Jonathan Clark
Forum Replies Created
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Jonathan Clark Elevates Lead Characters!
“What I learned from doing this assignment is…?”
It’s really making me look at my Characters in a deeper way, and letting their arcs help determine the story itself. I especially need to make sure I don’t play it too safe with my characters. I need to push them more and make their relationships deliciously messy.
I’ve identified 4 main issues with the story and it’s the characters that seem to be solving the problems for me (thank God!):
1) the overly long first act. How to express the back story and important details that will be payed off later without taking too long to do so. I’m finding answers in the characters, tightening it all up.
2) the second fraud sequence. I’m still not quite sure how this event is going to play out, but I now know this event must be a reflection of Vincenzo’s character conflicts and push his inner dialogue to the limit. So it’s giving me a strong starting point to figure it all out.
3) the climactic action sequence. I’ve now realized a particular detail from the first act (a character detail) will serve perfectly as a major part of the action sequence. Also, the relationships made throughout the story will all fall apart like dominoes at the end, leading to a much more emotional conclusion.
4) the ending reveal. I need an Interviewer character to put a button on the whole investigation into the theft. I now realize that that character will be revealed as Chaudron’s lover. That only makes sense because of insights I’ve had about Chaudron, trying to make him more real and present in the story. It will strongly resolve what’s needed, story-wise, and also be a surprising reveal/pay-off to pipe laid earlier.
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Jonathan Clark Solves Major Problems!
“What I learned from doing this assignment is…?”
I’m now finding that just being relaxed about it and letting loose on a really focused outline stage is bringing about great rewards for the story and releasing me from stress. Yay!
Changes:
I’ve made some major overhaul changes to the story, first by bringing in the fraudulent sales/gang story more into focus. That way, an undercurrent of serious Conflict runs all the way through. I’m making sure that, though scenes before the Midpoint make Vincenzo more of a reactionary character, after the Midpoint, he’s much more proactive. To do that, I’m also amping up Vincenzo’s lack of spark and ambition early on, so his being coerced into the gang feels right and inevitable. I’m pretty happy with my opening but I realize I need to tighten it up, getting rid of a few scenes that aren’t absolutely necessary. Also, to bring about a stronger ending, I’ve changed the climax to make it more emotional and tied to earlier scenes through setups/payoffs in the Transformational Arcs of more than just one character. I’m still looking at ways to strengthen Vincenzo’s Arc where his Faith is concerned, and I feel like an early fraud scheme should somehow tie itself to the Chaudron ending directly. Overall, the story’s flow is becoming clearer to me.
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Jonathan Clark’s Outline Improvements
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?”
Character really does affect action and plot. This process has been making all the difference to my script and certainly to making the climax much stronger emotionally.
Improvements made to my outline:
A. Deliver on the pitch.
I’ve actually rewritten my pitch to better reflect the Drama conventions I need to be using, not just the Thriller conventions, which, I discovered, are actually secondary to the more emotional Drama ones. I’ve then made the focus of the script more evenly divided between the love story and the crime story, hopefully infusing each with the other.
B. Match your 4-Act structure.
This is a big one for this script, as I’ve done a major overhaul in the structure.
C. Strong on Genre Conventions.
Definite difference infusing the Drama conventions much more strongly now, more emotional.
D. The Characters Take Action from their Profiles/E. Build in each Character’s Story Line.
Had a huge breakthrough last night to do with the 2nd turning point and climax of the film, both of which were lying too flat in the original. By utilizing the character profiles/Story lines I’m now developing a much stronger/emotional through-line to the end with my action sequences, along with some paybacks to pipe laid in the First Act.
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Jonathan Clark’s Character Story Lines
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?”
I’m seeing how I can deepen existing scenes by incorporating the Arcs of my Supporting Characters. More puzzle pieces that fit!
1) VINCENZO PERUGGIA:
PROTAGONIST
Beginning: He is in jail, an enigma, everyone asking ‘why did you do it?’.
Inciting Incident: Flashback in Chaudron’s telling of the story. Vincenzo’s parents die and he’s sent to live in a church orphanage. But it’s horrible. Vincenzo runs off to live on the streets and ends up confronting the young Castigione in a street fight.
Turning Point 1: Vincenzo steals the Mona Lisa to save her. But then gets pulled into a forgery conspiracy.
Midpoint: Thrown in jail, Vincenzo can’t handle it, nearly melts down. Castigione bails him out. Tells him Italia has run off. Vincenzo better not be the reason. In essence, Vincenzo shifts his want from saving the Mona Lisa to saving Italia.
Turning Point 2:. Shunned by Italia, Vincenzo is forced to sell the Mona Lisa to some armed Turks and is very nearly killed in the process. Importantly, though, he discovers that Italia really does love him.
Dilemma: Save himself and be free, or risk it all to save Italia, even though, technically, she’s married.
Major Conflict: Vincenzo decides to steal the Mona Lisa back from De Valfierno and turn himself in, sacrificing himself, to solidify De Valfierno’s fate and Italia’s freedom. De Valfierno dies as Vincenzo’s dragged off to prison.
Ending: Vincenzo is finally released from jail as an Italian hero. And with De Valfierno dead, Vincenzo puts a ring of grass around Italia’s finger. In the eyes of God, they’re now married. He’s done it!
Arc: Vincenzo starts out in prison as a nobody with no family and ends as the most famous person in the world, free, and married to Italia.
2) ITALIA CHAUDRON:
SUPPORTING CHARACTER TO THE PROTAGONIST
Beginning: Italia is a free-spirited child who’s controlled by her family.
Inciting Incident: Her mother dies and her father falls apart, losing everything to his gambling addiction, which is how De Valfierno takes over the family.
Turning Point 1: On the night of her forced engagement to De Valfierno, Italia meets Vincenzo. She realizes he’s a thief and tells him to steal her. We discover she’s sick, coughing blood into her pillow.
Midpoint: She and Vincenzo spend the day together, swimming. Desperate, she tries to marry Vincenzo with a blade of grass around her finger. He refuses.
Turning Point 2: Italia gives up. She’s dying anyway, so she marries De Valfierno, and then collapses.
Dilemma: Does she even try to run away with Vincenzo again, or make sure he at least gets away with his life by her staying with De Valfierno?
Major Conflict: With Vincenzo’s return (he does love her!), she must use every ounce of energy in her body to try to save Vincenzo from De Valfierno. She attacks De Valfierno just as he’s about to shoot Vincenzo dead. But she’s too weak and gets thrown viciously aside. She’s lost. Until her chaperone, Miss Fortuna, retaliates on her behalf by stabbing De Valfierno to death with a sharp-ended paintbrush.
Ending: Italia waits for Vincenzo as he’s released from jail. Vincenzo kneels down and wraps a blade of grass around her finger. In the eyes of God, they’re married.
Arc: Italia starts out as a free-spirited innocent who’s trapped in her family circumstances, unable to make her own choices, and ends up as a free woman, married to the man she’s chosen to love.
3) COUNT EDWARDO DE VALFIERNO:
ANTAGONIST
Beginning: He is the powerful, sociopathic, leader of a gang who is about to marry Italia, and thus legitimatize himself as an aristocrat.
Inciting Incident: Vincenzo lands on top of his car after escaping from Italia’s bedroom.
Turning Point: Realizing Vincenzo is the man with the Mona Lisa, De Valfierno decides to use Vincenzo to his advantage… and only then have him killed.
Midpoint: Something’s changed with Italia, she’s fallen in love with Vincenzo, so De Valfierno fast-tracks his wedding.
Dilemma: Does he simply kill Vincenzo, or keep using him, even though Vincenzo’s likely to mess everything up?
Turning Point 2: Deciding to do both, De Valfierno creates a situation to get the Turks’ money and kill Vincenzo, all in one fell swoop.
Major Conflict: Love is stronger than hate — Vincenzo survives and comes back to steal the Mona Lisa and thus reveals De Valfierno’s forgery plots against those he scammed!
Ending: De Valfierno aims his gun at Vincenzo to kill him… but just as he’s about to pull the trigger, he’s literally stabbed in the back and killed by the last person he’d ever expect, the woman he’s always ignored, Italia’s middle-aged chaperone, Miss Fortuna.
Arc: De Valfierno starts as the incredibly powerful gang leader but ultimately dies at the hands of Italia’s middle-aged female chaperone.
4) CASTIGIONE:
SUPPORTING CHARACTER TO THE ANTAGONIST
Beginning: A teenage street urchin, leader of his own gang, Castigione assaults Vincenzo, and steals Vincenzo’s wallet but gets cut in the face as Vincenzo gets away.
Inciting Incident: Castigione, older now, with that scar on his face, forces Vincenzo to commit the first forgery sale on the train to Florence, Italy. Castigione seems to be the one behind the threats to Vincenzo. Retribution after all these years.
Turning Point 1: Castigione is revealed to be De Valfierno’s henchman. He’s told to kill Vincenzo after two more forgery sales, unless Vincenzo sees Italia again, in which case he’s to kill Vincenzo right away.
Midpoint: Castigione bails out Vincenzo from jail. Tells Vincenzo not to pursue Italia or he’ll have to kill him, boss’s orders. And he’d rather Vincenzo gets to suffer in life.
Turning Point 2: Castigione very nearly catches Vincenzo with Italia, but Miss Fortuna makes him question himself.
Dilemma: Does he kill Vincenzo because he really wants to, or does he follow De Valfierno’s orders and wait?
Major Conflict: Having found the note from Vincenzo to Italia, asking her to run away with him on the train to Paris, Castigione and De Valfierno put a new fraud in motion to sell one more Mona Lisa for big money, this time to the Turks on the train back to Paris. Castigione will then be allowed to kill Vincenzo.
Ending: Pushed off the train by De Valfierno to chase and kill Vincenzo, Castigione hits a pole and is mortally wounded. Vincenzo tries to save him but can’t. Castigione tells Vincenzo to kill De Valfierno and get Italia back, De Valfierno will hate that. Vincenzo promises he will. Vincenzo goes through Castigione’s pockets to take his wallet, and finds inside a photo of Eve, Italia’s maid, the one who’s been having an affair with De Valfierno. There’s also a letter to her. Seems Castigione’s been in love with her for a long time. Just before dying, Castigione tells Vincenzo to throw the letter away.
Arc: Castigione starts as a street thug and ends up getting killed by his boss, De Valfierno, without ever realizing his dreams of being with Eve.
5) MISS FORTUNA:
CONNECTING CHARACTER BETWEEN THE PROTAGONIST AND THE ANTAGONIST
Beginning: An overbearing, frumpy chaperone, Miss Fortuna slaps Italia in a shoe shop when Italia refuses to do what she’s told.
Inciting Incident: Miss Fortuna catches Vincenzo in Italia’s bedroom and attacks him, but he gets away.
Turning Point 1: Miss Fortuna realizes just how despicable De Valfierno and Chaudron really are as they force Italia to be checked by a doctor to determine if she slept with Vincenzo or not.
Midpoint: Italia tells Miss Fortuna she hates her, and threatens to ruin Miss Fortuna if she ever lays a hand on her again. Oddly, this really gets under Miss Fortuna’s skin.
Turning Point 2: Miss Fortuna catches Vincenzo with Italia, and realizes, this time, that those two really do love each other. She covers for Vincenzo when Castigione shows up.
Dilemma: Does she do what she’s supposed to do and keep Italia and Vincenzo apart, as Chaudron, De Valfierno, and society demand, or does she allow Italia to be with the one person Italia truly loves?
Major Conflict: When Vincenzo returns to the Chaudron house to steal back the Mona Lisa, it’s Miss Fortuna who helps him escape.
Ending: As De Valfierno aims his gun at Vincenzo to kill him, Italia attacks. But she’s too weak and gets thrown viciously aside. Miss Fortuna grabs a sharp-ended paintbrush and stabs De Valfierno in the back, killing him and thus saving Italia from a horrible future. She’s devastated by what she’s done, but then Italia embraces her, and somehow it all makes sense, she really has done her job, saving her ward.
Arc: Miss Fortuna starts an unempathetic chaperone who follows societal rules to a tee, and ends up murdering Italia’s horrible husband so Italia can be happy with the one she truly loves.
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Jonathan Clark’s Character Profiles
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?”
Filling out the Character Profiles makes each character come alive. Examining these Profiles then leads to the necessary Character Arcs for each Character. Adding the resultant tapestry of necessary Character Arc scenes to the patchwork of necessary plot scenes will then really deepen and inform the overall plot/outline. Having the Characters more fully developed enhances the overall, of course, but seriously pumps up the subplots necessary to deepen the whole story (and thus the entertainment and saleability factors). It’s like adding pieces to the big puzzle, but now you can see what those puzzle pieces have to be in order to fit them all together. Holes in the external plot can now be filled in with confidence. This is like the mortar between the bricks of my Story. It’s awesome to now have a concrete process to do this for any and all stories.
Character Profile #1:
A. Name: Vincenzo Peruggia
B. Role in the Story: Vincenzo is the protagonist who steals the Mona Lisa, is forced to sell forgeries of the painting by a gang, and falls in love with the gang leader’s fiancee.
C. Core Traits: aimless, intense, impulsive, resourceful.
D. Motivation: Want = to get his family back (represented by the Mona Lisa). Need = to overcome his past and learn to value himself and life in general (represented by Italia).
E. Flaw/Wound: Flaw = Major lack of direction in life, aimless. Wound = His family’s death, causing him to lose his belief in love and the magic of life.
F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: Secret = he’s the one who stole the Mona Lisa from the Louvre and now he’s selling forgeries. Hidden Agenda = he has secretly fallen head over heels in love with the gang leader’s fiancee, Italia, and it’s giving him a whole new lease on life that’s in complete contrast to the crimes he’s being forced to commit.
G. Internal Dilemma: He wants to save the Mona Lisa, and yet that’s what’s keeping him under the gang’s thumb. Also, he’s in love with Italia, but pursuing her will likely lead to his and/or her death.
H. What makes this character perfect for their role in the story? His impulsivity can lead him anywhere. And besides, he actually was the person who stole the Mona Lisa.
I think I need to incorporate Vincenzo’s loss of Faith as part of his Character Arc, so that there’s a stronger emotional release when he gets his Faith back at the end.
Character Profile #2:
A. Name: Italia Chaudron
B. Role in the Story: Italia is Vincenzo’s love interest, who helps him find himself again, but she’s also the unwilling bride-to-be of Vincenzo’s nemesis, Count Edwardo De Valfierno, so he’ll have to fight for her and her for him.
C. Core Traits: Free spirited, passionate, rebellious, stuck.
D. Motivation: Want = to be free. Need = to get away from her controlling family and fiance.
E. Flaw/Wound: Flaw = Feels helpless/stuck. Wound = Her mother’s death, the only one who truly understood her.
F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: Secret = She’s sick, most likely TB like her mother. Hidden Agenda = She’s fallen in love with Vincenzo, wants to experience love to its fullest before she dies.
G. Internal Dilemma: She’s sick, and doesn’t really have the energy her rebellious nature needs her to have in order to break free, and also, she loves Vincenzo but doesn’t want him to be killed by her fiance.
H. What makes this character perfect for their role in this story? Like the Mona Lisa come to life, she really is the catalyst that gives Vincenzo his direction in life, representing love, family, beauty, and the magic that is life itself.
As with Vincenzo, I think I need to bring her Faith into focus more, to reveal that particular Arc. Perhaps she has her mother’s bible, and insists Vincenzo swear his love to her on that bible? (Thus forcing Vincenzo to confront his own Faith?) Something…
Character Profile #3:
A. Name: Count Edwardo De Valfierno
B. Role in the Story: As leader of the gang that has Vincenzo in its grip and as fiance to the woman Vincenzo loves, De Valfierno is our powerful antagonist.
C. Core Traits: grandiose, narcissistic, controlling, sociopathic.
D. Motivation: Want = to be an actual Count. Need = to marry Italia, an actual blue-blood, to legitimize himself and his offspring.
E. Flaw/Wound: Flaw = unable to feel love or understand true art. Wound = told by his mother that he’s the illegitimate son of an actual Count, but he was shunned, which is why he was raised with absolutely nothing.
F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: Secret = he’s not an actual Count, he’s just a sociopathic criminal. Hidden Agenda = He wants to legitimize himself and his offspring by marrying an actual blue-blood, and he’ll kill anyone who gets in his way.
G. Internal Dilemma: he tries to act like an aristocrat, but he’s just a street-smart, uneducated criminal, so he doesn’t really know how. And the truth is: he hates aristocrats.
H. What makes this character perfect for their role in this story? Not only is he the head of the gang that has Vincenzo in its grip, but he’s also the sociopathic fiance to Vincenzo’s true love, a double threat.
Character Profile #4:
A. Name: Yves Chaudron
B. Role in the Story: Chaudron is not just Italia’s father, he is the unreliable narrator, telling us the story of Vincenzo as he would like his interviewers (and us) to hear it.
C. Core Traits: art obsessed, failed family-man, gambler, aristocratic.
D. Motivation: Want = to return his family to its place of honor, by building up its collection of true artworks. Need = to get away with stealing the Mona Lisa.
E. Flaw/Wound: Flaw = his addiction to gambling. Wound = after his wife’s death, he lost all his family’s artworks and become beholden to De Valfierno due to his gambling addiction.
F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: Secret = pretty much everything he’s telling his interviewers is a lie, especially that he painted the forgeries. Truth is, he wasn’t good enough. It was Italia who painted them. Hidden Agenda = he’s trying to get away with stealing the real Mona Lisa.
G. Internal Dilemma: He needs to lie to get away with his theft, but tell enough of the truth to be believable, so it’s a real tightrope walk.
H. What makes this character perfect for their role in this story? Chaudron is the one actually telling the story, so without him there is no story. Also, he’s tied into all the characters in one way or another and so he can make up any story he wants to convince the interviewers there’s ‘no here, here’ so he can avoid prosecution and get away clean with the Mona Lisa.
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Jonathan Clark’s Genre Conventions
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?”
I learned that this story is actually more strongly aligned with the emotional intensities of the Drama Conventions than with those of the Thriller Conventions (who knew?). As such, even as the Thriller Conventions must be strongly represented in order to maintain the story’s forward momentum, I need to deepen the story’s Drama Conventions in order to elevate all the emotional punches I’m looking for. With this in mind, I have now changed my High Concept logline to reflect the change of focus, from full-out Thriller, to emotional Drama.
Title: Saving Mona
Concept: Inspired by actual events: After stealing the Mona Lisa in 1911 and being forced to sell forgeries of the painting by a powerful gang, an obscure Italian, Vincenzo Peruggia, must sacrifice himself, and the Mona Lisa, too, in order to save the love of his life.
Genre: Drama
CONVENTIONS OF DRAMA
PURPOSE: To explore stories with emotional and interpersonal high stakes for their characters.
CHARACTER-DRIVEN JOURNEY: We always need to care about the characters in a Drama, and their internal journey drives the film’s events and progression.
HIGH STAKES COME FROM WITHIN: Whether the story’s events are relatively mundane or intense, the struggles, obstacles, and stakes comes from within the characters more than from external pressures.
EMOTIONALLY RESONATES: Drama audiences want to feel and be moved by the characters’ emotions and how they experience the events.
CHALLENGING, EMOTIONALLY-CHARGED SITUATIONS: Characters get challenged to their core by the emotional situations and struggles that they run into.
REAL-LIFE SITUATIONS: Drama stories are grounded in reality.
Act 1:
Opening
Vincenzo Peruggia is an enigma, in court for stealing the Mona Lisa, and everyone wants to know ‘why he did it’. An old Frenchman, Yves Chaudron, tells the story, starting with Vincenzo’s childhood upheavals and the childhood of Chaudron’s own daughter, Italia Chaudron. By the end of Act 1, Vincenzo is an orphan living on the streets. He is physically ‘free’, but shut down emotionally because he’s lost the only thing he’s ever really loved: his family. Italia, however, is an absolute ‘free spirit’, but she’s trapped within an un-empathetic family and can’t move around freely.
Stuck in Debtors prison, Vincenzo’s mother makes him promise to never do anything that will land him in jail. He promises. But when Vincenzo’s thrown out of the prison after his mother dies, Vincenzo has a bad run-in with a street gang and nearly kills the gang’s leader, a young Castigione. So he runs away to Paris, promising himself he’ll never do anything illegal again.
Inciting Incident
10 year old Vincenzo’s father, a wood carver, is killed in a way that makes Vincenzo feel guilty. His mother, a wonderful painter, dies in debtors prison.
Italia’s mother dies of TB, devastating Italia. Her father, Chaudron, retreats into himself and his gambling, trapping Italia in her room with nothing but her easel and paints.
Turning Point
Years later, depressed and alone, working at the Louvre, Vincenzo witnesses a swarm of radical Impressionists trying to destroy Classic Paintings with acid. The Mona Lisa reminds him of his mother. So, on impulse, he steals Mona to save her. (BTW, Picasso was actually arrested for the theft and then let go for lack of evidence). Soon after, the Mona Lisa simply vanishes from Vincenzo’s home. Vincenzo becomes paranoid, sure he’s being watched. After a year, the Mona Lisa strangely reappears, propped up on his table at home. There’s a note with her, telling Vincenzo to quit his job and bring Mona back to Italy. Or else.
Act 2:
New plan
On the train to Florence, Italy, Vincenzo is forced to sell a fake Mona to a wealthy American. He realizes a gang member he once slashed, Castigione, is the person behind the fraud. Arriving in Florence in wild circumstances that involve an Art Dealer, Arthur Gelli, and in the middle of a Nationalist Parade (historically, this is just after the Italian-Turkish War), Vincenzo literally slams into Italia, Yves Chaudron’s daughter. After breaking into her room to talk to her, Vincenzo is nearly killed by house Servants. Unknown to everyone, Italia is sick, coughing blood into her pillow.
Plan in action
Caught by the very powerful Count Edwardo De Valfierno, Italia’s fiance and Castigione’s boss, Vincenzo is given new instructions for another fraud. De Valfierno tells Castigione to kill Vincenzo once Vincenzo’s usefulness has expired… after two more frauds. Vincenzo realizes his wooden case, with the Mona Lisa in it, has vanished. After tracking down his badly battered case, and having a fight in the middle of a Nationalist parade, he breaks into the Uffizi Museum to fix his case, and the damaged Mona, but gets locked in.
Midpoint Turning Point
Thrown in jail, Vincenzo can’t handle it, and nearly melts down. Castigione bails him out. Tells him Italia has run off. Vincenzo better not be the reason.
Act 3:
Rethink everything
Based on their prior conversation, Vincenzo figures out where Italia’s gone. He and Italia spend the day together in the countryside, swimming, but when things turn sexual, Vincenzo refuses Italia’s advances because they aren’t married. Italia tries to marry him before God with a blade of grass as a ring. Returning to his apartment, Vincenzo is questioned by Detectives about the Mona theft, all while Mona is right there under the tablecloth.
New plan
Vincenzo can’t take it anymore, and tries to destroy Mona by dropping her in the Arno River, but just can’t do it. He slinks back to De Valfierno and the next big fraud. Soon after, Vincenzo can’t help himself and breaks into Italia’s house. Sees dozens of fake Mona Lisas. Finds Italia in her room and realizes how sick she actually is. Caught by Miss Fortuna, Italia’s overbearing chaperone, Vincenzo leaves peacefully after professing his love for Italia and saying she needs ‘something to live for’. With money in his pocket from the fraud, though, the next day he buys himself a new suit and goes to Chaudron’s house to ask for Italia’s hand in marriage. He just knows they’re Fated to be together.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift
But it’s too late. Italia’s getting married that day to De Valfierno. Vincenzo races to the ceremony at the Duomo, but the deed is done. He sees the Man With The Gaudy Rings On His Fingers and runs off. Vincenzo buys a trumpet, one Italia’s wanted, as a wedding present. Vincenzo leaves her the trumpet… and the case with the Mona Lisa. Leaves a note for her to meet him at the train station so they can run away together if she so desires. At the station, however, a Servant brings a note from Italia telling Vincenzo to go back to Paris, he’s not wanted. The servant also returns the trumpet. Completely dejected, Vincenzo boards the train. But just as the train leaves Florence, Vincenzo finds in the trumpet Italia’s pearl necklace, the one she got from her mother, and realizes Italia does love him. But Castigione and De Valfierno are on the train. It’s a setup. They want Vincenzo to sell another Mona Lisa to a contingent of Turks! It all goes wrong, and Vincenzo barely survives as he leaps from the train. Castigione is mortally injured when he’s thrown from the train by De Valfierno to kill Vincenzo. Vincenzo tries to save Castigione, but can’t. Just before dying, Castigione tells Vincenzo to kill De Valfierno for him, and steal back Italia, as it’s obvious they love each other. Vincenzo promises he will.
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict
With his last bit of cash, Vincenzo manages to get a very fast drive all the way back to Italia’s house. He breaks in, gets to Italia. She’s not doing well. All she’s been able to do is constantly throw her wedding ring away before it’s put back on her finger. De Valfierno arrives and hunts down Vincenzo, shooting Vincenzo through the hand. Vincenzo barely escapes with the Mona Lisa, thanks to a Servant. Vincenzo then brings Mona to the nearby Art Dealer, Arthur Gelli, who immediately creates a stir, yelling out on the street for Carabinieri (Italian Police) to arrest Vincenzo. Vincenzo arrives back in front of Italia’s house, taunting De Valfierno, telling him all the powerful people he defrauded will now have De Valfierno killed. Seething, De Valfierno pushes Italia back, and points his gun at Vincenzo from Italia’s window as Carabinieri swarm toward Vincenzo. But before De Valfierno can kill Vincenzo, De Valfierno himself is killed with a sharp-ended homemade paintbrush in the hands of Italia’s overbearing chaperone, Miss Fortuna. Vincenzo is dragged away by Carabinieri as Italia screams for him.
Resolution
Back in the courtroom from the Opening Scene, the Lead Judge bangs his gavel, yelling at Vincenzo to explain ‘why he did it’. And as the crowd, many of whom we now recognize from all the Pro-Italy Nationalist Parades that Vincenzo encountered all through his stay in Florence, finally hush, Vincenzo raises his eyes, looks at everyone, and says: ‘I did it for Italia.’ It takes a moment, but the fervor of the Nationalist crowd is suddenly and absolutely explosive. Old Chaudron, still being interviewed, explains that Vincenzo was basically set free as an Italian hero. And when Vincenzo’s released from jail, Italia, worse for wear, but alive, is waiting for him. She had something to live for. Without a word, Vincenzo kneels down, plucks up some tall grass, and wraps it around her finger like a wedding ring. With the interview now done, Old Chaudron leaves. The interrogators are all characters we’ve seen before: Giovanni Poggi, head of the Uffizi, Arthur Gelli the art dealer, the Detectives from Vincenzo’s room. They wonder if Chaudron actually told them the truth. Meanwhile, Old Chaudron heads home, where we see many of the characters from the story, including Italia, Vincenzo, and Miss Fortuna. Chaudron tells them all it went well. He then heads down to a small room off the wine cellar that we’ve seen before, locks the door behind him, and sits down with a glass of wine. He pops a hidden lever, and the wall springs open to reveal: the Real Mona Lisa, the one with those telltale marks on the edge where Vincenzo fixed it.
QUESTION: I feel like one of the Interviewers revealed at the end could have a certain importance throughout the story. I’m thinking of going one of three ways:
1) The reveal is a Man With Gaudy Rings On His Fingers that we’ve seen throughout the story a) as a creep that priests at the orphanage give children to, to mess with. B) At a De Valfierno dinner party c) he’s the one who buys the fake Mona from Vincenzo at the second Fraud. If I go in this direction, the choice will leave a certain creepiness at the end and explain why Chaudron says they’re all leaving for France, but it won’t resolve the end in a pat way. Will this guy try to chase them down or not? So, an open-ended ending in that sense. And kinda creepy. Will that overshadow the love story resolution? Or…
2) The reveal is an Old Lady we’ve also seen at a De Valfierno party. She’s the one who buys the fake Mona from Vincenzo at the second Fraud. The Old Lady is so excited she has a heart attack. Vincenzo risks his safety to save her. So at the end when she says the investigation is over, it will be as a thank you to Vincenzo, and thus make it a closed ending… but is that too contrite and pat an ending? Does it smack of coincidence? And does this version also weaken Vincenzo’s sacrifice and arc at the end? Or…
3) Maybe I‘m overthinking this and I shouldn’t have a reveal at all, and just leaving the question hanging in the air: ‘Did Chaudron tell them the truth’?
Does anyone have an idea which way I should jump?
Other suggestions entirely, maybe?
Please let me know!
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Jonathan Clark’s 4 Act Structure
What I learned doing this assignment is…
Focusing more on the conspiracy and thriller elements really gives this story direction and heft. Biggest difficulty now will be seamlessly cramming all the backstory into Act 1. Without it, in its original incarnation, the story just fell flat. I need the emotional payoffs to hit hard in later Acts. It’s the seemingly small details in this story that will pack the most punch.
Title: Saving Mona
Genre: Crime Thriller
Concept: Inspired by actual events, this is the story of Vincenzo Peruggia and the conspiracy that overwhelmed him when he stole the Mona Lisa back in 1911, and how, in the end, he actually got away with his crime.
Main Conflict: Forced to be a serious grifter, selling forgeries of the Mona Lisa, Vincenzo meets the love of his life, a woman who’s already become engaged, unwillingly, to the powerful and heartless Count Eduardo De Valfierno, head of the gang that’s got Vincenzo in its grip.
Act 1:
Opening
In order not to be prosecuted, an old Frenchman, Yves Chaudron, tells unseen interviewers the story of Vincenzo Peruggia. In V.O., he starts with Vincenzo already in jail in 1913. When the Mona Lisa is displayed in a crammed courtroom, the volatile crowd goes nuts, and the Lead Judge bangs his gavel, yelling at Vincenzo to explain why he did it. Arguing with his interrogators, Old Chaudron then reflects back on Vincenzo’s childhood, and the childhood of his own daughter, Italia Chaudron. It’s the only way the Interrogators will understand.
Inciting Incident
10 year old Vincenzo’s father is killed in a way that makes Vincenzo feel guilty, and Italia’s mother dies of TB.
This leads to: Vincenzo’s mother being thrown into debtor’s prison, where she dies of rat bites, and Vincenzo escaping a horrible, Church-run, claustrophobic orphanage. Vincenzo ends up living on the streets, where he gets on the wrong side of a powerful gang, which is why Vincenzo leaves Italy to settle in Paris.
Italia, meanwhile, is given her mother’s pearls so she can remember her always and know she is loved.
Turning Point
Years later, Vincenzo’s living a mundane, pointless life. Until, working at the Louvre, Vincenzo witnesses a swarm of radical Impressionists trying to destroy Classic Paintings with acid (this stuff actually happened). Vincenzo steals the Mona Lisa to save her. But then, soon after, the Mona Lisa simply vanishes from his home. Vincenzo becomes paranoid, sure he’s being watched. After a year, Mona strangely re-appears, propped up on his table at home. There’s a note with her, telling Vincenzo to quit his job and bring Mona back to Italy. Or else.
Act 2:
New plan
On the train to Florence, Italy, Vincenzo’s forced to sell a fake Mona to a wealthy American. He realizes a gang member he once cut, Castigione, is the person behind the fraud. Arriving in Florence in wild circumstances that involve an Art Dealer, Arthur Gelli, and in the middle of a Nationalist Parade (historically, this is just after the Italian-Turkish War), Vincenzo literally slams into Italia, Yves Chaudron’s daughter. After breaking into her room to talk to her, Vincenzo is nearly killed by house Servants. Unknown to everyone, Italia is sick, coughing blood into her pillow.
Plan in action
Caught by the very powerful Count Edwardo De Valfierno, Italia’s fiance and Castigione’s boss, Vincenzo is given new instructions for another fraud. De Valfierno tells Castigione to kill Vincenzo once Vincenzo’s usefulness has expired… after two more frauds. Vincenzo realizes his wooden case, with the Mona Lisa in it, has vanished. After tracking down his badly battered case, he breaks into the Uffizi Museum to fix his case, and the damaged Mona, but gets locked in.
Midpoint Turning Point
Thrown in jail, Vincenzo can’t handle it, nearly melts down. Castigione bails him out. Tells him Italia has run off. Vincenzo better not be the reason.
Act 3:
Rethink everything
Based on their prior conversation, Vincenzo figures out where Italia’s gone. He and Italia spend the day together in the countryside, swimming, but when things turn sexual, Vincenzo refuses Italia’s advances because they aren’t married. Italia tries to marry him before God with a blade of grass as a ring. Returning to his apartment, Vincenzo is questioned by Detectives about the Mona theft, all while Mona is right there under the tablecloth.
New plan
Vincenzo tries to destroy Mona by dropping her in the Arno River, but just can’t do it. He slinks back to De Valfierno and the next big fraud. Soon after, he can’t help himself and breaks into Italia’s house. Sees dozens of fake Mona Lisas. Finds Italia in her room and realizes how sick she actually is. Caught by Miss Fortuna, Italia’s overbearing chaperone, Vincenzo leaves peacefully after professing his love for Italia. With money in his pocket from the fraud, though, the next day he buys himself a new suit and goes to Chaudron’s house to ask for Italia’s hand in marriage. He just knows they’re Fated to be together.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift
But it’s too late. Italia’s getting married that day to De Valfierno. Vincenzo races to the ceremony at the Duomo, but the deed is done. Vincenzo buys a trumpet, one Italia’s wanted, as a wedding present. Vincenzo leaves her the trumpet… and the case with the Mona Lisa. Leaves a note for her to meet him at the train station so they can run away together if she so desires. At the station, however, a Servant brings a note from Italia telling Vincenzo to go back to Paris, he’s not wanted. The servant also returns the trumpet. Completely dejected, Vincenzo boards the train. But just as the train leaves Florence, Vincenzo finds in the trumpet Italia’s pearl necklace, the one she got from her mother, and realizes Italia does love him. But Castigione and De Valfierno are on the train. It’s a set up. They want Vincenzo to sell another Mona Lisa to a contingent of Turks! It all goes wrong, and Vincenzo barely survives as he leaps from the train. Castigione is mortally injured when he’s thrown from the train by De Valfierno to kill Vincenzo. Vincenzo tries to save Castigione, but can’t. Just before dying, Castigione tells Vincenzo to kill De Valfierno for him, and steal back Italia. Vincenzo promises he will.
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict
With his last bit of cash, Vincenzo manages to get a very fast drive all the way back to Italia’s house. He breaks in, gets to Italia. She’s not doing well. All she’s been able to do is constantly throw her wedding ring away before it’s put back on her finger. De Valfierno arrives and hunts down Vincenzo, shooting Vincenzo. Vincenzo barely escapes with the real Mona Lisa, thanks to a Servant. Vincenzo then brings Mona to the nearby Art Dealer, Arthur Gelli, who immediately creates a stir, yelling out on the street for Carabinieri (Italian Police) to arrest Vincenzo. Vincenzo arrives back in front of Italia’s house, taunting De Valfierno, telling him all the powerful people he defrauded will now have De Valfierno killed. Seething, De Valfierno pushes Italia back, points his gun at Vincenzo from Italia’s window as Carabinieri swarm toward Vincenzo. But before De Valfierno can kill Vincenzo, De Valfierno himself is killed with a sharp-ended homemade paintbrush in the hands of Italia’s overbearing chaperone, Miss Fortuna. Vincenzo is dragged away as Italia screams for him.
Resolution
Back in the courtroom from the Opening Scene, the Lead Judge bangs his gavel, yelling at Vincenzo to explain why he did it. And as the crowd, many of whom we now recognize from all the Pro-Italy Nationalist Parades that Vincenzo encountered all through his stay in Florence, finally hush, Vincenzo raises his eyes, looks at everyone, and says: ‘I did it for Italia.’ It takes a moment, but the fervor of the Nationalist crowd is suddenly and absolutely explosive. Old Chaudron, still being interviewed, explains that Vincenzo was basically set free as an Italian hero. And when Vincenzo’s released from jail, Italia, worse for wear, but alive, is waiting for him. She had something to live for. Without a word, Vincenzo kneels down, plucks up some tall grass, and wraps it around her finger like a wedding ring. With the interview now done, Old Chaudron leaves. The interrogators are all characters we’ve seen before: Giovanni Poggi, head of the Uffizi, Arthur Gelli the art dealer, the Detectives from Vincenzo’s room. They wonder if Chaudron actually told them the truth. Meanwhile, Old Chaudron heads home, where we now see many of the characters from the story, including Italia and Vincenzo. Chaudron tells them all it went well. He then heads down to a small room off the wine cellar that we’ve seen before, locks the door behind him, and sits down with a glass of wine. He pops a hidden lever, and the wall springs open to reveal: the Real Mona Lisa, the one with the telltale marks on the edge where Vincenzo fixed it.
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Jonathan Clark’s 4 Act Structure
What I learned doing this assignment is…
Focusing more on the conspiracy and thriller elements really gives my story direction and heft. Biggest difficulty now will be seamlessly cramming all the backstory into Act 1. Without it, in its original incarnation, the story just fell flat. I need the emotional payoffs to hit hard in later Acts. It’s the seemingly small details in this story that will pack the most punch.
Title: Saving Mona
Genre: Crime Thriller
Concept: Inspired by actual events, this is the story of Vincenzo Peruggia and the conspiracy that overwhelmed him when he stole the Mona Lisa back in 1911, and how, in the end, he actually got away with his crime.
Main Conflict: Forced to be a serious grifter, selling forgeries of the Mona Lisa, Vincenzo meets the love of his life, a woman who’s already, and unwillingly, become engaged to the powerful and heartless Count Eduardo De Valfierno, head of the gang that’s got Vincenzo in its grip.
Act 1:
Opening
In order not to be prosecuted, an old Frenchman, Yves Chaudron, tells unseen interviewers the story of Vincenzo Peruggia. In V.O., he starts with Vincenzo already in jail in 1913. When the Mona Lisa is displayed in a crammed courtroom, the volatile crowd goes nuts, and the Lead Judge bangs his gavel, yelling at Vincenzo to explain why he did it. Arguing with his interrogators, Old Chaudron then reflects back on Vincenzo’s childhood, and the childhood of his own daughter, Italia Chaudron. It’s the only way the Interrogators will understand.
Inciting Incident
10 year old Vincenzo’s father is killed in a way that makes Vincenzo feel guilty, and Italia’s mother dies of TB.
This leads to: Vincenzo’s mother being thrown into debtor’s prison, where she dies of rat bites, and Vincenzo escaping a horrible, Church-run, claustrophobic orphanage. Vincenzo ends up living on the streets, where he gets on the wrong side of a powerful gang, which is why Vincenzo leaves Italy to settle in Paris.
Italia, meanwhile, is given her mother’s pearls so she can remember her always and know she is loved.
Turning Point
Years later, Vincenzo’s living a mundane, pointless life. Until, working at the Louvre, Vincenzo witnesses a swarm of radical Impressionists trying to destroy Classic Paintings with acid (this stuff actually happened). Vincenzo steals the Mona Lisa to save her. But then, soon after, the Mona Lisa simply vanishes from his home. Vincenzo becomes paranoid, sure he’s being watched. After a year, Mona strangely re-appears, propped up on his table at home. There’s a note with her, telling Vincenzo to quit his job and bring Mona back to Italy. Or else.
Act 2:
New plan
On the train to Florence, Italy, Vincenzo’s forced to sell a fake Mona to a wealthy American. He realizes a gang member he once cut, Castigione, is the person behind the fraud. Arriving in Florence in wild circumstances that involve an Art Dealer, Arthur Gelli, and in the middle of a Nationalist Parade (historically, this is just after the Italian-Turkish War), Vincenzo literally slams into Italia, Yves Chaudron’s daughter. After breaking into her room to talk to her, Vincenzo is nearly killed by house Servants. Unknown to everyone, Italia is sick, coughing blood into her pillow.
Plan in action
Caught by the very powerful Count Edwardo De Valfierno, Italia’s fiance and Castigione’s boss, Vincenzo is given new instructions for another fraud. De Valfierno tells Castigione to kill Vincenzo once Vincenzo’s usefulness has expired… after two more frauds. Vincenzo realizes his wooden case, with the Mona Lisa in it, has vanished. After tracking down his badly battered case, he breaks into the Uffizi Museum to fix his case, and the damaged Mona, but gets locked in.
Midpoint Turning Point
Thrown in jail, Vincenzo can’t handle it, nearly melts down. Castigione bails him out. Tells him Italia has run off. Vincenzo better not be the reason.
Act 3:
Rethink everything
Based on their prior conversation, Vincenzo figures out where Italia’s gone. He and Italia spend the day together in the countryside, swimming, but when things turn sexual, Vincenzo refuses Italia’s advances because they aren’t married. Italia tries to marry him before God with a blade of grass as a ring. Returning to his apartment, Vincenzo is questioned by Detectives about the Mona theft, all while Mona is right there under the tablecloth.
New plan
Vincenzo tries to destroy Mona by dropping her in the Arno River, but just can’t do it. He slinks back to De Valfierno and the next big fraud. Soon after, he can’t help himself and breaks into Italia’s house. Sees dozens of fake Mona Lisas. Finds Italia in her room and realizes how sick she actually is. Caught by Miss Fortuna, Italia’s overbearing chaperone, Vincenzo leaves peacefully after professing his love for Italia. With money in his pocket from the fraud, though, the next day he buys himself a new suit and goes to Chaudron’s house to ask for Italia’s hand in marriage. He just knows they’re Fated to be together.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift
But it’s too late. Italia’s getting married that day to De Valfierno. Vincenzo races to the ceremony at the Duomo, but the deed is done. Vincenzo buys a trumpet, one Italia’s wanted, as a wedding present. Vincenzo leaves her the trumpet… and the case with the Mona Lisa. Leaves a note for her to meet him at the train station so they can run away together if she so desires. At the station, however, a Servant brings a note from Italia telling Vincenzo to go back to Paris, he’s not wanted. The servant also returns the trumpet. Completely dejected, Vincenzo boards the train. But just as the train leaves Florence, Vincenzo finds in the trumpet Italia’s pearl necklace, the one she got from her mother, and realizes Italia does love him. But Castigione and De Valfierno are on the train. It’s a set up. They want Vincenzo to sell another Mona Lisa to a contingent of Turks! It all goes wrong, and Vincenzo barely survives as he leaps from the train. Castigione is mortally injured when he’s thrown from the train by De Valfierno to kill Vincenzo. Vincenzo tries to save Castigione, but can’t. Just before dying, Castigione tells Vincenzo to kill De Valfierno for him, and steal back Italia. Vincenzo promises he will.
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict
With his last bit of cash, Vincenzo manages to get a very fast drive all the way back to Italia’s house. He breaks in, gets to Italia. She’s not doing well. All she’s been able to do is constantly throw her wedding ring away before it’s put back on her finger. De Valfierno arrives and hunts down Vincenzo, shooting Vincenzo. Vincenzo barely escapes with the real Mona Lisa, thanks to a Servant. Vincenzo then brings Mona to the nearby Art Dealer, Arthur Gelli, who immediately creates a stir, yelling out on the street for Carabinieri (Italian Police) to arrest Vincenzo. Vincenzo arrives back in front of Italia’s house, taunting De Valfierno, telling him all the powerful people he defrauded will now have De Valfierno killed. Seething, De Valfierno pushes Italia back, points his gun at Vincenzo from Italia’s window as Carabinieri swarm toward Vincenzo. But before De Valfierno can kill Vincenzo, De Valfierno himself is killed with a sharp-ended homemade paintbrush in the hands of Italia’s overbearing chaperone, Miss Fortuna. Vincenzo is dragged away as Italia screams for him.
Resolution
Back in the courtroom from the Opening Scene, the Lead Judge bangs his gavel, yelling at Vincenzo to explain why he did it. And as the crowd, many of whom we now recognize from all the Pro-Italy Nationalist Parades that Vincenzo encountered all through his stay in Florence, finally hush, Vincenzo raises his eyes, looks at everyone, and says: ‘I did it for Italia.’ It takes a moment, but the fervor of the Nationalist crowd is suddenly and absolutely explosive. Old Chaudron, still being interviewed, explains that Vincenzo was basically set free as an Italian hero. And when Vincenzo’s released from jail, Italia, worse for wear, but alive, is waiting for him. She had something to live for. Without a word, Vincenzo kneels down, plucks up some tall grass, and wraps it around her finger like a wedding ring. With the interview now done, Old Chaudron leaves. The interrogators are all characters we’ve seen before: Giovanni Poggi, head of the Uffizi, Arthur Gelli the art dealer, the Detectives from Vincenzo’s room. They wonder if Chaudron actually told them the truth. Meanwhile, Old Chaudron heads home, where we now see many of the characters from the story, including Italia and Vincenzo. Chaudron tells them all it went well. He then heads down to a small room off the wine cellar that we’ve seen before, locks the door behind him, and sits down with a glass of wine. He pops a hidden lever, and the wall springs open to reveal: the Real Mona Lisa, the one with the telltale marks on the edge where Vincenzo fixed it.
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Jonathan Clark’s Pitch:
I learned that I need to lean more on the Thriller side of this story and let the love story grow naturally throughout… until it leads to the surprising ending.
A. Genre: Crime Thriller
B. Title: Saving Mona
C. High Concept: This is the conspiracy theory about what happened when Vincenzo Peruggia stole the Mona Lisa back in 1911, and how, in the end, he actually got away with it.
D. Main Conflict: Forced to become a serious grifter, selling forgeries of the Mona Lisa, Vincenzo meets the love of his life, a woman already engaged to Count Eduardo De Valfierno, the self-obsessed head of the gang that’s got Vincenzo in its grip.
E. Transformational Journey: Orphaned early on, Vincenzo lives free on the streets and becomes a grifter, eventually stealing the Mona Lisa to save it. However, pulled into a dangerous fraud with a powerful gang, he begins to second guess his actions. And when he meets the love of his life, he realizes he must fight back against the gang to save her, even if that means sacrificing his own freedom, and maybe even his life.
F. Opposition: A self-appointed Argentinian Count, Eduardo De Valfierno, 40, is far more comfortable with a rusty bloody knife in his hand than a gentleman’s dusty bottle of Port. But he’s obsessed now with more than just money and power. He wants to legitimize his offspring by marrying an actual blue-blood. And he’ll kill anyone who gets in his way.
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Jonathan Clark
I agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
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2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
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This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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Hi All!
Sorry I’m so late joining up, couldn’t be helped.
My name is Jonathan Clark
I’ve written a bunch of scripts, mostly thrillers, a few shorts, three pilots (one of which got made) and just recently, on contract, my first book. Been optioned a number of times, Semi-finalist at the Nicholl six times, won best script all genres at the Fade In Awards. Still slugging it out.
I have a script that’s been languishing in a drawer for a long time. I thought it was primarily a love story, and wrote it as such, but now realize it’s actually a thriller (of course, duh) with a love story as a serious component. In this class, I want to crack that script and make it fly.
I’m a New Yorker who lived for a long time in Toronto (which is why I’m a huge Maple Leafs fan) and now I live in Dublin, Ireland. Made my living as a Musician for a lotta years… till a badly-displayed door in Home Depot fell on my fingers, ended my career. That’s what got me to switch to writing scripts. Studied screenwriting at Gotham in NYC, and UCLA.
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Hi Lora, yes, been scratching around in my head for a while. The original script came in at 120 pages, so a bit on the long side. A lot of that has been thrown out. Now it’s about pushing through with a new version at an accelerated pace. You’re right, keeping the script within a reasonable page count is going to be a real challenge, especially in Act 1. I’ll have to commit to it being under 120 total!! You’re absolutely right to point that out! Thank you, Lora!
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Thank you for your insight, Lora! And I think you’re right, the first version would be too much of a downer. I think I’ll have to write it both the second and third ways and see what works best. Again, thank you, Lora, you’re awesome!
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Thank you, Lora!