[Demethress Davis]

Demethress’ Character Story Beats

What I learned doing this assignment is… it was a good way to check your characters arcs, if they have them, and see if your character traits match their stories.

Protagonist: Henry Carpenter <div>

Antagonist: Lillian Castle

Connecting character:Jewel Silver

<div>

Supporting character for Protagonist: Sam Hicks

Supporting character for Antagonist: Paul Poole

Henry’s Story Beats:

1. Henry has an accident and loses his job; Black couple killed and dumped in The Devil’s PunchBowl. </div>

2. He moves to Almeda, GA and lives on the streets begging for food and shelter.

3. Henry meets Lillian the town’s Good Samaritan.

4.Henry hears cries for help in the backwoods of Lillian’s house.

5. Henry meets the neighbors, Sam, Jewel and Paul.

6. Henry falls from the roof and hurts himself.

7. Henry witnesses a murder.

8 Henry asks Jewel who is Lillian, really?

9. Henry attends the wake of a neighbor.

10. Henry is told by Sam to get away before he loses his life, before he can say get away from who, Lillian and Jewel arrive.

11. Henry is kidnapped by the KKK, but escapes.

12. Henry loses an eye.

13. Henry is drugged by Jewel and taken to Lillian.

14. Henry is freed by Jewel.
Henry is ambushed by Lillian and her henchmen and taken to The Devil’s PunchBowl.

16. Henry tells his story of overcoming his guilt and returns to NY to see his son.

<div>

The improvements/changes I will make are introducing more about the history of The Devil’s PunchBowl and how it is related to Henry’s family. Also, more screens showing Henry’s guilt over losing his wife and son in a coma; and fighting but losing the battle of his addiction because of it.

Beginning:Henry has an accident-looses his wife and son is in a coma; leaves NY, meets Lillian, the town’s Good Samaritan.

Middle:Henry discovers Lillian is a White Supremacist and sets out to stop her killing spree.

End: Henry is ambushed by Lillian, rescued by Jewel, who betrayed him. He tells Jewel he will be waiting for her when she comes out of prison and returns to NYC to see his son just out of a coma.

Lillian’s Story Beats:

1. Lillian invites Henry to live in her house in exchange for room and board he will fix things around the house and for the neighbors. </div><div>

2. Lillian watches Henry as he sleeps.

3. She enlists her neighbors to keep an eye on Henry.

4. She lies to Henry about a locked room.

5. Lillian holds a party for former boarders.

6. Lillian is questioned by the local police about the death of her neighbor.

7. Lillian makes a phone call demanding the death of Paul.

8. Lillian invades Henry’s room and finds evidence of his addictions.

9. Lillian kidnaps Henry and two others.

10. Lillian questioned again by detectives; she lies again.

11. Lillian sabotages the area where she asks Henry to fix in the attic.

12. Lillian solicits Jewel’s help.

13. Lillian ambushes Henry; takes him to The Devil’s PunchBowl where she learns she us Black; they fight and she dies.

The improvements/changes I will make screens showing Lillian’s hold on people in the town; Lillian’s hiding her past, Lillian’s denial of her true identity.

Beginning:Lillian, acting as the town’s Good Samaritan invites Henry into her home.

Middle:Lillian is set a trap for Henry hoping to put him in his place, show him who is boss.

End: Lillian and Henry fight and she learns of her true identity; she dies by her own hand.

Jewel’s Story Beats:

1. Jewel meets Henry. </div>

2. Jewel spies on Henry.

<div>

3. Jewel causes Henry’s accident, makes up by making him lunch for a week.

4. Jewel confides in Henry, talks about her childhood.

5. Jewel helps Henry; gets key to locked room in Lillian’s house.

6. Jewel and Henry’s relationship grows closer.

7. Jewel invites Henry over for dinner, drugs him.

8. Jewel knocks Lillian out; saves Henry.

9. Jewel goes with Henry to The Devil’s PunchBowl to find anyone alive.

10. Jewel gets FBI, rescues Henry.

11. Jewel goes to prison.

The improvements/changes I will make is to include screens where Jewel fights with herself over her fear of Lillian and her undying loyalty to her; Jewel’s growing attention to Henry and the inner conflict it causes her; Jewel struggle to be in control of her life.

Beginning:Jewel meets Henry; causes him to fall off at the roof and hurt himself.

Middle: Jewel gets a key to locked room for Henry.

End: Jewel betrays Henry’s friendship, saves him from Lillian and goes to prison for her role in aiding and abetting.

Sam’s Story Beats:

1. Sam meets Henry. </div><div>

2. Sam tells Lillian he wants out.

3. Sam tells Henry to get out while he still has a chance.

4. Sam disappears.

The improvements/changes I will make is to show Sam’s change of heart after being a part of a horrific killing.

Beginning: Sam meets Henry questions why he came to same town of Almeda, GA.

Middle: Sam tells Henry to leave while he still has his life.

End: Sam dies.

Paul’s Story Beats:

1. Paul meets Henry; questions why Henry came to Almeda, GA. </div>

2. Paul and Lillian kill a neighbor.

3. Paul is questioned by police about the death of a neighbor.

4. Paul tells Lillian he wants her position.

5.Paul disappears.

6. Paul is found in The Devil’s PunchBowl and rescued by Henry and Jewel.

<div>

The improvements/changes I will make is to show how Paul intends to undermine Lillian’s role as head of the town’s KKK chapter by promising positions to other members who want her gone.

Beginning: Paul meets Henry, questions why he is in Almeda, GA

Middle:Paul confronts Lillian, he wants her to retire, she’s getting old he can take over leadership of KKK chapter from now on.

End: Paul disappears, and later found in the Devil’s PunchBowl and rescued by Henry and Jewel.

</div></div>

[Demethress Davis]

Hello Fellow Screenwriters…this is a call for a partner…I think my partner has dropped out and I would like very much to work with someone who would not mind a second partner. Please let me know. Thank you, Demethress

[Demethress Davis]

Demethress’ Character Profiles

What I learned doing this assignment is…character’s change and I am discovering new traits as I am doing each of these assignments. Reinforcing that things are set in stone.

LogLine: Henry, a light-skinned Black man is taken in by the town’s Good Samaritan. When Henry discovers that she is a White Supremacist intent on killing as many Black people she can, Henry must overcome his own demons before he can stop her.

CHARACTER #1- HENRY CARPENTER

REQUIRED:

Role in the story: Protagonist

Core Character Traits (no more than five):

Lacks self confidence

Secretive

Persistent

Fearless

Inquisitive

Character Subtext Logline: Henry must overcome his feelings of inadequacy to regain his identity and save his life.

OPTIONAL:

Flaws: He lets the guilt of his part in the death of his wife stop him from being the best he can be.

Want: To prove he is worthy of having the things he desires.

Need: To overcome his demons and stop Lillian’s crime spree.

Mission/Agenda: To overcome

his guilt and stop the killing spree of a White supremacist.

Character Arc From Passive to Aggressive

CHARACTER #2- LILLIAN CANTOR

REQUIRED:

Role in the Story: Antagonist

Core Character Traits:

Friendly

Selfish

Vicious

Spiteful

Masked

Character Subtext Logline: Lillian hides behind her “Good Samaritan” persona in order carry out her vicious White Supremacist ideology.

OPTIONAL:

Flaw: Lillian regrets not having a real childhood; always lived in her father’s shadow who was the head of the KKK in her town.

Want: To kill as many people of color as she can.

Need: To prove she, as a woman is worthy to become the Leader of the KKK chapter in the county.

CHARACTER #3 JEWEL SIMPSON

REQUIRED:

Role in the story: Supporting Character

Core Character Traits (no more than five):

Sensitive

Loyal

Apprehensive

Shy

Guarded

Character Subtext Logline: Jewel, a neighbor, hides behind her shyness in order to stay alive.

OPTIONAL:

Want: To show she can be trusted

Need: To step outside her shell and take control of her life.

Mission/Agenda: To break Lillian’s hold on her life and do the right thing.

Character Arc: From Shy to Empowered

• This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by  Demethress Davis.

[Demethress Davis]

Demethress’ STORY BEATS

What I learned is that I have a lot of work to do. I have ideas on what can improve all my scenes but I don’t want to fall behind so will make them as we move along. I am putting the changes underneath the Scenes to save space – if you read the numbers scenes first then come back to the top and read the changes for the second beat version. I realized I wasn’t writing the ESSENCE of each sense so that was the first change. Nothing is set in stone.

TITLE: THE DEVIL’S PUNCHBOWL

1.EXT. WOODS -DAY

A bulldozer finishes digging a hole in the backwoods.

CHANGE: A Black man and woman, naked, are whipped to unconsciousness. Henry arrives in Alemeda.

2.INT. CHURCH BASEMENT -BATHROOM-DAY

Henry, a homeless Black man, looks at a packet of white powder; returns it to a metal container; put into his pocket. He exits the room and enters the AA meeting.

One night, Henry tells the group, four years ago, he was drunk and high on cocaine. He insisted on driving his wife and son to the movies. There was a car accident and he is the only survivor.

CHANGE: Henry fights off his demons.

3.EXT. STREET – DAY

People pass by Henry as he sits on the hot sidewalk; with a sign that reads: WILL WORK FOR FOOD. Some toss him money, some look on him with distain. Lillian, a community leader, stops and offers him an opportunity to work doing repairs for food and shelter. A young Black boy wearing a brown backpack waves at Henry as he rides by on his bike.

CHANGE: Henry meets Lillian who offers him room and board.

4.INT. LILLIAN’S HOUSE- NIGHT

Henry awaken by a boy screaming. He goes into the den to see Lillian is watching a horror movie. Convinced that is what he saw he returns to bed. Lillian goes to the window looks out at the backwoods.

CHANGE: Henry witnesses the death of a young Black man by the KKK.

5.EXT. BACKWOODS- SAME

Two people are carrying someone wrapped in a sheet into the backwoods. The person is struggling. Suddenly the body is dropping into a deep ditch. Dirt is poured over the body. Who was this person? What had he/she done?

6.EXT. LILLIAN’S HOUSE- AFTERNOON

Henry and Lillian eat breakfast; listen to breaking news of a missing black boy. He was last seen riding his bike down

Greene Street. Reports that he may have been abducted by members of the Aryan Nation have not been confirmed.

Henry is working in the garden, he feels eyes boring into his back but when he looks around, no one is there. What he doesn’t see is Jewel, a shy neighbor hiding behind the oak tree. She is spying on him. Why?

CHANGE: Henry is at the local library and senses someone is watching him…why?

7.EXT. TOWN SQUARE- AFTERNOON

Black Lives Matter Protesters host a rally outside City Hall to demand Police Reform against the violence and demand Equal Rights to Black and Brown people in the wake of the murder by police of George Floyd.

8.INT. LILLIAN’S BACK YARD- AFTERNOON

Lillian hosts a party for past boarders. They all give Lillian high praise for caring for them and turning their lives around. Everyone has some part of their bodies missing. Henry makes a joke about the missing body parts on just about everyone. He asks if they all are diabetics. A former boarder lies and says most of them do; due to alcohol & drug use, their health was poor.

Henry notices only sugar-free food and assumes they must all have diabetes. He meets Jewel, the shy neighbor who says Lillian has been someone who has helped Black people in the community and beyond get back on their feet.

He meets Paul, a neighbor who is carrying a brown backpack, like the one the young Black boy on the bike had. Paul says Lillian has been doing playing the “Good Samaritan“ for years and she needs a vacation. Anyone can take over her work for her, he would do it in a heartbeat but she’s stubborn.

CHANGE: Henry visits local library and discovers his great-great grandfather lived in Alemeda, GA. He learns of The Devil’s Punchbowl and that Lillian’s ancestors were members of the KKK.

9.INT. FUNERAL HOME- EVENING

Cicely lies in a casket as members of the community pay their respects. Henry listens as mourners weep and opine about how she was a kind person and how could she be dead.

As he kneels at the casket, he touches Cicely’s gloved hand and realizes she is missing fingers. He knew her, she always said hello and gave him a dollar when passing him on the street; but he never noticed that she was missing fingers on one hand. She had a smile that always caught his attention.

As he leaves the funeral home, he hears whispers of how Cicely should never had crossed Lillian. “She’s the devil.”

CHANGE: Henry gets his first taste of what some town’s people think of Lillian.

10.INT. POLICE STATION- AFTERNOON

Police questioned Lillian about the last time she saw Cicely. Lillian has slight tickle in her throat; says when she and Paul left her, she went to Sam’s house.

She doesn’t know where Paul went.

END OF ACT 1

11.EXT. BACKWOODS- NIGHT

Four struggling bodies wrapped in blankets are tossed into large pit and covered with dirt. Men in white robes and hoods sit around the pit smoking, joking about how Black lives matter and eating chicken.

12.INT. PAUL’S HOUSE- AFTERNOON

Police question Paul about the last time he saw Cicely. He says he went directly home, but thought he left an important paperwork. He called Cicely, but she didn’t answer and he remembered she was going to walk her dogs. So he called Lillian and then he found the paperwork. Paul said he remembers the exact time because his dog was barking when he made the call. It was 10:30pm.

Police were taken aback as Lillian hadn’t mentioned that she spoke with Paul after leaving Cicely‘s house.

CHANGE: Police question Paul about the death of Cicely. Paul lies.

13.INT. SAM’S GARAGE – LATE AFTERNOON

Sam, a neighbor who lives across the street from Lillian cries out in pain. Henry is working in the front yard doing some landscaping for him, he rushes to his aide. Sam has hurt himself while cutting a piece of wood. Before Sam falls unconscious, he whispers to Henry to leave while he still has his all his body parts; his life is in danger if he stays.

Henry thinks he sees a confederate flag amongst the clutter in Sam’s garage.

CHANGE: Sam, the neighbor has an accident, Henry comes to his aid. Sam tells him to get out while he can.

14.EXT. LILLIAN’S HOUSE- LATE AFTERNOON

Henry is doing repairs on the roof when he distracted by Jewel; she is wearing tight pants that accentuate her big behind for a White woman. She walks slowly by the house. She turns and smiles, her gapped teeth reminded him of Chaucer’s Wife of Bathe. Henry waves back and in following her he leans back too much and falls off the roof.

CHANGE: Distracted by Jewel, Henry falls off the roof. Jewel feels responsible and a bond is formed.

15. INT. HOSPITAL – EVENING

Sam watches TV. Breaking news: Sam Newton, believed to be a member of the Aryan Nation, was arrested today. A video has surfaced showing him deliberately pushing Leslie Johnson and dragging him into an alleyway on the day of his disappearance.

Lillian visits Sam. Sam says he is tired of the life he is living and wants to make changes. Lillian says it’s his decision to make, as long as he accepts the consequences behind whatever decision he makes. Sam feels threatened. Why? What life does he lead? What consequences is Lillian talking about?

CHANGE: Sam tells Lillian he wants out of the KKK. Lillian tells him he can leave anytime he wants. Sam is scared; unsure how long he will be alive if he leaves.

16. INT. JEWEL’S HOUSE- AFTERNOON

Henry is having lunch at Jewel’s. It’s her way of saying she is sorry for what happened. Henry just fractured his finger, he’s fine. She offers him a drink; he declines but when she leaves the room for a moment he takes two swigs from the bottle.

When she returns he notices she has a prosthetic leg and he asks what happened. Jewel lies and says it’s a result of her diabetes. Why did she lie, what is she hiding?

CHANGE: Henry and Jewel trade lies.

17. INT. LILLIAN’S HOUSE- EARLY EVENING

Henry is tasked with vacuuming the rugs in the house. He tries to enter a room but the door is locked. What’s behind the door? Why is it locked?

When he asks Lillian she says it’s off limits – has old childhood memories that she wants untouched. “Don’t worry about it. Besides she alone has the key.“

Paul asks where Sam is; “I thought he was coming tonight.” Lillian nor Jewel have heard from him since being released from the hospital.

Later, Jewel and Paul come over and Henry hears them discussing the protesters. Paul is sounding more like a racists but Jewel and Lillian calm him down. “After all, Blacks have rights, too.”

CHANGE: Henry finds a locked room. Sam goes missing.

18. EXT. PAUL’S HOUSE- MIDNIGHT

Paul and another person dragging something out the back door of his house.

19. INT. LILLIAN’S HOUSE- SAME

Henry removes key to locked room from keychain in the kitchen; goes upstairs and unlocks door. Using a pen light, he scans the room; it’s full of White supremacy paperwork, posters, confederate flags, memorabilia. He hears a noise in backyard, cuts the light and goes to the window.

He sees Paul and someone else dragging something into the woods.

CHANGE: Henry finds White supremacy material in Lillian’s house.

INT. LILLIAN’S HOUSE- HENRY’S BEDROOM- LATER

Henry lies on his bed eyeing his secret stash of cocaine. What the hell is happening? He goes to the desk and snorts seven lines.

CHANGE: FLASHBACK of Henry and his wife and son enjoying each others company just before the accident that takes away the life he had.

INT. COUNTRY STORE- MORNING

Henry buys 3 candy bars, 4 bags of chips and a 6 pack of soda.

When he exits the store, protesters gather in the streets. They are heckled and someone throws a bottle into the crowd; fights ensue and Henry runs down a street away from the melee as police begin to get involved – tear gassing and sending rubber bullets into the crowd of protesters.

CHANGE: Henry is swept up in a BLM protest turned riot, because he passes for White he is spared bodily harm.

22.INT. JEWEL’S HOUSE- AFTERNOON

Henry and Jewel discuss what was happening with the Black Lives Matter protesters. Jewel is sympathetic to their cause. Henry asks if she would go with him to one of the rallies. She says that’s not a good idea with her prosthetic leg and all. She could get hurt if anything happened. Jewel asks if Henry is getting a cold, no, why? His nose is red.

CHANGE: Henry learns more about his great-great grandfather and more about The Devil’s Punchbowl. He discusses with Jewel the riot and how it affected her. Henry lies about his drug habit.

23. INT. HENRY’S BEDROOM- NIGHT

Henry is awaken by the muffled sound of someone yelling for help. He puts on his robe and follows the sound. It leads him into the backwoods where he witness a man being buried alive.

24. INT. LILLIAN’S HOUSE- SAME

Henry races back to the house and into the attic to retrieve the KKK material he took from the locked room. He plans to bring it to the police and show them what he just witnessed.

Henry steps on an old corroded wood panel and falls through the floor.

CHANGE: Lillian sends Henry to the attic to do repairs, sets a trap for him.

END OF ACT 2

25. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM- AFTERNOON

Henry awakes in a hospital bed – one side of his face is bandage. He has lost an eye. The doctor says his blood tested high for alcohol and narcotics. Strange, he snorted all his stash 3 weeks ago and he wasn’t drinking.

CHANGE: Henry loses an eye; Lillian told doctor to remove it as punishment for Henry’s snooping.

26. INT. LILLIAN’S HOUSE- NIGHT

Henry made a copy of the key to the locked room and he returns to see if he can find any more damaging material on Lillian. He finds before and after photos of Black men and women, boys and girls. Alive then dead. He finds Lillian’s birth certificate – her last name is ALT.

Henry hears a noise and puts Lillian’s birth certificate in his pocket, opens the door to find Lillian waiting for him.

She asks for the key to the room.

They move to the kitchen where Lillian tells Henry this was the home she grew up in and all those things in the room belonged to her father. He was a member of the KKK and she and her mother had to endure the hate he spewed for years. Her mom keep the door of that room locked her entire childhood and most of her adult life. She keeps the room locked because she wants to shut out the memories of who her father was. That is why she helps the Black people in the town; she wants them to know she is not her father; she is not a racist.

CHANGE: Henry enters locked room and finds KKK material. He asks Lillian about her family history…she lies about how she became the town’s “Good Samaritan”.

27. INT. LILlIAN’S HOUSE – BACKYARD – AFTERNOON

Henry is pruning a rose bush, listening to the news on the radio.

A body has been found in the backwoods. It’s that of a Black boy. Police believe it’s Leslie Johnson. Sam Newton, a member of the Aryan Nation has been charged with murder.

Paul wants to take over Lillian’s position and tells her if she doesn’t take that needed vacation; he will expose her to the police and once she is gone; he will be head of the chapter.

Lillian get a call from the police department – they want to question her again.

CHANGE: Paul threaten Lillian’s position. Henry hears news of a Black boy’s body being found; a boy he saw.

28. INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT- AFTERNOON

Police ask Lillian why she didn’t tell them that on the night Cicely died that she had spoken to Paul. She said she went to Sam’s house; by the way did she know where Sam was?

Lillian says she forgot about Paul, yes, he did call her; time? Around 10:30, she remembered because his dog was barking. She hadn’t gone to Sam’s house afterwards; she went to the Clam House.

She had not seen Sam nor spoken to him. They ask: “Are you sure?”

Sgt. tells Detective to get Paul on the phone – ask him to come again.

CHANGE: Lillian is questions by police; she lies about the night Cicely died. She lies about where Sam and Paul are.

29. INT. PAUL’S HOUSE – EARLY EVENING

Phone rings. Detective calling; no answer.

CHANGE: All lights on in Paul’s house. It is empty, pristine, except in the bedroom pans, shirt and underwear lie on the floor. Detectives knocking on the front door.

30. INT. HENRY’S BEDROOM- NIGHT

Henry removes a bottle of brown liquor from under the bed. He stares at it. He removes an envelope from under his pillow. Dumps the contents on the bed. Its photographs of him, a woman and a child; his family.

Flashback to Henry drunk and high on cocaine, insisting on being able to drive his wife and son to the movies which ends in a car accident and the death of his wife and son. Henry returns the bottle under the bed and cries himself to sleep.

31. EXT. LILLIAN’S HOUSE- MORNING

Henry is doing repairs on the side of the house. Jewel strikes up a conversation. Henry asks her how long she has know Lillian? Jewel invites him to dinner – it’s not safe to discuss in public.

CHANGE: Henry has been doing research about The Devil’s Punchbowl and discovers Lillian’s mother’s parents were slaves and she is Black. A mulatto who her father married but kept her true race from his KKK brothers and sisters. He is not sure if he can trust Jewel with this knowledge.

32. EXT. STORE FRONT- DAY

Henry runs into Mitch, a former boarder that he met at Lillian’s party. Mitch tells Henry that Lillian’s only goal was to kill as many Black and Brown people as she could and that their lives were spared by Lillian as long as they kept sending other people of color her way to kill. When they were not successful she would take away a body part.

Henry is upset, why don’t they go to the police? Mitch says Lillian has dirt on everyone of them and if they want to keep the jobs they worked hard to get and not let the townspeople turn on them; it’s hard enough as it is for Black people. They just do what they can to save their own asses.

Besides, it was hard to stop her; from the police; not all of them, but they’re not sure who is a good cop & who is bad.

Can Henry believe Mitch after having the talk the other night with Lillian?

CHANGE: Henry gets more incriminating news about Lillian. Henry knows something about Lillian’s parents but is unsure who he can trust with the information.

33. INT. JEWEL’S HOUSE- NIGHT

At dinner, Jewel answers all Henry’s questions; she confirms Lillian has been murdering Black people. He asks, Is Jewel a member of the KKK?

Suddenly, he feels lightheaded and passes out. Jewel drugged him.

34. INT. LILLIAN’S BASEMENT -NEXT DAY

Henry awakes to see his feet and hands are tied, lying on the floor on top of a large blanket. Lillian tells him he should have listened to Sam and left. Now he can’t be trusted and must be dealt with the right way. Equal opportunity. “I treat all traitors the same.”

Jewel runs in as Lillian is about to inject Henry with drugs, shoves Lillian who falls and hits her head on the floor; HARD. She’s knocked unconscious.

Jewel unties Henry and they run through the backwoods.

CHANGE: Lillian tells Henry he knew he was a N-er all along; belittles him. Jewel comes to Henry’s rescue.

35. EXT. BACKWOODS- SAME

Jewel and Henry stumble on what they think are logs but discover it’s the bodies of Sam and Paul.

Henry tells Jewel to get the police and bring them back; he has to go back and secure Lillian; can’t let her get away.

36. INT. LILLIAN’S HOUSE- SAME

Henry enters the house, grabs rope from the garage and descends the basement stairs. Lillian is not where she fell; he turns around and is hit in the head with a shovel. He’s out cold.

CHANGE: Henry enters the house, grabs rope from the garage and descends the basement stairs. Lillian is not in the basement. He climbs the stairs to the kitchen and as he enters the living room he is ambushed by Lillian’s henchmen

37. EXT. BACKWOODS-LATER

Henry tied and wrapped in a blanket is being dragged. Lillian tells him what she will tell the police if they ask: “You were an alcoholic and a drug addict. Sure you tried to kick the habit, but you were weak; you couldn’t stop blaming yourself for causing the death of your wife and son, such a tragedy; you had so much potential. Black people just can’t get a break.” As she drags him to the top of the pit; Henry yells out for help.

Henry remembers he has the Swiss Army pocket knife that his son gave him in his back pocket – he frees his hands then feet and cuts the sheet.

Lillian is exhausted and slips, falls into the pit. Henry frees himself from the sheet and tackles her.

They struggle among the dirt and corpses. Henry gets hold of the shovel, hits Lillian. She falls face forward.

A helicopter looms overhead shining a bright light into the pit.

He hears dogs and police sirens approaching. He is lifted out of the pit. He sees Jewel walking towards him, smiling.

Police handcuff Lillian and take her into custody. She spits on the ground when she passes Henry and Jewel.

Henry is not phased-he is happy to be alive. As they walk back to the house, he asks Jewel if she ever read Chaucer’s Canterbury tales. “No?” Henry says he will introduce her to a copy of the book there’s a tale in it she might be like.

CHANGE: Lillian finds out that her mother is Black and therefore so is she. She dies a horrific death. Henry is victorious and overcomes his shame and guilt and accepts his true identity. He tells Jewel he will be there for her when she gets out of prison.

THE END

STARTING FROM THE BOTTOM TO THE TOP

A. BEATS GREAT BY THEMSELVES

Scenes: 35, 33, 30, 28, 23, 19, 18, 17, 16, 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10, 7, 4, 5, 3,

B. BEATS SEEM DULL OR PROBLEMATIC

Scenes: 36, 31, 22, 8, 6,

C. BEATS ARE GOOD, BUT I FEEL NEED IMPROVEMENT

Scenes: 37, 34, 32, 29, 27, 26, 25, 24, 21, 20, 2, 1

• This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by  Demethress Davis.

[Demethress Davis]

Demethress’ Structure Version 1

I was looking over my revisions of the OPENING and think I’d like to combine A & C for more if an impact and give audience insight into Henry’s inner struggle – Also added In A -I added what the argument was about

TITLE: The Devil’s PunchBowl

What I learned from doing this assignment is…that it’s a pain in the butt to juggle work, class and writing in one day – yes One day but I chalk it up to ONE day I will be doing this ALONE and nothing else will get in the way. For now I will do my best with the time I have. Yes, it’s worth it!

Logline: Henry, a light-skinned Black man is taken in by the town’s Good Samaritan. When Henry discovers that she is a White Supremacist intent on killing as many Black people she can, Henry must overcome his own demons before he can stop her.

MAIN CONFLICT: Henry is taken in by Lillian, a White Supremacist hellbent on killing as many Blacks and sympathizers as possible. Henry struggling with the death of his family and loss of life as he knew it, has to face and overcome his demons, learn to trust a new friend and put a stop to Lillian’s horrific carnage.

OPENING

Henry meets Lillian, who invites him into her home for room and board in exchange for him fixing things that need repairs. He gets a feel of the law of the land in the small Alemeda town.

INCITING INCIDENT

Henry witnesses the death of a young man by KKK members in the backwoods behind Lillian‘s house.

BY PAGE 10…WHAT THE STORY IS ABOUT

Henry visits the local library and learns his great great grandfather, a freed slave in Natchez, Mississippi fled to Alemeda, Ga instead of taking the offer to live area known as the Devil’s Punchbowl. Also, he discovers Lillian’s father was a member of the KKK in Alemeda, Ga. He begins a friendship with Jewel.

1ST TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT 1

Henry finds KKK materials possibly connecting Lillian’s family. Jewel talks w/ Henry about her and Lillian’s involvement in the KKK. Did Henry make the right decision in accepting Lillian’s offer?

MID-POINT

After learning of Lillian’s past, Henry asks Jewel to help him gain access to a locked room; her actions give him pause; will she help or give him up? Jewel cones through and once inside the room, Henry finds a museum like atmosphere: Nazi flags and uniforms, photos of lynchings, Blacks being burned, whippings, maimings and other horrific atrocities against Black people. In most of the photos, Henry sees Lillian’s father and a young girl in different age stages. It appears to be Lillian.

2ED TURNING POINT AT THE END OF ACT 2

While Henry does repairs in the attic he hears Lilian‘s conversation demanding the death of someone and he finds more incriminating material of Lillian’s KKK involvement. In his excitement, Henry jumps up and down and steps on a weak beam. He falls through the ceiling. When he awakes in the hospital, Henry is missing an eye. The doctor tells him he should be thankful that is all he lost; his blood alcohol level was way above the legal limit. Henry says he wasn’t drinking.

CRISIS

Henry witnesses another killing at the Devils Punchbowl and narrowly escaped. Lilian holds a party for former borders and all are missing a body part. Jewel invites Henry over for dinner and tells him how she lost her part of her leg. Henry reveals a part of his past. Jewel drugs Henry.

8. CLIMAX

Henry awakens to see Lillian standing over him w/ a lethal injection. Lillian tells him she knows he’s a nigger; she has eyes everywhere. Jewel among them.

Henry tells her that he knows a secret about her, but before he can reveal it jewel hits Lilian on the head with a shovel. Frees Henry.

Shocked and surprised at Jewel’s help, Henry tests her loyalty. They return to the Devil’s Punchbowl to see if anyone is still alive. They find Two people and Henry tells Jewel to get them to the hospital and call the FBI, NOT the local police. He returns to the basement to wait for the police and finds that Lillian is gone. He searches for her and is ambushed by her henchmen. They take him to The Devil’s Punchbowl where he and Lillian come face to face once again. Lillian belittles Henry causing him to revisit his demons of guilt and shame over losing his family.

He finds strength and tells Lillian the secret about her past— her mother was Black which means she is Black or as she always puts it — a Nigger! A physical fight ensues and Lillian and Henry fall into the Devil’s Punchbowl where Henry is the victor and Lillian dies just as the FBI arrive.

RESOLUTION

At an AA meeting, Henry comes to terms with who he is – a Black man who hid behind his light-skin and posed as White to avoid his demons of guilt over the loss of his family, his job. He always thought “white people get away with anything. White people get away with murder. ” No one would bother him in a small town.

Now he realizes he can’t hide behind a face that isn’t his. His demons know no color.

The FBI stand by the exit door alongside Jewel who is handcuffed.

Henry tells her he will be waiting when she gets out of prison.

Henry returns tonNew York City to be reunited with his son who is out of a coma.

I selected the OPENING to brainstorm other ideas to elevate it.

A. It’s raining heavily. Henry drives recklessly with his wife and son in the car. They argue, his wife is upset that Henry has had too much to drink & did cocaine before getting into the car. Henry doesn’t see an oncoming truck with break trouble. His wife is killed and his son is in critical condition. Henry walks away with a broken rib. Depressed and guilt ridden, Henry starts drinking and using cocaine and spirals downhill. He looses his job and apartment. His father labels him a loser and worthless. Henry leaves NYC to a town in the South.

B. It’s past midnight and people dressed in white robes and hoods stand holding torches around a large hole in the ground in the backwoods somewhere in the South.

Cries for help and asking for forgiveness emit from someone wrapped in a black sheet as the body is tossed into the hole and set on fire. Henry exits a bus at the Alemeda Bus Station. He enters a park in the town square and falls asleep on a bench under a large Weeping Willow tree.

C. CU on feet housed in red Ked sneakers as they walk down wooden steps stained in a red dye. In the middle of a dusty basement chained to a whipping pole are a Black man and woman facing each other, naked. The voice behind the red Keds commands two men dressed in white robes and hoods to begin. The sound of whips cracking and skin splitting as blood splashes a Roshak pattern across the white robes. The man and woman wince and grimace but don’t scream out. As the whipping continues the man and woman slowly sink to the basement floor until they pass out. The voice from the red Keds makes a statement: “See these are good niggers; they know not to draw attention. Cut ‘em loose and get the lye. Wake ‘em up! We ain’t done yet.”

Henry, a light-skinned Black man exits the Alemeda bus station, walks across the street to a park, sits in a bench under a Weeping Willow tree and cries.

Demethress’ Structure Version 2

Logline: Henry, a light-skinned Black man is taken in by the town’s Good Samaritan. When Henry discovers that she is a White Supremacist intent on killing as many Black people she can, Henry must overcome his own demons before he can stop her.

MAIN CONFLICT: Henry is taken in by Lillian, a White Supremacist hellbent on killing as many Blacks and sympathizers as possible. Henry struggling with the death of his family and loss of life as he knew it, has to face and overcome his demons, learn to trust a new friend and put a stop to Lillian’s horrific carnage.

OPENING

CU on feet housed in red Ked sneakers as they walk down wooden steps stained in a red dye. In the middle of a dusty basement chained to a whipping pole are a Black man and woman facing each other, naked. The voice behind the red Keds commands two men dressed in white robes and hoods to begin. The sound of whips cracking and skin splitting as blood splashes a Roshak pattern across the white robes. The man and woman wince and grimace but don’t scream out. As the whipping continues the man and woman slowly sink to the basement floor until they pass out. The voice from the red Keds makes a statement: “See these are good niggers; they know not to draw attention. Cut ‘em loose and get the lye. Wake ‘em up! We ain’t done yet.”

Henry, a light-skinned Black man exits the Alemeda bus station, walks across the street to a park, sits in a bench under a Weeping Willow tree and cries.

INCITING INCIDENT

Henry witnesses the death of a young man by KKK members in the backwoods behind Lillian‘s house.

BY PAGE 10…WHAT THE STORY IS ABOUT

Henry visits the local library and learns his great great grandfather, a freed slave in Natchez, Mississippi fled to Alemeda, Ga instead of taking the offer to live area known as the Devil’s Punchbowl. Also, he discovers Lillian’s father was a member of the KKK in Alemeda, Ga. He begins a friendship with Jewel.

1ST TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT 1

Henry finds KKK materials possibly connecting Lillian’s family. Jewel talks w/ Henry about her and Lillian’s involvement in the KKK. Did Henry make the right decision in accepting Lillian’s offer?

MID-POINT

After learning of Lillian’s past, Henry asks Jewel to help him gain access to a locked room; her actions give him pause; will she help or give him up? Jewel cones through and once inside the room, Henry finds a museum like atmosphere: Nazi flags and uniforms, photos of lynchings, Blacks being burned, whippings, maimings and other horrific atrocities against Black people. In most of the photos, Henry sees Lillian’s father and a young girl in different age stages. It appears to be Lillian.

2ED TURNING POINT AT THE END OF ACT 2

While Henry does repairs in the attic he hears Lilian‘s conversation demanding the death of someone and he finds more incriminating material of Lillian’s KKK involvement. In his excitement, Henry jumps up and down and steps on a weak beam. He falls through the ceiling. When he awakes in the hospital, Henry is missing an eye. The doctor tells him he should be thankful that is all he lost; his blood alcohol level was way above the legal limit. Henry says he wasn’t drinking.

CRISIS

Henry witnesses another killing at the Devils Punchbowl and narrowly escaped. Lilian holds a party for former borders and all are missing a body part. Jewel invites Henry over for dinner and tells him how she lost her part of her leg. Henry reveals a part of his past. Jewel drugs Henry.

8. CLIMAX

Henry awakens to see Lillian standing over him w/ a lethal injection. Lillian tells him she knows he’s a nigger; she has eyes everywhere. Jewel among them.

Henry tells her that he knows a secret about her, but before he can reveal it jewel hits Lilian on the head with a shovel. Frees Henry.

Shocked and surprised at Jewel’s help, Henry tests her loyalty. They return to the Devil’s Punchbowl to see if anyone is still alive. They find Two people and Henry tells Jewel to get them to the hospital and call the FBI, NOT the local police. He returns to the basement to wait for the police and finds that Lillian is gone. He searches for her and is ambushed by her henchmen. They take him to The Devil’s Punchbowl where he and Lillian come face to face once again. Lillian belittles Henry causing him to revisit his demons of guilt and shame over losing his family.

He finds strength and tells Lillian the secret about her past— her mother was Black which means she is Black or as she always puts it — a Nigger! A physical fight ensues and Lillian and Henry fall into the Devil’s Punchbowl where Henry is the victor and Lillian dies just as the FBI arrive.

RESOLUTION

At an AA meeting, Henry comes to terms with who he is – a Black man who hid behind his light-skin and posed as White to avoid his demons of guilt over the loss of his family, his job. He always thought “white people get away with anything. White people get away with murder. ” No one would bother him in a small town.

Now he realizes he can’t hide behind a face that isn’t his. His demons know no color.

The FBI stand by the exit door alongside Jewel who is handcuffed.

Henry tells her he will be waiting when she gets out of prison.

Henry returns tonNew York City to be reunited with his son who is out of a coma.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by  Demethress Davis.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by  Demethress Davis.

[Demethress Davis]

This is my attempt to create a better ONE PAGE as opposed to the breakdown of the Mini Movie structure I posted originally.

Title: The Devil’s PunchBowl

Logline: Henry, a light skinned Black man is taken in by a White Supremacist intent on killing him.

The movie opens with a photo history of freed Black slaves in The Devil’s Punchbowl, Natchez, Mississippi. We fade into present day to a small predominantly White town called Alemeda, Ga.

It’s the middle of the Covid-19 pandemic and tragedy befalls upon HENRY, a light-skinned black man. In his grief, depression sets in, Henry looses his job and home and he travels to Alemeda and lives as a homeless man in a park, begging daily for food and work.

Henry is taken in by the town’s Good Samaritan, LILLIAN, who gives him room and board in exchange for Henry doing work around her home and for the neighbors in the cul de sac where she lives.

One evening, Henry attends an AA meeting but his demons of shame and guilt make it hard for him to open up to the group.

One night, Henry is awaken by muffled cries for help and when he investigates he witnesses men and women in white hoods and robes surrounding a large hole in the backwoods behind Lillian’s house. They are tossing bodies wrapped in sheets into the hole. Startled and shocked he lets out a cry and barely escapes being caught.

Henry is introduced to SAM, PAUL and JEWEL, Lillian’s neighbors who riddle him with question about how he came to be in their small country town. Henry evades the truth and blames the loss of his job and family on COVID-19. Feeling sorry, Jewel invites him over and they begin a friendship.

Henry visits the local library where he discovers and researches his great great grandfather’s history. He was a slave from Natchez, Mississippi and when freed chose to leave and live in Alemeda, GA. Henry learns more about the Devil’s Punchbowl in Natchez, Mississippi. He learns of the KKK presence in Alemeda, GA.

When Sam has an accident in his garage, Henry helps him. Sam tells Henry, he needs to get away from Lillian, he must leave Alemeda NOW before it’s too late. Before Henry can get clarity, Lillian and Jewel arrive and Sam goes mute.

Next day Sam goes missing.

BLM protestors march in town and Henry watches as a small riot occurs and he helps a black woman protestor who is caught in a stampede. He returns to Lillian’s and again hears cries for help in the backwoods.

While working in the house, Henry finds a locked room and Lillian confronts him telling him it’s locked for a reason—“IT’S OFF LIMITS!”

Later, Henry asks Jewel to help him get access to the room.

After discovering Lillian’s father was the head of the KKK chapter in Alemeda, Henry works in the attic and finds more information of Lillian’s role in the Alemeda KKK’s chapter. She is took over her father’s role after his death. In his jubilation Henry jumps on a weak beam and fall through the ceiling. When he awakes in the hospital, he is missing an eye.

Flashbacks of The Devil’s Punchbowl are revisited depicting the suffering , sickness and deaths of the “freed black slaves”.

Henry’s recurring nightmares of the night he lost his family and is awaken by cries for help. He goes to the hole and witnesses yet another murder, this one more horrific than the last – this body is set on fire as the people cheer.

Lillian holds a party for former boarders she helped as a Good Samaritan and everyone is missing a body part.

Henry and Jewel have a heart to heart and she reveals the truth of her family history – parents were members of the KKK and she has been helping Lillian recruit others to lure Blacks and others who sympathize with them to get other people of color to do Lillian’s bidding and if they don’t they loose a body part or get thrown into The Devil’s Punchbowl and burned. She was raised to hate but when she had a Black boyfriend in HS and her parents learned of it, she was punished and the Black boy was hurt badly.

Henry joins a BLM protest march and is kidnapped – he escapes but not before confirming that Lillian was behind the kidnapping.

Jewel invites Henry over for dinner and drugs him. When he awakens Lillian is standing by with a lethal injection. Before she gives it to him, she tells him she knew all along that he was a Black man (“Nigger”) passing for a White man. She belittles him and calls him a coward.

Henry tells her he knows her secret, but before he can tell her, Jewel hits Lillian over the head with a shovel.

Wanting to trust Jewel, Henry enlists her help to return to the Devil’s Punchbowl to see if there are any survivors. Henry tells Jewel to take two people to hospital and call the FBI – not the local police. Henry hopes she does.

Henry returns to the house to get Lillian and wait for the FBI but she is not there. He is ambushed by Lillian’s henchmen and taken to the Devil’s Punchbowl where Henry reveals Lillian’s secret- Her mother was Black. Lillian is unaware of her history and a fight ensues between Lillian and Henry as he enlightens Lillian about her history. Lillian goes ballistic and just when it seems like Henry is a goner, the FBI arrives and Henry is the victor.

Henry speaks at the AA meeting. He tells his story and that he has overcome his guilt. He tells Jewel he will be there for her when she is out of prison. He returns to NYC to be reunited with his son who is now out of a coma.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by  Demethress Davis.

[Demethress Davis]

Hi Cheryl,

I’m confused- here we are supposed to write our feedback for our partners????

Im seeing folks writing synopsis here not sure what is supposed to be in this spot – thought it was about partnering?

Please clarify…Yhx,

Demethress

[Demethress Davis]

Demethress’ Logline and One Page!

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I have some many ways to enhance this story to make it the best it can be.

TITLE: THE DEVIL’S PUNCHBOWL

(This is a real place in Natchez, Mississippi and my story will weave in its history.)

LOGLINE: Henry, a homeless light skinned Black man, is taken in by a Good Samaritan, but when he discovers she’s a White Supremacist whose sole goal is to kill off as many Blacks she can, he must fight his own demons before he can stop her.

GENRE: THRILLER

MINI MOVIE 1:

Henry accepts an offer from Lillian, the town’s Good Samaritan to work for room and board. He is awaken by muffled cries for help and sees lights moving in the woods behind Lillian’s house.

MINI MOVIE 2:

Henry witnesses a murder. While doing yard work for Sam, a neighbor, Sam has an accident and tells Henry he needs to leave Lillian’s house now!

MINI MOVIE 3:

Henry asks Jewel, a neighbor and close friend of Lillian to help him find out who Lillian really is and what does she know about The Devil’s PunchBowl. He questions police and other townspeople and their responses lead Henry to realize Lillian is two different people. Townspeople shun Henry.

MINI MOVIE 4:

In his attempt to uncover dirt of Lillian, Henry loses an eye.

MINI MOVIE 5:

After being kidnapped by KKK and barely escaping, Henry retreats to his room only to be confronted by his own demons – guilt of his part in the deaths of his wife and son.

MINI MOVIE 6:

Jewel invites Henry over for dinner and after each reveals a secret they have been hiding, Jewel drugs Henry, turns him over to Lillian.

MINI MOVIE 7:

Henry is ambushed by Lillian and her henchmen taken to The Devil’s PunchBowl where they struggle and Henry is the victor.

MINI MOVIE 8:

Henry tells his story of overcoming his guilt, he has forgiven himself and tells Jewel he will be waiting for her when she is released from prison, he is going back to NYC to regain his life.

I look forward to working with someone.

Demethress

• This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by  Demethress Davis.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by  Demethress Davis.

[Demethress Davis]

I, Demethress Davis, agree to the terms of this release form. classes

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

Demethress Davis

[Demethress Davis]

Hi everyone

Name? Demethress Davis…Deme, for short

How many scripts you’ve written? 4 and a TV pilot

3. What you hope to get out of the class? To get this script produced and open the door to having my other scripts perfected and produced.

4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? Hmmm…I love reading, Art, photography, animals and going to the beach; most of all I enjoy learning new things and applying them.

Looking forward to working and learning with you all. Here’s to many doors opening!

Faith, Hope & Love,

Deme

[Demethress Davis]

Hi Erica,

Since I haven’t heard back, I will take that as a “no” and not be offended. Understand you want to stick with your original partner.

Demethress

[Demethress Davis]

Hi Erica,

I would like to exchange feedback with you, if that’s ok. Nit sure if we are supposed to stick with the same person throughout but if you don’t mind, this round I’d like to exchange with you.

Demethress

[Demethress Davis]

Hi Nadine, it was good talking with you today. Below is what we discussed:

I think you have a good story here. I see the Opening- the Middle and the Resolution.

As we discussed I am looking forward to seeing the conflicts younchoose for your main character, Michael and how his character arc is formed and played out.

I think the tension between his father and Michael will make good dialogue into who they really are and what changes in their relationship, if any, develop as Michael pursues his destiny. Will he be bullied into following in his father’s footsteps or break out and do his own thing and how will this affect his relationships.

His love for Veronica has been put on hold when he goes to LA and it seems Jasmaine is trying to make her mark on him. This relationship will cause tension as well I’m sure.

I’m interested in seeing how you work that all out.

Thanks for sharing.

Deme

[Demethress Davis]

Hi Nadine,

I like your concept and would like to know if you’d be interested in working with me – I’m working on a thriller and will rewrite my One Page tonight so you can get a better sense of the story. Lmk.

Deme

[Demethress Davis]

Yes, Pat thanks… I’ve taken quite a few classes with Hal, however the this format is new to me. Assignment #2 I thought it was meant for Day 2 work. So when I see folks submitting Day 1’s Assignment #2 here it confused me.

So I guess still confused, I will add my critique of my partner’s work here and hope that I am posting it in the proper place.

Thanks for reaching out.

Deme

• This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by  Demethress Davis.

[Demethress Davis]

Wow…was it a place like the one in Natchez, Mississippi…After the Civil War, ex slave were given this part of Mississippi to live once freed; but when they wanted to go to doctors for help they were boarded in and refused exit and they could not bury their dead outside, they had to bury them where they died. It was an encampment but really was an interment for slaves like they did to the Japanese after the war.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by  Demethress Davis.

[Demethress Davis]

Hi Nadine,

I guess we can post under Assignment 2 once we have written our critiques if you can talk that would be good and then We can post what we spoke on…

I am off Sun-Mon. Work at Delta Air LInes as a Safety Auditor…lots of walking around for 8 hrs; observing things/ people. I fell out last night so hopefully you and I can talk on Sunday if that is ok for you. I am going to leave my Mini Movie One Page breakdown as is for now and would be happy in our discussion to fill in any questions you may have.

Lmk what time is best for you? And if another day is better?

[Demethress Davis]

Hi Nadine,

Great! My number is 646-512-0242.

I see that Jaye has already posted Assignment 2 but mine says its not available until tomorrow…Did you receive an email from for Assignment 2?

Deme