Christopher Dalbey
Forum Replies Created
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Christopher’s Supporting Characters
Vision: To claim “screenwriter” as my primary profession and to be well respected and sought after in the industry for my scripts that are both memorable and ground-breaking.
What I learned doing this assignment is that supporting characters serve a significant purpose for the lead characters and to help move the story along. If they are not serving this purpose, they should be removed.
Supporting Characters: new world army top general, Dr. Dahl’s father, Nia’s husband, colleagues from the past, Jayla’s friends.
Background Characters: libertarian officers, incarcerated killers, new world bureaucrats, underground radicals
SUPPORT 1:
Name: Nia Coleman
Role: Dr. Dahl’s transcriber
Main purpose: to assist Dr. Dahl in understanding the elite line of killers so as to be better equipped for the pending war.
Value: Her contributions in Dr. Dahl’s evaluations are of significant value to both Dr. Dahls and and the rest of the old world.
Support 2:
Name: Dr. Hannah Dahl
Role: World’s top psychologist
Main purpose: to better understand these killers in her treatments while secretly aiding their take over.
Value: a huge asset to both the new world order and of the revolt.
Support 3:
Name: Jayla Coleman
Role: Nia’s daughter
Main purpose: help her mother secretly fight her battles in the alternate dimension.
Value: makes Nia’s battles more hopeful.
Support 4:
Name: Commander Helix Fox
Role: Commander of the new world order
Main purpose: To negotiate with Dr. Dahl to secure her place in the new world.
Value: has a direct line to the revolt in his communications with Dr. Dahl.
Support 5:
Name: Gordon Dahl
Role: Dr. Dahl’s father
Main purpose: to advise Dr. Dahl down the wrong paths.
Value: Dr. Dahl’s father complex puts her in an inferior position to him.
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Christopher’s Character Profiles Part II
Vision: To claim “screenwriter” as my primary profession and to be well respected and sought after in the industry for my scripts that are both memorable and ground-breaking.
What I learned doing this assignment is how much more alive and interesting my characters are becoming the more I load their profiles with intrigue and depth.
NIA COLEMAN
The High Concept: In an alternate realm, Nia discovers her supernatural abilities while seeking vengeance on her late husband’s killer … and at odds with Dr. Dahl who secretly leads the new line of killers to reign in the new world order.
Character’s journey – from betrayed and tragic to essential and courageous.
The Actor Attractors for this character: Approachable, empathetic, crime consultant, lifesaver, absolved and vindicated, a warrior of great supernatural powers.
Role in the Story: Protagonist
Age range and Description: late 30’s to early 40’s, a physical force, very impressionable, sharp with a dreamy aesthetic.
Core Traits: academic, kind hearted, broken, has grit, mind over matter.
Motivation; Want/Need: to be respected among her academic peers/to find the killer that stole her family from her.
Wound: A crippling anxiety disorder.
Likability: Her resolution is her demise. A fighter.
Relatability: sees the good in all things. Gives everyone the benefit of the doubt.
Empathy: her sacrifices to get where she is for a better life for the family that was taken from her.
Character Subtext: her secret plan (to find her husband’s killer for justice and retribution )
Character Intrigue: her realization that she is a badass in the alternate dimension.
Flaw: the more she embraces her powers the more her anxiety is exacerbated in the real world.
Values: her sound moral and ethical code when it comes to family, which means going above and beyond when these very codes are disrupted and/or broken.
Character Dilemma: the balancing act between her esteemed professional career and the codes she must break in order to find retribution for her family.
DR. HANNAH DAHL
The High Concept: A world renowned psychologist whose clients she treats are apart of the new world that she covertly helps so that she secures a high office in the new world.
Character’s journey – from a celebrated top psychologist to a trusted ally among the new world order.
power-hungry ambition
The Actor Attractors for this character: An intellect, motherhood ambitions, power-hungry ambition, devious.
Role in the Story: antagonist
Age range and Description: 40’ish; alluring warmth, motherly, brilliant, the friend you can count on.
Core Traits: intellectual, imaginative, charming, a woman scorned, devious.
Motivation; Want/Need: Wants to secure her place in the new world/ needs to fulfill her inexhaustible urges for motherhood.
Wound: Comes from a broken home. Infertility.
Likability: Her high IQ.She is the friend that you can confide in.
Relatability: Her friends are like family.
Empathy: Natural motherly instincts for a woman who suffers from infertility.
Character Subtext: hides from Nia that she is assisting the new world order to claim their reign in the new world; she’s also connecting with Jayla (Nia’s daughter) on a motherly level that Nia was never able to fulfill.
Character Intrigue: her unorthodox methods to psychotherapy.
Flaw: her determination for her unorthodox methods to work but that they could backfire and land her into some real trouble.
Values: Motherhood, friendship, power, intimacy.
Character Dilemma: her insatiable sexual inhibitions for validation of the self love she lacks.
JAYLA COLEMAN
The Actor Attractors for this character: gifted, creative, knows how to stand up for herself, wise beyond her years.
Role in the Story: Nia’s gifted biological daughter.
Age range and Description: early teens, brave, the girl who can hang with the boys, the girl all the boys want to be around.
Core Traits: artistic, open, adventurous, spirited.
Motivation; Want/Need: wants to be a part of Nia’s life/needs to be loved and appreciated.
Wound: neglected and blind.
Likability: wants to enjoy life and believes in love.
Relatability: tries too hard to impress when she is best being herself.
Empathy: She feels misunderstood and disconnected.
Character Subtext: has access to the alternate dimension and helps her mother without her knowing it.
Character Intrigue: is gifted and is also a super power in alternate universes.
Flaw: her loneliness desire to be loved.
Values: her broken family.
Character dilemma: Dr. Dahl fill the motherly shoes while stealthily assisting her real mother in the alternate realm.
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Christopher’s Character Profiles Part I
My Vision: To claim “screenwriter” as my primary profession and to be well respected and sought after in the industry for my scripts that are both memorable and ground-breaking.
What I learned doing this assignment is the importance of synching the character profiles so that they match up with the high concept. While doing so, the high concept is even more elevated the deeper we dig into our character’s psyche.
NIA COLEMAN
The High Concept: Once Nia discovers her supernatural abilities, her vengeance is to find her husband’s killer and daughter’s assailant. Even at the cost of undermining Dr. Dahl’s unorthodox methods of treating the new line of elite criminals.
Character’s journey – from betrayed and tragic to essential and courageous.
The Actor Attractors for this character: Approachable, empathetic, crime consultant, lifesaver, absolved and vindicated, a warrior of great supernatural powers.
Role in the Story: Protagonist
Age range and Description: late 30’s to early 40’s, a physical force, very impressionable, sharp with a dreamy aesthetic.
Core Traits: academic, kind hearted, broken, has grit, mind over matter.
Motivation; Want/Need: to be respected among her academic peers/to find the killer that stole her family from her.
Wound: A crippling anxiety disorder.
Likability: Her resolution is her demise. A fighter.
Relatability: sees the good in all things. Gives everyone the benefit of the doubt.
Empathy: her sacrifices to get where she is for a better life for the family that was taken from her.
DR. HANNAH DAHL
The High Concept: A world renowned psychologist whose clients she treats are the very criminals she covertly helps to secure a high office in the new world.
Character’s journey – from a celebrated top psychologist to a trusted ally among the new world order.
power-hungry ambition
The Actor Attractors for this character: An intellect, motherhood ambitions, power-hungry ambition, devious.
Role in the Story: antagonist
Age range and Description: 40’ish; alluring warmth, motherly, brilliant, the friend you can count on.
Core Traits: intellectual, imaginative, charming, a woman scorned, devious.
Motivation; Want/Need: Wants to secure her place in the new world/ needs to fulfill her inexhaustible urges for motherhood.
Wound: Comes from a broken home. Infertility.
Likability: Her high IQ.She is the friend that you can confide in.
Relatability: Her friends are like family.
Empathy: Natural motherly instincts for a woman who suffers from infertility.
JAYLA COLEMAN
The Actor Attractors for this character: gifted, creative, knows how to stand up for herself, wise beyond her years.
Role in the Story: Nia’s gifted biological daughter.
Age range and Description: early teens, brave, the girl who can hang with the boys, the girl all the boys want to be around.
Core Traits: artistic, open, adventurous, spirited.
Motivation; Want/Need: wants to be a part of Nia’s life/needs to be loved and appreciated.
Wound: neglected and blind.
Likability: wants to enjoy life and believes in love.
Relatability: tries too hard to impress when she is best being herself.
Empathy: She feels misunderstood and disconnected.
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Christopher Dalbey’s Likability, Relatability, Empathy
My Vision: To claim “screenwriter” as my primary profession and to be well respected and sought after in the industry for my scripts that are both memorable and ground-breaking.
What I learned is the importance of having the audience connected with both the protagonist and antagonist on many levels so they are committed to the character journeys.
NIA COLEMAN
Likability: She is down to earth and always sees the good in people, whether they are superhuman killers or not.
Relatability: Family is everything to her and will stop and nothing to find her late husband’s killer and find happiness in her estranged daughter’s life. Had a long and winding road for her achievements professionally.
Empathy: The downside to her supernatural empath abilities is that she suffers from anxiety disorder in the real world; the more powerful she becomes in the altered reality the more debilitating her condition is in the real world.
DR. HANNAH DAHL
Likability: She is warm, friendly and has an appreciation for the simple things in life.
Relatability: Comes from a broken home and has “daddy” issues which gives her an inferiority complex coupled with sexual deviation issues.
Empathy: Her inability to have children makes her quite vulnerable when it comes to the safety of protecting children against the evils of the world. She covertly tries to be the mother she never could be to Nia’s daughter.
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Christopher Dalbey’s Character Intrigue
My Vision: To claim “screenwriter” as my primary profession and have the time to write as prolifically as I intend, to be well respected and sought after in the industry for my scripts that are both memorable and ground-breaking.
What I learned from doing this assignment is that the more that is tucked in the subtext the more the audience will be intrigued by the characters journeys.
Concept: In the future, a top psychologist is assigned a transcriber with empath and supernatural abilities who puts herself in the shoes of the world’s deadliest criminals, covertly becoming their judge and jury.
Title: THE TRANSCRIBER
Character Name: NIA COLEMAN
Role: Protagonist
Hidden agendas: A killer among killers; to find her husband’s killer and dughter’s assailant.
Competition: The killers she helps assess in therapy. Also, Dr. Dahl.
Conspiracies: As different identities in time travel, she conspires with her blind daughter to discover the truths of these killers and to find her husband’s murderer.
Secrets: Investigates the killers on her own terms in an altered dimension.
Deception: Misleads Dr. Dahl in believing she and her are making headway with unorthodox methods when she is making better progress in alternate dimension.
Unspoken Wound: Her tumultuous past of drugs and crime.
Secret Identity: Feels more like herself as a supernatural power in time now travel universe; the unsung hero in another dimension.
Character Name: DR. DAHL
Role: Antagonist
Hidden agendas: To lead her army of hybrid killers to victory over humankind, to secure her place in the new world.
Competition: Her assigned transcriber, Nia, who works closely with her with all the killers in real time.
Conspiracies: Plots to be awarded a powerful figure in the new world for her merits in aiding the new order to victory over humankind.
Secrets: She is a deviant who seduces her treated subjects fro sexual gratification. Knows Jayla is her real daughter.
Deception: Plays up her role as the psycho-therapist who has the remedy to win the war, all while acting as a decoy for social gain and status with the new order.
Unspoken Wound: she was sexually assualted and had a child (Jayla) that she gave up for adoption.
Secret Identity: A high ranking general of the hybrid killer army.
Character Name: JAYLA COLEMAN
Role: Triangle Character, Dr. Dahl’s biological daughter.
Hidden agendas: To aid Nia in her time travel battles.
Competition: The hybrid killers that she and Nia face in the alternate dimension.
Conspiracies: Believes Nia can save the world from ruin and wants to be like her.
Secrets: She is helping Nia fight the killers in time travel.
Deception: Hiding from Nia and Dr. Dahl that she is gifted with supernatural powers in time travel realm as well as in the real future world.
Unspoken Wound: Her mother’s love and affection.
Secret Identity: A super power in both the real world and in time travel.
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Christopher Dalbey’s Subtext Characters
My Vision: To claim “screenwriter” as my primary profession and have the time to write as prolifically as I intend, to be well respected and sought after in the industry for my scripts that are both memorable and ground-breaking.
What I learned from doing this assignment is that by layering a character’s subtext can greatly enhance their actions and convictions all throughout their transformational journey.
Concept: In the future, a top psychologist is assigned a transcriber with empath and supernatural abilities who puts herself in the shoes of the world’s deadliest criminals, covertly becoming their judge and jury.
THE TRANSCRIBER
Character: NIA COLEMAN
Subtext Identity: A time traveling superhero via heightened empathy abilities.
Subtext Trait: emotional wreckage, a survivor, cunning.
Subtext Logline: As Nia’s expeditions deepen in time travel the awareness of her super powers thinkens; her ultra-competitiveness surfaces and is determined to find her husband’s killer and daughter’s assailant.
Possible Areas of Subtext: a leader, compassionate, loyal by default.
Character: Dr. HANNAH DAHL
Subtext Identity: biological mother to JAYLA COLEMAN; general of the hybrid army.
Subtext Trait: sexual deviant, emotionally scarred, a ruler.
Subtext Logline: Dr. Dahl guises her true identity as general of the hybrid army as appointed top psychologist in evaluating theses criminals, when she is actually secretly aiding their plan to take over the world.
Possible Areas of Subtext: empathetic, motherly, a deviant, derelict.
Triangle Character: JAYLA COLEMAN
Subtext Identity: A clairvoyant who covertly assists Nia in time travel as revolving characters.
Subtext Trait: A gifted superpower in the time travel dimension.
Subtext Logline: Though Jay is resentful for her mother not being around much because of her work, she aspires to be like her and, unbeknownst to Nia, a major asset in time travel.
Possible Areas of Subtext: the chosen one, hypersensitive, a leader.
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Christopher Dalbey’s Actor Attractors!
My Vision: To claim “screenwriter” as my primary profession, have the time to write as prolifically as I intend, to be well respected and sought after in the industry for my scripts that are both memorable and ground-breaking.
I just love creating Actor Attractors for my characters!
What I learned from doing this assignment is how to really dive into my characters and see what they’re really all about. The fun part about this assignment is to imagine who would best play these roles and build the intrigue into the characters so as to attract the A-listers.
Concept: In the future, a top psychologist is assigned a transcriber with empath and supernatural abilities who puts herself in the shoes of the world’s deadliest criminals, covertly becoming their judge and jury.
Lead Character Name: NIA COLEMAN
Role: (Protagonist) a transcriber with empath abilities who is assigned to the world’s leading psycho therapist in evaluating a new line of criminals of the future.
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
She is an intellectual with badass empath abilities to weave in and out of crime scenes as different characters, giving her opportunities to unearth truths that no one else can access. A real truth seeker who has a flair for the dramatics that shows her fun side.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
The contrast of her aiding Dr. Dahl in her psycho-analysis while secretly investigating the criminals on her own terms, in time travel. The transformational journey of becoming the badass hero that saves the future world of hybrid criminals.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
Learning of her time traveling aptitude when she experiences massive anxiety attacks, the supernatural abilities that come along with it. The excitement and thrill of her transforming into characters with every scene she is transported into to duel with high level criminals.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
Showing her badass fighting skills when she does battle with these elite criminals, seeking the truth on her own terms and as different characters.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range?
From an introverted, emotionally scarred, shy intellect who always goes by the book, to a truth seeking, gutsy vigilante with empath and supernatural powers.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
From the beginning, Nia’s competitive nature comes into play when she is assigned to Dr. Dahl. But the deeper and more successful she is in her time travel investigations the more combative she is with Dr. Dahl and her theories. Especially when she learns the truths about the criminals she and Dr. Dahl are evaluating.
7. What’s the most interesting relationship this character can have?
Her and Dr. Dahls’ professional and personal relationships are both tumultuous and harmonious. They know each other’s deepest secrets and there is a level of trust that is sometimes tested when things get tough.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
Through the contrast between her own personal take of the criminal’s actions and punishment (via the time travel where she plays various characters that interact with the criminals) and her differing approach and opinions on how to treat these elite line of criminals.
9. What could make this character special and unique?
she is an introvert with academic inclinations counters her heroic and tenacious ways that becomes more apparent when she taps into this other dimension and her newfound powers.
Lead Character DR. HANNAH DAHL
Role: (antagonist) a top level psycho-therapist who has transcriber and linguistic specialist, Nia Coleman, assigned to her in helping analyze a lethal army of hybrid criminals that are invading our planet.
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
She is a world renowned psycho-therapist who is obsessed with her ground-breaking unorthodox methods of examining her patients (hybrid criminals), pushing the limits of her fantasies and reality. She struggles with her own identity and has sexual addictions.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
The contrast of her being the professional that she is but also secretly looking for a way to seduce her patients for her own sexual needs. The transformational journey of her inevitably turning into a ruthless killer herself.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
The intense scene of her being more intrigued than frightened when a therapy session goes wayward and puts her and Nia in great danger with a patient who tricks them both – she seduces him back into custody but was really testing her sexual prowess. Another scene in the last episode where she and Nia come face to face in time travel, seeing their true identities for the first time.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
A celebrated psych-therapist whose unorthodox methods may save the world from being overrun by an elite group of hybrid criminals while also satiating her sexual appetites that fuels her.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range?
From a highly intelligent and powerful psychologist to sexual deviant with a damaged past that haunts her every motive.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
From the beginning, she comes off as a scholarly psychologist who secretly yearns for power in the future world. But, because of her wounds, she is always scheming to feed her sexual needs and to remain in charge at all costs.
7. What’s the most interesting relationship this character can have?
Her and Nia’s professional and personal relationships are both tumultuous and harmonious. They know each other’s deepest secrets and there is a level of trust that is sometimes tested when things get tough.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
Through the contrast between her methods in psycho-therapy and her perverse and covert ways to lure her patients into sexual favors.
9. What could make this character special and unique?
She is fearless in her approach to treat her patients with her unorthodox methods that, at times, can be very risky and dangerous. Her methods not only are quicker paths to curing the criminals of their urges but also lends itself to understanding where these hybrid monsters come from and what they are all about.
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Christopher Dalbey’s Actor attractors for the movie ARRIVAL
What I learned from doing this assignment is an entirely other level of analyzing movies now that include the mystic of actor attractors for actors. I really enjoyed jumping into the protagonist’s journey and unearthing all of their incredible attributes, both internally and externally. I love the movie ARRIVAL and have watched it many times. But this time around, with the lesson at hand, it had a bigger impact on me, giving me ideas on how to approach the characters in my own scripts.
Movie Title: ARRIVAL
Lead Character Name: LOUISE BANKS (Amy Adams)
1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? She is a gifted linguist who breaks new ground by being able to communicate with an alien life source that seems to want to communicate with us. When she breaks through the barriers of communication, she is able to transport into the vision of her own future!
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? No matter the level of her apprehensions and the uncanny things happening to her – possibly a result from making contact with the aliens – her internal drive keeps her moving forward to have ground-breaking success in communicating with them that could potentially save the world.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? Her bravery of being elevated into the alien base to make contact with them. She risks exposure by taking off her helmet to show a sign of peace and making it more possible to speak to aliens. She is a super linguistician who speaks Farsi, Chinese, and eventually Heptopod.
4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? Louise is a linguistics professor, speaking to class while chaos ensues with an alien life source that has been detected on earth.
5. What is this character’s emotional range? Highly intelligent, courageous, fearful, fearless, grieving, loving, supportive, gutsy, heroic.
6. What subtext can the actor play? Having knowledge of the future. Empathy for the aliens.
7. What’s the most interesting relationship this character has? The bond between her and the aliens.
8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? The means to have success communicating with aliens that seem eager to communicate with her. She is always thinking outside the box to communicate on a level that can unify humankind with their kind.
9. What makes this character special and unique? Her uncanny ability to communicate with aliens and foresee the future.
10. Scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model:
The impactful scene where she is immersed (transported) inside the alien space and breaks ground by communicating with them telepathically and learns that she will birth a child who will live a very short life.
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Christopher Dalbey’’s Genre Conventions
MY VISION: to have success from this program and be one of the go-to writers in the industry for writing assignments and scripts that are both memorable and ground breaking.
What I learned from doing this assignment is that by plugging in the appropriate genre conventions into the 4 act transformational structure, the key story points and uniqueness of the story is certainly heightened.
Title: THE TRANSCRIBER
Concept: In the future, a top psychologist is assigned a transcriber with empath and supernatural abilities who puts herself in the shoes of the world’s deadliest criminals, covertly becoming their judge and jury.
CONVENTIONS OF Sci-Fi/Horror
PURPOSE: To explore the possibility of a future world where criminals are highly intelligent hybrids of extraterrestrial and human beings, from a galaxy that decorated scientists can’t pinpoint.
FANTASTIC WORLDS: This is the future world where the crime rate supersedes any kind of social norms of the past. The environment has taken such a turn that it is almost unlivable for any human being to be outdoors too long. Kindness hubs, mindfulness zones, and breeding regions is where we thrive now!
SCIENCE: Our only hope is that something can come of the unorthodox methods by esteemed psychologist, Dr. Dahl, who’s been making some headway with normalizing criminals with her specialized therapy.
INCREDIBLE VISUALS: Apocalyptic. It’s the beginning of the end. Landscapes have been modified because of excessive climate change.
SOCIAL COMMENTARY: Because the future world is demoralized and overrun by highly intelligent criminals of another galaxy, humankind becomes the minority, diminishing our political, social, and moral structures. Dependency on any Gods or deities of past religions have been forlorn. Kindness and affection is the new religion on which our hope is founded.
SUB-GENRE: The sub-genre is the horror of what these criminals are capable of and the dread of what our world will look like if they become the rulers of the new world.
Title: THE TRANSCRIBER
Concept: In the future, a top psychologist is assigned a transcriber with empath and supernatural abilities who puts herself in the shoes of the world’s deadliest criminals, covertly becoming their judge and jury.
Genre: Sci-fi/Thriller
REVISED 4 ACT TRANSFORMATIONAL STRUCTURE
Act 1
Opening – Simultaneously, while speaking at a conference in a secret sub-space created by scientists, Nia’s family is attacked by one of these hybrid criminals of the new world; the act includes the slaughter of her husband and a daughter who narrowly escapes…
Inciting Incident – Against the Federation H’s (H for human) governing rules and regulations Nia puts herself in great danger by seeking out her missing daughter. She does find her daughter, but in an off limits Criminal Colony corner of the new world.
Turning Point– Nia and her daughter are rescued by Federation H soldiers and apprehended for her excursion. Instead of punishment she is offered a position that would guarantee her and her daughter safety and protection for the rest of their lives.
Act 2
New Plan— Nia takes the job offer and meets Dr. Dahl, who welcomes her with open arms and gives Nia the lay of the land aboard the Federation H Pyramid, top headquarters for evaluating captured criminals.
Plan in Action— Dr. Dahl and Nia evaluate their first criminal in therapy as a team, but off to a rocky start when the criminal outsmarts both of them, almost killing them both and escaping.
Mid-Point – Nia has a mental breakdown and second thoughts about the new gig. This results in her deviating an escape plan to Star Base Station to rescue her daughter.
Act 3
Rethink everything— Federation H interlopes Nia’s attempt to rescue her daughter from Star Base Station compound and now has to figure out how to make this work if she is to see her daughter again.
New Plan— Nia becomes more of an asset to Federation H now that her and Dr. Dahl has a successful session with another criminal. Their relationship is somewhat repaired.
Turning Point/Huge failure/Major shift –The trauma renders Nia’s daughter with a seizure and is hospitalized. This leads to Nia experiencing another massive anxiety attack, transporting her into another dimension (via empath abilities) where she is immersed into the crime scene of the criminals she is about to evaluate.
Act 4
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Nia is disruptive with the next session with Dr. Dahl, thinking she knows more than Dr. Dahl because of her vision/episode.
Resolution— Some of Nia’s liberties and privileges are taken away because of her actions, including moving her daughter to an undisclosed facility until things change. Hence, she self imposes an anxiety attack so that she is transported into the scene of another criminal. .
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Christopher Dalbey’s 4-Act transformational structure
MY VISION: to have success from this program and be one of the go-to writers in the industry for writing assignments and scripts that are both memorable and ground breaking.
What I learned doing this assignment is that it doesn’t have to be perfect right now, or maybe never. It does have to be done, so here goes.
THE TRANSCRIBER
Concept: In the future, a top psychologist is assigned a transcriber with empath and supernatural abilities who puts herself in the shoes of the world’s deadliest criminals, covertly becoming their judge and jury.
MAIN CONFLICT: A transcriber with empath abilities time travels in an attempt to find her husband’s killer and daughter’s assailant while working alongside the world’s most esteemed psychologist whose unorthodox methods conflict with her mission.
Old Ways
Refuses to let anyone in
Close-minded to seek help
Distrusts the law and new world order
Has intimate issues
Questions the future
New Ways
Recognizes her potential with newfound powers
Fights for a cause she never thought possible
Stands up against the new world order
Covertly seeks justice on her terms
Vindicated
Act 1: 25 to 30 pages – Set up and see Old Ways.
Opening – Simultaneously, while speaking at a conference about the new line of elite criminals, Nia’s family is attacked by one of these superhuman criminals of the new world; the criminal kills her husband while her daughter narrowly escapes…
Inciting Incident – Against government rules and regulations Nia puts herself in great danger by seeking out her missing daughter, finding her in a corner of the new world that is extremely prohibited.
Turning Point– Nia is approached by highly decorated officials to propose to her a position that would guarantee her and her daughter safety and protection for the rest of their lives.
Act 2: 20 to 30 pages – Challenge the Old Ways.
New Plan— Nia accepts the job offer and meets Dr. Dahl who welcomes her with open arms and gives her and her daughter their new lay of the land and job detail.
Plan in Action— Dr. Dahl and Nia evaluate their first criminal in therapy but are off to a rocky start when the criminal outsmarts both of them and almost tricks them into escaping.
Mid-Point – Nia has a mental breakdown and has second thoughts and decides the new gig is not for her.
Act 3: 20 to 30 pages – with midpoint change, profound moments that give us new ways.
Rethink everything— The government denies Nia’s attempt to take her and her daughter away from their new highly secure compound and now must figure a way to make this work.
New Plan— Dr. Dahl and Nia have a successful session with another criminal relationship is somewhat repaired.
Turning Point/Huge failure/Major shift –Nia’s daughter has a seizure and is hospitalized. This leads to Nia experiencing another massive anxiety attack that transports her into another dimension (time travel) where she is immersed into a crime scene with one of the criminals she is about to evaluate.
Act 4: 25 pages – test the change in this character! Prove new ways!
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Nia is disruptive with the next session with Dr. Dahl, thinking she knows more than Dr. Dahl because of her vision/episode.
Resolution— Some of Nia’s liberties and privileges are taken away because of her actions, including moving her daughter to an undisclosed facility until things change.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by Christopher Dalbey.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by
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Christopher Dalbey’s Subtext Plot
MY VISION: to have success from this program and be one of the go-to writers in the industry for writing assignments and scripts that are both memorable and ground breaking.
What I learned doing this assignment is that there are so many incredible ways to manifest and incorporate subtext that will inevitably enhance the story. A big fan of this lesson!
Concept: In the future, a top psychologist is assigned a transcriber with empath and supernatural abilities who puts herself in the shoes of the world’s deadliest criminals, covertly becoming their judge and jury.
SOMEONE HIDES WHO THEY ARE: Nia Coleman is an esteemed scholar in the world of psychology and has been appointed as a transcriber to the world’s most distinguished psychologist to help evaluate a new line of elite criminals. But Nia’s empath abilities allows her to travel through time and investigate these criminals on her own terms, possibly even find her late husband’s killer and daughter’s assailant.
COMPETITIVE AGENDAS: Nia is not in favor of Dr. Olivia’s Dahl’s unorthodox methods in evaluating these criminals and, with her ability to travel to the time and place of these horrific events, has conflicting ideas as to what punishments should be rendered to these elite criminals.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by Christopher Dalbey.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by
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Christopher Dalbey’s Transformational Journey
MY VISION: to have success from this program and be one of the go-to writers in the industry for writing assignments and scripts that are both memorable and ground breaking.
What I learned doing this assignment is that the character’s transformational journey is the backbone to the story, that the arc is the core for audiences to engage and want to come along for the journey.
Concept: In the future, a top psychologist is assigned a transcriber with empath and supernatural abilities who puts herself in the shoes of the world’s deadliest criminals, covertly becoming their judge and jury.
Character Arc for NIA COLEMAN
Arc Beginning – wounded in her personal life, tragic, obstinate, scholarly & professional.
Arc Ending – tenacious, hopeful, seeks light at the end of the tunnel, a warrior.
Internal Journey (mind and emotions) – from betrayed and tragic to essential and courageous.
External Journey (action and experience) – from esteemed scholar working with the world’s most celebrated psychologist to an empath with supernatural abilities that seeks justice on her own terms.
Old Ways
Refuses to let anyone in
Close-minded to seek help
Distrusts the law and new world order
Has intimate issues
Questions the future
New Ways
Recognizes her potential with newfound powers
Fights for a cause she never thought possible
Stands up against the new world order
Covertly seeks justice on her terms
Vindicated
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This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by Christopher Dalbey.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by
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CHRISTOPHER DALBEY’S INTENTIONAL LEAD CHARACTERS
My Vision: to have success from this program and be one of the go-to writers in the industry for scripts that are both memorable and fascinating.
What I learned from this assignment is that the intrigue of story structure becomes more sturdy with the development of your character triangle.
Title: THE TRANSCRIBER
Genre: Sci-Fi
Concept: In the future, a top psychologist is assigned a transcriber with empath and supernatural abilities who puts herself in the shoes of the world’s deadliest criminals, covertly becoming their judge and jury.
Protagonist: Nia Coleman
Logline: A transcriber with empath and supernatural abilities becomes the world’s most elusive killer while hunting down her family’s killer.
Unique: An empath with abilities that allows her to get inside the minds of a higher tier of supernatural criminals.
Antagonist: Dr. Olivia Dahl
Logline: The world’s leading psychologist, with groundbreaking approaches to therapy, is assigned Nia Coleman to assist in analyzing this new elite line of criminals.
Unique: Her new methods of psychotherapy that hopefully absolves this new line of criminals of their charges.
Triangle Character: Nevaeh Coleman
Logline: The gifted daughter of Nia who survived the murders but lost her vision as a result of the trauma from the incident.
Unique: Is gifted with the power to see things in different realms.
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Christopher Dalbey’s Title, Concept and Character Structure!
My Vision: To land representation that helps guide me to making a lucrative career from my writing and is deemed among the A-listers in the TV streaming market.
What I learned doing this assignment is that great outlines can save you from a few early drafts.
THE TRANSCRIBER
In the future, a top psychologist is assigned a transcriber with empath and supernatural abilities who puts herself in the shoes of the world’s deadliest criminals, covertly becoming their judge and jury.
Sci-Fi/ Dramatic Triangle
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Hello Everyone!
Christopher Dalbey here … I have written 9 feature scripts, two TV pilots and bibles, developing a third with a SU Alumni currently.
My hope is to strengthen my approaches to developing projects and heighten my awareness while going through the re-write processes.
I currently reside in PA but hail from New York City. I’m also a SAG-AFTRA actor and booked recurring roles on streaming networks and leading roles on award winning indie films.
Looking forward to being apart of this journey with all of you!
Cheers,
Chris
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Christopher Dalbey
agrees to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of Writing Incredible Movies, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, through social media, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, videos, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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Christopher Dalbey’s Fast formatting!
What I learned doing this assignment is that stacking the format and dialogue with high intensity helps communicate the viscerality in any action scene sequence. Also, selecting the appropriate verb to describe the action makes a world of a difference!
EXT. MANSION – ROOFTOP – DAY
THUMP! THUD! THUMP!
– Maman’s skids across the cemented rooftop, slams against a helicopter’s landing skids!
EXT. MANSION – GATED FRONT YARD – CONTINUOUS
– Gunned F.B.I Agnats and S.W.A.T sweep across the massive front landscapes! –
EXT. MANSION – ROOFTOP – DAY
– Maman’s bloodied, and barely conscious, face stares up into the blinding light…
… stepping into her field of vision and blocking out the sunlight is Kalfu’s shadowy figure towering, a menacing laugh that collides with the fluttering sounds of helicopter blades oscillating!
INT. MANSION – FRONT VESTIBULE – CONTINUOUS
… POP! POP! POP!
… three shots fired from one of the many F.B.I Agents quickly advancing through the massively marbled vestibule…
EXT. MANSION – ROOFTOP – CONTINUOUS
Kalfu’s disfigured creature-like hand grips Maman from the neck, lifts her into the air with ease…
The sunlight showcases Kalfu’s massively ringed hand.
A crescendo of bloody coughs from Maman that paints the blue expanse all around them.
INT. MANSION – VESTIBULE – CONTINUOUS
SPLAT!!!
– A costumed warrior from the underworld slams violently onto the marbled floors!
Blood rivers from the very still body as the last of the Agents and S.W.A.T team advance to the next room.
EXT. MANSION – ROOFTOP – CONTINUOUS
A helmed PILOT peeks his head out from inside the helicopter, screaming MOS something to Kalfu who holds Maman over the edge of the rooftop …
… winds whip past Maman as she eyeballs the beautiful landscapes of the grounds harrowing below…
… a hellish grin from Kalfu –
KALFU
(in Haitian Creole with subtitles)
Gentlemen of the cross advance for her to see them!
Maman Brigitte is sick, she lies down on her back, a lot of talk won’t raise the dead, tie up your head, tie up your belly, tie up your –
– POP! POP! POP! POP!
– four shots rattled from the gunned Agent on the other side of the rooftop, whose gun is pointed directly at Kalfu –
Kalfu peers down at the bullets that were fired into him, but not a scratch!
His head spins around nonchalantly and glares directly at the gunman, giving him spellbinding eyes –
– The rifle falls from his hands and arms, drops to the ground. By some supernatural force, his head twists and contorts in non-human ways, the same thing happening to his midsection!
Nothing but heart wrenching screams from the fallen gunman! –
– Kalfu spins back towards Maman…
… she is no longer in his grasp, or anywhere on the rooftop!
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Christopher Dalbey’s Great Action Set Piece!
What I learned doing this assignment is that applying this approach greatly increases the depth and quality of scenes, making the action prominent and count so much more to the story. Thai was one of my personal favorite lessons of this class!
Turning Point at end of Act 1: Mayoral candidate, Ady Phara, didn’t know what she was getting into when attending an elite underground party, where she is raped and murdered by masked, corrupt politicians.
SETUP (Suspense): Ady is admitted into a mansion with the password – that she almost forgets – and is immediately drugged, blindfolded and taken to an undisclosed location in the mansion, while masked attendees keep to their mingling and indulging.
PRE-ACTION (Fear) & (Anxiety): Lisa regains consciousness and notices that she is in some cavernous dungeon, masked and clothed in an enticing gown. As she navigates her way through the maze-like dungeon, she comes to the bottom of a stairwell that leads to what sounds like the party she was attending.
ACTION (Adrenaline) & (Surprise): Ady comes to the top of the stairwell where she is greeted by a masked butler who won’t answer her leads her down long corridors where more masked attendees are engaging in sexual acts. The deeper she proceeds into the mansion, the greater the hedonism she witnesses. At one point, she frees herself from the escort but gets lost in a dead end section of the mansion.
POST-ACTION (Excitement): She passes a room where she encounters senator Triano and a political ally sharing drinks and laughs in a more quiet section of the mansion. Triano is a bit drunk but notices her distress and excuses himself from his company and goes with her.
PRE-ACTION (Relief) & (Suspense): Triano assures her that he had no idea of any of the mischievous activity that she is explaining to him, while seemingly helping her escape the mansion. It gets incredibly awkward when they encounter the butler/escort Ady liberated herself from. Triano plays dumb and puts on a show telling him ”that he and whoever orchestrated this sick and perverted behavior will suffer consequences” and then beats him to an unconscious state.
ACTION (Danger): Triano kills the escort with his savagery and is applauded and celebrated by the accumulated masked masses behind him and Ady. Ady realizes that this was all just a show and that Triano is their ringleader! She tries to get away but runs into a wall of masked attendees that carry her unwillingly away and is brutally raped and murdered.
POST-ACTION (Fear) & (Shock): Ady Phara has gone missing and nobody has seen her in days. In the backwoods of New Orleans, Ady Phara rises from the dead as voodoo deity incarnate, Maman Brigittee.
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This reply was modified 3 years ago by Christopher Dalbey.
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This reply was modified 3 years ago by
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Christopher Dalbey’s Unique Action!
What I learned doing this assignment is that building on the unique action really adds to the uniqueness of the story and character intrigue. I truly like this exercise because it made me raise the bar with almost everything apart or associated with the story.
ENVIRONMENT: Having the story take place both in the political realm and in the sub world of voodoo and mythology in New Orleans makes for a great dichotomy. By also adding the environment of the transitional world of voodoo deities and the party world of Mardi Gras allows more room for mystery and intrigue.
RULES: Those that are abided by in the political world and those introduced in the underworld of demons and gods.
VILLAIN; The villain balances back-and-forth with feelings towards the protagonist because he is inevitably Maman Phara’s counterpart as Kalfu in the underground. It’s the classic enemies who are bound to be together.
MISSION: To seek justice and vengeance against her wrongdoers as voodoo incarnate Maman Phara.
STRUGGLE: For Ady to come to terms that she is dead and is reincarnated as a voodoo deity and learn of her newfound powers!
UNIQUE SKILL SET: Her background in MMA adds to her supernatural powers and abilities to kiss some serious corrupt political circles and the seedy underground that stole her mortal life.
MEANING: Finding her true purpose in the afterlife and embracing what she has abandoned for a future in politics – her family ties to voodoo.
ALLIES: Ady’s abandoned voodoo family and the few members of Triano’s party that turn on him to help Ady.
WEAPON: supernatural powers to fight and defend herself against the evils of Kalfu and and Triano’s underground regime.
WHAT IF … A good politician, with a good agenda, gets caught up with the dark side of politics in New Orleans and comes back from the dead to seek justice as voodoo deity Maman Brigitte.
TAKE IT TO AN EXTREME: The feuds and politics of New Orleans turns into an underground war in New Orleans of voodoo myths and deities.
SPECIFIC TO CHARACTER OR ENVIRONMENT: Maman Brigitte versus her counterpart in the underground world, Kalfu.
SHOCKING OR SURPRISING: Maman Brigitte and Kalfu are meant to be together.
GO OPPOSITE: As voodoo deity Kalfu, he attempts to join sides with Maman without her knowing it.
WHAT HAVEN’T WE SEEN: Politicians fighting each other as voodoo deities and counterparts.
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Christopher Dalbey’s Level 3 Action Emotions
What I learned doing this assignment is that by emphasizing more on the danger, excitement, and adrenaline accelerates the pace of the story which I feel is congruent with what is expected of the action genre. And as I write out the scenes in this manner, I’m in sync with the excitement of the action inherently and feel that this is amazing!
3. Write the scene as a first draft, highlighting danger, excitement, and adrenaline.
INT. MANSION – VESTIBULE – NIGHT
Phara, bloodied in her disheveled costume, climbs the massive starwell languidly. Aside from the looming helicopters somewhere outside the mansion, there is an eerie silence that hangs heavy in the air.
A bunch of Triano’s costumed soldiers march menacingly through a vast corridor.
Phara is atop of the starwell, laboring through her breaths –
A thundering kick comes comes blindingly across Phara’s head –
Sending her TUMBLING down the stairwell she just ascended!
Descending the starwell, in cape and top hat, is Triano (as Kalfu).
KALFU: For a minute there … you had me with all your ramblings against the destructiveness in New Orleans, all of the manners of injustice and corruption.
In a blur, all of the costumed soldiers gather around Phara, towering over her.
INT. MANSION – BALLROOM – NIGHT
A S.W.A.T. unit, guns ready, stealthily moves through a vacant hall with precision.
INT. MANSION – VESTIBULE – NIGHT – CONTINUOS
Kalfu ceases his descent a few steps before the bottom of the stairwell …
KALFU: But, as with most aspiring politicians who have no real sense of what the people really want, what they crave for, they end up facing the inevitable bad luck of their fate … that would be me in case you’re wondering my dear –
The S.W.A.T team navigates swiftly down a corridor that Triano’s gangly bunch had just proceeded down.
Kalfu twists his cane that converts into a sharp blade at the end of it and hold it high over his head as he recites:
KALFU: Praise be to the ancestors. For it is because of them that I am! –
Many SHOTS are fired as Triano’s bunch disperses throughout the mansion.
Kalfu’s bladed cane falls from his hand and collapses unto Phara. His head adjacent to hers.
MAMAN PHARA: Know now the power between the mortal world and the divine –
She shoves her boot knife into his gut!
KALFU (spitting up dark blood): I only know the power of our eternal love.
Kalfu’s eyes roll over all white as the S.W.A.T team congregates before them …
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Christopher Dalbey’s Level 2 Action Emotions
What I learned doing this assignment is that I fell in love with this process. I truly enjoyed setting up these action emotions diagrams in quite a few scenes in my script. In particular, I found that delaying the delivery sequences to be very effective and enticing!
3. Write the scene as a first draft, highlighting surprise, shock, and suspense.
EXT. BAR – NIGHT
Phara Ady looks like hell. She sits listlessly at the bar.
The few patrons in the bar are half in the bag and gearing up for Mardi Gras, some doused in hats, make up, and the usual Mardi Gras fanfare.
Except for the GENTLEMEN (late 40’s) at the dark corner at the end of the bar, in well tailored suits, a sinister glare in all three of them.
A random PARTY GOER (20’s), glitter everywhere, all sorts of beads around his neck, stumbles into Phara half- haphazardly. Phara doesn’t budge from her stool.
When Phara turns to him, instead of seeing a Party Goer she sees a ghastly presence in front of her. She bugs out and steams off her stool and dashes out of the pub.
The Gentlemen subtly follow suit through the fanfare in the bar.
EXT. BAR- BACK ALLEY – NIGHT
Phara strays down a puddled and dimly lit alley. Regale sounds from the surrounding streets reverberate through the alley.
– Hearing the sound of luxury footwear splashing in the alleyway puddles behind her, Phara ceases in her path –
GENTLEMAN #1 (O.S.)
Where are we off to in such a rush?
Phara warily turns to the Gentlemen standing in the shadows.
GENTLEMEN #2
Looking to party girlfriend?
Stepping out of the shadows and into the alley lights is GENTLEMAN #1 –
– Even in her disheveled state, she is shocked to recognize that she is once again faced with ONE OF THE PREDATORS WHO RAPED AND MURDERED PHARA!
Although the Gentlemen don’t recognize her.
As Phara takes a cautious step back, one of her heeled shoes gets caught in one of the loose cobblestones in the street and eats it hard!
One of the Gentleman lets out raspy laughter while the other two remain silent. Gentleman #1 steps towers over Phara.
Phara’s bloodied face is slightly illuminated from the dimly lit street lights reflecting off the puddle she lay in.
GENTLEMAN #1
Don’t worry sweetheart. We’ll make sure you have a real good time.
The shadows of the other two Gentlemen gathering around Phara have obstructed the light from Phara’s face. The sound of unbuckling belts and unzipping of zippers collide with the party roars in the streets nearby.
A hand from one of the Gentleman presses Phara’s head down, holding her steady against the cold cobblestones. One of the Gentleman penetrates her violently from behind.
She views someone in an elaborate costume passed out among the dumpster behind the bar as her face scraps back and forth in the street. She zones out on the sparkly costume when –
With supernatural force delivers a lethal blow with one of her arms to the Gentleman atop her that sends him unconscious across the dark alley –
GENTLEMAN #2 (O.S.)
FUCK IS THIS!? –
Phara soars into the air and lands stealthily on her feet! The other Gentleman, frozen in their tracks, among the shadows. –
A plethora of fireworks cover the skies above …
The other Gentleman lay bloodied and contorted in in human ways, among the puddles under the single street light of the alleyway –
– The back door to the bar SLAMS open with the Party Goer being shoved out into the alley by a bouncer. He lands in a puddle of his own.
PARTY GOER
(loudly)
IT’S FUCKING MARDI GRAS! ASSHOLE!
Party Goer immediately senses the shadowy presence behind him and looks up –
Its Phara Ady garbed perfectly in the elaborate costume of the person passed out in the alley!
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Christopher Dalbey’s Level 1 Action Emotions
What I learned doing this assignment is that by installing a good amount of anxiety, hope, and fear in a scene gives the audience more emotional value to invest in, giving the story more potential to allow the audience to commit fully to the story’s journey.
3. Write the scene as a first draft, highlighting anxiety, fear, and relief.
INT. GRAND BALLROOM – NIGHT
Everyone dressed to the nines. It smells of opulence.
Mayoral candidate Ady Phara enters the ballroom. You can tell that she has never been in such the fashionable dress she is gowned in with the lack of confidence in her stride and the nervousness in her eyes.
Senator Triano is entrenched in a circle of esteemed politicians. He spots Ady from the other side of the massive ballroom.
The politicians barely break from their enclosed circle as Ady approaches. Except for Senator Triano, who pulls away from the group with warm gestures and a smile.
SENATOR TRIANO
Ah, Senator Phara, so glad to see you were able to deviate from your family obligations … and indulge in a little hedonism.
SENATOR COUDRIET pivots towards Ady, as if to politely cut in on Senator Triano.
SENATOR COUDRIET
Don’t buy into his bullshit Senator. We’re all Puritans at heart.
Senator Coudriet bows to Ady, cordially kissing her hand.
SENATOR McCORMICK (O.S.)
Careful Senator … you got the missus’ eyes on you.
Senator Ady peers over her shoulder, catches Senator Coudriet’s wife – in a stunning dress and engaged in her own circle of politicians – beaming eyes on Ady.
Ady notes that Senator Coudriet still has her hand in his, has a romantic twinkle in his eye –
Senator Triano pushes Senator Coudriet aside like a dog. As he escorts her away from the group, the politicians burst out in laughter that seems cumbersome for the environment they’re in.
INT. MARTINI BAR – NIGHT
Both Senator Ady and Triano are posted up at the bar, martinis in front of them. Ady still looks out of place whereas Senator Triano seems to be complacent.
SENATOR TRIANO
Apologies for any off color comments from the comrads that may have offended you.
SENATOR ADY
None taken.
SENATOR TRIANO
I heard they caught the derelicts that broke up your speech earlier … they should crucify these fuckers. They have no right.
SENATOR ADY
I just hope that I’m able to get the message across that I’m pragmatic and care about the issues that –
SENATOR TRIANO
Let’s take off your donkey suit for a minute shall we?
An awkward glance from Ady.
SENATOR TRIANO
What are you really after?
SENATOR ADY
I truly believe that politics are all about helping people. That it is our job to hone in on the key issues –
SENATOR TRIANO
Cut the shit Senator.
SENATOR TRIANO
Senator?
SENATOR TRIANO
(quoting Titus 3:9 from the bible)
But avoid foolish controversies, genealogies, dissension, and quarrels about the law, for they are unprofitable and worthless –
Senator Coudriet’s wife, MRS. COUDRIET, black, classy, sophisticated in all her movements, slides in besides Senator Triano.
MRS. COUDRIET
Hope I’m not meddling in any unwarranted affairs here.
SENATOR TRIANO
(introducing)
Senator Ady, allow me to introduce –
MRS. COUDRIET
Don’t have to be so fucking masculine all the time, Ricky.
Mrs. Coudriet extends her hand across the bar that meets Ady’s hesitant hand.
MRS. COUDRIET
(to Ady)
Pleasure …
SENATOR TRIANO
… we were just discussing how democrats and republicans should align in their efforts so that we can better understand our neighbors of New Orleans, to better trust our voters.
MRS. COUDRIET
Sounds fun. But I’m bored.
SENATOR TRIANO
Let me remedy something for you Mrs. Coudriet.
Senator Triano extends out his arm that Mrs. Coudriet takes rather elegantly as he escorts her away. His way of saying goodbye: an eye wink at Sentor Ady.
As Senator Ady watches Senator Traino wisk Mrs. Coudriet away to a back room somewhere, she notices out of the corner of her eye a small envelope, her name printed on the front of it, laying on the bar before her.
She is very much an outsider in this moment.
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Christopher Dalbey’s Favorite Twists!
What I learned doing this assignment is that supplementing twists in the story makes the journey more intriguing and engaging. Another great tool to add to my writing utility belt, ha!
My FIVE favorites:
1) It Just Got Worse ============== It Just Got Better
It Just Got Worse: Phara comes back from the dead lost in the mortal world as voodoo incarnate Maman Phara, while Senator Triano wins the seat as new mayor of New Orleans.
It Just Got Better: She learns of her newfound supernatural powers as Maman Phara. Simultaneously, Senator Triano is interrogated by the FBI about him being associated with Phara’s missing persons report.
2) Trap/Trick ===================== Escape
Trap/Trick: Maman Phara’s mission to “seek and destroy” all of Trinano’s underground party is a trick to lead her crusade into the daylight hours when her powers are ineffective and capture her.
Escape: There is a Benedict Arnold high up in Triano’s rankings and helps Maman escape, evading the pending underground trial where she is to be joined in union with voodoo deity Baron Samedi (Senator Triano) in the afterlife.
3) Danger ========================= Safety
Danger: Maman Phara (Maman Brigitte) is practically on her death bed when she is rescued by one of Triano’s insiders.
Safety: Maman Phara seeks refuge with the voodoo community in the backwoods of New Orleans.
4) Unexpected Weapon ============= Surprising Response
Unexpected Weapon: Maman gathers a small army of voodoo warriors to combat Triano’s underground.
Surprising Response: The FBI are now onto Maman Phara’ s assault in the streets of New Orleans and think she is responsible for Phara Ady’s disappearance.
5) Reversal ====================== Reverse the Reversal
Reversal: By happenstance, the FBI take down Senator Triano (as Baron Samedi), misconstruing him as Maman Phara.
Reverse the Reversal: Phara Ady is gifted back her mortal life and is sworn in as mayor of New Orleans.
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Christopher Dalbey’s Likability/Empathy/Justification
What I learned doing this assignment is that this is a great way to make it easy for your audience to root for your character. I’ve been actually trying to figure out ways in which the audience can side with the protagonist or antagonist right out of the gate. That said, I found this assignment very helpful and constructive!
LIKABILITY/LOVABILITY
A. Other people like or respect the character: She respects her political adversaries and always tries to see their side first. Her main priority, if she were elected, is to better the city of New Orleans. In return, the people of New Orleans respect her for that.
B. The character shows love for something: Phara loves the culture that is deeply embedded in New Orleans.
C. They’re trying to do something good: She tries to make New Orleans a better place and restore the rich culture that is somewhat lost.
D. Save the cat — rescue or do something good for someone else: There are several outreach groups that she is very involved in, organizations that she organized to help less fortunate peoples of New Orleans get back on their feet.
E. Funny, humorous, witty: Humor is her go-to for awkward political situations and difficult subject matter being discussed.
F. Kindness: She treats everyone with respect, diffuses an attempted robbery by seeing them as equals, as a human being, not as a criminal.
G. Good moral decisions and actions. Being on the right side: Has a solid moral base and knows when to draw the line when her political adversaries go too far with their agendas.
EMPATHY / DISTRESS
A. Undeserved misfortune: Trying to connect with her opponents by attending an esclsive party she is brutally raped and murdered.
B. External Character conflicts: Her coming to terms with being reincarnated as voodoo deity Maman Phara.
C. Plot intruding on life: How she is to adjust with her new identity as voodoo incarnate Maman Phara while her biggest opponent gains momentum in the political race.
D. Moral dilemmas: The voodoo culture that is embedded in Phara’s family background and that she very much separated herself from now circumscribes her afterlife as Maman Phara.
E. Forced decisions they’d never make: Embracing her inherited voodoo power.
F. Wound attacked: Taken from the mortal world by the very criminal acts that she fought against in her political campaign when she ran for mayor.
JUSTIFICATION
A. The character or their family is abused: She is stripped of her mortality and must find a way to embrace her new identity and prowess if she is to fortify the justice she fought so hard for in her mortal life.
B. Threatened by others: She finds herself in very dangerous situations both in her mortal life and as voodoo incarnate from her opposition (Senator Triano and the underground world).
C. The Hero is the victim of attacks: She is constantly being attacked and hunted by Senator Triano, whether it be in the political realm or in the underworld.
D. They’ve suffered major losses: She is excommunicated from her family because of her distancing herself from the voodoo culture her family is tied to. She is brutally raped and murdered and is seperated froom her nuclear family in the afterlife.
E. The Villain or their representatives have trespassed: Phara is invited to an exclusive party by her rival, Senator Triano, where she is in over her head and is raped and murdered by memebers of an underground cult that is secretly led by Senator Triano.
2. Organize them into a sequence that happens in the first Act of your script and tell us the story in a concise form (like I did for John Wick and Salt above).
Sequence for Act 1:
A campaign rally at which Phara Ady gives a speech.
The rally is broken up by criminal activity. Phara helps diffuse the violence with acts of kindness and respect towards the criminal.
She struggles with her double duty as a single mom of two and is made apparent when the father, whom she is separated from, comes in and plays hero.
She attends a political convention where most of her adversaries are present, trying to win favor of opponents who despise her and what she stands for. Senator Triano kind of hit it off and invites her to an underground private party.
She is advised by her team to not attend the party as it would hurt her image and won’t serve her any good by attending.
Without anyone knowing, she slips out to attend the party. When she arrives at the address, there are a profusion of access points to get into the party that makes her think she is in over her head. But she proceeds anyway.
Once she is admitted, she is submerged into an elite party that is associated with an underground culture where sex and drugs take precedent.
Phara realizes this is not for her and unsuccessfully tries to flee the scene. But the mansion is on lock down and the party is about to begin …
Phara is the guest of honor and brought in front of the high priests and then escorted off to private quarters of the mansion …
She is coerced into taking drugs then raped and murdered by other attendees!
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Christopher Dalbey’s Story Map
What I learned doing this assignment is that by mapping out things in this manner creates more variety to story layering. It feels like this approach also creates more opportunity for multiple driving forces to move the story flow along more dynamically.
Opening: Phara struggles to deliver her speech at her campaign rally. The rally is broken up by criminal and police activity happening nearby.
M1: Going by the low voting results, Phara is determined to beat out senator Triano to win the mayoral race and strategizes with her team back at headquarters.
A1: Phara attends a political convention held by her adversaries where she receives an invitation from senator Triano to a secret society party, an opportunity to ‘make friends with the enemy.’
Inciting Incident: Phara is visited by her estranged mother who advises her to come home. Phara ignores her mother’s wishes and goes to the secret society party that turns out to be an underground sex party where Phara is raped and murdered.
M2: She struggles to figure out her new identity as voodoo incarnate Maman Phara.
V1: Senator Triano wipes the slate clean by addressing the public about his concerns surrounding Phara mysterious disappearance. Senator Triano forms an underground team to cover all tracks.
A2: Phara’s transformation has deemed her unrecognizable as she meanders between the subworld and her former reality.
Purpose: Phara coming to terms that her connection to the voodoo world runs deep and that her new purpose is to seek justice as underworld Goddess, Maman Phara.
A3: from the outside looking in, Phara seeks help in confiding with her campaign team, her closest friends, but has no success because they don’t recognize her and only see her as a freak.
First Turning Point at end of Act 1: Phara finds herself face to face with the participants who stole her mortality from her. But realizes her newfound powers when she is able to fend off her attackers with supernatural abilities.
M3: Realizing her supernatural abilities cements her new purpose to serve justice by seeking out those that wronged her in her mortal life.
V2: Senator Triano recruits members of Phara’s team for his campaign while his underground goons capture Maman Phara when she is most vulnerable – during the daylight hours.
A4: One of senator Triano’s men sides with Phara and helps her escape the dungeons of the underworld.
Mid-Point: Nowhere else to turn, Phara reconnects with the voodoo community and is embraced and celebrated.
M4: She is reunited with her family via the voodoo community and forms a new plan for vengeance.
V3: Senator Traino has an insider in the voodoo community and is informed of Phara’s renewed alliance and is prepared for Maman Phara’s counterattack.
V4: Maman Phara and voodoo allies do battle with senator Triano and his underground army.
V5: Senator Triano gains momentum in his campaign trial and sets plans to secure his seat as mayor of New Olreans.
A5: The underground rivals also have voodoo powers and make it challenging for Phara and her allies to succeed in bringing down senator Triano.
Second Turning Point at end of Act 2: Senator Traino wins the mayoral race in New Orleans, making it more difficult for Phara to get to him.
M5: Her resources in the voodoo community are exhausted and now has the FBI on her tail with footage of her taking out politically connected persons.
V6: SenatorTriano offers his resources in cooperation to helping find Maman Phara.
V7: Senator Traino secretly sees a voodoo priest where a spell is cast upon him and morphed into a Voodoo deity to combat Maman Phara.
A6: It’s Mardi Gras and Maman Phara guises herself in a variety of costumes so as to go incognito and penetrate the underworld without FBI detection.
Crisis: Time is running out for Phara. If she is unable to eliminate those that destroyed her before Mardi Gras is over, her soul is to vanish in the afterlife forever. But, if she is to succeed, Phara will transform back to her mortal self and resume her life.
M6: It is the height of Mardi Gras and Phara needs to move more quickly if she is to find senator Traino.
V8: Senator Triano revels in the glory of his voodoo powers and exercises them violently throughout Mardi Gras.
A7: Senator Triano – as the voodoo deity Kalfu – and Maman Phara come face-to-face with one another.
Climax: Maman Phara and Kalfu face off in the streets of the French Quarter, during the last night of Mardi Gras. What was once a battle between two mayoral candidates is now a duel between two voodoo deities.
M7: Phara has to figure a way to defeat Kalfu and also be extra careful to not get noticed by the FBI who are rampant on the streets as well.
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Title: Twisted Lily
Genre: Horror
Logline: Honeymooning in an off-the-grid town, an ex-NASA scientist discovers the nightmare world of a possessed ice cream man … and that his new bride made a deal with the devil to ensure their family’s future in the new world.
Story Summary
Winston, a suicidal ex-NASA scientist, goes on one last benderat his previous headquaters before tying the knot iwith the love of his life, Lilly, a scorned environmental ethicist.
But both Lily and Winston’s nasty sides come out when she suspects Winston of being untruthful about his sobriety and him being fed up with her not accepting infertility. As a result, the honeymoon is almost over before it begins.
As the newlyweds settle into the town in which Lily grew up, a town in which her late father, Sylvester Wiltzey, a tycoon of the ice cream world, built his dynasty, Winston’s solo mission to get a feel of Lily’s hometown turns into him discovering the town is ruled by crazed children who worship a possessed ice cream man!
To Winston’s dismay, he ascertains that all the children are morphed adults via the ice cream delights by covertly witnessing Father Zachery – the priest who wedded him and Lily – desperate pleas for his returned youth from the ice cream man.
Unexpectedly, with the help of one of the children who has taken kindly to Winston, Winston instincts kick in and rushes back to rescue Lily and get the hell out of dodge! But the ice cream kids are on their tails and need to shake them and hide out.
While Lily nervously awaits for Winston to return, she instead gets a visit from her late father – the possessed ice cream man! – who reminds her of the deal they made: bring him a new host (Winston) and he will grant her a child in the new world.
At the core, Lily is a kind soul and has a change of heart, makes the bold decision to unf**** the deal she made with the devil and hopes to disentangle Winston from becoming the new ice cream man. But the ice cream man is privy to her change of heart – because he is her father after all – and captures her as bait for Winston to come to him.
When Winston finally gets to Lilly, she is being force fed ice cream as punishment for the deal going awry. Lily is Winston’s world and would do anything for Lily, even if it means offering up himself to the ice cream man to save her –
But lo and bold, a child version of Fathery Zachery swoops in to distract the ice cream man so that Winston and Lily can escape!
Lily and Winston narrowly evade the ice cream man and, with Lily’s knowledge of physics and the environment, leads all the ice cream children and ice cream man to a nearby river where they all barrell into and deliquesce. But this doesn’t work on the ice cream man, who is, unbeknownst to Lily, is void of the devil and her father again!
Years later, Lily sits on her porch of their beautiful country house with Winston, enjoying a nice ice cream float as their daughter dashes out into the front yard to join all the other children of the town…
… a town in which Wisnton is the new ice cream man!
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Christopher Dalbey’s Action Structure!
What I learned doing this assignment is that having a three-act structure gives you a more coherent map to construct your story. I’m a big fan of this lesson because I already feel that having this three-act structure in place is a great starting point before drafting.
Opening: A campaign rally is interrupted by the very criminal activity that Phara Ady advocates against. Following just after this is her feeling much like an outsider mingling at a convention with her political adversaries.
Inciting Incident: Phara accepts the private party invitation from senator Triano which turns out to be an elite underground party where she is brutally raped and murdered.
First Turning Point at end of Act 1: Phara arises from the dead as voodoo incarnate Maman Phara! She learns of her newborn powers and identity when she meets in the dark alleys of New Orleans the culprits who stole her mortal life.
Mid-Point: Senator Traino retaliates by counterattacking Maman Phara by seeking out Maman Phara during the daylight when her powers are inaccessible, when she is most vulnerable.
Second Turning Point at end of Act 2: Some members of the underground side with Maman Phara and help her escape from being tortured and imprisoned by senator Triano’s underground infantry.
Crisis: Senator Triano is exonerated from suspicions associated with the disappearance of Phara Ady, gains more support in the undegorund and momentum in the political race while Pahar licks her wounds.
Climax: As the underground closes in on Maman Phara, she finds an alliance in the unlikely of places – the voodoo community that excommunicated Phara Ady in her mortal life – to do battle during Mardi Gras.
Resolution: Senator Traino and the underground are taken down inadvertently by the FBI and special task forces while staking out another gangster operation. With the help of the voodoo community, Phara Ady is absolved of her deity obligations and returns to her mortal life.
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Hi Everyone!
I’ve written 9 features and 2 TV pilots that are both in outline phases. One of which I’m writing with a SU alumni.
My hope is to elevate a script I’ve completed and marketed during the pandemic. What I hope to get out of this class is to turn my script into fully marketable one and also learn this rewrite process to better increase the quality of my writing and revising other scripts going forward.
I’m a SAG-AFTRA actor and booked recurring roles on such celebrated shows as THE KNICK and landed leading roles on award winning Indie films like a A DARK PLACE INSIDE.
Looking forward to working with everyone!
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This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by Christopher Dalbey.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by
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Christopher Dalbey’s Action Track!
What I learned doing this assignment is that designing an action track seems to double the impact of the story’s dynamic and heightens the conflicts between characters.
1. Answer the Action Questions:
A. Considering the concept from Lesson 1, what action could naturally show up in this movie?
Chase/Pursuit, Fight, Shootout, Rescue, Escape/Evade, Dangerous Situations, Interrogation
B. Considering the Mission and Villain Tracks, what action could work for this track?
Chase/Pursuit, Fight, Shootout, Rescue, Escape/Evade, Dangerous Situations, Interrogation
C. How can the action start well, build in the 2nd Act, and escalate to a climax in the 3rd Act?
Fight, Pursuit, Dangerous Situation, Interrogation, Rescue, Escape/Evade, Dangerous Situation, Fight, Shootout, Dangerous Situation
2. Select the types of action you’ll use.
Chase/Pursuit, Fight, Shootout, Rescue, Escape/Evade, Dangerous Situations, Interrogation
B. Considering the Mission and Villain Tracks, what action could work for this track?
Chase/Pursuit, Fight, Shootout, Rescue, Escape/Evade, Dangerous Situations, Interrogation
3. Sequence the action scenes to deliver your story. Give us your list of action scenes and the purpose of each scene.
Fight: With the odds against her to win the mayoral race, Phara pushes hard on her campaign trail with the motivation to make a name for herself in the political world.
Purpose: To do everything in her power to win the election and make a difference in New Orleans with her agenda.
Competition: Knowing she is losing the race, she takes the risk of accepting Senator Triano’s invitation to a secret society party in hopes to win the favor of some of her adversaries that she is told will be there.
Purpose: To gain an advantage by winning the favor of some of the opposition in the political race by mingling with them at the party.
Dangerous Situation: The secret society party turns out to be an underground sex and drug party and realizes she is way out of her league. At the party: Phara is brutally raped and murdered!
Purpose: As voodoo incarnate Maman Phara, she struggles with her new identity and purpose to seek justice.
Interrogation: All suspicious parties, including Senator Triano, are brought in and questioned about the Phara whereabouts as she has gone missing. Purpose: Lisa’s ability to charm and gain people’s trust.
Dangerous Situation: Maman Phara encounters some of the members of Senator Triano’s underground party at the wrong place and wrong time. AGAIN.
Torture: a beat up Maman Phara is brought in by Senator Triano’s goonies and is locked up and tortured before she is presented as the guest of honor at the next underground sex party. Only Senator Triano and the underground fail to realize that it is Phara Ady.
Escape/Evade: Maman Phara narrowly escapes with the help from an unexpected friend attending the party.
Chase/Pursuit: After realizing her supernatural abilities she goes into predator mode and seeks out all of corrupt politicians in New Orleans one by one.
Fight: Maman Phara versus all of Senator Triano’s top underground warriors/soldiers.
Escape/Evade: The underground takes advantage of Maman Phara in the daylight when she doesn’t have the full potential of her powers and looks to retreat to lick her wounds.
Fight: It’s Mardi Gras! Maman Phara demonstrates her ability guise herself in many different costumes and characters as her plan to counterattack Senator Triano and the underground.
Dangerous Situation: Maman Phara has to strike in the daylight hours if she is to take down the underground and get to Senator Triano.
Purpose: Escalates the threatening situation.
Chase/Pursuit: Maman Phara hits the streets, bars, and parties to covertly take out the enemy.
Purpose: The execution of Maman Phara’s strategy to hit the enemy when they are most vulnerable – in the daylight, during Mardi Gras.
Shootout: There is some criminal activity during Mardi Gras that includes an FBI agent shootout and complicates Maman Phara’s plan.
Purpose: Maman Phara uses the distraction as an advantage to move closer and faster to getting to Senator Triano.
Fight: Senator Triano taps into his voodoo powers to defend himself against Maman Phara. However, the FBI misconstrues Senator Triano being mixed up with the criminal activity and is incarcerated.
Purpose: To demonstrate justice exists amidst chaos.
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Christopher Dalbey’s Villain Track!
What I learned doing this assignment is that by tapping into the Villain’s world, we are exploring the many manifestations of the story’s parallels that help deepen its layers for both the protagonist and antagonist.
A. What might be the Villain’s plan to accomplish an evil outcome or to annihilate the hero? Senator Triano feels threatened by mayoral candidate Phara Ady’s agenda and ploys to befriend her so as to break her down morally, spiritually, and politically. When he fails at all these things, he invites her to a party, unbeknownst to her, that is an underground sex party that results in her accidental and tragic death.
B. How many ways can the Villain attack or destroy the hero? On all these fronts: morally, spiritually, politically, and her mortal being.
C. What advantage does the Villain have and how can they exploit that in this movie? His influence in both the political and underground world.
D. What would be a “fitting end” for this Villain where they pay for what they’ve done? For the underground and his political parties to turn against him in a violent way.
2. Include labels with each step of their plan.
Develop your own set of labels, but make sure you clearly show decisions, plans, and actions your Villain takes.
TRAPPED: With suspicions lingering that SenatorTriano had something to do with Phara Ady’s death, he disappears in the subworld of the underground where he reigns.
PURCHASE: Senator Triano is a very wealthy man and is able to buy his way out the charges brought against him and submerge from the underworld and regain even more power and momentum in the political race.
MISTAKE: Some of his underground followers disagree with his course of action which comes back to haunt him in the end.
DILEMMA: Phara Ady coming back as voodoo incarnate Maman Phara and wreaks havoc on all of Senator Triano’s corrupt parties and the underground world that stole her mortal life from her.
DECEPTION: When Senator Triano learns of Maman Phara, he looks to his voodoo resources to defend himself against her.
PLAN: To seek her out in the daylight when she is most vulnerable.
PLAN/HIDING OUT: He utilizes all his hideouts (the ins-and-outs) in New Orleans while hsi search party seeks out Maman Phara in the daylight hours.
CAPTURE: When Maman Phara is eventually tracked down and defeated, she is brought in to face charges in the underground courts.
RETALIATION: In retaliation to the Underground turning against him and sides with Maman Phara, he leans to his closest allies in political circles in the real world to help him do battle.
HAND-TO-HAND COMBAT: Maman Phara and her newfound allies in the underground versus Senator Triano and all his military/MMA friends.
FITTING ENDING: Senator Triano fatality comes during the height of Mardi Gras.
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Christopher Dalbey’’s Hero’s Mission Track
What I learned doing this assignment is that the building blocks to the Hero’s mission and drive gives the story structure a stronger backbone. I also noted that seeing the mission track in front of me gives me a clearer perspective of how and where to watermark the set-ups and payoffs.
A. What is it about this Hero that will have them go straight into the face of the overwhelming odds? Because of her determination to distance herself from the voodoo ties that her family has been allied with, Phara is consumed to win her seat in the mayoral race in New Orleans. But knows that she has an uphill battle in New Orleans if she is to win because of her political oppositions and corruption.
B. What is the mission that would be an impossible goal? To win the seat as mayor of New Orleans.
C. What strong internal and external motivation could drive the hero? Internally, she is driven to separate herself from the associations that her family has with the voodoo culture. Externally, she is well educated in political science with a background in MMA to boot.
D. Imagine that mission playing out across a story. What could naturally happen if this hero went on this mission against this villain? After her inadvertent and tragic death, she must first come to terms that she’s been reincarnated as voodoo deity Maman Phara. When she does, she fastens to her supernatural abilities and seek the justice and vengeance against those who wronged her as a mortal
MISSION STEPS:
Clear Mission:
Motivation: Phara’s determination to detach herself from family ties and finds new identity as mayor of New Orleans.
Inciting Incident: Phara is raped and murdered at an underground sex party that Senator Triano (antagonist) heads.
First Action: She realizes her supernatural powers as voodoo incarnate Maman Phara when she encounters the first of many political persons whom were involved in her murder.
Obstacle: Senator Triano’s insurmountable power both in the underground and deep in corrupt political circles.
Escalation: The closer she gets to Senator Triano, the more she learns of his ties to the voodoo culture and hierarchy.
Overwhelming Odds: She is constantly being combated with Senator Triano’s underground army and his influence throughout New Orleans.
New Plan: She forms a plan to strike when her powers are fully available to her – in the dark partying hours of New Orleans.
Full out Attack: With his excessive influence, Senator Triano has a search team to seek out Maman Phara. But she makes this difficult for Triano’s goonies to seek her out now that she goes under many guises to secretly infiltrate Triano’s team during Mardi Gras.
Success: She finally gets to Senator Triano and dethrones him in the underworld.
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What I learned doing this assignment is that by playing out different scenarios opens up potential for more engaging conflict and action between hero and villain.
Concept: Honest mayoral candidate, Phara Ady, is on the cusp of victory when she is exposed to having ties to voodoo … Mardi Gras is in full swing, Phara vanishes and blood fills the streets as corrupt politicians are massacred one by one.
Hero: A mayoral candidate and voodoo deity incarnate.
Demand for Action: Inadvertently finds herself at an underground sex society party where she is slain but comes back at the voodoo incarnate, Maman Phara, and targets all the dirty politicians invloved.
Mission: Seek retribution.
Antagonist: Senator Triano, a very corrupt politician who only sees the world through the seven deadly sins.
Escalating Action: What she couldn’t do as an aspiring mayoral candidate, she accomplishes as the voodoo incarnate Maman Phara, stopping at nothing and annihilating all that was corrupt in the political world that surrounded her as a mortal.
Hero Morally Right: Phara’s mission to restore justice in New Orleans but as a voodoo deity.
Villain Morally Wrong: Senator is corrupt in every way imaginable a politician can be and has a secret underground society that supports his master plan.
Hero: Phara Ady
A. Unique Skill Set: family ties to voodoo and has a background in MMA.
B. Motivation: Seeks justice and revenge.
C. Secret or Wound: Lost her nuclear family in Katrina. Been exiled from her family for detaching herself from voodoo and its culture.
Villain: Senator Richard Triano.
A. Unbeatable: His connections to the underground and within a variety of political circles are deep routed. Has been amassing a small underground army for sometime.
B. Plan/Goal: For his secret agenda/masterplan to be successful and reign in the new world.
C. What they lose if Hero survives: He will lose everything he’s worked hard to achieve in establishing a new order.
Impossible Mission
A. Puts Hero in Action: Phara realizing what she has become and her newfound purpose as voodoo incarnate Maman Phara.
B. Demands They Go Beyond Their Best: For Phara Ady to utilize her supernatural abilities as Maman Phara to take down Senator Triano and all his corrupt parties.
C. Destroy the Villain: By rivaling Senator Triano as voodoo incarnate KALFU, MAMAN PHARA’s counterpart.
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Christopher Dalbey’s Conventions
Concept: Honest mayoral candidate, Phara Ady, is on the cusp of victory when she is exposed to having ties to voodoo … Mardi Gras is in full swing, Phara vanishes and blood fills the streets as corrupt politicians are massacred one by one.
Hero: A mayoral candidate and voodoo deity incarnate.
Demand for Action: Inadvertently finds herself at an underground sex society party where she is slain but comes back at the voodoo incarnate, Maman Phara, and targets all the dirty politicians invloved.
Mission: Seek retribution.
Antagonist: Senator Triano, a very corrupt politician who only sees the world through the seven deadly sins.
Escalating Action: What she couldn’t do as an aspiring mayoral candidate, she accomplishes as the voodoo incarnate Maman Phara, stopping at nothing and annihilating all that was corrupt in the political world that surrounded her as a mortal.
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1. Hi Everyone! I am Christopher Dalbey, a screenwriter, SAG-AFTRA actor, and musician.
2. I’ve written ten features and almost sold my latest feature (Twisted Lily) pre pandemic and look to take it back to the market once I’ve finished revising.
3. My goal from taking the course is to better my understanding of the Action genre and it’s conventions, to elevate and broaden my writing capabilities.
4. A little something different about myself – I’ve booked recurring roles on network shows and landed leading roles on celebrated Indie films.
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Christopher Dalbey agrees to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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I, Christopher Dalbey, agree to the terms on this release form.
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.agree to the terms of this release form.