Chuck Czech
Forum Replies Created
-
Chuck Czech’s Act 2 TP – Midpoint
What I learned — I learned the midpoint can be very subtle. Some really great examples were provided in the lesson.
Outline your Key Scene 4: The Midpoint
BEGINNING: Ronan narrowly escapes a trap by the Strangers at the Gibraltar facility.
MIDDLE: Fleeing the facility, Ronan violates every road rule he extolled up to this point — speeding, running red lights, not yielding, staying off the main routes. He cries bitterly, mourning the loss of his friends.
END: Ronan comes out of the incident discontent with being alone. He gets an idea to solve the problem that involves his friends.
Write the Midpoint scene.
INT. GIBRALTAR GARAGE
Ronan pins the accelerator, SCREECHING THE TIRES, fishtailing into the ramp.
INT. RONAN’S CAR – TRAVELING
The cracked windshield shows only smoke. Ronan’s driving blind. The walls of the ramp blur by at a dangerous speed.
EXT. GIBRALTAR/ACCESS RAMP
TWO STRANGERS guard the garage door, which is cracked open and spewing smoke. They react to the increasing ROAR of Ronan’s engine.
KEE-RASH! Ronan’s car SHATTERS the door — flattens one Stranger — tosses the other like the empty mannequin he is.
RONAN’S CAR BLASTS down the road like a rocket.
ON RONAN white knuckling the wheel, tears streaming, face twisted by grief.
The speedometer reads 100 mph. Five of the capsule’s lights are BEEPING.
Ronan checks his mirror — Gibraltar smokes in the distance. A black vehicle glints on the road behind him.
Ronan presses the accelerator harder. 105 mph… 110 mph…
RONAN’S CAR leans into a broad curve, SQUEALING. Then it takes a curve in the other direction.
ON RONAN carefully keeping the car under control. He looks —
The black vehicle can’t be seen.
He blows past a farm truck waiting at a rural intersection.
The road splits. He stays on the main road. 110 mph…
A county road sign flashes by. Ronan hits the brake.
RONAN’S CAR SCREECHES and shimmies as it decelerates — but Ronan manages a left turn onto a county road.
ON RONAN accelerating to 50 mph… 60 mph… A farm tractor blurs by. Slowing, Ronan turns onto a farm road.
RONAN’S CAR bounces over uneven ground. It zooms past a sunflower field — thousands of electric yellow sunbursts — their nine-foot stalks hide the car.
ON RONAN scanning the field. He sees a tractor path. Takes it.
He prowls down the dirt track, scraping weeds. The capsule’s lights are dark.
Ronan stops. Puts the car in park. And cries. A loud, messy, pathetic cry.
FLASHBACK – INT. SUBURBAN PARKWAY/MR CAMBRIDGE’S CAR – DAY
SIXTEEN-YEAR-OLD RONAN is behind the wheel of a long Cadillac, nervously navigating traffic. His father, MR CAMBRIDGE (50s) calmly observes him from the passenger seat.
MR CAMBRIDGE
Don’t look so nervous, Ronan. Remember, it’s all about escape routes. Some people prefer the left lane, but the right lane always offers an escape route. Blending in is better than racing.
FLASHBACK – EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD STREET – DAY
MR CAMBRIDGE stands on a sidewalk observing 16-Year-Old Ronan attempting to parallel park the Cadillac. Ronan straightens the wheels too late and bumps the curb. Mr Cambridge leans into the open passenger window.
MR CAMBRIDGE
It’s just geometry and a little physics. That’s all you need to drive.
16-Year-Old Ronan looks with wonder at the steering wheel in his hands.
END FLASHBACK
INT. RONAN’S CAR/RAILROAD CROSSING – EVENING
Current-day Ronan stares at the steering wheel in his hands. No emotion. A freight train slowly RUMBLES BY… then it’s gone. The stop-arms raise to unveil an empty country road.
Ronan studies the route before him. What will it bring?
EXT. FARM COUNTRY – EVENING
Ronan’s car glides past a melon field being harvested by MIGRANT WORKERS, trailing a veil of dust. The vehicle’s white body is scarred with dents and bullet holes.
INT. RONAN’S CAR – TRAVELING
Ronan stares through the cracked windshield. The radio is silent. He notices Radar dangling from the rearview mirror.
RONAN
Hey, buddy. Almost lost you…
But he doesn’t offer his hand.
INT. CONVENIENCE STORE – NIGHT
Ronan’s at the counter buying his usual stash of snack foods and energy drinks. He pulls his credit card from the scanner — and freezes as a question crosses his mind.
CLERK
Receipt?
A BURLY CLERK holds the slip of paper, which Ronan takes and studies. He checks the clock on the wall then strides outside.
EXT. SMALL TOWN/MAIN STREET – DAWN
The morning sun glints off the cowboy mannequin standing on the roadhouse marquee. This is where it all began.
Ronan waits inside his car parked down the street. He blows on his very first cup of coffee… sips… and winces at the bitterness. He watches…
The ROADHOUSE PROPRIETOR opens the front doors for another day of business.
-
Can’t find the forum for Lesson 14. Anyone have the same experience?
-
Chuck Czech’s Act 2 Reaction to TP 1
What I learned — I like the way each act is dissected into key scenes and each one gets its own outline/script treatment. Seems like a ‘divide and conquer’ approach to screenwriting.
Outline Key Scene 1
BEGINNING: The trio hit the road soon after torching the SUV.
MIDDLE: Brendan tries to assert himself as the new leader, but doesn’t know how the capsule works. Ronan withholds information about the capsule.
END: Paulina negotiates a stand-off, and Brendan drives while Ronan navigates.
Write the “Reaction to the Turning Point” scene
INT. RONAN’S CAR – TRAVELING – NIGHT
Brendan handles the car roughly, punching the accelerator, making sharp turns.
Coming off the gravel, the white car hits the pavement hard — bounces — then SCREECHES as it reaches full speed on the highway.
RONAN: You’re driving it too hard. You’ll blow the engine.
BRENDAN: Leave the driving to me.
RONAN: You guys are wrecking everything. The car’s been shot. Its shocks are probably broken. The undercarriage needs cleaning — it smells in here!
BRENDAN: Get used to that smell, my friend.
The capsule BEEPS and the #1 light activates.
BRENDAN: What’s going on with that capsule?
RONAN: They’re scanning us. Follow this service road.
Brendan passes the intersection without slowing.
RONAN: What are you doing? Turn!
BRENDAN: Sorry but we gotta get a little more distance before playing hide and seek.
Light #2 activates.
BRENDAN: Fix it, Ronan.
Ronan sinks back in his seat and stares out the window, defiantly mute. Light #3 activates.
BRENDAN: Ronan!
Paulina turns in her seat and squarely faces Ronan.
PAULINA: How much time do we have?
Ronan keeps looking at the dark window. Paulina places a hand on his knee.
PAULINA: I know you’re the proper driver of this car, and I’m sorry we forced you into this situation. But now we’re all on this mission together, and we need your guidance.
Ronan sulks a moment. Then he leans forward and snaps the tablet off the dashboard. Light #4 activates.
RONAN: (studying the tablet’s map) Take a right on this gravel road. It’s for ranchers, but it will throw them off.
Brendan gives Paulina an unamused glance, but he complies.
Barely slowing down, the white car careens off the pavement onto a gravel road festooned with barb wire.
BRENDAN: Satisfied?
Light #4 goes dark.
RONAN: (angry; looking out the window) Go 2.1 miles then curve left onto County 171.
Brendan lays on the gas pedal, accelerating to a dangerous speed for this rough road.
Ronan notices Radar clinging to the back of Paulina’s seat. He gently lifts the lizard with a cupped hand and holds him close to his face.
-
Chuck Czech’s Finished Act 1
What I learned — I learned to post material I’m not happy with. My first act outline is rough, far-fetched and received a minimum of wordsmithing.
Act 1
INT. RONAN’S CAR – TRAVELING – NIGHT (Protagonist introduction)
BEGINNING: We meet Ronan driving alone on a desert road at night. He’s got a strange device in the trunk.
MIDDLE: Trying to stay awake, Ronan interacts with the constantly changing radio. When he hears a preacher talk about the end of the world he gets serious. Ronan glances at the device in his rearview mirror.
END: Now sober, Ronan drives away in silence.
INT. RONAN’S CAR – TRAVELING – MORNING
BEGINNING: Ronan is energized as he navigates through moderate traffic.
MIDDLE: Ronan demonstrates a peculiar way of driving by watching the rearview mirror and tapping the cruise control; this allows him to maintain acceptable escape routes and to keep an eye on the capsule. Awkwardly, he narrates his every maneuver through traffic. A tablet mounted on the dashboard tells him to take the next exit.
END: Ronan’s eccentric driving pisses off another driver, who gives Ronan the finger. Ronan smiles and gives him a thumbs up.
EXT. TRAFFIC JAM – DAY
Beginning: Ronan’s car is parked in the left lane of a massive traffic backup caused by a major car crash.
Middle: A tablet mounted on Ronan’s dashboard counts up to 60 minutes, and a warning light on the capsule begins to blink. Concerned, Ronan maneuvers his car to the right lane and then to the right shoulder. As he does so, the capsule lights #2 through #4 light up. Ronan tries to speak with a Flagman, but his awkward speaking skills only frustrate the man. Light #5 flashes and the capsule begins to steam.
END: In full panic, Ronan steers around the Flagman and down an embankment to a side road. As he picks up speed, the capsule’s lights darken one by one.
INT./EXT. RONAN’S CAR (Ronan’s Routine sequence)
BEGINNING: Relieved that the capsule is inert again, Ronan uses the tablet to select a random road trip with no real destination.
MIDDLE: Later in the journey Ronan is anxious over his low fuel level and the need to go to the bathroom. He follows road signs to a convenience store, where he goes to the bathroom, fuels up his car. The clock tells him he has 48 minutes available.
END: Ronan naps until three minutes are left in the countdown and then resumes his random journey.
INT./EXT. RONAN’S CAR/OIL CHANGE GARAGE (Ronan’s Loneliness sequence)
BEGINNING: Ronan is alone again, driving through the night while eating junk food.
MIDDLE: Ronan talks to a lizard he calls Radar. His eye catches a billboard about family vacations and he begins to look lonely. The next morning, Ronan interacts with a friendly mechanic who changes his oil. When the mechanic asks about Ronan’s family, he seizes up.
END: Tongue-tied and frustrated, Ronan takes off, leaving the Mechanic to wonder about him.
INT./EXT. RONAN’S CAR/ROADHOUSE/LABORATORY (Ronan’s Memory sequence)
BEGINNING: Ronan drives into the desert, using the radio-scan trick to stay awake — but it’s not working — he’s fighting sleep.
MIDDLE: FLASHBACK – INT. ROADHOUSE – NIGHT
Ronan has flashbacks to a party at a roadhouse attended by a group of research scientists. From the periphery, he watches an old man, his father, toast the team on an accomplishment.
MIDDLE: FLASHBACK – INT. LABORATORY – NIGHT
The flashback changes to the same group of people lying dead on the floor of a smoking, ruined laboratory. Ronan’s father is among them, as well as Paulina. The capsule seems to be at the heart of the explosion. It starts beeping frenetically.
END: FLASHBACK – INT. LABORATORY – NIGHT
Ronan moves the capsule into the trunk of a project car and exits the underground garage.
INT./EXT. RONAN’S CAR/SMALL TOWN STREET – DAY (Inciting Incident)
Beginning: Ronan wakes up confused in a small desert town. The roadhouse he was dreaming about is just ahead.
Middle: Ronan almost hits a woman in the crosswalk. It’s Paulina — but it’s been established that Paulina had died. A black sedan rear-ends his car and a menacing Stranger gets out and approaches. An SUV plows into the black sedan, narrowly missing the Stranger. Paulina opens the door and urges Ronan to leave. The Stranger gets up from the pavement and approaches.
END: Ronan guns the engine, carrying himself and Paulina to safety.
INT./EXT. RONAN’S CAR – TRAVELING – DAY (Emotional reaction to inciting incident)
BEGINNING: Ronan speeds away from the small town and into the countryside.
MIDDLE: Paulina tries to convince Ronan that she is in fact Paulina, but Ronan is sure he saw her die.
END: Realizing his passenger knows a lot about his journey, Ronan decides to drive to safety.
INT./EXT. RONAN’S CAR – DAY (Paulina tries building a trust relationship)
BEGINNING: Ronan refuses to answer any of Ronan’s queries.
MIDDLE: Ronan’s lizard friend, Radar, takes a shine to Paulina, which breaks the ice with Ronan. As he goes through his driving routines, she gets him to explain his strategies for keeping the capsule from blowing. Ronan accidentally reveals confidential information about Gibraltar — that it was an experiment in probing the multiverse — but Paulina quotes the experiment’s abstract to prove she knows about the project.
END: Ronan is beginning to understand she’s an ally; he’s comfortable with Paulina playing with Radar.
INT./EXT. RONAN’S CAR – EVENING (Ronan falls for Paulina)
BEGINNING: When stocking up supplies at a truck stop, Paulina complains about Ronan’s eating habits; Ronan says he has no choice in the matter.
MIDDLE: Paulina promises to take him out to a proper dinner. Borrowing Ronan’s credit card, she places a takeout order from a restaurant in the next town. Later, Paulina conducts a speedy, but pleasurable picnic. She tries to get Ronan to reveal his ultimate game plan, but Ronan doesn’t provide any clues. With just a few minutes left in the one-hour countdown, they clean up after the picnic.
END: They decide to use a coffee shop’s restrooms, and when Ronan comes back to the car he finds Paulina behind the wheel. While put off by her move, Ronan trusts her, hops into the passenger seat and falls into a deep sleep.
FLASHBACK – GIBRALTAR LAB – NIGHT
PLACEHOLDER: A scene that shows better times at the Gibraltar lab — Ronan’s father leading a team of researchers as they probe different dimensions in the multiverse. They come across a signal sent to them from another dimension — likely another species altogether. Another scene shows the development of the capsule as a means to traverse dimensions to make first contact. Paulina takes Ronan into the corridor and tells him something we can’t make out.
INT./EXT. RONAN’S CAR – TRAVELING – DUSK
BEGINNING: Ronan wakes up and admires Paulina driving. Then he notices she didn’t follow his advice and detects headlights in the distance behind them. He’s afraid they might be discovered.
MIDDLE: Two Strangers in black sedans try running their car off the road. A black SUV appears and defends them — it’s driven by Brendan, Gibraltar’s security chief, who Ronan also remembers to have died. The four vehicles have a dogfight on the country road.
END: Brendan drives one of the vehicles in a ditch. The other drives Ronan and Paulina off the road. As the pair fight over control of the car they plow over one of the Strangers.
EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – DUSK
BEGINNING: Ronan is shocked to see the Stranger’s corpse emit toxic gasses — which indicates its nonhuman origins.
MIDDLE: Brendan arrives and shows Ronan the corpse, which is definitely not human. Ronan is dumfounded over the turn of events. As he and Paulina commiserate, Brendan moves his kit from the SUV into Ronan’s car, and then torches the SUV.
END: Ronan is unable to stop Brendan from occupying the driver’s seat, so he grudgingly hops in back and rides away with them.
-
Chuck Czech’s Turning Point 1 Scenes
What I learned — I found that writing fast is possible if the foundation is first laid. In the spirit of the assignment, my script is pretty rough but it’s 100% further than what I had just a couple days ago.
Act 1 Turning Point (Outline)
INT./EXT. RONAN’S CAR – TRAVELING – DUSK
BEGINNING: Ronan wakes up and admires Paulina driving. Then he notices she didn’t follow his advice and detects headlights in the distance behind them. They encounter Strangers in two cars who pursue them.
MIDDLE: The Strangers try running their car off the road. A black SUV appears and defends them — it’s driven by Brendan. The four vehicles have a dogfight on the country road.
END: Brendan drives one of the vehicles in a ditch. The other drives Ronan and Paulina off the road. As the pair fight over control of the car they plow over one of the Strangers.
EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – DUSK
BEGINNING: Ronan is shocked to see the Stranger’s corpse emit toxic gasses — which indicates its nonhuman origins.
MIDDLE: Brendan arrives and shows Ronan the corpse, which is definitely not human. Ronan is dumfounded over the turn of events. As he and Paulina commiserate, Brendan moves his kit from the SUV into Ronan’s car, and then torches the SUV.
END: Ronan is unable to stop Brendan from occupying the driver’s seat, so he grudgingly hops in back and rides away with them.
Act 1 Turning Point (Write)
INT/EXT – RONAN’S CAR – TRAVELING – DUSK
Ronan blinks awake — looks — Paulina comes into focus, driving attentively.
Ronan soaks her in with his eyes. She’s more than just a long lost friend to him. Then he notices a road sign and bolts upright in his seat.
RONAN: We’re on highway 12. You didn’t take exit 61.
PAULINA: I thought about it. This route strikes me as safer.
RONAN: I took this way last time! They can find us!
PAULINA: Relax. We’re a needle in a haystack.
RONAN (checks windows and mirrors): But we leave a trail. The capsule leaves an energy trace which the Strangers can detect. Last time I was on this road I triggered their sensor. So they could feasibly anticipate our location.
Ronan sees something in the far distance behind them.
RONAN: How long has that truck been following us?
Paulina shoots him a nervous look.
PAULINA: Never noticed. But I don’t think for long.
RONAN: It’d definitely following us.
PAULINA: Of course! He’s in my lane and behind us. There’s no other physical possibility. Now settle down, Ronan, we’re okay.
They crest a slight hill and approach a roadside pull-off, where a black sedan is parked. Ronan bounces in his seat with anxiety.
PAULINA: It’s probably an unmarked sheriff’s vehicle. So don’t look nervous.
With anxiety written all over him, Ronan braces his arms against the dashboard to keep from bouncing. When they pass the sedan, Ronan can’t help but give the worst rubber-neck head-turn.
RONAN’S POV
A man wearing a hoodie watches them pass.
BACK TO SCENE
Ronan now braces his legs against the console, stifling complete panic.
RONAN: Paulina. It’s him. The guy who hit me at the roadhouse. And Paulina? He’s driving a Gibraltar vehicle. I recognize it from the pool.
Paulina stares into the mirror —
— the sedan pulls onto the road behind them.
She presses a button on her phone and guns the engine.
RONAN: What are you doing? Who are you calling?
PAULINA: Hang on, Ronan.
Ronan pushes himself deep into his seat and manically strokes his safety belt.
The black sedan pulls up next to their car. The driver is a silhouette. There’s A FLASH OF GUNFIRE and THE SOUND OF A BULLET hitting their fender.
Paulina hits the brakes, tries to get behind the sedan — but he’s glued to her side. ANOTHER FLASH OF GUNFIRE and a second bullet grazes their windshield.
Paulina swerves — connects with the black sedan — forces him into the oncoming lane. The sedan brakes and swerves to avoid an oncoming semi-truck.
Paulina punches it — puts distance between them and their pursuer. A flashing intersection light lies ahead. Another sedan is waiting for them.
Ronan’s car SCREAMS through the intersection. The second sedan chases after it.
The second sedan quickly closes the gap. It rams the rear bumper of Ronan’s car. Ronan puts his head between his knees.
Paulina brake checks, causing another rear-end collision. The second car swerves to pull up alongside the white car, but Paulina swerves to stay in front.
As Paulina is occupied with the car to their left, the first vehicle races to their side on the right shoulder. Ronan looks —
The Hoodie Driver stares back at him with his dead clay-like face.
Then WHAM! The Hoodie Driver is violently jostled as a black SUV roars up behind him.
Ronan looks — behind the SUV’s wheel is BRENDAN RIDEOUT (36) Gibraltar’s security chief — and one of the dead people from Ronan’s flashback.
Ronan watches Brendan ram the sedan again, this time twisting his wheel — causing the black vehicle to fishtail — its tires catch the edge of the asphalt and is dragged into the ditch.
Brendan struggles to keep control of the SUV. His tires also catches the edge of the asphalt and is dragged away. Now it’s just Ronan’s white sedan and the Stranger’s black sedan.
The silhouetted driver aims his gun — but Paulina veers off the road, gracefully steering onto a flat section of gravel. Now there are no lanes. She plows over little red flags that mark the dimensions of some yet-to-be-built structure. Ronan looks —
The black sedan is following — its headlights shrouded by dust and flying rocks.
Paulina spots a contractors shed — and drives right for it. Ronan braces himself, a panicked look on his face. At the moment before a collision, Paulina twists the wheel — causing the tires to float across loose gravel — and veering the car away from the shed,.
The other driver is not so skilled — he tries the same maneuver, but doesn’t pull out — his car SLAMS broadside against the shed, crushing his car’s passenger’s side and demolishing the wooden building.
Paulina, stone-faced, steers a wide arc across the flat gravel. Ronan realizes she’s looping back to her antagonist.
RONAN: No! Keep going! We can escape!
PAULINA: You didn’t want to be followed.
Paulina fumbles for her purse. Produces a compact .38 handgun. She spots the Stranger emerging from the sedan, then squeezes down on the accelerator.
PAULINA: Sorry, Ronan, but we can’t leave loose ends.
Ronan grabs the wheel, tries to steer away from the sedan, but Paulina pulls back.
The car weaves dangerously on the gravel. The Stranger steps clear of the sedan and raises his pistol — and WHAM! the white car flattens him — and drags his body in the undercarriage for an excruciatingly long distance as they skid to a stop.
Ronan and Paulina catch their breath. Ronan snaps off his safety belt and kneels on his seat, placing his hands on the capsule.
RONAN: Satisfied?
Paulina pulls at Ronan’s shirt.
PAULINA: Out now! We’re in danger.
Ronan doesn’t budge. Paulina leans her body against Ronan’s, wraps her arms around him and presses her mouth against his ear.
PAULINA (pleading whisper): I mean it, Ronan. Come with me. Please.
This shakes Ronan loose. He gives her an astonished glance, then opens his door.
Pistol in hand, Paulina races around the vehicle, grabs Ronan’s arm, and drags him a safe distance away. Ronan looks —
The driver’s body is a dark mass under the car — but it doesn’t look real — like the husk of a man, a scarecrow. Then FWISSSHHH! an enormous plume of vapor shoots out of his rib cage, as if he was a punctured aerosol can.
Their eyes start watering. Ronan coughs violently. Paulina tows him further away.
The white car is engulfed in the vapor.
RONAN: What is that!? Ammonia!?
PAULINA: Something like it! It’s what these guys breathe.
Ronan looks stupefied. A set of headlights bounces toward them. Paulina squeezes his arm protectively and raises her gun… then relaxes as she recognizes the vehicle.
The black SUV stops about twenty feet away. Brendan hops out and hustles toward them.
BRENDAN: You guys okay? Paulina — that’s some bad-ass driving! Nicely done! (fixes his eyes on Ronan)
Hello, Ronan. Long time no-see.
Brendan turns his attention to the corpse, which has stopped steaming, its vapor cleared by the wind. Brendan seizes a metal fencing stake from the shed’s debris.
BRENDAN: I took care of the other one. It could reasonably seen as an accident. But here — Paulina you made a very interesting crime scene.
Brendan places a hand towel over his mouth, crouches down, and jabs the corpse with the stake. After a few good shots, he pushes it clear of the car. He waves to Ronan.
BRENDAN: Ronan, you probably haven’t seen this before. Lookit — man’s first contact with alien life.
Ronan can’t make out what’s on the ground — a mishmash of broken body parts held together by cords of tissue. It’s as if a mannequin had been put through a wood chipper.
Brendan shines his phone flashlight into the Stranger’s open thorax.
BRENDAN: See here? It’s actually pretty cool — human on the outside and god knows what on the inside.
The thorax is not filled with fleshy organs and blood vessels, but a collection of empty compartments formed by a maze of leathery ridges, like the inside of a green pepper.
RONAN: Paulina, I think I’m going to throw up.
BRENDAN: Go ahead — this smell gets to me sometimes too.
Ronan turns away, Paulina following. Brendan embeds the stake’s blade into the jumbled body and tows it toward the SUV. It seems much lighter than a standard corpse.
Holding the towel against his face, Brendon manipulates the alien corpse with the stake, eventually stuffing it onto the passenger seat and slamming the door. Then he pops the rear hatch and removes several travel bags.
ANGLE ON RONAN’S CAR
Brendan places two travel bags, a duffel, and a Pelican case on the ground next to the car. He pops the trunk — and draws in a breath when he sees —
— the capsule, nested in a pile of blankets, its LED lights pulsing.
BRENDAN: Mary mother of God. What the fuck have you been up to, Ronan?
ON RONAN AND PAULINA
Ronan’s slumped over, hands on knees, trying to control his breathing. Paulina stands nearby.
PAULINA: I wanted to talk to you about this, prepare you, but first wanted to gain your trust.
RONAN: What does trust have to do with it? We just killed a man who wasn’t a man. And I’m seeing living people who I saw die. You’ll need more than my trust.
PAULINA: Ronan, for the past three years you’ve been on an unbelievable journey. It’s my belief you saved the world. And you know the extraordinary circumstances surrounding that journey. Think back to what we were working on at Gibraltar. Everything you see here is a result of those experiences.
Ronan stands, controls his breathing.
RONAN: Gibraltar… Gibraltar. We were probing the multiverse.
PAULINA: And we received signals from intelligent life. Those guys you saw back there? They made the signal.
Ronan clasps his hands against his temples.
RONAN: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no —
PAULINA: It’s a lot to take in. But you know this. You were there when we began decoding the signal. (touches his arm for emphasis) It was your dad who made the discovery.
Ronan rolls this around in his mind. Then squeezes his eyes shut.
RONAN: I miss him so much. More than anything. But I saw him, he’s…
(faces Paulina)
Paulina, I saw you dead. Brendan too. Can you explain that, or do you need to keep gaining my trust?
PAULINA (long beat): We don’t have much time.
They turn toward the white car, where Brendan is placing travel bags in the open trunk.
RONAN: Hey!
Ronan stays tight with Brendan, who opens the Pelican case in the trunk, removes a metal can, then crosses to the SUV.
RONAN: This is my car. You don’t have my permission to ride in it. Just because I let Paulina ride — on a temporary basis — doesn’t mean you can move in.
Brendan empties the can’s contents on the corpse inside the SUV. He strikes a lighter.
BRENDAN: Watch it…
He reaches his hand near the window and — WHOOOF! — there’s a brief fireball, and instantly the cab is ablaze.
Brendan hustles back to the car, Ronan on his heels. When Brendan opens the driver’s door, Ronan tries squeezing in, but the bigger Brendan swings in ahead of him.
BRENDAN: Sorry, buddy, I’m your relief. Time for you to take a breather.
RONAN: No. I am the one driver. No one knows the capsule better than me. Paulina, tell him.
PAULINA: We’re losing time. The capsule will start beeping.
RONAN: We have thirty seven minutes.
BRENDAN: Less than three minutes before law enforcement arrives. Or worse — more of these characters. (closes door) Ronan, you’ve done a great job keeping it safe. But now the cavalry has arrived, and I advise you to hop in the break.
Ronan is speechless. His world is spinning.
BRENDAN: I’m not gonna ask again. You either hop in or answer to the police.
Brendan inches the car forward, dialing up Ronan’s anxiety. Finally, Ronan opens the rear door and climbs in.
RONAN: This is my car. I am the one driver.
And they drive off, leaving the blazing SUV behind them.
-
Chuck Czech’s Inciting Incident
What I learned — It’s important to include a scene covering the protagonist’s emotional reaction to the inciting incident.
INCITING INCIDENT (OUTLINE)
INT./EXT. RONAN’S CAR/SMALL TOWN STREET – DAY
Beginning: Ronan wakes up confused in a small desert town. The roadhouse he was dreaming about is just ahead.
Middle: Ronan almost hits a woman in the crosswalk. It’s Paulina — but it’s been established that Paulina had died. A black sedan rear-ends his car and a menacing Stranger gets out and approaches. An SUV plows into the black sedan, narrowly missing the Stranger. Paulina opens the door and urges Ronan to leave. The Stranger gets up from the pavement and approaches.
END: Ronan guns the engine, carrying himself and Paulina to safety.
EMOTIONAL REACTION TO INCITING INCIDENT (OUTLINE)
INT./EXT. RONAN’S CAR – TRAVELING – DAY
BEGINNING: Ronan speeds away from the small town and into the countryside.
MIDDLE: Paulina tries to convince Ronan that she is in fact Paulina, but Ronan is sure he saw her die.
END: Realizing his passenger knows a lot about his journey, Ronan decides to drive to safety.
INCITING INCIDENT (WRITE)
INT./EXT. RONAN’S CAR/SMALL TOWN STREET – DAY
Ronan’s eyes snap open. He shuts off a BUZZING ALARM and looks around. He’s parked on the main street of a small desert town that overlooks an expansive flatland. The edge of civilization.
The roadhouse he saw in his dreams sits at the end of the block, its windows dark.
With his eyes fixed on the roadhouse, Ronan puts the car in gear and —
PAULINA: Hey!
Ronan locks up the brakes as the blur of a person falls to the crosswalk in front of his car. Ronan’s petrified, his face locked in surprise. After a moment a woman’s head peers over the top of the hood. PAULINA (35) the dead woman from his flashback memory.
Both are surprised. Shocked at who they see. Then —
WHAM! A black sedan rear-ends Ronan’s car, jostling him, jostling the capsule. Ronan checks his sideview mirror —
A MAN in black athletic gear and a hoodie emerges from the sedan and moves toward him.
PAULINA: Please, please let me in. You can’t let him touch you.
Paulina is at the passenger window. Ronan looks — the Hoodie Driver is almost to his door.
Suddenly, an oncoming SUV swerves toward the two cars, narrowly missing the Hoodie Driver, and CRASHES into the black sedan.
Ronan is frozen, stupefied. Paulina reaches through the cracked passenger window and opens the door, climbs in.
PAULINA: Ronan! You’re not safe here! You have to go!
Ronan watches the Hoodie Driver climb to his feet, his features dull and brutish as if made of clay.
PAULINA: Go, Ronan, now!
Ronan snaps out of it, stands on the accelerator and launches his car up the street, leaving the Hoodie Man in the middle of the street, gawking.
EMOTIONAL REACTION TO INCITING INCIDENT (WRITE)
INT. RONAN’S CAR – TRAVELING – DAY
The engine GROWLS LOUDER as Ronan races out of town toward the flatlands ahead. He steals incredulous glances at his passenger. PAULINA MERRITT (35) is intelligent, articulate, typically one step ahead of others.
PAULINA: Ronan! It’s me, Paulina.
Ronan just looks at her, not believing his eyes.
PAULINA: I was a physicist on the Gibraltar Project. Remember? You were a lab assistant. You helped me transfer data to the platform.
RONAN: No, no. I saw you dead.
PAULINA: Look — I’m here right in front of you. The last time we saw each other was at that roadhouse three years ago.
RONAN: No! The last time you saw me was at Gibraltar, outside the control room. You said something special to me…
Paulina knows this is a test. She chooses her words carefully.
PAULINA: We saw each other a lot in the hallways.
RONAN (pointing to different parts of her face): Look, there and there. You’re different. You’re not Paulina.
PAULINA: I am Paulina Merritt and we’ve known each other six years — three on the project and three since the explosion.
Ronan averts his eyes, troubled by the memory.
PAULINA: Regardless of what you think, I know you. And I know about Gibraltar. And I know what’s in your trunk.
With that, Ronan fixes his eyes on the road, as if realizing he’s sitting by a hungry tiger.
-
Chuck Czech’s Act 1: Opening Scenes
What I learned — This lesson was helpful in getting words to the page and making progress on the script.
My story begins with several scenes of the protagonist driving across the US, each introducing different aspects of the character and his journey. He’s disconnected from society so we don’t meet any lead characters until the inciting incident. Here are a couple early scenes.
OPENING SCENE – PROTAGONIST (OUTLINE)
INT. RONAN’S CAR – TRAVELING – NIGHT
BEGINNING: We meet Ronan driving alone on a desert road at night. He’s got a strange device in the trunk.
MIDDLE: Trying to stay awake, Ronan interacts with the constantly changing radio. When he hears a preacher talk about the end of the world he gets serious.
END: Now sober, Ronan drives away in silence.
OPENING SCENE – PROTAGONIST 2 (OUTLINE)
EXT. RURAL HIGHWAY/CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
Beginning: Ronan’s car is parked in the left lane of a massive traffic backup in the middle of nowhere.
Middle: A warning light on the capsule begins to blink. Concerned, Ronan maneuvers his car to the right lane and then to the right shoulder. As he does so, lights 2 through 4 light up. Ronan tries to speak with a Flagman, but his awkward speaking skills only frustrate the man. Light 5 flashes and the capsule begins to steam.
END: In full panic, Ronan steers around the Flagman and down a grassy embankment to a side road. As he picks up speed, the capsule’s lights darken one by one.
OPENING SCENE – PROTAGONIST (WRITE)
INT. RONAN’S CAR – TRAVELING – NIGHT
RONAN CAMBRIDGE (26) is at the wheel of a roomy four-door sedan, humming along an empty desert highway. Nothing’s ahead but the headlights on the road and the stars above.
Ronan looks weary, sallow, like he’s been on an endless road trip. But his posture and eye-focus have an autistic precision.
The radio AUTO SCANS from one station to another every five seconds — country music, NPR, pop, weight loss commercial — and Ronan mimics what he hears:
RONAN (singing) And it burns, burns, burns, the ring of fire (fake accent) Next up on the BBC, a report from Namibia (singing) I want to dance with somebody, really feel the heat —
When he comes to a Gospel preacher, he pauses the radio and listens.
RADIO PREACHER (OS): … in the last days of ancient Israel, there were harbingers or signs in the land warning the nation that judgment is coming… for us today, it’s a wake up call to the end of the world…
Ronan, serious now, aims the mirror toward the backseat. There in the dark, in the gap above a folded down seat, lies a gleaming apparatus the size of a beachball poking out of the trunk, its lights pulsing slowly. The capsule.
Ronan shuts off the radio and drives in silence.
OPENING SCENE – <b style=”background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>PROTAGONIST 2 <b style=”background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>(OUTLINE)
EXT. RURAL HIGHWAY/CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
Ronan’s car is stuck in the left lane of a massive traffic backup in the middle of nowhere. Construction vehicles are huddled up ahead. A couple flagmen prowl the shoulders.
Ronan’s halfway through a convenience store burrito. A tablet mounted to the dashboard BEEPS a warning. Concerned, he examines its digital control panel, then looks at the capsule in the back.
One of its six LED lights is flashing.
Ronan scans his surroundings. Nobody’s budging.
Another BEEP and a second LED begins flashing.
Ronan lays the burrito onto the passenger seat and activates his blinker. He squeezes the nose of his car in front of another vehicle, causing its SWEATY DRIVER to throw up his hands.
Cars drift forward, allowing Ronan to complete the lane change. Two more BEEPS and two more LEDs flash. The capsule begins to HUM.
Blinker still on, Ronan maneuvers to the shoulder, where an uptight FLAGMAN confronts him.
FLAGMAN: Hey, buddy, you can’t pass on the shoulder.
Ronan is at a loss for words, which is typical for him under pressure. The Flagman watches Ronan squeeze out garbled syllables.
FLAGMAN: Listen pal, you get back in line or I’ll have the state patrol boot your vehicle.
BEEEEP! The fifth of six LEDs now flashes. A ring on the capsule rotates, letting loose plumes of steam.
Sweating now, Ronan tries to force words out of his mouth but only gibberish emerges. The Flagman speaks into a radio.
FLAGMAN: I’ve got a commuter here who won’t comply with directions. Yep. New Mexico plates…
Ronan glances at the steaming capsule, then to the gradual grassy slope that lies just beyond the Flagman. He goes for it.
Laying on the HORN, Ronan lurches his car forward, causing the Flagman to dance away. He tips the car down the slope and onto the waving grass.
The capsule itself is now giving a warning — a HIGH PITCHED WHINE.
Ronan’s car bounces onto an asphalt side road, its blinker still going.
Ronan leans on the accelerator, picks up speed. He nervously glances between his speedometer and the capsule. After a few moments, the whine ceases. Ronan watches the capsule’s lights turn off one by one. The ring returns to its normal position and the steam stops.
Ronan breathes easier. He looks around, finds the burrito on the floor, takes a bite. Then he turns off the blinker.
-
Chuck Czech’s Beat Sheet Draft 2
What I learned — By forcing yourself to write fast, you can concentrate on the primary character concerns and develop plot points fairly quickly. I don’t think my story is in its best form but it’s complete — much farther along than where I was last week.
THEME: We need to listen to atypical voices because we live in an atypical world.
ACT 1
INT./EXT. RONAN’S CAR – TRAVELING – NIGHT/DAY
Ronan Cambridge drives on a lonely desert road at night, on a seemingly endless solitary journey. He talks back to the radio as if it’s his only companion.
The next morning, Ronan navigates heavy traffic with ease, compulsively talking his way through every turn signal and lane change. When a road rage driver flips him off, Ronan cheerfully gives him a thumbs up.
EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – MORNING
When Ronan’s delayed at a road construction site, a high-tech capsule device in his trunk comes to life, blinking lights and hissing vapor. Panicked, Ronan jumps the curb and drives through a ditch, which causes the capsule to become inert again.
INT./EXT. RONAN’S CAR – TRAVELING – DAY
Ronan continues his solitary journey, stopping for no more than an hour at a time to nap, eat, brush his hair and go again.
When a friendly oil-change mechanic asks him about his family, Ronan clams up.
FLASHBACK – INT. ROADHOUSE – NIGHT
Ronan has flashbacks to a party at a roadhouse attended by a group of research scientists. From the periphery, he watches an old man, his father, toast the team on an accomplishment.
FLASHBACK – INT. LABORATORY – NIGHT
The flashback changes to the same group of people lying dead on the floor of a smoking, ruined laboratory. Ronan’s father is among them, as well as Paulina, who was at the roadhouse. The capsule seems to be at the heart of the explosion.
EXT. ROADHOUSE – DAY
INCITING INCIDENT: Ronan’s eyes open to an alarm. He’s parked by the roadhouse, which is in a small desert town. When he drives away he nearly hits a woman in a crosswalk. It’s Paulina. But it’s not. Ronan knows she died.
He’s rear-ended by an aggressive driver — a Stranger — and then an SUV plows into the Stranger’s car. Alarmed, Ronan allows the ersatz Paulina to ride away with him.
INT./EXT. RONAN’S CAR – TRAVELING – DAY
The woman tries to convince Ronan that she’s Paulina, but is not 100% convincing. She wants to talk about the capsule in the trunk, which Ronan refuses to discuss.
PLACEHOLDER: There should be a couple scenes in which Ronan explains his eccentric life to Paulina.
Ronan adapts to having a companion, eventually allowing Paulina to drive so he can have a proper sleep.
FLASHBACK – LABORATORY – DAY
Ronan dreams of the laboratory, where the entire research team is focused on a communications console where they detect signs of alien life.
EXT. REMOTE HIGHWAY – DAY
Ronan is awakened when Two Strangers try to run them off the road. But Brendan arrives in his SUV and fights them off. Paulina accidentally flattens one of the Strangers under the car.
Ronan recognizes Brendan as being one of the dead people at the lab. As he tugs the Stranger’s body from under the car, Ronan sees that the body of the Stranger is not human, but an engineered organism that looks human. Its body releases toxic gasses.
Brendan torches the SUV and hops in the car. Despite Ronan’s protests, Brendan says he’s now in charge of the capsule and drives away.
Act 2
INT./EXT. RONAN’S CAR – TRAVELING – DAY
Brendan breaks the news — he and Paulina have been waiting for three years to find Ronan. He reveals they’re not the people Ronan knows — they’re from an alternate version of Earth that had been conquered by a hostile species — the very same species that’s trying to destroy this version of Earth by introducing a deadly invasive organism through the capsule device.
PLACEHOLDER: Set ground rules for the capsule — Brendan describes it as a kind of bomb that’ll release a monstrous organism. How is it controlled? Why will it open after an hour in one place?
Brendan insists they return to the abandoned lab to figure out a way to shut the capsule down; Ronan thinks this is a mistake since it would make the capsule too vulnerable.
EXT. TRAFFIC STOP – DAY
Brendan tries to negotiate his way out of a traffic ticket, but Ronan shows the police his ID and they’re released.
INT./EXT. RONAN’S CAR – TRAVELING – DAY
As they drive away, the capsule begins to wake up; Ronan instructs Brendan to take a random exit, which shuts down the device.
INT. RUINED LAB – NIGHT
They arrive at the abandoned lab in mountains. They find the chamber where Paulina and Brendan came to this Earth from the multiverse. They also find evidence that other entities followed — Brendan and Paulina probably led the Strangers to this Earth.
They’re able to review records downloaded from the alternate Earth where Paulina and Brendan came from. A video shows the monstrous organism consuming the Earth — it’s the Strangers’ way of infecting and ultimately terraforming the planet to their habitat.
A group of Strangers find them and nearly capture them, but Ronan escapes alone in the car, leaving Paulina and Brendan on their own.
PLACEHOLDER: How do Paulina and Brendan escape?
Act 3
EXT. ROADHOUSE – DAY
Understanding that continuing on his journey alone is pointless, Ronan waits for Paulina and Brendan near the roadhouse, careful not to let the capsule become activated.
FLASHBACK: Ronan remembers being with his father the day the project was approved — they met with an Entrepreneur at the headquarters of a successful tech organization.
FLASHBACK: Ronan remembers his dad giving him driving lessons on the drive through the city.
Paulina and Brendan show up at the roadhouse, and Ronan drives them all away.
INT./EXT. RONAN’S CAR – TRAVELING – DAY
Ronan proposes a new plan — that they return to the project headquarters to get access codes to reprogram the capsule device and destroy whatever’s inside — the only catch is that HQ is in the heart of a big city.
EXT. GAS STATION – DAY
While fueling up, some local thugs hijack the car.
Brendan steals someone else’s car and they give chase.
INT. CHOP SHOP – DAY
They follow the thieves to a chop shop, where they find the capsule has opened.
A ball of energy surrounds the capsule and the monstrous organism begins to emerge, dissolving the thieves upon touch. Ronan dives into the ball of energy and shuts down the energy ball, causing the organism to return to the capsule. He is burned on his arm where the organism touches him.
They immediately take off, knowing the Strangers will be hot on their heels. Paulina treats Ronan’s wound.
EXT. CITY – DAY
Brendan drives them through a congested city where their slow place threatens to activate the capsule. Ronan coaches Brendan to drive randomly to keep the capsule subdued.
EXT. HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Ronan has to enter the headquarters and is forced to trust Brendan with the capsule.
INT. HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Ronan and Paulina meet with the only Technician left at the headquarters — who also happens to be autistic. The Technician tells them that when the lab blew up, the project was abandoned and the Entrepreneur retreated to his fortified compound to wait for the apocalypse. The Technician has been ordered to remain behind and monitor Ronan’s journey (and occasionally pay his credit card expenses).
INT./EXT. RONAN’S CAR – TRAVELING – DAY
Brendan picks up Ronan, Paulina and the Technician and speeds off.
The Technician examines the capsule and begins reprogramming it. He says the capsule is really a transportation device meant to convey objects through dimensions. He starts programming it to send the organism to another dimension, but Ronan believes that wouldn’t stop the invasion, just toss it into someone else’s lap.
The capsule suddenly overheats and electrocutes the Technician. Whatever he was doing, it allowed the Strangers to take control.
The Strangers have set up a trap within the maze of a warehouse district. Brendan does his best to evade them but ends up flipping the car. The Strangers take the capsule.
Act 4
EXT. WAREHOUSE DISTRICT – NIGHT
Ronan wakes up next to Brendan in the demolished car. The capsule is gone. Paulina runs up and says she’s followed the Strangers.
INT. WAREHOUSE – NIGHT
The Strangers are ready to activate the capsule and release the monster. A ball of energy forms around the capsule.
Brendan disrupts the situation by driving a forklift into the Strangers’ ranks.
In the struggle, Ronan fights Brendan to take control of the capsule — Brendan wants to send it to another dimension while Ronan wants to try to close the gateway.
Ronan gains control but is too late — the capsule disappears into another dimension, taking Ronan with it.
Paulina is stunned, while Brendan drags her away.
Inside the ball of energy, Ronan meets his double from another dimension and together, they steer the capsule back to where it originally came from and send it away to explode.
Resolution
Years later, Paulina is alone outside the roadhouse in the small desert town, regretting the outcome at the warehouse. Ronan walks up. She says it’s been years since she last saw him and he says it’s taken that long to find his way back to this version of the Earth where he belongs. She notices the scar on his arm and invites him to join her in the roadhouse.
-
Chuck Czech’s High Speed Beat Sheet
What I learned — write fast or die in quicksand. I’m committed to use these High Speed Writing Rules to get my script done at record speed.
ACT 1
INT./EXT. RONAN’S CAR – TRAVELING – NIGHT/DAY
Ronan Cambridge drives on a lonely desert road at night, the radio keeping him awake. He seems to be on a solitary endless journey.
The next morning, Ronan navigates heavy traffic with ease, compulsively talking his way through every turn signal and lane change. A road rage driver flips him off; Ronan cheerfully gives him a thumbs up.
EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – MORNING
When Ronan’s delayed at a road construction site, a high tech capsule in his trunk comes to life, blinking lights and hissing vapor. Only when Ronan jumps the curb and drives through a ditch does the capsule become inert again.
INT./EXT. RONAN’S CAR – TRAVELING – DAY
Ronan continues his solitary journey, stopping for no more than an hour. During one stop he’s able to nap, eat, brush his hair and go again. At another stop he gets his oil changed by a friendly mechanic, who apparently services the vehicle every 3500 miles.
FLASHBACK – INT. LABORATORY – NIGHT
Ronan has flashbacks to when he placed the capsule in his trunk — in a smoking, ruined laboratory. Dead people are scattered on the floor — a scientific research team — including Paulina, a woman he likes, and an old man, his father.
EXT. SMALL TOWN – DAY
INCITING INCIDENT: Ronan visits a small town he seems familiar with (How do we know this? Why is this town important? Is it a meeting place for the research team? A pick up point for his father?)
TE 1: Ronan nearly hits a woman in a crosswalk. It’s Paulina. But it’s not. Ronan knows she died. He’s rear-ended by an aggressive driver — a Stranger — and then an SUV plows into the Stranger’s car. Alarmed, Ronan allows the ersatz Paulina to ride away with him.
INT./EXT. RONAN’S CAR – TRAVELING – DAY
The woman tries to convince Ronan that she’s Paulina, but is not 100% convincing. She wants to talk about the capsule in the trunk, which Ronan refuses to discuss.
Ronan adapts to having a companion, eventually allowing Paulina to drive so he can have a proper sleep.
FLASHBACK – LABORATORY – DAY
Ronan dreams of the laboratory, where he was a lab assistant and his father was chief scientist. Paulina is among the staff.
EXT. REMOTE ROAD – DAY
Two Strangers try to run Ronan off the road, but Brendan arrives in his SUV and fights them off. Ronan sees that the body of a Stranger is not human, but an engineered organism that looks human.
Act 2
INT./EXT. RONAN’S CAR – TRAVELING – DAY
TE 2: Despite Ronan’s protests, Brendan abandons the SUV and hops in the car. He drives away with Ronan, Paulina and the capsule. Ronan doesn’t want Brendan aboard and becomes defensive, feisty.
Brendan breaks the news — he and Paulina are not the people Ronan knows — they’re from an alternate version of Earth that had been conquered by a hostile species — the very same species that’s trying to destroy this version of Earth by introducing a deadly invasive organism through the capsule device.
PLACEHOLDER: Set ground rules for the capsule — it’s a kind of bomb that’ll release a monstrous organism.
EXT. TRAFFIC STOP – DAY
TE 3: When Brendan’s inexperience allows the capsule to partially wake up, Ronan proves himself adept at driving stealthily and taking care of the capsule.
PLACEHOLDER: What kind of situations can Ronan excel in — Talking his way out of a ticket? Taking a random exit to keep the capsule quiet?
INT./EXT. RONAN’S CAR – TRAVELING – DAY
Brendan insists they return to the abandoned lab to figure out a way to shut the capsule down; Ronan thinks this is a mistake because hostile parties would make this the prime place to look for them.
INT. RUINED LAB – NIGHT
They discover the lab and find the chamber where Paulina and Brendan came to this Earth. They also find evidence that other entities followed.
They’re able to review records downloaded from the alternate Earth from which Paulina and Brendan escaped — they watch a video that shows the destructive capabilities of the organism.
A group of Strangers find them and nearly capture them, but Ronan escapes alone in the car, leaving Paulina and Brendan on their own.
PLACEHOLDER: How do Paulina and Brendan escape?
Act 3
EXT. SMALL TOWN – DAY
TE 4: Understanding his solitary journey is pointless, waits for Paulina and Brendan at the small town.
FLASHBACK Ronan remembers being with his father the day the project was approved as a private venture — it happened at a headquarters of a private organization.
Paulina and Brendan arrive and Ronan drives them all away.
INT./EXT. RONAN’S CAR – TRAVELING – DAY
Ronan proposes a new plan — that they return to the project headquarters to get access codes to reprogram the capsule device to destroy whatever’s inside — the only catch is it’s in the heart of a big city.
EXT. CITY – DAY
Ronan drives them to a congested city where their slow place threatens to activate the capsule. Ronan has to enter the headquarters and is forced to trust Brendan with the capsule.
INT. NEW LAB – NIGHT
TE 5: PLACEHOLDER: Ronan implements the new plan involving new people and a new laboratory.
Act 4
INT. NEW LAB – NIGHT
Against Ronan’s protests, Brendan tries leading the new team — but fails.
TE 6: Ronan fights Brendan to prevent him from saving his own skin and jumping over to a different version of Earth in the multiverse, thus destroying this world.
Ronan prevails, and Earth survives. (Needs work (-: )
Resolution
TE 7: Ronan is confident enough to go out on his own and invite Paulina to join him.
-
Chuck Czech’s Transformational Events
What I learned — the story is the main character’s transformation.
Concept: An autistic lab assistant barely escapes a catastrophic laboratory accident — but he can’t stop driving away or the alien monster he helped conjure will escape from his trunk and consume the world.
Old Ways: Isolated and lonely; dependent and deferential; awkward and outcast
New Ways: Integrated and social; independent and influential; awkward and accepted
Act 1
1. Ronan is isolated and lonely, driving endlessly.<div>
2. Not having the will to resist, Ronan takes Paulina, a woman he distrusts, on the journey with him.
Act 2
3. Brendan takes control of the car and the capsule, causing Ronan to become defensive. </div><div>
4. Brendan’s inexperience with the capsule prompts Ronan to assert himself as an adept driver and caretaker.
5. When ambushed by Strangers, Ronan escapes on his own, ditching Paulina and Brendan and preserving the capsule.
Act 3
6. Knowing a solitary journey is pointless, contacts Paulina and Brendan.</div><div>
7. Back together, Ronan devises a new plan that involves starting a new team.
Act 4
8. Against Ronan’s protests, Brendan tries leading the new team — but fails.</div><div>
9. Ronan fights Brendan to prevent him from saving his own skin and ruining everything.
Resolution
10. Ronan is confident enough to go out on his own and invite Paulina to join him.
</div> -
ASSIGNMENT
Chuck Czech’s 4 Act Transformational Structure
What I learned — Writing fast is tough when you’re involved in world building; but by focusing on the protagonist’s arc helps generate new ideas.
Concept
An autistic lab assistant barely escapes a catastrophic laboratory accident — but he can’t stop driving away or the alien monster he helped conjure will escape from his trunk and consume the world.
Main Conflict
An alien species wants to conquer all the Earths in the multiverse, one after another, by infecting them with a powerful, all-consuming organism.
Old Ways
Isolated and lonely
Dependent and deferential
Awkward and outcast
New Ways
Integrated and social
Independent and influential
Awkward and accepted
Act 1:
Opening We meet Ronan as he drives endlessly across the roads of America. If he stops for more than an hour, the high tech capsule in his trunk will open and unleash the deadly organism. He has no plan beyond just driving.
Through flashbacks, we learn the organism was sent by a hostile species from another dimension (the Strangers) who want to conquer the various versions of the Earth in the multiverse. A team of scientists resisted this plan, but it resulted in a major explosion that killed them all.
Ronan foiled the plan, not by heroics, but by simply driving the capsule out of the reach of the Strangers’ inter-dimensional influence.
Inciting Incident Ronan encounters a woman, Paulina, who says she knows him, but Ronan’s sure Paulina died in the explosion. Because he’s lonely, he takes her on the journey. Turning Point Ronan and Paulina are chased by a Stranger in a car but are rescued by Brendan, another person Ronan is sure died in the explosion. All three take off together in Ronan’s car.
Act 2:
New Plan Reluctantly, Ronan yields to Brendan, who proposes a plan to return to the destroyed laboratory site to see if they can destroy the capsule and close the doors between dimensions. Plan in Action When Brendan has difficulty traveling without calling attention to themselves, Ronan guides them through their journey using his proven driving techniques.
Ronan comes to realize that Paulina and Brendan are not the two people he knows, but their doubles from another version of Earth that was conquered by the Strangers.
Midpoint Turning Point When they arrive at the ruins of the lab, they come to realize that when Paulina and Brendan made the leap one version of the Earth to Ronan’s Earth, they brought a handful of Strangers with them.
The Strangers ambush them, and Ronan escapes alone in the car.
Act 3:
Rethink Everything Ronan could continue driving as he had before — alone and directionless— but decides to contact Paulina and Brendan, knowing his old plan is pointless and he needs extra help. New Plan Ronan proposes a means to reverse the polarity of the capsule and send the organism back the way it came from.
This requires recruiting another lab and research team, whom Ronan knows through connections with his late father.
Turning Point: Huge Failure / Major Shift The new team cannot reverse the capsule. The Strangers’ arrive and disrupt the plan — they steal the car and the capsule.
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate Expression of the Conflict Ronan, Paulina and Brendan make one final attempt to recapture the capsule, but it slips through their fingers.
Brendan, thinking all hope is lost, tries to take control of the capsule in an attempt to save his skin and jump to another version of Earth.
Ronan struggles with Brendan, takes control of the capsule, reverses the polarity and kills the organism in the resulting conflagration.
Resolution As the authorities begin cleaning up the mess and shutting down the project, Ronan quietly drives away. He asks Paulina if she’d join him on another random journey, and she says yes.
-
Chuck Czech’s Character Interviews
What I learned — This was a very fun and productive exercise. I was surprised how much material came from the interview.
PROTAGONIST
Please tell me about yourself.
My name is Roman Cambridge, I’m 26 years old, and I’m a laboratory assistant on the Gibraltar project. My father Ronan Cambridge Senior started the Gibraltar project and hired me. I had many duties within the lab facility, mostly dealing with digital platform management, but when the explosion happened I was the only one left.
Why do you think you were called to this journey? Why you?
I was called to this journey because I was the only survivor of the explosion. That’s all there is to it. There was nobody else to move the capsule but me. I knew the Strangers were trying to open the capsule by remote control, so it needed to be relocated. Short moves don’t count. And there needs to be long intervals between stops. I’ve been moving the asset now for 945 days. I don’t think anyone else can do this task like me. I love cars, I love driving, and I don’t mind being alone.
You are up against Brendan. What is it about him that makes his journey even more difficult for you?
I am not competing against Brendan because he wants to solve the problem just like me. But I know he does not like me. He does not think I am good enough to handle this problem. What’s funny is that Brendan thinks everyone likes him, but that’s not true. They all act friendly, but they know Brendan does not tell the whole truth. So that might make it more difficult for me.
In order to survive or accomplish this, you are going to have to step way outside of your box. What changes do you expect to make and which of them will be the most difficult?
I have already made some very difficult decisions, and I’m very proud of the way I’ve been handling things. I don’t know what you mean by ‘step way outside my box’. I suppose it’s something that’s not typical for me. Nothing is typical for me. I concentrate on every task like it was new.
What habits or ways of thinking do you think will be the most difficult to let go off?
I have to think about that. My father once said, “when I was a child, I spoke as a child, I thought like a child, but when I became fully grown I put the ways of childhood behind me.” I suppose that means I have to grow up be able to live on my own. Which I’ve been doing for the past 945 day, so I think I’m doing okay.
What fears, insecurities, and want to hold you back?
At one time I was afraid of being alone. But now I’m alone all the time, so I think I’m good there. I also didn’t think I was good enough to have a wife or girlfriend. Well… I made some very difficult decisions so maybe now I’m good enough. It’s really helpful that I found Paulina.
What skills, background, or expertise makes you well-suited to face this conflict or antagonist?
I’m very patient, and I pay attention to details. I’ve always been like that, even before the explosion. I love driving, and driving keeps the world safe.
What are you hiding from the other characters? Why don’t you want them to know?
Don’t tell anyone, but I have a friend who travels with me. He is a striped whiptail lizard who jumped in my car in the petrified forest. His name is Radar. Only I know about Radar. Someday I’ll show him to Paulina but for now he is my secret.
What do you think of Brendan?
You already asked me that question. (I asked what is it about Brendan that makes this journey more difficult.) Okay. I was happy when Brendan and Paulina found me. I was alone for a long time. Brendan makes decisions very quickly, even if they’re not good. He always wants to be doing something so he never really thinks. I like him, but I don’t know if anyone else does.
Tell me your side of this whole conflict/story.
I was in the Cold Room when the alarms went off. I could hear the ground rumble underneath my feet, so something bad happened in the laboratory. When I went there, everything was on fire. I saw many dead people. Joy, Travis, Ivan, Helena, Brandon. And then I saw my dad. He was not alive.
(long beat; edit to later in the interview)
I could tell the capsule was still active because its lights were flashing and its ducts were venting smoke. When the lights stopped flashing, I thought it was bad because six solid lights means a remote control lock. The Strangers were trying to open the capsule from their dimension. So I moved the capsule. And then I moved it again. And then I put it into my dad’s car and drove away. The Strangers will not be able to find me if I keep the car moving.
What does it do for your life if you succeed here?
If I do not succeed, I will not be living. Everyone will die. You will die. But if I succeed, then I’ll have a future.
Are you happy?
Happy? I’m not sure. What do you mean by happy? I’m satisfied now, but was very sad when I saw my dad’s dead body. But I knew he would worry about me, so I did all that I could to make sure he would be proud of me.
ANTAGONIST
Please tell me about yourself.
What do you want to know? (Just a thumbnail of who you are so our readers can understand where you’re coming from.) Certainly, but want to make clear that my responses are for this class only, right? That’s what we discussed and it needs to be on record. (Of course.) All right, then I’m chief security officer for the Gibraltar project. My background is a combination of military, public sector and private sector operations. I proven successful in all my posts. I was mostly interested in Gibraltar because so little was know about it.
Having to do with this journey, what are your strengths and weaknesses? A standard interview question. Strengths? I’m willing to take ultimate responsibility – anything that happens within my post is on me. Which puts the onus on me to place tight controls over every project. Weaknesses? What kind of question is that? Come on…
Why are you committed to making the protagonist fail? Now that’s a loaded question. Of course I’m not interested in making Ronan fail but in making the operation a success. Ronan’s done a fantastic job with what he’s got – limited information and limited ability to analyze problems. If I commit to anything it’s the preservation of life on earth and success of the mission. And that’s enough.
What do you get out of winning this fight or succeeding in your plan or taking down your competition? As I stated, my singular goal is the preservation of life on earth. I’ve seen one version of Earth fall and it’s not going to happen again. It might sound funny, but I’m very satisfied that I’m the man who’s been put into this position. I’m 110% confident in my abilities to render a successful outcome. Again, this is not about bringing Ronan down, but about solving a near impossible problem.
What drives you toward your mission or agenda, even in the face of danger, ruin, or death?
Preservation of life on earth – how many times do I have to say it? It’s the greatest assignment of all time. I’m honored to be at the right place at the right time — well, I had to jump the multiverse to be here. And God help us all if I fail. (You mentioned you saw the fall of Earth in another dimension — doesn’t that constitute a failure.) Let’s move on.
What secrets must you keep to succeed? What other secrets do you keep out of fear or insecurity?
You should know that as security specialist would never reveal fears or insecurities. Only a fool would not have fear in my situation but it’s not what drives me. Secrets? I don’t know how to respond to that. I do my job to the best of my abilities utilizing any resource on hand, and then I go home at the end of the day knowing that I’ve done my part.
Compared to other people like you, what makes you special?
I’m not special. I’m not better than any of my peers – and that says a lot because I’ve faced stiff competition in every phase of my career. If you want an answer that question, just look at my résumé. And know that I’ve had many wash excesses that are not publicly locked.
What do you think of Ronan?
He’s a good kid, and I admire his dedication. Nobody I know would have taken it upon himself to do what he did — what, drive three years straight to keep the asset hidden? He’s the wild card in this Earth. He made the salient difference. But he’s far surpassed his talents. Time to toss the hot potato to someone else.
Tell me your side of this whole conflict or story. How much detail are you looking for? I enacted more than adequate safeguards for the execution of the Gibraltar experiment. But when research personnel decided to proceed outside the project parameters, the game was changed — I wasn’t able to administer appropriate security upgrades. This led us to be tricked, then compromised. That’s what happens when you stray from the prescribed path. And it led to the downfall of Earth. Well, my Earth. There’s no way in hell that I’m going to let that happen again. I’m going to take control of the situation, assemble a team, set up a new strategy, and send the damned thing back to where it came from.
-
Chuck Czech’s Character Profile Part 2
What I learned — I’m slowly adapting to writing more quickly and not wordsmithing every entry.
RONAN CAMBRIDGE — ANTAGONIST
What draws us to this character? Ronan is an innocent human caught in a cold and hostile world. Being autistic, he doesn’t sync well with others, so he’s been perpetually isolated, a true underdog throughout his life as well as within this story. He’s kind — he swerves to avoid animals on the road and cultivates a bond with a tiny lizard. Also, Ronan is dedicated to doing the right thing and sticking with it — nothing can steer him from his objective once his sights are set.
Traits: Intelligent, gentle, unswerving, awkward, kind, lonely
Subtext: Ronan understands more than others think he does; people tend to write him off as “less than” but in truth Ronan is often a couple steps ahead of them.
Flaw: Ronan finds it difficult to interact with others; sometimes he’s too direct or too literal for comfortable conversation. Unless people become more open to atypical thinkers, Ronan will fail to garner respect and will be doomed to outsider status.
Values: Ronan doesn’t swerve a millimeter from his assigned task, whether it’s organizing the lab’s backup files or preventing a dangerous organism from escaping. Also, he practices pure honesty — lies and innuendo are considered betrayals.
Irony: Though Ronan has difficulty expressing himself in social situations, he has an uncanny ability to read people’s true intentions; it is impossible to lie or wear a mask without him detecting it.
What makes this the right character for this role? Ronan is the only person who can keep the monster at bay — who else could drive a car constantly for three years? He possesses unswerving dedication to a task, precise attention to detail, and a familiarity with isolation and loneliness.
BRENDAN RIDEOUT – ANTAGONIST
What draws us to this character? Brendan gets things done. When he appears, there’s a noticeable sense of progress injected into the story — which is in sharp contrast to Ronan’s endless wanderings. He’s fit, smart and attractive, someone who instantly conveys confidence.
Traits. Quick thinking, confident, charming, athletic, adept fighter
Subtext: Though he comes off as approachable and affable, Brendan is more or less cold and efficient at heart. He is always trying to perceive threats and doesn’t have a problem manipulating people into achieving his goals.
Flaw: He is overconfident and unaware of his shortcomings and blind spots.
Values: Control, efficiency, effectiveness, order; hates loose ends and open wounds
Irony: Brendan is charming but cold at heart; Ronan is awkward but feels deeply for others. Brendan prides himself as being an effective decision maker; Ronan’s atypical thinking leads to complex, comprehensive plans of action.
What makes this the right character for this role? If anyone’s going to emancipate Ronan from his perpetual road trip, it’s Brendan. He breaks down barriers, disrupts routine, and forces others to try new plans of action.
-
Chuck Czech’s Character Profiles Part 1
What I learned — You can cover a lot of creative ground by starting simply and defining the basics of your main characters; these decisions have already shaped the story. Also, I was pleased to see that under this framework, the Science Fiction genre doesn’t necessarily have to have an embodied Antagonist.
Protagonist Role
Ronan Cambridge (20s) is a Runner and Fighter. He escapes a devastating lab explosion with a deadly organism in his car’s trunk; he can’t let the organism escape, so he drives endlessly, quietly keeping the world safe; in the end he uses his knowledge of the organism to defeat it.
Antagonist Role
Brendan Rideout (30s) is an Authority figure who oversaw the security of the failed multiverse experiment; he tracks down Ronan on his endless journey and tries to take over the caretaking of the organism; competes with Ronan over how to handle the problem.
Supporting characters:
Paulina Merritt (30s) is on the team of scientists probing the multiverse; with Brendan, she tracks down Ronan and tries to formulate a plan; recipient of Ronan’s admiration.
Dr Cambridge, Sr (60s) — Main character’s father; dies during the lab explosion; kept the main character under his wing throughout his life.
Minor roles:
Mechanic — friendly mechanic who changes Ronan’s oil every 3500 miles; Ronan’s only consistent human contact
State Trooper — pulls over Ronan, which is a threat to the one-hour limit of being stationary
Background characters:
Research Team — group of scientists trying to penetrate the borders of the multiverse; they perish in the lab explosion.
Genre
Sci-Fi
Lead Character Profile: Ronan Cambridge
Role in the story:
Hero/runner — autistic lab assistant with limited social abilities; after the lab catastrophe, his straightforward interpretation of a solution is to simply drive away and not stop; he didn’t imagine an endgame.
Age range and Description
Male, 20s, appears lean and haggard since he spends most of his time behind the wheel; he does his best with limited opportunities to keep himself properly groomed. His life on the road is punctuated with one-hour stops that allow him to eat, wash, buy clothes, sleep, etc.
Internal Journey
Ronan starts in a state of rejection and isolation; he learns to function within a group, and eventually takes on a leadership role.
External Journey
For three years, Ronan is trapped with the responsibility of keeping the monster at bay; as the story unfolds, he becomes part of a team, and he eventually takes charge to kill the organism
Motivation
Preserve the world
Wound
Was assaulted as a child causing his father to be overprotective in raising him.
Mission/Agenda
Ronan’s first and only instinct is to run away; by keeping the organism in constant motion (apart from his periodic one-hour stops) he’s able to keep it from destroying the world — an epic agenda, although it means he’s trapped on an endless road trip.
Secret
He has a companion on his journey — a small lizard who joined him while in the desert.
What makes them special?
He’s unnaturally dedicated to carrying out a plan. Also, he’s astute at reading emotions; no one can mask their true self.
-
Chuck Czech’s Transformational Journey
What I Learned: It’s important to clearly define story parameters – in this case character transformation – early in the creative process. Also, from the video on concept analysis I learned that when you have a complicated concept you have to return to the seed of the idea to convey it to the reader.
Who is the Hero: Ronan Cambridge (20s) is autistic and has been driving US highways for three years straight, never stopping more than an hour. If he stops too long, the device in his trunk will open the doorway to another dimension and release a monstrous all-consuming organism that can destroy the Earth in a matter of days. Ronan is the only survivor of a failed research project, led by his father, that sought to explore the multiverse.
Internal Journey: Throughout his life, Ronan has been dependent on his father and has not fit in with groups; in this story, he learns to function within a group and ultimately assert himself as leader.
External Journey: At the beginning of the story, Ronan is cursed to driving without end, alone and without direction; over time he’s able to assemble a team, orient them on the predicament, challenge them, and ultimately lead them to a solution.
Old Ways:
Isolated and lonely
Dependent and deferential
Awkward and outcast
New Ways:
Integrated and social
Independent and influential
Awkward and accepted
-
Chuck Czech — I agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
-
Hello, everyone — I’m Chuck Czech and I’ve written four feature scripts along with about a dozen short scripts (one in production). From this class, I hope to develop a fifth feature script and acquire a method to keep myself productive. Me? I’m just an ordinary guy from middle America working hard to keep the world from succumbing to destruction and chaos.
-
Chuck Czech’s Outline Version 2
In this version of the outline, I was more clear on which character was doing which action, and I included a bit more detail to better spell out character relationships and motivations. I would like to know if there are parts of the story that are confusing, boring or taken in a questionable direction. Does it realistically flow from one act to another? Does it tell a cohesive and meaningful story?
Title: The World Between
Logline: A rookie detective saddled with decades of cold cases partners with a young psychic to stop an invisible demon that’s committed more than 100 years of murders.
PROLOGUE
1. EXT. MINNESOTA PRAIRIE/GERMAN SETTLEMENT/CHURCH – DAY
At an 1845 German Catholic settlement, a group of churchgoers conduct a prayer procession meant to expel evil from the land. A trio of bored teenage girls break off from the group.
2. EXT. MINNESOTA PRAIRIE/TALL GRASS MAZE – DAY
The girls are stalked and killed by a STRANGER amid a maze of tall prairie grass.
HORROR SITUATION: The girls’ mischief places them outside the safety of their village — they’re on their own.
• APPREHENSION: One of the girls, GERTRUDE, is separated from the others and grows anxious looking for them.
• SCARE: While searching, Gertrude steps on a snake, startling her.
• RELEASE: Gertrude runs right into the arms of the others, who are experimenting with smoking.
• CREEPY MOMENT: The wind dies and birds stop singing as the Stranger approaches.
• TERROR: The Stranger strangles one of the girls, then stalks the other two through the tall grass.
• MONSTER REVEAL: At the moment he kills each victim, the Stranger reveals a demonic face and then sucks out their life with a horrid kiss.
ACT 1
3. EXT. RURAL HOME – DAY
Painfully shy BECCA WEAKS (9) tries pulling her sister JAIMIE’s toys from a trash pit. Their nasty MOTHER, who had thrown away the toys, threatens Becca for doing so.
Later, an abusive NEIGHBOR (12) tries to take advantage of Becca, but she uses the ability to disappear into an alternate dimension to hide from him — she can see him but he can’t see her.
4. EXT. ARCHEOLOGICAL DIG – DAY
BECCA (19) is now an anthropology student who’s participating in an archeological dig of an old trading post, led by professor GLENN GEISSLER (50s).
When her classmates pressure her to ask out a guy, she hides in the alternate dimension. There, she discovers a child’s ID tag hidden underground.
5. EXT. KAY’S SUV — DAY
KAY LUND (35) drives her two kids to school. She’s trying to diplomatically shield the kids from an abusive ex-husband. She’s also an investigator at the Sheriff’s Department.
Late for work, Kay uses her portable emergency lights to cut in front of other moms dropping off their kids at school.
6. INT. SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT/FILE STORAGE ROOM — DAY
Fellow investigator CAM DRURY (28) follows Kay to a store room where Kay is set up to investigate cold cases. He’s got a crush on her and kids her for not being on the frontlines of police work.
Cam hands Kay the bagged ID, saying that when she was late she missed Dr Geissler. Kay examines the ID and suggests there’s a pattern to the history of missing persons in this part of the state. Cam doesn’t buy it.
7. EXT. ARCHEOLOGICAL DIG SITE — DAY
Kay and Cam rope off the place where Becca found the ID. They want to interview Becca, but Becca pleads with her classmates to drive her away, wanting to avoid all attention.
Kay stays late at the site looking for more evidence, but is unsuccessful.
8. UNIVERSITY CLASSROOM/CAMPUS GROUNDS/STUDENT UNION — DAY
Kay finds Becca on campus and drills her about how she discovered the ID tag. With some coaxing, Becca reveals that she has the ability to disappear into an alternate dimension where hidden things are more easily found. Kay is skeptical and demands a demonstration.
9. EXT. ARCHEOLOGICAL DIG SITE — DAY
At the now-deserted dig site, Becca demonstrates her ability to disappear into the alternate dimension. While there, she discovers a child’s buried remains.
HORROR SITUATION: Becca’s never revealed her secret to anyone and now, goaded into exploring the alternate dimension, she makes a gruesome discovery.
• APPREHENSION: The alternate dimension had been Becca’s sanctuary, now she’s uncomfortable exploring its darker recesses.
• CREEPY MOMENT: Becca follows a trail of footprints that are hidden from the real world.
• SHOCK: Becca finds the body of a girl who went missing 30 years ago; in the alternate dimension the corpse appears intact and ghastly.
• ANGUISH: Kay hears Becca screaming but can’t easily find her.
• SHOCK: Becca specifies a place for Kay to dig and she unearths the girl’s skeleton.
10. EXT. ARCHEOLOGICAL DIG SITE — LATER
As law enforcement and news media pore over the location, Kay’s supervisor, LIEUTENANT SORENSON (50s), questions her about how they discovered the body. She lies and says they got lucky. She also tells him that Becca, a civilian, was present because she was interested in an internship.
11. INT. KAY’S SUV — MOVING — DAY
As Kay drives Becca home, she invites her to help with cold cases. Becca turns her down. Kay notices Becca dropping her pocketbook but doesn’t tell her.
12. INT. SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT — DAY
At a department meeting, the identity of the skeleton is identified — Anita Harms, who went missing 30 years ago. Her pediatrician was accused of murdering her but was never convicted.
13. INT. ST. LUKE’S MENTAL INSTITUTION — DAY
Kay and Cam interview former pediatrician DR MARVIN LEMECH, who lives in a Catholic mental institution. Though he had been implicated in the disappearances of several girls 30 years ago, he says he’s not responsible. He cautions Kay to be careful — the case of the missing girls has cursed him, and she might be dragged into something she can’t handle.
14. INT. UNIVERSITY CLASSROOM — DAY
Kay presents internship papers to Dr Geissler. He explains to Kay that Becca’s abilities are in line with what many cultures believe — that our reality is adjacent to a spirit world. He signs the papers, but warns Kay to be careful.
15. INT. SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT/FILE STORAGE ROOM — DAY
Becca visits Kay at the Sheriff’s Department to retrieve her pocketbook. Kay shows her the map of missing persons and describes the unusual history of these crimes — three missing persons every 30 years. Because the victims are the young and innocent, Becca takes an interest and eventually signs the internship papers.
ACT 2
16. INT. FACTORY— DAY
While operating machinery, a MACHINIST (30s) exhibits paranoid behavior towards his co-workers.
17. INT. MACHINIST’S HOME — NIGHT
During a rough night of drug experimentation, the Machinist becomes possessed by a DEMON.
HORROR SITUATION: The Machinist can’t tell the difference between drug hallucinations and actual spiritual activity.
• FEAR: At first the Machinist is amused by the drug’s psychedelic effects, but grows fearful when he witnesses demonic activity — strange voices, moving objects, violent porn playing over and over.
• SHOCK: The Machinist comes face to face with the Demon.
• DREAD: The Machinist is helpless as the Demon descends on him and possesses him.
• MONSTER REVEAL: We briefly see the Demon’s actual spiritual form and what a possession really looks like.
18. EXT. CRIME SCENE #1/TRUCK STOP — DAY
Kay and Becca investigate a 30-year-old crime scene but can’t find any clues on the missing girls. Becca reveals that sinful activity leaves scars on the landscape of the alternate dimension, so hidden details of crimes can more easily be detected there. She finds plenty of scars at the truck stop but nothing related to a girl.
19. EXT. CRIME SCENE #2/RIVERSIDE PARK — DAY
Kay develops a way to communicate with Becca in the alternate dimension using high frequency transceivers. Becca discovers misshapen footprints but is at a loss for words when describing them to Kay.
20. INT. FACTORY – DAY
The Machinist’s behavior is more extreme and insubordinate. He gets revenge on a co-worker who’s been harassing him.
21. INT. KAY’S DUPLEX – EVENING
Becca joins Kay for a home-cooked dinner with her two kids TY and TRUDIE and her protective neighbor CHERYL.
In her home gym, Kay teaches Becca how to throw punches. They share their common experiences surviving abuse — Kay fights and Becca hides. Becca also reveals that her sister Jaimie died at a young age due to neglect.
Kay’s ex-husband MITCH (40s) shows up, so Ty and Trudie take Becca to their bedroom. Becca listens through the paper-thin walls how Kay is able to stand up to Mitch.
22. EXT. QUARRY – NIGHT
The Machinist watches a group of young people cliff diving in a quarry and kidnaps one of them.
HORROR SITUATION: The young people are unaware that they’re being stalked and that one of them is being targeted.
• ANXIETY: The young people dare each other to take dangerous dives into the water.
• SUSPENSE: After one of them delays his return to the surface, LEYA (18) wonders what exists below.
• RELEASE: Leya takes the plunge and is relieved and proud that it goes well.
• SURPRISE: On her hike back to the summit, Leya is captured by the Machinist.
23. INT. SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT — DAY
When Sorenson announces Leya’s disappearance, Kay expresses her concern that the 30-year cycle is beginning again. Sorenson rejects the idea — he assigns the case to Cam and orders Kay to stick with her current caseload.
24. INT. FILE STORAGE ROOM – DAY
Kay adds a new pin into her map and realizes it matches the location of a kidnapping decades ago. Based on that, she calculates the next location to investigate — an out-of-the-way roadhouse, which happens to be in a different county.
25. INT. ROADHOUSE — NIGHT
Kay and Becca explore the busy roadhouse. While in the alternate dimension, Becca encounters the Demon, in possession of the Machinist, as it selects its next victim.
HORROR SITUATION: Becca’s exploration of the alternate dimension reveals it to be far more complex and dangerous than she’s previously experienced.
• CREEPY MOMENT: When in the alternate dimension, Becca sees many scars on the landscape representing years of bad behavior. She also perceives spectral beings feeding off the roadhouse patrons’ warmth and breath. It’s a kind of feeding ground.
• MONSTER REVEAL: Becca sees the Demon clinging to the Machinist like a parasite; it ignores her, apparently not recognizing her as a threat.
• SUSPENSE: Becca watches the Demon browse the crowd for potential victims — who will it select?
• PANIC: When the Demon targets an introverted young woman, EVE (20s), Becca decides to intervene and shoves the Demon.
• MONSTER REVEAL: Contact between human and demon in the spirit world is painful to both.
• TERROR: The Demon detaches from the Machinist and chases Becca. Kay tries to question the Machinist, but he attacks her.
• MONSTER REVEAL: The Demon can link and unlink from an individual, but it takes a bit of time.
• HYSTERIA: The Machinist is confronted by roadhouse patrons, so the Demon returns and uses demonic powers to overwhelm them.
Blind to the Demon, Eve and her boyfriend KEV (20s) escape through a back door.
26. EXT. CUL-DE-SAC — NIGHT
KEV drives Eve to a lonely cul-de-sac; they’re followed by the Machinist.
HORROR SITUATION: Kev confronts the Machinist unaware that he’s out of his league.
• APPREHENSION: Kev is an abuser and threatens Eve for interacting with the Machinist at the roadhouse. Just then, the Machinist arrives.
• SHOCK: Kev confronts the Machinist but is brutally killed — the Demon levitates him and breaks his back.
• DREAD: Eve has nowhere to go as the Machinist turns his attention to her and opens his mouth for a life-sucking kiss.
27. INT. ROADHOUSE — NIGHT
Having escaped the attacks by the Demon and Machinist, Becca and Kay decide to look for Eve, whom they saw depart with Kev during the melee.
28. EXT. KAY’S SUV/CUL-DE-SAC — NIGHT
During their search, Becca complains about pain in her hand that touched the Demon. She gets a feeling the Demon is nearby and directs Kay to drive into the dark cul-de-sac. They discover Kev’s twisted body, but no Eve.
29. EXT. CUL-DE-SAC — LATER
The site has been roped off as a crime scene by local law enforcement. Becca watches Kay interact with the local sheriff, looking a little less sure of herself.
Cam arrives and inserts himself into the situation. He warns Kay that putting herself and a civilian in jeopardy is no way to run an investigation. She retorts that she’s in the frontlines now.
30. INT. SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT/SORENSON’S OFFICE — DAY
Sorenson is peeved that his least experienced investigator and an intern were involved in an altercation and murder in another county. He dissolves Becca’s internship and reassigns Kay to desk duty.
Exiting the meeting, Kay tries to make plans with Becca, but Becca says the suspension of the internship might be for the best. She declines a ride home, saying she has plans of her own.
31. EXT. CHURCH GRAVEYARD — NIGHT
In a remote graveyard, the possessed Machinist buries Eve’s body and covers the grave with a stone scratched with runes, as if he wants to make sure she stays put.
32. INT. FILE STORAGE ROOM – NIGHT
Kay adds another pin to her map but this time can’t predict where the next kidnapping will occur. She phones the mental institution.
33. INT. ST. LUKE’S MENTAL INSTITUTION — NIGHT
Kay meets with Lemech, who agrees to talk under one condition — that he’s never removed from the mental institution. Kay says if he genuinely helps, she’d back up his insanity claim and work to keep him there.
Lemech explains that 30 years ago he was involved in Anita’s death, which opened the door to possession. The Demon compelled him to kill three girls, and since then he’s been living in this religious building as protection from the Demon’s return.
Lemech says the perpetrator of the 30-year crimes has been an ancient Demon bound to this region. Settlers tried driving it from the land, so it retaliated by taking innocent victims from each generation of their descendants. This solidified its hold over the region and propagated endemic sin.
Kay wants to know where the Demon is taking the victims, but Lemech refuses to say more until Kay takes concrete steps to keep him in the institution.
34. INT. SHERIFF’S OFFICE — DAY
Kay pleads with Sorenson to prevent Lemech from being removed from the mental institution, saying he’s ready to help with cold cases. But Sorenson says they’re too late — a deputy is on his way to pick up Lemech for his arraignment on Anita’s murder.
35. INT. DEPUTY’S VEHICLE — DAY
Lemech, handcuffed and clutching a rosary, nervously rides away from the mental institution. He sees spectral figures hiding in the shadows outside the vehicle.
36. INT. COUNTY JAIL — DAY
As Lemech is admitted into jail he’s forced to relinquish his rosary. The Demon watches while perched on the ceiling.
Kay tries to talk to Lemech before he’s locked in a cell. Knowing he’s vulnerable, he asks Kay to arrange for a priest to take his confession in exchange for more information. Kay agrees and insists he’ll be safe inside a jail.
A brusque JAILER cuts their conversation short, and the only information Lemech can convey is the word “Bern”.
37. INT. UNIVERSITY CLASSROOM — DAY
Kay consults with Dr. Geissler, who’s reluctant to help after learning of the recent disappearances. Kay pressures him, and the only thing the professor can think of is a 19th century pioneer settlement called Bern, now a lost ghost town.
38. INT. INTERCUT COFFEE SHOP & COUNTY JAIL — NIGHT
Intercutting between Lemech’s cell and a coffee shop where Becca is on a first date, we witness the Demon possess the Jailer, who then kills Lemech, which in turn triggers a hysterical reaction by Becca.
HORROR SITUATION: Because she touched the Demon at the roadhouse, Becca is now sensitive to its murderous activity.
• DREAD: Believing he’s doomed, Lemech goes through with his confession to a PRIEST.
• SURPRISE: The Demon now possesses the Jailer.
• MONSTER REVEAL: The Demon can commandeer any hate-filled person as its pawn.
• SHOCK: The Jailer brutally kills Lemech
• HYSTERIA: Sensing Lemech’s execution, Becca goes into hysterics, which freaks out her date and everyone else in the coffee shop.
39. INT. COUNTY JAIL — NIGHT
Kay arrives to find Lemech’s corpse. She surreptitiously picks up his rosary from the Jailer’s office.
40. INT. LIBRARY — NIGHT
Kay tears through old maps to find Bern’s location and transposes it as best she can to her GPS. She phones Becca, who’s devastated from her tragic date. They both agree to root out the evil that’s been plaguing the region.
41. EXT. BERN — DAY
The coordinates lead Kay and Becca to a remote part of the state where they eventually discover the ruins of an old church — the one from the prologue. While in the alternate dimension, Becca discovers scores of victims buried beneath slabs of granite.
HORROR SITUATION: Becca and Kay explore hostile territory and make a shocking discovery.
• ANXIETY: Becca senses they’re on to something big and is nervous about searching the grounds.
• SHOCK: Becca is confronted with dozens of buried bodies, which in her vision are all preserved in a cadaverous state.
• REVEAL: Becca, psychically connected to the Demon, understands its overarching intent — it take three victims, one for every day Christ was in the tomb, and buries them so they could never rise again. It’s a mockery of God.
• DREAD: They find the fresh graves of Leya and Eve next to an open grave — there’s still one more murder in this cycle.
42. EXT. COUNTRY ROADS/GRAIN ELEVATOR — NIGHT
Since her coordinates weren’t precise, Kay arranges to meet local law enforcement at a distant intersection. While on their way, Kay and Becca are run off the road by the Machinist.
HORROR SITUATION: The Demon turns the tables — it now pursues Kay and Becca, rather than the other way around.
• APPREHENSION: Kay and Becca are on edge because they know they’ve just penetrated the Demon’s secret hideout.
• SURPRISE: The Machinist runs Kay off the road, damaging her SUV, which comes to a stop at an abandoned grain elevator.
• SUSPENSE: The Machinist circles their disabled vehicle, revealing he has the THIRD VICTIM with him, then parks out of sight behind the elevator.
• REVEAL: It appears the Demon is making this personal.
• SHOCK: When Kay tries to confront the Machinist, he uses demonic power to trap her in an underground grain pit.
• TERROR: The Machinist chases Becca, forcing her to escape into the alternate dimension — where the Demon chases her — so she escapes back to the real world — right into the hands of the Machinist.
• HYSTERIA: The Machinist assaults Becca before Kay escapes the pit and chases him off with her gun.
• CREEPY MOMENT: As local law enforcement arrive, they catch a glimpse of the Machinist levitating into the air and out of sight.
43. INT. HOSPITAL/EMERGENCY — NIGHT
Local police bring Becca to an emergency room. Kay’s barred from joining her.
44. INT. HOSPITAL/PATIENT ROOM — DAY
Kay tries to visit Becca the next day, but Becca isn’t receiving visitors. Kay notices a female police officer enter her room, a sign their relationship is over.
ACT 3
45. EXT. BERN — DAY
Several agencies, including the FBI, are involved in the exhumation of the Demon’s victims. It’s a complicated operation with the overwhelmed Kay at the center.
46. INT. SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT/INTERROGATION ROOM — DAY
TWO FBI AGENTS quiz Kay on how she found the bodies. She tells them the truth — Becca is psychic. Questioning Kay’s state of mind, Sorenson orders Kay to work with him to file a report and then take some time off.
Cam’s had it with Kay and castigates her for endangering Becca.
47. INT. FACTORY/MACHINIST’S APARTMENT/ROADHOUSE — DAY
Cam is seen working with FBI agents trying to track the Machinist.
48. INT. BECCA’S CHILDHOOD HOME — DAY
Kay drops in on Becca, who’s presently living miles away with her abusive mother, now an invalid. Becca says she’s free from the Demon’s reach way out here. She admits defeat — sometimes evil can’t be stopped and we need to learn to live with it.
49. INT. KAY’S HOME — DAY
Given that perspective, Kay goes home and gives love to her two kids.
50. INT. BECCA’S CHILDHOOD HOME — DAY
While going through her old bedroom, Becca discovers Jaimie’s toys from ten years earlier — and then she momentarily sees Jaimie (6) watching from the hallway. Astounded, Becca tries the alternate dimension one more time.
While there, she thinks she sees Jaimie — but her mind is hijacked by thoughts of the Demon. Her psychic connection tells her that the Demon’s next intended victim is Kay’s daughter Trudie.
Becca can’t reach Kay on the phone, so she calls Cam to tell him the third victim was never buried — the killer’s after one more and she fears it’s Trudie. Cam doesn’t believe her but promises to check on Kay.
Though she doesn’t know how to drive, Becca commandeers her mom’s pickup and heads toward Kay.
51. EXT. KAY’S HOME — NIGHT
Cam stakes out Kay’s duplex, making sure she’s safe, but falls prey to the Machinist.
HORROR SITUATION: Cam thinks he has everything under control but is caught off guard.
• APPREHENSION: While watching Kay’s home, Cam notices someone else doing the same — Mitch. Cam shines a flashlight on him, chasing him away.
• SHOCK: The Machinist appears out of nowhere and kills Cam.
52. INT. KAY’S HOME — NIGHT
The Demon invades Kay’s home to kill Trudie. Kay and Trudie survive one close call after another but ultimately find themselves at the mercy of the Demon.
HORROR SITUATION: Kay is mano a mano with the Machinist/Demon and has to use all of her survivor skills and instincts to fend him/it off.
• SHOCK: The Machinist tricks Trudie into unlocking the front door by flashing Cam’s disembodied head through the peephole.
• FEAR: The Machinist stands between Kay and her pistol, meaning she has to defend her family without a weapon.
• REVEAL: The Machinist allows Ty to escape through a window, signaling that the Demon is solely focused on Trudie.
• DREAD: Using demonic power, the Machinist slams shut all the doors and windows and pops all the light bulbs, effectively trapping Kay and Trudie inside.
• PANIC: When burning popcorn sets off the duplex’s sprinklers, Kay uses the moment of confusion to retreat with Trudie into the bedroom.
• TERROR: Kay barricades the bedroom door; the Machinist begins beating it down.
• SUSPENSE: Kay kicks a hole in the wall as an escape route — will they make it to Cheryl’s side of the duplex before the Machinist breaks into the room?
• RELEASE: Trudie squeezes through the hole and into Cheryl’s arms on her side of the duplex.
• ANGUISH: The Machinist immediately stops its attack and leaves for Cheryl’s duplex. Kay grabs her pistol and Lemech’s rosary.
• HYSTERIA: Kay hears scream inside Cheryl’s home but is unable to penetrate the front door — the Machinist has it sealed from the inside. Powerless, Kay is on the verge of hysteria.
• RELEASE: Kay discovers that if she wraps the rosary around her hand she can weaken the Demon’s power and open the door.
• PANIC: Kay stumbles in to find the Machinist levitating Cheryl, about to kill her. Kay shoots the Machinist, who drops Cheryl but is not impaired by the bullets.
• DREAD: The Machinist turns to focus on Kay, revealing a demonic visage.
• SHOCK: Kay shoots the Machinist in the face, but being possessed he keeps going.
• TERROR: Using demonic power, the Machinist smashes Kay into the ceiling several times, causing her to drop the pistol and the rosary.
• DREAD: The Machinist spins toward Trudie and is about to kill her.
• RELEASE: Becca appears at the door. She picks up the rosary and disappears into the alternate dimension.
• PANIC: Though it causes intense pain, Becca attacks the Demon and wraps the rosary around its throat. The Demon releases the Machinist from its grip and falls to the ground, stunned.
• TERROR: Kay comes to her senses and fires a death shot through the Machinist’s heart.
• RELEASE: Becca reappears in the real world, mortally wounded. After saying her goodbyes, she dies.
• APPREHENSION: As Kay, Trudie and Cheryl mourn Becca’s passing, they hear someone coming up the sidewalk and through the front door — it’s Mitch, leading Ty by the hand.
• SHOCK: Mitch suddenly grabs Ty and threatens to kill him; his face takes on an evil countenance.
• REVEAL: The Demon has possessed Mitch.
• SUSPENSE: Kay wants to shoot Mitch but can’t for fear of injuring Ty.
• RELEASE: Mitch suddenly drops Ty and writhes in pain.
• MONSTER REVEAL: In the alternate dimension, Becca’s spirit has resurrected and is bearing down on the the Demon. It’s powerless against her rosary-powered blows, and she punishes it to an inch of its life. The Demon flees out of the alternate dimension.
• RELEASE: In the real world, Mitch drops unconscious; Kay rolls him out the door and locks it. She gathers her family and Cheryl together and remarks that Becca was the one victim who resurrected. To affirm this, her radio crackles with Becca’s voice.
53. NEWS REPORTS
A montage of news reports describe the numerous funerals following the recovery of the long-lost bodies.
54. EXT. CEMETERY – DAY
The Priest presides over a small memorial service for Becca — including Kay, her children, Cheryl, Sorenson and some of Becca’s classmates. Kay remarks that Becca hasn’t really died and will always watch over them.
56. EXT. MEADOW – DAY
We glimpse a brief shot of Becca playing with young Jaimie in a heavenly meadow.
-
Anyone advancing to round 2? Would like to trade notes.
— Chuck Czech
-
This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by Chuck Czech.
-
This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by
-
Chuck Czech’s Outline Version 1
Title: The World Between
Logline: A rookie detective partners with a young psychic to stop an invisible demon that’s committed more than 100 years of murders.
PROLOGUE
1. EXT. MINNESOTA PRAIRIE/GERMAN SETTLEMENT/CHURCH – DAY
At an 1845 German Catholic settlement, a group of churchgoers conduct a prayer procession meant to expel evil from the land. A trio of bored teenage girls break off from the group.
2. EXT. MINNESOTA PRAIRIE/TALL GRASS MAZE – DAY
The girls are stalked and killed by a STRANGER amid a maze of tall prairie grass.
HORROR SITUATION: The girls’ mischief places them outside the safety of their village — they’re on their own.
APPREHENSION: One of the girls, GERTRUDE, is separated from the others and grows anxious looking for them.
SCARE: While searching, Gertrude steps on a snake, startling her.
RELEASE: Gertrude runs right into the arms of the others, who are experimenting with smoking.
CREEPY MOMENT: The wind dies and birds stop singing as the Stranger approaches.
TERROR: The Stranger strangles one of the girls, then stalks the other two among a maze of tall grass.
MONSTER REVEAL: At the moment he kills a victim, the Stranger reveals a demonic face.
ACT 1
3. EXT. RURAL HOME – DAY
The painfully shy BECCA WEAKS (10) is harshly treated by her mother when trying to protect her younger sister.
Later, an abusive COUSIN (13) tries to take advantage of Becca, but she uses the ability to disappear into an alternate dimension to hide from him — she can see him but he can’t see her.
4. EXT. ARCHEOLOGICAL DIG – DAY
BECCA (19) is now an anthropology student and participates in an archeological dig of an old trading post led by professor GLENN GEISSLER. When her classmates pressure her to ask out a guy, she is compelled to hide in the alternate dimension. There, she discovers a child’s ID tag hidden underground.
5. EXT. KAY’S SUV — DAY
KAY LUND drives her two kids to school. It’s established that she’s divorced and trying to shield the kids from an abusive ex-husband. She’s also an investigator at the Sheriff’s Department and late for work.
6. INT. SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT/FILE STORAGE ROOM — DAY
Fellow investigator CAM DRURY tells Kay she just missed Dr. Geissler who dropped off the ID. Kay’s been assigned to investigate cold cases and takes an interest in the ID. She suggests to Cam there’s a pattern to the history of missing persons in this part of the state but he doesn’t buy it.
7. EXT. ARCHEOLOGICAL DIG SITE — DAY
Kay and Cam show up at the dig site looking for more information, but Becca avoids them.
Kay stays at the site to look for any other clues without success.
8. UNIVERSITY CLASSROOM/CAMPUS GROUNDS/STUDENT UNION — DAY
Kay finds Becca on campus and drills her about how she discovered the ID tag. Becca reveals that she has the ability to disappear into an alternate dimension where hidden things are more easily found, but Kay is skeptical and demands a demonstration.
9. EXT. ARCHEOLOGICAL DIG SITE — DAY
At the now-deserted dig site, Becca demonstrates her ability to disappear into the alternate dimension. While there, she discovers a child’s buried remains.
HORROR SITUATION: Becca explores unfamiliar areas in the alternate dimension and discovers a child’s remains.
APPREHENSION: This is the first time Becca has really explored the alternate dimension; she typically uses it to hide.
CREEPY MOMENT: Becca follows a trail of footprints which are hidden in the real world.
SHOCK: Becca finds the body of a girl who went missing 30 years ago; in the alternate dimension the corpse still looks intact.
ANGUISH: Kay hears Becca screaming but can’t easily find her.
SHOCK: Becca specifies a place for Kay to dig and she unearths the girl’s skeleton.
10. EXT. ARCHEOLOGICAL DIG SITE — LATER
As law enforcement and news media pore over the location, Kay lies to her supervisor, LIEUTENANT SORENSON, about how they discovered the body; she also tells him that Becca was present because she was interested in an internship.
11. INT. KAY’S SUV — MOVING — DAY
As Kay drives Becca home, she invites the student to help with cold cases, but Becca turns her down. During the drive, Kay notices Becca dropping her pocketbook but doesn’t tell her.
12. INT. SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT — DAY
At an incident debriefing, the identity of the skeleton is identified — Anita Harms, who went missing 30 years ago. Her pediatrician was accused of murdering her but was never convicted.
13. INT. MENTAL INSTITUTION — DAY
Kay and Cam interview former pediatrician DR MARVIN LEMECH, who lives in a Catholic mental institution. Though he had been accused of several crimes 30 years ago, he says he’s not responsible. He cautions Kay to be careful when looking for the three missing girls — the cases have cursed him and she might be dragged into something she can’t handle.
14. INT. UNIVERSITY CLASSROOM — DAY
Dr Geissler tells Kay that Becca’s abilities are in line with what many cultures believe — that our reality is adjoined to a spirit world. He signs the internship papers but warns Kay to be careful.
15. INT. SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT/FILE STORAGE ROOM — DAY
Becca visits Kay at the Sheriff’s department to retrieve her pocketbook. Kay shows her the map of missing persons and describes the unusual history of these crimes — three missing persons every 30 years. Because the victims are the young and innocent, Becca takes an interest and signs the internship papers.
ACT 2
16. INT. FACTORY— DAY
While operating machinery, a MACHINIST exhibits paranoid behavior towards his co-workers.
17. INT. MACHINIST’S HOME — NIGHT
During a rough night of drug experimentation, the Machinist becomes possessed by a DEMON.
HORROR SITUATION: The Machinist can’t tell the difference between drug hallucinations and actual spiritual activity.
FEAR: At first the Machinist is amused by the drug’s psychedelic effects, but grows fearful when he witnesses demonic activity — strange voices, moving objects, violent porn playing over and over.
SHOCK: The Machinist comes face to face with the Demon.
DREAD: The Machinist is helpless as the Demon descends on him and possesses him.
MONSTER REVEAL: We briefly see the Demon’s actual spiritual form and what a possession really looks like.
18. EXT. CRIME SCENE #1 — DAY
Kay and Becca investigate a 30-year-old crime scene but can’t find any clues on the missing girls. Becca reveals that sinful activity leaves scars on the landscape of the alternate dimension, so hidden details of these crimes can more easily be detected there.
19. EXT. CRIME SCENE #2 — DAY
Kay develops a way to communicate with Becca while she’s in the alternate dimension using high frequency transceivers. Becca discovers a set of misshapen footprints but doesn’t say anything to Kay.
20. INT. FACTORY – DAY
The Machinist’s behavior is more extreme and insubordinate. He gets revenge on a co-worker who’s been harassing him.
21. INT. KAY’S DUPLEX – EVENING
Becca joins Kay for a home-cooked dinner with her two kids TY and TRUDIE and her duplex neighbor CHERYL. Kay and Becca share their common experiences surviving abuse — Kay fights and Becca hides. Becca also reveals that her sister died at a young age due to neglect.
Kay’s abusive ex-husband MITCH shows up, so Ty and Trudie take Becca to their bedroom. Becca listens through the paper-thin walls how Kay is able to stand up to Mitch.
22. EXT. QUARRY – NIGHT
The Machinist watches a group of young people cliff diving in a quarry and kidnaps one of them.
HORROR SITUATION: The young people are unaware that they’re being stalked and that one of them is being targeted.
ANXIETY: The young people dare each other to take dangerous dives into the water.
SUSPENSE: After one of them delays his return to the surface, the young woman, LEYA, wonders what exists below the surface.
RELEASE: Leya takes the plunge and is relieved and proud that it goes well.
SURPRISE: On her hike back to the summit, Leya is captured by the Machinist.
23. INT. SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT — DAY
When Sorenson announces Leya’s disappearance, Kay expresses her concern that the 30-year cycle is beginning again. Sorenson rejects the idea — he assigns the case to Cam and orders Kay to stick with her current caseload.
24. INT. FILE STORAGE ROOM – DAY
Kay adds a new pin into her map and realizes it matches the location of a kidnapping years ago. Based on that, she calculates the next location to investigate, which happens to be in a different county.
25. INT. ROADHOUSE — NIGHT
When they explore a busy roadhouse, Becca encounters the Demon in possession of the Machinist, who is in the process of selecting the next victim.
HORROR SITUATION: Becca’s exploration of the alternate dimension reveals it to be far more complex and dangerous than she’s previously experienced.
CREEPY MOMENT: When in the alternate dimension, Becca sees many scars on the landscape, the result of bad behavior, and she perceives ghostly spiritual beings feeding off the roadhouse patrons.
MONSTER REVEAL: Becca sees the Demon in possession of the Machinist; it ignores her, apparently not recognizing her as a threat.
SUSPENSE: Becca watches the Demon browse the crowd of potential victims — who will it select?
PANIC: When the Demon targets an innocent young woman, EVE, Becca decides to intervene by shoving the Demon.
MONSTER REVEAL: Contact between a human and a demon in the spirit world causes great pain to both.
TERROR: The Demon detaches from the Machinist and chases Becca. Kay tries to question the Machinist, but is attacked by him.
MONSTER REVEAL: The Demon can link and unlink from an individual, but it takes a bit of time.
26. EXT. CUL-DE-SAC — NIGHT
Unaware of the demonic activity, Eve’s boyfriend KEV drives her to a lonely cul-de-sac where they are followed by the Machinist.
HORROR SITUATION: Kev confronts the Machinist unaware that he’s way out of his league.
APPREHENSION: Kev is an abuser and as he threatens Eve, the Machinist arrives, whom Kev also threatens.
SHOCK: The Machinist brutally kills Kev.
DREAD: Eve has nowhere to go as the Machinist turns his attention to her.
27. INT. ROADHOUSE — NIGHT
Having escaped the attacks by the Demon and the Machinist, Becca and Kay decide to look for Eve, who had departed with her boyfriend during the confrontation.
28. EXT. KAY’S SUV/CUL-DE-SAC — NIGHT
During their search, Becca complains about pain in the hand that touched the Demon. She gets the feeling the Demon is nearby and directs Kay to drive into the dark cul-de-sac. They discover Kev’s mutilated body but no Eve.
29. EXT. CUL-DE-SAC — LATER
The site has been roped off as a crime scene by local law enforcement, and Becca watches Kay interact with the local sheriff, looking a little less sure of herself.
30. INT. SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT/SORENSON’S OFFICE — DAY
Sorenson is peeved that his least experienced investigator was involved in an altercation and murder in another county. He dissolves Becca’s internship and reassigns Kay to desk duty.
Exiting the meeting, Kay tries to makes plans with Becca but Becca says the internship’s suspension might be for the best. She refuses a ride home, saying she has plans of her own.
31. EXT. CHURCH GRAVEYARD — NIGHT
In a remote church graveyard, the possessed Machinist buries Eve’s body and slides a stone on top as if to make sure she’ll stay put.
32. INT. FILE STORAGE ROOM – NIGHT
Kay adds another pin to her map but this time can’t predict where the next kidnapping will occur. She phones the mental institution.
33. INT. MENTAL INSTITUTION — NIGHT
Kay meets with Lemech, who agrees to talk under one condition — that he’s not removed from the mental institution for any reason. Lemech explains that 30 years ago he killed Anita Harms, and afterwards was possessed by a demon, which drove him to kidnap and kill the three missing girls. Ever since, he’s been living in this religious building as protection.
He says that for decades the perpetrator of these crimes is an ancient Demon bound to this region. European settlers tried driving it from the land, so it retaliated by taking innocent victims from each generation of their descendants.
Kay wants to know where the Demon is taking the victims, but Lemech refuses to say more.
34. INT. SHERIFF’S OFFICE — DAY
Kay pleads with Sorenson to prevent Lemech from being removed from the mental institution, but Sorenson says she’s too late — a deputy is already on his way to pick up Lemech for his arraignment on Anita’s murder.
35. INT. DEPUTY’S VEHICLE — DAY
Lemech, handcuffed and clutching a rosary, nervously rides away from the mental institution. He sees ghostly figures hiding in the shadows outside the vehicle.
36. INT. COUNTY JAIL — DAY
As Lemech is admitted into jail he’s forced to relinquish his rosary. The Demon watches while perched on the ceiling.
Kay tries to talk to Lemech before he’s locked in a cell. Knowing he’s vulnerable, Lemech asks Kay to arrange for a priest to take his confession in exchange for more information. Kay insists he’ll be safe inside a jail.
A brusque JAILER cuts their conversation short, and the only information Lemech can convey is the word “Bern”.
37. INT. UNIVERSITY CLASSROOM — DAY
Kay consults with Dr. Geissler, who’s now fearful over the recent murder and kidnappings. Kay pressures him, and the only thing he could think of is a 19th century pioneer settlement called Bern.
38. INT. INTERCUT COFFEE SHOP & COUNTY JAIL — NIGHT
Intercutting between Lemech’s cell and a coffee shop where Becca is on a first date, we witness the Demon possess the Jailer, who then kills Lemech, which in turn triggers a hysterical reaction by Becca.
HORROR SITUATION: Because she touched the Demon at the roadhouse, Becca is now sensitive to its murderous activity.
DREAD: Believing he’s doomed, Lemech goes through with his confession to a PRIEST.
SURPRISE: The Demon now possesses the Jailer.
MONSTER REVEAL: The Demon can take over any hate-filled person as its pawn.
SHOCK: The Jailer brutally kills Lemech
HYSTERIA: Sensing Lemech’s execution, Becca goes into hysterics during her date.
39. INT. COUNTY JAIL — NIGHT
Kay arrives to find Lemech’s corpse. She surreptitiously picks up his rosary from the Jailer’s office.
40. INT. LIBRARY — NIGHT
Kay tears through old maps to find Bern’s location and transposes it to her GPS. She calls Becca, who’s devastated from her tragic date, and they both agree to root out the evil that’s been plaguing the region.
41. EXT. BERN — DAY
Kay and Becca follow the coordinates to a remote part of the state where they discover the ruins of an old church — the one from the prologue. While searching in the alternate dimension, Becca discovers scores of victims buried beneath slabs of granite.
HORROR SITUATION: Becca and Kay make a shocking discovery while they’re on hostile ground and isolated and vulnerable.
ANXIETY: Becca senses they’re on to something big and is nervous about searching the grounds.
SHOCK: Becca is confronted with dozens of buried bodies which, in her vision, are all preserved in their original state.
REVEAL: Becca, psychically connected to the Demon, understands its overarching intent — it take three victims, one for every day Christ was in the tomb, and buries them so they could never rise again. It’s a mockery of God.
DREAD: They find the fresh graves of Leya and Eve next to an open grave — there’s still one more murder in this cycle.
42. EXT. GRAIN ELEVATOR — NIGHT
While on their way to meet local law enforcement, Kay and Becca are run off the road by the Machinist, who is now pursuing them.
HORROR SITUATION: The Demon turns the tables — it now pursues Kay and Becca, rather than them looking for it.
APPREHENSION: Kay and Becca are on edge because they know they’ve just penetrated the Demon’s secret hideout.
SURPRISE: The Machinist runs Kay off the road, damaging her SUV, which comes to a stop at an abandoned grain elevator.
SUSPENSE: The Machinist circles their disabled vehicle, revealing he has the THIRD VICTIM with him, then parks out of sight behind the elevator.
REVEAL: It appears the Demon is making this personal.
SHOCK: When Kay tries to confront the Machinist, he traps her in an underground grain pit.
TERROR: The Machinist chases Becca, who escapes into the alternate dimension — where the Demon chases her — so she returns to the real world right into the hands of the Machinist.
HYSTERIA: The Machinist assaults Becca before Kay escapes the pit and chases it off with her gun.
43. INT. HOSPITAL/EMERGENCY — NIGHT
Kay brings Becca to an emergency room. She’s barred from seeing her.
44. INT. HOSPITAL/PATIENT ROOM — DAY
Kay tries to visit Becca, but Becca isn’t receiving any visitors.
ACT 3
45. EXT. BERN — DAY
Several law enforcement agencies are involved in the exhumation of the Demon’s victims, including the FBI. It’s a complicated operation, with Kay at the center.
46. INT. SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT/INTERROGATION ROOM — DAY
TWO FBI AGENTS quiz Kay on how she found the bodies, and she tells them the truth — Becca is psychic. Questioning Kay’s state of mind, Sorenson orders Kay to work with him to file a report and then take some time off.
47. INT. FACTORY/MACHINIST’S APARTMENT/ROADHOUSE — DAY
Cam is seen working with FBI agents trying to track the Machinist.
48. INT. BECCA’S CHILDHOOD HOME — DAY
Kay drops in on Becca, who’s now living miles away with her abusive mother. Becca says that she’s free from the Demon’s reach way out here. She admits defeat — sometimes evil can’t be stopped and we need to learn to live with it.
49. INT. KAY’S HOME — DAY
Given that perspective, Kay goes home and gives love to her two kids.
50. INT. BECCA’S CHILDHOOD HOME — DAY
While going through a storeroom, Kay finds old toys and is reminded of the sister she lost years ago. She tries the alternate dimension one more time.
While there, she challenges herself to psychically connect with the Demon and learns that his next intended victim is Kay’s daughter Trudie.
She can’t reach Kay on the phone, so she reaches out to Cam to tell him the third victim was never buried — the killer’s after one more, and she fears it’s Trudie. Cam doesn’t believe her but promises to check on Kay.
Though she doesn’t know how to drive, Becca commandeers her mom’s pickup and heads toward Kay.
51. EXT. KAY’S HOME — NIGHT
Cam stakes out Kay’s duplex, making sure she’s safe, but falls prey to the Machinist.
HORROR SITUATION: Cam thinks he has everything under control but is caught off guard.
APPREHENSION: While watching Kay’s home, Cam notices someone else doing the same — Mitch. Cam shines a flashlight on him, which chases him away.
SURPRISE: The Machinist appears out of nowhere and kills Cam.
52. INT. KAY’S HOME — NIGHT
The Demon invades Kay’s home to kill Trudie. Kay and Cheryl have to team up to fend him off, using their survivors’ wits.
HORROR SITUATION: Kay and Trudie survive one close call after another but ultimately find themselves at the mercy of the Demon.
SHOCK: The Machinist tricks Trudie into unlocking the front door by flashing Cam’s disembodied head through the peephole.
FEAR: The Machinist stands between Kay and her pistol, which means she has to defend her family without a weapon.
REVEAL: The Machinist allows Ty to escape through a window, signaling that the Demon is solely focused on Trudie.
DREAD: Using demonic power, the Machinist slams shut all the doors and windows and pops all the light bulbs, effectively trapping Kay and Trudie inside.
PANIC: When burning popcorn sets off the duplex’s sprinklers, Kay uses the moment of confusion to retreat with Trudie into the bedroom.
TERROR: Kay barricades the bedroom door; the Machinist begins beating it down.
SUSPENSE: Kay kicks a hole in the wall as an escape route — will they make it to Cheryl’s side of the duplex before the Machinist breaks into the room?
RELEASE: Trudie squeezes through the hole and into the hands of Cheryl on her side of the duplex.
ANGUISH: The Machinist immediately stops its attack and leaves for Cheryl’s duplex. On her way to Cheryl’s, Kay grabs her pistol and Lemech’s rosary.
HYSTERIA: Kay hears scream inside Cheryl’s home but is unable to penetrate the front door — the Machinist has it sealed from the inside. Powerless, Kay is on the verge of hysteria.
RELEASE: Kay discovers that if she wraps the rosary around her hand she can weaken the Demon’s power and open the door.
PANIC: Kay stumbles in to find the Machinist levitating Cheryl, about to kill her; Kay shoots the Machinist, who drops Cheryl but is not impaired by the bullets.
DREAD: The Machinist turns to focus on Kay, revealing a demonic visage.
SHOCK: Kay shoots the Machinist in the face, but being possessed, he keeps going.
TERROR: Through demonic power, the Machinist smashes Kay into the ceiling several times, causing her to drop the pistol and the rosary. The Machinist spins to Trudie and is about to kill her.
RELEASE: Becca appears at the door; she picks up the rosary and disappears into the alternate dimension.
PANIC: Though it causes intense pain, Becca attacks the Demon and wraps the rosary around its throat; the Demon releases the Machinist from its grip and falls to the ground, stunned.
TERROR: Kay comes to her senses and fires a death shot through the Machinist’s heart.
RELEASE: Becca reappears in the real world, mortally wounded; after saying her goodbyes, she dies.
As Kay, Trudie and Cheryl mourn Becca’s passing, they hear someone coming up the sidewalk and through the front door — Mitch, leading Ty by the hand.
SHOCK: Mitch suddenly grabs Ty and threatens to kill him; his face takes on an evil countenance.
REVEAL: The Demon has possessed Mitch.
SUSPENSE: Kay wants to shoot Mitch but can’t for fear of injuring Ty.
RELEASE: Mitch suddenly drops Ty and writhes in pain.
MONSTER REVEAL: In the alternate dimension, the Demon is powerless against the resurrected spirit of Becca; she punishes the Demon to an inch of its life and causes it to flee.
RELEASE: In the real world, Mitch drops unconscious; Kay rolls him out the door and locks it; she gathers her family and Cheryl together and remarks that Becca was the one victim who resurrected.
53. NEWS REPORTS
A montage of news reports describe the numerous funerals following the recovery of the long-lost bodies.
54. EXT. CEMETERY
The Priest presides over a small memorial service for Becca — including Kay and her children, Cheryl (bandaged), Sorenson and some of Becca’s classmates. Kay remarks that Becca hasn’t really died and will always watch over them.
-
Chuck Czech’s Horror Outline Version 1
What I learned… assembling the script in outline form is essential prior to actually writing scenes and dialogue; I’m expecting that the writing of the script itself will be fairly pain free, provided my outline makes sense to others.
PROLOGUE
1. EXT. MINNESOTA PRAIRIE/GERMAN SETTLEMENT/CHURCH – DAY
At an 1845 German Catholic settlement, a group of churchgoers conduct a prayer procession meant to expel evil from the land. A trio of bored teenage girls break off from the group.
2. EXT. MINNESOTA PRAIRIE/TALL GRASS MAZE – DAY
The girls are stalked and killed by a Stranger amid a maze of tall prairie grass.
HORROR SITUATION: The girls’ mischief places them outside the safety of their village — they’re on their own.
APPREHENSION: One of the girls, GERTRUDE, is separated from the others and grows anxious looking for them.
SCARE: While searching, Gertrude steps on a snake, startling her.
RELEASE: Gertrude runs right into the arms of the others, who are experimenting with smoking.
CREEPY MOMENT: The wind dies and birds stop singing as the Stranger approaches.
TERROR: The Stranger strangles one of the girls, then stalks the other two among a maze of tall grass.
MONSTER REVEAL: At the moment he kills a victim, the Stranger reveals a demonic face.
ACT 1
3. EXT. RURAL HOME – DAY
The painfully shy BECCA WEAKS (10) is harshly treated by her mother when trying to protect her younger sister.
Later, an abusive COUSIN (13) tries to take advantage of Becca, but she uses the ability to disappear into an alternate dimension to hide from him — she can see him but he can’t see her.
4. EXT. ARCHEOLOGICAL DIG – DAY
BECCA (19) is now an anthropology student and participates in a university archeological dig led by professor GLENN GEISSLER. When her classmates pressure her to ask out a guy, she is compelled to hide in the alternate dimension. There, she discovers a child’s ID tag hidden underground.
5. EXT. KAY’S SUV — DAY
KAY LUND drives her two kids to school. It’s established that she’s divorced and trying to shield the kids from an abusive ex-husband. She’s also an investigator at the Sheriff’s Department and late for work.
6. INT. SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT/FILE STORAGE ROOM — DAY
Fellow investigator CAM DRURY tells Kay she just missed Dr. Geissler who dropped off the ID. Kay’s been assigned to investigate cold cases and takes an interest in the ID. She suggests to Cam there’s a pattern to the history of missing persons in this part of the state but he doesn’t buy it.
7. EXT. ARCHEOLOGICAL DIG SITE — DAY
Kay and Cam show up at the dig site looking for more information, but Becca avoids them.
8. UNIVERSITY CLASSROOM/CAMPUS GROUNDS/STUDENT UNION — DAY
Kay finds Becca on campus and drills her about how she discovered the ID tag. Becca reveals that she has the ability to disappear into an alternate dimension where hidden things are more easily found, but Kay is skeptical and demands a demonstration.
9. EXT. ARCHEOLOGICAL DIG SITE — DAY
At the now-deserted dig site, Becca demonstrates her ability to disappear into the alternate dimension. While there, she discovers a child’s buried remains.
HORROR SITUATION: Becca explores unfamiliar areas in the alternate dimension and discovers a child’s remains.
APPREHENSION: This is the first time Becca has really explored the alternate dimension; she typically uses it to hide.
CREEPY MOMENT: Becca follows a trail of footprints which are hidden in the real world.
SHOCK: Becca finds the body of a girl who went missing 30 years ago; in the alternate dimension the corpse still looks intact.
ANGUISH: Kay hears Becca screaming but can’t easily find her.
SHOCK: Becca specifies a place for Kay to dig and she unearths the girl’s skeleton.
10. EXT. ARCHEOLOGICAL DIG SITE — LATER
As law enforcement and news media pore over the location, Kay lies to her supervisor, LIEUTENANT SORENSON, about how they discovered the body; she also tells him that Becca was present because she was interested in an internship.
11. INT. KAY’S SUV — MOVING — DAY
Kay invites Becca to help with cold cases, but Becca turns her down. During the drive, Kay notices Becca dropping her pocketbook but doesn’t tell her.
12. INT. SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT — DAY
At an incident debriefing, the identity of the skeleton is identified — Anita Harms, who went missing 30 years ago. Her pediatrician was accused of murdering her but was never convicted.
13. INT. MENTAL INSTITUTION — DAY
Kay and Cam interview former pediatrician DR MARVIN LEMECH, who lives in a Catholic mental institution; though he had been implicated in several crimes 30 years ago, he says he’s not responsible.
14. INT. UNIVERSITY CLASSROOM — DAY
Dr Geissler tells Kay that Becca’s abilities are in line with what many cultures believe — that our reality is adjoined to a spirit world. He signs the internship papers but warns Kay to be careful.
15. INT. SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT/FILE STORAGE ROOM — DAY
Becca visits Kay at the Sheriff’s department to retrieve her pocketbook. Kay shows her the map of missing persons and describes the unusual history of these crimes — three missing persons every 30 years. Because the victims are the young and innocent, Becca takes an interest and signs the internship papers.
ACT 2
16. INT. FACTORY— DAY
While operating machinery, a MACHINIST exhibits paranoid behavior towards his co-workers.
17. INT. MACHINIST’S HOME — NIGHT
During a rough night of drug experimentation, the Machinist becomes possessed by a DEMON.
HORROR SITUATION: The Machinist can’t tell the difference between drug hallucinations and actual spiritual activity.
FEAR: At first the Machinist is amused by the drug’s psychedelic effects, but grows fearful when he witnesses demonic activity — strange voices, moving objects, violent porn playing over and over.
SHOCK: The Machinist comes face to face with the Demon.
DREAD: The Machinist is helpless as the Demon descends on him and possesses him.
MONSTER REVEAL: We briefly see the Demon’s actual spiritual form and what a possession really looks like.
18. EXT. CRIME SCENE #1 — DAY
Kay and Becca investigate a 30-year-old crime scene but can’t find any clues on the missing girls. Becca reveals that sinful activity leaves scars on the landscape of the alternate dimension, so hidden details of these crimes can more easily be detected there.
19. EXT. CRIME SCENE #2 — DAY
Kay develops a way to communicate with Becca while she’s in the alternate dimension using high frequency transceivers. Becca discovers a set of misshapen footprints but doesn’t say anything to Kay.
20. INT. FACTORY – DAY
The Machinist’s behavior is more extreme and insubordinate. He gets revenge on a co-worker who’s been harassing him.
21. INT. KAY’S DUPLEX – EVENING
Becca joins Kay for a home-cooked dinner with her two kids TY and TRUDIE and her duplex neighbor CHERYL. Kay and Becca share their common experiences surviving abuse — Kay fights and Becca hides.
Kay’s abusive ex-husband MITCH shows up, so Ty and Trudie take Becca to their bedroom. Becca listens through the paper-thin walls how Kay is able to stand up to Mitch.
22. EXT. QUARRY – NIGHT
The Machinist watches a group of young people cliff diving in a quarry and kidnaps one of them.
HORROR SITUATION: The young people are unaware that they’re being stalked and that one of them is being targeted.
ANXIETY: The young people dare each other to take dangerous dives into the water.
SUSPENSE: After one of them delays his return to the surface, the young woman, LEYA, wonders what exists below the surface.
RELEASE: Leya takes the plunge and is relieved and proud that it goes well.
SURPRISE: On her hike back to the summit, Leya is captured by the Machinist.
23. INT. SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT — DAY
When Sorenson announces Leya’s disappearance, Kay expresses her concern that the 30-year cycle is beginning again. Sorenson rejects the — he assigns the case to Cam and orders Kay to stick with her current caseload.
24. INT. FILE STORAGE ROOM – DAY
Kay adds a new pin into her map and realizes it matches the location of a kidnapping years ago. Based on that, she calculates the next location to investigate, which happens to be in a different county.
25. INT. ROADHOUSE — NIGHT
When they explore a busy roadhouse, Becca encounters the Demon in possession of the Machinist, who is in the process of selecting the next victim.
HORROR SITUATION: Becca’s exploration of the alternate dimension reveals it to be far more complex and dangerous than she’s previously experienced.
CREEPY MOMENT: When in the alternate dimension, Becca sees many scars on the landscape, and she perceives ghostly spiritual beings feeding off the roadhouse patrons.
MONSTER REVEAL: Becca sees the Demon in possession of the Machinist; it ignores her, apparently not recognizing her as a threat.
SUSPENSE: Becca watches the Demon browse the crowd of potential victims — who will it select?
PANIC: When the Demon targets an innocent young woman, EVE, Becca decides to intervene by shoving the Demon.
MONSTER REVEAL: Contact between a person and a demon in the spirit world causes great pain to both.
TERROR: The Demon detaches from the Machinist and chases Becca. Kay tries to question the Machinist, but is attacked by him.
MONSTER REVEAL: The Demon can link and unlink from an individual, but it takes a bit of time.
26. EXT. CUL-DE-SAC — NIGHT
Unaware of the demonic activity, Eve’s boyfriend KEV drives her to a lonely cul-de-sac where they are both killed by the Machinist.
HORROR SITUATION: Kev confronts the Machinist unaware that he’s way out of his league.
APPREHENSION: Kev is an abuser and as he threatens Eve, the Machinist arrives, whom Kev also threatens.
SHOCK: The Machinist brutally kills Kev.
DREAD: Eve has nowhere to go as the Machinist turns his attention to her.
27. INT. ROADHOUSE — NIGHT
Having escaped the attacks by the Demon and the Machinist, Becca and Kay determine to look for Eve, who had departed with her boyfriend during the confrontation.
28. EXT. KAY’S SUV/CUL-DE-SAC — NIGHT
During their search, Becca complains about pain in the hand that touched the Demon. She gets the feeling the Demon is nearby and directs Kay to drive into the dark cul-de-sac. They discover Kev’s mutilated body but no Eve.
29. EXT. CUL-DE-SAC — LATER
The site has been roped off as a crime scene by local law enforcement, and Becca watches Kay interact with the local sheriff, looking a little less sure of herself.
30. INT. SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT/SORENSON’S OFFICE — DAY
Sorenson is peeved that his least experienced investigator was involved in an altercation and murder in another county. He dissolves Becca’s internship and reassigns Kay to desk duty.
Exiting the meeting, Kay tries to makes plans with Becca but Becca says the internship’s suspension might be for the best. She refuses a ride home, saying she has plans of her own.
31. EXT. CHURCH GRAVEYARD — NIGHT
In a remote church graveyard, the possessed Machinist buries Eve’s body and slides a stone on top as if to make sure she’ll stay put.
32. INT. FILE STORAGE ROOM – NIGHT
Kay adds another pin to her map but this time can’t predict where the next kidnapping will occur. She phones the mental institution.
33. INT. MENTAL INSTITUTION — NIGHT
Kay meets with Lemech, who agrees to talk under one condition — that he’s not removed from the mental institution for any reason. Lemech explains that 30 years ago he killed Anita Harms, and afterwards was possessed by a demon, which drove him to kidnap and kill the three missing girls. Ever since, he’s been living in this religious building as protection.
He says that for decades the perpetrator of these crimes is an ancient Demon bound to this region. European settlers tried driving it from the land, so it retaliated by taking innocent victims from each generation of their descendants.
Kay wants to know where the Demon is taking the victims, but Lemech refuses to say more.
34. INT. SHERIFF’S OFFICE — DAY
Kay pleads with Sorenson to prevent Lemech from being removed from the mental institution, but Sorenson says she’s too late — a deputy is already on his way to pick up Lemech for his arraignment on Anita’s murder.
35. INT. DEPUTY’S VEHICLE — DAY
Lemech, handcuffed and clutching a rosary, nervously rides away from the mental institution. He sees ghostly figures hiding in the shadows outside the vehicle.
36. INT. COUNTY JAIL — DAY
As Lemech is admitted into jail he’s forced to relinquish his rosary. The Demon watches while perched on the ceiling.
Kay tries to talk to Lemech before he’s locked in a cell. Knowing he’s vulnerable, Lemech asks Kay to arrange for a priest to take his confession in exchange for more information. Kay insists he’ll be safe inside a jail.
A brusque JAILER cuts their conversation short, and the only information Lemech can convey is the word “Bern”.
37. INT. UNIVERSITY CLASSROOM — DAY
Kay consults with Dr. Geissler, who’s now fearful over the recent murder and kidnappings. Kay pressures him, and the only thing he could think of is a 19th century pioneer settlement called Bern.
38. INT. INTERCUT COFFEE SHOP & COUNTY JAIL — NIGHT
Intercutting between Lemech’s cell and a coffee shop where Becca is on a first date, we witness the Demon possess the Jailer, who then kills Lemech, which in turn triggers a hysterical reaction by Becca.
HORROR SITUATION: Because she touched the Demon at the roadhouse, Becca is now sensitive to its murderous activity.
DREAD: Believing he’s doomed, Lemech goes through with his confession to a PRIEST.
SURPRISE: The Demon now possesses the Jailer.
MONSTER REVEAL: The Demon can take over any hate-filled person as its pawn.
SHOCK: The Jailer brutally kills Lemech
HYSTERIA: Sensing Lemech’s execution, Becca goes into hysterics during her date.
39. INT. COUNTY JAIL — NIGHT
Kay arrives to find Lemech’s corpse. She surreptitiously picks up his rosary from the Jailer’s office.
40. INT. LIBRARY — NIGHT
Kay tears through old maps to find Bern’s location and transposes it to her GPS. She calls Becca, who’s devastated from her tragic date, and they both agree to root out the evil that’s been plaguing the region.
41. EXT. BERN — DAY
Kay and Becca follow the coordinates to a remote part of the state where they discover the ruins of an old church — the one from the prologue. While searching in the alternate dimension, Becca discovers scores of victims buried beneath slabs of granite.
HORROR SITUATION: Becca and Kay make a shocking discovery while they’re on hostile ground and isolated and vulnerable.
ANXIETY: Becca senses they’re on to something big and is nervous about searching the grounds.
SHOCK: Becca is confronted with dozens of bodies which, in her vision, are all preserved in their original state.
REVEAL: Becca, psychically connected to the Demon, understands its overarching intent — it take three victims, one for every day Christ was in the tomb, and buries them so they could never rise again. It’s a mockery of God.
DREAD: They find the fresh graves of Leya and Eve next to an open grave — there’s still one more murder in this cycle.
42. EXT. GRAIN ELEVATOR — NIGHT
While on their way to meet local law enforcement, Kay and Becca are run off the road by the Machinist, who traps Kay and assaults Becca.
HORROR SITUATION: The Demon turns the tables — it now pursues Kay and Becca, rather than them looking for it.
APPREHENSION: Kay and Becca are on edge because they’ve just penetrated the Demon’s secret hideout.
SURPRISE: The Machinist runs Kay off the road, damaging her SUV, which comes to a stop at an abandoned grain elevator.
SUSPENSE: The Machinist circles their disabled vehicle, revealing he has the THIRD VICTIM with him, then parks out of sight behind the elevator.
REVEAL: It appears the Demon is making this personal.
SHOCK: When Kay tries to confront the Machinist, he traps her in an underground grain pit.
TERROR: The Machinist chases Becca, who escapes into the alternate dimension — where the Demon chases her — so she returns to the real world right into the hands of the Machinist.
HYSTERIA: The Machinist assaults Becca before Kay escapes the pit and chases it off with her gun.
43. INT. HOSPITAL/EMERGENCY — NIGHT
Kay brings Becca to an emergency room. She’s barred from seeing her.
44. INT. HOSPITAL/PATIENT ROOM — DAY
Kay tries to visit Becca, but Becca isn’t receiving any visitors.
ACT 3
45. EXT. BERN — DAY
Several law enforcement agencies are involved in the exhumation of the Demon’s victims, including the FBI. It’s a complicated operation, with Kay at the center.
46. INT. SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT/INTERROGATION ROOM — DAY
TWO FBI AGENTS quiz Kay on how she found the bodies, and she tells them the truth — Becca is psychic. Questioning Kay’s state of mind, Sorenson orders Kay to work with him to file a report and then take some time off.
47. INT. FACTORY/MACHINIST’S APARTMENT/ROADHOUSE — DAY
Cam is seen working with FBI agents trying to track the Machinist.
48. INT. BECCA’S CHILDHOOD HOME — DAY
Kay drops in on Becca, who’s now living miles away with her abusive mother. Becca says that she’s free from the Demon’s reach way out here. She admits defeat — sometimes evil can’t be stopped and we need to learn to live with it.
49. INT. KAY’S HOME — DAY
Given that perspective, Kay goes home and gives love to her two kids.
50. INT. BECCA’S CHILDHOOD HOME — DAY
While going through a storeroom, Kay finds old toys and is reminded of the sister she lost years ago. She tries the alternate dimension one more time.
While there, she challenges herself to psychically connect with the Demon and learns that his next intended victim is Kay’s daughter Trudie.
She can’t reach Kay on the phone, so she reaches out to Cam — who doesn’t believe her but promises to check on her.
Though she doesn’t know how to drive, Becca commandeers her mom’s pickup and heads toward Kay.
51. EXT. KAY’S HOME — NIGHT
Cam stakes out Kay’s duplex, making sure she’s safe, but falls prey to the Machinist.
HORROR SITUATION: Cam thinks he has everything under control but is caught off guard.
APPREHENSION: While watching Kay’s home, Cam notices someone else doing the same — Mitch. Cam shines a flashlight on him, which chases him away.
SURPRISE: The Machinist appears out of nowhere and kills Cam.
52. INT. KAY’S HOME — NIGHT
The Demon invades Kay’s home to kill Trudie. Kay and Cheryl have to team up to fend him off, using their survivors’ wits.
HORROR SITUATION: Kay and Trudie survive one close call after another but ultimately find themselves at the mercy of the Demon.
SHOCK: The Machinist tricks Trudie into unlocking the front door by flashing Cam’s disembodied head through the peephole.
FEAR: The Machinist stands between Kay and her pistol, which means she has to defend her family without a weapon.
REVEAL: The Machinist allows Ty to escape through a window, signaling that the Demon is solely focused on Trudie.
DREAD: Using demonic power, the Machinist slams shut all the doors and windows and pops all the light bulbs, effectively trapping Kay and Trudie inside.
PANIC: When burning popcorn sets off the duplex’s sprinklers, Kay uses the moment of confusion to retreat with Trudie into the bedroom.
TERROR: Kay barricades the bedroom door; the Machinist begins beating it down.
SUSPENSE: Kay kicks a hole in the wall as an escape route — will they make it to Cheryl’s side of the duplex before the Machinist breaks into the room?
RELEASE: Trudie squeezes through the hole and into the hands of Cheryl on her side of the duplex.
ANGUISH: The Machinist immediately stops its attack and leaves for Cheryl’s duplex. On her way to Cheryl’s, Kay grabs her pistol and Lemech’s rosary.
HYSTERIA: Kay hears scream inside Cheryl’s home but is unable to penetrate the front door — the Machinist has it sealed from the inside; powerless, Kay is on the verge of hysteria.
RELEASE: Kay discovers that if she wraps the rosary around her hand she can weaken the Demon’s power and open the door.
PANIC: Kay stumbles in to find the Machinist levitating Cheryl, about to kill her; Kay shoots the Machinist, who drops Cheryl but is not impaired by the bullets.
DREAD: The Machinist turns to focus on Kay, revealing a demonic visage.
SHOCK: Kay shoots the Machinist in the face, but being possessed, he keeps going.
TERROR: Through demonic power, the Machinist smashes Kay into the ceiling several times, causing her to drop the pistol and the rosary; the Machinist spins to Trudie and is about to kill her.
RELEASE: Becca appears at the door; she picks up the rosary and disappears into the alternate dimension.
PANIC: Though it causes intense pain, Becca attacks the Demon and wraps the rosary around its throat; the Demon releases the Machinist from its grip and falls to the ground, stunned.
TERROR: Kay comes to her senses and fires a death shot through the Machinist’s heart.
RELEASE: Becca reappears in the real world, mortally wounded; after saying her goodbyes, she dies.
As Kay, Trudie and Cheryl mourn Becca’s passing, they hear someone coming up the sidewalk and through the front door — Mitch, leading Ty by the hand.
SHOCK: Mitch suddenly grabs Ty and threatens to kill him; his face takes on an evil countenance.REVEAL: The Demon has possessed Mitch.
SUSPENSE: Kay wants to shoot Mitch but can’t for fear of injuring Ty.
RELEASE: Mitch suddenly drops Ty and writhes in pain.
MONSTER REVEAL: In the alternate dimension, the Demon is powerless against the resurrected spirit of Becca; she punishes the Demon to an inch of its life and causes it to flee.
RELEASE: In the real world, Mitch drops unconscious; Kay rolls him out the door and locks it; she gathers her family and Cheryl together and remarks that Becca was the one victim who resurrected.
53. NEWS REPORTS
A montage of news reports describe the numerous funerals following the recovery of the long-lost bodies.
54. EXT. CEMETERY
The Priest presides over a small memorial service for Becca — including Kay and her children, Cheryl (bandaged), Sorenson and some of Becca’s classmates. Kay remarks that Becca hasn’t really died and will always watch over them.
-
Chuck Czech’s Scary-As-Hell Scene
What I learned — we’re kind of pulling it all together, creating scenes built on the conventions of horror. Another fun writing challenge — I hope I didn’t overdo it with four pages of script….
<div>
</div>Here’s a scene at the end of Act 2, just after the villain drives our two main characters off a lonely stretch of road:
<div>
Apprehension — Kay and Becca are stalled at an old grain elevator
Fear — the Machinist arrives and circles them
Suspense — Kay tries to arrest the Machinist — he has the third victim in his truck
Surprise — Kay is trapped in the underground grain pit
Anguish — Becca’s all alone and vulnerable
Panic — Becca races from the truck; the Machinist almost catches her
Terror — Becca phases into the World Between and is chased by the Demon
Dread — Becca phases back to the real world right into the hands of the Machinist
Shock — the Machinist assaults Becca
EXT. GRAIN ELEVATOR/PARKING LOT – NIGHT
The SUV skids to a stop, shrouded in a cloud of dust. They’ve come to a stop in a weed-covered parking lot below a rickety wooden grain elevator. It’s a long-forgotten, towering sentinel on the prairie.
KAY: They didn’t teach that kind of driving at the academy.
BECCA: It was him.
KAY: We don’t know that.
BECCA: I do.
Kay puts the SUV in gear and the vehicle SHRIEKS PAINFULLY.
KAY: Shit. I think I broke something. Maybe a spring. An axle. We aren’t going any where.
As she reaches for her radio, the SUV is sprayed by headlights. The Machinist’s truck pulls into the parking and makes a wide loop around them.
BECCA: Oh God. Told you…
KAY: Keep your pants on, this might be an opportunity.
Kay activates the radio and requests assistance. No response. The Machinist circles again. Then with a CRACKLE, a Dispatcher speaks and Kay gives their location.
ON THE MACHINIST’S TRUCK
It drives into view of SUV’s headlights. A YOUNG WOMAN can be seen in the passenger’s seat.
BACK TO KAY AND BECCA
BECCA: Look! He’s got someone! A girl!
KAY: You sure?
BECCA: The third victim!
Kay hands Becca the radio and draws her gun.
KAY: If anyone calls in, tell them I’m engaging the suspect. He’s got a hostage. I’ll try to hold him till backup arrives. Keep these flashers on and the doors locked. Whatever you do, don’t get out.
Kay checks her handgun then slides out of the SUV. The locks CLICK and Becca hugs the radio.
ON KAY
watching the Machinist drive into the elevator’s drive-through.
KAY: Shit!
Kay darts to the elevator. She peers into the drive-through — the Machinist has parked on the other side of the dilapidated building. He’s dragging the Young Woman’s limp body out of the truck.
KAY (gun raised): Stop right there! Police! Let’s see those hands!
The Machinist drops the Young Woman and places his hands behind his head. He walks slowly toward Kay.
KAY: Stop! I mean it! Turn around and kneel.
The Machinist complies. Kay’s wired. She edges closer to the Machinist — shoots a glance at the Young Woman. Is she still alive?
Kay’s almost on him when the planks beneath her feet CRACK and splinter. Kay tries jumping to the solid metal tracks the Machinist drove on, but she loses footing and drops into an underground grain pit.
The Machinist rises and looks into the pit.
Kay is clutching a rusty metal slope that empties into a pitch-dark trough further below ground.
With amazing strength, The Machinist hoists a large metal grate, and with a huge CRASH, drops it over the pit. Kay is trapped underground.
INT. KAY’S TRUCK – CONTINUOUS
Becca is clutching the radio.
DISPATCHER (O.S.): Are your flashers still activated? We’ll look for them as we get closer.
BECCA: Yes.
DISPATCHER (O.S.): What is the status of Officer Lund?
BECCA: I can’t see her — wait!
Becca sees the Machinist emerge from the grain elevator and march directly for the SUV. He’s carrying a tire iron and there’s anger in his steps.
BECCA: He’s coming! He’s coming right for me!
DISPATCHER (O.S.): I advise you to remain in the vehicle. We have personnel on the way.
The Machinist is illuminated by the flashers — he’s 60 feet away — then 40 — then 20.
Becca bolts from the SUV.
EXT. GRAIN ELEVATOR/PARKING LOT – CONTINUOUS
Becca sprints for the road, looking for police lights.
The Machinist is faster. He closes the distance and pushes Becca to the ground. She spills onto the gravel, scraping elbows and knees. The Machinist raises the tire iron — but Becca disappears from sight.
EXT. BECCA/THE WORLD WITHIN – CONTINUOUS
The ghoulish version of the Machinist stands over Becca, the Demon clinging to his back. As it disentangles itself, Becca springs to her feet and scrambles to the elevator office.
As she reaches the door-less entrance, she glances behind her. The Demon is free of the Machinist and is scanning for her.
INT. GRAIN ELEVATOR OFFICE/THE WORLD WITHIN – CONTINUOUS
Becca takes cover in the darkness behind a counter. She hugs her knees, holds her breath, and waits.
The Demon’s silhouette darkens the office entrance. Becca squeezes her eyes shut. She can hear the Demon’s calloused feet SCRAPE THE WOODEN FLOOR, its RAGGED BREATH HISSING.
After a moment of silence, Becca opens her eyes — the Demon is standing a few feet away, its back to her. She looks at her right hand — it’s trembling — and the wound she received from touching the Demon is glowing red.
Suddenly, the Demon spins and lunges for Becca. She rolls clear and scurries down a cobwebbed corridor.
EXT. GRAIN ELEVATOR/BACK ENTRANCE/THE WORLD BETWEEN – CONTINUOUS
Becca leaps through the back door and slides an ancient barn door shut. The Demon SMASHES against it from the inside.
ON BECCA/THE WORLD BETWEEN
Becca races past the Machinist’s truck, around the corner of the elevator, and toward the SUV.
EXT. GRAIN ELEVATOR/SUV – CONTINUOUS
Becca reappears in the real world. She pops the SUV’s hatch and rummages for anything she could use as a weapon. She reaches for some road flares — but a strong hand seizes her by her hair and throws her to the ground. The Machinist.
Becca tries crawling away, but he grabs her ankle and pulls her toward him. He straddles her, ignoring her punches. He tears open her shirt and kisses her.
Becca SCREAMS for her life.
The Machinist punches her, stunning her. Then his body tenses, his head twists to the sky. When he looks down at Becca, he has the evil visage we’ve seen before. The Demon is back.
MACHINIST: You’re a sneaky little girl, aren’t you? You know what happens to sneaky little girls?
The Machinist pulls at her jeans, tugging them below her waist.
A GUNSHOT — and a bullet ZINGS past the Machinist’s head. He looks —
Kay has partially squeezed out from under the grate. Though her body’s twisted, she FIRES AGAIN. The bullet ZINGS closer. The Machinist rises and spreads his arms, like ‘bring it on’.
POW! POW! POW! All misses. The Machinist laughs.
Then he turns toward the gravel road — it’s washed with blue and red flashing lights — a pair of patrol cars.
The emergency lights illuminate everything — Becca’s limp body, Kay wriggling out of the pit, and the misshapen Machinist with his arms spread. Inexplicably, unbelievably, the Machinist levitates into the air and disappears into the darkness above.
</div>
-
Chuck Czech’s Scares, Releases, and Creepy moments!
I learned that Scares, Releases, and Creepy Moments are more choices on the writer’s palette for developing a scene; these elements can add texture and humor to any horror situation.
Here’s a scene from the Prologue, which takes place on a prairie in 1845:
EXT. PRAIRIE CHURCH/WAGON – DAY
The three girls fall to their knees in the shade of a wagon, causing its horse to NEIGH. GERTRUDE is pale and nervous. ROSA stifles a laugh by holding her nose. The crafty MAGDALENE removes her hat and peers around a wagon wheel.
MAGDALENE’S P.O.V.
The church procession marches toward the wall of prairie grass that marks the edge of the settlement, the incense smoke lingering among them.
BACK TO THE GIRLS
Magdalene tightens her grip on her hat then dashes toward the wall of grass west of the church. Rosa is on her heels. Gertrude hesitates… then runs for it.
EXT. PRAIRIE GRASS – CONTINUOUS
One by one the girls disappear into a gap in the tall grass, Gertrude lagging.
ON GERTRUDE
She finds herself in a pocket amidst the tall switchgrass and bluestem. Several paths have been trampled in front of her.
GERTRUDE: Magdalene? Rosa?
No sound but the SIGHING OF GRASS and the CHIRPING OF GRASSHOPPERS.
Gertrude picks a path and begins searching. The grass caresses her from both sides. Grasshoppers and butterflies scatter in front of her.
GERTRUDE (in German): Where are you two?
She keeps moving, the grass CRUNCHING underfoot. She doesn’t notice a snake crossing her path.
Looking nervous, Gertrude stops and listens. She hears a GUTTURAL SOUND behind her. A voice? Controlling her breathing, she prowls in its direction. Something moves through the grass ahead of her.
GERTRUDE (in German): No tricks… please…
Gertrude cautiously clears away some grass when WHOOSH! a dark form zips skyward. A ruffed grouse.
Gertrude covers her mouth to keep from screaming. She’s had enough — she turns in her tracks — and SHRIEKS as she bumps right into Rosa.
ROSA (in German): Silence, Gertrude! Come with me.
EXT. PRAIRIE/FLATTENED AREA – CONTINUOUS
Rosa leads Gertrude into a flattened area, kind of an open-air room. Magdalene hunches on the ground, back to them, doing something devious.
As Gertrude draws near, Magdalene abruptly turns — there’s a man’s pipe in her mouth.
GERTRUDE (in German): Magdalene, you’ll get sick.
MAGDALENE: It’s not tobacco, it’s sage. The Dakota smoke it ward off evil spirits. Try it?
She extends the pipe to Gertrude, who refuses. Rosa takes it and puffs away.
Suddenly, the grass is whipped by a VIOLENT WIND. The sun is darkened by clouds. The songs of birds and insects are silenced.
After a moment, the WIND DIES to dead silence. Nothing moves. Then CRUNCH… CRUNCH… CRUNCH… footsteps approach.
The girls instinctively converge and wait. The grass parts and a STRANGER steps into the flattened area. He wears the thigh-length coat and knee-high boots of a surveyor. A wide brimmed had shadows his face.
-
Chuck Czech’s Level 3 Horror Emotion Scene
I learned that as a writer, you should not be afraid of hysteria. I find it tougher to watch a character get tormented than to write a character get tormented. The emotions described in the lesson provide structure and meaning to the torment. Another fun lesson!
INT. KAY’S DUPLEX/LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Ty and Rudie emerge from the bedroom wearing pajamas. Kay’s in the kitchenette monitoring a microwave oven POPPING POPCORN.
TY: Game night — I call the game! Risk.
RUDIE: No, Ty, I call it. Connect Four.
TY: Baby game.
KAY: Stop teasing. How about something in the middle? Battleship.
TY (to Rudie): Something Mom can understand.
DOORBELL. Rudie instinctively runs to the front door.
KAY: Slow down, sweetheart! What did I tell you — always look first.
Rudie moves a stool in front of the door and peers through the peephole.
RUDIE: It’s Cam!
KAY: Cam?
Rudie unhooks the chain and twists the handle. The door is instantly shoved inward, knocking Rudie onto her butt.
It’s not Cam — it’s Cam’s severed head — in the hands of the Machinist. The possessed man drops the head and steps inside.
Rudie scrambles behind Kay and clutches her leg. Kay sees her gun on the side table. So does the Machinist. Does she go for the gun or guard her children?
The microwave’s timer BEEPS but it keeps cooking. The POPPING trails off.
Kay presses Rudie into Ty’s arms directly behind her. Like one unit, they edge toward the side table. The Machinist slides in the same direction, his feet smearing Cam’s blood.
Kay and the children drift back into the kitchenette, toward a block of knives. The Machinist mirrors their move.
The popcorn is burning now. Smoke oozes from the oven door.
KAY: Ty, you remember the shortcut to the street? Take your sister.
Kay draws a butcher knife from the block. The Machinist smiles. Kay and the children edge toward a low window adjacent to the kitchenette.
Shaking, Ty works the window’s locks. He strains to crack it open.
The Machinist steps forward. Kay raises the knife. Ty squeezes through the cracked window. Then the window SLAMS SHUT, trapping Ty outside. Invisible fingers re-lock the locks.
Then all the doors SLAM SHUT and drapes are violently closed. One by one, light bulbs BURST and darkness envelopes the duplex. Streetlights peeking through the drapes emphasize the smoke.
The microwave stops cooking. BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP. Kay’s eyes meet the Machinist’s. The Machinist’s eyes look down on Rudie.
Just then, the SMOKE ALARM SCREECHES and the duplex’s SPRINKLERS kick in. Kay takes this moment of confusion to scoop up Rudie and heave herself against the bedroom door. It gives. Then it violently SLAMS against her, stunning her. She drops Rudie into the bedroom, then presses her whole weight on the door to CLICK it shut.
INT. KAY’S DUPLEX/CHILD’S BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
Kay locks the door, jams Ty’s desk chair under the knob, then slides his desk against the chair. She heaves Rudie’s mattress on top for good measure.
The Machinist POUNDS ON THE DOOR with the violence of a battering ram.
Kay hears a MUFFLED VOICE — Cheryl is outside the window POUNDING ON THE CLOSED SHUTTERS.
Kay tries to open the window — no good. She hurls a unicorn lamp against the glass — but amazingly it has no effect. The glass begins to frost, obscuring any sight of Cheryl.
Kay pushes Rudie into the corner and grabs the broken lamp, brandishing it like a weapon.
The bedroom door BEGINS TO SPLINTER.
KAY: Stay brave, sweetheart. I love you!
Kay hears a POUNDING ON THE BEDROOM WALL. Cheryl is on the other side! Kay squares herself to the wall and kicks it with her heel. The cheap sheetrock cracks. Kay kicks again and again and again. A hole forms. We can see Cheryl pulling bits of sheetrock from her side of the duplex.
The bedroom door gives. The mattress falls.
Kay pushes Rudie head first through the hole — Cheryl pulls her through to the other side. Rudie’s clear!
Kay jumps to her feet, the broken lamp ready. But there’s silence. The Machinist has stopped his assault on the bedroom.
KAY: Shit!
She clumsily jumps over the mattress, onto the desk, then squeezes through a ragged hold in the door.
INT. KAY’S DUPLEX/LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Kay snatches her gun from the side table. Checks it. Then notices Lemech’s rosary. She grabs it.
EXT. ENTRANCE TO CHERYL’S DUPLEX – CONTINUOUS
Kay tries Cheryl’s front door. Sealed. She HEARS RUDIE SCREAMING inside.
KAY (crying): No! Dear God, no!
Kay FIRES THREE BULLETS into the door handle. She tries it. Solid as rock. Another SCREAM — this time CHERYL.
Kay’s trembling, hysterical. She glances around for any clue to help. She notices the rosary wrapped within her fist.
KAY (whispers): Please… please…
Rosary in hand, she gently presses the door handle. It turns. Kay launches herself against the door and stumbles in.
INT. CHERYL’S DUPLEX/LIVING ROOM- CONTINUOUS
Kay falls to the floor and witnesses a nightmare. Rudie cowers in a corner staring up at Cheryl, who’s Levitating in the air, her limbs splayed wide, her head thrown back in agony.
Still on her side, Kay FIRES THREE SHOTS — all hitting the Machinist’s ribs. Good clean body shots. Blood spatters, his jacket smokes. But the Machinist stays on his feet, unbothered.
The Machinist gestures and Cheryl falls to the floor. Rudie, crying, crawls to Cheryl and hugs her.
The Machinist rotates toward Kay, his legs unmoving as if he was on a carousel. The Machinist’s face now bears the demonic visage we’ve seen before.
Kay’s eyes widen. Then narrow. She FIRES THREE SHOTS into the Machinist’s face, tearing through his cheek, shattering his jaw. But his eyes remain fierce and focused.
The Machinist gestures and Kay is lifted to her feet by invisible hands. Another gesture SMASHES her against the ceiling, cracking the plaster, expelling air from her lungs. And another gesture pounds her against the ceiling again — this time causing the gun and rosary fall from her limp hands. A third, punishing gesture rams Kay against the ceiling one more time, breaking bones and drawing blood.
RUDIE (hysterical): No more…
The Machinist rotates toward the girl, then skims across the floor to stand over her. His ruined face is twisted in triumph, his lips purse for an evil kiss.
The front door CREAKS, prompting the Machinist and Rudy to turn.
Becca stands at the entrance, silhouetted by the streetlights. Without taking her eyes off the Machinist, she stoops down, picks up the rosary and disappears before our eyes.
-
Chuck Czech’s Level 2 Horror Emotion Scene
I learned the subtle differences of emotions within a horror movie. Another fun assignment.
Here’s an Act 2 scene where the two main characters are looking for clues to a missing girl and learn that the World Between is more complex and dangerous than they imagined.
INT. ROADHOUSE – NIGHT
Kay and Becca survey the Thursday night crowd — a sea of pool players and dart throwers. Young, horny people having a good time.
BECCA (speaking above the music): All these extroverts in one place — it’s what I have nightmares about.
KAY: You don’t have to do this.
Becca gives her a determined look, then disappears into a restroom. Kay pushes into the crowd, conspicuously the oldest person in the room.
ON BECCA – THE WORLD BETWEEN
Becca emerges from the restroom and observes the altered landscape. In this realm, the room is a web of shadows and the music is a MUFFLED ROAR. The PATRONS are deathly pale and their eyes are covered by a black paste-like substance.
KAY (O.S. – over the radio, crackling): You see anything?
BECCA: It’s exactly how I imagined the inside of a bar.
Becca sees burn marks everywhere — across the floor, up the walls, even scattered on the ceiling. Decades of sinful activity.
BECCA: It’s like the inside of an oven.
Becca pads to the dance floor and watches ghoulish dancers writhe about. Then she freezes — she spots a GRAY FIGURE across the dance floor standing stock still. Gathering courage, she moves in the Figure’s direction.
KAY (O.S. – radio): Becca, you there? What’s going on?
Becca loses sight of the Figure — it seems to have disappeared. She looks around and spots the Figure in another part of the dance floor. She moves in that direction — but loses sight of it again.
KAY (O.S. – radio): Talk to me — I don’t know how to get you out of there.
Becca squeezes off the dance floor, now looking nervous. She again spots the Figure, this time in a corner, its back to her, facing a couple female patrons.
As Becca prowls closer, details emerge. The figure is slim, emaciated. Its bald head and naked back are covered by rough, leathery skin. Then abruptly, its head turns causing Becca to jump back — it has no face, no eyes or nose, just a sucker-like mouth. The Figure fades from Becca’s view.
She scans the room and sees MULTIPLE GRAY FIGURES appearing and disappearing among the patrons. They lean close to people’s faces as if sucking a bit of their breath.
BECCA: I’m not alone. There are… things here. You can’t see ’em. They’re ugly… and they seem to be sucking the life out of people.
KAY (O.S. – radio): Come back, Becca. Get out of there!
Becca’s eyes drift to the floor and she spots the same monstrous footprints she saw at the second crime scene.
BECCA: I think I found something…
Becca forces herself to follow the footprints.
-
Chuck Czech’s Level 1 Horror Emotion Scene
I learned that having a palette of emotions really helps craft a scene and encourages you to add some zest to the storytelling; writing this assignment was fun!
SCENE SET UP:
The following scene is the inciting incident of the supernatural horror story The World Between. BECCA WEAKS is a timid college student who has the ability to disappear into an adjoining dimension that allows her to see the spirit side of our reality. (Think of Frodo Baggins when he puts on his ring.) KAY LUND is a criminal investigator at a rural sheriff’s department who wants to solve a backlog of cold cases she’s been saddled with. Prior to this scene, Becca was on a university archeological dig and, while she was hiding in the other dimension, uncovered a critical piece of evidence. Kay’s been pressuring Becca to reveal her secret, though she tends to be skeptical of any psychic phenomena.
EXT. DIG SITE – DAY
Kay and Becca stand at the boundary of the crime scene, the police tape CRACKLING in the wind. This looks like an ordinary piece of ground except for the hole Becca had dug and the evidence card planted next to it.
KAY: Here you go, kid. Show me how you were able to find a tiny ID tag here — when you were all the way over there.
She points to the archeological dig site, which now stands idle. Becca looks at the site longingly, then turns back to the crime scene.
BECCA: I told you what I can do. I was, you know, in the other place, and I saw it plain as day. Little details jump out when you’re on the other side.
KAY: ‘When you’re on the other side.’ So how does this work? You meditate? Look for a sign? Take the blue pill?
BECCA: I can’t do it with you looking.
Kay sizes up Becca — is this young woman off her rails?
KAY: All right. I’ll wait by the truck. On the outside chance you find something, just give a shout. Don’t disturb anything. Got it?
ON KAY as she turns and walks toward the SUV. From this angle we see that she’s alone — Becca is not where we just saw her.
KAY (mumbling to herself): Great work, Lund. This is the big break we’ve all been waiting for…
Kay pops open the SUV’s hatch, where her gear is neatly stowed. She removes her beltpack radio, and for a second is tempted to check in — but then decides against it.
BECCA’S P.O.V. searching through tall grass. In this realm, the view of the world is distorted, tinted green, and SOUND IS MUFFLED as if we’re underwater. Becca follows a trail of blurry footprints that glow red, as if they were burned into the ground.
BACK TO SUV/KAY – Kay’s briefcase is open and she’s thumbing through some folders of police reports and victim photos.
BECCA comes to the end of the footprint trail, where she finds a nest of glowing disturbances. There was a struggle here.
KAY is fixated on a photo — an 8th grade portrait labeled “Anita Harms”. Kay absently reaches for a bottle of soda — but before she twists it open she’s distracted by a dramatic change of atmosphere — clouds darken the sun and harsh winds VIOLENTLY RUSTLE the grass and trees.
BECCA is on her knees brushing away dirt and detritus, as if she’s peering into a frozen lake and brushing snow off the ice. The buried object is becoming clearer.
KAY, looking a little spooked, watches the wind die. All is quiet. Menacingly quiet. Then PHHIT! the soda bottle overflows and shoots liquid all over the case files.
KAY: Shit!
Mortified, Kay watches as Anita’s photo bends with the contact with the liquid, her young features bleeding…
BACK TO BECCA – CLOSE ON the buried object coming into focus — a human skull — its jaws open in a silent scream! Becca petrifies and SCREAMS at the top of her lungs.
ON KAY throwing down the soda bottle and racing toward the crime scene.
KAY: Becca? Becca!
She freezes. Listens for Becca’s SCREAMS.
Becca lies crumpled in the tall grass, her body heaving. Kay gently pulls her up and assesses any injury.
BECCA (pointing): There! THERE!
Kay looks at an ordinary piece of ground.
EXT. TALL GRASS – MOMENTS LATER
Kay uses an emergency snow shovel to break ground. She chips away at the sod… then reaches black dirt. Becca rises and stumbles away.
KAY: Don’t go anywhere, sweetheart…
BECCA: I can’t stay!
Kay lets her wander off. Then resumes digging. She resorts to scooping dirt with her hand. She feels something. Digs harder. Then brushes away dirt to reveal… a skeletal hand encircled with a charm bracelet.
-
Chuck Czech’s Horror Outline Version 1
This approach to assembling a screenplay from the components of the genre might be an efficient way to produce results — but for me it was easier said than done. The components in my story were disconnected enough to expose big gaps in my plot which needed to be written from scratch. In the end, what I learned is that this was a great start but you still have to do the hard work of writing the outline.
PROLOGUE
EXT. GERMAN SETTLEMENT/CHURCH – DAY
At an 1845 German Catholic settlement, a procession of churchgoers carrying a large wooden crucifix emerges from a country church. Their prayers are meant to drive evil from the land.
A trio of bored teenage girls break off from the group.
EXT. PRAIRIE
When the young women experiment with smoking a pipe, they are confronted by a silent STRANGER, who kills one girl with his bare hands. He stalks the other two among the dense prairie grasses and kills them one by one. In doing so, he reveals a demonic face and seems to suck the life from their bodies through a horrific kiss.
Realizing the girls are missing, the churchgoers drop their crucifix and rush into the prairie to search for them.
ACT 1
EXT. ARCHEOLOGICAL DIG – DAY
Present time. The painfully shy BECCA WEAKS participates in a university archeological dig aimed at unearthing artifacts from the region’s pioneer past.
When classmates push Becca to talk to MARCUS, a guy she admires, she surreptitiously disappears from sight. Becca’s POV shows that she can see her classmates but they can’t see her.
When hiding in this distorted alternate dimension (which we’ll call the World Between) Becca discovers a child’s ID tag buried in the dirt, hidden from view in the real world.
After returning to the real world, Becca’s anthropology professor DR. GLENN GEISSLER takes an interest in the ID tag.
EXT. KAY’S SUV — DAY
KAY LUND drives her two kids to school. It’s established that she’s divorced and trying to shield the kids from an abusive ex-husband.
She’s running late for her job at the Sheriff’s Department, so she uses her emergency police lights to cut in front of other moms waiting in their cars to drop off their children.
INT. SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT — DAY
Investigator CAM DRURY tags along with Kay on her way to her desk in the File Storage Room. It’s established that Kay is a new investigator and Cam has a crush on her. Cam teases her that rookies get boring assignments.
INT. FILE STORAGE ROOM — DAY
Kay tells Cam that she enjoys her job and shows him a map detailing the location of missing persons reports from decades past. She senses a pattern to the disappearances, but Cam tells her she’s wasting her time — the real police work is in the here and now.
Cam produces a package he said Geissler had dropped off for her — it contains the child’s ID tag. Kay recognizes it and produces a crime file she believes it’s related to.
EXT. ARCHEOLOGICAL DIG SITE — DAY
Kay and Cam show up at the dig site wanting to talk to Becca about the ID. But Becca sees them first and begs her classmates to drive her away.
Kay is stymied and tries to look for more clues without success.
UNIVERSITY CLASSROOM/CAMPUS GROUNDS/STUDENT UNION — DAY
Kay tries to meet Becca as she leaves Geissler’s classroom, but she invisibly slips by.
Kay intercepts Becca as she follows Marcus across campus. “Becca Weaks? You’re a hard girl to find!”
Kay drills Becca about how she was able to uncover the ID tag. After some pressuring, Becca admits that she has the ability to disappear into an alternate dimension. Kay is skeptical and demands a demonstration.
EXT. ARCHEOLOGICAL DIG SITE — DAY
Against her better judgment, Becca joins Kay at the place where the ID was found. Becca disappears into the World Between and follows visual cues in the landscape to the skeleton of a young girl, whom Becca can see is buried underground.
Becca returns to the real world, hysterical. Following her directions, Kay unearths a portion of the skeleton.
EXT. ARCHEOLOGICAL DIG SITE — LATER
Law enforcement and news media swarm around the hole in the ground, looking for more evidence.
Kay’s boss, LIEUTENANT SORENSON, demands Kay explain how the girl’s remains were found. Kay lies and says they got lucky. Sorenson also asks why a civilian was on site. Kay lies again and tells him Becca is considering an internship with the department.
INT. KAY’S SUV — MOVING — DAY
Kay drives Becca home. She says she now believes in Becca’s powers and invites her to help with additional missing persons cases. She’d set it up as a department internship.
Becca turns her down, wanting to avoid trouble. Kay relates how she survived an abusive marriage and educated herself to become an investigator. She pressures Becca to overcome her doubts and use her powers for good.
INT. SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT — DAY
During a team debriefing, the identity of the skeleton is identified — Anita Harms, who went missing 30 years ago. Her pediatrician was accused of murdering her but was never convicted.
Cam is assigned to go with Kay to interview the pediatrician. Cam congratulates Kay on her discovery but is suspicious about the circumstances.
INT. MENTAL INSTITUTION — DAY
Kay and Cam interview former pediatrician DR MARVIN LEMECH. We learn that Lemech had been suspected of a series of crimes but was never convicted due to lack of evidence. At the time, he voluntarily committed himself to this Catholic mental institution where he’s been living ever since.
Kay tells Lemech he’ll be arraigned for Anita’s murder, but his case would be helped if he provides information about the three other missing children.
Lemech admits to knowing Anita, but says he’s not guilty of any crimes. Curiously, he asks about Becca, whom he saw on the TV news, but Kay and Cam give him no info.
After the interview, Kay asks Cam why he thinks Lemech, once an atheist, would have chosen a Catholic institution. “A guy like that would exploit anything to save his own skin.”
INT. UNIVERSITY CLASSROOM — DAY
Kay visits Dr Geissler to finalize the internship papers. In discussing Becca’s abilities, Geissler explains that the concept of alternate realities adjacent to our reality is common to many cultures.
He cautions Kay to take the subject seriously and not dive in above her head.
INT. BECCA’S APARTMENT — DAY
Kay drops in on Becca and pressures her to sign the internship papers. The goal is to find the remains of three missing girls from 30 years ago. Becca reluctantly agrees.
ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN
INT. FACTORY— DAY
While operating machinery, a MACHINIST exhibits paranoid behavior towards his co-workers.
INT. MACHINIST’S HOME — NIGHT
While doing drugs, the Machinist is bothered by supernatural occurrences — disembodied voices, bumps in the night, his computer replaying the same piece of violent porn.
Collapsing, he has visions of a demonic figure descending on him.
EXT. CRIME SCENE #1 — DAY
Kay drives to the place where they believe one of the missing girls had been kidnapped. Becca explains she’s able to see traces of violence in the World Between – footprints, scratch marks, body contact — as if hateful acts burn wounds into the landscape.
While in the World Between, Becca finds traces of a violent act but it looks like it involved two adults and not a child. Though not the crime they’re investigating, it’s still a sobering discovery.
EXT. CRIME SCENE #2 — DAY
Kay experiments with her police radio so the two can communicate while Becca is in the World Between.
Becca finds signs of a struggle between a girl and a man, as described in Kay’s case file. Becca also discovers a set of misshapen footprints, which frightens her.
INT. FACTORY – DAY
The Machinist’s behavior is more extreme and insubordinate. He gets revenge on a co-worker who’s been harassing him.
INT. KAY’S HOME – EVENING
Becca joins Kay and her two kids for a home-cooked dinner. We meet their protective neighbor CHERYL, who lives in the adjoining duplex.
Becca reveals to Kay that she never had a real family — she was the victim of an abusive mother and alcoholic father. She alludes to a childhood incident in which led to her younger sister’s death.
Kay’s skeevey ex-husband MITCH arrives and Becca witnesses how Kay fearlessly stands up to him.
EXT. SMALL TOWN – NIGHT
The Machinist stalks and kills a young woman later identified as Christine Santiago.
INT. SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT — DAY
Sorenson announces the disappearance of Christine. Sensing that this fits the historical pattern of missing persons, Kay requests to be added to the investigation. Sorenson assigns it to Cam and orders Kay to stick with her current assignments.
EXT. KAY’S SUV – DAY
Sticking with their cold case files, Kay and Becca decide to investigate a location in another county.
INT. ROADHOUSE — NIGHT
They arrive at a crowded roadhouse — which makes Becca nervous since she typically phases into the World Between while alone.
Inside the World Between, Becca is overwhelmed by the environment’s ominous appearance — everyone’s eyes are covered and blind, lost spirits mill about unseen among the patrons, ghostly vermin crowd around people’s mouths. She is horrified by this sinister spectacle.
Talking through the radio, Kay orders Becca to return, but Becca decides to move deeper into the roadhouse.
Becca watches the spirits and vermin depart as something approaches — the Demon, which hugs the Machinist’s back like a parasite.
Becca follows the Demon from a distance, watching it scope out the crowd for potential victims. It zeroes in on a young woman, EVE, who’s being bullied by her boyfriend, KEV.
When Kev departs for the restroom, the Machinist approaches Eve. Trying to intervene, Becca throws rocks at the Demon with no effect. Then just as the Demon is upon Eve, Becca gives it a shove, enraging it. The Demon detaches from the Machinist and begins pursuing Becca.
Running for her life, Becca alerts Kay to the Machinist. When Kay tries to detain him for questioning, the Demon returns to possess him and knocks out Kay. This prompts other patrons to attack the Machinist, but the Demon overwhelms them with super strength and the ability to levitate them.
During the melee, Kev and Eve escape out a back door. The Machinist is not far behind.
EXT. KEV’S TRUCK/CUL-DE-SAC — NIGHT
Kev pulls into a lonely cul-de-sac where he scolds Eve for making eyes at the Machinist. As he tries to assault her, the Machinist pulls up in his own truck. The pair square off and Kev is brutally killed. The terrified Eve is cornered by the Machinist, who moves to suck the life out of her.
INT. ROADHOUSE — NIGHT
Having returned the real world, Becca helps Kay to her feet. She says the Machinist left through a back door.
EXT. KAY’S SUV/CUL-DE-SAC — NIGHT
While searching for Eve and Kev, Becca gets a sick feeling that the Demon is nearby. She directs Kay to drive into the dark cul-de-sac, where they discover Kev’s empty truck. Becca notices Eve’s abandoned makeup case. They search the area and find Kev’s mutilated body in a culvert.
EXT. CUL-DE-SAC — LATER
The site has been roped off as a crime scene by local law enforcement. From inside Kay’s SUV, Becca holds onto Eve’s makeup kit as she watches Kay interact with the local sheriff.
INT. SORENSON’S OFFICE — DAY
Sorenson is peeved that his least experienced investigator was involved in an altercation and murder in another county. Kay warns Sorenson that another cycle of murders has started, but he doesn’t want to hear her theories. He decides to dissolve Becca’s internship and reassign Kay to desk duty.
Exiting the meeting, Kay tries to makes plans with Becca, but Becca says the internship’s suspension might be for the best. She refuses a ride home, saying she has plans.
EXT. CHURCH GRAVEYARD — NIGHT
In a remote church graveyard, the possessed Machinist buries Eve’s body and slides a stone on top as if to make sure she’ll stay put.
INT. FILE STORAGE ROOM – NIGHT
Kay adds two more pins to her map of missing persons cases. She examines Anita Harms’ file and decides to phone the mental institution.
INT. MENTAL INSTITUTION — NIGHT
Kay demands more information from Lemech about what happened 30 years ago. Lemech agrees to talk under one condition — that he’s not removed from the mental institution for any reason. Lemech explains that he had been possessed by a demon years ago, and ever since he’s been living in this religious building as protection.
He says the perpetrator of the decades of crimes is an ancient Demon bound to this region. European settlers tried driving it from the land, so it pushed back by taking innocent victims from every generation of their descendants, keeping them under his sinful influence.
Kay wants to know where the three missing girls are, but Lemech refuses to say more.
INT. SHERIFF’S OFFICE — DAY
Kay pleads with Sorenson to prevent Lemech from being removed from the mental institution, saying she’s worked out a deal for him to share the locations of three missing girls. Sorenson says she’s too late — a deputy is already on his way to pick up Lemech.
INT. DEPUTY’S VEHICLE — DAY
Lemech, handcuffed and clutching a rosary, nervously rides away from the mental institution. He sees demonic figures hiding in the shadows outside the vehicle.
INT. COUNTY JAIL — DAY
As Lemech is admitted into the jail we notice the Demon clinging to the ceiling, watching.
Kay arrives and tries to talk with him before the brusk JAILER locks him up. Lemech says the only thing she can do for him now is to arrange for a priest to take his confession. She promises to do so and Lemech gives her a clue: “Bern.” “Burn? Like something’s burning?” “It’s a place.” The Jailer cuts short their time.
INT. UNIVERSITY CLASSROOM — DAY
Kay tries consulting with Geissler about the meaning of Lemech’s clue, but the professor resists, fearfully telling her that he never expected to become involved in murders — her investigation is stirring up darkness. Kay pressures him and the only thing he could think of is a 19th century settlement called Bern.
INT. LIBRARY — NIGHT
Kay tears through old maps to find Bern’s location and transposes it to her GPS.
INT. INTERCUT COFFEE SHOP & COUNTY JAIL — NIGHT
Becca is on a date with Marcus, her classmate from Act 1. She seems to be gaining courage.
A Catholic PRIEST takes Lemech’s confessions, which shakes him to the core. After the Priest departs, the Demon possesses the JAILER, who opens Lemech’s door and beats him to death.
At the moment of Lemech’s death, Becca has a violent, frenzied reaction, totally freaking out Marcus and everyone in the coffee shop. It seems she’s psychically connected to the Demon.
INT. COUNTY JAIL — NIGHT
Kay arrives to find Lemech’s corpse. She surreptitiously picks up his dropped rosary.
She calls Becca, who’s devastated from her bad episode. Now they’re both determined to root out the evil that’s been plaguing the region.
EXT. BERN — NIGHT
Kay and Becca arrive at what looks like a piece of empty prairie, but as they search around they find the foundations of a church — the one from the prologue.
Becca phases into the World Between and discovers dozens of skeletons from past decades buried underground, each contained under a slab of granite. She finds the bodies of Christine and Eve next to an empty grave. There’s one more murder in this cycle.
Becca tells Kay the Demon’s intent — take three victims, one for every day Christ was in the tomb, and bury them where they could never rise again. It’s a mockery of God.
Kay can’t reach anyone on the radio, so they decide to leave.
EXT. GRAIN ELEVATOR — NIGHT
On their return journey, the Machinist ambushes them and runs them off the road. They come to a stop at an idle grain elevator.
The Machinist lures Kay over an open underground grain bin, trapping her. He then pursues Becca.
Becca runs for her life — eluding the Machinist by phasing into the World Between — where she is chased by the Demon — so she phases back to reality — right into the arms of the Machinist, who assaults her.
Kay emerges from the bin and shoots at the Machinist, chasing him away.
INT. HOSPITAL/EMERGENCY — NIGHT
Kay brings Becca to an emergency room. She’s barred from seeing her.
INT. HOSPITAL/PATIENT ROOM — DAY
Kay tries to visit Becca, but Becca isn’t receiving any visitors.
ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR
EXT. BERN — DAY
Several law enforcement agencies are involved in the exhumation of the Demon’s victims, including the FBI. It’s a complicated operation, with Kay at the center.
INT. SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT/INTERROGATION ROOM — DAY
Two FBI AGENTS quiz Kay on how she found the bodies, starting with the victims at Bern, then going back to Kev and Anita Harms. Kay is at first tempted to lie, but then tells the truth that Becca is psychic. The agents grow angry with Kay, so Sorenson steps in. He says he’s going to personally work with Kay to complete a report, trusting that what she says will be the truth.
INT. FACTORY/MACHINIST’S APARTMENT/ROADHOUSE — DAY
Cam is seen working with FBI agents trying to track the Machinist.
INT. BECCA’S CHILDHOOD HOME — DAY
Kay drops in on Becca, who’s now living miles away with her abusive mother. Becca says that she’s free from the Demon’s reach way out here. Becca admits she’s defeated and has determined that some kinds evil are impossible to stop, so we must learn to live with it.
INT. KAY’S HOME — DAY
Putting things in perspective, Kay goes home and gives love to her two kids.
INT. BECCA’S CHILDHOOD HOME — DAY
While going through a storeroom, Kay finds old toys and is reminded of the sister she lost years ago. She decides to give the World Between one more look.
While there, she challenges herself to psychically connect with the Demon and learns that his next intended victim is one of Kay’s kids.
She can’t reach Kay on the phone, so she reaches out to Cam — who doesn’t believe her but promises to check on her.
Becca commandeers her mom’s pickup and heads toward Kay.
EXT. KAY’S HOME — NIGHT
Cam stakes out Kay’s home, making sure it’s safe. He notices someone else staking out the house. Mitch. Cam shines a flashlight on him, which chases him away. Then the Machinist appears out of nowhere and kills Cam.
INT. KAY’S HOME — NIGHT
The Demon invades Kay’s home and goes after her daughter. They barricade themselves in a bedroom and dig through the duplex’s paper-thin walls for the kids to crawl through.
Cheryl takes command of the kids on her side of the duplex, but the Demon slams shut all the doors and windows.
Kay can’t break through the wall so she goes for her gun and radio in the next room. She fires into the locked front door but it remains fast. She hears her kids screaming inside.
Kay wraps Lemech’s rosary around her fist and manages to kick the door open.
Inside, the Machinist is standing over Cheryl’s corpse, who had positioned herself in front of the kids. The Machinist spins on Kay and levitates her, smashing her against the ceiling, stunning her and forcing her to drop the gun and rosary.
The Machinist prepares to suck the life out of the kids. But then someone steps through the front door. Becca. She picks up the rosary and disappears into the World Between.
In the alternate dimension, Becca throws herself onto the Demon, wrapping the rosary around its neck. It struggles fiercely, but Becca hangs on.
Kay comes to her senses to see the Machinist writhing in pain. She picks up her gun and shoots him dead.
The Demon disconnects from the Machinist and sprawls unmoving on the ground.
Becca reappears in the real world, mortally wounded. Kay comforts her but she dies.
Then they hear someone walking up the sidewalk and through the door. It’s Mitch. He surveys the scene, then lunges at the kids — he’s possessed! Kay tries wrestling him away but he pounces on her and strangles her.
Then Mitch freezes. He’s levitated into the air where he writhes in agony. Kay looks — Becca’s body and the rosary are missing. Mitch goes limp, then one by one, the doors and windows swing open and the lights come on. All is back to normal. Kay and the kids thank Becca for saving them, and Kay’s radio responds with a crackle.
NEW REPORTS
describe the numerous funerals following the recovery of the long-lost bodies.
EXT. CEMETERY
The Priest presides over a small memorial service for Becca; Kay and her children, Sorenson and some investigators, and some classmates are in attendance. Kay’s daughter asks why there’s no coffin, and Kay replies that Becca hasn’t really died and will always watch over them.
-
Chuck Czech’s Character Journey Track
What I learned: mapping out a character’s journey keeps them consistent throughout the story as they face ever-increasing challenges. This exercise is also good for fleshing out weak or stereotypical characters.
CHARACTER PROFILE: BECCA WEAKS
Role: Victim/Spirit Guide
Traits: Timid, introverted, easily cowed
Fears: Her mother and people like her — those who are loud, brash, abusive; she also fears confronting the pain of childhood abuse
Wants/Needs: Wants to prevent violence against women; needs to heal from a bad childhood experience that left her sister dead
Likability/Rooting factors: Becca’s desire to help overrides her fear of confrontation; she’s kind; wants to harm no one
How they react under stress: Hides
Relationship with other characters: She’s a fly on the wall, unlikely to mix it up with others; consequently, she has no solid relationships. She’s inspired by Kay to climb out of her shell and take part in the investigation.
CHARACTER JOURNEY: BECCA WEAKS
Character Intro: We first see Becca participating in a university archeological dig. When her classmates push Becca to talk to a guy she admires, she opts to disappear into a pocket universe, the World Between.
Denial: When Kay wants information on how Becca found a piece of evidence, Becca hides from her to avoid calling attention to herself.
Reaction at first horror: When Becca discovers the first corpse, she freezes and starts balling her eyes out; later, we learn that this reminded her of the loss of her sister as a child.
Relation to group after first horror: She joins Kay’s investigation as an intern.
How they fight back: Despite her fears, Becca undertakes more explorations of the World Between and uncovers more evidence; she discovers the Demon at work and even tries to stop him from harming someone; after the internship is dissolved by Kay’s superior, Becca chooses to work with Kay during off hours.
End Point: Becca chooses to confront the Demon to protect Kay’s daughter. This confrontation chases the Demon away but kills Becca.
Insight to their death: In order to make a positive difference in this corrupt world, you have to confront your inner demons and take a stand for what’s right.
CHARACTER PROFILE: KAY LUND
Role: Survivor/Investigator/Crusader
Traits: Take-charge attitude; confronts challenges head-on
Fears: Being irrelevant; not making a difference in protecting the innocent; failing in the eyes of her abusive ex-husband
Wants/Needs: Wants to break the cycle of violence against women; wants to prove herself as an outstanding investigator; needs to resolve the pattern of disappearances plaguing the surrounding region.
Likability/Rooting factors: Kay is an achiever, someone you can believe in. She’s a former patrol cop, former social worker, former women’s shelter volunteer, former battered wife.
How they react under stress: Tries to not let challenges slow her down; she confronts them head-on and keeps moving forward.
Relationship with other characters: At work, Kay is competitive and serious. At home, she tries to be nurturing to her kids but occasionally reverts to an authoritarian role. Kay becomes Becca’s boss, coach, mother figure, and friend.
CHARACTER JOURNEY: KAY LUND
Character Intro: We first see Kay driving her kids to school, straddling the roles of parent and cop. She uses her emergency police lights to cut in front of other moms waiting in their cars to drop off their children.
Denial: After Becca explains her ability to disappear into another dimension, Kay refuses to believe her and goads the young woman to demonstrate.
Reaction at first horror: After witnessing Becca miraculously locate a hidden corpse, Kay is initially thunderstruck. But seeing that this could render real results in hopeless cold cases, she quickly incorporates Becca into the investigation.
Relation to group after first horror: Kay keeps her methods hidden from her boss and colleagues, not wanting them to question her unorthodox investigation. With Becca, she becomes increasingly nurturing.
How they fight back: Kay uses Becca to uncover more evidence surrounding the generational murders. She tries to detain the possessed killer in a crowded roadhouse. Kay discovers the body of the first victim’s boyfriend. When Kay’s boss shuts down the internship, Kay convinces Becca to continue investigating.
End Point: Kay is ready to sacrifice her life in defense of her children, but instead, her protégé Becca arrives and defeats the Demon.
Insight to their death: Know the difference between inspiring someone and exploiting someone; don’t lose the humanity in that relationship.
CHARACTER PROFILE: CAM DRURY
Role: Survivor/by-the-book investigator
Traits: pragmatic and confident; sometimes tries to be more charming and sophisticated than he really is
Fears: brags he has no fears, but deep down he fears that he’ll not live up to his conception of a real man
Wants/Needs: he wants to solve high profile crimes to make a name for himself; he also wants to have a romantic relationship with Kay; he needs to have a perfect service record so he can continue climbing the ranks
Likability/Rooting factors: Though flirty with Kay, he is respectful; in one scene, he handles Kay’s kids with surprising charm and respect
How they react under stress: He prides himself in not getting rattled, even though he may be in over his head; when challenged, he relies on his training — anything can be handled with no-nonsense police work
Relationship with other characters: Still low in the ranks, Cam tries hard to integrate himself as one of the team; he’s quick to obey his superiors.
CHARACTER JOURNEY: CAM DRURY
Character Intro: We meet Cam as he trails Kay on the way to the cold case room; he chides her for being stuck with a dead end assignment.
Denial: Kay tries to explain the patterns she’s seeing in decades of missing persons cases, but he doesn’t want to listen as this sounds eccentric, not real police work.
Reaction at first horror: Cam is unaware of the supernatural elements in the discovery; his reaction to finding the first corpse is excitement since this represents progress on a difficult case.
Relation to group after first horror: As Kay and Becca pair off to perform their unorthodox investigation, Cam becomes concerned that his colleague is getting into something sketchy.
How they fight back: Cam confronts Kay about how she’s handling the investigation; he still rejects any hint of supernatural activities; when Becca drops out of the investigation, Cam joins Kay in tracking the killer.
End Point: Cam and Kay try to stop the possessed killer from harming Kay’s daughter; he recognizes that something supernatural is going on. Cam is wounded; he can’t be the hero to save the day.
Insight to their death: Working strictly by the book blinds you to all the possibilities of how the world works.
-
Chuck Czech’s Monster Reveal Track
This assignment helped me attempt to bring clarity to the character and motivation of the monster. If the antagonist’s plan is vague or unbelievable, the story suffers; if the plan is coherent and justifiable (in the antagonist’s eyes) then the plot will work better since it motivates the characters to take particular courses of action leading to a final confrontation. Not sure if I achieved that in my story, but I tried. Also, after watching The Thing again, I developed an admiration of the monster’s plan to take over the arctic base — it was sneaky and elusive, but viewing the film this time around it also seemed vulnerable and desperate.
Who is your monster and what is their terror?
My monster is an ancient demon who is ethereal to us but tangible in a spirit world that adjoins our reality. It was awakened by the influx of religious settlers to its home territory in the 19th century, and when they tried to exorcise it from the land it pushed back by possessing one of their men and murdering a group of young women. Since then, the Demon asserts its dominance over the settlers’ descendants by committing a series of three murders every generation. This not only vents its hatred of humanity but mocks their notion of resurrection.
Powers: Possesses people, induces people to kill and commit crimes; moves people and objects; manifests its presence with sounds and temperature changes; immortal
Limitations: Cannot physically exist in our universe; must inhabit others to carry out its violence against humanity; tied to a particular geographic region
Weaknesses: Cannot possess people in sacred sites or who are under the protection of religious symbols or artifacts; has never been confronted within the spirit world — Becca’s presence is new and unknown
Plan/Purpose/Appetite: The Demon wants to continue its reign of terror by killing three innocent victims from the current generation; it possesses an unassuming (though sociopathic) local guy to hunt down and kill vulnerable young women.
Sequence the Reveals
PROLOGUE
Demand: A stranger attacks three young women from a prairie settlement — why?
Monster Reveal: As the stranger kills the final victim, he briefly reveals a demonic face — something genuinely evil is afoot.
ACT 1
1. Demand: Becca demonstrates the ability to hide in a pocket universe where she discovers a young murder victim’s corpse.
Monster Reveal: We are introduced to the World Between, a spirit realm that retains the traces of violence inflicted by spiritual beings; Kay believes Becca’s abilities can help solve a decades-old pattern of crimes.
2. Demand: Who was behind this unsolved murder? Kay visits the man who was accused of the child’s disappearance thirty years ago.
Monster Reveal: Marvin Lemech has hidden himself in a Catholic mental hospital for the past thirty years; he’s curious about Becca and suggests there are dark forces at work; he warns them they’re playing with something worse than fire.
ACT 2
3. Demand: What dark forces is Lemech hinting at?
Monster Reveal: Unknown to the main characters, a quiet sociopath in a nearby town is possessed by a demonic force and begins a series of random crimes.
4. Demand: When investigating the World Between for clues into the murders, Becca detects misshapen footprints.
Monster Reveal: She knows she’s not alone in the World Between, and whatever else is there is monstrous.
5. Demand: The investigation leads Becca and Kay to a roadhouse where they perceive the Demon-possessed killer for the first time.
Monster Reveal: Becca witnesses the Demon targeting its next victim, a young woman, which reveals the true culprit behind the crimes.
6. Demand: Unaware she’s being stalked, the young woman escapes the Demon’s first attempt at capturing her due to Becca’s interference.
Monster Reveal: The young woman’s escape is brief as the Demon hunts her down and kills her and her boyfriend, demonstrating its viciousness.
MIDPOINT
7. Demand: Wanting to learn more about the Demon, Kay demands information from Lemech.
Monster Reveal: Because he wants to remain safe within the hospital’s walls, Lemech makes a deal and explains that he was once possessed, and from that experience he knows the Demon has been haunting the region for more than a century, taking victims from each generation to assert its dominance over the populace.
8. Demand: Honoring her deal with Lemech, Kay tries to keep him inside the hospital for his arraignment on murder charges.
Monster Reveal: Kay’s request is denied and Lemech is transferred to a county jail where the Demon is waiting and slaughters him for revealing its secret.
9. Demand: Lemech’s information sends Kay and Becca to the ruins of a desecrated church in the middle of nowhere.
Monster Reveal: Becca discovers the bodies of the Demon’s victims from past generations buried in the church’s graveyard; the abundance of corpses illustrates the Demon’s ongoing hatred of humanity.
10. Demand: Angry that intruders are on its turf, the Demon motivates the possessed killer to separate Becca from Kay.
Monster Reveal: The Demon isolates then assaults Becca; it’s satisfied to leave her broken instead of just killing her since it’s a particularly spiteful creature.
ACT 3
11. Demand: Becca tries to recover from the assault in her childhood home but can’t stop thinking about Kay and her family, whom she learned to love.
Monster Reveal: Due to her physical contact with the Demon, Becca becomes aware that the Demon’s next victim will be Kay’s young daughter — which leads to the climax.
-
Chuck Czech’s Character Death Track
What I learned: This lesson forced me to be specific and clear about the nature of the Monster. What exactly does it do and why does it do it? Every death in a story should have a meaning and the writer needs to craft how and why of each death. This will not only help define the character of your monster, but also that of the survivor and each victim and it will help clarify the theme of the story.
PROLOGUE
Character Death #1: The 1905 Easter Murders — three young women who’ve strayed from a church picnic
Why: This prologue event establishes the Monster’s MO: every generation the Demon targets three innocent residents — one for each day of Christ’s death-to-resurrection transformation — to demonstrate its own mastery of death and to mock the concept of a resurrection
How: The Demon chases the young women through the dense prairie grasses, subdues them one at a time, then sucks the life out of them with a horrific kiss
ACT 1
#2: Anita Harms — a child who disappeared 30 years before the time of this story
Why: Anita was the victim of Dr Marvin Lemech, a pediatrician-turned-murderer who became the Demon’s possession-host for a cycle of murders 30 years ago
How: Anita was strangled after being sexually abused by Lemech; during the present time, Becca discovers Anita’s corpse while exploring the World Between
ACT 2
#3: Kev — a controlling boyfriend
Why: He’s a monster in his own right who wants to keep Eve for himself
How: The Demon, while possessing the body of the killer, pulverizes Kev to death because he gets in its way
#4: Eve — a roadhouse patron who’s naive and vulnerable
Why: She fits the profile of the Demon’s victims — innocent lambs
How: After killing her boyfriend Kev, the Demon sucks the life out of Eve with a kiss
#5: Dr Marvin Lemech — an imprisoned pediatrician who, 30 years ago, was the Demon’s last possession host
Why: Revenge by the Demon for him spilling the beans to Kay about the demonic history of murder in their region
How: He’s slaughtered like livestock while in a jail cell; the Demon possesses an antisocial jailer to do the dirty work
#6: Unnamed Victim — similar profile as Eve
Why: She is the Demon’s second victim in this round of murders
How: She is discovered in an open grave by Kay and Becca when they explore the Demon’s hideout; her face bears the same frozen expression of horror as the previous victims
ACT 3
#7: Cheryl — Kay’s neighbor
Why: She tries protecting Kay’s innocent daughter; this demonstrates the viciousness of the Demon as it zeroes in on its final victim of this round of murders
How: Neck broken during a home invasion by the demon-possessed killer
#8: Becca
Why: She makes the ultimate sacrifice in protecting Kay’s innocent daughter from the Demon; she aims to preserve Kay’s family, something she didn’t have growing up
How: The Demon, while possessing the killer, stabs her with a butcher knife
#9: Mitch — Kay’s ex-husband
Why: Once the possessed killer is dispatched, the Demon decides to inhabit the next available host to complete its cycle of murders
How: Kay shoots him dead in defense of their daughter; Kay’s colleague Cam arrives in time to witness this as an act of self defense
Survivor: Kay Lund
Why: Throughout the story, Kay strives to protect her children and maintain the integrity of the family unit; Becca, a survivor of childhood abuse, recognizes the importance of her efforts and sacrifices herself to make sure Kay and her children survive
-
Chuck Czech’s Horror Situation Track
Even though my story is pretty loose at this point, this exercise got me thinking about how to construct specific scenes to maximize horror and structure the plot. I’m feeling more confident about the story unfolding.
ACT 1
In a prologue from 1905, a trio of teenage girls who’ve ducked out of church are stalked and killed by a stranger who, at the moment of attack, reveals a demonic face.
Situation: Menacing Stranger
Reaction: Escape — The girls try to run but are overtaken by the killer.
In the present day, Kay places the record of the 1905 incident into a large map that records missing persons over many decades; she senses a pattern but can’t put her finger on it.
Situation: Unknown Motive — What’s behind these crimes that occur periodically through history?
Reaction: Denial — Kay’s colleague Cam gives her a hard time, saying this isn’t real police work.
At Kay’s urging, Becca disappears into the alternate universe of the World Between to uncover hidden evidence of crimes, and while there alone she discovers the corpse of a girl who went missing thirty years ago.
Situation: Doing something forbidden — Up to this point, Becca has only used her ability to escape from embarrassment and abuse; Kay pushes her to use it more constructively even though it’s a frightening prospect.
Reaction: Solve — The goal of both Kay and Becca is to solve the missing persons cases, so they plow on with their investigation regardless of the horror.
ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN
The investigation leads Kay and Becca to a crowded roadhouse, and when Becca phases into the World Between, she’s able to detect significant demonic activity — which Kay cannot see, even though Becca says it’s surrounding her.
Situation: The only one who sees the monster — By using high-frequency transceivers, Becca can see and hear Kay, but Kay can only hear Becca — she’s blind to the demonic activity and is limited to what she can do.
Reaction: Solve — This scene paints a picture of a dark reality adjacent to ours, but they’ve committed themselves to get to the bottom of the crimes, so they plow on.
The Demon shows up and Becca witnesses its process of possessing an ordinary guy.
Situation: Face to face with the Monster — Becca is horrified by the Demon’s appearance but is determined not to flee; the Demon, for its part, doesn’t seem to notice or care about Becca.
Reaction: Hide — Seeing the monster for the first time, Becca keeps her distance. She’s able to witness an actual possession process, which in other movies happens offscreen.
Becca trails the Demon as it selects prey among the roadhouse patrons. When it corners an innocent young woman, Becca tries to intervene but is painfully rebuffed by the monster. She directs Kay, who’s still in the real world, to apprehend the possessed killer, but she is also overcome.
Situation: Helping a good person and being attacked
Reaction: Fight — Becca sees a bit of herself in the vulnerable victim, so she pushes herself to confront the Demon before it harms her.
The Demon (possessing the ordinary guy) trails the young woman, who has departed with her abusive boyfriend, and when it catches up with them, it kills them both.
Situation: Attacked
Reaction: Fight — The cocky, abusive boyfriend meets his match (and more) when trying to intimidate the demon-possessed killer.
Kay and Becca determine the Demon’s hideout is an abandoned church (the one from 1905) which is in the middle of nowhere. When Becca explores the World Between, she detects dozens of bodies from different decades buried underground, a sight that overwhelms her.
Situation: Being lured into danger
Reaction: Solve — I’m calling this “solve” because it’s part of their investigation, but the reaction would be more like “despair”: when Becca uncovers the gruesome results of the Demon’s work through the years, she’s overcome with emotion.
While exploring the church and grounds, Kay and Becca are separated. The possessed killer appears and chases Becca. Just as he grabs her, she escapes into the World Between — where she’s immediately chased by the Demon. This forces her back into the real world — right into the arms of the possessed killer. He assaults her.
Situation: Out of the frying pan
Reaction: Escape — This is a dark turn for Becca since her efforts to explore the World Between has led her into an inescapable encounter with pure evil. She tries using her ability, but it she can’t escape the Demon.
ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR
Hurt and angry, Becca quits the investigation and tries to heal at her childhood home miles away. Having given up on life, she takes on last look into the World Between, and while there she’s able to discern that the Demon’s next victim will be Kay’s daughter.
Situation: Friends in Danger
Reaction: Solve it — This is Becca’s low point and she’s ready to give up on life (either suicide or resigning herself to live with her dysfunctional family) but when she becomes aware that she knows the Demon’s next target she has to do something.
The Demon invades Kay’s home and goes after her daughter, killing a neighbor and wounding Kay’s ex-husband along the way. The Demon is ready to kill Kay too, but Becca arrives just in time to distract the possessed killer, allowing Kay to shoot him. In the struggle, Becca is wounded and later dies.
Situation: Attacked
Reaction: Fight — This is Becca’s moment of truth, when she risks everything for the sake of a loved one — an innocent girl who’s part of a family she never had.
With the killer now dead, the Demon possesses the ex-husband, who attacks Kay and their daughter; but Becca’s soul revives inside the World Between and attacks the Demon, forcing it to relinquish control of Mitch and flee back to the underworld.
Situation: Someone becomes the evil one — The audience is thinking the killer is dead and the Demon has no power in the scene, but Kay’s incorrigible ex is a convenient candidate for demon possession.
Reaction: Fight — Kay and Becca work together, one in this world and the other in the World Between, to dispatch a killer and end the Demon’s reign of terror; it’s the culmination of their journey together.
-
This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by Chuck Czech.
-
This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by
-
Chuck Czech’s Horror Plot
In this assignment I learned that defining plot points according to horror conventions offers the opportunities to flesh out characters and clarify the stakes. Up to this point I didn’t have a prologue or an Act 3, but the horror conventions helped to flesh out these portions of the script.
ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR
Atmosphere of Evil established
In a prologue from 1905, a trio of teenage girls are stalked and killed by a stranger who, at the moment of attack, reveals a demonic face.
Connect with the characters
Cold case investigator KAY LUND befriends college student BECCA LEAKS, who has the ability to disappear into an adjoining dimension whenever she feels pressure. Kay enlists Becca to explore this supernatural realm (called the World Between) to find hidden clues related to unsolved crimes Kay believes have supernatural origins.
Kay conducts her business from the Sheriff Department’s Cold Case Room, where we see her interacting with Becca and the other investigators CAM DRURY and LT SORENSON. The locations where Becca uncovers evidence also become group activity sites where all law enforcement characters are present.
When dealing with characters from Kay’s personal life – her kids, neighbor CHERYL and aggressive ex-husband MITCH — we see them assembled at Kay’s duplex home, as well as a scene inside her SUV on the way to school.
The characters are warned not to do it
Becca’s anthropology professor, GLENN GEISSLER, explains to Kay the concept of alternate realities, which is common to many cultures, but he cautions her to take the subject seriously and not dive in too quickly.
Denial of Horror
Cam scoffs at Kay’s insistence that 150 years of crimes are connected, but he goes along with her investigation because he’s attracted to her.
Safety taken away
Under Kay’s guidance, Becca begins searching the World Between for clues hidden from the naked eye. While in the World Between, Becca is on her own and vulnerable to whatever’s in there. She uncovers evidence of various ugly crimes committed through the years but not what they’re looking for. On a personal note, Mitch serves Kay with court papers challenging custody of the kids.
Monster: The nature of the beast.
As Kay and Becca begin their investigation, the DEMON possesses a local man, a MACHINIST, and begins hunting for its first victim in a new cycle of murders.
ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN
Isolated / Trapped / Abducted
Kay and Becca develop a way to communicate through police transceivers while the latter explores the World Between. Becca follows the Demon’s trail and witnesses it select a victim. She tries to intervene but touching the Demon causes intense pain.
One of us killed
As the Demon (possessing the Machinist) closes in on its First Victim, a CREEP wants the Victim for himself and tries to intimidate the Machinist. The Creep is killed in a gruesome manner and his body is disposed into a sewer.
MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought!
The Demon/Machinist kills its first victim of the cycle and buries the body in a secret gravesite. Becca senses this violence and collapses, suggesting a growing connection between the Demon and Becca.
Full pursuit by the killer
Kay and Becca track the Demon as it stalks its second victim; they come to realize they have no way to stop the demon.
Terrorized
They discover the Demon’s secret gravesite but are too late — the Second Victim lies in a grave. They also find scores of bodies collected over a decades-long reign of terror.
ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR
Fight to the death
The Demon, knowing he’s being trailed, turns the tables and begins chasing Becca through the World Between; when Becca phases back to the real world, the demon-possessed Machinist catches her and assaults her.
Hysteria
Becca quits the investigation and tries to heal in her family home miles away; but through her connection with the Demon, she senses that the final victim in the cycle will be Kay’s daughter Rudy.
The thrilling escape from death
The Demon stalks Rudy, killing Cheryl and wounding Mitch. The Demon is ready to kill Kay too, but Becca arrives just in time to kill the Machinist. In the struggle, Becca is wounded and then dies.
Death returns to take one or more.
When all seems resolved, the Demon possesses Mitch, who attacks Kay and Rudy; but Becca’s soul revives inside the World Between and attacks the Demon, forcing it to relinquish control of Mitch and flee back to the underworld.
Resolution
News reports describe the numerous funerals following the recovery of the long-lost bodies; but Kay, her children, Cam and Sorenson attend a small funeral service for Becca who they know will always be with them.
-
Chuck Czech’s Characters for Horror
I learned that audiences have certain expectations in how characters are defined, sorted, eliminated or saved, and following these patterns would make a story more acceptable and satisfying to them.
1. My CONCEPT is a police investigation into who or what is behind a rash of missing persons cases that have occurred in a rural region of Minnesota every thirty years for the past 150 years. The GROUP is a TEAM OF PROFESSIONALS, inside and outside law enforcement, who are involved in trying to solve cold cases in their vicinity. (That said, another potential group is a SOCIAL GROUP — the residents of the region who are the target of the demonic antagonist, which includes the team of professionals themselves.)
2. Whether we define the Group as a Team of Professionals or the region’s Social Group, the DYING PATTERN would be (B) — the characters experience the terror and survive together but one or two die during the course of the story.
3. CHARACTER IDENTITY/ROLE
LEADER: Kay Lund – Though approaching middle-age, she’s a rookie investigator who recognizes a pattern in her missing persons cases and (though she doesn’t understand what she’s dealing with) pressures a young medium to join an investigation before the pattern begins again. She’s risking someone else’s life for her own career advancement.
INTROVERT/LONER: Becca Leaks – A timid college student who’s developed a way to “disappear” into an alternate dimension; she proves to be the key to identifying the actual demonic perpetrator behind the crimes. She’s trying to make up for a tragic childhood decision that left her sister dead.
LOVE INTEREST: Cam Drury – An experienced investigator who’s several years younger than Kay but wants to be romantically involved with her. Because of this, he’s willing to partner with the less experienced Kay and entertain her outlandish theories about demon possession.
MORAL ONE: Lt. Kyle Sorenson – Senior Investigator who supervises Lund and Drury and grounds every investigative development in the concrete world of common-sense police work.
MORAL ONE: Dr. Glenn Geissler – Anthropology professor who’s a civilian consultant on the Sheriff Department’s cold cases; he acquaints Kay on the concept of a World Between, which many cultures worldwide have embraced as reality. Actually, Geissler acts as a kind of a sage or gatekeeper with inside knowledge about what might be going on.
Not technically part of the Team of Professionals, but influential characters in Kay and Becca’s stories:
MONSTER BAIT: Ty and Rudy – Kay’s kids from a failed marriage; they struggle as they witness their mom being absorbed in her law enforcement career while dealing with an incorrigible ex-husband.
MONSTER BAIT: Cheryl – Kay’s duplex neighbor; she pulls up the slack and looks after Ty and Rudy when Kay is preoccupied with police work.
-
Chuck Czech’s Terrifying Monster
From this assignment I learned that the monster is the driving force behind the story, and the more specific you can make its character and motivations the tighter the story.
Who is my monster? Like Pazuzu from The Exorcist, the monster from my story emanates from the Christian cosmology of demons — immaterial, able to possess and dominate human beings, intent on harming the innocent. But this one is territorial, somewhat like demons described in the Old Testament (e.g. the Prince of Persia); it has dominion over a particular region and exercises a generations-long pattern of evil acts.
Terror: My monster terrorizes a region of rural Minnesota and kills three people every thirty years, which cultivates a spirit of hopelessness and sorrow among the populace. To the locals, it’s a grim inevitability, a curse. The demon pursues its prey in the “World Between”, a mystical layer of existence between our reality and the underworld of demons. Here, demons are able to identify hosts for possession and observe and select prey. Their spiritual activities result in real-world murders and mayhem, which to us look like senseless crimes. We can stop a possessed killer, but we can’t stop the demon’s continued influence from the spirit world.
Mystery: How can the demon be detected and stopped before it commits its tally of three murders? What is it doing with its scores of victims from generations past?
Fear Provoking Appearance: Our main character, a kind of spiritual medium, has the ability to visit the World Between and observe demons in the act of possessing hosts and killing victims — so she sees the monster face to face in all its demonic glory. Also, when pursued, victims see horrific visions of the stalking demon as the barrier between our reality and the underworld of demons is bridged.
Rules: Demons cannot materially appear in our world, so they conduct their “dirty work” in the World Between. Our main character is the only person who can confront the demon while she visits the World Between — so she could conceivably thwart the demon’s work. However, the demon can murder her in the real world through a possessed killer, and if she’s captured in the World Between, she could be trapped there forever.
Mythology: As mentioned above, the demon commands an evil authority over a specific geographic region and wants to enthrall the residents in a culture of misery and dysfunction. As a fallen race of spiritual beings, demons are contemptuous towards humanity, who still hold a favorable place in Creation. Jealous, they aim to destroy, degrade and humiliate humanity.
-
Chuck Czech
I agree to the terms of this release form.
-
What I learned doing this assignment — characters have to be put under extreme pressure throughout the story, heightening emotions and leading to hysteria; the sample film I chose, It Follows, demonstrated an ongoing sense of dread
Title / Concept: It Follows — a young woman is stalked by a supernatural monster who will kill her unless she has sex with someone else
Terrorize The Characters: The main character is sexually assaulted, which begins her journey; the monster appears in ordinarily safe locations — classroom, living room, bedroom, beach house, school pool — and it could be anyone who walks by
Isolation: The initial victim dies alone on a beach; Jay is strapped to a chair in an abandoned building; she is stalked by a supernatural monster only she can see; Jay retreats to isolated locations to better see the monster approaching — empty park, remote cabin, deserted school
Death: Initial victim is mangled on a beach; Greg is killed after having sex with Jay
Monster/Villain: A malevolent spirit that hunts and kills people infected with its sex-related curse.
High Tension: relentless pursuit; unstoppable threat; sexual violation; attack at anytime anywhere; impending death
Departure from Reality: The monster often appears as people who don’t fit into the surroundings — an old woman in a hospital smock, a naked woman on the street, a naked man on the roof — and it calmly stalks its victims.
Moral Statement: Be careful who you have sex with.
3. Anything else you’d like to say about what made this movie a great horror film? The main character is always in peril – even after she follows the monster’s rules; things keep getting worse for poor Jay.
4. With your concept, fill in each of these Conventions for your story.
Concept: A rookie cop partners with a young medium to track an invisible demon who’s behind decades of missing persons cases.
Terrorize The Characters: The demon appears every thirty years and takes three victims; once the medium identifies the demon’s current work, she becomes its next target; the demon possesses a serial killer to stalk the medium, and then tries to trap her forever in the spirit world
Isolation: Once the medium becomes the demon’s next target, the cop is unable to protect her; the medium feels she’s on her own
Death: The cop and medium uncover the graves of dozens of victims who were taken from past decades; during the course of the story, the demon kills two victims and then targets the medium as its third victim; one of the men the demon had possessed thirty years ago is brutally killed when he spills the beans on the demon’s role in the missing persons cases
Monster/Villain: An invisible demon that possesses men to hunt and stalk women — three victims for every generation of the town it haunts
High Tension: Demon possession; serial killer; explorations of the spirit world
Departure from Reality: The medium is able to disappear into the spirit world, which is the domain of the demon; the demon possess people to do its dirty work in the real world
Moral Statement: You have to risk confronting your inner demons to be freed from an emotional prison.
-
Hello, everyone — I’m Chuck Czech and have written three spec screenplays along with about a dozen short scripts, all from different genres. I’m returning to writing after a few years and hope this class will help me become productive. My background is in television, mostly in the PBS world. I’m the least interesting, most ordinary person you’ll ever meet, apart from that one thing….
-
I sent a note to Customer Service…
-
Huey, would you be interested in trading feedback? If so, my outline is above. It’s a bit long — sorry, my second draft kept growing.
Chuck
-
Wow, John, thanks for the kind words. And thank you for taking the time to review my material. These are great catches — for some reason I was transposing names in this round of revisions. I’m open to any other feedback on areas you might have been confused or bored or thought I’d gone in the wrong direction. After reading my outline again, I’m seeing places where I could be a little more clear. And please, if there’s anything in my feedback on Ranger Vicki that needs clarification, just let me know. You’ve got a fun story cooking and hope you can take it to the next level.
Chuck
-
Thanks for sharing, John. I really enjoyed reading your outline THE TRANSFORMATION OF FOREST RANGER VICKI. It’s filled with interesting characters, unique ideas and plenty of action. Nobody has done a horror story like this, so it’s going to stand out.
I like Vicki a lot. She starts out as unsure and a bit clumsy but very capable, surviving an attack by poachers and then collecting evidence. In the end, it’s her dedication to her job (her care for animals) that leads her to become a transcendent figure. She has a really dramatic arc. And her assault on the poachers at the end lets the story come full circle.
I didn’t get as good a handle on other characters and this is most likely the result of the limitations of the outline format. Curtis seems like a solid guy, but he’s transformed into a monster early in the story and I couldn’t get a sense of the weight/meaning of that transformation. Same with Ian (although he turns out to be an alien). As you develop the story, it might help to think about their personality traits or the kind of relationships with Vicki to give them dimension.
The movie starts with action, which is good, and then we jump back “6 hours earlier”. I’m wondering if this chase scene is the most compelling scene to highlight in the opening moment. It just ends with her collapsing. She gets shot dead later on, which is something that doesn’t happen in a lot of movies (except maybe Sunset Boulevard).
I wanted to know more about Vicki’s world in Act 1 before she gets embroiled the government base. Getting shot at by poachers seems like a pretty serious thing — does she request help or does she head back to the ranger station to file a report and check in the evidence? These procedural scenes might help to define her strengths and weaknesses as well as her relationship with other characters.
Also, it took me a while to get a handle on what the Monster is. The first part of the story involved a drone/UFO, a translucent figure, a vicious monster, a mist and another vicious monster, along with robotic animals. That’s a lot to consume. What if you trickled out these events into separate horror situations, and then zeroed in on who the Monster is and what are its strengths, weaknesses and motivations?
I’m not a pro screenwriter, so take this with a grain of salt, but it seems that the beginning of Act 2 is really when Curtis and Ian infiltrate Candy Cane Mountain because that’s the point of no return. And the inciting incident — the scene that turns the main character’s world upside down — would more likely be the cow autopsy scene. Just a thought.
Biff and Babs are interesting characters that provide a unique perspective and some humor, but it would have been nice to get to know them earlier so their demise has more meaning.
Finally, I may have missed it but the UFO is introduced in Scene 31 as it’s being readied for transport. Since this the core of the base’s mystery, there might be an opportunity to introduce it more dramatically — perhaps with some suspense, shock or creepy moments.
Even with all these notes and food for thought, I enjoyed your outline. It’s extremely imaginative and would make a thrilling movie. Vicki came to life for me, from her initial clumsy tracking of the wounded eagle to her glowing eyes in the final shot. Her arc is something audiences will remember.
-
No worries. It was Independence Day. I’ll post my feedback under your outline above.
-
I reviewed your outline, John, and have some feedback. You want me to post it here or send an email?
Chuck
-
Sure thing, John. Thanks for reaching out. I won’t be able to provide notes until later this evening, though.
Chuck