
Elisabeth Decesso
Forum Replies Created
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Hi there,
I did not get an email nor is Lesson 13 available for me in the class.
Could anybody please send it to me?
Thanks
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Elisabeth’s Scene Ratings
What I learned doing this assignment:
So far I cannot do this lesson since I have to write a completely new script and my outline needs massive improvement for it is way too short.
But I have the same problem as Judith:
I did not get lesson 13 though. Could anybody send it to me, please?
Thank you
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Elisabeth’s Outline to Script
What I learned doing this assignment: Since I am writing a completely new script, I learned with pleasure that this process for rewriting works perfectly well when I am about to construct a new story.
Thank you so much for this course! -
Hi everyone,
I am not quite there yet but should have finished my outline by Thursday or Friday 7th or 8th July.
It’s a thriller, so if anyone is interested in exchanging feedback with me by then I would feel honored.
Thanks for everyone
My email: dreamdesignfamily@web.de or elisabethldecesso@gmail.com
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Elisabeth’s fascinating scene outlines
What I learned doing this assignment is that it is not a problem to improve the scenes, but to SEE what needs to be improved!
Basically, the old script I used to have is completely gone and I have a totally different story now. And I still find scenes that had to move into a different place or had to be changed all over.
I have put the revelation of Tobias’ identity to the end, and I have inserted a stronger goal for Lilianna, for she didn’t seem to have one at all.
I hope to have finished the new outline to a minimum of satisfaction by Thursday to be ready for feedback.
Thanks Hal for this absolutely great course! All your courses are stunning, but this one has given me so much insight already that my writing will never be like it was (thank God) and hopefully good enough to finally make my dream come true and make people enjoy my stories and be able to sell them.
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Elisabeth elevates lead characters
What I learned doing this assignment …
there are far more ways to improve than I had imagined.
Lilianna’s intro needs to reflect her better, so the difference in the character between her and and Kim get clear.
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Elisabeth solves Major Problems
What I learned from doing this assignment: I got an idea for the ending.
I found the Journey, the Conflict and the Opening pretty fitting.
I had a problem with the ending, but sitting under the window in my office and enjoying the sun soon brought the right idea.
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Elisabeth’s outline improvements
What I learned doing this assignment: It’s fun!
Improvements: Some aspects of my characters can lead deeper into mystery and intrigue. I can cross the borders I set.
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Elisabeth’s Character Story Lines
What I learned doing this assignment:
This homework is half the outline.
Character 1: Lilianna
B: She’s the boss of the event business. Everybody likes her. She is creative, is full of ideas. The business is popular.
I: Tobias asks her to create an event with fire. Explosion – her biggest fear is pushed to the surface.
TP1: Lilianna has to accept Tobias’ offer.
M: Lilianna finds that Tobias is her presumed dead first love. Alex gets kidnapped.
TP2: Lilianna is all alone while somebody wants to kill her
Dilemma: Face her fear or get rid of Tobias
Conflict: The fire was not her fault & Tobias is not dead
Ending: Lilianna can be with Tobias again and has no trauma anymore
Character 2: Tobias
B: Hook – he says “it’s time” – it’s time to start his plan
I: When the explosion takes place, he doesn’t even twinker
TP1: He’s in
M: He drops his disguise.
TP2: Tobias is near Kim & Alex to find out that they are pretending the kidnapping
Dilemma: If Lilianna has really set the fire, why did she do it? She loved him – did she not? Love her or hate her
Conflict: Finding the truth
Ending: He can be with Lilianna whom he still loves. The truth is revealed
Character 3: Kim
B: She is Lilianna’s best friend and helps her coordinate the events
I: The explosion takes place near her
TP1: Kim is not too fond of Lilianna having to accept Tobias’ offer. She is suspicious
MP: Alex is kidnapped – her reaction is not very emotional. She hides something
TP2: Kim disappears to arrange her final strike against Lilianna
Dilemma: She needs to hide that she set the fire yet wants to break Lilianna
Conflict: She has to pay for her deeds
Ending: She gets arrested
Character 4: Alex
B: He’s Lilianna’s fiancé & constructs what is needed for the events
I: He’s there for Lilianna at the explosion. There he can proof himself a “man”
TP1: He wants to stop her from accepting Tobias’ offer – he’s a rival
MP: Alex gets kidnapped
TP2 He & Kim had arranged the kidnapping to get the money and disappear
Dilemma: With Lilianna he can be a “man”, can he have control, but he burns for Kim who uses him. He can feel that, but he’s not aware of it
Conflict: He wants two things he cannot have: Lilianna and manhood or Kim & money
Ending: He’s left behind with nothing
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Elisabeth’s Character Profiles
What I learned doing this assignment: I need to be kinda scizophrenic – characters revive the story and the story determines the character
Character 1:
Name: Lilianna
Role: She’s the prot, she runs the event business
Core traits: She’s creative, has many ideas, can catch the needs of her business partner quickly, people like her
Want: Satisfy business partners
Need: find inner peace
Flaw: Her thoughts are moving quickly
Wound: She’s scared of fire because her first love died in one
Secret: She still misses her first love
Hidden Agenda: She believes the fire was her fault and tries to paint it over
Internal Dilemma: She tries to continue with her life but the guilt gets ever stronger
Character 2:
Name: Tobias
Role: He initiates the incidents to uncover the truth
Core traits: determined, focused, calm – but also pushing
Want: Finding out who set the fire
Need: getting Lilianna back
Flaw: He is emotionlessly aiming for the answers
Wound: Somebody tried to kill him
Secret: He’s presumed dead
Hidden: to influence the others to make them reveal the truth
Internal dilemma: He soon learns that Lilianna did not set the fire
He sets the story in motion
Character 3:
Name: Kim
Role: best friend of Lilianna, coordinator of events
Core traits: verschlagen, achtsam, durchtrieben (devious, attentive, cunning)
Want: get rid of Lilianna
Need: account for her deeds
Flaw: impatient
Wound: Lilianna is liked more, get rid of her jealousy
Secret: She set the fire
Hidden: ruin Lilianna
Internal dilemma: She cannot kill Lilianna and take her place for she is lacking the friendlyness
She is the cause for Lilianna’s trauma and the evil person to get rid of
Character 4:
Name: Alex
Role: Lilianna’s fiancé and constructor of the business
Core traits: he enjoys being the man, enjoys comforting Lilianna, but loves to have wild sex with Kim
Want: be the one who’s in control
Need: find out he’s Kim’s puppet
Flaw: He looks down on Tobias, is arrogant, but self-inflicted
Wound: feeling inferior
Secret: Wants Kim
Hidden: Plotting against Lilianna
Internal Dilemma: With Lilianna he can be “the man” but is Kim’s slave and enjoys that
He maintains the illusion
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What I learned doing this assignment:
Start with the idea, then improve it bit by bit.
Title: Friendly fire
Concept: When a businessman offers Lilianna a big deal, her business and her world suddenly is under fire, confronting her with her trauma and forcing her to find the truth about her friend, her fiancé and her memory about the fire that killed her first love.
Genre: Thriller
Genre Conventions
Purpose: To thrill your audience with high stakes, plot twists and suspense that never lets up until the adrenalin packed climax.
Lilianna is in danber of losing business, friend, fiancé and her life.
Life and death situations: They face danger at every step – either physically, emotionally or mentally. The hero needs to eigher be in danger or there is the implications of future danger.
Mystery, Intrigue, Suspense: There’s a mystery that must be solved in order to survive. Intrigue is the underhanded and covert Villains’s plan. Suspense comes from the danger the Hero faces.
Who is the businessman, has he anything to do with the incidents?
Hero: Unknowing, unwitting, but resourceful hero.
Lilianna, she has this trauma, but she is full of ideas for creating events.
Villain: Dangerous, devious and unrelenting. Committed to destroy anyone who gets in their way.
It’s Kim and Alex, they have an affair, want to get good money and then disappear, leaving Lilianna behind, having lost her money, her reputation, her business.
Main emotions: Suspense, Intrigue, Mystery, Tension, Anticipation, Uncertainty and Surprise.
Act 1
Opening: Tobias stands in front of the windows of his hotel room. He’s fully dressed and looks at the rising sun over the rooftops of Nuremberg. The alarm clock of his cellphone rings. He looks at it for a few seconds, then switches it off. He takes a photo of Lilianna and burns it in the ashtray. “It’s time” he says and leaves.
Ordinary world: Lilianna’s fiancé Alex and her best friend Kim are rushing through the Meistersingerhalle (place for concerts) where a whole lot of people are running to and fro, busy getting everything ready in time. Right in the middle of it: Lilianna. She seems kinda weathering the storm. It’s only when Kim and Alex arrive that she is getting a little upset. Will they be on time? (Introduction of characters).
Tobias shows up, talking to Lilianna about a project. Tobias tells Lilianna that he wants his event to be with fire. Lilianna is tempted to turn him down.
Inciting Incident: Suddenly a loud noise and a flame. Lilianna gets afraid, panics. Alex takes her in his arms, calms her down (we learn about her fear).
Turning Point 1: Because of the fire, she loses the current project, Lilianna has to accept Tobias’ offer.
Act 2
New Plan: Lilianna hands the project to Kim & Alex, while she is fighting with her fear & tries to get rid of this fear, we learn that her first love died in a fire.
Plan in Action: Tobias plays with Kim & Alex who do their best to give him what he wants, trying to find out as much as possible about them. Something’s strange. Kim and Alex know that they need the project, they need the money. Lilianna is stuck.
Midpoint: Lilianna finds out that Tobias is her first love. It was his cousin who died in the fire. He tried to save him but failed. Now he wants to find out who caused the fire that killed his cousin.
Alex gets kidnapped.
Act 3
Rethink: Alex is usually the one who organizes the projects, but now that he is out of reach, Kim and Lilianna think that Tobias did that. Lilianna insists that the fire was not her fault, but still there are some incongruencies. He is not convinced. And Lilianna believes that he wants to punish her.
New Plan: How find out the truth? While Kim and Alex try to find out what’s going on and how to continue their own plan of destroying Lilianna. She and Kim want to proove that he is the kidnapper.
Turning Point 2: Kim wants to investigate and disappears. Lilianna wants to find out about it all, but is all alone. She does not trust Tobias anymore, and Kim and Alex are not there to help her. While she is trying to find a clue to how to go on, somebody tries to kill her.
Act 4
Climax: Lilianna finds out that Kim and Alex are together & trying to ruin her business by stealing the money of the business and putting the blame for this on her. Now that Lilianna found out, they laid out a trap for her to lill her through fire, knowing that this will paralyse her.
Resolution: While Alex gets injured in the fire, and finds out that Kim does not actually love him, but she used him. Kim also admits that she has set the house on fire to get rid of her, the rival, that’s how she sees Lilianna, for she wanted Tobias for herself. She is jealous of Lilianna’s creativity, of Tobias wanting her and her being liked by “everybody”. This shows that the fire is not Lilianna’s fault but Kim has set this fire. Tobias and Lilianna can love each other again.
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Elisabeth’s 4 Act Structure
What I learned doing this Assignment:
My story still had weak points, the story was still wrong. But I can correct that all with every new assignment.
Title: Friendly Fire
Genre: Thriller
Concept: Lilianna’s first love appears, who is presumed to have died in a fire, and causes her to question her trauma and the credibility of her best friend and her fiancé.
Main Conflict: Lilianna has to face her fear of fire and find out the truth about the cause for this trauma.
Act 1
Opening: Tobias stands in front of the windows of his hotel room. He’s fully dressed and looks at the rising sun over the rooftops of Nuremberg. The alarm clock of his cellphone rings. He looks at it for a few seconds, then switches it off. He takes a photo of Lilianna and burns it in the ashtray. “It’s time” he says and leaves.
Ordinary world: Lilianna’s fiancé Alex and her best friend Kim are rushing through the Meistersingerhalle (place for concerts) where a whole lot of people are running to and fro, busy getting everything ready in time. Right in the middle of it: Lilianna. She seems kinda weathering the storm. It’s only when Kim and Alex arrive that she is getting a little upset. Will they be on time? (Introduction of characters).
Tobias shows up, talking to Lilianna about a project. Suddenly a loud noise and a flame. Lilianna gets afraid, panics. Alex takes her in his arms, calms her down (we learn about her fear).
Inciting Incident: Tobias tells Lilianna that he wants his event to be with fire. Lilianna is tempted to turn him down.
Turning Point 1: Lilianna finds out that she has to accept Tobias’ order.
Act 2
New Plan: Lilianna hands the order to Kim & Alex, while she is fighting with her fear & tries to concentrate on the present event.
Plan in Action: Tobias plays with Kim & Alex who do their best to give him what he wants, trying to find out as much about them as possible. Something’s strange.
Midpoint: Lilianna finds out that Tobias is her first love. It was his cousin who died in the fire. He tried to save him but failed.
Act 3
Rethink: Lilianna sees that the fire was not her fault, but still there are some incongruencies.
New Plan: How find out the truth? While Kim and Alex try to find out what’s going on and how to continue their own plan of destroying Lilianna.
Turning Point 2: Alex gets kidnapped.
Act 4
Climax: Lilianna finds out that Kim and Alex are together & trying to ruin her business by stealing the money of the business and putting the blame for this on her.
Resolution: Kim has set the house on fire to get rid of her rival, that’s how she sees Lilianna, for she wanted Tobias for herself. She is jealous of Lilianna’s creativity, of Tobias wanting her and her being liked by “everybody”.
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What I learned doing this assignment is:
how to gather the things I need to make sure this is a story that is worth working on.
My story is a Thriller called “Love hardened by fire”. It tells the story of Lilianna who is visited by a man who wants to take over the business she had to continue alone after her best friend and founder had died in a fire. This forces her to get self-confidence by uncovering the truth about her fear of fire, about her spouse and her best friend’s death.
She now is pushed to learn to stand on her own feet, trust in her skills and finding out whom to trust for friends are not necessarily friends.
Genre: Thriller
Title: Love hardened by fire
High Concept: Lilianna is visited by a man who wants to take over the business she had to continue alone after her best friend and founder had died in a fire. This forces her to get self-confidence by uncovering the truth about her fear of fire, about her spouse and her best friend’s death.
Main Conflict: What is the truth in Lilianna’s life? What has happened to the ground beneath her feet?
Transformational Journey: She now is pushed to learn to stand on her own feet, trust in her skills and finding out whom to trust for friends are not necessarily friends.
Opposition: Her best friend, who wants her company back.
Well, this doesn’t convince me.
So I changed it:
Genre: Thriller
Title: Love out of Fire
High Concept: A man with burns offers Lilianna to help her with her business. But first she has to find out who kidnapped her husband and is confronted with her fear of fire which comes from her first love having died in a burning house.
Main Conflict: Lilianna has to face her trauma (she’s afraid of fire) while her world is bit by bit falling to pieces.
Transformational Journey: While Lilianna tries to rebuild her former life she has to realize that every bit of it was built on lies.
Opponent: The kidnapper
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This reply was modified 2 years ago by
Elisabeth Decesso.
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This reply was modified 2 years ago by
Elisabeth Decesso.
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This reply was modified 2 years ago by
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Hi everyone,
my name is Elisabeth Decesso, I live in Germany, this is my fourth class with ScreenwritingU and I am grateful for these courses, because they give more insight into “what is a good script”.I have written several screenplays so far and I hope that I can find out how to make the scripts I’ve worked on better.
Something unique about me: it was my dream to write for movies for more than fourty years now, but could never really get through until I became a naturopath.
I am looking forward to these lessons.
Thank you for this special course.
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I, Elisabeth Decesso, agree to the terms of this release form.
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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Hi June,
neither Judith nor I did receive the emails for lesson 13, Judith did not even receive the email for lesson 12.
Could you send us the lessons, please?
elisabethldecesso@ gmail.com
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This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by
Elisabeth Decesso.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by