[David Ennocenti]

David Ennocenti High Concept and Elevator Pitch
What I learned doing this assignment: To be concise and at the same time dynamic. Catch the eye of a producer rather than tell a story.
HIGH CONCEPT: World War Two’s greatest sniper; a Russian woman from the University of Kiev.
THE HOOK: “No soldier escapes her crosshairs.”
BIGGEST DILEMMA: The protagonist has to overcome objections from her own army.
MAIN CONFLICT: To drive the invading German forces from her Russian homeland
THE STAKES: The future of her Russian homeland. Being free from Nazi rule.
THE OPPOSITION: She has to deal with opposition not only from enemy soldiers but also from her own army. Her goal is to be the best sniper.
ELEVATOR PITCH: When Nazi Germany invades her Russian homeland, a 24-year-old University of Kiev student enlists in the Russian Red Army Rifle Division as a sniper. She has to overcome the objections of her own army while fighting the enemy.

[David Ennocenti]

David Ennocenti, Sniper Queen
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” Use hooks when both writing and pitching your story.
The Hooks
COM
1) . Unique. It’s about a woman war hero in WWII. She was a sniper in the Russian Red Army Rifle Division.
2) Ultimate. This woman was the best of the best.
3) Wide audience appeal. It should appeal to the audience that liked American Sniper, other action/war movies, and movies about influential and trailblazing women.
4) Similarity to a box-office success. American Sniper, G.I. Jane
MIT
1) The opening scene begins with Russian soldiers trapped in a crossfire from German soldiers. A sniper in a tower begins picking off the German with incredible shots. A close-up on the sniper reveals that it is a woman sniper, the scene then flashes back to the present with the woman practicing with her rifle before the start of the war.
2) There are several turning points and reveals. There are many turning points, dilemmas occur leaving doubt. Plus characters respond in surprising and unexpected ways throughout. The protagonist changes from freezing in battle to leading the way. Other characters reveal things about themselves as well. Her Sergent states his opposition to women in combat and predicts men will try to rescue women in danger when they shouldn’t. Then he twice does exactly that.
3) When things reach their lowest point, Eleanor Roosevelt has the protagonist, Lyudmila as a guest in the White House. They tour the USA and Canada together.

Sniper Queen – Synopsis

Russian soldiers are trapped in a crossfire from German soldiers. A sniper in a tower begins picking off the Germans with incredible shots. A close-up on the sniper reveals a woman making the shots. The scene then flashes back to the present with the woman, as a teenager practicing with her rifle before the start of the war.
The screenplay is similar to American Sniper but with a unique angle of women in the military as in the movie G.I. Jane. Like that movie, we see the protagonist, Lyudmila Pavlichenko and other women soldiers, dealing with difficulties of being women in combat and overcoming obstacles thrown their way by some of the male soldiers.
As the movie progresses, character flaws and surprising heroics from unexpected members of Lyudmila’s patrol are revealed. The Russians suffer many setbacks. Meanwhile in the United States, Eleanor Roosevelt and Congresswoman Edith Norse-Rogers form an unlikely alliance by crossing party lines. They work together with General of The Army, George C. Marshall to get bills passed that ease the entry of American women to serve in the military. But Marshall and Congress will not concede to going as far as allowing women in combat.
Many American historical icons are present throughout as are many true Russian war heroes. When the situations with the Russian army reach the lowest point, Eleanor Roosevelt manages to get Lyudmila Pavlichenko to be a guest of honor at the Whitehouse. Pavlichenko becomes the first Soviet citizen to be a guest of the Whitehouse. She tours the USA and Canada with First Lady Roosevelt.
After the tour is over, Pavlichenko returns to the Soviet Union where she is promoted to Major. She becomes a drill instructor and is in charge of training Red Army snipers; men and women. As she addresses the recruits, her old drill instructor and nemesis, along with her sniper partner look on. They laugh because she has changed so much from when she first joined the army that she now sounds and acts more like her old drill instructor than herself.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  David Ennocenti.

[David Ennocenti]

David Ennocenti The 10 most interesting things – What I learned is to be brief. And to know what are the most interesting and unique parts of your screenplay.
• A. What is most unique about your villain and hero?
• She is a sniper in the Russian Red Army. The most successful, too.
•
• B. Major hook of your opening scene?
• We see a sniper shooting and characters saying what a great shot he is. Then we see her close up and realize it’s a woman. The scene then dissolves to Lyudmila growing up in her homeland of the Ukraine.
•
• C. Any turning points?
• There are many turning points and reveals. She changes from freezing in battle to leading the way. Other characters reveal things about themselves as well. Her Sergent states his opposition to women in combat and predicts men will try to rescue women in danger when they shouldn’t. Then he twice does exactly that.
•
• D. Emotional dilemma?
• The lead characters husband is killed in battle. She learns of it while on duty. She has to deal with being a woman in combat.
•
• E. Major twists?
• By the end of the screenplay, Lyudmila is recruited by Eleanor Roosevelt. She becomes the first Russin citizen to dine at the Whitehouse. She tours the USA and Canada with Eleanor Roosevelt.
•
• F. Reversals?
• Lyudmila and other characters respond in battle in unexpected ways. On the American side of the story, Eleanor Roosevelt collaborates with a congresswoman from the opposite party. Some scenes, soldiers appear to be running away in battle but they are only finding another way to attack. One scene near the end, Lyudmila decides not to kill and enemy soldier who is in her sights because he is playing a song on a harmonica that is dear to her.
•
• G. Character betrayals? One of the men attacks a woman in the patrol that Lyudmila is in.
•
• H. Or any big surprises? There are reveals of characters and characters change and evolve throughout.

[David Ennocenti]

David Ennocenti, Sniper Queen
I learned that producers are looking for a screenplay they can market. One that fits their preferences. Also, screenplays that are in their budget range and can attract key players, actors, actresses, distributors, and investors.
Managers are looking for a client who can be a successful writer and create more screenplays in the future and can be relied on.
I would pitch the producer on my screenplay and point out that it was an Official Selection in The Artemis: Women in Action Films Festival. “Fantastic script – incredible true story!” Zac Baldwin, co-founder of the Artemis Women in Action Film Festival
The screenplay has a similar title and subject matter as the successful American Sniper. The difference is this is more unique in that this is about World War Two’s deadliest sniper and the sniper is a women. A woman in a traditional male role. The subject matter should attract A-List actors and actresses. Although the main protagonist is a Russian woman, there are American Icon’s playing key roles in the script. They include, Eleanor Roosevelt, Franklin Roosevelt, Five Star General George C. Martin, and the first Congresswoman from the State of Massachusetts, Edith Norse-Rogers.
Given the subject matter and possibility of success, this movie should attract investors and distributors as well as I wide target audience.
I would reiterate many of the same things to a potential manager and make the manager understand that I have many other screenplays written and potentially many more similar screenplays yet to be written. I am willing to do whatever rewrites or corrections that are necessary.

[David Ennocenti]

Name? David Ennocenti
2. How many scripts you’ve written? 11 Features and 3 TV Pilots & Series Bibles. Plus, several episodes of one of the TV series.
3. What you hope to get out of the class? I hope to find a manager or sell a screenplay.
4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? Once upon a time, I was an accountant. I was also a winner in Writer’s Digest Annual Writing Competition and a screenplay of mine was an Official Selection of the Artimus Women in Action Films Festival.
We look forward to working with you all!

[David Ennocenti]

David Ennocenti, Marketable components of Sniper Queen. The story is unique in that it’s a women excelling in what was considered a man’s role in World War Two. It’s the ultimate because she was not only the best women sniper but the most deadly sniper of all-time.
What I learned from this lesson is to be concise and to the point as succinctly as possible.
1) Sniper Queen tagline: No enemy soldier escapes her crosshairs.
Logline: When Nazi Germany invades her Ukraine homeland, a University of Kiev student enlists in the rifle division of the Russian Red Army, over the objections of the recruiter and her family. She struggles with the resistance of her own army and the difficulties of being a woman in combat; when all seems lost, she finds an ally in U.S. First Lady, Eleanor Roosevelt.
2) The two most important components are it’s Unique and It’s the Ultimate.

• A. Unique. It’s about a woman war hero in WWII. She was a sniper in the Russian Red Army Rifle Division.
• B. Great Title – Sniper Queen. Similar to American Sniper
• C. True. Based on a true story.
• D. Timely — connected to some major trend or event. It’s connected to WWII and the current debate of Women in the Military.
• E. It’s a first. It’s about a woman hero in combat.
• F. Ultimate. This woman was the best of the best.
• G. Wide audience appeal. It should appeal to the audience that liked American Sniper, other action/war movies, and movies about influential and trailblazing women.
• H. Adapted from a popular book. n/a
• I. Similarity to a box-office success. American Sniper, G.I. Jane
• J. A great role for a bankable actor. What young actress wouldn’t want to play this lead character. The movie also has other iconic figures, including famous Americans like Eleanore Roosevelt and 5 star general George Marshall.
3) The screenplay has a number of great roles, especially the main protagonist. The best sniper of all-time and it’s a 24-year-old woman. It could be a breakout role for an actress or even for an experienced actress.
4) What I learned from this lesson is to be concise and to the point as succinctly as possible.

[David Ennocenti]

David Ennocenti
“I agree to the terms of this release form.”
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[David Ennocenti]

1. Genre Historical/Action/War The title: Sniper Queen.
2. The movie is based on the true story of Lyudmila Pavlechenko, World War Two's deadliest Sniper. She was a woman in the Russian Red Army.
3. My target is managers because I want to find a manager. I have 7 other screenplays and 3 TV Series/Pilots. My secondary target would be actors/actresses production companies.
4. What I learned today is to be succinct.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  David Ennocenti. Reason: I forgot to write the title