[CHRISTOPHER WEBB]

What I learned is it is important to have a sequence created ahead of time. I had a plan of what might happen to the main here, but I never thought to put the mystery/intrigue/suspense and danger into the plot. This has helped me and bettered me.

What is the Villain’s plan and how does that put the Hero in danger?
The villain is a gangster who is in political power. On his face he is the mayor of the Township of Underwood, New Jersey. But, beyond that, he oversees, operates, and finances a criminal organization. He collects them and houses them under an insurance company that he funds but does not have anything to do with in name. The company insures people in his criminal empire under a legitimate insurance company. —The danger comes when one of the investigators for the insurance company, Paul Muckshaw, is arrested. Knowing that he will be targeted, he makes a call to an inmate in Leavenworth Prison, Martin Avery. However, Martin is unable to take the call because he is put in solitary confinement for beating an inmate into a coma. Two days later, Paul is shot dead. The start of the pilot picks up four months later after Martin is released. He heads back to his hometown to investigate, not knowing he’s already been investigated for any possible connection to Paul. {This is the immediate plan for the pilot]
What other potential dangers could your Hero experience as they try to solve the mystery and confront the Villain?
Many by working as an insurance investigator for a company that insures (secretly) some of the most dangerous men and women in criminal enterprise, he is literally entering a hornets nest. The more he investigates the more that he is in danger of losing his life and the attacks can come in a variety of ways since he is dealing with a variety of criminals. His only saving grace is that killing him may expose their criminality so they have to hold off until it’s convenient for them.
From the list of potential dangers, choose the ones that work for this story.
Threats
Talking about the danger
Physical danger
Surveillance / watched
Chased
Lured into a dangerous situation
Closeness to the villain
Trapped / Abducted / Arrested
Danger to someone they know
People around them die or are injured.
Stalked
Thugs or professionals hired to hurt them.
Presence of weapons or thugs
The unknown
Something that damages their reputation
Public humiliation.
A demand to stop pursuing the mystery.
Betrayal from someone close.
Someone operating covertly around them.
Other parties who want the Villain dead.
Sequence those dangers in order and make a list like the one I did for Basic Instinct above.
For the pilot only
He is surveilled/watched.
Someone operating covertly around Him.
Placed in Physical danger
Is told about the danger of the job and what it demands
He is close to the villain as his partner at the job (and future romantic interest is a double agent and a trained assassin).
A demand to stop pursuing the mystery

• This reply was modified 8 months ago by  CHRISTOPHER WEBB.

[CHRISTOPHER WEBB]

What I learned is: it’s important to lay your mysteries out like a connected/connective maze that your hero must muddle through

What is the big secret that the Villain is covering up?
– That the mayor (unseen villain) is the leader and funder of a criminal organization that operates at his enforcement arm across the world.
How many ways can they cover that secret? Those become the mysteries.
He funds an insurance company and has each one of his syndicate covered under the guise of being clients of their insurance company. This allows them to communicate with each other without suspicion.
The first mystery must engage the Hero into solving it.
He’s drawn into the mystery of his neighbor across the hall, Ciella, who he suspects killed someone and just so happens to work at his new job.
Sequence the mysteries so that each one leads us to the next one. Include ONE Red Herring mystery if you can.
Why is someone breaking into his neighbors house and who is he?
How does the man later end up dead and who killed him?
A police officer dies in a traffic accident — it is later found out that he and the breaker and enterer know each other. How are they connected?
Our hero (Martin), his sister is a copy investigating the death of the other officer. How is his sister involved
Martin gets a job at a local insurance Company, where Ciella, his mysterious neighbor works.
Create a Mystery Chain for each main mystery.
Mystery 1 – Is his neighbor a cold blooded killer.
Ciella lives across the hall of his apartment but he’s never seen her before
A stranger, (woman) stops him and in the hallway and asks if he’s seen her. She’s clearly worried
He catches a man breaking into her apartment
He calls the police but nothing comes of it.
He later finds out that the man is dead.
He calls the police officer investigating the case to provide info but is rebuffed.
The police officer investigating the case later dies in a car accident.
The police officer worked off the books as an insurance investigator for the insurance company where Martin is employed.

• This reply was modified 8 months ago by  CHRISTOPHER WEBB.

[CHRISTOPHER WEBB]

What I learned is: That I needed to create a through an intricate plan for the villain to success and for the hero to unravel. I had to go more in depth and do more research to find the bones of the criminality rather than just the outer layer.

To create your Villain’s plan, answer these four questions:

What is the end goal? – The end goal of the corrupt rich Mayor Crumble is to have his own private army. In the state of New Jersey, it is illegal for a politician to have his own private army so he is doing what he can in order to subvert the law to have his own army under his control.

How can the Villain accomplish that in a devious way? He is the private funding of his own insurance company. The company insures only former criminals, the disenfranchised, the unsupported, those who’ve had their back turned by society.

How can they cover it up? – By funding his own private insurance company.

Sequence it to make it as intriguing as possible.

Wins Mayoral ship in the year 2000 after starting out rich.

Nearly gets caught using political positioning to acquire land illegally. Alters plan. Realizes that there is not enough distance/protection between him and his criminality.

Sets up The triumvirate. A trio of criminal who answer to him and are the go between him and his criminality. He provides the funding. They do the work.

The come up with plan to open insurance company and collect criminals to set up a private army for criminality

Plants his men inside various positions inside the attorney generals office as well as the department of banking and insurance.

Obtains legitimate license to open insurance company.

Sets up Adherence Insurance company for the purpose of insuring a specific kind of clientele.

• This reply was modified 8 months ago by  CHRISTOPHER WEBB.

[CHRISTOPHER WEBB]

ASSIGNMENT

What I learned doing this assignment is: That I need to be explicit about my main Character’s mystery, intrigue, and suspense. When I originally crafted the character, I had him as the role of the “straight man” against the crooked endeavors of those around him. But… as I was writing it I found the character boring and his story flat out uninteresting. I needed to make him more dynamic as far as being more than just a plot device for an aspiring storyteller.

The hardest and most time consuming part of this assignment was to create the mystery, intrigue, and suspect for the main hero. Not just that, but to make it good and compelling. I might still have to tweak it a bit because I didn’t get a good feeling about it as I wrote this assignments answers… but least it is a step in the right direction.

Concept Reminder: A disgraced former soldier must survive trained assassins, a criminal syndicate, and corrupt politicians after getting into the middle of criminal conspiracy involving a corrupt insurance company that caters only to the country’s most dangerous criminals.

Big Mystery: What is the main mystery of your story that will keep us wondering throughout the story?
Who is killing the criminals in this small town and how will the warring criminal syndicates vying for control of these criminals deal with Martin’s interference.

Big Intrigue: What is the covert, clandestine, underhanded part that will live under the surface for most of the movie?
The collection of ex-criminals under one regime. Will they fall under the whim of corrupt politicians hell bent on their own private army or will they fall under the control of the criminal syndicate?

Big Suspense: What is the main danger to your Hero that will continue to escalate throughout the script?
Caught in a war between two criminal syndicates, Martin will have to evade death and imprisonment as he attempts to solve a murder mystery while being targeted on multiple fronts.

2. Tell us the Intriguing World you have selected for this story.
Insurance. In this story Adherence Insurance provides umbrella coverage to current and former criminals who have exhausted other options. No mainline insurance companies will cover them or their policies are too expensive. Adherence Insurance helps them on the cheap… giving them tremendous leverage over those under their coverage.

3. With your top 2 or 3 characters, tell us the role they play and then answer these three questions:

Hero/Main Character – Martin Avery
A. What is the mystery of this character? – How does he find the serial killer and uncover the mystery of Adherence Insurance.
B. What is the suspense of this character? – As he and Ciella grow close, how will he be able to survive the criminal way that she is fully embedded in?
C. What is the intrigue of this character? – Why was Martin in military prison for 18 months and why his that part of his record sealed?

Secondary Antagonist/Protagonist – Ciella Lawrence
A. What is the mystery of this character? – How does she assist Martin in finding out the serial killer while staying alive and keeping her criminal past hidden from him.
B. What is the suspense of this character? – How will Ciella manage to stay alive while being a target of a criminal syndicate while maintaining a the guise of being an honest civilian?
C. What is the intrigue of this character? – Her ability to be smarter and deadlier than everyone else. She’s the brains of her criminal enterprise secretly orchestrates everything stateside.

Red Herring – Richard Russell – Adherence Insurance Actuary (figurehead)
A. What is the mystery of this character? – How does he manage the criminal clients under his care while keeping his family safe
B. What is the suspense of this character? – Can he keep his company from becoming under scrutiny from both the police and attorney general?
C. What is the intrigue of this character? – Keeping his clients alive and making sure they're not taken advantage of.

• This reply was modified 8 months, 1 week ago by  CHRISTOPHER WEBB.

[CHRISTOPHER WEBB]

Subject line: Christopher’s Big M.I.S.

ASSIGNMENT

Confession #1 – This is for a TV show rather than a movie.

Confession #2 – I had already started writing the pilot before I started the class.

What I learned doing this assignment is:

I learned my hero needs his own personal mystery In my as-of-now-unfinished pilot, I had revealed too much information about why my hero, Martin Avery, was in prison for 18 months. I did this because his past as Military Investigator who then went to jail would perfectly serve the story and make him an attractive person for the insurance company to hire. However, by revealing too much too soon I had caused him to be less interesting. Also, there is way too much exposition as a result. Now I will keep the reason for his imprisonment a mystery while still making him a uniquely qualified person in this world, without whom there wouldn’t be a story to tell.

I also learned to flesh out my villains motivation and plan in full detail. This way, I can structure the plot as such when I create it. I hadn’t put together the final piece of why the villains were collecting these criminals and ex-felons. But having a corrupt politician in control of a private militia operating on U.S. soil is a great motivator.

I learned I needed to add an additional element to the story. I had not added the serial killer element to the story. I needed a more personal touch to the story. More than just a man who was caught between two warring criminal syndicate. A murder mystery added to it brings the story more intrigue, mystery, and depth. It also draws unwanted police attention which adds another complication to the story.

Logline: A disgraced former soldier must survive trained assassins, a criminal syndicate, and corrupt politicians after getting into the middle of criminal conspiracy involving a corrupt insurance company that caters only to the country’s most dangerous criminals.

What are the conventions of your story?

Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: Martin Avery – a dishonorably discharged veteran recently released from military prison after serving 18 months for an undisclosed military offense. His conviction was overturned and his military record is sealed but his dishonorable discharge remains. He moves back to his hometown where he is reunited with his sister (Kara), her husband (Douglas) and his mother (Laurenita). He steps into a a dangerous situation when he obtains a high paying job as an investigator for Adherence Insurance, a company that strictly caters to former and current criminals as well as their businesses.

Dangerous Villain (s): The Triumvirate – The leaders of a three separate global criminal factions. They provide the financial backing for Adherence Insurance while monitoring and blackmailing the criminal element that they insure to expand their criminal empire.

Secondary Villain: Ciella Lawrence – Ciella is an investigator for Adherence Insurance and has been a member for over a year. Before that, she was a key cog in the German criminal organization, The Gigante. Trained by her father from a young age to be a killer, she is an expert fighter, bomb maker, and criminal tactician.

High stakes: Martin becomes a caught up in a criminal conspiracy. The criminals that are insured by this company are being murdered. When Martin and his co-worker Ciella discover this, they realize that this goes deeper than they imagined. When they delve too deep they to become targets.

This story is thrilling because? All of the major parties involved, not just the hero has something at risk. Their livelihood is threatened at every turn and they don’t know how to escape. There is mystery, betrayal, intrigue, suspense, drama… and even love (if there’s enough time for it).

2. Tell us the Big M.I.S. of your story?

Big Mystery: What is the main mystery of your story that will keep us wondering throughout the story?

Who is are killing the criminals in town?

How will Ciella’s loyalty to her criminal life & ties in Europe interfere with her chance at potential happiness in America?

Big Intrigue: What is the covert, clandestine, underhanded plot that will live under the surface for most of the movie?

To create a collection of criminals to form an illegal militia under the control of corrupt politicians to enact their will and maintain power.

Big Suspense: What is the main danger to your Hero that will continue to escalate throughout the script?

Martin is beset on all sides by opposition – His coworker, Ciella, works for a rival criminal element who has enemies that target the both of them. The politician’s using the criminal element for their own benefit see Martin as a threat to their plan and work on a way to eliminate him. There is also serial killer killing the criminals.

• This reply was modified 8 months, 2 weeks ago by  CHRISTOPHER WEBB. Reason: unlocking clunkiness

[CHRISTOPHER WEBB]

Movie: Anon Thriller Conventions

What I learned doing this assignment:

What doesn’t work, even when the thrills are there. While the movie is thrilling it is completely devoid of depth. There is no catharsis. No deep meaning. No thoughtful provocation to come from it.

A hero requires a unique resourcefulness to stand out. Our cop is a detective first class with access to advanced technology… but every cop has access to the same advanced technology. Nothing about this hero makes him the only one or the special one, or the uniquely skilled one to partake of this mission. He might be the best man for the job. He might not be. And while he is skilled and a good detective, we don’t know any relative scale towards his other cops. You could have plugged in any other cop to get the job done and the movie doesn’t suffer.

The Villain needs great motivation: “Thanos was right” If you’ve never watched the Marvel Avengers movie franchise, Thanos is a villain who believes that the universe’s resources are finite and half of all life must be extinguished so that the other half can thrive. That is what caused his own planet, Titan, to be destroyed. “Too many mouths, not enough to go around,” in the Villain’s own words. Disjointed as his philosophy is, it served as great motivation for him to do the horrible things he did. —> —> —> In this movie, the killer only killed those who could identify him. The hidden killer killed to stay hidden. Survival is as good a motivator as anything, but not when you’re already hidden and impossible to find by even the police. And the killer could erase memories, so why not erase the memories of those he came in contact with?

Red Herrings are easier to spot if you know what to look for: Early in the movie, the hero cop walks the street and everyone he sees has their full bio on display… except for a mysterious woman. Later the hero cop goes undercover and meets the ‘ghost’ , who is the woman from earlier who didn’t have her information accessible. We’re made to believe that she is the killer. She even has the same gun as the killer and wears the same gloves as the killer. It was too obvious she was not the killer. At the end of the movie when the killer is revealed, it has actually less impact because the misdirect was so obvious we knew it had to be someone else. And so when that killer was revealed it was like “oh… well I knew it wasn’t her."

Premise – In a future where everyone is embedded with technology that enables people to see and record everything with their eyes, store it, and share it.. a cop find himself in the center of a murder mystery when a serial killer is able to move about this future world undetected. Can the cop stop the killer who cannot be seen?

Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: Sal Frieland – A detective first class who stumbles into a murder case where future technology cannot aid him. In a world where everything and everyone is captured and quantified on video, the villain manages to kill without being noticed.
Our hero is clever, brave, and has good intuition, but is outclassed by the smarter, more devious villain.

Dangerous Villain: Cyrus Frear – An expert hacker hired by the police department to find out how the serial killer is able to bypass the governmental monitoring tracking software and move about undetected. Already being smarter than the cops and a few steps ahead, working on the inside gives him even more of an advantage. He is able to understand how they think, operate, and plan. He sees the flaws in their software and is able to keep an eye on everything that way. He even sets up another person a “ghost” in the software for the crime. He is only caught (and summarily killed) when the hero teams up with the “ghost” being framed for the killings and they lay a trap for him.

High stakes: Lives are at risk. But also, the software the government uses to keep crime down and monitor everything is at stake. If the software were to go down, the belief is that the world at large would be thrown into the rampant crime and lawlessness of the previous century (our current century).

Life and death situations: 6 murders were committed including a Lester Hagen, a good cop who was the main one assisting the hero.

This movie is thrilling because? From the time the mystery starts, almost every scene is about the mystery. The ones that aren’t have to do with the personal trauma of the hero detective who lost his son due to negligence. You are either enthralled by the mysterious killer enthralled by the detective’s own personal mysteries. Then, when new and important characters are introduced, they have their own personal mysteries.

3. What is the BIG Mystery, Intrigue, and Suspense of this story?

Big Mystery: Who is the serial killer who cant be seen by either camera or naked eye?
Big Intrigue: How does the villain manipulate the technology in order to bypass the most advanced security system. The ability to create a system that allows him to disappear from the grid took years to create.
Big Suspense: The hero becomes the killers final target. The villain hijacks the technology in the hero’s eyes to constantly have the hero see things that are not there. Not only is the killer invisible, but the hero can’t trust his own eyes.

4. Anything else you’d like to say about what made this movie a great thriller?
A: The unreliable narrator aspect of the movie is well done. In this world our eyes digitize everything and it is stored as a memory file. But when those files are erased… is your life erased? What if all your precious memories could be wiped away… who would you be. This movie explores that for the hero and it makes good for amping up the thrills when the hero is slowly being driven mad by the overtaking of his memories and his complete visual impairment.

• This reply was modified 8 months, 2 weeks ago by  CHRISTOPHER WEBB.
• This reply was modified 8 months, 2 weeks ago by  CHRISTOPHER WEBB. Reason: Edit: underlining, italicizing, and bolding

[CHRISTOPHER WEBB]

Tell us the following:
1. Name – Christopher Webb
2. How many scripts you’ve written? – Four
3. What you hope to get out of the class? – I hope to make the current script I’m working on eligible for winning contests.
4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? – Served nearly ten years in the Army including two tours overseas.

[CHRISTOPHER WEBB]

Christopher Webb

"I agree to the terms of this release form."

• This reply was modified 8 months, 2 weeks ago by  CHRISTOPHER WEBB.

[CHRISTOPHER WEBB]

Week 2 Day 1: Belonging Together – SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE

Insights & Breakthroughs

Breakthrough – Annie is probably lonelier than Sam is. There is pain on her face at hearing Sam’s story is blatant and obvious. What’s less obvious is that she doesn’t just sympathize, she understand because she lives it and exists in it as a daily subsistence of loneliness. She smiles when she and Sam say the same thing at the same time because she feels a genuine connection with someone who she’s never interacted with.

Insight – Sam’s son knows the value of companionship at a young age. It’s one thing to recognize that your father misses your mother. It’s another thing altogether to realize that your father needs love in his life in order to fully be functional. Calling a relationship talk show to get his father help is about a drastic a step as child his age can take. Such a daring move to take what has a high potential for embarrassment for his father

[SCENE]

Ciella Krimmel (F/20s/White) shares a drink with her new trainee Martin Reeks (M/30s/Black) at a local bar after their first day of work together. They sit at the bar as they converse.

Ciella – You surprised I asked you for a drink?

Martin – [shrugs] Not really. Some sort of team bonding ritual I guess.

She shrugs.

Ciella – Maybe. It’s my first time having a trainee. Never trained anyone before today.

Martin – Oh. Well. In that case.

Martin raises his glass of whiskey up for a toast. Ciella follows suit with he glass of brandy. CLINK. The glasses meet. They both take a sip from each of their own respective glasses.

Ciella – So how’d I do?

Martin – Well you had me nearly disemboweled by a Rottweiler so… maybe not so good.

She laughs.

CIella – Hey you did alright. Quick reflexes. Smart thinking. And, you didn’t hurt the dog. Must be all that dog training you had in the Army.

Martin – [Dryly) Ha ha. Funny. [Normal] Never even had dog growing up. My mother was fond of them. But my dad wouldn’t allow it.

Ciella – Well, we are our father’s creation aren’t we?

He raises his eyebrows and waits for her to continue.

Ciella – My father was a strict disciplinarian but he loved us all. And to this day I’ve never seen the kind of love my parents had anywhere else.

She takes a long drag of brandy from her glass and her firm smile goes dark grim.

Ciella – That all changed why my brother died. He changed. Tore apart every good fabric of our lives. Mom wasn’t able to last long and left soon after that took my older sister with her.

Martin – But not you?

Ciella – My father wouldn’t let me go. My sister was 18 and could make her own choices. But I was only eleven. I had no choices.

She runs her finger around the circumference of the rim of her glass as she stares into it with a somber face.

Martin – How did your brother die?

She freezes in place for a moment before she turns to him with a somber expression.

Ciella – He was murdered.

[CHRISTOPHER WEBB]

Week 1 Day 5: Character Wound – GOOD WILL HUNTING

Breakthroughs

Will Is tough but doesn’t need to his toughness to survive. He thinks he does and wears it as an outer shell. In reality, he’s expressing his toughness to everyone who doesn’t deserve it because he couldn’t expresses it to the person(s) who do deserve it, his abuser(s). He hates himself because of this and, in his mind, anyone who loves him is stupid for doing so because deep down he believes he doesn’t deserve it. That’s why love can turn to anger in seconds.

Insights

Sklyar keeps unknowingly making mistakes with Will that causes him to go further and further away from her. Once he tells her about his abuse she says she wants to help him. Then when he spirals further and further away from her she doubles down her by forcing him to say something that they both know isn’t true, which is that he doesn’t love her. But putting him into a corner she further causes him to recede into his bad habits.

[SCENE]

Set-up: Tremaine (M/30s/Black) tries to convince his childhood friend Martin (M/30s/Black) to join his pro-Black militia group. Their mutual friend Lawrence (M/30s/Black) silently observes.

Martin – So what exactly are you getting into? Why do you need me? What do you want?

Tremaine – Need you, Dawg. Just you. Your knowledge, your skills.

Martin – My father.

Tremaine – Man, fuck your father! You need to move further and further away from him. He’s toxic, Dawg. You feel me?

Martin – He might say the same about you?

Tremaine scoffs and chuckles with Lawrence, who finds this funny as well. Martin Looks confused.

Tremaine – Man your father say that about all Black people in the struggle. He don’t know about it. Neither do you for that matter. Grew up with money. Father paid for college. Even when you joined the Army you had a support system to take care of you. Yeah, you worked hard but you ain’t never been on your own. Not really. Not until now. Not until this.

Martin – Are you two going to pretend that you didn’t go to the same private high school that I went to? Were right there with me when white boys told us that we’re only there because we were Black. When the white girls told us that they couldn’t date us because of their parents.

Tremaine – Naw. They told YOU that!

The three of them laugh.

Martin – Remember Kirsten Richardson? She was beautiful. I had it bad for her.

Tremaine – I remember. That’s why we never told you we hooked up.

Martin – You’re lying!

Tremaine shrugs. Martin looks at Lawrence, who also shrugs.

Tremaine – Just call it one of the mysteries of life. But see what you just did there? Changing topics. Not gonna work with me. Need an answer, dawg. Soon. Things are in motion.

Martin – What things?

Tremaine – Can’t tell you unless you’re in. So… decision time. Take your time, but once you pick, either way, you’re in and there’s no going back after you kick the can.

Tremaine walks off. Martin looks at Lawrence, who simply shrugs and then follows Tremaine.

[CHRISTOPHER WEBB]

Week 1 Day 4: Secrets and Reveals – LOST

insights

Kate is comfortable with Sawyer – She plays a game with Sawyer which would possibly allow her past to be revealed but she never would’ve played this game with Jack because Jack would judge her. Even if he tries to conceal it the disgust would show in his micro expressions and Kate would pick up on that.

Breakthrough –

Sawyer doesn’t think he deserves to be happy – My breakthrough about Sawyer is he doesn’t think he deserves to be happy. He’s pursuing a woman who he knows is a murderer and a criminal and still pursues her because he doesn’t think he deserves better for himself. Even at the end of the 2nd clip he talks about how he and Kate are the same. That should disgust him… but it doesn’t. He so low in the moral muck he that he doesn’t believe he can get out and a part of him doesn’t want to get out.

[SCENE]

David Reeks, who’s company is under federal investigation, talks to his son, Martin, who was previously informed by a federal agent that his father was trying to set him up for his crimes.

INT. OFFICE – DAY

Martin and David talk to each other in Martin’s office.

Martin – So how long have you been in trouble with the Feds?

David stands with his arms crossed and stares at Martin with cold, surveilling eyes. His jaw is clenched and his lips are pursed. Martin shrugs.

Martin – You gonna have your goons to check me for a wire again? Like I’m the untrustworthy one? As if you didn’t set me up to take the fall. Yea I spoke to Agent Charlie. He told me that documents signed in my name were used on some of your illegal activity. Documents I supposedly signed when i was overseas in Afghanistan. You’re too smart to be that obvious. So what’s going on?

David turns away from his son, unable to meet his eyes. Martin turns up the pressure.

Martin – So how long did you plan to break bad huh? I mean… when did you stop being legal?

David – IT WAS NEVER LEGAL! OKAY!?!? EVERYTHiNG WAS BAD! ALL OF IT FROM THE START.

Martin – That’s not true. Feds would’ve been on you for a long while.

David gives him a look.

Martin – Also, your acting is terrible, And I’m not wearing a wire.

David – I don’t know you anymore. Not really. You spent too much time outside my coverage.

Martin – “Your coverage?” What are you the Sprint Mobile Network Plan?

David sits on the edge of a table.

David – I don’t know what you did with those white folks in the Army? Corruption of all kinds happen when you deal with them. Believe me I know. And I’m paying for it.

Martin – So, what? You racist now? Got an anti-white vendetta like some Black Nationallist?

David – I wanted you to stay away from all this. But you refuse to listen,

Martin – Or maybe I don’t take order from you anymore.

David – You’re a follower, not a leader. You’re not going to thrive on your own and will fall on you ass out there. Bet’cha be coming back then? Guarantee.

Martin thinks about this for a moment before responding.

Martin This is the last time we’ll see each other for a while. If ever. Better get everything off your chest now. before I walks out.

David ponders a moment but then shrugs after not coming up with anything.

David – I got nothing.

Disappointed. Marcus walks out of the office.

[CHRISTOPHER WEBB]

Week 1 Day 3: The “Right Characters” for this story! – THE LEGEND OF BAGGER VANCE

Insights

Bagger Vance uses humor to disarm Junah. A stranger appearing out of the dark onto your land should be more alarming to Junah, but Bagger Vance jokingly insults him in a way that’s disarming and true. And throughout the interaction Bagger Vance further uses humor to counteract his annoyance and constant interruption. All the while he’s there to try and get a job and by the time Bagger Vance negotiates a payment with Junah, they have a rapport already.

Insights

Junah is desperately obsessed to be who he once was. So much so that he’ll let a stranger go in his house to eat without even knowing anything about him. He only gets annoyed when Vance prevents him from golfing. He grimaces when Vance seems to walk away and comes back to keep interrupting him. He gets indignant when asking Vance to take a swing. Then when Vance takes a very good golf swing Junah practically yanks the golf club back. When Bagger Vance mentions that Junah lost his swing, it’s the first time that Junah is fully engaged the conversation and not just giving dismissive answers to in order to get back to golfing.

[SCENE]

Set Up: Martin talks to his father, David, about the federal investigation into his company.

INT. OFFICE – NIGHT

Martin and his father talk about the federal investigation into his company.

Martin – I’m just not sure what it is they think you did.

David – That’s because you went to college then straight into the army. You were gone for eleven years. There are things you don’t know.

Martin – Yeah? Like what?

David gives him a look that suggests its REALLY BAD. Martin looks very concerned, but then realizes something.

Martin – Is that why you told me I had to join the Army after college in order to inherit the business one day? Because you knew this would happen? Or was it already happening?

David – Remember how you used to say I was overprotective. Well, guess you had a point. [chuckles]

Martin – JOKES?!?! You have jokes at a time like this?

David – You need to calm down. You’ll be fine. I’ve prepared you for life without the company.

Martin – But I grew up in this company. You groomed me to take it over. I know a lot of the people. Good people.

David – You don’t know everything. They’re nice to the boss’ kid. Doesn’t mean they’re good people.

Martin – Why? What’d they do?

David looks at him cautiously. He presses a button on his desk phone and two burly men instantly walk in the room and stand on the each side of Martin . Martin gives his father a look of utter betrayal.

David – Don’t give me that look. I dunno who compromised you while you were away. Who you might be working for.

Martin – You’re paranoid.

David – Par for the course.

David jerks his chin towards his son. The two goons roughly and thoroughly search him for a wire or any listening device. They come up empty.

David – Phone.

They reach for Martin’s phone but Martin steps away from them and gets into a fighting stance. The two goons look at David for instruction.

David – Turn over your phone, Son. Need to know if you’re recording this. If you truly want to be in know about these things then just comply. Don’t make this harder than it has to be.

Martin looks at his father with surprise. He puts his hands up in surrender and heads towards the exit.

David – Let him go. No need to drag this out any further.

Martin begins to exits.

David – Oh, and Son? (Martin turns towards David) Don’t come back here. You’re no longer wanted or needed.

Martin gives his father a long look before departing.

• This reply was modified 3 years ago by  CHRISTOPHER WEBB.

[CHRISTOPHER WEBB]

Week 1 Day 2: Living Into Their Future – THE TERMINATOR

Breakthrough

Kyle Reese is enamored with John Connor so much that Sarah Connor the idea is more important than Sarah Connor the person. It’s not love or lust, it’s admiration. All of his admiration is based on things she hasn’t done yet, primarily raising John Connor to be a man that Reese will die for. He talks about John Connor with such reverence that It borders on worship. Sarah Connor is just an extension of that.

Sarah Connor understates her abilities. She applies a pretty good field dressing to a wounded arm on her first attempt ever. She keeps Kyle talking to keep morale up and not fall into despair despite being cold, injured, on the road, and roofless, with a car that just had to abandon. For someone who lived a comfortable life she’s acclimating well.

[SCENE]

SET-UP: Ciella just found out that she will be training the newest recruit, Martin, the details of insurance fraud investigations. They’ve just got their first case and are driving to the location to do an interview. For reference, Martin’s father, David, owns a Private security business that is currently under federal investigation.

INT. CAR – DAY

Ciella – So I assume you don’t want to talk about what your father.

Martin – We can talk about him if you want. No issues with that.

Ciella – Hmm. That means you don’t know anything.

Martin – Or I just won’t say anything.

Ciella – Nope. You don’t know anything. Cause If you did, and I were your father, I wouldn’t let you too far out of my sight. And the Feds wouldn’t either.

Martin – Wow. You assume a lot. But you’re not just being a know-it-all, that’s part of your investigation tactic. Cause in my experience if you assume things about people and you end up being right they’ll say, “How’d you know?” and you’ll come up with some Sherlock Holmes-ian level story about how exceptional your observational skills are and you’ll try and pass it off as natural ability. But if you’re wrong, people will tell you you’re wrong and will go out of their way just prove it to you. Either way you get the information you wanted and maybe even a little more than that.

Ciella stays silent as she drives. Martin gives her an odd look but she doesn’t wait long before speaking.

Ciella – So I was right, you don’t know anything.

He chuckles as he shakes his head. She joins in as they chuckle together.

Ciella – So how long were you in the military?

Martin – Seven years. And you don’t get points for that.

Ciella – Not trying to earn ‘em. Just trying to get to know my trainee.

• This reply was modified 3 years ago by  CHRISTOPHER WEBB.

[CHRISTOPHER WEBB]

Will comes off to me as the strong yet sensitive type. He lets his friends take the lead socially and only steps in when necessary. If Clark doesn’t confront Chuckie to try and impress maybe he doesn’t even meet Skylar. He’s naturally combative but doesn’t want to be. He only steps in once Chuckie was on the defensive after initially finding it amusing. He then escalates by challenging Clark to step outside, proving both his intellectual and physical superiority. He’s not posing, or putting on a show, or trying to impress either woman… which makes him all the more impressive. Rather than use the display of superiority to pursue a conversation/interaction with either woman, he simply leaves. From a writer’s perspective it’s a character that’s rich and exceptionally nuanced with a lot of avenues for exploration.

Insights

– Will is lonely and isolated emotionally and intellectually. He’s surrounded by friends who love him but don’t truly understand his level of intellect or his capability. Once they all get into the pub Will separates from his friends and leans against the wall with his arms crossed. To me this body language screams his total isolation amongst a sea of people: he’s observant but closed himself off. <div>

– Will doesn’t think he deserves any happiness. His intellect can take him beyond his current circumstances but he doesn’t believe he deserves it, so he doesn’t pursue it. He’s intelligent enough and socially skilled enough to impress but chooses not to do so. He remains low-key to his own detriment.

SCENE

Set-up – CIELLA (F/29) an Insurance Fraud Investigator learns from her supervisor FLORENCE (F/45) that she will be showing the ropes to MARTIN (M/32) a new trainee recently hired and about to start his first day.

INT. MONDOPLEX INSURANCE – OFFICE – DAY

CIELLA KRIMMEL (F/29) sits at her cubicle and types up a report. A blue coffee mug on her desk has an inscription that reads, “Another Crime. Another Dollar.” Next to the coffee mug is a 2022 ‘The Far Side’ desk calendar by Gary Larson. As she types her report with speed and precision, FOOTSTEPS are heard approaching from her left. She raises her eyebrows knowingly.

CIELLA – You’re usually not one for placating, but why do I get the feeling that’s what about to happen.

FLORENCE WIGHT (F/45) appears in a sharp business suit, cradling a steaming cup of coffee in her hands.

FLORENCE – Why would I be placating to my favorite investigator?

CIELLA – Uh-oh. Must be serious. Not another court case, I hope.

FLORENCE – Oh. Nothing like that. [beat] Can I put this coffee down? It’s really hot.

Ciella sighs loudly and nods towards her desk. Florence places the bright red mug on the desk next to the blue mug. She steps away from the desk, clasps her hands together under her chin, and stares at Ciella expectantly.

CIELLA – Can I finish typing up my report? It’s due today.

FLORENCE – No it’s not. You have another week.

CIELLA – Well, I would like to do it today.

FLORENCE – Sorry. This takes priority.

Ciella continues to type her report. Florence becomes annoyed.

FLORENCE – Stop typing, Ciella. We’ve got to talk.

Ciella rolls her eyes, but complies with the request. She rolls her chair away from the desk and finally meets Florence’s eyes.

CIELLA – What are we doing here? Talking about what?

FLORENCE – Well for starters how bout a little less attitude?

CIELLA – That’s far from your placating tone a few seconds ago.

FLORENCE – You weren’t being obdurate then, like you are now. But I guess it’s just Wednesday for you, isn’t it?

Ciella looks away and crosses her arms. She looks at the two coffee mugs and the Far Side calendar. She reaches towards her desk and removes Tuesday’s page from her desk calendar. She reads the Wednesday comic: An alien in a UFO lands on Earth, gets out of the UFO, punches a random man in the face, gets back in the UFO, and departs. The caption: “Doug never knew what hit him.”

She chuckles while Florence waits patiently. Ciella composes herself and stands up. Now they’re eye to eye.

CIELLA – What I can do for you, Florence?

FLORENCE – Let’s walk.

Ciella looks confused. As they walk the office hall together, co-workers look at them with amused and smirk-filled faced.

CIELLA – Everybody knows something I don’t apparently. You want to fill me in?

FLORENCE – You don’t treat me with much respect, right. I get that. So I think to myself, “What’s her problem with me?” Like why the groans and the sighs and the eye rolls and all that? But then I talked to your coworkers: You don’t like anyone. You don’t get along with anyone. You tink you’re better than everyone.

CIELLA – I don’t think I’m-

FLORENCE – Shhh. Don’t lie. Anybody with a pair of eyes can see everything I’m saying is true. Even if you don’t.

They walk closed door with an electronic lock. Florence takes out her key card and unlocks it. She holds the door open for Ciella, who gives Florence a curious look. Florence smiles and nods her head towards the entrance. After a momentary pause, they both walk through the door.

INT. MONDOPLEX INSURANCE – HALLWAY CORRIDOR – CONTINUOUS

They walk down a hallway with locked offices on the left and the right. At the end of the call is a waiting room.

CIELLA – So where are we going with all of this?

FLORENCE – Don’t use that name again. You work for me. Nicknames are inappropriate.

They reach the end of the hallway and walk into the Waiting Room

INT. MONDOPLEX INSURANCE – WAITING ROOM – CONTINUOUS

Entering the room they see MARTIN REEKS (M/30’s) who sits with patiently on the couch. He stand up when he notices the two of them enter the room.

FLORENCE – Ciella Krimmel meet Martin Reeks.

CIELLA – Reeks as in…

FLORENCE – David Reeks. CEO of PrivaSec. Currently under federal investigation.

MARTIN – Yeah. That’s my father.

Ciella look at Florence and then at Martin.

CIELLA – That’s very interesting information to know. Very interesting.

[END SCENE

</div>

[CHRISTOPHER WEBB]

Christopher Webb

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[CHRISTOPHER WEBB]

Hi. How is everything? Hope all is well with everyone.

1. Name? – Christopher Webb

2. How many scripts you’ve written? – Four (TV Pilots)

3. What you hope to get out of the class? – To create the kinds of memorable characters that are each one of them distinct with their own unique voice.

4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? – Served nearly 9+ years in the United States Army.

[CHRISTOPHER WEBB]

Oh. Just noticing this.

I’m pretty late.

No problem.