[Dan LoBrace]

Running a little behind! Is anyone still available to swap feedback?? 🙂 You can email me at dan.lobrace08@gmail.com

Dan LoBrace – Query Letter

Genre: Horror

Title: Kaleidoscope

Dear Producer,

Kaleidoscopes can be magical, but this one is evil.

When troubled teenager Kendall finds this mysterious kaleidoscope, her family’s biggest fears start coming true. Kendall is attacked in her home by a strange stalker, and the teen exhibits signs of demonic possession in front of her mother. When these threats get more dangerous, Kendall tries to flee her home, only to learn…

The kaleidoscope has turned her house into a maze of supernatural horrors.

After miraculously escaping, Kendall learns there’s a demon imprisoned in the kaleidoscope. It’s been isolating each family member into their own personalized nightmare, and intends to devour her loved ones after they’re fully trapped in its web of phantasms. Kendall decides to return to her house and try to save her family, risking her life once again.

Will Kendall be able to save her family from the horrifying labyrinth of the kaleidoscope?

If you like the concept for KALEIDOSCOPE, I’d be happy to send you the script.

BIO: Dan is an optioned screenwriter specializing in horror. He has placed well in multiple horror contests, which can be found on his Coverfly page.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by  Dan LoBrace.

[Dan LoBrace]

What I learned is… it’s easier to get producer’s contact info than you might think

Title: Kaleidoscope

Logline: A teenager must save herself and her family from an evil, reality-bending kaleidoscope that turns their home into an inescapable maze of horrors.

Movies that are similar:

Insidious

It Follows

Oculus

Lights Out

Sinister

Truth or Dare

The Wretched

Actors to play lead characters:

Kendall: Emilia Jones, Madison Iseman, Verity Marks, Madison MacIsaac

Nora: Lily Rabe, Madchen Amick, Darby Stanchfield,

[Dan LoBrace]

What I learned is… you can do a quick pitch before they even know you’re pitching!

1. Tell us which of the four strategies you are going to use to open your pitch:

Lead with credibility.

2. Give us your script for phone call pitches, like I did above.

Hi, I’m Dan LoBrace. I’m an optioned screenwriter and I’m wondering if I could run a quick horror feature pitch by you?

It’s about a haunted kaleidoscope – which has never been done before in the genre.

3. Give us a one or two sentence answer to the questions a producer may ask:

What’s the budget range? Low: under 5m

Who do you see in the main roles? Lily Rabe

How many pages is the script? 101

Who else has seen this? You’re the first!

Why do you think this fits our company? Because you’ve made these similar horror movies in the same budget range

How does the movie end? Kendall ventures back into the kaleidoscope realm and tries to save her parents, but she’s unable to break them from the demon’s grip. Her mother dies brutally right in front of her. Kendall then finds her younger sister and is miraculously able to snap the sister out of it. The two run from the demon, and eventually escape back into the real world.

[Dan LoBrace]

Dan’s Pitch Fest Pitch

What I learned is… LESS IS MORE when pitching!

1. Tell us your credibility.

I’m an optioned screenwriter.

2. Tell us your genre and title.

Today, I’m pitching a horror script titled Kaleidoscope.

3. What is your one or two sentence hook?

A teenager must save herself and her family from an evil, reality-bending kaleidoscope that turns their home into an inescapable maze of horrors.

4. Please give your one or two sentence answer to each of these questions:

What is the budget range? Low – under 5 million.

What actors do you like for the lead roles? Lily Rabe or Maria Dizzia for the mother. Emilia Jones for Kendall the teenager.

Give me the acts of the story.

Act 1- Kendall finds a mysterious kaleidoscope while house hunting with her grieving family. She’s later attacked in her home, but there’s no evidence for her family to believe her.

Act 2 – Kendall starts to exhibit signs of being possessed in front of her mother, but it isn’t the real Kendall. Eventually, Kendall learns there’s a demon inside the kaleidoscope that is separating each family member into a Kafka-esque maze of their own delusions, and it intends to trap and devour them.

Act 3 – Kendall decides to return to the maze her house has become and rescue her family.

How does it end? (setup / payoff).

The story is about the dangers of denial. There’s an accidental death that the family is grieving over and having trouble coming to terms with. Kendall is initially in denial about that night. The demon plays off of it’s victim’s lies and denials, so through this journey Kendall has to face reality. Kendall’s parents are unable to come to terms with reality and are killed by the demon, but her little sister is saved. The two sisters defeat the demon by setting it on fire and are able to escape the kaleidoscope’s grip, essentially overcoming their denials and are then able to live in their truth.

Credibility questions What have you done? I’m an optioned screenwriter who is working with the producer to get the movie into pre-production.

[Dan LoBrace]

Dan’s Query Letter

What I learned – to craft the query letter using marketing first, not story! Huge difference!

KALEIDOSCOPE

Genre: Horror

Kaleidoscopes can be magical, but this one is evil.

When teenager Kendall finds this mysterious kaleidoscope, her family’s biggest fears start coming true. Kendall is attacked in her home by a strange stalker, and the teen exhibits signs of demonic possession in front of her mother. When these threats get more dangerous, Kendall tries to flee her home, only to learn…

The kaleidoscope has turned her house into a maze of supernatural horrors!

After miraculously escaping, Kendall learns there’s a demon imprisoned in the kaleidoscope. It’s been isolating each family member into their own personalized nightmare, and intends to devour her loved ones after they’re fully trapped in its web of phantasms. Kendall decides to return to her house and try to save her family, risking her life once again.

Will Kendall be able to save her family from the horrifying labyrinth of the kaleidoscope?

If you like the concept for KALEIDOSCOPE, I’d be happy to send you the script.

BIO: Dan is a screenwriter specializing in horror. He has a shopping agreement with a producer and has placed well in multiple horror contests, which can be found on his Coverfly page.

Dan LoBrace

Email

Phone

[Dan LoBrace]

What I learned is there are many different ways to craft your hook.

1. To find your main hook, give us what is most unique about your lead character’s journey from a big picture perspective.

Teen has to save herself and her family from a haunted kaleidoscope that turns their home into an inescapable maze of horrors.

2. How can you tell it in the most interesting way possible?

Main Conflict: A teenager must learn to decipher reality from illusion after a haunted kaleidoscope turns her home into an inescapable nightmare.

What’s at stake? A teenager must save herself and her family from an evil kaleidoscope that sends them into an inescapable, hellish nightmare.

Goal/Unique Opposition: A family falls victim to a haunted, reality-bending kaleidoscope that turns their home into an inescapable maze of horrors.

3. Using the 10 Components of Marketability, what is your Elevator Pitch?

I’m finishing up a horror script about a haunted kaleidoscope – which has never been done before in the genre.

[Dan LoBrace]

Dan’s Synopsis Hooks

What I learned is… how much more effective – and even easier, tbh! – it is to write a synopsis using hooks. No need for unnecessary backstory to bog it down!

Hooks:

The villain is trapping the family inside a kaleidoscope with it, where it can feed on them

Kendall has broken free from the kaleidoscope, but she has to decide to go back in and try to save her family, risking her life once again.

The kaleidoscope is essentially hell, where the victims are stuck in this personalized nightmare and can be fed on whenever the demon pleases

Kendall’s mom and dad can’t break out of their denial, are stuck/get killed inside the kaleidoscope

Finds a kaleidoscope (concept)

Kendall is showing signs of being possessed by the kaleidoscope

But other family members are seemingly possessed as well

There’s a demon inside the kaleidoscope: the demon can put victims into separate versions of “reality”/But it turns out that the kaleidoscope is really just separating each family member into their own “nightmare,” and posing as the other family members

The villain is trapping the family inside a kaleidoscope with it, where it can feed on them

Kendall has broken free from the kaleidoscope, but she has to decide to go back in and try to save her family, risking her life once again.

The kaleidoscope is essentially hell, where the victims are stuck in this personalized nightmare and can be fed on whenever the demon pleases

Kendall’s mom and dad can’t break out of their denial, are stuck/get killed inside the kaleidoscope

First draft of synopsis:

Kaleidoscopes can be magical, but this one is evil.

Troubled teen Kendall Grady finds the kaleidoscope while house hunting with her grieving family. At first, Kendall starts acting strange: she has hallucinations of being attacked in her home, and exhibits signs of being possessed. Her mother, Nora, grows concerned – but little does Nora know, other family members are seemingly becoming possessed as well.

This carousel of terrors isn’t exactly what it seems, though: there’s a demon inside the kaleidoscope. It’s been slowly isolating each family member into their own personalized nightmare, using the denials of each to turn their home into a web of inescapable phantasms.

Eventually, Kendall miraculously breaks free from the hellish maze her home has become, and learns the demon in the kaleidoscope intends to devour her family members after they’re fully trapped.

She decides to go back and try to rescue her family, risking her life once again.

Will Kendall be able to find her loved ones and save them from the horrifying labyrinth of the kaleidoscope? Or will she fall prey to its powerful illusions?

[Dan LoBrace]

Dan’s Most Interesting Things

What I learned doing this assignment is… that drama isn’t necessarily interesting in the eyes of a producer. There are much more interesting things to put in a pitch!

A. What is most unique about your villain and hero?

Villain is a demon that can put victims into separate versions of “reality”, all while actually trapping them inside a kaleidoscope with it, where it can feed on them

B. Major hook of your opening scene?

Something is posing as your father, and your home becomes an inescapable maze. It’s as if you’re in a nightmare, but you’re really just fallen victim to… the kaleidoscope.

C. Any turning points?

Kendall is showing signs of being possessed by the kaleidoscope

But other family members are seemingly possessed as well

But it turns out that the kaleidoscope is really just separating each family member into their own “nightmare,” and posing as the other family members

D. Emotional dilemma?

She’s broken free from the kaleidoscope, but Kendall has to decide to go back in and try to save her family, risking her life once again.

E. Major twists?

It turns out that Kendall wasn’t responsible for her brother’s death, it was her mother, Nora. But Nora can’t face the truth.

F. Reversals?

Kendall looks like she’s stealing, lying again, imagining things

G. Character betrayals?

Kendall’s mom and dad can’t break out of their denial, are stuck/get killed inside the kaleidoscope

H. Or any big surprises?

2. Make a list of any other things in your script that could interest a producer.

Gnarly death

Gnarly nightmarish scenes

Kid dies in opening scene

Demon priest

10 Most Interesting Things:

Villain is a demon that can put victims into separate versions of “reality”,

The villain is trapping the family inside a kaleidoscope with it, where it can feed on them

The kaleidoscope is essentially hell, where the victims are stuck in this personalized nightmare and can be fed on whenever the demon pleases

Kendall’s mom and dad can’t break out of their denial, are stuck/get killed inside the kaleidoscope

It turns out that Kendall wasn’t responsible for her brother’s death, it was her mother, Nora. But Nora can’t face the truth.

Kendall has broken free from the kaleidoscope, but she has to decide to go back in and try to save her family, risking her life once again.

Kendall is showing signs of being possessed by the kaleidoscope

But other family members are seemingly possessed as well

But it turns out that the kaleidoscope is really just separating each family member into their own “nightmare,” and posing as the other family members

Something is posing as your father, and your home becomes an inescapable maze. It’s as if you’re in a nightmare, but you’re really just fallen victim to… the kaleidoscope/Kid dies in opening scene

[Dan LoBrace]

Dan’s Marketable Components

What I learned: the 10 Components of Marketability. Really great info!

1. Logline: When a troubled teen finds a mysterious kaleidoscope that unleashes a plague of horrors into her home, she must figure out how to stop it before it sends her family into a fractal nightmare.

2. Components of Marketability for this script:

E. It’s a first – the horror genre has done many concepts before, usually several times, but a cursed kaleidoscope has not been done yet!

G. Wide audience appeal – this centers around a family, led by pair of sisters – a teen and an 8 year old – so both younger and older horror fans will be intrigued

To elevate my pitch, I’ll really have to emphasize how it truly is a first, which is rare in the horror genre – especially in the “cursed object” subgenre. I’ll also explain that this isn’t just a shallow concept; there is an extremely personal, emotional story here that perfectly fits into the kaleidoscope element. It quite literally couldn’t be written by anyone else.

[Dan LoBrace]

As a member of this group, I, Dan LoBrace, agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Dan LoBrace]

Dan’s Scary-As-Hell Scene

What I learned doing this assignment is… how effective it is to write a scene emotion-first instead of action-first.

Horror Situation: See another killed – Nora sees “Kendall” eating the family dog

Emotional arc: Anxiety to Panic

Filler emotions: Shock, Fear, Suspense

INT. GRADY HOME – EVENING

Nora is cleaning up after dinner. She stops when she hears SCRATCHING sounds coming from the basement door.

She slowly approaches the door as the scratching sounds get louder. More vicious. Like something is desperately trying to get out.

Nora creaks open the door – GASPS as something from the inside pushes it open further, and scurries past her feet.

It’s the family dog, ROOFUS, who wags his tail at her.

NORA: Roofus! What were you doing downstairs?

Nora hears the sound of whistling coming from upstairs. Roofus scurries up the stairs. Nora stops to hear the sounds of Roofus’ paws running toward a door. Followed by the sound of a door slamming shut.

Nora starts to go back to the kitchen, but stops when she hears the sound of a high-pitched screech. The sound an animal makes when it’s being attacked.

Nora runs up the stairs.

NORA: Kendall? What happened?

Nora stops at Kendall’s closed door. She presses her ear to the door to hear the loud sounds of CHEWING.

NORA: Kenny…?

Nora opens the door to see: KENDALL WITH A MOUTH FULL OF BLOOD, chewing on ROOFUS’ LIMB.

Nora screams – causing Kendall to look up at her, and frown. Kendall growls at Nora, and hops over her bed with supernatural grace. She runs toward the door, screeching.

Nora instinctively closes the door to protect herself. Kendall bangs on it loudly from the other side.

NORA: What is wrong with you!? Stop it! You need help! Kendall, please stop–!

Kendall BANGS the door down, making Nora get out of the way so it doesn’t knock her over. Nora runs through the hallway screaming, not even looking back as her daughter pursues her.

[Dan LoBrace]

Dan’s Scares, Releases, and Creepy moments!

What I learned doing this assignment is… how the tension and release dance makes a horror scene really come alive.

INT. GRADY HOME, KITCHEN – NIGHT

Nora takes cups out of the dishwasher and puts them in the cabinets. Suddenly, a cup gets stuck on something RED and RUBBERY.

Nora frowns, pulls on the red object. It’s stuck, but she gets it out. It snaps into her hand: it’s a deflated RED BALLOON.

Nora quivers. Emotion attacks her face, but she does everything she can to swallow it.

Just then, something GRABS HER ARM.

Nora gasps – closes the cabinet to see… it’s just Kendall. Nora looks back at the object in her hand to see its no longer there.

NORA: What is it? You just about gave me a heart attack.

KENDALL: I’m… hungry.

NORA: Dinner’s on the stove.

Kendall brings her pre-made plate to the table. Nora digs through the dishwasher to look for the balloon, but can’t find it.

She turns to see Kendall is at the table, sitting with her food. But not touching it.

NORA: Are you waiting for something?

KENDALL: Are you waiting for something?

NORA: Don’t do that.

KENDALL: Don’t do that.

Nora purses her lips, annoyed.

NORA/KENDALL: You’re acting like a chil– STOP IT!

KENDALL: Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

Kendall slams her fork on the table, pointy side landing right next to her other arm resting on the table.

NORA: Kendall, please! (Calling out) Jack. Jack!!!

Jack enters the room. Looks to see… no one at the table.

JACK: What?

Suddenly, Kendall comes in from the other hallway. She sits down at the table.

KENDALL: (re: dinner) Ooh, yum.

NORA: Why did you just do that?

KENDALL: Sorry. I’ll wait for you guys.

Nora looks at Kendall like she has a tail.

[Dan LoBrace]

Dan’s Level 3 Horror Emotion Scene

What I learned doing this assignment is… how potent the emotion of hysteria is. I thought my earlier scripts had it, but I haven’t been pushing my characters far enough emotionally. Now I know what to do!

INT. NORA’S MIRROR MAZE – KALEIDOSCOPE REALM

Kendall and Jack burst into the scene. Kendall looks around to see a mirror version of the nursery. She then spots Nora, cradling something tiny swaddled in a blanket.

Jack and Kendall run over to Nora.

JACK: Honey. Wake up.

Nora looks up at Jack and smiles.

NORA: Shhh. He’s sleeping.

JACK: Snap out of it!

Suddenly, a guttural moan echoes from outside the room. The walls begin to crack open.

JACK: Shit. (to Kendall) Talk to her.

Jack runs over to the wall and moves a dresser in front of a crack, blocking it.

KENDALL: Mom. Please. This isn’t real. That’s not Benjie.

NORA: Don’t joke about that.

KENDALL: Benjie died, mom!

NORA: No!

KENDALL: And it was your fault! You aren’t accepting that!

NORA: No, no, no!

KENDALL: You’ve got to face reality!

NORA: How can it be my fault he’s dead if I’m HOLDING HIM RIGHT NOW!?

KENDALL: You’re not! This isn’t real! We’re inside that fucking kaleidoscope!

NORA: Lower. Your. Voice. Your brother is sleeping.

Suddenly, a force knocks over the dresser, knocking over Jack with it. A LARGE, GAUNT FIGURE slithers through the crack in the wall and saunters into the room.

Kendall turns around and SCREAMS at the sight of the demon: it’s tall and wobbly and has no arms. Its arms are wrapped around its torso and head, seemingly charred over its eyes. It laughs like a hyena through its huge gaping mouth full of rat-like fangs.

The demon marches up to Nora and locks eyes with her. Its hands peel back from its face to reveal TWO KALEIDOSCOPIC EYES. Nora looks into them and SCREAMS – as her face becomes KALEIDOSCOPIC, and detaches from her body.

Kendall freezes watching this. In absolute horror.

Just then, Jack pulls Kendall away.

JACK: We’ve got to go.

KENDALL: No. Mom!!!!

An anguished Kendall tries to shake off Jack’s hold, but she stops when she realizes Nora is no more. The demon’s head then snaps up, looking at Kendall and Jack.

Kendall gasps, triggered into running away with Jack.

INT – MIRROR MAZE

Kendall and Jack dart through a maze of mirrors, trying to flee from the demon. Suddenly, it comes out of the mirror to the side of them, and grabs Jack. Two of the mirrors then move in between Kendall and the demon, leaving Kendall in a trap all by herself.

KENDALL: Dad! DADDDDD!!!!!!!

Kendall tries to smash the mirrors, but they’re too strong.

She crumbles to the floor, weeping.

[Dan LoBrace]

Dan’s Level 2 Horror Emotion Scene

What I learned doing this assignment is… how powerful dread is as a horror emotion, and the subtle difference between it and fear.

INT. KENDALL’S ROOM

Kendall comes back from the bathroom, rubbing her eyes. She passes the kaleidoscope. Checks her reflection in the mirror by her dresser.

Suddenly, she hears the sound of MUTTERING outside. Furrows her brow, walks to her window. Looks down to see…

AUSTIN ON THE GROUND OUTSIDE – SMILING AT HER

Kendall opens the window. Annoyed:

KENDALL: What the hell are you doing here?

Austin just smiles at her.

KENDALL: I said I don’t want to see you. Do I have to call the fucking cops?

Austin’s smile melts into a cartoonish sad pout.

KENDALL: Leave. Now!

Austin smiles again. He walks toward the wall of the house below Kendall’s window – until he’s out of her view.

Kendall books it into the hallway. She hears the sound of the FRONT DOOR OPENING. Her eyes bug out in fear.

She whips out her phone and calls Nora. No answer.

KENDALL: Fuck.

She then calls Jack, cracking open her door and looking into the hallway. No answer.

Kendall then takes a blunt object from her room and holds it like a weapon as she walks out.

She slowly walks down the hallway, to her parents’ room. Stops when she sees… Austin crawling into the room, and shutting the door.

Kendall gasps as she hears the sounds of Nora and Jack SCREAMING.

Kendall’s breaths become deeper.

KENDALL: What are you doing to them!?

She takes a breath, then marches into the room, holding the object.

INT – NORA AND JACK’S ROOM, CONTINUOUS

Kendall storms in.

KENDALL: Leave them alone!!!

NORA: What’s wrong!?

Nora turns on the lamp on her nightstand. Kendall looks around. No sign of Austin anywhere.

NORA: Kendall. Are you high right now?

[Dan LoBrace]

Dan’s Level 1 Horror Emotion Scene

What I learned doing this assignment is… which horror emotions are best suited for each act.

INT. GRADY HOME, KITCHEN – DAY

Nora cleans up the table. Hands Kendall her open backpack resting on the chair as she passes by.

Just then, the kaleidoscope falls out of it. Nora picks it up.

NORA: This is cute. Where’d you get it?

Kendall raises her brow at the sight of the object. How did that get in there?

KENDALL: Oh. Uh…

Nora clocks Kendall’s apprehension. Concern creeps onto her face.

NORA: Did you and Dad go to a toy store or something? Why do you even have this?

Kendall bites her lip. Knows how this will look.

KENDALL: I… don’t know how that got in there.

Jack walks into the room.

JACK (re: kaleidoscope): Is that from the estate sale?

Nora’s face drops in disappointment.

NORA: You’re stealing things now?

KENDALL: Seriously, Mom, I one-hundred percent have no idea how that got in there.

NORA: It must have just… hopped into your backpack, right?

JACK: It was on a table. Someone could’ve knocked it in there by accident.

NORA: Jack, please. (to Kendall) Why would you steal this? It doesn’t belong to you.

KENDALL: I didn’t steal it!

NORA: I hate how easily you can look me in the eye and lie.

KENDALL: I’m not lying!

JACK: It’s not a big deal, Nora. No one’s gonna miss it. It’s gotta be worth 20 bucks.

NORA: It is a big deal! (to Kendall) Please just… go to your room. (hands her the kaleidoscope) And take this with you. I don’t want to look at it.

Kendall stuffs the kaleidoscope into her backpack and storms out of the room.

INT. KENDALL’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Kendall sighs, lying on her bed. She takes out her phone, looks at a photo of herself holding a beaming TODDLER (her late younger brother). She puts the phone away and swallows her emotions.

Kendall turns to her backpack on the floor. Reaches out and grabs it, pulls out the kaleidoscope.

Kendall sits back and looks at it.

KENDALL: Thanks for getting me in trouble.

Kendall puts the object to her eye. Twists the front part to see:

AN ETHEREALLY BEAUTIFUL DISPLAY OF COLORS AND SHAPES

The way the colors move are almost impossible. It’s too beautiful for words.

Kendall giggles at the view.

She twists the tube again… to see:

THE BEAUTIFUL DISPLAY OF COLORS… SUDDENLY SHIFT INTO A DISTURBING DEMONIC FACE

Kendall gasps at the sight of the image. Then –

A THIN, NAIL-LIKE DAGGER juts out of the kaleidoscope, and goes RIGHT INTO KENDALL’S EYE.

She SCREAMS as her eye bleeds out.

INT. KENDALL’S ROOM – THE NEXT MORNING

Kendall wakes up in a jolt. She checks her eye, and sees it’s totally fine. Looks at the backpack, to see the kaleidoscope poking out of it. It was all a dream.

[Dan LoBrace]

Dan’s Horror Outline Version 1

What I learned doing this assignment is… there’s still more I need to develop, but this was a great way to break the story and produce the spine of the outline, so to speak.

INT – SUBURBAN HOME

A YOUNG BOY, 10, is trying to escape his home, as he’s pursued by an unseen force. He stops as he sees: two front doors. He doesn’t know which one to pick. With the figure approaching, he opens the left door and enters it.

Suddenly, he’s back in his room. He knows he fucked up, and starts screaming as a shadowy figure approaches him. The boy’s eyes grow wide… then wider… then impossibly, abnormally wide, as the top of his head bends backwards like someone’s trying to pry him open.

INT – THERAPY ROOM

KENDALL GRADY, 16, has her eyes closed while her therapist tries to get her to talk about an incident. Her therapist explains that Kendall isn’t helping herself by ignoring the facts around her. Just because her drug use led to a tragedy doesn’t mean she’s a drug addict; but at the same time, she has to hold herself accountable for what happened.

Kendall leaves therapy to see her mom, NORA GRADY, early 40s, waiting in the car with fast food. Nora comes across super supportive. Kendall explains that her therapist suggested she touch base with Austin and set the record straight. Kendall wonders if maybe he laced her joint that day by accident – to which Nora purses her lips disapprovingly.

The pair head home, where they see Kendall’s father/Nora’s husband JACK GRADY, 40s, working away on his laptop, talking about an upcoming estate sale.

The doorbell rings and it’s Austin, 17, Kendall’s friend, asking if he could talk to her. They talk outside on the front porch. Austin says he didn’t know what else to do because Kendall wasn’t responding to him: he wants to know how she’s doing, and to know that he would never hurt her in any way. Kendall says she’s doing okay, but the details of that day are still fuzzy, and she isn’t sure if she can trust Austin again. They get into an argument when Austin tries to challenge Kendall’s narrative of what happened; Kendall dismisses him and tells him to leave.

Inside, Nora tells Jack she doesn’t think it’s a good idea for Kendall to be talking to Austin, and she doesn’t trust leaving Kendall by herself this week when they both have work. Jack protests, but when Kendall comes inside, he tells her he needs her help at an estate sale tomorrow. She agrees to go, reluctantly. Nora is satisfied.

INT – SUBURBAN HOME/ESTATE SALE

Kendall joins Jack at the estate sale, which happens to be in the house of the boy that was killed in the opening scene. Jack tells Kendall that the family disappeared, and police aren’t sure what happened to them. Probably involved in shady business and left the country.

While sifting through the objects, Kendall finds an interesting looking KALEIDOSCOPE. She puts it to her eye and is awestruck by the almost impossible display of colors. The kaleidoscope moves in an otherworldly way – unlike any kaleidoscope she’s ever seen. She stops when she hears what sounds like the faint echo of the boy screaming. She looks around the house, puts the object back, and gets back to work.

INT. GRADY HOME

While doing Kendall’s laundry, Nora finds the kaleidoscope and Jack says it was from the estate sale. Nora assumes Kendall stole the kaleidoscope, but Kendall insists she didn’t. It must have… fallen into her bag? The family have an argument over Kendall being untrustworthy.

INT. KENDALL’S BEDROOM

Kendall lays on her bed and puts the kaleidoscope to her eye. Suddenly, a disturbing pattern emerges through the eyepiece; a needle is released from the kaleidoscope and it goes right through her eye – but Kendall then wakes up, realizing it was a nightmare.

INT. GRADY HOME – FOYER

At night, Kendall sees Austin outside, smiling at her creepily. He then slips toward the house, and Kendall hears noises downstairs. She runs downstairs, whispers for Austin. Sees something moving through one of the large cabinets on the bottom of the kitchen counter. She opens it, sees nothing. Nora comes downstairs, asks what’s going on. Kendall says she thinks someone is in the house. Nora wakes up Jack; they look around but don’t find anything.

ACT 2

INT. GRADY HOME – KITCHEN

The next morning, Nora cooks Kendall breakfast. Kendall slumps into her seat with a dead look in her eye. She doesn’t touch her food – just looks at Nora and grins. Everything Nora says, Kendall repeats it to her, backwards. Nora gets nervous, but Kendall snaps out of it the second Jack comes into the room.

INT – AUSTIN’S JOB

Kendall approaches Austin and tells him not to come to her house again. Austin doesn’t understand- says he was working last night. Kendall says he’s lying again, and a frustrated Austin grills her: says her facts about him aren’t adding up. Why would he lace her joint when he’s in love with her? He gave her a regular joint, because her parents were stressing her out.

There has to be another reason why she totally blacked out that day. Something happened with the baby that was so awful, Kendall must have blocked it out of her memory. That’s really what happened. Denial is a powerful thing. Kendall tells him to stop gaslighting her. She never wants to speak to him again.

INT – GRADY HOME

Nora is cleaning, telling Jack on the phone that something is wrong with Kendall. Suddenly, she hears something upstairs. She hears weird chewing noises coming from Kendall’s room. She bangs on the door; Kendall doesn’t answer. Suddenly, the chewing stops. Nora cracks open the door, and looks inside to see… Kendall floating in the air. Nora gasps, closes the door. Runs downstairs… to find Kendall downstairs, acting normal.

Nora tells Jack that something is wrong with Kendall. She’s acting… possessed or something. Jack tells Nora that she’s overreacting and that she needs to get out of the house. Her mind is playing tricks on her.

INT – KENDALL’S ROOM

Kendall looks at her reflection, notices her mirror has somehow grown… bigger? She looks at the kaleidoscope on her desk. She takes it and starts playing with it, looking at the colors. She takes it in the hallway to see the colors change into an otherworldly display. Then she hears something.

ANOTHER SCARY SCENE

After this, Kendall knows something is wrong and is keeping her eyes peeled to try to figure out what it is.

INT – THERAPIST’S OFFICE

Nora sits down with the therapist. Brings up Kendall’s strange behavior. The therapist tells her if he didn’t know any better, it sounds like Nora is saying Kendall was possessed. The therapist tells Nora there’s someone she should contact – someone better suited for this issue.

INT – GRADY HOME

Kendall realizes that there are MORE SMALL MIRRORS in the hallway, seemingly coming out of nowhere. She calls Jack and explains that something is in the house but she doesn’t know what. Jack shushes her, tells her she just has an overactive imagination. She’s always been so silly.

Kendall then tries to tell Nora, who acts scared toward her. Nora simply tries to calm Kendall down, which makes Kendall even more frustrated. Kendall goes into her room, and Nora answers the door to find – a PRIEST.

After Nora tells the Priest everything about the baby incident, the Priest tells Nora Kendall seems to have attracted an evil presence because of the unspeakable tragedy. It’s consuming her, and Nora must do whatever she can to stop it. Nora brings the Priest to Kendall’s room, where they find Kendall chewing on something under her bed. Kendall screeches like a banshee when the Priest puts holy water on her, and flees the room. Nora and the Priest look to see what’s under Kendall’s bed: a collection of BABY LIMBS. The Priest tells Nora that they need to take serious action.

Kendall, now seemingly normal, wakes up from a nap on the downstairs couch. As she goes upstairs… something starts to chase her through the house. It’s unclear what it is. She then turns into a corner and accidentally breaks a mirror. She then turns around to see… the Priest. But it’s not really a priest … It’s dressed as a priest but has a DEMONIC FACE WITH NO EYES.

Kendall screams, and runs out of the house.

Nora calls Jack, but he’s still at work. The Priest tells Nora that they don’t have time to waste; they need to take care of this now.

INT – JACK’S OFFICE

Kendall runs to her dad’s office. Finds out through his assistant that… he hasn’t been in the office in three days. WTF?

INT – GRADY HOME, BOILER ROOM

Jack gets a call from Nora in his “office.” He takes it; when he hangs up, we see he’s actually in the boiler room, without the faintest realization that’s where he actually is.

INT – AUSTIN’S HOME/PLACE OF WORK?

Kendall finds Austin. She makes sure that Austin really was at work on the dates he said he was (and not at her house). Once it checks out, she says something really weird is going on in her house. Austin helps her figure it out, and realize it all dates back to that kaleidoscope going into her house.

INT – GRADY HOUSE

The Priest returns from the basement, and tells Nora that her daughter is even more dangerous than they thought. The Priest believes she… somehow kept the baby alive, and is guarding it. Nora follows the priest downstairs, where Kendall is tied up, ready to be “exorcized”.

INT – JACK’S OFFICE

Kendall looks up the family from the estate sale, the last owners of the kaleidoscope. Austin cross references the family on social media, somehow connects them to a previous owner who managed to escape from the kaleidoscope. Kendall tells him to drive to the woman.

INT – GRADY HOME

The Priest and Nora confront the possessed Kendal. During the “exorcism”, Kendall gets loose and kills the priest, then brushes past Nora and runs away. Nora follows Kendall through the house.

EXT – WOMAN”S HOME

Kendall and Austin talk to the woman. She says that the kaleidoscope destroyed her family. She threw it in the dump. But she isn’t surprised that it found its way back to people.

The woman explains that the kaleidoscope makes you see things that aren’t there. Kaleidoscopes work by mirrors. So the kaleidoscope puts up mirrors in the house, and breaks the family members apart, locking them into their own nightmares.

The only way to get out is to get out of the house, and not go back. Eventually, the kaleidoscope will weaken and whatever entity lives inside it, will go to sleep. But once it’s woken up, it will do whatever it takes to lure its victims into its realm.

INT – GRADY HOME

Nora follows “Kendall” through the home, until she finds a GIGANTIC MIRROR DOOR that has somehow popped up in the threshold of the next room. Nora peaks her head inside, then starts to go back… until she hears the soft cries of the baby.

INT- BOILER ROOM

Jack continues to do his work. He hears his secretary tell him that his wife and daughter are here, and have planned a surprise party for him! He walks out of the “office” to enter the “kitchen,” with Kendall and Nora smiling at him creepily. They tell him to sit down for dinner.

They also take him through the mirror doors, where they reveal that they are made of plastic. They are life-size dolls that are always smiling. Jack smiles back at them, satisfied that everything is finally all right in the house.

INT – AUSTIN’S CAR

Austin tells Kendall that there’s no way any of this is real. Kendall tells him to come back to their house and see for himself.

EXT – GRADY HOME

When Kendall and Austin go inside, they don’t see anything. No parents. Nothing. Kendall realizes that she has to enter the house alone; the kaleidoscope doesn’t want Austin.

Kendall tells Austin to get help, and goes back into the house by herself. When she does, Austin immediately opens the door after her – but she isn’t there.

INT – GRADY HOME

Kendall travels through a mirror maze full of horrors; the shifting object, the demonic priest, deformed plastic people. Eventually, she stumbles upon a scene through the mirror. She rewatches the events of what happened that day: she was watching the baby when she smoked a joint, then passed out. While she slept the baby choked to death on a plastic toy airplane.

Kendall is frustrated. But she finally is ready to watch the scene again with objectivity. She realizes that she only smoked in her room out the window, which means she wasn’t watching the baby at the time. “Wait a minute… this couldn’t have happened.”

She realizes that that scene is being played out on a MIRROR. Angrily, she smashes the mirror, which cracks and reveals the actual scene: Nora falling asleep on the couch, then waking up to find the dead baby. Then… snapping.

INT – NORA’S MIRROR MAZE

Nora approaches “Kendall”, who is holding the baby. She takes the baby from Kendall, and says she thought she lost him! She’s so overcome with emotion.

INT – KENDALL’S MIRROR MAZE

Kendall watches Nora, in the memory, then storm into Kendall’s room and see her sleeping. Nora then shouts at Kendall, telling her she was supposed to be watching the baby!

Kendall realizes what happened: her mother slipped into denial, unable to face it was really her fault. Just then, the DEMON emerges: its arms are wrapped around its torso and face, covering its eyes. It has a wide mouth, laughing like a hyena. It chases Kendall out of the memory.

Goes through the maze and smashes another mirror, making her way into…

JACK’S MIRROR MAZE

Kendall bursts into the kitchen, where Jack is laughing with plastic Kendall and Nora. She convinces him that it’s not real, and he follows her to find Nora.

They smash more mirrors and stumble upon…

NORA’S MIRROR MAZE

Nora is cradling her baby in her hand. Kendall tries to tell her mother that this isn’t real: the baby is dead and… Nora was the one who was responsible for it. It’s unspeakably tragic but Nora has to face reality and wake up from this.

Nora doesn’t listen… then, the demon emerges.

Jack drags Kendall back, protecting her from the demon. The demon walks up to Nora and uncovers its eyes. Its eyes are kaleidoscopic. Nora’s face then becomes kaleidoscopic, and the demon devours her.

INT – MIRROR MAZE

Jack and Kendall run out of the maze, but the demon follows them. It almost catches them, but Kendall takes a mirror shard and stabs the demon. She then redirects the mirrors with Jack so that the demon is trapped, and scared of itself. This buys the duo enough time to leave the maze and escape from the house.

INT – GRADY HOME

Kendall and Jack leave their house, and go back into reality. They never enter the house again.

DEDUMONT

The kaleidoscope finds its way to an estate sale…

[Dan LoBrace]

Dan’s Character Journey Track

What I learned doing this assignment is… the essential questions to ask to build a character journey for horror.

Kendall Grady

Role (from Lesson 3): Carrier – brings the kaleidoscope into the home

Traits (main characteristics): messy, self-conscious, awkward teenager trying to go through her rebellious phase

Fears (Primal fears): Going insane

Wants/Needs (main motivations): Wants to prove to her parents that she’s not a fuck up, not going down the wrong path. Wants to figure out why Austin would lace her joint. / Needs to start facing reality, asking her parents the hard questions, realizing that she’s jumping to conclusions that don’t make sense.

Likability / Rooting factors: Trying to do better, socially awkward (in an endearing way), will do anything to please her parents,

How they react under stress (numb out, denial, avoid it, blame others, dramatize, angry, give up, shut down, deflect, etc.): Shut down, deny, get angry

Relationship with other characters: Daughter of Nora and Jack

Character Intro: She’s trying to ignore something – has her eyes closed. In therapy maybe?

Denial: N/A – Doesn’t know anything about the kaleidoscope before she experiences it herself.

Their reaction at first horror: Confused. Knows something odd is happening but doesn’t know what it is. She tries to voice concern to her parents, but she’s cautious about it.

Response after first horror: cautious and inquisitive. She knows something is wrong and is keeping her eyes peeled to try to figure out what it is

Relation to group after first horror: They think she’s being dramatic, maybe think she’s high? But they are also in their own nightmares by that point so they are only partly interacting with the real Kendall

Reaction as horror increases: Kendall manages to escape the house, and figure out what is going on. Takes charge, stops ignoring things

How they fight back: Kendall discovers that the mirrors in the home are the source of the kaleidoscopes power, so she smashes them/uses them to fight back

End Point: She rescues her father from the mirror maze and the two live.

What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience?: You have to face these horrors head on to beat them. Be crafty, outsmart it, and don’t let your own mind get the best of you.

Nora Grady

Role (from Lesson 3): Rescuer – would do anything to go back in time and save her baby

Traits (main characteristics): protective, selfish, delusional

Fears (Primal fears): fear of the unknown

Wants/Needs (main motivations): Wants to heal the family, make sure Kendall heals from the tragedy. / Needs to wake up and realize that she’s delusional and is rewriting what happened to the baby.

Likability / Rooting factors: She’s always forgiving to Kendall, gives her many chances. Is all about family.

How they react under stress (numb out, denial, avoid it, blame others, dramatize, angry, give up, shut down, deflect, etc.): Deny, deny, deny

Relationship with other characters: Mother to Kendall and wife to Jack

Character Intro: Waiting for Kendall outside of therapy, or in the car with treats

Denial: Doesn’t believe Kendall when she tells her about the “intruder”. Thinks Kendall is high again.

Their reaction at first horror: She goes with it because it fits into her denial narrative.

Response after first horror: She tries to help Kendall. She is worried, and tells Jack that Kendall is acting strange.

Relation to group after first horror: Thinks Kendall is dangerous, being even more of a helicopter parent to her. Jack doesn’t agree, so they become a bit strained.

Reaction as horror increases: She becomes convinced that her baby is still alive

How they fight back: She “fights Kendall” to get back her baby. But she’s really just going further into a nightmare.

End Point: She won’t budge from the kaleidoscope realm. She’s trapped. The demon devours her.

What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience?: Denial leads to destruction

Jack Grady

Role (from Lesson 3): Leader – family patriarch

Traits (main characteristics): light-hearted, hard working, rational

Fears (Primal fears): fear of the unknown

Wants/Needs (main motivations): Wants to get as much work done as he can, needs to focus more on home life and family members

Likability / Rooting factors: Silly, optimistic, proud of Kendall no matter what, knows a lot of random information

How they react under stress (numb out, denial, avoid it, blame others, dramatize, angry, give up, shut down, deflect, etc.): Deny, avoid it, shut down

Relationship with other characters: Father to Kendall, husband to Nora

Character Intro: reading book of factoids while Nora and Kendall unpack groceries

Denial: Thinks Kendall is having anxiety when Nora tells him about her run in with intruder

Their reaction at first horror: Denies it

Response after first horror: Thinks he’s too tired. Convinces Kendall it’s nothing. Gets a little stern with her.

Relation to group after first horror: Strained with Kendall, then with Nora.

Reaction as horror increases: Starts to fall for the nightmare. Goes deeper into the kaleidoscopes madness

How they fight back: Kendall snaps him out of it. He distracts demon at one point so Kendall can figure out how they can escape

End Point: He and Kendall escape

What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience?: Denial leads to destruction. Snap out of it or suffer the consequences!

[Dan LoBrace]

Dan’s Plan for Increasing Perceived Value

What I learned doing this assignment… is that producers actually use LinkedIn.

1. What is your speciality? Describe your expertise in that speciality in one or two sentences.

I’m a horror guy. I love writing all things supernatural and trying to put a fresh spin on it.

2. How many producers do you have in your LinkedIn Network?

I haven’t been using my LinkedIn for screenwriting networking, so… 0.

3. Looking at the list above titled “Increasing Your Perceived Value,” please tell us your plan for increasing your value in these three time frames:

A. Today: I’ll finish catching up on the lessons in this class.

B. In the next 30 days: Start networking on LinkedIn.

C. In the next 6 months: Keep networking at film festivals, reaching out to producers, working on my samples.

[Dan LoBrace]

Dan is a Note-Taking Professional!

What I learned doing the assignment is… to be prepared to work, be adaptable, and be flexible when working with producers.

1. Tell us the logline of your treatment from the last assignment.

Earworm: When a disillusioned singer returns to Los Angeles to investigate her sister’s mysterious death, she discovers a cursed EDM song that unleashes nightmarish forces onto its listeners.

2. Tell us how you would honor each of the following requests:

Cut the budget in half: Instead of this taking place in Los Angeles, I could set it in Nashville, Atlanta, or another smaller, cost-friendly city. I could also replace all the one hit wonders featured in the story with lesser known or original songs. Then I could cut down on the VFX-heavy finale by having Cara sink into the floor of the cave rather than the floor coiling up like a snake.

Write it for a different audience (quadrant): My current quadrant is for males and females under 25. I could target the upper quadrants by making Cara older, perhaps even making Cara Mel’s mom instead of her sister.

Double the conflict: I could curse Cara earlier in the film, which would make for more music scare sequences. I could also curse Brett, which would give him scare sequences, too. And I could even extend the current music scare sequences, give Kyro more opportunities to expose the victims to music.

Change the sex and age of the lead character: Cara is a 30-year-old female. I could make this about a 16 year old male: an aspiring musician who flees to LA when he hears that his older sister died after listening to a “cursed song”.

Change the genre: I could make this a dark drama; a cautionary tale about the music industry. Almost an anti-La La Land. I’d take out the cursed song plot, and would have Mel’s “overdosed” staged by the record company. Keep the conspiracy plot, but make it more realistic.

[Dan LoBrace]

Dan’s Decreased Budget

What I learned doing this assignment is… that there are many ways to decrease a budget in the script. I was nervous to have to lose a set piece in the finale since it’s gonna be expensive to film, but I realized that there are other parts in my script where the budget could be significantly trimmed.

MAIN VARIABLES

Expensive locations – Hollywood Blvd, warehouse,

Special effects – Kyro’s wiry tentacles, the ending cave Earworm scene, arm burning, body violence,

Crowd scenes – Mel’s funeral, nightclub, Hollywood Blvd,

Special sets – the cave/the Earworm, underground tunnels

SECONDARY VARIABLES

Rights to music, brands, books, etc – lots of one hit wonders

Night scenes – quite a few night scenes

Extensive Make-up – Cara’s skin gets torn off. Kyro will need heavy monster prosthetics

Anything else dangerous that increases preparation time and/or Insurance – Mel parked near a busy highway

Five ways to reduce budget:

Rights to music: Change the featured songs from popular one hit wonders to lesser known tracks, or even original songs.

Crowd Scenes: Mel’s funeral could be a smaller crowd

Expensive locations: Hollywood Blvd could be a different LA street

Anything else dangerous/Green screen: Mel parked near a busy highway; she could be parked on a quieter street, which would still enhance the horror

SFX: Kyro’s wiry tentacles could be scaled back, featured significantly less

2. With a major scene that depends upon a “high budget variable,” take it through the process of finding another way to deliver on the dramatic goal.

1. Tell us about the high budget item in your script that you are letting go of.

There’s a scene where two of the characters discuss the curse while walking down Hollywood Boulevard.

2. Ask, “What is the dramatic goal am I trying to accomplish with this scene?”

The goal of this scene is to emphasize the themes of fame and celebrity, which are always in the background and an important part of both the story’s villain/monster and the main character’s arc. It is also a busy street that would have people playing music on it; music is a terrorizing force in this film.

3. Ask, “How can I accomplish the dramatic goal without the expense?”

I would have them walk down a street similar to Hollywood Blvd, and we can dress the street with ads of musicians/celebrities endorsing products. It would have the same effect, without the cost of filming on one of the most iconic, busiest streets in the country.

[Dan LoBrace]

Dan’s Monster Reveal Track

What I learned doing the assignment is… how to make each monster reveal more impactful.

A. Who is your monster and what is their terror?

A demon trapped in a kaleidoscope.

Powers: Once it finds its new “nest” (e.g., a house), the demon can manipulate the realities of its victims and use their own fears and denials to isolate them from each other. Eventually, the people living in the same house won’t actually be interacting with each other; they’ll be interacting with the demon’s fake, nightmarish versions of each other.

Limitations: The demon is magically bound to the kaleidoscope, so it can’t escape. It has to pull its victims in. It also can’t do anything if the victim leaves the “nest” before it becomes too powerful.

Weaknesses: It uses mirrors to play with victims, so if those mirrors are destroyed, it becomes weaker, and its “distortions” disappear. It also doesn’t like to look at itself.

Plan/Purpose/Appetite: The demon will warp the realities of the victims so that they are slowly leaving this reality and entering “The Unreason,” which is essentially a hell space where they are fully detached from reality. In this space, they are now in the haunted kaleidoscope, where the demon will keep them and feed on their souls/energy.

B. Sequence the reveals

Reveal: Whatever this monster is, it’s capable of creating all kinds of horrors

Demand: Escalate terror

Reveal: The kaleidoscope seemingly brings a supernatural entity into the house, that hides in the cabinets

Demand: Escalate terror

Reveal: It can also seemingly possess people

Demand: Escalate terror

Reveal: The kaleidoscope is also seemingly making this family go insane

Demand: Escalate terror

Reveal: Kendal notices the mirrors in the house are growing bigger somehow, and more tiny ones are popping up on the walls

Demand: Create interest through discovery

Demand: What is really causing all these supernatural occurrences?

Reveal: There is seemingly a demonic entity hiding in the shadows of the home. The demon’s arms are wrapped around its torso and face, covering its eyes. It has a wide mouth, laughing like a hyena.

Demand: How is this affecting the lives of the family outside the home?

Reveal: The kaleidoscope is distorting time – Kendall learns that the family hasn’t left their house for almost a week

Demand: What is really going on in the house?

Reveal: The demon is causing everyone to go into deeper denial, and is creating hellish scenarios that fit their distorted narratives

Demand: How does this tie back to the kaleidoscope?

Reveal: Kendall learns that A demon is trapped inside the kaleidoscope. The previous owner of the kaleidoscope died, along with his whole family. The owner before that survived by fleeing the house, and never going back

Demand: Learn weaknesses and limitations of monster, creates interest by character putting together the pieces

Demand: What is the demon trying to do?

Reveal: The demon can lure its victims into its lair: the mirrors in the house are now doors that Nora and Jack are tricked into entering

Demand: What happens if other people enter the house?

Reveal: Kendall returns with Austin; but the house is normal and empty. Her parents nowhere to be found

Demand: Can Kendall’s parents be saved?

Reveal: Kendall goes through the maze in the home and realizes that the mirrors are causing the “distortions.” The mirrors can be smashed, which destroys a distortion.

Demand: Establishes weakness, creates interest by character putting together the pieces

Reveal: The demon moves its hands away from its eyes before taking a victim. Its eyes are kaleidoscopic. Nora’s face becomes kaleidoscopic, the demon devours her.

Demand: Escalates terror/violence

Demand: How can they save themselves?

Reveal: The demon chases Kendall and Jack through the mirror maze, and Kendall takes a mirror shard and stabs the demon, then redirects the mirrors with Jack so that the demon is trapped, and scared of itself. This buys the duo enough time to leave the maze and escape from the house.

[Dan LoBrace]

Dan’s Character Death Track

What I learned doing this assignment… is how to make my kills land harder.

Character 1: young boy/opening kill

Why: Kicks off the horror

How: He’s trapped in the nightmare realm. He screams, and his face starts to move oddly… but the scene ends before we can understand how he died.

Character 2: Nora Grady

Why: This story is literally about denial, how failing to face reality leads to our destruction. So Nora dies because she’s in denial, which also violates the moral rule of this film, and is a huge character flaw.

How: Trapped in her own hellish nightmare, where her baby is still alive, Nora refuses to snap out of it and return back to reality with her daughter and husband. The demon then unmasks itself: it’s the baby she’s holding. It opens its mouth wide and reveals a kaleidoscopic light; suddenly, Nora screams, as her face, then body, becomes kaleidoscopic. She becomes pixelated and disappears in front of Kendall and Jack.

[Dan LoBrace]

Dan’s Horror Situation Track

What I learned doing this assignment… is how many different horror situations there are! (I switched to a slightly more developed idea of mine since I don’t have as much bandwidth at the moment to fully bake a new idea from scratch)

ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR

Atmosphere of Evil established: opening teaser of last victim of demon being killed/trapped in nightmare

Horror Situation: Monster trying to get to you – we don’t know what’s happening exactly, but the demon is about to kill someone

Reaction – Escape (in this case, fail to escape…)

Connect with the characters: Teenage Kendall, her mother Nora, and father Jack are a fractured family who are all experiencing some level of denial after the baby/Kendall’s brother died in a preventable accident. We’re made to believe that Kendall was supposed to be looking after him at the time and got high. Kendall thinks her friend-turned-lover, Austin, laced her joint with something, which knocked her out that day and made her forget what happened.

Safety taken away: Kendall finds a kaleidoscope at a garage sale or something. It somehow follows her home and she uses it. The shapes on the kaleidoscope are so beautiful, almost impossible. Then she has a nightmare that the kaleidoscope releases a needle that goes through her eye.

Horror Situation: Internal conflict in the group – Nora thinks Kendall stole the kaleidoscope; it simply followed her home.

Reaction: Denial – Nora sticks to her own narrative, despite Kendall insisting it’s not true

Monster: Kendall and Nora each have a brush with something supernatural. Kendall sees an object hiding in the cabinets, and believes something is in the house. Meanwhile, Nora has a separate interaction with Kendall, where Kendall starts to act possessed.

Horror Situation: Unknown motive – We don’t know what’s going on here. Why is Kendall possessed in one scene and seemingly the protagonist in another? What did the kaleidoscope do?

Reaction: Denial – both try to brush off the strange encounters

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN

Isolated / Trapped / Abducted: It’s unclear what’s really going on, but the demon is isolating each of the characters into their own personal nightmares. Austin visits the house and Kendall thinks he’s trying to kill her. Nora sees Kendall eating what looks like baby limbs.

Horror Situation: See another killed – Nora sees “Kendall” eating babies

Reaction: Hide – Nora runs away from “Kendall,” tries to tell Jack but he’s caught up in his own supernatural play.

Meanwhile, Jack’s interactions with Nora and Kendall get weirder; they are happy all the time, and are starting to turn… plastic and doll-like?

Horror Situation: The only one who sees the monster – Each family member sees some form of the demon, but no one else believes them, because they’re already isolated

Reaction: Denial – they are too confused to realize what’s going on

One of us killed: Kendall accidentally kills the family dog, thinking it’s the supernatural entity in the house.

MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought: The demon trapped in the kaleidoscope temporarily reveals itself to Kendall – it is turning the house into a literal kaleidoscope of horrors, and trapping the family.

Full pursuit by the killer: Nora and Jack’s “nightmares” get more disturbing. Nora hears the crying of a baby and follows the sound. She thinks her baby is still alive.

Horror Situation: Being lured into danger – The demon lures Nora with the sounds of a crying baby

Reaction: Denial – Nora believes it’s really her baby

Meanwhile, Kendall manages to get out of the house. She learns that the kaleidoscope houses a demon that is basically warping the realities in the house, isolating each family member in their own personal hell, so it can trap them and feed on their souls.

Terrorized: Nora and Jack are pulled into the kaleidoscope realm. The house’s walls open up and a room of mirrors takes them.

Environment changing around you – The walls of the house become like mirrors

Reaction: Denial – they don’t even notice

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR

Horror Situation: Friends in danger – Kendall has to save her parents

Reaction: Try to solve it – Kendall goes back into the home

Fight to the death: Kendall follows the maze in the house to find her parents; she must face her own nightmare to get there, and learns that she wasn’t responsible for the baby’s death: it was Nora, who is in deep denial about it because she can’t deal with the truth.

Horror Situation: Trapped – Nora and Jack are trapped in their own “nightmares”

Reaction: Denial – They don’t realize these aren’t real

She locates Jack and snaps him out of it. They then find Nora but can’t snap her out of it.

Hysteria: The demon reveals itself and devours Nora.

Horror Situation: Face to face with the monster

Reaction: Escape

The thrilling escape from death: Kendall and Jack run out of the maze.

Horror situation: Attacked or chased – The demon tries to chase Kendall and Jack

Reaction: Fight

Death returns to take one or more: The demon tries to follow them, but they outsmart it. Kendall shatters the mirrors in the nightmare house, and they go back into their real house.

Resolution: Kendall and Jack leave their house, and go back into reality. They never enter the house again. The kaleidoscope eventually finds its way to an estate sale…

[Dan LoBrace]

Dan’s Horror Plot

What I learned doing the assignment is… there are many ways to bake a concept; you don’t have to fully develop the monster/horror before plotting out the story. In this case, writing a rough version of the plot helped me discover things about my monster.

ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR

Atmosphere of Evil established: Opening teaser of last victim of monster being killed

Connect with the characters: Meet the gang (Bailey, Aiden, Chuck, Heather, and Trevor). They are thrill seeking teens going to creepy abandoned warehouse to film stunts

The characters are warned not to do it: Jess, Bailey’s younger sister, tells them not to go

Denial of Horror: They go anyway.

Safety taken away: While doing a stunt, Bailey falls through the ground floor, and into the basement. Despite the bad fall, she gets up. She’s fine, save for some scrapes. Just then… she finds the dead victim from the opening scene.

Monster: Bailey hears echoes of the monster. Sees something standing in the darkness. It steps closer. Suddenly, SHE CAN’T MOVE. The rest of the group comes down. The thing goes away. But Bailey still can’t move.

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN

Isolated / Trapped / Abducted: Bailey is now in a wheelchair, even though her legs aren’t broken. She’s having a tough time adjusting – this is her worst nightmare. Cops identified the victim they found; someone who went missing 5 years ago.

One of us killed: Aiden watches Bailey by themselves. (Her parents died in a car crash taking her back from gymnastics – she was trapped in the burning car with them and couldn’t move. An EMT had to pull her out.) Suddenly, a creepy scarecrow looking thing is in the backyard. Aiden goes out, locks eyes with it. It shifts his attention toward him, now his legs can’t move. It’s the monster! Bailey suddenly can walk again. She tries to call for help, but suddenly, the monster runs at Aiden. He then can’t move his arms. Then he can’t speak. Bailey comes back to find him dead.

MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought: He follows those who he starts to paralyze, needing to finish the job.

Full pursuit by the killer: The rest of the group comes together and as Bailey explains the creature is real, and is stalking them. The teen who was identified was reported to have lost the ability to walk and told her friends that there was something following her. The teen seemingly went out to the abandoned warehouse because she thought the monster would be trapped after it devoured her, since it can only move if it latches on to someone.

Terrorized: Heather and Trevor get stalked and killed by the monster while looking for it in the cornfields. Even with his legs paralyzed, Trevor almost manages to escape – but the monster copies his ability to jump far, and jumps far so that it gets into closer range, paralyzing Trevor completely, before devouring him.

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR

Fight to the death: Bailey, Chuck, and Jess are pursued. They realize the monster flees when there’s a group of people: it can only paralyze and target one person at a time.

Hysteria: Even though they work together to trap it in their basement, the monster outsmarts the group and kills Chuck, then targets Jess. During this time, Bailey realizes that the monster’s body gets hurt if the person it has a “hold” of gets hurt in the same way. (Chuck’s arm gets cut up during his death scene, and the monster’s does as well, as if mirroring Chuck’s wound.)

The thrilling escape from death: Bailey distracts the monster and puts herself in its crosshairs. Now, she’s prepared to trap it, even without her legs. She uses all her strength and wits to get onto the second floor – only to jump off, intentionally breaking her legs. This makes the monster’s legs break. The girls then pull a trap door to their basement and lock the monster inside.

Death returns to take one or more: The monster locks eyes with Jess through cracks in the floor. She becomes paralyzed; it reaches up for her, tearing through the floor, but Bailey crawls inside and stabs the creature in the eyes repeatedly. It loses its hold on Jess, and falls into the basement, lifelessly.

Resolution: Bailey and Jess set the house on fire for good measure. They live to fight another day.

[Dan LoBrace]

Dan’s Fantastic Treatment

What I learned doing this assignment is… how what details to leave out while highlighting the essential story beats in my treatment.

I’m using the 3 Act Structure

Title: Family Dinner

Genre: Horror

Logline: A gay teenager’s struggle to survive a weekend with his extended family turns deadly when he and his misfit cousins are hunted down by the brood in the name of a sinister family tradition.

Opening: Present day. COLTON PAYNE, 17, talks to his boyfriend on Facetime. Colton laments about having to spend time with his very conservative family over the weekend because his grandfather is on his deathbed. The boyfriend asks if he’s finally going to come out to his family, to which Colton admits he’s not sure how they’ll react. Colton’s dad, THOMAS, walks in on Colton jokingly twerking for his boyfriend. It’s super awkward. Dad says they are “ready to go”.

Inciting Incident: After a tense car ride over with his pill-popping mother CECILE, and uncomfortably cold sister, ALICE, the family gets to Grandpa’s mansion. Grandmother ELENA brings them to the backyard, where the rest of the family is playing reunion-type games. Colton hangs out with his cousin SARAH, 18, a fellow family misfit. They both watch as their UNCLE introduces the family to his illegitimate daughter, IRIS, 9. Colton then spots his Aunt KRISTEN trying to console her THREE YOUNG CHILDREN, while blatantly ignoring the loudest, most obnoxious child, PRESTON, 8, who whines about wanting to have cake.

First Act Turning Point: Elena tells Preston that desert is being served downstairs, but he can’t tell anyone. She sends him into a furnished basement, where hears the growls of some sort of CREATURE. He tries to run out of the basement, but the creature kills him. Upstairs, Colton, Sarah, and Iris are seated at the end of a long table, next to an empty place setting. Colton and Sarah notice the family is acting super weird, forcing the three misfits to drink a different type of drink. He asks what’s going on, to which a fed-up Aunt Kristen says: “We’re trying to poison you, dear.” In a panic, Colton takes Sarah’s lighter, and lights the tablecloth on fire. He and Sarah grab Iris and escape amid the chaos; they sneak into the vents and hide.

Midpoint: Through the vents, they overhear Elena telling the younger cousins that Grandpa did not die: he is actually their Great-Great-Grandfather, who must eat four of his descendants every 90 years so he can regenerate into a young man again. The family offered their children ahead of time. Elena will release Grandpa so he can sniff out the misfits and complete the ritual. After forming a plan to get out, the misfits crawl through the vents while evading Alice, who followed them with blow darts. They enter a spare bedroom, then move into the hallway — where they see a GAUNT CREATURE (it’s Grandpa), who chases them into a room, bursts through the wall, and eats Sarah, as Colton and Iris escape out the window.

Second Act Turning Point: Colton and Iris scale the house, make it down the terrace, and jump into the pool. In the backyard, they find Elena, who is holding the family’s Rottweiler. Thomas appears next to her, says he always knew Colton was too “sensitive” to survive the business world, so he chose to give him up a long time ago. Elena releases the dog, forcing Colton to kill it with a croquet mallet. Thomas then pulls out a gun, but Cecile shoots him from a window, giving Colton and Iris time to escape.

Crisis: Colton and Iris make it to Sarah’s father’s car. They turn it on, drive through the gate. Alice follows them and shoots their car tire. They crash into a tree; Iris is captured and brought back to the house, but, in a rare moment of empathy, Alice tells Colton to run.

Climax: Colton goes back to the house to rescue Iris. He distracts his father by saying that he wants to battle for the chance to stay alive against Alice. During the game, he shoots Grandpa and subdues his father.

Resolution: In the end, Iris saves Colton. They destroy Grandpa and leave the rest of the family to fight (to the death) over their fortune.

[Dan LoBrace]

Dan’s Characters for Horror

What I learned doing this assignment is… the many different types of victims/survivors in horror movies can pretty much be categorized into the aforementioned groups.

Concept: A group of teens are terrorized by a monster that literally paralyzes them with fear.

Group D- Thrill Seekers. It would be cool if these teens were thrill seekers, since those types are very active and have a lot of cool physical abilities that perhaps the monster can “copy” from them when it paralyzes them. I think the terror would hit harder if these super active teens had to deal with paralysis, and it would give them a good excuse for being somewhere to explore where the monster could be lying dormant for decades.

Dying Pattern: A – six to eight friends form the group. They get picked off one by one.

Identity and a sentence for each character that makes up your group:

Rebel: Bailey, 16 – former gymnast who wasn’t disciplined enough to keep up with the competition. Now she’s drawn to high adrenaline thrill seeking because she can use her body in similar ways, and it is the only thing that makes her feel alive.

Leader: Aiden – Bailey’s boyfriend, 17. He wants to go viral for his stunts (stuff like you see on the @lifeontheedge IG account) and thinks he can make a career out of thrill seeking activities. He’s not wrong – people do it – but he definitely puts his pride above his safety.

Rescuer: Chuck – Aiden’s best friend, 17. He’s always double checking the physics of the stunts and wants to be there if Aiden cracks his skull or something. He’s also usually the one filming.

Out of control: Trevor – Aiden’s friend/rival, 20. Tries to out-do Aiden and is even more reckless. He’s more punk rock and freestyle; Aiden is more by-the-book with their stunts.

Complainer: Heather – Bailey’s friend, 18, thinks this is stupid and ridiculous but is sleeping with Trevor and has nothing better to do but to tag along. It’s summer, after all.

Moral One: Jess – Bailey’s 13-year-old sister; thinks Bailey and her friends are up to no good, so she sneaks in their van and goes with them, hoping to bust them. She unfortunately gets caught in the supernatural craziness.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  Dan LoBrace.

[Dan LoBrace]

Dan LoBrace’s Terrifying Monster

What I learned from this assignment is… how building a monster can help build plot points and interesting scene ideas in your story!

I haven’t named my monster yet, but it is a gaunt, humanoid creature that has roamed the world since perhaps the beginning of time, picking off the unfortunate victims who walk into its path. It lies dormant for years, then when it locks eyes with a victim, it paralyzes them. In this story, it finds its way into a rural town.

Their Terror: The monster psychically turns its victims into vegetables as it gets closer and closer, then devours them.

Their Mystery: The monster can only attack/paralyze one victim at a time, so others can work together to escape it or even try to kill it. However, it is adaptable and intelligent, and can likely outsmart a group of kids working together.

Their Fear Provoking Appearance: Still ruminating on this. Definitely humanoid. I keep comparing it to a scarecrow in my head, so maybe a grotesque, Cronenbergian scarecrow? Maybe it takes up the appearance of a scarecrow while it “waits” for its victim, and almost enters this dormant state. Because years can go by until its next victim comes in its path. It would want to be something that draws others’ eyes to it.

Their Rules: It can only move once it locks eyes with a human victim. Once this has happened, the monster will psychically paralyze the victim, legs first, so they can’t move. Then the monster can walk toward the victim, paralyzing the victim more and more the closer it gets. It can also jump, especially if the victim is, say, a skilled athlete.

Their Mythology: Not sure yet. I like the fact that this being has always existed; it’s like Bigfoot or something. Also not quite sure what it represents, so maybe discovering that will help narrow down the mythology.

[Dan LoBrace]

Dan LoBrace’s Interview Experience

What I learned during the assignment is… how an idea can come to life more simply by speaking about it with another person. As a producer, I realized that producers care about their projects as much as writers do, and that even if they don’t know exactly what they want, they know when something is going in the wrong direction. As a writer, I realized the difference between giving feedback and illuminating the producer’s vision of the project – they require similar skills, but are very different.

[Dan LoBrace]

THE BIRDS Horror Conventions

What I learned doing the assignment is… isolation plays a much more important role in creating the terror than I thought.

Title / Concept: The Birds / An army of birds brutally attack the residents of a seaside town, forcing the townspeople to attempt to make a dangerous escape.

Terrorize The Characters: The characters are driven beyond hysteria as legions of birds gather and attack them in a systematic way, and with relentless pursuit.

Isolation: The town the attacks occur in is cut off from the rest of society. Moreover, the birds force the characters to hide in their homes, isolating them even further.

Death: Residents are shown getting their eyes pecked out and being covered in attacking birds that leave them dead on the ground.

Monster/Villain: The birds are set off for seemingly no reason, and all know when they are about to attack. It’s like they share this hive mind that makes them gather, then turn violent at once. They then stop simultaneously, only to restart the process once again. These organized, rhythmic attacks turn up the creep factor of it all.

High Tension: The characters have no way of stopping the birds. The characters must either hide or attempt to escape.

Departure from Reality: We’re all familiar with birds. This film turns the familiar into the terrifying by making the birds go crazy. While animals do attack, birds attacking en masse on this scale is a departure from reality.

Moral Statement: Many of the characters simply see birds as these unintelligent creatures. They underestimate nature and our power as humans, and are in for a rude awakening when they realize how hopeless it is once it’s clear the birds are uniting – and that we don’t stand a chance against them.

My project…

Concept: A group of teenagers are attacked by a monster that literally paralyzes them with fear.

Terrorize The Characters: The characters have an excruciatingly difficult time getting away from this monster. When the monster locks eyes with someone, it paralyzes them; first it numbs the victim’s legs, making the monster able to walk. Then it numbs their arms, so it can reach out at them as it walks closer. Then it numbs their mouth so they can’t speak. They are completely paralyzed by the time it approaches them. Then, it… eats them in some gnarly way, I guess?

Isolation: The town that this takes place in is a more rural town, surrounded by cornfields maybe? Then when the monster attacks, the victims can’t really move, so they are isolated in that sense.

Death: The monster leaves its dead victims all kinds of f**ked up. Not sure how yet. But it’s gonna be gross!

Monster/Villain: I want it to be scarecrow-esque. Maybe it poses as a scarecrow, drifting from one place to another in search of victims?

High Tension: The victims have no way of stopping the monster; they can only evade it.

Departure from Reality: Supernatural monster

Moral Statement: Not sure yet…

[Dan LoBrace]

Hey everyone. I’m Dan LoBrace. I’ve written about a dozen scripts; used to write comedy but pivoted into horror a while back and haven’t looked back. I have three horror features written.

I’m hoping to become a master at writing horror.

My last job was writing for an entertainment news outlet, where I often wrote about true crime stories that were more disturbing than any horror film I’ve ever seen.

[Dan LoBrace]

Dan LoBrace

I agree to the terms of this release form.

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Dan LoBrace]

Dan LoBrace’s Synopsis For Producer Interview

Title: Family Dinner

Genre: Horror/(Comedy?)

Logline: A gay teenager’s struggle to endure a night with his extended family turns deadly when he and his misfit cousins find themselves being hunted down by the rest of the brood in the name of a sinister family tradition.

Synopsis:

Teaser: The year is 1708. A young CHILD tells his younger brother the story about how their dad went to go hunt the WITCH in the woods. “Father will come back with gold!” “But what if the witch kills him?” They hear creepy noises; see someone come inside. The younger brother is swiped by a shadow into the darkness; blood is sprayed everywhere. The older brother, LIONEL, gasps as a shadow approaches him.

Act 1: Present day. COLTON PAYNE, 17, talks to his boyfriend on Facetime. Colton laments about having to spend time with his very conservative family over the weekend because his grandfather is on his deathbed. The boyfriend asks if he’s finally going to come out to his family, to which Colton admits he’s not sure how they’ll react. Colton’s dad, THOMAS, walks in on Colton jokingly twerking for his boyfriend. It’s super awkward. Dad says they are “ready to go”.

After a tense car ride over with his pill-popping mother CECILE, and uncomfortably cold sister, ALICE, the family gets to Grandpa’s mansion. The family is greeted by Grandmother ELENA, who brings them to the backyard, where the rest of the family is playing reunion-type games. Colton hangs out with his cousin SARAH, 18, a fellow family misfit. They both watch as their UNCLE introduces the family to his illegitimate daughter, IRIS, 9. Colton then spots his Aunt KRISTEN trying to console her THREE YOUNG CHILDREN, while blatantly ignoring the loudest, most obnoxious child, PRESTON, 8, who whines about wanting to have cake.

Colton and Sarah take Iris into the great room and show her the big family tree. They explain their great grandpa, Lionel, struck it big by creating an oil empire. Iris asks what Grandpa was like, to which Sarah says he was kind of scary. Iris admits she finds the whole family scary. Like they all have a secret or something they’re not telling her. Colton and Sarah admit to each other that they’ve always felt the same way.

Meanwhile, Preston keeps fussing over wanting sweets. Elena overhears, tells him that desert is being served downstairs. But he can’t tell anyone. She sends Preston downstairs, into a furnished basement. In the basement, Preston hears the sounds of something on CHAINS, and the growls of some sort of CREATURE. He sees something and his eyes light up in fear; he tries to run out of the basement, but the creature attacks him. Blood splatters everywhere.

Act 2: Upstairs, dinner is served. Before they sit, Colton and Sarah overhear Elena consoling Kristen, telling her the feeding has already begun. Kristen says the eldest were supposed to be offered first. In the dining room, Colton, Sarah, and Iris are seated at the end of a long table, under a big portrait of their grandfather, next to an empty place setting. Colton sees his mother is crying, looking at him fondly. Servants pour the rest of the family wine, then pour the trio a different type of beverage.

Sarah asks if she can have some of what they’re drinking instead. Sarah’s father tells her not to mouth off; they must drink what’s in front of them. Colton finds this weird and says he’d also like a different drink. Elena raises a glass, asks them to toast to Grandpa Benjamin. The whole family looks at the trio, making sure they raise their glasses. Colton sees his sister flash an evil smile. He tells Sarah and Iris not to drink their beverages. Colton asks what’s going on, to which a fed-up Kristen says: “We’re trying to poison you, dear.”

Suddenly, the other family members get up; servants lock the doors. In a panic, Colton takes Sarah’s lighter, and lights the tablecloth on fire. Everyone starts freaking out. He and Sarah grab Iris and escape amid the chaos. They are let out by a friendly servant.

The other family members follow, and the trio climb a bookcase in the study that reaches the second-floor balcony. In the process, the bookcase falls on a few of the cousins who are chasing them, killing them instantly. The misfits go into their secret hiding place and hide in the vents of the home. Inside the vents, they try to figure out what’s going on. Through the vents, they overhear Elena telling the real family story to two concerned younger cousins:

In 1708, Nathaniel Payne sought out the infamous Wicker Witch for the gift of eternal life. The Witch told him that to have eternal life, he must drink the blood of a witch, and she would give him some of hers if he gave her his child. Instead, Nathaniel killed the witch and drank her blood. But she didn’t explain how he would have eternal life; suddenly, Nathaniel got the urge to eat his children. He did, and he immediately became a young man again. Nathaniel went on to build the oil empire, and the family knows that they have each had to make a sacrifice for this family, to keep this empire alive. Elena tells the family to hide; she is going to release Nathaniel, aka Grandpa.

Colton and Sarah assume the family is crazy. They form a plan to get out: they’re going to sneak out the side terrace, use Sarah’s spare key, and book it out the front gate. The trio crawl through the vents while evading Alice, who followed them with blow darts. They enter a spare bedroom, where they run into Cecile, who is hiding from Grandpa. She apologizes to Colton and tells the trio to wait with her because the hallways are too dangerous. Colton says the entire house is dangerous for them.

The trio move into the hallway and walk to the room where Sarah left her purse. In the hallway, they see a GAUNT CREATURE staring at them. It’s Grandpa, who takes big steps their way, putting out its arms like it wants a hug. Grandpa moves faster, screeching at the trio. They book it down the hall and head to the spare room. They lock the door, as Grandpa bangs on it.

Sarah grabs the key, and calms Iris down, saying they are going to make it out. They just have to climb out the window, scale the mansion, and climb down the terrace. Suddenly, Grandpa bursts through the wall and lunges at Sarah, taking a huge bite out of her. She tosses her keys to Colton and dies; Colton and Iris escape out the window and scale the house.

Colton and Iris scale the house, make it down the terrace, and jump into the pool. In the backyard, they find Elena, who is holding the family’s Rottweiler. Thomas appears next to her, says he always knew Colton was too “sensitive” to survive the business world, so he chose to give him up a long time ago. Elena releases the dog, forcing Colton to kill it with a croquet mallet. Thomas then pulls out a gun, but Cecile shoots him from a window, giving Colton and Iris time to escape.

Colton and Iris make it to Sarah’s father’s car. They turn it on, drive through the gate. Alice follows them and shoots their car tire. They crash into a tree; Iris is captured and brought back to the house, but, in a rare moment of empathy, Alice tells Colton to run.

ACT 3: Colton goes back to the house to rescue Iris. He distracts his father by saying that he wants to battle for the chance to stay alive against Alice. During the game, he shoots Grandpa and subdues his father. In the end, Iris saves him. They destroy Grandpa and leave the rest of the family to fight (to the death) over their fortune.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  Dan LoBrace.

[Dan LoBrace]

Dan LoBrace’s Horror Writing Sample Plan

What I learned doing the assignment is… that a 10 page writing sample can be more effective than sending a full script, if done correctly.

This scene takes place early into Act 2. Cara is a former aspiring singer who returns to Los Angeles to investigate her younger, more successful sister’s mysterious death by apparent drug overdose. After overhearing some of her sister’s friends discussing an underground “death song” that kills people who listen to it, Cara finds a suspicious EDM track on her sister’s computer desktop; she listens to the song and begins to experience nightmarish auditory hallucinations every time she’s in the presence of music playing. She decides to meet up with her ex-boyfriend, Brett, a musician turned record label manager, in hopes of investigating the alleged death song further.

EXT. HOLLYWOOD BLVD – DAY

Cara and Brett walk down the bustling street.

BRETT: A frequency overdose…

CARA: That’s Mel’s roommate’s theory. What do you think?

BRETT: Sounds like the name of a bad DJ.

CARA: I’m serious. What if Kyro recorded something dangerous? Ever since I listened to that song, things have been kind of… strange.

Just then, a SKATEBOARDER carrying a loud speaker zooms past them.

RICK ASTLEY (O.S.) (singing): Never gonna give you up! Never gonna let you down…!

Cara winces in fear, as the song starts to sound… distorted and off key.

But the sound fades as the Skateboarder rides on.

BRETT: Hey, remind me: what’s your favorite Greta Ginley song?

Cara raises a brow. Is he even listening?

CARA: “Fool’s Gold”? You know this.

BRETT: I do. Did you know the label had to pull it from the radio back in the day because whoever listened to it dropped dead?

CARA: For real?

BRETT: Yup. They called it a death song. Of course, the real reason people were dropping dead was polio.

Cara considers his words.

BRETT: That’s not the only one either: remember that Americana song from the ‘70s my dad kept playing when we all went to Big Bear?

CARA: God. How could I forget. (half-singing) If I had a dime, for ev-er-y rhyme, I’d give it all up to spend some time with you.

BRETT: Yeah, death song. That myth has been around forever. But that’s all it is: a myth.

CARA: This song could be different though.

He stops walking.

BRETT: It’s not. Sometimes people… just lose their way. I see it all the time. You don’t know what’s going on inside someone’s head–

CARA: My sister wasn’t some burnout wasting her life away, okay?

BRETT: I know…

CARA: She was talented and focused. She was supposed to be the one who made it!

Cara breaks down, covers her face with her hands. Brett scoops her up in his arms.

BRETT: It’s okay. Hey. Forget about the song.

She starts to calm down. He checks his watch.

BRETT: I wanna take you somewhere.

Off Cara, intrigued.

INT. ECHO PARK VENUE – NIGHT

Dim, intimate. A SERVER seats Cara and Brett at a table.

A stage in front of them. Several wealthy looking couples sitting at tables nearby. The perfect date spot.

CARA: Thanks for this. You always knew how to get me out of my head.

BRETT: Yeah, but I didn’t know how to get you to stay.

CARA: Oh, please. Like you were so beaten up about it.

BRETT: I was. I was about to ask you to move in with me.

CARA: In your van!?

BRETT: It was cozy. We had some great times in there.

CARA: Well, that amazing offer aside… there’s nothing you could’ve said. It was time for me to move on.

BRETT: Why?

CARA: I don’t know — life? My mom got sick, I was getting older. I kept hoping my big break would come and it just… didn’t. Then Mel came to LA and was meeting producers within a week. I got jealous, and bitter. Eventually I got scared that… the music industry was going to ruin me. So I left before it could.

Brett looks at her, wistful.

BRETT: I think you made the right call. This town can really warp people.

CARA: You don’t seem too warped.

BRETT: Because I gave up chasing fame. Now I’m–

His phone rings.

BRETT: Chasing it for other people. I’m sorry, but I gotta–

CARA: Go.

BRETT: It’s my crazy ass client–

CARA: Go!

He gives her a wink and leaves the table.

The curtains part. Cara turns to the stage to see — a beautiful BLUES SINGER on a stool, backed by a band and a DJ.

BLUES SINGER: Thank you for coming out tonight. We’re gonna start with a classic.

She gives the DJ a nod.

BLUES SINGER (singing): Don’t take me for a fool, Boy you’re just acting cruel, No more running around for you… (then) Hit it!

Suddenly, DJ moves a series of knobs on a SOUNDBOARD — giving the now-familiar intro music a cluby trance remix.

The Blues Singer jumps off her stool and dances as stage lights rapidly flash behind her.

Cara frowns at the “remixed” performance of her favorite song.

BLUES SINGER (singing): Don’t ta-a-ake me! Ow!

Cara winces as blasts of static noises emit from the speaker. The BSHM-BSHM-BSHM-BSHM sounds from Kyro’s song start to rise.

She looks around, sees that no one else in the crowd is reacting: they’re all grooving in their seats.

Cara tries to sit through it — but a high-pitched ring CUTS through the room, makes her keel over.

She sits back up and quickly realizes…

There’s nothing but silence.

Cara’s breathing consumes the room. The stage is now empty — nothing but smoke and flashing lights.

And EMPTY SEATS all around her. Unnerved:

CARA: Brett?

Her voice ECHOES in a thousand directions.

No response. Cara is completely, inexplicably in the room by herself.

Cara stands up, inspects the room. Looking for any sign of life.

CARA: Hello!?

ECHO

The stage lights turn off… and a bright SPOTLIGHT shines on Cara from the ceiling.

Cara puts her hand over her eyes. Looks up to see the source of the spotlight, but it’s too dark to see anything else.

Cara suddenly winces. She retracts her arm — sees her skin has been BURNED by the heat of the spotlight.

She slowly backs up, edging closer to the door, but the spotlight follows. Realizing this, she runs.

INT. ECHO PARK VENUE, HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS

Cara bursts through the doors, her eyes looking for any form of rescue.

CARA: Help!

ECHO

She reaches the other side of the hallway, opens the door…

INT. PITCH BLACK ROOM – CONTINUOUS

Cara squints at the darkness. Looks around, perplexed. The room looks like it goes on forever: its presence doesn’t make sense.

Despite herself, Cara inches forward… but stops when the spotlight TURNS BACK ON about twenty paces ahead of her.

TECK, TECK, TECK, TECK

Cara jumps as four SNAKE-LIKE WIRES slither across the spotlight… and back into the darkness.

The spotlight then moves around, searching for her.

Cara is frozen in fear as the spotlight comes to a halt, as if having sensed her, and moves toward her.

She turns around to exit, but sees the door she came through is gone. It’s just more darkness.

Cara braces herself as the malevolent light races toward her — and STOPS right in front of her.

Cara’s perplexed expression turns into a horrified one as she spots something at the edge of the spotlight, tinted by the shadows of the darkness:

A GREEN-FACED GHOUL SMILING AT HER

Cara whimpers in fear, taking in the Ghoul’s leathery skin, deep black eyes, and rows of razor sharp teeth jutting out of its mouth.

It’s Kyro — and he looks hungry for blood.

Cara stumbles backward… and runs for her life.

She races into the darkness, turns around to see the spotlight is following her.

Cara looks ahead to see something in the distance: a curious BLOOD RED DOOR. Sticking out of the darkness like a sore thumb.

With no other option, Cara books it toward the Blood Red Door — but she suddenly falls to the floor.

The snake-like wires release her ankle and slither back into the shadows. The spotlight still hot on her tail.

Determined, Cara picks herself up and books it toward the Blood Red Door.

She’s just about to open it, when–

EXT. ECHO PARK VENUE – NIGHT

Cara gasps awake at the sound of a door shutting behind her. She’s being carried in the arms of a rattled Brett and a burly BUSBOY.

Brett notices she’s come to, cradles her head as she catches her breath.

BRETT: Hey, hey! It’s okay.

She looks around in horror, realizes… she’s back from wherever she was.

BRETT: I’m gonna get you help.

EXT. TOLUCA LAKE BUNGALOW – NIGHT

Brett’s BMW pulls up to Mel’s place.

INT. BRETT’S CAR – SAME

Brett and a numb Cara sit in silence. She fiddles with the HOSPITAL BRACELET on her arm.

BRETT: I still think you should go see another doctor. I know this guy in Beverly Hills–

CARA: You heard them. There’s nothing physically wrong with me. They think I’m crazy or cracked out.

BRETT: I don’t care what they said. You went completely catatonic. This has to be a… reaction. To all you’ve been going through.

CARA: No, Brett. I went somewhere. It was like an outer-body thing. And I saw him.

BRETT: Who?

Cara gives him a look. Afraid to say it.

CARA: Kyro.

BRETT: Cara. Just tell me the truth. What did you take?

CARA: Nothing! You know I don’t do that. It’s that fucking song. I can’t stop hearing it and it’s fucking with my head.

Cara clocks Brett’s extremely worried look.

CARA: I’m sorry. You don’t need to be dealing with any of this. I’ll sleep it off; I’ll be fine.

She swiftly opens the door and gets out.

BRETT: Cara, wait.

CARA: Sorry I ruined your night.

EXT. TOLUCA LAKE BUNGALOW – MOMENTS LATER

Cara walks up to the front door, listens. Her eyes widen at the faint sound of the BSHM-BSHM-BSHM-BSHM pulsating from inside.

She opens the door…

INT. TOLUCA LAKE BUNGALOW – CONTINUOUS

To find Gilly and Tru (Cara’s sister’s roommates) on his laptop, listening to Kyro’s death song.

GILLY: Ayee! Now it’s a party.

Terror assaults Cara’s face.

She marches up to Gilly’s laptop and shuts it, turning the music off.

GILLY: Yo, chill! What was that for!?

CARA: How did you find this?

GILLY: Mel’s cloud. I hacked into it.

He flips the laptop back up, goes back to work. Cara’s puzzled by his nonchalant response.

CARA: I’m sorry, what?

GILLY: That’s the beauty of posting our lives online. The answers to our security questions are usually on there, too.

CARA: What the fuck is wrong with you!?

TRU: We didn’t think you’d care.

GILLY: Yeah, plus, you’re the one who wouldn’t let me listen to it.

CARA: That doesn’t mean you can just–

Cara realizes something. Shakes off her anger.

CARA: Wait. So you can read her messages?

She moves behind Gilly, looks at the screen.

GILLY: Yeah.

CARA: Pull them up.

Gilly pulls up Mel’s email account. Cara pushes him aside, starts looking through the messages.

GILLY: What’re you looking for?

Cara’s eyes narrow as she clicks away.

CARA: Mel didn’t just stumble upon the song…

Gilly and Tru share a look as Cara scans the screen.

CARA: Someone sent it to her.

ON THE COMPUTER SCREEN

An email with the subject line “OMG this sounds just like you!” from YourBiggestFan9.

Nothing in the body of the message. Just the “dont_listen” mp3 file in the attachment.

[Dan LoBrace]

Any horror writers wanna exchange feedback? 👀

[Dan LoBrace]

What I learned doing the assignment is… that producers want to target a core audience from the beginning of the process.

Genre: Horror

Title: Earworm

Concept: A disillusioned singer must uncover the truth about a cursed EDM song that exposes its victims to a deadly supernatural force which can only hunt them through the sounds of music.

Audience: This is a mainstream horror script, so I’m going to say… everyone under 25.

Budget: $10 million

Lead Characters: Cara (30s, singer who left LA to move back to her hometown, possibly letting her dreams fade), Gilly (20s, Cara’s ally: opportunistic aspiring music producer), Brett (30s, Cara’s ex-boyfriend: used to be a starving artist who lived in his van, but now works at a major record company)

Journey / Character Arc: Cara begins the story timid, disillusioned, and helpless. She’s moved back in with her mom and believes the ship has sailed on her singing career. When she returns to LA to investigate the death of her younger sister (who was well on her way to becoming the next pop starlet), Cara discovers a cursed EDM song. While trying to figure out the truth behind the song, Cara morphs into the person she was always afraid of becoming: someone who uses their sexuality to get vital information, lies and manipulates to get answers from a producer, and someone who isn’t afraid to stab her competition in the back. By searching for answers to this deadly song, Cara uncovers the truth about the industry that rejected her and transforms into the type of person who succeeds in it: a cutthroat, fearless, reinvigorated superstar.

Opening: The opening scene is Mel (Cara’s sister) destroying her technology and trying to evade being hunted by supernatural forces that can target her through music. Next scene, we meet Cara as she gives singing lessons to a young aspiring singer.

Ending: The young aspiring singer is at the music section of a store and looks at a row of CDs with Cara’s face on the cover.

Which decisions could I improve to make the script more marketable: I could make the core audience more specific, and I could likely cut down on the budget by tweaking a few VFX-heavy scenes.

[Dan LoBrace]

Dan LoBrace’s second movie…

Genre: Horror

Title: The Blair Witch Project

The film delivers on the conventions by:

Purpose: The heroes are driven way past the point of hysteria as they fail to find their way out of the woods while being hunted down by a supernatural entity.

Isolation: Being lost in the woods in a time without cell phones is the epitome of isolation.

Death: The fear of death got real after the first filmmaker went missing and the other two found a piece of his body wrapped in some sort of gift left to them by the Blair Witch. From then on, the viewer is fearful that the same fate awaits the remaining victims.

Monster/villain: The Blair Witch is unique from most horror villains because we really don’t ever see her. However, we get a detailed description of what she looks like (and it’s truly unsettling), and get a sense of how she operates by seeing the various voodoo stick figures and piles of rocks.

High Tension: The group realizes they are out of control when they can’t find the car, which is when the Blair Witch beats start to escalate.

Departure From Reality: The departure from reality is slow and steady, but by the end the heroes are officially living in a folklore nightmare.

Moral Statement: Those who try to use dark forces of nature for their own gain will be punished.

Outline of the movie:

– Three filmmakers — Heather, Mike, and Josh — travel into the woods to seek out local legend, The Blair Witch, who is the subject of unsettling folklore involving violent deaths and missing children.

– The three camp out and make their way to a graveyard where seven victims of the witch are said to be buried. They hear strange voices at night along the way.

– After they find the cemetery, the group heads back, but soon realizes that the map they have doesn’t seem to be getting them back to their car.

– The group breaks down and starts to fight, with Mike and Josh yelling at Heather, the director/producer, for not knowing how to find her way back to the car. Meanwhile, they find that their campsite has been trashed by someone who has apparently been following them.

– They keep walking south, and stumble upon a collection of hanging voodoo dolls made out of sticks. After they realize they don’t have the map, Mike reveals he tossed it into the river because it wasn’t getting them back to the car.

– At night, they are terrorized by an unseen force from outside the tent. They wake up to find three piles of rocks (the same piles that made up the graves at the cemetery) outside their tent.

– After continuing to travel south, the group realizes that they inexplicably ended up at the same campsite they were at the previous night.

– The next morning, Mike and Heather realize Josh is missing. They later find a bundle of sticks with his shirt left outside their tent; inside his shirt is his bloody hair and teeth.

– Josh seemingly calls out to them from the woods at night, but because he doesn’t tell them where he is or answer their calls, they assume it’s not really Josh.

– Mike and Heather eventually stumble upon a house in the middle of the woods: the Parr house, which was explained in a legend one of the townspeople told the group in the beginning of the film.

– Mike follows the sounds of Josh screaming for help, but is knocked out in the basement. Heather follows and sees Mike standing up, facing a corner of the basement; she gets knocked out as well. This last frame echos the story that they were told about Mr. Parr kidnapping children and making one of them face the wall while he killed the other.

[Dan LoBrace]

Dan’s Specialty – Horror

What I learned doing the assignment is… the specific conventions of horror. I have been studying this genre for a while now, but I still wouldn’t have been able to articulate these conventions to producers. That handout is game changing!

First movie:

Title: The Invisible Man (2020) [It wasn’t a box office smash because it came out at the beginning of the pandemic, but I’m seeing this pop up on more and more “best horror movie” lists.]

The film delivers on the conventions by:

Purpose: The hero is driven to hysteria and beyond by the villain, and I definitely felt horrified by seeing the story through her eyes.

Isolation: While the story took place in the (not-so-isolated) Bay Area, the villain cut off the hero from just about everyone, which made her alone and powerless.

Death: The loved ones of the hero were threatened with awful and violent deaths. I was fearful for the lives of everyone, especially after one particularly gut-wrenching moment that came at the midpoint.

Monster/villain: This was a very cool, modern update on Universal’s OG Invisible Man. He was terrifying when we didn’t see him, when we got a peek at his sinister invisibility suit as it started to malfunction, and even out of his suit, where we could see just how sociopathic he was.

High Tension: From the first frame, the film was non-stop high tension, as the entire script the hero is trying to free herself from her abusive boyfriend, who doesn’t ever let up.

Departure From Reality: Being terrorized by an invisible force doesn’t happen in reality, but the story was still relatable because it was essentially about an abusive relationship.

Moral Statement: Those who try to control others will eventually destroy themselves by way of their own methods.

Outline of the movie:

– Cecilia (Elizabeth Moss) escapes from her controlling, abusive ex-boyfriend Julian, a leader in the optics field with powerful connections and even more powerful technology, but believes he’ll somehow find her and drag her back to their awful life together.

– Cecilia finds out that Julian committed suicide, but soon starts to suspect that he faked his own death and somehow discovered how to be invisible when she starts being tormented by an invisible force.

– The invisible force isolates Cecilia by using her email to send a horrible message to her sister, and attacking the young daughter of the friend that Cecilia is staying with, making it look like Cecilia is becoming violent and crazy.

– Cecilia sneaks back into Julian’s house and discovers the invisibility suit technology. She makes one for herself and hides it as evidence to expose him.

– Cecilia invites her sister to dinner and goes over her plan, but Julian takes a knife, kills Cecilia’s sister, and frames Cecilia for the murder.

– Cecilia is submitted into a psychiatric ward, where she learns that she’s pregnant, and that the murder charges will go away if she goes back to Julian and raises the baby with him.

– Cecilia confronts Julian in her room, where he tells her he will never leave her alone. She follows him back to her friend’s house to save her friend’s daughter, who Julian threatened to kill. Cecilia has a scuffle with the invisible man, and kills him – only it turns out to be Julian’s brother.

– Julian is found in the wall of his own house, and sets his brother up as the villain, but Cecilia knows he just manipulated his way out of the crimes he committed.

– She goes back to his house and the two have dinner. When Julian doesn’t confess to the crimes, Cecilia goes in the other room, puts on her stashed-away invisibility suit, and slits Julian’s throat, making it look like he killed himself on the security footage.

[Dan LoBrace]

Dan LoBrace’s Credibility Is Going Up!

What I learned doing this assignment is… credibility comes in many forms, and we won’t get anywhere by keeping quiet about it.

For some reason, I get major anxiety when it comes to building my online presence as a screenwriter. I guess I don’t want to come off looking like an amateur. But that’s something I need to get over ASAP, because that could very well be what leads to my first PWA. Earlier this year, I submitted one of my scripts to an open writing assignment through Stage 32, and it made it through a few rounds of consideration at Blumhouse. They encouraged me to post about it on the site, but I was so nervous to; I thought it would sound braggy or somehow jinx me. Well, I ended up posting about it, and received nothing but congratulations and well wishes. Blumhouse ended up passing on it, but this week a producer read my post and asked me to send him the script. I’m not getting my hopes up about it, but this week’s lesson made me realize: the fact that I said it was considered at Blumhouse gave me credibility in that producer’s eyes, and the only way that could’ve happened was if I posted about it!

So, I guess one of the steps I’ll take is to reshape my mentality when it comes to sharing my screenwriting accomplishments. The other step I’ll take is to be proactive and friend request more producers on LinkedIn/Stage32.

My Credibility Checklist

1. Your Writing Sample

One of my scripts (“Ghosting”) received recommended coverage from WeScreenplay. I believe my scripts now deliver in the horror genre in a strong way. Whether they deliver on the business decisions remains to be seen; however, I try to be cognizant of writing for budget.

2. Screenwriting Accomplishments

I don’t have any contest wins yet, but two of my scripts — a pilot (“Victoria Sucks”) and a feature (“Earworm”) — were finalists in two separate competitions. I’ve also been a semi-finalist and quarterfinalist a handful of times.

No other deals or writing assignments yet.

3. The Google factor

First page lists my Stage32 account and “screenwriter”, my Coverfly page with all my scripts/placements, and my IMDB page.

4. Your Network

I have a few producers in my network at various levels. I also have a handful of connections to people who are connected with quite a few producers.

5. Education specific to screenwriting

ScreenwritingU ProSeries

Corey Mandell’s Story Design Workshop

6. Borrowed Credibility

No borrowed cred at the moment.

7. IMDB CREDITS

Only credit is a web series I created a while back.

8. Other forms of credibility that is related to screenwriting:

I’m currently an assistant producer, but the company I work for mostly does commercials. We have filmed pilots before, and shorts every now and then. Not sure if that counts? I’m learning a lot about producing either way.

I was a reader for the Austin Film Festival Script Competition

[Dan LoBrace]

Dan LoBrace’s Projects and Insights

Finished script:

EARWORM (horror): When a disillusioned singer returns to Los Angeles to investigate her sister’s mysterious death, she discovers a cursed EDM song that unleashes nightmarish forces onto its listeners.

Budget: probably $5-15 mil, for the bigger LA venue scenes and some VFX-heavy horror scenes.

Concept:

FAMILY DINNER (horror/comedy): A gay teenager’s struggle to endure a night with his extended family turns deadly when he and his misfit cousins find themselves being hunted down by the rest of the brood in the name of a sinister family tradition.

Budget: $1-5 mil

What I learned: That it’s not just okay to do some free work to get a movie made — it’s sometimes necessary!

[Dan LoBrace]

Hi everyone!

My name is Dan. I’ve written about a dozen scripts over the years (features, pilots, shorts).

I hope this class will help give me more autonomy in my career by opening up another pathway to becoming a paid screenwriter.

I currently work in commercial production but I used to write for a popular celebrity gossip website.

[Dan LoBrace]

Dan LoBrace

I agree to the terms of this release form.

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Dan LoBrace]

Hey Sam,

I’m already partnered up, but I’d be happy to do it a second time. Feel free to shoot me an email at dan.lobrace08@gmail.com if you want to set up a call.

[Dan LoBrace]

Thanks! Haven’t made that connection before but you’re so right!

[Dan LoBrace]

1. Is the set up absolutely clear and does it make it easy to move into the 10 pages?

The setup worked for the most part. I’d just specify that William is the ‘70s woman’s son. I wasn’t sure which storyline he connected to, and also wondered if he was one of the woman’s cats, since you state he sees in black and white.

2. Did the 10 pages deliver on the genre?

Yes, there were some really cool horror moments. This definitely had the feeling of a classic haunted house story. I can’t help but wonder though if there’s a moment in the script where Hannah is the one who goes through the full range of horror emotions? Sharon isn’t at all likable in this sample, so for me, it didn’t hit hard when the horror was happening to her. Hannah is a young girl and we already feel for her, so it would hit MUCH much harder IMO if the sample featured a moment where she goes into full hysterics. Just a thought!

C. Was the writing highly compelling?

Yes, very compelling. My heart ached for Hannah on every page. The scenes between her and Sharon felt very natural, as did the scene with William and his mother.

This was an enjoyable read. Well done!

[Dan LoBrace]

I didn’t receive the email either, but the lessons are still accessible through the SU portal.

[Dan LoBrace]

Yes! I’ll try to get mine up tonight. If not, definitely tomorrow.