[Diana Black]

Thriller 99_ Diana T. Black_ “What I learned doing this assignment is it’s okay not to have all the answers at this point in time, but I do think one has to have a really strong fascinating core/compelling central idea in order to sustain the narrative – as a base AND that the narrative needs to be highly marketable.

Title:
One-Way Ticket

Logline:
In an effort to control over-population, one-way time machines are now on every street corner with people vanishing even when they don’t choose to “go,” compelling a computer geek to sabotage the system to retrieve his girlfriend.

Conventions:
Unwitting but resourceful Hero – Andrew (26) sweet-natured, and talented computer geek in love with his girlfriend Lucy (24) a graphic designer for Video Games.
Dangerous Villian – Vieslik (54) ambitious, greedy, no empathy for others – reducing the population to lower the societal debt burden and siphon the funds saved from social welfare to line his own pockets
High stakes – When Lucy disappears in front of Andrew’s eyes without using a one-way time machine, he risks his life by hacking into the system (risking being considered by the authorities as a “dissenter”) – to try and rescue her. He has to act fast with a person’s location/destination traceable for only 48 hours before being scrubbed from the archives.
Life and Death situations – Lucy was transported against her will and could be in serious danger – she wasn’t “prepared” via the one-way machine. Andrew risks being “banished” (executed) by the authorities if his hacking the system is detected and when going into the past to find her, risks being trapped forever in the past.
This story is thrilling because – no one knows who’s going to disappear next, who is behind it, whether Andrew will rescue Lucy and both get back to the present, or whether they’ll be caught by the authorities.
The Big M.I.S.
Big Mystery – who ‘s behind the disappearances of those who’ve not volunteered to go into the past? Secondarily, what happens to them when they do go back? Do they actually go back?
Big Intrigue – there’s an underworld where people can pay (very expensive) to get rid of someone they don’t like or have them go in their place with there being an “end-of-life-date” for everyone which is 60 years of age – who is running this clandestine operation – one person, the authorities, A.I.?
Big Suspense – can Andrew successfully travel into the past? If he does go into the past, will he find Lucy? Will she want to return? Will Andrew will get caught for hacking into the system? He if does, can he escape “banishment” i.e. execution? Once he identifies the Villain, is he a match for the Villain i.e. powerful enough to survive his adversary? What sort of future will they face if and when they do come back to the present? Will she want to go back with him? If she doesn’t where do they go? (Things are not great in the past – in some areas, brutal and mean-spirited with only a few places offering sanctuary.

[Diana Black]

I agree to the terms of this release form.

[Diana Black]

Assignment

Diana T. Black _ Fantastic Treatment

What I learned doing this assignment is to structure the Treatment and incorporate the KBD and Max Interest Techniques to make it a fast, short, enjoyable read…a great exercise in brevity. However, a lot of the layering to the screenplay is lost in this version of the Treatment (it’s been saved for the actual writing of the screenplay).

Working Title: “Eryn’s Law” …inspired by True Events…

Genre: Drama

LL: When a dying Grandmother tasks her botanist granddaughter with the mission to save their ancient forest, it puts the young Botanist in danger of a Land Developer on a mission of
personal revenge against her family.

Theme: Laws may be transient, but pledges of the heart last forever.

Opening:

SERENA grew up with her Grandmother – ERYN, in a humble cottage on the outskirts of their village, close to “The Great Forest.” Eryn knows every tree by name. Along with the VILLAGE WOMEN, she guards the trees. Serena, influenced by Eryn’s love of the forest, has recently graduated as a Botanist/Ecologist, majoring in Ecological Sustainability. She met TRAVIS and they seem a perfect match with him graduating as an Environmental Lawyer. Together, they’re determined to do what they can for the environment.

Inciting Incident

Serena lands a position as an “Educational Program Coordinator” at the newly-established Ecology Tourism Center on the outskirts of this forest. The Center is a “red flag” for Eryn and the Village Women when they discover the forest’s land has been re-zoned without consultation. It no longer has “National Park” status but deemed “multi-purpose.” Secretly, the local Forestry Department has sold off a portion of this forest to an anonymous Land Developer (ARMAND) who’s eager to build a five-star International Eco-Resort. His Lawyers have promised forty percent of the profits from the Resort will go into “managing” the remaining forest and the MEN of the village will be offered jobs and farmland. Serena at the behest of Eryn and the Village Women, investigates the Forestry Department’s rezoning of the forest.

1^st Act Turning Point

Armand arrives in the village disguised as an experienced Environmentalist, siding with the Women. He befriends Serena and Travis and offers his investigative expertise. He concludes the rezoning is unfortunate but legal. Armand avoids meeting with Eryn but she manages to catch a glimpse of him – there’s something familiar about him. She confides in Serena, who discovers Armand doesn’t have a past before marrying (into wealth). Two nights later she’s run off the road but escapes un-harmed.

Mid-Point

Eryn ramps up her protest against the rezoning. Armand secretly gets an out-of-town doctor to mis-diagnose Eryn with dementia. When that fails and various local government officials are about to be exposed for taking bribes re the rezoning, Armand has Eryn poisoned. Delirious, she’s hauled off to hospital and put into a psych ward. Serena’s banned from visiting, but vows to mount a rescue of Eryn and the forest. Serena and Travis in their research as to how to legally overturn the rezoning, find an old photo in the town library archives. It’s of the former King shaking hands with Eryn’s Grandfather – holding a document between them, but the writing is illegible. Travis suggests keeping the photo secret until they can determine the nature of the document. Going over the Forestry Department’s rezoning documents, they find major legal errors and take the matter to Court which rules the rezoning is illegal and the officials who took bribes are dismissed. The Village men who also took bribes are ordered to do a hundred hours each of community service. A far worse punishment is the trouble they’re in from their wives who protect the forest. Serena with help from one of Travis’s Law Professors, secures Eryn’s release. Biological tests reveal she’d been poisoned. Now clear of the hallucinatory drug, she’s allowed to live with Serena in her city apartment, but her old cottage is off limits – deemed structurally unsafe.

2^nd Act Turning Point

Serena and Travis arrive home to find Eryn missing. They get a call from the Clerk of the Court demanding she attend the Court immediately or forfeit the right to have the re-zoning case finalized. Serena and Travis front up and are shocked to discover that the reversal does not include a parcel of land that has been bought by an anonymous Land Developer. This parcel includes Eryn’s cottage and a permit to clear that parcel of trees. Travis produces the old photograph of the King and Eryn’s Grandfather shaking hands and holding up a document between them. He firmly believes that the entire forest was protected by royal decree and if given twenty-four hours, he can prove it. The Magistrate grants them the brief injunction.

Crisis

Everything hinges on them finding that document. Travis and Serena head for Eryn’s Cottage only to find it has been ransacked and the contents destroyed. They head to The Great Forest where at the front gates they find Armand with a bulldozer and several of the Village Men. With horror she realizes the bulldozer has already felled the first few trees on the edge of the perimeter. Heading up from the Village are these men’s wives who are ready to do battle. Armand reveals he’s the Land Developer and in his rights, having legally purchased the parcel of land, including Eryn’s cottage. They show Armand, the bulldozer operator, and the Village men the injunction. The men pack up and leave quickly. They’re terrified, with their womenfolk hot on their heels. Other women stay and defend the trees closest to the felled trees. Travis remains at the site, willing to do battle mano a mano with Armand if necessary while Serena heads into the forest to find Eryn. Meanwhile Eryn is now deep in the middle of the forest – the trees are delivering a message to her – they’re in danger. Eryn is distraught – she can do nothing to save them. She takes out the ancient Deed document to this land – gifted to her Grandfather by the King before there was a village. She recites to the trees the King’s formal declaration that the forest be kept safe. She laments her feeble condition – useless and unable to save the trees.

Climax

Serena finds Eryn dying. She wants to get Eryn to a medical facility but Eryn refuses to go. Serena tells her about Armand, that it is he who has wrought destruction and has bought a parcel of land that includes her old cottage. Eryn shows her the ancient Deed, stating that “he was looking for this.” This is proof that the King had tasked her family to look after the land comprising The Great Forest and secure it’s safety for all time. She gives it to Serena and tasks her with honoring this ancient Deed, to make it stick in a modern court of law and thus save The Great Forest, but not just this forest but all ancient forests at risk from human encroachment. Eryn urges her to ensure their safety for generations to come. People must return to the old ways and respect the forest and the creatures therein and learn to live within their means. Serena knows what a huge task this will be but out of respect for Eryn, vows to protect the forests. Eryn now requests they go see Armand. “He looks familiar to me and I must know the truth.” They walk back through the forest and finally confront Armand. Eryn’s suspicions are realized – this is the grandson of the man she had spurned many years ago. She reveals the history between herself and Armand’s Grandfather, how she had refused to marry him because all she saw in his eyes was greed and when he failed to inherit the forest, he turned into an embittered, hateful man.

Eryn urges Armand to move on and stop punishing The Great Forest for what happened two generations ago. Armand goes into a tirade – revealing his hatred of Eryn, the forest, how he and his family had cursed Eryn for having robbed them, how his own father, feeding on anger and resentment, had married the wrong woman, which ended in disaster. Eryn maintains she knew all of this and that she is very sorry… she implores him to leave the forest alone, “They were not the reason I spurned your Grandfather. He brought that fate upon himself.” Armand can’t get over a lifetime of generational hatred but dares not rise against Eryn and Serena with Travis and the village women closing in around him. The Police are called – there are a few that Armand was unable to bribe. Eryn collapses into Serena’s arms but lives long enough to give Serena a cloth-wrapped bundle. Serena turns upon Armand, accusing him of having killed Eryn – “Your vicious hatred of her and this place has driven her to her death. You are to leave this place; the sale of this land will be rescinded.” He flees with the village women after him.

Resolution

In Eryn’s bundle is a map of the entire forest – each tree with a name and in the middle of the forest a strange symbol. Serena accompanies Travis to this spot on the map. Disguised as a natural cave it’s an underground vault. It’s cool inside – fed by an underground stream. It’s a seed bank – with each tree’s name and their seeds individually stored. Serena alerts the Federal government authorities. They uphold the King’s royal decree. To honor Eryn and the tireless work of the Village Women in protecting their forest, the foundation is laid for a nation-wide network of conservation and rewilding. If the people in each village are willing to stand up and protect their forest the program will become statute and called “Eryn’s Law.”

[Diana Black]

Hi Guys… anyone interested in partnering up on this exercise? Best…Diana

[Diana Black]

Diana T. Black – Producer Interview Experience... I’be beat-sheeted the Synopsis for an easier read…looking forward to partnering up with someone … 🙂

Working Title: “Eryn’s Law”

Genre: Drama

LL: When a dying Grandmother tasks her botanist granddaughter with the mission to save
their ancient forest, it puts the young Botanist in danger at the hands of a conniving Land
Developer, but she’s determined to find a way to keep her promise.

Theme: Laws may be transient, but pledges of the heart last forever.

Synopsis

Serena (our protagonist/heroine) is a Botanist/Ecologist who’s just graduated with Honors from a prestigious University. She now has an Environmental Science degree and the University has invited her into their Master’s program where she intends to conduct a thesis in sustainable development.

Her Grandmother (Eryn) raised Serena after her parents died and she’s very proud of her.

Serena has recently got a boyfriend – Travis. They seem perfectly matched, so he may be her possible future husband. He’s an Environmental Law graduate from the same University. They are in love and determined to do what they can for the good of their country and the environment.

Travis’s parents approve of their budding romance and give their blessing to marry, but not so Serena’s Grandmother, Eryn and she will not say why.

Serena takes a Summer job close to her home town, at the Ecology Tourism Service Center, and is appointed close to the rural province where Eryn lives. As a child, Serena remembers walking in their local forest with her beloved Grandmother who knew every tree by name.

Eryn’s unique love of trees encompassed being able to feel the mood of the forest, her home away from the bricks and mortar cottage on the outskirts of the forest. It was growing up under her influence that convinced Serena to become a Botanist/Ecologist.

There is a major threat to this forest – the Land Developer, Marcel Armand who wants to clear the forest to create an eco-tourism resort and to win over the locals give up half the land to the farmers for more cropland. more farmland.

Armand shares a dark secret and only Eryn knows the truth…Armand’s grandfather was the spurned lover of Eryn, when they were teenagers? So is it greed on his part mixed with revenge?

Marcel Armand sees both Eryn and Serena as a threat and starts up a clandestine friendship with Travis – grooming him. Travis has no idea… not at first…

He accuses Eryn of being senile but when that fails, he poisons her and gets her hauled off to hospital, where she does begin to lose her mind – through stress and worry for her beloved forest. She’s now locked up in a psych ward and refusing their treatment.

Serena takes up a vigil outside the hospital room – they look at each other through the window. Serena urges her Grandmother to stay alive… she does…

Serena furious with Armand, starts a legal action against the planned land development and the destruction of the forest.

Serena is able to take Eryn back to her home in the city and nurture her back to health, but she maintains Eryn is still not strong enough to visit the forest… but Eryn knows she must go – it’s from the forest she draws her strength.

Eryn escapes and bribes a taxi driver to take her to the edge of the forest… he has a road accident on the way home and dies in the fatal crash, so no-one knows where Eryn is or how she escaped the city apartment.

Serena and Travis arrive home to find Eryn missing… she immediately accuses the Marcel Armand of harming her, like he did before. Why does Marcel hate the forest? (He was dragged into it and raped by his father).

Meanwhile Eryn ambles deeper and deeper into the forest, singing and picking something up from the ground

Nightfall comes and she keeps wandering – she has no intention of leaving the forest ever again, we see her under the stars nestling in the roots of an ancient Oak tree

Serena doesn’t want to alert the police in case they take Eryn away and lock her up – accusing her again of senility. Serena castigates herself for not being home and with her – Eryn might not have left.

Travis having been befriended (bribed) by Armand now learns the truth… he wants Travis to turn on Serena and Eryn – he’s promised of a lot of money and career prospects. Being an environmental lawyer, Armand could use him by his side.

Serena can somehow sense that Eryn is in danger and feels compelled to go to the forest – alone. Travis offers to go with her, but she refuses – beginning to sense Travis is not the right choice after all. Travis tries to stop her going. Reminds her that she has to attend the interview that morning with the Forestry Department, but Serena insists on going off to search for her Grandmother. But before she can leave she gets a call from the Forestry Department – they’ve moved the interview forward two hours – she must come into the office now to present her legal case…

She manages to get a temporary injunction order against the loggers until the court either finalizes the injunction or gives Armand what he wants.

Serena with the temporary injunction in hand – she makes a copy, heads back to the apartment to give it to Travis, but he’s disappeared. She heads out alone, leaving it on the table with express instructions to deliver it to the corrupt Mayor.

When Serena arrives at the forest Armand is already on site with bulldozers and they’ve felled the first few trees on the very edge of the perimeter.

Serena shows him the temporary restraining order. He mulls over it. Meanwhile Serena rings Travis’s mobile – it goes to message bank. He comes out of the shadows – siding with Armand – progress is inevitable. Serena is livid at such betrayal.

She’s torn – does she head into the forest and hope the temporary nature of the injunction is enough to stop any further destruction, or stay to ensure no further destruction is carried out? Armand hopes that by destroying the forest there will be nothing to stop him, it will be too late.

Meanwhile Eryn heads deeper in the forest – the trees are delivering a message to her – they’re in danger. Eryn is distraught – she can do nothing to save them. She takes out an ancient deed to this land – gifted to her family by the King, hundreds of years ago. She sits on a rock lamenting her feeble condition – useless and unable to save the trees.

Serena finally finds Eryn – she’s dying… Serena is distraught – wanting to get her to a medical facility. Eryn refuses to leave. She tasks Serena with the mission to save the forest and not just this forest that she’s cared for all her life, but all the forests in the land. She tasks her with ensuring their safety for generations to come. People must return to the old ways and respect the forest and the creatures therein and learn to live within their means.

Serena knows what a huge task this will be but respecting Eryn, she vows to protect the forests. Eryn walks back with her through the forest and finally confronts Armand – his father was her spurned and embittered lover. She urges Armand to move on and stop punishing this forest for what happened a generation ago. Armand goes into a tirade – revealing all that passed to him and his siblings because his father had married the wrong woman and out of spite simply to get back at Eryn. She knows and she is very sorry… she implores him to leave the forest alone, they were not complicit in your father’s sin. He breaks down. Eryn hands Serena a cloth wrapped up into a bundle then dies in Serena’s arms.

In Eryn’s bundle is a map of the entire forest – each tree with a name and in the middle of the forest a strange symbol. Serena also finds the Deed for the land. She orders Armand and Travis along with their bulldozer henchman to leave and leave behind the fallen trees . they were named after Eryn and Armand’s father… the cycle of hate has ended.

She goes to the strange symbol in the middle of the forest – an underground vault – its incredibly cool – fed by an underground stream… it’s a seed bank – with each tree’s name and their seeds individually stored…

Serena finds a way to bring reforestation/rewilding back to her home state – through the courts – it becomes Eryn’s Law

[Diana Black]

Diana T. Black – Producer Interview Experience…

“What I learned doing this assignment is by doing the groundwork ahead of time, it makes it easier on both side of the creative fence. I had designed a table for the Producer (when I was the writer) to peruse beforehand, allowing the Producer to think about the aspects prior to our discussion. It was well received and enabled a more informed discussion further reducing the likelihood of not being “on the same page.” My partner also used the same table to present to me and again, it stream-lined the process. Further this table can be used by the Writer when they are developing a new project.

[Diana Black]

Diana T. Black – Action – Writing Sample Plan

“What I learned doing this assignment is the importance of having that sample deliver on genre, embedded hook/s, the action delivering meaningfully on dialogue and action, interest techniques – suspense, intrigue, action, betrayal, and dilemma, unique Character voices and the sample ending on a cliffhanger. It must also be clear in terms of set-up and pay-off, as well as a quick, enjoyable read.

This scene sequence opens on the Crisis followed by the Climax of the first episode in a 6-episode mini-series, “Saving Keylan Millar”

<START:

Keylan, the Captain of the firefighting unit was absent when the call-to-action – a fire incident, was received. He’s on his way but must stop by Base first. Heading for the fire, his best friend and second-in-command officer, Victor – who’s in a volatile psychological state and high on alcohol, is determined to take over the operation from Patrick, who’s been given command. The rest of the Unit suspects Patrick is a “spy”

INTERCUT BETWEEN THESE NEXT FOUR LOCATIONS

INT. KEYLAN’S FIRE-CHIEF TRUCK – CONTINUOUS – TRAVELING

Keylan speeds down Hwy 110 — lights FLASHING, siren BLARING — the traffic gives way.

OVER THE RADIO — an argument between Base and Command…

INT. CA-61 FIRE STATION/RADIO ROOM – CONTINUOUS

Ange, the Radio Officer, puts the phone on hold.

ANGE

(into the radio)

What’s your ETA? What?! … Say again. Repeat… No, Victor! You’re not well. Hand over control to Patrick — now! Repeat, hand over Incident Command to Patrick. What is your ETA? Over.

INT. FIRE TRUCK/FRONT CABIN – CONTINUOUS – TRAVELING

Patrick behind the wheel, navigates through heavy TRAFFIC with the siren BLARING, lights FLASHING.

Victor has the mic. Patrick tries to snatch it off him – fails. A CAR strays into Patrick’s path, he BLASTS the horn.

Over the radio…

ANGE (V.O.)
ETA, guys? Guys?! Today!

PATRICK
(Yells) Twenty minutes. (To Victor) Give the mic back! You’re relieved!

Victor holds up the mic – the button wasn’t depressed.

ANGE (V.O.)
I repeat, what is your ETA?!

VICTOR
(into the mic)
Ange, I’m the Incident Commander. About twenty minutes away. Traffic heavy.

ANGE (V.O.)
Step on it, Patrick! Stand down, Victor — you’re too sick.

VICTOR
I’m fine, Ange. I got this.

INT. FIRE TRUCK/JUMPSEAT – CONTINUOUS – TRAVELING

Reese, a Senior Officer presses the “firecom” connected to the front cabin.

REESE
Vic? Bro — c’mon, man. Give the mic back to Patrick. We’re a team!

INT. KEYLAN’S FIRE-CHIEF TRUCK – CONTINUOUS – TRAVELING

Keylan puts his radio onto “Speaker mode”.

KEYLAN
Stand down Victor! That’s an order! You can’t do this! Relinquish command! Patrick, what the hell’s happening? Take over. Now! Over.

INT. CA-61 FIRESTATION/RADIO ROOM – CONTINUOUS

Ange throws her hands up. She BELLOWS into the mic…

ANGE
No! Victor, No! Stand down!

She takes the phone off “hold”.

ANGE
(Into the phone)
Sir, our Team should be there in seventeen minutes — traffic congestion. Please move away from the building… you’re what?! No, sir, No — do not go back inside! They will find her. I’m putting you back on hold, sir.

She flips back to the radio…

ANGE

A girl’s trapped inside. In the back of the building. The father wants to go back for her. Hurry!

INT. KEYLAN’S FIRE-CHIEF TRUCK – CONTINUOUS – TRAVELING

Keylan with SIRENS BLARING crosses the intersection.

KEYLAN
Patrick, where the fuck are you?!

INT. FIRE TRUCK/FRONT CABIN – CONTINUOUS – TRAVELING

Victor glances at the street-signs beyond the truck.

PATRICK
We’re broadcasting, Capt. Millar!

VICTOR
(into the mic)
Corner of E 52nd and McKinley Ave. Almost there, Cap.

INT. FIRE TRUCK/JUMPSEAT – CONTINUOUS – TRAVELING

Smoke billows ahead. Reese cuts in on the mic.

REESE
(into the mic)
Black smoke ahead! Confirm a “Class A” Ange. How far away, Cap?

INT. KEYLAN’S FIRE-CHIEF TRUCK – CONTINUOUS – TRAVELING

Keylan passes Edward Vincent Jr. Park — LIGHTS FLASHING, SIREN BLARING.

KEYLAN
I’m calling into base to kit up. Be there in fifteen. Over.

INT. CA-61 FIRE STATION/RADIO ROOM – CONTINUOUS

Ange looks at the map, checks the clock, logs the time.

ANGE
(into the mic)

Patrick take over on landing. Over.

I/E. FIRE TRUCK/FRONT CABIN – CONTINUOUS – TRAVELING

The building looms ahead. SMOKE billows, FLAMES engulf the walls and roof-top. Patrick HITS the curb hard — the truck lurches. The men in the back “jump seat” are thrown forward. Victor drops the mic. Patrick snatches it up. With a “Sheldon-like”, sanctimonious look.

PATRICK

(into the mic)
If Victor is refusing to stand down, I’m done arguing.

INT. CA-61 FIRE STATION/RADIO ROOM – CONTINUOUS

Ange jumps up off her seat — livid.

ANGE
Follow orders, Patrick! Over!

INT. KEYLAN’S FIRE-CHIEF TRUCK – CONTINUOUS – TRAVELING

Keylan crosses La Cienega Boulevard.

KEYLAN

(yells)
Fuck you, Patrick! Do as you’re ordered!

INT. FIRE TRUCK/FRONT CABIN – CONTINUOUS

Patrick turns off the ignition, muffles the radio — watches Victor step down from the cabin.

PATRICK
Go for it — knock yourself out.

Victor looks back at him, struggling to focus.

VICTOR
You’re a fucking loser, man!

PATRICK
And you are, what?

END INTERCUT BETWEEN LAST FOUR LOCATIONS.

EXT. BURNING BUILDING (VERNON, LA) – DAY

Patrick as Incident Commander secures the hoses — the Crew starts fighting the fire on the outside. Victor heads towards the building. Patrick watches him go. Reese glares at Patrick.

REESE
You can’t let him go in there!

PATRICK
Stay at your post! That’s an order!

Victor enters the interior of the burning building…

INT. CA-61 FIRE STATION/KIT ROOM – CONTINUOUS

Keylan rips open his locker – “kits up”. Ange approaches.

KEYLAN
How long? Flash-over?

Ange helps him into his gear.

ANGE

Imminent. For a Class A, Patrick says it’s big… 1,300 btu across the board. Multiple occupancy, old building… it’s gone way beyond routine, switched to defensive–

KEYLAN
On whose order’s?

ANGE
Patrick’s.

KEYLAN
How bad?

Her look says, “bad”

KEYLAN
Fuck! I’ll kill both of them!

ANGE
They’ve had to pull out. Saved two squatters — the building was shut down a year ago — no water or power on site. Patrick’s pulled them back to the collapse zone.

KEYLAN

Where the fuck is Victor?!

Ange starts CRYING — a first.

INT. BURNING BUILDING/INTERIOR – CONTINUOUS

Victor clears a path — embers falling, crashing beams.

(O.S.) SOUND of FIRE-FIGHTERS hosing down the exterior of the building.

Victor finds the CHILD. He undoes his jacket, picks her up and tries to wrap it around both of them — not happening. Water GUSHES through a hole in the roof… he whips out a fire-blanket, saturates the inner layer with it and wraps it around her. Carries her out of the room. The water rouses her. She looks back to the room.

CHILD
Mandy!

Victor looks back – tries to focus in the intense heat. Carrying the Child, he heads for the exit ahead. The water-soaked blanket is steaming. The Child CRIES in pain. Victor whips his jacket off, wraps it around her. Patrick is up ahead. Victor hands her over to him.

VICTOR

Get her out. There’s another one.

PATRICK
No! Wait!

Patrick gives Victor his jacket, then carries the child out. Victor wraps Patrick’s smaller jacket around him then the fire blanket. He heads back down the corridor…

INT. CA-61 FIRE STATION/KIT ROOM – CONTINUOUS

Keylan shakes Ange. SOBBING she tries to “pull it together”.

ANGE
Victor’s still inside.

KEYLAN
Fuck! Fuck!

He runs towards the First Aid Room. Over his shoulder…

KEYLAN
Tell them I’m on my way — I’ll deal with Victor. Tell them! Go!

Ange runs off… her VOICE into the Radio…

ANGE’ (O.S.)
Responding units, switch to fireground. Repeat. Switch to fireground. Over.

FIRST AID ROOM
Keylan WRENCHES open the Med locker, takes out a metal box containing a syringe and vacu-tubes. He tourniquets his arm.

KEYLAN

Ange! Ange!

Ange comes running in, sees Keylan’s arm.

KEYLAN
Do it!

She draws a blood sample, goes to label it. He snatches it off her before she can and stows it along with the syringe and another vacu-tube in the metal box.

KEYLAN
You never saw this.

Ange SOBS. He takes her by the shoulders.

KEYLAN
I need you on top of this, Ange!

She nods, heads back to the Radio. Keylan runs out.

EXT. BURNING BUILDING/SAFE ZONE – CONTINUOUS

Patrick heads for the “safe zone”. Two AMBULANCE OFFICERS take the child. CAMERA CREWS film Patrick: “Man of the hour”. Reese, manning a hose close-by, stares in disbelief.

REESE
You gotta be kiddin’!

INT. BURNING BUILDING/BURNING ROOM – DAY

Victor, blackened and burned re-enters the room.

VICTOR’S P.O.V. – THE PUPPY

“Mandy”, a seven-week-old puppy, lies in a puddle of water.

BACK TO SCENE

He picks her up — she’s barely moving. The SOUND of beams collapsing out in the corridor. No exit. With a grim expression, he closes the door. Soaking the blanket with water, he wraps it and the jacket around them…hunkers down. He checks his air supply then removes his mask, gives Mandy a blast. He places her in his jacket pocket, under the blanket.

EXT. BURNING BUILDING/SAFE ZONE – CONTINUOUS

Keylan runs over and grabs Victor’s jacket off the child and runs towards the building. Over his shoulder to Reese…

KEYLAN
Keep everyone back!

INT. BURNING BUILDING/BURNING ROOM – CONTINUOUS

Keylan AXES the door down, drags the semi-conscious Victor out past flames into the…

CORRIDOR

Victor GASPS. Mandy from the jacket pocket, WHINES. A wooden beam COLLAPSES at one end of the corridor, then another closer to them. Keylan drags Victor further along into a…

CHARRED ROOM

Keylan touches the furthest wall — relatively cool. He props Victor up, removes their masks, “kills” their radios. Victor’s BREATHING is labored. Through GASPS…

VICTOR
The child… okay?

Keylan takes in the damage to Victor’s upper body — third degree burns over much of it.

KEYLAN
Yeah, you should have kept the jacket on. First rule. Why, Bro? What the–

VICTOR
No good deed, huh?

KEYLAN
C’mon, we gotta get out here.

Victor shakes his head “No”. Keylan goes to move him.

VICTOR
All’s good. Knew you’d find me, Cap.

KEYLAN
Always, Bro.

Keylan BREAKS DOWN. Victor studies Keylan’s face, the tears.

VICTOR
Fuck, I love you, man. It’s okay.

Tears roll down Victor’s dirty face.

VICTOR
Tell my daughter I love her.

KEYLAN
She knows. She’ll want for nothing.

Victor smiles, nods…loses consciousness.

KEYLAN
Stay with me, Victor! Stay with…

Victor’s dead. Keylan, through tears — clutches Victor’s body to him.

KEYLAN
Love you, man. Love you.

He puts a photo of Victor and Aleyna – his dead wife, into Victor’s pocket.

FOOTSTEPS (O.S.) coming from the corridor… Keylan turns…

KEYLAN
Get out!

PATRICK
I’m here to help! The fire’s ninety-five percent contained.

KEYLAN
Victor’s dead! Get out!

Patrick stands there, stares at the lifeless Victor.

KEYLAN
Go! I’ve got him!

Patrick heads back down the corridor.

INT. BURNING BUILDING/CHARRED ROOM – CONTINUOUS

Keylan props Victor up and removes the metal box from his own pocket.

CLOSE-UP – MED-KIT BOX

Keylan tightens the tourniquet on Victor’s wrist, fits the empty “Vacu-Tube” labeled “Keylan Millar” to the syringe and draws a sample from the back of Victor’s hand. He stows the sample in the box beside his own sample that’s labeled “Victor Malena”. He packs up the equipment and stows it in his pocket.

BACK TO SCENE

Keylan stares down at Victor, then holds his own forehead to Victor’s, WHISPERING…

KEYLAN
(Haida, Tlingit tongue)
Safe journey.

He replaces Victor’s mask and helmet, then his own gear

“VICTOR’S GHOST” — unharmed, wearing black jeans, an “Aloha” shirt and sneakers, stands behind Keylan. He looks over Keylan’s shoulder and down at his own corpse. With a glimmer of a smile, he FADES away.

A WHINE from Victor’s pocket jolts Keylan to attention — the puppy struggles in Victor’s pocket. Keylan retrieves her, gives her a blast of air, then stows her carefully in his own jacket pocket.

CORRIDOR

Dumping Patrick’s jacket and the blanket in the corridor, Keylan drags Victor’s body through the smoke, back into the burning room and gently lowers him to the floor…FLAMES engulf Victor’s body.

END OF CORRIDOR

Patrick, in the shadows, watches Keylan standing over the burning corpse of Victor.

Keylan douses the flames in the room with water, then pulls Victor’s charred body back towards the door and down the corridor.

Patrick sneaks away.

[Diana Black]

Diana T. Black – Key Business Decisions

What I learned doing this assignment is writing a script without considering these key business decisions is a recipe for failure or at best, disappointing, half-baked results. I have also had to write, shoot direct, act in, edit and produce my own short film (University Assignment) and thus I’m keenly aware of budget issues, logistics and that filmmaking is large a problem-solving exercise, and if you want the film made, you have to solve those problems and being the instigator of the project with many hats, people are relying on you heavily.

Assuming that a “high-budget” film has a budget of at least $50M+, then my high-budget film for this assignment is the political drama, “Going Alone”…this script was optioned but the first-time Producer (of a large budget film at least) couldn’t get the funding and the option agreement lapsed. I may do a re-write of this film in terms of character ethnicity, setting and environmental issue, but the concept is Universal… I will probably have to change the Title because I think he shopped it around and that in it’s current state, it’s “dead in the water”

Current High Budget script:

Genre: Political Drama/Thriller

Title: “Going Alone”

Concept: A young woman already bucking parental and repressive societal expectations must choose between her own personal happiness or duty to family and her country.
Audience: 21 – 35 year olds

Budget: $50 M+

Lead Characters:
The Heroine/Protagonist – A young woman clashing with a father who wanted her to take on a more socially acceptable, traditional role. He deliberately destroyed her happiness for the sake of his political position and she has never forgiven him for it.

Support lead – An elder brother who as a soldier, committed a crime and brought disgrace on the family. His father disowned him and he and his sister had never really got on.

Support Lead – A banished lover who never lost faith in and loyalty to, his beloved

Support – A father who realized too late that he’d destroyed his daughter’s happiness and their relationship.

The Antagonist -The spurned suitor who if he can’t have this young woman, then no one else will.

Journey / Character Arc:

For the Heroine – When her father is murdered, the estranged daughter is forced to take over his role of- compiling and publishing a critically important environmental report. Her Government insists she flee the country to complete it, meanwhile the assassin is now after her. She reunites with her long-lost lover, providing both of them a brief moment of happiness but when the assassin critically wounds him, she must make a choice – run away with him or step up and fulfill her duty to her country. She returns to her country to fulfil her mission.

Opening / Ending

Opening – Two scientists collecting samples out in the field – they’re killed under mysterious circumstances and they’re not the first…CUT TO: a restaurant scene with lavish celebrations, where the spurned suitor demands the heroine’s attention – she refuses him and he threatens her.

Ending – backing up to the Climax – an assassination attempt that goes wrong and the heroine’s lover is critically injured, this is immediately followed by the brother attempting to chase the would-be assassin down through inner city street traffic in peak hour…then the heroine heads back onto a plane to her homeland to deliver her report.

Due to Budgetary Constraints:

Find the two scientists dead – then there’s no need for the SFX that caused their death

Reduce the lavish party to a smaller, intimate affair

Mock-up of the plane – out of and returning to the heroine’s country

No large conference setting

Reduce the assassination attempt/chase scene down to a sniper shot and the initial chase – closer shots and use of stock footage, and a smaller set when the brother corners the assassin

…all of those changes should shave off a page or two and a few million in large set pieces.

[Diana Black]

Diana T. Black – Specialty: Sci-Fi

“What I learned doing this assignment is that in this and every genre, if you know the pertinent conventions and tropes pertaining to a specific genre then the genre identification and what to expect as an audience becomes clear.

Definitions:

Conventions – according to Creative Screenwriting, “certain actions, plots, archetypes or other story elements that are intrinsic to particular genres” e.g. Sci-Fi genre – space ships,
stars, strange new worlds…

Tropes – any element of your story that’s shared with many other similar stories in that specificn genre and thereby communicating that the movie is in fact of that genre.
It can a symbol that immediately conveys a specific meaning I thought of an example
that’s not typically in the Sci-Fi genre – that of a mirror – a tool for self-reflection –
inwardly (the Character looking into their own eyes, not necessarily liking what they see)
or their outward appearance OR a tool with which to catch a glimpse of something in
the mise-en-scene that we weren’t expecting to see, thus giving the audience “privileged
and perhaps sub-textual information”

The two films I’ve chosen are:

“The Mandalorian” TV series (Disney+)

Genre conventions:

Space Western – the loner/drifter/outsider, saving the day and “moving on”, can never settle down to love or to rest, often with a bounty on their own heads

Action/Adventure – fight scenes, sci-fi/futuristic weaponry, travelling from places to place – dangers lurking around every corner, life-threatening situations, hidden traps, spurious Characters that spell danger, usually linear plot, story engine being a mission to retrieve and/or protect something of great value that others want…in this case the force-sensitive child “Grogu”

Tropes: the masking of the hero – creating an aura of mystery and for those around him – suspicion or curiosity…reminiscent of “The Lone Ranger”, the need to protect something beyond themselves that often requires physical fighting. Always on the run, other Characters may love them romantically but the Protagonist can never reciprocate…there is alwasy the need for personal sacrifice for the sake of the greater good. They may have dodgy aspects to their day-to-day existence, but they have a strong moral center, a code of ethics that they live, swear, and are prepared to die by.

For “Mando”…orphaned traumatically as a child, taken in by the Mandalorian Guild, he’s pledged allegiance. The less stellar aspect of his day-to-day is being a bounty hunter… justified by cleaning up the scum and villainous characters in the galaxy UNTIL he is presented with a moral dilemma – the hunting down and turning over to a dubious power figure/institution, an “innocent” – in this case Grogu… his conscience pricks him (as the Hero, he has one, usually buried) and to deepen the emotional connection between himself and Grogu, they share a vulnerable childhood, so he rescues Grogu and is now perpetually on the run.

“Andor” (Limited series, Disney+)

Genre conventions:

Science Fiction – sci-fi/futuristic weaponry and coveted technology, travelling from places to place via space ships, strange new worlds with strange aliens

Action/Adventure – fight scenes, – dangers lurking around every corner, life-threatening situations, hidden traps, spurious Characters, usually linear plot, story engine being a mission to retrieve and/or protect something of great value that others want…in this case the Starpath Unit – a unique and powerful navigation device

Political spy thriller – ever-present danger and high-stakes (can he succeed under cover?), plot twists brought about by betrayal and conflicting perhaps changing allegiances, a devious, unrelenting villain (the Empire), political agendas

Drama – Conflict, between individuals and opposing allegiances

Tropes: the Protagonist thief and scoundrel, often cynical, who is affected by something profound (usually the plight of a helpless individual or an accident/inciting incident) that forces/compels them to rise above their petty cynicism and become a brave rebel, fighting for a cause, “us v them” i.e. the rebel alliance v the Galactic Empire, a grudge against an enemy that is ruthless and powerful, the need to protect something beyond themselves, often requires physical fighting and saving others. Branded an outlaw, he/she is now on a singular path from which they can’t walk away. Betrayal by others.

For “Cassian Andor”…who as a youngster had his
home world destroyed by the big, bad, callous Empire transforms from a “revolution-averse” self-serving cynic into a resourceful, heroic, skilled fighter for the cause, via an
inciting incident (the death of Empirical soldiers), he’s betrayed by those that
are jealous of him and who covet the technology he possesses.

[Diana Black]

Hi Everyone,
Diana T. Black

Number of scripts…current portfolio…
Completed, table read/covered, and polished:
3 Features, 3 first-episodes of separate miniseries, 1 Sci-FI TV Pilot, 2 shorts
In varying stages of development:
2 long-form theatrical plays
8 features
2 shorts

Current writing assignment – substantially rewriting the first episode for a Sci-Fi TV/Streaming series from the author’s original screenplay which he wrote and published the novel. This is an “audition” assignment (unpaid…trying to build up credibility atm)…if he (a friend/writing colleague) and his team like this first episode and I’m invited to write subequent episodes, then we’ll have the conversation about credits/recompense etc.)

Objective for the Course
Develop my skills at netwroking/approaching Producers and getting Writing Assignments

Somethingabout me:
Professionally, I’m a multi-hyphenate – actor, educator and screenwriter…currently working on my Artist’s statement – working out why I write and what essentially it’s about…which brings me to a more personal description…

I’m an intense empath, which is great as a writer and actor, but it comes at a cost, and those of you who are that way know exactly what I mean by that.

[Diana Black]

Diana T. Black’s Credibility is Going Up!
I’m time-strapped atm with “several balls in the air” but that’s not new… so over the next month I’m going to be working on:

– Mapping the Producers in my Network across multiple platforms (e.g. LinkedIn) …

– For those Producers who work in the same genre/s and budget range in line with my current portfolio (polished scripts with completed marketing docs), place these Producers into a database – name – current projects – Relationship/Outcomes of interaction

– Contact these Producers – check in on what they’re working on – make an intelligent comment that’s open-ended (opening up the conversation, not closing it down), offer service via writing assignments (or being a Reader…for which I’m training) and if the offer is taken up and the relationship develops, then ask whether they are open to receiving a well-crafted QL i.e. make a reasonable, inoffensive “ask”

– Get Coverage & enter competitions once confident that each project is the best it can be

Assignment One: The Checklist

1. Your Writing Sample – have several ‘writing samples’ incl. Features, TV Pilots, and a Short

– ‘Recommend’ from Coverage
My first feature was optioned and a coverage report done “in-house” – it received a
“Recommend”

– Delivers on the genre in a strong way
For all of my current works a.k.a. writing samples, they’ve undergone multiple and substantive re-writes in accordance with feedback from credible sources and I’ve taken several of the ScreenwritingU courses to see if these projects do indeed exemplify the genre ascribed to them.

– Delivers on the business decisions
For all of my current projects and associated writing samples, having completes most of the
MSC program, as part of the creative preliminary process, I’ve ensured they deliver not only in terms of the fascinating core/s but also on marketing formats.

2. Screenwriting Accomplishments

– Contest wins
Finalist – quarter-, semi-, and finalist for several projects – features and TV/Streaming

– Smaller deals (options, sales, writing assignments)
I’ve been optioned for one of my features, received an unpaid writing assignment for a short, but it was really more of a case of doing a Page One Rewrite for a student production – it’s since been filmed and published.

– Currently working on a Writing Assignment for a Sci-Fi Novelist wanting his original screenplay, which was the forerunner of his now published Novel, to be substantially re-written. Upon receipt of that “audition” i.e. this first episode, he and his team will decide whether I’m to continue to write subsequent episodes and if I’m successful, then a conversation needs to occur in terms of writing credit and/or recompense. This first episode will be pitched to a Producer and/or Network

3. The Google Factor

Googling my name it comes up as:

“Professional Actor and Spec Screenwriter” (IMDB)
Headshots Gallery and Acting Clips via IMDB media viewer (as an actor)
“Screenwriter – Actor at Diana T Black” (LinkedIn)
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4. Current Network

How many Producers are in your network?

– Unknown… need to determine this but I know I have more than a few

How many Connections do you have who are connected to Producers?

– Unknown… need to determine this, but again I know I have more than a few

5. Education specific to screenwriting

– Degree in film or screenwriting
Bachelor of Creative Arts – Drama, Film & TV GPA 3.75, Commendation for High
Achievement, University of Queensland, Australia

– Master Screenwriter Certificate program at ScreenwritingU
Completed all modules except for the last (marketing module)…
Pro-Series Alumni, Bingeworthy TV, Thriller, Comedy, Action, Power Players Marketing,
Professional Rewrite, Subtext and this one Paid Writing Assignment coursework

6. Borrowed Credibility

– Represented by an agent or manager… I’M NOT and I need to act on this
– Working with a Producer – YES but as an Actor
– Connected to a star – NO
– Connected to a funding source – NO

7. IMDB CREDITS

Go to [url=”http://imdb.com/”]http://IMDB.com[/url] and search your name. What credits
show up there for you?
“Going Alone” – writer
“Morgan’s Corner” 2^nd Unit/Assistant Director
“One June Afternoon” – the character “Robyn”
“Yume” – the character “Mother”
“Salvage Operation” – Writer, and the character “Vicki-3”

8. Other forms of credibility related to screenwriting:

– Novels published – NO… working on the novelization of 2 screenplays

– Producer or Director experience – Not really

– Experience working with agencies, Production companies, Film festivals, etc.. 0 NO

[Diana Black]

Diana’s Projects and Insights re the Introductory Teleconference

The projects I’m bringing into the Class…
a. “Long Path To Peace” – Budget range: $15 – $20 M
A drug lord’s incorruptible, alienated step-son escapes into the wilderness where he saves his Guide – the “father” he’s always wanted, from a never-ending, guilt-fueled nightmare. [Feature]

b. “Saving Keylan Millar” Budget Range: $50 M (for the 6-Episode series)
Episode One: When the Captain of a close-knit Firefighting team embarks on a mission to rescue an innocent woman accused of a major crime, he fails to stop his best friend/second-in-command from committing an alcohol-fueled suicide in a fire situation, which will have devastating consequences for both of them. [Mini-series]

What I learned from the initial teleconference…

– Taking a systematic, optimistic, pro-active approach (as a writer) enables you to:
make deals, have an income. and get movies made.

– Taking on and excelling at writing assignments increases your:
credibility (work begets work… small deals become bigger deals), industry connections …both of which enable your own spec scripts to be viewed, considered, greenlit/made.

– Working with Producers also increases your own writing skills

– You need to be the most competent person in the room in terms of the process in order to facilitate THEIR creative process/vision

– The process – checking in at regular intervals
– getting approval at every step and on every deliverable so as to realize their vision
– timely delivery of the – Treatment
– Outline
– Script – 1^st, 2^nd. 3^rd draft etc. all of which are working towards realizing their vision

– As part of the course:
Interviews with A-List writers & Industry professionals

– Spec Screenwriting v Assignment Writing
Spec screenplay “take up” is largely based on luck – being in the right place at the right time with the right script and targeting the right people. Your own singular vision (apart from feedback from peers and industry coverage)
Taking on a Writing Assignment entails a systematic, committed and professional approach, with a legit Producer wanting to realize their vision…this leads to gaining experience in marketplace regarding all aspects of the process, elevating one’s own writing skills via considering multiple visions (Producers, Directors, and the Writer), increasing one’s industry network (interacting with more Producers AND let them know every step you’ve moved forward – your successes)

– Having taken on and succeeded in writing assignments – industry tends to view your own spec scripts in a more favorable light due to increased credibility

– For Writing Assignments, Producers are highly motivated with business decisions 70% of the time

– Five Steps:
One: Initial connection with the Producer
Two: “Audition” (e.g. Treatment, Synopsis) – proof that you have “The Chops” and someone
that they can work with
Three: Making the Deal – get a written agreement early as to what is to be worked on/delivered and when
Four: Interacting regularly and positively
Five: Getting the movie made

[Diana Black]

This may be a duplicated response but I realized that I hadn’t “brought in” two projects in the Sci-Fi genre (my specialty) so here they are again:

a. “Failure to Launch” (short)

Two astronauts – just married and given permission to have children on the one-way trip to
the outer Solar System, receive tragic news that forces one of them to take drastic action to
avoid being scrubbed from the mission.

b. “Stage Alpha” (short)

When a Holographic Character created by a 22<sup style=”font-family: inherit;”>nd</sup> Century Game Designer is prevented from evolving to the next stage, she’s determined to find another way to become “real.”

[Diana Black]

I agree

[Diana Black]

Diana T. Black… Fast Formatting

What I learned doing this assignment is I can tighten up the text to heighten the sense of urgency in the scene and thereby increase the pace. I tend to use ellipsis a lot and I need to vary this by incorporating other formatting techniques, especially in action scenes.

The scene sequence following starts off with basic formatting then quickly launches into a tight action sequence that incorporates other action formats – dashes, stacking action and finishes via stacking dialogue. This is from a different screenplay “Going Alone”… optioned but the first time Producer couldn’t garner the funds ☹

I/E. DOWNTOWN CAFE (SAN FRANSISCO ) – DAY

CAFE PATRONS eating breakfast. Anh and Minzhe at an inside table next to the window.

Hanh watches them from the bus stop beyond the café. Minzhe glances in his direction.

MINZHE

Does your brother need

to monitor us this closely?

Anh looks pointedly in Hanh’s direction – he looks away.

ANH

I don’t get it either…

perhaps if we ignore him.

MINZHE

I’m hardly a boogie-man.

ANH

He thinks you abandoned me.

Minzhe looks hurt. Anh takes his hand.

ANH

Besides, he’s head of the family now

— he’s supposed to be grumpy.

They LAUGH.

Her napkin falls to the ground. As she bends down to retrieve it a bullet SHATTERS the glass in front of them – hitting Minzhe in the neck – blood SPATTERS across the table and on Anh’s blouse.

Cafe patrons SCREAM, diving for cover under tables.

Anh GASPS as Minzhe’s head sinks into her lap — bleeding bad. She presses her napkin against his neck.

ANH

HELP! SOMEONE HELP ME!

EXT. BUS STOP NEAR CAFÉ – CONTINUOUS

Hanh traces the trajectory — Quyen makes eye contact then turns and runs… glancing back at Hanh while running, he barrels into the path of a car — hitting the side mirror.

He parkours over the hood — the gun flies out of his hand and hits the road. It FIRES — SHATTERING the car’s windshield.

Quyen lands on his feet and runs. Hanh in pursuit.

EXT. DOWNTOWN CAFÉ – CONTINUOUS

Anh cradles Minzhe’s head in her lap — pressing wads of napkins against his neck. A WAITRESS hovering over her, supplies more.

ANH

Stay with me Minzhe! Minzhe!
The Ambulance is coming.

His eyes open — glazed. Struggling to BREATHE.

ANH

Minzhe! You stay with… Minzhe!

The ambulance arrives — PARAMEDIC #1 starts working on him. PARAMEDIC #2 wheels the gurney between the tables. They place him in the back of the ambulance and drive off — siren BLARING.

Anh, stands alone on the footpath — the lower half of her dress and her blouse covered in blood. She looks around for Hanh.

EXT. DEAD-END ALLEY (SAN FRANSISCO) – DAY

Hanh, BREATHING HARD — listens.

SILENCE except for the HUM of distant traffic.

He walks further into the dark alley…tries the few doors available — locked. Walking back towards the entrance of the alley, he turns around.

HANH

(thunders)

I’ll find you! No matter what it takes!

He listens with a murderous glare – SILENCE. He walks off.

INT. BASEMENT/ABANDONED BUILDING – CONTINUOUS

Quyen crouches underneath a dingy stairwell. His BREATHING labored. A COUGH forces him to clutch his side — wincing with pain.

INT. ROSALIND’S CAR – DAY

Rosalind behind the wheel — dodging through the peak-hour traffic. Anh beside her — glazed eyes, in shock.

ROSALIND

Apex Critical Care? Is that what they said?

Anh? Anh?! Focus!

ANH

Hanh!

Rosalind hot-keys Rhain’s number. No answer.

ROSALIND

Fuck, where the hell is he?!

Rosalind’s cell — incoming – puts it “on speaker”.

HANH (V.O.)

Anh! Is she OK? Where are you?

Anh SOBS

ROSALIND

We’re heading to Apex Critical Care.
Contact Alby. He’ll pick you up.

HANH

I lost him. Be there soon as I can.

ROSALIND

Where is Rhain? Hanh?!

Phone connection lost. Rosalind SLAMS the steering wheel.

[Diana Black]

Diana T. Black…Great Action Set Piece…

What I learned doing this assignment – that every scene can be elevated and a large contributing factor is the need to structure each scene sequence as outlined in this lesson – Pre-Action, Action, Post Action and with the following attributes – Uniqueness, Emotions, and Twists.

Pre-Action

Ange gets the alarm call, Keylan questions why their firehouse…the firefighters with Keylan

leading, launch into action… The fire-truck heads towards the fire. Victor glares at Patrick.

Action

At the burning luxury car showroom – Keylan orders Patrick to stay with the truck and liaise over the radio with Ange. Reese and his co-workers douse the exterior of the building. Keylan and Victor head inside. Once inside the showroom Victor and Keylan see the burnt-out cars and the charred body behind the desk. Keylan orders Victor to douse the flames in the showroom while he heads towards the back of the building. Keylan discovers Louise’s bloodied bracelet in the trunk of the car parked out back. He pockets the bracelet as the SOUND of Police sirens approaching. Keylan goes back inside to help Victor and finds him staring at a flaming wall, beyond the charred corpse – he appears to be hallucinating, spellbound. Victor’s POV: Aleyna stands in the flames looking down at the corpse – she looks up at him as if trying to tell him something. Keylan douses the flames on the wall, the ghost that only Victor can see disappears and Keylan hauls him outside.

Post-Action

Back at the firehouse Keylan reveals the bracelet to no-one but Ange. He privately chews out Victor about what happened in the showroom. Victor recounts that she (Aleyna) was there – standing in the flames – looking at the corpse and back at him as if trying to tell me something. Keylan thinks he’s losing his mind. Keylan toys with the notion of standing Victor down on sick leave. Victor begs to stay on duty. Keylan reluctantly agrees, fearful that standing him down will only unhinge him further.

Uniqueness

The luxury car-showroom (with cars) in flames – it’s obviously deliberately lit. The charred body with a bullet hole in the back of its skull behind the showroom desk. Keylan’s missing girlfriend, Louise – her bloodied bracelet (unique design) is in the trunk of the car parked out the back. Victor hallucinating – staring into the flames and seeing the ghost of his dead first wife, Aleyna – looking down at the charred corpse then back at him.

Strategies for Uniqueness

Shocking discovery – burning of the luxury car showroom, Louise’s bracelet… Victor’s hallucination

Action Emotions

Shock, Anxiety, Fear, Adrenalin, Danger

Twists

Louise’s bracelet in the trunk of the car (reg plates and VIN removed) parked out the back… no known link to Louise and the luxury car showroom

[Diana Black]

Diana T. Black…Unique Action

What I learned doing this assignment is that any scene can be elevated. There is a need to do this to every scene (elevation) and because this is an Action/Thriller hybrid, I need to ensure that the elements inherent with these genres are present. While I have some scenes that are iconic action and/or thriller scenes, I need more action scenes – not just for the sake of it – they must be meaningful and vital to the story – either offering an insight into Character or moving the story forward…

Scene as originally outlined

A4…Keylan and Robin investigate a warehouse near the party boat mooring – Long Beach Docklands. Viewing the warehouse floor from close to the ceiling… V8…The room houses 28 zippered sleeping bags (hooded) lying on the floor – mesh covers the face – some of the bags move slightly – they’re alive. One rolls slightly off the table and falls on the floor where it barely moves – possibly drugged. A4 (Cont’d) Robin calls in the FBI. They’re taking too long to arrive. He shoots a pipe on the opposite wall of the warehouse – it ricochets off the pipe and hits one of the Asian sex-traffickers in the shoulder – they flee like rats. The FBI arrive and infiltrate the building. The girls are rescued. Keylan and Robin call it a night. Robin agrees to check whether the ransacking of Louise’s apartment was recorded.

New Scene Outline…

A4… (Mission) Keylan and Robin investigate a warehouse near where a party boat is moored at the back end of the Long Beach Docklands. That’s unusual in itself – pleasure boats don’t moor in a heavy industrial zone – not only is it illegal but screams “suspicious” (Environment).. The front of the warehouse is guarded by tough-looking dudes (Villainy). They steal around the back of the building and climb the exterior (Unique Skillset) and find a way to view the warehouse from the ceiling. Keylan films what’s going on below. Robin calls the FBI. (Allies)

V8… (Villainy). The three thugs (masked) inside the warehouse prepares the “the cargo” – 20 young girls all Caucasian – 10 – 18 years, wearing evening wear are tied up and gagged. They struggle against their restraints – terrified, most of them are crying. A thug goes down the line and injects them with the same needle – filling up the syringe as he goes. One of the thugs abuses him for not swapping out the needle. The thug retorts, “Why bother – they’ll be dead within 6 months – STDS, AIDs, drug overdoses etc. As each one is injected they stop struggling and fall unconscious. Each is wrapped in a shroud minus their head and placed in a zippered sleeping bag with a mesh hood. As one of the thugs is about to shroud a young girl, he fingers her first and laughs. The other thug punches him in the face with “Just do your fuckin’ job. They’re not to be touched by scum like you!”

A4 (Cont’d)... (Mission) Keylan wants to kill them then and there. Robin says their job is to apprehend not kill – that’s the purview of the FBI. He and Keylan are not licensed to kill. (Rules)

V8… (Cont’d) (Villainy). The shrouded girls, now unconscious, are placed 4 at a time, on a pallet and strapped down. A forklift enters picks up a pallet of girls and begins to back out, presumably heading towards the boat.

A4 (Cont’d) The FBI still haven’t arrived. Keylan says, “fuck this, give me two minutes, 30 sec then shoot ‘em. We have no idea what they’ve been shot up with.” Robin argues that “the girls are precious cargo, they’ll be okay. “Keylan retorts, “and what if it was your daughter.” (Emotional Struggle) He disappears and climbs back down the exterior wall (Unique Skillset) and hides behind boxes of cargo between the warehouse and the boat .

V8 (Cont’d)…(Villainy). He sees two crew on board – one in the wheelhouse and another on the back deck presumably waiting to receive the “cargo”. As the forklift rounds the corner. The FBI turn up and surround the building just as a shot if fired inside the warehouse. Robin has fired a bullet (Weapon & Unique Skillset – he’s a sharp shooter) into a metal pipe on the opposite wall of the warehouse – it ricochets off the pipe and hits one of the sex-traffickers in the shoulder – the thugs try to flee but Robin picks off two of them – shooting them in the legs (Unique Skillset – he’s a sharp shooter) before the FBI infiltrates the building

At the same time – the forklift driver makes a run for it. Keylan waylays and decks him out cold. Keylan runs over to the boat – it’s still tied to the wharf – with no one to release the mooring. The skipper guns the boat, straining against the moorings. The crewmember on the back deck is forced at gunpoint by the skipper, to go down the gangplank and release the mooring. As he approaches the tie-up Keylan throws a metal pipe – it hits him in the head (Unique Skillset – excellent Aim). Keylan dodges behind cargo boxes to avoid getting shot at by the skipper. (Struggle). The skipper disappears. The sound of a boat on the other side of the party boat – moving off – the skipper has escaped. (Meaning… this alerts Dominic that Keylan is one of the people investigating the crime syndicate – Dominic must get rid of Keylan somehow)

As the FBI and the ambulances drive off Robin agrees to check whether the ransacking of Louise’s apartment was recorded.

[Diana Black]

Diana T. Black… Level 3 Action Emotions – Danger, Excitement, and Adrenaline

What I learned doing this assignment is that I have scene sequences exemplifying danger, excitement, and adrenaline – but not necessarily in that order. Again, I’m using these Assignments as a checklist so as to polish the now much more detailed Outline. With it I will be able to efficiently rewrite the existing Pilot.

Because this sequence deals with tragic circumstances – the death of Keylan’s best friend – it’s heavy on Danger and Adrenaline, but very light on Excitement…

Scene Sequence:

B-Story… Scene:

(Danger) Keylan arrives at the burning building to find Patrick – beaming victoriously, playing the Hero in front of the media cameras carrying out of the building a semi-conscious child. Keylan marches over (the cameras still rolling), tears strips off Patrick who maintains Victor is still inside because there’s another victim inside, “Mandy”. Keylan enters the building. The rest of the crew outside douse the building from all sides.

Scene:

(Danger, Adrenaline) B-Story…Keylan fights his way into the center of the building and finds Victor, locked (intentionally) in a burning room – the door is keeping the roof from collapsing completely. Keylan orders him to open the door, to think of Naomi. Victor is exhausted, maintains he can’t open it. (Excitement) Keylan axes the door to gain access. He finds Victor wrapped in a fire blanket – there is no other person.

Scene:

B-Story…(Adrenaline) Keylan on the radio to Ange demands, “Who the fuck is Mandy?” Before Ange can find out, Victor looks up at Keylan and reveals the puppy wrapped in Patrick’s coat under his fire blanket.

Scene:

(Danger, Adrenaline) B-story…Keylan drags Victor out the burning room. Keylan cradles him in his arms in the wet corridor. Victor, struggling to breathe, hands over “Mandy”. Keylan stares down at his friend’s burnt torso, arms, and neck – 3^rd degree burns. He knows it’s fatal – he’s gonna die. Keylan in tears goes to pick him up – to get him to IC, but Victor refuses, “it’s better this way.” Keylan knows it’s a lost cause. Crying he assures Victor Naomi will want for nothing. Keylan implores Victor to hang on but he dies in Keylan’s arms. (Adrenalin) Keylan draws a blood sample from Victor and labels it with his own name… then writes Victor Malena on his own sample. Keylan pockets the puppy and drags Victor back into the fire. Victor is virtually incinerated.

[Diana Black]

Diana T. Black… Level 2 Action Emotions…

What I learned doing this assignment is that I do have scenes with surprise, shock, and suspense but not necessarily in that order; more often surprise, suspense, and shock via a scene sequence. The “Salt” example has the pay-off (the suspense component) much later on. Of those types of scenes, I have several. At this point these assignments are working as a checklist – do I have such scenes in the bag? It is also an extra opportunity to polish the Outline before writing each individual scene. The Outline is pulling “double duty” incorporating with each scene, the justification/rationale for the action and dialogue, which won’t find itself on the page as text but potentially as sub-text.

Listed below is a scene sequence. It would most likely also work as an “Action Set Piece” where these components – surprise, shock, and suspense are sequentially together.

Don’t get the color difference in the text below – not my doing/plan.

Scene Sequence Outline

Scene:

V11 (Surprise & Shock)…Keylan receives a post-card from “Louise” stating that she’s waiting for him in Acapulco, with the money. Her handwriting. It was delivered anonymously to the Firehouse. A5…Keylan confides with Ange who tells him there’s only one way to find out – go there and confront her.

Scene:

A6…(Surprise) Keylan arrives in Acapulco – surveils a yacht out in the harbor – it’s the “Undercurrent” – Louise’s father’s boat – normally stationed at Dana Point Yacht Club. It looks like it’s getting ready for a party. (Suspense) None of the locals will take him out to the yacht, and won’t say why – they seem terrified. V13…Keylan sees (through binoculars) “Louise” waving to him and blowing him a kiss. He tries her phone – it goes straight to message bank. V12 (Shock) Keylan is subject to a drive-by shooting by two men in a car – they narrowly miss. A6 (Cont’d)…Keylan steals a motorcycle and gives chase. V13 (Cont’d)… (Suspense) The car with Keylan in pursuit, heads out of town along the cliff road. The gunmen take a bend too sharply – the car heads for the cliff edge.

Scene:

V13 (Cont’d)…(Shock) The car flies over the cliff edge and comes to rest on the rocks below. (Suspense) Keylan climbs down the jagged rock face – both men are dead. They have Interpol badges (they’re fake… but Keylan doesn’t know that). A6 (Cont’d) Keylan takes their ID’s and heads back to the harbor.

Scene:

A6 (Cont’d)…Keylan watches the party happening on the yacht with him hidden on the shoreline.

LATER

The last of the guests are ferried back to shore by one of the crew members, who gets on a bicycle and rides away. Keylan bribes a young teenager to take him out to the yacht. The teen stops 200 feet away from the yacht and refuses to go any further – others have died (shot). (Suspense) Keylan swims the rest of the way to the yachtquietly, in the dark.

Scene:

A6 (Cont’d)…(Suspense) Keylan climbs onboard. V14...Keylan’s attacked by the two male crew members. A6 (Cont’d)…Keylan fights them and knocks them out (presumably) and both fall overboard. V14 (Cont’d)… (Shock) “Louise” turns out to be a fake. She tells Keylan she doesn’t have the money, that she never had it. That she’s just an actor paid to be a “look-alike”. She also maintains the real Louise is “old news”. M12...Keylan demands she explain herself. V14 (Cont’d) She tells Keylan, “You’ll have to ask the boss.” That’s as far as she gets – one of the crewmen who’s now back on the boat, shoots her dead. In a fight for the gun, the crewman strikes Keylan in the back of the head – knocking him out.

[Diana Black]

Diana T. Black… Level One Action Emotions…

What I learned doing this assignment is that while I have elements of anxiety, fear, and relief peppered throughout the narrative I don’t often have all three in a single scene, perhaps because it’s an action/thriller hybrid that necessitates a build across a sequence or, I have a set-up established early but the pay-off isn’t until much later… but I found one… I also need to think about the rationalization for these emotions – why do the characters in the scene (and prior to) feel these emotions?

Scene (Sequence) Outline

M17...Keylan gets a tip-off from an anonymous source – latitude & longitude co-ordinates – it’s in the middle of the shipping channel off the Port of Los Angeles. (Anxiety – what is at those co-ordinates, is this a trap? The operation needs to be clandestine and at night, they can’t wait to go through legal, port authority admin, if it’s a dead body, by the time they approve it there’ll be nothing left (of the body). While all three are experienced divers, parking in a shipping channel especially with the current supply chain issues could cause their zodiac to be scuttled by a container ship \. the zodiac needs to moored just outside of the shipping lane. Fear – because of the draft of the container vessels, they’ll only have 22 feet of depth between the screws of any container vessel and the bottom of the channel – the turbulence will be dangerous and unpredictable.

A8…Keylan and Robin are both former SEALS and Reese is also a long-time diver. Under the cover of darkness they quietly motor out towards the official shipping lanes. Ships pass them – they remain unseen. They attach an infrared beacon on the underside of the Zodiac and diving down to the bottom, follow the bottom profile to the right co-ordinates. They find a shrouded body. It’s been scavenged by sharks (the head is missing) and it’s lying at the bottom of the channel (@ 53’) – they retrieve what’s left and head back to the Zodiac – struggling with the turbulence of the propellor/screw wake. Relief – they make it back to the Zodiac.

V18 (Anxiety)...the Zodiac has sprung a leak and is taking on water – it won’t be long before it sinks. One side of it has been slashed with a sharp blade – was it a ship (at least two passed overhead on their way to the body) or was it someone else? There are other boats buzzing around outside the official lane – it could have been one of them, or someone on board one of them.

A8 (Cont’d)…They get a GPS lock on the location of the Zodiac (anchored). They swap out two tanks for the fresh one’s on board. Keylan’s tank is a tinny and still has some air left. Anxiety – They dive back down to a depth of 30’ to avoid other boats passing overhead – Keylan and Robin drag the corpse between them (Robin goes to share his air but Keylan refuses. Anxiety – he’s getting low) while Reese is in the rear, keeping an eye out for Bull Sharks. Relief – They make it back to shore. Reese comments that it doesn’t make sense – tip-offs then they’re out to get us.

[Diana Black]

Diana T. Black… Favorite Twists

What I learned is the importance of maintaining audience engagement, especially if it’s a linear narrative, via subverting expectation. Thus for the audience, twists lessen predictability re the plot, the stereotyping of character, and assumed outcomes. To a minor extent I’ve already done this in places with the original re-written plotline. Just in case I haven’t thought of every aspect associated with a Twist i.e. story logic web, I’ll be writing/rewriting two different narratives consecutively – one with the new Twists embedded and subsquent plot, and the other version with only the original twists and the original plotting.

Because this is a 6-episode mini-series, a period of solid engagement and investment in the Character’s predictable “traits” and behavior must be established first, otherwise the twist won’t be a twist, but likely assumed to be “normal” in this story world. Zig-Zags, Curve balls etc.

** New possible Twists and those already embedded, listed as “What If?” (more than 5)

Episode One Only…

As the Opening Title and Credits Roll…

**What if this isn’t a woman – assumed to be Nicole?

Opening

Scene:

**What if this isn’t Louise’s body?

Inciting Incident

Scene: Later…

Keylan makes a phone call to the airlines (a friend) – Louise was never on the flight.

**What if she was on a flight… therefore for the audience, moght begion to wonder who’s lying – his friend at the airport, or could she have been on another flight?

First Turning Point at end of Act 1

Scene:

** What if Keylan receives a post-card from “Louise” – she’s waiting for him in Acapulco, with the money?

Mid-Point

Scene:

** Nicole reveals the investigation into the $2M theft now involves Keylan, seeing as how he “knew” Louise. “Suggest you get yourself a lawyer.”

Second Turning Point at end of Act 2

Scene:

Keylan stops in at the fire house situation and has Ange drill him for a blood sample –

**What if he doesn’t write his name on the vacu-tube label and takes a spare?

Crisis

Scene:

**What If Victor is still inside because there’s another victim inside, “Mandy”?

Climax

Scene:

**What If Victor peels back the blanket to reveal “Mandy” is a puppy, secured in Patrick’s jacket.?

** What If Keylan quickly draws a blood sample from Victor and labels it with his own name?

**What If unbeknownst to Keylan, Victor’s ghost rises out of his body?

** What If Keylan drags Victor back into the fire to virtually incinerate his corpse?

[Diana Black]

Diana T. Black… Likability/Empathy/Justification (of and on behalf of, the Protagonist)

What I learned doing this assignment is that having created an in-depth, comprehensive Character Profile for each Character via the lessons provided in the Pro-Series and MSC, this assignment was easy. Many of the attributes were naturally generated within the original narrative – a relationship drama. However, the project has evolved in terms of genre and associated conventions. The 2^nd rewrite was that of a Thriller and with this course, it’s now going through another rewrite as an Action/Thriller hybrid.

I see two components here

– the Character as a person throughout their “normal” every-day life, what values have they formed and abide by since childhood into adulthood,

– who is this Character in relation to this specific narrative? How do these character traits play out across the narrative and character arc?

One is likely to inform the other…

LIKABILITY/LOVABILITY

A. Other people like or respect the character.

Throughout his life Keylan has been treated with respect. His sincerity, intelligence, compassion, and strength of character shines through and manifests in about everything he does.

In relation to this narrative – as a Lead firefighter of a local Firehouse, he’s a great Leader. He never asks his crew to do something he wouldn’t do himself and he always has their back in the field. He’s loved and respected not only by his crew who affectionately call him “Cap”, but also by the Community at large, and his children – Reuben (12) and Lily (8). The only person who truly detests him, out of jealousy is the Villain – Dominic Tarrega.

B. The character shows love for something.

Keylan since childhood, has demonstrated courage, love, and loyalty in great abundance.

In relation to this narrative, apart from his children, Keylan is deeply loyal to his crew – they’re his extended family. Victor, his best friend and 2IC in the firehouse, is considered a “brother”. He loves him dearly. It’s mutual. They’ve saved each other’s lives numerous times and there’s nothing that Keylan wouldn’t do for Victor. In relation to this narrative –

C. They’re trying to do something good.

Keylan harbors guilt from his childhood – the loss of his parents in a house fire, started by his older brother… it’s embedded in his psyche, fueling him with a need to be “good/better” and to “fix’ and “rescue” people.

In relation to this narrative Keylan is trying to get justice for his murdered girlfriend, Louise. He’s also moonlighting for his friend, the DA – Adriana Tanaka, by secretly investigating the rise of a new (resurrection) crime syndicate. Adrian doesn’t trust the local police or many in the judicial ranks – he sniffs “corruption”. Initially Adrian doesn’t divulge and/or explain his suspicions to Keylan. Adrian secretly suspects Dominic Tarrega of being involved somehow in a lot of the corruption in town but can’t be seen to openly criticize this ruthless man with many connections who’s after his job. By keeping Keylan in the dark about Dominic serves the genre well – it helps us worry more about Keylan who’ve we’ve come to like. For a plotting POV, this means Keylan is much more vulnerable, making his character arc more interesting to explore.

D. Save the cat — rescue or do something good for someone else.

Keylan’s line of work as an adult has always involved rescue of some kind. Initially as a Navy SEAL and now as a Firefighter.

In relation to this narrative, in the fire sequence of the first episode (the climax), Keylan desperately tries to save Victor. When it becomes obvious Victor is beyond hope, dying in Keylan’s arms, Keylan’s only recourse is to save Victor’s reputation. He assumes Victor’s crime of “intoxicated on duty” by swapping the blood sample and dragging Victor’s corpse back into the fire. A subsequent autopsy will not be able to confirm Victor’s inebriated state. This will ensure Victor’s daughter gets Victor’s insurance payout and Victor’s memory and standing within the Community will not be sullied.

F. Kindness.

Keylan is always kind to those who deserve it. He has no time for those that don’t. He does not suffer fools gladly, and he can easily see through people as to their real intentions.

In relation to this narrative, he works hard to contribute meaningfully to the Community, not only as a Firefighter, but also as a Board Member of LAYCT – supporting and guiding disadvantaged youth.

G & H. Good moral decisions and actions and being on the right side (of history).

Keylan’s natural parents were fine and upstanding people and when they died, his adoptive father – Adriel (Haida First Nation) continued to hold Keylan to high moral standards. Keylan lives by a self-imposed code of ethics, honor, and loyalty towards those dependent upon him or under his command (this is why Alfonso is in his and Adrian’s corner). He’s maintained that code throughout his adult life.

In relation to this narrative – he’s determined to root out corruption wherever and whenever he finds it in this narrative and he has the muscle and intelligence to deliver on that. He’s a good man, but he has a dark side. When he discovers that Dominic, a trusted colleague is THE Villain behind the murder of Louise et al and the attempts on his life and that of his son, Reuben, it sets him on a path of righteous vengeance.

EMPATHY / DISTRESS

A. Undeserved misfortune.

Apart from losing his parents in the housefire when he was 12 years old, Keylan has been blessed with a strong, loving adoptive father, Adriel, and growing up with loving brothers – Blaze, Adriel’s son (same age as Keylan), and his own older brother, Richard, who unfortunately died while on his final tour in Iraq. H is career as a former Navy SEAL and now a Lead Firefighter has seen him decorated numerous times.

In relation to this narrative, Keylan is being set-up, misled and severely compromised/distressed (LTS) orchestrated by Dominic, Nicole, and Torera across the entire narrative arc. He’s suffering from guilt, fear, remorse, and loss.

B. External Character conflicts.

Keylan does not routinely experience external Character conflicts. He leads an organized and highly successful life. He’s solved the problem of the conflict between him and Nicole via an “amicable” divorce. They seem to have resolved the issues of child custody and property rights with ease. He’s unaware that this is not the case. Nicole is just pretending to be amicable. In reality she hates him for having gently divorced her (ego bruised) even though she and Keylan both agreed that their marriage was a failure from the get-go (she got herself pregnant with Reuben and Keylan felt compelled to marry her, then when he was going to leave her, she got pregnant with Lily). He is unaware that Nicole’s been plotting revenge for a very long time (Reuben is aware of her duplicitous nature but has no evidence)

In relation to this narrative Keylan’s lost his girlfriend, Louise. In the earlier episodes “The Villain” is responsible for killing an innocent woman (actually two, with Louise’s look alike also killed). At the end of Episode One, he’s also lost his best friend, Victor, to suicide.

C. Plot intruding on life.

Keylan has always had this notion that he should take some responsibility for other people’s failings and that he is duty-bound to fix things. This is a preposterous notion but brought about by his childhood guilt of not saving his parents from a lethal house fire. This notion of being a “super fixer” also reflects a sizable ego. He can’t help it – his “modus operandi” is to take the weight of the world on his shoulders. Ange is constantly on his back about this.

In relation to this narrative when Victor commits suicide, Keylan has a plan in place to “fix” the situation by taking Victor’s place re the charge “intoxicated on duty”. Keylan, by swapping the blood samples will be charged with involuntary manslaughter by a corrupt Judge (bought and blackmailed by Dominic) who refuses to consider other supporting evidence. Due to Dominic being the Prosecutor, and after telling Keylan he’d be lenient and get him off, he throws the book at him – introducing the corrupt Patrick as a “witness” and insinuating that Keylan in collusion with Louise – his lover, stole the $2M. He knows that Keylan was romantically connected to Louise (framed for stealing the money) because Keylan confided to him.

D. Moral dilemmas.

In relation to this narrative whether to abide by the law and bring in Patrick, Dominic, Torera, and Nicole alive when in Episode 6 – for most of the Villains, especially Dominic, it’s a fight to the death. Keylan. Some of these people’s fates are taken out of his hands – killed by others, death by suicide etc. However, in the case of Patrick (who fell through the remains of a burning floor to his death), Keylan will be forever haunted that he could have stepped closer and saved him… in his head as Patrick’s scream of agony is cut shot, he hears Ange say, “Some people are just plain broken”…He is caught in a moral dilemma when Reese decides for himself (disobeying orders) to stand and fight alongside Keylan and dies as a result.

E. Forced decisions they’d never make.

Keylan was prepared to tough it out with Nicole is their loveless marriage but her implied infidelity (sleeping around… she wasn’t she was just trying to get Keylan jealous and couldn’t – he didn’t care), depression, and obvious unhappiness forced him to give up on the marriage – another reason to feel guilty.

In relation to this narrative – fighting the bad guys in Acapulco, actually going through with the plan to “incinerate” Victor’s body in the fire, beating the shit out of “The Boys” in prison – putting them in the prison hospital, getting extremely violent to fight Torera over the abduction and imminent torture of Reuben.

F. Wound attacked.

In relation to this narrative when Dominic goads him for having failed to save Louise, that she died like a chicken – getting it’s neck sliced. Keylan’s response is to violently attack him, but it’s the fatally wounded Reese who delivers the final bullet into Dominic’s chest. Keylan without mercy or remorse, watches him die – making no attempt to save him (Dominic).

JUSTIFICATION – in relation to the events occurring in this narrative…

A. The character or their family abused.

It’s not until Episode 3 of the is 6-episode mini-series that Keylan discovers the identity of the Villain. It’s Dominic – a man he may not be close to or chummy with, but considered to be a trusted, professional colleague, with them both serving on the Board of LAYCT as Directors. Once Keylan realizes his misplaced trust (cursing himself for confiding in this asshole), there’s no holding back – he’ll bring Dominic (and his ex-wife, Nicole) to justice – whatever it takes, and with a hefty dose of vengeance thrown in. He has an ego after all.

B. Threatened by others.

Throughout this narrative Keylan is constantly under threat (LTS) – murderous attempts in Los Angeles, California (land and sea), Acapulco, Mexico etc.. When incarcerated for a crime he didn’t commit but doing it to save Victor’s reputation, this plays right into the hands of Dominic and further attempts are made on his life on “the inside”. It’s only that he has friends on the inside that counter these attempts. Later in the narrative when he’s been exonerated and on the hunt for Dominic, that his son, Reuben is abducted and his life threatened (by Alfonso’s son, Torera). This puts Keylan’s lust for vengeance in overdrive.

C. The Hero is the victim of attacks.

Keylan is constantly under threat and while attacks are made he does not fall victim to them. Not only is this guy a former Navy SEAL and a brilliant, albeit unconventional firefighter who can turn the tables on the perpetrators, someone (remains a mystery… it’s actually Alfonso) is on his (and Adrian’s) side i.e. is on the side of justice.

D. They’ve suffered major losses.

The loss of Victor has cut deep into Keylan’s psyche. That and losing Louise in such a manner – at some unconscious level, someone must pay. Hence his willingness to take the rap for Victor’s suicide. He’s punishing himself for having failed both of them. Keylan’s consumed with guilt for not saving them. Louise died for inadvertently discovering a crime – theft of the $2M. Victor’s suicide was largely due to Victor’s inability to not get over his first wife’s murder and guilt for not being there for her. That murder (and vicious rape) was carried out by Torera Azarola. When Keylan discovers this AND the fact that Torera is responsible for abducting his son, Reuben, he’ll stop at nothing to destroy Torera – within the confines of the law or outside it – he no longer cares.

E. The Villain or their representatives have trespassed.

When Keylan discovers Torera is responsible for abducting (and on the brink of torturing) his son, Reuben, who’s rescued just in time (with Alfonso’s help), Keylan sets out to destroy Torera. However, he’s saved from having that on his consciousness – someone else executes Torera for him.

[Diana Black]

Diana T. Black…Story Map

What I learned doing this assignment was that the narrative arc is reasonably covered in terms of the Mission and Action Track but wasn’t so sure about the Villain track. This assignment has saved me about a month of solid work – by mapping the story in this way – the tracks are clear and one’s knowledge and understanding of the narrative (and the characters) just gets deeper/more detailed. I will still construct a scene timeline to chart the A &B story, but I think it’s fairly solid now and will make it much easier to rewrite. However, a question remains. What if the Hero doesn’t know the identity of the Villain who’s after him yet? What if they’re yet to openly i.e. mano-a-mano clash? I’ve only listed the structural milestones here rather than the full narrative arc.

Episode One Only…

As the Credits Roll… V1…[Subjective Camera] – a computer server screen with monetary transactions being conducted across a LAN – one account emptied of $2M with the funds divided into amounts of $20K and deposited into a hundred different accounts on individual computers in the LAN. The final image – the hands of the perpetrator – wearing a unique diamond dress-ring on her right hand.

Opening

Scene: Day One (Friday Night)

V2 (Set-up)…A shrouded body is slashed with a hunting bowie (knife) and dumped into the shipping lane off the Port of Los Angeles.

Inciting Incident

Scene: Later…

M2…Keylan makes a phone call to the airlines (a friend) – Louise was never on the flight.

First Turning Point at end of Act 1

Scene: Day Seven (of the narrative) Thursday…

V11…Keylan receives a post-card from “Louise” stating that she’s waiting for him in Acapulco, with the money. It was delivered anonymously to the Firehouse.

A5…Keylan confides with Ange… wtf is going on? Ange tells him there’s only one way to find out – go there and confront her.

Beginning of Act Two

Scene:

M10… Keylan and V12…Dominic (who he doesn’t suspect) are both members of the Trust’s Board, Keylan confides in Dominic

V12 (Cont’d)… regarding the theft, the postcard, and the invitation to join her in Acapulco, Mexico. Dominic is “shocked” says he’ll inform the police.

M10 (Cont’d) Keylan doesn’t trust the local police after they never recorded the ransacking of Louise’s apartment

V12 (Cont’d) Dominic asks how he knows that.

M10 (Cont’d) Keylan is suspicious – bells tingling and won’t divulge how he knows/who told him).

V12 (Cont’d) Dominic offers to help him investigate bringing “Louise” to justice by sending a team from Interpol to support him in Acapulco.

Mid-Point

Scene:

B-story…Naomi’s Birthday Party is combined with “Family Night”. It’s extremely tense between Victor and Roslyn. Keylan tries to smooth the waters – not entirely successful. He’s distracted by Louise’s disappearance and his recent experience in Acapulco – he discusses it with Victor, who’s not really listening

V17…Nicole calls later that night to pick up Reuben and Lily. They wish to stay over – it’s fine by her. Nicole reveals that the investigation into the $2M theft now involves Keylan, seeing as how he “knew” Louise. “Suggest you get yourself a lawyer – you’re under suspicion.”

M16...Keylan doesn’t reveal that he presumes she’s murdered. V17 (Cont’d)…Nicole walks away. Reese has overheard – he’s never trusted Nicole. Keylan maintains she’s okay – he’ll do much to not rock the boat with her over the kids.

A7…Keylan and Reese agree, the stolen $2M must be found along with Louise.

Second Turning Point at end of Act 2

Scene:

B-story…Keylan stops in at the fire house situation and has Ange drill him for a blood sample – he doesn’t write his name on the label and takes a spare. Ange knows what he’s doing and seriously questions him “…you’re throwing your life and career away for the sake of a man who’s done (Victor) I’ve seen that look before. Keylan, you can’t always fix things. Sometimes people are just plain broken.” Keylan retorts “he’s a brother and it’s not happening on my watch. How many times as he “saved” me, Ange?!” She backs down. He softens, “Besides, I have high standing in this town and friends in high places. I’ll cop a fine and be demoted. Worse case, I’ll be booted out of the force – a small price to pay for a brother’s reputation. Adrian will have my back. “ Keylan leaves.

Crisis

Scene:

B-Story…Keylan arrives at the burning building to find Patrick playing the Hero in front of the cameras – beaming with false modesty while carrying out of the building a semi-conscious child. Reese can’t believe it but is too busy actually fighting the fire. Keylan marches over (cameras still rolling) and tears strips off Patrick who maintains Victor is still inside because there’s another victim, “Mandy”. Keylan hands control over to Reese (Patrick is ordered to follow Reese’s orders to the letter) and then enters the building. Reese has the rest of the crew douse the building from all sides.

Climax

Scene:

B-story…Keylan drags Victor (and the puppy) out the burning room. Keylan cradles him in his arms in the wet corridor. Victor hands over “Mandy”. He’s struggling to breathe. Keylan stares down at his friend’s burnt torso, arms, and neck – 3^rd degree burns. He knows what it means – he’s dying. Keylan in tears and goes to pick him up. Victor refuses, “it’s better this way.” Keylan assures him Naomi will want for nothing. Keylan so upset over Victor, implores him to hang on. Victor dies in his arms. (unbeknownst to Keylan, Victor’s ghost rises out of his body and stands behind Keylan and his corpse). Keylan draws a blood sample from Victor and labels it with his own name… then writes Victor Malena on his own sample. Keylan pockets the puppy and drags Victor back into the fire – he’s virtually incinerated.

V21…Patrick is watching him from the shadows.

Resolution

Scene:

B-Story…Keylan now outside at the ambulance station is confronted by a Police Officer – he must present himself tomorrow to the local police station. The Officer doesn’t say why.

Scene:

B-Story & M19… Keylan pays Adrian a visit. There are bells
ringing…this all has to be connected in some way. Adrian agrees but he cannot
be seen to be helping Keylan. He tells him he’ll hook him up with the best
Defense Lawyer he knows, Emma Kendrick.

[Diana Black]

Diana T. Black…Action Structure!

What I learned doing this assignment is the need for balance between the Hero’s Mission and the Villain Track. I did the Mission Track first, then went back and added the Villain Track. I also took time out to write the complete Beat Sheet for Episode One so as to have the material available for later assignments…but I’ve only listed the key scenes below…

Episode One Only…

As the Credits Roll… [Subjective Camera] – a computer server screen with monetary transactions being conducted across a LAN – one account emptied of $2M with the funds divided into amounts of $20K and deposited into a hundred different accounts on individual computers in the LAN. The final image – the hands of the perpetrator – wearing a unique diamond dress-ring on her right hand.

Opening

Scene: Day One (Friday Night)

A shrouded body is slashed with a hunting bowie (knife) and dumped into the shipping lane off the Port of Los Angeles.

Inciting Incident

Scene: Later…

Keylan makes a phone call to the airlines (a friend) – Louise was never on the flight.

First Turning Point at end of Act 1

Scene: Day Seven (of the narrative) Thursday…

Keylan receives a post-card from “Louise” stating that she’s waiting for him in Acapulco, with the money. It was delivered anonymously to the Firehouse. Keylan confides with Ange… wtf is going on? Ange tells him there’s only one way to find out – go there and confront her.

Mid-Point

Scene:

Naomi’s Birthday Party combined with “Family Night”. It’s extremely tense between Victor and Roslyn. Keylan tries to smooth the waters – not entirely successful. Nicole calls later that night to pick up Reuben and Lily. They wish to stay over – it’s agreed. Nicole reveals the investigation into the $2M theft now involves Keylan, seeing as how he “knew” Louise. “Suggest you get yourself a lawyer – you’re under suspicion.” He doesn’t reveal that he presumes she’s murdered. She walks away. Reese has overheard – he’s never trusted Nicole. Keylan maintains she’s okay – he’ll do much to not rock the boat with her over the kids, but they agree, they must find the $2M and/or Louise.

Second Turning Point at end of Act 2

Scene:

Keylan stops in at the fire house situation and has Ange drill him for a blood sample – he doesn’t write his name on the label and takes a spare. Ange knows what he’s doing and seriously questions him on what he’s about to do – illegal and throwing his life away for the sake of his friend (Victor). “You can’t always fix things. Sometimes people are just plain broken” Keylan retorts “not on my watch/ I will not abandon him. How many times as Victor “saved” me?!” Besides, with his high standing in the community and friends in high places he’s likely to cop a fine and be demoted for being “intoxicated on duty”… worse case, he’ll be booted out of the force – a small price to pay to save Victor’s reputation. Adrian will be sure to have his back. He leaves.

Crisis

Scene:

Keylan arrives at the burning building to find Patrick playing the Hero in front of the cameras carrying out of the building a semi-conscious child – beaming victoriously. Keylan marches over (the cameras still rolling), tears strips off Patrick who maintains Victor is still inside because there’s another victim inside, “Mandy”. Keylan enters the building. The rest of the crew douse the building from all sides.

Climax

Scene:

Keylan runs into the room and drags Victor out. Keylan cradles him in his arms in the wet corridor. Victor peels back the blanket to reveal “Mandy” (a puppy) secured in Patrick’s jacket. Victor made do with just the fire-blanket and ended up with 3^rd degree burns over his upper torso. He’s dying. Victor maintains “it’s better this way.” Keylan assures him Naomi will want for nothing. Keylan so upset over Victor, implores him to hang on. Victor dies in his arms. (unbeknownst to Keylan, Victor’s ghost rises up and stands behind Keylan and his own corpse). Keylan quickly draws a blood sample from Victor and labels it with his own name… then writes Victor Malena on his own sample. Keylan pockets the puppy and then drags Victor back into the fire – he’s virtually incinerated. He’s unaware that Patrick is watching him from the shadows.

Resolution

Scene:

Keylan now outside at the ambulance station is confronted by a Police Officer – he must present himself tomorrow to the local police station. The Officer doesn’t say why.

Scene:

Keylan
pays Adrian a visit. He cannot be seen to be helping Keylan but tells him he’ll
hook him up with the best Defense Lawyer he knows, Emma Kendrick.

[Diana Black]

Diana T. Black…Action Track
What I learned doing this assignment is the importance of identifying and analyzing the action elements and charting the course of action – not only to recognize as to what constitutes action, but also determine whether they are integral ot the narrative (or not), and the structure of the narrative arc – that it’s hitting all signposts etc. The narrative seems much stronger because of it.

Initial Concept

A Lead Firefighter moonlighting as a criminal investigator, is on the verge of discovering a crime syndicate when he takes the rap for a crime he didn’t commit;- presenting his unknown adversary an opportunity to destroy him and his family.

Actions that will show up in this narrative

Chase and Pursuit

Fights

Shoot-outs

Rescues

Escape/Evasion

Dangerous situations

Actions associated with the Mission and Villain Tracks

Mission Track

As a Firefighter and the Captain of his unit, Keylan Millar must have a high level of proficiency in physically demanding situations – saving lives, rescue operations, and fighting fires. Moonlighting as a criminal investigator for his friend the DA – Adrian Tanaka, along with the disappearance of his girlfriend Louise, under bizarre and extreme circumstances, sees him having to fight to save his own life, and save and/or rescue others in peril. Keylan is driven by a need to serve and “fix” things – to a fault… this is a Character weakness – that of taking on the woes of the world and feeling guilty if he doesn’t devote his time to this (harboring guilt from the past).

Villain Track

His adversary (The Villain) – Assist DA Dominic Tarrega, who’s identity is unknown to Keylan and the Audience for most of the narrative (a 6-episode mini-series) will force Keylan to fight for his life, save others in his inner circle (and beyond) – all of which leads to an eventual mano-a-mano between them and a fight to the death. Once Dominic steals the money from the Trust, murders Keylan’s girlfriend Louise, then upon learning that Keylan and Louise are connected, he hatches a plan to get Keylan out of the way – the set-up with the fake Louise (a look alike) who’s apparently absconded to Acapulco, Mexico – forcing Keylan to locate and confront who he believes to be Louise. Dominic offers to help Keylan on his quest to Acapulco, supposedly by providing back-up (Inter-pol). Dominic sees that the Louise look-alike is murdered, and attempts are made on Keylan’s life while he’s in Acapulco. When those attempts are unsuccessful. Dominic frames/implicates Keylan regarding the theft of the $2M – in the bench trial after Keylan has stepped up to take the rap for a crime he didn’t commit (Victor’s death) . Dominic intends to have Keylan murdered while on “the inside” so that he cannot discover Dominic’s (and Nicole’s) crime.

The build into the “2nd Act”, and the escalation to a climax in the “3rd Act”.

This is a 6-episode mini-series and thus the 3-Act structure is not only required within each episode but also across the entire narrative arc. It is also an “Action-Thriller” therefore elements of Action must include life-threatening situations that involve mystery, suspense, and intrigue.

Initially Dominic doesn’t know why his criminal operations as new head of the syndicate seem to fall through/falter. Keylan has managed to stymie the criminal operations (through anonymous leads… given via Alfonso, but he cannot determine the head of the syndicate. All the leads run cold.

With the disappearance of Louise and the $2M funds stolen, it sets Keylan on the path to determine whether Louise absconded with the money and thus he must locate and confront her. He discovers she’s been replaced with a look-alike who informs him that she doesn’t have the money. She’s killed before she can reveal who put her up to this deception. He escapes with his life spared and that’s a mystery in itself. He returns to LA, at a loss and angry/upset.

When Victor goes off the rails and commits suicide in a fire situation – dying in Keylan’s arms (arrived too late to save him from 3^rd degree burns), Keylan is consumed with guilt and takes the rap for Victor’s death. The Judge delivers a sentence of 3 years in prison on an involuntary manslaughter charge. Only Roslyn can “save” Keylan by telling the truth and Keylan won’t beg.

With Keylan imprisoned, the hits/stymieing of Dominic’s criminal operations cease. It’s then that Dominic realizes Keylan must have been involved in investigating the crime syndicate.

Keylan still hasn’t realized that Dominic is the newly-anointed head of the crime syndicate.

Keylan has to fight other inmates who’ve been enticed to kill him with the offer of reduced prison sentences – they fail. Those that try end up in the prison hospital.

Keylan is exonerated. Now out of prison and reinstated he continues his investigation – it seems to point to Dominic. He can’t believe it. However, he’s determined to deliver justice regarding the theft of $2M and the murder of Louise, the fake Louise, and the attempts on his own life.

His need to bring Dominic down is critical with the abduction and brutal attack on his son, Reuben.

Now he’s out for cold-blooded revenge. It will be a fight to the death mano-a-mano.

List of Action Scenes for this Six-Episode Mini-Series – major beats only…

Action: Keylan and his team of fire-fighters (that includes Victor) are fighting a fire – Keylan
rescues Victor – who’s being reckless. The building is gutted. They mop up operations and
return to the firehouse.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Purpose: To give insight into Keylan’s profession, his character, Victor’s, and the close

relationship existing between himself and Victor, and the team.

Action: Keylan investigating a criminal operation, gets a tip-off about a sex-trafficking operation with the victims being loaded onto a ship – he stops it in time and the girls
are rescued.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Purpose: To reveal that Keylan is an undercover investigator for his friend, the DA – Adrian, who feels he cannot trust anyone else. That there is a syndicate and that he doesn’t know who heads it.

Action: While waiting for Louise to arrive in Hawai’i Keylan breaks up a bar fight then retires to his Hotel room. She never arrives.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Purpose: Set up and reveal the theft of funds and the fact that now Louise is missing and
presumed murdered.

Action: “Louise” has sent a post-card to Keylan stating that she’s waiting for him in Acapulco, with the money.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Purpose: Revealing Keylan is walkinbg into a trap

Action: Keylan is attacked by the “nterpol team” and survives. They die in a car accident. He makes it out to the yacht, attacks the two male crew members and pushes their assumed unconscious bodies overboard. He discovers that “Louise” is a fake. One of the surviving crew kills her and attacks Keylan, but his life is spared.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Purpose: To reveal/shed light on the deception (perpetrated by ???) and the fact that he’s failed to discover where the money is gone or the fate of the real Louise. Sets up a mystery as to why he’s still alive.

Action: The highly intoxicated Victor commits virtual suicide in a fire situation. Keylan, late to the scene – Victor dies in Keylan’s arms. Keylan is gutted at the loss of his closest friend. He swaps Victor’s blood sample for his own. P<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>urpose: Keylan swaps the blood samples so that he’ll be charged with “intoxication on duty” rather than Victor. That way Victor’s reputation will not be sullied and Victor’s daughter will receive the insurance pay out.

Action: Keylan, despite the mounting evidence accrued by Keylan’s Defense lawyer, Emma
Kendrick, pointing to Keylan’s innocence, he refuses to co-operate, swears all of his fire-
fighting team to secrecy, and takes the rap for Victor’s death. Dominic ”reluctantly”
throws the book at him. The Judge (bought by Dominic) delivers a verdict of guilty for
involuntary manslaughter and sentences him to 3 years in prison. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Purpose: A turning point where Keylan is about to suffer a terrible fate.

Action: Keylan now incarcerated, has to fight for his life after several attempts are made to kill him. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Purpose: Someone is out to get Keylan and we learn that Keylan is not only superior in a fight, but he also has friends willing to “go inside” to help him, which alludes to the title of the narrative.

Action: Keylan once exonerated, continues his investigation and is on the verge of discovering the identity of the crime syndicate when he gets word from his ex-wife that his son, Reuben has been abducted and according to the ransom note, faces death at the hands of the syndicate if Keylan doesn’t back off. Keylan gets a tip-off as to where his son is being held.. No police with the exception of Robin Marshall will support him (and he was ordered not to get involved). They fight their way into the syndicate’s strong-hold and rescue Reuben – who’s battered and traumatized. Keylan learns (while bashing up one of the Syndicate members) that Louise’s body has been dumped in the shipping channel out to sea from the LA port facility. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Purpose: Keylan’s love of his son. His willingness to sacrifice all to save him. The possible involvement of Nicole (Keylan’s ex-wife) in Reuben’s abduction.

Action: Keylan mounts a rescue operation to retrieve Louise’s body and is attacked en route. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Purpose: That Keylan and his loyal team (except for Patrick Ward) are first-class Divers who can easily mount a Search and Rescue operation.

Action: Alfonso has a secret meeting with Adrian Tanaka, and reveals he’s been the source of
information fed to help/save Keylan. He requests that Keylan go easy on his boys. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Purpose: Some questions are answered- Alfonso has been helping Keylan stymie Dominic and Torera’s criminal operation and saved Keylan’s life on the yacht in Acapulco.

Action: Keylan discovers clues that indicate Dominic and his ex-wife, Nicole are behind the theft of the $2M, Torera abducting and assaulting Reuben. Keylan attacks them – killing Torera. Dominic and Nicole flee. Keylan pursues them, determined to get revenge on them. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Purpose: Keylan’s moral code of conduct is under modification. He’s no longer bound to just delivering justice, but to get revenge.

Action: Keylan and his team are called to a fire situation in the middle of the night. He gets
separated from the rest of the team. Patrick is going to kill Roslyn. Keylan fights him but Patrick escapes with Keylan in pursuit. Patrick tries to justify his actions regarding Roslyn and reveals his paymaster before tripping/stepping backwards into an inferno. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Purpose: Roslyn is “saved” from Patrick’s abuse. Keylan now sets his sights solely on Dominic.

Action: Keylan and Reese catch up with Dominic and Nicole. Dominic in order to save his own life executes Nicole. Keylan doesn’t stop to render assistance and pursues Dominic. The few of Alfonso’s boys who Dominic coerced into supporting him retreat (under Alfonso’s orders). Dominic mortally wounds Reese. Keylan is torn between rendering assistance to Reese and pursuing Dominic. He goes after Dominic who pretends to surrender. He wounds Keylan but Keylan also wounds Dominic. While Keylan is duty-bound to bring Dominic in, it will take little provocation to kill him it will be a fight to the death. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Purpose: The culmination of the
battle between Keylan and Dominic.

[Diana Black]

Diana T. Black… The Villain Track…

What I learned doing this assignment is the necessity for a tightly interwoven narrative based on logic (in their story-world) i.e. the notion of “causality” in the narrative. Every action and reaction on behalf of The Villain and The Hero (along with the supporting Characters) must arise from a decision that satisfies a desire, which in turn is unconsciously driven by a psychological need. For the Villain, this need is power. For the Hero it’s a need for justice.

Original Crime on behalf of the Villain

The Assistant DA – Dominic Tarrega aka the Villain, steals $2M from the LA Youth Community Trust (LAYCT). He and Keylan a.k.a. the Hero, are members of the Trust’s Board. Keylan’s girlfriend, Louise a bank teller and an FBI “anti-corruption investigative sleeper” notices the theft.

In-the-moment plan

Dominic has Louise murdered and impersonated. He frames the fake “Louise” who’s supposedly absconded with the $2M then has her murdered too. When Dominic learns that the real Louise is/was romantically attached to Keylan, he frames him too in the later court case.

Decision to kill Keylan

Dominic has fake Interpol Officers try to kill Keylan in Acapulco. They fail and in turn die in a fatal car crash. Keylan returns to LA and unaware that Dominic is behind it all, keeps him apprised of his efforts to uncover who murdered the real and the fake Louise.

Addition to the Villain’s in-the-moment plan

After an unrelated fire incident, Keylan takes the rap for a crime he did not commit in order to protect his best friend’s reputation. Dominic lies to Keylan – saying as Prosecutor, he’ll “go easy” on him, but then brings forward a surprise witness and prosecutes Keylan on a charge of involuntary manslaughter, asking the Judge (who he owns) to deliver a maximum prison sentence of four years.

Renewed Decision to kill Keylan

Dominic having framed Keylan for the theft and having failed to kill Keylan in Acapulco; Dominic will now see that Keylan is killed while serving time on “the inside.”

The Villain’s Mistake:

The original “Don”/Mastermind of the crime syndicate, Alfonso Azarola (since retired and turning over a new leaf) secretly admires Keylan for his absolute loyalty to his men, even if it means taking the rap for something he didn’t do. While Alfonso was the crime syndicate’s boss, he and his men abided by a strict conduct code – loyalty and honesty within the ranks. Dominic in partnership with Alfonso’s son who have together resurrected the syndicate and believe they’ve inherited the servitude of Alfonso’s men. Dominic and Torera demonstrate – deceit, disloyalty, and treachery – they plan to kill Alfonso in order to steal the vast sums of money Alfonso has raised over the years. They also have no regard for Alfonso’s “Boys”, seeing them merely as tools.

Alfonso’s Dilemma:

When Keylan is exonerated for the crime he didn’t commit and now out – he’s determined to get revenge on Dominic. Alfonso arranges a secret meeting with him. Alfonso is torn between revealing who has now resurrected his old crime syndicate (if he divulges this it would get rid of the unscrupulous, dishonorable Dominic, along with his equally unscrupulous brat of a son, Torera, both trying to destroy Alphonso) and showing respect for Keylan who he secretly admires.

Plan/Hit Contract

Dominic through Torera, puts a renewed contract out on Keylan but Torera’s men (Alphonso’s Boys) turn on Torera and refuse to help him. When Torera kills one and holds another hostage, threatening that if they don’t comply, the hostage will be killed. The remaining men appear to go after Keylan but they don’t kill him and he manages to lose them at sea, destroying their boat – leaving them tied up in a life-boat – it’ll be a long row back to shore and some of them are already wounded.

The Retaliation

Upon their return they inform Alphonso that Torera killed one of their own and is holding another hostage. Alphonso confronts him and Torera lies to his face, stating that it was Keylan who killed both men. Alphonso order a hit on Torera, with orders they retrieve the hostage alive. In the ensuing fight Torera kills the hostage and some of the boys. The rest of “The Boys” gun down Torera. Now Dominic is on his own.

The Villain’s Escape

Dominic flees Alphonso’s boys who have a contract out on him. He almost dies at the hands of Nicole who has been two-timing him all along – she’s also in bed with the old man, Alphonso. She tries to kill him but he eventually overpowers and murders her.

Fitting End

Death by his own mob
(Alfonso’s Boys) turning against him at
the behest of Alfonso, who admires
Keylan for his loyalty towards his fellow firefighters, seeing in him a man of
integrity and character. Alfonso’s boys force Dominic into a building that’s on
fire. It was originally started by Dominic’s partner in crime, Patrick Ward hoping
to lure Keylan and Roslyn to their death. However, Patrick loses the battle, unable
to accept that Roslyn doesn’t love him, and immolates himself in the fire. In desperation, Dominic attempts to placate
Keylan, saying that Torera, Alphonso and Nicole forced him try to kill Keylan.
Keylan knows it’s not true and gives him a choice – confess to his crimes and be
convicted for a litany of crimes including murder and the theft of the $2M or
end it here with a fight to the death. Dominic agrees to surrender but when he
attempts to trick Keylan by attacking him one of Dominic’s men lurking in the shadows
and loyal to Alfonso does it for him.

[Diana Black]

Diana T. Black…Hero’s Mission Track

What I learned doing this assignment is the need for story logic, causality, and creating serious consequences for the actions taken on behalf of the Hero and the Villain… it’s circular with one character fueling the other in a perpetual mano-a-mano situation…a fight to the death. Because the Hero is morally right (although he errs on occasion out of vengeance and passion), he needs to be the one left standing. It’s a lot of fun to create. The following may seem busy but it is a 6-episode mini-series I’m writing in full…

A. What is it about this Hero that has them willing to face of the overwhelming odds?
Keylan has an overwhelming sense of “duty and sacrifice before self”. He can’t abide injustice and corruption, hence his willingness to work undercover for his friend the DA – Adrian Tanaka. But now that he knows his girlfriend was murdered and possible connections
between her death and this crime syndicate he’s on the verge of uncovering, AND the fact that his life and that of his son is under serious threat, it’s got personal. Keylan’s capacity for
revenge bubbles to the surface… whoever is behind this will pay.

B. What is the mission that would be an impossible goal?
To take down the entire syndicate and the chief orchestrators, specifically the corrupt and
ruthless Dominic Tarrega – the current Assistant DA, who has serious back-up via the syndicate and many in the judicial and civic administration ranks (Dominic has bought and blackmailed them into compliance).

C. What strong internal and external motivation could drive the hero?
Internal –
Keylan has an irrational, almost obsessive need to “save” others, especially those he holds dear. This obsession includes feeling a sense of responsibility (deserved or otherwise) for their failures and short-comings. In essence, he can’t bear to let anyone down especially if their demise is in any way associated with his own perceived shortcomings. He feels he should have “been there” to protect his girlfriend, Louise (murdered at the beginning of the narrative). In Episode One, he failed to prevent his best friend and 2IC from what appears to have been suicide. Keylan feels he should have seen it coming.
External –
Outrage over the injustices perpetrated by a syndicate that appears to be growing in strength – murder, sex-trafficking, money laundering, attempts being made on Keylan’s life and his son, Reuben’s life also being threatened.

D. What could happen if this hero went on this mission against this villain?
Once Keylan is exonerated and released, he sets out to uncover the identity and full scope
of the syndicate’s crimes and the identity of its lead orchestrator i.e. Dominic and Alfonso’s
son, Torera. He embarks on a mission to get revenge on both of them – in the name of seeking justice. He discovers along the way, that his ex-wife Nicole, is also involved – she’s in bed (literally) with Dominic and unbeknownst to him, the retired “Don”, Alfonso.

Mission Steps – Outlining the Mission.

Clear Mission: To get revenge on Dominic (and Nicole) and destroy the drug syndicate.

Motivation: Dominic (Keylan’s ex-wife, Nicole, is complicit) orchestrated the theft of
$2 M from the LA Youth & Community Charity Trust (LAYCCT), the murder of Keylan’s girlfriend, Louise, ordered Keylan to be killed while he was on “the inside” for a crime he didn’t commit, and seriously threatened Reuben – Keylan and Nicole’s son. Once Keylan is exonerated and back outside, Dominic and his partner Torera try to murder him.

Inciting Incident: Disappearance of Louise (Keylan’s girlfriend who was supposed to rendezvous with him in Honolulu – she never showed up) and the accusation/implication that she embezzled the LAYCCT of $2M and absconded (possibly to Acapulco, Mexico). Keylan gets a cryptic postcard postmarked Acapulco stating, “If you wish to continue our
relationship, come join me.” .

First Action: Keylan drops everything to go and confront “Louise”. When he arrives, his life is
seriously threatened. He discovers it’s a “Louise look-alike” who reveals she doesn’t have
the money (never had it), and that she was paid to take on Louise’s identity.

Obstacle: When she and Keylan are attacked on the yacht, Keylan fails to save her from
being killed before she can divulge who’s the mastermind behind the deception.

Keylan’s Mission: To discover and bring to justice the mastermind behind this crime (murder
and theft) and locate (and rescue) the real Louise (she’s dead – murdered). He doesn’t want
to believe the fake Louise’s statement that “she’s “old news” my friend”.

Obstacle: He has no clue who is behind this (leads have run dry) and has willingly accepted
Dominic’s offer to help him (thinking he’s an amicable colleague – they both serve on the
board of the Charity Trust) – unaware that Dominic is in fact THE criminal mastermind.

Escalation: Further threats on Keylan’s life on his way back to California. Then when he arrives “home” he’s confronted with the deteriorating mental state of his best friend (Victor)
who’s marriage to Roslyn has failed (Keylan pressured him into marrying her). Victor chooses to escape via an alcohol-fueled suicide in a fire situation. In order to save Victor’s reputation, Keylan swaps the routine blood samples (taken after a fire)… in fact it was Victor who was intoxicated, not Keylan.

New Mission: Once Keylan discovers Louise’s body (dumped at sea) he redoubles his efforts to uncover who’s behind the murder and theft, all the while trying to deal with the death of
Victor. He blames himself for not being there for him. He’s now accused of being drunk
on duty the day Victor died and could face involuntary manslaughter charges. Keylan loses
it with Victor’s wife, Roslyn when she tries to seduce him. Back on the hunt for the
mastermind, clues point to a crime syndicate that he and Adrian (the DA) thought had
been disbanded long ago (Alfonso had gone into retirement) but it appears to be gaining in
strength and still no clue as to who’s responsible. Further attempts on Keylan’s life have
now ceased since he’s been formally charged with involuntary manslaughter. A bench court
case date has been set and Keylan is refusing to cooperate with his Defense Counsel, who
has surmised that he’s innocent.

Overwhelming Odds: When the court-case comes up, Dominic, a supposed colleague, does an about-face (twist) and throws the book at Keylan, who was under the impression that he’d
get off lightly. Dominic maintains he must prosecute to the full extent of the law and is now calling for him to face two years in prison. While in prison, attempts are made on his
life, meanwhile serious threats are being made on his son’s life outside and Keylan is
powerless to stop them. His adoptive father dies of a broken heart before Keylan has a
chance to tell him the truth – that he was innocent. The spurned Roslyn is the only one
who can clear Keylan’s name (she knows the truth as to who was drunk). She reluctantly
comes forward to reveal the truth after being blackmailed and abused by Patrick. When
Keylan is exonerated and discovers that it is Dominic who’s the mastermind he throws the
justice system out the window, determined to get revenge against Dominic, and plots to
bring him down along with the entire syndicate, but it will mean “crossing a line” and he’s
surprised at how willing he is to do that. He’s captured by Dominic’s thugs and that of his
partner, Alfonso’s son, Torera. They’re holding Reuben (Keylan’s son) prisoner and they’re
about to torture Keylan in front of him when Reese and Robin come to the rescue, and
they escape. Adrian urges Keylan to abide by the law. But Keylan’s done with being a law-
abiding citizen.

New Plan: Keylan plots to expose Dominic and Torera – murder, theft, money-laundering, sex-trafficking etc. when he’s secretly approached by Alfonso (Torera’s father and the original Don – now retired). Alfonso wants to come to some amicable arrangement regarding his son, Torera, but Keylan’s not willing to comply – he’s gunning for both of them along with
his ex-wife, Nicole (Dominic’s lover… unbeknownst to Dominic she’s two-timing him with
her also being Alfonso’s lover). Keylan abducts Nicole as leverage for Dominic to come
clean and face the law. He rocks up at the rendezvous and shoots Nicole dead.

Full out Attack: Keylan and Reese have a showdown with Dominic and Torera’s thugs that
include Patrick, who’s started a fire with booby traps (explosives) in an old warehouse
complex down at the docks. Patrick is prey to both sides wanting him dead and commits
to being engulfed by flames. With Dominic and Torera’s thugs dying around them,
Dominic pretends to give up and shoots Torera dead, maintaining that he was the
mastermind and beyond saving. As Dominic approaches them with Reese and Keylan
closing the gap to arrest him, Dominic fatally wounds Reese who dies in Keylan’s arms.
Keylan hunts Dominic down in the burning building. State Troopers – not on Dominic’s
payroll, like many of the local police, have the building surrounded – there’s no escape.
Adrian communicates to Keylan to bring Dominic in – he doesn’t want to but reluctantly
agrees as he chases Dominic into a dead end. The fire is closing in. Keylan berates Dominic
for all his evil deeds then goes to rescue Dominic, but the floor caves in and Dominic falls
to his fiery death.

Success: The
Syndicate is demolished, the sex-trafficked girls are rescued. Alfonso has fled,
and on
his way to Bolivia with his illegal funds now deposited in the Banco
Mercantil Santa
Cruz,
when he’s picked up by the real Interpol and his assets frozen. Keylan is reinstated as
Lead Firefighter of his unit.

[Diana Black]

Diana T. Black – Heroes and Villains…

What I’ve learnt doing this assignment is to give Keylan (the Hero) a dark side and a weakness (penchant for revenge). Over the course of this narrative, he realizes that being “fine and upstanding” doesn’t necessarily pay. This has deepened the character considerably.

Concept:

A Lead Firefighter moonlighting as a criminal investigator, is working to uncover a web of organized crime when he feels compelled to take the rap for a crime he didn’t commit — presenting his unknown adversary the opportunity to destroy him.

Hero – Morally Right:
Fine and upstanding lead firefighter, Keylan Millar, moonlighting (undercover) as a criminal investigator for his friend the DA. He’s on the verge of discovering who’s orchestrating a crime syndicate.

Villain – Morally Wrong:

Assistant DA who bought his way to that post via blackmail, and who is now after the top job, as the DA. He’s recently become a partner in a local crime syndicate.

Hero

A. Unique Skill Set

Keylan can look after himself in a bar fight, is highly intelligent, and a skilled firefighter. His signature talent is probably his ability to stay cool and in control “under fire” (yes that includes literally) in physically demanding, violent situations.

B. Motivation

When he discovers that his girlfriend, Louise was murdered, he’s determined to find out who orchestrated her demise and make them pay. That the culprits turn out to be the ones also orchestrating the violence and corruption involving on behalf of a crime syndicate, redoubles his efforts with the odds stacked against him.

C. Secret or Wound

Keylan harbors guilt from childhood, that’s left him with an irrational and obsessive need to “save” others that he holds dear, which includes holding himself somewhat responsible for their failures and short-comings. In essence, he can’t bear to let anyone down, especially if their demise is in any way associated with his own shortcomings. He feels he should have been there to protect his girlfriend (murdered just prior to the beginning of the narrative) and in Episode One, not being there in time to save his best friend and 2IC from what appears to have been suicide. Keylan feels he should have seen it coming.

Villain

A. Unbeatable

Dominic has recently taken over the crime syndicate created by the retiring Alfonso Azarola. He’s not alone in that Alfonso’s son – Torero, is his partner. They are both cruel, ambitious men who are out to make as much money as possible and they don’t care who they destroy to achieve that goal.

B. Plan/Goal

With Dominic’s source of funding drying up and needing a “war chest” to launch his campaign for the top job as DA, he embezzles a charitable organization and implicates Louise and Keylan. Out of a deep-seated jealousy and to appease his lover (Keylan’s ex-wife) he plans to destroy Keylan. With Keylan taking responsibility for the death of Victor (Keylan’s 2IC and best friend) it has played right into Dominic’s plan of seeing that Keylan is murdered on “the inside”.

C. What they lose if Hero survives

His ambitious plot to take over the top job as the DA will be discovered and he’ll face prison time, IF he survives Keylan’s wrath and that’s questionable.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Impossible Mission

A. Puts Hero in Action

Once Keylan realizes that the “Louise” he has chased to Mexico is actually a fake and that the real Louise (his girlfriend) has been murdered, he’s compelled to get revenge. A dampener on that mission is the virtual suicide of his 2IC and best friend, Victor. In an effort to save Victor’s reputation, Keylan takes responsibility for his death, thinking he’ll get off lightly because of his high standing in the community, but the punishment metered out by the Assist DA (Dominic) is a prison sentence that will see him incarcerated (for a crime he didn’t commit). Now incarcerated, he has to defend himself against thugs with order to murder him on the inside and “get out” to bring to justice (and get revenge) against who is behind the murders and threatening to his son, Reuben. When he’s exonerated and discovers it’s Dominic, who’s backed by a powerful crime syndicate it’s mano-a-mano… to the death.

B. Demands They Go Beyond Their Best
Essentially Keylan is an upstanding law-abiding citizen, albeit a “rough diamond” who’s
working undercover for the DA. However, the mission to bring to justice the person/s behind
the murders, sex-trafficking, and grand theft that includes the original embezzlement of the
Charity Fund, it will compel Keylan to “cross the line”. With the death of his girlfriend, Louise
and the serious threats against his son, Reuben, it’s become personal – he’s going for vengeance.

C. Destroy the Villain
Keylan is willing (t the DA’s request) to “legally” bring Dominic (and Nicole – his ex-wife) to
justice for the violence, cruelty, and corruption they’ve committed. However, they get one
chance to cooperate and when they don’t (he’s secretly pleased at the opportunity for revenge) he’s hell-bent on destroying them.

[Diana Black]

Diana T. Black… what I learned doing this assignment is the need to “just get it down” on paper – hard for an overthinker/intellectual type, but doable. I’m developing this as a 6 episode mini-series hybrid – Action/Thriller. Originally written as a relationship drama, so the challenge will be to have sustained, yet escalating action over the entire narrative arc.

Concept:

A Lead Firefighter moonlighting as a criminal investigator, who’s on the verge of discovering a web of organized crime, takes the rap for a crime he didn’t commit — presenting his unknown adversary the opportunity to destroy him.

Highly Skilled Hero: Lead Fire fighter who moonlights for the DA as a criminal investigator.

Demand for Action: An unknown adversary has murdered his lover, and now wants him dead

Mission: To discover and “make pay” whoever’s behind the murders and corruption before they kill him and his son.

Antagonist: Assistant DA after the top job and on the verge of taking over an organized crime syndicate

Escalating Action: Taking responsibility for the death of his best friend lands Keylan in prison with thugs on the inside ordered to kill him and his son on the outside now under serious threat.

[Diana Black]

Hi Folks… Diana T. Black.

Three Features – one of which was optioned, but Debut Producer couldn’t accrue the funds for that mid-budget film.

One TV Series – the Pilot is complete, table read, numerous rewrites, currently working on the Bible/Pitch Deck for it.

Three Mini-series for the streaming market, one of which is being rewritten as an Action Thriller, hence my interest in this course

Various other projects including two theatrical plays and two novelizations of some of the above – in varying stages of development

I’m hoping to nail down the conventions for the aforementioned Action-Thriller.

Deep Ecologist (former senior science educator for 20+ years), now a FT spec screenwriter. Actor (when I can get the work). Scuba Diver, Fencing Instructor…Empath.

[Diana Black]

Diana T. Black

I agree to the terms of this release form:

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Diana Black]

Diana Black’s LinkedIn Profile is Amazing!

What I learned doing this assignment (and the previous component) is what the specific issues are for me atm:
– Determining out of 2836 connections who are Producers
– Getting over asking people for Endorsements and Recommendations

In the meantime, I’ve gone into the Profile and tidied up all entries – profile, achievements, projects on file, signed up for a month’s trial of LinkedIn Premium etc.

[Diana Black]

Diana T. Black’s Credibility is Going Up!

Over the next 30 days, I intend on doing the following:

– Map the Producers in my Network across multiple platforms (LinkedIn) …

– For those Producers who work in the same genre/s and budget range in line with my current stable (polished scripts and marketing docs), place these Producers into a database

– Contact these Producers – check in on what they’re working on, offer service – if taken up and the relationship develops, ask whether they are open to receiving a well-crafted QL

– Get Coverage & enter competitions once confident that each project is the best it can be

Assignment One: The Checklist

1. Your Writing Sample – have several ‘writing samples’ incl. Features, TV Pilots, and a Short

– ‘Recommend’ from Coverage
For the feature, “Going Alone” – optioned by the Production Co./Producer and a coverage
report was done “in-house” with a ‘Recommend’, supposedly had an Oscar-nominated
Director attached but then he couldn’t get funding as a Debut Producer and lost interest and
let the option agreement lapse. After two requests he did not provide an official release and
it’s still listed on IMDB as ‘in development’ .

– Delivers on the genre in a strong way
For all of my current works a.k.a. writing samples, they’ve undergone multiple and substantive
re-writes in order to ensure they deliver on the genre in a strong way

– Delivers on the business decisions
For all of my current works a.k.a. writing samples, from the outset, as part of the creative
preliminary process, I ensure they deliver not only in terms of the fascinating core/s but
also on marketing formats.

2. Screenwriting Accomplishments

– Contest wins
Finalist for the feature, “E Pluribus Unum” Los Angeles International Screenplay Awards
2^nd Runner -up (5^th) for the original version of the TV Pilot “The Strange Reality Of Sally Parker”
Semi-Finalist for the feature, “Long Path To Peace” BIFF

– Smaller deals (options, sales, writing assignments)
For the feature, “Going Alone” – optioned by the Production Co./Producer and a coverage
report was done “in-house” with a ‘Recommend’, supposedly had an Oscar-nominated
Director attached but then he couldn’t get funding as a Debut Producer and lost interest and
let the option agreement lapse. After two requests he did not provide an official release and
it’s still listed on IMDB as ‘in development’
Unpaid Writing Assignment – a short, “Salvage Operation” for an up-and-coming filmmaker
and I’m slated to receive the writing credit and an acting credit.

– Larger deals

– Movies produced

3. The Google Factor

Google your name. How many items on the first page show you as a professional screenwriter?

Buzz posts, interviews, news reports, etc..
Googling me comes up as “Professional Actor and Spec Screenwriter” on IMDB
Headshots Gallery via IMDB media viewer (as an actor)
“….. spec screenwriter and professional acting.”
“Screenwriter-Actor at Diana T Black” Face Book

4. Your Network

How many Producers are in your network?

– Unknown… need to determine this but I know I have more than a few

How many Connections do you have who are connected to Producers?

– Unknown… need to determine this, but again I know I have more than a few

5. Education specific to screenwriting

– Degree in film or screenwriting
Bachelor of Creative Arts – Drama, Film & TV GPA 3.75, Commendation for High
Achievement, University of Queensland, Australia

– Master Screenwriter Certificate program at ScreenwritingU
Completed all modules except for the last (marketing module)… Pro-Series Alumni, several other
courses – Bingeworthy TV, Thriller, Comedy, Power Players Marketing, Professional Rewrite,
and Subtext classes

6. Borrowed Credibility

– Represented by an agent or manager… I’M NOT and this is what I need to act upon urgently

– Working with a Producer

– Connected to a star

– Connected to a funding source

7. IMDB CREDITS

Go to [url=”http://imdb.com/”]http://IMDB.com[/url] and search your name.
What credits show up there for you?
“Going Alone” – writer
“Morgan’s Corner” 2^nd Unit/Assistant Director
“One June Afternoon” – Robyn
“Yume” – Mother

8. Other forms of credibility related to screenwriting:

– Novels published

– Producer or Director experience

– Experience working with agencies, Production companies, Film festivals, etc..

[Diana Black]

Diana’s Projects and Insights re the Introductory Teleconference

The projects I’m bringing into the Class…
a. “Immortal Avatars” – Budget range: $5 – $15 M
When Alena dies, Richard’s determined to unite with her in the virtual world until she
convinces him to return to life and love in the real world.

b. “E Pluribus Unum” Budget Range: $50 – $100 M
Virginia 1861 – a highly profitable, free plantation supported by famous abolitionist
politicians, intellectuals, and artists, is attacked by pro-slavers. Two former slaves – one a
fighter, the other a pacifist, go to seek help from President Lincoln.

What I learned from the initial teleconference…

– Taking a systematic approach (as a writer) enables you to:
make deals
have an income
get movies made.

– Taking on and excelling at writing assignments increases your:
credibility (work begets work… small deals become bigger deals)
industry connections …both of which enable your own spec scripts to be greenlit/made.

– Working with Producers also increases your own writing skills

– You need to be the most competent person in the room in terms of the process in order to facilitate THEIR creative process/vision

– The process – checking in at regular intervals
– getting approval at every step and on every deliverable so as to realize their vision
– timely delivery of the – Treatment
– Outline
– Script – 1^st, 2^nd. 3^rd draft etc. all of which are working
towards realizing their vision

– As part of the course:
Interviews with A-List writers & Industry professionals

– Spec Screenwriting v Assignment Writing
Spec screenplay take up is largely based on luck – being in the right place at the right time with the right script. Your own singular vision (apart from feedback from peers and industry coverage)
Taking on Writing Assignments entail a systematic process, with a committed Producer wanting to realize their vision that leads to experience in marketing aspects, elevating writing skills via multiple visions (Producers, Directors, and the Writer), increasing industry network (interacting with more Producers – let them know every step you’ve moved forward – your successes)

– Having taken on and succeeded in writing assignments – industry tends to view your own spec scripts in a more favorable light due to increased credibility

– For Writing Assignments, Producers are highly motivated with business decisions 40-70% of the time

– Five Steps:
One: Initial connection with the Producer
Two: “Audition” (e.g. Treatment, Synopsis) – proof that you have “The Chops” and someone
that they can work with
Three: Making the Deal – get a written agreement early as to what is to be worked on/delivered
and when
Four: Interacting regularly and positively
Five: Getting the movie made

[Diana Black]

Hi Folks,
My name is Diana Black. I’ve written 3 Features, 3 TV Pilots, 1 Short and have various works – Features (several), TV Miniseries (2), Shorts (several) and theatrical plays (2) in varying stages of development. I currently work as a FT spec screenwriter (also an Actor when opportunities arise). ATM I’m polishing up the completed Features and TV Pilots to head out and seek representation/management. Hal’s right of course – it’s difficult to sell spec scripts, especially if one’s budget range is more befitting of big prod. companies and you haven’t got a Manager in your corner, so I’d like to have the ability to pick up writing assignments. Something unique…hmm…was a senior high school teacher (science) in conjunction with my formal acting studies… then left academia to do a 3rd degree – B. Creative Arts: Drama, Film & TV. I’ve done quite a few of Hal’s courses… we are in very capable hands… his coursework is exemplary… best wishes to all.

[Diana Black]

I, Diana T. Black, agree to the terms of this release form

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

Diana Black

[Diana Black]

Hi Joy,
Further…I’m actually in Australia atm and very flexible re time…but if you’d prefer to work with someone else that’s OK. Seeing as we’re on opposite sides of the planet, would you prefer to do a “Google Meets” – it’s free, it’s like Zoom but with no time limit and Google is global. I’d like to send you something that we both may find useful for this exercise, but no pressure… if you can send through a “Hi Diana, it’s Joy” to my email address diana@dianatblack.com I can send it to you and also we can confer as to a suitable time for a Google Meet…
Bets wishes

Diana

[Diana Black]

Hi Joy,
Happy to step up re your Rom-Com – sounds like fun and a good challenge…thank you for the offer to step up re Eryn’s Law – a straight drama…My phone number is 310 922 0839 and as I’m currently out of the country, it’ll be conducted via VOIP (so costs you nothing)…when would you like to do this? Are you on the East or West Coast (or in the middle)… Best wishes ..D

[Diana Black]

Hi Tom FYI only if so inclined, other wise ignore

Does Victor die from his burns or something else? From the 3rd degree burns

Why are Ange, Victor and Keylan so emotional. This firefighting unit is very close knit and Victor has been spiralling down into despair for years after his first wife was raped and murdered…he suffers from intense guilt about not having picked her up from the bar (she was a singer) that night of her murder

· Show rather than tell about them pulling back to collapse zone. Good choice – shall do – thank you

· What happened to Keylan’s arm? He drew a blood sample from his arm and he ‘s a teetotaller – he swapped the labels of the blood samples so that Victor would die with honor and his daughter (specifgically, not his estranged 2nd wife) would get his unsurance payout. I think I’ve taken dramatric licence here…with every firefighter at the scene having to prove that they were sober…perhaps this was something that Keylan has insisted upon over the years (he’s a reformed drinbker, but not an alcoholic, which is what Victor has become)

· Why does Reese say, “You gotta be kidding?” That Patrick (the plant/spy) was playing the hero in front of the media, when he’s an asshole and not the hero of the day – Victor was.

· Why does Keylan have a picture of Victor and his dead wife? Victor’s 2nd wife – Roslyn whod’d the day before insisted on getting a divorce, whioch is what put Victor on a sewrious bender) had insisted on meeting Keylan prior to this fire event (which is why Keylan wasn’t at the station when they got the call out)…she’d found the photo it in Victor’s favorite old bomber jacket (before donating the jacket to Goodwill) and to Keylan, is accusing Victor of never having loved her, that Victor was still in love with his first wife. Keylan, angry, took the photo from her – knowing how much it meant to Victor

· Are they LA city or county firemen? I worked in Vernon. It has its own fire department. They could be LA city firemen going to an LA city fire. Yes, the latter.

· A period at the end of a quote comes before the quote mark. Like this: “Wayne went home.” Or, “You gotta be kidding?” Yes, thank you for picking this up.
Thanks again and best wishes…D

[Diana Black]

Hi Tom …here is the feedback re “Terrible Swift Sword” – thank you for sharing…😀

Feedback re Tom Wilson’s “Terrible Swift Sword”

Backstory/Reader Set-up (as opposed to screenplay set-up)

Love the back-story/set-up to this sample…a timely, painful, and controversial issue in real life and this narrative foreshadows a veritable hotbed of interwoven conflict, egos, political ambition, use and abuse, dilemma and sacrifice…ensuring that it will be read and have audience appeal.
Q. The Title…it’s intriguing but I’m wanting to know it’s actual meaning

The Characters

Clear distinction between them with intriguing back stories of their own, each with their own personal-socio-political agendas

We immediately root for Sara and despise General Ratkin

Karim seems dark and brooding… or secretly lost, perhaps desperate
Q. Do each of these Characters have a dark side? A wound? Hiding something?
Q. Why was Karim drawn to the Taliban?

Scenes

INT. PENTAGON CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
Intriguing but I wanted a tad more subtext here and more dynamism re the power play within the scene. If Sara is the Protagonist, she’s coming off as a tad passive. I think you could serve her better with her having something on Ratkin (two can play at the blackmail game) and he knows she has something but doesn’t know what, maybe.
Q. Does Ratkin have ALL the power in this relationship?
Q. If he doesn’t marry Sara, can he “replace” her?
Q. What are the consequences for him if she refuses?
Q. If his future depends on her caving in on this issue, why wouldn’t she be under greater
surveillance?

EXT GUMBO TV SCREEN ON A STREET CORNER – NIGHT (Turning Point III)
The action line, CUT TO …new video…
Matt’s prediction – cool line and nice subtext
Q. Sorry, I was a bit confused as to whether the rioters were white supremacists or the black
mob or two separate groups
Q. Who is Bin?

EXT. STADIUM PARKING LOT – NIGHT
Nice scene in terms of immediate, visceral action and a notable dynamic shift in power (or that is how it’s reading)…intriguing
Q. What has happened between the first scene and this one? (I feel compelled to ask)

EXT. WHITE HOUSE ROSE GARDEN – NIGHT
This scene heightens the tension and we’re intrigued…there’s mystery and intrigue present.
Q. If this mystery person is the only one they control, wouldn’t that mean he would behave?

EXT.PARTY HEADQUARTERS FRONT DOOR – DAY
You raised some very timely issues here. You can feel the intensity in the room – well done. The portrayal of Ratkin is great…we feel his desperation – trying to save his political hide. You’ve captured the politically-driven desperate wheeling and dealing, the compromises, the lies etc. extremely well. We really don’t like Ratkin.

EXT. PUBLIC PARK PRESS CONFERENCE – DAY
Nice scene – we want to take a collective gasp of “Oh, No! Don’t do it!”…so even with just this sample, we are feeling for these Characters.
Q. Is Sara marrying Ratkin to gain leverage with him over issues dear to her heart? If this is in fact what she’s about to do?

INT. JAG OFFICE – DAY (btw… you have an extra hyphen in the slug line)
This scene conveys a sense that perhaps Ratkin is being used or that he’s a liability or not exactly fervently revered…
Q. Why the term “clerical error”? I get they’re trying to bury something about Ratkin, some
political negatives relating to him personally (I think)
Q. Who are these children?

INT. MORNING TV SHOW – DAY
If this wasn’t for the back story/preamble I’m not sure I would have made sense of this scene. Perhaps more banter as to why the change in Ratkin’s popularity.
Q. Could we have more to this scene?
Q. Why do the people care about the abandoned populace back in Afghanistan, when to all intents this was an unpopular war?

INT. PARTY CONVENTION HALL – DAY
Cool and it conveys a sense of doom for some reason. We begin to question why Sara would be willing to go along with this.

Q. What is in this arrangement for her?

EXT. CAPITOL BUILDING – NIGHT
This scene leaves us with questions. We’re intrigued and also wanting to know/understand Matt’s reaction to this footage

EXT/INT. HOTEL PENTHOUSE – ELECTION NIGHT
The tension is mounting as to who will win. I want to know more about what Goodrich stands for.
Q. Who is Agent Patel?
Q. What will it mean if Ratkin or Goodrich win?

EXT. PRIVATE AIRPORT – DAY
Was this why Sara married Ratkin (did he win or lose?) – to retrieve her mother from ??
Q. What is the relationship between Sara and Karim? Why is Sara surprised?
Q. What side/faction is Karim working for at this point?
Q. Why is Sara the Protagonist? I’m beginning to lose faith in her…

KARIM’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
An intriguing scene. I’m beginning to question Sara’s motives. The fact that Fazela says the line, “He’s a good boy. He’ll behave” – it hearkens back to the earlier scene (WHITE HOUSE ROSE GARDEN) where we’re told that he’ll behave… this adds to the mystery
Q. Why does Karim have an apartment in the US?
Q. Why doesn’t Sara’s mother and Karim stay with Sara?

EXT. DC ROOFTOP – NIGHT
Excellent scene – the tension is now really high. There is ambiguity as to whether Karim is being used, how he really feels (about Sara) and whether he will survive the attack on Ratkin. Now the title of the screenplay is becoming clear.
Q. Who is behind the assassination attempt on Ratkin?
Q. Who is orchestrating all of this?

INT. TELEVISION STUDIO – NIGHT
I think this is an important scene to include but wanted more. Goodrich’s lines about “…lie, cheat and steal” …one begins to question how pure Goodrich is…
Q. What does Goodrich stand for? Is he behind the assassination attempt?

INT. SARA’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Ratkin’s passing of blame clearly fuels Matt’s justification for being against him, but I’m still not clear as to exactly why Sara is helping Ratkin to the White House, at who’s insistence…

EXT. RATKIN’S HAMPTONS ESTATE – DAY
It’s become clearer (I think) that Ratkin is into little girls. I’m not buying that Ratkin could be so stupid as to not have hard evidence of his innocence. Not quite sure I get the connection between making an omelet and “…someone’s got to die.” Perhaps the actual cliché statement might work better here. Ratkin seems a buffoon at times and at others, highly manipulative and “clever”
Q. Why the Rubik’s Cube?

EXT. INAUGURATION ATOP THE CAPIUTOL STEPS – DAY
Due to the lead-up to this scene, we expect death and destruction…the tension is mounting. One has to ask how could this evil, manipulative moron made it this far, how could the people be duped in this way, how could they have allowed themselves to be…

Do you have scenes in between this one and Polling Day? If so is there mayhem, disbelief, confusion, and rage? How does Sara feel about it?
Q. How can Ratkin speak casually to a reporter if he’s already on the Podium (along with Sara)? Wouldn’t the Press Gallery be further away?
Q. Would Ratkin allow himself of get angry at this point? Would he not be basking in triumph? Now feeling invincible?

EXT. DESERTED HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL FIELD – NIGHT
Tension is mounting – the attack is imminent.
Q. Who is orchestrating it?
Q. Who is in the old Honda Sedan? Friend or Foe? Does Karim and the “Hooded Figure” know they are being followed?
Q. Is this CIA/Government sanctioned?

EXT OLD INDUSTRIAL BUILDINGS – DAY (should it be singular?)
OK so now we know who is in the Honda Sedan…the tension is mounting. Should Matt, peeking from the Honda be given a SLUG LINE?

EXT.BUILDING ROOF THREE MILES AWAY – DAY
Perhaps some formatting and story logic issues here…it’s reading a bit flat here. If the woman is not Karim and Sara’s mother this implies Sara is complicit with this assassination. Is that correct? We know very little about Goodrich (love the name/double entendre). It seems unfeasible that Capitol security wouldn’t be patrolling out to and beyond 3 miles away OR is there a group intent on bringing down Ratkin from the Military?
Q. If it was Karim’s mother, would she have been able to climb outside the fire escape onto the roof in the preceding scene? And carry the walker? If she steps away from the walker, why does she have it in the first place?
Q. If Karim’s “Mother” is complicit, would she not know how the Sword Drone works?
Q. Is this woman Karim’s and Sara’s mother?
Q. If Ratkin dies, we don’t know who the Vice President is?
Q. Would Goodrich become President? If so, why not install him in the first place?

SCENE SEQUENCE…

EXT.NEARBY BUILDING ROOFTOP – DAY …ramps up the tension
Q. Why is Matt firing at Karim? They both hate Ratkin…this opens up questions

EXT. BUILDING ROOFTOP – DAY ….ups the stakes as to who will be successful

EXT. OPPOSITE ROOFTOP – DAY … “ “ “ “ …

EXT. BUILDING ROOFTOP – DAY … wtf?
Q. Who’s side is Fazela on?

EXT. INAUGURATION ATOP CAPITOL STEPS – DAY
Absolute mayhem…is there in the body of the narrative justification and an outline re the allegiances? btw – a typo… I think you meant “…going to die…”
Q. Why did Sara save Ratkin?

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Overall…

An exciting read and raises many questions, which makes it a “must-read”. Thank you for sharing… I would like to see a deeper insight into these Characters and what is motivating them. Good Luck with the project…

[Diana Black]

Hi Tom,
Thank you for reading …it’s “Terrible Swift Sword” you’d like me to read…yes? I will assume so, unless you advise otherwise, or have another script you want me to read… btw my email is diana@dianatblack.com
Best…. D

[Diana Black]

Hi Tom…hope you’re well… wondering if you’d like to exchange scripts…mine is directly below yours in this forum’s feed… best wishes…D

[Diana Black]

Hi Cameron,
No doubt your son’s float will be just lovely…hope he enjoys the day…time is precious enjoy each day with him…my son’s an adult and “busy”…miss our conversations – he’s an artist/creative with a philosophical bent like me…
To be frank, most of my projects are also action dramas, but I have a few people nudging me in the direction of Sci-Fi (have more than a few projects in that genre…long story). I have an unpaid writing assignment atm for a friend/writing colleague wanting me to rewrite his original Sci-Fi script, which he then wrote as a novel (now published)…so that’s proving interesting…as Hal suggested this is an “audition” as he has a team and I’ve only stepped up to rewrite the Pilot… he and his team will either say yay or nay before i’ll do more, but apparently he really likes where it’s headed…and we’re in very regular contact…so after this one, we’ll see (re writing the series)…best for a great afternoon evening…D

[Diana Black]

Seriously cool, man

[Diana Black]

Hi Cameron,
Sorry for the delay…in catch-up mode…thank you…yes I’ve always been a science nerd – I used to run home from elementary school to see “Why Is It So” with Professor Julius S. Millar, fell in love with Mr. Spock…ended up teaching Science (Biology & Physics) for 20 years…I’m an old Trekkie, Star Wars fan…earlier episodes mainly, but enjoying “The Mandalorian”, the old but particularly the new “Lost in Space”.

Is Sci-Fi your chosen genre specialty?
If you want to partner up on these phone calls… no offense if you’re already “spoken for” I’m a bit behind in the Lessons but catching up…
Best… Diana

[Diana Black]

Hi Cameron,
Nice to meet you. I also write in the Sci-Fi genre and have a tendency to give but reticent to ask… what drew you to the Sci-Fi genre…like the concepts you’ve listed btw…
best wishes…Diana

[Diana Black]

“The Andromeda Strain” is one of my all-time favorite films and the best to offer insight into the nature of “The Scientific Method” to middle-grade students.

[Diana Black]

Nice to meet you… and good luck on your journey

[Diana Black]

Hi Mary… nice to meet you and hear about your journey so far… lots of “gold nuggets” to incorporate into a wealth of career story-writing. Good Luck with “Wonder Horse” and “Hubby Holidays” Yes, as educators, we have a lot of “life experience’ to draw from. For me as a science nerd, where curiosity as to how the Universe the phenomen within works – I’ve just moved the cross-hairs over to exploration of character (via acting since 2006 and screenwriting since 2012) Best for a great weekend

[Diana Black]

Nice to meet you, Susan…best wishes for a wonderful journey…

[Diana Black]

Nice to meet you, Stephen… all of that gives you a ton of “material” to work with in the narrative world… best wishes