[Susan Rose]

Susan’s Meaningful Action

What I learned: I am having difficulty with this assignment I think because I continually associate the term “action” with fights and car chases not just the physical aspect of the word. That being said I did try to beef up the first three scenes with more action involving the two brothers repeatedly abandoning their father and finally leaving him for dead, which includes many inferences and subtext to the final showdown at the end of the story.

[Susan Rose]

Susan’s Elevated Scene Structures

What I learned: I actually used this exercise to complete a scene that actually needed to be written (from a “placeholder” status) which was very beneficial in creating the scene using “competing agendas”. This is a useful tool that can be used not just in the rewrite phase but in the creation process as well.

[Susan Rose]

Susan’s Scene Ratings

What I learned: I am fortunate to have worked on this with the ProSeries, so my scenes are better than I might have expected. I hope to work on any scenes less than a 6, and definitely anything rated 5!

KILLING TIME SCENE RATINGS:

· Scene 62, E 9, Final Scene

· Scene 61, E 9, Resolution

· Scene 60, E 8, Climax

· Scene 59, E 7, TP

· Scene 58, E 6, Mary/Jack search for John in 1888

· Scene 57, E 5, Ryan has one day to find family “in the past”

· Scene 56, E 7, Ryan in pub in 1888

· Scene 55, E 6, Mary realizes she has leaped through time

· Scene 54, E 8, TP; Ryan finds Jack and Mary have traveled to 1888

· Scene 53, E 8, Climax to Act III; Jack has “leaped” without Ryan

· Scene 52, E 7, Twist; Ryan mislead with decoy

· Scene 51, E 7, John travels back in time; Jack/Mary follow

· Scene 50, E 5, Mary is MIA; Ryan forced to follow lead

· Scene 49, E 6, Jack introduces Mary to time travel

· Scene 48, E 5, Ryan misses urgent call from Jack

· Scene 47, E 7, Mary confronts Jack

· Scene 46, E 6, Jack reveal plan to catch John

· Scene 45, E 5, Jack and Ryan plan “Operation Daddy Death”

· Scene 44, E 7, Mary confronts John (the mysterious stalker)

· Scene 43, E 6, Mary requests to take lead from Ryan

· Scene 42, E 8, Jack reveals photos of John “in action”

· Scene 41, E 6, Ryan finds Jack in panic attack

· Scene 40, E 7, Surprise/Betrayal; Intervention with Jack

· Scene 39, E 5, Mislead/Betrayal; Ryan sets up lunch with Jack

· Scene 38, E 6, Ryan receives call from Jack’s therapist

· Scene 37, E 8, Betrayal by Jack

· Scene 36, E 7, Ryan intrigued by Jack’s secrecy

· Scene 35, E 7, Intrigued by suspicious character

· Scene 34, E 8, Betrayal, Twist by Mary

· Scene 33, E 8, Climax to Act II (Jack guilty?)

· Scene 32, E 7, Suspense to Ryan’s suspect list

· Scene 31, E 8, Intrigue (caught in the act?)

· Scene 30, E 5, Mystery (follow up on clues)

· Scene 29, E 7, Reveal (Bartender supports Jack’s claim)

· Scene 28, E 7, Intrigue (Mary observes “stalker” outside Kyle home)

· Scene 27, E 7, Misinterpretation (Ryan accuses Jack of windshield prank)

· Scene 26, E 6, Uncomfortable (Ryan is locked out of the Kyle home)

· Scene 25, E 7, Misinterpretation/Myster; Ryan finds threatening note on windshield

· Scene 24, E 6, Brothers argue over Jack’s suspected involvement in murder

· Scene 23, E 5, Jack changes lock after break in

· Scene 22, E 8, Mary suspects Jack of murder; Ryan vehemently defends brother

· Scene 21, E 8, Mary and Ryan review forensics of crime scene; Mary makes discovery

· Scene 20, E 7, Jack tries to convince Ryan of father’s return; Ryan makes ultimatum

· Scene 19, E 8, Jack receives a call from his dead father

· Scene 18, E 5, Ryan cannot reach Jack

· Scene 17, E 7, Missing time travel paraphernalia

· Scene 16, E 8, Jack finds home broken into

· Scene 15, E 6, Ryan chastised by Sgt for tardiness

· Scene 14, E 8, Ryan/Jack discuss Jack’s “episode” the night before

· Scene 13, E 8, Twist; Jack exclaims “dad is back from the dead”

· Scene 12, E 8, Mary finds earring and full bottle of meds

· Scene 11, E 9, Climax to Act 1; Ryan finds Jack incoherent and bloody

· Scene 10, E 8, Ryan searches house for intruder

· Scene 9, E 7, Mary watches Ryan cautiously enter house

· Scene 8, E 8, Ryan finds brothers home unsecured

· Scene 7, E 5, Ryan unable to reach Jack; banter with Mary

· Scene 6, E 6, Ryan begrudgingly stuck with Mary

· Scene 5, E 7, Inspecting gruesome crime scene, Ryan forced to work with new partner

· Scene 4, E 8, 17 y/o Ryan runs truck into bay with father bound inside

· Scene 3, E 8, Junvenile Kyle brothers work to dispose of “dead” father

· Scene 2, E 9, Kyle brothers return from past, try to destroy time travel works

· Scene 1, E 9, Kyle father and sons with slaughtered woman in 1888

[Susan Rose]

Susan’s Outline to Script!

What I learned doing this assignment: I believe I am learning to be more comfortable using misleading techniques and subtext, or at least I am hoping this is the case. These exercises are definitely increasing the quality of my script.

The results of this challenge was four new scenes, eight changed scenes, and deleting two scenes. I believe there will be more changes to come as we move forward.

[Susan Rose]

Thanks Frances, I will do so this evening. Your consideration is GREATLY appreciated, and if you’d like another review, please let me know.

[Susan Rose]

Does anyone still need to pair up here? I would like at least one review before moving on if anyone else is a little behind. Thanks!

[Susan Rose]

Hi Elisabeth,

I am a little behind, so I am looking for someone to exchange outlines with for a first round go. I am currently traveling back home so I would be delayed another day but let me know if you would like to exchange outlines. Thanks!

OUTLINE FOR FEEDBACK

· Title: KILLING TIME

· Written By: Susan Rose

· Email Address: sjrose0626@gmail.com

· Genre: Thriller

· Concept: In fear of their lives, teenage brothers kill and dispose of their murderous father; but 15 years later, the dead rises, and he is going to teach his sons a lesson.

[Susan Rose]

Susan’s Fascinating Scene Outlines<div>

<div>

What I learned: I learned the value of paying homage to your genre and making sure it is carried out for the entire story.

Changes made:

• I went through and made sure each scene had at least two of the interest techniques
• Each scene must have (at a minimum) either suspense, mystery, or intrigue
• I eliminated scenes that were not necessary to truly move the story, or could not emanate the theme of suspense, mystery or intigue

</div></div>

[Susan Rose]

Susan Elevates Lead Characters!

What I learned: Every character continues to transform themselves to reveal their purpose within the story, misleading everyone including me, who is supposed to be the creator!

A. Need stronger Lead Characters: I finally realized that my 2nd Protagonist is actually the Antagonist and that I need to make him more sinister; my Antagonist is actually a major supporting role that needs to remain vague, offering red flags to keep suspicion off the Antagonist.

B. Need Stronger Character Intros: I did need to add some edge to the Protagonist that could make him unlikeable on the outside but charming and loyal on the inside.

C. Playing it Too Safe: I believe I conquered this one on the last assignment.

D. Lead Characters Not Present: At this time, I have only six scenes that do not include the Lead Characters.

[Susan Rose]

Susan Solves Major Problems

What I learned: Stop protecting my characters and let the devil come out to play in order to amp up the suspense.

A. Need stronger transformational journey: (Protagonist) Ryan goes from protector to destroyer; (Protagonist) Jax becomes the true antagonist, transforming from victim to villain, (Antagonist) John reveals that he is not grooming a killer, but trying stop/protect his son who is.

B. Need stronger conflict: Jax is picking up his childhood game, pitting his brother and father against one another, making himself a victim and manipulating them to destroy each other.

C. Need stronger opening: To protect his secret from Ryan, 14 y/o Jax tries to kill his father; to protect his brother, 17 y/o Ryan finishes the job.

D. Need Stronger Ending: At the loss of nearly every loved one in his life, at Jax’s hands, Ryan finally sees the truth about his younger brother and obliges his desire of “death by cop”. Returns home with his injured father, destroys their childhood home and its secret tunnel (time portal).

[Susan Rose]

Susan’s Outline Improvements

What I learned doing this assignment: I have finally learned to let go of my feelings for my protagonist and by doing so, I could elevate the “thriller” side of the story, and in doing so, I think the outline is now better than the pitch?!

While staying true to the Protagonist(s)/Antagonist character profiles, the concept, and the genre, I have discovered that the weaker protagonist (displaying his weaknesses throughout) is merely presenting a ruse and he is the true ANTAGONIST. His father, the antagonist has taken responsibility for his son’s actions in an attempt to save the boy from himself and protect the rest of his family.

[Susan Rose]

Susan’s Character Story Lines

What I learned doing this assignment: I have a tendency to overcomplicate my story so much so that I can’t find my way out of the maze I have created. This exercise has opened a few doors to get me to the exit much faster.

PROTAGONIST 1: Ryan Kyle

Beginning: As a teenager, Ryan
kills his father (Jack) a time travelling serial killer, to protect his
younger brother Zach from the sinister machinations of their father. <div>

Turning Point: Ryan, now a
homicide detective, is investigating a series of serial murders,
reminiscent of his father’s crimes 18 years earlier which coincide with Zach’s
crazy ramblings that their father has returned from the dead wanting
vengeance against Ryan.

<div><div>

Midpoint: Ryan’s partner,
Mary, has uncovered curious evidence that could link Zach to the serial
murders in their investigation.

Turning Point 2: Zach
convinces Ryan that he had not successfully killed and disposed of their
father 18 years ago. He and Zach
agree to a plan to beat Jack at his own game on his turf, London 1888.

Major Conflict: Ryan
discovers that Zach has set the plan in motion with him, but has taken
Mary in his place.

Ending: Ryan goes after Zach and
Mary; this time he makes sure his father is good and dead.

PROTAGONIST 2: Zach Kyle

Beginning: At 12 years old, Zach
is Igor to his father’s Frankenstein, forced into serving his psychopathic
father’s demands. </div><div>

Turning Point: Zach is found
by Ryan covered in blood in the throes of emotional breakdown before
confiding that their father has returned from the dead and is coming for
Ryan.

Midpoint: Zach is at the top
of the PD’s suspect list, but he is only complying with Jack’s demands to
protect Ryan.

Turning Point 2: Zach
presents proof that their father is alive, he formulates a plan to beat
their father at his own game.

Major Conflict: When Mary
shows up on Zach’s doorstep, he pleads his case and explains their plan to
destroy Jack. Zach and Mary follow
Jack back in time to 1888 to end the psychopath’s game before Jack can
exact his revenge on Ryan.

Ending: In a stand off
between the two brothers and their father, Jack takes the upper hand, having
landed in time with 12 year old Zach to use as a pawn; but adult Zach will
sacrifice his younger self to save his older brother.

ANTAGONIST: Jack Kyle

Beginning: Serial killer who
uses time as a murder’s playground is beaten at his own game by his
offspring, who attempt to murder him and stage his death. </div>

Turning Point: Jack has been
tormenting Zach, the weaker of his sons, to get to the brother responsible
for his near demise and 18 year mental incarceration.

Midpoint: Jack forces Zach’s
cooperation as unsolved mutilated killings pop up through time, as he eggs
Ryan to submit to his game.

Turning Point 2: Jack leads
his sons to the beginning of his demise, 1888 London, to finish what began
18 years earlier, but with a very different ending for him.

Major Conflict: None that we
know of (possibly dealing with the younger versions of the Kyle men in the
distant past?)

Ending: Jack has no remorse,
he kills and mutilates Mary’s body to make his sons suffer, but his
arrogance and underestimation of the brother’s devotion to each other will
be his undoing.

</div></div>

[Susan Rose]

Susan’s Character Profiles

What I learned doing this assignment: Each assignment brings greater clarity to the concept and ensures that the characters are pulling their weight in bringing the story together.

A. Name: Ryan Kyle

B. Role in the Story: Protagonist, homicide detective, son
of a deceased serial killer, who is investigating a series of murders
reminiscent of his father’s atrocities.

C. Core Traits: Protector, authoritative, determined, skeptic.

D. Motivation: Want/Need: Want = Determined to impose justice and prevent
heinous crimes like those of his father. Need = To protect his brother,
Zach, at all costs, usually through tough love.

E. Flaw/Wound: Flaw = Has little to no faith/trust in
mankind. Wound = Killed his father
and disposed of body 18 years ago, losing his youth/naivete and his first
love

F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: Ryan’s new partner is his first
love, Mary, that abandoned him after losing their parents. Hidden Agenda = He will protect his
brother from himself and his suspected crimes, even if he has to
involuntarily commit his sibling.

G. Internal Dilemma: Knowing first hand that their father
(Jack) is dead, he questions Zach’s sanity and fears his brother is on the
brink of a breakdown, driving a wedge of distrust between the two
brothers.

H. What makes this character perfect for their role in this story?
His life has been dedicated to tracking evil and imposing justice but
cannot allow his brother to succumb to the same fate.

A. Name: Zach Kyle

B. Role in the Story: Protagonist, has a history of PTSD caused
by his father, feels abandoned by his brother when Jack returns for
vengeance.

C. Core Traits: Genius, Inventive, Sarcastic, Paranoid

D. Motivation: Want/Need: Want = His older brother’s trust
and approval. Need = To confront
their father and beat him at his own deadly game.

E. Flaw/Wound: Flaw = Prone to panic attacks and lacking self-worth.
Wound = Was a pawn, at 12 years of
age, in his father’s killing spree; groomed as a psychopath’s lacky.

F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: Secret = He has rebooted and
updated his father’s “time machine”. He trips through time after his
father in the hopes of convincing Ryan that they have to stop Jack.

G. Internal Dilemma: He is determined to stop Jack but
fears he cannot accomplish his mission without the help of Ryan.

H. What makes this character perfect for their role in this story? With
his history of PTSD and a suspect in a murder, he may get locked up before
he can convince Ryan of Jack’s deadly intentions for the brothers.

A. Name: Jack Kyle

B. Role in the Story: Antagonist, has returned from the
dead to exact revenge on his two sons for attempting to kill him 18 years earlier.

C. Core Traits: Diabolical, Brilliant, Remorseless,
Apathetic

D. Motivation: Want/Need: Want = To punish his sons for
their unsuccessful attempt at murder. Need = To satisfy his bloodlust
through torture and mutilation.

E. Flaw/Wound: Flaw = He is an unfeeling psychopath. Wound
= His sons’ ultimate betrayal, ending his killing spree and leaving him
for dead.

F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: Secret = Jack has accessed the
original version of the time machine.
Hidden Agenda = This killing spree is dedicated to Ryan and Zach,
luring them in to his deadly game of vengeance.

G. Internal Dilemma: None that we know of.

H. What makes this character perfect for their role in this story?
He has no empathy, no loyalty, and no regard for ANY life; he lives only
for vengeance and the kill.

[Susan Rose]

Susan’s Genre Conventions

What I learned doing this assignment: This is a great way to bullet point the necessary actions to stay streamlined in your genre without getting distracted with “filler scenes”.

Title: KILLING TIME

Genre: THRILLER

Concept: A serial killer, thought to be dead for 18 years returns, set on revenge and sets his two sons on a frantic chase to end his murderous rampage.

Main Conflict: One brother, a straight arrow cop, the younger, paranoid and suffering PTSD, must learn to trust each other and work together to stop their serial killer father who has manipulated time to torture his family and his victims for years.

Act 1:

Opening: (Is this an engaging opening scene that lures us into the story? Is the lead character clearly living in a pre-transformation mode?) 17 y/o RYAN KYLE and his 12 y/o brother Zach, have killed their father in the basement of the family home and must dispose of the body.

Inciting Incident: (How does this incident invite and propel us into the journey?) 15 years later, Ryan is a homicide detective investigating a possible serial killer, with his new, unwanted partner MARY (they share apparent history and tension) Ryan and Mary find his brother bloody and suffering from a serious panic attack, not taking meds; Mary finds an victims earring in Zach’s bath.

Turning Point: (How is this Turning Point a twist that locks us into the journey with “no going back?”) Zach tries to explain to Ryan that their father is “back from the dead”. Ryan doesn’t believe him, concerned for his brothers mental well being, he demands Zach gets back on his meds… or else.

Act 2:

New Plan: (What new plan did the protagonist create to deal with the Act 1 Turning Point?) Ryan is distracted from his investigation by his brothers “encounter” he tries reaching out and Zach comes to him after getting a call from their “dead father”.

Plan in action: (How does the protagonist take action on that plan?) Zach turns to Ryan to tell his truth, their father is “back from the dead” and wants revenge, he needs Ryan’s help to vanquish their tormentor. Ryan threatens Zach with involuntary commitment if he continues with his delusions and doesn’t get back on meds.

Midpoint Turning Point: While inspecting forensic info on their crime scene Mary recognizes their victim’s missing earring, the mate found in Zach’s bath, she gives Ryan an ultimatum. Ryan finds a cryptic message on his windshield to resume their game.

Act 3:

React/Rethink: (What is revealed to the protagonist from the Midpoint? How do they react or rethink things?) Ryan doesn’t want to believe his brothers involvement but all roads are leading to Zach, who refuses to blame anyone but their father for the killings taking place.

New Plan: Zach and Ryan met up where the younger turns over a beat up file, JTR intel; the bartender identifies the Ripper sketch as the man who had been in looking for them. Ryan delves into related forensic documents to confirm his worst fears, zach always appears at the scene. He breaks into Zach’s home to try to find some kind of evidence to prove/disprove Zach’s involvement; finds MOM.

Turning Point: (The lowest of the low. How has this Turning Point brought the character to the lowest of lows, making it almost impossible for them to win in a normal way? This forces them to adopt the change in a much bigger way.) Ryan dupes Zach into meeting him for lunch which is actually an intervention; Zach is utterly betrayed but finally wins Ryan over with his own proof, photos on his cell of their father committing his heinous murders.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate Expression Of The Conflict: (How is this the ultimate expression of the conflict? How does it require a “fight to the death,” either literally or symbolically?) The brothers go back in time, to the beginning, where they know they can finish the game with their father.

Resolution: (How does this resolution represent the transformation that has taken place and bring this story to a fitting conclusion? How does the change show up in your lead character’s behavior?) Ryan and Zach finally bring down their nemesis where it all began in 1888; Mary is the Ripper’s last victim, but they find their mother who was banished by Jack 15 years earlier.

REVISED OUTLINE:

CONVENTIONS OF THRILLERS PURPOSE: ​ To thrill your audience with high stakes, plot twists, and suspense that never lets up until the adrenalin packed climax.

LIFE AND DEATH SITUATIONS. ​ They face danger at every step — either physically, emotionally, or mentally. The hero needs to either be in danger or there is the implication of future danger.

MYSTERY/INTRIGUE/SUSPENSE: ​ There’s a mystery that must be solved in order to survive. Intrigue is the underhanded and covert Villain’s plan. Suspense comes from the danger the Hero faces.

HERO: ​ Unknowing, unwitting, but resourceful hero

VILLAIN: ​ Dangerous, devious, and unrelenting. Committed to destroy anyone who gets in their way.

MAIN EMOTIONS: ​ Suspense, intrigue, mystery, tension, anticipation, uncertainty, and surprise.

ACT 1:

· Opening: 17 year old Ryan has killed his father, Jack, who has been forcing his younger brother, 12 year old Zach, to jump through time and aid in their father’s gruesome killing spree. Ryan disposes of the body by driving their father’s truck with his remains into the Bay.

· 18 years later, Ryan is a homicide detective investigating a series of murders, the victims are left staged and mutilated, eerily reminiscent or his past.

· Inciting Incident: On the eve of Zach’s birthday, Ryan, and his partner Mary, find his younger brother covered in blood that is not his and in a catatonic state unable to tell Ryan what has happened. The earring of Ryan’s latest victim is found in Zach’s bathroom.

· Zach, back on his meds, is greeted by Ryan after the episode. Zach tries to convince his skeptical brother that their father is not dead and has returned to seek vengeance on the brothers.

ACT 2:

· New plan: Unable to convince Ryan of their peril, he decides to move forward alone, but when Jack makes contact with Zach, he turns once again to his brother. Ryan believes Zach is on the brink of a breakdown.

· Plan in Action: Zach reboots his father’s “time machine” so he can trip through time after Jack, hoping to stop the killer or gather evidence for his brother to get on board and help stop their psychopathic father.

· Turning point: While inspecting forensic info from the latest crime scene, Mary realizes the missing earring of their victim was found in Zach’s bath; Ryan fears his brother may be their killer. Ryan finds a cryptic message on his windshield “the game is on, this time to the death.”

ACT 3:

· React/Rethink: Ryan has to run interference for Zach to keep Mary from pursuing his brother as a suspect. Zach remains aloof from Ryan as he goes after Jack.

· New Plan: Zach meets his brother in the local pub to present a dossier of the most elusive killers in history, Jack the Ripper, the bartender identifies the witness sketch as a patron who was in the bar earlier looking for the brothers. Ryan breaks into Zach’s place and finds their father’s time machine updated and running!

· Turning point: Ryan dupes Zach into attending an intervention, betraying his already fragile sibling. Zach shows him the photos collected on his “trips” of his father in the act of his murders. Ryan is finally on board.

ACT 4:

· Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: The brother’s formulate a plan to go back in time to 1888, where it all began and intercept their father, but when the opening comes, Ryan is not available and Zach goes without him; Ryan follows.

· Resolution: The brothers are triumphant, not without loss, but in the process they find their mother who Jack had banished into the past 18 years earlier.

[Susan Rose]

Susan’s 4 Act Structure

What I learned doing this assignment: I learned to create a structure that highlights the action, conflict and turning points for each scene that will allow me produce solid scenes without unnecessary “fluff”.

Title: KILLING TIME

Genre: THRILLER

Concept: A serial killer, thought to be dead for 20 years returns, set on revenge and sets his two sons on a frantic chase to end his murderous rampage.

Main Conflict: One brother, a straight arrow cop, the younger, paranoid and suffering PTSD, must learn to trust each other and work together to stop their serial killer father who has manipulated time to torture his family and his victims for years.

Then list out the beats of each Act as you have them right now.

Act 1:

Opening: (Is this an engaging opening scene that lures us into the story? Is the lead character clearly living in a pre-transformation mode?) 17 y/o RYAN KYLE and his 12 y/o brother Zach, have killed their father in the basement of the family home and must dispose of the body.

Inciting Incident: (How does this incident invite and propel us into the journey?) 15 years later, Ryan is a homicide detective investigating a possible serial killer, with his new, unwanted partner MARY (they share apparent history and tension) Ryan and Mary find his brother bloody and suffering from a serious panic attack, not taking meds; Mary finds an victims earring in Zach’s bath.

Turning Point: (How is this Turning Point a twist that locks us into the journey with “no going back?”) Zach tries to explain to Ryan that their father is “back from the dead”. Ryan doesn’t believe him, concerned for his brothers mental well being, he demands Zach gets back on his meds… or else.

Act 2:

New Plan: (What new plan did the protagonist create to deal with the Act 1 Turning Point?) Ryan is distracted from his investigation by his brothers “encounter” he tries reaching out and Zach comes to him after getting a call from their “dead father”.

Plan in action: (How does the protagonist take action on that plan?) Zach turns to Ryan to tell his truth, their father is “back from the dead” and wants revenge, he needs Ryan’s help to vanquish their tormentor. Ryan threatens Zach with involuntary commitment if he continues with his delusions and doesn’t get back on meds.

Midpoint Turning Point: While inspecting forensic info on their crime scene Mary recognizes their victim’s missing earring, the mate found in Zach’s bath, she gives Ryan an ultimatum. Ryan finds a cryptic message on his windshield to resume their game.

Act 3:

React/Rethink: (What is revealed to the protagonist from the Midpoint? How do they react or rethink things?) Ryan doesn’t want to believe his brothers involvement but all roads are leading to Zach, who refuses to blame anyone but their father for the killings taking place.

New Plan: Zach and Ryan met up where the younger turns over a beat up file, JTR intel; the bartender identifies the Ripper sketch as the man who had been in looking for them. Ryan delves into related forensic documents to confirm his worst fears, zach always appears at the scene. He breaks into Zach’s home to try to find some kind of evidence to prove/disprove Zach’s involvement; finds MOM.

Turning Point: (The lowest of the low. How has this Turning Point brought the character to the lowest of lows, making it almost impossible for them to win in a normal way? This forces them to adopt the change in a much bigger way.) Ryan dupes Zach into meeting him for lunch which is actually an intervention; Zach is utterly betrayed but finally wins Ryan over with his own proof, photos on his cell of their father committing his heinous murders.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate Expression Of The Conflict: (How is this the ultimate expression of the conflict? How does it require a “fight to the death,” either literally or symbolically?) The brothers go back in time, to the beginning, where they know they can finish the game with their father.

Resolution: (How does this resolution represent the transformation that has taken place and bring this story to a fitting conclusion? How does the change show up in your lead character’s behavior?) Ryan and Zach finally bring down their nemesis where it all began in 1888; Mary is the Ripper’s last victim, but they find their mother who was banished by Jack 15 years earlier.

[Susan Rose]

Susan’s Project Pitch

What I learned doing this assignment: I learned that after not looking at this script for over six years, I must be fairly comfortable with it; I set the timer for three minutes and was done with 30 seconds to spare. I have fingers crossed that this may be a good sign?!

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>GENRE: Thriller

TITLE: KILLING TIME (?)

HIGH CONCEPT: A serial killer, thought to be dead for 20 years returns, set on revenge and sets his two sons on a frantic chase to end his murderous rampage.

MAIN CONFLICT: One brother, a stiff, straight arrow cop, the younger, paranoid and suffering PTSD, must learn to trust each other and work together to stop their serial killer father who has manipulated time to torture his family and his victims for years.

TRANSFORMATIONAL JOURNEY: The two brothers who have grown apart over the years learn to trust and support one another, strengthening their brotherly bond to defeat their common enemy.

OPPOSITION: Jack Kyle, a serial killer and father who subjected younger brother Zach to his atrocities, returns to take revenge on the brothers for their failed attempt at taking down their sire 20 years earlier.

[Susan Rose]

I, Susan Rose, agree to the terms of this release form:

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Susan Rose]

Susan’s ACT 3 Turning Point

What I learned: I was so on a roll that I didn’t even realize I had completed Scene 4 and included it with the Lesson 18 post… oops.

INT. TENT – NIGHT

Shelby and Liam are awakened by a commotion outside their tent and the wind beating against its canvas sides.

MALE CAMPER 1 (OS)

Hey, knock, knock! You’d better wake up! Your fire’s getting out of control.

Inside the tent, the couple is nearly swept up like Dorothy Gale’s home. They quickly escape the tent to find two couples outside bracing against the wind.

The fire which was dying only an hour ago has been stoked by the heavy gusts, sparks flying every which way.

LIAM

Holy shit! Shelby we’ve got to douse this fire.

MALE CAMPER 2

Dude this wind kicked up outta nowhere and your fire went crazy.

Liam scrambles to find the water hose. Shelby frantically grabs a nearby bottle and dumps bourbon over the flames which hungrily grow hotter.

There is a collective GASP of NO! She shamefully tosses the bottle away. Suddenly, the pop up canopy is blown free from its ties scattering the bystanders as it rumbles across the billowing flames, the nylon fabric set quickly afire.

The gusts are relentless. As Liam returns pulling the hose, the canopy is on the move again. Like a burning tumbleweed, it rolls end over end stopped only by their trembling tent. Within seconds it too is ablaze.

Liam squeezes the nozzle, but nothing happens. Shelby immediately realizes her mistake.

SHELBY

The water, Liam, I turned it off after dinner!

She runs to the spigot. Other campers trickle over to observe the disaster.

MALE CAMPER 1

Hey, does anyone have a fire extinguisher?

The water is finally flowing as a female camper runs up with a small handheld extinguisher.

FEMALE CAMPER

Here! Use my extinguisher…

She comes to an abrupt halt when she realizes there is no saving burning mass.

FEMALE CAMPER

For all the good it will do.

Liam tries in vain to water down the flames. Near tears, Shelby observes the futile attempts of her broken fiancé to save his father’s legacy.

EXT. CAMPSITE 4 – NIGHT

Dawn is just on the horizon, it is still dark enough to illuminate the red lights of the lone fire truck on the campground. The curious and nosey have turned in after all the excitement.

Liam stares at the charred ruins of their campsite. One of the firefighters squeezes his upper arm and shakes his hand before departing. After he collapses, Shelby comes to him.

SHELBY

Liam?

Nothing.

SHELBY

Liam, I am so, so very sorry.

She reaches to touch his arm, he pulls away.

LIAM

It’s gone. All that I had left of my father is gone.

SHELBY

I’m going to make this right, Liam; I swear I will fix this.

His hurt and disappointment is too overwhelming, Shelby has to get away. She runs to the only thing left, hiding behind Liam’s truck. She pulls the phone from her jacket pocket and dials. She waits only a second.

SHELBY (In tears)

Abbey? (Beat) Abbey, it’s me, it’s happened again.

ABBEY (OS)

Shelby, where are you? Are you ok?

SHELBY

Abbey, I ruined everything. I hate camping!

[Susan Rose]

Susan’s Act 3 Turning Point

What I learned doing this assignment: Everything is going according to plan. It is amazing how things are unfolding with a purpose and seem to reveal themselves to me with each scene.

ACT 3

INT. HOME OFFICE – NIGHT

Shelby sits at the desk, her lap top open and a video paused on the screen. Between the laptop and camping manuals, she talks to Abbey on her tablet.

ABBEY

Do you have everything on the list?

SHELBY

Yes, I have the tent, which I have already assembled, broken down and reassembled three times over, I think I have that much down.

ABBEY

Well, the most obvious task is complete. What’s next?

SHELBY

That depends…

ABBEY

On what?

Shelby moves the books around, perusing the titles.

SHELBY

How do I prioritize? Alphabetically or importance for survival? We’ve got Starting Your Fire, Flint to Flame; Know Your Knots; Foraging For Real…

On the mini screen Abbey stops mid-sip of wine.

ABBEY

Foraging?

SHELBY

That’s when you have to find food like edible plants and what not.

ABBEY

Thank you, Einstein, I know what foraging is, but the only foraging we do is in the aisle of the grocery store. Honey, put that one away.

SHELBY

I have to learn this stuff, Abs, if I am going to keep up with Liam.

ABBEY

Not tonight you don’t. I say start with the easy tasks and work your way up to the harder stuff.

INT. FOYER – NIGHT

Liam enters carrying a six pack and kicks his boots off in the entryway. He pauses when he hears Shelby GROAN from the office.

INT. HOME OFFICE – NIGHT

Shelby is holding the tablet in the air shaking her friend on the screen frustrated.

SHELBY

You are supposed to be helping me not making me crazy.

ABBEY

I can’t help you when you are shaking me all over the place. Now put me down, you know I would be there if I could, but oh damn, I’m covering somebody’s trip so they can become a camping guru.

Shelby returns the tablet to the desk. She breathes in deeply then exhales.

ABBEY

There you go, I like this Shelby, calm, cool and collected. What do you say, start getting to know your knots?

SHELBY

Sure, I can introduce these (holding up the loose strands of rope) to the ones in my stomach, which by the way, I know very well.

INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT

Liam has made his way down the hall. Standing outside the office door he peeks inside listening to Shelby and Abbey’s conversation.

ABBEY (OS)

Shel, you’ve got this, and I am so proud of you. I don’t think I have ever seen you this determined or committed to anything, well not since graduation night and Mark Glover –

SHELBY (Whispering harshly)

SHHH! We vowed we would never speak of that again!

ABBEY (OS)

My bad, but it’s just you and me, take it easy.

A tune plays, Abbey’s cell is ringing.

ABBEY (OS)

Damn, I got to take this, it’s scheduling, I’m hoping they’re canceling my flight.

SHELBY

Yeah, go on get it. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Hey Abs, thank you, love you.

ABBEY (OS)

Love you too girl and happy studying, bye.

Liam watches Shelby. She grabs the rope strands and the knot manual and situates the items and herself on the floor in front of the desk.

INT. HOME OFFICE – NIGHT

Shelby sits Indian style opening the manual to the first knot and picks up two pieces of rope, reading from the page.

SHELBY

The Reef Knot or Square Knot is quick and easy to tie; it is a good knot for securing non-critical items, blah blah blah; be sure to form the square knot and avoid tying a granny knot.

Looking at the picture she attempts to follow the illustrated instruction with a strand in each hand.

SHELBY

Let’s see, this goes here, and this one here.

She pulls taut on the rope and examines her handy work comparing it to the manual, she frowns.

SHELBY

Well, that doesn’t look quite like the picture.

Liam stands behind her looking over her shoulder at the knot and the page.

LIAM

That’s because you have tied a perfectly lovely granny knot.

Shelby jumps, she closes the manual turning it over to hide the front cover and slips the ropes under her leg.

SHELBY

What are you doing home? I thought you were playing poker?

He lowers himself to the floor behind her, pulling Shelby back between his legs.

LIAM

I was, but I decided I’d rather be home with you.

He finds the pieces of rope that she tried to hide.

LIAM

Where I can help you get to know your knots.

His arms come around her sides as he holds the pieces in front of her. He methodically displays the steps to properly tie the knot.

LIAM

Tie two over hand knots. First, right over left and twist. Then left over right and twist, and pull both ends tight.

He holds it out for her inspection.

Shelby has lost all interest in any knot knowledge and leans back into Liam.

SHELBY

It’s a perfectly lovely square knot.

EXT. CAMPSITE 4 – DAY

Shelby and Liam unload the camping equipment, gadgets, and coolers from the truck. He separates items into small piles in different areas of their site; tent, canopy, coolers and cooking equipment. Shelby watches, admiring his thoroughness.

SHELBY

Hey there, before your OCD kicks into overdrive and we forget to have breakfast can you run up to the diner and grab us a bite?

He stops appearing confused.

LIAM

Now, right now? We need to get set up before we meet up with our rafting group.

SHELBY

Exactly, and I am starving! I won’t be able to help you here or survive that trip if I don’t get something to eat.

LIAM

Then, you make the run, I’ll take care of everything while you’re gone.

SHELBY

I thought we were doing this together? You grab breakfast and I’ll get us some firewood for tonight.

Clearly disgruntled, Liam agrees and drops what he is doing.

Once the truck is out of sight, Shelby gets to work setting up the campsite.

Liam’s F150 rumbles slowly down the stone path and backs into the designated parking spot. Liam exits in disbelief. In his absence, Shelby has quickly and efficiently set up their home away from home and is parked in a folding chair casually sipping a beer.

LIAM

What the hell?

She smiles proudly.

SHELBY

You like?

Liam forgets the food in his truck and walks the perimeter of their site, inspecting the worthiness of the tent, the pop up canopy with netting installed, table, chairs, and coolers all neatly arranged.

LIAM

No, I don’t… I love!

He looks at her sideways.

LIAM

You? You did this, by yourself, while I was gone?

SHELBY

Of course I did this, and yes, by myself; ye of little faith!

LIAM

I can’t believe this, what happened to the frail inhibited Shelby that abhors camping.

She waves her hand, shooing the memory.

SHELBY

That jinxy little wench? I sent her packing with her tail between her legs!

Liam takes her in his arms, kissing her, then admires her hard work once more.

LIAM

You done great, Shel, you should be truly proud of yourself. The only thing missing is my beer.

Shelby seems to produce a beer from thin air.

SHELBY

Voila! Ask and you shall receive.

LIAM

And she has brew magic too!

SHELBY

Now, if only you could make some food appear.

LIAM

Oh, I can do that, but we better make it quick. We need to meet up at the welcome center in 30 minutes.

EXT. WELCOME CENTER – DAY

The group of 20 visitors are gathered listening to their guide explain the day’s itinerary.

Placeholder: The guide will review rules/protocols and lifesaving practices for rafting on the river.

Placeholder: On the river, Shelby and Liam are having an awesome time. While navigating a Class 5 rapid, she is thrown from and comes up under the raft, panicking she “walks the raft” until breaking the surface where she is hauled back into the boat.

EXT. CAMPSITE 4 – NIGHT

Shelby closes the cooler after retrieving a couple of beers, she hands one to Liam and they toast.

SHELBY

Best day ever, Liam. I can’t remember the last time I had this much fun.

She takes a seat away from the fire.

LIAM

Agreed, but you scared the shit out of me when you flew out of the raft and we couldn’t find you.

SHELBY

You were scared? What about me? When I swam up to nothing but raft, I thought this is it; it wasn’t the camp that killed her it was the river.

LIAM

That’s a bit dramatic.

SHELBY

Seriously, I thought I was so screwed until I heard the guide’s instruction… and I just kept repeating, walk the raft, walk the raft, walk the raft. And then my big hero snatched me from the jaws of death!

Liam rolls his eyes.

LIAM

Why don’t you bring your chair over here by the fire and show your hero how much you appreciate him.

Shelby scrunches her nose at the rollicking flames.

SHELBY

I think I’m fine back here and my face appreciates the distance.

LIAM

Your face could have been scarred for life, babe, and I would still love you.

SHELBY

A hero AND romantic, why don’t you meet me in my chambers –

She gestures toward the tent.

SHELBY (CONT)

And, I’ll really show you how much you are appreciated.

Eyebrows raised, he proceeds with a creditable Godfather impression.

LIAM

She makes me an offer I can’t refuse.

Liam pushes out of the chair and pulls Shelby from hers.

LIAM (CONT)

My lady, I hope your appreciation has no bounds.

SHELBY

Well that depends on how envious you want our neighbors to be of my admiration.

Liam slowly surveys the other campers out and about before turning back to Shelby with a devilish grin.

LIAM

I want them to be green with envy.

She takes his hand and leads him into the tent.

INT. TENT – NIGHT

Shelby and Liam are awakened by a commotion outside their tent and the wind beating against its canvas sides.

MALE CAMPER 1 (OS)

Hey, knock, knock! You’d better wake up! Your fire’s getting out of control.

Inside the tent, the couple is nearly swept up like Dorothy Gale’s home. They quickly escape the tent to find two couples outside bracing against the wind.

The fire which was dying only an hour ago has been stoked by the heavy gusts, sparks flying every which way.

LIAM

Holy shit! Shelby we’ve got to douse this fire.

MALE CAMPER 2

Dude this wind kicked up outta nowhere and your fire went crazy.

Liam scrambles to find the water hose. Shelby frantically grabs a nearby bottle and dumps bourbon over the flames which hungrily grow hotter.

There is a collective GASP of NO! She shamefully tosses the bottle away. Suddenly, the pop up canopy is blown free from its ties scattering the bystanders as it rumbles across the billowing flames, the nylon fabric set quickly afire.

The gusts are relentless. As Liam returns pulling the hose, the canopy is on the move again. Like a burning tumbleweed, it rolls end over end stopped only by their trembling tent. Within seconds it too is ablaze.

Liam squeezes the nozzle, but nothing happens. Shelby immediately realizes her mistake.

SHELBY

The water, Liam, I turned it off after dinner!

She runs to the spigot. Other campers trickle over to observe the disaster.

MALE CAMPER 1

Hey, does anyone have a fire extinguisher?

The water is finally flowing as a female camper runs up with a small handheld extinguisher.

FEMALE CAMPER

Here! Use my extinguisher…

She comes to an abrupt halt when she realizes there is no saving burning mass.

FEMALE CAMPER

For all the good it will do.

Liam tries in vain to water down the flames. Near tears, Shelby observes the futile attempts of her broken fiancé to save his father’s legacy.

EXT. CAMPSITE 4 – NIGHT

Dawn is just on the horizon, it is still dark enough to illuminate the red lights of the lone fire truck on the campground. The curious and nosey have turned in after all the excitement.

Liam stares at the charred ruins of their campsite. One of the firefighters squeezes his upper arm and shakes his hand before departing. After he collapses, Shelby comes to him.

SHELBY

Liam?

Nothing.

SHELBY

Liam, I am so, so very sorry.

She reaches to touch his arm, he pulls away.

LIAM

It’s gone. All that I had left of my father is gone.

SHELBY

I’m going to make this right, Liam; I swear I will fix this.

His hurt and disappointment is too overwhelming, Shelby has to get away. She runs to the only thing left, hiding behind Liam’s truck. She pulls the phone from her jacket pocket and dials. She waits only a second.

SHELBY (In tears)

Abbey? (Beat) Abbey, it’s me, it’s happened again.

ABBEY (OS)

Shelby, where are you? What happened? Are you ok?

SHELBY

Abbey, I ruined everything. I hate camping!

[Susan Rose]

Susan’s Act 3 Reaction to Midpoint

What I learned doing this assignment: I am learning that I don’t have to have every scene included at this time. I must keep reminding myself that at this point, I only have to concentrate on the “key scenes”, the rest is filler that can be added later.

INT. HOME OFFICE – NIGHT

Shelby sits at the desk, her lap top open and a video paused on the screen. Between the laptop and camping manuals, she talks to Abbey on her ipad.

ABBEY

Do you have everything on the list?

SHELBY

Yes, I have the tent, which I have already assembled, broke down and reassembled three times over, I think I have that much down.

ABBEY

Well, the most obvious task is complete. What’s next?

SHELBY

That depends…

ABBEY

On what?

Shelby moves the books around, perusing the titles.

SHELBY

How do I prioritize? Alphabetically or importance for survival? We’ve got Starting Your Fire, Flint to Flame; Know Your Knots; Foraging For Real…

On the little ipad screen Abbey stops mid-sip of wine.

ABBEY

Foraging?

SHELBY

That’s when you have to find food like edible plants and what not.

ABBEY

Thank you Einstein, I know what foraging is, but the only foraging we do is in the aisle of the grocery store. Honey, put that one away.

SHELBY

I have to learn this stuff, Abs, if I am going to keep up with Liam.

ABBEY

Not tonight you don’t. I say start with the easy tasks and work your wayto the harder stuff.

INT. FOYER – NIGHT

Liam enters carrying a six pack and kicks his boots off in the entryway. He pauses when he hears Shelby GROAN from the office.

INT. HOME OFFICE – NIGHT

Shelby is holding the ipad in the air shaking her friend on the screen frustrated.

SHELBY

You are supposed to be helping me not making me crazy.

ABBEY

I can’t help you when you are shaking me all over the place. Now put me down, you know I would be there if I could, but oh damn, I’m covering somebody’s trip so they can become a camping guru.

Shelby places the ipad back on the desk. She breathes in deeply then exhales.

ABBEY

There you go, I like this Shelby, calm, cool and collected. What do you say, start getting to know your knots?

SHELBY

Sure, I can introduce these (holding up the loose strands of rope) to the ones in my stomach, which by the way, I know very well.

INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT

Liam has made his way down the hall, standing outside the office door, he peeks inside listening to Shelby and Abbey’s conversation.

ABBEY (OS)

Shel, you’ve got this, and I am so proud of you. I don’t think I have ever seen you this determined or committed to anything, well not since graduation night and Mark Glover –

SHELBY (Whispering harshly)

SHHH! We vowed we would never speak of that again!

ABBEY (OS)

My bad, but it’s just you and me, take it easy.

A tune plays, Abbey’s cell is RINGING on the ipad.

ABBEY (OS)

Damn, I got to take this, it’s scheduling, I’m hoping they’re canceling my flight.

SHELBY

Yeah, go on get it. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Hey Abs, thank you, love you.

ABBEY (OS)

Love you too girl and happy studying, bye.

Liam watches Shelby close the ipad. She grabs the rope strands and the knot manual and situates the items and herself on the floor in front of the desk.

INT. HOME OFFICE – NIGHT

Shelby sits indian style opening the manual to the first knot and picks up two pieces of rope, reading from the page.

SHELBY

The Square Knot is quick and easy to tie; it is a good knot for securing non-critical items, blah blah blah; be sure to form the square knot and avoid tying a granny knot.

Studying the picture, she attempts to follow the instructions with a strand in each hand.

SHELBY

Let’s see, this goes here, and this one here.

She pulls taut on the rope comparing her handy work to the manual, she frowns.

SHELBY

Well, that doesn’t look quite like the picture.

Liam stands behind her looking over her shoulder at her knot and the page.

LIAM

That’s because you have tied a perfectly lovely granny knot.

Shelby jumps, she closes the manual turning it over to hide the front cover and hides the ropes under her leg.

SHELBY

What are you doing home? I thought you were playing poker.

He lowers himself to the floor behind her, pulling Shelby back between his legs.

LIAM

I was, but I decided I’d rather be home with you.

He finds the pieces of rope that she tried to hide.

LIAM

Where I can help you get to know your knots.

His arms come around her sides as he holds the pieces in front of her. He methodically displays the steps to tie a knot.

LIAM

Tie two over hand knots. First, right over left and twist. Then left over right and twist and pull both ends tight.

He holds it out for her inspection.

Shelby has lost all interest in any knot knowledge and leans back into Liam.

SHELBY

It’s a perfectly lovely square knot.

[Susan Rose]

Susan Has Completed Act 2 Draft 1

INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT

Shelby and Liam are sleeping soundly until Shelby becomes restless. She tosses to and fro as if fending off some attack, she stops, her covers flung to the side. She MUMBLES, waking Liam.

LIAM

Shel, you ok?

SHELBY (Mumbling)

Leaves of three let them be.

LIAM

What?

SHELBY

Get! Watch out!

Just as Liam realizes she must be dreaming, Shelby raises her leg straight in the air and brings it down harshly, stomping her foot into the mattress.

LIAM

What the fuck?

Before he can react, Shelby repeats the motion, even more aggressively.

Liam props himself up reaching over, shaking Shelby gently.

LIAM

Shelby, wake up you’re –

For all his gentleness, Shelby pulls back then punches Liam square in his nose.

LIAM

Goddammit! Shelby, what the hell?

Shelby abruptly sits up, her skin moist with perspiration.

SHELBY

Oh my God, Liam, I just had the most horrible dream.

LIAM (Holding his nose)

You think? I was on the receiving end of it!

Shelby quickly turns on the bedside lamp and sees Liam holding his nose, blood trickling between his fingers.

SHELBY

Jesus, Liam, your nose is bleeding. What happened?

LIAM

You, babe, you happened. Whatever nightmare you were having, I guess I was to blame.

Shelby jumps out of the bed and runs to the kitchen.

SHELBY (VO)

Liam, I am so sorry. I’m getting ice.

He moves to the side of the bed, as she returns carrying a bag of ice and a towel.

SHELBY

Let me see.

He accepts the ice and towel then waves her off.

LIAM

It’s fine, really. What the heck was that all about? You were doing some kind of judo kicks here in bed.

She plops on the bed next to him.

SHELBY

I was dreaming that we were back camping. That snake was coming for me at every direction, then hiding under the bed.

LIAM (Amused)

And you were going to karate kick it?

SHELBY (Embarrassed)

No, I was just trying to scare him out.

LIAM

Well, if you punched it like you did me, it would have ended up on the moon.

She peeks under the towel to inspect the damage she inflicted.

LIAM

I think the bleeding has stopped. How does it look?

SHELBY

Like you got sucker punched. I’m so sorry, but do you see now? We’re not even physically camping and still this curse rears its ugly head.

Liam tosses aside the ice, wiping his nose gently, to clean any bloody remnants.

LIAM

We’re going to have to come up with some kick ass story to explain this.

He crawls back to the center of the bed, taking Shelby with him, they snuggle.

LIAM

Come here, you are not a jinx and you don’t have some horrible curse hanging over your head. I admit, you’ve had some pretty shitty luck from what you’ve admitted but that’s all in the past.

SHELBY

Liam, are you sure you want to do this again? Maybe it’s best if you just take Sam and pick up where you left off two years ago.

LIAM

Forget it; I am going to prove to you how wrong you are. Besides, I’ve reserved a spot at a family friendly campground this year to ease you into the world of camping, he’d never settle for that type of glamping.

SHELBY

Glamping? I like that sound of that, sounds safe and right up my alley.

She rolls over to embrace him and sucks in her breath at the rapidly blackening eye.

SHELBY

Yep, that’s going to need a kick ass story, although the truth might make for a more entertaining rendition.

LIAM

What, woman tries to decapitate snake boyfriend with a karate chop, claiming it was all a dream?

SHELBY (Giggling)

Yeah, something like that.

She kisses his bruised eye and bloodied nose.

SHELBY

Thank you, Liam, for being so patient with me. If I haven’t told you lately, I love you, I think I will keep you around for a while; at least until I have this camping thing down to a science.

Susan’s Act 2 Middle Scenes

INT. HOME OFFICE – DAY

Shelby sits at a desk concentrating on a video playing on her laptop. The doorbell RINGS.

INT. FOYER – DAY

Without waiting for an invitation, Abbey lets herself in.

ABBEY

Knock, knock, anybody home?

SHELBY (VO)

Come on in… Oh wait, you already did.

Abbey stops to check her appearance in the hall mirror.

ABBEY

You ass, where are you?

SHELBY (VO)

In the office.

Abbey knows the floor plan like her own home and heads down the hallway to

INT. HOME OFFICE – DAY

Abbey drops her purse into a chair and curiously moves behind the desk to peer over Shelby’s shoulder.

ABBEY

Oooh, whatchya watching, Tik Tok? Face Book?

SHELBY

You Tube

ABBEY

Let me see, come on, scootch over, so I can see.

Shelby complies but Abbey is bitterly disappointed by the video of camp life instruction.

ABBEY

What the heck is that?

SHELBY (Distracted)

I told you, the University of You Tube. I am learning the basics of camp life procedures and protocols.

ABBEY

Ugh, stop it.

She reaches over Shelby’s shoulder to cut off the video.

ABBEY

Here are the basics, relax, go with the flow, and just have fun. There, lesson over, now come on, we are going to be late.

SHELBY

Late for what, I can’t go anywhere. Abbey, I’m serious, I can’t let Liam down again, I need to be prepared this time around.

ABBEY

Agreed, but first you have to let go of this stress and anxiety, and what better way to do that than a spa mani-pedi?

SHELBY

Oh, that sounds so tempting, I don’t know.

ABBEY

It includes unlimited free wine and mimosa’s.

With that last, Shelby doesn’t hesitate to close her laptop and push away from the desk.

SHELBY

Sold, let’s go, but then I have to get home and finish these tutorials.

Abbey rolls her eyes, shaking her head, she grabs her purse and follows Shelby from the office.

ABBEY

Of course, but just remember, if you gotta do something that is absolutely abhorrent to you, you better look good doing it.

EXT. RENAISSANCE FAIR – DAY

Placeholder: Shelby and Liam spend a perfectly wonderful chilly day at the fair, putting Shelby at ease for the night of camping yet to come.

INT. TENT – NIGHT

Shelby and Liam are bundled inside sleeping bags in the tent. The temperature has plummeted and both bodies shiver almost convulsively.

SHELBY (Teeth chattering)

Li… Li… Liam, are you a… a… wake?

He snuggles close to her, trying to share his warmth.

LIAM

Kind of hard to sleep in subzero temps, you ok?

SHELBY

Not really, you think we can go back to the bathroom? See if they got the heater working.

LIAM (Looks at his watch)

It’s only been 40 minutes, I’m sure maintenance won’t come until morning to repair the heater.

SHELBY

I’m so sorry, if I hadn’t left the propane heater on while we were at the fair, there would probably still be some gas to heat the tent.

LIAM

It’s ok, we’ll get more gas when the shop opens in the morning.

SHELBY

If we survive til morning.

He feels her shiver violently beside him.

LIAM

Come on, let’s go sit by the fire.

SHELBY

Outside? Where it’s even colder?

LIAM

The wind’s not bad and we have enough wood to keep the fire stoked throughout the night. It’ll be like in the olden days, sleeping under the open sky.

SHELBY

Except back then, they didn’t have a choice.

Liam winces at the dig and prods her gently.

LIAM

Hey, we can hang it up and find a hotel nearby.

SHELBY

No, this is your time, and I’m no quitter.

LIAM

This is our time, and I wouldn’t call it quitting, in truth, it’s probably more sensible. Motel 6? They may have left the light on?

SHELBY

We came to camp, and camping we shall do. Go get that fire stoked and I’ll grab the sleeping bags and be right behind you.

Liam gives her a squeeze and before crawling toward the exit.

LIAM

Old Bob Bodette, you think that guy is still alive?

SHELBY

Probably not, he most likely froze to death looking for the motel where someone turned the light off.

EXT. CAMPSITE 3 – NIGHT

Shelby exits the tent, arms full with both bags and a deck of cards. She is a walking clothes rack having donned just about every piece of clothing in her possession, including layers of socks on her hands.

SHELBY

Look, I found the trivia cards.

Liam smiles and holds up a bourbon bottle.

LIAM

I found a little something also, to warm the gut?

The fire is blazing and they settle right up to the edge of the fire. With the heat from the flames and the shots of bourbon the chill melts from their bones.

Placeholder: They pass the night drinking and quizzing each other from their Renaissance trivia cards, keeping the fire rolling. Liam’s boots catch fire from propping them unknowingly over the flames. They fall asleep curled right up to the fire ring.

EXT. CAMPSITE 3 – MORNING

The couple awakes, woolen hats pulled down low over their heads, with scarves wrapped around their head and face. Liam pokes the still glowing embers, feeding more logs to the fire.

Once the blaze is kicking out heat again, Shelby crawls out from her covers.

SHELBY

I’ll get breakfast going.

Shelby rummages through the cooler, everything is frozen solid.

SHELBY

Um, Liam, I think we have a problem.

She is now shuffling items in the storage bin.

LIAM

What’s the matter?

SHELBY

Everything is frozen, and I mean, everything; the water, milk, eggs…

Shelby raises a bottle of liquid dish soap from the container.

SHELBY

Even the liquid soap. I didn’t think it possible for liquid soap to freeze.

He sees where the mood is shifting and quickly reacts.

LIAM

Hey, it’s no biggie. We’ll grab breakfast at the diner, then get some more propane, it’s all good.

She drops the soap with a CLUNK and feels the calm settle in.

SHELBY

Ok, sounds good, but first, I’ve got to pee.

LIAM

That makes two of us, come on, we’ll hit the bathroom on the way out.

EXT. RESTROOM – DAY

Still bundled head to toe, they split at the restroom heading to their respective facilities. From inside the woman’s bath Shelby SCREAMS.

Shelby and Liam emerge simultaneously from opposing entryways, bare faced, caps removed, speaking at the same time.

LIAM

WHAT THE FUCK?

SHELBY

MY FACE!

Having nearly collided, they back up to examine each other’s image. The proximity to the fire the night before causing severe thermal burns, leaves their faces scorched red with tiny blisters across the surface. Shelby can’t maintain her composure any longer, she breaks down.

SHELBY

I hate camping!

INT. FOYER – DAY

Shelby enters, red faced but relaxed.

SHELBY

Liam! I got it, the prescription for this winter burn.

She peeks into the LR doorway, no one. She moves down the hall to –

INT. KITCHEN – DAY

She sees Liam on the back deck, looking serious as he converses with his best friend, Sam. Shelby frowns, biting a fingernail, debating. She quietly opens the window, to eaves drop on the conversation.

EXT. BACK DECK – DAY

LIAM

I don’t know Sam, I mean she is trying.

SAM

Whining and making bullshit excuses about jinxes and curses is not the same as trying.

Liam has no response but lifts a bottle of beer and finishes it off.

SAM

Dude, you’re my best friend, you are the most gifted outdoorsman I have ever known, but when you go off with Shelby, it’s like the grim reaper is riding third wheel.

LIAM

Really, the Grim Reaper, who’s talking bullshit now?

SAM

Before Shelby, you have camped every single year for 20 years, WITHOUT incident. The past two trips, with your (air quotes) jinx in tow, have ended for you in near death experiences. You think third time’s the charm?

Liam pulls out two more beers from a cooler at his feet and tosses one to Sam.

LIAM

Ok, I admit it, the trips ended abruptly and a bit precariously, but Shelby can’t control wildlife, woods, or the weather.

Sam merely raises his eyebrows, HARRUMPHS, and takes a drink.

SAM

Precariously? You almost died the first time out, then had your face scorched off the next! That shit never happened with your dad, or with me. I know I sound like a jealous bitch, but I can’t believe you’re blowing me off for the jinx.

LIAM

That’s enough, Sam, I know things have been going south with me and Shelby. It seems like we’re growing apart and I had hoped if she could find the appreciation for the outdoors like I do, it might have brought us closer together.

SAM

Closer together or closer to death? Cuz I’d say death is pulling away here.

You gotta choose my friend, a short, reckless, unhappy life, or one that sees old age, a pension, and a walker.

LIAM

Yeah I can see it now, you and me racing up and down the old folks home with our clacking walkers on the tile floor.

SAM

No way, Dude, we’re putting tennis balls on the feet of those bitches and hobbling ninja style, we’ll be close to invisible.

The men laugh and carry on comfortable with their joking one another while –

INT. KITCHEN – DAY

Shelby watches the two men jesting, comfortable with each other and in their own skin. She quietly closes the window as a tear slips down her cheek. She picks up her purse and departs the house.

EXT. BACK DECK – DAY

Liam and Sam look up at the kitchen window.

LIAM

Did you hear something?

SAM

No. (Looking close at Liam) Are you ok? It looks like your face is about to melt off.

LIAM

That’s the least of my worries. I don’t know what I’m going to do. If I have to choose between this camping thing and Shelby, there is no choice, Sam, I choose Shelby every time.

SAM

Does she know why this is so important to you, have you told her about your dad?

Liam says not a word but shakes his head, no.

SAM

Then maybe you need to have a talk, put the ball in her court and let her make a choice. As much as I hate to say this, she just might surprise you.

EXT. LIBRARY – DAY

ABBEY (VO)

Hey, this is Abbey, you know what to do baby, leave a number and I’ll call you maybe.

Frustrated, Shelby whisper yells into the receiver.

SHELBY

Oh my god, Abbey, where are you? We need to talk ASAP! Meet me at the library.

She prepares to hang up then remembers something else.

SHELBY

And please, change your voicemail message. I think seven years of call you maybe is maybe too much! See you soon, maybe.

She disconnects, shoves the cell into her purse and enters the library.

INT. LIBRARY – DAY

Shelby slowly walks down the aisle, books shelves on either side. He arms are laden with no less than five manuals. As she squints to see a title on an upper shelf, a dainty hand lands on her shoulder, the armload of books end up on the floor..

SHELBY

Jesus Abbey, what are you sneaking up on me like that for?

Her friend looks around confused.

ABBEY

I wasn’t sneaking, this is a library for Christ’s sake, you’re supposed to be quiet. So where’s the fire, why all your urgent life and death messages?

Shelby fights back the tears.

SHELBY

It’s Liam…

ABBEY

Let’s skip the parts I know about and get to the real problem.

Shelby collapses to the floor, gathering the books into her lap.

SHELBY

I think he’s done, I mean really done this time. I overheard him and Sam talking about me and my nonexistent camping abilities.

Abbey seems to brighten and takes a spot on the floor against the opposite shelves.

ABBEY

This sounds interesting, proceed.

SHELBY

He told Sam things were falling apart between us and he is going to have to make a decision, soon.

ABBEY

A decision, about what?

SHELBY (shrugging)

Not about, but between what. He is going to have to choose between me and camping.

ABBEY (In disbelief)

Shel, stop being stupid, that’s not even a choice. Of course, he would choose you over some ridiculous Boy Scout romp.

SHELBY

It’s not just a romp, this is something he’s been doing since he was eight, religiously! That’s 20 years to my five.

ABBEY

But you’re engaged, that means something.

SHELBY

Engaged for three years, Abs, I’d say that means he is reluctant to get married, maybe I’m not the right person for him and he has finally realized that by my camping fiascos.

ABBEY

I don’t believe that…

She glances at the stack of texts on Shelby’s lap.

ABBEY (CONT)

And neither do you, or you wouldn’t be here researching.

Abbey stands holding out her hands to Shelby who is now looking confused.

ABBEY (CONT)

Come on, if we’re going to get you camp worthy and break this curse, you’re going to need help, and lots of it!

[Susan Rose]

Susan’s Act 2 – Mid Point TP

What I learned doing this assignment: Every scene should end like a TV series episode with some kind of mini cliffhanger, and the last scene of the Act should end like the season finale.

INT. FOYER – DAY

Shelby enters, red faced but relaxed.

SHELBY

Liam! I got it, the prescription for this winter burn.

She peeks into the LR doorway, no one. She moves down the hall to –

INT. KITCHEN – DAY

She sees Liam on the back deck, looking serious as he converses with his best friend, Sam. Shelby frowns, biting a fingernail, debating. She quietly opens the window, to eaves drop on the conversation.

EXT. BACK DECK – DAY

LIAM

I don’t know Sam, I mean she is trying.

SAM

Whining and making bullshit excuses about jinxes and curses is not the same as trying.

Liam has no response but lifts a bottle of beer and finishes it off.

SAM

Dude, you’re my best friend, you are the most gifted outdoorsman I have ever known, but when you go off with Shelby, it’s like the grim reaper is riding third wheel.

LIAM

Really, the Grim Reaper, who’s talking bullshit now?

SAM

Before Shelby, you have camped every single year for 20 years, WITHOUT incident. The past two trips, with your jinx in tow, have ended for you in near death experiences. You think third time’s the charm?

Liam pulls out two more beers from a cooler at his feet and tosses one to Sam.

LIAM

Ok, I admit it, the trips ended abruptly and a bit precariously, but Shelby can’t control wildlife, woods, or the weather.

Sam merely raises his eyebrows, HARRUMPHS, and takes a drink.

SAM

Precariously? You almost died the first time out, then had your face scorched off the next! That shit never happened with your dad, or with me. I know I sound like a jealous bitch, but I can’t believe you’re blowing me off for the jinx.

LIAM

That’s enough, Sam, I know this isn’t working. It seems like we are growing apart and I had hoped if she could find the appreciation in the outdoors like I do, it might have brought us closer together.

SAM

Closer together or closer to death? Cuz I’d say death is pulling away here.

You gotta choose my friend, a short, reckless, unhappy life, or one that sees old age, a pension, and a walker.

LIAM

Yeah I can see it now, you and me racing up and down the old folks home with our clacking walkers on the tile floor.

SAM

No way, Dude, we’re putting tennis balls on the feet of those bitches and hobbling ninja style, we’ll be close to invisible.

The men laugh and carry on comfortable with their joking one another while –

INT. KITCHEN – DAY

Shelby watches the two men carry on comfortable with each other and in their own skin. She quietly closes the window as a tear slips down her cheek. She picks up her purse and departs the house.

EXT. BACK DECK – DAY

Liam and Sam look up at the kitchen window.

LIAM

Did you hear something?

SAM

No. (Looking close at Liam) Are you ok? It looks like your face is about to melt off.

LIAM

That’s the least of my worries. I don’t know what I’m going to do. If I have to choose between this camping thing and Shelby, there is no choice, Sam, I choose Shelby every time.

SAM

Does she know why this is so important to you, have you told her about your dad?

Liam says not a word but shakes his head, no.

SAM

Then maybe you need to have a talk, put the ball in her court and let her make a choice. As much as I hate to say this, she just might surprise you.

EXT. LIBRARY – DAY

Shelby passes outside the entry doors with her phone to her ear.

ABBEY (VO)

Hey, this is Abbey, you know what to do baby, leave a number and I’ll call you maybe.

Frustrated, Shelby whisper yells into the receiver.

SHELBY

Oh my god, Abbey, where are you? We need to talk ASAP! Please meet me at the library.

She prepares to hang up then remembers something else.

SHELBY

And please, change your voicemail message. I think seven years of call you maybe is maybe to much! See you soon, maybe.

She disconnects, shoves the cell into her purse and enters the library.

INT. LIBRARY – DAY

Shelby slowly walks down the aisle, books shelves on either side. He arms are laden with no less than eight manuals. As she squints to see a title on an upper shelf a dainty hand lands on her shoulder, the armload of books end up on the floor..

SHELBY

Jesus Abbey, what are you sneaking up on me like that for?

Her friend looks around them confused.

ABBEY

I wasn’t sneaking, this is a library for Christ’s sake, you’re supposed to be quiet. So where’s the fire, why all your urgent life and death messages?

Shelby fights back the tears.

SHELBY

It’s Liam…

ABBEY

Let’s skip the parts I know and get to the real problem.

Shelby collapses to the floor, gathering the books into her lap.

SHELBY

I think he’s done, I mean really done this time. I hear him and Sam talking about me and my nonexistent camping abilities.

Abbey seems to brighten and takes a spot on the floor against the opposite shelves.

ABBEY

This sounds interesting, proceed.

SHELBY

He told Sam things were falling apart between us and he is going to have to make a decision, soon.

ABBEY

A decision, about what?

SHELBY (shrugging)

Not about, but between what. He is going to have to choose between me and camping.

ABBEY (In disbelief)

Shel, stop being stupid, that’s not even a choice. Of course, he would choose you over some ridiculous boy scout romp.

SHELBY

It’s not just a romp, this is something he’s been doing since he was eight, religiously! That’s 20 years to my five.

ABBEY

But you’re engaged, that means something.

SHELBY

Engaged for three years, Abs, I’d say that means he is reluctant to get married, maybe I’m not the right person for him and he has finally realized that by my camping failures.

ABBEY

I don’t believe that…

She glances at the stack of texts on Shelby’s lap.

ABBEY (CONT)

And neither do you, or you wouldn’t be here researching.

Abbey stands holding out her hands to Shelby who is now looking confused.

ABBEY (CONT)

Come on, if we’re going to
get you camp worthy and break this curse, you’re going to need help, and lots
of it

[Susan Rose]

Susan’s Act 2 Middle Scenes

What I learned doing this assignment: I learned not to stress over the actual details of “how am I going to get my characters from the inciting incident on to the road to start their journey”? While building Act 2, the answer just revealed itself!

INT. HOME OFFICE – DAY

Shelby sits at a desk concentrating on a video playing on her laptop. The doorbell RINGS.

INT. FOYER – DAY

Without waiting for an invitation, Abbey lets herself in.

ABBEY

Knock, knock, anybody home?

SHELBY (VO)

Come on in… Oh wait, you already did.

Abbey stops to check her appearance in the hall mirror.

ABBEY

You ass, where are you?

SHELBY (VO)

In the office.

Abbey knows the floor plan like her own home and heads down the hallway to

INT. HOME OFFICE – DAY

Abbey drops her purse into a chair and curiously moves behind the desk to peer over Shelby’s shoulder.

ABBEY

Oooh, whatchya watching, Tik Tok? Face Book?

SHELBY

You Tube

ABBEY

Let me see, come on, scootch over, so I can see.

Shelby complies but it bitterly disappointed by the video of camp life instruction.

ABBEY

What the heck is that?

SHELBY (Distracted)

I told you, the University of You Tube. I am learning the basics of camp life procedures and protocols.

ABBEY

Ugh, stop it.

She reaches over Shelby’s shoulder to cut off the video.

ABBEY

Here are the basics, relax and just go with the flow. There, lesson over, now come on, we are going to be late.

SHELBY

Late for what, I can’t go anywhere. Abbey, I’m serious, I can’t let Liam down again, I need to be prepared this time around.

ABBEY

Agreed, but first you have to let go of this stress and anxiety, and what better way to do that than a spa mani-pedi?

SHELBY

Oh, that sounds so tempting, I don’t know.

ABBEY

It includes unlimited free wine and mimosa’s.

With that last, Shelby doesn’t hesitate to close her laptop and push away from the desk.

SHELBY

Sold, let’s go, but then I have to get home and finish these tutorials.

Abbey rolls her eyes, shaking her head, she grabs her purse and follows Shelby from the office.

ABBEY

Of course, but just remember, if you gotta do something that is absolutely abhorrent to you, you better look good doing it.

EXT. RENAISSANCE FAIR – DAY

Placeholder: Shelby and Liam spend a perfectly wonderful chilly day at the fair, putting Shelby at ease for the night of camping yet to come.

INT. TENT – NIGHT

Shelby and Liam are bundled inside sleeping bags in the tent. The temperature has plummeted and both bodies shiver almost convulsively.

SHELBY (Teeth chattering)

Li… Li… Liam, are you awake?

He snuggles close to her, trying to share his warmth.

LIAM

Kind of hard to sleep in subzero temps, you ok?

SHELBY

Not really, you think we can go back to the bathroom? See if they got the heater working.

LIAM (Looks at his watch)

It’s only been 40 minutes, I’m sure maintenance won’t come until morning to repair the heater.

SHELBY

I’m so sorry, if I hadn’t left the propane heater on while we were at the fair, there would probably still be some gas to heat the tent.

LIAM

It’s ok, we’ll get more gas when the shop opens in the morning.

SHELBY

If we survive til morning.

He feels her shiver violently beside him.

LIAM

Come on, let’s go sit by the fire.

SHELBY

Outside? Where it’s even colder?

LIAM

The wind’s not bad and we have enough wood to keep the fire stoked throughout the night. It’ll be like in the olden days, sleeping under the open sky.

SHELBY

Except back then, they didn’t have a choice.

Liam winces at the dig and prods her gently.

LIAM

Hey, we can hang it up and find a hotel nearby.

SHELBY

No, this is your time, and I’m no quitter.

LIAM

This is our time, and I wouldn’t call it quitting, in truth, it’s probably more sensible. Motel 6? They may have left the light on?

SHELBY

We came to camp, and camping we shall do. Go get that fire stoked and I’ll grab the sleeping bags and be right behind you.

Liam gives her a squeeze and before crawling toward the exit.

LIAM

Old Bob Bodette, you think that guy is still alive?

SHELBY

Probably not, he most likely froze to death looking for the motel where someone turned the light off.

EXT. CAMPSITE 3 – NIGHT

Shelby exits the tent, arms full with both bags and a deck of cards. She is walking clothes rack having donned just about every piece of clothing in her possession, including socks on her hands.

SHELBY

Look, I found the trivia cards.

Liam smiles and holds up a bourbon bottle.

LIAM

I found a little something also, to warm the gut?

The fire is blazing and they settle right up to the edge of the fire. With the heat from the flames and the shots of bourbon the chill melts from their bones.

Placeholder: They pass the night drinking and quizzing each other from their Renaissance trivia cards, keeping the fire rolling. Liam’s boots catch fire from propping them unknowingly over the flames. They fall asleep curled right up to the fire ring.

EXT. CAMPSITE 3 – MORNING

The couple awakes, woolen hats pulled down low over their heads, with scarves wrapped around their head and face. Liam pokes the still glowing embers, feeding more logs to the fire.

Once the blaze is kicking out heat again, Shelby crawls out from her covers.

SHELBY

I’ll get breakfast going.

Shelby rummages through the cooler, everything is frozen solid.

SHELBY

Um, Liam, I think we have a problem.

She is now shuffling items in the storage bin.

LIAM

What’s the matter?

SHELBY

Everything is frozen, and I mean, everything; the water, milk, eggs…

Shelby raises a bottle of liquid dish soap from the container.

SHELBY

Even the liquid soap. I didn’t think liquid soap could even freeze.

He sees where the mood is shifting and quickly reacts.

LIAM

Hey, it’s no biggie. We’ll grab breakfast at the diner, then get some more propane, it’s all good.

She drops the soap and feels the calm settle in.

SHELBY

Ok, sounds good, but first, I’ve got to pee.

LIAM

That make two of us, come on, we’ll hit the bathroom on the way out.

EXT. RESTROOM – DAY

Still bundled head to toe, they split at the restroom heading to their respective facilities. From inside the woman’s bath Shelby SCREAMS.

Shelby and Liam emerge simultaneously from opposing entryways, bare faced, caps removed, speaking at the same time.

LIAM

WHAT THE FUCK?

SHELBY

MY FACE!

Having nearly collided, they back up to examine each other’s image. The proximity to the fire the night before causing severe thermal burns leaves their faces scorched red with tiny blisters across the surface. Shelby can’t maintain her composure any longer, she breaks down.

SHELBY

I hate camping!

[Susan Rose]

Susan’s Act 2 Reaction to TP 1

What I learned doing this assigment: I think I am finally getting used to implementing the theory of “beginning, middle, and end” for EACH scene.

INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT

Shelby and Liam are sleeping soundly until Shelby becomes restless. She tosses to and fro as if fending off some attack, then stops, her covers flung to the side. She begins MUMBLING, waking Liam.

LIAM

Shel, you ok?

SHELBY (Mumbling)

Leaves of three let them be.

LIAM

What?

SHELBY

Get! Watch out!

Just as Liam realizes she must be dreaming, Shelby raises her leg straight in the air and brings it down harshly, stomping her foot into the mattress.

LIAM

What the fuck?

Before he can react, Shelby repeats the motion, even more aggressively.

Liam props himself up reaching over, shaking Shelby gently.

LIAM

Shelby, wake up you’re –

For all his gentleness, Shelby pulls away then punches Liam square in his nose.

LIAM

Goddammit! Shelby, what the hell?

Shelby sits up abruptly, her skin moist with perspiration.

SHELBY

Oh my God, Liam, I just had the most horrible dream.

LIAM (Holding his nose)

You think? I was on the receiving end of it!

Shelby quickly turns on the bedside lamp and sees Liam holding his nose, blood trickling between his fingers.

SHELBY

Jesus, Liam, your nose is bleeding. What happened?

LIAM

You, babe, you happened. Whatever nightmare you were having, I guess I was to blame.

Shelby jumps out of the bed and runs to the kitchen.

SHELBY (VO)

Liam, I am so sorry. I am getting ice.

He moves to the side of the bed, as she returns carrying a bag of ice and a towel.

SHELBY

Let me see.

He accepts the ice and towel then waves her off.

LIAM

Its fine, really. What the heck was that all about? You were doing some kind of judo kicks there in bed.

She plops on the bed next to him.

SHELBY

I was dreaming that we were back camping, yet here in our room. That snake was coming for me at every direction, then hiding under the bed.

LIAM (Amused)

And you were going to karate kick it?

SHELBY (Embarrassed)

No, I was just trying to scare him out.

LIAM

Well, if you punched it like you did me, it would have ended up on the moon.

She peeks under the towel to inspect the damage she inflicted.

LIAM

I think the bleeding has stopped. How does it look?

SHELBY

Like you got sucker punched. I’m so sorry, but do you see now? We’re not even physically camping and still this curse rears its ugly head.

Liam tosses aside the ice, wiping his nose gently, to clean any bloody remnants.

LIAM

We’re going to have to come up with some kick ass story to explain this.

He crawls back to the center of the bed, taking Shelby with him, they snuggle.

LIAM

Come here, you are not a jinx and you don’t have some horrible curse following you about. I admit, you’ve had some pretty shitty luck from what you’ve admitted but that’s all in the past.

SHELBY

Liam, are you sure you want to do this again? Maybe its best if you just take Sam and pick up where you left off two years ago.

LIAM

Forget it, I am going to prove to you how wrong you are. Besides, I’ve reserved a spot at a family friendly campground this year to ease you into the world of camping, he’d never settle for that type of glamping.

SHELBY

Glamping? I like that sound of that, sounds safe and right up my alley.

She rolls over to embrace him and sucks in her breath at the rapidly blackening eye.

SHELBY

Yep, that’s going to need a kick ass story, although the truth might make for a better story.

LIAM

What, woman tries to decapitate snake boyfriend with a karate chop, claiming it was all a dream?

SHELBY (Giggling)

Yeah, something like that.

She kisses his bruised eye and bloodied nose.

SHELBY

Thank you, Liam, for being so patient with me. If I haven’t told you lately, I love you, I think I will keep you around for a while; at least until I have learned to camp on my own.

[Susan Rose]

Susan’s Finished Act 1

What I learned doing this assignment: To keep forging on! The process is not moving quite as readily as it was at first, but I think that I am trying too hard to force the “com” of this rom-com. I learned that I have to let that go for right now.

ACT 1

INT. TENT – NIGHT

Six-year-old, SHELBY, snuggles with her ragdoll, Pink Baby, in her sleeping bag beside her older brother KYLE (age 9). She reaches out of the bag with a twig and runs it through Kyle’s hair. He jumps startled, swatting at the object. Shelby GIGGLES.

KYLE

Cut it out, Shelby, and go to sleep!

SHELBY

I’m not tired.

KYLE

Of course, you’re not tired, you don’t ever have to do anything.

SHELBY

What am I supposed to do?

KYLE

Nothing, you’re too small.

Kyle rolls over in his bag, presenting his back to his sister.

SHELBY

Am not!

She attacks him again with twig. He sits up.

KYLE

I mean it Shelby, knock it off before you get us in trouble!

SHELBY

Don’t be mad, Ky, I can’t sleep.

Outside the tent, THUNDER claps and heavy rain drops SPLAT against the canvas. From across the tent, DAD SNORTS in response to the incoming storm, the siblings GIGGLE.

KYLE

Well, Dad’s having no problem sleeping.

The rain falls now in earnest, beating against the tent.

SHELBY

Ky, why don’t you like camping? I love it!

KYLE

I don’t hate it, it’s just a lot of work. I’d rather go to a game or just go fishing.

Water drips through the canvas on top of Shelby’s head. Kyle tries to hold back his laughter, GIGGLING at her shocked face.

SHELBY

Hey, that’s not funny!

KYLE

Yeah it is. Come here, you can sleep with me.

Shelby no sooner settles in with Kyle and Pink Baby when the heavy rains begin flooding the tent. The sleeping bags are quickly drenched.

KYLE & SHELBY (in unison)

MOM! DAD!

Their father, BOB, and mother, TERRY, pop up on the air mattress. Bob turns up the lantern readily surveying the interior.

BOB

Shit!

TERRY

Bob, language.

BOB

Terry, get the kids to the truck… NOW!

Terry rolls from the mattress stepping into ankle high water.

TERRY

Oh Shit! Kids come on!

Terry grabs her children’s hands leading them from the tent.

EXT. CAMPSITE – NIGHT

The rain is cold and unrelenting. Bob is frantically throwing gear into storage bins as he eyes the water rushing down the mountainside, overflowing the narrow river along their site. Terry takes the kids hands and links them together.

TERRY

Kyle, take your sister and get to the truck!

Kyle helps Shelby into the back seat, her teeth chattering.

KYLE

Do you still LOVE camping?

SHELBY

Ye… ye… yes, this is awe… some!

KYLE

Stay here, I’ll be right back.

He closes the door running back to the tent shielding his eyes from the pelting rain. He nearly collides with his parents as they carry bins to the SUV.

BOB

Kyle, get in the goddamn truck!

KYLE

I have to get something.

Ignoring, his father’s angry scowl, Kyle scurries into the tent.

Shelby’s face is pressed against the window to get a glimpse of the activity outside. Her curiosity turns suddenly to panic as she sees Pink Baby floating toward the racing river. She BANGS the glass.

SHELBY (from inside the truck)

Daddy! Pink Baby!

They are too distracted to see or hear Shelby. She opens the door and jumps out, slogging through the mud to save Pink Baby.

Kyle exits the tent with a blanket from his parents bedding. He races to the empty truck finding the door open.

KYLE

Here, this should keep you warm…

He spins frantically around searching for his missing sister. Bob and Terry cram more equipment into the SUV.

KYLE

Shelby! Dad, Shelby’s gone, she was just here!

All at once the family sees Shelby reaching into the water for her rag doll before the heavy stream carries it away. She slips in the mud, sliding to the river’s edge, the current snatching the child into the rushing waters. Shelby SCREAMS.

SHELBY

Mommy! Daddy!

TERRY

SHELBY!

Without a word, Bob throws the keys to Terry and takes off.

Shelby clings to Pink Baby and a fallen branch holding fast against the hungry current. Her hands slip on the moss coated the branch. Just as her strength fails her, she is yanked from the chilly waters. Clutching the fragile child in his arms, Bob takes off.

As he nears the SUV, the passenger door is thrown open. Bob practically vaults into the front seat, hand SLAMMING the dash.

BOB (yelling)

Go! Go! Go!

Terry guns it. All four wheels spin for a second before gaining traction and taking off. The parents watch in the mirrors as a landslide races down the mountainside consuming the remains of their campsite. Kyle gingerly passes the blanket to the front seat.

SHELBY (sniffling)

Daddy, me and Pink Baby don’t ever want to go camping again!

BOB

No, Shelby girl, if you don’t want to, you’ll never have to camp again.

Shelby pulls the blanket tightly around herself and Pink Baby.

SHELBY (mumbling)

I hate camping.

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT, 20 YEARS LATER

The open kitchen rings with feminine LAUGHTER. Shelby, now 26, tall and lithe with flowing dark hair, uncorks a wine bottle. Her best friend, ABBEY, smaller in stature with lighter golden features, places the glasses on the island counter.

SHELBY

God, I hate camping! Thank heavens, that is Liam and Sam’s gig. I think I would curl up and die if I EVER had to go through that hell again!

ABBEY

Come on, you always say that, but it wasn’t that bad.

As Shelby contemplates Abbey’s statement, she pours the wine, and they each take a seat on a barstool.

SHELBY

We have been friends since we were each 10.

ABBEY

Best friends.

SHELBY

Best friends, since we met.

ABBEY

At camp.

SHELBY

And we became blood sisters…

ABBEY

At camp.

Shelby cocks her head, annoyed by the constant interruptions.

SHELBY

AND, we played spin the bottle and kissed our first boy.

ABBEY (sighs heavily)

At camp.

The best friend takes a sip of wine. She then twirls the glass, staring mesmerized by its dark contents.

ABBEY

Do you see a pattern here? It wasn’t all bad.

Shelby empties her glass, reaches for the bottle and pours cabernet nearly to the rim.

SHELBY (slow and deliberate)

I… am… a… jinx! Every summer was a debacle!

ABBEY

Not true.

SHELBY

No? What about the year I started my period? In the pool no less! I thought I would die… Oh, God, I feel the panic coming as we speak.

ABBEY

At least you weren’t Flabby Abbey.

SHELBY

No, I was Bloody Shelby! Bloody Mary had nothing on me!

ABBEY

Touche!

They clink glasses, and drink.

ABBEY

Ok, ok then. YOU didn’t get shot by an arrow.

Shelby is in mid-sip. She chokes and wine spills from her nostrils. Several seconds pass before she can speak.

SHELBY

No, I shot the arrow.

ABBEY

Oh, yeah, (shrugs) at least it was a clean shot.

SHELBY

Lucky for you, they were practice shafts and not true arrowheads. Admit it, I’m a jinx, and have been since I was six.

She immediately holds up her hand to silence any rebuttal from Abbey.

SHELBY

And don’t even get me started on that!

INT. FOYER – NIGHT

The front door OPENS, Shelby’s fiancé Liam (28) enters. He is tall and lean, dressed in dusty jeans and flannel, his lion’s mane contained beneath a ball cap. He carries in a bag of Chinese food a bottle of wine. A burst of LAUGHTER explodes from the kitchen, he shakes his head chuckling, kicking off his boots.

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

From the foyer, they hear the front door OPEN and CLOSE.

Liam strides into the kitchen and Shelby catches her breath. After five years together, he still makes her swoon. He would never grace the cover of GQ but Liam is the epitome of masculinity created from working construction, hair and skin kissed by the sun.

LIAM

Hey babe, Abbey, welcome home; it sounds like you two are up to no good.

Liam comes behind Shelby, nuzzling her neck, his arms come around her placing his offering on the counter.

Shelby offers Abbey an imperceptible shake of her head, while nonchalantly raising her index finger to her lips before reaching up to caress Liam’s stubbly cheek.

LIAM

I know you ladies just flew in, so I come bearing food and drink.

Abbey observes the lovers, not envious, but happy for her best friend, then empties her glass and sighs.

ABBEY

Enough already! Shel, where can I get one of those?

SHELBY (blushing)

Ask my man here, his best friend Sam, has recently become available.

Abbey openly scoffs.

ABBEY

That oaf? No thank you, I’d rather break down and get a dog.

LIAM

Same difference.

He refills their glasses with the remaining wine.

LIAM

Speaking of Sam though, Shel, I’ve got great news. Sam’s father took a spill at work and his mother needs him to come home to help out for a week or two.

SHELBY

That’s great news? That’s horrible! Is his dad ok?

LIAM

No, I mean yes. His dad will be fine.

Shelby raises her glass.

SHELBY

A toast then, that is great news.

ABBEY

Salud!

LIAM

Yes, that is great news but not my news. We have planned everything out for this year’s camping trip and now he can’t make it.

SHELBY

Damn, that sucks. Who are you going to take with you? Can Charlie or Jim from your crew get time off?

Abbey’s eyes dart back and forth between the two, sips her wine, then extracts a lumpia roll from the greasy bag.

LIAM

No, that was not exactly what I had in mind. You know, I’ve been going off for the last five years we’ve been together, leaving you home.

SHELBY

Hon, you know I don’t mind. Abbey and I always manage to find some kind of mischief to occupy us.

Liam sits in the barstool next to Shelby. He takes her free hand, while she sips her wine from the other.

ABBEY

Ruh Roh, Raggy, I think Freddy’s about to explain his plan.

Abbey holds her glass to her lips without drinking, anxiously anticipating the next exchange.

LIAM

My good news, Shel, is I’m going to take you with me this year. You’re going to love it!

The color drains from Shelby’s face, her glass SHATTERS on the floor. Liam lunges forward to catch her before she lands amongst the shards at his feet.

INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Shelby lies on the couch and GROANS. She reaches for the cold compress across her forehead.

Abbey, in a nearby chair, peeks over the top of her book.

ABBEY (ghoulishly)

SHE’S ALIVE!

From the couch, Shelby opens and closes her mouth, trying to create some moisture so she can speak.

SHELBY

Where’s Liam?

ABBEY

In the shower. He hasn’t left your side, but I finally convinced him when you woke up the last thing you’d want is his sweaty body over top of you.

Shelby raises an eyebrow.

ABBEY

Ok, well maybe not, but I guarantee you he won’t be long.

SHELBY

What happened?

Her friend closes the book and moves to the edge of the seat.

ABBEY

In a nutshell? Your man announced that he was taking you camping and you… Well, you didn’t curl up and die, but you did pass out at his feet.

Shelby sits upright trying to breathe, grabbing at her chest.

SHELBY

No, no, no, I can’t. It’s not possible. You have to help me, I can’t go camping with him!

ABBEY

Oh, honey, it is, I can’t, and I don’t think you have a choice.

Shelby WINCES and falls back on the couch throwing the blanket over her head.

SHELBY

NOOOOOO!

INT. PLANE GALLEY – DAY

Shelby steps out of the lavatory and in another step is shoulder to shoulder with Abbey in the galley. Her hair is disheveled, uniform wrinkled, and make-up smudged.

ABBEY

Girl, what is up with you? You really look like shit.

SHELBY

Thanks so much for your support. You know darn well what’s wrong with me. You should be helping me, not criticizing me.

ABBEY

Fine, give me a minute.

Abbey opens a closet door and pulls out some hair accessories, pulling Shelby further into the tiny space. She sweeps the hair back, pinning it out of Shelby’s face, then snatches a Kleenex holding it under Shelby’s nose.

ABBEY

Here, lick.

Shelby sticks out her tongue so that Abbey can moisten the tissue, then works to clean up the dark smudges under Shelby’s eyes.

A well-manicured male hand touches Shelby’s arm and she nearly erupts from her own skin. Spinning, both women are staring at the First Officer, KEVIN O’REILLY, a well groomed, attractive thirty year old, who is overly confident in his looks and status.

KEVIN

Is everything aok, ladies?

He smiles as if he is in an Orbitz commercial, Shelby looks at her watch, then looks away, he’s late. She is unaffected by what he thinks is charisma.

ABBEY

Yes sir, everything is absolutely aok.

KEVIN

And you Shelby? You don’t look yourself. (back peddling) I mean you are beautiful as ever, but just, you know, not yourself.

Both women roll their eyes, exasperated by his ongoing interference.

SHELBY

I’m fine sir.

He touches her again, his hand lingers, rubbing tendrils between his fingers.

KEVIN

Good, that makes me feel much better. Would you be a doll, and bring me a coffee? When you get a chance, of course.

SHELBY

Of course, as soon as I get a chance.

The peacock nods, hesitant to remove his hand, while Shelby strains to keep from slapping it away. He finally retreats to the cockpit.

Shelby opens and closes galley doors, shuffling items in each until she finds a barf bag. Cramming herself into the corner she discreetly relieves her stomach.

ABBEY

Shel, this is out of control, the worst I have ever seen you; and yet, it doesn’t stop Prince Charming from making advances.

SHELBY

Him? Seriously, he doesn’t hold a candle to what I have at home.

GATE AGENT (OS)

Ahem, hello?

The women turn suddenly aware of the time and their whereabouts.

The GATE AGENT is a petit woman, neatly dressed in her pressed uniform and colorful neckerchief. She straightens her glasses before impatiently extending a packet to the flight attendants.

GATE AGENT

Here is your paperwork and your numbers. We have (she looks at her watch) one minute to close the door for an on time departure. Are you ready?

Like a cat, Shelby, prepares to pounce but Abbey grabs her shirt tail to hold her back.

ABBEY

Absolutely, let’s get that door closed and out of your hair…

She turns back to Shelby mouthing the word “bitch”! Abbey closes the main cabin door, as Shelby snatches the microphone of the PA system. She smoothes her hair and uniform, clearing her throat.

SHELBY

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, we’d like to welcome you to your nonstop flight 666, bound straight to Hell…

Abbey spins, eyes like saucers, she snatches the microphone from her best friend and shoves her into the galley.

ABBEY

Surprise! That’s our early April Fools. We welcome you today to our non-stop flight to sunny Orlando FL where sometimes it may feel hot as Hell, but we have Mickey Mouse! So, please get buckled up, sit back, relax, and we will be taxiing shortly.

Abbey throws the mic at Shelby, wincing as it hits her collarbone. Abbey storms down the aisle checking seatbelts and slamming overhead bins.

Shelby

Errr! God, Abbey, I’m sorry.

INT. LIAM’S PICKUP TRUCK – DAY

Shelby dials a number on her cell phone and listens, no answer. She disconnects, glances around the truck, and then dials the number again. This time she waits for the voice mail recording.

SHELBY

Abbey, if you’re there, please pick up. You can’t stay mad at me forever… can you?

She grabs at her chest, rubbing the left side.

SHELBY

I’m sorry, so very sorry? I never meant to piss you off, I swear! I don’t know what to do… please, Abbey? I can’t do this without you. What can I do?

There is a click on the other end.

ABBEY (VO)

You can start by saying that you’ll NEVER pull that shit again, and continue by telling me that you will actually try to have a good time.

Nearly in tears she kisses her phone.

SHELBY

Abs, I will never pull that shit again, I promise; and I’m going to try, for Liam’s sake but what happens when he sees the truth?

ABBEY (VO)

What truth? You mean all that nonsense about being a jinx. STOP!

SHELBY

You, of all people know the truth.

ABBEY (VO)

I know that you are always looking for bad things to happen and you are an expert at finding them. Follow Liam’s lead, he’s been doing this all his life. For once, let someone else take the helm.

Just as a calm settles in, Shelby sees Liam heading for the truck.

SHELBY

Oh, God, he’s coming. We’re really doing this! I can’t breathe.

ABBEY (VO)

You are going to be fine. Did you find the little bottle I left for you?

SHELBY

What bottle?

ABBEY (VO)

In your purse, I left you some Xanax. Start with half a pill and increase as needed.

SHELBY

I am not resorting to drugs. I never have and never will.

ABBEY (VO)

Then you better find something to resort to…

Liam opens the door and jumps in, looking like an excited kid.

LIAM

Ready?

Shelby, lowers the phone to her lap, feigning a smile and nods.

LIAM

I know you are having reservations, but I’m so happy that we are doing this together.

ABBEY (VO)

Shelby? Shel? Are you still there?

Shelby shakes her head, forgetting about Abbey and her phone.

SHELBY

Yeah, I’m here, we’re on our way.

The truck backs out of the driveway.

ABBEY

Shelby, take the drugs, don’t take the drugs, but whatever you do, this is obviously important to Liam, don’t ruin it for him.

EXT. CAMPSITE 2 – DAY

Placeholder: Liam is doing most of the work setting up the site, every time Shelby tries to help, something goes awry.

SHELBY

Wow, we are really out in the middle of nowhere.

LIAM

Isn’t it great?

She looks around at the tent and the woods surrounding them, she mutters more to herself than to Liam.

SHELBY

Not exactly the word I would use.

Shelby turns back to Liam, attempting to exude excitement.

SHELBY

You did a fine job setting up camp, sorry I wasn’t more help.

He takes her in his arms.

LIAM

Babe, I know this is all new for you but once you get the swing of things, I truly believe you will love these trips as much as I do; it might take another year or two or ten…

She chokes pulling away from Liam.

SHELBY

You’re so sweet, but I know this is your boys’ trip, bonding time and all for you and Sam. I wouldn’t dream of breaking that up.

LIAM

Stop being so magnanimous, you’re always worried about everyone else. I would rather share this experience with you than Sam any day.

Shelby’s shoulders slump and she hangs her head ashamed.

SHELBY

The last thing I am is magnanimous. If this (she raises her arms) makes you happy, than let’s do this, turn me into a camping geek.

He takes her face between his hands and kisses her mouth.

LIAM

This is why I love you!

SHELBY

I’m starving though and I have to pee, so point me toward the nearest restroom and then let’s get dinner. I didn’t see a restaurant nearby, will we have to drive too far?

LIAM

We won’t have to drive at all.

SHELBY

Oh, they have a camp diner here? I guess I missed it.

LIAM

No, no diner, just a short walk to the river.

She immediately pales.

SHELBY

We’re near a river? Is it supposed to rain? You know, if it rains, the river can flood, wash away the entire camp.

LIAM

Shel, we are fine. We’re going to the river to catch our dinner, and it’s not going to rain, the forecast is clear for the entire weekend. Are you all right?

She is not fine, Shelby feels like she is about to swoon.

SHELBY

Yes, silly, this sounds like we are in for so much fun. I better get to the restroom so we can wrestle up some dinner. Which way did you say was the little girl’s room?

He looks sheepishly in all directions before hesitantly proceeding.

LIAM

There’s one there (pointing at a tree), and there, and there…

SHELBY (Stammering)

There’s no… no… toilet?

Liam scrunches his face, shaking his head.

SHELBY

No shower either?

LIAM (Beaming now)

Yes, of course, just a short walk –

TOGETHER

… to the River.

Shelby fights the urge to crawl into the tent and bawl.

SHELBY

I really need to relieve myself. Do we have paper, or should I collect leaves on my way?

LIAM

I wouldn’t dream of depriving you of all your amenities.

He pulls a roll from a plastic tub and tosses it to her.

SHELBY

Just one of the many simple things I have taken for granted.

She turns to the woods and pauses trying to determine her path.

SHELBY

This may take a while, I’ve never been very good with a plethora of options.

LIAM

Try not to be too long, it’ll be getting dark soon and we still need to get to the river.

Shelby steps toward the woods, clutching the TP to her chest.

SHELBY

So many trees, so little time.

LIAM

Leaves of three let them be.

SHELBY (VO)

What’s that?

LIAM

Leaves of three let them be; that’s poison ivy, stay away from it!

SHELBY (VO)

So, we came out here to become one with nature, but keep your ass away from nature!

LIAM

Yeah, pretty much.

EXT. CAMPSITE 2 – NIGHT

Shelby and Liam sit bundled by the fire, drinking a beer.

SHELBY

Well, I have to hand it to you Mr. McPherson, you can cook the hell out of the catch of the day.

She raises her bottle to salute her fiancé. They drink together.

LIAM

And your preparation of the side dish was exemplary.

Again, they raise their bottles and drink.

SHELBY

I am after all a chip connoisseur and can appropriately pair any fried potato in a bag with the main entrée.

She looks at Liam, he smiles. They sit listening to the night sounds, toads, insects, rustling leaves and the crackle of the fire.

SHELBY

Thank you Liam, this has been a wonderful day. I can’t remember the last time I have felt this happy.

LIAM

Me too, I know it’s not your idea of a vacation, but I’m so glad you agreed to come.

Shelby sits up, ears perking.

SHELBY

Do you hear that?

LIAM

Hear what?

SHELBY

The trees are calling and I must go.

Shelby jumps to her feet. After kissing Liam, she grabs the toilet paper and flashlight.

SHELBY

If I’m not back in five minutes, send help.

She disappears into the woods, only a dancing beam for Liam to keep an eye on.

Liam sets to work organizing the site, packing odds and ends, while drinking the last of his beer. The peaceful night is shattered by Shelby’s horrific SCREAM. Liam takes off for the woods and nearly collides with Shelby, retreating from the opposite direction.

LIAM

What the hell? Are you ok? What happened?

SHELBY

A snake! I swear I saw a snake!

LIAM

Where?

Shelby flamboyantly uses her arms to reanimate the confrontation with the snake.

SHELBY

In the brush over there. I was walking out and he squiggled, ZIP, right across my path and into the brush.

LIAM

It didn’t bite you, did it?

SHELBY

No, but I dropped the flashlight and now it doesn’t work, and the paper is in the brush. What if the snake is still there? I can’t go get it.

Under the full moon, Liam can see the white roll in the brush.

LIAM

Stay here, I’ll get it.

Liam nears the brush cautiously, toeing the ground to scare off any critters that may be hiding in there, he slips landing next to the roll of paper. A hand connected to an arm, holding the rolled paper pops up from the brush.

LIAM

We have saved the paper!

He rolls over and jumps to his feet jogging out of the brush.

SHELBY

Are you ok? What happened?

LIAM

I’m fine, the leaves were wet and I slipped, it’s all good.

SHELBY

Babe, I’m so sorry.

LIAM

Hey, it’s fine, no harm done and we have paper to wipe another day.

SHELBY

My hero! Come here, you’re covered with leaves, at least let me knock them off.

Liam rotates as she swipes him clean. She reaches for one last cluster snagged in his collar. Shelby’s eyes grow wide.

SHELBY (Whispering)

Leaves of three let them be.

LIAM

What was that?

SHELBY

Nothing, I was just saying, all these leaves let me see.

Tucking her hand in her sleeve she knocks the poison ivy from his collar.

SHELBY

All done. Gosh, I’m tired, is it time for bed yet?

LIAM

I was thinking that very thing, let’s get you tucked in for the night.

SHELBY

After you.

Liam disappears into the tent while Shelby kicks the offensive leaves of three to the edge of the camp, then follows Liam inside.

INT. TENT – NIGHT

Shelby tosses and turns in her sleeping bag next to Liam, unable to find the slumber that overtook him as soon as he lay down. She finally relaxes, her eyes heavy.

Beside her, Liam’s breathing grows raspy, almost labored.

SHELBY

Liam?

No response. She reaches out to shake his shoulder.

SHELBY

Liam? Hey, wake up, are you alright?

With his breathing worsening, Shelby gets up and stumbles around to find the lantern. She turns up the propane glow and nearly drops the light. Liam’s neck is swollen and covered with red welts that seem to be creeping up to his jawline.

She falls to her knees, shaking Liam into consciousness, his eyes wide and straining to force air into his lungs. Shelby dives across her sleeping bag to retrieve her phone and immediately dials 911.

SHELBY

Hello? Hello, I need an ambulance right away! My fiancé can’t breathe, I believe he is having an allergic reaction. (Beat) Where am I? We’re camping in the woods. (Beat) What woods? Shit I don’t know. Liam what woods are we in?

Liam is struggling to speak.

LIAM

My b… bag… erm… kit…

SHELBY

Hold on ma’am, no I don’t know. I have to go, I need to help him.

Shelby rips through Liam’s bag and finds the small emergency kit.

SHELBY

Got it! What do you need?

Liam is lying on his back, unconscious, breaths barely audible.

SHELBY (Frantic)

NO, NO, NO! Dear God, please help me… LIAM!

INT. HOSPITAL ER – NIGHT

Shelby paces back and forth outside the small curtained cubicle with her phone to her ear.

ABBEY (VO)

Hello…

SHELBY

Abbey, its happened again.

ABBEY (VO)

Shelby? Do you realize what time it is? Are you guys alright?

SHELBY

It happened again, Liam almost died. I can’t get this monkey jinx off my back!

ABBEY (VO)

Shelby, what are you talking about? Where’s Liam?

SHELBY

We’re in the Emergency Room, he’s sleeping now, but I almost killed him. Leaves of three, Abs, leaves of three, we didn’t let them be.

ABBEY (VO)

What the hell are you talking about?

SHELBY

Poison Ivy! I had to pee, there’s a snake, the paper drops, Liam retrieves it, slips I guess in the poison ivy… because of me. I’m a murderer Abbey. God, I hate camping!

[Susan Rose]

Susan’s Turning Point 1

What I learned doing this assignment: I struggled to get through this assignment because I wasn’t sure if this was enough of an inciting incident for the Turning Point 1. When I finally convinced myself that I just had to write (my first draft), I was able to keep moving forward.

INT. LIAM’S PICKUP TRUCK – DAY

Shelby dials a number on her cell phone and listens, no answer. She disconnects, glances around the truck, and then dials the number again. This time she waits for the voice mail recording.

SHELBY

Abbey, if you’re there, please pick up. You can’t stay mad at me forever… can you?

She grabs at her chest, rubbing the left side.

SHELBY

I’m sorry, so very sorry? I never meant to piss you off, I swear! I don’t know what to do… please, Abbey? I can’t do this without you. What can I do?

There is a click on the other end.

ABBEY (VO)

You can start by saying that you’ll NEVER pull that shit again, and continue by telling me that you will actually try to have a good time.

Nearly in tears she kisses her phone.

SHELBY

Abs, I will never pull that shit again, I promise; and I’m going to try, for Liam’s sake but what happens when he sees the truth?

ABBEY (VO)

What truth? You mean all that nonsense about being a jinx. STOP!

SHELBY

You, of all people know the truth.

ABBEY (VO)

I know that you are always looking for bad things to happen and you are an expert at finding them. Follow Liam’s lead, he’s been doing this all his life. For once, let someone else take the helm.

Just as a calm settles in, Shelby sees Liam heading for the truck.

SHELBY

Oh, God, he’s coming. We’re really doing this! I can’t breathe.

ABBEY (VO)

You are going to be fine. Did you find the little bottle I left for you?

SHELBY

What bottle?

ABBEY (VO)

In your purse, I left you some Xanax. Start with half a pill and increase as needed.

SHELBY

I am not resorting to drugs. I never have and never will.

ABBEY (VO)

Then you better find something to resort to…

Liam opens the door and jumps in, looking like an excited kid.

LIAM

Ready?

Shelby, lowers the phone to her lap, feigning a smile and nods.

LIAM

I know you are having reservations, but I’m so happy that we are doing this together.

ABBEY (VO)

Shelby? Shel? Are you still there?

Shelby shakes her head, forgetting about Abbey and her phone.

SHELBY

Yeah, I’m here, we’re on our way.

The truck backs out of the driveway.

ABBEY

Shelby, take the drugs, don’t take the drugs, but whatever you do, this is obviously important to Liam, don’t ruin it for him.

EXT. CAMPSITE 2 – DAY

Placeholder: Liam is doing most of the work setting up the site, every time Shelby tries to help, something goes awry.

SHELBY

Wow, we are really out in the middle of nowhere.

LIAM

Isn’t it great?

She looks around at the tent and the woods surrounding them, she mutters more to herself than to Liam.

SHELBY

Not exactly the word I would use.

Shelby turns back to Liam, attempting to exude excitement.

SHELBY

You did a fine job setting up camp, sorry I wasn’t more help.

He takes her in his arms.

LIAM

Babe, I know this is all new for you but once you get the swing of things, I truly believe you will love these trips as much as I do; it might take another year or two or ten…

She chokes pulling away from Liam.

SHELBY

You’re so sweet, but I know this is your boys’ trip, bonding time and all for you and Sam. I wouldn’t dream of breaking that up.

LIAM

Stop being so magnanimous, you’re always worried about everyone else. I would rather share this experience with you than Sam any day.

Shelby’s shoulders slump and she hangs her head ashamed.

SHELBY

The last thing I am is magnanimous. If this (she raises her arms) makes you happy, than let’s do this, turn me into a camping geek.

He takes her face between his hands and kisses her mouth.

LIAM

This is why I love you!

SHELBY

I’m starving though and I have to pee, so point me toward the nearest restroom and then let’s get dinner. I didn’t see a restaurant nearby, will we have to drive too far?

LIAM

We won’t have to drive at all.

SHELBY

Oh, they have a camp diner, I guess I missed it.

LIAM

No, no diner, just a short walk to the river.

She immediately pales.

SHELBY

We’re near a river? Is it supposed to rain? You know, if it rains, the river can flood, wash away the entire camp.

LIAM

Shel, we are fine. We’re going to the river to catch our dinner, and it’s not going to rain, the forecast is clear for the entire weekend. Are you all right?

She is not fine, Shelby feels like she is about to swoon.

SHELBY

Yes, silly, this sounds like we are in for so much fun. I better get to the restroom so we can wrestle up some dinner. Which way did you say was the little girls room?

He looks sheepishly in all directions before hesitantly proceeding.

LIAM

There’s one there (pointing at a tree), and there, and there…

SHELBY (Stammering)

There’s no… no… toilet?

Liam scrunches his face, shaking his head.

SHELBY

No shower either?

LIAM (Beaming now)

Yes, of course, just a short walk –

TOGETHER

… to the River.

Shelby fights the urge to crawl into the tent and bawl.

SHELBY

I really need to relieve myself. Do we have paper, or should I collect leaves on my way?

LIAM

I wouldn’t dream of depriving you of all your amenities.

He pulls a roll from a plastic tub and tosses it to her.

SHELBY

Just one of the simple things I have taken for granted.

She turns to the woods and pauses trying to determine her path.

SHELBY

This may take a while, I’ve never been very good with a plethora of options.

LIAM

Try not to be too long, it’ll be getting dark soon and we still need to get to the river.

Shelby steps toward the woods, clutching the TP to her chest.

SHELBY

So many trees, so little time.

LIAM

Leaves of three let them be.

SHELBY (VO)

What’s that?

LIAM

Leaves of three let them be; that’s poison ivy, stay away from it!

SHELBY (VO)

So, we came out here to become one with nature, but keep your ass away from nature!

LIAM

Yeah, pretty much.

EXT. CAMPSITE 2 – NIGHT

Shelby and Liam sit bundled by the fire, drinking a beer.

SHELBY

Well, I have to hand it to you Mr. McPherson, you can cook the hell out of the catch of the day.

She raises her bottle to salute her fiancé. They drink together.

LIAM

And your preparation of the side dish was exemplary.

Again, they raise their bottles and drink.

SHELBY

I am after all a chip connoisseur and can appropriately pair any fried potato in a bag with the main entrée.

She looks at Liam, he smiles. They sit listening to the night sounds, toads, insects, rustling leaves and the crackle of the fire.

SHELBY

Thank you Liam, this has been a wonderful day. I can’t remember the last time I have felt this happy.

LIAM

Me too, I know it’s not your idea of vacation, but I’m so glad you agreed to come.

Shelby sits up, ears perking.

SHELBY

Do you hear that?

LIAM

Hear what?

SHELBY

The trees are calling and I must go.

Shelby jumps to her feet. After kissing Liam, she grabs the toilet paper and flashlight.

SHELBY

If I’m not back in five minutes, send help.

She disappears into the woods, only a dancing beam for Liam to keep an eye on.

Liam sets to work organizing the site, packing odds and ends, while drinking the last of his beer. The peaceful nights is shattered by Shelby’s horrific SCREAM. Liam takes off for the woods and nearly collides with Shelby, retreating from the opposite direction.

LIAM

What the hell? Are you ok? What happened?

SHELBY

A snake! I swear I saw a snake!

LIAM

Where?

SHELBY

In the brush over there. I was walking out and he squiggled, ZIP, right across my path and into the brush.

LIAM

It didn’t bite you, did it?

SHELBY

No, but I dropped the light and it isn’t working, and the paper is in the brush now. I can’t go get it.

Under the full moon, Liam can see the white roll in the brush.

LIAM

Stay here, I’ll get it.

Liam nears the brush cautiously, toeing the ground to scare off any critters that may be hiding in there, he slips landing next to the roll of paper, snatches it up and returns to Shelby.

SHELBY

Are you ok? What happened?

LIAM

I’m fine, the leaves were wet and I slipped, it’s all good.

SHELBY

Babe, I’m so sorry.

LIAM

Hey, it’s fine, and the paper was saved.

SHELBY

My hero! Come here, you’re covered with leaves, at least let me knock them off.

Liam rotates as she swipes him clean. She reaches for one last cluster snagged in his collar. Shelby’s eyes grow wide.

SHELBY (Whispering)

Leaves of three let them be.

LIAM

What was that?

SHELBY

Nothing, I was just saying, all these leaves let me see.

Tucking her hand in her sleeve she knocks the poison ivy from his collar.

SHELBY

All done. Gosh, I’m tired, is it time for bed yet?

LIAM

I was thinking that very thing, let’s get you tucked in for the night.

SHELBY

After you.

Liam disappears into the tent while Shelby kicks the offensive leaves of three to the edge of the camp, then follows Liam inside.

INT. TENT – NIGHT

Placeholder: Shelby is barely asleep when she hears Liam’s raspy breathing. She turns up the lantern to see his neck, ears, and face red from a rash and slightly swollen. He is having a reaction to the poison ivy. They rush to the ER where he is treated for the anaphylactic reaction.

SHELBY

I hate camping!

[Susan Rose]

Susan’s Inciting Incident

What I learned doing this assignment: I find that every day it is easier to follow Hal’s advice to just write and have fun. Whenever I feel stumped, I can tell myself to keep moving because this is just the first draft, not even close to the final; works for me!

INT. FOYER – NIGHT

The front door OPENS, Shelby’s fiancé Liam (28) enters. He is tall and lean, dressed in dusty jeans and flannel, his lion’s mane contained beneath a ball cap. He carries a bag of Chinese food and a bottle of wine. A burst of LAUGHTER explodes from the kitchen, he shakes his head chuckling, kicking off his boots.

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

Liam strides into the kitchen and Shelby catches her breath. After five years together, he still makes her swoon. He is would never grace the cover of GQ but Liam is the epitome of masculinity created from working construction, hair and skin kissed by the sun.

LIAM

Hey babe, Abbey, welcome home; it sounds like you two are up to no good.

Liam comes behind Shelby, nuzzling her neck, his arms come around her placing his offering on the counter.

Shelby extends Abbey an imperceptible shake of her head, while nonchalantly raising her index finger to her lips before reaching up to caress Liam’s stubbly cheek.

LIAM

I know you ladies just flew in, so I come bearing food and drink.

Abbey observes the lovers, not envious, but happy for her best friend, then empties her glass and sighs.

ABBEY

Enough already! Shel, where can I get one of those.

SHELBY (blushing)

Ask my man here, his best friend Sam, has recently become available.

Abbey openly scoffs.

ABBEY

That oaf? No thank you, I’d rather break down and get a dog.

LIAM

Same difference.

He refills their glasses with the remaining wine.

LIAM

Speaking of Sam though, Shel, I’ve got great news. Sam’s father took a spill at work and his mother needs him to come home to help out for a week or two.

SHELBY

That’s great news? That’s horrible! Is his dad ok?

LIAM

No, I mean yes. His dad will be fine.

Shelby raises her glass.

SHELBY

A toast then, that is great news.

ABBEY

Salud!

LIAM

Yes, that is but not my news. We have planned everything out for this year’s camping trip and now he can’t make it.

SHELBY

Damn, that sucks. Who are you going to take with you? Can Charlie or Jim from your crew get time off?

Abbey’s eyes dart back and forth between the two, sips her wine, then extracts a lumpia roll from the greasy bag.

LIAM

No, that was not exactly what I had in mind. You know, I’ve been going off for the last five years we’ve been together, leaving you home.

SHELBY

Hon, you know I don’t mind. Abbey and I always manage to find some kind of mischief to occupy us.

Liam sits in the barstool next to Shelby. He takes her free hand, while she sips her wine from the other.

ABBEY

Ruh Roh, Shaggy, I think Freddy’s about to explain his plan.

Abbey holds her glass to her lips without drinking, anxiously anticipating the next exchange.

LIAM

My good news, Shel, is I’m going to take you with me this year. You’re going to love it!

The color drains from Shelby’s face, her glass SHATTERS on the floor. Liam lunges forward to catch her before she lands amongst the shards at his feet.

INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Shelby lies on the couch and GROANS. She reaches for the cold compress across her forehead.

Abbey, in a nearby chair, peeks over the top of her book.

ABBEY (ghoulishly)

SHE’S ALIVE!

From the couch, Shelby opens and closes her mouth, trying to create some moisture so she can speak.

SHELBY

Where’s Liam?

ABBEY

In the shower. He hasn’t left your side, but I finally convinced him when you woke up the last thing you’d want is his sweaty body over top of you.

Shelby raises an eyebrow.

ABBEY

Ok, well maybe not, but I guarantee you he won’t be long.

SHELBY

What happened?

Her friend closes the book and moves to the edge of the seat.

ABBEY

In a nutshell? Your man announced that he was taking you camping and you… Well, you didn’t curl up and die, but you did pass out at his feet.

Shelby sits upright trying to breathe, grabbing at her chest.

SHELBY

No, no, no, I can’t. It’s not possible. You have to help me, I can’t go camping with him!

ABBEY

Oh, honey, it is, I can’t, and I don’t think you have a choice.

Shelby WINCES and falls back on the couch throwing the blanket over her head.

SHELBY

NOOOOOO!

INT. PLANE GALLEY – DAY

Shelby steps out of the lavatory and in another step is shoulder to shoulder with Abbey in the galley. Her hair is disheveled, uniform wrinkled, and make up smudged.

ABBEY

Girl, what is up with you? You really look like shit.

SHELBY

Thanks so much for your support. You know darn well what’s wrong with me. You should be helping me, not criticizing me. I CAN’T go on this trip!

ABBEY

Fine, give me a minute.

Abbey opens a closet door and pulls out some hair accessories, pulling Shelby further into the tiny space. She sweeps the hair back, pinning it out of Shelby’s face, then snatches a Kleenex, moistening it with her tongue she works to clean up the dark smudges under Shelby’s eyes.

A well-manicured male hand touches Shelby’s arm and she nearly erupts from her skin. Spinning, both women are staring at the First Officer, KEVIN O’REILLY, a well groomed, attractive, thirty-year-old, overly confident in his looks and status.

KEVIN

Is everything aok, ladies?

He smiles as if he is in an Orbitz commercial, Shelby looks at her watch, he’s late, then looks away, unaffected by what he thinks is charisma.

ABBEY

Yes sir, everything is absolutely aok.

KEVIN

And you Shelby? You don’t look yourself. (Back peddling) I mean you’re beautiful as ever, but just, you know, not yourself.

Both women roll their eyes, exasperated by his ongoing interference.

SHELBY

I’m fine sir.

He touches her again, his hand lingers, rubbing tendrils between his fingers.

KEVIN

Good, that makes me feel much better. Would you be a doll, and bring me a coffee? When you get a chance, of course.

SHELBY

Of course, as soon as I get a chance.

The peacock nods, hesitant to remove his hand, while Shelby strains to keep from slapping it away. He finally retreats to the cockpit.

Shelby opens and closes galley doors, shuffling items in each until she finds a barf bag. Cramming herself into the corner she discreetly relieves her stomach.

ABBEY

Shel, this is out of control, the worst I have ever seen you. Yet, it doesn’t stop Prince Charming from making advances.

SHELBY

Him? Seriously, he doesn’t hold a candle to what I have at home.

GATE AGENT (OS)

Ahem, hello?

The women turn suddenly aware of the time and their whereabouts.

The GATE AGENT is a petit woman, neatly dressed in her pressed uniform and colorful neckerchief. She straightens her glasses before extending a packet to the flight attendants.

GATE AGENT

Here is your paperwork and your numbers. We have (she looks at her watch) one minute to close the door for an on-time departure. Are you ready?

Like a cat, Shelby, prepares to pounce but Abbey grabs her shirt tail to hold her back.

ABBEY

Absolutely, let’s get that door closed and out of your hair…

She turns back to Shelby mouthing the word “bitch”! Abbey takes the paperwork and closes the main cabin door, as Shelby snatches the speaker from the wall. She smoothes her hair and uniform, clearing her throat.

SHELBY

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, we’d like to welcome you to your nonstop flight 666, bound straight to Hell…

[Susan Rose]

Susan’s Act 1: Opening Scenes

What I learned doing this assignment: Sticking to the speedwriting formula is liberating! I just have to write whatever presents itself to me and not worry about the little details that inevitably bog you down.

ACT 1

INT. TENT – NIGHT

Six-year-old, SHELBY, snuggles with her ragdoll, Pink Baby, in her sleeping bag beside her older brother KYLE (age 9). She reaches out of the bag with a twig and runs it through Kyle’s hair. He jumps startled, swatting at the object. Shelby GIGGLES.

KYLE

Cut it out, Shelby, and go to sleep!

SHELBY

I’m not tired.

KYLE

Of course, you’re not tired, you don’t ever have to do anything.

SHELBY

What am I supposed to do?

KYLE

Nothing, you’re too small.

Kyle rolls over in his bag, presenting his back to his sister.

SHELBY

Am not!

She attacks him again with twig. He sits up.

KYLE

I mean it Shelby, knock it off before you get us in trouble!

SHELBY

Don’t be mad, Ky, I can’t sleep.

Outside the tent, THUNDER claps and heavy rain drops SPLAT against the canvas. From across the tent, DAD SNORTS in response to the incoming storm, the siblings GIGGLE.

KYLE

Well, Dad’s having no problem sleeping.

The rain falls now in earnest, beating against the tent.

SHELBY

Ky, why don’t you like camping? I love it!

KYLE

I don’t hate it, it’s just a lot of work. I’d rather go to a game or just go fishing.

Water drips through the canvas on top of Shelby’s head. Kyle tries to hold back his laughter, GIGGLING at her shocked face.

SHELBY

Hey, that’s not funny!

KYLE

Yeah it is. Come here, you can sleep with me.

Shelby no sooner settles in with Kyle and Pink Baby when the heavy rains begin flooding the tent. The sleeping bags are quickly drenched.

KYLE & SHELBY (in unison)

MOM! DAD!

Their father, BOB, and mother, TERRY, pop up on the air mattress. Bob turns up the lantern readily surveying the interior.

BOB

Shit!

TERRY

Bob, language.

BOB

Terry, get the kids to the truck… NOW!

Terry rolls from the mattress stepping into ankle high water.

TERRY

Oh Shit! Kids come on!

Terry grabs her children’s hands leading them from the tent.

EXT. CAMPSITE – NIGHT

The rain is cold and unrelenting. Bob is frantically throwing gear into storage bins as he eyes the water rushing down the mountainside, overflowing the narrow river along their site. Terry takes the kids hands and links them together.

TERRY

Kyle, take your sister and get to the truck!

Kyle helps Shelby into the back seat, her teeth chattering.

KYLE

Do you still LOVE camping?

SHELBY

Ye… ye… yes, this is awe… some!

KYLE

Stay here, I’ll be right back.

He closes the door running back to the tent shielding his eyes from the pelting rain. He nearly collides with his parents as they carry bins to the SUV.

BOB

Kyle, get in the goddamn truck!

KYLE

I have to get something.

Ignoring, his father’s angry scowl, Kyle scurries into the tent.

Shelby face is pressed against the window to get a glimpse of the activity outside. Her curiosity turns suddenly to panic as she sees Pink Baby floating toward the racing river. She BANGS the glass.

SHELBY (from inside the truck)

Daddy! Pink Baby!

They are too distracted to see or hear Shelby. She opens the door and jumps out, slogging through the mud to save Pink Baby.

Kyle exits the tent with a blanket from his parents bedding. He races to the empty truck finding the door open.

KYLE

Here, this should keep you warm…

He spins frantically around searching for his missing sister. Bob and Terry cram more equipment into the SUV.

KYLE

Shelby! Dad, Shelby’s gone, she was just here!

All at once the family sees Shelby reaching into the water for her rag doll before the heavy stream carries it away. She slips in the mud, sliding to the river’s edge, the current snatching the child into the rushing waters. Shelby SCREAMS.

SHELBY

Mommy! Daddy!

TERRY

SHELBY!

Without a word, Bob throws the keys to Terry and takes off.

Shelby clings to Pink Baby and a fallen branch holding fast against the hungry current. Her hands slip on the moss coating the branch. Just as her strength fails her, she is yanked from the chilly waters. Clutching the fragile child in his arms, Bob takes off.

As he nears the SUV, the passenger door is thrown open. Bob practically vaults into the front seat, hand SLAMMING the dash.

BOB (yelling)

Go! Go! Go!

Terry guns it. All four wheels spin for a second before gaining traction and taking off. The parents watch in the mirrors as a landslide races down the mountain and consumes the remains of their campsite. Kyle gingerly passes the blanket to the front seat.

SHELBY (sniffling)

Daddy, me and Pink Baby don’t ever want to go camping again!

BOB

No, baby, if you don’t want to, you’ll never have to go camping.

Shelby pulls the blanket tightly around herself and Pink Baby.

SHELBY (mumbling)

I hate camping.

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT, 20 YEARS LATER

The open kitchen rings with feminine LAUGHTER. Shelby, now 26, tall and lithe with flowing dark hair, uncorks a wine bottle. Her best friend, ABBEY, is smaller in stature, with lighter golden features, places the glasses on the island counter. They are both still wearing their flight attendants’ uniforms.

SHELBY

God, I hate camping! Thank heavens, that is Liam and Sam’s gig. I think I would curl up and die if I EVER had to go through that hell again!

ABBEY

Come on, you always say that, but it wasn’t that bad.

As Shelby contemplates Abbey’s statement, she pours the wine, and they each take a seat on a barstool.

SHELBY

We have been friends since we were each 10.

ABBEY

Best friends.

SHELBY

Best friends, since we met.

ABBEY

At camp.

SHELBY

And we became blood sisters…

ABBEY

At camp.

Shelby cocks her head, annoyed by the constant interruptions.

SHELBY

AND, we played spin the bottle and kissed our first boy.

ABBEY (sighs heavily)

At camp.

The best friend takes a sip of wine. She then twirls the glass, staring mesmerized by its dark contents.

ABBEY

Do you see a pattern here? It wasn’t all bad.

Shelby empties her glass, reaches for the bottle and pours cabernet nearly to the rim.

SHELBY (slow and deliberate)

I… am… a… jinx! Every summer was a debacle!

ABBEY

Not true.

SHELBY

No? What about the year I started my period? In the pool no less! I thought I would die… Oh, God, I feel the panic coming on as we speak.

ABBEY

At least you weren’t Flabby Abbey.

SHELBY

No, I was Bloody Shelby! Mary had nothing on me!

ABBEY

Touche!

They clink glasses, and drink.

ABBEY

Ok, ok then. YOU didn’t get shot by an arrow.

Shelby is in mid-sip. She chokes and wine spills from her nostrils. Several seconds pass before she can speak.

SHELBY

No, I shot the arrow.

ABBEY

Oh, yeah, (shrugs) at least it was a clean shot.

SHELBY

Lucky for you, they were practice shafts and not true arrowheads. Admit it, I’m a jinx, and have been since I was six.

She immediately holds up her hand to silence any rebuttal from Abbey.

SHELBY

And don’t even get me started on that!

From the foyer, they hear the front door OPEN and CLOSE. Shelby raises her index finger to her lips, halting their conversation.

Shelby’s finance, LIAM (28), strides into the kitchen carrying a bag of Chinese food and a bottle of wine, she catches her breath. After five years together, she still admires this epitome of masculinity created from working construction, hair and skin kissed by the sun.

LIAM

Hey babe, Abbey, welcome home.

Liam comes behind Shelby, nuzzling her neck, his arms come around her, placing his offering on the counter.

LIAM

I know you ladies just flew in, so I come bearing food and drink.

Abbey observes the lovers, not envious, but happy for her best friend, then empties her glass and sighs.

ABBEY

Enough already. Shel, where can I get one of those.

SHELBY (blushing)

Ask my man here, his best friend Sam, has recently become available.

Abbey openly scoffs.

ABBEY

That oaf? No thank you, I’d rather break down and get a dog.

LIAM

Same difference.

He refills their glasses with the remaining wine.

LIAM

Speaking of Sam though, Shel, I’ve got great news. Sam’s father took a spill at work and his mother needs him to come home to help out for a week or two.

SHELBY

That’s great news? That’s horrible! Is his dad ok?

LIAM

No, no, I mean yes. His dad will be fine. The great news is I want you to join me on my annual camping trip.

The color drains from Shelby’s face, her glass shattering on the floor. Liam lunges forward to catch her before she lands amongst the shards at his feet.

INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Shelby lies on the couch and GROANS. She reaches for the cold compress across her forehead.

Abbey, in a nearby chair, peeks over the top of her book.

ABBEY (ghoulishly)

SHE’S ALIVE!

From the couch, Shelby opens and closes her mouth, trying to create some moisture so she can speak.

SHELBY

Where’s Liam?

ABBEY

In the shower. He hasn’t left your side, but I finally convinced him when you woke up the last thing you’d want is his sweaty body over top of you.

Shelby raises an eyebrow.

ABBEY

Ok, well maybe not, but I guarantee you he won’t be long.

SHELBY

What happened?

Her friend closes the book and moves to the edge of the seat.

ABBEY

In a nutshell? Your man announced that he was taking you camping and you… Well, you didn’t curl up and die, but you did pass out at his feet.

Shelby sits upright trying to breathe, grabbing at her chest.

SHELBY

No, no, no, I can’t. It’s not possible. You have to help me, I can’t go camping with him!

ABBEY

Oh, honey, it is, I can’t, and I don’t think you have a choice.

Shelby WINCES and falls back on the couch throwing the blanket over her head.

[Susan Rose]

Susan’s Beat Sheet #2

What I learned doing this assignment: I realized that because I am writing a Rom-Com, I have playing both sides of my lead(s), so I was already in a good position when I started this assignment. I only had to add one scene to this brief beat sheet and tweak two others.

Build the Antagonist into Beat Sheet:

If you haven’t already decided upon your theme, how do you create it? Ask yourself questions like:

• What is this story really about? Overcoming your fears

• What is the real issue I want to explore? Not only overcoming your fears but learning to open yourself to and consider others through adversity and the help/love of family and friends

• What is the meaning of all this? There is more to learn and be considered outside your own little world

ANTAGONIST’S (Liam) Beat Sheet:

1. Unaware of Shelby’s traumatic past with camping, Liam announces that he will wants her to join him this year on his annual trip.

2. He patiently tries to teach Shelby the process of setting up a site and camping “protocols”, with all his experience, he ends up in the hospital with a severe allergic reaction to poison ivy

3. The following year, Liam is determined to alleviate Shelby of her camping curse. Acting as her strongest advocate, they plan a second trip, which against his efforts becomes a frozen debacle

4. Leary to put Shelby through another debacle, he agrees to try again when she asks to accompany him on his next annual trip. He feels the failure, when the adventure ends in a blazing storm

5. Liam makes the decision to put away his childhood adventures. While at dinner with friends he finally asks Shelby to set a date for their wedding. He is convinced by Shelby and friends to have one last camping hurrah!

6. Liam watches Shelby from the shadows earnestly learning to hone her camping skills and at some point steps from the shadows to aid in her progress.

7. On their final camping trip with friends, Liam sits back and lets Shelby do her thing, impressed with her newfound abilities, content in the joy she displays in her accomplishments.

8. Liam ignores Shelby’s warnings to stay out of the food locker and becomes comatose ingesting the drug laced food left there in case the bears invaded their camp. Shelby and Abbey are left to defend their site with the two brawny men passed out cold.

9. After breaking the curse and killing the jinx stigma, Liam buys Shelby a well-deserved motor coach to enjoy their future camping adventures

[Susan Rose]

Susan’s 4 Act Transformational Structure

1. Give us the following:

Concept: After a near
death experience as a child, the one thing feisty young Shelby despises is
camping, and it is the one passion of her longtime fiancée, Liam; yet
camping to her is always a series of pack, disaster, defeat, repeat. <div>

Main
Conflict: Embrace the camping experience while
expunging her “curse” or risk losing Liam

Old
Ways: Stubborn in her insecurities, thinks she
is a camping jinx, determined to not even attempt to enjoy the camping
experience, thinks her fiancée should give up his lifelong passion for her

New
Ways: Self-confidence found in overcoming her
fears, letting go and allowing herself to truly share the experience that
brings great joy to her fiancée, freedom from feeling like the outsider
and campsite jinx, transitioning into a camping warrior

2. Fill in each of these with the answers you have right now.

Act 1:

Opening: As a six-year-old child, Shelby experiences her first camping debacle, nearly losing her
life and the lives of her family in a natural disaster, setting into
motion the “camping curse” </div><div>

Inciting
Incident: While drinking wine with best friend
Abbey, discussing Liam’s upcoming annual “boys” camping trip, and
reminiscing on past (now laughable) adventures, Liam enters and announces
a first; this year he will be taking Shelby on his annual outing.

Turning
Point: After squelching her panic, Shelby
acquiesces, only to have the trip terminated at the ER after Liam suffers
from a severe allergic reaction to poison ivy. Much to Shelby’s dismay,
the curse “IS ALIVE”.

Act 2:

New
plan: Shelby decides it is all a frame of
mind. She tries meditation, instilling a positive aura regarding camping,
and becomes proactive. </div><div>

Plan
in action: With Liam on board, the couple plans
another trip to coincide with an annual Renaissance Faire (for Shelby’s
sake), easing into the camping experience at a nearby, newbie friendly,
camping facility.

Midpoint
Turning Point: Temperatures plunge, everything freezes
including the (not so liquid) dish soap, Shelby and Liam depart early
suffering thermal burns from sitting/sleeping on top of their campfire. The
power of positive thinking does not prevail and Shelby’s anxiety worsens.

Act 3:

Rethink everything: Overhearing a conversation between Liam
and his best friend Sam, Shelby fears that her fiancée is going to have to
choose between her and his lifelong past time, and she may come up the
short straw. </div><div>

New
plan: Studies at the University of
You Tube to improve/develop her camping skills and knowledge

New
insights: Therapy and drugs may at least
be the answer to her anxiety

Turning
Point: Huge failure / Major shift: Shelby shows off her developing camp
skills during set up, but excels on their white water rafting adventure,
triumphing being thrown from the raft and being trapped beneath the boat.
Her victory is short lived when hurricane winds move in, sparks flying and
their cozy site set ablaze, they must abandon their adventure for the
safety of a hotel.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate
expression of the conflict: With best friends, Abbey and Sam, on
board to lend support to their respective friends, Shelby and Liam submit to
their final test of the camping curse. Shelby, with her anti-anxiety meds
and her therapist’s number on speed dial, she is a camping phenom. Until pesky bear cubs invade their camp
and Shelby must save comatose Liam and crew from a nasty mauling. Her quick
thinking and bravery (and maybe some sleeping pills) create a warrior
within. </div>

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Resolution: The following
year, Shelby is a leader and organizer on the now multi-couple trip. While Sam and Abbey turn into their
modest canvas tent, Shelby and Liam happily retire in their comfy, safe,
amenities included motor coach.

<div>

3. Once you have created the 4-Act Structure for your Protagonist, go back over it to see if there is any big picture points you need to add to represent your Antagonist.

For
the antagonist, Liam, I need to pronounce the relationship between him and Sam;
how his best friend pushes for a breakup, defining the differences between the
couple. Liam is determined to make it
work or give up his annual nostalgic trip, possibly risking his friendship,
choosing Shelby over Sam.
</div>

[Susan Rose]

Susan’s High Speed Beat Sheet

What I learned doing this assignment: In the past I have always ended up with a story that became a tangled web, nearly impossible for me to unweave. Following these rules, I have found it much easier to implement the KISS theory as well and I am not struggling to get myself out of a sticky situation.

ACT 1

EXT. CAMPSITE – NIGHT

Opening: Family of five enjoying an evening camping creekside at the base of a mountain. A storm moves in flooding the creek and camp, six year old Shelby narrowly drowns and the family escapes before a landslide consumes their little campsite.

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

TE: Flash forward 20 years, Shelby shares wine with best friend Abbey, discussing Liam’s annual “boys camping trip” and Shelby’s “camping curse” as the event jinx.

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

Shelby’s fiancé, Liam, surprises (shocks) her by announcing that he was changing things up and taking her on this year’s adventure. Shelby nearly chokes to death.

EXT. WOODSY CAMPSITE – DAY

Shelby tries to help Liam set up camp but is more of a hindrance than a help.

EXT. WOODSY CAMPSITE – DAY

Placeholder: Liam takes her on a hike, she realizes there are no facilities, they explore the pros and cons of the outdoors, including his severe allergy to poison ivy.

EXT. WOODSY CAMPSITE – NIGHT

Placeholder: Somehow Shelby screws up causing Liam to expose himself to poison ivy, kicking in his allergic reaction. He breaks out and begins having difficulty breathing.

INT. HOSPITAL ER – NIGHT

TE: The couple ends up in the ER to treat Liam’s allergic reaction, emphasizing Shelby’s insecurities about her jinx persona.

ACT 2

INT: BEDROOM – DAY

TE: One year later, Liam cozes up to Shelby, convincing her that her paranoia is only in her mind and persuades her to join him again this year on his camping trip.

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

Over a bottle of wine, Shelby and Abbey discuss the upcoming trip and how she can prepare for it; Abbey suggesting drugs, and lots of them.

INT. OFFICE – DAY

Shelby sits at her computer reviewing videos on camping skills.

EXT. DRIVEWAY – DAY

Shelby tries to help Liam pack the truck for the journey. He attempts to put her mind at ease before they load up and depart, assuring her they would be staying at an established campground with facilities and electricity.

EXT. CAMPGROUND – DAY

Shelby proves to be of more assistance setting up camp, only smashing Liam’s fingers twice while helping to set the tent pegs.

EXT. RENNAISANCE FAIR – DAY

Placeholder: They spend a pleasant day at the fair, a favorite activity for Shelby. Again, something should happen to Liam that will keep Shelby on edge and paranoid. Temperatures begin to drop.

EXT. CAMPGROUND – NIGHT

Inside the tent the couple has LAYERS of clothes on and still can’t keep warm. They move their sleeping bags to retire by the fire which they stoke to a healthy blaze.

EXT. CAMPGROUND – DAY

TE: Shelby and Liam wake the next morning with EVERYTHING from their water to the dish soap frozen solid, and their exposed skin scorched red from thermal burns after sleeping practically on top of the campfire to keep warm. Shelby’s curse is still hanging over her head.

ACT 3

INT. GARAGE – DAY

TE: While heading outside to find Liam, Shelby overhears his conversation with his best friend. They are discussing his fiancee’s aversion (and paranoia) to camping; making vague references to the deep emotional attachment Liam has for his past time. Sam suggests that if she can’t be empathetic and get on board, he needs to make a choice… Shelby retreats, fearing what choice he will make.

INT. CAFÉ – DAY

Shelby anxiously meets best friend, Abbey, for lunch to discuss what she overheard while eavesdropping. Abbey tries, halfheartedly, to assuage her fears. Again, Abbey, recommends a therapist… and drugs.

INT. LIBRARY – DAY

Shelby traverses the aisles, arms laden with self-help books on camping. While standing in line she eyes two display tables, “Finding love…”, “… Or losing it” The array of books run from finding the right partner, to letting go and moving on, but the only title that sticks is, He’s Just Not That Into You.

INT. OFFICE – NIGHT

Shelby is consumed with her mission to be the camping partner that Liam would appreciate, studying her book rentals and watching You Tube videos as if they were blockbuster releases.

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

Liam arrives home to find that Shelby has prepared a romantic dinner. She requests that he allow her to plan his next outing to show that she supports his passion and wants to share it with him.

EXT. WHITE WATER RAFTING CAMPGROUND – DAY

Placeholder: Shelby has planned a white water rafting (with camping) adventure where she can display her skills and prove that she can keep up with her fiance’s free spirit.

EXT. NEW RIVER – DAY

Placeholder: Storms have been heavy and the river is high, the rafts in the water are flying through Class 5 rapids. During one difficult pass boats are overturned, Shelby comes up under the raft. She finally finds her way to the surface where she is pulled in. With mixed emotions, feeling once again jinxed, but triumphant over the spill, she continues the trip paddleless to shore.

EXT. WHITE WATER CAMPGROUNG – NIGHT

Liam and Shelby sit around the fire drinking, lots of partying in the background. Liam expresses his pride in her performance. Before turning in for the night, Shelby throws some logs on the fire to keep it burning through the night.

INT. TENT – NIGHT

TE: The couple wake to a ruckus outside their tent and the smell of something burning. The wind is whipping at the flaps, the tent nearly pulled from its stakes. Outside some of the other campers are hollering for the couple to get out.

EXT. WHITE WATER CAMPGROUND – NIGHT

Liam and Shelby stumble from their tent, nearly bowled over by the gusts. Their canopy is ablaze and breaks free from its grounding, nearly blown away, stopped only by their tent which quickly becomes encompassed with greedy flames. Liam quickly retrieves his fire extinguisher from the truck, while another camper tries to douse the fire with a nearby hose.

EXT. HOTEL – NIGHT

Placeholder: Dejected, hair singed, Shelby and her fiancé pull into the parking lot, the curse still alive.

ACT 4

INT. AIRPORT TERMINAL – DAY

Shelby looks the worse for wear, as Abbey tries to repair her appearance before they board their working flight. Shelby admits that she is done and is throwing in the towel. Realizing the impact of this decision, Abby earnestly tries to pump her up, coaching her to move forward, and take a pill.

INT. KITCHEN – DAY

TE: Liam announces that he will no longer partake in his annual camping trip. He pops champagne toasting the room which includes Shelby, Sam, and Abbey. He gets on one knee and asks Shelby to set a date, everyone is taken aback, especially Shelby, who realizes she can’t ask or expect him to give up his love of camping for her.

INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT

Over dinner with their respective friends, Liam shares his plans for their next yearly vacation, to include Sam and Abbey, but Shelby requests one last hoorah. It is decided that they will all attend, with power in numbers, they will finally dispatch the curse and eliminate the jinx specter.

INT. PLANE GALLEY – DAY

Shelby corners Abbey requesting her therapists name and contact info.

Placeholder: Not sure of location, but Shelby will be meeting with someone she hires to teach her all things camping and becoming a true outdoorsman.

INT. TRUCK CAB – DAY

The annual trip has arrived. In the front Liam is positive, but secretly wary. Shelby is excited, yet anxious. In the back, their friends are already battling, for talk time, the armrest, even floor space. This is to be a long journey.

EXT. CAMPSITE 4 – DAY

Shelby downs her energy drink and gets to work, practically staging the campsite alone. Liam checks out her handiwork, beyond impressed. Sam is disgruntled, as he tried to find the most “roughing it” site he could to prove a point to Liam and Shelby, who is proving him wrong.

EXT. CAMPSITE 4- NIGHT

Cleaning up after their meal and preparing the site to retire, Shelby finally eyes the “bear box”, finally Sam gets the reaction he has been waiting for. Shelby recalls the explanation from her camp trainer. As the boys go off to relieve themselves in the woods, Shelby explains their situation to Abbey who freaks out and decides she will be sleeping in the truck if there are bears afoot.

INT. TENT – NIGHT

Shelby has gathered portions of food that she could wrangle and sits in her tent lacing it with the entirety of her (and Abbey’s) anti-anxiety and sleeping pills.

EXT. CAMPSITE 4 – NIGHT

The men return rowdy from the woods as Shelby is just securing the bear box. She warns them not to indulge in anything, she has left snacks out for them to finish before turning in and retires to her tent, as Abbey settles in the truck cab.

INT. TENT – NIGHT

Shelby snuggles into her sleeping bag, then reaches for her empty bottle of sleeping pills. Disappointed she turns down the lantern and closes her eyes

EXT. CAMPSITE 4 – NIGHT

Liam and Sam greedily finish the snacks left by Shelby, they continue to drink growing louder. Abbey honks the horn (people sleeping here!). They are amused… and hungry. The two men partake in the snacks inside the locker. Growing sleepy, they decide to turn in, leaving the food unsecured.

EXT. CAMPSITE 4 – NIGHT

TE: Placeholder: This will be a series of events where Shelby wakes to find baby bears in the campsite. She can’t wake Sam and Liam who are knocked unconscious. Fearing mama bear is nearby she tries to chase off the cubs. Mama bear appears having raided the bear locker, but grows protective at the sight of Shelby. There will be a confrontation, whereby Shelby and Abbey defend the camp, draw the bear(s) away before they (the bears) pass out from ingesting the drugs.

EXT. CAMPSITE 4 – DAY

Park rangers are on the scene to contain the bear family and relocate. When Liam and Sam awake, they can hardly believe the story until they take a closer look at the condition of the campsite and the bears being removed in reservation vehicles.

Resolution: With the help, and devotion, of her fiancé and friends the curse is broken, the jinx having gone the way of the dodo.

EXT. CAMPSITE 5 – NIGHT

The night is peaceful and warm, the skies clear, the fire CRACKLES, as the silhouette of the flames bounce across the canvas of the two tents; all is well in the world of camping. Shelby and Liam are married, Sam and Abbey getting along. Shelby decides to turn in, encouraging her husband to do the same. She kisses him good night and turns away. Liam hangs out a few minutes longer, until a loud double HONK sounds. Liam follows Shelby’s lead, heading away from the humble tents to retire in their new motor coach, equipped with all facilities, a bed, kitchen and even a fireplace. Shelby has lifted her curse and found a true love of camping.

[Susan Rose]

Susan’s Transformational Events

What I learned doing this assignment: I learned that by outlining the old and new ways, I can more easily determine the sequence of events to get my protagonist to the finish line.

Character Arc for Protagonist, Shelby: From insecure, paranoid jinx, to a camping warrior (and hero)

Old Ways:

· Negative attitude about trying anything not designed by her

· Frightened to engage in any camping activities due to her childhood trauma

· Selfishly wraps herself in her bad karma and expects others to respect it and keep their distance

· Stubborn in her belief of being a jinx and maintaining the camping curse

· Avoids sharing Liam’s favorite hobby/past time of camping so she won’t disappoint him

· Fears that her fiancé will choose camping over her

New Ways:

· Newfound self-confidence after facing her greatest fears

· Freedom from anxiety

· Learns to let go and enjoy the ride/experience

· Assertively learns and practices the skills to become an equal in Liam’s world of camping

· Courageous, risking her life for those of her friends and fiancé

· Breaks the curse and is no longer a jinx

3. Make a list of 6 – 8 changes or steps that need to happen for that character to go from who they are in the beginning (Old Ways) to who they are in the ending (New Ways).

· Realize that she must face the past and the scars it has left if she hopes to move forward in her relationship

· Shelby decides she must lose the selfish, taking an active role in Liam’s desire for camping and discover why it is such a vital part of his life

· As she overcomes one fear, she must prod forward to confront the next

· Equips/educates herself for the journey she is embarking on through You Tube Videos and Camping for Dummies

· Uses her newly acquired skills to save their camping party

· Becomes a camping warrior

[Susan Rose]

Susan’s
Character Interviews<div>

What I
learned doing this assignment: Boy, I learned that my protagonist is a real talker!
And that both parties basically share the same desires and reservations, and
both are too afraid to reach out to each other out of fear of disappointing one
another. I didn’t realize until now, how traumatizing both of their childhoods
had been… we have some issues to overcome.

PROTAGONIST:
Shelby

1. Tell me about yourself. My name is Shelby
Summers, I am 28 years old, and I am a flight attendant for a major airline for
the past 10 years. I am in crazy, stupid love with my fiancée, Liam, of 5 years
(we dated for two years prior to him popping the question). I think he is planning our wedding date for February
30^th. I’d like to think that he is scared to make that ultimate
commitment, but I truly fear it’s his love for camping and my intense loathing
of the same has created a great divide that I am going to have to one day build
a bridge and cross over if I ever hope for our relationship to move forward.

2. Why do you think you were called to this
journey? Why you? If not me, than who?
If not now, then when? It is not just the camping issue, I have many
inadequacies that require attention, I need to put other’s feelings and
interests before my own and try to learn/understand, “why is this important to you”.

3. You are up against . What is it about them
that makes this journey even more difficult for you? I
am a camping jinx. It seems that every outing is destined to end tragically and
usually in a hotel.

4. In order to survive or accomplish this, you are going to
have to step way outside of your box. What changes do you expect to make and
which of them will be the most difficult? I have to suppress my negative thoughts, I
hope to learn all that I can to prepare for these adventures to share the
knowledge and experience with Liam. I
don’t want him to feel like he has to baby or cater to me… First, I have to get
some drugs!

5. What habits or ways of thinking do you think will be the
most difficult to let go of? FEAR! The fear of dying, the fear of failure, and the
fear of letting my fiancée down. The rest should be a piece of cake.

6. What fears, insecurities and wounds have held you back? I almost died when
I was six. In fact, my entire family
could have been washed away that night, but we weren’t… perhaps, after all
these years I should be looking at that side of the coin. No, I still feel the
panic. I am afraid, though, to share
this with Liam. I know that if I do, he
will stop his annual camping trip for me, and I don’t ever want him to grow to
resent me for this gesture.

7. What skills, background or expertise makes you well-suited
to face this conflict or antagonist? I am in great physical condition, I continual
challenge fate, thinking it will dominate my camping fears (no luck so far), I
have been working with a counselor, I am determined as hell to beat this thing,
and I want to do this for the man I love.

8. What are you hiding from the other characters? What don’t
you want them to know? I don’t want Liam to think the woman he may
spend the rest of his life with is a frightened loser who cannot overcome a
childhood incident, and just grow up. I
want to share this annual trip with my husband and maybe one day our children,
but can I keep this undying fear away long enough to see this all come to
fruition?

9. What do you think of ? I think I can
accomplish this with the support of my best friend Abbey, lots of research,
belief in myself, and plenty of anti-anxiety drugs.

10. Tell me your side of this whole conflict / story. When I was six
years old, my family was camping at the base of a mountain along a creek bed.
It was my first adventure of this type, living (and peeing) in the great
outdoors, bathing in the creek, eating our fill of smores over the open fire;
what child wouldn’t love this? On our second night, a furious storm moved in
out of nowhere, the rain dumped on our little campsite, and the tent that was
my father’s growing up couldn’t withstand the storm, and the deluge found its
way in as if it were no cover at all. My parents and older brother moved
frantically to pack everything up, shoving everything in any available spot of
our Yukon as I huddled in the backseat, soaking wet, with my eight year old
brother. He tried to be brave, but I
think he was more scared than I had been.
Suddenly, as the creek was rising, and sludge moving slowly down the
mountainside, I saw my tattered rag doll, Pink Baby, caught up now in the
moving waters. I jumped from the truck, churning my little legs in the mud to
get to the rushing creek and save my prize possession, but it was too much for
me. I grabbed Pink Baby, but the waters
grabbed at me. In the distance, I could hear my brother screaming my name and calling
to our mother and father, and then the only thing I could hear was rushing
water, determined to pull me under. Then,
a harsh yank on my arm and searing pain as my shoulder became dislocated. I
cried out, but couldn’t be more relieved; my father snatched me from the cold
raging water that seemed more like a river now than a creek. A loud noise was coming from above us, as my
father ran for the truck, yelling for Mom to get the boys and get in the car.
Still clinging to my Pink Baby Dad jumped into the passenger’s seat and before
he could even close the door, Mom threw the vehicle into drive, four wheeling
our way out of the canyon as the mudslide swallowed our campsite, tent and
all. For two days I loved camping, now I
hate the very thought of being out there, the anxiety consumes me, and the fact
that every camping adventure I have endured since, has ended in catastrophe is
fate telling me I am a jinx, or at the very least, I am cursed. How can I make Liam understand apprehensions?

11. What does it do for your life is you succeed here? THE DEATH OF MY
CAMPING CURSE!!!! Sharing something
special with the love of my life, maybe he will then want to take the final
plunge?!

ANTAGONIST: Liam

1. Tell me about yourself. Hey, I’m
Liam, 29 years old, construction worker, hoping to make foreman in the next two
years. That will be a boost for me and I
might feel more confident about providing the life my fiancée, Shelby deserves
with the upgrade in position and money.

2. Having to do with this journey, what are your strengths and
weaknesses? For all that I think I am physically
fit and not unattractive, I feel like I am maybe not good enough for
Shelby. I mean, look at what she does
for a living. She travels all over the
world, works with pilots and is surrounded by well to do first class assholes
that probably hit on her every trip she takes. What can I offer but mediocre
pay, dirty boots, and a beat up old work truck? I love her more than I have
loved anyone or anything, but I don’t think that makes up for all that I lack.

3. Why are you committed to making the Protagonist fail? Or for
a relationship movie, why are you committed to making them change? I don’t want her
to change; I want her to feel better about herself. Yes, I want to share my love of camping with
Shelby, but something is holding her back and she won’t open up to me, and I
will never push her so far that I can’t get her back.

4. What do you get out of winning this fight / succeeding in
your plan / taking down your competition?
I hope to keep that which I already have,
Shelby. I want her to feel confident
about herself, and in me, and in our relationship; nothing else matters.

5. What drives you toward your mission / agenda, even in the
face of danger, ruin, or death? Jesus, I sound like a broken record (or a pussy). I want to be the man that Shelby wants and
deserves. If I can get that promotion, put away some money, maybe even start my
own business, then she’ll be proud to have me as her husband; but I can’t ask
that of her now without having some promise for a future.

6. What secrets must you keep to succeed? What other secrets do
you keep out of fear / insecurity? Why camping is such an important event in my life. It was the only thing my father would share
with me. Because I lived up to his expectations as an outdoorsman, he showed me
respect, he treated me like an equal. It
was the only time, for one week out of the year that I ever felt any love from
that old man.

7. Compared to other people like you, what makes you special? Hah, I’m not
special. I would like to be the only
special person in Shelby’s life but I don’t think she trusts, or loves, me
enough for that. If I can only prove to her that there isn’t a soul on this
earth that will ever lover her or treat her the way that I can, I’d die a happy
man. I know she thinks that my annual
camping trip is my end all, be all, but I’d give it all up if she never wanted
to go again. I just want her to be happy… with me.

8. What do you think of ? I think somehow,
someway, I have to break down her walls and hope she will let me in. Until
then, I guess I just keep guessing at what she wants and needs and try to meet
those expectations.

9. Tell me your side of this whole conflict / story. There’s not much to tell.
I’m a man who grew up feeling lonely, wanting only to have my dad pay
attention to me, to love me for more than just one week a year, and now I feel
like I may not be a good enough man to have the woman I desire love me for the
rest of my life. Let’s just call this a masculine
fairy tale of Cinder Kal-El.

</div>

[Susan Rose]

Susan’s Character Profile Part 2

What I learned doing this assignment: I like seeing the maturation of these characters as they move from infancy to toddler, and finally adulthood. Watching them grow will make it easier to tell their story.<u style=”font-weight: bold;”>

PROTAGONIST – Shelby, Fighter/Dreamer.<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”> <font face=”inherit”>Shelby, late 20’s, much loved teacher, who is a thrill seeker due to a near death experience while camping when she was six years old. While insecure with her camping abilities and pending feelings of doom, she endures their annual outdoor retreat and is determined to overcome her negativity and embrace her </font>fiancée’s<font face=”inherit”> favorite past time, or possibly lose him forever.</font>

· Internal Journey: From insecure, paranoid mania to confident camping warrior.

· External Journey: Overcoming years of PTSD, negativity, and selfishness to discovering the joy of freedom, nature, and camaraderie.

· Motivation: To become the camping partner her fiancée desires and repair their broken relationship

· Wound: Her near death experience while on a camping trip when she was six years old

· Mission/Agenda: To break the camping curse and overcome her aversion to the activity

· Secret: She is a camping jinx, every trip having ended in disaster

· What makes them special: Her fear of “the camping curse” has allowed her to overcompensate by continually tempting fate

What
draws us to this character? Every reader/viewer can relate to this
person as she has one thing in particular that she (and probably others)
hates about herself and tries to overcompensate for. <div>

Traits: Headstrong, independent, committed

<div>

Subtext:
Hides her anxiety, and fears
appearing weak and/or negative, so she takes things to the extreme. Doesn’t want to lose fiancée by
disappointing him.

Flaw: Has built up impenetrable walls

Values: Honesty, loyalty, spontaneity

Irony: She has become a thrill seeker to try and overcome her
childhood fears but still can’t kill the camping jinx

· What makes this the right character for this role? She recognizes her weaknesses and against her better judgment, repeatedly challenging herself to make her relationship work

ANTAGONIST – Liam, Change agent: Liam, late 20’s, congenial construction worker, satisfied with his lot in life but sometimes feels unworthy of his finance. Determined to break through her hard exterior to share a part of his past, he fears that if he keeps pushing Shelby to accept his lifelong adventurous past time, he may lose his her forever.

· Internal Journey: From selfish, bachelor man-child to loving committed partner

· External Journey: Realizes he must put his childhood fancies and relationships on the back burner and become a responsible adult if he hopes to achieve the life he desires

· Motivation: To win back his longtime fiancée

· Wound: Camping was the one and only thing he shared with his deceased father

· Mission/Agenda: To share his love of camping with Shelby and why it is such a passion for him

What
draws us to this character? He is a simple guy, an optimist, with
few demands and just wants to enjoy life to the fullest </div><div>

Traits: Easy going, immature at times, loving, dedicated to
family and persistent

Subtext:
Doesn’t like rocking the boat,
fears disappointing those close to him and having to choose friends over
his lover

Flaw: Fears commitment and being tied down

Values: Friendship, family, nature

Irony: His love for the outdoors is what brought him and his
troubled father together but may be the one thing that tears him and his fiancée
apart

What makes this the right character for this role? With his “glass half FULL” attitude, he won’t give up on Shelby and is determined to break down her walls and be allowed to protect her from her demons.

</div></div>

[Susan Rose]

Susan’s Character Profiles Part 1

What I learned doing this assignment: I am learning not to get hung up on the little details, just jot down the first thing that I envision and keep moving forward… I love this part of the process, it’s so liberating!

Genre: Rom-Com

Protagonist role in the story: Fighter/Dreamer. Shelby, late 20’s, much loved teacher, who is a thrill seeker due to a near death experience when she was six years old. While insecure with her camping abilities and pending feelings of doom, she is determined to overcome her negativity and embrace her fiancee’s favorite past time, or possibly lose him forever.

· Internal Journey: From insecure, paranoid mania to confident camping warrior.

· External Journey: Overcoming years of PTSD, negativity, and selfishness to discovering the joy of freedom, nature, and camaraderie.

· Motivation: To become the camping partner her fiancée desires and repair their broken relationship

· Wound: Her near-death experience while on a camping trip when she was six years old

· Mission/Agenda: To break the camping curse and overcome her aversion to the activity

· Secret: She is a camping jinx, every trip having ended in disaster

· What makes them special: Her fear of “the camping curse” has allowed her to overcompensate tempting fate

Antagonist role in the story: Change agent: Liam, late 20’s, congenial construction worker, satisfied with his lot in life but sometimes feels unworthy of his finance; fears that if he keeps pushing Shelby to accept his lifelong adventurous past time, he may lose his her forever.

· Internal Journey: From carefree bachelor man-child to loving committed partner

· External Journey: Realizes he must put his childhood fancies and relationships on the back burner and become a responsible adult if he hopes to achieve the life he desires

· Motivation: To win back his longtime fiancée

· Wound: Camping was the one and only thing he shared with his deceased father

· Mission/Agenda: To share his love of camping with Shelby and why it is such a passion for him

· Secret: After years of avoidance, he wants to finally set a wedding date

· What makes them special: He is patient and kind to Shelby’s feelings of shortcomings, and is always the optimist

Supporting characters:

1. Abbey, best friend to Shelby, supports her friend’s insecurities and talks her through her panic episodes, usually with a glass of wine in hand.

2. Sam, best friend to Liam, not always an advocate for Shelby. He grew up with Liam and occasionally resents sharing time with the fiancée.

[Susan Rose]

Susan’s Transformational Journey

What I learned doing this assignment: I learned that in order to begin any journey, you must have a starting or jumping off point and a clear vision of the path ahead. This one step right here, allows me to take the next step without any hesitation because there is already some light leading the way.

After a near death experience as a child, the one thing feisty young Shelby despises is camping, and it is the passion of her longtime fiancée; yet camping to her is always a series of pack, disaster, defeat, repeat.

Internal Journey: From insecure, paranoid mania to confident camping warrior.

External Journey: Overcoming years of PTSD, negativity, and selfishness to discovering the joy of freedom, nature, and camaraderie.

Old Ways:

1. Stubborn in her insecurities, thinks she is a camping jinx

2. Determined to not even attempt to enjoy the camping experience

3. Thinks her fiancée should give up his lifelong passion for her

New Ways:

1. Self-confidence found in overcoming her fears

2. Letting go and allowing herself to truly share the experience that brings great joy to her fiancée

3. Freedom from feeling like the outsider and campsite jinx

[Susan Rose]

Hello all, my name is Susan, finally back in Virginia Beach, VA, where I hope to stay planted for a spell. I have completed four scripts, the first one landing straight in the garbage can. The remaining three never achieving a final draft status. I have taken several courses with SWU and loved them all; however, I don’t think I ever completed any of them. I suspect that if I complete a course, I should have a worthy screenplay and then I would have to start the real work and fear running into that wall of rejection! All that is about to change.

After walking away from writing for the past three years due to life, and death, the pandemic, and moving every year with my job, I am ready to climb back onto this horse and cross the finish line. Thanks, Hal, for that awesome speech this week. I am feeling empowered to take on the next 30 days and am actively creating 20 high concept ideas to choose from. I look forward to working with all of you here and have a few quick shout outs:

Bonnie and Lisa, I too have a rough draft of an animated script and would love to get a few pointers from you to get it back on track.

Lisa, I am intrigued by your psychic abilities, and if you are offering your services, please reach out.

Cindi, my heart breaks for what you are going through. My mother passed last spring after battling multiple health issues that ended with her in a nursing home. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

And Sean, I love your upbeat positive attitude, with always have a kind word for everyone here; however, I want to thank you for your service and look forward to working with you over the next 30 days.

Oh yeah, the most unique thing I’ve ever done was skydiving and bungee jumping. There is nothing like a natural high reached by an adrenaline rush!

[Susan Rose]

Susan Rose, I agree to the terms of this release form:

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.