Caroline Fritz
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Caroline’s Thriller Map Version 1
What I learned: I finally have scenes for the late second act. I started writing this movie for the WIM class but could not figure out how to keep the action moving. I have found a way. I am very happy!
INT. Embassy Ballroom – NIGHT
Callahan Terry is at a diplomatic party at the British embassy in Bahrain. He is handsome but a bit nerdy. He talks to the guests and makes silly jokes to put everyone at ease. He talks golf with the other diplomats and visiting dignitaries from the House of Khalifa.
Suddenly, we see an earpiece in his ear. He is being talked to by someone who is hidden somewhere and they are talking about one of the waiters being a terrorist.
Suddenly, he takes off running after a waiter. He chases the man through the kitchen, followed by a woman and the chase ends in a fountain outside the embassy. His cover is blown! Callahan is a secret agent!
INT. MI6 OFFICE – MORNING
Callahan is called back to London along with his team. His cover as a secret agent is blown and to minimize the damage, he sent on holiday for a month. He is gently encouraged to leave the country. When he gets home, he receives a call from his late wife’s friend inviting him to the states.
While on a holiday three years ago, Callahan and his wife, Bridget, met Aaron Copley and his wife Gabrielle, at a resort in Sardinia and hit it off. The resort was attacked by terrorists and many people died, including Bridget. They have been trauma-bonded friends ever since.
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EXT. AARON AND GABRIELLE’S HOUSE – DAY
Callahan travels to Virginia to see his American friends, Aaron and Gabrielle Copley. Aaron is a CIA agent but Callahan has always presented himself as a diplomat who does diplomatic things. Gabrielle was best friends with Bridget growing up as an exchange student in the UK.
While Callahan and Gabrielle are happy to see each other, Aaron is acting sullen and suspicious.
EXT. POOLSIDE AT AARON AND GABRIELLE’S HOUSE – EARLY EVENING
The trio is hanging out at their pool when Aaron asks Gabrielle if she got him his favorite ice cream. She says no, Aaron suggests Callahan go to the store. He says yes but is overruled by Gabrielle. She leaves and never comes back.
Later that evening, a ransom call comes in with instructions for the ransom drop. Callahan wants to call the police but Aaron refuses, saying he can take care of it; he is CIA and Callahan wouldn’t know how to handle it because he is a pencil pusher. Callahan is beside himself with worry. He calls his team back in England to let them know what is happening.
EXT. RANSOM DROP – LATE MORNING
Callahan goes with Aaron to the ransom drop in Alexandria on an early Sunday morning. The streets are deserted and Aaron parks on an empty street. While he walks to drop the ransom in an alley, Callahan covers him. Then the bad guys pull up and exit the vehicle. Callahan is forced to retreat into the shadows, making his way to the alley that Aaron went down, but he has disappeared along with money. The air is filled suddenly with sirens and Callahan gets away, hopping a rusty fence. The whole ransom drop feels like a setup.
INT. – AARON’S HOUSE – AFTERNOON
Callahan takes an Uber to Aaron’s house and finds the hideaway key on the side of the house. He works quickly to gather his things, including a serious looking gun and his luggage. He hesitates near the study, wanting to crack the safe but he doesn’t have time. He checks into a hotel under an assumed name and tries to figure out what is going on. Was Aaron trying to get Callahan arrested or worse, murdered by the kidnappers? And if so, why? He calls his team and tries to find out what has happened.
His boss calls him and tells him the CIA wants to speak to him.
INT. CIA HEADQUARTERS – MORNING
Callahan approaches the CIA as the pencil pusher he pretends to be. He tries to report what happened and his suspicions, but he is dismissed and asked to leave the country.
He is escorted to the airport by FBI agents where he boards a plane.
INT. PLANE – LATER AFTERNOON
Callahan is in a plane that lands in Mexico. A member of his team, Ariana, meets him in Mexico to go after the kidnappers. Callahan has gone rogue.
When he lands, Callahan hears from the kidnapper, an arms dealer who killed Callahan’s wife at a resort in Sardinia. Callahan warns the kidnapper.
EXT. SLEEPY VILLAGE – EVENING
Ariana and Callahan are planning their assault of the kidnapper’s lair. They have gone underground, moving at night so as not to be seen. They move under cover of darkness toward the target.
They are in the hills of Mexico and Ariana notices that they are being shadowed by someone. Dalton says it’s the CIA, who even though they dismissed Callahan, they have had Aaron under surveillance, unbeknownst to Callahan. He decides to take advantage of it and lead the CIA to the arms dealer’s door.
EXT. ON THE ROAD – EARLY MORNING
Callahan and Ariana are nearly ambushed by the arms dealer’s thugs. Dalton clues them in on satellite images of a large group of people, so the pair went around the area where the trap was laid. Now Callahan and Ariana are being followed by the CIA and the arms dealer’s thugs.
EXT. OUTSIDE OF LAIR – AFTERNOON
Callahan and Ariana find the compound unsecured. Sensing a trap, they split up and enter quietly. Behind them the CIA and the thugs are almost there.
Callahan gets into a firefight with a couple of thugs but dispatches them. He finds Gabrielle and is relieved until Aaron enters the room. Callahan trains his gun on him but the unthinkable happens: Gabrielle shoots and kills Aaron and then trains her gun on Callahan. She is the bad guy. She explains that Callahan has always been the target and Bridget was just in the way. Callahan had killed her father during a mission and she is hell-bent on revenge. She aims at Callahan and Ariana tells her to drop it. Gabrielle aims at Ariana and Callahan tackles her.
The sounds of a fierce firefight surround them. The CIA finally bursts in. Gabrielle is taken into custody and the arms dealer has fled, but was he really ever there?
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Caroline Misdirects … When Appropriate!
What I learned: This assignment would be difficult for people who haven’t written any dialogue. I have written dialogue for this movie already.
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A. The Red Herring
Clue Misdirection: Has a lot of money in a home safe
Character Misdirection: We can’t call the police
Dialogue Misdirection: Callahan should go to the store.B. The Villain’s Plan
Clue Misdirection: Being kidnapped
Character Misdirection: Generally being a friend of Callahan’s wifeDialogue Misdirection: Doesn’t that man in the background look like Aaron?
C. All of this misdirection is found in my map.
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I have added these misdirection elements in my map.-
This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by Caroline Fritz.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by
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Caroline Gives Great Clues!
What I learned: I see how this can help with the story but I am repeating myself. It was still helpful.
1. Callahan is a secret agent
Aaron is involved in Gabrielle’s disappearance
The CIA knows about Gabrielle2. Callahan is a secret agent
Eyes like a hawk
Has and earpiece and is listening to his comm man
Has a satellite phone and fun gadgets
Has special knowledgeAaron has a safe full of cash
Aaron refuses to call the police when Gabrielle is kidnappedAaron disappears during the ransom drop
The CIA insists Callahan leave the U.S.
The CIA follows Callahan to Mexico
The CIA arrive at the lair to take down the bad guys3. Opening: Callahan is at a diplomat’s party. He tackles a terrorist. His cover is blown!
Covert Clue: Callahan is watching everyone at the party.
Covert Clue: He has an ear comm and someone is talking to himDirection: Callahan is standing at a party as a diplomat.
Twist: Callahan takes down a terrorist!
Life Threatening #1: Callahan gets into a fight with a terrorist!
A. Reveal: Callahan is a secret agent.
B. It is covered up because Callahan is acting like a diplomat
C. Who is this guy?
D. He looks like a nerd but is a bad ass super agent.
Mystery #1: Who is Callahan?
Callahan is trustable but appears not trustable because he is secretive about his work.
If he needs to lie to protect people then he could seem not trustable.Inciting Incident: Callahan is forced on vacation, so he visits his late wife’s friends in the states.
A. Reveal: His wife was killed in a terrorist attack because of him
B. Callahan is trying to move on with his life
C. What is the mysterious reason he is alone?
D. In a shocking flashback
Direction: Aaron asks Callahan to go to the store, but Gabrielle goes instead.
Gabrielle appears trustable but she isn’t because she planned her own kidnapping to lure her best friend’s husband to his death.
Twist: She is kidnapped!
Life Threatening #2: Gabrielle is kidnapped!
Mystery #2: Who took Gabrielle?
Mystery #3: Why is Aaron not over upset by Gabrielle’s kidnapping?
Life Threatening #3: Aaron refuses to get the police involved and insists they drop the money off themselves, putting them and Gabrielle in danger.
Overt: Aaron refuses to call the police.
Mystery #4: Why does he refuse to call the police?
Mystery #5: Where is all of the money in his safe come from?Overt: Aaron has a safe full of money
Direction: As a CIA agent, Aaron has a lot of contacts who can help get his wife back.
Twist: He refuses to call the police.
Clue trail: Callahan equips himself with a gun and satellite phone to go to the ransom drop with Aaron.
Turning Point 1: Aaron disappears at the ransom drop.Life Threatening #4: At the ransom drop, Aaron disappears, thugs show up with weapons drawn, and the police have been alerted. Callahan has to run away; he ubers back to Aaron’s house.
Mystery #6: What happened to Aaron?
Direction: Aaron and Callahan go to the ransom drop to get a lead on Gabrielle.
Twist: Aaron disappears!
Overt: Aaron disappears
Aaron appears not trustable because of his refusal to call the police and his cryptic behavior.
Threatening #5: At Aaron’s house, Callahan gathers his suitcase and leaves in his rental car; unwilling to be interrogated by the police because he isn’t sure what is going on.
Threatening #6: He hides out in a hotel using one of his undercover identities and talks to his team back in the UK. They have bad news: the man behind the kidnapping is the arms dealer who is suspected of killing Callahan’s wife three years ago.
Threatening #7: Callahan’s boss reaches out and tells him the CIA knows he is in the country and are insisting he go in for an official interview at CIA headquarters. It’s a set up!
Midpoint: The CIA demands Callahan stop investigating the case.
Overt The CIA demands Callahan leave the country
Life Threatening #8: The CIA escorts Callahan to the airport, in effect deporting him from the country.
Life Threatening #9: Who is going to save his friends?
Mystery #7: Why doesn’t the CIA listen to Callahan?
Direction: Callahan leaves the U.S.
Twist: Callahan instead flies to Mexico, where his colleague, Ariana, is waiting for him and where the bad guy lives.
Turning Point 2: Callahan and Ariana travel to the lair.
Mystery #8: Who is following them? The bad guys? The CIA?
Clue trail: The CIA is following Callahan and Ariana
Life Threatening #10: Callahan and Ariana are almost killed in an ambush!
Covert: Callahan uses special knowledge to get out of a sticky spot.
Direction: Callahan has found Gabrielle unhurt!
Twist: Gabrielle is in cahoots with the villain! She is the villain!
A. Reveal: Gabrielle is the villain
B. She loved her friend, Callahan’s wife
C. Gabrielle disappears and seems to be in danger
D. Gabrielle shoots Aaron
Climax: Gabrielle is in cahoots with the villain!
Life Threatening #11: There is a shoot out at the lair when Callahan tries to rescue his friends.
Direction: Aaron is in cahoots with this wife
Twist: Gabrielle kills Aaron.
A. Reveal: Aaron is not the bad guy
B. By Aaron’s uncooperative nature
C. When he disappears, we think he is in on the plot.
D. Gabrielle shoots him, declaring him innocent.
Mystery #9: Why does Gabrielle want to kill Callahan?
Resolution: The arms dealer gets away.
Mystery #10: Where did the arms dealer go?
Direction: The CIA is closing in; the arms dealer can’t get away.
A. Reveal: The CIA knew about Gabrielle
B. By forcing Callahan to leave the country
C. The CIA refuses to listen to Callahan and it makes it seem like he is in danger of being arrested.
D. The CIA shows up at the bad guy’s lair.
4. Twist: The arms dealer gets away.
Overt: The CIA shows up at the lair to help in the firefight.
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Caroline’s Dramatic Reveals
What I learned: It was helpful to really bring the mystery/reveal into the script.
1. List of reveals:
Callahan is a secret agent
His wife was killed in a terrorist attack because of him
Gabrielle is the bad guy
Aaron is not as bad as we think
The CIA know about the plot2.
Opening: Callahan is at a diplomat’s party. He tackles a terrorist. His cover is blown!
Direction: Callahan is standing at a party as a diplomat.
Twist: Callahan takes down a terrorist!
Life Threatening #1: Callahan gets into a fight with a terrorist!
A. Reveal: Callahan is a secret agent.
B. It is covered up because Callahan is acting like a diplomat
C. Who is this guy?
D. He looks like a nerd but is a bad ass super agent.
Mystery #1: Who is Callahan?
Callahan is trustable but appears not trustable because he is secretive about his work.
If he needs to lie to protect people then he could seem not trustable.Inciting Incident: Callahan is forced on vacation, so he visits his late wife’s friends in the states.
A. Reveal: His wife was killed in a terrorist attack because of him
B. Callahan is trying to move on with his life
C. What is the mysterious reason he is alone?
D. In a shocking flashback
Direction: Aaron asks Callahan to go to the store, but Gabrielle goes instead.
Gabrielle appears trustable but she isn’t because she planned her own kidnapping to lure her best friend’s husband to his death.
Twist: She is kidnapped!
Life Threatening #2: Gabrielle is kidnapped!
Mystery #2: Who took Gabrielle?
Mystery #3: Why is Aaron not over upset by Gabrielle’s kidnapping?
Life Threatening #3: Aaron refuses to get the police involved and insists they drop the money off themselves, putting them and Gabrielle in danger.
Mystery #4: Why does he refuse to call the police?
Mystery #5: Where is all of the money in his safe come from?Direction: As a CIA agent, Aaron has a lot of contacts who can help get his wife back.
Twist: He refuses to call the police.
5. The reveals really go along with the twists and mysteries. I think I have something here.
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Caroline’s Trust Relationships
What I learned: It was helpful to spell everything out.
1. Hero: Callahan
Villain: Gabrielle
Red Herring Character: Aaron
Trusted, but shouldn’t be: Gabrielle
Isn’t trusted, but should be: CIA director, Aaron
2. Callahan
Trustable
He is trustable but appears not trustable because he is secretive about his work.
If he needs to lie to protect people then he could seem not trustable.Gabrielle
Trustable
She appears trustable but she isn’t.Luring her best friend’s husband to his death makes her not trustable
Aaron
Not trustable
He appears not trustable but is really trustable
Being in on his wife’s plan would make him really not trustableCallahan/Gabrielle
Trust: Callahan trusts her with the memory of his wife
Trust: Callahan leaps into action when she is kidnapped.Distrust: Gabrielle lures Callahan to his death.
Callahan/Aaron
Distrust: Aaron refuses to call the police.
Distrust: Aaron has a safe full of cash.Hero/Trusted, but shouldn’t be
Gabrielle plotting her own kidnapping to kill CallahanAaron really couldn’t have done anything to make Callahan trust him
Opening: Callahan is at a diplomat’s party. He tackles a terrorist. His cover is blown!
Direction: Callahan is standing at a party as a diplomat.
Twist: Callahan takes down a terrorist!
Life Threatening #1: Callahan gets into a fight with a terrorist!
Mystery #1: Who is Callahan?
Callahan is trustable but appears not trustable because he is secretive about his work.
If he needs to lie to protect people then he could seem not trustable.Inciting Incident: Callahan is forced on vacation, so he visits his late wife’s friends in the states.
Direction: Aaron asks Callahan to go to the store, but Gabrielle goes instead.
Gabrielle appears trustable but she isn’t because she planned her own kidnapping to lure her best friend’s husband to his death.
Twist: She is kidnapped!
Life Threatening #2: Gabrielle is kidnapped!
Mystery #2: Who took Gabrielle?
Mystery #3: Why is Aaron not over upset by Gabrielle’s kidnapping?
Life Threatening #3: Aaron refuses to get the police involved and insists they drop the money off themselves, putting them and Gabrielle in danger.
Mystery #4: Why does he refuse to call the police?
Mystery #5: Where is all of the money in his safe come from?Direction: As a CIA agent, Aaron has a lot of contacts who can help get his wife back.
Twist: He refuses to call the police.
Turning Point 1: Aaron disappears at the ransom drop.
Life Threatening #4: At the ransom drop, Aaron disappears, thugs show up with weapons drawn, and the police have been alerted. Callahan has to run away; he ubers back to Aaron’s house.
Mystery #6: What happened to Aaron?
Direction: Aaron and Callahan go to the ransom drop to get a lead on Gabrielle.
Twist: Aaron disappears!
Aaron appears not trustable because of his refusal to call the police and his cryptic behavior.
Threatening #5: At Aaron’s house, Callahan gathers his suitcase and leaves in his rental car; unwilling to be interrogated by the police because he isn’t sure what is going on.
Threatening #6: He hides out in a hotel using one of his undercover identities and talks to his team back in the UK. They have bad news: the man behind the kidnapping is the arms dealer who is suspected of killing Callahan’s wife three years ago.
Threatening #7: Callahan’s boss reaches out and tells him the CIA knows he is in the country and are insisting he go in for an official interview at CIA headquarters. It’s a set up!
Midpoint: The CIA demands Callahan stop investigating the case.
Life Threatening #8: The CIA escorts Callahan to the airport, in effect deporting him from the country.
Life Threatening #9: Who is going to save his friends?
Mystery #7: Why doesn’t the CIA listen to Callahan?
Direction: Callahan leaves the U.S.
Twist: Callahan instead flies to Mexico, where his colleague, Ariana, is waiting for him and where the bad guy lives.
Turning Point 2: Callahan and Ariana travel to the lair.
Mystery #8: Who is following them? The bad guys? The CIA?
Life Threatening #10: Callahan and Ariana are almost killed in an ambush!
Direction: Callahan has found Gabrielle unhurt!
Twist: Gabrielle is in cahoots with the villain! She is the villain!
Climax: Gabrielle is in cahoots with the villain!
Life Threatening #11: There is a shoot out at the lair when Callahan tries to rescue his friends.
Direction: Aaron is in cahoots with this wife
Twist: Gabrielle kills Aaron.
Mystery #9: Why does Gabrielle want to kill Callahan?
Resolution: The arms dealer gets away.
Mystery #10: Where did the arms dealer go?
Direction: The CIA is closing in; the arms dealer can’t get away.
Twist: The arms dealer gets away.
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Caroline’s Twists and Turns
What I learned: This was not difficult like I thought it was.
Opening: Callahan is at a diplomat’s party. He tackles a terrorist. His cover is blown!
Direction: Callahan is standing at a party as a diplomats.
Twist: Callahan takes down a terrorist!
Life Threatening #1: Callahan gets into a fight with a terrorist!
Mystery #1: Who is Callahan?
Inciting Incident: Callahan is forced on vacation, so he visits his late wife’s friends in the states. The wife, Gabrielle, is kidnapped!
Direction: Aaron asks Callahan to go to the store, but Gabrielle goes instead.
Twist: She is kidnapped!
Life Threatening #2: Gabrielle is kidnapped!
Mystery #2: Who took Gabrielle?
Mystery #3: Why is Aaron not over upset by Gabrielle’s kidnapping?
Life Threatening #3: Aaron refuses to get the police involved and insists they drop the money off themselves, putting them and Gabrielle in danger.
Mystery #4: Why does he refuse to call the police?
Mystery #5: Where is all of the money in his safe come from?Direction: As a CIA agent, Aaron has a lot of contacts who can help get his wife back.
Twist: He refuses to call the police.
Turning Point 1: Aaron disappears at the ransom drop.
Life Threatening #4: At the ransom drop, Aaron disappears, thugs show up with weapons drawn, and the police have been alerted. Callahan has to run away; he ubers back to Aaron’s house.
Mystery #6: What happened to Aaron?
Direction: Aaron and Callahan go to the ransom drop to get a lead on Gabrielle.
Twist: Aaron disappears!
Threatening #5: At Aaron’s house, Callahan gathers his suitcase and leaves in his rental car; unwilling to be interrogated by the police because he isn’t sure what is going on.
Threatening #6: He hides out in a hotel using one of his undercover identities and talks to his team back in the UK. They have bad news: the man behind the kidnapping is the arms dealer who is suspected of killing Callahan’s wife three years ago.
Threatening #7: Callahan’s boss reaches out and tells him the CIA knows he is in the country and are insisting he go in for an official interview at CIA headquarters. It’s a set up!
Midpoint: The CIA demands Callahan stop investigating the case.
Life Threatening #8: The CIA escorts Callahan to the airport, in effect deporting him from the country.
Life Threatening #9: Who is going to save his friends?
Mystery #7: Why doesn’t the CIA listen to Callahan?
Direction: Callahan leaves the U.S.
Twist: Callahan instead flies to Mexico, where his colleague, Ariana, is waiting for him and where the bad guy lives.
Turning Point 2: Callahan and Ariana travel to the lair.
Mystery #8: Who is following them? The bad guys? The CIA?
Life Threatening #10: Callahan and Ariana are almost killed in an ambush!
Direction: Callahan has found Gabrielle unhurt!
Twist: Gabrielle is in cahoots with the villain! She is the villain!
Climax: Gabrielle is in cahoots with the villain!
Life Threatening #11: There is a shoot out at the lair when Callahan tries to rescue his friends.
Direction: Aaron is in cahoots with this wife
Twist: Gabrielle kills Aaron.
Mystery #9: Why does Gabrielle want to kill Callahan?
Resolution: The arms dealer gets away.
Mystery #10: Where did the arms dealer go?
Direction: The CIA is closing in; the arms dealer can’t get away.
Twist: The arms dealer gets away.
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Caroline’s Thriller Plot!
What I learned: This was more difficult than it seemed.
Opening: Callahan is at a diplomat’s party. He tackles a terrorist. His cover is blown!
Life Threatening #1: Callahan gets into a fight with a terrorist!
Mystery #1: Who is Callahan?
Inciting Incident: Callahan is forced on vacation, so he visits his late wife’s friends in the states. The wife, Gabrielle, is kidnapped!
Life Threatening #2: Gabrielle is kidnapped!
Mystery #2: Who took Gabrielle?
Mystery #3: Why is Aaron not over upset by Gabrielle’s kidnapping?
Mystery #4: Why does he refuse to call the police?
Mystery #5: Where is all of the money in his safe come from?Turning Point 1: Aaron disappears at the ransom drop.
Life Threatening #3: The bad guys are coming for Callahan!
Mystery #6: What happened to Aaron?
Midpoint: The CIA deports Callahan
Life Threatening #4: Who is going to save his friends?
Mystery #7: Why doesn’t the CIA listen to Callahan?
Turning Point 2: Callahan and Ariana travel to the lair.
Mystery #8: Who is following them? The bad guys? The CIA?
Life Threatening #5: Callahan and Ariana are almost killed in an ambush!
Climax: Gabrielle is the in cahoots with the villain!
Life Threatening #6: There is a shoot out at the lair when Callahan tries to rescue his friends. Aaron is killed.
Mystery #9: Why did Gabrielle want to kill Callahan?
Resolution: The arms dealer gets away.
Mystery #10: Where did the arms dealer go?
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Caroline’s Life-Threatening Sequence
What I learned: I was having such a hard time figuring out the last half of the second act. This was so helpful and is the reason I took this class again. I figured it out.
Life-Threatening Sequence:
1. Callahan visits his friends in the U.S.; Aaron does not look happy he is there and is acting covertly.
2. Aaron asks Callahan to run to the store; but he doesn’t know his way around. Aaron is trying to set Callahan up to be abducted and murdered.
3. Gabrielle goes instead and ends up kidnapped in another town over.
4. Aaron refuses to get the police involved and insists they drop the money off themselves, putting them and Gabrielle in danger.
5. At the ransom drop, Aaron disappears, thugs show up with weapons drawn, and the police have been alerted. Callahan has to run away; he ubers back to Aaron’s house.
6. At Aaron’s house, Callahan gathers his suitcase and leaves in his rental car; unwilling to be interrogated by the police because he isn’t sure what is going on.
7. He hides out in a hotel using one of his undercover identities and talks to his team back in the UK. They have bad news: the man behind the kidnapping is the arms dealer who is suspected of killing Callahan’s wife three years ago.
8. Callahan’s boss reaches out and tells him the CIA knows he is in the country and are insisting he go in for an official interview at CIA headquarters. It’s a set up!
9. The CIA demands Callahan stop investigating the case.
10. The CIA escorts Callahan to the airport, in effect deporting him from the country.
11. Callahan instead flies to Mexico, where his colleague, Ariana, is waiting for him and where the bad guy lives.
12. Callahan and Ariana set up a plan to rescue his friends.
13. While he is traveling to the villain’s compound, he and Ariana are stalked by thugs and the CIA.
14. His team is lured to the villain’s lair, where a trap awaits them.
15. Outgunned, Callahan and his team have to rely on their wits and cunning to get inside the compound.
16. A firefight ensues while Callahan tries to find Gabrielle’ whereabouts in the compound.
17. He finds Gabrielle in the study and tries to escort her to safety. Aaron comes in, Gabrielle kills him, then turns the gun on Callahan. He has been betrayed.
18. Gabrielle gives her reason why as Callahan tries to defuse the situation.
19. As the CIA is pounding on the door, Gabrielle shoots Callahan and tries to flee, but the CIA bursts in. Another firefight ensues as Callahan pulls himself out of danger.
20. Gabrielle shoots the CIA agents and turns to flee again. Ariana slinks in and shoots at Gabrielle. Gabrielle turns to fire at Ariana, who is distracted by Callahan. Ariana gets hit in the arm.
21. Callahan shoots Gabrielle as she is perched on the windowsill to flee, and Gabrielle falls to her death.
22. Callahan drags himself over to Ariana, who holds her arm. More CIA agents and Callahan and Ariana’s boss, Dalton, burst in.
23. The closing credits are Ariana and Callahan at a tropical resort convalescing.
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Caroline’s Mystery Sequence
What I learned: It is very helpful to spell it all out. I still don’t know why Gabrielle wants Callahan dead though.
1. What are the big secrets?Callahan’s secret: He is a secret spy playing at being a diplomat, which allows him access to places where he can’t normally go.
Gabrielle’s big secret: Gabrielle wants Callahan dead.
2. Mysteries: How many ways can they cover up the secrets?
A. By Gabrielle calling Callahan for help.
B. Callahan goes to the CIA to tell them his friends have been kidnapped. The CIA deports him.
C. Red Herrings: By showing Aaron has a lot of money and suspicious documents in his safe. He looks guilty.
By disappearing Aaron to make him look suspicious.By having the CIA threaten to deport Callahan and making it look like Aaron was under investigation.
3. Mystery Chain #1
Gabrielle is the villain:
She is kidnapped by an arms dealer
Callahan races to save her
Gabrielle calls for help to lure him inMystery Chain #2:
Aaron is the red herring:
He is not over upset by Gabrielle’s kidnapping
He has a lot of money in his home safeHe refuses to call the police.
He disappears at the ransom dropMystery Chain #3:
His employer, the CIA, refuses to listen to Callahan and they escort him to the airport
The CIA deports Callahan, knowing he will lead them to the arms dealer
Mystery #4
Who has kidnapped Gabrielle?
What is waiting for them when they get there?
Who are the thugs who ambushed them on the way?Mystery #5
Was Gabrielle involved in the death of Callahan’s wife three years earlier?
How does she know the arms dealer?
Where is he? Did he get away?-
This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by Caroline Fritz.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by Caroline Fritz.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by
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Caroline’s Villain has a great plan!
What I learned: I didn’t want to do this because I thought it was hard, but it wasn’t difficult.
1. What is the villain’s end goal?
To deliver Callahan to the arms dealer to kill him.2. How can the Villain accomplish that in a devious way?
Pretend she has been kidnapped so Callahan has to save her.
3. How can they cover it up?
Make it look like the villain’s husband is the bad guy4. Sequence to make it as intriguing as possible.
· Invite Callahan to visit the couple in the States where he is away from him support group.
· Make it look like Gabrielle, Callahan’s late wife’s best friend, has been kidnapped.
· Disappear Aaron, Gabrielle’s husband, at the ransom drop.
· Have the CIA, Aaron’s employer, threaten to deport Callahan.
· Lure Callahan to the arms dealer’s lair in Mexico to get him away from the clutches of the CIA.
· Set him up to try and save Gabrielle or die trying.
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Caroline’s World and Characters!
What I learned: I think adding a red herring will really put this script over the top.
1. Concept: An MI6 agent on a visit to the U.S. doesn’t know who to trust when his friend’s wife is kidnapped.
Big M.I.S.
· Big Mystery: Who kidnapped the hero’s friends?
· Big Intrigue: The CIA agent is working with the arms dealer to kill the hero or is he? Is he the Red Herring?
· Big Suspense: Many people want him gone or dead, whatever comes first
2. Intriguing world: The world of the spy and the diplomat.
3. Hero: Callahan Terry
a. What is the mystery? Is he a diplomat or a spy?
b. What is the suspense? Is he walking into a trap?
c. What is the intrigue? Why is he being targeted?
Red Herring: Aaron Copley
a. What is the mystery? Is he a crooked CIA agent?
b. What is the suspense? Will Callahan find out?
c. What is the intrigue? Why is Aaron being set up by Bridget?
Antagonist: Bridget Copely
a. What is the mystery? Is she a victim?
b. What is the suspense? Was she really kidnapped?
c. What is the intrigue? Who is she, really?
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Caroline’s Big M.I.S.
What I learned: It was great fleshing this out.
Concept: An MI6 agent on a visit to the U.S. doesn’t know who to trust when his friend’s wife is kidnapped.
1. Conventions
· Hero: Unassuming British diplomat who is really a spy
· Villain: Rogue CIA officer who happens to be the best friend of the hero’s wife (now deceased)
· High Stakes: Kidnapping, an international incident
· Life and Death Situations: A race against time to save his friends without knowing the husband is working with the arms dealer who killed the hero’s wife.
· This story is thrilling because? Tense situations, betrayal, exotic locations, action, deceit, some humor.
2. Big M.I.S.
· Big Mystery: Who kidnapped the hero’s friend?
· Big Intrigue: The CIA agent is working with the arms dealer to kill the hero
· Big Suspense: Many people want him gone or dead, whatever comes first.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by Caroline Fritz.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by
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I, Caroline Fritz, agree to the terms of this release form.
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What I learned: I, too, can do this.
1. Girl on a Train
2. Conventions:
· Unwitting hero: Rachel
· Dangerous villain: Tom
· Life and death situations: Women being murdered, Rachel under investigation, will she be murdered too?
· This movie is thrilling because: of the gaslighting. Is Rachel going crazy? Is her ex-husband a serial killer?
3. What is the MIS:
· Big Mystery: Who killed Megan?
· Big Intrigue: Did Rachel do it?
· Big Suspense: Will Rachel clear her name and save other women?
4. I really enjoyed this movie. I love the gaslighting aspect to it. The doubt it creates in the characters’ minds.
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Hi everyone!
My name is Caroline and I have written 8 or 9 scripts, I can’t remember!
I am currently writing two thrillers and I really need guidance to make sure I am hitting all the marks, genre-wise.
I am one of 9 children.
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What I learned: I have never watched this movie. It looks formulaic and I can only assume that Junah wins the tournament. What I do think is helpful is the way subtext is used as the characters talk around each other. I can use this in my script.
First time:
Where is Junah coming from? A place of frustration but he is still determined. Where is Bagger Vance coming from? Easy confidence. What makes them right for their roles in this movie? Matt Damon is not my favorite actor, but he plays annoyed very well. Will Smith is awesome and built for this role.<div>
Second time:
What drama was this scene built around? A random man wanders out of the woods right into another man’s existential crisis. What traits showed up in these two characters’ words and actions? Bagger seems to know what to say to spur Junah to hire him and help him find his swing.
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What I learned rewriting my scene/character: I like the way the future is talked about like a foregone conclusion. I can use this in my script.
First time:
What future is Sarah Connor living into? She is going to be a legend. She’s the Mother of the Future. What future is Kyle Reese living into? His future is uncertain. What is Sarah’s transformation that is implied by this scene? That she will go from being a scared woman into a fighting machine.
Second time:
What drama was this scene built around? Sarah Connor is being hunted by a terminator that came back in time to kill her. What traits showed up in these two character’s words and actions? Kyle is brave and has unwavering faith in her and Sarah is uncertain, scared and confused.
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Will
1. Traits:
Loyal to his friends
Not afraid to defend his friends
Photographic memory
2. Living Into Their Future
Future: He is smart and maybe can go far.
3. Right Character
Well-read
Is a townie living in a rich person’s world
4. Secret and Reveal
Might not leave this town
5. Wound
Has a giant chip on his shoulder
Skylar
1. Traits
She defends Chuckie
She plays along with Chuckie’s pick-up line2. Living Into Their Future
She is British so maybe she leaves the country? I don’t know I have not seen this movie.3. Right Character
She’s nice and not pretentious to the townies4. Secret and Reveal
We don’t know yet5. Wound
We don’t know yetChuckie
1. Traits
He seems to be an ok person
Not smooth with the ladies2. Living Into Their Future
Chuckie will probably never leave the area3. Right Character
He seems to be a good friend of Will4. Secret and Reveal
We don’t know yet.5. Wound
We don’t know yetWhat drama did the writers create to trigger and deliver these traits?
The group looks like low-rent townies so the writers wanted them to square off against the rich kids. A tale as old as time.Why do you think the group picked a Harvard bar?
They live in town and knew there would be someone who thought he knew more than he did and Will could show off. -
What I learned: Sometimes, a cliché, like poor kids vs. rich kids, works by twisting the traits. The trope is that the poor kids aren’t very smart or lucky, but here, the poor kids are “wicked smart,” and they win respect.
In my script, I used this to add a breaking point that the antagonist crossed, breaking the spell he had over my main character, and she finally realizes he is a bad guy. The cliche was that she was a weak woman who would do anything to keep her man. This was a breakthrough for me.
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Caroline Fritz
I agree to the terms of this release form.
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
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[WIM] Caroline’s High Speed Writing Rules
My Vision: I will perfect my process of writing great scripts and be recognized by the industry as good at what I do and have successful movies produced.
What I learned: I think this works best for me if I don’t think too much.
I used the rules but still wanted to look up a couple of things. I did but didn’t get too crazy. I am completely worried about cliches and crappy dialogue. But I am plowing through.
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Lesson 10: Making Every Scene Fascinating!
[WIM] Caroline’s Intriguing Moments
My Vision: I will perfect my process of writing great scripts and be recognized by the industry as good at what I do and have successful movies produced.
What I learned: This was not as difficult as I thought it was going to be. I actually feel good about my outline!
Act 1
1. INT. BALLROOM – EVENING
Scene arc: From attending as a diplomat to a diplomatic party to watching for trouble
Beginning: (Suspense) Callahan has eyes like a hawkMiddle: (Suspense) He is pretending to talk but is very watchful
End: (Intrigue) He stops talking and takes up covert surveillance
Callahan Terry is standing on the side of the room, watching the party goers.
Essence: Callahan is acting in capacity of his position as a British diplomat.
Conflict: There are a lot of shady characters here.
Subtext: Callahan is pretending to be just another pencil pusher
Hope/fear: We hope nothing happens but the tension is very thick.
2. INT. BALLROOM – EVENING
Scene arc: From talking to an attractive colleague to eyeing a suspicious waiter
Beginning: (Uncomfortable moment) An attractive colleague flirts with Callahan.
Middle: (Mislead) He indulges her by flirting back
End: (Intrigue) He stops when he notices the waiter
Callahan stops to talk to a female colleague while he watches the crowd. She flirts with him.
Essence: Callahan is acting in capacity of his position as a British diplomat.
Conflict: Callahan is watching the wait staff, one waiter in particular.
Subtext: Callahan is resistant to her charms
Hope/fear: We hope nothing happens but the tension is very thick.
3. INT. BALLROOM – EVENING
Scene Arc: From watching a waiter to taking down a gunmanBeginning: (Suspense) Callahan watches a suspicious waiter
Middle: (Major twist) He runs toward the gunshots when the waiter pulls out a weapon
End: (Cliffhanger) He chases the gunman away from innocent bystanders to outside
Suddenly, a waiter pulls a gun out from under a tray cover and begins shooting. Callahan jumps to disarm him, people run away, screaming
Essence: Callahan has turned into super spy
Conflict: Will the assassin succeed?
Subtext: The embassy staff has discovered his secret
Hope/fear: Will Callahan subdue the gunman?
4. EXT. OUTSIDE VENUE – NIGHT
Scene arc: Callahan chases the gunman outside and tackles the man, subduing him
Beginning: (Surprise) Callahan runs after the gunman to the outside
Middle (Suspense) Past startled onlookers
End: Callahan tackles the gunman into the fountain.
Callahan chases the gunman outside past startled onlookers. He tackles the man and subdues him.
Essence: Callahan is a bad ass super spy
Conflict: Callahan’s “cover” had been blown
Subtext: He has a lot of secrets
Hope/fear: What will this mean for Callahan’s position?
5. INT. HEAD OF MI6’s OFFICE – DAY
Scene arc: From Callahan being lauded by his boss to being told to take some time off.
Beginning: Callahan is lauded by his boss
Middle: (Internal dilemma) But at the same time his boss is worried about Callahan’s mental health
End: (Uncertainty) Callahan is told to take time off but why?
Callahan’s boss tells him to go on vacation.
Essence: Callahan stepped out of his role to get the bad guy and he is in trouble for it.
Conflict: Callahan does not want to go on vacation during a critical moment in the fight against terrorism.
Subtext: The boss is afraid to say that he is worried about Callahan’s mental health
Hope/fear: Will Callahan lose it?
6. INT. CALLAHAN’S KITCHEN – NIGHT
Scene arc: Callahan thinks about the vacation that he and his wife took 5 years ago and the terrorist attack at the resort that killed her when he gets a phone call.
Beginning: (Internal dilemma) Callahan is drinking bourbon looking at his wife’s photo
Middle: (Intrigue) He gets a call from someone.
End: (Major twist) He agrees to go visit the person on the phone
Callahan talks on his phone with someone about vacation.
Essence: Callahan is hesitant to leave his home.
Conflict: Callahan has to go or risk his job.
Subtext: Callahan is scared of something
Hope/fear: We want him to be happy
Act 2
7. INT. AARON’S HOUSE – DAY
Scene arc: Callahan goes to visit his American friends, Aaron, who is a CIA agent and his wife Gabrielle
Beginning: (More interesting setting) Callahan arrives at his friend’s houseMiddle: (Intrigue) Everyone is by the pool
End: (Uncomfortable moment) There is a tension
Callahan knocks on his friend Aaron’s door in the U.S.
Essence: Callahan has American friends
Conflict: Who are these people?
Subtext: Callahan is reaching out to these people for a reason.
Hope/fear: We hope Callahan is happy.
8. EXT. AARON’S POOL – DAY
Scene arc: The trio are catching up
Beginning: (Uncertainty) Callahan and Aaron and Gabrielle are hanging out at the pool
Middle: (Intrigu) Things are tense
End: (Major twist) Callahan talks about his wife and the attack that cost her her life
Aaron, Callahan and Gabrielle are hanging out at the pool.
Essence: The trio is close.
Conflict: They are talking about Callahan’s wife
Subtext: Something is being unsaid
Hope/fear: Where is Callahan’s wife?
9. EXT. AARON’S POOL – DAY
Gabrielle leaves to go to the store for something Aaron forgotScene arc: Gabrielle leaves to go to the store
Beginning: (Uncomfortable moment) Aaron and Gabrielle get into a tiff about something Aaron forgot from the store
Middle: (Uncomfortable moment) Aaron and Callahan sit in silence for a bit
End: (Suspense) The hour is getting late and Gabrielle has not returned
Essence: Gabrielle seems to have to wait on Aaron a lot
Conflict: Aaron seems a bit of a jerk
Subtext: There is a conflict here
Hope/fear: Are they going to have an argument?
10. INT. AARON’S KITCHEN – DAY
Scene arc: Aaron gets a ransom call; Gabrielle has been kidnapped!
Beginning: (Uncertainty) Aaron and Callahan go into the house
Middle: (Major twist) Aaron gets a ransom call
End: (Character changes radically) Callahan insists they go to the police and Aaron resists
Essence: Callahan has to turn into a super spy
Conflict: Gabrielle has been kidnapped!
Subtext: Aaron is acting evasive
Hope/fear: Will Gabrielle be ok?
11. INT. AARON’S CAR – DAY
Scene arc: Aaron and Callahan are at the ransom drop
Beginning: (Suspense) Callahan watches as Aaron pulls stacks of cash from his house safe
Middle: Aaron insists that Callahan take a gun
End: (Intrigue) Callahan argues that this is too dangerous
Aaron and Callahan are at the ransom drop.
Essence: They must rescue Gabrielle!
Conflict: What if they can’t get her back?
Subtext: Callahan is hiding that he is a super spy.
Hope/fear: Something bad is going to happen
12. EXT. RANSOM DROP – DAY
Scene arc: Aaron drops the ransom and is snatched up. A gunfight ensues
Beginning: (Intrigue) Aaron parks away from the ransom drop
Middle: (Suspense) Callahan takes up a position and watches him
End: (Cliffhanger) Aaron is swept up by the kidnappers and a gunfight ensues
Aaron drops the money while Callahan watches. Aaron is snatched up. A gunfight ensues.
Essence: Callahan is alone in a strange country and must rescue his friends.
Conflict: Aaron has been kidnapped too!
Subtext: Someone is forcing Callahan to act.
Hope/fear: We fear for Aaron and Gabrielle’s safety
13. INT. AARON’S CAR – DAY
Scene arc: Callahan sits shell shocked. Police sirens get closer. Callahan drives away.
Beginning: (Uncertainty) Callahan flees the gunfire
Middle: He hears sirens in the distance
End: (Uncertainty) Callahan drives away
Essence: Callahan does not want to get involved with the police.
Conflict: Callahan must figure out what to do
Subtext: Callahan is hiding who he is
Hope/fear: We don’t want him to get caught.
14. INT. AARON’S HOUSE – DAY
Scene arc: Callahan grabs his things from Aarons’s house and leaves in his rental car.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Callahan drives to Aaron’s house
Middle: Callahan gets his suitcase and his rental car
End: Callahan drives away
Essence: Callahan wants to figure this out himself
Conflict: He is not sure who he can trust
Subtext: Callahan has to hide who he is
Hope/fear: Can he save his friends?
15. INT. CALLAHAN’S CAR – DAY
Scene arc: Callahan calls his boss back in the UK
Beginning: (Internal dilemma) Callahan calls his boss back in the UK
Middle: The boss says to go to the police
End: (Internal dilemma) Callahan reluctantly agrees and his boss sets it up
Essence: Callahan wants the ok to go after the kidnapper
Conflict: The boss wants him to go to the police and Aaron’s CIA boss
Subtext: The boss is trying to be diplomatic
Hope/fear: With the CIA involved, Aaron and Gabrielle might not make it
16. INT. CIA OFFICE – DAY
Scene arc: Callahan talks to the CIA section chief who recommends Callahan leave the country
Beginning: Callahan drives to the CIA office where Aaron works
Middle: Callahan speaks to the section chief
End: (Uncomfortable moment) The section chief dismisses him and recommends he leave the country
Essence: Callahan has decided to do it his boss’s way
Conflict: The CIA doesn’t seem to care
Subtext: Callahan is lying about who he really is
Hope/fear: Will Callahan get deported?
17. INT. CALLAHAN’S HOTEL ROOM – EARLY MORNING
Scene arc: Callahan gets a call from an unknown number. It is the kidnapper luring him to his lair in Mexico
Beginning: (Intrigue) Callahan leaves the office and his phone rings
Middle: (Major twist) It is the kidnapper, an arms dealer who was behind the explosion that killed Callahan’s wife
End: (Superior position) Callahan decides to ignore the CIA
Essence: Callahan must go and rescue his friends
Conflict: Callahan does not have any weapons
Subtext: Callahan is being set up
Hope/fear: Callahan and the hostages will be killed
Act 3
18. INT. CALLAHAN’S HOTEL LOBBY– MORNING
Scene arc: Callahan is checking out and is confronted by two FBI agents.
Beginning: (Mislead) Callahan is checking out of his hotel
Middle: Two FBI agents are there to warn him to leave
End: (Mislead) Callahan pretends to go along with it
Essence: Callahan is being threatened by the agents into leaving the U.S.
Conflict: Callahan is not going to do that and doesn’t tell them about the call
Subtext: Callahan lies and says he is leaving
Hope/fear: Callahan will be deported
19. INT. CALLAHAN’S RENTAL CAR – MORNING
Scene arc: Callahan can plainly see he is being followed. He drives to a convenience store and goes inside.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Callahan buys a burner phone and a cup of gas station coffee
Middle: He puts the burner phone away as FBI agents enter the coffee shop.
End: Callahan pays for his coffee and leaves
Essence: Callahan is calling his spy colleagues for info
Conflict: The FBI agents have entered the convenience store
Subtext: Callahan is plotting
Hope/fear: Callahan will be deported
20. INT. CALLAHAN’S CAR – DAY
Scene arc: Callahan drives to the rental car place and drops his car off
Beginning: (Uncertainty) Callahan drives his car to the rental place
Middle: He drops off his car
End: He gets on the shuttle to the airport and walks inside
Essence: Callahan is acting like he is going back to the UK.
Conflict: Callahan is being watched
Subtext: Callahan is being sneaky
Hope/fear: Callahan will be deported
21. INT. PLANE – DAY
Scene arc: (Uncertainty) Callahan is on a plane.
Beginning: Callahan sits on a plane
Middle: The plane takes off
End: The plane lands.
Essence: He is seemingly going home
Conflict: Has he given up?
Subtext: Callahan is being polite to hide who he is
Hope/fear: Is he really going home?
22. EXT. AIRFIELD – DAY
Scene arc: Callahan alights from a plane on a runway. The sign says Mexico!
Beginning: (Surprise) Callahan leaves the plane and a sign says Mexico
Middle: Callahan leaves the airport and makes a call on his burner phone
End: He finds out where the terrorist is hiding from his UK colleagues
Essence: Callahan has outwitted the CIA
Conflict: What danger awaits him?
Subtext: Callahan is in complete secret spy mode mode
Hope/fear: Will Callahan save his friends?
23. EXT. OUTSIDE A COMPOUND – AFTERNOON
Scene arc: Callahan is camouflaged outside the kidnapper’s compound with binoculars.
Beginning: (Suspense) Callahan has binoculars trained on the compound
Middle: (Betrayal) He sees Aaron talking to the arms dealer
End: Callahan realizes he has been betrayed
Essence: Callahan has been lured to what might be his death
Conflict: Aaron is working for the bad guy!
Subtext: Aaron is treacherous
Hope/fear: Where is Gabrielle? Is she ok?
Act 4
24. EXT. OUTSIDE COMPOUND – AFTERNOON
Scene arc: Callahan is still in hiding as he observes the CIA agents stationing themselves around the perimeter.
Beginning: (External dilemma) Callahan was believed
Middle: (Suspense) Callahan looks for a way in
End: Callahan checks his weapons
Essence: Callahan was believed
Conflict: Callahan wants to get to Aaron first
Subtext: Callahan is deeply confused
Hope/fear: What will happen to Aaron?
25. EXT. COMPOUND – NIGHT
Scene arc: Callahan enters the compound and moves toward the main house, stealthily.
Beginning: (Suspense) Callahan slips into the compound at night
Middle: (Intrigue) He moves stealthily, noticing no guards are around.
End: He sees Aaron through a window
Essence: Callahan is going to get to Aaron first.
Conflict: He has to have it out with his so-called friend
Subtext: Callahan is in full spy mode
Hope/fear: Will Callahan get killed?
26. INT. MAIN HOUSE – NIGHT
Scene arc: Callahan enters the house and finds Aaron drinking bourbon in the study.
Beginning: (Uncertainty) Callahan enters the study
Middle: Callahan confronts Aaron
End: (Betrayal) Aaron reveals he has sold out his friend
Essence: Callahan confronts this betrayal
Conflict: Why did Aaron do this?
Subtext: Aaron is hiding his true self
Hope/fear: What is going to happen?
27. INT. STUDY – NIGHT
Scene arc: The terrorist enters the study and a gunfight ensues. Callahan flees out the window
Beginning: (Surprise) The arms dealer enters the room and tells Callahan that he is going to die for the murder of the arms dealer’s wife
Middle: (Major twist) Callahan tells him that the CIA was behind the hit
End: (Suspense) Aaron shoots at Callahan to get him to stop and Callahan dives out the window and into the yard
Essence: Callahan is going to get killed
Conflict: Aaron and the terrorist are trying to kill Callahan
Subtext: They know who Callahan is
Hope/fear: Will Callahan get away?
28. INT. OUT BUILDING – NIGHT
Scene arc: Callahan ducks into a out building on the property and lies in wait for Aaron and the terrorist.
Beginning: (Suspense) Callahan flees to get into a better position
Middle: (External dilemma) Aaron and the arms dealer are arguing in the courtyard
End: Callahan looks for a way to surprise Aaron
Essence: Callahan is trying to surprise him
Conflict: Callahan is being hunted
Subtext: Aaron and the terrorist are walking into a trap
Hope/fear: Callahan might get killed
29. INT. OUT BUILDING – NIGHT
Scene arc: Callahan gets the jump on the terrorist, wounding him. Aaron has him in his sights
Beginning: (Intrigue) Callahan wounds the arms dealer.
Middle: Aaron charges into the outbuilding where Callahan is hiding
End: (Major twist) Callahan has left the building, circled around and has Aaron in his sights
Essence: Callahan is fighting for his life
Conflict: Callahan is fighting for his life
Subtext: Callahan has been betrayed
Hope/fear: Callahan might get killed
30. INT. OUT BUILDING – NIGHT
Scene Callahan shoots and wounds Aaron after a tense standoff as the CIA bursts in.
Beginning: (Betrayal) Aaron taunts his betrayal to Callahan
Middle: (Intrigue) A gunfight ensues
End: Aaron is wounded as the CIA bursts in.
Essence: Callahan has defused the situation
Conflict: Aaron is a traitor
Subtext: Callahan is a professional who didn’t let his emotions get the better of him
Hope/fear: Where is Gabrielle?
31. EXT. COMPOUND DRIVEWAY – DAWN
Scene arc: Callahan is being interviewed by the FBI as Gabrielle, now released, rushes to him from the house
Beginning: Callahan is interviewed
Middle: The CIA believes Callahan as they were investigating Aaron
End: (Uncomfortable moment) Gabrielle is safe but traumatized by her husband’s betrayal
Essence: Aaron has betrayed them both
Conflict: How does one come back from that
Subtext: Callahan saved them both
Hope/fear: Will Gabrielle be OK?
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Lesson 9: Scene Requirements
[WIM] Caroline’s Intriguing Moments
My Vision: I will perfect my process of writing great scripts and be recognized by the industry as good at what I do and have successful movies produced.
What I learned: I am still not good with subtext.
Act 1
INT. BALLROOM – EVENING
Callahan Terry is standing on the side of the room, watching the party goers.
Essence: Callahan is acting in capacity of his position as a British diplomat.
Conflict: There are a lot of shady characters here.
Subtext: Callahan is pretending to be just another pencil pusher
Hope/fear: We hope nothing happens but the tension is very thick.
INT. BALLROOM – EVENING
Callahan stops to talk to a female colleague while he watches the crowd. She flirts with him.
Essence: Callahan is acting in capacity of his position as a British diplomat.
Conflict: Callahan is watching the wait staff, one waiter in particular.
Subtext: Callahan is resistant to her charms
Hope/fear: We hope nothing happens but the tension is very thick.
INT. BALLROOM – EVENING
Suddenly, a waiter pulls a gun out from under a tray cover and begins shooting. Callahan jumps to disarm him, people run away, screaming
Essence: Callahan has turned into super spy
Conflict: Will the assassin succeed?
Subtext: The embassy staff has discovered his secret
Hope/fear: Will Callahan subdue the gunman?
EXT. OUTSIDE VENUE – NIGHT
Callahan chases the gunman outside past startled onlookers. He tackles the man and subdues him.
Essence: Callahan is a bad ass super spy
Conflict: Callahan’s “cover” had been blown
Subtext: He has a lot of secrets
Hope/fear: What will this mean for Callahan’s position?
INT. HEAD OF MI6’s OFFICE – DAY
Callahan’s boss tells him to go on vacation.
Essence: Callahan stepped out of his role to get the bad guy and he is in trouble for it.
Conflict: Callahan does not want to go on vacation during a critical moment in the fight against terrorism.
Subtext: The boss is afraid to say that he is worried about Callahan’s mental health
Hope/fear: Will Callahan lose it?
INT. CALLAHAN’S KITCHEN – NIGHT
Callahan talks on his phone with someone about vacation.
Essence: Callahan is hesitant to leave his home.
Conflict: Callahan has to go or risk his job.
Subtext: Callahan is scared of something
Hope/fear: We want him to be happy
Act 2
INT. AARON’S HOUSE – DAY
Callahan knocks on his friend Aaron’s door in the U.S.
Essence: Callahan has American friends
Conflict: Who are these people?
Subtext: Callahan is reaching out to these people for a reason.
Hope/fear: We hope Callahan is happy.
EXT. AARON’S POOL – DAY
Aaron, Callahan and Gabrielle are hanging out at the pool.
Essence: The trio is close.
Conflict: They are talking about Callahan’s wife
Subtext: Something is being unsaid
Hope/fear: Where is Callahan’s wife?
EXT. AARON’S POOL – DAY
Gabrielle leaves to go to the store for something Aaron forgotEssence: Gabrielle seems to have to wait on Aaron a lot
Conflict: Aaron seems a bit of a jerk
Subtext: There is a conflict here
Hope/fear: Are they going to have an argument?
INT. AARON’S KITCHEN – DAY
Aaron gets a ransom call; Gabrielle has been kidnapped!
Essence: Callahan has to turn into a super spy
Conflict: Gabrielle has been kidnapped!
Subtext: Aaron is acting evasive
Hope/fear: Will Gabrielle be ok?
INT. AARON’S CAR – DAY
Aaron and Callahan are at the ransom drop.
Essence: They must rescue Gabrielle!
Conflict: What if they can’t get her back?
Subtext: Callahan is hiding that he is a super spy.
Hope/fear: Something bad is going to happen
EXT. RANSOM DROP – DAY
Aaron drops the money while Callahan watches. Aaron is snatched up. A gunfight ensues.
Essence: Callahan is alone in a strange country and must rescue his friends.
Conflict: Aaron has been kidnapped too!
Subtext: Someone is forcing Callahan to act.
Hope/fear: We fear for Aaron and Gabrielle’s safety
INT. AARON’S CAR – DAY
Callahan sits shell shocked. Police sirens get closer. Callahan drives away.
Essence: Callahan does not want to get involved with the police.
Conflict: Callahan must figure out what to do
Subtext: Callahan is hiding who he is
Hope/fear: We don’t want him to get caught.
INT. AARON’S HOUSE – DAY
Callahan grabs his things from Callahan’s house and leaves in his rental car.
Essence: Callahan wants to figure this out himself
Conflict: He is not sure who he can trust
Subtext: Callahan has to hide who he is
Hope/fear: Can he save his friends?
INT. CALLAHAN’S CAR – DAY
Callahan calls his boss back in the UK
Essence: Callahan wants the ok to go after the kidnapper
Conflict: The boss wants him to go to the police and Aaron’s CIA boss
Subtext: The boss is trying to be diplomatic
Hope/fear: With the CIA involved, Aaron and Gabrielle might not make it
INT. CIA OFFICE – DAY
Callahan talks to the CIA section chief who recommends Callahan leave the country
Essence: Callahan has decided to do it his boss’s way
Conflict: The CIA doesn’t seem to care
Subtext: Callahan is lying about who he really is
Hope/fear: Will Callahan get deported?
INT. CALLAHAN’S HOTEL ROOM – EARLY MORNING
Callahan gets a call from an unknown number. It is the kidnapper luring him to his lair in Mexico
Essence: Callahan must go and rescue his friends
Conflict: Callahan does not have any weapons
Subtext: Callahan is being set up
Hope/fear: Callahan and the hostages will be killed
Act 3
INT. CALLAHAN’S HOTEL LOBBY– MORNING
Callahan is checking out and is confronted by two FBI agents.
Essence: Callahan is being threatened by the agents into leaving the U.S.
Conflict: Callahan is not going to do that and doesn’t tell them about the call
Subtext: Callahan lies and says he is leaving
Hope/fear: Callahan will be deported
INT. CALLAHAN’S RENTAL CAR – MORNING
Callahan can plainly see he is being followed. He drives to a coffee shop and goes in to make a call.
Essence: Callahan is calling his spy colleagues for info
Conflict: The FBI agents have entered the coffee shop
Subtext: Callahan is plotting
Hope/fear: Callahan will be deported
INT. CALLAHAN’S CAR – DAY
Callahan drives to the rental car place and drops his car off
Essence: Callahan is acting like he is going back to the UK.
Conflict: Callahan is being watched
Subtext: Callahan is being sneaky
Hope/fear: Callahan will be deported
‘
INT. PLANE – DAY
Callahan is on a plane.
Essence: He is seemingly going home
Conflict: Has he given up?
Subtext: Callahan is being polite to hide who he is
Hope/fear: Is he really going home?
EXT. AIRFIELD – DAY
Callahan alights from a plane on a runway. The sign says Mexico!
Essence: Callahan has outwitted the FBI
Conflict: What danger awaits him?
Subtext: Callahan is in complete secret spy mode mode
Hope/fear: Will Callahan save his friends?
EXT. OUTSIDE A COMPOUND – AFTERNOON
Callahan is camouflaged outside the kidnapper’s compound with binoculars. He sees Aaron talking to the arms dealer who killed Callahan’s wife!
Essence: Callahan has been lured to what might be his death
Conflict: Aaron is working for the bad guy!
Subtext: Aaron is treacherous
Hope/fear: Where is Gabrielle? Is she ok?
Act 4
EXT. OUTSIDE COMPOUND – AFTERNOON
Callahan is still in hiding as he observes the FBI agents stationing themselves around the perimeter.
Essence: Callahan was believed
Conflict: Callahan wants to get to Aaron first
Subtext: Callahan is deeply confused
Hope/fear: What will happen to Aaron?
EXT. COMPOUND – NIGHT
Callahan enters the compound and moves toward the main house, stealthily.
Essence: Callahan is going to get to Aaron first.
Conflict: He has to have it out with his so-called friend
Subtext: Callahan is in full spy mode
Hope/fear: Will Callahan get killed?
INT. MAIN HOUSE – NIGHT
Callahan stealthily searches the house, finding Aaron drinking bourbon in the study.
Essence: Callahan confronts this betrayal
Conflict: Why did Aaron do this?
Subtext: Aaron is hiding his true self
Hope/fear: What is going to happen?
INT. STUDY – NIGHT
Aaron tells Callahan the depths of his betrayal and he lured Callahan to get killed
Essence: Aaron sold out his friend
Conflict: Callahan is going to get killed
Subtext: Aaron has hidden who he is
Hope/fear: Callahan might get killed
INT. STUDY – NIGHT
The terrorist enters the study and a gunfight ensues. Callahan flees out the window
Essence: Callahan is going to get killed
Conflict: Aaron and the terrorist are trying to kill Callahan
Subtext: They know who Callahan is
Hope/fear: Will Callahan get away?
EXT. COMPOUND GROUNDS – NIGHT
Callahan is shooting at Aaron and the terrorist while the terrorist taunts him.
Essence: Callahan is trying to lure them out so the FBI can swoop in.
Conflict: Aaron is trying to kill his friend
Subtext: Callahan is a super spy
Hope/fear: Callahan might get killed
INT. OUT BUILDING – NIGHT
Callahan ducks into a out building on the property and lies in wait for Aaron and the terrorist.
Essence: Callahan is trying to surprise him
Conflict: Callahan is being hunted
Subtext: Aaron and the terrorist are walking into a trap
Hope/fear: Callahan might get killed
INT. OUT BUILDING – NIGHT
Callahan gets the jump on the terrorist, wounding him. Aaron has him in his sights
Essence: Callahan is fighting for his life
Conflict: Callahan is fighting for his life
Subtext: Callahan has been betrayed
Hope/fear: Callahan might get killed
INT. OUT BUILDING – NIGHT
Callahan shoots and wounds Aaron after a tense standoff as the FBI bursts in.
Essence: Callahan has defused the situation
Conflict: Aaron is a traitor
Subtext: Callahan is a professional who didn’t let his emotions get the better of him
Hope/fear: Where is Gabrielle?
EXT. COMPOUND DRIVEWAY – DAWN
Callahan is being interviewed by the FBI as Gabrielle, now released, rushes to him from the house
Essence: Aaron has betrayed them both
Conflict: How does one come back from that
Subtext: Callahan saved them both
Hope/fear: Will Gabrielle be OK?
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[WIM] Caroline’s Intriguing Moments
My Vision: I will perfect my process of writing great scripts and be recognized by the industry as good at what I do and have successful movies produced.
What I learned: I thought that this would be difficult but an action story has a lot intriguing moments built in.
Act 1
Secret: Callahan is a secret, bad-ass spy posing as a pencil pusher.
Covert agenda: Aaron is working for the kidnappers to lure Callahan to his death!
Act 2
Hidden identity: Callahan approaches the CIA as the pencil pusher he pretends to be.
Scheme: Callahan plots to lead the CIA right to the kidnapper’s door.
Act 3
Superior position: We see that Aaron is working with the kidnapper but Callahan doesn’t know.
Conspiracy: Aaron and the kidnapper have concocted this plan to kill Callahan.
Act 4
Intrigue: Seeing all the damage that Aaron has caused.
Mystery: Where did the arms dealer/kidnapper go? Where will he turn up next? What devious plot is he cooking up?
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[WIM] Caroline’s Emotional Moments
My Vision: I will perfect my process of writing great scripts and be recognized by the industry as good at what I do and have successful movies produced.
What I learned: Again, I really feel like I did the work, I just have to put it into place.
Beat Sheet
Act 1: Callahan Terry stops a terrorist attack at a reception in Bahrain.
PJ 1: Callahan is undercover at an event in Bahrain looking for a terrorist. ACTION: Callahan stops an attack on the members of the House of Khalifa and takes down the terrorist.
Motivation: While on a holiday Callahan Terry, an MI6 agent, and his wife, Bridget, met Aaron Copley and his wife Gabrielle, at a resort in Sardinia and hit it off. The resort was attacked by terrorists and many people died, including Bridget. Aaron and Gabrielle helped Callahan and Aaron was the lead agent for the CIA tracking down and arresting the terrorists. They have been trauma-bonded friends ever since.
Wound: Callahan has been haunted by his wife’s death since.
Deeper Layer: Callahan is a secret spy who presents as a mild-mannered pencil pusher.
Setup: Callahan attends a reception as an attaché to the British Embassy.
Reveal: Callahan is really a super spy with great skills.
PJ 2: Callahan travels to Virginia to see his American friends, Aaron and Gabrielle Copley. Aaron is a CIA agent. ACTION: Callahan is happy to see his friends.
Bonding: Callahan has bonded with Aaron and Gabrielle over their shared trauma.
Inciting Incident: Gabrielle is kidnapped on her way to the supermarket. ACTION: Callahan’s training kicks in and he goes into tactical mode.
AJ 1: Aaron’s wife is kidnapped and Aaron disappears during the ransom drop. ACTION: Callahan gets into a fire fight with the kidnappers.
Distress: Callahan feels real anxiety and distress when Gabrielle is kidnapped.
Turning Point 1: Callahan shadows Aaron to the ransom drop and sees Aaron swept up.
Despair: Callahan feels extreme despair when Aaron is taken.
AJ 2: Deeper Layer: Aaron is a corrupt CIA agent who is setting up his friend Callahan.
Setup: Aaron presents himself as a by-the-book CIA agent.
Reveal: Aaron messes up the ransom drop and gets swept up by the kidnappers.
Act 2
Callahan is in a race to save his friends.
PJ 3: ACTION: Callahan tries to report what happened to the CIA but he is interrogated and threatened with deportation. He decides to go rogue.
Deeper Layer: The CIA dismisses Callahan but they have had Aaron under surveillance, unbeknownst to Callahan. ACTION: Callahan recognizes that he is being tailed and takes advantage of it.
Setup: Callahan attempts to go through official channels to help his friends.
Reveal: When he is rebuffed, Callahan goes all in to save his friends.
Sacrifice: Callahan risks his personal reputation to help his friends.
Midpoint turning point: Callahan hears from the kidnapper, an arms dealer who killed Callahan’s wife at a resort in Sardinia. ACTION: Callahan warns the kidnapper.
Setup: Callahan gets a call from the kidnapper.
Reveal: The kidnapper, an arms dealer, killed Callahn’s wife in retaliation for MI6 scuttling an arms deal.
Wound: Callahan’s past trauma is brought up when the man who killed his wife calls him.
Escalation: The arms dealer beckons Callahan to his lair in Mexico by taunting him about his wife’s death. ACTION: Callahan prepares himself mentally.
PJ 4: Callahan is filled with rage but needs to be objective and smart. ACTION: Callahan controls his rage.
PJ 5: Callahan takes stock of his skills and arms himself.
Act 3
New plan and overwhelming odds: Callahan embarks on a desperate cross-country trip to the arms dealer’s lair and sneaks into the heavily fortified fortress in the dark of night with the CIA on his trail.
Courage: Callahan will do anything he can to save his friends.
Turning Point 3: huge failure/major shift: Callahan finds out that Aaron is on the arms dealer’s side and was paid to deliver him. ACTION: Callahan is taken aback by Aaron’s betrayal.
Setup: Aaron calls Callahan, begging him for help.
Reveal: Callahan creeps into the compound and sees Aaron being friendly with the arms dealer.
Betrayal: Callahan feels deep betrayal when he sees Aaron talking to the man who killed his wife.
PJ 5: Callahan’s faith in Aaron is shattered when Aaron calls and taunts him while Callahan is casing the compound. ACTION: Callahan is angry at his friend.
AJ 3: Aaron embraces his true evil self. ACTION: Aaron is vengeful.
Hidden weakness: Aaron only cares about himself and his needs, not caring about his own wife.
Act 4
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Callahan gets into a firefight with his friend, Aaron as well as the arms dealer’s men. ACTION: Aaron tries to destroy everyone. ACTION: Callahan is enraged as well.
Setup: The CIA bursts in to clean up the scene.
Reveal: Aaron has been on the CIA’s radar for a long time.
Resolution: Aaron is arrested by the trailing CIA agents. The arms dealer gets away. Callahan rescues Gabrielle who had no idea what was going on.
AJ 4: Aaron is combative and smug as he is arrested. ACTION: Aaron shows no remorse.
PJ 6: Callahan is sad for Gabrielle and bewildered by what happened. ACTION: Callahan comforts Gabrielle.
Betrayal: Callahan is betrayed by Aaron and helps Gabrielle make sense of it.
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[WIM] Caroline’s Reveals!
My Vision: I will perfect my process of writing great scripts and be recognized by the industry as good at what I do and have successful movies produced.
What I learned: I did have a lot of the setup and reveals already built in due to the work from before.
1. What will I reveal?
2. When will the reveal show up in the story?
3. What setups need to be in place to have each reveal work?
4. Where in the story do those setups belong?
Beat Sheet
Act 1: Callahan Terry stops a terrorist attack at a reception in Bahrain.
PJ 1: Callahan is undercover at an event in Bahrain looking for a terrorist. ACTION: Callahan stops an attack on the members of the House of Khalifa and takes down the terrorist.
Motivation: While on a holiday Callahan Terry, an MI6 agent, and his wife, Bridget, met Aaron Copley and his wife Gabrielle, at a resort in Sardinia and hit it off. The resort was attacked by terrorists and many people died, including Bridget. Aaron and Gabrielle helped Callahan and Aaron was the lead agent for the CIA tracking down and arresting the terrorists. They have been trauma-bonded friends ever since.
Deeper Layer: Callahan is a secret spy who presents as a mild-mannered pencil pusher.
Setup: Callahan attends a reception as an attaché to the British Embassy.
Reveal: Callahan is really a super spy with great skills.
PJ 2: Callahan travels to Virginia to see his American friends, Aaron and Gabrielle Copley. Aaron is a CIA agent. ACTION: Callahan is happy to see his friends.
Inciting Incident: Gabrielle is kidnapped on her way to the supermarket. ACTION: Callahan’s training kicks in and he goes into tactical mode.
AJ 1: Aaron’s wife is kidnapped and Aaron disappears during the ransom drop. ACTION: Callahan gets into a fire fight with the kidnappers.
Turning Point 1: Callahan shadows Aaron to the ransom drop and sees Aaron swept up.
AJ 2: Deeper Layer: Aaron is a corrupt CIA agent who is setting up his friend Callahan.
Setup: Aaron presents himself as a by-the-book CIA agent.
Reveal: Aaron messes up the ransom drop and gets swept up by the kidnappers.
Act 2
Callahan is in a race to save his friends.
PJ 3: ACTION: Callahan tries to report what happened to the CIA but he is interrogated and threatened with deportation. He decides to go rogue.
Deeper Layer: The CIA dismisses Callahan but they have had Aaron under surveillance, unbeknownst to Callahan. ACTION: Callahan recognizes that he is being tailed and takes advantage of it.
Setup: Callahan attempts to go through official channels to help his friends.
Reveal: When he is rebuffed, Callahan goes all in to save his friends.
Midpoint turning point: Callahan hears from the kidnapper, an arms dealer who killed Callahan’s wife at a resort in Sardinia. ACTION: Callahan warns the kidnapper.
Setup: Callahan gets a call from the kidnapper.
Reveal: The kidnapper, an arms dealer, killed Callahn’s wife in retaliation for MI6 scuttling an arms deal.
Escalation: The arms dealer beckons Callahan to his lair in Mexico by taunting him about his wife’s death. ACTION: Callahan prepares himself mentally.
PJ 4: Callahan is filled with rage but needs to be objective and smart. ACTION: Callahan controls his rage.
PJ 5: Callahan takes stock of his skills and arms himself.
Act 3
New plan and overwhelming odds: Callahan embarks on a desperate cross-country trip to the arms dealer’s lair and sneaks into the heavily fortified fortress in the dark of night with the CIA on his trail.
Turning Point 3: huge failure/major shift: Callahan finds out that Aaron is on the arms dealer’s side and was paid to deliver him. ACTION: Callahan is taken aback by Aaron’s betrayal.
Setup: Aaron calls Callahan, begging him for help.
Reveal: Callahan creeps into the compound and sees Aaron being friendly with the arms dealer.
PJ 5: Callahan’s faith in Aaron is shattered when Aaron calls and taunts him while Callahan is casing the compound. ACTION: Callahan is angry at his friend.
AJ 3: Aaron embraces his true evil self. ACTION: Aaron is vengeful.
Act 4
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Callahan gets into a firefight with his friend, Aaron as well as the arms dealer’s men. ACTION: Aaron tries to destroy everyone. ACTION: Callahan is enraged as well.
Setup: The CIA bursts in to clean up the scene.
Reveal: Aaron has been on the CIA’s radar for a long time.
Resolution: Aaron is arrested by the trailing CIA agents. The arms dealer gets away. Callahan rescues Gabrielle who had no idea what was going on.
AJ 4: Aaron is combative and smug as he is arrested. ACTION: Aaron shows no remorse.
PJ 6: Callahan is sad for Gabrielle and bewildered by what happened. ACTION: Callahan comforts Gabrielle.
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[WIM] Caroline’s Character Actions Tracks!
My Vision: I will perfect my process of writing great scripts and be recognized by the industry as good at what I do and have successful movies produced.
What I learned: Having done the work in previous lessons made this lesson easier.
Act 1: Callahan takes a vacation to visit his American friends
Motivation: While on a holiday Callahan Terry, an MI6 agent, and his wife, Bridget, met Aaron Copley and his wife Gabrielle, at a resort in Sardinia and hit it off. The resort was attacked by terrorists and many people died, including Bridget. Aaron and Gabrielle helped Callahan and Aaron was the lead agent for the CIA tracking down and arresting the terrorists. They have been trauma-bonded friends ever since.
PJ 1: Callahan is undercover at an event in Bahrain looking for a terrorist. ACTION: Callahan stops an attack on the members of the House of Khalifa and takes down the terrorist.
Deeper Layer: Callahan is a secret spy who presents as a mild-mannered pencil pusher.
PJ 2: Callahan travels to Virginia to see his American friends, Aaron and Gabrielle Copley. Aaron is a CIA agent. ACTION: Callahan is happy to see his friends.
Inciting Incident: Gabrielle is kidnapped on her way to the supermarket. ACTION: Callahan’s training kicks in and he goes into tactical mode.
AJ 1: Aaron’s wife is kidnapped and Aaron disappears during the ransom drop. ACTION: Callahan gets into a fire fight with the kidnappers.
Turning Point 1: Callahan shadows Aaron to the ransom drop and sees Aaron swept up.
AJ 2: Deeper Layer: Aaron is a corrupt CIA agent who is setting up his friend Callahan.
Act 2
Callahan is in a race to save his friends.
PJ 3: ACTION: Callahan tries to report what happened to the CIA but he is interrogated and threatened with deportation. He decides to go rogue.
Deeper Layer: The CIA dismisses Callahan but they have had Aaron under surveillance, unbeknownst to Callahan. ACTION: Callahan recognizes that he is being tailed and takes advantage of it.
Midpoint turning point: Callahan hears from the kidnapper, an arms dealer who killed Callahan’s wife at a resort in Sardinia. ACTION: Callahan warns the kidnapper.
Escalation: The arms dealer beckons Callahan to his lair in Mexico by taunting him about his wife’s death. ACTION: Callahan prepares himself mentally.
PJ 4: Callahan is filled with rage but needs to be objective and smart. ACTION: Callahan controls his rage.
PJ 5: Callahan takes stock of his skills and arms himself.
Act 3
New plan and overwhelming odds: Callahan embarks on a desperate cross-country trip to the arms dealer’s lair and sneaks into the heavily fortified fortress in the dark of night with the CIA on his trail.
Turning Point 3: huge failure/major shift: Callahan finds out that Aaron is on the arms dealer’s side and was paid to deliver him. ACTION: Callahan is taken aback by Aaron’s betrayal.
PJ 5: Callahan’s faith in Aaron is shattered when Aaron calls and taunts him while Callahan is casing the compound. ACTION: Callahan is angry at his friend.
AJ 3: Aaron embraces his true evil self. ACTION: Aaron is vengeful.
Act 4
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Callahan gets into a firefight with his friend, Aaron as well as the arms dealer’s men. ACTION: Aaron tries to destroy everyone. ACTION: Callahan is enraged as well.
Resolution: Aaron is arrested by the trailing CIA agents. The arms dealer gets away. Callahan rescues Gabrielle who had no idea what was going on.
AJ 4: Aaron is combative and smug as he is arrested. ACTION: Aaron shows no remorse.
PJ 6: Callahan is sad for Gabrielle and bewildered by what happened. ACTION: Callahan comforts Gabrielle.
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[WIM] Caroline’s New Outline Beats!
My Vision: I will perfect my process of writing great scripts and be recognized by the industry as good at what I do and have successful movies produced.
What I learned: This was very helpful in sorting out the gaps.
PJ: Callahan
AJ: Aaron
Act 1: Callahan takes a vacation to visit his American friends
Motivation: While on a holiday Callahan Terry, an MI6 agent, and his wife, Bridget, met Aaron Copley and his wife Gabrielle, at a resort in Sardinia and hit it off. The resort was attacked by terrorists and many people died, including Bridget. Aaron and Gabrielle helped Callahan and Aaron was the lead agent for the CIA tracking down and arresting the terrorists. They have been trauma-bonded friends ever since.
PJ 1: Callahan is undercover at an event in Bahrain looking for a terrorist. He stops an attack on the members of the House of Khalifa and takes down the terrorist.
Deeper Layer: Callahan is a secret spy who presents as a mild-mannered pencil pusher.
PJ 2: Callahan travels to Virginia to see his American friends, Aaron and Gabrielle Copley. Aaron is a CIA agent.
Inciting Incident: Gabrielle is kidnapped on her way to the supermarket.
AJ 1: Aaron’s wife is kidnapped and Aaron disappears during the ransom drop.
Turning Point 1: Callahan shadows Aaron to the ransom drop and sees Aaron swept up.
AJ 2: Deeper Layer: Aaron is a corrupt CIA agent who is setting up his friend Callahan.
Act 2
Callahan is in a race to save his friends.
PJ 3: Callahan tries to report what happened to the CIA and he is interrogated and threatened with deportation.
Deeper Layer: The CIA dismisses Callahan but they have had Aaron under surveillance, unbeknownst to Callahan. They start to surveille Callahan but he recognizes the tail immediately.
Midpoint turning point: Callahan hears from the kidnapper, an arms dealer who killed Callahan’s wife at a resort in Sardinia.
Escalation: The arms dealer beckons Callahan to his lair in Mexico by taunting him about his wife’s death.
PJ 4: Callahan is filled with rage but needs to be objective and smart.
PJ 5: Callahan takes stock of his skills and arms himself.
Act 3
New plan and overwhelming odds: Callahan embarks on a desperate cross-country trip to the arms dealer’s lair and sneaks into the heavily fortified fortress in the dark of night with the CIA on his trail.
Turning Point 3: huge failure/major shift: Callahan finds out that Aaron is on the arms dealer’s side and was paid to deliver him.
PJ 5: Callahan’s faith in Aaron is shattered when Aaron calls and taunts him while Callahan is casing the compound.
AJ 3: Aaron embraces his true evil self.
Act 4
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Callahan gets into a firefight with his friend, Aaron as well as the arms dealer’s men.
Resolution: Aaron is arrested by the trailing CIA agents. The arms dealer gets away. Callahan rescues Gabrielle who has no idea what is going on.
AJ 4: Aaron is combative and smug as he is arrested.
PJ 6: Callahan is sad for Gabrielle and bewildered by what happened.
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[WIM] Caroline’s Beat Sheet – First Draft
My Vision: I will perfect my process of writing great scripts and be recognized by the industry as good at what I do and have successful movies produced.
What I learned: This was difficult, but I think I have a good start.
PJ: Callahan
AJ: Aaron
Act 1: Callahan takes a vacation to visit his American friends
Motivation: While on a holiday Callahan Terry, an MI6 agent, and his wife, Bridget, met Aaron Copley and his wife Gabrielle, at a resort in Sardinia and hit it off. The resort was attacked by terrorists and many people died, including Bridget. Aaron and Gabrielle helped Callahan and Aaron was the lead agent for the CIA in tracking down and arresting the terrorists. They have been trauma-bonded friends ever since.
PJ 1: Callahan is undercover at an event in Bahrain looking for a terrorist. He stops an attack on the members of the House of Khalifa and takes down the terrorist.
Deeper Layer: Callahan is a secret spy who presents as a mild-mannered pencil pusher.
PJ 2: Callahan travels to Virginia to see his American friends, Aaron and Gabrielle Copley. Aaron is a CIA agent.
Inciting Incident: Gabrielle is kidnapped on her way to the supermarket.
AJ 1: Aaron’s wife is kidnapped and Aaron disappears during the ransom drop.
Turning Point 1: Callahan shadows Aaron to the ransom drop and sees Aaron swept up, too.
AJ 2: Deeper Layer: Aaron is a corrupt CIA agent who is setting up his friend Callahan.
Act 2
Callahan is in a race to save his friends.
PJ 3: Callahan tries to report what happened to the CIA and he is interrogated and threatened with deportation.
Deeper Layer: The CIA dismisses Callahan but they have had Aaron under surveillance, unbeknownst to Callahan.
Midpoint turning point: Callahan hears from the kidnapper, an arms dealer who killed Callahan’s wife at a resort in Sardinia.
Escalation: The arms dealer beckons Callahan to his lair in Mexico.
Overwhelming Odds: Callahan embarks on a desperate cross-country trip to the arms dealer’s lair and sneaks into the heavily fortified fortress in the dark of night with the CIA on his trail.
PJ 4: Callahan must rely on his skills to lose his CIA tail and prepare himself to save his friends.
Act 3
New plan: He travels to Mexico to save his friends with the CIA after him.
Turning Point 3: huge failure/major shift: Callahan finds out that Aaron is on the arms dealer’s side and was paid to deliver him.
PJ 5: Callahan’s faith in Aaron is shattered when Aaron calls and taunts him
AJ 3: Aaron embraces his true evil self.
Act 4
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Callahan gets into a firefight with the arms dealer’s men.
PJ 5: Callahan is filled with rage but needs to be objective and smart.
Resolution: Aaron is arrested by the trailing CIA agents. The arms dealer gets away. Callahan rescues Gabrielle who had no idea what was going on.
AJ 4: Aaron is combative and smug as he is arrested.
PJ 6: Callahan is sad for Gabrielle and bewildered by what happened.
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[WIM] Caroline’s Deeper Layer
My Vision: I will perfect my process of writing great scripts and be recognized by the industry as good at what I do and have successful movies produced.
What I learned: I was really scared to do this assignment because I always think I don’t have any good ideas/know what I am doing.
Surface Layer: Callahan is a mild-mannered office worker.
Deeper Layer: He’s a highly trained assassin and spy
Major Reveal: It gets revealed when the ransom drop goes wrong
Influences Surface Story: His deceased wife made him promise not to do dangerous things but he can’t stand by when his friends are kidnapped.
Hints: Callahan disarms the knife wielding guy at the opening banquet and thwarts a larger attack.
Changes Reality: Seeing Callahan become who he really is, makes us understand that he is very dangerous to criminals like Aaron and the arms dealer. They have no idea what they have unleashed
Beginning: Callahan is an MI6 agent who has lost his wife in a terrorist attack
Inciting Incident: Callahan subtly disarms a knife wielding man at a banquet thwarting a plot by terrorists in the UK. The terrorists threaten revenge.
Turning Point 1: Callahan’s life is threatened and he is told to take time off.
Act 2: Callahan visits his CIA friend Aaron Copley and his wife, Gabrielle, in the U.S.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Gabrielle is kidnapped and Aaron disappears at the ransom drop and Callahan engages in a gun fight with the kidnappers, barely escaping with his life and taking down some of them.
Act 3: Callahan reaches out to the CIA for help but isn’t believed.
Turning Point 3: The CIA threatens Callahan as Aaron has contacted them, Callahan realizes the Aaron is part of the plot.
Act 4 Climax: Callahan follows the terrorist to his desert estate in Mexico while leading the CIA, who is watching him, to the enemy’s lair.
Resolution: A shoot out, Aaron is arrested by the CIA and Callahan saves Gabrielle. The arms dealer escapes.
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[WIM] Caroline’s Character Structure
My Vision: I will perfect my process of writing great scripts and be recognized by the industry as good at what I do and have successful movies produced.
What I learned: This was very helpful because it really fleshed out my antagonist’s back story.
Protagonist: Callahan Terry
Highly Skilled Hero: MI6 agent who is by-the-book
Mission: Save his American friend’s wife from an arms dealer
Demand for Action: He must save her or she dies!
Antagonist: Arms dealer and also his double-crossing friend
Escalating action: A ransom drop turns into a shootout, the friend disappears, and the hunt for the perpetrator ensues.
Mission Track
Motivation: While on a holiday Callahan Terry, an MI6 agent, and his wife, Bridget, met Aaron Copley and his wife Gabrielle, at a resort in Sardinia and hit it off. The resort was attacked by terrorists and many people died, including Bridget. Aaron and Gabrielle helped Callahan and Aaron was the lead agent for the CIA tracking down and arresting the terrorists. They have been trauma-bonded friends ever since.
Inciting Incident: Callahan visits Aaron and Gabrielle at their home in Virginia; it’s his first ever visit to the U.S. Gabrielle is kidnapped on her way to the supermarket.
First Action: After the ransom call comes in, Callahan shadows Aaron to the drop and Aaron is also kidnapped.
Obstacle: Callahan reaches out to the CIA to help but his offer to help is rejected and he is warned to stay away from the case after being interrogated at risk of being deported.
Escalation: The arms dealer beckons Callahan to his lair in Mexico but he is being followed by the CIA and must lose them.
Overwhelming Odds: Callahan embarks on a desperate cross-country trip to the arms dealer’s lair and sneaks into the heavily fortified fortress in the dark of night with the CIA on his trail.
Twist: During his surveillance, he finds out that Aaron is working with the arms dealer. Gabrielle is nowhere in sight. Callahan worries for her.
New Plan: Callahan works to separate Aaron from the compound.
Full-out attack: Aaron acts as if he is giving up but summons the arms dealer and his men and Callahan is in a fight for his life.
Success: The CIA show up in the middle of the firefight and arrest Aaron. The arms dealer escapes. Callahan finds Gabrielle unharmed.
Concept: An MI6 agent on a visit to the U.S. doesn’t know who to trust when his friend’s wife is kidnapped.
Main Conflict: Callahan must find his friend’s wife who has been kidnapped by an arms dealer.
Old Ways: Callahan is a by-the-book MI6 officer.
New Ways: Callahan must break the rules to get to the bottom of the kidnapping.
Act 1
Opening: Callahan is undercover at an event in Bahrain looking for a terrorist. He stops an attack on the members of the House of Khalifa and takes down the terrorist. He is rewarded and urged to take some time off, so he visits Virginia to see his American friends, Aaron and Gabrielle Copley. Aaron is a CIA agent.
Inciting Incident: Gabrielle is kidnapped on her way to the store.
Turning Point: Callahan shadows Aaron to the ransom drop and he also is swept up.
Act 2
New plan: Callahan reports what happened to the CIA.
Plan in Action: Callahan is interrogated and threatened with deportation. The CIA has no idea what is happening.
Midpoint turning point: Callahan hears from the kidnapper, an arms dealer who killed Callahan’s wife at a resort in Sardinia.
Act 3
Rethink everything: Callahan is filled with rage but needs to be objective.
New plan: He travels to Mexico to save his friends with the CIA after him.
Turning Point: huge failure/major shift: Callahan finds out that Aaron is on the arms dealer’s side and was paid to deliver him.
Act 4
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Callahan gets into a firefight with the arms dealer’s men.
Resolution: Aaron is arrested by the trailing CIA agents. The arms dealer gets away. Callahan rescues Gabrielle who had no idea what was going on.
Beginning: Callahan is an MI6 agent who has lost his wife in a terrorist attack
Inciting Incident: Callahan thwarts a plot by terrorists in the UK. The arms dealer threatens revenge.
Turning Point 1: Callahan’s life is threatened and he is told to take time off.
Act 2: Callahan visits his CIA friend Aaron Copley and his wife, Gabrielle, in the U.S.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Gabrielle is kidnapped and Aaron disappears at the ransom drop.
Act 3: Callahan reaches out to the CIA for help but isn’t believed.
Turning Point 3: The CIA threatens Callahan as Aaron has contacted them, Callahan realizes the Aaron is part of the plot.
Act 4 Climax: Callahan follows the terrorist to his desert estate in Mexico while leading the CIA, who is watching him, to the enemy’s lair.
Resolution: A shoot out, Aaron is arrested by the CIA and Callahan saves Gabrielle. The arms dealer escapes.
Antagonist
Beginning: Idealistic CIA agent out of college
Inciting Incident: Witnessed a drug kingpin get let go by the U.S. government
Turning Point 1: Was approached by an arms dealer to help him. He accepted and began to help
Act 2: Befriended Callahan and his wife Bridget at a resort to help the arms dealer murder his greatest enemy in MI6, Callahan.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Bridget died instead, the arms dealer put pressure on Aaron.
Act 3: Aaron invites Callahan to the U.S. to set him up again to be murdered in a drive-by.
Turning Point 3: To spur Aaron into action, the arms dealer kidnaps Gabrielle, Aaron’s wife. Aaron runs interference with his bosses saying Callahan made the whole thing up.
Act 4 Climax: Aaron lures Callahan to the arms dealer’s lair in Mexico.
Resolution: Aaron is arrested by the CIA who follow Callahan; Aaron was under surveillance this whole time.
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[WIM] Caroline’s Supporting Characters
My Vision: I will perfect my process of writing great scripts and be recognized by the industry as good at what I do and have successful movies produced.
What I learned: I really enjoyed this exercise and found it very helpful.
Supporting Characters: Gabrielle Copley, Bridget Terry, CIA Supervisor, Arms Dealer, MI6 colleague
Background Characters: Party goers, airline personnel, tourists
Support 1:
Name: Gabrielle Copley
Role: Aaron’s wife
Main Purpose: To get kidnapped by the arms dealer
Value: Her kidnapping spurs Callahan into action
Support 2:
Name: Bridget Terry
Role: Callahan’s wife
Main Purpose: To die by the hand of the arms dealer
Value: She is the reason that Callahan feels guilty
Support 3:
Name: CIA Supervisor
Role: Aaron’s boss
Main Purpose: To run interference and refuse to help Callahan
Value: Makes Callahan feel guilty
Support 4:
Name: Arms Dealer
Role: Bad Guy
Main Purpose: He is the bad guy, does bad things and spurs the action
Value: His actions cause Callahan to morph into super spy and Aaron to become a criminal
Support 5:
Name: MI6 colleague
Role: Friend of Callahan’s
Main Purpose: Helps Callahan from afar
Value: Supports Callahan and gives him someone to trust
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[WIM] Caroline’s Character Profiles Part 2
My Vision: I will perfect my process of writing great scripts and be recognized by the industry as good at what I do and have successful movies produced.
What I learned: I really enjoyed this and it as helpful to flesh out the characters more.
Callahan Terry
· The High Concept: An MI6 agent on a visit to the U.S. doesn’t know who to trust when his friend’s wife is kidnapped.
· This character’s journey: From wounded widower to lethal killing machine
· The actor/attractors:
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it? James Bond in America2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story? His character is iconic
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script? Chases, gun fights, battles of wits
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor? Introduce him as a debonair gentleman who flips on a dime and becomes a gun-wielding, judo-chopping hero.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range? Empathy, sadness, rage
6. What subtext can the actor play? A quiet killer when needed
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have? With his co-workers, his friend and his friend’s wife
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented? As a British Secret Service agent, accent and all
9. What could make this character special and unique? He seems like a paper pusher but is really is an action hero.
· Role in the Story: Protagonist
· Age range and Description: Late 40s, Black, British
· Core Traits: Deliberate, calm
· Motivation; Want/Need: Wants justice; needs to find peace
· Wound: What they can’t face: Losing his wife to a terrorist
· Likability: Callahan loves his wife dearly and takes her on vacation
· Relatability: Everyone loves to go away with the person they love the most
· Empathy: They have a good relationship that is nice to see
· Character Subtext: Hiding something acting as a pencil pusher
· Character Intrigue: Secret identity: Mild-mannered by day, but when the chips are down, becomes 007
· Flaw: Undervalues himself and his ability
· Values: Love, Duty
· Character Dilemma: Being who he is vs. guilt over-promising his wife to stay safe
Aaron Copley
· The High Concept: An MI6 agent on a visit to the U.S. doesn’t know who to trust when his friend’s wife is kidnapped.
· This character’s journey: From CIA agent to terrorist
· The actor/attractors:
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it? The CIA agent who turns on his friend.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story? You trust him and he seems like a good guy,
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script? Betraying his friend
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor? In a flashback when Callahan’s wife is killed.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range? Arrogant, devious, smart aleck
6. What subtext can the actor play? Wounded, afraid
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have? Betraying his wife, betraying his friend, betraying his government
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented? Slightly nerdy maybe?
9. What could make this character special and unique? You don’t expect him to be duplicitous.
· Role in the Story: Antagonist
· Age range and Description: Late 40s, White, American
· Core Traits: Brash, Loud, likes to show off
· Motivation; Want/Need: Wants to be the hero; needs to feel secure
· Wound: What they can’t face: Being passed over his whole life for not being good enough
· Likability: Aaron is funny and seems loyal
· Relatability: We like to be around people who are at ease with themselves
· Empathy: He is loyal to his job even after he has been passed over for a promotion. We all know what that is like.
· Character Subtext: Deeply insecure
· Character Intrigue: Hidden agenda as a corrupt CIA agent plotting against his friend
· Flaw: Over-confidence in his abilities and worth
· Values: Winning, Competitiveness
· Character Dilemma: He wants to be a winner but his actions make him a loser
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[WIM] Caroline’s Character Profiles Part 1
My Vision: I will perfect my process of writing great scripts and be recognized by the industry as good at what I do and have successful movies produced.
What I learned: I have all of the pieces and I just have to put it together.
Callahan Terry
· The High Concept: An MI6 agent on a visit to the U.S. doesn’t know who to trust when his friend’s wife is kidnapped.
· This character’s journey: From wounded widower to lethal killing machine
· The actor/attractors:
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it? James Bond in America2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story? His character is iconic
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script? Chases, gun fights, battles of wits
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor? Introduce him as a debonair gentleman who flips on a dime and becomes a gun-wielding, judo-chopping hero.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range? Empathy, sadness, rage
6. What subtext can the actor play? A quiet killer when needed
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have? With his co-workers, his friend and his friend’s wife
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented? As a British Secret Service agent, accent and all
9. What could make this character special and unique? He seems like a paper pusher but is really is an action hero.
· Role in the Story: Protagonist
· Age range and Description: Late 40s, Black, British
· Core Traits: Deliberate, calm
· Motivation; Want/Need: Wants justice; needs to find peace
· Wound: What they can’t face: Losing his wife to a terrorist
· Likability: Callahan loves his wife dearly and takes her on vacation
· Relatability: Everyone loves to go away with the person they love the most
· Empathy: They have a good relationship that is nice to see
Aaron Copley
· The High Concept: An MI6 agent on a visit to the U.S. doesn’t know who to trust when his friend’s wife is kidnapped.
· This character’s journey: From CIA agent to terrorist
· The actor/attractors:
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it? The CIA agent who turns on his friend.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story? You trust him and he seems like a good guy,
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script? Betraying his friend
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor? In a flashback when Callahan’s wife is killed.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range? Arrogant, devious, smart aleck
6. What subtext can the actor play? Wounded, afraid
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have? Betraying his wife, betraying his friend, betraying his government
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented? Slightly nerdy maybe?
9. What could make this character special and unique? You don’t expect him to be duplicitous.
· Role in the Story: Antagonist
· Age range and Description: Late 40s, White, American
· Core Traits: Brash, Loud, likes to show off
· Motivation; Want/Need: Wants to be the hero; needs to feel secure
· Wound: What they can’t face: Being passed over his whole life for not being good enough
· Likability: Aaron is funny and seems loyal
· Relatability: We like to be around people who are at ease with themselves
· Empathy: He is loyal to his job even after he has been passed over for a promotion. We all know what that is like.
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[WIM] Caroline’s Likability/Relatability/Empathy
My Vision: I will perfect my process of writing great scripts and be recognized by the industry as good at what I do and have successful movies produced.
What I learned: I thought this was a bit difficult but it was valuable in trying to get to the heart of the characters.
Protagonist
Likability: Callahan loves his wife dearly and takes her on vacation
Relatability: Everyone loves to go away with the person they love the most
Empathy: They have a good relationship that is nice to see
Antagonist
Likability: Aaron is funny and seems loyal
Relatability: We like to be around people who are at ease with themselves
Empathy: He is loyal to his job even after he has been passed over for a promotion. We all know what that is like.
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[WIM] Caroline’s Character Intrigue
My Vision: I will perfect my process of writing great scripts and be recognized by the industry as good at what I do and have successful movies produced.
What I learned: I was worried about this assignment but I thought it went well.
Character Name: Callahan Terry
Role: Protagonist
Hidden agendas:
Competition:
Conspiracies:
Secrets: Very adept at spycraft
Deception: Presents as a mild-mannered pencil pusher
Unspoken Wound:
Secret Identity: Hiding his real identity as a spy
Character Name: Aaron Copely
Role: Antagonist
Hidden agendas: To deliver Callahan to an arms dealer
Competition:
Conspiracies: Conspiring with the arms dealer to lure Callahan to his death
Secrets: Secretly knows Callahan’s secret
Deception: Deceives his wife and his friend
Unspoken Wound:
Secret Identity: Presents as a CIA agent but is a criminal
Callahan visits Aaron and his wife, Gabrielle, in the States and Gabrielle gets kidnapped and then Aaron disappears so Callahan must use his skills to save his friends, unknowingly walking into a trap set by Aaron and the arms dealer who killed Callahan’s wife Bridget 10 years ago.
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[WIM] Caroline’s Subtext Characters
My Vision: I will perfect my process of writing great scripts and be recognized by the industry as good at what I do and have successful movies produced.
What I learned: This was a little difficult but it’s a first draft so I’m fine with it.
Movie Title: Casino Royale
Character Name: James Bond
Subtext Identity: Regret
Subtext Trait: He says he only likes married women but falls for Vesper
Subtext Logline: A secret romantic.
Possible Areas of Subtext: Quit the Royal Service for her, tried to save her from drowning.
Character Name: Callahan Terry
Subtext Identity: A spy
Subtext Trait: A pencil-pushing widower in mourning
Subtext Logline: Mild-mannered by day, but when the chips are down, becomes 007
Possible Areas of Subtext: Saving the day at an event, saving his friends, being betrayed
Character Name: Aaron Copely
Subtext Identity: Deeply insecure
Subtext Trait: Macho over compensator
Subtext Logline: Tough guy CIA agent who is very weak and greedy with a chip on his shoulder
Possible Areas of Subtext: When he sells out his friend, lets his wife get kidnapped
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[WIM] Caroline’s Actor Attractors!
My Vision: I will perfect my process of writing great scripts and be recognized by the industry as good at what I do and have successful movies produced.
What I learned: This was a bit difficult, but as the directions say, it is just a first draft.
ACTOR ATTRACTOR TEMPLATE
Lead Character Name: Callahan Terry
Role: (Protagonist or Antagonist) Protagonist
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it? James Bond in America
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story? His character is iconic
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script? Chases, gun fights, battles of wits
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor? Introduce him as a debonair gentleman who flips on a dime and becomes a gun wielding, judo chopping hero.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range? Empathy, sadness, rage
6. What subtext can the actor play? A quiet killer when needed
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have? With his co-workers, his friend and his friend’s wife
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented? As a British Secret Service agent, accent and all
9. What could make this character special and unique? He seems like a paper pusher but is really is an action hero.
ACTOR ATTRACTOR TEMPLATE
Lead Character Name: Aaron Copley
Role: (Protagonist or Antagonist): Antagonist
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it? The CIA agent who turns on his friend.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story? You trust him and he seems like a good guy,
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script? Betraying his friend
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor? In a flashback when Callahan’s wife is killed.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range? Arrogant, devious, smart aleck
6. What subtext can the actor play? Wounded, afraid
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have? Betraying his wife, betraying his friend, betraying his government
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented? Slightly nerdy maybe?
9. What could make this character special and unique? You don’t expect him to be duplicitous.
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[WIM] Caroline’s Actor Attractors for Casino Royale
My Vision: I will perfect my process of writing great scripts and be recognized by the industry as good at what I do and have successful movies produced.
What I learned: It’s all about the Action, Action, Action
ACTOR ATTRACTORS Template
Movie Title: Casino Royale
Lead Character Name: James Bond
1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? The role is iconic
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? James Bond is suave, debonair, smart, athletic, has a cool job and gets the girl.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? He is an epic chase scene, he emerges from the ocean dripping wet, he breaks into his boss’s home, he wins an Aston Martin in a card game.
4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? He kills a bad guy in the first scene, which is shot in black and white; very noir.
5. What is this character’s emotional range? Anger, calm, a little regret
6. What subtext can the actor play? Regret
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? The most interesting relationship he has is with his boss.
8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? Bond is not a big talker. He is an action man.
9. What makes this character special and unique? He really can do it all.
10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.) Right after he is nearly fatally poisoned, he realizes that Mathis is the enemy and Vesper is in danger. He runs out of the restaurant and a chase begins.
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[WIM] Caroline’s Genre Conventions
My Vision: I will perfect my process of writing great scripts and be recognized by the industry as good at what I do and have successful movies produced.
What I learned: I learned that by relying on previous lessons, I can really get creative.
Title: Deniable
Concept: An MI6 agent on a visit to the U.S. doesn’t know who to trust when his friend’s wife is kidnapped.
Genre: Action
Action Conventions:
Highly Skilled Hero: MI6 agent who is by-the-book
Mission: Save his American friend’s wife from an arms dealer
Demand for Action: He must save her or she dies!
Antagonist: Arms dealer and also his double-crossing friend
Escalating action: A ransom drop turns into a shootout, the friend disappears, and the hunt for the perpetrator ensues.
Mission Track
Motivation: While on a holiday Callahan Terry, an MI6 agent, and his wife, Bridget, met Aaron Copley and his wife Gabrielle, at a resort in Sardinia and hit it off. The resort was attacked by terrorists and many people died, including Bridget. Aaron and Gabrielle helped Callahan and Aaron was the lead agent for the CIA tracking down and arresting the terrorists. They have been trauma-bonded friends ever since.
Inciting Incident: Callahan visits Aaron and Gabrielle at their home in Virginia; it’s his first ever visit to the U.S. Gabrielle is kidnapped on her way to the supermarket.
First Action: After the ransom call comes in, Callahan shadows Aaron to the drop and Aaron is also kidnapped.
Obstacle: Callahan reaches out to the CIA to help but his offer to help is rejected and he is warned to stay away from the case after being interrogated at risk of being deported.
Escalation: The arms dealer beckons Callahan to his lair in Mexico but he is being followed by the CIA and must lose them.
Overwhelming Odds: Callahan embarks on a desperate cross-country trip to the arms dealer’s lair and sneaks into the heavily fortified fortress in the dark of night with the CIA on his trail.
Twist: During his surveillance, he finds out that Aaron is working with the arms dealer. Gabrielle is nowhere in sight. Callahan worries for her.
New Plan: Callahan works to separate Aaron from the compound.
Full-out attack: Aaron acts as if he is giving up but summons the arms dealer and his men and Callahan is in a fight for his life.
Success: The CIA show up in the middle of the firefight and arrest Aaron. The arms dealer escapes. Callahan finds Gabrielle unharmed.
Act 1
Opening: Callahan is undercover at an event in Bahrain looking for a terrorist. He stops an attack on the members of the House of Khalifa and takes down the terrorist. He is rewarded and urged to take some time off, so he visits Virginia to see his American friends, Aaron and Gabrielle Copley. Aaron is a CIA agent.
Inciting Incident: Gabrielle is kidnapped on her way to the store.
Turning Point: Callahan shadows Aaron to the ransom drop, a firefight ensues and Aaron is captured.
Act 2
New plan: Callahan reports what happened to the CIA.
Plan in Action: Callahan is interrogated and threatened with deportation. The CIA has no idea what is happening.
Midpoint turning point: Callahan hears from the kidnapper, an arms dealer who killed Callahan’s wife at a resort in Sardinia. He tells Callahan its his life for Aaron and Gabrielle.
Act 3
Rethink everything: Callahan is filled with rage but needs to be objective. He formulates a plan.
New plan: He arms himself from Aaron’s gun closet, big, scary weapons, and travels to Mexico to save his friends with the CIA after him.
Turning Point: huge failure/major shift: Callahan finds out that Aaron is on the arms dealer’s side and was paid to deliver him.
Act 4
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Callahan gets into a firefight with the arms dealer’s men. Aaron tries to kill him.
Resolution: Aaron is arrested by the trailing CIA agents. The arms dealer gets away. Callahan rescues Gabrielle who had no idea what was going on.
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[WIM] Caroline’s 4 Act Transformational Structure
My Vision: I will perfect my process of writing great scripts and be recognized by the industry as good at what I do and have successful movies produced.
What I learned: Because my movie is an action movie, I went and looked up the Action lessons and found that I need to meet the conventions of an action movie:
Highly Skilled Hero: MI6 agent who is by-the-book
Mission: Save his American friend’s wife from an arms dealer
Demand for Action: He must save her or she dies!
Antagonist: Arms dealer and also his double-crossing friend
Escalating action: A ransom drop turns into a shootout, the friend disappears, and the hunt for the perpetrator ensues.
Mission Track
Motivation: While on a holiday Callahan Terry, an MI6 agent, and his wife, Bridget, met Aaron Copley and his wife Gabrielle, at a resort in Sardinia and hit it off. The resort was attacked by terrorists and many people died, including Bridget. Aaron and Gabrielle helped Callahan and Aaron was the lead agent for the CIA tracking down and arresting the terrorists. They have been trauma-bonded friends ever since.
Inciting Incident: Callahan visits Aaron and Gabrielle at their home in Virginia; it’s his first ever visit to the U.S. Gabrielle is kidnapped on her way to the supermarket.
First Action: After the ransom call comes in, Callahan shadows Aaron to the drop and Aaron is also kidnapped.
Obstacle: Callahan reaches out to the CIA to help but his offer to help is rejected and he is warned to stay away from the case after being interrogated at risk of being deported.
Escalation: The arms dealer beckons Callahan to his lair in Mexico but he is being followed by the CIA and must lose them.
Overwhelming Odds: Callahan embarks on a desperate cross-country trip to the arms dealer’s lair and sneaks into the heavily fortified fortress in the dark of night with the CIA on his trail.
Twist: During his surveillance, he finds out that Aaron is working with the arms dealer. Gabrielle is nowhere in sight. Callahan worries for her.
New Plan: Callahan works to separate Aaron from the compound.
Full-out attack: Aaron acts as if he is giving up but summons the arms dealer and his men and Callahan is in a fight for his life.
Success: The CIA show up in the middle of the firefight and arrest Aaron. The arms dealer escapes. Callahan finds Gabrielle unharmed.
Concept: An MI6 agent on a visit to the U.S. doesn’t know who to trust when his friend’s wife is kidnapped.
Main Conflict: Callahan must find his friend’s wife who has been kidnapped by an arms dealer.
Old Ways: Callahan is a by-the-book MI6 officer.
New Ways: Callahan must break the rules to get to the bottom of the kidnapping.
Act 1
Opening: Callahan is undercover at an event in Bahrain looking for a terrorist. He stops an attack on the members of the House of Khalifa and takes down the terrorist. He is rewarded and urged to take some time off, so he visits Virginia to see his American friends, Aaron and Gabrielle Copley. Aaron is a CIA agent.
Inciting Incident: Gabrielle is kidnapped on her way to the store.
Turning Point: Callahan shadows Aaron to the ransom drop and he also is swept up.
Act 2
New plan: Callahan reports what happened to the CIA.
Plan in Action: Callahan is interrogated and threatened with deportation. The CIA has no idea what is happening.
Midpoint turning point: Callahan hears from the kidnapper, an arms dealer who killed Callahan’s wife at a resort in Sardinia.
Act 3
Rethink everything: Callahan is filled with rage but needs to be objective.
New plan: He travels to Mexico to save his friends with the CIA after him.
Turning Point: huge failure/major shift: Callahan finds out that Aaron is on the arms dealer’s side and was paid to deliver him.
Act 4
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Callahan gets into a firefight with the arms dealer’s men.
Resolution: Aaron is arrested by the trailing CIA agents. The
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[WIM] Caroline’s Subtext Plot
My Vision: I will perfect my process of writing great scripts and be recognized by the industry as good at what I do and have successful movies produced.
What I learned: I am glad we are going over the subtext points; I have been told I need to work on them.
Concept: An MI6 agent on a visit to the U.S. doesn’t know who to trust when his friend’s wife is kidnapped.
Subtext Plot: Someone Hides Who They Are
The friend is in on the plot to set up the MI6 agent, including putting his wife in harm’s way, to be killed by the arms dealer who killed.
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[WIM] Caroline’s Transformational Journey
My Vision: I will perfect my process of writing great scripts and be recognized by the industry as good at what I do and have successful movies produced.
What I learned: That the best way to start something is just to dive in and I don’t have to have all the answers now.
Arc Beginning: By-the-book loyalist
Arc Ending: Willing to break the rules to find the truth
Internal Journey: Goes from seeing things in black and white to discovering the nuance.
External Journey: From a somewhat timid analyst to a great field operative.Old Ways:
-Did everything by the book
-Feels he always has to prove himself
-Doubts his skills
-Believes all people are good
New Ways:
-Willing to break the rules that need breaking
-Self-confident
-Trusts in his skills
-Drops his naivete and sees people as they really are
-Not suspicious but more worldly
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[WIM] Caroline’s Intentional Lead Characters
My Vision: I will perfect my process of writing great scripts and be recognized by the industry as good at what I do and have successful movies produced.
What I learned: I am stuck a bit on Aaron’s reason why but money is as good as any motive.
Protagonist: Callahan Terry is an MI6 agent who saves his friend’s wife from a kidnapping.
Antagonist: Aaron Copley is the CIA friend who has set Callahan up to be killed by an arms dealer.
Character: Callahan Terry is an MI6 agent.
Logline: Callahan Terry is an MI6 agent who saves his friend’s wife from a kidnapping.
Unique: He owes a debt to Aaron for saving his life in a terrorist attack that killed Callahan’s wife.
Character: Aaron Copley is a CIA agent.
Logline: Aaron Copley is the CIA friend who has set Callahan up to be killed by an arms dealer.
Unique: Aaron has no sense of loyalty and has allowed his wife to be kidnapped so Aaron can deliver Callahan to an arms dealer who wants him dead.
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[WIM] Caroline’s Title, Concept, and Character Structure!
My Vision: I will perfect my process of writing great scripts and be recognized by the industry as good at what I do and have successful movies produced.
What I learned: I just came up with another great title, which I am going to use.
Title: Deniable
Concept: An MI6 agent on a visit to the U.S. doesn’t know who to trust when his friend’s wife is kidnapped.
Character Structure: Protagonist versus Antagonist
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Caroline Fritz
I agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of Writing Incredible Movies, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, through social media, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, videos, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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Hi-
My name is Caroline Fritz. I have written eight screenplays, two scripts for TV, and one play.
My hope for this class is to develop a process for writing screenplays that I can use over and over in the future.
I used to be a journalist and have always loved to write.
Nice to meet everyone!
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Caroline loves separating character dialogue!
What I learned: This was helpful like going backward through my scenes.
Character Profile
1. Nick
Role: Male lead
Core Character Traits: Smart, Sensitive
Character Subtext Logline: Insecure, thought he had it all figured out.
Flaw: Prone to anger due to insecurity
Want/Need: Wants to be his own man
Mission/Agenda: To provide for himself (and his girlfriend)
Character Arc (if any): Doesn’t like change but learns to embrace it
World View: What world?
Life Metaphor/Identity: Life is hard, don’t do too much
Secret: Scared of looking dumb
Something they don’t want to admit about themselves: Would like to change but too scared to do it.
What makes this character unique? Not a stereotype despite looking like one.
Before
NICK
I am an administrative assistant. I started immediately.
After
NICK
I am a super secretary.Nick is owning it.
Before:
NICK
Exhausting.
After
NICK
I am mentally exhausted. That was tougher than any construction job I tell you. And my boss is something else.
Nick is gaining new respect for office work.
Before
NICK
Finance Associates?
After
NICK
I have no idea. Something in finance.
Nick is unsure of the name of the place he works.
Before: NICK
I’ll wear a suit coat and no one can see my ripped up arms.
NICK
I don’t wanna buy new clothes. I’m only gonna be there until I can leave.
Nick is already planning on leaving.
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Caroline’s Elevated Scene Structures
What I learned: That technique gave so much more meaning to the scene! I love it and am going to use it.
1.
Slowly Ella gets up and walks past Nick and knocks on James’s door.
INT. JAMES’S OFFICE – AFTERNOON
JAMES
Enter.
ELLA
Hi, I am here to help with the accounts.
JAMES
Great.
James hands her a large stack of folders.
JAMES
These need to be updated and organized by quarter first, then revenue, then entered in the master spreadsheet in the shared file. Meghan wasn’t big on computers.
Ella leaves the office, struggling with the pile. Nick watches her and then, remembering himself, jumps up.
INT. NICK’S DESK – AFTERNOON
NICK
Let me help you.
Ella dumps the files on his desk and gives him a dirty look.
ELLA
What are you doing here?
NICK
What do you mean, like right now?
ELLA
No, like in this office. What are you doing?
NICK
Working?
ELLA
Is that what you call it?
NICK
Trying?
ELLA
Do you know anything about computers?
NICK
Yeah, I know stuff.
ELLA
I’m talking spreadsheets not porn sites.
NICK
No, I don’t know spreadsheets but I’m learning.
ELLA
How’d you get this job?
Nicks mumbles something but Ella ignores him and looks through the file folders. Nick watches her.
NICK
Hey, you know, I’m sorry I was a jerk to you.
ELLA
Every day for the last six months? Is that what you mean?
NICK
Was it that long? Yea, then.
ELLA
Save it. I’m gonna work on these at my desk.
NICK
What should I do?
ELLA
Try not to sexually harass anyone.
Ella walks away with the pile of files.
Nick watches her walk to her desk. He gets up and walks into the break room. Claire and Jessie are getting coffee.
2. List the components of the scene:
A. Ella is competent enough to handle extra tasksB. Nick is unsure of himself.
C. Ella tells Nick what she thinks of him.
3.
Suspense
Nick is so freaked out by James that he thinks that he treats everyone the same. He tries to stop Ella from going into the office not only because he is afraid of what James will say, he is afraid that James will yell at Ella and he would not be able to bear it.
Crucible
Nick follows Ella into James’s office and they can’t avoid each other.
Investigation / Hiding
Nick lies and tells Ella that he knows what he is doing. But he really doesn’t, just as Ella suspected.
4. Suspense
Slowly Ella gets up and walks past Nick and knocks on James’s door. Nick looks freaked out.
NICK
What are you doing?
Ella turns to give him a withering look.
ELLA
What does it look like I am doing?
Nick looks panicked.
NICK
It’s just that he’s uh …
Ella looks at him is disgust and knocks again.
JAMES
Enter.
Ella opens the door and goes in, closing it behind her.
INT. NICK’S DESK – DAY
Nick peers inside the office, watching, scared. He can see Ella and James talking for a bit and then James hands her a large stack of folders.
Ella opens the door of the office, struggling with the pile of folders. Nick watches her and then, remembering himself, jumps up.
INT. NICK’S DESK – AFTERNOON
NICK
Let me help you.
Ella dumps the files on his desk and gives him a dirty look.
ELLA
What are you doing here?
NICK
What do you mean, like right now?
ELLA
No, like in this office. What are you doing?
NICK
Working?
ELLA
Is that what you call it?
NICK
Trying?
ELLA
Do you know anything about computers?
NICK
Yeah, I know stuff.
ELLA
I’m talking spreadsheets not porn sites.
NICK
No, I don’t know spreadsheets but I’m learning.
ELLA
How’d you get this job?
Nicks mumbles something but Ella ignores him and looks through the file folders. Nick watches her.
NICK
Hey, you know, I’m sorry I was a jerk to you.
ELLA
Every day for the last six months? Is that what you mean?
NICK
Was it that long? Yea, then.
ELLA
Save it. I’m gonna work on these at my desk.
NICK
What should I do?
ELLA
Try not to sexually harass anyone.
Ella walks away with the pile of files.
Nick watches her walk to her desk. He gets up and walks into the break room. Claire and Jessie are getting coffee.
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Caroline’s Dramatic Scene Transitions.
What I learned: This was incredibly difficult.
First transition
Nick nods and gets up.
NICK
Anything else?
James shakes his head.
Nick leaves the office and walks back to his desk.
INT. NICK’S DESK – MORNING
He sits down and breathes out to compose himself. Cracks his knuckles.
1. FLOW
2. The Question and Answer Transition
3. The Overlap Transition
4. The Visual Transition
5. The Reveal/Shock Transition
6. The Subtext Transition
1.
Nick nods and gets up.
NICK
Anything else?
Nick leaves the office and walks back to his desk.
INT. NICK’S DESK – MORNING
Nick sits down.
Nick cracks his knuckles.
Nick breathes deep.
2.
Nick nods and gets up.NICK
Anything else?
James shakes his head.
INT. NICK’S DESK – MORNING
He sits down and breathes out to compose himself. Cracks his knuckles.
3.
Nick nods and gets up.NICK
Anything else?
James shakes his head.
Nick leaves the office and walks back to his desk.
INT. NICK’S DESK – MORNING
He sits down and breathes out to compose himself. Cracks his knuckles.
Behind him James slams his door
4.
Nick nods and gets up.NICK
Anything else?
James shakes his head.
Nick leaves the office and walks back to his desk.
INT. NICK’S DESK – MORNING
He sits down and breathes out to compose himself. Cracks his knuckles.
5.
Nick nods and gets up.
NICK
Anything else?
James shakes his head.
Nick leaves the office and walks back to his desk.
INT. NICK’S DESK – MORNING
He sits down and breathes out to compose himself. Cracks his knuckles.
6. Nick nods and gets up.
NICK
Anything else?
James shakes his head.
INT. NICK’S DESK – MORNING
He sits down and breathes out to compose himself. Cracks his knuckles.
Second Transition
Eh. I have to go apologize again.
Nick walks out of the break room toward Ella’s desk.
INT. ELLA’S DESK – AFTERNOON
Ella talks on the phone to her mom.
1. FLOW
Eh. I have to go apologize again.
Nick walks slowly out of the break room.
Nick takes his time.
He clutches his coffee cup.
He can see Ella on the phone.
He approaches her desk.
INT. ELLA’S DESK – AFTERNOON
Ella talks on the phone to her mom.
2. The Question and Answer Transition
Eh. I have to go apologize again.
INT. ELLA’S DESK – AFTERNOON
Ella talks on the phone to her mom as Nick approaches.
3. The Overlap Transition
Eh. I have to go apologize again.
Nick walks out of the break room toward Ella’s desk.
INT. ELLA’S DESK – AFTERNOON
NICK
Ella, do you have a minute?Ella swivels in her chair, she is talking on the phone. She gives him a dirty look.
INT. NICK’S DESK – AFTERNOON
Nick slumps in his chair.
4. The Visual Transition
Eh. I have to go apologize again.
Nick walks out of the break room toward Ella’s desk.
INT. ELLA’S DESK – AFTERNOON
Ella talks on the phone to her mom. Nick slinks away.
INT. ELLA’S DESK – AFTERNOON
Nick approaches Ella’s desk. She is still on the phone.
5. The Reveal/Shock Transition
Eh. I have to go apologize again.Nick walks out of the break room toward Ella’s desk.
INT. ELLA’S DESK – AFTERNOON
Ella talks on the phone. Nick overhears her conversation.
ELLA
I know that he wants to date me but I am not interested.
Nick slinks away.
6. The Subtext Transition
Eh. I have to go apologize again.Nick walks out of the break room toward Ella’s desk.
INT. ELLA’S DESK – AFTERNOON
Ella talks on the phone.
Nick walks away, dejected.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Caroline Fritz.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by
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Caroline’s Meaningful Action
What I learned: This really helped me get to the meat of the scene.
Before: Ella really wasn’t being dismissed enough by Mary.
MARY
Hi Ella. What can I do for you?
Ella tries to form words. Her mouth is open. She finds her voice.
ELLA
Who is that guy that you were just with?
MARY
Nick? He is James’s new secretary.
ELLA
No. He can’t work here. He is a pig. A sexist pig.
MARY
You know him?
ELLA
In a way, yeah. Every day I walked past the construction site where he worked and he catcalled me.
MARY
He did say he worked in construction.
ELLA
Why is he here?
MARY
He is a really good typist and you know that James can’t keep a secretary to save his life.
ELLA
He’s bad news.
MARY
I’m gonna give him a chance until he blows it. Stay away from him if you don’t like him. Besides, we have mandatory harassment training that he has to take. It will be fine.
Ella narrows her eyes, ready to fight another day as she turns and leaves.
After:
Because this is a romantic comedy, this scene needs more comedy in it. I want to highlight Ella’s frustration with Mary not listening to her.
Mary is shuffling papers on her desk when Ella appears in her doorway. A look of disdain passes over her face and then she rights herself and plasters a smile on her face.
MARY
(too brightly)Hi Ella. What can I do for you?
Ella tries to form words. Her mouth is open. She finds her voice. She points out the door.
ELLA
Who is that guy that you were just with?
Mary smiles at her.
MARY
Nick? He is James’s new secretary. He’s cute, isn’t he? You know, he’s not married.
Ella shakes her head vehemently.
ELLA
No. He can’t work here. He is a pig. A sexist pig.
Mary’s expression is curious.
MARY
You know him?
ELLA
In a way, yeah. Every day I walked past the construction site where he worked and he catcalled me.
Mary nods.
MARY
He did say he worked in construction.
ELLA
Why is he here?
MARY
He is a really good typist and you know that James can’t keep a secretary to save his life.
ELLA
He’s bad news.
MARY
Oh Ella. I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by it. He just probably liked you. You know how boys are.
Ella narrows her eyes, ready to fight another day as she turns and leaves.
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Caroline’s Elevated Story Beats
What I learned: Just a little clarity works wonders.
ONE: Three scenes I would like to improve:
7. INT. OFFICE – DAYElla is asked by her boss to teach Nick Excel. She grudgingly agrees.
8. INT. BAR – NIGHT
Ella’s friends from work tell her that they like him. Ella feels betrayed.
19. INT. ELLA’S HOUSE -NIGHT
Ella tells her mother she will go out with the family friend.
TWO:
7. INT. OFFICE – DAYElla is asked by her boss to teach Nick Excel. She grudgingly agrees.
The purpose of this scene is to show how Ella is respected for her professionalism and business skills.8. INT. BAR – NIGHT
Ella’s friends from work tell her that they like him. Ella feels betrayed.
The purpose of this scene is to show how women don’t stand up for each other.19. INT. ELLA’S HOUSE -NIGHT
Ella tells her mother she will go out with the family friend.
The purpose of this scene is to show the hold that Angela holds over her family.THREE:
7. INT. OFFICE – DAYBefore: Ella is asked by her boss to teach Nick Excel. She grudgingly agrees.
The purpose of this scene is to show how Ella is respected for her professionalism and business skills.
Brainstorm ideas:
Ella refuses
Ella is promised a promotion/raiseElla is asked by James
Ella says nothing when James says something bad about Nick but realizes that James is the same as Nick.
After: Ella is approached by James, who asks her to help his new “idiot” secretary learn the basics of Excel. Ella is shocked by James’s unprofessionalism and says yes before she realizes what she has done.8. INT. BAR – NIGHT
Before: Ella’s friends from work, Jesse and Claire, tell her that they like him. Ella feels betrayed.
The purpose of this scene is to show how women don’t stand up for each other.Brainstorm ideas:
Jesse and Claire say she should get over it
Ella doesn’t say anything when they say how much they like Nick, taking away her ability to speak up for herself.
Claire says that Nick probably likes her, that is why he was mean to her.
After: Claire, Jessie and Ella go out after work. Claire and Jessie spend the time gossiping how cute Nick is and Ella probably was too sensitive. Ella says nothing.FOUR:
New Beat Sheet
1. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
Nick and his work pals are working on the construction site when Ella walks by. They cat-call her and she responds back.
2. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
Nick and his work pals are fired because their boss has not paid his taxes.
3. INT. NICK’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Nick’s girlfriend kicks him out of their shared apartment, and he must move back in with his parents.
4. INT. EMPLOYMENT OFFICE – DAY
Nick aces a typing test at an employment office and gets sent on an interview for an executive assistant.
5. INT. OFFICE – DAY
Nick is hired as an executive assistant at the same office Ella works, but he doesn’t know it. His boss, James, is a ball buster.
6. INT. OFFICE – DAY
Ella can’t believe her tormenter works in her office. She confronts Nick and he realizes who she is. She vows to make his life miserable.
7. INT. OFFICE – DAY
Ella is approached by James, who asks her to help his new “idiot” secretary learn the basics of Excel. Ella is shocked by James’s unprofessionalism and says yes before she realizes what she has done.
8. INT. BAR – NIGHT
Claire, Jessie and Ella go out after work. Claire and Jessie spend the time gossiping how cute Nick is and Ella probably was too sensitive. Ella says nothing.
9. INT. NICK’S HOME – NIGHT
Nick confesses to his mom that he was unnecessarily mean to Ella when she would walk by his construction site and now he works with her. She tells him to apologize. Sam invites him out to a bar to watch the game. Nick is thrilled.
10. INT. BAR – NIGHT
Nick and Sam sit at the bar and watch the game. He runs into Ray, his old boss, who tells him that he is getting a crew back together.
11. INT. OFFICE – DAY
Nick apologizes to Ella ham-handedly but she doesn’t think he is sincere. She decides to sabotage him.
12. INT. OFFICE – DAY
Nick tries to fit in to the office culture and has some success. He catches on quickly and is clever, impressing Ella. He connects with a customer, Harold West, who owns a building that Nick worked on.
13. INT. OFFICE – DAY
Nick invites Ella to lunch. She decides to go. Nick defends her from a boor on the street. Ella starts to thaw a bit. Ella’s mother is pressuring her to go out with a family friend. Ella resists.
14. INT. BAR – NIGHT
Nick, Ella and work friends, Jesse and Claire, go out to a bar after work. They run into Nick’s construction pals. Nick doesn’t take their bait and Ella overhears him defending her. Julie is there and wants to get back together. Nick says no and Ella overhears this. She decides to fix the sabotage.15. INT. OFFICE – DAY
James goes ballistic when the mistake is discovered; Ella did not have time to fix it. She admits to making the mistake, but Nick takes responsibility and is fired.16. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
Nick is walking home and sees Ray at a construction site. He stops and gets his old job back.
17. INT. OFFICE – DAY
Ella feels terrible about getting Nick fired. James asks her to help him by answering his phone.18. EXT. BAR – NIGHT
Ella, Jessie and Claire walk to the bar that Nick hangs out at. They see him leaving with Julie. Ella puts on a good face but cries when she walks home.19. INT. ELLA’S HOUSE -NIGHT
Ella dries her tears outside her house and composes herself before going in. Inside, Angela asks her how her day was and Ella tells her to have Edgar call her. Angela notices her puffy eyes but says nothing but “OK.”
20. INT. JULIE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Julie asks Nick for forgiveness. Nick forgives her.
21. INT. OFFICE – DAY
OFFSCREEN: Harold West calls and asks about Nick. Ella tells him that Nick was let go. Harold asks for his number and Ella gives it to him. ONSCREEN: Ella goes on a date with Edgar.22. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
Nick sees another man in a suit talking to Ray. The scene is familiar.
23. INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Nick enters the coffee shop and looks around for Ella. He instead sees a woman handing James a big envelope. Claire walks into a coffee shop and sees Nick. Nick asks about Ella. Claire says Nick should call her.24. INT. OFFICE – DAY
James tells Ella he just saw Nick at the coffee shop. Claire tells Ella that Nick is working on a new building.
25. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – AFTERNOON
Ray tells Nick that Julie has been telling everyone they are back together had been seeing Elam throughout the summer.
26. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – AFTERNOON
Ella walks by the site but work has stopped for the day. Ella gets a text from Edgar and they set up a date.
27. INT. NICK’S PARENTS’ HOUSE – NIGHT
Julie keeps texting Nick. He doesn’t respond.
28. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – MORNING
Nick goes to the construction site but signs are posted that say No Trespassing. Nick tells the other workers what’s up.
29. INT. NICK’S PARENTS’ HOUSE – DAY
Nick stands in the kitchen and gets a call from Harold West inviting him to come down to his office for a chat.
30. INT. HAROLD WEST’S OFFICE – AFTERNOON
Nick meets Harold at his office. Harold offers Nick a job and says that Ella gave him his number. Nick accepts the job.31. INT. OFFICE – DAY
Ella gets a text from Edgar and wants to crawl out of her skin. She puts on her coat to go get a coffee.
32. INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Ella gets in line and looks around. She sees Nick all dressed up talking to the blond from the bar. Julie is trying to talk to Nick about getting back together. Nick notices Ella leave the diner. He gets up and chases after her.33. EXT. CITY SIDEWALK – DAY
Nick follows Ella back to the office building. Edgar is waiting for her and hugs her. Nick turns away.34. INT. ELLA’S DESK – LATE AFTERNOON
Claire stops by Ella’s desk and Ella tells her she made a mistake and that she really likes Nick.
35. INT. BAR – NIGHT
Ella and Claire are at the bar. Ella runs into Nick by the bathrooms. They go outside.36. EXT. CITY SIDEWALK – NIGHT
(Ella and Nick talk. Julie comes up to Nick and he tells her they are over. Ella confesses getting Nick fired. Nick forgives her. He thanks her for the job tip. They start over.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Caroline Fritz.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Caroline Fritz.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by
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Caroline’s Scene Ratings
What I learned: I have really pared this down to just the essentials.
Beat Sheet
1. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
(E 10) Nick and his work pals are working on the construction site when Ella walks by. They cat-call her and she responds back.
2. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
(E9) Nick and his work pals are fired because their boss has not paid his taxes.
3. INT. NICK’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
(E8) Nick’s girlfriend kicks him out of their shared apartment, and he must move back in with his parents.
4. INT. EMPLOYMENT OFFICE – DAY
(E5) Nick aces a typing test at an employment office and gets sent on an interview for an executive assistant.
5. INT. OFFICE – DAY
(E10) Nick is hired as an executive assistant at the same office Ella works, but he doesn’t know it. His boss, James, is a ball buster.
6. INT. OFFICE – DAY
(E10) Ella can’t believe her tormenter works in her office. She confronts Nick and he realizes who she is. She vows to make his life miserable.
7. INT. OFFICE – DAY
(E10) Ella is asked by her boss to teach Nick Excel. She grudgingly agrees.
8. INT. BAR – NIGHT
(E6) Ella’s friends from work tell her that they like him. Ella feels betrayed.
9. INT. BAR – NIGHT
(E10) Nick confesses to his narc father that he was unnecessarily mean to Ella when she would walk by his construction site and now he works with her. His dad tells him to apologize. He runs into Ray, his old boss, who tells him that he is getting a crew back together.
10. INT. OFFICE – DAY
(E8) Nick apologizes to Ella ham-handedly but she doesn’t think he is sincere. She decides to sabotage him.
11. INT. OFFICE – DAY
(E9) Nick tries to fit in to the office culture and has some success. He catches on quickly and is clever, impressing Ella. He connects with a customer, Harold West, who owns a building that Nick worked on.
12. INT. OFFICE – DAY
(E10) Nick invites Ella to lunch. She decides to go. Nick defends her from a boor on the street. Ella starts to thaw a bit. Ella’s mother is pressuring her to go out with a family friend. Ella resists.
13. INT. BAR – NIGHT
(E10) Nick, Ella and work friends, Jesse and Claire, go out to a bar after work. They run into Nick’s construction pals. Nick doesn’t take their bait and Ella overhears him defending her. Julie is there and wants to get back together. Nick says no and Ella overhears this. She decides to fix the sabotage.14. INT. OFFICE – DAY
(E10) James goes ballistic when the mistake is discovered; Ella did not have time to fix it. She admits to making the mistake, but Nick takes responsibility and is fired.15. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
(E10) Nick is walking home and sees Ray at a construction site. He stops and gets his old job back.
16. INT. OFFICE – DAY
(E 4) Ella feels terrible about getting Nick fired. James asks her to help him by answering his phone.17. EXT. BAR – NIGHT
(E10) Ella, Jessie and Claire walk to the bar that Nick hangs out at. They see him leaving with Julie. Ella puts on a good face but cries when she walks home.18. INT. ELLA’S HOUSE -NIGHT
(E7) Ella tells her mother she will go out with the family friend.
19. INT. JULIE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
(E10) Julie asks Nick for forgiveness. Nick forgives her.
20. INT. OFFICE – DAY
(E7) OFFSCREEN: Harold West calls and asks about Nick. Ella tells him that Nick was let go. Harold asks for his number and Ella gives it to him. ONSCREEN: Ella goes on a date with Edgar.21. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
(E8) Nick sees another man in a suit talking to Ray. The scene is familiar.
22. INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
(E5) Nick enters the coffee shop and looks around for Ella. He instead sees a woman handing James a big envelope. Claire walks into a coffee shop and sees Nick. Nick asks about Ella. Claire says Nick should call her.23. INT. OFFICE – DAY
(E5) James tells Ella he just saw Nick at the coffee shop. Claire tells Ella that Nick is working on a new building.
24. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – AFTERNOON
(E6) Ray tells Nick that Julie has been telling everyone they are back together had been seeing Elam throughout the summer.
25. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – AFTERNOON
(E5) Ella walks by the site but work has stopped for the day. Ella gets a text from Edgar and they set up a date.
26. INT. NICK’S PARENTS’ HOUSE – NIGHT
(E1) Julie keeps texting Nick. He doesn’t respond.
27. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – MORNING
(E7) Nick goes to the construction site but signs are posted that say No Trespassing. Nick tells the other workers what’s up.
28. INT. NICK’S PARENTS’ HOUSE – DAY
(E1) Nick stands in the kitchen and gets a call from Harold West inviting him to come down to his office for a chat.
29. INT. HAROLD WEST’S OFFICE – AFTERNOON
(E5) Nick meets Harold at his office. Harold offers Nick a job and says that Ella gave him his number. Nick accepts the job.30. INT. OFFICE – DAY
(E5) Ella gets a text from Edgar and wants to crawl out of her skin. She puts on her coat to go get a coffee.
31. INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
(E9) Ella gets in line and looks around. She sees Nick all dressed up talking to the blond from the bar. Julie is trying to talk to Nick about getting back together. Nick notices Ella leave the diner. He gets up and chases after her.32. EXT. CITY SIDEWALK – DAY
(E9) Nick follows Ella back to the office building. Edgar is waiting for her and hugs her. Nick turns away.33. INT. ELLA’S DESK – LATE AFTERNOON
(E9) Claire stops by Ella’s desk and Ella tells her she made a mistake and that she really likes Nick.
34. INT. BAR – NIGHT
(E10) Ella and Claire are at the bar. Ella runs into Nick by the bathrooms. They go outside.35. EXT. CITY SIDEWALK – NIGHT
(E10) Ella and Nick talk. Julie comes up to Nick and he tells her they are over. Ella confesses getting Nick fired. Nick forgives her. He thanks her for the job tip. They start over.
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What I learned: This was a great exercise to really flesh out the stories of each of my characters
1. Protagonist: Nick
2. Antagonist: Ella
3. Connecting Character: James
4. Supporting Character for Protagonist: Sam
5. Supporting Character for Antagonist: Angela
Nick
Beginning: Male Chauvinist
Middle: Trying to make amends
End: Enlightened
Story Beats for Nick
1. Nick catcalls Ella from his construction job
2. Nick is fired and must work at Ella’s firm
3. Shows he is a good person through deeds
4. Takes blame for Ella’s sabotage
5. Fired
6. Finds another office job, comes into his own.
7. Confesses his love for Ella
Ella
Beginning: Angry and prone to sabotage
Middle: Softening up because of good deeds
End: Forgives Nick
Story Beats for Ella
1. Pressured by her mom to date a family friend
2. Upset by being catcalled by Nick
3. Surprised to see him at her office.
4. Plots sabotage
5. Forced to train him
6. Sees he is a good guy
7. Confesses to his boss about her sabotage
8. Sees Nick with his ex-girlfriend
9. Dates the family friend
10. Confesses her love to Nick.
James
Beginning: Hard-nosed and stubborn
Middle: Loses it when his wife asks for a divorce
End: Chastised and willing to compromise
Story Beats for James
1. Fires his secretary
2. Has Nick foisted on him
3. Lee Ann, his wife wants to get a job, he resists
4. Feels like his family is spinning away
5. Asks Ella to train Nick
6. Lee Ann asks for a divorce
7. Faced with his imploding family, he tries to change
8. Ella confesses it was her mistake
9. Tries to hire Nick back but he is working for Harold West
10. Moves out and tries to reconnect with his family
Sam
Beginning: Highly critical of Nick
Middle: Silent but watchful of Nick’s change
End: Open to a new way of seeing the world
Story Beats for Sam
1. Highly critical of Nick’s choices
2. Lets him move home but berates him
3. Berates him when he gets a “girl” job
4. Watches as Nick starts to blossom at his job
5. Is on Nick’s side when he gets fired
6. Proud of Nick when he lands a job as a production manager
Angela
Beginning: Micromanager of her children’s lives
Middle: Confused by her children’s actions
End: Still confused but more accepting
Story Beats for Angela
1. Thinks she knows better than her kids
2. Tries to get her only daughter married off
3. Tries to set Ella up with a friend’s son
4. Nags Ella to call him
5. Happy when Ella goes on a date with him
6. Unsure of Nick but happy he has a job and Ella likes him
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What I learned: It doesn’t take a lot to elevate a character trait.
1. Logline: When a macho construction worker has to take a job as an administrative assistant, he is forced to work with the woman he catcalled.
2. Nick
Role: Male lead
Core Character Traits: Smart, Sensitive
Character Subtext Logline: Insecure, thought he had it all figured out.
Flaw: Prone to anger due to insecurity
Want/Need: Wants to be his own man
Mission/Agenda: To provide for himself (and his girlfriend)
Character Arc (if any): Doesn’t like change but learns to embrace it
World View: What world?
Life Metaphor/Identity: Life is hard, don’t do too much
Secret: Scared of looking dumb
Something they don’t want to admit about themselves: Would like to change but too scared to do it.
What makes this character unique? Not a stereotype despite looking like one.
Improvement: Add his trauma of being the son of narcissists
Ella
Role: Female lead
Core Character Traits: Feminist, unafraid, insecure
Character Subtext Logline: Not afraid to go for it but doesn’t want to alienate her parents.
Flaw: Thinks people are lying to her and doesn’t trust her instincts.
Want/Need: Needs to prove she is competent/needs security
Mission/Agenda: to prove to everyone she is competent
Character Arc (if any): From uncertain to secure and more trusting.
World View: This job is but a pit stop to the next big thing
Life Metaphor/Identity: There is nothing she can’t do, maybe.
Secret: Doesn’t want to end up alone
Something they don’t want to admit about themselves: Doesn’t have any true friends.
What makes this character unique? She’s not just a pretty face and is very tough
Improvement: Work on forgiveness
James
Role: Antagonist
Core Character Traits: Arrogant, insecure
Character Subtext Logline: Is afraid that life passed him by, dying alone, his kids rejecting him.
Flaw: Does not like change
Want/Need: Needs to keep what he has
Mission/Agenda: To show the world he is the boss
Character Arc (if any): From a Don Draper-like dinosaur to somewhat normal
World View: The world is his oyster
Life Metaphor/Identity: He is the alpha male
Secret: Insecure
Something they don’t want to admit about themselves: Needs help from those around him
What makes this character unique? He isn’t a stereotype
Improvement: Threatened by Nick
Sam
Role: Nick’s father
Core Character Traits: No-nonsense
Character Subtext Logline: Can’t understand why a cup of coffee costs $3 today
Flaw: Sees everything through a narrow lens
Want/Need: Wants his children to do well and needs them to continue to visit
Mission/Agenda: Getting his kids into adulthood.
Character Arc (if any): None
World View: The world is a mess, his isn’t
Life Metaphor/Identity
Secret
Something they don’t want to admit about themselves
What makes this character unique?
Improvement: Be a little more flexible
Angela
Role: Ella’s mother
Core Character Traits: Worried all the time
Character Subtext Logline: Won’t be happy until all her children are married with children.
Flaw: Doesn’t want to move forward
Want/Need: Wants to be a good mom
Mission/Agenda: Get her children married off
Character Arc (if any)
World View
Life Metaphor/Identity
Secret
Something they don’t want to admit about themselves
What makes this character unique?
Improvement: Making concessions for the changing world.
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Secretary’s Day
What I learned: That I have to elevate the mechanism that changes Nick in Ella’s eyes. I have added the extra in the beats.
Beat Sheet
Logline: When a macho construction worker has to take a job as an administrative assistant, he is forced to work with the woman he catcalled.
1. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
Nick and his work pals are working on the construction site when Ella walks by. They cat-call her and she responds back.
2. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
Nick and his work pals are fired because their boss has not paid his taxes.
3. INT. NICK’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Nick’s girlfriend kicks him out of their shared apartment, and he must move back in with his parents.
4. INT. EMPLOYMENT OFFICE – DAY
Nick aces a typing test at an employment office and gets sent on an interview for an executive assistant.
5. INT. OFFICE – DAY
Nick is hired as an executive assistant at the same office Ella works, but he doesn’t know it. His boss, James, is a ball buster.
6. INT. OFFICE – DAY
Ella can’t believe her tormenter works in her office. She confronts Nick and he realizes who she is. She vows to make his life miserable.
7. INT. OFFICE – DAY
Ella is asked by her boss to teach Nick Excel. She grudgingly agrees.
8. INT. BAR – NIGHT
Ella’s friends from work tell her that they like him. Ella feels betrayed.
9. INT. BAR – NIGHT
Nick confesses to his narc father that he was unnecessarily mean to Ella when she would walk by his construction site and now he works with her. His dad tells him to apologize. He runs into Ray, his old boss, who tells him that he is getting a crew back together.
10. INT. OFFICE – DAY
Nick apologizes to Ella ham-handedly but she doesn’t think he is sincere. She decides to sabotage him.
11. INT. OFFICE – DAY
Nick tries to fit in to the office culture and has some success. He catches on quickly and is clever, impressing Ella. He connects with a customer, Harold West, who owns a building that Nick worked on.
12. INT. OFFICE – DAY
Nick invites Ella to lunch. She decides to go. Nick defends her from a boor on the street. Ella starts to thaw a bit. Ella’s mother is pressuring her to go out with a family friend. Ella resists.
13. INT. BAR – NIGHT
Nick, Ella and work friends, Jesse and Claire, go out to a bar after work. They run into Nick’s construction pals. Nick doesn’t take their bait and Ella overhears him defending her. Julie is there and wants to get back together. Nick says no and Ella overhears this. She decides to fix the sabotage.14. INT. OFFICE – DAY
James goes ballistic when the mistake is discovered; Ella did not have time to fix it. She admits to making the mistake, but Nick takes responsibility and is fired.15. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
Nick is walking home and sees Ray at a construction site. He stops and gets his old job back.
16. INT. OFFICE – DAY
Ella feels terrible about getting Nick fired. James asks her to help him by answering his phone.17. EXT. BAR – NIGHT
Ella, Jessie and Claire walk to the bar that Nick hangs out at. They see him leaving with Julie. Ella puts on a good face but cries when she walks home.18. INT. ELLA’S HOUSE -NIGHT
Ella tells her mother she will go out with the family friend.
19. INT. JULIE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Julie asks Nick for forgiveness. Nick forgives her.
20. INT. OFFICE – DAY
OFFSCREEN: Harold West calls and asks about Nick. Ella tells him that Nick was let go. Harold asks for his number and Ella gives it to him. ONSCREEN: Ella goes on a date with Edgar.21. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
Nick sees another man in a suit talking to Ray. The scene is familiar.
22. INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Nick enters the coffee shop and looks around for Ella. He instead sees a woman handing James a big envelope. Claire walks into a coffee shop and sees Nick. Nick asks about Ella. Claire says Nick should call her.23. INT. OFFICE – DAY
James tells Ella he just saw Nick at the coffee shop. Claire tells Ella that Nick is working on a new building.
24. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – AFTERNOON
Ray tells Nick that Julie has been telling everyone they are back together had been seeing Elam throughout the summer.
25. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – AFTERNOON
Ella walks by the site but work has stopped for the day. Ella gets a text from Edgar and they set up a date.
26. INT. NICK’S PARENTS’ HOUSE – NIGHT
Julie keeps texting Nick. He doesn’t respond.
27. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – MORNING
Nick goes to the construction site but signs are posted that say No Trespassing. Nick tells the other workers what’s up.
28. INT. NICK’S PARENTS’ HOUSE – DAY
Nick stands in the kitchen and gets a call from Harold West inviting him to come down to his office for a chat.
29. INT. HAROLD WEST’S OFFICE – AFTERNOON
Nick meets Harold at his office. Harold offers Nick a job and says that Ella gave him his number. Nick accepts the job.30. INT. OFFICE – DAY
Ella gets a text from Edgar and wants to crawl out of her skin. She puts on her coat to go get a coffee.
31. INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Ella gets in line and looks around. She sees Nick all dressed up talking to the blond from the bar. Julie is trying to talk to Nick about getting back together. Nick notices Ella leave the diner. He gets up and chases after her.32. EXT. CITY SIDEWALK – DAY
Nick follows Ella back to the office building. Edgar is waiting for her and hugs her. Nick turns away.33. INT. ELLA’S DESK – LATE AFTERNOON
Claire stops by Ella’s desk and Ella tells her she made a mistake and that she really likes Nick.
34. INT. BAR – NIGHT
Ella and Claire are at the bar. Ella runs into Nick by the bathrooms. They go outside.35. EXT. CITY SIDEWALK – NIGHT
Ella and Nick talk. Julie comes up to Nick and he tells her they are over. Ella confesses getting Nick fired. Nick forgives her. He thanks her for the job tip. They start over.
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What I learned: I was able to brainstorm a better and non-cliched second turning point. I feel really good about it now. Thanks!
1. Logline: When a macho construction worker has to take a job as an administrative assistant, he is forced to work with the woman he catcalled.
2. Main Conflict:
Opening: Nick catcalls Emma when she passes the construction site where he works.Inciting Incident: Nick’s construction site is shut down and he loses his job.
By page 10: Nick gets a job as a secretary at the same office Emma works and must make amends for his behavior.
First turning point: Emma is asked by her boss to help Nick learn a program needed for his job.
Midpoint: Emma instead decides to sabotage Nick.
Second turning point: In working with Nick, Emma begins to develop feelings for him.
Crisis: Nick is fired after Emma’s plan works.
Climax: Emma wants to confess her feelings to Nick but she sees him with his ex-girlfriend, she decides to date another man.
Resolution: Nick rejects his ex-girlfriend, confesses his love to Emma, accepts her apology and takes a job as a construction supervisor, in an office.
3. Second turning point: Emma begins to develop feelings for him.
4. The main purpose of this is the point of the whole story.
Brainstorm list: Why does she develop feelings? What happens in the story?
-Emma overhears Nick defending her.
-Nick shares an opinion that goes against what Emma thinks of him.
-Emma overhears Nick praising her intelligence and talent.
-Emma overhears Nick telling off his construction pals and saying he was wrong to catcall.
-Nick takes the blame for the mistake that Emma created to sabotage him.5. Main Conflict:
Opening: Nick catcalls Emma when she passes the construction site where he works.Inciting Incident: Nick’s construction site is shut down and he loses his job.
By page 10: Nick gets a job as a secretary at the same office Emma works and must make amends for his behavior.
First turning point: Emma is asked by her boss to help Nick learn a program needed for his job.
Midpoint: Emma instead decides to sabotage Nick.
Second turning point: Nick takes responsibility for the sabotage that Emma created. Emma realizes she underestimated him.
Crisis: Nick is fired after Emma’s plan works.
Climax: Emma wants to confess her feelings to Nick but she sees him with his ex-girlfriend, she decides to date another man.
Resolution: Nick rejects his ex-girlfriend, confesses his love to Emma, accepts her apology and takes a job as a construction supervisor, in an office.
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What I learned doing this assignment is that the first step is the hardest!
Secretary’s Day
When a macho construction worker has to take a job as an administrative assistant, he is forced to work with the woman he catcalled.
Nick loves his construction job. The money is good, the work is tough and the beautiful women walking by to call out to are plentiful. Besides this great job, he has Julie, his beautiful girlfriend who wants to spend the rest of her life with him. Everything is perfect…
… until the one fateful day when it isn’t. He is told off by the one cute girl who makes him feel guilty about the catcalling, the entire construction crew is laid off because his boss refused to pay his taxes and he’s forced to move back in with his parents when Julie kicks him out of their shared apartment.
On his mother’s suggestion, he visits an employment office and, thanks to his superfast typing skills (his mom made him take typing in high school), he is sent on an interview to a financial firm, thinking he is interviewing for the mailroom. He is instead hired to be the administrative assistant to the firm’s top earner. In an office.
Completely out of his element in a suit and tie, sitting at a desk, and fetching coffee like the secretary he now is, Nick has a further shock: That cute girl who told him off works there. Awkward. Ella is not at all happy to see him and puts into motion a plan of sabotage to rid herself of this male chauvinist pig.
Nick has the grace to apologize to Ella for being a horrible person and proves himself to be a thoughtful, hard worker. But before he can really make amends, he is fired because of Ella’s sabotage. Ella, realizing that she was as closed-minded as Nick was, vows to get him his job back.
But is it too late? Nick’s old boss is back with promises of a raise and Julie is back pledging her devotion and apologizing for her behavior. Can Ella make Nick see that his new life is so much better than his old one?
After getting their signals crossed and letting their imaginations run rampant, Nick and Ella finally get together and take a few tentative steps toward a relationship.
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I, Caroline Fritz, agree to the terms of this release form.
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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Hi-
My name is Caroline and I have written nine scripts.
I want to establish a rewrite process that I can use over and over from this point forward.
I have moved back and forth across the country more times than I can count.
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Caroline Finds the Essence!
What I learned: That there is a combination of subtext, action and dialogue that make up great scenes.
The Searchers
1. Scene 1: End of Opening Credits
Logline: Ethan arrives after a long absence
Essence: Martha is in shock when her long lost love, Ethan, returns to his brother’s home
2. Scene 2: Rustlers have stolen the cows
Logline: The Posse is ready to head out and Martha strokes Ethan’s coat before handing to him, as Clayton pretends he doesn’t notice.Essence: Martha and Ethan are in love even though Martha is married to Aaron, Ethan’s brother
3. Scene 3: The Comanche have been located
Logline: Ethan wants to charge into camp but Clayton says that the girls will be killed
Essence: Ethan wants to kill his nieces because they probably have been raped
4. Scene 4: It snows
Logline: Ethan and Marty try to track Looks but it has snowed and the tracks are gone.
Essence: Ethan and Martin will never find Debbie.5. Scene 5: Ethan and Martin find Debbie
Logline: The U.S. Army defeats the Comanche and Debbie is pursued by Ethan, who saves her
Essence: Ethan has decided to rescue Debbie instead of killing her.