[David Harper]

David gives great clues!

What I learned doing this assignment is that I need more mysteries in my plot …

Mystery 1: Who is after Damien?
Answer: The Baltimore Mob
Clues:
• Someone says they want him dead
• Whoever it is is living in a big, fancy house
• Two thugs show up and try to snatch him away
• They have an FBI agent on their payroll
• They have Baltimore cops on their payroll

Mystery 2: Why is the mob after Damien?
Answer: He has a twin he doesn’t know about, and they think he is the twin
Clues:
• The two thugs call him by a different name
• The Baltimore cops seem to recognize him when he shows up
• He sees photos of himself with people and in places he doesn’t remember
• A woman slaps him, and tells him he has a lot of nerve showing up after what he did
• Sonny also calls him by the other name

[David Harper]

David’s Dramatic Reveals

What I learned doing this: It’s more difficult than it looks. I’ve been struggling with this one, but I’m posting what I have so far. I’ll need to continue working on this one as I develop the idea.

Reveal: FBI Agent Schwartz is working for the villain.
How was it covered up? He is an FBI agent.
What MIS is used to create the demand to know the truth?

Reveal: Damien has a twin
How was it covered up? Separated at birth when given up for adoption.
What MIS is used to create the demand to know the truth? Damien is mistaken as his brother by the mob.

Reveal: The Baltimore cops are dirty
How was it covered up? They are cops, and also they agree to help him
What MIS is used to create the demand to know the truth?
Mystery – Will they help him?
Intrigue – They seem to recognize him when he walks in

Reveal: The mob wants Damien dead
How was it covered up? They mistake Damien for his brother.
What MIS is used to create the demand to know the truth?
Intrigue – Why is the video of the teacher so offensive to the mob?
Mystery – Why do they want him dead?

Reveal: The FBI is using Damien as bait
How was it covered up? They tell him he is on his own
What MIS is used to create the demand to know the truth?
Suspense – How will Damien escape the grasp of the mob?
Mystery – Why won’t the FBI protect him?

Reveal: Sony Festimado is also in danger from his mob bosses
How was it covered up? He appears to be calling the shots, his bosses stay in the background, out of the eye of law enforcement
What MIS is used to create the demand to know the truth?
Intrigue – Phone calls to Sonny with thinly veiled threats
Mystery – Who are the people who keep calling him?
Intrigue – Some new guys show up, and Sonny’s guys don’t know who they are or why they’re there

[David Harper]

David’s Twists and Turns

What I learned doing this assignment is that it is a lot easier to develop plot twists when you have already worked on the MIS for the story, character, and scenes.

Twist 1:
Direction: A video of a high school teacher doing spoken word for his class is posted online.
Twist: Someone sees the video and says they want the teacher dead.

Twist 2:
Direction: Teacher is driving home from school.
Twist: He notices he is being followed.

Twist 3:
Direction: Teacher is talking to one of the other teachers.
Twist: He is approached by two rough-looking guys who claim to know him.

Twist 4:
Direction: The rough-looking guys are about to take him by force.
Twist: Another car pulls up and the two guys take off.

Twist 5:
Direction: Teacher is walking to his car.
Twist: He is approached by FBI agents.

Twist 6:
Direction: Teacher is under the protection of two FBI agents.
Twist: One of the FBI agents shoots the other and turns Teacher over to the rough-looking guys.

Twist 7:
Direction: Teacher goes straight to the FBI office to ask for help.
Twist: They’ve decided not to provide any more assistance to him because they have what they need already.

Twist 8:
Direction: Teacher goes to meet his girlfriend at a pre-arranged spot.
Twist: Girlfriend doesn’t show.

Twist 9:
Direction: Teacher calls girlfriend.
Twist: An unfamiliar voice answers, and they have kidnapped his girlfriend.

Twist 10:
Direction: Teacher gets help from Baltimore cops.
Twist: The Baltimore cops are dirty, and turn him over to the villain.

Twist 11:
Direction: The teacher is handed over to the villain.
Twist: He sees pictures of himself with people he doesn’t recognize, at places he doesn’t remember.

Twist 12:
Direction: The villain is about to kill Teacher.
Twist: Teacher uses something the villain accidentally revealed to get the upper hand.

Twist 13:
Direction: Teacher is trying to escape, but the thugs are closing in.
Twist: The FBI swarms in. They’ve been using him as bait.

Twist 14:
Direction: The FBI brings him in for a debrief.
Twist: He meets his twin brother. They were separated at birth, and the mob thought he was him.

[David Harper]

David’d Thriller Plot (such as it is so far)

1. Opening
Someone sees a YouTube video of an English teacher teaching his class about spoken word poetry. This person wants the teacher in a body bag.
—Mystery: Why would someone want to kill an English teacher?
—Mystery 2: Who is the person who wants him dead?
—Intrigue: There is something about this English teacher we don’t know.

2. Turning Point 1
Teacher notices he is being followed. Gives them the slip.
—Mystery: Who are the people in the Charger?
—Suspense: Is he about to get rolled?
—Intrigue: He is able to give them the slip.

3. Act I Break
Confronted by two toughs who demand he come with them. They take off when the same car that was following him before shows up.
—Mystery: Who do they work for?
—Mystery 2: Who are the people in the Charger?
—Intrigue: When he goes to confront the charger, they drive off.
—Suspense: Will he go with them?

4. Midpoint
Girlfriend is kidnapped
—Mystery: Who took her?
—Mystery: Where is she?
—Intrigue: The FBI shows up to help him. What does the FBI have to do with this?

5. Turning Point 2
Sneaks away from FBI. Goes to Baltimore.
—Intrigue: He is able to evade the FBI.
—Suspense: Will the FBI stop him before he can save her?
—Mystery: Why doesn’t he want the FBI’s help?

6. Climax
Goes with Baltimore cops to rescue his girlfriend. The cops act like they know him. Turns out Baltimore cops are corrupt.
—Intrigue: Why do the Baltimore cops act like they know him?
—Suspense: Will the corrupt cops deliver him to the villain?

7. Resolution
TBD

Will need to take some breaks and let it stew in my brain before filling in more.

[David Harper]

David’s Life-Threatening Sequence

What I learned is that there are a lot of moving parts here that I have to stay on top of.

What is the Villain’s plan and how does that put the Hero in danger?
First of all, the villain is the head of a Baltimore mob organization, and he is in hot water with his bosses in New York. He needs to bring the hero back to Baltimore.
What he doesn’t realize is that the hero he is coming after isn’t the guy who double-crossed them and went state’s evidence. This is his twin brother. Both boys were given up for adoption at birth and ended up getting separated. Neither knows about the other. (This is different from the original concept, but makes it more of a true thriller because the hero doesn’t have any idea who is after him or why).
The hero is a high-school English teacher, but also retired military. So he is somewhat able to handle himself.

What other potential dangers could your Hero experience as they try to solve the mystery and confront the Villain? Sequence them in order.

1. He notices someone is tailing him
2. Evidence that he is being stalked
3. His girlfriend is confronted by a couple of guys who are asking questions about him.
4. He is being chased, when the FBI shows up out of the blue to save him. They cart him off to a safe house but won’t tell him what’s going on.
5. One of the FBI agents is corrupt and tries to kill him.
6. His girlfriend is kidnapped
7. He sneaks away to Baltimore to find her and deal with whoever is after him.
8. He asks the Baltimore cops to help, and they agree, but then turn on him because they are in the villain’s pocket.

That’s all I have so far. I need to let it roll around in my brain a little more.

[David Harper]

David’s Mystery Sequence

What I learned doing this assignment: This is hard.

Here’s what I have so far. I will need to continue developing it, but this is it for now:
Alex Cogan’s plan is to get Dante Lewington, AKA Andrew Durant, back to Baltimore. Baltimore is home base for Cogan, and he can do whatever he wants there. The police, the DA, everybody is in his pocket in Baltimore. Outside of Baltimore he’s weaker, and there are rival mobs he would have to contend with as well as the law. So he has to get Andrew back to rBaltimore.

Goal: To kill Andrew, taking revenge for his betrayal and to get back his credibility within the organization.

Intrigue: Having the authorities in his pocket, having henchmen who can do his dirty work, having at least one informant in the FBI, faking situations to get Andrew back to Baltimore, etc.

Covers Secrets: He’s in hot water with his superiors in the organization. Everything filters up to New York, and his Baltimore operation is one level below that. He had lied to the New York bosses and told them that Andrew had been “Taken care of,” But when Andrew returned to the scene his superiors gave him an ultimatum. Either you take care of this now, or we will. Then we’ll take care of you.

The Strategy

1. Send a couple of henchmen to snatch and grab him.
2. Have fake FBI agents come to take him to a new safe house, but it’s a setup.
3. Call him and ask him to come to Baltimore, with vague undertones of threat.
4. Stage an event in Baltimore that makes Andrew want to return on his own. (Like his mother dies, and Andrew wants to go to the funeral.)
5. Kidnap someone Andrew cares about and use that as leverage to lure him there.

[David Harper]

David's Villain has a Great Plan!

What I learned doing this exercise: As the writer starts building the mystery, intrigue, and suspense elements, the screenplay starts to kind of write itself. I can already visualize some of the scenes and their sequence in the film .

The Villain’s Plan

Alex Cogan’s plan is to get Dante Lewington, AKA Andrew Durant, back to Baltimore. Baltimore is home base for Cogan, and he can do whatever he wants there. The police, the DA, everybody is in his pocket in Baltimore. Outside of Baltimore he’s weaker, and there are rival mobs he would have to contend with as well as the law. So he has to get Andrew back to Baltimore.

Goal: To kill Andrew, taking revenge for his betrayal and to get back his credibility within the organization.

Intrigue: Having the authorities in his pocket, having henchmen who can do his dirty work, having at least one informant in the FBI, faking situations to get Andrew back to Baltimore, etc.

Covers Secrets: He’s in hot water with his superiors in the organization. Everything filters up to New York, and his Baltimore operation is one level below that. He had lied to the New York bosses and told them that Andrew had been “Taken care of,” But when Andrew returned to the scene his superiors gave him an ultimatum. Either you take care of this now, or we will. Then we’ll take care of you.

The Strategy

1. Send a couple of henchmen to snatch and grab him.
2. Have fake FBI agents come to take him to a new safe house, but it’s a setup.
3. Call him and ask him to come to Baltimore, with vague undertones of threat.
4. Stage an event in Baltimore that makes Andrew want to return on his own. (Like his mother dies, and Andrew wants to go to the funeral.)
5. Kidnap someone Andrew cares about and use that as leverage to lure him there.

• This reply was modified 10 months, 3 weeks ago by  David Harper.

[David Harper]

David’s SOTL Stacking Suspense

What I learned from this exercise:
1. There is a lot going on beneath the surface of a scene than the audience realizes consciously. But the writer must be very conscious of all the MIS elements for each scene, even in the outlining process.
2. MIS can come from anywhere. Dialogue, a prop, a setting, even a character in the background. Pretty much anything can be used to create MIS.
3. B and C stories also carry their own MIS, as well as contributng to the MIS of the main story. All MS must eventually be resolved for a satisfying film.
4. When outlining a thriller screenplay, it would be a good idea for each scene card to have a section for Action, Mystery, Intrigue, Suspense, Character MIS, and Stakes.

[David Harper]

David’s Wolrd and Characters

What I learned doing this assignment: When writing a thriller, I can get a head start by creating a thrilling world. For example, The Bourne Identity might have made a fine drama if it was just about some poor sod who works in a shoe store and lost his memory. But since it’s in the world of spies and assassins and Treadstone, things are going to get thrilling whether the protagonist likes it or not.

1 What is the main mystery that will keep us engaged throughout the story? Who exactly are these people who are coming after him, and why, and will he be able to defeat them?

2. What is the covert, clandestine, underhanded part that will live under the surface for most of the movie? The world of organized crime hiding just beneath the surface of the world we walk through every day.

3. What is the main danger to your Hero that will continue to escalate throughout the script? The threat of death. First to him, then to those he loves.

4. Tell us the Intriguing World you have selected for this story. A) The world of organized crime, B) the secretive world of the FBI WITSEC program

Top two characters:
Protagonist
1. What is the mystery of this character? Who is he, and what exactly did he do to get into this situation?
2. What is the suspense of this character? He’s lived in the world he is fighting, so he knows how to navigate it and knows the players and their strategies.
3. What is the intrigue of this character? He’s a high school english teacher, well versed in the classics.

Antagonist
. What is the mystery of this character? Who is he? And why is he so hell-bent on his mission against the protagonist?
2. What is the suspense of this character? He keeps sending prople to do his dirty work, but never gets his own hands dirty.
3. What is the intrigue of this character? He does not give up or give in. Ever. He’ll do it, or he’ll die.

[David Harper]

David’s Big M.I.S.
What I learned doing this assignment: The conventions of the thriller must be well planned before we write the first line. They need to be specific I also learned why I don’t like these Netflix thriller movies where they just blow up some stuff and stream it. It’s just action, without the mystery, intrigue, and suspense.

1. What are the conventions of your story?

Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: A high school English teacher who is a former mob guy who is in WITSEC
Dangerous Villain: The mob boss he crossed
High stakes: His life, the life of his girlfriend, and his students.
Life and death situations: The mob boss wants him brought back to him, so he can kill him personally. His henchmen will stop at nothing to grab him up and deliver him.
This story is thrilling because? The people who come after him become more and more dangerous. He is leading a group of his students into a national poetry slam competition, and the students also become targets.
2. Tell us the Big M.I.S. of your story?

Big Mystery: What is the main mystery of your story that will keep us wondering throughout the story? What did the protagonist do to the antagonist? Before going WITSEC, he crossed the boss in some way, or stole something from him. We don’t know what it is.
Big Intrigue: What is the covert, clandestine, underhanded plot that will live under the surface for most of the movie? The underworld organization that is coming for him.

Big Suspense: What is the main danger to your Hero that will continue to escalate throughout the script? Will he survive, keep his girlfriend and students alive, and take down the mob?

[David Harper]

Bullet Train thriller conventions
What I learned doing this exercise: How important backstory and twists and turns are.

Meets the requirements, and is available on Netflix.

Unwitting but resourceful hero – Brad Pitt’s character, Ladybug, is only on this job because the original guy called in sick. Ladybug is a criminal, mostly a smash-and-grab guy, but knows how to handle himself in hand-to-hand combat. He’s been spending a lot of time in therapy, though, and tries to convince people who want to kill him that they can settle things in a non-violent way.

Dangerous villain: The villain is mostly just a rumor for most of the film, but we learn to fear him through the stories we hear about him. He shows up in person in act III and we get the full picture of just how powerful he is.

High stakes: The stakes are his life. That’s about as high as it gets.

Life and death situations: People are constantly trying to kill him, he gets bitten by a dangerously venomous snake, the bullet train crashes.

The movie is thrilling because: It just never lets up. Also, as it develops, we see how all of these people have crossed paths before, and maybe fate has put them all together on this train.

The big mystery: Will Ladybug be able to steal the briefcase?
Big intrigue: Ladybug’s preference for non-violence
Big suspense: Who is the guy behind all this?

[David Harper]

David’s Character Depth

What I learned doing this assignment is that the more I think through the story the more it changes. This is a good thing, because the more it changes the better it gets. Hopefully it will, at some point, coalesce into a solid story. Also I learned that with one of the changes it makes sense to switch names.

PROFILES:

THE PATIENT

External Motivation: To escape the rehab facility

Need: To make amends with his daughter

Secret: He cheated on his wife, which is what caused the divorce, the distance from his daughter when she was little, and in his mind resulted in the tragic life his daughter has lived

Wound: Seeing his daughter living on the streets, addicted to drugs

Layers: He’s always run away from things when they got hard

Conflict: He wants to leave the facility, but the doctor won’t allow it

DR. MARA

External Motivation: To keep the patient in the facility

Secret: If he let’s the patient escape, he will die

Conflict: The patient keeps trying to escape, and allying other patients to his cause

Secret Identity: He is the patients ego-self, carried over into purgatory. The patient has to kill him to escape

LUZ

Motivation: To help the patient escape

Conflict: The patient keeps giving up too easily. Luz knows the way out, but she can’t tell him or do it for him. She can only provide clues and hope he will do it himself

Secret Identity: Luz is actually his daughter, who has already passed to the other side

[David Harper]

David’s Right Characters

What I learned is I still have a lot of work to do …

Concept Hook: How do you escape Purgatory when you don’t know you’re there?

Contained Setting: A physical rehab facility

Characters:

THE PATIENT: When his son was very young, like seven, this man divorced his wife and married another woman. He tried to keep a solid relationship with his son, but the damage was done and they drifted further and further apart. His son grew up making bad choices leading to jail time, hospital stays, and drug use. Now, at 30 years old, he’s living on the streets. His father, THE PATIENT, feels a deep sense of guilt about all this and is on his way to find his son and help him and try and make amends when he is in a terrible auto accident. He flashes in and out of consciousness, and ultimately finds himself in a physical rehab facility.

DR. LUZ – Dr. Luz is actually a spirit being, a being of light. He is there to try and help the patient find his way to the “unapproachable light.”

MARA – Mara is another patient at the facility, who interacts with the patient. She is a being of darkness, trying to ensure the patient goes the other way.

[David Harper]

David’s Marketing Campaign

What I learned is I have a lot to do ..

I’m going to market this to producers. I’ll probably do one more light revision, but not enough to warrant a new copyright.

I need to identify and collect contact information on producers that would be an ideal match for this script. Once I have that, I see if I can trace any of them back through my own contacts. In other words, are any of them only slightly removed from me in terms of degrees of separation. If I’m already close to some of them, I might be able to get an introduction or recommendation.

Then I need to start with the query letters and phone pitches.

Meanwhile I’ll see who I can meet online, and who I might be able to take to lunch.

First action – compile that list!

[David Harper]

Hey Frances –

Very cool concept, I just think the query is too long.

I’d try a couple of things here. First, find a strong hook to grab them. I’m not sure what it would be, but you might be able to find some irony about the juxtaposition of steamboats and racing. I mean … Whoever thought steamboats could be so exciting?

Then I’d shorten the synopsis. By a lot. In my experience, more than half a page is too much. A single page with plenty of white space will look like a breezy read. More than one page, especially with lots of text, might get set aside for “later.”

If you could get each act down to one or two sentences that really hook, that would be great.

Hope this helps 🙂

-d.

[David Harper]

Hi Julie –

Great concept!

I think you could combine the good news bad news thing, and make them a bit shorter, to sharpen the point of the hook.

Something like: “Good news: 911 domestic violence calls are being diverted from the police and sent to a civilian team trained specifically to deal with them. Bad news: The cops hate it.”

Then go straight into “Why should they give up part of their already meager budget …”

Then the rest is great 🙂

I’d keep the first quote as and where it is, but move the second quote to just before the paragraph that begins “The idea for this series …”

Hope this helps!

[David Harper]

David’s Query Letter (Draft One)

What I learned: Query letters are hard.

Dear Producer,

A bank heist in the middle of a wildfire evacuation.

That’s how the story goes in my action-drama screenplay, Deeper than Blood.

When Danny Sinclair’s father Arlo is released from prison, Danny commits to helping him build a new life in a small Texas town where grudges run deep and memories run long. This is hard enough, but when two of Arlo’s old criminal associates show up demanding money he owes but doesn’t have, things go downhill fast.

Adding to the pressure is an approaching wildfire and the threat of evacuation hanging over the town. In the end the wildfire arrives sooner than anyone predicted, and Danny finds himself dragged into a bank heist while the town is empty and ablaze. Finding out his father is the one who set the wildfire is a turning point for Danny, who must now choose between his father and the town and people he loves.

The roles of Danny and Arlo, along with other characters like the county sheriff and Arlo’s criminal associates, make choice characters for actors looking for great roles.

If you’d like to join them on the most dangerous bank heist in the history of bank heists, just let me know. I’d be happy to send the script.

All the best,

David Harper

[David Harper]

<div>David’s Target Market</div>

What I learned is 1) Some of the producers have their phone number and personal email on IMDB Pro. So that’s cool. 2) It was hard to get to 50, because as I went through the process some of the producers were popping up repeatedly. I guess that means my targeting is good 🙂

Title: Deeper than Blood

Logline: A young man must choose between saving his father and saving his town when his father starts a wildfire to cover a bank heist.

Genre: Action/Drama

Make a list of five or more movies that are similar to yours and five actors that you might want to play your lead characters.

Movies:

Manchester by the Sea

Hard Rain

Hell or High Water

No Country for Old Men

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

Actors:

Lucas Hedges as Danny, the young protagonist

Matthew McConaughey as Arlo, Danny’s father

Channing Tatum as Carter, the county sheriff

Kate Mara as Elle, Arlo’s girlfriend

Joey King as Becca, Danny’s love interest

Using the Targeting process above, go to http://www.imdb.com and find 50 to 100 producers (or more) for your specific project.

1. Declan Bladwin, Big Indie Pictures

2. Josh Godfrey, K Period Media

3. Bill Migliore, Class 5 Films

4. Kimberly Steward, K Period Media

5. Ryan Stowell, Religion of Sports

6. Kevin J Walsh, B Story

7. Braden Aftergood, Eighty Two Films

8. Peter Berg, Film 44

9. Kathryn Dean, ICM Partners

10. Carla Hacken, Paper Pictures

11. Sidney Kimmel, SK Global

12. John Pinotti, Ivanhoe Pictures

13. Gigi Pritzker, MWM Studios

14. Rachel Shane, MWM Studios

15. Dylan Tarason, Media Res

16. Ian Bryce, Ian Bryce Productions

17. Mark Gordon, The Mark Gordon Company

18. Gary Levinsohn, The Mutual Film Company

19. Ruben Samuel Sachs, WME

20. Reid Carolin, Free Associationh

21. Dan Fellman, Warner Brothers

22. Gregory Jacobs, WME

23. Mark Johnson, Gran Via productions

24. Ken Meyer, Ken Meyer & Associates

25. Michael Polaire, ICM Partners

26. Daniel Battsek, Film4

27. Graham Broadbent, Blueprint Pictures

28. Peter Czernin, Blueprint Pictures

29. Rose Garnett, A24

30. Ben Knight, Blueprint Pictures

31. David Kosse, Netflix

32. Diarmuid McKeown, Blueprint Pictures

33. Bergen Swanson, Mockingbird Media

34. Ethan Coen

35. Joel Coen

36. David Diliberto, David Diliberto Studio

37. Robert Graf, UTA

38. Mark Roybal, wiip Studios

39. Scott Rudin

40. Luc Besson, EuropaCorp

41. Michael Fitzgerald, Ithaca Pictures

42. Larry Madaras, APA

43. Richard Romero, Ithaca Pictures

44. David Ellison, Skydance Media

45. Megan Ellison, Annapurna Pictures

46. Jan Foster, ICM Partners

47. R. Paul Miller, Escape Pictures

48. Maggie Renzi

49. John Sloss, Cinetic Media

50. Barbara A. Hall

[David Harper]

David’s Phone Pitch

What I learned is to be brief and to the point, and make sure it’s a very sharp point.

1. Tell us which of the four strategies you are going to use to open your pitch:

Lead with a High Concept.

2. Give us your script for phone call pitches, like I did above.

High, I’m David Harper, and I have a screenplay about a small town bank heist in the middle of a wildfire evacuation.

3. Give us a one or two sentence answer to the questions a producer may ask:

What’s the budget range?

Low budget. It can be shot for under five, depending of course on the actors involved.

Who do you see in the main roles?

I think Lucas Hedges would be ideal for the lead role. And Matthew McConaughey would be an ideal actor to play his dad.

How many pages is the script?

100

Who else has seen this?

So far only a few people who have provided feedback and coverage.

Why do you think this fits our company?

Your company has produced movies in this genre (action drama) and budget range, and I think this film matches the tone of several films you have produced.

How does the movie end?

It ends with a family betrayal, reversals, and ultimate redemption.

[David Harper]

David’s Pitch Fest Pitch

What I learned is that I already have a compelling hook and since I have a decent script already covered by copyright and WGA I could pretty much send it immediately upon request. I’ll probably tweak it a little before my next pitch, through, because I feel like this process could definitely result in more requests.

1. Hey I’m Dave. I’m a writer who has won awards for both film and theatre.

2. I have an action drama called Deeper than Blood.

3. The high concept of this film is a small town bank heist in the middle of a wildfire evacuation.

4. Please give your one or two sentence answer to each of these questions:

What is the budget range?

I’d say this is low budget. Depending on the actors you get, I’m confident you could shoot it for less than five. Of course if we drop an A-list or two in there the budget will have to be reconsidered.

What actors do you like for the lead roles?

I think Lucas Hedges would be ideal for the lead role of Danny. He’s a fine actor, about the right age, and has a great look for the role. And Matthew McConaughey, if we could get him, would be great to play Danny’s dad, Arlo.

Give me the acts of the story.

Act I centers around a young man, Danny, who commits to helping his ex-con father, Arlo, rebuild his life in a small town where memories run long and grudges run deep. Complicating this are two of Arlo’s old criminal associates who show up demanding money he owes them but doesn’t have, and a wildfire that sparks up outside of town and starts inching towards them.

Act II is Danny trying to help his dad get those guys off his back, but since the circumstances dictate that he can’t go to the sheriff, he has to use other means. So he ends up damaging his own reputation and relationships, and actually spends a day in jail.

Act III begins when the wildfire suddenly hits the town much sooner than anyone anticipated, and everyone is evacuating. Danny goes to help Arlo get out of town, but Arlo and his old associates hijack Danny and his pickup, dragging him into violence and a dangerous bank heist as the town burns around them. Arlo reveals his betrayal when Danny finds out it was Arlo that started the fire in the first place.

How does it end? (setup / payoff).

Danny ultimately has to decide between his father and himself and everyone he loves. So he shoots his father, then has to help a wounded and limping sheriff escape the wildfire on foot.

Credibility questions What have you done?

I’ve written and produced multiple films and stage plays, many of which have won awards. I have footage that can be shared on request.

[David Harper]

David’s Query Letter

What I learned doing this assignment is that I already have a good script, I just need to get it out there. And there may be a way better way to get it out there than competitions and coverage.

Dear –

<Why I’m writing to them specifically>

“Family is about more than just blood. Maybe you ought to think about that.”

When his father, ARLO, is released from prison, DANNY SINCLAIR is dedicated to helping his dad rebuild his life in a small town where memories are long and grudges are deep.

Things get complicated when a wildfire has starts and is threatens to destroy the town.

As the local authorities consider evacuation orders, two of his Arlo’s criminal associates hit town, demanding money he owes them but doesn’t have. Danny decides to step in and help get the money, leading him down paths that threaten his relationships, his reputation, and his life.

As the wildfire rages out of control, the town is evacuated. When Danny goes to evacuate his father, Arlo and his two criminal associates hijack Danny and his truck to conduct a bank heist in the middle of the wildfire evacuation.

As the town burns around them, violence flares and Danny learns his dad set the wildfire in order to watch the town burn and to rob the bank as it does.

Inside the bank, Danny must make a choice between his father and the county sheriff. Choosing the side of the law, he shoots his father and helps the wounded sheriff escape the building as it burns down around them. Both their cars are now ablaze, and Danny must help the bleeding, limping sheriff escape the wildfire on foot.

Bio: David is a writer whose work has won multiple awards in both film and theatre. His love of small town stories comes from spending a lot of time in them with his extended family.

If you’d like to watch a small town burn and see how Danny and the sheriff escape, I’d happy to send you the script.

All the best,

David Harper

<contact info>

[David Harper]

David’s Synopsis Hooks

What I learned doing this assignment is that a synopsis is not the same as a treatment. A synopsis tells the story in a way as to highlight the big selling points of the movie. It’s more like a trailer in words.

A. Unique villain/hero relationship (Father/son)

B. Timely (based on the idea that climate change has increased the frequency and ferocity of wildfires)

C. Ultimate – In this wildfire, an entire town burns down around the hero as he tries to escape

D. High concept – A bank heist in the middle of a wildfire

E. Major twists – turns out the villain actually started the wildfire

F. Emotional dilemma – the hero has to kill his own father

G. Great role for a bankable actor – several, actually. The son, the dad, the county sheriff are all great roles for bankable actors

When his father is released from prison, DANNY SINCLAIR is dedicated to helping his dad rebuild his life in a small town where memories are long and grudges are deep. Things seem to be going well until two of his father’s criminal associates hit town, demanding money his father owes them but doesn’t have. Danny decides to step in and help get the money, leading him down paths that threaten his relationships, his reputation, and his life. In the background, a wildfire has started and is rapidly approaching the town.

As the wildfire rages out of control, the town is evacuated. When Danny goes to evacuate his father, ARLO, he and his two criminal associates hijack Danny and his truck to conduct a bank heist in the middle of the wildfire evacuation. As the town burns around them, violence flares and Danny learns his dad set the wildfire in order to watch the town burn and to rob the bank as it does. Inside the bank, Danny must make a choice between his father and the county sheriff. Choosing the side of the law, he shoots his father and helps the wounded sheriff escape the building as it burns down around them. Both their cars are now ablaze, and Danny must help the bleeding, limping sheriff escape the wildfire on foot.

[David Harper]

A. How did this process work for you?

Ok. It’s a bit of work to go from what I have into the high concept statement, then figuring out how to amp up that high concept statement by brainstorming alternatives. But it is a fun and good exercise for writing, and I can see how it will help with any script, not just a contained one.

B. What did you learn doing this assignment?

I learned how much work it is to nail down a really good, highly pitchable high concept, but how valuable it is to the rest of the process. Just having this work done will accelerate and improve the writing, plus make the pitch so much better.

[David Harper]

David Harper’s Guidelines for Out of Sight

What I learned doing this assignment is that the key issue is the story, not the setting or the stunts or any of that. If I can tell a story one way, I can tell it another way. It’s really about the character journey more than anything.

ASSIGNMENT PART 1: Select Your Project

I’ve selected the project I want to use. It’s interesting because the project would be the best fit for the covid guidelines, and it’s also the story idea I like the most.

ASSIGNMENT PART 2: Adjust a Produced Movie to Covid Guidelines

TITLE: Out of Site

AS THEY DID IT:

A. People – A lot of minor characters dropped in from one scene to the next.

B. Stunts – A boxing scene, two boxers, plus a prison fight

C. Extras – Prison yard extras milling about, a huge crowd in the boxing arena

D. Wardrobe – This was pretty simple, no big issues here

E. Hair and Make Up – Not a lot out of the unordinary here

F. Kids and Animals – No kids, maybe a barking dog, but that’s it

G. Quarantine – Way too many extras!

COVID GUIDELINE VERSION:

A. People – Many of the minor characters could be cut, and the scenes written in a different way to allow for the same discoveries to be made

B. Stunts – Eliminate the boxing scene and the prison fights, the story can work without those anyway

C. Extras – Move the planning phases somewhere other than the prison. It can happen anywhere, especially with the twist about how it was set up to begin with

D. Wardrobe – No changes needed

E. Hair and Make Up – No changes needed

F. Kids and Animals – No changes needed

G. Quarantine – Getting rid of the prison yard and the boxing arena would eliminate a lot of extras.

[David Harper]

David Harper’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch

What I learned doing this assignment is that I need to make sure I have the hooks front and center when I have an opportunity to do a quick pitch.

High Concept: A man fights to save himself his town when his ex-con father stages a dangerous bank heist in the middle of a wildfire evacuation.

Elevator pitch: It’s a story about a man trying to establish a relationship with his estranged, ex-con father, and how he has to choose between saving his father and saving his town when his father starts a wildfire just to stage a bank heist.

[David Harper]

What I learned doing this assignment is that I have several hooks I could expand on in my pitch.

1. Go through your project and see which of these specific hooks you have:

A. What is most unique about your villain and hero?<div>

The villain is the hero’s father. Because the hero is trying to build a relationship with his father, and because family is desperately important to him, he blinds himself to his father’s true nature and gets caught up in his violent lifestyle.

<div>

B. Major hook of your opening scene?

This is an interesting one, because it’s a cold open wherein we actually see two supporting characters first. It’s somewhat reminiscent of the opening of “A History of Violence,” in that it sets the tone for the film in a way that foreshadows the hero’s journey downward.

C. Any turning points?

Several. The arrival of the two characters from the cold open, the hero jumping in to protect his father, and promising to get them their money, the hero getting arrested and put in jail, the hero’s love interest turning on him … And more.

D. Emotional dilemma?

The biggest dilemma for the hero is deciding to turn on his dad in order to do the right thing.

E. Major twists?

It turns out his father deliberately started the wildfire that is threatening them all.

G. Character betrayals?

Both the hero and the villain betray each other, at various times throughout the film.

</div></div>

[David Harper]

David Harper Producer/Manager Strategy

What I learned doing this assignment is 1) pitching the project is only partly about the story itself. It’s also about why the story will attract an audience and make money. It’s also about pitching myself. 2) The process of pitching myself isn’t an overt one where I talk about how great I am, it’s more about the way I present myself as I pitch the story. If I go in understanding what it takes to get the project made, and offering options to adjust the script as needed, I’ll be perceived as a professional who is already ahead of the game.

1. How will you present yourself and your project to the producer?

With the producer I’ll focus on the marketable elements discussed in the course here, and highlight those elements in the pitch to show the film has good potential for getting made and attracting a wide audience. This would present the project as highly marketable and myself as knowledgable about what it takes to make it so. Then I would highlight where changes could be made depending on things like budget, target audience, etc. This would show I’m a writer who is willing to take notes and make changes that help the movie get made.

2. How will you present yourself and your project to the manager?

With the manager, I’d start with the marketable highlights of the story, then I’d move on to example studios and producers I might target with it. With those, I’d highlight how I could change the story to fit the market we’re presenting to. For example, if it’s a smaller studio, here’s how I could change it to meet their budget and pitch it that way. If it’s a studio that focuses on female protagonists, here’s how it could be rewritten to make the protagonist a female so we could pitch it there. If it’s a studio that makes films with a darker tone, here are ways we could darken the tone of the film to make it more appealing to them. This shows I have a marketable script, but it also shows I’m a writer who wants to get scripts sold and made. And since I’m showing flexibility in how the story gets told, I’d be showing them I’m a writer ready to handle writing assignments.

[David Harper]

David Harper’s Marketable Components

What I learned doing this assignment is that my script has quite a few points in its favor, I just need to emphasize them a little more in the script and highlight them in the pitch.

Logline: A young man must choose between family loyalty and his own personal convictions when his ex-con father drags him into a murderous bank heist in the middle of a raging wildfire.

Marketability components:

Timely: Wildfires are bigger and bigger news each year due to climate change

Role: The protagonist has a great arc, going from a timid young man seeking to build the family he never had, to a community leader who realizes family is not just about blood.

How I might emphasize those items in the film and pitch:

First, I’d make climate change a background conversation in the film. It wouldn’t dominate, but it would be there in the background. In the pitch, I’d highlight the fact that climate change has led to more frequent and larger wildfires, and how this might have an appeal to a wide audience.

For the other, I’d see if I could attach a bankable actor for the role. Then I could go to the producers with that actor already attached.

[David Harper]

David’s Marketing Plan

What I learned is there are some clear, actionable steps I can take to move myself forward in the industry. I also learned that it’s ok to work in two different genres. A relief for me since I do write in the comedy genre, as well.

Letter to Producers:

Hi <producer name>,

I’ve seen your name on a number of terrific action/thriller films, a genre I enjoy writing myself.

Just wanted to reach out and let you know I’m available for writing assignments. Perhaps you have a screenplay you’d like rewritten, or maybe you just have an idea you’d like to turn into a treatment, outline, or script. I’m happy to send over a writing sample so you have an idea of the quality of my work.

My work has placed in a number of competitions, and has been seen in festivals worldwide.

Let me know how I can be of service.

All the best,

David Harper

(424) 345.5854

harperjdav@gmail.com

Plan for Marketing

I’ll be working mainly with the ideas I’ve picked up in this class.

1) Polish up some solid writing samples I can share with producers I’d like to work with.

2) Build out my network on LinkedIn, focusing on producers that work in genres similar to me, and with whom I already have a connection in common.

3) Generate and share content on LinkedIn that positions me as a professional in the industry.

4) Offer services to people within my network. Willing to work for free to get the initial contacts and network going a tier or two higher than my current tier.

5) Make sure to promote wins on social media to continue to build my reputation as a professional in the industry.

[David Harper]

David Harper’s Project and Market

What I learned today is 1) I’m terrible with titles. I have a full script here but still don’t have a title I’m satisfied with. 2) I need to work as hard (or maybe harder) on the pitch than on the screenplay.

Title: Ashes of Redemption (working title)

Genre: Action/Thriller

Concept: A family drama that revolves around crime, missing loot, and a small town bank heist in the midst of a raging wildfire.

What’s most attractive about the story: I think there is a lot to say here. First of all, it’s unique in that the heist takes place in the middle of a raging wildfire. It’s a bit like Hard Rain, except replace the flood with a fire. Second, I have some good roles for bankable actors. And I think it will have wide audience appeal because at its core it is a family drama, with a love interest thrown in to make things extra interesting for the protagonist.

Who I’ll be targeting first: I’ll be targeting managers first, because I think they might help open doors into some places to which I don’t have access. I’m not repped, and I need to build a team.

[David Harper]

My name is David Harper, and I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[David Harper]

1. Name? David Harper

2. How many scripts you’ve written? Seven features, several stage plays, one television pilot, and enough short films and web series that I should know better.

3. What you hope to get out of the class? I feel like I’m a good enough writer that I could either sell one of my scripts as a spec or I could win some writing assignments. So really I’m looking for ways to build my network a tier or two above my current tier in a way that is professional and on brand.

4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? I don’t know if it’s unique, special, strange, or unusual, but I’m an avid sailor and I skipper for a sailing school here at the marina.

[David Harper]

David’s plan for increasing perceived value

What I learned doing this assignment is that I already have more producers in my network than I realized, and that there is a lot I can do to raise my profile.

1. What is your speciality? Describe your expertise in that speciality in one or two sentences.

I write about underdogs and fish out of water, trying to accomplish something bigger than themselves.

2. How many producers do you have in your LinkedIn Network?

117

3. Looking at the list above titled “Increasing Your Perceived Value,” please tell us your plan for increasing your value in these three time frames:

A. Today: I’ll reach out an connect with more producers on LinkedIn

B. In the next 30 days: I’ll continue to reach out on LInkedIn, and look for quality content I can share, as well as start writing some of my own content that will add credibility to myself as a writer. I’ll especially look for connections who tend to work in the genres I write best.

C. In the next 6 months: I’ll continue the process on LinkedIn, and start reaching out through other channels as well. I’ll attend more in person meetups as they become available, and offer my services directly to people who are looking for writers. I’ll ask around about people who may have concepts they’d like to develop, and offer to work with them. I’ll also add some of my screenwriting to the portfolio on my website.

[David Harper]

David is a note taking professional 🙂

What I learned doing this assignment is that a script can be written many ways, from many perspectives, and each one can tell a unique story. Because of this, working with producers to change a script to meet the demands of the project might take a little work, but it is possible and might well make the film better in the end.

Title: The Remnant

Logline: In order to stop a global pandemic, an epidemiologist must penetrate a cordoned off hot zone and break into the CDC labs while running from rogue military operatives and violent gangs.

How I would honor each request:

1. Cut the budget in half

I’d eliminate everything outside the hot zone and keep all of the action and the entire story contained inside. This would reduce the number of locations drastically, and eliminate the need for the bigger budget scenes like the one where the military chopper rains fire down on pursuing gangs. The story would start en media res, and the audience would be pulled immediately into the action, discovering the background as the story develops.

2. Write it for a different audience

Right now I think the primary audience is males over 25. I could change that by making the protagonist a female, and changing the main antagonist from female to male. Creating a strong female hero who fights against the odds to save humanity might be more appealing to women under 25.

3. Double the conflict

Right now, the protagonist is mainly driven by his desire to save his wife and daughter, who have also become infected. But they are hundreds of miles away, safe from the roving violent gangs. To double the conflict I’d have his wife and daughter in the city with him, so he has to protect them from harm while trying to break into the CDC labs and develop the cure. There could be more immediate, hard choices for the protagonist under those circumstances.

4. Change the sex and age of the lead character

See #2 above. I don’t think the sex and age of the lead character would be an issue to change. It could be written with a variety of protagonists, so long as they had a stake in the story and a character arc to traverse.

5. Change the genre

If I put the family in the city with the protagonist, as suggested in #3 above, I could make it more of a family drama where the main story is about the family trying to survive and the search for the cure becomes a B or even C story. Kind of like A Quiet Place. On the other hand, since there is already a religious element in the film, I could make it a faith based film by focusing more on the divide between the two religious philosophies represented.

[David Harper]

David’s Decreased Budget

What I learned doing this lesson is that I can achieve the story goals in many ways. Just because I run into a budget restriction doesn’t mean the story is dead and the film won’t get made. What it means is I have an opportunity as a writer to tell the story in a way that might be more focused.

Five things I could do to reduce the budget in my script:

1. I could not burn down an entire town. Although the wildfire that takes the town is a critical part of the plot, I may not need to burn everything down in order to make it work.

2. There might be a location or two I could cut by having the action in those locations take place in locations I’m already using. I can even think of one scene I could cut altogether if I needed to.

3. Right now I have two criminals amping up the pressure on the protagonist, I could cut one of those characters and make it just one.

4. I don’t have to drop a car off a two-post hoist. This is really just to show the character is distracted with concerns about his father’s impending release, but I could find a less expensive way to show that with similar consequences.

5. I could eliminate some of the bigger shots of the wildfire and keep it all contained. The wildfire would still be there, just not as much of it would be on screen.

A scene I could rewrite to reduce the budget

I have a scene where people are escaping a burning building after a struggle that ends in gunfire. Really I’m just trying to make things harder and more dangerous for the protagonist. Rather than having the building on fire, I could create an obstacle outside the building that prevents them from leaving.

[David Harper]

David’s Rewrite of Charlie’s Treatment

What I learned doing this assignment is that it’s valuable to have another set of eyes on a project as it gets developed, not just after the writer thinks he has a solid draft. As the script gets developed from concept through outline and treatment and first drafts, it’s a good practice to check in with another experienced, trusted writer who can identify weak spots and opportunities to ramp up the story.

On the producer side it was enlightening. There were several questions my partner asked that I had not thought about that weakened the story. He was great at finding ways to clarify the plot and character motivations, and to deepen the intensity of the drama for the protagonist.

On the writer side it was fun and instructive to review, discuss, and rewrite another writer’s treatment. Doing this is a great exercise to enhance one’s insight and skill as a storyteller.

Title: VICKSBURG by Charlie Fountaine

Treatment rewrite by David Harper

Act I

In the deep southern town of Vicksburg, Mississippi, where a Confederate army once surrendered to General Ulysses S. Grant during the Civil War, the town sheriff, JOHN “BIG JOHN” EASTON, (late 40s, African American) wakes up to an emergency call sending him down to the historic battlefield, since preserved and littered with Confederate monuments. There, hanging from a tree, is a white homeless person, SEAN MACOMB, in what appears to be either a suicide or a frighteningly symbolic lynching.

Across town, enter KENDIS CLARK (mid 20s, African American), an activist returning to his hometown with an agenda to assert a level of racial justice that the largely poor black town has never seen since it was emancipated. He enters a store where a black customer is being treated poorly. He tells the man he should not take that kind of treatment, and that “we need to strike back against this kind of racism.” Watching this all unfold is JOHN “JJ” EASTON JUNIOR (20ish), Big John’s son. Kendis Clark notices the young man watching and tells him it’s time to take a stand for justice. JJ doesn’t reply, and Kendis leaves.

JJ goes home to a stern greeting from his law-and-order father, who mentions he can’t spend time with him on Saturday because he’s got to work the battlefield anniversary ceremony
on the 4th of July. JJ asks his dad some pointed questions about racial justice, clearly inspired by what he witnessed at the store. Big John asks where he got those ideas, and JJ plays it off by saying “just some stuff I heard around town.”

That night, Confederate and Union Civil War REENACTORS camp on the battlefield grounds and host a ceremony to commemorate the history of the site. We cut to the celebration of
the battlefield the next day, which Easton attends with the MAYOR and other
politicians. The mayor makes a speech, which is interrupted by Kendis Clark who shouts hard questions about racial justice from the crowd. Big John has Kendis escorted off the grounds, and things look to be back on track. But during the ceremonial cannon firing, an accidental explosion throws everyone for a loop and ends up killing a young white reenactor named SCOTTY DEYER in a bloody scene.

Afterward, as POLICE interview other reenactors who may have had cause to be involved in the accident, Easton gets word on the identity of the hanging homeless man: Sean Macomb Chancey. The last name catches Easton’s attention, and that night he interviews the other Reenactors to learn Scotty Deyer was a proud descendant of Meredith Chancey, a ruthless slave-holding Confederate who owned a since-abandoned plantation nearby. After researching, Easton calls up an old acquaintance, BOBBY RENEE BRACKEN, a former Miss

Mississippi and southern debutante whom Easton knew briefly in high school. Bracken reveals her maiden name “Chancey” indeed made her a descendant of the slave-holder, though she changed it as soon as possible. She also confirms Sean Macomb as a distant cousin, piquing Easton’s interest: both dead in the past week were descendants of the slaveholder. Easton realizes the cannon explosion was no accident — it was murder — and the victims were specifically targeted.

Kendis Clarke, meanwhile, is making moves as an activist, meeting local
politicians including the town alderman MICHAEL WRIGHT, discussing plans to
change the culture of Vicksburg and put Wright on a run for a state seat. Clark crashes Scotty Deyer’s funeral, where he is apprehended. Easton recognizes him as the protester from the 4th of July ceremony, and begins to suspect he is there to stir up trouble. Easton assigns a deputy to tail Clark and find out what he’s up to.

At home, Easton mentions Kendis Clark to JJ and asks if that was the man he heard all that earlier stuff from. JJ admits it is, and they get into a heated discussion about racial justice. JJ is beginning to develop his own thoughts around racial justice, and those thoughts don’t always agree with his father’s. JJ storms out, defying his father’s authority, and slams the door.

ACT II A

The next day, JJ is playing basketball when he gets into a racially-charged fight that lands him in trouble on campus. Easton picks him up, displeased with his disposition and wondering why he can’t enjoy his life. JJ is much more discontent with current race relations, and the argument from the previous night starts up again. Instead of going home, Big John drives them to a memorial site commemorating a racial battle 100 years ago in which dozens of African Americans died fighting white supremacy. “Tell me things aren’t better now,” he tells JJ. They have a conversation, and JJ seems to be coming around.

So when Kendis Clark turns up in JJ’s classroom as a friend of the professor, JJ initially challenges his ideas by repeating his father’s arguments. But these are his father’s thoughts, and not his own, so he is unable to defend them when Kendis Clark raises points against them. Kendis is persuasive and charismatic, and JJ is won over to his cause.

When Kendis leaves the campus, he is tailed by one of Easton’s DEPUTIES, who discovers Clark and others are working to remove the Confederate monument to Meredith Chancey. The next morning, they find the statue buried in the sludge of the Mississippi River. Easton fumes at the middle finger to the law.

As Michael Wright ramps up his political campaign with Kendis Clark pulling the strings behind him, Easton meets with his friend Bobby Renee for dinner to discuss a state of the town. The two bond over how people have gotten angrier even as, in their eyes, things have gotten better.

ACT II B

The next morning, Easton wakes up to the news that Bobby Renee has gone missing. Her home shows signs of a struggle. Furious, knowing she was a descendant of Chancey and suspecting Clark, Easton goes to Clark’s house to confront him. A deputy sits outside in an unmarked car. Easton tells the deputy to leave, and then goes inside to confront Clark. The deputy agrees to leave, but doesn’t. Instead he hangs around outside to see what’s going on,.

Inside the house, Easton and Clark go back and forth on how differently they see the world, and the animosity rises when Clark makes clear he’s going to recruit Easton’s son JJ to his cause. They eventually wind up in a struggle that turns physical, culminating in Easton shooting Clark to death in a manner ambiguous as to whether the action was justified in self defense or an unnecessary use of force. The deputy, hearing the shot, rushes in to find Kendis Clark dead and Easton holding his service weapon over him.

Easton is quickly taken in and goes through all the procedures police are subjected to after shooting someone. As he is interviewed with his union rep and lawyer present, it becomes clear to him that the politics of the situation are bad, and he is unlikely to escape without facing a legal battle. Upon being released, his relationship with his son grows fractured. JJ faces heat from people in the town about his father, and people are turning on him and threatening him. When things look bleakest for JJ, alderman Wright stands up for him and tell people not to let the sins of the father be a curse to the son. This seals the deal for JJ as to whose side he’s on, and he joins alderman Wright’s campaign as a volunteer.

Eventually Easton is indicted for murder, despite his pleas that Kendis Clark was behind the Chancey killings, and as he is arraigned in court, protestors take to the streets in an unfiltered display of emotion. JJ among them, their street protests culminate in the dragging down of long-time southern monuments throughout the town as law enforcement struggles to contain the demonstration. Easton is released pending trial, and as his law enforcement escort struggles to get him home through the crowd of protesters, he looks out to see JJ rioting with them. He and JJ lock eyes.

ACT III

When JJ doesn’t come home, Easton doesn’t know where he is. He gets a tip that he may be hold up at the old Chancey plantation, where there are rumors of bad behavior. Easton decides to check it out, but quickly learns that it’s not a place for teenage runaways, but rather a lair for a renegade band of white Union soldier Civil War reenactors. Easton connects the fire from their campsite to the evidence of one of the killings, and realizes that the Union reenactors are behind the Chancey murders, not Kendis Clark. The reenactors are killing Chancey’s descendants out of a sense of justice to right the wrongs of the post-Civil War era when Confederate traitors were allowed to go free and impose segregation and racism in the Deep South.

But as Easton realizes this, the villainous reenactors corner him, isolating him in the abandoned plantation in a siege that parallels the famous battle of Vicksburg 160 years prior. Somehow

Easton manages to escape with his life by the skin of his teeth, killing the reenactors in the process.

He returns to home a changed man, understanding his destructive beliefs about Kendis Clark were wrong as the destructive beliefs people carry on both sides of the race equation. He tells alderman Wright he was wrong, and asks him to please tell JJ he is sorry.

As the trial opens, Easton sits with his attorneys in the courtroom. The door in the back opens, and they turn to see JJ coming in. He and Easton lock eyes. Something passes between them. Forgiveness? Animosity? Only time will tell. Fade out.

[David Harper]

David’s Producer Interview Experience

What I learned is that getting someone else’s perspective on my project helps me think about it more clearly and shape it with more intention. I’m better able to see the weaknesses when someone asks me a question and I have to fumble around to find an answer. I’m also better able to see the entire project as a whole and how all the pieces need to fit together.

On the writer end, asking the questions, I realized that I don’t need to be an Oscar winning screenwriter to be able to ask simple questions and find new angles on someone’s concept. Going through the process with someone else’s project strengthens my skill as a writer on several levels.

Both sides of the equation were fun to do and productive.

[David Harper]

David’s Fantastic Treatment

What I learned doing this assignment is that I already know much more about the story than I realize, and writing the treatment helps pull out some details I wasn’t aware were lurking in there. I also realized I don’t need to have all the answers in terms of how each sequence will play out in specific actions, I just need to know the outline and arc of the major beats.

Title: The Remnant

Genre: Action Thriller

Open on a world in crisis. Martial law in the cities. Nations on lockdown. News reports of a rapidly spreading, airborne bacteria. Enter the Presidential Emergency Operations Center, far below ground beneath the White House, where POTUS and several CABINET MEMBERS discuss strategy. DOCTOR LOWELL CANTEL pleads permission to return to his work in the CDC lab in Atlanta, where he was close to a cure prior to being forcibly evacuated by the military. His request is denied. Atlanta is ground zero for the pandemic. The military has cordoned it off. No one enters. An especially no one leaves.

Later, GENERAL LAURA KINGSWORTH approaches Dr. Cantel privately. She tells him she has a team ready to penetrate the blockade around Atlanta if he is serious about getting the cure from his lab. This is an unsanctioned operation. If he agrees, he could face charges of treason. And if they get stuck inside the city, there will be no one the get them out. Cantel refuses, stating maybe it’s best humanity is culled. We’ll see some of the reasons he feels this way throughout the first act. Suffice it to say that Cantel is not a fan of the human race. His thoughts on evolution are that as we’ve evolved physically, we’ve devolved morally and spiritually to the point where the race may well be unredeemable.

On his way home his wife contacts him. Both she and their young daughter have contracted the disease. He cannot go home. He cannot help them. There is nothing he can do for them now. Unless … He contacts Kingsworth and takes her up on the offer.

Kingsworth connects him with a rough group of ex-military personnel. Two Navy SEALS, an Army Ranger, and a Marine RECON. Cantel is not comfortable working with these guys, and they make no effort to make him so. After some difficulty, they are able to penetrate into Atlanta.

Atlanta is in a state of anarchy. Gangs rule the streets with guns and violence. People hide as best they can. The gangs are ruthless, living only for the moment, and for power. Since there is no economy inside the city, the gangs just take what they want and abuse and/or kill who they want. It is survival of the fittest writ plain. The team fights their way through the city, staying under the radar when they can, and killing when they have to. What Cantel sees in Atlanta only reinforces his philosophy that humans are morally and spiritually corrupt and without redemption.

They reach the lab. The exterior is in shambles. The lobby and administrative offices have been looted and torched. They enter, careful to watch for hostiles. The entrance to the main labs is intact, but the access system in inoperative. They cannot get in. The Army Ranger uses det cord to blow the door, under the protests of Cantel.

As soon as the door is blown, gangs arrive. The gangs have hoped for entrance to the CDC labs. A fire fight ensues. The skill of the military special forces are great, but there are too many gang members. As things start to look bleak, hell rains down from above, obliterating the front line of the gangs, and sending the rest running in terror. In the sky, a military helicopter hovers. After a moment it lands next to the lab. General Kingsworth gets out and greets the team. Now Cantel finds out the real mission. He is to weaponize this bacteria, and anything else he can. General Kingsworth and the soldiers she recruited are part of a right-wing extremist group that wants to take over the government and impose a military dictatorship to enforce a right-wing religious ethos on America.

Cantel flatly refuses. He may see humanity as irredeemably corrupt and in need of a culling, but to facilitate that culling himself would make him no better than anyone else. Kingsworth points out his ethical hubris in claiming that he is morally better than the rest of the world. She reasons that he is the same as she is. Moral, just, and ready to see the world emptied of sinners and blasphemers. All he needs to do, she says, is grow the moral backbone to do what is right. To destroy the heathen and build a new America that honors God.

Cantel still refuses. They are about to take him by force when another wave of gang members start shooting. In the confusion, Cantel escapes. As he ducks and runs, he leaves the firefight behind. Now he is alone.

He spends the rest of the day looking for shelter while avoiding the roving gangs. He finds a place to rest and maybe sleep. Just as he’s about to lay down, a sack is placed over his head from behind and he is dragged off.

The sack is removed and he is in a large, open area with medical beds and what little medical equipment is left. This is a shelter and makeshift hospital, so far hidden from the gangs. Here doctors, nurses, and volunteers work to care for and comfort the sick. Many of the doctors, nurses, and volunteers are sick themselves.

This is where he meets the best of humanity. Those who, even under the direst circumstances, care for and comfort others. He learns a new side of humanity, and is helped by the person who runs the shelter, a woman who is Christian, but on the far left of the spectrum. Rather than talk about sin and blasphemy like the General, she talks about love and compassion and mercy. Here, Cantel finds a human race worth fighting for.

Too late, though. Kingsworth and the soldiers storm in, having placed a tracking device on Cantel. He now has a choice. Go with them and do as they say, or they’ll kill everyone in this shelter. He goes with the soldiers.

As they move towards the lab, he notices a skin lesion on his arm, the first sign of the bacterial infection.

At the lab, he ensures the General and her soldiers are safely locked away from him so they don’t get infected. Then he gets to work. As he works, he gives them a few little demonstrations of how the weaponized bacteria will bedeployed, but it’s never quite ready for prime time. The General is getting frustrated, especially because Cantel’s symptoms are getting worse. Then one day she looks up to see him smiling, with no lesions at all. He’s been working on a cure, and he has found one. She orders her soldiers to kill him, but he floods the room they’re in with a gas that renders them temporarily helpless. He takes the opportunity to lock them in, then tells them he’s given them some kind of disease that he weaponized. Now they can feel how it is do die the death they wanted for everyone else. They try to escape but it’s no use, he’s secured them well. He describes all the symptoms they are about to experience in horrific detail.

He then distributes the cure to the sick in the city. He is able to escape the gangs and get to the military outside. They hold him at gun point while he explains who he is and that he has the cure. The military personnel verify his identity.

Inside, the gangs have found the shelter and are wreaking havoc in it. Just in time the military from outside the city sweeps in and defeats them. Cantel leads the military to the lab, where Kingsworth and the others are arrested. He was lying about infecting them with a disease, and now they’ll have to face court martial.

Images of a world rebuilding. Cities reopening and people milling about in the streets. News reports of the cure being spread across the world. At the White House, the president makes a speech.

Then there is some heartwarming stuff showing Cantel with his healthy family, and showing how his attitude towards humanity has changed for the better.

[David Harper]

David Harper is Ready for Script Exchange Version 1

I haven’t been posting my writing in the forums, but I have been doing the writing assignments and have finished a 90 page draft. If anyone would like to exchange feedback hit me up with a PM.

[David Harper]

(David Harper’s) Synopsis for Producer Interview

1. Title: Not sure on this one. Been struggling to think of it …

2. Genre: Drama/Action

3. Logline: In order to stop a global pandemic, a disgraced virologist must sneak into a heavily guarded hot zone to steal the cure

4. Synopsis: The logline has most of what I know at this point. The hot zone is guarded by the military, it’s ground zero for the virus (it may also be a bacteria, I’ve had a few thoughts on how that might occur based on an existing bacteria in the desert near where I live). In my mind, the virologist has suffered some scandal and is no longer trusted. I think he’ll team up with some ex-military types to get in the hot zone and steal the cure. I think the ex-military types may also have their own agenda that ends up complicating his mission.

[David Harper]

Some feedback for Edward Gadrix

Hey Edward.

Wow. Just … wow. That is a really terrific sample. The imagery you create is so vivid, and the drama is so intense … When we get to the scene, years later, with the peaceful portrait of American Beach, it’s perfect timing. That’s about the point at which we need to take a breath, and you release your grip and let us have it.

I especially like how uncompromising you are with the scene on the slave ship. I think over the course of history much of this has been watered down and many people don’t realize the real horrors that happened around slavery. This is just one of many such stories, and it needs to be known.

I love how none of the slaves have names. Just male slave 1, etc., which for the reader really furthers how dehumanizing this is. Your descriptions of the characters and their relationships to each other are visual and compelling, we see so much with so little. It’s excellent writing and very cinematic.

Your description of modern day American Beach really puts us there, and your description of Mavynee tells us so much about her. In that one moment, that very first visual image, we get a sense of her life, background, and passion. We like her immediately, even before she speaks.

And when she does, wow. “When you know the story of American Beach …”

Yes, we just saw it played out in all its horror, right in front of us. Its fresh in our minds, and you’re letting us know that’s what this is all about.

Really, really great work here.

As far as any improvements I’d suggest, I can’t think of any off the top of my head. If I do I’ll edit this post to update it.

[David Harper]

Sample pages for my (David Harper) screenplay, genre: drama

These are the first ten pages …

INT. ROADSIDE GAS STATION, MIDDLE OF NOWHERE WEST TEXAS – DAY

Hands unwrap a Payday candy bar and bring it to the biting maw of RAYMOND “PATCH” HARRIGAN, 40s, clean shaven, fidgety, scar under his right eye.

He chews the peanut and caramel with a grin while opening a cash register. He stares down at the money. A few tens, couple of fives, some ones, and assorted change.

PATCH

This all you got?

Behind him and ELDERLY COUPLE are tied up, back to back, in rickety chairs.

The man nods. The woman glares.

Patch stares them down for a beat.

Walks up to them, puts a gun to the man’s head.

PATCH

Where’s the safe?

EXT. GAS STATION – CONTINUOUS

WILLIAM “ROOSTER” HARRIGAN, 40s, tall, three days since his last shave, finishes pumping gas into a late model Ford Mustang.

Two gunshots echo from inside. Rooster stops pumping gas and put the nozzle back on the pump. Puts a hand behind his waist on the butt of a pistol.

Patch steps out of the store, takes the last bite of the Payday, tosses the wrapper aside. Walks to the car.

Rooster shakes his head.

PATCH

What?

ROOSTER

You have to shoot everybody?

PATCH

Son of a bitch tried to get funny.

ROOSTER

They have anything worth getting funny over?

PATCH

Nah. Just some change.

ROOSTER

Don’t matter none. We’re going to get ours.

They jump in the Mustang. It speeds off down an empty desert highway.

INT. TWERN AUTOMOTIVE, BASTROP, TX – DAY

A metal building with concrete floors, impact tools, and assorted automotive fluids stocked along the wall.

DANNY SINCLAIR, early 20s, probably a decent looking guy if you wipe off the axle grease and put him chinos, raises a car on a two post hoist. The car goes up, up, up, until

BOOM!

It tips backwards off the hoist and crashes to the shop floor.

Danny freezes, staring at the carnage. Behind him, DWAYNE STANFORD, 30s, another mechanic at the shop, looks up, wide-eyed.

DWAYNE

Holy shit, Danny.

JERRY TWERN, 50s, gruff, shirt untucked to (unsuccessfully) hide his beer belly, charges out of the office.

JERRY

What the hell?

Danny snaps out of his shock and into focus.

DANNY

I’m sorry, I … I don’t know how it fell off.

Jerry storms over to the hoist and looks at it.

JERRY

Son of a bitch!

He wheels on Danny.

JERRY

You got the arms too close together. Did you even rock test it?

DANNY

I … I think –

JERRY

Not think! Did you or did you not?

Danny won’t look at him. Jerry shakes his head.

JERRY

Damnit, Danny. Where is your head?

DANNY

I’m sorry, Jerry. I guess I just … It’s my dad. I guess I was already there.

Jerry softens, but still fumes.

JERRY

Damn good thing I have insurance.

DANNY

I’m really sorry, Jerry.

Jerry takes a long look at the wrecked car. Then:

JERRY

Just go get your dad. Me and Dwayne will clean up here.

DANNY

I don’t have to pick him up for another couple hours. Let me clean this up. It’s my mess.

JERRY

If your head is already there, I’d rather you go now. Before you wreck anything else.

Danny crumbles a little.

DANNY

Ok. Sorry.

Beat. Danny turns and walks towards the exit.

JERRY

Danny!

Danny whirls around.

DANNY

Yeah?

JERRY

I hope things go ok with your dad.

Danny nods, then exits.

EXT. AUTO SHOP – DAY

Danny walks out of the shop, wiping his hands on a shop rag. He rounds the corner of the building toward his pickup, an older model with an extended cab.

Leaning against his pickup is ELLE GARNER, late 30s, eyes bearing the weather of a hard life but hoping for a better future.

Danny freezes.

ELLE

Hi Danny.

DANNY

I’m not taking you.

ELLE

Danny, come on. I was the one supposed to pick him up, not you.

DANNY

Then you shouldn’t have got your license suspended.

ELLE

Look, I know you don’t like me, but –

DANNY

No. We’re not doing this.

ELLE

What about Arlo? You don’t think he wants to see me?

DANNY

It ain’t got anything to do with who my dad wants to see. It’s got to do with who I don’t want to see. You.

ELLE

Ok. I just thought since it was his first day out we could start it off without any kind of bad blood. Help your daddy get off on a good start. Positive vibes and all that. But you’re right. It don’t matter what’s best for him, long as you get to hold a grudge.

She walks off. Danny watches her go. Gets in his truck.

EXT. BASTROP, TX – DAY

Elle walks along the road through town. Danny’s truck pulls up next to her. The passenger door opens. Elle smiles and gets in.

INT. PRISON – DAY

ARLO SINCLAIR – 40s, square jawed and handsome even in his orange jumpsuit, is being escorted along the corridor by two GUARDS.

Approaching from the opposite direction is PHIL MORGANO, 30s, muscled, another jumpsuit escorted by two more GUARDS.

As they cross, MORGANO spits at Arlo. Arlo whirls and charges. The guards separate them quickly, before blood is shed.

MORGANO

You better thank those boys for saving your ass, Arlo!

ARLO

I’ll do that right after I thank your wife.

Morgano tries to break free of the guards. They hold him fast.

Arlo smiles as his guards drag him down the corridor. He walks backwards facing Morgano. Puts a middle and index finger around his mouth in a V shape and makes a licking motion.

Morgano tries to charge again. The guards clobber him. Arlo laughs.

INT. PROPERTY ROOM – DAY

Arlo stands at the counter, flanked by the guards, as the PROPERTY CLERK itemizes his property out to him. The clerk checks each item off a list as he sets it on the counter.

PROPERTY CLERK

One belt, brown … One wallet … Jeans … chambray shirt …

Arlo snatches up the jeans and shirt. Digs in the pockets. Digs again.

PROPERTY CLERK

Timex watch …

ARLO

Where’s the key?

PROPERTY CLERK

The who?

ARLO

The key. I had a key.

The property clerk holds up the list.

PROPERTY CLERK

No key listed here.

ARLO

I had a key. I want it back.

PROPERTY CLERK

Look, mister. If it’s not on this sheet –

Arlo lunges across the counter and grabs him by the shirt.

ARLO

Give me my fucking key!

The guards grab him and pull him off the property clerk.

GUARD

You better calm the fuck down if you want to walk out that door, Sinclair.

Arlo shakes them off. Stares the property clerk down.

ARLO

I had a key. It was bronze. Went to a Master lock. You better have it.

GUARD

Check the bin.

PROPERTY CLERK

(holding up the paper)

But I just –

GUARD

Just check the damn bin, Claude.

The clerk disappears into a back room. Arlo stretches his neck around, popping it.

The clerk returns with a bronze key. Places it on the counter.

PROPERTY CLERK

One key. Bronze.

Arlo picks up the key. Smiles at the clerk.

ARLO

Now then. Ain’t you glad you checked?

GUARD

Alright, let’s go.

INT. DANNY’S TRUCK – DAY

Danny and Elle sit in the truck, windows down, across the street from the prison.

DANNY

Did he ever ask about me?

ELLE

I told him all about you. How you were doing, what you were up to.

DANNY

But did he ever ask?

ELLE

He didn’t need to ask. I told him.

DANNY

You think he would have asked if you hadn’t?

Beat.

ELLE

What’s important is he’s getting out. We cam be a family.

DANNY

You’re not my mom.

ELLE

I’m not your mother, no. But I could be your mom if you let me.

DANNY

I won’t.

Elle starts to say something, decides against it. They lapse back into silence.

Across the street, the prison gate opens. Elle smiles.

ELLE

There’s my man.

Walking out of the prison towards them is Arlo, in the jeans and chambray shirt from the property room.

EXT. PRISON – DAY

Elle runs to meet Arlo. Danny stands by the truck, watching.

Elle and Arlo embrace and engage in a long kiss. Arlo’s hand wastes no time getting to her ass. They look like they may dry hump right there.

Arlo picks her up and swings her around. She squeals. Arlo clocks Danny standing by his truck. Puts Elle down.

ARLO

What’s he doing here?

ELLE

I got my license suspended.

ARLO

Damnit, Elle –

ELLE

Arlo, please. Let’s not start off by arguing, ok? Besides, I got a better idea how you can take your frustrations out on me.

Arlo smiles, pulls her close and squeezes her ass.

ARLO

That’s good, because I’m one frustrated son of a bitch.

They walk towards the truck, on each other like teenagers.

EXT. DANNY’S TRUCK – CONTINUOUS

Arlo and Elle approach. Danny fidgets. Looks like he might stick out a hand, then covers it by scratching his arm.

DANNY

Hi dad.

Arlo looks at him, nods.

ARLO

Danny. Appreciate you picking me up.

DANNY

No problem. I fixed up a room you can use at the trailer.

ARLO

I’m staying with Elle.

DANNY

No, yeah, I know that. I just thought if you wanted to visit sometime, you could –

ARLO

We’re in the same town. If I visit I’ll go home after. Let’s go.

EXT. MOTEL – DAY

Arlo and Elle get out of the truck. A sheriff’s patrol car pulls into the lot.

Arlo smiles as CARTER JAMESON, 40s, County Sheriff, steps out from behind the wheel. Out of the passenger side unfolds MITCH CANNON, 30s, lanky, Sheriff’s Deputy.

Danny gets out of his truck and watches.

CARTER

Arlo. Thought that was you.

ARLO

Sheriff. How good to see you. You been alright?

CARTER

Fair enough I suppose. Been quiet around town. Best it stays that way.

Danny steps in.

DANNY

Now look here Sheriff – my dad has paid his due. You got no call making threats.

Arlo steps up, puts an arm around Danny. Puts on a big smile.

ARLO

That’s alright, Danny. The sheriff here is just doing his job, making sure I’m rehabilitated and all.

CARTER

Actually Arlo, I just thought I’d say hello, see if there was anything you needed.

That smile again.

ARLO

Well that’s mighty nice of you, Sheriff. I reckon for right now all I need is that motel and a pretty lady.

Carter glances over to Elle.

CARTER

Well, looks like you got everything you need, then. You think of anything else you give us a holler, alright?

ARLO

Appreciate it, Sheriff.

Carter nods a goodbye. Arlo gives him a two finger salute. Carter and Mitch drive out.

INT. PATROL CAR – DAY

Carter drives, Mitch looks at Arlo, Elle, and Danny in the rear view.

MITCH

We better keep an eye on him, Sheriff.

CARTER

Well, let’s give him the benefit of the doubt for now. Danny’s right. His dad has paid his dues.

MITCH

Yeah, but he’s still Arlo Sinclair.

CARTER

And he’s still innocent until proven guilty. Give the man chance, Mitch.

[David Harper]

Business Decisions: What I learned is that the business considerations are critical to actually getting the film made. So while I can write the first draft however I want, subsequent drafts should be revised with one eye on the business considerations of the film.

Genre

My genre is drama, specifically family drama and thriller. It centers around a young man who is trying to build a relationship with his dad, and ex-con, after his dad gets out of prison. His dad has enemies, and the son is trying to help him resolve those issues as well as build a new life post incarceration.

Title

“Inferno Heist” – I think it’s a good title, it conjures up a good image or two for a movie poster. It may need to change, however, because it gives the impression it is a heist film. There is a bank heist in the movie, but it is not the central theme.

Concept

The concept is one of breaking cycles, specifically breaking harmful and damaging cycles that have persisted in families over generations.

Audience

I see the audience as over 25, mostly male. There is a love interest for the protagonist with a strong female character though, so over 25 females might also be a draw. When I say strong female character, I mean one who stands her ground and challenges the protagonist to choose a better life for himself than the one that was modeled by his father.

Budget

This is a difficult one. It takes place in a medium size town in Texas and has a small cast. There are four main locations, plus some exterior stuff in and around the town. The biggest budget consideration is a wildfire that burns out of control and engulfs the town. That might get pricey.

Lead Character Journey and Arc

The lead character is an early 20’s man who had a rough upbringing in a broken home and wants more than anything to have a family. His parents divorced when he was very young, his dad went to prison for bank robbery shortly thereafter, and his mother eventually drank herself to death. He’s desperate to build a relationship with his dad because he sees him as the only family he has. In the end he has to make a violent break from his father, and realizes he has family all around him in the other people who are with him on this journey.

Opening/Ending

The opening actually introduces us to two criminals that will show up and ruin things for the lead character, kind of like the opening of “A History of Violence.” After that we get to the lead character at work and not doing very well at it. He goes to pick up his dad from prison within the first few pages.

The end is the lead character owning his own business, having resolved relationship issues with a woman he blamed for wrecking his parents marriage, and married himself to the strong female character mentioned above. Family, family, everywhere.

[David Harper]

I learned that within each genre there are not just tropes (like things blowing up in an action movie) but conventions. A goal the movie has outside the story. A goal to deliver to the audience. Audiences come to a film with genre based expectations, and the film needs to meet those expectations. It seems this is far more important than any of the many plotting conventions. So long as the film delivers on the audience expectations, it almost doesn’t matter how the plot is constructed.

I’m using drama as my specialty.

The first movie is “A Simple Plan”

PURPOSE: This film certainly delivers on that, balancing the prospect of easy riches with ideas of ethics and morality, family, etc.

CHARACTER-DRIVEN JOURNEY: This is an interesting film in that the characters in the family all go from good, law abiding citizens to murderers and thieves because of greed.

HIGH STAKES COME FROM WITHIN: Definitely. A lot of this is about family and what we’ll do to protect them. It’s also about the internal destruction that greed causes, and how it rips people apart from the inside and destroys their relationships.

EMOTIONALLY RESONATES: These characters are all so relatable, we’re rooting for them to win. Then when things turn south we’re rooting for them to make better choices, to flee their corruption and go back to being good people who love their families and contribute to their community. The audience gets emotionally engaged because these people feel like family to us.

CHALLENGING, EMOTIONALLY-CHARGED SITUATIONS: What’s more emotionally charged than family?

REAL-LIFE SITUATIONS: These are real people, living lives the audience can relate to. The way the story unfolds is so realistic that we can see it happening to us if we make the wrong choices. One small choice leads to another, which leads to another, and pretty soon we’re no longer who we once were.

The second movie is “The Front”

Although billed as a comedy, it’s really a drama with comedic elements.

PURPOSE: The stakes are high for the protagonist. First he has all these gambling debts he owes, then once he gets those taken care of he has to run in circles to protect the lie he is living and the people he is helping. He can’t even be honest with his girlfriend. Plus, the government is investigating him.

CHARACTER_DRIVEN JOURNEY: He has quite the arc by the end. From being a guy who is trying to make a buck by bucking the system, he becomes the hero who goes to prison for exposing the system as a sham.

HIGH STAKES COME FROM WITHIN: Although there are external pressures imposed by the House Committee on Un-American Activities, much of the conflict for the protagonist and a couple of the main supporting characters was about them standing up to the committee even though it would mean ruin for themselves and their families. They had to struggle with deciding the right thing to do. Act with integrity, even though it would cost them dearly, or go along to get along.

EMOTIONALLY RESONATES: Everyone has experienced rejection and being shut out of something, so everyone can relate on some level to the characters in this film.

CHALLENGING, EMOTIONALLY CHARGED SITUATIONS: There is quite a bit of that in this film, both in terms of the studio executives and the protagonist’s romantic relationship.

REAL LIFE SITUATIONS: These situations aren’t just grounded in reality, the film was written and directed by someone who was blacklisted, and several of the actors in it were blacklisted as well. It’s about as real as it gets.

[David Harper]

David’s LinkedIn profile is getting better!

What I learned: There is probably a lot more opportunity for legitimate connections on LinkedIn than I realized, especially with people who already know me. I’ve ignored LinkedIn and should start taking it seriously.

I’ve rebuilt my profile to focus on screenwriting, and personalized it a bit to give a small taste of my brand and voice. I’ve also updated it to show I’m available to work as a writer.

Going forward I’ll need to add some of my specific credits and awards to the resume, and connect with producers and directors and writers I already know IRL.

[David Harper]

David’s credibility is creeping up!

What I learned: That I have more credibility than I give myself credit for. It may not be major studio worthy, but it’s at least worthy of getting into smaller studios.

Based on the credibility model … My major credibility is having written and produced several award-winning short films and web series, as well as award-winning plays. I’ve also placed highly in some screenwriting competitions. I have a pretty good list of credits on IMDB.

Future-wise I’m focused on getting more of my feature scripts out there for coverage, and where appropriate, screenplay competitions (I’ll check in with some optioned writers I know about which ones are worth the time and entry fee). I’ll start making more connections, and also start reconnecting with producers and directors I have worked with before, especially on social media like LinkedIn.

I’ve updated my web page as a result of this class, and added a portfolio page, as well as a contact form and a note that I’m available to write screenplays. I’ve updated my LinkedIn profile as well.

[David Harper]

David Harper’s projects and insights

The biggest insight for me was the different ways the audition can happen. Sounds like it would be challenging and fun.

The two projects I’m bringing:

A. Idea I’d like to create: A heist film: Los Angeles is ground zero for the worst plague in history. It’s completely locked down and surrounded by the military to keep those inside, inside, and those outside, outside. Someone on the outside needs to get inside in order to conduct the heist.

B. Finished script: A young man in a small town tries to build a relationship with his dad after the dad gets out of prison.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  David Harper.

[David Harper]

1. Name? David Harper

2. How many scripts you’ve written? Six features, several stage plays, one television pilot, and enough short films and web series that I should know better.

3. What you hope to get out of the class? I want to get writing assignments, because although I love writing my own vision, I also very much enjoy collaborating with others to bring their vision to life on the page.

4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? I don’t know if it’s unique, special, strange, or unusual, but I’m an avid sailor and I skipper for a sailing school here at the marina.

[David Harper]

David Harper.

I agree to the terms of this release form.

[David Harper]

Old Ways:

1. Timid, won’t stand up for himself

2. Afraid to tell the girl he loves how he feels

3. Desperate for his dad’s approval

4. Blames himself for his dad going to prison

New Ways:

1. Able to stand up to his father and anyone else who tries to manipulate or hurt others

2. Marries the girl he loves

3. Defines excellence for himself, doesn’t need his father’s approval

4. Accepts responsibility for his own life, not his father’s

Make a list of 6 – 8 changes or steps that need to happen for that character to go from who they are in the beginning (Old Ways) to who they are in the ending (New Ways)

1. He needs to gain self-confidence

2. He needs to be able to stand up for himself

3. He needs to be able to go for what he wants

4. He needs to become his own man

5. He needs stand up to his dad

6. He needs to give himself approval rather than needing it from others

7. He needs to take ownership of his own choices and life

Brainstorm dramatic events or tests that could cause those changes for the character.

1. Danny is invited to go skeet shooting. He is nervous about it, but it turns out he’s a natural

2. Danny tries to fight Rooster and Patch when they threaten his family. He gets all hell beat out of him, but he feels better about himself for having done it

3. Danny dresses himself all up to go get that bank loan … that he doesn’t get

4. Danny will have to make a choice – kill his father to save the sheriff

5. He’ll have to circle back to someone from the beginning where once he needed their approval he now doesn’t. Still working on this one, but it will show the full growth in the aftermath of it all

[David Harper]

<div>David Harper’s 4 Act Transformational Structure</div>

What I learned doing this assignment is that the story will outline itself if I know the character arcs.

Act 1

Opening<div>

Danny is leaving work early, boss isn’t happy. Danny goes to pick up his dad from prison. Dad’s girlfriend Elle wants to go with. Danny doesn’t like her, but takes her anyway.

Inciting Incident

Danny picks up Arlo from prison, brings him back to town. No one wants to see Arlo there.

Turning Point

Rooster and Patch show up and demand their money. Arlo goes to get it. It’s been destroyed by the elements. Rooster and Patch start breathing out threats and give him an ultimatum.

Act 2

New plan</div><div>

Danny has to help his dad. He decides he’s going to confront Rooster and Patch. It just makes things worse.

Plan in action

He reports them to the sheriff, but the sheriff can’t do anything because there is no evidence of a crime. Even his dad won’t testify against them. Rooster and Patch show up to beat the shit out of him, he tells them he can get the money. He goes to get a bank loan. He is refused. He gets a little crazy and is escorted out of the bank by the sheriff. He is arrested. Reports of a wildfire are coming in.

Midpoint Turning Point

Danny is released, the bank won’t press charges. He goes to see his dad. Agrees with his dad that the banks are corrupt. They get word of the evacuation orders. They get ready to go. Rooster and Patch show up. They want their money.

Act 3

Rethink everything</div><div>

Danny loads everyone up in his truck and they take off, he thinks to evacuate. But they have other plans. They force him to participate in a bank heist while the town is evacuated.

New plan

Danny finds out his dad is the one who started the fire, just so he could get his revenge, and he’s using it as cover for the bank heist.

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift

Elle takes off with the truck and escapes. Danny goes to escape, but he can’t leave his dad to die. Meanwhile Arlo kills Rooster and Patch and heists the bank himself. Danny ends up riding back with Carter (sheriff) who is trying to get people out.

Act 4

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict</div>

Carter confronts Arlo, there is a shootout, Carter is shot. Danny takes Carter’s gun and kills Arlo. Then they have to escape.

Resolution

Danny ends up marrying Becca, so he has a family after all.

[David Harper]

<div>David Harper’s Character Interviews</div>

What I learned doing this assignment is that I already know more about my characters than I realize.

PROTAGONIST

Tell me about yourself.

Yeah, ok. So I’m Danny. Danny, uh … Sinclair. I work down to the factory. Mainly sheet metal press. Drain pans for AC units. Sometimes I get moved over to the frame press, but only if somebody is out sick or something. I guess … I that what you want to know what I do at work? I mean there isn’t much else. I live outside town in a trailer. Was my mom’s, but she died last year. Don’t know of what. Just up and died. They said it was alcohol poisoning, but I think they just made that up because they don’t know. She drank, yeah. Sometimes a lot. But I don’t think she’d drink herself to death. She was trying to put things together. She really was. I swear she was making progress. Even Pastor Mike said so. Oh, my dad? He’s just now back from prison. I think he’s going to make himself a good life. I think he’s going to turn things around. I want to help him do that. We’re not close. I hope we can be. I hope my dad will love me, you know? I’d do pretty much anything for him. I never really had a family, you know? My dad in prison, my mom drunk all the time. I had to keep things as stable as I could. It’s been hard. I just want to have a family.

Why do you think you were called to this journey? Why you?

Why me? Oh, man. I don’t know. I reckon sometimes shitty things happen to people, I don’t know that there’s a reason for them. Main thing I want to do now is help my dad. So I guess the thing that calls me to it is I really want us to be close. To be a family.

You are up against your father, Arlo. What is it about them that makes this journey even more difficult for you?

I’m not against him. I’m trying to help him. See that’s the thing that makes it difficult. Everybody else is against him. and they all act like he’s my enemy or something. Like he’s just this awful part of my life and he’s just using me to … I don’t know. But I swear he can be better. He just needs some help. Maybe the thing that makes it so hard is that he doesn’t know any other way than the way he has gone. I got to help him see a better way.

<u style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>In order to survive or accomplish this, you are going to have to step way outside of your box. What changes do you expect to make and which of them will be the most difficult?

I’m going to have to learn to stand up to people. Especially my dad. He’s pretty strong willed and bullheaded. But also, you know, everybody else in the town who won’t give him a chance. I never was really good at standing up for myself, but I need to stand up for my dad.

What habits or ways of thinking do you think will be the most difficult to let go of?

I guess that’s maybe my feeling like a victim in all this. I swear I was dealt a bad hand, but there’s nothing I can do about that. I’ve just been accepting it and folding. But you know, sometimes you just have to play the hand you have. If you always fold you never win. And maybe I won’t win. But I have to try.

What fears, insecurities and wounds have held you back?

I mean, if my parents couldn’t even be there for me, who will? What does it say about me that neither of my parents cared enough to have a real family? What does it say about me that I was just a thing that happened? A thing that made my mom drink herself stupid? A thing that my dad didn’t want to see any time I tried to visit him in prison?

What skills, background or expertise makes you well-suited to face this conflict or antagonist?

I don’t know that I have any.

What are you hiding from the other characters?

I’m the one that got my dad arrested. I was only six. I didn’t know what I was doing. Also, I think I’m in love with Becca.

What don’t you want them to know?

That it was me that got him arrested.

What do you think of Arlo?

I mean, he’s had a hard life, I know that. He told me about growing up, about the banks taking everything from his parents. About going from town to town with his parents while they looked for work. How no one in this town ever helped them. How his parents just finally gave up and lived on the streets until they died, and he was left to fed for himself.

<u style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Tell me your side of this whole conflict / story.What does it do for your life is you succeed here?

I mean, like I said, I never had a family. Not really. And I need one. Everyone needs a family. Without a family we don’t really belong anywhere. Family is home. Family is what grounds us. I need to be grounded.

ANTAGONIST

Tell me about yourself.

Arlo Sinclair. Ex-con. I’ll steal from you as quick as I’ll buy you a beer. Matter of fact, if I buy you a beer you better know there’s an angle. If I pat you on the back with on hand, you better know there’s a knife in the other hand making its way down. Life is about power. You get power from manipulating other people. From taking there power away from them. You see something you want, you take it. You don’t ask permission. You take it. That goes for anything. Power, money, women. This is dog eat dog world, and I’m gonna be the biggest, nastiest dog you ever saw.

Having to do with this journey, what are your strengths and weaknesses?

My strengths are that I’m ruthless and I don’t give a fat shit about what anybody thinks. I see the world as it is. A big ass mosh pit full of dumb shits and piss poor losers. Even the winners are losers, because they’ll end up losing to me. Weaknesses? Fuck you.

Why are you committed to making the Protagonist fail?

It ain’t about him failing. It’s about me winning. If you want to win, the other guy has to lose. That’s life. That’s how the world works. I could give a shit about him. What I care about is me.

What do you get out of winning this fight / succeeding in your plan / taking down your competition?

Revenge. Money. Power. A chance to get the fuck out of Dodge and relax on an exotic beach drinking beer under a palm tree until I figure out my next game.

What drives you toward your mission / agenda, even in the face of danger, ruin, or death?

When I was a kid, the S&L crisis wiped a lot of people out. Two of those people were my parents. They lost everything. House, car, jobs. Nobody in this shit town would lift a finger to help them. The bank that stayed in business wouldn’t give them a loan. Nobody would hire either of them. Yeah, I know it was a tough time for everybody, but you know what? Somebody could have cooked us a meal, or gave us a little money, or given us a couch to sleep on for a couple weeks. There were places here could have hired my dad or my mom, but they didn’t. Yeah, I know economics were tough, but they could have made it work. And the bank here? The one that was still in business? They could have floated us a loan. Something, anything to help get us through. As it was we ended up bouncing from town to town while my parents did odd jobs and lived in our car. Eventually, when I was 14, they left me to wait for them at a local library and went off and committed suicide. That’s what this fucking town and these fucking people and that fucking bank did to my parents. Then a couple years later I decided the world was going to do the same shit to me, so I got busy making my own way. I’d still be making it if that dumbass sheriff hadn’t stopped me.

What secrets must you keep to succeed?

I’m going to get the money. Damn right I am. But I’m not splitting it with Rooster and Patch. I’ll kill them and keep it all. See, I figure it was them that ratted me out before. Revenge is a bitch.

What other secrets do you keep out of fear / insecurity?

I’ve got a whole other stash of cash nobody knows about.

Compared to other people like you, what makes you special?

That I don’t give a fat rat’s ass about anybody but myself. See, that’s the weakness for most people. They care about somebody other than themselves. That’s just a weight that drags you down and holds you back.

What do you think of Danny?

He’s a dumbass. But he’s useful. He’s going to help me look good, look rehabilitated. He’s going to help me gain people’s trust so I can really bring the shitstorm down on them.

Tell me your side of this whole conflict / story.

You heard it. Right up there. All that shit they did to my parents? It’s coming down on them now.

[David Harper]

David Harper’s character profile part 2

What I learned doing this assignment is that I can start with smaller details and let them lead me to the deeper character profile. I don’t have to know everything when I start.

Fill in Part 2 of the character Profile for your two lead characters.

Danny Sinclair – Protagonist

What draws us to this character: Danny is an underdog, but we can see a quiet strength that is dormant inside him. He’s a decent guy who loves his dad and wants his dad to love him.

Traits: Submissive, loyal, taciturn, shy

Subtext: Looks away when he doesn’t like something that happens or that is said. Starts to express ideas then stops, letting them hang in the air.

Flaw: Easily manipulated

Values: Family, loyalty

Irony: He’s the weakest person in the room, but he’ll be able to stop Arlo when no one else can

What makes this the right character for this role? As Arlo’s son, he’s uniquely positioned to be manipulated and used by Arlo, and uniquely positioned to reach a breaking point.

Arlo Sinclair – Antagonist

What draws us to this character: He’s charismatic and charming

Traits: Confident, driven, willing to take big risks

Subtext: Hides his true intentions. Uses his big smile to cover his anger

Flaw: He only uses people, never builds relationships

Values: Himself, money, manipulating people

Irony: He puts on a friendly face, but inside he is always scheming

What makes this the right character for this role? He’s out for revenge. Against the bank, against his son, against the sheriff, against the whole town.

Make any improvements you think of to your Part 1 profile and bring the two parts together

Completed in a Word document, but for some reason I can’t copy and paste from Word to this forum.

[David Harper]

David Harper’s character profiles part 1

What I learned doing this assignment is that I don’t have to have the whole character defined today. I just need enough to get started on the process of discovery.

Type of role your Protagonist will play: Danny is a victim. He’s a victim of his turbulent childhood as the son of a convicted criminal and an alcoholic mother. He’s a victim of his own timidity. He lets people manipulate him, hoping to be accepted, but is always on the outside looking in. He’s desperate for his father’s approval, which makes it even easier for his father to manipulate him once he’s out of prison.

Type of role your Antagonist will play: Arlo is a predator. He’s hell bent on robbing the local bank, and will do anything he has to do to make it happen.

4. What other characters might be necessary?

A couple of other ex-cons, Rooster and Patch, to whom Arlo owes a truckload of money

A local sheriff, who will be a thorn in Arlo’s side and a potential ally for Danny

A love interest for Danny, to help inspire him to step up to a better life

Pick your genre: Drama

Protagonist description:

Danny Sinclair is a 22-year-old kid who has enough emotional baggage to check at an airport. The son of a convicted criminal, his childhood was tumultuous and unstable. Since then, he’s never been able to find his way.

Internal Journey: From a mousy kid who lacks the conviction of his dreams to a confident man who stands up for himself and others.

External Journey: From being the victim of a dysfunctional family to breaking that cycle by starting a family of his own.

Motivation: To gain his father’s love

Wound: Ashamed of who he is

Mission/Agenda: To make his father proud

Secret: He’s the one who got his father sent to prison

What makes them special? Despite everything, Danny has a good heart and deep down wants to do the right thing

Antagonist description:

Arlo Sinclair is a 45-year-old ex-con just out of prison. He makes a show of trying to start a fresh life free of crime, but he owes a lot of money to two other ex-cons and now that he’s out of the joint they’ve come to collect. So he’s going to rob a bank to get the cash, and he’ll drag Danny into it.

Internal Journey: No real change

External Journey: From ex-con just out of prison to dead

Motivation: To rob the local bank’s vault and safe deposit boxes

Wound: When he was a kid, his parents lost their home and pretty much everything else in the S&L crisis.

Secret: He actually has the money to pay those guys back, he just doesn’t want to share it.

What makes him special? He’s a master manipulator who will turn bloodthirsty monster when he has to.

[David Harper]

What I learned doing this assignment is: It’s easier to break this down into bits rather than trying to come up with something brilliant from the start.

Character: Danny Sinclair is a 22-year-old kid who has enough emotional baggage to check at an airport. The son of a convicted criminal, his childhood was tumultuous and unstable. Since then, he’s never been able to find his way.

Internal Journey: From a mousy kid who lacks the conviction of his dreams to a confident man who stands up for himself and others.

External Journey: From being the victim of a dysfunctional family to breaking that cycle by starting a family of his own.

Old Ways:

1. Timid, won’t stand up for himself

2. Afraid to tell the girl he loves how he feels

3. Desperate for his dad’s approval

4. Blames himself for his dad going to prison

New Ways:

1. Able to stand up to his father and anyone else who tries to manipulate or hurt others

2. Marries the girl he loves

3. Defines excellence for himself, doesn’t need his father’s approval

4. Accepts responsibility for his own life, not his father’s

[David Harper]

Hey there – I’m Dave.

I’ve written four features, and written and produced about a dozen short films and web series. I’m hoping to get a more repeatable process for taking an idea from concept to polished draft. As it is I seem to reinvent my process with each script. I’m hoping this will improve the speed and quality of my writing.

I don’t know if it’s unique or strange or unusual, but I’m a sailor and I skipper for a sailing school on the west coast.

Late to the class, so I’ll be behind you guys …

[David Harper]

Yep. Witness Protection Program, or WPP. But commonly known as WITSEC, short for Witness Security.