[Dawn Greenfield]

Dawn Greenfield’s Solved Scene Problems! – Lesson 27

I am in the process of going through the entire script and adding scenes and dialog. I will make corrections as I go along.

[Dawn Greenfield]

Dawn Greenfield’s Chronological Edit – Lesson 28

I am still adding scenes, cleaning up descriptions, and listening to my dialogue and making changes.

What I learned doing this assignment is to keep plodding forward. Listen to the script as it is read back to me to identify changes.

[Dawn Greenfield]

Dawn Greenfield’s Solved Character Problems! Lesson 26

None of my characters were weak.

[Dawn Greenfield]

Dawn Greenfield’s Solved Structural Problems – Lesson 25

What I learned doing this assignment is have to fill in a lot of blanks.

Added Jack’s “need to find work” after he leaves the mob business behind. He doesn’t know what to do.

Jain shows him the way.

[Dawn Greenfield]

Dawn Greenfield’s Filled In Missing Scenes – Lesson 24

What I learned doing this assignment is there are a lot of holes in the script.

1. Do a quick read of your script to pinpoint possible missing scenes. When you discover one, put a placeholder that you can return to.

2. For each missing scene, create a quick outline.

Add the assignment scene from Big Nose Sam.

Extend the next scene outside the bar where the cops take Elsie from the car.

Moved Jack’s “I don’t know what to do” scene to the New Plan area.

3. Write a high speed first draft for the most important of those scenes.

EXT. BAR IN BAD NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT

Jack parks the car. Elsie is asleep on the passenger seat. He quietly exits the car, locks the door manually so she won’t wake up from the beep. Jack goes into the bar.

LATER

A woman stands beside Jack’s car on her phone. Elsie screams from the front seat.

Cops arrive. They get the door opened and take Elsie into custody.

LATER

Jack returns to his car to find Elsie gone. He totally freaks out.

Bar patrons tell him the cops took the kid.

[Dawn Greenfield]

Dawn Greenfield’s Act 4 Resolution – Lesson 23

1. Outline Key Scene 4.

Jack’s win in court concludes with a celebration in his apartment.

2. Write Key Scene 4: Resolution – Wrap it up and show us the “new normal.”

INT. JACK’S APARTMENT – DAY

A celebration in Jack’s spotless apartment.

He has a solid relationship with Jain.

Elsie’s future with her Uncle Jack is secure.

[Dawn Greenfield]

Dawn Greenfield’s Act 4 Climax – Lesson 22

What I learned doing this assignment is keeping the structure tight.

1. Outline Key Scene 3.

Jack’s day in court arrives. He’s nervous, angry and filled with fear of losing Elsie.

2. Write Key Scene 3: Climax – The Ultimate Expression of The Conflict.

INT. COURT – DAY

ADD DIALOGUE

Jack stands up to the social worker and speaks his mind in court.

Jain holds Elsie. Jack’s new boss is there to lend support. Big Nose Sam and wife are there.

Jack wins in court.

[Dawn Greenfield]

Dawn Greenfield’s Act 4 First Scenes – Lesson 21

What I learned doing this assignment is I had to rearrange some things to make the structure work.

1. Outline Key Scene 1 and 2.

Scene 1 – Jack considers himself a huge failure after getting fired. Jain guides Jack along the way. Helps him discover his strengths and weaknesses.

INT. JACK’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Jack considers himself a huge failure. ADD DIALOGUE

Jain guides him along the way. Helps him discover his strengths and weaknesses for a new life.

ADD DIALOGUE

Scene 2 – Jack gets a lead on a job at a collection agency.

INT. STATE EMPLOYMENT OFFICE – DAY

Searching for work. Gets a lead on a job at a collection agency.

ADD DIALOGUE

INT. COLLECTION AGENCY – DAY

Jack aces the interview. His boss sees how Jack’s background could come in handy.

[Dawn Greenfield]

Dawn Greenfield’s Completed Act 3 — Lesson 20

Jack gets a job with a collection agency. They love his background

INT. STATE EMPLOYMENT OFFICE – DAY

Searching for work. Gets a lead on a job at a collection agency.

ADD DIALOGUE

INT. COLLECTION AGENCY – DAY

Jack aces the interview. His boss sees how Jack’s background could come in handy.

ADD DIALOGUE

[Dawn Greenfield]

Dawn Greenfield’s Act 3 Turning Point – Lesson 19

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[Dawn Greenfield]

Dawn Greenfield’s Act 3 Middle Scenes Lesson 18

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[Dawn Greenfield]

Dawn Greenfield’s Act 3 Reaction to Midpoint – Lesson 17

Using your Beat Sheet, outline your Act 3 Key Scenes.

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[Dawn Greenfield]

Dawn Greenfield Has Completed Act 2 Draft 1 – Lesson 16

I am finished with Act 2. YAY!

[Dawn Greenfield]

Dawn Greenfield’s Act 2 TP – Midpoint – Lesson 15

1. The Midpoint outline and scene

· Jack doesn’t think he can do the work for Big Nose Sam anymore.

· Doesn’t know what to do.

· Has to find work.

INT. BIG NOSE SAM’S MEETING ROOM – NIGHT

Jack is in a meeting with Big Nose Sam, who has an assignment for him.

BIG NOSE SAM

Okay, let’s get down to business. I need you to

snuff out these people.

Big Nose Sam shows Jack a picture of a guy with his family.

INSERT PICTURE

Jack stares at the photo. He shakes his head. Jack doesn’t think he can do the work for Big Nose Sam anymore.

JACK

Boss, I can’t kill someone who has kids or pets.

BIG NOSE SAM

What the hell, Jack? You going to work for me,

or what?

JACK

I guess it will have to be the “or what,” Sam.

BIG NOSE SAM

Listen, Jack. You’ve been my right-hand man

for the past five years. What happened to

‘Crack shot’ Jack?

JACK

Elsie’s changed everything for me. I can’t do this

work anymore.

Big Nose Sam opens the door.

BIG NOSE SAM

Gina, bring the kid. Jack’s leaving.

Jack and Elsie leave.

[Dawn Greenfield]

Dawn Greenfield’s Act 2 Middle Scenes – Lesson 14

What I learned – more scenes to be rearranged to fit the act structure.

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[Dawn Greenfield]

Dawn Greenfield’s Act 2 Reaction to TP 1 – Lesson 13 (sorry about the formatting)

What I learned doing this assignment is I had to rearrange some scenes to fall into place correctly.

Using your Beat Sheet, outline Key Scene 1.

Reaction to the turning point

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[Dawn Greenfield]

Dawn Greenfield’s Finished Act 1 ~ Lesson 12

The formatting is not great because this is in Word instead of MMSW.

FADE IN:

INT: BIG NOSE SAMS MEETING ROOM IN THE BAR – NIGHT

“Crack-Shot” JACK GUNTHER, mid 30s, tats, muscle-bound, good looking in a rugged way with brown hair and stubble, loads bullets in his Ruger GP 100 handgun.

BIG NOSE SAM, 50s, smokes a cigar. Sam looks every inch of a mobster from his rigid expression to his scars.

BIG NOSE SAM

Jack, things are heating up with Ben Goodman.

He’s not paying his loans on time and I think

he needs a reminder.

JACK

I’ll pay Ben a visit and give him a recap about his

lifespan limitations in regards to the money he

borrowed.

EXT. BACK ALLEY – NIGHT

Jack beats up BEN GOODMAN.

INT: BIG NOSE SAMS MEETING ROOM IN THE BAR – NIGHT

Jack, Sam, and OTHERS booze it up.

INT: JACK’S APARTMENT – DAY

Jack is passed out cold in his pigsty apartment. The front door is plated with thick steel which is rippled with indents.

A polite knock on the door changes to pounding.

Jack wakes, grabs his Ruger and fires at the front door.

O.S. Screams and wails of a baby and a woman.

INT. CONTINUOUS – DAY

Jack gets up, grabs a pair of lounging pants and steps into them. He staggers to the door, yanks it open, gun pointed at the potential intruder.

INT./EXT. JACK’S APARTMENT – DAY

A WOMAN stands outside holding ELSIE, a 6-MONTH-OLD BABY.

WOMAN

Mr. Gunther?

The Woman is scared out of her mind with the gun pointed at her.

JACK

Who wants to know?

Jack stares down the woman clutching the baby.

WOMAN

Your sister was killed in an automobile accident.

You’re the executor of her estate, which includes Elsie

here.

The woman shoves the baby at Jack, kicks the diaper bag across the threshold and runs to a waiting car.

WOMAN

All the paperwork is in the bag.

The car screeches away.

Jack hollers at the woman’s back.

JACK

Hey, get back here! I don’t do kids!

INT. JACK’S APARTMENT – DAY

Jack, holding Elsie precariously, enters the apartment. He sets the baby on the floor and goes to the kitchen and opens the refrigerator.

JACK

You hungry? I’m going to cook eggs.

Elsie cries turns into screams.

Jack doesn’t know what’s wrong.

JACK

If you don’t want eggs, I can make something else.

(He cusses under his breath)

Jack grabs the diaper bag and explores the contents: diapers, bottles, clothes, toys, paperwork. He sets the paperwork aside.

Elsie shoves something into her mouth. She chokes.

JACK

Damn! What’d you pick up?

Jack grabs her by one of her legs, holding her upside down and whacks her on the back. She spits out some trash.

JACK

You can’t eat trash!

Jack figures babies are like puppies and shove things in their mouths indiscriminately. He looks around at his mess, dismayed.

He moves everything off the floor to whatever surface is available.

Elsie screams – she’s hungry. Jack doesn’t have a clue what to do.

Jack plunks Elsie on a kitchen chair. He discovers she can’t sit in a chair safely and she’s too low in the chair for the table. He grabs a couple of books and ties her to the chair with electric cord.

JACK

How about some cereal? All kids like cereal.

Jack fixes a bowl of cereal and gives it to Elsie. She whacks the cereal all over the place in the bowl. She thinks it’s a riot.

He grabs one of the baby bottles, studies it, then unties Elsie and lays her on the sofa and gives her the bottle. That’s all it took for peace and quiet.

INT. JACK’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

TWO WEEKS LATER

Jack’s phone dings a text. He has to go to a meeting with Big Nose Sam.

EXT. JACK’S CAR – NIGHT

Jack secures Elsie in the passenger seat with the seat belt. He drives over to the bar.

INT: BIG NOSE SAMS MEETING ROOM IN THE BAR – NIGHT

Jack carries Elsie into the meeting room.

Big Nose Sam does a doubletake. Jack’s had little sleep, looks like he’s ready to keel over.

BIG NOSE SAM

What the hell is this? Whose baby is this?

JACK

Language!

Big Nose Sam balks.

BIG NOSE SAM

Language? What’s going on, Jack?

JACK

My sister was killed in a car wreck. I’m Elsie’s

guardian, so she’s with me from now on.

Big Nose Sam opens a door.

BIG NOSE SAM

Gina! Come in here!

Big Nose Sam’s wife enters the room.

GINA

Oh, who is this precious little girl.

JACK

Hey, Gina. This is Elsie, my niece.

GINA

We’ll be in the other room.

Gina takes Elsie and goes into the other room.

BIG NOSE SAM

Okay, let’s get down to business. I need you to

snuff out these people.

Big Nose Sam shows Jack a picture of a guy with his family.

INSERT PICTURE

Jack stares at the photo. He shakes his head.

JACK

Boss, I can’t kill someone who has kids or pets.

BIG NOSE SAM

What the hell, Jack? You going to work for me,

or what?

JACK

I guess it will have to be the “or what,” Sam.

BIG NOSE SAM

Listen, Jack. You’ve been my right-hand man

for the past five years. What happened to

‘Crack shot’ Jack?

JACK

Elsie’s changed everything for me. I can’t do this

work anymore.

Big Nose Sam opens the door.

BIG NOSE SAM

Gina, bring the kid. Jack’s leaving.

Jack and Elsie leave.

INT. JACK’S APARTMENT – DAY

Jack has Elsie sitting on the stack of books, tied to the chair.

JACK

Kid, I don’t know what to do. I’ve got to find

some kind of work, otherwise we’re going to

run out of money and starve.

He pulls out his phone to search for day care.

JACK

Are these people crazy? Who can afford to have

their kid in a day care? Come on, we’re going

shopping.

INT. DEPARTMENT STORE – DAY

Jack buys a baby backpack. He sits Elsie on the end of the checkout counter while he studies the backpack.

A WOMAN takes pity on him.

WOMAN

Here, let me show you how this works.

She shows him how to slip into the backpack, then how to settle Elsie into the place, facing out.

JACK

Thanks. Would have taken me a while

to figure this out.

INT. JACK’S APARTMENT – DAY

Jack pours through a newspaper’s employment ads. Some things circled. Some things X’d out.

INT. OFFICE BUILDING – NIGHT

Jack goes from office to office, emptying trash cans into a big rolling bin. Elsie is in the backpack, sleeping.

The new BOSS approaches.

BOSS

What’s this? You can’t have a kid here.

JACK

She’s no problem. See, she’s asleep.

Elsie wakes and screams.

BOSS

You’re fired.

INT. JACK’S APARTMENT – DAY

ONE MONTH LATER

Jack is stretched out on the sofa in a pair of lounging pants and tank top, mouth open, snoozing.

Elsie sits on the kitchen floor with a pan and a wooden spoon, banging away.

Pounding on the front door startles Jack awake. His hand goes to the end table, but his gun isn’t there. He gets up and goes to the front door and yanks it open.

A stern-faced WOMAN (Mrs. Fernholder) stands on the stoop. She glares at Jack.

JACK

Who the fuck are you and what the fuck do you want?

The woman thrusts a badge in his face.

WOMAN

Melinda Fernholder with Child Protective Services.

Jack Gunther, I presume? You’d best learn new

Language skills because your nasty words are

falling on an impressionable child’s ears.

Mrs. Fernholder pushes her way into the apartment. She takes one look at the place – the floor is cleared, but every available surface is cluttered with trash. The sink is filled with filthy dishes which carry over to the counter and table.

MRS. FERNHOLDER

You actually live in this pig sty? This is no environment

for a child, Mr. Gunther.

Mrs. Fernhold inspects the entire apartment, room by room.

MRS. FERNHOLDER

Where is the baby furniture, Mr. Gunther?

Jack gawks at the social worker.

JACK

Baby furniture?

MRS. FERNHOLDER

You know, a highchair, playpen, crib, and changing

table? Those are considered standard baby furniture.

Baby swings are pretty standard these days as well.

Do you have a car seat?

JACK

Uh…

MRS. FERNHOLDER

I take that to be a “no”.

Mrs. Fernholder sees the gun and booze on the bedside table. She returns to the living room by the front door, with Jack on her heels. She whips out a form and fills it in. She rips off the pink copy and slams it to Jack’s chest.

MRS. FERNHOLDER

Against my better judgment, I will hold off

reporting you to the police for the gun violation.

You have 10-days to get the place in order, get the

baby necessities, get the gun secured, or the

state will step in and take Elsie.

Mrs. Fernholder opens the door and leaves.

Jack slams the door after her. The walls shake, a picture falls.

[Dawn Greenfield]

Dawn Greenfield’s Lesson 11 – Act 1 Turning Point

Sorry for the bad formatting. I’m using Word instead of my Movie Magic Screenwriter.

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[Dawn Greenfield]

Dawn Greenfield’s Reaction to the Inciting Incident ~ Lesson 10

What I learned doing this assignment is to build out scenes.

INT: JACK’S APARTMENT – DAY

Jack is passed out cold in his pigsty apartment. The front door is plated with thick steel which is rippled with indents.

A polite knock on the door changes to pounding.

Jack wakes, grabs his Ruger and fires at the front door.

O.S. Screams and wails of a baby and a woman.

INT. CONTINUOUS – DAY

Jack gets up, grabs a pair of lounging pants and steps into them. He staggers to the door, yanks it open, gun pointed at the potential intruder.

INT./EXT. JACK’S APARTMENT – DAY

INCITING INCIDENT:

A WOMAN stands outside holding ELSIE, a 6-MONTH-OLD BABY.

She delivers the bad news to Jack: his sister died. He’s in charge of his niece.

The woman shoves the baby at Jack, kicks the diaper bag across the threshold and exits in a car.

INT. JACK’S APARTMENT – DAY

Trash and garbage litter every surface and the floor. Jack discovers babies shove things in their mouths. Everything is moved off the floor to surfaces/tables/counters.

Jack explores contents of the bag: diapers, bottles, clothes, toys, paperwork. He sets paperwork aside.

Elsie screams – she’s hungry. Jack doesn’t have a clue what to do.

He discovers Elsie can’t sit in a chair safely. Elsie sits on a couple of books and is tied to the chair with electric cord.

Jack fixes a bowl of cereal and gives it to Elsie. She whacks it all over the place.

[Dawn Greenfield]

Dawn Greenfield’s Act 1: Opening Scenes ~ Lesson 9

What I learned doing this assignment is to build scenes with lead characters.

Introducing Jack (lead character)

INT: BIG NOSE SAMS MEETING ROOM – NIGHT

“Crack-Shot” JACK GUNTHER, mid 30s, tats, muscle-bound, good looking in a rugged way with brown hair and stubble, loads bullets in his Ruger GP 100 handgun.

BIG NOSE SAM, 50s, smokes a cigar. Sam looks every inch of a mobster from his rigid expression to his scars.

Introducing Jain (becomes Jack’s love interest)

INT. SECOND HAND STORE – DAY

Jack wanders around looking things over in a clueless way.

JAIN SMYTH, an attractive blonde (30s) gives Jack the once-over with interest and asks if he needs help finding something.

Jack sort of has a meltdown in between foul language as he curses the case worker, tells Jain about his sister dying and what he needs immediately.

Jain leads him over to the baby section where she helps him choose the right things, including a car seat. Jain suggests he have these things delivered. Jack agrees.

Introducing Mrs. Fernhold (antagonist)

INT. COURTROOM – DAY

The JUDGE is not impressed with Jack. He assigns MRS. FERNHOLD, 60s, a social worker, to Jack/Elsie’s case.

Mrs. Fernhold’s rigid, judgmental expression with slitted eyes could stop a dog from barking. She is not happy that the court awarded Jack temporary custody of Elsie.

[Dawn Greenfield]

Dawn Greenfield’s Beat Sheet Draft 2

What I learned doing this assignment is my antagonist needs more scenes that I have not worked out yet. The whole situation is a challenge for Jack.

All these scenes are placeholders.

INT: BIG NOSE SAMS MEETING ROOM – NIGHT

Big Nose Sam assigns Jack to work over Tony Maloney for a discretion.

EXT. ALLEY – NIGHT

Jack beats Tony Maloney to within an inch of his life.

INT: JACK’S APARTMENT – DAY

Jack is passed out cold in his pigsty apartment. The front door is plated with thick steel rippled with indents.

A polite knock on the door changes to pounding.

Jack wakes, grabs his Ruger GP 100 handgun and fires at the front door.

Screams and wails of a baby O.S.

INT. CONTINUOUS – DAY

Jack staggers to the door, yanks it open, gun pointed to potential intruder.

INT./EXT. JACK’S APARTMENT – DAY

INCITING INCIDENT: Woman stands outside holding 6-month-old baby. Delivers the bad news to Jack that his sister died. He’s in charge of his niece.

INT. JACK’S APARTMENT – DAY

Trash and garbage everywhere. Jack discovers babies shove things in their mouths. Everything is moved off the floor to surfaces/tables/counters.

Jack explores contents of the bag: diapers, bottles, clothes, toys, paperwork. He sets paperwork aside.

Elsie screams – she’s hungry. Jack doesn’t have a clue what to do.

Discovers Elsie can’t sit in a chair safely. Jack has Elsie sitting on a couple of books tied to a chair with electric cord.

Jack fixes a bowl of cereal and gives it to Elsie. She whacks it all over the place.

INT. CAR – NIGHT

Jack has Elsie buckled in the passenger seat. Tells her he has a meeting with the boss.

INT. BIG NOSE SAM’S MEETING ROOM – NIGHT

Jack enters with Elsie. Big Nose Sam wants to know WTF.

BNS opens door and calls out to his wife. She takes Elsie.

BNS wants to know how Jack is going to get things done with a kid in tow.

Jack is adamant he can keep working.

BNS gives Jack an assignment.

EXT. BAR IN BAD NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT

A woman stands beside Jack’s car on the phone. Elsie screams from the front seat.

Cops arrive. They get the door opened and take Elsie into custody.

LATER

Jack returns to his car to find Elsie gone. He totally freaks out.

Bar patrons tell him the cops took the kid.

INT. POLICE STATION – NIGHT

Jack enters the police station. They know exactly who he is. He asks about his niece. Discovers she’s with Child Protective Services.

INT. JACK’S APARTMENT – DAY

Jack paces while talking to CPS on the phone. He’s told he’ll have to go to court to get her back.

INT. COURTROOM – DAY

ANTAGONIST SHOWS UP

The judge is not impressed with Jack. He assigns Mrs. Fernhold, a social worker, to Jack/Elsie’s case.

Jack gets temporary custody. Is reunited with Elsie. A tender moment.

INT. JACK’S APARTMENT – DAY

ONE WEEK LATER

ANTAGONIST

Mrs. Fernhold shows up at Jack’s apartment. She pushes her way into the apartment when he answers the door.

Elsie sits on the kitchen floor with a pan and a wooden spoon, banging away.

Mrs. Fernholder inspects the apartment. She notices there is no baby furniture or the typical necessities associated with a baby: highchair, playpen, crib, changing table. Next, she sees the gun and booze on the bedside table. She goes off at Jack threatening to call the police.

She moves to the kitchen. The sink is filled with filthy dishes which carry over to the counter, table and all surfaces.

Mrs. Fernhold fills in a form. She hands the pink copy to Jack. He has 10-days to get the place in order, get the baby necessities, get the gun secured, or the state will step in and take Elsie.

Jack slams the door after Mrs. Fernholder leaves.

INT. STORE – DAY

Jack buys a baby backpack so he can easily take Elsie with him. He precariously straps Elsie into the baby carrier.

INT. SECOND HAND STORE – DAY

Jack wanders around looking things over.

Jain Smyth, an attractive woman approaches and asks if he needs help finding something.

Jack sort of has a meltdown in between foul language as he curses the case worker, tells Jain about his sister dying and what he needs immediately.

Jain leads him over to the baby section where she helps him choose the right things, including a car seat. Jain suggests he have these things delivered. Jack agrees.

EXT. JACK’S APARTMENT – DAY

A truck pulls up to Jack’s apartment – Jain in the driver’s seat. She knocks on the door to get his help to unload everything.

Jain suggests they set up the playpen so Elsie is safe while they get the rest of the furniture.

INT. JACK’S APARTMENT – DAY

Jain is dismayed when she sees the pigsty.

They get the rest of the furniture unloaded and set up.

Jain suggests Jack get a trash bag and throw away all the trash. She organizes the dirty dishes on the counter and takes everything out of the sink and stacks things. Jain scrubs the sink first, then stacks things in the sink with soapy water.

The place is now spotless. Jack hardly recognizes this as the place where he lives.

INT. BIG NOSE SAM’S MEETING ROOM – NIGHT

MIDPOINT TURNING POINT: Jack doesn’t think he can do the work for Big Nose Sam anymore. Doesn’t know what to do. Has to find work.

NEW PLAN is to leave the mob business behind.

INT. JACK’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Jack is half sloshed as he talks with Jain. He considers himself a huge failure.

Jain guides him along the way. Helps him discover his strengths and weaknesses for a new life.

INT. STATE EMPLOYMENT OFFICE – DAY

Jack talks with someone about finding work.

SERIES OF SHOTS: Interviews with various companies. All failures.

Finally, someone hires Jack.

INT. COLLECTION AGENCY – DAY

Jack aces the interview. His boss sees how Jack’s background could come in handy.

INT. COURT – DAY

Jack stands up to the social worker and speaks his mind in court.

Jain holds Elsie. Jack’s new boss is there to lend support. Big Nose Sam and wife are there.

Jack wins in court.

INT. JACK’S APARTMENT – DAY

A celebration in Jack’s spotless apartment.

He has a solid relationship with Jain.

Elsie’s future with her Uncle Jack is secure.

[Dawn Greenfield]

Dawn Greenfield’s High Speed Beat Sheet

I already write fast as a screenwriter and novelist. Nonfiction takes me a while longer. I can write a 60K word novel in 30 days, a script in 3-4 weeks.

What I learned doing this assignment is: I never understood a beat sheet. Now, I get it.

All these scenes are placeholders.

INT: BIG NOSE SAMS MEETING ROOM – NIGHT

Big Nose Sam assigns Jack to work over Tony Maloney for a discretion.

EXT. ALLEY – NIGHT

Jack beats Tony Maloney to within an inch of his life.

INT: JACK’S APARTMENT – DAY

Jack is passed out cold in his pigsty apartment. The front door is plated with thick steel rippled with indents.

A polite knock on the door changes to pounding.

Jack wakes, grabs his Ruger GP 100 handgun and fires at the front door.

Screams and wails of a baby O.S.

INT. CONTINUOUS – DAY

Jack staggers to the door, yanks it open, gun pointed to potential intruder.

INT./EXT. JACK’S APARTMENT – DAY

INCITING INCIDENT: Woman stands outside holding 6-month-old baby. Delivers the bad news to Jack that his sister died. He’s in charge of his niece.

INT. JACK’S APARTMENT – DAY

Trash and garbage everywhere. Jack discovers babies shove things in their mouths. Everything is moved off the floor to surfaces/tables/counters.

Jack explores contents of the bag: diapers, bottles, clothes, toys, paperwork. He sets paperwork aside.

Elsie screams – she’s hungry. Jack doesn’t have a clue what to do.

Discovers Elsie can’t sit in a chair safely. Jack has Elsie sitting on a couple of books tied to a chair with electric cord.

Jack fixes a bowl of cereal and gives it to Elsie. She whacks it all over the place.

INT. CAR – NIGHT

Jack has Elsie buckled in the passenger seat. Tells her he has a meeting with the boss.

INT. BIG NOSE SAM’S MEETING ROOM – NIGHT

Jack enters with Elsie. Big Nose Sam wants to know WTF.

BNS opens door and calls out to his wife. She takes Elsie.

BNS wants to know how Jack is going to get things done with a kid in tow.

Jack is adamant he can keep working.

BNS gives Jack an assignment.

EXT. BAR IN BAD NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT

A woman stands beside Jack’s car on the phone. Elsie screams from the front seat.

Cops arrive. They get the door opened and take Elsie into custody.

LATER

Jack returns to his car to find Elsie gone. He totally freaks out.

Bar patrons tell him the cops took the kid.

INT. POLICE STATION – NIGHT

Jack enters the police station. They know exactly who he is. He asks about his niece. Discovers she’s with Child Protective Services.

INT. JACK’S APARTMENT – DAY

Jack paces while talking to CPS on the phone. He’s told he’ll have to go to court to get her back.

INT. COURTROOM – DAY

The judge is not impressed with Jack. He assigns Mrs. Fernhold, a social worker, to Jack/Elsie’s case.

Jack gets temporary custody. Is reunited with Elsie. A tender moment.

INT. JACK’S APARTMENT – DAY

ONE WEEK LATER

Mrs. Fernhold shows up at Jack’s apartment. She pushes her way into the apartment when he answers the door.

Elsie sits on the kitchen floor with a pan and a wooden spoon, banging away.

Mrs. Fernholder inspects the apartment. She notices there is no baby furniture or the typical necessities associated with a baby: highchair, playpen, crib, changing table. Next, she sees the gun and booze on the bedside table. She goes off at Jack threatening to call the police.

She moves to the kitchen. The sink is filled with filthy dishes which carry over to the counter, table and all surfaces.

Mrs. Fernhold fills in a form. She hands the pink copy to Jack. He has 10-days to get the place in order, get the baby necessities, get the gun secured, or the state will step in and take Elsie.

Jack slams the door after Mrs. Fernholder leaves.

INT. STORE – DAY

Jack buys a baby backpack so he can easily take Elsie with him. He precariously straps Elsie into the baby carrier.

INT. SECOND HAND STORE – DAY

Jack wanders around looking things over.

Jain Smyth, an attractive woman approaches and asks if he needs help finding something.

Jack sort of has a meltdown in between foul language as he curses the case worker, tells Jain about his sister dying and what he needs immediately.

Jain leads him over to the baby section where she helps him choose the right things, including a car seat. Jain suggests he have these things delivered. Jack agrees.

EXT. JACK’S APARTMENT – DAY

A truck pulls up to Jack’s apartment – Jain in the driver’s seat. She knocks on the door to get his help to unload everything.

Jain suggests they set up the playpen so Elsie is safe while they get the rest of the furniture.

INT. JACK’S APARTMENT – DAY

Jain is dismayed when she sees the pigsty.

They get the rest of the furniture unloaded and set up.

Jain suggests Jack get a trash bag and throw away all the trash. She organizes the dirty dishes on the counter and takes everything out of the sink and stacks things. Jain scrubs the sink first, then stacks things in the sink with soapy water.

The place is now spotless. Jack hardly recognizes this as the place where he lives.

INT. BIG NOSE SAM’S MEETING ROOM – NIGHT

MIDPOINT TURNING POINT: Jack doesn’t think he can do the work for Big Nose Sam anymore. Doesn’t know what to do. Has to find work.

NEW PLAN is to leave the mob business behind.

INT. JACK’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Jack is half sloshed as he talks with Jain. He considers himself a huge failure.

Jain guides him along the way. Helps him discover his strengths and weaknesses for a new life.

INT. STATE EMPLOYMENT OFFICE – DAY

Jack talks with someone about finding work.

SERIES OF SHOTS: Interviews with various companies. All failures.

Finally, someone hires Jack.

INT. COLLECTION AGENCY – DAY

Jack aces the interview. His boss sees how Jack’s background could come in handy.

INT. COURT – DAY

Jack stands up to the social worker and speaks his mind in court.

Jain holds Elsie. Jack’s new boss is there to lend support. Big Nose Sam and wife are there.

Jack wins in court.

INT. JACK’S APARTMENT – DAY

A celebration in Jack’s spotless apartment.

He has a solid relationship with Jain.

Elsie’s future with her Uncle Jack is secure.

[Dawn Greenfield]

Dawn Greenfield’s Transformational Events ~ Lesson 6

What I learned doing this assignment is how to get from A to Z.

Make a list of 6 – 8 changes or steps that need to happen for that character to go from who they are in the beginning (Old Ways) to who they are in the ending (New Ways).

· Realizes he is responsible for more than just himself now.

· Accepts that he needs help to understand how to raise a child.

· Decides to leave the mob and find employment to support Elsie.

· Understands that he needs to clean up his act, his apartment, his life.

· Learns how to take care of his niece.

· Stands up to the social worker and speaks his mind in court.

· Has a solid relationship with Jain.

[Dawn Greenfield]

Dawn Greenfield’s 4 Act Transformational Structure – Lesson 5

What I learned doing this assignment is my head almost exploded trying to figure things out.

1. Give us the following:

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[Dawn Greenfield]

I had vertigo, then the SWU website was down, so this is late.

Dawn Greenfield’s Character Interviews Lesson 4

What I learned doing this assignment is

Protagonist Q & A

1. Tell me about yourself.

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2. It’s none of your business.
3. Why do you think you were called to this journey? Why you?

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4. It’s obvious my creator thinks I’m the one for the job. I get things done.
5. You are up against . What is it about them that makes this journey even more difficult for you?

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6. That sister of mine wasn’t in her right mind when she left me in charge of her kid.
7. In order to survive or accomplish this, you are going to have to step way outside of your box. What changes do you expect to make and which of them will be the most difficult?

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8. Changes? Why should I change? The kid will have to make changes.
9. What habits or ways of thinking do you think will be the most difficult to let go of?

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10. If you think I’m going to give up cussing, whisky and cigars, you’ve got another thing coming to you.
11. What fears, insecurities and wounds have held you back?

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12. I’m fearless. Nothing holds me back. Ask Big Nose Sam.
13. What skills, background or expertise makes you well-suited to face this conflict or antagonist?

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14. That social worker doesn’t know what she’s up against.
15. What are you hiding from the other characters? What don’t you want them to know?

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16. I’m an open book.
17. What do you think of ?

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18. ??
19. Tell me your side of this whole conflict / story.

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20. My sister got herself killed in a car crash. She stupidly thought I was the right person to raise her kid. Who knows who the father is. He was never in the picture. If I ever find out his name, he’s dust. Then there’s this angry social worker who thinks she backing me into a corner. I was lucky to meet Jain Smyth, who showed me what I need for Elsie to get that lunatic social worker off my case.
21. What does it do for your life is you succeed here?

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22. You’ve got a typo there. If you need an editor, my creator can step up to help you.
23. There’s no IF. I WILL succeed. No one beats me down.
24. Ask any other questions about their character profile that will help you.

Antagonist Q & A

1. Tell me about yourself.

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2. I’ve been a social worker for 30-years and have a standing record of placing children in the right homes. Sometimes I have to make tough decisions, as in the case of Jack Gunther and his niece Elsie.
3. Having to do with this journey, what are your strengths and weaknesses?

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4. Strengths: assessing the situation of each case.
5. Weakness: taking shortcuts. I’m just getting tired of the job and want to retire.
6. Why are you committed to making the Protagonist fail? Or for a relationship movie, why are you committed to making them change?

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7. Jack Gunther should not be in charge of a child. I fully intend to bring him before the judge and get that poor child out of his clutches.
8. What do you get out of winning this fight / succeeding in your plan / taking down your competition?

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9. After this case, I will put in for retirement.
10. What drives you toward your mission / agenda, even in the face of danger, ruin, or death?

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11. I know I’m right here. This mobster should not be in charge of that child and I will get her into a good home.
12. What secrets must you keep to succeed? What other secrets do you keep out of fear / insecurity?

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13. I may have fudged on some paperwork for the court.
14. Compared to other people like you, what makes you special?

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15. Absolutely nothing.
16. What do you think of ?

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17. ??
18. Tell me your side of this whole conflict / story.

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19. I received this case. Kathryn Gunther died in a car accident. Her infant daughter was taken into custody after the father could not be located. We finally found Kathryn’s brother, but I was appalled to discover he was an active mobster with a record longer than a roll of toilet paper. My supervisor stressed that he must be given a chance. When he fails, we can place the child within a proper home.

[Dawn Greenfield]

I’m not quite sure about combining the two lessons, so I just cut and pasted Lesson 2 to the bottom of Lesson 3.

Dawn Greenfield’s 30-Day Writing Class ~ Lesson 3 ~ Character Profile Part 2

What I learned doing this assignment is to go deep into my character to find out who he is and how the world sees him.

2. Fill in Part 2 of the character Profile for your two lead characters.

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[Dawn Greenfield]

30-Day Screenplay ~ Dawn Greenfield ~ Lesson 2 ~ Character Profiles Part 1

This was a good exercise to flesh out characters so they can step into their roles.

2. Pick the type of role your Protagonist will play and give us a few sentences on how they will fulfill that role.

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[Dawn Greenfield]

Cheryl,

I can’t upload Lesson 2 to the Forums. There’s no link beyond Lesson 1. I’ve emailed you and entered a service request, but no one has ever responded.

Mornings are when I do my lessons. I’d like to upload them when I finish. Could you possibly make the links available every day when the lessons are due?

Does anyone else have this problem? I don’t know what’s going on.

[Dawn Greenfield]

Dawn Greenfield’s Transformational Journey for Baby Boom Mobster (placeholder title) Lesson 1

What I learned from this assignment? Starting with the Working video, I tweaked my logline to try to fit all the elements into a concise statement.

Story logline:

‘Crack shot’ Jack, a mobster, finds his life turned upside down when he is unexpectedly entrusted with the care of his sister’s baby. As Jack grapples with the unfamiliar responsibilities of taking care of Elsie, a social worker’s ultimatum for him to clean up his act within ten days turns him on his head. Jack’s ties to the criminal underworld start to unravel, forcing him to confront the true meaning of loyalty and love.

2. Who is your Hero and what is their Character Arc that represents a transformation?

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[Dawn Greenfield]

Cheryl — or anyone —

Where do I upload my Lesson 1? I put in a service request hours ago and still no response.

I could not find any HELP button.

[Dawn Greenfield]

I, Dawn Greenfield, agree to the terms of this release form.

[Dawn Greenfield]

Hey there, I’m Dawn Greenfield, formerly Dawn Ireland.

I’m currently rebranding myself back to my family name (Greenfield) and giving Ireland the old heave ho after several decades.

Out of my 15 screenplays I only submit 6 or 7 to competitions. The rest need to be overhauled. One of my scripts (The Far Corner) has been a finalist in 9 competitions and a semifinalist in 7 competitions. It’s a psychological supernatural sci fi script.

Hmm, something strange about me? When I’m not writing (every day), I read 2-6 books a week.

I’m taking this class as a refresher for the structure of writing a script. Things I didn’t really learn decades ago from those old “experts” or things that have become faint.

[Dawn Greenfield]

Dawn Greenfield’s Marketing Plan

What I learned from this assignment: Make and follow a plan!

MARKETING PLAN

LinkedIn – keep searching for producers and add to my network.

IMDB – look up producer emails and send letters.

Update my Virtual Pitch Fest profile

Update my CoverFly, FilmFreeway, and Network ISA profiles

My letter to producers:

Subject line: About your next sci-fi project

Hi X,

I see that you produce science fiction movies. That is my specialty as a screenwriter.

I’m available to do writing assignments. If you need help to rewrite a screenplay, adapt a book, write a screenplay from your idea, or make adjustments to the script if your budget changes, let me help you with that.

I’d be happy to send you a writing sample so you know the quality of my work. My script The Far Corner has been a finalist in just under a dozen national and international script competitions.

Two of my scripts have been optioned, and I have worked with another producer on a writing assignment to write a script from his idea.

Let me know how I can help you.

[Dawn Greenfield]

Dawn Greenfield’s Plan for Increasing Perceived Value

Science Fiction

Four of my science fiction film and TV projects have won multiple awards. In addition to screenplays, I have written three science fiction novel series (11 books total), and 1 stand-alone sci-fi novel.

I currently have 171 producers in my LinkedIn Network, but I need to scrutinize them to make sure they are film or TV producers.

What I learned doing this assignment is there’s a lot more work to be done to increase my perceived value.

Increasing My Perceived Value:

A. Today: Doing my SCU homework and learning important things.

B. In the next 30 days:

a. Scrutinize my LI Network. Remove people that are not truly film producers from this list.

b. Add more producers to my list.

c. Tweak my writing sample; create another sample from another script.

C. In the next 6 months:

a. I hope to add more to my IMDB account. Here’s my current STARmeter stats:

· 2,349.311 Up 9,400,549 this week

· Last 12 months: 7,369,980

· This month: 6,370,691

I’m not really sure about the STARmeter stats and how that works. Also, editing anything on my IMDB profile is very confusing. I plan to figure that out within the next 6 months!

[Dawn Greenfield]

Lesson 10

Dawn Greenfield is a Note Taking Professional

Logline: Maud, a 60-year-old woman who works for The Agency was cursed to age rapidly. She teams up with a young man to rescue a dignitary from blackmailers and uncovers a government conspiracy.

[Dawn Greenfield]

Dawn Greenfield

Lesson 9 – Decreased Budget for The Far Corner

The Far Corner script is only 90 pages. I would present these suggestions to the producer to see what he would like to consider.

1. Cut Scene 8

2. Scene 12 – Cut out stunt for car crash in garage

3. Cut down Scene 15 by half

4. Eliminate Scene 22 in secured hospital room

5. Scene 28 and forward, combine the three lab people into one character

6. Shorten Scene 33 with Jenna’s parents by half, or eliminate the parents and a blind date. If the parents are eliminated, the cost of a luxuriously furnished condo is eliminated

7. Eliminate Scene 37, Ext. Core Security Building and just have Scene 38 inside Phills office

8. Alter Scene 41 (lab people)

9. Shorten Scene 43 in Dr. Seymour’s office/private hospital; eliminate last part with Jenna’s mother

10. Alter Scene 49 – the experiment with creatures and David – FX

11. Rework Scenes 50-51 where Jenna goes to the Lion Man’s world – FX

12. Cut down Scene 52 – FX

13. Delete Scene 54

14. Delete Scene 60

15. Change Scene 62 to have David show up where Jacob is in the clearing

16. Rework Scenes 63 and 64 like I did in the assignment to create the 10 pages

17. Delete Scene 70 in car

18. Delete Scene 71 in hallway

19. Delete Scene 73 parking lot

20. Cut down Scene 76 where a lot of FX takes place

This was an interesting assignment. It made me think of what was on the page and if it was really necessary.

[Dawn Greenfield]

Dawn Greenfield’s Rewrite of Tasha Espinoza’s Treatment

Title: The Villa of Evil by Tasha Espinoza

Genre: Horror

Logline: When Darren and Jill spend the night in a haunted mansion, they expect to see the ghost of the Lady in Red, but they discover a hoax perpetrated by a group of psychotic transients determined to keep the mansion all to themselves.

17^TH CENTURY – A frantic YOUNG MOTHER, in her early 30s, rushes down the grand staircase of a mansion, her TWO CHILDREN (8 and 10) in tow.

Her psychotic HUSBAND, 42, wields a hatchet, hot on their heels. She bravely faces him, urging her children to escape. They flee to the door, leaving their mother to confront him. He gains the upper hand, and blood spills as he hacks into her.

As her children reach the front door, they look back at the staircase and the last thing they see is their mother’s lifeless, bloody body.

Their father hurtles their mother’s body towards them.

CURRENT DAY – DARREN, 22, arrives late to a dinner party hosted by PAYNE MONTGOMERY, his wealthy 89-year-old grandfather. He’s surprised to find that the only other guest is CLIFTON, 23, his cousin and rival for Payne’s affection, whose<s> </s>father is comfortably well off.

Payne leads them on a tour of his palatial mansion decorated with the otherworldly artifacts from his travels. He is riddled with disappointment as he explains he has never experienced anything supernatural.

He tells them he is captivated by the tale of the 17th century Lady in Red. His team of investigators have been unsuccessful in discovering the whereabouts of the mansion where a young mother was hacked to death by her wealthy older husband. She’s rumored to haunt her husband’s mansion.

Payne offers his fortune to whoever provides proof that the Lady in Red is authentic. He thinks it’s a hoax. If either grandson fails, or tries to fake evidence, he will donate his fortune to charity.

With no leads, Darren approaches Clifton at his office, hoping to team up and share the inheritance. Clifton is already working with an internet-famous ghost hunting team to gather proof of the legend and the location of the mansion.

It shocked Darren to discover JILL, his ex, and a talented researcher, is on Clifton’s team.

Darren believes that Jill still has feelings for him and he puts on the charm to get info about the Lady in Red. Jill doesn’t cooperate. She storms away from her desk.

Darren logs into Jill’s computer, using his birthday as the password. He finds an address associated with the Lady in Red.

In the dead of night, Darren sneaks into the building from Jill’s files. He explores the place, which feels more like a mental hospital than a mansion. Doubt creeps in; is this really the right place? On the roof, he encounters a solitary homeless man. They exchange pleasantries, and then, chillingly, the old man asks Darren to peel off his face. A horror sequence follows.

Darren flees but the police arrest him as they were tipped off about a trespasser. He realizes Clifton set him up.

Jill feels guilty about her part in the set-up. She bails Darren out and offers to tell him the real location of the Lady in Red in exchange for a finder’s fee and bail reimbursement.

Darren agrees, but only if she will come with him to prove he can trust her. Against her better judgment, she reveals the location. Deep in the Appalachian mountains, the Villa di Cataldi awaits, abandoned and devoid of security.

In the eerie darkness of the Villa, Jill and Darren stand near the bottom of the grand staircase. A power outage plunges them into darkness.

A voice calls out to Darren. He realizes it isn’t Jill’s voice. He makes his way towards Jill’s hazy figure in the dark. Darren hears her scream. Panicked, he stumbles into the real Jill, bleeding from a deep arm gash. A thick, red mist curls into a hooded figure on the second-floor landing.

The shrieking hooded figure, now at the bottom of the staircase, confronts them as they try to flee. Jill charges the hooded figure and crashes through a screen. She stands up and a projection of the hooded figure plays on her body, turning her red. Darren says they messed up coming to the Villa. Jill faints from blood loss.

The foyer lights up as MENACING PEOPLE with candles approach them. One holds a bloody hatchet.

Darren hauls Jill into the kitchen and barricades the door. He bandages her arm, and she comes to. They discover advanced jamming equipment and realize their enemies live there and everything is a hoax.

Their only escape is a boarded-up back door. Darren pries boards from the door but discovers the back stairs are gone, leaving a dangerous drop. Jill urges Darren to go through first so he can catch her.

He is halfway through the hole, legs first, when the sinister group bursts in and seizes Jill. He grabs her arm. Despite his efforts to hold on to her, she slips from his grasp. The last thing he sees before he drops to the ground is the hatchet-wielding psycho killing Jill.

Darren flees through the mountains, the maniacs on his tail. A misstep sends him tumbling down a steep hill into the underbrush. The group searches for him until daylight, then returns to the villa. Darren regains consciousness in a narrow gully and escapes the mountains.

Back in his home, Darren discovers his grandfather has not changed his will.

He hatches a plan, then approaches Clifton. He tells him he saw “her,” but failed to get proof. Once again, he offers to share the fortune in exchange for revealing the location. Clifton smiles big as he agrees.

Darren smiles big, too. He tells Clifton their fortune is assured if he takes Papa Payne to the Villa di Cataldi to see the Lady in Red to realize his lifelong dreams.

[Dawn Greenfield]

Dawn Greenfield’s fabulous treatment

Maud by Dawn Greenfield

Genre: Sci-Fi / Action

3-Act Structure

Logline: Maud, a 60-year-old woman who works for The Agency was cursed to age rapidly. She teams up with a young man to rescue a dignitary from blackmailers and uncovers a government conspiracy.

Act 1

Opening: Maud, a 60-year-old drunken woman on the verge of obesity, is fighting in a bar and winning. She’s cursed by Calistrasha, a witch from another dimension, but she doesn’t know how to break the curse.

Inciting Incident: Maud gets a call from her boss at The Agency, who tells her that since she can’t break the spell, they’re retiring her. She’s furious and determined to prove herself and keep her job.

Act 1 Turning Point: Maud meets Toby, a 20-year-old man who wants to join The Agency.

He sees Maud fighting in a bar and joins her in the brawl. He wonders how someone her age can take care of herself so smoothly and is impressed by her skills. He asks her to train him, and she reluctantly agrees.

Act 2

Midpoint: Maud and Toby start working together on assignments for The Agency. They have to rescue an abducted wealthy man from some blackmailers. Maud is initially hesitant to trust Toby for the job.

Act 2 Turning Point: After a harrowing escape from trying to rescue the man from the blackmailers, Toby almost kisses Maud. He stops dead in his tracks and reassesses the situation. He is disgusted at his moment of unreasonable feelings. They succeed in the rescue and Maud comes to see Toby as a valuable partner.

Toby discovers that Maud has been cursed by Calistrasha. He thinks of fairy tale curses and kisses her, which breaks the curse. Maud is grateful to Toby for restoring her to her former beauty as a 28-yr-old, and they develop a trusting working relationship.

Act 3

Climax

Maud and Toby go through the portal to Trangaria, Calistrasha’s dimension and confront her. Calistrasha is a powerful witch with strong magic and curses, but Maud and Toby are able to defeat her by working together. However, Calistrasha escapes before they can capture her.

Resolution

Maud and Toby return to Earth, knowing that Calistrasha is still out there. They vow to continue working together to protect humanity from her.

[Dawn Greenfield]

My Interview experience — Many thanks to Tasha Espinoza! I was very nervous, but Tasha is very down to earth, so she made the experience memorable.

As the producer, it was fun talking with the writer and getting her thoughts on the project. I threw out some notes I had questions about on her project.

As the writer, I was a nervous wreck. Very greatful for the interview questions and how to conduct these interviews. With experience, I feel this will be a smooth process.

[Dawn Greenfield]

Dawn Greenfield’s synopsis for the producer interview

Title: Maud

Genre: Sci-fi

Synopsis:

Maud, a boozed-out, lumpy-bumpy woman in her late 60s wears a totally inappropriate tight leather outfit. She’s a belching loud mouth with a cigarette always dangling from her botoxed lips. She constantly picks fights in rough neighborhood bars. She kicks ass and takes names later.

Toby, late 20s, watches her moves and joins her in a big bar brawl. He wonders how someone her age can take care of herself so smoothly.

They team up and get into one scrape after another.

Maud tells Toby that the agency no longer wants her – they’ve put her out to pasture. He wants to know about the agency—will she vouch for him to get hired on? She is always evasive and won’t give him any information.

Maud gets wind of an assignment to rescue an abducted wealthy man from some blackmailers. She prepares to go. Toby wants to go with her. He ends up following her and she ends up keeping him with her so he won’t foul up her plans.

He really respects her – she can whip anyone’s ass and shoot a snowflake through the middle. There’s nothing she can’t do, but she’s showing her age and aching from head to toe.

They rescue the wealthy man. The agency swoops in and takes him away in a black SUV.

Toby is confused about how he feels about Maud. She’s a bloated whale, but he loves her.

After a harrowing escape from a tight situation, he almost kisses her. He stops dead in his tracks and reassesses the woman who scratches her crotch and belches with the best of the bar mates. He is disgusted at his moment of unreasonable feelings.

Another scrape with a bad bunch. Maud and Toby rescue a dignitary.

Toby grabs Maud and kisses her. She is transformed into a gorgeous, sexy woman his age. She thanks him for accepting her at face value. She explains that a witch cast a spell on her and she seeks revenge. But in order to get back at the witch, she would have to venture through a doorway into Trangaria. She isn’t certain she can get the doorway to work.

[Dawn Greenfield]

I have reworked my sample from Tasha’s suggestions. It’s much stronger and with title page it comes in as 11 pages.

The Far Corner

Writing Sample

by

Dawn Greenfield

EXT. CABIN IN THE WOODS – DAY

Native American chanting is heard.

JACOB TWO BIRDS (60s) stands in a clearing behind his cabin performing a ritual before a carved statue of The Great Spirit (Manitoh Kan).

JACOB

I give thanks to Manitoh for the water, the trees, the animals, the

stars and the moon. Jacob sprinkles kernels of corn on the ground.

DAVID DANIELS(35) arrives at the clearing carrying a small mailing tube. He watches quietly, respectfully.

Jacob completes the ritual.

JACOB

You need to practice stealth, my friend.

He turns and walks toward David. They clasp hands firmly.

DAVID

Jacob, how do you do that?

JACOB

I sensed your aura, but the mirror in the tree helped.

David scans the area and spots a round mirror on a tree.

JACOB

Your message sounded urgent.

DAVID

Can you tell me if you’ve ever seen anything like these?

David pulls Jenna’s drawings out of the mailing tube.

JACOB

I’ve made peace with myself, David. It has taken me almost 17 years, but I can finally start the day without a drink. No more hunting down monsters for the agency.

David unrolls the drawings and shows Jacob the picture of the chakras.

JACOB

This woman is not grounded.

DAVID

You guessed it. Wait till you see this.

David holds the explicit drawing of the creatures.

Jacob stares intently at the drawing as he takes it out of David’s hands. This man wars with personal demons.

Without a word, Jacob walks briskly back to the cabin.

David follows, silent.

INT. CABIN IN THE WOODS – DAY

This is no slouch cabin interior. It is decorated with Native American influence and South American Indian pieces.

Jacob sets the drawings on the table and stands over them.

JACOB

Where did these come from?

DAVID

A woman named Jenna Wilder drew them. VP of a prestigious insurance investigation firm, normal from the word go. All of a sudden she starts babbling about seeing creatures.

Jacob goes into the other room. He returns with a handful of paper that has yellowed around the edges. He lays a drawing on the table that’s almost identical to Jenna’s.

JACOB

1980.

He puts another drawing on the table.

JACOB

1984.

He lays the rest out on the table.

JACOB

’88, ’92, ’96.

DAVID

Where did you get these?

Jacob grabs a bound bunch of sage, lights it and walks around the room. He chants softly.

The room becomes thick with smoke. David coughs.

JACOB

Sorry. I had to do a quick cleansing so the creatures don’t over-stay their welcome.

DAVID

Are they here now?

David coughs again and waves the smoke out of the way.

Jacob runs his finger up a piece of David’s coat and displays a fresh stream of slime. He wipes his finger on a paper towel then opens more windows.

JACOB

No, but they’ll be back. They are attached to you because you are trying to solve their problem. You cannot solve their problem. No one can.

DAVID

I need to know about these drawings. You have been in contact with these creatures. Were women involved?

JACOB

I thought I saw the last of them in 1996. Then in 2006 I got a call from a guy named Rick Herrington who used to be with the agency. Some actress had been found crawling around in the bushes, talking crazy. Thought it was drugs, then she drew a picture.

David does some mental calculations.

DAVID

That has something to do with your sobriety…

JACOB

Yeah.

Jacob points to the 2006 drawing.

JACOB

Rick called me. I couldn’t. I just couldn’t get involved. But it was too late. The creatures were attached to me and wouldn’t let me be.

4

DAVID

What happened? I need to know what happened with each of these women.

Jacob points to the 1980 drawing.

JACOB

We lost her.

He points to the 1984 drawing.

JACOB

Saved her but she wasn’t mentally stable, so in a sense, we lost her.

He points to the 1988, then 1992 drawings.

JACOB

Saved her. Lost her.

DAVID

The actress?

JACOB

Saved her.

DAVID

The women you lost… what happened to them?

JACOB

In a sense, they went willingly. The Lion Men are powerful in every regard. Once they claim a mate, they will fight to the death for her.

DAVID

Why are they taking OUR women?

Jacob points to the drawings.

JACOB

All these other places are balanced. He points to Ashra’s corner.

JACOB

There is only one alpha Lion Man in each pride. They mate once every four years. If a child isn’t produced, the lion man kills his mate and gets another. If she produces a child, the child is an adult by ten years old. The child kills his parents and the cycle starts again.

5

DAVID

Buy why are they taking OUR women? What about their females?

JACOB

Evidently there’s not enough females. I suspect there’s something not right in the female of their species and human women are a close match.

DAVID

I saw the creatures, you know. Jenna did this thing where she connected me with the big interpreter creature, Ethew.

Jacob gets in David’s face.

JACOB

Never do that again, my friend. You may find that you cannot return wholly to who you were.

DAVID

The data I’m collecting through my own experiences can benefit the agency.

JACOB

It’s a job, David. Is your life worth the risk?

David points to Ashra’s face in the corner of the drawing.

DAVID

This is Ashra. He is gaining more and more control over Jenna.

JACOB

The Lion Man.

DAVID

Can you help Jenna?

Jacob closes his eyes. He fights his demons.

JACOB

It may be too late, but I can try.

David opens the door.

JACOB

Do not connect with Ethew unless I’m there, David. You don’t realize how dangerous those connections are.

6

DAVID

I’ll stay out of Neverland, I promise.

INT. DR. SEYMOUR’S OFFICE – DAY

JENNA WILDER (28) is in a tense session with DR. TIMOTHY SEYMOUR (40s).

JENNA

I don’t see why everyone is so caught up in the dynamics of my life. I want to be discharged from the hospital immediately.

DR. SEYMOUR

We don’t want any harm to come to you, Jenna.

JENNA

Harm? What are you talking about?

DR. SEYMOUR

Your fixation on these creatures is not healthy, and while you deny that anything is wrong, surely you must realize that you are deviating from the norm at this point.

Jenna jumps up from her chair in rage and goes around the desk and grabs Dr. Seymour’s face with both hands.

JENNA

I’ll show you the norm…

Dr. Seymour grabs her wrists but he cannot break her iron grip.

DR. SEYMOUR

Jenna, go back to your chair!

JENNA

Look into my eyes, Dr. Seymour. I want you to see what I see.

He struggles to free himself.

DR. SEYMOUR

Now, Jenna…

Dr. Seymour witnesses the checkerboard of creatures.

He sucks in a huge gasp as the overpowering chatter from the many horrific creatures floods into the quiet office. He suddenly stops his struggle with Jenna.

7

Jenna releases her grip.

The chatter abruptly stops.

Jenna calmly returns to the opposite side of the desk and sits demurely in her chair.

JENNA

Now, doctor…

Jenna leans back, folds her arms and crosses her legs.

JENNA

Who’s crazy?

Dr. Seymour, in shock, stares blankly, mouth slack.

INT. CABIN IN THE WOODS – DAY

Dozens of candles flicker in the waning light. Charcoal cones on small dishes burn in a circle around Jacob, as he sits in meditation.

A candle flickers and sizzles as a small blob of goo drops from thin air. Blotches of the secretion appear on the floor close to Jacob.

His face shows an inner struggle as he inwardly acknowledges unseen visitors.

Dark patches appear on his shirt sleeves and shoulders. His jaw tightens as he resists movement. His breath becomes labored. His eyes fly open.

JACOB

Yes! Yes, I will come!

He stands, grabs his knapsack from a coat hook and exits the cabin in a hurry.

One by one, the candles sizzle out as a single drop of gooey substance extinguishes each flame.

INT. DR. SEYMOUR’S OFFICE – DAY

GEORGINA (GEORGI) SAMS, 32, And Dr. Seymour study Jenna’s latest drawing.

GEORGI

I realize this is stretching the beliefs and boundaries of schizophrenia, but you are forgetting

that I am a trained doctor.

8

DR. SEYMOUR

It is preposterous to ask me to believe that we are dealing with a paranormal situation.

GEORGI

Even though you’ve just witnessed it with our own eyes?

DR. SEYMOUR

All the reports I have read on ghosts and poltergeists are nothing more than kinetic activity of an overactive imagination.

Georgi points to the drawing.

GEORGI

The situation we have observed has nothing to do with ghosts.

Georgi points to the drawing.

CLOSE-UP of the drawing that clearly shows Jenna in Ashra’s corner of the checkerboard. Jenna and Ashra face each other in rapture, about to kiss.

GEORGI

This drawing has an ominous tone and is a clear warning of what is to come if we don’t try unorthodox measures to prevent it.

DR. SEYMOUR

Are you suggesting that Jenna is going to be carried off in the middle of the night by this barbarian?

INT. SECURED HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY

Jenna rocks on the bed.

The door opens and Dr. Seymour, Georgi, David, and Jacob enter.

DAVID

Jenna, this is my friend…

Jacob removes his coat and hangs it over the end of the bed. A tomahawk and a long knife hang from his belt.

Jenna surfaces from her haze. She is curious about Jacob.

JENNA

Building forces against me?

9

DR. SEYMOUR

Jenna, no one would ever do anything to make you feel you were being forced into a situation you did not want.

JENNA

All you want is for me to stay drugged so I can’t make my own decisions.

Jacob walks to the bed and faces Jenna.

JACOB

That’s not exactly true. The Lion Man has stolen your free will. He is making all your decisions.

JENNA

No one makes decisions for me!

JACOB

Then why did you turn your free will over to a non-human? A creature.

Jenna is about to erupt in response, but Jacob pulls graphic photo’s that show mutilated bodies of women and their Lion Men mates out of his knapsack. He shoves a photo at Jenna.

Dr. Seymour and Georgi are shocked.

JACOB

The Lion Men mate once every four years. Unless you produce an offspring, your death will be grisly. And even if you do, when your cubchild is ten, he will kill you and your mate.

Jacob holds the drawings out in front of Jenna.

JACOB

That’s their way. Unless you break free, one way or the other, you go to a certain death.

JENNA

No! No, he would never do that to me. He loves me.

JACOB

Oh, there’s no doubt he’s smitten, Jenna. But this is beyond suicide.

Jenna digests the pictures but her reasoning and sensibilities are filtered by Ashra’s control over her.

10

DAVID

How did you take these pictures?

Jacob returns the photos to his knapsack.

JACOB

How do you think I was able to rescue the ones who survived? I didn’t charm the Lion Man with Indian chants or dance.

DR. SEYMOUR

You somehow go there and actually battle these monsters?

Jacob nods.

GEORGI

But how do you do that… go there, and return?

JACOB

Ethew is the conduit. There is no guarantee.

DAVID

Wait a minute… This is way too risky.

JACOB

There is no other solution. Left to traditional medicine or psychotherapy, Jenna will be another victim. A dead Eve in the deadly garden of Eden.

JENNA

Eve?

JACOB

The creatures are worried about the power this Lion Man has gained. If he can move space, how will it affect their existence?

[Dawn Greenfield]

Dawn Greenfield’s science fiction writing sample plan.

What I learned doing this assignment? How to create a succinct 10-page sample that will get my samples read and get me hired for assignments. I can apply what I learned here to all my scripts.

My sample is 11 pages. I don’t know if that is against the rules, but I wanted to complete the tense scene.

If you would like to exchange feedback, reply to this post AND email me at dawn@degreenfield.com

The set-up: This scene is in the 3rd Act. Federal agents Georgie and David convince Jacob Two Birds to help Jenna, a prestigious insurance investigator, who is trapped under the influence of Ashra, the Lion Man. Ashra’s goal is to make Jenna his mate and bring her to his dimension. Jacob is the only person who can affectively save Jenna from a sure death.

FADE IN:

EXT. CABIN IN THE WOODS – DAY

David parks in front of a modest log cabin a short distance from the Hudson River. A Land Rover is parked on the side of the cabin.

David gets out of the car with a small mailing tube and knocks on the front door. No one answers.

David heads off down a path toward the river. As he approaches, he hears Native American chanting.

David arrives at a clearing near the rivers edge.

Jacob stands in front of a carved statue of The Great Spirit (Manitoh Kan) and performs a ritual.

JACOB

I give thanks to Manitoh for the water, the trees, the animals, the stars and the moon.

Jacob sprinkles kernels of corn on the ground.

JACOB

Renew the crops. Help us avoid natural catastrophes. Keep our people together.

David watches quietly, respectfully.

Jacob completes the ritual.

JACOB

You need to practice stealth, my friend.

He turns and walks toward David. They clasp hands firmly.

DAVID

Jacob, how do you do that?

JACOB

I sensed your aura, but the mirror in the tree helped.

David scans the area and spots a round mirror on a tree.

JACOB

Your message sounded urgent.

DAVID

I need your help.

JACOB

I’ve made peace with myself, David. It has taken me almost 17 years, but I can finally start the day without a drink. No more scouting for monsters for the agency.

DAVID

You’ve traveled the world and have met holy men, shamans, witch doctors and everything else in between. Can you tell me if you’ve ever seen any creatures such as these?

David pulls Jenna’s drawings out of the mailing tube. He unrolls them and shows Jacob the picture of the chakras.

JACOB

This woman is not grounded.

DAVID

You guessed it. Wait till you see this.

David holds the explicit drawing of the creatures.

Jacob stares intently at the drawing as he takes it out of

David’s hands. This man wars with personal demons.

Without a word, Jacob walks briskly back to the cabin.

David follows, silent.

INT. CABIN IN THE WOODS – DAY

This is no slouch cabin interior. It is decorated with Native American influence and South American Indian pieces.

Jacob sets the drawings on the table and stands over them.

JACOB

Where did these come from?

DAVID

A woman named Jenna Wilder. Vice President of a prestigious insurance investigation firm, normal from the word go. All of a sudden she starts seeing and hearing creatures from another dimension.

Jacob goes into the other room. He returns with a handful of paper that has yellowed around the edges.

DAVID

What do you have there?

Jacob lays a page on the table. It’s almost identical to Jenna’s.

JACOB

1980.

He puts another drawing on the table.

JACOB

1984.

He lays the rest out on the table.

JACOB

’88, ’92, ’96.

DAVID

Where did you get these?

Jacob grabs a bound bunch of sage, lights it and walks around the room. He chants softly.

The room becomes thick with smoke. David coughs.

JACOB

Sorry. I had to do a quick cleansing so the creatures don’t over-stay their welcome.

DAVID

Are they here now?

David coughs again and waves the smoke out of the way.

Jacob runs his finger up a piece of David’s coat and displays a fresh stream of slime. He wipes his finger on a paper towel then opens some windows.

JACOB

They are attached to you because you are trying to solve their problem. You cannot solve their problem. No one can.

DAVID

I need to know about these drawings. You have been in contact with these creatures. Were women involved?

JACOB

I thought I saw the last of them in 1996. Then in 2006 I got a call from a guy named Rick Herrington who used to be with the agency. Some actress had been found crawling around in the bushes, talking crazy. Thought it was drugs, then she drew a picture.

David coughs.

JACOB

Let’s go outside until the smoke clears.

EXT. CABIN IN THE WOODS – DAY

David does some mental calculations.

DAVID

That has something to do with your sobriety…

JACOB

Yeah.

Jacob walks to his Land Rover and puts the drawings on the hood. He points to the 2006 drawing.

JACOB

Rick called me. I couldn’t. I just couldn’t get involved. But it was too late. The creatures were attached to me and wouldn’t let me be.

DAVID

What happened? I need to know what happened with each of these women.

Jacob points to the 1980 drawing.

JACOB

We lost her.

He points to the 1984 drawing.

JACOB

Saved her but she wasn’t mentally stable, so in a sense, we lost her.

He points to the 1988, then 1992 drawings.

JACOB

Saved her. Lost her.

DAVID

The actress?

JACOB

Saved her.

DAVID

The women you lost…what happened to them?

JACOB

In a sense, they went willingly. The Lion Men are powerful in every regard. Once they claim a mate, they will fight to the death for her.

DAVID

Why are they taking OUR women?

Jacob points to the drawings.

JACOB

All these other places are balanced. He points to Ashra’s corner.

JACOB

There is only one alpha Lion Man in each pride. They mate once every four years. If a child isn’t produced, the lion man kills his mate and gets another. If she produces a child, the child is an adult by ten years old. The child kills his parents and the cycle starts again.

DAVID

Buy why are they taking OUR women? What about their females?

JACOB

Evidently there’s not enough females. I suspect there’s something not right in the female of their species and human women are a close match.

DAVID

I saw the creatures, you know. Jenna did this thing where she connectedme with the big interpreter creature, Ethew.

Jacob gets in David’s face.

JACOB

Never do that again, my friend. You may find that you cannot return wholly to who you were.

DAVID

The data I’m collecting through my own experiences can benefit the agency.

JACOB

It’s a job, David. Is your life worth the risk?

David points to Ashra’s face in the corner of the drawing.

DAVID

This is Ashra. He is gaining more and more control over Jenna.

JACOB

The Lion Man.

DAVID

Can you help Jenna?

Jacob closes his eyes. He fights his demons.

JACOB

It may be too late, but I can try.

David opens the door of his car.

JACOB

Do not connect with Ethew unless I’m there, David. You don’t realize how dangerous those connections are.

DAVID

I’ll stay out of Neverland, I promise.

INT. DR. SEYMOUR’S OFFICE – DAY

Georgi and Dr. Seymour study Jenna’s latest drawing.

GEORGI

I realize this is stretching the beliefs and boundaries of schizophrenia, but you are forgetting I am a trained doctor.

DR. SEYMOUR

It is preposterous to ask me to believe that we are dealing with a paranormal situation. All the reports I have read on ghosts and poltergeists are nothing more than kinetic activity of an overactive imagination.

Georgi points to the drawing.

GEORGI

The situation we have observed has

nothing to do with ghosts. This is

one time where I clearly have to bow

to my partner who has investigated

cases similar to this.

CLOSE-UP of the drawing that clearly shows Jenna in Ashra’s

corner of the checkerboard. Jenna and Ashra face each other

in rapture, about to kiss.

GEORGI

This drawing has an ominous tone and is a clear warning of what is to come if we don’t try unorthodox measures to prevent it.

DR. SEYMOUR

Are you suggesting that Jenna is going to be carried off in the middle of the night by this barbarian?

GEORGI

It does sound a bit ludicrous, but I feel a strong threat exists.

INT. DR. SEYMOUR’S OFFICE – DAY

Jenna is in a tense session with Dr. Seymour.

JENNA

I don’t see why everyone is so caught up in the dynamics of my life. I want to be discharged from the hospital immediately.

DR. SEYMOUR

We don’t want any harm to come to you, Jenna.

JENNA

Harm? What are you talking about?

DR. SEYMOUR

Your fixation on these creatures is not healthy, and while you deny that anything is wrong, surely you must realize that you are deviating from the norm at this point.

Jenna jumps up from her chair in rage and goes around the desk and grabs Dr. Seymour’s face with both hands.

JENNA

I’ll show you the norm…

Dr. Seymour grabs her wrists but he cannot break her iron grip.

DR. SEYMOUR

Jenna, go back to your chair!

JENNA

Look into my eyes, Dr. Seymour. I want you to see what I see.

He struggles to free himself.

DR. SEYMOUR

Now, Jenna…

Dr. Seymour witnesses the checkerboard of creatures. He sucks in a huge gasp as the overpowering chatter from the many horrific creatures floods into the quiet office. He suddenly stops his struggle with Jenna.

Jenna releases her grip.

The chatter abruptly stops.

Jenna calmly returns to the opposite side of the desk and sits demurely in her chair.

JENNA

Now, doctor…

Jenna leans back, folds her arms and crosses her legs.

JENNA

Who’s crazy?

Dr. Seymour, in shock, stares blankly, mouth slack.

INT. CABIN IN THE WOODS – DAY

Dozens of candles flicker in the waning light. Charcoal cones on small dishes burn in a circle around Jacob, as he sits in meditation.

A candle flickers and sizzles as a small blob of goo drops from thin air. Blotches of the secretion appear on the floor close to Jacob.

His face shows an inner struggle as he inwardly acknowledges unseen visitors.

Dark patches appear on his shirt sleeves and shoulders. His jaw tightens as he resists movement. His breath becomes labored. His eyes fly open.

JACOB

Yes! Yes, I will come!

He stands, grabs his knapsack from a coat hook and exits the cabin in a hurry.

One by one, the candles sizzle out as a single drop of gooey substance extinguishes each flame.

INT. SECURED HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY

Jenna’s parents, Bill and Katherine, stand by the bed.

Jenna rocks on the bed.

The door opens and Dr. Seymour, Georgi, David, and Jacob enter.

DAVID

Mr. & Mrs. Sams, this is Jacob Two Birds. He has experience with your daughter’s situation.

Jacob removes his coat and hangs it over the end of the bed. A tomahawk and a long knife hang from his belt.

Jenna surfaces from her haze. She is curious about Jacob.

DAVID

Jenna, this is my friend…

JENNA

Building forces against me?

DR. SEYMOUR

Jenna, no one would ever do anything to make you feel you were being forced into a situation you did not want.

Bill reaches out to put his arm around Jenna’s shoulders.

Jenna jerks away.

BILL

Jenna, you need all the help you can get, so at least be open minded.

JENNA

All you want is for me to stay drugged so I can’t make my own decisions.

KATHERINE

Why would you even say such a thing?

Bill wraps his arms around Katherine.

Jacob walks to the bed and faces Jenna.

JACOB

That’s not exactly true. The Lion Man has stolen your free will. He is making all your decisions.

JENNA

No one makes decisions for me!

JACOB

Do you trust your parents?

JENNA

Yes, of course I do.

JACOB

Then why did you abandon them, and your position in your company for this?

JENNA

I didn’t abandon my parents!

JACOB

You turned your free will over to a non-human. A creature.

Jenna is about to erupt in response, but Jacob pulls graphic photo’s that show mutilated bodies of women and their Lion Men mates out of his knapsack. He shoves a photo at Jenna.

Bill and Katherine are horrified.

Dr. Seymour and Georgi are shocked.

JACOB

The Lion Men mate once every four years. Unless you produce an offspring, your death will be grisly. And even if you do, when your cubchild is ten, he will kill you and your mate.

Jacob returns the drawings to his bag.

JACOB

That’s their way. Unless you break free, one way or the other, you go to a certain death.

JENNA

No! No, he would never do that to me. He loves me.

JACOB

Oh, there’s no doubt he’s smitten, Jenna. But this is beyond suicide.

KATHERINE

Will you listen to this man, Jenna? That creature will kill you!

Jenna digests the pictures but her reasoning and sensibilities are filtered by Ashra’s control over her.

DAVID

How did you take these?

Jacob gathers up the photo’s and returns them to his knapsack.

JACOB

How do you think I was able to rescue the ones who survived? I didn’t charm the Lion Man with Indian chants or dance.

DR. SEYMOUR

You somehow go there and actually battle these monsters?

Jacob nods.

GEORGI

But how do you do that…go there, and return?

JACOB

Ethew is the conduit. There is no guarantee.

DAVID

Wait a minute… This is way too risky.

JACOB

There is no other solution. Left to traditional medicine or psychotherapy, Jenna will be another victim. A dead Eve in the deadly garden of Eden.

JENNA

Eve?

JACOB

The creatures are worried about the power this Lion Man has gained. If he can move space, how will it affect their existence?

• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  Dawn Greenfield.

[Dawn Greenfield]

Dawn Greenfield, Key Business Decisions

What I learned doing this assignment is that working with a producer is one of my ultimate goals. To be able to help solve any problems that crop up with a script so that the script is produced and distributed.

Also, not to focus so much on the money, but the end goal. Movie gets made. I get a screen credit, and more writing assignments.

For my high budget script:

The genre is science fiction with a sub-genre of horror.

The title The Far Corner is catchy.

The concept is about a professional woman whose encounter with monsters pushes her into psychosis and she ends up in a straight jacket.

Budget: $3-$5 million

Lead Characters: Federal investigators Georgina (Georgie) Sams (32) and David Daniels (35); Jacob Two Birds (65); Jenna Wilder, 28 (the afflicted).

Supporting characters: Ethew, the interpreter creature; Ashra, the Lion Man.

Brief synopsis: Jenna Wilder, 28, is caught in a web of terror as creatures from another dimension hound her for attention – she isn’t grounded and it could cost her — her very life.

Fed’s Georgi and David (30’s) investigate. David brings Jacob Two Birds (60s) into the investigation. Jacob is the only one who can possibly save Jenna. He has lost, and saved other women that were enticed to the Lion Man’s world.

Ethew, the interpreter creature, warns Jenna away from the Lion Man. David connects with Ethew to understand the peril. As Jenna slips away under the Lion Man’s control, Jacob, armed with tomahawk and long knife, travels to the Lion Man’s dimension.

The battle commences. David witnesses the battle. Jacob kills the Lion Man, but it appears that Jacob has been mortally wounded. Jenna is released from the Lion Man’s control. Jacob materializes, barely alive. Ethew and the creatures vanish – their work is done.

Opening: Jenna Wilder is a VP and investigator with her family’s insurance investigations business for high-profile cases. She’s hell on wheels in a courtroom and never loses a case.

After dinner with her parents and a doctor they’re trying to set her up with, she has a nightmare that is way too real. The next morning she is at the office super early preparing for court that morning when she hears a drip, drip, drip sound, then something taps her on the shoulder. She is face-to-face with a monster (Ethew). It’s all downhill from there. She ends up in a private psych ward.

David and Georgie are brought in to investigate whether this incident is a national security occurrence or what. They discover anomalies in Jenna’s private hospital room.

The ending: Jacob Two Birds battles Ashra in his world. He defeats the Lion Man and barely makes it back home alive. David writes his report in his dark office. He views a blurry photograph that can only be that of Ethew. He saves the file and shuts down the computer.

[Dawn Greenfield]

Dawn Greenfield Ireland — specialty: Science Fiction

I’m choosing sci-fi because I’m more familiar and comfortable with the genre in my writing of several sci-fi novels and screenplays.

I watched Inception and The Matrix. Both movies fulfill all the conventions of sci-fi from the beginning scenes right through to the end.

The writer of Inception must have had a deep outline to keep track of which reality Cobb, Mal, and his team were in. Ellen/Elliot Page became Cobb’s anchor and in the end, helped free Cobb from his guilt over Mal.

The Matrix was more straightforward. Neo/Anderson was plunged into the other world. He struggled with believing what was happening. To step outside of his office job to having complete strangers tell him his world was only in his mind. While he knew the name Morpheus, he never thought he would meet him or be considered so important.

[Dawn Greenfield]

Dawn Greenfield Ireland

What I learned… I completely updated my LinkedIn profile to eliminate my lengthy technical writing background. That’s a long story. My LI profile has been updated to include my screenwriting information, and the services I provide.

Credibility Checklist

My Writing Sample

The Far Corner has placed in many competitions (see below)

Screenwriting accomplishments / competition accolades

* The Far Corner, feature: 9 Finalist & 7 semi finalists

* The God Child, feature: 1 semifinalist

* Standing Dead, feature: – 1 Winner

* Bonded (TV episode): 2 quarterfinalist

* Prophecy of Thol (TV episode): 1 finalist, 1 semifinalist, 1 quarterfinalist

Options — 2:

* Where’s Ralphie (family feature): optioned, available again; <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Awarded Kids First! Endorsement ~ Coalition for Quality Children’s Media

* Block Captain, feature: Optioned, available again

<font face=”inherit”>I had a paid writing assignment </font>with<font face=”inherit”> a producer many years ago.</font>

Google Factor shows my website/full name as an author

My Network: 16 producers

Education specific to screenwriting:

* UCLA Professional Program in Screenwriting

* Screenwriting U — only this class

* IMDB — I have a free account, but no credits listed

Novels published: 17; nonfiction books published: 7; 2 online courses; I’m also a book publisher. I edit, format, and publish books for people.

[Dawn Greenfield]

Dawn Greenfield Ireland — FYI: I’ll be dropping the name Ireland soon.

Lesson 1 Assignment

A) My class project idea is an action comedy titled Maud. Budget Range $3-5 Million

B) My finished script that has been a finalist in 9 competitions and semifinalist in another 7 is The Far Corner. The budget range is $5-10 million

What I learned in the video with Hal is that my credibility is somewhat established with the success from The Far Corner, plus a very, very long time ago I had 2 separate scripts optioned. A family comedy, and what I call an action comedy. Not a lot of money crossed hands, and nothing came of them, but I can still claim them.

I was encouraged that 80% of producers are accessible, especially the small ones who might want to work with me. I like the idea of helping producers achieve their success, and reworking a script to meet budget requirements. Everything Hal talked about was encouraging. I will feel better when I get a grip on how to determine a budget. I somewhat understand what scenes hike up a budget — anything with animation or other affects.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  Dawn Greenfield. Reason: Forgot to include my name and the lesson #

[Dawn Greenfield]

DAWN GREENFIELD IRELAND — I agree to the terms of this release form.

[Dawn Greenfield]

Hey there, I’m Dawn Ireland.

I’m currently rebranding myself back to my family name (Greenfield) and giving Ireland the old heave ho after several decades.

Out of my 15 screenplays I only submit 6 or 7 to competitions. The rest need to be overhauled. One of my scripts (The Far Corner) has been a finalist in 9 competitions and a semifinalist in 7 competitions. It’s a psychological supernatural horror script.

Hmm, something strange about me? When I’m not writing (every day), I read 2-6 books a week.

[Dawn Greenfield]

Gisele,

I’ve already partnered up with someone but I wanted to give you some feedback. I’ll email you my notes in Word using Track Changes.

Dawn

[Dawn Greenfield]

Responding to Tasha’s Horror sample. Your sample may keep me awake, or at least have a nightlight on! I copied your pages and used Track Changes in MS Word to make suggestions for tighter descriptions. I will email you the pages ASAP. You can let me know if they are useful.

One thing I noticed was where you have either Bethany or Father Ptolemy recite prayers, they didn’t. That has to be listed as dialog each time.

I think you are right on the mark with this sample. Good work!

Dawn