[Denice Lewis]

What I learned doing this assignment is that I want to add more because they’re fun.

Dialogue covers subtext:
1. Luther says “Don’t wreck my bike” when he lets her use it. He means “be careful” since he just threw the money she
gave him on the floor.
2. Blake tells Maya he’s aware of everything she does, even when she’s not home.
She’s says, “How boring. Just install spyware.” Subtext is that her life is boring and why not control more of her life.
3. Maya tells the cook “I’d want a mom to be like you.” We know Maya doesn’t have a mom in her life.
4. Maya uses the excuse that she’s going to be late to class to refuse to open her birthday gift from her estranged
grandmother.

Dialogue points to subtext:
1. Maya destroys a picture of her with her dad with a lethal kick which tells the audience how she feels about his betrayal.
2. Maya tells her limo driver about her dad: “If his secrets were water, I’d be at the bottom of the sea.” This points to
secrets her dad hides, and that she’s drowning in them.

[Denice Lewis]

Lesson 5 Denice Hughes Lewis
What I learned doing this assignment is that I have very little action subtext. By looking at my scenes, I found a few where I could intersperse action subtext with the dialogue to make it more interesting. I have a few little subtext places, but they don’t sustain for the whole scene. Back to work.

Version 1: Action opposite Dialogue
a. Marko flirts with Maya while they are fight/dancing. When he says something, her
actions denote her anger with moves to his mouth, head, crotch
b. Maya and her grandmother see Blake kidnapped by a monster and disappear
through a fiery portal. During their conversation, Maya doesn’t pay attention to the
fact that her grandmother is boxing books. Then Maya learns she has 15 minutes to
pack, they’re leaving.
Version 2: Action Hides Something Covert
a. Andrew is tailing Maya to find out where she lives because she’s intriguing.
b. Sophia tells Maya to stay out of the basement because it has mold, when it’s
really the storehouse for the family legacy of Dreamweavers.
c. Maya doesn’t understand her visions, or her developing powers of light. She’s been kept in the dark about her dad’s job.

[Denice Lewis]

Scene: Surface: Maya rides a dirt bike through school.
Subtext Situation: She wants to run down a bully.
Beneath the Surface:
Deeper Meaning: How will her life change if she succeeds?
Deeper Meaning: Is she crazy or is the dragon real?
Situations: Maya is sabotaging a student. She’s unaware why she’s having visions.
Scene: Surface: Maya rides a limo to a dance/fighting class
Subtext Situation: A dragon appears in a foggy tunnel.
Deeper Meaning: The limo driver recognizes the dragon, but makes Maya think it isn’t there.
Deeper Meaning: Maya is worried that she’s hallucinating.
Situations: The limo driver deceives Maya which puts him in a superior position. It’s not his place to tell her about
her father, so he can’t say.
Scene: Surface: Maya has to leave her home with her grandmother.
Subtext Situation: Maya doesn’t know why she’s in danger.
Deeper Meaning: Maya’s danger has to do with her dad.
Deeper Meaning: Who is her father?
Situations: Grandma deceives Maya. This makes Maya unaware.

[Denice Lewis]

Well, I hope a new formatting will make this transfer work better than the last two lessons.

LESSON 3, Character Subtext

What I learned doing this assignment is the interplay between plot, environment, and character subtext.

Maya
Character Surface: A spoiled, rich teenager Character Subtext: Angry, rebellious, feels unloved.
Character Subtext: Doesn’t know her destIny as the next Dreamweaver and savior of two worlds

Blake
Character Surface: A rich man and father
Character Subtext: His job is secret as the Dreamweaver in charge of balancing dreams
and reality by traveling back and forth between worlds.

Orenda
Character Surface: Maya’s grandmother, Blake’s mom, educated on Iroquois heritage Character
Character Subtext: Hides her secret of puttng Blake’s wife in a coma. Wants revenge for the murder of her husband and
She is investigatIng the organizatIon on Earth that wants to destroy her family.
She’s also overseeing the protecIton of Lysandra’s comatose body.

Lysandra
Character Surface: Angry Dark Dreamer forced to be in charge of nightmares who wants Blake’s job and be able to live in
reality.
Character Subtext: Her amnesia covers the fact that she’s Blake’s wife in a coma and knows secrets he’s told her that will
affect the survival of the whole family.

[Denice Lewis]

Lesson 2

What I learned doing this assignment is how to think about location in a specific way to discover the deeper meaning that was already there, but not known.

Maya’s home, mansion, everything in order, restricted yet entitled life
Father is kidnapped. When her house blown up, it reflects that her life will never be the same. Only her memories remain. Removed from everything she’s known.

Grandma’s house
Represents Maya’s divided life between the reality and the dream realm, Finding her father’s secrets becomes a metaphor for finding herself and her place in the world.

Dream Realm
Unpredictable and ever-changing, the dream realm will force her to come to terms with her anger, learn control of her emotions, and mature in order to survive. There are separate realms within the dream world that represent joy, fear, death, etc., for her to confront.

[Denice Lewis]

Subtext Mastery, Lesson 1
What I learned doing this assignment is how to be more openminded and to simplify to allow the deeper meanings to reveal themselves. This assignment pointed out an obvious oversite I never considered that will make a difference in the pilot.
DREAMBOUND, TV PILOT
Maya lives a spoiled, but restricted life as an unpopular rich kid in a private school.
Subtext: She’s lonely, angry, and feels unloved.
She has visions of another world superimposed on the real world on her 16th birthday.
Subtext: Is there something wrong with her?
Maya sees her father kidnapped by a monster and disappear through a fiery portal.
Subtext: What secrets did he keep from her?
Her estranged grandmother blows up Maya’s house and takes her away to protect her.
Subtext: Everything in her life is gone.
Maya discovers a locked room at Grandma’s house that reveals her dad’s secret job.
Subtext: Her dad has betrayed her trust.
A celestial tattoo appears on her wrist that opens a portal into the dream realm.
Subtext: She’s more than she thought she was – the inheritor of her father’s job.
She opens a portal and enters the dream realm to find her father.
Subtext: How will she survive when she knows nothing?

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Query Letter, Draft 1
Dear Producer,
I enjoyed your television series, _________, and thought you might like to take a look at my fantasy pilot for teens and young adults.
Title: Dreambound is a one-hour, fantasy/action series by Denice Hughes Lewis

What secrets unfold when a dragon marks a teenager’s limo with a constellation of stars?

Spoiled and insecure, Maya is unaware of father’s heritage as the Dreamweaver, one who balances the dream realm with reality. When her powers begin to manifest through unsettling visions, Maya is reluctant to confide in her father, the only person who can guide her.

Her father is kidnapped by a monster and disappears through a fiery portal into the dream world.

Maya’s grandmother takes her to safety. Forced to assume a false identity, Maya navigates the perils of public school, and its torment. She discovers her father’s secrets hidden in the basement of her grandmother’s home. Overwhelmed and angry, her emotions trigger the celestial tattoo on her wrist, opening a portal into the dream realm.

Snatched by a metal claw from inside the portal, Maya vanishes into the unpredictable, dangerous world of dreams to rescue her father.

In the first season, Maya’s quest to find her father and master her powers is fraught with moral dilemmas, betrayals, and tests of her resolve and strength. She struggles to thwart the covert Dream Forgers in the real world who manipulate dreamers for power and profit. This sets the stage for their ultimate confrontation and her battle to protect both worlds from collapse.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

BIO: I have an IMDB credit for a short film, won a Catalina Film Festival contest, and am a published author for kids and young adults.

Contact Information:
Denice Hughes Lewis
60020 Stirling Drive, Bend, OR 97702
(541) 616-1082
prismartsllc@gmail.com

[Denice Lewis]

What I learned is to be quicker and more discerning when finding producers.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Phone Pitch
What I Iearned doing this assignment is how many divisions there are to production companies.
High Concept.: Can a spoiled, insecure teen become the savior of the dream world and humanity as the first female Dreamweaver?
Hi, I’m Denice Hughes Lewis. I have a fantasy television series called Dreambound.
Hi, I’m Denice Hughes Lewis and I’m an award-winning screenwriter and published author specializing in Fantasy,
Budget range is from 10-30 million. The dream sequences veer from the ordinary to fantastic. The protagonist also attends a rural school.
Main Roles are for actors playing sixteen to over sixty-year-olds with diverse characters. Some actors would be like Kyla Kenedy, Jack Champion, Michael Fassbender, Elizabeth Olsen, Denzel Washington, Native American actresses like Shari Forster, Georgina Lighting
53 Pages
No one has seen the script.
Why it fits with our company? MGM There is a great market for teen fantasy series as proven by the success of your fantasy series, Wednesday.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Pitch Fest
What I learned doing this assignment is that these steps allow a deeper search for the succinct meaning of my series.
Hi, I’m Denice Hughes Lewis. I have an IMDB credit for a short and am a published, children and young adult author.
I have a one-hour Fantasy/Action series.
My title is Dreambound.
Series: Can a spoiled, insecure teen save the real world and the dream world as the first female Dreamweaver? Only if she can defeat the covert Dream Forgers who seek her destruction for power and profit.
Pilot: A spoiled insecure teen discovers her father’s secret identity after he’s kidnapped by a monster and disappears through a portal. Her unknown celestial tattoo appears when she discovers her dad’s hidden secrets and she creates a gateway that whisks her into the dream world and her destiny.
Budget range Middle: 15-30 million
Actors for lead roles:
Maya is an intricate role with a wide emotional and physically-active range. There are several good actresses that can play teens. Someone like Kyla Kennedy or McKenna Grace.
Zander is a teen shapeshifter and lost soul in the dream world who has been brainwashed to think he’s only a dream character. He’s really an orphan in reality and becomes Maya’s unpredictable friend and love interest in both worlds.
Someone like the actor, Jack Champion
Blake Robinson, secretive, kidnapped father, is the Dreamweaver, balancing dreams with reality and trying to reunite his family. An actor like Michael Fassbender.
Lysandra is the Dark Dreamer in charge of nightmares, and Blake’s kidnapper who doesn’t remember she’s his wife and Maya’s mother. An actress like Elizabeth Olsen.
Sophia is Blake’s mom, Maya’s grandmother, of Iroquois descent bent on finding and destroying threats to her family by infiltrating the Dream Forgers. Native American actresses like Shari Foster, Kimberly Guerrero, Georgina Lightning
Cutler Jackson is Sophia’s second husband, murderer of her first husband, and head of the Dream Forgers. He has faked his death. An actor like Denzel Washington.
Teaser: Maya’s destiny begins when a dragon materializes from the fog and spits a star constellation on her windshield.
Act 1: Maya’s normal life shows her loneliness and bullying in a private school as a spoiled, rich teen. Her unexpected powers create a dream world superimposed over a dance/fighting class before the lights go out.
Act 2: Maya’s father realizes she has inherited powers as his successor, too late. He’s kidnapped by a monster and disappears through a portal into the dream realm. Maya’s grandmother takes her away from everything she knows.
Act 3: Distraught, Maya flees from her grandmother in a storm and dares the lightning to strike her. Visions of her father with a strange woman haunt her.
Act 4: Maya enters public school under a fake name. Bullied, she fights back and is suspended.
Act 5: Maya’s anger at discovering her ancestry as a Dreamweaver creates a hidden celestial tattoo that opens a portal. A claw grabs her and she disappears into the dream realm.
How does it end (setup/payoff) A spoiled, insecure teenage girl becomes the savior of herself, dreams, and ultimately the survival of humanity.
What have you done? I have an IMDB credit for a short and am a published fantasy author for kids and teens.
Brand + Credibility and specialty – Fantasy/Action, IMDB credit for a short film
Why this? This story is about becoming something more than you think you are and having a positive effect on your life and world.
Why now? The world needs problem-solving using critical thinking, heart, and emotional control.
Why me? I’ve lived long enough to experience a wide range of emotions and learned valuable lessons from them.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Query Letter
What I learned doing this assignment is the more you work with these easy-to-understand, profound lessons, the more you know your story and characters and the better you write. AI was extremely helpful.

Title: Dreambound, a one-hour, fantasy action series by Denice Hughes Lewis

What secrets unfold when a dragon marks a teenager’s limo with a constellation of stars?

Maya is unaware of father’s heritage as the Dreamweaver, who balances the dream realm with reality. When her powers begin to manifest through unsettling visions, Maya is reluctant to confide in her father, the only person who can guide her.

Her father is kidnapped by a monster and disappears through a fiery portal into the dream world.

Maya’s grandmother takes her to her home and safety. Forced to assume a false identity, Maya navigates the perils of public school, and its torment. She discovers her father’s secrets hidden in the basement. Overwhelmed and angry, her emotions trigger the celestial tattoo on her wrist, opening a portal into the dream realm.

Snatched by a metal claw from the dream side of the portal, Maya vanishes.

In the first season, Maya’s quest to find her father and master her powers is fraught with moral dilemmas, betrayals, and tests of her resolve and strength. She struggles to thwart covert Dream Forgers who manipulate dreamers for power and profit from the real world. This sets the stage for their ultimate confrontation and her battle to protect both worlds from collapse.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

BIO: I have an IMDB credit for a short film and won a Catalina Film Festival contest.

Contact Information:
Denice Hughes Lewis
60020 Stirling Drive, Bend, OR 97702
(541) 616-1082
prismartsllc@gmail.com

Denice’s Query Letter
What I learned doing this assignment is the more you work with these easy-to-understand, profound lessons, the more you know your story and characters and the better you write. AI was extremely helpful.

Title: Dreambound, a one-hour, fantasy action series by Denice Hughes Lewis

What secrets unfold when a dragon marks a teenager’s limo with a constellation of stars?

Maya is unaware of father’s heritage as the Dreamweaver, who balances the dream realm with reality. When her powers begin to manifest through unsettling visions, Maya is reluctant to confide in her father, the only person who can guide her.

Her father is kidnapped by a monster and disappears through a fiery portal into the dream world.

Maya’s grandmother takes her to her home and safety. Forced to assume a false identity, Maya navigates the perils of public school, and its torment. She discovers her father’s secrets hidden in the basement. Overwhelmed and angry, her emotions trigger the celestial tattoo on her wrist, opening a portal into the dream realm.

Snatched by a metal claw from the dream side of the portal, Maya vanishes.

In the first season, Maya’s quest to find her father and master her powers is fraught with moral dilemmas, betrayals, and tests of her resolve and strength. She struggles to thwart covert Dream Forgers who manipulate dreamers for power and profit from the real world. This sets the stage for their ultimate confrontation and her battle to protect both worlds from collapse.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

BIO: I have an IMDB credit for a short film and won a Catalina Film Festival contest.

Contact Information:
Denice Hughes Lewis
60020 Stirling Drive, Bend, OR 97702
(541) 616-1082
prismartsllc@gmail.com

Denice’s Query Letter
What I learned doing this assignment is the more you work with these easy-to-understand, profound lessons, the more you know your story and characters and the better you write. AI was extremely helpful.

Title: Dreambound, a one-hour, fantasy action series by Denice Hughes Lewis

What secrets unfold when a dragon marks a teenager’s limo with a constellation of stars?

Maya is unaware of father’s heritage as the Dreamweaver, who balances the dream realm with reality. When her powers begin to manifest through unsettling visions, Maya is reluctant to confide in her father, the only person who can guide her.

Her father is kidnapped by a monster and disappears through a fiery portal into the dream world.

Maya’s grandmother takes her to her home and safety. Forced to assume a false identity, Maya navigates the perils of public school, and its torment. She discovers her father’s secrets hidden in the basement. Overwhelmed and angry, her emotions trigger the celestial tattoo on her wrist, opening a portal into the dream realm.

Snatched by a metal claw from the dream side of the portal, Maya vanishes.

In the first season, Maya’s quest to find her father and master her powers is fraught with moral dilemmas, betrayals, and tests of her resolve and strength. She struggles to thwart covert Dream Forgers who manipulate dreamers for power and profit from the real world. This sets the stage for their ultimate confrontation and her battle to protect both worlds from collapse.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

BIO: I have an IMDB credit for a short film and won a Catalina Film Festival contest.

Contact Information:
Denice Hughes Lewis
60020 Stirling Drive, Bend, OR 97702
(541) 616-1082
prismartsllc@gmail.com

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch
What I learned doing this assignment is to keep honing in on the most important aspects of the series that can make it more appealing in a pitch and save the details for questions.
High Concept: If a teen Dreamweaver can’t restore balance between dreams and reality,
mankind is doomed.
Elevator Pitch: Can a spoiled, insecure teen girl save the dream world before it’s destroyed by a covert organization in the real world?

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Synopsis Hooks
What I learned doing this assignment is that this process makes writing a synopsis a little less intimidating. It’s still difficult to hone in on the most important elements of the series.
Series Synopsis
Maya is dream bound, desperate to find her kidnapped father in the realm of dreams. His secret life leaves Maya unprepared to accept her heritage as the next Dreamweaver. Creating portals with the power of the star constellation on her wrist, Maya travels in her physical body to the dream world. Her reckless, unchecked emotions affect its balance with reality, with life and death consequences. Dream traders, dream thieves, memory swipes, and hunters from both worlds seek the bounty for the capture of the Dreamweaver, but don’t know they’re looking for a girl. The Dream Forgers pose the biggest threat by manipulating dreamers for control and financial gains in the real world. With the search for her father, family secrets, surprising supporters, and evading the enemy, can Maya fulfill her destiny and save both worlds or fulfill the prophecy of her death?

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s 10 Most Interesting Things
What I learned doing this assignment is that it was necessary to cut down the information to the bare essentials. I chose ten most interesting things each for the series and pilot. It was easier to focus on the protagonist in the series because the pilot set the story up.

10 Most Interesting Things
Series:
1. Maya’s emotions affect the dreamworld.
2. Her enemy is her mother.
3. Her invisible birthmark opens portals and gives her the power of light.
4. Her grandmother’s infiltration of the Dream Forgers endangers the family.
5. There is a bounty on her head.
6. She’s the first female Dreamweaver.
7. The villain is her grandfather.
8. She has the key to be the savior of both worlds.
9. She’s determined to save her kidnapped father.
10. Her mother is alive and in a coma. It’s Lysandra.

Pilot:
1. Maya’s father, Blake, is kidnapped by a monster.
2. He’s the Dreamweaver, in charge of keeping balance between dreams and reality.
3. Maya is the first female Dreamweaver.
4. The Dark Dreamer wants Blake’s power to live in the real world.
5. Dark Dreamer doesn’t know she’s Blake’s wife and Maya’s mother.
6. Maya’s negative emotions cause her birthmark to appear.
7. Maya doesn’t know her mother is alive.
8. Dreamweavers travel in the dream realm in their physical bodies.
9. Maya’s anger causes events from the dream realm to appear in the real world.
10. She fights in two worlds at the same time.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice Producer/Manager
What I learned doing this assignment is that I’ve never thought of pitching in this specific way. It’s much more efficient.
!. How will I present myself and my project to producers?
I have a high concept for a TV series with a teen heroine. It is well-written in the fantasy, acIon genres you produce. Strong teen girls in jeopardy are popular on television. There are also great parts for other teens and adults.
I’m an editor familiar with working with others and taking good notes.
I understand constraints of budgets and am willing and eager to make whatever changes might be necessary.
2. How will I present myself and my project to managers?
I’m a published writer.
I wrote two, produced shorts locally. With wriItng partners, we won the Catalina Film FestIval with a fantasy.
As an editor, I’m comfortable with collaboratIng and know the importance of listening and taking notes.
I’m a highly motIvated full-tIme writer specializing in fantasy acIon. I have marketable projects.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Marketable Components
What I learned from this assignment. Writing has been a close-up, complicated view of the series pilot. It’s actually a relief to view it from a business perspective. By using the ten components, it was easier to focus on the most important selling points of the series.
Current logline for series: A spoiled, insecure teenager discovers her kidnapped father’s secrets and her destiny as the first female Dreamweaver, only to be targeted for death in two worlds.
Current logline for pilot: Ripped from her life when her father is kidnapped, a spoiled, insecure teenager discovers her heritage as a Dreamweaver and escapes through a dream portal to find him.
Two components with the most potential for selling the script:
1. Wide audience appeal:
The series already has appeal for the teen, young adult viewer with a sixteen-year-old, female protagonist.
I can emphasize the huge television market for young adult fantasy and action with a teen protagonist who is unprepared to confront life and death decisions that affect the world of dreams and reality.
2. Unique – A teen girl has to save two worlds.
I can emphasize her lack of emotional control and experience that affects the balance of the dream realm and reality, with life and death consequences for both worlds.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Project and Market
What I learned doing this assignment is that it takes a different mindset to approach this business model and a disconnect from the emotional aspect of rejection.
Genre: Fantasy action
Title: Dreambound
Concept: An insecure teenager physically enters the dream world to find her kidnapped father
and discovers she’s the next Dreamweaver, the first female, and there are those who
want her dead.
What is most attractive about my story? A spoiled, insecure teen must control her emotions
and accept responsibility for balancing and saving the dream world and reality as the
first female Dreamweaver. She straddles two worlds with enemies tracking her in both.
Target: I will target managers first because they know more than I do about the players, and I
desire a partnership.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice is ready to exchange feedback at prismartsllc@gmail.com. I have a fantasy adventure.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice Finished Wordsmithing
What I learned doing this assignment is that I love wordsmithing.
Examining every word led to changes in dialogue, sometimes before or a?er, or in previous scenes. Cuttng words made it easier to read and less cluttered. I can’t point to a specific interesting edit or improvement; there were many. The biggest change came with noticing and changing the repetive information and the voices of the characters.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice Has Amazing Description
What I learned from this assignment is how much better it is to isolate the different processes in each draft. These steps allow the specific direction to take while adding the emotion and it’s fun. I have a lot of single sentence descriptions that are hard to find solutions for. Working on it.
1. Before: Limo passes indistinct industrial buildings in the fog.
After: Limo creeps behind ghost-like cars, past industrial buildings, indistinct in the
clammy gloom.
2. Before: She nervously removes her hand. The claw marks are gone.
After: She removes her quivering hand. The claw marks have vanished. What is happening to me?
3. Before: She gasps. Her eyes narrow.
After: She grabs her stomach, loneliness and betrayal coiling in her eyes.
4. Before: Blake watches her go. Every step she takes, sparks shoot out of the bottom of her shoes.
After: He marches after her. Inhales sharply. Sparks of light shoot from her shoes with every angry step she takes. She’s my successor?
5. Before: An ominous SHADOW materializes over Emerson.
After: An ominous SHADOW materializes over Emerson, covering him in a whirlwind
of silent wraiths.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice Has Great Character Descriptions
What I learned doing this assignment is that most of my descriptions are generic, without interest or excitement, even though I thought they were. Breaking down the elements makes it easier to recognize where the changes need to take place. One step at a time is a better way to create more exciting descriptions. I will do these steps for every description, but want to keep going with the lessons to keep up.
1. How I improved the main sub-world was to create a pastoral scene and add a horde of horned monsters. It’s only a glimpse in the teaser before it’s gone. When I revisited the scene, I added children with home-made weapons as part of the resistance against the monsters to add more emotion.
2. I improved the main character by adding irony. My teen is rich, but her bedroom is minimalistic.
3. How I improved irony was to find a boring description of an entombment and make it slower and more magical.

[Denice Lewis]

BWTV AI, Module 4, Lesson 12, Improving Descrip=on
What I learned doing this assignment is WOW. I love this way to approach description! What great tools to make you think in a different way to improve the emotional impact.
5 Examples:
1. Before: Eerie fog surrounds the car.
After: Fog crawls over the car like a prowling cat.
2. Before: Rider runs Blake through a kalideoscopic world. Over treacherous layers of
shifting ground that rise and fall.
After: Rider runs Blake through blinding colors of the dream world. The treacherous land
underfoot splits in ragged layers and throws them to the ground.
3. Before: Darkness pulsates with writhing creatures, erupting fire, skeletal mountains,
dripping trees, scurrying monsters.
After: Jagged mountains burn, their deformed trees dripping skeletal arms over
salamanders writhing in the erup=ng fire.
4. Before: Sophia weeds in a garden of herbs, beans, other Native American plants.
After: Sophia smudges her tears with moist ground from her garden. Hands shake when
they caress her Native American plants and herbs.
5. Before: Maya blinks her eyes at strange creatures, animals, and people who fight a tribe
of deadly horned monsters.
After: Mystical creatures and children raise their home-made weapons against a tribe of deadly horned monsters.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice Has Great Dialogue
What I learned doing this assignment is that I should have saved every individual draft instead of changing the characters’s words in the dialogue lessons. So I didn’t have the worst lines to use in this lesson. After Hal told me the way to handle teaser, I had to rearrange and rewrite scenes which led to changing the dialogue to fit.
Examples of Before and A8er
1. Before: Maya: He’d never let me leave the house.
After: And loosen the noose?
2. Before: James: If you could just master the one-handed cartwheel.
After: Ready for the CEO?
3. Before: Sophia: Oh my God.
After: Sosondowah, protect us.
4. Before/After: Instead of showing Maya is good in math, when I changed the teaser, it made me consider what attributes Maya needed to help her navigate the dreamworld and avoid her adversaries other than dance/fighting. Breakthrough! I made her an exceptional actress. This transformed the scene and kind of classroom completely. Now ,the English teacher gives the students a monologue to perform in class. Maya gets one from a Pulitzer prize-winning play. She blows away the students and teacher. This was also a btter way to show her photographic memory.
5. I also changed a dance/fighting scene so that only Maya’s male opponent speaks as they are showing their moves. Her answers are the moves she makes and the places that she would hit, if this was a combat sport. His dialogue uses teen slang that’s mildly suggestive which gives her reasons to get mad and not speak until she gives him a final line.
Before: Maya: If you could master being human.
After: Red flag, extra.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Dialogue 7-8
What I learned from this assignment is that it helped me solve a problem in my teaser, add subtext and another layer, and get to the cliffanger the way I wanted. I only had two lines of dialogue without subtext before. The ‘afrer’ needs more work, but it’s going in the right direction.

DIALOGUE ACTION:
BEFORE:
James performs a one-handed cartwheel.

JAMES
When will you master the one-handed moves?

MAYA

When you master being human.

AFTER:

The Capoeira dance/fighting moves never stop during the dialogue.

James performs a walkover kick. Maya crouches low, twists away.

JAMES
You’re not from around here.

She does an outside, inside crescent kick, an inch from his stomach.

JAMES
Secrets get me hot.

He negates her move with a roll on the ground and a push kick. She cartwheels away, rolls on one side to evade his diagonal kick.

JAMES
Your moves are fetch. We need to connect.

She glares at him. Flips in the air. Kicks one leg, the other. He does an arial cartwheel.

JAMES
Admit it, princess. I’m better than you.

She falls backward, scuttles away like a crab.

JAMES
Look good on your back. Let me teach you a layout later.

She punches with a flat hand toward his face, half-an-inch away.

MAYA
Your credentials don’t measure up.

Her four horizontal fingers flash sparks.

The lights go out in the room.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Dialogue 3-5
What I learned from doing this assignment is that I have this kind of dialogue in my pilot, but I didn’t know it or didn’t do it consciously, or I did in previous lessons. I need to go through the whole script to see how to add more of these dialogue skills where they’re missing. I noticed I have a lot of setups that don’t payoff until later in the pilot or the series. Since this is a fantasy, I realize I have a lot of description and action, even though it’s not in blocks.

SCENE 1. BEFORE
INT. HALL – DAY

MAYA
Remember your promise?
BLAKE
Of course. I’m warning you. Your life will change once
you know what I do. You won’t be able to tell anyone.
MAYA
You can trust me. If I was homeschooled, I could go with you.
He ruffles her hair.
BLAKE
You need to associate with kids your own age.
MAYA
I don’t need them. Only you. You’re spending more and more time away.

AFTER
INT. HALL – DAY

MAYA
Remember your promise? SET UP, ANTICIPATORY
BLAKE
Of course. Your life will change once you know what I do
and you won’t be able to tell anyone. ANTICIPATORY WARNING
MAYA
You can trust me, Daddy. IRONY, SHE’S JUST STOLEN MONEY FROM HIS DESK. If I was homeschooled from now on, I could go with you on all your trips.
BLAKE
You need to do things with other teenagers.
MAYA
How? You won’t let me go to parties. IRONIC
(imitating his voice)
I don’t want you associating with rich kids who
have access to alcohol, drugs, and parties with
no adult supervision.
BLAKE
A father needs to protect his daughter. SETUP, ANTICIPATORY
MAYA
You’re never home. IRONIC I need you, not a bunch of snobby friends.

SCENE 2. BEFORE & AFTER, DIDN’T CHANGE THE SCENE

BLAKE
Tell me about your dream.
SOPHIA
You and Maya are in danger. SETUP, ANTICIPATORY
BLAKE
I’ve made sure we’re safe here. Nothing can find us unless I want it to. ANTICIPATORY, WHY THE WORD, IT?
SOPHIA
Are you prepared if something happens at work? ANTICIPATORY, SETUP BLAKE
I’m not going to stop trying to save Lysandra. SETUP
SOPHIA
Let her go. She doesn’t remember she’s your wife. PAYOFF
BLAKE
She’s Maya’s mother. I have to try. SETUP, ANTICIPATORY
SOPHIA
Why? You’ve never told Maya. IRONIC IN REGARD TO BLAKE, MAYA’S LIES

BLAKE

I have hope. ANTICIPATORY

She grabs his arm.
SOPHIA
I won’t lose you like I did your father. I can’t. PAYOFF, SETUP, ANTICIPATORY

Blake takes a folder from a desk.
BLAKE
If it ever comes to that, here are copies of all my papers. Finances, stocks, your guardianship of Maya. Carrie and Walter are taken care of. There’s also a letter for Maya, if something happens to me. Here’s the remote, in case. IRONIC – WORDS OPPOSITE ACTION, ANTICIPATORY, SETUP

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Dialogue 1 & 2
What I learned doing this assignment is that all scenes need dialogue help. I had the required attack/counterttack for the scene I chose. It needed to be elevated to make it be more of a reflection of my protagonist’s insecurity, inner anger, and ability to defend herself, in an unexpected way.

Before: The scene is a typical beginning-of-school scene. It’s Maya’s sixteenth birthday, but she doesn’t want anyone to know. Her Dad donates heavily to the school and everyone knows it. Her only girlfriend gives her a present, and an unwanted teen boy gives her a rose.

After: To make everything worse, I cotinued the scene by having some of the students unveil a banner that says, “Happy Birthday, Princess Maya” as she rounds a corner. A Jock tries to hand her a scepter while students bow. But instead of her usual avoidance, she surprises everyone by kicking and breaking the scepter and continuing to class.

How I improved their dialogue: I added dialogue for more needed information and conflict, and to reflect more of the main character’s profile. I still need to do more, even if I already did one pass. The dialogue of one character relies on what comes before and after, so it was necessary to change other character dialogue, too.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice Completed P/S Grid #2
What I learned doing this assignment is. I’m grateful for these grids. They condense a lot of information in a short amount of space allowing the ideas to flow easier. and faster.

I checked each of the index entries with my script. I realized I needed the following:

1. More empathy/distress with the interactions between my main characters. This allowed

   me to quickly fill in more since my script is short and added about five pages of junk

   dialogue. I continued anyway.

2. I added more interesting introductions to the secondary characters.

3. I strengthened the conflict in weaker scenes by adding more emotion.

4. I feel there is still more I can do with the school scenes, but need to leave them for the

   dialogue lesson.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice Completed P/S Grid #1
What I learned doing this assignment is that I needed better ‘before’ pictures of my main characters. I have a tendency to jump right into the story instead of laying the ground work that will setup and show the growth needed for my teen protagonist. The feedback helped as well as Grid #1.

Since Dreambound is a fantasy, it’s sIll tricky to add a few fantasy elements without giving too much away before the midpoint because my heroine knows nothing about the dream world she will inhabit or her father’s involvement with it.

My main problem was with scene structure in Act 1. I needed to add several scenes, rearrange, and cut some scenes in the other acts to make everything work be<er. I did this in the outline and went back to change the slug lines to fit. Now I have to speed write the new scenes. I rechecked with AI about my outline and will consider that feedback in the next lesson.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice Has Finished Acts 4 and 5

What I learned doing this assignment is that even though I know I’m short on the pages for the pilot, I’m not worrying about it. I’m thinking about what I need to add, but not stressing about it. I’m ready for the next step in the process because it’s so freeing.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice Finished Act 3, First Draft

What I learned doing this assignment is how much fun I’m having. Although I don’t have access to Lessons 4 and 5, I finished the first draft because I didn’t want to stop the impetus. I’m 20+ plus pages short, but it doesn’t bother me. I trust the process.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice Finished Act 1, First Draft

What I learned doing this assignment is to keep going and never look back. I didn’t go back to edit (a wonder), but did add a couple of lines of dialogue when they popped in my head. It was freeing not to think about having anything perfect.

[Denice Lewis]

Dreambound’s Tease/High Speed Writing

What I learned doing this assignment: Speed writing is not something I do, but I’ve done a lot of things in this class that are a first for me, and I will continue to do so. I was proud of myself for writing faster and hope to get faster with the next pages.

[Denice Lewis]

I would be happy to exchange feedback on my fantasy. Just email your pdf to prismartsllc@gmail.com. Thank you!

[Denice Lewis]

Hi Lenore! I would be delighted to read your comedy if you want to exchange for feedback.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Outline with Intrigue
What I learned doing this assignment is that the use of this lesson makes you reevaluate your scenes, add new ideas, find the holes, and fix them.

TEASER

INT. LIMOUSINE, MOVING – DAY – MYSTERY

Maya bribes her driver on the way to a secret dance/fighting class. A lightning dragon appears and spews pinpoints of light in a star constellation on the window. Maya screams. It vanishes. Driver doesn’t see it.

(OL) Why is Maya bribing the limo driver?
(M) Why does a dragon appear and where did it go?

(E/D) Maya screams. Limo veers.
(OL) What do the pinpoints of light mean?

EXT. SEEDY STREET/OLD BUILDING – DAY – HIDDEN AGENDA

She hurries toward an old building. Gets tangled in feathers from dreamcatchers blowing across the entrance. Her greatest rival laughs, helps her. Embarrassed, she walks into class.

(OL) What is the significance of the dreamcatcher?

(E/D) Maya is embarrassed to be helped.

INT. CAPOEIRA DANCE STUDIO – DAY – INTRIGUE

Maya takes dance/fighNng lessons. When her turn comes to spar, she’s paired with the only boy she can’t beat. During the fight, the star constellation lights up on her wrist and a dream world superimposes itself over the room, making her fight in two worlds. She’s not winning. A monster claws her, a flash of light, and darkness.

(Irony) Maya is embarrassed to be helped, but has a lot of confidence in her fighting ability.

(OL) Why does the star constellation appear on her wrist and what does it mean?
(M, Setup) What is the world superimposed over the room?
(M, Setup) Who is she fighting with against the monsters?

(E/D) She’s losing both fights.
(E/D) A monster claws her causing a flash of light and darkness.

ACT 1

INT. CAPOIERA STUDIO – CONTINUATION – DECEPTION

Flashlights highlight the students. Maya hides the wound on her wrist. She texts for the limo, but it’s outside. Teacher cancels class.

(E/D, OL) Maya hides the wound on her wrist. (M) Why won’t she tell the instructor?

(Setup) Why is the limo outside?

EXT. OLD BUILDING – DAY – SECRET

Her father, Blake, confronts Maya about her taking classes in a dangerous part of town, and lying. She changes her mind about telling him the weird things that are happening to her. Checks her wound. It’s gone. He lectures her about the value of telling the truth and also that her grandmother is at the house. Maya’s not happy about the news.

(E/D) Maya’s dad is with the limo, catching her in her lie about ballet.
(E/D) She won’t tell him about the weird things happening to her because he won’t believe her.

(OL) Her wound miraculously heals.
(Setup) He lectures her about the value of telling the truth and that her grandmother is at the house.
(E/D, M, Setup) Maya ‘s not happy about the news and hopes he’ll still take her to work after school like he promised.

INT. MAYA’S HOME, LIVING ROOM – DAY – WOUND

Sophia is Blake’s mom and Maya’s grandmother waits for them. She’s Native American and talks about a prophetic dream of Maya in danger. Sophia’s concern is too motherly for Maya who is infuriated since she never knew her mother. Dad tries to smooth things over, but Maya stomps upstairs to get ready for school.

(M) Mom/Grandma tells of with a prophetic dream of Maya’s danger.
(E/D) Maya doesn’t know her grandmother and dislikes her motherly concern since she’s never known her mother.

(Irony) Dad thinks he’s smoothing things between them.

INT. BLAKE’S SECRET ROOM – DAY – SECRET IDENTITY

Blake has to go on a dangerous trip and he needs Sophia to take care of Maya. He gives her all of his important papers, including a note to Maya. Sophia doesn’t want him to go because that’s how his father died. He also tells her it’s his last chance to save his wife, a mother Maya doesn’t know exists. They argue.

(M) Why does Blake have a secret room?
(OL, M) Dad has to go on a dangerous trip and needs his mom to take care of Maya.

(OL, Setup) Where is he going that he needs to leave conservatorship to his mom?

(M) Will he survive?
(M, Setup) What’s in Dad’s note to Maya?
(M) How did his dad die?
(OL, M, Setup) Where is his wife that she needs to be saved?

(M) Why doesn’t Maya know about her mother?
(Irony) Blake has lied to his daughter.

INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY – DECEPTION

Blake and Sophia stop arguing when Maya enters the room. She’s excited to go with her father to work afer school. He tells her she can’t. Maya is mad when he betrays her trust and runs upstairs to get a jacket. Sophia warns him Maya’s rebellious nature will get her in trouble.

(OL) Blake and Sophia stop arguing. What does Maya overhear?
(Payoff) Maya is excited about going to work with her father.
(E/D) He’s not taking her.
(M) Maya runs upstairs with an excuse to get her jacket.
(Setup) Sophia tells Blake his daughter’s rebellious will get her in trouble.

INT. BLAKE’S OFFICE UPSTAIRS – DAY – HIDDEN AGENDA

Maya tries to open a drawer in her father’s desk to find it locked. Her emoNons cause a streak of light on her wrist to travel to her fingers. The lock opens. She steals a lot of money from the drawer.

(M) What does Maya want in her father’s desk?
(Setup) Her emotions trigger the light in her wrist.
(OL) What is the extent of her power?
(OL) What is she going to do with the money she’s stealing?

INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY – WOUND

Maya gives dad a chance to change his mind. He tries to apologize, but they argue about his secret job. She destroys a picture of the two of them, strides out, slamming the front door which flashes in light. Blake sees this, concerned, but doesn’t tell his mother.

(E/D) Maya and her dad argue about his betrayal.

(M) What is his secret job? How can he lie to her?

(Payoff) She breaks a picture of them.
(M, OL) What else can her powers do?

(M) Why doesn’t Blake tell his mother about the light around the door?

ACT 2

EXT. PRIVATE SCHOOL – DAY – HIDDEN AGENDA

Maya orders her limo driver to stay. Maya’s quirky friend wants to know if she had a bad dream. An admirer butts in. She fends him off, only wants to borrow his dirt bike. She tells him its payback for her father and pays him. They sneak the bike into school.

(Setup) Why does Maya want the limo driver to wait for her?
(Irony) Maya’s quirky friend is in tune with Maya’s feelings, but Maya brushes her off.

(M) Why is Maya using the boy?
(Setup) What are her plans for the dirt bike?

INT. SECRET ROOM, LAB – DAY – SECRET

Worried about the light caused by Maya, Blake locks himself in his secret room, ignoring his mother’s protests. He looks into an ancient astronomy book. Holds his hands over various constellations. His hand becomes fire and highlights one of the constellations. He breaks an amethyst crystal from a rock and makes an amulet in the shape of a swan with fire from his hands and mind. He pockets the necklace.

(M, E/D) Why is Blake locking himself in?
(Setup) What is he researching in the astrology book?

(M) Who is he and how can his hand be on fire?

(Setup) What constellation is it?
(OL) How does he have powers?
(OL, Setup) Why is he making a swan necklace?

INT. BLAKE’S GARDEN – DAY – HIDDEN LAYER

Sophia wanders into the garden to summon her dead husband, worried that her chant won’t work. He appears and they argue about her fears, guilt for what she did to Blake’s wife. He tells her that what will happen, needs to. A dark shadow swallows her husband in darkness and she flees inside.

(E/D) She’s worried about her son.
(M) Why is she chanting?
(M) How can she summon her dead husband? (

OL) What did she do to Blake’s wife?
(Setup) What does her husband know?

(Setup) Who is the dark shadow?

INT. SCHOOL HALLS – DAY – HIDDEN LAYER

Maya dismisses the boy and decides to ride the bike up and down the halls while kids are hurrying to class. But whispers and visions from the dream realm appear that mirror her ride, making it more difficult and dangerous. Confused when she sees her father in danger, she slides into a wall.

(Payoff) Maya rides the bike in the halls.
(M) She hears noises, whispers.
(E/D) Visions appear that mirror her ride, making it more dangerous.

(Setup) She has a vision of her dad in danger.

(Payoff) She slides into a wall.

INT. PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE – DAY – WOUND

Unhurt, Maya faces an angry Principal. Maya listens to his lecture, but answers few questions. She lies and says she stole the bike, boyfriends are baggage. She’s expelled. Limo takes her home.

(E/D) Maya listens to the principal’s lecture about safety, caring for fellow students. She can tell him the truth about why she did such a thing.

(Irony) She lies and says she stole the bike for fun.

(Payoff) She’s expelled.

INT. BLAKE’S SECRET ROOM – DAY – DECEPTION

Maya hears arguing coming from a wall. She finds the secret door, opens it with light. Sophia is shocked. A ring of fire to the dream realm encircles a monster who has captured her dad. Maya screams. He throws the amulet to her. Maya runs to help her father, but he vanishes. Sophia gives her fifteen minutes to pack, they’re leaving. Maya refuses until Sophia says the police can’t help. Sophia shows Blake’s papers and gives his letter to her.

(M) Maya hears arguing voices in the wall.
(M) Sophia wants to know why she’s home.
(OL) Maya finds the secret door. Opens it with light.
(Setup) Sophia is shocked with Maya’s ability. It’s not possible.
(OL) A monster grabs Blake.
(Payoff) Blake throws the necklace to Maya.
(OL) Blake and monster disappear in a ring of fire.
(M) Sophia says the police can’t help.
(Payoff) She explains to Maya about her father’s papers. Gives her his letter.

(Setup) Sophia gives Maya 15 minutes to pack, they’re leaving.

INT. MAYA’S BEDROOM – DAY – WOUND

Shocked and confused, Maya grabs a duffel bag, stuffing in clothes. She hesitates when she sees the stuffed dragon and has a vision when her father gave it to her for protection. She stuffs it in her bag, her unread letter from him, and reluctantly leaves the room.

(E/D) Maya can barely funcNon as she packs.
(Setup) What is the significance of the dragon?

(Setup) She stuffs the letter from her father in her bag.

EXT. HOUSE – DAY – HIDDEN AGENDA

Maya reluctantly leaves the house while Sophia gives the deed for the limo to the driver and dismisses him. Sophia orders Maya into her car since both their lives are in danger. Maya asks the limo driver to take her with him. He shakes his head, leaves. Maya pulls out her cell phone. Sophia destroys it. Maya gets into her car.

(E/D) Sophia gives Blake’s driver the limo and papers. Maya asks him to take her with him.

(Setup) Sophia warns Maya that their lives are in danger.
(M) Who is Maya calling on her cell phone?
(E/D) Sophia destroys Maya’s phone. Maya gets into Sophia’s car.

INT. CAR – DAY – WOUND

Maya gazes out the back as visions of her childhood fill the window. She begs her grandmother to go back. The house implodes, shattering her images like shards of glass. Tears stream down her face.

(E/D) Visions of Maya’s childhood fill the rearview window. She begs her grandmother to go back.

(M) Why does Sophia blow up the house?
(OL) What is the danger to the family?
(E/D) Maya’s childhood shatters in shards.

ACT 3

EXT. GAS STATION/GROCERY STORE – NIGHT – STRANGE BEHAVIOR

Sophia stops for food and gas. Maya won’t speak to her and runs away. Visions and sounds frighten her and she collapses. Sophia finds her and helps her in the car.

(Setup) Sophia stops her car for food and gas. She smudges the license plate. Pays in cash.

(E/D) Maya runs away. Visions and sounds frighten her in the dark. She collapses.
(Irony) Sophia finds and consoles Maya.

EXT. DREAM WORLD – DAY – INTRIGUING WORLD

Blake runs through the dream world with the monster wrapped around him. The realm has unpredictable weather, shi\ing scenes that throw them off-balance. Blake tries to convince the monster to let him go, so he can balance the world. He’s worried that his feet are leaking fire. The monster has to take him to the Dark Dreamer.

(M) Why did the monster kidnap Blake?
(M) Why is this realm off-balance?
(Irony) The monster wants to let Blake go, but will lose its life.

(E/D) Why are Blake’s feet leaking fire?
(Setup) Monster is taking Blake to the Dark Dreamer.
(M) Who is the Dark Dreamer?

EXT. NIGHTMARE REALM – ALWAYS NIGHT – HIDDEN AGENDA/LAYER

The monster, a Rider, brings Blake to his kidnapper, Lysandra as she’s creating a nightmare. She’s attracted to him, but doesn’t remember she is his wife. He gently tries to awaken her memories. She wants his power and to be the next Dreamweaver and live in reality. He refuses to answer her questions so she creates a nightmare to fight him.

(Payoff) Lysandra, his wife, is the Dark Dreamer.
(M) Why did Lysandra kidnap him?
(E/D, OL) He gently tries to have her remember.
(E/D) She’s furious she has memory loss.
(Payoff) She wants his power as the Dreamweaver and to live in reality.

(E/D) He won’t answer her and she creates a nightmare for him to fight.

EXT. SOPHIA’S HOME – NIGHT
Sophia and Maya arrive at Sophia’s home in a rural area.

(M) Where are they?
(Setup) They’re in a safe, small town.

(E/D) Maya thinks it’s jail.

EXT. MAYA’S BEDROOM ROOM – NIGHT – SECRET IDENTITY

Sophia takes Maya to her bedroom. Maya is silent and closes the door in her grandmother’s face. She reads the letter from her father and bursts into tears.

(E/D) Maya shows little interest in the house.
(Setup) Sophia tells her she’s going to school tomorrow.

(E/D) Maya closes the door in her grandmother’s face.

(Payoff) She reads her dad’s letter. Bursts into tears.

MAYA’S DREAM – IMMINENT THREAT

Maya dreams of a beautiful place unNl it becomes dark and threatening. She runs toward voices laughing and yelling to find the Dark Dreamer and her father. After two tries, the Dark Dreamer creates a watery prison to hold Blake which weakens him. Maya wakes up screaming and Sophia comforts her.

(Setup) Maya dreams of the realm.
(E/D) She runs toward laughing and yelling to find the Dark Dreamer and her father.

(Payoff) Dark Dreamer incarcerates Blake on the third try.
(Irony) Sophia comforts her.

ACT 4

INT. SOPHIA’S GARDEN – DAY – SECRET IDENTITY

Maya joins Sophia in the garden and learns she’s been asleep for 32 hours and it’s time for school. Maya will have a new name, keep a low profile, and mind her, for their safety. Sophia gives her a choice between public school or foster care. Sophia drives her to school and will pick her up.

(OL) Why do they have to hide? Because her dad is a powerful man with enemies.
(Setup) Sophia gives her a choice, public school today or the foster care system.
(Irony) Maya will sNll have to go to public school.
(Setup) Maya will also have to obey her grandmother’s rules, have a new name, and keep a low profile.

(E/D) Maya vows to herself she’ll find a way out and find her father.

INT. SCHOOL CLASSROOM – DAY – SUSPICION

Maya avoids kids who whisper about her. No one knows the answer to the math problem. She gazes at the book, raises her hand and gives the answer showing her photographic memory. Snide remarks from the clique leader.

(Setup) Maya is a new student and object of a lot of attention.
(E/D) She can hear what the students are saying about her—rich and dumb.
(Payoff) She has a photographic memory, checks out the math problem in the book. Answers the question, verbatim.

(Irony) Snide remarks from the clique leader who couldn’t answer the quesNon. Class dismissed.

INT. HALL – DAY – IMMINENT THREAT

Maya hurries out of class. A jealous clique of girls insults her. They part in distaste when a Bully with a fox taboo asks Maya a provocative question. When he leans in for a kiss, Maya knocks his to the floor. Kids jeer both of them. He jumps up, ready to fight. Maya tries to walk away, but Bully grabs her. She defends herself like a graceful bird in flight that can’t be touched. She defeats him as the principal arrives.

(Setup) Clique of girls insult her. They part when a bully with a fox taboo asks Maya a question. He leans in for a kiss.

(Payoff) She pushes him and he falls down.
(E/D) She tries to walk away, but he gets in her face, ready to fight.

(Payoff) Maya can’t avoid the Bully. She defends herself and defeats him.

(Irony) Bully wants to know how to fight like she does.
(E/D) Principal arrives to take them to the office.

INT. PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE – DAY – WOUND

Maya and Bully get a lecture since she’s new and he’s in a group home. Neither admit to who started the fight. Principal suspends them for a week. Andrew secretly follows her.

(E/D) Maya and Bully listen to the principal’s lecture about Maya being new and the bully, Andrew, being in a group home.

(OL) Neither tell who started the fight.
(E/D) Both get suspended from school.
(Setup) Andrew secretly follows as Maya walks home.

ACT 5

EXT. SOPHIA’S HOME – DAY – MYSTERY

Maya plods up the road, but finds the house locked. She checks doors and windows. Sneaks around and discovers a back door to the basement. Andrew watches. Her fingers light up, unlock the door, and she hurries inside.

(M) Sophia is not home, the door is locked.
(M) Maya checks the back door. It’s for the basement.
(Irony) She unlocks the door to the only place that’s forbidden to her.

(M) Andrew watches her.
(Setup) What’s inside?

INT. BASEMENT – DAY – DECEPTION

Cabinets, boxes, and files are dark shadows in the dim light. Maya checks out the files and discovers pictures of portals, dream realms, and her father and grandfather being Dreamweavers. Unable to control her anger, a constellation appears on her wrist and lights up the room like she’s floating in a universe of stars. A swan-shaped portal opens in the wall. Sophia rushes in and tries to stop her. Maya throws boxes at Sophia. Hurries toward the portal. A paw grabs Maya and she disappears into the dream world.

(M) Orderly cabinets, boxes, files are dark shadows. Maya checks out the files.
(Setup) Andrew watches in a window.
(Payoff) Maya discovers answers about her grandfather, dad being Dreamweavers.
(E/D) Her anger lights up the constellation on her arm, and the room.

(Payoff) A swan-shaped portal opens in the wall.
(E/D) Sophia rushes in to stop her, afraid and wondering how the portal opened. Only Dreamweavers can go into the dream realm in their physical bodies. Maya will die, she can’t be a Dreamweaver. There has never been a female.

(Payoff) Maya throws boxes in Sophia’s way to get to the portal.
(Setup) Andrew sees it all.
(Irony) Maya reaches the portal. A paw inside grabs her wrist. She and the portal disappear in an electric storm.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Scene Requirements
What I learned doing this assignment is that this process makes you rearrange, fill, and elevate the information while giving me new ideas.

TEASER

INT. LIMOUSINE, MOVING – DAY

Maya bribes her driver on the way to a secret dance/fighting class. A lightning dragon appears and spews pinpoints of light in a star constellation on the window. It vanishes. Driver doesn’t see it.

Start: Maya bribes her limo driver to keep her lessons secret from her father.
Challenging Situation: It’s eerily foggy outside and the streets are slick.
Conflict: A lightning dragon barrels toward the limo.
Action: It spews pinpoints of light in a star constellation across the front window. Vanishes.

Finish: Scares Maya when the driver doesn’t see it.

EXT. SEEDY STREET/OLD BUILDING – DAY

She hurries toward an old building. Gets tangled in feathers from dreamcatchers blowing across the entrance. Her greatest rival laughs, helps her. Embarrassed, she walks to class.

Start: She glances at the sky, s?ll spooked.
Challenging Situation: Fog obscures the dreamcatchers.
Conflict: She’s spooked with feathers from dreamcatchers tangle in her hair.

Action: Her greatest fighting rival laughs. Helps her out of the dreamcatchers.

Finish: She proceeds to class, embarrassed.

INT. CAPIOERA STUDIO – DAY

Maya takes dance/fighting lessons. When her turn comes to spar, she’s paired with the only boy she can’t beat. During the fight, the star constellation lights up on her wrist and a dream world superimposes itself over the room, making her fight in two worlds. She’s not winning. A monster claws her, a flash of light, and darkness.

Start: She gets ready to spar.
Challenging Situa?on: She has to fight the only opponent in class she can’t beat.
Conflict: A dream world superimposes itself with the fight and she’s also fighting with a teen, other people, and animals against monsters.

Action: She’s not winning either fight.
Finish: A monster claws her arm, flash of light, darkness in the studio.

ACT 1

INT. CAPOIERA STUDIO – CONTINUATION
Flashlights highlight the students. Maya hides the wound on her wrist. Teacher cancels class.

Start: Flashlights highlight faces.
Challenging Situation: Can Maya hide her wound?
Conflict: Does she tell the instructor?
Action: She conceals the wound.
Finish: She’s relieved instructor cancels class. Calls limo on her cell, but it’s already outside.

EXT. OLD BUILDING – DAY

Her father, Blake, confronts Maya about her taking classes in a dangerous part of town, and lying. She changes her mind about telling him the weird things that are happening to her. Checks her wound. It’s gone. She’s silent as he lectures and they enter the limo.

Start: Dad catches her in a lie about taking ballet classes.
Challenging Situation: She’s hiding her wound.
Conflict: Does she tell him about the, dragon, her wound, the flash of light?

Action: She uncovers the wound. It’s gone.
Finish: They get in the limo while her father continues his lecture.

INT. MAYA’S HOME, LIVING ROOM – DAY

Maya and Blake arrive home to find his mom unexpectedly there. She’s Native American and talks about a prophetic dream of Maya in danger. Sophia’s concern is too motherly for Maya who is infuriated since she never knew her mother. Dad tries to smooth things over, but Maya stomps upstairs to get ready for school.

Start: They arrive home to an unexpected guest, his mom, her grandmother, Sophia.

Challenging Situation: Maya doesn’t really know Sophia.
Conflict: Sophia has a prophetic dream of Maya’s danger.
Action: She mothers Maya, which infuriates her.

Finish: Maya stomps upstairs to get ready for school.

INT. BLAKE’S SECRET ROOM – DAY

Blake has to go on a dangerous trip and he needs Sophia to take care of Maya. He gives her all of his important papers, including a note to Maya. Sophia doesn’t want him to go because that’s how his father died. He also tells her it’s his last chance to save his wife, a mother Maya doesn’t know exists.

Start: Blake explains that he needs her to stay and take care of Maya.

Challenging Situation: There’s turmoil at work and it could be dangerous. He wants Maya safe. Conflict: Sophia doesn’t want him to go because their work killed his father.
Action: He gets papers of conservatorship, finances, and gives them to Sophia, making her promise to protect Maya.

Finish: They argue about Blake seeing his wife where he’s going and his last a\empt to save her.

INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY

Blake and Sophia stop arguing when Maya enters the room. She’s excited to go with her father to work a]er school. He tells her she can’t. Maya is mad when he betrays her trust and runs upstairs to get a jacket. Sophia warns him Maya is too rebellious.

Start: Blake and Sophia cut their argument short when Maya comes into the room.

Challenging Situation: She’s excited because this is the day her dad promised to take her to work.

Conflict: He tells her she can’t go. She’s furious with his betrayal of their trust.

Action: She runs upstairs on the pretense of getting a jacket.
Finish: Sophia warns him that Maya is out of hand.

INT. BLAKE’S OFFICE UPSTAIRS – DAY

Maya tries to open a drawer in her father’s desk to find it locked. Her emo?ons cause a streak of light on her wrist to travel to her fingers. The lock opens. She steals a lot of money from the drawer.

Start: Maya tries to open a drawer in her father’s desk.
Challenging Situation: It’s locked.
Conflict: She’s frustrated as it’s never been locked before.
Action: Her emo?ons cause a thin streak of light from her wrist to open the lock.

Finish: She steals a bunch of money.

INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY

Maya gives dad a chance to change his mind. He tries to apologize, but they argue about his secret job. She destroys a picture of the two of them, strides out, slamming the front door which flashes in light. Blake sees this, concerned, but doesn’t tell his mother.

Start: Maya hurries into the room.
Challenging Situation: Her dad tries to apologize.
Conflict: They argue about his secret life.
Action: She smashes a picture of them together.
Finish: She storms out the door. It lights up. Dad sees it with concern.

ACT 2

EXT. PRIVATE SCHOOL – DAY

Maya orders her limo driver to stay. Maya’s quirky friend wants to know if she had a bad dream. An admirer butts in. She fends him off, only wants to borrow his dirt bike. She tells him its payback for her father and pays him. They sneak the bike into school.

Start: Maya orders the limo driver to stay.
Challenging Situation: A quirky friend wants to know what’s wrong. Did she have a bad dream? A teen who wants to be her boyfriend butts into the conversation. Conflict: She wants to borrow his dirt bike. He wants to know why. She’s getting back at her father.

Action: She pays him.

Finish: They sneak the bike into the school.

INT. BLAKE’S SECRET ROOM – DAY

Worried about the light caused by Maya, Blake locks himself in his secret room, ignoring his mother’s protests. He breaks an amethyst crystal from a rock and makes an amulet in the shape of a swan with fire from his hands and mind. He pockets the necklace.

Start: Blake hurries to his secret room and closes the door on his mother.
Challenging Situation: He needs to make an amulet for Maya, Breaks a crystal from an amethyst. Conflict: His mother wants to know what he’s doing. He won’t tell her.
Action: He forges a swan amulet out of fire from his hands.
Finish: He adds a chain and pockets the necklace.

INT. BLAKE’S GARDEN – DAY

Sophia wanders into the garden to summon her dead husband, worried that her chant won’t work. He appears and they argue about her fears, guilt for what she did to Blake’s wife. He tells her that what will happen, needs to. A dark shadow swallows her husband in darkness and she flees inside.

Start: Hurt, Sophia wanders the garden.
Challenging Situation: She needs advice from her dead husband, but her chants don’t always

summon him.
Conflict: She chants and a vision of her husband appears. They argue about her fears, guilt for what she did to Blake’s wife. He tells her that what will happen, needs to.

Action: She disagrees, needs to stop her son from leaving the house.

Finish: A shadow covers her husband in darkness. She flees into the house.

INT. SCHOOL HALLS – DAY

Maya dismisses the boy and decides to ride the bike up and down the halls while kids are hurrying to class. But whispers and visions from the dream realm appear that mirror her ride, making it more difficult and dangerous. Confused when she sees her father in danger, she crashes.

Start: Maya makes the boy leave her.
Challenging Situation: Where is the best place to ride the bike?
Conflict: She chooses the halls as kids hurry to class.
Action: She revs the motor as whispers, visions from the dream world appear that mirror her ride, making it more difficult and dangerous, especially when she sees her father in danger.

Finish: Confused, she crashes into a wall.

INT. PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE – DAY

Unhurt, Maya faces an angry Principal. Maya listens to his lecture, but answers few ques?ons. She lies and says she stole the bike, boyfriends are baggage. She’s expelled. Limo takes her home.

Start: Amazingly unhurt, Maya faces the Principal.

Challenging Situation: Principal wants to know why?

Conflict: Maya doesn’t answer. Principal lectures her.

Action: Maya lies and says she stole the boy’s bike.

Finish: She’s expelled from school. Limo takes her home.

INT. BLAKE’S OFFICE – DAY
Maya runs into her dad’s office. A ring of fire to the dream realm encircles a monster who has captured her dad. She screams. He throws the amulet to her. Maya runs to help her father, but he vanishes. Sophia gives her fifteen minutes to pack, they’re leaving. Maya refuses until Sophia says the police can’t help. Sophia shows Blake’s papers and gives his letter to her.

Start: Maya searches for her father.
Challenging Situation: Sophia wants to know why she’s home.
Conflict: Maya runs to her father’s office. A monster captures her father through a fiery ring into the dream world. Blake throws her the amulet before he vanishes.

Action: She screams and runs toward the flames. Sophia stops her. Flames disintegrate. Maya wants to call the police.

Finish: Sophia tells her she has 15 minutes to pack, they’re leaving. She shows Blake’s papers to Maya and gives her his letter.

INT. MAYA’S BEDROOM – DAY

Shocked and confused, Maya grabs a duffel bag, stuffing in clothes. She hesitates when she sees the stuffed dragon and has a vision when her father gave it to her for protection. She stuffs it in her bag, her unread letter from him, and reluctantly leaves the room.

Start: Maya grabs a duffel bag.
Challenging Situation: Her whole life is in this house.
Conflict: What to pack?
Action: She has a vision of her father when he gave her the stuffed dragon for protection.

Finish: She stuffs the dragon in her bag. Leaves the room.

EXT. HOUSE – DAY

Maya reluctantly leaves the house while Sophia gives the deed for the limo to the driver and dismisses him. Sophia orders Maya into her car since both their lives are in danger. Maya asks the limo driver to take her with him. He shakes his head, leaves. Maya pulls out her cell phone. Sophia destroys it. Maya gets into her car.

Start: Sophia gives limo driver deed to limo, releases him.
Challenging Situation: Maya doesn’t want to leave home.
Conflict: Sophia demands Maya’s obedience since both their lives are in danger. Maya asks driver to take her with him.

Action: Maya gets out her cell phone. Sophia destroys it.

Finish: Maya gets in the car.

INT. CAR – DAY

Maya gazes out the back as visions of her childhood fill the window. She begs her grandmother to go back. The house implodes, shattering her images like shards of glass. Tears stream down her face.

Start: Maya looks at her home through the back window.
Challenging Situation: Slow-mo?on sequences of her childhood memories.

Conflict: She begs her grandmother to stay.
Action: The house implodes, shattering her images like shards of glass.

Finish: Tears stream down her face.

ACT 3

EXT. GAS STATION/GROCERY STORE – NIGHT

Sophia stops for food and gas. Maya won’t speak to her and runs away. Visions and sounds frighten her and she collapses. Sophia finds her and helps her in the car.

Start: Sophia stops the car.

Challenging Situation: Maya gives her the silent treatment.
Conflict: Sophia tells her to stay in the car while she buys food.
Action: Maya runs away. Vision and sounds frighten her and she collapses.

Finish: Sophia consoles Maya.

EXT. DREAM WORLD – DAY

Blake runs through the dream world with the monster wrapped around him. The realm has unpredictable weather, shifting scenes that throw them off balance. Blake tries to convince the monster to let him go, so he can balance the world. He’s worried that his feet are leaking fire. The monster has to take him to the Dark Dreamer.

Start: Blake runs through the dream world.
Challenging Situation: Unpredictable weather, shi]ing scenes.
Conflict: He tries to convince the monster to let him go so he can balance the world.

Action: His feet start leaking fire.
Finish: Monster apologizes, but he has to take him to the Dark Dreamer.

EXT. NIGHTMARE REALM – ALWAYS NIGHT
The monster, a Rider, brings Blake to his kidnapper, Lysandra as she’s creating a nightmare. She’s attracted to him, but doesn’t remember she is his wife. He gently tries to awaken her memories. She wants his power and to be the next Dreamweaver and live in reality. He refuses to answer her questions so she creates a nightmare to fight him.

Start: Monster brings Blake to the Dark Dreamer, Lysandra, who is creating a nightmare.

Challenging Situation: She doesn’t remember she is his wife. He wants to be careful not to disrupt her memory loss, but try to help her remember.

Conflict: She wants his powers and to the next Dreamweaver. He refuses to tell her.

Action: She creates a nightmare for Blake.

Finish: He fights the monster in the nightmare.

EXT. SOPHIA’S HOME – NIGHT

Establishing scene. Sophia and Maya arrive at Sophia’s home and leave the car.

EXT. MAYA’S BEDROOM ROOM – NIGHT

Sophia takes Maya to her bedroom. Maya is silent and closes the door in her grandmother’s face. She reads the letter from her father and bursts into tears.

Start: Sophia shows Maya her bedroom.
Challenging Situation: Maya doesn’t speak.
Conflict: Sophia tells her she’s going to school tomorrow.

Action: Maya shuts the door and pulls out her father’s le\er.

Finish: His voice as she reads it. She falls into exhausted sleep.

MAYA’S DREAM

Maya dreams of a beautiful place un?l it becomes dark and threatening. She runs toward voices laughing and yelling to find the Dark Dreamer and her father. A]er two tries, the Dark Dreamer creates a watery prison to hold Blake which weakens him. Maya wakes up screaming and Sophia comforts her.

Start: A beautiful scene in the dream world
Challenging Situation: Dream world becomes dark and dangerous
Conflict: She runs toward someone yelling and someone laughing
Action: The Dark Dreamer creates two prisons that can’t hold her father, until she succeeds imprisoning him in water which weakens him.

Finish: Maya wakes up screaming and Sophia rushes in to comfort her.

ACT 4

INT. SOPHIA’S GARDEN – DAY

Maya joins Sophia in the garden and learns she’s been asleep for 20 hours and it’s ?me for school. Maya will have a new name, keep a low profile, and mind her, for their safety. Sophia gives her a choice between public school, foster care, or juvenile deten?on center. Sophia drives her to school and will pick her up.

Start: Maya joins Sophia in her garden and learns she’s been asleep.

Challenging Situation: Sophia lays down the rules: public school, new name, low profile, obedience. Conflict: Maya resists it all.

Action: Sophia gives her a choice between school, juvenile detention center, foster care

Finish: Sophia drives her to school. Maya takes in the area.

INT. SCHOOL CLASSROOM – DAY

Maya avoids kids who whisper about her. No one knows the answer to the math problem. She gazes at the book, raises her hand and gives the answer verba?m showing her photographic memory. Snide remarks from the clique leader.

Start: Maya turns pages in a math book assignment on the board.
Challenging Situation: She’s the new girl and object of interest by jocks and the most popular

clique.
Conflict: Comment is made about her looks, her clothes. She ignores them, but it hurts.

Action: Teacher asks for an answer to the math problem. No one volunteers. Maya gives it verbatim.

Finish: Kid points out her photographic memory. Snide remarks.

INT. HALL – DAY

Maya hurries out of class. A jealous clique of girls insults her. They part in distaste when a bully with a red fox tattoo asks Maya a provocative question. When he leans in for a kiss, Maya knocks him to the floor. Kids jeer both of them. He jumps up, ready to fight.

Start: Maya hurries out of class, trying to avoid kids.
Challenging Situation: She’s insulted by the clique.
Conflict: A bully asks her for help with opposite attraction theory. He has a red fox tattoo on his arm. Action: Bully leans in for a kiss.

Finish: Maya knocks him to the floor and kids laugh. He jumps up, ready to fight.

ACT 5

INT. HALL – CONTINUED

Students hover, but Bully pushes them aside and challenges Maya. She walks away, but he grabs her. She defends herself and becomes a like a graceful bird in flight that can’t be touched. She defeats him as the Principal arrives.

Start: Students hover like vultures.
Challenging Situation: Bully pushes students aside. Challenges Maya.

Conflict: Maya walks away, but bully grabs her.
Action: They fight and Maya looks like a bird in flight as she beats him. Finish: Principal shows up.

INT. PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE – DAY

Maya and Bully get a lecture since she’s new and he’s in a group home. Neither admit to who started the fight. Principal suspends them for a week.

Bully leaves to drive home. Maya walks.

Start: Maya and Bully face the principal.
Challenging Situation: Maya is a new student and the Bully is in a group home
Conflict: Neither will say who started the fight.
Action: Principal suspends them for a week. Says to tell them their sponsors/family should expect her call.

Finish: Principal releases Bully with a warning to drive straight home. Maya says she can walk.

EXT. SOPHIA’S HOME – DAY

Maya plods up the road but finds the house locked. She checks doors and windows. Sneaks around and discovers a back door to the basement. Her fingers light up, unlock the door, and she hurries inside.

Start: Maya plods up the road to the house.
Challenging Situation: The house is locked.
Conflict: She checks doors and windows.
Action: She tries the basement door. Her fingers light up and open the lock. Finish: She sneaks inside.

INT. BASEMENT – DAY

Cabinets, boxes, and files are dark shadows in the dim light. Maya checks out the files and discovers pictures of portals, dream realms, and her father and grandfather being Dreamweavers. Unable to control her anger, a constellation appears on her wrist and lights up the room like she’s floating in a universe of stars. A swan-shaped portal opens in the wall. Sophia rushes in and tries to stop her. Maya throws boxes at Sophia. Hurries toward the portal. A hand grabs Maya and she disappears into the dream world.

Start: She can’t find a light switch.
Challenging Situation: Li\le light filters into the room. Cabinets, boxes, and files stack against the wall like dark shadows.

Conflict: She hurries through files on the desk and finds information about her father and grandfather being Dreamweavers, pictures of portals, dream worlds. The more she reads, the angrier she gets.

Action: A constellation appears on her wrist and lights up the room as if she’s floating in a universe of stars. A portal in the shape of a swan opens up in the wall. She walks to inspect it when Sophia enters and screeches at her to stop.

Finish: Maya throws boxes in Sophia’s way. She reaches the portal. A hand grabs her and she disappears inside the dream world an electric storm.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Beat Sheet
What I learned doing this assignment is how many things can change, be added, and improve.

Show Concept: Trying to find her kidnapped father, a rebellious teen discovers she’s the savior of the dream world and has enemies who will kill her when they find out.

Inciting Incident: Maya discovers she has inherited powers from her dream-weaving father, when she opens a portal to the dream world and disappears inside.

A Story, High Concept: Maya learns of the dream realm and her dangerous position as the first female Dreamweaver in charge of balancing dreams and reality.

B Story: Colleagues and Competitors

Zander, the shapeshifter, Maya’s guide in the dream world Lysandra, Dark Dreamer in charge of nightmares
Sophia, Maya’s grandmother with secrets
Cutler – secret head Dream Forger, dream thieves, dream traders

C Story: Other relationships

Nightsmith, dragon mentor in dream world Andrew, her school friend, love interest Zander – dream world love interest Blake/Lysandra/Maya/Sophia – family Cutler, Sophia’s thought-dead fiancé/Sophia

TEASER

INT. LIMO – DRIVING -DAY

Maya bribes her limo driver. She’s scared when fog lights up in the shape of a monster outside the window until it vanishes.

EXT. SEEDY STREET – DAY

Maya leaves the limo, enters an old building.

INT. CAPIOERA STUDIO – DAY

Maya simultaneously fights in reality and another world against monsters to her confusion and shock. A monster claws her and everything flashes in light.

ACT 1

INT. CAPIOERA STUDIO – DAY
Maya hides her arm when flashlights show in the dark. Instructor cancels class.

EXT. CAPIOERA STUDIO – DAY

Her father, Blake, waits for her outside. They argue about her lying, ballet. She’s about to tell him about her claw marks when they disappear from her wrist.

INT. MAYA’S HOME – LIVING ROOM – DAY

Sophia, mother and grandmother, arrives unexpectedly with a prophetic dream of danger. She acts motherly which infuriates Maya who has never had a mother.

Maya runs upstairs to get ready for school. INT. BLAKE’S SECRET ROOM – DAY

Blake gives his mother papers of conservatorship over Maya, his money, and properties in case something happens to him. There’s unexplained turmoil at work.

INT. BLAKE’S OFFICE UPSTAIRS – DAY

Maya tries to steal money from her dad’s desk, but it’s locked. She’s surprised when her wrist sends light to her fingers and opens the lock.

INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY

Blake and Sophia argue about his trip and his desire to try one more time to help his wife, Lysandra, over her memory loss.

Maya comes downstairs in a private school uniform. She’s excited because this is the day Dad promised to take her with him to work after school for the first time.

Blake betrays Maya’s trust by taking back his promise. She storms out, slamming a door that lights up. Her father sees it, but doesn’t tell his mother.

ACT 2

EXT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
Blake hurries into his secret room and closes the door on his mother.

EXT. PRIVATE SCHOOL – DAY

Maya orders the limo driver to stay. She strolls toward school and is approached by a boy who wants to be her boyfriend. She pays him to help her get his dirt bike inside the school.

INT. PRIVATE SCHOOL – DAY

Maya causes chaos in the school by riding the bike up and down stairs. At the same time, sounds and visions from the dream world mirror her ride, making it dangerous and difficult.

INT. BLAKE’S SECRET ROOM – DAY

Blake breaks off a crystal from an amethyst stone and fashions it into a swan amulet by using fire from his hands. He adds a chain.

INT. BLAKE’S GARDEN – DAY

Sophia talks with her dead husband about her worries and guilt about Blake’s wife. He was killed where Blake is going.

INT. PRIVATE SCHOOL, PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE – DAY

Maya gets expelled indefinitely.

INT. BLAKE’S OFFICE – DAY

Maya stomps into the room as a monster encloses Blake in its legs. Blake throws the amulet to his daughter before disappearing through a fiery wall into a surreal landscape. It all vanishes.

Sophia arrives in time to see her son disappear.

Maya freaks, wants to call police. Sophia laughs. Shows her the papers Blake gave her. She gives Maya 15 minutes to pack, telling her their lives are in danger.

Maya refuses unless Sophia tells her where her father went. Sophia tells her he’s beyond their help. She can only see him in her dreams.

INT. MAYA’S BEDROOM – DAY

Maya hides the necklace around her neck. Packs a duffle bag. Looks at a stuffed dragon.

VIEW INTO THE PAST.

Blake gives Maya the stuffed dragon.

EXT. HOUSE – DAY

Sophia and Maya leave the house. Sophia gives the limo driver money and papers to the limo, tells him Blake doesn’t need his services.

Sophia gets in the driver’s seat of her car and orders Maya inside. Maya reluctantly enters.

INT. CAR – DAY
Maya looks out the back window. Sophia pushes a button. The house implodes.

ACT 3

INT. CAR – NIGHT

Sophia doesn’t answer Maya’s questions.

EXT. GAS STATION/GROCERY STORE – NIGHT

Maya runs away. Tries to use her cell phone.

EXT. ROAD – NIGHT

Visions and sounds frighten Maya. She collapses. Sophia picks her up. Offers food. Destroys Maya’s cell phone. Maya doesn’t tell her about the visions.

EXT CHANGING DREAM WORLD – DAY

Blake, entrapped by the monster, runs through surreal landscapes that keep morphing with unpredictable weather, dreamers, animals.

He tries to get the monster to let him go so he can do his job and balance dream world. Monster apologizes to The Dreamweaver—it’s under orders

INT. NIGHTMARE REALM – ALWAYS NIGHT

Lysandra, the Dark Dreamer, welcomes Blake. She wants to know where his powers come from. He won’t answer her questions, but tries to get her to remember who she is without risking telling her the truth.

It takes Lysandra three time to incarcerate Blake in a watery prison that will negate his fire element.

EXT. SOPHIA’S HOME – NIGHT

Sophia stops at a cozy rural house with a daylight basement on a dirt road. They carry their belongings into the house.

INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Sophia shows Maya her tiny bedroom. Tells her the basement is unsafe, stay out.

INT. MAYA’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Maya falls asleep crying, having lost everything that matters to her.

INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Sophia hears her granddaughter, torn between telling her the truth or protecting her. She talks to the portrait of her husband on the wall.

INT. MAYA’S ROOM – NIGHT
Maya tosses and turns.

HER DREAM
She sees her father imprisoned and tortured. Vows to save him.

ACT 4

INT. MAYA’S ROOM – DAY

Maya wakes up to Sophia giving her a steaming breakfast in bed.

Maya sees the red-rimmed eyes of Sophia. She buries her emotions when greeting Sophia.

Sophia lays down the rules: public school, new name, low profile, obedience.

INT. SCHOOL CLASSROOM – DAY

Maya shows her photographic memory, a new, smart girl and target for bullies, and the popular clique.

INT. HALL – DAY

Maya is bullied. Fights back with words to the girls. Instant cold shoulders. A jock bullies, leans in for a kiss. She puts a move on him. They square off, kids gather round.

ACT 5

INT. HALL – CONTINUED
Maya and Bully fight. She wins. They’re hauled off to the office. INT. PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE – DAY
Both kids are suspended for a week.

EXT. SCHOOL – DAY
Bully shadows Maya home.

INT. SOPHIA’S LIVING ROOM – DAY

Sophia is gone. Maya beelines for the basement. INT. BASEMENT – DAY

Maya sorts through boxes. Finds information about her father and grandfather, pictures of dream- world objects.

Her wrist lights up in a constellation pattern. She finds an astrology book and matches her constellation with the swan constellation. Light infuses her. A portal into the dream world opens in the wall.

Sophia rushes in, shocked.
Maya hurries toward the portal. Sophia tries to stop her.

Maya throws boxes in Sophia’s way. Pushes her head through the portal, gets grabbed by hands, and disappears into an electrical storm.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice Sets Up the Future
What I learned doing this assignment is that all the prepara8on before this point creates the setups and reveals. I tried the prompt two 8mes, the first by not adding my whole structure, the second by adding it. Unfortunately, the informa8on was nothing new.

Big Picture Setups in Pilot

1. Only a Dreamweaver can go into the dream world while not dreaming.

2. There has never been a female Dreamweaver.

3. Blake is the kidnapped Dreamweaver, taken to the dream realm.

4. Maya’s rebellious nature, her insecurity, and lack of knowledge about the dream world

5. Dream world is unpredictable and dangerous

6. Dream Forgers want to take over.

7. Dreamweaver powers are connected to star constellations and what else?

Pilot Setup/Reveals.

Teaser:
Setup: Maya is adept at dance-fighting. She’s secretive.

Reveal: She’s shocked to find herself fighting in two worlds simultaneously. Flash of light when a monster claws her.

Act 1:

Setup: Father, Blake, catches her. Her dependence on him and their love. Maya is rebellious. He’s controlling.

Sophia, grandmother, becomes caretaker when Blake betrays Maya’s trust and won’t take her with him to work.

Setup: Maya steals money from her father’s desk.

Reveal: Maya pulls a stunt at school to get suspended from school.

Act 2:

Reveal/Setup: Maya pays a school buddy to borrow his dirt bike.

Reveal: Maya rides dirt bike through the school.

Setups: Blake and Sophia talk about the dangers of his job and his wife. He creates an amulet with fire from his hands.

Setup: Sophia talks with a shadow of her dead husband.

Reveal: Maya returns home and sees her father kidnapped by a monster and disappear in a ring of fire.

Setup: Sophia gives Maya 15 minutes to pack, they’re leaving., Maya is in danger.

Reveal: Sophia takes the amulet from Maya. Blows up the house.

Act 3:

Setup: Blake argues with Lysandra, the Dark Dreamer, in the dream world. She has memory loss and is his wife, but he can’t tell her.

Setup: Sophia is torn between telling Maya the truth or protecting her. Setup: Maya has a nightmare of her father.
Act 4:
Setup: Maya wows to save her father.

Setup: Maya finds Sophia crying.

Maya’s emotional state causes dream-like distortions in her reality.

Setup: Sophia lays down the rules to Maya—public school, new name, low profile.

Setup: Maya is the new girl in school and target for bullies and the popular clique of girls. She fights back.

Act 5:
Setup: Bully and Maya fight. They get expelled.
Setup: They get expelled. He shadows her home.
Reveal: Sophia tells Maya about her father and grandfather being Dreamweavers. Setup: Maya and her father connect, but he cuts it off before Lysandra sees Maya. Reveal: Maya’s birthmark opens a portal and she goes after her father.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice Adds Empathy/Distress
What I learned doing this assignment is these techniques can help with the intricacies of the story and character interac<on. AI was okay at summarizing, but not at giving me anything new.

Teaser:
Maya enters her private limo next to the driver from her expensive house. She pays her driver extra money to keep the des<na<on secret from her father. Early morning weather is foggy and dreamlike. Whispers, laughs, and screams unseHle Maya, but only she hears them.

The limo takes her to a seedy part of town and she goes inside a building.

She’s taking a dance-figh<ng class (Capoiera). She spars with her worst rival, a guy, she’s determined to beat this <me.
(Worst possible moment) At the same <me, a surreal world superimposes itself that only she can see. She’s figh<ng next to another teen with humans, and animals against monsters. (Witnessing pain of others, external character conflicts, plot intruding on life) Some die and vanish which causes her pain, confusion, and stress.

She loses the fight in class.
(Physically threatening) She screams when a monster claws her wrist. A brilliant flash of white light obscures everything.

Act 1:
(Her secret is exposed) Dad finds her outside the fight studio. Their love and commitment is evident, but he’s smothering her with protec<on which makes her rebellious. He tells her she needs to quit the lessons because she could get hurt.

(Decision with Future Consequences) She doesn’t tell him about the vision or her wrist which is throbbing faint light and healing fast.

(Plot intruding on life) Sophia, grandmother, comes to stay because of a prophe<c dream of danger. She’s prac<cally a stranger to Maya. Sophia reminds her of when she took care of her when she was younger. Sophia gave Maya her favorite toy.
(Brings wound present) Sophia acts motherly, which infuriates Maya, who has never had a mother and pretends she hasn’t ever needed one.

(Hurts Dad) Maya blames her father. Rushes upstairs to get ready for school.

(Decision with future consequences) Dad gives Sophia a leHer to give to Maya in case something happens to him.
(Emo<onal dilemma) They argue about his trying one more <me to help his wife, Lysandra, remember her iden<ty.

(Brings Wound Present) Sophia is upset because his dad, her husband, was killed in the same business/area.

Maya steals a lot of money from Dad’s desk, which is now locked. She’s shocked when her fingers light up to open the lock.

(Betrayal) Dad breaks promise to take Maya with him on his business trip.
(Major loss) Maya says he’ll regret it. She storms off to school, slamming the door which lights up. Dad sees the lighted door, but Sophia doesn’t.
(Decision with Future Consequences) He has to go to stabilize the world and protect her from anyone finding out he has a daughter.

Act 2:
Maya pays the limo driver to wait for her when he drops her off at school. She is well-known, but stand-offish in school.
(External character conflicts) She beelines for a boy who wants to be her boyfriend. She pays him to help her get his motor bike inside the school.

(External character conflicts) Blake and Sophia argue about the dangers of his job, unpredictable weather, wild animals, emo<ons hint at connec<on to dream world.

(Plot intruding on life) Maya rides the bike through the school, up/down stairs, causing havoc. It is also chaos for her as voices, images, and sounds of the dream realm mirror her ride and make it difficult and dangerous.

(Create more loss) She gets thrown out of school, but didn’t intend for it to be forever. Gets in limo to go home.

Blake cra\s an amulet of fire with his hands, puts it on a chain.

(Major loss, present wound) Grandma has a conversa<on with the shadowy figure of her dead husband about the danger to the family and how she can’t protect them.

(Plot intruding on life) Maya returns home, runs to her father’s office to go with him. (Extreme consequences) He’s surrounded by a ring of fire that leads into a surreal world. Dad throws her the amulet.
(Plans that failed, major loss) A monster grabs him and they disappear into that world. Maya, horrified, hides the amulet. Sophia arrives.

(External character conflicts) Sophia gives Maya her dad’s papers that give her authority over Maya and his estate.
(Undeserved misfortune) Grandma gives Maya 15 minutes to pack.
(Raise the stakes) Sophia doesn’t know when or if Dad is coming back.

(Create more loss) Maya demands answers. Sophia tells her the only way she can find him is in her dreams.

(Undeserved misfortune) Dad is ridden by the monster through the dream world. (External character conflicts) The monster takes him to a beau<ful woman who is crea<ng nightmares, Lysandra.

(External character conflicts) Maya rebels at leaving her home, but packs, including her stuffed animal. Grandma ruffles through her duffel bag, smashes her cell phone, takes the amulet. Demands obedience.
(Extreme consequences) Sophia tells Maya her life is in danger if they don’t hide.

(Create more stress. Worst moment) Sophia blows up the house.
(Brings wound present) Maya has no mother and her father is gone.
(Create more loss) Maya’s old life is gone. Maybe short flashbacks to growing up.

Act 3
Sophia drives for hours.
(Plans that fail) At a gas stop, Maya runs away.
(Plot intruding on life) Visions and sounds slow her down. She tries to hitch a ride. It’s Sophia. They finally arrive at Sophia’s home.

(External character conflicts) Blake is The Dreamweaver, in charge of balancing the dream world with reality. He won’t answer Lysandra’s ques<ons.

(Brings his wound present) He can’t risk telling her she’s his wife and Maya’s mother with her memory loss.

(Make it more painful) Lysandra imprisons him, but it takes her three tries to make a prison of water that will hold his fire element.

(Extreme consequences) Sophia locks Maya in her new bedroom to protect her. Tells her to stay out of the basement because it’s unsafe.
(Plans that failed, emo<onal dilemma) She’s torn between telling Maya the truth or protec<ng her from it and talks to her husband. (Brings wound present)

(Plot intruding on life, witnessing the pain of others) Maya sleeps fibully and has a nightmare of her father and his prison. (Make it more painful) She sees him being tortured.

Act 4
Maya awakes in a strange bed, remembers her nightmare. Paces like a caged animal. Vows to herself that she will find and save her father.
(Witnesses pain of others) She sneaks downstairs to hear Sophia crying.
(Plot intruding on life) She buries her emo<ons when gree<ng Sophia which causes small incidents of flashing lights, dream-like distor<ons in her reality that Sophia doesn’t see.

(Extreme consequences) Sophia lays down the rules to Maya – public school, new name, low profile. Maya pretends to agree. Sophia takes her to school.

(Undeserved misfortune) Maya is the new girl and therefore no<ced by the jocks and the ruling girl clique. She walks away to taun<ng.

(External character conflicts) How can Blake protect his daughter, the dream realm, Lysandra, and reality while being imprisoned? He offers a bribe to the guard.

(Brings wound present) Lysandra tries charm and manipula<on on Blake. He kisses her because he can’t resist, but breaks it off even though he loves her.
(External character conflicts) Blake refuses to tell Lysandra where his powers come from. (Extreme consequences) Lysandra’s temper gets the best of her and she retaliates.

(Undeserved misfortune) Maya is accosted by the clique of girls. She tries to ignore them, but when they talk about her father, she finally talks back, making enemies.
(Undeserved misfortune) A guy bully accosts her. He’s big and strong.

(More physically threatening, forced decision) The emo<onal buildup from everything that has happened to her causes her to aHack the bully. It triggers the sight of the teen she fought with in the dream world in the teaser.

Act 5
(External character conflicts) Bully grabs her wrist to pull her in for a kiss. It shocks him and he gets angry. Maya fights with the bully to the cheers of the spectators.

(Plot intruding on life) Slow-mo<on highlights her birthmark glowing, her eyes flashing light, <ny electric shocks that only she sees, but the bully feels. Dream world visions begin to bleed into reality, disorien<ng her.

(External character conflict) The bully is about to punch Maya out when school authori<es stop the fight.
(Extreme consequences) They both get suspended from school.

(Raise the stakes) Bully follows Maya home.

Sophia isn’t home when Maya gets there. Maya beelines for the basement and discovers evidence about the dream world, her grandfather, and her father.

(Brings their wound present) Lysandra creates a nightmare that shows Blake’s greatest wound, witnessing his father’s death. She enjoys his suffering.

(Witnessing pain of others) Maya tunes into her father’s nightmare.
(Make it more painful) Maya and her father connect and communicate.
(Create more loss) When Blake sees Maya, he cuts off communica<on and disappears so Lysandra doesn’t see her.

(External character conflicts) Sophia returns home and finds Maya in the basement. Sophia is mad to find out Maya is suspended from school. Maya demands to know about her father. Sophia relents and tells her that they have to wait un<l he returns. Maya insists on finding him. (Major loss) Sophia tells her about the Dreamweaving line, and that it is inherited from father to son. Maya can only communicate with him in her dreams which is much safer.

Maya refuses Sophia’s answer. Frantically searches through papers for another way. Sophia grabs her.
(Exposed) Maya wrist lights up, revealing a birthmark of the swan constella<on. It opens a glowing portal into the dream world.

(Need at significant risk) Maya rushes toward it.
(Plans that failed) Shocked, Sophia tries to stop her. Maya throws boxes in her way.
(Make it more physically threatening) Maya s<cks her arm through the portal. She’s grabbed, disappearing into an electrical storm.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice Stacks Intrigue
What I learned doing this assignment is how thinking about these techniques improves everything—not just the turning points. Keeping the outline updated helps. The few suggestions I used from AI added more mystery and intrigue. All of this led to some cool breakthroughs that tie the characters together in yet another way.

Teaser:
Intrigue: Maya gets out of a limo in a seedy part of town.

Intrigue/mystery TP. During a fight, a vision combines a dream world with her reality and she fights alongside another teen against monsters. Her wrist shoots out white light that covers everything.

Act 1:

Opening/Accusation – Blake catches Maya outside the dance-fighting class. He feels betrayed.

Secret: Maya hides her red wrist and doesn’t tell her dad what happened in class.

Hidden Agenda/Midpoint: Sophia, grandma, arrives because of a prophetic dream. telling Maya isn’t happy to see her.

Intrigue: Maya steals a lot of money from her dad’s desk. Add something about light in her fingers or whatever. Maybe a locked desk.

Mystery/Conspiracy/ Turning Point 1 – Blake gives his mother, Sophia, a letter for his daughter in case something happens to him.

Intrigue/Secret – They argue about him saving his wife. Especially when his father, was murdered doing the same work.

Hidden Agenda/Major Conflict– Blake tells Maya her grandmother is staying to take care of her while he’s gone. He won’t tell her why.

Wound – Blake promised to take Maya with him on his next business trip and he betrays her trust.

Accusation/Turning Point 2 – Maya accuses him of deception, storms out, slams the door. The door lights up. Blake and Sophia stare in shock.

Act 2:
Secret/Opening – Maya pays their limo driver to stay at the school and wait for her.

Intrigue/Turning Point 1 – Maya pays a teen to use his dirt bike. They sneak it into the school. Whispered voices haunt her.

Strange Behavior/Hidden Agenda – Maya recklessly rides dirt bike around the school.

Accusation– Maya gets suspended.

Mystery – Blake crafts an amulet ring made from fire.

Secret Identity/Midpoint – Maya sees Blake kidnapped by a monster and disappear in flames. Throws the ring to Maya. Sophia comes in the room as he vanishes.

Hidden Layer – Sophia gives Maya her father’s letter giving her power of attorney over Maya and his estate.

Intrigue – Lysandra, the Dark Dreamer from the dream realm, has fun creating a nightmare. Monster brings Blake to her.

Mystery/Intrigue – Sophia’s cryptic conversation with a shadowy figure hints at a larger plan.

Mystery – Sophia gives Maya fifteen minutes to pack. They’re leaving and never coming back. She steals the amulet.

Accusation – Maya rebels. Sophia demands obedience. She destroys Maya’s cell phone.

Mystery/Ending – Maya gets into car. Sophia blows up the house.

Act 3:

Hidden Agenda – Sophia drives for hours to her home.

Deception – At a gas stop, Maya steals back the amulet. Runs away. Tries to thumb a ride.

Deception – Blake won’t answer Lysandra’s questions. She doesn’t know why she’s attracted to Blake.

Wound/Dilemma – Blake can’t risk telling Lysandra that she is his wife.

Strange Behavior – Lysandra imprisons Blake, but it takes three tries to confine him in a water-surrounded prison.

Mystery- Sophia locks Maya in her room saying it’s to protect her. Maya bangs on the door and it’s surrounded by light.

Wound – How can Maya find dad alone, even if she knew where he is or where she is? Deception – Does Sophia tell Maya the truth or protect her from it?

Secret Identity – Sophia lays down the rules, public school, new name, low profile

Act 4:

Intrigue– Maya’s the new girl and therefore noticed by the jocks and the ruling girl clique.

Conspiracy – Maya makes enemies in school.

Deception – How can Blake protect Maya, the dream realm, Lysandra, and reality while being imprisoned?

Secret – Blake resists Lysandra and her charming manipulation even though he loves her. Wound/Major Conflict – Maya’s being bullied.

Mystery – Blake refuses to tell Lysandra where his power comes from.

Mystery – Emotional buildup from everything that’s happened to her, Maya attacks the bully. It triggers a sight of her dad with the teen she fought with in the dream world in the teaser.

Act 5

Intrigue – Bully grabs her wrist for a kiss. It glows, shocks him.

Strange Behavior– She has another vision while fighting that allows her to win the fight.

Mystery/Intrigue – The dream realm’s influence begins to bleed into the waking world around Maya.

Accusation – She gets suspended from school.

Mystery/Intrigue – A mysterious figure watches Maya from the shadows.

Intrigue – Sophia has to go out for food, orders Maya to stay home with dire warnings of her fate from those who want her life.

Hidden Layer/Mystery – Maya explores basement and discovers evidence about her dad, grandfather, and the dream world.

Intrigue – Blake has to fight nightmares.

Intrigue – Lock-in Ending – Maya’s hidden birthmark of the swan constellation opens a portal into the dream world. She enters, is grabbed, and whisked away in an electric storm to find her father in an unknown, unpredictable world.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Character Story Lines

What I learned from creating the 5-Act structure is like doing a puzzle to fit all the pieces in the right places. I found it harder to organize using two worlds. The answers AI provided added many different ideas that spread across the season, but I incorporated a few that would work in the pilot.

Teaser:

Turning Point: An unexpected white flash on her wrist protects her from an assailant.

Act 1:

Essence: Maya is a reckless and privileged teen completely dependent on her father’s love and approval since she’s never had a mother.

(B, S Opening) B gives S a letter for Maya in case something happens to him. They argue about him saving his wife. Especially when his father, was murdered doing the same work.

(M Opening) Maya returns from fighting class, overhears “murder.” Gets lies, instead of answers which increases her emotional insecurity.

(M, B Turning Point 1) Blake betrays Maya’s trust by breaking his promise to take him with her to work. She says hurtful things and leaves for school.

Act 2:

Essence: Maya steals from her father and lies to learn fight-dancing instead of ballet. Dream world visions of fighting next to a young man interfere with her lesson.

Essence: Maya wants to be suspended from school so she can go with her dad.

(M Turning Point 1) Maya and friends play a prank. She plans on getting caught.

(M Major Conflict) Suspended from school.

(M Midpoint) M sees B kidnapped by a monster and disappear in flames.

(S Midpoint) Sophia comes in the room as he vanishes.

(M, S Turning Point 2), Sophia gives Maya her father’s letter giving her power of attorney over Maya and his estate.

(L Opening) Lysandra, the Dark Dreamer from the dream realm, has fun creating a nightmare. Monster brings Blake to her.

(S Turning Point 2) Sophia gives Maya fifteen minutes to pack. (M, S Major Conflict) Maya rebels. Sophia demands obedience. (M, S Ending) Maya gets into car. Sophia blows up the house.

Act 3:

Essence: Maya leaves the security of everything she knows.

(M, S Turning Point 1) S drives for hours to her home, won’t answer Maya’s questions.

(B, L Turning Point 1) B won’t answer L’s questions. She doesn’t know why she’s attracted to Blake and starts having fleeting memories that confuse and anger her.

(B Dilemma) He can’t risk telling Lysandra that she is his wife. (B, L Turning Point 2) Lysandra imprisons Blake, takes three tries.

(M Dilemma) Does she run away? How can she find her dad alone, even if she knew where he was?

(S Dilemma) Does she tell Maya the truth or protect her from it?
(M, S Major Conflict) Sophia locks Maya in her room.
(M, S Ending) S lays down the rules, public school, new name, low profile

Act 4

Essence: Even more insecure, Maya enters public school under a false name.

(M Turning Point 1) Maya makes enemies in school.

(B Dilemma) How can he protect Maya, the dream realm, Lysandra, and reality while being imprisoned?

(S Major Conflict) Her cold exterior cracks, showing her invulnerability and fear for her family.

(B, L Major Conflict) Resisting Lysandra and her charming manipulation when he loves her interferes with the stability and growing darkness that threatens both realms.

(M Major Conflict) She’s being bullied while having visions that blur reality. (B, L Major Conflict) Blake refuses to tell L where his power comes from.

(M Turning point) Emotional buildup from everything that’s happened to her, Maya fights with bullies.

Act 5:

Essence: Maya searches for the truth.

(M Turning Point 1) She wins the fight.

(M Major Conflict) She gets suspended from school.

(M, S Major Conflict) Sophia has to go out, orders M to stay home with dire warnings of her fate if she’s on the street and homeless.

(M, Turning Point 2) Maya explores basement and discovers evidence about her dad, grandfather, and the dream world.

(B, L Major Conflict) Blake has to fight nightmares.

(M, Lock-in, Ending) M’s hidden birthmark of the swan constellation opens a portal into the dream world. She enters, is grabbed by the young man she envisioned, torn away in an electric storm.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Pilot Structure

What I learned doing this assignment is how to use AI more effectively to get specific answers.

Teaser:

• Essence: Maya steals from her father for her secret dance-fighting lessons and has to use her skills to protect herself.

• Turning Point: A flash of light surrounds Maya and scares her opponent away.

Act 1:

• Essence: Maya protected life, animosity toward her grandmother, and Dad’s secrets.

• Turning Point: Maya has an explosive argument with Dad about his broken promises and leaves for school.

• Act 2:

• Essence: Maya’s private school prank gets her expelled, which was her intent.

• Turning Point/Midpoint: Maya’s father is kidnapped by a monster and disappears

  in a ring of flames.

• Act 3:

• Essence: Grandma blows up the house and takes Maya away from everything she knows.

• Turning Point: Maya registers in a public school with a new name, struggling with grief, resentment, and unanswered questions.

• Act 4:

• Essence: Rebelliousness toward grandma’s secrets, new school, and confusion over lights that flash from her fingers.

• Turning Point: Fights bullies, gets suspended for three days.

• Act 5

• Essence: Maya’s birthmark appears, locating a portal into the dream world.

• Lock In: She steps across the threshold, is grabbed, and pulled into an electrical storm.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Amazing Inciting Incident
What I learned from this assignment is that it makes you decide on the most exciting actions to include in the pilot after the “before picture.”

Intriguing Concept: Maya, rebellious, but insecure, doesn’t know the dangers of becoming the first female Dreamweaver in the unpredictable world of dreams when she goes there to save her father.

Act 1: Maya lives a protected, privileged life in a private school. She’s motherless and spoiled by her beloved father, Blake, the foundation of her world. Maya resents the visit from his mother, and escapes to secretly take dance-fighting classes instead of ballet.

Midpoint: Storming into her father’s study, Maya discovers him arguing with a monster in a portal of fire that opens into the dream realm. The monster seizes Blake and the portal closes. Her grandmother gives her ten minutes to pack. She gives Maya a new identity, moves her to a new house, enrolls her in public school, and expects unquestioning obedience.

Lock In: Maya discovers another dream world portal when her invisible birthmark appears and opens it. Determined to find her father, she steps across the threshold to be immersed in an electrical storm.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Big Picture Components

What I learned doing this assignment is that with all the decisions of previous lessons, it was much easier for me to hone in on the specifics of this one. The story becomes an integral part of you.

SERIES INFO:

• World: The unpredictable and dangerous world of dreams and their effects on reality.

• Main mystery: Can Maya find her kidnapped father?

• Impossible Goal: Evading lies, deception, and dangers in an unknown world to

  find her father.

• Main Conflict: Surviving—her grandmother, a new school, a new world

• Second Mystery: How will she find and defeat the powerful, unknown Dream Forgers causing the bounty on her head and the prophecy of her death?

• Season 1 Arc: Acceptance of her destiny as the next Dreamweaver.

• Season 1 Protagonist Internal Journey: from self-centered insecure, and immature to caring about others, and accepting responsibility for her actions and emotions.

PILOT INFO:

• Pilot Conflict: Grandma Sophia keeps Maya’s father’s whereabouts a secret and expects obedience when she moves Maya to a new school with a new identity.

• Characters Introduced: Maya, Blake, Sophia, Lysandra, Zander, School kids

• Inciting Incident of Season 1: Maya’s father, Blake, is kidnapped by a monsterand disappears in flames.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Edited Pitch Bible
What I learned doing this assignment is that the more times you do a pass over the material, the better it gets. It’s only way to see where improvements need to be made because the information is so condensed. Can’t wait to add the images.

DREAMBOUND One Hour Fantasy

by Denice Hughes Lewis

Concept

A rebellious teen searches for her kidnapped father in the dream world, unprepared to be the next Dreamweaver and defeat those seeking her death.

Summary

Privileged sixteen-year-old Maya rebels against restriction. Secretly engaged in a dance- fighting class, she has a waking vision about her father being kidnapped by a monster and vanishing into flames. She hurries home to find a charred wall in her father’s study.

Uprooted by her grandmother and renamed, Maya grapples with burning questions about her father’s true identity. She discovers a portal and enters the dream world on an uncertain journey to find him.

Maya meets untrustworthy inhabitants, mysterious creatures, and distracting illusions in the dream world. She discovers her father’s true identity as the Dreamweaver which tests her resolve to continue in the face of his betrayal. She doesn’t realize her uncontrolled emotions are disrupting the stability of the dream realm.

Maya faces the challenges of her everyday existence, the dangerous dream realm, and new-found powers. She struggles against her destiny as the next Dreamweaver, forced to gain control over her thoughts and emotions to maintain the balance between worlds. She unlocks family secrets to discover the truth and uncovers Dream Forgers, a society in the real world that infiltrates dreams for power and wealth. She has to defy the prophecy of her death and secure her father’s help in the ever-shifting landscape of dreams to save both worlds.

Characters

Maya Robinson

Ripped from everything she knows, Maya seethes with anger and fear. She doesn’t hide her photographic memory and fighting abilities in school, refusing to obey her grandmother’s orders to keep a low profile. A previously hidden birthmark appears on her wrist and opens a portal to the dream world. Maya’s lies become her shield in a world of illusion, deception, and danger as she searches for the truth. Her immature choices not only jeopardize both worlds, but also trigger a prophecy foretelling her death.

Blake Robinson

Blake is a powerful man with a secret job as the Dreamweaver in charge of balancing the dream world and its affect on reality. He is taken before he can train his daughter to inherit his position. His kidnapper is the Dark Dreamer in charge of nightmares who wants his power. She has forgotten she’s his comatose wife in the real world. Blake walks a fine line helping her remember the truth and keeping Maya safe. He doesn’t know his mother has a powerful connection to enemies in the real world that want to bring down the family.

Sophia Fala Robinson-Jackson

Sophia is a former Dreamweaver, Blake’s mom, and Maya’s grandmother. She’s an historian of Native American culture with unwavering loyalty. Her secrets about causing her daughter-in- law’s coma, and the desire to destroy the covert Dream Forgers pose a threat to the safety of her family. By interfering with the delicate balance of the dream world and reality itself, she blurs the lines between savior and saboteur.

Lysandra (Sandrine) Robinson

The enigmatic Dark Dreamer weaves nightmares with a captivating blend of charm, ruthlessness, and manipulation. Her fury over her memory loss and unjust banishment to the dark realms makes her wildly unpredictable. This sets into motion a collision of destinies that could destroy their family, the dream world, and reality unless she remembers her true identity.

Zander

Zander is a teen who works for opposing forces in the dream world, a charming shape-shifter and loveable rogue. Underneath, he is a lost soul searching for those responsible for killing his parents. He’s been brainwashed to think he’s only a dreamer, and doesn’t know he lives in the real world. He spies for Lysandra and falls for Maya, dividing his allegiance. But keeping secrets takes its toll on Zander and endangers both their lives.

Cutler Jackson

Cutler heads the Dream Forgers, a secretive team of financiers in the real world who extract knowledge from dreamers for power and financial gain. Faking his death, he wants to destroy the dream-weaving family, including his wife, Sophia. Then he will control the dream realm and take over the world. He has no idea that he’s unbalancing both worlds.

Season 1: To Dream, Perchance to Die

Episode 1: Ties that Blind

Maya adores her loving father, the foundation of her world. Her safe world shatters when she witnesses his abduction into the incredible world of dreams. She’s forcibly relocated by her grandmother, renamed, and left with unanswered questions. Determined to find her missing father and discover the truth, she discovers a portal in her new home and enters the dream realm.

Episode 2: Real Illusions

Maya’s explores a surreal world of changing landscapes and strange creatures. She lies about her identity while trying to get answers about her father. When she meets the shape-shifter, Zander, Maya hopes for his help in understanding the dream realm. He sees through her lies and tells her there is a bounty on her head. She surprises him with her fighting ability and flees, only to be captured by the Nightsmith, a handicapped dragon.

Episode 3: Webs of Deception

Nightsmith explains that the dream world reflects the dreamer; she will need to stop lying if she wants to discover the truth. He reveals other important rules that help her understand how to navigate the apparent deception in the dream world. Maya is thrust deeper into peril from bounty hunters and dream thieves when she enters the Dream Bazaar to bargain with traders for a dream of her father.

Episode 4: Dying Dreams

The dream Maya purchases is a nightmare that reveals her father’s true plight. Her quest becomes a battle against discovery by the Dark Dreamer and bounty hunters. She’s filled with guilt when witnessing the repercussions of her emotional turmoil and its affect on the dream world. Maya returns to confront her grandmother. Sophia destroys the portal and locks Maya in her room.

Episode 5: Fractured Realities

Maya, bullied in the real world, fights back with an unexpected ally in a school chum, Andrew. She discovers the power of her constellation birthmark, creates a portal, and takes him with her. Doing so, she unbalances the dream realm, causing storms and split landscapes. Zander runs to help until he sees Andrew. Pain sears the shape-shifter’s head, turning him into a monster.

Episode 6: Unexpected Powers

Maya’s birthmark shines in the monster’s face, turning him away. Taking Andrew home, she returns to the dream realm to find Zander. She traps a malevolent shadow coming out of his head and learns of her role as the next Dreamweaver. She tests her powers to create threads of light to heal Zander, the fractured landscape, and the creatures within it.

Episode 7: Dream Forger

Maya delves into her grandmother’s private papers, uncovering Sophia’s alliance with the covert Dream Forgers. She discovers their corruption of dreams for power and greed. Lines between the real world and reality blur. Needing her father more than ever, she demands that Zander take her to him. Her emotional instability affects the Dark Realm of nightmares.

Episode 8: Dead Don’t Die

Realizing who Maya is, Lysandra imprisons her and Zander. Maya demands to see her father and reunites with him, too late. He disappears in a ball of fire with the words, “Save me. Find the artifact. You have the map and the key.” Maya uses her webs of light to destroy her prison and escapes with Zander

5 Seasons

Season 1: To Dream, Perchance to Die

Maya searches for her father in the world of dreams while avoiding his kidnapper, the bounty on her head, and the prophecy of her death. She learns to take responsibility and control her actions and emotions. Finding him too late, Mya sees her father disappear in a ball of fire.

Season 2: Lies or Truth

Maya finds her father is stasis, but he will die unless she can find an ancient artifact. She uses her powers to create allies to fight against memory thieves, dream traders, and the Dark Dreamer. Her search leads her to the comatose mother she has never known.

Season 3: Nightmare Alliance

Maya forms an alliance with the Dark Dreamer to find the map that will lead her to the artifact that can save her father’s life. The secretive Dream Forgers cause instability in the dream realm led by the grandfather she thought was dead.

Season 4: Dream Forgers

Maya finds the map of her mother’s brain and realizes that her memories contain the location of the artifact. She bargains with the memory thief as the Dream Forgers try to kill her family. She finds the artifact and saves her father’s life, only to be captured by the Dream Forgers.

Season 5: Dreambound Destiny

In an epic battle with their enemies, Maya and her family fight in the dream world and the real world with their allies. They use use their individual powers of light, fire, wind, and nightmares ot fight for the existence of both worlds. Maya accepts her destiny as the new Dreamweaver.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Episode Titles
What I learned doing this assignment is not to have preconceived ideas. I had good titles, but found better ones, although they don’t necessarily show the progress of the fantasy story. The titles also showed me holes in my episodes that needed more specifics. This was quite fun, especially when I made a list of over eighty titles and had family choose their favorites.

Choices for now
Episode 1: Ties that Blind

Episode 2: Real Illusions

Episode 3: Webs of Deception

Episode 4: Dying Dreams

Episode 5: Fractured Realities

Episode 6: Unexpected Powers

Episode 7: Dream Forger

Episode 8: Dead Don’t Die

Season 1: To Dream, Perchance to Lie

Season 2: Forgotten Life

Season 3: Nightmare Alliance
Season 4: Death at the Door

Season 5: Dreambound Destiny

[Denice Lewis]

Denice Presents Non-Stop Intrigue

What I learned doing this assignment is that this process is easier to take one line at a time. It’s made the bible much better, more concise, and exciting. I even had a couple of ideas that I had never thought about before. Mine is six pages and I wonder if that’s long enough. I may need to add a few more details.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Intriguing Patterns
What I learned doing this assignment is that so far in the pitch bible I didn’t have the specifics that will make this more intriguing. I kept digging until I found new ways to describe using a single thought instead of multiple thoughts in one sentence.

This is the line that started my process: “Maya grapples with deception, dream creatures, and the revelation of her father’s true identity”, but it morphed, so I just went with it.

My choice: Was Maya’s father kidnapped by a monster or is she having another waking nightmare?

A: Establish something shocking: Maya only wanted to save her father, not be the savior of the dream world and die.

B. Statement, question about something underhanded: In searching for her kidnapped father in the world of dreams, she discovers he’s lied to her her whole life.

C. Questions that point to hidden agenda’s etc.: Is Maya a pawn in a conspiracy to steal secrets from dreamers for power and greed in the real world?

D. Character 1 convinced/worried about Character 2: Maya worries about what other lies her father has told.

E. But maybe it is wrong: Was Maya’s father kidnapped by a monster or is it another waking nightmare?

F. A pattern for future consequences: Maya lies to those in the dream world to protect herself, but won’t know who to trust when her enemies close in.

G. Maya doesn’t know that saving her kidnapped father means she might have to kill the Dark Dreamer, the mother she never knew she had.

H. State the mystery: Maya will have to save her kidnapped father even if she has a bounty on her head and a hidden group who wants her dead.

I. Should be/could be: Maya’s entitled life is easy until her father is kidnapped by a monster and taken to a dream world where her life is at stake.

J. Intense language: Maya didn’t intend to jeopardize the existence of the dream world and reality.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Pitch Bible Investigation

What I learned doing this assignment is that it’s necessary to take the time to think about the deeper meaning and motivations of the characters and their relationship to the story. These techniques make it an easier process.

Here are new insights to my main characters.
Why is Maya so hell-bent on saving her father besides her love for him? Going further, I realized she couldn’t live with her deepest fear of being alone. This fear will force her to face adversity alone.

Blake will do anything to protect his family. He gave his wife an ancient artifact that gives Dream Weavers their power so she could hide it for safety. Now that she’s been in a coma for sixteen years and her dream self, Lysandra, has memory loss, the whereabouts of the artifact is unknown. If found by the Dream Forgers, it could be disastrous for the dream world and reality. He feels guilt for putting her in danger.

Sophia stops her daughter-in-law from being killed by an unknown assailant but she ends up in a coma. Sophia doesn’t know Sandrine/Lysandra was pregnant when she took her into the dream world to protect her. As a former Dreamweaver, she can go through portals, but not open them.

The unknown assailant is Sophia’s husband, the head Dream Forger. He found out the Sophia is responsible for turning the love of his life away so she could marry him instead. Only revenge on the whole family will suffice.

Zander saw his parents die in the real world. The trauma was so great that he has created a new life as a shape-shifter in the dream world, forgetting he’s an orphan in
the real world. He doesn’t know he’s being used by the Dream Forgers.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Show Summary
What I learned doing this assignment is that this process makes you really zero in on the big picture of your story. I’m getting better with the prompts!

DREAMBOUND One Hour Fantasy

Concept:

A rebellious teen, searching for her kidnapped father realizes she is ill-equipped to
inherit, safeguard, and balance the surreal world of dreams and its effect on reality, especially with a bounty on her head and a prophecy of her death.

Summary:

Bored with a life of privilege, sixteen-year-old Maya Robinson rebels against her restrictions and secretly engages in dance-fighting in a seedy part of town. Her life takes a surreal turn when she witnesses her father’s abduction into the realm of dreams.

Uprooted by her grandmother, Maya is renamed and left with burning questions about her father’s true identity. She discovers a portal in her grandmother’s home that leads into the dream world.

Maya grapples with deception, drea, creatures, and the revelation of her father’s true identity. With a bounty on her head, she learns how to navigate the unpredictable world.

Each episode deepens Maya’s struggle, unraveling layers of betrayal, lies, and the delicate balance between her worlds. Torn between the challenges of her everyday life and the threats in the dream world, Maya must confront her destiny as the next Dreamweaver, a role that holds the key to protecting both realms.

As Maya battles formidable foes, uncovers family secrets, and faces a clandestine society, the boundaries between reality and dreams blur. With an escalating sense of urgency, Maya overcomes illusions and unlocks mysteries in her search for the truth. Can she defy the prophecy of her death and secure her father’s safety in the ever-shifting landscape of dreams?

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Episode Descriptions
What I learned doing this assignment is how much letting go allows creative ideas to changer, flow, and elevate. I actually liked AI’s summaries with a few changes.

Episode 1: Lies That Blind

Maya, witnessing her father’s abduction into a surreal world, is forcibly relocated, renamed, and left with unanswered questions. Determined to find her missing father, she discovers a portal in her new home, unwittingly stepping into the perilous realm of dreams.

Episode 2: Whispers of Betrayal

Navigating the dream world, Maya encounters deception, a shape shifter, and the kidnapper’s revelation. Betrayed by her father’s secret identity, Maya escapes only to be captured by a one- legged dragon. Her quest intensifies amid dreams tainted by secrets and treachery.

Episode 3: Webs of Deception

Maya grapples with lies in the dream world, unearths her father’s role, and narrowly escapes capture. Struggling with betrayal, she’s kidnapped by a handicapped dragon and thrust deeper into the dangerous dynamics between dream and reality when she enters the Dream Bazaar to buy a dream.

Episode 4: Ties That Blind

Nightmares reveal her father’s true plight, prompting Maya’s confrontation with her grandmother. Locked away, she battles for the truth while grappling with the repercussions of her emotional turmoil on the dream world.

Episode 5: Fractured Realities

Maya, bullied in the real world, fights back with an unexpected ally. Juggling school struggles and dream-world threats, she discovers how to create a portal, drawing her closer to the looming threat to her life.

Episode 6: Shadows of the Past

Maya unwittingly traps a malevolent shadow, learning of her role as the next Dreamweaver. As her father’s prison shifts, the dream world unravels, blurring the lines between reality and dreams. The consequences of Maya’s actions become increasingly unpredictable.

Episode 7: Maze of Memories

Maya delves into her grandmother’s secrets, unveiling her destiny and a clandestine society. Armed with the knowledge of a bounty on her head, she confronts the shape-shifter, determined to defy the impending danger lurking in the dream world.

Episode 8: Illusions

Maya, imprisoned by Lysandra, Maya seeks her father’s location. As illusions shatter, Maya’s quest becomes a battle against formidable foes. She discovers her father, only to witness his inexplicable disappearance.

[Denice Lewis]

• • Denice’s Intriguing Concept and World

  • What I learned doing this assignment is that I’m still honing in on the essence of my story, but these steps are a great help.

  • 1. Present Your Concept

  • A. A rebellious daddy’s girl…

  • B. …searches for her kidnapped father in the dream world

  • C. …and realizes she is ill-equipped

  • D. …to inherit, safeguard, and balance the world of dreams as the Dreamweaver.

  • HOOK 1: She doens’t know her father is The Dreamweaver and she’s the new one.

  • HOOK: 2: How will a rebellious teen save the dream world as a novice?

  • 2. World of this Show

  • Unique Sub-World: The world of dreams is unpredictable and ever-changing.

  • Previously unexplored: Links between dreams and reality for positive change

  • The unknown: Dream world environment and inhabitants

  • The unseen: A bounty on her head, prophecy of her death

  • Unheard of Dangers: You can die in the dream world or spend eternity there

  • Reason to explore it: Value of going into an uncharted world without rules for

    emotional growth and acceptance of responsibility

  DREAMWEAVER WORLD: Dreams and nightmares and their balance with reality is experienced by its rebellious inheritor whose search for her kidnapped father causes a bounty on her head and leads her to a conspiracy that threatens life in both worlds.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s 5 Seasons
What I learned doing this assignment is that is forces you to get rid of the unnecessary complications to arrive at the big picture. However, I’m still wavering about the kind of story and I find the answers from AI presented entirely different scenarios.

5 Season Summary:
Season 1: Ripped Away

Searching for her father, Maya learns how to navigate the dangerous and unpredictable dream realm while avoiding his kidnapper, the Dark Dreamer, the bounty on her head, and the prophecy of her death. She finds him seconds before he disappears in a ball of flame.

Season 2: Lies or Truth

Maya finds her father in stasis, but he will die unless she recovers a hidden, ancient artifact. Searching, she’s encounters memory thieves, dream traders, and her nemesis – the Dark Dreamer, but neither knows she is Maya’s comatose mother. She visits her mother in the real world hoping to awaken her.

Season 3: Nightmare Alliance

Worried about the increasing instability of the dream world, Maya enters an unlikely alliance with Dark Dreamer to find the artifact. She discovers a group of Dream Forgers hidden in reality who corrupt dreamers for power and greed. Dark Dreamer imprisons her.

Season 4: Dream Forgers

Maya can’t convince the Dark Dreamer she is her daughter. She discovers that in her forgotten memories, the Dark Dreamer knows where the artifact is. She bargains with memory thieves as the Dream Forgers grow more powerful. Maya finds the artifact and saves her father, only to be captured.

Season 5: Awakening

Maya’s shape-shifting friend finally chooses sides and helps her, her father, and grandmother fight together for the freedom of the dream realm. The Dark Dreamer remembers who she is and helps the family defeat the Dream Forgers. Maya becomes the next Dreamweaver.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Character Descriptions
What I learned doing this assignment is that everything is honing into more precision. The better I am at this process, the better the information from AI. While I don’t agree with AI on everything, its three-sentence descriptions needed only a little revision.

Maya: A spoiled, rebellious teen sees her father kidnapped by a monster and disappear through a wall. Instead of getting answers from her grandmother, she’s whisked off to a rural town and forced to enroll in a public school under an assumed name. When she discovers a hidden portal activated by her birthmark, she enters the dream world to search for her father where she learns she is the next Dreamweaver, protector of the balance between the dream world and reality.

AI: In the mystical realm where dreams intertwine with reality, Maya, a rebellious teen thrust into the role of the Dreamweaver, battles not only the monsters within the dream world but also the secrets that shroud her true purpose. As she desperately seeks her kidnapped father, Maya’s lies become her shield in a web of deception, protecting her against family betrayals and a ruthless group known as the Dream Forgers. Her immature choices not only jeopardize both worlds but also trigger a dangerous prophecy foretelling her demise.

Blake: A powerful man with a secret job in the world of dreams is kidnapped before he can tell his daughter Maya that she is the next in line to inherit his position as The Dreamweaver. His kidnapper is the Dark Dreamer in charge of nightmares who wants his power. She has forgotten she’s his comatose wife in the real world. He tries to help her remember while still influencing the dream world from his prison.

Lying becomes her only protection against betrayal from her family and her enemies. Her immaturity and rash decisions endanger both worlds when she encounters a bounty on her head from the secretive Dream Forgers intent on ruining her family and using the dream world for their own gains. Learning the truth might be her only salvation.

There is a bounty on his daughter’s head and a prophecy proclaiming her death. He walks a fine line between protecting her or the dream realm, not realizing his mother has powerful enemies in the real world and is the cause of their inherited problems.

AI: In the realm of mystical dreams, Maya’s kidnapped father, a powerful figure with a clandestine role in the dream world, holds a secret so crucial that his captor, the malevolent Dark Dreamer, seeks to extract it at any cost. Unbeknownst to Maya, she is the key to inheriting his enigmatic position and becoming the Dreamweaver, the savior of both the dream realm and reality. As she navigates the treacherous dreamscape, her forgotten connection to her comatose mother unfolds, revealing a complex web of family ties, hidden enemies, and a prophecy foretelling her imminent demise, forcing her father to walk a perilous line between protecting her and safeguarding the fragile balance of the dream world.

Lysandra: A charming, ruthless, and manipulative antagonist in the dream world as the Dark Dreamer in charge of nightmares. Unfairly accused and relegated to the position, she kidnaps Blake to take his powers and live in the real world. Her memory loss keeps her from remembering she is Blake’s comatose wife and Maya’s mother in reality. Destructive when she

can’t have her own way, she is feared by the dream realm. Locked in her memories is the hiding place of an ancient relic that can change her life and those of her family. But, when she learns about Maya, her goal is to destroy the daughter she doesn’t know she has.

AI: In the mystical realm of dreams, Lysandra, the enigmatic Dark Dreamer, weaves nightmares with a captivating blend of charm, ruthlessness, and manipulation. Unbeknownst to her, she is the wife of Blake, Maya’s comatose mother in the waking world. As Maya delves into the perilous dream realm to rescue her kidnapped father, she sets in motion a collision of destinies where the Dark Dreamer’s destructive desires clash with Maya’s quest to save both realms, revealing a hidden relic that could reshape their intertwined fates.

Sophia: A former Dreamweaver, mother to Blake and grandmother to Maya. She is loyal, a scholar of her Native American heritage, relentless, and secretive. Maya is a thorn in her side. She’s the reason Lysandra is in a coma and a prisoner of the dream world. She plays a dangerous game by working with the Dream Forgers to resurrect her beloved husband while at the same time trying to destroy their plans. In doing so, she puts her family, the dream world, and reality at risk for destruction.

AI: In the mystical realm where dreams intertwine with reality, Sophia, a former Dreamweaver with unwavering loyalty and a scholarly grasp of her Native American heritage, harbors a dark secret. As the mother of Blake and grandmother to the rebellious Maya, Sophia’s clandestine alliance with the enigmatic Dream Forgers to resurrect her husband poses a threat not only to her family but also to the delicate balance of the dream world and reality itself. Maya, unwittingly the key to a prophecy forecasting her demise, becomes an unwitting pawn in Sophia’s perilous game, blurring the lines between savior and saboteur.

Zander knows everyone in the dream world with allegiances to the light and the dark – whatever it takes to find who killed his parents. He’s a charmer, caring, but impatient. Shape-shifting causes identity problems. He spies for Lysandra, but becomes Maya’s guide and love interest before he knows who she is. Can Maya change his focus to help him before he turns her over to the Dark Dreamer?

AI: In the mystical realm of dreams where alliances between light and dark are as fluid as the ever-shifting landscapes, Zander, a charming yet impatient shape-shifter, navigates the dream world seeking vengeance for his murdered parents. With a dual allegiance to the enigmatic Lysandra and an unexpected mentorship and blossoming love for the rebellious teen Dreamweaver, Zander’s hidden layers and identity struggles unravel in the face of a prophecy predicting her demise. As Maya grapples with her destiny and the bounty on her head, Zander must confront his conflicting loyalties, torn between the shadows of his past and the fragile hope of a shared future with the girl who could change the fate of the dream world forever.

Connected Characters:

Andrew, living in a group home, becomes Maya’s love interest in her new school.

Zander: He knows everyone in the dream world with allegiances to the light and dark—whatever it takes to find out who killed his parents. He’s a charmer, caring, but impatient. Shape-shifting causes identity problems. He spies for Lysandra, but becomes Maya’s mentor and love interest before he knows who she is. Can Maya change his focus to help him before he turns her over to the Dark Dreamer?

Dream Forger Leader and his cohorts put a bounty on Maya’s head in the dream world to destroy the last of her line, while trying to discover her in the real world where they live. They manipulate dreamers for power and money.

Nightsmith maintains order and lives only in the dream realm, often terrifying, but with a big heart.

Dream Thief, a mischievous trader of dreams. Environmental:

School students, teachers, dreamers, dream animals, Memory Thief, dream traders, Riders- monsters who capture anyone Lysandra wants to imprison in the Dark Dream realm.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice Is Ready for Feedback

What I learned doing this assignment is that this framework forces you to hone down your ideas. Not always easy, but worth it and exciting when it happens. My genre is YA fantasy if you’re interested in giving me feedback.

[Denice Lewis]

BWTVAI M1, #12, Discovering Irony Denice Is Creating Irony!

What I learned doing this assignment is how valuable irony can be. It’s like a secret weapon that I’m not often aware of. I’m wondering if my layers are too complicated or I’m not giving AI enough data to give me more specific information.

Sample show: HIJACK Situational Irony:

The hijackers threaten everyone with guns/ guns have blanks
Head hijacker phones he has control of plane/surprised when it’s only voice mail

Passengers told to keep in their seats and shut up/they send messages/take action Hijacking/ransom demand is to release two convicts
Real reason for hijacking is greed to cause stock in airline to crash and make millions

No communication device on/Sam and Pilot help notify ground by communicating through onboard game

Airline has conflicting messages/Decides they’re clues to the hijacking
Ground officials find manifest of passengers and 1 criminal/There are five more passengers not in the database that Daniel finds

Frightened woman passenger is another hijacker, kills the pilot, takes over the cockpit

Officials think they’ve got control of released criminals/criminals outsmart them

Character Irony:
Hijackers don’t seem like criminals/they’re being blackmailed
Sam doesn’t want to make waves/then fights when situation changes
Sam pretends to help hijackers/works behind their backs to send messages to the ground.

One passenger wants to take action/can’t, hyperventilates when time comes

Frightened woman passenger seems cold-blooded/she’s being blackmailed

Head of criminals wants more millions/killed by confederates

My Show: Dreamweaver
1. Maya hates being lied to and betrayed by her father’s secrets/she will have to do the same thing to protect lives

2. Maya thinks she’s just a teen student/she’s destined to become the next Dreamweaver and save the dream world and reality from the Dream Forgers.

3. Maya only thinks she’s smart, quick/she has the power of light from the star constellation,the Swan – the sometimes invisible birthmark

4. Lysandra thinks she’s the Dark Dreamer in charge of nightmares/she’s really the comatose wife of Blake and mother of Maya.

5. Blake thinks the world of his mother/she’s the cause of all the family’s problems
6. Zander, shape-shifter in dream world wants to find his family’s killers/it’s an illusion put in his mind

7. Dreams and reality are separate/Each realm can affect the other
8. Dream forgers are a hidden group talked about in the dream world/they live in the real world

9. Sophia is selfish/she’s trying to undo her mistakes in the wrong way
10. Sophia was a great Dreamweaver/she’s endangering her family and the world
11. Sophia shows the world a caring grandmother/she’s a schemer
12. The audience is aware of the conspiracy of Dream Forgers targeting Maya, but she is ignorant creating tension and anticipation.

13. Maya wants a normal life/her destiny is unwanted
14. Maya forms an alliance with Zander/she doesn’t know he also works for Lysandra

[Denice Lewis]

BWTV-AI, My Lesson, Module 1, #8, Inviting Obsession Through Mystery

Denice’s Show Mysteries
What I learned doing this assignment is how many layers develop in a story and it’s okay if you don’t know them all. It’s fun to use AI to answers the questions I have that go beyond a lesson.

Example Show: “Hijack”
The show only has seven episodes.
Big Picture Mysteries: What, when, where, why, who, how

What is the reason the plane has been hijacked? Money and to destroy the airline When has it been hijacked? Present day
Where has it been hijacked? After taking off from Dubai
Why are the hijackers hesitant to kill anyone? They’re being blackmailed.

Who are the hijackers? Some are related, others are working independently Smaller Mysteries:

What will happen to the passengers? Except the Captain, they all survive. When will the plane land? It’s a 7-hour flight.
Where will the plane land? Central London
Why did members of the OCG kill their boss? He was too greedy.

Who will make the decision to save or shoot down the plane? Foreign Secretary
How will Sam save himself, the passengers, and the plane when there is no fuel left and a short runway? Getting immunity for the new pilot, getting everyone on his side, helping the pilot brake, texting his ex-wife to return his call, which saves his life from the main hijacker still on board.

My Show: Dreamweaver
Mystery 1:
A. Shocking Event: Maya sees her father kidnapped by a monster and disappear through a wall.

B. Secret: Maya discovers her father is The Dreamweaver, a guardian in charge of manipulating dreams that have an impact on reality.

C. Investigation: She has to find him and uncover the conspiracy of the hidden Dream Forgers by navigating the realm of dreams, a labyrinth of dreamers and secrets.

D. Who: Lysandra, in charge of the Dark Dream Realm, is responsible for Blake’s kidnapping.

What: Riders, monsters with spiked tentacles kidnap him.

When: Now

Where: In his study
How: How can Maya enter the dream world? Inherited birthmark that appears when close to a portal

E. Part Withheld: She will have to uncover a conspiracy of hidden Dream Forgers.

Over-Time Mystery #2
A. Cover up: Maya is the next Dreamweaver.
B. Secret: Blake has withheld that Lysandra is Maya’s mom and has been in a coma since before her birth. Sophia is responsible for Lysandra’s coma because of promises made to the Dream Forgers who have manipulated the family for generations to rid the worldof dreams and control reality.

C. Reveals:

Blake finds out what his mother did.

Sophia discovers the Dream Forgers killed her husband.
Maya discovers the deception and conspiracy.
Maya is the only one who can save the dream world if she can find an ancient artifact

In the real world that reveals who the Dream Forgers are.

D. Who: Dream Forgers need Maya for their final step.

What: There’s a prophecy that foretells Maya’s death and their freedom. When: When her powers are complete.
Where: Dream world
How: Battle for light and dark.

E. Part withheld: Who controls the Dream Forgers and why?

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Big Picture Open Loops
What I learned doing this assignment is that I still need to be more exact with my questions to AI. My character relationships are complicated and the answers don’t apply to all main characters. It’s like I need to give AI only a couple of characters at a time. Haven’t tried that yet. Even so, some of the answers lead to depth for continued seasons.

Big Picture Open Loops in the TV pilot, HIJACK

1. Why is the plane hijacked?

2. Why is there a bullet in the bathroom?

3. Who are the hijackers?

4. Why are the hijackers reluctant to kill anyone?

5. Who is behind the hijacking and why?

6. Will anyone be hurt or die?

7. How will those on the ground learn the truth?

8. What’s going to happen in the 7-hour flight?

9. Whose side is Sam on?

My Big Picture Loops, Season 1, DREAMWEAVER
1. Why was the Dreamweaver, Maya’s father, kidnapped? Some of his secrets and search to foil the prophecy that foretells Maya’s death.

2. Will Maya find her father in the unpredictable world of dreams?
3. Will Lysandra, the Dark Dreamer and kidnapper, capture Maya? Memory loss continues so she doesn’t know she’s in a coma in the real world and Blake and Maya are her family.

4. Will Maya learn about her grandmother’s secrets? What did Sophia do to Lysandra?

5. Can Maya trust Zander, the shape-shifter in the dream world? He’s unpredictable and plays both sides.

6. Who are the Dream Forgers? Secret society wanting to control reality by finding a lost artifact that connects with Maya’s family. No one knows who they are.

7. Will Maya find her father since his location is always shifting?

8. Will Maya become the Dreamweaver? She learns the powers of her birthmark. Her lack of self-confidence, impulsive choices in the dream world affect reality she has to rectify.

[Denice Lewis]

BWTV-AI. Module 1, #7, My Empathy/Distress

Denice’s Show Empathy/Distress
What I learned doing this assignment is that this process is a logical way to be creative. I think I spend too much time thinking about the characters when I could use AI instead. It is a wild ride with no preconceived ideas, plans, or anything that isn’t ephemeral at this point. A very different experience for my used-to-want perfectionism.

Example Show: HIJACK
Big Picture:
1. Hijacked plane has changed course and is heading for central London.
2. A woman passenger/ex-military has taken over the cockpit and is waiting for a phone call from OCG leader to crash the plane.

3. Passengers have taken over the rest of the plane.

4. Sam tries to keep peace with the passengers, change the woman’s mind, work with air traffic control to save everyone, and help land the plane.

5. OCG leader makes money on plane’s plight. Lives are at stake for greed.

6. Government officials have to decide whether or not to destroy the plane.

7. Time is running out.
8. Plane is out of fuel over London.

My Show: DREAMWEAVER Big Picture Distress:

Undeserved misfortune:
Maya: Loses her father and life as she knows it
Blake: He’s physically kidnapped and imprisoned in the dream world because he is the Dreamweaver, tormented by guilt over secrets he cannot share with Maya, fearing it may lead to her demise

Lysandra: She cannot remember the one thing that would change her life as a Dark Dreamer in charge of nightmares, what will she do when she discovers the truth

Sophia: Her husband died in the dream world.

Zander: His family was murdered.

External Character conflicts:
Maya: She’s the next Dreamweaver and only one who can physically go into the dream world to save her father. Dangerous characters inhabit the dream world.

Blake: He’s trying to find out about the prophecy of Maya’s death.
Lysandra: She imprisons Blake. Wants to find Maya and take her place as the next Dreamweaver.

Sophia: Forbids Maya to go into the dream world.
Zander: With anyone who withholds information about his family, faces betrayal from a trusted friend

Plot intruding on life:

Maya: Her grandmother moves Maya to a new town, enrolls her in a small public school, changes her name to hide and protect her, relationships and responsibilities affect relationships in the real world

Blake: He can’t protect his daughter while imprisoned.
Lysandra: Doesn’t know she’s alive in reality, but in a coma. Doesn’t know Maya is her daughter and Blake is her husband.

Sophia: Taking care of a teenager full time, facing consequences of secrets in her past

Zander: His feelings for Maya, vengeance affects relationships with alliances

Moral dilemmas:
Maya: Rebelling against her grandmother, indecisive choices in the dream world that can affect reality, lying, stealing

Blake: Telling Lysandra the truth about their relationship and Maya, controlling dreams for his own purposes, keeping the truth from Maya, choosing between saving Maya, letting the prophecy play out, finding a way to change the prophecy

Lysandra: Sometimes, she has a conscience when she tries to remember the important part of something she’s missing, can she change her fate

Sophia: Telling Blake the truth of what she did to Lysandra, keeping secrets that can affect everyone and the dream world, facing her actions

Zander: Is his quest for revenge the right thing to do? Should he join forces with Maya and others to save dream world

Forced decisions they’d never make:
Maya: Drugging her grandmother, life and death choices she controls in the dream world and the consequences in reality, making a deal with a dangerous entity to gain information about her dad.

Blake: Affecting Maya’s dreams, using dreams to find out Sophia’s secrets, difficult choices to insure Maya’s safety.

Lysandra: A battle against her daughter for the fate of both worlds
Sophia: Revealing a truth that could doom or save her family
Zander: Must confront inner demons who become real in the dream world, questions his morality

Big Picture Empathy:
Put character in distress:

Maya: New school, grandmother’s control, choices in the dream world, scary dream world characters, not knowing if her father is alive

Blake: Tortured to protect Maya by withholding the truth
Lysandra: Her struggle and anger to remember that causes death in her world, isolation, loneliness

Sophia: Fear that Blake wiil suffer the same fate as her husband, keeping secrets takes physical and emotional toll

Zander: As a shape-shifter, he has identity and relationship problems, anguish of loss, burning desire for justice

Make them relatable:

Maya: Her father lied to her, she been taken away from everything she knows, is thrown into an unknown world, self-doubt, insecurities despite extraordinary abilities

Blake: He’s kept his job secret and lied to protect Maya, he needs to find out how to stop the prophecy and Lysandra, grappling with the burden of protecting a world he never wanted to be a part of

Lysandra: Frustrated for what she can’t remember, struggle for identity and redemption surrounded by a world of death

Sophia: She’s done everything to save her family, but has made everything worse by hiding the truth, struggles with guilt and desire for redemption

Zander: He’s lost without his family, desires justice

Universal experiences that are emotional:

Maya: fear, insecurity, making the wrong choices, responsibility, betrayal, trust issues, fear of losing loved one, desire to prove herself in face of skepticism

Blake: anguish over choices, pain of torture, never gives up trying to rectify problems, love for Maya is a driving force

Lysandra: pain, memory loss, anger, righteousness, revenge, forgiveness, can she change

Sophia: guilt, fear, loss, complexity of familial relationships and sacrifices she’ll have to make to save them

Zander: loss, anger, fear, redemption and transformation of forgiveness

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Character Emotions
What I learned doing this assignment is that an unknown path can be found with these specific techniques. You have to look deeper, even if you don’t have all the best answers. A few answers from AI fit with the characters’ emotions, but I wasn’t sure I gave specific enough information in the prompt to make them stand out and wow me. I went farther with AI and took one character and explained more which gave me better answers. You can’t expect good answers without specific questions.

Assignment #1
Example Show: Hijack, 5th episode
Emotional Profile
Sam
A. Situational: Hope: to save the passengers / Fear: someone will get killed

B. Motivation: Want: to get home to his family/ Fear: that he’ll fail.
C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: depression/ Public Mask: Smart/in control

D. Weaknesses: unpredictable, reckless
E. Triggers: people getting hurt
F. Coping Mechanism: take action, or sit and think of another way

Stuart

A. Situational: Hope: to carry out the hijack plan / Fear: for his family if he fails
B. Motivation: Want: to succeed / Need: to succeed or the real bad guys will kill his mom,

neighbors, they’ve already killed his dad
C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: fear / Public Mask: Aggressive, leader
D. Weaknesses: easily influenced/indecisive, cares about passengers and hijackers

E. Triggers: passengers not following rules
F. Coping Mechanism: attack or order another hijacker to harm a passenger

Pilot Robin

A. Situational: Hope: to save the passengers / Fear: he won’t succeed
B. Motivation: Want: to get the plane back from hijackers / Need: to save face

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: coward / Public Mask: professional
D. Weaknesses: his mistress, anger management
E. Triggers:
F. Coping Mechanism:

Assignment #2
My Show: Dreamweaver
Maya, teen
A. Situational: Hope: to find her kidnapped father/ Fear: that he’s dead.

B. Motivation: Want: how to find him / Need: to master the dream world

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: fear / Public Mask: Confident/in control

D. Weaknesses: insecure, immature decision-making

E. Triggers: authority figures, making mistakes
F. Coping Mechanism: blaming someone else, anger

Lysandra
A. Situational: Hope: to control the Dreamweave and reality/ Fear: death
B. Motivation: Want: to live in reality/ Need: to know the truth
C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: vengeance / Public Mask: Ruler of dark dreams

D. Weaknesses: loves Blake, quick to anger
E. Triggers: losing control of situations
F. Coping Mechanism: destruction

Zander
A. Situational: Hope: to find out how his family died/ Fear: he’ll never have peace unless he

succeeds
B. Motivation: Want: to know the truth / Need: love
C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: secrecy/ Public Mask: Helpful teen shape-shifter

D. Weaknesses: he works for light and dark, confused loyalty
E. Triggers: when things don’t go his way, people in pain
F. Coping Mechanism: withdraws, broods

Sophia
A. Situational: Hope: eternal life/ Fear: dying
B. Motivation: Want: to control Maya/ Need: to keep Maya safe
C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: deceit/ Public Mask: loving mother and grandmother

D. Weaknesses: facing the truth, selfishness
E. Triggers: Maya’s defiance, bad dreams
F. Coping Mechanism: punishment, sleeping pills

Blake
A. Situational: Hope: /to save Maya from the prophecy Fear: he’ll fail
B. Motivation: Want: to protect Maya from the prophecy / Need: to tell her the truth

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: withholding / Public Mask: confident Dreamweaver

D. Weaknesses: unable to face family’s past, trusting his mother, Sophia, overprotectiveness
E. Triggers: interference from others, danger to Maya
F. Coping Mechanism: trying to decipher the prophecy, devising plans and strategies to help Maya in the dream world, even though she can’t find him

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Intriguing Character Layers
What I learned doing this assignment is how intrigue is built into the character actions/reactions which also affects the plot. It is very subtle and seamless which makes us want to know the reasons and what will happen next. Some of the AI answers are repetitive which means I need to be more specific with each character independently when asking questions.

Assignment 1:
Example Show: Hijack
List of places you’ve already seen character intrigue in previous episodes.

1. Character Name: Sam Nelson
Role: Passenger
Hidden Agendas: To save passengers
Competition: With his ex-wife’s boyfriend, other passengers’ agendas
Conspiracies: With a couple of passengers who think the bullets in the guns are blanks. Deception: He’s lying to the hijackers when he says he doesn’t care about the other passengers. Wound: His divorce

Secret Identity: Professional negotiator

2. Character Name: Stuart Atterton
Role: Head of hijackers
Hidden Agendas: Why do the guns have blanks? Why does he put real bullets in his gun? Competition: The other hijackers are younger and more volatile
Conspiracies: Someone pulls his strings on voice mail.
Wound: Possible mother who was unfaithful

3. Character Name: Alice Sinclair
Role: Air traffic controller
Deception: She lies about why she’s late to work. Wound: Possibly because she’s a single mom?

4. Character Name: DI Daniel O’Farrell
Role: Marsha’s boyfriend, Metropolitan Police Officer
Hidden Agendas: Trying to find out about the hijack
Competition: With Sam for Marsha and her son’s affection
Secrets: He had an affair with a British counterintelligence operative he contacts. Deception: I’m not sure he’s told Marsha about his past love.

5. Character Name: Captain Robin
Role: Pilot of the hijacked airliner
Hidden Agendas: He’s trying to help Sam
Secrets: He’s married with kids, but is having an affair with a flight attendant.

Watch next episode and see how character intrigue is being used to create the need to see more episodes.

There are several incidents that seem like the hijackers act tough but don’t really want to hurt the passengers. It makes you wonder more about them. They seem naive and unbelieving that the NATO planes might shoot them down. One is wounded and would have died if a doctor passenger didn’t help. Sam gets a message to his ex-wife via the wounded hijacker’s cell phone, even though he also connects the man with his mother which show more of his caring and deviousness. This message actually saves the plane via a phone call that reaches the government officials on the case. One of the flight attendants stands up to a hijacker and doesn’t get punished. Another layer is added because Daniel has withheld information from Marsha. Her son isn’t home and we wonder about the guys who have her address.

Assignment 2, For your inner circle characters fill in any of the intrigue items that apply 1. Character Name: Maya Robinson
Role: 16-year old student searching for her kidnapped father
Hidden Agendas: She searches for her dad in the world of dreams.

Competition: Dream world characters
Conspiracies: She drugs her grandmother to spend time in the world of dreams.
Secrets: She’s hiding Hugo.
Deception: She doesn’t trust anyone and will lie about anything.
Wound: Her father has never told her about her mother, except that she died in childbirth. Secret Identity: She doesn’t know she’s the next Dreamweaver.

2. Character Name: Lysandra
Role: Antagonist
Hidden Agendas: She wants to rule the dream world and return to reality.
Competition: Blake Robinson, the Dreamweaver
Conspiracies: She will work with anyone to achieve her desires.
Secrets: Many
Deception: In every situation
Wound: She thinks Blake rejected her.
Secret Identity: She doesn’t know she’s Maya’s mother and her physical body has been in a

coma at a private institution since her birth.

3. Character Name: Sophia Robinson
Role: Maya’s paternal grandmother
Hidden Agendas: To keep Maya from inheriting and becoming the Dreamweaver Competition: Maya
Conspiracies: Possibly with some Dream Council
Secrets: She’s responsible for Lysandra’s coma.
Deception: She won’t tell Maya the truth.
Wound: Her husband died in the dream world, possibly her fault.
Secret Identity: A previous Dreamweaver, an inherited line

4. Character Name: Zander
Role: A teen who lives in the dream world.
Hidden Agendas: He works for dream world characters, even if their agendas conflict. Competition: Maya’s abilities in the dream world.
Conspiracies: He works for the light and the dark in the dream world.
Secrets: He knows everyone’s secrets.
Deception: He will do anything for revenge.
Wound: He feels responsible for his family’s deaths.
Secret Identity: He’s a shape-shifter.

5. Character Name: Hugo Braden
Role: Maya’s only friend, 18, orphan
Hidden Agendas: To help Maya anyway he can. Competition: Zander
Conspiracies: ?
Secrets: He really likes Maya.
Deception: He won’t tell her how he feels. Wound: His sister’s disappearance.
Secret Identity: ?

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Engaging Main Characters
What I learned doing this assignment is how fascinating it is to compare my ideas with the ones from AI and being inspired to think in a deeper way. It’s challenging to make the best choices at this juncture.

Assignment #1, Example Show: Hijack, 3rd episode Sam Nelson:

Role in Show:
Sam Nelson is the protagonist, a passenger on an airplane. Stuart is the leader of the hijackers.

Unique Purpose/Expertise:
Sam is an experienced negotiator trying to keep the passengers alive.
Stuart is the leader of the hijackers and the only one with a criminal record. His

cohorts don’t exist in a database.

Intrigue:
Sam stops the passengers who want to take actions that could get them killed.

He has to be very watchful and one step ahead.
Stuart is pretty sensitive for a bad guy. He wants his cohorts to do the dirty work.

He threatens passengers, but doesn’t always follow through. Moral Issue:

Sam decides to attack the hijacker he thinks is the weakest link which goes against his plan.

Stuart doesn’t seem to want to hurt anyone, but does. Unpredictable:

Sam: You never know what he is going to do. One moment he doesn’t want
to do anything to jeopardize the passengers and after getting information about the guns having blanks, he jumps into action.

Stuart hits the pilot with his gun. He puts real bullets in his gun secretly. Empathetic:

Sam knows he’s going to get beaten with a gun and has to sit there and smile while waiting for it to happen.

Stuart learns that whoever hired him only has a voice mail and it worries him.

Assignment #2, My Show, Dreamweaver
Journey of Show: A spoiled teen wants to find her kidnapped father and discovers he’s a

prisoner in the world of dreams and she will inherit his position as Dreamweaver. Role in Show:

Maya Robinson, Protagonist
Lysandra, Antagonist
Sophia, Maya’s paternal grandmother
Zander, shape-shifter in dream world
Blake Robinson, Maya’s secretive father, present Dreamweaver

Unique Purpose:

Maya wants to find her kidnapped father, not knowing she will be the inheritor of the dream world that can shape reality.

Lysandra wants to control all dreams to live in reality. Sophia needs to keep Maya safe.
Zander is the protector of Maya in the dream world. Blake Robinson is Maya’s kidnapped father.

Intrigue:
Maya is thrown into two different worlds—a new school and the dream world. Lysandra thinks Blake know how to give her what she wants, but doesn’t know

Maya is the new Dreamweaver and her daughter.
Sophia has dark secrets in her past, one of which caused Lysandra to be

relegated to the dark side of the dream world.
Zander is a shape-shifter, a free agent who works for the light and the dark. Blake is in charge of the dream world that can affect reality.

Moral Issue:
Maya doesn’t realize her actions affect the dream world, often with

catastrophic results.
Lysandra will do anything to get what she wants.
Sophia will do whatever it takes to keep Maya safe for that’s the only way to

insure her legacy and immortality.
Zander has his own set of rules and does what he wants.
Blake Robinson has kept his identity a secret from Maya, putting her in danger.

Unpredictable:
Maya is selfish and doesn’t think before she acts.
Lysandra has a volatile temper and you never know what will set it off.
Sophia is a schemer.
Zander is a con artist.
Blake knows secrets of the dream world and can still manipulate it even though

he’s imprisoned. Empathetic:

Maya feels she can’t trust anyone, not even her father. She navigates unknown worlds full of danger.

Lysandra was sentenced to live in the dark side of the dream world for something she didn’t do.

Sophia: She’s responsible for causing her son’s kidnapping.
Zander: He hides his lost soul and gult with optimism.
Blake Robinson will do anything to save his daughter and stop her from

becoming the Dreamweaver.
AI Revised Version Answers of Main Characters that I’m considering.

B. Unique Purpose/Expertise:

Maya possesses a rare innate ability to navigate the dream world. As a Dreamweaver, she has the power to shape dreams, entering them and altering their

course.

Maya’s deep-seated fear of failure drives her, stemming from an incident in her childhood where she inadvertently caused a nightmare for her best friend. She fears her powers and struggles to control them, which is a secret she hides from others.

Maya faces the moral dilemma of manipulating the dreams of others for her own gain. She must grapple with the ethical boundaries of invading people’s subconscious minds, even if it’s for a noble cause.

Maya’s actions are unpredictable because her emotions often cloud her judgment. When under stress, she might inadvertently alter dreams, leading to unforeseen consequences both in the dream world and the real world.

Maya’s relatable fear of inadequacy and her unwavering determination to

C. Intrigue:

D. Moral Issue:

E. Unpredictable:

F. Empathetic:

Lysandra (Antagonist)

B. Unique Purpose/Expertise:

D. Moral Issue:

E. Unpredictable:

F. Empathetic:

rescue her father make her a character audiences empathize with. Her vulnerability and bravery make viewers root for her success.

2.

Lysandra is a master manipulator of dark dreams, often using them to deceive and trap others. Her expertise lies in exploiting people’s deepest fears and

desires to achieve her sinister goals.
Lysandra demonstrates a complete lack of empathy.

Lysandra’s actions are unpredictable because she is willing to betray even her allies if it means advancing her agenda. Her ruthlessness keeps both characters and audiences guessing about her next move.

While Lysandra is ruthless, her complex backstory and the reasons behind her thirst for power create a sense of empathy.

3. Sophia (Maya’s Grandmother):

Sophia possesses deep knowledge about the Dreamweaver lineage, their powers, and the hidden dangers within the dream realm.

The secret beneath Sophia’s surface is that she was once a renowned Dreamweaver who battled dark forces within the dream world. She carries a burden of guilt for a past failure.

B. Unique Purpose/Expertise:

C. Intrigue:

D. Moral Issue:

E. Unpredictable:

A. Role in Show:

B. Unique Purpose/Expertise:

C. Intrigue:

D. Moral Issue:

E. Unpredictable:

F. Empathetic:

B. Unique Purpose/Expertise:

Sophia faces a moral dilemma when she has to decide whether to reveal the harsh realities of being a Dreamweaver to Maya. She struggles with the balance between protecting Maya from the harsh truths and preparing her for the challenges she will inevitably face.

Sophia is unpredictable in her methods; sometimes she offers gentle guidance, and at other times, she challenges Maya testing her abilities and resilience.

4. Zander (Shape-shifter in Dream World):

Zander is a mysterious and enigmatic character in the dream world, serving as both an ally and a potential threat to Maya. He aids Maya in her quest, providing valuable information and occasionally guiding her, all while concealing his true motives.

Zander possesses the rare ability to shape-shift in the dream world, allowing him to blend in seamlessly with the dream creatures and navigate the

dreamscape undetected. His expertise lies in understanding the intricate politics and dynamics of the dream world.

The secret beneath Zander’s surface is that he has a personal vendetta against the dark forces in the dream world. He has been seeking revenge for a past tragedy that befell his family, making him driven and ruthless in his pursuit of justice.

Zander grapples with the moral boundary of revenge. His intense desire for vengeance often leads him to cross ethical lines, endangering himself and those around him. This internal struggle becomes a central theme, questioning the price of seeking justice.

Zander’s actions are highly unpredictable. His loyalty wavers, and he constantly teeters on the edge of making choices that could either aid or betray Maya. His unpredictability keeps both Maya and the audience on their toes.

Despite his thirst for revenge, Zander’s tragic backstory and vulnerability make him a sympathetic character. The audience cares for him because they can understand the pain that drives him, even if his methods are questionable.

5. Blake Robinson (Maya’s Kidnapped Father and Dreamweaver):

Blake is the exceptionally powerful Dreamweaver, known for his ability to create intricate and vivid dreamscapes. His expertise lies not only in the art of

dreaming but also in diplomacy, as he navigates the delicate balance of power within the dream world.

C. Intrigue:

E. Unpredictable:

F. Empathetic:

The secret beneath Blake’s surface is that he willingly entered the dream world to protect Maya from an ancient prophecy that foretold her tragic destiny as a Dreamweaver. His sacrifice and the burden of knowing the future add layers of complexity to his character.

Blake’s actions are unpredictable as he struggles between being a protective father and captive. He surprises both Maya and the audience by making decisions that challenge traditional parental roles.

Blake’s deep love for Maya and his willingness to sacrifice his own freedom for her safety make him an incredibly empathetic character. His internal conflict between duty and paternal instinct resonates with the audience, making them root for his reunion with Maya.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Three Circles of Characters
What I learned doing this assignment is how it simplifies the beginning process of creating a series that I have no idea how to write at this time. It’s great to start with characters that are flawed or have possible hidden agendas and secrets. AI was helpful in expanding my creative ideas.
Assignment #1 – TV Series, “Hijack”
A. Main Character Circle

1. Sam Nelson, protagonist negotiator
2. Stuart, main hijacker
3. Alice, is late for work at the London airport and discovers the hijacking.

4. Daniel, detective and Marsha’s boyfriend
5. Captain Robin

B. Connected Circle
1. Marsha’s, Sam’s ex-wife

2. 1st Officer of the flight

3. Collette- flight attendant

4. Hijackers

5. Flight attendants
6. Specific Passengers

C. Environment Circle
1. Other passengers

2. Two men locked up by bad guys in plane

3. Airport personnel in London and Dubai

4. Killers on the ground

Assignment #2 – My Show

A. Main Character Circle

1. Maya Robinson is a spoiled, rich teenager, a daddy’s girl in search of her kidnapped father in the world of dreams with no idea of her destiny as a Dreamweaver who can control dreams and shape reality.

2. Zander is a young man, a shape-shifter, who protects Maya in the dream world.
3. Sophia, Maya’s maternal grandmother takes her away from all she knows to a small town to protect her identity.

4.Lysandra, Blake’s kidnapper, controls the dark side of the dream world, and wants to control reality.

5. Hugo is Maya’s loyal and adventurous new friend.

B. Connected Circle
1. Blake Robinson is Maya’s kidnapped father.
2. Nyxi is a lullaby-singing squirrel and pal of Zander.
3. Skye is Maya’s new girl friend and part of Maya’s team.
4. Oliver is a teen computer geek and member of Maya’s team.

5. Nightsmith is unpredictable and corrupts dreams for Lysandra.

C. Environment Circle
1. School kids/ school authority figures

2. Riders are monsters who ride their victims to the dark realm of nightmares for imprisonment.

3. Dream characters, animals both good, neutral, and bad

4. Dream traders
5. Memory Thief

[Denice Lewis]

Hijack, 5-Star Model

What I learned doing this assignment is that there is always more hidden that can be discovered. Every turn of the head, character involvement, and visuals become more important if you pay attention. Sympathy is created from the first moment we meet Sam, the main character. The music and lyrics play an important part in extending the feelings and the plot, too.

Big Picture Hook: An airliner going from Dubai to London is hijacked. One of the passengers offers to help the hijackers saying he only cares about getting home to his family, but he’s an expert at negotiation and a liar.

Intriguing Characters – Some of these may not be main characters, but they were more intriguing to me in the pilot.

Sam Nelson – super aware of everything, smart, caring, expert in negotiation, going home to get his ex-wife back and she’s in another relationship.

There is little known about the hijackers in the pilot except that they have inside information about the Captain and the flight attendant that allows them access to the cockpit. Stuart, their leader has issues with infidelity.

Zahar is an interesting character because her husband and child have apparently been kidnapped. She works at the airport in Dubai and is in on some kind of plot that’s unclear.

Captain Robin won’t open the cockpit until Collette, his flight attendant lover’s life is threatened. He’s willing to beat his 1st Officer. We feel empathy, distress, and loathing.

Empathy/Distress – Sam loves his wife and son, but he’s with another man. His plane is hijacked. His wife won’t answer his texts. His texting to his wife could get him killed. He’s put himself in harm’s way by offering to help the hijackers.

Zahar’s husband and daughter have apparently been kidnapped.

Officer Anna, She’s trying to do her job and gets beaten by the Captain.

We worry about the passengers and their lives, the students, parents, kids.

Layers/Open Loops – How did 5 hijackers get guns onto the plane? Why did they hijack it, their ulterior motive? Will the passengers get hurt or killed? Are there other passengers in on the hijacking plot? Is there a plot to hijack the hijackers? Will Sam succeed or lose his life? Can the cop who knows about this help? Who are the people on the ground helping the hijackers?

Inviting Obsession – For me, this pilot didn’t create the need to see every episode, although it did for my husband. I could actually leave it at this point, but I won’t. It sets up a time limit which creates tension and suspense. It creates sympathetic characters. It creates questions about survival, motive, how widespread the conspiracy is, sacrifice, and the ultimate outcome. Will Sam succeed or die saving the passengers? Will he reunite with hits family?

[Denice Lewis]

My name is Denice Hughes Lewis. I agree to the terms of this agreement.

[Denice Lewis]

Hi! I’m Denice. I’ve written at least a dozen scripts and have taken a lot of Hal’s courses from Action to Binge TV, Comedy, the ProSeries, rewriting, etc. I hope to write a fantastic new, Binge Worthy TV script by using AI. i also publish and write fantasy and sci-fi kid lit, inspired by the dragons around me.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Rewrite, QE Cycle #6

Logline: Two FBI Agents at odds with each other face imminent death.

Essence: They love each other.

Scene:

EXT. ARIZONA, SONORAN DESERT – NIGHT

Storm clouds play hide-and-seek with the moon. Enormous scorpion scurries under a rock.

Eighteen-wheeler roars over a dirt road. A huge steel pipe looms on its flatbed trailer. Semi grinds to a halt by a wide ditch.

TWO MEN in lab coats leap from the semi. Unhook the cables. Roll the pipe off the trailer.

Screams, yells echo from inside. Steel pipe thuds into the ditch.

The truck turns around. Rumbles toward the dim lights of an industrial complex almost concealed in the rocky bluffs.

Lightning flashes behind the mountains.

Voices echo out of the pipe.

MARCUS (O.S.)

Darn. Their tactics sure are efficient.

CARLEY (O.S.)

My arms are falling asleep.

INT. PIPE – NIGHT

Pale light from each end of the pipe reveals two people. They face each other, hands tied over their heads. Ankles bound together.

CARLEY STONE (26), is baby-doll pretty. Curvaceous body belies the tough FBI agent.

MARCUS MANN (32), is her rugged, Southern, FBI superior. A trickle of blood runs over his black eye.

CARLEY

You’re bleeding, Agent Mann, Sir. You okay?

MARCUS

I do apologize for my eye crashing into your elbow. However, it wasn’t my chest that bumped the lever which brought the guards a runnin’. Almost thought you betrayed us on purpose.

She butts him in the face with her head. He yells.

CARLEY

I’m no traitor. You wouldn’t have noticed if you hadn’t been staring.

He sighs.

MARCUS

Tonight, I’m sorry you have a chest, darlin’.

CARLEY

Please cut out the endearments. I work under you.

She bites her lip. He grins. Gazes into her eyes. She hesitates, looks away.

CARLEY

Your idea of sneaking into the buildings instead of getting a warrant got us into this mess.

MARCUS

Waste of time when they’ve paid off the judge, the sheriff, the whole damn county. Wanted to catch them in the act.

Thunder shakes the pipe. Thousands of pings hit the pipe.

CARLEY

I’d rather the raindrops were falling on my head.

MARCUS

Right. Open you knees.

CARLEY

I beg your pardon?

MARCUS

We can’t get outta’ here unless we bend our knees and scooch to the end.

CARLEY

Come up with a different ingenious ides, Sir.

Muddy water oozes over them. Carley yelps.

MARCUS

Open your knees, unless you want to drown. A direct order, Agent Stone.

Her jaw tightens. She opens her knees. He puts one of his between them.

MARCUS

Now move.

Like an uncoordinated caterpillar, they rub against each other while inching toward the end of the pipe.

MARCUS

Watch it darlin’. I need those.

CARLEY

I don’t need that.

MARCUS

Forgive me. I’m doing my best under dire circumstances.

EXT. PIPE – NIGHT

Total darkness. Except for intermittent lightning. Rain pours.

Marcus and Carley wiggle out of the pipe. Sink in an inch of mud.

MARCUS

That worked better than expected. Nothing like movement to get the old blood circulating.

CARLEY

My hands are numb.

MARCUS

I’m sorry. Should have come alone. Too bad you broke our flashlight over that guard’s head.

CARLEY

I have a penlight.

Thunder shakes the sky.

MARCUS

Planning on divulging the location before we drown?

CARLEY

It’s . . . ah, under my t-shirt . . . in . . .

MARCUS

Guess I didn’t have a lock on strategy after all.

CARLEY

Are we going to die?

MARCUS

I’m not ready.

CARLEY

Please hurry up.

MARCUS

I love the way to say please.

She looks into his eyes. Melts. Looks away.

Flashes of lightning highlight Marcus as he lowers his head. His mouth rummages around in her tank top.

CARLEY

“Four score and seven years ago, our forefathers brought forth on this continent” . . . oh .

His head pops up. He smiles.

MARCUS

Sorry. Hard findin’ something small in there.

CARLEY

SIR. I swear I’ll make your eyes match.

He chuckles. Resumes his task.

CARLEY

Ah, “our forefathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in libertEEE “. . .

Marcus pulls out the penlight. Clicks it on. Shines the small light on the deep gully, then back toward the pipe.

Flood water screams in the distance. Races toward them.

MARCUS

Help me flip on my back. We need the water that’s comin’ to loosen the ropes so you can full free and save yourself.

CARLEY

Think of something else. I can’t watch you drown.

MARCUS

It’s an order, Carley.

She rolls on top of him.

The flood sounds like a maddened beast. A ten-foot wave smashes over them. They disappear underwater.

Carley pushes her head above water. Gasps. She yanks her hands. Slips from the rope. She lifts Marcus’s head above the water.

CARLEY

Marcus, Marcus.

He surges up, desperate arms around Carley. Chokes. Coughs.

MARCUS

I get the top next time.

She smiles.

The flood flows past. They lie in three inches of water.

Faint alarms ring through the dark night.

MARCUS

We didn’t trigger those alarms.

CARLEY

Don’t they think we’re dead?

MARCUS

Shit. They’re dumpin the pesticides to make sure.

He fumbles with their ankle ropes.

A glowing green wave swells toward them.

He loosens the last knot. Struggles up the muddy bank.

MARCUS

Climb.

Carley slips back into the gully. Marcus slides down. Wraps his arms around her waist. Hauls her to safely. They collapse in a heap. She stares into his eyes.

CARLEY

You can let me go.

MARCUS

Don’t want to.

He wipes straggles of hair from her face.

MARCUS

I was worried there for a second that we’d have six-legged babies.

CARLEY

You want children?

MARCUS

Only with you.

Their passionate kiss is life-affirming.

Five Native American spears jab into their shoulders.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s QE #6

Logline: Two FBI agents at odds with each other face imminent death.

Essence: They discover their love.

SCENE:

EXT. ARIZONA, SONORAN DESERT – NIGHT

Storm clouds play hide-and seek with the moon. Enormous scorpion scurries under a rock.

Eighteen-wheeler roars over a dirt road. A huge steel pipe looms on its flatbed trailer. Semi grinds to a halt by a wide ditch.

TWO MEN in lab coats leap from the semi. Unhook the cables. Roll the pipe off the trailer.

Screams, yells echo from inside. Steel pipe thuds into the ditch.

The truck turns around. Rumbles toward the dim lights of an industrial complex concealed in the rocky bluffs.

Lightning flashes in the distance.

Voices echo out of the pipe.

MARCUS (O.S.)

I must say, their tactics are quite efficient.

CARLEY (O.S.)

My arms are falling asleep.

INT. PIPE – NIGHT

Pale light from each end reveals two people: They face each other, hands tied over their heads. Ankles bound together.

CARLEY STONE (24), is baby-doll pretty. Curvaceous body belies the tough FBI agent.

MARCUS MANN (32), is her rugged, Southern, FBI superior A trickle of blood runs over his black eye.

CARLEY

You’re bleeding, Agent Mann, Sir. You okay?

MARCUS

Our enemies could use your, ah, attributes, Miss Stone. I do apologize for crashing my eye into your elbow. However, it wasn’t my chest that bumped the lever which brought the guards a runnin’.

CARLEY

You were staring.

He sighs.

MARCUS

Tonight, I’m sorry you have a chest, darlin’.

CARLEY

Cut the endearments, please. I work under you.

He smiles. Gazes into her eyes. She hesitates, looks away.

CARLEY

Your idea of sneaking into the complex at night got us into this.

Thunder shakes the pipe. Raindrops ping above their heads.

MARCUS

I’m afraid we’re in a heap of trouble. Open your knees.

CARLEY

I beg your pardon?

MARCUS

We can’t get outta’ here unless we bend our knees and scooch to the end.

CARLEY

Come up with a different one of your ingenious ideas, Sir.

Muddy water oozes over them. Carley screams.

MARCUS

Open your knees unless you want to drown. That’s a direct order, Agent Stone.

She opens her knees. He puts one of his between them.

MARCUS

Now move.

Like an uncoordinated caterpillar, they rub against each other while inching their way toward the end of the pipe.

MARCUS

Watch it darlin’. I need those.

CARLEY

I don’t need that.

MARCUS

Forgive me. I’m doing my best under dire circumstances.

EXT. PIPE – NIGHT

Total darkness. Except for intermittent lightning. Rain pours.

Marcus and Carley wiggle out of the pipe. Cough. Sputter. They sink in an inch of mud.

MARCUS

Don’t you think that worked better than expected?

CARLEY

My hands are numb.

MARCUS
I’m trying to control my circulation. Would help if you stopped shiverin’. Too bad we don’t have a flashlight.

CARLEY

How did I know it would break on that guard’s head? . . . I have a penlight.

MARCUS

Guess I didn’t have a lock on strategy.

Thunder shakes the sky.

CARLEY

Are we going to die?

MARCUS

I’m not ready.

CARLEY

Please hurry up.

MARCUS

I love the way you say, please.

She looks into his eyes. They connect. He lowers his head to her chest. His mouth rummages around in her tank top.

CARLEY

Four score and seven years ago, our forefathers brought forth on this continent” – oh.

His head pops up. He grins.

MARCUS

Sorry. Hard to find something small in there.

CARLEY

SIR. I swear I’ll give you another black eye.

He chuckles. Resumes his task.

CARLEY

“Ah, our forefathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in libert EEE . . .

Marcus pulls out the penlight with his teeth. Clicks it on. Shines the small light on the deep gully, then back toward the pipe.

Flood water explodes in the distance. Races toward them.

MARCUS

Help me flip on my back. We need the water that’s comin’ to loosen the ropes so you can pull free.

CARLEY

No. Please. I can’t watch you drown.

MARCUS

It’s an order, Carley.

He rolls her on top of him. A ten-foot wave smashes over them. They disappear underwater.

Carley’s head surfaces. She gasps. Yanks on the rope. Slips her hands out. She lifts Marcus’s head above the water.

CARLEY

Marcus. Marcus.

He surges up, desperate arms around Carley. He gasps. Coughs.

MARCUS

I get on top next time.

She smiles. The flood dissipates. They lie in three inches of water.

Faint alarms ring through the dark night.

MARCUS

We didn’t trigger those alarms.

CARLEY

Don’t they think we’re dead?

MARCUS

Shit. They’re dumpin’ the pesticides to make sure.

He fumbles with their ankle ropes.

A glowing green wave swells toward them.

MARCUS

Climb.

Carley slips. Marcus wrap his arm around her waist. Hauls her to safety. They collapse.

CARLEY

You can let me go.

MARCUS

Don’t want to.

He wipes straggles of hair from her face.

MARCUS

I was worried there for a second that we’d have six-legged babies.

CARLEY

You want children?

MARCUS

Only with you.

Their passionate kiss is life-affirming.

[Denice Lewis]

Hi Robert! I really like your choice of characters, very unique. Here are comments and suggestions to think about.

Traits and Subtext – Phillip – His dominate traits are manipulation and entitlement with needing his cape, his comment about his public. He shows politeness when he calls the cops, my good man, but you could change the polite phrases so they aren’t so repetitive. He could also use ‘please’ with Brandy. I see one reference about guilt that he says about himself. His actions toward her could show this. Excellent subtext. You could even change his sentence about freeing her to be subtextual.

Traits and Subtext – Brandy – Her traits are a little more balanced: entertaining in the restaurant, her super subtext about performing for him. You might be able to raise her status-seeking trait if she wasn’t first violin and is doing everything she can to get that position – like sleeping with him, playing for hime, packing for him, waiting on him. Why would she ask Phillip “What have you done?” when the cops knock on the door? There’s nothing in the scene that would suggest this question here. I love her first dialogue with the cops! Rather than complying with the cops later on and accepting the handcuffs with no dialogue, this is a good place to have her subtext of lying to serve her purpose, her pleading for help from Phillip.

Interest Techniques: You have done a great job with these! Rather than point them out, I’d rather comment on how you might add more. I usually lack Superior Position. But you could rearrange the scene and have us hear the conversation Phillip has with his hired killer first – maybe even keep us in suspense about what he’s talking about for a set-up, too. He could be in the bathroom or something. That way you might have a bigger cliffhanger when Brandy is taken away. I like the cliffhanger as it is, but it seems like a forgone conclusion that Brandy doesn’t have a chance. Just a suggestion. I’m sure you can come up with a better one. Phillip might even show or relate his dilemma when Brandy is actually cuffed. He could also mislead the cops in her defense which manipulates everyone.

You might separate the long descriptive beginning for easier reading. Set the place, separate the characters, their actions.

Thank you for the entertaining read! You made me laugh.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Rewrite, Lesson 24

Logline: Brandy expects Philip to get her released from prison after she lied to save him.

Essence: He sabotages her, having learned her secret.

INT. COLORADO, UNDERGROUND GLASS CELL, 2037 – DAY

Stark. Institutional. A dozen recessed monitors scour the room.

Glass and steel enclose BRANDY DUET (20’s). Vibrant, body-hugging clothes reveal a strong, sexy body. She does pushups in isolated confinement.

BRANDY (V.O.)

Two-hundred forty-eight. Two-hundred forty-nine. Two-hundred fifty.

She rises. Effortless. Not a drop of sweat on her.

A chime rings. A worried frown creases her flawless face.

PHILLIP KING (30’s) steps inside. Impeccable, tailored suit. Hawk eyes in a tall, lithe body. He lifts his Patrician nose. Squares his shoulders and strides toward her.

Brandy breaks into a relieved smile. She twirls in a little dance of pleasure.

BRANDY

I thought you’d never come.

PHILLIP

Please forgive me, Miss Duet. I had other, more important commitments.

Confusion crosses her face.

BRANDY

Didn’t you say I had the most importance in your life?

He avoids her eyes.

PHILLIP

Despite your beauty, you presented a quandary.

BRANDY

No thanks for saving your life?

He glances at the monitors in the wall.

PHILLIP

Thank you. I expected your, ah, cooperation in telling the authorities the truth. I’ve never seen such competence.

She checks the monitors. Takes a deep breath.

BRANDY

Will you take me to meet your family now?

PHILLIP

I’m sorry. That’s quite impossible. Although, I admit I feel some remorse.

BRANDY

What did you tell your parents about me?

PHILLIP

That you’ll be incarcerated here until your execution.

Her mouth falls open. Eyes flash orange.

BRANDY

You love me. You promised we’d have a life together.

PHILLIP

I certainly don’t belong in here and you have served your purpose.

She yells at the monitors.

BRANDY

I want to tell the truth about this murdering coward.

His black eyes narrow.

PHILLIP

More lies will only make things worse. I’m sorry. I had to tell them the secret you kept from me.

BRANDY

What secret? Why are you doing this? I love you.

PHILLIP

An easy word to say without meaning. You misled me. I abhor you. The international authorities will deal with your kind.

Brandy gasps. Wraps her arms around her waist.

PHILLIP

So sorry. Out of curiosity, what alien inhabits the other half of the entertainment you provided me?

Brandy shrieks. Unearthly. She slams into the glass. A shock of electricity reveals a beautiful, silky green alien with silver scales inside Brandy.

Phillip stares in awe. Distaste.

PHILLIP

You melded with an unknown species? I expect your stay here,will be longer than expected.

He turns away.

She collapses on the floor, her voice a whimper.

BRANDY

I need your help. Phillip. Don’t let your son die.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s QE #5 Scene

Logline: Brandy expects Phillip to get her released from prison after she lied to save him.

Essence: His plan doesn’t include forgiveness.

SCENE:

INT. COLORADO, UNDERGROUND GLASS CELL – DAY

A frown mars BRANDY DUET’S flawless face. She twenty-something. Does pushups in isolated confinement.

BRANDY

Two-hundred fifty.

She rises. Effortless. Not a drop of sweat on her.

A chime rings.

PHILLIP KING (30’s), strides through the iron doors toward her. He takes a deep breath.

Her face breaks into a relieved smile. She does a little dance.

He stands rigid. Avoids her eyes.

PHILLIP

You are beautiful. I must admit you caused me quite a quandary.

BRANDY

No, thank you for my life?

PHILLIP

I expected your, ah, cooperation.

He looks at the security camera. Leans in and whispers.

PHILLIP

Miss Duet. I’ve never seen such competence.

Confusion fills her face.

BRANDY

Will your parents accept me now?

PHILLIP

They won’t have the opportunity.

Her mouth falls open in shocked disbelief.

PHILLIP

I do feel some remorse.

BRANDY

What did you tell your parents about me?

PHILLIP

That you’ll be incarcerated here until your execution.

Her eyes flash orange. She sinks to the floor.

BRANDY

You promised we’d have a life together.

PHILLIP

You have served your purpose. I certainly don’t belong in here. His black eyes narrow.

BRANDY

I don’t understand.

PHILLIP

You misled me. I abhor aliens.

She leaps up. Glass shocks her hands. She crashes to the floor.

BRANDY

Please, Phillip. I love you.

PHILLIP

I pretended to love you.

She shrieks. Unearthly.

He retreats in disgust. Turns.

PHILLIP

Out of curiosity, what’s your other half? Tragon? Slogth? Finarian? No matter. Goodbye, Miss Duet.

Shocked, she can barely speak.

BRANDY

Don’t leave us to die. I’m pregnant with your son.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Interest Scene

Wnat I learned doing this assignment is the value of knowing the interest techniques and how to use them better with the set-ups.

SCENE:

EXT. PARIS, PARC MONCEAU – NIGHT

Sporadic lanterns provide circles of light in the darkness. Sirens break the silence.

Two figures race under shadowed trees. RICK JOHNSON (30’S), rugged rogue, grabs LANIE TRUST, (late 20’s) committed, tough.

He kisses her. Her eyes shine.

LANIE

I love you.

RICK

I’m gonna miss you.

He handcuffs her.

LANIE

What the hell?

RICK

I can’t get caught. Two many run-ins with the flics.

LANIE

Better French police over Russian. Take these off.

RICK

You’ll be fine, Miss Diplomatic Immunity. Where did you hide the cipher?

LANIE

Fuck you.

Footsteps and voices echo in the distance. Panic fills her eyes.

LANIE

Take these off or you’ll regret it.

RICK

Ah, sweetie. I can finish the mission.

LANIE

Our mission.

RICK

We both can’t get caught.

She kicks him. Runs away. He tackles her.

RICK

Where’s the cipher?

Her jaw clenches.

LANIE

Meet me in my favorite spot. Red Room. Louvre. Tomorrow.

RICK

Shit. You be there at three.

He slinks into the shadows.

Four BRITISH INTELLIGENCE AGENTS, dressed like French Police, hurry up. AGENT ONE grabs Lanie.

LANIE

He’s gone. Get these damn things off.

AGENT ONE

Right then.

Lanie glances at the trees where Rick disappeared. Sadness flits across her face.

LANIE

Set it up.

INT. LOUVRE, RED ROOM – DAY

Tourists from around the world crowd the room. Famous, large paintings dominate the walls, their subjects alive in brilliant color. Several parents hush their kids to uplifted noses.

Lanie sits on a bench in front of THE OATH OF THE HORATII. She glances at the doorways.

Rick glides inside. Eyes alert, searching. He takes a relieved breath. Sits by Lanie.

RICK

Why do you sit in front of this painting?

LANIE

Why do you want to finish our mission alone?

RICK

You mean too much to me.

LANIE

Liar.

He moves a hand inside his jacket. Points a gun at her.

RICK

Give me the cipher.

She sighs. Reaches under the bench. Retrieves a tiny disc.

LANIE

I thought you were smarter.

He snatches the disc.

Lanie pulls out a small syringe.

LANIE

If you come quietly, I won’t have to use this.

He raises an eyebrow. Smiles.

RICK

I don’t think so.

LANIE

That’s your problem.

EIGHT WOMEN AGENTS, disguised as mothers, disengage from the children around them. Surround Rick.

His mouth drops open.

RICK

Clever. I admit it. But, c’mon, sweetie. Let me go. You know you want to.

She swallows hard. Gazes into his eyes.

LANIE

Is money that important?

RICK

Says the woman born with a silver spoon.

He leaps up.

ONE WOMAN AGENT sticks a syringe in his neck.

Surprise, anger fill his face.

LANIE

Don’t worry. It won’t kill you.

Two Agents grab his arms. The others flank him.

He glares back at Lanie.

RICK

Tell me. What’s so goddamn great about that stupid painting?

LANIE

I would’t expect you to understand personal sacrifice.

She takes back the disc.

He snarls.

RICK

I’ll see you again, sweetie. I promise.

[Denice Lewis]

Well, I guess I didn’t do the whole assignment.

Logline: Lanie suspects Rick is a double agent.

Interest Techniques: anticipatory dialogue, intrigue, uncomfortable moment, betrayal, character change, cliffhanger, create future, hook, interesting setting, major twist, mislead/reveal, prediction, something unseen, superior position, surprise/setup, suspense, uncertainty, dilemma, mystery

I think.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice Reveals

What I learned doing this assignment was that most of my scenes are set-ups for the main reveals and surprises at the climax of the script. This was difficult for me to pin down to one scene, even though the process seems more simple than I made it.

Scene logline: Everett wants to talk to his daughter now that she sees him.

Structure of scene:

1. Demand: Everett wants to convince her to leave.

2. Cover-up: He doesn’t want her to know his plans for Finn.

3. Reveal: She gets him to tell the truth.

Scene:

INT. DOWNSTAIRS BEDROOM – NIGHT

Ann locks the door. Sits on the edge of the bed. Holds her head.

Everett jams his head through the ceiling.

EVERETT

Can we talk now?

She jumps a foot.

He yanks out of the ceiling. Plops on the floor. Drags up.

EVERETT

Didn’t mean for any of this to happen, Annie Girl.

She leaps up. Brandishes a lamp like a sword.

ANN

Stay away from me.

EVERETT

You’d hit your own dad?

ANN

My dad is dead.

EVERETT

Ah, don’t say that. I’m right here. You gotta understand. I fell down the stairs and woke up in a coffin. Don’t feel like a ghost. Or look like one. But, I’m not alive. Been hard figuring things out.

ANN

I don’t know what to believe. There’s a fairy upstairs, a ghost in my bedroom. What’s next? A vampire in the kitchen?

Everett laughs.

EVERETT

Vampires don’t exist.

ANN

Says the ghost.

EVERETT

I’m different.

Ann

Why are you still here?

EVERETT

Um . . . to tell you to go home.

ANN

Why are you always sending me away? You wouldn’t let me come home after Mom. I needed to grieve with my family.

EVERETT

My life was over.

Tears drip down Ann’s face.

ANN

I lost more.

He slumps on the bed.

ANN

I forgive you, Dad.

He leans toward her.

EVERETT

Don’t deserve that.

ANN

What’s your plan for the man upstairs?

EVERETT

Men don’t have wings.

ANN

He’s a living being.

Everett glares at her.

EVERETT

I forbid you to be anywhere near him. Go home.

Ann crosses her arms.

ANN

My car doesn’t work, remember. I’m not walking ten miles to town.

Everett clenches and unclenches his hands.

She gets in his face. Shivers.

ANN

Why is Finn trapped upstairs?

Everett’s face turns red.

EVERETT

Because I’m going to kill him.

She gasps.

ANN

You’d be a murderer.

He grins.

EVERETT

Can’t convict a dead man for killing something that doesn’t exist.

ANN

My dad would never hurt anything.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Character Relationships

What I learned doing this assignments changed my thinking from the plot to the interaction of character traits and how they will drive actions, dialogue, and story. I change two traits for the main character and one each for the other three. It will be exciting to see how this affects the script.

Everett/Mellieora: loving, hot-headed, vengeful, devious vs. entreating, stubborn, withholding, loving

Rapport: They loved each other and were married 30 years.

Conflict: She’s dead, but talks to him in her images around the house. Because she withholds information, his vengeful trait shows. He can see her because he’s dead, but not quite all-ghost.

Contrast: Her entreating trait soothes his hot-headed trait.

Competition: Everett thinks his wife was having an affair with Finn and her stubbornness in withholding the truth causes his vengeance.

Subtext: Mellieora has withheld information about their son, Finn, to save her family which exposes Everett’s devious and vengeful traits in his wish to kill Finn.

Everett/Ann: loving, hot-headed, vengeful, devious vs. caring, stubborn, skeptical, righteous

Rapport: Father and daughter loved each other when he was alive.

Conflict: She can’t see his ghost because of her skeptical trait and disbelief in the paranormal. When she does see her father, her caring and righteous traits conflict with his vengeful and devious traits to kill Finn. Her stubborn trait and his hot-headed trait pit them against each other.

Contrast: Everett’s vengeful trait is completely opposite of Ann’s righteousness.

Competition: She’s stubborn in proving that ghosts don’t exist. He’s hot-headed because he’s ineffectual in making her see him. Her caring and righteous traits about Finn’s incarceration conflict with Everett’s vengeful, devious traits.

Subtext: Ann’s skepticism has caused her to lose faith in the unseen world she believed in as a child. Everett’s vengeful trait covers his guilt over Mellieora’s death.

Everett/Finn: loving, hot-headed, vengeful, devious vs. charming, protective, trustworthy, calculating.

Rapport: This only happens when Everett’s loving trait and Finn’s protective trait come into play in saving Ann from the Queen of Air and Darkness.

Conflict: Finn’s calculating trait conflicts with Everett’s devious trait when he tries to escape. His charming trait toward Ann makes Everett hot-headed and more vengeful.

Contrast: Everett’s devious and vengeful traits conflict with Finn’s calculating and trustworthy traits.

Competition: Finn’s charming and protective traits toward Ann ignite Everett’s hot-headed, vengeful, and devious traits.

Subtext: Finn is determined to find out what happened to Mellieora and escape from Everett.

Ann/Finn: caring, stubborn, skeptical, righteous vs charming, protective, trustworthy, calculating

Rapport: They get along when he’s charming and she’s caring.

Conflict: Her stubborn, skeptical traits flair when he’s protective and calculating.

Contrast: Her skepticism and his trustworthy traits contrast when he’s trying to make her believe her father is present as a ghost.

Competition: She’s skeptical when he’s trying to protect her from what she can’t see.

Subtext: Their conflicting traits won’t allow them to admit they’re falling for each other.

Ann/Mellieora: caring, stubborn, skeptical, righteous vs. entreating, stubborn, withholding, caring

Rapport: They loved each other as daughter and mother.

Subtext: Ann only sees her mother when she’s knocked unconscious. Mellieora is cryptic in her guidance to Ann for helping her father. She also withholds the informations that Ann is not their biological child.

Mellieora/Finn: entreating, stubborn, withholding, caring vs. charming, protective, trustworthy, calculating

Rapport: Finn is Mllieora’s son who’s been searching for her. They only have a few hours together before she dies in an accident.

Subtext: Mellieora doesn’t tell her husband that Finn is their son and Finn doesn’t know it, either, which shows her caring, stubborn, and withholding traits.

[Denice Lewis]

INT. INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION ZION X, SLEEPING QUARTERS, 2026 – NIGHT

Dim lights illumine the square white space. Closed sleeping compartments hide in each side, the ceiling and floor.

MAXINE, attractive communications officer, opens her cubical door. Crawls out of her narrow sleeping bag. Holds her mouth. She floats to the bathroom as fast as she can by grabbing onto anything.

She opens the door. No time to close it.

INT. BATHROOM – MIGHT

Maxine kneels. Vomits – not low enough. Vomit floats up out of the commode around her head.

RENEE, friend and psychologist, stands in her pajamas at the door.

RENEE

That’s so gross.

Maxine yelps. Grabs her chest.

MAXINE

Don’t sneak up on me. It’s spooky enough at night.

Renee grins.

RENEE

Don’t worry. The boogyman didn’t follow you into space.

MAXINE

I don’t believe in common myths.

She grabs paper towels. Floats to catch the drifting vomit.

RENEE

You really need to follow bathroom protocol. Until we send you and part of the crew back home, the added scientists make it really important to be tidy.

Maxine holds back tears.

MAXINE

You know I didn’t plan being . . .I couldn’t make it here in time.

RENEE

Why not tell me who the father is? The jerk should be accountable.

MAXINE

NO. I can’t tell anyone.

She snatches a piece of floating vomit.

Renee sniffs. Blows vomit away from her.

RENEE

Take some bags to bed. It will save you this disgusting cleanup.

Maxine disposes of the final vomit.

MAXINE

God, I miss Daddy’s butler.

RENEE

Guess what? The Commander noticed how much I’ve helped the crew. He said I was the most approachable psychologist he’s ever met. And he asked me to dinner.

Maxine pushes past Renee. Peers out the open door in fright. Pulls Renee inside. Closes the door.

MAXINE

The Commander is married with three children.

RENEE

Who cares? Your affair with him was over a month ago.

MAXINE

I never date my superiors.

RENEE

I saw you together.

MAXINE

One required meeting is not being together. What are you planning?

RENEE

I worked my butt off to get here. I’m up to my ears in debt. I’ll do whatever is needed to get his recommendation when I leave in three months. Then, I can get a job that will pay me what I’m worth.

She whispers.

RENEE

But when I was talking to him, it kind of slipped out about your pregnancy. He was concerned that you hadn’t reported it.

Maxine clenches her stomach. Tears drip down her cheek.

MAXINE

You promised you wouldn’t tell anyone. How could you do this to me?

RENEE

You’ve put your life and your baby’s at great risk. We still don’t know the effect of weightlessness or radiation on a human fetus in space.

MAXINE

I would have been back home in two weeks. Before anyone found out. What am I going to do now?

RENEE

Tell the Commander. Do you want to put his career on the line?

MAXINE

What do you think will happen to my career? You have no idea of the things I’ve done to get here.

Renee shrugs.

RENEE

You’ve got rich family.

Maxine glares. Hisses.

MAXINE

I hope the Commander treats you well. He raped me.

[Denice Lewis]

LOGLINE: Maxine finds out the secret of her pregnancy hasn’t been kept.

ESSENCE: Maxine gets revenge.

TRAIT CHANGED: Maxine’s tricky trait was changed to vengeful.

SCENE:

INT. INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION ZION X, SLEEPING QUARTERS, 2029 – NIGHT

MAXINE, communications officer, crawls out of her narrow sleeping bag. Floats to the bathroom s fast as she can by grabbing onto everything.

She opens the door. Kneels. Vomits. Not close enough. Vomit floats up and out of the commode.

RENEE, the psychologist, stands at the door in her pajamas.

RENEE

That’s so gross.

Maxine yelps. Grabs her chest.

MAXINE

You scared me.

Renee laughs.

RENEE

Don’t worry. The boogyman didn’t follow you into space.

MAXINE

I wasn’t raised believing that bourgeois nonsense.

She grabs towels. Floats to catch the drifting vomit.

RENEE

You really need to follow bathroom protocol. Until we send you and the rest of the crew back home, the added scientists make it really important to be tidy.

Maxine holds back tears.

MAXINE

You know I didn’t plan being . . . I couldn’t make it here in time.

RENEE

Why not tell who the father is? The jerk should be here to help you.

MAXINE

No one else needs to know.

Renee sniffs. Blows away floating vomit.

RENEE

Take some bags to bed. It will save you this disgusting cleanup.

MAXINE

Daddy’s butler could do this faster.

She disposes of the final piece of vomit.

RENEE

How nice to be so rich. By the way, the Commander notices how much I’ve helped the crew. Said I was the most approachable psychologist he’s ever met. We’re going to have dinner.

Maxine peers out the open door in fright. Pulls Renee inside. Closes the door in the confined area.

MAXINE

Not the Commander, Renee. He’s married with three children.

RENEE

Who cares? Your affair was over a month ago.

MAXINE

I don’t have affairs with my bosses. Or date them.

RENEE

I saw you together.

MAXINE

One required meeting is not being together. What are you planning?

RENEE

I worked my butt off to get here. I’ll do whatever I need to get his recommendation when I leave in two months. Then, I can get a job that will pay me what I’m worth.

She winces. Whispers.

RENEE

But, it kind of slipped out about your pregnancy. He was concerned that you hadn’t reported it.

Maxine collapses. Holds her stomach. Tears drip down her cheek.

MAXINE

You promised you wouldn’t tell anyone. I would have been home before anyone found out. How could you?

RENEE

Our Commander needs to know. You’re putting your life and your baby’s at risk. Do you want his career on the line?

MAXINE

I care about my baby.

Renee laughs.

RENEE

Now you’re just being jealous.

MAXINE

What do you think will happen to my career if anyone finds out? I’ve dreamed of being in space my whole life. I’ve done everything to get here.

RENEE

You’ve got family.

Maxine frowns through her tears.

MAXINE

I hope the Commander takes better care of you. He raped me.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Rewrite

Logline: Nancy and Squire, ex-girlfriend/boyfriend have to take care of a pet shop.

Essence: There’s no doubt these two will never get back together.

INT. WE LOVE PETS – DAY

The rising sun shines through the windows of a small, tidy pet shop.

NANCY (17), unlocks, pushes through the door. A small bell rings over the door.

Animals rustle in their cages. Bark, trill, squawk.

She locks the door behind her.

NANCY

Morning, everyone! I’m here to make your day wonderful.

A Blue-Throated Macaw, BLUEBEARD, flies toward Nancy.

BLUEBEARD

Ahoy.

He lands on Nancy’s shoulder.

NANCY

Ahoy, Bluebeard. How’s my smart boy?

She scratches blue neck feather surrounded by brilliant gold.

NANCY

If I had twelve hundred dollars, I’d give you a great home.

A knock on the door. Bluebeard sweeps toward it. Perches on the top of the door jam.

BLUEBEARD

Ahoy, me hearty.

Nancy unlocks, and carefully opens the door an inch.

NANCY

Sorry, we’re closed. Come back in an hour.

SQUIRE (17), shoves his head through the opening. Shit. It’s her. He smiles.

SQUIRE

Hey, Beautiful.

Nancy sucks in a breath. Tries to close the door on his neck.

NANCY

Go away.

He winks.

SQUIRE

Please, don’t make me lose my head again.

NANCY

I don’t want the bird to get out.

Squire twists his head up to the Macaw.

SQUIRE

He likes me too much o leave. Ahoy, matey.

Squire pushes inside.

The bell rings.

Squire leans toward Nancy with a grin.

SQUIRE

What a surprise, Beautiful.

NANCY

Stop calling me that. Why are you here? Are you stalking me?

Bluebeard flies to Squire’s shoulder. He pets the bird.

SQUIRE

Happy coincidence. Just helping the owner.

NANCY

Joshua didn’t tell me about you. How do you know him?

He looks at his watch.

SQUIRE

Got other things on for today. Time to clean and feed.

NANCY

I don’t want your help.

He smiles. Puts the Macaw on his perch.

SQUIRE

Wouldn’t want you to dry out those soft hands. I can handle this.

NANCY

I’m not leaving. You can’t expect me to believe you’ll do a good job?

SQUIRE

I work alone.

NANCY

I’m sure the beautiful Lucinda would disagree.

SQUIRE

Not for discussion.

NANCY

Why do you always have to have everything your way?

He raises his hands in defeat.

SQUIRE

I give up. Dibs on the puppy side. But, you do the snake.

He beelines for the puppy pen.

She watches him, a gleam in her eyes.

NANCY

(under her breath) What a good idea.

Squire feeds, laughs, plays with a dozen puppies.

Nancy rushes to finish her half of the chores. She finishes in record time before he’s half-through. She strolls to the Corn Snake’s aquarium.

Squire cleans the mouse cages a few feet away. He takes a white mouse out of its cage. Plays with it.

SQUIRE

Hey, beautiful. I think you look like a Nancy.

Nancy stiffens. Turns her back on him to cover her movements. She lifts the heavy snake out of his aquarium. Six feet of orange, gold, and black bands slithers toward Squire and the mouse.

Bluebeard’s wings flutter.

BLUEBEARD

Ahoy.

Nancy pours water for Bluebeard. Sings part of a pirate song.

NANCY

YO-HO-HO AND A BOTTLE OF RUM. DRINK AND THE DEVIL HAD DONE THE REST . . .

Snake climbs on Squire’s tennis shoe. He looks down. All the blood drains from his face. He’s so terrified, he can’t move or utter a sound.

Mouse sniffs. Skitters up Squire’s shoulder. Leaps to the top of a nearby cage.

Bluebeard sweeps toward the mouse.

NANCY

No, Bluebeard. Ah – avast ye, avast ye!

She jumps to catch Bluebeard. Misses.

Mouse flees between aquariums.

Snake twists up Squire’s jeans to his arm. Orange eyes stare into Squire’s. He eyes roll back in his head. He falls backward. Hits the latch on the puppy gate. The snake crawls into the pen. Puppies leap out. Chase each other.

Nancy freezes. Looks at Squire, the snake, puppies, Bluebeard.

NANCY

Squire. Wake up. We can’t let anything get hurt.

Bluebeard squawks overhead.

She plunges after the mouse.

Puppies tear around the pet shop. Knock over the stand of toys and cards. They slip, pounce on squeaky toys, poop, chew everything on the floor.

Nancy waves Bluebeard away with one hand. Snatches the mouse with the other. She puts the mouse safely in its cage.

Bluebeard craps on Nancy’s head.

Squire drags himself up on the edge of the puppy pen. Wobbles. The snake wriggles toward him. He screeches. Backs up. Trips on the knocked-over stand. Hits the floor. Puppies leap all over him.

The bell on the door rings.

[Denice Lewis]

QE #3, Lesson 14

Logline: Nancy and Squire, ex-girlfriend/boyfriend have to take care of a pet shop.

Essence: Forced together causes disaster.

SCENE:

INT. WE LOVE PETS – DAY

The rising sun shines through the windows of a small, tidy pet shop.

NANCY (17), pushes through the door. A small bell over the door rings. She relocks the door.

NANCY

Morning!

Birds twitter. Puppies bark. A Blue-Throated Macaw screeches. Nancy pets the bird’s blue neck feathers.

NANCY

Ahoy, Bluebeard.

BLUEBEARD

Ahoy.

SQUIRE (17), knocks on the door. Bluebeard flies toward it.

BLUEBEARD

Ahoy, me hearty.

Nancy looks at Bluebeard in surprise. Carefully opens the door an inch.

Squire slips inside.

The bell rings.

He frowns when he recognizes Nancy. A second later, he leans toward her with a grin.

SQUIRE

Hey, beautiful. Didn’t know you worked here.

NANCY

What do you want?

He pets Bluebeard.

SQUIRE

Just helping the owner out.

NANCY

Joshua didn’t tell me about you. How do you know him?

Squire looks at his watch.

SQUIRE

Time to clean and feed.

NANCY

I don’t want or need your help.

He smiles.

SQUIRE

I wouldn’t want you to dry out those soft hands. Go home.

NANCY

You can’t expect me to believe you’ll do a good job. Why do you always have to have everything your way?

Squire shrugs with a wink.

SQUIRE

I give up. Dibs on the puppy side.

She takes a deep breath.

SQUIRE

But, you’re doing the snake.

NANCY

(under her breath) What a good idea.

Squire beelines for the puppy pen. Feeds, laughs, plays with the dogs.

Nancy strolls to her side. Rushes with her cleaning and feeding. Finishes is record time before he’s half-through.

She turns her back on Squire. Reaches into the aquarium for the Corn Snake. Pulls back. Changes her mind. She puts the snake on the floor.

Bluebeard’s wings flutter.

BLUEBEARD

Ahoy.

Squire cleans the mouse cases a few feet away.

Nancy sings, YO-HO-HO AND A BOTTLE OF RUM.

Squire takes a white mouse out of its cage. Pets it.

SQUIRE

I think you look like a Nance.

Nancy glares at him.

The gold, orange, and black snake slithers across the floor toward Squire and the mouse.

Nancy chuckles.

Snake climbs on Squire’s tennis shoe. He looks down. Freezes in terror.

The mouse skitters up his shoulder. Leaps to the top of a nearby cage.

Bluebeard sweeps toward the mouse.

NANCY

Avast ye!

She jumps to catch the bird, misses.

The mouse flees between aquariums.

Corn Snake climbs up Squire’s jeans to his arm. He faints. Falls backward. Hits the latch on the puppy gate. The snake flies into the puppies. Puppies leap out.

Nancy screams.

NANCY

Help me before anything gets hurt.

She plunges after the mouse. Bluebeard follows her. Squawks.

Puppies tear around the pet shop. Knock over the stand of toys and paper goods. They slip on cards, poop, pounce on squeaky toys, chew everything.

Nancy snatches the mouse and puts it in his cage.

Bluebeard flies around Nancy’s head. Craps on her.

Squire drags himself up on the edge of the puppy pen. Wobbles. The snake’s orange eyes stare at him. He yells. Backs up. Trips on the knocked-over stand. Puppies leap all over him.

The bell on the door rings.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Max Interest

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is that there is always a new way to think about characters, situations, and plot. I realized my traits weren’t as effective as they could be and adjusted them. I love the interest techniques for how they make writing fun and raise the stakes.

Logline: Everett reluctantly follows Ann into his dead wife’s studio.

Essence: He is ineffectual at hiding his plan of revenge.

Scene: At this point in the script, the audience knows that Ann can’t se or hear her dad.

INT. SECOND FLOOR STUDIO – DAY

Ann skitters through the heavy iron door.

The room is like a primeval forest moved onto the walls. Ethereal. Peaceful. Until a large mirror reflects the sun through bars on the only window.

Quaint furniture, bathroom, living room/sleeping area, library/desk, open kitchen blend in.

Ann takes a deep breath to calm her shaking hands.

With care, she turns the paintings that face the wall. Fairies and woodland creatures stare at her, suspended in life. Her name scrawls in the corners. A softness fills her eyes.

ANN

Oh, Dad. You didn’t change a thing.

Everett slumps inside, eyes covered with his hands.

EVERETT

Please, leave the house.

A cloud pushes against the window like it wants inside.

Ann crosses the room through Everett. The air sparkles for an instant. She twists around. Shivers.

Everett moans.

EVERETT

I don’t deserve this.

Ann leafs through a well-worn children’s book, REVENGE OF THE FAIRY KING, by Mellieora Duncan. Ann’s paintings fill the pages in brilliant color. Tears straggle down her face.

ANN

How could I believe your fairy tales, Mom?

EVERETT

Don’t cry, Annie girl.

He pats her arm. It has no effect. He slaps his hands. Bites his fingers. Winces.

Rain materializes over his head. Pours through him. He yells, leaps away. Rain stays with him. He runs around in an angry frenzy.

EVERETT

Stop. Stop.

Rain disappears.

Ann frowns at the water on the floor. Wipes it up. Peers at the dry ceiling.

ANN

Great. I’m not stressed enough that I need a mystery?

She slides opens the window.

ANN

Why the bars, Dad?

She surveys the room. Her eyes stop at the massive chest secured in dusty chains.

ANN

I don’t remember this trunk.

EVERETT

No. Ignore it. Go away. You were raised here, but everything belongs to me.

Everett leaps to the trunk. Trips. Smashes into it. Sparkles in the air. HIs head partially vanishes through the lid. He screams. Pulls it out.

He splays across the trunk.

EVERETT

You can’t see me. You can’t see the trunk. We’re invisible.

Ann rattles the lock. Trembles with cold.

ANN

Where’s the key?

He sits on the lid.

EVERETT

In a place you’ll never find.

Ann ruffles through the desk.

ANN

You know I never give up.

She checks the couch, cupboards, drawers. Withdraws two bobby pins from her bun. Long hair falls to her shoulders.

EVERETT

When did you watch me do that?

Ann bends the bobby pin, Sticks one in the barrel of the lock. The other pushes the inner pins. She twists.

CLICK. Lock falls open.

EVERETT

NO. YOU’RE IN DANGER.

Ann casts off the heavy chains.

Everett wails.

A BLINDING white light explodes from the trunk. Knocks Ann to the floor. She hits her head, blacks out.

Finn, twelve inches, materializes from the light. Grows to full-sized. Fat, unkempt. Fairy wings hang under his ratty bathrobe. He waddles as fast as he can toward the door.

Everett’s eyes bulge. His face, red.

EVERETT

Get back in.

A drop of rain pours on his face. He looks up. Rain floods his face.

EVERETT

Stop.

Rain disappears.

Finn pulls on the door. HIs hands SIZZLE. He yells, scuttles backward. He rushes toward the window. Backpedals from the bars.

EVERETT

Have a little trouble with iron, boy? Told you I’d have my revenge.

Finn whirls. Sneers.

FINN

‘Tis you.

Everett strolls around Finn.

EVERETT

Almost didn’t recognize you.

Finn gawks in the mirror. Flicks his fingers over his face and body. Fat melts away. He transforms into kick-ass handsome. Clothes reveal lean muscle. His wings unfurl.

EVERETT

Like you better fat.

Finn lurches through Everett. Air sparkles an instant. He bangs into a wall. Glares.

FINN

What are you?

EVERETT

Don’t know. Guess I died.

FINN

I’ve never seen a ghost like you.

EVERETT

Don’t feel like one.

Worry pinches Finn’s face.

FINN

How long since you locked me up?

Everett grins.

Five years, give or take.

Finn punches Everett in the face. A twinkle of light. His fist dents the wall.

Everett laughs.

FINN

Mellieora would never agree to my incarceration. What have you done with her?

EVERETT

Ain’t telling.

Finn makes a fist of green light. Throws it at Everett.

Everett yells. Sails through the room. Slams through the window. Clings to the tree.

EVERETT

Blasted fairy. Should have killed you when I had the chance. Why were you having an affair with my wife?

FINN

Stupid old man.

Finn’s foot bumps an unconscious Ann. He leans over with concern.

FINN

Mellieora?

EVERETT

Don’t touch her.

Finn lifts Ann to the sofa.

Everett slides down the tree.

Finn lays her down gently. Brushes long hair from her face. His excitement drains. He slumps to the floor in grief.

FINN

I waited a lifetime. Where are you?

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Challenging Situations

What I learned that is improving my writing is that these techniques make you search for deeper levels of understanding of your characters, plot, and yourself. It’s all about getting to the emotion, growth, and its effects on the characters and the audience.

SCENE 1 INT. UPSTAIRS STUDIO – DAY

A. Current Scene Logline: Everett doesn’t want Ann to find Finn in the trunk.

B. Essence: He doesn’t want her to know what he’s done.

C. Brainstorm Changes:

Values: His love for his wife and daughter could be emphasized for more audience empathy.

Physical: He can be more over-the-top because of his unusual problem–not being human or knowing how to be a ghost.

D. Quick Summary: Everett will react crazier being in his dead wife’s studio in addition to trying to take Ann’s attention away from what he’s hiding in the trunk. He can’t be seen, heard, or do ghostly things. So he’ll try to get her attention by trying to learn how to be a ghost: hanging upside down, running around her, blowing in her face. Every time he does this, Ann is doing something that reminds him of his wife–looking at her mother’s book, a cherished heirloom, a photograph–to affect the audience with his emotional rollercoaster.

SCENE 2 INT. DOWNSTAIRS BEDROOM – NIGHT

A. Current Scene Logline: Ann locks herself in her parents’ bedroom after running away from seeing her father’s ghost and Finn’s wings.

B. Essence: Ann wants to know how her father could have changed so much.

C. Brainstorm Changes:

Needs: He needs to persuade her to leave the house.

Values: He’s not acting like the father she knows who would never kill a man.

D. Quick Summary:

I need to add more emotion and humor to both characters. I didn’t realize how much of a talking-heads scene this is. Ann needs to be afraid of her father and horrified to be able to see ghosts and defends herself with anything she finds in the room. Everett needs to react to her accusations of pushing her away, and the fact that he’s in the bedroom he hasn’t been in for five years with memories at every turn. In every picture of his wife, he sees and hears her talking to him now and urging him to change. This freaks him out and makes him more determined to kill Finn. His reactions could make Ann freak out more, adding the humor I need.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Full-Out Characters

What I learned that is improving my writing: I realized that by changing a couple of traits and one character’s subtext, the situations and emotions can elevate. They can still be humorous, but more over-the-top. I was inspired to do something with the plot and characters of another script, too, and wondered why I didn’t see the obvious long before now. These lessons provide new perspectivees.

CURRENT PROFILES

EVERETT

Description: He escapes his coffin, but doesn’t know why he’s not a normal ghost. He’s still bent on killing the fairy he thinks had an affair with his wife, but doesn’t know Finn is his son.

Traits: Stubborn, angry, confused, loving

Subtext: He’s blinded by anger and desire for revenge.

ANN

Description: Ann is Everett’s daughter, a ghost hunter who doesn’t believe in the supernatural and can’t see her father or Finn’s wings.

Traits: Stressed, determined, skeptical, caring

Subtext: She hides her hurt and needs to learn the truth behind her father’s rejection.

FINN

Description: Finn is a fairy who’s been unjustly trapped in a chest for five years. His mother was Everett’s wife, but he doesn’t know Everett is his father.

Traits: Charming, protective, loner, magical

Subtext: He won’t leave until he finds out what happened to his mother.

REVISED PROFILES

EVERETT

Description: Same as above

Traits: Loving, furious, unreasonable, devious

Subtext: He needs to know why his wife cheated on him, no matter the cost.

ANN

Description: Same as above.

Traits: Stressed, stubborn, skeptical, caring

Subtext: She’s afraid to love after losing her parents and ex-boyfriend.

FINN

Description: Same as above.

Traits: Charming, protective, loner, calculating

Subtext: His revenge will be to make Everett’s daughter fall in love with him.

[Denice Lewis]

Logline: John needs to find the designs Nick has stolen.

Essence: John wants revenge.

INT. SOUTH DAKOTA, WIND CAVE NATIONAL PARK – DAY

Cold wind blows the RANGER’S hat off. He laughs. Picks it up. The VISITORS behind him shiver.

RANGER

Bet you didn’t know this cave breathes. It’s exhaling now due to low pressure. Follow me. Stay on the path. Watch your heads.

Ranger strides forward. Chatters about Lakota Indian history. Points his flashlight at the honeycomb boxwood, lattice crystals, popcorn formations low overhead.

He stops at the top of a 300-foot staircase.

RANGER

Watch the slippery steps, folks.

NICK DONALD (40’s) brings up the rear of the line. He’s buff. wears expensive outdoor clothes.

He sweeps his flashlight over the edge of the handrail.

JOHN TRUE walks in front of Nick. He’s slender, thirty, passes as a teenager in a music icon t-shirt, worn jeans.

He trips.

Nick grabs his t-shirt.

NICK

Watch it, kid.

He helps John up.

John’s flashlight rolls over the side edge of the step.

NICK

You okay? Where is your family?

JOHN

Like being by myself. Where’s yours?

NICK

Here for business.

JOHN

Dumb place for business.

NICK

Happens sometimes.

John shakes.

Nick removes his coat.

NICK

Take my coat before you freeze.

JOHN

Don’t think so.

NICK

Don’t give me any guff. It’s forty degrees in here.

JOHN

People aren’t nice to strangers for no reason.

NICK

Fuck, you, moron.

He pulls his coat back on.

RANGER

Come on, guys. Stay with the group.

NICK

When I’m ready.

John peers over at his flashlight. It rests on the cement footing. He shoves his head under the handrail.

Nick grabs John’s shoulder. Yanks him back.

NICK

You could hurt yourself.

JOHN

It’s my mom’s flashlight.

He looks down.

JOHN

It’s not that far.

NICK

Let the Ranger take care of it after the tour.

He puts his arm around John’s shoulder.

NICK

You’re gutsy for a kid. Tell me why you’re here.

JOHN

Need a merit badge for Eagle Scouts.

Nick laughs.

NICK

In what? How to freeze your butt?

JOHN

Environmental science. Fracking specifically.

Nick pulls away. His eyes narrow.

NICK

What’s a kid know about drilling for natural gas?

JOHN

I’m betting a lot more than you.

Nick clenches, unclenches his fists.

NICK

Safer to research online.

JOHN

Yeah. But not as exciting or profitable as espionage.

Nick glares.

NICK

Nice cover. Had me fooled.

JOHN

Got a youthful face from my mom. Hand over the designs for the new fracking drill.

Nick looks over the rail’s edge.

NICK

Get them yourself. There’s a foil package near your flashlight. Between the rail hooks and the cement footing.

John clenches his jaw. Climbs over the rail. His fingers find tiny indentations in the slab supporting the stairs. His boot reaches for the footing. Slips. He hangs a second. Grabs the rail. Breathes hard. He snatches his flashlight. Finds the packet.

He slowly climbs up. His hands grasp the step.

Nick steps on one hand.

NICK

Hand me the packet.

John tosses the packet on the step.

Nick steps on both hands.

JOHN

There’s nowhere you can go that I won’t find you.

NICK

What incentive could possibly be stronger than your life?

JOHN

Fracking caused my mom’s death. My whole family has various illness. I will make you all pay.

[Denice Lewis]

Ready for critique:

EXT. HOLLYWOOD FOREVER CEMETERY – NIGHT

The Day of the Dead. Lights form auras around altars amid crowd noise, music, food vendors, dancers, arts and crafts.

TRENT KANE (40’s), brushes a leaf off his immaculate designer suit. He raises a glass of champagne with several well-dressed men and women who surround him.

TRENT

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you. Your investment will pay unbelievable dividends for funding this event.

Not far away, a bevy of young women laugh at outgoing ROBERT GRAVES (50’s). He smiles at each one. They hang on his every word. He points to Trent.

ROBERT

Stay away from that conniving creep. He only pretends to have money.

A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN hands Trent a check. His hand lingers on hers a little too long. Their eyes meet. Her face flushes. She pulls away in anger.

TRENT

You’ll have to excuse me now. I have another appointment.

Robert whispers to a nubile woman next to him, NIKKI (20’s).

ROBERT

Here’s a hundred bucks. Please take that thief to the mausoleum on the lake.

NIKKI

I’m not a prostitute.

ROBERT

You won’t have to be. I hid a rowboat under a tree near the lake. Strand him.

NIKKI

Shouldn’t you tell his investors?

ROBERT

He won’t cash the check when I confront him.

NIKKI

What’s he ever do to you?

ROBERT

Sorry, my business.

Nikki tucks the money in her abundant cleavage. She hurries after Trent. He stops and smiles. Takes her arm.

EXT. LAKE – NIGHT

The muted celebration lingers in the background. The full moon shines. An owl hoots.

Trent and Nikki climb into the boat. She waits for him to grab the oars.

TRENT

Do you mind? This suit is expensive.

Nikki clenches the oars. Rows. Trent ogles her.

TRENT

Did you plan to sleep with the richest man here tonight?

She smiles through her teeth.

NIKKI

Only the most virile.

He preens.

TRENT

Treat me nice and earn a thousand. Maybe.

Rowboat touches the bank.

NIKKI

Let me hide the boat.

Trent climbs onto the island’s grass. Flicks imaginary dust.

Nikki rows away as if her life depends on it.

TRENT

Get back here.

Scattered clouds float across the moon casting the mausoleum in shadow. Trent shivers. Yells.

TRENT

Don’t think I won’t track you down.

Robert sneak out from the darkness of the arched entrance.

Trent jumps.

TRENT

You startled me. That bitch leave you here, too?

Robert smiles.

ROBERT

I made it on my own.

TRENT

Gimme a lift. I gotta get home.

ROBERT

I wouldn’t call your shack on the beach a home.

Trent glares.

TRENT

You a hired dick?

ROBERT

I’m nothing. But I know you get what you want by stealing money.

TRENT

Who told you about me?

ROBERT

My sources come from a lower level than your rich friends.

Trent stomps toward Robert.

TRENT

Who are you?

ROBERT

I wasn’t sure my plan to get you here would work. I admit I’m impressed. Despite your fear, you came to a celebration that honors the dead.

Trent straightens his tie.

TRENT

You’re responsible for my deal?

ROBERT

I would love to create trouble with a word or two in the right ears.

Trent takes a deep breath.

TRENT

How much do you want?

Robert laughs unpleasantly. Walks away.

ROBERT

Bereavement doesn’t have a price.

Trent strides after him.

TRENT

What are you talking about? I don’t even know you.

Robert’s eyes darken.

ROBERT

My wife killed herself after you stole her inheritance.

TRENT

I’m not responsible for some dame’s suicide.

Robert stiffens.

ROBERT

Conspiring bastard. Because of you, my wife and I can’t be together.

He walks into the blackness of the mausoleum doorway.

Trent pulls a knife and follows him.

INT. MAUSOLEUM ENTRANCE – NIGHT

A small bulb lights the dark. Robert stands in shadow.

Trent waves his knife.

TRENT

Show me the way out, dumbass.

ROBERT

Assumptions get you killed.

Robert’s skin starts to melt from his body.

Trent freezes in horror.

Robert snatches the knife. HIs skeleton grins. Stabs Trent in the heart. He dissolves.

[Denice Lewis]

QE, Cycle 1, Lesson 5

EXT HOLLYWOOD FOREVER CEMETERY – NIGHT

Hundreds of lights decorate the altars for the celebration of the Day of the Dead. Flowers, music, dancers, arts and crafts, food vendors abound.

Several dignitaries surround TRENT KANE (50’s). He’s immaculate in a designer suit. He accepts a certificate and the key to the city.

Trent laughs at his joke. The woman next to him slaps his face and flees in embarrassment.

ROBERT GRAVES (60’s) whispers to a nubile woman next to him, NIKKI (20’s).

ROBERT

Here’s a hundred bucks to get that jackass to the William Andrews Clark Jr. Mausoleum.

NIKKI

It’s surrounded by water.

ROBERT

I have a rowboat hidden under a tree. He gets off first. You take off.

NIKKI

What’d he ever do to you?

ROBERT

My business.

Nikki wiggles over to Trent. He smiles. Takes her arm.

EXT. LAKE – NIGHT

Nikki rows the boat. Trent ogles her cleavage.

TRENT

Did you know you picked the richest man here tonight? Are you worth five hundred dollars?

NIKKI

I’d like the money first.

TRENT

I’m no fool.

NIKKI

Get out so I can hide the boat.

Trent climbs onto the island’s grass.

Nikki rows away.

TRENT

Hey. Get back here or you’ll be sorry.

He looks at the mausoleum and shivers.

Robert saunters out from the darkness of the arched entrance.

Trent jumps.

TRENT

You startled me. That freaky woman strand you, too?

Robert smiles.

ROBERT

I have my own way.

TRENT

Can I get a lift? I gotta get home.

ROBERT

I wouldn’t call your shack on the beach a home.

Trent glares.

TRENT

Who are you? A private dick?

ROBERT

I’m nothing. Unlike your rich friends.

TRENT

Business associates.

ROBERT

Out of your league, my friend. Or don’t they know you’re pretending to be rich?

Trent stomps toward Robert.

TRENT

I’m done listening to your insults.

Robert laughs.

ROBERT

I never thought you’d show up to receive honors at a celebration honoring the dead.

TRENT

Had to. Got a big deal next month.

ROBERT

Despite your fear of ghosts. I’m impressed.

Trent straightens his tie.

TRENT

Look, I don’t know what you think you know about me —

ROBERT

It would amuse me to create trouble with a word or two in the right ears.

TRENT

How much money to keep quiet?

ROBERT

You’ll never have enough for the grief you caused me.

TRENT

I don’t know you.

Robert grins.

ROBERT

I don’t suppose you do. You swindled my wife out of her inheritance. She killed herself. Now we can’t be together.

Robert slides closer to Trent.

TRENT

Stay away from me.

He runs to the edge of the lake.

Robert shouts after him.

ROBERT.

I can get off the island.

TRENT

I don’t believe you.

ROBERT

Spend the night with the dead.

Robert disappears into the darkness of the mausoleum doorway.

Trent pulls a knife and follows him.

INT. MAUSOLEUM ENTRANCE – NIGHT

Total black.

TRENT (V. O.)

Where’s the boat?

ROBERT (V.O.)

You were right about that.

Robert shines a flashlight on his own face. His skin starts peeling off his body.

Trent freezes in horror. Drops the knife.

Robert’s skeleton snatches the knife. He stabs Trent through the heart. Trent screams.

The flashlight goes out.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Maximum Interest Part 1

What I learned that’s improving my writing. Getting to the essence made my dialogue more specific which helped with the interest techniques. I cut dialogue making the scene shorter and made the female character more extreme emotionally.

GHOST TROUBLE, a contained comedy

Logline: Ann wants Finn out of her house. She can’t see her father.

Essence: Finn finds out Mellieroa is dead.

Interest Techniques: suspense, major twist, surprise, mislead/reveal, superior position

INT. UPSTAIRS – DAY

Ann stomps into the room.

Everett pulls at his taped mouth with frenzy.

EVERETT

(mumbles)

Shoot him, shoot him, shoot him.

The rifle shakes in Ann’s hand. Anger shoots from her eyes.

ANN

I’ve had enough of your pranks. Get out of this house.

Finn moves toward her. Points a finger at the rifle. She doesn’t see a flicker of black light enter the barrel of the rifle.

FINN

You should be careful with that. Looks old. Are you sure it’s not defective?

ANN

Don’t. Move. Another. Step.

She cocks the rifle. The bullet and casing eject. Hit the floor. Her mouth drops. Her eyes drip daggers.

ANN

STOP CREATING ILLUSIONS.

Finn picks up the bullet. Puts it in her hand with a wink.

FINN

I’m always starving when I’m stressed. You must be very hungry.

He walks to the refrigerator. Throws a white light inside. Food appears on the shelves.

ANN

STOP MOVING.

Furious, Everett rips of the tape on his mouth.

EVERETT

SHOOT HIM.

Finn blasts a green light at Everett.

Everett smashes through the window. Falls out of sight. Floats back up on a cloud. He struggles to push through the bars.

FINN

Do you like chicken parmesan?

Ann cocks the gun. Three times. Bullets bounce off the floor. She screams.

FINN

How about Thai beef and cashews?

ANN

YOU’RE NUTS. GET OUT. I SWEAR I’LL SHOOT YOU.

FINN

I think the chicken will be more soothing.

He puts the dish in the microwave.

Ann grabs the bullets. Reloads the rifle.

EVERETT

Shoot him. He’s a cheat and a liar.

Finn points to Everett.

FINN

Don’t listen to that madman.

Ann stares at the barred window. Then Finn.

ANN

You’re the only madman I see.

Finn’s eyes narrow. He unfurls his wings. Ann doesn’t see them.

FINN

How interesting.

He bows.

FINN

I’m sorry. I’ve been rude in not introducing myself. Finn O’Donovan at your service.

ANN

Don’t need any service you provide.

Microwave dings. Finn removes food. Dishes it on two plates. Sits at the table.

FINN

Please join me.

She eyes the food. Straightens her back.

ANN

I don’t eat with strangers.

Everett crams his head between the window bars.

EVERETT

You tell him, Annie.

FINN

I’m a guest. Why would this food be here if I wasn’t?

ANN

You could have brought it.

FINN

Don’t hosts provide the food?

ANN

Not if they’re dead.

Grief and devastation shudder through Finn.

FINN

Mellieora is dead?

ANN

You knew her?

Finn glares at Everett.

Not nearly long enough.

Everett slams his arms through the window bars.

FINN

Stay where you are or you’ll be sorry.

Ann gazes at the empty window. Runs to the wall phone.

ANN

Last chance or I’m calling the police.

FINN

Not without answers.

She punches keys. Phone is dead. She tears it off the wall.

Finn stomps toward Everett.

FINN

What happened to Mellieora?

Ann lifts the butt of the rifle. Runs toward Finn.

EVERETT

Clobber him, Annie.

Finn pivots. Freezes Ann with blue light.

EVERETT

Blackguard. Release her.

FINN

I hope you have as much fun as you gave me.

Finn throws green light at Everett. It sucks Everett through the window bars. Throws him into the trunk. Lid slams shut.

Finn gazes at Ann. the trunk, the door. Collapses on the sofa, head in hands.

FINN

We had so little time, Mellieora.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice Profiled People

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing: People don’t always show their true natures. You see the faces they show the world and not their cores. We also tend to look at the positives in a person instead of delving deeper and paying attention to what they are showing us by their actions and the way they make us feel. I learn a lot from watching people, but I don’t really have any extreme people in my life.

Person 1, Male, almost 20 when we met him

Charming, talented, controlling, saboteur

Results of Testing: This is the only extreme person I know is a peripheral way, but he doesn’t live here. He convinced my granddaughter her parents were abusing her and she ran away with him. We have no contact. When he was a guest in our home, he was charming, humorous – a talented musician, actor, singer. Unfortunately, because he wasn’t an adult, we attributed his selfishness to his age. Wrong. He wanted our granddaughter and because she was so enamored of his religious experience, etc. he set out to get her away from her parents and sister and succeeded in brainwashing her into being another person.

Person 2, Adult male

Persuasive, friendly, liar, saboteur

Results of Testing: I cannot test this subject as he’s dead and he was extreme to my husband and not me. I only experienced the repercussions. He was the father of a wrestler. My husband was the coach. This man convinced people that he knew more about wrestling and proceeded to try to get my husband fired by the school board after he had successfully coached in the district for fourteen years. The man failed and several years later several people apologized for believing the man.

Person 3, Adult female

Extremely talented, humorous, caustic, secretive

Results of Testing: She doesn’t live here. While she’s a good friend and former writing partner, she’s mercurial and gives her opinion sometimes without thought. I directed a play that she wrote and produced. She designed and made the whole set, all the costumes, programs, etc. When the egotistic actors wanted to get rid of me, she didn’t tell me until the s… hit the fam. It all sorted out and I finished directing, but I wish she had told me the problem long before she did.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice Puts Essence to Work

What I learned is that it’s quite interesting to return to a scene to search for the essence, especially when several things are going on at the same time for each character.

Script I choose: GHOST TROUBLE

Scene 1 Location: EXT. DIRT ROAD – DAY

Logline: Everett runs down the road and hears Ann’s car behind him.

Essence I’ve discovered: He doesn’t know he’s a ghost.

New Logline: Car barrels through Everett, but he can’t accept he’s dead and thinks he’s dreaming.

Scene 2 Location: EXT. EVERETT’S FARMHOUSE – DAY

Logline: Everett can’t get into his house.

Essence I’ve discovered: He’s not a normal ghost.

New Logline: Everett can’t function as human or a ghost.

Scene 3 Location: EXT. ETHEREAL DARK FOREST – NIGHT

Logline: Ann meets her dead Mom, Mellieora, in a dream.

Essence I’ve discovered: Ann doesn’t want to be alone.

New Logline: Ann doesn’t understand how she can help her dad when he’s dead.

Scene 4 Location: INT. UPSTAIRS – DAY

Logline: Ann uses a rifle to scare Finn into leaving.

Essence I’ve discovered: Finn discovers the only one who can help him escape is dead.

New logline: Finn realizes Ann can’t see his wings and thinks he’s human.

Scene 5 Location: EXT. TRUNK – DAY

Logline: Everett wants out of the trunk.

Essence I’ve discovered: Everett wants to protect Ann from Finn since he responsible for his wife’s death.

New Logline: Everett’s anger helps him escape and trunk to face Finn.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice Finds the Essence

What I learned from this assignment is how important it is to know the information and emotional response you want before writing the scene.

Script I choose: LETHAL WEAPON

Scene 1 Location: CITY OF ANGELS – NIGHT

Logline: A whacked-out teen on drugs jumps ten floors to her death.

Essence: Waste and sadness of the fate of a beautiful girl sets the reason for the story.

Scene 2 Location: EXT. BUILDING – DAY – the end of the scene

Logline: Riggs leaps off a building handcuffed to a man wanting to commit suicide. Furious, Murtaugh confronts Riggs.

Essence: Murgaugh learns that his partner has a death wish when Riggs starts to pull the trigger on the gun under his chin and Murtaugh stops him.

Scene 3 Location: MURTAUGH’S DRIVEWAY – BOAT – NIGHT

Logline; Murtaugh shows Riggs his boat while they discuss the girl’s death.

Essence: Growing trust between the two detectives reveals Riggs’s acute awareness of his surroundings and that he’s registered as a lethal weapon because he’s good at killing.

Scene 4 Location: INT. DINGY BACK ROOM – NIGHT

Logline: Riggs fakes his death by electrocution, kills his torturer, and bursts in to save Murtaugh and his daughter.

Essence: To see what kind of killer Riggs really is when he takes out a room full of mercs.

Scene 5 Location: INT./EXT. MURAUGH’S HOME – NIGHT

Logline: Riggs and Joshua, two killing machines, face off in hand-to-hand combat to prove who’s the best.

Essence: Riggs is unbeatable, no matter his pain.

My selection for most profound essence:

It’s the fifth scene that shows us the true nature of Riggs as a lethal weapon – the measure of this man’s confidence in himself to take whatever punishment necessary to be unstoppable and unbeatable.

Until I can get an answer to why I can’t paste my assignments here, I’m not going to copy the long fight scene word-by-word. I’m sorry.

[Denice Lewis]

And continuing for Denice who agrees to the following confidentiality agreement.

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice Hughes Lewis

I agree to the terms of this release form.

[Denice Lewis]

My name is Denice Hughes Lewis. I’ve written over a dozen scripts. I’m also an author of five books for children and teens, and seventeen breed-specific journals for your dog and cat to write from a pet’s point of view. I hope to elevate my writing. I’m good at turning the other cheek, even though I often get hit twice.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Fast Formatting

What I learned doing this assignment is how important it is to make every word, action, and sound in a fight or chase scene more exciting to the reader by the way it’s formatted.

EXT. KRAKOW, POLAND, WIELCIZKA SALT MINE – NIGHT

A hundred-foot staircase angles up in jagged tiers, hooked into gray salt monoliths. A pool of green-blue water rests below.

Manchineel’s long skirt hampers her climb up the stairs.

Triple races after her.

TRIPLE

Mom. Wait. It’s me.

Manchineel turns, glares at Triple. Throws her wig to the water below.

MANCHINEEL

You are special baby, yes?

TRIPLE

You’re impersonating Mom?

Triple spots the ring on Manchineel’s finger.

TRIPLE

That’s her wedding ring.

THUD.

Triple throws a punch into Manchineel’s iron hand.

Manchineel laughs.

Slaps Triple.

THUMP. THUMP. THUMP…

…pushes her down the steps.

MANCHINEEL

Little girl be good someday. Too bad I kill.

She rips off her skirt. Leaps on Triple.

THUD. THUD. THUD.

They roll down stairs…

…fists smashing into soft tissue.

Triple kicks Manchineel away with two feet.

CLANG.

Manchineel hits the metal railing. Smiles.

Triple’s eyes and hands lift salt dust…

…directing…

…condensing…

…flinging it at Manchineel.

Manchineel screeches like a wild animal. Wipes her eyes.

BAM. BAM. BAM.

Three lightning fast kicks to Triple’s body.

Triple rolls. Jumps up. Never stops moving in Capoeira fighting/dance moves

Up – down – up stairs.

THUMP…

…kick to Mancineel’s stomach…

THUD…

…kick to her legs…

SMACK…

…fist to the neck.

CLANG

Side body twist/kick in mid-air sends Manchineel over the rails.

SPLASH – fifty feet down.

INT. POOL – CONTINUOUS

Manchineel flails.

MANCHINEEL

Help…

…disappears underwater.

Triple dives over the edge. Drags Manchineel out.

Manchineel coughs. Pulls to her knees.

THUD…

…body-smashes into Triple. Pins her down. She grabs her poisoned earring. Daggers it toward Triple’s face.

Triple holds Manchineel’s wrist…

…punches her ribs with her other hand.

Poison earring moves inch-by-inch toward her face…

…Triple concentrates – holds it with her mind and hand.

Eyes wild, Manchineel bores down with both hands…

…oblivious to Triple’s pounding.

Triple’s cheetah bracelet shines in the light. She shoves it into Manchineel’s face…

…jabs the diamond on the collar.

The robotic cat opens its mouth.

CRUNCH…

…it bites Manchineel.

SHRIEK.

Earring drops to the ground.

Manchineel grabs her bleeding face. Tears up the stairs.

Triple closes her eyes, gasping.

[Denice Lewis]

Ira’s Feedback

You did a great job with the comedy plot of the incongruent pairing of Ira and the dog—a drunk and a poodle. I love the Halloween setting, the witch and song reference and “parental unit”. Ira’s wildly inappropriate responses to Officer Joyce and Claire are hilarious as is his sidetracked mission to find a phone. Didn’t expect Officer Joyce to want to write up a dog. Very funny. You have a super embarrassing situation with his Dad rescuing Ira. You could make more out of it. Ending with the comedic tragedy of his dad selling the car is a fitting end. You used the comedy situations and figures of speech, physical and prop humor well. Denice

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Great Action Set Piece

What I learned doing this assignment is to take my time in evaluating and elevating each step. They all lead to better scenes that I hadn’t thought of before.

Outline:

1. Manchineel and associate kill bodyguard, kidnap Triple’s mom during a recess

in her concert underground at the Wielcizka Salt Mine. M impersonates her

mom and leaves.

2. Triple arrives, mistakes Manchineel for her mother, gives chase.

3. Manchineel insults Triple.

4. Triple spots Mom’s wedding ring on M, attacks.

5. Fight and chase scenes take place in underground caverns, stairs

6. Manchineel teases her, slaps her, easily uses karate to overcome Triple’s

inexperience with an assassin

7. Triple uses telekinesis and Capoeira, a Brazilian martial art. Lands a kick on

stairs that sends M into a briny lake. M can’t swim. Triple saves her life.

8. M flees into elevator, Triple on her heels. They fight.

9. Mancineel beats on Triple. Blinds her with a scarf. Tries to poison Triple

with her earring.

10. Triple remembers the robotic cheetah on her wrist. Shoves it in M’s face.

11. Her beautiful face bleeding, Manchineel drops the earring, flees out the

elevator, the building, into a waiting car.

12. Triple, wounded, tries, fails to catch her.

[Denice Lewis]

I’d be happy to critique anyone’s favorite comedy.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Favorite Comedy

EXT. SMALL CALIFORNIA BOAT DOCK – DAY

JAKE LUCK, saunters along a near-empty boardwalk as if he belongs. Handsome, scruffy, in that bad-boy kind of way.

He stops at a cabin cruiser with the name “WILD ANIMAL.” Looks around. Lifts a foot to step aboard.

The boat moves. Jake’s foot plunges toward the water. Terrified, he throws himself onboard. Hits the deck with a thud.

JAKE

Shit. That was close.

He winces, hobbles toward the cabin door. Locked. Moves to the side of the boat. Looks around. Puts both feet through a half-open window. Wiggles to push through.

INT. BOAT BATHROOM – DAY – CONTINUOUS

One shoe steps on flush button of the toilet. The other in the toilet. Water floods the bowl.

Jake yells. Leaps to the floor. Rips off his wet shoe and sock. Dries the foot with a luxurious towel. Throws it around his neck.

He removes the other sock, shoe. Hurries up stairs to the cabin.

INT. CABIN – DAY

Everything is pink.

Jake searches the drawers. Pockets the coins he finds. Scarfs a candy bar. Discovers a set of keys.

EXT. BOAT DOCK – DAY

DAISY DOLLOP sees Jake through the cabin door window. Model perfect in a skimpy dress.

She climbs aboard with her black Newfoundland, BEAR, 176 pounds of massive fur-covered dog.

DAISY

Hello? Can you assist me?

INT. CABIN – DAY

Jake assesses Daisy. Opens the cabin door with a flourish.

JAKE

How can I help you?

She offers her hand. Bear’s tail wags, eyes friendly.

DAISY

I’m Daisy, this is Bear.

JAKE

Jake. I don’t allow animals –

DAISY

Please. He’s very well trained. Bear, sit.

Bear obeys. Slobbers on Jake’s foot.

He yanks off the towel around his neck. Wipes the slobber. Throws it on the deck.

Daisy gasps.

DAISY

That’s a three-hundred-dollar towel.

JAKE

With dog slobber. What do you want?

She points toward the ocean.

DAISY

If I’m not on that yacht before it leaves, I’ll miss the biggest modeling break of my career. It will only take a few minutes. I’ll pay you fifty dollars.

He holds out his hand. She gives him the money.

Daisy struts into the cabin.

INT. CABIN – DAY

She grins. Sits in the Captain’s chair.

DAISY

Nice boat. Especially the color.

JAKE

Er, pink cuts down on the water’s reflection.

DAISY

Can I start it?

JAKE

Know anything about boats?

DAISY

Driven my daddy’s.

He takes a breath of relief.

JAKE

When I undo the rope, take her out. Slow and easy.

BOAT DECK

Jake walks to the rope, unties it.

The rope automatically retracts into its hole. A song blares. Something like, “PHYSICAL”.

He can’t find an ‘off’ button.

CABIN

Daisy laughs. Pushes the throttle. The boat glides forward.

DECK

Waves splash against the boat. Jake grabs his stomach. Wobbles to the edge. Boat clears dock. Jake upchucks into the beautiful wake.

CABIN

Bear’s head lolls in Daisy’s lap. Hits her arm. Throttle moves to high.

DECK

Jake flips out of the boat. Screams.

Daisy turns the boat around.

Jake flails in the water.

JAKE

Man overboard. Help.

Jake disappears underwater.

Bear jumps out of the boat. Dives underwater. Pulls a sputtering, coughing Jake to the surface.

Daisy pulls the boat alongside. Stops. Throws a life preserver to Jake. Helps him into the boat.

He shakes. Wipes his face with the towel. Skin turns pink.

DAISY

Wow, you match the cabin. Maybe you should have used a clean towel. Help me with Bear.

They get the dog onboard. He shakes water on Jake.

Daisy hugs Bear.

DAISY

You are such a brave boy.

Jake glares at the dog. He’d be lucky for a hug from that body.

He pulls the change out of a jean pocket. Throws it in the sea.

JAKE

(under his breath)

I wish to find dry clothes.

He rips off his shirt.

DAISY

Are you okay? I’ve never seen skin that color.

He disappears into the cabin and downstairs.

DAISY

Um, guess I’ll restart the boat.

INT. BEDROOM – DAY

A naked Jake uses the bedspread as a towel. He scratches as if he’ll never stop itching.

He paws through drawers. Sex toys and sheer panties lay neatly folded. He sighs.

Jake closes his eyes in despair when he opens the closet door.

INT. CABIN – DAY

Jake climbs into the cabin – a hairy model for bad taste in cat slippers, short robe, a furry, shocking pink bikini.

Daisy bursts out laughing.

JAKE

My, aunt owns the boat.

DAISY

Of course she does.

Bear wags his tail. Rubs his wet fur against Jake. Jake jumps away. Itches.

Clouds blow over the cruiser. Wind churns the water. Rain splats the deck.

Jake slams the cabin doors shut.

JAKE

Take the boat back.

She eyes the yacht. Shoves money into his hands.

DAISY

Please, take two hundred dollars. It’s all I have.

She stuffs the money in his hand.

His robe has no pockets. He shoves the money in his bikini.

A low moaning fills the cabin.

Jake locates the sound coming from a large drawer. He and Daisy look at each other.

DAISY

Your boat, Captain.

JAKE

Thief. I’m a thief.

Daisy’s eyes narrow. She rips the money from his bikini.

DAISY

Not anymore.

Scratches inside the drawer. Jake slides it out slowly.

A huge cat leaps on Jake. He hollers as claws dig in.

Cat spots tail-wagging Bear. Hisses. Springs to the control panel.

Jake lunges for the cat. Misses. Falls on the throttle.

Boat glides toward a NOW-VISIBLE reef.

DAISY

Move, I can’t see.

She shoves Jake to the floor.

Cat disappears into its drawer, down a hole.

Bear barks.

Daisy shrieks. Boat grinds over rock poking out of the water.

Jake slides backward, hits the door. Daisy and Bear land on him.

LATER

EXT. OCEAN – DAY

Yacht disappears around a promontory in the distance.

Daisy swims in the water. Hand holds the life preserver.

Bear pulls the life preserver toward shore. Sex toys are his harness and rope.

Jake’s knees straddle the life preserver. Robe flies in the wind. He holds a wiggling, wet towel in the life preserver’s hole between his legs.

The cat growls, its head poking out a slit in the towel.

DAISY

You ruined my big chance.

JAKE

I get wet, I’m suing.

DAISY

Who, God?

JAKE

I can’t help I’m allergic to water.

DAISY

Maybe being baptized will help.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Action/Props

What I learned doing this assignment is: Breakthrough! A situation can be funny even if it’s not incongruent. (That’s the way my mind thinks and usually what I enjoy as being funny in a movie.) However, incongruence takes comedy to another level and allows for so much more creativity. It’s an evolving mind-process. Long way to go, but hopefully, I’m going to get it with more practice.

Comic situation: Thief pretends to be Captain of a cabin cruiser.

Main area of incongruence: Jake knows nothing about boats and is allergic to water.

New Outline:

Name of boat is: WILD ANIMAL

Jake steals aboard a cabin cruiser. Terrified of water.

He can’t open the cabin door.

He slithers through bathroom window.

Steps on toilet. Loses sock. Starts itching

He opens drawers in cabin, looks for money, pockets change, sees key to start boat

Daisy hails him. Needs him to take her to yacht in ocean. Her dog is a Newfoundland. Very friendly.

“I don’t take animals.”

“He won’t be any trouble.”

She offers him $50 dollars. He reluctantly agrees.

She enters cabin.

Punchlines: “Nice color.”

“Pink cuts down on the water’s reflection.”

He unhooks rope. Sexy music like “LET’S GET PHYSICAL” begins. Can’t turn it off. Stops when rope retracts.

Daisy discovers drawer with sex toys.

Dog accidentally pushes control, boat takes off.

Jake flies off back. Flails. Disappears underwater.

Dog jumps in ocean. Hauls Jake to shore.

Daisy turns boat around. Helps him aboard. Dog shakes water on him.

Punchline: “You own a boat, but can’t swim?”

“I like riding on top.”

Jake dashes for a towel.

Punchlines: “You can’t put ocean water on a Hamam.”

“I could use one of their beers.”

He wipes fast, but itches, can’t get his clothes off

fast enough.

Punchlines: “What are you doing?”

“I’m allergic.”

“To clothes?”

“Water.”

He wants her off the boat.

She offers him $500 dollars.

He agrees.

Jake takes stolen change out of his jeans. Throws it into ocean and makes a wish.

Daisy, in a hurry to catch yacht, drives.

He changes into the only clothes available – animal- print, low-cut blouse and skirt of a woman who is short and heavy.

Punchlines: “My, ah, aunt is a gnome.”

“Who likes sex toys.”

“She’s a collector.”

Storm blows in.

Jake looks in a drawer for shoes. Cat hisses. Leaps out of drawer. Lands on dog’s back.

Choppy waves reveal a reef.

Jake, Daisy, and Cat shriek.

Boat runs aground. Rips off motor.

Can’t call for help.

Punchlines: “I’m not going in the water.”

“You ruined my whole career.”

“I’ll ruin my life.”

“Stay here. See what happens when the tide comes in.”

Cut To:

Dog pulls life preserver to shore with a terrified Jake balancing on his knees, holding an angry cat whose head sticks out a slit in the towel covering it. Daisy swims alongside. “Isn’t the water beautiful, Captain?” or “Shame you can’t be baptized.” Or?

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Topper Outline

What I learned doing this assignment: This was hard for me. Couldn’t do anything in five minutes. The steps and examples helped. I learned that it’s important to have the characters have alternating punchlines to set up the toppers.

FUNNY MOMENTS

1. Jake is afraid of water. Gets one leg drenched.

2. Jake steps on button of the toilet from the window. Bowl fills. He steps in it with dry leg.

3. Jake gets tossed off back of cruiser.

4. Jake gets saved by Daisy’s Newfoundland.

5. Dog shakes water on Jake.

6. Ocean gets choppy, shows reef sticking up. Clouds

roll in.

7. Jake looks for a towel in cabinet. Cat appears, leaps at Jake, pees on him. Mayham

8. They hit reef, lose motor

9. Rain douses Jake

10. Newfoundland hauls life preserver, Jake, Cat, to shore. Daisy swims alongside.

Possible Punchlines and Toppers:

NOOO.

You own a boat, but you’re afraid of water.

I like riding on top.

You don’t know much about your own boat.

How can you fall off your own boat?

You keep a cat in a closet?

You’re not the captain?

God is out to get you.

We’re stranded because you’re a thief?

Maybe you should get baptized.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Comedy Brainstorm Session

What I learned doing this assignment is to let yourself write down any situation, place, or character that pops into your mind. Once the brain is in gear, the right ideas will come for each part of the assignment.

Comedy Situation: Forced Union of Incompatibles

Two people in a small cabin cruiser get grounded on a reef.

Comedy Characters and their loglines:

Daisy is a cop with a dog who pretends to be a model.

Jake is a thief who pretends to be a boat captain.

Possible funny moments:

There’s a feral cat onboard

Jake dislikes dogs

Dog gets loose, knocks Jake overboard

Daisy is allergic to cats

Dog spots cat, knocks the lever to start the boat

Slipping in animal poop

Sunny day turns into a storm

Cell phone drops in ocean during storm

Motor stalls out

Boat gets caught on reef

Neither know how to use ship-to-shore radio

Hunger – neither can cook

Confining space during storm with animals

Ego/male/female problems

Luggage goes overboard

Cat goes overboard

Dog goes overboard

Daisy goes overboard

OUTLINE:

Jake starts to steal the boat.

Daisy and her dog need to be on the yacht out in the ocean

He reluctantly agrees. Starts the boat.

Feral cat appears.

Dog chases cat, Jake goes overboard.

Daisy saves him by throwing life preserver.

Wind blows, sea gets choppy. Boat snags on a reef.

Cell phone swept overboard.

Ship-to-shore damaged.

Confined in the cabin with the animals.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Punchlines

What I learned doing this assignment is how important the various punchlines are in taking me deeper into comedy.

INT. ELSIE’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Will peers over Elsie’s shoulder.

She points to a map lying on the table in front of her.

ELSIE

This is a map of the Denver and Rio Grande Western railway system. I’ll be getting on here in Colorado Springs. You’ll be waiting by the Arkansas River here with the mules.

WILL

Horses are faster.

ELSIE

Mules are better in the mountains.

WILL

Gold is heavy.

ELSIE

I’m blowing up the safes and the gold.

WILL

What?

ELSIE

To distract the Pinkerton men. I want the jewelry from the passengers.

WILL

Too dangerous. They’ll catch you.

ELSIE

They’ll be looking for a man.

WILL

With bags like a cow?

Punchlines:

Absurd Request: I’ll dress up as your dying mother and beg for money for an operation.

Comparison: You’re scary—like a bad dream with wrinkles.

Exaggeration: I’ve never known anyone with the confidence of God.

Insult: Methusela in cowboy boots.

Metaphor: With bags like a cow?

Misinterpretation: Which outlaw do you want to be killed as?

Parody: We’ll be perfect as President Arthur and his wife.

Rename: Gentleman Boss, I salute you.

Reversal: I forgot, you’re the expert, I’m only a real man.

Understatement: You’ll be the Belle Starr of the ball.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Character’s Intro

What I learned doing this assignment is the more incongruent you make the character, the more possibilities for comedy. The techniques make the choices more challenging.

Character Logline: The Old West, 1985. Elsie Righteous is the town’s beloved, spinster seamstress who robs banks.

INT. COLORADO BANK, 1985 – DAY

A few patrons visit with each other.

A rich GENTLEMAN pushes slowly through the door. Grimaces when he stands straight.

He has a handlebar mustache, hat, and large black gloves. Takes slow, measured steps up to the counter.

BANK TELLER is jovial with thick glasses.

BANK TELLER

Good afternoon, Sir. How may I help you?

Gentleman coughs.

GENTLEMAN

(deep voice)

Pardon me. The dust annoys my sinuses. I’d like to open an account.

BANK TELLER

Yes, Sir. Haven’t seen you around town.

GENTLEMAN

Working you to the bone?

Inside the right glove, his hand fumbles.

GENTLEMAN

Heck.

Hand stops moving. The barrel of a derringer slides to the end of the index finger hole.

Bank Teller pushes a card and pencil toward Gentleman.

BANK TELLER

Please sign your name.

Gentleman signs the card with his left hand. Pushes it toward the Bank Teller with his right hand.

Card reads: PUT ALL YOUR MONEY IN A BAG.

Bank Teller reads the card in disbelief.

Gentleman raises his hand to point at Bank Teller’s heart.

GENTLEMAN

You see clearly through those glasses?

Bank Teller nods, eyes frozen on the gun.

GENTLEMAN

Don’t move. Smile.

Bank Teller smiles.

GENTLEMAN

Are you in good health, Sir?

BANK TELLER

Hope to stay that way.

GENTLEMAN

Health can be so fleeting. Be sure you take good care of yourself.

Bank Teller shoves bills, coins in a sack.

GENTLEMAN

Carry it. I’m going to cough. Escort me out the back door. I will shoot you if I have to. Understand?

Bank Teller nods.

GENTLEMAN

Smile.

Bank Teller grins.

Gentleman coughs. Wheezes. Folds over in distress.

Bank Teller rushes to his side.

BANK TELLER

I have a glass of water in the back, Sir. Do come and sit down.

A panicked gaze at the next person in line.

BANK TELLER

I’ll be right with you, Madam.

He takes Gentleman’s arm. They vanish into the back.

EXT. BANK’S BACK DOOR/ALLEY – DAY

Bank Teller hands the sack of money to Gentleman.

GENTLEMAN

Go back inside. Don’t call the sheriff. I know where you and your family live. Understand?

Bank Teller nods, scurries inside.

Gentleman minces down the short alley. Tucks the money down his shirt. Yanks off his gloves, mustache. Shoves them in his hat. Flips it into a bonnet he jams on his head. Wiggles out of the jacket. Pulls a long dress out of his pants. Readjusts the money pouch. Tucks the jacket underneath.

ELSIE RIGHTEOUS (65), stretches her back. Ties her bonnet with slow fingers. Moans. Hunches over, hobbles around a corner.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Funny Situations

What I learned doing this assignment is how these comedic techniques can overlap and make it so much easier to think funny. I so look forward to using these on my scripts.

1985 Old West

Will, young outlaw

Elsie, old spinster

INT. JAIL – DAY

Will lies on a cot in the only jail cell. Hides his head under a pillow.

Jovial VOICES outside mingle with the hammering of wood.

The Sheriff looks up from his desk. Raises his voice.

SHERIFF

Tell me where you hid the gold.

WILL

(muffled)

Can’t when I didn’t steal it.

Elsie moseys into the office. Carries two covered baskets.

ELSIE

Howdy, Sheriff.

Will jumps up.

WILL (CONT’D)

Please get me out. Tell them you stole the gold.

SHERIFF

Now don’t go besmirching the name of this good woman.

Will throws himself on the bed.

SHERIFF

Got it done yet?

ELSIE

Now don’t you hurry me, Sheriff. Be ready soon enough.

He shoves his chair back. Rises.

SHERIFF

Gotta check your baskets.

He peeks in the largest one. Nods. Uncovers the contents of the second basket. Savors the smell of roast, mashed potatoes, gravy, and apple pie.

SHERIFF

You are one lucky son-of-a-bitch. Elsie makes the best pot roast in town.

ELSIE

Don’t want him eating it cold, Sheriff. Lock me in, so’as I can keep him company in his last moments.

SHERIFF

An angel of mercy. That’s what you are.

Sheriff unlocks Will’s cell. Locks Elsie inside.

SHERIFF

Back after lunch. Stay put.

He laughs on his way out.

Elsie sits beside Will. Spreads a cloth, plate of food, pie, fork before him.

He grabs the fork. Waves it in her face.

WILL

I can’t die.

ELSIE

Nobody avoids that.

WILL

Today. I can’t die today.

ELSIE

Forks have lots of uses.

He hurries to the bars. Wiggles the tines in the lock. Fails.

ELSIE

Eat up. You need your strength.

He deflates. Starts to put his fork in the food.

She yanks it from his hand. Wipes it off. Hands it back.

Will tastes his food. Gobbles it down.

WILL

Hope you’re happy. Killing an innocent man.

How’d you steal the gold?

ELSIE

No concern of yours.

WILL

I’m dying for something you did.

She opens the large basket. Pulls out a rope, a mostly finished noose.

Will gags. Turns white. Slumps against the wall in a faint.

She slips the noose around his neck. Measures the length.

He wakes up. Tosses the noose in horror. Stumbles away.

ELSIE

You’re lucky the old noose broke.

WILL

You’re sick.

ELSIE

This has to fit just right.

Will stomps toward her.

WILL

You’re crazy.

She peers up at him, blue eyes gleaming large through her glasses.

ELSIE

Sit down and hold still.

He collapses on the cot.

She measures the noose on his neck. Tightens it.

His eyes bulge.

She loosens it. Ties a special knot inside. Secures the noose to the hanging rope.

Elsie puts her foot on the cot.

Will closes his eyes.

WILL

Better you do it, I guess.

She yanks on the hanging rope.

The rope holds, but doesn’t tighten around Will’s neck.

Elsie smiles.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Funny Situations

What I learned doing this assignment is that these techniques give you so many choices, it’s hard to choose the best ones at first try. Knowing them will make it so much easier and fun. Not at brilliant yet.

1885 OLD WEST

INT. LIVING ROOM CABIN– DAY

An old woman, ELSIE, squints through her glasses. Her foot pushes the treadle on a sewing machine. She moves off-white fabric through the needle.

A rapid knock on the door.

Elsie moseys to the door. Opens it. Squints up.

On the step is WILL STARR (18), outlaw, in a woman’s dress and bonnet. He looks over his shoulder, desperate.

WILL

(in a girlish voice)

Howdy, M’am. I’m a might parched. Reckon I could have a glass of water?

Elsie grabs his arm. Pulls him inside.

ELSIE

Get in here, Lily May, I swear you’ll be late for your own weddin’.

She slams the door.

Will’s eyes go wide. He glances at the room. Moves away from the window.

WILL

Sorry, M’am. Mind if I sit over here in the dark? Feeling a bit dizzy.

ELSIE

Nothing doing.

Elsie hauls him over to her sewing table.

ELSIE (CONT’D)

You youngin’s ain’t got no backbone. Never make it freezin’ or boilin’ stuffed in a covered wagon.

He fidgets. Peers around. Spots a back door down the hall.

Will moves an inch.

ELSIE (CONT’D)

Stand still, if’en you don’t want to get on my bad side. ‘Bout time you came in for measurements. Dress ain’t gonna make itself.

She looks at his boots.

ELSIE (CONT’D)

Take off them dirty boots.

WILL

Can’t run, ah walk, through puddles without boots, M’am.

ELSIE

True enough.

She looks him up and down.

ELSIE (CONT’D)

You grow’d some since last week. Keep growing I’ll have to add a ruffle to the bottom. Now, hold still while I measure your neck.

She grabs a cloth tape measure. Pulls it tight around his throat. Holds it.

Will gasps. Rubs his neck.

She writes down the measurement.

ELSIE (CONT’D)

About right. Twelve inches. Arms up.

Will raises his arms.

She measures his chest. Chuckles.

ELSIE (CONT’D)

Forty-two inches. Your husband is a lucky man.

Will squirms.

WILL

Ah, M’am. I need –

Shouts and hoof beats filter inside.

Will’s eyes shoot to the window.

She whips him around. Pinches his cheeks.

ELSIE

That’s better. Need a little color in them cheeks. Hold yer arms up.

She slides the measuring tape around his waist.

ELSIE (CONT’D)

My, my. Such a tiny one. You been starvin’ yourself?

WILL

Not on purpose, M’am.

Boots thump outside the door.

Will’s eyes panic.

ELSIE

Quit your squirming. You wanted my help and you’re gonna get it.

Knock on the door.

ELSIE (CONT’D)

Stay here and don’t move.

She opens the door to the SHERIFF.

ELSIE (CONT’D)

Sheriff. Up pretty early, Sheriff.

SHERIFF

Searchin’ for an outlaw, Miss Elsie.

ELSIE

You think I’d let an outlaw in my house?

SHERIFF

Ah, no, Miss Elsie.

ELSIE

Then let me get back to my sewing.

SHERIFF

Gotta check every house. He dangerous, tried to break into the bank.

ELSIE

Good luck, t’ you, Sheriff. I know you’ll get your man.

Sheriff tips his hat.

She closes the door.

Will’s shoulders sink.

ELSIE (CONT’D)

Now, where were we?

She adjusts the tape around his hips and the bulge of holster and gun.

He reaches down.

She flings his arm away.

ELSIE (CONT’D)

Good hips for birthin’ babies.

He chokes.

She peers up at him.

ELSIE

How long you gonna stand me messing with you, young man?

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Comedy Plots

What I learned from this assignment is how this process makes it easy to come up with ideas without having to think about the whole plot. I just wanted to keep creating more concepts.

Premise: A spinster meets an outlaw.

1. Fish Out of Water

A spinster is kidnapped by an outlaw of the wild west because she’s seen his face and he doesn’t want to kill her.

2. Incongruent Pairings

A spinster teaches an outlaw how to be a gentleman so he can hide from the gang trying to kill him.

3. Hilarious Purpose

A spinster teams up with an outlaw to rob the banker who stole her land.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Unique Action

What I learned doing this assignment is that by asking these questions, you can come up with some interesting new ideas to consider. To look at the script with this kind of breakdown and examine the questions separately makes the process so much easier.

Improvements I’ve made:

1. We haven’t seen a telekinetic teenager who want to be a spy, but not kill.

2. Triple’s telekinesis is hampered by her emotions.

3. The special water/explosive five-bullet gun will be attracted to silver and the villain’s foot.

4. Her mentor might be working for the villain. Not sure yet.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Funny Scene!

What I learned doing this assignment is that if you set up the characters, situations, and incongruity well, you have a funny scene.

SCENE FROM GALAXY QUEST:

EVERYTHING IS INCONGRUENT BECAUSE JASON THINKS THIS IS A TRYOUT FOR A PART. INSTEAD REAL ALIENS NEED HELP AND THINK HE’S REALLY A COMMANDER. THEY’VE TAKEN HIM TO THEIR SHIP, BUT HE WAS SLEEPING AND MISSED KNOWING WHERE HE IS AND HOW HE GOT THERE. ONE OF THE THINGS THAT MAKES THIS WORK SO WELL IS THAT THE ALIENS ARE IN DISGUISE AND LOOK LIKE HUMANS. ALMOST EVERY ACTION AND LINE OF DIALOGUE IS FUNNY.

22 INT. HALLWAY – THE PROTECTOR II

Laliari escorts Jason down the high tech hallway. Jason looks

around, still holding his can of Coke.

LALIARI

SETUP OF REAL DANGER. INCONGRUENT WITH HIS LAID-BACK ATTITUDE.

Sir, Sarris has moved the deadline. We are approaching his ship

at the Ni-delta now. He wants an answer to his proposal. I

understand you have been briefed.

JASON

Yeah, I got most of it in the car. He’s the bad guy, right?

LALIARI

Yes sir he is a very bad man indeed. He has tortured our

scientists, put us to work in the gallium arsenide mines,

captured our females for his own demented purposes…

JASON

FUNNY, BECAUSE HE HAS NO REACTION TO HER LITANY OF TORTURE.

Okay I’ve got the picture. You have pages or do you want me to

just go for it?

LALIARI

MISUNDERSTANDING OF ‘PAGES’ MAKES IT FUNNY.

I m not sure I…

JASON (cont’d)

Script pages. Never mind, let’s see what old Sarris has to say

for himself.

Mathesar approaches with other CREWMEMBERS.

4/26/99 (PINK)

MATHESAR

Commander… Welcome to the Protector II. Would you like to don

your uniform?

JASON

HE HAS NO CLUE. FLIPPANT ATTITUDE IS FUNNY UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES. Mind If we skip that? I have to get back pretty quick for this

thing in Van Nuys.

MATHESAR

As you wish.

Another ALIEN comes running up out of breath.

EXCITED ALIEN Sir… It’s Sarris. He’s here.

23 INT. COMMAND DECK

INCONGRUENT BECAUSE THE SHIP IS AN EXACT REPLICA OF THE TV SET AND THAT’S WHAT JASON THINKS HE’S ON – A SET.

A door slides OPEN and Jason and the others enter the COMMAND

DECK…. It’s straight out of the TV show. Blinking lights,

consoles, the cool old tech displays… But a bit dark. Jason

looks around, genuinely impressed, still wearing his glasses.

JASON

FUNNY

Not bad. Usually it’s painted cardboard boxes in a garage.

They lead him to the Commander’s chair. He sits.

TEB

Sir, we apologize for operating in low power mode, but we are

experiencing a reflective flux field this close to the galactic

axis.

JASON

HIS WHOLE ATTITUDE IN ALL OF HIS DIALOGUE IS FUNNY BECAUSE HE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT’S REALLY HAPPENING. IT ALSO SHOWS ONE OF HIS MAIN TRAITS, HOW SELFISH HE IS.

No problem. This thing have a cup holder?

EXCITED ALIEN

(hands Jason a clipboard)

The situational analysis, Commander.

JASON

FUNNY, THINKS ALIEN WANTS AN AUTOGRAPH. What’s your name?

EXCITED ALIEN

(perplexed)

…Glath sir.

Jason signs his autograph and hands it back. “There you go.”

NAVIGATOR

We’re approaching in five ticks, sir. Command to slow?

Jason looks toward the front window/view screen. Stars move past

in a familiar display.

JASON

Sure, set the screen saver on two.

EVERYTHING IN THIS SCENE IS FUNNY BECAUSE OF THE MISUNDERSTANDING OF THE ALIENS AND JASON’S ATTITUDE ABOUT THEIR LIFE AND DEATH SITUATION

(the NAVIGATOR looks confused)

Sorry. Sorry. Didn’t mean to break the mood. Slow to Mark 2,

lieutenant.

AGAIN FUNNY BECAUSE THE CORRECT DIRECTIONS THE ALIEN UNDERSTANDS ARE THE SAME AS ON THE TV SHOW.

A SHIP appears on the screen, growing closer. It is a MENACING

craft, sharp and jagged, with a gargoyle shaped figurehead. Then

the VIEWSCREEN fuzzes to life with an image of… SARRIS – He’s

ugly and green hued. Black sharp teeth. A metal hand… He

hisses… There is a beat as the aliens take in the sight, trying

to well their courage.

SARRIS

HE IS TERRIFYING AND JASON HAS NO REACTION. VERY FUNNY.

I see fear. That is expected.

(his voice RESONATES)

Ah, they bring a new Commander… Such a cowardly species. Not

even your own kind… No matter. Here are my demands, and I

would suggest, Commander, that you think well before speaking a

word, because these negotiations are… tender.. and if I do not

like what I hear there will be blood and pain as you cannot

imagine…

Jason takes a sip of coke and checks his watch.

SARRIS

First, I require the Omega 13… Second-

JASON

NO EMOTION MAKES FOR MORE INCONGRUENCY

(blasé, like a laundry list)

Okey dokey, let’s fire blue particle cannons full. Fire red

particle cannons full. Fire gannet magnets left and right. Fire

pulse catapults from all chutes. And throw this thing at him too,

killer.

He hands the GUNNER the empty coke can, then before even waiting

for the weapons to reach their target… …he exits!

HIS SCENE IS DONE. HE’S READY TO GO. BEING CLUELESS MAKES IT FUNNY.

24 HALLWAY

Jason emerges and looks both ways trying to get his bearings.

Several of the aliens chase after him as he enters the

4/26/99 (PINK)

corridor, exchanging stunned dances, trying to absorb the

magnitude of what just happened.

MATHESAR

Commander?… Where are you… going?

JASON

Home.

MATHESAR

You… You mean Earth?

JASON

Yeah. “Earth.” Time to get back to “Earth,” kids.

HIS OBLIVION AND LACK OF ATTENTION IS INCONGRUENT, BUT FITS WITH JASON’S WHOLE ATTITUDE IN THIS SCENE

He turns a corner. Jason is oblivious to the muffled sounds of explosions, traces of the demolition going on outside.

MATHESAR

But Commander… The negotiation… You… You… You fired on

him.

JASON

Right. Long live… What’s your planet?

MATHESAR

Theramin.

JASON

Long live Theramini. Take a left here?

MATHESAR

But what if Sarris survives?

JASON

Oh, I don’t think so. I gave him both barrels.

MATHESAR

He has a very powerful ship. Perhaps you would like to wait to

see the results of-

JASON

INCONGRUENCE: HIS TRY-OUT IS OVER. HE’S GOT OTHER THINGS TO DO THAN SAVE A RACE OF PEOPLE

I would but I am REALLY running late and the 134’s a parking lot

after 2:00. But listen, the guy gives you any more trouble, just

give a call…

Mathesar produces a walkie talkie device for Jason.

MATHESAR

An interstellar vox.

4/26/99 (PINK)

JASON

Thanks.

Mathesar looks him in the eye. A TEAR starts down his cheek. He

HUGS Jason, then shakes his hand sincerely.

MATHESAR

How can we thank you, Commander. You- You have saved our people.

JASON

HAVING NO CLUE MAKES IT FUNNY. ALSO NO EMOTIONAL REACTION TO MATHESAR’S TEARS.

It was a lot of fun. You kids are great.

The others shake his hand, thanking him as they enter the…

25 INTERSTELLAR POD ROOM

A room with a very high circular ceiling. The aliens continue

thanking Jason as they lead him to the center of the room. Jason

realizes he’s left all alone in this strange room with no visible

doors. Jason is suddenly aware that he is standing on a GLOWING

RED DISK.

JASON

PUNCHLINE DIALOGUE

Wait. Where’s the car?

PUNCHLINE ACTION

Suddenly a CLEAR CYLINDER rises from the disk and conforms around

him, ENCASING~ HIM IN A CLEAR BULLET SHAPED CONTAINER. There is

only an instant to register surprise as the ceiling divides and

an AWE INDUCING ROTATING STARFIELD is revealed… The WALLS pull

back around him. And Jason finds himself surrounded by THE

INFINITE VASTNESS OF SPACE. And his face is a MASK OF HORROR In

the split instant as Jason in his pod is ROCKETED FORWARD INTO

SPACE.

26 BLACK – [JASON’S YARD]

HILARIOUS AS HE GETS WHAT HE DESERVES FOR BEING SO UNAWARE.

We pull back slowly from the iris of Jason’s eye. He is now

standing on the red disk in the middle of his own back yard. He

stands there in shock, TEETH CHATTERING, SHIVERING IN WAVES AND

WAVES from the incomprehension of what he’s just experienced,

unable to move from the snot.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice Hughes Lewis agrees to the terms of this release form.

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Denice Lewis]

Hi Fellow Screenwriters!

I’m Denice. I’ve written over a dozen scripts including shorts, features, and television. I love watching action comedies and I want to add comedy to my action script. I like fairies and dragons.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Level 3 Action Emotions

What I learned doing this assignment is that with these techniques in mind the engaging action doesn’t need dialogue to create emotional reactions in the audience.

SETUP: Triple has stolen a multimillion dollar, experimental scooter. She’s being chased through her Dad’s company.

INT. HALLS OF FAST SILVER, INC. – DAY

EXCITEMENT: Triple zooms through the hall on the scooter. Executes a dangerous turn.

RIGHT CORRIDOR

Scooter skids. Rights itself. She disappears around a corner.

Dr. Quan and Guards run behind her.

ANOTHER CORRIDOR

Triple races down a long corridor. Veers around personnel.

ADRENALINE: ANOTHER GUARD runs toward Triple. Points a gun.

Triple’s telekinetic power knocks it out of his hand. He charges forward.

She pushes a green button. Wheels rotate sideways. Scooter roars up the side of the wall over the guard. Twists around a corner.

ANOTHER CORRIDOR

Triple slides down the wall. Wheels reposition.

Main doors out of the building loom in front of her.

DANGER: Dr. Quan is fast, running close behind. She fires a taser at Triple.

Triple zigzags. Taser hits a CLERK with file boxes. Boxes fly. Hit Dr. Quan. She’s down.

DANGER: The outer glass doors close from the bottom up.

DOOR GUARDS hold their ground. Grab their taser guns.

Triple focuses on their belts. Guards run forward. Trip on the pants around their ankles.

DANGER: Glass door rises higher. Two feet of open space left, ten feet above.

ADRENALINE: Triple pushes the red button. Light flows from the bottom of the scooter. She concentrates. They fly into the air. Slide sideways out the opening to freedom.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Level 2 Action Emotions

What I learned doing this assignment is how fun and easy these techniques are once you add them to your script.

EXT. THIRD-STORY BALCONY/COURTYARD – NIGHT

Music filters from the open window.

SUSPENSE: Catherine throws her legs over the stucco wall, dress billowing in the slight wind. She climbs into the shadowy limbs of the huge La Cieba tree.

A dozen Guards patrol the long perimeter of stone walls.

Triple peeks over the stones. Ducks when a Guard passes by.

Catherine’s dress snags in the branches. She pulls gently.

SUSPENSE: El Boud’s shadow descends into the tree from the balcony above her.

Triple rolls over the wall. Crouches in the bushes.

Catherine steps on a wire in the tree.

SURPRISE: Alarm sounds.

Two shadows struggle in the tree.

CATHERINE

Let go.

Triple’s eyes dart toward the tree.

EL BOUD

My pleasure.

El Boud shoves Catherine. She crashes through the branches.

Triple focuses her mind on her mother. Her telekinesis stops Catherine’s fall.

SUSPENSE: A Guard shoves his rifle into Triple’s head.

She loses her concentration.

SHOCK: Catherine slams onto the tiled courtyard.

Triple screams. Downs her guard with one karate chop to the throat. Rushes to her mom. Kneels to touch her cheek.

TRIPLE

I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

Catherine’s eyes flutter open. Pain and fear flit over her face.

CATHERINE

Oh, Darling. You mustn’t be here. Go.

TRIPLE

I won’t leave you.

Guards surround them. Rifles cock.

Catherine moans. Her delicate fingers caress Triple’s face.

CATHERINE

Remember I love you. Forgive your father.

Her eyes close forever.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Level 1 Action Emotions

What I learned doing this assignment is how valuable the set-up can be in establishing an emotional reaction in the audience. It changed the scene from strictly a flashback.

EXT. TELEKINESIS WATER TEST (TKW) LAB – DAY

Triple stops outside the lab wearing a wetsuit. She hesitates to push open the door. Her hand shakes.

INT. TKW TEST LAB – DAY

Control station overlooks different sizes of empty water tanks.

Dr. Harkin yells angrily on the phone.

DR. HARKIN

You’re asking me to . . . I need more money.

Triple pushes inside. Plods toward the largest tank. Inside, four cuffs hook to the inside walls for wrists and ankles.

Dr. Harkin swallows nervously. Whispers.

DR. HARKIN

I’ll do what I can.

He hangs up, grabs a test folder. Looks at his watch.

DR. HARKIN

You’re habitually late, Triple One.

TRIPLE

Please, Dr. Harkin, can’t you call me Triple?

DR. HARKIN

Being late could make the difference between your life

or your death. Do I make myself clear?

She doesn’t answer.

DR. HARKIN

I didn’t hear you, Triple One.

He glares.

Defiance pours from her soul.

TRIPLE

Yes, Sir.

DR. HARKIN

Are you planning to fail again? Eleven years is a bit tedious.

TRIPLE

What have I done to make you hate me?

DR. HARKIN

Get on with it.

Triple trudges up the steps. Descends the ladder inside.

FLASHBACK

Her hands become smaller. Six-year-old Triple climbs down the stairs into the tank, eyes wide, lips quivering.

INTERCUT FLASHBACKS

Teen Triple blinks. Takes a breath. She places each leg

next to the ankle cuffs. They fasten automatically. Does the same for her wrists.

Dr. Harkin pushes a red button on the control panel before him. Water gushes from the bottom of the tank.

TRIPLE

You’ve never used full water power.

He laughs.

DR. HARKIN

Expecting me to let you pass without effort?

He climbs the steps. Drops a key into the tank.

Triple stares at the shining key, tossed by the surging water.

Young Triple watches water rises slowly to her knees. Tears drip down her face. She stares at the key on the floor. It rises to the lock on her right ankle cuff. Unlocks it.

The water races to Triple’s waist. Right ankle cuff hangs open.

Key sinks.

Teen Triple focuses on moving the key to the right wrist cuff.

DR. HARKIN

Both ankles first, Triple One.

TRIPLE

What difference does it make?

She moves the key to the left wrist cuff. Unlocks it.

DR. HARKIN

You FAILED the test.

He hurries down the stairs. Slips intentionally on the last step. Hangs onto the rail. Rolls to the floor. Pretends to hit his head and pass out.

His fall distracts Triple. Key falls to the bottom of the tank.

She blinks.

Water covers Young Triple to her neck. She loses the key floating before her. Screams.

Water splashes into Triple’s mouth. She inhales. Water floods over her head. Eyes wild, she reaches for the key with her foot. Key swirls away. She stares at the key. It reaches her wrist cuff.

Young Triple holds her breath. Panics against restraints.

Her mother slams into the room. Rushes to drain the water. Slugs Dr. Harkin. Removes her hysterical daughter from the tank.

Teen Triple grabs the key with her hand. Unlocks left ankle and wrist cuffs. Streaks to the top. Hangs over the edge. Gasps.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Favorite Twists

What I learned doing this assignment is that I didn’t have enough twists in the first act to engage the audience. These are exciting techniques and it will be a challenge to choose the best.

Five Favorite Twists, So Far:

1. ATTACK: Assassin plays with Triple until Assassin gets mad and tries to kill Triple.

2. UNEXPECTED SUPPORT: Assassin kills the men who are after Triple because she

wants to kill her herself.

3. UNEXPECTED SUPPORT: Agent assigned to bring Triple home joins her.

4. TRAP/TRICK: Triple is tricked into being trapped in water tank

5. ATTACKED: Triple confronts Villain her underestimates her.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Likeability/Empathy/Justification

What I learned doing this assignment is how well is shows what’s happening on an emotional level and where to add the elements you don’t have that you need.

Likability/Lovability

• She’s telekinetic.

• She’s great at martial arts

• She’s liked by her instructors

• She saves an animal.

• She cares for Dad’s assistant in a daughterly way

• She’s competitive.

• Helps Mom pack for concert tour.

Empathy/Distress

• She’s shunned by the workers in her Dad’s conglomerate

• Scientist/Researcher hates her, he’s in charge of water test

• Her dad lies to her

• Fails water tank test

• Mom disappears

• Assassin beats her up

• Hired guys try to kill her, but she doesn’t want to kill them

• Mom dies in her arms

• Villain has vendetta against family

• Dad kidnapped by Villain

• Triple left in water tank to die

• Dad thrown off airplane

• Triple has to jump out of jet to save Dad

Justification

• Her life has been a lie, why?

• Wounded by assassin,

• Attacked by hired killers

• Villain kills Mom

• Villain almost kills Dad

• Villain will destroy company workers

• Crazed Villain needs to be eliminated

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Story Map

What I learned doing this assignment is that this is like writing the beats of the story for the main plot points without the locations. It’s interesting to see how the story changes. Doing this helps to minimize the subplots.

1. Opening:

• Action 1: Triple shoots targets on an indoor rollercoaster that tests her telekinetic

abilities under high gravity forces.

• Villain 1: Villain flies a plane, introduction to his plan

• Action 2: Montage of Triple’s test in martial arts, piloting a plane, languages

• Villain 2: Villain blows up silver mine from jet.

• Action 3: Triple fails water test, flashback while taking it

2. Inciting Incident:

• Mission 1: Triple learns that her father has lied to her about letting her be a spy

causing her to plan her escape to see Mom in Poland.

• Action 4: She impersonates her mom on phone to order private jet.

• Action 5: She steals million-dollar solar scooter from lab and escapes building.

• Action 6: She flies plane to Poland.

• Villain 3: He watches Mom’s piano performance.

• Villain 4: His lover/assassin kills Mom’s guard, kidnaps Mom.

3. First Turning Point at end of Act 1:

• Action 7: Triple sneaks into Mom’s hotel to find her to avoid agent following her

• Action 8: Triple travels to concert in underground salt mine

• Villain 5: Assassin sneaks Mom out of salt mine

• Action 9: Triple learns her mom has disappeared from concert

• Mission 2: Triple needs to find out what happened to her mom

• Villain 6: Assassin steals Mom’s luggage.

• Action 10: Triple catches Assassin in hotel, learns she kidnapped Mom, fights

• Action 11: Triple’s wounded, confronts agent chasing her

• Villain 7: Assassin almost kills Triple, Assassin’s face gets maimed

• Mission 3: Triple has to find Assassin to find Mom.

• Villain 8: Villains sends more killers after Triple.

• Action 12: Triple stops killers without killing them.

4. Mid-Point: Triple learns that the Assassin is impersonating her mom in South America

• Action 13: Triple ditches her mentor, sneaks into South America

• Villain 9: Assassin sets bomb in silver mine

• Action 14: Triple saves mine, gets arrested

• Villain 10: Villain flies with mom to his headquarters in Yucatan

• Villain 11: Assassin flied to villain’s headquarters.

• Action 15: Triple and mentor follow Assassin

• Action 16: Triple is too late to save her mom

5. Second Turning Point at the end of Act 2: Triple is caught by Villain.

• Villain 12: Villain confronts Triple

• Action 17: Triple tries to escape Villain’s jail

• Villain 13: Villain shows Triple’s dad his dead wife, Triple’s mom

• Action 18: Triple escapes jail

• Villain !4: Triple is recaptured

6. Crisis: Triple is put in water tank to die, mentor is put in another

7. Climax: Triple confronts the Villain and kills for the first time.

• Villain 15 : Villain takes Dad, boards private plane

• Action 19: Triple escapes the water tank.

• Action 20: She fights Assassin

• Mission 4: Triple goes after Villain and Dad in another plane.

• Villain 16: Villain kicks Dad out of the plane.

• Action 21: Triple saves Dad.

• Villain 17 : He flies to destroy Dad’s silver conglomerate

• Villain 18: He sets bombs.

• Action 22: Triple chases Villain. Kills him.

8. Resolution: Triple becomes an agent against her father’s wishes

• Action 23 : Triple arrives at family mausoleum, says goodbye to Dad, hired by British

secret service

.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Action Structure

What I learned doing this assignment is that this process simplifies the planning of the story so there’s a jumping off place to keep creating with better ideas.

1. Opening: Triple shoots targets on an indoor rollercoaster that tests her telekinetic abilities

under high gravity forces.

2. Inciting Incident: Triple learns that her father has lied to her about letting her be a spy

causing her to run away to see her mother in Poland.

3. First Turning Point at end of Act 1: Triple learns her mom has been kidnapped from the

Assassin who almost kills her.

4. Mid-Point: Triple learns that the Villain plans to destroy the world’s silver.

5. Second Turning Point at the end of Act 2: Triple is caught by the Villain.

6. Crisis: Triple decides to go after Villain against her father’s orders

7. Climax: Triple confronts the Villain and kills for the first time in an aerial chase scene.

8. Resolution: Triple becomes an agent against her father’s wishes.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Action Track

What I learned doing this assignment is that I have a new list of questions to use to develop the story and new action that I hadn’t considered before.

1. Answer the Action Questions:

A. Considering the concept from Lesson 1, what action could naturally show up in this movie?

Chase/pursuit, evade, escape, fight, dangerous situation, rescue, competition

B. Considering the Mission and Villain Tracks, what action could work for this track?

Interrogation, fight, dangerous situation, chase, pursuit, shootout, competition, torture

C. How can the action start well, build in the 2nd Act, and escalate to a climax in the 3rd act?

I have to show who Triple is and what her capabilities are before she escapes from her dad to see her mom. Finds her mom gone and an Assassin tries to kill her. In Act 2, Triple has to find her kidnapped mom and the only lead is the Assassin and Villain who hires killers to go after her. She ends up in the enemy’s lair where she loses her mother and has to save her dad. Kills Assassin, follows Villain for a face-off.

1.TRIPLE’S TRAINING TESTS– telekinetic, martial arts, languages, flying airplane, water test

Purpose: to show Triple’s competence and how fear interferes with her telekinetic

abilities

2. CHASE/PURSUIT: Triple rides a special all-terrain scooter to escape building that’s locking

down.

Purpose: To show her competence in action not related to testing

3. EVADE: In disguise, Triple speaks to agent hired to bring her home at the airport.

Purpose: To show her boldness

4. ESCAPE: She flies away in her dad’s jet to Poland to see her mom.

Purpose: Competence, fight for independence, and thumbing her nose at her dad

5. FIGHT: She fights with a female Assassin who is taking her mom’s things, maims her face,

but loses.

Purpose: To show her vulnerability/ inexperience and doggedness

6. CHASE/PURSUIT: Villain sends a motorized bicycle gang after Triple.

Female Assassin joins the chase.

Purpose: How will Triple use her skills in simultaneous attacks? Will she kill or wound?

7. DANGEROUS SITUATION: Hides in airplane hold to follow Assassin

Purpose: She could freeze unless she’s smart.

8. RESCUE: Seconds late to save her mom

Purpose: Emotions still interfere with telekinesis.

9. INTERROGATION: Triple meets her brother for the first time.

Purpose: He’s testing her.

9. DANGEROUS SITUATION: Triple is locked in a filling water tank.

Purpose: Has to overcome fear, save dad.

10. FIGHT: Has to fight Assassin she lost to before

Purpose: Will Triple die or kill for the first time?

11. CHASE/PURSUIT: Triple leaps onto Villain’s jet.

Purpose: Can’t let Villain complete his plan to destroy Dad’s employees

12. COMPETITION: Triple fights with Villain for first time in an out-of-control jet.

Purpose: To see how they match up with their abilities

13. DANGEROUS SITUATION: Villain bales out, leaving Triple with dangerous airplane crash

to consider.

Purpose: How will Triple achieve the impossible?

14. CHASE/PURSUIT: Triple chases Villain into building he’s setting a bomb in.

Purpose: Triple has to succeed in stopping him or thousands will die.

15. SHOOTOUT: Triple and Villain fight.

Purpose: Triple has no choice but to kill Villain.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Villain Track

What I learned doing this assignment is that taking these individual steps for the villain helps to see the story and simplify what usually becomes a convoluted plot for me.

Version 2 Plan: TRIPLE ONE

Villain: El Boud

Hero: Triple One

El Boud’s plan was conceived before the movie started—a plan of revenge against his family and the world. A test-tube experiment before Triple was born, he was given away to a poor family as a baby because of his deformed foot. An emotionless, deadly billionaire.

1. PLAN: El Boud destroys silver mines around the world to corner the market. Saves the

killing of his perceived family for last.

2. KIDNAP: He listens to his mom’s concert in Poland. Has his Assassin kidnap her.

3. SURPRISED: Triple shows up at the concert too late to see her mother. He meets Triple for

the first time. She doesn’t know about him.

4. DECISION: He sends his female Assassin to impersonate Mom and check her out of

her hotel. Triple intercepts Assassin, almost gets killed.

5. HIDING OUT: He sends a dozen men/women after Triple when Assassin fails to kill Triple

while he flies Mom to his headquarters in Yucatan.

6. DEMANDS: El Boud demands his father trade his life for his wife’s.

7. DECEPTION: He kills his mother. Will kill his father when he arrives.

8. SURPRISE/PLAN: Triple shows up at his headquarters. She’s left to die in a telekinetic test

she’s never passed. If she fails, her father will die, too. Assassin is left to

make sure.

9. FINAL PLAN: El Boud flies to Colorado to find the truth about his parents and to destroy the

silver conglomerate. Kills his real father who works there.

10. SURPRISE: Triple shows up in Colorado to stop El Boud. He’s set a bomb and has to get out

of the building.

11. FINAL HOSTAGE: El Boud captures Triple’s only friend. Puts him in a 5G rollercoaster and

sets it on high.

12. FITTING ENDING: Triple and El Boud fight on the roof. He has the detonator. She blows him

up with a special gun he thinks is a water gun.

[Denice Lewis]

Action Class, #3

Denice’s Hero Mission Track

What I learned doing this assignment is that even if you think you know your story, you can create new scenarios that are more exciting. It opens more questions than it answers since the heroine is young and this is her first foray into a new life. I also want to make this an action comedy, so wonder about keeping the comic relief character and the mentor her father sends after her.

¥ Motivation: Triple is seventeen, a test-tube baby with telekinetic powers—confined her whole life to the penthouse of her father’s silver conglomerate. She’s been training to be a spy her whole life and is taking her last tests.

¥ Inciting Incident: In a confrontation, Triple learns her father has lied to her. She flees to be with her mother at a concert in Poland.

¥ First Action: Triple steals her father’s jet and flies to Poland.

¥ Obstacle: Her mother disappears from the concert before Triple arrives.

¥ Escalation: Triple fights villain’s Assassin in mother’s hotel room, almost dies. Assassin gets away.

¥ Overwhelming Odds: Villain sends a gang of assassins. First assassin goes after Triple at same time.

¥ New Plan: Triple follows Assassin, her only lead to her mother.

¥ Twist: Assassin steals Triple’s plane. Triple hides in hold.

¥ Apparent Defeat: Plane lands in Yucatan and villain’s stronghold. Triple’s mom tries to escape, dies in her arms. Triple is captured.

¥ Full out Attack: Triple kills Assassin, frees her father, goes after Villain.

¥ Success: Triple stops Villain’s plan in U.S. Kills him.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Hero and Villain

What I learned doing this assignment is that there are always more ideas if you allow your mind to be flexible.

Concept:

¥ Hero Morally Right: To find her kidnapped mother

¥ Villain Morally Wrong: He kidnaps his own mother

Hero

¥ A. Unique Skill Set: Telekinetic, trained in martial arts and defense her whole life

¥ B. Motivation: Save her mother

¥ C. Secret or Wound: Her father lied to her.

Villain

¥ A. Unbeatable: He’s a billionaire.

¥ B. Plan/Goal: To kill his family and control the silver market

¥ C. What they lose if Hero survives: His life.

Impossible Mission

¥ A. Puts Hero in Action: Finding her mother

¥ B. Demands They Go Beyond Their Best: She’s 17, has never fought for her life.

¥ C. Destroy the Villain: Kill the villain

Improved Answers:

Concept:

¥ Hero Morally Right: Save her kidnapped mother and be free from her restricted life.

¥ Villain Morally Wrong: He kidnaps his mother who doesn’t know he’s her son. Wants to rule the world.

Hero

¥ A. Unique Skill Set: Uses her telekinetic abilities with martial arts, especially Capoeira.

¥ B. Motivation: To find her mother, even though she’s never been out in the world.

¥ C. Secret or Wound: She’s a test-tube baby. Her father has lied to her about her training. He’s not going to let her work for MI-8 or anyone.

Villain

¥ A. Unbeatable: He’s a billionaire with killers at his disposal. Also skilled in martial arts with a special silver foot. Was a secret test-tube baby.

¥ B. Plan/Goal: To kill his family and takeover the world by controlling all silver production.

¥ C. What they lose if Hero survives: His life

Impossible Mission

¥ A. Puts Hero in Action: Finding her mother in an unknown world, fighting assassins, thwarting the villain’s plan, saving the world

¥ B. Demands They Go Beyond Their Best: She’s highly skilled, but an inexperienced teenager.

¥ C. Destroy the Villain: Save her father, kill the villain

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Conventions

What I learned doing this assignment is to just do it without overthinking the ideas.

Concept: A telekinetic girl breaks away from her isolation to become a teenaged James Bond.

Conventions:

Hero: Headstrong teenage girl, test-tube experiment, trained in ways to protect herself, isolated from the world.

Demand for action: Her famous pianist mother is kidnapped.

Mission: To break away from Daddy’s overbearance and save her mother.

Antagonist: Her unknown half-brother, a discarded test-tube baby, with a grudge and delusions of ruling the world.

Escalating Action: Finding her mother while being attacked by villain’s killers, capture, escape, defeating villain’s plans of killing family and overtaking the world’s silver industry.

[Denice Lewis]

Hi Fellow Screenwriters!

I’m Denice. I’ve written over twelve scripts which include features, a TV pilot, and two locally filmed shorts. I want to write great action scripts because those are my favorites to watch. Especially if they have humor. I heard that onions are great for absorbing toxins, so I have one in each room of my house.

[Denice Lewis]

Hi I’m Denice Hughes Lewis.

I agree to the terms of this release form.

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Denice Lewis]

Hi. I’m Denice Hughes Lewis. I agree to the terms of this release form.

[Denice Lewis]

Hi Margaret! I also have my first feedback to address. Send me when you’re ready and I’ll do the same. I look forward to reading your bible and pilot! Cheers, Denice

[Denice Lewis]

I’d be happy to exchange feedback, Margaret. prismartsllc@gmail.com.

[Denice Lewis]

Would you like to exchange feedback, Jeffrey? My email address is prismartsllc@gmail.com.

[Denice Lewis]

Would you like to exchange feedback, Sunil? My email is prismartsllc@gmail.com.

[Denice Lewis]

Great job,Kristina!

[Denice Lewis]

I’ll exchange feedback with you, Kimbal. My address is prismartsllc@gmail.com

[Denice Lewis]

I’d be happy to exchange feedback. My email is prismartsllc@gmail.com. Send me a pdf and I’ll so the same. Thanks.

[Denice Lewis]

I’d be happy to exchange documents. Please send yours in a pdf to prismartsllc@gmail.com. Then I’ll send you mine.

[Denice Lewis]

Maya Robinson

Role: 16-year-old protagonist
Unique Purpose: Saving the dream world and reality
Intrigue: Balancing two worlds
Moral Issue: Ethical dilemmas with her choices
Unpredictable: Selfish, emotional judgment
Empathetic: Navigating dangerous world, trust issues, determination in face of fear

Hidden Agendas: Pretending to be a dreamer while searching for Dad
Competition: Lysandra, Dream Forgers, Zander
Conspiracies: Uncovers Dream Forger plan to manipulate dreams to influence real world

Secrets: She doesn’t tell her grandmother anything.
Deception: She lies because she can’t trust anyone issues test her resolve and strength

Wound: Father’s betrayal in not telling her the truth
Secret Identity: Unaware she’s the next Dreamweaver, protector of Dream Light.

Situational: Hope – to find her father Fear – his death, unknown dangers, her powers

Motivational: Want – to find her father, restore her life Need: To accept her destiny

Mask: Base Negative Emotion: fear, self-doubt Public Mask: Confident, in control

Weaknesses: Impulsive, puts herself in danger, clouded judgment, lack of knowledge

Triggers: Authority figures, stress, others’ pain and suffering
Coping Mechanism: withdrawing and facing challenges alone, testing her powers

Blake Robinson:

Role: Maya’s father, imprisoned Dreamweaver
*Unique Purpose: Holding the dream world and reality together while imprisoned Intrigue: Pursuing ancient artifact to save Maya, alter prophecy

Moral Issue: Risks Maya’s life for the greater good
Unpredictable: Manupulates dream world despite captivity, challenge parental norms.

Empathetic: Torn between duty and paternal instinct to save Maya.
Hidden Agendas: Reviving his wife from coma, knows she’s Lysandra
Competition: Lysandra and other malevolent entities seeking Maya’s capture.

Conspiracies: His kidnapping is not random, linked to the Dream Forgers
Secrets: Connects to crucial Dreamweaver artifact that could tip balance of power.

Deception: Clever strategies and illusions for his survival and Maya’s, false trails

Wound: Failed to protect wife, haunted by Lysandra’s fate
Secret Identity: Maya’s father
Situational: Hope: to save Maya from the prophecy
Motivation: Want: protect Maya from the prophecy
Mask: Base Negative Emotion: withholding, guilt
Weaknesses: trusting his mother-Sophia, overprotectiveness, regret
Triggers: interference, danger to Maya, nightmares
Coping Mechanism: deciphering the prophecy, devising strategies to help Maya

Fear of failure
Need: to tell her the truth

Public Mask: confident Dreamweaver

Lysandra

Role: antagonistic mastermind
Purpose: to become the Dreamweaver
Intrigue: seeks power from Blake, unaware of Maya’s identity
Moral Issue: ruthless, lacks empathy, except when memory is faulty

Unpredictable: volatile temper, betrays without warning
Empathetic: wrongfully condemned to the dark dream world, memory loss
Hidden agenda: to rule the dream world and live in real life
Competition: Blake, Maya, Dream Forgers, Sophia
Conspiracies: Aligns with dreamers in the dark realm for personal gain
Secrets: doesn’t know she holds ancient knowledge of mythical realm and artifact

Deception: Charming, manipulative, creates nightmares and illusions
Wound: suffers from memory loss
Secret Identity: Unaware of being in a coma, Blake’s wife, Maya’s mother

Situational: Hopes to control the dream world and reality Fears death

Motivation: Wants to live in real world Needs to know the truth about her family

Mask: Negative emotion is vengeance Public Mask: Strong ruler of dark dreams

Weaknesses: Attracted to Blake, temper
Triggers: Losing control of situations
Coping Mechanism: resorts to destruction

Sophia ?

Role: mother, grandmother, mythologist
Purpose: Safeguard Maya, expert on Dreamweaver lineage
Intrigue: her secrets haunt her
Moral Issue: Will sacrifice for Maya’s legacy and immortality
Unpredictable: Sweet, secretive schemer
Empathetic: Responsible for Lysandra’s problems, riddled with guilt
Hidden Agendas: safeguard Dreamweaver legacy
Competition: Dream Forgers, Blake, Maya
Secrets: Caused Lysandra’s coma and banishment to dark dream world
Deception: Works with Dream Forgers to resurrect dead husband
Wound: Husband’s death in the dream world, hence reality
Secret Identity: Former Dreamweaver
Situational: Hope: resurrect husband Fear: Dream Forgers are lying about resurrection Motivation: Want: to control Maya Needs to fix problems caused by her past actions
Mask: Base Negative Emotion: deceit Public Mask: loving mother and grandmother, scholar Weaknesses: won’t face truth, selfish
Triggers: Maya’s defiance, unsettling dreams
Coping mechanism: Grounding Maya, sleeping pills

Zander

Role: Aids or jeopardizes alliance with Maya
Unique Purpose: Protects Maya, camouflaged in dream world
Intrigue: He’s a shape-shifter
Moral Issue: He works for light and dark, defies rules, wants revenge
Unpredictable: Shifts loyalties, con artist
Empathetic: Masks lost soul with optimism, haunted by tragic past
Hidden Agendas: Serves conflicting dream world characters
Competition: Challenges Maya’s powers
Conspiracies: Works with light and dark to find out who killed his family
Secrets: Knows everyone’s secrets in dream world
Deception: Driven by revenge, will do anything to know the truth
Wound: Feels responsible for family’s deaths.
Secret Identity: Lysandra’s spy
Situational: Hope: discover truth about family’s deaths Fear: will have no peace without success Motivation: Wants: Truth Needs: Love and redemption
Mask: Negative Emotion: lonely, depressed Public Mask: /confident teen, humor masks turmoil Weakness: confused loyalty, impulsive, identity crisis
Triggers: things go wrong, others in pain
Coping Mechanism, withdraws, broods

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Plot & Character Layers
What I learned doing this assignment is that AI adds and twists ideas that stimulate further thinking. It forces clearer decisions.

Example Show: HIJACK, Episode 2

Plot Layers:Plane is hijacked.

Sam has just volunteered to help the hijackers, saying he only wants to get home to his family.
The reason is hidden for the hijacking.
The hijackers threaten, hit, but don’t shoot anyone. Who are they?
Why did they hijack the plane?
Air traffic controller in England is late to work and her questions make them realize there’s a problem with the flight. The plan is hidden.

The history of the hijackers is hidden.

The major betrayal comes from Sam who is pretending to help the hijackers.
Plane is in trouble when they cross over new countries unless they communicate and the plane is on autopilot.

Character Layers

Secret identity: Sam hides that he is a negotiator.
Character intrigue: He gains the hijackers trust. Tells them to get the pilot out of the cockpit-he’s the only danger, then communicates with the pilot via a video game to get him back into the cockpit to signal for help to the authorities on the ground. He also gives the hijacker a gun he finds so he will trust him.

Pilot changes course by 3 degrees to alert officials because of Sam’s trick.
Sam’s ex-wife is living with a NY detective with connections to the government.

Hidden relationships and conspiracies: We know nothing at this time in the series

Hidden Character history: Daniel has had a relationship with a government official.

My Show: Organize in possible sequence of reveals
Plot Surface: Maya wants to go with her father on his business trip, but he won’t take her. Limousine picks her up for private school. As soon as she arrives, she strips off her uniform to reveal a sexy outfit. Kids whisper about her. She gets expelled from school. Limousine takes her home.

Layer 1: Secret: Dad and Grandma argue about keeping his business secret from Maya. Intrigue: He gives her a letter to give to Maya if something happens to him.

Layer 2: Mystery: Maya walks into her father’s study. She grabs her wrist in pain—a birthmark materializes.

Layer 3: Thought it was one thing, it’s another: Dad touches a wall with his wrist which becomes

a moving vision. He steps inside. Monsters capture him and ride him away. Grandma pulls drapes across wall. Maya moves drapes—wall is solid.

Layer 4: Future Consequences; Hidden Agenda: Grandma says Maya’s life is in danger. She has 5 minutes to pack, they’re leaving. Convinces her police can’t help. Gives her Dad’s letter.

Layer 5: Major Betrayal, Hidden History: Lysandra, the Dark Dreamer in charge of nightmares, wants Blake’s job as the Dreamweaver to control dreams and affect reality. She’s responsible for Blake’s kidnapping. She knows him, but can’t remember why. She’s really his comatose wife of seventeen years and Maya’s mom in the real world. Maya doesn’t know.

Layer 6: Hidden Agenda: Maya discovers a portal in the attic of the new house. She enters the dangerous and unpredictable world of dreams in search of her father.

Layer 7: Conspiracy: The Dream Forgers have secretly controlled Maya’s family for generations. They are waiting for an ancient prophecy of Maya’s death to be fulfilled to end the reign of The Dreamweavers to take control of the dream world and affect events in the real world.

Layer 8: Hidden Consequences: As Maya delves deeper into the dream world, the conflict between the light and darkness grows.

Character Layers:

Maya:
Secret Identity: She has to take a different name and pretend she’s normal in school.

Character Intrigue: How will she affect dreams since she’s spoiled, rebellious, and insecure?

Hidden relationships: She’ll meet Zander, the shape-shifter, and form an alliance to navigate the dream world.

Hidden Character History: She doesn’t know her mom is alive and in a coma.

Hidden Agenda: Travel in the dream world without her grandmother knowing. Wound: Her father’s betrayal, secret yearning for a mother

Blake:
Secret Identity: He’s the Dreamweaver
Character intrigue: He’s kept many secrets to protect his daughter.
Hidden relationships: He’s married to Lysandra.
Hidden History: He’s trying to find out what happened to his wife and wake her.

Hidden Agenda: To save Maya from the prophecy of her death.
Wound: His wife’s coma.

Sophia, Maya’s grandmother:
Secret Identity: She was a Dreamweaver.
Major Betrayal: She’s responsible for Lysandra’s coma.
Hidden History: She’s trying to resurrect her husband with promises from the Dream Forgers.

Hidden relationships and conspiracies: She works for the Dream Forgers while secretly trying to save her son and granddaughter with far reaching consequences for the future of the dream world and reality.

Hidden agenda: To expose the Dream Forgers

Wound: Her husband’s death.

Lysandra:
Secret Identity: She doesn’t know she’s real and in a coma.
Character intrigue: She’s on the edge of remembering everything. Wildly attracted to Blake, but doesn’t know why. She’s dark, vengeful and dangerous. Initially portrayed as a menacing figure, she slowly reveals her vulnerability and internal conflict as memories resurface.

Hidden relationships and conspiracies: She uses anyone to achieve her goals.

Hidden agenda: To destroy the Dream Forgers.
Wound: Losing her memory

Zander:
Secret Identity: Shape shifter. He can become anything in the dream world. Character Intrigue: He’s the only true dream figure, not ever having a life in the real world.

Hidden relationships and conspiracies: He’s plays both sides of the dream world—the light and the dark.

Hidden character history: He’s made his up and doesn’t know who he really is.

Hidden agenda: He wants revenge and thinks he will do anything to achieve it.

Wound: His family’s deaths.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Show Relationship Map
What I learned doing this assignment is that layers can get deeper and deeper. A relationship map is an easy tool to organize relationships at a glance and be able to adapt or change when necessary. It’s an easier way to compare the six main relationship categories. AI sometimes gives me a better words and ideas to explain the characters’ relationships.

I found it difficult to make a very good map with “Hijack” because they really only have one main character, one main adversary, and in this episode, Detective Daniel. There are a lot of secondary background characters. The characters that started the show, like Sam’s wife, aren’t in all the episodes so far. That’s the case for most of the characters. The plan of the adversaries seems more important as to how it unravels and affects officials on the ground making the decisions and the hijackers in the air. For now, there has been a shocking twist with a passenger killing the pilot (I think) and taking over the cockpit.

Maya – Blake – Sophia – Lysandra

Surface: Father – Grandmother – Adversary (Mom)

Common Ground: dreams, prophecy – family secrets, strategic, smart – dreams

Conflict: kidnapping, betrayal – protectiveness, disobedience – power struggle

History: Daddy’s girl, secrets of his work – mysterious past, loving grandmother – dark dream influence, unknown parenthood

Subtext: His unresolved guilt, her fear of being alone – unrevealed secrets, distrust – unrecognized connection. intrigue, manipulation

Arc: forgiveness, reconciliation – control of Sophia – enemies or the end of series, death

[Denice Lewis]

You have my sincerest condolences for your loss.

[Denice Lewis]

i hope your healing is progressing well.

[Denice Lewis]

You’re my heroine! I would have died. Really.

[Denice Lewis]

Marla was a lovely person and so helpful. A great writer, too.

[Denice Lewis]

Thank you for saving an elephant!

[Denice Lewis]

Clever answer on #1!

[Denice Lewis]

Hi Robert. It’s always nice to be introduced to something I know nothing about. You have an intriguing setting. Great job.

Traits:

Marcus: It’s easy to see his commanding, strategic, and imaginative traits. You might have a little more information for readers who know nothing about this sport so we can see his strategy easier. You have his apologetic trait, but it could be stronger when Carley pulls the scull down. Maybe he can be responsible for that, accidentally.

Carley: Her tough and caring traits shine through. Her polite and evasive skills could be stronger.

Both characters seem to display a competitive trait the most.

Interest Techniques:

You have anticipatory dialogue for the race, betrayal in what he did to her team on the water, both characters changed with a future, prediction for the race, surprise with the scull falling, the dilemma and uncomfortable moment and hook when they have to work together, the twist. I think a different sentence at the end from Mike would make more of a cliffhanger. Something that puts their next day captaining in real jeopardy. If Carley disappears and says nothing when the scull falls, it would add more suspense. How much does a scull weigh? Could she really be hurt? Wouldn’t Marcus’s reaction really create suspense? You could setup the wet floor in the beginning. Marcus would be more interested in her than the scull and you need to show that when he removes it. I think you can shorten the beginning so that Mike doesn’t take up so much space. It would allow more interaction, and action for your main characters. How do you tune up a rigor and oar lock? Perhaps that can add to your situation. it is hard, dirty, time-consuming? When you rewrite, watch out for repetitive words, ‘now, two’, and repetitive sentences. Marcus states almost the same sentence twice. It would allow you more lines for subtext. I think it’s interesting that you set this up so that the two characters won’t be competing against each other in the race. That’s very different. Super job! This is a very good scene and with a couple of changes and additions, it would be great. Good luck.

[Denice Lewis]

Your comments are always so uplifting! Thank you, Robert. I appreciate your insight. If I were going to get to write this screenplay (which we can’t), I would probably add something in the beginning to denote the Sonoran desert is part of a Native American reservation. That would give my last sentence about native spears more of a cliffhanger and set up the story for how Native Americans feel about the pesticides and our heroes involvement with them.

I would love to keep in touch and be helpful to each other. My email is prismartsllc@gmail.com. Feel free to email me any time. It was great sharing the class with you.

[Denice Lewis]

Hi Edward!

What a terrific setting and set up for the interest techniques! I’m impressed.

Traits:

Marcus: It’s easy to see his commanding and strategic traits in several places when he’s telling her what to do. You might think about removing or changing the following sentence to subtext, his “I don’t know,” because it doesn’t fit his traits. Carley says she’s ‘sorry’ which is his apologetic trait.

Carley: Her appearance provides the distracting trait. She’s tough and caring when she helps Marcus, but I don’t see her polite trait as well. The fact that she’s accident-prone in finding the clues gives her a different trait. I don’t remember any subtext lines for the characters. The one line she mumbles (“at other peoples’ expense”) about Marcus made me think she didn’t care for him at all. If so, why are they best friends?

Interest Techniques:

You have set up many of these techniques! Good job. A real motivation to win the game could raise the stakes dramatically. Will they win something? Is this a tournament? Something that makes us care about the ticking clock you set up so well. By making Marcus unfamiliar with the game weakens the impact of his traits, the suspense, the dilemma. What could happen with a major twist if she’s really good a this game, even though it’s her first time? Maybe she’s been asked at the last minute. How does this scene change if he’s good at it? You’ve set up a cool abandoned lab with the virus, etc., but it doesn’t lead us anywhere in the plot. Could an announcer of the time and consequences work to add more suspense? Maybe it’s not really a game at the end and we find out in a big surprise moment which could create a future in addition to the nice kiss. This could add a mislead and reveal. Maybe that’s another major twist and cliffhanger. Maybe they’ll be infected if they don’t find the clues. I hope you don’t mind the suggestions. You see where you’re scene has led me? Because it’s a super idea!

Thanks so much for our together in this class.

[Denice Lewis]

Hi Edward!

Thank you so much for your generous feedback. I hope you know how valuable it is to me. I’m going to miss these classes and the great guys who have been here with me the whole time.

[Denice Lewis]

Thank you for your comments and your suggestions, Robert! It’s always so nice to have feedback to make us see things a little differently. I need to go back and copy all of the feedback in their respective places for when I need the notes for learning. Unfortunately, these aren’t scenes to ever complete. I wonder why Hal’s scene setups are easier for me to do than my own scripts?

[Denice Lewis]

Hi Edward,

I’m sorry I’ve taken so long. I really like the mood you set up with the weather. Great job. I think you can use it even more when the Detective goes in and out the door. Perhaps a few more traits for Brandy and Phillip could show up then–her need for protection from him, his politeness. You’ve set up a super crucible by confining your main characters in a car. Good job.

Traits and Subtext:

Brandy – Her deceptive trait and subtext are the strongest elements. Rather than have her ‘nod’ to the detective, you’ve created a great place to add dialogue to demonstrate a trait. For example: I’m one step away from being the top cardiologist in LA, or do you need a heart exam, Detective? I know you can think of the perfect line or lines. Another way of showing more traits is to eliminate your repetitive phrases between the detective and Brandy. When Brandy says, “Yes we did, didn’t we?” to Phillip, you could show another of her traits. When she’s betrayed, she might say something instead of glaring–a lie of something to incriminate him as this is a big shocking twist.

Phillip – HIs traits and subtext as a manipulator come shining through. If Brandy hesitates to talk about what she gave his husband, he could be even more manipulative, entitled, and guilt-ridden. The use of ‘please’ or some other word when he’s talking to the detective would highlight his polite trait.

Interest Techniques: You hook us with the handcuffs and ‘husband’. I really like the major twist that uses betrayal, anticipatory dialogue, and character change. You’ve set up the suspense, uncertainty, uncomfortable moments, prediction, creating a future with the wait for the coroner’s decision in a great way. You might be able to add a little more mystery and dilemma between Brandy and Phillip so we understand their relationship a little better. Then when he betrays her, it could be even bigger. You certainly have an interesting setting in the car with the weather. You could mislead us a bit more with how Phillip treats Brandy in the beginning so that his betrayal is even worse. It could also highlight both of their traits. I love the cliffhanger twist at the end! Good job!

[Denice Lewis]

I’m sorry I didn’t get my comments to you in the right place. Please scroll down to find them. Thanks.

[Denice Lewis]

I really love your situation and setup! You nailed Philip’s traits, but I see more of a protective trait in Brandy than deceptive or her subtext of lying. Since Brandy is needy, she might be imploring Phillip to help her at the end. It might be interesting to make us think both of your characters are guilty with their dialogue, even if they aren’t. Then hit us with the traitor. I look forward to your rewrite!

[Denice Lewis]

Very nice twists, Edward! I think the mood you set with the rain, and the setups you used are great. Kudos. I look forward to your rewrite!

[Denice Lewis]

Thank you for your comments, Robert. Your critique really inspires me. After listening to Hal’s talk about Michael’s example, I felt that I needed more set-up/reveals in my scene and found it difficult to do with two characters. I swayed back and forth about whether or not to add another character, but decided to rewrite the scene with two. I look forward to your critique on the final.

[Denice Lewis]

Hi Alfred! I agree with Robert. You have a great concept that needs a little more information for the reader since he/she won’t know the logline. This can be done with a few lines of dialogue from your characters. Good luck!

[Denice Lewis]

You did a great job with all of the interest techniques! Congratulations! Keep it up! My only confusion came when I read your introductory information. I never saw a gun. Does this come later in the scene?

[Denice Lewis]

Thank you so much for your comments, Robert. You made my day. I really appreciate interacting with my fellow students since I’m usually alone with my critical self.

I seem to be out of order with the assignments, but will plunge ahead. My next assignment is the first version of the one you and Alfred and Edward did here.

[Denice Lewis]

You did a really great job with all nineteen interest techniques! Congratulations!

[Denice Lewis]

Hi Bob. I really like your revision. You rearranged ideas, dialogue and action to great benefit. I love their last names, Hazard and Trapper. Nice irony. Both women’s subtext is spot on. You have a great setup for Renee’s betrayal. Great prissiness. Her traits of devious and outgoing are outstanding with the coffee she brings her boss and the setup/payoff at the end with the police. You might have added a comment by Maxine to give us more information and emotional wound about the assisted suicide; for example: you told them about my mother, or whatever. Then we can engage with Maxine. Or if you want us to side with Renee, make Maxine more snobbish, and bold so we don’t like Maxine. Although I do like siding with Maxine because it’s a twist on the old idea of underlings getting the shaft. Your dialogue gives us an idea of what kind of boss Maxine has been that she would help her assistant. You could show more of an emotional wound with Maxine in action and dialogue when she knows her secret is out. I like the cliffhanger, but would also like to have it clearer as to what better offer Renee gets to add more irony. Knowing how long have they worked together would make the betrayal shockingly worse as well as a betrayal that seems to have been a long time in coming. You could have the police arrest Maxine for even greater impact. You’ve done a super job with other interest techniques: anticipatory dialogue, character change, creating a future, a major twist, uncomfortable moment, an intriguing setting instead of the usual. If you wanted to add suspense and mystery you could show us Renee outside first in some way interacting with Philip or a taxi driver, or whatever. And maybe dilemma when Maxine sees the police. Only suggestions. Your scene is very well done as it is.

[Denice Lewis]

Hi Edward. I like this rewrite better. You have a nice scene with two actresses ultimately vying for the same part in a movie. I have a tendency to write sparsely, so I appreciate it in other writers. In your case, I think you could add more dialogue for a little more information. Perhaps Maxine waiting for a text, and checking her phone, so at the end, we understand why she left the table. Depending on how you approach adding more action/dialogue, or if you do, it could highlight Maxine’s paranoia, and her emotional wounds. What does an actress do when dumped by an agent? It could be devastating, but maybe Maxine blackmailed her ex-agent into getting another one or something. Maybe her agent comes into the restaurant, etc. Her judgmental trait and wound could be stronger in her reactions to Renee, especially when Renee talks about her losing her agent. You have a great place there to add subtext, snobbishness, and judgment. It would add more overt conflict between the friends. Renee’s outgoing and devious traits are great. Maxine’s comment about prissiness, or Renee’s comment about the waiter don’t fit as being prudish or goody-goody. You’re a good writer who doesn’t need to have the traits spelled out in dialogue. Show us: a chip in the fingernail polish, a stray hair out of place, always checking in the mirror or asking if she looks all right are examples. I’m not sure I saw her conformist trait. The interest techniques that were most obvious to me were betrayal, major twist, uncomfortable moment, anticipatory dialogue, character change, and creating a future. Great job! You could add mystery and suspense if you have Maxine waiting for a text or something similar. I hope this helps and I haven’t overstepped. Keep up the good work!

[Denice Lewis]

I really appreciate your comments, Edward. You and Bob suggested the same kind of ending to the scene by adding the Commander, so it will be done. Although, these scenes aren’t ours anyway. Adding the Commander in person is even better and can add suspense, surprise, uncomfortable moments, and a better cliffhanger. If I set it up correctly, it would add more betrayal if Renee summons the Commander before she sees Maxine. Thank you so much for your insight and appreciation of my writing. It means a great deal to me.

[Denice Lewis]

Thank you for all of your comments and observations, Bob. I hope you know how much they mean to me. I’m sorry I didn’t mention the trait I changed for Maxine in this rewrite. Her tricky trait was changed to vengeful, so I know I need more of that trait coming through instead of just at the end. I like your suggestion of having the Commander pop in at the end of the scene, too. I’ve been trying to get all 19 interest techniques in the scene because I like to challenge myself. I put them together in a sequence so I can remember them. Unfortunately, I ‘m not sure which ones were for this assignment. Hopefully, I can better exploit the betrayal, character change, uncertainty, uncomfortable moment, and intrigue by adding the Commander at the end. Great idea to add strength to the scene! Thank you, again.

[Denice Lewis]

Thank you so much for your feedback and comments, Bob! I really appreciate your help in finding what I can do to elevate the scene. We’re so close, we often miss how to do that and extra eyes are invaluable. Especially with the ability of those taking this class.

[Denice Lewis]

Hi Edward,

Thank you! I think you give great feedback, so don’t sell yourself short. I’ve been writing scripts for over 22 years and I learn something new all the time. I don’t think there’s ever an end to that process if you want to get better. Onward and upward!

[Denice Lewis]

Hi Bob!

Your Squire shows all of his traits to great effect. Great job. I think Nancy’s are good, too. You might add a little more scheming–if she wants a certain candidate or something like that. You’ve made their subtext traits obvious. I feel you covered the interest techniques of anticipatory dialogue, betrayal, dilemma, prediction, uncertainty, uncomfortable moment, mystery well. You might think of creating a future, cliffhanger, and suspense, stronger with something Nancy does at the end. You accomplished a lot in a very short time. Kudos.

[Denice Lewis]

Hi Edward! I really liked the way you ended it – great cliffhanger, uncertainty, and creating a future. There were many other interest techniques that paid off; hook, something unseen (with two bombs!), suspense, uncomfortable moments, prediction, surprise. An unexpected major twist and setting. You chose a good scene for anticipatory dialogue, too. I felt that Squire’s evasive, happy-go-lucky (with an attitude), and seductive traits were very evident. I’m wondering if his selfish trait could be more developed. Nancy is confrontational, stubborn, and caring. Her scheming trait is the challenge. I also think that one-word dialogue can’t show a trait or interest technique as well as a sentence in which you can add even more to the subtext you already handled so well. Good job!

[Denice Lewis]

Hi Edward. I’m confused about the assignments and feedback. I gave you feedback on lesson 8 since that’s where I put my scene. I’m sorry for any confusion.

[Denice Lewis]

You accomplished a lot in a short amount of time. Good job. Nice setup. You might show their traits a little more than just having the characters announce them. Maybe elaborate a little on the importance of the information on the thumb drive since it’s only apparent in your logline and essence.

[Denice Lewis]

Excellent set up and reveal. You can feel the tension build. I really like the surprise and twist of the therapist. Good use of the interest techniques. Since you used all but the superior position, you might add it just for the challenge of using them all. Thanks for the great example.

[Denice Lewis]

I think you did a great job with the traits, subtext, and interest techniques. You accomplished a lot in a very concise way that made the read quick and exciting. I’m impressed.

[Denice Lewis]

You did a great job with John’s traits and subtext. I see three of Nick’s traits very well. You might find a way to show his giving side since he withholds everything. He seems to be in the worst possible place, but I love his humor. His subtext is clear, too.

You certainly have many interest techniques: suspense, betrayal, hope/fear, intrigue, surprise and major twist with Mohammed. Congratulations on the cat and mouse game. You have left a lot of questions as to what will come next!

[Denice Lewis]

Thank you for your comments, Robert. I honestly had trouble with this scene and had to think about it for two days. I thought the hope/fear dynamic difficult and appreciate your advice on expanding it further.

[Denice Lewis]

Have you posted your revised scene? I will be happy to add my comments.

[Denice Lewis]

Thank you for your comments Robert. I appreciate your insight. Please feel free to comment on how I could improve my scene.

[Denice Lewis]

Thank you for your comments on my scene. Please feel free to tell me how it could be improved. I appreciate your time and your help.

[Denice Lewis]

HI George,

We can exchange critiques if you like. Here you go.

Trent’s traits and subtext:

Having Robert get beaten up and saving him is a unique way to fulfill Trent’s subtext as well as his bragging about his sales. Good job! He obviously needs sex which points to his needy trait. He could be a little more aggressive. That could happen if Robert didn’t invite him to his home to meet his wife and he pushes for it. It could show up in dialogue. It would also give a reason for the pretense of the beating.

Robert’s traits and subtext:

I am unclear as to how his subtext works. Who is he taking down or who did he? He’s smooth and gregarious, but you could add even more about his low self-esteem with a younger wife. How is he secretive? That trait could be combined in some way with his subtext. What is his motive for this meeting?

Interest Techniques:

You have a major twist, surprise, betrayal, and dramatic irony that are obvious. Wow, I really don’t like Robert and his opinion of women. Great line. I think you could have a more interesting setting than a restaurant – for example, the actual auction. Perhaps there’s a way to add superior position if you clarify Robert.

I hope this helps. Let me know if you have questions.

[Denice Lewis]

Thanks, Ira! I’m sorry I haven’t answered sooner. I’ve had trouble finding these lessons. I appreciate your time and comments. I will certainly read yours tonight! Thank you, again.