[Denise Bryant]

Denise Bryant. Is there someone willing to exchange draft 1 of my script?

[Denise Bryant]

Lesson 6. Denise Bryant. Exchange. Is there anyone willing to exchange draft 1 of my script with me?

[Denise Bryant]

What I learned doing this process is being able to see new and improved scenes. There were several new scenes as well. I moved scenes around and deleted scenes for a better flow. I also discovered that I could have been more inclusive of scenes in the outline. This assignment was enlightening process. I saw an area where I need to work more on flow but will improve it with time and as we move forward.

[Denise Bryant]

Hi, I am free for exchange 3 if anyone is available. Drama, Political. Based upon a true story. My email is dfbryant234@hotmail.com

[Denise Bryant]

Denise’s Outline

I am ready to exchange my outline.

[Denise Bryant]

Denise Bryant – Assignment 3 – 4 Act Structure, Rewrite V2-2023

This assignment provided me the opportunity to look for Genre conventions and conflicts within my script. It is a better start for my rewrite.

THE STRUCTURE QUESTIONS

Opening:

Nursing home room early morning. The room is cozy and warmly decorated with personal items. A framed photo of an African American female (CATHERINE, 66) and African American female (DENISE, 42) sits on the bedside table. An AIDE comes into the room and opens the window curtains. She turns around and notices the feet and legs of an African American woman hanging from beneath the drawn bed curtains. She pulls back the curtains (photo of woman not shown). Her eyes widened in shock. She runs out.

Is this an engaging opening scene that lures us into the story? Yes.

ACT I

Supra

A young Denise, age 3, is in bed asleep while her mother ELISABETH (28) is fatally wounded by her drunken gun toting husband, EDWARD (26). Elisabeth’s outdoor burial services are shown with a few attendees. Denise solemnly and tearfully looks at her dad from the back window of a vehicle driven from the site by her aunt Catherine.

Is the lead character clearly living in a pre-transformation mode? Yes.

Inciting Incident: Catherine is discovered hanging from her bedside rail and is later pronounced dead.

Turning Point: Married with children, Denise wants to provide care for Catherine in her home but faces opposition from her husband Lester who wants Denise to place Catherine into a nursing home instead. She is forced to seek an alternative that puts her employment and marriage in jeopardy.

Act 2:

New Plan: Denise seeks alternatives other than nursing homes to care for Catherine.

Plan in action: How does the protagonist take action on that plan?

Denise moves Catherine into a nearby house to care for her.

Midpoint Turning Point: How does the Midpoint change the meaning, creating a reveal that changes everything while keeping us on the same journey?

Funds dwindle after Denise quits her job to care for Catherine. Denise is forced to place Catherine into a nearby nursing home. She promises Catherine if any harm occurs, she will take on the world. Within months, and after Denise complained about inadequate care, Catherine was taken to a hospital non-responsive. The hospital will not provide Denise with any information. Denise goes to the nursing home for answers, but no one will meet with her. She learns later that Catherine was found hanging from her bedside rail.

Act 3:

React/Rethink: What is revealed to the protagonist from the Midpoint?

Catherine is dead and no one is saying how it happened. Coverups discovered.

How do they react or rethink things?

Denise does not want Catherine’s death to be swept under the rug. She reminds herself of the promise she made to Catherine to take on the world if harm comes to her while in the nursing home. Denise reports Catherine’s death to the state’s human services department. The department makes it difficult for Denise to report Catherine’s death by not taking her report over the telephone. The state department failed to timely act upon her complaint and when it did, it conducted a “drive by investigation” named by Denise, and it claimed the nursing home was not at fault. Further, if Denise wants to appeal their findings, the state department was the route in which to do so.

New Plan: What new plan did the protagonist create to deal with this new level of conflict?

Denise refused to appeal to the state department and instead filed her appeal with the federal oversight agency. Denise also contacted the local media, local advocates, state politicians, testified before the House of Representatives, and solicited registered voters’ input to expose the state department’s negligence and coverup in skilled nursing home care complaints.

Turning Point: The lowest of the low. How has this Turning Point brought the character to the lowest of lows, making it almost impossible for them to win in a normal way? This forces them to adopt the change in a much bigger way.

The state human services department refuses to fill needed inspector vacancies to timely act upon complaints, her civil claim of negligence against the nursing home is ruled in favor of the facility, her complaint form is slowly acted upon, she and Lester goes through divorce proceedings, critical autopsy photos become missing and coverups take place.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate Expression Of The Conflict: Denise testifies before a special Senate hearing in Washington, speaks before a national consumer group in Washington, mails petitions signed by registered voters from each state to their senators to implement her complaint form. Nursing home residents, caregivers, physicians, AARP, and unions join the fight. She appeals her case of negligence against the nursing home to the Supreme Court.

How is this the ultimate expression of the conflict? Denise takes her fight to the American public weakening the state departments “status quo” of operating that jeopardizes skilled nursing home residents.

How does it require a “fight to the death,” either literally or symbolically? She is risking her marriage, livelihood, and public reputation of defeat to keep her promise to Catherine.

Resolution: How does this resolution represent the transformation that has taken place and bring this story to a fitting conclusion?

Denise finally becomes the advocate she was always meant to be. She goes from a defenseless person to one who defends the defenseless. She and Lester reunite. The Supreme Court rules in her favor. The nursing home is cited as non-compliant on several federal regulations regarding Catherine’s care. The state’s human services department is forced to acknowledge defeat and gets a mark against the perfect record they tried to falsely maintain. Denise’s standardized complaint form idea becomes Public Policy in Michigan, and in the Affordable Care Act of 2010. Denise has fulfilled her promise to Catherine that benefits nursing home residents throughout all America.

How does the change show up in your lead character’s behavior? She did not speak up about her own abuse but was tenacious to speak up about Catherine’s and others without fear.

[Denise Bryant]

Denise’s fascinating Scene Outlines

What I learned doing this assignment is to keep elevating and applying the beginning, middle, and ending to each scene. I am still working at it. I was able to make my scenes more specific by applying this technique. It allowed me to see the characters transformational journey more clearer.

[Denise Bryant]

Denise’s elevated characters.

I am still working on them. Playing catch up and will go back. I have learned this is an important process in the development of the script.

[Denise Bryant]

Denise Bryant – Assignment 3 – 4 Act Structure, Rewrite V2-2023

This assignment provided me the opportunity to look for Genre conventions and conflicts within my script. It is a better start for my rewrite.

THE STRUCTURE QUESTIONS

Opening:

Nursing home room early morning. Aide comes into the room and opens the window curtains. She turns around and notices the feet and legs of an African American woman hanging from beneath drawn bed curtains. She pulls back the curtains (photo of woman not shown). Her eyes widened in shock. She runs out.

ACT I

One year later. African American woman, Denise (42) gets into a vehicle in her driveway. An African American male, Lester (52) waves as she drives away. Denise exits from a vehicle with a briefcase. She walks up a courtyard, pauses, and inhales deeply. We see she faces an enormous building that reads Michigan Supreme Court Hall of Justice.

Supra

Denise, age 3, is in bed asleep while her mother Elisabeth is fatally wounded by her drunken gun toting husband, Edward. After Elisabeth’s burial services, Denise solemnly and fearfully looks at her dad from the back window of a vehicle driven from the site by her aunt Catherine. Is this an engaging opening scene that lures us into the story? Yes. It creates curiosity.

Is the lead character clearly living in a pre-transformation mode? Yes.

Inciting Incident: Years after Denise and Catherine bond, Edward takes Denise to live with him. Denise suffers abuse by Edward up through her late teen with threats to never tell. Denise maintains a close relationship with Catherine but remains silent about her abuse.

Turning Point: Married with children, Denise wants to provide care for Catherine in her home but faces opposition from her husband Lester. She is forced to seek an alternative that puts her employment and marriage in jeopardy.

Act 2:

New Plan: Denise seeks alternatives other than nursing homes to care for Catherine.

Plan in action: How does the protagonist take action on that plan?

Denise moves Catherine into a nearby house to care for her.

Midpoint Turning Point: How does the Midpoint change the meaning, creating a reveal that changes everything while keeping us on the same journey?

Funds dwindle after Denise quits her job to care for Catherine. Denise is forced to place Catherine into a nearby nursing home. She promises Catherine if any harm occurs, she will take on the world. Within months, and after Denise complained about inadequate care, Catherine was taken to a hospital non-responsive. The hospital will not provide Denise with any information. Denise goes to the nursing home for answers, but no one will meet with her. She learns later that Catherine was found hanging from her bedside rail.

Act 3:

React/Rethink: What is revealed to the protagonist from the Midpoint?

Catherine is dead and no one is saying how it happened.

How do they react or rethink things?

Denise does not want Catherine’s death to be swept under the rug. She reminds herself of the promise she made to Catherine to take on the world if harm comes to her while in the nursing home. Denise reports Catherine’s death to the state’s human services department. The department makes it difficult for Denise to report Catherine’s death by not taking her report over the telephone. The state department failed to timely act upon her complaint and when it did, it conducted a so called “drive by investigation” and claimed the nursing home was not at fault.

New Plan: What new plan did the protagonist create to deal with this new level of conflict?

Denise contacted the local media, local advocates, state politicians, testified before the House of Representatives, and solicited registered voters’ input to expose the state department’s negligence and coverup in skilled nursing home care complaints.

Turning Point: The lowest of the low. How has this Turning Point brought the character to the lowest of lows, making it almost impossible for them to win in a normal way? This forces them to adopt the change in a much bigger way.

The state human services department refuses to fill needed inspector vacancies to timely act upon complaints, her civil claim of negligence against the nursing home is ruled in favor of the facility, her complaint form is slowly acted upon, she and Lester goes through divorce proceedings, critical autopsy photos become missing.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate Expression Of The Conflict: Denise testifies before a special Senate hearing in Washington, speaks before a national consumer group in Washington, mails petitions signed by registered voters from each state to their senators to implement her complaint form. Nursing home residents, caregivers, physicians, AARP, and unions joined the fight. She appealed her case against the nursing home to the Supreme Court.

How is this the ultimate expression of the conflict? She took her fight to the American public making it more difficult for the state to oppose her.

How does it require a “fight to the death,” either literally or symbolically? She was willing to risk everything, even her marriage, job, civil case, and public reputation of defeat.

Resolution: How does this resolution represent the transformation that has taken place and bring this story to a fitting conclusion?

Denise finally becomes the advocate she was always meant to be. She goes from a defenseless person to one who defends the defenseless. She and Lester reunite. The Supreme Court rules in her favor. The nursing home is cited as non-compliant on three federal regulations regarding Catherine’s death. The state’s human services department is forced to acknowledge defeat and gets a mark against the perfect record they tried to falsely maintain. Denise’s standardized complaint form idea becomes Public Policy in Michigan, and in the Affordable Care Act of 2010. Denise has fulfilled her promise to Catherine that benefits nursing home residents throughout all America.

How does the change show up in your lead character’s behavior? She did not speak up about her own abuse but was tenacious to speak up about Catherine’s and others without fear.

[Denise Bryant]

Denise Bryant – What I learned doing this assignment is to ensure that my script matches my A-Fs and if not, improve.

A. GENRE: Drama, Political

B. TITLE: THE ADVOCATE

C. HIGH CONCEPT: A niece in search for the truth in her aunt’s mysterious death exposes a state coverup of epic proportion that leads to the Supreme Court.

D. MAIN CONFLICT: Her niece must stop the state department from harming more people while her aunt’s death is still publicly fresh.

E. TRANSFORMATIONAL JOURNEY: From a defenseless person to a defender of the defenseless.

F. OPPOSITION: The state department who wants to protect their image of good, and her husband who does not want her to take on a political system for fear of retribution.

• This reply was modified 2 years ago by  Denise Bryant.

[Denise Bryant]

My name is Denise F. Bryant

I have written two scripts. I hope to achieve an improved rewrite of my script, THE ADVOCATE, that will sell.

Something unique, special, strange or unusual about me.

I created and gave idea to a standardized nursing home complaint form and advocated its implementation in every nursing home in America for transparent reporting of abuse and neglect. It is now required in every U.S. skilled nursing facility and is also included in the Affordable Care Act of 2010. Check your state’s website to file a complaint.

I giggle a lot and look forward to this journey with each of you!

• This reply was modified 2 years ago by  Denise Bryant.

[Denise Bryant]

Denise’s Marketing Plan

What I learned doing this assignment is to market myself as a writer through various networks. My marketing plan is to inform my producer contacts, and champions that I am available for writing assignment and ask them to market my availability as well.

Hello ___________,

I write dramas that are character driven with real life dilemmas where the protagonist wins in the end. My current drama projects are titled The Advocate and An Unexpected Gift.

I noticed on IMDbPro that you produce drama movies. 

I just wanted to let you know that I am available to do writing assignments -- rewrite a screenplay, adapt a book, or write a screenplay from your idea. Of course, I'd be happy to send you a writing sample so you know the quality of my work.

Let me know if you need anything.

Denise F. Bryant
Phone
Email
LinkedIn Profile

I will elevate my 10 page writing sample and seek feedback from my writer peers and use that as my sample.

[Denise Bryant]

WA22-DAY 10, Denise is a note taking professional.

What I learned doing this assignment is to review what I have learned taking this course, as well as knowing how I would respond to the producer’s request by answering the questions below.

1. Tell us the logline of your treatment from the last assignment.

When her aunt dies from mysterious circumstances in a Detroit nursing home, her devoted niece claims foul play. Administration denies wrongdoing. The Michigan Supreme Court decides. Based upon a true story. When her aunt dies a mysterious death in a nursing home.
<br aria-hidden=”true”> 2. Tell us how you would honor each of the following requests:<br aria-hidden=”true”> <br aria-hidden=”true”> – Cut the budget in half.

First, I would ask the producer what he/she could live without in the script and start with those elements. I would look for the high-priced scenes and consider changing them by removing them or reducing elements to cut the cost. I would also look at reducing locations and characters. I will review my page count and take out or change scenes that require special effects and green scenes if any. If I have written for an A list character, I may rewrite for a B list character.
<br aria-hidden=”true”> – Write it for a different audience (quadrant).

I would ask the producer for which audience they would like to see it written and do it.
<br aria-hidden=”true”> – Double the conflict.

I would look for ways to double the conflict by adding perhaps another antagonist, increase the threat to the protagonist by adding suspense that threatens his/her goal. I would find creative ways to make it happen.
<br aria-hidden=”true”> – Change the sex and age of the lead character.

Just do it and rewrite necessary scenes or dialogue that would be seeming to that character’s age and sex.
<br aria-hidden=”true”> – Change the genre.

This could be challenging if I do not have any
expertise or experience in that genre. I
would ask for time to create the change if not skilled in that genre.

[Denise Bryant]

WA22- Day 11, Denise’s Plan for Increasing Perceived Value

What I learned doing this assignment is to set up a plan to increase my value with producers in order to get writing assignments.

1. What is your specialty? My specialty is character driven dramas with female leads who face emotionally challenging dilemmas that they overcome.

Describe your expertise in that specialty in one or two sentences. I passionately write about stories that include my experiences with each dilemma.

2. How many producers do you have in your
LinkedIn Network? 309
<br aria-hidden=”true”>
3. Looking at the list above titled “Increasing Your Perceived Value,”
please tell us your plan for increasing your value in these three time frames:<br aria-hidden=”true”>
<br aria-hidden=”true”>
A. Today (elevating my treatment
to include engaging hooks and conventions of my specialty)
B. In the next 30 days (share my treatment
for feedback with peers/network)
C. In the next 6 months (reach out to producers about my availability for
writing assignments

[Denise Bryant]

I have not been obtained a partner for the producer/writer assignment and am moving forward. If anyone is still available to share treatments, my email is dfbryant234@hotmail.com.

[Denise Bryant]

WA22 – Day 9 – Denise’s Decreased Budget

Doing this assignment allowed me to look at where I can reduce expensive scenes and still get my point across.

MAIN VARIABLES<br aria-hidden=”true”>
– Number of Locations 5
– Expensive locations 1
– Number of characters 8
– Special effects 0
– Number of pages 95
– Crowd scenes 3
– Stunts, Chase scenes, and Fight scenes 0
– Special sets 2
<br aria-hidden=”true”>
SECONDARY VARIABLES<br aria-hidden=”true”>
<br aria-hidden=”true”>
– Rights to music, brands, books, etc. 1
– Explosions and Firearms 0
– Kids — shorter work days, tutor on the set 0
– Animals – need a wrangler, more time to shoot, Humane
Society 0
– Weather — Rain, snow, wind, tornados 0
– Water and underwater scenes 0
– Night scenes 0
– Helicopters, aircraft, drone shots 0
– Green screen work 0
– Extensive Make-up 0
– Archival Footage 1
– Anything else dangerous that increases preparation time
and/or Insurance 0
<br aria-hidden=”true”>
2. With a major scene that depends upon a “high budget variable,”
take it through the process of finding another way to deliver on the dramatic
goal.<br aria-hidden=”true”>
<br aria-hidden=”true”>
1. Tell us about the high budget item in your script that
you are letting go of. People watching federal court hearing of the protagonist’s testimony from their home and office.
<br aria-hidden=”true”>
2. Ask, “What is the dramatic goal am I trying to
accomplish with this scene?” Support
and interest in the protagonist success during a federal hearing.
<br aria-hidden=”true”>
3. Ask, “How can I accomplish the dramatic goal without
the expense?” Use character dialogue
prior to the protagonist’s departure for the hearing.

[Denise Bryant]

Day 8. Denise Writes Great Hope/Fear

Act 1

HOPE: Deborah cashes her check.

THREAT: Masked gunman walks in after her.

FEAR: Deborah will get hurt.

ISOLATION: Store has little visibility to main street. Deborah is the only customer.

DANGER: Gunman nervous as he holds gun to Deborah’s head.

HOPE: Deborah will not be harmed.

FEAR: Store owner won’t give up money and gunman become anxious.

DEATH: Deborah perceived dead when gun goes off and she falls to the floor.

Act 2

FEAR: Deborah may be dead.

HOPE: Deborah is not dead.

LOST: Gunman without a hostage and must think of a new way get money.

UNCERTAINTY: What will gunman and store owner do now that Deborah is down.

HOPE: The gunman runs away.

FEAR: Store owner will be killed.

HOPE: Store owner gives up the money and it ends well.

Act II TP/DEATH: Deborah believed dead when she has an outer body experience

Act 3

UNCERTAINTY: What is happening with Deborah?

FEAR: Her wish to get check cashed to feed family won’t happen.

HOPE: Gunman is caught.

FEAR: Deborah is dead.

HOPE: God takes care of her siblings like she asks.

FEAR: Gunman gets away.

Act 4

HOPE: Deborah does not move before gunman leaves.

FEAR: Store owner causing heightened anger in gunman.

HOPE: Store owner gives gunman the money.

FEAR: Deborah may be wounded.

HOPE: Police don’t arrive which can cause more tension.

FEAR: If police arrive shoot out may occur.

DANGER: Gunman tosses money to gunman and his gun drops in front of Deborah

FEAR: Deborah doesn’t play hero.

RELIEF: Gunman leaves with money, and no one is hurt.

[Denise Bryant]

Revised above

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Denise Bryant. Reason: Duplicate

[Denise Bryant]

Day 7. Denise’s fantastic treatment. What I learned doing this assignment is to pinpoint the the structure and write a concise treatment. I need to elevate it more I think.

Title: The Advocate by Denise F. Bryant

Genre: Drama

Log Line: When her aunt dies from mysterious circumstances in a Detroit nursing home, her devoted niece claims foul play. Administration denies wrongdoing. The Michigan Supreme Court decides. Based upon a true story.

The Advocate is the true story of a fight for justice in the tragic death of Catherine Hunt.

1958. Bakersfield, California. DENISE, age 3, is asleep when her mother ELIZABETH is shot and killed by her drunken gun-toting husband, EDWARD FORD. A young Denise sent to live with her aunt CATHERINE HUNT in Detroit, Michigan.

Decades later, Denise (38) embraces religion and enjoys a close relationship with Catherine (66). Catherine lives in a downtrodden neighborhood. Denise lives separate and works at an office. One day, Denise visits Catherine and finds her semi-conscious from multiple illnesses. Catherine now lives with Denise. She is often disoriented and can no longer be left home alone with the onset of Dementia.

Caregivers are hired to help Catherine during the day, but they don’t always show up. When Denise leaves her office job to care for her aunt full time, they struggle due to limited finances. Soon, a low-blood sugar episode lands Catherine in a hospital and an important decision is made: Denise will return to work while her aunt lives temporarily in Oak Pointe Villa Nursing Center. Denise makes promise to Catherine that she’d take on the whole world if she were harmed.

Catherine receives negligent care at the facility. Denise files several complaints regarding her aunt’s care. One morning, a nurse aide discovers Catherine hanging by the neck from her bed’s railing. Catherine is rushed to the hospital unresponsive and in critical condition. Denise heads to Oak Pointe Villa to confront DIRECTOR MYRTLE, but she’s shocked to find a crime scene guarded by police—Catherine’s room is a blood-spattered mess littered with used needles and gloves. Two days later, Catherine is removed from life support.

As local news reports Catherine’s mysterious death, Denise request Catherine’s files and notice that many of her complaints were not documented. Incensed, Denise creates a new complaint form for nursing facilities in honor of her aunt. When the Department of Health finds no negligence in Catherine’s case, Denise begins a grassroots campaign to bring justice to her aunt’s death and to help prevent others. Denise hires an up-and-coming lawyer who asks her to trust him, but she informs him her trust is in God.

Several investigation roadblocks, refusals to meet, threat of public funding withdrawal, false information, witness tampering, disappearing evidence, and legal battles does not deter Denise’s determination to uncover the truth. The state of Michigan finds the nursing home not at fault in Catherine’s death. Denise seeks the help of her state representative who is successful in having the case reopened at the federal level. The nursing home is found at fault at the federal citing the nursing home to be in noncompliance on several federal regulations that contributed to Catherine’s death.

Denise continues to pursue her complaint form she says was given to her by God in a dream. With the help of other advocates, her dream was fulfilled. The Governor of Michigan signs Denise’s complaint form into law. She win’s her Supreme Court Case. In 2010, the Affordable Care Act is signed into law along with Denise’s complaint form idea and new nursing home regulations.

Years later Denise presents the Catherine Hunt Advocacy Award at the Michigan State Bar Elder Law Conference. Later, she visits Catherine’s grave having fulfilled her promise that if anyone were to hurt her while in the nursing home, she would take on the world.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Denise Bryant. Reason: Revised
• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Denise Bryant. Reason: Submitted incorrect treatment

[Denise Bryant]

DAY 6. Denise’s producer interview.

Synopsis

Title:

The Advocate

By:

Denise Bryant

The Advocate is the true story of a fight for justice in the tragic death of Catherine Hunt.

Catherine lives in a downtrodden neighborhood. Denise lives separate and works at an office. One day, Denise visits Catherine and finds her semi-conscious from multiple illnesses. Catherine now lives with Denise. She is often disoriented and can no longer be left home alone with the onset of Dementia.

Caregivers are hired to help Catherine during the day, but they don’t always show up. When Denise leaves her office job to care for her aunt full time, they struggle due to limited finances. Soon, a low-blood sugar episode lands Catherine in a hospital and an important decision is made: Denise will return to work while her aunt lives temporarily in Oak Pointe Villa Nursing Center. Denise makes promise to Catherine that she’d take on the whole world if she were harmed.

Catherine receives negligent care at the facility. Denise files several complaints regarding her aunt’s care. One morning, a nurse aide discovers Catherine hanging by the neck from her bed’s railing. Catherine is rushed to the hospital unresponsive and in critical condition. Denise heads to Oak Pointe Villa to confront DIRECTOR MYRTLE, but she’s shocked to find a crime scene guarded by police—Catherine’s room is a blood-spattered mess littered with used needles and gloves. Two days later, Catherine is removed from life support.

As local news reports Catherine’s mysterious death, Denise request Catherine’s files and notice that many of her complaints were not documented. Incensed, Denise creates a new complaint form for nursing facilities in honor of her aunt. When the Department of Health finds no negligence in Catherine’s case, Denise begins a grassroots campaign to bring justice to her aunt’s death and to help prevent others. Denise hires an up-and-coming lawyer who asks her to trust him but she informs him her trust is in God.

Several investigation roadblocks, refusals to meet, threat of public funding withdrawal, false information, witness tampering, disappearing evidence, and legal battles does not deter Denise’s determination to uncover the truth.

The Governor of Michigan signs Denise’s complaint form into law. She win’s her Supreme Court Case. In 2010, the Affordable Care Act is signed into law along with Denise’s complaint form idea and new nursing home regulations.

Years later Denise presents the Catherine Hunt Advocacy Award at the Michigan State Bar Elder Law Conference. Later, she visits Catherine’s grave having fulfilled her promise.

Seeking partner for producer interview.

[Denise Bryant]

Hello everyone. I’ve not yet been able to partner on my 10 pages, lesson 5. I thought I had a partner but don’t know what happened. I am still open to partner with someone on lessons 6 and 7. Genre is a legal faith based drama based upon a true story. Any takers?

[Denise Bryant]

Day 5 Writing. Denise’s Drama Writing Plan. What I learned doing this assignment it to make sure my writing sample has the conventions of my genre, and it’s the best 10 pages of the script. Also, there’s always room for stacking.

THE ADVOCATE, a drama, is based upon a true story that is adapted from a book, “Joy in the Fire”. It is the love story between two women, a niece and her aunt. When her aunt becomes to ill to care for herself, Denise moves Catherine into her home to care for her. When she can no longer care for her and finances run low, Denise must return to work and decides to place Catherine in a nearby nursing home. Denise promises Catherine that should any harm to come her, she’d take on the whole world.

The nursing home seemed to be the perfect place for Catherine but Denise soon begin to notice a lack of care with Catherine. One early morning, Catherine is discovered hanging from her bedside rail and later pronounced dead due to asphyxiation.

Denise wants the truth but nursing home directors and the owners wants to hide it and they claim no foul. Denise discovers that her many complaints went undocumented and she designed a form to help tract abuse that she wants implemented. In the meanwhile, the Michigan Supreme Court hears the matter and determines if the nursing home was at fault. Denise fulfills her promise to Catherine and takes on the entire United States.

FADE IN

ONSCREEN TEXT: DETROIT, MICHIGAN

EXT: CATHERINE’S HOUSE – DAY

Brick 2-story house, slightly worn, metal bars surround the front windows. Wooden stairs lead to the wooden porch that is crooked.

Denise (40s, looks 25, petite, professional, outspoken, religious, inpatient) in business attire and high heels, drives up, parks, exits a vehicle, and walks onto the front porch.

Rings doorbell…No answer. Rings again…No Answer. Looks through barred window.

SEES Catherine(65, black female, frail) on floor propped against wall, who slips in and out of consciousness.

Denise frantically bangs on the metal surrounding the windows, then the door. Looks through window again. SEES Catherine moving. She tries to kick door in. Hands trembling, removes cell phone from purse to call her AUNT THELMA (68, African-American, stout) Catherine’s sister.

DENISE

(on telephone, frantic)

Aunt Thelma, this Denise. I’m at auntie’s house. She’s on the floor. I can’t get in. Please come!

As Denise continues to bang on the window, Thelma(arrives and quickly unlocks door. They rush in.

INT: LIVING ROOM

DENISE

Auntie. You okay? What happened?

CATHERINE

(winded)

Been sick. Weak, lost my balance and fell. Couldn’t get up.

DENISE

You’re moving in with me.

INT: DENISE’S HOUSE, KITCHEN – DAY

Early morning. Denise in business attire as she and Catherine finish breakfast. Denise clears table and gives Catherine a diabetic pill and glass of water. Denise is in a hurry for work.

DENISE

Gotta go. You need anything?

CATHERINE

Yes. A penny’s worth of dimes.

DENISE

(chuckles)

See you later alligator.

CATHERINE

After while crocodile.

INT: CATHERINE’S BEDROOM – LATER

Catherine sits in front of television looking at a game show. The bedroom door closed. She suddenly arise and is disoriented. She turns back and forth in panic looking for a way out. Opens closet door…looks around…opens bedroom door. She exits.

INT: KITCHEN

Catherine, still disoriented, enters. She opens and closes all cabinet doors. Opens silverware drawer, picks up knife and puts it back. Drawer is left slightly open. Fumbles with gas knobs…leaves one slightly turned. She exits.

INT: LIVING ROOM

Denise returns home from work and enters through front door.

DENISE

It’s me auntie!

INT: CATHERINE’S BEDROOM

Denise enters. Catherine acknowledges with a smile and turns her attention back to the television game show.

DENISE

How was your day? You hungry?

CATHERINE

Good. Yes, famished.

INT: KITCHEN – LATER

Denise fills a pot with water and places it on stove. She SEES gas knob turned. SEES other knobs in tack. SEES drawer ajar. Her eyes shifts back and forth and eyebrows are squinched. She is confused about what she observes. She closes the drawer and exits.

INT: CATHERINE’S BEDROOM – LATER

Denise enters.

DENISE

Auntie, we’re you trying to do something in the kitchen?

CATHERINE

Been in room all day.

Denise stretches her eyebrows in amazement at Catherine’s reply.

INT: KITCHEN – DAY

Next morning. Denise removes knobs from stove and puts them into her nearby purse.

INT: CATHERINE’S BEDROOM – LATER

Catherine looks at television. Denise enters.

DENISE

Gotta go. You need anything?

CATHERINE

Yes.

DENISE AND CATHERINE

(together)

A penny’s worth of dimes.

DENISE

See you later.

CATHERINE

Not if I see you first.

Denise exits. We hear the front door close.

INT: CATHERINE’S BEDROOM – LATER

Catherine looks at television. Fidgets with clothes. She appears confused. She exits.

INT: LIVING ROOM – SAME

Catherine looks out window then struggles to opens front door before opening. Struggles to open screen door…can’t. She walks away and leaves front door ajar.

EXT: DENISE’S HOUSE, FRONT PORCH – LATER

Late afternoon. Denise opens the screen door and SEES front door ajar. She gasps, eyes stretched wide, mouth ajar and rushes in.

INT: LIVING ROOM

DENISE

(fearful)

Auntie!

INT: CATHERINE’S BEDROOM

Denise enters breathless. Catherine’s reading a book.

CATHERINE

(thrilled)

Hello dearie.

DENISE

(deep sigh)

The front door was open. Did you open it?

CATHERINE

(baffled)

Been in my room.

INT: DENISE’S WORK OFFICE – DAY

Denise sits at desk, dials telephone to call DR. JAMES, Catherine’s physician

DENISE

(on telephone)

Doctor James, this Ms. Hunt’s niece, Denise. I had to remove knobs on my stove. The front door was open when I returned from work.

She doesn’t remember any of it. It’s scary.

DOCTOR (V.O.)

(on telephone)

It’s the early onset of dementia. Gets worse. She shouldn’t be left alone.

DENISE

But I must work and need help.

DOCTOR

I’ll put in an order for home care. The nurse will put you in contact with a social worker.

DENISE

Thanks.

INT: CATHERINE’S BEDROOM – DAY

Early morning. A home nurse (MS. HERTZ, white female 40) and social worker (MS. WALKER, black female, 35) assess Catherine’s needs with Denise.

MS. WALKER

Ms. Hunt, I am Ms. Walker, a social worker. This is Ms. Hertz, the nurse who will be visiting you once a week. We’re here to help your niece get the care you need.

MS. HERTZ

Hello Ms. Hunt. It’s good to see you. May I listen to your heart?

CATHERINE

It’s till beating.

Denise and Ms. Walker softly talk to the side while Ms. Hertz continues to examine Catherine.

DENISE

She has both Medicaid and Medicare. Can someone come in to help?

MS. WALKER

We can make arrangements for up to four hours, three times weekly.

DENISE

I need someone daily.

MS. WALKER

You will have to make private arrangements outside of those times.

Denise looks exasperated and takes a deep breath. She peers around Ms. Walker at Catherine and Ms. Hertz who approaches her.

MS. HERTZ

(to Denise)

We’re all done. Ms. Walker and I will get together and do what we can to help you care for your aunt. Here’s my card. Call me if you need anything.

(to Catherine)

Ms. Hunt, take care. I will see you next week.

MS. WALKER

(to Denise)

Here’s a brochure with my card.

DENISE

Thank you both.

INT: DENISE’S HOUSE – DAY

Denise meets with a DEBORAH (female 26, health care worker), then shows her around the kitchen, bathroom, and laundry room. They go to…

INT: CATHERINE’S BEDROOM

Catherine’s sits watching television. Denise introduces Deborah to Catherine.

DENISE

Auntie. This is Deborah who will help take care of you a few days a week.

DEBORAH

Good to meet you Ms. Hunt.

Catherine’s eyes shift between Deborah and Denise.

CATHERINE

Nice to meet you too.

DENISE

So you’ll be here Monday, Wednesday, and Friday between 7:00 and 7:30 a.m.

DEBORAH

Yes.

INT: DENISE’S HOUSE – DAY

Early morning. Denise, dressed in business attire, sits waiting. Clock reads 9:00. She dials cell to call Deborah. No answer. She changes into comfortable clothing and perform the daily care of Catherine.

INT: DENISE’S OFFICE – LATER

Denise places her personal belongings into a banker’s box. A female COWORKER enters with an expression of sadness and they hug. Denise exits. It’s obvious she has quit.

INT: CATHERINE’S BEDROOM – LATER

Denise tucks Catherine into bed and kisses her goodnight.

INT: KITCHEN TABLE – DAY

Denise, overwhelmingly looks through a stack of bills. She looks through the near bare cabinets and refrigerator. She removes her wallet from her purse which shows a small amount of cash. Denise breaths deep as she grabs her car keys. Television is overheard in the background.

DENISE

(yells)

Auntie, I’m going to get grocery. I’ll be back shortly.

She exits.

INT: CATHERINE’S BEDROOM – LATER

Catherine gets out of bed, falls and can’t get up.

INT: LIVING ROOM – LATER

Denise enters through front door with grocery.

INT: KITCHEN – DAY

Denise puts up grocery. She slices an orange on a plate, and exits. Television from Catherine’s room is overheard.

INT: CATHERINE’S BEDROOM – DAY

Denise enters. SEES Catherine on floor. Drops plate. Struggles to lift Catherine, who is like dead weight, from floor onto bed. Catherine’s slacks are soiled. Denise takes Catherine blood sugar count and reads the meter. Catherine can barely keep eyes open. Denise dials 911 from her cell.

OPERATOR (V.O.)

(on telephone)

What is your emergency?

INT: CATHERINE’S BEDROOM – DAY

Days later. Catherine lay in a Durable Medical Equipment (DME) hospital bed. Denise kisses her forehead. Catherine smiles.

DENISE

(apologetic)

Auntie, I have to go back to work, and can’t leave you here alone.

I’m sorry, but I have to put you in a nursing care center.

Catherine says nothing and looks off to the side not happy about the news.

DENISE

Just until the bills get caught up, and I find someone to care for you.

CATHERINE

Will they be nice?

DENISE

They’d better. If anyone were to hurt you, I’d take on the world.

EXT: NURSING HOME – DAY

Denise opens entrance door for Catherine who uses a walker.

INT: OFFICE – DAY

Denise and Catherine meet with the DIRECTOR, MS. MYRTLE (African-American female, mid 30s, business like, pleasant but inter-personally disconnected). Denise signs papers.

INT: NURSING HOME, CATHERINE’S ROOM – DAY

Several days later. Semi-private room, made to look like home. Denise stands behind Catherine who sits looking out window at passing cars and patrons.

DENISE

(gleeful)

Well, look at that view. Aren’t you special.

CATHERINE

You just finding that out?

Denise chuckles and rolls her eyes upwards. She is not surprised at Catherine’s response.

INT: CATERINE’S ROOM – DAY

Early evening. Denise, dressed in business attire, enters. Catherine relaxes in a lounge chair.

DENISE

How are you today?

CATHERINE

Thirsty and my feet hurt.

Denise examines Catherine’s ankles and feet which are swollen. Denise removes her shoes and we see a small sore on top one foot. Denise massages Catherine feet. She then lifts the small water pitcher from the nightstand which is empty. She shakes it.

CATHERINE

It’s always empty.

Denise’s eyebrows squinches at the news and she exits with the water pitcher.

DENISE

I’ll fill it for you.

INT: MS. MYRTLE’S OFFICE – LATER

A tense conversation takes place between Denise and Ms. Myrtle.

DENISE

Would you ask the doctor to check her feet? Her feet and ankles are swollen and she has a sore on top her foot. She is diabetic. I have brought this to your attention previously and the doctor has yet to respond.

MS. MYRTLE

I will contact him again.

DENISE

I demand he look at her right away. I’d like to telephone him. What is his number?

MS. MYRTLE

Ms. Bryant. I will make sure he looks at her.

DENISE

I need to speak with him. I have made numerous complaints regarding her care! This is not the place I thought it was.

MS. MYRTLE

We do have monthly care meetings.

DENISE

And, I’ve not missed one!

MS. MYRTLE

The doctor is on call. He or myself will call you first thing in the morning. I promise.

INT: CATHERINE’S ROOM – DAY

Next day. Early morning, 7 o’clock. Sun shines through blinds. Curtain drawn around Catherine’s bed. A Certified Nursing Assistant (CENA) enters and opens blinds. She turns and SEES Catherine’s feet on floor from beneath the bed curtain. She approaches with caution and pulls back the curtain. Catherine hangs by her neck from the bed side rail. CENA gasps, puts hands across her mouth, eyes stretched wide and runs out.

I am ready to team up with someone for exchange.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by  Denise Bryant.

[Denise Bryant]

Day 4. Denise’s Business Decisions. What I learned doing this assignment is to look at my script for areas of improvement.

1. Give us the decisions that are in your current High Budget script:

<div>
Genre: Drama</div><div>

Title: THE
ADVOCATE

Concept: When
Denise’s beloved aunt dies a mysterious death in a nursing
home she faults the owner and wants the truth, but he claims no
foul. The Michigan Supreme Court decides. Based upon a true story. Book adaptation, “Joy in the Fire”.

Audience 25+,
elder attorneys, state ombudsman, medical workers,
long term care advocates, those with
family in long term
facilities,
long-term care employees.

Budget: $8
to $15 million

Lead Characters Female
(age 40)

Supporting
(Female age 66)

Male
(age 48)

Ensemble
Cast

Journey / Character Arc:

Denise
not expecting to care for aunt but does.

Denise
can no longer care for aunt and places her in a
nursing
home with promise to defend against any harm.

Denise
fulfills her promise after her aunt’s death.

Opening:

</div>

Denise pays a visit and discovers Catherine home alone and unconscious on the floor. Denise is unable to gain entrance and panics. She tries to kick in door but no luck. The windows are metal barred. She yells and bang on windows and door to get a response from Catherine. Catherine goes in and out of consciousness. Denise phones a relative with a key who arrives within minutes to unlock the door. They rush to Catherine’s aid and discover Catherine has succumb to various illnesses. Denise moves Catherine into her home for care. After a while, Denise can no longer care for Catherine and places her into a nursing home with promise that should anything happen to her, she would take on the world.

Ending:

Denise has fulfilled her promise to Catherine to take on the world if she was harmed. Her defense of Catherine’s death resulted in legalization of the complaint form to which God gave vision, a Michigan Supreme Court victory, and her idea of the complaint form included in the Affordable Care Act. Denise receives accolades from the elder law legal arena, the state’s ombudsmen, and lay persons. She visits Catherine’s grave site saying she has avenged her death by keeping her promise.

2. Tell us which of those decisions you could improve to make your script more marketable.

I could improve them all because there is always room for it.

3. Answer the question “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

[Denise Bryant]

Denise’s Key Business Decisions.

I have to catch up on this assignment.

[Denise Bryant]

WA22 – DAY 3, Denise’s Movie Outline – Drama Conventions.

What I learned most of all doing this assignment are the conventions that make up drama. It has allowed me to apply them in my writing.

Genre: Drama
Title: Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Always
How it delivered on the genre conventions:

Purpose: It is an emotional journey regarding fear of pregnancy and abortion.

Character-driven journey – Powerful. The story focused on the character’s internal journey with her pregnancy and desire to abort her unborn child.

High Stakes: The story delivered on the character’s internal high stakes rather than external. The movie focused entirely on the character’s internal stakes to reach her goal.

Emotionally Resonates: Her fear of pregnancy, the journey to achieve her goal, and the revealed backstory of abuse.

Challenging, emotionally- charged situations: The character trying to bring about abortion by abusing herself, going to every extreme to fulfil her goal (spending her last dime, hunger, and no rest)

Opening scenes: Her home, school and work environment.

Puking in toilet while at work.

Sought free pregnancy testing.

Discovered she is pregnant.

Trouble with seeking abortion assistance. Thought she had one, but…

Agency could not deliver.

Would not listen to outside voices encouraging adoption rather than abortion.

Having to travel out of state for procedure.

Expecting a one-day get it done, return home.

The procedure is a two-day procedure. Once started, she had to complete or face severe setbacks.

She and best friend separate while in New York.

She finds her friend and they reunite.

No changing her mind once procedure started.

Had the abortion.

Set out to return home. She achieved her goal.

This story met all the conventions of drama. It is grounded in reality.

[Denise Bryant]

I am ready to exchange my outline.

[Denise Bryant]

Denise Bryant,

I agree to the terms of this release agreement.

1. Your name.

2. The words “I agree to the terms of this release form.”

3. Please leave the entire text below to confirm what you agree to.

OR

NOT AGREE, in which case, you hit “Reply to this topic” and type in the words “I’ll do the class privately.”

If you agree to the terms of the release form, then you can post your assignments into the group and your cohort can give feedback on them.

Also, if you don’t agree to this group confidentiality agreement, you’ll still need to sign an agreement that says you will keep the strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Denise Bryant]

WA22 – Day 2. Denise credibility is going up!

1. Writing Sample – Screenplay (Working on a Treatment).

Delivers on the Genre and Business Decisions (Developing a Pitch/Slide Deck)

2. No screenwriting accomplishments yet.

3. Google factor (my book comes up and twitter associated with professionals.

4. My LinkedIn Network Producer connections (210).

Connected to connections (don’t know)

5. Pro-Series Course at Screenwriting U. ScreenwritingU Rewrite and many others.

6. Borrowed credibility (working with a producer, connected to a star)

7. IMDB Credits (None)

8. Other forms of credibility (my novel and the IP rights from another author)

I will complete my writing sample within the next couple of days.

I will complete my Pitch/Slide Deck in one week.

I will enter my screenplay in competitions by year end.

I will continue to seek getting my scrips optioned.

I will investigate increasing my Google factor.

I will continue to increase my producer connections.

I will develop more borrowed credibility

I am searching for acting roles that provide credits.

I have a published novel and own the IP rights from another author.

[Denise Bryant]

Day 9. Denise’s Budget. What I learned doing this assignment is to look at all the variables that make up a budget and decide which ones would make my project more marketable.

Main

Number
of Locations (1)
Expensive
locations (none)
Number
of characters (3)
Special
effects (1)
Number
of pages (30)
Crowd
scenes ( none)
Stunts,
Chase scenes, and Fight scenes
(none)
Special
sets (grocery store)

Secondary Variables

Rights
to music, brands, books, etc.
Explosions
and Firearm
Kids
— shorter work days, tutor on the set
Animals
– need a wrangler, more time to shoot, Humane Society
Weather
— Rain, snow, wind, tornados.
Water
and underwater scenes
Night
scenes
Helicopters,
aircraft, drone shots
Green
screen work
Extensive
Make-up
Archival
Footage
Anything
else dangerous that increases preparation time and/or Insurance.

If my budget were quadrupled, I would add:

Night scene

More characters (crowd scene)

Firearms

Rights to music

Green screen work

[Denise Bryant]

Denise Bryant.

I have two completed scripts. A legal drama: THE ADVOCATE, based upon a true story. Book Adaptation. I have not looked at budget but will say $5-10 million. I have not looked at comps. Did a rewrite after taking SU’s rewriting course. Getting ready to do a third draft after taking and learning from the recent pro series, FEARLESS WRITING.

And a drama: AN UNEXPECTED GIFT. $1-5 million which came out of the Fearless Writing class.

What I learned from the opening teleconference are the three types of writing assignments, basic steps of writing assignments, and the audition. My favorite is the types of writing assignments which offers a wide range of options.

[Denise Bryant]

I agree to the terms of this release agreement.

[Denise Bryant]

I agree to the terms of the confidentiality agreement.

Denise F. Bryant

[Denise Bryant]

Day 8. Denise Writes Great Hope/Fear

Act 1

HOPE: Deborah cashes her check.

THREAT: Masked gunman walks in after her.

FEAR: Deborah will get hurt.

ISOLATION: Store has little visibility to main street. Deborah is the only customer.

DANGER: Gunman nervous as he holds gun to Deborah’s head.

HOPE: Deborah will not be harmed.

FEAR: Storeowner won’t give up money and gunman become anxious.

DEATH: Deborah perceived dead when gun goes off and she falls to the floor.

Act 2

FEAR: Deborah may be dead.

HOPE: Deborah is not dead.

LOST: Gunman without a hostage and must think of a new way get money.

UNCERTAINTY: What will gunman and store owner do now that Deborah is down.

HOPE: The gunman runs away.

FEAR: Store owner will be killed.

HOPE: Store owner gives up the money and it ends well.

Act II TP/DEATH: Deborah believed dead when she has an outer body experience

Act 3

UNCERTAINTY: What is happening with Deborah?

FEAR: Her wish to get check cashed to feed family won’t happen.

HOPE: Gunman is caught.

FEAR: Deborah is dead.

HOPE: God takes care of her siblings like she asks.

FEAR: Gunman gets away.

Act 4

HOPE: Deborah does not move before gunman leaves.

FEAR: Store owner causing heightned anger in gunman.

HOPE: Store owner gives gunman the money.

FEAR: Deborah may be wounded.

HOPE: Police don’t arrive which can cause more tension.

FEAR: If police arrive shoot out may occur.

DANGER: Gunman tosses money to gunman and his gun drops in front of Deborah

FEAR: Deborah doesn’t play hero.

RELIEF: Gunman leaves with money, and no one is hurt.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by  Denise Bryant.

[Denise Bryant]

Posted on wrong forum. Do not see edit icon.

[Denise Bryant]

Day 7. Denise’s 4 Act Structure. What I learned doing this assignment is to examine the structure to see if the story moves forward as well as examine the story’s conflict throughout.

Concept: A teen believed killed by a gunman encounters God who gives her a second chance at life.

Main Conflict: Antagonist holds Protagonist at gunpoint during a heist.

Act 1:

Opening: Deborah arrives at grocery store to cash her check and buy grocery

Inciting Incident: Gunman holds her hostage inside store in demand for money from owner.

Turning Point: Guns goes off, Deborah falls to floor.

Act 2:

New Plan: Antagonist is without a hostage.

Plan in action: He threatens to break through plexiglass.

Midpoint Turning Point: Deborah has an outer body encounter with God.

Act 3:

Rethink everything: Deborah must now decide what to do.

New Plan: Deborah boldly asks God to take care of her family if he’s taking her.

Turning point: Deborah is returned to her body.

Act 4:

Final Plan: Deborah realizes she has been given a second chance but keeps it to herself.

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Gunman leaves with money. Deborah is not dead or wounded.

Resolution: Deborah leaves and gets her check cashed elsewhere to buy grocery for her siblings.

[Denise Bryant]

Day 6. Denise delivering multiple layers. What I learned doing this assignment is to take the audience deeper beneath the surface of the plot, character, and location.

Plot:

Major Scheme Revealed: To trap robbers.

Thought it was one thing, but it is another: A normal grocery store.

Hidden plan: Use counting money as bait.

Characters:

Deborah

Hidden Character History: Attempted sex in exchange for money but couldn’t.

Mr. Green

Hidden Character History: Retired Criminal Prosecutor.

Adrias:

Hidden Character History: Drug user and homelessness.

Hidden relationships and conspiracies: Angry with parents and life.

Location:

Surface Layer: Grocery Store

Beneath That: Draw for robbers

How Revealed: Counting money in open behind plexiglass cage

[Denise Bryant]

Day 5: Denise’s Character Journey.

What I learned doing this assignment is to add structure to the character’s journey and see its fit for the story.

1. What role does this character play in the concept?

2. What is the beginning and ending of this character’s journey?

Beginning:
How they are introduced to the audience.
Ending:
How they “go out” in this movie.

3. Design that into a 3-Act Structure for this character. What are the turning points of this character’s journey?

With those answers, simply fill in the blanks.

Deborah’s Character Journey

Beginning: Deborah doesn’t go to church but is curious about God especially since she is left with the responsibility to care for her younger siblings after her parents divorced and left them. She has just received her first paycheck. She goes to the neighborhood grocery store to cash it and buy food.

Turning Point: Deborah is at the money booth to cash her check when a gunman enters, puts gun to her head, and demands money from the store manager.

Midpoint: Denise is afraid the panicked gunman will lose control of his finger that’s on the trigger. She convinces gunman to allow her to get down onto floor because she wants to get out of the middle of the conflict between the two.

Turning Point 2: Deborah hears the gunshot and blacks out. She believes she’s dead and has an encounter with God.

Dilemma: Deborah thinks it’s the end for her but is still concerned about leaving her siblings. She doesn’t know what to do and asks God for his help.

3rd Act Climax: Deborah is returned from the presence of God. No evidence of a gunshot wound. She continues to care for her siblings and returns to college.

Ending: She gives her life to Christ.

Mr. Green’s Character Journey

Beginning: Mr. Green is a sole proprietor who manages his grocery store alone. He is conducting his weekly accounting of earnings behind a bullet proof booth and bags the cash for a bank deposit. He is very protective of his earnings.

Turning Point: Deborah enters wanting to cash her check. Gunman follows and puts gun to Deborah’s head demanding the cash. Mr. Green knows he is protected behind his bullet proof booth and mocks the gunman’s request for money.

Midpoint: Mr. Green refuses to give gunman money but is concerned about Deborah. He demands the gunman leave and calls the police.

Turning Point 2: Gunman fires gun and Mr. Green sees Deborah fall.

Dilemma: Mr. Green doesn’t know what to do. Does he keep the money or give it to the gunman so that he will leave, and Deborah can be spared if not already dead.

3^rd Act Climax: Mr. Green learned that life is more important than money and thanks God for sparing Deborah.

Ending: His business thrives again.

Adrias Character Journey:

Beginning: Adrias is frustrated about how his life has turned out. He is tired of dead ends attempts to salvage his life that has only taken him further away from the life he desires.

Turning Point: Adrias struggling to keep a roof over his head has just received an eviction notice. He can’t imagine a life of homelessness again.

Midpoint: Adrias has knowledge about Mr. Green’s weekly deposits and heads to the store to rob him. He sees Deborah at the front of the store and puts gun to her head to threaten Mr. Green to hand over the money.

Turning Point 2: Adrias fear takes over and he fires his weapon. Deborah falls to the floor.

Dilemma: What’s does he do now that Deborah is no longer a viable hostage. Does he leave without the money and face his homelessness, or does he take a chance of being caught by the police if he remains?

3^rd Act Climax: Adrias gets away with the money, pays his rent. His life gets back on track, and he secretly sends money to Mr. Green once monthly paying back the amount he robbed.

[Denise Bryant]

Day 4: Denise’s Character Depth.

What I learned doing this assignment is tot look at the unique and complex relationship between the main characters such as who they are, what they want, and their purpose. They all want the same thing for different reasons.

Deborah’s Character Depth

Character: Deborah is a teen left to care for her younger siblings after parents leave home.

Secret: Rejects going to church but is secretly curious about God.

Wound: Left to raise her siblings.

Motivation: Doesn’t want siblings lost to the streets but she is all they have.

Dilemma: Caring for her siblings versus looking out only for herself.

Conspiracy: None

Secret Identity: Wants to attend college but life has halted her attempt.

Layers: Wants the American Dream.

Store Owner’s Character Depth

Character: Mr. Green is a middle-age sole proprietor struggling to keep his business afloat.

Secret: Financial problems that threatens closure.

Wound: Once a thriving business but difficulty managing business after community decline.

Motivation: Wants to retire but needs to work.

Dilemma: Turn over money to gunman versus having to recover from a financial loss.

Secret Identity: The store is all he has. It keeps him alive.

Conspiracy: None

Layers: Has the American Dream but struggling.

Gunman’s Character Depth

Character: Adrias is a 25-year-old male who has tried to live honestly but the odds are against him.

Secret: High school dropout.

Motivation: Wants a normal life but needs help to have one.

Wound: Had a rough life. Father in jail, mother abandoned him during teenage years.

Hidden Agenda: Robbing the store for cash.

Dilemma: Conduct a heist versus homelessness or jail.

Secret Identity: Down on his luck.

Layers: Angry at life due to being left alone. Payback. Lost hope of the American Dream.

Conspiracy: None

[Denise Bryant]

I agree to the terms of the confidentiality agreement.

[Denise Bryant]

DAY 3: Denise’s Right Characters

Protagonist. Teen struggling as an independent college student. Works retail first job, first paycheck. Self-reliant but needs help. Inner city resident.

Antagonist. Young male struggling to make a living absent an education to attain one. Works by robbing stores. Inner city resident.

ASSIGNMENT

Compare your concept to your lead characters to find unique ways for them to fulfill the concept.

Think
about your Concept Hook and Contained Setting.

You wanted money for your check. A gunman wanted money without one. Bang!

Contained setting. Grocery store check cashing booth.

With
each of your main characters, how can they uniquely fit with the Hook?

Hostage situation.

Thinking
about the conflict that hook creates, how does each main character enhance
or cause that conflict?

Main character was only person standing between gunman and money booth. They both wanted money. Main character wanted it honestly. Gunman wanted it crookedly.

Tell
us what makes these characters the “right ones” for this story?

Neither one knows the other. They both wanted the same thing. They were in the same place at the same time. Main character had no power. Gunman had all the power.

Answer
the question “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and
put it at the top of your work.

I learned to look at the unique and complex relationship between the main characters.

Post
your assignment in the forums at
https://www.screenwritingclasses.com/forums/

Subject line: (Your name’s) Right Characters!

Deadline: 48 hours

[Denise Bryant]

Day 2. Denise’s Great Hook. This process allowed me to brainstorm different concepts with different protagonists and antagonists. I learned that I am not bound to just one idea.

[Denise Bryant]

Day 2. Denise’s Great Hook. This process allowed me to brainstorm
different concepts with different protagonists and antagonists. I
learned that I am not bound to just one idea.

[Denise Bryant]

Denise Bryant, Lesson 1. Guidelines for “Going in Style”

What I learned doing this assignment is that a lot of cast members and locations can be expensive by requiring many staff, permits, pay, and lack of social distancing.

People – Three main characters and several supporting characters. Lots of locations

Stunts – Walking along the teller’s stations.

Extras – Lots and lots.

Wardrobe – Too many changes to count

Hair and Make up – Few changes

Kids and Animals – Lots of children, one puppy

Quarantine – no

COVID GUIDELINE VERSION

People – Three main characters. Two locations made to seem like three

Stunts – few

Extras – Can eliminate except for a few.

Wardrobe – Two changes

Hair and Make up – One change

Kids and Animals – Eliminate

Quarntine – Not sure

[Denise Bryant]

I agree to these terms.

[Denise Bryant]

Hi everyone. My name is Denise Bryant. I’ve written 2 scripts and am looking forward to this course to write a contained script. Something unexplained-played softball for over 20 years but never liked watching if not participating.

[Denise Bryant]

Denise Bryant 2 scripts. Looking forward to writing an awesome contained movie script.

[Denise Bryant]

Denise Bryant, Lesson 2, Applying Subtext Environment

Simply ask these questions and see what answers come up.

A. What is the deeper meaning of my story?

Main character dislikes children and wants nothing to do with them.

B. What environment can deliver that deeper meaning?

An environment that does not include any aspect of children.

C. How can these subtext environments act as part of
the deeper meaning?

They can communicate a life absent of children or its avoidance.

Two subtext environments.

1. Main Character’s apartment. Void of any photos of young family members. No photos of their own childhood. Expensive delicate glassworks. Pristine.

2. Main Character avoidance of environments with children but when face with them quickly leaves.

[Denise Bryant]

Denise Bryant, Lesson 1, Applying Plot Subtext. What I learned doing this assignment is to flush out the deeper meaning of the surface subtext. (April 4, 2021)

Simply ask these questions and see what answers come up. Keep

1. What is the surface of your story / plot?

Deloris search for answers to her aunt’s mysterious death in a nursing home.

2. What is beneath that surface that changes the meaning of the plot or is a major twist?

She learns her aunt’s death was preventable and is being covered up.

3. What deeper meaning is either hidden or covert?

She’s angry because her mother was killed when she was a child and she never learned the details.

In the first scene, Deloris’ aunt is found hanging from her bedside rail and ends up in the hospital on life support.

The nursing home never notified Deloris’ about her aunt. Instead, hospital critical care representative notified her.

Deloris learns her aunt’s death was preventable and was covered up to reveal the truth.

Her aunt dies, and throughout the story Deloris takes part in a grassroots campaign to bring about change in nursing homes.

Deloris advocates for a standardized complaint form she developed fighting for it inclusion in public policy law as well as challenges a Supreme Court case establishing precedent for her claim of negligence.

In the end, Deloris wins getting her complaint form signed into law, wins her Supreme Court case and her form is included as a required standard for every state in a U.S. major health care reform Bill.

[Denise Bryant]

Hi Fran,

Feel free to go ahead and send me your script. I am waiting for my feedback. I will look at yours while waiting. My email is dfbryant234@hotmail.com

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  Denise Bryant.

[Denise Bryant]

Hi Fran.

Have you exchanged with anyone yet? I am in an exchange now and didn’t see replies for you.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  Denise Bryant.

[Denise Bryant]

I just saw this Fran. I am in an exchange now and would be willing for my next one if you would still be interested.

[Denise Bryant]

Thanks, Charles.

Sending now.

[Denise Bryant]

Hi Charles,

Checking to see if you are ready for your next feedback. I am ready to exchange draft 3.

[Denise Bryant]

Sounds great, Charles. Looking forward to it.

[Denise Bryant]

Sending now.

[Denise Bryant]

Hi Charles,

I have a drama, political based upon a true story. I am waiting to hear back from Lori regarding my second draft. I should know something today. I would be willing to exchange feedback but don’t want to hold you up if you are able to get someone right away. If you are, I would be delighted to exchange with you for your second draft.

[Denise Bryant]

I am ready Lori. Is your email the same as last year at comcast?

[Denise Bryant]

Hi Lori, can we exchange sometime between the 2nd and 3rd exchange? My script is a Political Drama with faith-based scenes.

[Denise Bryant]

Monica, would you like to exchange with me?

[Denise Bryant]

Hi Monica, I will submit mine after the class today. I am willing to exchange with you if you are interested—Denise

[Denise Bryant]

Hi Amy, I have a drama and will exchange notes with you.

[Denise Bryant]

Hi Jim. I have a drama that is faith based as well. I’d be more than happy to exchange notes. My email is dfbryant234@hotmail.com

[Denise Bryant]

dfbryant234@hotmail.com