Daniel Melin
Forum Replies Created
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Daniel Melin’s Dialogue 4-6
What I learned doing this assignment is actually how well doing the heavily lifting of building intrigue and such early already accomplished a lot of these goals. I still had the opportunity to make sure I was capitalizing on future conflicts to sow the seeds earlier, particularly in scenes with my hero and his most immediate antagonist.
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Daniel Melin’s Dialogue 1 + 2
Using the Attack/Counterattack technique I increased the tension between two of the main characters, and caused them to snipe at one another’s shortcomings and made the scene noticeably better.
I didn’t avail myself as much of the character profile dialogue, because I am rewriting a good deal of my show’s overall first season arc, which affects a good deal of what’s in my pilot.
What I learned doing this assignment is how the larger picture dynamics always need to be purposefully integrated at the most minute levels. Generally I have a firm grasp on my characters and plot to just run with it and keep things engaging but touching these aspects up does help.
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Daniel Melin completed P/S grid #2.
What I learned doing this lesson is the value of keeping a positive mindset. I ended up falling WAY behind on my work on my pilot for various reasons, but chief among them that I simply got scared and starting psyching myself out and making excuses. I’ve gotten back at it, however, and things are looking up. I’ve also been having a lot of breakthroughs on big picture arcs for the whole season, and am looking forward, not only to finishing the pilot, but getting back to working on my Framework and Pitch Bible.
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EVERLASTING SUMMER
1 Hour Fantasy
Levi has been making his living as a construction worker, but every night he visits the fairy kingdom of Everlasting Summer, and aspires to become a magician. The kingdom is ruled by Titania, the mythical fairy queen, who teaches Levi magic, but cautions him never to use it outside the safe confines of Everlasting Summer.
But Levi doesn’t want stay within those boundaries.
One night, Levi’s boss goads him into performing magic to prove that he can do it. Later that night a werewolf attacks a police officer, and Levi must find a way to protect his secret and keep any more supernatural dangers from threatening his hometown.
EPISODE STRUCTURE: Every episode, more of the magic from Everlasting Summer will leak into the world of Athens, Levi’s hometown, posing all kinds of dangers, which Levi will have to contain.
BIO: This show was created by Daniel Melin, who in his other life pays the bills working for a general contractor.
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Daniel Melin Finished Acts 4 and 5
What I learned doing this assignment, is that my pilot is actually a little too short! However, zipping through this first draft at high speed allowed me to finish it and makes notes of where there ought to be more scenes or different scenes that keep the viewer from losing track of the plot.
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Daniel Melin Finished Act 3
What I learned doing this assignment is the value of taking notes for future drafts without interrupting the flow of the draft that I’m in right now.
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Daniel Melin Finished Act 2
What I learned doing this assignment is that you can tell when a scene is really working, even if it’s still rough. I’m learning to actually enjoy the process rather than just grind through it. Even when I know a scene isn’t working really well, I make a mental note of what I need to fix it, and just knowing that I have learned what I need to improve it by doing it imperfectly feels really good.
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Daniel Melin finished Act 1 First Draft
What I learned doing this assignment is the value of keeping moving. I don’t need to delude myself into thinking that my first draft is awesome, but I don’t need to wallow in despair either.
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Daniel Melin’s Teaser/ High Speed Writing
What I learned doing this assignment is the value of continuing to write, even if it feels bad. I wanted to stop several times, but I always forced myself to keep going. By the time I reached the end, I felt so much better for having just powered through.
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Daniel Melin’s Outline with Intrigue
What I learned doing this assignment is that it’s good to stick to the assignment at hand, even though ideas for other directions that the story is going to take are constantly emerging. I’ve also learned the value of taking a break, working on the assignment a little bit at a time, and then letting my mind process things for a little while before coming back to it.
Teaser:
EXT. Forest—Night: Intriguing World
Levi, Titania and her huntswoman are all on horseback, following a pack of three wolves, who are in turn chasing a deer with a large rack of antlers through the forest. The deer eventually disappears into a particularly dark and dense section of the forest, and the wolves lose the scent. Titania is enraged that they’ve lost their quarry, but Levi seems bored. He says that they’ve never had a chance of catching the deer anyway, and he begins to turn back the way they’ve come.
· Open Loop: Will they ever catch the deer?
· Mystery: Why is the deer so important to Titania?
· Empathy/Distress: Titania is clearly frustrated at the loss of the deer.
· Empathy/Distress: Levi is clearly disillusioned by the whole exercise.
· Irony: Levi is in his dream world, but the dream is starting to lose its allure.
· Setup: The deer is actually Oberon, Titania’s husband, and he is about to escape in a more drastic way.
· Setup: Levi is disillusioned with Everlasting Summer because there is no risk. Nothing is ever lost, but nothing is ever gained either.
INT. Castle Hall—Night: Secret
Levi, Titania and the huntswoman all return to a magnificent castle, where music is playing and dancers fill the hall. Levi moves right past the dancers, however, and stares listlessly out the window at the forest.
Titania walks over and tries to convince Levi to rejoin the dance, but Levi wants to know why he can’t perform magic except in Everlasting Summer. Titania says that it’s dangerous out there, and that performing magic could attract unwanted attention to Everlasting Summer. Titania then says she will find Puck to cheer Levi up.
· Open Loop: Will Levi continue to abide by the rule of no magic outside of Everlasting Summer?
· Mystery: What is the nature of the danger that could be posed to Everlasting Summer?
· Empathy/Distress: Levi is discontent with the rules he has to follow.
· Payoff: We understand now why Levi was so listless in the previous scene.
· Irony: Levi has access to powerful magic, but he can’t exercise it.
· Setup: Levi will eventually break this rule and bring about the danger that Titania warns him about.
· Setup: The character of Puck is mentioned, who will play an important role in the story going forward.
INT. Castle Hall—Night: Mystery
Titania leaves Levi at the window and goes over to the huntswoman who is conferring with two guards. Titania asks the huntswoman where Puck is. The huntswoman says that Puck is currently missing. Titania is clearly perturbed, though she says that she’s sure he’s just playing a prank. The huntswoman says that the guards tell her there has been no sign of Puck all night. Titania hands the huntswoman a key, and tells her to check the dungeons. He isn’t supposed to be down there, but maybe he found a way to sneak in. The huntswoman then takes the guards with her and leaves the hall to look for Puck.
· Open Loop: What will Puck’s absence mean for Titania later?
· Mystery: What is Puck up to?
· Empathy/Distress: Titania is worried that Puck is up to no good.
· Payoff: We learn why Puck is missing in the previous scene.
· Irony: There is a real disturbance in this paradise.
· Setup: Puck will later help Oberon in his attempts to recover his staff.
INT. Castle Hall—Night: Intriguing World
Titania returns to Levi, who is still sitting, dejected by the window. Titania says that Puck can’t be found anywhere. Levi says that that is very unusual, but Titania distracts him from asking any more questions by grabbing one of the female dancers, and sending Levi with her out onto the dance floor. Levi reluctantly joins the dance.
Levi dutifully dances for a while as the music grows louder. Levi tries to excuse himself to sit back down but the music drowns out his attempts to do so. Finally, an alarm breaks through the music, and Levi wakes up in his Minneapolis apartment.
· Open Loop:
· Mystery: How did Levi come to live in the dreamworld of Everlasting Summer?
· Empathy/Distress: We see that Levi is unhappy in the dance and wants to leave.
· Empathy/Distress: We see that Levi lives in a very drab apartment.
· Payoff: We learn that outside Everlasting Summer actually means the normal everyday world.
· Irony: Levi wants to go back to the real world, even though it is very drab by comparison.
· Setup: Levi is splitting his time between two worlds.
Act 1:
EXT. Suburban House—Day: Secret
Levi drives up to a suburban house with a truck and trailer parked on the street out front. Miguel steps out of the truck as Levi starts walking towards the house. He tells Levi how glad he is that he finally agreed to quit his restaurant job and come work for him.
Miguel shows Levi into the house and introduces him to his other employee, Jorge. Miguel asks Levi if he’s painted professionally before and Levi says no. Miguel quickly shows Levi how he wants things done, and then tells him to ask Jorge any questions, while he steps outside on a phone call.
· Open Loop: Will Levi become proficient at his new job?
· Mystery: Why did Levi quit his old job?
· Empathy/Distress: Levi is uncertain abut how he will do at this new job.
· Payoff:
· Irony:
· Setup: Levi will have to take on more responsibility at this new job.
INT. Suburban House—Day: Hidden Agenda
Levi starts cutting in the corners of the room where he and Jorge are painting. Levi starts trying to chat up Jorge and ask him questions about the other jobs they have lined up, but Jorge only gives monosyllabic answers in return.
· Open Loop:
· Mystery: Why is Jorge so recalcitrant about talking about future jobs?
· Empathy/Distress: Levi is trying to get to know his coworker, who is reluctant to talk.
· Payoff:
· Irony:
· Setup: Jorge’s issues with Miguel will blow up in a later scene.
INT. Suburban House—Day: Hidden Layer
Miguel is outside, talking on the phone to one of his clients, who is giving him an excuse for why he can’t pay his rent. Jorge comes up to him and asks him if he’s had a chance to think about his offer. Miguel holds off and finishes his call, before turning to Jorge and telling him that while Jorge has improved a lot and has taken on a lot of responsibility, he still can’t justify making him a partner. Jorge says that he does almost as much work if not more than Miguel, and storms off the site.
· Open Loop: How will Jorge react later because he hasn’t been made a partner?
· Mystery: How long have Miguel and Jorge been fighting like this?
· Empathy/Distress: Miguel is dealing with stress on multiple fronts: his tenants and his discontented employee.
· Payoff: We find out why Jorge was so surly in the previous scene.
· Irony:
· Setup: Jorge’s discontentment will blow over later.
INT. Kitchen Table—Night: Wound
Levi is at his parents’ house for Sunday dinner. Levi, his parents, Nathaniel and Catherine, and his sisters, Cathy and Lily. Everyone is quietly enjoying dinner until Catherine brings up that they haven’t visited Talia in a while. Levi stays conspicuously silent. Catherin continues to prod and says that she and Nathaniel are going this week if Levi would have the time to join them. Levi says that he’ll think about it, but he’s pretty busy with his new job and may not be able to make it.
· Open Loop: How will Levi deal with the tension in his family?
· Mystery: Why doesn’t Levi want to visit Talia?
· Empathy/Distress: Levi is clearly upset by the mention of his sister.
· Payoff:
· Irony: Levi has an ostensibly happy family, but with one noticeable exception.
· Setup: Levi’s sister will play an important role later in the story.
EXT. Suburban House—Day: Hidden Layer
Levi shows up to work the next day, but notices that Jorge’s car isn’t there. Levi goes up to Miguel, who tells him that Jorge quit. The two of them go into the house, and then Miguel tells him how sloppy his work from the previous day is. He tells Levi that he will need to go over it again, and make sure to be more careful this time. He then asks Levi if he will be okay staying a little bit later, since it’s just the two of them. Levi acquiesces.
· Open Loop: Will Levi bear up under the new responsibility at work?
· Mystery:
· Empathy/Distress: Levi is having to take on more responsibility than he anticipated.
· Payoff: We see the consequences of Miguel and Jorge’s fight from the previous day.
· Irony:
· Setup: Levi’s responsibilities at work will clash with his attempts to master magic and catch the deer that escapes.
Act 2:
INT. Clarence’s Cigar Lounge—Night: Secret Identity
Miguel and Levi step into Clarence’s Cigar Lounge and take a seat in one of the corners. Levi has brought his book bag into the shop with them, and Miguel notices a book on magic inside when Levi takes out his laptop to make a few notes about their work schedule next week. Miguel takes out the book and begins to tease Levi for having such a silly hobby.
Levi is clearly embarrassed and says that magic isn’t silly. Miguel goads Levi to prove to him that magic even exists. Levi hesitates for a second, and then looks around the room. When he is sure no one is looking, he makes a motion towards a small painting of a deer on the wall beside them, and says a few words, which cause the deer to start moving on the canvas. Levi then says another few words, and the deer seems to resist, but eventually, he settles back into his old position on the canvas. Miguel is clearly impressed, but then says that still asks Levi what practical use magic could have. Levi doesn’t have an answer.
· Open Loop: Will Levi actually master magic beyond mere illusions?
· Open Loop: Will Miguel’s knowledge of Levi’s magic endanger Everlasting Summer?
· Mystery:
· Empathy/Distress: Levi is embarrassed by Miguel’s disparagements.
· Payoff: We get to see Levi deliberately disobey Titania’s rule from earlier.
· Irony: Levi can perform magic, but it seems only to create an illusion. The illusion will later become all too real.
· Setup: Levi’s act of magic is what will release Oberon from his prison.
EXT. Clarence’s Cigar Lounge—Night: Imminent Threat
Later that night, a cop in Athens gets a call saying that there is a disturbance at Clarence’s. He drives over and hears crashing inside. He calls out for whoever’s inside to come out, but the crashing continues. He opens the door, and a deer rushes out from a back corner. The cop dodges out of the way, just as the deer crashes through one of the glass windows. What looks like a wild dog starts chasing after the deer, but then notices the cop. The dog snarls at the cop, and the cop raises his gun. When the dog attacks him, the cop shoots. The dog yelps, but apparently isn’t killed, and runs off.
· Open Loop: What will happen now that the deer and one of the wolves have escaped?
· Mystery:
· Empathy/Distress: We see the cop dealing with unpredictable wild animals, one of which attacks him directly.
· Payoff: We see the results of Levi’s spell from earlier.
· Irony:
· Setup: Now Levi will have to catch the deer and the wolf that have escaped from Everlasting Summer.
INT. Mental Hospital—Day: Mystery
Nathaniel and Catherine show up at a mental hospital where a nurse shows them into the visiting room. Catherine asks how Talia has been doing, and the nurse says that she claims to have seen something the previous night, and that the doctors are thinking of adjusting her medications again.
Nathaniel and Catherine go over to a table where a young woman is sitting. The nurse tells Talia that her parents are here to see her. Talia groggily says hello and hugs her parents. Nathaniel and Catherine ask her how she is, and she says that she has been doing fine, but that she saw a strange man, completely naked outside on the grounds. Catherine and Nathaniel look uncomfortably at one another, but then go along with the story.
· Open Loop: Will Talia recover?
· Mystery: What caused Talia’s mental illness?
· Mystery: Who is the man that Talia saw? Is he actually real?
· Empathy/Distress: We see Nathaniel and Catherine trying to figure out what’s best for their mentally ill daughter.
· Payoff: We find out part of the reason why Levi was so reluctant to visit Talia earlier.
· Irony: The man that Talia saw is real, but no one believes her.
· Setup: Talia will eventually become a pawn in Oberon and Titania’s fight.
EXT. Forest—Night: Mystery
Levi is making his way through the forest, this time on foot and by himself. It is a darker part of the forest from the one he was riding through in the first scene. He casts a spell that creates a little orb of light in his hand, but the light seems to struggle, and Levi looks confusedly at the light, but eventually it manages to form itself more fully, but Levi still struggles to see the path in front of him as he makes his way through the trees.
Levi hears footsteps and sees a figure disappear behind one of the trees. Levi begins to run, but the figure soon starts to run alongside him. Levi keeps going, and eventually he reaches the tree line, where Titania and the huntswoman are waiting. Levi tells him that he was being followed, but when the three of them investigate the forest, they can’t find anyone.
· Open Loop: Will Levi uncover the identity of the person who was chasing him?
· Mystery: Who is the mysterious figure in the dark?
· Empathy/Distress: Levi struggles to escape the figure who is stalking him.
· Payoff:
· Irony: The figure chasing him is actually going to become his teacher.
· Setup: The figure chasing Levi was actually Mark.
EXT. Castle Grounds—Night: Hidden Layer
Titania brings Levi back to the castle of Everlasting Summer and immediately accuses him of disobeying her and performing magic outside of Everlasting Summer. Levi says that he only performed a simple illusion, but Titania says that he has put Everlasting Summer in danger and points to the sky. The moon, which is normally full every night in Everlasting Summer, has now started to wane. Titania tells Levi that he has opened a portal, which has caused Everlasting Summer to lose some of its magic, along with one of the wolves and the deer that they have been chasing, and that if he wants things to go back to the way they were, he will have to do something to close it.
· Open Loop: Will Levi successfully close the portal he opened?
· Mystery:
· Empathy/Distress: Levi is now being chastised for the act of magic he performed.
· Payoff: We now see a small piece of the danger Titania warned about.
· Irony:
· Setup: This small change in Everlasting Summer will continue until it disappears.
Act 3:
EXT. Clarence’s Cigar Lounge—Day: Hidden Layer
Levi goes to Clarence’s with his bag, and a book that he plans to use for looking up spells when he sees the window boarded over, and a sign saying that the shop is temporarily closed. A strange man walks up and asks Levi if he heard about what happened. Levi says that he hasn’t heard and the stranger tells him about the events from the previous night. The stranger introduces himself as Mark, and looks at Levi’s book, asking him about it. Levi hides the book under his arm, and says he has to be going, and awkwardly walks away.
· Open Loop:
· Mystery: Who is the mysterious stranger who comes up to Levi?
· Empathy/Distress: Levi learns that the portal he opened has now damaged his favorite place to spend time.
· Payoff: We see how Levi’s actions have now affected not just Everlasting Summer, but his hometown as well.
· Irony: The man that tells Levi about the events is actually his future teacher.
· Setup: The stranger is Mark, who Levi will get to know later.
INT. Tower—Night: Conspiracy
Titania and her huntswoman are in a tower in Everlasting Summer, watching the moon that has continued to wane. The huntswoman asks Titania if she trusts Levi, and Titania says that she can’t be sure. She tells the huntswoman that they have no choice but to start going into Athens. Titania tells the huntswoman that she will now have to start accompanying Levi on monthly hunts when the moon is full and their magic is at its strongest.
· Open Loop: Will Levi stay loyal to Titania?
· Open Loop: Will Titania make Everlasting Summer the way it was?
· Open Loop: Will Levi and the huntswoman catch the deer?
· Mystery: What do Titania and the huntswoman not want Levi to discover?
· Empathy/Distress: Titania’s paradise is under threat.
· Payoff:
· Irony:
· Setup: The hunts that Levi and the huntswoman will go on in Athens are going to get more and more disastrous.
EXT. Castle Garden—Night: Hidden Layer
There is a knock on the door to the tower, and when the huntswoman opens it, Levi is on the other side. He tells Titania that the portal that he opened is in the shop, which is now closed, and he can’t get to it. Levi tells Titania that he will need her permission to use magic in Athens again. Titania agrees but that he will have to take the huntswoman along with him to make sure no complications arise. Levi agrees and assures Titania that he knows how to get in without them being seen.
· Open Loop: Will Levi get into Clarence’s to close the portal?
· Mystery:
· Empathy/Distress: Levi is now having to fix a horrible situation he created.
· Payoff: Levi is now informed of the supervision he will have to tolerate that was brought up in the previous scene.
· Irony: The person who told Levi not to use magic outside of Everlasting Summer, will now have to tolerate more of the same if the problem is going to be fixed.
· Setup: Levi is now going to have to keep performing magic in Everlasting Summer with the huntswoman’s supervision.
EXT. Clarence’s Cigar Lounge—Night: Mystery
Levi and the huntswoman are standing on the street outside of Clarence’s. Levi takes a scoop of sand from a bag and blows on it as he says some magic words. The sand sparks briefly and then scatters all over the street. Levi and the huntswoman then go across the street, and Levi carves a doorway with chalk in the boards over the window. The two of them step inside, and go to the back corner where the painting is supposed to be. When they get there, Levi sees a completely different painting of a jazz ensemble on a stage. The huntswoman asks him what is wrong, and Levi says that someone must have taken the painting.
· Open Loop:
· Mystery: Who has taken the painting that Levi enchanted?
· Empathy/Distress: Levi has to make his way unnoticed into Clarence’s.
· Payoff: We see Levi perform more magic in Athens.
· Irony: Levi gets to perform magic, but only under close supervision.
· Setup: The person who stole the painting is going to become Levi’s new mentor.
INT. Levi’s Apartment—Night: Secret Identity
Levi is sitting in his apartment when he hears a knock on the door. When he opens it, he sees the strange man from the previous day, who introduced himself as Mark. In front of Mark on the floor is a rectangular object with a sheet over it. Mark asks to come inside, and then shows Levi that he has the painting from the shop, but there is no longer a deer inside of it. Mark explains that he too is a magician, and that he is in grave danger unless he lets him help him. Levi refuses and tries to take the painting back, but Mark causes the painting to disappear, and says that he is going to keep a hold of the painting.
· Open Loop: Will Levi recover the painting from Mark?
· Mystery: What is the grave danger that Levi is supposedly in?
· Empathy/Distress: Levi finds that the painting he needs to find is in someone else’s possession.
· Payoff: We find out where the missing painting went.
· Irony: The person who stole the painting was someone Levi already knew.
· Setup: Levi is eventually going to start studying magic with Mark.
Act 4:
INT. Bar—Night: Deception
The following night, Levi and Miguel are out at the bar having drinks, and Miguel starts asking him questions about the shop closing and whether his magic had anything to do with that. Levi confesses that he did. Miguel then tells Levi that he had better figure out a way to fix it, and to stay away from magic. When Miguel goes to the bathroom Levi takes a potion out of his pocket and slips it into Miguel’s drink.
· Open Loop: Will Miguel sabotage Levi’s attempts to catch the deer and redeem Everlasting Summer?
· Open Loop: What other acts will Levi be willing to do in order to protect Everlasting Summer?
· Mystery:
· Empathy/Distress: Levi is worried that Miguel will tell other people about his magic, and that they might find out about Everlasting Summer.
· Payoff: The danger that Titania warned Levi about is now apparently coming to pass.
· Irony: Levi’s magic is more than an illusion, but now it’s just dangerous rather than valuable.
· Setup: Miguel’s memory won’t stay wiped forever, and when it resurfaces, there will be a reckoning.
EXT. Suburban House—Day: Deception
The following morning, Levi shows up to work, and Miguel shows up looking not at all pleased. He says they have to talk about Levi’s painting. Levi nervously follows him into the house, and is somewhat relieved when Miguel angrily points out that the wall that he painted is still not up to the standards that he expects and tells Levi that he will have to repaint it AGAIN.
· Open Loop: Will Miguel’s memories stay buried?
· Mystery:
· Empathy/Distress: Levi is struggling at work.
· Payoff: We see that Levi’s potion to wipe Miguel’s memory has worked.
· Irony: The one person that Levi wanted to impress with his magic, now knows nothing about it.
· Setup: Miguel’s memory won’t stay erased forever.
INT. Clarence’s Cigar Lounge—Day: Conspiracy
Levi is reading his book and taking notes in Clarence’s the following evening, when Mark shows up. Mark asks Levi if he has reconsidered his offer. Levi tells Mark that he needs his painting back. Mark then confesses to Levi that Titania is not what she seems. He then shows Levi a picture of a young man, and tells him that his son disappeared several years ago, and he believes that Titania enchanted him. He then offers to teach Levi magic.
· Open Loop: Will Levi decide to study magic with Mark?
· Open Loop? Who else will Titania enchant?
· Mystery: What is Titania up to?
· Mystery: Where is Mark’s son, now?
· Empathy/Distress: Levi’s loyalty to his teacher is tested.
· Payoff: We learn more specifically what Mark was talking about when he said that Titania was dangerous.
· Irony: Titania, who was supposed to be that protector of the weak, is actually a villain.
· Setup: Levi is now going to eventually learn more about the others that Titania has enchanted, and his connection to them.
Act 5:
INT. Levi’s Apartment—Night: Hidden Layer
Later that night, Levi comes home to his apartment to find the huntswoman already waiting for him. She tells him that they will have to hunt only by the full moon every night. Levi wants to know why this is. The huntswoman explains that the reason the moon was full every night in Everlasting Summer was to preserve its magic, which relies on the moon. In Athens, they will be at the mercy of its cycles. The huntswoman tells Levi to be ready at the next full moon.
· Open Loop: Will Levi get exposed while hunting in Athens?
· Open Loop: Will Levi and the huntsman catch the deer?
· Mystery:
· Empathy/Distress: Levi is now going to have to evade notice from the citizens of Athens while going out to hunt a deer every full moon.
· Payoff: We learn why the loss of a permanent full moon was so important for Titania.
· Irony: The loss of Everlasting Summer’s magic opens the door for greater magic in the world of Athens.
· Setup: The cycles of the moon are also what transforms the werewolves, which will be revealed later.
EXT. Clarence’s—Night: Secret
A month later, it is the full moon again, and Levi and the huntswoman open a portal from Everlasting Summer to Athens, and Levi hurriedly closes it behind them once the two of them, and the two remaining hunting wolves they have are on the other side. Once Levi casts his sleeping spell with the sand again, the party tracks the deer to the grounds of a mental institution. Levi looks up and sees Talia looking out of a window at him. He hurriedly casts his sleeping spell again, and Talia retreats from the window. Levi turns to the huntress and calls off the hunt for the night.
· Open Loop: Will Talia discover Levi’s secret?
· Open Loop: Will Levi reconcile with Talia?
· Mystery: What was the deer doing outside Talia’s mental hospital?
· Empathy/Distress: Levi is dismayed when he sees that the deer has led him to his sister’s mental hospital.
· Payoff:
· Irony: Levi’s pursuit of the deer, which was part of his way to avoid his family has led him to the family member he is most estranged from.
· Setup: Levi will eventually have to reconcile with his sister.
INT. Clarence’s Cigar Lounge—Day: Conspiracy
Levi is studying in Clarence’s. Mark walks in and Levi motions to him. Levi asks Mark how he knows so much about Titania. Mark says that ever since his son disappeared, he has learned everything he can about the fairy queen and has learned that she has enchanted many more people, and he will do anything he can to stop her. Levi says that he will work with Mark on the condition that he relinquish the painting and de-enchant it so the portal will close.
· Open Loop: Will Titania discover Levi’s betrayal?
· Mystery: How did Mark learn magic?
· Empathy/Distress: Levi questions his loyalty to his teacher.
· Payoff: The wavering that Levi struggled with previously is now somewhat resolved, and he decides to change his allegiance.
· Irony: The person Levi is hunting is now his teacher.
· Setup: Levi will eventually learn that Mark and the wolves are actually his ancestors.
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Daniel Melin’s Scene Requirements
What I learned doing this assignment is how important it is to rely on the creative processes. This particular lesson, I leaned hard on simply comping up with 10 bad ideas to get the creative juices flowing, and at least not be stuck. It’s not the greatest feeling in the world when you’re going through it, but once you’re done, it really helps. I knew three or four of the creative processes from memory, but now I’ve printed them out and put them on the corkboard over my desk, so I have zero excuses not to have another trick to try when I’m stuck.
Teaser:
EXT. Forest—Night
Levi, Titania and her huntswoman are all on horseback, following a pack of three wolves, who are in turn chasing a deer with a large rack of antlers through the forest. The deer eventually disappears into a particularly dark and dense section of the forest, and the wolves lose the scent. Titania is enraged that they’ve lost their quarry, but Levi seems bored. He says that they’ve never had a chance of catching the deer anyway, and he begins to turn back the way they’ve come.
· Start: Levi, Titania, and her huntswoman all follow a pack of three wolves who are chasing a deer.
· Situation: This is exciting on the surface, but it is actually the same exact outcome that Levi has come to expect for the several years that he has been traveling there for.
· Conflict: Levi and Titania are trying to chase down the deer.
· Action: Levi simply turns around and starts to head out of the forest, while Titania and her huntswoman look concernedly back at him.
· Finish: Levi starts to ride, bored and dejected-looking out of the forest.
INT. Castle Hall—Night
Levi, Titania and the huntswoman all return to a magnificent castle, where music is playing and dancers fill the hall. Levi moves right past the dancers, however, and stares listlessly out the window at the forest.
Titania walks over and tries to convince Levi to rejoin the dance, but Levi wants to know why he can’t perform magic except in Everlasting Summer. Titania says that it’s dangerous out there, and that performing magic could attract unwanted attention to Everlasting Summer. Titania then says she will find Puck to cheer Levi up.
· Start: Levi, Titania and the huntswoman return to the castle to find the hall filled with dancers.
· Challenge: Like the hunt, the dance is just an empty celebration, and Levi doesn’t take joy in any of it.
· Conflict: Levi asks Titania why he can’t practice magic outside of Everlasting Summer.
· Action: Levi leaves the dance to stare out the window over the forest.
· Finish: Titania decides to go and find Puck to cheer them up.
INT. Castle Hall—Night
Titania leaves Levi at the window and goes over to the huntswoman who is conferring with two guards. Titania asks the huntswoman where Puck is. The huntswoman says that Puck is currently missing. Titania is clearly perturbed, though she says that she’s sure he’s just playing a prank. The huntswoman says that the guards tell her there has been no sign of Puck all night. Titania hands The huntswoman a key, and tells her to check the dungeons. He isn’t supposed to be down there, but maybe he found a way to sneak in. The huntswoman then takes the guards with her and leaves the hall to look for Puck.
· Start: Titania goes to ask the huntswoman why Puck hasn’t arrived.
· Challenge: One of the people Titania relies on most for keeping her castle jovial and entertaining isn’t around.
· Conflict: Titania asks the huntswoman if he has looked for Puck.
· Action: Titania sends the huntswoman to look in the dungeons and hands her a key.
· Finish: The huntswoman goes with the guards to hunt Puck down.
INT. Castle Hall—Night
Titania returns to Levi, who is still sitting, dejected by the window. Titania says that Puck can’t be found anywhere. Levi says that that is very unusual, but Titania distracts him from asking any more questions by grabbing one of the female dancers, and sending Levi with her out onto the dance floor. Levi reluctantly joins the dance.
Levi dutifully dances for a while as the music grows louder. Levi tries to excuse himself to sit back down but the music drowns out his attempts to do so. Finally an alarm breaks through the music, and Levi wakes up in his Minneapolis apartment.
· Start: Titania convinces Levi to dance.
· Challenge: Levi wants something real and valuable, but he is still stuck in this fake paradise.
· Conflict: Levi tries to excuse himself from the dance again.
· Action: The music seems to grow louder and louder.
· Finish: Levi wakes up back in his Minneapolis apartment.
Act 1:
EXT. Suburban House—Day
Levi drives up to a suburban house with a truck and trailer parked on the street out front. Miguel steps out of the truck as Levi starts walking towards the house. He tells Levi how glad he is that he finally agreed to quit his restaurant job and come work for him.
Miguel shows Levi into the house and introduces him to his other employee, Jorge. Miguel asks Levi if he’s painted professionally before and Levi says no. Miguel quickly shows Levi how he wants things done, and then tells him to ask Jorge any questions, while he steps outside on a phone call.
· Start: Levi is looking forward to working with Miguel.
· Challenge: Levi has been working a restaurant job for a while, and he hasn’t been used to physical work for several months.
· Conflict: Levi wants to know how to begin painting the room properly.
· Action: Jorge shows Levi how to paint the walls.
· Finish: Miguel has to step away to take a call.
INT. Suburban House—Day
Levi starts cutting in the corners of the room where he and Jorge are painting. Levi starts trying to chat up Jorge and ask him questions about the other jobs they have lined up, but Jorge only gives monosyllabic answers in return.
· Start: Levi is trying to get to know his new coworker.
· Challenge: Levi wants to know more about the job, but Jorge doesn’t say much.
· Conflict: Levi tries to ask Jorge about what the next job that they’re going for will entail.
· Action: Jorge starts hurriedly packing up his tools at the end of the day.
· Finish: Jorge is very noncommittal and doesn’t respond to Levi’s comments about working on future jobs together.
INT. Suburban House—Day
Miguel is outside, talking on the phone to one of his clients, who is giving him an excuse for why he can’t pay his rent. Jorge comes up to him and asks him if he’s had a chance to think about his offer. Miguel holds off and finishes his call, before turning to Jorge and telling him that while Jorge has improved a lot and has taken on a lot of responsibility, he still can’t justify making him a partner. Jorge says that he does almost as much work if not more than Miguel, and storms off the site.
· Start: Miguel is trying to talk to one of his tenants who has not been paying their rent.
· Challenge: Miguel values his status, and having Jorge attack him for not making him a partner irks him.
· Conflict: Jorge wants to know why Miguel hasn’t made him a partner in the company.
· Action: Jorge storms off site
· Finish: Miguel watches his most relied upon worker leave angrily.
INT. Kitchen Table—Night
Levi is at his parents’ house for Sunday dinner. Levi, his parents, Nathaniel and Catherine, and his sisters, Cathy and Lily. Everyone is quietly enjoying dinner until Catherine brings up that they haven’t visited Talia in a while. Levi stays conspicuously silent. Catherin continues to prod and says that she and Nathaniel are going this week if Levi would have the time to join them. Levi says that he’ll think about it, but he’s pretty busy with his new job and may not be able to make it.
· Start: Levi is having a quiet dinner with his family.
· Challenge: Levi’s parents want Levi to go visit his sister in the mental hospital.
· Conflict: Catherine and Nathaniel want to know why Levi’s doesn’t have time to visit his sister.
· Action: Levi says he is busy with his new job and too tired to go and visit his sister, but he plans on doing so when he has the time.
· Finish: Levi says he has to leave early in order to be ready for work the next morning.
EXT. Suburban House—Day
Levi shows up to work the next day, but notices that Jorge’s car isn’t there. Levi goes up to Miguel, who tells him that Jorge quit. The two of them go into the house, and then Miguel tells him how sloppy his work from the previous day is. He tells Levi that he will need to go over it again, and make sure to be more careful this time. He then asks Levi if he will be okay staying a little bit later, since it’s just the two of them. Levi acquiesces.
· Start: Levi comes into work, expecting to see Jorge.
· Challenge: Miguel now has one less worker, and he needs Levi to pick up the slack.
· Conflict: Miguel needs three more bedrooms painted by the end of the day.
· Action: Miguel makes Levi start the room he works on over again.
· Finish: Levi and Miguel end up working until 7 that night.
Act 2:
INT. Clarence’s Cigar Lounge—Night
Miguel and Levi step into Clarence’s Cigar Lounge and take a seat in one of the corners. Levi has brought his book bag into the shop with them, and Miguel notices a book on magic inside when Levi takes out his laptop to make a few notes about their work schedule next week. Miguel takes out the book and begins to tease Levi for having such a silly hobby.
Levi is clearly embarrassed and says that magic isn’t silly. Miguel goads Levi to prove to him that magic even exists. Levi hesitates for a second, and then looks around the room. When he is sure no one is looking, he makes a motion towards a small painting of a deer on the wall beside them, and says a few words, which cause the deer to start moving on the canvas. Levi then says another few words, and the deer seems to resist, but eventually, he settles back into his old position on the canvas. Miguel is clearly impressed, but then says that still asks Levi what practical use magic could have. Levi doesn’t have an answer.
· Start: Levi and Miguel want to unwind after a hard day of work.
· Challenge: Miguel starts teasing Levi when he finds out that Levi is interested in magic.
· Conflict: Miguel tries to convince Levi to prove to him that magic is real.
· Action: Levi animates a painting on the wall of the cigar lounge.
· Finish: Miguel is impressed that Levi actually can do magic, but is still skeptical of its usefulness.
EXT. Clarence’s Cigar Lounge—Night
Later that night, a cop in Athens gets a call saying that there is a disturbance at Clarence’s. He drives over and hears crashing inside. He calls out for whoever’s inside to come out, but the crashing continues. He opens the door, and a deer rushes out from a back corner. The cop dodges out of the way, just as the deer crashes through one of the glass windows. What looks like a wild dog starts chasing after the deer, but then notices the cop. The dog snarls at the cop, and the cop raises his gun. When the dog attacks him, the cop shoots. The dog yelps, but apparently isn’t killed, and runs off.
· Start: A cop responds to a disturbance at Clarence’s Cigar Lounge.
· Challenge: The cop responds to a call, to find out that it is a deer caught in the shop with a wild dog.
· Conflict: The cop tries to get the animals out of the shop.
· Action: The dog attacks the cop, who shoots at the dog.
· Finish: The cop shoots at a wild dog, but the wounded dog runs off.
INT. Mental Hospital—Day
Nathaniel and Catherine show up at a mental hospital where a nurse shows them into the visiting room. Catherine asks how Talia has been doing, and the nurse says that she claims to have seen something the previous night, and that the doctors are thinking of adjusting her medications again.
Nathaniel and Catherine go over to a table where a young woman is sitting. The nurse tells Talia that her parents are here to see her. Talia groggily says hello and hugs her parents. Nathaniel and Catherine ask her how she is, and she says that she has been doing fine, but that she saw a strange man, completely naked outside on the grounds. Catherine and Nathaniel look uncomfortably at one another, but then go along with the story.
· Start: Nathaniel and Catherine are hoping to see signs that their daughter is doing better.
· Challenge: Nathaniel and Catherine have to see their daughter, whom they love, struggling with mental illness, and not appearing to be getting any better.
· Conflict: Talia wants to talk to Nathaniel and Catherine about the naked man who was outside her window the previous night.
· Action: Nathaniel and Catherine
· Finish: Nathaniel and Catherine think that Talia is hallucinating, and her meds may have to be adjusted.
EXT. Forest—Night
Levi is making his way through the forest, this time on foot and by himself. It is a darker part of the forest from the one he was riding through in the first scene. He casts a spell that creates a little orb of light in his hand, but the light seems to struggle, and Levi looks confusedly at the light, but eventually it manages to form itself more fully, but Levi still struggles to see the path in front of him as he makes his way through the trees.
Levi hears footsteps and sees a figure disappear behind one of the trees. Levi begins to run, but the figure soon starts to run alongside him. Levi keeps going, and eventually he reaches the tree line, where Titania and the huntswoman are waiting. Levi tells him that he was being followed, but when the three of them investigate the forest, they can’t find anyone.
· Start: Levi is making his way through the forest, which seems darker than usual.
· Challenge: The forest is darker than Levi is used to, and he sees just barely that someone is stalking him in the trees.
· Conflict: Levi tries to get out of the trees before the strange figure can catch up with him.
· Action: Levi casts a spell to light his way, but even that light seems dimmer than it normally does.
· Finish: Levi manages to get out of the forest and escape the strange figure stalking him through the trees.
EXT. Castle Grounds—Night
Titania brings Levi back to the castle of Everlasting Summer and immediately accuses him of disobeying her and performing magic outside of Everlasting Summer. Levi says that he only performed a simple illusion, but Titania says that he has put Everlasting Summer in danger and points to the sky. The moon, which is normally full every night in Everlasting Summer, has now started to wane. Titania tells Levi that he has opened a portal, which has caused Everlasting Summer to lose some of its magic, along with one of the wolves and the deer that they have been chasing, and that if he wants things to go back to the way they were, he will have to do something to close it.
· Start: Levi finds a distraught Titania coming out of the castle to greet him.
· Challenge: Titania accuses Levi of disobeying her and performing magic outside of Everlasting Summer.
· Conflict: Levi tries to explain that he didn’t intend for anything bad to happen.
· Action: Titania shows Levi how the moon has started to wane.
· Finish: Titania tells Levi that he will have to repair the portal that he created by accident.
Act 3:
EXT. Road—Day
Levi starts driving to work the next morning, his thoughts adrift, when he sees a sudden flash of movement on the side of the road. Levi stops and looks to see a deer in the road that bolts into the trees on the other side of the road. Levi gets out of his car and sneaks into the trees. He comes across the deer, whose back is now turned to him, and whose head is down, chewing the grass. Levi steps on a twig alerting the deer, whose head turns. Levi sees that the antlers are too small for it to be the deer that escaped Everlasting Summer, and he returns to his car.
· Start: Levi is driving into work, his mind elsewhere.
· Challenge: A deer runs out in the middle of the road.
· Conflict: Levi tries to see if it’s the deer that escaped from Everlasting Summer.
· Action: Levi sees that the deer is too small to be the one from Everlasting Summer.
· Finish: Levi starts to drive again, more carefully, and with greater attention to the road.
EXT. Clarence’s Cigar Lounge—Day
Levi goes to Clarence’s with his bag, and a book that he plans to use for looking up spells when he sees the window boarded over, and a sign saying that the shop is temporarily closed. A strange man walks up and asks Levi if he heard about what happened. Levi says that he hasn’t heard and the stranger tells him about the events from the previous night. The stranger introduces himself as Mark, and looks at Levi’s book, asking him about it. Levi hides the book under his arm, and says he has to be going, and awkwardly walks away.
· Start: Levi wants to relax at Clarence’s with a book.
· Challenge: Levi finds out that his favorite spot to relax has been temporarily closed.
· Conflict: Levi asks the stranger what happened.
· Action: The stranger introduces himself as Mark, and looks strangely at Levi.
· Finish: Levi excuses himself and goes back home.
INT. Tower—Night
Titania and her huntswoman are in a tower in Everlasting Summer, watching the moon that has continued to wane. The huntswoman asks Titania if she trusts Levi, and Titania says that she can’t be sure. She tells the huntswoman that they have no choice but to start going into Athens. Titania tells the huntswoman that she will now have to start accompanying Levi on monthly hunts when the moon is full and their magic is at its strongest.
· Start: Titania and her huntswoman are talking about what to do about Levi.
· Challenge: Titania is now unsure that she will be able to control her prey now that it has escaped into Athens.
· Conflict: Titania convinces the huntswoman that as long as they conclude their hunt quickly, problems won’t arise.
· Action: Titania tells the huntswoman to keep a close eye on Levi.
· Finish: Titania instructs the huntswoman to keep an eye on Levi, and make sure that Levi catches the deer.
EXT. Castle Garden—Night
There is a knock on the door to the tower, and when the huntswoman opens it, Levi is on the other side. He tells Titania that the portal that he opened is in the shop, which is now closed, and he can’t get to it. Levi tells Titania that he will need her permission to use magic in Athens again. Titania agrees but that he will have to take the huntswoman along with him to make sure no complications arise. Levi agrees and assures Titania that he knows how to get in without them being seen.
· Start: Levi tells Titania that the portal is locked in Clarence’s and he can’t get to it.
· Challenge: Clarence’s is closed for the time being and the moon continues to wane in Everlasting Summer.
· Conflict: Levi asks Titania for permission to use magic again.
· Action: Levi says that he has found a spell to create a doorway into Clarence’s without being seen.
· Finish: Titania agrees to let Levi use magic to get into Clarence’s provided he takes the huntswoman along with him.
EXT. Clarence’s Cigar Lounge—Night
Levi and the huntswoman are standing on the street outside of Clarence’s. Levi takes a scoop of sand from a bag and blows on it as he says some magic words. The sand sparks briefly and then scatters all over the street. Levi and the huntswoman then go across the street, and Levi carves a doorway with chalk in the boards over the window. The two of them step inside, and go to the back corner where the painting is supposed to be. When they get there, Levi sees a completely different painting of a jazz ensemble on a stage. The huntswoman asks him what is wrong, and Levi says that someone must have taken the painting.
· Start: Levi prepares to cast a spell that will keep him and the huntswoman from being seen.
· Challenge: Levi now has to use magic again, but under strict supervision.
· Conflict: Levi has to get into Clarence’s without alerting anyone.
· Action: Levi creates a doorway from the mirror in his apartment to a mirror in Clarence’s.
· Finish: The painting is missing.
INT. Levi’s Apartment—Night
Levi is sitting in his apartment when he hears a knock on the door. When he opens it, he sees the strange man from the previous day, who introduced himself as Mark. In front of Mark on the floor is a rectangular object with a sheet over it. Mark asks to come inside, and then shows Levi that he has the painting from the shop, but there is no longer a deer inside of it. Mark explains that he too is a magician, and that he is in grave danger unless he lets him help him. Levi refuses and tries to take the painting back, but Mark causes the painting to disappear, and says that he is going to keep a hold of the painting.
· Start: Levi hears a knock on the door.
· Challenge: Levi sees that Mark has the painting that he enchanted earlier.
· Conflict: Levi asks Mark why he took the painting.
· Action: Mark tells Levi that he is a magician as well.
· Finish: Mark invites Levi to study magic with him.
Act 4:
INT. Bar—Night
The following night, Levi and Miguel are out at the bar having drinks, and Miguel starts asking him questions about the shop closing and whether his magic had anything to do with that. Levi confesses that he did. Miguel then tells Levi that he had better figure out a way to fix it, and to stay away from magic. When Miguel goes to the bathroom Levi takes a potion out of his pocket and slips it into Miguel’s drink.
· Start: Levi and Miguel are having drinks after work.
· Challenge: Miguel starts asking questions about the events at Clarence’s.
· Conflict: Levi tries to convince Miguel that he didn’t have anything to do with what happened at Clarence’s.
· Action: Miguel tells Levi to be more careful with magic.
· Finish: Levi slips a potion into Miguel’s drink.
EXT. Suburban House—Day
The following morning, Levi shows up to work, and Miguel shows up looking not at all pleased. He says they have to talk about Levi’s painting. Levi nervously follows him into the house, and is somewhat relieved when Miguel angrily points out that the wall that he painted is still not up to the standards that he expects and tells Levi that he will have to repaint it AGAIN.
· Start: Levi goes in to work, wondering whether the potion has worked.
· Challenge: Miguel looks stern about something when Levi gets there.
· Conflict: Miguel lectures Levi on his painting again when he gets there.
· Action: Miguel says he wants to talk to Levi about his painting.
· Finish: Levi and Miguel start working as they have been for the past week.
INT. Clarence’s Cigar Lounge—Day
Levi is reading his book and taking notes in Clarence’s the following evening, when Mark shows up. Mark asks Levi if he has reconsidered his offer. Levi tells Mark that he needs his painting back. Mark then confesses to Levi that Titania is not what she seems. He then shows Levi a picture of a young man, and tells him that his son disappeared several years ago, and he believes that Titania enchanted him. He then offers to teach Levi magic.
· Start: Levi is back in Clarence’s which is open again.
· Challenge: Mark goes to Levi and tells him how dangerous Titania is.
· Conflict: Levi and Mark argue about whether he should stay with Titania or learn magic from him.
· Action: Mark shows Levi a picture of his son.
· Finish: Mark offers to teach Levi magic.
Act 5:
INT. Levi’s Apartment—Night
Later that night, Levi comes home to his apartment to find the huntswoman already waiting for him. She tells him that they will have to hunt only by the full moon every night. Levi wants to know why this is. The huntswoman explains that the reason the moon was full every night in Everlasting Summer was to preserve its magic, which relies on the moon. In Athens, they will be at the mercy of its cycles. The huntswoman tells Levi to be ready at the next full moon.
· Start: The huntswoman shows up at Levi’s apartment.
· Challenge: The huntswoman tells Levi that they will have to hunt in Athens now.
· Conflict: Levi wants to know if Titania is okay with this.
· Action: Levi looks at the waning moon.
· Finish: The huntswoman tells him to be ready at the next full moon.
EXT. Clarence’s—Night
A month later, it is the full moon again, and Levi and the huntswoman open a portal from Everlasting Summer to Athens, and Levi hurriedly closes it behind them once the two of them, and the two remaining hunting wolves they have are on the other side. Once Levi casts his sleeping spell with the sand again, the party tracks the deer to the grounds of a mental institution. Levi looks up and sees Talia looking out of a window at him. He hurriedly casts his sleeping spell again, and Talia retreats from the window. Levi turns to the huntress and calls off the hunt for the night.
· Start: Levi and the huntswoman wait for the wolves.
· Challenge: Levi has to make sure that the whole hunting party will not be seen by anyone in Athens.
· Conflict: Levi and the rest of the hunting party try to track down the deer.
· Action: Levi sees Talia in the window.
· Finish: The hunting party loses the trail of the deer at the mental institution where Talia stays.
INT. Clarence’s Cigar Lounge—Day
Levi is studying in Clarence’s. Mark walks in and Levi motions to him. Levi asks Mark how he knows so much about Titania. Mark says that ever since his son disappeared, he has learned everything he can about the fairy queen and has learned that she has enchanted many more people, and he will do anything he can to stop her. Levi says that he will work with Mark on the condition that he relinquish the painting and de-enchant it so the portal will close.
· Start: Mark walks into Clarence’s.
· Challenge: Mark asks Levi if he’s reconsidered his offer.
· Conflict: Levi asks Mark how he knows so much about Titania.
· Action: Levi offers his hand to Mark.
· Finish: Levi agrees to work with Mark.
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Daniel Melin’s Beat Sheet
What I learned doing this assignment is the value of getting to play a little after the hard work of planning. A lot of the previous lessons felt like a slog, but they helped make this lesson easier. Now that I can trust that the most important structural steps are there, I can just go by feel, and fill in any blanks that were left over.
A story = High Concept story: Levi hunts down the deer,
and learns magic.
B story = Colleagues and Competitors: Titania defends
the borders of Everlasting Summer.
C story = Other relationships: Nathaniel and Catherine
try to get Talia out of the mental institution.· Show Concept: An aspiring magician decides to lift a curse his mentor has placed on several young men and master new and darker forms of magic, while navigating the magical underworld that threatens to consume his small, Midwestern city.
· Inciting Incident:
o Act 1: Levi works for his friend’s contracting company, which he finds unfulfilling and spends his nights in the fairy realm of Everlasting Summer, hunting in the woods and learning magic.
o Midpoint: Levi finds out that one of Titania’s wolves broke into Athens through the portal he opened, and that he was actually a werewolf.
o Lock-In: Levi agrees to study with Mark, and figure out a way to lift Titania’s curse.
Teaser:
EXT. Forest—Night
Levi and Titania chase a deer through the forest with a pack of three wolves.
INT. Castle Hall—Night
Back at the castle of Everlasting Summer, Levi asks Titania why he can’t practice magic outside of Everlasting Summer.
INT. Castle Hall—Night
Titania’s huntsman tells her that Puck has disappeared.
INT. Castle Hall—Night
Levi dances until his alarm wakes him up, and he is back in his apartment in Minneapolis.
Act 1:
EXT. Suburban House—Day
Levi meets Miguel at the job-site and Miguel instructs Levi on where the tools are, warning him to put everything back when he’s done.
INT. Suburban House—Day
Levi and Jorge work on the flooring while Miguel takes a call.
INT. Suburban House—Day
Miguel and Jorge get into an argument and Jorge storms off the site.
INT. Kitchen Table—Night
Levi has dinner with his parents and two sisters. His parents say they are going to visit Talia in the hospital and ask if Levi would like to go. He says no.
EXT. Suburban House—Day
The next day, Miguel tells Levi that Jorge quit, and asks him if he doesn’t mind working a little bit later
Act 2:
INT. Clarence’s Cigar Lounge—Night
Miguel makes fun of Levi for his interest in magic at Clarence’s. Levi enchants a picture hanging on the wall so that it moves.
EXT. Clarence’s Cigar Lounge—Night
A cop responds to a disturbance at Clarence’s. A deer breaks through the glass door and runs off. He shoots at a wild dog that attacks him, but the dog runs off.
INT. Mental Hospital—Day
Nathaniel and Catherine visit their daughter Talia in the mental institution.
EXT. Forest—Night
Levi travels through the forest passageway to Everlasting Summer, and sees a shadowy figure lurking in the trees.
EXT. Castle Grounds—Night
Titania shows Levi that the moon is no longer full and tells him that he will have to repair the portal he has opened between Everlasting Summer and Athens.
Act 3:
EXT. Road—Day
Levi almost hits a deer on his way into work.
EXT. Clarence’s Cigar Lounge—Day
Levi goes to Clarence’s to find it closed. A strange man tells Levi about what happened the previous night.
INT. Tower—Night
The huntsman asks Titania what they are going to do. Titania says that he will be responsible for making sure Levi catches the deer without any complications arising.
EXT. Castle Garden—Night
Levi tells Titania that he cannot access the portal he made without using more magic, and that the deer and one of the wolves are now in Athens. Titania says that she will send Levi back with the huntsman to chaperone him.
EXT. Clarence’s Cigar Lounge—Night
Levi and the huntsman break into Clarence’s using magic. They find that the painting is now missing.
EXT. Levi’s Apartment Building—Night
The stranger from earlier confronts Levi and shows him that he has the painting. He introduces himself as Mark and says that he too is a magician.
Act 4:
INT. Bar—Night
Levi goes out for drinks with Miguel, who asks him about the events at Clarence’s. Levi slips the potion into Miguel’s drink.
EXT. Suburban House—Day
The next day Levi asks Miguel about the painting, but Miguel doesn’t remember anything.
INT. Clarence’s Cigar Lounge—Day
Mark tells Levi that Titania can’t be trusted, and that he will need his help if he is going to stop her. He offers to teach Levi magic.
Act 5:
INT. Levi’s Apartment—Night
The huntsman informs Levi that they will now be hunting in Athens every full moon.
INT. Clarence’s Cigar Lounge—Day
Levi agrees to learn magic from Mark, who says they will have to infiltrate Everlasting Summer without Titania knowing.
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Daniel Melin’s Setting Up the Future
What I learned doing this assignment is the value of having your framework, not only to refer back to when doing subsequent lessons, but to update it with each lesson as your vision for the story becomes clearer. I loved going back and realizing that I had much better ideas for different character and plot layers, or that I had a much snappier idea for the emotional profile of a given character. It keeps me from getting lost in the weeds, and reminds me to keep a clear, unifying idea of the show in mind.
STEP 1
TV Pitch Bible
Concept: Levi is an spiring magician. His mentor has placed a curse on three men. Levi will also start to resort to darker forms of magic as he progresses. It isn’t just exposure to the real world that threatens Athens, Everlasting Summer will begin to influence and wreak havoc on Athens in turn.
Episode Descriptions: Episode 2: Mark reveals himself as a fellow magician. Episode 3: Levi gets bitten by one of the wolves. Episode 4: Levi finds a hidden library in Everlasting Summer. Episode 5: Titania is actually a human witch named Ruth, who created Everlasting Summer after her son died in a harsh English Winter. Episode 6: Levi’s magic will eventually sabotage a work-site causing problems for him at work. Episode 7: Levi will find out that a young man harassed his sister and will sacrifice him to preserve his cover with Ruth. Episode 8: Ruth will eventually kidnap Nick, Miguel’s son and Levi will have to confess what has happened to him. Episode 9: Ruth will get to Oberon’s staff before Levi does. Episode 10: Levi will stop Ruth from killing Jeptha.
This character will know that Jeptha is partly responsible for his son’s death, but that Ruth is responsible for turning Jeptha’s descendants into werewolves. Levi is hiding the nature of the magic he is doing from Ruth. Levi will learn the location of Oberon’s staff.
The mystery is that Titania is actually Ruth, and wants to kill Jeptha, her lover and the father of her dead son. I can have Titania make passing mention of someone dear to her who died. There is also a clue about the way that her son died in the nature of Everlasting Summer. Mark will make mention of the fact that one of his children is under Titania’s curse.
BW Framework
Levi’s family has a certain amount of tension in it, especially between Levi and his sisters. At one point in the pilot, Levi can go over for Sunday dinner, and one of the family members can mention that they went to see Talia, and Levi will mention that he hasn’t gone. His sisters will goad him during dinner when he corrects them on a point of history and they will say that he’s just a know-it-all. I can hint at Titania’s hatred for the deer early on in the pilot. I can mention some of the strange and troubling history of Levi’s family in the dinner scene. I can also establish some of the tensions going on in Miguel’s family early on, with Millie making passive-aggressive jokes about Miguel seeing other women, and about some of the drama Miguel has going on with Nick.
STEP 2
To what lengths will Levi go to learn more magic?
Who is the stranger who shows up asking about the
break-in at Clarence’s?
Why can Levi only hunt the deer on the full moon?
What is the tragedy in Titania’s past?
What dark history is Levi’s family hiding?
Why does Titania want to hunt down the deer so badly? -
Daniel Melin’s Empathy/Distress!
What I learned doing this assignment is how, even when characters do immoral things, the fact that they perform these acts often under stressful situations still causes us to feel connected to them. This assignment was definitely still useful, but occasionally I felt it was redundant. Often I realized that many of the previous exercises had already caused me to build in empathy/distress into the beats of the story. In order for something to be intriguing, for example, often I found myself introducing distressing elements into the story, which had already fulfilled the requirements for this assignment ahead of time. Still, it was gratifying to see that all the assignments are interlocked, and that every process helps the other.
Step 1:
Teaser
External character conflicts: Titania tells Levi that he can’t practice magic outside of Everlasting Summer, or it will bring it to an end.
Plans that failed: Levi shows
Titania a book of spells that he found, and a piece of paper on which he’s
been working on a spell of his own, but Titania snaps it away, and tears
it up. Actually, she manipulates him and tells him how hurt she was that
he has been going outside her guidelines. Titania threatens to not allow
Levi to visit Everlasting Summer anymore.
Witnessing the pain of others: Levi
is clearly discontented with how predictable Everlasting Summer has
become. He even lets the deer go on purpose because he realizes that they
are never going to catch it.Act 1
Undeserved misfortune: Levi and Miguel uncover a whole bunch of new water damage at the first job site.
External character conflicts: Miguel
and Jorge are fighting about Jorge allegedly stealing tools. Miguel shoves
Jorge and almost
Plot intruding on life: Levi is late
for work on his first day because of how much he exerted himself during
the hunt, and this makes the customer very nervous.
Plans that failed: Levi wanted an
easier job, but now finds himself having to take up additional
responsibility, and work for longer hours, or they may lose this customer.
Witnessing the pain of others:
Miguel insults Levi’s competence as a carpenter, right as the customer
walks in to check on the progress.
Extreme consequences: Levi takes a
kitchen sink out of the bathroom and damages a drainpipe, which adds at
least another week to their time on site and messes up their start time
for their next job.
Brings their wound present: Miguel
insults Levi for his lack of experience, and asks him if he’s ever managed
to not fuck anything in his life up.Act 2
Undeserved
misfortune: Miguel announces to the rest of the cigar lounge patrons what
a fuck-up Levi is, in front of one of the patrons that Levi most admires.
External
character conflicts: Miguel asks Levi if he is sure he wants to continue
on the job. He tells him he is going to need him to be 100 percent present
while on the job.
Plot
intruding on life: Levi tells Miguel about his passion for magic, and then
Miguel makes fun of him, telling him that he can’t think of a more
worthless way to spend one’s time.
Plans
that failed: Levi planned to impress Miguel, and to a point, Miguel is
impressed, but then he asks Levi what good the magic is if he can only
just manipulate pictures. Miguel tells Levi to forget about magic and stop
living in La La land.
Witnessing
the pain of others: Levi is clearly discouraged by the indifferent
reaction to his magic. Levi gets angry at Miguel and tells him that he is
wrong about magic.
Extreme
consequences: Levi’s little spell causes Titania to be furious with him,
and then Levi sees that there is no longer a full moon in Everlasting
Summer. Also, one of the werewolves got out, and has been shot.
Major
loss: One of Titania’s wolves has been shot.Act 3
Plot intruding on life: When Levi returns to Everlasting Summer, he finds that all sorts of twisting passageways have cropped up on the marches between Athens and Everlasting Summer. He almost gets attacked by a shadowy figure following him on the paths.
Plans that failed: Levi tries to retrieve
the painting that he enchanted, but finds that it is now missing. Miguel
questions him about what happened to the painting.Act 4
External character conflicts: Titania is trying to get Levi to erase his friend’s memory of what happened. She impresses on him that Everlasting Summer’s safety depends on it being kept secret.
Plot intruding on life: Levi has to
use magic on his friend and boss in order to protect Everlasting Summer
and keep his work life bearable. This also causes Miguel to lose important
memories of important materials he was supposed to get for work, delaying
their work schedule even further.
Plans that failed: Levi’s plan to
impress Miguel has now backfired further, causing Miguel to be suspicious
of what Levi actually did and ask all sorts of questions. Miguel then
starts to ask where Levi has been learning magic.
Extreme consequences: Everlasting
Summer is now in danger.
Major loss: Levi’s refuge has now
been seriously compromised.
Brings their wound present: The
danger to Everlasting Summer causes Titania to mention to Levi that
someone very dear to her was hurt because she was careless and she doesn’t
want this to happen again. Levi now has to be completely loyal to
Everlasting Summer.Act 5
· External character conflicts: Titania now wants Levi to hunt down the deer in Athens, where it has escaped to, and now says that there is a real chance that it may escape for good.
· Plot intruding on life: Levi now has to have his hunts on a monthly basis, in Athens, while still preserving the secrecy of what he is up to.
· Extreme consequences: Levi’s magic has now caused him to have to practice magic in Athens on a regular basis and risk discovery, which could bring an end to Everlasting Summer.
D. Hurt those they love: Levi’s actions have to harm his family in some way. Maybe his releasing of the deer causes a psychotic break for his sister in the mental institution. The loosening of the werewolves, cause a young family friend to be bitten, and then to bite her.
E. Emotional Dilemma: When Levi realizes that Titania’s wolves, are actually werewolves, he has to choose between continuing to follow Titania, or continuing his magical education with Mark.
F. Exposed: Levi discovers that Titania’s wolves, are actually werewolves.
G. Must Make Decision with Future Consequences: Levi’s decision to work with Mark causes the boundaries between Everlasting Summer and Athens to deteriorate even further, creating more and more chaos in Athens.
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Daniel Melin’s Open Loops and Mysteries
What I learned doing this assignment is how useful the framework is not, just as something to be slavishly followed, but as a jumping off point for further additions. I just approached the framework with the attitude, of “What more does this point toward?” and found myself coming up with more open loops and mysteries fairly easily.
Main Mystery: Why did Titania place the curse?
Sub-Mysteries:
1. Who is the deer that Titania is hunting?
2. How does Mark know so much about Titania and magic?
3. Who are the werewolves Titania has enchanted?
4. Why hasn’t Titania transformed Levi into a werewolf already?
5. What else is hidden in the catacombs of Everlasting Summer?
Main Open Loop: Will Levi break the curse?
Sub-Open Loops:
1. Will Levi choose Mark’s side or Titania’s?
2. Will Levi fall under the curse as well?
3. How will Levi’s journey affect his family?
4. Will Talia overcome her mental illness?
5. Will Levi and Mark find Oberon’s staff?
Teaser
· Mystery Why can’t Levi practice magic outside of Everlasting Summer?
· Open Loop Will Levi obey Titania’s instructions?
Act 1
· Mystery Why are Miguel and Jorge fighting?
· Open Loop Will Miguel and Jorge resolve their disagreement?
Act 2
· Mystery What is different about Everlasting Summer?
· Open Loop Will Titania find out about Levi’s use of magic?
Act 3
· Mystery Who is the stranger at Clarence’s?
· Open Loop Will Levi close the portal he opened to Everlasting Summer?
Act 4
· Mystery What does Titania need the strange herbs in her garden for?
· Open Loop What will happen to the police officer who shot the werewolf?
Act 5
· Mystery What else escaped from Everlasting Summer?
· Open Loop Will Levi agree to learn magic from Mark?
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Daniel Melin’s Stacks Intrigue
What I learned doing this assignment is how purposefully the audience’s attention has to be maintained. I had just taken for granted that once the turning points were created, the majority of the outline would have to do with how to integrate exposition and other important character work.
Intriguing World: We watch the world of Everlasting Summer, first we see Titania and Levi go on the hunt, and then we watch them return to the castle, where we have dancing and feasting, but no Puck shows up to play tricks.
Intrigue: Titania exchanges a look
with her huntsman when Puck doesn’t show up, and he shakes his head,
indicating that something else is going on.
Accusation: Titania accuses the
huntsman of losing track of him.
Titania Turning Point 1: The
huntsman tells Titania that Puck has gone missing.Intriguing World: We hear Titania and Levi debate the ban on Levi’s using magic outside of Everlasting Summer, but it’s never specified what they mean.
Mystery: Titania says that she will
miss Levi until he returns.
Wound: Titania mentions how Levi
came to Everlasting Summer when he needed a refuge.
Strange Behavior: Levi seems
distracted and wanting to leave. He seems bored with Everlasting Summer.
Accusation: Titania accuses Levi of
wanting to leave her, and she does so somewhat playfully.
Teaser
Turning Point: Levi wakes up in the ordinary world of Minneapolis.Intriguing World: The world of construction is intriguing to a degree. It’s full of weird characters and it’s often high-stress, with anxious customers who want their dream home, or who are dealing with unforeseen and expensive damages to their home.
Intrigue: Miguel mentions that Jorge
has been “borrowing” tools from him and forgetting to put them back.
Mystery: Miguel and Jorge start
arguing in Spanish at the end of the day and Jorge storms off.
Wound: Miguel slept with Jorge’s
wife, and Jorge just found out about it.
Strange Behavior: When Levi refers
to needing Jorge’s help at the next job, Jorge doesn’t answer.
Accusation: Miguel accuses Jorge of
stealing his tools.
Act 1 Turning Point/Levi Turning
Point 1: Miguel’s foreman unexpectedly quits, and Miguel
asks Levi to work longer hours and take on more responsibility at work.Intriguing World: The passageway to Everlasting Summer seems more shadowy than he remembers.
Secret: On the day before Levi
returns, the weather announcer says that there has been a heat wave.
Hidden Layer: The hunt has been
postponed.
Strange Behavior: Titania postpones
the hunt, claiming that there is not enough light to see by.
Accusation: Titania accuses Levi of ignoring
her instructions.
Act 2 Turning Point/Midpoint:
Titania confronts Levi and shows him that the moon is no longer full in
Everlasting Summer. She tells him that he has to close the portal he
opened, or Everlasting Summer’s enchantment will fade.Intriguing World: Levi almost hits a deer on his way to work, but it turns out just to be an ordinary deer.
Strange Behavior: The huntsman is
gone for a long while before the hunt.
Titania Turning Point 2: Titania
finds out that not only one of her wolves, but the deer has now crossed
over into Athens.Intriguing World: We are introduced to the many passageways through Everlasting Summer, which Mark dramatically reveals he knows, when he summons Levi to him at the end of his night in Everlasting Summer. But we need only to hint at this. When Levi goes to everlasting Summer, he gets there by a different way. There are strange passageways that he finds himself walking down, with many new forks in the road that he hadn’t noticed before. He sees a strange figure on one of the pathways.
Intrigue: Levi at first notices Mark
at the shop, but doesn’t understand why he wants so badly to talk to him.
Strange Behavior: There is a
completely different painting where the one Levi enchanted once hung, and
none of the employees or other regulars seem to notice any difference.
Accusation: Miguel asks Levi what he
did with the painting.
Act 3 Turning Point: Levi
learns that the painting was taken by another magician that has just
arrived in Athens, named Mark.Intriguing World: Levi is brought to a corner of Titania’s garden that he has never seen before, where she gathers some strange herbs.
Intrigue: Titania guides Levi through
a process of creating a potion, but doesn’t explain what it’s for.
Wound: Titania’s memories of her
son, prompt her hasty reaction. She mentions to Levi that someone very
dear to her was threatened by her carelessness, and that she doesn’t plan
on the same mistake happening twice.
Strange Behavior: The dance at
Everlasting Summer goes on as usual, but there is no hunt, and the music
seems more melancholy than normal.
Act 4 Turning Point/Levi Turning
Point 2: Levi learns from Titania how to erase Miguel’s
memory so that no one will know it was him who brought the werewolf to
Athens. -
·Daniel Melin’s Layers and Reveals
What I learned doing this assignment is the value of the creative processes. I’ve normally just used one or two processes, and usually with more specific prompting from the assignment. As I’ve continued, I get overwhelmed more easily thinking about all of the changes I have to make, or start to second guess things as I’m doing them. For this assignment, I skipped around the different prompts whenever I got stuck for too long, and forced myself to come back to things later. Eventually things started to take shape, and I got over the paralysis.
Surface: Levi lives in a magical kingdom called Everlasting Summer.
· Layer Beneath: Levi only goes to Everlasting Summer at night. He spends the rest of his time in the ordinary world.
· How Revealed: Levi wakes up to the sound of a normal alarm clock.
· Surface: Everything is going as normal in Everlasting Summer.
· Layer Beneath: The audience learns that one of the most famous fixtures in Titania’s court is missing.
· How Revealed: Puck doesn’t show up to perform tricks as he normally does.
· Surface: Levi will have a low-responsibility position at his new job.
· Layer Beneath: Levi finds out he will have to work longer hours at his new job than he anticipated.
· How Revealed: Miguel’s foreman doesn’t show up for work, and it turns out has tried to poach another job from Miguel.
· Surface: Everlasting Summer is always under a full moon, and nothing can change that.
· Layer Beneath: Levi learns that Everlasting Summer is now at the mercy of time, which it wasn’t before, thanks to his opening the portal.
· How Revealed: When Levi returns to Everlasting Summer, he finds that the moon has waned.
· Surface: A wild dog appears in Clarence’s one night.
· Layer Beneath: Levi learns that the wolf was a werewolf.
· How Revealed: Levi shows up at Clarence’s and finds the place damaged.
· Surface: There is a stranger at Clarence’s who wants to introduce himself to Levi.
· Layer Beneath: Levi learns that the stranger, Mark, from Clarence’s is actually a fellow magician.
· How Revealed: Mark shows Levi the painting, which he has commandeered.
· Surface: There was just a dog that accidentally got shot at Clarence’s.
· Layer Beneath: The cop who shot the young man is actually a friend of Levi’s and the other regulars.
· How Revealed: Levi asks where Bill is, and the other regulars tell him that he is under investigation and has been suspended.
· Surface: Levi thinks that the wolf is the only thing that got out.
· Layer Beneath: Levi learns that not only one of the wolves, but the deer is now loose in Athens as well.
· How Revealed: The huntsman shows up and informs Levi that the hunt will continue in Athens.
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Daniel Melin’s Character Story Lines
What I learned doing this assignment is the value of constantly filling out the antagonist. I’m constantly amazed at how often I find that some problem I’ve agonized over turns out to be solved by adding greater depth to the antagonist. The first thing I constantly find myself doing is giving them more power so that they are capable of generating greater conflict, and the other thing I constantly do is give them as many good reasons as I can for why they do what they do. Giving my antagonist their own turning points and dilemma has already pushed this pilot forward from the last lesson substantially.
Levi
· Beginning: Levi practices magic safely within the confines of Everlasting Summer, and goes to a new job during the day.
· Turning Point 1: Miguel asks Levi to take on more responsibility at work.
· Midpoint: Levi performs magic for Miguel, which opens a portal between Everlasting Summer and Athens.
· Turning Point 2: Levi erases Miguel’s memory of the magic he performed.
· Dilemma: Levi has to choose between helping Titania hunt down the deer that is now loose in Athens, or allying himself with Mark and trying to end Titania’s curse.
· Major Conflict: Levi has to feign loyalty to Titania while working with Mark to end her curse.
· Ending: Levi has now decided to work against Titania with Mark, attempting to lift the curse she has placed on what he now knows to be werewolves under her control.
Titania
· Beginning: Titania rules over Everlasting Summer, which seems impenetrable from outside influence.
· Turning Point 1: The huntsman tells Titania that Puck has gone missing.
· Midpoint: Titania finds out that the boundaries of Everlasting Summer have been punctured.
· Turning Point 2: She finds out that not only one of her wolves, but the deer has now crossed over into Athens.
· Dilemma: Titania must choose between sending Levi to hunt the deer without her direct supervision, or risk letting the deer go.
· Major Conflict: Titania has to use her huntsman to accompany Levi on his now monthly hunts in Athens.
· Ending: Titania has no choice now but to hunt down the deer as quickly as possible so that she can return Everlasting Summer to the way it was.
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Daniel Melin’s Pilot Structure
What I learned doing this assignment is the value in brainstorming turning points from several different angles, and the value of turning the tension up and down throughout the course of the episode to create a thrilling experience. Creating the third and fourth acts was particularly useful, because it helped me show how it is that the character reacts to the midpoint before the lock-in takes effect at the close of the episode.
Teaser:
Essence: Levi asks Titania why he can’t practice magic outside of Everlasting Summer while they wait for the wolves to catch the scent of the deer.
Turning Point: Levi wakes up in the ordinary world of Minneapolis.
Act 1:
Essence: Levi starts his new job with his friend Miguel’s contracting company
Turning Point: Miguel’s foreman unexpectedly quits, and Miguel asks Levi to work longer hours and take on more responsibility at work.
Act 2:
Essence: Levi wants to prove that he can do magic and shows a little bit of it to his friend and boss.
Turning Point/Midpoint: Titania confronts Levi and shows him that the moon is no longer full in Everlasting Summer. She tells him that he has to close the portal he opened, or Everlasting Summer’s enchantment will fade.
Act 3:
Essence: Levi has to figure out a way to close the portal that he opened up to preserve Everlasting Summer’s enchantment.
Turning Point: Levi learns that the painting was taken by another magician that has just arrived in Athens, named Mark.
Act 4:
Essence: Levi’s act of magic has now endangered the career of the police officer who shot the werewolf.
Turning Point: Levi learns from Titania how to erase Miguel’s memory so that no one will know it was him who brought the werewolf to Athens.
Act 5:
Essence: Levi has to hunt down the deer that escaped Everlasting Summer.
Lock-In: Levi agrees to learn magic from Mark in order to lift Titania’s curse.
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Daniel Melin’s Amazing Inciting Incident
What I learned doing this assignment is the value of deliberately coming up with the most intriguing part of the show first, and then going backwards to cover up all the most interesting material with Act 1. It reinforces the discipline of always assuming that there is something more under the surface.
· Intriguing Concept: An aspiring magician decides to lift a curse his mentor has laid by mastering newer, darker magic, while navigating the magical underworld that threatens to consume his small, Midwestern City.
· Act 1: Levi works for his friend’s contracting company, which he finds unfulfilling and spends his nights in the fairy realm of Everlasting Summer, hunting in the woods and learning magic.
· Midpoint: Levi finds out that one of Titania’s wolves broke into Athens through the portal he opened, and that he was actually a werewolf.
· Lock-In: Levi agrees to study with Mark, and figure out a way to lift Titania’s curse.
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Daniel Melin’s Big Picture Components
What I learned doing this assignment is the value of going back and revisiting the Framework and TV Pitch Bible. Approaching them with the pilot in mind already brings up several areas for improvement in each document, and updates I hadn’t even realized I hadn’t made after doing some of the most recent work. The Framework in particular still had a lot of older ideas that working on the Pitch Bible has since elevated.
SERIES INFO
· World: The city of Athens, Minnesota and the hidden fairy realm of Everlasting Summer.
· Main Mystery: How did a werewolf get into Athens?
· Impossible Goal: To lift Titania’s curse and disenchant the werewolves.
· Main Conflict: Titania will enchant or kill Levi if she finds out what he is up to.
· Second Mystery: Who is the deer that Titania is hunting and why does she want it dead?
· Season 1 Arc: From only practicing magic in the confines of Everlasting Summer to using magic openly to lift Everlasting Summer’s curse.
· Season 1 Protagonist Inner Journey: From a purposeless zombie to a powerful magician.
PILOT INFO
· Pilot Conflict: To close the portal he unintentionally opened to Everlasting Summer.
· Characters Introduced: Levi, Titania, Mark, Miguel.
· Inciting Incident of Season 1: Levi must become Mark’s pupil in order to lift Titania’s curse.
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Daniel Melin’s
What I learned doing this assignment is the value of sprucing everything up in such a way that still feels organic to the story. You want an image that invests the reader with intrigue, just as your show does, and that starts to excite the reader by filling their head with a few select images of what the show could become.
I wanted one picture that laid out the surface image of the show, which is a nighttime picture of a small city in Minnesota, like Athens, my setting is meant to be, but then quickly revert to beautiful paintings that reflect the magical underworld of Everlasting Summer. Each painting is also chosen to reverberate with the part of the Bible which immediately follows it. The world is introduced by a picture of the sleeping Titania, which introduces us to the strange setting. The Character Descriptions are preceded with a quarrel between Titania and Oberon, which sets the viewer thinking more of interpersonal relationships and the drama they will create, etc.
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Daniel Melin’s Edited TV Pitch Bible
What I learned doing this assignment is the value of staying focused. At this stage in the process, I find myself constantly wanting to tweak some direction of the story, some sequence of events, and I have to force myself to stay focused on keeping things oriented toward the marketing frame of mind from which the Pitch Bible is meant to be written.
Having now gone through the TV Pitch Bible editing process, I find that everything flows a lot better. I’ve had to cut a fair amount that was confusing or extra. Most meaningful, perhaps, was actually tweaking my main concept. Even at this late stage, the editing process forced me to rewrite it in such a way that makes my protagonist more proactive, when then sets me up for greater success when creating intrigue everywhere else in the show.
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Daniel Melin’s Episode Titles
What I learned doing this assignment is the value of shooting from the hip when generating answers. While I’ve been generally good at forcing myself to do the work, even if inspiration feels far off, I still tend to mull over my answers too much. I really forced myself this time around to come up with answers in under sixty seconds, and move on if nothing came to mind. I was pleasantly surprised by how the one title that I liked emerged from all the bad ones given enough time. It only takes one.
· Episode 1: No Matter What You Hear, Don’t Open the Door
· Episode 2: When the Student is Ready, Another Teacher Will Appear
· Episode 3: What’s Mine is Mine
· Episode 4: An Unlikely Education
· Episode 5: A Winter’s Tale
· Episode 6: Before the Altar
· Episode 7: Friends and Business
· Episode 8: Oberon’s Staff
· Episode 9: A Snowball’s Chance in Everlasting Summer
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Daniel Melin Presents Non-Stop Intrigue
What I learned doing this assignment is the value of partial information. It’s always a balancing act figuring out what to reveal and what to hold back. Learning to make even the reveals just another form of intrigue was challenging, but it’s gratifying to see how much of the work has already been done beforehand by loading everything with intrigue from the beginning and just continuing to improve what you have.
Mostly what I did was just make sure that the whole bible matches the changes that I made to the main characters and some of the main events that I changed for specific episodes. This exercise also made me make sure to actually polish up one of the more basic parts of the story, which was emphasizing the proactive nature of my hero, which then helps greatly with the set-ups that draw the reader into the story.
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Daniel Melin’s Intrigue Patterns
What I learned doing this assignment is how even the big picture components translate down to the more detail-oriented processes. Even when I look for specific sentences to punch up, my mind still goes to bigger picture concerns, like how the agendas of the various characters play out, how to best sequence the episodes, and how to readjust the arc of the overall seasons so the story in the first season is expressed fully.
Original line: She has taken Levi under her wing after he stumbled into her kingdom as a teenage boy, and has been fostering his magical education, but the two will soon be at odds.
A. Establish something shocking and point to the terrible things it could mean.
B. Strong statement; question about something underhanded beneath the surface.
Titania sternly advises Levi never to practice magic outside of Everlasting Summer. But with such incredible gifts, why would Titania not want Levi to share them as long as he exercises caution?
C. Question that points to hidden agendas, hidden identity, conspiracy, etc.
But why is Titania so set on keeping Everlasting Summer a secret? Why has she enchanted young boys into werewolves, and what is her secret vendetta against the deer that roams the woods outside Everlasting Summer?
D. Character 1 is convinced/worried/wondering that Character 2 has done_____.
Levi’s suspicions soon grow, wondering if the paradise that Titania has built isn’t held together by sinister magic.
E. But maybe it is all wrong.
But Levi’s new teacher, Mark, seems to have an axe of his own to grind, and his own vendetta to unseat Titania may not be as honestly motivated as it seems.
F. A pattern that leads to future consequences.
As Levi ignores Titania’s instructions, and performs more and more magic outside of Everlasting Summer, the boundaries between the two worlds begin to crumble, putting the sanity, and the lives, of Athens’ citizens in danger.
G. If he does ________, that means __intrigue__.
If Titania is so bent on secrecy, it may be because she is intent on claiming a new victim.
H. State the mystery.
We know that Titania is using dark magic to preserve Everlasting Summer, but why is she so bent on finally hunting down the deer that has now escaped into Athens?
I. Should be/could be ________, but is even worse.
Titania should be out of luck with Everlasting Summer now revealed to the world, but she only goes confidently towards Mark’s house.
J. Intense Language
Titania has doted on Levi and taught him many things, about magic, but her strictures not to perform any magic outside Everlasting Summer soon grow stifling.
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Daniel Melin’s TV Pitch Bible Investigation
What I learned doing this assignment is the value of always returning to elevate. I was tempted many times to really dwell on a lot, but realized that improvement is a continual process. This particular step seemed especially overwhelming since I realized there were so many new events and layers I could introduce to the show, such that I am now seriously reconsidering the arc of my five seasons. The initial arc I had planned for a single season, now may have to stretch out to two.
I increased the steps that the main antagonist takes against the hero, and significantly reworked the opening episodes to really establish both the main hero and the second main character. I also had to update my character descriptions, since I have switched the importance of two characters, one of whom was initially a main character, and another who was a supporting character. I also am starting to really think about some of the nastier and potentially more dramatic things that the main character can do as the conflict with the main antagonist heats up.
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Daniel Melin’s Show Summary
What I learned doing this assignment is the value of constantly keeping marketability in mind. It’s tempting to delve into the details that are fun to get lost in as a writer, but that hold little interest for potential producers. The more you get used to it, however, the more fun it becomes. Learning to make others excited to see your show, makes you more excited about it.
Engage Us in the Main Mystery.
Set up — Character’s normal
situation: Levi moves from one meaningless job to another, currently making
his living as a carpenter. <div>Twist/Hook: Then, someone in
his hometown is attacked by a werewolf.Real situation – Major Empathy
/ Distress: Levi has also been learning magic in secret from a fairy
queen, who, it turns out, was responsible for the werewolf attack.Twist/Hook: A stranger then
comes to town, who is also interested in magic, and he and Levi begin
investigating the deeper motivations of the fairy queen together.Impossible to solve conflict or
major mystery. The fairy queen’s wolves are actually young boys that she
has lured into her kingdom of Everlasting Summer to help her hunt down her
unfaithful lover, whom she has cursed to turn into a deer every full moon.Final Hook into the Series –
Extreme Dramatic Question Will Levi manage to stop the fairy queen’s
bloody vendetta and save the young men who are under her curse.Levi appears to be an aimless young man moving from one meaningless job to another, currently paying his bills as a carpenter. It turns out, however, that he is leading a second life, visiting the fairy kingdom of Everlasting Summer, ruled by the mythical Titania. While he is a nobody in the real world, in Everlasting Summer, he is the master of the hunt, leading Titania’s pack of wolves into the forest to hunt down a deer that keeps eluding them.
One night, someone is attacked in Levi’s hometown by what is assumed to be a wild dog. After being shot, however, the attacker turns out to be a young man who disappeared many years back, and seems not to have aged a day since his disappearance.
With the help of a mysterious stranger named Mark, Levi begins to look into the disappearances of other young men who have disappeared over the past several decades. Feigning his continued loyalty to the powerful fairy queen, Levi secretly delves deeper and deeper into Everlasting Summer’s dark secrets: why it is that Titania needs these young men to hunt down the deer that lives in the forest outside her fortress What—or who—is this deer, and why does she want it dead? As Levi penetrates deeper into the mystery, magic begins to take over his life, and the lives of his friends and family in increasingly surprising—and sometimes deadly—ways.
Will Levi increase his magical abilities enough to find the truth and potentially face Titania, or will he, perhaps fall under the same curse as the other young men and join her pack?
</div>
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Daniel Melin’s Episode Descriptions
What I learned doing this assignment is that breakthroughs come through at the least expected times. I had been thinking about how to make more effective use of my main characters and how to make my protagonist more active. As I wrote these descriptions, I realized that I had to give a lot of the capabilities and the experience I had assigned to one character to my protagonist, giving him a lot more history and force of will, so that he is a force to be reckoned with in the story.
Episode 1: A werewolf attacks someone in Levi’s hometown of Athens, Minnesota.
· When they go over to the dog’s body, they find that it is actually a teenage boy.
· Hook/Intrigue: A werewolf attacks!
· Main Character journey: Levi will have to admit that there are mysterious forces at work that he needs to defend himself from.
· Major Challenge/Conflict: Levi will need to get help in order to defend himself from what he thinks is a wild animal.
· Action/Reaction: The wolf attacks suddenly and Levi’s first reaction is to go to someone else for help.
· Cliffhanger: The body of a young boy has been found with the bullet from Miguel’s gun in him.
Levi is making his living as a bartender, but talks to a friend about coming to work for him as a construction worker. When Levi goes home, he hears someone being attacked in the parking lot, and sees that it is a wild dog. Levi runs in to grab his friend Miguel, who pulls a gun and shoots to scare the animal off. When the animal attacks, Miguel shoots the animal and it runs off. The next day, the police say they have found the body of a young boy, and the bullet matches Miguel’s gun.
Episode 2: Levi meets a newcomer at Clarence’s who has just moved into Eddie Halvorson’s old house.
· Hook/Intrigue: Levi meets a newcomer at Clarence’s.
· Main Character journey: Levi meets another person who has an interest in magic.
· Major Challenge/Conflict: Mark wants to know if Tom would be interested in pooling their resources.
· Action/Reaction: Mark asks Levi if he knows where the werewolf came from, and Levi lies, and says no.
· Cliffhanger: Levi goes to Everlasting Summer, and meets with Lizzie, with who he goes on a hunt with her pack of wolves.
Levi goes back to Clarence’s where a newcomer is smoking a cigar. The newcomer introduces himself as Mark, and Mark mentions that he has an interest in magic. Mark and Tom begin talking about the recent death, and Mark says he thinks that it was a werewolf. When Mark asks Tom if he has any idea where the werewolf might have come from, Levi says no. Later that night, Tom goes to Everlasting Summer, a fairy castle, through the mirror in his bedroom. There he greets Lizzie, the Queen of Everlasting Summer, and they go out on a hunt with a pack of wolves as hunting dogs.
Episode 3: Levi tells Mark about Lizzie and about his suspicions concerning Lizzie’s wolves. Levi sneaks into Everlasting Summer without Lizzie knowing.
· Hook/Intrigue: Levi now doesn’t trust Lizzie and gets advice from his new friend.
· Main Character journey: Levi has a crisis of conscience over his mentor’s values. After confiding in a new friend, he decides to start investigating his mentor’s home, looking for something that she may have hidden from him.
· Major Challenge/Conflict: He has to break into his mentor’s home, and see if he can find something without her knowing.
· Action/Reaction: The mentor that Levi thought he could trust seems to be meddling in something dark. Now he has to decide if his loyalties have been misplaced.
· Cliffhanger: Levi discovers a secret library in Everlasting Summer’s dungeons.
With Levi now thinking that his trust in his mentor, Lizzie, is misplaced, he goes to the only person he can trust on matters of magic for advice. Mark tells him to stick his courage to the post and break into Everlasting Summer to see what he can find about what Lizzie is up to. With Mark’s help, Levi makes a doorway into Everlasting Summer and sneaks into the dungeons where he finds a hidden library.
Episode 4: Levi learns that Lizzie and her husband took over Oberon and Titania’s fairy court years ago.
· Hook/Intrigue: Levi is about to learn the history of Lizzie and her husband.
· Main Character journey: Lizzie falls in love with a charismatic magician, and begins to learn magic herself, only to be betrayed by her lover.
· Major Challenge/Conflict: Lizzie tries to keep her husband loyal to her and have a child with him.
· Action/Reaction: When Lizzie loses her child, she decides to get revenge on him no matter what the cost.
· Cliffhanger: Lizzie takes over the court of Titania and Oberon.
Once inside Lizzie’s secret library, Levi learns the shocking history of how she came to rule Everlasting Summer. Lizzie was born 120 years ago in a small village in Southern England. She fell in love with a charismatic young man who was also a talented magician. Soon she began to learn magic too, but the young magician had a wandering eye and soon he left her. By that time, Lizzie had already conceived a child and had been disowned by her father, who was the reverend in their village. Lizzie searched all over for her lover, but was nowhere to be found. By the time her child was about to be born, she was wandering on a road in the dead of winter. The child was born in the middle of the storm, and was lost to the elements. Lizzie barely managed to survive herself, but swore revenge on her thoughtless lover. She studied magic obsessively until finally, she grew so powerful that she sought out the fairy king and queen: Oberon and Titania. She managed to overthrow the king and queen and set herself as the new ruler, naming their magical fortress Everlasting Summer as a permanent refuge against any heartbreak of the degree she had suffered on that desolate road where she had lost her newborn son.
Episode 5: Lizzie lures Miguel’s son Nick away to her pack so she can finally hunt down Mark. An enraged Miguel goes to Levi, who tells him what has happened.
· Hook/Intrigue: Lizzie has now gained a new member for her pack, Miguel’s son Nick.
· Main Character journey: Levi will now have to deal with the damage that his conflict with Lizzie has created for a friend of his.
· Major Challenge/Conflict: Levi has to justify himself to a friend, whose son is now in danger because of the conflict between himself, Lizzie and Louis.
· Action/Reaction: Miguel comes to Levi, furious, and on the verge of beating the hell out of him, and Levi has to defend himself and then tell Miguel the truth about the strange events that have led to Nick’s disappearance.
· Cliffhanger: Levi needs Miguel’s help if he is going to stop Lizzie.
Lizzie has now decided it’s time to flush her prey out, but she needs an addition to her pack. When she kidnaps Nick, the son of Levi’s friend and boss, Miguel, an enraged Miguel goes to Levi, thinking that Levi has convinced Nick to run off. Levi uses magic to defend himself against Miguel, and then tells him the truth about what has happened to Nick, but Miguel can scarcely believe what he is hearing.
Episode 6: Levi has to convince Miguel to help him rescue Nick and the other boys by confronting Lizzie. Miguel and Levi find Oberon’s staff hidden in Louis’s house.
Hook/Intrigue: Levi has to
convince his friend to help him fight Lizzie and rescue his son.
Main Character journey: Levi
goes with his friend to Louis’s house, to find what it is that they need
to finally confront their antagonist.
Major Challenge/Conflict: Levi
needs to convince Miguel to help him and find the talisman that will help
him confront Lizzie.
Action/Reaction: Now that
Miguel knows the truth about what happened to Nick, Levi has to convince
him to help him find a magical talisman.
Cliffhanger: Levi finds Mark’s
house ransacked and signs of claw marks from Lizzie’s wolfpack.After telling Miguel the truth about what happened to his son, he convinces him to help him confront Lizzie and get Nick back. Before they do so, however, they need to find Oberon’s staff, a powerful talisman that will help them in their fight. Levi goes back to Mark’s house to tell him what has happened and ask for his help finding the staff, but they find his house ransacked and claw marks everywhere.
Episode 7: Levi and Miguel interrogate Robby. They find out that Robby has been working for Lizzie to flush Louis out of hiding.
· Hook/Intrigue: Mark has gone missing from his house, and there are signs of wolves having rampaged through his house.
· Main Character journey: Levi is going to have to discover how it is that his new friend is involved with the greater open loop of the story.
· Major Challenge/Conflict: Levi has to get the truth out of Mark’s fairy familiar, Robby.
· Action/Reaction: Lizzie has taken advantage of Levi’s absence to attack Mark, and now Levi has to forcefully interrogate the only person who might know what has happened.
· Cliffhanger: Mark is actually Louis, Lizzie’s unfaithful lover; Lizzie has flushed him out, and is now hunting him down.
After Levi and Miguel find Mark’s house looted, they catch Robby, Mark’s fairy familiar rooting through Mark’s belongings. Levi uses magic to trap and interrogate him. Robby confesses that he was actually working for Lizzie the whole time. It turns out that Mark is actually Louis, Lizzie’s lover who abandoned her years ago, and against who she has been seeking revenge for so long.
Episode 8: Levi confronts Lizzie and ends her enchantment. Someone new in town buys the Halvorson house.
· Hook/Intrigue: Levi now has the staff of Oberon and is about to face Lizzie.
· Main Character journey: Levi has to take everything that he has learned and face Lizzie for the final time, putting an end to her vendetta.
· Major Challenge/Conflict: Levi has to find a way to put an end to the curse that Lizzie has placed on Louis and the boys who are helping her hunt him down.
· Action/Reaction: Lizzie has gathered her wolves together for the final hunt, and now Levi will have to step in and stop her.
· Cliffhanger: Someone new has bought the Halvorson house.
Levi and Miguel make their way to Everlasting Summer together and track down Lizzie’s hunting party. Levi uses Oberon’s staff to turn the wolves back into young men before they can kill Louis, who is back in the shape of a deer. Levi has Lizzie at his mercy, but realizes that he can’t kill her without continuing the cycle of vengeance that she has started, so he hands the staff over to her, and tells her that she has to be merciful. Lizzie frees Louis and the boys from their curse, which causes Everlasting Summer to evaporate. Weeks later, a stranger has arrived in town and has bought the Halvorson house.
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Daniel Melin’s Episode List Rough Draft
What I learned doing this assignment is how brutal it can be to grind it out. My feedback session brought up a lot of great suggestions, but implementing them has substantially changed the direction of my show and created a lot of inconsistencies that I will have to iron out as I go. This was the most grueling lesson to do, mostly because of that. Most lessons I was able to keep the perfectionist mindset at bay, but there were large segments of time where I just wanted to throw everything out. The best thing I can say about this rough draft is that it’s done.
Episode 1: A werewolf attacks someone in Levi’s hometown of Athens, Minnesota.
· Levi goes to Clarence’s Cigar Shop to sit and read a new book he bought.
· He goes outside to go to his car.
· He hears a struggle.
· He goes to grab Miguel, who shoots a wild dog savaging a fellow customer.
· When they go over to the dog’s body, they find that it is actually a teenage boy.
Episode 2: Levi meets a newcomer at Clarence’s who has just moved into Eddie Halvorson’s old house.
· Levi reads about the boy’s identity in the newspaper.
· Levi goes to Clarence’s and meets Mark
· Mark invites Levi to his house.
· Levi learns that Mark’s new house is where Eddie Halvorson used to live.
Episode 3: Mark shows Levi how to sneak into Everlasting Summer without Lizzie knowing.
· Mark tells Levi that he is a magician too and agrees to teach Levi on condition that he not use his library without permission.
· Mark tells Levi about Everlasting Summer, a magical kingdom that houses great danger.
· Mark shows Levi how to create a doorway into Everlasting Summer without Lizzie, Everlasting Summer’s Queen, knowing.
· Mark goes into Everlasting Summer.
Episode 4: Levi learns about the deer that Lizzie has been hunting and how it has escaped the forest.
· Inside Everlasting Summer, Levi blends in with the crowd of people dancing in the hall of Everlasting Summer.
· He sees Lizzie release a pack of wolves and joins the hunting party that follows them.
· He learns that Lizzie is hunting a deer.
Episode 5: Levi breaks into Mark’s library.
· Levi argues with Mark about using the library.
· Levi uses the same spell Mark taught him to sneak into Mark’s library.
· He skims the books and eventually finds one about the court of Oberon and Titania, which be begins to read.
Episode 6: Levi learns that Lizzie and her husband took over Oberon and Titania’s fairy court years ago.
· Levi reads the book and learns about a magician named Louis who, along with his wife, Elizabeth became powerful enough to take over the fairy court of Oberon and Titania, and then moved the court to America.
· Levi takes the book and leaves Mark’s library.
Episode 7: Levi learns that he actually discovered Everlasting Summer when he was thirteen and has been going there since.
· Levi starts interrogating one of the servants at Everlasting Summer about where Lizzie keeps her wolves.
· The servant tells Levi that he ought to know. He has been coming there for years.
· When Levi says he doesn’t understand, the servant says that Levi first came to Everlasting Summer when he was thirteen.
Episode 8: Levi interrogates Robby and finds out that he has been working for Lizzie.
· Levi returns to Mark’s house to find that he is missing and finds signs of wolves.
· Levi hunts down Mark’s fairy familiar, Robby, and asks him what happened.
· Robby tells Levi that Mark is an alias, and that Mark is actually Louis, Lizzie’s unfaithful husband.
· Robby tells Levi that he has been working for Lizzie, and he has delivered Mark back to her.
Episode 9: Levi uncovers the tragic origins of Lizzie’s quest for revenge.
· Robby continues his story telling how Lizzie became pregnant with her and Louis’s child.
· Lizzie is in their house alone, when she goes into labor.
· Louis is out, and Lizzie has to try and make it to the doctor herself, but soon gives birth in a winter storm, and her child dies of exposure.
· Robby tells Mark that one of Louis’s mistresses was Levi’s great-great-great grandmother, and that he is actually a descendant of Louis.
Episode 11: Lizzie lures Miguel’s son Nick away to her pack so she can finally hunt down Mark.
· Lizzie goes to the house of Levi’s boss, Miguel, and lures Miguel’s son, Nick to join her pack of wolves.
· An enraged Miguel confronts Levi, who tells him what has really happened.
· With Miguel’s help, Levi finds Oberon’s staff buried in the basement of Louis’s house.
Episode 12: Levi confronts Lizzie and ends her enchantment. Someone new in town buys the Halvorson house.
· Levi uses Oberon’s staff to turn Lizzie’s wolves back into young boys.
· He realizes that he can’t force Lizzie to do the right thing, but hands over the staff to her and begs her to let Louis go.
· Lizzie does so and Everlasting Summer crumbles.
· A few months later, a strange man buys the Halvorson house.
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Daniel Melin’s Five Seasons
What I learned doing this assignment is that inspiration is a wonderful thing, but so is discipline. I had an ambitious plan for three seasons of a show, and found myself coming up with some decent ideas for an additional two seasons just by forcing myself to think about them. They are, however, still very foggy and will require a lot of refining down the line.
1. Brainstorm to find the arc of the entire journey, from Season One to Five.
I imagine only three seasons up to this point: The Carpenter, The Realtor, and The Veteran/The Governor. I imagine a series arc similar to Le Guin’s Earthsea novels or The Wire, where there is a different protagonist and a bigger arena—or at least a different arena every season. If The Carpenter’s thematic focus is on the war between the sexes, then The Realtor, will focus on race relations. The Veteran, will then focus on the cost of war after a warrior returns home. I think that maybe there may be room for a different third season, which is more about what happens during war, while the fourth will focus on the aftereffects. Maybe my fifth season will then be about creating a functional state—maybe a state that is contemplating secession??? Because of how tense and divided the country is becoming? Maybe it’s even set in the future? So, the sequence would go Carpenter, Realtor, Soldier, Veteran, Governor. The Carpenter is set in the present day. Each subsequent story goes farther and farther into the future.
2. Brainstorm the Stair Step version.
Season 1: Trying to repair relationships between men
and women.
Season 2: Repairing Relationships between races
Season 3: Repairing Relationships between soldiers and
the people they try to help.
Season 4: Repairing relationships between soldiers and
their families when they come home.
Season 5: Repairing the relationship between a leader
and their followers.3. For each season, brainstorm the Building Blocks.
Season 1: The Carpenter
A. High Concept or major hook of the season: An aimless
young man starts to learn more about magic after a werewolf attach his
hometown.
B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: From purposeless coward to
powerful, courageous magician.
C. Main Conflict: Levi has to fight a powerful witch
named Titania who has placed Levi and many others under an enchantment.
D. Mystery/Open Loops: Why are there werewolves in
Athens, Minnesota? Who is Lizzie and how did she come to be in Everlasting
Summer?
E. Cliffhanger: There is a new danger from some even
more distant shore than Lizzie, who has come to Athens.Season 2: The Realtor
A. High Concept or major hook of the season: A
mysterious newcomer to Athens has been buying up premium real estate in
town, but seems up to no good, and may be connected to a string of murders
that have started.
B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: An idealistic young cop has
to solve the mystery and confront the dark side of his hometown.
C. Main Conflict: The cop has to find out what the
Realtor is up to and what his connection to the murders is.
D. Mystery/Open Loops: What is the motivation behind
the strange killings? Will the plucky young cop survive?
E. Cliffhanger: The cop’s younger brother decides to
leave Athens and join the military.Season 3: The Soldier
A. High Concept or major hook of the season: A soldier
is sent to control unrest in a small village in Iran, but finds the
village is at the mercy of a strange phantom.
B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: The soldier has to learn
more about the villagers and get them to trust him in order to help them.
C. Main Conflict: The soldier has to fight the evil
spirit that is terrorizing the village.
D. Mystery/Open Loops: What is the evil spirit and what
does it want?
E. Cliffhanger: The soldier has defeated the phantom,
but is scarred by his experience and returns home, unsure of what he will
find.Season 4: The Felon
A. High Concept or major hook of the season. A
childhood friend of the two brothers—the cop and the soldier—who was a
lackey of the main antagonist in the second season gets released from
prison, but starts terrorizing the brothers’ family with the aid of some
spirit.
B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: The brothers have to repair
their relationship and fight their common enemy, who was once their
friend.
C. Main Conflict: The two brothers need to fight their
old friend who is using dark magic to terrorize their family.
D. Mystery/Open Loops: How did their old friend stumble
on such potent magical powers? Will they reconcile enough to face their
common enemy?
E. Cliffhanger: Their whole state is considering
seceding from the United States!Season 5: The Governor
A. High Concept or major hook of the season: Several
powerful magical factions have emerged in Minnesota, who eventually decide
to secede from the rest of the United States and create their own
nation-state.
B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: The reluctant leader of
this movement and the newly appointed governor of Minnesota has to bring
all these competing factions under a unified banner and prove that he can
be the leader that the newly formed nation needs.
C. Main Conflict: The governor has to convince several
warring factions in his state to all work together.
D. Mystery/Open Loops: What are the agendas of the
competing factions and will he actually prove a strong enough leader to
unite them?
E. Cliffhanger: He has become the leader the nation
needs, but at no small cost to himself.4. Write a description of each season and give us the 5 seasons.
Season 1: The Carpenter
An aimless young man named Levi drifts from job to job until he finds himself paying his bills as a carpenter, working for a friend’s contracting company. He thinks his life will continue as a string of such unfulfilling jobs until a werewolf attacks someone in his small town in Minnesota. This sets him on a journey to learn magic that soon pits him against a powerful witch named Lizzie, who places him under an enchantment along with many others whom she has been turning into pawns in her vendetta against her unfaithful husband. Levi soon finds a mentor in another friend named Mark, who helps him penetrate the mysteries of Everlasting Summer, the magical kingdom Lizzie rules, but the duo find themselves at odds over how best to employ magic, and what its role in life is. Their adventures soon cause magic to manifest in surprising and dangerous ways in the lives of everyone around them, including Levi’s boss, Miguel whose affair with an old flame threatens to tear his family apart. Eventually, Levi will have to use everything that he has learned to not only free those whom Lizzie has enchanted, but to prove that magic can be used to give meaning to life and not just meaningless suffering.
Season 2: The Realtor
An idealistic young cop wants to help show that the police can actually be a force for law and order and not tyranny. He soon finds himself investigating a string of murders with ties to a pillar of the community who has bought up a huge fraction of the best real estate in the city. He has to risk career suicide in order to find the truth, but eventually, he discovers that he may in fact be a literal vampire, preying on the citizens of the city. He will eventually have to seek help from a man claiming to be a magician named Levi who he hopes will help him confront powers he had dismissed as paranoid fantasy.
Season 3: The Soldier
A soldier on a mission in Iran has to build a relationship with a remote village preyed upon by a terrorist cell pressing their young men into their ranks, and a vicious phantom that haunts the hills around the village. Eventually he has to stretch his notions of right and wrong in order to actually form relationships with the people in the village, and dispel the evil spirit that harasses them.
Season 4: The Felon
The cop from the third season, and the soldier from the fourth are brothers who have long been at odds. When the soldier returns home, he is traumatized by the events in Iran, and has shut himself away from his brother and the rest of his family. This isolation is soon shattered when a childhood friend of his and his brothers, who was a lackey of the antagonist in the third season is released from prison, now apparently possessing mysterious powers. The soldier will have to repair his relationship with his brother in order to face their common friend turned enemy who now threatens their family.
Season 5: The Governor
The newly elected governor of Minnesota finds himself presiding over a drastic turn of events when several powerful factions of the state emerge, all wielding powerful magic who urge the governor to secede from the United States, which fears and reviles magic. Soon the factions all begin turning on one another and the reluctant leader of this radical state of affairs must unite everyone and learn to understand the strange forces at work in his home.
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Daniel Melin’s Character Descriptions
What I learned doing this assignment is the value of grinding it out, even when it feels like you’re just producing garbage. I felt like I was only producing laughably bad character elements, but when I stuck with it, I found that I had a much hookier and interesting series of character descriptions at the end of the process. I know it will only continue to improve from here.
Who is the character? Role in
the show? Levi: Aspiring Magician. <div>Noteworthy traits: Purposeless,
cowardly, but compassionate.Intriguing history: His
timidity caused his sister to fall victim to one of his friends who
date-raped her. Lizzie, the ruler of Everlasting Summer, claims that Levi
has been coming to Everlasting Summer for a long time, but Levi has no
memory of it.Intrigue? Will Levi manage to
break the curse he is under? Will he and Mark reach common ground on how
to use magic, or will they break apart?Mystery? Why does Lizzie think
that Levi has been to Everlasting Summer before?How do they support or drive
the conflict with others? Levi’s attempts to learn magic wreak havoc in
his daily life. His attempts to pry into the mysteries of Everlasting
Summer place him in increasing jeopardy with Lizzie.Irony — Opposites or paradoxes
that exist with the character. He has always played it safe, but craves
adventure and danger.Opposing agendas/etc. that
naturally causes conflict with other characters: Levi wants to stop Lizzie
from continuing to use her young captives to hunt down Louis.Unpredictable? Levi grows
increasingly risk-prone as he learns more about magicIntriguing relationship with
one or more characters: Pretending to be a loyal acolyte of Lizzie,
conflicted friend and mentor relationships with Mark and Miguel.Start: A purposeless young many drifting aimlessly from job to job, looking for some deeper meaning in his life.
Middle: When a werewolf is discovered in his hometown, he begins to delve deeper into the world of magic, which leads him deeper into his own past, and his family’s past.
Ending: He gets in way over his head, and finds that he has made things worse rather than better by meddling in forces he doesn’t fully comprehend yet.
Edited Version:
Levi is adrift in his life, aimlessly wandering from job to job, hoping to find some deeper meaning to his life. When a werewolf attacks someone in his hometown, he starts learning about magic, and thinks that he has found the purpose he has lacked in his life.
Unfortunately, Levi’s forays into the world of magic drag up old family ghosts, strain his relationship with his boss, who is also a personal friend, and pit him against the mentor in magic he has found. Most dangerous of all, Levi finds himself under the curse of a powerful witch named Lizzie, who is turning young boys into werewolves in her vendetta against her unfaithful husband, whom she has transformed into a deer.
As Levi’s efforts to master magic grow more drastic, he has to find a way to lift the curse that has been placed on him while still preserving his relationships with his friends and family.
<div>
</div>Who is the character? Role in
the show? Mark, experienced magician.Noteworthy traits Cynical,
clever, driven.Intriguing history: He has been
learning magic for a long time. He flirted with it as a young man, then
grew more fascinated with it, but then grew obsessed with it after his
wife divorced him.Intrigue? Mystery? Will Mark
find Oberon’s staff? Will he get the acclaim he thinks he deserves? Why
did his wife divorce him? Did his wife divorce him because he became
obsessed with magic, or was it the other way around?How do they support or drive
the conflict with others? Mark can be very egotistical, and this causes
conflict in his relationship with Levi. He outright doesn’t like Miguel,
and takes every opportunity he can to insult him.Irony — Opposites or paradoxes
that exist with the character: drawn to the romanticism of magic, but in
many other respects is a very rational person.Opposing agendas/etc. that
naturally causes conflict with other characters: Wants Levi’s help, but
wants to keep his library of magical books a secret only for himself.Unpredictable? His ambitions
cause more and more problems with those around him, and there’s no telling
what he’ll do.Intriguing relationship with
one or more characters: Tense mentor/mentee relationship with Levi.</div><div>
Start: Mark is a widely read and accomplished magician who is hunting for powerful magical artifacts.
Middle: He finds out that a young friend of his, Levi, may have a connection to the staff of Oberon, and agrees to teach him so that he can have some additional help looking for something that would increase his reputation drastically.
Ending: He soon alienates his friend and pupil and finds himself farther away than he anticipated from reaching his goal.
Edited Version:
Mark has built up a store of magical knowledge, with which he plans to make himself a household name. He is looking for a magical artifact called the staff of Oberon. He soon finds out that a friend of his, Levi, may have stumbled by accident on Oberon and Titania’s fairy court, which has been taken over by a witch named Lizzie. Mark convinces Levi to learn all he can about Lizzie’s fairy court, which she has renamed Everlasting Summer, and see if he can learn anything about where Oberon’s staff might be.
As Mark and Levi learn more, their approaches to magic begin to split, and Mark soon breaks with his friend and pupil, finding himself soon having to rethink everything he thought he knew about magic in the process.
Who is the character? Role in
the show? Miguel. Ambitious contractor and career man. </div><div>Noteworthy traits Ambitious,
Aggressive, hardworking.Intriguing history: Did a stint
in prison for assault, rough childhood raised by a man who was not his
real father, and often physically abused by his mother.Intrigue? Mystery? How will
Miguel deal with deal with the magical occurrences that are breaking into
his life? Will his temper continue to get the better of him, or will he
overcome his demons?How do they support or drive
the conflict with others? Miguel constantly demands better performance
from Levi at work, which calls him to be focused on the task at hand, but
his imagination constantly drifts to what he’s been studying.Irony — Opposites or paradoxes
that exist with the character Has a soft tender side, but this is often
concealed by his ego and his short temper.Opposing agendas/etc. that
naturally causes conflict with other characters: He wants to make a lot of
money and retire early, and he wants everyone around him to work as hard
as he does.Unpredictable? His temper rears
its head at inopportune times, and he often self-sabotages by making
reckless decisions.Intriguing relationship with
one or more characters: He has a lot of history with his fiancé, Milly,
and owes her a lot, but he has a much more passionate relationship with
his lover, Leticia. He sees a lot of potential in Levi, but is angry
beyond words when he feels he doesn’t live up to that potential.Start: Miguel is an ambitious but troubled man with a successful contracting business.
Middle: He loses most of his employees because they didn’t tell him that they were illegals, and then takes on a friend to help him pick up the slack, which proves more difficult than he anticipated. He then makes a series of self-sabotaging decisions in his personal life, creating drama in his relationship with his fiancé and straining his relationship with his son.
Ending: The magical forces at work in the world, that he dismissed have now turned his life upside down, and seem about to tear his family apart.
Edited Version:
Miguel is the owner of a successful contracting company and a happy family with his fiancé, his son, and his fiance’s daughter. He runs into a bit of bad luck when he has to let go of his employees, who it turns out, were illegals.
He takes on his friend, Levi, as an employee to pick up the slack, but Levi’s growing interest in magic soon takes up so much of his attention that he creates as many problems for Miguel as he solves. Miguel then begins seeing an old flame of his without his fiance’s knowledge, which places a strain on his home life. Levi’s magical preoccupations soon start creating real havoc, and Miguel has to learn to appreciate a new and more mysterious side of life, which may hold the key to him confronting his demons and holding his family together.
</div>
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Daniel Melin’s Intriguing Concept and World
What I learned doing this assignment is The value of continually distilling one’s ideas into their punchiest and most efficient forms.
1. Present your Concept.
A. A purposeless carpenter learns magic…
B. …to lift the fairy curse he’s under…
C. …tapping into unknown reserves of strength and willpower…
D. …while navigating the magical underworld of his hometown.
2. Tell us the World of this show.
Unique
Sub-World: The city of Athens, Minnesota, and its magical underworld: Everlasting
Summer.
Previously
unexplored: An ostensibly ordinary city with unexplored magical
possibilities.
The
unknown: What is the strange world of Everlasting Summer? Why do the
boundaries between it and Athens seem to be crumbling?
The
unseen: Everlasting Summer’s enchanted citizens, the hidden depths of the
castle, and the depths beneath that that may even lead to hell itself.
Unheard
of Dangers: Werewolves, magical traps, and the things over which Lizzie
has no control.
Reason
to explore it: It is the only way that Tom can lift the curse Lizzie has
placed on him. -
Daniel Melin is ready for feedback.
What I learned during this assignment is the value of recontextualization and incremental progress. It’s the little improvements that I make that slowly aggregate over time that make the biggest difference. Sometimes it’s just letting something stew for a little extra time, but it’s often useful to see some earlier part of the process like Emotional Depth in the context of the larger picture that cause me to go back and tweak it.
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Daniel Melin’s Creating Irony!
What I learned doing this assignment is that we all know life is not simple. There are always twists that we don’t expect, and we want the stories we consume to reflect this. I also learned that you can’t just throw random opposites together and hope they click. You have to suss out where organic opposites are already hidden.
Assignment 1—Supernatural
Sam, the brother who wants nothing to do with the supernatural, is the one with supernatural abilities.
Dean, the brother who values his father’s mission above everything, disclosed his family secret to his former girlfriend.
The brothers’ father, who taught them all about hunting monsters, doesn’t want them hunting the monster that killed their mother with him.
Family, which is so valuable to all the Winchesters, makes them most vulnerable to the demon they’re hunting.
When the demon gets ahold of John, Sam is the one who places the mission of killing the demon over John’s safety, while Dean just wants to save their dad.
In the season finale, the demon possesses John, forcing the boys to choose between killing the demon and their father, or saving their father, and letting the demon escape.
Assignment 2—Athens, MN
Tom, who starts the as the most unassuming character in the story, soon finds his ambition and lust for knowledge and power growing exponentially as the story progresses.
Lizzie’s kingdom, Everlasting Summer is meant to be the ultimate paradise, but it slowly suffocates all life within its boundaries.
Lizzie was once a reverend’s daughter, but she soon grows fascinated with the dark arts, and everything her father forbade her from learning.
Lizzie’s love for her child, which was the cause of her lust for revenge has now caused her to harm the children of others.
Mark is drawn to magic, but wants to make it rational and accessible, rendering it completely un-magical in the process.
The only way for Tom to lift his curse and save the curse’s other victims is to penetrate deeper and deeper into Everlasting Summer, which is where his enemy is strongest.
Athens, Minnesota, the city where the story is set is named after an old and very magical city, but it seems, on the surface, as if it is the least magical place in the world.
Tom’s passion is for magic, but his livelihood is as a carpenter, where practicality is the most useful quality.
Miguel says that his open relationship with Milly is based on honesty, but he regularly keeps secrets from her about his other relationships.
Tom is very emotional and non-confrontational, but the two men he spends the most time with are very rational—Mark—and very aggressive—Miguel.
Miguel is very machismo in many respects, but because of his prison record, many of his business ventures rely on support from his fiancé.
When the time comes to confront Lizzie, Mark has to help save the son of Miguel, who he intensely dislikes.
Miguel does not believe in magic, but finds himself having to resort to it, when he realizes his son is under a magical curse.
Tom has played the innocent victim when it comes to his curse, but he eventually realizes that it was his fault he fell under the curse in the first place.
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Daniel Melin’s Plot and Character Layers
What I learned doing this assignment is how the creative processes become more important the further along in the writing process you go, and the importance of outlining before drafting. I started to get overwhelmed with going back over all my previous work, picking out all the relevant pieces, and then reorganizing them into a whole for this next assignment, but I found breaking it down into bite sized pieces kept me from looking at the whole process and losing my motivation. To even think of trying to just write a scene before getting these big-picture concerns nailed down now seems laughable to me.
Assignment 1—Supernatural
Plot Surface: Sam and Dean’s mother died under mysterious circumstances when they were young, and they haven’t learned anything more about what happened since.
Layer
1: Sam actually has dreams about the future and starts seeing visions of
their childhood home. <div>Layer
2: John is actually close by, knows the identity of his wife’s killer, and
doesn’t want his sons involved.Layer
3: A demon was responsible for Sam and Dean’s mother’s death.Character Surface: Sam is living his normal life at Stanford, and preparing for an interview at a prestigious law school.
Layer
1: John secretly went to keep an eye on Sam at Stanford. </div><div>Layer
2: Sam breaks with Dean and meets up with Meg who encourages him to go to
California.Layer
3: After Sam returns to help Dean, Meg reveals herself as an agent for
something that is after Sam and Dean.Layer
4: Dean told Cassie about his and the family secret identity.Assignment 2—Athens, MN
Plot Surface: Tom is living his unremarkable life in his unremarkable hometown of Athens Minnesota.
Layer
1: Tom learns that the wolf who attacked someone in his hometown was
actually a werewolf: a young boy named Eddie Halvorson who disappeared
many years ago. </div><div>Layer
2: Mark is living in the house where Eddie Halvorson used to live.Layer
3: Tom finds a secret library of magic books in Mark’s house, and uses it
without Mark’s knowledge.Layer
4: Lizzie is actually a witch from Southern England who took over a fairy
court 120 years ago.Layer
5: Lizzie has been turning young men into werewolves in order to hunt down
her unfaithful husband.Layer
6: Lizzie has lured Nick away to join her pack that she is about to set
after Louis.Character Surface: Tom is a directionless young man, going through the motions of life.
Layer
1: Tom and Mark conspire to learn more about Everlasting Summer behind
Lizzie’s back. </div>Layer
2: Miguel starts sleeping with an old one-night stand of his without
Milly’s knowledge.Layer
3: A friend of Tom’s date-raped his sister, Talia.Layer
4: The man who raised Miguel was not his biological father.Layer
5: Mark discovers that his fairy familiar, Robby, is actually working for Lizzie.Layer
6: Louis is actually Lizzie’s husband, and the stag that she has been
hunting.Layer
7: Lizzie’s infant son died of exposure when she went looking for Louis,
and she blames him for thisLayer
8: Tom actually went willingly with Lizzie to Everlasting Summer for the
first time when he was 13 and blocked his memory of it.-
This reply was modified 4 years ago by Daniel Melin.
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This reply was modified 4 years ago by
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Daniel Melin’s Supernatural and Athens, MN Big Picture Open Loops
What I learned during this assignment is the value, not just of solving the questions posed by the past, but the ones posed by the future, and the value in setting up both independently. When I first looked at the five star model, I wondered what the difference between mysteries and open loops was, and now I know.
Assignment 1—Supernatural
Will
Sam and Dean find their father? <div>Will
they catch the thing that killed their mother?<div>
Will
Sam continue hunting monsters or choose to return to normal life?Will
Sam repair his relationship with Dean and their father?Will
Sam and Dean survive their dangerous mission to kill what killed their
mother?Assignment 2—Athens, MN
Will
Tom and Mark lift Lizzie’s curse? </div>Will
Tom or Mark’s vision of magic prove superior?Will
Tom’s forays into magic actually make things better for him and his
friends or just make things worse?Will
Tom and Mark be able to help the other boys whom Lizzie has enchanted?Will
Miguel and Milly salvage their relationship?Will
Tom break away from his family and forge his own identity?Will
Tom, Mark, and Miguel survive the dangers of werewolves and magic curses?Will
Miguel manage to outrun his inner demons and control his anger?</div>
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Daniel Melin’s Supernatural and Athens, MN Mysteries
What I learned during this assignment is how intertwined the two mysteries often are, but how distinct they are from one another. They can be totally separate, but the shocking event, is usually just an overture of what’s still to come.
Assignment 1—Supernatural
I’ve cheated a little bit for this assignment, and actually watched two more episodes for this lesson, partly because the season is 22 episodes, which is much longer than many of the other example shows, and partly because the second episode I watched uncovered a little more of the Over Time Mystery than many of the previous ones.
1. Shocking Event Mystery
A.
Shocking Event: Dean shows up at Sam’s door for the first time in four
years and tells him that their dad has gone missing.
B.
Secret: Why has their dad gone missing and why won’t he reach out to them?
C.
Investigation: Sam and Dean use their father’s journal and talk to some of
his old friends, trying to figure out where he went.
Who:
John Winchester
What:
He went on a hunt and hasn’t been heard from since.
When:
A few weeks before Dean shows up.
How:
He was going on a hunt.
Part
Withheld:Where: Where did John disappear to?
Why: Why doesn’t he reach out to Sam and Dean?2. Over Time Mystery
A.
Cover up: Sam and Dean have no idea what killed their mother and Sam’s
girlfriend.
B.
Secret: Who or what killed Sam and Dean’s mother and Sam’s girlfriend.
C.
Reveals: Sam and Dean encounter their mother’s spirit in their old house,
and an old friend of their father’s tells them that what killed their
mother was powerful and evil.
What:
Killed Sam and Dean’s mother, and later, Sam’s girlfriend.
When:
The boys’ mother died when they were small kids, and Sam’s girlfriend dies
shortly after he reunites with his brother.
Where:
Mother: in their home in Kansas; girlfriend: at Sam’s apartment near
Stanford.
Part
Withheld:
Who:
An unknown supernatural entity.
Why:
Why is the evil targeting Sam and Dean’s family? Why has it been dormant
for so long?
How: How is it finding them?Assignment 2—Athens, MN
3. Create your Shocking Event Mystery and tell us the WWWWW and H, along with the part withheld.
A.
Shocking Event: A wolf attacks someone in Tom’s hometown, and Tom discovers
that it was actually a werewolf.
B.
Secret: Why is there a werewolf in Athens Minnesota?
C.
Investigation: Tom starts looking into whatever he can find on magic.
Who:
The wolf is actually a young boy named Eddie Halvorson, who disappeared
many years ago.
What:
He fell under the curse of Lizzie, a witch who took over a fairy court and
has been hiding away in it ever since.
When:
30 years ago.
Where:
At on old house, where Tom’s friend, Mark is now living.
Part
Withheld:Why: Eddie had an unhappy home with no father,
and so he fell victim to Lizzie’s tempting paradise.
How: Eddie agreed to stay in Everlasting Summer
and help hunt down the stag in the forest.4. Create the Over Time Mystery and tell us the WWWWW and H, along with the part withheld.
A.
Cover up: Tom is in a fairy castle that seems to be a perfect paradise.
B.
Secret: Everlasting Summer is actually held together by a curse that
affects anyone who goes there.
C.
Reveals: Tom learns more and more about the dark underbelly of Everlasting
Summer and about how Lizzie lures young boys there to join her pack.
Who:
Lizzie is a powerful witch.
Part
Withheld:What: She is out for revenge against he
husband, who has been turned into a stag.
When: Over 120 years ago.
Where: In a small village in Southern England.
Why: Lizzie’s husband abandoned her and their
newborn child, who died of exposure when she went looking for him.
How: She became a powerful witch and placed a
curse on him. -
Daniel Melin’s Supernatural and Athens, MN Empathy/Distress
What I learned during this assignment is the counterpoint between distress that is directly tied to a character’s actions and moral failings and distress that is beyond their control. Each complicates and plays off the other, creating a rich, multifaceted layer of sympathy vs. empathy. We feel bad for the characters when they suffer, but we also know that they could grow and deal with their problems in a more constructive way.
Assignment 1—Supernatural
Sam
A.
Undeserved misfortune: Death of mother and girlfriend.
B.
External Character conflictsIntentional: Sam fights various monsters and
spirits, that poke at his weaknesses in some way.
Unintentional: The people around Sam get caught
up in these battles.C.
Plot intruding on life: Sam’s desire to find his dad gets interrupted by
Dean’s insistence that they hunt monsters on their way, and John’s
attempts not to be found.
D.
Moral dilemmas: Sam has to often choose how much to reveal about the nature
of the danger facing various people he encounters, often facing putting
them in danger either way.
E.
Forced decisions they’d never make: When the spirit that killed his mother
comes back to kill his girlfriend, he goes back to the monster-hunting life
he wanted to escape from.Dean
A.
Undeserved misfortune: Death of mother
B.
External Character conflictsIntentional: Dean fights monsters, and often
fights with Sam on how best to fight those monsters.
Unintentional: His drive to hunt down monsters
at all costs, often puts other people and Sam in dangerous situations.C.
Plot intruding on life: Getting involved with one of the victims of a
spirit causes him to have doubts about his commitment to hunting monsters.
D.
Moral dilemmas: When Dean tries to solve the mystery of a spirit who
drowns people, he has to choose between dredging up painful memories for
the people beset by the spirit or leaving them vulnerable.
E.
Forced decisions they’d never make: Trying to solve the mystery of the
drowning spirit forces him to get close to a young boy who knows important
information about the spirit’s identity.Assignment 2—Athens, MN
Tom
A.
Undeserved misfortune: He had to move away from his hometown when he was
young and lost touch with the girl he was infatuated with.
B.
External Character conflictsIntentional: He pretends to be loyal to Lizzie,
but actually works behind her back, trying to lift the curse she has
placed on him and several other young men.
Unintentional: His fascination with magic,
causes him to upset the natural balance of life for the people around
him, opening old wounds and sowing confusion.C.
Plot intruding on life: Tom’s responsibilities at work constantly put a
strain on his attempts to learn more about magic and lift his curse.
D.
Moral dilemmas: The magic that Tom learns and that he needs to implement
to lift his curse, often involves wider consequences that he has to weigh.
He has to make decisions between his responsibilities at work and his goal
of lifting his curse. He has to choose between learning magic on his own
terms and betraying Mark’s confidence or staying within the boundaries
that Mark has set.
E.
Forced decisions they’d never make: When Tom learns about the werewolves
that have been set loose in Athens, he has to make a snap decision to use
his limited magical ability to fight them.Mark
A.
Undeserved misfortune: His mother cut him off and his wife divorced him.
B.
External Character conflictsIntentional: Mark fights Lizzie in order to
take advantage of the magical resources she possesses. He fights with Tom
over the rate of Tom’s education and what role magic ought to have.
Unintentional: Mark’s use of magic causes it to
infuse itself into not just his life, but Miguel’s life as well.C.
Plot intruding on life: Mark’s personal spats with Miguel soon begin to
intrude on his attempts to find Oberon’s staff.
D.
Moral dilemmas: Mark has to choose between using his magic to help Miguel,
whom he intensely dislikes, or deliberately leaving him to suffer from
extended consequences of Lizzie’s curse.
E.
Forced decisions they’d never make: When Mark learns that Nick has been
infected with the curse, he has to help Tom go into Everlasting Summer to
make things right.Miguel
A.
Undeserved misfortune: He was abused by his parents as a child.
B.
External Character conflictsIntentional: He fights with Milly about their
relationship, Nick about his performance at school, and with Tom about his
performance at work.
Unintentional: His relationship drama with
Milly deeply hurts Nick.C.
Plot intruding on life: The magic that Mark and Tom create wreaks havoc on
his work and on his home life.
D.
Moral dilemmas: Miguel has to choose between staying in a relationship
that has already been rocky or forming a new relationship that will break
apart his family.
E.
Forced decisions they’d never make: When his son falls prey to forces beyond
his comprehension, he has to join forces with Tom and Mark, who understand
them a lot better than he does. -
Daniel Melin’s Relationship Maps for Athens, MN
What I learned during this lesson is that relationships, like the characters themselves, have arcs that are forced, by circumstances and the characters on either end of them to change. The value of hidden information from one of the two characters builds beautifully off of the hidden agendas from one of the previous lessons.
Tom and Lizzie
Surface: Friends
Common Ground: Love of gentleness, warmth and beauty.
Conflict: Lizzie is so wrapped up in her vendetta that she is
transforming boys into monsters and Tom wants to stop her.History: Lizzie has provided a safe place for Tom when he
felt alone.Subtext: Tom is actually working against Lizzie, even though
he pretends to still be on her side.Relationship Arc: Friends to enemies
Tom and Louis
Surface: Father figure
Common Ground: Shared interest in idiosyncratic ways of thinking.
Conflict: Louis is responsible for starting Lizzie’s
vendetta, and Tom wants him to take responsibility.History: None. Louis has only just met Tom.
Subtext: Louis is actually Lizzie’s estranged husband, and
the stag that she is hunting.Relationship Arc: Trusted advisor to adversary
Tom and Talia
Surface: Sister
Common Ground: Love of silliness, theatrics, making each other
laugh.Conflict: The role of magic in life, Talia’s erratic love
life.History: Tom and Talia butted heads a lot as kids, but they
also have a lot of love for one another.Subtext: Tom is guilty about Talia being date-raped by a
friend of his.Relationship Arc: Disagreement to shared beliefs.
Mark and Robby
Surface: Servant.
Common Ground: They are both looking for Oberon’s staff.
Conflict: Robby is difficult to control and has his own ideas
about how to find Oberon’s staff.History: Robby has been Mark’s assistant for several years.
Subtext: Robby is actually working for Lizzie.
Relationship Arc: Master/servant to traitor who needs to be brought
to justice.Mark and Tom
Surface: Pupil
Common Ground: They both have a passion for magic.
Conflict: They have different ideas about how best to use
magic.History: None. Their relationship is new.
Subtext: Mark is hiding his full library from Tom.
Relationship Arc: Teacher/pupil to equals.
Mark and Miguel
Surface: Acquaintance.
Common Ground: They share a circle of friends and a love for
cigars.Conflict: Mark thinks Miguel is shady and Miguel thinks Mark
is a wimp.History: Miguel and Mark have butted heads on a few
occasions in the past.Subtext: Mark needs Miguel’s help because he’s looking for a
magical artifact.Relationship Arc: Enemies to friends.
Miguel and Tom
Surface: Employee
Common Ground: They both care about family.
Conflict: They have very different ideas about what family
means, and what it takes to make a family.History: They have only recently gotten to know each other.
Subtext: Tom is a beginning magician.
Relationship Arc: Employee to friend.
Miguel and Nick
Surface: Son
Common Ground: Both intelligent and inventive.
Conflict: Nick acts out at school and Miguel constantly has
to discipline him.History: Miguel separated from Nick’s mom when he was
little, and they have often butted heads.Subtext: Nick has been skipping school.
Relationship Arc: Meek son to openly defiant son.
Miguel and Milly
Surface: Fiance
Common Ground: They have built a business and a family together.
Conflict: They have an open relationship but disagree on how
often to bring someone else into the dynamic.History: They have been together for six years, and Milly
has supported Miguel as he started his business.Subtext: Miguel has been seeing someone else.
Relationship Arc: Couple to separated.
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Lesson 6.1 Supernatural– Sam
Sam and Dean
Surface: Brothers
Common Ground: Hunting monsters, death of their mother.
Conflict: Whether to continue hunting monsters or pursue a
normal life, whether to share their secret with other people.History: Grew up learning to hunt monsters together. Tension
because Sam went off to college while Dean stayed with their father.Subtext: Dean’s anger at Sam for going away.
Relationship Arc: Estranged to working together.
Sam and Becky
Surface: College friends.
Common Ground: Learning, having fun.
Conflict: Having to lie to her about Dean being a cop.
History: Studied at Stanford together.
Subtext: Sam has a secret identity, he isn’t sure he can
share with her.Relationship Arc: Not knowing who Sam is to learning about monsters
firsthand.Sam and John
Surface: Father and son.
Common Ground: Hunting monsters, death of Sam’s mother, John’s
wife.Conflict: Whether to hunt monsters or go to college.
History: Taught Sam how to hunt monsters.
Subtext: Mystery of John’s disappearance.
Relationship Arc: Estranged, to taking on the role John envisioned
for Sam??? -
Assignment 2: Athens, MN—Tom, Mark, and Miguel
What I learned during this assignment is the value in elaborating on the specifics of a characters weaknesses and their goals. Many other writing instructors stress these two aspects of character, but what takes these elements to the next level is attacking them from multiple angles giving your characters’ weaknesses as many opportunities as possible to sabotage them while pursuing their goals.
Tom:
A.
Situational: Hope: To lift his curse / Fear: Turning into a monster.
B.
Motivation: Want: To become a powerful magician / Need: Love, validation.
C.
Mask: Base Negative Emotion: Fear, worthless / Public Mask: Accommodating
boy next door.
D.
Weaknesses: Little practical trade skill, directionless.
E.
Triggers: Unfamiliar situations, rejection.
F.
Coping Mechanism: altering state: returning to Everlasting Summer.Mark:
A.
Situational: Hope: To acquire Oberon’s staff / Fear: Being shown up as a magician.
B.
Motivation: Want: To become the age’s preeminent magician. / Need: Control
C.
Mask: Base Negative Emotion: Insecurity, bitterness, anger / Public Mask:
Critic
D.
Weaknesses: Overly judgmental, makes fun of others.
E.
Triggers: Being disrespected or challenged.
F.
Coping Mechanism: analyzing, learning more.Miguel:
A.
Situational: Hope: To grow his business / Fear: Losing money
B.
Motivation: Want: To be successful / Need: Power
C.
Mask: Base Negative Emotion: Rage / Public Mask: Fighter
D.
Weaknesses: Short-tempered
E.
Triggers: Being challenged
F.
Coping Mechanism: Fighting back, working hard, violence. -
Assignment 1: Supernatural—Sam and Dean Winchester
Sam:
A.
Situational: Hope: To find the thing that killed his girlfriend and his
mother. / Fear: That he won’t be good enough to stop it.
B.
Motivation: Want: To hunt monsters / Need: To make up for his failure to
protect Jessica.
C.
Mask: Base Negative Emotion: Guilt / Public Mask: Caretaker
D.
Weaknesses: Ashamed of his family.
E.
Triggers: Bad dreams
F.
Coping Mechanism: Saving other people.Dean
A.
Situational: Hope: To find his father / Fear: Not being able to save
people from the evil in the world.
B.
Motivation: Want: to get laid / Need: Deeper connection with someone.
C.
Mask: Base Negative Emotion: Fear of loss / Public Mask: joker
D.
Weaknesses: cocky, impulsive.
E.
Triggers: Being made to feel powerless.
F.
Coping Mechanism: lashing out, stampeding over other people. -
Assignment 2: Athens, MN—Tom, Mark, and Miguel
What I learned doing this assignment is the value of treating your characters like suspects, who are hiding things, not just from each other in the context of the story, but who are hiding things from me as the writer in the context of the story being written.
Tom
Role:
Tom is the directionless dreamer. He moves from job to job, looking for purpose, but doesn’t find it until he realizes that he is under a fairy curse, and begins to learn magic.
Hidden
agendas: Tom knows that Mark has access to more magical knowledge than he
lets on, and pretends to go along with Mark’s rules, but plans to get
access to his books without Mark’s knowing. He wants to find out how to
circumvent Lizzie’s curse, but pretends to want only what she wants.
Competition:
Tom competes with Mark for the best way to perform magic.
Conspiracies:
Tom conspires with Mark to learn more about what is going on inside
Everlasting Summer.
Secrets:
A few years before the story starts, Tom introduced his sister to a friend
of his, who date-raped her.
Deception:
Tom deceives Lizzie, and makes her think he is on her side, all while
plotting to uncover the mysteries in her kingdom.
Wound:
Tom is still guilty about how he failed to see the danger in his friend and
protect his sister.
Secret
Identity: Tom is a magician.Mark
Role:
Mark is a more experienced, self-taught magician, who has new ideas for
magic’s purpose in the world.
Hidden
agendas: Mark wants to become the pre-eminent magician of the age, and
wants to hoard as much knowledge for himself as possible.
Competition:
He competes with Tom on the best way to perform magic.
Conspiracies:
He conspires with Robby to hide information from Tom on magic.
Secrets:
Mark has a secret library full of dangerous books of magic.
Deception:
He keeps Tom in the dark about the location of his library and his use of
a fairy familiar who assists him.
Wound:
Mark’s wife cheated on him and divorced him.
Secret
Identity: Mark is a magician.Miguel
Role:
Miguel is a very successful contractor who is very skeptical of magic’s
existence, let alone usefulness.
Hidden
agendas: Miguel wants to sleep with an old flame of his.
Competition:
He competes Tom on the best way to be in a relationship and have a family.
Conspiracies:
He conspires with his lover to keep their relationship secret from his fiancé.
Secrets:
He is sleeping with an old one-night stand.
Deception:
He lies to his fiancé about his love life.
Wound:
He found out when he was young that the man who raised him was not his real
father.
Secret
Identity: philanderer -
Assignment 1: Supernatural—Sam and Dean Winchester
Sam
Role:
The straight-laced younger brother who wants to find the thing that killed
his mother and his girlfriend, so that he can get closure and move on to a
normal life
Hidden
agendas: Sam has a hidden agenda in whatever town he visits to uncover
supernatural occurrences and kill the monsters responsible.
Competition:
He is in constant competition with his brother, Dean for the best move
going forward: Whether to keep looking for their dad, or to hunt monsters
on their way. He also tries to get away from his brother and his dad and
leave the family business behind.
Conspiracies:
With Dean to pose as marshals or wildlife rangers in order to uncovers
various mysteries.
Secrets:
He and his brother are not the ordinary citizens they pretend to be.
Deception:
Sam poses as various authority figures throughout the episodes in order to
get information from the locals on various supernatural occurrences.
Wound:
He watched his mother die in a mysterious supernatural event when he was
an infant.
Secret
Identity: Monster-hunterDean
Role:
The wise-cracking, devil-may-care older brother with the drive to hunt
down any monster in his path.
Hidden
agendas: Dean has an ever-present agenda to kill monsters, which he has to
hide from most or all the people he interacts with.
Competition:
Dean competes with his younger brother Sam, trying to prove himself as the
son who stuck by their father when Sam left them in the lurch to go to college.
Conspiracies:
With Sam to hoodwink local authorities so that they can solve the
mysteries they are either ignorant of or trying to keep hidden.
Secrets:
He and his brother are not the ordinary citizens they pretend to be.
Deception:
Dean poses as other people, including authority figures to gain the trust
of locals in the towns he visits.
Wound:
He watched his mother die when he was a child.
Secret
Identity: Monster-hunter -
Assignment 2
What I learned doing this assignment is the importance of differentiating the characters from one another in such a way that they play off of and conflict with one another. The part that stands out most is the need for expertise when it comes to making them an active force in the story. If they don’t have some skill of a kind, they can’t take action, even if the skill is a comparatively modest one.
Journey: A directionless young man in a Midwestern suburb discovers magic and frees himself from the fairy curse he has been under.
Characters that Sell this Show: Tom, Mark and Miguel.
A. Role in the Show:
Tom: Tom is making his way from job to job without any purpose until he finds out that he is under a fairy curse and begins to learn magic.
Mark: Mark is a more experienced, self-taught magician, who has new ideas for magic’s purpose in the world.
Miguel: Miguel is a very successful contractor who is very skeptical of magic’s existence, let alone usefulness.
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:
Tom: Purpose: Tom’s purpose is to figure out how to lift the fairy curse that he is under.
Expertise: Tom knows the more romantic side of magic, driven by strong emotions.
Mark: Purpose: To bring magic into the modern world.
Expertise: Mark’s expertise is in the potential practical use for magic. He has whittled away everything that is unnecessary or anachronistic about magic.
Miguel: Purpose: To make enough money so that he can retire early and send his sons to a good college.
Expertise: Miguel knows just about everything there is to know about architecture and contracting. If you tell him what you want to build, he can build it.
C. Intrigue: What is the secret beneath the surface?
Tom: Tom’s happy family has some very unhappy secrets, and his history with the sorceress who has placed him under the curse goes back farther than he seems willing to admit.
Mark: Mark is hiding a lot of his magical knowledge from Tom, so he claims, because he doesn’t think Tom is ready to learn it.
Miguel: Miguel is hiding some infidelities from his fiancé.
D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?
Tom: As Tom grows more and more desperate, he starts alienating his family and then his friends, using magic to upset the normal rhythm of life.
Mark: Mark thinks that he has the right answer about how to use magic and he cuts out everyone he doesn’t think can adapt to his way of viewing things.
Miguel: Miguel is very successful and holds everyone to a high standard. He doesn’t think the least of verbally and often physically abusing anyone who gets in his way.
E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?
Tom: As Tom delves deeper into the mysteries of magic, he grows more willing to engage in riskier behaviors to get himself out of his predicament.
Mark: Mark is conflicted about the nature of magic, and it isn’t clear if he will adhere to his more practical code, or if he will embrace the more mysterious and unpredictable side of magic.
Miguel: As Miguel’s goals get farther and farther away, it’s not clear whether he will backslide into his more confrontational and violent method of being or whether he will learn to let go of his anger.
F. Empathetic: Why do we care?
Tom: Tom is a very loving person who wants to help his family and friends. His fairy curse also seems to have descended on him out of his control.
Mark: Mark’s wife divorced him and he is clearly in a lot of pain about it.
Miguel: Miguel experienced some abuse when he was younger and he has not fully come to terms with it.
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Assignment 1
Dean and Sam in Supernatural
A. Role in
the show:Dean: The wise-cracking, devil-may-care older brother with the drive to hunt down any monster in his path.
Sam: The straight-laced younger brother who wants to find the thing that killed his mother and his girlfriend, so that he can get closure and move on to a normal life.
B. Unique
Purpose / Expertise:Dean: To take on his dad’s mission to help protect other people from the evil in the world.
Sam: To lay his family’s demons to rest so that he can live a happy life.
C. Intrigue:
What is secret beneath the surface?Dean: The pain of his mother’s horrible death that has caused him to shy away from any kind of real connection.
Sam: The potential drive to delve deeper into the dark side of himself and the world he wishes didn’t exist.
D. Moral
Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?Dean: Dean constantly steps on other people’s boundaries in his crusade to hunt monsters.
Sam: Sam constantly undercuts his brother and dad’s mission, because he thinks it just leads to more madness.
E. Unpredictable:
What will they do next?Dean: Dean clearly has the desire to move past his dark family past, but it isn’t clear that he will achieve it.
Sam: Sam seems to develop more and more of a taste for the monster-hunting life he thought he left behind, which causes him to take on increasing dangers.
F.
Empathetic: Why do we care?Dean: Dean feels betrayed by his younger brother, who left him and his dad to take on the burden of protecting people from the things they convince themselves don’t exist after their mother died.
Sam: Sam has lost not only his and Dean’s mother, but his girlfriend as well, who was his main tie to a normal life without monsters.
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Assignment 2: Three Circles of Characters for my novel, Athens, MN
What I learned during this assignment is that it’s very useful prioritizing your characters in this way. Don’t spread the focus of the audience too thinly, wanting to give every character their moment to shine. Always make sure to keep their role in the greater story in mind. Not everyone needs to have the same amount of dimension and care.
A. Main Circle: Tom, a directionless young man in his 20’s, who discovers he is under a fairy curse when his grandfather dies, and decides to learn magic in order to escape; Mark, a jaded and cynical man in his late 40’s, who has become a very experienced magician on his own, and becomes Tom’s friend and mentor; Miguel, once an architect, but served prison time after getting into a barfight and now makes his living as a contractor and gives Tom a job as a day-laborer; Lizzie, a witch who has unnaturally preserved her life through magic and now rules a fairy court called Everlasting Summer.
B. Connected Circle: Tom’s parents, Nathaniel and Catherine, a loving, but overprotective couple, who try to stay close with their four, now grown children; Tom’s sisters: Talia, the adventurous one; Cathy, the sensitive one; and Lily, the silly one; Charles, Tom’s grandfather who apparently dies, but who keeps sending his grandson messages from beyond the grave; Louis, an older man, and ex-pat from England, who knows a great deal about the history of magic; Robby, a mischievous employee of Miguel’s with several side-scams going to collect extra cash.
C. Environment Circle: The crew of regulars at Connecticut Yankee’s, a cigar lounge that the main characters frequent; the homeowners that Miguel and his employees work for in the Twin Cities metro area, where the story is set; Miguel’s other subcontractors, the servants in Everlasting Summer, Lizzie’s enchanted castle.
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Assignment 1: Three Circles of Characters in Supernatural
A. Main Character Circle: The two, monster-hunting brothers, Sam and Dean
B. Connected Circle: The show splits its time between the season-long plot arc of Sam and Dean looking for their father, and the monster-of-the-week plots for each episode. Episode two’s connected circle all seem to be only for the latter plot: Tommy, a camper kidnapped by a wendigo in the woods; Tommy’s sister, Hailey, who goes with Dean and Sam to rescue him; Tommy and Hailey’s brother, Ben; and Roy, a local hunter Hailey hires to lead them through the woods.
C. Environment Circle: Tommy’s friends, Brad and Gary, who get killed by the wendigo; Ranger Wilkinson, a park ranger who tells Dean and Sam about the campers in the park; and Mr. Shaw, the only survivor from a wendigo attack years before.
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For my show, I chose Supernatural. I knew about this show for a long time, but didn’t want to watch it because it seemed like it was just a dumping ground for everything that was wrong with network fantasy TV: conventionally pretty people caught up in a combination of overwrought magic and soapy interpersonal drama that leads nowhere, just so people will keep tuning in for a satisfying conclusion that never comes. Despite these misgivings, it is in the fantasy genre, which is the genre I want to write in. The pilot was a pleasant surprise. Though it isn’t in the same class as many other dramas, fantasy or otherwise, the supernatural elements were familiar, but still fresh. The interpersonal drama, while also treading tried and true patterns, was still solid and relatable.
What I learned doing this assignment is it pays to bring in your really big open loop in the opening scene, while also establishing the show’s premise. Though the show does have cool effects and a sensationalist premise, there’s still some solid drama that interweaves through everything and makes it relatable.
1. Big Picture Hooks
Two brothers have grown up learning how to hunt monsters, and are trying to solve the mystery of their mother’s death.
2. Amazing and Intriguing Character
They have a tragic past that involved something mysterious and supernatural. They have learned how to hunt monsters since they were kids. The younger brother, Sam, wants to live a normal life, but his brother wants him to continue with the family business.
3. Empathy / Distress
We see the two main characters have a loving family, and then we see something myserious and awful happen to the hero’s mother. Sam has a good life at college and a promising career in law ahead of him, but his brother drags him back into the family drama.
4. Layer / Open Loops
What happened to Dean and Sam’s mother and what killed her? Will Sam decide to go back to his normal life, or will he take up hunting again? What happened to their father? What was their life like growing up? Why did Dean and Sam’s father leave Jericho?
5. Inviting Obsession
What kinds up supernatural events are actually real in the world of the show, and will the two brothers repair their relationship with each other and with their father? Will they find the thing that killed their mother and Jess?
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Daniel “Lance” Melin
I agree to the terms of this release form.
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the Binge Worthy TV class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, teaching a class, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the Binge Worthy TV available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. The easiest solution if you have similar ideas is to either not look at each other’s work or to agree to take your shows in different directions.
If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the Binge Worthy TV class.
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Daniel “Lance” Melin
I agree to the terms of this release form.
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Hey everyone,
My name’s Lance.
I have written about half a dozen short stories and maybe 5 aborted drafts of a novel. I have come to this class to turn my most recent draft into either a saleable novel, or a potential bingeworthy series. I was warned early on that Game of Thrones was going nowhere, but still love analyzing that show, since it has many great lessons for what to do and what not to do as a writer, which I hope to apply more in depth here.
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Hey Barbara,
Love your show concept.
I would be more specific about what Jess’s career ambitions were (get promoted, move to a more well-known precinct, transfer from one department to another…) and how they were thwarted (Did she fail to solve an important case, get sabotaged by a coworker or superior…).
Don’t repeat the exact same phrase for the opening of the concept and the summary. Maybe say what Jess’s ambition was in the concept, and then elaborate with how the ambition was sabotaged when you get to the summary.
Run-on sentence in the first section of your summary, and some other wordy/confusing sections. Try something like this instead:
Jess Pearson is a Big City detective whose plans for a promotion are sabotaged by her corrupt captain. Disillusioned, she returns to Green Lake, the small vacation town where her family used to spend their summers… until her brother Adam mysteriously disappeared.
When she arrives, the local sheriff, Linda Moore, approaches her about a case, but Jess still harbors ill feelings towards Moore, who unsuccessfully investigated Jess’s brother’s disappearance.
Linda asks for Jess’s help investigating the gruesome double murder of a young married couple and the disappearance of their friend. Despite the bad blood between them, Jess accepts. As Jess starts to investigate, shocking similarities emerge between the new disappearance and that of Jess’s brother many years ago, dredging up old demons.
Matters grow more complicated when the prime suspect, Nick Beresford, turns out to be dating Jess’s ex-girlfriend– who still hasn’t forgiven Jess for leaving her, and obstructs Jess’s investigation to keep her from ruining her bid for a seat in the Senate.
As Jess continues to investigate, she uncovers an elaborate web of corruption that connects the Sheriff’s Department to local businesses, politicians, and organized crime.
Jess is left wondering how much she’ll risk to solve both cases, and bring her brother, Adam, back home.