Replies – Forums – Christi Falk

Christi Falk

Member

April 23, 2024 at 1:57 pm in reply to: Lesson 23

Hey Danielle, love this! Very witness for the prosecution! Now that you’ve come this far, feel free to message at christifalk1@gmail.com to connect with us! We only trade scripts on Proton but we use our Gmail to talk.

Christi Falk

Member

December 29, 2023 at 7:45 pm in reply to: Lesson 8

Absolutely! Don’t worry about it. We’ve got a writing group that will start up in January. Let me know if you’d like to join! Just a loose trading of scripts but good to work with other writers for a common goal!

Christi Falk

Member

December 16, 2023 at 4:02 am in reply to: Lesson 27

Christi Maximum interest Cycle 5 Revision

Sorry everyone! It’s so close to Christmas I didn’t have much to revise. Will be sending you both an email so we can discuss our new writing group!

Logline: Marcus and Carley have known each other for years but will soon discover they belonged together all along.

Essence: Marcus and Carly finally come to a realization.

The Home

FADE IN:

SHADY PINES RETIREMENT HOME

Carley, 60s, petite, sat at a games table in the active nursing home games room across from Marcus, 60s, lumbering frame as he hunches over a Scrabble board. NURSES smiled knowingly at them as they passed by.

CARLEY

Are you sure there isn’t a timer on this game?

MARCUS

I have to see the board standing up is all.

Carley looks absentmindedly at the room as ELDERLY patients with walkers and wheelchairs ambled past.

MARCUS

What’s wrong with you?

CARLEY

Always the charmer.

MARCUS

Sorry, just the last time I saw you this distracted, you were trying to decide whether to marry Frank.

CARLEY

I did marry Frank.

MARCUS

I’m sorry, I’m just saying…

CARLEY

Just take your turn.

Marcus plunks down letters onto the board.

MARCUS

Fleury.

CARLEY

Not a word.

MARCUS

Is too. It’s flurry but in french.

CARLEY

No other languages.

MARCUS

Then what was Bistro?

Beat.

CARLEY

Fine.

MARCUS

Seriously, what’s wrong?

CARLEY

I have to move.

MARCUS

To a different chair?

CARLEY

A different home. Frank sold the house while he was still alive and we’ve been renting from the owner. I found the paperwork yesterday.

Marcus sits down and looks at her.

MARCUS

You never knew.

CARLEY

No, so now I have to ask the kids if they can help me buy back the house or maybe move in here.

She looks around the nursing home.

MARCUS

Frank didn’t tell you?

CARLEY

Do you have an I?

MARCUS

Go fish.

Carley takes the bag of tiles and sorts through them, looking for her letter.

CARLEY

I don’t think this is the proper way to play.

MARCUS

We’ve just made a better way.

CARLEY

I’m tired of this game.

MARCUS

You can have mine. I have 3.

CARLEY

How on earth?

MARCUS

You can never have too many I’s.

Exasperated, she takes a tile from him. She still considers the tiles on her holder.

MARCUS

I bought it.

CARLEY

Bought what?

MARCUS

The House.

CARLEY

You what? Why?

MARCUS

Frank and I had a deal. I would look after you when he was gone.

CARLEY

Is that what these stupid games days are about?

MARCUS

You didn’t want to go sailing.

CARLEY

Couldn’t afford it.

They stared at each other as a Nurse came by, dropping a floral arrangement on the table beside them. She then smiled and moved on again.

MARCUS

You never knew?

CARLEY

Of course not, Frank never told me!

MARCUS

No, I meant, I’ve been in love with you for 40 years. And I think you love me too.

Marcus picks up her hand and kisses it.

FADE OUT.

Christi Falk

Member

December 16, 2023 at 3:38 am in reply to: Lesson 24

Christi Maximum interest Cycle 5 Revision

Sorry everyone! I was having crazy tech issues. I thought I loaded this already!

Logline: Marcus and Carley have known each other for years but will soon discover they belonged together all along.

Essence: Marcus and Carly finally come to a realization.

The Home

FADE IN:

SHADY PINES RETIREMENT HOME

Carley, 60s, petite, sat at a games table in the active nursing home games room across from Marcus, 60s, lumbering frame as he hunches over a Scrabble board. NURSES smiled knowingly at them as they passed by.

CARLEY

Are you sure there isn’t a timer on this game?

MARCUS

I have to see the board standing up is all.

Carley looks absentmindedly at the room as ELDERLY patients with walkers and wheelchairs ambled past.

MARCUS

What’s wrong with you?

CARLEY

Always the charmer.

MARCUS

Sorry, just the last time I saw you this distracted, you were trying to decide whether to marry Frank.

CARLEY

I did marry Frank.

MARCUS

I’m sorry, I’m just saying…

CARLEY

Just take your turn.

Marcus plunks down letters onto the board.

MARCUS

Fleury.

CARLEY

Not a word.

MARCUS

Is too. It’s flurry but in french.

CARLEY

No other languages.

MARCUS

Then what was Bistro?

Beat.

CARLEY

Fine.

MARCUS

Seriously, what’s wrong?

CARLEY

I have to move.

MARCUS

To a different chair?

CARLEY

A different home. Frank sold the house while he was still alive and we’ve been renting from the owner. I found the paperwork yesterday.

Marcus sits down and looks at her.

MARCUS

You never knew.

CARLEY

No, so now I have to ask the kids if they can help me buy back the house or maybe move in here.

She looks around the nursing home.

MARCUS

Frank didn’t tell you?

CARLEY

Do you have an I?

MARCUS

Go fish.

Carley takes the bag of tiles and sorts through them, looking for her letter.

CARLEY

I don’t think this is the proper way to play.

MARCUS

We’ve just made a better way.

CARLEY

I’m tired of this game.

MARCUS

You can have mine. I have 3.

CARLEY

How on earth?

MARCUS

You can never have too many I’s.

Exasperated, she takes a tile from him. She still considers the tiles on her holder.

MARCUS

I bought it.

CARLEY

Bought what?

MARCUS

The House.

CARLEY

You what? Why?

MARCUS

Frank and I had a deal. I would look after you when he was gone.

CARLEY

Is that what these stupid games days are about?

MARCUS

You didn’t want to go sailing.

CARLEY

Couldn’t afford it.

They stared at each other as a Nurse came by, dropping a floral arrangement on the table beside them. She then smiled and moved on again.

MARCUS

You never knew?

CARLEY

Of course not, Frank never told me!

MARCUS

No, I meant, I’ve been in love with you for 40 years. And I think you love me too.

Marcus picks up her hand and kisses it.

FADE OUT.

This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by Christi Falk.

Christi Falk

Member

December 13, 2023 at 3:04 am in reply to: Lesson 26

Sorry everyone. I’m so fried with work and Christmas I could barely get this one out. Probably doesn’t have half of the character traits but I’ll work on them better for the next pass.

Logline- Carley and Marcus have known each other for decades, and just now realization dawns.

Essence – Two widowers slowly realize they’re meant for each other.

Scene:

The Home

FADE IN:

SHADY PINES RETIREMENT HOME

Carley, 60s, petite, sat at a games table in the active nursing home games room across from Marcus, 60s, lumbering frame as he hunches over a Scrabble board. NURSES smiled knowingly at them as they passed by.

CARLEY

Are you sure there isn’t a timer on this game?

MARCUS

I have to see the board standing up is all.

Carley looks absentmindedly at the room as ELDERLY patients with walkers and wheelchairs ambled past.

MARCUS

What’s wrong with you?

CARLEY

Always the charmer.

MARCUS

Sorry, just the last time I saw you this distracted, you were trying to decide whether to marry Frank.

CARLEY

I did marry Frank.

MARCUS

I’m sorry, I’m just saying…

CARLEY

Just take your turn.

Marcus plunks down letters onto the board.

MARCUS

Fleury.

CARLEY

Not a word.

MARCUS

Is too. It’s flurry but in french.

CARLEY

No other languages.

MARCUS

Then what was Bistro?

Beat.

CARLEY

Fine.

MARCUS

Seriously, what’s wrong?

CARLEY

I have to move.

MARCUS

To a different chair?

CARLEY

A different home. Frank sold the house while he was still alive and we’ve been renting from the owner. I found the paperwork yesterday.

Marcus sits down and looks at her.

MARCUS

You never knew.

CARLEY

No, so now I have to ask the kids if they can help me buy back the house or maybe move in here.

She looks around the nursing home.

MARCUS

Frank didn’t tell you?

CARLEY

Do you have an I?

MARCUS

Go fish.

Carley takes the bag of tiles and sorts through them, looking for her letter.

CARLEY

I don’t think this is the proper way to play.

MARCUS

We’ve just made a better way.

CARLEY

I’m tired of this game.

MARCUS

You can have mine. I have 3.

CARLEY

How on earth?

MARCUS

You can never have too many I’s.

Exasperated, she takes a tile from him. She still considers the tiles on her holder.

MARCUS

I bought it.

CARLEY

Bought what?

MARCUS

The House.

CARLEY

You what? Why?

MARCUS

Frank and I had a deal. I would look after you when he was gone.

CARLEY

Is that what these stupid games days are about?

MARCUS

You didn’t want to go sailing.

CARLEY

Couldn’t afford it.

They stared at each other as a Nurse came by, dropping a floral arrangement on the table beside them. She then smiled and moved on again.

MARCUS

You never knew?

CARLEY

Of course not, Frank never told me!

MARCUS

No, I meant, I’ve been in love with you for 40 years. And I think you love me too.

Marcus picks up her hand and kisses it.

FADE OUT.

Christi Falk

Member

December 10, 2023 at 4:33 am in reply to: Lesson 12

Christi’s Marketing Campaign

What I’ve learned doing this assignment is I need to elevate the quality of my existing screenplays that are in the 1-5 Million budget mark before I can seriously approach a Producer or Manager.

1. There are many campaign ideas that are there so I’ll take the Linkedin one, something I’m already doing. Getting Actors freed from the mortifying AI scanning is very important to me. What if you were told you didn’t have a choice about having a body scan and then randomly showing up naked in a film you didn’t consent to? So what if they pay you for it?!? So, yeah. That’s my fight. Probably a stupid one but I feel like any fight that’s worth it is worth showing up for.

2. I will commit to regularly checking Linkedin for Producers that post. I will query them politely to see their stance on AI. When it’s not what I’m looking for, I will politely thank them and move on.

3. Same as above. I’ve already commented on a few posts and have interest but no bites yet. The year is young!

Christi Falk

Member

December 10, 2023 at 3:45 am in reply to: Lesson 11

Christi’s Query Letter Draft 2

What I’ve learned doing this assignment is that this script will wait until I’ve got more credibility with producers. It’s far too high a budget and I’m a nobody.

Query Letter:

Imagine you’re the great grandson of Agatha Christie, Grand Dame of the British Empire and you have one job: Maintain the Copyrights.

The one that got away? The Man in the Brown Suit.

What is it, you ask?

Orphaned and homeless but with a sudden stroke of luck, Anne Beddingfeld tries to endear herself to her late father’s friends while joining the hunt for stolen diamonds.

On her way, she meets an overbearing southern belle, a handsome but brooding stranger, a transgender agent of fortune and a morally ambiguous millionaire who wants to adopt her.

Pretty impressive for 1921, huh?

Now imagine you’re the great granddaughter of a British orphan that emigrated to Canada at 13 years old and have developed a talent that rivals the Grand Dame herself.

From the mind of Agatha Christie and updated by Christi Falk, a tale of love, loss and belonging in Public Domain that is powerfully relevant today.

If you’re interested, I’d be happy to send you the script.

If not, I have other features I would love to present in it’s place.

Contact Info XXXXX.

Christi Falk

Member

December 10, 2023 at 2:08 am in reply to: Lesson 10

EDIT: what I’ve learned is that the only producers accessible to me currently are the 1-5 million range. This means the story I’m working on will be for a later date. Bummer.

Christi’s Target Market

What I learned from this assignment is there are very few recent movies I can use for a reference as my genre isn’t often made. I’ve also learned I plunked down 125 bucks Canadian just to be told I need to put more money into IMDB pro to get contact info. Why does this feel like a pyramid scheme?

1. 5 or so movies:

Uncharted 2022 – Made for 120 million USD – WW gross- 407.1 million. Yeay for profit!

The Lady Vanishes- can’t find amounts but it’s okay because it’s over 10 years old. Producers probably long gone.

Lost City 2022 68 million USD budget – WW gross – 193 million.

Laura Croft 2001 – too old to consider producers. Probably dead by now.

2. Producers

Uncharted:

Ari and Avi Arad

David Bernad

Elise Callas

Robert J. Dohrmann

Neil Druckmann – Last of us is a credit- CANADA!!!!

Christoph Fisser – Germany

Ruben Fleischer

Alex Gartner

Henning Molfenter – Germany- has a production company

Asad Qizilbash- Last of us- pretty boy, may not have juice

Brian Relyea- one producer credit but pretty decent directing cred’s

Charles Roven – prolific producer

Charlie Woebcken- the man in Germany- President/CEO of Studio Babelsberg AG and Managing Director of the production services subsidiary Studio Babelsberg Motion Pictures as well as Babelsberg Film

The Lost City:

Sandra Bullock- I only list her as she has her own production company. Also, grew up in Germany. Interesting.

Liza Chasin – might be worth looking at a chick. No info online but that’s probably for her own protection.

Margaret Chernin – intern in 2004 so hopefully she’s fully grown now.

Jonathan Hook- or JJ – Just did the recent road house remake. Possibly a good option.

Wow, not alot of producers for this film. I’m guessing its all Sandy B.

K, now Actors:

Minks – Matthew Lilliard – unfortunately, he didn’t make anything that resembles my script so no producers would take my call.

Wentworth Miller- Probably have to go with someone like him for the trans character as Hollywood would rent their garments. Actually, he hasn’t done anything since COvid began. Hopefully not dead.

Suzanne- Christina Hendricks – She did the remake of Crooked House- an Agatha Christie so score! but it was made with a 10 Million budget. So, Can’t use the producers. 🙁

Eustache- Jonny Lee Miller – Did Mindhunters in 2004- cost 27 million and only grossed 21 million. That was a crime!

Duncan – Eddie Cibrian – Perfect for the role but loves the low budget fare 3-5 million.

Russell Crowe- Fits my budget but nothing in the past 10 years that would match the genre so no producers to mine.

This is going to be an uphill battle! Only other thing I can think is Brannagh’s attempts at Christie.

Well, Death on the Nile was 90 million and Haunting in Venice was 60 million. Still over 50 Million as I budgeted. I suppose he could be the foppish Eustache. Yup, will put him first in line.

Death on the Nile:

Kenneth Branagh

Mark Gordon

Judy Hofflund – Horror producer. Good to know!

Matthew Jenkins

Simon Kinberg

James Prichard

Mathew Prichard

Ridley Scott

Kevin J. Walsh – Producer/actor.

Haunting in Venice- I hesitate to use this as it departed from Christie to be a straight up Horror.

Duplicates are: Kenneth Branagh, Mark Gordon, Judy Hofflund, Simon Kinberg, James Prichard and Ridley Scott.

3. Title: The Man in the Brown Suit.

Logline: Orphaned and homeless but with a sudden stroke of luck, Anne Beddingfeld is thrust into an adventure at sea and a global hunt for missing diamonds. From the mind of Agatha Christie, a tale of love, loss and belonging written in 1921 that is still powerfully relevant today.

Genre: Action Adventure

My line of attack will be Branagh and friends. He’s got the budget and connections I need. My kingdom for some contact info.

This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by Christi Falk.

Christi Falk

Member

December 9, 2023 at 5:46 am in reply to: Lesson 9

Christi’s Phone Pitch

What I learned from this assignment is you can have the pitch ready but if you’re locked out of the platform, good luck getting ahead.

1. I will lead with the stong business hook that I’ve got a Public Domain Agatha Christie that’s a PG13 Action adventure and ready to go!

2. My Phone Pitch: I have an Action adventure titled the Man in the Brown Suit. It’s an updated public domain Agatha Christie that follows a newly orphaned girl on the hunt for belonging and a fortune in diamonds.

3.

budget- As it’s an Agatha Christie, 50 Million and up.

Main roles- it would be great to have no names as Agatha Christie is a big enough name but for the transgendered individual, I’ve always imagined Matthew Lilliard.

The script is currently 90 pages long.

Nobody but my writing group has seen the script.

fits the company- it fits the genre and cost of your previous productions XXXXX.

How does it end. It begins with death, the death of Carton that starts her adventure and ends with death- her running an archaeological site. Harry appears and offers her a new beginning, essentially the death of her old self.

Christi Falk

Member

December 6, 2023 at 4:15 am in reply to: Lesson 22

Christi’s Interest Scene

What I learned doing this assignment is creativity is the easy part.

Logline – When Granpa comes to stay in his room, Rusty vows to destroy him!

This was so obviously the War with Grandpa, I’ve just copied it here. Also, there wasn’t a page count restriction on this one so it went to 7 pages.

I used everything but D- put it in a more interesting setting. SInce it’s about his room- I couldn’t really move it.

The War with Granpa

THE WAR WITH GRANDPA

FADE IN:

INT. RUSTY’S BEDROOM – MORNING

A young boys bedroom. GRANDPA flicks the lights on, walks into the room and wakes RUSTY.

GRANPA

Hey Roomie, remember me?

Rusty takes a few minutes as he wakes.

RUSTY

Grandfather?

GRANPA

Hey with that formal stuff- Granpa!

RUSTY

Where’s Mommy?

GRANPA

She had to do some stuff early but I’m here. Some male bonding!

He rips the covers off Rusty.

GRANPA

So, head office first?

Rusty stands uncertainly and then walks to the bathroom and closes the door. Granpa waits outside until it’s opened again.

GRANPA

Didn’t flush, sport.

RUSTY

I use the potty.

GRANPA

At your age? Son of a Beach!

INT KITCHEN – MOMENTS LATER

Granpa walks into the immaculately cleaned kitchen as Rusty follows.

GRANPA

Okay, no hair of the dog for you!

He looks through the cabinets as Rusty looks down each hallway that leads to the kitchen.

RUSTY

Where’s Mom?

GRANPA

Doing something I’m not allowed to be there for.

He grabs a cereal box, pours some in a bowl and drops it infront of Rusty.

RUSTY

Mom always makes oatmeal.

GRANPA

Yeah, well, you’re not the only one in the universe any more.

He pauses.

GRANPA

Our age, decisions get made for us.

He stops as he considers a confused Rusty, then makes a realization. He goes to the fridge for the milk.

GRANPA

Almond milk! Son of a Beach!

He closes the fridge and takes the bowl away from Rusty.

GRANPA

I’d go to the store but they took my driver’s license away when your grandmother died, God rest her soul.

He makes the sign of the cross.

GRANPA

Alright, little man, we’re having something else.

He pulls out a box at the back of the cupboard along with a jar of syrup and begins the preparation.

A few minutes later, Granpa places two plates on the table then douses them both in syrup. He gives Rusty a fork and starts eating but Rusty just sits there.

GRANPA

What’s a matter? Don’t like pancakes?

RUSTY

Mom always cuts my food.

GRANPA

How old are you again?

Granpa gets up and picks up Rusty’s fork, making cuts with it until the whole pancake is cut. He drops the fork back down. Rusty picks it up and puts one slice in his mouth. His eyes light up with the sugar rush.

RUSTY

Mom never lets me eat sugar for breakfast!

GRANPA

Good huh? Old Gramps could do something right!

Rusty doesn’t smile at him but still eats the pancakes.

Just then, the phone rings. Granpa drops his fork and picks up the phone on the wall.

GRANPA

Yup… No idea. Probably in a drawer somewhere…Good thing you got a real one here to call…Yeah, he’s right here. Little man!

Rusty approaches as Granpa holds it to his head. Rusty holds it with both hands.

MOM

(o/s)

Rusty, sweetheart, how are you?

RUSTY

Where are you, Mommy?

MOM

(O/S)

Baby, mommy’s had to go and make some arrangements like we told you, remember?

Rusty focuses for a minute.

RUSTY

No.

MOM

(O/S)

It’s okay, honey. It shouldn’t be too much longer. Hand the phone back to grandfather.

RUSTY

Is he sleeping in my room now?

MOM

(O/S)

Not long, I promise. I Love you, sweetheart.

Rusty hands the phone to Granpa.

GRANPA

Yeah… Pancakes and syrup…Well, then you should’na had the fixins darlin…yes, he’s fine. I’m fine too, incase you wondered.

Long pause as Rusty stares at Granpa on the phone.

GRANPA

Yeah, you do whatcha gotta do, kiddo. The men are fine here.

Another pause then he hangs up and looks to Rusty.

GRANPA

Don’t ever get old.

RUSTY

Why?

GRANPA

Come on, little man, Truce. Lets get you dressed for the day.

Granpa drops the dishes in the sink then they head to his room.

INT. RUSTY’S BEDROOM – DAY

Granpa and Rusty look through his closet. Granpa pulls out some clothes and lays them on his bed.

RUSTY

Mom wouldn’t pick those.

GRANPA

Look, you’re mom’s not here. Clothes are clothes. Think I wanted to be wearing this today?

Points to his outfit, complete with suspenders and then gestures to a suitcase in the corner of the room.

GRANPA

Who even knows what’s packed.

Granpa turns to leave but Rusty panicks.

RUSTY

You’re not staying to help?

GRANPA

Right.

Comedy ensues as they both try to figure out dressing. Next a montage of the next few hours. Rusty leaves his toys out but Granpa artfully dodges them, etc.

INT. BATHROOM – DAY

Rusty stands in the bathroom, confused.

RUSTY

Granpa, where’s the potty?

Granpa appears at the door.

GRANPA

No little man of mine does his business sitting down.

He opens the bathroom cabinet and pulls out a stool.

RUSTY

But I really halfta go!

GRANPA

Then go.

RUSTY

That belongs in the kitchen.

GRANPA

Now it’s in the bathroom.

Rusty lines the stool up with the toilet and stands precariously on it.

GRANPA

Good. Seems big now but you got this. Aim right there-

He points to a spot in the bowl.

GRANPA

Don’t worry, I won’t leave.

RUSTY

I can’t go.

Granpa turns on the faucet. It works!

RUSTY

Now what?

GRANPA

Now, you shake it and put the mouse back in the house.

Rusty does as instructed, then flushes. Granpa looks over the toilet.

GRANPA

Good job! You hit the target on the first try. You’re a natural! Now – Oh, yeah, your Mom will want you to wash your hands.

RUSTY

But I didn’t get anything on my hands?

GRANPA

As long as you live with women, common sense doesn’t apply.

Rusty shrugs and goes to wash. He looks at the stool, then drags it to the sink. He grabs the towel and dries.

Just then, the front door opens and Mom calls out. Rusty runs from the bathroom with Granpa following.

INT LIVING ROOM – MOMENTS LATER

Mom and Dad are back, carrying a large package. Rusty runs into Mom’s arms and covers him in kisses.

MOM

Were you good for Granpa?

RUSTY

I can pee now in the toilet!

MOM

Wow, that’s um great.

She looks to Granpa, who’s just caught up in the room. He smiles.

MOM

Rusty, I’d like you to meet your new sister Rachel!

Dad holds out a bassinet with a squirmy little infant. Rusty looks in at her.

RUSTY

Son of a Beach.

Christi Falk

Member

December 3, 2023 at 7:10 am in reply to: Lesson 21

Christi Reveals

What I learned doing this assignment was to understand how to modernize it while being sensitive to today’s culture. I’ve recently read that there is a culture of sexual assaults on cruises that have been largely hidden.

Logline – Anne gets a knock at the door in the middle of the night and makes a split second decision to save a life.

Cover up Demand Reveal

He first appears to be a murderer at the train station, then Anne feels she must help him, Finally she realizes he’s a victim and she decides to help him.

The Man in the Brown Suit- P 17-19

INT. ANNE’S CABIN – EVENING

Anne wakes in her room, pushes her sheets off and rises in the dark. Moonlight from the port hole brightens the room. She walks closer to her door as she hears noises then a loud THUD.

ANNE

Who’s there?

She looks out the peephole but it’s covered. She latches the door and opens it a crack. The Man in the Brown Suit is slumped against her door.

MAN IN THE BROWN SUIT

Please, help me.

She tries to look into the hallway but can’t see past him.

ANNE

You! No, go away.

MAN IN THE BROWN SUIT

He’s coming. Please.. Please..

Anne pushes the door closed again, unlatches the door then steps back. The stranger falls forward onto the bed. She hesitates, then locks the door again and approaches him with the light switched on.

His shirt is half off and blood drips from a wound in his shoulder. She darts back to the door to look out the peep hole but the hallway is empty. She turns back to his unconscious form.

ANNE

How did you get that?

She picks up the receiver of the phone on the nightstand when there’s a KNOCK at the door.

She freezes, then puts the phone down and swiftly throws the blanket over him, dragging the body pillow on top.

She replaces the chain and answers again.

ANNE

Yes?

A STEWARDESS, 40s, matronly, stands in the hallway.

MINKS/STEWARDESS

My apologies, Miss, we’ve had reports of a drunken man on this deck.

ANNE

Oh no! Thank you, I’ll bolt my door.

The stewardess places a restraining hand on the door to prevent Anne from closing it.

MINKS/STEWARDESS

Miss, apologies but may I see inside your room to ensure he’s not there?

Anne wordlessly closes the door, then opens it showing the room. The body pillow masks his form.

ANNE

Do you want to check the bathroom?

The stewardess smiles to Anne as she turns to leave.

MINKS/STEWARDESS

Apologies for the interruption. I must say, you’re looking better Miss.

ANNE

Thank you, I appreciate you checking on me. Good night.

The stewardess is back in the hallway, looking in other directions.

MINKS/STEWARDESS

Good night.

Anne closes the door and locks it.

She pulls back the pillow to see the man in the brown suit, unconscious and bleeding from his shoulder. His shirt is off his shoulders and a stab wound is bleeding.

ANNE

Hello?

She feels for a pulse, then reaches for a first aide kit inside her suitcase. Confidently, she begins to clean then stitch the wound.

ANNE

It’s okay. I don’t have anyone either.

Once she finishes, she places a bandage on his back then sits uncomfortably in the chair and drifts off to sleep.

A few hours later, he stirs and Anne wakes.

ANNE

Hello.

He jolts up but then winces at his shoulder.

MAN IN THE BROWN SUIT

What did you do?

He grabs a shirt and puts one arm through a sleeve, throws it over the other shoulder.

ANNE

Hey, you came to me.

MAN IN THE BROWN SUIT

I thought you’d be…someone else.

He looks around the room then back at her.

ANNE

You’re welcome.

MAN IN THE BROWN SUIT

Thank you.

ANNE

My name is Anne. Anne Beddingfeld. What’s your name?

He’s sullenly silent while he opens the door a crack and peeks out.

ANNE

Okay, I’ll call you John.

He turns back to her in alarm.

ANNE

Oh, that is your name. Okay, what would you like me to call you?

MAN IN THE BROWN SUIT

Nothing! Forget you ever saw me.

ANNE

Here, or at the subway station too?

He closes the door, then lunges towards her and pins her to the wall.

MAN IN THE BROWN SUIT

Is that your game? You want the diamonds first? The bounty on me as well?

Her voice catches with the shock of his sudden movement.

ANNE

You- You’re wearing my blouse.

He looks down to see buttons on the wrong side. He stares at her a beat, then laughs and releases her.

HARRY

Call me Harry.

He shrugs off her shirt and picks up his wrinkled one.

ANNE

Okay.

He’s back to the door and looks out the peephole before he turns to her again.

HARRY

I didn’t kill her.

ANNE

Who?

HARRY

Forget you saw me.

He returns to the door, looks out and disappears into the hallway.

Christi Falk

Member

December 1, 2023 at 4:48 am in reply to: Lesson 20

Love it! I’ll actually be on vacation next week so I can spend some time thinking on that last part.

Christi Falk

Member

December 1, 2023 at 3:42 am in reply to: Lesson 20

Christi Falk’s Character Relationships

What I learned doing this assignment was Google sucks. There’s no way to find character traits online. I’m going to the library this weekend and find a book. Take that 50 billion dollar AI industry!

1. Anne: Introvert, Caring, Intelligent, Scrupulous

Harry: Loner, Passionate, Aggressive, Charming

Eustache: Sociable, Powerful, Rascal, Narcisistic

Suzanne: Outgoing, Blunt, Shameless, Benevolent.

Anne and Harry

Rapport – Introvert/Loner and Caring/passionate

Conflict – aggressive/scrupulous

Contrast – charming/intelligent

Competition – scrupulous/agressive

Subtext – He’s hiding who he is and she’s hiding her lack of past.

Anne and Eustache

Rapport – Scrupulous/rascal

conflict – narcisistic/caring

contrast – sociable/introvert

competition: narcisistic/scrupulous

Subtext – Anne hides her yearning for her distant father(and in a way Eustache models him) while Eustache hides his sinister nature.

Anne and Suzanne

Rapport: benevolent/ caring

conflict – blunt/scrupulous

contrast – outgoing/introvert

competition – intelligent/shameless

subtext – Anne has never had a female influence and secretly loves the attention while Suzanne knows Anne’s path has been dark and secretly dotes on her as a mother even though she bristles at the very thought of being thought of as that old.

3. Well, that’s the thing. Where be the Character helps? I’d say to elevate certain traits, I’d change:

Intelligent, narcisistic(mainly because that’s a tough one to spell) and benevolent(Probably blunt as well). Of course, what to change them to. My kingdom for some new words!

EDIT: Thanks for the book recommends, Susan! Okay, some better pairings:

Anne: Introvert, Caring, Scholarly, Scrupulous

Harry: Loner, Passionate, Aggressive, Charming

Eustache: Sociable, Powerful, Rascal, Scholarly

Suzanne: Outgoing, Cosmopolitan, Shameless, Softhearted.

Anne and Harry

Rapport – Introvert/Loner and Caring/passionate

Conflict – aggressive/scholarly

Contrast – charming/scrupulous

Competition – scholarly/aggressive

Subtext – He’s hiding who he is and she’s hiding her lack of past.

Anne and Eustache

Rapport – Scrupulous/rascal

conflict – Egomaniac/caring

contrast – sociable/introvert

competition: egomaniac/scholarly

Subtext – Anne hides her yearning for her distant father(and in a way Eustache models him) while Eustache hides his sinister nature.

Anne and Suzanne

Rapport: Softhearted/ caring

conflict – Cosmopolitan/Introvert

contrast – outgoing/introvert

competition – Scholarly/shameless

subtext – Anne has never had a female influence and secretly loves the attention while Suzanne knows Anne’s path has been dark and secretly dotes on her as a mother even though she bristles at the very thought of being thought of as that old.

I can see better options for scenes with these updates!

This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by Christi Falk.

Christi Falk

Member

November 29, 2023 at 2:21 am in reply to: Lesson 8

Christi Falk’s Pitch Fest Pitch

What I learned is to be brief and silence is golden!

1. My name is Christi and I specialize in Action Adventures.

2. The Genre is Action Adventure and the title is Agatha Christie’s The Man in the Brown Suit.

3. Orphaned and homeless but with a sudden stroke of luck, Anne Beddingfeld tries to endear herself to her late father’s colleagues while joining the hunt for stolen diamonds. From the mind of Agatha Christie, a tale of love, loss and belonging written in 1921 that is still powerfully relevant today.

4.

(A) The budget range would be high- approximately 50-100 million, possibly more.

(B) While there could be many known actors suited for the role, Agatha Christie’s name is so well known that this could be the chance to discover talent while saving the budget for the multiple locations/stunts.

(C) Acts of the story: Fresh from her father’s wake, Anne watches a man plunge to his death and uses his ticket for an all expenses paid cruise.

Allegiances are forged on ship when Anne tries to suss out her role in a diamond heist gone wrong. She chooses to protect a brooding stranger while attaching to an eccentric but amiable millionaire. Also, her future as a homeless orphan is at stake. Will she make a good impression at the BAA conference?

Anne is almost thrown overboard. She finds the diamonds but hides them. She kicks ass at the BAA lecture. She’s kidnapped!

Harry finds her, but she ends up rescuing them both. On the run, Harry finds his father was on the cruise after all! But wait, Anne’s surrogate father figure turns out to be the criminal mastermind everyone’s trying to catch. He still wants to adopt her!

She can’t choose between Harry and the Colonel so she says no to both. But wait, Minks! Reverend Chichester/Stewardess/Miss Pettigrew? Yes, very versatile secret agent who returns the diamonds as well as the reward on the Colonel.

Anne is Alone.

Harry finds Anne in Africa. He tries to propose but she stops him. Family isn’t something that can be rushed. He kisses her. The end.

(D) How does it end- Setup/payoff

It begins with death. Anne never knew her mother. Her father just died. Carton just died in front of her.

It ends in an archaeological dig. Anne is still in death but this time, thousands of years old. Harry finds her to offer her new life. She accepts.

(E) Credibility questions, what have you done? Nothing. Just work 10 hour days and write when I’m not sleeping. Don’t think that’s a thing I can put here.

Christi Falk

Member

November 29, 2023 at 12:38 am in reply to: Lesson 19: Exchange feedback on Mastery Cycle 4

Mike- excellent update! Great use of the first group of interest techniques- change the location to something more dramatic. Also, the use of something unseen was strong.

Loved Renee going spelunking in a dress!

You’ve really mastered the dialogue of these two. BRAVO!

I would just add that you don’t need to be afraid of silence- beats.

You Said you wouldn’t tell.

You Said he wouldn’t die.

That was a powerful exchange that could be minimized by a response so quickly.

All in all, amazing job!

Christi Falk

Member

November 27, 2023 at 1:54 am in reply to: Lesson 7

Christi Falk’s Query Letter

What I learned doing this assignment is to emphasize my uniqueness in selling a Public Domain draft.

Query Letter:

Imagine you’re the great grandson of Agatha Christie, Grand Dame of the British Empire and you have one job: Maintain the Copyrights.

The one that got away? The Man in the Brown Suit.

What is it, you ask?

Orphaned and homeless but with a sudden stroke of luck, Anne Beddingfeld tries to endear herself to her late father’s friends while joining the hunt for stolen diamonds.

On her way, she meets an overbearing southern belle, a handsome but brooding stranger, a transgender agent of fortune and a morally ambiguous millionaire who wants to adopt her.

Pretty impressive for 1921, huh?

Now imagine you’re the great granddaughter of a British orphan that emigrated to Canada at 13 years old and have developed a talent that rivals the Grand Dame herself.

From the mind of Agatha Christie and updated by Christi Falk, a tale of love, loss and belonging in Public Domain that is powerfully relevant today.

If you’re interested, I’d be happy to send you the script.

If not, I have other features I would love to present in it’s place.

Contact Info XXXXX.

Christi Falk

Member

November 26, 2023 at 3:57 am in reply to: Lesson 19: Exchange feedback on Mastery Cycle 4

Susan- Much much better! Love the tighening. Maxine seems stronger in this.

Also, very good addition of the 4 police officers. It escalates the violence but also shows they knew what they were coming for.

Just a note- you may want to change up the swear into something more graphic and shocking? A fascist is what a 12 year old would say. 15 year olds are more graphic with their swears. Or even something in another language? I had a friend growing up who firmly believed that if she swore in another language, it didn’t count. Lol.

PS- I didn’t mean to say that you don’t do anything all day but write. I’m sure you have a full day of things. I just mean that for me, I can’t wait not to do double shifts on a regular basis. I can’t wait to retire and when I do, I’m carving out atleast 2 days a week where nobody bugs me and I write nonstop!

Christi Falk

Member

November 26, 2023 at 3:49 am in reply to: Lesson 18

Title: Forever Home

Logline- Maxine is dealing with new roommate Renee, who lied about their living situation.

Essence-Roommates adjust their living expectations.

Trait I changed: Maxine’s. Tricky to Feline. I thought, this woman has the personality of a cat. Why not?

Forever Home

FADE IN:

EXT. SUBURBAN STREET – DAY

RENEE, 30s, perfectly set without a hair out of place, walks proudly towards her three story walk up. As she ascends the stairs, there’s a barely perceptible bulge in her coat. A SHADOW watches from her window.

Behind her, JOSIE and BOBBY, 28, a dink couple in their glory, call out.

BOBBY

Renee! You’re home early.

Renee turns on a fashionable heel to greet both with a thousand watt smile.

RENEE

Bobby and… Jenny.

JOSIE

It’s Josie.

Renee looks crestfallen.

RENEE

Josie of course. Why do I keep forgetting?

JOSIE

Only you know that.

Facade in place, Renee glances at the NO PETS ALLOWED sign on the front door before continuing her small talk.

RENEE

I just thought what a beautiful day to run a few errands.

BOBBY

How’s the crusade to change the bylaws.

Renee lets out a sigh. Her favorite topic.

RENEE

Tiresome but ultimately rewarding. There’s nothing better than knowing you’ve improved where you live.

JOSIE

That coat is looking a bit tight.

Bobby elbows her in the ribs. Renee smooths out the slight bulge.

RENEE

Why, yes, I have gained 3 and a half pounds since last winter but I still fit this coat.

She smiles as she looks at Josie and touches her own well tailored shoulder as she looks to Josie’s frayed coat.

BOBBY

Well, have a great weekend!

RENEE

Wait, you two, I forget my manners. Would you like to come over? I’d love to get your opinion on some new drapes I’ve bought. I can put on some mulled wine?

JOSIE

Really, no, thanks. We’ll take a raincheck-

BOBBY

We’d really love to come over we’re just-

JOSIE

So busy these days. Soon!

Renee smiles as they pass and she opens her door.

INT. RENEES APPARTMENT – MOMENTS LATER

The appartment is impeccably decorated in muted colours, mimicking the fall catalogues she has strewn on the coffee table.

Renee closes and locks the door, then slowly opens her coat and cat food is strapped to her waist. She slowly removes it and places it on the hall table as MAXIME, 7, Persian short hair feline, pops up from behind a chair then hides again.

RENEE

There you are, sweetums!

Renee places her coat tidily in the closet and switches her boots for slippers. She moves towards the chair, reaching down to pick up Maxine.

RENEE

Come on, Maxy boo boo. I know you don’t like hiding.

MAXINE

Hmmmpht.

Renee reaches out to stroke the cream coloured feline, coincidentally the same colour as the furniture, but she bristles at the touch.

RENEE

Still not for petting. It’s okay. I don’t care for it either.

Maxine then scatters under the furniture as a small noise comes from the heater.

RENEE

Sweetums, remember, we talked about this. It’s just the heat.

Renee walks to the kitchen and brings a bowl- straight up crystal fancy feast style- and opens the cat food into it. She places the dish on the table, then moves back to allow Maxine her space.

Maxine moves, slowly, checking every possible angle with stealth and grace, ending up on the table in record time. She SNIFFS then turns her head to the side.

Renee patiently waits, pretending not to watch. Maxine finally moves forward and nibbles, then devours the meal.

Another KNOCK KNOCK but not at the door. Maxine startles and jumps on top of the refrigerator.

Renee looks out her drapes to see WORKMEN removing a plaque from the building. She races to throw her coat and boots on, then goes to meet them.

EXT. BUILDING -DAY

Renee approaches the nearest WORKER, 50s, heavyset and clearly not caring.

RENEE

Excuse me please, what are you doing?

WORKMAN

Some crazy broad finally got this place to change policy. It’s going pet friendly.

Renee made a WHOOP of glee and ran back inside. The workers shook their heads and continued.

INT. RENEES APPARTMENT – DAY

Renee didn’t bother to properly place her coat this time but threw it over a chair and kicked off her boots, running to the kitchen barefoot.

RENEE

Who’s my best little baby? You are!

Maxine bristled at being manhandled off the fridge as Renee danced with him barefoot on her plush carpet.

FADE OUT.

Christi Falk

Member

November 26, 2023 at 1:22 am in reply to: Lesson 6

Christi Falk’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch

What I learned doing this assignment is to focus the main ideas of the plot for marketable attention.

1. Most unique about main character’s journey from a big picture perspective: It’s the story of a timid young orphaned woman who undergoes a tumultuous transformation.

2. How to tell it in the most interesting way possible:

Dilemma: Orphaned and penniless, Anne must choose between a life with a handsome fugitive or a morally ambiguous millionaire who offers to adopt her.

or

Anne needs to fill the vacuum left by her fathers passing but is it love she needs or accepting herself for who she truly is?

Main Conflict- Cruises are hard enough on their own but what if someone’s trying to kill you?

What’s at Stake – Homeless with a sudden windfall, Anne tries to focus on endearing herself to her late father’s friends while joining the hunt for stolen diamonds.

Goal/Unique Opposition – Orphaned and penniless, Anne does her best to make new friends while trying to avoid the various attempts on her life.

3. Elevator Pitch

I”ve updated an old Agatha Christie that’s become public domain. The new elements I’ve added to bring it to present have a US Copyright number.

Christi Falk

Member

November 25, 2023 at 10:45 pm in reply to: Lesson 5

Christi Falk’s Synopsis Works

What I learned from doing this assignment is the story is average but it’s provenance is the biggest hook.

Hooks:

1. The story starts with a bang- Carton accidentally dies in front of Anne. Was it an accident? Suicide? Murder? We can’t be sure.

2. Anne quickly meets eccentric characters, including a cross dressing soldier of fortune who seamlessly weaves in and out of the narrative.

3. Anne realizes Carton gave her the ticket meant for a murdered Russian dancer, placing her in grave danger.

4. Anne finds an unlikely ally in Harry, a handsome stranger who always seems to happen along when she’s in danger.

5. With no purpose or home, Anne fixates on the mysteries around her- Who killed the Russian dancer? Who stole the diamonds? Why is someone trying their best to get her out of the way?

6. After finally finding a semblance of human connection, Anne is crushed to discover the man she’s connected to as a surrogate father is actually, the Colonel, a world sought criminal mastermind.

Draft 1:

Imagine this: You have no money, no home, no family. A man you’ve just met at a bus stop gives you a ticket to a world cruise before falling to his death.

What would you do?

For Anne Beddingfeld, the solution was simple. Take the cruise to Greece, maybe meet up with her late father’s friends and find someone to take her in.

On her way, she collects an odd assortment of friends: An overbearing southern belle, a handsome but brooding stranger, a Reverend/Stewardess/Secretary/Soldier of fortune and a kindly British millionaire who offers to adopt her.

Now imagine the adventure you chose is perilous, lonely and a one way ticket?

From the mind of Agatha Christie, a tale of love, loss and belonging from 1921 that is still powerfully relevant today.

Christi Falk

Member

November 23, 2023 at 5:42 am in reply to: Lesson 17

Sorry for the delay everyone. I’m working some serious OT before Christmas. Money doesn’t grow on trees!

Title: Forever Home

Logline- Maxine is dealing with new roommate Renee, who lied about their living situation.

Essence-Roommates adjust their living expectations.

Trait I changed: Maxine’s. Tricky to Feline. I thought, this woman has the personality of a cat. Why not?

Forever Home

FADE IN:

EXT. SUBURBAN STREET – DAY

RENEE, 30s, perfectly set without a hair out of place, walks proudly towards her three story walk up. As she ascends the stairs, there’s a barely perceptible bulge in her coat. A SHADOW watches from her window.

Behind her, JOSIE and BOBBY, 28, a dink couple in their glory, call out.

BOBBY

Renee! You’re home early.

Renee turns on a fashionable heel to greet both with a thousand watt smile.

RENEE

Bobby and… Jenny.

JOSIE

It’s Josie.

Renee looks crestfallen.

RENEE

Josie of course. Why do I keep forgetting?

JOSIE

Only you know that.

Facade in place, Renee glances at the NO PETS ALLOWED sign on the front door before continuing her small talk.

RENEE

I just thought what a beautiful day to run a few errands.

BOBBY

How’s the crusade to change the bylaws.

Renee lets out a sigh. Her favorite topic.

RENEE

Tiresome but ultimately rewarding. There’s nothing better than knowing you’ve improved where you live.

JOSIE

That coat is looking a bit tight.

Bobby elbows her in the ribs. Renee smooths out the slight bulge.

RENEE

Why, yes, I have gained 3 and a half pounds since last winter but I still fit this coat.

She smiles as she looks at Josie and touches her own well tailored shoulder as she looks to Josie’s frayed coat.

BOBBY

Well, have a great weekend!

RENEE

Wait, you two, I forget my manners. Would you like to come over? I’d love to get your opinion on some new drapes I’ve bought. I can put on some mulled wine?

JOSIE

Really, no, thanks. We’ll take a raincheck-

BOBBY

We’d really love to come over we’re just-

JOSIE

So busy these days. Soon!

Renee smiles as they pass and she opens her door.

INT. RENEES APPARTMENT – MOMENTS LATER

The appartment is impeccably decorated in muted colours, mimicking the fall catalogues she has strewn on the coffee table.

Renee closes and locks the door, then slowly opens her coat and cat food is strapped to her waist. She slowly removes it and places it on the hall table as MAXIME, 7, Persian short hair feline, pops up from behind a chair then hides again.

RENEE

There you are, sweetums!

Renee places her coat tidily in the closet and switches her boots for slippers. She moves towards the chair, reaching down to pick up Maxine.

RENEE

Come on, Maxy boo boo. It’s just for a little bit longer.

MAXINE

Hmmmpht.

Renee reaches out to stroke the cream coloured feline, coincidentally the same colour as the furniture, but she bristles at the touch.

RENEE

Still not for petting. It’s okay. I don’t care for it either.

Maxine then scatters under the furniture as a small noise comes from the heater.

RENEE

Sweetums, remember, we talked about this. It’s just the heat.

Renee walks to the kitchen and brings a bowl- straight up crystal fancy feast style- and opens the cat food into it. She places the dish on the table, then moves back to allow Maxine her space.

Maxine moves, slowly, checking every possible angle with stealth and grace, ending up on the table in record time. She SNIFFS then turns her head to the side.

Renee patiently waits, pretending not to watch. Maxine finally moves forward and nibbles, then devours the meal.

Another KNOCK KNOCK but not at the door. Maxine startles and jumps on top of the refrigerator.

Renee looks out her drapes to see WORKMEN removing a plaque from the building. She races to throw her coat and boots on, then goes to meet them.

EXT. BUILDING -DAY

Renee approaches the nearest WORKER, 50s, heavyset and clearly not caring.

RENEE

Excuse me please, what are you doing?

WORKMAN

Some crazy broad finally got this place to change policy. It’s going pet friendly.

Renee made a WHOOP of glee and ran back inside. The workers shook their heads and continued.

INT. RENEES APPARTMENT – DAY

Renee didn’t bother to properly place her coat this time but threw it over a chair and kicked off her boots, running to the kitchen barefoot.

RENEE

Who’s my best little baby? You are!

Maxine bristled at being manhandled off the fridge as Renee danced with him barefoot on her plush carpet.

FADE OUT.

Christi Falk

Member

November 23, 2023 at 5:37 am in reply to: Lesson 16: Exchange feedback on Mastery Cycle 3

For Susan,

The scene was brilliant, hit all the notes, I really enjoyed it. I especially loved how you can set a tactile scene with the hooves beating. I could almost smell the place.

Also, and I know I’ve mentioned this before but you’ve got a real talent for writing female characters.

Great and very creative job! One of these times I should try to do the fantasy or sci fi turn.

Christi Falk

Member

November 20, 2023 at 4:31 am in reply to: Lesson 4

Christi Falk’s 10 most interesting things

What I learned in doing this assignment is the streamlining of big picture images to assist producers/managers in seeing the screenplays potential.

1. Hooks:

A) the hero is a sheltered orphan without a cellphone desperately looking for connection.

The villan is a millionaire playboy who finds her appealing and offers to adopt her.

B) opening scene hook

Startled, Carton falls down a flight of stairs to his death. John Wick he ain’t.

C) turning points:

Anne decides to use the dead man’s ticket.

Anne decides to help Harry instead of turning him in.

Anne is talked into giving her late father’s presentation.

Anne finds the diamonds but decides to protect them herself, despite Suzanne’s offer to help.

D) Emotional dilemmas:

Anne considers a proposal from an old friend- doesn’t love him, just tired of being alone

Proposal from Eustache- a murderer who tried to kill her but would replace the father figure she’s so desperately missing.

E +F) Major Twists and reversals:

Anne is nervous to travel but then is given the ticket of a lifetime

Anne thinks she’s meeting Harry but is kidnapped instead.

Anne is almost thrown overboard but then is rescued by Harry.

Harry shows up to propose but Anne makes a personal request instead.

G) Character Betrayals:

Villan turns from a benevolent character to showing his true nature.

Minks – embodies so many characters, his allegiance wasn’t known.

H- any big surprises?

Minks- multiple characters with complete arcs, and his reveal at the end.

Padgett seemed like the killer but was innocent.

Duncan’s dead son is alive!

Suzanne decides to get married again!

10 most interesting things:

1. Minks is a cross dressing agent of fortune.

2. Anne is a sheltered orphan out for adventure and catches an international diamond smuggler.

3. Agatha Christie public domain.

4. Action adventure script that’s PG-13.

5. Multiple exotic locations- Greece and ports of call.

6. 2 love stories, one for the old and one for the young.

7. It’s a murder mystery- who killed the Russian dancer? Who stole the diamonds? Why did they try to kill Anne?

8. Actual archeological sites are visited with current finds referenced- I’m happy to update with more recent discoveries closer to the shooting.

9. Carton kicks off Anne’s adventure by falling down a flight of stairs to his death. John Wick he ain’t!

10. Only one attempt to turn it into film(very low budget by its execution. Still, very hard working of them to try) and this can be much different in high budget land.

EDIT: So, realized I jumped ahead a bit. Fixing the top 10 based on the current exercise.

10 most interesting things:

1. Minks is a cross dressing agent of fortune.

2. Anne is a sheltered orphan out for adventure and catches an international diamond smuggler.

3. Anne’s sheltered life brings different behaviours and solutions- she doesn’t even have a cell phone.

4. The Villan is disguised as a benevolent character, even connecting on an emotional level with Anne.

5. Pagett seemed like the killer, but was innocent. Of killing, still a sexist bastard.

6. 2 love stories, one for the old and one for the young.

7. It’s a murder mystery- who killed the Russian dancer? Who stole the diamonds? Why did they try to kill Anne?

8. Actual archeological sites are visited with current finds referenced- I’m happy to update with more recent discoveries closer to the shooting.

9. Carton kicks off Anne’s adventure by falling down a flight of stairs to his death. John Wick he ain’t!

10. Anne’s headstrong reasoning gets her almost killed and kidnapped, only to be rescued by Harry.

This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by Christi Falk. Reason: fixed the exercise

Christi Falk

Member

November 19, 2023 at 1:39 am in reply to: Lesson 16: Exchange feedback on Mastery Cycle 3

For Mike – an interesting change up of the directions. I’m sorry I didn’t mention it when I first read it but I loved the uniqueness of Nancy’s voice the first time around. Much less moving parts in this one but then when more people are added it tends distract from the attributes. Sometimes they seem to pull the traits to themselves. Excellent use of surprise with the fire!

Christi Falk

Member

November 19, 2023 at 1:34 am in reply to: Lesson 15

QE Cycle 3 Revision

Not so much a revision as a repaste. Just couldn’t figure out where to emphasize things. I was also really sick this week so trying to catch up with everything. Also, it’s just incredibly disheartening to pour your heart into several independently different writing samples that we’re just not allowed the rights to. Never experienced this in a course before in my life.

Logline: Nancy and Squire are determined to complete their team building exercises, with disastrous results.

Essence: Two people work for their own success to the detriment of the other. There’s no I in Team but there’s definitely a C in Crazy.

FADE IN:

INT. CABIN IN THE WOODS – DAY

NANCY, 30s, in coordinated denim and flannel stands in the doorway beside SQUIRE, 30s, a breezy hunk holding a line full of fish. The one room cabin has a semi modern kitchen with plumbing facing a living room with a fireplace.

As they enter, the cabin door SLAMS shut behind them.

SQUIRE

So! Fish or fire?

Nancy grabs the fishing line from him and walks towards the kitchen counter.

NANCY

You can get the fire, hot stuff.

Squire smiles one of his million watt smiles and Nancy purposely doesn’t look.

SQUIRE

You think you’re immune to my charm but I see through you.

He takes off his jacket to reveal a figure hugging sweater, throwing it on the coat tree nearby.

SQUIRE

I know you made sure we were paired together.

Nancy places the fish on the counter and pulls out yellow rubber gloves from inside a cupboard, struggling to put them on.

NANCY

Relax, Romeo. When I saw the team building tasks, this is the only one that doesn’t involve outdoor activities. Easy access to indoor plumbing-

She gestures a gloved hand towards a doorway off the kitchen.

NANCY

Also, we’re sure not to be left for too long as the accounting twins have a thing for you.

Squire runs a rugged hand through his full head of hair then looks at the open fireplace. Nancy carefully unhooks each fish from the line and places them in one of the two sink basins in the counter.

NANCY

Do you know what you’re doing?

SQUIRE

Men have been lighting fires for centuries.

He surveys the woodpile then looks back at her as she places each fish in the sink.

SQUIRE

You’ve cleaned fish before?

Nancy snorts.

NANCY

How hard can it be. They spend their whole lives in water. Nothing cleaner than that.

SQUIRE

Great! More fish guts for you.

Nancy makes a face at him as she finishes placing the fish in the sink, then begins to look in the cupboards. Squire looks around the mantle and cubbies until he locates some matches. He looks to see if Nancy’s watching before placing the extra box in his jeans.

NANCY

Aha!

She pulls out a bottle of soap from below. Squire has lit the newspaper he crumbled with a match and is blowing on it, putting in twigs. The fire SNUFFS out.

SQUIRE

Okay, take two!

NANCY

You okay?

SQUIRE

Never better! Just getting a feel for her.

Nancy rolls her eyes at his shapely backside as she runs the cold water and puts the soap on the fish. The sink is filled to half capacity.

Squire crumples more paper and has more twigs this time. Again he lights the fire. Smoke builds in the cabin.

NANCY

Hey, shouldn’t that be going up a chimney or something?

Nancy is distracted as the fish begin to jump out of the sink. She SCREAMS as Squire finds and opens the fume hood. A WHOOSH as the fire is kindled and roars, taking Squire’s eyebrows with them.

They stare at each other.

NANCY

I could draw them back with an eyeliner.

A roar of an engine approaches.

FADE OUT.

Christi Falk

Member

November 16, 2023 at 2:38 am in reply to: Lesson 3

Christi Falk Producer/Manager

1. How would I present myself and my project to the Producer?

I would let the Producer know my availability and contact info for whenever something comes up with the script that needs altering. If I have a manager at that time, I would also ensure they have his contact info. I would ask what’s most important to them about this job.

I would let them know that I take my role seriously and if anything threatens the film not being made, please let me know as soon as possible and I’ll be happy to rewrite what we’re doing.

I would confirm who his proxy’s are and who not to listen to. I would ask for a direct line to him when someone offers conflicting instructions.

For the project, I would emphasize the well known IP and the PG13 script that is bound to secure the funds and attention needed to have the story completed. I would also say that there are many sequels that could be spawned that would not be Agatha Christie but of my own making.

2. How would I present myself and my project to a Manager?

First, I would present my completed Agatha Christie, my locked room mystery and my military Sci Fi ready to go. I would tell him that I’ve got several snips of papers and backs of envelopes that are current works in progress that can be made into Features.

I would let him know that money is important so I must work for a living until Screenwriting can replace the living I’m getting from my current job.
I would tell him my deal breakers and ask him for his. This is a legal partnership-possibly for a very long time- and we should both be comfortable.

I would confirm I’ll probably only be doing writing assignments as selling scripts post strikes and the current AI wars will be difficult.

What I learned today is that Managers and Producers go hand in hand to help the movie get made

This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by Christi Falk. Reason: forgot last bit

Christi Falk

Member

November 16, 2023 at 1:52 am in reply to: Lesson 2

Christi Falk’s Marketable components

What I learned doing this assignment is that I’ve got a pretty marketable script!

1. Orphaned and penniless, Anne Beddingfeld is thrust into the adventure of a lifetime on the high seas. If she survives, she may just find true love.

2. 10 components of marketability

A- Unique- A PG 13 adventure on a sailing vessel to Greece. An action adventure story of murder, diamonds, strong men, damsels in distress, cross dressing soldiers of fortune. It’s so old it’s new again.

B-Great Title- Relies on a Public Domain IP- I’ve called it, From Christie to Christi: The Man in the Brown Suit. Or I could just drop the first bit and it would still be recognizable.

C-True: N/A

D- Timely- Agatha Christie’s are being reinvigorated, despite whatever Branaghs doing. There is an appetite for her.

E- It’s a First – N/A

F- Ultimate – not really larger than life so no.

G- Wide Audience Appeal – Nothing says KaCHING louder than an action adventure that’s PG13.

H- Adapted from a popular book- Damn Skippy! Agatha Christie’s The Man in the Brown Suit. I’ve taken some liberties and removed a character that’s still under copyright in one of the later Marple stories.

I- Similarity to Box Office Success- I’d say most recently, Uncharted. It had a great story and we didn’t have to be subjected to a sex scene. I actually went to see that in the theatre. Packed house.

J-A great role for a bankable actor. Lets see:

Minks- plays two men and two women- same actor. Written in the 1920s. Take that wokety woke hollywood.

Anne and Harry- can be two young unknowns as it is a Christie movie.

Eustache and Duncan- middle aged men that have meaty roles.

Suzanne- a role for a 50s actress and a southern belle. Yup, they do exist.

3. To elevate just two of them, I’d chose H and J. It’s a public domain Agatha Christie in the US(fine print- everything is free 95 years after publication unless renewed). Guess her great grandson didn’t think the book was worth anything. I’m sure if approached, he would allow it. Or watch in dismay as it can’t be circulated in the UK but literally everywhere else.

Second to that are the roles: A meaty role for a man as a cross dressing government agent and soldier of fortune. Crying game anyone? Also, it’s time we got the next generation of actors. Find some twenty somethings that are willing to work and save buckets of money not having to de-age them.

Finally, it’s Agatha FREAKING Christie. I really shouldn’t have to explain it further than that.

Christi Falk

Member

November 16, 2023 at 12:36 am in reply to: Lesson 14

Christi Falk’s Max Entertainment Pt 2

Logline: Nancy and Squire are determined to complete their team building exercises, with disastrous results.

Essence: Two people work for their own success to the detriment of the other. There’s no I in Team but there’s definitely a C in Crazy.

FADE IN:

INT. CABIN IN THE WOODS – DAY

NANCY, 30s, in coordinated denim and flannel stands in the doorway beside SQUIRE, 30s, a breezy hunk holding a line full of fish. The one room cabin has a semi modern kitchen with plumbing facing a living room with a fireplace.

As they enter, the cabin door SLAMS shut behind them.

SQUIRE

So! Fish or fire?

Nancy grabs the fishing line from him and walks towards the kitchen counter.

NANCY

You can get the fire, hot stuff.

Squire smiles one of his million watt smiles and Nancy purposely doesn’t look.

SQUIRE

You think you’re immune to my charm but I see through you.

He takes off his jacket to reveal a figure hugging sweater, throwing it on the coat tree nearby.

SQUIRE

I know you made sure we were paired together.

Nancy places the fish on the counter and pulls out yellow rubber gloves from inside a cupboard, struggling to put them on.

NANCY

Relax, Romeo. When I saw the team building tasks, this is the only one that doesn’t involve outdoor activities. Easy access to indoor plumbing-

She gestures a gloved hand towards a doorway off the kitchen.

NANCY

Also, we’re sure not to be left for too long as the accounting twins have a thing for you.

Squire runs a rugged hand through his full head of hair then looks at the open fireplace. Nancy carefully unhooks each fish from the line and places them in one of the two sink basins in the counter.

NANCY

Do you know what you’re doing?

SQUIRE

Men have been lighting fires for centuries.

He surveys the woodpile then looks back at her as she places each fish in the sink.

SQUIRE

You’ve cleaned fish before?

Nancy snorts.

NANCY

How hard can it be. They spend their whole lives in water. Nothing cleaner than that.

SQUIRE

Great! More fish guts for you.

Nancy makes a face at him as she finishes placing the fish in the sink, then begins to look in the cupboards. Squire looks around the mantle and cubbies until he locates some matches. He looks to see if Nancy’s watching before placing the extra box in his jeans.

NANCY

Aha!

She pulls out a bottle of soap from below. Squire has lit the newspaper he crumbled with a match and is blowing on it, putting in twigs. The fire SNUFFS out.

SQUIRE

Okay, take two!

NANCY

You okay?

SQUIRE

Never better! Just getting a feel for her.

Nancy rolls her eyes at his shapely backside as she runs the cold water and puts the soap on the fish. The sink is filled to half capacity.

Squire crumples more paper and has more twigs this time. Again he lights the fire. Smoke builds in the cabin.

NANCY

Hey, shouldn’t that be going up a chimney or something?

Nancy is distracted as the fish begin to jump out of the sink. She SCREAMS as Squire finds and opens the fume hood. A WHOOSH as the fire is kindled and roars, taking Squire’s eyebrows with them.

They stare at each other.

NANCY

I could draw them back with an eyeliner.

A roar of an engine approaches.

Christi Falk

Member

November 14, 2023 at 4:38 am in reply to: Lesson 1

Christi Falk Project and Market

1. Genre: Action Adventure

Title: Man in the Brown Suit

Concept: A Public domain adaptation of Agatha Christie’s Man in the Brown Suit. Since it doesn’t have Poirot or Marple, the possibility of creating multiple movies is great.

I’ve removed the copyrighted characters within the book- Colonel Race was in some Marples in the 70’s- and created a new character with a modernized story that is intrinsically mine. It’s also gotten a clear copyright from the US copyright office (script from text).

2. A penniless orphan, sheltered from the world desperate for belonging, meets danger, treachery and possibly love. I’ve also switched Minks, the cross dressing character, from a villain to a government agent and soldier of fortune(bad guy to good guy).

3. I will target producers first because they are the ones who would buy my stories. Possibly an actors production company as they come with a cast. I’m not entirely convinced any representation is necessary, short of a good entertainment lawyer of course.

UPDATE: I think I’m switching this to a Manager. I would like a firewall around me while I work and it would be good to have someone who knows the changing social queues in every room.

4. What I learned today is that I can make a goal 3 months out! I’ve decided on a script sale. February 13, 2023. I’m confident that something will happen by that date if not the sale. Not jazzed about the try before you by optioning. Possibly representation if I can be convinced they’re worth it.

This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by Christi Falk. Reason: Changed mind about target

Christi Falk

Member

November 14, 2023 at 12:18 am in reply to: Introduce Yourself to the Group

My name is Christi Falk and I live in Edmonton, Alberta Canada.

I’ve written 3 features, one tv spec, a handful of shorts. I’ve only had one produced short.

I’m currently taking the Mastery class to double the quality of my writing and realized there’s no point on having superior scripts if nobody knows about them. I’d be the Beta in a VHS world.

A unique thing about me is that I don’t care about fame, just money. You can’t eat an Oscar! My dream is to find someone with a strong pedigree that can’t write a lick and get a 6 figure income from selling them my stories. Not sure if that qualifies as unique but it’s been strange to everyone I’ve met so far!

Christi Falk

Member

November 14, 2023 at 12:13 am in reply to: Confidentiality Agreement

Christi Falk

I agree to the terms of this release form.

In solidarity with the writers who have recently struck for over 100 days for all of us unpublished writers, I DO NOT consent to any of the works or communication I provide being used to train or search any AI system.

Christi Falk

Member

November 13, 2023 at 8:03 pm in reply to: Lesson 13

Christi Falk’s Max interest

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is identifying the skills I already have and incorporating the ones I’ve missed.

Scene in Anne’s cabin- Pg 16

Logline- Anne is finally settling to bed when the Man in the Brown Suit bursts into her room, begging for help.

Essence- This scene is the promise of the premise. She longs for adventure but so far has just gotten sick. Finally adjusting to the sea, she meets the man from the bus station but instead of running away, he asks desperately for her help. She has a split second decision to hide him or report him.

Interest techniques: Here’s the thing, I’ve used all of them and the scene still feels clunky. They were already in the scene before I took this course so yeay for instincts!

Hook- how often does a gorgeous stranger with a stab wound beg for your help?

Dilemma- she has to protect him or report him. Either way she doesn’t know enough about him to make an informed decision.

Predictions- You want the diamonds? She didn’t even know anything about diamonds but in the end she wound up with them.

Something Unseen- When Minks, disguised as the stewardess approaches, Anne has hidden Harry in her room.

Mystery- She doesn’t know who stabbed Harry or why, doesn’t even know if she wants to know but by the end of the scene she’s invested in him.

Creating a future- This is the meet cute, all be it unconventional. We feel the subtext of tension between the two, the palpable attraction when he thrusts her at the wall.

Anticipatory Dialogue- Various mentions of the diamonds, his warrant etc. All this will be revealed to not be the way he believed them to be. She even proves his innocence.

Cliffhangers- He leaves with the mother of all lines- I didn’t kill her. Who? We don’t even know there’s been a murder at this point.

Uncomfortable moment – He’s in control again after collapsing and demands answers. Only to realize he picked up the wrong shirt to wear.

The only thing I can think to do to make the scene less clunky is to cut away to something else while he’s sleeping. Also, maybe I should actually cut away into the bathroom? Just figured she’s literally in there for a few seconds and comes back out, it would be unnecessary to waste upto 5 days of shooting for something that would probably be cut for time anyways.

INT. ANNE’S CABIN – EVENING

Anne wakes in her room, pushes her sheets off and rises to the bathroom in the dark. When she emerges from the bathroom a few minutes later, her door bursts open and the man in the brown suit appears, out of breath and bleeding. His shirt is open and he grips a key.

MAN IN THE BROWN SUIT

Please help-

The door slams shut. He staggers, falls onto her bed.

A KNOCK at the door.

She quickly bends to pick up the body pillow on her floor and drops it over him, washcloth still in hand.

ANNE

Yes?

A STEWARDESS, 40s, matronly, opens the door to Anne with the only light from the bathroom. The rest of the room is clearly visible but the body on the bed is well hidden.

MINKS/STEWARDESS

My apologies, Miss, we’ve had reports of a drunken man on this deck.

ANNE

Oh no! Thank you, I’ll bolt my door.

Anne has a restraining hand on the door to prevent the stewardess from coming into the room.

MINKS/STEWARDESS

I must say, you’re looking better Miss.

ANNE

Thank you, I appreciate you checking on me. Good night.

MINKS/STEWARDESS

Good night.

Anne closes the door and locks it.

She flicks on the lights and pulls back the pillow to see the man in the brown suit, unconscious and bleeding from his shoulder. His shirt is crumpled beside him and a stab wound is visible on his shoulder. She leans in and smells him.

ANNE

Well, you’re not drunk!

She feels for a pulse, then disappears into the bathroom and returns with a first aid kit. Confidently, she begins to clean then stitch the wound.

ANNE

It’s okay. I don’t have anyone either.

Once she finishes, she places a bandage on his back then sits uncomfortably in the chair and drifts off to sleep.

A few hours later, he stirs and Anne wakes.

ANNE

Hello.

He jolts up but then winces at his shoulder.

MAN IN THE BROWN SUIT

What did you do?

He grabs a shirt and puts one arm through a sleeve, throws it over the other shoulder.

ANNE

You’re welcome.

MAN IN THE BROWN SUIT

Thank you.

ANNE

My name is Anne. Anne Beddingfeld. What’s your name?

He’s sullenly silent while he opens the door a crack and peeks out.

ANNE

Okay, I’ll call you John.

He turns back to her in alarm.

ANNE

Oh, that is your name. Okay, what would you like me to call you?

MAN IN THE BROWN SUIT

Nothing! Forget you ever saw me.

ANNE

Here, or at the subway station too?

He closes the door, then lunges towards her and pins her to the wall.

MAN IN THE BROWN SUIT

Is that your game? You want the diamonds first? The bounty on me as well?

Her voice catches with the shock of his sudden movement.

ANNE

You- You’re wearing my blouse.

He looks down to see buttons on the wrong side. He stares at her a beat, then laughs and releases her.

HARRY

Call me Harry.

He shrugs off her shirt and picks up his wrinkled one.

ANNE

Okay.

He’s back to the door and looks out the peephole before he turns to her again.

HARRY

I didn’t kill her.

ANNE

Who?

HARRY

Forget you saw me.

He returns to the door, looks out and disappears into the hallway.

Christi Falk

Member

November 13, 2023 at 4:28 am in reply to: Lesson 12

Christi Falk’s Challenging Situations

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is that the main character is the main character. They should be in all scenes. If not all, then referenced in the scenes they’re not in. It speaks directly to theme and tone.

I will be referencing my Public Domain Agatha Christie

Scene 1: P 55 Anne’s connection with Eustache

Current Scene Logline: Eustache seeks out Anne as she weeps alone in the courtyard.

Essence: Anne and Eustache connect, forming a surrogate father/daughter bond.

C- Brainstorm a list of challenges:

Goal- Anne tries to find a handle on her emotions alone.

-Eustache sits down even though it’s clear she’s in distress.

Needs – Anne needs to figure out her path in life at this point, a penniless orphan.

-Eustache and others offer her supplicant roles, not anything that would recognize her independence.

-Anne doesn’t even know what she wants and it’s frustrating.

Values- Privacy, not to keep looking pathetic.

– Anne realizes not only has she run away from the crowd, she’s been wearing the wrong colour socks all day.

Wound – Her father just died without providing for her.

– she’s currently at a retreat that will shut her out when done and she has nowhere to go.

D – New story- Anne is found by Eustache, feigning looking for a place to smoke. He pretends he’s not affected by Anne’s crying, which makes her cry more. He mentions she’s wearing two different socks but the solution is easily fixable. Anne begins to laugh through her tears. They embrace.

Scene 2- P 19 Anne and Suzanne pick out costumes

Current Scene Logline: Suzanne insists on paying for a costume for Anne as subterfuge to get her to open up.

Essence: Never having a mother or female role model, Anne is pulled along in Suzanne’s wake.

C- Brainstorm a list of challenges:

Goal- Suzanne wants to get Anne to open up.

-Anne doesn’t know how to talk to Suzanne.

Needs- Anne needs to connect with Suzanne.

-Anne holds back about meeting Harry, even though Suzanne has asked specifically about a love story.

-Suzanne knows everything about Anne and it scares her into silence.

Values- Belonging

-Anne wishes to belong but is very mistrustful of everyone she meets on her journey, especially Suzanne.

Wound- Anne never met her mother

-Suzanne usurps the role of a mother or an aunt maime type, forcibly breaking down what fragile walls Anne has managed to erect.

Physical- Suzanne keeps pulling costumes and masks from the rack for Anne.

-Anne doesn’t want a costume but doesn’t know how to refuse.

D- New Story- Crazy amounts of exposition given in fragmented pieces. Anne’s going to face her dead father’s plagiarizer. Carton, the man she met at the bus station who gave her his ticket. The stewardess that was just a bit off. But she kept back meeting Harry and his place in Carton’s death.

She forms lines from Suzanne with great difficulty, and keeping Harry from her is her first step towards adult independence.

Christi Falk

Member

November 11, 2023 at 7:10 pm in reply to: Lesson 11

Hi Danielle, I’m sorry I can’t find your post to critique on Lesson 9. We’ve all been having tech so no worries. Please repost and we’ll be happy to give you feedback!

Christi Falk

Member

November 11, 2023 at 4:04 am in reply to: Lesson 11

Christi Falk’s Full Out Characters

This is my attempt to correct the power imbalance between the trio of main characters in my murder mystery. Again- less of a focus on the suspects and more on the detectives. Again- avoiding the Knives out trap.

1. Lancelot Fielding

Original description: a tradesman’s build in a working man’s suit. A man, possibly a token promotion, desperately trying to keep the new rank he doesn’t feel he’s properly earned.

Traits: Brilliant, Athletic, meticulous, Stoic

Subtext – Recently promoted to Police lieutenant and the first cop in his immigrant family, Fielding feels like his promotion was pandering and doesn’t fully trust his instincts.

Updated description: Tradesman’s build in a working man’s suit. An immigrant, secretive by nature, stoic about his recent promotion.

Traits: Stoic, Brilliant, Athletic, Aloof.

Subtext- Working within the parameters of his new promotion, Fielding deals with aggression from his team as well as the suspects at a murder scene. He also hides a secret from his colleagues about his families connection with the murder victim’s family.

2. Nessa Battleford

Original description: a professional woman at war with herself. She feels every promotion around her is an insult as she remains in detective rank. Her guard is always up, especially around superiors.

Traits: Attractive, Acerbic wit, Challenging, insecure

Subtext: Her good friend recently got promoted over her and has become the enemy. She’s doing her best to accept the new status but is seething inside.

Updated description: A police woman who defines herself by her professional success. She’s shattered that her close friend was promoted over her and full of rage she can’t express.

Traits: Acerbic wit, Challenging, Insecure, Power hungry

Subtext: Since her good friend was promoted, he went from partner and confidant to enemy overnight. She does acknowledge her rage is irrational but has no way to stop feeling this way.

3. Doctor Kevin Munroe

Original description: lovable goofball who loves his job and the people he does it with.

Traits: easily distracted, observant, Loyal, single minded

Subtext: Kevin is very aware of the power dynamic shift between the team as they’re in a group and tries to connect with both Nessa and Fielding in new ways to restore balance. The murder they’ve been called to is just a distraction from this issue.

Updated Description: Good natured joker who never takes anything seriously. Unless it’s for a laugh.

Traits: easily distracted, observant, loyal, peacemaker

Subtext: Kevin is concerned for the new dynamic in the team but also the individual traumas that seem to be happening individually with Nessa and Fielding.

Christi Falk

Member

November 9, 2023 at 4:26 am in reply to: Lesson 10: Exchange Feedback on Cycle 2

For Susan,

This is interesting! You haven’t provided descriptions of your leads but the logline and scene descriptions have helped me fill in some of the blanks. Very James Bond meets Locked Room mysteries. The cat and mouse game was very brief and I’m a bit confused with the information he received- was it that the agent he came to rescue was dead or that Nick is basically a cartoon villan?

I half expected John to skulk around the building instead of being lead into the inner working of the mansion.

The most fun was when they traded barbs over the painting. I know we can’t really flesh it out these shorts but I would have really loved to know where you jumped to!

Christi Falk

Member

November 9, 2023 at 4:14 am in reply to: Lesson 10: Exchange Feedback on Cycle 2

For Mike-

This is a good cat and mouse game- just really one thing hampered me- no descriptions. Are they teens at school? Adult staff members? Graduates back for a high school reunion? Because of this confusion, it was hard to figure out visually what was going on. If they are indeed teens or small children, the dialogue switches between maturity levels so were never sure if a comment is a learned response from an abusive parent or just the life of a teenager. It’s alluded to with the comment about the mother but without descriptive indicators, its a Mashup.

That’s not to say it wasn’t enjoyable! The continual washing of hands was a great window into the psychology at work. It really ratcheted up the suspense. Nick’s unpredictable attacks were infrequent and gave us fear/hope that John would be able to escape.

The superior position of John shown at the end- who hasn’t wanted to tape a bully!

I’d recommend next time being a bit more descriptive with the characters but overall good job!

Christi Falk

Member

November 5, 2023 at 12:44 am in reply to: Lesson 9

Christi Falk’s Elevated Prompt #2

Logline: In laying his dead wife to rest, John tries and fails to take her secret to the grave.

Essence: John is in mourning and conflicted between loyalties to the living and the dead. Nick has been tasked with the impossible from his living wife and is the only one who would gleefully be tasked with this at a funeral. We feel this confrontation is decades in the making.

UPDATING: I looked at every point of dialogue and tweaked where necessary. I’ve also made the setup at the beginning more pronounced. It helped the end pack that emotional cathartic punch.

THE RECIPE

FADE IN:

INT. FUNERAL HOME PARLOR – DAY

An empty room with chairs set up, facing a casket. Sparse decorations of wreaths and electric candles line the outskirts of the room. JOHN, 80s, grieving widower and NICK, 80s, family relation, approach separately to sit in the back row.

NICK

Hey Johnny!

Nick slaps a good natured hand on his shoulder but John nods and keeps his gaze on the casket. Nick awkwardly removes his hand and tries a different approach.

NICK

So, Sadie wants to make sure you eat today. Come over after?

John doesn’t react.

NICK

If you need any help with….stuff…

JOHN

Just say it.

NICK

What?

JOHN

You’ll figure it out.

John gets up to leave but Nick pulls him back down.

NICK

Okay, she was hoping to get it now that-

JOHN

Now that Jenny’s dead? You got some stones, Nicky.

They keep their voices down but the tone is not friendly.

NICK

Come on, Johnny, I know you. No way it’s on a computer. It has to be written down somewhere.

Nick looks towards the casket with surprise. He moves quickly to the front of the room with John, who knocks over his folding chair, in hot pursuit.

Still in angry whispers.

JOHN

You wouldn’t dare.

John places a restraining hand over the lid. Nick smiles.

NICK

Come on, John. It’s your favourite. You can’t let it go.

JOHN

Who says it’s the only copy.

Nick smiles as he takes a step away from the coffin.

NICK

You promised her it would be.

John’s emotions threaten as he blinks back tears. Nick changes stance again, this time, an empathetic approach.

NICK

Hey, what about the kids?

JOHN

Don’t want it.

NICK

One day they might. Listen, Sadie is willing to promise it will go with her.

JOHN

Right.

NICK

Look, it’s in woman shorthand. Sadie will swear on a stack of Bibles it won’t got to Aunt Helen.

John lovingly strokes the coffin as he considers.

JOHN

I’m still waiting.

Nick mimes a search for his wallet.

NICK

You charging me, Johnny?

JOHN

Haven’t figured it out yet?

John stands facing Nick for a long beat. Nick finally looks at the coffin. He clears his throat.

NICK

She… uh… was s good woman. The best thing… that ever happened to you. I’m-

His voice cracks slightly

NICK

I’m sorry I ever said otherwise.

John returns the slap on the shoulder, pulls out an envelope from his pocket then hands it to Nick. Nick quickly recovers and puts it in his breast pocket.

JOHN

There, was that so hard?

NICK

You had it the whole time?

John shrugs.

JOHN

Figured the sisters would search everywhere. Was going to throw it down with my rose.

John and Nick walk back down the isle towards the entrance.

JOHN

You gonna tell her now?

Nick shakes his head.

NICK

Aunt Helen just got a new hip and she’s looking to break it in. A funeral brawl would be just what the doctor ordered.

John cracks a smile that breaks into a chuckle. Nick starts to laugh as well and the empty room is filled with joy.

FADE OUT.

Christi Falk

Member

November 4, 2023 at 10:53 pm in reply to: Lesson 7: Exchange Feedback on Cycle 1

Does anyone have a scene by Roger Nelson? Lesson 9 talks about an email with it but I haven’t been getting emails.

Christi Falk

Member

November 4, 2023 at 4:30 pm in reply to: Lesson 8

Christi Falk’s QE cycle #2

Logline: In laying his dead wife to rest, John tries and fails to take her secret to the grave.

Essence: John is in mourning and conflicted between loyalties to the living and the dead. Nick has been tasked with the impossible from his living wife and is the only one who would gleefully be tasked with this at a funeral. We feel this confrontation is decades in the making.

Scene: THE RECIPE

FADE IN:

INT. FUNERAL HOME PARLOR – DAY

An empty room with chairs set up, facing a casket. Sparse decorations of wreaths and electric candles line the outskirts of the room. JOHN, 80s, grieving widower and NICK, 80s, family relation, approach separately to sit in the back row.

NICK

Hey.

John nods but keeps his gaze on the casket.

NICK

So, Sadie wants to make sure you eat today. Come over after?

John doesn’t react.

NICK

If you need any help with….stuff…

JOHN

Just say it.

NICK

What?

JOHN

You’ll figure it out.

John gets up to leave but Nick pulls him back down.

NICK

Okay, she was hoping to get it now that-

JOHN

Now that Jenny’s dead? You got some stones, Nicky.

They keep their voices down but the tone is not friendly.

NICK

Come on, Johnny, I know you. No way it’s on a computer. It has to be written down.

Nick looks towards the casket with surprise. He moves quickly to the front of the room with John, who knocks over his folding chair, in hot pursuit.

Still in angry whispers.

JOHN

You wouldn’t dare.

John places a restraining hand over the lid. Nick smiles.

NICK

Come on, John. The kids all live in different cities. It’s your favourite. Wouldn’t you like it every once in a while?

JOHN

Who says it’s the only copy.

Nick smiles as he takes a step away from the coffin.

NICK

You promised her it would be.

John’s emotions threaten as he blinks back tears.

NICK

Hey, what about the kids?

JOHN

Don’t want it.

NICK

One day they might. Listen, Sadie is willing to promise it will go with her.

JOHN

Right.

NICK

Look, it does nothing in my hands. Its in woman shorthand. And she promises it won’t got to Aunt Helen.

John lovingly strokes the coffin as he considers.

JOHN

I’m still waiting.

NICK

What?

JOHN

Haven’t figured it out yet?

John stands facing Nick for a long beat. Nick finally looks at the coffin.

NICK

She was s good woman. The best thing that ever happened to you. I’m-

His voice cracks slightly

NICK

I’m sorry I ever said otherwise.

John slaps him on the shoulder, then pulls out an envelope from his pocket and hands it to Nick.

JOHN

There, was that so hard?

NICK

You had it the whole time?

John shrugs.

JOHN

Figured the sisters would search everywhere. Was going to throw it down with my rose.

John and Nick walk back down the isle towards the entrance.

JOHN

You gonna tell her now?

Nick shakes his head.

NICK

Aunt Helen just got a new hip and she’s looking to break it in. A funeral brawl would be just what the doctor ordered.

John cracks a smile that breaks into a chuckle. Nick starts to laugh as well and the empty room is filled with joy.

Christi Falk

Member

November 4, 2023 at 3:43 pm in reply to: Lesson 7: Exchange Feedback on Cycle 1

Danielle – this is a lesson in elevating a prompt for me. Thank you!

The subtext was a bit off from the prompt but the interest techniques were used masterfully. He really was a decent guy who won an award. Trent was his actual son.

Its almost like nailing parallel parking but taking 3 more tries to pass your driving test. Speaking from personal experience. lol.

Can’t wait to read more!

Christi Falk

Member

November 4, 2023 at 3:35 pm in reply to: Lesson 7: Exchange Feedback on Cycle 1

Hi Susan, thank you for your patience! I did enjoy your story as it did adhere to the strict parameters that were presented. What I bumped into and something that took me a bit to process, was Skyler. She was a fully three dimensional character and was the embodiment of the interest techniques. Remember the movie Desperately Seeking Susan? It was supposed to be a breakout starring role for Rosanna Arquette. Instead, the only person anyone remembers from that movie is Madonna. She was just stunt casting but there you go.

Thats what Skyler is in this role. She’s larger than life and is a character in her own right! Since she doesn’t fall into the parameters of the prompt and is your own creation, I’d encourage you to flesh her out a bit and create something around her. I was left thinking at the end of the script, I hope she leaves these guys and finds someone new!

Christi Falk

Member

November 2, 2023 at 2:27 am in reply to: Lesson 7: Exchange Feedback on Cycle 1

Anita’s Feedback.

I see what you mean, it is long but I can’t see anywhere to cut. I think it’s because we’ve been given a prompt that requires a beginning, middle and end. If this was just a scene in a longer story, you could shave a bit here and there.

The story has an excellent aspect of surprise and betrayal. Somehow, I’m glad that Trent was thrown into the room instead of him. The drunk acting was well done!

Thinking about it, possibly cut the rest of the story of him being beaten up and being a trader at 16 and all the repetitive childhood stories but leave in the Chester and Spike. That’s a word picture that presupposes all the little stories that weave in and out.

Good job!

Christi Falk

Member

November 2, 2023 at 2:13 am in reply to: Lesson 7: Exchange Feedback on Cycle 1

For Mike- Sorry, I posted on the other page before I heard the call. My Bad! So, here’s my feedback. Basically what I said on the other screen if you saw it. You’ve got a gift with scenery, very good.

The characters were well drawn, the story had a beginning, middle and end.

The one thing that’s been sitting with me was the betrayal. Absolutely, it was surprising. The upsetting thing is it came from Treowulf. Sorry, I’m sure I’ve spelled that wrong. As the main character, I aligned with him and when he decided to slit the balladeers throat, I felt like he betrayed me.

I went to see Uncharted in the theatre a while ago, and when the Spiderman actor stole the woman’s bracelet, there was more than a few gasps from the audience. Like that.

I don’t know if we’re just lord of the flies in this course or if we’ll get someone to weigh in at some point but it’s really stayed with me.

I hope that helps!

Christi Falk

Member

October 31, 2023 at 3:34 am in reply to: Lesson 6

Christi Falk’s Rewritten Scene, QE Cycle 1

I’ve learned something very interesting about myself. I didn’t really like the prompt so I had some difficulty with executing the assignment. I came to realize that with the prompt, I must make the story sound like me. I can’t try to be someone else. I also can’t have the end scene different that the prompt. It was a very humbling 24 hours so I thought I’d start from scratch. It wasn’t the prompt’s fault that I didn’t like it. I had to find a way to make it something I like. If I’m ever going to command 6 figures, I need to bring my A game to the table. I am so sorry for my previous story everyone. Please accept the following as my A game.

The Room

FADE IN:

INT. FRAT HOUSE – DAY

A house in a state of celebration. PLEDGES stand in different corners and hold bowls of different fruit. Alcohol flows freely but not irresponsibly. ROBERT, 24, shyly opens the door and turns as TRENT, 24, enters inside a full suit of armor.

ROBERT

I have returned!

A Pledge drops his fruit bowl and grabs a trumpet from the floor, belting out a BUGLE CRY. All activity stops to witness Robert enter. Trent tries to shrink away but Robert blocks his path.

ROBERT

Salutations, comrades! I demand the spoils I am due!

The pledge quick enough to blow the trumpet scrambles to grab a spatula from under a sofa, then a pillow and approaches Robert reverently. The pledge nervously trips but Trent lunges to grab the spatula before it falls.

CHEERS from the crowd and a rendition of God Save the King.

INT. FRAT KITCHEN – LATER

Trent, still in his full suit of armor, tries and fails to get a plate into the microwave as Robert sits at the table, the only other occupant of the room.

ROBERT

I don’t know why you had to drag me with you.

Trent moves to the fridge and opens it, surveys the contents.

TRENT

Everyone loves you. Besides, you’re a good witness. Recounting my tales to the lowly plebs.

ROBERT

Who says I’d say anything?

TRENT

Please. You’re always running your mouth to someone. On the DL and very Hush hush- I should buy you a wig and some granny panties.

ROBERT

Least I don’t pretend to be loaded.

TRENT

Fake it till you make it.

Trent settles on an apple but can’t open the iron mask on his face wide enough to eat.

ROBERT

Problems?

TRENT

Nothing I can’t handle. PLEDGE!

A pledge scampers in with a bowl of fruit and a pillow between his knees. He drops the pillow in front of him, then kneels and extends the bowl above his head.

TRENT

Pledge, you have served well. You may eat the fruit of your labours.

The pledge looks up in shock. Trent touches the spatula to both of his shoulders, and the pledge rises. Robert smiles encouragingly at the kid as Robert hands him the spatula.

TRENT

You will hold this only while I am gone. You will return it to me the second I am back in this house. The sacred stick will not leave the house.

PLEDGE

The sacred stick will not leave this house.

Trent pulls Robert towards the door as the pledge sits at the table and devours his bowl of fruit while he holds the spatula above him.

EXT. CHEMISTRY LAB – AFTERNOON

Robert rings the bell of the side door. HOUSEMASTER, 30s, grizzly but clean shaven, answers.

ROBERT

Hi, sorry to bother but I’ve left a pretty important experiment in a fume hood. It’s two semesters worth of work.

HOUSEMASTER

So? I can’t let you in.

ROBERT

Of course not. Completely understand. May I give you the instructions to lock it away? You’ll need the key to my lab.

He extends a single key in his hand.

ROBERT

I just need this grade to go forward, you know? I promise the instructions won’t take more than 20 minutes.

The housemaster looks at Robert appraisingly, then around him for others. He’s alone.

HOUSEMASTER

You all alone?

ROBERT

Sadly. Chemistry majors don’t really attract the opposite sex.

The housemaster chuckles at the joke. He relents and allows Robert in.

HOUSEMASTER

Alright, just be quick.

ROBERT

No more than 20 minutes.

Robert heads in and straight for the staircase as the Housemaster heads back to his office beside the door.

INT. CHEMISTRY GROTTO ENTRANCE – MOMENTS LATER

Robert pushes the door open and Trent walks through the door with a CLANK as his metal footwear meet the metal frame of the entrance.

TRENT

You really got a key for this place?

ROBERT

My gym locker key. The secret is in the delivery.

TRENT

Never doubted you for a moment.

ROBERT

Where to now?

Trent doesn’t answer but just starts to walk. Robert sighs and follows him. They walk towards the student lounges.

ROBERT

No, wait, is this why we’ve come here?

TRENT

You know it.

ROBERT

I know you’ve got a death wish.

TRENT

You know me. I don’t do anything without careful calculations. I had this planned months ago.

Robert looks at the sign outside the lounge door: ANNUAL WOMYN’S FEMINIST MEETING. NO MEN ALLOWED. THAT MEANS YOU, TRANS!

ROBERT

And they meet in the Chemistry building. How ironic.

TRENT

Punch me in the stomach.

ROBERT

Rather not.

TRENT

Come on! Do it. Do it!

Robert punches him and other than a dull THUD, no movement. He rubs his knuckles.

ROBERT

Now what, kick you in the groin?

TRENT

Nah, they’ll do that. I couldn’t get Supreme Master of the household without this suit. Couldn’t get the suit on without strapping it on tightly.

ROBERT

Good luck getting anyone to help you off with it.

TRENT

Exactly.

Robert stares at Trent until it dawns on him.

ROBERT

Okay, but before you go in, I need to record this.

TRENT

I expected nothing less, granny panties.

Robert pulls over a desk, then stands on it to be able to see in the window over the door. He nods to Trent as he holds his phone in the unobstructed view.

Trent clicks the wheelchair button, releasing the door. He walks into the room.

TRENT

Good evening Fair Maidens. I am your knight in shining armor!

Shrieks and THWANGS as Trent’s suit is forcibly torn from his body.

Robert still holds his phone but must look away.

FADE OUT.

This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by Christi Falk. Reason: Weird brackets showed up I had to remove

Christi Falk

Member

October 30, 2023 at 2:56 am in reply to: Lesson 5

Christi Falk’s QE Cycle 1: Write this Scene

FADE IN:

EXT. FUNERAL HOME – EVENING

Wreaths have been taken down and loved ones dispersed. A funeral has just ended.

INT. VIEWING ROOM – MOMENTS LATER

ROBERT, 40s, wears a working mans suit even though the job is unclear, approaches TRENT, 20s, in perfect sartorial authority, and extends his hand.

ROBERT

Trenton, pleased to finally meet you in person!

TRENT

Please, Trent.

A vigorous handshake ensues.

ROBERT

I must say I was intrigued by your offer.

TRENT

Glad to hear it. Before you ask, yes, the numbers are correct.

ROBERT

Then… this calls for a celebration!

He turns to walk towards a doorway with Trent in tow, then stops.

ROBERT

Actually, the Carton funeral will be starting in a few minutes. We don’t want to seem off colour.

Trent nods solemnly.

TRENT

Yes, of course. Where do you suggest?

Robert considers for a few minutes.

ROBERT

Well, I mean-

TRENT

Yes?

ROBERT

I suppose-

Robert smiles and puts Trent at ease despite their surroundings.

TRENT

What?

ROBERT

Have you ever wanted to see… the room?

Trent pauses then it dawns on him what he means.

TRENT

Yes!

Relief momentarily washes over Robert before the mask of confidence is back. Robert nods to a staircase and Trent leads the way down.

INT. HALLWAY – MOMENTS LATER

Trent stands in front of the carved door with excitement. Robert stands evenly behind him.

ROBERT

I’m just going to find the switch. Go ahead if you’d like. I can’t wait to see the numbers.

Trent grasps the door knob and turns it with a CREAK.

TRENT

For the money you’ve arranged, I’d expect nothing less!

INT. CREMATION ROOM – EVENING

Trent blinks as the florescent lights begin to blink on. A CLICK of the lock behind him. Then a CRACK and Trenton was no more.

Christi Falk

Member

October 30, 2023 at 12:11 am in reply to: Lesson 4

Christi Falk – Max Interest Part 1

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is that I need to take more time to add descriptive lines. It’s not enough that I know what’s happening. Readers need to know the essence that may not be obvious without them. It also makes a different pace.

1. I’ve selected the Grecian Mansion scene on Page 74. It’s problematic because it’s so long with so many interchanging actors. Also, I really suck at writing action scenes.

Logline – Anne is faced with her new family and must choose allegiances where the stakes are life and death.

2. Anne has the diamonds but realizes her friend Suzanne’s life is more important. She feels the sharp betrayal of the Colonel and the distrust of both men. Everyone has different motivations and she’s not even sure about her own.

3. Suspense – with the heightened stakes and the guns and whatnot, the balance of power is precarious.

Major Twist – Minks unmasked! Also, Anne is smarter than they thought as she hides the diamonds in an unsuspecting place.

Surprise – Annes difficulty choosing sides, despite what she knows to be true.

Character changes radically- we realize that Minks in various disguises is a soldier of fortune who can easily pass for a man or a woman.

Betrayal – Anne feels the loss of Eustache deeply as she had connected strongly to him as a father figure.

4. INT. GRECIAN MANSION FOYER- AFTERNOON

An authentic Greek mansion with priceless works of art. Duncan, Anne and Harry rush into the foyer.

ANNE

Are you sure this is it?

DUNCAN

Yes, I checked with immigration.

HARRY

One room at a time.

They nod in agreement and cautiously approach each visual obstruction. Anne moves past a tall bookshelf and sees a body reclining on the couch.

ANNE

Suzanne!

She rushes over and kneels to check her pulse. Duncan and Harry stand behind her.

ANNE

She’s alive.

A CLACK CLACK noise as a figure walks down the staircase into the foyer, gun trained on them.

EUSTACHE

Of course she’s alive. I’m never off with my miracle drinks.

Duncan pulls his weapon and moves infront of Suzanne as Anne stands in shock. Harry shifts further away, towards Eustache as he descends the staircase.

EUSTACHE

You must be the young man Suzanne’s told me so much about.

Harry stays silent.

ANNE

Sir Eustache?

EUSTACHE

Yes, my dear. I am sorry. I really am fond of you.

DUNCAN

Let them go.

Eustache laughs as Harry slowly sidles to the other side of the room.

EUSTACHE

My good man, everyone’s free to go. I have what I came for.

He pulls a toilet roll holder out of his pocket. Anne looks at the sleeping Suzanne.

EUSTACHE

Don’t be too hard on her, Anne. She’s a good woman.

ANNE

What did you do?

EUSTACHE

Just a hangover cure that’s sure to knock you out for 12 hours. When she comes to, I’ll just tell her you’ve met an untimely end by the Colonel.

ANNE

I thought it was Pagett.

EUSTACHE

Yes, poor Pagett. He’s married, you know. Dreadfully shy about it as my employment ad specifically requested a single man. He’s with them now, being framed up as the Colonel.

ANNE

You mean-

EUSTACHE

Don’t look so surprised, my dear, you believed it. I made sure he was at the site of every murder, every crime, that I committed.

ANNE

But you weren’t in the country?

DUNCAN

Rich people always have more than one passport.

EUSTACHE

Exactly!

Eustache is now at the bottom of the staircase and moves close to Anne.

EUSTACHE

Be a dear and open this.

He tosses the toilet roll to Anne. She turns the cylinder a few times, hears a click and pulls it open to reveal the stones.

EUSTACHE

Ah, beautiful. Now my dear, if you’d be so kind as to hand them to me.

HARRY

Don’t!

EUSTACHE

Please, young man. I’d prefer not to kill you here. The Persian.

Anne takes the stones and puts them all in her mouth.

EUSTACHE

Now, my dear, that’s childish. I’ll get them back eventually.

She chews them with a loud CRACK. Eustache startles, then laughs.

EUSTACHE

Clever girl! I should have known. Where are the real ones?

He menacingly trains the gun on her.

DUNCAN

Eustache, or should I call you Colonel, it’s over.

He smiles, watching Harry jockey closer to him.

EUSTACHE

No, it’s over for all of you. Here!

He gestures for Harry to move closer to them. He stands still, then complies. Duncan moves in a protective stance on the other side of Suzanne.

EUSTACHE

Anne, dear, my offer is genuine. I’d like to adopt you. You have nothing. I’m rich. Retired, I can show you the world as it’s meant to be seen.

ANNE

You’re a criminal.

EUSTACHE

It was something to do. I’ve since grown tired of that life. I was hoping to add a wife to the mix but it looks like that won’t be possible.

He sighs at the figure of Suzanne and comes closer to them. Harry takes his chance and lunges at the gun and they both wrestle to the ground.

ANNE

Harry!

Duncan stands back, trying to aim as they go back and forth.

DUNCAN

I don’t have a clean shot!

Anne upends a lamp and holds it above her head to use it when she sees the room covered in red laser beams.

ANNE

No!

The men notice at the crimson dots on their chests. Anne places the lamp back on the side table. Minks, dressed in military fatigues, emerges from the doorway.

EUSTACHE

Friend or foe!

Minks smiles.

MINKS

Colonel, I’ve been tracking you for many years. I’m so glad to be the one who collects your bounty.

Masked men appear from all directions of the room, carrying weapons with laser pointers. They cuff Eustache and disarm Duncan.

DUNCAN

Who are you?

MINKS

Nobody. I’m a ghost.

Eustache laughs.

EUSTACHE

A ghost, a myth, a legend! Pleased to meet you, Minks.

LOCAL POLICE enter where Minks came in to take Eustache into custody. Before he leaves the room, Eustache turns back.

EUSTACHE

Anne, my dear, I will escape. When I do, my offer still stands.

He is led out of the room. Harry approaches her and Minks.

HARRY

Anne, the diamonds?

She turns to Minks.

ANNE

I know you somehow. We’ve met.

Minks winks at her.

MINKS

Several times. I am who I need to be to accomplish a task.

ANNE

Do you work for the government?

MINKS

Many governments. I use my talents to restore the balance of world powers.

DUNCAN

I’d like my gun back.

Minks nods to the armed men. One gives Duncan his gun and clip separately. The armed men disperse as quickly as they appeared. Duncan puts the clip back into his gun and holsters it.

DUNCAN

Well, I don’t recognize you.

MINKS

Don’t you, now?

ANNE

Reverend Chichester?

MINKS

Very good, fraulein.

ANNE

Mrs. Pettigrew?!

MINKS

Yes, and many more. It was necessary to keep tabs on the Colonel.

Duncan leans over to try and rouse Suzanne with little success. Harry briskly looks over the room.

ANNE

Will he escape?

MINKS

He has many connections in the police force but my bounty is being paid as we speak.

DUNCAN

His identity is known now. He’ll have to start again.

MINKS

My sources confirm as much.

Harry grabs Anne by the shoulders.

HARRY

Anne, the diamonds!

ANNE

For goodness sake!

Anne spies Suzanne’s purse beside her and grabs it. She pulls out her candy rock bag and throws it at Harry as she discards the purse on the ground.

ANNE

Here, is this what you want?

Harry dumps the contents into his hands. Mixed with candies were the uncut gems. He heaves a huge sigh of relief, just to watch Minks scoop them out of his hand.

HARRY

The diamonds belong to me!

MINKS

The diamonds belong to Africa.

Minks moves to leave but Harry blocks his path.

MINKS

Alright, young man, let’s go.

They exit together, leaving Anne, Duncan and an unconscious Suzanne alone.

ANNE

..He.. just left..

Duncan masterfully picks up the unconscious Suzanne, oblivious to Anne’s shock.

DUNCAN

He’ll be fine but Suzanne needs medical help.

Anne blinks and gestures to the far corridor.

ANNE

I saw a garage on the way in, that way.

Duncan needs no further encouragement and leads the way out. Anne picks up Suzanne’s purse and follows.

Christi Falk

Member

October 23, 2023 at 5:21 am in reply to: Lesson 3

Christi Profiles People

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is that everyone has a mix of traits. This is a really great way to make characters likeable!

Person 1-

Contemplative, Protective, trusting, aloof

Person 2-

Callous, calculating, stubborn, loyal

Person 3-

Loving, empathetic, wise, clingy

Christi Falk

Member

October 23, 2023 at 4:17 am in reply to: Lesson 2

EDIT: I’ve learned what so many people tried to help me with for the past 10 years of evolution on this script- it needs a page one rewrite. Atleast now I understand from this course exactly what went wrong: the Knives Out Dilemma. Yes, there are those of you who may believe that was a good Murder Mystery. With the utmost of respect for those reading, it went wrong in the same way mine did. I made my suspects too interesting. The stars of the show. The detectives, while created richly, were second banana. I recently rewatched Knives Out on Prime and that confirmed my suspicions. Since a page one rewrite is not possible with a mystery to adhere to the strict timeline of this course, I’m going to switch to an Action/Adventure script I was able to write in 30 days. WAY simpler as there aren’t so many moving parts. That will be the script below and from now on. Also, if you’re still smarting about Knives Out, go ahead and find Ice House on Britbox. Daniel Craig as his most delicious investigating a cold case, P.D James style. It’s a bit heavy handed with the feminism but hey, it was the 90’s.

Christi Falk Puts Essence to Work – Again.

What I learned is that I can write Action/Adventure scripts with ease so I will be focusing on a Public Domain I wrote that Quarter Finaled in this years Screencraft contest. My hope is I can have as many Eureka moments as I had with the first script to make it a winner next year. I’m sure the main issue is pace, as one reader put it: It’s almost like your train of thought is a TGV express, which not only leaves the reader very little time to admire the scenery, but oftentimes during sharp turns, makes me feel like I am falling out of the window.

Script I chose: Man in the Brown Suit- Agatha Christie Public Domain

Scene 1 – Page 1 Bus Station

Logline – With nothing to lose, Anne is looking for adventure.

Essence – As we see from her brief interactions and reactions with those in the bus station, she’s just looking for family, a place of belonging. When the opportunity for adventure comes, she’s hesitant because of Carton’s death but excited that the last act he did before falling was to give her the travel documents.

New Logline – Anne finds purpose and a bit of mystery in accepting an all expenses paid trip to Greece.

Scene 2 – Shuttle Lounge P 7

Logline – Anne meets Suzanne as they’re headed to the same cruise.

Essence – Rattled by her encounter with Carton, then the Man in the Brown Suit, Anne literally runs into Suzanne, a southern belle who excitedly engages with her. Anne feels the warmth of her personality and begins to calm herself.

New Logline – Anne meets a gregarious fellow traveler while they wait for departure but the Man in the Brown Suit is lurking as well.

Scene 3 – Cruise deck P 13

Logline – Anne is seasick on deck as Suzanne and Duncan walk by, encouraging her.

Essence – Anne’s determination to go on an adventure meets a major setback. She is sick and feels terribly alone. Even tells them to ‘throw me overboard’. Chichester and Suzanne comfort her in different ways, showing her kindness.

New Logline – Anne is nursed by her new friends while the adventure at sea is paused.

Scene 4 – Anne’s Cabin Page 17

Anne protects the Man in the Brown Suit/aka Harry when he bursts into her cabin suffering from a stab wound.

Essence – So many questions here: Why was Harry aboard? Did he know this was her cabin or was he looking for someone else? Anne is newly healthy and in a split second decides to help the collapsed stranger. Anne is discovering who she is and what she’s wanting to become.

New Logline – Anne helps hide Harry from pursuers as she mends him, as others had done for her.

Scene 5 – Masquerade Ball P 24

Logline – Anne politely dances with the men who ask, including Harry who shows up in costume to talk on the dance floor.

Essence – No one is who they seem. Pagett tries to rise to social convention but clearly has a problem with women, Duncan very smoothly pumps her for information but sidesteps revealing anything about himself and Harry tries to pretend he’s tough but his dancing skills betray a rich upbringing.

New Logline – Healthy and in full detective mode, Anne puts on a mask to get to the truth of the characters around her.

***

Christi Falk Puts Essence to Work

What I learned is my script needs a complete overhaul. Which is mortifying as my pages run on the low side. Hopefully I can keep it at atleast 85 pages.

Script I chose: Locked Room Murder – working title.

Scene 1 – Page 7 Billings Manor Acreage

Logline- Law enforcement (Fielding, Nessa and Kevin) are called to a rich estate on the reports of a murder.

Essence I’ve discovered- Nothing is as it seems. The murder isn’t a murder, the law enforcement are present with ulterior motives and Jones, the usher, is set on blocking their every attempt at disturbing their guests.

New Logline- Fielding arrives to strong-arm his way past the gate as Nessa’s ‘I am the man in charge’ falls on deaf ears.

Scene 2 – Page 8 – Billings Private study

Logline- Fielding supervises the collecting of evidence as Nessa has evaluated the scene and Kevin examines the body.

Essence I’ve discovered – It makes way more sense to meet Bryce first. Rich ppl be crazy. The body has already been removed from the room and an unconscious Bryce is the only occupant. Fielding is demanding to see the body to no avail.

New Logline – Stymied by an overzealous servant, Fielding, Nessa and Kevin are stuck trying to sober Bryce Billings, the only witness to the murder.

Scene 3 – P 12 – West Wing Dining room and Makeshift Police workstation

Logline – Fielding interrogates a semi conscious/sober Bryce and then discuss TOD with Kevin, motives with Nessa.

Essence I’ve discovered- Without access to the body immediately, the questioning becomes different. The discussion with Kevin becomes how to move past the obstacle legally.

New Logline – While Fielding’s questioning of Bryce bears little fruit, Kevin pursues various angles both legal and gravity defying, to gain access to the body.

Scene 4 – Makeshift Police Dining room

Logline – Fielding, Nessa and Kevin confront Executives to demand access to guests and grounds.

Essence I’ve discovered – The confrontation becomes muddied. Is this a practical joke? It is his birthday after all. Don’t you have the murderer in Bryce? It was a locked room and he’s the heir. More and more confusion.

New Logline – Fielding, Nessa and Kevin discover things may not be what they seem as they interview Executives of the Billings Company.

Scene 5 – Billings Private Study

Logline – Cassie finds Bryce and has him help her with the business.

Essence I’ve discovered – Bryce will now shoulder more in a scene since he’s the first one introduced. This is very much his discovery of who he is once his father has passed as who he was before.

New Logline – Bryce tries to grasp his new position with his newfound sobriety as Cassie discusses business that can’t wait.

This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by Christi Falk. Reason: Script Switcharoo!

Christi Falk

Member

October 19, 2023 at 2:43 am in reply to: Lesson 1

Christi finds the Essence! EDIT – Sorry I missed the second tab. Was doing it on my cell phone. I’ve added the proper notes for the exercise, as requested.

The Script I chose: Aliens

Note- the draft available in scriptorama was the first one. I will be referencing the film where there are variations.

Scene 1 – page 3

Logline- Ripley awakens to a dream that turns nightmarish, we see her distrust for new people in her life.

Essence- Ripley’s stuck in the trauma she’s experienced and finds solace in the only other traveler she awoke with, a cat and someone who can’t engage her on a human level. Her reality bleeds into the nightmare she’s experienced as she’s forced to relive it.

Expression – She is hostile and untrusting of the environment and the new people she encounters.

Scene 2- p 24

Logline- Ripley awakens from another nightmare to finally call Burke, committing to join the expedition.

Essence- While we don’t see Ripley’s nightmare, we know it’s different as she calls Burke as soon as she wakes. Ripley has made a decision that ending the nightmares must mean facing the ailens again.

Expression- Ripley calls Burke and commits to the expedition on her terms, deciding to take Burke at his word.

Scene 3 p 30

Logline- Introduction of the military team as they travel to the planet, with their quirks and personality traits.

Essence – The ominous tone of the film so far, as we feel Ripley’s dread of defeat is inoculated with the confidence of an elite military squad. We feel their confidence and bravado. Vasquez line- no, have you? Is still the most quoted line of the 80s. These are badass military folk who won’t be easily frightened. Setting up the irony that the slight Ripley is actually tougher than all of them combined.

Expression – While the military team assemble, Ripley is wary and keeps her distance.

Scene 4-p 133

Logline- Hicks brings Ripley into the military fold by training her on their modern weaponry.

Essence- The awkwardness of their first introduction is gone. Ripley feels comfortable offering up her deepest fear to who she feels is an equal. The fear is heard and understood by Hicks.

Expression – Ripley’s introduced to military tactics in an intimate way.

Scene 5- p 169

Logline- Ripley resolves to rescue Newt with the ticking clock of a very real bomb.

Essence- Ripley has connected deeply with her role as a mother, even though her own child is dead. She understands that leaving will likely mean her own death but she must leave. Hicks acknowledges the growth of her character by offering something of himself in return.

Expression – Ripley takes off to save Newt and Hicks offers her his first name, with her reciprocating.

Most profound essence is scene 5- although the producer felt the theme was man accepts machine and deleted this last scene. You have to hunt to knock off stores for it. Yeah, we get it, you like robots. It was way more profound to all of us that this badass woman could literally exterminate a race of bugs and still get the promise of a date. No high heels or lipstick involved.

This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by Christi Falk. Reason: Missed second tab- corrected submission

Christi Falk

Member

October 18, 2023 at 1:24 am in reply to: Introduce yourself to the group

My name is Christi Falk and I’m currently living in Edmonton, Alberta.

I’ve written 3 features, one TV spec and a handful of shorts.

I’m hoping to gain confidence in my current scripts as well as find tools to create new ones. My main focus is on selling now that the writers strike has ended. Since one of my three features quarter finaled in a Screencraft contest this year, I’m looking for a win next year.

Something strange about me is that I work a 9-5 job that has nothing to do with writing. It makes connecting with creative folks difficult as I’m typically the only one with regular hours.

Christi Falk

Member

October 17, 2023 at 9:26 pm in reply to: Confidentiality Agreement

Christi Falk

I Agree to the terms of this release form.

In the spirit of copyright indicated in the disclosure, I Do Not Consent to any or all of my work being used to train an AI software.

Christi Falk

Member

July 13, 2021 at 4:46 am in reply to: Post Day 28 Assignment Here

Exchanging Feedback on Your Script

Well, it doesn’t look like we’re getting a Day 29 Assignment post to put in our connections so I’ll put mine here.

I understand the spirit of this last assignment is to connect with each other to review our works. I would love to read everyones full script but I just don’t have that kind of time.

I propose a max 10 page exchange. I’m thinking first 10 but dealer’s choice. Please add the logline (pre work post) to the front page and email it to me at Christifalk1@gmail.com. Kindly put 30 day screenplay class in the subject line so I’m sure to see it. When I receive yours I’m happy to send you my first 10. I may be a bit as things at work are a bit busy. Latest I’ll email will be first week in August so you’ve got some time.

I do have a specialty of creating solutions to nudity and profanity. I remember quite vividly watching Irreconcilable Differences as a child and when the mistress felt she needed to flash her chest at the screen, my father said it was because the writer ran out of ideas. Whether that’s true or not, I’ve dedicated my entire writing career to finding another way for actors to get through a scene without showing us where babies come from. As Julia Roberts once famously said, why should my high school math teacher know what my butt looks like?

I’m with Jules.

Cheers everyone! We made it through!

Christi Falk

Member

July 11, 2021 at 12:35 am in reply to: Post Day 28 Assignment Here

Christi’s Chronological Edit

I’ve learned that this last edit will probably take the longest. I’m too close to all the work I’ve done so it’s probably best to find fresh eyes or put it aside for atleast 3 weeks. Then I’ll use that voice software inside Final Draft and just close my eyes as it reads, listening for any weird jumps or breaks.

I can’t believe this curriculum, what an amazing find! definitely saving for future scripts.

The only thing left is to save for a professional look over, then announce to the world it’s ready to be seen! Hopefully in time for the Nicholls quarter final announcement.

Christi Falk

Member

July 7, 2021 at 3:21 am in reply to: Post Day 27 Assignment Here

Christi’s Solved Scene Problems!

I learned there’s more than one way to pass over a script I feel is floundering. Really amazing.

For my script, its had more than one pass over before I started the course so I feel I’ve already fixed the major problem areas. I like the idea to raise the stakes so when I send for coverage I can amp up any scene that comes back as not reading well.

I see that the daily assignments are now a few days apart so I look forward to the next one posting on Thursday.

Christi Falk

Member

July 5, 2021 at 6:08 am in reply to: Post Day 26 Assignment Here

Christi’s Solved Character Problems!

What I learned was there were too many scenes at rest. I needed to shake things up in a scene, ensuring the actions were as engaging as the dialogue.

I’m actually excited as I think that I’ve found a way to break up the painful interrogation scene. I don’t think rich people -UBER rich- would cooperate with interrogations in the normal sense. So, I’m going to take it and run with it. I could fail spectacularly but I guarantee you it hasn’t been done before.

I must say this is an amazing distance way to learn. I thought it would be frustrating without direct input and contact from an instructor but the lessons are structured in a way that clearly directs you to any and all problem areas. When I save up enough for professional coverage, that’ll be the last polish needed as the lion’s share of the work will have been done.

Then, I’ll just stick it in a drawer while I email Producers. Lol.

Christi Falk

Member

July 5, 2021 at 5:46 am in reply to: Post Day 25 Assignment Here

Christi’s Solved Structural Problems

I’ve learned that with this new pass, my dueling protagonists take turns to meet the key marks. I know I’m winging the structure but if I focus too much on the detective, nobody cares about the wrongly accused man and who the killer is. If I focus on the murder suspect primarily, readers get bored when the detective shows up as they want more Murder, She Wrote stylings.

When I had to gut the Mid point, I instinctively reshaped the structure from Day 5 so good on my instincts!

I’m hoping that with both of them in the protagonist role- and even experiencing conflict with each other – there’s enough of a double dutch rhythm to keep even the most jaded reader engaged.

I’ve also spent time making sure the key intro scene clearly demonstrated who the detective is to his inner circle, defining the roles clearly in the first 2 minutes. I remember watching the TV movie Hide, where I knew clearly what the relationship was between leads. It was crystal. I’ve always tried to emulate that.

As a cautionary tale, I always remember Broken Arrow, the abominable swearfest where they couldn’t find a way to let Slater know his female leads name. He kept saying ‘that ranger’. Seriously, guess they were having such a dabadoo time swearing they forgot simple plot points like that. Unforgivable since it was the first pairing since Pump up the Volume.

So, I”m hoping I”ve created a bullet proof first scene but my reading group will be able to best judge.

Christi Falk

Member

July 2, 2021 at 6:18 am in reply to: Post Day 24 Assignment Here

Christi Filled in Missing Scenes!

I learned from this assignment that in rewrite mode I’m much farther ahead. The script flows much better with the fixes implemented the first time around. My only pause is the group interrogation scene. I may have to workshop that with my writing group. I’ll actually do that this week when we regularly meet. Hopefully then I’ll get more of a sense of what should go there. I just don’t want anyone mentioning the vomiting sweater movie to me. So far, that’s the only scene that would be a call back to it.

Well, looks like I’ve caught up! Can’t wait for tomorrow’s drop. I’m printing it then will sit in a mall in air conditioning and work on the script.

Christi Falk

Member

July 2, 2021 at 6:10 am in reply to: Post Day 23 Assignment Here

Christi’s Act 4 Resolution

I learned that when you massively rewrite Act 3, your original Resolution still works. Impressively.

To be fair, when the concept for the film came to me, I saw the resolution first. Now that I can see the script for it’s moving parts, I’m happy to save for the professional once over. Of course, not until September will I have the funds for that.

Christi Falk

Member

July 2, 2021 at 5:40 am in reply to: post Day 22 Assignment Here

Christi’s Act 4 Climax

I learned that changing a Midpoint in a movie causes ripples and aftershocks. The Climax was completely wrong so I had to rewrite it.

I also learned that it’s impossible to sleep when it’s 27 degrees so I’m continuing to work. I think I’ll hang out in the mall tomorrow, now that it’s open.

The Climax is now a shootout on the estate through some sort of shooting relay. Not sure if it’s going to be a grouse hunt or what. Rich people be crazy so there’s plenty of options. I’ve just put the card there on the floor so when I correct the scene, I’m sure it will come to me by then.

Also, thank you for offering the next free class. I really get so much out of them. I did take a vacation day tomorrow but will need to wait for the recording as I can’t afford the long distance charges. I know, poor ppl problems.

I’m excited for this template we’re doing because once I’m done the murder mystery, I’ll put it towards the military Sci fi I entered in the Nicholls. If it quarter finals, it would be better for it to be more polished than it is now.

Christi Falk

Member

July 1, 2021 at 6:50 am in reply to: Post Day 21 Assignment Here

Christi’s Act 4 first scenes

What I learned is altering the midpoint of the movie affected every single beat from then on. I also realized the Key 1 scene where the investigator calls and leaves his wife a long emotional voicemail was completely wrong. It took me 4 days of ruminating but I finally found the proper scene as quick as the examples!

The Key moment #2 had to have the punch and staying power of holding the audiences interest while paying off the push and pull of the mystery for the detective. I also figured there needed to be a key piece of information relayed in that interrogation that would lead to the killer, I’m still working on what it is. Hopefully as I go forward into the next assignment, I’ll figure it out.

Also, love the free classes, thank you! I especially enjoyed the ‘where do you see yourself’ question. I actually see myself getting money for scripts and being completely left out of the process at large. Of course they’d fire the writer. That’s why I want the money up front. It would be worse to stick around. My one and only experience on set as a writer/director (a film school night class) was to be blessed with a sociopathic crew member that did everything she could to ruin the shoot. People were too afraid to say anything to her. I no other occupation known to man would this behaviour be acceptable. Now that I’m older, I would correct that with the business end of a hockey stick.

So, better for everyone if they just give me money and go away. Or, I’m waiting for the next generation after this one dies out.

Christi Falk

Member

June 28, 2021 at 1:13 am in reply to: Post Day 20 Assignment Here

Christi’s Completed Act 3

I’ve learned that with some basic tweaks, Act 4 will start with breathless anticipation. Can the protagonist survive this? Now that I’ve fixed the Midpoint in Act 3 to a proper one, the tone is much better.

Christi Falk

Member

June 28, 2021 at 1:09 am in reply to: Post Day 19 Assignment Here

Christi’s Act 3 Turning Point

I really polished this in the previous assignment so I’ve got it down now. I learned that I do like to jump ahead. Lol.

Christi Falk

Member

June 28, 2021 at 1:00 am in reply to: Post Day 18 Assignment Here

Christi’s Act 3 Middle Scenes

I learned that I had my 3rd key scene wrong. With some reworking, I’ve created a proper reaction to what’s happened. I’ve added more scenes as well. I may break 100 pages yet!

Christi Falk

Member

June 28, 2021 at 12:47 am in reply to: Post Day 17 Assignment Here

Christi’s Act 3 Reaction to Mid point

Well, I learned that since my midpoint was wrong, I needed to do some surgery. I had to kill one of my favourite scenes -not the first time, won’t be the last time- and developed the stress for the detective to an amped degree. He’s new marriage is falling apart, he can’t save Bryce and it’s clear to everyone he doesn’t seem to be following procedure.

I know this is for people to write screenplays but I’m finding this very helpful in the rewrite!

Christi Falk

Member

June 28, 2021 at 12:13 am in reply to: Post Day 16 Assignment Here

Christi has Completed Act 2 Draft 1

What I’ve learned is that I lack the basic structure understanding and have been operating by instinct. What’s more, I’m excited to report I think I’m starting to get it!

The scenes are almost double act 1- I noticed this as I put out the cards on the floor. The script was of course already written before this course began so I’m just tweaking the scenes as directed. I’m not wordsmithing as I want to ensure a 20 percent quality correction.

There are a few scenes I’m still unsure of- I have a interview scene that goes back and forth with many characters. Readers have said 2 pages is WAY too long for that scene. I’ve left it in but know it must be fixed in subsequent drafts.

Onward!

Member

June 27, 2021 at 4:44 am in reply to: Post Day 8 Assignment Here

Christi’s Beat Sheet Draft 2

Well, its 10:30 at night and still plus 30 Celsius. I”m not getting any sleep tonight so might as well catch up.

This was an interesting assignment as the theme in every Christie book and movie is: you sow what you reap. I see no reason to modernize that part as it’s a great theme.

I learned that the antagonist will be hiding in plain sight, using proxies for each interaction. I also created cards to work with to remain mindful of act beaks.

Christi Falk

Member

June 27, 2021 at 1:16 am in reply to: Post Day 7 Assignment Here

Christi’s High Speed Beat Sheet

Well, that took a bit. I was trying to fix the murder as it was wrong to me. Finally decided on the best way- poison is so 1950s- and then I just took the Act structure from Day 5 and overlaid slug lines on it. Really helped me to clarify as I can see my main problem is the real estate a scene takes up. Now I’ve fixed that one bothersome structure, I’m hoping to catch up this weekend.

I learned that this is where the story is told. Basic structure. I anticipate the further lessons will happen quickly from here on.

Christi Falk

Member

June 20, 2021 at 4:45 am in reply to: Post Day 6 Assignment Here

Christi’s Transformational Events

I learned from mapping the character journey in this unique way helped me to understand the three dimensional cats cradle that is the story. I was so focused on characters servicing the mystery I forgot to give them their own worlds. I created two for my dueling protagonists but it helped my understand the nuts and bolts of character direction going forward.

All jotted in my notebook as there’s no feedback here. 🙂

Cheers.

Christi Falk

Member

June 18, 2021 at 1:31 am in reply to: Post Day 5 Assignment Here

Christi Falk – Lesson 5 – Transformational Structure

I learned so much about structure in this lesson. I wish I had the funds to take more courses like this. It takes almost 3 months just to save up enough for small ones like these.

Before, I would watch the genre I was writing and try to reverse engineer the structure of movies. Probably why I had such limited success.

Well, I’m confident in blocking out my timeline and can’t wait to flesh it out.

PS- That reminds me, if you have buckets of money and can’t write mysteries, I’m absolutely for sale. I have a mortgage that isn’t paying itself. 🙂

Christi Falk

Member

June 15, 2021 at 7:11 pm in reply to: Post Day 4 Assignment Here

Christi’s Character Interviews

This was very helpful as I was able to decide on a killer. I see now how important that was to get straight from the outset. I also see that I haven’t gotten a reply about interaction/feedback on our posts so I’m guessing there won’t be any.

That’s okay, it’s still an incredibly valuable course. I’ll just continue to plod along on my own in a journal and post my insights here.

On deck is Day 5- I know it only has a protagonist/antagonist project but I’ve discovered I have two- mirror protagonists. I’m just going to make a timeline for both as I’m not sure what to do. I’m creating one for the detective-whom everyone agrees is the main character – as well as Bryce- the obviously innocent prime suspect. Still working on how that goes. I guess theoretically I could make timelines for all of them. Well, stay tuned!

Christi Falk

Member

June 11, 2021 at 3:00 am in reply to: Group Confidentiality Agreement

I’m fine with it because I’ve got a US copyright for my script from last year. My question is this: If there is feedback, when will it be? It seems pointless to keep putting in data without any sort of response. Is there a point where there will be feedback? I’m doing the rest on a scribbler as there’s really no point to post without instructor engagement. When I see the girl engage with others, I’ll post my stuff. Otherwise, I’ll just be doing it on my lonesome.

Cheers,

Christi

Christi Falk

Member

June 10, 2021 at 4:05 am in reply to: Post Day 3 Assignment Here

It has been 3 days with no direct feedback on our work. Am I to understand that we’ll just keep posting our work with no critique?

thanks,

Christi

Christi Falk

Member

June 9, 2021 at 2:16 am in reply to: Post Day 2 Assignment Here

Christi’s Character Profiles Part 1

I learned that I had two Antagonists. Also that I’m writing a thriller. I thought Mystery was a genre. You live and you learn.

1. Fielding is a Hero- A first generation American and Police officer, struggling to find his footing in his chosen profession.

2. There are 2 Antagonists:

Bryce is a Change Agent – the main suspect with the biggest motive but also innocent. He was set to take over the company from his father but then became a drunken baffoon that just embarrasses his father at parties.

The Killer(as yet unknown) is the Predator: a sociopath that is close to the family wishing to usurp the monopoly and place themselves as ruler, stopping at nothing to achieve their goals.

3. Other Characters:

Nessa: Fielding’s childhood best friend and a police detective.

Kevin: Fielding’s friend from the academy and medical officer. Both are comedy relief and sources of exposition.

Minor Roles:

Katelyn- Fielding’s new bride and left for the murder investigation. Source of conflict as she waits alone for him.

Potential suspects: Jones – the chief Usher of the estate and very close to the family, Mrs. Billings- widow of murder suspect, Seth- best friend of the deceased and CFO of the business, Sean- son of Seth and married to Rebecca. Rebecca- was engaged to Bryce before he became a drunk. Decided to marry Bryce’s best friend.

Background Characters: Lots of random guests and household servants. Above suspicion. Maybe.

4. Thriller Genre

5. 3 Lead Character Profiles

a) Fielding

Role in the story- Hero Protagonist. Brought in to solve the crime.

Age and description: late 30s, dark and chiseled, the vision of a beautiful immigrant son.

Internal Journey: overconfident with his new promotion but taken down to size before solving the crime.

External Journey: New Lieutenant to seasoned and respected leader.

Motivation: Career Advancement

Wound: Shame over his poor upbringing.

Mission/Agenda: Solve the murder quickly and get back to his new wife.

Secret: His knowledge of Bryce- his father met him before.

What makes them special? He’s the only one not willing to take the easy answer, continually digging for the truth despite the threat of losing both his wife and his promotion.

Antagonist #1 Bryce

Role in the story: Change agent/Runner – He’s the obvious murder suspect but won’t defend himself. He’s a Falstaff character that turns into Hamlet after his father’s death.

Age Range and Description: almost 30- when his trust fund unlocks, blonde and athletic, the picture of wealth and good breeding.

Internal Journey: He was every bit his father’s successor until he became a drunk. He’s trying to get back to that place but held back by his own demons.

External Journey: Drunk to saviour of the company empire.

Motivation: Sobriety- he’s trying to remember the events of the murder.

Wound: He saw himself surpassing his father and it scared both of them.

Mission/Agenda: To find a place outside his father’s long shadow.

Secret: He saved Fielding’s family but never told anyone.

What makes them special? He’s the only one who has the understanding of all the moving parts of the company to take the helm.

Antagonist #2 The Killer

Role in the story: Predator, someone who will stay cloaked until the very last scene.

Age range and description: Don’t know. I’m still deciding who it is.

Internal Journey: Confident, feeling as though they got away with it until their confidence slowly erodes and they’re found out.

External Journey: Places themselves in the investigation to derail it but found out from Fielding who believes in Bryce and keeps looking for another option.

Motivation: to avoid being found out, he has no regard for body count.

Wound: Feels slighted by the family, unseen and unrecognized for who they are.

Mission/Agenda: to destroy the establishment and build it up in his/her own image.

Secret: Something ridiculous. I’m still thinking.

What makes them special? They are able to seem sane and competent, disguising a murderous rage.

Christi Falk

Member

June 9, 2021 at 1:10 am in reply to: Introduce Yourself To The Group

Hey, I’m Christi.

I’ve written 2 full feature length scripts but absolutely know they suck. I’m here to get my first script in ship shape for the regular Big Break submission.

Something unusual about me is that I have near photographic memory of every movie I’ve ever seen. Helps a lot when I’m writing a genre and just binge as many films as I can. I know what I’ve come up with is unique because I’ve seen what others have made. Of course, my writing group loves it as I can always match their script with a tonal comparison. I wish that had a real life application. lol!

I’m excited to hopefully sell my scripts to pay off my mortgage. Tally ho!

Christi Falk

Member

June 7, 2021 at 4:16 am in reply to: Post Day 1 Assignment Here

WHODUNIT – AKA – AMERICAN ABOMINATION BECAUSE PEOPLE DON’T FREAKING READ AGATHA CHRISTIE*

Newly married and promoted, Lance Fielding must investigate the murder of a billionaire in a remote estate where nothing is as it seems.

*I made that title in fury as my classic Christie whodunit was universally panned by my writing group. They loved the title so much that I keep it in as it may end up selling it. This will be a page one rewrite to bring it up to the vomiting sweater movie palate. In case you’re wondering, the original working title was ‘From the Manor Borne’.

Christi Falk

Member
June 8, 2021 at 3:51 am in reply to: Post Day 1 Assignment Here
My apologies, I thought the pre -work longline was asked for. The Assignment 1 is below:

Lieutenant Lancelot Fielding’s Transformational Journey

From this assignment I’ve learned that the investigator’s arc is just as if not more important than the plotting of clues and red herrings.

Fielding’s journeys:

Internal: From first generation cop uncertain in his identity to mastering his role by solving a diabolical crime.

External: From newlywed and new lieutenant to family man and confident authority(solved crime).

Old Ways: Cautious, solitary. Has friends but choses not to outshine them

New Ways: Confident and capable of delegation with friends and coworkers turned subordinates, able to shine and solve the crime.
- This reply was modified 4 years ago by Christi Falk. Reason: Forgot last prompt request

Christi Falk

Member

January 21, 2024 at 12:04 am in reply to: Lesson 17

Danielle, spectacular!

The premise is amazing- like the Top Hat mystery by Ellery Queen.

The surprise at the end is great. I love that you chose understanding as the trait to add. It added a dimension to an otherwise flat character.

The stakes were high as she’s got a newborn and the threat of abandonment is real. I don’t know how she’d think to hide this child or her own heritage when it’s bound to come out but the premise of Suits was just as tenuous and it made it for many seasons.

The dialogue seems a bit clunky at times, maybe shortened or halted sentences would be better?

The pacing is good and the dilemma is the main trait that seems to hang over the room like a knife.

Well done!

Christi Falk

Member

January 13, 2024 at 9:24 pm in reply to: Lesson 15

Danielle,

Sorry it’s taken me so long to reply. Usually I dedicate my computer time for the weekends. Work has been absorbing!

Loved the characters. They embody the logline and the subtext of their dialogue is very clever and clear. You’ve used the tools to great effect.

I would say the main take away is that they’ve resolved that they can’t work together but they’re not too upset about it. This would be an interesting short to a main feature. You should consider it!

When you get to the place where we discuss in comments to form a writing group, message me with the contact info I’ve provided. By then you’ll have gotten the skills enough for where we are.

I’m very focused on a January 31st deadline now so you aren’t missing much!

Have an awesome weekend and I look forward to your next story. 🙂

Christi

Christi Falk

Member

December 16, 2023 at 4:01 am in reply to: Lesson 27

Mike- great changing up the location to amp up the drama. Loved that! Made the characters seem more real. Also, very thriller video at the end. Makes us think, was this his plan all along?

Christi Falk

Member

December 16, 2023 at 3:57 am in reply to: Lesson 26

Hi Susan, this is awesome! I think you’ve added a new reality genre!

Christi Falk

Member

December 16, 2023 at 3:52 am in reply to: Lesson 26

Mike, I love this. You really have a flair for character voice! You can feel the period piece and the darkness of the trip.

Both are trapped in the time but both will be good for each other. Bravo!

Christi Falk

Member

December 13, 2023 at 3:50 pm in reply to: Lesson 11

Ah, that explains it then. You can’t sell something that doesn’t exist. I’d recommend writing it- for a feature it should be 85- 110 pages. Any more and it shows you don’t have discipline. Any less and it’s not a feature.

Nothing anyone can tell you means anything until you have a completed feature.

Don’t be down on yourself, if you can’t write, you can always hire someone else to do it. As long as you have money to pay them and are willing to share credit.

Christi Falk

Member

December 13, 2023 at 4:02 am in reply to: Lesson 11

First things first- is this a completed feature? Have you written the story with a beginning, middle and end? The story you’re telling seems to flounder in the description.

Christi Falk

Member

December 12, 2023 at 6:35 pm in reply to: Lesson 11

Sorry, I meant if it’s 5M to make, as in million. Producers know this so always try to cheap down the budget. Everything’s cheaper when you can get the writer for peanuts.

Christi Falk

Member

December 12, 2023 at 6:17 pm in reply to: Lesson 11

Hi Robert,

Just so you know, you say stripper in a query, you’ve broken the 50k ceiling. Weird that he didn’t say it in class but if your script is over 5 K to make, that’s usually an automatic 6 figure deal. Usually starting at 130k.

Also, there are people in the world who say they’re writers and haven’t written Jack. Only 5% of people who say they’re writers have actually done something. So, remember, you’re special!

I’m sorry but I don’t see anything that would be controversial. Here are some examples: in the 80s, sex workers battled to be able to wear condoms. This was a massive deal since they thought testing once a month was enough. Remember AIDs? Yeah, controversial.

Another controversial lawsuit was Johnny Halloween suing luc besson over a movie that clearly looked nothing like his. He had to go to France for a judge to take him seriously. That was CLEARLY about something else.

I know you don’t want to give broad strokes but if you don’t, here’s what will happen: either someone will buy the concept for a few pennies and give it to another writer who will make millions or ask you for the beats. Better to give broad strokes now as that’s still hard to recreate than to give out the beats. Even if they ask for the beats, the film industry is a global industry but also a small town. Talented people know each other and they learn to avoid the hacks.

Hope that helps!

Christi Falk

Member

December 11, 2023 at 1:36 pm in reply to: Lesson 11

Hi Jane, thanks for the notes! I’ll work on my query letter with the emphasis you’ve mentioned.

Yes, someone tried to update it in the 80s. It stars Stephanie Zimbalist and it was about 5-10 million in adjusted dollars. It showed. There’s just no way to do Agatha Christie on the cheap.

It’s okay though, I do have other scripts that can be done in the lower range.

I probably won’t get to the adjustment until this weekend!

Christi Falk

Member

December 11, 2023 at 1:30 am in reply to: Lesson 11

Robert,

Thank you for the clarification! You may want to add a note that although these stories are compiled from different women, the lead character is a fictionalized compilation.

It would also be great to have a finer point on what the landmark ruling did for women in the workplace.

It reads now like a story saying world peace has been achieved yet there are still wars happening all around us.

If you could put a finer point on the previous world pre- litigation then drive home the change.

Otherwise, can’t wait til you find a Producer/Manager!

Christi Falk

Member

December 10, 2023 at 6:29 am in reply to: Lesson 23

Hi Susan,

I was wondering about the traits! Good idea to switch them. You’ve really embraced the project and made it your own. The voices are really unique. Loved the flip that she was the agent.

Christi Falk

Member

December 10, 2023 at 6:24 am in reply to: Lesson 23

Hi Mike, this is great! Love the polite touch.

Sorry about dragging my feet with everything but Christmas has just fried my creative writing time. How about January 11th? It’s a Thursday and 7pm mountain time? Not sure how that would line up with everyone. I don’t have zoom but I was thinking of using the free Google connection. Let me know!

Christi Falk

Member

December 10, 2023 at 4:18 am in reply to: Lesson 11

Hi Jane,

As previously mentioned, I love the concept! Your Bio is strong but just a note that the query letter seems a bit short. As you’ve described it, it seems a bit like a youtube video. Maybe mention some of the challenges? Are they having difficulty being taken seriously? eg. Oscar- when Stallone’s character was trying to go straight, he kept being chased by police, who were certain it was just an act. Are there other things pulling her in the other direction? I wouldn’t be afraid to give a few of the beats in the query letter.

Otherwise, loved it!

Christi Falk

Member

December 10, 2023 at 4:14 am in reply to: Lesson 11

Hi Isti,

I love the story and your Bio is strong. The first sentence is great but the next two are a bit clunky. I think you mentioned English isn’t your primary language so I took a stab at the secondary sentences. I hope that’s okay. Feel free to play around with them further of course.

For the script, it sounds very engaging!

Edit ideas:

Simon and his 8 year old daughter arrive in (Countries name) under military occupation, where he’s about to draft the most influential and crippling contract ever made.

When riots break out across the country and and his daughter is seriously injured in the chaos, he must break every contract he’s ever made but the only one with the power to help is his most dangerous enemy.

Christi Falk

Member

December 10, 2023 at 4:04 am in reply to: Lesson 11

Hi John,

I do love the way the Query letter is written, very much highlighting the whimsical, farcical nature of the feature.

I would just recommend being a bit less clinical with your descriptors. Inject, Sperm and Impregnate were three very clinical words in the opening sentence. Maybe there are ways you can say it without saying it? Storks untimely delivery etc? If you want lewd language, Shakespeare was downright obscene in many of his plays. May want to mine that for info.

Also, Hal mentioned that if you don’t have any accolades yet, omit the Bio line. I’d do that in this case.

Just my take! I wish you well. 🙂

Christi Falk

Member

December 10, 2023 at 3:55 am in reply to: Lesson 11

Hi Robert,

It’s interesting- just a point of clarification- is this a true story or a work of fiction?

If true, it would be interesting to understand the ‘landmark’ part of the lawsuit when the casting couch remained alive and well until the Weinstein era, and arguably still exists.

If it’s a work of fiction, I’d address why if it was a landmark case, why it clearly still goes on.

Lol, just a woman’s perspective.

Otherwise, well written query!

Christi Falk

Member

December 9, 2023 at 1:45 am in reply to: Lesson 22

Finally back in but for some reason I can’t edit.lol.

Logline- Grandpa calls a truce with Rusty, then tries to get him potty trained before his Mom gets home.

Structure:

A Suspense- grandpa staying is temporary or is it?

B Major twist- GP is staying in Rustys room. Rusty can’t play or even sleep as he normally does.

C Surprise – Rusty tries to do regular things like clean up his room and have his snack the right way but GP can’t do it right.

D- more intense setting- doesn’t really work but have planned alien things in a familiar environment.

E- Mislead/Reveal- Seems like GP needs medical care- but really Mom is pregnant.

F. Superior Position/ Dramatic Irony- The doctor calls, doctor talk- drivers licence.

G- Uncertainty- GP will go then won’t. Mom will be here then won’t.

H- Intrigue/Scheming – GP tries to twist Mom’s absence into male bonding.

Mom calls but GP left his phone off.

I – Mystery- Why is GP here with Rusty? Where did everyone go?

J- cliffhanger- Baby? Eww!

K- Dilemma- rusty could starve or not have GP food. Either bad

L- Something Unseen – We don’t see the childbirth that is happening

CHARACTER

A Character changes radically –

Gp- upset to be left alone but positive for Rusty.

Rusty- finally pees standing up

B Betrayal- Mom has betrayed Rusty by leaving him with GP

C- dilemma- rusty needs to get things done but can’t do them his way.

D- uncomfortable moment- where did the potty go?!?

E. Misinterpreted- GP is a babysitter, not being housed from a nursing home.

3. Dialogue

A. Hook- GP begins to arrange the home- preparing for the arrival of the new guest.

B- Predictions – you’re not the only one in the universe.

C- Creating a Future- bonding, despite Rustys pushback.

D. Anticipatory Dialogue-

When will gramps be going to the nursing home?

You’re not the only one in the universe.

Christi Falk

Member

December 3, 2023 at 11:41 pm in reply to: Lesson 20

Good point! Maybe ask the help line?

Also – I’ve asked the help line twice about our prompts and have received nothing. I think that means I’m correct and we can use it as everything we write is copywritten. Just can’t reveal his prompts so just change them. And the names. Credit Jumpers have been doing it for years.

Christi Falk

Member

December 3, 2023 at 10:40 pm in reply to: Lesson 20

Hey Susan, so as far as I understand, the subtext is part of the reveal. That means something hidden is about to come to light. Someone found out that a secret wasn’t kept. Someone knows another is going to get beaten up. I’m assuming if they knew the subtext, they would not be beaten up, etc. This is why I’ve made each subtext to show the thing that isn’t known.

Christi Falk

Member

December 1, 2023 at 4:51 am in reply to: Lesson 20

It’s after this assignment. Lol, or it’s the other class I’m taking. Either way, I was shut out during the time I saved up. Maybe when Mike shows up we could plan a chat next week about this assignment? I’m a bit confused about my characters too. It would be great if we helped each other. I’m in Mountain Time, where are you guys?

Christi Falk

Member

December 1, 2023 at 4:45 am in reply to: Lesson 20

Just had to wait out a DoS attack and now it’s too late to watch the video. Anyone who thinks computers are the future of anything should have their head examined.

Susan and Mike, and to whomever makes it this far, my email is christifalk1@gmail.com. Message me so we can chat the next outage.

Christi Falk

Member

December 1, 2023 at 3:11 am in reply to: Lesson 20

Oh no! Feel better soon!

I read that Subtext is the secret they’re keeping from the other. In the case of Jack and Locke, I’d say Jack is keeping the secret that he thinks all that mystical stuff is crazy(and knows there’s something off with Locke, medically) While of course Locke is keeping that he used to be in a freaking wheelchair! And of course they’re all dead. And it was the most sexist, misogynistic set at the height of it’s power and nobody cared. lol.

So, think of the things each character isn’t telling the other. Atleast, that’s how I did it.

Christi Falk

Member

November 29, 2023 at 8:52 pm in reply to: Lesson 19: Exchange feedback on Mastery Cycle 4

Hi Susan, thanks for the reminder! I did email but I can’t find it in my sent mail. AI gremlins must have gotten it. I’ve just resent.

Basically, my argument is that parts one and two of the confidentiality agreement guarantee our copyright.

Eg-

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

Christi Falk

Member

November 29, 2023 at 5:20 am in reply to: Lesson 7

Break the internet instead of the law! LOVE that!

Christi Falk

Member

November 26, 2023 at 11:24 pm in reply to: Lesson 19: Exchange feedback on Mastery Cycle 4

Hi Susan, thanks for the notes!

For fakes crestfallen, love it!

For forgetting Josie’s name, I was referencing an old band Josie and the pussycats. Which she was trying to hide so she’d purposely not say that name.

For Maxime- that was a hillarious mistake. There’s a restaurant down the street from where I grew up and it had the most amazing food- Maxime’s. I guess I just did that subconsciously.

You’re absolutely right, it should have been wrecked a bit but I was hoping to emphasize Maxine knew she had to hide.

I thought the Devious would have been obvious with hiding Maxine but I get it. Also, my conformist trait may have not been visible but the cat was the sam colour as the couch so the cat would blend in and not be visible.

Thanks for the amazing notes!

Christi Falk

Member

November 25, 2023 at 10:13 pm in reply to: Lesson 5

I’m right there with you Jane! I don’t know if I’m particularly dense but he used the word Synopsis in the assignment and nowhere above. Lol, master class indeed!

Christi Falk

Member

November 25, 2023 at 9:46 pm in reply to: Lesson 17

Susan it is! Wow, you must have all day to write. I’m so jealous! By the time I retire, I don’t know if the earth will still exist. I’m working hard to afford a home one day- probably just a tiny one but something I know is mine. They say it’s a statistical impossibility but I’ve never believed in Fate so Economics is a close second on my boogeyman metre.

I can’t wait to read your updated story!

I must have missed that Maxine reported Renee to the police. Sorry, I’ve really been burning the candle at all ends. I promise I’ll give it a thorough read before I give my next review.

Have you tried to watch a movie since taking this course? It’s literally impossible. I tried to watch Genie on Prime last night and I had to stop after 20 minutes. Ridiculous that the husband had the box ‘sitting around’ and she was in there for 2000 years, that nobody was looking for it, that, as a person with atleast a passing knowledge in archaeology he wouldn’t be the slightest interested in it’s provenance or to set the rules with said Genie, etc, etc, etc. The daughter absolutely should have gotten it. The comedic value would have been much greater.

There’s the saying: Tell me you wrote your script with AI without telling me you wrote your script with AI.

AI can’t do comedy. Period.

McCarthy could only do so much. Writers need to quarterback and that was a game with too little players on the field.

I’m realizing that I’m going to make a killing. Seriously, watch it like a drinking game, and take a drink every time they make a horrible writing decision. You’ll be drunk in 5 minutes. LOL.

I should have my revised script up soon!

Christi Falk

Member

November 25, 2023 at 2:52 pm in reply to: Lesson 8

Hey Danielle! Just checking in to see how things are going. I’ll be checking back no matter how long this takes so don’t worry, I’ll review you. You got this!

Christi Falk

Member

November 24, 2023 at 4:56 am in reply to: Lesson 17

Hey Mike! Great minds think alike! I’ve also done roommates.

From what I put in for Susan, I wanted to get the most out of our last 3 entries and I’m working 10 hour shifts for this week so I’m a bit slow. Sorry about that! Can’t wait to be one of those rich writers that can lounge around all day in pyjamas while writing!

For your story- First- 6 pages is too long. Period. The assignment was 2-5. If you turned this in, they’d probably discard without reading. Following instructions is crazy important for the folks with money.

For your substitution- paranoid to sarcastic- feels like a comedy genre change. Has the potential to be way more dramatic. Good choice!

The logline sets up a bit of a rivalry. Very good and we know what to expect.

P 4- I do not think she did it- Twenty somethings always use contractions. This seems robotic. or a different language? If she’s from immigrant parents, better to mention at the beginning.

The traits that come through are Maxine’s sarcasm, snobbery and trickery are very visible. The emotionally wounded is there but fleetingly. Renee showed her prissy(Taylor Swift!), outgoing and devious side but I struggled to see Conformist.

The subtext for Renee- her wavering about Sarah’s secret, we really didn’t get to understand- did she kill herself, did she not? Why is she the roommate or is that another sarah? She did win at the end but it doesn’t seem like she really earned it more than Maxine.

Maxine’s subtext was there even though it didn’t work out in the end.

The dialogue felt clunky, like lead balloons. I’d recommend watching some Gilmore girls. Sarcasm drips from each main character, even as they interact with others who don’t have that trait. There’s a rhythm to sarcasm.

For the interest techniques

Hook-Wow, did she die? Was it a bird? A Plane? Well done.

Dilemma- they both want the space but only one can get it and if they do, Sarah dies.

Predictions- the trash talk was funny

Something unseen- So many things. Not really getting the mother reference. Or the teacher – what happened there?

Mystery- So many things. Maybe choose one to flesh out. Remember, this is one scene, not the full story. It’s like you’re walking by a movie that already started.

Creating a future – a little but then, the dialogue is so vague we don’t know which future to root for. Also, Maxine comes off as the strongest character. Maybe her winning would be a different option?

Anticipatory dialogue – Many, many points of wonder. Again, I’d grab one and flesh it out.

Cliff hangers- yes Did Sarah die?

Uncomfortable moment- Maxine hugs Renee, very good at the uncomfortable scene.

All in all, it seems like Wednesday meets Sweet Valley High. I love the idea and the way it’s going, it just needs dialogue tightened and about a page shaved off.

I do hope you aren’t offended by my long list of points. You’ve gotten so good, we’re here to make each other better. In my writing group, I regularly get torn apart. I’m so grateful to them because when you’re not told about a plot that needs fixing, it’s like walking around with no pants on. Obvious yes! Why wouldn’t anyone tell me I forgot? LOL.

Anyways, hopefully I’ll get to the next bit by the weekend. Unless I can score more OT.

Christi Falk

Member

November 24, 2023 at 4:32 am in reply to: Lesson 17

Hey Sue (please let me know if that’s okay!)

Had an interesting idea for our critique sessions. Since critiquing each other after we make a rewrite is cray, I thought I’d add some critiques on this page, then with the final note, provide the comparison and what I liked about the improvement. With only 3 left to go, it would be great and I think we’ve all been improving so much it wouldn’t hurt to help each other get to the next level!

First- 5 pages – good but it may be better to tighen a bit. When I’m presented with a range, I try to land somewhere in the middle. Not sure if the page restriction is a budget thing and I’m always paranoid on the low side. Of course, this may just be too picky so you can decide.

The request to change a trait to more dramatic- Conformist to Violent- very good choice!

The logline doesn’t need to have the ages in them, the action line does. When describing a scene, the more you help the reader see what you want them to, the better.

pg 3- Sandra’s dialogue- She didn’t see who it was but thinks it was? A bit confusing.

Are you sure you want them 15? Unless they’re on aderall or something, the extreme violence from a 15 year old seems very out of place.

The traits that stand out are Maxine’s emotional wounds and paranoia. I didn’t really get her snobbish and tricky, although an argument can be made for her being tricky by avoiding the traps of Renee.

Renee showed her deviousness very well, the prissy nature with the ordering- I actually read that as rich. What 15 yr old acts like that at a restaurant when they have to watch their wallet as well as their calories? Violent was clear and outgoing seemed a bit of a stretch. I’m unsure if this was shown directly.

The subtext was crystal clear for Renee while Maxine seemed more like a victim that won without work when the police officer took Renee away.

For the interest techniques

Hook – car accident was a pretty decent hook. Maybe get to that earlier?

Dilemma- Losing Renee as a friend or dying as she knows her bike has been sabotaged, really good technique for Maxine.

Predictions- Renee’s wrong prediction about being victorious.

Something unseen- the menu hiding Renees reaction to Maxime’s justifyable paranoia.

Mystery – Renee needed to be stopped. Who would do it?

Creating a future- when Maxine chose to swap bikes, if she was up to the task, she could win the race!

Anticipatory dialogue- Renee’s threats at anyone or anything that would stop her.

Cliff hangers – Will Renee re-emerge? 15 is too young to be tried as an adult. If she’s as rich as she seems, it would probably be dropped to community service. Also, could be a bigger cliffhanger.

Uncomfortable moment- Maxine feels the toxicity from Renee when she tries to break free and Renee destroys any hint of independence .

I hate doing notes when they’re not in person. I always feel like they seem so mean. I’m really just trying to be helpful and I hope you read them as that. As I said before, you do have a talent for writing women. I look forward to the polished draft!

Christi Falk

Member

November 21, 2023 at 4:25 am in reply to: Lesson 16: Exchange feedback on Mastery Cycle 3

Thanks Mike! I’ve actually requested clarification on where we end and the Copyright begins. I mean, absolutely, we don’t want to show how the prompts were developed but we’re all making some pretty awesome stuff and it would be cool if some of it could be salvaged.

Christi Falk

Member

November 21, 2023 at 4:23 am in reply to: Lesson 15

Thank you Susan, you’re right. I’ll work harder with my next prompt. As always, appreciate the truth! 🙂

Christi Falk

Member

November 19, 2023 at 6:14 am in reply to: Lesson 14

Susan!!! Yes, very true. I had to download Google Chrome for replying but use Safari for printing out the prompts. Weirdly, there’s a header in Chrome that blocks out some of the instructions.

I was thinking it’s because I’m on an iMac but now I think it’s just their system. I mean, we’re working from Lost episodes. I feel like sending him my copy of Mo Ryan’s Burn it Down. Atleast we’re not reading Sleepy Hollow snips.

For your story, love the world you’ve built! The characters are very true to their structure and the funny way she puts her finger up his nose when he looks over her shoulder is a laugh out loud moment.

Christi Falk

Member

November 19, 2023 at 5:12 am in reply to: Lesson 2

Glad to hear it! I would absolutely open with that.

Also, my apologies, I should have used Madarasz to address you. Unless you prefer being addressed by your last name?

Christi Falk

Member

November 17, 2023 at 12:58 pm in reply to: Lesson 2

*showrunner

Christi Falk

Member

November 17, 2023 at 12:15 am in reply to: Lesson 2

Hi Jane,

This is interesting! The fact that you’ve got such amazing life experiences, I would even think you’ve got a great series on your hands! Doesn’t matter if you’ve only got one story when the story is so full of potential!

I don’t really know much about TV but you can pitch yourself as a shortener and probably get a few seasons out of it!

Christi Falk

Member

November 16, 2023 at 7:33 pm in reply to: Lesson 2

Hi Isti,

Interesting story! I would recommend underlining if it’s a Public Domain work or if you have the rights to it. If not, I’d get them quick!

Christi Falk

Member

November 16, 2023 at 12:49 am in reply to: Lesson 14

Mike, you’ve done the points very well and the betrayal once or twice could be bought as scheming but I struggled to see the Caring trait. It seemed at the end that Squire’s subtext didn’t work as his charm was utterly unable to control Nancy.

Otherwise, amazing Romancing the Stone meets that Colleen Dewhurst Gorilla movie I can’t quite seem to remember the name of. Probably Disney. Good job!

Christi Falk

Member

November 13, 2023 at 11:44 pm in reply to: Lesson 13

Thank you! I’ll keep plunking away. The key must be in formatting.

I’m also a lunatic that took 2 courses at once while working full time- I took the 13 day course about how to market your screenplay that starts today. I figured it didn’t mean anything to get my scripts awesome when I have no idea how to market or pitch. Hey, I got scripts, you buyin? doesn’t seem a best pitch. LOL!

Christi Falk

Member

November 13, 2023 at 7:25 pm in reply to: Lesson 13

Love this! Very Harry and the Hendersons crossed with ET. It’s about time we had a decent monster movie!

Christi Falk

Member

November 13, 2023 at 2:59 am in reply to: Lesson 12

I was just going to say! This really sounds awesome 🙂

Christi Falk

Member

November 11, 2023 at 2:27 am in reply to: Lesson 10: Exchange Feedback on Cycle 2

Susan!! I’ve been trying to reply to you but just couldn’t. I’ve finally had to download Chrome- definitely NOT a secure browser on my iMac to be able to reply. So sorry this has taken a bit! Sent you a connect to send you my contact info. If I ever can’t get back on hopefully we can connect off this site!

My main bumps were the fact that he’s led in further and further into the mansion, seemingly of his own volition. It would help if he were cuffed or something to make his browsing seem defiant of his imprisonment.

The cat and mouse resonated when he was discussing the painting, pretending he didn’t know it was purchased. Maybe implying it was a knockoff? The dialogue is sharp and snappy. Then when the food was discussed, it just seemed strange that a spread was out for him. Then again, I’ve really only seen one Bond film so that could be it. I did get a flash of Spy with Melissa McCarthy from the beginning so there’s the campy spy right there.

Of course, I’ve had a cold all this week so it could just be that too. It’s a very interesting scene!

Christi Falk

Member

November 9, 2023 at 4:02 am in reply to: Lesson 10: Exchange Feedback on Cycle 2

Thanks Mike! It is always difficult to write quickly and daring is a strange trait to demonstrate!

Member

October 31, 2023 at 4:01 am in reply to: Lesson 6

Please see review on Forum 7

This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by Christi Falk.
This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by Christi Falk.

Christi Falk

Member

October 23, 2023 at 6:09 pm in reply to: Lesson 2

It’s a Spanish film where several patients are double booked for a doctor’s appointment. Their quirks are taken to the extreme and it’s very funny. Dropped off Netflix but I’m sure it can still be streamed somewhere. Your story reminds me of the humour of it!

Christi Falk

Member

October 23, 2023 at 2:37 pm in reply to: Lesson 2

Hi Susan, this is funny! Is this a short or feature? Very Toc Toc.

Christi Falk

Member

October 22, 2023 at 5:59 pm in reply to: Lesson 1

I wouldn’t worry! It’s absolutely work at your own pace. I discovered yesterday the script I chose to work on is completely wrong! I’m doing massive edits as I prepare for the lesson 2 assignment. 😊

Christi Falk

Member

October 18, 2023 at 1:25 am in reply to: Introduce yourself to the group

Hello Anita! I grew up in Winnipeg so you need no introduction! So excited to have a Winnipeg connection on this site!

Christi Falk

Member

June 12, 2021 at 1:23 am in reply to: Post Day 3 Assignment Here

I’ve asked the customer service feedback.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure it’s an amazingly helpful course but there’s no point to posting everything for the world to see without feedback. I’ll just continue in my notebook from here on out. I’m sure they’ll reply soon and I’ll keep you posted.

Christi Falk

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