Danielle Dillard
Forum Replies Created
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Subject Line: (Danielle) Producer/Manager
1. How will you present yourself and your project to the producer?
If the producer is looking for scripts in my genre (faith based films), I would give them a brief reason for my passion for the genre, brief bio of my experience and the scripts I’ve sold / optioned and the budget I write in.2. How will you present yourself and your project to the manager?
If the manager is looking for writers in my genre I would piggyback on the above on presenting myself to a producer, and mention the contest I’ve won, the writing assignments I’ve had and projects I’ve completed and ones I’m currently working on.
3. Answer the question “What I learned today is…?”
How to present myself to a producer / manager. -
What I learned about this assignment is making my concept more intriguing.
Logline: A lonely choir singer, who turns away from God for romantic relationships, gets involved with an abusive man at her church and must return to God for help.
Component – unique, this is a faith based script that has a character arc which some may be able to relate to based upon their own experiences. It captures the journey of our inner struggles and the importance of faith. -
Still says, “waiting for host to start this meeting” (6:47pm, 5/27/24). Logging off of Zoom. Hopefully it will resume next Monday.
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Danielle, Title: Saved by Grace, Genre: Faith Based Family Drama, Concept: A lonely single woman, who puts her romantic relationships before her children, gets involved with the wrong man which causes her to get right with her children and with God.
I'd like to target managers first because I'd like to find the right representation.
What I learned from this assignment is thinking on how to further enhance my concept.-
This reply was modified 1 year ago by Danielle Dillard.
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This reply was modified 1 year ago by
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Hello, I’m Danielle Dillard and I’ve written over 5 screenplays. I hope to learn a lot from this class. In addition to writing I enjoy reading and spending time with my family & friends.
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Danielle Dillard, I agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class. -
Logline: A longtime couple must face settling down.
Essence: Marcus must convince Carley that he's truly ready for marriage.
Scene:
EXT. COUNTY FAIR – NIGHT
The fair is brightly lit with rides, game booths and food stands. FAMILIES, TEENS, KIDS, COUPLES enjoy this big playground.CAROUSEL – CONTINUOUS
CARLEY, beautiful and late 40s, sits on a bench on a spinning carousel ride. She's on her cell phone. She's in a nice business suit, looking like she just got off of work.
The only other people on the carousel are an ELDERLY COUPLE sitting on a bench a few feet away.
CARLEY
(on her cell phone)
I'm done! I'M SO DONE!MALE VOICE
(on speaker phone)
You're not listening!CARLEY
I've heard enough! I've heard it for over twenty-five years!MALE VOICE
That's because I wasn't ready!CARLEY
You're fifty! If you're not ready now then we shouldn't be together!Carley hangs up. The carousel slows down and comes to a stop. Carley, upset, remains sitting. The Elderly Couple remain sitting too and hold hands.
MARCUS, handsome and physically fit, sits next to Carley. He wears an expensive suit. Carley is shocked and pissed but maintains her composure. He snickers.
MARCUS
Think you can hang up on me and I won't find you? I knew you'd be here.Carley ignores him. The carousel starts to spin.
MARCUS
So as I was saying before you hung up, I wasn't ready –CARLEY
To settle down. You don't have to keep telling me.MARCUS
Just listen.CARLEY
Got me stuck to your ass for over twenty-five years. We could've had a grown child by now. Got me hanging on and waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting. Got me sick and crying. Should've bounced when you were hooking up with Monica.MARCUS
Whoa, Monica?! You gonna bring up Monica? That was back in ninety-five, Carley. I took that chick to Fatburger and that was it. And we were broken up back then. Besides you were rollin' with Roger!CARLEY
Roger wanted to marry me! But I was stupid for going back to you thinking you were gonna change. Always promising that we were gonna get married. You broke your promise!Marcus giggles.
MARCUS
You still love me?Carley hesitates. She's tongue tied.
MARCUS
Do you still love me?Carley starts to cry.
CARLEY
I can't anymore, Marcus. I can't. All the years I've waited –MARCUS
That's the past. I'm asking you now in the present… do you still love me?Frustrated, Carley buries her head in her lap for a few seconds. When she raises back up, she sees a beautiful diamond ring in a plush velvet box in Marcus's hand. She gasps.
MARCUS
Carley Rose Valentine, I was scared but I'm ready now. Will you marry me?She's speechless. A beat. Finally…
CARLEY
We will.MARCUS
(confused)
We?Carley nervously looks away. He gets it.
MARCUS
You're…Carley nods.
MARCUS
How long?CARLEY
Almost two months. The doctor says it's a high risk pregnancy since I'm forty-nine, but she also said I'm very healthy.Marcus is amazed. He puts the ring on her finger.
CARLEY
Are you sure you're ready for this?MARCUS
It's time we seal the deal.CARLEY
Been time. And, yes, I still love you.They kiss. The Elderly Couple kiss too as the carousel continues to spin.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by Danielle Dillard.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by
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LOGLINE: Phillip tries to convince a cop that Brandy did not steal a diamond necklace at a jewelry store.
ESSENCE: Phillip is the one who really wanted to steal the diamond necklace.
Scenes:
EXT. JEWELRY STORE – DAY
BRANDY, an attractive early 20s woman in a halter top and jeans, stands next to a male POLICE OFFICER who puts handcuffs on her.
BRANDY
Am I going to jail?
POLICE OFFICER
Should you be?
Brandy rolls her eyes. PHILLIP, late 40s, and in a business suit, approaches the Police Officer.
PHILLIP
Hold on, officer, I think there’s a mistake.
POLICE OFFICER
Who the heck are you?
PHILLIP
A witness. She’s innocent.
POLICE OFFICER
The store manager says she’s not. She saw her stuff a diamond necklace in her pocket.
BRANDY
You checked my pockets, idiot. There was nothing in there.
PHILLIP
Here’s what happened. She was looking at earrings.
BRANDY
Sapphire earrings. I only wear sapphires. Goes with my eyes.
PHILLIP
I then approached her and asked if she had a cigarette handy and –
POLICE OFFICER
Now why would you ask a young lady at a jewelry store for a cigarette?
PHILLIP
She was fidgeting. I figured she smokes. And I was fidgeting too.
POLICE OFFICER
Then why didn’t you have your own cigarette?
PHILLIP
I left my cigarettes in the car. Look, it’s my fault. I was the one looking at the diamond necklace. I asked if she thought it was pretty since she’s around my daughter’s age. That’s when she took the necklace to get a better look. I then asked for a cigarette, and she checked her pocket. That’s when that old lady called the cops. It was a simple mistake, sir. Did I mention I donate to the police department every year?
The STORE MANAGER, an early 60s woman, approaches the Police Officer.
STORE MANAGER
Arrest her! Someone texted me a video of her putting the necklace in her pocket!
The Store Manager shows the Police Office the video on her cell phone.
POLICE OFFICER
Alright, let’s go.
BRANDY
Wait! That’s not me!
The Police Officer grabs Brandy’s arm and takes her to the Police Car. Phillip looks on with remorse.
INT. JEWELRY STORE – LATER
Phillip walks into the luxurious jewelry store. The Store Manager shines the glass cases.
STORE MANAGER
Thanks again for recording that girl and texting me the video. She belongs behind bars. I bet her parents must be very upset.
PHILLIP
(under his breath)
Actually… I’m very proud of my daughter.
STORE MANAGER
Pardon?
PHILLIP
Oh, nothing, ma’am. Have a nice day.
Phillip discreetly stuffs the diamond necklace in his pocket, smiles at the Store Manager and leaves.
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What I learned doing this assignment was building the techniques in my scene.
Logline: A wounded woman feuding with her husband wants to make amends, but with a price.
A. Suspense.
We see an intriguing lady waiting alone in a fancy restaurant, and we wonder why she is there and why is she alone.
B. Major twist.
The lady says she wants to make amends, but then she’s presenting divorce papers.
C. Surprise.
The age difference of the characters, in the beginning of the scene one may think it’s her son but it’s her spouse.
D. Put in a More Interesting Setting
A sedan, a hotel room.
E. Mislead / Reveal.
Reveal the true personality of the woman, nice-nasty that has no limits.
F. Superior Position / Dramatic Irony
The girl the spouse cheated with is trying to get something from them both.
G. Uncertainty — hope / fear
The man has home that his wife will take him back, but at the same time she’s rejecting him in a nice yet threatening way.
H. Intrigue
The divorce papers and the waiter with the gun.
I. Mystery
Infidelity, manipulation and secrecy.
J. Cliffhanger
The male is left alone after everything has been taken away from him; his phone, his car and his wife.
K. Dilemma
The choice is for the character to sign the divorce papers or be killed.
L. Something unseen
The mistress.
- CHARACTER
A. Character changes radically.
Anna is elegant but then there’s qualities of a mob boss at the restuarant.
B. Betrayal.
Anna forgives Jason but at the same time is cutting him off.
C. Dilemma
Either Jason signs the divorce papers or Anna will have him killed.
D. Uncomfortable Moment
Jason unknowingly signed a prenuptial agreement while drunk when he and Anna married.
E. Misinterpretation
Anna calling a truce makes Jason think he has a second chance with her.
- DIALOGUE
A. Hook
Anna, a much older woman, is married to Jason, several years her junior.
B. Predictions
Jason ends up alone.
C. Creating a Future
There’s a possibility that Anna may hurt Jason further.
D. Anticipatory Dialogue
“Take care / See you around.”
Scene:
INT. UPSCALE CAFE – DAY
ANNA, an elegant yet sexy woman with cleavage, early 70s, sits at a private corner booth in a ritzy cafe. A WAITER brings an expensive bottle of champagne and fills Anna’s glass. The Waiter is about to walk off when…
ANNA
Fill the other glass too.
The Waiter fills the empty glass next to Anna’s and heads back to the kitchen. Anna waits. She taps her cell phone and sees the time reading 1:30pm.
JASON, mid 20s, sprints to the table. He’s in jeans, a t-shirt and baseball cap turned backwards. His arms are covered in tattoos. He plops next to Anna.
ANNA
I’ve been waiting since noon, Jason.
JASON
Traffic.
ANNA
You could’ve texted.
JASON
So what’s up, Anna, why did you invite me here?
ANNA
That was quite an argument we had the other night. I’d like to call a truce.
Jason’s phone CHIRPS. He pulls his phone out of his pocket and starts texting.
ANNA
Put that phone down and give me the respect that I’m entitled to.
Jason slowly puts the phone on the table and glares at Anna.
ANNA
As I was saying, I’d like to work this out.
JASON
So this means I can come back home now?
ANNA
I didn’t say that.
Jason grabs his phone and texts again.
ANNA
Jason, I said put that phone down now!
JASON
Don’t talk to me like I’m your son.
ANNA
Then stop acting like a son and be what you are… my husband.
JASON
Then let me come home. I’m your husband, right?
ANNA
Did you ask yourself that when you hooked up with that tramp at your friend’s ~frat party?
JASON
I’m out.
Jason gets up from the table.
ANNA
Sit down!
He remains standing.
ANNA
I said sit before I embarrass us both.
Jason sits.
JASON
I already apologized for that, Anna.
ANNA
And I accepted your apology.
Jason takes Anna’s hand.
JASON
Then what’s the problem?
Anna lets go of his hand.
ANNA
When I took our vows, I meant them.
JASON
So did I.
ANNA
Jason, you cheated.
JASON
I told you I was drunk.
ANNA
That doesn’t put icing on the cake.
JASON
But I –
ANNA
I didn’t come here to argue. I came to make amends.
Anna pulls out an envelope from her large handbag. She puts it on the table in front of Jason.
JASON
What’s this?
Anna takes a gulp of her champagne. Jason opens the envelope.
JASON
Divorce papers?
ANNA
And a copy of our prenuptial agreement.
Jason is confused.
JASON
I never signed a prenuptial agreement.
ANNA
Yes, you did.
JASON
No, I didn’t.
ANNA
Yes, you did. You just didn’t know it.
JASON
What?
ANNA
The night we got married in Vegas you signed some papers. You were drunk, but you signed them.
Jason sees his signature on the agreement. He’s pissed.
JASON
I thought you were calling a truce!
ANNA
I am. You’re forgiven. But I’m not stupid, Jason. I had to protect my assets.
JASON
This is bull –
ANNA
You can’t have your tramp and my money too. Doesn’t work that way, sweetheart. Hand over your phone.
JASON
I’m not giving you my phone.
ANNA
It’ll be cutting off in about four, three, two…
Jason’s phone shuts off.
JASON
What the –
ANNA
I cut off the service. It was in my name. And you may want to get a job to pay for your tuition.
JASON
I’m not signing these divorce papers!
The Waiter approaches the table and shows a gun tucked in the waist of his pants.
ANNA
You got two choices. You can sign or I’ll be a widow. What’ll it be?
Jason, startled, reluctantly signs the divorce papers. The Waiter goes back to the kitchen. A heavyset MAN sitting at the table a few feet away gets up and takes the envelope from Anna.
ANNA
All signed, Bob.
He nods and goes back to his table.
ANNA
Oh, I’m sorry. Where were my manners? That was Bob, my attorney. Key.
JASON
What?
ANNA
Key to my car. The car you’re driving that’s in my name.
Jason reaches in his pocket, pulls out a smart-key and gives it to Anna.
ANNA
No hard feelings, Jason. Hey, who are we fooling? We never really loved each other. You were seeking a mother figure with money. I was looking for a boy toy. We had our fun. Take care.
Anna leaves the cafe. The Waiter approaches. Jason grabs his champagne glass and is about to drink, but the Waiter takes his glass and goes back to the kitchen. Jason remains sitting with an expression of remorse and disbelief.
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What I learned doing this assignment was enhancing scenes with cover ups and reveals.
Logline: When two gang members plan to set up a rival for taking out their beloved gang leader, they learn that the one they’re really trying to set up is each other.
INT. SAFE HOUSE, LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
The living room is dark. The only light is from a lamp across the room giving off low light.
It is raining. Pimp Solo and the Rival sit in silence at the table. Pimp Solo aims a gun at the Rival and keeps a close eye on him. Slice enters the room.
PIMP SOLO
(to Slice)
I searched him. He’s clean.
Slice sits at the table across from the Rival. Rain taps on the windows as thunder pounds.
SLICE
I say we call a truce. Dollar Dan, your homies in those projects, my cousin Trigg, your daughter’s birthday party… we’re even now.
RIVAL
Then let me go. No payback from the birthday party shoot-out.
SLICE
Deal.
The Rival gets up and heads to the door. Slice reaches in the back of his pants, pulls out a gun and aims it at the Rival. The Rival stops in his tracks and turns around pointing a gun at Slice. Suddenly Pimp Solo puts his gun at Slice’s head. Slice freezes.
SLICE
This ain’t part of the plan, Pimp.
PIMP SOLO
I run the block now, Slice. Yo, Double R, blast!
The Rival cocks his gun.
PIMP SOLO
I said BLAST!
The Rival doesn’t shoot.
SLICE
He’s waiting on my command.
PIMP SOLO is confused.
SLICE
He works for me now. All I have to do is signal and he’ll blow your head off. What, you thought I’d let you get away with taking out my cousin Trigger T? Our leader?
PIMP SOLO
I didn’t kill Trigg –
SLICE
But you paid this guy to do it. You wanted Trigg’s place. Now you want mine, but I’m not gonna let you take it.
Slice makes a signal with his hand. PIMP SOLO flinches. The Rival leaves.
PIMP SOLO
What’s goin’ on?
SLICE
I’m out this gang. Gonna change my life for the love of my son. Gonna do the right thing. I’m not gonna kill you, Pimp. You’ll be haunted by what you did to Trigg for the rest of your life. That alone is like a slow death in itself.
SLICE puts his gun on the nearby table and leaves. Pimp Solo thinks about what he said. He fearfully looks around as the thunder pounds.
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What I learned the most about this assignment is exactly this assignment itself. It allowed me to look deeper into my characters to create more dramatic scenes.
Characters:
Robert: quiet, mysterious, caring, successful
Trent: watchful, cunning, vocal, sly
Renee: expressive, bold, sophisticated, funny
Maxine: introverted, shy, angry, withdrawn
Rapport: With Robert’s mystery and Trent’s ability to be sly, they can plan an outcome together or plot against an enemy of theirs together to creat rapport.
Conflict and Contrast: Renee’s boldness can bump heads with Maxine’s ability to be withdrawn.
Competition: Robert’s success in life can make Trent feel inferior to where he uses his cunningness to compete with Robert.
Subtext: Maxine’s withdrawal during an argument can cause subtext with Renee’s boldness.
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LOGLINE: A young woman finds out her sister betrayed her by not keeping her racial identity a secret.
ESSENCE: A woman is ashamed of her true racial identity in 1925 Louisiana.
TRAIT I CHANGED: Renee’s character, outgoing to understanding.
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
1925, New Orleans. The living room is beautifully furnished. Maxine, mid 20s, beautiful and nicely dressed, holds an infant and puts the baby in a nearby crib. There’s a KNOCK at the front door. Maxine excitingly opens the door.
RENEE, late 20s, sharply dressed and attractive, prances in the living room with no smile.
MAXINE
Renee, what a surprise! You came all the way from Brooklyn to see the baby! I’m so glad you’re here!
Maxine excitingly hugs Renee, but Renee doesn’t hug her back.
RENEE
So where is it?
MAXINE
That it is your nephew. He’s right over there. A month old today.
Renee slowly walks over to the crib, glances at the baby and glares at Maxine.
MAXINE
Hearing congratulations would be nice. This is my first child.
RENEE
Don’t have any more.
MAXINE
The amount of kids David and I decide to have will be our business, not yours.
Renee sits on the couch. She picks lint off of the pillow.
RENEE
What will you do, Maxine?
MAXINE
What do you mean?
RENEE
You know darn well what I mean.
MAXINE
No, I don’t and frankly I don’t care.
RENEE
What will you do when that baby gets darker?
MAXINE
Renee, I don’t want to hear –
RENEE
What will you do when David finds out his son is a –
MAXINE
Shut up! My baby is white!
RENEE
Oh, really? Well, what are you, Maxine?
Maxine looks away.
MAXINE
I’m your sister.
RENEE
HALF sister. I’m not the one with the colored daddy.
MAXINE
Look at me! I’m not colored!
RENEE
Yeah, you’re light, bright and darn near white, but hasn’t David asked why your hair changes when it’s wet?
MAXINE
David has never seen my hair wet.
Renee gives her a look.
MAXINE
Unlike you and Charles, David and I don’t bathe together.
RENEE
What about when you’re making love? I’m sure it gets all kinky from the sweat.
MAXINE
He’s never seen it, Renee. We only make love in the dark and when we’re finished, he falls right to sleep. That’s when I sneak to the kitchen, grab the hot comb and straighten it.
RENEE
That baby will be blacker than the coal in my stove. Your little secret will come out soon.
MAXINE
Never.
RENEE
Maxine, your son is black!
MAXINE
(beginning to cry)
David is white. I’m half white. Our baby is white and he’s perfect.
Maxine picks the baby up and holds him.
RENEE
Stop fooling yourself. Your daddy was as black as my shoe. It’s just a matter of time before that baby –
MAXINE
Just keep your promise to me.
Renee gets up and heads to the door.
MAXINE
Did you hear me?
Renee stops in her tracks. She looks at Maxine with remorse.
MAXINE
No… you didn’t… please say you didn’t…
RENEE
I only told Charles. He promised not to say anything.
Maxine puts the baby back in the crib. She’s distraught.
MAXINE
You told Charles I’m black?!
RENEE
Max, he asked me…
MAXINE
You could’ve lied!
RENEE
He asked me that time we all went to the beach together! Even though you had on long sleeves and pants your hands got tanned and he noticed!
MAXINE
I can’t believe you told him!
RENEE
He noticed, Max. And he notices mother treats you differently than she treats me.
MAXINE
I trusted you all these years. You promised. Now your husband will tell mine. I’ll lose David because of you! Do you know what will happen if I no longer pass? I won’t have a pot to piss in! I’ll have to struggle like some colored maid and take care of a child on my own! How dare you!
RENEE
Charles won’t tell, Max.
MAXINE
How do you know that?!
Renee clams up.
MAXINE
HOW DO YOU KNOW?
RENEE
Because Charles is… is…
MAXINE
Charles is what?!
RENEE
A quadroon. Promise me you won’t tell anyone.
Maxine is speechless and shocked. Renee quickly leaves and slams the door behind her. The baby begins to cry as Maxine remains standing in disbelief.
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Essence/Logline: A former couple at odds try to work together as they deal with their unresolved feelings for one another.
INT. BAKERY, KITCHEN – DAY
The large well-stocked kitchen is full of modern equipment and appliances.
NANCY, early 30s and attractive, wears a chef’s hat and apron as she sets ingredients on the table.
SQUIRE, early 30s and handsome, confidently strides in and sees Nancy. He pauses, smirks and struts to her. She’s in deep concentration studying a recipe.
SQUIRE
Of all the kitchens, in all the towns, in all the world… she’s right in front of me.
Startled, Nancy looks up and sees him. She’s disgusted.
NANCY
No…
SQUIRE
Oh, yeah.
NANCY
No…
SQUIRE
We’re partners.
Nancy heads to the door.
NANCY
I’ll tell Mr. Chey he made –
SQUIRE
No mistake. He randomly paired us up to make the souffle for the new food critic of Love It or Barf It Magazine.
Nancy reluctantly goes back to the recipe.
NANCY
Lucky me.
SQUIRE
You read the recipe. I’ll mix.
NANCY
I’m putting my own spin on it.
SQUIRE
Bad idea, Nancy.
NANCY
Shut up, Squire. You were the one who burned that creme brulee last year.
SQUIRE
Who turned up the heat when I wasn’t looking?
Nancy looks away.
SQUIRE
Right.
NANCY
That was a mistake.
SQUIRE
That was a scheme to mess up my desert when we were competing in that cooking contest. We both know who should’ve won. I never should’ve trusted you to turn up the heat.
NANCY
Two cups sugar.
Squire gets the sugar, measures and dumps it in a bowl.
NANCY
Four egg whites.
Squire gets the eggs.
SQUIRE
So why didn’t you call me back last week?
NANCY
I was busy. Stick of butter.
Squire gets the butter.
SQUIRE
Not too busy to meet with Brad.
NANCY
What are you talking about? I wasn’t with Brad.
SQUIRE
He told me you went to dinner with him.
NANCY
And?
SQUIRE
You seeing him?
NANCY
Chocolate, chopped.
Squire gets a block of chocolate and begins cutting it.
NANCY
He knows the owner of a new cafe that’s looking for a chef. I wanted to give him my resume.
SQUIRE
I should’ve known.
NANCY
Should’ve known what?
SQUIRE
It’s always for YOUR benefit, isn’t it?
NANCY
Vanilla extract. Two teaspoons. Who I have dinner with is no longer your business. We broke up, remember?
SQUIRE
As I reflect on your words, it’s not you, it’s my career… makes it hard to forget.
Squire gets the vanilla extract.
NANCY
You know, you’re like vegetable lasagna. Complicated and mushy.
SQUIRE
And you’re like steak tartare. Cold and tasteless.
NANCY
Make the souffle yourself!
SQUIRE
Fine!
Squire snatches the recipe and does it himself. Nancy grabs a piece of chocolate and eats. Squire laughs.
NANCY
What?!
SQUIRE
Still eat chocolate during an argument, huh.
Nancy smiles. She glances at the oven.
NANCY
You forgot to turn on the oven, as usual.
Squire turns it on.
NANCY
Not hot enough. I’ll turn up –
SQUIRE
Oh, no, you don’t. I’ll turn up the heat.
NANCY
What, you don’t trust me to turn up the heat?
SQUIRE
I trusted you before and paid a price.
Nancy turns up the oven and winks at him as Squire pours the mixed contents in a baking dish.
NANCY
The heat is turned up.
Squire moves closer to Nancy. They lean into one another as though they’ll kiss.
SQUIRE
Yes, it is.
He grabs a piece of chocolate and feeds it to her. He puts the souffle in the oven. They watch it.
SQUIRE
This is the fun part.
NANCY
Watching the souffle rise.
SQUIRE
Like our relationship?
NANCY
It would deflate. It already has.
SQUIRE
We can re-bake it like we did that apple pie last year. And that apple pie was good.
NANCY
You’re too cocky. All you care about is being top chef.
SQUIRE
No, all YOU care about is being top chef. All I care about is you. Look… the souffle is rising. That’s a good omen, right?
Nancy and Squire look at the souffle rising. Suddenly it deflates. Nancy kisses him and leaves the kitchen. MR. CHEY, late 50s and in business suit, frantically rushes in the kitchen.
MR. CHEY
The food critic is here! He wants to taste the souffle now! My bakery is on the line! Where’s the souffle?!
Squire pulls the deflated souffle out of the oven and notices the oven temperature reads, “500 DEGREES.” Mr. Chey is devastated.
MR. CHEY
Oh, no! What did you do?!
SQUIRE
I trusted her to turn up the heat.
-
LOGLINE: A former couple at odds get paired together to make a souffle for a food critic.
ESSENCE: Distrust stands in the way of a former couple that compete against each other yet love each other at the same time.
INT. BAKERY KITCHEN – DAY
The kitchen is large, well-stocked and full of modern equipment and appliances.
NANCY, early 30s and attractive, wears a chef’s hat and apron as she sets ingredients on the table.
SQUIRE, early 30s and handsome, walks in and sees Nancy. He pauses, smirks and struts to her. She’s in deep concentration studying a recipe.
SQUIRE
Fancy meeting you here.
Startled, Nancy looks up and sees him. She’s disgusted.
NANCY
No…
SQUIRE
Yes!
NANCY
No…
SQUIRE
We’re partners.
Nancy heads to the door.
NANCY
Let me go talk to Mr. Chey and tell him –
SQUIRE
It’s not a mistake. He randomly paired us up to make the souffle for the new food critic of Love It or Barf It Magazine.
Nancy reluctantly goes back to the recipe.
SQUIRE
You read the recipe. I’ll mix.
NANCY
I’m putting my own spin on it.
SQUIRE
Bad idea.
NANCY
Shut up, Squire. You were the one who burned that creme brule last year.
SQUIRE
Who turned up the heat when I wasn’t looking, Nancy?
Nancy looks away.
NANCY
That was a mistake.
SQUIRE
That was a scheme to mess up my desert when we were competing in that contest. We both know who really should have won. I shouldn’t have trusted you to turn up the heat.
NANCY
Two cups sugar.
Squire gets the sugar, measures and dumps it in a bowl.
NANCY
Four egg whites.
Squire gets the eggs.
SQUIRE
So why didn’t you call me back last weekend?
NANCY
I was busy. Stick of butter.
Squire gets the butter.
SQUIRE
Not too busy to meet with Brad.
NANCY
I wasn’t with Brad.
SQUIRE
He told me you both went to dinner.
NANCY
And?
SQUIRE
You seeing him?
NANCY
Chocolate, chopped.
Squire gets a block of chocolate and begins cutting it.
NANCY
He knows the owner of a new cafe that’s looking for a chef.
SQUIRE
I should’ve known.
NANCY
Known what, Squire?
SQUIRE
It’s always for YOUR benefit, isn’t it?
NANCY
Two teaspoons of vanilla extract. Who I have dinner with is no longer your business. We broke up, remember?
SQUIRE
It’s hard to forget.
NANCY
You’re like vegetable lasagna. Too complicated and mushy.
SQUIRE
And you’re like steak tartare. Too cold and tasteless.
NANCY
Make the souffle yourself!
SQUIRE
Fine!
Squire snatches the recipe and does it himself. Nancy grabs a piece of chocolate and eats. Squire laughs.
NANCY
What?!
SQUIRE
You haven’t changed. Still eating chocolate during an argument.
Nancy smiles.
NANCY
You forgot to turn on the oven.
Squire turns it on.
NANCY
Not hot enough. I’ll turn up –
SQUIRE
No. I’ll turn up the heat.
NANCY
You don’t trust me to turn up the heat?
SQUIRE
Should I?
Nancy turns up the oven and smiles as Squire pours the mixed contents in the bowl.
NANCY
The heat is turned up.
Squire moves closer to Nancy. They lean into one another as though they’ll kiss.
SQUIRE
Yes, it is.
He grabs a piece of chocolate and feeds it to her. He puts the souffle in the oven. They watch it.
SQUIRE
This is the fun part.
NANCY
Watching it rise?
SQUIRE
Like our relationship?
NANCY
It would deflate.
SQUIRE
Why do you say that?
NANCY
It has before. You’re too cocky. All you care about is being top chef.
SQUIRE
No, that’s what YOU care about. All I care about is you. Look, it’s rising. That’s a good omen, right?
Nancy and Squire look at the souffle rising. Suddenly it deflates. Nancy kisses him on the cheek and leaves the kitchen. Seconds later MR. CHEY, late 50s and in a suit, frantically rushes in the kitchen.
MR. CHEY
The food critic is here! My bakery is on the line! He wants to taste the souffle! Where’s the souffle!
Squire pulls the deflated souffle out of the oven. It looks terrible. He notices the oven temperature reads, “500 DEGREES.” Squire smirks.
MR. CHEY
Oh, no! What did you do?!
SQUIRE
I trusted her to turn up the heat.
-
Danielle Max Interest 2
What I learned improving my writing is trying to apply these techniques to every scene I write.
Select the scene from your script that needs help and give us a logline for that scene.
While Dennis is out with his friends, Tina puts his belongings out of her apartment and on to the street to let him know it’s over between them.
Tell us the essence of the scene. Tina is breaking up with Dennis so she can move on with another man she met online.
Tell us at least two (more if you can) interest techniques for the rewrite.
Hook: Tina’s son is excited about going to the fair with Dennis but sees Tina packing his belongings at the time they’re supposed to go to the fair.
Something Unseen: We never see Dennis, but we hear his reaction to the breakup as he shouts from outside the door.
LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Tina stands at the door watching Dennis through the peek-hole.
TINA
Get out of here, Dennis!
COREY
Dennis!
DENNIS
Corey, open the door, little man! I came to take you to the fair!
Corey is about to open the door when Tina gets in his way.
TINA
Go to your room, Corey.
COREY
But –
TINA
Now!
Corey backs away. Lacey stands at his side.
TINA
It’s over, Dennis, just go!
DENNIS
Come on, let’s talk!
TINA
What’s to talk about? You got drunk, you left, you didn’t come home! It’s the fourth night this week!
DENNIS
I was with Rick and Tony, you know that!
TINA
Then why didn’t you answer your phone when I called?!
Dennis KICKS the door.
DENNIS
OPEN THE DOOR! GOT MY STUFF ALL OUT HERE ON THE STREET! WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?!
TINA
I’m calling the cops!
DENNIS
Call them then!
Tina signals her kids to be quiet.
TINA
Yeah, 911?! Get an officer here now! My ex is harassing me and my kids! Fifty-six Marty Street, number three! I think he’s got a gun!
Tina silently laughs. Dennis KICKS the door again. Lacey and Corey get a little scared. Silence. Seconds later a car SKIDS off in the bg. Tina looks through the peek-hole.
TINA
He’s gone.
LACEY
Finally.
TINA
You wanted to know what he did, now you know. He drinks too much.
LACEY
Is that why he was always sleeping on the couch?
TINA
Yeah.
Tina notices Corey’s sad face.
TINA
Cheer up, Cor, want some ice cream?
Corey nods. Tina heads to the kitchen and her tablet CHIRPS. She goes to it and sees a message sent from a man on the dating website. She smiles.
LACEY
(disgusted)
Who’s that?
Tina ignores her and begins chatting on-line.
LACEY
Who are you talking to?
TINA
Pay my bills then ask me who I’m talking to, Lacey. In case you forgot I’m the grown-up around here. Now get your brother some ice cream.
Lacey rolls her eyes, opens the freezer and grabs the ice cream. Tina resumes chatting online.
End Scene.
-
Challenging situations:
What I learned doing this assignment was making my protagonist have more challenges in the following two scenes.
Scene 1
A. Current Scene Log Line
Tina has a blind date with an engineer she met on a dating website and hopes to have a chance with him.
B. Essence
Tina is trying to replace her former boyfriend with a successful engineer.
C. Challenges
When the date asks Tina what she’s looking for in a relationship, Tina’s responses are on the surface and lack depth, causing him to think she really doesn’t know what she’s looking for.
When the date asks hypothetical relationship questions, Tina’s responses reflect selfishness and gold-digging tendencies.
Tina doesn’t ask the date what he’s looking for in a relationship, she doesn’t seem to care. Her responses sound rehearsed and lack depth.
The date says he doesn’t think they’re a match and Tina doesn’t understand why yet. She feels she’s a great catch, but her date says he can sense her desperation, her hunger for material things and her loneliness.
Scene 2
A. Current Scene Logline
Tina is smitten with the attractiveness of Barry.
B. Essence
Tina thinks Barry might be a good catch, but she doesn’t notice that he’s actually checking out the little girls among them.
C. Challenges
Barry is asked by Tina why he is hanging around the Sunday School area. Barry lies and says he is the uncle of one of the little girls, yet he struggles with remembering her name. He says the right name when he hears a kid call her name and says he’s having a “senior moment.”
When Tina asks for his cell phone to put her number in it, he has to quickly stop secretly recording the little girls prior giving her his phone before she notices that he’s recording.
When new visitors are greeted in the church, Tina introduces Barry to the congregation and is almost about to announce that he’s the uncle of one of the girls in the Sunday School area, but Barry stops her in front of everyone, causing them, and Tina, to wonder what the problem is.
-
What I learned doing this assignment was making the elements of my characters stronger
3 characters:
Lacey Brooks
Description: Layla is a sweet 11-year-old girl that always looks out for her little brother
Traits: Protective, caring, sarcastic, intelligent
Subtext: Layla has a hard exterior but she’s fragile on the inside
Slice
Description: Slice is a selfish gangster that could care less about his son
Traits: Cold, brash, violent, cunning
Subtext: Slice has a girlfriend and kids, but his heart is with his fellow gang members
Joy Brooks
Description: Joy is an early 50s grandmother who cares deeply about her grandchildren
Traits: Funny, loving, brash, outspoken
Subtext: She puts her own life on hold to keep herself available to her grandchildren
Revision
Lacey Brooks
Description: Lacey is a streetwise 11-year-old girl that studies her mother’s dysfunctional romantic relationships
Traits: Hip, watchful, streetwise, protective
Subtext: Lacey looks out for her little brother so he, and she, don’t get attached to their mother’s short-term boyfriends and long for a dad they don’t have
Slice
Description: Slice is a ruthless gangster that genuinely loves his son
Traits: Fun, spontaneous, violent, generous, dishonest, caring
Subtext: Slice has to keep a tough image to rival gang members and try to represent a positive role model to his son
Joy Brooks
Description: Joy is a spiritual woman who can’t forgive herself for neglecting her daughter years ago
Traits: Sarcastic, loving, strict, adventurous, self-condemning
Subtext: Joy is overly there for her grandchildren and puts her life on hold for them when she’s really making up for lost time with her own daughter
-
LOGLINE: When time travel goes wrong, a man is desperate to rescue his fiancée and discover how to get back to 2023 after she gets kidnapped by an ancient Egyptian pharaoh.
ESSENCE: A man tries to get revenge on his best friend by trapping him in ancient Egypt after time travel.
EXT. PHARAOH MATUSE’S PALACE – NIGHT
Ancient Egypt. The ornate palace is lit by several flaming torches. SERVANTS tend to the eye-catching QUEEN and CONCUBINES.
JOHN, male and early 30s, holds hands with SHAYLA, early 30s female and beautiful, as they run for their lives from Pharaoh’s GUARDS who chase them on horse-drawn chariots. John and Shayla are in modern day attire. Running in front of John and Shayla is NICK, early 30s, and also in modern day attire.
JOHN
Get us outta here, Nick! NICK!
Nick runs faster and hides behind a statue. Arrows fly past John. Shayla trips over a stone and falls to the ground. As John tries to help her up GUARDS get off of the chariots and put their bows and arrows in his face. John freezes.
PHARAOH MATUSE, very royal and early 30’s, approaches on a chariot. He steps down, grabs Shayla and carries her to his chariot. He kisses her as they ride off. Shayla reaches out to John.
SHAYLA
John… John!
John tries to go to her, but a Guard knocks him face down to the ground. All Guards get on their chariots and ride away. John gets up and spits the sand out of his mouth. Nick comes out from behind the statue.
JOHN
How do we get back to 2023?!
NICK
You were the one who wanted to come here. I told you the consequences of time travel. I told you not to bring Shayla –
JOHN
Save the ‘I told you so speech’ and get us back to 2023!
NICK
It’s not that easy, John.
JOHN
You said we could get back anytime!
Nick looks away.
JOHN
What?
NICK
Uh…
JOHN
WHAT?!
NICK
Getting back to our time period is a secret.
JOHN
How much weed have you smoked, Nick?! We can’t waste time! Pharaoh Matuse just kidnapped Shayla! He could kill her!
NICK
He’s not gonna kill her. He’s gonna make her one of his concubines.
JOHN
She’s MY fiancée, Nick! Just tell me how to get back to 2023 so I can come up with a plan to rescue to her.
NICK
I’m not telling you.
JOHN
Don’t joke around!
NICK
You don’t understand. I’m going back to 2023. You’re staying here.
JOHN
Very funny. Now tell me how to get back.
NICK
I’ll tell you, but it’ll cost you.
JOHN
What are you talking about?!
NICK
You wanna get outta here? It’ll cost you big time.
JOHN
What the hell, Nick? We’re best friends!
NICK
Shayla.
JOHN
What?
NICK
You wanna get back to 2023? It’ll cost you Shayla. You owe me, remember?
JOHN
Owe you what?!
NICK
Jennifer Cordell.
JOHN
What does she have to do with –
NICK
You stole her from me.
JOHN
Nick… you seriously need to get a life, man. That was almost twenty years ago. We were in college. Jennifer, your so-called girlfriend, came on to me. I told you a million times.
NICK
You knew I loved her. You slept with her anyway.
JOHN
Jennifer didn’t love you, Nick. Hell, you two weren’t even a couple!
Nick gets in John’s face.
NICK
We’ll call it even. You stole Jennifer. Now I’m gonna be the hero to rescue Shayla and take her back to 2023 with me. She and I will be together while you’re trapped here in the eighteenth dynasty running from Pharaoh Matuse for the rest of your sorry life!
John jumps on him and starts swinging. Nick fights back. They rumble. It’s brutal. John finally knocks Nick out. John sees a strange gadget fall out of Nick’s pocket that looks like a sun dial. There’s numbers and letters on it reading, 50BC, 15AD, 1875, 1959, 1992, 2000 and 2023. John moves the dial to 2023 then modern-day SPECTATORS and TOURIST in a museum slowly appear around him. He’s in an ancient Egyptian exhibit as they admire an elaborate mask of Pharaoh Matuse displayed next to him. He notices a large ancient bust of Shayla’s face made of gold. A sign next to the bust reads FAVORITE CONCUBINE OF PHARAOH MATUSE. John sobs.
END SCENE.
-
Danielle’s rewritten scene:
INT. BANQUET HALL – NIGHT
The banquet hall is lavishly decorated with formally dressed COUPLES sitting at dinner tables. SERVERS dart from table to table serving food.
In the middle of the room is a stage with a podium. A bright banner hangs across the stage reading, “CARRINGTON FOSTER CARE AWARDS.”
A CHILDREN’S CHOIR finishes a song on stage. Everyone APPLAUDS. An older WOMAN, in a beautiful evening gown, approaches the podium.
WOMAN
Let’s hear it again for the Children’s Choir of Carrington Foster Care!
Everyone APPLAUDS again.
WOMAN
And tonight, we honor the man who made this gala possible. Because of his generous donations exceeding ten million dollars, the foster care can stay open and increase the chances of these children getting adopted. And the older kids aging out of the system have a home at the foster care for as long as they need. Ladies and gentlemen, we present the Carrington Foster Care Award to philanthropist, Robert Monte!
A spotlight shines on ROBERT, early 40s, dashing in a tux, sitting at a table next to NATASHA, a beautiful early 40s WOMAN. He kisses her and heads to the podium. Everyone gives a standing ovation. One of the kids gives him an elaborate plaque.
ROBERT
I’m a man of few words but thank you. I’m honored.
Robert steps down from the podium. Everyone claps. As Robert heads back to his table, he freezes when he sees TRENT, an early 20s male in jeans and a hoodie, standing at the doorway to the lobby. Robert gives the award to Natasha.
ROBERT
(in Natasha’s ear)
I’ll be right back.
Natasha nods. Robert goes to Trent as the gala continues.
ROBERT
What are you doing here?
TRENT
Come and find out.
Trent heads to a secluded room down the hall. Robert follows.
DARK ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Trent opens the door for Robert that leads to a dark room.
TRENT
After you.
ROBERT
No, after you.
TRENT
I insist.
Robert reluctantly enters the room. Trent follows and closes the door behind him. Darkness. A loud PUNCH is heard followed by the sound of items falling to the floor. Robert moans with pain.
Trent lights a cigarette lighter and we see his grinning face. He turns on the light switch and lights a cigarette. Robert is on the floor with a bloody nose. A table and chairs are turned over on the floor next to him.
Trent puts his cigarette out on the bottom of his shoe and flicks the cigarette butt at Robert.
Robert slowly gets up and wipes his nose with his handkerchief.
ROBERT
I see you haven’t lost your touch.
TRENT
Just my way of saying congratulations on your little award.
ROBERT
You’ll hear from my lawyer –
TRENT
And you’ll hear from your wife’s lawyer when she slaps you with a divorce.
ROBERT
(confused)
What?
Trent reaches in his pocket and pulls out his cell phone. He shows a video of Robert coming out of a hotel room with a teenage girl.
ROBERT
That’s not what it looks like.
TRENT
Is that the excuse you prepared for your wife?
ROBERT
I don’t need excuses for Natasha. She knows what kind of man I am.
TRENT
So, you don’t mind if I text her this video then.
Robert charges to Trent and tries to grab his phone. The phone drops on the floor. Trent kicks it across the room. As Robert sprints to the phone Trent grabs him and they tussle. Robert punches Trent causing him to fall to the floor.
Robert rushes to the phone and grabs it. He tries to delete the video but sees that a code is needed to unlock the phone.
ROBERT
What is the code?!
Trent gets up from the floor and laughs.
ROBERT
GIVE ME THE CODE!
Trent lights another cigarette and smokes. Robert throws the phone on the floor causing it to break. Robert stomps on it breaking it more.
ROBERT
I guess you won’t be texting my wife now. Nice try.
Robert heads to the door. Trent reaches in the back of his pants, pulls out a tablet and plays the video.
TRENT
An encore.
Robert turns and sees the same video on Trent’s tablet.
TRENT
What will you do when I show all those people at the gala that you were with this underage girl in a hotel room? This girl stays at the very foster care you donated millions to.
ROBERT
That’s right. I would tell them the truth.
TRENT
Then let’s go, Robert. Let’s go tell everyone, including your wife, the truth.
Trent heads to the door.
ROBERT
Trent, wait. I promised that girl I wouldn’t tell.
TRENT
(snickering)
I’m sure you did.
ROBERT
That girl met these fake parents online who said they’d adopt her. She ran away from the foster care to meet them at that hotel. When she was missing the owner of the foster care called the police and reached out to me for help. Long story short we found her. And the so-called parents were really a man who tried to kidnap her. He’s now in custody.
TRENT
Prove it. It’s just you and that girl in this video.
ROBERT
The cops have this same video on surveillance, man. What’s missing from your footage is the cops escorting that creep out of the room in handcuffs.
TRENT
I can still take you down with this. I’ll go to the press. I’ll go the tabloids –
ROBERT
You always had a flair for gossip. Do what you have to do.
Robert heads to the door again.
TRENT
Pay me and I won’t.
Robert stops.
ROBERT
Why are you doing this?
A tear rolls down Trent’s face.
TRENT
I guess I have to go this far to get your attention.
ROBERT
You don’t want my attention. I reach out. You pull away.
TRENT
You’re there for all those foster kids. But you’re never there for me. And what about that time I was in foster care? Did you do anything about it? No!
ROBERT
How can I make it right?
TRENT
Like I said, pay me… and I’ll go away for good.
ROBERT
Is that what you really want?
Trent inhales the cigarette and blows smoke in Robert’s face. Robert reaches in his pocket, pulls out his wallet and gives Trent his black card.
ROBERT
Take it. And know it was Sharon, your mother, who kept me away from you. She was the reason you were in foster care. And I admit I wasn’t perfect either back then. Just know that I’m here for you now even if you don’t want me to be. Goodbye, son.
Robert leaves. Trent thinks. He puts out his cigarette on the bottom of his shoe and flicks the butt. He wipes his tears. He puts the black card in his pocket.
TRENT
Goodbye, dad.
Trent sprints out of the room.
-
QE Cycle #1 by Danielle
INT. BANQUET HALL – NIGHT
The banquet hall is lavishly decorated with formally dressed COUPLES sitting at dinner tables. SERVERS dart from table to table serving food.
In the middle of the room is a stage with a podium. A bright banner hangs across the stage reading, “CARRINGTON FOSTER CARE AWARDS.”
A CHILDREN’S CHOIR finishes a song on stage. Everyone APPLAUDS. An older WOMAN, in a beautiful evening gown, approaches the podium.
WOMAN
Let’s hear it again for the Children’s Choir of Carrington Foster Care!
Everyone APPLAUDS again.
WOMAN
And tonight, we honor the man who made this gala possible. Because of his generous donations exceeding ten million dollars, the foster care can stay open and increase the chances of these children getting adopted. And the older kids aging out of the system have a home at the foster care for as long as they need. Ladies and gentlemen, we present the Carrington Foster Care Award to philanthropist, Robert Monte!
A spotlight shines on ROBERT, early 40s, dashing in a tux, sitting at a table next to NATASHA, a beautiful early 40s WOMAN. He kisses her and heads to the podium. Everyone gives a standing ovation. One of the kids gives him an elaborate plaque.
ROBERT
I’m a man of few words but thank you. I’m honored.
Robert steps down from the podium. Everyone claps. As Robert heads back to his table, he freezes when he sees TRENT, an early 20s male in jeans and a hoodie, standing at the doorway to the lobby. Robert gives the award to Natasha.
ROBERT
(in Natasha’s ear)
I’ll be right back.
Natasha nods. Robert goes to Trent as the gala continues.
ROBERT
What are you doing here?
TRENT
Come and find out.
Trent heads to a secluded room down the hall. Robert follows.
DARK ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Trent opens the door for Robert that leads to a dark room.
TRENT
After you.
ROBERT
No, after you.
TRENT
I insist.
Robert reluctantly enters the room. Trent follows and closes the door behind him. Darkness. A loud PUNCH is heard followed by the sound of items falling to the floor. Robert moans with pain.
Trent lights a cigarette lighter and we see his grinning face. He turns on the light switch and lights a cigarette. Robert is on the floor with a bloody nose. A table and chairs are turned over on the floor next to him.
Trent puts his cigarette out on the bottom of his shoe and flicks the cigarette butt at Robert.
Robert slowly gets up and wipes his nose with his handkerchief.
ROBERT
I see you haven’t lost your touch.
TRENT
Just my way of saying congratulations on your little award.
ROBERT
You’ll hear from my lawyer –
TRENT
And you’ll hear from your wife’s lawyer when she slaps you with a divorce.
ROBERT
(confused)
What?
Trent reaches in his pocket and pulls out his cell phone. He shows a video of Robert coming out of a hotel room with a teenage girl.
ROBERT
That’s not what it looks like.
TRENT
Is that the excuse you prepared for your wife?
ROBERT
I don’t need excuses for Natasha. She knows what kind of man I am.
TRENT
So, you don’t mind if I text her this video then.
Robert charges to Trent and tries to grab his phone. The phone drops on the floor. Trent kicks it across the room. As Robert sprints to the phone Trent grabs him and they tussle. Robert punches Trent causing him to fall to the floor.
Robert rushes to the phone and grabs it. He tries to delete the video but sees that a code is needed to unlock the phone.
ROBERT
What is the code?!
Trent gets up from the floor and laughs.
ROBERT
GIVE ME THE CODE!
Trent lights another cigarette and smokes. Robert throws the phone on the floor causing it to break. Robert stomps on it breaking it more.
ROBERT
I guess you won’t be texting my wife now. Nice try.
Robert heads to the door. Trent reaches in the back of his pants, pulls out a tablet and plays the video.
TRENT
An encore.
Robert turns and sees the same video on Trent’s tablet.
TRENT
What will you do when I show all those people at the gala that you were with this underage girl in a hotel room? This girl stays at the very foster care you donated millions to.
ROBERT
That’s right. I would tell them the truth.
TRENT
Then let’s go, Robert. Let’s go tell everyone, including your wife, the truth.
Trent heads to the door.
ROBERT
Trent, wait. I promised that girl I wouldn’t tell.
TRENT
(snickering)
I’m sure you did.
ROBERT
That girl met these fake parents online who said they’d adopt her. She ran away from the foster care to meet them at that hotel. When she was missing the owner of the foster care called the police and reached out to me for help. Long story short we found her. And the so-called parents were really a man who tried to kidnap her. He’s now in custody.
TRENT
Prove it. It’s just you and that girl in this video.
ROBERT
The cops have this same video on surveillance, man. What’s missing from your footage is the cops escorting that creep out of the room in handcuffs.
TRENT
I can still take you down with this. I’ll go to the press. I’ll go the tabloids –
ROBERT
You always had a flair for gossip. Do what you have to do.
Robert heads to the door again.
TRENT
Pay me and I won’t.
Robert stops.
ROBERT
Why are you doing this?
A tear rolls down Trent’s face.
TRENT
I guess I have to go this far to get your attention.
ROBERT
You don’t want my attention. I reach out. You push away.
TRENT
You’re there for all those foster kids. But you’re never there for me.
ROBERT
We can change that.
TRENT
It’s too late.
ROBERT
It’s never too late.
TRENT
Just pay me and I’ll go away.
ROBERT
Is that what you really want?
Trent inhales the cigarette and blows smoke in Robert’s face.
TRENT
What do you think?
Robert reaches in his pocket, pulls out his wallet and gives Trent his black card.
ROBERT
You can have it… just know that it was Sharon, your mother, that kept me away from you. I wasn’t perfect years ago. I admit that. If you change your mind, I’m here. Goodbye, son.
Robert leaves. Trent thinks. He puts out his cigarette on the bottom of his shoe and flicks the butt. He wipes his tears. He puts the black card in his pocket.
TRENT
Goodbye, dad.
Trent sprints out of the room.
END SCENE.
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What I learned from this assignment is enhancing this scene.
Select the scene from your script that needs help – Tina uses guilt tactics on her mother, Joy, to babysit her kids at the last minute in order to go on a blind date.
Logline: Tina tries to interrupt her mom’s plans by using guilt tactics to force her into babysitting.
Essence: Tina is really telling her mother that she left her alone with various babysitters when she was a kid while she was out with different men.
Twist: I originally had Joy give in to Tina after her comment, cancel her trip to Vegas and babysit the kids, but I decided to create a twist and have her not babysit.
EXT. JOY’S HOUSE – MOMENTS LATER
Tina, driving a nice convertible with Lacey and Corey in the back seat, pulls up in front of a modest single-story house.
LACEY
Why are we at Grandma’s?
Tina doesn’t answer as she’s busy reading texts on her phone.
LACEY
Mom…
TINA
Change of plan. Come on.
Tina gets out of the car. Lacey gives Corey a look. He shrugs his shoulders. They get out of the car.
Just as they head to the front door, it opens and JOY, an early 50s woman in jeans, sunglasses and a hoddie, carrying a suitcase, is about to walk out of the door. She freezes when she sees Tina and the kids.
JOY
Heck no.
Joy rolls her suitcase to the curb and waits.
TINA
What do you mean, no?
JOY
N to the O. I ain’t babysitting. Pam is on her way, and we headed to that women’s conference out in Vegas.
TINA
So that’s why you weren’t at church today.
JOY
Spent all morning packing for this trip. I’ve been waiting for this conference for two months. They got a gospel fest going on and that famous pastor, Rochelle Whitney, gonna be signing autographs. I’ll holler at y’all later.
TINA
Mom, just watch them for an hour. One hour, that’s it.
JOY
Tina, go on with all that.
TINA
One lousy hour! You can’t do an hour?!
JOY
Look, I’m sick of you dropping your kids off at the last minute all the time! I got a life too!
Lacey and Corey look upset.
JOY
What I’m saying is Grandma loves you, Lacey and Corey, but I got plans today. And Tina, you know I babysit all the time. Have I ever said no?
Tina looks away.
JOY
That’s right.
TINA
You had no problem handing me off to babysitters when I was a kid…
Joy is a little remorseful. A new SEDAN pulls up to the curb. The window rolls down and we see PAM, an attractive early 50s woman, sitting in the driver’s seat.
PAM
Hi, everyone. Looking good, Tina.
TINA
Thanks, Miss Pam.
PAM
You ready, Joy?
JOY
(upset)
Pam, do you mind if I watch my grandkids for an hour?
PAM
But the conference starts in five hours. We better head to Vegas now before the traffic gets bad.
JOY
You wanna go on without me and I’ll meet you there later?
PAM
Well…
JOY
You know what, scratch that. I’m going.
TINA
What?
Joy gets in Pam’s car.
TINA
Mom!
JOY (whispering to Pam)
Drive, drive!
Pam drives off.
TINA
Mom!
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Danielle Dillard Profiles People
What I’ve learned is using character traits to make my characters more in depth and intriguing.
Person 1
Humorous
Charming
Flashy dresser
Cold
brash
Controlling
Person 2
Abusive
Quick tempered
Confrontational
Loyal
Committed
Helpful
Person 3
Con Artist
Lying
Manipulative
Friendly
Sensitive
Loyal
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What I learned doing this assignment is going more in depth with the essence.
Scene 1 Location: Opening scene
Logline: Corey busts in his big sister’s room demanding that they go to the fair with Dennis, their mother’s boyfriend.
Essence I’ve discovered: Corey is really excited that he and his sister are going to the fair with their mother’s boyfriend, Dennis, but he’s nowhere in sight.
New Logline: Corey busts in his mother’s bedroom excitingly looking for Dennis to take him to the fair but sees his mother packing Dennis’ things and saying Dennis isn’t coming back.Scene 2 Location: Joy’s House
Logline: Tina asks her mother, Joy, to babysit her kids at the last minute.
Essence I’ve discovered: Tina, desperate to meet a new love interest, uses manipulation to get her mother to babysit her kids.
New Logline: Tina, desperate to go on a sudden blind date, bribes Joy into babysitting by reminding her of how she dumped her off to babysitters years ago.Scene 3 Location: Church
Logline: The pastor preaches about those who praise God but live how they want to live.
Essence I’ve discovered: Tina represents the kind the pastor is referring to.
New Logline: During a sermon the pastor talks about lukewarm believers as Tina secretly texts sexy photos of herself to men on a dating website on her cell phone hidden in her bible.Scene 4 Location: Sunday School
Logline: Barry checks out the little girls playing in the Sunday school area.
Essence I’ve discovered: Barry is scoping his next victim.
New Logline: Barry pretends he’s looking for his niece in the Sunday school area when approached by Tina, but he’s really scoping out the little girls and studying which one he can approach.Scene 5 Location: Tina’s living room
Logline: Lacey sees Tina laughing as she chats online.
Essence I’ve discovered: Lacey is concerned about who her mom, Tina, is chatting online with.
New Logline: Lacey, concerned and a little frightened, sarcastically asks Tina who her “next dad” is as she watches her chat online. -
What I’ve learned about this assignment is discovering the essence.
Movie: A Bronx Tale
Scene: Calogero, a nine year old boy, sees Sonny, the neighborhood mob boss, shoot a man.
Essence: Calogero’s admiration of Sonny either becomes fear or more enticed intrigue. Sonny is no longer the guy he studies and mimics during charades, but now fears in an enticing way.
Scene: Sonny and his crew are in a lineup with the police and Calogero must identify the shooter.
Essence: Calogero knows Sonny killed a man and when he’s faced with identifying him he’s unsure about telling the truth. Sonny did a bad thing but Calogero doesn’t want to rat him out. This is the start of either friendship or revenge.
Scene: Sonny offers Calogero’s father a job.
Essence: This could mean one of two things, one, if he takes the job he can become a wise guy and get paid more than his blue collar city job. Two, if he screws up Sonny could kill him or hurt Calogero.
Scene: Calogero sees Jane on the bus for the first time.
Essence: Calogero is older now and he sees a beautiful girl while on the bus, but she’s of a different race which is not favorable in his neighborhood or hers. But to him she’s so beautiful and she’s enticed by him too, they’ve connected at worlds apart.
Scene: Sonny teaches Calogero about the door test.
Essence: The door test reveals the true character of a potential love interest. If she unlocks the door for the guy while sitting in the passenger seat, she’s a keeper. If she doesn’t she’s a selfish narcissistic person. Colageo hopes Jane will unlock the door.
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1. Name? Hi, I’m Danielle 🙂
2. How many scripts you’ve written? I’ve written 7 scripts.
3. What you hope to get out of the class? I hope to get a deeper level of writing out of this class.
4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? I like vintage cars 🙂
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AGREE, in which case, you Reply to this topic and include three things at the top of the page:
I, Danielle Dillard, agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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Vision: To write family stories that entertain and educate.
I’m working on writing in 5-minute chunks of time, and I look forward to finishing my script. I’ve enjoyed this class and learned a lot. Thank you.
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Vision: To write family stories that entertain and educate.
My story is going along well. I still have some catching up to do, but so far so good.
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Vision: To write family stories that educate and entertain.
My story is coming along well. As I’m writing, I’m getting new ideas that make the story stronger from what I originally had in my outline. I’m continuing on with it.
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Vision: To write family stories and entertain and educate.
My progress is going well. I’m doing the 5-15 minute chunk writing style.
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Vision: To write touching family stories that educate and entertain.
I’m still in the process of completing this assignment. Unfortunately, my screenwriting software had a major glitch and I just got it fixed today. I’ll be catching up 🙂
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Vision: To write touching family stories that educate and entertain.
I’m still in the process of completing this assignment. Unfortunately, my screenwriting software had a major glitch and I just got it fixed today. I’ll be catching up 🙂
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Vision: To write touching family stories that educate and entertain.
I’m still in the process of completing this assignment. Unfortunately, my screenwriting software had a major glitch and I just got it fixed today. I’ll be catching up 🙂
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Vision: To write family stories that entertain and educate.
Wordsmithing… I’m telling myself not to do it. It’s hard but will continue to stick with it. Letting go of “quality” and focusing more on quantity is not that easy for me but determined to continue on.
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Vision: To write family stories that entertain and educate.
My work is still in progress. Giving myself a time limit and scheduling the best times to write.
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Vision: To write touching family stories that teach and entertain.
I’m still working on my scenes, but not giving up. 🙂
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Vision: To write touching family stories that teach and entertain.
I’m still working on my scenes. So far, it’s going well but I could work a lot faster. I’m still working on that part of it. But what I’m learning the most is how to do exactly that as I go along.
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Vision: To write touching family stories that entertain and educate.
What I learned most doing this assignment is high-speed writing while not worrying so much about quality. As I followed my outline, I also thought of some other scenes I could add in to write which I liked better than the scenes in my outline. I look forward to continuing the process.
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Vision: To write family stories that educate and entertain.
What I learned doing this assignment is writing super fast. I wrote the scene and tried to only concentrate on the speed instead of quality. It was a little hard to me because I like everything to be well done, but I knew that I can go back and improve in future drafts. This was a fun exercise! It was also nice to not worry so much about quality but more about speed.
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Vision: To write touching family stories that educate and entertain.
What I learned from doing this assignment is trying to make my scene better.
The process of writing my first draft went okay. I’m in the process of making the opening scene stronger by creating a stronger hook. I’m going to rewrite the scene to where it further defines the protagonist and establishes her voice.
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Vision: To write touching family stories that educate and entertain.
What I learned doing this assignment is using the techniques to enhance the scenes I wanted. The other scenes that I currently have already have the elements I’m looking for, but the ones listed below are the scenes that I wanted to make more intriguing. As I continue writing I’ll use this technique for other scenes in the script as I go:
SCENE 1 – EXT. APARTMENT – DAY
Beginning: (Intrigue) Tina makes dinner and sets the table to celebrate her boyfriend’s promotion.
Middle: (Surprise) Tina hears noises coming from the bedroom.
End: (Betrayal) A woman, wearing an unbuttoned shirt and jeans, sneaks out of Tina’s bedroom with her boyfriend who is supposed to be at work. Tina finds out he’s never had a job to begin with and he’s cheating with this woman.
Scene 1 (redeveloped) – INT. APARTMENT – CONTINUOUS
Beginning: (Mystery) Tina goes to her boyfriend’s job and finds out he doesn’t work there and never has.
Middle: (Betrayal) Tina goes home and sees her boyfriend kissing another woman on her couch.
End: (Uncomfortable moment) Tina kicks out her boyfriend and the woman he’s cheating with. She throws his belongings out onto the street.
Scene 5 – INT. SANCTUARY – DAY
Beginning (Intrigue): Tina arranges a date using a dating site on her smartphone while she’s at church during the sermon.
Middle (Uncomfortable Moment): Tina gets up from her seat and sings a solo with the choir.
End: (Mystery): As soon as the song is over Tina rushes out of the church and gets in a strange man’s convertible. He gives her roses and speeds off. Her kids watch her leave with him from the front of the church.
Scene 8 – EXT. SUNDAY SCHOOL – DAY
Beginning: (Intrigue) Barry introduces himself as an assistant pastor to the adults.
Middle: (Major Twist) When the adults leave, he tries to talk to a little girl in the Sunday School area.
End: (Uncomfortable Moment) Barry tries to give the little girl his phone number to text him about games.
Scene 11 – INT. PARK – DAY
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Barry takes selfies with Tina’s daughter and repeatedly puts his arm around her.
Middle: (Intrigue) Tina’s daughter hugs him. He rubs her leg. Tina notices but blows it off.
End: (Betrayal) Barry tries to touch Tina’s daughter but Tina distracts him.
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Vision: To write family stories that educate and entertain at the same time.
What I learned doing this assignment is brainstorming the below, and I’m still developing it:
EXT. APARTMENT – DAY
Tina approaches the door of the apartment carrying a decorative cake. She hears the laughter of another woman from inside of the apartment.
Essence: Tina is surprising her boyfriend with a festive cake.
Conflict: Who and why is another woman laughing in her apartment?
Subtext: Tina doesn’t know that her boyfriend is cheating.
Hope/fear: We hope her surprise won’t be ruined. We fear she’ll get her heart broken.
INT. APARTMENT – CONTINUOUS
Tina opens the door and sees David on the couch making out with another woman.
Essence: Tina busts in on David with another woman.
Conflict: Fight between David and Tina with the other woman in the middle.
Subtext: Tina is breaking up with David.
Hope/fear: We hope Tina will dump David. We fear that someone may get physically hurt during the heated argument.
EXT. APARTMENT – CONTINUOUS
Tina throws David’s belongings on the curb. David rushes out of the house and gathers his things. Tina continues to toss his things out on the street. Tina’s kids are watching.
Essence: Tina kicks David out.
Conflict: Will David retaliate?
Subtext: Tina wants a replacement.
Hope/fear: We hope that David won’t physically hurt Tina or her kids. We fear that things could get worse.
INT. CHURCH – DAY
Tina sings a moving song with the church choir. She sings a solo piece that has everyone mesmerized except a prominent woman staring at her in disgust which catches her eye.
Essence: Tina is in a choir at a church.
Conflict: Why is there a woman at this church looking at Tina in disgust?
Subtext: Tina doesn’t seem to live the lyrics of the song she’s singing.
Hope/fear: We hope Tina gets over her breakup. We fear the icy look on the woman’s face.
INT. SANCTUARY – DAY
Tina converses with men on a dating website during the sermon.
Essence: Tina is more interested in meeting new men.
Conflict: Tina is flirting with men online while she’s in church.
Subtext: Tina’s goal is to get a new man.
Hope/fear: We hope Tina decides what’s most important. We fear she will miss the important message in the sermon.
EXT. SUNDAY SCHOOL – DAY
Barry hangs around the Sunday School area admiring the kids. He catches Tina’s eye and she introduces herself to him.
Essence: Barry is scoping the little girls.
Conflict: Tina doesn’t notice him admiring her daughter.
Subtext: Tina is interested in Barry, he plays along.
Hope/fear: We hope she doesn’t come on to Barry. We fear Barry since he’s fixated with the girls.
INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Barry and Tina are having a romantic dinner.
Essence: Barry and Tina are hitting it off.
Conflict: Is Barry really attracted to Tina?
Subtext: Barry keeps asking about her daughter and wants to see pictures of her.
Hope/fear: We hope Tina is on alert. We fear Barry may be after her daughter.
INT. PARK – DAY
Barry, Tina and Tina’s kids play together at the park.
Essence: Barry is in like Flynn.
Conflict: Why does he keep taking pictures of Tina’s daughter?
Subtext: Barry is grooming Tina’s daughter and gaining her trust.
Hope/fear: We hope nothing happens to Tina’s daughter. We fear that Tina is moving too fast with Barry.
INT. CHURCH, WOMEN’S RESTROOM – DAY
Tina touches up her makeup while looking at herself in the mirror. The icy woman from before enters the restroom and sees Tina, approaches her and gives her a bitter message about her lifestyle and the consequences coming.
Essence: Tina is being confronted about her lifestyle
Conflict: Tina gets offended.
Subtext: Tina knows this woman is telling the truth and she fears it.
Hope/Fear: We hope that Tina takes heed to this message. We fear that Tina’s defensiveness and denial will cause her to miss it.
EXT. APARTMENT, BARBECUE – DAY
Tina, Barry and the kids have a barbeque. Tina’s mother and her friends are present. Her friends like Barry. Her mother has reservations about him.
Essence: Tina is introducing Barry to her friends and family.
Conflict: Tina is offended at her mother’s observations about him. Barry leaves the barbecue and sneaks into Tina’s daughter’s room.
Subtext: Barry has a plan.
Hope/Fear: We hope Tina’s mother’s suspicions are wrong. We fear why Barry is in the girl’s room.
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Vision: To write touching family stories that teach and entertain at the same time.
What I learned doing this assignment is further analyzing the below:
Act 1
Secret/ Scheme: Tina’s current boyfriend is cheating and lies about having a job.
Mystery: What is Tina looking for in a mate? Who is Tina as a person? Why does she pick the wrong men?
Intrigue: Why did Tina receive a bitter prophecy from a woman at her church?
Act 2
Hidden Identity: Barry is not who he says he is, he’s in ministry with an intent to prey upon children.
Cover Up: Barry strategically plans how he’ll gain the trust of Tina and her kids.
Mystery: Why is Barry a bad man? What is his past?
Act 3
Cover up: Barry lies about putting hidden cameras in Tina’s daughter’s room.
Hidden Identity: Tina finds out that Barry abused a girl at another church.
Act 4:
Secret: Tina reveals that she was abused by her mother’s former boyfriend and is afraid of it happening to her daughter.
Intrigue: Will Barry hurt Tina’s daughter when they’re alone in a hotel room?
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Vision: To write touching family stories that educate and entertain.
What I learned most doing this assignment is giving the emotional elements below:
Positive Emotions
Bonding: Tina bonds with Barry as he also bonds with her kids. He plays with them, helps them with their homework, posts funny videos on social media with them and becomes like a dad to them.
Love: Tina falls in love with Barry.
Forgiveness: Tina forgives her mother for their troubled past.
Self-reflection: Tina recognizes flaws in herself.
Negative Emotions
Wounds: Tina suffers from past abuse in her youth.
Betrayal: Tina’s boyfriend cheated and lied about having a job.
Weakness: Tina is desperate for love and attention and is told this on a date.
Distress: When her daughter runs away to be with Barry, Tina hopes and prays that he doesn’t hurt her.
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Vision: To write touching family stories that educate and entertain.
What I learned doing this assignment is the below:
Surface Layer: Tina is desperate for love and adoration from the opposite sex.
Deeper Layer: Tina has abandonment issues from her youth and continuously wants to fill a void, so she won’t be alone and unloved. She grew up seeing her mother live off of men and has followed her footsteps. She once bonded with a boyfriend of her mother’s that was like a father to her, but when he left, she felt dismissed and betrayed. She’s been looking for false love ever since.
Major Reveal: Tina realizes she picked the wrong man when she discovers that he’s a pedophile.
Act 1
Setup: Tina thinks her current live-in boyfriend is getting a promotion and she plans a celebration dinner for him.
Reveal: Tina learns that her boyfriend has never had a job yet has been mooching off of her and another woman across town. She kicks him out.
Setup: Tina looks for a new man.
Reveal: On a date, the new man senses a “desperation” with her and feels they won’t be a match. She continues her search despite him pointing out her flaw.
Act 2
Setup: Tina’s friends tell her to only try “good” men, especially the ones in the church. Tina refuses.
Reveal: Tina meets Barry, who claims to be an assistant pastor, that has all the qualities she is looking for in a man, but he’s actually checking out the little girls at the church.
Setup: Barry asks Tina out when he sees how pretty her little girl is. Barry gets close to Tina and her children.
Reveal: Barry is really trying to gain the trust of Tina’s daughter and groom her for abuse. He overly spends time with her and soon puts hidden cameras in her bedroom.
Act 3
Set up: Tina discovers the hidden cameras in her daughter’s room. She confronts Barry. He never admits to doing it and makes it seem like a friend of hers did it during a gathering they had.
Reveal: Barry plays Tina’s accusations by accusing her of hating him and making him out to be a false bad guy. He uses his title as assistant pastor to prove he’s a good man.
Set up: Barry plays the “everyone’s against me” game to Tina’s daughter.
Reveal: Tina’s daughter feels sorry for Barry and runs away to be with him, thinking he’s like a father to her (unaware that he’s an abuser). Barry is glad his plan worked.
Act 4
Setup: Tina goes to her mother and church for help in getting her daughter back.
Reveal: Tina must forgive her mother for the past. It is revealed that Tina was abused as a kid by one of her mother’s former boyfriends whom she thought was her father figure. Tina prays that her daughter will be protected and that history won’t repeat itself.
Setup: Barry meets with Tina’s daughter, and they go to a hotel room.
Reveal: Tina’s daughter asks Barry deep questions about love, the church and parenthood to the point he leaves her alone in the hotel room and doesn’t touch her. She calls Tina to pick her up. Tina is overjoyed that her daughter is safe and untouched of Barry. Tina vows to change her life around.
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VISION – To write touching, entertaining family stories that have a message to teach and entertain audiences at the same time.
What I learned doing this assignment is doing the below:
My protagonist can do one or more of the following when she discovers her current boyfriend is cheating and lying about being employed:
– shame him on social media or in public
– get revenge by doing the same thing to him
– get violent by physically attacking him
– ignore him while putting his belongings on the curb
My antagonist can do one or more of the following when confronted about placing secret cameras in the bedroom of a minor:
– lie about it
– blame someone else
– cause a distraction by escalating an argument or getting violent
– gaslight the person confronting and make them think they’re crazy or imagining things
– leave while being confronted
– pretend he knows nothing about it
– kidnap the minor
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VISION – To write touching, entertaining family stories that have a message to teach and entertain audiences at the same time.
What I learned doing this assignment is doing the below:
What’s missing in my outline is my protagonist’s backstory, her upbringing and her mother. Major event is when her daughter runs to the predator, my protagonist has to remember the abuse she went through with one of her mother’s former boyfriends. This is history repeating itself, and my protagonist must handle it differently in order to save her own daughter from a dangerous man. I’m currently working that out the plot points of the backstory.
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VISION – To write touching, entertaining family stories that have a message to teach and entertain audiences at the same time.
What I learned doing this assignment is doing the beat-sheet below:
ACT 1: Tina wants to replace her double-crossing boyfriend with a better man
PJ: Tina discovers that her current boyfriend has been unfaithful and lied about having a job when he’s really unemployed. She kicks him out of her home and begins looking for another man. She receives a bitter prophecy that the wrong man will present himself and cause her to look within.
AJ: Barry has just been fired as an assistant pastor at a church for inappropriate text messages with a minor. He attends Tina’s church and scopes out the kids in the Sunday School area. Tina introduces herself to him.
Deeper Layer: Barry is looking for a single woman with young daughters to prey upon
INCITING INCIDENT: Barry asks Tina out once he learns that a pretty young girl he admires is actually Tina’s daughter
ACT 2: Tina introduces her kids to Barry
AJ: Barry buys Tina’s kids expensive gifts and bonds with them by attending their games, playing with them and helping them with their schoolwork
Deeper Layer: Barry is “grooming” Tina’s daughter
PJ: Tina announces that she’s finally met the right man
INCITING INCIDENT: Tina moves Barry into her home
ACT 3: Barry places hidden cameras in Tina’s daughter’s room
PJ: Tina notices that Barry is very affectionate with her daughter but thinks he’s just being a father figure to her
AJ: Barry tries to get Tina’s daughter alone by suggesting they spend father/daughter time together
Deeper Layer: Barry is preying upon Tina’s daughter
INCITING INCIDENT: Barry places hidden cameras in Tina’s daughter’s room
ACT 4: Tina discovers the hidden cameras in her daughter’s bedroom
PJ: Tina confronts Barry about the cameras, and he gas lights her by saying she’s accusing him of being a bad man. She kicks him out and begins looking for another man.
AJ: Barry leaves but tells Tina’s daughter that her mom is doesn’t love him anymore and he can no longer be her daddy
Deeper Layer: Barry is making Tina look like the bad one to lure her daughter
INCITING INCIDENT: Tina’s daughter hates Tina for kicking Barry out and runs away from home to be with him, she wants her “daddy” back. Now Tina must search high and low to find her daughter and look within as to why she allowed Barry into her life in the first place
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Vision: To write family stories that teach and entertain.
What I learned from doing this assignment is looking at the deeper layers of my protagonist
Surface Layer: Tina is desperate for love and adoration
from the opposite sexDeeper Layer: Tina has abandonment issues and emotional trauma from her youth, she doesn’t
want to be alone to the point she’ll pick the wrong menMajor Reveal: Tina realizes she picked the wrong man
when she discovers that he’s a pedophileInfluences Surface Story: Tina sees that her boyfriend
goes above and beyond to court her, she sees that he bonds with her
children and does what he can to get close to them
Hints: He buys nice gifts for her daughter, he tries to
attend all of her daughter’s events, he tries to gain her daughter’s trust
and becomes like a father to herChanges Reality: When Tina tries to protect her
daughter from this man, her daughter trusts him enough to run to himBeginning: Tina is told by her boyfriend that he’ll be
getting promoted on his job
Inciting Incident: Tina discovers that her boyfriend
never had a job to begin with and has been mooching off of her and another
womanTurning Point 1: Tina kicks her boyfriend out of her
home, her kids wonder who their next “daddy” will beAct 2: Tina meets Barry, a seemingly good man with
valuesTurning Point 2 / Midpoint: Barry bonds with Tina’s
children and takes a liking to her daughter, he moves into Tina’s homeAct 3: Barry secretly puts cameras in Tina’s daughter’s
bedroom and wants to spend more time with herTurning Point 3: Tina discovers the cameras and
confronts Barry. Barry mysteriously moves outAct 4 Climax: Tina’s daughter is angry that Barry left
and goes after him because she sees him as her dad
Resolution: Tina must face and forgive trauma from her past
in order to get her daughter back from Barry and she does -
Vision: To write family films that teach and entertain.
What I learned doing this assignment is analyzing the break-down of the below:
Protagonist:
Beginning: Tina is told by her boyfriend that he’ll be
getting promoted on his job
Inciting Incident: Tina discovers that her boyfriend
never had a job to begin with and has been mooching off of her and another
womanTurning Point 1: Tina kicks her boyfriend out of her
home, her kids wonder who their next “daddy” will beAct 2: Tina meets Barry, a seemingly good man with
valuesTurning Point 2 / Midpoint: Barry bonds with Tina’s
children and takes a liking to her daughter, he moves into Tina’s homeAct 3: Barry secretly puts cameras in Tina’s daughter’s
bedroom and wants to spend more time with herTurning Point 3: Tina discovers the cameras and
confronts Barry. Barry mysteriously moves outAct 4 Climax: Tina’s daughter is angry that Barry left
and goes after him because she sees him as her dadResolution: Tina must face and forgive trauma from her past
in order to get her daughter back from Barry and she doesAntagonist:
Beginning: Barry is an assistant pastor at a church that
is highly admired
Inciting Incident: A parent of a ten-year-old girl
discovers inappropriate text messages between Barry and her daughterTurning Point 1: Barry is told to resign his title as assistant
pastor and leave the churchAct 2: Barry goes to Tina’s church and scopes out the
girls in the Sunday School. He catches Tina’s eye and isn’t interested until
he meets her eight-year-old daughterTurning Point 2 / Midpoint: Barry bonds with Tina’s
children and takes a special liking to her daughter, he moves into Tina’s
homeAct 3: Barry cunningly puts hidden cameras in Tina’s daughter’s
bedroom and spends a lot of time with herTurning Point 3: Tina discovers the cameras and
confronts Barry. Barry blames the cameras on a good friend of Tina’s and
moves out. He tells Tina’s daughter that Tina no longer loves him and he
can’t be her “daddy” anymoreAct 4 Climax: Barry lures Tina’s daughter to him by
making her feel sorry for him and have resentment towards her momResolution: Barry is captured by authorities due to
child abuse charges of another minor -
VISION – To write touching, entertaining family stories that have a message to teach and entertain audiences at the same time.
What I learned doing this assignment is doing the below:
Supporting characters: best friends of Tina (Ronnie and Jennifer)
Background characters: Tina’s church colleagues
Support 1:
Name: Ronnie
Role: Best friend of Tina
Main Purpose: Supports Tina’s choices and is a lot like her, supports Tina being in/out relationships (the devil on Tina’s shoulder)
Value: Having a good time
Support 2:
Name: Jennifer
Role: Best friend of Tina
Main Purpose: Get Tina to “see the light” and change her life for the better (the angel on Tina’s shoulder), wants Tina to overcome her past
Value: Morals
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VISION – To write touching, entertaining family stories that have a message to teach and entertain audiences at the same time.
What I learned doing this assignment is doing the below:
Protagonist, Tina: A single mother desperate to find love and a father figure to her two kids dates the wrong men. She sings in her church choir and moves everyone with her captivating songs, but her lifestyle goes against the lyrics of the songs. She has a painful past to overcome and become a stronger person in the process.
Character subtext: Looks for love and validation from others except herself
Character Intrigue: Secret – Abused by a husband of her mother in her youth
Flaw: Desperate for love yet manipulates men by getting what she wants from them
Values: She values church and has a love for her children
Character dilemma: Writes powerful lyrics in choir songs, but doesn’t apply the message of her lyrics to her own life
Antagonist, Barry: He’s a sociopath on a mission to date women with kids so he can prey upon their daughters. He’s a charming man who loves kids and can relate to them. His arc is to stop living a lie and get help for his mental illness.
Character subtext: Kid-friendly man who is also a pedophile
Character Intrigue: Secret – Child abuser
Flaw: Gains the trust of children so they can idolize him and give in to his advances
Values: Church, family, romantic relationships
Character Dilemma: He loves children but he’s an abuser
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VISION – To write touching, entertaining family stories that have a message to teach and entertain audiences at the same time.
What I learned doing this assignment is doing the below:
Protagonist, Tina: A single mother desperate to find love and a father figure to her two kids dates the wrong men. She sings in her church choir and moves everyone with her captivating songs, but her lifestyle goes against the lyrics of the songs. She has a painful past to overcome and become a stronger person in the process.
Antagonist, Barry: He’s a sociopath on a mission to date women with kids so he can prey upon their daughters. He’s a charming man who loves kids and can relate to them.
Tina:
Role in the story – protagonist
Age range / description – early 30s, sexy and attractive, talented
Core Traits – brash, desperate, open heart, giving
Want – Love from others
Need – Love from within
Wound – abused by a man as a child
Likability – she’s a witty person with a great sense of humor
Relatability – She’s a single mother taking care of two kids
Empathy – She was neglected as a child
Barry:
Role in the story – antagonist
Age range / description – early 30s, kind and fun, athletic build
Core Traits – secretive, manipulative, cunning
Want – To be adored by girls
Need – To get help for his fetish for little girls
Wound – Abused by a woman in his youth
Likability – Has a respectable position, he’s caring and fun loving
Relatability – He grew up as an only child
Empathy – His mother neglected him as a child, and he spent a lot of time alone with a female adult predator that was his babysitter
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VISION – To write touching, entertaining family stories that have a message to teach and entertain audiences at the same time.
What I learned doing this assignment is analyzing the below:
Protagonist:
Likability: Tina is an excellent singer in the choir that gets people emotional in a good way
Relatability: Tina is a single mother of a boy and a girl with no help from the fathers of these children, she does her best to provide for them
Empathy: Tina gets cheated on by her boyfriend
Antagonist:
Likability: Barry loves kids, is hip to the games they play and loves posting funny videos on social media.
Relatability: Barry grew up as an only child and he felt alone
Empathy: Barry loses his position as assistant pastor
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This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by Danielle Dillard.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by
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VISION – To write touching, entertaining family stories that have a message to teach and entertain audiences at the same time.
What I learned doing this assignment is putting together the below (and still working on it):
Character name: Barry
Role: Antagonist
Deception: Church going man, but a child abuser
He’s loving, playful, fun and a father figure but he uses this part of his personality to lure children and abuse them
Character name: Tina
Role: Protagonist
Unspoken wound: Tina was abused by a man when she was a child
When her daughter goes to Barry, it causes Tina to reflect on her unspoken wound, face the past and try to overcome it
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This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by Danielle Dillard.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by
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VISION – To write touching, entertaining family stories that have a message to teach and entertain audiences at the same time.
What I learned doing this assignment is brainstorming the subtext of characters.
With your example movie, give us the following answers for the character with the most subtext:
Movie Title: A Bronx Tale
Character Name: Colagero
Subtext Identity: A young boy admires a mob boss in his neighborhood and sees him kill someone yet befriends him in the process
Subtext Trait: Naive yet streetwise
Subtext Logline: Colagero is a naive kid yet knows not to “rat” out his neighborhood mob boss who killed a man and forms a strong friendship with him
Possible Areas of Subtext: Colagero befriends his neighborhood mob boss despite his father’s warnings of him being a “bad man.” Colagero gets paid big money from the gangster and his crew for working at their bar. As the years go on, Colagero idolizes the mob boss to the point he’s not only his friend, but also a father figure
For your two leads, brainstorm these answers:
Protagonist
Character Name: Tina
Subtext Identity: Single church going mother with a pattern of bad romantic relationships, struggles to find the right man
Subtext Trait: Too giving, too open, desperate, doesn’t take her time to get to know a new love interest
Subtext Logline: Tina, a single church going mother, has a series of bad romantic relationships and falls for a great new guy who loves kids but doesn’t know he’s a child molester
Possible Areas of Subtext: Tina moves men into her home to early into the relationship, she wants to be loved so badly and she doesn’t care who she exposes her kids to
Antagonist
Character Name: Barry
Subtext Identity: A teacher’s aide at an elementary school who is attracted to little girls
Subtext Trait: Sly, sneaky, only dates women with young daughters, only works at places kids frequent
Subtext Logline: Barry is a charismatic yet perverted man who is on a mission to abuse children and he plays on the gullibility of needy women who have them
Possible Areas of Subtext: Barry dates needy women with young daughters so he can abuse them, he comes across as a fun/loving/sincere family man
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This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by Danielle Dillard.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by
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VISION – To write touching, entertaining family stories that have a message to teach and entertain audiences at the same time.
What I learned doing this assignment is the exercise below:
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
This role has an emotional arc that goes from the protagonist being insecure, bitter and desperate to being confident, empowered and wiser (strong female lead)
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
She seems like she has it all together with a good job, singing talent and two beautiful kids, but when it comes to romantic relationships, she’s not as keen and strong
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
Rescuing her daughter from a predator and rescuing herself from her old ways
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
Strong female lead of a faith-based family genre
5. What could be this character’s emotional range
Selfish, cunning, manipulative, angry to forgiving, careful, cautious, wise, loving
6. What subtext can the actor play?
The character is fragile underneath a hard exterior, she’s vulnerable, overcoming obstacles and afraid of being alone but has the appearance of being okay
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
The relationships with the antagonist, her mother, her children and her ex-boyfriends
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
She always says what she needs from others instead of what she needs from herself
9. What could make this character special and unique?
She’s one of the lead singers at her church yet lives a corrupt life
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VISION – To write touching, entertaining family stories that have a message to teach and entertain audiences at the same time.
What I learned doing this assignment is analyzing actor attractors of the film I watched, “Clueless.”
Movie Title: Clueless
Lead Character Name: Cher
1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?
The lead is an “it girl” character. She’s pretty, popular at school, rich and has a wardrobe many girls copy after. The lead role is an attention getter that attracts a young audience and families.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?
She’s not a ditzy girl. She has her father’s attorney skills to get her teachers to improve the grades on her report card. She also looks out for her widowed father by making sure he eats right and keeps his stress levels down.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?
Cher makes over Tye, the oddball new girl at her school. Cher and her best friend, Dionne, show Tye the ropes and try to get Elton, one of the most popular guys at their school, to fall for Tye.
4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?
Young, hip, beautiful and a Beverly Hills girl.
5. What is this character’s emotional range?
Comedic, heartfelt, manipulative, jealous, remorseful, insecure, shocked and genuine
6. What subtext can the actor play?
Cher decides that authenticity, accepting her friends for who they are and a genuine heart is the key to being a good person, not popularity and money.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?
Relationships with her best friend Dionne, her ex-step brother Josh who she has a crush on, Christian who she’s attracted to and Tye
8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?
She uses slang that was hip at the time the movie was made and her metaphors she uses to describe her feelings adds comedy
9. What makes this character special and unique?
She sees the best in people after she has used them for personal gain and realizes it was wrong for her to do so. Her genuineness during her soul searching moments causes maturity.
10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)
In the beginning of the movie we see her life, her beauty, her popularity, her mansion and her wardrobe closet which has a rolling rack and she uses a computer to match her outfits before putting them on.
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Vision: To write touching, entertaining family stories that have a message to teach and entertain audiences at the same time.
What I learned doing this assignment is improving on my structure.Title: Come to Daddy
Concept: A single mother with a pattern of bad romantic relationships finally meets a great guy who becomes like a dad to her daughter, but what she doesn’t know is that he’s attracted to little girls.
Genre: Family Drama
Changes are in bold:
Act 1:
Opening: Protagonist finds out her boyfriend is cheating and that he lied about having a job, she kicks him out. Her kids wonder who their next “daddy” will be. Protagonist sings in church and captivates everyone except an older woman who looks at her in disgust.
Inciting Incident: The older woman gives Protagonist a bitter prophecy about her lifestyle with various men and says that the next man will cause her to change her ways. Protagonist is offended.
Turning Point: Protagonist is on a mission to find a new man. Protagonist catches her boyfriend cheating and kicks him out of her home.
Act 2:
New Plan: Protagonist vows to go on a dating site and give the first 5 guys that come to her profile a try. Protagonist is on a mission to find a new man.
Plan in action: Protagonist begins dating but the guys aren’t what she’s looking for, they’re not interested in kids. Protagonist vows to go on a dating site and give the first 5 guys a try.
Mid Turning Point: Protagonist meets a great guy, but he senses her desperation and doesn’t pursue a relationship. She meets Antagonist who seems to be a great guy and is looking to settle down.
Act 3:
Rethink Everything: Antagonist is secretive, manipulative and gives more attention to her daughter to the point she begins spying on him. She finds out that he was fired from a job as a teacher’s aide for inappropriately interacting with a little girl.
New Plan: She notices that there’s hidden cameras in her daughter’s room that Antagonist has set up
Turning Point: Protagonist kicks Antagonist out of her home and her daughter (having a tight bond with Antagonist) runs away to be with him. She’s sees him as her dad. Protagonist is fearful, worried and blames herself for picking this man.
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate Expression of Conflict: Protagonist must look within and learns what she needs to change while trying to get her daughter back. This is a test of her faith. She prays and vows that she’ll change for the better. She goes to the intercessors at her church for help and the one who helps the most is the older woman from Act 1. She goes to find her daughter but doesn’t know where she and Antagonist are.
Resolution: Protagonist’s daughter returns home unharmed as Protagonist continues to work on herself. Antagonist is caught by authorities.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by Danielle Dillard.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by
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VISION – To write touching, entertaining family stories that have a message to teach and entertain audiences at the same time.
What I learned doing this assignment is putting together the journey of the protagonist.
Concept – a single mother, desperate for love, falls for the wrong man which causes her to look within to make a better change
Main conflict – Protagonist has a pattern of dysfunctional relationships and cannot see the damage it’s doing to herself and her children
Old ways – spiritually blinded, desperate, craving attention from the wrong men
New ways – confident, independent, spiritual growth, no longer needing a man to validate her worth
Act 1:
Opening: Protagonist sings in church and captivates everyone except an older woman who looks at her in disgust.
Inciting Incident: The older woman gives Protagonist a bitter prophecy about her lifestyle with various men and says that the next man will cause her to change her ways. Protagonist is offended.
Turning Point: Protagonist catches her boyfriend cheating and kicks him out of her home.
Act 2:
New Plan: Protagonist is on a mission to find a new man.
Plan in action: Protagonist vows to go on a dating site and give the first 5 guys a try.
Mid Turning Point: Protagonist meets a great guy, but he senses her desperation and doesn’t pursue a relationship. She meets Antagonist who seems to be a great guy and is looking to settle down.
Act 3:
Rethink Everything: Antagonist is secretive, manipulative and gives more attention to her daughter
New Plan: She notices that there’s hidden cameras in her daughter’s room that her new man has set up
Turning Point: Antagonist is attracted to Protagonist’s daughter. Protagonist kicks him out and her daughter (having a tight bond with Antagonist) runs away to be with him. Protagonist is fearful, worried and blames herself for picking this man.
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate Expression of Conflict: Protagonist must look withing and learns what she needs to change while trying to get her daughter back. This is a test of her faith.
Resolution: Protagonist’s daughter returns unharmed as Protagonist continues to work on herself.
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VISION – To write touching, entertaining family stories that have a message to teach and entertain audiences at the same time.
What I learned doing this assignment is creating subtext.
The subtext plot I’m using is someone is hiding who they are.
My story has a protagonist who has a pattern of picking the wrong men. Now the new man in her life seems to be the entire package she’s been looking for: he has a job; he goes to church, and he loves kids. What she doesn’t know is he is a child abuser. As she learns about who he really is, it forces her to look at the things she’s been hiding herself, which is emotional pain and trauma from her past. This becomes an eye opener for my protagonist and the driving force to make a change for the better.
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To write touching, entertaining family stories that have a message to teach and entertain audiences at the same time.
What I learned doing this assignment is creating the journey for my protagonist:Arc Beginning: My protagonist is shallow, cold, uses people for her own selfish reasons, lonely and desperate for love
Arc Ending: My protagonist transforms into a humble person, has maturity and growth, takes her time to get to know people and has the interests of her children as a priority
Internal Journey: Fragile, angry, needy, desperate
External Journey: Independent, confident, reassured, patient, compassionate
Old Ways: Seeks love, acceptance and attention from the
wrong men, financially supports mooching men who take advantage, puts men
priority over her children, has unresolved anger and resentment from her
troubled pastNew Ways: Develops inner strength, heals from the past,
values herself and her children, no longer desires false love or fears being
alone, stops settling for the wrong men-
This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by Danielle Dillard.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by
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Danielle Dillard
I agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of Writing Incredible Movies, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, through social media, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, videos, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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VISION – To write touching, entertaining family stories that have a message to teach and entertain audiences at the same time.
My protagonist is a strong single mother and church going woman, but she has a weakness for settling for abusive men.
My antagonist is a charismatic, professional single man who’s looking to find the right woman with kids, but he’s a child abuser.
These characters are unique because they both go against what they represent on the outside and both have flaws that fuel their dysfunctional relationship.
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My vision is to do dramatic family films and comedic family films. What I learned doing this assignment is putting together an outline. I’ll using the Protagonist vs Antagonist character structure. Still deciding the title, but I’m working on a story about a single mother who unknowingly chooses an abusive man as a love interest.
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Danielle Dillard
I agree to the terms of this release form.
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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1. Name? Danielle Dillard
2. How many scripts you’ve written? 5
3. What you hope to get out of the class? To learn about writing incredible screenplays
4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? I like to sing
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The marketing campaign I’ll take is landing writing jobs. I’m going to research more producers that have produced stories in my genre and contact them. I’ll have my writing resume and writing samples ready to submit upon request. I’ll also attend pitch fests and network.
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What I learned doing this assignment is revising my first draft of my query letter:
First Query Letter:
A spoiled rotten socialite supported by her rich parents gets cut-off financially and must start at the bottom to survive — this is my touching family comedy, The Cut-Off Heiress. It follows a spoiled 19-year-old socialite who takes gross advantage of her wealthy parents to the point they cut her off financially. As she’s forced to survive on her own, she must find work, a place to live and pay her own way for the first time. Trying to fend for herself has its challenges, but when she begins working at a homeless shelter her eyes to life really open and it causes her to become a better person.
This is a funny story with heartfelt elements that follow a naïve young woman trying to find her way in life. Audiences will laugh during scenes such as the socialite showing up over fashionably dressed to her first job interview with her small dogs in tow and her giving herself a manicure during worktime. And audiences will be touched by her transformation from being selfish and entitled to becoming humble and independent with a passion for helping others.
I’ve received my BA in Film Writing from California State University, Los Angeles and have developed family stories for the Hallmark Channel and Lifetime. I’ve also written screenplays in the family genre for Greystoke Entertainment.
Please feel free to contact me if you’d like to read my script. Thank you for your time and attention.
(my name & contact info here)
Revised Query Letter:
A spoiled socialite supported by her rich parents gets cut-off financially and must start at the bottom to survive — this is my touching family comedy, The Cut-Off Heiress. It follows a spoiled 19-year-old socialite who takes gross advantage of her wealthy parents to the point they cut her off financially. As she’s forced to survive on her own, she must find work, a place to live and pay her own way for the first time. When she turns to her boyfriend and best friends for help, she gets dumped and dismissed, realizing she’s truly on her own. Trying to fend for herself has its challenges, but when she begins working at a homeless shelter her eyes and heart really open and it causes her to become a better person. And as the paparazzi follows her every move, she must prove to them, her parents and the world that she’s truly changed for the better.
This is a funny story with heartfelt elements that follow a naïve young woman trying to find her way in life. Audiences will laugh during scenes such as the socialite showing up over fashionably dressed to her first job interview with her small dogs in tow and her hilariously getting fired from multiple jobs when trying to find the right gig. And audiences will be touched by her transformation from being selfish and entitled to becoming humble and independent with a passion for helping others.
I’ve received my BA in Film Writing from California State University, Los Angeles and have developed family stories for the Hallmark Channel and Lifetime. I’ve also written screenplays in the family genre for Greystoke Entertainment.
Please feel free to contact me if you’d like to read my script. Thank you for your time and attention.
(my name & contact info here)
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What I learned most about this assignment is doing research on producers who made films in the vein of mine. As I’m still researching, I’m going to submit the following at this time:
Films in the vein of mine: Clueless, Mean Girls, 13 Going on 30
Producers: Barry Berg, Twink Caplan, Robert Lawrence, Adam Schroeder, Jennifer Guinier, Jill Sobel Messick, Lorne Michael, Louise Resner, Tony Shimkin (still researching)
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What I learned most doing this assignment is putting together a phone pitch
Phone pitch:
Hello, I’m Danielle Dillard and I specialize in writing screenplays in the family and faith-based genres. I’ve written screenplays for Greystoke Entertainment and helped develop stories for the Hallmark Channel.
I have a screenplay, a family comedy with touching elements called The Cut-Off Heiress which follows a spoiled 19-year-old socialite diva who gets financially cut-off by her wealthy parents, and she must learn how to fend for herself for the first time.
The budget range is between 20-25 million and I can see a talented young actress in the lead, such as Peyton List. The script is 105 pages. There is a manager that’s currently reading the script and I think it’s a great fit for your company because of your recent success with your family comedy, The Family Hustle. My film has a very touching yet entertaining ending that shows the protagonist’s transformation from a shallow girl to a mature, compassionate young woman with a passion for helping others less fortunate. Would you like to read my script or receive a synopsis? Thank you.
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What I learned about doing this assignment is doing a pitch-fest pitch:
Hello, I’m Danielle Dillard and I specialize in writing screenplays in the family and faith-based genres. I’ve written screenplays for Greystoke Entertainment and helped develop stories for the Hallmark Channel. Wouldn’t you like to see a spoiled rich girl get cut-off financially and suddenly start at the bottom like others have to? Well, that’s my story called The Cut-Off Heiress which follows a shallow socialite who gets financially cut off by her wealthy parents to learn how to take care of herself. And once she gets cut-off, her boyfriend dumps her, her best friends ditch her, she becomes the laughingstock of social media and the paparazzi, and she must find work for the first time. After getting fired from multiple jobs due to her narcissism and naivete, she finally lands a job at a homeless shelter and learns how others struggle and survive. And she falls for a handsome young resident at the shelter who teaches her survival skills. She begins to have compassion and a new appreciation for things she took for granted and she helps the residents at the shelter get back on their feet. But her transformation is tested when her old boyfriend wants to get her back on his side of the tracks and the shelter faces foreclosure. She must choose what’s most important to her and in the end, she remains independent and saves the shelter. The budget is mid-range between 20-25 million and I can see Peyton List playing the lead. Would you like to have a synopsis or read my script?
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What I learned doing this assignment is enhancing my query letter:
A spoiled rotten socialite supported by her rich parents gets cut-off financially and must start at the bottom to survive — this is my touching family comedy, The Cut-Off Heiress. It follows a spoiled 19-year-old socialite who takes gross advantage of her wealthy parents to the point they cut her off financially. As she’s forced to survive on her own, she must find work, a place to live and pay her own way for the first time. Trying to fend for herself has its challenges, but when she begins working at a homeless shelter her eyes to life really open and it causes her to become a better person.
This is a funny story with heartfelt elements that follow a naïve young woman trying to find her way in life. Audiences will laugh during scenes such as the socialite showing up over fashionably dressed to her first job interview with her small dogs in tow and her giving herself a manicure during worktime. And audiences will be touched by her transformation from being selfish and entitled to becoming humble and independent with a passion for helping others.
I’ve received my BA in Film Writing from California State University, Los Angeles and have developed family stories for the Hallmark Channel and Lifetime. I’ve also written screenplays in the family genre for Greystoke Entertainment.
Please feel free to contact me if you’d like to read my script. Thank you for your time and attention.
(my name & contact info here)
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What I learned is putting together a marketing letter & plan:
“Dear Producer,
I really enjoyed your family drama, “The Berrymans.” Not only was it entertaining, but the lesson the main character, Jessica, learned at the end was very powerful.
As a writer of comedic family dramas, I’m currently looking for writing assignments dealing with the family genre and if you’re looking for new writers, I would be honored to send you my writing samples. I’ve won Bridge Runner Entertainment’s 2021 Screenplay Competition and I was recently hired by Ebony Marie Productions to write a family comedy treatment for their project, “Miss Popular.” Please find enclosed my resume which further explains my experience. Thank you for your time in reading this and I look forward to hearing from you.”
*My marketing plan is to send query letters to agents and managers, revamp my LinkedIn page and create a website.
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What I learned doing this assignment is creating hooks to form my synopsis draft.
Hook 1: Sasha’s lavish birthday party is ruined when she receives a BMW for her birthday gift instead of the Bentley she wanted.
Hook 2: Sasha’s parent’s kick her and her little foo-foo dogs out of their mansion.
Hook 3: Sasha’s cell phone and credit cards have been cancelled. She has no money and when she turns to her friends and boyfriend for help, they publicly ridicule her, and her boyfriend dumps her for one of her best friends.
Hook 4: Sasha sells her necklace to have enough money to stay at a motel, but in a bad part of town.
Hook 5: Sasha gets jobs for the first time, but her naivete causes her to lose them all, but when she gets hired at a homeless shelter, she begins to learn and grow.
Hook 6: Sasha falls in love with one of the residents at the homeless shelter and he teaches her how to budget, save money and shop at affordable places like Goodwill or the Dollar Store instead of the high-end stores she’s used to.
Hook 7: Her former rich boyfriend wants Sasha back, but not because he loves her, but he made a bet with the paparazzi that he could get her back on the “right side of the tracks.”
This touching family comedy is about SASHA (19), a spoiled socialite diva who has wealthy parents. Her father, WINSTON (40s), works for a successful media firm and her mother, MERCEDES (40s) inherited a large sum of money. Sasha has always been financially supported by her parents to the point she’s unappreciative and takes them for granted. Her daily activities consist of spending her parents’ money, partying with friends, joy riding in her luxury car, going to the salon and exchanging expensive gifts with her famous boyfriend, CHRISTIAN (19). Disappointed at her rotten attitude and carefree lifestyle, Mercedes and Winston’s patience is finally tested when they gift Sasha a BMW at her birthday party, but she dismisses it because it’s not the Bentley she wanted. They cut Sasha off financially and kick her out of the mansion. And to make matters worse, when she turns to Christian, he dumps her for one of her best friends and her close friends ridicule her in front of the tabloids. S<font face=”inherit”>he’s on her own and the whole world knows it. She manages to get temp </font>jobs but<font face=”inherit”> </font>sabotages all of<font face=”inherit”> them with her entitled attitude and naivete, but once she lands a job at a homeless </font>shelter,<font face=”inherit”> her eyes become opened. She falls for BRANDON (19), a resident at the shelter who takes her under his wing and shows her the ropes of survival. She becomes an asset to other residents at the shelter by helping them get jobs and get their lives together. But her character is tested when her old life comes calling… and what she chooses will determine if she’s truly changed her character for the better. </font>
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<div>What I learned doing this assignment is creating my elevator pitch:</div>
Elevator Pitch: A pampered and spoiled socialite diva gets financially cut-off by her rich parents and is forced to start at the bottom to learn to survive on her own, but this life change causes her to become independent, humble and have a new appreciation for her parents.
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A. What is most unique about your villain and hero?
My hero comes across as shallow and arrogant, but underneath she’s hiding a lot of fear as she embarks on adulthood. My villain is two-faced; he’s a famous heart throb but only cares about his own personal gain.
B. Major hook of your opening scene?
My protagonist is gifted with a BMW at her birthday party but throws a tantrum in front of guests at the fact it’s not the Bentley she wanted. Her parents are insulted and embarrassed, which is one of the main reasons they decide to financially cut off the protagonist
C. Any turning points?
My protagonist gets kicked out of her home and has to fend for herself for the first time. She goes from a mansion to a motel room. She becomes the laughingstock of the media.
D. Emotional dilemma?
My protagonist gets discouraged as she gets fired from many jobs.
E. Major twists?
My protagonist begins working at a homeless shelter and helps the residents get on their feet, in return they teach her about triumphing over struggles.
F. Reversals?
My protagonist’s boyfriend makes a bet with the paparazzi that he can get her back on the right side of the tracks, she takes him back but uses him to save the homeless shelter.
G. Character betrayals?
When my protagonist turns to her boyfriend for help and support, he dumps her for one of her best friends.
H. Or any big surprises?
Those who turned their back on my protagonists during her time of need end up getting financially cut off by their parents
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What I learned with this assignment is doing the format below for marketing myself & my work:
1. What is your specialty?
My specialty is family comedies with a dramatic elements and faith-based family movies.
2. How many producers do you have in your LinkedIn Network?
This is in progress as I’m trying to currently build that.
3. Looking at the list above titled “Increasing Your Perceived Value,” please tell us your plan for increasing your value in these three time frames:
A. Today – Revise my current writing resume
B. In the next 30 days – Seek producers that are seeking writers for hire
C. In the next 6 months – Continue applying to writing jobs that fit my genre as I complete other scripts of mine
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What I learned is presenting myself in a way that shows I’m a team player and collaborator when it comes to writing projects and working with others.
1. How will you present yourself and your project to the producer?
I would present myself by first sharing my previous work experience of certain writing jobs I’ve had in the past. I would then share the genres I write and then pitch my project. I would listen to their opinion about my pitch and mention that I’m flexible with any story changes/revisions and I’m open to hearing any ideas.
2. How will you present yourself and your project to the manager?
I would present myself and my project similar to the above. I would also mention some companies I would like to potentially work with that deal with the genre of stories I write. I would also be open to hearing any opinions/ feedback and share that I’m flexible and open to suggestions.
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What I learned is about marketing components to make my script interesting and stand out to a potential buyer. Out of the 10 components listed in the lesson, the 2 I choose are Timely and Great Role for a Bankable Character. Since my story is about a wealthy socialite, this theme is timely especially during this time of inflation. And it’s a great role for an actor who can deliver the character arc. The actor can be a newcomer or an established actor.
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What I learned is about having to make script changes by using notes from the producers.
Log Line: A spoiled young socialite, financially supported by her wealthy parents, suddenly gets cut-off by them and must learn to fend for herself for the first time.
Cut the budget in half: I would remove some scenes that feature an entourage and expensive cars. These kinds of scenes can be shows through still shots, or stock footage of certain mansions and cars, that connect the characters to this lavish lifestyle.
To write for a different audience: I will need to make the protagonist male if I’d like to target a male audience more.
Double the conflict: My protagonist can experience more with those at the shelter and during some of the jobs she’s sent on. I could increase the conflict at these locations by having her say the wrong comments or offend others.
Change the sex and character age: Male, mid 20s instead of female, 19
Change the genre: I can turn it into a drama instead of a family comedy
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Danielle Dillard Project & Market
Title, genre, concept:
The Cut-Off Heiress, family comedy/drama: a spoiled young socialite, supported by her wealthy parents, gets financially cut off and must learn to make it on her own.
What I think is most attractive about my story is it showcases the benefits of tough love.
I will target managers & agents because I’m currently seeking representation.
What I learned is thinking of venues I can use to market my script, such as the streaming market.
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Danielle Dillard – I agree to the terms of this release form
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by Danielle Dillard.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by
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Hello, I’m Danielle. I’ve written 5 screenplays and I hope to gain more knowledge about marketing scripts. I love writing & storytelling, but I also like to sing for fun 😊
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Danielle’s decreased budget:
What I learned doing this assignment is decreasing the budget and thinking of creative ways to improvise.
5 ways to decrease budget in my script is:
1. Eliminating the protagonist’s two dogs (this eliminates animal care) or narrowing it down to one dog
2. Less people for the paparazzi scenes (less extras)
3. Protagonist’s wardrobe – this can be downplayed with less jewelry and designer handbags. Pretend designer handbags can be used instead of the authentic ones
4. Remove the scene where the protagonist sneaks into the hotel suite – this eliminates the scene entirely, the Security Guard and the maid
5. Eliminate the live band that performs at the protagonist’s party, just have a DJ or music in the background
The high budget item I can eliminate is the club scene with the protagonist, her entourage and their expensive luxury vehicles. The dramatic goal of this scene is to prove how VIP they are, but it can be done by simply using a photo of the protagonist and her entourage on social media (the audience will get it) 🤩
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What I learned doing this assignment is improving on my treatment as I continue to work on it:
This touching family comedy is about SASHA (19), a spoiled socialite diva who has wealthy parents. Her father, WINSTON (40s), works for a successful media firm and her mother, MERCEDES (40s) inherited a large sum of money. Sasha has always been financially supported by her parents to the point she’s unappreciative and takes them for granted. Her daily activities consist of spending her parents’ money, partying with friends, joy riding in her luxury car, going to the salon and exchanging expensive gifts with her famous boyfriend, CHRISTIAN (19).
As Sasha celebrates her birthday, she’s expecting her parents to gift her with a new Bentley. But they give her a BMW instead. Disappointed, Sasha makes a spectacle of herself in front of guests as she refuses the car. Winston and Mercedes are humiliated and hurt, but at the same time they know they’ve created their “monster” daughter by spoiling her.
Winston lands Sasha an interview with a colleague of his, but Sasha ditches the meeting. She spends the day at the spa with her best friends instead. Winston and Mercedes’ therapist suggests cutting the apron strings. They are reluctant at first, but the therapist warns them that things could get worse if they continue enabling Sasha. Winston and Mercedes develop the nerve to try tough love.
Winston and Mercedes start by selling Sasha’s car, canceling her credit cards, and stopping her weekly allowances. They set a deadline for Sasha to find a job and she refuses. Sasha becomes more disrespectful and defiant, causing them to kick her out of their mansion with nothing but the clothes she’s wearing, her small dogs and her packed luggage.
Sasha goes to her best friends for help, but they belittle her new circumstance and notify the tabloids. She turns to Christian, but he dumps her and begins dating one of her best friends, causing the paparazzi to also flaunt that on social media. Sasha feels alone and afraid as she comes up with a new plan.
She rides the bus to her favorite five-star hotel. The hotel is booked due to a political convention, so she tries to get the manager to work something out. The manager remembers how she and her friends trashed a suite while partying last year and reminds her that she’s banned from the hotel. Sasha pretends to leave the premises and sneaks into a suite but gets caught by a maid. Refusing to leave, Sasha gets thrown out of the hotel by Security. She tries other hotels in the area, and they too have no vacancies. A hotel worker suggests she try the motels on the other side of the tracks. Hesitant but needing a place to stay, Sasha takes the bus to a less fortunate neighborhood.
As a motel receptionist reads the tabloids about Sasha, amazingly Sasha walks into the motel needing a room. The receptionist checks her in and notifies the tabloids that Sasha is staying there. The tabloids make fun of her new lifestyle and document her every move. Sasha has no clue about how to find work. Not having a cell phone, she uses the motel land phone to call the numbers on job ads.
Finally, she goes to an employment agency, but over fashionably dressed with her small dogs in tow. She doesn’t even know what a resume is. The job recruiter gives her a chance and sends her to several entry level jobs, but nothing works. Sasha’s naiveté and arrogance cause her to lose every job she’s referred to. The recruiter gives up on Sasha. Winston finds Sasha by reading the tabloids and visits her. He gives her encouragement and shares how he struggled years ago. Sasha begs to come back home, and he almost gives in, but tells her that he’s not going to be around forever, and she must learn to make it on her own.
Finally, the right gig comes across the recruiter’s desk, an assistant job at a homeless shelter, and she thinks Sasha is the one for the job. The shelter is hard for Sasha at first and her harsh comments offend the residents. However, a handsome co-worker, BRANDON (19), catches her eye and eases the situation. She learns that Brandon isn’t just a co-worker, but also a resident. He explains that he has no family and has been on his own due to a tragic past. Now Sasha realizes how fortunate she’s truly been. Brandon teaches her the ropes around the shelter and shows her his paintings. Sasha notices that Brandon and the others have unique gifts and talents. The shelter residents learn a lot from Sasha as she helps them dress for success and be more sophisticated. With her help, they’ve been able to land jobs and change their lives. She becomes a vital source that everyone relies on, and they teach her about independence and self-sufficiency.
Sasha’s transformation is tested when the shelter faces foreclosure due to low donorship and Christian tries to win her back. Brandon breaks up with Sasha because he can’t compete with Christian. Unbeknownst to Sasha, Christian made a bet with the tabloids that he could get her back on the “right side of the tracks.” Now Sasha is faced with two challenges… convincing Brandon that she’s no longer in love with Christian and trying her best to save the shelter.
Sasha plays Christian by making him believe she’ll give him a second chance. She tells him that one way to win her heart again is attend a fundraiser she’s doing for the shelter. Christian is reluctant on attending but agrees if it will get her back. Sasha also invites her former best friends and the paparazzi. During the fundraising event, Sasha asks Christian and her friends to donate big. Since the tabloids are present, they make large donations to look good to the public, which saves the shelter. Sasha rejects Christian publicly which proves to Brandon that she’s truly over him. Brandon and Sasha get back together.
Sasha begins her own business helping others and Winston and Mercedes are very proud of her. They admire her transformation. She’s more caring, thoughtful and mature. They now know that giving Sasha tough love was the right thing to do.
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* For some reason the formatting changed with a couple of my paragraphs in my previous email, sorry about that.
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What I learned about doing this assignment is how to put together a treatment. I’m in the beginning stages of doing so for my story:
Title: The Cut-Off Heiress
Genre: Family Comedy/Drama
Logline: A spoiled socialite gets financially cut off by her wealthy parents to learn how to fend for herself for the first time.
This touching family comedy is about SASHA (19), a spoiled socialite diva who has wealthy parents. Her father, WINSTON (40s), works for a successful media firm and her mother, MERCEDES (40s) inherited a large sum of money. Sasha has always been financially supported by her parents to the point she’s unappreciative and takes them for granted. Her daily activities consist of spending her parents’ money, partying with friends, joy riding in her luxury car, going to the salon and exchanging expensive gifts with her famous boyfriend, CHRISTIAN (19).
As Sasha celebrates her birthday, she’s expecting her parents to gift her with a new Bentley. But they give her a BMW instead. Disappointed, Sasha makes a spectacle of herself in front of guests as she refuses the car. Winston and Mercedes are humiliated and hurt, but at the same time they know they’ve created this monster of a daughter. They take their therapist’s advice and get Sasha a job interview, but she ditches it. They try other strategies, no luck. Winston and Mercedes have had enough so they try their therapist’s suggestion of tough love and financially cut Sasha off.
Winston and Mercedes sell Sasha’s car, cancel her credit cards, and stop her weekly allowances. Sasha becomes more disrespectful and defiant, causing them to kick her out of their mansion. Now she must find a job. Sasha goes to her friends for help, but they belittle her new circumstance. She turns to Christian, but he dumps her for one of her best friends. Not having a place to live or money for lavish hotels, Sasha is forced to stay at a run-down motel across town.
The tabloids make fun of her new lifestyle and document her every move. Sasha has no clue about how to find work. Finally, she goes to an employment agency, but over fashionably dressed with her small dogs in tow. She doesn’t even know what a resume is. The job recruiter gives her a chance and sends her to entry level jobs, but nothing works. Sasha’s naiveté and arrogance cause her to lose every job she’s referred to. The recruiter gives up on Sasha.
Finally, the right fit comes along… and the recruiter gets Sasha a job as a homeless shelter assistant. The shelter is challenging for her at first, and the residents don’t take to her well either. However, a handsome co-worker, BRANDON (19), catches her eye and eases the situation. She learns that Brandon isn’t just a co-worker, but also a resident. He explains that he has no family and has been on his own due to a tragic past. Now Sasha realizes how fortunate she’s truly been. She learns a lot from him, and he becomes her boyfriend.
The shelter residents learn a lot from Sasha as she helps them dress for success and be more sophisticated. With her help, they’ve been able to land jobs and change their lives. She becomes a vital source that everyone relies on.
Sasha’s transformation is tested when the shelter
faces foreclosure and Christian tries to win her back. Brandon breaks up with
Sasha because he can’t compete with Christian. Unbeknownst to Sasha, Christian
made a bet with the tabloids that he could get her back on the “right side of
the tracks.”Now Sasha is faced with two
challenges… convincing Brandon that she’s no longer in love with Christian and
trying her best to save the shelter. Sasha uses her wit and newfound maturity
to save the shelter in an unexpected way, causing her to regain Brandon’s heart
and make her parents proud. Not only do Winston and Mercedes see Sasha’s
growth, but so does the world, teaching everyone the benefits of tough love. -
What I learned most about this assignment is refining my script. I’m currently working on better dialogue between my characters (especially my protagonist and her mother, and my protagonist with her children) to capture stronger emotion within the scenes.
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Title: The Cut-Off Heiress
Genre: Family Comedy with touching elements
Log Line: A spoiled 19-year-old socialite, who takes gross advantage of her wealthy parents, gets financially cut off and must learn to make it on her own.
Synopsis: While some young adults are going to college or landing their first jobs, Sasha spends her life being pampered at spas, taking lavish trips and doing shopping sprees all on her parents’ credit card. When her parents decide to financially cut her off, she’s forced to make it on her own. While working with a job recruiter she goes on a slew of jobs, only to fail at them all but eventually gets hired at a homeless shelter. In this process she learns about the lives of those less fortunate and begins to appreciate her parents. As she befriends some of the residents, she helps them find work and they help her find a soft side she didn’t know she had. As her old life comes calling and when the shelter faces foreclosure, she must decide what’s most important and prove that she’s truly changed for the better.
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What I learned doing this assignment is making my first 10 pages intriguing. I’m still developing them, but I’m able to submit 5 pages of the story.
Set up: Sasha is expecting a shiny new Bentley for her 19th birthday party but spoils her own celebration when her parents surprise her with a BMW instead. Her parents have had enough of her rotten attitude. They give Sasha a deadline to become more independent and appreciative, but Sasha is determined to continue spending their money and doing what she wants, forcing her parents to soon cut the apron strings.
EXT. SASHA’S PARENTS’ MANSION, DRIVEWAY – NIGHT
The PAPARAZZI takes pictures as late model luxury, sport and vintage VEHICLES park in the circular driveway of the sprawling mansion.
LATE TEENS, immaculately dressed, get out of the cars carrying expensive gifts and head to the front door.
SASHA, a stunning 19-year-old woman fashionably dressed in pink and carrying two POMERANIANS, opens the door and greets her friends.
FRIENDS
Happy birthday, Sasha!
Sasha happily kisses everyone.
INT. FOYER – CONTINUOUS
The foyer introduces the lovely home.
An oil painting of Sasha and her two Pomeranians hangs on the wall. Her friends place the gifts under the painting with the other stacks of presents.
LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
A DJ plays MUSIC as several other friends of Sasha dance throughout the immaculate home. The place looks like a night club with strobe lighting and an open bar. The sign above the open bar reads, VIRGIN DRINKS AND SODAS.
EXT. BACKYARD – CONTINUOUS
Sasha leads her Guests to the backyard. More friends swim in the pool, some get cozy in the hot tub and others stand in the sushi line. WINSTON, debonair and late 40s, lovingly grabs Sasha.
WINSTON
So, my princess, did your pops represent for your birthday or what?
SASHA
This party’s awesome, Daddy. You’re the best.
Sasha kisses Winston on the cheek and puts her dogs down.
WINSTON
Is it more awesome than your party last year when we had that snow machine turn this place into a winter wonderland?
SASHA
Hmmm, not quite, but this year’s indoor club isn’t bad.
WINSTON
As long as my princess is happy.
SASHA
I am. So…
WINSTON
So…
SASHA
Daddy, my Bentley.
WINSTON
What about it?
SASHA
Where is it?
Winston doesn’t answer.
SASHA
Oh, it’s still being custom designed?
WINSTON
Nope.
SASHA
It’s in the garage and you’re gonna wheel it out at any moment?
WINSTON
Nope.
SASHA
(angry)
Daddy!
WINSTON
It’s on stage.
Winston turns Sasha around to face the patio which has a gigantic birthday cake on a platform stage.
SASHA
My Bentley is inside of an oversize birthday cake?
WINSTON
Attention, everybody! May I have your attention please!
Everyone quiets down. The MUSIC from indoors stops and people come outside.
WINSTON
Sasha’s mother and I would like to thank you all for coming to her nineteenth birthday party this evening.
Everyone CHEERS. Sasha flashes a conceited smile.
WINSTON
I’d like to take this time to present Sasha’s birthday gift. Everyone put your hands together for five-time Grammy award winning, multi-platinum band… Risky Barbarians!
RISKY BARBARIANS, a hip group of young males, busts out of the birthday cake on stage. They perform as everyone goes wild and surrounds the stage. Winston looks to Sasha for approval.
WINSTON
Happy birthday, princess.
SASHA
(disappointed)
Daddy… where’s my Bentley?
WINSTON
Princess, Risky Barbarians are performing. They’re your favorite group.
SASHA
Yeah, like two years ago. I’m not into bands anymore, Daddy. I only like solo singers now, like Ramira.
WINSTON
Princess…
Sasha storms off to CHRISTIAN, a handsome 19-year-old guy dancing by the stage, who is also her boyfriend. Sasha grabs him by the arm and pulls him inside of the house.
INT. LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Sasha stomps into the living room and plops on the couch. Christian sits next to her.
CHRISTIAN
What’s wrong, babe?
SASHA
Risky Barbarians are singing in my backyard.
CHRISTIAN
So?
SASHA
If I wanted a Risky Barbarians concert I would’ve downloaded it on YouTube. I’m supposed to be getting the keys to my new Bentley right now.
CHRISTIAN
Hey, my dad helped your dad pull major strings at their record label so they could perform here tonight and all you can think about is that stupid Bentley?
SASHA
Christian, you don’t get it. I told him I wanted that car for my birthday.
CHRISTIAN
Just drive mine, Sash. It doesn’t have plates yet. No one will know it’s not yours.
Sasha begins to cry.
CHRISTIAN
Oh, babe, don’t worry about the Bentley. Besides, you already have a hot ass Range Rover.
SASHA
Yeah, but it’s old. I’ve had it since my sweet sixteen party and I can’t keep driving a three year old car. My rep is on the line.
CHRISTIAN
Here.
Christian reaches in his suit pocket and pulls out an expensive jewelry box. He puts the box in her lap.
SASHA
What’s this?
CHRISTIAN
I was gonna save it for later, but you can use some cheering up right now.
Sasha opens the box and sees a jaw dropping diamond necklace.
SASHA
Christian, it’s beautiful.
CHRISTIAN
You’re beautiful.
He kisses her and puts the necklace on her.
CHRISTIAN
Come on. There’s a party out there waiting for you.
Christian takes her hand and leads her outside.
EXT. BACKYARD – CONTINUOUS
Sasha and Christian enter the yard. Winston sees that Sasha has returned and rushes on stage. He stops Risky Barbarians’ performance.
WINSTON
(on the microphone)
I’m sorry, guys, but my daughter doesn’t seem to be in a musical mood right now. Perhaps her next birthday gift will put a smile on that gorgeous face of hers. Mercedes, darling, wheel it in!
A car HORN is heard. MERCEDES; Sasha’s mother, late 40s and elegant, drives a new convertible BMW with a big red bow on the hood into the yard.
MERCEDES
Happy birthday, sweetheart!
Everyone APPLAUDS. Winston goes to kiss Sasha. She shoves him away.
SASHA
Is this some stupid joke?
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*Please disregard my previous email, I’m able to access the material now. Thank you.
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Hi, I haven’t been receiving emails regarding this class. Am I still on the mailing list? The last email I received was for Assignment 4 last week but nothing since then. I emailed Support last week but haven’t received a reply as of yet. I’m not receiving the lessons. Thank you.
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What I learned about doing this assignment is utilizing this checklist. It allows me to go deeper and make certain characters stronger. And I’m currently giving one of my lead characters a stronger voice and more scenes. This is an excellent checklist.
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In doing this assignment I learned about really analyzing my script and adding missing scenes and/or enhancing missing & current scenes:
Act 1
Opening/old Ways: Tina has a pattern of picking the wrong men to date. She moves too fast in relationships and moves her new love interest in her home without really knowing them. She exposes her kids to new relationships, and it has an effect on them.
Inciting Incident: Tina receives a grim prophecy from a woman at her church about her ways.
Turning Point: Tina’s current boyfriend ends up taking advantage of her to the point she wants to move on with someone else. She kicks this man out of her home. Her kids know someone else will soon fill his place. The unknown of who it is can be scary & intriguing at the same time.
Act 2
Tina decides to date again, but her new love interests is more interested in younger women which makes Tina feel worse about herself.
Tina decides to stop looking in clubs and tries to attract “better” men by going to museums, lectures and volunteers more at her church by recruiting new members.
Tina meets Barry, a guy who is interested in being a Sunday School teacher at her church, but in subtle ways his interests are more in the little girls at the church, not Tina. Tina is blind to his nuances.
Act 3
Tina spends time with Barry to the point she moves him in, and he immediately bonds with her children. There is extra attention he gives her daughter, Jayla. Tina learns that Barry lied about his job, now she doesn’t trust him and wants him to leave. He becomes abusive. It causes her to look within.
Tina goes to therapy and realizes she has a lot of pain from her past. She wants to work on her emotional issues and heal from the past. She’s beginning to see her dysfunctional pattern.
The stronger she tries to be, the more Barry breaks her down.
Act 4
When Tina finds out Barry is a pedophile, she must choose between her kids’ safety and having a man. She kicks Barry out but didn’t expect for Jayla to run away looking for him.
Tina must get her daughter back before Barry hurts her, but she can’t find them. She turns to her church for support and prayer. Her church family helps. Tina looks within again and wants to change. This forces her to repent and rely on faith that her daughter is kept safe.
Tina’s prayers are answered, and she gets Jayla back unharmed. Now she decides to completely change her life.
Missing Scene 1 – Tina talks to Jayla about Barry
INT. CAR – NIGHT
Tina sees Jayla standing on the street corner shivering. She quickly pulls over to her. Jayla gets in the car and Tina drives off.
TINA: Don’t you ever run away like that again…
JAYLA: I’m sorry.
TINA: I’m so glad he didn’t hurt you. Running after this man like he your daddy and –
JAYLA: He is!
TINA: No, he’s not!
JAYLA: Yes, he is and you pushed him away.
Tina pulls over and parks. Jayla’s a little scared.
TINA: Barry’s not a nice guy, Jayla. There’re things you don’t know about him. Grown up things.
JAYLA: Like what?
TINA: He’s not nice to little girls. I mean, he is in a way, but he can change. He’s not like a daddy. He’s like…
JAYLA: Oh no, like Mr. Nelson?
TINA: Who’s Mr. Nelson?
JAYLA: There was this girl at my summer camp last year. Melanie. She said Mr. Nelson, a teacher at her school, touched her. Her parents got him fired.
TINA: You didn’t tell me any of this…
JAYLA: Well, you were busy dating Tito then. I didn’t think you would really care.
Tina is hurt.
TINA: I’m so sorry, Jayla. I exposed you and Daylen to guys that were not the best.
JAYLA: So, who are you gonna date now?
TINA: No one, baby, no one. I’m working through some things. I’m trying to get right. I want to be a good mother, do things different this time.
Jayla smiles and hugs Tina.
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What I’m learning most about doing this assignment is really brainstorming missing scenes. I’ve thought of one in particular but still working on them:
Missing Scene 1 – Tina talks to Jayla about Barry
Beginning: Tina gets Jayla back and she wonders why Tina kicked him out.
Middle: Tina explains to Jayla that Barry is not a nice man, and she shouldn’t see him as a “dad.”
End: Jayla understands.
INT. CAR – NIGHT
Tina sees Jayla standing on the street corner shivering. She quickly pulls over to her. Jayla gets in the car and Tina drives off.
TINA: Don’t you ever run away like that again!
JAYLA: I’m sorry.
TINA: I’m glad he didn’t hurt you. Running after this man like he’s your daddy and –
JAYLA: He is!
TINA: No, he’s not!
JAYLA: Yes, he is, and you pushed him away.
Tina pulls over and parks. Jayla’s a little scared.
TINA: Barry’s not a nice guy, Jayla. There’re things you don’t know about him. Grown up things.
JAYLA: Like what?
TINA: He’s not nice to little girls. I mean, he is in a way, but he can change. He’s not like a father. He’s like…
JAYLA: Oh no, like Mr. Nelson?
TINA: Who’s Mr. Nelson?
JAYLA: There was this girl at my summer camp last year. Melanie. She said Mr. Nelson, a teacher at her school, touched her. Her parents got him fired.
TINA: You didn’t tell me any of this…
JAYLA: Well, you were busy dating Tito then. I didn’t think you would really care.
Tina is hurt.
TINA: I’m so sorry, Jayla. I exposed you and Daylen to guys that weren’t the best.
JAYLA: Who are you gonna date now?
TINA: No one, baby, no one. I just want to spend time with you and your brother.
Jayla smiles.
JAYLA: Okay, Mommy.
Tina hugs Jayla.
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What I learned doing this assignment is breaking down the following elements, and I’m looking forward to learning more about budgets.
Genre: Comedic Family Drama
Title: The Cut-off Heiress
Concept: A spoiled 19-year-old socialite gets financially cut off by her wealthy parents
Audience: Family, young adults, kids
Budget: 20 million
Lead Characters: Sasha (diva socialite), Winston (Sasha’s father, media mogul), Mercedes (Sasha’s mother), Brandon (Sasha’s love interest)
Journey/Character Arc: A shallow young woman learns how to become humble, appreciative and caring as she experiences fending for herself for the first time.
Opening/Ending: Sasha is pampered, spending the day at the spa with her rich friends, and late-night partying every night. Sasha’s parents kick her out of their mansion, Sasha stays at a motel and soon a homeless shelter.
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What I learned doing this assignment is thinking of ways my protagonist can now be victorious with her new normal:
Scene 4 – Resolution
Tina becomes a mentor.
Beginning: Tina, with newfound strength and growth, decides to help other women who are going through what she’s gone through.
Middle: Tina gives counseling to single women at her church.
End: Tina becomes a mentor by helping women let go of emotional pain, refrain from picking mates that are abusive, and she encourages women to bond with their children in the process.
INT. CHURCH – DAY
Montages of Tina sitting behind a desk in an office at her church counseling various women who are discouraged. The women become enlightened and uplifted as they converse with Tina.
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What I learned doing this assignment is creating my climax scene. However, I’m still brainstorming other ways to build this scene.
Key Scene 3 Climax – Barry and Tina reunite
Six months later
Beginning: Tina is a changed woman. She’s stronger and has worked through her emotional issues. She’s more focused on her children and is counseling other women at her church.
Middle: Barry shows up at her church asking if they can get back together. He apologizes for any misunderstandings and the abuse. He explains that his friend is the one who planted the secret camera in Jayla’s toy during the time they had a barbeque, not him. Barry says he’s changed too for the better and is honest about his life.
End: Tina no longer desires Barry and dismisses a second chance with him. She forgives him yet makes it clear that she’s content with being on her own.
INT. CHURCH – DAY
Six months later.
Tina, looking happier and with a kinder demeanor, humbly greets guests that come into the church. The next guest to greet is a handsome well-dressed man wearing dark shades.
TINA: Good morning, welcome to New Beginnings Church.
The man removes his shades. It’s Barry. Tina is disgusted.
BARRY: It’s been a long time.
TINA: What are you doing here, Barry?
BARRY: I’m here to make amends. Can we talk?
TINA: I’m busy –
BARRY: It’ll only take a second.
Tina and Barry step aside privately.
TINA: What?
BARRY: I miss you.
Tina is about to walk off when he grabs her arm.
TINA: You better let go of me.
Barry lets go.
BARRY: I apologize, okay, for everything. Listen, I miss your kids too. I want you to know it wasn’t me who put that camera in Jayla’s toy. It was my boy, Rick. Remember when we had that barbeque?
TINA: Yeah, and?
BARRY: Rick was there. He must have snuck off to do it. It wasn’t me, Tina.
TINA: Whatever, Barry. I have to go.
BARRY: Wait. I want a second chance. I’m so sorry for everything. I’ve changed. And I got a real job this time… at another church of all places. No lies. And I’m getting help with my anger –
TINA: I’ve changed too. And the new me doesn’t want you.
BARRY: Tina…
TINA: Look, I forgive you, but I’m over you. And I don’t want a second chance with any man right now. Goodbye, Barry.
Tina goes back to greeting guests. Upset, Barry leaves.
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What I learned in doing this assignment is trying to capture strong emotion in my protagonist’s dilemma scene:
Additional Act 3 Scene- Protagonist faces her dilemma
Beginning: Tina is distraught that Jayla has ran after Barry. There’s a prayer event at her church that she originally wasn’t planning to attend. She decides to go.
Middle: Tina goes to her church and sees the same woman from Act 1 who gave her a bitter prophecy. Tina cries out. The woman consoles her.
End: Tina repents for her past and gains spiritual faith.
INT. CHURCH – NIGHT
Tina enters the church and sees the women at her church praying together. The women are surprised to see her. Tina is worried, upset and distraught. The same woman that gave her a bitter prophecy before notices and comes to her aid.
TINA: My baby… she ran after him… if he hurts her, it’s my fault… I’m so sorry…
The woman consoles Tina and continues to pray.
WOMAN: It’s gonna turn around. It’s gonna be okay.
TINA: How do you know?
WOMAN: Because you’re ready to change.
Tina cries as she continues to pray.
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What I learned doing this assignment is thoroughly vocalizing my specialty, so I know my place in this industry.
My specialty is writing screenplays in the faith-based family and family genres.
The films I watched: I’m Not Him & The Goonies
I’m Not Him is a faith-based film about a man who gets diagnosed with cancer, prays and suddenly is healed and is mysteriously blessed with the gift to help others heal.
Jimmy is diagnosed with cancer, and he goes to church to pray. He gets healed and discovers that when he prays for others to heal, they miraculously get healed too.
Jimmy becomes the talk of the town to the point he draws media attention and people call him a prophet. People in his community ask him to help heal the family members of others.
Jimmy gets accused of “playing God” especially during times when the people he prays for end up passing away. Not everyone is healed, and he receives backlash for it.
He is taken to trial with having to prove to a doubting judge and attorney that he did not cause the ones he prayed for to die. He isn’t believed and the judge is about to sentence him to jail, but Jimmy prays, and the presence of God shows up in the courtroom and turns the trail around in Jimmy’s favor. The judge apologizes for falsely accusing him of murder. Jimmy is cleared.
Jimmy continues to help others pray for healing. Some are helped, others end of passing away but perhaps that in itself is the “healing” because they’re no longer suffering. Jimmy continues to help others despite false accusations against him and he tells people he’s not the one with any power, God is.
At Jimmy’s funeral in the future, his grown daughter acknowledges the spiritual help he’s given to many and shares the lessons he taught her and her family.
The Goonies:
The Goonies is a family film about a group of kids facing the fact that their residential neighborhood will get torn down by property developers who plan to build a country club. In order for them to save their neighborhood, they decide to test if an urban legend about a pirate having a secret treasure is true and they go on the hunt to find the riches.
Mikey, his big brother Brand and Mikey’s wide assortment of friends, known amongst themselves as “The Goonies,” complain about a developer who plans to tear down their neighborhood. Mikey’s friends are Mouth (blunt and comedic), Data (an intelligent inventor), and Chunk (a heavyset klutz). They find an old treasure map in Mikey’s attic. Brand and Mikey’s friends think the map is just part of an old urban legend about a pirate named One-Eyed Willy who had a treasure. Mikey is convinced that the legend is true. They find old articles of others who tried finding the treasure but fatally failed.
Mikey and his friends ditch Brand to go on the hunt for the treasure. In the process they have a run in at a closed-down restaurant owned by the Fratelli’s, a criminal team consisting of a feisty old mother and her two adult bandit sons. The Goonies find out that the Fratelli’s have a bad reputation yet their restaurant location matches the clues of the treasure map so they do what they can to find the fortune.
While in the Fratelli’s restaurant, they discover that Mother Fratelli has another son named Sloth that she keeps chained to the wall. Although his distorted facial features and humongous body frame is frightening, he’s actually a gentle giant who later befriends Chunk. Brand shows up with Andy (his pretty school crush) and her friend, Stef (Mouth’s crush), who all join in Mikey’s search for the treasure while Chunk gets caught by the Fratelli’s.
During their search for the treasure, they encounter a slew of life-threatening booby-traps but prevail each one. The Fratelli’s follow their tracks and soon Chunk and Sloth follow. After much adventure, The Goonies finally find the pirate ship, the treasure which is an abundance of jewels, and the remains of One-Eyed Willy himself. They grab the gems and try to escape, but the Fratelli’s catch up with them and demand they fork over the jewels.
With Chunk and Sloth’s help, they’re finally able to escape the Fratelli’s and reunite with their families. The Fratelli’s are captured by authorities and Chunk offers Sloth to become a part of his family. As Mikey’s dad is about to sign away his home, their maid discovers a bag of gems in a coat pocket which saves their neighborhood from demolition. The Goonies cheer as One-Eyed Willy’s pirate ship is seen sailing away in the distance.
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What I learned doing this assignment is thinking of strong scenes for Act 3. Still thinking on it, however I thought of a scene to add to Act 3:
Beginning: Jayla calls Barry and he picks her up at a street corner. Jayla tells him that she considers him her dad and wants him to come back. Barry says her mother doesn’t love him anymore and he can’t come back, but she’s welcome to stay with him. Jayla accepts.
Middle: Barry offers to take Jayla with him to a hotel since he was just kicked out of Tina’s home and doesn’t have an apartment just yet. Jayla accepts and they head to the hotel.
End: As Barry drives, he gets mysteriously ill. The more he continues to drive, the worse his health gets. He hears a voice in his head tell him to let Jayla go. He tells her to get out of the car, she does, and he speeds off, leaving her in a strange neighborhood. Jayla, afraid, calls Tina to pick her up.
Barry sees Jayla standing on the street corner waving at him. He pulls over and she gets in his car.
BARRY: Your mother let you come out here?
JAYLA: I ran away.
BARRY: Jayla…
JAYLA: I had to, you’re like my dad and I want you to come back and stay with us.
BARRY: Your mom doesn’t love me anymore, Jayla. I can’t go back. Do you still love me?
JAYLA: Yeah, that’s why I want you to come back. Or me and Daylen can stay with you from now on.
BARRY: That’s sweet, but I don’t have a home yet, sweetie. Your mom just kicked me out, but we can go to a hotel tonight.
JAYLA: Okay. Then we can pick Daylen up tomorrow.
BARRY: Sounds good to me. Let’s go.
As Barry drives on, he suddenly has a sharp pain in his chest. He starts to swerve.
JAYLA: Barry, are you okay?
Barry can’t speak, his pain worsens. He pulls over.
MALE VOICE (only Barry can hear): If you want to live, let her go.
Barry thinks he’s hearing things. His pain worsens. Finally…
BARRY: Get out, Jayla.
JAYLA: Why? Are you okay?
BARRY: Get out!
Jayla, confused, reluctantly gets out of the car. Barry speeds off. Jayla, afraid, looks around the strange neighborhood. She pulls her cell out of her pocket and calls Tina.
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What I learned doing this assignment is creating my lowest of the low moment for my protagonist.
Key Scene 4 – Tina lets Barry go
Beginning: Tina rejects Barry’s marriage proposal. She tells him that she knows he’s been spying on her daughter, and she will press charges. Barry acts like he doesn’t know what she’s talking about. He tries to console her, but she threatens to call the police.
Middle: Tina’s kids come in from playing outside. Barry leaves. The kids don’t understand why he’s leaving and want him to stay.
End: Tina’s kids are upset and blame her for kicking him out like she’s done all the other guys they liked. They don’t let Tina explain and accuse her of being a bad mom. Her daughter runs away to find Barry. Now Tina is afraid that he’ll hurt Jayla. Tina has regret from how she’s gone from man to man in the past up until now. If Barry hurts Jayla, Tina feels she’s the one responsible.
INT. TINA’S APARTMENT, JAYLA’S BEDROOM – DAY
Tina angrily unhooks the camera from Jayla’s stuffed toy. Barry walks in the room.
BARRY: There you are. Get packed. We’re going to Vegas. Booked a flight and an appointment at a wedding chapel. Let’s do this.
TINA: How long have you been watching my daughter?
BARRY: What?
Tina throws the camera at him.
BARRY: What’s this?
TINA: If you’re not out in sixty seconds I’m calling the police.
BARRY: This camera’s not mine! I don’t know what you’re talking about!
Tina takes off the engagement ring and throws it at him.
TINA: I’m done. I’m so done. Yeah, I put up with the hitting for a minute, but spying on my daughter –
BARRY: I’m not spying on your daughter, Tina! I’m not a pervert!
TINA: I see the way you look at her, I see how you hug her, I see –
Barry aggressively approaches Tina and is about to strike her.
TINA: Do it and I’m calling the cops! Do it!
Barry backs off. A door slams in the bg. Jayla and Daylen sprint in the room.
BARRY: Who wants to go to Vegas?
JAYLA: I do!
DAYLEN: Me too!
TINA: We’re not going to Vegas, Barry. Get out or we will.
JAYLA: What’s going on?
BARRY: Your mom wants me out, Jayla. I better get out.
DAYLEN: What?
Barry leaves the room.
JAYLA: What did you do, Mom?
TINA: Be quiet, Jayla.
JAYLA: What did you do this time?!
TINA: I said quiet!
A door SLAMS in the bg. Jayla and Daylen dart to the living room. Tina follows.
LIVING RROM – CONTINUOUS
Jayla and Daylen watch Barry from the window. He drives off. Daylen cries. Jayla tries to go after him, but Tina stops her.
JAYLA: Let me go! I want my daddy!
TINA: He’s not your daddy.
JAYLA: Let me go!
TINA: Jayla, no, he’s not a good man. Listen to me, me dating Barry was a mistake.
JAYLA: That’s what you always say! I want my daddy!
TINA: Stop it, Jayla! You know darn well Barry’s not your dad. Stop it!
JAYLA: It’s not fair!
TINA: I’ll show you what’s not fair. Wait till you see what he’s been putting in your toys.
Tina goes back to Jayla’s bedroom.
Jayla: Don’t worry, Daylen, I’ll get Daddy back.
Jayla runs out of the apartment. Tina returns with the stuffed animal and camera. She anxiously looks around for Jayla.
TINA: Where’s Jayla?
DAYLEN: She went to get Daddy back.
Tina sprints outside.
EXT. TINA’S APARTMENT – CONTINUOUS
Tina frantically searches for Jayla.
TINA: Jayla! Jayla!
Jayla is nowhere in sight. Tina falls to her knees crying and praying.
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What I learned doing this assignment is creating middle scenes for Act 3. I have a tentative outline, but I’m still working things out in my mind regarding the second and third scenes of Act 3 and still deciding on how I’m going to put it together. This is my tentative outline in the meantime of these scenes:
Scene 2 – Tina in therapy:
Beginning: The therapist helps Tina figure out that she’s being abused but it’s not the first time. She helps her realize there’s a pattern of abuse in her life.
Middle: The therapist helps Tina think about her past. Tina reflects on past hurt of neglect and abandonment. She reflects on her troubled relationship with her mother due to their past.
End: The therapist helps Tina come up with a plan to leave Barry and turn her life around for the better so she can continue to heal. Tina is ready to commit to getting emotionally better.
Scene 3 – Barry wants to marry
Beginning: Tina makes her plan of escape.
Middle: Tina packs her things and the belongings of her kids. While packing her daughter’s things, she sees a small camera positioned in her daughter’s favorite stuffed toy.
End: Tina learns that Barry has been watching her daughter. Barry unexpectedly walks in and announces that he’s booked a flight for them to go to Las Vegas that night. He’s scheduled an appointment at a chapel in Vegas to for him and Tina to marry.
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What I’m learning doing this assignment is really analyzing my credibility and thinking of ways to add to it:
My credibility:
Bachelor of Arts Degree, CSULA, Screenwriting
Winner, OBS Storytelling Competition
Writer, Greystoke Entertainment
Writer, The Cortez Brothers
Reader/ Story Coverage, Guy Hanks Marvin Miller Writing Program
How to Increase My Credibility:
Query more agents and managers
Apply to job ads looking for a writer for hire
Query independent producers and send them my resume
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What I learned doing this assignment is creating a Reaction/Rethink scene for my protagonist in Act 3. For the first time my protagonist, Tina, is accepting help.
Act 3 Key Scene – Reaction/Rethink (Tina has been hit by Barry. She considers getting help)
Beginning: Tina researches domestic abuse hotlines on her cell phone and calls.
Middle: Tina confides in the receptionist on the hotline and tells her that she’s being hit by Barry.
End: Tina arranges an in-person appointment with a counselor.
INT. TINA’S CAR – DAY
Tina sits in her car researching domestic violence help centers on her cell phone. One catches her eye, and she dials. It rings. She hangs up. She takes a deep breath and dials again. It rings again and…
FEMALE VOICE (on the speaker phone): Barker Crisis Center, how may I help you?
TINA: Hello?
FEMALE VOICE: Yes, I’m Sue. How can I help?
TINA: I’m, uh, I wanted to know more about counseling.
SUE: Will it be for you or someone you know?
TINA: Yes… for me.
SUE: Ok, great and just so I can put you with the right therapist, is there anything specific you’d like counseling for?
TINA: Uh… hitting.
SUE: Domestic violence counseling?
TINA: Yes.
SUE: Is the hitting being done to you, or have you hit someone?
TINA: It’s being done to me.
SUE: By a spouse or friend –
TINA: Boyfriend… he’s been hurting me.
SUE: I have an opening tomorrow any time after one. You’ll meet with Katie.
Tina starts to cry a little.
SUE: Hello?
TINA: Sorry, yes, I’m here. I can do one-thirty.
SUE: Great, I’ll put you in. And may I have your name?
TINA: Tina Johnson.
SUE: We’ll see you tomorrow, Ms. Johnson. And I don’t know if you live with your boyfriend but if you don’t feel safe, please go to our website and call the eight hundred number to stay at a secret location. If you have children, they can connect you with housing that takes kids. They can also help you get a restraining order and file a police report –
TINA: It’s okay, my boyfriend is out of town until next week. I’m safe for right now. Thanks for your help.
SUE: Anytime, Ms. Johnson, see you tomorrow.
Tina hangs up. She’s nervous and relieved at the same time.
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What I learned doing this assignment is making an additional scene in Act 2 that follows my midpoint point scene. I outlined this additional scene and didn’t want any dialogue because I wanted the protagonist to capture the emotion.
INT. BATHROOM – CONTINOUS
Beginning: Tina looks at the bruise forming on her face.
Middle: She takes a good look at herself in the mirror with regret.
End: She dries her tears and puts on makeup to cover the bruising.
INT. TINA’S APARTMENT, BATHROOM – CONTINUOUS
Tina goes to the dark bathroom and turns on the light. She reluctantly looks at her face in the mirror. She sees a bruise under her eye. She cries while taking a good look at herself. She has an expression of regret.
She grabs a tissue and wipes her tears. She opens the nearby cosmetic bag and pulls out makeup. She covers the bruise with the makeup. Her phone CHIRPS. She pulls it out of her pocket and sees a text from BARRY with a picture of a lip emoji kissing. She looks at herself again in the mirror and turns off the bathroom light.
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What I learned doing this assignment is focusing on my mid-point. My character is learning how to deal with an antagonist that refuses to leave her household, unlike the others in her past relationships. Now she’s forced to acknowledge the mistake she made in the process.
Scene 4 Outline – The Midpoint
Beginning: Tina confronts Barry in person as to why he lied about working at the elementary school and says she still wants him to move out. He stares at images on his cell phone as she rants.
Middle: Barry says he just paid her landlord six months of rent in advance and he’s not going anywhere.
End: Tina asks how he can afford to pay her rent upfront for the next six months and what does he really do for a living. Barry hits her. She now knows that she made a big mistake getting involved with Barry and getting rid of him will be more challenging in comparison to her past relationships.
Written scene:
INT. TINA’S APARTMENT – LATER
Tina rushes into the living room and sees Barry on the couch staring at his cell phone.
TINA: Thanks for hanging up on me. What, you didn’t think I’d come here? I took the day off to make sure you’re moving out. Then I’m asking the landlord to change the locks. I want you out now.
BARRY: I just saw the landlord.
TINA: For what?!
BARRY: Paid the rent for the next six months. She’s a nice lady.
TINA: You what?
Barry, aloof, stays focused on his cell phone.
TINA: If you’re not working at the elementary school then how were you able to pay the rent for the next 6 months? What the hell do you really do?!
Barry still ignores her. Tina rushes to him and tries to grab his cell phone. He strikes her across the face causing her to fall to the floor.
Barry: I live here. If I want to pay the rent six months in advance, I’ll pay the rent six months in advance. Gonna get those shoes Jayla wanted. Have that spaghetti you make ready when I get back.
Barry grabs his keys and leaves. Tina, in shock and disbelief, cries.
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Forgot to mention that what I learned from the teleconference are creative ways to get writing assignments such as networking with producers, agents, etc. It was a very informative teleconference. Thank you.
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Hello, I’m Danielle and I’ve written 5 scripts. I’m looking forward to learning more about writing assignments 🙂
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I agree to the terms of this release form
-Danielle Dillard
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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What I learned doing this assignment is creating a plan for my protagonist and making it fail.
Danielle Dillard’s Act 2 Middle Scenes:
Act 2 (Key scenes 2 & 3)
INT. TINA’S APARTMENT – DAY
Beginning: Tina comes home from work early and is surprised to see Barry at home. He’s playing video games with her kids.
Middle: Tina asks Barry why he’s at home when he said he had to work. Barry ignores her and keeps playing the video game.
End: Tina turns off the video game and demands an answer. Barry says he’s going to work the next day. Tina says she wants to know why he didn’t go to work today. He asks the kids if they want pizza, and they say yes. He leaves the apartment to get pizza. Her kids turn the video game back on and resume playing.
EXT. ELEMENTARY SCHOOL – DAY
Beginning: Tina parks in front of an elementary school. She carries a basket of fresh muffins. She heads to the office.
Middle: Tina asks the receptionist what classroom Barry teaches in so she can surprise him with the muffins. The receptionist says there’s no Barry Brooks that teaches at the school.
End: Tina calls Barry and blasts him out for lying about his job. She tells him that she wants him out of her house. He tells her he’s not going anywhere and hangs up.
Key Scene 2
INT. TINA’S APARTMENT, LIVING ROOM – DAY
Tina, just coming in from work, walks in and is surprised to see Barry and the kids on the couch playing video games.
TINA: What are you doing here?
BARRY: I live here.
TINA: Why aren’t you at work? I saw you leave for work this morning.
BARRY: I decided to stay home. And why are you here early?
TINA: I took the afternoon off. You left for work and came back? What, were you sick?
Barry keeps playing video games with the kids.
TINA: Hello?
BARRY: I didn’t go to work today, alright. Who wants pizza?
DAYLEN: I do!
JAYLA: Me too.
BARRY: Me three. I’ll be back.
Barry grabs his keys.
TINA: Are you gonna answer me?!
Barry leaves. Daylen turns on the video game and he and Jayla resume playing. Tina is pissed. She grabs her cell and calls Barry. We hear his VOICEMAIL. She hangs up.
Key Scene 3
EXT. ELEMENTARY SCHOOL – DAY
Tina pulls in front of an elementary school. She gets out of her car carrying a decorative basket of muffins. She heads to the administrative office.
INT. ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
Tina approaches the RECEPTIONIST, a late 20s woman.
TINA: Hi, I’m here to surprise a teacher with muffins, uh, Barry. Barry Brooks.
RECEPTIONIST: Mr. Brooks? We don’t have a Mr. Brooks that teaches here. We have a Mr. Brookenstein though.
TINA: No, it’s Barry. Barry Brooks.
The Receptionist looks up his name in the computer. Nothing.
RECEPTIONIST: Sorry, ma’am. There’s no teacher here by that name. Are you sure you have the right school?
Tina bolts out of the office.
EXT. ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
Pissed, Tina throws the muffin basket in the nearby trash can. She pulls out her cell from her purse and dials.
BARRY: (off screen, on the phone) Hey, baby.
TINA: Why the hell did you lie to me about your job?!
BARRY: What are you talking about?
TINA: I’m at the joint! The bitch at the front desk said you don’t even work here!
BARRY: What are you doing checking up on me –
TINA: Get out of my house! I want you outta there by the time I get home. Pack your stuff and get out! I’m not having a man lie to me about a job! What else you lying about?! Get out!
BARRY: I’m not going anywhere. We’re engaged, remember?
TINA: Potentially engaged. You said if things don’t work out then you can get your money back on this ring you gave me!
BARRY: I said if things don’t work out on MY terms, then I’ll get my money back. This issue is not on MY terms; therefore, we’re still engaged. And I’m not going anywhere.
Barry hangs up. Tina calls him back. We immediately hear his voicemail. Tina stomps to her car.
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What I learned in doing my assignment is I think I went a little too fast with my Act 1 structuring. I slowed the pace when making some changes to the ending of my first act to introduce the second act.
The end of Act 1 is Barry moves in with Tina and her kids. The start of Act is Barry giving her a ring to bring a deeper level of their relationship.
Tina’s reaction to turning point. Key Scene 1 – ACT 2
INT. TINA’S APARTMENT – DAY
Beginning: Tina wakes up to Barry bringing her breakfast in bed, but it’s not food, it’s a ring.
Middle: Barry “potentially” proposes to Tina in hopes that their relationship will continue to go well.
End (Turning Point): Tina accepts and is happy to be potentially engaged, but she notices a subtle affection that Barry gives her daughter that causes her to do a double take but she’s in a deeper level of the relationship now.
Scene 1 of Act 2:
INT. TINA’S BEDROOM – DAY
Tina wakes up to Barry entering the room carrying a tray of covered food.
TINA: Morning, what’s this? You made me breakfast?
Barry gives her the plate. She uncovers it and sees nothing but a ring.
TINA: What the…
BARRY: Listen, no pressure, but I know when something is right. And this feels right.
TINA: Are you asking me to marry you?
BARRY: Potentially, yes. It’s a potential proposal. If things continue to go well, cool. If not, then I’ll get my money back.
TINA (laughing): You’re so stupid.
BARRY: Put it on.
Tina puts it on and admires it. DAYLEN and JAYLA busts in the room cheering.
TINA: Wait, ya’ll knew about this?
DAYLEN: Yep!
JAYLA: We’re gonna have a potential dad!
BARRY (to Jayla): That’s right, baby.
Barry takes Jayla’s hand and strokes it. Daylen jumps on the bed with excitement. Tina leans in to kiss Barry, but he pulls back and continues talking with Jayla while still holding her hand. Tina notices but brushes it off and laughs at Daylen dancing with excitement.
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Danielle – Act 1 outline scene additions
What I learned doing this assignment is adding in scenes to my outline while still working on writing the actual script. I’m still putting it together. In the meantime, I’ve added additional scenes to my outline for Act 1.
EXT. APARTMENT – DAY
Beginning: Protagonist Tina smiles and opens her front door for her boyfriend who is standing in her doorway carrying a box of his belongings. There’s a moving truck outside. They kiss and he comes in. Her two children wave at him. Tina does a voiceover introducing who this man is.
Middle: Montages of this boyfriend constantly on the couch playing video games and watching TV as Tina leaves/returns from work. Tina opens the door and throws the box of his belongings out of her apartment. She throws him out of the apartment. Her two children wave goodbye at him. Tina does a voiceover explaining his freeloading ways and why she threw him out.
End: Quick one by one montages of Tina smiling and opening her front door to other boyfriends (shown one at a time). Each one carries a box of belongings as the moving truck is seen in the background. Her children wave at each man. We see each man’s flaw that angers Tina. More one by one montages of these men getting kicked out of her apartment just like the first boyfriend. The children wave goodbye in each montage to each man. Tina’s voiceover explaining what happened & how discouraged she feels.
Turning Point: After a dysfunctional pattern Tina is alone, her greatest fear. She wants to find another love interest.
INT. CHURCH – DAY
Beginning: Tina sings a beautiful hymn in front of the congregation. Everyone feels the song with strong emotions, except for a woman in the front looking at Tina in disgust while everyone else is applauding.
Middle: Tina meets eyes with the woman, and they give one another mean looks while everyone else is praising.
End: During the sermon, Tina is on her cell phone conversing with men on a dating website.
INT. CHURCH, WOMENS RESTROOM – LATER
Beginning: Tina primps herself in front of the mirror and the woman from before who glared at her with disgust comes out of the stall. There’s a moment of awkward silence.
Middle: The woman gives Tina a bitter prophecy about her lifestyle and leaves the bathroom.
End: Tina is offended. Tina’s friends enter the bathroom, and she tells them what happened.
Turning point: The prophecy has Tina thinking about her life. Tina’s a little frightened but is still determined to find another man.
EXT. RESTAURANT – LATER
Tina and her friends talk at a restaurant about their love lives. One friend is a lot like Tina. The other has changed her life for the better.
INT. TINA’S MOTHER’S HOUSE – DAY
Tina visits her mother in hopes she’ll watch the kids while she has a date with someone she met online. There’s unsettling dialogue between them showing a painful past. Her mother doesn’t approve of Tina’s lifestyle today. Tina leaves. Her mother prays for Tina and her grandchildren.
INT. CLUB – NIGHT
Tina meets with a man she met online. He’s not interested in a woman with kids, and he’s checking out the younger women while taking with Tina. As she talks about herself, he’s making eyes at the other ladies, so she leaves. She’s a little discouraged.
INT. CHURCH – DAY
Beginning: Barry, well dressed, intensely scopes out the children playing in Sunday school. He blends in with the other parents, but stares at the little girls… especially Tina’s daughter. Tina heads to the choir room to get a microphone and Barry catches her eye on the way. She’s attracted to him and introduces herself. She asks if his child is in the Sunday school, he says no and wanted to talk to someone about teaching Sunday school. Tina introduces him to one of the teachers who says they’re not looking to bring another teacher on board at this time.
Middle: Barry and Tina continue to talk. He says he’s new to the church and was invited by a friend. They get more acquainted. Tina suggests he join the church. Barry says he will only if she goes out with him. Flattered, she agrees.
End: When Tina’s not looking Barry quickly takes a picture of her daughter on his cell phone and sneaks out of the church.
Turning Point: Tina is going out with Barry not knowing his attraction towards her own daughter.
EXT. AMUSEMENT PARK – DAY
Beginning: Montages of Barry, Tina and her kids having a great time at an amusement park.
Middle: Montages of Barry taking Tina’s kids to school, being romantic with Tina and fixing up her home.
End: Montages of Barry, Tina and the kids having dinner together, playing video games and looking like a happy family. Barry moves in.
Turning Point: Tina is taking another risk, but this time with a man who really seems like the right one for her this time.
INT. TINA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Beginning: Tina walks in and sees Barry sitting on the couch playing video games with her kids. She tells Barry she went to the elementary school he said he works at and was told that he doesn’t work there. She demands an explanation. Barry plays it cool in front of the kids and casually asks where’s her trust in him. Tina responds with where’s the truth and wonders why he lied about his work.
Middle: Barry ignores her and continues playing the video game. Tina turns it off. Her kids gripe. Barry keeps his composure. She tells the kids to go next door to their neighbor’s apartment for a few minutes. When the kids leave, Barry strikes her across the face and tells her to never question his whereabouts again.
End (INCITING INCIDENT): Barry apologizes with an engagement ring. He puts it on Tina’s finger.
Turning Point: Although she was just hit, she’s now engaged. She’s in this bad relationship that will only get worse.
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<div>What I learned doing this assignment is creating Turning Points. I weaved in Turning Points throughout each scene in my ACT 1 outline. It helped me think of ways to enhance what I wrote before and keep the story moving. </div>
EXT. APARTMENT – DAY
Beginning: Protagonist Tina smiles and opens her front door for her boyfriend who is standing in her doorway carrying a box of his belongings. There’s a moving truck outside. They kiss and he comes in. Her two children wave at him. Tina does a voiceover introducing who this man is.
Middle: Montages of this boyfriend constantly on the couch playing video games and watching TV as Tina leaves/returns from work. Tina opens the door and throws the box of his belongings out of her apartment. She throws him out of the apartment. Her two children wave goodbye at him. Tina does a voiceover explaining his freeloading ways and why she threw him out.
End: Quick one by one montages of Tina smiling and opening her front door to other boyfriends (shown one at a time). Each one carries a box of belongings as the moving truck is seen in the background. Her children wave at each man. We see each man’s flaw that angers Tina. More one by one montages of these men getting kicked out of her apartment just like the first boyfriend. The children wave goodbye in each montage to each man. Tina’s voiceover explaining what happened & how discouraged she feels.
Turning Point: After a dysfunctional pattern Tina is alone, her greatest fear. She wants to find another love interest.
INT. CHURCH – DAY
Beginning: Tina sings a beautiful hymn in front of the congregation. Everyone feels the song with strong emotions, except for a woman in the front looking at Tina in disgust while everyone else is applauding.
Middle: Tina meets eyes with the woman, and they give one another mean looks while everyone else is praising.
End: During the sermon, Tina is on her cell phone conversing with men on a dating website.
INT. CHURCH, WOMENS RESTROOM – LATER
Beginning: Tina primps herself in front of the mirror and the woman from before who glared at her with disgust comes out of the stall. There’s a moment of awkward silence.
Middle: The woman gives Tina a bitter prophecy about her lifestyle and leaves the bathroom.
End: Tina is offended. Tina’s friends enter the bathroom, and she tells them what happened.
Turning point: The prophecy has Tina thinking about her life. Tina’s a little frightened but is still determined to find another man.
INT. CHURCH – DAY
Beginning: Barry, well dressed, intensely scopes out the children playing in Sunday school. He blends in with the other parents, but stares at the little girls… especially Tina’s daughter. Tina heads to the choir room to get a microphone and Barry catches her eye on the way. She’s attracted to him and introduces herself. She asks if his child is in the Sunday school, he says no and wanted to talk to someone about teaching Sunday school. Tina introduces him to one of the teachers who says they’re not looking to bring another teacher on board at this time.
Middle: Barry and Tina continue to talk. He says he’s new to the church and was invited by a friend. They get more acquainted. Tina suggests he join the church. Barry says he will only if she goes out with him. Flattered, she agrees.
End: When Tina’s not looking Barry quickly takes a picture of her daughter on his cell phone and sneaks out of the church.
Turning Point: Tina is going out with Barry not knowing his attraction towards her own daughter.
EXT. AMUSEMENT PARK – DAY
Beginning: Montages of Barry, Tina and her kids having a great time at an amusement park.
Middle: Montages of Barry taking Tina’s kids to school, being romantic with Tina and fixing up her home.
End: Montages of Barry, Tina and the kids having dinner together, playing video games and looking like a happy family. Barry moves in.
Turning Point: Tina is taking another risk, but this time with a man who really seems like the right one for her this time.
INT. TINA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Beginning: Tina walks in and sees Barry sitting on the couch playing video games with her kids. She tells Barry she went to the elementary school he said he works at and was told that he doesn’t work there. She demands an explanation. Barry plays it cool in front of the kids and casually asks where’s her trust in him. Tina responds with where’s the truth and wonders why he lied about his work.
Middle: Barry ignores her and continues playing the video game. Tina turns it off. Her kids gripe. Barry keeps his composure. She tells the kids to go next door to their neighbor’s apartment for a few minutes. When the kids leave, Barry strikes her across the face and tells her to never question his whereabouts again.
End (INCITING INCIDENT): Barry apologizes with an engagement ring. He puts it on Tina’s finger.
Turning
Point: Although she was just hit, she’s now engaged. She’s in this bad relationship that will only get worse. -
What I learned doing this assignment is learning how to develop an inciting incident to help define my protagonist’s journey.
EXT. AMUSEMENT PARK – DAY
Beginning: Montages of Barry, Tina and her kids having a great time at an amusement park.
Middle: Montages of Barry taking Tina’s kids to school, being romantic with Tina and fixing up her home.
End: Montages of Barry, Tina and the kids having dinner together, playing video games and looking like a happy family.
INT. TINA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Beginning: Tina walks in and sees Barry sitting on the couch playing video games with her kids. Tina’s concerned and tells Barry she went to the elementary school he said he works at and was told that he doesn’t work there. She demands an explanation. Barry plays it cool in front of the kids and casually asks where’s her trust in him. Tina responds with where’s the truth and wonders why he lied about his work.
Middle: Barry ignores her and continues playing the video game. Tina turns it off. Her kids gripe. Barry keeps his composure. She tells the kids to go next door to their neighbor’s apartment for a few minutes. As the kids leave, Barry kind of checks out Tina’s daughter as she and her brother leave the apartment. Tina notices. When the kids leave, Barry strikes her across the face and tells her to never question his whereabouts again. He takes the keys to her car and leaves.
End (INCITING INCIDENT): Tina gets up from the floor. She goes into the bathroom and sees blood on her nose. She looks at herself in the mirror knowing she’s made a mistake moving Barry in. She’s scared and knows she’s in deep. (This begins her journey of having to get away from a violent man to not only protect herself, but also her children).
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What I learned doing this assignment is how to create a speed outline of my scenes.
OPENING SCENE OUTLINE – Introduction of Protagonist
EXT. APARTMENT – DAY
Beginning: Protagonist Tina smiles and opens her front door for her boyfriend who is standing in her doorway carrying a box of his belongings. There’s a moving truck outside. They kiss and he comes in. Her two children wave at him. Tina does a voiceover introducing who this man is.
Middle: Montages of this boyfriend constantly on the couch playing video games and watching TV as Tina leaves/returns from work. Tina opens the door and throws the box of his belongings out of her apartment. She throws him out of the apartment. Her two children wave goodbye at him. Tina does a voiceover explaining his freeloading ways and why she threw him out.
End: Quick one by one montages of Tina smiling and opening her front door to other boyfriends (shown one at a time). Each one carries a box of belongings as the moving truck is seen in the background. Her children wave at each man. Each man has a flaw that angers Tina. More one by one montages of these men getting kicked out of her apartment just like the first boyfriend. The children wave goodbye in each montage to each man. Tina does a voiceover explaining each man’s arrival and departure.
INTRODUCTION OF ANTAGONIST SCENE
INT. CHURCH – DAY
Beginning: Barry, well dressed, intensely scopes out the children playing in Sunday school. He blends in with the other parents, but stares at the little girls… especially Tina’s daughter. Tina heads to the choir room to get a microphone and Barry catches her eye on the way. She’s attracted to him and introduces herself. She asks if his child is in the Sunday school, he says no and wanted to talk to someone about teaching Sunday school. Tina introduces him to one of the teachers who says they’re not looking to bring another teacher on board at this time.
Middle: Barry and Tina continue to talk. He says he’s new to the church and was invited by a friend. They get more acquainted. Tina asks for his number and says they should hang out sometime. Barry agrees. Tina tells him to enjoy the sermon and heads to the choir room to get the mic. Barry watches her strut off and focuses back on her daughter.
End: When Tina goes into the choir room, Barry quickly takes a picture of her daughter on his cell phone and leaves the church.
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What I learned doing this assignment is really getting into my antagonist’s head.
Danielle’s Beat Sheet Draft 2
Act 1
Opening – EXT. Apartment – DAY
Montages of Tina kicking out various boyfriends and the kids watching
Theme: Be careful who you let into your life.
TE 1: Tina wants to make a change in finding the right man
INTICING INCIDENT: Montage of Tina meeting Kenny, they look happy, cut to him in front of the TV each day while she goes to work, insert other montages of him mooching. Tina kicks him out. The kids watch.
Placeholder: How does Tina feel, what are her thoughts? How does this affect the kids?
TE 2: A woman at Tina’s church gives her a bitter prophecy about her lifestyle.
Placeholder: How does Tina feel about this? What does it make her do/think?
Act 2
INT. Church – Day
Barry is hanging around the Sunday school area and catches Tina’s eye. He’s warm, she’s interested.
Antagonist’s agenda: He’s hanging around the Sunday school area to scope out the kids. He sizes up Tina and asks if she has any children. He asks about their dads to see if they’re in the picture or not. If they’re not around, he has more access to the kids without their dads’ protection. He offers to teach them things like fishing, enhancing their basketball skills or helping them with tough subjects in school. Says he’s an elementary substitute schoolteacher.
TE 1: Barry asks Tina out. He seems to be the perfect package she’s been looking for in a mate.
Placeholder: Barry says the right things and they have a lot in common. Tina thinks this is the right man for her. She meets his family, his kids. There are romantic feelings on both sides.
INTICING INCIDENT: Tina invites Barry to move in with her and her kids.
Placeholder: The kids start to like him, they post fun videos with him, he helps them with their homework. He’s romantic with Tina.
Antagonist’s agenda: Barry is grooming the kids. He’s gaining their trust for his own benefit. He’s flirting with Tina’s daughter, but in a friendly, jovial way that seems innocent. He offers to spend daddy/daughter time together. He buys her toys and nice clothes. She sees him as a father figure.
TE 2: Tina catches him in a couple lies about his job.
Antagonist’s agenda: Distract Tina with domestic violence. The focus goes on the abuse, not his work. This will emotionally break Tina down so he can continue getting close to her daughter.
Theme: Be careful who you let into your life.
Placeholder: How does Tina feel? Betrayal? Suspicion? Disloyalty?
ACT 3
INT. School – DAY
Tina decides to surprise Barry at his job but finds out he doesn’t work there.
Theme: Be careful who you let into your life.
Placeholder: How does Tina feel about this? Who does she tell?
TE 1: Tina confronts Barry about his work, and he becomes violent.
Antagonist’s agenda: Increase violence to gain more control over Tina. He’s careful to not abuse Tina when the kids are around because he wants to maintain their affection and trust.
Placeholder: What is Tina feeling now? How does she respond to the violence? What does she do, call the police, give Barry another chance?
INTICING INCIDENT: Tina sees questionable images of kids on Barry’s phone and computer. And he wants to spend more time than usual with her daughter.
Theme: Be careful who you let into your life.
Placeholder: How does this make Tina feel, is she worried? How does she handle this?
TE 2: Barry’s abuse against Tina escalates. Tina notices that Barry has been in her daughter’s room. Tina confronts him.
Antagonist’s agenda: Barry is able to get in Tina’s daughter’s personal space.
Theme: Be careful who you let into your life.
Placeholder: How does Barry respond? How is Tina handling Barry’s abuse and lies? How is she coping? Are the kids witnessing the abuse? Does she hide any injuries, and does she tell anyone?
ACT 4:
INT. Church – Day
Tina has a breakdown. She recalls her painful past.
TE 1: Tina gets help and her assignment is to confront the person who has hurt her in the past. Tina confronts her mother, and they rehash the past.
Placeholder: What does Tina remember? How does Tina heal and move forward? Why does she want to change? Will she forgive?
INTICING INCIDENT: Tina finally kicks Barry out after a bad fight, but when he leaves her daughter goes after him to find him. Her daughter has bonded with him and sees him as her beloved father figure that’s she’s never had.
Antagonist’s agenda: Barry knows that leaving will devastate Tina’s daughter. He leaves expecting her to put up a fight. She does and runs away to be with him. He coaxes her on to further lure her to him.
TE 2: Tina finds out about Barry’s record of being a child abuser. She gets her daughter back.
Placeholder: Tina’s fear and desperation on finding her daughter. Tina’s transformation and strength. How will she get her daughter back? Will she get her back before Barry hurts her?
Theme: Be careful who you let into your life.
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<div>What I learned in doing this assignment is how to create a beat sheet in a speed-writing fashion.</div>
Danielle’s High Speed Beat Sheet:
Act 1
Opening – EXT. Apartment – DAY
Montages of Tina kicking out various boyfriends and the kids watching
TE 1: Tina wants to make a change in finding the right man
INTICING INCIDENT: Montage of Tina meeting Kenny, they look happy, cut to him in front of the TV each day while she goes to work, insert other montages of him mooching. Tina kicks him out. The kids watch.
Placeholder: How does Tina feel, what are her thoughts? How does this affect the kids?
TE 2: A woman at Tina’s church gives her a bitter prophecy about her lifestyle.
Placeholder: How does Tina feel about this? What does it make her do/think?
Act 2
INT. Church – Day
Barry is hanging around the Sunday school area and catches Tina’s eye. He’s warm, she’s interested.
TE 1: Barry asks Tina out. He seems to be the perfect package she’s been looking for in a mate.
Placeholder: Barry says the right things and they have a lot in common. Tina thinks this is the right man for her. She meets his family, his kids. There are romantic feelings on both sides.
INTICING INCIDENT: Tina invites Barry to move in with her and her kids.
Placeholder: The kids start to like him, they post fun videos with him, he helps them with their homework. He’s romantic with Tina.
TE 2: Tina catches him in a couple lies about his job.
Placeholder: How does Tina feel? Betrayal? Suspicion? Disloyalty?
ACT 3
INT. School – DAY
Tina decides to surprise Barry at his job but finds out he doesn’t work there.
Placeholder: How does Tina feel about this? Who does she tell?
TE 1: Tina confronts Barry about his job, and he becomes violent.
Placeholder: What is Tina feeling now? How does she respond to the violence? What does she do, call the police, give Barry another chance?
INTICING INCIDENT: Tina sees questionable images of kids on Barry’s phone and computer. And he wants to spend more time than usual with her daughter.
Placeholder: How does this make Tina feel, is she worried? How does she handle this?
TE 2: Barry’s abuse against Tina escalates. Tina notices that Barry has been in her daughter’s room. Tina confronts him.
Placeholder: How does Barry respond? How is Tina handling Barry’s abuse and lies? How is she coping? Are the kids witnessing the abuse? Does she hide any injuries, and does she tell anyone?
ACT 4:
INT. Church – Day
Tina has a breakdown. She recalls her painful past.
TE 1: Tina gets help and her assignment is to confront the person who has hurt her in the past. Tina confronts her mother, and they rehash the past.
Placeholder: What does Tina remember? How does Tina heal and move forward? Why does she want to change? Will she forgive?
INTICING INCIDENT: Tina finally kicks Barry out after a bad fight, but when he leaves her daughter goes after him to find him. Her daughter has bonded with him and sees him as her beloved father figure that’s she’s never had.
TE 2: Tina finds out about Barry’s record of being a child abuser. She gets her daughter back.
Placeholder: Tina’s fear and desperation on finding her daughter. Tina’s transformation and strength. How will she get her daughter back? Will she get her back before Barry hurts her?
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What I learned doing this assignment is identifying transformational scenes in my story.
Old ways of Tina Johnson:
Pattern of bad relationships, not valuing quality time with her children, letting fear of being alone cause her to lack discernment about the men in her life, operating on greed and selfish desires, not taking heed to warnings from her mother, kids & friends in her life
New ways of Tina Johnson:
Recognizing flaws in Barry, recognizing flaws in herself, willing to really get to know her children, being more astute, developing strength and wisdom, learning how to love and value herself, developing a healthy self-love
6 – 8 steps to transformation:
1. Montage of bad relationships.
2. Tina finally meets a great guy and moves him in, but he ends up being a moocher. She kicks him out. She makes him give back her keys to her apartment, her car keys and credit cards. As he’s packing his things, she’s conversing with other guys online to find a replacement. Her kids are concerned about who will move in next.
3. Tina meets Barry who is loving, fun, friendly and loves kids. Her kids start to like him, and they form a tight bond. Soon she moves him in.
4. Barry isn’t honest about his job and other things. Tina starts to doubt him and think she made a mistake, but he reassures her that he’s a nice guy and there’s nothing to worry about. She ignores her instincts and what she sees.
5. Barry becomes abusive towards Tina with put downs, insulting comments and abuse. Tina notices that Barry spends too much time with her daughter. Tina receives warnings that Barry may be a predator, and she begins noticing nuances.
6. Tina learns that Barry is a pedofile and must get him out of her home. She’s angry at herself for not acknowledging the signs. She begins to reflect on abuse from her childhood and looks within. She seeks spiritual growth and overcomes past trauma and resentment. She changes her old ways.
7. She gets rid of Barry, but her daughter (not knowing that he’s a pedofile), sees him as a father figure and goes to him. Now Tina must try to get her daughter back before he abuses her.
8. After a challenge, Tina is able to get her daughter back before abuse takes place and becomes a better mother in the process. She’s not only careful of who she picks as a mate and allows in her home, but she’s also careful of who she lets into her life. She’s transformed for the better and is now a strong, astute, grounded and cautious individual who loves herself in a healthy way.
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What I learned doing this assignment is discovering a detailed tool in putting my story together.
Concept: After a pattern of dating the wrong men, Tina finally meets a great guy but there’s one problem… he’s violent.
Main Conflict: Barry has abused Tina but gained the hearts of her kids in a majestic way, causing them to turn against her. When Tina escapes Barry, her kids go back to him because he’s the only father figure they have, but Tina must get them back before he hurts them.
(Tina) Old ways: Moving too fast in a new relationship, selfish desires, falling too soon.
(Tina) New ways: Being more astute, investigating who she’s with, discovering who she is.
Act 1:
Opening: Tina Johnson kicks her freeloading boyfriend out of her apartment. While he’s packing his things, she’s texting with other guys on a dating website & eager to replace him with another man. She begins dating. Her kids wonder who their next “dad” will be.
Inciting Incident: Tina meets Barry who seems to be the complete package she’s looking for. She feels she finally hit the jackpot with finding him because he likes children and he’s financially independent.
Turning point: Tina moves Barry in her apartment but he’s very secretive, sneaky and has a temper. He announces that he’s not going anywhere and that she’s stuck with him.
Act 2:
New Plan: Tina catches Barry at home during times he’s supposed to be at work. She also catches him in a few lies. She gets suspicious and decides to investigate.
Plan in Action: Tina begins spying on Barry and following him around. She’s witnesses him going to various houses and visiting strange people when he’s supposed to be working.
Midpoint Turning Point: Tina decides to have a talk with Barry to find out more about him. He becomes violent during her questioning. However, he stays nice towards her children to the point they begin to trust him. Soon it’s Barry and her kids against her.
Act 3:
Rethink everything: Tina thinks she’s made a mistake, but Barry makes it up to her. He reassures her that he’s “in between jobs” and he apologizes for losing his temper. He wants to start over. Things start to look promising.
New Plan: Barry becomes more abusive and controlling to the point Tina plans an escape.
Turning Point: As Tina escapes Barry, she finds out that the person who’s helping her flee is actually a friend of Barry’s that’s setting her up to go right back to him. She has no hope. She’s burned her relationships with friends and family. She feels alone and has no one while Barry continues to abuse. Tina starts looking within and decides to make a change.
Act 4:
Climax Ultimate Expression of the conflict: Tina gets the help she needs. She finally leaves Barry, but her kids still love and trust him. They go back to him. He threatens Tina by saying he’ll hurt her kids.
Resolution: Tina regains her kids. Barry gets arrested for all he’s done. Tina has changed as a person.
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What I learned doing this assignment is how important it is to know significant details about my protagonist & antagonist for further character development.
Protagonist: Tina Johnson
1. I’m Tina Johnson, early 30s single mother of 2 and I work in hospital administration.
2. I’m called to this journey because I’m in need of spiritual growth and better self-care.
3. I’m up against myself, my antagonist, Barry, whose mission is to destroy me & my family. It’s difficult because Barry has such good qualities that I’ve been wanting in a man.
4. Changes are recognizing I made a big mistake in choosing Barry.
5. Habits that are hard to let go are taking the time for me to know a potential love interest before trusting too quickly.
6. I fear being alone and being lonely. My insecurities are feeling that I’m not loveable and my wounds are past abandonment by authority figures.
7. Knowledge of submitting to a higher power.
8. I don’t want others to know that I’m emotionally fragile underneath my narcissism.
9. Having a stable life and healing from past baggage.
10. I thought Barry was the answer to my prayers, but I was wrong. I never thought he’d turn out to be a liar, manipulator and abuser.
11. It allows me to realize that I’m a little blinded to the true colors of someone I’m dating due to my own selfish needs and desires.
Antagonist: Barry Brooks
1. I’m Barry Brooks, an early 30s elementary school substitute teacher.
2. My strength is I know women and how to get into their heads & emotions, especially single mothers because there’s a neediness to them. My weakness is I like using the ill mindedness of insecure women to my benefit.
3. I’m helping Tina recognize that I’m a predator that plays on her emotions.
4. I get the benefits of Tina taking care of me by moving me in her apartment, taking on some of my expenses and idolizing me. All I have to do is live this facade that we’re a “real family.”
5. Self-gratification drives me to my agenda to feed my appetite to abuse women and have them adore me at the same time, kind of like a pimp.
6. My secrets are I’m a liar. I lie about things to capture the interests of women. If she says she’s into art or golfing, I’ll mention I’m into the same thing. Immediately we’re connecting. I’ve also done time in the joint. And I was abused by my female babysitter when I was a kid.
7. What makes me special is I’m basically a nice guy. I love kids and I like being the “hero” to them. Their dads are deadbeat, so they look to me to attend their after-school functions or games. And I get extra brownie points with women for this aspect alone.
8. Others seeing parts of me that are broken. I’m basically a nice guy, but I’m also a sociopath.
9. I was on a mission looking for a new woman. Tina was gullible and let me in right away. Now I can run her and her household but I’m not to blame, like I said, SHE let me in.
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What I learned in doing this assignment is further enhancing my character’s personality for better story development.
Character: Tina Johnson
What draws us to this character: People can relate to her desire to be loved in a good romantic relationship. And since she’s also a single mother, people can relate to her need to have a father figure help raise her children.
Traits: Talented singer, professional, educated, sarcastic, cold, naive, selfish
Subtext: Has a harsh exterior which covers her inner pain. She has a fragile ego and needs validation from others that she’s loved
Flaw: She moves to quickly in romantic relationships, she’s a target for men to take advantage of her financially and emotionally, doesn’t value herself
Values: Love, romance, attention, sense of belonging, partnership
Irony: She loves “being in love” but doesn’t love herself. She wants to love but has a hardened heart.
What makes this the right character for the role: She’s a good candidate to learn how to release emotional baggage, overcome her painful past and love herself before being able to love someone else.
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What I learned doing this assignment is further enhancing key elements in my story such as the who the protagonist really is underneath her exterior and her goal, and further defining the role of the antagonist.
My protagonist, Tina, will play the hero. With a pattern of dysfunctional romantic relationships, she will look within herself to examine the dysfunction and explore how she can make a better change.
My antagonist, Barry, will play the predator – a charismatic and romantic love interest whose goal is to abuse and destroy Tina and her family.
The supporting characters are Tina’s best friends (Nicole and Sydney) who support and encourage Tina but in different ways. Nicole supports Tina’s current lifestyle yet Sydney encourages her transformation/arc. Tina’s mother is also a supporting character who looks out for her best interest.
Genre is a touching drama/family story.
Tina’s role is to show how a bitter/insecure woman can become enlightened and empowered. She’s an early 30s, single mother of two children.
Internal Journey: desperate for love, but from the wrong men which comes with consequences that not only affect her, but also her children
External Journey: Learning how to love/value herself and turn her weaknesses into strengths while also becoming a better mother in the process
Motivation: To be loved, to be healed
Wound: Abandoned by her father as a youth and at times neglected by her mother
Mission/Agenda: To protect herself and her kids from Barry
Secret: She has unresolved anger towards her mother which has a domino effect on her own parenting
What makes her special: She’s able to remove her mask and face suppressed emotions when it’s time to make a change, and learn that real love comes from within
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What I learned from this assignment is to look deeper into my protagonist and her arc.
My hero is Tina, a bitter single mother who desires a loving romantic relationship yet chooses the wrong men and doesn’t recognize her own weaknesses. When a new love interest becomes abusive, it causes her to look within and change her life for the better.
Internal journey: chooses the wrong men to date, has no regard for bringing the wrong men around her children, has no healthy boundaries & allows men to play her for a fool
External journey: learns to love and value herself, seeks spiritual growth, spends quality time with her children, no longer puts her worth into the wrong men, overcomes a painful past
Old ways: Seeks love, acceptance and attention from the wrong men, financially supports mooching men who take advantage, puts men priority over her children, has unresolved anger and resentment from her troubled past
New ways: Develops inner strength, heals from the past, values herself and her children, no longer desires false love or fears being alone, stops settling for the wrong men
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My name is Danielle, I’ve written 5 scripts. I look forward to taking the content of my writing to a deeper level. I look forward to this course. Thank you.
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Name: Danielle Dillard
I agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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Thank you Susan, and your piece was well done! It had me laughing, great work!
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Hi Christi, thank you for the feedback. And thank you for the email address, will hold on to it. My schedule is a little tight but will try to connect soon.
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Hi Susan thank you for the feedback. Sorry for late reply I had technical difficulties but I’m able to get in the website now. Great suggestion about me adding that info, will do. Thanks a lot for the feedback. I read yours too and really liked it. Great twist at the end with the flat tires on the bike! I wasn’t expecting that! Well written scene, I would probably shorten the dialogue with the waiter while they’re ordering and get right into what they did to the other girl until the cops show up, but well done & intriguing.
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Hi Christi, sorry for the late response, I had technical difficulties with this website for 4 days and just now able to get in. Thank you for the feedback! I’m still trying at these scenes. I read yours also. I like how you made Maxine a cat. I thought the dialogue flowed. I was thinking for a little more conflict maybe Renee could talk/argue with the landlord about the no pet policy inside her apartment and she does her best to hide any trace of the cat while the landlord is inside. There could be comedic scenes like the landlord trips over a cat toy but Renee makes excuses that it’s not really a cat toy but something else. Then the landlord could finally leave after Rene’e tries covers up any evidence of having a pet and succeeds, but then the landlord comes back and says Renee can have a pet after all, then the cat comes out. All in all, well done.
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Hi Christi, thank you for the feedback, much appreciated. I’ll think about turning it into a feature. Ok, will let you know when I get to the part of discussing the comments, thanks again 🙂
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Hi Susan, thank you, that’s a good idea about reading it out loud. I’ll do that. Thank you kindly for the feedback.
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I like the comedic elements, especially the part where she offers to draw them on with eyeliner 🙂 Nicely done dialogue as well.
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Very amusing characters and I liked the dialogue. Very visual piece as well. Nicely done.
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Very interesting. I like the time period and the tiger was a twist I wasn’t expecting. Your Squire was very amusing. Interesting read!
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Oh wow, thank you. And I’m looking forward to reading yours as well as I’m getting caught up with the assignments.
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Thank you 🙂
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Thank you, the writing group sounds good… but because of my work schedule, I’ll have to pass on it this time but that you for informing me about it 🙂
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Hi Susan, thank you for your message. I’m sorry, I had some things come up in my life that I had to tend to, but I’m back and going to be catching up on my assignments. I hope all is well with you and your writing 🙂
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Hi, Christi, thank you so much! My apologies for the late reply, I had some situations in my life come up these past few weeks but I’m back in class and going to be catching up on my assignments. I hope your writing is going well 🙂
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Thank you, and I look forward to your rewrite too, yours is very visual and I like the concept.