[Deanne]

Deanne’s Act 3 First Draft

Insights:
> Using placeholders is liberating.
> So far, my first three act breaks came in with fewer pages than my outline to that point. That might change as I add in more character development and expand number of lines spent on highlighting the mysteries and open loops, and add more scenes to smooth out bumps. But it’s possible the expansion will take place in other acts instead.
> It’s easier to push forward when I know I’ll have more opportunities to address problems and figure out better scene structures in future drafts.

Rating my use of speed writing rules:
1. B 2. A 3. B 4. A 5. B 6. A (a couple B’s are more B minus, but not C )

[Deanne]

I submitted detailed character story lines for the protagonist and antagonist to ScreenplayFeedback.ai (the script component section for protagonist/antagonist) and received in-depth analysis on what works well and how the story lines can be improved. This will be valuable for creating a beat sheet.

[Deanne]

Deanne’s Pilot Structure as suggested by Chatai (Mod 3 Lsn 3 Part 2)

Since the input was minimal without many specifics, (I only used two main characters and did not include secondary characters) Chatai’s output was general and repetitive. It didn’t contain much I could use. I think Chatai produces more valuable suggestions when the input is detailed but more limited in scope, like brainstorming for a single scene.

[Deanne]

Deanne’s Pilot Structure (Assignment Part 1)

What I learned = starting with a teaser focused on the antagonist can create a stronger hook.

Teaser:
Essence – With a small boy in tow, Lee’s behavior displays his racism.
Turning Point – This may not be Lee’s child, and the mother is still alive.

Act 1:
Essence – To cover her tracks, Tandy offers to buy a partnership in the café business.
Turning Point – The auto shop blows up.

Act 2:
Essence – Tandy pursues Ned, then insurance money comes in.
Turning Point – Ned disappears

Act 3:
Essence – Tandy starts a contest.
Turning Point – Lee comes to town.

Act 4:
Essence – Lee starts questioning the locals and reconnects with Jep
Turning Point – Tandy finds out Lee’s true agenda.

Act 5:
Essence – Tandy learns she can’t denounce Lee in public.
Lock In – Lee tells Jep he’s found the place to create an ethnostate

[Deanne]

Mod 3 Lesson 2 Deanne’s Amazing Inciting Incident

What I learned = The incident I had planned to be the cliffhanger for the pilot needed to be moved up to the midpoint to let the series concept be introduced then. The lock-in will be a different incident that reinforces the concept.

[Deanne]

This lesson taught me I needed to find a concise way to phrase the pilot’s main conflict, which helps me focus on the essence of that episode as it builds to the inciting incident for the series.

[Deanne]

BWTV-AI Mod 2 Lesson 11
Deanne’s Edited TV Pitch Bible

What I learned: I am going to need AI to keep all the story threads in play. My season descriptions need a lot more work to keep them focused on the core conflict and mysteries.

[Deanne]

Speaking of titles, I registered the first complete pitch bible of my show with the copyright office under the working title. Future drafts will be under an improved title, so I will have a “working title” line on the title page to prevent confusion.

[Deanne]

Deanne’s Intrigue Patterns
What I learned = Bronwen is a character who is deeply involved in everything and deserves to be promoted to the First Circle of characters. Since she works full-time in the cafe, she might end up with more screen time than either Dieter or Jorge.

Bland sentence = “Bronwen has been head waitress at the café since before Tandy bought into the business.”

A. Establish something shocking and the terrible things it could mean.

“Before Tandy became a partner in the café, head waitress Bronwen had already made it the gossip mecca of town – a place where self-satisfied town women could sit together over iced tea for a snark-fest.“

B. Strong statement; hint something underhanded beneath the surface.
“When Tandy became a partner in the café business, Bronwen was already there, ruler of the dining room, dictator of the wait staff, the one who knew where olives were kept and to whom the money really belonged.”

C. Question that points to hidden agendas, hidden identity, conspiracy, etc.
“Sam Cook is glad to bring Tandy on as a partner, not knowing that she and head waitress Bronwen already have a new direction for the café’s future mapped out.”

D. Character 1 is worried/wondering what Character 2 has done.
“As head waitress, Bronwen looks forward to working with Tandy, but she also wonders about Tandy’s obsession with the woods beyond the auto shop.”

E. But maybe it is all wrong.
“Head waitress Bronwen has her own theory about why Tandy wants to be Sam Cook’s partner, but when she sees the way Tandy behaves with Ned, she has to question that theory.”

F. A Pattern that leads to future consequences.

“As head waitress, Bronwen has learned to give the customers from the auto shop some leeway in their dining room behavior, but, with Lee around, some of the guys are taking things too far.”

G. If he does ____________, that means ___________.
“Bronwen is frequently upbeat, matching Tandy’s cheerful optimism. But if she drags in at the last minute before opening, with no makeup and her hair a rush-job, that means customers can expect a steady stream of snark all day. Bronwen never explains why.”

H. State the Mystery

“In all her time at the café as head waitress, she had never been presented with a mystery like the disappearance of Ned Roberts.”

I. Should be/could be ___________, but it’s even worse.
“Head waitress Bronwen remembers Lee. She knows that although he looks like an upstanding citizen, he can be a real [expletive]. But when she overhears what Lee tells her husband, she knows his return is far worse than she feared, heralding the end of the town’s golden age.”

J. Intense language.
“Bronwen might not always exhibit the best social skills of a waitress, but when it comes to running the dining room, she is a martinet demanding cleanliness, order, safety and efficiency. If you don’t like the soup, go yell at the cook. If your spoon is greasy, she’ll fire someone.”

[Deanne]

Deanne’s Character Descriptions

What I learned while doing this lesson: don’t get careless about keeping my room locked up.

1. Tandy Takuma, retired dietician, café co-owner and long-time town leader, is a devious Pollyanna who uses her cheerful nature and political savvy to manipulate people in a sincere effort to improve the world. Behind the scenes, though, she has hidden ambitions and a closet full of skeletons she wants to keep locked up. When former homeboy Lee Roberts moves back into town, Tandy guesses his intention to spread fascist ideology. As a victim of racist attacks herself, Tandy is determined to throttle Lee before he can spread his poison throughout her town. But she can’t bad-mouth Lee in public. He was a football hero, the town’s golden boy, and still has the community’s affection and respect. Criticizing Lee might cost Tandy re-election to the County Board of Supervisors or even the School Board. And if Lee attacks back, that closet full of skeletons might get knocked open in the fray.

2. Dieter Jergens, principal of one of the town’s elementary schools, is the student body’s best friend by day, Antifa crusader by night, striving to gain the town’s respect and be a role model for students and his own kids despite his disruptive history. The problem is, his School Administrator façade is an act, one of the many personalities he can project, thanks to acting classes. The role is confining. Sometimes he needs to break out of that character and become Malcolm X with a school bus. . . especially after Lee moves back into town.

3. Jorge Baltierra. As a yard maintenance specialist in three towns, Jorge runs his one-man landscape business with grit and determination, always on the lookout for new clients. This surly leaf-blower guy may not talk much, but he sees plenty, sometimes things people don’t want him to see. A few years ago, he filed a report with the FBI and now he works as an informant, eyes and ears for an organization that helps him find clients who need watching. With Lee in town, Jorge’s going to find a lot of work.

4. Lee Roberts, after his perfect life as a high school hero in a small town, Lee became an invisible nobody in the big city. Furious that people no longer worshipped him, Lee found friends who taught him who to hate. Now Lee believes the resurgent Aryan Nations will bring him back to a position of power and fame. Then Aunt Dolores calls: Uncle Ned’s auto shop blew up and before it could be rebuilt Ned disappeared. All is forgiven. Dolores needs Lee to come back home and help her cope. Lee is eager to move back into the small pond where it’s easy to be the Big Fish. It helps that Ned and Dolores have a large house that can’t be seen from any road – a perfect gathering place for the people Lee intends to recruit.

[Deanne]

Deanne’s Intriguing Concept and World

What I learned doing this assignment = focus on the central concept

My concept does not follow the pattern that focuses on the intriguing protagonist. It focuses instead on the central conflict. The six sub-headings of the show’s world all deal with that.

[Deanne]

BWTV-AI Mod 1 Lesson 12 Deanne is Creating Irony

What I learned doing this lesson = much irony can be created by using superior position

Assignment 1 = Ex Show SUCCESSION
The major irony is that the son who tries hardest to be what he thinks his Dad wants him to be is the son who cannot win his Dad’s approval until he fails completely.

Assignment 2 = My Show TRENDING LOCAL
What I learned is irony can be found on many different levels, from big picture concepts and character layers to tiny interactions between secondary characters — playing off of what the audience already knows. (However, the ten ironies I listed focus on the lead characters.)

[Deanne]

BWTV – AI Module 1 Lesson 11

Deanne’s Elevated Character Profiles

What I learned doing the past three lessons – the word “breakthrough” throws me off track. I visualize a pony jumping through paper stretched over a large hoop. Ta Da! This past lesson gave me the breakthrough that “breakthrough” can also mean “discovery,” like when I step into the world of my story and walk around with the characters and discover what’s there. I never knew before that Jorge’s mower needs a new sparkplug, but I suspect that’s irrelevant to the plot.

I have created detailed character profiles (2 to 4 pages) for each of my five lead characters and used ChatGPT to help me condense the information, ending up with a 1-2 sentence “snapshot” for each character I can refer to when I need to be reminded what their essence is. But one of the characters is coming across as too nice, so I need to follow him around a bit more to find out what else he’s hiding. Everything I’ve thought of for him so far is a cliche’. I don’t want to give him warts that will serve only to distract from the story.

[Deanne]

BWTV – AI Mod 1 Lesson 9 OPEN LOOPS

Deanne’s Big Picture Open Loops

What I learned = asking ChatGPT to create open loops for my series using only brief character and situation descriptions results in broad, vague suggestions that just point in a direction to explore. I was getting better results by imagining my characters interacting with each other while I pruned blackberry vines. That’s probably because these characters are fleshed out for me in a way that’s difficult to transmit to AI without keying in pages of information.

ASSIGNMENT 1: Ex Show SUCCESSION open loops

Will Logan remain in control of the company? Who will succeed Logan if he can’t? Will Shiv and Tom’s relationship last? Will Lawrence get revenge against Kendall? Will Kendall ever find a way to please his father? How much control will Marcia end up with? Will Greg advance in the company or be thrown out with the garbage? Why does Marcia have so much repressed hostility toward Greg? Will Vaulter keep Waystar from going under? Will Roman end up with a serious job and now how to be serious a bout it? Will Roman have an affair with his trainer? Will Shiv get back with her old boyfriend? Why is Connor so “out there?” Why do neither Frank not Gerri want to become the CEO? Will Waystar survive the debt. What will Sandy Furness do to the company? Will Shiv’s candidate win? Will Kendall get back together with his wife. Will Kendall have a relapse?

ChatGPT answers for TRENDING LOCAL

**Episode 1: “Seeds of Discord”**

*Open Loops:*

1. **New Goals:** Tandy discovers a hidden agenda within the town council, leading to a conflict with her longtime friends.

2. **Consequences:** Dieter’s past involvement with a controversial group is exposed, causing tensions within the school and putting his career in jeopardy.

3. **Solving Problems:** Lee’s unexpected alliance with a mysterious outsider complicates the town’s efforts to counter the neo-Nazi influence.

**Episode 2: “Whispers in the Shadows”**

*Open Loops:*

1. **New Goals:** Jorge’s estranged brother arrives, harboring dangerous secrets that could either help or hinder the fight against the neo-Nazi.

2. **Relationships:** Bronwen discovers a connection between her family and Lee’s past, forcing her to confront her loyalties and question her own beliefs.

3. **Danger/Risks:** Tensions escalate as the town faces external threats from a neighboring community sympathetic to Lee’s cause.

**Episode 3: “Echoes of Hate”**

*Open Loops:*

1. **Goals Related to the Big Picture:** The town leaders uncover evidence of a larger, organized effort to spread extremist ideologies in rural communities.

2. **Consequences:** Dieter’s attempts to confront his past lead to a violent confrontation, putting the school and its students in the crossfire.

3. **Relationships:** Tandy’s strained relationship with her son intensifies as he becomes inadvertently entangled with the neo-Nazi group.

**Episode 4: “Burning Bridges”**

*Open Loops:*

1. **Crushed Goals:** The town’s initial efforts to peacefully resist Lee’s influence fail, leading to a fracture within the community.

2. **Problems Created from Past Actions:** Lee’s former mentor, believed to be dead, resurfaces, complicating the town’s strategy to counter the recruitment efforts.

3. **Danger/Survival/Risks:** The neo-Nazi group initiates a series of covert actions, putting the town in imminent danger and testing the limits of their resistance.

**Episode 5: “Roots of Change”**

*Open Loops:*

1. **Major Change Imposed on Character:** Dieter faces increasing pressure from both sides, forcing him to make a life-altering decision that could affect the entire community.

2. **Relationships Changing:** Unexpected alliances form as characters put aside personal differences to confront the escalating threat.

3. **Solving Problems:** Tandy discovers a potential weakness in Lee’s operation, but exploiting it may come at a high personal cost.

[Deanne]

BWTV – AI Mod 1 Lesson 8
Deanne’s Show Mysteries
What I learned = a series needs mysteries of different kinds:
1. Shocking Event Mystery that hooks audience in at the start
2. Short-Term Mysteries that get the audience from the end od one episode into the next, then is easily solved
3. Open-Loop Mysteries that arise in one epiaode, get dropped, then resurface several episodes later
4. Big Central Mystery that helps drive the plot through a long series of dropped clues over time

ASSIGNMENT 1: SUCCESSION Mysteries
Shocking Event = Logan’s collapse, what caused it?
Over Time = who was Marcia before she met Logan, what cause rift between Logan and Ewan, why is eldest son Ewan so far down in family hierarchy, what is Stewey’s true agenda?

ASSIGNMENT 2: TRENDING LOCAL Mysteries

SHOCKING EVENT

1. Shocking Event = Ned’s Auto Repair Shop explodes

2. I know who did it and why, but why should I tell you?

3. Investigation = short and sweet. Explosion was deliberate. Sheriff has no leads. Cold case.

4. WWWWWH = I haven’t figured out the “how” yet

5. Parts withheld = everything outside of the “what. when, and where”

OVER-TIME MYSTERY

1. Ned disappears

2. Secret: biggest secret = why

3. Reveals = clues will be dropped along the way. I’ll figure out how and where to reveal pieces of the truth along the way.

4. WWWWWH = Ned disappears. That’s all you need to know

5. Parts withheld = everything else

AI QUERIES

AIgor gave me good suggestions how to expand the plot with additional mysteries.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 5 months ago by  Deanne Gwinn.

[Deanne]

BWTV-AI Mod 1, Lesson 7
Empathy / Distress

Assignment 1. SUCCESSION empathy / distress

Logan – ambushed by family because they think he is no longer competent
Kendall – can never please his father, betrayed by people he thought would back him
Shiv – realizing she doesn’t really love the man she’s marrying
Tom – suspects Shiv is going to stray, has huge mess dumped on him by retiring boss
Greg – used by Tom to do the dirty work because Tom considers him expendable
Frank – had a good severance agreement, came back to shepherd Roman, backs Kendall & gets tossed out
Roman – completely under his Dad’s thumb

Assignment 2. TRENDING LOCAL
Big Picture Difficult Situations
Tandy – A. Undeserved misfortune: native habitat she’s trying to save might become parking lot, as School Board member worked hard to get Dieter hired as principal and faces blowback from dissatisfied parents, irrigation water to her property being cut off by Ned/Lee, secretly dealing with adult child’s mental illness, café she co-owns has business drying up,

B. External Character Conflicts: business partner wants to sell café at a loss, protégé Dieter is causing waves in community by revamping curriculum, Lee moving back into town stirs up memories of racist attack, Jorge discovers something Tandy needs to keep secret C. Plot Intruding On Life: as Lee’s influence spreads, Tandy no longer feels safe in her hometown, re-election is in jeopardy, she needs to put energy into recruiting allies and taking steps to counter Lee’s efforts, D. Moral Dilemmas: as long as Lee is doing nothing illegal, Tandy can’t overtly act against him so the question is how far over the line is she willing to go in secret? E. Forced Decisions: She needs to embrace a dirty-tricks campaign before Lee’s influence becomes too strong and his converts take over town government.
Empathy: A. Distress = see above B. Relatable = trying to run a profitable business, loves town as it is, has status and wants to keep it, deals with micro-aggressions

Dieter – A. Undeserved misfortune: falsely accused of wrongdoing at last teaching position and it’s something enemies in this town could resurrect, B. External Character Conflicts: he understands Lee’s agenda right away but has to be very careful how he reacts because as a school principal he’s in the public eye and must set an example for his students, C. plot intruding on life: as Tandy tries to bring him in on her campaign to get rid of Lee he’s torn between helping her and fulfilling his duties at work, Lee’s actions force Dieter into the need to provide countermeasures, D. Moral Dilemmas: tell his kids the truth or lie to them for the sake of Lee’s kid? Break the law to reach goal? Vote for Tandy after he finds out how she works? E. Forced Decisions: Dieter forced to take actions to defuse situations and disindoctrinate kids. Empathy: A. Distress = see above B. Relatable = trying to do right for students, loves his family, dealing with micro-aggressions every day of his life

Lee –
Distress A. Undeserved Misfortune: had to leave role as rising star in Naziland and come back home to run garage after Uncle Ned disappears. Has an elementary school kid with a disability. B. External Character Conflicts: Lee has a conflict with any character who is not Aryan C. Plot Intruding on Life: Tandy’s efforts to rezone land put Lee’s business in jeopardy. As he gets more active in recruitment, Tandy’s dirty tricks campaign throws obstacles in his path D. Moral dilemmas: Lee’s beliefs make him unwilling to work on cars for non-whites but he needs the business so does he do a crappy job an harm the sop’s reputation or do a good job an have undesirable as repeat customers who hang around all the time? E. Forced decisions: being in this town means he must send his kid to a school where a black man is in charge.
Empathy: A. Distress = see above B. Relatable = trying to run a profitable business, loves his kid, had status and wants it back

The prompt gave me some concrete ideas to play with.

[Deanne]

BWTV AI Mod 1 Lesson 6: Character Relationship Map

Deanne’s Show Relationship Map

What I learned doing this lesson = to look at each ancillary character from focus character’s POV

Assignment 1 Example Show SUCCESSION relationship map

Greg Hirsch: Relationship with Logan, Tom, Marianne

Greg Logan Tom Marianne

surface Uncle Extended Family Mom

Common ground family family family

conflict Kitten/porcupine Can’t stand up to him Wants Greg to fledge

history Absence of contact Just met she’s his mother

subtext Wants in on company Tom wants in on family Wants Logan to set him up

arc Disinterest/forgotten Butt of jokes/ buddy Disappointment/hope

Assignment 2 My Show Relationship Maps

TANDY Dieter Lee Bronwen Jorge

surface School board/principal Business across street Works at cafe Mows her yard

in common Health of town Town, school Café, town Yard, town

conflict curriculum Land, racism Too wishy washy How to mow

history Voted to hire Dieter Knew Uncle Ned Lured her to job As employer

subtext Wants vote validated Knows where Ned is Trying to save her Suspects he spies

arc Prove yourself /co-conspirator Suspicion /war Unimpressed/proud of her All business/
co-conspirator

DIETER Tandy Lee Bronwen Jorge

surface Principal/school board Kid in school Kid in school Mows his lawn

in common Health of town, schools Town, kid Town, kid Health of town

conflict curriculum racism truancies Noisy leaf blower

history Got job because of her Just met Kid in trouble As employer

subtext Needs her respect Racist vibes Kid needs mentor Join forces

arc Prickly/friends/Co-conspirator Dislike / war Annoyance/empathy All business /
co-conspirator

LEE Tandy Dieter Bronwen Jorge

surface Neighbor business Kid’s principal Friend’s wife Trims shrubs

in common town town, kid Town, friend town

conflict Land, kids, country Kid, country She’s married country

history Years in same town Just met Just met Just met

subtext Jap Black Entertainment Mexican

arc Dislike / war Dislike / war Lust / war War / war

[Deanne]

Hi Peter,

Sorry, I posted this in the wrong class. I’m having an issue with my account not displaying the reply button in Cheryl’s box we use to post lesson work. The only way I can post is by replying to a post by another student. I was checking if this is a problem with all my classes — yup. Even classes from last year. Since this post was something I wanted to get on record without delay, I hit the big red reply button and posted it there. Then I realized it was the wrong class. Oh well. At least I wasn’t wasting paper.

[Deanne]

Sorry to intrude here, but the only reply button I can find now is the big red one at the bottom of the scroll. The reply to Cheryl button isn’t showing up. Anyone else having this problem?

[Deanne]

PRO REWRITE CLASS LESSON 13 Part Two (Additional scene)
Deanne’s Alternate Scene Structures

What I learned doing this lesson = don’t think of the story as etched in stone. We’re working with clay and watercolors.

In my first draft of COVER BAND, I needed a teaser that stated the genre of the plot, so I wrote the following before I sent a draft of the complete plot to Barb Doyon of Extreme Screenwriting for “first look” coverage to determine if I was on the right track.

COVER BAND: First Complete Plot 02-23-23

EXT. BEHIND STAGE – NIGHT

Three flat acres of barren field, a stage dropped in the middle like a lost barge, eight feet tall and enough surface space for multiple tennis courts.

A handful of BAND ROADIES rush to plug in stacked amps and speakers, wire up drums and sound check mics with focused urgency as cars fill a distant area roped off for parking.

There are no stands for the audience, no stadium lights.

Behind the stage, parked band vehicles create a fortressed area around a ramp up to the stage.

On both sides of the ramp, a semi-truck is backed up to the stage rear skirt.

Two more are parked across the fronts of the first trucks, like turned-out feet at the ends of legs.

The BAND VAN blocks the opening between truck “heels,” its living section door facing the back of the stage.

Under the ramp, a garage-door gap in the skirt reveals only darkness…

On the ground, RODMAN (25) and RANDOM ROADIE (19) string electric cords to the ramp while the rumbling drone of a generator fills a truck. Random trips on an oversized hose that snakes under the stage.

RANDOM

This thing’s in the way.

RODMAN

Not your problem.

Random follows the hose to peer under the stage.

RANDOM ROADIE

What’s it for, anyway?

RODMAN

Stay off it! I’ve seen what happens.

But Random lingers.

RANDOM

Aren’t you curious?

Rodman hurries up the ramp, hands full of cord.

Banks of stage lights blast on. In the bright glare, a large shadow, like gaping jaws, emerges from under the stage. It moves toward Random.

His face contorts with terror.

Barb’s notes said the teaser needed work because the audience might not perceive such events at an entertainment venue to be out of the ordinary. The main thing, she advised, is that a teaser for a horror movie needs to show blood.

So I rewrote that opening scene as follows:

Cover Band Rewrite start 05-27-23

EXT. VENUE FOR FIRST CONCERT – NIGHT

Silent under darkness, a five-acre field surrounds a brightly-lit stage as high as a house with enough area for three tennis courts.

Several ROADIES rush to wire up mics and amps, every move magnified by a confusion of competing shadows.

A hundred feet in front of the stage, scruffy SOUNDER listens to headphones at a dimly-lit mixing board, flicking switches.

Beyond Sounder, at the field’s edge, headlights of the first fan cars turn into a marked-off parking area.

EXT. ALONGSIDE THE STAGE – NIGHT

A happy bit of canine fluff, tail wagging, sniffs along the base of the stage, his light-colored fur a pale cloud in the shadows. At the other end of a taut leash, JILL stumbles forward to keep up, under the influence of pre-concert celebration.

JILL

Come on, Muffy. Just pick a spot and go. I shoulda left you home.

Muffy pulls Jill around the stage’s rear corner

EXT. OUTSIDE OF TRUCK YARD BEHIND STAGE – NIGHT

A refrigerated truck, backed up to stage rear, blocks the way.

Light spilling from the stage shines on a sign posted on the truck’s cargo box personnel door.

Jill is curious, but Muffy is suddenly subdued, tail still.

Jill walks forward, tugging Muffy along until she can read the cheerful sign.

SIGN: Do you have a backstage pass? Wait here!

JILL

How do you get a backstage pass? Where are the roadies?

She looks around.

An eighteen-wheeler is backed across the front of the refrigerated truck.

Jill rounds the front of the eighteen-wheeler to find two large RV’s overlapping the rear of the eighteen-wheeler, parked side-by-side in opposite directions.

This “teaser” was too long and we hadn’t gotten to the blood yet, so I kept rewriting until reaching the current version:

Current Version registered 10-24-23

EXT. STAGE SURROUNDINGS – NIGHT

Dusty darkness blankets a barren field.

A STAGE dropped in the middle like a lost barge, self-lit,

high as a house with space for eight tennis courts.

Behind it, the Truck Yard, an area outlined by four semi-trucks and two RVs parked in a formation that blocks access to the rear of the stage, yet allows band equipment to be unloaded from the trailers.

From a bird’s-eye view, the trucks give the bright stage legs and out-turned feet illuminated by light spillover. The RVs provide a too-small podium for those feet.

A ramp from stage rear descends into the Truck Yard.

Below the ramp, an opening to darkness under the stage.

There are no stands for seating, no stadium lights.

All illumination comes from fixtures on the stage.

On stage, ROADIES rush to stack amps and speakers, wire up mics, connect cords.

In the middle of the fan area, SOUNDER, the scruffy soundman (40s), at a mixing board with headphones, checking feeds.

In the distance, headlights of the first cars turn into an area roped off for parking where local-hires direct traffic with flashlights.

A smattering of fans straggle toward the stage. One, a young woman in a fringed jacket, FRINGE, walks her small DOG on a leash. Her BOYFRIEND follows along, a roll of poop bags in hand.

EXT. BEHIND STAGE – OUTSIDE TRUCK YARD – NIGHT

Bright light spills from the stage, streams between truck cabs and trailers, edging deep shadows with spaces of light.

Fringe and Boyfriend follow Dog alongside the trucks.

FRINGE

C’mon Princess. Go already.

BOYFRIEND

Yeah, poop now or forever hold your pee. We should have left her home. My car won’t be safe.

FRINGE

It will if she goes now. And I take her out at intermission.

BOYFRIEND

Music’s gonna freak her out.

FRINGE

It won’t be any louder than at your place. She’s used to it.

A sign on the side door of a reefer trailer catches Fringe’s eye. She points.

FRINGE

Look! Think we could get in?

SIGN: Backstage Pass Holders Wait Here.

Dog snuffles under the truck, but stops and growls, then scoots out to dodge behind Fringe.

BOYFRIEND

So now you’re dating the lead guitar? When were you going to break it to me?

FRINGE

See anyone we could ask?

BOYFRIEND

They’d be in there. We’ve been all the way around. There’s no way past the trucks.

FRINGE

Mom’s right. You’ll never amount to anything with that attitude.

Fringe stoops to crawl under the truck, pulling Dog along. Dog pulls back, but gets dragged under anyway.

BOYFRIEND

I don’t think that’s allowed.

FRINGE (O.S.)

Come on. We’re going to get backstage passes. Right, Princess?

Boyfriend kicks a tire, then reluctantly stoops to follow.

BOYFRIEND

You’re going to land us in real trouble someday, you know?

Boyfriend disappears under the truck.

Muffled sounds of roadies on stage. Something pings a cymbal, scraping of amps pushed into place. Quick footsteps.

The dog’s gruff growl comes from beyond the truck.

Then barking. Frantic, terrified barking…

and shrill screams.

Screams in a duet of soprano and tenor.

Screams of helpless denial and dismemberment.

EXT. ON STAGE – NIGHT

The roadies onstage pause their work, throw furtive glances toward the truck yard, then hunch over and go back to work, not looking a each other.

EXT. RODEO GROUNDS – NIGHT

Head turned, CB (50s) listens intently to the distant screams. Flickering firelight makes him look like a cowboy on the lonesome prairie.

EXT. BEHIND STAGE – OUTSIDE TRUCK YARD – NIGHT

Dog streaks out from under the trailer, dragging the leash, new dark splotches on its fur.

Running faster than short legs should allow, it vanishes into the darkness across the field.

Now I’m finding this version is causing a plot problem as the Villain’s Plan is refined. So it’s back to rewrites.

[Deanne]

Pro Rewrite Lesson 13: Deanne’s Elevated Scene Structures

What I learned from doing this assignment is choose your changes carefully. They need to be made with a consistent focus on the scene’s purpose and the story’s spine. Making changes just because they’re interesting or exciting creates the risk of diverting momentum into channels that don’t flow to the climax of the main conflict. Making choices based on the bare component breakdowns of various structures saves a lot of time.

1. Current version of scene #45

EXT. BEHIND STAGE – OUTSIDE TRUCK YARD – DAY

Slick’s RV parks alongside the Band Van, passenger-side out.

A roar as Slick hurtles across the field on his motorcycle, stunting all the way, then stops in a cloud of dust behind the motorcycle trailer as Mel jumps out of the RV.

Slick dismounts, points at Mel, points at the motorcycle, then pulls out his phone to take a call as he walks toward the two men on horses.

Behind him, Mel rolls the motorcycle into the motorcycle trailer.

Bits of Slick’s conversation drift into audible range.

SLICK

Trust me, I’m the only one who can fix this…
you’ll be thanking me… the greatest show this
puny town has seen… this great city won’t believe
the great, stupendous spectacle, the fireworks…
Of course there are no fireworks. A light show,
the most fantastic light show… and the biggest
crowd ever, you can’t imagine the size of this crowd…

He shuts up a minute. Looks stressed.

SLICK

It’s a little city, a town, practically a village.
The press doesn’t even know we’re here. Just fans,
hundreds of secret fans who drive a long way to get here…
That isn’t finished… Tonight? I’ll tell them.

Phone chat over, Slick scowls as CB and Champ ride up.

SLICK

Watch where you drive those things.
Fans don’t want to step in cow pies.
You want something?

CHAMP
(mouths the words)
Cow pies?

CB
Mel told us you’re hiring. We’re experienced
in security, sound systems and lighting, traffic
and crowd control…

Slick eyes CB.

SLICK
You’re the roper from the other night.

CB nods.

Slick looks over the horses, studies CB’s rig like something’s wrong with it, calculating.

He smiles, smooth.

SLICK
You’re hired. Security. Fans’ll love it.
I’ll have the roadie boss brief you… Ronin…
Robbie?… Rodman.

He walks back to his motorhome, making another call.

CHAMP
That was easy.

CB
Too easy.

CB’s surprised. Suspicious. He looks at his Rig.

Alternate scene structure: mislead and reveal

Beginning: CB asks Rodman how they can apply for a job

Middle: Rodman leads CB and Champ to believe they just need to talk to him. Then Rodman tells them unusual, strange, and gruesome tasks that would be required of them. But he says it in a manner that indicates he’s leading them on as a prank.

End: When CB asks Rodman whether they have jobs or not, Rodman says “I don’t know. You’ll need to ask Slick.”

PROBLEM with this structure: I’m looking for scenes that can increase the amount of script space devoted to interactions between the protagonist and the villain. This isn’t the way.

Alternate scene structure: competitive agendas

Beginning: Slick arrives

Middle: CB’s agenda is to get a job that gives him opportunities to investigate the band. Champ’s agenda is to get a chance to drive the big trucks, which is the wrong job for CB’s agenda.

End: they get hired as band security

PROBLEM with this structure: the scene focuses on friendship between CB and Champ, not CB’s conflict with Slick

Alternate scene structure: surprise

Beginning: Slick arrives and CB asks for a job
Middle: Slick makes it clear he doesn’t like CB or Champ, predicts they are fools who would only disappoint him, makes CB and Champ believe there are no jobs for them.
End: Slick hires them both. Evidently, he likes fools.

Scene Rewritten with Surprise Structure =
EXT. BEHIND STAGE – OUTSIDE TRUCK YARD – DAY

Slick’s RV parks alongside the Band Van, right-side out. Mel jumps out the passenger door.

A roar as Slick hurtles across the field on his motorcycle, stunting all the way, to stop in a cloud of dust behind the motorcycle trailer hitched to his RV.

Slick dismounts, points at Mel, points at the motorcycle, then pulls out his phone to take a call while Mel rolls the motorcycle away, up into the trailer.

As CB and Champ ride their horses toward Slick, bits of conversation drift into audible range.

SLICK
Trust me, I’m the only one who can fix this…
you’ll thank me… the greatest show this puny
town has seen… this great city won’t believe
the stupendous spectacle, the fireworks…
Of course there are no fireworks. A light show,
the most fantastic light show… and the biggest
crowd ever, you can’t imagine the size of this crowd…

He shuts up a minute. Looks stressed.

SLICK
It’s a little city, a town, practically a village.
The press doesn’t know we’re here. Just fans,
hundreds of secret fans who drive a long way
to get here… Tonight? I’ll tell them.

Phone chat over, Slick scowls as CB and Champ ride up.

SLICK
Watch where you drive those things.
Fans don’t want to step in cow pies.
You want something?
(eyeing CB)
You’re the roper from the other night.

CB nods.

CHAMP
(mouths the words)
Cow pies?

CB
Mel told us you’re hiring. We have
experience in security, sound systems,
lighting, traffic and crowd control —

SLICK
Only fools believe everything they’re told.
Are you a fool?

CB
Maybe. But why would I be a fool to believe Mel?

Slick cracks a wide grin but doesn’t answer. After an uncomfortable pause…

CB
That’s a pretty big stage. Seems like your crew
could use some extra hands to break it down.

Slick grins again. He lets his gaze slide across the horses with derision, studies CB’s rig parked across the field like he sees something wrong with it.

SLICK
I’ve hired a lot of fools over the years.
They always find a way to disappoint me.
Drummers that can’t keep a beat.
Sound men who think they’re musicians.
Musicians who want to leave the band to go solo.
You two look like fools to me.

Champ and CB look at each other: all those miles for nothing.

Then Slick smiles, smooth.

SLICK
You’re hired. Security. Fans’ll love it.
Roswell can brief you — Ronin… Rupert?
…RODman.

Slick turns on his heel, strolls to the RV, making a call.

CHAMP
(surprised)
That was easy.

CB
Too easy.

CB watches Slick, uneasy.

[Deanne]

LESSON 13 Part Two (Additional scene)
Deanne’s Alternate Scene Structures

In my first draft of COVER BAND, I needed a teaser that stated the genre of the plot, so I wrote the following before I sent a draft of the complete plot to Barb Doyon of Extreme Screenwriting for “first look” coverage to determine if I was on the right track.

COVER BAND: First Complete Plot 02-23-23

EXT. BEHIND STAGE – NIGHT

Three flat acres of barren field, a stage dropped in the middle like a lost barge, eight feet tall and enough surface space for multiple tennis courts.

A handful of BAND ROADIES rush to plug in stacked amps and speakers, wire up drums and sound check mics with focused urgency as cars fill a distant area roped off for parking.

There are no stands for the audience, no stadium lights.

Behind the stage, parked band vehicles create a fortressed area around a ramp up to the stage.

On both sides of the ramp, a semi-truck is backed up to the stage rear skirt.

Two more are parked across the fronts of the first trucks, like turned-out feet at the ends of legs.

The BAND VAN blocks the opening between truck “heels,” its living section door facing the back of the stage.

Under the ramp, a garage-door gap in the skirt reveals only darkness…

On the ground, RODMAN (25) and RANDOM ROADIE (19) string electric cords to the ramp while the rumbling drone of a generator fills a truck. Random trips on an oversized hose that snakes under the stage.

RANDOM

This thing’s in the way.

RODMAN

Not your problem.

Random follows the hose to peer under the stage.

RANDOM ROADIE

What’s it for, anyway?

RODMAN

Stay off it! I’ve seen what happens.

But Random lingers.

RANDOM

Aren’t you curious?

Rodman hurries up the ramp, hands full of cord.

Banks of stage lights blast on. In the bright glare, a large shadow, like gaping jaws, emerges from under the stage. It moves toward Random.

His face contorts with terror.

Barb’s notes said the teaser needed work because the audience might not perceive such events at an entertainment venue to be out of the ordinary. The main thing, she advised, is that a teaser for a horror movie needs to show blood.

So I rewrote that opening scene as follows:

Cover Band Rewrite start 05-27-23

EXT. VENUE FOR FIRST CONCERT – NIGHT

Silent under darkness, a five-acre field surrounds a brightly-lit stage as high as a house with enough area for three tennis courts.

Several ROADIES rush to wire up mics and amps, every move magnified by a confusion of competing shadows.

A hundred feet in front of the stage, scruffy SOUNDER listens to headphones at a dimly-lit mixing board, flicking switches.

Beyond Sounder, at the field’s edge, headlights of the first fan cars turn into a marked-off parking area.

EXT. ALONGSIDE THE STAGE – NIGHT

A happy bit of canine fluff, tail wagging, sniffs along the base of the stage, his light-colored fur a pale cloud in the shadows. At the other end of a taut leash, JILL stumbles forward to keep up, under the influence of pre-concert celebration.

JILL

Come on, Muffy. Just pick a spot and go. I shoulda left you home.

Muffy pulls Jill around the stage’s rear corner

EXT. OUTSIDE OF TRUCK YARD BEHIND STAGE – NIGHT

A refrigerated truck, backed up to stage rear, blocks the way.

Light spilling from the stage shines on a sign posted on the truck’s cargo box personnel door.

Jill is curious, but Muffy is suddenly subdued, tail still.

Jill walks forward, tugging Muffy along until she can read the cheerful sign.

SIGN: Do you have a backstage pass? Wait here!

JILL

How do you get a backstage pass? Where are the roadies?

She looks around.

An eighteen-wheeler is backed across the front of the refrigerated truck.

Jill rounds the front of the eighteen-wheeler to find two large RV’s overlapping the rear of the eighteen-wheeler, parked side-by-side in opposite directions.

This “teaser” was too long and we hadn’t gotten to the blood yet, so I kept rewriting until reaching the current version:

Current Version registered 10-24-23

EXT. STAGE SURROUNDINGS – NIGHT

Dusty darkness blankets a barren field.

A STAGE dropped in the middle like a lost barge, self-lit,

high as a house with space for eight tennis courts.

Behind it, the Truck Yard, an area outlined by four semi-trucks and two RVs parked in a formation that blocks access to the rear of the stage, yet allows band equipment to be unloaded from the trailers.

From a bird’s-eye view, the trucks give the bright stage legs and out-turned feet illuminated by light spillover. The RVs provide a too-small podium for those feet.

A ramp from stage rear descends into the Truck Yard.

Below the ramp, an opening to darkness under the stage.

There are no stands for seating, no stadium lights.

All illumination comes from fixtures on the stage.

On stage, ROADIES rush to stack amps and speakers, wire up mics, connect cords.

In the middle of the fan area, SOUNDER, the scruffy soundman (40s), at a mixing board with headphones, checking feeds.

In the distance, headlights of the first cars turn into an area roped off for parking where local-hires direct traffic with flashlights.

A smattering of fans straggle toward the stage. One, a young woman in a fringed jacket, FRINGE, walks her small DOG on a leash. Her BOYFRIEND follows along, a roll of poop bags in hand.

EXT. BEHIND STAGE – OUTSIDE TRUCK YARD – NIGHT

Bright light spills from the stage, streams between truck cabs and trailers, edging deep shadows with spaces of light.

Fringe and Boyfriend follow Dog alongside the trucks.

FRINGE

C’mon Princess. Go already.

BOYFRIEND

Yeah, poop now or forever hold your pee. We should have left her home. My car won’t be safe.

FRINGE

It will if she goes now. And I take her out at intermission.

BOYFRIEND

Music’s gonna freak her out.

FRINGE

It won’t be any louder than at your place. She’s used to it.

A sign on the side door of a reefer trailer catches Fringe’s eye. She points.

FRINGE

Look! Think we could get in?

SIGN: Backstage Pass Holders Wait Here.

Dog snuffles under the truck, but stops and growls, then scoots out to dodge behind Fringe.

BOYFRIEND

So now you’re dating the lead guitar? When were you going to break it to me?

FRINGE

See anyone we could ask?

BOYFRIEND

They’d be in there. We’ve been all the way around. There’s no way past the trucks.

FRINGE

Mom’s right. You’ll never amount to anything with that attitude.

Fringe stoops to crawl under the truck, pulling Dog along. Dog pulls back, but gets dragged under anyway.

BOYFRIEND

I don’t think that’s allowed.

FRINGE (O.S.)

Come on. We’re going to get backstage passes. Right, Princess?

Boyfriend kicks a tire, then reluctantly stoops to follow.

BOYFRIEND

You’re going to land us in real trouble someday, you know?

Boyfriend disappears under the truck.

Muffled sounds of roadies on stage. Something pings a cymbal, scraping of amps pushed into place. Quick footsteps.

The dog’s gruff growl comes from beyond the truck.

Then barking. Frantic, terrified barking…

and shrill screams.

Screams in a duet of soprano and tenor.

Screams of helpless denial and dismemberment.

EXT. ON STAGE – NIGHT

The roadies onstage pause their work, throw furtive glances toward the truck yard, then hunch over and go back to work, not looking a each other.

EXT. RODEO GROUNDS – NIGHT

Head turned, CB (50s) listens intently to the distant screams. Flickering firelight makes him look like a cowboy on the lonesome prairie.

EXT. BEHIND STAGE – OUTSIDE TRUCK YARD – NIGHT

Dog streaks out from under the trailer, dragging the leash, new dark splotches on its fur.

Running faster than short legs should allow, it vanishes into the darkness across the field.

Now I’m finding this version is causing a plot problem as the Villain’s Plan is refined. So, it’s back to rewrites.

[Deanne]

Deanne’s Scene Ratings

What I learned doing this assignment is I need to learn how to “land” emotional moments and give the scares more impact. For the time being, I’m throwing page count out the window and will try to overwrite any moments with emotion, intrigue, or anticipation. Then I’ll have enough clay on the wheel I can scrape off the excess and focus on word choices that do more with fewer.

124 E 5 99 E 4 58 E 1 33 E 8 8 E 6
123 E 8 98 E 4 57 E 7 32 E 7 7 E 6
122 E 5 97 E 5 56 E 6 31 E 2 6 E 5
121 E 8 96 E 5 55 E 5 30 E 3 5 E 7
120 E 5 95 E 5 54 E 4 29 E 4 4 E 5
119 E 8 94 E 5 53 E 4 28 E 2 3 E 7
118 E 7 93 E 6 52 E 5 27 E 5 2 E 7
117 E 5 92 E 5 51 E 7 26 E 2 1 E 6
116 E 5 91 E 4 50 E 6 25 E 5

115 E 4 90 E 5 74 E 7 49 E 6 24 E 5
114 E 4 89 E 7 73 E 7 48 E 5 23 E 7
113 E 4 88 E 8 72 E 5 47 E 5 22 E 6
112 E 5 87 E 7 71 E 7 46 E 5 21 E 5
111 E 6 86 E 5 70 E 7 45 E 6 20 E 4
110 E 3 85 E 5 69 E 6 44 E 4 19 E 3
109 E 7 84 E 5 68 E 6 43 E 6 18 E 6
108 E 8 83 E 5 67 E 6 42 E 3 17 E 3
107 E 5 82 E 7 66 E 7 41 E 4 16 E 4
106 E 5 81 E 5 65 E 5 40 E 7 15 E 3
105 E 5 80 E 7 64 E 5 39 E 4 14 E 3

104 E 5 79 E 6 63 E 6 38 E 4 13 E 3
103 E 6 78 E 8 62 E 5 37 E 4 12 E 7
102 E 5 77 E 8 61 E 6 36 E 4 11 E 6
101 E 5 76 E 8 60 E 5 35 E 7 10 E 7
100 E 7 75 E 8 59 E 7 34 E 3 9 E 7

[Deanne]

Lesson 11

Deanne’s Outline to Script

What I learned = feedback is helpful to identify important plot details left out of the outline.

New scenes – 2 Changed scenes = 5

[Deanne]

BWTV AI MOD 1 LESSON 3

Deanne’s Engaging Main Characters

What I learned doing this assignment is, although I still prefer my versions of the main characters, AI can spark ideas for interesting twists.

Assignment 1 SUCCESSION main characters’ engaging profiles

A. Role in show =

Ø Kendall – the “good” son trying to do the responsible thing but never wins his dad’s approval

Ø Roman – the “irresponsible” son who doesn’t try to please, but is valued by his dad

B. Unique Purpose/Expertise =

Ø Kendall – got his MBA and paid dues in company’s Shanghi division, understands the numbers

Ø Roman – dedicated disrupter, Big Picture guy, screw the details and anything boring

C. Intrigue (secret beneath the surface) =

Ø Kendall – knows the company is headed in wrong direction and wants to save it

Ø Roman – has innovative ideas the elders won’t listen to

D. Moral Issues (what moral boundaries are they crossing?) =

Ø Kendall – willing to bend the rules for business deals

Ø Roman – willing to blow things up for giggles

E. Unpredictable (what will they do next?)

Ø Kendall – misreads situations and people, uses bluster that offends

Ø Roman – has emotional intelligence, but little empathy for others, likes toying with people

F. Empathetic (why do we care?) —

Ø Kendall – loves his father and wants to gain his approval

Ø Roman – loves his father and wants to gain his approval

Assignment 2 TRENDING LOCAL main characters’ engaging profiles (mine)

Show’s journey: from a more-or-less cohesive community to fragmented us-against-them cliques.

A. Role in show =

Ø Tandy — she’s the catalyst and/or nexus for the story-lines

Ø Dieter — an insider with an outsider’s world view, trigger for extremists

B. Unique Purpose/Expertise =

Ø Tandy – spent decades up to her ears in community’s business, knows everyone/history

Ø Dieter – black man’s perspective, knows students and parents, PhD in early education

C. Intrigue (secret beneath the surface) =

Ø Tandy – she’s a pre-nuptials black widow

Ø Dieter – needs to build a community where his kids will be safe

D. Moral Issues (what moral boundaries are they crossing?) =

Ø Tandy – expert at invasive species removal, considers some people to be invasive

Ø Dieter – may be willing to use military training to reach his goals

E. Unpredictable (what will they do next?)

Ø Tandy – is an expert at manipulating people, though her motives may be obscure

Ø Dieter – knows how to reach kids, which can be used as a means for revenge

F. Empathetic (why do we care?)

Ø Tandy – working for her version of the greater good

Ø Dieter – works for his kids’ future, has a lot of undeserved hostility piled on him

Assignment 3 TRENDING LOCAL main characters’ engaging profiles (AI version)

**Tandy Takuma:**

A. Role in the show: Tandy is a passionate community organizer and activist.

B. Unique Purpose/Expertise: She is a charismatic leader who excels at rallying people and organizing community events.

C. Intrigue: Beneath the surface, Tandy harbors a personal connection to a dark chapter in the town’s history that fuels her commitment to stopping the neo-Nazis.

D. Moral Issue: Tandy grapples with the moral dilemma of how far she’s willing to go to protect her town and confront the neo-Nazis, including whether she should resort to violence.

E. Unpredictable: Tandy’s actions are unpredictable, as she vacillates between peaceful activism and more aggressive tactics as the situation escalates.

F. Empathetic: We care about Tandy because of her personal connection to the town’s history, her determination to protect her community, and her internal struggle with her conscience.

**Dieter Jergens:**

A. Role in the show: Dieter is a former member of the neo-Nazi group who has left and is now working undercover to expose their activities.

B. Unique Purpose/Expertise: He is a valuable source of inside information on the neo-Nazis and their plans.

C. Intrigue: Beneath the surface, Dieter carries the guilt of his past actions and is haunted by the fear that his true identity will be discovered.

D. Moral Issue: Dieter grapples with the moral dilemma of atoning for his past and whether he can ever truly make amends for his prior actions.

E. Unpredictable: Dieter’s loyalties are uncertain, as he must balance his undercover work with his desire for redemption, making his actions unpredictable.

F. Empathetic: We care about Dieter because of his quest for redemption and the inner turmoil he faces as he tries to stop the neo-Nazis.

**Lee Roberts:**

A. Role in the show: Lee is the town’s sheriff, responsible for maintaining law and order.

B. Unique Purpose/Expertise: He is the key law enforcement figure and is committed to protecting the town from any threat.

C. Intrigue: Beneath the surface, Lee has a family secret that could be exploited by the neo-Nazis, putting his own family and career at risk.

D. Moral Issue: Lee grapples with the moral dilemma of how much he is willing to compromise his principles to safeguard his family and the town.

E. Unpredictable: Lee’s actions become unpredictable as he faces increasing pressure from both sides, which may lead him to make questionable decisions.

F. Empathetic: We care about Lee because of his commitment to his family and community, even if it means making morally challenging choices.

[Deanne]

BWTV AI, Mod 1 Lesson 2

Deanne’s Three Circles of Characters

What I learned: AI is capable of responding well to complicated prompts.

Part One: Character Circles for SUCCESSION

A. Main Characters Circle: Logan, Kendall, Roman, Shiv, Connor, Marcia, Greg, Lawrence

B. Connected Characters: Frank, Colin, Tom, Rava, Grace, Willa, kids, Mariann

C. Environment Circle: board members, executive assistants, publicists, lawyers, drivers, pilots, medical staff, household staff, news reporters, hospitality staff

Part Two: Character circles for TRENDING LOCAL

A. Main Characters Circle: Tandy Takuma, Dieter Jergens, Lee Roberts, Bronwen Cooper, Jorge Baltierra

B. Connected Characters Circle: Tandy’s daughter & grandkids, Dieter’s wife & kids, Lee’s missing Uncle Ned (RIP), Bronwen’s husband, Jorge’s family

C. Environment Circle: town council, school board/admin/staff, Lee’s cult mentors, Rotary Club, auto shop mechanics, environmental groups, store owners, repairmen/home services, high school and elementary school students

Main Characters Descriptions (Mine):

Tandy Takuma = retired registered dietician, opens a new café in town, her hobby is native-habitat restoration so she’s out and about when the café is closed, long-time member of Board of Supes and School Board.

Dieter Jergens = past four years as town’s elementary school principal, has a fourth-grader and a high schooler, one of the three or four black families in town

Lee Roberts = auto mechanic, born and raised here but for several years lived somewhere else where he was radicalized, now he’s moved back to run the auto shop belonging to his missing Uncle Ned

Bronwen Cooper = wife of Lee’s friend who listens hard to Lee’s rhetoric.

Jorge Baltierra = lives in another town with his family, but Jorge takes care of many yards in town. If anyone is going to figure out where bodies are buried, it’s Jorge.

THREE CIRCLES OF CHARACTERS GENERATED BY AI:

Certainly, here are three groups of characters for your TV series set in a small-town government and community, revolving around a drama involving a group of neo-Nazis trying to gain a foothold:

A. Main Characters:

1. **Sarah Reynolds**

– Unique Role: The determined and compassionate mayor of the small town.

– Secret or Intrigue: Sarah has a hidden past; she’s an undercover journalist investigating the neo-Nazi group, posing as the mayor to gather evidence.

2. **Mark Davis**

– Unique Role: A local high school history teacher and the de facto leader of the resistance against the neo-Nazis.

– Secret or Intrigue: Mark has a personal vendetta against the neo-Nazis, as his family suffered due to their influence in the past.

3. **Elena Rodriguez**

– Unique Role: A young, tech-savvy activist and the daughter of an immigrant family targeted by the neo-Nazis.

– Secret or Intrigue: Elena’s brother is unknowingly involved with the neo-Nazi group, which creates a moral dilemma for her.

B. Connected Characters:

4. **Thomas Carter**

– Role: The sympathetic police officer who helps the main characters with inside information on the neo-Nazis.

5. **Rebecca Stone**

– Role: A journalist and Sarah’s friend who assists in uncovering the truth about the neo-Nazis through investigative reporting.

6. **Liam Anderson**

– Role: A troubled teenager who joins the neo-Nazi group initially but later questions their beliefs, causing internal conflicts.

7. **Martha and Robert Johnson**

– Role: A retired couple who support the main characters’ efforts by providing a safe house for those fleeing the neo-Nazis.

C. Environment Characters (Job Titles):

1. Town Sheriff

2. Local School Principal

3. Town Council Members

4. Local Business Owners

5. High School Students

6. Waitstaff at the Town Diner

7. The local Pastor

8. Medical Clinic Staff

9. Town Librarian

10. Farmers and Agricultural Workers

These characters should provide a diverse and dynamic backdrop for your TV series, helping to create a rich and engaging drama within the small-town government and community setting.

Okay, this is spooky. Did Chatai Gupta read the Word document I used to record my characters, or have we both just drawn on clichés? (School principal, town diner, medical staff, high school student).
No matter. Chatai made an impressive effort, but I prefer my characters.

[Deanne]

BWTV / AI LESSON ONE

Deanne’s 5 Star Model for the Series SUCCESSION

What I learned from this lesson:
I watched the pilot three times and read the script for this episode, and still had difficulty pinpointing the basic plot points for that “light outline.” Then I remembered the Pro Rewrite lesson that taught me each major character can have a different breakdown of plot points when you look at the story from their point of view. That’s when I realized I was confused about plot points because this pilot has three intertwining plots: Logan’s need to pick a competent successor, the siblings jousting for power, and the business deal Kendall so desperately wants to close. To clarify things, I decided that, in the pilot, Logan’s need to know his successor is competent is Story A, the sibling’s ongoing competition is Story B, and buying Lawrence’s little company is story C. But Story C influences Story A by providing the Story A inciting incident: when Logan calls Kendall and learns his son still hasn’t closed the deal = Kendall isn’t CEO material so Logan needs to change plans.

Big Picture Hook = obscenely wealthy family members fighting for control of a global media conglomerate (echoes of EMPIRE and GAME OF THRONES)

Intriguing Characters =
Logan: high-powered media mogul facing the frailties of advancing age
Kendall: the dedicated son who is trying too hard to be someone he is not
Siblings, In-laws, and Relatives: a mix of selfish ambition, heartless cruelty, obsequiousness, and disgust

Empathy and Distress =
Logan: the man worked hard all his life to build his company. He doesn’t want it to fall apart when he fan no longer be in charge.
Kendall (Ken Doll, as in “fake man”): has worked hard to become the person he thinks his Dad wants him to be, but Logan doesn’t think Kendall has the ability to dominate other people he needs in order to helm the company

Open Loops =
Will Logan live? Will he be able to run the company? What happens to the trust since only one kid has signed it? Will cousin Greg stick around and get a foothold in the company?

Inviting Obsession =
Why does the daughter’s nickname sound like something a prisoner made out of a plastic fork? (Shiv) Does Roman really roam? Will Frank, the long-time lawyer Logan just fired, team up with Lawrence, the hostile new acquisition, and take over the company? Will Lawrence really eat all of Logan’s kids “one by one”? Will Marcy turn out to be the mastermind behind it all?

[Deanne]

My name is Deanne, working on script 8, and I’m taking this class because I want to be fluent in AI as it relates to screenwriting. SU courses: ProSeries 69, MSC12, BWTV5, and many shorter courses.

What’s unique about me? Well, I’m writing this with a stainless steel mixing bowl on my head. There is a rational explanation. Family moved in with me and I was having internet problems, so this week I signed up with a second internet provider to create my own private internet connection. My only option was wifi, and the modem must be in my room. No problem for 20 minutes, then I got a headache. Turn off wifi, headache goes away. Turn on wifi, it comes back. So, I asked my good friend, Chatty Gupta (aka AIgor), if there are substances that block wifi signals. With customary alacrity and efficiency, Chatty replied in five seconds with a list, and pegged reflective metal as the substance most likely to block signals. Thus, the mixing bowl. I would find this ridiculous and hilarious — but it works. Wifi is on, privacy secured, no headache. Stay tuned for more posts from . . . The Outer Limits!

[Deanne]

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I, Deanne E. Gwinn, agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Deanne]

Looking for feedback exchange. Outline is over 10 pages.

[Deanne]

Lesson 9: Deanne’s Fascinating Scene Outlines

What I learned = I’m relying heavily on mystery for the first act, then needed practically the entire list for the climax sequence in the third act.

Changes made =
1. I added some techniques to the list.
> Interesting actions (useful to avoid bland establishing shots while the protagonist takes the viewer on a quick tour of a main location, so they don’t get disoriented later)
> foreshadowing trouble/danger before actual danger has appeared
> presence of danger (major interest technique used in episodic TV drama, when all else fails, point a gun at someone’s head — I didn’t use guns)

2. I changed the sequence of a few scenes to create cliffhangers

3. made plans to draw out some action in order to create more suspense

4. rewrote some scenes’ POV to create superior position

[Deanne]

Lesson 8: Deanne Elevates lead characters.

What I learned = Spending time with a lead character to brainstorm actions they might take can bring ideas for new scenes and ways to develop characters during pivotal scenes.

Antagonist = I need to expand Slick’s on-screen time, including showing him in action when he is not in a direct confrontation with the protagonist. He needs time to display more of his despicable behaviors. I should also ask Slick to speak to Mel about showing up in two places at the same time; this plot does not contain a thread about time-distortions.

Protagonist = spend more script space on CB’s problem with maintaining long-term relationships, why they fail. Hint at why Zora could be his perfect match, but don’t plan a romantic interlude. This plot has no room for date nights.

[Deanne]

Deanne Solves Problems

What I learned = I’ve been neglecting the antagonist.

Regarding Major Conflict:
I’m having a problem with the injunction to have one clear major conflict from Turning Point One to the end. Does a mystery count as a major conflict? In Act One of COVER BAND, the protagonist and his buddy drift into a plan to go to Tucson. It’s a choice, not an imperative. Then circumstances make the protagonist pick a different destination. That’s the first step onto the path to the climax, so I figure that’s Turning Point One. However, the next few scenes establish three people traveling together amicably, so there is no clear conflict. Then one is seemingly kidnapped, and evidence surfaces that the band is hinky. Now two characters want to know if the third is okay, and the protagonist wants to figure out what’s going on with the band. That’s mystery, but is it conflict?

Regarding the need for a Strong Opening:
The teaser for this script establishes genre but did not contain the protagonist. I’ve added a glimpse of the protagonist that ties him to the opening action, but he is not involved in the action. The protagonist’s big introduction is in the following scenes. Could that introduction be considered the opening even though it follows a teaser?

Strong Ending:
The current draft of this script has a “Tchaikovsky Ending.” I’m trying to deal with too many loose ends at once. I need to tie up some of them earlier so the ending is more streamlined, giving it more impact.

[Deanne]

Lesson 6: Deanne’s Outline Improvements
What I learned = clarity on each lead character’s individual story line can be obtained outside of the outline and then plugged in piecemeal wherever appropriate.

A. Deliver on pitch: I got coverage from Coverfly on the current draft of my script to find out if I’m on track with the third act action sequence. My reviewer suggested changing te wording of the log-line from “burnt-out” rodeo manager to “restless” rodeo manager. After some thought, I’ve decided to use “discontented” rodeo manager for now.

B. Structure: I made plans to use more script space on underwritten plot points.

C. Genre: made plans to emphasize conventions and look for more opportunities to use jump scares for seasoning. (I think there are only two right now.)

D. Character actions: I reviewed to make sure characters aren’t acting out of character.

E. Character story lines: I added in a couple that were completely missing, and expanded another.

F. Plot clarity: I added a few brief scenes (no dialogue needed) to clarify movements of characters.

[Deanne]

Deanne’s Character Story Lines

What I learned = each character has their own perspective on events in the plot

1. CB (protagonist)

Beginning = CB notices some strange things about the band X-Zonu

Inciting Incident = CB ropes a guitar thief (Runner) and is confronted by Slick

TP1 = CB decides to drive Mel to meet the band so he can investigate

Midpoint = CB loses control of his RV, which traps him with the band

TP2 = After CB plans an escape, his friend gets collared

Dilemma = CB could escape but would be leaving Champ trapped. If CB stays, he runs the risk of being collared himself. How do they both get out without being killed?

Major Conflict = getting the monster back in the truck without being killed.

Ending = CB is in charge of the band, outwardly working for the aliens, but inwardly …

2. Rodman

Beginning = Rodman is a talented young musician who wants to join a rock band

Inciting Incident = Rodman gets a chance to join X-Zonu. His mom objects, so he walks out

TP1 = Rodman is collared and Slick makes him head roadie – a job Rodman hates

Dilemma = leave the band and get killed or stay in a job he hates

Major Conflict = do a job he hates well enough so he doesn’t get demoted to truck driver

Ending = Rodman ends up where he first wanted to be

3. Zora

Beginning: Janice Smith has a huge fight with her son, and he leaves home

Inciting Incident = Janice tracks her son to the band and he gives her a signal that all is not well

TP1 = Janice gets a roadie job from Slick so she can help Rodman escape

Midpoint: Slick puts her onstage as Zora to be an eye-candy musician

TP2 = CB and Champ join the band

Dilemma = Zora’s collar doesn’t lock so she could leave any time, but Rodman would still be trapped

Major Conflict = Zora has the position Rodman wanted, and she hasn’t figured out how to help him escape so she’s dealing with guilt

Ending = Her son is happy, Zora doesn’t need to pretend she likes being a rock musician. and she’s now working to save the world

4. Champ

Beginning = Champ attends a rodeo to fill time while waiting for his family to come home. His friend CB is the rodeo manager.

Inciting Incident = a road rqge incident leaves Champ with no transportation home, so he get a ride with CB

TP1 = CB decides they will drive Mel to the band

Midpoint = CB and Champ get trapped in the caravan

TP2 = Champ gets collared and can’t escape from the band

Major Conflict = get the monster contained before it eats everyone

Ending = Champ’s got a new career as rock star and is expecting his family to join him any day

5. Slick

Beginning = Slick was rubbing elbows with music royalty, on the verge of a big job promotion, when his lust for limelight and fame soured the deal and he got passed over. Out for revenge, Slick jumped at the chance to sell-out humanity when the aliens offered him this job.

Inciting Incident = Slick witnesses his lead musician plead for help from CB, prompting Slick to order lackey Mel to put a drone spot on CB’s RV so they can blow it up later.

TP1 = CB and Champ unknowingly get rid of the spot and show up to ask for a job from Slick

Midpoint = Slick collars champ but believes CB has already ditched the band

TP2 = Slick can’t get any fans to serve a bait for the monster, so he steals a horse

Major Conflict = the struggle to get the monster back into the reefer trailer with live bait

Ending = Slick has lost his position as band manager and has either been eaten or is trying to chase down his runaway RV

• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  Deanne Gwinn.

[Deanne]

Deanne’s Character Profiles
What I learned doing this assignment = There’s much about a character that must be left out because the script pages are needed to focus on what’s needed for the plot.

Character One = CB, (Cyril Beaugestonian)
Role = protagonist, chief investigator, plot-mover
Traits = responsible, perceptive, inquisitive, risk-averse
Want = a change in his routine
Need = to find a job that gives him a greater sense of purpose
Flaw = he’s attracted to chaos because he feels compelled to manage it, which is great for his career but disaster for relationships
Wound = an early attempt to manage a situation without adequate information resulted in a disaster
Secret = he’s attracted to Zora
Hidden Agenda = He wants to find out what’s going on with this band
Internal Dilemma = He’s risk-averse but must take risks to investigate the band
Why is he the best character for this role? Because CB has the experience, skills, and resources that enable him to handle the challenges, and his fish-out-of-water perspective gives him the ability to zero in on anomalies.

Character Two = Slick (Sloane Lichtmord)
Role = on-screen antagonist, the human interface with the aliens
Traits = a sell-out, narcissist, power-hungry, charming
Want = wealth, fame, power
Need = a good spanking
Flaw = unobservant and out-of-touch with humanity
Wound = got passed over for a major promotion, which fueled a desire to take his revenge on humanity so he jumped at the chance to collaborate with aliens
Secret = the aliens terrify him
Hidden Agenda = he’s after a piece of world domination (the northern hemisphere would suffice)
Internal Dilemma = he wants to be worshipped by the people he doesn’t love
External Dilemma = he wants his names on the band’s songs to get fan adulation, but when he’s onstage the band isn’t playing, so no applause

Character Three = Champ (Vernon Mackie)
Role= protagonist’s best friend and ally, road-trip companion, the guy CB talks to so he doesn’t need to talk to himself. The guy who asks questions so CB can provide answers.
Traits = dedicated family man, loyal, risk-taker, hot-headed
Want = to get out of this mess
Need = to be reunited with family
Flaw = at times he reacts without thinking things through
Wound = has PTSD triggered by earth tremors
Secret = the event that caused the PTSD
Hidden Agenda = wants to help CB find a lasting relationship
Internal Dilemma = taking risks is acting counter to his family’s best interests

Character Four = Zora (Janice Smith)
Role = represents the band members, a potential love-interest for CB
Traits = Momma Bear, clever, restless, falls into relationships too easily
Want = to help her son escape the band
Need = someone who can help her
Flaw = feels powerless
Wound = was trapped in an abusive relationship
Secret = her collar does not lock
Hidden Agenda = to dissolve the band
Internal Dilemma = she can either stick with the band to help her son escape, or she can leave and save herself

A. What parts of the profiles can be improved?
I added in improvements as I created these updated profiles.

B. How can characters fulfill their roles more effectively?
Script space could be used to expand on the possible relationship between CB and Zora.
Slick needs more screen time to demonstrate his traits.
CB and Slick should have more confrontation scenes before the third act.

[Deanne]

LESSON THREE: Deanne’s Genre Conventions

What I learned by doing this lesson = focus on elevating the major complications by using genre conventions

Title: COVER BAND
Genre: Horror-Comedy (comps = TREMORS and THE LOST BOYS)
Concept: After a burnt-out rodeo manager, CB, and his best friend CHAMP sign on as roadies for a rock band, they discover the band is a front for space aliens who are installing infrastructure in preparation for an invasion of Earth.

List of genre conventions for Horror:
Purpose: to give audience an experience of horror, aiming for hysteria
Isolation: alone, cut-off from help, and powerless against a villain or monster
Threat of Death: vulnerability to something dangerous.
Monster or Villain: some entity that can inflict terror and violence
Blood and gore: some think the more the better. I don’t.
High Tension: situations with high stakes, huge obstacles, little time. You get the idea.
Departure from Reality: Monsters and villains in horror movies rarely show up in real life
Moral Statement: a social message about acceptable behavior and what lines should not be crossed. (Those who violate these values are punished)? Or could it be said that, in a movie, the violation of those values is what creates the horror. It seems to me that in this genre in particular it’s usually the completely innocent characters that get slaughtered (punished) often for no reason other than entertainment.

Title: COVER BAND
Genre: Horror-Comedy
Concept: New roadies discover band is a front for aliens preparing to invade Earth
Main Conflict: How can they quit the job without getting killed?
Transformational Journey:
CB starts at “This isn’t my herd, so it is not my problem” and gets to “If I don’t save the world, who will?”

ACT-ONE (The Set-Up)
Opening: establishes genre with isolation, mystery, screams, and blood
Earliem versions of my script had a lackluster opening scene with Random Roadie spotting something scary under the stage coming for him, and he screams. (I wanted it short.)
But Random Roadie is in his usual environment and we don’t know him well enough to care.
I rewrote it for two band fans and their dog and added enough interaction to humanize them as they sneak into restricted territory (always a no-no in horror movies). There’s more screaming, and this time evidence of blood. If I could spend more script pages here, it would be in building more suspense before the blood is revealed.

Inciting Incident: Antagonist SLICK sees band musician plead with protagonist CB for help
My first intention was to slip SLICK into the plot through the background and give him a bigger introduction later, but realized the role would attract better actors if Slick makes a big splash the first time he appears. So now he’s a lot flashier and more sinister. The situation still needs work though, since watching people talk doesn’t rate as “high evil.” I don’t want him confronting CB yet, but he needs to do more than just stare with an evil expression.

Turning Pt. One: CB makes decision to drive a stowaway MEL to the band’s next concert and ask for a job. (His hidden agenda is to investigate strange things about the band.)
CB’s decision is made in a situation of wholesome normalcy. The horror conventions show up as he is actually investigating.

Act-TWO (The Confrontation)
New Plan = abandoning his plan to take a “busman’s holiday,” CB gets a job as horse patrol for the band so he can investigate

Plan in Action = CB takes opportunities to snoop and eavesdrop, quickly running into more than he bargained on, unsettling and scary things

Midpoint = CB loses control of his vehicle and is trapped into continuing with the band indefinitely. The horror convention employed here is loss of control due to the villain’s superior power (in the form of alien tech.)

Rethink: CB and his friend need to figure out how to quit this job without getting killed
They are up against an unknown power with an unknown agenda, but CB has heard enough to guess it involves the extinction of humanity by way of CO2 emissions. But what can CB do about it? he has a horse and a rope, not tanks and missiles.

New Plan: CB devises an escape plan, but it fails when a friend becomes a prisoner

Act Two Turning Pt.: CB’s horse is put in danger by the antagonist
Here’s where the real horror-convention horror makes its appearance. Never makes it to the stage to take a bow, though.

Act Three:
Climax = CB’s efforts to save his horse kick off an action sequence with CB and Champ fighting Slick while the horror-danger looms. When it looks like Slick has prevailed, CB turns out to have an ace up his sleeve.

Resolution: tying up many loose ends, CB’s new normal launches him into a life of greater purpose, but THE THREAT STILL REMAINS… refrigerated trucks are supposed to keep things cold, right?

[Deanne]

LESSON TWO: Deanne’s 4-Act Structure

What I learned = focus on the through-line (domino line)
Title: COVER BAND
Genre: Horror-Comedy
Concept: New roadies discover band is a front for aliens preparing to invade Earth
Main Conflict: How can they quit the job without getting killed?
Transformational Journey: from “This isn’t my herd, so it is not my problem” to “If we don’t save the world, who will?”
ACT-ONE (The Set-Up)
Opening: establishes genre with isolation, mystery, screams, and blood
Inciting Incident: Antagonist SLICK sees band musician plead with protagonist CB for help
Turning Pt. One: CB makes decision to drive a stowaway MEL to the band’s next concert and ask for a job. (His hidden agenda is to investigate strange things about the band.)
Act-TWO (The Confrontation)
New Plan = abandoning his plan to take a “busman’s holiday,” CB gets a job as horse patrol for the band so he can investigate
Plan in Action = CB takes opportunities to snoop and eavesdrop, quickly running into more than he bargained on
Midpoint = CB loses control of his vehicle and is trapped into continuing with the band indefinitely
Rethink: CB and his friend need to figure out how to quit this job without getting killed
New Plan: CB devises an escape plan, but it fails when a friend becomes a prisoner
Act Two Turning Pt.: CB’s horse is put in danger by the antagonist
Act Three:
Climax = CB’s efforts to save his horse kick off a sequence of action scenes with CB and Champ fighting Slick while danger looms. When it looks like Slick has prevailed, CB turns out to have an ace up his sleeve.
Resolution: tying up many loose ends, CB’s new normal launches him into a life of greater purpose, but THE THREAT STILL REMAINS…

[Deanne]

LESSON 1 Deanne’s Project Pitch

What I learned doing this assignment =
It’s much easier to create an outline for a story you’ve already thought through than to try to create the story during the outlining. Know the basic story before trying to pin down the pieces. (This script started with a short story I wrote over a decade ago.)

A. Genre = Horror-Comedy (comps = TREMORS, THE LOST BOYS)
B. Title = COVER BAND (working title)
C. High Concept: When a burnt-out rodeo manager signs up to be a roadie for a rock band, he discovers the band is a front for space aliens preparing to invade Earth.
D. Major Conflict = the leads must figure out how to quit the job and still survive.
E. Transformational Journey = the protagonist, CB, starts with the attitude “This isn’t my herd, so it’s not my problem” and ends up at “If I don’t save the world, who will?”
F. Opposition = the band manager, a human who is an alien-collaborator selling out humanity for personal gain

[Deanne]

Confidentiality Agreement
Name: Deanne E. Gwinn
I agree to the terms of the following release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Deanne]

Hi, I’m Deanne. Number of scripts? Let’s call it seven. My goal in this class is to elevate my current long-term project into a script that is highly marketable. My unique badge for the day is Zinnias: For the past four or five years I’ve grown scads of cactus-blossom zinnias (multiple colors/shapes) and kept the spent blossoms to shred for seeds. So now I have produce-boxes full of seeds I try to give away for free. Come on, people! These things are easy to grow, great for pollinators, bloom all summer, no detectable fragrance, and the deer and rabbits shun them. What’s not to like?

[Deanne]

SU: Action class, Lesson Two – Deanne’s Heros and Villians

Concept = After trucks from Ollie’s asphalt-paving business ignite a wildfire, Ollie must get home to rush his family out of harm’s way before the fire gets there.

Hero morally right = must save family

Villain morally wrong = wants Ollie’s business to burn down for karma
(he thinks the family already evacuated)

Hero:
A. unique skill set = familiar with local roads, good at math, can drive big machines
B. motivation = loves family
motive = to get family to safety
C. secret or wound = knows his business started the fire

Villain:
Unbeatable = knows not only the local roads, but also has intimate acquaintance with the rest of the terrain and is skilled at rock-climbing, tree-climbing
Plan/goal = prevent firefighters from saving Ollie’s business
Stakes = if Ollie’s business survive, more Paradise will be paved

Impossible Mission = get family out
Action = rough terrain, blocked roads, clunky vehicle

Makes Hero Go Beyond Normal = roads don’t work so build bridg, cear blocks, use RR tracks, ford river, etc.

Destroy Villain = Ollie cuts off his escape

If ______________, then how might __________________.

[Deanne]

Deanne’s Conventions

Highly skilled hero: an asphalt contractor, good at math, drives big vehicles, familiar with local roads and resources

Demand for action: wildfire his trucks started is approaching his house

Mission: save his family

Antagonist: climate doomer who hates the asphalt industry

Escalating action: increasing level of difficulty to overcome obstacles preventing hm from getting to his house.

What I learned: it’s the details of character interaction that will make this story interesting to me. Special effects — not so much.

[Deanne]

DEANNE’S CHARACTER SUBTEXT

What I learned = examining a character’s subtext helps sharpen the focus of character actions and dialogue.

Step 1: Type of character subtext.

CORA: con

Surface layer = clueless target of emotional abuse

Subtext = shrewd observer who’s thinking “I’m on to you, but let’s have some fun with this.”

ANDREA: ironic

Surface layer = A warm and caring psychologist who only wants the best for her clients.

Subtext = A malignant narcissist with a guilty secret, driven to prove she’s perfect and better than anyone else at everything. She hates to see anyone else succeed at anything.

BELLE: criminal

Surface layer = cheerful trend-setting socialite and realtor

Subtext = shameless thief who steals for the thrill of it

Step 2: What are they trying to hide?

CORA: At first she’s hiding a feeling she’s helpless to stop her continuing bad luck. Then she’s covering up a con.

ANDREA: She’s hiding involvement in a long-ago lethal event, the fact she isn’t the perfect, caring, trustworthy person she pretends to be, and that she’s gaslighting Cora.

BELLE: She’s hiding the fact she has no empathy for other people and is blackmailing Trudy to get her assistance in gaslighting Cora.

Step 3: How do they cover that subtext?

CORA: pretends to be clueless to what Andrea and Belle are doing, while diverting attention to other things

ANDREA: disguises her malevolence with a show of caring concern weighted with the authority of her professional knowledge.

BELLE: does things behind people’s backs and lies to their face

Sentences on how character subtexts show up:

CORA: after Cora discovers what Andrea has been doing, she continues to act clueless while laying the groundwork for a con designed to take down Andrea.

ANDREA: In order to keep her imperfections and guilt hidden, Andrea has been gaslighting Cora (her Achilles heel) for years. However, changing circumstances threaten to expose Andrea’s secrets, so she plots to get rid of Cora while pretending to be looking out for Cora’s best interests.

BELLE: Recognizing her therapist, Andrea, as a comrade in criminal behavior, Belle is delighted to help skewer Cora by assisting in the gaslighting because it might give her opportunities to steal stuff. Belle does not comprehend that Andrea’s motives might be based on something more than material greed and the thrill of stealing stuff.

[Deanne]

Deanne’s Subtext Environments

What I learned = budget considerations aside, locations can be chosen for their ability to reinforce the plot’s inner workings.

2A. Protagonist’s house:

The protagonist recently purchased the house from her great-uncle.
Included in the deal was the promise to help him sort and distribute the accumulated belongings of a lifetime.
The house is also where a major cover-up occurred years ago.

> Where past and present co-exist.
> Where the protagonist is trying to make room for her new life, but can’t succeed until the past is cleared out.
> Where the baggage of the past is being sorted and identified.
> Where the protagonist is working to take control of her present.
> Where the cover-up is literally uncovered.

2B. Regional park:

This setting is used during a public event.

> The public commons, a place of civility and community, is the scene of a long-ago crime.
> When the antagonist takes an unsanctioned route through the park, she’s shown to be a cheater.
> For the powere dynamic between the protagonist and antagonist, this is neutral territory where the wider community can chose sides and influence the outcome.

[Deanne]

Title: WHEN RATS BE FAMILIAR

Genre: Dramedy

Lesson 1: Plot Subtext

What I learned = by identifying the major beats of the subtext plot, it’s easier to find gaps in the information that needs to be included for the subtext plot to work.

1. In an attempt to stop Andrea’s long habit of sabotaging Cora’s life, Cora uncovers the underlying secret that is Andrea’s motive and makes a plan to scare Andrea into confessing.

2. In the process, we learn Andrea routinely mistreats other people while pretending to help them.

3. Although Cora’s initial plan fails and all seems to be lost, she tries again to outwit Andrea in a bid to save her brother’s self-esteem. This time other people with grievances against Andrea bring plans of their own to piggyback on Cora’s plan.

4. The plans intertwine into a karmic disaster that liberates Cora and her brother.

[Deanne]

LESSON 9 Keep It Low Budget

Deanne’s Budget

What I learned = it’s a lot more fun to add costs than to cut them out. It’s easy to fall into clichés with both approaches. Some big expenses are easy to avoid, others need some creative thinking.

1. Decreasing the Costs

MAIN VARIABLES

Number of Locations = Have lead get information via email/text/phone rather than face-to-face meetings with boss, banker, lawyer, etc. Create sidekick we never meet because she’s in a different state. Lead confides in her by text.

Expensive Locations = eliminate scenes in marina or foreign ports

Number of Characters = nine piece band can become a trio

Special Effects = no pyrotechnics, no destruction of property

Pages = aim for ninety

Crowds/extras = stay away from public locations

Stunts, fights, chase, dance: write action sequences the actors can choreograph for themselves.

Special sets = use already constructed sets (built environment), focus on things you an rent and return. Keep special things deliberately hokey and home-made.

SECONDARY VARIABLES

> Rights: don’t write in elements that need permission

> Guns and Bombs: don’t use them even if they are on set as props

> Kids: over 18 or limit number of scenes they appear in (noise OS)

> Animals: none on screen

> Weather: nothing special

> Water scenes: none

> Night scenes: only in locations already in use (like rooms)

> Aerial vehicles and shots: none in this project

> Green screen work: none in this project

> Extensive make-up: use concealing clothing, wigs instead

> Archival footage: just for generic stuff (not historical events/places)

> Anything dangerous or requiring extensive prep/insurance:

HIGHER BUDGET

MAIN VARIABLES

> Locations: add scene on with boat on the sea, VA campus, bank

> Expensive Locations: port in Puerto Rico

> Characters: twelve member jazz band, on-screen sidekick, crowd of high school kids

> Special Effects: invasion of insects

> Pages: increase number of failed schemes to bump page count

> Crowd scenes: scenes where lead is fighting city congestion

> Stunts/fights: someone slips on roof and almost falls off

Fight between renter and co-lead

> Special sets = construct the studio apt and house to director’s needs and move more scenes there

SECONDARY VARIABLES

> Rights to music/brands/etc = use well-known jazz

> Explosions and Guns: guns get fired in target practice/demonstration, a scheme causes an accidental fire

> Kids: a lot more are around

> Animals: include a pet that causes problems

> Weather: rain hampers a scheme and sailing

> Water and underwater: storm damages boat

> Night scenes: most scheme set-up is at night

> Aerial views: maybe a drone one of the kids brings

> Green screen: rooftop?

> Make-up: co-lead goes into extensive disguise

> Archival footage: shots of foreign ports

> Anything dangerous: Construction on boat shown

[Deanne]

LESSON 8 Use Hope/Fear to Create Emotional Moments

Deanne Writes Great Hope/Fear!

What I learned = Looking for hope/fear moments can prompt a reevaluation of the plot structure. Sometimes flipping the hope/fear to fear/hope works better for the plot.

The movie THE NEXT THREE DAYS has good examples how set-ups planted early in the plot can create hope/fear moments later on (it looks like they’re getting away, but the cops just found that bag of evidence…)

[Deanne]

Lesson 7 Structure for a Containment Movie

Deanne’s 4-Act Structure

What I learned = creating a 4-Act basic-elements first draft focused on the central conflict provides a task plan with achievable goals (the turning points.) It isn’t about getting from A to Z. It’s A to B, then B to C, etc., without worrying yet how it will all be expressed visually. Details of action and dialogue that float to the surface during the process can be noted on cards and stockpiled for later reference.

[Deanne]

LESSON 6 The Structure of Layers

Deanne’s Delivering Multiple Layers!

What I learned = this process is a good way to reveal which concepts have enough layers to make a good contained movie, and which need to be rethought to make them stronger.

[Deanne]

LESSON 5 The Character Journey

Deanne’s Character Journeys!

What I learned = Keeping the character’s journey related to the central conflict can sometimes be a problem, other times it adds to the plot. These differing journeys can provide opportunities to add dialogue subtext that refers to pre-existing character conflicts and events, giving a sense of the backstory without adding a lot of exposition.

[Deanne]

LESSON 4 Discovering Character Depth

Deanne’s Character Depth!

What I learned = Characters are endlessly fascinating, but they really shine when two or more characters with conflicting agendas and traits are thrown together. Finding reasons for the way they got their traits (backstory) can also help determine how they will act in a plot situation.

[Deanne]

LESSON 3 Finding the Right Characters for This Story

Deanne’s Right Characters!

What I learned = traits that make a character “right” for a concept include those that will help them meet the challenges at hand, even if they need to draw on inner strengths they’ve never used much before.

These characters are the right ones for the story because:

1. Protagonist: her natural traits and personality make the plan she comes up with an odd fit, which creates clumsiness-induced conflict and opportunities for humor. But she has the perseverance to follow through and find her way to success.

Antagonist: her surface appearance contrasts starkly with who she really is. That creates layers, subtext, intrigue. The close relationship between protagonist and antagonist adds the dimension of family dynamics to the conflict.

2. Protagonist: her life situation sets her up as ripe for Rom Com. Her profession makes her credible as a person who could take charge of the situation. She knows how to cut through the crap. She also has a compelling reason to pursue her goal. But things really get going when her sense of social justice calls for action.

Antagonist: This person who at first seems like an unworthy interloper who has shown up to overturn the apple cart is slowly revealed as a sympathetic character who can join forces with the protagonist after the real villain is revealed.

3. Protagonist: he has surprising skills, experience, and resources from a career in a different field, along with the creativity to employ those skills to solve the problem in this situation.

Antagonist: resources and strengths are largely unknown in the beginning, making it easy to imagine an overwhelming force.

4. Protagonist: her central identity can make it difficult to work with strangers, but now she’s called upon as the only one who can help several strangers out of dire circumstances.

Antagonist: remains largely faceless for most of the story, but is revealed as the human apex of inhuman greed.

5. Protagonist: a man who knows he needs to change something about his personality before life swallows him up completely. This crucible is the oven that bakes the hard shell he needs.

Antagonist: mystery surrounds those who seem to be a potential enemy. But the protagonist’s real enemy isn’t even there.

[Deanne]

LESSON 2 High Concept

Deanne’s Great Hook!

How this process worked for me = It works well, helping me to keep things simple and on track instead of letting an intruding storyline run away with the process without regard to its compatibility with the requirements.

What I learned = Thinking about the elements of a concept as discrete units helps other possibilities to emerge. I also learned I have difficulty distinguishing between “mysteries” and “layers.” For now I’ll define them as “A plot mystery is hidden information that creates the need for the plot” while layers are the various ways the plot mystery is kept hidden.

[Deanne]

LESSON 1 Keys to a Great Contained Movie

Deanne’s Guidelines for THE TRUTH ABOUT CATS AND DOGS

What I learned = Elements of a movie I never paid much attention to before can have an impact on COVID guideline compatibility. While designing the movie it’s important to keep in mind how many people will be involved in the production of each scene, including cast, crew, specialists (stunts/animal wranglers/explosives experts/fight choreographers/stand-ins/dialect coaches, etc.)

1. a. Select Project From Ideas: (All of above, in that order.)

b. Report on experience of evaluating them re COVID guidelines:

All are contained in one way or another, but the “all in one room” settings seem like they’d create a claustrophobic, “talky” atmosphere. Good for crucibles, but low on opportunity for expansive action. All can be accomplished with a limited number of (or no) extras, though some may require slight-of-hand in some scenes to create the illusion of a larger population. The recent new episodes of cop shows on TV give some ideas how that can be done. Of my five concepts, two would be stunt heavy. One would employ the claustrophobic setting to enhance plot, but this one gives me the vibe of a stage play that’s dialogue heavy.

2. Adjust a produced movie to make it contained.

Title = THE TRUTH ABOUT CATS AND DOGS

AS THEY DID IT

a. people – three leads, one sidekick

b. stunts – dog on roller skates, “Abby” on roller skates, clumsy ogler on bike

c. extras – sound booth, dept store, photo studio, bar/restaurants, office building/elevator, sidewalk, park, movie set

d. wardrobe – casual for leads except Noelle on movie set, business people in suits (extras)

e. hair and makeup – average, nothing particularly notable

f. kids and animals – one child in one scene (lines), one well-trained dog that does tricks, two cats, turtle

g. quarantine – extras used to create atmosphere of city but no dense crowds outside of elevator.

COVID GUIDELINE VERSION

a. people – cut sound booth crew to one, put two people instead of ten in elevator that closes before Abby gets there and have her take the stairs instead,

b. stunts – cut out the bike stunt

c. extras – reduce number in all scenes, relocate make-up counter so extras aren’t needed in background, have leads meet in less populated areas (juice bar instead of night club?), have Jamie Foxx bring turtle for his daughter and eliminate scenes with kid,

d. wardrobe okay except for Noelle on movie set (change that scene to her trailer as she’s applying her own makeup)

e. okay as is

f. kids and animals: eliminate the kid.

g. quarantine – relocate scenes in bars/restaurants, eliminate elevator, reduce number of extras on sidewalks

[Deanne]

Hi everyone. I’m Deanne. I’ve been working on the lessons, and figured I’d better get this new website figured out and post something. Number of scripts written = several, but I prefer to think of it in terms of projects in progress (about ten?) because the scripts always need more work and some have gone through from-the-ground-up major revisions. It’s like having a lot of pots of stews simmering on the stove in various stages of doneness. When I think one’s ready to serve, I taste it and realize it’s missing an ingredient. I need to learn how to follow recipes better. What I hope to get out of this class is a well-spiced stew that is ready to serve.

Something unique about me? I hate to cook, so don’t take the above metaphor too seriously.

[Deanne]

Hi James! Glad to see you in the class. I haven’t been on Facebook this past year because my account was locked for unspecified “suspicious activity” and can’t be unlocked unless I upload my driver’s license. I think it’s ransomware. Anyway, I hope things have been going well for you.

[Deanne]

I can’t even find a Mod 1 Lesson 4, 5, 6, or 7 on the course list — there are some analyses of produced series, then Mod 1 Lesson 8. Same for you?

[Deanne]

Hi Zenna, that would be great. A couple caveats:
1) my outline is long, over 30 pages. Too much detail, but I don’t think at this point I would get much value from feedback on just the Big Picture stuff. I’m looking for feedback on whether the story makes sense or if anything is confusing.
2) I won’t be able to work on feedback for you until Saturday evening, so it won’t be quick turnaround.
If you are okay with that, mail your pdf to degscripts@gmail.com and send a quick note to my not-as-secure email address salistas11@hotmail.com to let me know you sent it. 🙂

[Deanne]

Good question, Zenna. I’ve been looking for opportunities to include hints and bits of character backstories in dialogue without regard to the backstory’s chronological order, comments a character might make that give a nod to past events that shaped their perspective.

Like “Yeah, I knew he was really interested in rock bands and wanted to join one. I just didn’t realize how much he wanted it.”

[Deanne]

Thanks!

[Deanne]

I’d use the term “gaslighting,” mainly because for me “brainwashing” conjures images of prisoners under bright lights being forced to watch endless streams of photos — or that type of thing. And “psychologically abusing” takes too long to say. I’d stumble over it during a pitch. Maybe try it out loud a few times and see which works best for you.

[Deanne]

Zenna, go to your classes page, get into Lesson 3 and scroll down. Immediately under the example “conventions” page, there is tiny red type you can click on to download the complete info on conventions.