[Rita Roberts]

Rita’s Banter / Flirting / Expressions
What I learned doing this assignment:
The relationship of my couple is pretty lighthearted, the characters experience roadblocks and upsets but they are both likable and forgivable = easy banter although the story is a little more on Ariale’s transformation.
ASSIGNMENT:
1. Identify places in your script that you can build in banter, flirting, and expressions of love.
2. Write at least one scene for each and tell us how you built in banter, flirting, or expressions of love.

BANTER
————
EXT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Ariale sits at a sidewalk table, petting the dog.
Her new friend brings their drinks.
BEN
Soy chai for you and what do you know? A soy chai for me as well.
Ariale smiles, shy and curious.
BEN
And doggie treats for Mr. Chuck. Here, you give them to him to cement your friendship.
Chuck sits up, ready for any friend with a treat. One gulp and it's gone.
Ariale leans down to Chuck's face. Rubs his ears.
ARIALE
What a good boy.
Chuck licks her whole face and she lets him. Giggles.
Ben watches, pleased with her response.
BEN
And she doesn't mind a little dog slobber to top off her chai.
ARIALE
Thank you for being so nice. I'm sure I look like a total nut-job. I didn't even comb my hair this morning.
BEN
I trust Chuck's radar. He wasn't gonna budge without sniffing you. Kinda like a certain politician, this one.
Ariale shudders.
ARIALE
Except Chuck is much less creepy!
BEN
Thank goodness that didn't get your hackles up. We can move forward now without anyone throwing punches.
He tilts his head toward a pair of eavesdropping women at the next table. They leave in a huff.
ARIALE
Oh, you like to ruffle feathers by saying true stuff. I am so on board with that.
Their conversation flows just like a regular Saturday between friends.
Ben scans the tables.
BEN
Who else can we upset? It's always nice to have some privacy.
ARIALE
Leave it to me, I can clear a room, no problem.
Ben's eyes widen.
BEN
Do I dare ask for a demonstration?
ARIALE
Maybe on the second date.
She tries to take back her words.
ARIALE
I should go. Clearing the room as we speak.
BEN
I didn't mean you! Hold up!
She's already several paces down the sidewalk.
——————
*FLIRTING*
EXT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Ariale waits at the entrance. She waves at Ben as he crosses the street.
Another awkward cheek kiss.
ARIALE
Aw, no Chuck?
BEN
Sorry, it's just me. I can lick your face if you want.
(pulls his jacket up over his head)
That was so weird, I'm such a dork…
Ariale laughs.
ARIALE
I get it. I'm a bit nervous.
BEN
Um, yeah. Chuck is the charmer so we'll have to be grown ups now.
ARIALE
That might be a stretch. For me, I mean. I'm kind of a dreamer.
Ben opens the door for her.
BEN
Excellent conversation starter. Well done. I'm all ears.
——————
*LOVE*
EXT. BEACH – DAY
Ben hurls a stick into the waves.
Chuck lunges after it, even happier than usual.
Ariale keeps pace, splashing Ben with foamy surf.
BEN
Keep going, I mean if there's more.
ARIALE
I'm just wondering if I should do something for Gayle.
BEN
Definitely. Everybody can get past it now that the truth is out.
ARIALE
That's what Betty said. We're past it now.
BEN
Wait. If Dale isn't your dad… I got confused.
Ben's the one holding his head together while Ariale laughs.
ARIALE
Even Betty didn't know all the twists and turns.
BEN
You're handling this amazingly well.
ARIALE
It's all so ludicrous, how can I not laugh? My entire life was based on lies.
Ben looks in her eyes.
BEN
Until now.
ARIALE
Until now. This is the truth.
Chuck sneezes.
BEN
That's his seal of approval. But seriously, maybe you could draw me a flow chart in the sand, because I'm still not sure I get it.
Chuck brings his stick to Ariale and sits for the lesson.
(Scene continues with twisting family revelations.)

[Rita Roberts]

Rita’s Romance Emotions Part 2

What I learned doing this assignment:

– Many of these emotions were built in but focusing on them specifically helped me intensify the feelings in each scene.


ASSIGNMENT:

1. Look through your outline and find places you can build these emotions in scenes:

Betrayal — Ariale’s coworker, Gayle, displays several betrayals. At the library, she pretends to be an upset mom to get Ariale fired while also pretending to be Ariale’s ally. Then we find out the feud is much longer and deeper. Ariale’s mother was Gayle’s nemesis in high school plus there is something to do with infidelity and Ariale’s father’s death, plus Gayle’s daughter. A tangled web of deceit/betrayal is being unraveled, starting with Ariale’s dreams.

Anger — Still in the information that Ben isn’t actually divorced yet, they meet in sleep time. It’s their first meeting at Ariale’s Summerlands house… or is it Ben’s? She tries to position herself as the owner and he as an interloper, intruding on her beautiful beach house without invitation.

Passion — Ariale finally agrees to see Ben after she gets a new job. They almost kiss until a cyclist on the path nearly clips them. Ben’s cue to invite her to his house, for safety reasons.

Obsession — Ariale sneaks back to the beach to spy Ben’s house in the dark until Chuck senses her a starts barking. She has to run through the sand to not be caught as a weird stalker.

Love — After all the family secrets that were hinted at in her dreams, Ariale’s mother spills the details to reveal everything she learned in sleep was true. Unburdened of secrets, Ariale returns to Ben’s house and asks him to give her another chance as a more whole and balanced woman. They finally kiss, with Chuck’s approval. Ben carries Arial into the house.

• This reply was modified 8 months, 1 week ago by  Rita Roberts.

[Rita Roberts]

Rita’s Romance Emotions – Part 1

What I learned doing this assignment:

— Consciously focusing on each of these emotions in scenes where they are most appropriate really adds to depth of the characters’ interactions.

— I think I’ll need to go back later to make sure it isn’t overdone or clumsy.
===
ASSIGNMENT:

1. Look through your outline and find places you can build these emotions in scenes:

Attraction — Meet cute. It’s an awkward meeting with the woman in front of a palm reader’s shop. I added more dialog to add sort of a start/stop kind of meeting that goes wrong but with more potential for future “they’ll be together” vibes.

Desire — Second meeting. Brief. I added more reason for desire to make Ben ask her to coffee. She’s still scattered but in a short sundress. He’s still a random dude but she likes that he lets his dog’s judge of character override his hesitancy to act on his desire.

Yearning — at their next meeting, yearning definitely made these scenes more emotional and less like just annoying rom-com not getting together yet.

Doubt — meeting at a dive bar in their sleep, more doubt was added, creating depth and meaning to the scene.

Jealousy — there are other circumstances and feelings to cause conflicts in this story but not a great deal of need for jealousy between the two main characters. Jealousy is built into secrets the female protagonist discovers in her transformational journey. I added some jealousy in with the doubt scene.

[Rita Roberts]

Rita’s Comedy Situations

What I learned doing this assignment:

— Look for ways to take a scene that just has conflict and turn it into comedy. Then top it, repeatedly!

————

INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT

They finish the last bites of their meal.

ARIALE
So, as you can tell from all these dreams my subconscious is working overtime.
BEN
It's fascinating.
Ariale beams at him, chewing.
BEN
I haven't been dreaming much lately. To be honest…
He folds his napkin carefully.
Ariale chokes.
ARIALE
Uh oh, here it comes.
BEN
No, it's not bad.
BEN
Well, I hope you don't think so. I've just been in kind of a stressful transition.
ARIALE
Due to what?
BEN
Well, technically, I mean we just have to work out a few details.
ARIALE
You are married!
Ariale wipes her mouth and throws her napkin on her plate. She motions to the waiter.
BEN
Almost divorced, it's just not quite final yet.
ARIALE
Check please!
BEN
Don't go.
Ariale stands up to get the waiter's attention. No waiters but plenty of diners notice her.
The very young woman, maybe GIRL, at the next table dines with an older man. She shrinks in her chair as any student does when facing an angry teacher.
ARIALE
(to Girl)
And are you almost of age?
(to her date)
And are you almost ashamed of yourself?
The GIRL, pulls on her sweater to hide bare shoulders.
GIRL
Gross.
Ariale spies another target. A round waitress shovels desert into her face.
ARIALE
And I suppose you're almost pregnant, right?
WAITRESS
(mouth full)
Well, actually…
She swallows cake and turns to her boss.
WAITRESS
There's something I need to tell you.
BOSS looks back and forth to plan his fast exit.
BARTENDER slams down a bottle which somehow doesn't break.
BARTENDER
What?! I guess that also makes you almost gay!
A collective groan rolls through the restaurant.
The first Girl's mother returns from the bathroom. The father gathers his family to get out, quick.
BEN
Maybe we can talk about this outside.
BARTENDER
(to boss)
And we can talk about that raise.
ARIALE
If I could get a check, PLEASE!
Three workers run to their station to ring up the madwoman.
Ariale nearly strangles herself trying wrap her scarf around her neck.
BEN
Can we at least be friends? It'll just be another week or so.
ARIALE
I always pick 'em. Did you get that dog just to charm unsuspecting women?
BEN
Chuck has been with me for six years! My wife kind of hates him. Ex-wife. The feeling is mutual, actually.
ARIALE
I suppose you have kids too, which you conveniently forgot to mention. Never mind, I don't want to know.
ARIALE
(motions toward Boss)
Maybe you and this guy can be dead-beat-dad buddies.
Boss backs through kitchen doors.
Waitress bursts into tears.
BEN
Please, just let me walk you to your car.
Waiter finally arrives with the bill, baffled as to who gets it.
Arial snatches it and drops it in Ben's lap on her way to the exit.
ARIALE
I'm not paying for this. Not in any capacity.
He's stuck.
Restaurant erupts in applause.
Ariale turns and bows before bounding out.
Ben leaves his credit card on the table and runs after her.
BEN
(to diners)
I really am divorced. Almost.
Another groan of collective condemnation.
EXT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Ben bolts out the door to see Ariale drive off. She flips him the bird.
The waiter finds him, looking for a signature.
WAITER
Did you enjoy your meal?
BEN
Seriously?
WAITER
We're supposed to ask.

[Rita Roberts]

Rita’s Plot

What I learned doing this assignment:

— Fitting all these lists together felt quite convoluted and didn’t bring me greater understanding of my story.

— I need to focus a little more on Ben’s transformational journey.

DREAMTIME

1. Start with the structure.

Act 1:

Opening — Ariale meets Betty (She doesn’t yet know Betty is her deceased younger sister) in the Summerlands of the Spirit World

Her Initial state: Ariale is in a relationship with someone who doesn’t care about her dreams and desires. He doesn’t fully engage with who she is in general.

His Initial State: Ben is just a guy walking his dog, Chuck.

Inciting Incident — She meets her ex and her dead dad in the same hellish, Spirit World dive bar, which reveals their true characters.

Turning Point — Ariale impulsively goes to a palm reader. Sandra changes her whole view of everything, and…

Meet-Cute — The sudden vivid intensity and intrigue of her dreams causes Ariale to spontaneously stop at a palm reader’s shop to get answers. But the visit only creates more questions. On the sidewalk, she runs into Ben and his dog. She continues talking to herself, then also at Ben which is endearing but crazy. He keeps walking but his dog tugs on the leash toward Ariale.

HER: Ariale freaks out about being caught in front of a palm reader’s shop. She shoos Ben and his dog along.

HIM: Ben obliges but the dog likes her and he’s intrigued. She continues talking to herself then includes Ben, a random stranger, in her monologue which he finds endearing albeit a little crazy.

Act 2:

New plan —Ariale experiments with the lessons she’s received from Betty in her sleep, finds people to be more transparent and easy to spot their intentions than we are led to believe.

2. Attraction/Flirting — Ariale is trying to get back into the palm reader’s shop another day when Ben and his dog walk by again. Palm reader doesn’t open up. They hit it off with easy banter over tea.

HIM: Ben doesn’t trust his own judgment of character. He reluctantly invites Ariale to coffee because Chuck the dog won’t move on until he does.

HER initial challenge: Feeling the sting of recent rejection and the uneasy weirdness of dream experiences, she reluctantly agrees.

Plan in action — Ariale’s experiments show her intuition can be trusted but she doesn’t turn her new wisdom towards Gayle who is sabotaging Ariale’s job right under her nose. She does focus her new senses on Ben. They meet for dinner.

3. Denial — Ariale learns Ben isn’t technically single. He’s about to sign divorce papers but she thinks it’s a lie. She ditches him at the restaurant with no intention of ever seeing him again.

Midpoint Turning Point — Ariale discovers her mom’s affair with Mr Miller.

Act 3:

Rethink everything — She gets fired for talking about her dreams with kids at the library. Goes to the beach for a deserved day off.

4. Separation/Forced Together — where she runs into Ben again and discovers his house is exactly the house she saw in her dreams.

HER: Real life and dream life overlapping is too much to process so she runs away.

HIM: Disappointed but also relieved she left because he has no idea why she freaked out. Feels like he dodged a bullet… that he maybe wanted to get hit by.

New plan — Ariale decides to focus on getting herself together, focus on waking life. Find a new job and get her life sorted out, but she’s afraid to sleep so she goes back to Sandra, the Palm Reader for help.

HER Self-Reflection: More dreams give her further information which she experiments with in waking life.

HIS Self-Reflection: Ben has to deal with Chuck, causing problems because he wants to find Ariale and Ben has to admit that he wants the crazy lady back as well.

Turning Point: Major shift —Sandra’s Dream Chamber experience leads her to confront her mother to confirm everything she’s learned in sleep.

5. Working through Issues/Differences — Ariale must confront her mother about family secrets coming to the fore.

HER Acceptance and Growth: She’s not the problem! It’s the lies she’s lived in her whole life which has undermined her ability to find her true love.

HIS Acceptance and Growth: Ben must find the courage to try again, Ariale might be crazy but at least she’s honest about it and his dog likes her, unlike his ex-wife.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict — There’s even more! Ariale learns the entire web of family lies, including Gayle’s role in them and she had a half-sister! She’s already met Betty in her sleep. The clearing of lies clears the path for Ariale to start a healthy relationship with Ben

6. Hate/Betrayal/All Hope is Lost — The lies are deeper than we thought. Her dad isn’t her dad, she has a half sister, Gayle not only got her fired but was her dad’s mistress and she’s known her real father all these years but was never allowed to be his daughter.

HER: How can she invite anyone into this convoluted madness?

HIM: Sadly walks the beach alone. Chuck refuses to go with him in case Ariale returns.

7. SHE Demonstrates the change: Ariale accepts that her dream experiences have had more truth than her waking life. She takes the risk, returns to explain her behavior and apologize before she leaves him alone for good.

HE Demonstrates the Change: He can’t let her go, his dog wouldn’t let him anyway.

Resolution — She and Ben live in their “dream home” and the entire family is reconciled. Their son, Little Dale, is already acquainted with their spirit relatives. Even Gayle’s anger has been
healed with forgiveness all around. She is included since she is Betty’s mom.

7. Love Happens — Once all the lies are aired, new relationships can be formed. The whole family gets together at Ben and Ariale’s dream house, even the deceased relatives are invited and forgiven.

8. Reunion: The whole family gathers at their real life dream house for a picnic with everything out in the open and all forgiven.

HER: New confidence in understanding life, bringing everyone together, both alive and those who have passed on.

HIM: Ben has the whole picture, a complete family, and his dream girl.

[Rita Roberts]

Rita’s Her Journey / His Journey

What I learned doing this assignment:

— Ben might have to show just a little more reluctance to increase tension and cause an “all is lost” moment.

1. Create the individual Transformational Journey for each lead character.

Dreamtime

Ariale’s Journey

1. Initial state: Ariale is in a relationship with someone who doesn’t care about her dreams and desires. He doesn’t fully engage with who she is in general.

2. Meet-Cute moment: The sudden vivid intensity and intrigue of her dreams causes her to spontaneously stop at a palm reader’s shop to get answers. But it only causes her to have more questions. On the sidewalk, she runs into Ben and his dog. She continues talking to herself, then also at Ben which is endearing but crazy. He keeps walking but his dog tugs on the leash toward Ariale.

3. Initial challenges: Ariale has to give this new guy a chance, despite the fact that she feels like she’s going crazy and her mom’s continuous suspicious questions about every man Ariale dates.

4. Major conflict / Obstacle: Ariale finds out her mom was right. Ben is married!

5. Self-Reflection: More dreams give her further information which she experiments with in waking life.

6. Acceptance and Growth: After she’s fired she discovers Ben’s house is the dream house where they meet in sleep.

7. Demonstrate the change: Ariale confronts her mother to uncover all the lies that have guided her life. She discovers that her dream experiences had more truth than her waking life. She takes the risk that to see if Ben will still see her even though she’s acted so crazy. He can’t say no, his dog wouldn’t let him anyway.

8. Reunion: The whole family gathers at their real life dream house for a picnic with everything out in the open and all forgiven.

Ben’s Journey

1. Initial state: Ben is just a guy walking his dog, Chuck.

2. Meet-Cute moment: They encounter a woman talking to herself. He wants to hurry past but the dog likes her and Ben knows Chuck is a good judge of character.

3. Initial challenges: Ben and Chuck run into Ariale again. This time Ben musters the courage (or stupidity — she’s a little crazy and she’s in front of a palm reader’s shop) to invite her for tea. Chuck insists.

4. Major conflict / Obstacle: Ben has to admit that he’s currently married. Ariale runs out on their date before he can explain he’s about to finalize a divorce.

5. Self-Reflection: Ben doesn’t understand why Ariale keeps freaking out at the moment he thinks she might be the one. He doesn’t want another crazy woman like his ex-wife. But Chuck is all in for Ariale.

6. Acceptance and Growth: The continuous unplanned encounters with Ariale and Chuck’s approval of her makes Ben allow himself to stay open to giving it a try.

7. Demonstrate the change: When Ariale returns to explain her behavior and apologize before she leaves him alone for good, Ben can’t let her go.

8. Reunion: Ben has the whole picture, a complete family, and his dream girl.

[Rita Roberts]

Rita’s 7 Stages of Love

Dreamtime

What I learned doing this assignment:

— I have questions: The pieces are there but the betrayal might need to be elevated. My protagonist is betrayed by her family not by her love interest. Is that enough for the Rom-Com stages? Does it hinder the audience’s experience of falling in love or is that a relatable scenario?

The 7 Stages of Love:

1. Meet-Cute — Ariale and Ben run into each other outside a palm reader’s shop while Ariale is freaking out about being in front of a palm reader’s shop. She shoos Ben and his dog along.
Ben obliges but the dog likes her.

2. Attraction/Flirting — Ariale is trying to get back into the palm reader’s shop another day when Ben and his dog walk by again. Palm reader doesn’t open up. Ben reluctantly invites Ariale to coffee where they hit it off.

3. Denial — Ariale learns Ben isn’t technically single. He’s about to sign divorce papers but she thinks it’s a lie.

4. Separation/Forced Together — Ariale is fired for talking about her dreams (in which she meets with Ben where she learns from Betty that she and Ben built the house together because of their soul connection) so she goes to the beach, where she runs into Ben again and discovers the his house is exactly the house she saw in here dreams. But this is too much to process so she runs away.

5. Working through Issues/Differences — Ariale must confront her mother about family secrets coming to the fore.
Ben must find the courage to try again, Ariale might be crazy but at least she’s honest about it and his dog likes her, unlike his ex-wife.

6. Hate/Betrayal/All Hope is Lost — The lies are deeper than we thought. Her dad isn’t her dad, she has a half sister, Gayle not only got her fired but was her dad’s mistress and she’s known her real father all these years but was never allowed to be his daughter.

7. Love Happens — Once all the lies are aired, new relationships can be formed. The whole family gets together at Ben and Ariale’s dream house, even the deceased relatives are invited and forgiven.

[Rita Roberts]

Rita’s Bigger Story

What I learned doing this assignment:

— There are layers and intrigue built into my story.

— A list of the incidents isn’t nearly as interesting as they are in the context of story.

— If you don’t have connection with the characters, the events are dulled, no matter how intriguing.

A. What interesting world could this movie/show be set in?

Dreamtime/Spiritworld and waking world

B. What major conflict could be happening?

Ariale doesn’t trust Ben and Ben is afraid he’s got another nut job he can’t trust.

C. What intriguing situation could these characters be engaged in?

Ariale and Ben meet up while they sleep at a house that is jointly theirs which they built together in the spirit world. They are able to work out their real world relationship, family issues and fall in love as soulmates, gaining wisdom while they sleep.

2. Turn that bigger story into a 3-Act or 4-Act structure.

Act 1:
Opening — Ariale meets Betty (She doesn’t yet know Betty is her deceased younger sister) in the Summerlands of the Spirit World.

Inciting Incident — She meets her ex and her dead dad in the same hellish, Spirit World dive bar, which reveals their true characters.

Turning Point — Ariale impulsively goes to a palm reader. Sandra changes her whole view of everything.

Act 2:
New plan —Ariale experiments with the lessons she’s received from Betty in her sleep, finds people to be more transparent and easy to spot their intentions than we are led to believe.

Plan in action — But she doesn’t turn her new wisdom towards Gayle who is sabotaging Ariale’s job right under her nose. And she goes out with Ben to discover he’s actually married (not waiting to find out the divorce is almost final).

Midpoint Turning Point — Ariale discovers her mom’s affair with Mr Miller.

Act 3:
Rethink everything — She gets fired. Goes to the beach for a deserved day off.

New plan —She searches out Ben and finds that his real world house IS the house she’s met him in while sleeping!

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift —Sandra’s Dream Chamber experience leads Ariale to confront her mother to confirm everything she’s learned in sleep.

Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict — Ariale learns the entire web of family lies, including Gayle’s role in them and she had a half-sister! She’s already met Betty in her sleep. The clearing of lies clears the path for Ariale to start a healthy relationship with Ben

Resolution — She and Ben live in their “dream home” and the entire family is reconciled. Their son, Little Dale, is already acquainted with their spirit relatives. Even Gayle’s anger has been healed with forgiveness all around. She is included since she is Betty’s mom.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  Rita Roberts.

[Rita Roberts]

Rita’s Rom Com Project

What I learned doing this assignment:

– I’m thinking about the audience experience/emotions as they watch = discomfort, longing, sorrow, hope, outrage, uncertainty, and ultimately love. FEELINGS! as a means of letting the audience experience falling in love again.

– More about my characters by making these lists.

1. Starting with your concept and conventions, fill in as many blanks as you can for each of your lead characters.
Who is She?
Ariale is a dreamer. A free-spirited librarian with an open mind who longs for a man who will join her in exploring the fun of life.

Who is He?
Ben is friendly man with time on his hands who is getting out of a difficult marriage. After poor choices, he now lets his lovable dog judge the character of people he meets.

What makes them lovable?

Ariale — she’s curious, pure-hearted, honest, loves children.
Ben — He’s kind, available, open to hearing Ariale’s dreams. He talks to and listens to his dog.

What attracts them to each other?

They both maintain a certain innocence even though they’ve not had good relationship experiences.

What needs does each fulfill for the other?

Ariale provides a curious sense of adventure mixed with integrity which requires trust, unlike the unhappy chaos his ex-wife caused.

Ben gives Ariale everything she thought her dad was, stable, loyal, honest. And they’re interested in the same things, proven by the home their spirits have unknowingly built together in their sleep!

[Rita Roberts]

Rita’s Rom Com Project

What I learned doing this assignment:


– A first draft written in 10 days has really good bones as I apply RomCom concepts and conventions to the content I already have.


– These are the conventions to use to elevate the concept and focus on as I improve this script.

DREAMTIME

Two People Who Belong Together:

Arielle and Ben are so connected, their cute meet happens in their dreams.

How Are They Separated:

They haven’t met in real life.

What Forces Them together:

Arielle gets dumped by a boyfriend who won’t listen to her dreams, then fired for speaking about her dreams at work so she has time to go to the beach where she meets the man of her dreams, literally.

Issues to be Resolved:

Ben must get fully divorced.

Arielle must trust her intuition, trust that Ben isn’t just another lying jerk and resolve many family secrets.

On Their Journey of Love:

Arielle uncovers the truth about her life and finally brings everyone she cares about together by literally following her dreams. No wonder she was attracted to liars.

2. Then fill in the blanks to create your conventions. Even though some of these are the same, it is worth looking at them in the context of the conventions.

Experience of Falling In Love:

Arielle spontaneously ducks into a fortuneteller’s office to discover a “Dream Chamber” and bumps into her soulmate when she leaves.

The Journey of Love:

Arielle must reconcile many family secrets and trust that Ben is telling the truth about getting divorced.

Relationship Set-up:

A random meeting after a breakup. Instant attraction but many uncertainties.

Issues each must Resolve:

Arielle must trust her own intuition even though she’s had a lifetime of having to believe lies.

Ben must trust that this woman who is acting a little crazy while she reconciles her own issues isn’t actually crazy like his ex-wife.

Separation:

Circumstances are too hard to believe — nobody makes life decisions based on what happens in their dream time! That’s just crazy.

How will Comedy be Expressed:

Arielle’s dream guide/young sister has greater wisdom and maturity than all the adults.

Arielle’s attempts to gain validation in waking life of the experiences she has in sleep don’t go well.

All of it leading to discovering her mom’s affair with her real father which has been kept secret for decades to “protect” her in a comedic climax.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  Rita Roberts.
• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  Rita Roberts.

[Rita Roberts]

Rita Roberts

I have written 4 feature length scripts.

I plan to use the lessons of this class to polish 2 Romantic Comedies which were written very quickly, one in the 30 day class last year.

Something unique — I was just featured as a guest artist on Expanding Reality podcast. Check it out!

https://youtu.be/HS8epYF-ddY?si=Shwi6NIJ1p2nQFkY

[Rita Roberts]

I agree to the terms of the confidentiality agreement.
Rita Roberts

[Rita Roberts]

Rita’s Query Letter Draft 2

What I learned:

Peter helped me locate where I could up the stakes/hooks in the query. I’m not sure if this is the right amount of detail to go along with the increased tension or if it also increases confusion.

And does my protagonist become unlikable in this version?

NOTE: I’d also really love feedback on the title.

—–

BLUE MOON PAINTERS

Romantic Comedy

True love only comes once in a blue moon… after you fake your way into a business you know nothing about.

When Dawn meets Tom, a handsome contractor, she pretends to own a painting company to get his number.

Then she signs a contract to finish one of his projects.

The only problem is that she’s actually a psychology professor who just lectured her class about authenticity. Now she has to gather up some workers and get the job done.

Where else to find a paint crew but by plucking random losers from a parking lot?

They arrive on the job to find out it’s the dean of faculty’s address! Now Dawn has to pretend she’s NOT a painting contractor but covers her lie by claiming she’s the head of a community outreach program to help disadvantaged youth.

Never mind that her crew is mostly middle-aged.

While Dawn uses her psychology skills to keep everyone on track, her colorful crew finds their groove and just might pull this off. Plus, Tom finally asks her out to dinner.

But she can’t juggle the lies much longer. What if Tom finds out the truth? And what if the Dean finds out she lied?

If she comes clean, will she end up alone, fired from both her fake and her real job?

Or maybe she can find a way to have it all

If you like this concept, I’ll be happy to send you the script.

Sincerely,

Rita Doyle Roberts

BIO: Rita Roberts is a professional artist who inherited a painting company and had to bluff her way through commercial contracts as the lead on construction sites. Blue Moon Bay Painting is now a successful business… and a great way to get dates.

[Rita Roberts]

Rita’s Query Letter Draft One

Note: Feel free to respond here with feedback or email me at the address below. I’ll reciprocate with a critique exchange. The more the better for experiential learning!

BLUE MOON

Romantic Comedy

True love only comes once in a Blue Moon… after you fake your way into owning a business you know nothing about.

When Dawn meets a handsome contractor she pretends to own a painting company and signs a contract to finish one of his projects.

The only problem is that she’s actually a psychology professor who just lectured her class about authenticity so now she has to gather up some workers and get the job done.

Where else to find a paint crew but by plucking random losers from a parking lot?

After a few disastrous mishaps, Dawn and her colorful crew find their groove and they just might pull it off!

PLUS the contractor asked her out to dinner… but what if he finds out she lied? Does Dawn come clean or keep up the charade?

Either way, she loses at love… unless she finds a way to have it all.

If you like this concept, I’ll be happy to send you the script.

Sincerely,

Rita Doyle Roberts

BIO: Rita Roberts is a professional artist who inherited a painting company and had to bluff her way through commercial contracts as the lead on construction sites. Blue Moon Bay Painting is now a successful business… and a great way to get dates.

rita@ritaroberts.com
[Other Contact info]

[Rita Roberts]

Rita’s Phone Pitch

What I learned from this lesson:

It does feel a bit easier after writing the answers to these questions.

As with all these assignments — Confident. HOOK. Short.

=======

Hi, I’m Rita Roberts and I have a script titled, BLUE MOON.

It’s inspired by my own crazed experience of faking my way onto construction sites with a painting company, making it successful and finding out it’s a great way to get dates!

It could be made for under $1 million depending on actors.

I see someone like Ali Wong or Anna Farris for the lead with Chris Pratt or Josh Duhamel as the “mantagonist”.

The script is 93 pages and you’d be the first to see it.

I think it fits your company because it’s a fun, blundering romance story with a similar feel to Your Place or Mine, a woman finding her way in business and love.

The ending wraps up when Dawn’s foreman falls from a ladder. It looks like Blue Moon Painting is finished but Dawn’s full confession leads her into a business partnership and creates a real opportunity for authentic love.

(If it turns into a conversation…)

And oddly enough, since writing the script, the scenes are happening in real life. I now have exactly the same crew as the characters introduced in my story and on our first job of the season, the homeowners got into a huge argument, just like in the script. I’m going to keep my foreman off of tall ladders!

[Rita Roberts]

Rita’s Query Letter

What I learned doing this assignment:

Cut, cut, cut. It was good to have another shot at the synopsis a few days later, makes it easier to cut.

——-

BLUE MOON

Genre: Romantic Comedy

True love only comes once in a Blue Moon… after you fake your way into owning a business you know nothing about.

When Dawn meets a handsome contractor she pretends to own a painting company and signs a contract to finish one of his projects.

The only problem is that she’s actually a psychology professor who just lectured her class about authenticity, so now she has to gather up some workers and get the job done.

Where else to find a paint crew but by plucking random losers from a parking lot?

After a few disastrous mishaps, Dawn and her colorful crew find their groove. They just might pull it off!

PLUS the contractor asked her out to dinner… but what if he finds out she lied? Does Dawn come clean or keep up the charade?

Either way, she loses at love… unless she finds a way to have it all.

If you like this concept, I’ll be happy to send you the script.

Sincerely,

Rita Doyle Roberts

BIO: Rita Roberts is a professional artist who inherited a painting company and had to bluff her way through commercial contracts as the lead on construction sites. Blue Moon Bay Painting is now a successful business… and a great way to get dates.

[Contact info]

[Rita Roberts]

Rita’s Synopsis Hooks

What I learned doing this assignment:

How to cut out excessive details that are NOT hooks.I inadvertently had a query letter in mind while writing this synopsis. I’m not sure what the difference is other than adding a bio and an offer to send the script.

The key to your success is to select HOOKS to tell your story through.

1. Great Title / Tag line.

2. Inciting Incident — the lie.

3. She signs a contract, locking her into the lie.

4. A disaster in the making — picking random losers from a parking lot.

5. She gets her wish — a date!

6. Dilemma — Come clean or keep up the charade. Either way she loses at love… or does she?

=============================

BLUE MOON

Romantic Comedy

True love only comes once in a Blue Moon… after you’ve lied your way into a whole new business.

When Dawn meets a handsome contractor she pretends to own a painting company and signs a contract to finish one of his projects. The only problem is that she’s actually a psychology professor who just lectured her class about honesty and authenticity. Now she has to magically manifest some workers and get the job done.

Where else to find a paint crew but by plucking random losers from a parking lot?

After a bumpy start and a few disastrous mishaps, she puts her faith in this colorful, ramshackle crew and they might actually pull it off! PLUS the contractor asked her out to dinner… but what if he finds out she lied?

Does Dawn come clean or keep up the charade?

Either way, she loses at love… unless she finds a way to have it all.

[Rita Roberts]

Rita’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch

What I learned doing this assignment:

Multiple versions was a little easier than I thought it would be. I still need to test this with others to see which of my versions is most effective. I don’t trust my perception just yet but these are my choices.

HIGH CONCEPT

A lonely professor just wants a date with a handsome contractor but she ends up building a life.

ELEVATOR PITCH

I’m working on a script based on my own experience with the notion that true love only comes once in a Blue Moon… after you fake your way into a new business.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Rita Roberts.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Rita Roberts.

[Rita Roberts]

Rita’s 10 Most Interesting Things

What I learned doing this assignment:

This sounded hard at first but reading through the assignment, the 10 things aren’t skillfully written to captivate at this point, they’re just listed. Phew!

1. A lonely professor teaches about honesty and mental health… and then tells a massive lie to get a date.
2. Dawn pretends to have a painting company when she meets a handsome contractor.
3. A ramshackle crew crew of colorful characters is assembled at random from a parking lot.
4. Dilemma — Does Dawn come clean, stop the charade and lose her chance at dating Tom or does she continue the charade, date Tom, but lose him when he finds out?
5. Tom finds out Dawn lied to him about having a painting company — AFTER he asks her on a date AND she signs a contract with him to paint a house.
6. Dawn and Tom’s mom get together by accident which turns Tom around to heal his relationship with his mother.
7. Tom, the antagonist, has a series of betrayals in his life, Dawn’s lie about being a painting contractor is just the latest.
8. Zak falls from a ladder, bringing everyone together and all unspoken conflicts exposed.
9. Dawn’s tru love shows up because Zak is in the hospital. He’s looking for work because Blue Moon has taken all the painting jobs in town.
10. Instead of dating, Tom and Dawn go into business together. (Is this a reversal when it’s at the end?)

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Rita Roberts.

[Rita Roberts]

Rita’s Producer/Manager

What I learned today:

• My other business experience informs this process in valuable ways.
• I’m somewhat like a manager to the people I hire — if they understand that when they take care of the business, success comes back to them. If they’re open to improving and learning, we both profit.
• I actually have a lot of experience with staying flexible and doing whatever is necessary to a keep multi-stage, collaborative project moving.

  How will you present yourself and your project to the producer?

Based on my prior research, I would tailor my pitch as thoroughly as possible to:

Align my script with previous successful films similar to movies they have worked on.
Ask them what they’re looking for and present ideas for that.
Within the conversation, emphasize that I am also a business person who understands the objective of creating a marketable product.
Expand on any ideas to make the story more sellable, beginning the collaboration process as soon as possible.<div>

2. How will you present yourself and your project to the manager?

Be cooperative, curious and teachable.
Understand what makes their job easier and do it.
The objective is to become their favorite client. I am offering a service, my business is to deliver what they need as the recipient of that service. If I elevate their business, that success comes back to me. Offer additional business ideas regarding the selling of the script.

[Rita Roberts]

Rita’s Marketable Components

What I learned doing this assignment:

• I’m learning the bankable parts but don’t really know how to sell them. Yet.
• Creating business ideas about how to make it more sellable is fun.
• The most useful approach to finding marketable pieces of my story.

<div>

LOGLINE:

To impress a handsome contractor, a lonely psychology professor pretends to own a painting company but what she and her ramshackle crew deliver gives a whole new meaning to “home improvement.”

B. Great Title — Maybe if I change it to BLUE MOON which I am considering.

C. True – Inspired by my own experiences.

G. Wide audience appeal. – Main character is a woman but she’s in a man’s world of construction. Most of the characters are men. Age range of characters is college to senior citizens.

I. Similarity to a box-office success. — There are some elements of You’ve Got Mail — misunderstanding, antagonism, business, female vs male business.

J. A great role for a bankable actor. — I plan to increase this potential in a rewrite.

Some ideas to present:

C. True — I need to research this more but I have the idea of expanding my painting company to be something like painterbros.com except that my company name will be familiarized and distributed through a popular movie and encourage female ownership (with the prospect of working within a large dating pool).</div>

G. Wide audience appeal — It’s a full family/work/life balance story.Romance, business, comedy, life improvements, college kids make life decisions, parent/adult child issues resolved. Age range of characters is college to senior citizens.

[Rita Roberts]

Thanks for asking this Pamela. I thought there were more lessons coming and I was behind.
I’d love to finish it too!

[Rita Roberts]

Enjoy your travels, Luc. It will be a little while before I have a new draft that is ready to read and this class seems to be moving slowly so there’s no rush. I’ll be happy to connect whenever the time is right.

Rita

[Rita Roberts]

Hi Luc,

My Rom Com also takes place between physical/earth life and the spirit world/purgatory. How interesting that we are both exploring that premise! I'd love to exchange scripts when we have drafts ready to read, if you are open to it.

Looking forward to reading more of about your story.

Rita

[Rita Roberts]

Ira, this is definitely a unique twist on the Rom Com genre!
I’d like to read it when you’re ready for feedback. The end seems a little dark for what Hal was talking about it the last zoom call so I’m curious how you resolve everything to feel satisfying!
My script for this class also has a supernatural element to it, so that’s part of my interest.
Looking forward to more,
Rita

[Rita Roberts]

Hi Kerry,
Can you tell us the names of the movie and shows?

[Rita Roberts]

Hi Micki!
I have to know… what happened to Charlie?? 😀

[Rita Roberts]

Hi Camilla,

Thanks so much for all your thoughts on my story. I love that the query made you think in these details.

A friend of mine who knows the drama/comedy/romance of workers in my real life painting business suggested I do a spinoff series and write a pilot. That definitely needs to be written and your ideas are great fuel.

Thanks!

Rita

[Rita Roberts]

Hi Vic,

Thanks so much for these ideas!

I like THE BUSINESS OF LOVE.
What about A FRESH COAT OF LOVE <– Is that evocative or vague?
My first title was BLUE DAWN. I haven’t completely nixed that one yet.

Your suggestions are helpful and I appreciate the notes of encouragement too.

The whole script is getting a rewrite so I’ll see where I can incorporate these extra ideas.

Thank you for reciprocating on the feedback.

Rita

[Rita Roberts]

Hi Camilla,

Does something like this work:

When faith, love and crime meet — which one wins?

As for the Madmen reference, maybe add something like… following Samuel from his youth into his 60’s, the series is a combo of Peaky Blinders and Madmen.

It seems like those two plots you mentioned could up the stakes and increase the hooks in your query. But they have to increase tension between the two. Your first draft made it sound like the love story ended at the beginning.

It’s a real trick finding a way to tell a complex story in simple sentences!

I look forward to seeing your second draft.

Rita

[Rita Roberts]

Posted in the wrong place.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Rita Roberts.

[Rita Roberts]

Hi Peter,

This was fun to analyze. I included my spontaneous thoughts and then pull it together with a potential way to jump into your rewrite at the end. All of these items are just one reader’s reactions for you to consider. I am definitely interested to read the pilot already from what you have written. My suggestions are just possibilities for narrowing the focus to a sharp point on the hooks.

THE BUBBLE — I’m wondering if the title should be related to the name of the grocery store? Or is the piano lounge called The Bubble?

Great first hook!

I stumbled on “our cosmos” in the next sentence. My brain went, “Our cosmos? or the cosmos of this story?” Perhaps clarify with:

Granted, the entire cosmos of THE BUBBLE consists of Eatam’s Grocery Store, “the store with everything and more!”… etc.

“goes out of his way to NOT entertain customers” quickly brings up several images for me as to the potential comedy of an “untertainer”. Very good.

Alice Brady, I took note of the name and laughed. (Then I went into reflections of how the Brady house was a universe unto itself most of the time and the Brady’s would fit perfectly for some bizarre situation as in your story and Alice wasn’t a Brady but she was and how much fun it would have been if she had been a radical activist juxtaposed with Carol… poor Mike wouldn’t know what to do… all within the span of a couple of seconds. That’s my brain.)

Is there any way to add more specificity to “for some nefarious purpose”? Something that will hook me further. It made me wonder if this detail is vague in the story.

However, the narrative of this paragraph brings in a lot of intrigue and gives a clear starting picture of what it’s all about.

You have a great dilemma hook in the last paragraph. The only thing I’m wondering about is if it’s necessary to include that Ruby is Jackie’s ex? It made me wonder about love — or fear of losing love — being the motivation for his dilemma rather than an altruistic desire to help his fellow inhabitants vs. selfish self-preservation.

My question, is it better to keep it simple? We might assume Jackie has a thing for Ruby since she’s the star of his piano bar.

The SERIES ENGINE made me wonder if Jackie and Alice are working together. From the earlier paragraph, I suspected they were at odds. Just wondering if that needs to be made clear?

In the BIO, can you add one example of where your work is published or played?
… around the globe, including_______.

The ScreenCraft mention is a good one!

Looking for hook, paragraph, hook format, my rewrite might be something like this:

——–

The universe is about to end. Now what?

Granted, the entire cosmos of THE BUBBLE consists of Eatam’s Grocery Store, “the store with everything and more!” But Eatam’s parking lot is experiencing frequent extreme weather events. On the inside, merchandise and people are losing solidity.

But Jackie Diamond just might be able to save the world with his music…

Except, like any lounge singer, he is right at home at the center of the universe in The piano Bar from Hell. And he goes out of his way to NOT entertain customers.

Nonetheless, his venue is the only place unaffected by the unfolding catastrophe.

Jackie believes his music somehow shields him and his domain but radical cleaning lady, Alice Brady, is convinced that Jackie’s fawning store owner and patron, protects him with secret technology which she wants to open source (or whatever it is) — before everyone else fades into non-existence.

When Ruby Red, Jackie’s star singer, begins to evaporate, he must decide: does he risk using his privileged position to help the inhabitants of Eatam’s to escape oblivion?

If he does, where will they go? If he doesn’t, where will HE go?

——–

The details may not be quite accurate to your script but I hope this is useful for the next draft of your query letter!

[Rita Roberts]

Hi Camilla,

You have an intriguing concept and the tone is clear as a period series. For me it needs some clarity for the hooks to stand out. My suggestions are below.

I’m Camilla Erlandsdotter and I’ve placed in TV pilot contests. I’d put this in your bio. I’m finishing a 1 hour serialised gangster drama called RED.

======

RED

1 hour serialised gangster drama

Is there life for a god-fearing Jewish gangster? Can you bring in something more specific here than life?

How does a devout Jew reconcile his faith with his gangster life?

It’s 1920 and New York, a time full of hope and fear.

With his blood brother from reform school and World War 1, Samuel is going to Coney Island on a double date with an astonishing woman, but need some cash for their night out.

So they rob the speakeasy. They’ve got the money and they’ve got the girls but…

Now the blood-thirsty local gang lord who owns the speakeasy is out for revenge!

Their romantic dinner is crashed by corrupt police henchman. Samuel is arrested on a fake charge, badly beaten, and abandoned by his friend. (a little confusing to be arrested on a fake charge since he did actually rob they guy.)

Is life over just as it was getting started?

If you’re happy with the concept, happy to share the pilot script. It’s Peaky Blinders meets Madmen. I’m not sure how it fits with Madmen. Is there a way to add a small detail that shows that?

Apart from placing in US based TV pilot contests, I wrote my Law School graduation paper (cum laude) on the Italian gangster Lucky Luciano. Good expert on the subject mention.

=====

Now that I’ve gone through the query, I’m wondering how god-fearing plays into the story. You might be able to increase the tension hooks in the query if that is a big deal for Samuel, creating inner turmoil, or take it out so as not to confuse?

I hope these suggestions are useful for you.

Good luck revising!
Rita

[Rita Roberts]

Peter,

Thank you so much for this! You touched on all the areas where I was troubled so your comments will be extremely helpful in the next draft. I especially like your ideas for upping the stakes and doubling down on tension for Dawn.

I’d love to know what other classmates think about BLUE MOON vs BLUE MOON PAINTERS as a script title. Would anyone like to give thoughts?

Thank you for taking time to write a detailed critique, much appreciated!

Rita

[Rita Roberts]

Hi Jalynn!

This sounds like an intriguing story. I’ll make an attempt to help you shorten but you’ve written your query in a way that makes it viewable in my mind as it is. I rearranged some things and made suggestions. Take what works for you and disregard the rest.

Great Concept!
Rita

=======

I loved the last western film you produced and thought you might be interested in a contemporary western with great roles for two bankable actors: A teenage heartthrob and an aging well-loved actor. I’m not sure this is a great first hook since it’s not about your story. It seems more in line for an in person meeting?

Title: Heart of a Mustang

Genre: Drama/Contemporary Western

What drags a troubled boy out of juvie as he sidestep bullies, rattlesnakes, hungry coyotes and murder on the prairie? Wild horses.

After reading the full query it seems odd that Hunter is happy if his mother has been murdered? Or does that happen after the not-dead dad shows up? If that’s the case, it’s just a matter of clarity.

Hunter is a happy teen who plays violin and has a comfortable life until his “dead” father comes home.

When Hunter learns this man is a drug-dealing ex-con instead of the military hero his mother painted him to be, Hunter jumps the rails. He skips school, (makes a new friend, <– I’d cut that since it doesn’t impact the query) and learns what it takes to be a thief. Before the day’s end, Hunter gets caught robbing hotel guests, and a judge sends him to Promise Ranch for troubled boys.

Hunter bonds with a wild horse and learns to train her from an old cowboy named Smokey (who’s as good with troubled teens as he is with mustangs. Maybe cut this, it’s implied.)

Plus, Hunter meets Haylie and gets his first crush on a girl who’s a better cowboy than he is.
Or: Then he meets a cowboy who outdoes him at every turn. Her name is Haylie.

When Hunter confronts the man who murdered his mother, When did this happen? It’s an abrupt change from the horses and Haylie so maybe it’s better to be worded like this:

But when his mother is murdered, Hunter must decide if he wants to be a killer like his father or the talented young man his mother raised him to be and a man Haylie could fall for.

Is murder really the best revenge? (Or something like that.)

BIO: Jalynn Venis is an optioned screenwriter and former broadcast and non-fiction television producer who has completed several screenwriting assignments. She co-wrote Heart of a Mustang with M.J. Evans, the author of the young adult book In the Heart of a Mustang. Both women are equestrians.

[Rita Roberts]

Hi Ian,

You certainly have a timely concept coinciding with current media narratives. You’ve written the query in an engaging way. It seems ready for producers who are appropriate to this genre and your bio is impressive. The only suggestion I could make is to pull out a big hook and isolate it in a single line halfway through the query.

Something like:

he refuses to take no for an answer but then…

He is captured by an AST sniper!

The real plan, all along was to frame him, etc.

Or whatever you think is the biggest hook of your story. But I think that’s a visual preference on my part to pull out the hook. Maybe just something to try out.

Well done!

Rita

[Rita Roberts]

Hi Jack,

Great Concept and Title!

Title: Kennel Club

Genre – Half Hour romantic comedy

I have a half-hour comedy series pilot about a L.A. dog groomer who doesn’t trust men, only
dogs. I think you need a solid hook to start.

How do you get a date when you trust dogs more than men?
or
When a dog groomer’s best relationship is with her canines, who would guess she’d become a dating coach?
or
Lonely Saturday nights? Ditch your dating coach and find a dog to walk!
(Just some quick ideas for you to make better if you want to.)

When she (NAME?) gets in financial trouble and is about to lose her business, she secretly rents out the dogs she grooms to members of her socially-challenged chess club. I’ve loved this concept from first reading it!

Now, these tongue-tied men can let the dogs do the talking instead of approaching women themselves.

Think Hitch meets Cheers at the dog park.

In addition to being a Cesar Millan-type dog whisperer, (Name) gives dating advice and fixes relationships.

Quirky characters in the chess club would also appeal to bankable actors, such as the fast-talking TV product pitchman who becomes her love interest in the first season and a Kevin-Hart type Uber driver who shuttles the men and dogs to dog parks, dog cafes and dog-walking streets giving outrageous advice in opposition to the female lead’s counseling. The series has big surprises, major twists and reversals, character betrayals, and wide audience appeal. With the success of Hitch, Cheers, and Queen’s Gambit, as well as dog shows like Dog Whisperer, Beethoven and Best In Show, the series will appeal to the targeted young-adult audience as well as the ninety million U.S. households with pets, and L.A. actors can make cameo appearances with their much-loved dogs making the show popular with them. I have completed the pilot and second episode as well as a 90-page feature romcom version also tiled Kennel Club.

I’m not sure about the above information, it may not be well-placed in a query but more for an in person meeting to answer their questions if they ask. Turning the character parts into hooks for the query would be idea. The query’s main objective is to get your script read, as I understand it. This heavy chunk of text also adds visual density which may be a turnoff?

Bio: I have independently produced and sold four programs to Discovery Channel and was Associate Producer for independently-produced The Life and Times of Bobby Jones which was then sold to and aired on CBS. I’ve completed 11 screenplays, one of which took home the platinum award for Best Screenplay and three others that have been finalists in major screenplay competitions.

Your bio is impressive. You clearly know how to get things sold so my suggestions are just to give you further ideas.

I have a desire to read it, just from the concept so it seems strong enough to stand on its own!

I hope this is useful for you,
Rita

[Rita Roberts]

Ian,

Thank you for your thoughts about the story, all good things to consider when I do a rewrite after this class.

I appreciate you reading my query and taking time to make these suggestions.

Best,
Rita

[Rita Roberts]

Rita’s Pitch Fest Pitch

What I learned :

There is a lot to remember for this type of pitch and will need a lot of practice.

——————

I’m Rita Roberts. My script is based on my own ridiculous experience of inheriting a painting company and making it successful while finding out it’s a great way to get dates.

It’s a romantic comedy called BLUE MOON.

It’s about a lonely psychology professor who pretends to own a painting company to impress a handsome contractor so she plucks a bunch of random losers from a parking lot to make up her paint crew.

She might be able to fake her way through this new business but it could ruin her chances at love.

This is a low to middle budget script depending on the actors.

I see Ali Wong or Anna Faris for the lead and the “mantagonist” as someone like Josh Duhamel or Chris Pratt with several supporting roles for great character actors.

Act 1:

After Dawn ends her students’ semester with a lecture about mental health and authenticity, she meets Tom, the biggest — and handsomest — builder in town. Impulsively, she lets him believe she owns a painting company and agrees to finish one of his projects.

Act 2:

She assembles an unqualified crew by choosing them at random from a parking lot for some on-the-job training. After a bumpy start, Dawn is able to manage the crew, each with their own mental and emotional hangups and finds that she enjoys being an entrepreneur.

Plus, Tom likes her work and asks her out to dinner! Everything seems to be going great until Tom finds out Dawn isn’t a painter at all, she’s a professor… of psychology, no less.

While avoiding Tom just long enough to finish this one job, Dawn gets to know Tom’s mom. Not realizing their mutual connection, they form a fast bond.

Act 3:

With too much pressure running a crew and keeping up the charade, Dawn’s young foreman tumbles from a high ladder. At the hospital, Dawn comes clean, brings Tom and his mom together and realizes she only became a professor to keep her away from the blue collar world of her boorish dad.

HOW IT ENDS

Not only has Dawn accidentally reorganized her own life but she’s influenced everyone around her to make better choices. She and Tom may not be a romantic match but Dawn adds the personal touch to his world and they become business partners instead. Each is more successful and fulfilled.

I specialize in romantic comedies and scripts for animation.