Dalisia Coppersmith
Forum Replies Created
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I’m Dalisia Coppersmith and I agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by Dalisia Coppersmith.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by
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Hello, fellow character seekers. 🙂
I’m Dalisia and I’ve written three scripts. I want to drastically improve my character building and dialogue before I start my fourth.
Fun fact: I’m a huge fan of any actor who can manage to play each of their characters different ways vs. playing the same dang person every time, only with a different name. My goal is to write characters so uniquely that it isn’t possible for the actors to do that!
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Subject: Dalisia Writes Great Hope/Fear!
What I learned from this assignment was that mining for all the places where we can ramp up the Hope and Fear really takes the reader for a loop! It’s so easy to forget that we’re not just plodding along, getting the story out there to set up a few big moments. Every scene can have big (emotional) moments! I was able to find 5-6 Hope/Fear moments per act very easily!
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Subject: Dalisia’s 4 Act Structure
What I learned from this assignment is that starting with a SIMPLE four act structure before building all the detail in can really strengthen the spine of the script. I think I’ve overcomplicated my outlines from the very beginning in the past and that makes it harder to see how weak the story really is!!
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SUBJECT: Dalisia’s Character Journeys!
What I learned from this assignment is that every major and minor character should have a journey in the movie. We generally only think of lead characters having a full journey, but that’s wasted air time in a contained movie where the character depth and journey is everything. This assignment showed me that even a simple 3-act structure for a minor character can add incredible depth to the story.
For each of your main characters, create a 3-Act Structure of their journey.
MOM
Beginning: Suburban wife, struggling to fit into new retired life
Turning Point: DAUGHTER announces wedding, mom immediately suspicious (new mission)
Midpoint: Mom’s “investigation” of FIANCE reaches the ridiculous stage, everyone is mad
Turning Point 2: DAUGHTER tells her to stay away from the wedding, she reveals her wound
Dilemma: Trust her gut and protect her family or… don’t and risk losing them
3rd Act Climax: ASSASSIN captures MOM, DAD, DAUGHTER; MOM sees futility of old life!
Ending: BROTHER and FIANCE save the family, MOM embraces new identity
DAD
Beginning: Happy to be retired, wishes MOM would be as well
Turning Point: DAUGHTER announces wedding to the UPS guy (who DAD hired!)
Midpoint: Prevents MOM from ruining wedding; Really upset by her behavior
Turning Point 2: Dad feels guilty, admits to being catalyst to MOM’s forced retirement
Dilemma: Admit he betrayed MOM and that he hired FIANCE, or stay quiet and let the ASSASSIN target the wedding
3rd Act Climax: Captured by assassin; no way out! Feels responsible for it all.
Ending: Saved by non-spy BROTHER and FIANCE
DAUGHTER
Beginning: Normal grad student, eager to get married over the weekend
Turning Point: Announces the wedding to MOM/DAD; confides in BROTHER
Midpoint: Furious with MOM, feels unsupported and betrayed
Turning Point 2: Tells MOM to stay away from wedding, but learns of her wound
Dilemma: Get married over the weekend/anger parents OR get shipped to Siberia
3rd Act Climax: Mother/daughter competition ends in family getting captured by ASSASSIN
Ending: Saved by BRO and FIANCE, continues family business but with lots of support; gains tons of respect for parents and realized how much MOM loves her
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Subject line: Dalisia’s Delivering Multiple Layers!
What I learned from this assignment was that layering is absolutely essential to avoiding the midpoint sag in the script. Rather than having a couple of basic layers and a reveal or two, we can be far more creative and keep the audience engaged as we are further developing our plot. The big catalyst at the beginning and the all-is-lost moment cannot be the only intriguing, exciting parts of the story. Layers create the rest. One thought I had as I completed this assignment was that I am great at brainstorming, so I have to watch out for over-complicating a script with too many layers, turns, and plot twists. I’ve been frustrated in movies that over-layer like that. It’s gimmicky. So I will make sure that every layer I build in serves the storyline and actually adds to the payoff at the end.
1. Plot layers.
Major
scheme revealed: Mom trying to sabotage the wedding to save the family (?)Surface:
Typical mother-in-law distrust of fiancé, protecting “little girl”Beneath
that: Mom believes fiance was hired by her nemesis to track her (mom)
downHow
Revealed: When she goes too far, daughter tells her not to come to
wedding, then the identity of the bad guy comes out, then the dad’s role
in mom’s retirement comes outMajor shift
in Meaning: Mom’s “control” is actually more about her loss of purposeSurface:
Mom doesn’t trust the fiance (and she is paranoid about her nemesis)Beneath
that: Mom still needs to dig for secrets; she doesn’t know how else to beHow
Revealed: She apologizes to daughter, reveals she never knew how to be a
momHidden
history: Parents were spies, daughter is a spy, dad hired fiancé, bro
writing bookSurface:
Just a normal family – normal mother-in-law dynamic (skeptical about fiancé)Beneath
that: Mom was a spy and can’t accept her new identityHow
Revealed: Dad discovers her spying on fiancé and their career history
comes outHidden plan:
Bad guy is listening to all this craziness and plans to kill family at weddingSurface:
Mom is paranoid about fiance and his possible connection to bad guyBeneath
that: Fiance has nothing to do with that, but the bad guy is tracking the
familyHow
Revealed: At the wedding, daughter sees a rifle in a window—but she
thinks he’s there to get her and mom thinks he’s there to get her and
dad. So a hilarious mother/daughter competition begins for who the mark actually
is!2. Character layers.
Secret
identity: Spy familySurface:
Normal familyBeneath
that: Mom, dad, daughter are spiesHow
Revealed: Dad reveals is as he tries to stop mom from sabotaging wedding;
daughter reveals her true job as she’s confiding in her brotherIntrigue
layers: Dad hired fiancé (why?), dad caused mom’s retirement, bro writing novelSurface:
Fiance is just a stranger who daughter is bringing homeBeneath
that: Fiance was hired by dad to watch over daughterHow
Revealed: When fiance meets the family, Dad’s reaction shows that they
know each other, then they talk about it off to the side later (But…there
will be a hint of this when fiance looks at family photo and says, “Your
dad is going to kill me.” She says, “Oh, he’ll love you!” But fiance
repeats, “No. He’s gonna kill me
alright.”Hidden
relationships and conspiracies: Dad/fiancé, bro is everyone’s confidant,
dad caused mom’s retirement, daughter’s boss used to work for mom/dadSurface:
Brother is just a “flaky writer” who isn’t as cool as DadBeneath
that: Bro is the only one who knows everything—and therefore holds the
most power in the family. He also has studied spycraft so much for his
novels that he’ll be able to save the day at the end with the help of the
fiance.How
Revealed: As the story unfolds, we see everyone talking to brother at one
point or another…and we see him writing. So when all is done, the family
is saved, and mom has accepted grandmother status (end of movie), bro’s
new novel is revealed to family.Hidden Character
history: spy history, mom didn’t have a mom, daughter & bro both felt “less
than” with parents (mother/daughter conflict, father/son dynamic)Surface:
Mom is just a mom whose daughter felt controlled and criticized growing upBeneath
that: Mom grew up without a mom, so she never knew how to properly “mother”How
Revealed: When the secrets come spilling out, mom confesses her
shortcomings as a mother and begs daughter’s forgiveness. -
Posting again because I don’t know whether to put calendar Day 4 stuff here or Assignment 4. Here’s my assignment 4.
Dalisia’s Character Depth!
What I learned from this assignment was that each of the prompts you provided can bring in depth and conflict in organic ways. In a family story, their wounds intersect with other characters and the subtext can be intertwined in ways that other stories can’t quite reach. The either/or dilemmas exist for everyone—we just have to find them. I especially appreciated the character to character analysis, because I discovered three additional conspiracies to include!
With each character, create a simple profile:
Mom: Wants to stop the wedding but needs to find her new, post-spy-life identity. Wound is that she never had a mother and had no idea how to be one. She must either stop the wedding/stop the assassin, or sink into domestic nothingness (worse than death).
Dad: Wants to bake in peace but needs to continue protecting his family. Secret is that he was the catalyst behind his wife being pushed into retirement…AND he hired the Fiancé to guard his daughter. Agenda is to help the Fiancé evade his wife!
Daughter: Wants to get married to avoid assignment to Siberia but needs to feel loved by her mom. Secret is that she’s a spy—not a grad student…and her Fiancé doesn’t even know!
Fiancé: Wants to get married without being killed by Dad, but needs to feel a lot cooler than he actually thinks he is. Secret is that Dad hired him to guard Daughter. Dilemma is either get away with the surprise wedding or be exposed as a con man to his fiancée.
Brother: Wants to keep confidences and write his novel, but needs to feel respected by his dad. Wound is that he always felt “less than” Daddy’s little girl. Secret is that he’s known about the family business (spying) all along. Secret identity is the puppet master.
Assassin: Wants to kill the whole family, but needs to forgive Mom for breaking his heart and taking down his company (wound). Secret is that has located Mom and plans to kill her—then has to follow them to the surprise wedding venue. Secret identity is maybe the wedding officiant?
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Dalisia’s Right Characters
I learned to start with the hook and consider the contained setting when building my characters—before filling out the details on them. I used to simply think of unique features to add, but the way they deliver on the hook is everything.
Mom: A reluctantly retired spy who once overturned a foreign mercenary organization. When her daughter brings home a fiancé, she uses her old skills in an attempt to sabotage the wedding.
Dad: Also a retired spy, but totally over all of that. Now he just wants peace—and to bake the perfect cake for his daughter’s wedding. Mom’s antics threaten to derail his ideal Father/Daughter day.
Daughter: She grew up thinking her parents were teachers overseas. When the family secrets (including hers) come spilling out, she’ll end up competing with Mom over who the bad guys are actually trying to kill.
Fiancé: He works for a three letter agency too—UPS! When he finds out the truth about the family he’s marrying into, he’ll realize he’s in for a wild ride. But how long can he hold on?
Brother: He is nothing like his sister or his mom. He’s secure in his identity as a writer and “just a regular guy.” He’s the only one who knows all the secrets–and is carefully fictionalizing them for his new book.
Tell us what makes these characters the “right ones” for this story?
None of them really “fit in” with regular society. None of them is comfortable in his/her own skin totally except the brother. He’s pretty happy watching the dumpster fire. Everyone has secrets–but they’re all driven out of love for one another. The brother is everyone’s confidant and secretly writing all of these situations into his newest fiction novel.
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SUBJECT: The Hook
I’m not sure I’m posting in the right place. The forums are by Day but the assignments are in sequential numbers. Also not sure what I’m supposed to post, because at the end it says to keep this to ourselves. So I’ll just answer the two questions:
A. How did this process work for you?
I really enjoyed this method of brainstorming for a strong hook/high concept. When I looked at the elements, I realized the basic story I want to tell was pretty bland without adding more complexity and unique aspects. Very helpful!
B. What did you learn doing this
assignment? That even when you think you have a high concept / strong hook, it’s probably not all that unique. So we have to MAKE IT UNIQUE by mining for those extra details. -
SUBJECT: Great Hook!
A. How did this process work for you?
I enjoy brainstorming in different pieces/aspects of an idea. Generating options is not something I do enough of in order to arrive at strong concepts/hooks or character profiles. I am so into the spine of the story that I don’t put enough unique meat on the bone!
B. What did you learn doing this assignment?
The importance of that question “…what haven’t we seen before?” That’s because we think we’ve already asked that question when we came up with our idea! But if we break the idea down and ask that question over and over, it’s so much easier to mine for the gold.
I’m not sure what else we’re supposed to post here because it says “Don’t share your hook.”
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Subject: Dalisia’s Guidelines for Gladiator
What I learned from this assignment was that the spine of a story can be executed in many ways at various budget levels. My favorite movie is Gladiator, which has many sets, characters, and stunts. But if I strip it down to the bare essentials that still convey the story, I only need a few characters who are contained in the gladiator holding area under the arena. The entire story can play out right there in only a couple of rooms and a training area/courtyard.
ASSIGNMENT PART 1: Select Your Project
1. Go through your five ideas and determine which of them can easily fit the Covid-19 guidelines. For the moment, don’t list the ideas. Just tell us your experience of evaluating them based upon the guidelines.
A. It can be done as a contained story.
B. You can write a pitch in one or two sentences.
C. There is something unique about it.POST: I haven’t written a script this way before. My previous scripts were written primarily for me to learn how to write screenplays, with little regard for their marketability. Now it’s time for me to write for managers, agents, and producers—as well as the audience! I can already tell how this challenge will elevate my character development, dialogue and conflict. Without all the distractions of setting up complex scenes and set pieces, all I can really give is a great story and great characters. I found it easy to generate ideas for contained stories, but it’s easy to fall into cliches. I wrote a 1-sentence pitch for each of the ideas just to get my head around what each was about. I found that easy, although I didn’t try to perfect them. There was something unique about each idea, but it wasn’t necessarily called out in the four parts we listed for each idea. So I’ll have to think about that a bit more (how to have a unique twist and not give it away too soon).
ASSIGNMENT PART 2: Adjust a Produced Movie to Covid Guidelines
2. Pick a movie that is outside the Covid Guidelines and give us your thoughts on how they could make it in the current production environment.
TITLE: GLADIATOR
AS THEY DID IT:
A. People: Lots of characters, extras, stunt doubles
B. Stunts: a lot of stunts inside and outside of the arena
C. Extras: Yep, tons of people in the crowds, the palace, etc.
D. Wardrobe: Costume changes for the entire crew except the poor people
E. Hair and Make Up: Not excessive, but a lot of moulage (blood and injuries)
F. Kids and Animals: a few kids plus large animals in the arena
G. Quarantine: Definitely not Covid compliant
COVID GUIDELINE VERSION:
A. People: Maximus, Commodus, Lucilla, Juba, Proximo, Hagen, Tigris
B. Stunts: Limited to one gladiator fight that turns on Commodus
C. Extras: None
D. Wardrobe: No changes except adding armor weapons
E. Hair and Make Up: Only adding blood and moulage for injuries
F. Kids and Animals: None
G. Quarantine: Easy to follow Covid guidelines
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1. Name: Dalisia Coppersmith
2. Scripts written so far: 1 feature, 1 pilot, 2 shorts
3. What you hope to get out of the class? – I hope to have a solid outline for a contained action/comedy I’d like to workshop at a writers’ retreat in May.
4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? – I spent 25 years in the military yet I’m surprisingly easy going! (Thus, the action/comedy idea in my head!) 🙂
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My name is Dalisia Coppersmith and I agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.