[Donna Stockwell]

Donna Stockwell’s Hero’s Mission Track
What I learned doing this assignment is I need to keep the hero’s roles and traits separated from the antagonist’s role.
1. Ask the Mission Track questions to discover your Hero’s mission.
A. What is it about this Hero that will have them go straight into the face of the overwhelming odds? A scientist who is a boxer(maybe), and knows all of antagonist’s pain points (but also the reverse is true too)
B. What is the mission that would be an impossible goal? scientist wants to “re-kill” partner since he took the dog’s breath and came back to life with a vengeance
C. What strong internal and external motivation could drive the hero? The scientists are best friends and long time colleagues, but very much moral driven
D. Imagine that mission playing out across a story. What could naturally happen if this hero went on this mission against this villain? Villain talks to the hero’s pain points and evokes sympathy, at which time the villain overpowers him and gains momentum in his vengeance. But when hero recovers (2nd coming of the serum) hero is able to destroy the evil in the antagonist, but also his body dies as well.
2. Use the Mission Steps to outline the mission.
Clear Mission:
Motivation: he and partner investigate essence of dog’s breath
Inciting Incident: partner falls dead from heart attack
First Action: essence spills on partner and revives him, but hero doesn’t know about vengeance that it instilled
Obstacle: the evil power that is brought out by essence
Escalation: antagonist kills his students and makes them followers
Overwhelming Odds: how is hero going to stop the killing spree followed by the evil vengeance
New Plan: re-investigate with science how to neutralize or stop the “rise of the DB’d people
Full out Attack: need to spray new neutralizing serum on all affected – where and how
Success: the new serum works and stops the evil , but also re-kills all the bodies that were originally dead

[Donna Stockwell]

Donna Stockwell’s Conventions!

What I learned doing this assignment is, I filled in all the blanks, thought about it over night, and introduced more depth into the conflict right away. I can hardly wait to see how the action unravels because I have a few directions but not convinced they are the right ones yet.

Who is hero? What makes him highly skilled? – Scientist, Dr F. Ido who captures the essence of dog’s breath and tests it on his dead partner (having heart attack or something)
What is the demand for action? What is it about this journey that makes this action? – essence brings back the dead and changes their personality to evil
What’s the mission that the hero is on? neutralize essence of dog’s breath
Who is the antagonist? the one who is completely bent on destroying this hero? the awakened dead partner – (with cat demeanor since previously partial to cats, owned cats and multiple scratches) – Dr. Leo Steenwyck (Daniel van Steenwyck painted the “Liberation of St Peter”. Dr. Steenwyck is the mastermind of the essence that Dr. Ido took credit for…. now who is the evil one?
How will the action escalate?. Dr. Steenwyck is awakened from the dead, then uses the essence to awaken others to help him take over the world and combat Dr. Ido, and steal Dr. Ido’s procedure to make the essence.

[Donna Stockwell]

Hi everyone, my name is Donna Stockwell.

I’ve written a few scripts and have ideas for another 12, so I’m taking a few of Hal’s courses in tandem to fill in all the details that I think I’m missing from my other drafts.

I love action films and want to be true to this genre.

I am a fixed-wing pilot, and have flown all over Canada and the USA… there’s nothing like the rush of holding the controls and taking off!

[Donna Stockwell]

I, Donna Stockwell, agree to the following terms of this release form.

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Donna Stockwell]

Donna Stockwell’s Life Threatening Sequence

What I learned is these characters are twisted! I cannot believe I can dream up characters and a story like this. This is really getting to be an intriguing thriller!

The Villain’s plan is to make Hadiya make 30 pieces of art, the create an accident — perhaps let the bird out of the cage, and she follows it out and over the balcony to her death… or was she pushed?
Other potential danger hero could come against, while snooping through her apartment and storage room, and eavesdrop on Casey and her “lover” are: poison on leftover alcohol, poison in cleaning supplies – that Hadiya is blamed for killing another artist, pushed down the stairs, car brakes tampered, seduced by Casey’s lover. The could also come from surveillance – constant calls from Casey to Hadi, cameras in the apt & Hadi’s car — Hadi could stumble across the “control room, with tapes, Hadi could be lured into the storage after Casey learns that she discovered it.
Are these other potential dangers all in Hadiya’s head, or are they real?
Other dangers
– the unknown – storage locker
– the unknown –
– knife on the kitchen counter matches nightmare
– cleaning up powder, but clumsy and sniffs the white powder/cocaine
– stalked – cameras in car/apartment, and cars following on way home
– other artists coincidentally die, and make an opening at the art gallery
– stuck door in bathroom, could Casey want her trapped until…?

[Donna Stockwell]

Donna Stockwell’s Mystery Sequence

What I learned is that by working backwards, you can ensure there are enough subplots and misdirections to keep the audience guessing along as to what will happen next. And I started to introduce a more interesting, and more thrilling plot for the villain. And the villain’s agenda is completely different than the hero, but the hero is caught up in the villain’s evil plan by trusting her. This process keeps the two characters’ lives completely separate, and the chance meeting intertwines the stories.

The big secret that the Villian, Casey, is covering up is that she has lost confidence in herself to create art after she lost an art contract.
Since she is one of the director’s of the art gallery, she claims she has no time and makes herself busy with “upgrading” projects and bringing in new talent; she also critiques all the new art that is submitted, with “i would never do that…because” type of statements. She deflects comments towards her making any art with how great her current project is, and glorifies her past accolades.
the first mystery is Hadiya finds Casey’s art tools and materials and asks why she hasn’t created anything in the past week, and Casey dismisses her saying they are off limits to her and never go into the art room except to clean. When she cleans, she finds magazines with art tips and secrets articles and awards in cabinets/closets, and a key.
Mystery – key – what does this key unlock?
Mystery – where is store room? could it have more art supplies?
Mystery – no art supplies, just art – collections with different artists names?
Mystery – good art, but no one knows these artists? but familiar art
Mystery – the familiar art resembles the art that Casey displays as her own
Mystery -Casey has won awards on some of these pieces
Mystery – why is Casey storing all this art, and not showing it?
Mystery – could Casey be stealing this art?
Mystery – all the artists names are missing or dead
Mystery – why did Casey keep the art hidden, when she could sell it at a profit if it was known that the artists are dead
Mystery – Hadiya finds one of her pieces of art in Casey’s possession
End mystery, could she have stolen all the art work in her career, and killed the artists to cover up her tracks?
Mystery Chain 2 – why does Casey steal the art?
Mystery Chain 3 – how did Casey get to be (and stay) one of the art directors for the gallery?
Mystery Chain 4 – Why did Casey finally offer to help Hadiya to show her art at the gallery?
Mystery – RED HERRING – did Casey’s love interest steal or help her steal the art? Why?

[Donna Stockwell]

Donna Stockwell’s Villain Has a Great Plan

What I learned is that I have to make small steps to piece the sequence together, to be convincing and realistic to the audience.

The end goal is to get Hadiya’s art into the gallery.
The Villain, Casey, wants to submit Hadiya’s art under her own name.
Casey keeps Hadiya and her art hidden from the art world, Casey has a direct line to get art into the gallery.
There needs to be a red herring or two, so that Hadiya gets sidetracked and/or distracted, so that Casey can enter her art into the gallery, and have every scene a gradual reveal that Hadiya cannot believe the trust she has for Casey has never been true, and finally sees her art in the gallery with Casey’s name on it.

[Donna Stockwell]

Being creative everyday… edited a 2 minute short, also taking Hal’s thriller class, and very smudgy first draft! Wahoo!

[Donna Stockwell]

Donna Stockwell’s World and Characters!
What I learned doing this assignment is how much more interesting this story is with the multi-layered MIS approach.
Remind us of your CONCEPT and the Big M.I.S. of your story.
CONCEPT – A resourceful artist begins to lose her sanity as she works as a maid and personal assistant to a high society business woman who lives in the penthouse of an exclusive hotel, and starts playing with dirty long hair from the bathtub drain to make “H art”.
Big Mystery: Is the maid really seeing a devil in the woman she works for, is her art that bad, or is she so frustrated that she cannot get the attention of the gallery board to show her work.
Big Intrigue: The penthouse guest really sees genius is the maid’s art but pushes her to her limit before agreeing to help her show her pieces in the art gallery, and keeps her as her maid and adds to her duties to distract her from producing any more art.
Big Suspense: The main danger to my Hero that will continue to escalate throughout the script is Herself, since she puts herself under so much stress that she is not seeing people or her life circumstances clearly.

2. Tell us the Intriguing World you have selected for this story – an exclusive hotel, with emphasis on the bathroom and walk in closet.
3. With your top 2 or 3 characters, tell us the role they play and then answer these three questions:
MAID/ARTIST: Lead character
A. What is the mystery of this character? How did she meet/get the job for the PT?
B. What is the suspense of this character? How will she learn to play PT’s game and gain access to show her art in the art gallery?
C. What is the intrigue of this character? Will she succumb to all PT’s pressure and lose her mind and rights to her art?

PENTHOUSE TENANT (PT) – boss of lead character, and director on art gallery board
A. What is the mystery of this character? Does PT need to submit art to get more recognition on the art gallery board?
B. What is the suspense of this character? How will PT keep the maid from getting access to the board to show her art? Could it be murder? What happened to her last maid/personal assistant?
C. What is the intrigue of this character? Will PT steal the maid’s art and display it as her own?

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Donna Stockwell. Reason: for to add what I learned

[Donna Stockwell]

Donna Stockwell’s Big MIS
What I learned doing this assignment is trying to make the underlying subplot look deceptive to the lead character will be challenging.
LOGLINE: A resourceful artist tries to keep her sanity during her daytime job as a maid by using hair from the bathtub at an exclusive hotel to make “H art”.
1. What are the conventions of your story?
Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: Aspiring Artist
Dangerous Villain: hotel penthouse guest
High stakes: will the quality of her life improve
Life and death situations: getting her art shown in a gallery
This story is thrilling because — the penthouse guest is selfish and stopping the artist from advancing because she wants her to remain as a maid, or is that all in the maid’s head?
2. Tell us the Big M.I.S. of your story?
Big Mystery: What is the main mystery of your story that will keep us wondering throughout the story? Is the maid really seeing a devil in the woman she works for, is her art that bad, or is she so frustrated that she cannot get the attention of the gallery board to show her work.
Big Intrigue: What is the covert, clandestine, underhanded plot that will live under the surface for most of the movie? – The penthouse guest really sees genius is the maid’s art but pushes her to her limit before agreeing to help her show her pieces in the art gallery, and keeps her as her maid and adds to her duties to distract her from producing any more art.
Big Suspense: What is the main danger to your Hero that will continue to escalate throughout the script – Herself, since she puts herself under so much stress that she is not seeing people or her life circumstances clearly

[Donna Stockwell]

Donna Stockwell’s Thriller Conventions
What I learned doing this assignment is every moment seems to be more confusing as the lead character tries to negotiate her journey, and she doesn’t seem to be able to find a way out of the rabbit hole.
Black Swan (Psychological Thriller)

2. Watch the movie and as you do, note the conventions of THIS story.
Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: – Nina
Dangerous Villain: – Lily
High stakes: – be the best ballerina
Life and death situations: Nina wants to be the lead in swan lake
This movie is thrilling because you never know what is real since everything is from Nina’s POV and “undone” when she comes out of her hallucinations and back to reality.

3. What is the BIG Mystery, Intrigue, and Suspense of this story?
Big Mystery: will Nina play the lead?
Big Intrigue: Leroy and Lily both seem to have it in for Nina, but could this be her own imagination and hallucinations?
Big Suspense: Will Leroy take away the lead from Nina – how will Nina adapt?

4. Anything else you’d like to say about what made this movie a great thriller?
The sympathy that the audience feels for the dedication and perseverance of Nina to keep the lead role.

[Donna Stockwell]

Hi everyone! I’m Donna Stockwell and have written a couple of features and TV episodics.

I’m also currently taking the 30-day script writing course, since I’ve taken to challenge myself to writing 12 scripts this year… and I realized I have some ideas for a psychological thriller, but definitely need a boost to give my movie a boost in the “write” direction!

Something unique about myself, is that I am a pilot, and just learned that the pilots flying over the superbowl were all female… so, juices are flowing to write a story about that.

[Donna Stockwell]

I, Donna Stockwell, agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Donna Stockwell]

Donna Stockwell’s Character Profile Part 2
What I learned doing this assignment is People are complicated, and expect and enjoy complicated characters to empathisize, root for and throw tomatoes at (figuratively).
PROTAGONIST
Role in the story: Protagonist, maid who is taking art classes
Age range and Description: 30’s, plus a very brief physical description combined with some kind of insight into who the character is.
Internal Journey: The character feels all this working in order to get art lesson has gone for naught as she turns 35, she feels her life is over… not married, except to her art, no prospects of selling art, just at a stale life despite her efforts.
External Journey: She has been working herself to her bones as a maid and bearing the wrath of the owner of the hotel for years. Her art teacher dies suddenly after telling her that she has no hope of ever being a “true artist” since she “does not feel enough”. The replacement teacher and classmates show up to her 35th party, and the teacher is very impressed by her work, and shows her the ropes of getting noticed and selling art at gallery showing.
Motivation:
Their want (usually to achieve a goal) – to start selling her art, and not work as a maid
Their need ( a base internal state that is missing for them) — recognition, money, to stop inhaling the unhealthy cleaning products AND latex gloves that she is allergic to
Wound: Got this job as a favour from hotel owner to her godmother , since her (almost criminal?) past, and hotel owner reminds her of it, and that she doesn’t deserve to be her personal maid (ie should be grateful for it)
Mission/Agenda: Mission: A special assignment or objective a character takes on. Agenda: A plan; something being promoted. In both, you are looking for the character’s purpose that is usually covertly hidden.
Secret: She has only given herself until her 35th birthday to be successful in the art industry, at which time, she’ll just give up
What makes them special? she uses mixed media… stealing from the hotel to bring the unexpected to her art… including the hair from the hotel owner, which is the piece of the puzzle to make her an overwhelming over-night sensation.

What draws us to this character? Everyone has dreams of being extremely talented and recognized in an area that is very important to them. While the audience watches someone achieve their dreams, it gives hope to the audience of achieving their own dreams.
Traits: ambitious, intelligent, humble
Subtext: answers politely to demands and instructions, but doesn’t enjoy taking verbal abuse and negativity
Flaw: she is not recognized in society or rich
Values: she is honest and respectful of others, takes pride in her work
Irony: she has to pretend she is well-known in order to be recognized in the art community
What makes this the right character for this role? she is a hard worker and creative, and sees things in a different perspective than the ordinary person.

ANTAGONIST
Role in the story: antagonist -owner of hotel and lodger of penthouse, maid’s boss
Age range and Description: 60’s, well known in the art district, best friends with art gallery owner, makes trouble for maid whenever she can
Internal Journey: She belittles others so that she feels good about herself
External Journey: She tries to stop the maid from leaving, because she wants to keep her as the maid/control. Shocked that what propels her forward to achieve her goal is right under her nose (the maid), and starts treating her differently — tries to control her to her advantage. (Change control as maid to control as artist AND maid)
Motivation:
Their want (achieve a goal) – become chair of the Art Board of Trustees
Their need – control of people, especially to do “menial” tasks (ie something she would never do, due to society status), keep social status
Wound: she is paranoid and superstitious, which lends to her OCD
Mission/Agenda:
Mission: A special assignment or objective a character takes on.
Agenda: she is trying to become chair of the Art Board of Trustees
(purpose that is usually covertly hidden).
Secret: She tries to hide her OCD by being more demanding and aggressive.
What makes them special? She is very direct and demanding. She is a sociopath.
What draws us to this character? She is successful, and respected by others.
Traits: she is narcissistic, condescending, and controlling
Subtext: she is too ambitious and manipulates people to think that her thoughts are their own
Flaw: fear of failure, she uses others and their work in order to become more well-known and respected, she believes she is smarter than everyone she encounters
Values: she values money and societal recognition, and of course herself
Irony: she continually steps over the maid when it is the maid’s art that she needs to catapult herself into the position of Chair of the Art Board
What makes this the right character for this role? She is an artist herself and over-ambitious, and has had a lot of press coverage.

[Donna Stockwell]

What I learned from this assignment is how much more interesting my characters become and the possibilities of endless comedy with their additional layers.

2. Pick the type of role your Protagonist will play and give us a few sentences on how they will fulfill that role.

Dreamer – a woman in her 30s dreams of being a famous artist as she vacuums hallways and cleans the dirtiest of bathrooms in a 6-star hotel in Miami, and uses the hair clogged in the bathtub for inspiration… and the actual media for her art!
3. Pick the type of role your Antagonist will play and give us a few sentences on how they will fulfill that role.
Predator- The shark, serial killer, narcissist. no empathy for anyone. Lives on penthouse of hotel and gives maid (dreamer) bad time and complains every day and leaves no tip. She owns the prestigious hotel, and good friends with the top art gallery owner in Miami

4. What other characters might be necessary?
Supporting characters: hotel manager, art gallery owner (Serge from Beverly Hills Cop), best friend,
Minor roles: art teacher, replacement art teacher
Background characters: other hotel customers & staff, surfers, gallery opening attendees
5. Pick your genre.
Comedy/drama
(Both the Protagonist and Antagonist will be clear. They operate as enemies, causing the appropriate damage for the genre. Action characters are more geared toward physical conflict, while Drama characters will be primarily experiencing emotional and mental conflict., Contrasts are designed to create laughs)

6. Fill in whatever answers come to you about your lead character profiles.

PROTAGONIST
Role in the story: Protagonist, maid who is taking art classes
Age range and Description: 30’s, plus a very brief physical description combined with some kind of insight into who the character is.
Internal Journey: The character feels all this working in order to get art lesson has gone for naught as she turns 35, she feels her life is over… not married, except to her art, no prospects of selling art, just at a stale life despite her efforts.
External Journey: She has been working herself to her bones as a maid and bearing the wrath of the owner of the hotel for years. Her art teacher dies suddenly after telling her that she has no hope of ever being a “true artist” since she “does not feel enough”. The replacement teacher and classmates show up to her 35th party, and the teacher is very impressed by her work, and shows her the ropes of getting noticed and selling art at gallery showing.
Motivation:
Their want (usually to achieve a goal) – to start selling her art, and not work as a maid
Their need ( a base internal state that is missing for them) — recognition, money, to stop inhaling the unhealthy cleaning products AND latex gloves that she is allergic to
Wound: Got this job as a favour from hotel owner to her godmother , since her (almost criminal?) past, and hotel owner reminds her of it, and that she doesn’t deserve to be her personal maid (ie should be grateful for it)
Mission/Agenda: Mission: A special assignment or objective a character takes on. Agenda: A plan; something being promoted. In both, you are looking for the character’s purpose that is usually covertly hidden.
Secret: She has only given herself until her 35th birthday to be successful in the art industry, at which time, she’ll just give up
What makes them special? she uses mixed media… stealing from the hotel to bring the unexpected to her art… including the hair from the hotel owner, which is the piece of the puzzle to make her an overwhelming over-night sensation.

ANTAGONIST
Role in the story: antagonist -owner of hotel and lodger of penthouse, maid’s boss
Age range and Description: 60’s, well known in the art district, best friends with art gallery owner, makes trouble for maid whenever she can
Internal Journey: She belittles others so that she feels good about herself
External Journey: She tries to stop the maid from leaving, because she wants to keep her as the maid/control. Shocked that what propels her forward to achieve her goal is right under her nose (the maid), and starts treating her differently — tries to control her to her advantage. (Change control as maid to control as artist AND maid)
Motivation:
Their want (achieve a goal) – become chair of the Art Board of Trustees
Their need – control of people, especially to do “menial” tasks (ie something she would never do, due to society status), keep social status
Wound: she is paranoid and superstitious, which lends to her OCD
Mission/Agenda:
Mission: A special assignment or objective a character takes on.
Agenda: she is trying to become chair of the Art Board of Trustees
(purpose that is usually covertly hidden).
Secret: She tries to hide her OCD by…
What makes them special? She is very direct and demanding. She is a sociopath.

[Donna Stockwell]

Subject line: Donna Stockwell’s Transformational Journey
What I learned doing this assignment is that there are so many stories that bud from any inspiration.
Logline – A frustrated artist works as a maid to use her environment for inspiration to spin the world of mixed media art in hotels, and gets a little revenge along the way.
My Hero, Charisse, is a young budding artist who is doomed to cleaning hotel rooms to pay the rent. She takes abuse from some residents, one in particular who has long dark hair that gets trapped in the bathtub. Charisse picks out the long dark hair from the drain and splatters it onto a sheet beside the bathtub. She starts playing with it, and voila! art is born! Charisse starts selling this hair art under a pseudonym and becomes well known, and more confident, until the final piece of karma comes her way – the hair art is hung on the walls of the hotel.
Internal Journey: (mind/emotions) from weak and afraid to confident and happy
External Journey: (action/experience) from poor maid to wealthy renowned artist

Old Ways – Charisse internalizes her emotions as she takes abuse from employers and rich people, and deflects them into her art.
New Ways – Charisse looks at other peoples emotions and interprets how she would conquer sadness and frustration of the world through her “hair art”.

[Donna Stockwell]

I, Donna Stockwell, agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Donna Stockwell]

Hi everyone, my name is Donna Stockwell. I’ve written a few features and pilots, but not happy with them, started a couple of solid stories in the Binge Worthy for TV class, but alas did not finish them. I hope to be able to get a dozen scripts written this year, even if it’s only the first or second version of them. All of me is unique, special, strange and unusual, but one this I’ll share for now is that my husband and I are starting a car dealership, and there are about 17 cars sitting in the driveway, ranging from Bentleys to convertibles to Rams… hard to choose which car to drive every day!

[Donna Stockwell]

What I learned rewriting my character is that he needs to explain himself through his actions and some dialog of self-professing power (although seems encrypted by the main character), which triggers events to leading to the ending. I have to figure out how to keep empathy for the main character and not have a simple straight dot-to-dot ending that the audience can figure out.

[Donna Stockwell]

I realized that I need to inject a stronger turning point to make my audience feel more empathy towards my character.

[Donna Stockwell]

· Where do you see attraction show up for Ally?
– Ally knows Jack’s reputation and status in the music industry, and very flattered he would pay attention to her. The attraction is constant in every moment, every glance, every action of the scene (and the whole movie for that matter)
· Where do you see attraction show up for Jack?
– Jack was delighted to hear a fresh, new voice in the bar, and since he has no life to speak of, he thought he’d be amused by her for an evening, but totally blown away at her songwriting skills, and her charisma, and her attention to him.
· What is causing that attraction?
– mutual respect for music and their contribution (past, present and future) to music

· What drama is this scene built around?
– She is trying to impress him long enough to stay and care about her and her career
· What profile items (right character, traits, secret, wound, future) showed up in these two character’s words and actions?
Right character – both are very talented… can sing and write songs and have lots of charisma
Traits – Ally – young, naive, energetic, songwriter, singer, enamoured by musicians who made it
Jack – older, songwriter, singer, made it in the business, clobbered by the business, forgot himself, buries himself in alcohol to fill the emptiness
Secret – Ally doesn’t know how to make it big in the industry, Jack is close to being a washout
Wound – both are lonely and untrusting people
Future – they both can see how the other can help each other in the future (both near future and long term)

What I learned rewriting my character is to use another character to enlighten each other with traits that they are missing, to move the story and the individual character’s journeys forward.

[Donna Stockwell]

The three characters provide such a dynamic relationship between each pair with the third being the audience, where if the audience wasn’t present we wouldn’t be privy to past history and traits of each character individually as well as those in a relationship. It also provides a lot of intrigue for future possibilities, and what each character needs to do in order to make the desired change in their journey as well as the desired interest to join on their journey.

[Donna Stockwell]

The new coach is happy, optimistic and confident.

He gets shot down by other white coaches for the size of the manual for the plays, but has confident come-back of its success.
He is greeted by fellow black making a bond.
He gets shot down by white captain of the team about his status and how he wants to work the team, but twists his words (beginning with his name), and tells him how to grow up — new family arrangements with the team and himself, and puts the children in their places, first loudly and publickly, and then privately when insisting on respect namely answering the coach’s questions, following orders immediately and wearing clothes properly.

There is always school rivalry, so when two schools join, there is always dissension. This is exaggerated because of the race and culture divide.. shown by the white coaches/black coach initial interaction, and the young white captain/ older black coach vying for power, and further shown with the bonding of the two black men.
So, there are many levels of power struggles in this scene: age, race, school loyalty, past experience and accolades, confidence of self with no one around, confidence of self with an audience, and respect. The new coach uses subtle psychology on others to reverse their thoughts and become streamlined with his vision, both for football goals as well as how each player treats the rest of the team.

[Donna Stockwell]

These two characters are mismatched in many ways – jobs, experience, race, family, tone, speech patterns, wealth, class, dress, education, negotiation skills, and street smarts.
They have to get over the master-servant issue, the race issues, the job duties
The future is going to be reversed, where Tony issues the orders to Don in order to keep him safe.
The scene is built around the need for Don to hire a driver/security guard, and Tony’s need for money. Both wish to keep their self respect and honour the other’s desire to keep their self respect. While the future will bring conflict between them and external conflict, the respect for each other will be upheld.

[Donna Stockwell]

What I learned, characters can stare at each other, call each other names, dare each other in subtext, instigate conflict with actions, and while the other character watches and listens and doesn’t make a move, conflict rises dramatically and the audience wonders what will happen next, and how much egging on one can take. There are many ways the Tombstone scene escalated the tension: direct eye contact, almost nose-to-nose dialog, non-wavering stature, name calling, showing off guns, conversing in another language… all while isolating the rest of the room, who are just as inquisitive as the audience with every word and action during the scene.

[Donna Stockwell]

These two (Red and Seabiscuit) belong together since they are both being treated the same by others, and retaliating responses to the others’ treatments in the same way… they both have similar outlook towards how the world treats them.
Right character – since the world is treating both Red and Seabiscuit the same, they have the same responses and outlook on life; the trainer has a keen eye and looking for a winning combination
traits – high spirited, driven, fend for themselves / fighters, anger ; the trainer is an enabler
secret – Red and Seabiscuit are each outstanding characters in their own right,
wound – how others treat both Red and Seabiscuit; the trainer will not let a horse beat him
future – they are meant to be friends; the trainer is destined to finally pair his horse with a jockey

Belonging together and the future can be shown by similar circumstances happening simultaneously to the two characters (humans or animals) who are destined to be together, in which they have similar or comparable responses.
And, the trainer’s simple action of viewing both Red and Seabiscuit in similar circumstances with a similar response, is the key to their future (all three characters).

[Donna Stockwell]

What I learned rewriting my characters:
I need to infuse hints of “living in the future with a character” into the scene, with subtle actions – simultaneous, agreement, positive answers to their wounds.

[Donna Stockwell]

Insights
relationship – Annie & Sam – Annie feels for Sam being put on the spot by the doctor; and they are living their future (of belonging together) in this phone call, with their agreement and simultaneous responses (dialog and actions) to the doctor’s questions and comments.
relationship – Jonah & Sam – Sam loves his son very much, and understands he needs to put his own life aside to help his son get through the heartache of losing his mother
relationship – Dr. & Sam – Sam is reluctant to answer the doctors questions, but opens up when he understands he is doing this to help his son although still with hesitation and reluctancy
relationship – Dr & Annie — the trust and loyalty that Annie listens to the show and mixed feelings of the questions that the Dr asks of Sam

Annie is tuned in by radio and by heart to hear and start to need Sam. And revolving around Christmas, this movie makes special connections of the heart as if they are both asking Santa (the radio psychiatrist) how to fill the space in their lives, and she is leading both of them to each other (their answer to their future happiness).
Right Character – Sam is a loving father who puts his son’s needs ahead of himself, and trying to make this Christmas special for his sad son; coincidentally, his son is doing the same. Annie yearns for some happiness in her life and wants to give her love.
Traits – vulnerable, memories that cannot be recreated, hope everyday to find answers to fill the pain of losing a close loved one. Annie reaches out in hope that Sam and his son be happy. All three seem to be loving, caring, hopeful characters.
Secrets – Sam doesn’t know how to make Christmas special for his son since he always relied on his wife.
Wounds – Sam and Jonah are hurt and feel empty and lost without a loving woman in their lives. Annie is alone in her car driving, originally perhaps to nowhere.
Living into their future – Annie may be driving to her future, and connecting on a “radio frequency” with Sam and Jonah foreshadowing the meeting and connection in their future.

[Donna Stockwell]

What I learned is “action speaks louder than words” gives the character a more powerful trait, and leaving the audience to side with the character or be shocked that the situation can turn so quickly on a dime… and wondering what will happen next, ie how the characters will continue a relationship with such overt but seemingly resolute character traits.

[Donna Stockwell]

I learned there can be a lot of entertainment revolving around each trait revealed and each secret revealed, and the writer is able to really stretch the imagination to keep the audience engaged and intrigued.

[Donna Stockwell]

What I learned is to play on one character by having another character’s traits push the first one into self-awareness and out of self-doubt.

[Donna Stockwell]

I think if I had watched the whole movie, more character traits and hidden meanings may appear. But for now, at this college bar where it’s routine for guys to try to pick up girls, this is what I see.

GOOD WILL HUNTING
1 – traits
Will – (Matt Damon) – janitor – genius, protective of underdog/injustice, confident, photographic memory
Skylar – (Minnie Driver) – amused by boys trying to impress her, respectful, laid back, confident in herself
Chuckie – (Ben Affleck) – a bit shy, wanting a girlfriend, trying to play along and not make waves
2 – drama to trigger & deliver the traits – boys trying to impress girls at a pick-up bar
– group picked a Harvard bar because – it was close to school, girls are hot and intelligent, very social and easy to talk to everyone; enforce the contrast of learning from books rather than applying knowledge.

What I learned rewriting my scene/character is to contrast traits, looks can be deceiving, and seemingly contradicting traits can surface at unexpected times.

[Donna Stockwell]

I, Donna Stockwell, agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Donna Stockwell]

Hi, I’m Donna Stockwell.

I’ve written 3 scripts, working on 2 and have ideas for a couple more, and one is intensely character driven.

I’ve taken Hal’s TV Binge Course, and cannot believe how much I learned, so I “expect” 🙂 the same for just characters… and by the intro analysis of the Devil Wears Prada, I am so excited!

I am taking movie making at the local college.

[Donna Stockwell]

Donna Stockwell

I agree to the terms of the release form.

[Donna Stockwell]

Title: Who’s Watching Who
One hour serial: Drama with criminal notes, inspired by a true story.

Concept: A seemingly stable family is disrupted when the mother shows her daughter how to treat her boyfriend which turns into an affair (and elopement), and the husband looks for solace in prostitutes and murders his boss’ friend… and turns into a prime candidate to handle situations for the prostitute’s john.

Summary:
Expecting a home-cooked family dinner, an average home-security salesman returns home after a long day to an empty house.

He should have noticed his wife’s attention to the handyman was more than a natural interest as their daughter’s boyfriend. She left a note that she intends to marry the love of her life who is half her age.

His sadness is set aside as his testosterone shoots up, when he meets his boss’ friend, a prostitute, but peeks when their heated affair turns into murder.

What to do with the body?

His mother is buried in a near-empty vault. When he brings the body to hide it in the vault, his brother is there holding his mother’s body, talking to her as if he’s a little boy.

His boss is threatened by her John, who is the real owner of the home-security store, when her friend does not show.

But the security cameras show what happened. Now he is obliged to continue killing on John’s demand.

Episode Structure: Over the course of the show, we see
How the divorced man gets caught by the prostitute’s John, and gets contracted as a serial killer to kill politicians who do not comply
how a pimp manipulates his prostitutes through a facade of a home-security shop
the underworld of how bodies are hidden in graves
If (and how) an awkward relationship between the mother and daughter can be repaired

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Donna Stockwell. Reason: capitalized the title

[Donna Stockwell]

Donna Stockwell Finished Act 1 First Draft

Before doing the assignment, I went over the high speed writing rules and gave myself an empowering self-talk. What I learned doing this assignment (High Speed Writing Rules for Act 1) is that I’m running the dialog in my head and watching the scene play out as I write. I gave a quick glance to check that I had included all the points from the outline. I need to look up some phrases for some subtext and noted it for my next draft of Act 1. And, lo and behold, another spark of intrigue came to mind, and another mystery and open loop was added to later episodes.

[Donna Stockwell]

Donna Stockwell’s High Speed Writing

What I learned doing this assignment is I closed my eyes to see the images, and they became very vivid, playing in my head.

My experience of using the High Speed Writing Rules as I wrote my teaser: I had a vague image of what I wanted to show, and I just started writing piece by piece with this template, and it flows so quickly!

[Donna Stockwell]

Donna Stockwell’s Scene Requirements

What I learned doing this assignment is how segmented a story is, and how much more the story flows and becomes enhanced when the segments are addressed individually.

ACT 1 – Intriguing World. – Int. Cemetery Vault— THURSDAY Night 7pm
Ben is dragging a body in, and is spotted by a Ben’s brother who is lovingly holding and talking to a corpse (their mother).
Ben’s brother, Jasper, on floor of vault whispering to dead mother, while in the background Ben is carrying a woman’s body and hiding her. Ben approaches Jasper and tells him it’s time to go home. Jasper begs for a few more minutes, but calmly Ben insists that mother needs rest.
Open Loop: who is the dead woman? Why is he burying her in mother’s vault?
Hidden Layer: Ben is dragging his boss’ dead friend into his mother’s vault
Mystery: did he kill her and how?
MM – Why is Ben dragging a body into an occupied vault in the middle of the night?
SM – what really happened
SM – How could Ben explain this to the other man in the vault
SM – Who is the woman that Ben killed
SM – who will miss the woman that Ben killed
SM – Who is the other man in the vault and what is he doing
Empathy/Distress: Jasper upset about mother, Ben worried he’s going to tell someone about the body.
EMPATHY – Ben considers his brother’s feelings on surface, while hidden agenda is that he doesn’t want brother to tell.
Payoff: Jasper is now Ben’s ally
Irony: Ben wants to kill women and Jasper wants his mother alive

a. As Ben and Jasper leave the vault, Jasper notices the body and gets himself upset that mother is not used to company. Ben once again calms Jasper that mother asked for help, Jasper says he should stay instead, but finally Ben convinces Jasper they should go home.
Start:
Challenging Situation:
Conflict:
Action:
Finish:

On the way home Ben considers how to get Jasper not to tell anyone about mother’s new friend, explaining don’t want to scare the friend away. Jasper is sounding board, yes man (boosts Ben’s confidence in his actions), and conscious (like jimmy cricket) and Ben controls Jasper by calling him Cricket.
Intriguing World: grave-digging the vault in a cemetery
Intrigue: someone is dragging a body in, and is spotted by a man who is holding a corpse
MM – Why is Ben dragging a body into an occupied vault in the middle of the night?
SM – what really happened
SM – How could Ben explain this to the other man in the vault
SM – Who is the woman that Ben killed
SM – who will miss the woman that Ben killed
SM – Who is the other man in the vault and what is he doing
Hidden Layer: Ben is dragging his boss’ dead friend into his mother’s vault
Act 1 Turning Point: Ben convinces brother that mother needs friend
EMPATHY – Ben considers his brother’s feelings on surface, while hidden agenda is that he doesn’t want brother to tell.

ACT 2 WOUND— Int. Ben & Patrice’s Home — THURS Evening Dinner 8pm
Introduce Luke, and show how family interacts with each other.
Celeste introduces Luke at dinner table, talks about his handyman skills. Patrice asks how about how they met and notices how badly Celeste treats him, Patrice also mentions they need work around the house and Luke offers to do the jobs.
Introduce Jasper as “cricket” – explain nickname from childhood since he’s a jiminy cricket conscious) Jasper mentions that mother has a new friend too. While Patrice is curious and surprised, Ben gives a knowing nod that there is nothing to this remark, so the remark is quickly dismissed.
Int. Ben & Patrice’s Home — various rooms

Patrice tells Celeste to be nicer to Luke.
Start: Celeste dutifully helps her mother with the dishes after dinner, and asks her if she like Luke
Challenging Situation: What Patrice believes is important for quality of marriage: Happiness, mutual respect. Love,
Conflict: mother/daughter fight: Patrice tries to give guidance and Celeste tells her to mind her own business since she is not happy in her own marriage, she will not make the same mistakes as her
Action: None – just talking/yelling.
Finish: Patrice dreams of what she believes a relationship should be.

Patrice shows Luke areas of the house that needs repair, close proximity between the two of them.
Start: Patrice innocently shows Luke different areas of the house that needs repair
Challenging Situation: Patrice challenges her internal drive, by her need for love and closeness.

Action: Patrice and Luke get physically close to each other.
Conflict: Patrice fights her internal drive to kiss Luke
Finish: mutual admiration

Ben and Jasper in the study — re-iterate not to talk about what happened in the vault, Ben reminds Jasper of their history how he always took care of him and knows what’s best.
Start: Ben reprimands Jasper for not keeping “Mama’s secret friend a secret”
Challenging Situation: Ben reminds Jasper that it was Mama who asked for a friend to keep her company when Jasper had to work.
Conflict: Jasper is constantly trying to be part of the family dinner talk, and fit in as equal to the family.
Action: none – talking
Finish: Ben reminds Jasper that Ben takes care of Jasper, and Jasper agrees.

2b. Patrice and Luke kiss “by mistake” in the bedroom closet
Start: Patrice shows the project of building shelving in the walk-in closet.
Challenging Situation: challenge Patrice of being unfaithful to her husband
Conflict:
Action: kissing
Finish: Patrice wonders if she should have kissed him. Celeste calls out to look for Luke. Did she see?

Wound: Patrice is looking for love
SM – how has she been treated in her marriage up until now
EMPATHY – Add empathy for Patrice here
OL – where will she find love to mend the hole in her heart
Strange Behaviour: Patrice pays close attention to her daughter to make sure she is treating her man right
OL – how will Patrice teach her daughter how to have a healthy relationship
DISTRESS – Patrice’s frustration that her daughter does the opposite of the kind gestures that she is told
OL – what will Patrice do when she sees her daughter being mean to a nice man
Act 2 Turning Point: Patrice kisses Luke
EMPATHY/DISTRESS Add a mix of satisfaction that Patrice found love with shock of realization of what she must do to keep love

ACT 3. Secret Identity – Int. SAFnSOUND Business Office — THURS Daytime (Afternoon before Before Act 1)
Barbara’s past comes to visit her, as her friend & colleague prostitute meets with Barbara
Chelsey walks in to Barbara’s surprise and asks for help, since John is very demanding and overly cruel. Barbara asks what she can do to help. She says she will handle it, “you’ve always been so good to me”, says Chelsey.
Start:
Challenging Situation:
Conflict:
Action:
Finish:
[[
Barbara goes into monitoring office, to look up recordings and pull dated recording to view. Find ??? (Something relevant and foreshadowing what John will do to Chelsey if she doesn’t get info from client)
Introduces Chelsey to Ben, and they go to her house, to install security system in her home.
Int – Chelsey’s home – DAY
After installation, Chelsey thanks Ben, and quickly evolves to Chelsey & Ben having sex… he goes too far and kills her.
Ext – Chelsey’s home – NIGHT
When they leave her home,
Int – 2nd monitoring station – NIGHT
show that someone is watching the recording in another monitoring station.
Ext – cemetery – NIGHT
Flash to summary of opening scene (ie present time), and fill in more details of Ben & Jasper’s characters and their close relationship.

Secret: Barbara’s past comes to visit her, as her friend & colleague prostitute meets with Barbara
OL – who is this friend and what urgent matter does she need Barbara to fix
EMPATHY – Barbara wants to help her friend
DISTRESS – cannot help her friend in the way she wants because of overlying shadow (which is John’s hold over her)
SM – what is Barbara’s real past and how did she come to start the home security business
DISTRESS – John reminds her of her obligations to him
Hidden Agenda: Barbara tells Ben to put security in friend’s home
Act 3 Turning Point: Ben has sex with Barbara’s friend
OL – there is already a security camera in friend’s home, who is watching?

ACT 4. Strange Behaviour — Int. Home — FRIDAY (Day Afternoon)
Patrice is happy, singing for the first time in a long time and Ben is obviously hiding his nervousness about getting caught and his excitement of power.
Ext – B&P Home
Luke working on a project that Ben has delayed. Patrice brings some water. Luke thanks her, and goes in for a kiss but Patrice steps back. Is anyone watching?

Int – B&P Home
Patrice keeps checking out the window to “monitor the progress of the Luke’s work”. Ben tells Patrice he has to go back to work and Patrice doesn’t mind. Ben says he might be late. Patrice doesn’t acknowledge, looking longingly out the window.. Ben suspects something which makes him furious and he leaves.

Celeste swears and ignores Patrice when she asks her what she wants for dinner tonight, since it will be just the two of them. Ben asks Celeste what’s wrong, and she just mutters that she is off to her friends. Ben asks about her and Luke’s plans for the evening, and Celeste announces they broke up. “So soon?” And Celeste glares at her mother. “What was that about?”

INT – SnS Office – DAY
Barbara asks Ben where Chelsey is. Ben lies, and says he has to go out right away.
EXT – street – NIGHT
Ben looks for another prostitute to calm his frustration. Does he get the urge to satisfy his need for power and control and kill again?
Jasper calls Ben if he is going to see mother’s new friend. Ben assures him that mother is safe, while he is burying another body. Afraid that Jasper will come, Ben admits he is going to watch mother tonight.
Strange Behaviour: Ben is strange to his wife and his boss –
MOL – daughter found out about Patrice’s affair
OL – how will daughter’s relationships with Patrice and Luke be now
DISTRESS – augment awkwardness between the three
OL – will the daughter tell her father
DISTRESS – daughter becomes closer to Ben, but Ben thinks it’s because she knows about his affair
OL – how will Ben hide his affair from his wife and keep Jasper from revealing his secret
DISTRESS – Ben tries to make up, but makes things painful, and Patrice is suspicious that Ben knows about her affair
OL – what will Ben say to Barbara about her friend
DISTRESS – Ben needs to keep calm and carry on as if nothing happened
Act 4 Turning Point: Barbara asks Ben where her friend is

ACT 5. Conspiracy & Deception — Int. SnS Office — End of Day
Barbara has to replace her friend, since she did not fulfil John’s directive.
John shows Barbara the tape of Ben killing her friend. Barbara stays strong, and asks what she can do. John tells Barbara to use Ben to install security into list of politician’s houses, and reminds Barbara that he is allowing her to live.

Intriguing World: bribing politicians with tapes
Deception: home security sales is just a cover-up for bribing politicians for Barbara’s “former” John
SM – Under what condition does Barbara own or run this security business
EMPATHY – Barbara was allowed to escape “the business” and her undeserved misfortune in order to go into securities with a condition
OL – Barbara has to replace her friend, since she did not fulfil John’s directive
DISTRESS – extreme consequences revealed since Barbara did not ensure her friend carried out John’s expectations; John raises the stakes of allowing Barbara’s living conditions
Act 5 Turning Point: It is John who sees his star killed on security footage

[Donna Stockwell]

Donna Stockwell’s Setting Up The Future

What I learned doing this assignment is that my living documents, namely the bible and the framework need updating, since I have far exceeded the complexity of the subplots in my story, and incorporated more intrigue. I also have to make sure that the main plot doesn’t overtake the sub-plots.

[Donna Stockwell]

Donna Stockwell’s Adding Empathy/Distress!

What I learned doing this assignment is every scene needs empathy and distress to pull the audience’s emotions and set up open loops to make them more binge-worthy. I also see that attaching empathy wherever mysteries are reveals and distress to the open loops augments the emotions for the audience.

ACT 1
Intriguing World: gravedigging the vault in a cemetery
Intrigue: someone is dragging a body in, and is spotted by a man who is holding a corpse
MM – Why is Ben dragging a body into an occupied vault in the middle of the night?
SM – what really happened
SM – How could Ben explain this to the other man in the vault
SM – Who is the woman that Ben killed
SM – who will miss the woman that Ben killed
SM – Who is the other man in the vault and what is he doing
Hidden Layer: Ben is dragging his boss’ dead friend into his mother’s vault
Act 1 Turning Point: Ben convinces brother that mother needs friend
EMPATHY – Ben considers his brother’s feelings on surface, while hidden agenda is that he doesn’t want brother to tell.

ACT 2
Wound: Patrice is looking for love
SM – how has she been treated in her marriage up until now
EMPATHY – Add empathy for Patrice here
OL – where will she find love to mend the hole in her heart
Strange Behavior: Patrice pays close attention to her daughter to make sure she is treating her man right
OL – how will Patrice teach her daughter how to have a healthy relationship
DISTRESS – Patrice’s frustration that her daughter does the opposite of the kind gestures that she is told
OL – what will Patrice do when she sees her daughter being mean to a nice man
Act 2 Turning Point: Patrice kisses Luke
EMPATHY/DISTRESS Add a mix of satisfaction that Patrice found love with shock of realization of what she must do to keep love
ACT 3
Secret: Barbara’s past comes to visit her, as her friend & colleague prostitute meets with Barbara
OL – who is this friend and what urgent matter does she need Barbara to fix
EMPATHY – Barbara wants to help her friend
DISTRESS – cannot help her friend in the way she wants because of overlying shadow (which is John’s hold over her)
SM – what is Barbara’s real past and how did she come to start the home security business
DISTRESS – John reminds her of her obligations to him
Hidden Agenda: Barbara tells Ben to put security in friend’s home
Act 3 Turning Point: Ben has sex with Barbara’s friend
OL – there is already a security camera in friend’s home, who is watching?

ACT 4
Strange Behavior: Ben is strange to his wife and his boss –
MOL – daughter found out about Patrice’s affair
OL – how will daughter’s relationships with Patrice and Luke be now
DISTRESS – augment awkwardness between the three
OL – will the daughter tell her father
DISTRESS – daughter becomes closer to Ben, but Ben thinks it’s because she knows about his affair
OL – how will Ben hide his affair from his wife and keep Jasper from revealing his secret
DISTRESS – Ben tries to make up, but makes things painful, and Patrice is suspicious that Ben knows about her affair
OL – what will Ben say to Barbara about her friend
DISTRESS – Ben needs to keep calm and carry on as if nothing happened
Act 4 Turning Point: Barbara asks Ben where her friend is

ACT 5
Intriguing World: bribing politicians with tapes
Deception: home security sales is just a cover-up for bribing politicians for Barbara’s “former” John
SM – Under what condition does Barbara own or run this security business
EMPATHY – Barbara was allowed to escape “the business” and her undeserved misfortune in order to go into securities with a condition
OL – Barbara has to replace her friend, since she did not fulfil John’s directive
DISTRESS – extreme consequences revealed since Barbara did not ensure her friend carried out John’s expectations; John raises the stakes of allowing Barbara’s living conditions
Act 5 Turning Point: It is John who sees his star killed on security footage

[Donna Stockwell]

Donna Stockwell’s Open Loops and Mysteries

What I learned doing this assignment is where I can hint at the mysteries and open loops in the story, although it’s not quite solid where. I am still having a hard time envisioning how to hold back information and reveal it slowly and with intrigue. I also noticed that the writer can completely change the focus and tone of the show with which main mystery and main open loop questions, specifically which questions and how they are phrased.

1. Look through your current outline and find opportunities for at least 5 Open Loops and 5 Mysteries either in the plot or about the characters.

Main Mystery: Why is Ben dragging a body into an occupied vault in the middle of the night?
Sub-Mysteries:
what really happened
How could Ben explain this to the other man in the vault
Who is the woman that Ben killed
who will miss the woman that Ben killed
Who is the other man in the vault and what is he doing

Main Open Loop: what will happen to the family relationships
Sub-Open Loops:
How will Ben explain his absences from home and work
Will Patrice really have an affair with her daughter’s boyfriend
How will Ben react when he realizes Patrice is having an affair
How will the daughter react to her mother’s betrayal

ACT 1
Intriguing World: gravedigging the vault in a cemetery
Intrigue: someone is dragging a body in, and is spotted by a man who is holding a corpse
MM – Why is Ben dragging a body into an occupied vault in the middle of the night?
SM – what really happened
SM – How could Ben explain this to the other man in the vault
SM – Who is the woman that Ben killed
SM – who will miss the woman that Ben killed
SM – Who is the other man in the vault and what is he doing
Hidden Layer: Ben is dragging his boss’ dead friend into his mother’s vault
Act 1 Turning Point: Ben convinces brother that mother needs friend

ACT 2
Wound: Patrice is looking for love
SM – how has she been treated in her marriage up until now
OL – where will she find love to mend the hole in her heart
Strange Behavior: Patrice pays close attention to her daughter to make sure she is treating her man right
OL – how will Patrice teach her daughter how to have a healthy relationship
OL – what will Patrice do when she sees her daughter being mean to a nice man
Act 2 Turning Point: Patrice kisses Luke
ACT 3
Secret: Barbara’s past comes to visit her, as her friend & colleague prostitute meets with Barbara
OL – who is this friend and what urgent matter does she need Barbara to fix
SM – what is Barbara’s real past and how did she come to start the home security business
Hidden Agenda: Barbara tells Ben to put security in friend’s home
Act 3 Turning Point: Ben has sex with Barbara’s friend
OL – there is already a security camera in friend’s home, who is watching?

ACT 4
Strange Behavior: Ben is strange to his wife and his boss –
MOL – daughter found out about Patrice’s affair
OL – how will daughter’s relationships with Patrice and Luke be now
OL – will the daughter tell her father
OL – how will Ben hide his affair from his wife
OL – what will Ben say to Barbara about her friend
Act 4 Turning Point: Barbara asks Ben where her friend is

ACT 5
Intriguing World: bribing politicians with tapes
Deception: home security sales is just a cover-up for bribing politicians for Barbara’s “former” John
SM – Under what condition does Barbara own or run this security business
OL – Barbara has to replace her friend, since she did not fulfil John’s directive
Act 5 Turning Point: It is John who sees his star killed on security footage

• This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by  Donna Stockwell. Reason: added the mysteries and open loops within the outline

[Donna Stockwell]

Donna Stockwell Stacks Intrigue

What I learned doing this assignment is the variety of techniques to create intrigue into each storyline or act, and how they are intertwined.

ACT 1
Intriguing World: gravedigging the vault in a cemetery
Intrigue: someone is dragging a body in, and is spotted by a man who is holding a corpse
Hidden Layer: Ben is dragging his boss’ dead friend into his mother’s vault
Act 1 Turning Point: Ben convinces brother that mother needs friend

ACT 2
Wound: Patrice is looking for love
Strange Behavior: Patrice pays close attention to her daughter to make sure she is treating her man right
Act 2 Turning Point: Patrice kisses Luke
ACT 3
Secret: Barbara’s past comes to visit her, as her friend & colleague prostitute meets with Barbara
Hidden Agenda: Barbara tells Ben to put security in friend’s home
Act 3 Turning Point: Ben has sex with Barbara’s friend

ACT 4
Strange Behavior: Ben is strange to his wife and his boss –
Act 4 Turning Point: Barbara asks Ben where her friend is

ACT 5
Intriguing World: bribing politicians with tapes
Deception: home security sales is just a cover-up for bribing politicians for Barbara’s “former” John
Act 5 Turning Point: John sees his star killed on security footage

[Donna Stockwell]

Donna Stockwell’s Layers and Reveals

What I learned doing this assignment is picking the most extreme reveals gives three separate scenes and gives ideas how to leave intriguing hints in each scene for the other scenes.

Surface: Ben is Home security salesman
Layer beneath: Looking for solace in prostitutes, but takes it too far
How Revealed: burying a body

Surface: Patrice is wife/mother/home makeup retailer
Layer beneath: Looking for love in all the wrong places
How Revealed: Ends up kissing daughter’s boyfriend

Surface: Barbara is boss of home-security org
Layer beneath: She is former prostitute and her John is the real boss, who is blackmailing her clients
How Revealed: Barbara insists that Ben sells to certain customers with political background

Surface: Jasper is close to Ben
Layer beneath: He may be the leak in Ben’s secret life
How Revealed: He sees Ben dragging a body next to mother in the vault

[Donna Stockwell]

Donna Stockwell’s Character Story Lines

What I learned doing this assignment is the story is more intriguing and more intense than ever before… and I get more excited exploring the character’s life… and the beginnings of each of their individual voices is starting in my mind.

BEN
Beginning: Family man and home-security salesman getting berated and belittled by wife and boss
Turning Point: Introduced to Patrice’s old friend/prostitute — looks for solace in this prostitute
Midpoint: prostitute ends up dead
Turning Point 2: buries prostitute in same grave as his mother, spotted by his brother
Dilemma: how to convince brother this never happened or convince him he’s part of this
Major Conflict: goes home with power only to find evidence of wife’s affair (what’s good for the goose is not good for the gander; what does he tell Patrice, if anything?
Ending: he feels the need to find another prostitute — remembers past clients and clients who refused getting service, and the pattern of killing starts

Patrice
Beginning: Dutiful but bored wife and home makeup retailer; berates husband before work
Turning Point: phone call from husband — late again, can’t do jobs around house again; impatient with waiting
Midpoint: meets daughter’s boyfriend
Turning Point 2: asks Luke to do some handyman jobs around the house
Dilemma: seeing that her daughter is not treating Luke well, she decides to show daughter how to treat a man, and Patrice & Luke kiss
Major Conflict: Does she continue paying attention to Luke
Ending: Patrice and Luke end up in bed

Jasper
Beginning: a little slow but has steady job as gravedigger; idolizes his big brother, who is more educated and has everything an ideal man should have; loyal to his brother and by extension Patrice & kids
Turning Point: mother died and needs to talk to her – goes to grave/vault to talk to her, and makes up what she might say
Midpoint: sees brother come into mother’s vault with body
Turning Point 2: tells brother that mother can’t have company at this time, she is a little under the weather
Major Conflict: for the first time argues with Ben
Ending: agrees to allow visitor for mother — so she has company when Jasper has to work
(Dilemma is optional.) How long will Jasper accept this arrangement for his mother to have company, and not make a fuss with cemetery director & Patrice

Barbara
Beginning: boss of the home-security org; very hard on Ben to sell more
Turning Point: close friend/former colleague asks for security system since lots of cash stored; is reminded of former life and money
Midpoint: introduces Ben to organize installation
Turning Point 2: can’t find her after installation
Major Conflict: accuses Ben of not installing properly and something happened to her
Ending: Barbara expects Ben to go find friend
(Dilemma is optional.). What is Barbara going to do when she learns that her friend is dead?

[Donna Stockwell]

Donna Stockwell’s Pilot Structure

What I learned doing this assignment is how much easier the pilot structure is to do. I was very nervous about the pilot since I have been honing in my skills with every lesson, and as such added and changed so many elements. And lesson 2 was a really nice and easy transition to do this structure.

A hardworking family man loses his wife to the attention of his daughter’s boyfriend, and becomes a serial killer.

Teaser:
Essence: Burying the body of a prostitute in an occupied grave-vault.
Turning Point: ??
Act 1:
Essence: Family man and home-security salesman sees his life as a servant as he is berated by his overbearing wife and unrolling children and power-monger female boss.
Turning Point: He feels the need to control a woman to feel like a man, and
Act 2:
Essence: He searches for solace with a prostitute, who is a friend of his boss and who make him feel comfortable with S&M.
Turning Point: She ends up dead.
Act 3:
Essence: He buries the woman secretly beside his dead mother’s in her vault at the cemetery.
Turning Point/Midpoint: Was he spotted by his brother who is caressing by his mother.
Act 4:
Essence: He goes home to his wife feeling like he can now conquer her,
Turning Point: He doesn’t confront his wife when finds evidence of her affair.
Act 5:
Essence: His heart is once again crushed
Lock In: He decides to use his list of past clients to find and conquer another woman to get the courage to confront his life.

[Donna Stockwell]

Donna Stockwell’s Amazing Inciting Incident

What I learned doing this assignment is I brought events of the first season into the pilot to make it more intriguing and binge-worthy.

Intriguing Concept = A hardworking family man loses his wife to the attention of his daughter’s boyfriend.
Act 1 = Family man and home-security salesman sees his life as a servant as he is berated by his overbearing wife and unrolling children and power-monger female boss. He feels the need to control a woman to feel like a man, and she ends up dead.
Midpoint = He buries the woman secretly beside his dead mother who is being caressed by his brother, and goes home to his wife feeling like he can now conquer her, but finds evidence of her affair.
Lock In = Since his heart is once again crushed, he uses his position as a security salesman to find and conquer another woman to get the courage to confront his wife/life… and escape being caught by his brother or the authorities.

[Donna Stockwell]

Donna Stockwell’s Big Picture Components

What I learned doing this assignment is I am able to pinpoint highlights with clarity.
SERIES INFO:
World: control and all-knowing security systems
Main mystery: how to hide his uncontrollable desire to “conquer and command” women
Impossible Goal: control wife and family
Main Conflict: inner personality – selfish, works long hours, wants to feel important
Second Mystery: how will Ben hide all the bodies and keep his secret world secret
Season 1 Arc: When Ben gets lonely he controls women a little too much and gets his brother’s help to bury the evidence, meanwhile his wife Patrice is driven to run away with Luke, her daughter’s boyfriend.
Season 1 Protagonist Internal Journey: his inner desire to control women gets out of control and turns to desire to kill
PILOT INFO:
Pilot Conflict: Individuals in a family unit become obsessed with their own lives.
Characters Introduced: Ben, Patrice, Jasper, Celeste, Luke and Barbara
Inciting Incident of Season 1: Ben’s terrible day starts with a nagging wife and continues at work getting belittled by his boss.

[Donna Stockwell]

What I learned from this assignment is how much more intriguing the story is to me, and to those I shared the image with, and it clarified the highlighted main characters.

[Donna Stockwell]

Donna Stockwell’s Episode Titles

What I learned doing this assignment is titles can capture more than one subplot, with subtext which has different meanings for each subplot.

Thrilling and Relationship Titles

Episodes
1 Digging up the dirt
2 Holding Dearest
3 No Mother, No Help
4 Less Makeup and More Commissions
5 This is How it’s Done
6 Found
7 Missing
8 Another Finding
9 It’s a hunt
10 Projects in Bed
11 New Neighbours
12 The secret’s out
13 Happily Ever After

Seasons
1 This isn’t working any more
2 Invite to the Wedding
3 Finding Religion
4 Buried
5 New Addition

[Donna Stockwell]

Donna Stockwell Presents Non-Stop Intrigue

What I learned doing this assignment is it is a good exercise to insert intriguing foreshadowing scenes into the script. While rewriting the character to give more intrigue into her life, both past and current, I developed another layer of the main plot, and a few more layers of subplot.
I rewrote the character of Ben’s boss to help solve the cases of the missing girls, due to her past association with them.

[Donna Stockwell]

Donna Stockwell’s Intrigue Patterns

What I learned doing this assignment is how interesting it is to invent a new perspective.

Original: Ben knows he is good at his job, so why does he let two women get the best of him.

A. Ben has been the best district salesman in security sales for the last 5 years, so why does he let two women, his boss and his wife, get the best of him?

B. Ben needs to prove to himself that he can control women every time his wife and his boss berate him… this is where it helps to helps the best district salesman in home security.

C. Ben looks at his award for being the best district salesman in home security as his boss berates him. “I’m not going to take this from you,” he whispers under his breath.

D. Ben’s boss looks at his dirty shoes as he walks into the cleanest sales office for home security.

E. Ben Harper was meant for better things than an ungrateful wife and demanding boss, and he finds satisfaction on Starr Street, where every girl leans in his car and begs to service him.
F. Things with the prostitute went to far, and Ben Harper need to disguise himself as his brother, the grave digger at Greenmeadows Cemetery.

G. If Ben Harper hears one more negative word from his boss that he is not selling enough volume and one more word from him demanding wife to fix the house, he’s going to get some hard-core satisfaction on Starr Street.

H. Ben Harper sells surveillance systems by day, and returns at night to those who do not purchase a system.

Cruising Starr Street after a loathsome day should be satisfying, but appalling nature begets appalling nature.

J. Ben Harper needs to bring women to his knees, especially after that appalling scene he had with his wife and boss today.

[Donna Stockwell]

Donna Stockwell’s TV Pitch Bible Investigation

What I learned doing this assignment is the story is ever evolving, and not only do I get more involved with my characters’ situations, I more intrigued by how they try to get out of their situations smelling like a rose.

Parts rewritten on the pitch bible are one of my main characters, Ben’s boss now comes from a poor neighbourhood and risen to become a business mogul and has a larger part in the show and contributes great angst, as well as becoming more interested in how Ben spends his time both in and out of the office.

[Donna Stockwell]

Donna Stockwell’s Show Summary

What I learned doing this assignment is working the characters and plot layers from different angles really hones in on the core and structure of the story.

Betrayals
One Hour Thriller
Security salesman, Ben Huber, is the head of a seemingly traditional family as a father who works long hours, and who is married to his high school sweetheart Petrina, who is a part time mother with home-based cosmetic line. His two children are in their late teens – the older daughter Celeste is a freshman in college who starts dating a chippendale-ripped handyman , Jasper, and a younger sibling in high school who struggles with his identity.

Ben’s brother, Jasper, due to his selfish righteousness, is a failing moral conscience for Ben, and becomes a bit unstable when their mother dies and put her in a vault at the cemetery he works as a grave-digger. He is able to visit her nightly and bring her flowers and the cosmetics he steals from his sister-in-law.

While most people will go home after a hard day dealing with the boss to drink a beer in front of a sports game, a security salesman, Ben Huber, shakes off the verbal abuse from his high-powered boss and avoids more demands from his overbearing wife by looking for women to control in the bedroom. But his controlling nature goes to far one day and he accidentally kills the lady-du-jour. Instead of panicking, he devises a plan to use his brother’s identity of a grave-digger and bury the body in a pre-dug grave. After the body is buried, Ben realizes he is energized by this empowering act, only to be quashed by his wife as soon as he gets home and again the next day at work. He uses the contacts at work to find new, unsuspecting victims to re-energize himself.

When Ben & Jasper’s mother’s body is missing from the vault, Jasper’s stability is shaken and threatens to reveal Ben’s secret.

Patrice feels lost and lonely in a marriage that should have never been except for doing the right thing and getting married when she found out she was pregnant. When she notices her daughter, Celeste is not treating her boyfriend and the handyman, Luke, properly, Patrice starts to make Luke feel needed and important until the inevitable affair leads to the elopement.

What happens to a family when the father turns into a serial killer and the mother steals her daughter’s boyfriend and elopes with this younger man , but comes back remain the demanding wife and mother, and to challenge everything each of the rest of the family members do?

How many betrayals can each member of this family endure.. individually and as a unit?

[Donna Stockwell]

What I learned doing this assignment is to separate the layers first then intertwine with character reactions.

Episode 1: Introduce the normal life of this extended family – digging up grave to hold mother, next day introduce traditional family, and reference to Jasper’s night. Conflict between Patrice and Ben about absence and house jobs not done.
Hook/Intrigue: Ben deals with overbearing wife and similar female boss
Main Character journey: Ben works hard but gets frustrated at home
Major Challenge/Conflict: Ben needs to be in control
Action/Reaction: Ben lashes out at a woman (his boss) who reminds him of his wife’s attitude, finds similar female on way home
Cliffhanger: Jasper comes home dirty and early in the morning
Episode 2: Patrice leaves for girl’s get together, the loneliness angers Ben, who picks up hitchhiker on way home and starts his vision to control women. Jasper still holds mother every night.
Hook/Intrigue: what does Ben do with the body
Main Character journey: Ben feels empowered when he rapes and kills
Major Challenge/Conflict: as soon as he gets home or go to work, he feels the need to rape and kill
Action/Reaction: he finds another female to rape and kill
Cliffhanger: Ben poses as his brother to bury the body in same grave as mother… now there are 3 bodies, Jasper questions
Episode 3: Controlling women is out of control.. uses Ben to dig graves. Jasper refuses to bury Ben’s mistake until he holds mother. Celeste starts to date Luc and brings him home to meet the family
Hook/Intrigue: Ben getting jealous that wife is not paying attention to him but paying attention to daughter’s boyfriend
Main Character journey: Ben feels the need to control his wife, and needs to find mother so that Jasper does not spill the beans
Major Challenge/Conflict: does Ben take his wife, or keep on his newfound pattern
Action/Reaction: Ben rapes and kills an unknown woman
Cliffhanger: is the woman his wife? Where does he bury her?
Episode 4: Patrice notices makeup missing, accuses Jasper, Ben allows mixup, and continues even further. Patrice asks Luc to start doing jobs around the house, and spending more time with him.
Hook/Intrigue: Ben starts putting Jasper into fire when Patrice accuses Jasper of stealing
Main Character journey: Patrice accuses Ben’s brother of stealing, which causes more of a rift, but gives Ben more reasons to lie
Major Challenge/Conflict: how does Ben keep Jasper’s loyalty if he disrespects him by allowing the Patrice’s accusation & lies
Action/Reaction: Ben starts to lie more to redirect his actions and entire more women
Cliffhanger: what will happen when Ben finds out Patrice kissed Luc
Episode 5: Patrice gets friendly with Luc, and tries to show Celeste how to take control of the relationship.

Episode 6: Celeste finds Patrice with Luc, and creates more distance between the two women and closer relationship between Celeste and her father. Will Celeste discover her father’s secret?

Episode 7: Grave-robbers steal mother. Jasper out of control, and jeopardizes Ben’s extracurricular affairs. Will Jasper disclose Ben’s secret?

Episode 8: Mother is found, and Ben resumes his extracurricular controlling life. Luc and Patrice take a weekend together.
Episode 9: Patrice finds Ben has been stealing her makeup and follows him.

Episode 10: Patrice and Luc plan their future. Ben notices Luc is not completing projects around the house.

[Donna Stockwell]

Donna Stockwell’s Five Seasons

What I learned doing this assignment is that making the seasons in steps from high concept to intriguing details is very revealing. The pieces are coming together slowly and piece by piece.

Season 1: Control: Ben tries to control his wife who ends up eloping with her daughter’s boyfriend .
Season 2: Chase: Ben is hard core serial killer; Patrice buys seaside cottage with Luc; does Celeste go to visit Patrice?
Season 3: Belief: Ben finds religion, but too hard to resist killing, and sends Celeste on religious path which turns out to be a cult.
Season 4: Loyalty: Ben gets caught; Jasper stays below with his mother & grave falls in; Celeste marries a man from the cult almost as old as her father — similar treatment to father
Season 5: Virtue: Celeste has a baby – does she allow the baby to see grandparents?

[Donna Stockwell]

Donna Stockwell’s Episode Ideas

What I learned doing this assignment is outlining each episode is really starting to bring the show alive, and some scenes are quite vivid in my mind.

THE CHEAT SHEET
1. Beginning……………………………………………………….Season End/Cliffhanger
Question A: What is the Beginning of the season and the End of the season? Struggling security camera salesman comes home to demanding wife who complains he is late for dinner and daughter brought home a guest.
Question B: What possible cliffhanger could be in that last scene of the season, thus demanding that we watch the next season? Patrice leaves note that she left, Ben cries on stairs with daughter comforting him, then eyes of how he will feel power in his life.
2. Season 1 Mystery Set up…………………..…………………Season 1 Mystery Solved
Question A: What is the mystery? How will Ben cope with his wife’s increasingly demanding attitude?
Question B: How could the mystery be set up? What parts will be left out that must be solved?
Question C: What it the ultimate solution that the characters must work to discover?
3. Journey begins……………………………………………………….Journey peaks, but continues.
Question A: Where does the Lead Character journey begin and end for this season?
Lead characters are in a traditional family with seemingly average every day squabbles, but don’t act in a positive way to correct attitudes and actions for a better life and ultimately leads to each person fending for themselves with no family trust or loyalty.
Question B: Think about where this character goes in future seasons. That might give you an idea also.

4. ……Layer….…Layer………Layer………Layer………Layer………Layer………Layer……Layer
Question A: What layers have you already discovered in your BW Framework?
How will Patrice show Celeste how to treat her boyfriend?
How will Ben cope with Patrice’s constant beratement and avoidance?
How will Luc accept Patrice’s encouragement and constant attention?
How will Ben show his powerful manhood?
How will Ben cover his rapes and murders?
How will Celeste react to her mother’s flirting with her boyfriend?
How will Jasper explain his extra hours at the cemetery?
How will Jasper cover for his brother’s constant stream of dead women?
Question B: Are there any other layers that you could think of?
5. Make a list of the Major Story Lines.
Question A: What main characters have story lines that affect everyone else? Ben, Patrice, Jasper, Celeste
Question B: What are the most important story lines of this show?
Patrice unhappy in marriage and has affair with daughter’s boyfriend which leads to divorce.
Ben controlling and pushes Patrice away while he controls other women.
Jasper is Ben’s conscious and trusted right hand man, until he loses his mother.
Celeste learns to distrust her upstanding and righteous mother, and trusts her criminal father.

It is important to know that you don’t need all of these answered perfectly. If you have 60% of the questions answered, you can create an amazing show.

Episode 1: Introduce the normal life of this extended family – digging up grave to hold mother, next day introduce traditional family, and reference to Jasper’s night. Conflict between Patrice and Ben about absence and house jobs not done.
Episode 2: Patrice leaves for girl’s get together, the loneliness angers Ben, who picks up hitchhiker on way home and starts his vision to control women. Jasper still holds mother every night.
Episode 3: Controlling women is out of control.. uses Ben to dig graves. Jasper refuses to bury Ben’s mistake until he holds mother. Celeste starts to date Luc and brings him home to meet the family
Episode 4: Patrice notices makeup missing, accuses Jasper, Ben allows mixup, and continues even further. Patrice asks Luc to start doing jobs around the house, and spending more time with him.
Episode 5: Patrice gets friendly with Luc, and tries to show Celeste how to take control of the relationship.
Episode 6: Celeste finds Patrice with Luc, and creates more distance between the two women and closer relationship between Celeste and her father. Will Celeste discover her father’s secret?
Episode 7: Grave-robbers steal mother. Jasper out of control, and jeopardizes Ben’s extracurricular affairs. Will Jasper disclose Ben’s secret?
Episode 8: Mother is found, and Ben resumes his extracurricular controlling life. Luc and Patrice take a weekend together.
Episode 9: Patrice finds Ben has been stealing her makeup and follows him.
Episode 10: Patrice and Luc plan their future. Ben notices Luc is not completing projects around the house.
Episode 11: Ben and Jasper are close to getting caught burying a body when a family comes to move their relatives grave to a closer cemetery.
Episode 12: Patrice finally finds out Ben’s affairs, but doesn’t notice there is more to his secret life.
Episode 13: Patrice elopes with Luc. Everyone else is left behind.

[Donna Stockwell]

Donna Stockwell’s Character Descriptions

What I learned doing this assignment is how focussed and specific the journey of the characters becomes.

BEN is a security salesman, working long hours starts to become frustrated with wife who shows she is not happy in his traditional marriage, tries to show encouragement of wife’s business by also selling/giving cosmetics to wives of clients. Increasing frustration with wife’s unhappiness, turns to control women who look like his wife by forcing look-a-likes to put wife’s cosmetics while he’s watching, which turns him on, and ultimately turns into accidental murder, which gives him feeling more power and control.Since wife leaves him, reminders of wife have him alternating between fury and fear of being alone and power and control by raping and killing.

PATRICE is a narcissistic wife and mother sells cosmetics door to door, is especially harsh on her daughter. Frustrated with absence of husband, starts asking daughter’s boyfriends to do odd jobs. Delusional with how badly her daughter treats her boyfriend, Patrice increasingly shows kindness and spends more time with the boyfriend until it’s a full blown affair. Patrice decides to leave her family behind and marry her new lover.

JASPER, a grave digger, accidentally kills his mother and moves in with his brother’s family. But Jasper misses his mother so much that he digs her up, and paints her face with Patrice’s makeup, holds her and talks to her all night. When he confides in his brother, he agrees to help him secretly bury the bodies of the ladies Ben kills. When Jasper finds his mother is missing one night, and the situation threatens the actions of Ben and his brother.

[Donna Stockwell]

Donna Stockwell’s Intriguing Concept and World

What I learned doing this assignment is exploring the behaviour of people on a high level is quite revealing, and empowering to see the whole world at once.

Present your concept and world.
1. Present your Concept.
A. Engaging and highly proactive hero… A seemingly stable husband and father
B. …up against a major conflict… is married to a woman who takes (and marries) their daughter’s boyfriend — betrayals of the mother to the family
C. …goes on unique transformational journey… to figure out how to trap love
D. …into an intriguing world. .. by murdering and burying the bodies in the graveyard with his brother (a gravedigger) ’s help.

2. Tell us the World of this show.
Unique Sub-World: wife is controlled emotionally and financially
Previously unexplored: how the emotional excitement of getting married is crushed by the realities of a sociopath
The unknown: how women explore relationships; while a mother is trying to show her daughter how to treat a her boyfriend, she falls in love with him;
The unseen: how the daughter responds to her mother’s teachings, no matter how perverse they turn
Unheard of Dangers: the moral dilemma of crushing a weak mother-daughter bond for love
Reason to explore it: an unspoken respect of women not stealing each other’s boyfriends is taken to the extreme when the two women are mother and daughter.

World 2 of this show.
Unique Sub-World: hiding evidence, namely the bodies
Previously unexplored: grave-diggers, grave-robbers, loyalty to mothers
The unknown: it is dangerous to dig 6’ and 12’ graves, grave-robbing, moving graves closer to living residences as family moves
The unseen: the intricacies of the digging graves and moving bodies, empty graves before a holiday weekend for expectant deaths
Unheard of Dangers: grave walls collapsing while being dug, gravediggers coming out of vaults when coffin is installed
Reason to explore it: it is the working-man’s world of the funeral business

[Donna Stockwell]

Donna Stockwell has completed the BW Framework!

What I learned doing this process is how complete the characters are with all the boxes checked, and how much more of an interesting story they will make. The more boxes I filled out, more sub-plots just started showing up on my door step! I get more and more excited about this BW script with every lesson!

[Donna Stockwell]

Donna Stockwell’s Creating Irony

What I learned doing this assignment is the characters seem more real, in that despite their goal or their character traits, they seem to do the exact opposite of what is expected.

EXAMPLE SHOW – Jessica Jones

Ironic that..
Jessica is a super hero who doesn’t wear a costume, doesn’t conceal her identity in public.
Jessica keeps denying help despite the fact that she needs help, viz a vie Trish, Malcolm, Hogarth and the cop.
Kilgrave seems so nice on the surface, but his intentions are evil to get what he wants, the love of Jessica.
Kilgrave gets innocent bystanders to do evil things.
Jessica sleeps with Luke despite her killing his wife.

Situations or character components that you could go opposite to create irony in my show:

Jasper, despite not graduating high school, says wise things.
Patrice takes love from her daughter to get love for herself.
Patrice did not have a good relationship with her mother, but Ben and Jasper did.
Patrice has not learned to have a good relationship with her daughter.
Ben is comfortable with death, while Jasper is not despite that he works in a graveyard.

[Donna Stockwell]

What I learned from this assignment was how much more interesting the characters are becoming, and how to re-enforce both characters and plot lines… and how a subplot can become more of a major and important part of the major plots to move the story forward.

SAMPLE SHOW – Jessica Jones

Jessica wants to handle her PTSD herself, but Trish keeps her on track to belong to society.
Jessica and Trish’s history of being parented by Trish’s mother is starting to reveal character traits of each of Jessica and Trish and their bond in their relationship.
Hogarth is starting to become intriguing with her ex-wife starting to spill some of her devious past and why she needs Jessica to handle some of her cases personally.
Jessica is the type of person to please people, and in turn her friends (new and old) commit to helping her.
Hogarth is starting to show to not-so-nice side, and her fiancé Pam is starting to wonder about the future of their relationship.

1. IDENTIFY YOUR SOURCE MATERIAL

Reveal a Moral Issue. – mothers set the tone of the family
Reveal a Character Intrigue or Hidden Plan. Jasper tries to keep his mother close to keep his family alive, while Patrice is selfish and does not value her position in the family
Reveal a Character Weakness. Jasper and Patrice are both delusional about what happiness is and how to achieve happiness
Reveal an unknown relationship history. Patrice looks for love with (and to love) daughter’s boyfriend, since she does not believe Celeste is caring or loving.
Create mysteries and reveal clues for deeper layers. How Ben & Jasper’s mother is loving, how Patrice’s mother is absent and has no reference to raise her own children.
Open new loops/questions that we need answered. How does Ben and Jasper handle his mother’s dead and subsequently disappearance? How does Ben handle the separation? How does Celeste handle the cruel distancing of her mother? Where will Patrice and Luc go, and will they come back to interfere with the family? How will Ben handle the rejection of his wife?

2. ASK QUESTIONS TO DISCOVER LAYERS

What could be beneath that? History of how Patrice’s mother raised her, History of how mother cared for Ben & Jasper (individually). History of how Ben reacted to rejection throughout his life.
What Character Intrigue might create an entire layer by itself? Jasper’s character.
Could there be a deeper mystery? The consequences of Ben’s reactions to rejection
What secret identity might be present? Ben’s alter ego.. could have bipolar disorder
How could there be a completely different meaning to what we’ve discovered so far?
What conspiracy could exist that changes everything? Jasper jealous of Ben taking bipolar medication, and helps himself.. which is the cause of his oddities and panic disorders.
What hidden agenda could impact the characters without their knowledge? Their mental disorders.

3. ORGANIZE THE LAYERS

PLOT LAYERS – Story beneath the story.
Major scheme revealed – beneath the superficial happiness of family
Mystery revealed – Patrice is unhappy and having affairs
Thought the story was one thing, but it is another – the “leave it to beaver” facade that everyone sees has everyone in the family with secrets and secret actions that other members are not aware of
Major shift in Meaning – jealousy and rejection of family members wreaks havoc
Hidden history – how Ben, Jasper and Patrice were raised, and how they interpreted growing up and being respected in the world (family & society)
Hidden plan – each of Ben, Jasper and Patrice hide their desires
Major betrayal – Ben hides his medication of bipolar and forgets to take it, Jasper panicks when mother is moved and robbed, Patrice wants to show daughter how to love a man and ends up marrying Celeste’s boyfriend.
CHARACTER LAYERS – identity beneath the identity.
Secret identity – Ben is bipolar, Jasper is mis-diagnosed medically and psychologically, Patrice feels unloved
Character Intrigue –
Hidden relationships and conspiracies
Hidden Character history

Character Surface – Ben
Layer 1: responsible and caring husband and father
Layer 2: works long hours
Layer 3: takes medication that makes him unable to associate on deep personal to family
Layer 4: hides medication, no one is aware when he stops taking medication
Etc.
Character Surface – Jasper
Layer 1: always jealous of older brother, Ben, and wants to be constantly with Ben
Layer 2: tries to imitate Ben, and does what Ben asks – Ben finds him gravedigging job
Layer 3: finds Ben taking medication and decides to take his medication to become more like him; Jasper shares everything with Ben and assumes he is doing the same
Layer 4: the medication makes Jasper irrational and unpredictable
Character Surface – Patrice
Layer 1: married when she found she was pregnant, becomes responsible mother and dutiful wife
Layer 2: very unhappy in marriage and feels unloved and cast away
Layer 3: looks for love
Layer 4: feels the need to show Celeste how to love a man, and ends up taking Celeste’s boyfriend away

Plot Surface: Jasper
Layer 1: happy traditional family, with weird uncle extension
Layer 2: Jasper’s job to hide (and care for) his mother’s body – Ben gets him gravedigger job
Layer 3: grave robbers take mother’s body, leave some trinkets around cemetery
Layer 4: Jasper refuses to help Ben hide bodies until
Plot Surface: Ben
Layer 1: happy traditional family, Ben feels need for more love and respect
Layer 2: Ben starts raping, demanding respect and accidentally killing woman who looks like Patrice
Layer 3: Ben get Jasper to bury body in graveyard
Layer 4: Ben continues to rape and kill for respect and Jasper continues to bury bodies
Layer 5: (with Plot Surface: Jasper) When mother’s body is robbed and moved, Ben refuses to help Ben bury next body until mother is found
Layer 6: Ben finds ways to manipulate Jasper to continue burying bodies and not let the adventure slip
Etc.
Plot Surface: Patrice
Layer 1: happy traditional family, but not happy with Ben’s absence and
Layer 2: Patrice hires Luc for handyman jobs around house
Layer 3: not happy with her daughter’s treatment of Luc, Patrice feels the need to show Celeste how to love a man
Layer 4: intimate moments with Luc
Layer 4: starts dating Lucy
Layer 4: … and ends up taking Celeste’s boyfriend away and marrying him

[Donna Stockwell]

Donna Stockwell’s Big Picture Open Loops
What I learned doing this assignment is I created more open loops and found this story could be pushed more to the limits, and just like the other assignments, this will have to be revisited to further enhance my story, since I was brainstorming ideas and I may combine some of them and not follow some other ideas.
ASSIGNMENT 1 – JESSICA JONES
a list of the Big Picture open loops that were established early in the season.
GOALS:
New goals? Help Malcolm get off of drugs, help Trish and other get out of the path of Kilgrave. Jessica wants to get into jail to catch Kilgrave. Get Wendy to sign the divorce agreement.
Goals related to the big picture? Find and stop Kilgrave. Get Missy out of prison and exonerate her.
Crushed goals? Jessica caught Kilgrave, but he had a backup plan to stay free.
Competition / conflict around goals? Kilgrave is always one step ahead of Jessica and controlling people both with his control power and using people’s own lack of self-confidence. People are trying to help Jessica but she is pushing them away.
CONSEQUENCES:
Are they going to be caught?
Problems created from past actions?
Good plans gone wrong? Jessica caught Kilgrave, but he had a backup plan to stay free.
SOLVING PROBLEMS:
What is the major problem for this character? She drinks, she is too close to the situation to focus on the best way to catch and expose Kilgrave, she is beholden to Hogarth and always owes her one.
What are they trying to solve? Where is Kilgrave and how to expose him.
Major change imposed on character? Kilgrave knows the Jessica is trying to catch him and is playing her game and twisting it.
Previous solutions cause new problems? Kilgrave wants to know where Jessica is at 10am each morning and blackmailing her to save her friends.
RELATIONSHIPS:
Relationships in peril? Hogarth and Pam, since Wendy has not signed the divorce papers and wants more or she’ll blackmail Hogarth.
New relationships forming? Trish and the cop
Conflict inside relationships? Luke found out Jessica killed his wife and ended the relationship.
Relationships changing? Hogarth getting more desperate for divorce.
DANGER / SURVIVAL / RISKS:
Can they survive Kilgrave and his games to get Jessica back?
Putting themselves in danger / making dangerous decisions? Jessica wants to go into heavy security jail, and set herself up to take the fall for a murder that Kilgrave committed.
Who else is pulled into their danger? Trish, Malcom, the cop, Hogarth
Internal dangers (drug addiction, need for medicine, inner demons)? PTSD and drinking for Jessica, drugs for Malcolm, secrets that Hogarth is trying to keep secrets.

ASSIGNMENT 2: Betrayal

1. Use this list to brainstorm big picture open loops for your first season that you will use to keep the audience captivated.
GOALS:
New goals? Need to get rid of daughter, so bf is interested in Patrice.
Goals related to the big picture? Graverobbers steal mother, upsets Jasper who refuses to bury and cover up Ben’s victims until they find mother.
Crushed goals?
Competition / conflict around goals?
CONSEQUENCES:
Are they going to be caught? Jasper is upset and other people try to help him and Ben is trying to keep things quiet so his operation is not exposed.
Problems created from past actions? Patrice is always trying to put down daughter, and daughter is trying desparately to keep bf away from Patrice but efforts backfire.
Good plans gone wrong?
SOLVING PROBLEMS:
What is the major problem for this character?
What are they trying to solve?
Major change imposed on character?
Previous solutions cause new problems?
RELATIONSHIPS:
Relationships in peril? Ben and Jasper, Patrice and Luc, Luc and Celeste
New relationships forming? Patrice and Luc
Conflict inside relationships? Patrice and Celeste disrespect each other and just when Celeste thinks she can forgive her mother, two more mind-blowing events before Celeste breaks all relationships with Patrice
Relationships changing? Bf doesn’t believe Celeste is treating her mother nicely and starts to resent her whining
DANGER / SURVIVAL / RISKS:
Can the family survive Luc hanging around the house? Can Ben survive if he doesn’t find his mother for Jasper?
Putting themselves in danger / making dangerous decisions? Ben does risking things to find who robbed the graves, and why.
Who else is pulled into their danger?
Internal dangers (drug addiction, need for medicine, inner demons)? Celeste’s psychological problems with self-esteem brought on by mother’s selfishness and father’s clingy reaction.

2. Tell us your top 5-8 Big Picture Open Loops that could be in your pilot.
GOALS:
New goals? Patrice wants out of the marriage, and into bf bed.
Goals related to the big picture? Tension between members of family.
Crushed goals? Ben is not winning Patrice over, despite his feeble attempts.
Competition / conflict around goals?
CONSEQUENCES:
Are Patrice and bf going to be caught?
Problems created from past actions?
Good plans gone wrong? – bf trying to help out using Building Wares discount and helping out as handyman… goes too far.
SOLVING PROBLEMS:
What is the major problem for this character? Ben needs to keep getting rid of bodies, Jasper feels the need to hold dead mother nightly.
What are they trying to solve?
Major change imposed on character? Ben is trying to rekindle his relationship with his wife, but his wife has moved on to greener pastures.
Previous solutions cause new problems?
RELATIONSHIPS:
Relationships in peril? Ben and Patrice have been straying apart for years. Patrice wants out of the marriage, and into bf bed.
New relationships forming? bf trying to help out using Building Wares discount and helping out as handyman… goes too far.
Conflict inside relationships? Tension between Ben & Jasper, will they continue their secret deal, or will Jasper inadvertently tell?
Relationships changing? Daughter becomes bulimic and reclusive towards bf… becomes closer to father.
DANGER / SURVIVAL / RISKS:
Can they survive X?
Putting themselves in danger / making dangerous decisions?
Who else is pulled into their danger? Somehow the son gets pulled in to both the burying of the bodies and suspicious of the bf, whom he is secretly attracted to.
Internal dangers (drug addiction, need for medicine, inner demons)?

[Donna Stockwell]

What I learned about this assignment is that this exercise helped me add an extra layer of character relationships with this mystery, and I found myself intrigued how to reveal these mysteries.

Mysteries – Jessica Jones
A. Shocking Event: The case that Jessica Jones takes is a recreation of her own past history.
B. Secret: The man who kidnapped the client was Jessica’s ex-boyfriend.
C. Investigation: The audience has been set up to search for who Kilgrave is.
WHO: Kilgrave is an evil superpower.
HOW: Kilgrave controls the minds of anyone who crosses his path.
WHEN: Kilgrave has had this girl for one month, and Jessica finds her on the anniversary.
WHERE: Jessica finds the people connected to clients are under the control of Kilgrave and she finds Kilgrave’s hideout.
Missing before final episodes:
WHY: Kilgrave set up a shrine to Jessica, and torturing people in order to get her attention.
WHAT: The relationship and the events leading to Jessica leaving Kilgrave. Kilgrave creates a path to lead Jessica into his trap.

ASSIGNMENT 2:

Donna Stockwell’s Show Mysteries
1. Shocking Event Mystery
A. Shocking Event: Jasper talks to mother asking for forgiveness as he buries a coffin.
B. Secret: His mother is in the coffin and he buries her
C. Investigation: Ben is helping to conceal this burial.
WWWWW and How:
Who- Ben calls down to Jasper to make sure that Jasper received the coffin in the vault.
What- Jasper is seemingly doing his job of a gravedigger
When- this event occured in the past
Where- cemetery
Part Withheld:
Why- Jasper is the one who killed her
How- Jasper is extra strong, and hugged his mother to death.
Ultimate Reveal: This is the instigating event that affords Ben to cover up him being a serial killer.
Ultimate Reveal 2: This is how Ben controls Jasper… both with allowing daily visits to his mother and not telling authorities what he did.

2. Over Time Mystery
A. Cover up: Patrice hires daughter’s boyfriend for extra handyman jobs around the house.
B. Secret: Patrice leaves her husband to marry daughter’s boyfriend.
C. Reveals: Patrice spends much time talking to bf and getting to know him intimately.
WWWWW and How:
Who- Patrice is frustrated with husband who doesn’t help around the house, bf magically appears and amiable to be helpful. Ben is never around.
Why – Ben is not helping around the house, and Patrice is tired of things being broken.
When- daily
Where- around the house, every room and outside
Why- Ben is not helping around the house, and Patrice is tired of things being broken. Patrice looks for things for him to do.
How- bf has past helping family and friends with house projects.
Part Withheld:
Why- Patrice starts looking for things for him to do, to make excuses for him to be around.
What- Patrice needs a handyman for house projects, and gets benefits (extra praise, simple kisses turns into a romance which ensues) in addition to money
Ultimate Reveal: daughter loses boyfriend and mother
Ultimate Reveal 2: Ben loses wife and starts to go on a rampage.

[Donna Stockwell]

Donna Stockwell’s Show – Empathy/Distress

What I learned from this assignment was two things: I couldn’t write this assignment fast enough since adding this extra piece of intrigue to my story line and I think this double the amount of intrigue and mystery into my story, which is shifting drastically to enhance my original concept, and with each assignment I add more to my characters and give them more subplots.

ASSIGNMENT 1: Jessica Jones

A. Undeserved Misfortune
Jessica is a survivor of trauma, and as an independent woman rejects being or becoming the victim. She is strong in the public, and comforts herself

B. External Character conflicts
Kilgrave is a sociopath who controls the minds of others to do undesirable acts.

C. Plot intruding on Life
Jessica finds out Kilgrave is alive and sneaking around to find her and torture her by using other people.
Jessica is kind to clients who are victims of abuse, and has strong sense of justice.

D. Moral Dilemmas
Does Jessica leave or turn from hunted to hunter, on the advice of Trish? Does Jessica continue to work for the DEA and take verbal abuse from Hogarth?

E. Forced Decisions
Jessica tries to find Kilgrave before he damages and kills more people.

ASSIGNMENT 2: Donna Stockwell’s Show – Empathy/Distress
BIG PICTURE difficult situations and decisions your characters could make because of the main conflict of this series:

A. Undeserved misfortune –
Ben & Jasper’s mother is mistakenly killed by Jasper.
Ben and Patrice get married too young.

B. External Character conflicts
Ben marries a version of his mother but Patrice always thought there was something odd about the relationship but can never figure it out.
Patrice finds marriage is strained and fighting like cats and dogs with Ben, and increases strain when she meets and falls in love with daughter’s boyfriend.

C. Plot intruding on life –
Ben tries to control life by restraining women (who look like his wife), then when they don’t play nice, he kills them… in delusional thinking that his wife will come back and respect him.

D. Moral dilemmas
Jasper needs his mother, and disillusioned by her death, hides her in cemetery but digs her up every night for “bed-time stories”,
Ben keeps Jasper safe and away from anyone who would discover secret, and uses Jasper to bury more bodies when he becomes a serial killer, as a consequence to his divorce.
Can Patrice break up her marriage and leave her husband for true love, which she found in her daughter’s boyfriend?
How can she take her daughter’s boyfriend from her.

E. Forced decisions they’d never make
Ben makes Jasper help bury the bodies.
Patrice lying to her husband and daughter for a piece of happiness.

[Donna Stockwell]

What I learned doing this assignment is the story (and flashbacks) is starting to take shape, and the arcs of each episode can be superimposed and added to reveal more of the season.

Example Show – JESSICA JONES

Relationship map of Jessica Jones –
Trish Walker:
Surface: Best friend/ past live-in
Common Ground: Love each other, want what’s best for Jessica
Conflict: Different approaches to handling dilemmas and situations in life.
History: Lived with each other for years
Subtext: Jessica’s conscious, moral path
Relationship Arc: Jessica avoids past, Trish wants her to confront her demons (PTSD) in order to control them.
2. Jeri Hogarth:
Surface: Boss/Client working relationship
Common Ground: Investigation contracts
Conflict: Jeri doesn’t like how Jessica gets information, but likes that she is dependable to get information
History: About 15 contracts
Subtext: Secret mutual admiration
Relationship Arc: Jeri relies on Jessica to get information to keep her on top of her game, Jessica relies on Jeri to distract her from her past life, yet each assignment reminds her of her past.
3. Kilgrave:
Surface: Ex-boyfriend
Common Ground: Both superheroes
Conflict: Kilgrave is controlling her mind, Jessica is fighting it
History: Boyfriend/girlfriend, she left him when she figured out his power
Subtext: Unfinished warped love
Relationship Arc: They dated for one month, incident at one month, she leaves him to die, he doesn’t die and wants revenge

Donna Stockwell’s Relationship Maps

Relationship map of BEN
To Patrina
Surface:Marriage – wife
Common Ground:Children, house
Conflict: quietly fight like cats and dogs over finances, time apart, house
History:Met in high school, quickly fell out of love after children
Subtext:Ben becomes suspicious of Petrina befriending others, esp men.
Relationship Arc:Increasingly Ben stays away from Petrina, as Petrina becomes more impatient and frustrated with Ben’s actions and attitude.
2. To Celeste
Surface:Daughter
Common Ground: Close relationship, always comforting her father
Conflict:Celeste finds that Ben is smothering her social life
History:Birth
Subtext:Celeste is easily controlled by Ben’s emotions, as Ben needed more and more attention
Relationship Arc:Celeste notices how Petrina is acting towards Ben, and tries to help ease the situation… it seems to be a burden, but she feels it’s her duty
3. To Jasper
Surface:Brother
Common Ground:parents, Upbringing
Conflict:Jasper always questioning what Ben does and why
History:Jasper always does what Ben tells him to
Subtext:Jasper is Ben’s conscious
Relationship Arc:Throughout childhood, Ben is helping Jasper get through life, as Jasper is a bit slow. Jasper trusts all of Ben’s actions and is faithful to him

Relationship map of PETRINA
To Ben
Surface:Marriage – husband
Common Ground:Children, house
Conflict:Fight out of view of children, over finances, time apart, house
History:Met in high school, quickly fell out of love after children
Subtext:Over controlling, emotionally and physically
Relationship Arc:Everyday wake up afraid what will happen, Petrina
2. To Celeste
Surface:Daughter
Common Ground:Birth, relationship with boyfriend
Conflict: Fight like cats and dogs – how to act, who to friend, etc
History:Birth, rearing
Subtext:
Relationship Arc:from mother to boyfriend rival
3. To Luc
Surface:Daughter’s boyfriend – turned lover
Common Ground:Daughter, outlook on life
Conflict:
History: short, just since daughter’s introduction
Subtext: With more time that Petrina & Luc spend together, become confidents, Luc points to abusive husband
Relationship Arc:daughter’s boyfriend, turned handyman, turned romance

Relationship map of LUC
To Ben
Surface:Romantic rival
Common Ground:Celeste and Patrina
Conflict:Overprotective father doesn’t like Luc going out with his daughter
History:Ben doesn’t like Luc dating daughter, does he imagine Luc’s attention to his wife?
Subtext:Luc is seen as a womanizer, but outwardly acts innocent, but available at opportune time — Ben is the only one who notices this
Relationship Arc:
2. To Celeste
Surface:girlfriend
Common Ground:High school, friends, dating
Conflict:Luc romantic, Celeste standoff-ish
History: High school classmates / dating
Subtext: Celeste stole Luc from her best friend
Relationship Arc: Luc sees many nice things in Celeste, but sees where she gets all the good qualities – her mother, and decreases attention to Celeste
3. To Patrina
Surface:Handyman turned lover
Common Ground:Daughter, outlook on life
Conflict:How immoral is it to fall in love with daughter’s boyfriend
History:Increasing time together, through Petrina’s insistence
Subtext:Luc lends a sympathetic ear to Petrina’s bad marriage
Relationship Arc:daughter’s boyfriend, turned handyman, turned romance

[Donna Stockwell]

What I learned doing this assignment, I could see specific dialog and scenes to highlight and show some of these character traits.

EXAMPLE SHOW: Jessica Jones

JESSICA PROFILE
A. Situational – Hope – find inner peace /Fear- mind controlled by ex-boyfriend
B. Motivation: Want – relationship / Need- love and validation
C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion- low self-esteem / Public Mask – super strength
D. Weaknesses – PTSD
E. Triggers – flashback, dream, words, associate with other people’s actions
F. Coping Mechanism – When their back is against the wall or they are under heavy stress, they recite street names, lash out at boss.

HOGWARTH PROFILE
A. Hope -to keep job / Fear – not to win cases
B. Want – to look good in front of peers / Need – to get information for cases
C. Mask – not confident / Public Mask – one person show
D. Weakness – powerless, need to control
E. Trigger – being reminded she needs others to help, being disrespected
F. Coping Mechanism – yelling, demanding

__

Donna Stockwell’s Character Emotions

BEN (father) PROFILE

A. Situational: Hope – to go back to normal traditional family life / Fear his wife won’t come back
B. Motivation: Want – to soothe the hurt of marriage break up/ Need – to fill the hole of a loving wife
C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion – revenge / Public Mask – father with stiff upper lip
D. Weaknesses – selfish, ignorant of other people’s emotions
E. Triggers – reminders of happiness, be disrespected
F. Coping Mechanism – lying, evasion, raping & controlling look-alike women

PETRINA (mother) PROFILE

A. Situational: Hope – to be happy / Fear – never be completely happy and free
B. Motivation: Want – to be loved and cherished / Need – to feel wanted
C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion – inadequate / Public Mask- warm mother and wife
D. Weaknesses – powerless
E. Triggers – scowl or perceived anger from husband & family
F. Coping Mechanism – smile, make-up, shopping

CELESTE (daughter) PROFILE

A. Situational: Hope – to have a full traditional life / Fear – her mother isn’t happy
B. Motivation: Want – to leave home and start own life / Need – money
C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion – worthless / Public Mask – straight-A student
D. Weaknesses – ambition less, want the easy life, settling at first choice
E. Triggers – being disrespected
F. Coping Mechanism – running / go to gym

[Donna Stockwell]

Example Show: Jessica Jones – list of the places Character Intrigue in episode 1:
Character Name: Jessica Jones
Role: PI/Superhero
Hidden agendas: find ex-boyfriend
Competition: ex-boyfriend, herself trying to control PTSD and drinking
Conspiracies: with DA, DA’s office, ex-boyfriend’s agenda, Trish
Secrets: super strength, drinking,
Deception: using DA’s client to find ex-boyfriend,
Wound: PTSD, self control, wishes she had a boyfriend but doesn’t chance it
Secret Identity: super strength, past roommate Trish knows

ASSIGNMENT 2
Subject line: Donna Stockwell’s Intriguing Character Layers
1. What I learned about this assignment, is that I need more time to build my characters, which I will do with each assignment. I’m missing a lot of layers for my overall concept.

1. Character Name: Ben
Role: father/husband/ hardworking man in security sales,
Hidden agendas: soothe the pain of wife leaving
Competition: boyfriend
Conspiracies: with brother to bury bodies
Secrets: kills for revenge and control over life
Deception: living double life, keeps upper chin in front of children
Wound: broken marriage, satisfied in traditional marriage, opposed to divorce
Secret Identity: serial killer

2. Character Name: Petrina
Role: mother/wife – narcissistic wife in loveless marriage
Hidden agendas: leave marriage
Competition: daughter
Conspiracies: with daughter’s boyfriend
Secrets: dating daughter’s boyfriend
Deception: happy wife planning new life in another home
Wound: bad marriage
Secret Identity: strong woman

3. Character Name: Celeste
Role: daughter
Hidden agendas: trying to start adult life
Competition: mother
Conspiracies:
Secrets:
Deception: not a good relationship with mother
Wound: betrayed by mother, hurt by boyfriend
Secret Identity: care-giver

[Donna Stockwell]

Engaging Main Character – Jessica Jones, in Jessica Jones

A. Role in the show: Jessica Jones – who this story is about
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: superpowers, gets DA’s dirty jobs done
C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface? She is hurt/ PTSD from past job as superhero
D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing? Hurting people to get the job done
E. Unpredictable: What will they do next? She wants to escape her past and the ghosts that remind her, through booze and threatening to leave the DA’s grip.
F. Empathetic: Why do we care? Single woman feeling alone in the world, hurt by past boyfriend and past career.

Donna Stockwell’s Engaging Main Characters

What I learned from this assignment is, that I needed to introduce these engaging characters, and I think I may need to add more characters and do this exercise with them.

Journey – from traditional marriage to midnight serial killer filling need of revenge
Characters that sell this show – Petrina, Ben, Celeste, Jasper

What makes a lead characters engaging on multiple levels?
A. Role in the show:
Petrina – narcissistic wife in loveless marriage
Ben – hardworking man in security sales, satisfied in traditional marriage
Celeste – not a good relationship with mother, trying to start adult life
Jasper – brother of Ben, follows Ben’s instructions, lives on property
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:
Petrina – break up the family
Ben – Expertise – wizard in tracking people and setting up surveillance
Celeste- introduces the boyfriend to the family
Jasper – gravedigger, able to hide bodies
C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?
Petrina is dating daughter’s boyfriend
Ben – controlling financial and emotional
Celeste – apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, common path to her mother’s upbringing
Jasper – talks to deer, focus on one thing only, moral conscious to Ben
D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?
Petrina – loyalty to husband and daughter
Ben- spying on wife and all her contacts
Celeste – uncertain of a normal family, but the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree
Jasper – helps Ben, but consistently questions “why”
E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?
What kind of relationship will Petrina have with her husband? Will Celeste speak to her again.. what kind of contact will they have?
What will Ben do with all this information that he gathers – on Petrina and on her contacts?
What traits will the daughter harness from Petrina, and how will she deal with her father?
Will Jasper tell anyone of his midnight adventures?
F. Empathetic: Why do we care?
Petrina is in an emotionally abusive relationship, but turns that into strength.
Ben – takes advantage of people
Celeste only sees one side of mother, and thinks this is the norm, continues to make same mistakes as mother – which puts her down similar path
Jasper is being taken advantage, since he is slow.

[Donna Stockwell]

What I learned doing this assignment is that I might have to change the focus of my show to a different main character.

ASSIGNMENT 1: Donna Stockwell’s Three Circle of Characters for Jessica Jones

A. Main Characters Circle: (4) Jessica Jones, Trish Walker, Malcolm Ducasse, Jeri Hogarth
B. Connected Circle: (10-15) Kilgrave, assistants to Trish,
C. Environment Circle: (rest) clients of Trish who are subcontracted to Jessica (episode 1: Spheeris, Spheeris’ secretary, Bob, Barbara, Hope, et al), team at Hogarth’s firm, street folk related to case and venues of episodes cases

ASSIGNMENT 2: Donna Stockwell’s Three Circle of Characters for Betrayed

1. Three circles of characters for my show.
A. Main Characters Circle: mother, father, daughter, son, daughter’s boyfriend
B. Connected Circle: uncle & aunt, work colleagues, some of kid’s friends
C. Environment Circle: neighbours, the rest to fill venues

2. One sentence description of each of the Main Characters.
Mother is unhappy housewife who finds comfort in children and their activities.
Father is hard working, works 60 hours per week. Tired when he gets home.
Daughter just finished high school and dating for 2 years. She lives at home and just got a job as a city librarian assistant.
Son is younger than daughter and still in high school.
Daughter’s boyfriend from high school is handyman, and fixes little things around the house.

[Donna Stockwell]

Hi everyone! My name is Donna Stockwell.

I wrote a Seinfeld episode, but didn’t take it personally when the closed the show after sending me my script back, unopened with a kind sorry-but-no-thanks letter. I started writing a couple of movie scripts, but just as Hal mentioned, I’m one of the writers who got writers block without a process. So, here I am!

I have ideas for 3 TV scripts and a couple of movies, and plan on finishing the first TV script by the end of class, and the next two with the same process within 6 months (or sooner) of that.

I am a Professional Engineer who rides motorbikes, flies airplanes, does some scuba diving, shoots guns, and occasionally you can find me on set of such shows as The Handmaid’s Tale, Umbrella Academy and Murdoch Mysteries, and various movies. Oh, and I’m also taking a movie/TV production program at the local college concurrent to this course. My mental recharge happens while walking my poodle.

[Donna Stockwell]

Jessica Jones – 5 Star Model

I watched Jessica Jones for two reasons… first, because, it has a female lead and, second, because I was hooked on the logline: “Following the tragic end of her brief superhero career, Jessica Jones tries to rebuild her life as a private investigator, dealing with cases involving people with remarkable abilities in New York City.” (Imdb.com) And the opening scene reminded me of the air of Casablanca “Of All The Gin Joints In All The Towns In All The World, She Walks Into Mine.”

What I learned while doing this assignment is how easy it is to find layers and layers within each scene and how each layer hangs onto each other.

Big Picture Hooks — What was her superhero ability, besides super strength? How did her superhero career end? Does she have other superhero ability(ies)? How does she interact with others with remarkable abilities and what are those remarkable abilities?

Amazing and Intriguing Character — Jessica seems to have two polar opposite personalities: totally together and then her PTSD comes in when she thinks of Kilgrave and she falls apart. A superhero with super physical strength, is plagued with weak inner strength at times. The first case in this first episode brings up clues to her career and the fallout. She reacts to every line of dialog and actions of other characters in one of these two personalities, revealing more of her complex character. Hogarth prefers to work with her instead of the DA’s new investigator, despite the fact she thinks Jessica is erratic and volatile… and imaginative to get the job done. She is disorganized in her apartment, which implies disorganized and sporadic in character. She is emotionally strong to watch and keep distant from her job, but she drinks to excess.

Empathy / Distress — female with self-esteem issues. her freelance career depends on a major client who is always keeping her on her toes; and she constantly has set-backs (weak inner strength) and reminders with her tasks for her job. She had a past love, Kilgrave?, that tore her apart, and now she is alone, and focussing more on her career. But she constantly tries to give herself self-love and encourage herself how important her sanity is, and that she has a line which will make her walk away from everything. Her acquaintances / colleagues remind her to stay above it all and do the right thing.

Layers / Open Loops — What was this past life that she is trying to bury? Who is Kilgrave, this man who controls women repeatedly, including Jessica? Why does remembering street names bring her back to the present.. and why did she try to tell the first victim about the street name consciousness? How and why did she start investigations agency and how did she get the DA to be a steady client? Are there more superpowers, other than physical strength, that she has? Why doesn’t she have any friends? Why is she at odds with the DA, her seemingly only client?

Inviting Obsession — How she got into her current situation (PI agency & single) and will she move on? Will Jessica confront her PTSD issues? Will she look for the control man, Kilgrave, and will she find him? Will the Kilgrave find her, and control her again? How far will Jessica go to use to superpowers to finish a job for the DA? What happened at Il Rosso Restaurant? What happens at every one-month anniversary for Kilgrave?

• This reply was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by  Donna Stockwell. Reason: added title

[Donna Stockwell]

Donna Stockwell

I agree to the terms of this release form.

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the Binge Worthy TV class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, teaching a class, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the Binge Worthy TV available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. The easiest solution if you have similar ideas is to either not look at each other’s work or to agree to take your shows in different directions.

If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Donna Stockwell]

Oh you should have chosen the V-tail Bonanza.. it has some quirky characteristics, not an easy plane to fly, you have to keep on top of it, and parts are few and far between. And I hope you add a lot of flying and maintenance of that bird into your story!

[Donna Stockwell]

I feel super drained and incredibly satisfied after I complete something creative too!

[Donna Stockwell]

oh, I didn’t know we could use names. And I’m not sure I’d use the word prostitute in front of a 5 year old lol.

Thanks so much!

[Donna Stockwell]

Title: Who’s watching who
One hour serial: Drama with criminal notes, inspired by a true story.

Concept: A seemingly stable family is disrupted when the mother shows her daughter how to treat her boyfriend which turns into an affair (and elopement), and the husband looks for solace in prostitutes and murders his boss’ friend, only to find that she was a prostitute and her pimp decides to take advantage of his enjoyment of murder.

Summary:
Expecting a home-cooked family dinner, an average home-security salesman returns home after a long day to an empty house.

He should have noticed his wife’s attention to the handyman was more than a natural interest as their daughter’s boyfriend. She left a note that she intends to marry the love of her life who is half her age.

His sadness is set aside as his testosterone shoots up, when he meets his boss’ friend, a prostitute, but peeks when their heated affair turns into murder.

What to do with the body?

His mother is buried in a near-empty vault. When he brings the body to hide it in the vault, his brother is there holding his mother’s body, talking to her as if he’s a little boy.

His boss is threatened by her John, who is the real owner of the home-security store, when her friend does not show.

But the security cameras show what happened. Now he is obliged to continue killing on John’s demand.

Episode Structure: This inciting pilot will uncover the following over the course of the seasons:
– How the divorced man gets caught by the prostitute’s John, and gets contracted as a serial killer to kill politicians who do not comply
– How a pimp manipulates his prostitutes through a facade of a home-security shop
– The underworld of how bodies are hidden in graves
– If (and how) an awkward relationship between the mother and daughter can be repaired

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Donna Stockwell.

[Donna Stockwell]

WOW! A thousand times better, Renee!

[Donna Stockwell]

Hi Renee,

I’m wondering how the aliens keep peace, how the peaceful aliens know that there is another group called the Greys who are not peaceful, how they know the Greys are coming (why do the Greys pick this time to come), and if (and how) the peaceful aliens know what doomsday device or actions the Greys have in their possession and if they’ve used that device/actions before on other worlds.

Hope this helps,

Donna