Colleen Patrick
Forum Replies Created
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Found it ..
Bridesmaids:
1. A fountain of subtext overflows in every action and word, making this scene (well, these scenes, actually) great. Annie’s feeling hurt, jealous, betrayed, imagined exclusion, insult, loss and grief take precedence – but right behind it are gleeful one upswomanship with over the top “gifts” from Helen – who got all her ideas from Annie – for the bride, Lillian, previously considered Annie her bestie, who just wants to enjoy her shower, not understanding what Helen has done.
2. Three turning points: 1) Helen’s gift of a Paris trip to have Lillian’s dress designed, measured and made there; 2) Annie’s overwhelming response to this betrayal and extravagant gift. All the ideas Helen got for Lillian’s shower were given to her by Annie. 3) When Annie leaves. Lillian is now torn even though her (ex?)bestie furiously dashed off, declaring she would not be part of the wedding.
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I’m having trouble following this format – what Three Turning Points? Where are the scenes? And I have not been able to find “subscribe”
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Basic scene components:
Scene arc: starting at a consensus of guilty by 11 of the 12, the entitled feeling of “done deal,” by the 11 white men. Which moves to anger when they are checked by one member who questions their decision. It’s clear the attitude of that majority is colored by what we now call racism, and it’s brought to their attention – but dismissed by jurors who consider “them” (Hispanics) essentially born liars and criminals. The majority seems to be angry – the holdout doesn’t, he just wants more information, especially since the stakes are so high – the teenager’s life. The arc continues to move as more jurors believe that at least talking about the evidence wouldn’t hurt and don’t expect to change their vote. But the needle has moved to at least some opening minds – though slightly. The degree of importance for the jurors is shown by talking about the ball game, a meaningless drawing, side discussions and general indifference. But this group is still reluctantly (for the most part) moving toward doing the work they need to as American citizens serving on a jury.
Situation: mired in ignorance, personal opinions, quick decisions based on bias (racism), 12 white men are expected to conclude a fair verdict for an individual charged with a crime.
Conflict: someone wants to get to a ball (assumed baseball) game that starts in an hour, bigoted opinions, someone wants to discuss the evidence to see if the defendant is actually factually guilty rather than just vote based on assumptions and personal opinion. Can 12 angry white men come to a fair and just conclusion?
Moving the story forward: thanks to the men not wanting to be considered unfair or biased without even reviewing the evidence, they want to do the job they were sworn to do – albeit reluctantly for several. In other words, these men want to be trusted to make the right decision, even if it means challenging their biases.
Entertainment value: Henry Fonda bickering with several very well-known actors in an engaging, confined setting, discussing truly important matters involving personal and “American” values is appealing to most audiences – or was at that time.
Set-ups/payoffs: The Rational (Every)Man pitches challenges to men who can’t help but try to hit the ball where they want it to go, not always successfully. They don’t seem to settle for observing, they believe they are entitled to have their opinion be heard and honored, each for his own reason.
Invitation for the journey: we want them to solve the mystery, we want to know if he’s really guilty. Or innocent. And whether these guys are capable of arriving at the truth.
Second viewing:
Challenging situation: It’s legal, it’s personal, it’s political, it’s emotional, the stakes are high (a man’s life is in their hands) – can they make a fair decision?
Interesting action: Lots of emoting for the actors, each of whom comes with a strong point of view; all of whom have diverse backgrounds; upper body movement as they sit at the desk, papers and writing implements for business. All to draw us into the scene not to push anything in our face.
Intriguing dialogue: Intelligent and ignorant points of view are offered, engaging thoughts and debate. We agree with several, pro and con, so we’re actually the 13<sup>th</sup> juror, deliberating along with those 12 men.
Something inside this character needs to go on the journey: Looking inside our own lives and decisions, who are we? Are we the fair, reasonable, informed, smart, responsible person who can make a wise decision when it comes to giving a fair verdict? Especially if a person’s life is involved? If we come up short, who do we want to be? I think our (Every)man wants to be all those things, but especially *right.* Too many consider their opinion to be “right,” when it is based on faulty information, few facts and biases. In the end, do they also want to be right, when it comes to saving a man’s life or condemning him to death?
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Scenes rewritten (not sure how to make Movie Magic work here):
INT. BANK LOBBY – MORNING
The BARREL of a 10 gauge shotgun shines as it is flashed by
the BANK MANAGER, laughing.
BANK MANAGER
Fucking Joker thinks he’s going to
hit my bank? Security plus. We’re
ready. Ready to bury you.. asshole
clown.
EXT. BUILDING ROOF – MORNING
HUMPTY CLOWN and DUMPTY CLOWN, wearing Joker masks and large
back packs, zip line from a 20th floor window down across a
street, landing on the 13th floor roof, giddy from the
adrenaline infused trip. They run toward a door.
HUMPTY CLOWN
Fun. Next stop, bank vault!
DUMPTY CLOWN
Twelve million dollars.
HUMPTY CLOWN
Split six ways – two million each.
Yee-ha!
DUMPTY CLOWN
Two point four mill each.
HUMPTY CLOWN
Huh?
DUMPTY CLOWN
Just five of us.
Dumpty shoots a shocked Humpty. Dumpty rips Humpty’s mask
off, revealing a dead naked face.
Dumpty grabs Humpty’s back pack and rushes through the door.
INT. BANK LOBBY – MORNING
AMONG THE CUSTOMERS, TWO MEN SLAP ON JOKER MASKS. DOPEY AND
GRUMPY CLOWN, brandish guns as they throw large empty plastic
bags to customers.
DOPEY CLOWN
GET DOWN OR GET DEAD!
Dopey fires his gun in the air, accidentally striking a
MAGNIFICENT CHANDELIER that crashes to the floor, scaring
everyone, striking several people, including Dopey and Grumpy,
who strongly react.
2.
GRUMPY CLOWN
(recovering)
PHONES, WATCHES, WALLETS, PURSES IN
THE BAGS!
Customers rush to obey.
TWO MORE JOKER MASKED MEN dash through the front door,
unarmed, swiftly collecting the filled green bags.
The Bank Manager pulls out his 10-gauge, firing at Dopey,
killing him. Grumpy dives for cover, then rises to shoot
the Manager – the Manager is faster. Bang. Grumpy’s gone.
The BAGMEN race to pull the GREEN BAGS toward the door, when
a SCHOOL BUS BACKS INTO THE LOBBY. The capped, MASKED DRIVER
opens the back gate.
The Manager shoots BAGMAN #1, who slumps over a full bag.
Behind the Manager:
DUMPTY CLOWN (V.O.)
You missed someone.
As the Manager turns toward the voice behind him-
DUMPTY CLOWN
10-gaugers are illegal. Big bang,
not effective. Like my little twenty
two.
Dumpty shoots the Manager in the forehead with his small
gun. As the Manager falls, his 10-gauge fires, accidentally
killing BAGMAN #2.
Dumpty pulls FULL GREEN BAGS with one hand toward the open
doors at the back of the school bus and throws them in as
the Driver pulls them in.
Inside the bus, ready to close the gate, Dumpty removes his
mask. He’s The Joker, the real thing.
JOKER
(laughing)
You tell Batman to have a nicer day.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by Colleen Patrick.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by
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Observations:
Who’s bad?
Who’s badder?
Sure, The Joker is bad. But is the capitalist Bank Manager badder?
Thoughtless, putting his customers in jeopardy from flashing his illegal weapon of mass destruction to protect his money; accidentally blowing human lives away without protecting his customers.
Meanwhile – E Pluribus Unum – out of many, one. As a fleet of lookalikes perform necessary tasks to set up a massive bank robbery, each masked robber/pawn is eliminated until there is only one survivor – The Joker.
While each greedy pawn who does the dirty work believes he is masked to conceal his identity, The Joker uses them to confuse witnesses during the robbery, since he rips off his mask at the end, letting everyone know he doesn’t hide his identity, he is proud of his achievement, he multiplies his win with every dead body left in his wake .. including the Bank Manager, who believed he could challenge the robbers with his huge 10-gauge sawed off shotgun, actually Illegal in the US.
The Joker believes himself to be untouchable, uncatchable, and even more filthy rich.
Symbols like the school bus shows he’s teaching the bank, law enforcement et al how to succeed. And that he’s taking his booty for a ride. Literally, he’s in the driver’s seat.
The impacting visuals prevent viewers from analyzing anything, just being thumped with visuals, impact after impact, which push the audience to go along for the ride; to be thrilled by what they’ve seen and experienced.
Where the viewer might dislike The Joker robber, this one has earned our respect – even admiration in some horrible, really disdainful way.
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1. Colleen Patrick
2. How many scripts you’ve written? At least 30 – features, shorts, commercial, infotainment
3. What you hope to get out of the class? I always learn something from Hal’s presentations. I’m eager to find more ways to perfect my approach and learn minute technical details of writing better scenes; self discovery; to be around other writers; to be inspired; to have fun, to create.
<div>4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? US Air Force veteran; work with rescued horses (volunteer); have worked as a journalist, columnist, commentator, editor, news director in electronic and print media; I’ve been a volunteer firefighter, have two published books (one self); non-fiction book narrator, camera acting coach, have directed several shorts and infotainment films and one feature; breast cancer survivor; I swim an hour a day 4x a week.
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1. Colleen Patrick
2. “I agree to the terms of this release form.”
3. The entire text below has been left as it was sent to confirm what I agree to.