Don Ammon
Forum Replies Created
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I am ready to exchange if anyone wants to partner up.
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Act 1
Opening: Four college friends meet after five years to hike into the bayou to look for an abandoned riverboat.
Lori is Happy, at peace with herself and the world
Jeremy is Happy, the leader
Cassie is reserved, happy with reservation
Donovan is Happy, relaxed, confident, joking and free-spirited
Inciting Incident: A local bayou boy warns them away from the riverboat.
Turning Point: Once aboard the riverboat, the boy steals their canoe, stranding them.
When they realize they are trapped on the riverboat Lora is not overly concerned as she relies on the others to make decisions that will save them.
Jeremy takes charge.
Cassie steps up to co-lead the group.
Donovan doesn’t realize that he severity of the situation. He’s still joking and having a good time.
Act 2
New Plan Get off the boat and back to shore
Plan in Action Swim or wade to shore
Midpoint Turning Point Jeremy is bitten by a snake and they must return to the boat
Lora goes inward and stays calm.
Jeremy confesses to having cheated on Lora with her roommate, Cassie, and sent Donovan to take care of her.
Cassie aligns herself with Jeremy and is hostile with Lora and Donovan.
Donovan realizes the severity of the situation and looks for possible escapes.
Act 3
Rethink Everything Lora must stay with Jeremy while the Donovan and Cassie go for help
After Jeremy’s snakebite confession, Cassie feels shame, but must get Lora and Donovan on her side if they’re to survive.
Donovan unravels. Donovan, set up as the villain, He must explain his rapey behavior.
New Plan Reason with the meth heads and get the canoe back
Turning Point: Huge failure/Major Shift Meth heads kill someone. The other returns to the riverboat pursued by meth heads
Act 4
Final Plan Fight the meth heads and take their boat
Lora must band with her enemies to defeat them.
Climax/Ultimate expression of conflict A final showdown on the riverboat
Certain of death, he clears his conscious and is at the mercy of his friends
With Jeremy out of the way, Cassie has the opportunity to become leader if she can defeat Donovan and reign in Lora.
Resolution The urban explores steal the boat and call the police
Lora leaves the riverboat with a new confidence and peace.
Cassie finds that winning is not the high she thought it would be.
Lora
MOTIVATION: To get closure from her college friends
SECRET: She planned the outing in order to confront her “friends”.
WOUND: She feels betrayed by Jeremy, Cassie and Donovan
SUBTEXT: She betrays her friends
LAYERS: Zen yogi but below is a vengeful spirit
Jeremy
MOTIVATION: To reunite with college friends
SECRET: He’s not as successful as he pretends to be.
WOUND: Feels physically inferior to Donovan
SUBTEXT: Hollow man
LAYERS: Below his successful investment banker exterior, he feels incomplete and unhappy.
Donovan
MOTIVATION: Hang out with old friends for good time.
SECRET: He’s not good enough
WOUND: hurt by smarter college friends
SUBTEXT: Unstable
LAYERS: Although he’s strong and beautiful, he’s fragile and damaged
Cassie
MOTIVATION: To rekindle her romance with Jeremy
SECRET: She slept wither friend’s boyfriend
WOUND: Jeremy rejected her for Lora
SUBTEXT: Envious
LAYERS: The “got it together” trainer is
unfulfilled and scheming -
Assignment 11
What I learned doing the assignment is that doing the small steps (previous assignments) makes putting the outline together easier. It’s still sloppy, but I have a framework.
Title: Afloat
Genre: Thriller
Logline: Former friends from college must confront their past resentments, and work together in order to escape the dangers they encounter while exploring an abandoned riverboat in the Louisiana bayou.
Act 1
Opening: Four college friends meet after five years to hike into the bayou to look for an abandoned riverboat.
Lori is Happy, at peace with herself and the world
Jeremy is Happy, the leader
Cassie is reserved, happy with reservation
Donovan is Happy, relaxed, confident, joking and free-spirited
Inciting Incident: A local bayou boy warns them away from the riverboat.
Turning Point: Once aboard the riverboat, the boy steals their canoe, stranding them.
When they realize they are trapped on the riverboat Lora is not overly concerned as she relies on the others to make decisions that will save them.
Jeremy takes charge.
Cassie steps up to co-lead the group.
Donovan doesn’t realize that he severity of the situation. He’s still joking and having a good time.
Act 2
New Plan Get off the boat and back to shore
Plan in Action Swim or wade to shore
Midpoint Turning Point Jeremy is bitten by a snake and they must return to the boat
Lora goes inward and stays calm.
Jeremy confesses to having cheated on Lora with her roommate, Cassie, and sent Donovan to take care of her.
Cassie aligns herself with Jeremy and is hostile with Lora and Donovan.
Donovan realizes the severity of the situation and looks for possible escapes.
Act 3
Rethink Everything Lora must stay with Jeremy while the Donovan and Cassie go for help
After Jeremy’s snakebite confession, Cassie feels shame, but must get Lora and Donovan on her side if they’re to survive.
Donovan unravels. Donovan, set up as the villain, He must explain his rapey behavior.
New Plan Reason with the meth heads and get the canoe back
Turning Point: Huge failure/Major Shift Meth heads kill someone. The other returns to the riverboat pursued by meth heads
Act 4
Final Plan Fight the meth heads and take their boat
Lora must band with her enemies to defeat them.
Climax/Ultimate expression of conflict A final showdown on the riverboat
Certain of death, he clears his conscious and is at the mercy of his friends
With Jeremy out of the way, Cassie has the opportunity to become leader if she can defeat Donovan and reign in Lora.
Resolution The urban explores steal the boat and call the police
Lora leaves the riverboat with a new confidence and peace.
Cassie finds that winning is not the high she thought it would be.
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Don’s budget
What I learned doing the assignment is that with a quadruple budget I could do much more with bigger budget, but I can also make a decent low budget film without live animals, a child actor, a nighttime storm, and gunfire.
How to decrease budget.
Locations: 4
Expensive locations: 1
Characters: 7
Special Effects: 0
Number of Pages:
Crowd scenes: 0
Stunts, chase and fights: 1
Special sets: 3
1. Secondary variables
Music rights: 0
Explosions/firearms: 2
Kids: 0
Animals: 0
Weather: 0
Water/Underwater: 6
Night scenes: 1
Green screen: 0
Extensive make-up: 1
Archival footage: 0
Anything dangerous: 0
2. With a quadruple budget:
Locations: 4 Dock, swamp, trail, cabin, riverboat
Expensive locations: 1 Riverboat
Characters: 7 4 hikers, 2 meth heads n a swamp kid
Special Effects: 0 I would add gators.
Number of Pages:
Crowd scenes: 0
Stunts, chase and fights: 1 a fight between the hikers and meth heads on land and on the riverboat
Special sets: 3 The dock, tea bin the swamp, the riverboat
3. Secondary variables
Music rights: 0 I could add music
Explosions/firearms: 2 The meth heads have rifles, the hiker has a gun
Kids: 0 1 swamp kid
Animals: 0 alligators and snakes
Weather: 0 rainstorm, lightning
Water/Underwater: 6 hikers in the water, gators in the water, underwater scenes
Night scenes: 1 a nighttime storm scene with glowing gator eyes, rain and lightning
Green screen: 0
Extensive make-up: 1 Meth addiction make-up, snakebite make-up.
Archival footage: 0
Anything dangerous: 0 snake bite, chased by gators, gun fire
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Don writes great hope/fears
What I learned doing this assignment Filling in the major plot points gives me a roadmap into the screenplay. HOPE/FEAR makes my screenplay more exciting and emotional.
Concept: Ill prepared urban explorers become trapped on an abandoned riverboat in the Louisiana bayou.
Conflict: The riverboat is a drug lab, their canoe was stolen, they’re surrounded by gators and meth heads in the swamp.
Act 1
Opening: Four college friends met after five years to hike into the bayou to look for an abandoned riverboat.
HOPE: That the trip into the bayou will be a fun time to rekindle old friendships
FEAR: Resentments from the past threaten to ruin the day.
HOPE: When they find a cabin of swamp folk in the bayou, they hope for some friendly guidance as to how to reach the abandoned riverboat.
FEAR: They’re told no boat exists.
HOPE: They hope the swamp folk are wrong and continue deeper into the bayou.
FEAR: Insects and swamp creatures scare and annoy the hikers.
Inciting Incident: A local bayou boy warns them away from the riverboat.
FEAR: The swamp boy warns them away from the boat.
HOPE: The hikers now knew there is a boat and go deeper into the bayou.
Turning Point: Once aboard the riverboat, the boy steals their canoe, stranding them.
HOPE: Aboard the boat, the hikers hope to find interesting treasures.
FEAR: They find a drug lab and drugs.
Act 2
New Plan Get off the boat and back to shore
HOPE: They hope to return without encountering the meth cooks.
FEAR: Their boat is gone.
Plan in Action Swim or wade to shore
HOPE: They hope to make it to shore without encountering a gator.
FEAR: Gators, snakes, leeches.
HOPE: Once on land, they hope to get back to civilization.
FEAR: Someone is bitten by a water moccasin.
Midpoint Turning Point someone is bitten by a snake and they must return to the boat
HOPE: They hope to make it back to the boat again.
FEAR: Covered in leeches, they make it back onboard.
Act 3
Rethink Everything someone must stay with the snakebite victim while the others go for help
HOPE: Two hope to make it back to shore.
FEAR: That loud splash could have been a gator.
New Plan Reason with the meth heads and get the canoe back
HOPE: Two hope that the folks in the cabin have a phone.
FEAR: The eth head kills one of the hikers.
Turning Point: Huge failure/Major Shift Meth heads kill someone. The other returns to the riverboat pursued by meth heads
Act 4
Final Plan Fight the meth heads and take their boat
HOPE: The hiker hopes he can get back aboard.
FEAR: Gators, snakes, leeches and meth heads.
HOPE: The snakebite victim is alive.
FEAR: He is, but failing fast.
HOPE: They can beat survive the meth heads.
FEAR: The meth heads board the boat.
HOPE: They can get to the meth heads boat.
FEAR: A meth head is surprised and killed by the snake bite victim.
Climax/Ultimate expression of conflict A final showdown on the riverboat
HOPE: The two surviving hikers hope they can get to civilization.
FEAR: The swamp boy ambushes them.
Resolution The urban explores steal the boat and call the police
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Don’s 4 Act Structure
What I learned doing this assignment Filling in the major plot points gives me a roadmap into the screenplay.
Concept: Ill prepared urban explorers become trapped on an abandoned riverboat in the Louisiana bayou.
Conflict: The riverboat is a drug lab, their canoe was stolen, they’re surrounded by gators and meth heads in the swamp.
Act 1
Opening: Four college friends met after five years to hike into the bayou to look for an abandoned riverboat.
Inciting Incident: A local bayou boy warns them away from the riverboat.
Turning Point: Once aboard the riverboat, the boy steals their canoe, stranding them.
Act 2
New Plan Get off the boat and back to shore
Plan in Action Swim or wade to shore
Midpoint Turning Point someone is bitten by a snake, and they must return to the boat
Act 3
Rethink Everything someone must stay with the snakebite victim while the others go for help
New Plan Reason with the meth heads and get the canoe back
Turning Point: Huge failure/Major Shift Meth heads kill someone. Th other returns to the riverboat pursued by meth heads
Act 4
Final Plan Fight the meth heads and take their boat
Climax/Ultimate expression of conflict A final showdown on the riverboat
Resolution The urban explores steal the boat and call the police
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Don’s delivering multiple layers
What I learned doing this assignment is that besides layers character layers. I can also add layers to my location and the plot. I’ve probably been doing this unconsciously, but now that I am aware of it, I can do it with more gusto.
I. Chosen Layers for each
Surface plot layer: A group of urban explorers hike into the bayou to check out an abandoned riverboat
Beneath that The riverboat is a drug lab.
Beneath that It’s watched by local dealers and is a trap for Jeremy who owes them money
Surface character layer
Jeremy is a successful investment banker
Beneath that he’s broke drug addict
Beneath that who plans to rip off the dealers that he owes money to
Cassie is a trainer and fitness enthusiast
Beneath that she bands with her ex-roommate to overthrow Donovan
Beneath that she still wants Jeremy
Donovan is an immature, man-child looking for a purpose
Beneath that he is insecure about Jeremy’s success
Beneath that he is clueless as to how he assaulted Lora
Lora is a peaceful yoga instructor
Beneath that she’s a raging feminist
Beneath that she’s a victim of assault by Donovan and betrayal by Jeremy and Cassie.
Surface location layer: An abandoned riverboat in the Louisiana bayou
Beneath that it’s a drug lab
Beneath that it’s the perfect death trap for drug dealers who can easily give the bodies to the swamp.
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Don’s Character’s Journey
What I learned doing the assignment
My mind hits a roadblock when I try to envision the screenplay before I start it. I can see an opening that sends my characters on their journey. How they get to the end and what happens to them along the way are unknown.
Lora
Beginning: Happy, at peace with herself and the world
Turning Point: When they realize they are trapped on the riverboat Lora is not overly concerned as she relies on the others to make decisions that will save them.
Midpoint: Running out of water, attacked by mosquitoes and irritated, Lora goes inward and stays calm.
Turning Point 2: After Jeremy is bitten by a snake, Lora tries to heal him, but is thrown by his snakebite confession that he cheated on her with Cassie and knew Donovan had assaulted her.
Dilemma: Stuck on a boat with her cheating dying ex, betrayed by her roommate and flashbacks to her assault, Lora must find inner strength and not shutdown.
3rd Act Climax: Confronted by swamp folk, Lora must band with her enemies to defeat them.
Ending: Lora leaves the riverboat with a new confidence an peace.
Jeremy
Beginning: Happy, the leader
Turning Point: When they realize they are trapped on the riverboat Jeremy takes charge.
Midpoint: Running out of water, attacked by mosquitoes and irritated Jeremy starts to snap.
Turning Point 2: After Jeremy is bitten by a snake, he confesses to having cheated on Lora with her roommate, Cassie, and sent Donovan to take care of her.
Dilemma: Certain of death, he clears his conscious and is at the mercy of his friends.
3rd Act Climax: Confronted by swamp folk who think he’s dead, Jeremy surprises them.
Ending: Dead
Cassie
Beginning: Reserved, happy with reservationTurning Point: When they realize they are trapped on the riverboat steps up to co-lead the group.
Midpoint: Running out of water, attacked by mosquitoes and irritated, Cassie aligns herself with Jeremy and is hostile with Lora and Donovan, who she sees as not helping.
Turning Point 2: After Jeremy’s snakebite confession, Cassie feels shame, but must get Lora and Donovan on her side if they’re to survive.
Dilemma: With Jeremy out of the way, Cassie has the opportunity to become leader if she can defeat Donovan and reign in Lora.
3rd Act Climax: Confronted by swamp folk, Cassie fights.
Ending: Finds that winning is not the high she thought it would be.
Donovan
Beginning: Happy, relaxed, confident, joking and free-spirited
Turning Point: When they realize they are trapped on the riverboat Donovan doesn’t realize he severity of the situation. He’s still joking and having a good time.
Midpoint: Running out of water, attacked by mosquitoes and irritated, Donovan realizes the severity of the situation and looks for possible escapes.
Turning Point 2: Once exposed as a rapist, Donovan unravels.
Dilemma: Jeremy’s deathbed confession sets Donovan up as the villain. He must explain his rapey behavior.
3rd Act Climax: Confronted by swamp folk, Cassie fights.
Ending: Dead
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Don’s character depth
Lora
MOTIVATION: To get closure from her college friends
SECRET: She planned the outing in order to confront her “friends”.
WOUND: She feels betrayed by Jeremy, Cassie and Donovan
SUBTEXT: She betrays her friends
LAYERS: Zen yogi but below the surface is a vengeful spirit
Jeremy
MOTIVATION: To reunite with college friends
SECRET: He’s not as successful as he pretends to be.
WOUND: Feels physically inferior to Donovan
SUBTEXT: Hollow man
LAYERS: Below his successful investment banker exterior, he feels incomplete and unhappy.
Donovan
MOTIVATION: Hang out with old friends for good time.
SECRET: He’s not good enough
WOUND: hurt by smarter college friends
SUBTEXT: Unstable
LAYERS: Although he’s strong and handsome, he’s fragile and damaged
Cassie
MOTIVATION: To rekindle her romance with Jeremy
SECRET: She slept wither friend’s boyfriend
WOUND: Jeremy rejected her for Lora
SUBTEXT: Envious
LAYERS: The “got it together” trainer is unfulfilled and scheming
Character to Character
JEREMY vs Cassie
CONFLICT: After a brief secret affair, he returned to Lora
HIDDEN AGENDA: Rekindle their romance.
CONSPIRACY:
INTRIGUE:
JEREMY vs Donovan
CONFLICT: He envies Donovan
HIDDEN AGENDA: To belittle Donovan ad keep him down
CONSPIRACY: With Donovan to keep their secret
INTRIGUE:
JEREMY vs Lora
CONFLICT: He cheated on her with her friend and did not protect her from Donovan
HIDDEN AGENDA: He wants to make amends
CONSPIRACY
INTRIGUE
Donovan vs Jeremy
CONFLICT: Donovan feels intellectually inferior
HIDDEN AGENDA: Beat Jeremy, win Lora
CONSPIRACY: with Jeremy
INTRIGUE: He is unaware that the others want to punish him
Donovan vs Lora
CONFLICT: He doesn’t realize their night of passion was assault
HIDDEN AGENDA: He still loves Lora
CONSPIRACY:
INTRIGUE:
Donovan vs Cassie
CONFLICT: They want Jeremy’s approval
HIDDEN AGENDA
CONSPIRACY
INTRIGUE
CASSIE vs Lora
CONFLICT: She slept with Lora’s boyfriend
HIDDEN AGENDA: She still wants Jeremy
CONSPIRACY: women vs. men
INTRIGUE
CASSIE vs JEREMY
CONFLICT: She wants to be his #1
HIDDEN AGENDA
CONSPIRACY: They betrayed Lora
INTRIGUE:
CASSIE vs DONOVAN
CONFLICT: She never liked him
HIDDEN AGENDA: To humiliate him
CONSPIRACY
INTRIGUE
Character Situation:
Dilemma: Each has a different version of their past
Secret Identity
Create a simple profile
Jeremy: 27 y/o investment banker and weekend warrior. Losing his hair and appeal, he strivs to stay active and vital, afraid he’s slipping. His financial success came at a cost.
Cassie: 27 y/o trainer. In college she slept worth her roommate’s boyfriend. While she appears to be a strong, independent woman, she feels incomplete and unhappy with her life.
Donovan: Handsome, lucky and sliding through life on charm, he feels inferior to everyone around him and compensates by being “a dude”. Mr. Happy-go-lucky is full of low self-esteem and resentment.
Lora: The yogi tries to be at peace with the world but has no inner peace.
Compare profiles and look for conflicts.
What I learned doing the assignment is:
I learned to build conflict and relationships in theory. Again, I’m struggling with knowing things about my characters before I actually write them. I’m sure everything will change once I start writing the first draft. I have a lot of gaps in my answers above.
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Don’s Right Characters
1. I thought about my characters and hook.
2. Jeremy tries to use logic. Lora is at peace with the situation. Donovan tries to strong arm his way out of it. Cassie uses endurance and strength.
3. Jeremy causes conflict by belittling the others thinking he is the smartest. Lora is too Zen and her passiveness angers the others. Donovan bullies the others with his physicality. Cassie tries to organize the others into action.
4. Jeremy is the right character. He’s an investment banker/weekend warrior. He has the smarts and the athleticism. Lora, a yoga instructor, accepts the things she cannot change and stays calm. Donovan has always slid through life on charm but now must make decisions. Cassie, always prepared, must find hidden resolve to succeed.
5. What I learned doing this assignment is that having a sketchy idea about what motivates the characters’ actions may be useful when writing he first draft.
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Don’s Great Hook
A. How did this process work for me? I find it challenging to answers questions about a screenplay I haven’t written. I’m not sure if it works for me.
B. What did I learn doing thus assignment? The exchanging components exercise taught me that there is an unlimited number of ideas that I can generate by putting in new characters, settings, difficulties, or reasons for being contained to one location.
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My very sketchy idea for a contained screenplay. I haven’t worked out the details.
Contained Environment: An abandoned riverboat in a secluded area of a Southern bayou.
Contained Characters: A group of ill-prepared urban explorers.
Difficult Situation: Surrounded by gators, short on food and water, resentful exes with their new paramours.
Reason for Containment: Once aboard the abandoned riverboat, their canoe drifts away, leaving them surrounded by gators.
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Hello. My name is Don Ammon, and I’m a screenwriter from Pittsburgh.
I have written ten features and a ten-episode TV series. My first feature, Summerlings, won Steeltown Indie and is pre-production. Two other features made the semi-finals in Diverse Voice and Screencraft Comedy.
I started at ScreeneitingU in 2017 and have taken Proseries 66, Horror class, Creating Dynamic Characters class, Binge-Worthy TV Bootcamp and Fearless Writers.
I hope to write an awesome contained screenplay and successfully market and sell it.
When not writing with two toy poodles on my lap, I grow orchids and care for my elderly parents.
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I, Don Ammon, agree to the terms of this agreement.
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
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Hi Wendell. I’m ready to exchange if you’d like to send yours to donnedammit@yahoo.com
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Hi Renee. I’m ready to exchange. You can send yours to donniedammit@yahoo.com