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Connie Barr

Member
August 29, 2024 at 10:28 pm in reply to: Lesson 4

Lesson #4 The 7 Stages of LOVE
What I learned from doing this assignment is…that these are the key stages of the romantic journey which I have seen played out creatively in countless Rom-Coms.
My First Date in 47 Years
Karen
1. Meet-Cute: Karen and Jim first meet at a spousal loss support group led by Karen’s BFF, therapist, Bev.
2. Attraction/Flirting: There is an electric connection for them both. They finish each other’s sentences and agree on many thoughts, attitudes, etc.
3. Denial: Karen tries really hard to ignore the connection and feels guilty for even liking Jim at all so soon after Craig’s passing.
4. Separation/Forced Together: Karen considers leaving the support group and finding solace elsewhere, but Bev persuades her to stick it out. She even points out how nice it is to have a new friend who understands what she’s going through.
5. Working through Issues/Differences: Karen’s big issue is guilt. She feels like she is being disloyal to Craig by being friends with Jim and having blossoming feelings for him.
6. Hate/Betrayal/All Hope is Lost: After a lovely dinner together which both Karen and Jim enjoy far too much, he kisses her goodnight which freaks her out. She tells him she can not see him anymore and drops out of their support group.
7. Love Happens: Bev convinces Karen that Craig would want her to be happy and find love again after Jim confesses falling for her big time.

Jim
1. Meet-Cute: Karen and Jim first meet at a spousal loss support group led by Karen’s BFF, therapist, Bev. There is an electric connection for them both
2. Attraction/Flirting: Jim feels drawn to Karen. Her quirky sense of humor makes him laugh which feels so good after his wife’s illness and passing.
3. Denial: Jim also feels some guilt about being drawn to Karen. He feels that his kids will think badly of him too.
4. Separation/Forced Together: His grown children convinced him to join the support group to heal his grief and urge him to continue. They are unaware of his feelings for Karen.
5. Working through Issues/Differences: His guilt escalates and he tries to confess to his kids about his feelings for someone other than their mom but chickens out.
6. Hate/Betrayal/All Hope is Lost: He really screwed up by kissing Karen after their fun dinner out. She won’t respond to his texts and calls in which he tries to apologize. He feels responsible when Karen quits the support group.
7. Love Happens: After giving Karen some space and time, he confesses his strong feelings for her. They agree that their deceased mates would want them to be happy together!
Connie Barr

Member
July 31, 2024 at 11:53 pm in reply to: Lesson 3

Connie’s bigger picture
What I learned doing this assignment is that brainstorming the bigger picture ideas enriches the story.
Rom-Com SU class Lesson 3 The Bigger Story
• A. What interesting world could this movie/show be set in?
1. Karen & Jim are transported into an AI world with their fake partners
2. They find each other in a totally different culture when traveling separately to Mexico/Tuscany/Greece or?
3. They give up on the standard dating sites & go on RetroRomance.com where every interaction is from the 1960’s (ie; no texting, snail mail and personal notes only.
4. They meet in a widow/widower’s support group & are both haunted by their deceased spouses
5. They meet in a dog park where their pups go to war with each other
6. They meet at a highly competitive senior aqua aerobics class where the instructor pushes them to the limit
7. They meet at a meditation retreat/psychic faire where a medium matches them up but they do not share her belief that they belong together
8. They meet at a training session for Meals on Wheels volunteers where Karen and Bev are bossy instructors
9. A Mystery Matchmaker event finds Karen and Jim provided with clues about their potential matches
10. A series of gourmet cooking classes show that both Karen and Jim are the worst cooks possible
• B. What major conflict could be happening?
1. Jim may think the AI world is cool but Karen is disturbed and fearful about it, worried about what tricks could be played on them
2. In a different culture their hosts push them together assertively which makes them both uncomfortable
3. Initially they are amused by the memories of life in the 60’s but it gets old fast and them long for the conveniences of the modern age or one of them wants to continue with the throwback modes of communication while the other desperately wants their cell phone back.
4. One of the deceased spouses wants the new relationship and the other adds to the guilt their living spouse already struggles with
5. They love their pets so much that they can’t bring themselves to foster a love relationship which excludes their dogs
6. They try to outdo each other before, during and after class
7. They consult two different psychic and get more conflicting predictions about their connection and potential life together
8. Jim is turned off by Karen’s extreme rule follower nature as she trains him in the volunteer protocols
9. They miss connecting with one another and both choose other partners
10. Maybe one is a blossoming chef and the other is hopeless in the kitchen
• C. What intriguing situation could these characters be engaged in?
1. They could have concerns about returning to their real world or getting stuck in the AI world
2. Their romance-obsessed hosts could be planning Karen and Jim’s wedding without even consulting them
3. They time travel back to their high school or college days in the 60’s and learn that they actually met back then
4. They both decide to have heart to heart talks with their ghost spouses
5. They hire a special dog trainer to bring the pups together so they can pursue their romance
6. They create a special senior water Olympics club to compete with other aerobics fans or they decide to train as aqua aerobics instructors especially for seniors
7. They decide to ignore both psychics and try living together to see what happens
8. Wisely both agree to support different volunteer venues
9. The mystery partners they select turn out to be disasters. When they share their experiences, they have a good laugh and decide to go out.
10. They agree to mostly dine out and when they do eat at home, one will cook and the other do the clean-up.
Act 1: (25-30 pages – set-up & see old ways)
• Opening: In their respective homes, Karen and Jim both gaze at photos of their dead spouses remembering happier times.
• Inciting Incident: They attend a support group for seniors who have lost their long-term spouse after which they both are visited by the ghosts of their deceased spouses
• Turning Point: They each declare their intention to enroll on a dating site to overcome the soul-crushing loneliness and quiet.
Act 2: (20-30 pages – challenge the old ways)
• New plan: Karen and Jim sign up on the same senior dating site and identify a few potential people to meet.
• Plan in action: Both go on several unsuccessful dates via the dating site
• Midpoint Turning Point: They both have experienced so many bad dates and dishonest people that they each contemplate the notion it might be better to remain alone.
Act 3: (20 to 30 pages — With Midpoint change, Profound moments that give us new ways
• Rethink everything: Independently they decide to change their tactics by being far more selective, pro-active and taking control of the situation.
• New plan: Both Karen and Jim, having read the same book about how to date effectively decide to create a comprehensive list of “must haves” in a new partner and vow to pre-qualify people via phone conversations before the actual dates
• Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: Each of them experiences the worst deception in the form of AI bots who appear to be the absolute perfect match for each of them and then are exposed.
Act 4:
• Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: They both cancel their dating site subscriptions and swear off dating entirely forever!
• Resolution: After support group. Karen and Jim share about their unbelievable AI bot disasters and console one another, lock eyes, hug and kiss. They realize the perfect mate has been right in front of them all along.
Connie Barr

Member
July 18, 2024 at 4:24 am in reply to: Lesson 2: Key Decisions for Characters

Connie’s Rom-Com Project Lesson #2 assignment
What I learned doing this exercise:
This was a valuable exercise to fill in some to the story gaps in my project. This lesson presented some key questions to pos for the main characters in the love journey.
• Who is She? Karen is a retired, lonely widow who tries to keep busy with her BFF and array of pals plus volunteer work but still longs for a partner to share life with.
In the opening scene, we see Karen remembering her husband’s sudden death and then her efforts to keep busy to avoid thinking about it and pushing away the sadness and aloneness.
One year later, we see Karen sharing with her daughters that she plans to start dating via a senior-oriented site which delights the younger one and totally freaks out the eldest.
• Who is He? Jim is a lonely widower who also stays busy with his golf buddies and band members but still aches to have a special lady in his life.
In his opening scene we see Jim playing golf with his buddies who complain about their wives’ foibles and reminds them how lucky they are to still have the ladies with them.
Not long after that, Jim encounters Karen in a super market produce area but ignore the funny attraction.
• What makes them lovable?
1. Karen is a funny and loves to laugh
2. She is loveable and attractive. She sings with the senior theatre group
3. A kind soul who delights in helping others, like delivering Meals on Wheels.
1. Jim also has a great sense of humor, doesn’t take himself too seriously.
2. He enjoys helping his sons and their families as well as friends and neighbors.
3. He loves to fix things.
• What attracts them to each other?

What causes Karen to be attracted to Jim?
1. Jim has a ready sense of humor & playful nature
2. His gentlemanly behavior. He is affectionate but appropriate
3. A shared love of music, films and travel
What causes Jim to be attracted to Karen?
1. In addition to being an attractive redhead, she is stylish.
2. She embraces new adventures.
3. Her beautiful singing voice and love of theatre.
• What needs does each fulfill for the other?
What need does Jim fulfill for Karen?
1. Someone who gets her & makes her laugh every day
2. An affectionate & fun partner to share her later years with
3. A person of character who supports her with love and kindness
What needs does Karen fulfill for Jim?
4. A loving partner to share his 3rd act of life with
5. A fun travel companion
6. Someone who shares his passion for music & movies
Connie Barr

Member
July 10, 2024 at 9:45 pm in reply to: Confidentiality Agreement

Constance Barr
I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
Connie Barr

Member
July 10, 2024 at 5:08 am in reply to: Introduce Yourself to the Group

Hello,
My name is Constance Barr (Connie).
I am working on my 13th script which is a Rom-Com. I am an incurable romantic who loves Rom-Coms. One of my scripts is optioned with a small producer in the UK. We recently completed a rewrite and he is preparing to seek financing and talent for the project.
After completing this class, I hope to have gained a stronger knowledge of creating wonderfully unique Rom-Coms.
Something unique about me is that I have been a practicing Buddhist for 50 years (the same one as Tina Turner).
Connie Barr

Member
August 14, 2023 at 5:19 am in reply to: Lesson 19

SU Pro Rewrite Class Lesson #19: Wordsmithing to Perfection! 8/11/23

Connie’s wordsmithing lesson #19

What I learned doing this new approach to Wordsmithing, especially the second run working from the final scene to the first scene is even if it feels like the 900th time I’ve been over this project, it can always benefit from yet another pass and from a new perspective making it more appealing and more marketable!

I used Final Draft’s read aloud tool on the first part of the assignment and lost track of how many description lines I ramped up and tightened. I did this while listening for repeated words, missing words. Incorrect punctuation, etc. I cut the total page count by one page. I also found a couple of misspelled words.

On the second part of the wordsmithing assignment where we did a pass from the final scene to the first, I found 20 errors which was surprising.
Connie Barr

Member
August 12, 2023 at 9:06 pm in reply to: Lesson 18

Connie’s Precise Descriptions

What I learned from doing this exercise is… the questions to ask of each line of description: Necessary? Clear? Need more meaning? Can it be reduced? are useful in creating a fast and easy-to-understand read for potential readers and producers.

With this pass, I was able to pair down descriptions in many scenes that speed up the read. I also deleted one of the montages from the script.
Connie Barr

Member
August 7, 2023 at 11:17 pm in reply to: Lesson 17

SU Pro Rewrite Class Lesson 17 Key Scene Improvement

Connie’s Key Scene Improvements

What I learned from doing this exercise is…even though some of these scenes have been reworked multiple times, I find I can always improve them even more.

Opening scene:

I cut down the description introducing the protagonist, Daisy Duncan, and added more action to her entrance. We instantly see how important dance is to her and get a peek at her desire to find love.

Inciting Incident:

In Scene #8 Daisy gets a call from her longtime dance partner that he’s been transferred to Minnesota. Totally out of character, she pitches a childish tantrum out of frustration. I added more action and a hard No from Ned when she suggests ways for him to continue as her dance partner.

Act 1 Turning Point:

In Scene #11, Buck agrees with Daisy’s interfering dad to secretly become her dance partner in exchange for Frank boosting Buck’s sales by financing penis pumps for all the guys in the senior community. We see later what polar opposites Buck and Daisy are but he slyly eliminates the other possible partners. The deal locks Daisy into the deal but she doesn’t know it yet. I added some dialog to clarify the deal and some action on Buck’s part.

Midpoint:

Scene #44 Frank is drunk and reveals his deal with Buck to Daisy’s ex-husband, Randall who has aggressively been trying to win her back but this new information incenses him. He demands to know the man’s name. He yells embarrassing everyone at the bachelor party for Daisy’s daughter, Izzy’s future wife at a drag club and he will double his efforts to win Daisy back in the upcoming scenes. I added Randall yelling his demands to Frank, standing and pounding the table.

Act 2 Turning Point:

In Scene #85 we see Daisy at her darkest, lowest point, beyond depressed. Both Randall and Luci show up to check on her as neither has ever seen her so low. And another expected guest arrives at Daisy’s! I did tighten up some of the dialog here.

Climax:

In Scene #87 Vicki, a quasi-daughter of Buck’s shows up to reveal what really happened to buck and why he did not show up at the big dance competition. Vicki shares more about Buck’s true character. I ramped up Daisy’s negative dialog and action showing she d/n want anything to do with Buck,

Resolution:

Scene #90 shows Daisy and Buck as a couple at the library’s annual Holiday party where they flirt, dance, kiss, laugh, and he proposes. They have both found their soulmates and all is right with the world.

Final Scene:

I do love a romantic happy ending. A wedding ceremony beneath the Eiffel Tower in Paris with her loved ones present couldn’t be any better for Daisy! Buck’s final line as they dance after the claret pronounces them husband and wife sum it up, “Let’s keep dancing together for the rest of our lives!” They both won the love lottery and found their unexpected lifetime dance partner.
Connie Barr

Member
August 3, 2023 at 12:29 am in reply to: Lesson 16

Connie’s Character Intros/Exits

What I learned from doing this exercise is how important the first and last scenes are in terms of attracting actors to play the key roles. I thought I had pretty interesting scenes in place already, especially for the lead character, Daisy. But it is always good to look at how can it be even better and more engaging, which it now is.

Daisy Duncan, Lead Protagonist, is introduced in scenes #1 & 2 Randall Duncan, Daisy’s ex-husband, the Antagonist appears in Scene #2

INT. DAISY’S LIVING ROOM – DAY

Dance trophies and photos adorn a sleek modern room.

Feisty, determined, voluptuous, control freak, DAISY DUNCAN, 50’s, dances with her Yorkie, TRUMAN. A dance contest shows on the big screen and TANGO MUSIC PLAYS. She GIGGLES as he licks her face.

DAISY

Dancing with you is delightful, darling Truman, if only you were a hunky, two-legged fellow. Mommy’s gonna win the Over 50 National Dance Contest. Just wait and see.

Suddenly startled by a Peeping Tom with his face pressed against her window, she SCREAMS and drops Truman!

EXT. DAISY’S BACK GARDEN – DAY

Daisy grabs a big umbrella, holds it like a sword and strides outside toward the man, sneaky, ex-husband, RANDALL DUNCAN, 60’s. He waters but halts as she approaches waving her weird weapon. He rips off his ugly wig, gives her a “parade” wave.

DAISY

Randall, good grief. You scared the crap out of me! What the hell are you doing here?

RANDALL

(Classy British accent)

Daisy, love. I want to make certain my special flower is safe, and has a lovely garden.

DAISY

Safe from what? My crazy stalker ex-husband disguised as a gardener?

RANDALL

You must admit, I look quite convincing, yes?

DAISY

Didn’t you have enough of disguises all those years in MI6? I swear, if you weren’t my daughter’s father, I’d have you arrested. GO AWAY, Randall! LEAVE ME ALONE!

She storms back into the house, clicks the door lock and draws her drapes closed.

DAISY

You don’t know a flippin’ lily from a dandelion. You could’ve done some yard work when we were together. At least get a decent wig.

This revised version does a better job of showing who Daisy is and what’s important to her.

Reworked opening scene introducing Daisy Duncan:

INT. DAISY’S LIVING ROOM – DAY

Stunning, determined, controlling, feisty yet insecure romantic, with a smile that lights up the room, DAISY DUNCAN (50’s) is deliriously happy as she gracefully dances into her sleek, tidy, modern home.

Her Yorkie, TRUMAN is crazy happy to see her. She snatches him into her arms and GIGGLES as he licks her face. She places a small trophy on the mantle.

DAISY

WE WON TRUMAN! Mommy won the Greater Portland Over 50 Dance Contest. Can you believe it?

Alexa play Tango music.

TANGO MUSIC fills the room. Daisy dances with her pup.

DAISY

Dancing with you is delightful, my little darling, too bad you’re not a hunky, two-legged fellow who can dance. We’re gonna win the state, then the region and THE NATIONAL Contests! Just wait and see.

Suddenly startled by a Peeping Tom with his face pressed against her window, she SCREAMS and drops Truman!

Reworked Scene #2 improving Randall’s intro:

EXT. DAISY’S BACK GARDEN – DAY

Daisy grabs a big umbrella, holds it like a sword, strides outside to confront the man: cunning Casanova, deceptive, former spy, and her ex, RANDALL DUNCAN (60’s).

He waters but halts as she approaches waving her would be weapon. He rips off his ugly wig, gives her a “parade” wave.

Randall’s exit showing that he has not hanged in the slightest-still a slippery womanizer and chameleon:

INT. LIBRARY LOBBY – CHRISTMAS TIME – NIGHT – RESOLUTION

Daisy and Buck, P.T. and Thomas, Izzy and Stef, even Homeless Harry, Randall, Nancy, and all the employees trim the enormous Christmas tree in the lobby as HOLIDAY TUNES PLAY.

RANDALL

So, Nancy, I hear you’ve joined the club of the divorced.

NANCY

Yep, should’ve done it years ago.

RANDALL

Would you fancy a date?

NANCY

With whom?

I am happy with Daisy’ and Buck’s Exit – the final scene, as it is romantic, fun and wraps up the story beautifully. Marrying her soul mate in Paris is Daisy’s dream come true and Buck is the ideal mate for her:

EXT. EIFFEL TOWER – PARIS – DAY

Beneath the iconic tower, Buck in hunky cowboy garb and Daisy in a gorgeous wedding gown and cowgirl boots stand before an officiate. Izzy, Steph, Luci, her husband, P.T., Ernie and his wife witness the marriage ceremony.

FEMALE CLARET

(French accent)

I now pronounce you husband and wife. Please do kiss the bride.

Buck dips Daisy, kisses her speaks softly just to her.

BUCK

Let’s keep dancing together for the rest of our lives!

DAISY

Sounds good to me.

Everyone CHEERS! Romantic western MUSIC PLAYS as Daisy and Buck dance the Texas two-step embracing in the dance of love and gleefully grinning.

Buck Wright, 2nd Protagonist, Daisy’s love interest. His intro is complicated because he appears in her world in scene #3 but we don’t actually know who he is until scene #7. I like the mystery around who Buck is and why the lady is so over the moon about him.

EXT. ELEGANT PRIVATE HOME ENTRANCE – DAY

Older woman at her door greets BUCKLEY WRIGHT (Buck) (50’s) gorgeous, silver-haired dude, young Sam Elliot type (guy from the cemetery). He carries a Specialty Medical Equipment bag.

The lady hugs him, kisses his cheek and showers him with accolades via praying hands gestures. Buck modestly lays his free hand on his heart and smiles. She welcomes him inside.
Connie Barr

Member
August 1, 2023 at 5:43 am in reply to: Lesson 15

Connie’s Unique Character Dialog

What I learned doing this exercise is that my antagonist needs more lines and a stronger presence. This is a great process to make certain the dialog is consistent and true to the character’s traits.

Randall Duncan, the Antagonist, Daisy’s ex-husband. I found openings to add dialog from him in reaction to other characters. His traits: Sneaky, Determined, Unfaithful, Chameleon.

Buck Wright (Daisy’s love interest and new dance partner) his main traits are Smartass, Funny, Kind, Haunted.

Scene #48 INT. DAISY’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

After their second big dance contest win and accelerating flirting and physical connection, they are about to have sex for the first time.

He gently lifts her hand to his lips, kissing the back of it gallantly.

BUCK

That’s how the Italians do it.

He kisses her sweetly on each cheek.

BUCK

That’s how the French do it.

Buck leans over, cups both sides of Daisy’s face, kissing her long and luxuriously.

BUCK

And, that, my dear, is how we do it in Eastern Oregon.

Daisy pulls away freeing herself from Buck’s embrace.

DAISY

Don’t you have the highest rate of teen pregnancy in the state there?

Daisy gathers up the wine glasses, wiping the bar down.

BUCK

Looks like my cue to hit the trail.

DAISY

It has been a big day.

Buck nuzzles her neck from behind, covering her arms with his, as he whispers each phrase with a small kiss.

BUCK

Great day. Don’t want it to end. Doesn’t have to. We don’t have to.

He turns her to face him and continues kissing her with increasing passion.

BUCK

Miss Daisy, can I drive you to a little dirty dancin’?

DAISY

You’re just caught up in the excitement of winning and you’re mixing up your movies.

BUCK

Ah huh.

DAISY

This is still a bad idea, right?

Buck dances Daisy toward the staircase.

BUCK

You go up and slip out of those pretty but unnecessary clothes. I need to grab something from my van.

Daisy allows herself to be nudged up the stairs, as Buck kisses her again and dashes down the steps and out the door.

Revised scene with stronger dialog for Buck:

Daisy tries to resist her attraction by tidying up.

BUCK

Is this my cue to hit the trail?

DAISY

It has been a big day.

Buck nuzzles her neck from behind, covering her arms with his, as he whispers each phrase with a small kiss.

BUCK

Yep, a great day. It doesn’t have to end. We don’t have to.

He turns her to face him and continues kissing her with increasing passion.

BUCK

Miss Daisy, can I drive you to a little dirty dancin’?

DAISY

You’re just caught up in the excitement of winning and by the way, you’re mixing up your movies.

BUCK

You’re right and I know you love being right! I was just trying to see if you were paying attention.

DAISY

This is still a bad idea, right?

Buck dances Daisy toward the staircase.

BUCK

Remember, sometimes it’s good to be bad. You go up and slip out of those pretty but unnecessary clothes. I need to grab something from my truck. I’ll be right back.

Daisy allows herself to be nudged up the stairs, as Buck kisses her again and dashes down the steps and out the door.

Daisy Duncan, the protagonist, a divorced librarian obsessed with dance and winning the over 50 national contest and a true love to share her life with. Her traits : Bossy, Controlling, Insecure, Romantic.

INT. RENTED VAN – DAY

Daisy drives, Izzy rides shot-gun with P.T., Frank, Randall in the back seat, the 3 Benton-Smyths in the middle of the van headed north. Most doze as soft INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC plays.

P.T.

Izzy, would you change the music to something more upbeat?

IZZY

You want sing along tunes?

Daisy turns back toward P.T.

DAISY

P.T., go back to sleep. Soft music keeps everyone calm.

P.T.

Bored, you mean.

A couple of hitchhikers on the shoulder hold a sign, Vancouver or Bust! Izzy rolls down her window.

IZZY

SORRY MATES, NO ROOM!

Izzy holds the button to raise her window and pulls down the visor mirror to straighten her hair.

DAISY

New subject. Stanley Park may have changed since you were there for the Girl Scout jamborees?

IZZY

I’ve dreamed of a ceremony in that chapel since I was eleven. The photos online were lovely. It simply has to be perfect, it’s my wedding, Mum. I’M GETTING MARRIED!

They happily grin at each other, until like a turtle, Quincy inserts his head in between spoiling the moment.

QUINCY

Celia has urgent need of the loo.

DAISY

We stopped twenty miles ago.

Eyebrow raised, Quincy gives Daisy his annoyed headmaster face prompting her to pull off at the next rest area.

DAISY

Okay, got it.

Revised scene for Daisy:

INT. RENTED VAN – DAY

Daisy drives, Izzy rides shot-gun with P.T., Frank, Randall in the back seat, the 3 Benton-Smyths in the middle of the van headed north. Most doze as soft INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC plays.

P.T.

Izzy, would you change the music to something more upbeat?

IZZY

You want sing along tunes?

DAISY

P.T., go back to sleep. Soft music keeps everyone calm.

P.T.

Bored, you mean.

A couple of hitchhikers on the shoulder hold a sign, Vancouver or Bust! Izzy rolls down her window.

IZZY

SORRY MATES, NO ROOM!

Izzy holds the button to raise her window and pulls down the visor mirror to straighten her hair.

DAISY

You know sweetie, Stanley Park may have changed since you were there for the Girl Scout jamborees? I don’t want you to be disappointed.

IZZY

I’ve dreamed of a ceremony in that chapel since I was eleven. The photos online were lovely. It simply has to be perfect, it’s my wedding, Mum. I’M GETTING MARRIED!

They happily grin at each other, until like a turtle, Quincy inserts his head in between spoiling the moment.

QUINCY

Celia has urgent need of the loo.

DAISY

Really? We just stopped twenty miles ago.

Eyebrow raised, Quincy shows her his annoyed headmaster face.

DAISY

Okay, I got it. There’s a rest area coming up.
Connie Barr

Member
July 29, 2023 at 3:55 am in reply to: Lesson 14

Connie’s Meaningful Action list

What I learned from doing this exercise is how much action can convey the subtext, character motivation, and what is going on under the surface.

1. What is the meaning of the scene?

2. How can that meaning be expressed through action?

Scenes #4, 6, 7, 8, 9, 22 & several others added some body language. I found that the majority of scenes had body language that matched the scene’s meaning but it was good to add more.

Scene #22 Sam’s Motorcycle shop

1. Meaning of the scene: Buck’s buddy, Ernie tries to convince him that he’s made a monumental mistake by making a deal with Daisy’s dad, Frank.

Originally Buck and Ernie chat as they admire the new bikes in the showroom after leaving Buck’s bike for repairs.

2. Expressing that meaning through action:

I changed the setting to a workout area at the YMCA where the guys are boxing. Ernie pummels the punching bag as he makes his point to Buck and Buck punches Erni’s arm retaliating. (The physical action mirrors their strong feelings)

Scene #43 Daisy’s home

1. Meaning of the scene: Daisy, her daughter, sister and her BFF have a girls night in preparation for the group heading to Canada for Izzy’s dream wedding.

Originally the ladies are all relaxing with facial masks on and talking.

2. Expressing that meaning through action.

Dance is such a big thing in their family that I added Izzy jumping up to dance to her favorite song and pulling her mom into dancing with her.

I found opportunities to add body language and characters’ action to enhance several scenes.
Connie Barr

Member
July 24, 2023 at 5:41 am in reply to: Lesson 13

Connie’s Elevated Scene Structures

What I learned doing this exercise is to not allow myself to get stuck. After last Saturday’s class, Hal shared a great tip. He said if 11 structures are overwhelming, pick your 5 favorites and use them, which I did and it worked. In the previous lesson, I identified 14 scenes rated a 5 and 13 rated at a 6 for a total of 27 scenes to rework, which also felt daunting. I wanted to take them all through lesson #13 but relented and did just the 5s. But it felt good to complete the lesson and move on to catch up with the assignments. This exercise ramped up the humor and made the scenes more entertaining.

Scene # 58 REACT/RETHINK

Beginning: Changed the location to a bowling alley rather than strolling the downtown area and window shopping which ramped up the interest and allowed Daisy and her BFF, Luci to talk while playing.

Middle: Daisy laments her job challenges and throws a gutter ball mirroring her dialog. Luci presses Daisy about her relationship with Buck and gets the dirt then throws a strike. The irony of their interaction and bowling skills is fun.

End: Randall is still disguised as a ratty musician playing for donations in the bowling alley parking lot which surprises Luci when Daisy recognizes him instantly.
Connie Barr

Member
July 19, 2023 at 12:22 am in reply to: Lesson 12

Connie’s Assignment #12 RATE ENTERTAINMENT VALUE

Connie’s Scene Ratings

What I learned from doing this exercise: This is a new technique that I found most useful, especially the idea of starting from the end of the newly revised script and rating each scene 1-10 for its appeal and potential to keep the reader or audience engaged and NOT BORED! It helps assess the appeal of each scene on a stand-alone basis.

I identified 14 number 5s and 13 number 6s, out of 93 total scenes, which was surprising. I plan to elevate all 27 of them.

#93. E 10 – FINALE

#92. E 9 – RESOLUTION

#91. E 5

#90. E 8

#89. E 8 – CLIMAX

#88. E 5

#87. E 8 – TURNING POINT

#86. E 7

#85. E 8

#84. E 7

#83. E 8

#82. E 9

#81. E 8

#80. E 7

#79. E 7

#78. E 7

#77. E 7

#76. E 8

#75. E 6

#74. E 8

#73. E 8 – NEW PLAN

#72. E 8

#71. E 8 – TURNING POINT

#70. E 7

#69. E 9

#68. E 8

#67. E 7

#66. E 5

#65. E 8

#64. E 7

#63. E 7

#62. E 6

#61. E 7

#60. E 5

#59. E 5

#58. E 5 REACT/RETHINK

#57. E 7

#56. E 5

#55. E 6

#54. E 6

#53. E 8

#52. E 8

#51. E 9

#50. E 8

#49. E 6

#48. E 5

#47. E 5

#46. E 8

#45. E 5

#44. E 7 MIDPOINT TURNING POINT

#43. E 6

#42. E 6

#41. E 5

#40. E 6

#39. E 6

#38. E 7

#37. E 8

#36. E 5

#35. E 8

#34. E 8

#33. E 5

#32. E 7

#31. E 7

#30. E 7

#29. E 8

#28. E 8

#27. E 7

#26. E 7

#25. E 6

#24. E 8

#23. E 9

#22. E 8

#21. E 7

#20. E 6

#19. E 8 – PLAN IN ACTION

#18. E 8 – NEW PLAN

#17. E 8

#16. E 7

#15. E 8

#14. E 8

#13. E 7

#12. E 6

#11. E 8 – TURNING POINT

#10. E 7

#9. E 8

#8. E 8 – INCITING INCIDENT

#7. E 8

#6. E 7

#5. E 8

#4. E 7

#3. E 8

#2. E 5

#1. E 6 – OPENING
Connie Barr

Member
July 10, 2023 at 8:36 pm in reply to: Lesson 11

Connie’s Outline to Script

What I learned from doing this exercise is that there can always be improvements to a script. This was an interesting approach to make the changes to the outline and then move them to the actual script. I feel that the changes made this way were meaningful improvements.

I added 4 new scenes, deled 5 scenes, and changed 27 scenes.
Connie Barr

Member
June 25, 2023 at 7:09 pm in reply to: Lesson 10
Connie’s (Constance) Outline Exchange #1

Title: Love Dance

Written By: Constance Barr

Email address: mcb.connie@gmail.com

Genre: Rom-Com

Concept: A dance-obsessed divorcee craves true love but after too
many “almosts” and “hell nos” has given up, until her polar opposite
cowboy with a bizarre occupation shows up as her new competitive dance
partner.

Number the scenes: 97 (Outline is 10 pages)

Hooray, I’m caught up and ready to exchange!

</div>
- This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by Connie Barr.
Connie Barr

Member
June 25, 2023 at 6:47 pm in reply to: Lesson 9

Connie’s Fascinating Scene Outlines!

What I learned by doing this assignment is…This was a good exercise to revisit the interest techniques from prior classes to make certain they were present in the majority of scenes. This was definitely a worthwhile pass. I feel like this screenplay is becoming a film that I would pay to see😊

I made several upgrades to the scenes and added additional interest techniques, but in the interest of expediency to finish getting caught up with assignments, I added them directly to the outline. Here are a few highlights:

I recognized the scene inequity between Daisy and Buck, with her appearing in 87 scenes and he in less than 20. When I first wrote the script, I approached it as being Daisy’s story with 3 potential love interests: Randall, her ex-husband, Michael, the too young hunky UPS guy, and Buck, her new dance partner.

But I realized that Buck needed to be present in far more scenes and be introduced earlier to enhance his interest and appeal. He now appears in 40 scenes. He still needs to be in more of the scenes. I added a few brief scenes and especially one where he welcomes other recovering addicts to an AA meeting. This was quite a breakthrough to show his vulnerability and secret past more than simply having it mentioned at the end by his friend Vicki.

I added Buck and Vicki together in the Farmer’s Market and Multnomah Falls hiking scenes to create mystery around who he is and who the heck is that chick that is half his age. Before they actually meet, Daisy keeps crossing paths with Buck and can’t place him. This added mystery and intrigue and foreshadowing.

I added some skullduggery behavior for Randall and need to add even more.

In the inciting incident, I added Daisy having a meltdown hissy fit in her office when her longtime dance partner calls to tell her he’s been transferred to MN. This showed a different side of the normally in control Daisy.

No Rom-Com is complete without a romantic wedding at the end. So, I added that to the final scene in Paris. Who wouldn’t want to be married under the iconic Eiffel Tower?
Connie Barr

Member
June 24, 2023 at 4:46 am in reply to: Lesson 8

Connie Elevates Lead Characters

What I learned by doing this exercise…I found the exercise of challenging every scene that does not contain a lead actor to be helpful and spot on. The strong intro of the leads and the guideline of having less than 20% of scenes without either lead character present were also quite useful.

A. Need Stronger Lead Characters

I am making Buck more tormented by his past and have his quirky sense of humor that is a cover-up for his guilt over his wife’s death show up more often.

B. Need Stronger Intros

Yes. I need to ramp up the opening scene where Daisy appears and I am adding a short scene to show Buck’s special qualities. He will be greeted by a client’s grateful wife who hugs him and thanks him profusely for bringing “physical love” back to their lives. She has heart-shaped cookies for him too.

B. Playing it Too Safe

I don’t think I have done this with any of the characters. They are all flawed and interesting people.

D. Lead Characters Not Present

I did an assessment to make sure less than 20% of the scenes include Daisy or Buck and challenge each of those scenes. I found only 7 scenes without either Daisy or Buck which is only 7 % of the total 94 scenes.

But, in running through all the scenes to identify the 7 scenes without Daisy or Buck, I found that Daisy is in nearly every scene and Buck has far less screen time. I need to add more scenes for him. I could show Buck with Vicki helping her with her car or something so the audience questions whether he is having an affair with her.
Connie Barr

Member
June 24, 2023 at 12:45 am in reply to: Lesson 7

Connie Solves Major Problems!

What I learned doing this assignment…it is good to revisit these big picture aspects.

A. Needs Stronger Transformational Journey?

Daisy is well-drawn, I think. Transforming from a frustrated lonely, bossy bitch divorcee to a loving, happy, fulfilled bride with a soulmate that “gets her”!

Daisy could be drunk when she has a meltdown at the end of Act 3 and hallucinates seeing Buck’s face everywhere.

Buck could be more tormented by the trauma of losing his wife in an accident he blamed himself for because he secretly had more drinks before they left the party and he was driving. He may use sarcasm to cover his personal blame game.

Randall needs enhancement as the antagonist, more sinister, devious and unethical in his efforts to discredit the completion for Daisy’s heart-Buck.

Frank does rather an end-of-life transformational attitude adjustment, realizing he should have let his daughters live their own life rather than having him interfere and trying to run the show for them both. Is his new attitude shared? Not enough.

B. Needs Stronger Conflict

Does the conflict for Daisy escalate from the first turning point? It quickly impacts her but she doesn’t know about the deal between Buck and Frank.

Should Daisy toughen up and fight harder after her meltdown bender in the climax?

C. Needs Stronger Opening?

Yes, I did discover from an earlier assignment that the having a phone call where we only heard Daisy’s end of the call from her longtime competitive dance partner. He advises her that he has been transferred across the country and can no longer be her partner. It is the inciting incident.

Should we see Buck, Daisy’s love interest in the opening or at least earlier in the story than 8 scenes into the story?

The Opening needs to be more exciting and active, What else could Daisy do? She could have a violent reaction to the news from her dance partner! Truman, her dog could run and hide under a chair.

D. Needs stronger Ending?

Yes., I am happy with the ending and I feel that fans of Rom-Coms will like it too. I have a funny, yet romantic proposal. But we are missing the wedding before the awesome honeymoon.
Connie Barr

Member
June 20, 2023 at 5:50 pm in reply to: Lesson 6

Connie’s Outline Improvements

What I learned doing this assignment… a script is never done and can always be improved even when we think we have done all that we can and there is always more to learn.

A. Deliver on the pitch (from Assignment #1)

Where is the pitch stronger than the outline? Actually, I think it is the other way around, so I need to ramp up the pitch.

Is there anything in this outline that goes against this pitch? Not that I have identified yet. Naturally there is more content of the story in the outline than the pitch.

Is there anything in the outline that could be elevated to match this pitch?

Here are the aspects I have identified that improve and/or clarify the story:

High Concept: A dance-obsessed divorcee craves love but has given up on it until her polar opposite cowboy with a bizarre occupation shows up as her new dance partner. (Showing Daisy’s dislike of cowboys and all things western strengthens the negative “cute-meet” & her bitchy, bossy character)

Main Conflict: Daisy’s meddling daddy struck a shady deal with Buck to be her partner which angers her when it is revealed. (Giving a bit more of why Daisy is so angry will ramp up the conflict. She feels that her dad is trying to run her life and she has done quite a good job of screwing it up on her own.)

Transformation Journey: After a bad marriage and many horrid dates, Daisy had given up on love but learns that it can still be a reality after 50. (Expressing more of how devastated Daisy is after getting a taste of love with Buck and then having it crushed would show her circuitous journey.)

Opposition: Randall, Daisy’s cheater ex is hellbent on getting her back and keeps interfering in her life. (Making Randall a stronger villain with more sneaky tricks up his sleeve will strengthen this antagonist role.)

B. Match your 4-Act Structure (from Assignment #2)

ü I added Buck mentioning that he, too is a widower when he meets with Frank and they make the deal, which I think needs to be established early on to make Buck’s character more vulnerable.

ü I have 2 midpoints as they impact characters differently. So, I need to address that issue.

ü I had a sub-plot idea that the guy who runs his motorcycle into Buck at the rally which prevents him from joining Daisy for the National Dance competition is actually a friend of Randall’s. This would make Randall a more sinister villain.

ü I am a bit conflicted about what my inciting incident is: Is it when buck and Frank make their deal about Buck covertly becoming Daisy’s new partner in exchange for Frank paying for all the penis pumps his male residents want. OR is it when Daisy’s longtime dance partner calls to tell her he has been transferred and can no longer be her partner???

C. Strong on genre conventions (from Assignment #3)

Ø I need to add the scene where Daisy and Buck have sex into the outline as it is a pivotal scene. I also want to add more weirdness to Buck’s leaving that night without a word while Daisy sleeps.

Ø Also at their next practice session, Daisy needs to be angrier about it and tells Buck that sleeping with him was a huge mistake which will ramp up the love journey.

Ø As far as the relationship set-up, Frank could mention some of Daisy’s negative qualities (bossy, nitpicky, etc.) to Buck when they meet to which Buck could comment. Plus, Daisy could share her distaste for cowboys and things western to her sister as they leave the assisted living community.

Ø For Buck’s issues, I think adding that he had a couple of drinks or smoked a joint before he took the wheel the night his wife was killed in a car crash. This would ramp up his guilt about her death and have him show that he d/n feel deserving of another chance at love.

Ø For separation, Randall and or Daisy’s sis, PT could play a bigger role in keeping Buck and Daisy apart.

Ø PT could be funnier in her negativity about love, dating, and relationships.

D. Characters take action from their profiles (from Assignment #4)

What would a bossy, controlling, insecure, romantic like Daisy do here?

1. In the opening, she would talk to her dog, the TV & her stalker ex about her determined goal to win the National Over 50 Dance Contest.

2. In the Inciting Incident, she would get angry and worried about the big competition being so close when her partner calls her to report that he’s been transferred across the country and can no longer be her partner.

3. In Act 2 she might fumble out of nervousness because she is attracted to her new cowboy, smartass partner.

4. In Act 3, she would be confused, hurt and annoyed about Buck leaving in the middle of the night after having sex with her and only leaving the word ‘sorry” on the white board in her kitchen.

What would a kind, funny, ethical, haunted person like Buck do here?

1. Should Buck be seen earlier in the story, before he meets with Frank and creates the deal with him?

2. In the turning point meeting with Frank, Buck is a smartalic which is in character.

3. In Act 2, Buck is funny, committed to upholding his end of the deal with Frank but questions if it is worth it to put up with Daisy’s bossy and controlling behavior.

4. In Act 3, when Buck misses the big contest in Dallas due to his injuries from the motorcycle accident, he is quilt-ridden and wants to make things right with Daisy. He tries everything possible to explain and get through to her but she blocks him.

E. Build in each character’s storyline (from Assignment #5)

v I feel that Daisy’s storyline plays well with some minor tweaks

v Buck needs more screen time and more of his backstory and transformation included. I need to show how he forgives himself and realizes he does deserve happiness and a second chance at love.

v Frank is also good with regard to his storyline playing out in Love Dance.

v Randall also needs work making him more of a villain and impediment to Daisy and Buck getting together.
Connie Barr

Member
June 18, 2023 at 12:09 am in reply to: Lesson 5

Connie’s Character Story Lines

What I learned doing this exercise is…This is a useful exercise and while doing it, I came up with some good ideas to enhance the story.

Daisy Duncan, Protagonist

Beginning: Daisy is lonely and dreams of finding love and winning
the Over 50 dance contest to prove her worth.<div>

Inciting Incident: When her longtime dance partner is transferred,
her dad makes a deal with Buck, his penis pump sales rep to covertly be
Daisy’s new partner in exchange for buying pumps for all the men in the
senior community.

Turning Point: When Buck gets rid of the other potential dance
partners, and gets the role, Daisy is repulsed by the arrogant cowboy and
bosses him testing to see how committed he is.

Midpoint: During the drunken bachelor party for Daisy’s future
gay daughter-in-law, her dad, Frank reveals his special deal with Buck to Daisy’s
ex-husband, Randall, who is determined to win her back and will use the
new info to his advantage.

Turning Point 2: Daisy is livid at her dad when Randall reveals
Frank’s sneaky deal with Buck.

Dilemma: After Buck is a no-show at the big dance competition, Daisy
can’t forgive him. She holds a grudge against Frank for meddling in her
life but eventually does forgive Frank, largely because he is ill.

Major Conflict: Daisy is conflicted because she loves Buck but he
let her down big time and proved himself to not be the man she believed him
to be.

Ending: When everything is revealed, and all is forgiven,
Buck and Daisy are partnered together and deliriously happy.



Buck Wright, Protagonist

Beginning: As a widower, Buck is also lonely too but trying to
make the best of his life.
Inciting Incident: Frank makes a deal with Buck, his penis
pump sales rep to covertly be Daisy’s new partner in exchange for buying
pumps for all the men in the senior community. </div><div>

Turning Point: After Buck gets rid of the other dance partner
contenders, and gets the role, he is pelted with stern instructions from
bossy Daisy and wonders what kind of a mess he’s gotten himself into.

Midpoint: After the state dance contest win, Daisy and Buck
overlook their mutual disdain in favor of their lust for one another and
celebrate by having great sex but his guilt over the death of his wife
makes him leave without a word as Daisy sleeps.

Turning Point 2: The entire wedding party is in custody at the
Canadian border, Daisy has no one to call for help but Buck. He gets them
released.

Dilemma: He could grovel and beg Daisy for forgiveness or move on
and forget about her.

Major Conflict: Even given the help that he provided, Daisy still
doesn’t forgive him for losing the big contest and the crazy deal he made
with Frank and leaving her place in the middle of the night. This tortures
Buck that he screwed up so badly because he loves her and wants to make
things right

Ending: When everything is revealed, and all is forgiven
Buck and Daisy are partnered together and deliriously happy.

Frank Monroe, Secondary Antagonist

Beginning: Frank is a popular fellow and happy in the Assisted
living community but worries about his daughters being alone. He quizzes
them about their prospects. </div>

Inciting Incident: He’s especially concerned about Daisy, so he makes
a special deal with Buck.

Turning Point: His plan to have Buck be Daisy’s new partner works,
a done deal, and maybe she’ll fall for him.

<div>

Midpoint: He blows it after having a few too many cocktails when
he tells Randall, of all people, his cheating ex-son-in-law about his deal
with Buck.

Turning Point 2: On the way home from his granddaughter’s wedding
in Canada, Randall tells Daisy about Frank’s deal with Buck and she is
enraged!

Dilemma: Frank apologizes and tries to justify his actions to
Daisy to no avail. He doesn’t want to be at odds with his girls,
especially since he likely doesn’t have much longer to live.

Major Conflict: Frank wants to make amends with his daughters
before he takes a dirt nap and maybe give Randall a piece of his mind.

Ending: Frank is dead but he went out happy and mended fences
with his girls before he went.

Randall Duncan, Antagonist

Beginning: As a former MI6 agent, Randall is a master of disguise
and uses them to delight and stalk Daisy in his ardent efforts to get her
back. </div>

Inciting Incident: He does not learn of Frank’s special deal
with Buck until much later at the bachelorette party.

Turning Point: He does not learn of how Buck became Daisy’s
new dance contest partner until the bachelorette party.

Midpoint: Randall learns of Franks’ special deal with Buck and
feels that he can use this information to his advantage to woo Daisy and
win her back.

Turning Point 2: To degrade Buck in Daisy’s eyes, Randall tells her
about the deal Frank made with him and what a lowlife person Buck truly
is.

Dilemma: Randall is determined to get Buck out of the picture but
has not made much progress. He wants to get Frank on his side but there is
no love lost between them. He may need to be more aggressive.

Major Conflict: Randall is unaccustomed to losing and yet he
clearly lost Daisy to the cowboy dancer,

Ending: Randall is not in the final scenes. He is not invited to
the big library holiday party, but maybe he could be there as a
womanizer having lost Daisy, he goes after one of her staffers?
Connie Barr

Member
June 16, 2023 at 12:00 am in reply to: Lesson 4

Connie’s Character Profiles

What I learned from doing this exercise is that interviewing the main characters is essential to making them compelling to potential actors and to the audience.

Love Dance Character Profiles

A. Name: Daisy
Duncan

B. Role
in the Story: Female protagonist who wants to be a winner in life,
dance and love.
C. Core
Traits: Bossy, controlling, insecure, a romantic

D. Want
= Fall in love, Need = To be adored
& be enough for her soul mate

E. Flaw
= To be good enough, Wound = Being
cheated on countless times during her marriage to Randall.
F. Secret
= To be the absolute best at something, Hidden Agenda= To win the contest,
attract “the one” & even be featured in the news!

G. Internal
Dilemma = Being in control, yet not having to take care of everything and everybody.

H. What
makes this character perfect for their role in this story? Daisy is a
complex woman who presents as a strong, capable woman who actually
second-guesses virtually everything she does and seeks validation from
many people.

A. Name: Buckley
(Buck) Wright

B. Role
in the Story: Secondary Protagonist/Daisy’s Love Interest

C. Core
Traits: Kind, funny, supportive, ethical.

D. Motivation:
Want/Need: Want = Have a great woman in his life again, Need =
Forgiveness for his wife’s death.

E. Flaw
= Feeling not good enough, Wound = Nearly constant guilt over driving the
car when Annie was killed in the crash.

F. Secret
= He had a couple more drinks before he and Annie hit the road. Hidden
Agenda: = Start over with someone new and never mention the extra drinks.

G. Internal
Dilemma = Everyone thinks he’s a really good guy, but he’s actually an irresponsible
scumbag.

H. What
makes this character perfect for their role in this story? Buck is so
severely haunted and plagued by his role in the death of his late wife
that truly wants to start his life over with Daisy but feels he doesn’t
deserve happiness,

A. Name: Randall
Duncan

B. Role
in the Story: Antagonist (Daisy’s Ex-husband who is obsessed with
winning her back by hook or by crook)

C. Core
Traits: Chameleon (inside and out), sneaky, determined, cheater

D. Motivation: Want
= To have another chance with Daisy. Need = Prove to his daughter that he
is one of the good guys.

E. Flaw
= Lifelong womanizer. Wound = When their daughter was a teen, she
discovered him with another woman in their home and she’s never forgiven
him. (this is a new revelation to add)

F. Secret=
(Currently have nothing for this) Hidden Agenda: He will get
Buck out of the picture, win Daisy back, and be forgiven by their daughter.

G. Internal
Dilemma: He was a successful MI6 Operative for decades and yet he has
made zero progress with his agenda to sin Daisy back. He doesn’t get it.

H. What
makes this character perfect for their role in this story? Randall was
a spy, so he knows all the tricks and is by nature a crafty dude who is
accustomed to getting what he wants and who he wants.

A. Name: Frank
Munroe

B. Role
in the Story: Secondary Antagonist

C. Core
Traits: Jovial, virile, authoritarian, a romantic rascal

D. Motivation:
Want = To enjoy every day he has left & see his girls happily
partnered with good men. Need = To go out happy and fulfilled.

E. Flaw
= Accustomed to getting what he wants. Wound = He will never get over the
loss of his incredible wife who died too young.

F. Secret
= He has cancer but hasn’t told his daughters. Hidden Agenda = He plans to
live out his remaining days having as much fun with the ladies and his guy
pals as possible before he goes 6 ft. under.

G. Internal
Dilemma: He was true blue to his wife when she was alive and feels a
little guilty for carrying on with all the horny ladies in YACC.

H. What
makes this character perfect for their role in this story? Frank is a loveable
old rascal who adores his daughters and covertly tries to help and
protect them.

1. Are there any parts that could be improved? Yes, the aspects of Randall’s character that I underlined which will make him more of a negative force.

2. Can this character fulfill their role in the story more effectively? I am pretty happy with the main characters, but I did see that their opening disdain for one another could be ramped up.
Connie Barr

Member
June 15, 2023 at 10:19 pm in reply to: Lesson 3

Pro Rewrite class Lesson #3 Genre to Structure

Connie’s Genre Conventions

What I learned from this assignment is…that even if aspects of the genre conventions are in place in the script, more or stronger ones can be added.

Title: Love Dance

Concept: A dance-obsessed divorcee craves love but has given up on it until her polar opposite cowboy with a bizarre occupation shows up as her new dance partner.

Genre: Rom-Com

Purpose: To have the audience experience falling in love again & laugh.

The Journey of Love: Buck and Daisy try to deny the intense attraction they have for one another but do succumb and have great sex but adding more weirdness to Buck’s leaving without a word would add more tension. Maybe he feels like being with Daisy is a betrayal to his dead wife or that he doesn’t deserve to be happy. Maybe Daisy is angrier about his abrupt departure and gives him a piece of her mind… “That was an enormous mistake and can never happen again nor be spoken of! Understood?”

Relationship Set-up: Daisy and Buck have an instant disdain for one another which could be ramped up even more. Frank could mention Daisy’s negative traits: bossy, controlling, etc, when Buck comes to see him and passes Daisy in the hallway. Buck could reply to Frank’s comments with a line, “Bossy women are such a downer.” Also add, Buck turning to look at Daisy with interesta s part of the “cute-meet” & he could be dressed in slightly western biz attire. Then Daisy says to PT, “I hate all things western, especially cowboys!”

Issues: Buck carries heavy guilt having been the driver of the car when his wife was killed in the crash. What if he had a couple of drinks or smoked a joint that no one knew about before he took the wheel?

Separation: Daisy felt betrayed and used by Buck and her dad forming a business deal about her dance partner and keeping it a secret. She totally loses it when Buck fails to show for the final competition. What could create an even bigger divide between them? Maybe PT or Randall could play a bigger role in keeping them apart.

Comedy: Daisy’s ardent ex, Randall is a goofy character that could be expanded. Her sister PT is another one that could be funnier in her negativity about love and dating. In the final scene, Daisy grabs Buck cowboy hat and grinning, puts it on her head as they dance. He could say, “My beautiful bossy baby,Gemme back my hat.

Love Dance

ACT 1

INT. DAISY’S LIVING ROOM – DAY – Opening

As Daisy watches a dance contest on tv and dances with her dog, her stalker ex-husband startles her through the window disguised as a gardener.Add: more interest like she talks to him, “Mommy’s gonna win the big dance contest. You just wait and see!

INT. DAISY’S OFFICE – DAY –Inciting Incident

On the phone, Daisy laments about her non-existent love life to her BFF, Luci when her ex, Randall interrupts with a visit. ADD: Daisy’s dance partner calls to tell her he’s been promoted and transferred to MN. and can’t compete with her any more.

INT. FRANK’S APARTMENT – DAY – Tuning Point

Buck asks Frank about his new “equipment”. Frank offers Buck as a business deal: Frank buys “equipment” for every man in the community who wants one in exchange for Buck becoming Daisy’s new competition dance partner for nationals. The men are interrupted by one of Frank’ s many ladies delivering a casserole.

ACT 2

INT. SMALL PRIVATE PRACTICE ROOM – DAY – New Plan

Buck enters the practice room as the only remaining dance partner. He and Daisy are polar opposites, yet there is electricity.

EXT. EASTSIDE DANCE ACADEMY PARKING LOT–DAY – PLAN IN ACTION

Outside the academy, Daisy bosses Buck, pelting him with instructions and he wonders what the heck he’s gotten himself into.

.

INT. EMBERS GAY BAR – NIGHT – Midpoint TURNING POINT

The guys and Steph move on to a gay bar. Drunken Frank reveals his special deal with Buck to Randall of all people!

.

ACT 3

EXT. DOWNTOWN PORTLAND – DAY – REACT/RETHINK

Luci and Daisy window shop and discuss Daisy’s concerns about her job and what happened with Buck.

.

INT. VAN – DAY – NEW PLAN

Daisy’s fuming and gives everyone orders as to their tasks when they return to Portland far later than expected, possibly missing their flights. Everyone is deathly quiet and a little scared of her.

INT. DAISY’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT – TURNING POINT

Randall arrives to find Daisy’s normally tidy condo in shambles with empty wine bottles, crap and dirty clothes everywhere. He answers her cell promising to deliver a message but writes nothing down. Luci arrives questioning what he’s doing there. He replies delivering soup to the depressed Daisy. Add PT comes to check on her sis and offers take Buck out or at least beat him up for abandoning her. Luci shoos him away and orders disheveled Daisy to go upstairs and shower as they are going out. Then a young woman arrives, Vicki Wachowski, a friend of Buck’s.

INT. DAISY’S BATHROOM – DAY

Daisy talks to herself in a steamy mirror asking what’s the remedy for a fractured heart.

ACT 4

CLIMAX

INT. DAISY’S LIVING ROOM – DAY Luci gets to know Vicki. Daisy joins them. Vicki is Buck’s friend who sings his praises, sharing that he stepped in to help her family when her dad, Buck’s best bud died. Vicki reveals that he was seriously injured at the motorcycle rally and felt so guilty about missing the “dance thingie”. She says he’s been super sad. They were afraid he’d start drinking again like after Annie, his wife died and he blamed himself for her death. She says he’s obsessed with Daisy and asks her to call him.

resolution

INT. LIBRARY LOBBY – CHRISTMAS TIME – NIGHT

Everyone is at the huge Christmas party at the library. Buck moves Daisy under the hanging mistletoe, gives her a big kiss and an envelope which contains two airline tickets to Paris. Then he dances her to a shadowy corner, goes to one knee and proposes. She screams yes and more kisses. Frank’s favorite holiday song, white Christmas plays.
Connie Barr

Member
June 10, 2023 at 10:13 pm in reply to: Lesson 1

Connie Barr (not Barretta)

I was sure that I had already posted this assignment but since I do not see it, here it is again:

What I learned as in all SU classes over the years, there is always more to learn. Plus, even when I get behind in the assignments, just keep moving forward, just as Hal says.

Pro Rewrite Class PITCH for LOVE DANCE

A. Genre: Rom-Com

B. Title: Love
Dance

C. High
Concept: A mature love story centered around the National over 50
ballroom dance competition and the odd occupation of Daisy’s love interest

D. Main
Conflict: When she learns they are in cahoots, Daisy is angry
and feels betrayed by both her father and Buck

E.
Transformational Journey: Daisy fears being alone for the rest of her
life and d/n trust men in general but desperately wants to find her true
love.
F. Opposition: Buck
is not what she envisioned and obstacles keep popping up to derail their mutual
attraction
Connie Barr

Member
May 29, 2023 at 1:11 am in reply to: Lesson 2

Connie Barr

3 Act Structure

I learned that this process of distilling the story down to the essentials provides a different perspective. I also need to continue to work on being less verbose:)

Title: Love Dance

Genre: Rom-Com

High Concept: A dance-obsessed divorcee craves love but has given up on it until her polar opposite cowboy with a bizarre occupation shows up as her new dance partner.

Main Conflict: Daisy’s meddling daddy struck a shady deal with Buck to be her partner which angers her when it is revealed.

Transformation Journey: After a bad marriage and horrid dates, Daisy had given up on love but learns that it can still be a reality after 50.

Opposition: Randall, Daisy’s cheater ex is hellbent on getting her back and keeps interfering in her life.

1. INT. DAISY’S LIVING ROOM – DAY – Opening

As Daisy watches a dance contest on tv and dances with her dog, her stalker ex-husband startles her disguised as a gardener.

2. EXT. CEMETERY – PORTLAND, OREGON – DAY

Daisy visits her mom’s grave and chats with her.

3. EXT. DOWNTOWN PORTLAND – DAY

Daisy reads outside her work and homeless harry steals her lunch.

4. INT. DAISY’S OFFICE AREA RECEPTION – MAIN LIBRARY – DAY

Daisy’s staff surprise her with a 50th birthday celebration.

5. INT. DAISY’S OFFICE – DAY

On the phone, Daisy laments about her non-existent love life to her BFF, Luci when her ex, Randall interrupts with a visit.

6. EXT./INT. YOUTHFUL ASSISTED CARE CENTER(YACC)- PORTLAND – DAY

Daisy and her sister, PT visit their dad, Frank in the assisted living community. He quizs them both about their husband prospects while flirting with his CNA, Zira.

7. INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE FRANK’S APARTMENT – DAY

Daisy and PT cross paths with Buck Wright on his way to visit Frank.

8. INT. FRANK’S APARTMENT – DAY – Inciting Incident

Buck asks Frank about his new “equipment”. Frank offers Buck as a business deal: Frank buys “equipment” for every man in the community who wants one in exchange for Buck becoming Daisy’s new competition dance partner for nationals. The men are interrupted by one of Frank’ s many ladies delivering a casserole.

9. INT. YWCA – PORTLAND – DAY

During Zumba class daisy and Luci discuss some of Daisy’s bizarre senior dating experiences.

10 INT. MURPHY’S CHINESE RESTAURANT – DAY

Daisy has a horrid lunch date with Wilbur, the bug man.

11.EXT. MURPHY’S CHINESE RESTAURANT – DAY

Outside the restaurant, Daisy tells Luci about her dreadful date.

12.INT. DAISY’S OFFICE – DAY

Back at the library, Daisy receives a strange call from the police.

13. INT. RECEPTION DESK – MAIN LIBRARY – DAY

Stunned, Daisy tells her assistant, Nancy the call was from the morgue.

14. INT. MAIN LIBRARY LOBBY – NEXT MORNING

Daisy arrives the next AM to find her staff all discussing the dead of a former colleague, whose body Daisy had to identify.

15.INT. DAISY’S OFFICE – DAY

Daisy is so distracted telling Luci about the death she gets her scarf caught in the paper shredder.

16. EXT. FARMER’S MARKET – DOWNTOWN – DAY

PT and Daisy discuss more dating disasters as they stroll the farmer’s market. PT gives her sister advice.

17.EXT. MULTNOMAH FALLS – DAY

Luci and Daisy hike the falls, discussing the upcoming wedding of

Daisy’s daughter, Izzy in Canada.

18. EXT. EASTSIDE DANCE ACADEMY – DAY

Outside signage of Eastside Dance Academy.

19. INT. RECEPTION DESK AT EASTSIDE DANCE ACADEMY – DAY

Buck gets rid of two potential replacements for Daisy’s dance partner before she even meets them.

20.INT. SMALL PRIVATE PRACTICE ROOM – DAY

Buck enters the practice room as the only remaining dance partner. He and Daisy are polar opposites, yet there is electricity.

21. EXT. EASTSIDE DANCE ACADEMY PARKING LOT–DAY – Act 1 Turning Point

Outside the academy, Daisy bosses Buck, pelting him with instructions and he wonders what the heck he’s gotten himself into.

22. EXT. DOWNTOWN – NIGHT

Luci and Daisy get coffee and discuss Daisy’s new dance partner. Randall in disguise watches them.

23.EXT./INT. GOTTA LOVE IT BAKERY – NIGHT

Luci gives Daisy a major peptalk as they visit a bakery before going to the movies.

24.INT. SAM’S MOTORCYCLES – DAY

Buck’s BFF, Ernie chastises him for making a deal with Frank as they wait for Buck’s motorcycle to be repaired.

25.INT. DAISY’S OFFICE – DAY

City investigator, Thomas Farmer visits Daisy to inform her of an internal audit of the library. She mistakes him for Randall in yet another disguise.

26.INT. EASTSIDE ACADEMY PRACTICE ROOM – NIGHT

Buck and Daisy practice. She’s all business and he’s having fun. They argue.

27. EXT. LA PETITE CAFE – NIGHT

Michael, the UPS guy who is crazy for Daisy, takes her to his pal’s new restaurant the night before it opens. They debate how important their large age difference is.

28.INT. LA PETITE CAFE – NIGHT

Loads of fun having a restaurant all to yourself: great food, wine, music and dancing but the romance is one-sided.

29. INT. LIBRARY, OUTSIDE DAISY’S OFFICE – DAY

Daisy overhears Thomas grilling her staff about her.

30.INT. PORTLAND – CRYSTAL BALLROOM – BACK STAGE – NIGHT

The over 50 dance contest for Oregon. Buck and Daisy have a blast with lots of support among the audience.

31. INT. PORTLAND – CRYSTAL BALLROOM – AUDITORIUM – NIGHT

Stiff competition but Buck and Daisy win!

32.INT. COAT CHECK ROOM – NIGHT

Buck and Daisy get their coats from the odd coat check lady (Randall in disguise). Daisy introduces the men to one another.

33.EXT. O’REILLY’S IRISH PUB – NIGHT

Michael takes Daisy to a millennial’s bar where the beer pong game splatters her. She hates it all, leaves but Michael tries to make amends. They argue and realize they live in different worlds.

34.EXT. CITY PARK – DAY

Luci and Daisy play catch with Truman while discussing Michael.

35.INT. DAISY’S CAR – NIGHT

Daisy drives to Buck’s home in the country in a heavy rainstorm to practice while voicing her concerns about what horrid things might happen there.

36. EXT./INT. BUCK’S HOME – NIGHT

As Daisy tours his home, she asks probing questions and make assumptions.

37. INT. BASEMENT OF BUCK’S HOME – NIGHT

Buck and Daisy practice intently to the point of exhaustion and when they take a break succumb to their mutual attraction and make out which is interrupted by a phone call from someone Buck calls “Honey”.

38.INT. SASSY SALLY’S NAIL SALON – DAY

Daisy and Luci have manicures and discuss the night at Buck’s.

39.INT. YACC RECREATION ROOM – NIGHT

Frank and is buddies enjoy a poker tournament when Daisy, daughter Izzy and her fiancé, Stephanie drop by for a visit. The old dudes make cracks about the Lesbians.

40.INT. TRAILS INN SALOON – NIGHT

Buck takes Daisy to a local bar to learn to dance to country music.

41.EXT. OUTSIDE DAISY’S CONDO – NIGHT

Buck takes Daisy home and lingers. They flirt and kiss.

42. INT. DAISY’S CONDO – NIGHT

Daisy and Izzy share mother/daughter time discussing both of their relationships. Izzy urges her mom to be open to love.

43. EXT. MARY’S CLUB – NIGHT

Arriving in a limo, Frank, Randall and Quincy, Steph’s stuffy British dad, take her out for a bachelor night at a local strip club. Frank spouts his opinions about love.

44. INT. MARY’S CLUB – NIGHT

Quincy is appalled about the place; Frank is in charge and continues to share his drunken pearls of wisdom about life and love. Steph tries to keep it peaceful.

45.INT. SINFUL SKIN CARE SALON – NIGHT

Luci, Daisy, Izzy enjoy spa treatments, PT endures it as they share stories and laughs.

46.INT. EMBERS GAY BAR – NIGHT – Midpoint

The guys and Steph move on to a gay bar. Frank and Randall have an illuminating chat where Frank reveals his special deal with Buck.

47.INT. LIMO – NIGHT

Frank insists they move on to Marcelle’s where drag queens perform.

48.INT. MARCELLE’S CLUB – NIGHT

Quincy is outraged by the attention from the drag queens.

49.INT. DAISY’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Izzy, Luci, PT and Daisy relax enjoying a click flick except PT, who doesn’t get it.

50.INT. LIMO – NIGHT

The bachelor party moves to a lesbian club. Steph wants to call it a night.

51. INT. UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON BALLROOM – SEATTLE – NIGHT

Daisy and Buck outshine all the other couples and win the NW Regional contest.

52.INT. DAISY’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Buck and Daisy celebrate their win at her place and things heat up. He goes to his car to get a special something.

53.INT. DAISY’S BEDROOM/BATHROOM – NIGHT

While he’s gone, Daisy dashes about preparing her bedroom and herself, searching for sex toys, lube, etc.

54.INT. DAISY’S GUEST BATHROOM – NIGHT

Buck preps in the guest bathroom with his special sex equipment.

MIDPOINT

55.INT. DAISY’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Buck and Daisy oust Truman and have amazing sex.

56. INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE DAISY’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

The loud noises coming from the bedroom drive Truman crazy.

57.INT. DAISY’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Buck and Daisy banter happily about their sexual encounters.

58.INT. DAISY’S KITCHEN – NIGHT

As Daisy prepares post-coital snacks, Buck finally reveals what he does for a living and explains how he helps men with ED.

59. EXT. BASKETBALL COURT – DAY

Buck and Ernie shoot hoops. Buck tells his bud that he left Daisy’s while she slept and had left a cryptic “sorry” message. Ernie reminds him that his dead wife, Annie would want him to be happy.

60. EXT. DOWNTOWN PORTLAND – DAY

Luci and Daisy window shop and discuss Daisy’s concerns about her job and what happened with Buck.

61.INT. RENTED VAN – DAY

Diasy drives a large van with Izzy as co-pilot, PT, Frank, Randall, Steph and her parents in the back. Izzy and Daisy discuss the upcoming wedding in Canada as they head north.

62. EXT. WASHINGTON – REST AREA – DAY

Steph’s mum, Celia demands a bio break even though they’ve been on the road a short time. The tension mounts among the passengers.

63. INT. RENTED VAN – DAY

On the road again, Randall rides shotgun. He sweet talks Daisy and declares his undying love for her. She reminds him of his many infidelities when they were married. Daisy pulls over for yet another Celia pit stop and has PT take over driving to avoid Randall.

64. INT. ROSEDALE HOTEL – NIGHT

The road weary travelers argue with the hotel desk clerk about a reservation mix-up giving them only 2 rooms for the 8 of them. Due to the city hosting 6 conferences, they accept their only option in the dodgy hotel.

65. INT. ROSEDALE HOTEL – HALLWAY – NIGHT

They all agree that the gents take 1 room and the ladies the other. Daisy peeks into their room and is horrified. She reminds Steph and Izzy that it’s only for one night and they have their Hawaiian honeymoon to enjoy.

66. INT. ROSEDALE HOTEL – BRIDAL SUITE – NIGHT

The ladies settle into the raunchy room and speculate about the oddities.

67. EXT. VANCOUVER, B. C. – OUTSIDE CHAPEL AT STANLEY PARK – DAY

Everyone is dressed to the nines and pose for the photographer outside the venue after PT and Daisy argue about PT’s attire physically. The brides laugh it off and kiss.

68.INT. U.S./CANADA BORDER – HOLDING CELL – DAY

Border guards watch the wedding party as daisy makes their one phone call to Buck.

69. EXT. MOTORCYCLE RALLY – DAY

Buck is happy Daisy called and tries to apologize for his behavior the night they were together but she frantically explains they are being held at the border because of her dad.

70. INT. CANADIAN BORDER – OFFICE – DAY

Daisy explains that the offense in international drug trafficking. Buck shares that he has some Canadian clients in government he can contact.

71.INT. DETENTION AREA – HOLDING CELL – DAY

A guard releases the would-be criminals thanks to buck’s intervention. Randall takes credit and continues to woo daisy.

ACT 2 TURNING POINT

72.EXT. DETENTION AREA – NIGHT

The big reveal by Randall to Daisy: Buck is Frank’s penis pump salesman with whom he made a deal to finance pumps all around YACC in exchange for Buck being Daisy’s new dance partner and keep it all secret from her. Daisy is livid.

73. EXT. REST AREA – U.S. SIDE OF CANADIAN BORDER – DAY

Once across the us border, Daisy stops at a rest area to give Frank an angry lecture.

74.INT. VAN – DAY

Daisy’s fuming and gives everyone orders as to their tasks when they return to Portland far later than expected, possibly missing their flights. Everyone is deathly quiet and a little scared of her.

75.EXT. MOTORCYCLE RALLY – PARKING LOT – DAY

An inexperienced rider at the rally loses control of his expensive motorcycle hitting Buck, who tries to help him.

76. INT. DALLAS – HACIENDA HOTEL LOBBY – NIGHT

Daisy reads the Welcome to Dallas Hacienda Hotel, host of the National Over 50 Dance Competition and peaks into the ballroom to assess her fellow contenders.

77.INT. DALLAS HACIENDA HOTEL – FRONT DESK – DAY

Daisy is freaking out because Buck has not shown up for the big competition. She leaves him threatening phone messages.

78. INT. PENDLETON – HOSPITAL ER – DAY

Buck’s in the ER in rough shape and wants to make a call but is sedated.

79.INT. PENDLETON – HOSPITAL ROOM – NIGHT

From his hospital room, Buck tries repeatedly to call Daisy but she hangs up or doesn’t answer. He even leaves a message for Frank.

80. INT. DALLAS HACIENDA HOTEL – DAISY’S ROOM – DAY

Daisy gets drunk in her hotel room and sends Buck a scathing email that ends with “Do not ever attempt to contact me in the future”.

81. EXT. DAISY’S CONDO – DAY

Michael delivers “I’m sorry” balloons and a poster board inscribed ”please let me explain.” He is quick to state that they are not from him.

82.EXT. LIBRARY – DAY

Prepping for a work event, Daisy has an encounter with homeless Harry and then chats with Luci on her cell reporting about all the apology gifts she’s gotten and how heartbroken she still is about Buck and the contest debacle.

83.EXT. IN FRONT OF YACC – DAY

Daisy and Buck arrive at the same time to visit Frank and have a brief, uncomfortable exchange. He asks if she has a new partner yet and she responds that she’s given up dance.

84.INT. FRANK’S APARTMENT – DAY

Daisy sits on the edge of Frank’s hospital bed. He is in bad shape hooked to various tubes and devices. He apologizes, but she assures him there’s no need.

85.INT. DAISY’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Daisy calls Buck but a woman answers and says he’s asleep.

86.INT. DAISY’S LIVING ROOM – DAY

Luci arrives at Daisy’s to find her pouring over scraps of paper trying to put them together like a big puzzle. Luci jumps in to help. They speculate who might have sent it. They put French words together. Daisy reads it aloud. It’s from Buck professing his love for her and desire to spend the rest of his life dancing with her.

87. INT. LIBRARY – DAISY’S OFFICE – DAY

Daisy mopes around her office, shoves a photo of her and Buck with their regional trophy into a drawer. Thomas Farmer arrives. He shares his report and positive decision. Daisy gets to keep her job but it fails to give her much joy.

88. INT. DAISY’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Randall arrives to find Daisy’s normally tidy condo in shambles with empty wine bottles, crap and dirty clothes everywhere. He answers her cell promising to deliver a message but writes nothing down. Luci arrives questioning what he’s doing there. He replies delivering soup to the depressed Daisy. Luci shoos him away and orders disheveled Daisy to go upstairs and shower as they are going out. Then a young woman arrives, Vicki Wachowski, a friend o f Buck’s.

89.INT. DAISY’S BATHROOM – DAY

Daisy talks to herself in a steamy mirror asking what’s the remedy for a fractured heart.

CLIMAX

90. INT. DAISY’S LIVING ROOM – DAY

Luci gets to know Vicki. Daisy joins them. Vicki is Buck’s friend who sings his praises, sharing that he stepped in to help her family when her dad, Buck’s best bud died. Vicki reveals that he was seriously injured at the motorcycle rally and felt so guilty about missing the “dance thingie”. She says he’s been super sad. They were afraid he’d start drinking again like after Annie, his wife died and he blamed himself for her death. She says he’s obsessed with Daisy and asks her to call him.

91. EXT. WILLAMETTE CEMETERY – DAY

Frank’s graveside service with busloads of ladies from YACC in attendance and Buck. Daisy expresses her appreciation and invites him to the wake at Oaks Amusement Park.

SIX MONTHS LATER

92.INT. DAISY’S OFFICE – CHRISTMAS TIME – NIGHT

Christmastime. Daisy waters a big Ficus tree (the one Buck sent her as an apology) and closes her office.

resolution

93.INT. LIBRARY LOBBY – CHRISTMAS TIME – NIGHT

Everyone is at the huge Christmas party at the library. Buck moves Daisy under the hanging mistletoe, gives her a big kiss and an envelope which contains two airline tickets to Paris. Then he dances her to a shadowy corner, goes to one knee and proposes. She screams yes and more kisses. Frank’s favorite holiday song, white Christmas plays.

94. EXT. EIFFEL TOWER – PARIS – DAY

Beneath the iconic tower, Buck in hunky cowboy garb and Daisy in a fetching dress dance the Texas Two-step embrace in the dance of love, grinning with glee.
Connie Barr

Member
May 20, 2023 at 6:48 pm in reply to: Introduce Yourself to the Group

Hello all,

My name is Constance (Connie=the friendlier version).

I have written 12 screenplays and studied with SU for several years. I have one script optioned with a small producer in London that he is seeking financing for. I want to ramp up the quality of my top 3 other projects and then market them. This seemed like a timely course to keep me motivated and moving through the summer months. I also really like the notion of working with exclusively other SU folks.

Sadly, I will miss the first live session today, as I am involved in a local musical show this afternoon.

Enjoy!
Connie Barr

Member
May 20, 2023 at 6:40 pm in reply to: Confidentiality Agreement

I, Constance (Connie) Barr, As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
Connie Barr

Member
January 28, 2023 at 11:56 pm in reply to: Lesson 12 Assignment

Connie’s Assignment #12

What I learned from doing this exercise is realizing how many different approaches there are to connect with people who can make our dreams of having our scripts actually produced come true.

This class ties in beautifully with a New Year’s determination that my Career Launch writers group made for 2023. Several of us are doing a 30-day challenge to send queries every weekday for 30 days in Feb. and into March. I have a list of over 100 potential producers to query. I am using strategy #6 to start utilizing emails, phone calls, and even some old-school letters to reach out. I plan to send 2/day and 1 to potential publishers on my trilogy of mid-grad novels too.

Thanks to everyone who shared feedback and the very best of luck to you all in this journey.

Cheers,

Connie
Connie Barr

Member
January 28, 2023 at 9:18 pm in reply to: Lesson 11 Assignment

Connie’s Query letter DRAFT 2

Dear <Producer>,

Given your success with <Shall We Dance>, I thought you might have an interest in my Rom-Com entitled Love Dance. I feel it is important to share hopeful stories of love in the third act of life.

Feisty divorcee, Daisy Duncan has sworn off men forever!

She’s obsessed with winning the over-50 National Dance Contest, but needs a new partner – pronto! Daisy’s rascal daddy comes to the rescue, covertly sending her a hunky widower as a candidate –

Buck, his personal penis pump salesman!

Against her best intentions, Daisy starts to fall for him, and they practice hard for the contest. When she heads to Dallas for the finals, he’s a no-show. She angrily ghosts him, but has no idea he’s been critically injured in a motorcycle accident.

Can Daisy win the contest AND the love lottery?

If you like the story, I would be happy to send you the screenplay. I think it is important to share hopeful stories of love in the third act of life.

Bio: I’m an optioned screenwriter with a script in development and I’ve lived the Love Dance.

Constance Barr
503-750-0304
mcb.connie@gmail.com
https://pro.imdb.com/constancebarr

https://www.linkedin.com/in/conniebarr
Connie Barr

Member
January 26, 2023 at 5:38 am in reply to: Lesson 11 Assignment

Connie’s Query Letter Draft ONE

What I learned doing this exercise is… to keep honing the query to make it irresistible.

Dear <Producer>,

Given your success with <Shall We Dance>, I thought you might have an interest in my Rom-Com entitled Love Dance.

Feisty divorcee, Daisy Duncan has sworn off men forever!

She’s obsessed with winning the over-50 National Dance Contest, but needs a new partner – pronto! Daisy’s whacky old daddy comes to the rescue, and sends her a hunky candidate,

Buck, his personal penis pump salesman!

Against her best intentions, Daisy starts to fall for him, and they practice hard for the contest. When she heads to Dallas for the finals, he’s a no-show. She angrily ghosts him, but has no idea he’s been critically injured in a motorcycle accident.

Can Daisy ultimately win the contest AND the love lottery?

If you like the story, I would be happy to send you the screenplay. I think it is important to share hopeful stories of love in the third act of life.

Bio: I’m an optioned screenwriter with a script in development and I’ve lived the Love Dance.

Constance Barr
503-750-0304
mcb.connie@gmail.com
https://pro.imdb.com/constancebarr

https://www.linkedin.com/in/conniebarr
Connie Barr

Member
January 26, 2023 at 12:31 am in reply to: Lesson 10 Assignment

SU Power Players Assignment #10

Connie’s Target Market

What I learned by doing this exercise is.. this is a great refresher exercise to get back into the proactive marketing world as we did in the Master Class. It is especially timely because my Career Launch group is doing a 30-day marketing challenge starting next month. Plus, I’m glad my paid IMDB Pro account is not going wasted😊

Love Dance, a Rom-Com:

A dance-obsessed divorcee swears off men forever and is determined to win the National Over 50 Contest, but needs a new partner – pronto. Her wacky daddy covertly sends her a hunky candidate, possibly her ultimate prize, if his haunting past and commitment phobia or her stalker ex don’t ruin it.

Similar movies:

ü Shall We Dance

ü Strictly Ballroom

ü Finding your Feet

ü Magic Mike’s Last Dance

ü Our Souls at Night

ü Senior Moment

ü I’ll See You in My Dreams

ü It’s Complicated

ü Queen Bees

ü The Leisure Seeker

Potential Actors:

Female lead: Connie Britton, Diane Lane, Jennifer Garner

Male lead: Mads Mikkelsen, Josh Duhamel, Jason Bateman

Potential Producers to target (56):

· Simon Fields – Producer – Shall We Dance

· Tristram Miall – Producer – Strictly Ballroom

· Graham Begg – Executive Producer – Finding Your Feet

· Bob Benton – Executive Producer – Finding Your Feet

· Andrew Berg – Producer – Finding Your Feet

· Meg Leonard – Producer – Finding your Feet

· Nick Moorcroft – Producer – Finding your Feet

· John Sachs– Producer – Finding your Feet

· James Spring – Producer – Finding your Feet

· Charlotte Walls – Producer – Finding your Feet

· Reid Carolin – Producer – Dog & Magic Mike’s Last Dance

· Gregory Jacobs – Producer – Magic Mike XXL

· Peter Kiernan – Producer – Dog & Magic Mike’s Last Dance & Fatherhood

· Nick Wechsler – Producer – Dog & Magic Mike’s Last Dance & Fatherhood

· Finola Dwyer – Producer – Quartet & Their Finest & A Long Way Down & Our Souls at Night

· Robert Redford – Producer – Our Souls at Night

· Erin Simms- Producer – Our Souls at Night

· Gina G. Goff – Producer – Senior Moment

· Rebecca Green – Producer – I’ll See You in My Dreams

· Brett Haley – Director/Writer/Producer – I’ll See You in My Dreams

· Laura D. Smith – Producer – I’ll See You in My Dreams

· Nancy Meyers – Writer/Producer/Director – It’s Complicate & Something’s Gotta Give & The Holiday

· Fred Bernstein – Producer – Queen Bees

· Harrison Powell – Producer – Queen Bees

· Dominque Tilson– Producer – Queen Bees & Here Today

· Fabrizio Donvito – Producer – The Leisure Seeker

· Marty Eli Swartz– Assistant Director/Producer – The Leisure Seeker

· Steve Golin – Producer – In the Land of Women & Seeking a Friend for the End of the World & Girl Most Likely

· Steven M. Rales Golin – Producer – Seeking a Friend for the End of the World & The Grand Budapest Hotel

· Mark Roybal – Producer – Seeking a Friend for the End of the World & Like Crazy

· Joy Gorman Wettels – Producer – Seeking a Friend for the End of the World & The Meddler

· Jeff Levine – Producer – Pitch Perfect (1 & 2) & Search Party

· Shawn Levy – Producer – Rosaline

· Paula Weinstein – Producer – This is Where I leave You & How do you Know

· Jason Bateman – Producer – Your Place or Mine & Game Night

· John Davis – Producer – Game Night & A Little bit of Heaven

· John Fox – Producer – Game Night & Jungle Cruise

· James Garavente – Producer – Game Night & Life of Crime

· Broderick Johnson – Producer – Father Figures & Just a Gigolo

· Andrew A. Kosove– Producer – Father Figures & Just a Gigolo

· David Parfitt – Producer – Shakespeare in Love & Much Ado About Nothing

· Andrew Gunn – Producer – Freaky Friday, Bad Santas & Cruella & more

· Gina Matthews – Producer – What Women Want & Isn’t it Romantic

· Todd Garner – Producer – Isn’t it Romantic

· Grant Scharbo – Producer – Isn’t it Romantic

· Donna Arkoff Roth- Producer – 13 Going on 30 & Benny & Joon & Forces of Nature & Grosse Point Blank

· Lianne Halfon – Producer – Juno & Ghost World

· John Malkovich – Producer – Juno & The Wilde Wedding

· Mason Novick – Producer – Juno & Tully & 500 Days of Summer

· Marty Bowen – Producer – Someone I used to Know & Fatherhood & On the Come Up

· Wyck Godfrey – Producer – Somebody I Used to Know & On the Come Up & Happiest Season & Life Itself

· Nicholas Sparks – Writer/Producer/Talent Agent – Safe Haven & Dear John & The Best of Me & The Choice

· Lucy Kitada – Producer – Unpregnant & Am I Okay?

· Mila Kunis – Actress/Producer – Bad Moms & Forgetting Sarah Marshall & A Bad Mom’s Christmas

· David Hoberman – Producer – Shotgun Wedding

· Todd Lieberman – Producer – Shotgun Wedding
Connie Barr

Member
January 24, 2023 at 5:45 am in reply to: lesson 9 Assignment

Connie’s Phone Pitch

What I learned by doing this lesson is…the idea of doing actual phone pitchs is rather unnerving, but being this prepared might make it doable.

1. Credibility and great title strategies:

“Hi, I am Constance Barr, an optioned screenwriter. I have a Rom-Com entitled Love Dance.”

2. Phone pitch script:

“May I share a quick pitch with you?” “Great, thanks.”

Feisty divorcee, Daisy Duncan has sworn off men forever.

She’s obsessed with winning the over-50 National Ballroom Dance Contest, but she needs a new partner – pronto! Daisy’s whacky old daddy comes to the rescue, and sends her a hunky candidate.

Buck, his personal penis pump salesman!

Against all odds, Daisy starts to fall for him, and they practice hard for the contest. But when she heads to Dallas for the finals, he’s a no-show. Unknown to her, he’s been critically injured, so she angrily ghosts him!

Can Daisy win the contest AND the love lottery?

3. Answers to potential questions:

Budget Range= $1-5 million

Main roles= Female protagonist – Connie Britton or Diane Lane

Male lead – Jason Bateman or Mads Mikklesen

Page count= 109

Who has seen this? = No other producers, fellow writers who have provided feedback.

Why does this fit your company? The comedy, Finding Your Feet that your company produced has a similar vibe.

How does the movie end? = A surprise person helps Daisy and Buck finally reconnect and overcome the past disputes. We see them dancing under the mistletoe at the library holiday party where he proposes. In the final scene they are dancing under the Eiffel Tower deliriously happy in each other’s arms.
Connie Barr

Member
January 22, 2023 at 10:32 pm in reply to: Lesson 8 Assignments

Connie’s Pitch Fest Pitch

What I learned from doing this exercise is… this is good preparation to pitch like a pro when the opportunity arises and to be able to anticipate the questions I may be asked. I had not done a formal 3 act breakdown, so that was useful too.

Hi I am Constance Barr, an optioned screenwriter with a project in development

I have a Rom-Com entitled… Love Dance

Dance-obsessed divorcee, Daisy is determined to win the Over 50 National contest.

And she’s sworn off men forever! That is until her rascal daddy sends her a hunky new partner… Buck, his personal penis pump salesman!

This is a low-budget feature in the $500k to $5 million range.

The lead role would be great for Connie Britton or Diane Lane. Her love interest might be Mads Mikkelsen or Jason Bateman.

Act 1

Daisy Duncan, head librarian at, 50s divorcee is obsessed with dance and winning the National over 50 contest. Plagued by her philandering stalker ex who’s determined to win her back, and after an abundance of horrid dates, she’s sworn off men forever. When her longtime partner is transferred, she needs a new one PDQ. So her whacky dad makes a deal to send her a hunky replacement…,

Buck, his personal penis pump salesman!

Act 2

Daisy strives to keep things with Buck “strictly business” but his cowboy charm, skill on the dance floor, quirky humor, plus his shadowy past and mysterious vocation are intriguing. He also tries to resist the attraction but when they win the local contest, the attraction amplifies. More complications when a much younger guy pursues Daisy and a city examiner tries to get her demoted or fired.

Act 3

Buck and Daisy finally hook up. He reveals his special profession and she enjoys the benefit of his wares. But guilt from his past causes him to split. Buck is seriously injured in a motorcycle accident and misses the Nationals in Dallas. He tries to explain but Daisy ghosts him.

In the end, we find Daisy and Buck against all obstacles, finally reunited dancing under the mistletoe at the library holiday party where he proposes. In the final scene they are dancing under the Eiffel Tower deliriously happy in each other’s arms.
Connie Barr

Member
January 19, 2023 at 2:28 am in reply to: Lesson 7 Assignments

SU Power Players Class Assignment #7

What I learned from doing this exercise is…another opportunity for me to be succinct rather than verbose, as is my normal tendency. The guidelines make so much sense to really grab the attention of the reader, gatekeeper, producer, or whomever???

Opening Hook: The universe has a different plan for a feisty divorcee who has sworn off men forever.

Synopsis: For Daisy, a gal obsessed with winning the over 50 national ballroom dance contest, losing her partner is problematic, but whacky old daddy to the rescue. He covertly sends Buck, a hunky replacement… his personal penis pump salesman!

In addition to dad, Daisy is surrounded by crazy dudes who complicate her life:

Ø Her ardent ex-husband, a former MI6 operative & disguise expert

Ø A love-sick guy half her age relentlessly pursuing her

Ø A sneaky auditor determined to get her fired or demoted

Her Lesbian daughter’s dream wedding in Canada turns into a nightmare as the family is all arrested at the border when daddy’s drug collection is discovered.

She hates to do it, but Daisy calls Buck for help. He has customers up north, too, calls in a favor, and gets the gang released.

Guess who’s injured in an accident causing him to miss the critical contest finals, infuriating Daisy? Yep, and he can’t even explain because she’s ghosted him.

Fast forward to daddy’s demise which reconnects Daisy and Buck. The electricity still present.

Daisy didn’t win the contest, instead, she won the love lottery!

Request: If you like Rom-Com, Love Dance, I would be happy to send it to you.

Bio: Constance has another comedy optioned with a London-based producer which is in development. She has studied screenwriting for several years predominantly with ScreenwritingU where she obtained a Master certification in 2018.

Contact information: Constance Barr, 503-750-0304, mcb.connie@gmail.com, 4263 Woodside Circle, Lake Oswego, Or.97035
Connie Barr

Member
January 17, 2023 at 6:00 am in reply to: Lesson 6 Assignments

Connie’s Synopsis Hooks

What I learned by doing this exercise is…

Identifying the hooks then using them as the framework and then filling in the story makes sense and certainly strengthens the overall pitch. The examples of Zombieland were good.

Title: Love Dance

Written by Constance Barr

Genre: Rom-Com

Comps: Shall We Dance meets Strictly Ballroom.

The universe has a different plan for a feisty divorcee who has sworn off men forever.

For Daisy, a gal obsessed with winning the over 50 national ballroom dance contest, losing her partner is devastating, but whacky old daddy to the rescue. He covertly sends Buck, a hunky replacement… his own personal penis pump salesman!

In addition to dad, Daisy is surrounded by crazy dudes who complicate her life:

Ø Her ardent ex-husband, a former MI6 operative & disguise expert

Ø A love-sick guy half her age relentlessly pursuing her

Ø A sneaky auditor determined to get her fired or demoted

Her Lesbian daughter’s dream wedding in Canada turns into a nightmare as the family is all arrested at the border when daddy’s drug collection is discovered.

She hates to, but Daisy calls Buck for help.

He has customers up north, too, calls in a favor, and gets the gang released.

Guess who is injured in a motorcycle accident causing him to miss the critical contest finals, infuriating Daisy? Yep, and he can’t even explain because she’s ghosted him.

Fast forward to daddy’s demise which causes Daisy and Buck to cross paths.

Does their dance of love get moving again and create a happily ever after?
Connie Barr

Member
January 15, 2023 at 1:41 am in reply to: Lesson 5 Assignment

Connie’s High Concept & Elevator pitch for Love Dance

“What I learned doing this assignment is…?”

This exercise was definitely challenging. I love the examples provided that distilled familiar films down to a brief and dynamic sentence. I came up with several possible high-concept sentences, and picked the best to post, but I definitely have not nailed it yet. I like the notion of using a high-concept sentence in the elevator pitch. I’ll hope for the opportunity to travel up or down several floors to have more time for that one😊

My elevator pitch for Love Dance:

“I just finished polishing a story that answers the provocative question…

When you’ve given up on love, how can you focus on winning the over 50 National dance contest and not fall for your hunky new partner, your crazy dad’s penis pump salesman?”

My High Concept for Love Dance:

When you’ve given up on love, how can you focus on winning the over 50 National dance contest and not fall for your hunky new partner, your crazy dad’s penis pump salesman?
Connie Barr

Member
January 12, 2023 at 4:55 am in reply to: Lesson 4 Assignment

Connie’s 10 Most Interesting Things

What I learned doing this exercise… Viewing the story from a potential producer’s standpoint was an eye-opening perspective. And, I identified a couple of areas to ramp up and make even more interesting. I was amazed that I came up with 16 interesting aspects and likely could have found more given more time.

A. Most unique about the villain & the hero:

1. The bizarre former career of Daisy’s ex (MI6 disguise expert

2. Daisy’s obsession and drive to win the National over 50 competition

B. Major hook of your opening scene:

1. Daisy dances with her dog but drops him when shocked by a Peeping Tom at her window who ends up being her ex, Randall in disguise

C. Any turning points?

1. Daisy loves her dad but is livid with him on the trip back from Canada

D. Emotional dilemmas?

1. Buck’s dilemma to continue beating himself up with guilt over his part in the death of his wife or move on and allow his love for Daisy to blossom

E. Major twists?

1. Buck’s strange occupation as a penis pump salesman & Frank’s supplier, with whom he brokers a deal

F. Reversals?

1. Surprisingly Daisy settles for dating Michael after all the failures with guys her own age, but it too goes badly

G. Character betrayals?

1. Daisy’s daddy, Frank gets the wedding party all arrested with his drug stash at the Canadian border

H. Or any big surprises?

1. The beautiful romantic ending at the iconic Eiffel Tower where Daisy & Buck dance together and her diamond ring glistens in the light

2. Daisy does not win Nationals but in the end, she gets an even bigger prize, true love!
Connie Barr

Member
January 8, 2023 at 1:44 am in reply to: Lesson 3 Assignment

Connie’s Producer/Manager meeting

Presenting myself and my project to the Producer:

Given your success with Rom-Coms, I think you’ll enjoy Love Dance, a mature love story set in the world of dance competitions. It has a similar vibe to Shall We Dance which grossed over $170 million worldwide with a budget of $50 million. I estimate the budget for Love Dance to be substantially less, more in the neighborhood of $10 to $25 million. The British film, Strictly Ballroom is another comp with a modest budget of $3 million which grossed nearly $12 million.

While the main characters in Love Dance are in their 50’s, the audience is broader than that age category. The comedic nature of dating, sex, and colorful characters would appeal to younger adults and even teens. I can picture Jennifer Anniston or Connie Britton in the lead role of Daisy, a dance-obsessed divorcee who has given up on love, substituting a big win in the national dance competition as her goal.

The logline is…On the brink of the over 50 national competition, a dance-obsessed librarian loses her partner, so her meddling daddy covertly sends a replacement, her polar opposite and maybe her ultimate prize, if his provocative vocation and her ardent ex don’t ruin everything.

Love Dance is a unique story the equivalent of which we have not yet seen. I’d be happy to send the screenplay to you.

Presenting myself and my project to the Manager:

I have been studying screenwriting for over a decade and have written 12 scripts, my forte is comedies featuring strong female protagonists. I currently have a script optioned with a London-based producer. He and I have just concluded a rewrite to make the script more marketable. I also have a trilogy of mid-grade novels ready to publish. I have had a lifetime love affair with words. I had representation for a couple of years but it was not a good fit. I am eager to form a new partnership with the right manager.

The project I am promoting now is a Rom-Com entitled Love Dance which features a feisty 50-year-old divorcee who has been disappointed with dating and love in general, substituting her passion for dance and dream of winning the national competition.
Connie Barr

Member
January 7, 2023 at 11:05 pm in reply to: Lesson 2 Assignments

Power Players Class Assignment #2 1/6/23

Connie’s Marketable Components

Love Dance: On the brink of the over 50 national competition, a dance-obsessed librarian loses her partner, so her meddling daddy covertly sends a replacement, her polar opposite and maybe her ultimate prize, if his provocative vocation and her ardent ex don’t ruin everything.

A. Unique – I like to
think so. Mature love stories are few and far between and I am not aware
of any that also include dance competitions.
B. Great Title– It
speaks to the “dance” of the love journey and the protagonist’s love of
dance.
C. True. – N/A
D. Timely — connected to some
major trend or event. – N/A
E. It’s a first. – N/A
F. Ultimate. – N/A
G. Wide audience appeal.-
Yes, it would certainly appeal to a mature audience , but because it is a
comedy and contains sex, it would also appeal to middle-age and teen
demographics.
H. Adapted from a popular book.
– N/A
I. Similarity to a
box-office success.- Shall we Dance? Or Finding Your Feet
J. A great role for a
bankable actor. – The feisty female protagonist would be a draw to a
talent like Jennifer Anniston or Connie Britton and the male lead, Jason
Bateman

With regard to having a great role for a bankable actor, sharing more about the protagonist journey in the pitch could be advantageous to selling the project. Daisy has experienced so many dating disappointments that she has given up on love and instead has focused entirely on her dream of winning the national dance contest to bring some joy to her life. But, when she least expects it, true love finds her. Unfortunately, she has built a protective wall around herself and won’t let him in.

What I learned doing this assignment:

To dig deeper identifying more appealing aspects to enhance the pitch and sell the story.
Connie Barr

Member
January 6, 2023 at 11:59 pm in reply to: Introduce Yourself To the Group

1. Constance Barr

2.12 scripts, one of which is optioned. The producer and I are finishing up a rewrite and will market it after Sundance.

3. My hope is that I will improve my marketing skills, learn new techniques, and get motivated to promote my work more diligently.

4. I started taking classes with Hal and Cheryl over a decade ago. Having come to the game later in life, I say, I want at least one of my screenplays to come alive on the big screen before I take a dirt nap! Maybe I’ll be the granny with a walker on the red carpet:)
Connie Barr

Member
January 6, 2023 at 11:43 pm in reply to: Confidentiality Agreement

I, Constance Barr, agree to the terms of this release form.
Connie Barr

Member
January 5, 2023 at 2:27 am in reply to: Lesson 1 Assignments

Connie Barr, Producers

1. Rom-Com, Love Dance, On the brink of Nationals, a dance-obsessed librarian loses her partner, so her meddling daddy covertly sends a replacement, her polar opposite and maybe her ultimate prize, if his provocative occupation and her ardent ex don’t ruin everything.

2. The main characters are in their 50s and we don’t see many Rom-Coms featuring more mature folks navigating the dating world. Amateur dancers in this age group competing on a national level is also a rarity and affords several cinematic opportunities.

3. My target during this course is producers. I am not currently in the market for a manager. I had one for a couple of years which did nothing to further my career. I have no specific actors in mind who have their own production companies. Perhaps I will target this avenue down the road.

4. What I learned today is to keep an open mind about entities to potentially target to get my projects sold or optioned.
Connie Barr

Member
November 28, 2021 at 4:26 am in reply to: Day 3 Assignment

Creative
Mastery Lesson 3 assignment

Connie’s
Profiles of People

What
I learned from this exercise that will improve my writing is viewing
character traits from this perspective will help me create richer,
more layered characters going forward and ramp up the interest in
existing characters I have already crafted.

Person
#1

Super
sensitive

Self-centered,
but pretends to be other -focused

Emotionally
damaged from childhood abuse and has never moved past it.

Afraid,
but presents a confident demeanor to the world

Person
#2

Arrogant

Controlling

Relentless

Devoted
to self-improvement

Person
#3

Bossy

Crazy
Stubborn

Creative
in a very controlled manner

Thoughtful,
kind and loving
Connie Barr

Member
November 27, 2021 at 9:47 pm in reply to: Day 2 Assignment

Creative
Mastery Lesson 2 assignment

Constance
Barr Puts Essence to Work

What
I learned is that this is a powerful skill to add to my writer’s tool
box. I love the idea of being clear about the essence as I am writing
rather than going back after to make certain I have captured the
essence and expressed it well.

Script
I choose: Love Dance

Scene
1 Location: A park bench outside the library where she
works.
Logline:In the opening scene we meet Daisy Duncan as
she eats her lunch while reading a book, the title of which tells us
a lot about her. A homeless guy runs off with her lunch and she gives
chase yelling at him.
Essence I’ve discovered:This
introduction shows her feisty nature but does not show how obsessed
with dance Daisy is.
New Logline: In Daisy’s immaculate
home living room, she reads a book, the title of which tells us she
desires love despite being in her 50’s, as old time rock and roll
music plays. When a super upbeat number comes on, she grabs her
dog, Elvis into her arms and expertly dances with him.

Scene
2 Location: Murphy’s Chinese restaurant
Logline: Having
escaped yet another crappy blind date, Daisy commiserates on her cell
with her sister, PT.
Essence I’ve discovered:This scene’s
function is to show how discouraged Daisy is about her search for
true love.
New Logline: Daisy speaks to her BFF, thanking
her for calling to rescue her from yet another crappy blind date and
sharing her frustration with the impossible task of finding her
soulmate. Her pal urges her to not give up on her quest.

Scene
3 Location: Buck’s back yard
Logline: Daisy’s ultimate
love interest, Buck prunes a tree when he spots a painted rock in his
yard which brings back memories of his dead wife
Essence I’ve
discovered: This scene is intended to show Buck is still deeply
wounded by the loss of his wife several months or years later.
New
Logline: Buck digs around a dying tree, unearthing a painted rock
which his wife placed by the seedling before her passing. This brings
up painful memories for Buck as he slides to the ground overcome by a
happy flashback of his wife. He laughs through his tears.

Scene
4 Location: Split screen/PT-
Collage/ Daisy – Library
Logline: PT
encourages her sister after the death of a former colleague pulls her
into a depressed funk about her own future.
Essence I’ve
discovered: This scene would be
stronger between Daisy and her BFF and in a different location rather
than a split screen view. PT is not the most positive character and
she would not be the one to help Daisy out of her depression.
New
Logline: While in the gym
locker room before yoga class, Daisy and her pal discuss Daisy’s
situation and crushed dream of finding love before her life is over.

Scene
5 Location: Downtown Portland
Farmer’s Market
Logline:
Buck and his best bud, Ernie
park their motorcycles and converse about Buck’s reluctance to try
dating but Ernie encourages him as they head to the Farmers Market.

Essence I’ve discovered: This
scene shows again that Buck is too wounded to seek love again. I see
that it might be over egging the pudding so to speak and could be a
great opportunity for Buck and Daisy to pass one another and
experience some electricity of attraction.
New Logline:
As Buck and his best bud,
Ernie park their motorcycles
and head to the Farmers Market, they pass by Daisy and PT. The
electricity between Buck and Daisy is palpable. She drops her produce
purchase and he picks it up for her.
Connie Barr

Member
November 18, 2021 at 6:45 am in reply to: Day 1 Assignment

Constance Barr Finds the Essence

What I learned from doing this exercise
is the importance of identifying the purpose of each scene.

Script I chose is not necessarily the
most profound film I’ve ever seen, but is one that has a strong
message about love and it is a comedy, which I enjoy and am
specializing in… Something’s Gotta Give

Scene
1 Location: A CHIC EATERY – DOWNTOWN

Logline: Confident
Harry Langer swaggers into a packed restaurant with a young slinky
girl on his arm. When he gives his name to the Maitre’d, they are
instantly shown to his reserved table as they pass a variety of
couples, Harry’s V.O.s address his philosophy about marriage, aging,
his life, and his good looks

Essence: This scene
sets the stage for one of the film’s themes about age appropriate
pairings of couples.

Scene
2 Location: INT. ERICA’S DINING ROOM – THAT NIGHT

Logline: As they
dine at Erica’s beach house, Harry, Erica, her daughter, Marin (who
is dating Harry, a man twice her age), and Erica’s sister, Zoe (a
Women’s Studies professor and ardent feminist) get acquainted. Harry
is quite outspoken about his skill at avoiding marriage all his life.

Essence: This
lengthy scene sets up ageist issues and establishes the typical
ROM-COM animosity between the future couple.

Scene
3 Location: INT. MARIN’S ROOM – ANGLE – THE DOOR

Logline:After
hearing Marin scream, Zoe and Erica burst into the guest bedroom
where they find Harry on the floor clutching his chest in the throws
of a heart attack. Erica takes control ordering Marin to call 911 and
gives him mouth to mouth resuscitation despite his resistance.

Essence: This
inciting incident scene creates more animosity between Erica and
Harry.

Scene
4 Location: SOUTHAMPTON HOSPITAL

Logline: In the ER,
we meet hunky Dr. Julian Mercer who attends to Harry and quizs him on
all the drugs he takes which could adversely impact the IV he is
given. Specifically he asks about Viagra which Harry denies taking it
or even needing, but when the Dr. says if he did it could be a fatal
combo with the IV meds, Harry rips the IV from his arm as Marin
enters the room.

Essence:This scene
shows Harry’s vulnerabilities and that he is not the stud muffin he
would have the world believe.

Scene
5 Location: INT. CHIC EATERY – NYC – A HOT AUGUST NIGHT

Logline:Back to the
restaurant where the story opened where Harry tells the maitre’d his
name and “party of four and a half”, then leads the pack of
Erica, Marin, her husband, Danny and their baby girl, who Harry then
proudly parades around the room.

Essence:This final
scene of the film shows the complete transformation Harry has made to
being a very married family man and proud of it.

My selection for
the most profound essence is scene #5 because it clearly shows how
dramatically Harry has altered and expanded his life and how joyful
he is.

INT. CHIC EATERY –
NYC – A HOT AUGUST NIGHT The same restaurant from the first scene of
the film – One Year Later. Harry ENTERS FRAME, just like he did
before. ” HARRY Langer, party of four.. .and a half. The
Maitre’D snaps to attention and leads Harry, Erica, Marin, holding
her Baby Girl, and her husband Danny through the crowded restaurant.
The Baby fusses and reaches out to Harry who takes her in his arms
and proudly parades her through this swanky crowd to a round table in
the center of the room. Harry beams at the prize in his arms as he
sits with his family for a Sunday dinner.

FADE OUT:

The essence of the
above scene is that a person can truly change in a fundamental way.
And,
I believe it is the most profound because it so beautifully shows
Harry’s metamorphosis from an arrogant self-absorbed single to a
loving family man.
Connie Barr

Member
November 15, 2021 at 4:21 pm in reply to: Introduce Yourself To the Group
1. Name? Constance (Connie) Barr

2. How many scripts you’ve written? 13 (6 shorts and 7 features)

3. What you hope to get out of the class? Increase my rewrite skills to put a final polish on my 3 strongest projects to seek representation. I had a manager for a couple of years but it was not a good fit, so I did not resign with her. One of my screenplays is optioned with a producer in London and we are in development. All of my projects have strong female protagonists:)

4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? I have been a Buddhist practitioner for over 40 years.
- This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by Connie Barr.
Connie Barr

Member
November 15, 2021 at 4:16 pm in reply to: Confidentiality Agreement

I, Constance Barr, agree to the following:

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
Connie Barr

Member
April 15, 2021 at 9:40 pm in reply to: Subtext Mastery Lesson 3 Assignments

Constance Barr

Love Dance (Rom-Com)

Mastering Subtext Assignment #3 Character subtext

What I learned from doing this exercise is it clarified & added aspects to what I already had.

Subtext for Daisy Duncan

Character Surface: Daisy appears to be a confident, self-assured and capable woman. This is how nearly everyone perceives her. But to her BFF, Kate, and her sister, P.T, they know better.

Character Subtext: Under that confident façade, Daisy struggles with self-doubt and feeling not good enough and undeserving. She wants to have what her parents had in their marriage, a true partnership of soulmates.

How her subtext shows up in the story:

She tries a myriad of dates and venues to find her soulmate with disastrous results. Then she vows to stop trying but breaks her promise to herself and P.T. by sleeping with Buck. She keeps it a secret from all but Kate and really gives up when Buck leaves.

Subtext for Buck Wright

Character Surface: On the outside, Buck is an easy-going, fun-loving guy.

Character Subtext: But, underneath, similar to Daisy, he doesn’t believe he in entitled to another great love in his life. Since he was driving the car when the accident occurred that took her life.

How his subtext shows up in the story:

He has resisted getting involved in a serious relationship until he meets Daisy. After the first time they have dynamite sex, he gets scared and takes off leaving only a cursory note, “Sorry”.

Subtext for Frank Monroe

Character Surface: Most folks think Frank is a Casanova, ladies’ man, even at nearly 80 and a bit of a character.

Character Subtext: While he does have a great sense of humor and loves to have fun, he is also trying to compensate for the loss of his great love, Rose, his beloved wife and mother of his girls. He feels cheated that they did not have more time together before the cancer took her.

How his subtext shows up in the story:

He overcompensates for the loss of his wife, Rose, by having random sex with a host of ladies at YACC. He thinks of Rose often and kisses her photo.
Connie Barr

Member
April 12, 2021 at 5:37 am in reply to: Subtext Mastery Lesson 2 Assignments

Mastering Subtext class assignment #2 ENVIRONMENT SUBTEXT

What I learned from doing this assignment is…I love this aspect of subtext. I had never given this any thought before. The environment can truly set the visual stage for subtext.

Love Dance

Because both sisters (Daisy & PT) want the kind of loving partnership that their parents had, but neither feels deserving or capable of achieving it, environments that evoke childhood memories would show this.

The graveyard where Daisy’s mom is buried

* Daisy takes roses (her mom’s namesake & favorite flowers) to place on her gravesite. She talks to the photo image of her mom on the tombstone, revealing her feelings about finding true love & her issues around her self-worth.

Frank’s apt. at YACC

* Daisy looks longingly at photos of her dead mother & her parents dancing.

* Daisy brings Frank a photo of her parents as newlyweds she found when cleaning out a closet, which makes her melancholy reflecting on her own failed marriage.

* Frank shows her a photo of their childhood home with the family posing in front, again making Daisy long for a happier time and contemplating her lonely single life.

Also added opportunities that evoke memories of her mom for Daisy.

Kate and Daisy visit Gotta Love It Bakery during a stroll downtown Daisy reminisces about going there with her mom after dance practice.

A florist shop where Daisy buys herself flowers or her mom’s favorite flowers to adorn her gravesite.
Connie Barr

Member
April 11, 2021 at 5:45 am in reply to: Subtext Mastery Lesson 1 – Assignment

Mastering Subtext class assignment #1

What I learned from doing this assignment is… how critical subtext is to creating a multi-layered and engaging story for the audience.

Love Dance (Rom-Com)

Logline: A dance-obsessed librarian loses her dance partner right before the big competition, but her meddling daddy covertly sends a replacement, her polar opposite, and possibly her ultimate prize, if his dubious occupation, commitment phobia, and her crazy ex-husband don’t ruin it.

Surface: Daisy is cool and in control. She desperately wants to find true love but has given up after too many horrid dates with loser guys.

Major Twist: Initially, she barely tolerates Buck, as he is not alt all what she wants in a mate, but she ultimately falls for him and realizes his true character.

Deeper Meaning: Buck is a much better person than anyone Daisy dated or the cheater she married and he is far better than anyone recognized.

Plot Subtext:

In the opening scene, we see that Daisy is obsessed with dance and reveals her wish for a mate to her dog, Truman.

Daisy’s dad, Frank wants his girls to marry nice guys and pushes them to keep looking.

The series of outrageously bad dates drive Daisy to give up the search and swear off men with her sister P.T. as her witness.

Daisy adjusts to working with her new competitive dance partner, Buck, who flirts with her, but he is not her type at all, so she keeps it strictly professional, fighting off any nuance of attraction.

For all her outward confidence, she feels like a failure, sharing her self-doubt with her BFF, Kate who tries to convince her otherwise.

After one contest win, Daisy lets her guard down and sleeps with Buck, who leaves without a word, only a cryptic note, “Sorry”, which feeds her self-doubt and worth issues.

When an accident prevents Buck from showing up at the big dance competition, Daisy is enraged and again faces failure to achieve her long-time goal, plus more self-doubt.

A secret visit from a friend of Buck’s enlightens Daisy about Buck’s true hero character.

In the end, Daisy actually gets to experience the same kind of deep and supportive love her parents had, with her soul mate, Buck.
Connie Barr

Member
June 27, 2023 at 11:36 pm in reply to: Lesson 10

Hi Jacqueline,

I’d be happy to exchange with you. Where are you in the process?

I am implementing the changes I received from my 1st feedback swap and could be ready to exchange tomorrow, Wed.6/28.

Connie
Connie Barr

Member
June 27, 2023 at 5:00 am in reply to: Lesson 10

Thanks Melanie,

I am also mid-swap, so let’s exchange for round 2.

Cheers,

Connie
Connie Barr

Member
June 25, 2023 at 9:16 pm in reply to: Lesson 10

Hi Melanie,

I also have a rom-com and would be happy to exchange with you.

Connie
Connie Barr

Member
June 25, 2023 at 7:12 pm in reply to: Lesson 10

Hi David,

Is your Genre, Rom-Coms?

Connie
Connie Barr

Member
January 28, 2023 at 9:13 pm in reply to: Lesson 11 Assignment

Good aspects to consider. Thanks for sharing your insights.

Connie
Connie Barr

Member
January 28, 2023 at 9:10 pm in reply to: Lesson 11 Assignment

Thanks so much, Cassie. Great suggestions.

Connie
Connie Barr

Member
January 27, 2023 at 1:42 am in reply to: Lesson 11 Assignment

Thank you, Joy, You make some good points,

.Cheers,C onnie
Connie Barr

Member
January 27, 2023 at 1:36 am in reply to: Lesson 11 Assignment

Hello Joy,

What a compelling concept you have created! You have some great hooks. I would suggest a slightly different term for the facility where Cleo finds herself. A Care Home is generally for seniors (I worked in that industry for a few years). A psychiatric hospital or facility for the Mentally ill, Group Home. Perhaps a bit of Googling to find the best name. I love this line, “After all, it’s not like insanity is contagious! But instead of an easy return to her keyboard (and cat!)” I’m a bit confused about the title and what genre it is.

Good luck with advancing this fun story.

Connie
Connie Barr

Member
January 27, 2023 at 1:19 am in reply to: Lesson 11 Assignment

Hi Kathleen,

You have an intriguing story. Interesting approach to put your bio and personal experience at the beginning of the letter. I would suggest adding the protagonist’s name at the beginning of the first line. The second section is a very long sentence. I would break it up into two or three sentences and you could just use “she” if you mention her name in the first hook line.

Best of luck with your project.

Connie
Connie Barr

Member
January 26, 2023 at 6:07 am in reply to: Lesson 11 Assignment

Hi Michael,

Rom-Com is my favorite genre and I think you have conjured up a fabulous and unique concept. I like the title, too. I have a few suggestions. In the second line, I don’t think you need “of it”. The third line is a bit confusing. I would tighten it to “So, a friend hooks her up with the latest AI design, a robot that does it all, literally! (wink, wink)” Rather than repeating the word “doppelganger”, you might replace one with “human replica” or “human lookalike”. I think you need a “?” after “riding in” which is a great hooky sentence. You could add to “,,, you can’t force love, even with modern mechanics.” Just a thought. In your bio, I would clarify if the “consider” was for this project. Good job including several intriguing hooks. A producer should snap this up. It really sounds like fun!

Connie

Connie Barr

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