[David Moe]

Under Paris, Sci-Fi/Horror Thriller

Conventions – Unwitting biologist teams up with eco-terrorists/climate change activists to track a mutant shark that threatens Paris. This is thrilling because sharks, confined spaces and underwater conditions are rife with survival challenges — humans out their element.

Big Mystery – will they find the shark and kill it, before its spawn cause catastrophic damage in one of the world’s most beautiful cities?

Big Intrigue – It’s plausible to think that all the plastic in the ocean can cause mutations, as wildlife adapts to survive; add to this the selfish interests of short-sided politicians ignoring the real dangers of humans impact on their environment, makes it more desperate, sad and realistic.

Big Suspense – Will the heroes survive? Will Paris survive? Will the shark survive?

This was suspenseful and entertaining and better in the original French version vs. dubbed.

[David Moe]

What I learned – I have to relook at my characters and find the right opportunities to reshape some scenes.

[David Moe]

What I learned — The action sequence with almost no dialogue can make or break a great scene/ending. Too many words and it wouldn’t work; too few words and the direction needs to be flawless.

[David Moe]

Insights/breakthroughs – In Rudy, the dialogue is fittingly sparse, but I would love to see how much description of the action, as written in the screenplay, depicts how the scene is directed. The drama built by the cut-backs to the head coach speaks volumes. The cuts to the other players and coaches builds and extends the drama. The brief, but important, dialogue by the players on the field tells just enough to show what’s at stake. One of the best, feel-good endings in sports cinema.

[David Moe]

What I learned…

I can see other ways to draw in the audience to my main character, using the words in the script rather than the camera movement.

[David Moe]

What I learned…

I will rewrite some minor characters from the perspective that each follows an individual story arc. And I’ll see how it plays.

[David Moe]

What I learned – If demonstrating affection and attraction are the aim, I have to place my characters in different situations where where it could be interesting. Romance has never been something I’ve strived for, but if it’s there, empathy becomes possible. Food for thought.

[David Moe]

What I learned – I have to understand the power dynamics in each scene. I assume there is always is one. I have to look at what each character wants from the other and show it.

[David Moe]

Insights/Breakthroughs – Great power struggle on multiple levels – black/white, youth/age, leader-on-field vs. leader as coach. This is all about domination and control, and Gary B. loses big time. And Denzel delivers the words so perfectly, totally under control and in complete command. Huge drama build up to see how it all plays out, within the complicated team dynamics. Can the coach bring them together as a team? Will they all be able to get their differences and come together, or will they self-destruct?

[David Moe]

Insights/breakthroughs – I love mismatched allies! The contrast couldn’t be greater here. It’s fun to see the differences here and there is irony built in. The racial contrasts and the time period add depth to the Felix Unger and Oscar Madison types.

[David Moe]

What I learned: Invest in each character, regardless of how minor the role.

[David Moe]

Insights/breakthroughs – So well cast, it’s hard to imagine another Ringo of Doc Holiday. These worthy opponents seem to share equal parts disdain and appreciation for each other. They’re both aware of each others’ reputations and during their dialogue, more is revealed about each other. Ringo is educated, and so is Holiday. Holiday loathes Ringo because he sees himself in the man and this explain his self-loathing behavior. Holiday’s apathy and sarcasm make the scene. Ringo’s gunplay is matched by Holiday’s cup-play. It makes the scene suspenseful, menacing and irreverent. This is one of those movies that I could watch over and over and see something new every time. Their traits are similar, but their motives are so different. Both reckless, but in different ways. Both confident – but one with hubris, and the other with a death wish. Great characters. Great cast.

[David Moe]

What I learned: I have to create more scenes to establish the connection with my main character and her work husband. I’ll give them more opportunities to engage and demonstrate their close relationship.

[David Moe]

Insights/breakthroughs – Belonging together and living into their future doesn’t require proximity. The audience can see the connection happening, although they are both unaware of each other’s presence, and miles apart. IMO this is genius-level writing. All the relationships – Dr. Marcia/Tom, Tom/Son, Tom/Son/Dr. Marcia, Meg/Tom, Tom/Wife – intertwined. This really gets at a fundamental human need. People need people. At this point in the movie, it’s only planting the seeds of the drama to unfold, but the direction is clear. It’s obvious that they were meant to be together. I can’t discern yet what Meg Ryan’s character needs, but in a short scene, many of the Tom Hanks character’s needs are clear. Brilliant.

[David Moe]

Wow, I had to take a beat and go back several times to this scene. What learned is that there can be several character wounds, and it could take some emotional escalation to get to them in a scene. It’s really critical to go back and rework my characters to create scenes where the wounds can be exposed, not just through the dialogue. In Good Will Hunting, Will’s fear of abandonment is so strong and his wound is so deep that he is willing to pass on his relationship to avoid the risk of being hurt again. Really good writing.

[David Moe]

Insights/breakthroughs – I am one of the few people out there who has never seen the show LOST, but the whole notion of everyone having a secret is very intriguing. The drama is demonstrated in each scene through the character behaviors as well as the dialogue, and the secrets take their time to come out, and leave the audience with more questions — aka intrigue. The set-up playing the ‘I never’ game was really well done. Using the inane questions to get them warmed up, until one hits a nerve and leads to the big question, without ever revealing any details, the gestures say it all. No explanation asked for or offered. I love that. Keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

I will experiment with pacing since the big difference between a feature film and a TV series is the time the writer has to deliver the information. Pacing and setting up secrets are my key insights.

[David Moe]

What I learned is that I really need to focus on each scene.

[David Moe]

Insights/breakthroughs – the word that comes to mind after watching this clip several times is Mystery. There is something mysterious, not coincidental, about the introduction. There is a mythical tone that is established early and one gets the feeling that this tale is indeed a legend How Bagger emerges from the darkness with a plausible quip that introduces him as a savvy character. He arrives at just the right time to help Matt Damon’s character. He has the right amount of credibility to gain trust, and when he comments about the last time he saw a shot like that was in 1916, there is an implied history, like they are destined or have a bond or connection — more mystery. The breakthrough for me is to ensure a memorable entrance, consistent with the overall theme. Here, it’s a legendary entrance where Bagger Vance emerges from the ether, like a fallen angel on a mission to save a specific soul. More nuanced than a bolt of lightening and entirely plausible, which fits the tone of the story. They somehow need each other, although it’s not clear yet if Bagger’s need is just from guaranteed employment or something more. All this helps maintain the mystery and ‘legendary’ tone of the story.

[David Moe]

What I learned is that sometimes silence can imply a question without it being asked.

[David Moe]

Insights/breakthroughs – the aftermath of their escape provided a quiet moment to get out most of the back/future story of Kyle, Sarah and John Connor. Kyle’s traits are bravery, admiration (hero worship) and loyalty. He risks his life to go back to future to meet his idol and deliver the message from her son that basically assures that she will follow the plan – she’ll get pregnant, have a son, train him, and he will be the last best hope for the future of humanity in the coming war. Sarah’s vision for herself is the opposite of what she’s told (e.g., she can’t even balance her checkbook, let alone lead a resistance) and this plants all the seeds needed to sustain her motivation. She innately is able to apply a field dressing without any help. Her first one, and it’s perfect. Kyle’s words to her about her son are terse, but precisely what she needs to hear, and she has the same traits she will need to survive – “trust” and “a strength” She trusts Kyle Reece and she is strong enough to stomach applying a field dressing and never look back at who the past Sarah Connor is/was. The set up was very convenient – quiet cave and safe area to layout the entire story. I might’ve tried to initiate this differently, but this is an action movie, not a mystery, so it works well enough. It’s not every day where you can say, “just talk” and the whole premise unfolds in about two minutes. Things like, ‘tell me about the father’ and ‘he has your eyes’ plant the seed for their pending romance are obvious, but not too obvious. This one scene throws a ton of intrigue into the mix, keeping the audience on their toes, looking to spot her transformation and seeing how the known future unfolds.

[David Moe]

I learned in one scene, the writer(s) can show a ton of complexity in a character, but also a clear example of the group dynamics with only one person leading with dialogue.

[David Moe]

Will comes across as smart (obviously) but more importantly, proud and protective. He tries to mask his obvious interest in Skylar as he timidly looks back to her while verbally assailing the Harvard grad student. He tries not to seem too impressed with himself, almost with an ‘aw shucks’ attitude, and humbly demonstrates fearlessness, as he quietly whispers a threat to ‘take it outside’ if needed. He’s tough and willing to mix it up, if needed. He comes across a protector of his friends, without showing too much disdain for all the college students; he reserves his bile only for the snotty douchebag. And he admits that he might well be the one serving him fries at the drive-in, but he’s okay with that. He is self-confident here. Something that I didn’t see at first is that he shows up like a leader as his boys mobilize behind him when he serves a cold dish of vitriol in the most unassuming way. At first, you think that Chuckie is the alpha dog, but it might actually be Will, as he steps in, without a prompt to confront the intellectual bully. The primary trait that I see is his pride — for himself and his posse.

[David Moe]

Hi folks! My name is David Moe and I have written only one script. I’ve received development notes on it that were positive, but I know I will need to kick it up a notch to get it ‘from’ good to great’. I’m exploring developing it as a novel to give me a chance to really get my mind around the story and the characters. My plan is to create really interesting and compelling characters and develop a recurring series. I’m taking this class to help me get inside the minds of my characters and make them more memorable, interesting and compelling. Something special about me, at the moment, is that I recently had cataract surgery on my eyes and after wearing glasses from most of my life, I no longer need them for distance. However, I still need reading glasses so I am stuck writing and reading everything from arms length for the next month or so until I can get my new prescription. Just one more thing to make the course challenging for me. The good news is that the world now appears more vivid than ever. I’m happy to join you all!

[David Moe]

David Moe

I agree to the terms of this release form.

[David Moe]

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A. David Moe (He/Him)

B. I’ve written one script

C. I’m trying to be a full-time writer and get out of my corporate job.

D. I hope to get practical actions to take that will get me closer to realizing my vision of a career as screenwriter

[David Moe]

David Moe – I agree to the terms of this release form.

[David Moe]

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.