Forum Replies Created

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    September 28, 2023 at 6:52 am in reply to: Confidentiality Agreement

    Daniel Turner

    I agree to the terms of this release form

    As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

    1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

    2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

    I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

    3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

    4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

    5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

    6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

    This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

    0

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    March 22, 2023 at 8:21 pm in reply to: Day 3 Assignments

    Daniel Turner’s Beat Sheet – Draft 1

    VISION: to become a produced, well regarded, and in demand writer.

    Thriller

    ACT 1: Entering the Detective’s World

    PJ 1: The Detective is called to the scene of a very strange ritualized killing.

    INCITING INCIDENT: He gets to the crime scene and the murder is truly something most have never seen.

    PJ 2: The Patrolman on duty at the scene asks the Detective if the rumors are true, if there have been more of these killings? He tells the Patrolman the truth, that there have been, and asks him to do him a favor and keep it to himself.

    DEEPER LAYER: Something is going on that the Detective is trying to keep under wraps.

    PJ 3: The Detective assaults a perp who got off on a technicality and tried rubbing that fact in the Detective’s face.

    Turning Point 1: Because of the assault, The Detective is ordered to go see the CopDoc, the Police Psychologist.

    AJ 1: The Detective has his first meeting with the CopDoc.

    PJ 4: The Detective is persuaded by an informant that people on the street are being snatched up, and nobody is doing anything about it.

    DEEPER LAYER: There is more going on than just the serial murders.

    ACT 2: The Detective starts looking into where all the criminals have disappeared to.

    AJ 2: in the second meeting the CopDoc is feeling out the Detective, about his feelings and leanings about certain things. He is digging to find out how he ticks. He’s recruiting him for something. He invites the Detective to an off site group that gathers.

    PJ 5: The Detective goes to the house where the group meeting is and ends up just staking it out, noticing all of the cops that attend. One of the cops spots him and inquires. He says he is not sure if he is ready to do the group thing yet.

    DEEPER REVEAL: There are many cops that are being the Doc, the group is full.

    PJ 6: He goes to see Coopernicus, the old wise one of the street. He gets the lowdown on what is going on, and that the people who are doing the snatching of folks are professionals.

    AJ 3: at the next session, the Doc asks why he didn’t just join in the group and see what’s up since he went all of the way there. And invites him again.

    PJ 7: The Detective goes to the group meeting, there is nothing out of sorts or wrong, but something sets off his Spidey-sense, and he starts to shadow a couple of the attendees.

    DEEPER REVEAL: There are also a lot of cops who are frustrated about how their hands are tied trying todo their job.

    PJ 8: His Spidey-sense was correct and they lead him to a snatch, a murder and a secret meeting, led by the CopDoc.

    AJ 4: at the next session, the Doc and the Detective play cat and mouse about who knows what about whom.

    PJ 9: The Detective is ambushed and shot.

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    March 20, 2023 at 7:58 pm in reply to: Day 2 Assignments

    Daniel Turner’s Deeper Layer

    VISION: to become a produced, well regarded, and in demand writer.

    What I learned doing this assignment is a much easier way to get some depth and stronger themes into the story.

    Surface Layer: Detective is trying to solve a case of a series of ritualistic murders.

    Deeper Layer: The murders and the disappearances are connected.

    Major Reveal: The murders and the disappearances are being carried out by a secret sect of policeman, to cleanse the city.

    Influences Surface Story: A few of the victims have been call girls. So he believes that his girlfriend could be in danger.

    Hints: All of the victims have been people suspected of being on the wrong side of the law.

    Changes Reality: finding out that he is trying to gather enough evidence to prove and prosecute cops puts another level of difficulty and danger on the situation.

    Protagonist

    Beginning:

    Inciting Incident: Crime scene with bled out call-girl.

    Turning Point 1: He finds out that criminals in the city are disappearing.

    Act 2: He begins to investigate why so many criminals have seemed to have disappeared.

    Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: He finds out that the criminals are being snatched up by a secret group of cops.

    Act 3: He discovers that the same group of cops doing the snatching are also behind the ritualistic murders.

    Turning Point 3: They realize that he is getting close to finding out all about them and attempt to kill the Detective.

    Act 4 Climax: After he gets out of the hospital, he gathers enough evidence to have charges brought against the group.

    Resolution: While in custody, the leader of the group escapes. He is let out and the paperwork that released him looks official.

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    March 20, 2023 at 5:51 am in reply to: Day 1 Assignments

    Daniel Turner’s Character Structure

    VISION: to become a produced, well regarded, and in demand writer.

    What I learned from doing this assignment is a much simpler and more foolproof way to assemble structure.

    Protagonist

    Beginning:

    Inciting Incident: Crime scene with bled out call-girl.

    Turning Point 1: He finds out that criminals in the city are disappearing.

    Act 2: He begins to investigate why so many criminals have seemed to have disappeared.

    Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: He finds out that the criminals are being snatched up by a secret group of cops.

    Act 3: He discovers that the same group of cops doing the snatching are also behind the ritualistic murders.

    Turning Point 3: They realize that he is getting close to finding out all about them and attempt to kill the Detective.

    Act 4 Climax: After he gets out of the hospital, he gathers enough evidence to have charges brought against the group.

    Resolution: While in custody, the leader of the group escapes. He is let out and the paperwork that released him looks official.

    Antagonist

    Beginning: He was a Patrolman, he was getting fed up with the bureaucratic injustice that was epidemic.

    Inciting Incident: After visiting the CopDoc, he comes up with the idea of creating a secret group who can do what needs to be done without all of the road blocks and red tape.

    Turning Point 1: he becomes a psychologist and works and becomes a CopDoc.

    Act 2: He was right and begins to recruit and create a secret police group that can clean up the city without restraint.

    Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: The group is very successful in their mission, but a Detective is investigating, he doesn’t yet know about them though.

    Act 3: The Detective is getting close to finding out about them.

    Turning Point 3: They attempt to kill the Detective before he finds out everything.

    Act 4 Climax: He does find out and exposes the group. The CopDoc is brought into custody.

    Resolution: The CopDoc uses his pull and loyalty from others and is allowed to escape.

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    March 18, 2023 at 6:41 pm in reply to: Day 8 Assignments

    Daniel Turner’s Supporting Characters

    VISION: to become a produced, well regarded, and in demand writer.

    What I learned from doing this assignment is to be strategic about the supporting characters and not just put them there randomly, they need to be there for a reason.

    Support 1:

    Name: Mary Maggie Lynn

    Role: Colvile’s girlfriend and potential victim.

    Main Purpose: Gives Colvile someone to care about.

    Value: Gives the audience someone to worry about and engage them in the story.

    Support 2:

    Name: Captain Vernon Wells

    Role: Police Captain/Colvile’s boss

    Main Purpose: he directs the investigation, is a sounding board for Colvile.

    Value: He helps to solidify the world that Colvile is in, makes it feel real.

    Support 3:

    Name: Detective Tony James

    Role: Detective/Colvile’s new partner

    Main Purpose: To make the story world feel real.

    Value: The audience gets to discover the story world as Colvile introduces that world to his new partner.

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    March 18, 2023 at 6:36 am in reply to: Day 7 Assignments

    Daniel Turner’s Character Profiles 2

    VISION: to become a produced, well regarded, and in demand writer.

    What I learned doing this assignment is how to create a dimensional character.

    Protagonist: Colvile Franklin

    High Concept: A preacher turned police detective, while investigating a series of murders uncovers a secret sect sacrificing sinners.

    Journey: He goes from a man of the cloth to a man with a gold shield all in an attempt to try and realize the goals of his faith.

    Actor Attractors: A truly unique character. He is a preacher turned detective who has kept his habits and demeanor of when he was a preacher. He was a successful preacher which means he is charismatic, a great storyteller and great with people.

    Character Subtext: Seducing

    Character Intrigue: Competition

    Flaw: Faith in belief before belief in evidence

    Values: Duty womankind and God

    Character Dilemma: Talked himself into being someone he doesn’t believe in.

    Dr. Roland Young

    Role in story: Antagonist

    Age range and Description: Early 40’s, he is bookish but sly and cunning. Wicked smart and very observant, not much gets past him.

    Character Subtext: Hiding Something

    Character Intrigue: Secrets/ Hidden agendas

    Flaw: Has to hide and distort real beliefs

    Values: Loyalty

    Character Dilemma: If they could just see what I see they would understand.

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    March 18, 2023 at 1:10 am in reply to: Day 6 Assignments

    Daniel Turner’s Character Profiles Part 1

    VISION: to become a produced, well regarded, and in demand writer.

    What I learned doing this assignment is how to create a dimensional character.

    Protagonist: Colvile Franklin

    High Concept: A preacher turned police detective, while investigating a series of murders uncovers a secret sect sacrificing sinners.

    Journey: He goes from a man of the cloth to a man with a gold shield all in an attempt to try and realize the goals of his faith.

    Actor Attractors: A truly unique character. He is a preacher turned detective who has kept his habits and demeanor of when he was a preacher. He was a successful preacher which means he is charismatic, a great storyteller and great with people.

    Role in Story: Protagonist

    Age range and Description: Mid 30’s, good looking man, well spoken and clearly intelligent, a preacher.

    Core Traits: Engaging, warm, tough and decisive.

    Motivation, Want: To be known as the best detective in the department

    Need: To have his faith renewed

    Wound: His faith has been broken and his beliefs are fading, feel misguided.

    Likability: endlessly caring.

    Relatability: He has an engaging and involving workplace.

    Empathy: His job is clearly very dangerous, he gets shot.

    Dr. Roland Young

    Role in story: Antagonist

    Age range and Description: Early 40’s, he is bookish but sly and cunning. Wicked smart and very observant, not much gets past him.

    Core Traits: Calculating, insightful, covers his scheming nature.

    Motivation, Want: To make the world to an idea, his idea, of a better place.

    Need: To leave his mark on this world.

    Wound: He grew up poor and lived in the downside of the city. He has been trying to wash the stench of his upbringing off.

    Likability: Charming and listens like he cares.

    Relatability: His job is over scrutinized and under appreciated.

    Empathy: Most of his patients have no desire to be there.

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    March 17, 2023 at 7:59 pm in reply to: Day 5 Assignments

    Daniel Turner’s Likability/Relatability/ Empathy

    VISION: to become a produced and well regarded and in demand writer.

    What I learned doing this assignment is how to create involvement and attachment to the characters for the audience.

    Protagonist: Colvile

    Likability: The way he interacts with the kids in the opening. He is cool and

    not dismissive of them and sends them off with a pertinent life lesson.

    Relatability: He is a Detective, he gets shot and ends up in the hospital surrounded by co-wokers, friends and his captain.

    Empathy: His job is clearly dangerous. His captain informs in that there are no leads, no clue as to who and why he was ambushed and shot.

    Antagonist: Dr. Roland Young

    Likability: He is the police psychologist. He seems highly intelligent and very proficient at his job.

    Relatability: He recognizes that most of his patients are ordered there and would rather not see him. He and his job is over-scrutinized and under- appreciated.

    Empathy: Deals with difficult, demanding patients with calm and support. Never takes their dismissiveness personally.

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    March 17, 2023 at 7:13 am in reply to: Day 4 Assignments

    Daniel Turner’s Character Intrigue

    Vision: to become a produced and well regarded and in demand writer.

    What I keep learning doing these assignments is that I really need to build and invest in a character and they need more than good dialog to come alive.

    Character Name: Colvile Franklin

    Role: Protagonist

    Competition: Wants to be known as the best Detective on the force.

    Secrets: it is an open secret but he is in love and has been in love with a call girl for years.

    Secret Identity: he believes that he has been sent here by God, not that he is Jesus but he is a messenger from the Lord.

    Character Name: Dr. Roland Young

    Role: Antagonist

    Hidden Agenda: he is using his job to recruit for a secret sect.

    Conspiracies: The Sect that he is a part of is trying to remake the world for God’s paradise.

    Secrets: From the secret sect, the recruiting for it, to the sacrifices of sinners.

    Deception: he gives the impression that he just does his job and goes home.

    Secret Identity: Cult leader

    The subtext will show up for both characters because they are literally different sides of the same coin. They even have the same desire just the methods are different.

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    March 17, 2023 at 6:14 am in reply to: Day 3 Assignments

    Daniel Turner’s Subtext Characters

    VISION: To learn how to give my characters the depth and subtext that they have been clearly lacking.

    What I learned doing this assignment is to be intentional with the characters and don’t just hope that they have some depth.

    Detective Colvile Franklin

    Subtext Identity: The Seducer

    Subtext Traits: Always searching for truth, regardless of outcome.

    Subtext Log-line: He was a pastor and left the church to become a cop and feel clean.

    Possible Areas for Subtext: He wants to make the world a better place in God’s image, but at what cost.

    Dr. Roland Young

    Subtext Identity: The Seducer

    Subtext Traits: Always analyzing. A detective in finding out what makes people tick.

    Subtext Logline: Patrolman turned CopDoc/Police psychologist is not just helping other cops, but he is recruiting for something.

    Possible Areas for Subtext: The secret leader

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    March 17, 2023 at 5:04 am in reply to: Day 6 Assignments

    Daniel Turner’s Genre Conventions

    Vision: My vision is to become a consistent, produced and overall well received writer.

    What I learned doing this assignment is to take a strategic look at the story and make sure all of the genre conventions are present.

    Title: To Bright to See

    Concept: A detective, while investigating a series of murders discovers that the killer may be another cop.

    Genre: Mystery/Thriller

    Conventions:

    Inciting Crime

    Antagonist Plan

    Life/Death Situations

    Mystery/ Intrigue and Suspense

    Following of Clues

    Plot Twists

    Exposure of the Criminal

    ACT 1

    Opening: The Detective is at an underground poker game. He gets a call about a crime scene and has to leave.

    Inciting Incident: The Detective is called to a crime scene. It is a grizzly ritualistic murder and the victim looks to be his call girl girlfriend at first.

    Turning Point: Another body is found murdered the same way.

    ACT 2

    Reaction: The Detective dives in and goes knocking on doors and is looking everywhere for a lead or clue of some kind.

    New Plan: He gets a lead and follows that lead, and it leads him to a cop. A very popular and well regarded cop.

    Turning point/Midpoint: He looks in to the cop trying not to let it be known what he is doing, the backlash would be really unfavorable. And the cop has air tight alibis so it looks like a dead end.

    ACT 3

    Rethink: He just has this feeling that he is missing something and goes back into looking into the cop.

    New Plan: He was right, the cop he is looking into is in to something, he just has to find out what.

    Turning Point/Midpoint: He finds that the cop has others that he is involved with, they find out and he is ambushed and shot.

    ACT 4

    Climax: He survives the ambush and gets back to it. He finds that four officers are part of some secret cult and they were carrying out the cults business in doing the murders.

    Resolution: He had gathered enough evidence against the officers to have charges brought and they were all convicted. And while not a pariah he is certainly shunned by members of the department.

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    March 16, 2023 at 6:14 am in reply to: Day 5 Assignments

    Daniel Turner’s 4 Act transformational Structure

    Vision: My vision is to become a consistent, produced and overall well received writer.

    What I learned doing this assignment is figuring out where you want to go before you start down the road is very beneficial and make the journey much easier.

    TITLE: Kentucky Browns

    CONCEPT: The Brown family runs a booming distillery business, then the state law is changed and they have to turn to running moonshine to earn money and keep the business alive.

    CONFLICT: The new Governor is a competitor that they ran out of business and now intends on seeking revenge and shutting down their business.

    Old ways: Generous, open to outsiders, community first attitude.

    New ways: Tight, secretive and closed off, family is what matters attitude.

    ACT 1

    Opening: Father Brown is buying the remnants of the soon to be Governor’s whiskey business. The future Governor believes that there was some shady back door dealings going on, and makes accusatory comments. Father Brown brushes the comments off and replies that if he had invested more time into the whiskey versus everything else he’s into he might have made something worth buying.

    Inciting Incident: The new Governor signs Prohibition into law in the state closing their business.

    Turning Point: The Governor sends the state police to confiscate the whiskey and whiskey making equipment from the Browns.

    ACT 2

    New Plan: Knowing that the law was going to change the Browns hid whiskey and their whiskey making equipment.

    Plan in Action: the Governor unknowingly confiscated his old whiskey and equipment from the Browns. So the Browns can still distill whiskey. And they do in secret.

    Midpoint Turning Point: Whiskey still keeps appearing in the state and the Governor starts cracking down and suspecting everyone especially the Browns.

    ACT 3

    Rethink Everything: to lessen the heat they’re under they stop running whiskey in the state and just export it out of state from now on.

    Turning Point/Midpoint: the state police find one of their secret distilleries and confiscate it all. The Governor is really close to getting them.

    ACT 4

    Climax: The Browns find out that the Governor has made a backdoor deal with the Claytons and is letting them do their thing for a piece of the action. The Claytons do not like or approve of the Governor and when asked they gladly help the Browns and throw the Governor undertake bus. The FBI gets involved, the Governor goes to jail and the law is repealed.

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    March 14, 2023 at 1:08 am in reply to: Day 4 Assignments

    Daniel Turner’s Subtext Plot

    My Vision: My vision is to become a consistent, produced and overall well received writer.

    What I learned from this assignment is subtext creates more points of interest to keep the reader engaged.

    I absolutely love creating new worlds and the characters that live in them.

    Concept: A retired South American Drug Baron and an ex-Army Ranger open up a neighborhood coffee shop.

    Subtext Plot: Someone Hides Who They Are/The Fish Out of Water

    Title: Perfect Grind

    This is the story of two guys who meet and become friends and decide that their next career is going to be running a coffee shop together. One is an ex-Army Ranger and the other is an extremely wealthy and now retired Drug Baron. They are both hiding their former lives and have never been in an environment like this before and have to adjust and learn.

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    March 13, 2023 at 6:35 am in reply to: Day 3 Assignments

    Daniel Turner’s Transformational Journey

    My Vision: My vision is to become a consistent, produced and overall well received writer.

    What I learned from doing this assignment is how to create that all important journey that takes the viewer/reader on a journey along with the characters and keeps them engaged.

    Arc Beginning: Detective who believes that God will work everything out, and that evil is just a concept and just have faith.

    Arc Ending: Finds that evil is real and that he must be proactive and make evil go away.

    Internal Journey: from unsure and skeptical of his own judgment to believing that he can do the job and trusting his judgment.

    External Journey: From someone who was in over his head to the star of the department.

    Old Ways: Avoided conflict, distracted, always seeking praise.

    New Ways: Engages in actions needed to get job done. Less amiable. Trusts own judgment.

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    February 26, 2023 at 1:27 am in reply to: Day 2 Assignments

    Daniel Turner’s Intentional Lead Characters

    My Vision: My vision is to become a consistent, produced and overall well received writer.

    What I learned: is how to ensure that your characters deliver on the promise of the pitch.

    TITLE: Blood Atonement

    Concept: Colvile Franklin, that preacher turned police detective while investigating a series of murders uncovers a secret sect that is sacrificing sinners to cleanse the world in preparation of God’s coming paradise.

    Character: Colvile Franklin(protagonist)

    Preacher turned Detective must decide if the sect he has uncovered is doing God’s work, or the Devil’s.

    Unique: A man of God becomes a man of the law and must constantly decide whether man’s law or God’s law is to be followed and is more important.

    Character: Dr. Roland Young(antagonist)

    Policeman turned police psychiatrist or cop doc. He is the recruiter for the sect.

    Unique: He also wants to make the world a better place and to achieve its promise. Its just that his methods may be questionable.

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    February 25, 2023 at 8:25 pm in reply to: Day 1 Assignments

    Daniel Turner’s Title, Concept and Character Structure

    My Vision: is that learning to outline the story well will enable me to craft better and more cohesive stories and level up what I am able to produce.

    TITLE: Blood Atonement

    CONCEPT: A preacher turned police detective uncovers a secret sect, he must then decide if they are doing God’s work, or the Devil’s.

    CHARACTER STRUCTURE: Protagonist vs antagonist

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    February 22, 2023 at 6:35 am in reply to: Day 13 Assignments

    Daniel’s Misdirecting the Audience

    What I learned is that if you set up your MIS properly that you only need a sprinkle of misdirection to keep the audience engaged and interested.

    The Red Herring: Deacon Wright, the Deacon uses his church status to conceal the kind of sleazy low life that he really is, and the protagonist is on to him about it.

    Dialogue Misdirection: The Preacher responds sarcastically to the Deacon when he tells the Preacher and a woman that he’s in the church basement with that “this is a holy place, even the basement”. And the Preacher responds “well, you would know” and there are other instances after that but that is how the Deacon is introduced.

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    February 20, 2023 at 11:39 pm in reply to: Day 12 Assignments

    Daniel’s Engaging Clue Trails

    What I learned is this is an excellent way to ensure that the story to solving the mystery makes sense and is consistent in guiding the audience towards the conclusion.

    Mystery #1:

    Who is responsible for the disappearance of various criminals throughout the city?

    End Result: Crime is down in the city.

    Clues:

    Where have these criminals disappeared to?

    No persons have been reported missing, so no crime committed no investigation.

    Its been said that those who have done the snatching moved and acted like professionals, like they have had training of some kind.

    No bodies have been found.

    The Police have not a clue what is going on. Were informed by an informant that people are missing.

    A witness says he saw men dressed like professional painters put someone in the back of a white utility van.

    Men dressed as professional painters came by the home of the hero’s girlfriend, who happens to be a lady of the night.

    The Hero receives a note telling him to stop looking for the ones cleansing the city. Let them do the work to make this place what it can be. If he interrupts their work it will come at a personal cost to him.

    The Hero does not relent in his investigation, he receives a call from another officer that his old church has been set on fire. When he gets to the scene of the fire, he talks with a Patrolman, who talked with a witness. And our here says “Let me guess, men got out of a white utility van, dressed as painters, and the fire started when they left?” the Patrolman responds “How’d you know that sir?”

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    February 12, 2023 at 1:31 am in reply to: Day 10 Assignments

    Daniel Turner’s Trust Relationships

    What I learned doing this assignment is to pay attention to the tension created by trust or lack of trust in the story.

    Main Characters

    Colvile: Hero

    Roland: Villain – doesn’t trust, generally suspicious of

    Deacon Wright: Red Herring – Not Trusted

    Detective James: Red Herring- Trusted but shouldn’t be

    Mary Maggie Lynn: Trusted

    Captain Reynolds: Doesn’t trust but should

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    February 10, 2023 at 7:36 am in reply to: Day 9 Assignments

    Daniel’s Twists and Turns

    What I learned doing this assignment is to use a systematic method to put twists and turns in the story to keep it from becoming monotonous.

    TWIST 1

    DIRECTION: High school freshman Brandon steals 4 grams of coke from his drug dealing father to take to a party.

    TWIST: Brandon’s father was sold bunk, and the coke is baking soda.

    TWIST 2

    DIRECTION: So he can be cool and impress his classmates, he starts sharing some of the “coke” with them.

    TWIST: Because they’re kids and they’ve all been drinking they all start acting high, and he’s the hit of the party.

    TWIST 3

    DIRECTION: Brandon sells a couple of seniors a gram, and they realize that it’s bunk.

    TWIST: Instead of embarrassing him and telling everybody or beating him up, they call the police on him.

    TWIST 4

    DIRECTION: Brandon’s father is called to come down to the station because his son has been arrested.

    TWIST: When Brandon’s dad gets to the station the cops try to use his son’s predicament to get something out of him.

    TWIST 5

    DIRECTION: We have a known drug dealer, and his arrested son in the police station arrested for selling drugs.

    TWIST: Knowing that he had bunk and noticing that some was missing, he tells the cops to “take a flying leap” because they dont have anything.

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    February 10, 2023 at 5:23 am in reply to: Day 8 Assignments

    Daniel’s Thriller Plot

    What I learned in this assignment is a great way to get a birds eye view of how much mystery and tension, or a lack of mystery and tension is in the story.

    OPENING: While following a lead our hero is ambushed and shot.

    Life Threatening 1: Is he going to die?

    Mystery 1: Who would shot a cop?

    INCITING INCIDENT: He begins investigating a series of grisly, ritualistic murders.

    Mystery 2: Who would murder someone in this bizarre, methodical way?

    TURNING POINT #1: With a stroke of investigative luck he finds that it might be cops involved in the murders.

    Mystery 3: Are these murders and abduction being carried out by cops?

    MIDPOINT: He finds out that there is a secret police sect that is involved in the murders and people being snatched up and disappearing, and he has no idea how many cops are involved.

    Mystery 3: Who is all involved in this? How much of and how high up in the department does this go?

    TURNING POINT 2: he discovers that there is no one he can trust in the department, even his partner is involved.

    Mystery 4: How has his partner been hamstringing this investigation?

    CLIMAX: Our hero catches up to the villain, but he only knows what has happened, he has got no proof, so he can’t arrest him.

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    February 8, 2023 at 6:36 am in reply to: Day 7 Assignments

    Daniel’s Life Threatening Sequence

    What I learned is that raising the stakes keeps the viewers attention and emotional investment engaged in the story.

    What is the Villain’s plan and how does that put the Hero in danger?

    The Villain’s plan is to cleanse the world in preparation for God’s coming paradise. He is doing that by sacrificing sinners and making criminals disappear. It puts the Hero in danger because he is a Police Detective and is investigating the disappearances, and murders. And as his investigation goes along the evidence starts pointing to other cops and the villain, and what will they do to him if he gets too close?

    What other potential dangers could your Hero experience as he trys to solve the mystery and confront the Villain?

    Other than ending up face down in the lake,

    He could be set up by the crooked cops to appear crooked.

    They could do something terrible to or murder his prostitue girlfriend.

    They could keep him under surveillance.

    They could spread rumors in the department, ruin his reputation and make him unsafe and not trusted.

    From the list of potential dangers, choose the ones that work for this story.

    All of the above will work for the story.

    Sequence those dangers in order and make a list like the one I did for Basic Instinct above.

    Opens with the hero investigating and is ambushed and shot.

    After getting out of the Hospital, he is at the court house and runs into a perp he busted that got off because of a technicality. The crook tried to rub it in the hero’s face and the hero’s response was to slap the perp.

    Because of the assault he is ordered to see the police shrink in lieu of suspension. During the session he get the sense that the shrink is probing for something, but he has to play nice so he doesn’t get suspended.

    The hero gets cornered by a street informant. The informant wants to know what they are going to do about all of the people that are disappearing, that are being snatched up. He has no idea what the informant is talking about but says he will look into it.

    He starts asking around to see if anybody has seen or heard anything. Everyone says no, and the guys in a special unit that should know say they haven’t seen or heard anything about people being snatched up.

    The hero and his partner go to see Coopernicus, the wise man of the street to see what the word on the street is. He informs our detectives that people are definitely being snatched up and disappearing. And from what he has heard it looks to be being carried out by pros, people with definate training, maybe lot local by probably cops. And then he asks them about the ritual killings. The cops decline to give any theories or info. The the wise one states that it looks like you have someone freeing souls out there.

    The same shooters who ambushed our hero show up at his girlfriend’s condo saying that they need to speak with her. She bought the condo from the estate of an old gangster and it has a hidden room in it. The shooters break in and search the condo and cannot find her. They think she went out of the window.

    When the shooters, now maskless are exiting the building the run into our hero. They both give awkward reasons about why they happen to be there and part ways. When the hero get to his girlfriends door and knocks their special knock she comes out of hiding and tell him about the two men teaching for her.

    The two men who were searching for her are cops and the hero recognized them. With his curiosity piqued he starts to surveil them. And because they are cops he has to keep this to himself and can’t share what he is up to with anyone.

    Our hero has another session with the cop doc. He still seems to be probing for something, and has some odd questions.

    Hero still surveilling the two cops, they have no idea that they’re being watched. They lead him to a crime scene that they don’t report. And then they lead him to one of the group sessions of the cop doc.

    At his next session he takes the doc up on the offer of the group meeting, and when he goes to the next meeting, and the two cops he’s been tailing are in attendance. Nothing weird or out of place at the meeting just a session with more people. But there was a clear tension in the air.

    The hero follows the two to a building and like the time before they spend a great deal of time in the building. Thinking that there is going to be another crime scene. When they leave he goes to investigate. And that is when he is ambushed and shot.

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    February 6, 2023 at 11:21 pm in reply to: Day 6 Assignments

    Daniel Turner’s Mystery Sequence

    1. The Villain is covering uptake fact that he is leading secret sect that is sacrificing people and making others disappear.

    2. He makes the sacrifices look like a serial killer is on the loose.

    The bodies of those that are snatched never turn up.

    They leave no witnesses.

    Other than the ritualistic killings there is no visible crime.

    3. Our hero gets called to a series ritualistic crime scenes. They are all of murdered prostitues. The last one looks just like the woman he is in love with, that also happens to be a lady of the night.

    4. A cop is shot in an ambush.

    Another prostitute is murdered in a ritualistic way.

    The cop gets into a scuffle with a criminal that he busted who got off on a technicality and tried rubbing it in his face.

    Because of the scuffle he is ordered to attend counciling with the police psychiatrist. Who probes and gives the impression that he is feeling him out for something.

    An informant confronts him and asks what are they going to do about all of the people disappearing. Being snatched up.

    He goes to see the old wise man of the street to get some info on what’s going on. The wise one gives him the lowdown on people disappearing. And that it looks to be professionals of some kind. Maybe cops?

    He has his second session with the psychiatrist and the psychiatrist invites him to a group meeting if he is ready for it.

    The hero goes to the location of the group meeting and ends up staying outside an staking it out. He is noticed by a couple of the attendees. They are also cops.

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    February 2, 2023 at 7:48 pm in reply to: Day 5 Assignments

    Daniel Turner’s Villain has a great plan!

    What I learned is that the villains plan is really the engine of the story. The villains actions, plan, is what makes the story happen and what makes it go.

    Villains Plan

    Goal: To cleanse this world of sinners to prepare for the coming of God’s paradise.

    How to accomplish goal: The villain created a secret sect, and they are sacrificing sinners by making them disappear to cleanse the society and the world. And by sinners, they are snatching up drug dealers, thieves, prostitutes and others who make this world a living hell for others.

    How will they cover it up: The sect itself is secret, and the members who are mostly cops have all bought into this goal. And most of the people that they are sacrificing are on the edges of society, so other than other people on the edge of society who is going to miss them?

    Sequence:

    The hero, a detective, comes across a series of ritualistic killings.

    A criminal gets out of jail time on a technicality and rubs our hero’s nose in it. Our hero strikes the criminal and is sent to the police shrink.

    During the sessions with the shrink, our hero gets the feeling that he is being recruited for something. So he begins to play along to see where this may go and ends up being invited to a group session outside of the department with like minded individuals.

    An informant asks our hero about people disappearing, being snatched up. And why nothing is being done about it. He says that he’ll look into it.

    Our hero is on the fence about the group session. He goes and waits in his car outside of the house. He is not sure if he is going in or staking the place out. But the group is just other cops.

    The hero goes to see Coopernicus, the wise man of the street. He tells him that yes there are people getting snatched up and being made to disappear. And from what he hears, they way they move and are in sync when they are in the process of snatching that it must be some kind of professionals. They definitely have training. They are law enforcement of some kind, maybe not local, but they are.

    This piques our hero’s curiosity and he begins looking into the shrink and his group.

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    February 2, 2023 at 12:04 am in reply to: Day 4 Assignments

    Daniel’s Stacking Suspense BI Assignment 2

    Once again it just shows how important putting more than just one element of MIS in each scene makes the movie so much more engaging. I had always felt this subconsciously but now that I am actually aware of it, it is even more obvious now.

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    February 1, 2023 at 11:52 pm in reply to: Day 4 Assignments

    Daniel’s Stacking Suspense BI Assignment 1

    What I really learned doing this exercise is that to keep people guessing, which keeps them interested and involved, you need to give them possibilities. Give them possible options of what might happen and you can keep their attention. And with the stakes high enough to make them care you can get and hold the interest and take them on a journey.

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    September 17, 2022 at 2:02 am in reply to: Day 2 Assignments

    Daniel Turner’s Actor Attractors!

    I just love getting in deep and creating compelling characters.

    Activity: Creating Actor Attractors for my characters.

    What I learned from doing this assignment is to create interesting things about the character in the beginning, and not just hope that the character is interesting when the story is done.

    Lead Character: Colvile Franklin

    Role: Protagonist

    1. He is a church preacher/minister who becomes a police detective.

    2. He changed from a minister to a policeman because he believes that he is ordained by God to fight evil and can do more with a more hands on approach.

    3. He falls for a prostitute and shields her from harm like Jesus and the angry stone throwing mob. When he finally catches the Sect leader they have a very lively debate about Justice and Mercy and both realize that their thoughts are more similar than not.

    4. Once a well regarded preacher and now a police detective, he is introduced to us as he is compelled by the moment to give a short but profound sermon to some colleagues and assailants at the station.

    5. From gregarious to intense and focused to preaching a sermon.

    6. He believes that he is doing the Lord’s work and there is a righteous confidence that stems from that.

    7. He has fallen in love with a high-end prostitute that he started a relationship with when he was falling from the pulpit.

    8. In his word of the day, he has a new word everyday that when asked what the word is its definition is attached to a small sermon. It has gotten to the point where even the criminals know and ask him what the day’s word is.

    9. He was a well received preacher who fell from the pulpit and became a policeman so he could have a more hands on approach to battling evil.

    Lead Character Name: Roland Young

    Role: Antagonist

    1. He is the ultra-charismatic leader of an underground cult with aspirations to change the world.

    2. Whether you agree with him or not, he is a true visionary and the same vision that captivates the members of the sect also begins to intrigue the audience.

    3. Being the flip side of the same coin as the detective, he motivates his people with an impassioned and profound speech to the members that clearly galvanizes and motivates them.

    4. He is introduced when one of the members of the sect confronts him with doubts and he shifts the perspective of the member in such a profound way as to make him more of a believer than ever.

    5. He goes from fatherly and empathetic, to smooth and charismatic to the wrath of God will come down on you.

    6. He’s a motivator and a manipulator, always working at getting something.

    7. He and the Detective are different sides of the same coin, so they end up having a very intense, while we pretend that we’re not like the other relationship.

    8. He is always compelling and always making his point, whether you notice him doing it or not.

    9. His unique vision for the world and his ability to make others see that vision and want to take part in making it come true.

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    September 11, 2022 at 1:31 am in reply to: Day 1 Assignments

    I have so much fun digging and finding depth and a compelling nature to a character.

    My vision is to learn how to create characters that are interesting to more than me and be able to get others(actors) excited about them.

    What I learned from this assignment is what to consider when fashioning a character to make them appealing to play.

    Actor Attractor

    Movie Title: Michael Clayton

    Lead Character: Michael Clayton

    1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?

    He’s special, a fixer, the coolest, smoothest guy in any room.

    2. What makes this character the most interesting character in the movie?

    He’s the guy with all of the answers, knows all of the angles and is the specialist that gets called in to solve the big problems. To the point that the character is actually told so in the movie.

    3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?

    He is constantly exerting control in almost every scene with physical menace. He talks and give the other characters the perspective that he has it handled

    and he’s really the one in control.

    4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?

    The movie opens with a visual introduction to the world the story takes place in. While we are being introduced to the world, a character off screen is confiding to Michael somethings that sound very important and that could also be quite troublesome. And when we actually first see Michael he is playing in what is clearly an underground(illegal) poker game, which just adds more cool and also makes you wonder, “Who is this guy?”.

    5. What is this character’s emotional range?

    From cool and contained to clearly hiding stress and frustration.

    6. What subtext can the actor play?

    He is always thinking and scheming, planning. But he also wants to be and for his life to be different. He is coming to the realization that his life is not what he wants.

    7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?

    He has compelling and interesting interactions with every character he has a scene with but the most interesting is with him mentor/friend Arthur Edens. Arthur is also the character that confides in Michael at the beginning of the movie. There relationship is interesting because he is the one who really holds up a mirror to Michael while he tells him I know who you really are.

    8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?

    It is his ability to shift peoples perspective by showing them what would be in their best interest.

    9. What makes this character special and unique?

    That at first glance his life should be great, and with little inspection you come to find out that its empty and he is coming to terms with that. That everyone around him thinks that he has it down and all the balls are lined up for him and has come to realize that the fraud of his life can no longer continue. Can he make the change without losing everything?

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    June 30, 2022 at 6:37 am in reply to: Day 5 Assignment

    Daniel Turner’s #5

    EXT. FORD CAR DEALERSHIP – NIGHT

    Two salesmen, ROBERT and TRENT, are standing at the entrance of the dealership. Its just past dusk after a busy sunny day at the dealership.

    ROBERT

    Yessir, what a day. Whats that, another hat trick for you? How many is it this month? This week?

    TRENT

    Three, yeah, three.

    ROBERT

    Well done my man. Whats that, 9 cars in just three days. Whose customers have you been stealing? Nah, I’m playing. But really, who you been snaking to get so lucky?

    TRENT

    Alright, you got me. Just John’s. But I lent him some money, for that thing, so he kinda owes me.

    ROBERT

    Thats right, that thing he was so stressed about. But I heard that you said that you were going to help him out but never did. That you are always saying that you’ll help a guy out but always come up short.

    TRENT

    What! Who said!

    ROBERT

    Tony.

    TRENT

    Tony?

    ROBERT

    Yep,Tony. He has been letting loose that you pretend to be such and such, but that it’s really just a front. That you’re really broke.

    TRENT

    Tony? Yeah, Tony and I are going to need to have a little conversation.

    ROBERT

    Don’t be too hard on him, I think he was just messing around?

    TRENT

    Wrong. We’re going to talk real soon.

    ROBERT

    Just go easy. Like I said, I think he was just fucking around.

    TRENT

    Nope. We going to have it out. Come on and see what happens.

    ROBERT

    What? Whats going on?

    TRENT

    He’s in the back office right now, lets go get this handled.

    ROBERT

    You sure you want to do this? Something could pop off?

    TRENT

    It’ll be fine, just going to talk with him. Lets go.

    Trent turns and walks to the door of the dealership. He opens and holds the door for Robert.

    TRENT (CONT’D)

    (holding the door)

    Come on.

    ROBERT

    (walking through the door)

    You sure you’re cool man?

    TRENT

    Yeah, I’m way cool. Lets go get this handled.

    INT. DEALERSHIP BACK OFFICE – MOMENTS LATER

    Robert and Trent walk into the Back Office and TONY and JOHN are inside talking. Robert walks in first followed by Trent who closes the door behind them.

    JOHN

    Look who decided to show up. Well alright lets get to it.

    TONY

    Thanks for coming Robert, this has been a long time coming.

    It dawns on Robert what happening as Trent stands blocking the door.

    TRENT

    We’re good there aren’t any customers.

    Tony grabs a BASEBALL BAT from behind a desk.

    Robert’s face tells the whole story of what is about to happen.

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    June 18, 2022 at 8:07 am in reply to: Day 4 Assignment

    Daniel’s Max Interest Part 1

    What I learned is that using these techniques can help make the scene more engaging and less plodding along.

    Selected Scene

    Jackson, who is hiding out in a remote cabin in the mountains in the middle of winter falls into the river and rushes back to the cabin before he freezes to death. On the way back he sees someone else’s footprints in the snow. This puts him in a panic because he hasn’t seen anyone for months, who is it? Has he been found?

    EXT. MOUNTAIN – HILL OVERLOOKING CABIN

    Jackson climbs, on his belly, to the crest of the hill.

    POV

    Jackson surveys the cabin and the clearing surrounding it. No one, and no movement at first. Two MOUNTAIN MEN step into the frame. They walk up to the cabin, one up the porch, knocks on the door. He tries the door, no luck, locked. They stand, waiting.

    BACK TO JACKSON

    JACKSON

    (to himself)

    Who? What the hell! I don’t believe this. Fucking mountain men?

    Jackson watches from his perch, also waiting, freezing. Needs dry clothes and to get warm. He is very pale and cannot stop shivering.

    The two mountain men circle the cabin and meet back in the front. After a moment they walk off into the forrest.

    Jackson stays put making sure they have left. Hoping they’re gone he SCAMPERS down to the cabin.

    EXT. MOUNTAIN CABIN – FRONT DOOR – CONTINUOUS

    Jackson’s shaking hands makes unlocking the door a struggle. He manages and rushes in.

    INT. MOUNTAIN CABIN – CONTINUOUS

    Jackson closes the door behind him but fails to lock it. He changes out of his wet and into dry clothes as quickly as his TREMBLING HANDS will allow.

    Jackson lights the FIRE, grabs a BLANKET off the bed and rests in one of the chairs in front of the fire. After a moment, he gets back up, fetches a PISTOL from under a pillow. Cocoons himself in the blanket, in the chair, pistol underneath. Closes his eyes.

    There is a KNOCK at the door. Jackson’s eyes open, he doesn’t move. More KNOCKING. The door CREAKS open.

    MOUNTAIN MAN#1(O.S.)

    Hello! Hey in there! We saw the smoke. Hello?

    JACKSON

    (to himself)

    Shit.

    The door CREAKS open further, a flood of light seeps in and MOUNTAIN MAN#1, large, bearded, RIFLE on the shoulder, follows the light into the cabin.

    MOUNTAIN MAN#1

    Hey there. We saw the smoke.

    Mountain Man#1 pauses inside the door, scans the cabin, makes his way to the empty chair by the fireplace.

    MOUNTAIN MAN#1(CONT’D)

    It’s a devil of a cold one out there.

    (motioning towards the chair)

    Do you mind?

    Jackson doesn’t move or speak. Mountain Man#1 sits in the chair. Rifle leaned against it.

    MOUNTAIN MAN#1(CONT’D)

    Thanks brother. Man, this shack being here was a Godsend. We got caught in the storm…you don’t look so good. Did you get caught out too long?

    Jackson nods.

    MOUNTAIN MAN#1(CONT’D)

    Me and my brother have been going through these parts for some time. Never noticed this place before. We saw the smoke and were hoping we could warm up a bit. Shack is nice. Looks like you’ve been out here a while. How long you been out here?

    JACKSON

    Not exactly sure.

    MOUNTAIN MAN#1

    You look like it ain’t no weekend trip. Lotta time out here. What’s it 20 or so miles to the road? Town’s even farther. You must really like it out here?

    JACKSON

    For the most part.

    MOUNTAIN MAN#1

    I do too. It’s just you, your wits and strength, and the elements. You survive because you can. There is nobody out here to help. If you get into trouble, you’re all by yourself.

    The light streaming through the door is obstructed by MOUNTAIN MAN#2, also large, bearded, RIFLE on his shoulder.

    MOUNTAIN MAN#2

    Nice shack.

    MOUNTAIN MAN#1

    (to Mountain Man#2)

    Thats what I was telling him. And that we were hoping to warm up and rest up a while.

    MOUNTAIN MAN#2

    Maybe we could stay longer. Till the snow melts?

    MOUNTAIN MAN#1

    How about that? Help a couple of fellas out. Do you think we could borrow your shack for a while?

    Jackson sits up a little.

    JACKSON

    Borrow?

    MOUNTAIN MAN#1

    Yeah, borrow…

    MOUNTAIN MAN#2

    Just for a while.

    JACKSON

    And what would I do while you’re borrowing my shack?

    Smiles from the Mountain Men.

    MOUNTAIN MAN#2

    You can do exactly what you’re doing.

    MOUNTAIN MAN#1

    You don’t even have to move.

    FADE OUT.

    FADE IN:

    EXT. MOUNTAIN CABIN – DAY

    Jackson is loaded up with PACK and GEAR. He walks away from the cabin as it becomes engulfed in FLAMES reaching upwards toward the sky.

    FADE OUT.

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    May 27, 2022 at 6:33 pm in reply to: Day 3 Assignment

    Daniel profiles people.

    What I learned is how to both give a character some depth and consistency. It makes them come across more real and fleshed out.

    Person #1

    * Highly intelligent

    * Very judgmental

    * Needs to be the big brother-authoritative

    * Argumentative

    Person #2

    * Damaged

    * Non-Trusting

    * Suspicious

    * Blameless

    Person #3

    * Impulsive

    * Emotional

    * Argumentative

    * Strong willed

    I have known all of them for quite some time. They were all consistent. We were just interacting and they had no idea what I was up to but their traits have been consistent since I’ve known them.

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    May 26, 2022 at 8:53 pm in reply to: Day 2 Assignment

    Daniel Turner Puts Essence to Work

    What I learned is: I learned how finding the essence of a scene makes it richer, more entertaining and more compelling.

    Script I chose: Providence Coast

    Scene 1 Location: Act 1

    Logline: Author Jackson Spiller gets into an argument with Rebecca during a midmorning tryst, that she’s going back to her husband.

    Essence I’ve Discovered: Jackson has not matured and doesn’t think/care about the ramifications of what he wants.

    New Logline: Jackson presses Rebecca to leave her husband without regard for what that would do to her life.

    Scene 2 Location: Act 1

    Logline: Jackson goes to visit new editor and gets fired.

    Essence I’ve Discovered: Jackson is not just getting fired but in essence is being told that his life as it is, is no longer tenable.

    New Logline: Jackson visits new Editor and has how he lives his life questioned while getting fired.

    Scene 3

    Location: Act 2

    Logline: Jackson returns to the City from the wilderness, goes to one of his old haunts and meets somebody special.

    Essence I’ve discovered: She is special because she, for whatever reason, compels him to be truthful.

    New Logline: Jackson returns to the City from the wilderness and meets that special someone that compels him to change.

    Scene 4

    Location: Act 2

    Logline: After attending a protest march Jackson and Tess go back to her house where she tells him her story.

    Essence I’ve Discovered: That she was just like he is, a flip side of the same coin in a way. Just handled herself in a more mature manner.

    New Logline: After attending a protest march Jackson and Tess go back to her house where she tells him her story, it is then when he realizes how similar they really are.

    Scene 5

    Location: Act 2

    Logline: Jackson visits Editor of newspaper that published the articles on government corruption that he did not write but were ascribed to him.

    Essence I’ve Discovered: Even though he did not confess to the Editor that he didn’t really write what they published under his name, his questions sparked the Editor’s suspicions that something is up.

    New Logline: Jackson visits Editor of newspaper that published the articles on government corruption that he did not write but were ascribed to him and sparks the Editor’s suspicions of something being amiss.

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    May 24, 2022 at 4:29 am in reply to: Confidentiality Agreement

    Daniel Turner

    I agree to the terms of this release form.

    As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

    1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

    2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

    I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

    3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

    4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

    5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

    6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

    This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    May 24, 2022 at 4:28 am in reply to: Introduce Yourself To The Group

    Hello Evertone,

    My name is Daniel Turner. I have written several scripts. I hole that this class gives me more tools to up my game and become a better writer.

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    May 24, 2022 at 2:18 am in reply to: Day 1 Assignment

    Daniel Turner finds the Essence

    What I learned is How finding the Essence brings out the subtext and makes the story, scene more interesting. Whether writing or watching, reading it greatly enhances the experience.

    Script I chose: Steve Jobs

    Scene 1 Location: Openning Scene
    Logline: Determination, persistence, stubbornness, who is this guy?
    Essence: We are introduced to the main character and learn the essence of who

    he is very quickly.

    Scene 2 Location: Second Scene

    Logline: He’s not only determined and stubborn, but also highly intelligent and a visionary.

    Essence: The scene reaffirms what we learn in the first scene about him, and adds the highly intelligent part and that he has a vision that he is determined gets carried out.

    Scene 3 Location: Act 1 Set up

    Logline: He’s estranged from his maybe daughter and her mother. And has very little social grace.

    Essence: He is denying that this little girl is his daughter though it seems fairly obvious that she is, and he looks to be a coward along with all of the other traits we have been shown thus far.

    Scene 4 Location: Act 2 B Story

    Logline: The two guys responsible for Apple are having a disagreement that looks to be a disagreement that started years ago.

    Essence: One guy can dream and the other can do. And they have been arguing about what is more important since the beginning.

    Scene 5 Location: Bad Guy closes in.

    Logline: Former business associate Sculley visits Steve before his presentation. They both have different versions of their history that come to light.

    Essence: One is a businessman, one wants to leave his mark on the world and they interpret and see the world in completely different ways.

    This is the essence of the scene and in many ways the essence of the movie. How people view their world and what they consider important in it.

    This is a long and dialogue heavy scene. Because I believe that 17 pages is too much to ask people to read, especially poorly formatted I’m just going to give the beginning .

    45 INT. BALCONY LOBBY – CONTINUOUS 45 –Steve stops when he hears the voice of John Sculley

    SCULLEY
    You know all those times I told you
    you needed security? Here’s why.
    STEVE’s looking at SCULLEY. SCULLEY’s a sworn enemy now but STEVE’s

    not going to show him that. He has bigger plans. STEVE JOBS – Shooting Script 03/19/15 104. 45 CONTINUED:

    STEVE (pause)

    I don’t know how it is I’ve gotten older and you haven’t. Some deal with the devil I was never offered.

    SCULLEY
    So you know what I’ve been thinking for the last four years?
    STEVE
    As it turns out I’ve never known what you were thinking.

    SCULLEY
    No newborn baby has control, do you
    know what I’m talking about? In ‘84, before the Mac launch, you said– STEVE Yeah.
    SCULLEY
    You said that being adopted meant
    you didn’t have control.
    STEVE (pause)
    We’re starting in a minute so–
    SCULLEY
    Why do people think I fired you?
    STEVE
    It’s fine, John, it’s all behind
    us.
    46 INT. STEVE’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
    It’s a beautiful house but it’s almost entirely unfurnished. There’s a very nice

    floor lamp, a framed photograph of Einstein on the wall…and that’s about it. Except for a Mac that sits in the middle of the floor.

    The DOORBELL RINGS–STEVE looks at the door– QUICK CUT TO:
    CUT BACK TO:

    INT. BALCONY LOBBY – SAME TIME

    STEVE’S FOYER – NIGHT
    STEVE opens the door and SCULLEY is standing there. 48

    STEVE JOBS – Shooting Script 03/19/15 105. Is it? Hm?
    SCULLEY STEVE SCULLEY
    Don’t play stupid, you can’t pull it off. STEVE

    You came here to ask me–
    SCULLEY
    Sorry to come by unannounced.
    INT. BALCONY LOBBY – SAME TIME STEVE

    –why people think you fired me? CUT BACK TO:
    Yeah.
    SCULLEY

    STEVE Seriously? Yeah.
    SCULLEY
    STEVE

    I haven’t seen or spoken to you in three years.
    SCULLEY
    Why do people think I fired you? STEVE (pause)

    Just confirm something for me, okay? You liked the ad, right? (MORE)
    QUICK CUT TO:

    CONTINUED:
    STEVE (CONT’D)
    The commercial. “1984.” You liked it?

    INT. STEVE’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT SCULLEY

    When are you gonna get furniture? STEVE
    It’s not an easy process.
    SCULLEY

    It is, you buy a couch and take it from there.
    STEVE
    I’ve been thinking a lot about couches. What do we use them for? SCULLEY Steve–

    STEVE
    I’d be really surprised if you came
    here to talk about interior decorating.
    INT. BALCONY LOBBY – SAME TIME SCULLEY
    I liked the ad very much.
    STEVE You did.
    SCULLEY
    You know I did, now please answer
    my question.
    STEVE
    You’re lying, son of a bitch, you
    tried to kill it.

    STEVE JOBS – Shooting Script 03/19/15 106. QUICK CUT TO:

    CUT BACK TO: QUICK CUT TO:

    INT. STEVE’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
    SCULLEY
    It’s time to take a hard look at
    the Mac.
    STEVE
    It’s past time. It’s overpriced, we
    need to drop it to nineteen ninety- five. We need to double the marketing

    budget, put more bodies on an internal hard drive and invest in FileServer. SCULLEY

    Where would that money come from? STEVE
    It would come from finally getting rid of the Apple II.

    INT. BALCONY LOBBY – SAME TIME SCULLEY
    Where the hell did you get the idea
    I tried (to kill the ad?)

    STEVE Lee Clow.
    SCULLEY Lee’s wrong.
    STEVE He’s lying?
    SCULLEY He’s mistaken.
    STEVE
    You agreed with the board. SCULLEY
    I understood the board’s concerns but I certainly did not (try to kill–) STEVE
    The board’s concern that we didn’t

    6

    show the product. 52
    53
    53

    STEVE JOBS – Shooting Script 03/19/15 107. CUT BACK TO:

    53
    CONTINUED:
    53
    54
    INT. STEVE’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT SCULLEY
    The Apple II is the only thing
    making money.
    STEVE
    That’s because we keep selling it.
    SCULLEY (pause–this is awkward
    and hard)
    I can’t diagram that logic but–
    STEVE
    We keep making it so people keep–
    the Mac needs to sell for $1995.
    54
    STEVE JOBS – Shooting Script 03/19/15 108. SCULLEY
    Among other things, but my
    (question was–)
    STEVE (over)
    What other things? You said among other things. SCULLEY
    There is no market research telling

    7

    us the Mac is failing because it’s overpriced. It’s telling us that people don’t like it because they think it doesn’t DO anything, it’s closed end to end. We didn’t know it wasn’t what people wanted but it isn’t, they want slots, they want choices, they want options. The way we buy stereos, mix and match components.

    STEVE
    John, listen to me. Whoever said
    the customer is always right was, I promise you, a customer. SCULLEY
    My job is to make a recommendation
    to the board.
    QUICK CUT TO:

    54
    CONTINUED:
    54
    55
    INT. BALCONY LOBBY – SAME TIME
    SCULLEY
    Among other things, it was set in a
    dystopian galaxy, it took place on a planet where we don’t live, it was dark

    and the opposite of our brand. And we didn’t show the product. People talked about the ad but most of them didn’t know what we were selling.

    55
    56
    INT. STEVE’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT STEVE When?
    SCULLEY
    Just now. An hour ago. I’m coming from Markkula’s house.
    STEVE
    And what did he say?
    (beat)

    8

    What did he say?
    56
    STEVE JOBS – Shooting Script 03/19/15 109. STEVE
    Recommend that we drop the price,
    double the marketing–
    SCULLEY I can’t.
    STEVE Well what are you recommend that we gonna do, kill the Mac?
    SCULLEY
    I already have, Steve.
    STEVE (pause)
    What?

    9

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    May 23, 2022 at 8:18 pm in reply to: Confidentiality Agreement

    Daniel Turner

    I agree to the terms of this release form.

    As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

    1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

    2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

    I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

    3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

    4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

    5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

    6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

    This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    May 23, 2022 at 8:16 pm in reply to: Introduce Yourself to the Group

    Hey Everybody,

    My name is Daniel Turner. I have written several scripts. I hope to develop some new skills and techniques to get my writing to a pro level.

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    May 10, 2022 at 4:17 pm in reply to: Confidentiality Agreement

    Daniel Turner

    I agree to the terms of this release form.

    As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

    1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

    2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

    I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

    3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

    4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

    5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

    6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

    This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    May 10, 2022 at 4:15 pm in reply to: Confidentiality Agreement

    Daniel Turner

    I agree to the terms of this release form.

    As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

    1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

    2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

    I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

    3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

    4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

    5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

    6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

    This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    May 10, 2022 at 4:14 pm in reply to: Introduce Yourself To The Group

    Hello Everyone,

    My name is Daniel Turner.

    I have written several scripts, a couple of features and shorts.

    I hope to learn not just how to write better, but what to write. To learn what makes a script a compelling read.

    I was born left handed but I didn’t want to be different and use the special scissors , so I switched and am now right handed.

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    May 10, 2022 at 4:09 pm in reply to: Confidentiality Agreement

    Daniel Turner

    I agree to the terms of this release form.

    GROUP RELEASE FORM

    As a member of Writing Incredible Movies, I agree to the following:

    1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, through social media, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, videos, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

    2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

    I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

    3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

    4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

    5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

    6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

    This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    May 10, 2022 at 3:41 pm in reply to: Introduce Yourself To The Group

    Hello Everyone,

    My name is Daniel Turner.

    I have written several scripts, a couple of features and shorts.

    I hope to learn not just how to write better, but what to write. To learn what makes a script a compelling read.

    I was born left handed but I didn’t want to be different and use the special scissors , so I switched and am now right handed.

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    May 3, 2022 at 10:07 pm in reply to: Day 3 Assignments

    Daniel Turner’s World and Characters!

    What I learned doing this assignment is?

    What is becoming quite apparent is that there is almost a basic recipe to making a thriller, that there are always certain elements needed, regardless of the story that need to be in place to make the story actually thrilling.

    1. CONCEPT: Peter Franco, the preacher turned policeman is on the trail of a killer, whose killing prostitutes and other criminals.

    Big Mystery – Will Peter catch the killer, and discover who he or they are? And was he really sent by God to catch bad guys?

    Big Intrigue: – Peter discovers that the killer may have been a member of his former congregation and also discovers a secret group with the intent of cleansing the world, are they responsible for the murders.

    Big Suspense – Will the killer or the group deal with Peter because he’s trying to thwart their mission?

    2. The World: The hidden world of a religious sect who has the belief that they are here to cleanse the world of sin and sinners and are currently operating in the seedy parts of a large American city.

    3. Characters:

    HERO: Peter Franco

    Mystery: Will he find the killers? And who are they?

    Intrigue: The Atonement Sect has the same overall goal as Peter, their method is

    just more extreme. Will that hinder, or compromise his ability to bring

    them to justice?

    Suspense: Will the Sect make Peter atone for being an apostate, one who has

    renounced his belief and faith? Will they sacrifice him to save his soul?

    VILLIAN: Jericho Young – Leader of the Atonement sect.

    Mystery: When given serious thought, is he really wrong or crazy for what he’s

    trying to accomplish?

    Intrigue: How many followers and how powerful is the

    group that he leads?

    Suspense: Who will be sacrificed as he moves towards his goal?

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    April 28, 2022 at 6:29 pm in reply to: Day 2 Assignments

    Daniel Turner

    Big MIS

    What I learned doing this assignment is – To look at the building blocks of the Thriller critically and not just guessing at the steps to build suspense.

    Thriller – Day 2

    Peter Franco, the preacher turned policeman is on the trail of a killer, whose killing prostitutes.

    1. Conventions:

    Hero – Peter Franco – A preacher who fell from the pulpit and became a cop.

    Villain – The Killer – Someone, a man we assume but don’t know, who is murdering prostitutes for what seem to be religious reasons.

    The Stakes – Can Peter save the women?

    Life and Death situations: Peter is getting close to catching the killer who begins to taunt and threaten him.

    2. M.I.S.

    Big Mystery – Will Peter catch the killer, and discover who he or they are? And was he really sent by God to catch bad guys?

    Big Intrigue: – Peter discovers that the killer may have been a member of his former congregation and also discovers a secret group with the intent of cleaning the world, are they responsible for the murders.

    Big Suspense – Will the killer or the group deal with Peter because he’s trying to thwart their mission?

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    April 27, 2022 at 10:13 pm in reply to: Confidentiality Agreement

    1. Daniel Turner

    2. I agree to the terms of this release form

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    January 28, 2022 at 5:28 am in reply to: Introduce Yourself To the Group

    Hello Everybody,

    My name is Daniel and I have written 6 scripts. I am hoping that this class, along with others, will aid me in filling my satchel with what’s necessary to help me along in my journey to becoming a professional writer.

    Something unique about me is, and I have probably said this before, is that I was born left handed and switched to being right handed as a child because I did not want to use special scissors.

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    January 28, 2022 at 2:21 am in reply to: Confidentiality Agreement

    As a member of the group, I, Daniel Turner, agree to the following:

    GROUP RELEASE FORM

    As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

    1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

    2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

    I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

    3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

    4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

    5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

    6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

    This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    November 14, 2021 at 9:07 pm in reply to: Day 3 Assignments

    Daniel’s Comedic Situation

    What I learned doing this assignment: To actually create a structure for the comedy. It is an actual skill and process, You don’t just wing it in hope that something turns out funny.

    INT. KITCHEN-AFTERNOON

    Mary-Beth comes into the kitchen with TWO BAGS OF GROCERIES and deposits them on the kitchen table next to a few others. She sits at the kitchen bar and begins to become distracted with something on the TABLET on the bar. Mary-Beth reaches into her purse and pulls out her CELLPHONE and calls someone.

    INT. GARY’S OFFICE – SAMETIME

    Gary sitting at his desk, staring into a screen completely absorbed. His PHONE begins to RING. He picks it up sees who it is, a little smile, and answers.

    GARY

    Hey you, I was just thinking about you.

    INTERCUT phone conversation.

    MARY-BETH

    Ahh, I just got home from Costco.

    GARY

    What did you get? I hope something good.

    MARY-BETH

    Oh just the usual. And I got a chicken.

    GARY

    (incredulous)

    You got a chicken? Where are we going to keep it?

    MARY-BETH

    Probably just in the kitchen until we eat it. Where else…

    GARY

    Do the children know?

    MARY-BETH

    Not yet, but little Jon has been asking since he was over at Mark’s so I thought I would surprise him.

    GARY

    Surprise everybody.

    MARY-BETH

    I guess.

    GARY

    Does it have a name? What kind is it?

    MARY-BETH

    I don’t know about a name, it just said some kind of Italian.

    GARY

    A nameless italian chicken? And what are we going to do with it?

    MARY-BETH

    We’re going to eat it, what else do you do with a chicken?

    GARY

    And when are we going to eat this nameless bird?

    MARY-BETH

    What is it with you and naming our food? We will probably eat it tonight. Maybe you’ll actually be home to have some dinner with the rest of us? But I won’t hold my breath.

    GARY

    Now that’s something. You’re angry because I work too much, but the money you spend has to come from somewhere, and instead of talking to me about it you just make all kinds of hints and accusations, and then go out and get a chicken?

    MARY-BETH

    All of this attitude over a rotisserie chicken? Really? All this attitude over a dinner you probably won’t even be here for. Come on!

    GARY

    Rotisserie? I thought you bought a real chicken!

    MARY-BETH

    Why would I get a real chicken? Do you really think they sell live chickens at Costco?

    GARY

    Who knows? Who needs a gallon of mayonnaise?

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    November 3, 2021 at 2:20 am in reply to: Day 2 Assignments

    Daniel Turner’s Comedy Plots:

    What did I learn? That comedy is serious business. That even though you are trying to create something humorous, it takes the same level of skill as doing drama, action or anything else.

    Premise: The Prime Minister of England falls in love with the Prime Minister of the UAE(United Arab Emirates).

    1. Fish out of water: The English Prime Minister, who does not speak Arabic, tries to secretly visit the UAE Prime Minister and just blend in in Abu Dubai.

    2. Incongruent Pairings – Two male world leaders fall in love.

    3. Hilarious purpose – A UFO lands at the island resort where the two leaders are secretly staying. And legions of press arrive on the island to cover the landing.

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    October 29, 2021 at 1:25 am in reply to: Day 1 Assignments

    Daniel Turner’s Assignment #1

    What I learned – What I learned with this assignment was the basic structure of a joke. To be completely truthful it was something that I had a grasp of intuitively but to have it shown in a concrete manner was very nice and helpful. It is what I like about this scene, it is all about incongruity with a nice rhythm to the set-ups and punchlines.

    NINOTCHKA – 1939

    FADE IN ON:

    AN ESTABLISHING SHOT OF PARIS IN THE MONTH OF APRIL

    DISSOLVE TO:

    THE LUXURIOUS LOBBY OF THE HOTEL CLARENCE

    CAMERA MOVES to a CLOSE SHOT of the desk. In the background

    is a revolving door leading to the street. Through the

    revolving door comes a strangely dressed individual, obviously

    one who doesn’t belong in such surroundings. It is Comrade

    Buljanoff, a member of the Russian Board of Trade. Despite

    the spring climate of Paris, he still wears his typical

    Russian clothes, consisting of a coat with a fur collar, a

    fur cap, and heavy boots.

    (SETUP – Incongruity from the beginning of the scene. A man dressed for winter on a lovely spring day enters a luxury hotel where he clearly doesn’t belong)

    Buljanoff glances around the lobby, obviously over-whelmed

    by its magnificence. The Manager, puzzled by Buljanoff’s

    strange appearance, approaches him.

    MANAGER

    (politely)

    Is there anything I can do for you,

    monsieur?

    BULJANOFF

    No, no.

    He exits toward the street. The Manager returns to his

    customary duties, when suddenly a second Russian, similarly

    dressed, pushes his way through the door and gazes around.

    It is Comrade Iranoff.

    The Manager, definitely mystified by now, approaches him.

    (Setup – A second, clearly out of place man enters the scene.)

    MANAGER

    Yes, monsieur?

    IRANOFF

    Just looking around.

    Iranoff exits. Again the Manager returns to his duties, when

    suddenly he sees that a third man, dressed in the same

    fashion, has appeared in the revolving door. It is Comrade

    Kopalski.

    Kopalski doesn’t leave the revolving door at all but as it

    turns, drinks in the whole spectacle of the lobby. The Manager

    is by now dumfounded.

    (Setup – A third out of place man, it’s incongruity and begins to pique the viewer’s interest. They begin to wonder “what’s going on here?”)

    STREET IN FRONT OF THE HOTEL CLARENCE

    A taxi stands at the curb. Buljanoff and Iranoff are waiting

    beside it, Iranoff holding a suitcase. Kopalski, returning

    from the hotel, joins the group.

    (More Set-up)

    KOPALSKI

    Comrades, why should we lie to each

    other? It’s wonderful.

    IRANOFF

    Let’s be honest. Have we anything

    like it in Russia?

    ALL THREE

    (agreeing with him)

    No, no, no.

    IRANOFF

    Can you imagine what the beds would

    be in a hotel like that?

    KOPALSKI

    They tell me when you ring once the

    valet comes in; when you ring twice

    you get the waiter; and do you know

    what happens when you ring three

    times? A maid comes in — a French

    maid.

    IRANOFF

    (with a gleam in his

    eye)

    Comrades, if we ring nine times…

    let’s go in.

    BULJANOFF

    (stopping him)

    Just a minute — just a minute — I

    have nothing against the idea but I

    still say let’s go back to the Hotel

    Terminus. Moscow made our reservations

    there, we are on an official mission,

    and we have no right to change the

    orders of our superior.

    IRANOFF

    Where is your courage, Comrade

    Buljanoff?

    KOPALSKI

    Are you the Buljanoff who fought on

    the barricades? And now you are afraid

    to take a room with a bath?

    BULJANOFF

    (stepping back into

    the taxi)

    I don’t want to go to Siberia.

    Iranoff and Kopalski follow him reluctantly.

    IRANOFF

    I don’t want to go to the Hotel

    Terminus.

    (Set-up)

    KOPALSKI

    If Lenin were alive he would say,

    “Buljanoff, Comrade, for once in

    your life you’re in Paris. Don’t be

    a fool. Go in there and ring three

    times.”

    IRANOFF

    He wouldn’t say that. What he would

    say is “Buljanoff, you can’t afford

    to live in a cheap hotel. Doesn’t

    the prestige of the Bolsheviks mean

    anything to you? Do you want to live

    in a hotel where you press for the

    hot water and cold water comes and

    when you press for the cold water

    nothing comes out at all? Phooey,

    Buljanoff!”

    (Punchline)

    BULJANOFF

    (weakening)

    I still say our place is with the

    common people, but who am I to

    contradict Lenin? Let’s go in.

    All three start to leave the taxi, as we

    DISSOLVE TO:

    LOBBY — HOTEL CLARENCE — AT THE DESK

    Buljanoff, Iranoff, and Kopalski are approaching the Manager,

    their only suitcase carried by two of them.

    KOPALSKI

    Are you the manager?

    MANAGER

    (eyeing the three

    suspiciously)

    Yes.

    KOPALSKI

    Pardon me for introducing Comrade

    Iranoff, member of the Russian Board

    of Trade.

    MANAGER

    (bowing with strained

    politeness)

    Monsieur.

    IRANOFF

    This is Comrade Kopalski.

    MANAGER

    Monsieur.

    BULJANOFF

    I am Comrade Buljanoff.

    MANAGER

    Monsieur.

    BULJANOFF

    May I ask how much your rooms are?

    (Set up)

    MANAGER

    (trying to get rid of

    them)

    Well, gentlemen, I’m afraid our rates

    are rather high.

    BULJANOFF

    Why should you be afraid?

    (Set-up)

    The other two nod their agreement. The Manager has noted the

    single suitcase.

    MANAGER

    (haughtily)

    I might be able to accommodate you.

    Is there some more luggage?

    IRANOFF

    Oh, yes, but have you a safe here

    big enough to hold this?

    MANAGER

    I’m afraid we have no boxes of that

    size in our vault, but there is one

    suite with a private safe…

    IRANOFF

    That’s even better.

    MANAGER

    But, gentlemen, I am afraid…

    (Set-up)

    BULJANOFF

    He’s always afraid.

    (Punchline – Payoff)

    The other two exchange a look of agreement again.

    MANAGER

    (a little annoyed)

    I just wanted to explain. The

    apartment may suit your convenience

    but I doubt that it will fit your

    convictions. It’s the Royal Suite.

    (Set-up)

    The mention of the Royal Suite startles the three.

    (More set – up)

    BULJANOFF

    Royal Suite!

    (To the manager)

    Just a minute.

    The Three Russians take a step away from the manager and go

    into a huddle.

    BULJANOFF

    (in a low voice)

    Now Comrades, I warn you… if it

    gets out in Moscow that we stay in

    the Royal Suite we will get into

    terrible trouble.

    IRANOFF

    (defending his right

    to a good time)

    We’ll just say we had to take it on

    account of the safe. That’s a perfect

    excuse. There was no other safe big

    enough.

    The other two welcome the suggestion with relish.

    BULJANOFF AND IRANOFF

    That’s right. Good, very good.

    Suddenly Buljanoff grows skeptical again.

    (Final Set-up)

    BULJANOFF

    Of course, we could take out the

    pieces and distribute them in three

    or four boxes in the vault and take

    a small room. That’s an idea, isn’t

    it?

    For a moment all three see their bright plans crumble. Then

    Iranoff comes to the rescue.

    (Big-payoff -Punchline)

    IRANOFF

    Yes, it’s an idea, but who says we

    have to have an idea?

    Buljanoff and Kopalski see the logic of this and their faces

    light up.

    BOTH

    That’s right… that’s right.

    BULJANOFF

    (turning to the Manager)

    Give us the Royal Suite.

    The Manager leads the three toward the elevator. The CAMERA

    FOLLOWS THEM and NARROWS DOWN to the suitcase carried by two

    of the Russians.

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    October 13, 2021 at 1:16 am in reply to: Confidentiality Agreement

    Daniel Turner

    I agree to this release form.

    GROUP RELEASE FORM

    As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

    1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

    2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

    I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

    3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

    4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

    5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

    6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

    This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

  • Daniel Turner

    Member
    October 13, 2021 at 1:12 am in reply to: Introduce Yourself To the Group

    Hello everyone, my name is Daniel.

    I have completed 4 scripts so far.

    I would love to use this class to tap into my inner Danny DeVito.

    Something interesting, I was left handed until I was about ten, but I wanted to be like the other kids, and not use special scissors, and switched and I have been right handed ever since.

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