[Edward Lusk]

ED's PITCHES DRAFT 2

DRAFT 2

ELEVATOR PITCH:

I’M working on ELFSTRUCK. It’s a Christmas romantic comedy where a heartbroken skeptic discovers a magical elf on a secret mission, forcing him to risk his heart to save Christmas
PHONE PITCH:

Hi, this is Ed Lusk, co-writer of the award-winning short film The Last Donut.

I have a Christmas romantic comedy called ELFSTRUCK, where a heartbroken skeptic meets a mischievous elf on a secret mission to save Christmas. But as sparks—and snowflakes—fly, love threatens to derail the mission.

Think Hot Frosty meets Single All the Way. Would you like to hear more?

3. PITCH FEST PITCH

Hi, I’m Ed Lusk, co-writer of the award-winning short film The Last Donut.

My feature screenplay ELFSTRUCK is a Christmas romantic comedy where a heartbroken skeptic meets a stranded magical elf with a secret mission to save Christmas—but their growing love could ruin everything.

Think Hot Frosty meets Single All the Way with a fresh LGBTQ+ twist.



QUERY LETTER:

Title: ELFSTRUCK
Genre: Christmas Romantic Comedy

What happens when a magical elf falls for the wrong human?

Heartbroken and disillusioned, Howie Bellamy escapes to his grandparents’ Winterberry Manor for a reluctant family Christmas. What he doesn’t expect is Jasper Frost—a charming, mysterious mason with an uncanny ability to chip away at Howie’s emotional walls.

But Jasper’s arrival isn’t a coincidence. He’s not a mason, he’s a stranded Northpole Elf.

Tasked with restoring the Keystone Chimney, the linchpin of Santa’s Christmas magic, Jasper’s mission grows increasingly complicated as his feelings for Howie deepen.

Meanwhile, Howie finds himself caught between his fears of another heartbreak and an undeniable connection to the magical stranger whose charm could change everything—or destroy it.

As truths unravel and sparks fly, Howie must make an impossible choice: protect his heart or risk it all to save Christmas—and the elf he’s falling for.

ELFSTRUCK is a heartfelt, magical holiday romantic comedy in the vein of Hot Frosty meets Single All the Way.

I’d love the opportunity to send you the script for consideration.

Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you!

Best regards,
Ed Lusk
Co-writer of the award-winning short film The Last Donut

[Edward Lusk]

ED's 4 PITCHES DRAFT ONE.

1. ELEVATOR PITCH.

I’m working on ELFSTRUCK, a Christmas romantic comedy about a lovestruck skeptic who meets a magical elf with a secret mission, forcing him to choose between guarding his heart or saving Christmas.

2. PHONE PITCH, High-Concept.

Hi, this is Ed Lusk, co-writer of the award-winning short film The Last Donut.

I have a Christmas romantic comedy called ELFSTRUCK, where a lovestruck skeptic meets a mysterious elf tasked with saving Christmas, but sparks—and snowflakes—fly when love complicates the mission.

It’s Hot Frosty meets Single All the Way. Would you like to hear more?

3. PITCH FEST PITCH

Hi, I’m Ed Lusk, co-writer of the award-winning short film The Last Donut.

My feature screenplay ELFSTRUCK is a Christmas romantic comedy where a heartbroken skeptic meets a stranded magical elf with a secret mission to save Christmas—but their growing love could ruin everything.

Think Hot Frosty meets Single All the Way with a fresh LGBTQ+ twist.

4. QUERY LETTER


Title: ELFSTRUCK
Genre: Christmas Rom-Com

What happens when a magical elf falls for the wrong human?


Heartbroken and cynical, Howie Bellamy escapes to his grandparents’ Winterberry Manor for a forced family Christmas. There, he meets Jasper Frost, a charming but mysterious mason with a knack for stirring buried emotions.

Howie begins to suspect Jasper’s arrival is more than coincidence, he finds himself drawn into a world of secrets—and an unexpected love connection that’s impossible to ignore.

Can Howie trust a magical stranger whose charm might ruin everything?

Jasper’s mission to restore the Keystone Chimney, critical to Santa’s Christmas magic, is at odds with his growing feelings for Howie. As truths unravel and sparks fly, Howie must choose between clinging to his emotional defenses or opening his heart to a love he’s afraid to believe in.

Will Howie save Christmas, even if it means losing the elf he loves?

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

[Edward Lusk]

ED's PHONE PITCH

What I learned doing this assignment is how to prepare for a phone pitch, taking some of the fear and apprehension out of the process by being prepared. Having the most asked about and expected exchanges covered I can confidently go about making pitch calls, getting quick feedback if my concept is working, or not, and establishing a business relationship with the producer.

SCRIPT

Strategy Lead with a High Concept.

Hello this Ed Lusk, and I’m wondering if I could run a quick feature film concept by you?

Okay Great. Thank You.

This is a Christmas Rom-Com, the title is, ELFSTRUCK, and the concept is this:

A heartbroken man learns to believe in love and magic again when he’s snowed in with a handsome elf.

(Prepared for Questions)

What’s the budget range?

One to Five Million

Who do you see in the main roles?
Howie – an actor like Ben Platt or Noah Gavin, each brings a mix of humor and depth to Howie's guarded but affectionate nature.

Jasper: Ross Lynch could bring out the magical and mysterious side of Jasper’s character.

Jesús: Someone like a Guillermo Díaz, a strong character actor who can bring his own style the character of Jesús.

How many pages is the script?

95 pages

Who else has seen this?

You are the first.

Why do you think this fits our company?

Because you’ve successfully produced this other Christmas Rom-Com. (Film Name)

How does the movie end?

SetUp:

Heartbroken, Howie faces a Christmas snowed in at his grandparents' manor, where he meets Jasper, a mysterious handyman with a mission to restore the family’s broken chimney.

As Howie’s skepticism battles Jasper’s discovered infectious elfin spirit, Howie is pushed to confront his own fears, family pressures, and a surprising rivalry with BF Jesús, all leading him to a love that melts his guarded heart.

Payoff: Just when Howie lets Jasper go home to the North Pole to save Christmas, Jasper reappears with his own wish granted—to stay with Howie, forever.

[Edward Lusk]

ED's PITCH FEST PITCH

What I learned doing this assignment is how to gather and summarize all the marketing components in one place in a quick and easy reference format. By having these topics already covered and vetted, I am better prepared for pitching and should stand out as being a professional who understands what producers want.

Tell us your credibility
I’m a member of the LGBT community and a co-writer on an award winning short film – The Last Donut.

2. Tell us your genre and title.

Christmas Rom-Com

Title: ELFSTRUCK

3. What is your one or two sentence hook?

When a heartbroken man meets a stranded, magical elf at his grandparents’ manor, he uncovers a hidden family heritage and faces an impossible choice: save Christmas or follow his heart to a most unexpected love.

4. Please give your one or two sentence answer to each of these questions:

What is the budget range? Low budget: $500k to $5 million

What actors do you like for the lead roles?

Howie – an actor like Ben Platt or Noah Gavin, each brings a mix of humor and depth to Howie's guarded but affectionate nature.

Jasper: Ross Lynch could bring out the magical and mysterious side of Jasper’s character.

Jesús: Someone like a Guillermo Díaz, a strong character actor who can bring his own style the character of Jesús.

Give me the acts of the story.
Act I

After a misunderstanding with a charming guy in a pom beanie, Howie’s hot boyfriend, Trevor, dumps him, leading Howie to swear off both love and Christmas—much to the horror of his best friend, Jesús, a devoted Christmas lover.

Out of celebration options, Howie and Jesús retreat to Winterberry Manor, his grandparents’ home, for a Christmas holiday in full, self-loathing style.

There, they meet Jasper, a dashing mason who—surprise!—is the same man from the pom beanie incident. A snowstorm traps them all together, setting the stage for holiday mayhem.

Act II

Suspicious of Jasper, Howie and Jesús conspire to expose him as a scammer. But as Howie snoops, he finds himself both enchanted and infuriated by Jasper’s charisma and mystery.

Jesús, meanwhile, hopes Howie will finally notice him.

Odd, magical events unfold, hinting that Jasper is far from ordinary. In a slapstick accident, Jasper’s secret spills out—he’s a stranded North Pole elf who must repair Winterberry’s “Keystone Chimney” to save Christmas.

The catch? He can only fix it through an “enactment of true Christmas spirit,” leaving Howie torn between attraction and disbelief.

Act III

Frustrated by Jasper’s secrecy, Howie wants nothing to do with the “true Christmas spirit.” His grandparents take sides: Grandma Evie backs Howie and Jasper, while Grandpa Nick roots for Howie and Jesús.

But when Howie’s attempt at the enactment fails, Jasper’s heartbreak at the thought of never returning home stirs Howie’s resolve.

Inspired by his parents’ arrival and newfound acceptance, Howie realizes that the true spirit of Christmas is selfless love. He hands Jasper the magical key, activating the Keystone Chimney, and just before midnight, Jasper vanishes back to the North Pole.

Act IV

The next day, a surprise awaits Howie at the returns counter—Jasper, back from the North Pole! Turns out, Jesús has struck a deal with Santa to take Jasper’s place, ensuring Howie and Jasper’s romance can continue. Christmas is saved, and so is love.

How does it end? (setup / payoff).

SETUPS:
1. Howie’s Broken Heart and Christmas Cynicism
Sets up Howie’s transformation from bitterness to a place of selfless love.

2. The Keystone Chimney and Jasper’s Mission
Creates a challenge that will ultimately require Howie to act selflessly.

3. The Grandparents’ Competing Hopes for Howie
Represents family pressures and Howie’s need to choose his own path.

4. Jesús as Both Friend and Rival
Sets up a twist where Jesús’s sacrifice becomes the ultimate act of friendship.

5. Howie’s Journey from Cynic to Believer
Frames Howie’s inner journey from cynicism to embracing both love and the Christmas spirit.

6. The Snowstorm as Symbolic Isolation
Reflects Howie’s inner isolation and hints that connection and warmth will follow his change of heart.

PAYOFF:
Howie back at work, the returns counter, sad over Jasper’s leaving but a new man filled with hope and joy he will find love again. A shopper approaches hidden behind a stack of boxes.

Behind the boxes it is —Jasper, back from the North Pole!

Turns out, Jesús has struck a deal with Santa to take Jasper’s place, ensuring Howie and Jasper’s romance can continue. Christmas is saved, and so is their love.

Credibility questions What have you done?

I’m a member of the LGBT community and a co-writer on an award winning short film – The Last Donut.

[Edward Lusk]

ED's QUERY LETTER

What I learned doing this assignment is how to place marketing first and story second – at least try to. I need to further learn how to use the hooks and marketable components to tell a synopsis so it is not too long and more catchy.

Title: ELFSTRUCK
GENRE: Rom-Com

For Howie Bellamy, Christmas working at the fragrance counter was all spritz and no sparkle—until a charming stranger appears offering a chance at love that just might be worth believing in.

While dishing out snarky perfume-counter quips and clashing cologne sprays, Howie eagerly counts down to a sunny getaway with his hot new cologne ambassador boyfriend, Trevor. Until his plans are upended when Jasper, a quirky, beanie-wearing stranger enters his life. Jasper sparks unexpected holiday chemistry that Jesús, Howie’s Santa-costumed best friend, can’t help but notice and resent.

As Howie and Jasper’s romance flickers on and off, Jasper’s secret comes to light: he’s a North Pole elf who accidentally broke the magical chimney essential for Santa’s Christmas deliveries – oops – and Howie’s the only one who can fix it. If he does, Howie saves Christmas, but looses Jasper, the first guy/elf – whatever, who’s rekindled his trust in love. If he fails, Christmas and the Bellamy's legacy are ruined.

Before leaving there’s one little tangle Jasper has to unwind, Howie’s an elf too, he just doesn’t believe it – yet.

Just as Howie and Jasper embrace their shared elfin heritage, Howie decides their fates. Whoosh, Jasper vanishes up the chimney, leaving Howie "elfstruck" by love, but one question remains; could there still be hope for a Christmas miracle?

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

BIO
Ed’s is a member of the LGBT community and a co-writer of an award winning short film -The Last Donut.

Best Regards,

Ed Lusk
440-655-1702
ejluskwriter@gmail.com
6505 Hillside Rd
Independence, OH 44131

[Edward Lusk]

ED’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch

What I learned doing this assignment is to think at a high level and set the details aside. I've learned from this exercise the details are not what matters for high-level pitching. I am learning how to hook a producer or manager in a way which sparks their imagination, interest, and their ability to see a story in just one sentence.

HIGH CONCEPT – DILEMMA
A gay man dares to open his heart to a charming, wayward elf, or help send him home saving Christmas at the cost of his own happiness.

ELEVATOR PITCH
I’m writing a holiday rom-com about a gay man who is torn between saving Christmas and falling for a wayward North Pole elf.

[Edward Lusk]

ED’S SYNOPSIS HOOKS

What I learned doing this assigment is how much better a synopsis is written with hooks than as a “book report” I found the synopsis to be more engaging and enteresting in this format than just what happens next. There is more work to be done with the marketing hooks and shortening the synopsis but I have learned to benefit of this approach.

COM’T and MIT’s Considered:

Howie bombards his customers at the fragrance counter with witty insults and perfume spritzes, putting on a hilariously edgy show.

Jasper, a quirky stranger with an oversized beanie obscuring his identity and good looks, stumbles into the scene.

Jesús, store santa , a self-help disciple, craver of affection, yet undervalues himself.

A LGBT rom-com with different take on sexual identity and finding love in the most wonderful time of the year.

B. Great Title. ELFSTRUCK

Howie uncovers Jasper’s true identity as a stranded North Pole elf who accidentally broke the magical Keystone Chimney.

– Grandma Evie hopes for a relationship between Howie and Jasper, but it risks her bond with Grandpa Nick, who is focused on family legacy.

– Grandpa Nick faces a conflict: uphold the family’s Christmas traditions or allow Howie to pursue love with Jasper, risking their family’s Christmas magic.

Jesús grapples with unrequited feelings for Howie but ultimately decides to support Howie and Jasper’s mission.

Only Howie, through a mysterious enactment of the true Christmas spirit, can fix the Keystone Chimney—yet he’s reluctant to fulfill this responsibility.

Howie must choose between saving Christmas by sending Jasper back to the North Pole or letting him stay, jeopardizing Christmas for their chance at love.

A dramatic moment of magic reveals Howie’s powers as he saves his sister, Grace, confirming his own elfin heritage.

– Jesús sabotages Howie by setting him up to look like he’s cheating on Trevor.

– Jasper deceives Howie, urging him to fix the Keystone Chimney without revealing he caused its damage.

H. Big surprises?

Jasper is granted permission to stay with Howie, while Jesús, ends up at the North Pole in Jasper’s place.

SYNOPSIS:


Christmas for Howie Bellamy is celebrated bombarding his fragrance counter customers with witty insults and nauseating cologne spritzes. And why not, he’s a day away from the beach with his latest smoking hot fragrance ambassador boyfriend Trevor.

Until Jasper, stumbles into Howie’s not so wonderful life with his ridiculous pom beanies hat concealing more than his charming vulnerability. Store Santa and Howie’s friend, Jesús, self-help advice is jealously tingling jingling over a Howie and Jasper pairing.

This holiday season they are all Elfstruck. A gay rom-com with different take on finding love during the most wonderful time of the year.

Bah Bye Trevor. Howie uncovers what’s under Jasper’s pom beanie hat, he’s a stranded North Pole elf who accidentally broke the magical Winterberry Manor’s Keystone Chimney essential for Santa’s magical deliveries.

Family ties fray as Grandma Evie backs Team Jasper while Grandpa Nick sides with Jesús, leaving Grace torn between preserving family harmony or helping Howie pursue a love that could change everything. Love does change everything! What Howie thought was a holiday dream bursts into reality, he’s an elf, just like Jasper, drawn into a Christmas magic he never believed was real.

Feeling betrayed Howie hesitates to help Jasper fix the chimney, secretly he doesn’t want him to leave as they’ve just found love. What is an elf to do? With a heart full of holiday spirit, Jesús puts aside his unrequited love for Howie to help him and Jasper save the magic of Christmas and their romance.

Howie chooses family over his own heart, and Jasper sacrifices love for duty. But as Jasper vanishes up the chimney, elfstruck by love, a question lingers—has their magic slipped away, or is there still hope for a Christmas miracle?

[Edward Lusk]

ED’s Ten Mosting Interesting Things.

What I learned doing this assignment is I was able to find many hooks within my screenplay. Then, learning to decide from a producer’s point of view which of these hooks is most marketable. I have a tendency to overwrite my hooks and need to work on boiling them down into shorter, snappier, versions.

A. What makes your hero and villain unique?


Howie is oblivious to his elfin heritage until he falls in love with Jasper, a magical, stranded elf whose secret mission hinges on Howie’s self-discovery.

B. Major hook of your opening scene


Howie flirts with a hunky cologne cardboard cutout model, who appears in the flesh as Howie’s boyfriend, Trevor, the arrogant brand ambassador.

C. Turning points

Howie uncovers Jasper’s true identity as a stranded North Pole elf who accidentally broke the magical Keystone Chimney.

D. Emotional dilemmas

Howie must choose between saving Christmas by sending Jasper back to the North Pole or letting him stay, jeopardizing Christmas for their chance at love.

E. Major twists

The chimney at Winterberry Manor is actually the legendary Keystone Chimney, essential for Santa’s magical Christmas deliveries.

F. Reversals

Only Howie, through a mysterious enactment of the true Christmas spirit, can fix the Keystone Chimney—yet he’s reluctant to fulfill this responsibility.

G. Character betrayals

Jasper deceives Howie, urging him to fix the Keystone Chimney without revealing he caused its damage.

H. Big surprises

Jasper is granted permission to stay with Howie, while Jesús ends up at the North Pole in Jasper’s place.

[Edward Lusk]

ED Meets with Producers and Managers.

What I learned from this assignment is although producers and managers are in different work groups, my proposal to them is still a business one with shared mutual goals and success paths. Their success is my success therefore it is best for me to learn from them, respect their inputs, insights, and experience. It is up to me to improve my writing, generate marketable screenplays, and collaborate with them to achieve produced projects in a steady stream of content.

FOR PRODUCERS:

Introducing Myself:
I approach film production as both a creative and a business-minded professional. With a background in corporate environments, both large and small, I bring a strong business acumen to my projects, understanding the practical challenges producers face. I am committed to collaborating to overcome obstacles from both creative and financial perspectives.

Creatively, I’m highly collaborative. I value others' input, thoughtfully consider notes, and actively engage in discussions to find solutions. My goal is to work together to see this project through to production, ensuring it aligns with both creative vision and budgetary goals.

Project Overview: ELFSTRUCK
Budget:Approximately $1-1.5 million
Cast:Small ensemble with three primary characters and three minor characters
Setting: Primarily in a manor home, with flexibility to adapt location to reduce costs

Story Concept:
ELFSTRUCK is a unique Christmas romantic comedy with a magical twist, aimed at gay audiences but resonant for all viewers. It delivers a fresh, lighthearted take on a holiday romance, adding a touch of fantasy rarely seen in gay-centric storytelling.

Themes and Appeal:
Beyond the surface of holiday joy, family dynamics, and healing after heartbreak, ELFSTRUCK delves into deeper themes: self-acceptance, resilience, identity, and hope. These elements speak universally, offering emotional depth that will connect with both gay and straight audiences.

FOR MANAGERS:

Introducing Myself:
I bring dedication and perseverance to every project, seeing each one through from concept to completion. I am committed to my growth as a writer and value feedback, approaching coaching with openness and humility. I welcome guidance to refine my skills in any way needed.

I maintain a steady writing pace, producing at least two scripts per year across genres, including romantic comedies, dramas, and thrillers. My work is intentional; each project is carefully developed with a clear target audience in mind. I also understand the importance of budget-conscious storytelling, and my scripts cater to diverse audiences—both gay and straight—drawing from my broad life experiences and cultural awareness.

Highlight Project: ELFSTRUCK
ELFSTRUCK exemplifies my abilities in the rom-com genre, meeting audience expectations while steering clear of clichés. This script offers a fresh, original story with emotionally resonant characters that actors will find compelling to portray. My approach to the genre ensures engaging, heartfelt narratives, with each character bringing depth and relatability, making ELFSTRUCK a strong example of my creative range and versatility.

[Edward Lusk]

ED’S Marketable Components.

What I learned doing this assignment is how to gauge and decide what matters the most when it comes to marketing my project. Then taking those main components and begin to form it into a project pitch.

What I would emphasize in my pitch is the uniqueness of the story, being a LGBT Christmas rom-com with a hint of whimsy – the main character, gay man, falls in love with a stranded sexually ambitious North Pole elf who has in inadvertently broken the magical chimney blocking Santa’s visits. Howie is torn between holding onto his love for Jasper or sending him back to the North Pole to save Christmas for everyone.

Second component I would emphasize is the diverse characters engaging in this comedic love triangle as actor attractors.

Howie, being the main character, he’s disillusioned, gay romantic, needing to rekindle heartfelt connections, returns to his grandparents manor-home for Christmas where he discovers…

Jasper, has a big secret, he is an endearing, sexually ambiguous, and surprise, stranded, North Pole Elf.

In the middle, Jesús, Howie’s friend, who’s caught between being a supportive friend while honoring his self-help discipline by expressing his true feelings for Howie and mistrust of Jasper.

[Edward Lusk]

ED’s PROJECT AND MARKET

What I learned today is how to think about and identify what is marketable about my story not to think about what my story is about. That is a big swing in my creative process and approach to story telling.

GENRE: Christmas Rom-Com

TITLE: ELFSTRUCK

CONCEPT: A Christmas visit to his grandparents' manor unravels for a heartbroken gay man when he finds an unexpected romance with a stranded magical elf whose mysterious mishap threatens Christmas.

What is attractive about this story is it offers the gay audiences a lighthearted, Christmas romance with a touch a magic not commonly found in most gay centric stories. On one level there’s complicated family dynamics, Christmas joy expectations, while dealing with the pain of a breakup. On a deeper level there are elements of characters dealing with self-acceptance, resiliency, what defines identity, and hope that will resonate with gay and straight audiences.

Who I would target first are producers. There are specific LGBT producers, and or, production companies who deal specifically in this niche market. Although the LGBT audience base is smaller, there is demand for stories dealing with LGBT characters in non-stereotypical, unique, positive, and authentic stories. Ideally their LGBT identity should be perceived as part of the story, not the main story to encourage broader audiences.

[Edward Lusk]

ED Loves Covering Subtext

MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.

What I learned doing this assignment is how to make my character's dialogue more entertaining, interesting, and add some elements of intrigue with how they communicate with each other.

Misdirection
JESÚS
Howie darling, he’s just so one dimensional.

Make a joke
HOWIE
Unlike other boys, he’ll never leave me Jesús, unless it an exceptionally windy day, then he might just fly off to Queens.

Attack Back
HOWIE
(to women customer)
Try,“Velvet Abyss,” take a
deep dive into a world of dark, intoxicating allure, just like your previous marriage.
(to male customer)
For you sir, “Whispering Pines,”
reconnect with nature in a forest of fresh tranquility and discover your obvious missing masculinity.
(to pimply teenage boy)
Oh dear. Um… “Battle Spray,” because your face deserves a clean slate, not a pizza plate! No?
(boy flips him the bird)
Work with me people!

Change Subject
MARCUS
Good things do come in small packages. Even the marked down ones. Howie, mon cher, I know a little café where the food is, how do you say, délicieux. Perhaps you’d join us for lunch? A bit of wine, some conversation. Who knows where it might lead?

Change Subject
HOWIE
I’m leaving fragrance ambassadors and moving on to underwear models. At least they have a sense of integrity even when wearing a thong.

Question
HOWIE
I thought you had some chimney fix’n to do?

[Edward Lusk]

ED Loves Anticapatory Dialogue

MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.

What I learned doing this assignment is how to discover opportunities there were in my dialogue for using anticipatory dialogue techniques. Sometimes just changing a statement to a question or vice versa was enough to create different implications and consequences. I did have some techniques, such as warnings, countdowns, and direct and indirect predictions. I need to study more about a shield from consequences in advance, as that's a little more complicated.

[Edward Lusk]

ED'S ATTACK/COUNTER-ATTACK

MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.

What I learned doing this assignment is there are different levels of attack/counterattack dialogue that can be written depending on genre, scene circumstances, and character profiles.

INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – HOWIE’S ROOM – DAY

Howie lounges on his bed, scrolling through his phone. The twinkling Christmas lights around his room cast a cozy glow.
He’s dressed in a fluffy robe nibbling on nougat from a box of Christmas candy. He flips the glossy pages of “WIFF & WONDER,” magazine.

In the ensuite bathroom, steamy water fills the tub.
His phone rings—it's a video call from his third-trimester pregnant sister, GRACE, early 30’s. Grace.
Howie answers, forcing a smile full of holiday delight.

INT. CHURCH BASEMENT – NIGHT
Grace gift wraps throughout the call.

SPLIT SCREEN – VIDEO CALL – HOWIE AND GRACE

GRACE
Oh my god, I should have called earlier. How are you? How is Trevor?
HOWIE
How is Trevor? I’m fine by the way, feeling liberated from a guy who spent more time in front of a mirror than actually living in the real world. Now, when are you getting up here to rescue me?
GRACE
As soon as Robert get’s home from London. We’ll take the train up. Promise.
HOWIE
As soon as Robert gets home from London, la de da da da.
GRACE
Be nice Howie or I’m saying goodbye.
HOWIE
Fine. So sensitive. How’s my future nephew?
GRACE
Licking the shit out of me. He’s a Christmas day baby, I know it. Okay. Now we’ve swiped left on Trevor. So who’s this hot Mason Grandma Evie tells me you are on the rebound with?
HOWIE
News flash, his name is not ‘Mason.’ He is a mason, of which I have so many doubts, and not my type, primarily because he’s not gay and secondarily he’s just —

Grace extends a long string of ribbon and then snips it.

GRACE
— a holiday fling?
HOWIE
He’s a weird straight dude here to fix the freak’n chimney, not sweep me off my feet.
GRACE
Oh I see becasue he works in the trades he’s not gay.
HOWIE
Don’t paint me with that brush sister. I know guys and this one’s in a whole other fringe.
GRACE
Maybe he’s genuinely trying to be helpful. There are people like that you know.
HOWIE
Not in the East Village there’s not.
GRACE
You helped me and you live in the East Village.

Grace watches him with a thoughtful expression, then takes a deep breath. A person drops another gift in her lap.

HOWIE
I don’t deserve your love.
GRACE
Howie. That’s a terrible thing to say. Please let go of what happened last Christmas. Mom and Dad are not the people you think they are. Let them love you, Howie. There’s more to their approval than you think.
The tub overflows. Water seeps towards the door jam.
HOWIE
Oh crap! I got to go. Call me back. Okay? Bye. Crap. Crap. Crap.

Howie high tails it into the bathroom sloshing through the flood floor and shuts off the water.
Grace tosses her phone aside as a high stack of to-be-wrapped boxes are laid down in front of her.

[Edward Lusk]

ED'S DIALOGUE STRUCTURE

MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.

What I learned doing this assignment is being able to reduce exposition from dialogue and to improve character dialogue revealing more about the characters as people and what motivates them, and separates them from the other characters.
INT. EVIE AND NICK’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Grampa Nick stares at the flickering fire, his brow furrowed.
Grandma Evie is at the other end of the room. She puts down a framed photo frame of ten year old Howie.
EVIE
They really are adorable together, don’t you think?
NICK
Little too soon for a rebound but I’m please he’s moved on although something tell me he’s not.
EVIE
Well, if any one can bring a little Christmas magic back into Howie’s life, Jasper’s the perfect person for him.
NICK
Jasper? I thought you were talking about Jesús? Jasper’s here for a specific reason and besides, I don’t think Jasper is Howie’s type, if you get my drift.
EVIE
Kids these days don’t care about types. Happiness matters, love matters. It simpler this way.
NICK
Oh, you women always think love is the answer. This is about saving Christmas, Evie. Howie will be fine. He’s resilient, like me.
EVIE
Posh, you’re stubburn Mr. Bellamy. Howie’s lonely. The twinkle in those beautiful eyes has gone dim. If we force Jasper to finish this repair job, we’re just pushing Howie further away from happiness.
NICK
If you so sure about Howie and Jasper why not ask Jasper how he feels about extending his stay? After all he’s to blame for the pickle we’re in.
Evie raises an eyebrow, amused.
EVIE
Oh, I already did and you’ll be pleased to know Jasper’s agreed to stay, on the condition he won’t completley repair the chimney until Howie stops pretending he does’nt care. Seems Jasper has his own sense of priorities.
NICK
You’re a sneaky little fox, Evie.
EVIE
Well, darling, you know what they say, foxes run in packs.
The firelight flickers. Their shadows merge as they kiss.

[Edward Lusk]

ED'S Elevated Dialogue.

MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.

What I learned doing this assignment is a process and method to change generic, boring dialogue into more realistic, character-driven communication. I changed over 50 lines of dialogue and have more to work on but I am pleased with my progress and feel less intimidated about writing dialogue. Some of my favorite new lines:

"Self-help is the best help now go away and don’t be so open-minded, children will resent you for that."

“If I don’t shove a candy can up someone’s nose today, it’ll be a Christmas miracle. My family should be proud. Or, you know, pretend I don’t exist—whichever’s easier."

"Well, if it isn’t the poster boys for ‘love that lasts’! What can I do for you two today? Looking for something to keep the spark alive or just some new orthotics?"

[Edward Lusk]

ED'S Elevated Interest
MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.

What I learned during this lesson was how to target major scenes for elevated interest by using the outline and structure. Then by brainstorming using the techniques, I was able to improve the scene's interest and emotions. For example I took the climax scene is Act 3 and brainstormed ways to elevate. I found by using these techniques:
Betrayal
Suspense
Uncertainty
Twist
External Dilemma
The scene's basic structure and essence remained the same but it became much more interesting both to write and for the conflict depicted. I'm excited to apply and use many more elevated interest techniques to improve other scenes.

[Edward Lusk]

ED'S Dramatic Reveals!

MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.

What I learned from doing this assignment is I had reveals in the story that were not dramatic enough or downplayed. By using the techniques I was able to increase the impact of the reveal and add additional reveals to make the scene more interesting.
Scenes targeted for demand and reveal improvement:
Betrayal between Jesús and Howie.
Jasper is a stranded elf.
The overall increase in using hints and mystery behind magical events
The significance and meaning of the Keystone Chimney
Grampee Nick's secret role in the story
Grampee Evie's cover-up
The true purpose of the snowflake pendant
The true meaning behind Howie's parent's rejection.

[Edward Lusk]

ED loves character depth.
MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.

What I learned doing this assignment is by charting out my character's story path I discovered; that some events/scenes are too similar and lacked a more imaginative and entertaining way to tell their journeys. I found ways to alleviate the duplicity and create new scenes that introduce more of the character's depth and greater interest in the story for them and the audience.

I’ve not final yet on the real “what are they hiding from us,” reason. I’ve dug deeper and found this identification to be useful in improving dialogue and conflict. I believe once I find that big, true “hide” their motivations and thus the actions will change for the story. It’s a big deal knowing this part I just need to finish getting there.

[Edward Lusk]

ED solves scene problems.

MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.

What I learned doing this assignment is by doing this assignment my scenes become much stronger, interesting and entertaining. I was able to identify and correct exposition, still more to fix. I was able to better position set up and reveals. Going through another round I was able to add more than one situation per scene. This I find to be a difficult and necessary step. Scene purpose is essential otherwise the scene just lingers on with no reason for existence. Very valuable lesson!

[Edward Lusk]

Ed is cliché-busting.

MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.

What I learned from this assignment and still am learning is how to distinguish between genre conventions and clichés. My story is Christmas Rom-Com so there are expectations to honor the genre, however, not with cliché.

Cliché – traditional family and warm and cozy Christmas traditions
Busting – non-traditional family and oddball traditions

Cliché – love triangle
Busting – the love triangle with a big twist concerning one of the suitors.

Cliché – lovely home and setting.
Busting – it's still a lovely home/setting with a revealed magical quality.

Cliché – the stakes of a broken heart or finding true love
Busting – the stakes of a broken heart, or finding true love, and adding the risk of ruining Christmas, a dilemma.

I keep looking for more as drafts continue or at least stop and question if I'm in a cliché scene/character or not and work on a solution. Not easy but fun to imagine the alternatives.

[Edward Lusk]

Ed Solved Character Problems.

MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.

What I learned doing this assignment was to improve and clarify each of the characters' goals and wants in my love triangle and different the views of Grandpa Nick and Grandma Evie regarding their conflicts with Howie and who is best for him. I did this through dialogue and action trying to bring out more of their profiles and character arcs. It's an improvement but there is more to do in order for the characters not to become truly distinct.

[Edward Lusk]

Ed's Structure Solutions.
MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.

What I learned from this assignment was to strengthen the four-act structure make sure the beats were strong and noticeable, fill in some outline gaps, and improve the conflicts between the major and minor characters.

[Edward Lusk]

Ed has finished Act 4.
MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.
What I learned doing this assingment is I found my Act 4 to be as I invisioned it. Act 3 needs a lot of work and that's okay because now I know I'll get there because Act 4 holds up. I never wrote a rough draft in two weeks. That makes me feel good and provides me with plenty of material to improve upon in the next drafts.

[Edward Lusk]

ED Continue Act 2

MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.
What I learned writing this assignment is I realy like my midpoint scene ( it's not locked in) however writing it from the outline was fun and better than expected. I want all my other scene to match the quality of that scene once the other drafts are done.

[Edward Lusk]

ED Begins Act 2.

MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.
What I learned doing this assignement is the main conflict comes into focus and the scenes alternate who's winning. As I write fast, I write more emotionally, sometimes my emotions get ahead of my words. When I get to a point where the right word doesn't come to mind to match the emotion I want to convey I write "something" knowing 'll be able to get that right in latter drafts.

[Edward Lusk]

ED's Begining of Act 2.
MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.

What I learned doing this assigment is my Act 2 starts a little early BUT that's okay because it's just a rough draft and these story problems will be worked out in later drafts. For now I keep enjoying writing the scenes, that's important for me to get the scenes down first, in whatever shape they're in.

[Edward Lusk]

Ed's Finished Act 1 scenes.
MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.
What I learned doing this assignment was how much fun it was seeing my characters take shape and action in the context of the story. There will be much improvement to come but for now I'm enjoying a first draft and not worrying about it not being high quality.

[Edward Lusk]

ED's Next Act 1 Scenes
MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.
What I learned doing this assignment is noticing where additional and future scene will help bridge the story line and add more information to my act one which will better support the reveals in act 2.

[Edward Lusk]

ED's Act 1 First Draft Part 1
MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.
What I learned doing this assignment is how well the scenes come together when using the outline. I have a place to start and finish which has helped me structure the scene in an interesting well and I see great potential for improvement in future drafts.

[Edward Lusk]

Ed's High Speed Writing Rules
MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.
What I learned doing this assingment is I would not have tried high speed writing it it wasn't for this course. I've been having so much fun writing I forgotten all about logging into class and updating the couse forums!

[Edward Lusk]

ED'S First Scene.
MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.

What I learned doing this assingment is without facing a blank page the writing process was less encumbered having the scene outline infront of me. The character dialogue came a little easier knowing the situation and essence of the scene up front. I still need to let go and have the persmission to write badly knowing there will be plenty of opportunities to and drafts to improve the quality.

[Edward Lusk]

Hi Renee, sure, looks interesting. Go ahead and send your PDF, Ill send over mine.
Ed

[Edward Lusk]

Hello, let's exchange feedback.
Title: ELFSTRUCK
Written By: Ed Lusk
Email address: ejluskwriter@gmail.com
Genre: Christmas Rom-Com
Concept: A Christmas visit to his grandparents' manor unravels for a heartbroken gay man when he finds an unexpected romance with a stranded magical elf whose mysterious mishap threatens Christmas.

Outline:

Scene 1
INT. DEPARTMENT STORE – FRAGRANCE COUNTER – DAY

Description: Howie Bellamy tries to manage a chaotic fragrance counter, fending off unruly customers with snarky humor. A gay couple refers to Howie as an "Elf," prompting a loud insult from Howie that catches the attention of nearby store Santa, Howie’s best friend, Jesús, and his helper elf, Jasper Frost. Jasper’s cheerful demeanor and magical antics unsettle Howie, leading to a series of humorous and chaotic events around the counter.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Howie Bellamy attempts to manage the chaos at the fragrance counter with snarky humor.
Middle: (Misinterpretation) A gay couple calls Howie an "Elf," leading to a loud insult that catches the attention of store Santa, Jesús, and his helper elf, Jasper Frost.
Ending: (Major Twist) Jasper’s magical antics cause a series of humorous and chaotic events, unsettling Howie.

Scene 2
INT. DEPARTMENT STORE – DAY

Description: Howie’s boyfriend confronts him, suspecting Howie of flirting with Jasper. The misunderstanding escalates into an argument, drawing the attention. Jesús, dressed as Santa, intervenes. Despite Jasper’s attempts to restore merriment, the argument culminates in Howie’s boyfriend breaking up with him, Jasper knocked on his butt, leaving Howie devastated. Howie finds a snowflake pendant lying on the floor and pockets it.

Beginning:(Suspense) Howie’s boyfriend confronts him, suspecting Howie of flirting with Jasper.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) The argument escalates, drawing attention, with Jesús trying to intervene and Jasper attempting to restore merriment.
Ending: (Major Twist) Howie’s boyfriend breaks up with him, leaving Howie devastated as he finds and pockets a snowflake pendant.

Scene 3
INT. DEPARTMENT STORE – SANTA’S CASTLE – DAY

Description: Howie sits on Jesús’ lap lamenting his life while Jesús, still dressed as Santa, provides sympathetic comfort jesting he will grant Howie his Christmas wish. Howie refuses a text invitation to go to his Grandparent’s Winterberry Manor. Jesús talks him into going as he has no better options.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Howie laments his life while sitting on Jesús’ lap, who is dressed as Santa.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Howie refuses a text invitation to visit his grandparents.
Ending:(Internal Dilemma) Jesús convinces Howie to go to Winterberry Manor as he has no better options.

Scene 4
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – NIGHT

Description:Howie and Jesús arrive at Winterberry Manor, where Howie is disappointed to find his favorite fireplace out of commission. Unaware of Howie’s arrival, the grandparents discuss the chimney’s significance and the children’s fable Grandpa Nick has been reading. Howie announces his arrival, only to be startled by Jasper emerging from the shower in a Santa hat and towel.

Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Howie arrives at Winterberry Manor and finds his favorite fireplace out of commission.
Middle: (Mystery) Howie’s grandparents discuss the chimney’s significance and the fable.
Ending: (Major Twist) Howie is startled by Jasper emerging from the shower in a Santa hat and towel.

Scene 5
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – GREAT HALL – NIGHT

Description:Howie reunites with his grandparents, Nick and Evie, who are thrilled to see him. Howie’s concerned about Jasper’s presence as a possible scam artist. They reminisce about past Christmases and try to lift Howie’s spirits. Howie’s reluctance to engage in holiday cheer is apparent, but his grandparents’ warmth begins to soften his cynicism.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Howie reunites with his grandparents, who are thrilled to see him.
Middle: (Suspense) Howie expresses concern about Jasper being a scam artist.
Ending: (Internal Dilemma) Howie’s reluctance to engage in holiday cheer softens as his grandparents reminisce and show warmth.

Scene 6
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – HOWIE'S ROOM – NIGHT

Description: Howie unpacks his bags and discovers the snowflake pendant he picked up during the scuffle with Jasper. Curious about its significance, he examines it closely, sure it just glowed, inspiring a feeling of a strange connection. This moment deepens his intrigue about Jasper and the mysterious events unfolding.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Howie unpacks and discovers the snowflake pendant.
Middle: (Mystery) Howie examines the pendant closely, believing it glowed.
Ending: (Uncertainty) Howie feels a strange connection, deepening his intrigue about Jasper and the mysterious events.

Scene 7
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – HOWIE'S ROOM – NIGHT

Description: Howie video calls his sister Grace, sharing the events of the day and his encounter with Jasper. Grace’s supportive and humorous responses help to lighten Howie’s mood, lower his suspicions, and provide much-needed encouragement. Their conversation reveals more about Howie’s past and his feelings about Christmas.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Howie video calls his sister Grace, sharing the day’s events.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Grace’s supportive and humorous responses lighten Howie’s mood and lower his suspicions.
Ending: (Internal Dilemma) Their conversation reveals more about Howie’s past and his feelings about Christmas.

Scene 8
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – HALLWAY – NIGHT

Description: Unable to sleep, Howie wanders the halls of Winterberry Manor and encounters Jasper, who is also restless. They have a tentative conversation, sharing bits of their pasts and current frustrations. The encounter leaves both feeling a mix of connection and confusion.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Howie wanders the halls of Winterberry Manor and encounters Jasper.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) They share bits of their pasts and current frustrations in a tentative conversation.
Ending: (Uncertainty) Both feel a mix of connection and confusion.

Scene 9
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – KITCHEN – MORNING

Description:The next morning, Howie joins his grandparents and Jasper for breakfast. The atmosphere is light and filled with playful banter, but underlying tensions remain. Howie’s grandparents subtly encourage him to participate in holiday traditions, while Jasper’s presence continues to be both intriguing and unsettling.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Howie joins his grandparents and Jasper for breakfast.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) The atmosphere is light with playful banter but underlying tensions remain.
Ending: (Internal Dilemma) Howie’s grandparents subtly encourage him to participate in holiday traditions.

Scene 10
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – GREAT HALL – DAY

Description: Howie reluctantly helps his grandparents and Jasper set up Christmas decorations. Despite his initial resistance, he starts to enjoy the process, especially as Jasper’s whimsical nature brings out the fun. There’s a moment of closeness between Howie and Jasper, hinting at a growing bond.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Howie reluctantly helps with Christmas decorations.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Despite initial resistance, Howie starts to enjoy the process due to Jasper’s whimsical nature.
Ending: (Internal Dilemma) A moment of closeness between Howie and Jasper hints at a growing bond.

Scene 11
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – LIBRARY – DAY

Description:Howie’s curious about Grandpa Nick’s book. He reads the children’s fable from the old book to Howie and Jasper about a magical chimney allowing Santa to use chimneys all over the world. The story, filled with magical elements, resonates with both Howie and Jasper, who see reflections of their own struggles within it. This moment strengthens their connection and sets the stage for the unfolding magical events.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Howie is curious about Grandpa Nick’s book.
Middle: (Mystery) Grandpa Nick reads the children’s fable, filled with magical elements.
Ending: (Internal Dilemma) The story resonates with Howie and Jasper, strengthening their connection and setting the stage for magical events.

Scene 12
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – GREAT HALL – DAY

Description: Howie is suspicious of Jasper’s true intentions despite Grandpa Nick backing up Jasper’s story about being a caregiver. Convinced Jasper is a scam artist, Howie conspires with Jesús to uncover the truth, while Grandma Evie hints at the need for a traditional Christmas and asks Howie for his fabric piece to complete the family Christmas quilt Howie is unwilling to provide.

Beginning: (Superior Position) Howie is suspicious of Jasper’s true intentions despite Grandpa Nick’s reassurance.
Middle: (Intrigue) Howie and Jesús conspire to uncover the truth about Jasper, while Grandma Evie hints at the need for a traditional Christmas quilt.
Ending: (Uncertainty) Howie remains unwilling to provide his fabric piece, deepening the conflict.

Scene 13
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – HOWIE'S ROOM – DAY

Description: Howie video calls his sister Grace, expressing his suspicions about Jasper and Grandma Evie’s cryptic hints. Grace advises him to calm down and participate in the family traditions, including contributing to the quilt. When Grace mentions their parents, Howie shuts down, revealing deeper family issues.

Beginning: (Misinterpretation) Howie expresses his suspicions about Jasper and Grandma Evie’s cryptic hints.
Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Grace advises Howie to calm down and participate in family traditions, but when she mentions their parents, Howie shuts down.
Ending: (Uncertainty) Howie feels somewhat reassured but remains suspicious.

Scene 14
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – GREAT HALL – DAY

Description: Jesús and Jasper decorate the manor, sharing holiday traditions and celebrating. Jesús subtly probes Jasper about his background, making Jasper’s vague references to needing to get back home more suspicious. Howie listens in, googling for clues, while conflicted by his attraction to Jasper and his determination to find out the truth.

Beginning: (More Interesting Setting) Jesús and Jasper joyfully decorate the manor, sharing holiday traditions.
Middle: (Intrigue) Jesús subtly probes Jasper about his background, heightening suspicion with vague references.
Ending: (Internal Dilemma) Howie listens in, conflicted by his attraction to Jasper and determination to uncover the truth.

Scene 15
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – NIGHT

Description: Grandpa Nick announces that the storm is too bad for anyone to leave. Jasper hides his desperation by pledging to help make this Christmas the best ever, souring Howie’s disposition and making Jasper a target for his spite. Howie confides in Jesús, planning to ruin Christmas to drive Jasper away.

Beginning: (Suspense) Grandpa Nick announces the storm is too bad for anyone to leave.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Jasper hides his desperation and pledges to make Christmas the best ever, souring Howie’s disposition.
Ending: (Intrigue) Howie confides in Jesús, planning to ruin Christmas to drive Jasper away.

Scene 16
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – PARLOR ROOM – NIGHT

Description: Howie has a heart-to-heart with Grandma Evie, confessing his disillusionment with Christmas and his deep desire to rekindle his belief in heartfelt connections. Grandma Evie encourages him to let go of his hurt and participate in the family traditions. Howie agrees to help, albeit reluctantly.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Howie confesses his disillusionment with Christmas to Grandma Evie.
Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Grandma Evie encourages Howie to let go of his hurt and participate in family traditions.
Ending: (Uncertainty) Howie reluctantly agrees to help, revealing his inner turmoil.

Scene 17
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – KITCHEN – DAY

Description: Howie and Jasper bake cookies together, with Howie using the time to interrogate Jasper about his background and why he’s not home for Christmas. Despite Howie’s initial suspicion, he finds himself attracted to Jasper. Their conversation reveals Jasper’s personal rejection and Howie’s own Christmas morning rejection, deepening their connection but also causing tension.

Beginning: (More Interesting Setting) Howie and Jasper bake cookies together, creating a cozy and intimate atmosphere.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Howie interrogates Jasper about his background, deepening suspicion but also attraction.
Ending: (Internal Dilemma) Their conversation reveals shared rejections, deepening their connection but also causing tension.

Scene 18
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – LIBRARY – DAY

Description: Howie has another heart-to-heart with Grandpa Nick, confiding that he deeply desires to rekindle his belief in magical, heartfelt connections. Nick reassures him that the true spirit of Christmas is about love and forgiveness. Howie starts to consider that maybe, just maybe, he can let go of his hurt.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Howie confides in Grandpa Nick about his desire to rekindle his belief in heartfelt connections.
Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Grandpa Nick reassures Howie that the true spirit of Christmas is about love and forgiveness.
Ending: (Uncertainty) Howie starts to consider letting go of his hurt, feeling a glimmer of hope.

Scene 19
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – GREAT HALL – DAY

Description: Jesús organizes a Christmas piñata party to lift everyone’s spirits. The playful event turns competitive, with hidden jealousy and attraction between Howie, Jasper, and Jesús coming to the surface. The fun ends in a huff as tensions flare, leaving Jesús to binge on the candy in frustration.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Jesús organizes a Christmas piñata party to lift everyone’s spirits.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) The playful event turns competitive, revealing hidden jealousy and attraction.
Ending: (Suspense) The fun ends in a huff as tensions flare, leaving Jesús to binge on the candy in frustration.

Scene 20
EXT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – POND – NIGHT

Description: Overhearing Howie and Jesús’s argument, Jasper arranges an ice-skating date for them at the beautifully decorated Winterberry pond. Howie remains suspicious of Jasper’s motives, while Jesús enjoys the romantic atmosphere. Jasper, satisfied with his plan, returns to the manor to continue fixing the chimney with Grandpa Nick.

Beginning: (More Interesting Setting) Jasper arranges an ice-skating date at the beautifully decorated Winterberry pond.
Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Howie remains suspicious of Jasper’s motives, while Jesús enjoys the romantic atmosphere.
Ending: (Intrigue) Jasper, satisfied with his plan, returns to the manor to continue fixing the chimney with Grandpa Nick.

Scene 21
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – GREAT HALL – NIGHT

Description: Jasper works on fixing the chimney with Grandpa Nick, expressing his desperation to get home before Christmas Eve. They discuss the significance of the Keystone Chimney and the magical pathways it controls. Jasper is worried that time is running out, adding urgency to their efforts.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Jasper works on fixing the chimney with Grandpa Nick, expressing his desperation.
Middle: (Suspense) They discuss the significance of the Keystone Chimney and the magical pathways it controls.
Ending: (Uncertainty) Jasper’s worry that time is running out adds urgency to their efforts.

Scene 22
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – PARLOR – NIGHT

Description: Grandma Evie video calls Grace, reporting on Howie and Jesús’s progress. They discuss Howie’s readiness to learn the truth about his connection to the Keystone Chimney and their family’s Christmas legacy. Grace is worried it’s too dangerous, but Grandma Evie is confident Howie is ready.

Beginning:(Intrigue) Grandma Evie video calls Grace to report on Howie and Jesús’s progress.
Middle: (Suspense) They discuss Howie’s readiness to learn the truth about his connection to the Keystone Chimney and their family’s Christmas legacy.
Ending: (Uncertainty) Grace is worried it’s too dangerous, but Grandma Evie is confident Howie is ready.

Scene 23
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – GREAT HALL – NIGHT

Description: Howie and Jesús return from ice skating and startle Jasper, causing him to fall from a ladder and revealing his elfin features. Grandma Evie enters with hot cocoa and cookies, and Jasper confesses his true identity as a North Pole elf. Howie is initially angry at the deception but starts to understand Jasper’s predicament.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Howie and Jesús return from ice skating and startle Jasper, causing him to fall from a ladder.
Middle: (Major Twist) Jasper’s fall reveals his elfin features, and he confesses his true identity as a North Pole elf.
Ending: (Uncertainty) Howie is initially angry at the deception but starts to understand Jasper’s predicament.

Scene 24
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – GREAT HALL – NIGHT

Description: Jasper explains to Howie the significance of the Keystone Chimney and its role in Santa’s Christmas Eve journey. Howie learns that fixing the chimney requires an “enactment of the true Christmas spirit,” which only he can perform. Despite his resentment, Howie agrees to help, realizing the importance of the task.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Jasper explains the significance of the Keystone Chimney and its role in Santa’s Christmas Eve journey.
Middle: (Suspense) Howie learns that fixing the chimney requires an “enactment of the true Christmas spirit,” which only he can perform
Ending:** (Uncertainty) Despite his resentment, Howie agrees to help, realizing the importance of the task.

Scene 25
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – HOWIE'S ROOM – NIGHT

Description: Howie video calls Grace to discuss the “enactment of the true Christmas spirit.” Grace encourages him to embrace the task and reveals she knew about the family’s secret all along. Howie feels betrayed but realizes he must move forward for the sake of Christmas.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Howie video calls Grace to discuss the “enactment of the true Christmas spirit.”
Middle: (Major Twist) Grace reveals she knew about the family’s secret all along, leaving Howie feeling betrayed.
Ending: (Internal Dilemma) Howie realizes he must move forward for the sake of Christmas despite feeling betrayed.

Scene 26
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – LIBRARY – DAY

Description: Howie agrees to help fix the Keystone Chimney, realizing it’s his chance to heal and rediscover the true spirit of Christmas. Grandpa Nick declares that they will all chip in to figure out the solution as Christmas is at stake. The scene ends with a sense of determination and unity.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Howie agrees to help fix the Keystone Chimney, realizing it’s his chance to heal.
Middle: (Suspense) Grandpa Nick declares that they will all chip in to figure out the solution.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) The scene ends with a sense of determination and unity as they prepare for the task ahead.

Scene 27
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – GREAT HALL – DAY

Description: Everyone brainstorms clues from Grandpa Nick’s big book on Christmas magic. The fun halts when Howie watches a TikTok of his ex-boyfriend promoting a fragrance Howie created, pushing Howie to shut down and hate his life again. He storms off, committed to never loving anyone for anything ever again.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Everyone is hopeful as they brainstorm clues from Grandpa Nick’s book on Christmas magic.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Howie watches a TikTok of his ex-boyfriend promoting a fragrance he created, causing an emotional breakdown.
Ending: (Major Twist) Howie storms off, emotionally shutting down and vowing to never love again.

Scene 28
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – HOWIE'S ROOM – DAY

Description: Jasper comforts Howie using a little magic to transform his room into what it was like when he was a child. Jasper explains that the “enactment of the true Christmas spirit” must be performed by someone connected to the North Pole, revealing Howie’s elfin heritage. Jasper confesses that he came back to Winterberry not just to fix the chimney but to find Howie.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Jasper comforts Howie by transforming his room into a nostalgic childhood scene.
Middle: (Mystery) Jasper reveals that the enactment of the true Christmas spirit must be performed by someone connected to the North Pole, disclosing Howie’s elfin heritage.
Ending: (Uncertainty) Jasper confesses his true purpose in returning to Winterberry was to find Howie, leaving Howie conflicted.

Scene 29
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – HOWIE'S ROOM – DAY

Description: Howie confronts Jasper about ruining his Christmas, revealing his frustration with being an elf. Jasper tries to explain his heritage, but Howie’s anger flares, causing Jasper to retreat. Howie is left alone, examining the snowflake pendant and wishing for love and happiness.

Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Howie confronts Jasper, expressing his frustration with his elfin heritage.
Middle:(Conflict) Jasper attempts to explain, but Howie’s anger causes him to retreat.
Ending: (Internal Dilemma) Howie is left alone, examining the snowflake pendant, torn between his desire for love and his resentment.

Scene 30
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – LIBRARY – DAY

Description: Howie confronts Grandpa Nick about his newfound heritage. Grandpa Nick tells the tale of the Bellamy family’s connection to Santa and the Keystone Chimney. Howie learns that his heritage has been kept secret to protect him and the family’s duty to preserve the chimney’s magic.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Howie confronts Grandpa Nick about his elfin heritage.
Middle: (Mystery) Grandpa Nick reveals the Bellamy family’s connection to Santa and the Keystone Chimney.
Ending: (Understanding) Howie learns that his heritage was kept secret to protect him, leading to a newfound understanding of his family’s duty.

Scene 31
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – GREAT HALL – DAY

Description: Jasper shows Howie his magical abilities, explaining that only true love can unlock Howie’s own magic. Jasper’s misuse of his magic brought him back to Winterberry to find Howie. Howie misunderstands Jasper’s intentions, questioning if Jasper is truly gay.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Jasper demonstrates his magical abilities to Howie.
Middle: (Uncertainty) Jasper explains that true love can unlock Howie’s magic, revealing his own mistakes and intentions.
Ending: (Misinterpretation) Howie questions Jasper’s true intentions and sexuality, leading to further mistrust.

Scene 32
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – HALLWAY – DAY

Description: Jesús pushes his agenda to get Jasper home and out of the way. He believes Jasper’s presence hinders his chances with Howie. Jesús’s jealousy and desire for a deeper relationship with Howie come to the surface.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Jesús subtly pushes his agenda to get Jasper out of the way.
Middle: (Conflict) Jesús’s jealousy and desire for a deeper relationship with Howie become apparent.
Ending: (Betrayal) Jesús’s true feelings and motivations are revealed, complicating his friendship with Howie.

Scene 33
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – GREAT HALL – CHRISTMAS EVE – NIGHT

Description: The Keystone Chimney mantel clock strikes 10 PM on Christmas Eve. Howie panics, torn between wanting Jasper to stay and needing to fix the chimney. He attempts various Christmas traditions, hoping one will enact the true Christmas spirit, but each fails.

Beginning: (Suspense) The mantel clock strikes 10 PM, signaling the urgency of the task.
Middle: (Desperation) Howie frantically attempts various Christmas traditions, hoping to enact the true Christmas spirit.
Ending: (Failure) Each attempt fails, leaving Howie in a state of panic and confusion.

Scene 34
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – GREAT HALL – NIGHT

Description: They gather around the Keystone Fireplace, but Jasper’s attempt to exit via the chimney fails, leading to accusations. Howie, Jesús, and Jasper each blame the other for the sabotage. Grandma Evie suggests a new approach, focusing on the family’s unresolved issues.

Beginning: (Intrigue) They gather around the Keystone Fireplace for Jasper’s attempt.
Middle: (Conflict) Jasper’s attempt fails, leading to accusations and blame among Howie, Jesús, and Jasper.
Ending:(Uncertainty) Grandma Evie suggests a new approach, focusing on resolving family issues.

Scene 35
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – GREAT HALL – NIGHT

Description: Grandma Evie suggests they each contribute something meaningful to the family quilt she’s sewing as a symbolic enactment of the true Christmas spirit. Howie, Jasper, and Jesús each offer a personal item, and Grandma Evie sews frantically. Grace arrives just in time, bringing a fresh perspective on the chimney problem.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Grandma Evie proposes a new plan involving the family quilt.
Middle: (Symbolism) Each character contributes a meaningful item to the quilt.
Ending: (Surprise) Grace arrives with a fresh perspective on the chimney problem, renewing hope.

Scene 36
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – GREAT ROOM – NIGHT

Description: Howie’s parents arrive, and Howie introduces Jasper as his boyfriend, daring his parents to reject him again. Jasper is conflicted about staying or returning to the North Pole. Howie’s parents reveal their past actions were to protect Howie’s elfin heritage, not because he’s gay.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Howie’s parents arrive unexpectedly.
Middle: (Confrontation) Howie introduces Jasper as his boyfriend, daring his parents to reject him.
Ending: (Major Twist) Howie’s parents reveal their actions were to protect his elfin heritage, not because of his sexuality.

Scene 37
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – GREAT HALL – NIGHT

Description: Grandma Evie struggles to complete the quilt and handle the unresolved family rift, breaking down in tears. Howie realizes the weight of his resentments and decides to let go of his hurt. He gives Grandma Evie his vest piece for the quilt, symbolizing his acceptance and forgiveness.

Beginning: (Suspense) Grandma Evie struggles to complete the quilt under emotional strain.
Middle: (Emotional Breakdown) Grandma Evie breaks down in tears, overwhelmed by unresolved conflicts.
Ending: (Reconciliation) Howie decides to let go of his resentments, giving Grandma Evie his vest piece for the quilt.

Scene 38
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – LIBRARY – NIGHT

Description: Grace provides a fresh perspective, suggesting the enactment requires a special act of giving to recreate the memorable Christmas Eve with Santa. Just as they are about to try, Howie’s parents arrive, complicating the situation. Howie introduces Jasper as his boyfriend, daring his parents to reject him again.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Grace suggests a special act of giving to recreate a memorable Christmas Eve.
Middle: (Surprise) Just as they are about to try, Howie’s parents arrive, complicating the situation.
Ending: (Uncertainty) Howie introduces Jasper as his boyfriend again, adding tension and uncertainty.

Scene 39
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – GREAT HALL – NIGHT

Description: Howie reconciles with his parents, forgiving them for their rejection, understanding it was out of fear of losing him to the elf world. The Bellamys light candles on the mantel, symbolizing family love and unity, enacting the true Christmas spirit and bringing the magical chimney to life. Jasper is missing, causing concern as the mantel clock begins to chime midnight.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Howie reconciles with his parents, forgiving them for their past rejection.
Middle: (Symbolism) The Bellamys light candles on the mantel, enacting the true Christmas spirit and bringing the magical chimney to life.
Ending: (Suspense) Jasper is missing as the mantel clock begins to chime midnight, causing concern.

Scene 40
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – GREAT HALL – NIGHT

Description: Jasper returns, apologizing for needing to take care of something and unable to find his pendant. Howie realizes he must give up the snowflake pendant Jasper lost for him to leave. He places it around Jasper’s neck. Grandma Evie covers Jasper with the completed family quilt, and Jasper dissolves up the chimney as the clock strikes midnight.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Jasper returns, apologizing for his absence and mentioning the missing pendant.
Middle: (Major Twist) Howie realizes he must give up the snowflake pendant and places it around Jasper’s neck.
Ending: (Symbolism) Grandma Evie covers Jasper with the completed family quilt, and he dissolves up the chimney as the clock strikes midnight.

Scene 41
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – JESUS’S ROOM – NIGHT

Description: Howie seeks comfort in Jesús but discovers a note explaining he’s also had to depart, leaving Howie emotionally healed with his family but alone again. Howie’s acceptance of his family’s love and the realization that he can now move forward marks his growth.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Howie seeks comfort in Jesús’s room.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Howie finds a note from Jesús explaining his departure.
Ending: (Internal Dilemma) Howie accepts his family’s love and realizes he can now move forward, marking his emotional growth.

Scene 42
INT. DEPARTMENT STORE – RETURNS COUNTER – DAY

Description: Howie is back at the store, pleasantly processing returns. Someone hidden behind a gift-wrapped box approaches, revealing Jasper. Jasper asks Howie to come with him, and they leave the store together, opening a gift to find a snow globe of the North Pole. Inside the globe, we see Jesús at the North Pole having a fabulous time. He signals back to Howie the heart symbol and blows him a kiss. Jasper explains he made a deal with Santa for Jesús to switch places so that Jasper could return to the human world.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Howie is pleasantly processing returns at the store.
Middle: (Surprise) Jasper, hidden behind a gift-wrapped box, reveals himself and asks Howie to come with him.
Ending: (Symbolism) They open a gift to find a snow globe of the North Pole, where Jesús signals back to Howie, and Jasper explains his deal with Santa.

Scene 43
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – GREAT HALL – NIGHT

Description: Back at Winterberry Manor, Howie and Jasper receive the old book from Grandpa Nick, bestowing them as the new custodians of the magic chimney. This furthers their romance and newfound roles in preserving Christmas traditions. The scene ends with a sense of fulfillment and new beginnings. Howie and Jasper kiss under the mistletoe.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Howie and Jasper receive the old book from Grandpa Nick, bestowing them as the new custodians of the magic chimney.
Middle: (Symbolism) Their newfound roles in preserving Christmas traditions strengthen their romance.
Ending: (Fulfillment) The scene ends with Howie and Jasper kissing under the mistletoe, symbolizing new beginnings and fulfillment.

[Edward Lusk]

ED'S Fascinating Scene Outline
MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.
What I learned doing this assignment is how to make every scene count and contribute to the overall story using the various interest techniques. Changing around techniques is a efficienct way to change the complexity of the scene without changing the storyline.

Scene 1
INT. DEPARTMENT STORE – FRAGRANCE COUNTER – DAY

Description: Howie Bellamy tries to manage a chaotic fragrance counter, fending off unruly customers with snarky humor. A gay couple refers to Howie as an "Elf," prompting a loud insult from Howie that catches the attention of nearby store Santa, Howie’s best friend, Jesús, and his helper elf, Jasper Frost. Jasper’s cheerful demeanor and magical antics unsettle Howie, leading to a series of humorous and chaotic events around the counter.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Howie Bellamy attempts to manage the chaos at the fragrance counter with snarky humor.
Middle: (Misinterpretation) A gay couple calls Howie an "Elf," leading to a loud insult that catches the attention of store Santa, Jesús, and his helper elf, Jasper Frost.
Ending: (Major Twist) Jasper’s magical antics cause a series of humorous and chaotic events, unsettling Howie.

Scene 2
INT. DEPARTMENT STORE – DAY

Description: Howie’s boyfriend confronts him, suspecting Howie of flirting with Jasper. The misunderstanding escalates into an argument, drawing the attention. Jesús, dressed as Santa, intervenes. Despite Jasper’s attempts to restore merriment, the argument culminates in Howie’s boyfriend breaking up with him, Jasper knocked on his butt, leaving Howie devastated. Howie finds a snowflake pendant lying on the floor and pockets it.

Beginning:(Suspense) Howie’s boyfriend confronts him, suspecting Howie of flirting with Jasper.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) The argument escalates, drawing attention, with Jesús trying to intervene and Jasper attempting to restore merriment.
Ending: (Major Twist) Howie’s boyfriend breaks up with him, leaving Howie devastated as he finds and pockets a snowflake pendant.

Scene 3
INT. DEPARTMENT STORE – SANTA’S CASTLE – DAY

Description: Howie sits on Jesús’ lap lamenting his life while Jesús, still dressed as Santa, provides sympathetic comfort jesting he will grant Howie his Christmas wish. Howie refuses a text invitation to go to his Grandparent’s Winterberry Manor. Jesús talks him into going as he has no better options.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Howie laments his life while sitting on Jesús’ lap, who is dressed as Santa.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Howie refuses a text invitation to visit his grandparents.
Ending:(Internal Dilemma) Jesús convinces Howie to go to Winterberry Manor as he has no better options.

Scene 4
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – NIGHT

Description:Howie and Jesús arrive at Winterberry Manor, where Howie is disappointed to find his favorite fireplace out of commission. Unaware of Howie’s arrival, the grandparents discuss the chimney’s significance and the children’s fable Grandpa Nick has been reading. Howie announces his arrival, only to be startled by Jasper emerging from the shower in a Santa hat and towel.

Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Howie arrives at Winterberry Manor and finds his favorite fireplace out of commission.
Middle: (Mystery) Howie’s grandparents discuss the chimney’s significance and the fable.
Ending: (Major Twist) Howie is startled by Jasper emerging from the shower in a Santa hat and towel.

Scene 5
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – GREAT HALL – NIGHT

Description:Howie reunites with his grandparents, Nick and Evie, who are thrilled to see him. Howie’s concerned about Jasper’s presence as a possible scam artist. They reminisce about past Christmases and try to lift Howie’s spirits. Howie’s reluctance to engage in holiday cheer is apparent, but his grandparents’ warmth begins to soften his cynicism.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Howie reunites with his grandparents, who are thrilled to see him.
Middle: (Suspense) Howie expresses concern about Jasper being a scam artist.
Ending: (Internal Dilemma) Howie’s reluctance to engage in holiday cheer softens as his grandparents reminisce and show warmth.

Scene 6
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – HOWIE'S ROOM – NIGHT

Description: Howie unpacks his bags and discovers the snowflake pendant he picked up during the scuffle with Jasper. Curious about its significance, he examines it closely, sure it just glowed, inspiring a feeling of a strange connection. This moment deepens his intrigue about Jasper and the mysterious events unfolding.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Howie unpacks and discovers the snowflake pendant.
Middle: (Mystery) Howie examines the pendant closely, believing it glowed.
Ending: (Uncertainty) Howie feels a strange connection, deepening his intrigue about Jasper and the mysterious events.

Scene 7
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – HOWIE'S ROOM – NIGHT

Description: Howie video calls his sister Grace, sharing the events of the day and his encounter with Jasper. Grace’s supportive and humorous responses help to lighten Howie’s mood, lower his suspicions, and provide much-needed encouragement. Their conversation reveals more about Howie’s past and his feelings about Christmas.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Howie video calls his sister Grace, sharing the day’s events.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Grace’s supportive and humorous responses lighten Howie’s mood and lower his suspicions.
Ending: (Internal Dilemma) Their conversation reveals more about Howie’s past and his feelings about Christmas.

Scene 8
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – HALLWAY – NIGHT

Description: Unable to sleep, Howie wanders the halls of Winterberry Manor and encounters Jasper, who is also restless. They have a tentative conversation, sharing bits of their pasts and current frustrations. The encounter leaves both feeling a mix of connection and confusion.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Howie wanders the halls of Winterberry Manor and encounters Jasper.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) They share bits of their pasts and current frustrations in a tentative conversation.
Ending: (Uncertainty) Both feel a mix of connection and confusion.

Scene 9
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – KITCHEN – MORNING

Description:The next morning, Howie joins his grandparents and Jasper for breakfast. The atmosphere is light and filled with playful banter, but underlying tensions remain. Howie’s grandparents subtly encourage him to participate in holiday traditions, while Jasper’s presence continues to be both intriguing and unsettling.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Howie joins his grandparents and Jasper for breakfast.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) The atmosphere is light with playful banter but underlying tensions remain.
Ending: (Internal Dilemma) Howie’s grandparents subtly encourage him to participate in holiday traditions.

Scene 10
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – GREAT HALL – DAY

Description: Howie reluctantly helps his grandparents and Jasper set up Christmas decorations. Despite his initial resistance, he starts to enjoy the process, especially as Jasper’s whimsical nature brings out the fun. There’s a moment of closeness between Howie and Jasper, hinting at a growing bond.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Howie reluctantly helps with Christmas decorations.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Despite initial resistance, Howie starts to enjoy the process due to Jasper’s whimsical nature.
Ending: (Internal Dilemma) A moment of closeness between Howie and Jasper hints at a growing bond.

Scene 11
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – LIBRARY – DAY

Description:Howie’s curious about Grandpa Nick’s book. He reads the children’s fable from the old book to Howie and Jasper about a magical chimney allowing Santa to use chimneys all over the world. The story, filled with magical elements, resonates with both Howie and Jasper, who see reflections of their own struggles within it. This moment strengthens their connection and sets the stage for the unfolding magical events.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Howie is curious about Grandpa Nick’s book.
Middle: (Mystery) Grandpa Nick reads the children’s fable, filled with magical elements.
Ending: (Internal Dilemma) The story resonates with Howie and Jasper, strengthening their connection and setting the stage for magical events.

Scene 12
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – GREAT HALL – DAY

Description: Howie is suspicious of Jasper’s true intentions despite Grandpa Nick backing up Jasper’s story about being a caregiver. Convinced Jasper is a scam artist, Howie conspires with Jesús to uncover the truth, while Grandma Evie hints at the need for a traditional Christmas and asks Howie for his fabric piece to complete the family Christmas quilt Howie is unwilling to provide.

Beginning: (Superior Position) Howie is suspicious of Jasper’s true intentions despite Grandpa Nick’s reassurance.
Middle: (Intrigue) Howie and Jesús conspire to uncover the truth about Jasper, while Grandma Evie hints at the need for a traditional Christmas quilt.
Ending: (Uncertainty) Howie remains unwilling to provide his fabric piece, deepening the conflict.

Scene 13
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – HOWIE'S ROOM – DAY

Description: Howie video calls his sister Grace, expressing his suspicions about Jasper and Grandma Evie’s cryptic hints. Grace advises him to calm down and participate in the family traditions, including contributing to the quilt. When Grace mentions their parents, Howie shuts down, revealing deeper family issues.

Beginning: (Misinterpretation) Howie expresses his suspicions about Jasper and Grandma Evie’s cryptic hints.
Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Grace advises Howie to calm down and participate in family traditions, but when she mentions their parents, Howie shuts down.
Ending: (Uncertainty) Howie feels somewhat reassured but remains suspicious.

Scene 14
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – GREAT HALL – DAY

Description: Jesús and Jasper decorate the manor, sharing holiday traditions and celebrating. Jesús subtly probes Jasper about his background, making Jasper’s vague references to needing to get back home more suspicious. Howie listens in, googling for clues, while conflicted by his attraction to Jasper and his determination to find out the truth.

Beginning: (More Interesting Setting) Jesús and Jasper joyfully decorate the manor, sharing holiday traditions.
Middle: (Intrigue) Jesús subtly probes Jasper about his background, heightening suspicion with vague references.
Ending: (Internal Dilemma) Howie listens in, conflicted by his attraction to Jasper and determination to uncover the truth.

Scene 15
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – NIGHT

Description: Grandpa Nick announces that the storm is too bad for anyone to leave. Jasper hides his desperation by pledging to help make this Christmas the best ever, souring Howie’s disposition and making Jasper a target for his spite. Howie confides in Jesús, planning to ruin Christmas to drive Jasper away.

Beginning: (Suspense) Grandpa Nick announces the storm is too bad for anyone to leave.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Jasper hides his desperation and pledges to make Christmas the best ever, souring Howie’s disposition.
Ending: (Intrigue) Howie confides in Jesús, planning to ruin Christmas to drive Jasper away.

Scene 16
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – PARLOR ROOM – NIGHT

Description: Howie has a heart-to-heart with Grandma Evie, confessing his disillusionment with Christmas and his deep desire to rekindle his belief in heartfelt connections. Grandma Evie encourages him to let go of his hurt and participate in the family traditions. Howie agrees to help, albeit reluctantly.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Howie confesses his disillusionment with Christmas to Grandma Evie.
Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Grandma Evie encourages Howie to let go of his hurt and participate in family traditions.
Ending: (Uncertainty) Howie reluctantly agrees to help, revealing his inner turmoil.

Scene 17
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – KITCHEN – DAY

Description: Howie and Jasper bake cookies together, with Howie using the time to interrogate Jasper about his background and why he’s not home for Christmas. Despite Howie’s initial suspicion, he finds himself attracted to Jasper. Their conversation reveals Jasper’s personal rejection and Howie’s own Christmas morning rejection, deepening their connection but also causing tension.

Beginning: (More Interesting Setting) Howie and Jasper bake cookies together, creating a cozy and intimate atmosphere.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Howie interrogates Jasper about his background, deepening suspicion but also attraction.
Ending: (Internal Dilemma) Their conversation reveals shared rejections, deepening their connection but also causing tension.

Scene 18
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – LIBRARY – DAY

Description: Howie has another heart-to-heart with Grandpa Nick, confiding that he deeply desires to rekindle his belief in magical, heartfelt connections. Nick reassures him that the true spirit of Christmas is about love and forgiveness. Howie starts to consider that maybe, just maybe, he can let go of his hurt.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Howie confides in Grandpa Nick about his desire to rekindle his belief in heartfelt connections.
Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Grandpa Nick reassures Howie that the true spirit of Christmas is about love and forgiveness.
Ending: (Uncertainty) Howie starts to consider letting go of his hurt, feeling a glimmer of hope.

Scene 19
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – GREAT HALL – DAY

Description: Jesús organizes a Christmas piñata party to lift everyone’s spirits. The playful event turns competitive, with hidden jealousy and attraction between Howie, Jasper, and Jesús coming to the surface. The fun ends in a huff as tensions flare, leaving Jesús to binge on the candy in frustration.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Jesús organizes a Christmas piñata party to lift everyone’s spirits.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) The playful event turns competitive, revealing hidden jealousy and attraction.
Ending: (Suspense) The fun ends in a huff as tensions flare, leaving Jesús to binge on the candy in frustration.

Scene 20
EXT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – POND – NIGHT

Description: Overhearing Howie and Jesús’s argument, Jasper arranges an ice-skating date for them at the beautifully decorated Winterberry pond. Howie remains suspicious of Jasper’s motives, while Jesús enjoys the romantic atmosphere. Jasper, satisfied with his plan, returns to the manor to continue fixing the chimney with Grandpa Nick.

Beginning: (More Interesting Setting) Jasper arranges an ice-skating date at the beautifully decorated Winterberry pond.
Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Howie remains suspicious of Jasper’s motives, while Jesús enjoys the romantic atmosphere.
Ending: (Intrigue) Jasper, satisfied with his plan, returns to the manor to continue fixing the chimney with Grandpa Nick.

Scene 21
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – GREAT HALL – NIGHT

Description: Jasper works on fixing the chimney with Grandpa Nick, expressing his desperation to get home before Christmas Eve. They discuss the significance of the Keystone Chimney and the magical pathways it controls. Jasper is worried that time is running out, adding urgency to their efforts.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Jasper works on fixing the chimney with Grandpa Nick, expressing his desperation.
Middle: (Suspense) They discuss the significance of the Keystone Chimney and the magical pathways it controls.
Ending: (Uncertainty) Jasper’s worry that time is running out adds urgency to their efforts.

Scene 22
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – PARLOR – NIGHT

Description: Grandma Evie video calls Grace, reporting on Howie and Jesús’s progress. They discuss Howie’s readiness to learn the truth about his connection to the Keystone Chimney and their family’s Christmas legacy. Grace is worried it’s too dangerous, but Grandma Evie is confident Howie is ready.

Beginning:(Intrigue) Grandma Evie video calls Grace to report on Howie and Jesús’s progress.
Middle: (Suspense) They discuss Howie’s readiness to learn the truth about his connection to the Keystone Chimney and their family’s Christmas legacy.
Ending: (Uncertainty) Grace is worried it’s too dangerous, but Grandma Evie is confident Howie is ready.

Scene 23
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – GREAT HALL – NIGHT

Description: Howie and Jesús return from ice skating and startle Jasper, causing him to fall from a ladder and revealing his elfin features. Grandma Evie enters with hot cocoa and cookies, and Jasper confesses his true identity as a North Pole elf. Howie is initially angry at the deception but starts to understand Jasper’s predicament.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Howie and Jesús return from ice skating and startle Jasper, causing him to fall from a ladder.
Middle: (Major Twist) Jasper’s fall reveals his elfin features, and he confesses his true identity as a North Pole elf.
Ending: (Uncertainty) Howie is initially angry at the deception but starts to understand Jasper’s predicament.

Scene 24
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – GREAT HALL – NIGHT

Description: Jasper explains to Howie the significance of the Keystone Chimney and its role in Santa’s Christmas Eve journey. Howie learns that fixing the chimney requires an “enactment of the true Christmas spirit,” which only he can perform. Despite his resentment, Howie agrees to help, realizing the importance of the task.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Jasper explains the significance of the Keystone Chimney and its role in Santa’s Christmas Eve journey.
Middle: (Suspense) Howie learns that fixing the chimney requires an “enactment of the true Christmas spirit,” which only he can perform
Ending:** (Uncertainty) Despite his resentment, Howie agrees to help, realizing the importance of the task.

Scene 25
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – HOWIE'S ROOM – NIGHT

Description: Howie video calls Grace to discuss the “enactment of the true Christmas spirit.” Grace encourages him to embrace the task and reveals she knew about the family’s secret all along. Howie feels betrayed but realizes he must move forward for the sake of Christmas.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Howie video calls Grace to discuss the “enactment of the true Christmas spirit.”
Middle: (Major Twist) Grace reveals she knew about the family’s secret all along, leaving Howie feeling betrayed.
Ending: (Internal Dilemma) Howie realizes he must move forward for the sake of Christmas despite feeling betrayed.

Scene 26
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – LIBRARY – DAY

Description: Howie agrees to help fix the Keystone Chimney, realizing it’s his chance to heal and rediscover the true spirit of Christmas. Grandpa Nick declares that they will all chip in to figure out the solution as Christmas is at stake. The scene ends with a sense of determination and unity.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Howie agrees to help fix the Keystone Chimney, realizing it’s his chance to heal.
Middle: (Suspense) Grandpa Nick declares that they will all chip in to figure out the solution.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) The scene ends with a sense of determination and unity as they prepare for the task ahead.

Scene 27
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – GREAT HALL – DAY

Description: Everyone brainstorms clues from Grandpa Nick’s big book on Christmas magic. The fun halts when Howie watches a TikTok of his ex-boyfriend promoting a fragrance Howie created, pushing Howie to shut down and hate his life again. He storms off, committed to never loving anyone for anything ever again.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Everyone is hopeful as they brainstorm clues from Grandpa Nick’s book on Christmas magic.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Howie watches a TikTok of his ex-boyfriend promoting a fragrance he created, causing an emotional breakdown.
Ending: (Major Twist) Howie storms off, emotionally shutting down and vowing to never love again.

Scene 28
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – HOWIE'S ROOM – DAY

Description: Jasper comforts Howie using a little magic to transform his room into what it was like when he was a child. Jasper explains that the “enactment of the true Christmas spirit” must be performed by someone connected to the North Pole, revealing Howie’s elfin heritage. Jasper confesses that he came back to Winterberry not just to fix the chimney but to find Howie.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Jasper comforts Howie by transforming his room into a nostalgic childhood scene.
Middle: (Mystery) Jasper reveals that the enactment of the true Christmas spirit must be performed by someone connected to the North Pole, disclosing Howie’s elfin heritage.
Ending: (Uncertainty) Jasper confesses his true purpose in returning to Winterberry was to find Howie, leaving Howie conflicted.

Scene 29
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – HOWIE'S ROOM – DAY

Description: Howie confronts Jasper about ruining his Christmas, revealing his frustration with being an elf. Jasper tries to explain his heritage, but Howie’s anger flares, causing Jasper to retreat. Howie is left alone, examining the snowflake pendant and wishing for love and happiness.

Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Howie confronts Jasper, expressing his frustration with his elfin heritage.
Middle:(Conflict) Jasper attempts to explain, but Howie’s anger causes him to retreat.
Ending: (Internal Dilemma) Howie is left alone, examining the snowflake pendant, torn between his desire for love and his resentment.

Scene 30
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – LIBRARY – DAY

Description: Howie confronts Grandpa Nick about his newfound heritage. Grandpa Nick tells the tale of the Bellamy family’s connection to Santa and the Keystone Chimney. Howie learns that his heritage has been kept secret to protect him and the family’s duty to preserve the chimney’s magic.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Howie confronts Grandpa Nick about his elfin heritage.
Middle: (Mystery) Grandpa Nick reveals the Bellamy family’s connection to Santa and the Keystone Chimney.
Ending: (Understanding) Howie learns that his heritage was kept secret to protect him, leading to a newfound understanding of his family’s duty.

Scene 31
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – GREAT HALL – DAY

Description: Jasper shows Howie his magical abilities, explaining that only true love can unlock Howie’s own magic. Jasper’s misuse of his magic brought him back to Winterberry to find Howie. Howie misunderstands Jasper’s intentions, questioning if Jasper is truly gay.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Jasper demonstrates his magical abilities to Howie.
Middle: (Uncertainty) Jasper explains that true love can unlock Howie’s magic, revealing his own mistakes and intentions.
Ending: (Misinterpretation) Howie questions Jasper’s true intentions and sexuality, leading to further mistrust.

Scene 32
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – HALLWAY – DAY

Description: Jesús pushes his agenda to get Jasper home and out of the way. He believes Jasper’s presence hinders his chances with Howie. Jesús’s jealousy and desire for a deeper relationship with Howie come to the surface.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Jesús subtly pushes his agenda to get Jasper out of the way.
Middle: (Conflict) Jesús’s jealousy and desire for a deeper relationship with Howie become apparent.
Ending: (Betrayal) Jesús’s true feelings and motivations are revealed, complicating his friendship with Howie.

Scene 33
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – GREAT HALL – CHRISTMAS EVE – NIGHT

Description: The Keystone Chimney mantel clock strikes 10 PM on Christmas Eve. Howie panics, torn between wanting Jasper to stay and needing to fix the chimney. He attempts various Christmas traditions, hoping one will enact the true Christmas spirit, but each fails.

Beginning: (Suspense) The mantel clock strikes 10 PM, signaling the urgency of the task.
Middle: (Desperation) Howie frantically attempts various Christmas traditions, hoping to enact the true Christmas spirit.
Ending: (Failure) Each attempt fails, leaving Howie in a state of panic and confusion.

Scene 34
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – GREAT HALL – NIGHT

Description: They gather around the Keystone Fireplace, but Jasper’s attempt to exit via the chimney fails, leading to accusations. Howie, Jesús, and Jasper each blame the other for the sabotage. Grandma Evie suggests a new approach, focusing on the family’s unresolved issues.

Beginning: (Intrigue) They gather around the Keystone Fireplace for Jasper’s attempt.
Middle: (Conflict) Jasper’s attempt fails, leading to accusations and blame among Howie, Jesús, and Jasper.
Ending:(Uncertainty) Grandma Evie suggests a new approach, focusing on resolving family issues.

Scene 35
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – GREAT HALL – NIGHT

Description: Grandma Evie suggests they each contribute something meaningful to the family quilt she’s sewing as a symbolic enactment of the true Christmas spirit. Howie, Jasper, and Jesús each offer a personal item, and Grandma Evie sews frantically. Grace arrives just in time, bringing a fresh perspective on the chimney problem.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Grandma Evie proposes a new plan involving the family quilt.
Middle: (Symbolism) Each character contributes a meaningful item to the quilt.
Ending: (Surprise) Grace arrives with a fresh perspective on the chimney problem, renewing hope.

Scene 36
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – GREAT ROOM – NIGHT

Description: Howie’s parents arrive, and Howie introduces Jasper as his boyfriend, daring his parents to reject him again. Jasper is conflicted about staying or returning to the North Pole. Howie’s parents reveal their past actions were to protect Howie’s elfin heritage, not because he’s gay.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Howie’s parents arrive unexpectedly.
Middle: (Confrontation) Howie introduces Jasper as his boyfriend, daring his parents to reject him.
Ending: (Major Twist) Howie’s parents reveal their actions were to protect his elfin heritage, not because of his sexuality.

Scene 37
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – GREAT HALL – NIGHT

Description: Grandma Evie struggles to complete the quilt and handle the unresolved family rift, breaking down in tears. Howie realizes the weight of his resentments and decides to let go of his hurt. He gives Grandma Evie his vest piece for the quilt, symbolizing his acceptance and forgiveness.

Beginning: (Suspense) Grandma Evie struggles to complete the quilt under emotional strain.
Middle: (Emotional Breakdown) Grandma Evie breaks down in tears, overwhelmed by unresolved conflicts.
Ending: (Reconciliation) Howie decides to let go of his resentments, giving Grandma Evie his vest piece for the quilt.

Scene 38
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – LIBRARY – NIGHT

Description: Grace provides a fresh perspective, suggesting the enactment requires a special act of giving to recreate the memorable Christmas Eve with Santa. Just as they are about to try, Howie’s parents arrive, complicating the situation. Howie introduces Jasper as his boyfriend, daring his parents to reject him again.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Grace suggests a special act of giving to recreate a memorable Christmas Eve.
Middle: (Surprise) Just as they are about to try, Howie’s parents arrive, complicating the situation.
Ending: (Uncertainty) Howie introduces Jasper as his boyfriend again, adding tension and uncertainty.

Scene 39
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – GREAT HALL – NIGHT

Description: Howie reconciles with his parents, forgiving them for their rejection, understanding it was out of fear of losing him to the elf world. The Bellamys light candles on the mantel, symbolizing family love and unity, enacting the true Christmas spirit and bringing the magical chimney to life. Jasper is missing, causing concern as the mantel clock begins to chime midnight.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Howie reconciles with his parents, forgiving them for their past rejection.
Middle: (Symbolism) The Bellamys light candles on the mantel, enacting the true Christmas spirit and bringing the magical chimney to life.
Ending: (Suspense) Jasper is missing as the mantel clock begins to chime midnight, causing concern.

Scene 40
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – GREAT HALL – NIGHT

Description: Jasper returns, apologizing for needing to take care of something and unable to find his pendant. Howie realizes he must give up the snowflake pendant Jasper lost for him to leave. He places it around Jasper’s neck. Grandma Evie covers Jasper with the completed family quilt, and Jasper dissolves up the chimney as the clock strikes midnight.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Jasper returns, apologizing for his absence and mentioning the missing pendant.
Middle: (Major Twist) Howie realizes he must give up the snowflake pendant and places it around Jasper’s neck.
Ending: (Symbolism) Grandma Evie covers Jasper with the completed family quilt, and he dissolves up the chimney as the clock strikes midnight.

Scene 41
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – JESUS’S ROOM – NIGHT

Description: Howie seeks comfort in Jesús but discovers a note explaining he’s also had to depart, leaving Howie emotionally healed with his family but alone again. Howie’s acceptance of his family’s love and the realization that he can now move forward marks his growth.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Howie seeks comfort in Jesús’s room.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Howie finds a note from Jesús explaining his departure.
Ending: (Internal Dilemma) Howie accepts his family’s love and realizes he can now move forward, marking his emotional growth.

Scene 42
INT. DEPARTMENT STORE – RETURNS COUNTER – DAY

Description: Howie is back at the store, pleasantly processing returns. Someone hidden behind a gift-wrapped box approaches, revealing Jasper. Jasper asks Howie to come with him, and they leave the store together, opening a gift to find a snow globe of the North Pole. Inside the globe, we see Jesús at the North Pole having a fabulous time. He signals back to Howie the heart symbol and blows him a kiss. Jasper explains he made a deal with Santa for Jesús to switch places so that Jasper could return to the human world.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Howie is pleasantly processing returns at the store.
Middle: (Surprise) Jasper, hidden behind a gift-wrapped box, reveals himself and asks Howie to come with him.
Ending: (Symbolism) They open a gift to find a snow globe of the North Pole, where Jesús signals back to Howie, and Jasper explains his deal with Santa.

Scene 43
INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – GREAT HALL – NIGHT

Description: Back at Winterberry Manor, Howie and Jasper receive the old book from Grandpa Nick, bestowing them as the new custodians of the magic chimney. This furthers their romance and newfound roles in preserving Christmas traditions. The scene ends with a sense of fulfillment and new beginnings. Howie and Jasper kiss under the mistletoe.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Howie and Jasper receive the old book from Grandpa Nick, bestowing them as the new custodians of the magic chimney.
Middle: (Symbolism) Their newfound roles in preserving Christmas traditions strengthen their romance.
Ending: (Fulfillment) The scene ends with Howie and Jasper kissing under the mistletoe, symbolizing new beginnings and fulfillment.

[Edward Lusk]

ED's SCENE REQUIREMENTS
MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.
What I learned doing this assignment is by outlining this way I could identify if my scenes contained or lacked the requirements and adjust accordingly. This technique helped ensure a more complete outline and better scene design.
ACT 1.

INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – GREAT ROOM – NIGHT

Scene Arc: Grandpa Nick’s and Grandma Evie’s quite winter’s night is interrupted by an unexpected visitor who arrives via down their chimney.
Essence: This is no ordinary chimney or ordinary couple.
Conflict: The visitor is not expected and has broken their magical chimney
Subtext: The Bellamy’s are keepers of a magical chimney.
Hope/Fear: They hope the visitor has good news/They fear the chimney is broken beyond repair.

INT. DEPARTMENT STORE – FRAGRANCE COUNTER – DAY

Scene Arc: Howie Bellamy treats customers badly and insults them with humor
Essence: Howie’s doesn’t like Christmas
Conflict: Howie against his customers
Subtext: Howie not a happy person and covers it with humor.
Hope/fear: Howie hopes his day will improve. Fear his day will get worse.

INT. – FRAGRANCE COUNTER

Scene Arc: Howie’s insulted by a gay couple and then is attracted to a strange young man, Jasper, whose upstaging him with his customers.
Essence: Jasper shows up and defends Howie despite his rudeness
Conflict: The gay couple insults Howie, he insults them back. Jasper caught in the middle.
Subtext: Howie finds Jasper’s attractive in an odd sort of way
Hope/fear: Howie hopes Jasper stays. Fear Jasper will be gone forever.

INT. FRAGRANCE COUNTER

Scene Arc: Jasper is strangely popping in and out of locations around the counter until Howie, captures hjm by the hand sparking potential love interest until Howie accidentally sprays Jasper’s face in the face with cologne leaving Jasper burning and Howie fawning over him.
Essence: Howie and Jasper’s antics depend their meet up while getting the attention of the Store Santa – Jesùs, Howie’s best friend.
Conflict: Howie’s sorry he hurt Jasper. Jesús jealous of Howie and Jasper.
Subtext: Howie’s not a bad person despite his outward appearance.
Hope/fear: Howie’s hopes Jasper is not injured. Fear: Jasper will reject Howie for injuring him.

INT. DEPARTMENT STORE – DAY

Scene Arc: Howie goes from helping Jasper to being dumped by his boyfriend.
Essence: Howie’s caring for Jasper leads to his relationship breakup.
Conflict: Boyfriend suspects Howie of cheating breaks up with Howie. Jesús steps in to defend Howie.
Subtext: Howie is suspicious he was being spied on by The Boyfriend. Jesús has deeper feelings for Howie than a friend.
Hope/fear: Howie hopes for understanding. Howie fears rejection and loneliness.

INT. DEPARTMENT STORE

Scene Arc: Jasper makes a dignified exit but not before warning the bystanders they are all going on the “naughty list.” The shoppers turn uncharacteristically polite. Unknown to Jasper he leaves behind a special snowflake pendant, which Howie finds.
Essence: There’s still hope Howie and Jasper will be together.
Conflict: Jasper leaves in a huff. Howie’s unsure what to do.
Subtext: People Howie cares about keep leaving him. Jasper has magical abilities.
Hope/Fear: Howie will go after Jasper. Fear: Howie will give up on love.

INT. MALL – DAY

Scene Arc: Jasper weeps nostalgically over a North Pole themed store window and shops for hardware implements he’s unsure what to buy.
Essence: Jasper is up to something yet unknown
Conflict: Jasper doesn’t know what to buy exactly.
Subtext: Jasper is up to something
Hope/fear: Hope, Jasper’s plan involves helping Howie. Fear: Jasper’s plan involves hurting Howie.

INT. DEPARTMENT STORE – SANTA’S PHOTOGRAPH CASTLE – DAY

Scene Arc: Howie sits on Jesús lap expresses his self-pity while Jesús, still dressed as Santa, provides comfort. Howie is invited to Grandparent’s Winterberry Manor Jesús talks Howie into going.
Essence: Howie’s life has gone to hell and Jesús sees an opening to advance their friendship into something more. Jesús (santa) will grant any wish Howie wants, Howie sees as a lie.
Conflict: Doesn’t want to go to Winterberry Manor. Jesús trying to persuade Howie to go.
Subtext: Howie’s wound – betrayal and rejection. Jesús has a hidden agenda.
Hope/fear: Hope that Howie will rebound and go the Winterberry Manor. Fear Howie will lapse into depression and stay alone over Christmas.

INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – GREAT ROOM – NIGHT
Scene Arc: Howie and Jesús arrives Winterberry Manor ,over hear his grandparents worried about Howie’s favorite fireplace being broken impacting Christmas. Grandparents lie to Howie they were discussing a child’s fable not the actual fireplace.
Essence: The Winterberry fireplace has a key role in the story.
Conflict: Grandparents are covering up something
Subtext: Howie wants a Christmas like old days
Hope/fear: Hope Howie will have a MerryChristmas at Winterberry. Fear: His family is covering something up related to Howie’s happiness.

ACT 2

INT. HOWIE’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Scene Arc: Howie enters his room, Jasper emerges from the shower, they scare each other. Jesús and Grandpa Nick join the fray. Howie learns Jasper is here as his Grandparents caregiver. Howie and Jesús have their doubts.
Essence: Howie’s surprised to find Jasper at Winterberry Manor under suspicious reasons.
Conflict: Jasper is lying about being here. He’s up to something.
Subtext: Mutual attraction and mutual suspicion
Hope/fear: Hope Howie rekindles his romance with Jasper. Fear: Howie will throw Jasper out.

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

Scene Arc: Howie’s concerned about his grandparents wellbeing. Jesús raises the question Jasper might be a scam artist. Howie and Jesús plan to uncover the truth.
Essence: Howie and Jesús want to know the truth about Jasper.
Conflict: Howie and Jesús have to lie to Jasper
Subtext: Distrust and suspicion for unknown motives.
Hope/fear:Hope Howie is right. Fear Howie is in danger.

INT. GREAT ROOM – NIGHT

Scene Arc: Grandma Evie assures Howie everything is fine and hints at the need for a traditional Christmas. Sacrifices must be made leaves Howie wondering. Grandma Evie asks Howie for a fabric to complete her Christmas quilt. Howie refuses hurting her feelings.
Essence: Howie and Grandma Evie are not in agreement when it comes to Christmas celebrations.
Conflict: Grandma Evie wants peace and harmony Howie’s not ready to give it.
Subtext: Howie’s hurt and Grandma Evie wants to help
Hope/fear: Hope: Howie drops his guard. Fear: Howie stays resentful.

INT. HOWIE’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Scene Arc: Howie video calls his sister GRACE, raising his suspicions and questions about Jasper and Grandma Evie’s hint about family sacrifices. Grace tries to calm Howie’s worries, inquires if he’s spoken to mom and dad, which angers Howie. Grace wants Howie to give Grandma Evie the fabric as it will make her happy.
Essence: Grace offers advice, encouragement, and humor, helping to ground Howie and provide him with a sense of family connection.
Conflict: Howie and Grace do not agree on family obligations.
Subtext: Grace is family mediator, wanting Howie to find happiness.
Hope/fear:Hope Howie will listen to Grace. Fear. Howie will shut Grace out too.

INT. GREAT ROOM – DAY
Scene Arc: Jesús and Jasper decorate the room while Jesús casually asks personal questions while Howie eave drops and googles Jasper’s replies looking for the truth about him.
Essence: Jesús and Howie are in cahoots spying on Jasper
Conflict: Spying, lying and mistrust while decorating
Subtext: Howie’s fascination/attraction about Jasper deepens.
Hope/fear: Hope: Howie doesn’t find anything incriminating about Jasper. Fear: Howie finds dirt on Jasper

INT. GREAT ROOM – DAY

Scene Arc: Grandpa Nick interrupts the spying delivering the news the storm is too bad for anyone to leave or arrive causing Jasper to sound desperate. Grandpa Nick will work on the fireplace while Jasper pledges to make Winterberry Christmas the best it’s ever been , Jesús agrees, souring Howie’s disposition.
Essence: Everyone but Howie is making the best of the situation.
Conflict: Howie despises merriment the others want more of it.
Subtext: Grandpa Nick and Jasper have some sort of understanding unknown to Howie.
Hope/fear: Hope: Howie joins in the fun. Fear: Howie ruins everyone’s Christmas.

INT. KITCHEN – DAY

Scene Arc: Howie pledges he’ll ruin Jasper’s plans and show him the door. Jesús agrees which is suspicious. Jesús lets it slip that Jasper’s being here was not part of the plan. Jesús confesses the gay couple at the store was a set up. Jesús wanted to get Howie to Winterberry Manor alone with him for Howie’s benefit.
Essence: Jesús has an agenda to be more than friends with Howie.
Conflict: Howie was lied to and manipulated
Subtext: Howie has trust issues and feels betrayed.
Hope/fear: Hope: Howie forgives Jesús. Fear: Howie ends Jesús friendship.

INT. GREAT ROOM – DAY

Scene Arc: Jasper and Grandpa Nick work frantically on fixing the chimney while the shouts of Howie and Jesús argument pulsate from the kitchen. Grandpa Nick and Jasper discuss who should go in there and help. Jasper goes despite his need to work on the chimney.
Essence: Jasper caught in a dilemma to either fix the chimney or help Howie.
Conflict: Jesús betrayal. Jasper’s priorities.
Subtext: There’s something important to Jasper about the chimney. Jasper has feelings for Howie.
Hope/fear: Hope: Howie stops being angry. Fear: Howie says something he regrets.

INT. KITCHEN – DAY
Scene Arc: Jasper enters to stop to fight with the idea to bake cookies. Jesús and Howie argue over who’s going to help bake. Howie’s will do it because he hates baking cookies anyway and will ruin them.
Essence: Howie has a plan to ruin anything Jasper tries to do to make Christmas merry.
Conflict: Jesús wants to be with Howie. Jasper wants to be with Howie. Howie doesn’t want to be with either of them.
Subtext: Howie’s emotions are in turmoil.
Hope/fear: Hope: Howie enjoys baking with Jasper. Fear: Howie sabotages the bake.

INT. KITCHEN DAY
Scene Arc: Howie does his best to ruin the baking while Jasper opens up to Howie why he’s not home for Christmas eluding to moment of rejection earning Howie’s empathy and attraction. Despite Howie’s efforts the cookies are mysteriously perfect.
Essence: Jasper and Howie have something in common.
Conflict: Howie trying to ruin the moment. Jasper’s making it special.
Subtext: Jasper has a positive effect on Howie.
Hope/fear: Hope: Howie experience Jasper’s affection. Fear: Howie will succeed in ruining the movement.

INT. GREAT ROOM – DAY

Scene Arc: Jesús joyfully helps Grandpa Nick and Grandma Evie decorate the tree while sharing his missing his family back in Mexico. The Bellamy’s share he’s always welcome here and they love him. Jesús wants their take of Howie and Jasper. They do seem to get along which is rare. Grandpa Nick infers Jasper has to get home soon. Jesus returns to kitchen finding plate of delicious cookies.
Essence: Jasper has to leave soon leaving the door open for Jesús’s attempt to still have a romantic relationship with Howie.
Conflict: Jesús sees Jasper is good for Howie complicating his plans.
Subtext: Jasper has to go somewhere soon reason and where in unknown.
Hope/fear: Hope: Jasper stays for
Howie Fear: Jasper’s leaving doesn’t hurt Howie.

INT. HOWIE’S BEDROOM – DAY
Scene Arc: Howie’s looking through old family Christmas photo’s when he was a boy which bring a tear to his eye. His attention drawn to a disturbance outside his window. He sees Jasper’s , head first, half way down the chimney. His legs kicking widely. Howie goes onto to roof.
Essence: Howie had happy Christmas at one time. Jasper needs his help.
Conflict: Jasper’s foolishness interrupts Howie’s reminiscing.
Subtext: Howie had happy Christmas. Howie cares about Jasper.
Hope/fear: Hope: Howie rescues Jasper. Fear: Howie falls off the roof.

EXT. WINTERBERRY MANOR – ROOF – DAY
Scene Arc: Howie creeps up on Jasper. He hears him talking to someone in the chimney. Howie rescues Jasper out of the chimney didn’t need to be. They’re close enough to kiss but do not.
Essence: Howie rescues Jasper form the chimney with unknown circumstances why he’s there.
Conflict: Jasper didn’t want assistance. Physical attraction not acted upon.
Subtext: Jasper up to something strange. Howie fondness for Jasper grows
Hope/fear: Hope: Howie kisses Jasper. Fear: Howie has enough of Jasper’s foolishness.

INT. HOWIE’S BEDROOM – DAY
Scene Arc: Howie helps Jasper back into his room. They fall upon Howie’s bed across from one another. They’re physically close. Howie presses Jasper on what’s he’s up to. Jasper misdirects Howie to consider fixing his family and leave the chimney to him, it’s his fault it’s broken and runs off.
Essence: Jasper rejects Howie’s help and metaphorically Howie’s love. The broken chimney is Jasper’s fault and only he alone can fix his mistake.
Conflict: Jasper’s not being honest and Howie’s not being honest with himself.
Subtext: There’s close attraction and neither Jasper or Howie act on it.
Hope/fear: Hope: Howie takes Jasper’s advice. Fear: Howie rebukes Jasper.

INT. LIBRARY – DAY
Scene Arc: Jasper enters with Howie following. Howie takes pity on Jasper admitting everyone makes mistakes – he trusted those who he loved only to have his trust broken. Jasper would not understand that because he’s too over confident in people’s goodwill. Jasper counters – that feeling of being “stranded” is powerful and even some “elves” lack good will.
Essence: Howie and Jasper have experienced betrayal and heartbreak in different ways.
Conflict: Howie and Jasper don’t understand each other on this point.
Subtext: They’ve both made mistakes they regret.
Hope/fear: Hope Howie’s persuades Jasper. Fear: Howie pushes Jasper away.
INT. PARLOR – DAY

Scene Arc: Jasper sadly plays the piano. Howie talks heart to heart talk with Grandma Evie confiding he feels lost and deeply desires to rekindle his belief in magical, heartfelt connections, if only he knows how to let go of his hurt. Grandma Evie about to supply sage advice when Jesús interrupts with an idea.
Essence: Howie needs help.
Conflict: Howie doesn’t know how to get it help.
Subtext: Howie’s a disillusioned romantic.
Hope/fear: Hope: Howie get’s help. Fear: Howie doesn’t get help.

INT. PARLOR – DAY
Scene Arc: Jesús has a Christmas piñata in hand the perfect cure for healing the blues and want them to participate. Grandma Evie declines she has sewing to do.
Essence: Jesús hates to see everyone unhappy.
Conflict: Jesús interrupted Grandma Evie’s advice to Howie.
Subtext: Jesús doesn’t want to be alone.
Hope/fear: Hope: Howie participates. Fear. Howie withdraws.

INT. GRAND HALL – DAY
Scene Arc: Jasper, Howie, and Jesús partake in smashing the piñata which is rollicking good fun until hidden jealousy and attraction between Jesús and Howie and Howie and Jasper get a little too competitive. Insinuations fly and somethings should have best be left unsaid.Howie and Jasper leave in a huff. Jesús, upset, binges on the candy.
Essence: A planned good time ends in disaster.
Conflict: Jesús and Jasper compete for Howie affections. Howie unsure what do to.
Subtext: Fear of losing Howie. Friend grappling with jealousy.
Hope/fear: Hope: Howie has a good time. Fear: Howie sabotages the fun.

INT. JESÚS ROOM – NIGHT
Scene Arc: Howie interrogates Jesús’s over his jealousy around Jasper. Jesús reveals he’s always had deeper feelings for Howie but Howie can’t see it because he’s consumed with mistrust and cynicism keeping everyone away. Outside the door Jasper listen’s in then enters charming them with an idea – who likes to ice skate?
Essence: Jasper has an idea how to get Howie and Jesús together.
Conflict: Jasper set aside feelings for Howie, for Howie’s benefit.
Subtext: Jasper helps other covering his failures.
Hope/fear:Hope Howie falls in love with Jesus. Fear:

EXT. WINTERBERRY POND – NIGHT
Scene Arc: Jasper tricks Howie and Jesús into an ice skating date. It’s beautiful and romantic decorated with twinkling lights. Howie’s suspicious of how Jasper did it so fast, Jesús is too thrilled to care. Jasper leaves them alone.
Essence: Jasper’s working his magic concocting a date for Howie and Jesús.
Conflict: Howie does’t want Jasper to leave. Jesús want to be alone with Howie.
Subtext: Jasper’s has strange magic ability.
Hope/fear:Hope:Howie finds happiness in the moment. Fear: Howie doesn’t have a good time.

INT. GREAT HALL – NIGHT
Scene Arc: Jasper is trying to fixing the chimney with Grandpa Nick assisting. Jasper believes Howie and Jesús new romance should work out. There’s not much time left to repair the chimney Christmas Eve is tomorrow. Jasper realizes he doesn’t have his snowflake pendant.

Essence: Grandpa Nick and Jasper have shared interest in a repaired chimney.Jasper realizes he doesn’t have his pendant.
Conflict: Howie and Jesús romantic success is Jasper’s loss.
Subtext: Failure to repair the chimney impacts Christmas Eve.
Hope/fear: Hope: Howie

INT. PARLOR – NIGHT
Scene Arc: Grandma Evie’s video call with Grace reporting good news. It appears Howie and Jesús are hitting it off. Grace is happy. She get to Winterberry Manor as soon as she can. Her parents will not be making the journey as they stay in the city. Based on Howie’s admission Grandma Evie is sure Howie is ready to learn the truth about him. Grace disagrees as its too risky if the plan doesn’t work.
Essence: Grace and Grandma Evie share information about Howie
Conflict: Grace can’t leave. She disagrees about sharing unknown information about Howie with him.
Subtext: Grace knows something about Howie that he does not.
Hope/fear: Hope: Howie learns the truth and it good news. Fear: Howie learns truth and it’s bad news.

INT. GREAT HALL – NIGHT
Scene Arc: Howie and Jesús return in good spirits. Howie startles Jasper on a ladder working on a mantel clock causing him to fall. Howie breaks Jasper’s fall and in the process knocks off Jasper’s silly cap revealing he has elfish like features.
Essence: Jasper has been hiding the fact he’s an elf.
Conflict: Jasper’s been lying by cover up his real identity.
Subtext: Jasper’s is an elf.
Hope/fear: Hope Howie is not put off by Jasper’s reveal. Fear: Howie rejects Jasper for being an elf.

INT. GREAT HALL – NIGHT
Scene Arc: Grandma Evie declares it’s time to clear the air. Jasper explains he defied Santa and left the North Pole to fix the chimney. Jasper wanted to show his elves he’s better than they think. He’s not sure exactly how the magical “Keystone Chimney” works. If he doesn’t fix it Santa can’t come down chimney’s around the world. He needs help afraid to ask.
Essence: Jasper is a stranded elf who’s fate impacts Christmas
Conflict: The chimneys broke and Jasper can’t fix it placing Christmas at risk
Subtext: Jasper has something to prove. Howie feels betrayed
Hope/fear: Hope Howie will help Jasper. Fear: Howie won’t help Jasper.

Scene Arc: Jesús is enthralled that Santa and North Pole exists while Howie thinks this is all another one of Jesús’s set ups. He tries to pull off Jasper’s pointed ears only to give Jasper a little thrill – elves ears are erogenous zones. Howie’s angry Jasper didn’t trust him with the information. Jasper was fearful he’d be rejected for being someone not like them.
Essence: Fear of rejection stops Jasper from being truthful.
Conflict: Howie doesn’t believe the story.
Subtext: Howe feels betrayed and trust issues arise with Jesús
Hope/fear:Hope: Howie believes Jasper. Fear: Howie rejects Jasper.

INT. DINING ROOM – NIGHT
Scene Arc: Jasper explains repairing the chimney requires the help of a person who must perform an “enactment of the true Christmas spirit” and that person is Howie, who resents the idea. Grandma Evie begs him to reconsider. Howie will reconsider but wants to know how his favorite chimney got involved in this in the first place.
Essence: Howie plays a key role in saving Christmas but doesn’t understand why.
Conflict: Howie’s and Christmas don’t get along. Helping means sacrificing.
Subtext: Jasper overconfidence Howie can help. Helping means Jasper will leave.
Hope/fear: Hope Howie puts his grudge aside and helps. Fear: Howie won’t perform the enactment.

INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
Scene Arc: On a video call with Grace, she talks Howie into it performing the “enactment of true Christmas spirit”. Howie has no idea exactly what it is but thinks it has to do with confronting his parents. Howie discovers Grace has been in on this family conspiracy too. Why is he the last to know and why has she not told him about it? The call goes out before she can answer.
Essence: Howie’s family keeping something from him.
Conflict: Howie helping means emotional healing.
Subtext:Howie’s afraid to confront his past
Hope/fear:Hope Howie is strong enough to help. Fear. Howie lacks the courage to do what’s right.

ACT 3

INT. KITCHEN – DAY

Scene Arc: Everyone brain storming ideas for the “enactment of the Christmas spirit.” The fun stops when Howie watches a TikTok of his Ex-Boyfriend promoting a fragrance Howie created pushing Howie to shut down hating his life – again. Howie storms off committed to not loving or helping anyone for anything ever again.
Essence: Howie’s can’t be relied upon to perform the “enactment”
Conflict: Another betrayal shuts down Howie
Subtext: Using the Tin Tok to avoid pain and maintain control.
Hope/fear: Hope: Howie will be a better person. Fear: Howie reverts back to his old self.

INT. CONSERVATORY – DAY
Scene Arc: Howie confesses he does not want Jasper to leave. He’s falling in love with him. Jasper confesses Jasper knows this because both Jasper and Howie were both North Pole elves.Howie escaped the North Pole using the Chimney and left Jasper behind. His parents adopted him. Jasper came back to Winterberry to take Howie home. It wasn’t to make the repair after all. Jasper can’t find his snowflake pendant to show Howie he has magical abilities.
Essence: Howie and Jasper share a greater bond that Howie was unaware of.
Conflict: Howie is an elf and everyone else knew it. Howie knows about the pendant but won’t admit to it to keep Jasper here.
Subtext: Howie has the magical abilities.
Hope/fear: Hope: Howie accepts himself as an elf Fear: Howie rejects being an elf.

INT. GREAT ROOM – DAY
Scene Arc: Howie confronts Grandpa Nick. Using his old book as illustration, Nick tells the tale: Bellamy’s have protected the chimney for generations because one Christmas Eve a Bellmay, grandpa’s grandpa, accidentally met Santa coming down the chimney. A Christmas act no one has ever witnessed. The young Bellamy gave Santa a present, the snowflake pendant, endearing the Bellamy’s to Santa and his legacy forever.

Essence: Winterberry Manor and the Bellamys place an integral role in the celebration of Christmas and Santa’s travels.
Conflict: Howie secretly has the snowflake pendant.
Subtext: Howie has a way out, if he chooses to use it.
Hope/fear: Hope Howie will keep the legacy going. Fear: Howie will ruin it.

INT. JASPER’S ROOM – DAY
Scene Arc: Howie doesn’t believe Jasper is gay knowing he’s an elf. Jasper insists he is gay as all North Pole elves are by their nature are gay people. Jesús pushes his personal agenda it’s time to get Jasper home.
Essence: Howie accepts his new elf identity and confirms Jasper is gay too.
Conflict: Jasper’s double entendre has Howie guessing
Subtext: revealing true identity, vulnerability. Trust.
Hope/fear:Hope Howie will be okay without Jasper. Fear: Howie falls apart.

INT. GREAT ROOM – NIGHT
Scene Arc: The mantel clock strikes 10. The group brainstorms what the “enactment of Christmas spirit,” actually is. The brainstorm turns to argument as hidden emotions and accusations rise to the service. Grace arrives, she has an idea. Grandma Evie needs the remaining fabrics to complete to traditional Christmas quilt. Howie, Jesús, and Jasper scramble to get there’s. Grandma Evie sews frantically as the clock ticks away.
Essence: No one knows what the “enactment of the Christmas Spirit” is, leaving little time for Jasper to return to NP and save Christmas.
Conflict: Stress of the situation gets to the Bellamys and quests.
Subtext: Accusations, mistrusts and old family squabbles.
Hope/fear: Hope: Howie completes the task. Fear: Failure.

INT. GREAT ROOM – NIGHT
Scene Arc: Howie and Jasper share a moment – should this quilt work, it’s time to say good bye. Jasper wants to stay as the Bellamy’s are like family to him. Howie insist he must go and fulfill his elf duty. Jasper’s idea – Howie can come too. He declines as crazy as his family is he loves them and can’t leave. Grandma Evie finished the quilt.
Essence:If the quilt is the “enactment” the chimney will work and Howie must say goodbye to Jasper.
Conflict: Neither Howie or Jasper want to leave each other.
Subtext: Howie has open his heart again and ready to try love.
Hope/fear: Hope: Howie will be alright. Fear: Broken heart and sadness for Howie.

INT. GREAT ROOM – NIGHT
Scene Arc: Grandma Evie completes the quilt. Jasper readies himself by the chimney. No one knows what is suppose to happen. Howie wraps Jasper in the quilt. Grandma Evie kisses Jasper good bye. Nothing happening. Jasper kicks the fireplace only to replace a cloud of soot into the room. Among the coughing and complaining Howie’s parents walk in.
Essence: The completed Christmas quilt is not the enactment of the Christmas spirit.
Conflict: The quilt doesn’t work. Howie’s parents arrive.
Subtext: Howie’s parents have a change of heart.
Hope/fear: Hope: Howie doesn’t get angry and reconciles. Fear: Howie rejects his parent being here.

INT. GREAT ROOM – NIGHT
Scene Arc: Jasper stops Howie from running off. Howie Howie introduces Jasper as his boyfriend, daring his parents to reject him again. Parents explain they were afraid Howie was going to come out as an elf, not being gay which is fabulous. Coming out as an elf would harm the Keystone Chimney’s magic jeopardizing the family’s duty to protect it. They’re sorry they couldn’t tell him but they do love him. Can Howie forgive them? Howie tells the parents he does love them and forgives them.
Essence: Howie’s parents never meant to hurt him they were trying to protect him from his elf heritage.
Conflict: Howie misunderstands his parents and the family secret.
Subtext: Secrets lead to mistrust
Hope/fear: Hope Howie understands and forgives. Fear: The truth would anger him more

INT. GREAT ROOM – NIGHT
Scene Arc: The gift of family love and unity enacts the Christmas spirit bringing the magical chimney to life. It’s five minutes to midnight. Jasper’s missing. Jasper returns, he can’t find his snowflake pendant it’s key for the chimney to work. Howie gives up the pendant, placing it around Jasper’s neck and hugs goodbye. Jasper dissolves up the chimney just as the clock strikes midnight – Christmas Eve.
Essence: The gift of family love and unity enacts the Christmas spirit bringing the magical chimney to life.
Conflict:Missing pendant. Howie surrenders it.
Subtext: Sacrifice's made.
Hope/fear: Hope: Howie does the right thing. Fear: Howie holds the pendant.

INT. JESUS ROOM – NIGHT
Scene Arc: Howie seeks comfort in Jesús but he can’t be found. Grandpa Evie delivers the news that Jesús has left. Howie’s left emotionally healed with his family but alone again. Grandma Evie comfort him that everything will be okay he’s with family now.
Essence: Howie’s alone with his family on Christmas Eve.
Conflict: Jesús is missing.
Subtext: Emotional healing family togetherness.
Hope/fear: Hope Howie he sees Grandma Evie’s point. Fear: he feels abandoned.

INT. DEPARTMENT STOERE – RETURNS COUNTER – DAY
Scene Arc: Howie’s working the returns counter. Someone hidden behind a gift wrapped box approaches. The person drops the box revealing Jasper! Howie dumfounded as to how? Jasper leads Howie away from inpatient customers. Howie opens the gift – it’s a snow globe of North Pole. Howie shakes it revealing to us…Jesús is working as an elf. He makes a “heart” symbol so Howie can see it. Jasper explains they made a switch approved by Santa.

INT. NORTH POLE – SANTA CASTLE – DAY
Essence: Jesús is working as an elf, having the time of his life making toys.
Conflict: Jesús misses Howie but is enjoying himself
Subtext: finding one’s calling. Seeking happiness.
Hope/fear: Howie os happy for Jesús. Fear: Howie is sad for Jesús.

INT. WINTERBERRY MANOR
Scene Arc: Howie and Jasper receive “the old book” from Grandpa Nick bestowing them as the new custodians of the magic chimney. Howie insist Grandpa Nick keep it. It’s his duty. Nick wants them to further their romance and newfound roles in preserving Bellamy Christmas traditions and secrets. They best succeed or Jesús won’t make it back.Howie kisses Jasper under the mistletoe.

Essence: The Bellamy tradition is passed along to next generation saving the Keystone Chimney and it’s secrets.
Conflict: Argue over his is best to keep traditions going.
Subtext: emotional healing, trust.
Hope/fear:Hope: Howie takes the traditions role. Fear: he doesn’t want to protect the tradition.

[Edward Lusk]

ED'S Intruiging Moments.

MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.

What I learned doing this assignment is I had built in some intriguing moments, however, I did not realize the type of moments they were and how impactful they can be on the story, especially if I can raise the intrigue stakes later on in the scene construction, or add additional moments to the story's structure.

INTRIGUE MOMENTS – MODULE 4 – LESSON 8
Act 1:

Intriguing Element: Hidden identity.
A mysterious figure tumbles down the chimney, covered in soot and wearing an oversized elf hat. Grandpa Nick and Grandma Evie exchange knowing glances, hinting at a deeper understanding of Jasper's true nature.

Intriguing Moment 2: Jasper’s Magical Antics

Intriguing Element: Covert agenda.
Jasper pops up at different counter locations without being seen moving, unsettling Howie. This magical behavior is unnoticed by the other characters but not by the audience, who are intrigued by Jasper's unusual abilities.

Intriguing Moment 3: The Mysterious Snowflake Pendant

Intriguing Element: Mystery.
Howie notices something Jasper must have lost in the scuffle – a snowflake pendant. This object hints at a deeper connection between Jasper and Christmas magic, which Howie finds intriguing.

Intriguing Moment 4: The Grandparents’ Cryptic Conversation
Intriguing Element: Conspiracy.
Howie overhears his grandparents discussing the broken chimney's significance in hushed tones, indicating there is more to the chimney than meets the eye.

Act 2:
Intriguing Element: Cover-up.
Description: Jasper claims to be working as a caregiver for Howie's grandparents. Howie is suspicious, as his grandparents didn’t mention hiring anyone. Grandpa Nick backs up Jasper's story, but Howie remains unconvinced.

Intriguing Element:Secret.
Jesús confesses he orchestrated the incident with the gay couple to break up Howie's toxic relationship and bring him to Winterberry Manor, hoping for a better outcome. He had no idea Jasper would be there.

Intriguing Element:Hidden identity.
Howie sees Jasper’s feet kicking in the air as he is halfway down the chimney. He hears Jasper seemingly talking to others inside the chimney, which Jasper dismisses as an echo.

Intriguing Element: Mystery.
Description: Grandpa Nick explains to Howie that his favorite fireplace is the Keystone Chimney, a magical portal allowing Santa to use all chimneys. The concept of “enactment of the true Christmas spirit” is introduced, but its details remain vague
Act 3
Intriguing Element:Hidden identity.
Jasper’s elf hat falls off, revealing his elfin features. He confesses he really is a North Pole elf stranded at Winterberry Manor due to a mishap while performing maintenance on the magical chimney.

Intriguing Element: Mystery.
The family brainstorms possible enactments of what is the true Christmas spirit, each attempt providing false hope. The true nature of the enactment remains elusive, adding tension and urgency.

Intriguing Element: Conspiracy.
Howie’s parents reveal they rejected him last Christmas not because he was gay but to protect him from revealing his elf heritage and the chimney’s magic.

Intriguing Element: Dilemma.
Jasper contemplates staying with Howie and his family versus returning to the North Pole. This internal conflict is visible to the audience, who understand the stakes better than the characters.

Act 4:

Intriguing Element: Superior position.
The family gathers around the Keystone Chimney, attempting various Christmas spirit enactments. The clock strikes midnight, and the chimney starts to glow, but Jasper is nowhere to be found.

Intriguing Element: Mystery.
Howie realizes he has the snowflake pendant Jasper lost. He places it around Jasper’s neck, completing the necessary elements for the chimney’s magic.

Intriguing Element: Cover-up.
After Jasper’s departure, Howie seeks comfort in Jesús, only to find he has left. Grandpa Evie covers up the fact that Jesús is now at the North Pole, having switched roles with Jasper enabling him to return to Howie.

Intriguing Element: Scheme.
Howie and Jasper receive the old book from Grandpa Nick, bestowing them as the new custodians of the magic chimney. Their role in preserving Christmas traditions is solidified.

[Edward Lusk]

ED'S Emotional Moments.
MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.
What I learned doing this assignment is I never consisered isolating and identidying the types of emotional moments there are in my story. This technique will improve my abilites to raise these moments and engage the audience more in the character's journey.

ACT 1
Surprise: Howie and Jasper's Magical Encounter. Howie accidentally hold’s Jasper's hand, leading to a magical moment where the Christmas tree lights up on its own.

Trigger Their Wounds: Howie's Breakup. – Howie's boyfriend accuses him of flirting with Jasper, leading to a messy and embarrassing public breakup just before they were to leave on Christmas vacation.

Bonding: Howie Comforts Jasper. Howie accidentally sprays Jasper in the face with cologne, burning eye tears fall, among the laughs, leading to a tender moment as Howie tries to comfort Jasper.

Distress: Howie's Emotional Breakdown – After his break up and canceled vacation plans, Howie receives a text from Grandpa Nick inviting him to Winterberry Manor, leaving him feeling lost and distressed over how to spend, or not, the Christmas holiday.

ACT 2
Excitement/Suspense: Howie's Return to Winterberry Manor -Best friend Jesús talks/tricks Howie into accepting Grandpa Nick’s invitation. Howie and Jesús arrive at Winterberry Manor, excited to see his quirky Grandparents who he adores. The festive old place sparks hints of Christmas past nostalgia for Howie while Jesús secret plan to win Howie over is set into motion.

Emotional Dilemma: Howie's Suspicion of Jasper – Howie investigation comes up with no proof that Jasper’s claim that he is his grandparent’s their caregiver raising suspicions as to why he’s really at Winterberry Manor. Howie’s growing attraction to Jasper leaves him conflicted about trusting him given his lack to truthfulness.

Bonding: Howie and Jasper Bake Cookies – Howie and Jasper share a bonding moment while baking Christmas cookies together and sharing their moments of personal rejection. Howie’s sabotaging the bake and Jasper’s cookies still come out fabulous only endears him more to Jasper.

Distress: Howie's Heart-to-Heart with Grandma Evie – Howie confides his fear of being hurt again and his desire to rekindle his belief in magical connections. Grandma Evie listens empathetically, offering wisdom and encouragement, helping Howie confront his vulnerabilities.

ACT 3.
Success/Winning: Howie's Realization – After much soul-searching and guidance from his family and failed conventional attempts to repair the broken magic chimney, Howie realizes that the true enactment of the Christmas spirit involves opening his heart and embracing love and forgiveness. The realization empowers Howie to take action and work towards fixing the magical chimney through making amends with his family.

Hidden Weakness: Jasper's Revelation – Jasper, caught in a vulnerable moment, reveals his true identity as a North Pole elf and explains the significance of the Keystone Chimney. Howie, believes it’s another one of Jesús’s pranks but Jasper's confession of his fears and mistakes exposes his hidden weaknesses showing Howie and Jasper have more in common.

Love: Howie's Confession to Jasper – Howie confesses his growing feelings for Jasper despite him being an elf. Howie acknowledges his fears and past hurts but expresses his desire to be with Jasper. Jasper reveals his own longing for love and acceptance, however complicated by his plans to get back home.

Distress: The Family Confrontation – Howie's parents arrival triggers Howie’s confrontation about past rejections and misunderstandings over his coming out. Howie introduces Jasper as his boyfriend, daring his parents to reject him again.

ACT 4
Courage: Howie Faces His Fear – Howie faces his fear of rejection and performs the "enactment of the true Christmas spirit” by forgiving his parents for not accepting him and forgiving himself for not allowing himself to trust them. Howie tells Jasper he loves him but he must to go home. The family lights candles on the mantel, symbolizing the unity and love of his family. The magical chimney begins to glow, indicating that the true Christmas spirit has been restored.

Sacrifice: Jasper's Departure – Jasper, covered with the new family quilt given to him by Grandma Evie, prepares to leave through the magical chimney. Despite their deep connection to the Bellamy’s, Jasper understands that he must fulfill his duty. As the clock strikes midnight, Jasper disappears up the chimney, leaving Howie heartbroken but understanding the importance of sacrifice.

Love: Howie's Reunion with Jasper – Back at the store, Howie works the returns counter when Jasper, hidden behind a gift-wrapped box, approaches. Jasper reveals himself and asks Howie to come with him. They embrace, and Howie realizes that their love has triumphed. Jasper presents Howie with a snow globe of the North Pole, symbolizing their connection and the magic of their love.
Success/Winning: Howie and Jasper's New Role – Back at Winterberry Manor, Howie and Jasper receive the old book from Grandpa Nick, symbolizing their new role as custodians of the magical chimney. Howie kisses Jasper under the mistletoe, celebrating their love and newfound responsibilities.

[Edward Lusk]

ED'S Reveals.

MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.
What I learned doing this assignment was how setup and reveals can close plot holes, add another layer to story intrigue and they don't all have to be huge OMG moments, some reveals are smaller for the character while more impactful reveals are for the story.

Act 1: Introduction to the Old Ways

Prologue. Christmastime, Winterberry Manor, in the great room Grandpa Nick, leafs through the pages of an old book titled: “Elfin Lore and Other Christmas Tales’ while Grandpa Evie sews a multi-patterned quilt.

A clatter irrupts inside from the fireplace. A cloud of soot rolls forth. Inside the chimney a young man falls landing on his rump. A soot covered face covered in an elf hat with wide mischievous eyes looks back at them. Grandpa Nick and Grandma Evie shake their heads in foreboding dismay.

1. ACT 1 – Beginning: Christmas Chaos at the Fragrance Counter.

In the middle of merrily decorated fragrance counter, HOWIE BELLAMY, 20’s, small in stature with a flair for vests, spritzes samples at unruly customers like six shooters. He fends off complaints with his snarky humor.

A gay couple refers to Howie as an “Elf” due to his fashionable green vest. Howie loudly insults the shopper’s appearance getting the attention of the nearby store Santa and his helper elf over by the North Pole photo castle.

In the middle of the chaos is JASPER FROST, 20’s, strong Nordic features, most of his mischievous face covered by oversized Elf hat. He tries bringing cheer to the crowd handing out candy canes shaped in first name letters. His customer service skills upstaging unsettles Howie, who demands he leaves – now.

Jasper keeps popping at a different counter locations without being seen moving.

Howie anticipates Jasper’s next location and captures Jasper by the hand. It’s a magical moment, eyes meet, breaths stop. The darkened Christmas magically tree blinks on. Howie shocked by the attraction snatches his hand away. Jasper won’t let go. He’s positive they’ve met before trying to coax an admission from Howie.

Jasper gives up on Howie and is charmingly helping the gay couple Howie insulted. Howie accidentally sprays Jasper in the face with cologne. The gay couple knock over a display in a sneezing fit.

Jasper’s on the floor nearly crying from the burning spray. Howie fawns over Jasper righting his wrong. Jasper tries to resemble the fallen display . Store Santa curiously watches the antics in-between gossiping with the helper elf.

2. ACT 1 – Inciting Incident: The Break Up

Howie’s boyfriend, fashionable, arms firmly crossed, looms over Howie’s and Jasper’s tangled predicament. Howie gathers himself trying to convince his boyfriend he’s not flirting.
The misunderstanding escalates. Howie’s suspicious he’s being spied on. The argument catching the shopper’s attention.

The Store Santa, Howie’s best friend JESÚS, 30’s, chubby, intervenes, defends Howie in not so subtle attempt to earn his favor.

Jasper attempts to bring holiday merriment back to the ruckus breaking up the tussle between Santa/Jesus, the BF, and Howie. Jasper stumbles away crashes into a Christmas store display the gay couple just finished restoring.

Howie’s comforts Jasper’s triggering the more of BF’s drama. Howie hold’s back tears as the BF cancels the surprise going away Christmas vacation and they are finished.

Jasper gathers his dignity. Addresses the crowd with a cryptic comment they are all going on the “naughty list” then exits with a ring of the bell on his hat, into the crowd leaving behind oddly polite shoppers.

Howie notices with great intrigue something Jasper must of lost in the scuffle – he picks it up, it’s a snowflake pendant.

Jasper saunters past Christmas store window display showing Santa climbing down a chimney. Jasper’s in wonder as tears roll. Across from him a hardware store sparks an idea.

At the the North Pole Photograph Castle, Howie’s sitting on Santa Jesús’ lap having a smoothie while cursing Christmas. Jesús expresses how much he loves the holiday and making the kids happy. Howie accuses him of lying. He can’t grant wishes. Jesús does his best to sooth his friends jadedness. He’s Santa after all and will grant Howie’s wish.

Howie’s wish is an impossible one – to rediscover love, a notion as phony as Santa Claus.

A text from his Grandpa Nick inviting him to Winterberry Manor for Christmas. Jesús encourages Howie to accept his invitation convincing him it’s better than being alone for Christmas. He’ll drive them up before the storm.

Jasper leaves the hardware with great enthusiasm store loaded down with assorted chimney repair implements.

3. ACT 1 – Turning Point 1: Return to Winterberry Manor

Howie and Jesús arrive at Winterberry Manor. Howie’s disappointed his favorite fireplace now taped off like a crime scene just adding to Howie’s remorse.

Unaware of Howie’s arrival the Grandparents speak softly of the broken chimney’s significance. Howie drops his bag announcing his arrival. Press about the chimney Grandpa Nick explains not this chimney – a children’s fable, the book he’s reading, they were discussing.

Howie’s enters his room surprised by Jasper coming out of the shower wearing his dorky Santa hat and a towel. They mutually gasp in terror of being caught – doing what they are not sure.

Act 2: Exploration and New Challenges

4. New Plan:

Right behind Howie is Jesús who demands what’s going on. Howie agrees, referring to Jasper, what is going on? Jasper supplies he excuse he’s working as a caregiver to his Grandparents. Howie’s not convinced, grandparents didn’t mention it. Grandpa Nick intervenes backing up Jasper’s story but not to Howie’s satisfaction.

Howie’s positive Jasper a scam artist targeting his grandparents. He conspires with Jesús, who’s happy to oblige, finding out all they can about Jasper.

Grandma Evie assures Howie everything is fine and hints at the need for a traditional Christmas and sacrifices must be made leaving Howie wondering what that means. She wants to know if Howie’s got a piece of fabric for her to complete the family Christmas quilt. Howie says to count him out is his attitude hurting Grandma Evie’s feelings.

Howie video calls his sister, GRACE, 30’s, nurturing and empathetic, often seen in comfortable sweaters and jeans. Howie expresses his suspicion something odd is going in here with Jasper and Grandma Evie’s hint to what sacrifices?

Grace reminds him to calm his suspiciousness. She casually inquires if Howie spoken to mom and dad which shuts Howie down. Grace encourages giving Grandma Evie his fabric pieces as it means a lot to her to finish the traditional Christmas quilt.

Jasper and Jesús are doing serious holiday decorating and sharing their mutual celebration for the holiday and its traditions. Jesús is fishing for clues about Jasper, sexual orientation, background, and others for Howie to investigate.

Jasper makes a remark how he’s needs to get back home soon although where home is vague making Jasper’s presence even more mistrustful.

Howie listening to Jasper’s clues, searches online about Jasper. Oddly he doesn’t find a thing about Jasper. All the more reason Howie wants Jasper gone but finds himself conflicted over his attraction to him.

Grandpa Nick delivers the bad news; the storm is too bad for anyone to leave. Jasper hides his desperation by pledging he will help make this Winterberry Christmas the best it has ever been. The thought souring Howie’s disposition making Jasper a target for his spite.

Howie confides with Jesús he will ruin this Christmas making it the worst it has ever been driving Jasper away for good.

Jesús tries to diplomatically talk Howie out of his plan as it’s not fair to his grandparents, however doing something fun with Howie brightens Jesús notion of deeper relationship with Howie.

Jesús confesses the gay couple at the store was a set up orchestrated by him to break up his relationship (toxic) and come to Winterberry Manor. He doesn’t know why he didn’t it seemed a good idea at the time. Jesús had no idea Jasper would be here. Too much of a coincidence.

Howie, alone angry, pages through family photo album of Christmases gone by. Photos show how happy and joyous Howie was along with the Bellamy family being all together.

5. Plan in Action: It’s a Hallmark Christmas disaster

Howie determined to payback Jesús, bakes cookies with Jasper. Howie uses the one on one time to find out why Jasper is not home for Christmas and who his family is. Howie finds attraction in Jasper he hadn’t experienced before.

Jasper alludes to a moment of personal rejection – the reason is vague but resonates with Howie. Jasper bakes the best of Christmas cookie countering Howie’s plans.

Howie’s tells Jasper of his family’s Christmas morning rejection over him being gay – thus his new dislike for the occasion which was his favorite until his family ruined it. Jasper tells Howie it probably was a mistake which riles up Howie breaking up the intimate moment.

Jesús love the holiday is expressed as he and the Grandparents are having a joyful time decorating the tree. Jesús misses his family in Mexico and is grateful to be here, where he is always welcome.

Jesús uses the grandparents as a sounding board on their take of Howie and Jasper. They do seem to get along naturally, which is rare for Howie but Grandpa Nick add Jasper has to get home soon providing mixed singles for Jesús feelings about Howie’s romance endeavors.

Looking out the window, Howie sees Jasper’s feet kicking in the air as he halfway down the chimney! Howie comes to his rescue. He hears what sounds like Jasper talking to others inside the chimney. Howie pulls Jasper out giving them their first moment of closeness. Howie wants to know who Jasper was talking to? Answer is no-one, must be echo inside the brick.

Jasper shares he’s “kind of” responsible for breaking the chimney and sorry because it means so much to Howie that fine it would make Howie happy. Howie commits he will fix the chimney and doesn’t want or need Jasper’s help.

Jasper rejects Howie’s help and metaphorically Howie’s love. The broken chimney is Jasper’s fault and only he alone can fix his mistake.

He hints there is more at stake here than a broken chimney and insinuates if Howie wants to be helpful he should spend more time with his family.

Howie takes pity on Jasper as he admits everyone makes mistakes – his being trusting in those who he loved only to have his trust broken along with his heart. Jasper would not understand that because he’s too over confident in people’s goodwill. Jasper counters – that feeling of being “stranded” is powerful and even some “elves” lack good will.

Howie has a heart to heart talk with Grandma Evie confiding he’s a disillusioned romantic who, under a veneer of Christmas disdain, deeply desires to rekindle his belief in magical, heartfelt connections, if only he knows how to let go of his hurt.

At an impasse, Jesús has a cure for everything blue – it’s Christmas piñata, time…

Jasper, Howie, and Jesús partake in smashing the piñata which is rollicking good fun until hidden jealousy and attraction between Jesús and Howie and Howie and Jasper get a little too competitive. Insinuations fly and somethings should have best be left unsaid.

Howie and Jasper leave in a huff. Jesús, upset, binges on the candy.

Howie interrogates Jesús’s over his jealousy around Jasper bring into question their “just good friends” relationship. Jesús reveals he’s always had deeper feelings for Howie but Howie can’t see it because he’s consumed with mistrust and cynicism keeping everyone away.

Overhearing Howie’s and Jesús’s argument, Jasper tricks Howie and Jesús to show up for an ice skating date on Winterberry pond. It’s beautiful and romantic decorated with twinkling lights. Howie’s suspicious of how Jasper did it, Jesús is too thrilled to care.

Jasper satisfied of his plan working as Jesus and Howie having a great time on the ice.

Jasper returns to trying to fixing the chimney with Grandpa Nick assisting. Jasper believes Howie and Jesús romance should do the trick. There’s not much time left Christmas Eve is tomorrow.

Grandma Evie’s on a video call with Grace reporting good news. It appears Howie and Jesús are hitting it off. Grace is happy about that . She get to Winterberry Manor as soon as she can. Her parents will not be making the journey as they stay in the city.

Based on Howie’s admission Grandma Evie is sure Howie is ready to learns the truth about him. Grace disagrees as its too dangerous if the plan doesn’t work.

Howie’s accuses Jasper of ruining his Christmas – a turn about for Howie’s Christmas hating facade has a crack. He’s upset he can’t drink his hot cocoa with Jasper by his favorite fireplace because it’s broken everything is broken.

Howie’s in his room examining the snowflake pendant. He wishes fall in love and be happy again. The center of the pendant twinkles blue – or did it? Howie’s not completely sure what happened.

6. ACT 2 – Midpoint Turning Point: Jasper’s coming out.

Jasper up on a ladder fiddling with a great clock above the mantel. Grandpa Nick’s reading from that old book and arguing with Jasper about some kind of instructions about when Santa enters a chimney in one part of the world, the Keystone Chimney adjusts the magical pathways clock to ensure he exits at the correct location.

Howie and Jesús return from ice skating, their relationship deepened. They startle Jasper. The ladder sways and Jasper takes a tumble only to be caught by Howie.

Jasper’s Elf hat falls off revealing Jasper has elfin-like features giving Howie and Jesús a fright. Grandma Evie enters with hot coca and cookies. Grandpa Nick slaps his book closed as Evie is just in time to clear the air – so to speak.

Jasper confesses that he is not a caregiver – per se but he is a North Pole elf, stranded here at Winterberry Manor. Jesús enjoys a I knew it” moment.

Jasper defied Santa and left the North Pole unauthorized to perform routine maintenance on the chimney. Usually a task for a senior elf but Jasper wanted to show his elves he’s better than they think – on account he is half-elf. Trouble is he’s not sure exactly how the Keystone Chimney works and his unexpected arrival broke it somehow.

Jesús is absolutely enthralled at the idea that Santa and North Pole exists while Howie thinks this is all another one of Jesús’s set ups. He tries to pull off Jasper’s pointed ears only to give Jasper a little thrill – elves ears are erogenous zones after all.

Howie’s angry Jasper didn’t trust him with the information. Jasper was fearful he’d be rejected for being someone not like them.

Grandpa Nick stops Howie from leaving. Using his big old book he explains Howie’s favorite fireplace is the Keystone Chimney, a magical portal allowing Santa to use all chimneys for his Christmas Eve ingress and egress.

What they are stuck on is repairing the chimney requires a person who must perform an “enactment of the true Christmas spirit” and that person is Howie, who resents the idea given Christmas has not shown him the spirit since he was a little boy. Grandma Evie begs him to reconsider.

On a video call with Grace, talks disbelieving Howie into it performing the “enactment of true Christmas spirit”, although he has no idea exactly what it is he needs to do. Howie discovers Grace has been in on this family conspiracy too. Why is he the last to know and why has she not told him about it? The call goes out before she can answer.

Howie agrees to help Jasper because he deserves it.maybe he will learn something about himself. Grandpa Nick agrees that’s the Bellamy spirit and let’s begin, not time to waste.

Grandpa Nick says it settled then. The Keystone chimney must be fixed and they are all going to chip in and figure it out.

Act 3: Reevaluation and Conflict: How to save Christmas in 24 hours.

7. Rethink Everything:

Everyone brain storming clues feed to them from Grandpa Nick using his big book on Christmas magic. The fun stops when Howie watches a TikTok of his Ex-Boyfriend promoting a fragrance Howie created pushing Howie to shut down hating his life – again.

He storms off committed to not loving anyone for anything ever again.

Jasper comforts Howie over the betrayal using a little magic turning his room into what it was like as a child. It can’t be just anyone who performs the enactment – it has to be someone connected to the North Pole and Howie is that person but must open up his heart to do so.

Howie has not connection to the North Pole and he does not want Jasper to leave. He’s falling in love with him.

Jasper confesses to Howie a story about young Howie no one else would ever know except him. Jasper knows this because both Jasper and Howie were North Pole elves.

Howie being part elf and human “escaped’ the North Pole using the Chimney and left Jasper behind. He didn’t know how to get back. His parents adopted him. The truth is Jasper came back to Winterberry for Howie, it wasn’t to make the repair after all.

Howie confronts Grandpa Nick on this new development. He tells the tale: Bellamy’s have protected the chimney for generations because one special Christmas Eve a Bellmay, grandpa’s grandpa, accidentally met Santa coming down the chimney. A Christmas act no one has ever witnessed. The young Bellamy gave Santa a present endearing them to Santa and his legacy forever.

Jasper shows Howie how he has magical ability by has locked up magical potential but only true love can set it free. It’s dangerous to keep his resentfulness locked up. Jasper misused his magic and look where it got him – back with his best childhood friend Howie.

Howie takes this news all in stride and comes to the disappointing conclusion about Jasper – so you’re not gay? Jasper insists indeed he is as all North Pole elves are by their nature – gay.

Jesús pushes his personal agenda that it’s time to get Jasper home and out of the way.

8. Turning Point: Howie’s dilemma.

The Keystone chimney mantel clock strikes 8 PM Christmas Eve.

Howie’s panicking and his suspicion returns. He can live without Christmas but not without Jasper. Is sending Jasper back to the North Pole the “enactment of the true Christmas spirit” he must perform?

Grandpa Nick and Jasper truly don’t know what the “enactment of Christmas spirit” is and he. Perhaps it is best to quickly try everything?

To prove Jasper wrong – Howie will complete in rapid fashion enactments of what he thinks are true enactments of the Christmas spirit: decorating the tree, caroling, gift exchanges? All providing false hope he’s doing the right thing.

They all gather around the Keystone Fireplace, Jasper tries exiting via the chimney only to be met by soot – leading to accusations. Jesús – Howie hates Christmas and purposely did not fix it so Jasper would stay. Jasper – it was Jesús who sabotaged it. Jesús, would never because he wants Jasper to go home so he and Howie are together.

There is mistrust and renewed hurt feelings.

Grandma Evie has an idea for Howie. Change in tactics, what scares him the most – focusing on the chimney or addressing family issues? Howie apologies and gives Evie his vest for her quilt. Jasper gives her his elf hat and Jesús his Santa Hat??? Evie sews frantically trying to complete the memory quilt as the “enactment.”

Grace arrives just in time. She’s looks into the matter from a different angle. The chimney will work, as they know requires the enactment of true Christmas spirit and one more thing – guessing that the giving of a special present reacting that memorable Christmas Eve with Santa. They are about to try when…

Howie’s parents arrive. Howie introduces Jasper as his boyfriend, daring his parents to reject him again. Jasper’s proud and in love with Howie and conflicted about staying with Howie, or going home where he’s not loved but needed. Howie’s parents understand Jasper’s plight upsetting Howie. They don’t understand his?

Grandma Evie struggles with completing the quilt and the unresolved family rift and can’t take it anymore. Howie accepts his parent’s their role Howie’s life was protecting him from the chimney magic he did not understand.

Howie’s parents beg Howie to listen for a change. Howie’s shut them never giving them a chance to explain. They cut Howie off last Christmas thinking he was about to reveal he knew about his elf heritage, not being gay, which is not an issue. Coming out as an elf would harm the Keystone chimney’s magic jeopardizing the family’s duty to protect it.

Jasper contemplates staying with Howie and his family versus returning to the North Pole who are not like the family to him like the Bellamys are. Maybe there’s more to Christmas than Santa and presents prompting Jesús to faint.

Act 4: Climax and Resolution: Tears and soot

9. Climax/Ultimate Expression of Conflict:

Howie reconciles with his parents, forgiving them for their rejection understanding it was their fear of losing him to the elf world not because he’s gay. Howie has not reason to hate Christmas, it is part of who he is.

The Bellamays light a candles on the mantel. The gift of family love and unity enacts the Christmas spirit bringing the magical chimney to life.

Where’s Jasper? The chimney glows, coming to life but Jasper’s no where to be found. The mantel clock begins to chime MIDNIGHT.

Jasper returns apologizing he needed to take care of something. He can’t find his pendant his pendant the symbol of the original Santa gift for the chimney to work.

Howie realizes he has the snowflake pendant Jasper lost at the fragrance counter. Howie places it around Jasper’s neck. Grandpa Evie covers Jasper with the new family quilt. It will be cold at the North Pole. She kisses him goodbye.

Jasper dissolves up the chimney just as the clock strikes midnight – Christmas Eve.

Howie seeks comfort in Jesús but he can’t be found either. Grandpa Evie delivers the news that Jesús has left. Howie’s left emotionally healed with his family but alone again.

10. Resolution: Magic under the mistletoe

Howie is back at the store pleasantly working the returns counter. His curiosity peaked when someone hidden behind a gift wrapped box approaches him.

The person drops the box revealing Jasper! He asks Howie to come with him. Again Howie leaves inpatient customers behind but on much better terms.

Howie opens the gift – it’s a snow globe of North Pole. Howie shakes it revealing to us…

In the globe we see Jesús working as a North Pole elf. He happily waves to Howie and Jasper showing them and the audience he’s found a new happy place. Jasper explains Jesús is “on loan” the role switch was approved by the big man (Santa) as his gift to Howie for fixing the chimney. Now they can be together until they figure something else out.

Back at Winterberry Manor, Howie and Jasper receive “the old book” from Grandpa Nick bestowing them as the new custodians of the magic chimney furthering their romance and newfound roles in preserving Christmas traditions.

Howie kisses Jasper under the mistletoe. (Or some action less conventional)

[Edward Lusk]

ED'S Characters take action!
MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.
What I learned doing this assignment is by focusing on the character's action, my visual conception of the story becomes clearer. It should help me write my scenes more visually and succinctly.

Act 1: Introduction to the Old Ways

Prologue. Christmastime, Winterberry Manor, in the great room Grandpa Nick, leafs through the pages of an old book titled: “Elfin Lore and Other Christmas Tales’ while Grandpa Evie sews a multi-patterned quilt.

A clatter irrupts inside from the fireplace. A cloud of soot rolls forth. Inside the chimney a young man falls landing on his rump. A soot covered face with wide mischievous eyes looks back at them. Grandpa Nick and Grandma Evie shake their heads in foreboding dismay.

1. Beginning: Christmas Chaos at the Fragrance Counter.

In the middle of merrily decorated fragrance counter, HOWIE BELLAMY, 20’s, small in stature with a flair for vests, spritzes samples at unruly customers like six shooters. He fends off complaints with his snarky humor.

A gay couple refers to Howie as an “Elf” due to his fashionable green vest. Howie loudly insults the shopper’s appearance getting the attention of the nearby store Santa ruling over the North Pole photo castle.

In the middle of the chaos is JASPER FROST, 20’s, strong Nordic features, most of his mischievous face covered by oversized Santa hat. He tries bringing cheer to the crowd handing out candy canes shaped in first name letters, his upstaging unsettles Howie.

Jasper keeps popping at a different counter locations without being seen moving.

Howie anticipates Jasper’s next location and captures Jasper by the hand. It’s a magical moment, eyes meet, breaths stop. The darkened Christmas magically tree blinks on. Howie shocked by the attraction snatches his hand away. Jasper won’t let go. He’s positive they’ve met before trying to coax an admission from Howie.

Jasper gives up on Howie and is charmingly helping the gay couple Howie insulted. Howie accidentally sprays Jasper in the face with cologne. The gay couple knock over a display in a sneezing fit.

Jasper’s on the floor nearly crying from the burning spray. Howie fawns over Jasper righting his wrong. Jasper tries to resemble the fallen display . Store Santa curiously watches the antics in-between gossiping with the helper elf.

2. Inciting Incident: The Break Up

Howie’s boyfriend, fashionable, arms firmly crossed, looms over Howie’s and Jasper’s tangled predicament. Howie gathers himself trying to convince his boyfriend he’s not flirting.
The misunderstanding escalates. Howie’s suspicious he’s being spied on. The argument catching the shopper’s attention.

The Store Santa, Howie’s best friend JESÚS, 30’s, chubby, intervenes, defends Howie in not so subtle attempt to earn his favor.

Jasper attempts to bring holiday merriment back to the ruckus breaking up the tussle between Santa/Jesus, the BF, and Howie. Jasper stumbles away crashes into a Christmas store display the gay couple just finished restoring.

Howie’s comforts Jasper’s triggering the more of BF’s drama. Howie hold’s back tears as the BF cancels the surprise going away Christmas vacation and they are finished.

Jasper gathers his dignity. Addresses the crowd with a cryptic comment they are all going on the “naughty list” then exits with a ring of the bell on his hat, into the crowd leaving behind oddly polite shoppers.

Howie notices with great intrigue something Jasper must of lost in the scuffle – he picks it up, it’s a snowflake pendant.

3. Turning Point 1: Return to Winterberry Manor

Jasper saunters past Christmas store window display showing Santa climbing down a chimney. Jasper’s in wonder as tears roll. Across from him a hardware store sparks an idea.

At the the North Pole Photograph Castle, Howie’s sitting on Santa Jesús’ lap having a smoothie while cursing Christmas. Jesús expresses how much he loves the holiday and making the kids happy. Howie accuses him of lying. He can’t grant wishes. Jesús does his best to sooth his friends jadedness. He’s Santa after all and will grant Howie’s wish.

Howie’s wish is an impossible one – to rediscover love, a notion as phony as Santa Claus.

A text from his Grandpa Nick inviting him to Winterberry Manor for Christmas. Jesús encourages Howie to accept his invitation convincing him it’s better than being alone for Christmas. He’ll drive them up before the storm.

Jasper leaves the hardware store loaded down with assorted implements.

Howie and Jesús arrive at Winterberry Manor. Howie’s favorite fireplace now taped off like a crime scene just adding to Howie’s remorse.

Unaware of Howie’s arrival the Grandparents speak softly of the broken chimney’s significance. Howie drops his bag announcing his arrival. Press about the chimney Grandpa Nick explains not this chimney – a children’s fable, the book he’s reading, they were discussing.

Act 2: Exploration and New Challenges

4. New Plan:

Howie’s enters his room surprised by Jasper coming out of the shower wearing his dorky Santa hat and a towel. They mutually gasp in terror of being caught – doing what they are not sure.

Right behind Howie is Jesús who demands what’s going on. Howie agrees, referring to Jasper, what is going on? Jasper supplies he excuse he’s working as a caregiver to his Grandparents. Howie’s not convinced, grandparents didn’t mention it. Grandpa Nick intervenes backing up Jasper’s story but not to Howie’s satisfaction.

Howie’s positive Jasper a scam artist targeting his grandparents. He conspires with Jesús, who’s happy to oblige, finding out all they can about Jasper.

Grandma Evie assures Howie everything is fine and hints at the need for a traditional Christmas and sacrifices must be made leaving Howie wondering what that means. She wants to know if Howie’s got a piece of fabric for her to complete the family Christmas quilt. Howie says to count him out is his attitude hurting Grandma Evie’s feelings.

Howie video calls his sister, GRACE, 30’s, nurturing and empathetic, often seen in comfortable sweaters and jeans. Howie expresses his suspicion something going in here with Jasper and Grandma Evie’s sacrifices?

Grace cautions him on his suspiciousness. She casually inquires if Howie spoken to mom and dad which shuts Howie down. Grace encourages giving Grandma Evie his fabric pieces as it means a lot to her.

Jasper and Jesús are doing serious holiday decorating and sharing their mutual celebration for the holiday and its traditions. Jesús is fishing for clues about Jasper, sexual orientation, background, and others for Howie to investigate.

Jasper makes a remark how he’s needs to get back home soon although where home is vague making Jasper’s presence even more mistrustful.

Howie listening to Jasper’s clues, searches online about Jasper. Oddly he doesn’t find a thing about Jasper. All the more reason Howie wants Jasper gone but finds himself conflicted over his attraction to him.

Grandpa Nick delivers the bad news; the storm is too bad for anyone to leave. Jasper hides his need to leave desperation by pledging he will help make this Winterberry Christmas the best it has ever been. The thought souring Howie’s disposition making Jasper a target for his spite.

Howie confides with Jesús he will ruin this Christmas making it the worst it has ever been driving Jasper away for good. Jesús tries to diplomatically talk Howie out of his plan as it’s not fair to his grandparents, however doing something fun with Howie brightens Jesús notion of deeper relationship with Howie.

Howie pages through family photo album of Christmases gone by. Photos show how happy and joyous Howie was along with the Bellamy family being all together.

5. Plan in Action: It’s a Hallmark Christmas disaster

Howie and Jasper bake cookies while Howie uses the one on one time to find out why Jasper is not home for Christmas and who his family is.

Jasper alludes to a moment of personal rejection – the reason is vague but resonates with Howie. Jasper bakes the best of Christmas cookie countering Howie’s plans.

Howie’s tells Jasper of his family’s Christmas morning rejection over him being gay – thus his new dislike for the occasion which was his favorite until his family ruined it. Jasper tells Howie it probably was a mistake which riles up Howie breaking up the intimate moment.

Jesús love the holiday is expressed as he and the Grandparents are having a joyful time decorating the tree. Jesús misses his family in Mexico and is grateful to be here, where he is always welcome.

Jesús uses the grandparents as a sounding board on their take of Howie and Jasper. They do seem to get along naturally, which is rare for Howie but Grandpa Nick add Jasper has to get home soon providing mixed singles for Jesús feelings about Howie’s romance endeavors.

Looking out the window, Howie sees Jasper’s feet kicking in the air as he halfway down the chimney! Howie comes to his rescue. He hears what sounds like Jasper talking to others inside the chimney. Howie pulls Jasper out giving them their first moment of closeness. Howie wants to know who Jasper was talking to? Answer is no-one, must be echo inside the brick.

Jasper shares he’s “kind of” responsible for breaking the chimney and sorry because it means so much to Howie that fine it would make Howie happy. Howie commits he will fix the chimney and doesn’t want or need Jasper’s help.

Jasper rejects Howie’s help and metaphorically Howie’s love. The broken chimney is Jasper’s fault and only he alone can fix his mistake. He hints there is more at stake here than a broken chimney and insinuates if Howie wants to be helpful he should spend more time with his family which does not endearing.

Howie takes pity on Jasper as he admits everyone makes mistakes – his being trusting in those who he loved only to have his trust broken along with his heart. Jasper would not understand that because he’s too over confident in people’s goodwill.

Howie has a heart to heart talk with Grandma Evie reveals he’s a disillusioned romantic who, under a veneer of Christmas disdain, deeply desires to rekindle his belief in magical, heartfelt connections, if only he knows how.

At an impasse, Jesús has a cure for everything blue – it’s Christmas piñata, time…

Jasper, Howie, and Jesús partake in smashing the piñata which is rollicking good fun until hidden jealousy and attraction between Jesús and Howie and Howie and Jasper get a little too competitive. Jesús binges on the candy while Howie and Jasper leave in a huff.

Howie interrogates Jesús’s over his jealousy around Jasper bring into question their “just good friends” relationship. Jesús reveals he’s always had deeper feelings for Howie but Howie can’t see it because he’s consumed with mistrust and cynicism keeping everyone away.

Overhearing Howie’s and Jesús’s argument, Jasper tricks Howie and Jesús to show up for an ice skating date on Winterberry pond. It’s beautiful and romantic decorated with twinkling lights. Howie’s suspicious of how Jasper did it, Jesús is too thrilled to care.

Jasper satisfied of his plan working as Jesus and Howie having a great time on the ice.

Jasper returns to trying to fixing the chimney with Grandpa Nick assisting. Jasper believes Howie and Jesús romance should do the trick. There’s not much time left Christmas Eve is tomorrow.

Grandma Evie’s on a video call with Grace reporting good news. It appears Howie and Jesús are hitting it off. Grace is happy about that . She get to Winterberry Manor as soon as she can. Her parents will not be making the journey as they stay in the city.

Based on Howie’s admission Grandma Evie is sure Howie is ready to learns the truth about him. Grace disagrees as its too dangerous if the plan doesn’t work.

Howie’s accuses Jasper of ruining his Christmas – a turn about for Howie’s Christmas hating facade has a crack. He’s upset he can’t drink his hot cocoa with Jasper by his favorite fireplace because it’s broken everything is broken.

Howie’s in his room examining the snowflake pendant. He wishes fall in love and be happy again. The center of the pendant twinkles blue – or did it? Howie’s not completely sure what happened.

6. Midpoint Turning Point: Jasper’s coming out.

Jasper up on a ladder fiddling with a great clock above the mantel. Grandpa Nick’s reading from that old book of his some kind of instructions about when Santa enters a chimney in one part of the world, the Keystone Chimney adjusts the magical pathways to ensure he exits at the correct location.

Howie and Jesús return from ice skating, their relationship deepened. They startle Jasper. The ladder sways and Jasper takes a tumble only to be caught by Howie.

Jasper’s Santa hat falls off revealing Jasper has elfin-like features giving Howie and Jesús a fright. Grandma Evie enters with hot coca and cookies. Grandpa Nick slaps his book closed as Evie is just in time to clear the air – so to speak.

Jasper confesses that he is not a caregiver – per se but he is a North Pole elf, stranded here at Winterberry Manor.

Jasper defied Santa and left the North Pole unauthorized to perform routine maintenance on the chimney. Usually a task for a senior elf but Jasper wanted to show his elves he’s better than they think – on account he is half-elf. Trouble is he’s not sure exactly how the Keystone Chimney works and his unexpected arrival broke it somehow.

Jesús is absolutely enthralled at the idea that Santa and North Pole exists while Howie thinks this is all a Bellamy prank. He tries to pull off Jasper’s ears only to give Jasper a little thrill – elves ears are erogenous zones after all.

Howie storms out stating if you can’t trust your family who can you trust? They can have their little fun without him.

Grandpa Nick stops Howie, asking him to sit. Using his big old book he explains Howie’s favorite fireplace is the Keystone Chimney, a magical portal allowing Santa to use all chimneys for his Christmas Eve ingress and egress.

What they are stuck on is repairing the chimney requires a person who must perform an “enactment of the true Christmas spirit” and that person is Howie, who resents the idea given Christmas has not shown him the spirit since he was a little boy. Grandma Evie begs him to reconsider.

On a video call with Grace, talks disbelieving Howie into it performing the “enactment of true Christmas spirit”, although he has no idea exactly what it is he needs to do. Howie discovers Grace has been in on this family conspiracy too. Why is he the last to know and why has she not told him about it? The call goes out before she can answer.

Howie agrees to help only because maybe he will learn something about himself. Grandpa Nick agrees that’s the Bellamy spirit and let’s begin, not time to waste.

Grandpa Nick says it settled then. The Keystone chimney must be fixed and they are all going to chip in and figure it out.

Act 3: Reevaluation and Conflict: How to save Christmas in 24 hours.

7. Rethink Everything:

Everyone brain storming clues feed to them from Grandpa Nick using his big book on Christmas magic. The fun stops when Howie watches a TikTok of his Ex-Boyfriend promoting a fragrance Howie created pushing Howie to shut down hating his life – again.

He storms off committed to not loving anyone for anything ever again.

Jasper comforts Howie over the betrayal using a little magic. It can’t be just anyone who performs the enactment – it has to be someone connected to the North Pole and Howie is that person but must open up his heart to do so. Howie has not connection to the North Pole.

Wrong! Jasper tells Howie a story about young Howie no one else would ever know except Howie. Jasper knows this because both Jasper and Howie were North Pole elves.

Howie being part elf and human “escaped’ the North Pole using the Chimney and left Jasper behind. He didn’t know how to get back. The Bellamy’s adopted him. The truth is Jasper came back to Winterberry for Howie, it wasn’t to make the repair after all.

Grandpa Nick confirms the Bellamy’s have protected the chimney for generations because one special Christmas Eve a Bellmay, grandpa’s grandpa, accidentally met Santa coming down the chimney. A Christmas act no one has ever witnessed. The young Bellamy gave Santa a present endearing them to Santa and his legacy forever.

Jasper shows Howie how he has magical ability by has locked up magical potential but only true love can set it free. It’s dangerous to keep his resentfulness locked up. Jasper misused his magic and look where it got him – back with his best childhood friend Howie.

Howie takes this news all in stride and comes to the disappointing conclusion about Jasper – so you’re not gay? Jasper insists indeed he is as all North Pole elves are by their nature – gay.

Howie doesn’t believe he’s who Jasper says he is. Coaxed in to experiment with Jesús whose feeling left out now that his chances with Howie are gone. Howie hugs Jesús. It not ordinary hug. Jesús experience a comfort and warmth making him feel feel cozy and safe.

Jesús pushes his personal agenda that it’s time to get Jasper home and out of the way.

8. Turning Point: Howie’s dilemma.

The Keystone chimney mantel clock strikes 8 PM Christmas Eve.

Howie’s panicking and his suspicion returns. Why should he help out if success will send Jasper away but save Christmas? He can live without Christmas but not without Jasper. Is sending Jasper back to the North Pole the “enactment of the true Christmas spirit” he must perform?

Grandpa Nick confirms “chimney book” does not say what the “enactment is” and he surely does not know. Jasper doesn’t know, but a senior elf would. Perhaps it is best to quickly try everything?

To prove Jasper wrong – Howie will complete in rapid fashion enactments of what he thinks are true enactments of the Christmas spirit: decorating the tree, caroling, gift exchanges? All providing false hope he’s doing the right thing.

Jasper Off of Howie’s accomplishments tries exiting via the chimney only to be met by soot – leading to accusations. Jesús – Howie hates Christmas and purposely did not fix it so Jasper would stay. Jasper – it was Jesús who sabotaged it. Jesús, would never because he wants Jasper to go home so he and Howie are together. There is mistrust and renewed hurt feelings.

Grandma Evie has an idea for Howie. Change in tactics, what scares him the most – focusing on the chimney or addressing family issues? Howie apologies and gives Evie his vest for her quilt. Jasper gives her his Santa hat and Jesús his ??? Evie sews frantically trying to complete the memory quilt as the “enactment.”

Grace arrives just in time. She’s looks into the matter from a different angle. The chimney will work, as they know requires the enactment of true Christmas spirit and one more thing – guessing that the giving of a special present reacting that memorable Christmas Eve with Santa. They are about to try when…

Howie’s parents arrive. Howie introduces Jasper as his boyfriend, daring his parents to reject him again. Jasper’s proud and conflicted about staying with Howie who loves him, or going home where he’s not appreciated.

Grandma Evie struggles with completing the quilt and the unresolved family rift and can’t take it anymore. Howie learns from his parent’s their role Howie’s life was protecting him from the chimney magic he did not understand.

Howie’s parents beg Howie to listen for a change. Howie’s shut them never giving them a chance to explain. They cut Howie off last Christmas thinking he was about to reveal he knew about his elf heritage, not being gay, which is not an issue. Coming out as an elf would harm the Keystone chimney’s magic jeopardizing the family’s duty to protect it.

Jasper contemplates staying with Howie and his family versus returning to the North Pole who are not like the family to him like the Bellamys are.

Act 4: Climax and Resolution: Tears and soot

9. Climax/Ultimate Expression of Conflict:

Howie reconciles with his parents, forgiving them for their rejection understanding it was their fear of losing him to the elf world not because he’s gay. Howie has not reason to hate Christmas, it is part of his legacy.

The Bellamay light a candle on the mantel. The gift of family love and unity enacts the Christmas spirit bringing the magical chimney to life.

Where’s Jasper? The chimney comes to life but Jasper’s no where to be found. The mantel clock begins to chime MIDNIGHT.

Jasper returns apologizing he needed to take care of something. He can’t find his pendant his pendant the symbol of the original Santa gift for the chimney to work.

Howie realizes he has the snowflake pendant Jasper lost at the fragrance counter. Howie places it around Jasper’s neck. Grandpa Evie covers Jasper with the quilt. It will be cold at the North Pole. She kisses him goodbye.

Jasper dissolves up the chimney just as the clock strikes midnight – Christmas Eve.

Howie seeks comfort in Jesús but he can’t be found either. Grandpa Evie delivers the news that Jesús has left. Howie’s left emotionally healed with his family but alone again.

10. Resolution: Magic under the mistletoe

Howie is back at the store pleasantly working the returns counter. His curiosity peaked when someone hidden behind a gift wrapped box approaches him.

The person drops the box revealing Jasper! He asks Howie to come with him. Again Howie leaves inpatient customers behind but on much better terms.

Howie opens the gift – it’s a snow globe of North Pole. Howie shakes it revealing to us…

In the globe we see Jesús working as a North Pole elf. He happily waves to Howie and Jasper showing them and the audience he’s found a new happy place. Jasper explains Jesús is “on loan” the role switch was approved by the big man (Santa) as his gift to Howie for fixing the chimney. Now they can be together until they figure something else out.

Back at Winterberry Manor, Howie and Jasper receive “the old book” from Grandpa Nick bestowing them as the new custodians of the magic chimney furthering their romance and newfound roles in preserving Christmas traditions.

Howie Kisses Jasper under the mistletoe.

[Edward Lusk]

ED'S New Outline Beats.

MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.

What I learned doing this assignment is by working backward I can see more clearly there's a need to increase set-up opportunities to give reveals more punch. I've not written the strongest reveals yet, some are still too conventional but I understand a better process to get there.

Act 1: Introduction to the Old Ways

Prologue. Grandpa Nick, leafing through the pages of a large old book and Grandpa Evie knitting in the great room of Winterberry Manor. Suddenly there’s a clatter coming from the fireplace. A cloud of soot engulfs the room. In the middle of the cloud a blackened face with only the wide mischievous eyes of young man’s face.

1. Beginning: Christmas Chaos at the Fragrance Counter.

Howie PJ 1 : Is spritzing samples like six shooters, fending off customer complaints using snarky humor as a defense mechanism.
A customer refers to Howie as an “Elf” because of his fashionable green vest, which really gets under Howie’s skin. Howie insults the shopper getting the attention of the store Santa.

Jasper AJ 1: Jasper to the rescue. Appearing as if out of nowhere, Jasper’s at the counter. He thinks elves are cute. He’s far too merry for Howie’s comfort, hidden under his oversized Santa hat, and sharing a fondness for vests!

Howie PJ 2: A spark of curiosity, annoyance with reluctant attraction to Jasper. Caught in a dilemma to keep flirting or help the increasingly impatient customers. Howie pulls himself away helps other customers cracking jokes along the way.

Jasper AJ 2: mysteriously moves to the other side of the counter. Howie looks confused, glancing around, trying to figure out how Jasper moved so quickly. Jasper’s enjoying the chaos around him, taking over, making spot on recommendations to customer’s.

Howie PJ 3: Howie returns to help Jasper except now he’s resentful of Jasper’s success and charms. Howie assumes is flirting with another man. Howie takes up Midnight Journey, stating it’s his boyfriend’s favorite, and accidentally sprays Jasper in the face with it.

Japer PJ 3: Sneezing fit from the spray. No that’s definitely not the one but Jasper wants to know about Howie. In-between sneezes he’s definitely sure they’ve met before.

2. Inciting Incident: The Break Up

Howie PJ 4: Howie hides his unintentional flirt from his boyfriend who’s just showed up. Howie thinks he’s being spied on distrust BF’s motives. An argument ensues. The Store Santa (Howie’s best friend, Jesús) intervenes, tussling with the BF, trying to win Howie’s favor.

Jasper AJ 4: Overly sorry for the misunderstanding attempts to bring holiday merriment back to the ruckus breaking up the fight between Santa and the BF but it’s too late. Jasper crashes into a Christmas store display.

Howie PJ 5: Howie’s goes to comfort Jasper’s triggering the BF’s drama. Howie hold’s back tears as the BF cancels the surprise going away for Christmas holiday, and they are finished!

Jasper AJ 5: Makes a cryptic comment about them all being on the “naughty list” and gathers his dignity disappears into the crowd, leaving behind now oddly polite shoppers.

Howie PJ 6: Quits his job on the spot.

3. Turning Point 1: Return to Winterberry Manor
Jasper AJ 6: Passes Christmas store window display of Santa climbing down a chimney . Jasper’s nearly childlike in wonder yet saddened by it. In the glass reflection across from him a hardware store and a spark of an idea.

Howie PJ 7: At the the North Pole Photograph Castle, Howie sitting on Santa Jesús’ lap. Howie curses Christmas and his chain of misfortune. He receives a text from his Grandpa Nick inviting him to Winterberry Manor for Christmas. Jesús encourages Howie to accept his invitation convincing him it’s better than being alone for Christmas.

Jasper AJ 7: Jasper leaves the hardware store loaded down with assorted implements.

Howie PJ 8: Arrival at Winterberry Manor. Grandpa Nick and Grandma Evie cleaning up a big mess around the Howie’s favorite fireplace hearth. Howie presses them what he over hears them hinting at the broken chimney’s significance not this chimney – a children’s fable they were discussing.

Act 2: Exploration and New Challenges

4. New Plan: Jasper must go.

Jasper AJ 8: Surprises Howie while he is trying to fix the chimney. Covers for his presence at Winterberry Manor as he is working as a caregiver to his Grandparents.

Howie PJ 9: He’s positive Jasper a scam artist targeting his grandparents, who never mentioned his employment. Conspires with Jesús to find out all he can about him. Grandpa Nick assures Howie everything is fine and hints at the need for a traditional Christmas and sacrifices must be made leaving Howie wondering what that means.

Jasper AJ 9: He and Jesús doing serious holiday decorating and sharing their love for the holiday and its traditions. Jesús is fishing for clues about Jasper, sex orientation and others for Howie. Jasper makes a remark how he’s needs to get back home but can’t confusing Jesús as to where is home?

Howie PJ 10: Listening to Jesús feed Jim Jasper clues, searches online about Jasper. He doesn’t find a thing about Jasper – very odd. Howie wants Jasper gone but is conflicted over his attraction to him. He must be gay – right?

Jasper AJ 10: Invited by Grandpa Nick to stay. The storms too bad for him to leave so he will stay and help make this Winterberry Christmas the best it has ever been.

Howie PJ 11: He will counter Jasper’s efforts and ruin this Christmas making it the worst it has ever been driving Jasper away for good.

5. Plan in Action: It’s a Hallmark Christmas disaster

Howie PJ 12: Christmas cookie baking gone wrong. He tries to find out why Jasper is not home for Christmas.

Jasper AJ12: Alludes to a moment of rejection – the reason is somewhat vague. He makes the best of Christmas cookie baking countering Howie’s plans. Learns of Howie’s family Christmas day rejection over him being gay – thus his dislike for the occasion.

Howie PJ 13: Finds Jasper on the roof fixing the chimney. He volunteers to help Jasper fix the chimney.

Jasper AJ 13. Rejects Howie’s help and metaphorically Howie’s love. This is Jasper’s fault it is broken and only he alone can fix his mistake. He hints there is more at stake here than a broken chimney.

Howie PJ 14: Takes pity on Jasper as he admits everyone makes mistakes – his being trusting in those who he loved only to have his trust broken along with his heart.

Jasper AJ 14: Jasper has a cure for everything blue – it’s snowball fight…

Jasper, Howie, and Jesús partake in a snowball fight which is rollicking good fun until hidden jealousy and attraction between Jesús and Howie and Howie and Jasper get a little too competitive.

Howie PJ 15: Howie interrogates Jesús’s over his jealousy around Jasper bring into question their “just good friends” relationship. Jesús reveals he’s always had deeper feelings for Howie.

Jasper AJ 15: Overhearing Howie and Jesús, Jasper pushes for Howie to pursuit Jesús’s attraction as Jasper hints he’s not going to be around for much longer – he hopes.

Howie PJ 16: expresses hurt over Jasper’s rejection. His heart to heart with Grandma Evie reveals he’s a disillusioned romantic who, under a veneer of Christmas disdain, deeply desires to rekindle his belief in magical, heartfelt connections. Grandma Evie hopes for family healing and encourages Howie to reach out to his parents, though he resists. She subtly hints at secrets about Howie's true past and their family legacy.

Howie PJ17: Howie’s accuses Jasper of ruining his Christmas – a turn about for Howie’s Christmas hating facade has a crack. He’s upset he can’t drink his hot cocoa with Jasper by his favorite fireplace because it’s broken.

6. Midpoint Turning Point: Jasper’s coming out.

Jasper AJ 17: In an attempt to repair the fireplace to placate Howie, Jasper takes a tumble. His ridiculous Santa hat falls off revealing is elfin-like appearance.

Howie PJ 18: Howie wants out of all Winterberry Manor drama- now. Jasper begs him to stay. Howie demands an explanation as to what is going on.

Jasper AJ 18: Using Grandpa Nick’s old book, shows Howie he’s a North Pole elf explaining the magical chimney is the main portal allowing Santa to use all chimneys for his Christmas Eve ingress and egress. Jasper left the NP to fix the chimney and show the other elves his worth but has failed. Christmas is in peril.

Howie PJ 19: Takes this info all in stride but what he really wants to know is if Jasper is gay or not, and what does any of this have to do with him?

Jasper AJ 19: Of course he is gay – he’s an elf and all elves are gay by their nature. A person pure of heart must perform an “enactment of the true Christmas spirit” for the chimney to be repaired.

Act 3: Reevaluation and Conflict: How to save Christmas in 24 hours.

7. Rethink Everything:
Howie: PJ 20: He sees on TikTok his Ex-Boyfriend promoting a fragrance Howie created pushing Howie to shut down hating his life – again. He is not loving anyone for anything ever again.

Jasper AJ 20: It can’t be just anyone who performs the genuine act – it has to be someone connected to the North Pole and Howie is that person but must open up his heart to do so. Using Granda Nick’s old book he shows Howie he’s part-elf, explaining his connection to Christmas magic and Jasper.

Howie PJ 20: Luckily he’s not connected to NP until he learns his grandparents and their parents have protected Christmas magic for generations. They are unique family with half elf and half human bloodlines.

Jasper AJ 21: Howie has locked up magical potential but only true love can set it free. It’s dangerous for him otherwise. Jasper misused his and look where he is now.

Howie PJ 21: Comes to realize his family’s misunderstood over his coming out last Christmas. thinking he was revealing his elf heritage, not being gay, which is not an issue. He would be lost to the North Pole forever as an “out elf.”

8. Turning Point: Howie doesn’t see that coming.

Jasper AJ 22: Confesses he’s had feelings for Howie since their childhood North Pole meeting. He’s never forgotten him. And now it looks like they are stuck together.

Howie PJ22: Suspicion abounds. Denies this truth as being half elf and in being such he alone can help Jasper get home via the magic chimney.Why should he knowing his success will send Jasper away but save Christmas. What is the “enactment of the true Christmas spirit” He must perform?

Jasper AJ 23: The “chimney book” does not say what the “enactment is” and he surely does not know. Perhaps it is best to quickly try everything?

Howie PJ 23: To prove Jasper wrong – Howie will complete in rapid fashion enactments of what he thinks are true enactments of the Christmas spirit: decorating the tree, caroling, gift exchanges? All providing false hope he’s doing the right thing.

Jasper AJ 24: Off of Howie’s accomplishments, he tries exiting via the chimney – he fails leading to accusations. Jesús – Howie purposely did not fix it so Jasper would stay. Jasper – it was Jesús who sabotaged it. Jesús, you're both mad, and don’t know what love is. There is mistrust and renewed hurt feelings.

Howie PJ 24: Change in tactics, what scares him the most – focusing on the chimney or addressing family issues. Howie’s parents arrive. Howie introduces Jasper as his boyfriend, daring his parents to reject him again and conflicting Jasper as to staying.

Grandma Evie struggles with the unresolved family rift and can’t take it anymore. Howie learns from his parent’s their role Howie’s life was protecting him from the chimney magic he did not understand.

Jasper AJ 25: Contemplates staying with Howie and his family versus returning to the North Pole who are not like the family to him like the Bellamys are. Howie tells Jasper he must leave, it’s his gift to him.

Act 4: Climax and Resolution: Tears and soot

9. Climax/Ultimate Expression of Conflict:

Howie PJ 26: Finishes what he started last Christmas. spurred on by Grandpa Nick’s efforts lead to a breakthrough in family unity. Howie reconciles with his parents, forgiving them for their rejection understanding now tit was their fear of losing him to the elf world not because he’s gay. His enactment of the Christmas spirit brings the magical chimney to life.

Jasper AJ 26: Torn between duty and love, is sorry but decides the must to return to the North Pole, saving Christmas despite his heartbreak. In his hasty exit he apologizes to Howie for not having a gift for him.

Howie PJ 27 A: Seeking comfort in Jesús but he can’t be found now either. Grandpa Evie delivers the news that Jesús has left. Howie’s left emotionally healed with his family but alone again.

10. Resolution: Magic under the mistletoe

Howie PJ 28: Is back at the store pleasantly working the returns counter. His curiosity peaked when in the line someone hidden behind a gift wrapped box approaches him.

Jasper AJ 28: Drops the box revealing himself. Surprise! He asks Howie to come with him. Again Howie leaves customers behind but on much better terms.

Howie opens the gift – it’s a snow globe of North Pole. Howie shakes it revealing to us…

In the globe we see Jesús working as an NP elf. He happily waves to Howie and Jasper showing them and the audience he’s found a new happy place. Jasper explains the role switch was approved by the big man (Santa) as his gift to Howie for fixing the chimney. Now they can be together.

Back at Winterberry Manor, Howie and Jasper receive “the old book” from Grandpa Nick bestowing them as the new custodians of the magic chimney furthering their romance and newfound roles in preserving Christmas traditions.

Howie PJ Kisses Jasper under the mistletoe – (or something less conventional.)

[Edward Lusk]

ED'S BEAT SHEET – DRAFT 1
MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.

WHAT I learned doing this assignment is by having the character profiles and structured layers in place a more character-driven story begins to take shape using the beat sheet method. It will be easier to make changes on the beat sheet before diving into scene writing.

Act 1: Introduction to the Old Ways

1. Beginning: Christmas Chaos at the Fragrance Counter.

Howie PJ 1 : Is spritzing samples, fending off insults and using humor as a defense mechanism. A customer refers to Howie as an “Elf” which somehow really gets under Howie’s skin.

Jasper AJ 1: Jasper to the rescue. He’ s far too merry for comfort, hidden under his oversized Santa hat, sparks Howie’s curiosity, annoyance with reluctant attraction.

Howie PJ 2: Needs to help Jasper make a selection and get him out of the way. He’s not the only customer although he is currently his favorite customer.

Jasper AJ 2: Unwilling to let Howie help him pick a fragrance adds to the counter frustration level. While Howie looks away Jasper cast a magic spell on bottle of “Midnight Journey.”

Howie PJ 3: Howie returns to Jasper, takes up Midnight Journey, stating it’s his boyfriend’s favorite, and sprays Jasper with it.

Japer PJ 3: No that’s definitely not the one but Jasper wants to know about Howie. He’s sure they’ve met before.

2. Inciting Incident: The Break Up

Howie PJ 4: His boyfriend shows up in the middle of the flirting. Store Santa (Howie’s best friend, Jesús) intervenes, tussling with the BF, trying to win Howie’s favor.

Jasper AJ 4: Overly sorry for the misunderstanding attempts to bring holiday merriment back to the ruckus breaking up the fight between Santa and the BF but it’s too late. Jasper crashes into a Christmas store display.

Howie PJ 5: Howie’s goes to Jasper’s aid. The BF’s had enough, They’re definitely not going away for Christmas holiday and they are finished!

Jasper AJ 5: Makes a cryptic comment about them all being on the “naughty list” and gathers his dignity disappears into the crowd, leaving behind now oddly polite shoppers.

Howie PJ 6: The change in shopper attitudes and the break up is too much for Howie. He quits his job on the spot.

3. Turning Point 1: Return to Winterberry Manor
Jasper AJ 6: Passes Christmas store window display of Santa climbing down a chimney . Jasper’s nearly childlike in wonder yet saddened by it. In the glass reflection across from him a hardware store and a spark of an idea.

Howie PJ 7: At the the North Pole Photograph Castle, Howie sitting on Santa Jesús’ lap curses Christmas and his chain of misfortune. He receives a text from his Grandpa Nick inviting him to Winterberry Manor for Christmas. Jesús encourages Howie to accept his invitation convincing him it’s better than being alone for Christmas.

Jasper AJ 7: Jasper leaves the hardware store loaded down with assorted implements.

Howie PJ 8: Arrival at Winterberry Manor. Interrupts Grandpa Nick and Grandma Evie cleaning up a big mess around the hearth. He over hears them hinting at the broken chimney’s significance. Howie’s assures them he will fix the chimney instigating an odd wave of protest.

Act 2: Exploration and New Challenges

4. New Plan: Jasper must go.

Jasper AJ 8: Surprises Howie while he is trying to fix the chimney. Covers for his presence at Winterberry Manor as he is working as a caregiver to his Grandparents.

Howie PJ 9: He’s positive Jasper a scam artist targeting his grandparents, who never mentioned his employment. Conspires with Jesús to find out all he can about him. Grandpa Nick assures Howie everything is fine and hints at the need for a traditional Christmas and sacrifices must be made leaving Howie wondering what that means.

Jasper AJ 9: He and Jesús doing serious holiday decorating and sharing their love for the holiday and its traditions. Jesús is fishing for clues about Jasper, sex orientation and others for Howie. Jasper makes a remark how he’s needs to get back home but can’t confusing Jesús as to where is home?

Howie PJ 10: Listening to Jesús feed Jim Jasper clues, searches online about Jasper. He doesn’t find a thing about Jasper – very odd. Howie wants Jasper gone but is conflicted over his attraction to him. He must be gay – right?

Jasper AJ 10: The storms too bad for him to leave so he will stay and help make this Winterberry Christmas the best it has ever been.

Howie PJ 11: He will counter Jasper’s efforts and ruin this Christmas making it the worst it has ever been driving Jasper away for good.

5. Plan in Action: It’s a Hallmark Christmas disaster

Howie PJ 12: Christmas cookie baking gone wrong. He tries to find out why Jasper is not home for Christmas.

Jasper AJ12: Alludes to a moment of rejection – the reason is somewhat vague. He makes the best of Christmas cookie baking countering Howie’s plans. Learns of Howie’s family Christmas day rejection over him being gay – thus his dislike for the occasion.

Howie PJ 13: Finds Jasper on the roof fixing the chimney. He volunteers to help Jasper fix the chimney.

Jasper AJ 13. Rejects Howie’s help and metaphorically Howie’s love. This is Jasper’s fault it is broken and only he alone can fix his mistake. He hints there is more at stake here than a broken chimney.

Howie PJ 14: Takes pity on Jasper as he admits everyone makes mistakes – his being trusting in those who he loved only to have his trust broken along with his heart.

Jasper AJ 14: Jasper has a cure for everything blue – it’s snowball fight…

Jasper, Howie, and Jesús partake in a snowball fight which is rollicking good fun until hidden jealousy and attraction between Jesús and Howie and Howie and Jasper get a little too competitive.

Howie PJ 15: Howie interrogates Jesús’s over his jealousy around Jasper bring into question their relationship.

Jasper AJ 15: Overhearing Howie he pushes for Howie to pursuit Jesús’s attraction as Jasper hints he’s not going to be around for much longer – he hopes.

Grandma Evie hopes for family healing and encourages Howie to reach out to his parents, though he resists. She subtly hints at secrets about Howie's past and their family legacy.

Howie PJ 16: expresses hurt over Jasper’s rejection. He’s a disillusioned romantic who, under a veneer of Christmas disdain, deeply desires to rekindle his belief in magical, heartfelt connections.

Jasper AJ 16: He is joyful to hear such desire as this can be very helpful to him. Jasper elicits Howie’s help for reasons he can’t explain but promises it’s for Howie’s benefit.

6. Midpoint Turning Point: Jasper’s coming out.

Howie PJ 17: Howie’s Christmas hating facade has a crack. He’s upset he can’t drink his hot cocoa by his favorite fireplace because Jasper broke it!

Jasper AJ 17: In an attempt to repair the fireplace to placate Howie, Jasper takes a tumble. His ridiculous Santa hat falls off revealing is elfin-like appearance.

Howie PJ 18: Stunned by this reveal Howie demands an explanation as to what is going on.

Jasper AJ 18: Admits he’s a North Pole elf explaining the magical chimney is the main portal allowing Santa to use all chimneys for his Christmas Eve ingress and egress. Jasper left the NP to fix the chimney and show the other elves his worth but has failed. Christmas is in peril.

Howie PJ 19: Takes this info all in stride but what he really wants to know is if Jasper is gay or not, and what does any of this have to do with him?

Jasper AJ 19: Of course he is gay – he’s an elf and all elves are gay by their nature. Howie must perform an enactment of the true Christmas spirit for the chimney to be repaired.

Act 3: Reevaluation and Conflict: How to save Christmas in 24 hours.

7. Rethink Everything:
Howie: PJ 20: He sees on TikTok his Ex-Boyfriend promoting a fragrance Howie created pushing Howie to shut down hating his life – again. He is not helping anyone for anything.

Jasper AJ 20: It can’t be just anyone who performs the genuine act – it has to be someone connected to the North Pole.

Howie PJ 20: Learns his grandparents have protected Christmas magic for generations. His family’s rejection was to keep him safe from the magical dangers – linked to his elfin heritage

Jasper AJ 21: Pulls an old book from the shelf and shows Howie he’s part-elf, explaining his connection to Christmas magic and Jasper.

Howie PJ 21: Realizes his family’s misunderstood his coming out, thinking he was revealing his elf heritage, not being gay, which is not an issue but as an elf he’d be lost to the North Pole forever.

8. Turning Point: Howie doesn’t see that coming.

Jasper AJ 22: Confesses he’s had feelings for Howie since their childhood North Pole meeting.

Howie PJ22: Given all that he knows now he will help Jasper despite knowing his success will send Jasper away but save Christmas. But how? What is the “enactment of the true Christmas spirit?”

Jasper AJ 23: The book does not day what the “enactment is” best to try everything.

Howie PJ 23: Performs in rapid fashion acts of what he thinks are true Christmas spirit: decorating the tree, caroling, gift exchanges.

Jasper AJ 24: Tries the chimney – fails leading to accusations, mistrust and renewed hurt feelings.

Howie PJ 24: Change in tactics, what scares him the most – focusing on the chimney or addressing family issues. Grandma Evie struggles with unresolved family rifts.

Jasper AJ 25: Contemplates staying with Howie and his family versus returning to the North Pole who are not family to him like the Bellamys are.

Act 4: Climax and Resolution: Tears and soot

9. Climax/Ultimate Expression of Conflict:

Howie PJ 26: spurred on by Grandpa Nick’s efforts lead to a breakthrough in family unity. Howie reconciles with his parents, finding the true Christmas spirit, which empowers him to magically repair the chimney.

Jasper AJ 26: Torn between duty and love, decides to return to the North Pole, saving Christmas despite his heartbreak. (Jesús disappears, leaving Howie emotionally healed but alone.)

10. Resolution: Under the magic under mistletoe

Howie PJ 27: Is back at the store working the returns counter, is surprised when…

Jasper AJ 27: Now human shows up hidden behind a gift wrapped box. Jasper explains he embraced vulnerability and accepted help, ready to start a new life with Howie. How? Jesús, helped – now an elf, finds his path at the North Pole, ensuring Howie’s happiness.

Howie and Jasper, as new custodians of the magic chimney, enjoy their romance and newfound roles in preserving Christmas traditions.

Howie PJ Kisses Jasper under the mistletoe, unexpected but sweet, symbolizing blossoming romance and Christmas magic.

[Edward Lusk]

ED'S DEEPER LAYER

MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.

What I learned doing this assignment is by creating another layer to the story adds story intrigue and character development that was not there with the surface layer. The deeper layer creates more opportunities for interest and big reveals adding entertainment value.

Act 1: Introduction to the Old Ways

1. Beginning:

Opening Scene: At Santa’s North Pole, two boys, one human (young Howie) and one elf (Jasper), play in the toy factory. The elf must suddenly leave, promising to return.

– Transition: Santa takes young Howie’s hand, and they disappear in a sprinkle of stardust. Howie awakens in the Great Hall of Winterberry Manor, surrounded by his family, who wonder where he’s been.

Current Day: Christmas chaos at a fragrance counter. Howie, now an adult, is spritzing samples and using humor as a defense mechanism. A customer refers to Howie as an “Elf” which somehow gets under Howie’s skin.
A peculiar customer, Jasper, hidden under an oversized Santa hat, sparks Howie’s curiosity and reluctant attraction. Howie asks Jasper if they’ve met before?

2. Inciting Incident:

– Howie’s boyfriend sees him with Jasper and accuses him of flirting, leading to an ugly breakup. Store Santa (Howie’s best friend, Jesús) intervenes, tussling with the BF, trying to win Howie’s favor.

Jasper makes a cryptic comment about them being on the “naughty list” and disappears, leaving behind now oddly polite shoppers. Howie quits his job on the spot.

3. Turning Point 1:

Back the the North Pole Photograph Castle, Howie reminisces while sitting on Jesús’s lap (dressed as Santa) complaining about his estranged family.

– Family Introduction: At Winterberry Manor, Grandpa Nick texting Howie while and Grandma Evie clean up a big mess around the hearth, hinting at the broken chimney’s significance. They worry it won’t be fixed by Christmas Eve.

Jesús encourages Howie to accept his Grandpa Nick’s invitation to Winterberry Manor, convincing him it’s better than being alone for Christmas. They drive up before the storm hits.

Act 2: Exploration and New Challenges

4. New Plan:

At Winterberry Manor, Howie and Jesús are shocked to find Jasper working there as a caregiver. They suspect Jasper might be scamming the grandparents. Grandpa Nick assures them everything is fine and hints at the need for a traditional Christmas and sacrifices must be made.

Howie wants Jasper gone bust in conflicted over his attraction to him. Jesús all too willing to help.

Howie confides to Jesús he finds a unexplained connection to Jasper that he wants to explore. Jesús would just love to be a North Pole elf and live the Christmas Spirit everyday.

5. Plan in Action:

– Jasper and Jesús conspire and compete creating Hallmark-style Christmas moments with Howie, which are both disastrous and insightful.

Howie and Jasper grow closer Jesús’s jealousy intensifies. He tries to sabotage their relationship while seeking to win Howie over.

Grandma Evie hopes for family healing and encourages Howie to reach out to his parents, though he resists. She subtly hints at secrets about Howie's past and their family legacy.

– Jasper rejects Howie for reasons he can’t explain but promises it’s for Howie’s benefit.

6. Midpoint Turning Point:

– Jasper reveals he’s an elf and explains the magical chimney’s significance. He needs Howie’s help to fix it and save Christmas.

– Howie and Jasper bond over their shared experiences of rejection—Howie by his family, Jasper by the North Pole elves. Their relationship deepens as they work on the chimney repair. Howie’s elfin heritage is hinted at more clearly.

Act 3: Reevaluation and Conflict

7. Rethink Everything:

The chimney requires Howie’s enactment of the true Christmas spirit to function, paralleling Howie’s need for inner transformation.

Howie discovers his grandparents have protected Christmas magic for generations. His family’s rejection was to keep him safe from the magical dangers linked to his elfin heritage

– Howie learns he’s part-elf, explaining his connection to Christmas magic and Jasper. His family misunderstood his coming out, thinking he was revealing his elf heritage otherwise he be lost to the North Pole forever.

8. Turning Point:

– Jasper confesses he’s had feelings for Howie since their childhood meeting. The group’s efforts to repair the chimney fail, leading to accusations and hurt feelings.

– Grandpa Nick must choose between focusing on the chimney or addressing family issues. Grandma Evie struggles with unresolved family rifts. Jasper contemplates staying with Howie versus returning to the North Pole.

Act 4: Climax and Resolution

9. Climax/Ultimate Expression of Conflict:

– Grandpa Nick’s efforts lead to a breakthrough in family unity. Howie reconciles with his parents, finding the true Christmas spirit, which empowers him to magically repair the chimney.

– Jasper, torn between duty and love, decides to return to the North Pole, saving Christmas despite his heartbreak. Jesús disappears, leaving Howie emotionally healed but alone.

10. Resolution:

– Howie, back at the store working the returns counter, is surprised when Jasper, now human, appears. Jasper explains he embraced vulnerability and accepted help, ready to start a new life with Howie.

– Jesús, now an elf, finds his path at the North Pole, ensuring Howie’s happiness. Howie and Jasper, as new custodians of the magic chimney, enjoy their romance and newfound roles in preserving Christmas traditions.
– Grandma Evie’s wish for family reconciliation is fulfilled as the family unites around the true spirit of Christmas.

[Edward Lusk]

ED'S CHARACTER STRUCTURE.

MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.

What I learned doing this assignment is how to apply character structure to story structure build emotion, important turning points, and additional layers to the surface story. Doing this step correctly will double the quality of the script.

Act 1: Introduction to the Old Ways

1. BEGINNING
It’s Christmas chaos at the fragrance counter. In the middle of it all is HOWIE, spritzing samples and fending off insults. Howie uses humor as a defense mechanism. His witty, often sarcastic comments mask his true feelings and provide charm to his otherwise grumpy demeanor.

A peculiar customer, JASPER, partially hidden under an oversized Santa hat, is filled with too much Christmas joy sparks Howie’s curiosity and reluctant attraction. Jasper hides fear of failure and desperation behind charm. Howie recommends, Magical Nights, which is coincidentally is Howie’s boyfriend’s favorite.

At Winterberry Manor, Howie’s grandparent’s home. Grandpa Nick and Grandma Evie are cleaning up a huge mess around the hearth. They are overly worried if the chimney can be repaired by Christmas.

2. INCITING INCIDENT
Back at the store , “The Boyfriend” arrives to witnesses what he thinks is Howie flirting with Jasper and declares Howie and he are NOT going away for Christmas and they are finished.

The ugly breakup gets the attention of the store Santa, Howie’s jealous best friend, JESÚS, who leaves his photograph castle and crying children behind joining the fray always seeking an opportunity to gain Howie’s favor.

Amongst the renewed chaos Jasper drops a weird insinuation they are all going on the naughty list. With a jingle of his Santa hat he vanishes into the crowd as the irritable customers transform into whimsically polite people. Howie’s had enough, quits storming off leaving Jesús wondering just what the hell happened.

3. TURNING POINT 1
Howie’s depressed and Jesús doing his best to cheer him up with the lates gossip. Howie laments over being rejected by his family when he came out on Christmas morning.

Howie swears off Christmas, that “weird guy” at the store, his family, and in general, anything that would bring him joy. Jesús sees an opening to progress their friendship to something more.

Jesús convinces Howie not to be alone at Christmas and they should drive up to Howie’s grandparents before the storm hits. They are just eccentric enough to make the holiday tolerable.

Act 2: Exploration and New Challenges

4. NEW PLAN
At the Grandparents Winterberry manor, Howie and Jesús are surprised to find Jasper is a caregiver living there. Howie and Jesús scheme on ways to find out if Jasper is there to scam his grandparents. Grandpa Nick, keeper of secrets, is his usual warm and humorous self, hopeful for a traditional Christmas despite past disappointments.

Jasper annoys and confronts Howie’s unhappiness in a series of parodies of Hallmark Christmas moments both disastrous, comedic, and insightful.

Jesús realizes Jasper might become more than just a friend to Howie, triggering his jealousy and skepticism.

Grandma Evie seeing Howie’s interest in Jasper sparks hope for family healing and rekindling traditions but frustrated because she can not tell Howie the truth about Jasper.

5. PLAN IN ACTION
Jesús feeling sidelined as Howie and Jasper grow closer with every Christmas movie parody, raising questions about the nature of their relationship and what secrets are they hiding. What makes Howie so bitter and is Jasper really who he appears to be? Is Jasper gay?

Jesús, the third wheel, sabotages Howie’s efforts to form a relationship with Jasper while conniving to win over Howie. Introduces a subplot of friendship alongside the main romance, emphasizing the theme of personal growth and the balance between different relationships.

Amongst the drama, Grandma Evie is wise and nurturing, longing for family reconciliation and passing down holiday traditions. She encourages Howie to reach out to his parents but is met by strong opposition.

6. MIDPOINT TURNING POINT
Jasper comes out – as an elf. Of course he is “gay” because all elves are “gay” – leaving double entendre hanging over everyone.

Howie’s confused as Jasper explains his secret situation and circumstances leaving the North Pole to fix the broken magical chimney which allows Santa egress to all chimneys world-wide.

Their bond deepens through shared vulnerability. Jasper was not accepted at North Pole and Howie was not accepted by his immediate family. Jasper entrusting Howie with the magical chimney secret, adding layers to their relationship and setting up higher stakes – Christmas is off is Jasper fails.

Grandpa Evie becomes more involved in the efforts to repair the chimney, emphasizing the importance of family unity.

Act 3: Reevaluation and Conflict

7. RETHINK EVERYTHING
The Winterberry Manor chimney portal requires true Christmas spirit to function, also a metaphor for Howie's inner transformation requirement.

Jasper and Howie find in their shared experience. Howie – rejected by his family when he came out on Christmas morning. Jasper – rejected by North Pole elves for his more human appearance sparking his decision to fix the chimney on his own, a mistake that has endangered Christmas, now certainly faces fear of rejection and failure.

Jasper’s redemption is in Howie’s hands as he must discover the true Christmas spirit to break the spell which has befallen the magical chimney portal.

Howie must devise a plan to fix it, even though a canceled Christmas is just fine with Howie plus if successful Jasper will go back to the North Pole – forever, which is not okay with Howie but okay with Jesús.

Grandpa Nick becomes a key player in the group’s efforts to repair the chimney, symbolizing the potential for fixing past mistakes. His close bond with Howie is tested as he asks Howie to do the unthinkable – forgive his parents betrayal.

8. TURNING POINT
Despite a genuine group effort by Howie, Grandpa Nick, Jesús, and Jasper the chimney repair comedically fails and Christmas Eve is here. There’s finger pointing and hurt feelings all around as mistrust and secret motives come into play. Jesús’s fears and insecurities are brought to the forefront.

The failure to repair the chimney tests Grandpa Nick resilience and optimism. Grandpa Nick must decide whether to focus on fixing the chimney or addressing the deeper family issues.
Grandma Evie's efforts to heal the family are tested by the tensions and secrets revealed during the chimney repair.
Jasper’s belief in Howie and Christmas spirit deepens their bond. Jasper wonder’s if staying is not such a bad thing after all.
Jesús fears Howie wants Jasper to stay, Jasper believes Jesús sabotaged the effort and Howie believes he is being framed for the whole thing jeopardizing their relationships and Christmas.
The failure of the chimney repair and subsequent conflict highlights Grandma Evie’s own unresolved family rifts. She must confront her past regrets and decide whether to push for reconciliation or let things be.

Act 4: Climax and Resolution
9. CLIMAX/ULTIMATE EXPRESSION OF THE CONFLICT
Grandpa Nick’s efforts lead to a breakthrough in family unity and the successful repair of the chimney, embodying the spirit of resilience and love.
Howie reconciles a deep rift with his parents achieving a newfound belief in the Christmas spirit and love empowerment, magical charm to repair the chimney. Jasper must choose between staying with Howie, potentially jeopardizing Christmas, or leaving to fix his mistake.
Jasper despite the heartbreak, goes back to the North Pole saving Christmas. Jesús disappears leaving Howie emotionally heeled but alone and grateful for his blessings.

10. Resolution
Howie’s working the returns counter and hidden behind a gift wrapped box is Jasper, transformed into a human, returns to Howie, having learned to embrace vulnerability and accept help, ready to start a new chapter.

But how? Jesús trades places with Jasper, becoming an elf and finding his own path, while ensuring Howie’s happiness.

Evelyn’s wish for family reconciliation is fulfilled as Howie finds love and the family unites around the true spirit of Christmas.
Jesús is a North Pole Elf, his happy place. Howie and Jasper are enjoying romance and together as small shop owners and new custodians of the the magic chimney.

[Edward Lusk]

ED'S Supporting Characters

MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.

What I learne doing this assignment is supporting characters are not just random creations that take part in the story. They are their to serve specific purposes for either the protagonist or antagonist. If they are not serving a purpose then they should not exist.

SUPPORTING CHARACTERS:

Support 1:

Name: Evelyn Bellamy
Role: Howie’s Grandmother
Main purpose: To have Howie find true love and reunite her family.
Value: Remind Howie there is still love in the world and he should not exclude himself from trying to find it.

Support 2:

Name: Nicholas Bellamy
Role: Howie’s Grandfather
Main purpose: To pass down their (Bellamy Family ) holiday traditions to the next generation.
Value: The keeper of secrets. He’s the custodian of the magic chimney. He must convince Howie to help Jasper repair the chimney and save Christmas, not for himself but for others.

Support 3:

Name: Caitlin
Role: Howie’s sister
Main purpose: To convince Howie he must reconcile with his parents in order for him to move on with his life.
Value: She's the conduit between Howie and his estranged parents. She has to broker their reuniting for the sake of family harmony.

Background characters. Holiday shopper’s who annoy and irrate Howie to the point of quitting his job. The village people who bring warmth and charm of the holidays.

[Edward Lusk]

ED'S CHARACTER PROFILES
MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.

What I learned doing this assignment is to understand how to design and construct charaters that are different in personna yet all support the story's concept and goal. Conflict and drama is generated through their differences as characters.

GENRE: Chistmas Romantic Comedy
CONCEPT: A Christmas visit to his grandparents' manor unravels for a heartbroken gay man when he finds an unexpected romance with a stranded magical elf whose mysterious mishap threatens Christmas.
Character Profiles

Howie Bellamy – Protagonist

1. Role in the Story:**
– Discover the true spirit of Christmas and rediscover love.

2. Age Range and Description:**
– Mid 20s, wholesome appearance, hopeless romantic, with a flair for vests.

3. Core Traits:**
– **Resentful:** Howie's heartbreak and subsequent distrust in others' romantic intentions stem from deep-seated resentment due to past betrayals and his disdain for Christmas.
– **Funny:** Despite his cynicism, Howie uses humor as a defense mechanism. His witty, often sarcastic comments mask his true feelings and provide charm to his otherwise grumpy demeanor.
– **Suspicious:** His past betrayal by a former lover has left Howie with trust issues. He tends to be wary of others' motives, especially in matters of the heart.
– **Affectionate:** Beneath his guarded exterior, Howie has a deep capacity for affection. This trait becomes more apparent as he begins to open up and trust again.

4. Motivation; Want/Need:**
– **Want:** Avoid emotional pain and maintain control.
– **Need:** Emotional healing, trust, connection, and belonging.

5. Wound:**
– **Unresolved Betrayal and Rejection:** Betrayed by a former partner who stole his idea and rejected by his family when he came out on Christmas morning.

6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy:**
– **Likeable:** His humor, affectionate nature, and resilience.
– **Relatable:** His experiences with heartbreak and trust issues, cynicism, and desire for connection.
– Empathetic:** Emotional pain, vulnerability, and growth journey.

7. Character Subtext:**
– **Identity:** A disillusioned romantic.
– **Trait:** Secretly longs for a magical intervention to restore his faith in love and Christmas.
– **Logline:** Howie is a disillusioned romantic who, under a veneer of Christmas disdain, deeply desires to rekindle his belief in magical, heartfelt connections.

8. Character Intrigue:**
– **Secret:** Facing financial ruin and emotional instability.
– **Deception:** Maintains a facade of success and stability while seeking a way out.
– **Unspoken Wound:** His parents' rejection and the resulting contempt for Christmas.

9. Flaw:**
– Says the wrong thing.

10. Values:**
– Trust, love.

11. Character Dilemma:**
– Self-expression versus guilt.

—

Jasper Frost – Antagonist

1. Role in the Story:**
– The elf responsible for a mishap that endangers Christmas and Howie’s main romantic interest.

2. Age Range and Description:**
– Early 30s, with an air of ageless maturity, pulled down Santa hat disguising his elfin features. Speaks with a weird sounding nordic dialect.

3. Core Traits:**
– **Charming:** Endearing with a magical whimsy.
– **Mischievous:** Playful and light-hearted.
– **Whimsical:** Embodies the spirit of Christmas.
– **Empathetic:** Deeply cares for Howie and others.

4. Motivation; Want/Need:**
– **Want:** Fix the magical mishap and return to the North Pole.
– **Need:** Learn to accept help, embrace vulnerability, and find forgiveness.

5. Wound:**
– **Unresolved Guilt and Fear of Failure:** Guilt from a past mistake that endangered Christmas, and fear of rejection and failure.

6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy:**
– **Likeable:** His charm, whimsical nature, and empathy.
– **Relatable:** Fear of failure, desire for redemption, hidden vulnerabilities.
– **Empathetic:** Genuine care and sacrifice, struggle with identity, emotional resilience.

7. Character Subtext:**
– **Identity:** A stranded magical elf in crisis.
– **Trait:** Hides fear of failure and desperation behind charm.
– **Logline:** Jasper is a stranded magical elf who uses charm and whimsy to mask his fear of failure and the potential consequences of his mistake.

8. Character Intrigue:**
– **Secret:** True identity and magical nature.
– **Deception:** Pretends to be just a stranded caregiver.
– **Unspoken Wound:** Guilt over past mistakes and fear of rejection.

9. Flaw:**
– Overconfidence.

10. Values:**
– Loyalty, happiness.

11. Character Dilemma:**
– Love versus duty.

—

Jesús Zurita – Triangle Character

1. Role in the Story:**
– Howie’s best friend who fears losing their close friendship to Howie’s new romantic interest.

2. Age Range and Description:**
– 30s, chubby, behind his twinkling eyes is a hint of sadness. Beard and mustache impeccably trimmed. Exaggerated movements.

3. Core Traits:**
– **Gossipy:** Loves to share news and rumors.
– **Jealous:** Feels threatened by Howie's new romance.
– **Selfish:** Prioritizes his feelings for Howie.
– **Diplomatic:** Manages conflicts with tact.
– **Enthusiastic:** Full of energy and positivity.
– **Protective:** Looks out for Howie.
– **Joyful:** Exudes happiness and warmth.

4. Motivation; Want/Need:**
– **Want:** A deeper, more meaningful relationship with Howie.
– **Need:** To be loved in return.

5. Wound:**
– Fear of being alone.

6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy:**
– **Likeable:** Always upbeat, even when underhanded at times.
– **Relatable:** Craves affection and fears loneliness.
– **Empathetic:** Struggles with unrequited love and undervaluing himself.

7. Character Subtext:**
– **Identity:** A devoted friend grappling with jealousy.
– **Trait:** Conceals fear of losing Howie under skepticism.
– **Logline:** Jesús is a devoted friend who masks his jealousy with skepticism, fearing he will lose his bond with Howie to Jasper.

8. Character Intrigue:**
– **Secret:** Jealous of Jasper and Howie's budding relationship.
– **Deception:** Subtly sabotages their relationship to keep Howie close.
– **Unspoken Wound:** Fear of being replaced and losing Howie.

9. Flaw:**
– Undervalues himself and overdoes things.

10. Values:**
– Family, being your best, friendship, perseverance.

11. Character Dilemma:**
– Winner versus loser.

[Edward Lusk]

ED'S CHARACTER PROFILE PART 1
MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.

What I learned doing this assignment is the skill required to develop multilayered characters with each layer bringing the character more emotion, more personality and life to a role an actor can relate to and be attracted by.

Character: HOWIE BELLAMAY – PROTAGONIST

The High Concept.

A hasty Christmas visit to his grandparents' manor unravels for a heartbroken gay man when he finds unexpected romance with a stranded magical elf whose mysterious mishap threatens Christmas.

This character’s journey.
Howie begins the story disenchanted with life and love, but through his magical encounter with Jasper and the trials that follow, he rediscovers love and finds the true meaning of the Christmas spirit.

The Actor Attractors for this character.

What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?

It’s the first gay character role with a Christmas elf in a rom-com. The role blends real-world heartbreak with fantastical elements.

What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?

Howie's journey from a jaded, Christmas-hating individual to someone who embraces love and magic makes him deeply relatable and compelling.

What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?

He’s broke but going home to mom and dad is out of the question. Living with Jesús is Christmas personified. His grandparents are offbeat enough to make the holiday tolerable. Howie falls for Jasper, the grandparent’s live- in caregiver, who has a tremendous secret.

How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?

Howie’s working the fragrance counter just before Christmas. The place is like the commodity pit at the Chicago Mercantile Exchange. Customer’s swarm him, demanding, complaining, impatient. Howie’s sprays cologne samples and insults in rapid fire succession until the most sincerest person in the world ask him what cologne is best for finding love. Howie takes a moment to recognize another’s feelings and is helpful – and then quits on the spot.

What could be this character’s emotional range?

Howie is sad, dejected, even an angry individual. Through meeting Jasper and the events that bond them he finds optimism, tempered by disappointment, met with surprise, regret, frustration, love, and ultimately joy.

What subtext can the actor play?

Howie lives in a life of isolation. Its power impacts his view of reality, not in a positive way.
He knows he’s on the wrong path but can’t find a way out. He fears being alone and miserable.
Howie seeks redemption but knows hope can lead to disappointment.

What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?

Howie has fallen in love with Jasper, who’s sexually ambiguous and identity issues. Howie’s grandparents are a bit of an enigmas as well. He’s always been too preoccupied with himself to see this until visiting them over Christmas.
Howie’s friend Jesús, tries his hardest to be more than a friend to Howie. Can Howie “settle” for Jesús? Yes but does he really want to? No.

How will this character’s unique voice be presented?

His anti-christmas rhetoric masks the hurt he feels. Howie’s an attention seeker. He plays tricks, makes others laugh. He likes the spotlight but for the wrong reasons. Howie’s character gradually shifting to one of hope and warmth, mirrors his internal transformation.

What could make this character special and unique?

Howie is the antithesis of your typical Christmas Rom-Com movie character. His relationship with Jasper transitions him from disbelief to a magical believer, paralleling a journey from heartbreak to romantic rejuvenation.

Role in the Story: Discover the true spirit of Christmas

Age range and Description: Mid 20’s, a flair for vests.

Core Traits:

Resentful –
Funny –
Suspicious –
Stubborn –
Affectionate –

Motivation; Want/Need:
WANT: Avoid emotional pain and maintain control, NEEDS: for emotional healing, trust, connection, and belonging.

Wound:

Howie's Wound

Rejection and banishment faced from his family when he came out to them on Christmas morning.

Likability, Relatability, Empathy:

Likable Traits:

Humor. Howie's witty, often sarcastic sense of humor makes him entertaining and charming despite his cynicism.

Affectionate Nature: Beneath his guarded exterior, Howie has a deep capacity for affection.

Resilience: Despite his heartbreak and setbacks, Howie’s ability to keep going and face life’s challenges shows a strong, resilient spirit.

Relatable Traits:

Heartbreak and Trust Issues: Many people have experienced betrayal or heartbreak and can relate to Howie’s difficulty in trusting others again.

Struggle with Cynicism: Howie’s struggle with cynicism and negativity, especially around the holidays, can resonate with those who have felt disillusioned or disappointed by life's circumstances.

Desire for Connection: Howie's yearning for genuine connection and love, despite his fears, is a fundamental human experience.

Empathetic Traits:

Emotional Pain: Howie’s pain from past betrayals and family rejection.

Vulnerability: Howie’s moments of vulnerability, when he lets his guard down and expresses his true feelings, make him more human and relatable.

Growth and Transformation: Howie’s journey from a Christmas-hating cynic to a hopeful believer in love and magic showcases significant personal growth.

END HOWIE

JASPER FROST – ANTAGONIST

A. The High Concept.
A hasty Christmas visit to his grandparents' manor unravels for a heartbroken gay man when he finds unexpected romance with a stranded magical elf whose mysterious mishap threatens Christmas.

B. This character’s journey.

Jasper's journey involves coming to terms with the consequences of his mistakes and learning to trust others to help rectify them.

C. The Actor Attractors for this character.

What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?

Jasper first appears as a human caregiver then comes out as a a sexual ambiguous North Pole Elf. Albeit a stranded one due to his own negligence. .

What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?

Jasper roles plays up the idea of how one’s true identity matters in life and in relationships. He’s the most charming, magical, mysterious person/elf you’ve ever met and he needs help to return home.

What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
Through Jasper’s need to fix the magical, broken chimney Jasper helps Howie transform from his miserable self to getting back finding joy in life and love.

How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
Jasper the only person at the fragrance counter mayhem who’s able to get Howie’s heart skip a beat. He’s vanishes as quickly and mysteriously as he arrives.

What could be this character’s emotional range
Jasper is confused and desperate over his stranded situation but he is never down. He’s joyful, even playful, which annoys Howie to no end.

What subtext can the actor play?
Jasper longs for home and the fear of failing his mission. He’s new to the feeling of helplessness but not never despair. This is juxtapositions with his curiosity and growing affection for Howie.

What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
Meeting Howie and his sad state of affairs which compel Jasper to making sacrifices for Howie’s sake. It’s comical and yet sentimental.

How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
Magically with innocence and a touch of mischief. He is truly a foreigner in strange land.

What could make this character special and unique?

His ability to help what appears to be the most helpless person ever – Howie. Jasper's blend of elfin magic, vulnerability, and the earnest pursuit of his mission to get home while stuck in the human world make him a uniquely enchanting character.

Role in the Story:
The elf responsible for a mishap that endangers Christmas and Howie’s main romantic interest.

Age range and Description: Age early 30’s, with an air of ageless maturity. Strangely disguised hiding his elfin features by more human means.

Core Traits:

1. Charming
2. Mischievous
3. Whimsical
4. Empathetic
5. Responsible

Motivation; Want/Need:

Jasper's Motivational Want and Need

What Jasper Wants:

WANTS: To Fix His Mistake, protect Christmas magic and return Home:

What Jasper Needs:

NEEDS To Learn and Accept Help, Embrace Vulnerability, Build Trust, Find Forgiveness and Redemption.

Wound:
Jasper's Wound Unresolved Guilt and Fear of Failure.

Likability, Relatability, Empathy:

1. Charming: Jasper's natural charm and playful demeanor. His mischievous antics and light-hearted spirit add a sense of fun and magic.

2. Whimsical: His magical abilities and enchanting presence, brings a touch of fantasy and joy to Winterberry Manor. His delight in the magic of Christmas makes him captivating and enjoyable to watch.

3. **Empathetic: Jasper shows genuine concern and care for Howie and the Bellamys. His willingness to sacrifice for Howie and his dedication to fixing the magical mishap reflect his kind-hearted and selfless nature.

Relatable Traits:

1. Fear of Failure: Jasper's struggle with guilt and his desire to prove himself resonate with those who have faced similar challenges in their own lives.

2. Desire for Redemption: His quest to rectify his mistakes and seek forgiveness reflects a universal desire to make things right and find personal redemption.

3. Hidden Vulnerabilities:J asper's tendency to hide his true feelings and vulnerabilities behind a facade of charm and whimsy.

Empathetic Traits:

1. Genuine Care and Sacrifice: Jasper's deep care for Howie and his willingness to sacrifice his own happiness for Howie's sake. His actions are driven by love and selflessness, making his struggles and sacrifices.

2. Struggle with Identity: Jasper's internal conflict about his true identity as an elf and his fear of rejection make him a sympathetic character. His journey to embrace his true self and trust others with his secret mirrors the challenges many face in being authentic and vulnerable.

3. Emotional Resilience: Despite his fears and mistakes, Jasper remains hopeful and resilient maintaining a positive outlook and continue fighting for what he believes in.

[Edward Lusk]

ED's Characters Likability/Relatability/Empathy
MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.

What I learned doing this assignment is I have a ways to go to further understand my character's qualities. Yes they are intriguing but creating them as likeable is a different skill. These three traits requires a deeper dive into their emotional states and personalities. I'll get there!
HOWIE – PROTAGONIST

Likability: Howie’s a good grandson, he treats his grandparents with love and respect. Behind his jadedness lies a heart of gold. He helps Jasper, and forgives Jesús, despite the consequences. Howie’s witty, and sometimes that wit get’s him in trouble.

Relatability: Howie get’s stressed out over the Christmas holiday. He has money troubles. His relationship with his family is complicated. He is a good friend. Howie doesn’t want to be alone at Christmas. He wants to be with the right man and won’t stop until he finds him.

Empathy: Howie’s had his heart broken. Deep down he wants to believe again in the magic of Christmas – again. Howie seeks redemption by helping Jasper. Howie and Jasper are meant to be together and yet they can not be.

JASPER – ANTAGONIST

Likability: Jasper is like warm milk and cookies. He’s keenly aware of others feelings and emotions. He truly wants to help Howie find his Christmas joy despite Howie’s pessimism. Jasper’s a lovable klutz. He’s a screw up but hard to get mad at.

Relatability: He’s screwed up and needs to fix the broken chimney but afraid to ask Howie for help. He has secrets and revealing them is the only way to get home. He can’t fall in love with Howie because he knows doing so will eventually will break his heart.

Empathy: Jasper stranded and needs to get back home. If Jasper can’t get the chimney fixed Christmas will be ruined for everyone. Coming out as an elf to Howie risks losing him.

[Edward Lusk]

ED'S Character Intrigue.
MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.

What I leanred doing this assignement is how character intrigue will give the my story forward momenetum and supply the charcater's roles with a deeper meaning making them more iteresting and attractive to actors.

Howie Bellamy (Protagonist)

Secret: Portrays himself as a successful retail manager, but he's actually facing financial ruin and emotional instability.

– SHOWS UP: Not only being desperate for love but also for a financial life ring. Clouds his judgment for Jesús, Jasper, and for his grandparents generosity.

Unspoken Wound:Howie came out to his family on Christmas morning at what he thought was a “gift” resulted in rejection and banishment by his parents and his now contempt for the holiday.

SHOWS UP: Being mean to store customers, unwillingness to participate in traditions, trying to take others joy away. Complicating his relationship with Jasper and his grandparents. Dilemma with helping Jasper repair the broken chimney.

Jasper Frost (Antagonist)

Secret: Jasper's true identity and magical nature are secrets he guards closely, fearing rejection or exploitation from humans.

SHOWS UP: Not being honest with Howie. Jasper’s mistrust of Howie’s intentions. Jasper’s hidden agenda with Grandpa Nick. Hurting Jasper’s own plan to get back to the North Pole.

Deception: He deceives Howie and others by presenting himself merely as a stranded individual, while secretly trying to mend a magical mishap that could have larger implications for worldly Christmas celebration.

SHOWS UP: Jasper playing duel roles as caregiver and elf, with two agenda’s complicating his relationship with Howie and his grandparents. Gives motivation to Jesús to uncover who Jasper really is. Jasper has to reveal his secret in order to seek outside help from Howie.

Unspoken Wound: Jasper harbors guilt over a past mistake that led to his banishment from the North Pole elf community, driving his actions without him openly acknowledging it.

SHOWS UP: Howie and Jasper share a special bond and appreciation for what it feels like to be rejected by the ones they though loved them.

3. Jesús Zurita (Triangle Character)

Competition: Jesús views Jasper as a rival, for Howie's attention but perhaps for a promotion or recognition within their shared retail professional environment, adding tension to their interactions.

SHOWS UP: Jesús doing bad things for what he thinks is the right reason. He wants Howie’s attention and affection in mind but his methods are out of line with the means.

Deception: To keep Howie close, Jesús may manipulate situations to show Jasper, or Howie in a negative light, subtly sabotaging their budding relationship.

SHOWS UP: Jesús being a third wheel complicating the goals of Howie and Jasper. Places Jesús ultimate goal to be with Howie at risk. Causes Jasper to mistrust Jesús even though he needs him as an ally.

[Edward Lusk]

ED's SUBTEXT CHARACTERS

MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.

What I learned doing this assignment is recognizing adding layers of character subtext will payoff in more interesting characters, addtional opportunities to increase drama, comedy, and attract actors to unique roles.

Howie Bellamy (Protagonist)
– Subtext Identity: A disillusioned romantic
– Subtext Trait: Despite his overt cynicism, he is secretly longing for a magical intervention that can restore his faith in love and Christmas.
– Subtext Logline:** Howie is a disillusioned romantic who, under a veneer of Christmas disdain, deeply desires to rekindle his belief in magical, heartfelt connections.

Possible Areas of Subtext for Howie:
– Hiding his true feelings of loneliness and desire for love
– Afraid to admit he wants a resolution to his heartbreak
– Secretly yearns to believe in the magic of Christmas and love again
– Withholding his vulnerability from others to maintain his cynical facade

Jasper Frost (Antagonist)
– Subtext Identity: A stranded magical elf in a crisis.
– Subtext Trait: Jasper hides his fear of failure and desperation to fix his mistakes behind a facade of magical whimsy and charm.
– Subtext Logline: Jasper is a stranded magical elf in crisis who uses his charm and whimsy to mask his deep-seated fear that he may not be able to rectify his mistakes and return home.

Possible Areas of Subtext for Jasper:
– Hiding the gravity of his situation from Howie and the Bellamys.
– Lying about the full extent of the consequences of his mishap.
– Secret fears of being stranded permanently among humans.
– Plotting ways to fix the magical mishap without alarming others.

Jesús Zurita (Triangle Character)
– Subtext Identity: A devoted friend to Howie grappling with jealousy.
– Subtext Trait: Jesús conceals his fear of losing Howie to a new romance under a layer of skepticism and protectiveness.
– Subtext Logline: Jesús is a devoted friend who masks his jealousy with skepticism, secretly fearing that he will lose his close bond with Howie to an enchanting stranger – Jasper.

Possible Areas of Subtext for Jesús:
– Withholding his true feelings of jealousy and fear of being replaced.
– Being overly critical of Jasper as a covert way to protect his friendship with Howie.
– Secretly plotting to prove Jasper unworthy of Howie’s affection.

[Edward Lusk]

ED'S ACTOR ATTRACTORS
MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.

What I learned doing this assignment is by answering these questions further develops my characters roles, motivations and actions they will take. It helps give them a voice and uniqueness so they can't just be dropped in any other story.

Lead Character Name: HOWIE BELLAMAY
Role: PROTAGONIST

What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
Howie is a gay character role in a Christmas rom-com with a sexualy ambiguous, standed, North Pole Elf. The role blends real-world heartbreak with fantastical elements.

What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?

Howie's journey from a jaded, Christmas-hating individual to someone who embraces love and magic makes him deeply relatable and compelling. Is he a Scrooge? Not necessarily. Maybe more of a gay Grinch.

What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
Howie's broke but going home to mom and dad is out of the question. Living with Jesús is a nightmare the man is Christmas personified. He visits his grandparents for Christmas. They are just weird enough to make the holiday tolerable. At Winterberry Manor he meets Jasper, the grandparent’s live in caregiver. Howie is quite taken by him. He has a charm that can only be describe as “magical” which is about what it takes to snap Howie out of his funk.

How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
Howie’s working the fragrance counter just before Christmas. The place is more like a commodity pit at the Chicago Mercantile Exchange. He’s out of his element. Demanding, complaining, impatient customers. Howie’s spraying cologne samples and insults in rapid fire succession. That is until the most sincerest person in the world ask him what cologne is best for finding love. Howie, for the first time in a long time, takes a moment to recognize another’s feelings and is helpful – and then quits on the spot.

What could be this character’s emotional range?
Howie is sad, dejected, even an angry individual. Through meeting Jasper and the events that bond them he finds optimism, tempered by disappointment, met with surprise, regret, frustration, love, and ultimately joy.

What subtext can the actor play?
Howie lives in a life of isolation. Its power impacts his view of reality, not in a positive way.
He knows he’s on the wrong path but can’t find a way out. He fears being alone and miserable.
Howie seeks redemption but knows hope can lead to disappointment.
Howie seeks empathy and understanding he knows can lead to personal transformation. He just doesn’t know how or is afraid to find out.

What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
Howie has fallen in love with Jasper, who’s got some sexual ambiguity and true identity issues. Howie’s grandparents are a bit of an enigmas as well. He’s always been to preoccupied with himself to see this until visiting them over Christmas.
Howie’s friend Jesús, tries his hardest to be more than a friend to Howie. Can Howie “settle” for Jesús? Yes but does he really want to? No.

How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
His anti-christmas rhetoric is entertaining, however, it masks the hurt he feels. Howie’s an attention seeker. He plays tricks, and characters, and makes others laugh. He likes the spotlight but for the wrong reasons. Howie’s character gradually shifting to one of hope and warmth, mirrors his internal transformation.

What could make this character special and unique?
Howie is the antithesis of your typical Christmas Rom-Com movie character. He needs help and help does find him in the most unremarkable way through the love he finds in a North Pole Elf named Jasper Frost. This event transitions him from disbelief to a magical believer, paralleling a journey from heartbreak to romantic rejuvenation.

Lead Character Name: JASPER FROST
Role: ANTAGONIST
What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
Jasper first appears as a human caregiver then comes out as a a sexual ambiguous North Pole Elf. Albeit a stranded one too.

What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?

Jasper roles plays up the idea of how one’s true identity matters in life and in relationships. He’s the most charming, magical, mysterious person/elf you’ve ever met and he needs help to return home.

What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
Through Jasper’s need to fix the magical, broken chimney Jasper helps Howie transform from his miserable self to getting back finding joy in life and love.

How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
Jasper the only person at the fragrance counter mayhem who’s able to get Howie’s heart skip a beat. He’s vanishes as quickly and mysteriously as he arrives.

What could be this character’s emotional range
Jasper is confused and desperate over his stranded situation but he is never down. He’s joyful, even playful, which annoys Howie to no end.

What subtext can the actor play?
Jasper longs for home and the fear of failing his mission. He’s new to the feeling of helplessness but not never despair. This is juxtapositions with his curiosity and growing affection for Howie.

What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
Meeting Howie and his sad state of affairs which compel Jasper to making sacrifices for Howie’s sake. It’s comical and yet sentimental.

How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
Magically with innocence and a touch of mischief. He is truly a foreigner in strange land.

What could make this character special and unique?

His ability to help what appears to be the most helpless person ever – Howie. Jasper's blend of elfin magic, vulnerability, and the earnest pursuit of his mission to get home while stuck in the human world make him a uniquely enchanting character.

[Edward Lusk]

Ed's Actor Attractors.
MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.

What I learned doing this assignement is how the MC drives the story. He is not going along for the ride. The MC's traits, profile, mptativation etc, drives his decsion making and those decsion power the story forward.

Movie Title: SINGLE ALL THE WAY

Lead Character Name: PETER

Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?

Peter is a positive gay role model as a character who has a large supportive and accepting family. He is successful, likable, enthusiastic, creative, grounded in community, family and making others shine. He lacks relationship confidence, generally making poor choices in men despite his best intentions to settle down.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?

Everyone is rooting for Peter to finally find a lasting boyfriend. After many hits and misses, he’s losing hope. He’s very successful at his job, supportive as a friend, and family member. He doesn’t have the same confidence in himself as others do in him. He’s the only character who is single, and wishes to go home and show his family he’s not a relationship loser.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?

Peter was dating a closeted, married man, who Peter was to take home to meet his family in New Hampshire until his best friend, Nick, busts the boyfriend meeting his wife and child. Peter loves plants. He gives them names and talks with them.

Everyone but Peter can see that his best friend of nine years, Nick, is the man for him. Peter is too afraid of loosing a best friend than to make the first move. Peter goes back home with Nick, posing as his boyfriend, except Nick bails on this plan as soon as Peter’s mother announces she’s fixed up Peter on a blind date.

Peter goes on the blind date and discovers the man, James, his mother set him up with is really hot, nice and someone he can see himself in a relationship with. Except that would mean moving back home to New Hampshire from LA.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?
The movie starts as a photo shoot with shirtless, hunky men, with shaving cream beards posing for the commercial advertisement. Behind the scenes, Peter, the director, sits feet up, uninterested, bored and by all accounts a sad individual. He’s just going through the motions. His main interest is getting to a friends Christmas party, where he can show off his latest boyfriend, a cardiologist.

5. What is this character’s emotional range?
Peter’s character goes through a range of emotions from apathy, at the beginning to kindness for his plants and roommate/best friend, Nick. Affection for his new boyfriend, which turns to anger, when he finds out he is married – to a women. Gratitude for his big, silly, loving New Hampshire family. Confusion over how to handle his feelings for James and Nick to love for Nick and joy, that they will be leaving LA and living in New Hampshire surrounded by family and the town he loves but in not home for Nick.

6. What subtext can the actor play?
Hiding his fears, not taking a risk finding out Nick’s true feelings which can improve his relationship with Nick or break up their longterm friendship.
He’s in denial that he’s always picking the wrong guys. He think’s the guys are wrong, not Peter’s choice.
Peter’s always got others best interest in mind. Helping others helps cover his pain and loneliness.
Peter’s a controller, not in a bad manipulative way, but he wants others to be happy. He’s a flirt, giving the wrong idea to Nick and James.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?
Peter’s dating, unknown to him, a married man, who he was planning to take home to meet his family in New Hampshire.
Peter and Nick have been best friends for nine years, but in denial they are right for each other at the risk of spoiling the friendship.
Peter dates, James, a blind date his mother sets up. James is the one who helps Peter discover Nick is the man for him, despite James losing out a on a pretty nice guy.
Peter has supporting parents, sister, nephews, and an aunt, all who wants what’s best for him including sabotaging his dates with James so that he gets together with Nick. Who they can see is the right man.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?
He likes plants, as he says “plants don’t cheat” in reference to James.
He’s very supportive of others, never criticizing , always positive. Never gives up hope.
Peter volunteers to help his Aunt Sandy with the Christmas pageant, turning it from disaster to a hit, thanks to his talents and caring for his family.
He swaps out his mother’s new white Christmas tree for the old fashion real kind with the old ornaments showing his commitment to tradition and family.

9. What makes this character special and unique?

Peter deserves a good man. Everyone can see that and he’s able to get the audience to cheer for him that he succeeds. Peter admits he is pathetic at relationships and he is avoiding love, but doesn’t understand why. He is very likable, good looking, which makes him being single an interesting dilemma and central conflict. His family cares so much about him they are always meddling in his love life, with different agendas as to who Peter should be with and where he should live his life, LA or New Hampshire.

10. Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.

There is a scene where Peter’s boss does not like the photos from the model shoot in the opening scene. Peter needs new photos – ASAP. Peter talks Nick into being his model.

In this scene the wall between good friends and something more is broken. Peter uses his charms, talents, to get Nick to lower his inhibitions. Peter lathers Nick’s face up with shaving cream, allowing the power of touch and thereby trust work its magic. Through the camera lens – a metaphor, Peter is able to see Nick in a different way. Peter realizes maybe there is real hope for the two. Nick is Mr. Right and he’s been there all along. Peter has gained more confidence with his decision making and plots with his family to see if Nick feels the same way.

[Edward Lusk]

Ed’s Genre Conventions.
MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.
What I learned doing this assigment is by adding the conventions the story changes from just a generalized version of the genre to one that will meet expectations and supply a high level of entertainment.
GENRE; CHRISTMAS ROM-COM
TITLE: ELFSTRUCK
CONCEPT: A reluctant Christmas visit to his grandparents’ manor unravels for a heartbroken gay man when he finds an unexpected romance with a stranded magical elf whose mysterious mishap threatens Christmas.
Act 1: Introduction to the Old Ways
Opening
Howie's Christmas retail meltdown. It’s Christmas chaos at the fragrance counter. Impatient customers, outrages expectations, understaffing and a wanky Christmas tree leaves Howie on the verge of a meltdown.

Inciting Incident
Howie’s public breakup. Amid the chaos “The Boyfriend” shows up declaring Howie and he are NOT going away for Christmas and The Boyfriend they are finished. (Is there a fragrance for that?)
The loud argument gets the attention of an elf working with Santa at the store’s photo North Pole castle.

Turning Point
The "cute-meet" with Jasper. The elf (Jasper) purchases a favorite fragrance from Howie and assures Howie that “The ExBoyfriend” was on the naughty list anyway. Howie is smitten by Jasper’s charms as Jasper is enchanted by Howie’s pessimism. When Howie’s distracted Jasper performs a little Christmas magic at the fragrance counter then disappears in the crowd before Howie can react.

Act 2: Exploration and New Challenges
New Plan
Uncovering Jasper's secrets. Howie and Jesús arrive at Grandparents manor only to discover Jasper is there are the caregiver. Howie and Jesús scheme on ways to find out if Jasper is gay or not. Our trio set out in parodies of Hallmark Christmas moments both disastrous, comedic, and insightful.

Plan in Action
Jesús feeling sidelined. Howie and Jasper grow closer with every failed Christmas parody, raising questions about the nature of their relationship and what secrets are they hiding.

Jesús, the third wheel, sabotages Howie’s efforts to form a relationship with Jasper while conniving to win over Howie and advance from being just friends.

Midpoint Turning Point
Jasper's revelation as an elf. Jasper comes out – as an elf. Of course he is “gay” because he’s an elf – leaving double entendre hanging over everyone. Howie’s confused, stakes are raised, when Jasper explains his secret situation and circumstances around the broken magical chimney.

Act 3: Reevaluation and Conflict
Rethink Everything
The significance of the chimney. It is a portal that requires true Christmas spirit to function. It also provides a metaphor for Howie's inner transformation requirement. Howie must devise a plan to fix it, even though if successful Jasper will go back to the North Pole – forever.

Turning Point
The failure of the chimney repair. Despite a genuine group effort by Howie, Jesús, and Jasper the chimney repair fails dramtically and Christmas Eve is here. There’s finger pointing and hurt feelings all around as mistrust and secret motives come into play as Christmas hangs in the balance.

Act 4: Climax and Resolution
Climax/Ultimate Expression of the Conflict
Howie's act to repair the chimney. Howie reconciles a deep rift with his parents achieving a newfound belief in the Christmas spirit and love's empowerment. Jasper is sent back to the North Pole saving Christmas and Jesús disappears leaving Howie alone but grateful.

Resolution
Jasper appearing as a human. Howie’s working the returns counter and hidden behind a big gift wrapped box is – Jasper. Jesús agreed to change places with Jasper allowing him to return to be with Howie. Jesús get’s his Christmas wish – being a North Pole Elf.

[Edward Lusk]

Subject line: ED'S 4 Act Transformational Structure.

MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.

WHAT I Learned doing this assignment is that creating a transformational structure shows me if I have a full story, or not, before writing a single scene. By investing time and creativity in this stage will simplify the writing process without having to navigate/edit through many pages of script.

Act 1: Introduction to the Old Ways

Opening: Howie’s having a Christmas retail meltdown working the short-staffed department store’s fragrance counter.

Inciting Incident: Howie’s boyfriend publicly and embarrassingly breaks up with him ruining their plans for Christmas setting the tone and his distaste for Christmas and love.

Turning Point: Howie, alongside his best friend Jesús, arrives begrudgingly at his grandparents’ manor where Howie meets Jasper, initially unaware of his true identity sparks, albeit confusing, attraction to Jasper.

Act 2: Exploration and New Challenges

New Plan: Determined to uncover Jasper's secrets and win his affection, Howie engages Jasper in cheesy festive activities.

Plan in Action: As Howie and Jasper grow closer through Christmas traditions, Jesús feels sidelined and starts subtly sabotaging Howie's romantic efforts

– Midpoint Turning Point: Jasper reveals he is an elf and needs Howie’s help to repair a magical chimney to return to the North Pole, deepening their bond but complicating Howie’s feelings.

Act 3: Reevaluation and Conflict

– Rethink Everything: Howie learns the significance of the chimney – a portal for Santa, operational only by those who truly embrace the Christmas spirit.
New Plan: Despite their blossoming relationship, Howie decides to help repair the chimney, knowing it will send Jasper away, reflecting his growth and acceptance of selfless love.

– Turning Point: Huge Failure / Major Shift: The attempt to fix the chimney fails catastrophically, leading to a significant fallout among Howie, Jesús, and Jasper, endangering their relationships and Christmas itself.

Act 4: Climax and Resolution

Climax/Ultimate Expression of the Conflict: In an unselfish act of true Christmas spirit, Howie manages to settle his rift with his parents and repair the chimney, to make Jasper happy, demonstrating his belief in Christmas and sending Jasper back to the North Pole.
– Resolution: Howie’s working the returns counter. Behind a big gift wrapped box hides – Jasper. He’s come back to be with Howie. But how? Jesús and Jasper agree to swap places. Allowing Jesús to live his dream of being a North Pole elf and Jasper be with Howie.

[Edward Lusk]

Ed’s Subtext Plot

MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.

What I learned doing this assignment is… performing the sub-text plots at this stage helps with designing future set-ups and payoffs along with adding deeper emotional meaning to the overall plot.

SUBPLOTS:

LAYERING:

As Jasper works to secretly repair the chimney portal without revealing its true nature to Howie, Howie begins to notice odd occurrences and magical mishaps around the manor.

The manor itself holds a hidden layer of magic unknown to its current residents.

As Howie delves deeper into the manor's history and Jasper's mishaps, he uncovers an ancestral connection to the magical world, revealing a legacy of guardians who protect the bridge between worlds.

This revelation changes Howie's understanding of family, duty, and love.

SOMEONE HIDES WHO THEY ARE:

Jasper conceals his elf identity from Howie to avoid rejection and complicate their growing relationship.

The plot follows Jasper’s struggle to maintain his guise (a closeted elf), the clues he inadvertently leaves, Howie's piecing together these hints, and the eventual discovery that threatens their bond.

The subtext is about the fear of rejection and the desire to be loved for one's true self.

SUPERIOR POSITION:

The audience knows from the start that Jasper is an elf, but Howie does not. This dual narrative allows viewers to experience Jasper’s magical mishaps and attempts to blend in with a sense of dramatic irony, while also living through Howie’s gradual discovery and the emotional impact of his realizations about love and magic.

COMPETITIVE AGENDAS:

Jesús and Jasper inadvertently engage in a rivalry for Howie’s attention and loyalty.

Jesús schemes to expose Jasper’s oddities to Howie, hoping to preserve their friendship, while Jasper attempts to win over Howie with magical, romantic gestures.

The competition drives a wedge but ultimately leads to a resolution where both understand the importance of their roles in Howie's life.

[Edward Lusk]

Ed Lusk’s transformational journey.

MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.

What I learned doing this assignment is how all the components of the character’s transformational journey support the character’s development and journey, immediately adding conflict, intrigue, and drama, which will come into greater importance with outlining.

Character Arc for your Protagonist: HOWIE BELLAMY

Arc Beginning: Christmas-hating, heartbroken, pessimistic, retail store manager.

Arc Ending: Hopeful, joyful, open-hearted, new-found believer in love and Christmas magic

Internal/External Journey.

Internal Journey: Struggles with cynicism toward love and the fear of getting hurt again. The enchanting manor helps him dismantle his contempt for Christmas. He confronts his fears, learns to forgive, and ultimately embraces his positive feelings.

External Journey: Sad and Disgusted retail store manager, fixing the manor’s chimney portal, a metaphor for repairing his own broken heart, unfolding magical events providing a new perspective on love, family, and holiday spirit.

OLD WAYS:

• Hates all things Christmas
• Retail store manager
• Treats others badly
• Distrustful of others’ romantic intentions
• Isolated
• Guarded nature
• Pessimistic about relationships
• Selfish focus on his hurt feelings
• Overly protective of his family

NEW WAYS

• True believer in the Magic of Christmas
• Treats others with kindness
• Store owner
• Renewed belief in the unpredictability and beauty of love,
• Open to new experiences
• Unselfish approach to personal and family commitments.
• Greater emotional intelligence and a readiness to trust others.

[Edward Lusk]

Ed’s Title, Concept, and Vision.

What I learned from this assignment is the benefits gained from constructing a solid outline before writing a single scene.

TITLE: Elfstruck

GENRE: Chirstmas Romance

CONCEPT: A mundane Christmas visit to his grandparents’ manor unravels for a heartbroken gay man when he finds an unexpected romance with a stranded magical elf whose mysterious mishap threatens Christmas.

I plan on using The Romantic Triangle for my character’s structure.

MY VISION is to be a bankable, reputable, and industry go-to writer who’s demonstrated how to entertain and hold an audience’s attention through unforgettable characters and stories that are as enjoyable to write as they are to watch.

[Edward Lusk]

What I learned from the opening meeting was that the concept that I had originally chosen to write was comfortable, familiar, and safe, and therefore – CRAP. So I shelved that concept and chose another one that would be more fun, challenging, and edgy to write. I’ll be learning more about screenwriting and myself in the process.

[Edward Lusk]

Hello, my name is Ed Lusk. I’ve written six feature-length screenplays and bunches of shorts. I will get out of this class a higher quality and more soulful form of writing. I’ll learn to be more a productive and focused writer by using AI as a writing partner.

I once flew in the Goodyear blimp! Great to be a member of this class and I’m looking forward to working alongside these fantastic writers.

[Edward Lusk]

Ed Lusk

“I agree to the terms of this release form.”

[Edward Lusk]

Ed’s QE # 6 – Rewrite

LOGLINE: A big donation from an unreputable donor has Marcus and Carley feuding over money while discovering suppressed passion.

ESSENCE: The power of love and money

INT. MUSEUM – ARMOR COURT – NIGHT

A medieval armor gallery that has seen better days. The walls lined with ancient, dusty, tapestries. Majestically standing at center court a full armored knight mounted on stuffed horse. His LANCE, extended outward ready to joust.

We see a rat gnawing on the the leather strap holding the lance in its place. After a few bites, The lance, slips, slightly, precariously held in place by the narrowest of a strand. The rat scampers away.

INT. MUSEUM – ARMOR COURT – MORNING

The lights flicker on. In marches MARCUS BLAKE, 40’s. He is the persnickety Director of this struggling museum. He runs a white kerchief over the fixtures, dismayed at the dirt left behind. He rallies at the site of the mounted knight.

MARCUS

(to knight)

What tales have thee to tell today, royal knight? Has the fair maiden who inhabits this castle come to you with news I’m desperate to hear? Sir Knight, as your captor I demand you answer me!

(a beat, Marcus frowns)

Marcus waves the kerchief over the stuffed horse’s armored nose. Dust flies and Marcus expels a healthy sneeze.

INT. MUSEUM – DONOR DEVELOPMENT OFFICE – MORNING

A cramped office. Stacks of correspondence and grants. At the computer keyboard, CASEY O’DONNELL, 30’s, hair tight bun pretends to type out a response.

CASEY

Dear valued benefactor…Although I fully understand your reasons for declining to donate this year…I can’t help but wonder why a person of your means is such a cheap,… low life… son of…

The office door opens. A old MUSEUM GUARD enters. Caught in the in the act.

CASEY

…bitch!

GUARD

I’m sorry, miss. I should’ve knocked.

CASEY

No worries. Always happy to see one of our dedicated volunteers. How are you?

Casey reaches for a correspondence, any correspondence. She leafs through it.

GUARD

Ms. O’Donnell, a man left this envelope at the front desk. He ask that I give it to you personally.

CASEY

(reading a letter)

May I offer you some coffee?

GUARD

No mam, but the man said something else…

CASEY

…Spit it out, as you can see, the needs of this institution are greater than its resources.

Casey, sets down the papers, only to pick up a pen, which she twirls amongst her fingers.

GUARD

The man said…and I quote…Pay great heed to this offer, as opportunity knocks but just once. A battle of wills is never won until the love of the will is defeated.

CASEY

What the hell is that suppose to mean? Never mind. Not your problem. Thank you. We owe a great amount of gratitude to our volunteers. I doubt we’d stay open with out you.

With a tip of his cap, the guard exits. Casey picks up an ornate DAGGER and uses it to slice open the envelope. Out drops a dried rose and a CHECK. She does a double take.

EXT. DONOR’S OFFICE DOOR.

From behind the closed door there’s a tremendous scream of jubilation. The door flings open. Casey runs past the stunned guard with the check envelope in one hand, the dagger in the other.

INT. ARMOR COURT

Sitting on the observation bench, illuminated by the skylight above, Marcus, admires the tapestry on the opposite wall, “AENEAS SAYS FAREWELL TO DIDO.” He ruminates a loud.

MARCUS

Yes, dear Dido, I must follow my destiny and must I leave for Carthage, post haste. For it is the path to follow, should I decide to go. I fear rejection most once I reach port…

Marcus daydreaming disturbed by the firm, yet hushed, voice of Casey.

CASEY

…Mr. Blake!…Mr. BLAKE!…Mr Blake!!

MARCUS

Oh, I do apologize, Ms. O’Donnell. You do know how the romances transport me away.

CASEY

Our ship has come in, Mr. Blake, take a look at this!

Casey hands over the envelope. Marcus takes it as well as noticing the dagger in her hand.

MARCUS

I trust, Ms. O’Donnell if you going to kill me, you do know the blood will be on your hands?

CASEY

Kill you?…Oh…this…it’s merely a letter opener.

MARCUS

(A twinkle in his eye)

Indeed, I’m positive that’s not what Macbeth said.

Casey laughs, a hint of flirtation behind her hardened shell. Marcus takes out the check and the dried rose. He jumps up in astonishment.

MARCUS (Continued)

Ten million dollars?! The Graham Thomas Foundation is donating ten million dollars to our museum?

Marcus concentrates on the check. Weighing the implications. Then raises the check up dramatically above his head and is about to RIP IT in half.

CASEY

Stop! Stop it! Don’t do that. You’ll ruin everything.

MARCUS

Ms. O’Donnell, let me enlighten you. Graham Thomas is an obnoxious, narcissistic, conniving, bore. I shall not, will not, and can not have his name associated with this institution!

A group of giggly school children enter the museum chaperoned by an ELDERLY MAN, wearing a derby hat. He herds the children along with the cane. A look of weary boredom droops over his face.

Casey’s hands reach up and take Marcus’s in them. Their faces are a warm breath apart. Together they lower the check, in tact. Casey holds it close to her bosom. The two separate at the sensation of their touch.

CASEY

I don’t care what the man’s reputation is, Marcus. This money is agnostic. This is the moment we’ve waited for. This gift will save us, and the museum. We can stay together. You won’t have to leave now. Think of the new collection you can curate.

The old man saunters past. He tips his derby hat and stops to admire the mounted knight.

MARCUS

Lower your voice. (contained rage) This is no gift. Graham Thomas will pull ever single string attached to his philanthropical bribe. He’ll replace the board with his own henchman. Next, I’ll be thrown out like the trash. Then he’ll sell off our greatest works, funneling the proceeds into secret bank accounts. As for you, you’ll be named the new puppet director of a tax haven masquerading like a museum. This is not the moment I’ve waited for. Quite the contrary.

CASEY

I’ve just delivered the greatest development gift this museum’s ever seen and you want to pull the rug right out from under me!

MARCUS

If I given the impression of jealously, I am sorry. That is unbecoming. However, this circumstance brings to light, what exactly did you have to do the acquire such a large gift? I wasn’t aware you knew Graham Thomas so intimately.

CASEY

How dare you?

She slaps Marcus across the face. The giggle children become silent. The elderly man clears his throat – loudly.

Marcus shakes off the assault. He locks eyes on the fire behind Casey’s indignant stare.

MARCUS

I guess I had that coming. Still, we must think clearly. You must return the check with a very grateful thank you, but not thank you, letter.

CASEY

I doubt if I could phrase such a letter. Under the circumstances, I find your behavior incomprehensible. Perhaps it’s best we convene after lunch, when one of us can come to their senses.

MARCUS

I won’t change my mind…(Casey turns to leave)…Why the dried rose?

The elderly man with the derby hat intervenes.

Elderly Man

It’s my calling card, dear boy. The rose is Graham Thomas Rose, my name sake as well as a calling card. You see the Graham Thomas Rose is a world’s favorite, an award winner, no less. And yet you disparage me so. Tsk, Tsk.

Casey and Marcus are speechless. Mouths agape, eyes wide.

CASEY

I…I…I am sorry Mr. Thomas. We are very appreciative of your generosity. Just look around, you can see our museum could use your help.

THOMAS

I don’t think Mr. Blake sees it that way. He’s blinded, you know. He has a strong will to survive, but only in his imagination. These works that surround us are not just art, they are his muse for escape. Is that right, Mr. Blake?

MARCUS

I’m afraid once I remove my foot from my mouth I’ve established we’ve got off on the wrong foot, Mr. Thomas. And you’re right. I do find I express my thoughts speaking to these relicts. Like this knight standing proudly above us. A generous gift from a nineteenth century industrialist.

THOMAS

I find art tedious. No wonder you talk to it. What’s more curious is why you bring Ms. O’Donnell, here, into your imaginative conversations.

MARCUS

I must learn to keep my voice down.

CASEY

Shouldn’t we move on? Mr. Blake’s ramblings are getting us off track. Our future is better topic than the past misunderstandings.

THOMAS

Fair enough. Let’s get down to it. My gift has no strings attached, nor nefarious plots to over throw the current regime. It’s buys this institution, one my father admired, time. Time provides many opportunities to those who are brave enough to see the truth. What is your decision?

CASEY

All this talking in circles is making me dizzy.

MARCUS

I hope your world is spinning because of me. I was afraid if I expressed my feelings for you, I’d place the museum at risk.

CASEY

You must stop putting the museum ahead of what matters to you most, Marcus. However, in fairness, I find myself just as guilty. What would the staff think If we are in a relationship? It’s scandal! My goodness, this morning is nothing like I ever imagined. I’m struggling to find the words the best express my…

Above them the LANCE on the royal knight creeks free. With a rusty creek it begins to fall. Marcus pushes Casey out of the way. They land together in a heap on the floor as the lance crashes down next to them.

Casey rolls off Marcus. Her DAGGER is firmly impaled into Casey’s heart. A growing circle of blood spreads beneath the tweed.

CASEY

Marcus! Marcus, stay with me. Mr. Thomas, please go get help!

Graham Thomas scurries off in search of assistance.

MARCUS

(gasping)

If there’s a will, there’s a way to my heart. Maybe one not so literal, Ms. O’Donnell.

CASEY

Please don’t die, Marcus. And, yes, I have the fondest of feelings for you too.

MARCUS

I’ll take it, but first I must rest my eyes.

Casey kisses Marcus deeply as his eyes gently close.

[Edward Lusk]

QE CYCLE ASSIGNMENT # 6 Draft One.

LOGLINE: Art museum director turns down needed funds setting up an unexpected confession to his development officer.

ESSENCE: heated arguments release honest emotion.

INT. MUSEUM – ARMOR COURT – NIGHT

An impressive, yet, rusting, collection of medieval armory, display cases of nights armor; helmets, mallets, swords. The walls lined with ancient, dusty, tapestries. Majestically standing at center court a full armored knight on horse back. His LANCE, extended high.

We see a rat gnawing on the the leather strap holding the lance in place. After a few bites, The lance, slips, slightly, precariously held in place by the narrowest of a strand. The rat scampers away.

INT. MUSEUM – ARMOR COURT – MORNING

The lights flicker on one by one. The armor gleams best it can under the morning skylight. In marches MARCUS BLAKE, 40’s, tortoise glasses and tweed jacket. He is the persnickety Director of this museum. He runs a white kerchief over the fixtures, dismayed at the dirt left behind. He stands tall, chin up, at the sight of the center court mounted knight.

MARCUS

(to knight)

What tales have thee to tell today, royal knight? Has the fair maiden who inhabits this castle come to you with news I’m desperate to hear? Sir Knight, as your captor I request you answer me! (a beat, Marcus frowns) Oh Sir Knight, take us away from the tedium of this grand space to a far away land of romance and joy.

Marcus waves the kerchief over the stuffed horse’s armored nose. Dust flies and Marcus expels a healthy sneeze.

INT. MUSEUM – DONOR DEVELOPMENT OFFICE – MORNING

A small desk piled high with folders and correspondences. Behind stacks stands CASEY O’DONNELL, 30’s. With hands firmly on hips above the pleated skirt. She surveys which stack to tackle next. A quick KNOCK. The door opens. A old MUSEUM GUARD shuffles in.

Casey reaches for a correspondence, any correspondence. She leafs through it.

GUARD

Ms. O’Donnell, a man left this envelope at the front desk. He ask that I give it to you personally.

CASEY

(reading a letter)

Please set it down. May I offer you some coffee?

GUARD

No mam, but the man said something else…

CASEY

…Spit it out, as you can see, the needs of this institution are greater than its resources.

Casey, sets down the papers, only to pick up a pen, which she twirls amongst her fingers.

GUARD

The man said…and I quote…Pay great heed to this offer, as opportunity knocks but just once. A battle of wills is never won until the love of the will is defeated.

CASEY

What the hell is that suppose to mean? Never mind. I’m sorry. I’ve wasted enough of your time. Thank you. We owe a great amount of gratitude to our volunteers. I doubt we stay open with out you.

With a tip of his cap, the guard exits. Casey picks up an ornate DAGGER and uses it to slice open the envelope. Out drops a dried rose bud and a CHECK. She looks at it twice.

EXT. DONOR’S OFFICE DOOR.

The guard stops dead in his tracks. From behind the closed door there’s a tremendous scream of jubilation. The door flings open. Casey runs past the guard. The check envelope in one hand and the dagger in the other.

INT. ARMOR COURT

On one of the observation benches below the mounted knight with the precarious lance, sits Casey, admiring the tapestry on the opposite wall, “AENEAS SAYS FAREWELL TO DIDO.” He ruminates a loud.

MARCUS

Yes, dear Dido, I must follow my destiny and must I leave for Carthage, post haste. For it is the path to follow, should I decide to go. I fear rejection most once I reach port…

Marcus daydreaming disturbed by the tough, yet hushed, voice of Casey.

CASEY

…Mr. Blake!…Mr. BLAKE!…Mr Blake!!

MARCUS

Oh, I do apologize, Ms. O’Donnell. You do know how the romances transport me away.

CASEY

Your ship has come in, Mr. Blake, take a look at this.

Casey hands over the envelope. Marcus takes it as well as noticing the dagger in her hand.

MARCUS

I trust, Ms. O’Donnell if you going to kill me, you do know the blood will be on your hands?

CASEY

Kill you?…Oh…this…it’s merely a letter opener.

MARCUS

(A twinkle in his eye)

Indeed, I’m not quite positive that’s what Macbeth said.

Casey laughs along, a hint of flirtation behind her hardened shell. Marcus takes out the check and the dried rose. He stands in astonishment.

MARCUS (Continued)

Ten million dollars?! The Graham Thomas Foundation is donating ten million dollars to our museum?

Marcus holds the check up dramatically above his head and is about to RIP IT in half.

CASEY

Stop! Stop it! Don’t do this. You’ll ruin everything.

MARCUS

Graham Thomas is an obnoxious, narcissistic, conniving, bore. I shall not, will not, and can not have his name associated with this institution!

A group of giggly school children enter the museum chaperoned by an ELDERLY MAN, strangely wearing a derby hat, holding cane. He herds the children along with the cane. A look of weary boredom droops over his face.

Casey’s hands reach up and take Marcus’s in them. Their faces meet. Together they lower the check, in tact. The two shamefully separate at the sensation of their touch.

CASEY

I don’t care what the man’s reputation is. This money is agnostic. Please understand, Marcus. This is the moment you’ve waited for. This gift will save us, and the museum. We can stay together. You won’t have to leave now. Think of the new collection you can curate.

The old man saunters past. He tips his derby hat and stops to admire the mounted knight.

MARCUS

Lower your voice. (contained rage) This is no gift. Graham Thomas will pull ever single string attached to his philanthropical bribe. He’ll replace the board with his own henchman. Next, I’ll be thrown out like the trash. Then he’ll sell off our greatest works, funneling the proceeds into secret bank accounts. As for you, you’ll be named the new puppet director of a tax haven masquerading like a museum.

CASEY

You’re only saying this because you’re jealous. I’ve just delivered the greatest development gift this museum’s ever seen and you want to pull the rug right out from under me!

MARCUS

If I given the impression of jealously, I am sorry. That is unbecoming. However, this circumstance brings to light, what exactly did you have to do the acquire such a large gift? I wasn’t aware you knew Graham Thomas so intimately.

CASEY

How dare you?

She slaps Marcus across the face. The giggle children become silent. The elderly man clears his throat – loudly.

Marcus shakes off the assault. He locks eyes on the fire behind Casey’s indignant stare.

MARCUS

I guess I had that coming. Still, we must think clearly. I want you to return the check with a very grateful thank you but not thank you letter.

CASEY

I doubt if I could phrase such a letter. Under the circumstances, I find your behavior incomprehensible. Perhaps it’s best we convene after lunch, when one of us can come to their senses.

MARCUS

I won’t change my mind…(Casey turns to leave)…Why the dried rose?

The elderly man with the derby hat intervenes.

Elderly Man

It’s my calling card, dear boy. The rose is Graham Thomas Rose, my name sake as well as a calling card. You see the Graham Thomas Rose is a world’s favorite, an award winner, no less. And yet you disparage me so. Tsk, Tsk.

Casey and Marcus are speechless. Mouths agape, eyes wide.

CASEY

I…I…I am sorry Mr. Thomas. We are appreciative of your generosity. Just look around, you can see our museum could use your help.

THOMAS

I don’t think Mr. Blake sees it that way. He’s blinded, you know. He has a strong will to survive, but only in his imagination. These works that surround us are not just art, they are his muse for escape. Is that right, Mr. Blake?

MARCUS

I’m afraid once I remove my foot from my mouth I’ve established we’ve got off on the wrong foot, Mr. Thomas. And you’re right. I do find I express my thoughts speaking to these relicts. Like this knight standing probably behind us. A gift from a nineteenth century industrialist.

THOMAS

I find art tedious. No wonder you talk to it. What’s more curious is why you bring Ms. O’Donnell, here, into your conversations.

MARCUS

I must keep my voice down.

CASEY

Shouldn’t we move on? I see the future to be a better topic than the past.

THOMAS

Fair enough. Let’s get down to it. My gift, is just that. No strings attached or nefarious plots to over throw the current regime. It’s buys this institution time and time provides many opportunities to those who are brave enough to see the truth.

CASEY

All this talking in circles is making me dizzy.

MARCUS

The truth is I love you Casey. I always have. I was afraid if I expressed my feelings I’d place the museum at risk.

CASEY

You must stop putting the museum ahead of what matters to you most, Marcus. My word, this morning is nothing like I ever imagined. I’m struggling to find the words the best express my…

Above them the LANCE on the Royal Knight creeks FREE, with a rusty creek it comes crashing down. Marcus pushes Casey out of the way. They land together in a heap on the floor.

Casey rolls off Marcus. The DAGGER is firmly impaled into Casey’s heart. A growing circle of blood spreads beneath the tweed.

CASEY

Marcus! Marcus, stay with me. Mr. Thomas, please get help!

Graham Thomas shuffles off in search of assistance.

MARCUS

If there’s a will, there’s a way to my heart. Maybe one not so directly, Ms. O’Donnell.

CASEY

Forgive me, Marcus, and, yes, I have the fondest of feelings for you.

MARCUS

I’ll take it, but first I must rest my eyes.

Casey kisses Marcus as his eyes slowly close.

[Edward Lusk]

Ed’s QE Cycle scene # 5

LOGLINE – A dust bowl family cast suspicions over the apparent suicide of their father.

Essence – Even the most pious can fall victim to temptation.

EXT. OKLAHOMA DUST BOWL – FARM HOUSE – 1936 – MORNING

A line of drying laundry flaps in the dusty breeze. It’s splattered in blood. The farm house behind it stripped of paint from years of abrasion.

Lying in the dust, the body of a MAN dressed in best Sunday suit. Pools if blood congealing in the dirt.

A rifle propped up between his knees once pointed at what was his head now eviscerated by its large caliber bullet.

INT. FARM HOUSE – BEDROOM

BRANDY MOLES, 50’s ,awakens suddenly. Her years of prairie solitude tell her something is off. The indentation in the mattress next to her indicates her husband, Sedrek, is already awake yet the house is eerily quiet except for the TICKING of a clock off somewhere downstairs.

INT. FARM HOUSE – KITCHEN/LIVING ROOM

Floor boards CREEK as Brandy descend the back stairs dressed in an elaborate robe embroidered in large spring flowers. The first thing she sees is an empty kitchen table. No cigarettes butts smoldering in the ash tray, no news paper spread across the table, no coffee, and – no Sedrek.

She searches about the lace and chintz adorned house calling out.

BRANDY

Where’s that old fool gone off to know?… Sedrek?

I want my eggs!… Seddy!

It’s Sunday, you know I singing my solo at services today. Sedrek?

She stops at the fireplace. The spot above the mantel where the trusty Winchester rifle is mounted in empty. Only a dusty outline of the gun remains. She takes a hanky out of her pocket and wipes away the outline.

The front door blows open with a gust of wind. She goes to close it, then, freezes in her worn gold slippers A perfect pitched scream erupts from her well training diaphragm.

BRANDY

Sedrek!

EXT. FARM HOUSE

We see a police cruiser parked out front. An officer, MERREL MOLES, 30’s, leans over the body missing most of its head. The Winchester rifle held between his knees.

BRANDY

Is it Sedrek? Oh my dear god! Sedrek..my dearest! What have you done?

MERREL

Don’t come any closer, Ma! Stay in the house!

Merrel get’s up, trying to restrain his mother. She pushes him aside, runs up to the body. Another blood curling scream.

BRANDY

It’s him, isn’t it, Merrel? It’s Pa, I just know it is. That’s his pride and joy Winchester between his legs.

MERREL

Ma, where’s Phillip?…Phillip, where is he?

Brandy tries to focus. She turns away from the carnage.

BRANDY

Probably sleeping it off somewhere. That boys got no respect for the Lord or for his kin.

Hooch and whores, that’s all that matter to him.

MERREL

I saw him leaving the Bijou last night. Looked perfectly fine to me with Betty Sue on his arm.

BRANDY

Ha! Betty Sue. She ain’t one to talk to my Phillip, despite his short comings.


Merrel considers the corpse at his feet.

MERREL

Maybe now you should consider taking the government offer. Uncle Sam’s been buying up all the Okies land in the county. Can’t grow nothing in dust.

Merrel takes a sheet down from the laundry line and covers the man’s body.

BRANDY

This here is our home. Me and Pa’s,…well looks like just me. Don’t mean I have to stop having the church club laddies over for tea. The Lord gives it and the Lord takes it away.

A pick up truck comes racing up the dirt drive, a cloud of dust trailing it.

BRANDY

The devil is among us.

The pick up truck skids to a stop. PHILLIP MOLES , 30’s jumps out.

PHILLIP

Good morning, Merrel, Ma, some kind of trouble on this beautiful Sunday morning?

Brandy and Merrel step aside as Phillip lifts the sheet for a peak. He does, then turns and vomits, whipping his mouth with a fancy handkerchief.

PHILLIP

Excuse my weaknesses. I never had the intestinal fortitude one requires. I should have been here. I had no idea he’d commit such a sin.

BRANDY

Your Pa ain’t no sinner. He’s been tested, Lord knows. At least you found him, Merrel. That is some comfort to me.

Merrel examines the scene a little closer. He looks behind him, toward the house. Then back the body. He follows some imaginary line from the body to the house.

PHILLIP

Looks like the hound dog has found his scent. Do tell brother, what has peaked your curiosity so?

BRANDY

Just you hush.

Merrel arrives at the house. Looking closely at the walls around the door. Brandy and Phillip join him. Merrel takes a pocket knife out. He digs into the dried out wood. Pop! A slug from the wall lands in his palm. He holds it up for all to see.

PHILLIP

Clean shot. Through and through.

MERELL

Yeah, that it is. Except this here bullet is from a Colt 45, not a Winchester 30-30.

Merrel produces a small cotton sack and drops the bullet into it.

BRANDY

What’s that mean?

PHILLIP

It means, Ma, that you shouldn’t be saying anything else to Merrel on account it might look suspicious.

BRANDY

Suspicious of what?…Oh, you can’t be serious!

MERREL

Ma…When’s the last time you saw, Pa?

PHILLIP

Don’t answer that, Ma. Merrel, how about you go inside, put on some coffee? We can talk inside. I sure could use a cup and you make the best coffee.

Merrel considers the offer and heads in.

MERREL

Don’t touch anything.

Brandy looks Phillip searching for an answer.

PHILLIP

What dear brother Merrel is thinking Ma, is you made it look like Pa, killed himself with that there Winchester but the bullet Merrel dug out of the house is from the old Colt 45 you keep in the cookie jar.

BRANDY

Sweet Judas. We’re kin. He ain’t got no right and I’m a lady and a Christian. That slug could have been in the wall from when you kids were shooting whiskey bottles back when you were young-ins.

PHILLIP

The law don’t care about kin. I know we don’t always see eye to eye but let me do all the talking, okay? I love ya momma and I don’t want to see you frying like a Sunday egg in the electric chair in Oklahoma City.

BRANDY

Now that would be a show everyone would talk about. Your poor father. The stress must have been too much. Government jackasses coming by nonstop wanting to buy our land from right out from under our feet. Say they want to plant grass to keep the soil from blowing away. Pish-Posh!

PHILLIP

I do love this land. The way the sun come up in the morning. Endless horizons. I know it isn’t worth much but when you leave it to me, I’d be a good steward.

BRANDY

We ain’t got a will written. Just saying. You go on in. I’m going to say a prayer. My dear departed Sedrek Moles deserves at least that.

Phillip goes off into the house. Brandy studies Phillip’s pick up truck with keen interest. She heads off in that direction.

INT. KITCHEN

The table set with coffee pot and mugs. Merrel’s writing up his crime scene report when Phillip enters.

PHILLIP

I know I ain’t been the best son and brother, and maybe I’m a little selfish protecting Ma but what you are digging at is just plan crazy.

MERREL

Facts are facts and they aren’t lining up quite square.

Brandy enters.

BRANDY

To answer you question, Merrel, your father and I did what we do every Saturday night. We ate our dinner listening to his favorite radio show, “The Adventures of Sam Spade.” I don’t care for it, but your Pa sure loved that private detective. Follow the clues, he did. After that we read then went to bed. Normal as normal could be.

PHILLIP

He seemed okay to you, Ma? No remorses?

BRANDY

Your paw didn’t kill himself because your a jackass, Philipp. We’ve all gotten over the fact you’re hoping to marry Betty Sue and work for her rich Pa in town.

MERREL

And you, Phillip? Your whereabouts up until this morning’s arrival?

PHILLIP

What you need, Merrel is a motive. Pa never had an enemy in his life. Ma is right, Pa, just kept it all bundled up inside. Years of toiling this land just to have it blow away in the wind just too much to bear.

BRANDY

Merrel how about some cookies with your coffee? I baked some yesterday.

PHILLIP

Ma! I told you to hush.

Merrel goes to the cookie jar on the counter. Phillip braces himself.

MERREL

You got something against cookies, Phillip?

He opens the jar, reaches in and pulls out…cookies.

Phillip looks bewildered compared to Brandy’s coyness.

MERREL

There rumors going around that the government ain’t here to buy land and plant grass to slow the soil erosion. What folk’s are thinking is there’s oil under this worthless dirt, like they been finding down in Texas.

BRANDY & PHILLIP

Is that so?

MERREL

It is a rumor, that’s all. Now Phillip, after I saw you with Betty Sue leave the Bijou, you went into the diner, talking to some fella in a fancy suit. Now who might that have been?

PHILLIP

Just a stranger, asking for directions. Nothing nefarious about that, is there?

BRANDY

It is if that stranger left you any papers to sign?

PHILLIP

I told you, I don’t want your land. It’s yours until the day you die.

MERREL

Why don’t we take a look inside that truck of yours.


PHILLIP

I don’t deserve none of this. Look at you two, always ganging up on me.

EXT/INT. PHILLIP’S PICK UP TRUCK

Merrel opens the glove compartment of the pick up truck. Reaches in and removes the Colt 45.

He opens the chamber, looks inside. Smells it.

MERREL

Seems one shot has been fired. My blood hound nose says relatively soon.

BRANDY

How could you, Phillip? Your own flesh and blood. Saints preserve us!

PHILLIP

How you know that fella there dead in the dirt is even Pa? He ain’t got no head left.

Heads snap back in the direction of the house as a door SLAMS shut.

[Edward Lusk]

Ed’s Interest Scene

What I learned doing this assignment is so much of quality writing is in the preparation and planning. Much thought is required to design and scene that is interesting. It’s not easy, but I see I can make a scene more complex and creative using the brainstorming methods and interest techniques. With additional passes a scene will improve.

Logline:ene (put in the first line)

LOGLINE: Midway carny workers square off when a long held secret is revealed.

Interest technique ideas:

Suspense.There’s something illegal (drugs?) hidden inside Opal’s stuffed animal.

Appleman’s ride is broken, threatening it’s safe operation

Bad weather is threatening the fair’s success

Joey’s on his way to the fair with big news

Bernie Sue is selling drugs out of her carnival game

Zinger’s giant cannon is sabotaged

Opal is kidnapped – why by who? Reason? – Could be be Joey – real father.

B. Major twist. The carny operator announces goes out of business immediately

Random drug test by carny operator – is Appleman framed? Bernie busted?

Zinger proposes marriage to Bernie Sue

Bernie Sue threatens to leave Appleman and go back home

C. Surprise.Create (or identify) a predictable pattern, then shock us with an unexpected occurrence. This is easily done in a Setup / Surprise pattern.

Bernie Sue is not just a ride operator – she sells drugs from her stall

Bernie Sue is a prostitute

Appleman is a prostitute – male / female?

Zinger is undercover DEA – officer

Zinger is a vice officer

Opal finds the hidden item in her stuffed animal

D. Put in a More Interesting Setting –

Hurricane/Tornado baring down on carny camp

Carnival midway

Police station – jail? Interrogation rooms?

Livestock barn – on fire?

Future – fair on another planet

Historical – different time period than present day

E. Mislead / Reveal.

A character believed to be poor is rich

Appleman is not the father of Opal – back home, Joey, is

The scene is within a scene – movie set?

Opal is setting up Bernie Sue for a drug bust

Opal is directing customers to her mother’s drug dealings

Bernie Sue is actually with law enforcement

F. Superior Position / Dramatic Irony -Back home Joey – is the carny owner causing Appleman’s and Zinger’s feud

Appleman sabotages Zinger’s landing net.

Zinger is not a human cannon ball – he’s a undercover cop

Opal’s stuff animal contains a listening device

Joey is on his way to the fair – he has a picture of Opal tapped to his truck dash

G. Uncertainty — hope / fearAlternate hope and fear by revealing details that make the goal appear likely, then unlikely.

Appleman – hope – he can sabotage Zinger’s cannon to kill him

Appleman – fear – nearly caught in the act

Appleman’s hope – sabotages cannon

Appleman’s fear – weather will cancel the show

Bernie Sue’s Hope – a major drug deal, she can take Opal and leave Appleman

Bernie’s Sue’s Fear – she’ll get busted – sent to prison

Bernie sue’s Hope – Major drug deal set

Bernie Sue’s fear – she get killed making the deal

Zinger’s hope – he’ll catch the drug dealer – get out of this undercover

Zinger’s fear – the drug dealer’s is someone he knows

H. Intrigue –

Appleman’s interest in Zinger’s human cannon ball act

Zingers observation Opal doesn’t look like Appleman

Bernie Sue lying to Zinger about her money

Joey – Appleman’s drug test meddling

Mystery – How does Bernie Sue own a nice RV, strange for a game operator – drugs or is she just rich?

Who tampered with Zinger’s cannon , nearly killing him –

Who tipped off the authorities Bernie Sue’s selling drugs?

Who sent Appleman a letter now he’s suddenly suspicious of Bernie Sue’s intentions

How did Opal go missing – who did it? Why?

J. Cliffhanger A startling conclusion with a major hook. Who shot J.R.?

Joey shows up , what will he tell about he and Bernie Sue

Joey shows up and takes Opal away

K. Dilemma

Will Bernie Sue go after Opal or save Zinger from being killed by Appleman?

Will Opal confess what she knows about Zinger or let her mother get busted?

Will Opal accept a marriage proposal?

L. Something unseen – There is a listening device inside Opal’s stuffed animal.

There hidden contraband in Opal’s stuffed animal

There is a hidden camera inside Bernie Sue’s game

Home town Joey manipulating the principal characters

Scene:

EXT. CARNIVAL MIDWAY – INSIDE CANNON BARREL – NIGHT

We are looking out through the bore of a massive cannon. It’s a claustrophobic, dark space. The full moon is framed in the muzzle. The sounds of the midway echoes within the chamber. We see the eyes of ZINGER ,the Human Cannon Ball, staring back at us. He conveys what we are thinking – how nuts is this?

EXT. HUMAN CANNON BALL LANDING NET – NIGHT

A knife blade flashes in the light. We only see the hand that hold the knife as it cuts though the net tie-down lines.

EXT. CARNIVAL MIDWAY – NIGHT

The cannon rises . A hush falls over the crowd.

PA Announcer

…Six, Five, Four, Three, Two, One…

KA-BOOM – Zinger, patriotic jump suit and all, flies out of the cannon in a cloud of smoke and flash of fire. He sails through the air among the screams, landing in a net. He bounces back up. Upon the second landing the net rips. Zinger is dumped to the ground. TA-DA – he’s alright, shaken but waving to the crowd.

EXT. CARNY CAMP – NIGHT

Among the hodgepodge of tents and campers sits a diesel pusher, RV, complete with bistro lights and a patio cover. Here BERNIE SUE, and APPELMAN, are making out. Zinger stomps his way over to them interrupting the passion.

ZINGER

You, Appleman! I know you did it. Don’t screw with

My net again! You hear! I’ll fucking kill you.

APPLEMAN

Keep you voice down Zinger, and mind your cussing. The little ones are still up.

BERNIE SUE

Beer, Zinger? Been a long day.

Between his huffing and puffing, Zinger plops himself down in a lawn chair. She hands him a beer.

APPLEMAN

Your nets are old. You’re old. No one’s fussing with your lame ass act.

ZINGER

Bullshit! (quieter) Bullshit. You’re retaliating because Bernie Sue and me had a thing going on…

BERNIE SUE

…Oh keep me out of this. You boys want to kill each other you go right ahead but don’t do it over me. I ain’t that kind of lady.

Little OPAL jumps out of the RV. She the same girl as we see taped to the pickup truck’s dash. She grasped tightly the same stuffed animal, an iguana, she calls Iggy.

BERNIE SUE

There’s my little angel. Why aren’t you in bed?

OPAL

Iggy wants a drink of water.

APPLEMAN

And your daddy wants another beer.

ZINGER

I got this. Come on Opal, let’s get you and Iggy settled in.

APPLEMAN

Just hold on there, human nut ball. My daughter don’t need your charity.

ZINGER

I’m just being neighborly. Just because I live in a tent don’t make me less of a man than you Appleman.

BERNIE SUE

That’s enough! Appleman, shake Zinger’s hand and pledge a truce. I mean it. I ain’t going through another season with you two roosters cockfighting all the time.

Begrudgingly, they shake on the deal. Zinger takes Opal into the RV.

INT. BERNIE SUE’S RV

While Opal’s in the bathroom, Zinger zips open the stuffed iguana and inserts a listening device. A door slams. Zinger hurries up before Bernie Sue walks in. She saunters over.

BERNIE SUE

Now that is what I call a man.

They begin to kiss, first slowly then passionately up to the time Opal pops open the bathroom door breaking up the make out.

ZINGER

I’ll see you tomorrow. Night baby doll…night Iggy.

OPAL

Nighty night…

With a sly wink and a smile for Bernie Sue, Zinger leaves the RV passing Appleman on his way in. Bernie Sue and Appleman sit around the kitchen table.

INT. ZINGER’S TENT

Quickly Zinger turns on a small receiver and slips on headphones. He adjust the dials until the voices of Bernie Sue and Appleman crackle to life. He listens closely.

APPLEMAN (V.O)

What did you take in today?

BERNIE SUE (V.O.)

Another couple grand.

Appleman (V.O)

Not bad at all for stupid carny duck pond game.

BERNIE SUE (V.O)

Ducks on a pond, fentanyl sold under the table. Bless us Lord, for I’ve have sinned.

Zinger makes a couple of notes. He listen as the conversation continues…

INT. RV

APPLEMAN

Bernie Sue I’m worried you’re attacking too much attention. This RV is way out of reach for carny folks.

BERNIE SUE

Carny folks are plane gullible. I tell them I inherited from my folks and that’s all they care to hear. Now, how is it Zinger came walking into camp? Can’t you kill the bastard? I don’t trust him, no sir, not one bit. He ain’t carny, anyone can see that. He’s sniffing around too much.

APPLEMAN

Yea, candy folk don’t have nine lives like that fella do. I got me a special plan for tomorrow. Just you wait. That cannon going to shoot that SOB to the moon.

BERNIE SUE

I just may close up early to see that, sweetie cakes.

They go back to making out.

INT. ZINGER’S TENT

Zinger rips off his headphones. He’s doing all he can do keep inside the tent and not tear Appleman to pieces. He removes from his duffle bag a gun and his DEA shield.

EXT. CARNY CAMP

The pick up truck has arrived. The driver snaps off the photo of Opal from the dash. He opens the door and steps out. This is JOEY. He ambles through the camp softly calling out.

JOEY

Opal…Opal…Opal!

INT. RV

Appleman pulls away from Bernie Sue.

APPLEMAN

Show time. I got me a cannon to sabotage.

BERNIE SUE

You don’t kill him this time, I’ll kill you both.

APPLEMAN

I love when you talk sexy.

EXT. CARNY CAMP

Joey sneaking around, calling out Opal’s name until Zinger bounces out of his tent.

ZINGER

Who the fuck are you?

He sees the picture of Opal in Joey’s hand and snatched it.

ZINGER

Looking for little girls? How about I blow your head off, perv.

Zinger cocks his pistol, pointing it Joey’s face.

JOEY

(calmly)

You got the wrong idea mister. I got my business to attend to and you best mind yours.

APPLEMAN (O.S)

Now what the fuck. Zinger can’t you keep your nose clean?

ZINGER

This here stranger’s got a picture of Opal, knows her name too.

APPLEMAN

That so? Mister this here is a carny camp and we got what we call a carny court. Let’s go.

EXT. RV

Appleman, Zinger and Joey arrive at the RV patio. Bernie Sue exits with little Opal. She’s about to say something when her eyes land on Joey. She stiffens. She’s speechless.

Opal breaks free from Bernie Sue. She runs to Joey.

OPAL

Daddy…Daddy!

She jumps into his arms. Collectively, Appleman, and Zinger look at Bernie Sue, dumbstruck.

APPLEMAN

Daddy? Bernie Sue, something you need to tell me?

Zinger flashes his badge.

APPLEMAN

Oh shit!

Joey gets down on one knee. The ring box rests in his sweaty palm.

[Edward Lusk]

Ed’s reveals.

What I’ve learned doing this assignment is there are many ways now to improve a scene’s interest by using the reveal technique. By using the technique and answering the questions opens up possibilities I would have not thought of before. I noticed in concentrating writing the reveal design technique , I lost the use of character traits. No problem, I’ve learned by using the multiple passes, the scene will be improved with traits and other interest techniques. This will make a huge improvement to scene design and my writing quality.

Scene Logline – The hijacking of Kris’s sleigh by a mysterious visitor puts North Pole elves’ loyalties to the test.

INT. SANTA’S OFFICE – NORTH POLE – DAY

The room is in a panic. Vegard bounces between a laptop and sleigh control reference binders. Other executive elves run in and out of the room yelling into their smart phones. Alfreda impatiently circles, wanting answers – fast.

Kris calmly sits behind his elaborate desk smoking a pipe. The smoke forms circles rings around his head. Outside his window a shard of ice cracks off of the mountain, sliding into a chasm. He swivels and faces the chaos.

KRIS

How we doing elves?

The room settles down.

VEGARD

I don’t get it. The sleigh is not responding to any of my commands.

The override program is nonexistent. I’m going to try a hard reboot. That may

get us back online.

Alfreda looks over his shoulder.

ALFREDA

Do you at least have a lock on their location?

VEGARD

Negative. Most unfortunately the GPS tracking device was not installed before the boy

hijacked it. They could be anywhere.

KRIS

At least Samwise is on board. He’s clever enough to perhaps

bail us out of this mess.

ALFREDA

Samwise should be here! Not off joy riding. He could also tell just how the boy was able to get to the North Pole unescorterd. His access to the test site, unforgivable. You’re to blame for this Vegard!

VEGARD

He had to have help. No one just flies to the North Pole on a reindeer and waltzes into the stables.

ALFREDA

Unless they were invited to be here…The intern! The intern wasn’t an elf, it was the boy. It seems we’ve been duped.

VEGARD

But interns are only hand selected by…

KRIS

…Guilty as charged, Vegard. They boy is my special guest. His name is, Henry, and unknown to him, I believe he has the magical ability to save our melting home. Now, the taking of my sleigh was an unexpected complication. One that will require Vegard’s diligence to resolve – quickly.

ALFREDA

Vegard? This is clearly my job. Christmas is on the line. I alone can save it.

KRIS

Your methods give me pause, Alfreda.

ALFREDA

In other words you don’t trust me. Me, Alfreda, who brought you back from near obscurity. How dare you?

KRIS

It gives me no merriment, Alfreda. However, the preservation of our North Pole traditions and lore are more valuable than any hurt feelings.

VEGARD

I have no issue with Alfreda helping out.

KRIS

Alfreda needs to concentrate on the melting problem. She’s ignored it long enough.

ALFREDA

You think this boy is going to solve a problem that we’ve lived with for years? I’ve spent countless hours on every possible solution. It can’t be done!

KRIS

I believe otherwise. Henry is our last chance. I suggest Vegard get him, and my sleigh, back by Christmas Eve. Christmas shall not wait for us.

Alfreda storms off slamming the door on the way out.

VEGARD

She won’t handle it well when she finds out I am taking over her position next year.

KRIS

Sometimes elves must be given the freedom to fail in order to illuminate their true selves.

VEGARD

She’s no ordinary elf. I hope you’re right. Now about this magic the boy has…

End Scene

[Edward Lusk]

Ed’s Character Relationships

What I learned doing this assignment is the relationship between my protagonist, Henry and antagonist, Alfreda, is not good. At first pass I learned the relationship was not elevated, and lacked enough conflict to be dramatic. I still have not found the right mix of traits, but learned this is the process where I can experiment easily and find a dynamic trait mix to improve the relationship, in this case make it more opposing, less of good rapport to one that is opposing/negative.

HENRY – Adventurous, Impulsive, Stubborn, Determined

SAMWISE – Irritable, Humble, Evasive, Wise

ALFEDA – Insecure, Martyr, Confrontational, Loyal

EZRI – Scrupulous, Polite, Intelligent, Dismissive

HENRY/SAMWISE

Rapport: Samwise a humble, wise, elf, an irritable mentor when to come to the young Henry, impulsive and stubborn. Henry wants adventure, Samwise wants to avoid it.

Conflict: Henry’s impulsiveness conflicts against Samwise wiseness when it comes to Henry’s split second decisions giving little thought to the outcome.

Contrast:Henry’s adventurousness might contrast against Samwise’s humbleness. He goes along for the ride not the glory.

Competition: Henry’s determined to get things done, Samwise is evasive when it comes to committing to taking his part

Subtext: The age difference is reflected in their relationship, Samwise is a good mentor, humble and wise, if Henry was not so stubborn and impulsive.

HENRY/ALFREDA

Rapport: Henry’s adventurousness and impulsiveness only adds to Alfreda’s insecurity. She deals with it by lashing out (confrontations) , playing the victim. All her hard work being ruined by an impulsive boy.

Conflict: Henry’s stubbornness and Alfreda’s loyalty is in opposition. Alfreda’s loyal to Santa and North Pole traditions, while Henry stubbornness to return to sleigh, causing a conflict of interest.

Contrast: Henry’s impulsive, adventurous, nature leaves Alfreda feeling insecure about her own loyalty and position. Has she missed out?

Competition: Henry is determined just as Alfreda is confrontational. They set out to win for their own purpose and neither will back down.

Subtext: Alfreda’s the victim here. Her loyalty to the North Pole is being overshadowed by Henry’s adventures and stubbornness to give up. She needs validation and not getting it.

HENRY/EZRI

Rapport: Henry is taken down a notch when it comes to Ezri discounting his adventures and using her intellect to strike at his impulsive decisions.

Conflict: Henry finds his impulsive needs, compared to her polite, thoughtfulness.

Contrast: Henry determination slowed by Ezri’s scrupulous needs, she needs details first , Henry just wants to go. If Henry provides details they dismissed by the smarter Ezri.

Competition: Henry is stubborn when it comes to accepting Ezra’s intelligent views. Just because she’s right doesn’t mean he will go along with her. He’s determined to show her wrong. Ezri is too polite to correct him.

Subtext: Girls are smarter than boys but boys seek adventure more than understanding.

[Edward Lusk]

LOGLINE – An artist is confronted by another artist who is using her personal inspiration in an underhanded attempt to divulge her night of indiscretion with a married man.

ESSENCE – “Sculpture is what you bump into when you back up to see a painting.”— Barnett Newman

TRAIT CHANGED – Maxine – From Paranoid to Passionate

INT. ART SHOW – NIGHT

Artist mingle, nervous chatter fills the gallery. Their latest creations on display, ready for the curators, or easy marks. In one corner, a painter, RENEE, her face constantly puckered, fusses over refreshments on a small table under her latest painting, an impressionistic, male nude draped in a towel.

There’s a commotion across the way. A women, leads across the room, two men carrying a statue covered by a silk sheet. She is MAXINE, art personified, colorful wool shaw, statement eyewear, clunky jewelry. She brushes past RENEE, with a sneer into her exhibit space. She throws off her shaw and then spins, arms extended – Sound of Music style.

MAXINE

At last, at last, the opening! Another chance to show off one’s creative passion to those who simple don’t understand the pain they cause by their rejection.

RENEE

Good evening Maxine, I was worried you be a no show.

Maxine begrudgingly accepts Renee’s air kisses.

MAXINE

(to movers)

You don’t expect me to stand it upright. Set it down…there,… gently. This is a work of art, not a sofa gentleman.

The guys set the statue upright on a pedestal.

RENEE

Thank you gentlemen. Our show wouldn’t be a success if it weren’t for you. Refreshments?

The two men scurry away leaving the artist squaring off. Maxine admires Renee’s painting with a keen eye.

MAXINE

So this is him. The man of mystery and of deceit.

RENEE

I warned you of this, Maxine. It’s our little secret. Not one word more about the…inspiration for my piece.

MAXINE

It’s a piece alright. Inspired by a night of one’s indiscretion captured in acrylic, and rapture. Disgusting.

RENEE

A true artist captures the mood, in light, in color, and in brush strokes. Not with chisels and sledge hammers.

MAXINE

What you lack, Renee, is dimension, you hear me? Dimension. My art inhabits this space.

With a flourish, Maxine, strips off the silk sheet covering her statue. She surveys the room for any signs of disapproval to quell. It’s a stunning bronze sculpture of male, nearly nude. His lower half tantalizingly covered in the carved folds of a towel.

Renee’s face goes colder than it already is. She slowly circles the bronze statue. Taking it all in.

RENEE

But how? This is my model, (whispering) that’s my…Jay.

MAXINE

It’s Patsy’s, Jay. You coveted her husband for one lonely night while I, on the other hand, merely suggested he pose for me as I knew him more intimately now since you confessed your sins to me.

RENEE

You assume too much, Maxine, and I know a blackmailer when I see one.

MAXINE

It was guilt that compelled you transcribe the memory into fine brush strokes. Maybe you’d like to purchase my work? How divine. You can touch Jay whenever you want. Go ahead, feel him.

RENEE

It’s no mystery why you’re divorced.

MAXINE

Says the prudish slut. You know SHE is coming tonight. Won’t it be fun to watch her admire our works side by side. I’m curious to see if she recognizes her cheating husband captured in paint, or in bronze?

RENEE

I know it is Jay, and you know it is Jay. No one else can tell my painting is of Jay. That’s why I hold true the conventions of impressionism. It’s what the viewer observes based on many factors. A carver, like you, would never understand. Luckily for me you’re not so skilled. Your statue could be any average looking man.

MAXINE

Average!? You lack the eye for detail. Oh goody, there she is. Let the games begin.


Across the room, a women strolls along sipping champagne, mingling. She is PATSY.

RENEE

When she get’s here, not hints, no games. The unbiased eye and cloudless mind is the best way to consume the arts.

MAXINE

The best way to consume the arts is with one’s check book at the ready.

Patsy sidles up to Renee’s and Maxine’s corner of the gallery.

RENEE

Good evening. Are you enjoying the show? I have refreshments. Help yourself.

Patsy greets Renee’s painting with a dampened smile. Renee gently exhales. Patsy’s eyes narrow at the sight of Maxine’s sculpture.

PATSY

Is this your work, my dear?

MAXINE

My work, my life, my everything lasting peace.

PATSY

It’s um…it’s um…somewhat familiar to me, but I can’t place my finger on it. Yes, yes, quite the scoundrel, isn’t he?

MAXINE

I call him, “The Cad,” isn’t that amusing?

PATSY

You have a way with details I’ve never seen before. Something to to consider…yes…

Patsy glides along to the other half of the gallery.

RENEE

This is blatant revenge. Jay didn’t choose you that night, he choose me because I understand the way to a man’s heart. It’s my gift. This ridiculous trick of yours will backfire on you. I can tell you that.

A roguish looking MAN whispers in Renee’s ear.

MAN

I’d keep your voice down, if I were you.

Renee spins around.

RENEE

Jay! What are you doing here?

MAXINE

To say he likes expensive art, only to reject it for something cheaper before the evening ends.

JAY

Hello Maxine. I see you haven’t changed.

MAXINE

That depends and the view. However you have…

…Maxine steps aside revealing her statue in the likeness of Jay.

JAY

Oh my god. What have you done? Has my wife seen this?

PATSY (O.S)

Seen what dear?

They all turn and face the quizzical gaze from Patsy.

JAY

Patsy! I was just admiring the ladies’ works. So talented.

PATSY

Yes, this sculptor speaks to me. The impressionist painting is darling, just not my cup of tea.

RENEE

(under breadth)

I had your tea, it was tepid.

MAXINE

I know what it is saying…I’m the perfect statue for discriminating curators of the finest art.

Patsy studies the statue with greater detail. She puts on eye glasses that are strong around her neck.

PATSY

Look at this Jay, the statue has an appendix scar just like yours.

JAY

What a coincidence.

PATSY

The towel reads, (spelling) H. O. T. E. L… R.E.G. E…Hotel Regent! The same as our honeymoon. (studies the statue’s face closely)

Patsy lets out a loud YELP! Startling the others.

PATSY

I know exactly what is going on here.

RENEE/MAXINE/JAY

You do?

PATSY

Oh Jay, how romantic! When did you slip off to model for this exquisite sculpture for me? I simply adore surprises. It will go in our bedroom, right beside the Barcelo. Now settle up with this talented individual and I’ll see you all later at the reception.

Patsy saunters away. Jay slips his check book out from his breast pocket and slaps it across his hand.

JAY

How much?

MAXINE

For the statue, or for keeping secrets my dear?

END SCENE

[Edward Lusk]

Hi George,

You get a gold star just for taking on teenage girls as main characters. It’s an uncomfortable scene/situation. I get that feeling right from the start. This is the world where these people live bounded by/to their secrets. True to the essence. Great!

Traits & Subtexts:

RENEE

Traits

– Prissy – To Blunt

– Devious –

– Outgoing –

– Conformist –

Subtext: Renee is a devious person who believes she is entitled to win at any cost.

MAXINE

Traits

– Tricky –

– Snobbish –

– Paranoid –

– Emotionally Wounded –

Subtext: Maxine is a tricky woman who plots to get what she wants.

Renee – yes, blunt, no beating around the bush when it comes to attacking her sister, Maxine about who she’s screwing for iPhones. Demand knowing where Mom is driving them. She doesn’t shy away from being bulimic, quite blunt about why she doing it.

Renee – Devious – (underhanded) yes, trading her threat of betrayal for Maxine’s new iPhone, shrewd, and devious. You could use her deviousness also to try to trick mom into telling where she is going – on top of the bluntness.

Renee is talkative – making her outgoing, as well as speaking her mind. She’s not the type to clam up, so that good for the trait. You could make her more interested in going to the mall – because that is where her friends are and the interactions she is looking forward to.

Renee – conformist – I can see the attempt to stay skinny for the pageant as conforming. It’s not healthy, but that is the expectations for these events. (Usually) She also being a catty teenager, which is also conforming to the demographic. She’s not the type to be in science club and 4H.

Subtext – she has the deviousness, at opening she believes she is entitled to a new iPhone as Maxine is, that works. Not seeing much more entitlement past that exchange.

There is opportunity once Mom enters the car to embellish more of the traits and subtext. It’s more about where we are going, (good for mystery) but also the traits and subtext could work in more for the why, what.

Maxine

She a phone snob, I like that. Also, her disapproval of poor Ryan and his lot in life. Maxine is a piece of work for sure.

Maxine – Tricky – poor Ryan, she has this boy wrapped around her finger. I like that he’s the “something unseen”, as a technique too, brilliant way to show an interest technique and trait all together. I’d go a little deeper than Ryan’s end of the deal is hope for a score. This trick, has an opportunity to link the deal to something more profound.

Renee – wounded – interesting way she deals with losing her virginity. I like the way she creates her own reality. Typical of the times and great for illustrating the emotional wound she’s dealing with (or not)

Paranoid – You could elevate paranoia when Maxine threatens to tell Renee’s secret. Maxine is pretty calm that Renee won’t tell Ryan about her arrangement. This could be met with a hint paranoia – her behavior that everyone is out to get Maxine. She could be paranoid that everyone suspects she’s tricky, and a snob. Show Less confidence that she’s okay with these perceptions.

Like, Renee, you could maximize more Maxine’s reactions to when Mom, get’s in the car. More than likely Maxine knows because she told mom, Renee’s secret, she going to behave differently. She could be “tricky” by playing dumb, but there’s an opportunity to work in greater paranoia.

Subtext – you have it covered Maxine is a trickster, she also devious like her sister is too. Cross trait area there. Maybe – you could work in a way that Renee was tricked into this ride to the mall, as it not a ride to the mall, perhaps mom and Maxine are in on this trick. Which could elevate the overall paranoia trait that’s underserved.

Interest Techniques

Hook — Not getting a great opening hook. Perhaps use the opportunity of the photos on the new iPhone – is there a photo of Ryan? Philip? Something incriminating? A photo of Renee – why does she look so skinny? Photo of mom- why the worried look? Something that opens Maxine’s wound, or other trait. You could back up the opening into the house where Maxine and mom have a quick scene about – does Renee suspect anything, and leave it at that.

Dilemma — what to do about the secrets they know/share. They have choice to make or not – good. Will Maxine make good on her deal with Ryan, is there a new iPad in her future? Renee- can she overcome bulimia and still win a pageant. All good stuff.

Predictions — There’s enough banter about future boyfriends and innuendo regarding sexual conquest to pass the snuff test. Mom being upset predicts that this trip won’t end well.

Something unseen — Poor Ryan! He’s the subject of much gossip. We don’t know – visually that Renee is bulimic. Maybe you could allude to other symptoms – physical weakness, pale looking, using breath mints etc. Set up/reveal.

Mystery — I see the mystery of mom’s mission – where are we going – but that is not a what, or who, or a how. Anything else?

Creating a Future — Yes – the spilling of the beans has created the future playing out -that ‘s good. Again – once mom enters the car – the dynamics change, more opportunity there for possible crating future scenarios beyond she upset and we don’t know why.

Anticipatory Dialogue — Yes – with mom, enter the car – we wonder, or worry, or fear what she is up to. Expectations Maxine won’t make good on her deal with Ryan. Renee’s insight about Momma is just fine = no she is not!

Cliffhangers — A good one – cliff hanger and uncomfortable moment, as well. Whatever is going to happen in the parking lot won’t be pretty. You set this up well. There is empathy and understanding but the reactions, because of the traits illustrated, is going to be unpleasant. Nice !

Overall very good, unsettling group of characters, and situation. The subtext is coming through. I’d work on the opening, there’s opportunities there. And then once mom enters the car, added dynamics that can be further exploited. Thanks!

[Edward Lusk]

QE # 4

LOGLINE – An artist is confronted by another artist who is using her personal inspiration in an underhanded attempt to divulge her night of indiscretion with a married man.

ESSENCE – “Sculpture is what you bump into when you back up to see a painting.”

— Barnett Newman

TRAIT CHANGED – Maxine – From Paranoid to Passionate

INT. ART GALLERY – NIGHT

Artist mingle, nervous chatter fills the gallery. Their latest creations on display, ready for the curators, or easy marks. In one corner, a painter, RENEE, her face constantly puckered, fusses over refreshments on a small table under her latest painting, an impressionistic, male nude draped in a towel.

There’s a commotion across the way. A women, leads across the room, two men carrying a statue covered by a silk sheet. She is MAXINE, art personified, colorful wool shaw, statement eyewear, clunky jewelry. She brushes past RENEE, with a sneer into her exhibit space. She throws off her shaw and then spins, arms extended – Sound of Music style.

MAXINE

At last, at last, the opening! Another chance to show off one’s creative passion to those who simple don’t understand the pain they cause by their rejection.

RENEE

Good evening Maxine, not everywomen can pull off shepard chic.

Maxine begrudgingly accepts Renee’s air kisses.

MAXINE

(to movers)

You don’t expect me to stand it upright. Set it down…there,… gently. This is a work of art, not a sofa.

The men set the statue upright on a pedestal.

RENEE

Thank you gentlemen. Our show wouldn’t be a success if it weren’t for you. Refreshments?

The two men scurry away leaving the artist squaring off. Maxine admires Renee’s painting with a keen eye.

MAXINE

So this is him. The man of mystery and of deceit.

RENEE

I warned you of this, Maxine. It’s our little secret. Not one word more about the…inspiration for my piece.

MAXINE

It’s a piece alright. Inspired by a night of one’s indiscretion captured in acrylic, and rapture. Disgusting.

RENEE

A true artist captures the mood, in light, in color, and in brush strokes. Not with chisels and sledge hammers.

MAXINE

What you lack, Renee, is dimension, you hear me? Dimension. My art inhabits this space.

With a flourish, Maxine, strips off the silk sheet covering her statue. She surveys the room to quell any signs of disapproval. It’s a stunning bronze sculpture of male, nearly nude. His lower half tantalizingly covered in the carved folds of a towel.

Renee’s face goes colder than it already is. She slowly circles the bronze statue. Taking it all in.

RENEE

But how? This is my model, (whispering) that’s my…Jay.

MAXINE

It’s Patsy’s, Jay. You coveted her husband for one lonely night while I, on the other hand, merely suggested he pose for me as I knew him more intimately now since you confessed your sins.

RENEE

You assume too much, Maxine, and I know a blackmailer when I see one.

MAXINE

It was guilt that compelled you transcribe the memory into fine brush strokes. Maybe you’d like to purchase my work? How divine. You can touch Jay whenever you want. Go ahead, feel him.

RENEE

It’s no mystery why you’re divorced.

MAXINE

Says the prudish slut. You know SHE is coming tonight. Won’t it be fun to watch her admire our works side by side. I’m curious to see if she recognizes her cheating husband captured in paint, or in bronze?

RENEE

I know it is Jay, and you know it is Jay. No one else can tell my painting is of Jay. That’s why I hold true the conventions of impressionism. It’s what the viewer observes based on many factors. A carver, like you, would never understand. Luckily for me you’re not so skilled. Your statue could be any average looking man.

MAXINE

Average!? You lack the eye for detail. Oh goody, there she is. Let the games begin.


Across the room, a women strolls along sipping champagne, mingling. She is PATSY.

RENEE

When she get’s here, not hints, no games. The unbiased eye and cloudless mind is the best way to consume the arts.

MAXINE

The best way to consume the arts is with one’s check book at the ready.

Patsy sidles up to Renee’s and Maxine’s corner of the gallery.

RENEE

Good evening. Are you enjoying the show? I have refreshments. Help yourself.

Patsy greets Renee’s painting with a dampened smile. Renee gently exhales. Patsy’s eyes narrow at the sight of Maxine’s sculpture.

PATSY

Is this your work, my dear?

MAXINE

My work, my life, my ever lasting peace.

PATSY

It’s um…it’s um…somewhat familiar to me, but I can’t place my finger on it. Yes, yes, quite the scoundrel, isn’t he?

MAXINE

I call him, “The Cad,” isn’t that amusing?

PATSY

You have a way with details I’ve never seen before. Something to to consider…yes…

Patsy glides along to the other half of the gallery.

RENEE

This is blatant revenge. Jay didn’t choose you that night, he choose me because I understand the way to a man’s heart. It’s my gift. This ridiculous trick of yours will backfire on you. I can tell you that.

A roguish looking MAN whispers in Renee’s ear.

MAN

I’d keep your voice down, if I were you.

Renee spins around.

RENEE

Jay! What are you doing here?

MAXINE

To say he likes expensive art, only to reject it for something cheaper before the evening ends.

JAY

Hello Maxine. I see you haven’t changed.

MAXINE

That depends and the view. However you have…

…Maxine steps aside revealing her statue in the likeness of Jay.

JAY

Oh my god. What have you done? Has my wife seen this?

PATSY (O.S)

Seen what dear?

They all turn and face the quizzical gaze from Patsy.

JAY

Patsy! I was just admiring the ladies’ works. So talented.

PATSY

Yes, this sculptor speaks to me. The impressionist painting is darling, just not my cup of tea.

RENEE

(under breadth)

I had your tea, it was tepid.

MAXINE

I know what it is saying…I’m the perfect statue for discriminating curators of the finest art.

Patsy studies the statue with greater detail. She puts on eye glasses that are strong around her neck.

PATSY

Look at this Jay, the statue has an appendix scar just like yours.

JAY

What a coincidence.

PATSY

The towel reads, (spelling) H. O. T. E. L… R.E.G. E…Hotel Regent! The same as our honeymoon. (studies the statue’s face closely)

Patsy lets out a loud YELP! Startling the others.

PATSY

I know exactly what is going on here!

RENEE/MAXINE/JAY

You do?

PATSY

Oh Jay, how romantic! When did you slip off to model for this exquisite sculpture for me? I simply adore surprises. It will go in our bedroom, right beside the Barcelo. Now settle up with this talented individual and I’ll see you all later at the reception.

Patsy saunters away. Jay slips his check book out from his breast pocket and slaps it across his hand.

JAY

How much?

MAXINE

For the statue, or for keeping secrets my dear?

END SCENE

[Edward Lusk]

Thanks for the great notes. I will be more aware to not let other character’s traits leak over. Four is enough to manage! I did struggle with making Squire more evasive and yet keep the story going. Tough trait for me. Appreciate your time and talents, thanks. Ed

[Edward Lusk]

Hi JUDETH – here are my notes for your QE3 Draft 2 scene.

I like the balance between the grim situation and Squire’s & Nancy’s character’s traits coming through. A entertaining contrast. Right off there’s mystery and suspense, hook,: whistling man with a shovel, not the man expected, a women with a gun, and body in the drunk. I’m not sure who is the protagonist is, could be Squire or Nancy. Whoever, challenge more with another than the physical , which is covered nicely, add in a wound ,or value. Seems like the need, or goal, is to dispose of the body, ASAP.

Squire and Nancy traits are coming through well. I get a real feel for Squire’s carefree, seductiveness, while evading what happened to Charlie. Nancy’s comes on with her stubbornness , not wanting to help, confrontational tone. Then she comes around to Squire’s charms, helping him. Nice transition, did not seemed forced.

The cliffhanger, why Nancy and Squire are killed by Louise and Charlie, why did they set them up? It’s a bit abrupt, but a surprise ! This could be better developed into a Creating a future moment. We know they did not show up, but we don’t see any chance they “could” show up and why. This might be worked in. Same with a, Prediction. If there’s a mention, or worry expressed, if they , Charlie, Louise, somehow got involved, the consequences would be bad.

Could there be a dilemma? What if Nancy wants to leave, or Squire doesn’t dig, what added complexities would this mean to either character? The noise in the woods (good something unseen), maybe Squire wants to go investigate but Nancy forces him to stay, what if Squire forces the issue by refusing to dig, unless he goes. Maybe he wants to go to the bathroom (uncomfortable moment?) There’s an opportunity to add some complexity to the something unseen and add subtext/traits.

I love the tone and immediately being drawn in by the situation and strong start by the characters & traits. There’s opportunity to create more Interest techniques by taking advantage of the situation further with added values, wound, etc. and developing the threat & mystery to Squire and Nancy because Louise and Charlie being absent. Are either of them there because of their values or a wound? Charlie and Louise arrival will still be a surprise and leave a cliffhanger. It’s more about using anticipatory dialogue than spoiling the ending. Thanks!

Ed

[Edward Lusk]

KRISTINA’s SCENE DRAFT 2 NOTES….

Hi Kristina, great scene, I like the playful mood through out. You could’ve gone darker with it, but I like that you stayed more comical and fun. Makes sense for a gen Z/millenial characters.

The suspiciousness of Squire at the beginning sets up the mood of intrigue and hooks us into if Squire is just inexperienced or something else going on because of the authorities present on the dock makes him nervous. The subplot of Nancy and her competitor Eliza adds a nice layer of motivation, character needs, and adds to her traits of scheming. Lots of physical activities provides for the situations.

You could go further with the physical. Maybe at the beginning when they departing the boat won’t start – builds suspense. Or maybe create a dilemma, Nancy – forget something and leave the boat, authorities are coming, Squire go to go but doesn’t want to leave her, etc. maybe when Nancy get’s on she catches Squire doing something that relates to the meet up but we don’t know that yet – the something unseen, or create a awkward moment, or both.

Also in the situation Nancy and Squire have goals, opposite ones too, great! You might be able boost the situation with Squire. We know he has to make the meet-up and avoid the authorities. Perhaps if we knew more about the consequences of not making the meet up. Would that help impact the sinking of the boat more and his decision to do it so easily? If his grandfather prized the boat for than life itself, this would create a bad moment for Squire. I’d have Nancy panic more over the sinking. It’s a big deal to be taken out in the ocean then suddenly your captain is scuttling the boat. I like the cliffhanger, we don’t know what will happen once the authorities arrived. What if the drugs, I assume, are on the boat, bobbed up to the surface? Another layer of trouble for them both.

NANCY

Traits

– Confrontational – orders Squire around.

– Stubborn – not leaving the boat at opening (consider not getting off the sinking boat), not wanting/allowing the detour.

– Scheming – scooping her class, Eliza, negotiating with Squire. Going along with the sinking.

– Caring -About grandfather, whales, marine life,

Subtext: Nancy is a scheming lady who is covertly competitive with peers. – No doubt!

SQUIRE

– Evasive – opening , is he or not Jack? Nature of the meet up plans,

– Selfish – Sinks boat to save himself. Getting Nancy in trouble for his deal gone bad

– Happy-go-lucky – easily sinks grandad’s boat! No put out with Nancy coming along on his secret run. No worries attitude

– Seductive – a little on the nose, but we get it. Could develop more. Takes his shirt off? Brags about his girlfriend/conquests? Making Nancy jealous, etc.

Subtext: Squire is a seductive guy who uses uses his charm to control others. – I go deeper with this build more chemistry of attraction with him. One of those love/hate relationships for Nancy is developing more.

Great scene, able to get the situation, interest techniques and traits covered in an entertaining, quick pace scene. I’d think about how elevate the physical more, introduce a wound, either character – Where’s Squire’s father? Are they estranged? Maybe he’s in prison and the deal Squire is doing is related to that? We know Nancy has values, if Squire’s where more defined that could add drama.

Ed

[Edward Lusk]

Ed’s QE Cycle # 3 – DRAFT # 2.

Logline – On the morning of a big wedding, a florist morning takes a turns for the worst, or does it?

Essence – with friends like this who needs enemies

INT. FLOWER SHOP – DAY

SQUIRE, 20’s, is surrounded by cut flowers and various floral displays in different stages of assembly. He’s busy arranging while sing-talking into a speaker phone.

SQUIRE

Jamie? Why don’t you pick up? Where are you? I’m not panicking- yet, today is the day.

The Richmond/Raymond wedding. Remember? It’s big, it’s splashy, and famous, not to mention it means the world to me on so many different levels. Please get your cute ass in here ASAP! Bu-bye.

The bell over the door jingles. NANCY, 40’s enters, her arms are full of supplies. She dumps them on the sorting table in a huff. She has large bruise across her face.

SQUIRE

Pumpkin, your beautiful face ——

NANCY

—— Somehow I knew I’d end up here this morning. Squire, I warned you about this.

SQUIRE

Love you too, Nancy. Start with the table arrangements, pleeeease.

NANCY

Listen and learn darling. The wedding party’s flowers are done first, then the wedding, then the reception. Unless you have a better idea?

She starts roughly sorting through vases of flowers, cutting down stems, plucking off leaves. He movements deliberate, intense.

NANCY

God, I told you, don’t hiring him just because he’s cute. But noooo. Why listen to your best friend? Answer – because said friend can be relied on to show up and save your ass – again.

SQUIRE

Someone’s in a mood. Let’s just have fun with flowers. This is going to be a romantic day!

NANCY

I slipped in the shower, okay? You need proof? (Eyeing an arrangement) These are all wrong, by the way.

Nancy tears into a completed arrangement. Squire tangles with her to stop it. A thorn rips into his finger. He playfully sucks on the finger. He bats his big brown eyes, the dimples debut.

NANCY

Sweetie, you’re cute, but you’re gay. Whatever this is…ain’t happening.

SQUIRE

Just kidding. I’m a florist not a mortician, although I may need one if this wedding tanks. I hope Jamie’s okay. Do you think I should leave and check on him?

NANCY

Let’s see, on one hand you have the wedding of the year that will make you famous and on the other you have missing numb-nuts who can’t tie his shoe and chew gum.

SQUIRE

I’d better stay. I’m sure he’ll show up soon.

The door bell jingles again. A perplexed look crosses Squire’s face. A handsome man, 30’s, dressed in tuxedo, enters the shop. This is JONATHAN RICHMOND, one of the grooms. He’s disheveled and looks to have been crying.

NANCY

The plot thickens.

JONATHAN

How are you guys?

SQUIRE

Jonathan, you’re scaring me. Where’s Martin?

JONATHAN

Didn’t Jamie tell you?

SQUIRE

Jamie? Tell me what? I’ve been trying to reach him all morning.

Nancy busies herself with an arrangement.

JONATHAN

That’s strange. When I talked to him he said he would talk to Nancy and you guys would figure it out…Sorry.

SQUIRE

Oh Nancy, care to comment?

Nancy comes around the counter and embraces Jonathan in a big hug.

NANCY

Oh, sweetie. I’m so, so, sorry. Are you okay?

All puppy eyes, Nancy ignores him, as she kisses him on the cheek then tucks a rose into Jonathan’s lapel. She winks at him.

JONATHAN

Your face….

SQUIRE

She slipped in the shower…Someone want to fill in the charming, but dumfounded florist, on what’s going on? I think I missed an episode.

NANCY

The wedding is postponed——

JONATHAN

——It’s off.

NANCY

——I said, postponed.

SQUIRE

Ummm…are you two getting married? Because this sounds like a fight to me.

NANCY

I did want to say anything Squire, in the hope they’d work things out. I mean why not give love a chance? It’s worked before.

Jonathan locks eyes on Squire. He raises and eyebrow and flashes that devilish smile. They have a history.

JONATHAN

I’m guessing I won’t get my payment back?

SQUIRE

Jonathan, honey, you owe me a lot more than the down payment.

JONATHAN

Tempting but…Whoa. That’s not what Jamie told me. Right Nancy?

SQUIRE

My dear friend does not represent the Garden of Eden. She has other more, unrefined, business matters to attend to.

NANCY

Oh grow up Squire. You were out and I wasn’t about to let the biggest order in your life walk out the door. Given Martin’s money problems, and Jamie looking like a deer on the headlights, I took action. I told Jonathan it would be alright for a down payment and the balance due after the wedding. It was on odds on favorite things would work out. Oops.

SQUIRE

His is my shop! These are my decisions to make. If I wanted your help, I’d ask for it.

NANCY

Sweetie, you’re way in over your head. Business is not your forte, it’s okay. Go back to stripping, meet a rich man, sell your soul to the devil. Be like a normal person.

JONATHAN

I’ll take that under advisement, Nancy, Thank you….Jonathan, what happened?

JONATHAN

Martin lost the honeymoon money betting on a football game. I love him but I just can’t trust him anymore. It’s over.

NANCY

When god gives you lemons, you make lemonade. Am I right you two?

SQUIRE

Martin? The interior designer, bets on football games? What the Shonda Rhimes is going on?

The next thing you’re going to tell me is Jamie is somehow involved in this.

A beat. Eyes diverted to the floor.

NANCY

I’m only the bookie. It’s not my fault the adorable idiot bet the wrong team.

Squire taps on the computer. His fingers taps around the screen following the flow of accounting transactions.

SQUIRE

I see where Jamie got the money.

NANCY

Yea that part was really stupid on his part. At least now he only owe’s me two grand.

SQUIRE

And yet again you neglected to tell me?

Nancy feigns innocence. The phone rings.

SQUIRE

What else can go wrong today?….(answers) Hello, Garden of Eden, this is Squire…

He listen’s intently, then hangs up.

SQUIRE

That was Martin…Jamie is in the hospital…he said Nancy put him there?

JONATHAN

Squire, how about going to brunch? There’s so much to get caught up on.

Nancy twirls around a pair of pruning sheers, a malevolent twinkle in her eye.

END SCENE

[Edward Lusk]

Ed’s QE Cycle # 3 – DRAFT # 2.

Logline – On the morning of a big wedding, a florist morning takes a turns for the worst, or does it?

Essence – with friends like this who needs enemies

INT. FLOWER SHOP – DAY

SQUIRE, 20’s, is surrounded by cut flowers and various floral displays in different stages of assembly. He’s busy arranging while sing-talking into a speaker phone.

SQUIRE

Jamie? Why don’t you pick up? Where are you? I’m not panicking- yet, today is the day.

The Richmond/Raymond wedding. Remember? It’s big, it’s splashy, and famous, not to mention it means the world to me on so many different levels. Please get your cute ass in here ASAP! Bu-bye.

The bell over the door jingles. NANCY, 40’s enters, her arms are full of supplies. She dumps them on the sorting table in a huff. She has large bruise across her face.

SQUIRE

Pumpkin, your beautiful face ——

NANCY

—— Somehow I knew I’d end up here this morning. Squire, I warned you about this.

SQUIRE

Love you too, Nancy. Start with the table arrangements, pleeeease.

NANCY

Listen and learn darling. The wedding party’s flowers are done first, then the wedding, then the reception. Unless you have a better idea?

She starts roughly sorting through vases of flowers, cutting down stems, plucking off leaves. He movements deliberate, intense.

NANCY

God, I told you, don’t hiring him just because he’s cute. But noooo. Why listen to your best friend? Answer – because said friend can be relied on to show up and save your ass – again.

SQUIRE

Someone’s in a mood. Let’s just have fun with flowers. This is going to be a romantic day!

NANCY

I slipped in the shower, okay? You need proof? (Eyeing an arrangement) These are all wrong, by the way.

Nancy tears into a completed arrangement. Squire tangles with her to stop it. A thorn rips into his finger. He playfully sucks on the finger. He bats his big brown eyes, the dimples debut.

NANCY

Sweetie, you’re cute, but you’re gay. Whatever this is…ain’t happening.

SQUIRE

Just kidding. I’m a florist not a mortician, although I may need one if this wedding tanks. I hope Jamie’s okay. Do you think I should leave and check on him?

NANCY

Let’s see, on one hand you have the wedding of the year that will make you famous and on the other you have missing numb-nuts who can’t tie his shoe and chew gum.

SQUIRE

I’d better stay. I’m sure he’ll show up soon.

The door bell jingles again. A perplexed look crosses Squire’s face. A handsome man, 30’s, dressed in tuxedo, enters the shop. This is JONATHAN RICHMOND, one of the grooms. He’s disheveled and looks to have been crying.

NANCY

The plot thickens.

JONATHAN

How are you guys?

SQUIRE

Jonathan, you’re scaring me. Where’s Martin?

JONATHAN

Didn’t Jamie tell you?

SQUIRE

Jamie? Tell me what? I’ve been trying to reach him all morning.

Nancy busies herself with an arrangement.

JONATHAN

That’s strange. When I talked to him he said he would talk to Nancy and you guys would figure it out…Sorry.

SQUIRE

Oh Nancy, care to comment?

Nancy comes around the counter and embraces Jonathan in a big hug.

NANCY

Oh, sweetie. I’m so, so, sorry. Are you okay?

All puppy eyes, Nancy ignores him, as she kisses him on the cheek then tucks a rose into Jonathan’s lapel. She winks at him.

JONATHAN

Your face….

SQUIRE

She slipped in the shower…Someone want to fill in the charming, but dumfounded florist, on what’s going on? I think I missed an episode.

NANCY

The wedding is postponed——

JONATHAN

——It’s off.

NANCY

——I said, postponed.

SQUIRE

Ummm…are you two getting married? Because this sounds like a fight to me.

NANCY

I did want to say anything Squire, in the hope they’d work things out. I mean why not give love a chance? It’s worked before.

Jonathan locks eyes on Squire. He raises and eyebrow and flashes that devilish smile. They have a history.

JONATHAN

I’m guessing I won’t get my payment back?

SQUIRE

Jonathan, honey, you owe me a lot more than the down payment.

JONATHAN

Tempting but…Whoa. That’s not what Jamie told me. Right Nancy?

SQUIRE

My dear friend does not represent the Garden of Eden. She has other more, unrefined, business matters to attend to.

NANCY

Oh grow up Squire. You were out and I wasn’t about to let the biggest order in your life walk out the door. Given Martin’s money problems, and Jamie looking like a deer on the headlights, I took action. I told Jonathan it would be alright for a down payment and the balance due after the wedding. It was on odds on favorite things would work out. Oops.

SQUIRE

His is my shop! These are my decisions to make. If I wanted your help, I’d ask for it.

NANCY

Sweetie, you’re way in over your head. Business is not your forte, it’s okay. Go back to stripping, meet a rich man, sell your soul to the devil. Be like a normal person.

JONATHAN

I’ll take that under advisement, Nancy, Thank you….Jonathan, what happened?

JONATHAN

Martin lost the honeymoon money betting on a football game. I love him but I just can’t trust him anymore. It’s over.

NANCY

When god gives you lemons, you make lemonade. Am I right you two?

SQUIRE

Martin? The interior designer, bets on football games? What the Shonda Rhimes is going on?

The next thing you’re going to tell me is Jamie is somehow involved in this.

A beat. Eyes diverted to the floor.

NANCY

I’m only the bookie. It’s not my fault the adorable idiot bet the wrong team.

Squire taps on the computer. His fingers taps around the screen following the flow of accounting transactions.

SQUIRE

I see where Jamie got the money.

NANCY

Yea that part was really stupid on his part. At least now he only owe’s me two grand.

SQUIRE

And yet again you neglected to tell me?

Nancy feigns innocence. The phone rings.

SQUIRE

What else can go wrong today?….(answers) Hello, Garden of Eden, this is Squire…

He listen’s intently, then hangs up.

SQUIRE

That was Martin…Jamie is in the hospital…he said Nancy put him there?

JONATHAN

Squire, how about going to brunch? There’s so much to get caught up on.

Nancy twirls around a pair of pruning sheers, a malevolent twinkle in her eye.

END SCENE

[Edward Lusk]

Ed’s QE Cycle Scene # 3 – First Draft

Logline – On the morning of a big wedding, a florist’s morning takes a turns for the worst, or does it?

Essence – with friends like these who needs enemies?

INT. FLOWER SHOP – DAY

SQUIRE, 20’s, is surrounded by cut flowers and various floral displays in different stages of assembly. He’s busy arranging while sing-talking into a speaker phone.

SQUIRE (into phone)

Jamie? Why don’t you pick up? Where are you? I’m not panicking- yet, today is the day.

The Richmond/Raymond wedding. Remember? It’s big, it’s splashy, and famous, not to mention it means the world to me on so many different levels. Please get your cute ass in here ASAP!

Squire hangs up. The bell over the door jingles. NANCY, 40’s enters, her arms are full of supplies. She dumps them on the sorting table in a huff. She has large bruise across her face.

SQUIRE

Pumpkin, your beautiful face ——

NANCY

—— Somehow I knew I’d end up here today. Squire, I warned you about this.

SQUIRE

Love you too, Nancy. Start with the table arrangements, pleeeease.

NANCY

I’m doing the bouquets first. This is how you plan effectively – The wedding party flowers first, then the wedding, then reception. Unless you have a better idea?

She starts roughly sorting through vases of flowers, cutting down stems, plucking off leaves. He movements deliberate, intense.

NANCY

God, I told you, don’t hiring him just because he’s cute. But noooo. Why listen to your best friend? Answer – because said friend can be relied on to show up and save your ass – again.

SQUIRE

Someone’s in a mood. Let’s just have fun with flowers. This is going to be a great day!

NANCY

I slipped in the shower, okay? You need proof? (Eyeing an arrangement) These are all wrong by the way.

Nancy tears into a completed arrangement. Squire tangles with her to stop it. A thorn rips into his finger. He playfully sucks on the finger. He bats his big brown eyes, the dimples debut.

NANCY

Sweetie, you’re cute, but you’re gay. Whatever this is…ain’t happening.

SQUIRE

Just trying to keeping things light. I’m a florist not a mortician, although I may need one if this wedding tanks.

The door bell jingles again. A handsome man, 30’s, dressed in tuxedo, enters the shop. This is JONATHAN RICHMOND, one of the grooms. He’s disheveled and looks to have been crying.

NANCY

The plot thickens.

JONATHAN

How are you guys?

SQUIRE

Jonathan, you’re scaring me. Where’s Martin?

JONATHAN

Didn’t Jamie tell you?

SQUIRE

Jamie? Tell me what? I’ve been trying to reach him all morning.

JONATHAN

That’s strange. When I talked to him he said he would talk to Nancy and you guys would figure it out…Sorry.

SQUIRE

Oh Nancy, Is there something you need to say?

Nancy embraces Jonathan in a big hug.

NANCY

Oh, sweetie. I’m so, so, sorry. Are you okay?

JONATHAN

What happened to your face?

All puppy eyes, Nancy ignores him, as she tucks a flower into Jonathan’s lapel.

SQUIRE

Someone want to fill in the charming, but dumfounded florist, on what’s going on?

NANCY

The wedding is postponed——

JONATHAN

——It’s off.

NANCY

——I said, postponed.

SQUIRE

Ummm…are you two getting married? Because this sounds like a fight to me.

NANCY

I did want to say anything Squire, in the hope they’d work things out. I mean why not give love a chance? It’s worked before.

Jonathan locks eyes on Squire. He raises an eyebrow and flashes that devilish smile. They have a history.

JONATHAN

I’m guessing I won’t get the down payment back?

SQUIRE

Jonathan, honey, you owe me a lot more than the down payment.

JONATHAN

Tempting but…Whoa…That’s not what Jamie told us. Right Nancy?

SQUIRE

Nancy? My dear friend does not represent the Garden of Eden. She has other business matters to attend to.

NANCY

Oh grow up Squire. You were out and I wasn’t about to let the biggest order in your life walk out the door. Given Martin’s money problems, and Jamie looking like a deer on the headlights, I took action. I told Jonathan it would be alright for a down payment and the balance due after the wedding.

SQUIRE

His is my shop! If I wanted your help, I’d ask for it.

NANCY

Like today? Sweetie, you’re way in over your head. Business is not your forte, it’s okay. Go back to stripping, meet a rich man, sell your soul to the devil. Be a normal person.

JONATHAN

I take that under advisement, Nancy, Thank you….Jonathan, what happened?

JONATHAN

Martin lost the honeymoon money betting on a football game. I love him but I just can’t trust him anymore. It’s over.

NANCY

When god give you lemons, you make lemonade. Isn’t that right you two?

SQUIRE

Martin? The interior designer, bets on football games? Hell has frozen over.

The next thing you’re going to tell me is Jamie is somehow involved in this too.

A beat. Eyes diverted to the floor.

NANCY

I’m only the bookie. It’s not my fault the adorable idiot bet the wrong team.

Squire taps on the computer. His finger tracing around the screen following the flow of accounting transactions.

SQUIRE

I see where Jamie got the money.

NANCY

Yea that part was really stupid on his part. At least he only owe’s me two grand now.

SQUIRE

And yet again you neglected to tell me about this?

Nancy feigns innocence. The phone rings.

SQUIRE

What else can go wrong today?….(answers) Hello, Garden of Eden, this is Squire…

He listen’s intently, then hangs up.

SQUIRE

That was Martin…Jamie is in the hospital…he said Nancy put him there?

JONATHAN

Squire, we can go see him…how about after brunch? There’s so much to get caught up on.

Nancy twirls around a pair of pruning sheers, with a malevolent twinkle in her eye above the bruise.

END SCENE

• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by  Edward Lusk.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by  Edward Lusk.

[Edward Lusk]

Ed Lusk – Max Interest 2

How I learned to improve my writing doing this assignment is gaining a whole new perspective on how to approach a scene, keep the essence and yet make it more interesting. Prior to this assignment I would not have written this scene this way. It took little time to come up with a higher level of quality and creativity.

Scene Essence – fact or fable?

Logline – Police interview Ezri and Henry’s parents about his sudden disappearance.

INT. PELZNICKEL KITCHEN – DAY

Ezri, Frank, Carol are interviewed by Sheriff Jim, here to gather the facts surrounding Henry’s disappearance.

SHERIFF JIM

Please understand my being here is a courtesy to Frank. Technically a person is not – missing- until twenty four hours. I’m sure Henry will show up this morning. I mean how far could a ten year go?

EZRI

A person as enterprising as Henry can get quite far. He’s has an eight hour lead, Sheriff. I wouldn’t be surprised he made it as far as Spokane by now.

CAROL

Ezri, please. Now tell us what you saw last night and don’t embellish.

EZRI

Well, I was applying my skin regime when I looked out the window and saw Henry climbing up to the roof. I was immediately worried given what happened today. I was afraid he might hurt himself.

SHERIFF JIM

Why would he? Has he tried to hurt himself in the past?

FRANK

Come on, Jim. You know Henry wouldn’t do that.

SHERIFF JIM

Ezri, has Henry tried to hurt himself before?

EZRI

Well, there was that time surfing at Long Beach when he went under.

Ezri takes a sip of her double latte, she’s one calm kid.

FRANK

That was an accident! Henry would never…

CAROL

Enzri, you are far too young to be making that kind of judgement. It’s very unfair.

SHERIFF JIM

Go on, Ezri…

EZRI

He was feeling quite blue that day. He said his Dad,…Mr. Pelznikel, was so busy with the trying to save the business he doesn’t even know Henry exists therefore why should he.

FRANK

That’s insane!

CAROL

Frank, easy. I don’t think Ezri would make this up. There’s no point to it…

FRANK

…She’s obviously covering for him! She knows where Henry is. Jim, can’t you arrest her, or something?

Frank’s phone rings. They all silently suspect it might be from Henry.

FRANK

It’s the office. I better take this.

SHERIFF JIM

Seriously Frank?

Carol give him the stink eye. Frank thinks it over and doesn’t answer the phone after all.

SHERIFF JIM

Let’s get back to last night. You said you saw Henry climbing up onto the roof. What happened next?

EZRI

It’s a little fuzzy…I didn’t have my glasses on but I could make out the shapes. Henry climbed up on some animal, some beast. Then swoosh!

SHERIFF JIM

Swoosh?

EZRI

Swoosh, he and the animal flew away. Right past my window then up into the sky. It was kind of fantastic really. There was the sound jingle of bells…

FRANK

That’s it? You’re saying Henry flew away? On a reindeer? Tell me where my son is! Stop this nonsense!

CAROL

Ezri, you’ve got too far. This is not a game.

EZRI

I understand. Adults can naturally be suspicious but there is a simple solution.

FRANK

Oh? Please tell us. I have a son that your protecting and a business that’s failing. I’d like to have them both back.

EZRI

Go up to the roof. See for yourself. The footprints should still be there.

Glances around the room vindicate her suggestion.

SHERIFF JIM

Well, guys, let’s go take a look.

With that they follow Jim out of the kitchen.

Scene Essence – fact or fable?

Logline – Sheriff Jim interviews Ezri, Henry’s parents, Frank & Carol, about his mysterious disappearance last night.

INT. PELZNICKEL KITCHEN – DAY

Ezri, Frank, Carol, are interviewed by Sheriff Jim. He’s here to gather the facts surrounding Henry’s disappearance.

SHERIFF JIM

Please understand my being here is a courtesy to Frank. Technically a person is not – missing- until twenty four hours. I’m sure Henry will show up this morning. I mean how far could a ten year go?

EZRI

A person as enterprising as Henry can get quite far. He’s has an eight hour lead, Sheriff. I wouldn’t be surprised he made it as far as Spokane by now.

CAROL

Ezri, please. Now tell us what you saw last night and don’t embellish.

EZRI

Well, I was applying my skin regime when I looked out the window and saw Henry climbing up to the roof. I was immediately worried given what happened today. I was afraid he might hurt himself.

SHERIFF JIM

Why would he? Has he tried to hurt himself in the past?

FRANK

Come on, Jim. You know Henry wouldn’t do that.

SHERIFF JIM

Ezri, has Henry tried to hurt himself before?

EZRI

Well, there was that time surfing at Long Beach when he went under.

Ezri takes a sip of her double latte, she’s one calm kid.

FRANK

That was an accident! Henry would never…

CAROL

Enzri, you are far too young to be making that kind of judgement. It’s very unfair.

SHERIFF JIM

Go on, Ezri…

EZRI

He was feeling quite blue that day. He said his Dad,…Mr. Pelznikel, was so busy with the trying to save the business he doesn’t even know Henry exists therefore why should he.

FRANK

That’s insane!

CAROL

Frank, easy. I don’t think Ezri would make this up. There’s no point to it…

FRANK

…She’s obviously covering for him! She knows where Henry is. Jim, can’t you arrest her, or something?

Frank’s phone rings. They all silently suspect it might be from Henry.

FRANK

It’s the office. I better take this.

SHERIFF JIM

Seriously Frank?

Carol give him the stink eye. Frank thinks it over and doesn’t answer the phone after all.

SHERIFF JIM

Let’s get back to last night. You said you saw Henry climbing up onto the roof. What happened next?

EZRI

It’s a little fuzzy…I didn’t have my glasses on but I could make out the shapes. Henry climbed up on some animal, some beast. Then swoosh!

SHERIFF JIM

Swoosh?

EZRI

Swoosh, he and the animal flew away. Right past my window then up into the sky. It was kind of fantastic really. There was the sound jingle of bells…

FRANK

That’s it? You’re saying Henry flew away? On a reindeer? Tell me where my son is! Stop this nonsense!

CAROL

Ezri, you’ve got too far. This is not a game.

EZRI

I understand. Adults can naturally be suspicious but there is a simple solution.

FRANK

Oh? Please tell us. I have a son that your protecting and a business that’s failing. I’d like to have them both back.

EZRI

Go up to the roof. See for yourself. The footprints should still be there.

Glances around the room vindicate her suggestion.

SHERIFF JIM

Well, guys, let’s go take a look.

With that they follow Jim out of the kitchen.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by  Edward Lusk.

[Edward Lusk]

Ed’s Challenging Situations.

What I learned that is improving my writing is how having this structure and process enables a scene to be rewritten easily. Before I felt a need to rewrite a scene but had no idea where or how to start. This process is great for the creative process to kick in. It can be used for any scene and the results are dramatically better without straying away from the story. I’m learning a great scene requires many passes and many techniques can be applied to improve it.

Scene # 1

A. Current Scene Logline: Henry’s looking for his dad’s employees to be selfie partners.

B. Essence: Henry wants respect

GOAL : get selfies for company’s social media make his dad proud of his accomplishment

It’s break time – no one around for pics

Employees conspire against him

He loses his phone

Employees hide or make busy

Make faces – bad/useless selfies

NEEDS: Attention from others

He’s being ignored

Being avoided – on purpose.

Everyone says No – not helping

VALUES: respect

Being lied to

Made fun of behind back

Not taken seriously

WOUND: He’s feels he’s not useful

Yelled at in front of others

Told not to post any pics

Social media is waste of time

Dad doesn’t follow Henry – doesn’t care to

Increase followers not recognized as success

PHYSICAL: The warehouse floor is a dangerous place for a child

Moving equipment/Forklifts

Catwalks

Falling cartons

Conveyors

I’d write the scene as follows with new challenges…

At Pelznikel Toys the Christmas rush is on. Young Henry, the bosses kid, is looking for selfie partners to post on the companies social media. He wants to make his dad proud of him. Henry’s too young to understand employees not wanting to fraternize with the bosses son.

One group of employees form a circle, boxing Henry out as they pretend to have an important meeting. When Henry leaves they kibitz about him behind his back. Other’s scurry away from him in all directions Another turns him down, too busy to help. Feeling blue Henry complains to his dad about the employees not cooperating. Rather than helping, Frank scolds Henry for bothering them when he knows they’re busy – it’s Christmastime! Go make yourself, “useful.”

Dejected, Henry’s rides along on a conveyor belt like an amusement ride. He videos himself using his phone. There’s a bump. Henry drops his phone on a carton behind him. The carton goes down one chute Henry goes down another, separated from his valuable phone. From the phone’s POV, we seeing it traverse through the building. Henry’s in a panic running about trying to keep an eye on the carton. He run’s into working employees, disturbs people doing their jobs. He’s a one boy wrecking crew. As fate has Henry and the carton meet again.

The carton gets handed off and ends up on the top of pallet being transferred by a fork lift. Henry and the fork lift nearly collide. The driver hits the brakes hard. The carton with the phone flies off the fork lift landing in Henry’s lap. Henry’s not surprised at all it worked out but complete oblivious to the chaos he caused in his pursuit. He walks away, happy to have the phone and cool video, unaware the damaged he caused.

Scene 2:

A. Current Scene Logline: Henry’s feeling sorry for himself while BFF, Ezri, has some exciting news to share.

B. Essence: Henry needs a true friend.

C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges.

GOAL – It’s been a bad day, Henry needs cheering up

Trip to the mall – goes poorly

Junk food / comfort food court binge

Play video games

Listen to Christmas carolers

Shop lift something

Bratty kids/schoolmates harass him

Runs into mom, she take’s dad’s side

NEEDS – to be understood

Ezri misreads his problem -makes it worse

Ezri in a bad mood too

Ezri is annoying

His story turned around – he’s the bad guy

VALUES – Honesty, Trust

Catches Ezri in a lie

Henry’s caught in a lie

Henry reveals a big secret

Ezri reveals a big secret

Henry and Ezri form a pack

WOUND – Dad doesn’t believe in him

Upsetting text message received

Ezri agrees with Henry’s dad

Reminded of past failures/misgivings

Henry fails at an easy task/game

PHYSICAL – Eating junk food at a mall food court

Choke on food

Turn tongue a funny color

Food makes him belch- uncontrolled

Throw up

Food Allergy

Spill something, wrong order

How’d I write the scene with new challenges as …

Henry’s, dejected, is sitting alone in the food court. His table a buffet of comfort junk food. He scarfs down the food trying to overcome his pain. Sitting across is a mom with two annoying kids being critical of Henry’s behavior. Their food shaming only making things worse.

Ezri enters and sits. She’s her usual over the top, bubbly self. She doesn’t acknowledge Henry’s situational rather dives enthusiastically about her good fortune. She’s landed an instagram sponsor! She snuggles up to Henry for a selfie. Henry’s mouth overflowing with food, his expression sour. Henry’s protest she doesn’t dare post that. Ezri thinks it fun- and does. Ezri and Henry argue about why Ezra’s self -help video’s only shows how she care’s for herself, not others. She’s using Henry’s misfortune to boos followers – wrong! If she were a true friend she be concerned about Henry right now. The food court family phones chime – they check their feed. They’re followers! They comment on how much they love Ezri’s posts, they’re big fans. How about a selfie – which Ezri’s more than happy to accommodate, pissing Henry off.

Ezri lectures Henry on how his current problems are a teachable moment not a failure. She proclaims to understand Henry’s problems but insist only Henry can solve them implying he is to blame for them. Henry begins to belch, loudly, uncontrollably. The food is talking now. Henry gulps down a big soda, resulting in one humongous belch. Henry laughs it off. In between hotdog bites and guffaws Henry’s body stiffens. His face panicked. He motions he can’t breath. Ezri jumps to the rescue. Ezri applies the Heimlich maneuver. One…two… three thrust later, chunk of hotdog expelled, breath returns to Henry followed by a torrent of junk food vomit splattering over the annoying family and their table.

[Edward Lusk]

Ed’s – Inherently Dramatic Characters

What I learned doing this lesson is linking the story vision to the traits and subtext is a great way to align and support the drama and conflict that unfolds. Looking at traits that can be contradictory and ironic, improves a characters inner conflicts. This should boost the dialogue as they battle not only other characters but their own persona.

OLD CHARACTER PROFILES:

HENRY – a wayward ten year old clamoring for his father’s love.

Subtext – Henry needs to be closer to his father before his grows up

HENRY – OLD TRAITS

Impulsive

Daring

Kind/Caring

Seeks Fame

Disobedient

SAMWISE – A North Pole stable elf trying to make it to retirement

Subtext – Samwise would like to see a little genuine gratitude before he leaves

SAMWISE – OLD TRAITS

Grouchy

Lazy

Drinks

Gentle

Evasive

Mentoring

Selfish

ALFREDA – Santa’s social media influencer and number one pain in the butt

Subtext – She feels she the most unappreciated elf in the North Pole

ALFREDA – OLD TRAITS

Fears Failure

Insecure

Driven

Underhanded

Cunning

Loyal

NEW -CHARACTER PROFILES

HENRY – is a wayward ten year old on the cusp of adolescence.

Subtext – He never doubts himself even when he’s wrong.

HENRY – NEW TRAITS

Adventurous

Courageous

Impulsive

Stubborn

Gullible

Determined

SAMWISE – A north Pole stable elf with a desire to leave a legacy

Subtext – He’s a stable elf who’s much wiser than he’s given credit for.

SAMWISE – NEW TRAITS

Irritable

Low Self-esteem

Humble

Evasive

Wise

Impatient

ALFREDA – her abrasiveness makes her hard to like despite her many accomplishments

Subtext – She gladly do wait it takes and accept the price for it

ALFEDA – NEW TRAITS

Insecure

Driven

Abrasive

Decisive

Loyal

[Edward Lusk]

QE Scene # 2 – Rewritten – (The John and Nick Scene)

Scene Longline – Rivals square off in a cable car ride up a mountain.

Essence – Don’t underestimate your opponent.

EXT. LUCERNE – CAFE – DAY

Colorful awnings shields the basking tourist from the alpine sun. Among the international patrons sits, NICK, 30’s, full on American tourist look. He gives directions to German tourist using a map spread out over their table.

NICK

The Panorama is here. You see, go across the bridge then stay to your right.

Once you pass Alpen Street, make a left on Lowenstrasse and rock and roll, you’re there.

TOURIST

Ya, rok and vroll. You must be American.

NICK

Citizen of the world, my friend.

A MAN walk’s past the cafe weaving through the crowds avoiding bodies like pac-man. This is , JOHN, 40’s, we’ll meet him later. He’s not from here. Tactical jacket, expensive jeans, military hair cut. Nick folds up his map, leaves a big tip on the table then tails John down the street keeping a safe distance.

INT. MT. PILATUS CABLE CAR STATION – LATER – DAY

A cable car filled with tourist silently lifts off the platform on the seven thousand foot climb up the mountain.

A rowdy group Germany and Switzerland soccer hooligans march up the steps. They queue up haphazardly awaiting the next car to arrive. John enters the platform. He makes a bee-line to overlook chairs.

Nick bounds up the stairs two by two. He jumps into the soccer fan fray for no other reason than kick up some shit. He spies John on the overlook without missing a beat.

The car doors swish open. The swarm of soccer fans push onto it. Nick is swept along with them. He fights his way back onto the platform. He finds himself face to face with John. He smiles into the John’s stoic face. He does not smile back.

NICK

Too crowded anyway. Maybe you like to get on?

John ignores the invitation. He side steps away from Nick.

The cable car yanks up the mountain. Another car arrives. An ATTENDANT comes out of the cable car platform office.

ATTENDANT

Last car up the mountain, gentlemen. Enjoy your ride.

Nick bounds onto the car. John enters. He discreetly applies a device over the door latching mechanism. He sits opposite Nick. John’s teeth grind, rippling the muscles in his jaw. The door closes without the familiar CLICK of the lock.

NICK

Can’t avoid me now old boy. You want to switch sides? My view is better.

John looks away as if trying to find an escape route.

NICK

I’m Nick, from Virginia… good old USA.

John speaks with a clipped British accent.

JOHN

My name is not important.,

NICK

I think it’s very important. You see, you and I have something in common. Let’s begin.

We’re going to play, “What’s my line.” You know? Old television show, or as you call it, “The Tele.” I’m going to ask you questions and then I will guess your line of work.

John shifts uneasily in his seat. Outside the window the valley shrinks and the mountain looms.

NICK

Are you involved in foreign affairs?

John inserts ear buds. Dons a pair of shades, folds his arms and rest his head agains the wall.

NICK

Tough crowd. Maybe, “To Tell The Truth” is better game.

Nick moves over next to John and takes off John’s sunglasses. He waves his hand across John’s face. John removes his ear buds. In a flash he’s got Nick’s arm pinned behind his back. He winces in pain.

John jumps to his feet. With one swift move he slides the cable car door open. The mountain air rushes in. He spins Nick around and holds him out by his shirt collar dangling him over the thousand foot drop.

JOHN

Since you’re an annoying American we’re going to play “Let’s Make A Deal.” You tell just who the fuck you are and what you want and I won’t drop you. Sound good, Nicky?

NICK

I’m with the State Department

JOHN

Wrong.

John leans Nick out the door a little further.

NICK

I’m with the FBI.

JOHN

Getting boring. One last try, Nicky.

NICK

Okay, okay. I’m CIA. I’m here to stop you, JOHN, from meeting with your assassin friend at the top of the mountain and you are going to tell me , not him, who the target is. I don’t care who’s paying you. That’s your business. Now please let me in.

John pulls Nick inside and shoves him to the floor. He removes the device he placed on the door latch the closes it.

JOHN

I don’t need to tell you, or the CIA anything. You have no jurisdiction here.

NICK

Legally no. But as you know we operate in more of a gray area. Funny though, that’s what got you thrown out of MI6, wasn’t it, John Sebastian Warburg? You insubordination? Or was it your impulsiveness? Who ever it was you were protecting didn’t deserve your loyalty.

JOHN

Your lack of credible intelligence is astonishing for a Langley man.

NICK

We know enough. Credible or otherwise. We spin the narrative to suit our needs, not yours.

For example, when I look at you I compared you to a lone wolf. You hunt on your own, indiscriminately aloof. Although it must be nice to be free from Sir Richard’s reign.

Nick crawls back into his seat holding his backpack close to his chest.

JOHN

Tell me, why did they send someone like you after someone like me? The way you’re holding on to that rucksack I’d say you more likely to shoot yourself with the Glock 19 hidden in there than kill a poor old bloke like me.

NICK

I doubt it. The safety is on. At least I thought it was when I handed it off to the soccer hooligan in that melee on the platform. You see, John, you never know who your true enemies are and where they will strike. If my man does not see my signal, he’s going to kill you before you take two steps off this car.

The cable car bounces a little from an up draft. John checks the distance to the landing. Not far to go, a third of the way left.

JOHN

That would be a pity. My assassin friend will do the same. Nothing personal, but we must plan for contingencies. Your life in continent upon my living. There in lies the irony of our brief relationship. Tell me, Nick, does my CIA dossier say that I’m a compulsive liar?

NICK

Who would care if you’re dead, John? How about you go ahead with your plan while I go back down the mountain and kill Rachel, that is her name right, Rachel? She staying at Hotel Lucerne, Room 311.

If this upsets John, his stoicism, hides it well.

JOHN

I see in your eyes, Nick, you can’t kill in cold blood. You’re a company man, through and through. Langley pulls your strings, you merely dance like Pinocchio.

NICK

Let’s do this. Whatever you’re being paid for this job, I’ll triple it for the name. That’s enough to get you out of debt and leave a few extra quid for fun. Just be sure it’s the RIGHT name. You double cross me and next time we meet there’ll be ten agents, not just four.

JOHN

There aren’t four agents waiting for me. I wonder. Is this your last mission, fail and you’re out?

NICK

That is the risk you’ll have to take. I’ve been underestimated before. It didn’t end well for the other guy.

JOHN

I’ll take the risk. My assassins know me well a I do them. You don’t play in our world. You play by the book. Too bad really.

NICK

Take the money John. I feel bad for happened to you. I really do. Think of it, just you on a tropical island. No body around for miles. You’ll be in heaven.

John slowly zips and unzips his jacket. This helps him think.

JOHN

Play it out for me.

NICK

The plan is when this cart hit’s the platform a fight is going to break out between the soccer hooligans. Once that fight start’s there’s no turning back. The plan is in motion and you will most likely be dead before you take two steps off of the car.

JOHN

What stops the fight?

NICK

First you tell me the name and then…

Nick goes to open his backpack.

JOHN

Hey, hey! hey! what do you think, I’m daft? Hands off the bag.

NICK

I just wanted to show you the hat. If you tell me the name, I’ll put on a hat. Me wearing the hat signals no fight needed, mission accomplished. Didn’t they teach you that in spy school?

John drums his fingers over the seat. It’s a hundred meters to the station. The airs getting thin, John and Nick’s breaths become heavier. We can see the crowd of soccer revelers line the station’s cafe with pints of ale sloshing in their hands. General revelry in place. Several of them watch the car’s arrival a little more intently.

JOHN

The target’s name is….Archduke Ferdinand.

NICK

I knew you could do it.

Nick shakes John’s hand, slaps him on the back. Retrieves from the backpack a red ball cap with the Swiss Cross across the front. He holds at his side as the cable car glides in to the station.

Simultaneously, as the door begins to open, John snatches the cap out of Nick’s hand. He fixes upon his own head. In a flash the car door opens, John leaps out. He bounds down the stairs quickly out of sight.

Nick and the soccer fans posing as CIA agents aren’t sure what the hell just happened. Situational protocols are still dance around their heads. The confused agents run to Nick.

SOCCER FAN/CIA AGENT

Did you get a name?

NICK

Archduke Ferdinand

SOCCER FAN/CIA AGENT

Sir, are you sure that’s a positive ID?

Nick looks off down the mountain to the small village of Lucerne below. He smirks.

NICK

Yes, I’m sure.

END SCENE.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by  Edward Lusk.

[Edward Lusk]

Ed’s QE Cycle Scene # 2 First Draft (Nick & John)

Scene Longline – Rivals square off in a cable car ride up a mountain.

Essence – Don’t underestimate your opponent.

EXT. LUCERNE – CAFE – DAY

Colorful awnings shields the basking tourist from the alpine sun. Among the international patrons sits, NICK, 30’s, full on American tourist look. He gives directions to German tourist using a map spread out over their table.

NICK

The Panorama is here. You see, go across the bridge then stay to your right.

Once you pass Alpen Street, make a left on Lowenstrasse and rock and roll, you’re there.

TOURIST

Ya, rok and vroll. You must be American.

NICK

Something like that.

A MAN walk’s past the cafe weaving through the crowds avoiding bodies like pac-man. This is , JOHN, 40’s, we’ll meet him later. He’s not from here. Tactical jacket, expensive jeans, military hair cut. Nick folds up his map, leaves a big tip on the table then tails John down the street keeping a safe distance.

INT. MT. PILATUS CABLE CAR STATION – LATER – DAY

A cable car filled with tourist silently lifts off the platform on the seven thousand foot climb up the mountain. A rowdy group soccer hooligans representing Germany and Switzerland march up the steps in a mix of cheering, arguing and general drunkenness. They queue up haphazardly awaiting the next car to arrive.

John enters the platform. He makes a bee-line to overlook chairs as far from the queue line commotion as possible.

Nick bounds up the stairs two by two. He jumps into the soccer fan fray for no other reason than kick up some shit. He spies John on the overlook without missing a beat.

The cable car arrives. The automated doors swish open. The swarm of soccer fans push onto it. Nick is swept along with them. He fights his way up current. He pops out of the swarm back on the platform. He finds himself face to face with John. He smiles into the John’s stoic face. He does not smile back.

NICK

Too crowded anyway. Maybe you like to get on?

John ignores the invitation. He side steps away from Nick.

The cable car yanks up the mountain. Another car arrives. An ATTENDANT comes out of the cable car platform office.

ATTENDANT

Last car up the mountain, gentleman. Enjoy your ride.

Nick bounds onto the car. It sways under his enthusiasm. John enters. He discreetly applies a device over the door latching mechanism. He sits opposite Nick. John’s grinding teeth ripple the muscles in his jaw. The door closes without the familiar CLICK of the lock.

NICK

Can’t avoid me now old boy. You want to switch sides? My view is better.

John looks away as if trying to find an escape route.

NICK

I’m Nick, from Virginia… good old USA.

John considers Nick with care. If he speaks, maybe Nick will shut up.

JOHN

John, my name is John. I’m from the UK. Now will you be quiet?

NICK

Well, John from the UK. This is your lucky day. We’re going to play, “What’s my line.” You know? Old television show, or as you call it, “The Tele.” I’m going to ask you questions and then I will guess your line of work.

John shifts uneasily in his seat. Outside the window the valley shrinks and the mountain looms.

NICK

John, are you involved in foreign affairs?

John inserts ear buds. Dons a pair of shades, folds his arms and rest his head agains the wall.

NICK

Tough crowd. Maybe, “To Tell The Truth” is better game.

Nick moves over next to John and takes off John’s sunglasses. He waves his hand across John’s face. John removes his ear buds. In a flash he’s got Nick’s arm pinned behind his back. He winces in pain.

John jumps to his feet. With one swift move he slides the cable car door open. The mountain air rushes in. He spins Nick around and holds him out by his shirt collar dangling him over the thousand foot drop.

JOHN

Since you’re an annoying American we’re going to play “Let’s Make A Deal.” You tell just who the fuck you are and what you want and I won’t drop you. Sound good, Nicky?

NICK

I’m with the State Department

JOHN

Wrong.

John leans Nick out the door a little further.

NICK

I’m with the FBI.

JOHN

Getting boring. One last try, Nicky.

NICK

Okay, okay. I’m CIA. I’m here to stop you from meeting with your assassin friend at the top of the mountain and you are going to tell me , not him, who the target is. I don’t care who’s paying you. That’s your business. But I do need that name, John. Now please let me in.

John pulls Nick inside as he falls to the floor. John, removes the device he placed on the door latch and closes it.

JOHN

I don’t need to tell you, or the CIA anything. You have no jurisdiction here.

NICK

Legally no. But as you know we operate in more of a gray area. Funny though, that’s what got you thrown out of MI6, wasn’t it? You insubordination? Or was it your impulsiveness? Who ever it was you were protecting didn’t deserve your loyalty. You were a good spook. Now, when I look at you I compared you to a lone wolf. You hunt on your own, indiscriminately aloof. Although it must be nice to be free from Sir Richard’s reign.

Nick crawls back into his seat holding his backpack close to his chest.

JOHN

Your assessment of me is misleading. Whoever gave you that information was lying. Tell me, why did they send someone like you after someone like me? The way you’re holding on to that rucksack I’d say you more likely to shoot yourself with the standard issue Glock 19 hidden in there than kill a poor old bloke like me.

NICK

I doubt it. The safety is on. At least I thought it was when I handed it off the one of the soccer hooligans in that melee on the platform. You see, John, you never know who your true enemies are and where they will strike. If my man does not see my signal, he’s going to kill you before you take two steps off this car. One shot to the head one to the heart, standard kill shot. Nothing personal of course. Just business.

The cable car bounces a little from an up draft. John checks the distance to the landing. Not far to go, a third of the way left.

JOHN

That would be a pity. How do you know my assassin friend, as you call him, or her, won’t do the same to you. For him, or her, it’s just another day at the office. Nothing personal, of course.

The two men weigh their opponent as well as their options.

NICK

My orders are to kill you or get the name. Getting the name is more difficult. I can see that now. But, like you, sometimes I don’t alway follow the rules. Rather than kill you, I could kill Rachel, that is her name right, Rachel? She staying at Hotel Lucerne, Room 311.

If this upsets John, his stoicism, hides it well.

JOHN

I see in your eyes, Nick, you can’t kill in cold blood. You’re a company man, through and through. The rebel in you is more talk than action. Langley pulls your strings, you merely dance like Pinocchio.

NICK

Let’s do this. Whatever you’re being paid for this job, I’ll triple it for the name. That’s enough to get you out of debt and leave a few extra quid for fun. Just be sure it’s the RIGHT name. You double cross me and next time we meet there’ll be ten agents, not just four.

JOHN

Four?

NICK

Me, and three soccer fans. I won’t tell you which side they’re on. That wouldn’t be fair.

JOHN

And the assassin?

NICK

That’s your problem. Let’s assume the contract hasn’t been paid. You only owe travel expenses. The good news is by the time you burn through all those Yankee dollars the underworld will have forgotten your word is no damn good. Loyalty comes with a price, does it not? Come on John. Think of it, just you on a tropical island. No body around for miles. You’ll be in heaven.

John slowly zips and unzips his jacket. This helps him think.

JOHN

Play it out for me.

NICK

The plan is when this cart hit’s the platform a fight is going to break out between the soccer hooligans. Once that fight start’s there’s not turning back. The plan is in motion and you will most likely be dead before you take two steps off of the car.

JOHN

What stops the fight?

NICK

First you tell me the name and then…

Nick goes to open his backpack.

JOHN

Hey, hey! hey! what do you think, I’m daft? Hands off the bag.

NICK

I just wanted to show you the hat. If you tell me the name, before we stop, I’ll put on a hat. Me wearing the hat signals no fight, mission completed. Didn’t they teach you that in spy school?

John drums his fingers over the seat. It’s a hundred meters to the station. The airs getting thin, John and Nick’s breaths become heavier. We can see the crowd of soccer revelers line the station’s cafe with pints of ale sloshing in their hands. General revelry in place. Several of them watch the car’s arrival a little more intently.

JOHN

The target’s name is….Archduke Ferdinand.

NICK

I knew you could do it.

Nick shakes John’s hand, slaps him on the back. Retrieves from the backpack a red ball cap with the Swiss Cross across the front. He holds at his side as the cable car glides in to the station.

Simultaneously, as the door begins to open, John snatches the cap out of Nick’s hand. He fixes upon his own head. In a flash, the second the car door opens, John leaps out. He bounds down the stairs quickly out of sight.

Nick and the soccer fans posing as CIA agents aren’t sure what the hell just happened. Protocols are still processing. The confused agents run to Nick.

SOCCER FAN

Did you get a name?

NICK

Archduke Ferdinand

SOCCER FAN

Sir, are you sure that’s a positive ID?

Nick looks off down the mountain to the small village of Lucerne below. He smirks.

NICK

Yes, I’m sure I’m right.

END SCENE.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by  Edward Lusk.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by  Edward Lusk.

[Edward Lusk]

Ed’s Cycle # 1 – After Feedback Pass -Draft 2.

EXT. MARINA – NIGHT

Dense fog envelopes the criss-cross of gang planks and docks. Various size and types of boats held fast by the CREAKING spring lines. Somewhere beyond, the rhythmic DING of marker buoy.

At the end of the pier, the marina office cast off an eerie glow from the lights within. Neon, “LIVE BAIT”, and “BOAT RENTAL” signs on the roof add color to the gray night.

INT. MARINA OFFICE – NIGHT

The walls and shelves are lines with every item a mariner could use. ROBERT, 20’s cuts bait using an incredibly sharp knife. His slices the fish with an unenthusiastic motions while casting a sideways glance at iPad playing an amateur porn video.

The quality of the video and the angle of the camera screams this video was captured by a HIDDEN camera.

PING, goes the front door bell. A WOMEN enters. Her pampered looks hide her true age. Her couture says money. She covers her nose and mouth with a laced handkerchief. Their eyes meet.

Robert nods his head at the door leading to the back room. A sign reads, “NO ADMITTANCE.”

She passes Robert, only to freeze at the sight of the video playing on the iPad. Close in on the iPad scene, we see the this same women, nude, in flagrante delicto, romping around on the bed with a much younger, naked, man. One modest raised eyebrow is all she can produce before she continues into the back room, CLICK, CLACK, goes her stilettos.

She closes the door behind her. Robert chucks a severed fish head into a bucket.

EXT. – MARINA – NIGHT

A sleek cigarette boat chugs up to the dock. A man throws overboard the fenders. He hops out of the boat in a single athlete move. He waste no time securing the bow and stern lines with perfect nots. This is TRENT, 40’s.

INT. MARINA OFFICE – NIGHT

Trent’s boat running lights draws Robert’s attention outside.

ROBERT

Will you walk into my parlor, said the stupid spider to the asshole.

A Beat.

The front door PINGS again. Trent enters dressed head to toe in Henri-Lloyd. His tanned face glows under the dime office lights. Robert’s face lights up in wide smile. He wipes his fish gut soaked hands over his soiled coveralls.

ROBERT

Trent! Mi Amigo! Let the party begin!

TRENT

Don’t you dare touch me, Robert.

Robert averts Trent’s piercing glare. He smiles again.

ROBERT

When I think of success I only need to look at you, my friend. I’ll gas the boat up before I leave. The owner will never know it was gone. Did you have good luck tonight with finding our next mark?

Trent looks around the dreary space. He rearranges some merchandise on the shelf.

TRENT

I pay you for your skills, not your questions, but yes, a very lucrative mark. We’re alone, right?

ROBERT

Just you, me, the fishes, and the naughty.

Robert proudly flips the iPad around so Trent can see it. We hear a women’s MOAN from the video.

TRENT

You should have seen her face when I played it for her. It felt so good to be the one in control.

ROBERT

But she did pay up? I mean in end you got want you wanted?

TRENT

It wasn’t easy. You dumb shit. You said the lighting would be better. The angle sucks. I could barely see her face, and the stupid kid never said her name ! Extortion takes attention to details, Robert.

Robert deflates.

ROBERT

Sorry. I’m not Tarantino. Um…You are being discrete about how you handle these transactions, right?

TRENT

Fuck, yah. Why?

Robert face goes from serious to down right jovial

ROBERT

Hah! Psyche! You so gullible, Trent.

TRENT

(menacing)

Your discretion keeps you employed. Remember that.

Trent eases his hand inside his jacket pocket. Robert maintains a wide smile but his eyes convey alarm. Trent withdraws two expensive cigars. Robert exhales.

Trent reaches over the counter, careful not to touch anything, laying a cigar down.

TRENT

God of Fire Serie Aniversario

Robert smells his, inhaling deeply the aroma.

ROBERT

You dirty dog. You stole these from a client’s house.

TRENT

How about you just appreciate what I do for you? You think you could make it on your own, cutting bait and filleting fish? How about you show a little gratitude to your old pal, Trent? No one else would have paid your bail. No one else would have taken you in. We’re suppose to be friends. Now smoke up, suck up, and shut up.

Robert glances at the NO SMOKING sign above the propane tank storage rack. Trent stares him down.

ROBERT

What harm can it do? This place stinks anyway.

Robert slices off of the tip of the cigar with the fillet knife. It’s sharpness not lost on Trent. Robert slowly reaches into his pocket removing a flint lighter. He holds it up. Trent nods. With a flick of the wrist it flames. He lights his cigar, then offers same to Trent.

Trent leans over, eyes locked on Robert, as he puffs away like a steam locomotive. Robert’s eyes tear from the smoke. He suppresses a cough. Trent withdraws into a cloud of smoke.

TRENT

No. Seriously, you’ve done good, Robert.

ROBERT

I am here to please.

TRENT

The stakes have gone up. (on video MOANS and GIGGLES) Shut that shit off.

Robert flips the iPad over on the counter. It goes quiet.

ROBERT

Who is she?

TRENT

Amoreena Delgado.

ROBERT

Oh, shit.

TRENT

What?

ROBERT

Oh nothing. (Puffs away) Good cigar.

TRENT

You know something, now spill it.

ROBERT

Amoreena Delgado is the wife of Antonio Delgado…the gangster.

A beat.

TRENT

You are such a bullshitter. You think after hobnobbing with these rich stiffs I wouldn’t have figured that out? These people love money and hanging out with other people who love money. They love me because they think, I have money. In a sense I do, because they… donate it to me… for keeping their dirty secrets out of the public domain. Antonio Delgado is not a gangster. I know him, personally, and his wife, thanks in part to you,…even more personally. She’s a big tipper.

Trent takes out from his belt line a stuffed envelope and tosses it onto the counter. It lands among the fish pieces, parts. Robert laughs deeply but doesn’t dare – take the bait.

ROBERT

You’re the handsome brains, I’m merely the set up guy. You want to get catch the big fish, you use the right bait. Am I right?

TRENT

I’m glad you understand. I could partner with anyone. I simply choose you for you…naivety.

ROBERT

In other words you think I’m stupid.

Trent slaps the counter hard. Fish parts bounce. The knife falls to the floor impaled upright in the floor board next to his shoe. He speaks in a controlled staccato. His nose flaring with every word.

TRENT

Enough! I do not think you’re stupid, Robert. I choose you because I trust you. We have a history. I choose you because above all else you understand the bonds of loyalty.

(retrieves the knife from the floor)

I reward my associates, so as long as we continue to understand one another.

Trent stabs the knife back into the counter close to the envelope. Robert flinches.

TRENT

Aren’t you going to open it?

ROBERT

I didn’t mean to upset you. I just worry about you, Trent. People say you’re a, shoot, fire, aim, kinda of guy, that’s all.

TRENT

Who said that? Tell me! Tell me right now or I’ll gut you like mackerel, so help me god!

ROBERT

Easy, easy. It’s just drunken sailor talk. You know, same rich losers that caught a fish

(spreading hands) this big.

There’s a THUD heard from behind the back room door. Robert freezes, Trent advances.

TRENT

Who the fuck is that? You said we’re alone.

ROBERT

Probably just a marina cat. Just chill-out. Okay?

Robert tosses his cigar into the bucket of fish parts. It sizzles then extinguishes.

TRENT

Bullshit I will.

Trent blows past Robert leaving a trail of his cigar smoke. Trent jimmies the backroom door knob. It won’t open.

TRENT

Why is this door locked?

ROBERT

It’s not locked. I swear, just sticks a little.

Robert rams his shoulder into the door. The, “No Admittance,” sign falls off.

INT. MARINA OFFICE – BACK ROOM – NIGHT

The door burst open, revealing darkness broken by the glow of video editing equipment. The overhead light flicks on. In the shadows stands, AMOREENA – our well dressed femme fatale. She has a gun trained on Trent. The sight of her turns Trent’s tan face white.

TRENT

Amoreena, but how? (answer) Fuck me, Robert…!

Trent turns into Robert’s fist connecting squarely to his jaw. The expensive cigar goes flying out of his foul mouth.

Trent staggers back against one of the refrigerators. He shakes it off only to catch an uppercut snapping his head back. He sinks against the wall. His last rally defeated by Robert’s boot smashing into his chest sending him flying out the window.

Trent crashes into the inky drink below. His splash high reaches the broken window where Amoreena and Robert peer down at him as he flails about.

INT. MARINA – OFFICE – NIGHT

Robert and Amoreena square off in front of the counter. Her bejeweled fingers plucks the knife out of the counter. Robert swallow hard. With a graceful flick of her delicate wrist, she slices open the envelope Trent left behind.

Out falls cut up magazine pages and newspapers. Worthless currency, if they ever was.

She hands Robert another envelope. A thick wad of cash pierces the fold. Amoreena pats Robert on the cheek.

AMOREENA

I pay you for your discretion.

She strides out the front door picking up the iPad on the way out. Robert collapse over the counter as a small fire erupts behind him.

[Edward Lusk]

Move to Lesson 7 Forum.

[Edward Lusk]

Ed’s Rewrite for Critique. Lesson # 5 – QE Cycle # 1.

EXT. MARINA – NIGHT

Dense fog envelopes the criss-cross of gang planks and docks. Various size and types of boats held fast by the CREAKING spring lines. Somewhere beyond, the rhythmic DING of a marker buoy.

At the end of the pier, the marina office cast off an eerie glow from the lights within. Neon, “LIVE BAIT”, and “BOAT RENTAL” signs on the roof add color to the gray night.

INT. MARINA OFFICE – NIGHT

The walls and shelves are lined with every item a mariner could use. ROBERT, 20’s cuts bait using an incredibly sharp knife. His slices the fish with an unenthusiastic motions while casting a sideways glance at iPAD playing a porn video.

PING, goes the front door bell. A WOMEN enters. Her pampered looks hide her true age. Her couture says money. She covers her nose and mouth with a laced handkerchief. Their eyes meet.

Robert nods his head at the door leading to the back room. A sign reads, “NO ADMITTANCE.”

Without consideration, she passes Robert. Her stilettos CLICK CLACK, the floor boards. She enters the back room then closes the door behind her. Robert chucks the severed head of a fish into a bucket under the counter.

EXT. – MARINA – NIGHT

A sleek cigarette boat chugs up to the dock. A man throws overboard the fenders, nudging the vessel away from the dock. He hops out of the boat in a single athlete move. He waste no time securing the bow and stern lines with perfect nots. This is TRENT, 40’s.

INT. MARINA OFFICE – NIGHT

Trent’s boat running lights draws Robert’s attention outside.

ROBERT

It’s showtime.

A Beat.

The front door PINGS again. Robert slaps down the iPAD. Trent enters dressed head to toe in Henri-Lloyd. His tanned face glows under the dime office lights. Robert’s face lights up in wide smile. He wipes his fish gut soaked hands over his soiled coveralls.

ROBERT

Trent! Mi Amigo! Let the party begin!

TRENT

Don’t you dare touch me, Robert.

Robert averts Trent’s piercing glare.

ROBERT

When I think of success I only need to look at you, my friend. I’ll gas the boat up before I leave. The owner will never know it was gone.

Trent looks around the dreary space.

TRENT

Damn right you will. We’re alone, right?

ROBERT

Just you, me, and the fishes.

Some MOANING is heard from the iPAD.

TRENT

Don’t lie to me!

ROBERT

It’s just the video…iPAD…I’ll shut it off.

Robert fumbles with the iPAD. He watches Trent eases his hand inside his jacket pocket. Robert maintains a wide smile but his eyes convey alarm. Trent withdraws two expensive cigars. Robert exhales.

Trent reaches over the counter, careful not to touch anything, laying a cigar down.

TRENT

God of Fire Serie Aniversario

Robert smells his, inhaling deeply the aroma.

ROBERT

These aren’t counterfeits, are they?

TRENT

As if you would fuckity-duckity know.

Robert glances at the NO SMOKING sign above the propane tank storage rack. Trent stares him down to compliance.

ROBERT

What harm can it do?

Robert slices off the tip of the cigar with the fillet knife. It’s sharpness not lost on Trent as he watches Robert slowly reaches into his pocket removing a flint lighter. He holds it up. Trent nods. With a flick of the wrist it flames. He lights his cigar, then offers same to Trent.

Trent leans over, eyes locked on Robert, as he puffs away like a locomotive. Robert’s eyes tear from the smoke. He suppresses a cough. Trent withdraws into a cloud of smoke.

TRENT

You’ve done good, Robert.

ROBERT

I am here to please.

TRENT

But now you must do more for me.

ROBERT

Our agreement was one and done. Wasn’t it? I mean, I’d feel terrible if I was wrong.

Trent sighs deeply. He puffs out his chest cloaked by the over-priced nylon jacket.

TRENT

My, clients, for a lack of a better word, are wealthy people, connected people, dangerous individuals who I do not take lightly, and neither should you.

Trent takes out from his belt line a stuffed envelope and tosses it onto the counter. It lands among the fish pieces, parts. Robert laughs deeply but doesn’t dare – take the bait.

ROBERT

You want to get catch the big fish, you need the right bait. Am I right?

TRENT

I’m glad you understand. I could partner with anyone. I simply choose you for your…naivety.

ROBERT

In other words you think I’m stupid.

Trent slaps the counter hard. Fish parts bounce. The knife falls to the floor impaled upright in the floor board next to his shoe. He speaks in a controlled staccato. His nose flaring with every word.

TRENT

I do not think you’re stupid, Robert. I choose you because I trust you. I choose you because above all else you understand the bonds of loyalty.

(retrieves the knife from the floor)

I reward my associates, so as long as we continue to understand one another.

Trent stabs the knife back into the counter close to the envelope. Robert flinches.

TRENT

Aren’t you going to open it?

Robert

I didn’t mean to upset you. It’s just that word around the docks is you are not the person you pretend to be. Someone said you double crossed the wrong people, even killed a competitor, and now you’re on the run.

TRENT

Who said that? Tell me! Tell me right now or I’ll gut you like mackerel, so help me god!

ROBERT

Easy, easy Trent-ster. It’s just drunken sailor talk. You know, same losers that caught a fish

(spreading his hands) this big.

TRENT

Look at you. You won’t stand up for the truth or yourself. You hide behind rumors and gossip. Maybe I should be the one to give you something to spread like manure. You know that bitch, Amoreena? Well, I will take care of her next. You hear that? So don’t fuck with me , Robert.

There’s a THUD heard from behind the back room door. Robert freezes, Trent advances.

TRENT

Who the fuck is that? You said we’re alone.

ROBERT

Probably just a marina cat. Just chill-out. Okay?

Robert tosses his cigar into the bucket of fish parts. It sizzles then extinguishes.

TRENT

Bullshit I will.

Trent blows past Robert in a trail of cigar smoke. Robert makes no attempt to stop him. Trent jimmies the backroom door knob. It won’t open.

TRENT

Why is this locked?

ROBERT

It’s not locked. I swear, just sticks a little.

Robert rams his shoulder into the door. The, “No Admittance,” sign falls off of the door.

INT. MARINA OFFICE – BACK ROOM – NIGHT

The door burst open, revealing darkness, and HUMMING of refrigerators. The overhead light flicks on. In the shadows stands, AMOREENA – our well dressed femme fatale. The sight of her turns Trent’s tan face to pale white.

TRENT

Amoreena, but how?

Trent turns to flee only finding Robert’s fist connecting squarely to his jaw. The expensive cigar goes flying out of his foul mouth.

Trent staggers against one of the refrigerators. He shakes it off only to catch an uppercut snapping his head back. He sinks against the wall. His last rally defeated by Robert’s boot smashing into his chest sending him flying out the window.

Trent crashes into the inky drink below. The splash high enough to reach up to the window where Amoreena and Robert peer down at him sinking.

INT. MARINA – OFFICE – NIGHT

Robert and Amoreena square off in front of the counter. Her bejeweled fingers plucks the knife out of the counter. Robert swallow hard. With a graceful flick of her delicate wrist, she slices open Trent’s envelope.

Out falls cut up magazine pages and newspapers. Worthless currency, if they ever was.

AMOREENA

We’re even now. Consider this a favor.

Amoreena pats Robert on the cheek then swaggers out the front door. Robert collapse over the counter as a small fire erupts behind him.

[Edward Lusk]

EXT. GREEN HOUSE – NIGHT

The facility is massive. Acres and acres under glass. An eerie fuchsia glow pierces the fog from the growing lights below. From above the glass looking down we see a man walking up an aisle surrounded by thousands of colorful orchid blooms.

Ahead of him, another man slow dances to an unheard beat.

INT. GREEN HOUSE – AISLE – NIGHT

The dancing man is ROBERT, 20’s, he sings to himself, almost humming, to a soulful jazz song broadcasting through his head phones. He blends into the fields, wearing green coveralls. He waters the orchid using a watering wand. Robert brings the wand to his mouth like a microphone and sings.

ROBERT

You’re so fine to be mine in the Cali sunshine, baby…

From behind marches our walking man, TRENT, 20’s out of place in a tailored suit and tie. No time to smell the flowers, his steps are deliberate and wide. Robert has no idea he’s got a visitor.

Trent arrives, taps on Roberts shoulder, a hard two fingered tap, like knocking on a door.

Robert twirls. The watering wand sends a stream of water over Trent’s head. Robert’s face lights up. He laughs a hearty belly guffaw. Trent recoils, brushing away any droplets. He readjust his tie and suit, adjusting his perfect hair as best he can.

TRENT

Watch it asshole. This is a twenty five hundred dollar suit.

ROBERT

Mi Amigo!

Robert shuts off the water. A loud slap of a high five followed by a bear hug. Trent pulls away quickly. Robert looks around the greenhouse.

ROBERT

No one saw you come in?

TRENT

No one that can’t be bought off.

ROBERT

I’ve heard you have a knack for cleaning things up.

TRENT

Yeah, who?

Trent surveys the area including under the tables. They’re the only two people in the middle of the orchid fields.

TRENT

(lowers his voice)

You have the money?

Robert flashes an envelope tucked into his coveralls.

TRENT

That’s my boy. Is there a place we can talk? It’s like a hundred degrees in here. My suit going to wrinkle.

ROBERT

My office, a constant seventy two degrees. Come, we will be safe there.

Four steps into their walk the lights start snapping off. Field by field the grow lamps go dark. Darkness envelopes them.

TRENT

What the fuck?

ROBERT


Relax Bro. They’re all on timers. Just be be cool.

EXT. GREEN HOUSE – OFFICE – NIGHT

The modular office sits at the axis of four the fields. A air conditioner mounted in the wall HUMS. The office lights cast mini-blind shadows across the flowers. Robert and Trent arrive. Robert opens the door motioning for Trent to enter with an overly exaggerated bow and sweep of the hand.

Trent walks by Robert with a fixed judgmental glare.

INT. GREEN HOUSE – OFFICE – NIGHT

Trent looks over the place. A mishmash of computer terminals, gardening tools, lab equipment and ever present soil dust. Robert wipes he hands over his overalls. Then places them inside his pockets.

ROBERT

When I told Amoreena we had a deal she nearly fainted.

TRENT

Amoreena can’t be trusted. I don’t want you talking to her, or anyone else without my say so. We’re in the big leagues now. Understand?

Robert looks down at his boots. Kicks some dirt off.

ROBERT

Yea. Got it. Hey you want a beer? I keep some hidden in the back room.

TRENT

Let’s just get this over with. I need to get out of here. How can you stand that smell? It’s like bathing in cheap perfume. Robert sniffs the air. He laughs.

ROBERT

What I smell is a rat.

TRENT

Excuse me?

ROBERT

Amoreena said you are the one who can’t be trusted. She says you drink and run your mouth all over town.

TRENT

You leave Amoreena to me. I’ll fix that bitch.

There’s a THUD heard from the back room.

TRENT

Who’s that? You said we’re alone.

ROBERT

Probably our office cat. Don’t worry about it.

TRENT

Bullshit.

Trent marches off to the back room. He flings open the back room door. It’s dark.

INT. GREEN HOUSE – OFFICE – BACK ROOM – NIGHT

Trent steps in. He peer into the shadows.

TRENT

Who’s here?

Out of the darkness a five gallon tin watering can clocks Trent over the head with a resounding DONG. Trent staggers for a second, dazed. Before Trent recovers, he’s upper cut by a shovel. The smack sends crashing into a stacks of growing trays. He slinks down to the floor.

From the shadows emerges a stylish dressed, older women. She struts towards the open door, where Robert stands.

ROBERT

Amoreena, you are a bitch.

[Edward Lusk]

a

• This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by  Edward Lusk.

[Edward Lusk]

a

• This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by  Edward Lusk.

[Edward Lusk]

Ed’s Max Interest Part 1

What I learned that is improving my writing is having these techniques in mind, and designed to be included in the scene, improves the quality over just writing the scene to satisfy plot and scene purpose. Scenes that include these techniques are more interesting.

Essence of the scene – Henry’s feels betrayed by a friend.

Scene Logline – We meet Ezri, Henry’s friend, despite her efforts she doesn’t help Henry’s situation.

Interest Techniques:

More interesting setting – moved to mall food court.

Suspense – Ezri is coming – who is Ezri? What is the amazing news?

Surprise – Ezri has her first Instagram sponsor.

Mislead/Reveal – Henry yanks his hand away from Ezri’s. They’re not that close.

Twist – Henry thinks Ezri wants to poach his followers for her own account.

Uncertainty Fear/Hope – Henry’s failed as a influencer, Henry’s got followers

INT. SHOPPING MALL – FOOD COURT – DAY

Diffusing skylights and fiberglass furniture. Henry sits alone, his table filled with a cornucopia of fried junk food. His phone PINGS. A text, “CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOU. AMAZING NEWS – E.”

Henry sighs deeply then sucks up a smoothy. Muzak drifts over the PA system.

Beat.

A girl approaches about Henry’s age, her effervescence irrepressible. Her eye glasses a lifestyle statement. Shopping bags casually rest in the crux of her elbow. She most certainly is, EZRI Dazzle.

HENRY

I know what you’re going to say Ezri so please don’t.

EZRI

Buoyancy is rooted in the comfort of a trusted friend. Oh, puppies, I should use that in my blog.

Henry sulks on.

EZRI (Cont’d)

So I got your text. Bummer about your dad’s company.

HENRY

Merry Christmas.

Ezri sits nearly unable to contain her daily report of super exciting news.

EZRI

There will be no feeling sorry for yourself Henry. Not this time.

HENRY

No one understands me, Ezri.

EZRI

I absolutely do.

HENRY

Go explain me to my dad.

Ezri sets down the shopping bags.

EZRI

Cheer up time. I have good news. No, swipe that. I have absolutely amazing news.

Henry’s is in a place too far away to care.

EZRI

Henry, I have my first brand sponsor! Can you believe it? My Insta’s going to explode! Please be happy for me. Please times a hundred!

Ezri clutches Henry’s hand. He jerks it away.

HENRY

Why are you acting weirder than normal?

EZRI

We going to look beyond that negativity for a just a sec.

Ezri stares off into the distance for a beat.

HENRY

Please, showing other girls how to dress is not amazing, it obnoxious.

That hurt. Henry checks his phone.

HENRY

Amped! Ezri, over three hundred new followers! I got to tell mom!

EZRI

That is wonderfully strange. How about a selfie with your bestie?

Henry’s brightened mood fades into irrational realization.

HENRY

Wait. Now I get it. You understand me alright. You want me to tag you, Ezri, you’re poaching my new followers.

EZRI

@Ezridazzles is supremely capable of increasing followership without tagging you, @HenryPlLovesToys, who not in the toy space at the moment.

HENRY

I thought we were friends. I am so swindled.

Henry takes off running.

EZRI

Wait! Henry. You have it all wrong. Why do boys always have to run away?

Ezri fast walks after him, struggling to catch up.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by  Edward Lusk.

[Edward Lusk]

Ed profiles people.

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is characters are just as same as real people when it comes to the consistency of their behaviors, decision making, and reaction to others, in other words, their traits. As they say a zebra can’t change its strips. Having a well defined character traits is good, what’s better is how to apply them in the writing process for our characters in their dialogue, actions, and reactions. I must give this detail and dicipline more effort. My characters are defined and I use a profile. However, I find I not staying loyal enough to those profiles and those profiles can go more extreme, for a trait or two.

I have to keep in mind the character arc changes and there’s a transformational journey, however at the end, they are still the core person who set out on their journey. At the end they should have learned something about themselves and or the world they inhabit, however they’re still are the same character. At the end of Casablanca, Rick is still the heartbroken, jaded, expatriate he was when we met him. Except now he’s not as alone, made a friend in Louie, and got over his breakup with Elsa, but he’s still Rick.

PERSON # 1

Manipulator

Outgoing

Confident

Arrogant

PERSON # 2

Intelligent

Determined

Independant

Impatient

PERSON # 3

Compassionate

Dedicated

Adventurous

Private

I’ve know these individuals for a long time. If they didn’t exhibit these traits long the way, I’d be worried something is off. For all of us our behaviors are probably more obvious to others than they are to ourselves. If we had to list our own traits they probably be different than those assigned by others who know us best.

I’ve witnessed Person # 1, trying to change his behavior, (traits) it didn’t last more than a couple of weeks. As they say a zebra can’t change its stripes. We are comfortable in our own skin, sometimes to the point being detrimental.

[Edward Lusk]

Ed Puts Essence to Work

What I learned is…As Hal said, finding essence is an acquired skill. I feel like I’m learning to dance. I hear the music but haven’t found the beat yet. Deeper thought is required. I find I change my answer often, which I think is good. Got to keep digging for essence.

Script I choose: HENRY’S HALLMARK HOLIDAY

Scene 1 Location: Act One

Opening
Logline: Two mysterious characters fly over Seattle on a polar bear


Essence I’ve discovered: This scene, as written, has no true essence other than for entertaining curiosity. 
New Logline: Adults are coming from the North Pole and they are not nice. Or their intentions are rotten.

Scene 2 Location: Act One Main Character Intro.


Logline: Henry treat’s his father’s business like a playground. Is Henry just a reckless kid, or something else going on? 


Essence I’ve discovered: Henry’s safety is of no concern to his father occupied by his trouble business. Or, Henry’s not loved by his dad, or he’s too occupied with business to secure his son’s safety. 


New Logline: Henry’s cries out for attention by doing dangerous things that go on unchecked by his distracted father.

Scene 3 Location: Act One Scene Three


Logline: Henry’s father, Frank, and account George face the fact the companies broke. 


Essence I’ve discovered: We’re seeing two sides of Frank, the employer, who cares more about his reputation than his employees. From Henry’s POV, dad’s a surprisingly angry man but Henry does not know yet why. We learn Frank’s distracted by Henry’s past illness is to blame for his current situation. 


New Logline: Frank (unfairly?) is blaming Henry for the position he find’s his business is in today.

Scene 4 Location: Act One – Inciting Incident


Logline: Lawyer Jessica Thornhill (the one on the polar bear) declares Pelznikel Toys is bankrupt and she’s in charge now.


Essence I’ve discovered: Henry’s enters the confusing world of adulthood and no one, including his dad, is on his side. 
(cares about him)

New Logline: Henry discovers he’s on his own in the world and turns to social media for what he sees as attention.

Scene 5 Location: Act One – middle


Logline: Henry’s excited to tell his mom his social media followers have exploded. 


Essence I’ve discovered: This scene is about Henry and his relationship with his mom – what is that relationship? How to show it?

New Logline: Henry discovers his mom loves him but he needs to grow up.

[Edward Lusk]

Ed Lusk – OUTLINE VERSION # 2

Title Gift Exchange Hell

LogLine – A group of snowed in ski resort guest participate in a deadly gift exchange host by the demented Krampus and his evil partner, Saint Nicholas.

Horror Outline:

1- INT. CHARLOTTE AIRPORT – DAY

Teen, AVA, her parents, MIKE and LINDA, race for the gate, Ava lags behind, too cool to run. Frustration boils over, Ava curses her parents for being so nerdy. This is the RODAK Family.

2- INT. AIR PLANE – DAY.

The Rodak family fly to Burlington VT. It is bumpy flight. Ava proclaims she wished Christmas never happened. This trip is too stupid and onto of that – “I hope we crash and die”

HORROR SITUATION

Flying on a small commuter plane in a blizzard

Anxiety – will the plane crash?

Scares – one engine dies. Plane plummets.

Panic – we’re going to crash.

Release – Engine restarts – plane regain control

Creepy situation- did Ava’s cursing really cause this event?

3 – EXT. BURLINGTON AIRPORT – SHUTTLE BUS – DAY

Already on board, gay couple, JAMES & MICHAEL argue. Enter, REVEREND GENE, scholar/expert in pagans. The bus is just about to depart, the Rodaks get on too.

A SHERIFF warns a Nor’Easter will shut down the ski lodge. They be trapped for days.

4- INT. SKI RESORT – LOBBY – NIGHT

The place is deserted. Staff left ahead of the blizzard. The only ones left are MANAGER, bar tender TINA, and ski pro, SUSIE.

Eccentric strangers arrive. A man, long hair, scraggy beard, all in black, long coat and top hat. He is KRAMPUS, in disguise. His evil partner, SAINT NICHOLAS, red fur coat, white fur collar, gold walking stick, alpine style hat. No reservations.

HORROR SITUATION

Unnerving character – Two guest, Krampus and Nicholas, arrive looking out of the ordinary.

Apprehension – Already frustrated manager now feels threatened. Something is off.

Dread – they won’t go away easily. Can’t send them off into the storm either.

Creepy Moment – Krampus removes glasses – glowing yellow eyes.

Release – It appears they going to behave and be good chaps.

Terror – Nicholas kills the manager using his staff like a spear.

5- EXT. ROAD – SHUTTLE BUS – DAY

The travel guide falls off the bus into a ravine. Guests hesitantly agree to go on. It’s vacation time and weather getting worse. The driver will take care of it on the way back. All the riders express remorse, maybe they should not have left. Except Ava, she’s to self-centered to care.

6- INT. SKI LODGE – NIGHT

The guest from the shuttle bus check in. Nicholas is having fun behind the lobby counter pretend manager. He hands out room keys and invitations addressed to guests.

7- INT. GUEST ROOM – JAMES & MICHAEL – NIGHT

Unpacking – read the invitation – to a, “To Die For” arrival party in the bar tonight. Odd Christmas message. But it is open bar.

8- INT. GUEST ROOM – RODAKS – NIGHT

More arguing, Ava’s not going to the party. Fine. Also there’s no cell service. At least there’s Netflix.

9- INT. GUEST ROOM – REVEREND GENE – NIGHT

Gene examines the invitation with great interest. Smells the paper. He compares the handwriting to some reference in a text. He looks concerned.

10 – INT. SKI LODGE – BAR – NIGHT

The guest have assembled, Michael, James, Gene, Mike, Linda & TINA, the bar tender, complains to anyone who will listen on multiple topics . Krampus and Nicholas hold court. At this time they appear as eccentric, charming gentleman, serving as hosts.

Krampus notes Ava, is missing. She needs to be present. Mike, protests, but something sinister in Krampus’s request says he better go get her.

11 – INT. SKI LODGE – LOBBY – NIGHT

Guest and staff assemble. There’s a big Christmas tree with presents under it. Krampus and Nicholas explain they’re here for a gift exchange – with one catch the gifts contain a present to be used in killing off another guest.

Nicholas reveals that he knows each guest holds a terrible secret. A secret that needs retribution for. James blurts out about not stopping for the shuttle bus accident. Nicholas appreciates the confession but that’s not it.

Krampus assures them, they will shout out their secret to save their souls. He ponders, It might work, it might not.

Tina makes for the door. Nicholas walking stick, transforms into a bishops staff, with a hook on the end. It telescopes around her neck. It tightens, she turns blue as she dragged back into the room. She’s the first to go.

12- INT. BAR – NIGHT

TIna drinks her troubles away. She reaches under the bar, finds a revolver and tucks it away. The lobby clock strikes 7 bells.

13- INT. LOBBY – NIGHT

The guest assemble for the 7 o’clock killing. Tina’s the victim. But by who’s gift?

They all turn to the bar where Tina, emerges, drunk. Looking defeated. Linda pleads for this to end now. Mike tries to intervene. Krampus sends him sailing against the wall. He’s knocked out.

Tina pulls the gun, rather than pointing it at Michael she empties the gun, firing at Nicholas and Krampus. No effect. Laugh it off. Krampus call on Michael to deliver his “Gift”

HORROR SITUATION

Tina the bar tenders going to be killed by a guest.

Surprise – Tina can’t believe their intentions – joke right?

Suspense – what’s the gift for killing. By who?

Shock – Michael’s going to be the killer

Release – Mike or Michael? Krampus and Nicholas argue over the screw up with the identical names.

Release – Tina confesses she’s been steeling from the bar. Saved?

Panic – James tries to escape. BF, Michael, will kill Tina.

Terror – Michaels gift to Tina is death by a hedge trimmer. It’s messy.

Creepy Moment – the lights go off.

14 – INT. GUEST ROOM – JAMES & MICHAEL – NIGHT

James is an emotional wreck. Micheal’s confesses he’s surprised by his embracing the power of murder.

15 – INT. GUEST ROOM – THE RODAKS – NIGHT

Mike has ice on his head. Linda believes reasoning with these strangers will get them out of this. Ava trying to convince them this some prank for social media. Just wait and see. It sounds reasonable, give the situation. But still, are they with psychopaths?

16 – INT. GENE’S ROOM – NIGHT

Reverend Gene, anxious, is flipping through pages of his pagan text books. Pictures of Krampus and Saint Nicholas escapades, flip over the pages.

17 – INT. MEAT LOCKER – NIGHT

Gene and Michael carry Tina into the meat locker. Gene tells Michael he’s been studying the Krampus for years. There’s a chance of defeating them but it’s risky. Michael recommends overpowering them. Gene dismissed that idea. They can’t be taken, at least not alive.

18- INT. BAR – NIGHT

Krampus invites Michael for a drink – he killed the bartender after all. Krampus admits he admires Michael. He’s got a certain panache that’s attractive. With a wink, he tells Michael he has a proposition for him. One that he will like.

19 – INT. LOBBY – NIGHT

Krampus flings Gene at the fireplace. He’s held near the flame long enough to suffer for his planned betrayal. Krampus announces we shall gift exchange again at 8 Bells.

Krampus , invites Michael to join him for a drink, since he killed the bar tender he’ll have to mix drinks.

20 – INT. GUEST ROOM – THE RODAKS – NIGHT

There’s a knock, Reverend Gene at the door. Linda tends to his burns. Gene hears of the air plane incident. Gene suggest Krampus, was summoned here as a fan of naughty children. Ava freaks out that her curse of the holiday and hopes of death summoned Krampus to the ski resort. She is to blame for Krampus & Nicholas being here.

Gene discusses a plan with Mike for killing Saint Nicholas, he’s not as strong as Krampus, Nicholas is only the messenger essentially. They work together as a pair. Michael has his doubts.

21- INT. LOBBY – NIGHT

Susie sits nervously. She’s alone. Michael , Krampus, Nichols arrive. No one else is here. The clock strikes eight. Krampus tortures Susie, her screams bring down the others from their rooms. Gene is the next victim since he’s a traitor and a pain in Krampus’s butt for many years. The Gift is FROM Mike TO Gene.

HORROR SITUATION

Gene is about to be killed by Mike.

Anxiety – how will Gene be killed?

Shock – the killing gift is a cross bow.

Suspense – Mike will get one shot from the second story landing.

Unnerving character – Father and husband about to be a killer

Release – Mike misses Gene but kills Nicholas (accident?) instead. The 8 PM killing rule is satisfied none the less.

Terror – Nicholas disembodies , piece by piece, he departs through the fireplace and up the flue.

22 – INT. SKI PRO OFFICE – NIGHT

Ava, Linda and Susie are in the office. Susie reveals there’s a way to get to the ski lift shed and down the mountain – but the person has to be small – like Ava. She protests but Linda convinces Ava she must risk it.

23 – INT. BASEMENT – UTILITY ROOM – NIGHT

Ava, Linda and Susie hatch an escape plan for AVA.

24 – INT. JAMES & MICHEAL’S ROOM – NIGHT

There’s a way to kill Krampus. The bolt that killed Nicholas is in the lobby. It has his blood on it. If Krampus can be stabbed with it, it can kill him. Blood of the blood curse.

25 – INT. LOBBY – NIGHT

The clock loudly strikes 9 PM, not one is around except Krampus and Reverend Gene. Gene not good and hiding his plan glancing at the cross bolt bolt on the floor.

Krampus sits by the fire. He appears to me meditating. Tongues of fire from the fire place snake around the complex seeking those hiding.

26- INT. BAR – NIGHT

Michael and James are chased out by the fire.

27 – INT. RODAKS GUEST ROOM – NIGHT

Ava and Linda are chased out by the flames.

28 – INT. SKI LODGE – UTILTY ROOM – NIGHT

Susie is chased out from her hiding location.

29 – INT. LOBBY – NIGHT

Before long they are all back in the lobby. The tension is high. Linda pleads for this cruel exchange end immediately. Ava wants him to just go away. Reverend Gene warns Krapmus he’ll not get away with this. James is in the verge of hysteria.

Next gift FROM James to AVA. It’s a fancy scarf, not for wearing, for strangulating.

HORROR SITUATION

Young teen girl strangulated by hysterical man.

Dread – Everyone got the sick idea of the gift exchange by now

Panic – Ava too young to die

Hysteria- James is no killer, he’s falling apart.

Horror – Ava admits it not the first time she tried strangulation. James wraps the scarf around her neck. Ava eyes bulge, she turns blue. Gasps for air that’s not there.

Surprise – Ava breaks free.

Release – she won’t be strangled to death.

Suspense – will she escape? – she runs for the basement

30 – INT. BASEMENT UTLITY ROOM – NIGHT

Ava and Susie storm down the stairs. Susie flips open the trap door. Ava climbs in. James screams for her to stop. Krampus will kill him if she gets away. Ava kicks free and climbs onward. Susie clocks James across the back with a large wrench. Ava disappears into the dark shaft.

31 – INT. SKI LODGE – LOBBY – NIGHT

Reverend Gene watches Krampus retrieve the cross bow. Obviously he’ll go for the bolt next. Gene times his move. He lunges for the bolt, just as Krampus goes for it. Krampus stomps his foot down on Genes’s hand, smashing it. Gene blurts out he’s a child molester. Krampus stabs Gene in the eye with the bolt. Blood spurts everywhere. Krampus goes to the second story landing that over looks the ski shed.

32 – INT. SKI LODGE – SECOND STORY LANDING – NIGHT

Krampus pushes open the double doors. Through the blizzard Ava is seen fussing about in the ski lift shed. Krampus waits for an open moment.

33 – EXT. SKI LIFT SHED – NIGHT

Ava throws some levers releasing the brakes on the lift. The chairs start to move down the mountain. She hops into one. She clears the shed , out into the open.

34 – INT. SKI LODGE – SECOND STORY LANDING – NIGHT

Krampus steadies the cross bow. Ava in his sights just twenty yards away. His about to pull the trigger when CRACK – Linda slugs him over the head with the wrench from the utility room.

HORROR SITUATION

Ava watches her mother, Linda get bludgeoned to death by Krampus.

Anxiety – will Ava escape or get caught?

Shock – Linda strikes Krampus over the head with a wrench

Fear – Krampus is a monster. He will retaliate.

Horror – Linda yells out Ava’s adopted. Linda is bludgeoned to death by Krampus

Hysteria – Ava loses it on the ski lift.

Surprise – Krampus takes a shot at Ava with the cross bow – misses

Release – Ave escapes down the ski lift.

Mike charges of the stairs to attack Krampus. With a wave of his hand, Krampus sends Mike flying off the stairs onto the deer antler chandelier. He’s impaled on it, left swinging over the lobby.

35 – INT. SKI LODGE LOBBY – NIGHT

Krampus returns to the lobby, bloodied. He seethes at Susie, she jabs at him with a ski pole. Krampus forces her down the stairs to the utility room.

36 – INT. SKI LODGE – BASEMENT – UTILITY ROOM – NIGHT

The giant fly wheel controlling the ski lift turns slowly. The cables snap tight. Krampus pushes Susie down the stairs. Michael and James follow. She lays stunned next to the spinning wheel. Susie confesses she cheated to win her gold medal.

HORROR SITUATION

Susie about to be fed into the gears for the ski lift mechanism.

Fear – James and Michael have to throw Susie into the gears.

Anxiety – it’s a strange way to die.

Shock – they pick her up by the feet and hands and toss her into the fly wheel.

Horror – Susie’s body ground up like in a food processor.

Surprise – Susie gums up the works – the ski lift stops.

37 – EXT. SKI LIFT – NIGHT

Ava rides the ski lift down mid-mountain. Then it jerks to a stop leaving her thirty feet in the air.

38 – INT. UTILITY ROOM – NIGHT

James and Michael are the last two left. One must kill the other for the game to end. Krampus doesn’t have a preference. They refuse. James, hysterical, runs outside, up to his waste in snow. The blizzard rages on. Michael calls after him. Krampus – He won’t get far.

39 – INT/EXT. SKI LODGE GARAGE – NIGHT

The door raises and the snow groomer machine plows out into the snow. Michael’s driving it.

40 – EXT. SKI SLOPE – NIGHT

James barely makes it down the slope. He’s screaming for Ava. He can’t see through the storm. Up the slope the glaring lights of the snow groomer marks it approach.

41 – INT. SNOW GROOMER – NIGHT

Krampus spots James ahead- he points the direction out for Michael. They close in.

42 – EXT. SKI LIFT – NIGHT

Ava hears her name being yelled but from where? She can’t see anyone. She screams out – JAMES? She takes out her phone and turns on the flash light.

43 – EXT. SKI SLOPE – NIGHT

James sees Ava’s light. He tries to make his ways to that direction.

44 – EXT. SKI LIFT – NIGHT

James yells at Ava they are coming for her. She needs to get down and run. She’s afraid too high. James climbs up reaches for Ava and helps her over the the lift tower. They climb down together. James says he’ll hold them off. Ave need to run for the road for safety. She proclaim he’s the bravest man she knows.

45 – INT. SNOW GROOMER – NIGHT

James appears in the snow groomer’s lights. He starts running as best he can down the slope. James stays inline with the lift towers. Krampus tells Michael to run him over. Michael guns the groomer. The distance to James getting closer. Krampus smiles. He loves this stuff.

46 -EXT. SKI SLOPE – NIGHT

James is exhausted. He can barely move in the heavy snow. The groomer is nearly upon him. He makes a last dash for the next ski lift tower. He yells out he’s never loved Michael. Before he reaches it the groomer runs him over. The snow turns red.

HORROR SITUATION

James is run over by the snow groomer machine driven by Michael.

Anxiety -it’s difficult to run away in the blizzard.

Fear – The machine is getting closer, blades snapping

Suspense – will James make it?

Horror – He falls.The snow groomer churns him up. Snow turns red.

Creepy Moment – Krampus eats the red snow.

47 – INT. SNOW GROOMER – NIGHT

Distraught – Michael loses track of where the groomer is. It smashes into the ski lift tower. The occupants rocked against the windshield. Nothing but the sound of the blizzard raging outside.

INT. LOBBY – NIGHT

Krampus and Michael cozy up next to the fire. Krampus assures Michael he will stay young and handsome for as long as they are together. But there’s a price. There’s always a price.

48 – INT. PARIS – HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT

A fancy hotel suite, Krampus stands by the window, admiring the view of the Eiffel Tower. Michael emerges from the bathroom wearing a towel. His hair wet. Krampus says he has something from Micahael, who seems unsure of the implication.

Michael opens the gift. It’s a miniature version of a guillotine. Big enough to take off a thumb, or worse. Krampus tugs at Micahael’s towel. It falls off.

49 – EXT. PARIS HOTEL – NIGHT

From inside Krampus’s room we hear Michael scream out in agony. The scream goes on and on as we pull away from the building flying across the Paris sky. The lights on the Eiffel Tower go off.

[Edward Lusk]

I agree to the release form. Ed Lusk

[Edward Lusk]

Hi Creative Mastery Group.

I’ve written 6 screenplays.

What I hope to get out of this creative mastery class is to go from good writing to great writing. I realize just writing more scrips won’t improve my quality. I need the extra skill set this class will supply to elevate. Excited to improve.

I was an extra in some movies shot around the Cleveland area. Did you know the Russo Brothers filmed several Marvel movies in Cleveland? They are from here.

[Edward Lusk]

Ed Finds the Essence

What I learned, finding essence is difficult. I find trying to sort out the other “noise” helps me focus on what is trying to be accomplished within the scene. I think if this scene was removed, what would be not learn as the audience. Somewhat reverse engineering.

Script I choose: JURASSIC PARK

Scene 1 Location: Beginning of Act One
Logline: Dr. Grant and Dr. Sattler (Ellie) explore a dinosaur fossil site 
Essence: These paleontologist are experts, lovers, looking for answers in the dirt.

Scene 2 Location: Mid Act One
Logline: Grant and Ellie meet their benefactor, Hammond for the first time
Essence: Hammond needs Grant and Ellie’s help getting his park certified

Scene 3 Location: End of Act One
Logline: Grant and Ellie, and others, come to Jurassic Park, meet real dinosaurs and find answers. 
Essence: Dinosaurs live again and the amazed scientist discover they are different that what they thought.

Scene 4 Location: Act Two – Beginning 
Logline: Hamond shows his guest how Dinosaurs are created in the lab. 
Essence: Twist of fate – The scientist suspect what Hammond is doing is dangerous.

Scene 5 Location: Act Three – Near End 
Logline: Hammond goes for broke shutting down the system for a reboot try.
Essence: Desperate times call for desperate measures.

My selection for most profound essence:

The essence of this scene is the scientist detect a level of danger, not appreciation, in what Hammond has done by bio-engineering dinosaurs – in particular – Velociraptors.

INT HATCHERY/NURSERY DAY

The hatchery is a vast, open room, bathed in infrared light.

Long tables run the length of the place, all covered with eggs, their

pale outlines obscured by hissing low mist that’s all through the room.

HAMMOND

Come on in.

HAMMOND takes off his hat and hands it one of the technicians.

HENRY WU, late twenties, Asian-American, wearing a white lab

coat works at a nearby table, making notes.

HAMMOND (cont’d)

Good day, Henry.

WU

Oh, good day, Sir.

GRANT goes to a round, open with various eggs under a strong

light.

One of the eggs makes strong movements – a robotic arm steadies

the shell.

GRANT

My God! Look!

Hammond, Ellie, and Malcolm join him, as does Henry Wu.

WU

Ah, perfect timing! I’d hoped they’d hatch before I had

to go to the boat.

HAMMOND

Henry, why didn’t you tell me? you know I insist on

being here when they’re born.

Hammond puts on a pair of plastic gloves.

The egg begins to crack. The robotic arm moves away….a BABY

DINOSAUR tries to get out, just its head sticking out of the shell.

Hammond reaches down and carefully breaks away egg fragments,

helping the baby dinosaur out of its shell.

HAMMOND

Come on, then, out you come.

HAMMOND (cont’d)

They imprint on the first living creature they come in

contact with. That helps them to trust me. I’ve been

present for the birth of every animal on this Island.

Just look at that.

MALCOLM

Surely not the ones that have bred in the wild?

WU

Actually, they can’t breed in the wild. Population

control is one of our security precautions here. There

is no unauthorized breeding in Jurassic Park.

Grant and Ellie exchange a look. She manages not to smile.

MALCOLM

How do you know they can’t breed?

WU

Because all the animals in Jurassic Park are females.

(I’ve) We engineered them that way.

Hammond keeps his attention trained on the new dinosaur.

HAMMOND

There you are. Out you come.

ELLIE

Oh my God.

HAMMOND

Could I have a tissue please?

WU

Right away (certainly). Coming right up.

The animal is now free, Hammond sets in don carefully next to

its shell. Grant picks it up and holds it in the palm of his hand,

under the incubator’s heat light.

GRANT

Blood temperature feels like high eighties.

HAMMOND

Wu?

WU

Ninety-one.

Grant picks up the large, broken half-shell, but the robotic arm

snatches it back out of his hand, and puts it down.

GRANT

Homoeothermic? It holds that temperature?

(to Wu)

Incredible.

Malcolm is looking at Hammond, skeptical.

MALCOLM

But again, how do you know they’re all female? Does

someone go into the park and, uh – – lift up the

dinosaurs’ skirts?

WU

We control their chromosomes. It’s not that difficult.

All vertebrate embryos are inherently female anyway. It takes an extra

hormone at the right developmental stage to create a male, and we

simply deny them that.

HAMMOND

Your silence intrigues me.

MALCOLM

John, the kind of control you’re attempting is not

possible. If there’s one thing the history of evolution

has taught us, it’s that life will not be contained.

Life breaks free. It expands to new territories. It

crashes through barriers. Painfully, maybe even..

dangerously, but and…well, there it is.

Ellie listens to him, impressed.

HAMMOND

Watch her head – support her head.

Grant, ignoring the others, picks up the baby dinosaur, and

holds it on the palm of his hand, under the incubator’s heat light. He

spreads the tiny animal out on the back of his hand and delicately runs

his finger over its tail, counting the vertebrae. A look of puzzled

recognition crosses his face.

WU

You’re implying that a group of composed entirely of

females will breed?

MALCOLM

I’m simply saying that life – – finds a way.

ELLIE

“You can’t control anything.” I agree with that. I

like that.

She walks over to Malcolm, he smiles at her, too warmly.

ELLIE (cont’d)

You can talk. I don’t k now how to say it. You’re just

articulate. You say everything that I think, that I

feel. It’s exciting.

(or)

I find it so exciting. It’s exciting that you can’t

control life, that you know – –

(or)

You know that, I find it terrifying. Life will always

find a way.

MALCOLM

That’s right. Will break through.

ELLIE

I get ah – –

MALCOLM

I know, it’s very exciting.

ELLIE

And scary.

MALCOLM

And scary.

ELLIE

When people try to control things that it’s out of their

power – –

MALCOLM

It’s anti-nature.

ELLIE

Anti-nature.

Grant doesn’t notice, as he’s still obsessed with the infant

dinosaur, measuring and weighing it on a nearby lab bench. He stops, a

strange look on his face. He knows what this animal is – – but it

can’t be.

GRANT

(dreading the answer)

What species is this?

WU

Uh – – it’s a Velociraptor.

Grant and Ellie turn slowly and look at each other, then look at

Hammond, astonished.

GRANT

You bred raptors?

[Edward Lusk]

Good job with the first draft James. Please reduce the exposition and get the the essence of scenes. Number them for easy notes reference and read.

The horror scenes should be labeled , Horror Situation, and broken by the structure; emotions, releases, reactions act, and creepy moments. Helps identify and analyze those.

I see you write in series of three’s. Three animal attacks in the opening and three couples engaging in sex for character introductions.

I love the idea of the bear scare in the opening act. It ties in well with the bear trap kill. Not sure the additional animals scares are needed after that. For the character intro’s maybe intro the characters in three different scenes, one sex ,the others ? to better reveals to their character and supports later emotional reactions.

Good monster intro built in and mystery who this person is and why he’s dragging bodies away. I like the twist that Lonnie’s setting the traps since he’s not a cannibal, he (they) are carrions. It’s fun irony for sure.

We see the monster’s face , Lonnie, late, right? third act. Could be a midpoint scene too. Depends where most impactful. I like the idea of how Lonnie’s revealed. When is a tougher call.

I was wondering way Aubrey has a spear gun. Aren’t those used under water? Always a fun killing weapon. Just seems out of place in the woods.

And The story continues! I like the ending with the close encounter with the survivors. Lonnie’s (feral kids !) family off looking for food again, weird kind of family picnic. Says a lot!

[Edward Lusk]

Ed Lusk – OUTLINE VERSION 1

Title: Gift Exchange Hell

Logline – A group of snowed in ski resort guests participate in a deadly gift exchange hosted by a demented Krampus and his evil partner, Saint Nicholas.

Horror Outline:

1- INT. SKI RESORT – LOBBY – NIGHT

Eccentric strangers arrive. A man, long hair, scraggy beard, all in black, long coat and top hat. He is KRAMPUS, in disguise. His evil partner, SAINT NICHOLAS, red fur coat, white fur collar, gold walking stick, alpine style hat. They have no reservations.

HORROR SITUATION

Unnerving character – Two guest, Krampus and Nicholas, arrive looking out of the ordinary.

Apprehension – Lodge manager feels threatened. Something is off.

Dread – they won’t go away easily.

Creepy Moment – Krampus removes glasses – glowing yellow eyes.

Release – It appears they going to give up and leave.

Terror – Nicholas kills the manager using his staff like a spear.

2- INT. CHARLOTTE AIRPORT – DAY

Teen, AVA, her parents, MIKE and LINDA, race for the gate, Ava lags behind, too cool to run. Frustration boils over, Ava curses her parents for being so nerdy. This is the RODAK Family.

3- INT. AIR PLANE – DAY.

The Rodak family fly to Burlington VT. It is bumpy flight.

HORROR SITUATION

Flying on a small commuter plane in a blizzard

Anxiety – will the plane crash?

Scares – one engine dies. Plane plummets.

Panic – we’re going to crash.

Release – Engine restarts – plane regain control

4 – EXT. BURLINGTON AIRPORT – SHUTTLE BUS – DAY

Already on board gay couple, JAMES & MICHAEL argue. Enter, REVEREND GENE, scholar/expert in pagans. The bus is just about to depart, the Rodaks get on too.

A SHERIFF warns a Nor Easter will shut down the ski lodge. They be trapped for days.

5- EXT. ROAD – SHUTTLE BUS – DAY

The travel guide falls off the bus into a ravine. Guests agree to go on. Vacation time and weather getting worse. The driver will take care of it on the way back. They all feel guilty, except Ava.

6- INT. SKI LODGE – NIGHT

The guest from the shuttle bus check in. Nicholas is behind the lobby counter. He hands out room keys and invitations addressed to guests.

7- INT. GUEST ROOM – JAMES & MICHAEL – NIGHT

Unpacking – read the invitation – to a, “To Die For” arrival party in the bar tonight. Odd Christmas message. But it is open bar.

8- INT. GUEST ROOM – RODAKS – NIGHT

More arguing, Ava’s not going to the party. Fine. Also there’s no cell service. At least there’s Netflix.

9- INT. GUEST ROOM – REVEREND GENE – NIGHT

Gene examines the invitation with great interest. Smells the paper. He compares the handwriting to some reference in a text. He looks concerned.

10 – INT. SKI LODGE – BAR – NIGHT

The guest have assembled, Michael, James, Gene, Mike, Linda & TINA, the bar tender, complains to anyone who will listen on multiple topics . Krampus and Nicholas hold court. At this time they appear as eccentric, charming gentleman, serving as hosts.

Krampus notes Ava, is missing. She needs to be present. Mike, protests, but something sinister in Krampus’s request says he better go get her.

11 – INT. SKI LODGE – LOBBY – NIGHT

Guest and staff assemble. There’s a big Christmas tree with presents under it. Krampus and Nicholas explain they’re here for a gift exchange – with one catch the gifts contain a present to be used in killing off another guest.

Nicholas reveals that he knows each of them holds a terrible secret. A secret that needs retribution for. James blurts out about the shuttle bus accident. Nicholas appreciates the confession but that’s not it.

Krampus assures them, they will shout out their secret to save their souls. It might work, it might not.

Tina makes for the door. Nicholas walking stick, transforms into a bishops staff, with a hook on the end. It telescopes around her neck. It tightens, she turns blue as she dragged back into the room. She’s the first to go.

12- INT. BAR – NIGHT

TIna drinks her troubles away. She reaches under the bar, finds a revolver and tucks it away. The lobby clock strikes 7 bells.

13- INT. LOBBY – NIGHT

The guest assemble for the 7 o’clock killing. Tina’s the victim. But by who’s gift?

They all turn to the bar where Tina, emerges, drunk. Looking defeated. Linda pleads for this to end now. Mike tries to intervene. Krampus sends him sailing against the wall.

Tina pulls the gun, rather than pointing it at Michael she empties the gun, firing at Nicholas and Krampus. No effect. Laugh it off. Krampus call on Michael to deliver his “Gift”

HORROR SITUATION

Tina the bar tenders going to be killed by a guest.

Surprise – Tina can’t believe their intentions – joke right?

Suspense – what’s the gift for killing. By who?

Shock – Michael’s going to be the killer

Release – Mike or Michael? Krampus and Nicholas argue over the screw up.

Release – Tina confesses she’s been steeling from the bar. Saved?

Panic – James tries to escape. BF, Michael, will kill Tina.

Terror – Michaels gift to Tina is death by a hedge trimmer. It’s messy.

Creepy Moment – the lights go off.

14 – INT. GUEST ROOM – JAMES & MICHAEL – NIGHT

James is a wreck, Micheal’s surprised by the feeling of power of murder. Is this Michael’s secret?

15 – INT. GUEST ROOM – THE RODAKS – NIGHT

Linda believes reasoning with these strangers will get them out of this. Ava trying to convince them this some prank for social media. Just wait and see. It sounds reasonable, give the situation. But still, are they with psychopaths?

16 – INT. GENE’S ROOM – NIGHT

Reverend Gene, anxious, is flipping through pages of his pagan text books. Pictures of Krampus and Saint Nicholas escapades, flip over the pages.

17 – INT. MEAT LOCKER – NIGHT

Gene and Michael carry Tina into the meat locker. Gene tells Michael there is a chance of defeating them but it’s risky. Michael recommends overpowering them. Gene dismissed that idea. They can’t be taken, at least not alive.

18 – INT. LOBBY – NIGHT

Krampus flings Gene at the fireplace. He’s held near the flame long enough to suffer for his planned betrayal. Krampus announces we shall gift exchange again at 8 Bells.

Krampus , invites Michael to join him for a drink, since he killed the bar tender he’ll have to mix drinks.

19 – INT. GUEST ROOM – THE RODAKS – NIGHT

There’s a knock, Reverend Gene at the door. Linda tends to his burns. Gene learns of the air plane incident. Ava freaks out that she is to blame for Krampus & Nicholas being here.

Gene discusses a plan with Mike for killing Saint Nicholas, he’s not as strong as Krampus, Nicholas is only the messenger essentially. They work together as a pair.

20 – INT. LOBBY – NIGHT

Susie sits nervously. She’s alone. Michael , Krampus, Nichols arrive. No one else is here. The clock strikes eight. Krampus tortures Susie, her screams bring down the others from their rooms. Gene is the next victim since he’s a traitor. The Gift is FROM Mike TO Gene.

HORROR SITUATION

Gene is about to be killed by Mike.

Anxiety – how will Gene be killed?

Shock – the killing gift is a cross bow.

Suspense – Mike will get one shot from the second story landing.

Unnerving character – Father and husband about to be a killer

Release – Mike misses Gene but kills Nicholas (accident?) instead. The 8 PM killing rule is satisfied.

Terror – Nicholas disembodies , piece by piece he departs through the fireplace and up the flue.

21 – INT. SKI PRO OFFICE – NIGHT

Ava, Linda and Susie are in the office. Susie reveals there’s a way to get to the ski lift shed and down the mountain – but the person has to be small – like Ava. She protests but Linda convinces Ava she must risk it.

22 – INT. BASEMENT – UTILITY ROOM – NIGHT

Ava, Linda and Susie hatch an escape plan for AVA.

23 – INT. JAMES & MICHEAL’S ROOM – NIGHT

There’s a way to kill Krampus. The bolt that killed Nicholas is in the lobby. It has his blood on it. If Krampus can be stabbed with it, it can kill him. Blood of the blood curse.

24 – INT. LOBBY – NIGHT

The clock loudly strikes 9 PM, not one is around except Krampus and Reverend Gene. Gene not good and hiding his plan glancing at the cross bolt bolt on the floor.

Krampus sits by the fire. He appears to me meditating. Tongues of fire from the fire place snake around the complex seeking those hiding.

25 – INT. BAR – NIGHT

Michael and James are chased out by the fire.

26 – INT. RODAKS GUEST ROOM – NIGHT

Ava and Linda are chased out by the flames.

27 – INT. SKI LODGE – UTILTY ROOM – NIGHT

Susie is chased out from her hiding location.

28 – INT. LOBBY – NIGHT

Before long they are all back in the lobby. The tension is high. Linda pleads for this cruel exchange end immediately. Ava wants him to just go away. Reverend Gene warns Kramus he’ll not get away with this. James is in the verge of hysteria.

Next gift FROM James to AVA. It’s a fancy scarf, not for wearing, for strangulating.

HORROR SITUATION

Young teen girl strangulated by hysterical man.

Dread – Everyone got the sick idea of the gift exchange by now

Panic – Ava too young to die

Hysteria- James is no killer, he’s falling apart.

Horror – Ava eyes bulge, she turns blue. Gasps for air that’s not there.

Surprise – Ava breaks free.

Release – she won’t be strangled to death.

Suspense – will she escape? – she runs for the basement

29 – INT. BASEMENT UTLITY ROOM – NIGHT

Ava and Susie storm down the stairs. Susie flips open the trap door. Ava climbs in. James screams for her to stop. Krampus will kill him if she gets away. Ava kicks free and climbs onward. Susie clocks James across the back with a large wrench. Ava disappears into the dark shaft.

30 – INT. SKI LODGE – LOBBY – NIGHT

Reverend Gene watches Krampus retrieve the cross bow. Obviously he’ll go for the bolt next. Gene times his move. He lunges for the bolt, just as Krampus goes for it. Krampus stomps his foot down on Genes’s hand, smashing it. Krampus stabs Gene in the eye with the bolt. Blood spurts everywhere. Krampus goes to the second story landing that over looks the ski shed.

31 – INT. SKI LODGE – SECOND STORY LANDING – NIGHT

Krampus pushes open the double doors. Through the blizzard Ava is seen fussing about in the ski lift shed. Krampus waits for an open moment.

32 – EXT. SKI LIFT SHED – NIGHT

Ava throws some levers releasing the brakes on the lift. The chairs start to move down the mountain. She hops into one. She clears the shed , out into the open.

33 – INT. SKI LODGE – SECOND STORY LANDING – NIGHT

Krampus steadies the cross bow. Ava in his sights just twenty yards away. His about to pull the trigger when CRACK – Linda slugs him over the head with the wrench from the utility room.

HORROR SITUATION

Ava watches her mother, Linda get bludgeoned to death by Krampus.

Anxiety – will Ava escape or get caught?

Shock – Linda struck Krampus over the head with a wrench

Fear – Krampus is a monster. He will retaliate.

Horror – Linda is bludgeoned to death by Krampus

Hysteria – Ava loses it.

Surprise – Krampus takes a shot at Ava with the cross bow – misses

Release – Ave escapes down the ski lift.

34 – INT. SKI LODGE LOBBY – NIGHT

Krampus returns to the lobby, bloodied. He seethes at Susie, she jabs at him with a ski pole. Krampus forces her down the stairs to the utility room.

35 – INT. SKI LODGE – BASEMENT – UTILITY ROOM – NIGHT

The giant fly wheel controlling the ski lift turns slowly. The cables snap tight. Krampus pushes Susie down the stairs. Michael and James follow. She lays stunned next to the spinning wheel.

HORROR SITUATION

Susie about to be fed into the gears for the ski lift mechanism.

Fear – James and Michael have to throw Susie into the gears.

Anxiety – it’s a strange way to die.

Shock – they pick her up by the feet and hands and toss her into the fly wheel.

Horror – Susie’s body ground up like in a food processor.

Surprise – Susie gums up the works – the ski lift stops.

36 – EXT. SKI LIFT – NIGHT

Ava rides the ski lift down mid-mountain. Then it jerks to a stop leaving her thirty feet in the air.

37 – INT. UTILITY ROOM – NIGHT

James and Michael are the last two left. One must kill the other for the game to end. Krampus doesn’t have a preference. They refuse. James, hysterical, runs outside, up to his waste in snow. The blizzard rages on. Michael calls after him. Krampus – He won’t get far.

38 – INT/EXT. SKI LODGE GARAGE – NIGHT

The door raises and the snow groomer machine plows out into the snow. Michael’s driving it.

39 – EXT. SKI SLOPE – NIGHT

James barely makes it down the slope. He’s screaming for Ava. He can’t see through the storm. Up the slope the glaring lights of the snow groomer marks it approach.

40 – INT. SNOW GROOMER – NIGHT

Krampus spots James ahead- he points the direction out for Michael. They close in

41 – EXT. SKI LIFT – NIGHT

Ava hears her name being yelled but from where? She can’t see anyone. She screams out – JAMES? She takes out her phone and turns on the flash light.

42 – EXT. SKI SLOPE – NIGHT

James sees Ava’s light. He tries to make his ways to that direction.

43 – EXT. SKI LIFT – NIGHT

James yells at Ava they are coming for her. She needs to get down and run. She’s afraid too high. James climbs up reaches for Ava and helps her over the the lift tower. They climb down together. James says he’ll hold them off. Ave need to run for the road for safety. She proclaim he’s the bravest man she knows.

44 – INT. SNOW GROOMER – NIGHT

James appears in the snow groomer’s lights. He starts running as best he can down the slope. James stays inline with the lift towers. Krampus tells Michael to run him over. Michael guns the groomer. The distance to James getting closer. Michael wipes away a tear. Krampus smiles. He loves this.

EXT. SKI SLOPE – NIGHT

James is exhausted. He can barely move in the heavy snow. The groomer is nearly upon him. He makes a last dash for the next ski lift tower. Before he reaches it the groomer runs him over. The snow turns red.

HORROR SITUATION

James is run over by the snow groomer machine driven by Michael.

Anxiety -it’s difficult to run away in the blizzard.

Fear – The machine is getting closer, blades snapping

Suspense – will James make it?

Horror – He falls.The snow groomer churns him up. Snow turns red.

Creepy Moment – Krampus eats the red snow.

45 – INT. SNOW GROOMER – NIGHT

Distraught – Michael loses track of where the groomer is. It smashes into the ski lift tower. The occupants rocked against the windshield and dash. Nothing but the sound of the blizzard raging outside.

46 – INT. PARIS – HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT

A fancy hotel suite, Krampus stands by the window, admiring the view of the lit up Eiffel Tower. Michael emerges from the bathroom wearing a towel. His hair wet. Krampus says he has a gift from Michael, who seems unsure of the implication.

Michael opens the gift. It’s a miniature version of a guillotine. Big enough to take off a thumb, or worse. Krampus tugs at Micahael’s towel. It falls to the floor.

47 – EXT. PARIS HOTEL – NIGHT

From inside Krampus’s room we hear Michael scream out in agony. The scream goes on and on as we pull away from the building flying across the Paris sky. The lights on the Eiffel Tower go out.

[Edward Lusk]

Ed’s Scary as Hell Scene.

What I learned doing this assignment is how different and useful scene mapping by situation and emotion is as opposed to just action. This is a tool I can use in other genre’s scenes as well as horror. The result is better defined and less wandering.

SCENE: Deceptive- Lured into horror – The gift exchange participants discover their gift is to be used to kill another participant. If they decline then they shall be killed.

Map:

Anxiety – Assembled ski lodge guest forced to participant in deadly gift exchange. Have to wait until stroke of eight bells to start.

Suspense – what is the gift? Who’s participating? Guests find their present under the tree. Await Krampus’s calling of who will participate. What is TO and FROM meaning?

Release: There’s a moment of comedy of name mix up between Mike and Michael. Michael and Gene are participating . The other Mike is safe. The other guest are not participating in this round of the exchange and are safe.

Anguish -Can participant do this? Participants have to watch. Seems unfair, Gene’s cross bow versus Michael’s acid. One shot, from the balcony. A miss means downing a shot of acid by Gene.

Panic – If participant does not go through with it, will be killed. James pleads Michael not go through with it. Has not choice. Other guest have to witness the murder & protest.

Terror – Killing another in gruesome way to ensure one’s survival. There is a killing but is is Saint Nicholas is killed by Gene, not Michael. Accident or intentional? Krampus rages for revenge. The others fear him.

Release – Because Saint Nicholas was killed, satisfying the rules. The guest are safe until next round. Krampus crumbles over. Appears to be dead. Game over?

INT. SKI RESORT – LOBBY – NIGHT.

The massive lobby clock begins to strike seven bells. The fire dances in the hearth casting shifting shadows. The guests, Ava, Mike, Linda, James, Michael, Susie and Gene descend from their rooms. One by one they assemble in front of Krampus and Saint Nicholas. The clock stops marking the hour. Worry drips across their faces.

Saint Nicholas stomps his staff on the wood floor announcing the gift exchange round is to begin.

KRAMPUS

Thank for coming down. So exciting. Isn’t it?

It’s not everyday one is given the opportunity to kill

Another person with impunity using a carefully chosen

Christmas present. One elegant kill an hour.

Nicholas, you have the floor.

MIKE

This is insane! You’ll never get away with it!

KRAMPUS

Silence! Or you’ll be the first to go.

NICHOLAS

By the rules for in the gift exchange,

Under the tree is a gift with your name on it.

Please pick it up.

The participants don’t move. Frozen in fear. Krampus yellow eyes glow with impatience.

KRAMPUS

Now !

Ava’s first, she snaps her’s up. It’s a small package. The other’s follow. Gene has a particularly large gift. He can barely get his arms around it. They all step back from the tree, gifts in hand.

NICHOLAS

Wonderful. I took great care in picking

These out just for you. What? No shaking, no guessing.

Go ahead. Just no peaking.

The participants reluctantly give their boxes a shake.

KRAMPUS

The rules are simple. Your gift has a tag on it.

From one of you to the other. Go ahead not read it.

The guest read their tags rather unenthusiastically.

NICHOLAS

Oh come on. This is suppose to be fun.

The participants yell a little louder. The From’s and the To’s.

NICHOALS (cont’d)

That’s the spirit. Now who to begin with?

The participants look among themselves. Worrisome it won’t be them.

NICHOLAS

How about Michael? Who’s your gift from?

Both Mike and Michael answer.

MIKE MICHAEL

Susie Gene

Krampus sighs deeply over the confusion.

KRAMPUS

So embarrassing. Nicholas, did you not know there’s two Michael’s

Gathered with us tonight?

NICHOLAS

One goes my Mike, and the other by Michael.

I thought that was clear.

KRAMPUS

As mud, you idiot. Since Mike, has already spoken

His peace, let’s just go with Michael then. Your gift is from Gene, correct?

MICHAEL

That’s what it says.

KRAMPUS

Perfection. Gene and Michael let’s see what you have?

The other participants step away giving Michael and Gene the floor. They tentatively open their presents. Gene’s large gift is a cross bow. Michael has a bottle of acid. James is at his wits end by the unfairness of the selection.

JAMES

This is crazy! He’s can’t kill him with acid when

He has a cross bow!

KRAMPUS

Good insight my boy. Gene, you shall go up to the

Second story landing and take your aim from there.

One bolt is all you get. One shot. If not it’s a shot of

Acid for you served by Mike. Get it?

The others shriek in protest.

NICHOLAS

Silence! Such a noisy crowd. Now get out of the way

Unless you want to be struck down.

Ava, Linda, Mike, Susie and James all step away leaving Micheal standing alone in the middle of the lobby. At least they only have to watch. Krampus and Nicholas, stand just a few feet way. Gene takes up his position on the landing.

His hands tremble. His finger curling around the trigger. Susie rushes out into the open in front of Gene.

SUSIE

Stop! This makes no sense!

She’s easily pushed aside by Krampus.

KRAMPUS

One more delay and we won’t wait until the next hour.

Nicholas stomps his staff several times on the floor. Other than the crackling fire the room is deadly silent.

Gene takes his aim. Sweat pours down Michaels face. He close his eyes and drops his head. James bites down on his fist. He looks away. Gene pulls the trigger, THWONG! The bolt leaves the cross bow.

We see from Gene’s perch on the landing the bold sail through the air. It strikes NICHOLAS directly in the heart! Slowly he crumbles to the floor. His face frozen in disbelief. Linda screams. Michael opens his eyes. He checks himself – not hit. What?

Nicholas is splayed out at his feet. He looks to Gene, a hero or a fool? James pushes his way through the others. Confused to see Michael standing there – alive. He runs to him.

Krampus rages. His eyes and veins nearly popping out of his head.

KRAMPUS

You fool!

Gene is a fool.

GENE

I never shot one of these before.

I…I… didn’t mean it. I missed!

KRAMPUS

You missed? You missed?

Confusion rages through Krampus. Susie helps him out.

SUSIE

By the rules one of us is dead until the next stroke

Of the clock. Right? Am I right?

The others grasp at the notion. Quick to agree. The rule of the gift exchange has been met – albeit a technicality. Krampus huffs and puffs. He roars out in frustration.

Nicholas becomes disembodied. Portions of him begin to flow to the fireplace and up the flue. Piece by piece he is gone. Krampus begins to fold over. The rage and power from him appears to have left. He keels over unconscious.

Gene calls out from the landing above.

GENE

Is he dead? Is that it? It’s over?

The participants relax at the stroke of dumb luck. They look up to Gene. Across their faces we can read what they are thinking , was it a miss shot or a calculated risk taken?

[Edward Lusk]

Ed’s Creepy Moments.

What I learned from this assignment on how much a basic scene can be elevated using the creepy moments, Scares, Releases, Creepy Moments. I was able to take the setting and action and transform what was a simple identification of an escape tunnel scene into something really fun and scary to create.

INT. SKI LODGE – BASEMENT – NIGHT

It’s dark, lined with old stones. So cold, ice forms between foundation cracks above the old beams. The boiler breathes to life in unpredictable CLANKS. A leak spurts hissing steam into the passageway.

Across the room the mechanics for the ski lift. Large flywheel, toothy gears, stand still, ready to bit.

Ava, Susie, and Linda, come slowly down the stares, they CREEK under every step. Susie has an old kerosene lamp casting long shadows across the space. We see them from an unknown observer pass by a space between the pillars.

SUSIE

Who’s there?

LINDA

What?

SUSIE

I don’t think we’re alone down here.

LINDA

Let’s just keep moving.

They approach cautiously a small access tunnel covering the lift cables running out the to ski lift shed. It’s a dark narrow space. Susie lifts up the lamp for a better look. YOWL! A cat springs from the tunnel. It flies right at them sending the investigators nearly out of their shoes. Then scampers away knocking over a shovel cascading into empty paint cans.

They breath a sigh of relief.

LINDA

There’s your secret admirer.

AVA

So this it it?

SUSIE

Yes, you’ll have to crawl on your belly.

It’s about 30 yards to the lift shed.

AVA

No problem. Not much different than escaping

Out my bedroom window when I’m grounded.

LINDA

Now I find out.

Ava

What happens on the other side?

You’ll have to manually release the brake. It’s a long

Lever next to the lift cable wheel. Jump into the next

Lift chair. It’s all gravity after that.

Ava’s simple escape only draws attention to Susie’s and Linda’s ugly predicament. They avoid eye contact for a beat. The moment broken by an unworldly MOANING coming emanating from the utility tunnel. They step back.

AVA

No way I’m going in there.

The moaning shifts an octave. The lift cable vibrate and flutter.

SUSIE

It’s just the wind. Image a long pipe organ tube.

That’s all.

The winds blows agains, the noise sounds like AAAAVAAAA, AVAAAA. Like she’s being called inside.

AVA

That’s it, I’m not going.

Upstairs the lobby clock begins to strike ten bells. DONG, DONG…

LINDA

Now or never, sweetheart.

Ava and Linda hug. Susie gives Ava a bust up into the tunnel. She scampers forward into the darkness. The bottom of her boots disappearing as the wind calls her name.

[Edward Lusk]

Ed’s LEVEL 3 Horror Emotions Scene

What I learned doing this assignment. Because the way we already structured the acts and escalation of action. It felt natural to be able to build in the level 3 emotions as the story calls for a higher level of reaction given what the characters have already experienced. I’m learning a new vocabulary for describing grizzly acts. Cool!

EXT. SKI LODGE – LIFT SHED – NIGHT

The blizzard rages on. We can barely see Ava, scurrying about, flipping levers, releasing brakes. The lift jolts loose. The chair swings. She steps in right before it exits the shed. She’s on her way down.

INT. SKI LODGE – SECOND STORY LANDING – NIGHT

Krampus pushes open the double doors. Through the blizzard Ava is seen fussing about in the ski lift shed. Krampus waits for an open moment. He readies the cross bow.

INT. LOBBY – NIGHT

Down below, Linda, is held back by Michael, James, and and Susie.

LINDA

Let her go! She’s just a baby! Ava!

You Monster!

She struggles some more. Her passion overwhelming. She breaks free and takes the massive wrench out of Susie’s hand.

SUSIE

Don’t! He’ll kill you too!

LINDA

She’s my child !

Linda runs up the stairs. Michael starts to go after her.James stops him.

EXT. SKI LODGE – SECOND STORY LANDING – NIGHT

We see the chair lift clear the shed just twenty yards away. It’s an easy shot despite the snow. Krampus aims, his finger rests on the trigger…

EXT. SKI LIFT – NIGHT

Ava clears the lift shed. She looks over to the lodge. Krampus stands at the ready. The cross bow aimed right at her. She looks for an escape. Too high to jump. No cover in the lift chair. She’s locked in. Trapped.

She sees her mother through the lodge windows running for Krampus.

AVA

Momma! No!

INT. SKI LODGE – SECOND STORY LANDING – NIGHT

Just as Ava screams, Kramus pulls the trigger, simultaneously, Linda clocks Krampus over the head with the wrench. TWING the bolt, sails free of the cross bow.

EXT. SKI LIFT – NIGHT

Ava ducks. The bolt strikes the lift tower just ahead of her. It ricochets back at Ava, thwamp! It strikes her in the chest, but does not pierce. She exhales. Then…mother?

EXT. SKI LODGE – SECOND STORY LANDING – NIGHT

Krampus is enraged. Linda shrieks and cowers.

LINDA

Look away Ava! Look away!

James and Michael stop on the landing just behind Krampus . Krampus raises the wrench, ready to strike down Linda. James attacks but is quickly dismissed by Krampus, pushed to the floor.

EXT. SKI LIFT – NIGHT

Through the blowing snow, the glow of the lodge would be a post card setting , if it were not for Krampus, on the landing, now crushing Linda’s skull in with the wrench. Ava watches , struggles to get down, helplessly as her mother is bludgeoned to death right before her eyes. She screams, terror and sorrow, and shock.

INT. SKI LODGE – SECOND STORY LANDING – NIGHT

At the feet of Krampus, James screams, hysterical, for Krampus to stop. Fragments of Linda’s brain, blood, and skull rain down on him. He closes his eyes held tight. He covers his ears, protection from the blows cracks. His screaming filling the lobby.

In the background the faint screams from Ava, as she descends down the ski lift.

INT. LOBBY – NIGHT

Susie covers her ears, trying to drown out James screams. Michael holds her tight.

[Edward Lusk]

Ed’s Level 2 Horror Emotions.

What I learned doing this assignment is how to utilized sound and setting the help build the emotions, fear, suspense, dread. In this case the dong of the lobby clock and the off screen screams of character Susie. I learned to place my characters in horrible situation, therefore dreading their decision/actions. Fun!

INT. SKI LODGE – LOBBY – NIGHT

The grandfather clock begins the strike nine bells. The DONG lingers through the great hall. Krampus holds Susie tight by a clump of her long hair in his gloved hand. The fireplace flames lapping so close by.

KRAMPUS

Let’s see how many admirer’s you have. Shall we?

INT. JAMES and MICHAEL’S ROOM – NIGHT

The DONG, and its sinister implications, seeps in through the door. James and Michael face each other, not not knowing what to do next.

MICHAEL

We have to go down.

JAMES

I’m not killing anyone!

MICHAEL

You’ll die if you don’t.

JAMES

Haven’t you been paying attention? We’ll die either

Way. I’d rather die innocently than as a murderer.

There’s a scream. It’s Susie, screaming in agony. The clock’s DONG and her scream, goes on, and on. Neither James or Michael are willing to move.

MICHAEL

He’s killing Susie.

Another scream. Another DONG

JAMES

Better her than us.

MICHAEL

I hate this.

Their room door swings open on its own. Susie’s screams the clock’s chime no longer faint. Just below them the terror awaits. DONG, SCREAM, DONG…

MICHAEL

Now of never.

JAMES

Some choice.

Reverend Gene appears outside their door. A man looking like he’s facing a firing squad.

GENE

You boys coming?

JAMES

Doesn’t sound like your prayers have been answered.

GENE

We shall see. Faith is unpredictable.

The trio heads down the hall. The lobby, Krampus, and Susie , and the next gift exchange, await them

[Edward Lusk]

<div>Ed’s Level 1 Horror Emotions Scene.</div>

What I learned doing this assignment is when a scene’s purpose known prior to writing, the scene’s is more powerful and clearer. There’s an expectation to hit and knowing what emotions the characters are to exhibit makes the structure easier to achieve.

EXT. AIRPORT TARMAC – DAY

Before us is a twin prop commuter airline, the ones everyone fears will crash. Approaching are the RODAK FAMILY, AVA (14), Wife/Mother, LINDA 40’s, and Father, MIKE, 40’s. It’s snowing lightly.

LINDA

You’re sure this is safe?

MIKE

Just because it’s not a jet doesn’t mean it not safe.

This is real flying.

LINDA

Not all of us were in the air force. Where’s Ava?

The engines burst to life, Linda jumps. Smoke billows from the exhaust. Ava follows behind, sensory deprivation, headphones cover her ear, nose buried in the small screen of her phone, sun glasses even though it’s cloudy. She’s always pissed off.

MIKE

I wonder of she knows she’s getting on a plane?

INT. AIRPLANE – DAY

The space is cramped. Everyone has to crawl over something to someone to get settled. One side of the plane is single seat, the other is twin seats. Ava takes the single seat in a huff. Mike and Lina, opposite her.

CAPTAIN (O.S)

This is your captain. We expect a bumpy

Ride up to Vermont this afternoon.

The Nor-Easter is bearing down.

We’ll try to stay ahead of it, get you on the ground

Safely to start you holiday weekend.

Merry Christmas and flight crew prepare for

Departure.

Linda goes for her purse. She pops a Xanax from a prescription bottle.

LINDA

Real Flying.

Mike holds her hand. Ava rolls her eyes.

EXT. THE PLANE – DAY

The plane bobs and weaves through the sky. Snow flies. Wind howls.

INT. THE PLANE – DAY

The plane interior shimmies and jolts. It like the whole plane is going to shake apart. Ava, tries to apply make-up. The results – disastrous.

LINDA

Ava, honey – seriously? Put it away.

AVA

Why do we have to go on this stupid trip anyway?

All my friends are having fun, except me!

Sputter , sputter, the engine outside Ava’s window konks out.

AVA

Um, dad, the propeller thingy’s not moving.

Mike leans over to take a look. Sure enough the prop is lock up, dead.

LINDA

What is it?

MIKE

Nothing , I’m sure it’s just a glitch.

CAPTAIN (O.S.)

Ladies and gentleman, it appears we’ve lost

Power in our port engine.

Flight crew prepare for emergency procedures.

Some signal lights flash. A DING DING, repeats over the PA system. The plane starts to descend at a very steep angle.

AVA

Daddy? What’s happening?

LINDA

Oh, God, Oh, God, Oh God.

AVA

I knew it! I hate you both. I wish this Christmas never

Came! I hate Christmas! I wish I were back home in

My room!

Mike backhands Ava right across her smart mouth.

LINDA

Mike! He didn’t mean it sweatheart.

The plane dives, speed, angle increasing. The O2 masks fall from the ceiling. It looks bad. Everyone braces. Ava screams. Mike reaches for her hand, that she snaps away.

LINDA

Our father, who art in heaven….

It sounds like an explosion outside Ava’s window, there’s a burst of flame and smoke. The port engine back to life. The propeller whirls to life.

The plane pulls up, levels off. The DING DING stops. Passengers can breath again.

MIKE

Best to get the glitch over and done with

Before the holiday fun begins, huh?

Mike and Linda look at Ava, her make-up job smeared over her face, mixed with tears. Her mood sour. She looks evil.

[Edward Lusk]

Ed’s Readable Horror Outline Draft 1.

What I learned doing this assignment was I didn’t capture all the details that I’d should have. I fall into writing exposition, rather than capturing scene essence. Not a big problem, I will improve it, however, it would take less time, if done properly. The process is great to move those details in to the rough outline, takes practice, but good for workflow management.

ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR

INT. CHARLOTTE AIRPORT – DAY

Teen, AVA, her parents, MIKE and LINDA, race for the gate, Ava lags behind, too cool to run. Frustration boils over, Ava curses her parents for being so nerdy. This is the RODAK Family.

INT. AIR PLANE – DAY.

The scene from the airport has not subsided. Ava, declares she wished Christmas never came and this ski vacation is stupid. The plane takes a deep dive, air masks drop from the ceiling. It looks like the plane I going down. Ava yells , good I hope we all die. The plane comes under control just in time.

INT. SKI RESORT – LOBBY – NIGHT

Eccentric strangers arrive. A man, long hair, scraggy beard, all in black, long coat and top hat. He is KRAMPUS, in disguise. His evil partner, SAINT NICHOLAS, red fur coat, white fur collar, gold walking stick, alpine style hat.

The ski resort manager hassles them over no reservation. It’s Christmas weekend and they are booked. Krampus, removes his shades, his eyes glow yellow. A dagger springs from Nicholas’s walking stick. With a flick, Nicholas, stabs the manager through the heart. They reach behind the counter and take the room keys for the suite and strut away.

EXT. BURLINGTON AIRPORT – SHUTTLE BUS – DAY

A ski resort shuttle bus waits at the curb. The DRIVER chats with the GUIDE about a big store. Already on board gay couple, JAMES & MICHAEL argue. Then enters, REVEREND GENE, teacher/expert in pagans. The bus is just about to depart when, Ave, Linda, and Mike, pound on the door. They get on.

Before they pull away. A SHERIFF enters the van with a warning. A Nor Easter will shut down the ski lodge. There’s no way to leave for a few days. Other guests have cancelled. No one decides to get off of the bus.

EXT. ROAD – SHUTTLE BUS – DAY

All the riders, except Ava, engage in exciting chat about the weekend. The storms has started. Visibility getting bad. The guide leans out the bus door. Just off the road, deep ravines. A car from opposite direction, cuts them off. The bus swerves. The guide falls off the bus, over the ravine. Guests agree to go on. Vacation time and weather getting worse. The driver will take care of it on the way back. They all feel guilty, except Ava.

INT. SKI LODGE – NIGHT

The guest from the bus all pile in as paramedics wheel out the dead manager. Nicholas is behind the lobby counter. He hands out room keys and invitations addressed to guests.

INT. GUEST ROOM – JAMES & MICHAEL – NIGHT

Unpacking – read the invitation – to a, “To Die For” arrival party in the bar tonight. Odd Christmas message. But it is open bar.

INT. GUEST ROOM – RODAKS – NIGHT

More arguing, Ava’s not going to the party. Fine. Also there’s no cell service. At least there’s Netflix.

INT. GUEST ROOM – REVEREND GENE – NIGHT

Gene examines the invitation with great interest. Smells the paper. He compares the handwriting to some reference in a text. He looks concerned.

INT. SKI LODGE – BAR – NIGHT

The guest have assembled, Michael, James, Gene, Mike, Linda & TINA, the bar tender, complains to anyone who will listen on multiple topics . Krampus and Nicholas hold court. At this time they appear as eccentric, charming gentleman, serving as hosts.

Spending cocktail talk the with each guest, Krampus & Nicholas, mysteriously reveal they know a lot about the guests, for strangers. Michael flirts with Krampus, as that is his nature.

SUSIE the ski lodge pro, former olympian winner, put out, joins the party. She has an invitation too. She asks who is Ava, her ski pupil for tomorrow?

Krampus notes Ava, is missing. She needs to be present. Mike, protests, but something sinister in Krampus’s request says he better go get her. Meet them in the lobby.

INT. SKI LODGE – LOBBY – NIGHT

A big Christmas tree, under it gift wrapped presents, next to the huge stone fireplace. All the guests, plus, Susie & Tina, gather. Mike drags a sulking Ava to the party. She joins her mom.

Krampus calls for attention. Nicholas steps forward – He proclaims he is thee Saint Nicholas

There are presents under the tree with all their names. Krampus and Nicholas argue over the fact there is a Micheal and a Mike, here, however both presents are for “Mike” this is a comic moment before the scary truth.

Krampus sets forth the rules, each present contains an item – its purpose is to be used to kill another guest. Participation is mandatory. The guest laugh at the obvious joke, or is it?

Krampus removes his top hat revealing his horned head. He removes his shades revealing his yellow eyes. He smiles with pointed fangs. He is a monster. Reverend Gene makes the sign of the cross.

Nicholas reveals that he knows each of them holds a terrible secret. A secret that needs retribution for. James blurts out about the shuttle bus. Nicholas appreciates the confession but that’s not it.

Krampus assures them, they will shout out their secret to save their souls. It might work, it might not.

Tina says this is bullshit, she’s just a bar tender. She makes for the door. Nicholas walking stick, transforms into a bishops staff, with a hook on the end. It telescopes after Tina and rings her around her neck. It tightens, she turns blue as she dragged back into the room.

The Michael and Mike argue over who’s is there’s. Krampus and Nicholas argue about this name screw up. The participants exchange the presents -white elephant style. Now each has a present with another participant’s name on it.

Krampus calls out Micheal, who he points out, was nice enough to hit on him over drinks made by Tina. What name is on Michaels present? – It reads , Tina. What a coincidence, open it. Michael opens it revealing an electric hedge trimmer. Tina shall be killed by Michael using the hedge trimmer at the stroke of 8 Bells.

Tina shrieks, James, protests, the others watch in shock.

INT. GUEST ROOM – JAMES & MICHAEL – NIGHT

James is a wreck, Micheal is more curious than upset , what will it be like to kill another person? He’s intrigues as James is more frighted by this. Is this Michael’s secret?

INT. GUEST ROOM – THE RODAKS – NIGHT

Mike checks the windows. The blizzard ranges on. Linda believes reasoning with these strangers will get them out of this. Ava trying to convince them this some prank for social media. Just wait and see. It sounds reasonable, give the situation. But still, are they with psychopaths?

INT. GENE’S ROOM – NIGHT

Reverend Gene, anxious, is flipping through pages of his text books. Pictures of Krampus and Saint Nicholas escapades, flip over the pages.

INT. BAR – NIGHT

TIna drinks her troubles away. She reaches under the bar, finds a revolver and tucks it away. The lobby clock strikes 8 bells.

INT. LOBBY – NIGHT

The participants have assembled. Krampus and Nicholas sit by the fireplace, having a drink, comfortable as can be. Michael pulls the trigger on the trimmer, its blades zig zag, in sharp harmony.

They all turn to the bar where Tina, emerges, drunk. Looking defeated. Linda pleads for this to end now. Mike tries to intervene but with a swipe his hand, Krampus sends him sailing against the wall.

Tina pulls the gun, rather than pointing it at Michael she empties the gun, firing at Nicholas and Krampus. No effect. Laugh it off. Krampus call on Michael to deliver his “Gift” Tina stumbles, she falls. Tina cries out she’s been stealing from the bar for years. So what, she works for tips.

Michael cuts her throat with the hedge trimmer. Blood spatters him and the participants bringing home the reality. James shrieks is total disbelief his BF is a killer.

Mike runs for the front door. He opens it only to have a valance of snow come pouring in. There’s no leaving any time soon. Nicholas does his hook the neck thing, Mike’s tossed back into the lobby. The lights flicker and go off.

Reverend Gene and Michael carry Tina’s body off to the meat locker in the kitchen.

INT. MEAT LOCKER – NIGHT

Reverend Gene tells Michael there is a chance of defeating them but it’s risky. Michael recommends overpowering them. Gene dismissed that idea. They can’t be taken, at least not alive.

INT. LOBBY – NIGHT

Michael and Gene return. Krampus flings Gene at the fireplace. He’s held near the flame long enough to suffer for his betrayal.

Krampus announces we shall gift exchange again at 9 Bells.

The guest shun Michael – who protest their time will come soon enough. Don’t judge, that’s what Krampus wants us to do. Krampus , invites Michael to join him for a drink, since he killed the bar tender he’ll have to mix drinks.

INT. GUEST ROOM – THE RODAKS – NIGHT

Linda comforts Ava, reality sets in. There’s a knock, Reverend Gene at the door. Gene learns of the air plane incident. Ava freaks out that she is to blame for Krampus & Nicholas being here.

Gene discusses a plan with Mike for killing Saint Nicholas, he’s not as strong as Krampus, Nicholas is only the messenger essentially. Susie enters with a hunting cross bow – will this work?

Gene performs a weird blessing of the crow bow’s bolt. Cursing it. Mike volunteers to do the deed. Linda and Ava protest.

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN

INT. LOBBY – NIGHT

Susie sits nervously. She’s alone. Michael , Krampus, Nichols arrive. No one else is here. The clock strikes nine. It appress we have mutiny. Krampus tortures Susie, her screams bring down the others from their rooms, except Mike. He’s hiding out on the walkway above the lobby.

Krampus calls out for Mike to come out. He’s about to torture Ava. Mike appears with the cross bow – that’s not your gift Mike! NO – but it’s yours. Mike shoots the cross bow the bolt strikes Nicholas right in the heart. Krampus is enraged. Krampus stumbles as if some of his power just left his body.

Nicholas dismembers and is sucked up the fireplace in pieces. He vanishes from the premises in a huge burst of flame. The bloody bolt falls to the floor.

Krampus in a fit of anger flings Mike from the second story walkway through the air onto the antler chandelier. He’s empaled up there for everyone to see. Dead. Linda attacks Krampus, she shoved aside. No gift exchanged.

Susie always the competitor , asks if that counts as the 9 PM kill. Are they safe until 10?

Participates are safe, however, given the treachery. Each participate shall use their gift to kill the other participate of defend themselves. It’s all out combat at 10 Bells. Prepare!

The participants scatter off to find handing places or allies or surprise attack locations.

INT. SKI PRO OFFICE – NIGHT

Ava, Linda and Susie are in the office. Susie reveals there’s a way to get to the ski lift shed and down the mountain – but the person has to be small – like Ava. She protests but Linda convinces Ava she must risk it.

INT. BASEMENT – UTILITY ROOM – NIGHT

Ava, Susie and Linda are next to a small tunnel. The ski lift cables run into it from a large fly wheel device. Ava can climb through the access tunnel to the lift. From there she can release the cars. She have to jump at the end. Once the 10 PM exchange run to here and escape.

INT. JAMES & MICHEAL’S ROOM – NIGHT

Gene, Michael and James, sit awkwardly silent. James – I bet you like to kill on of us. Gene my interest is pagans. Michael – ever been to a rave? There’s a way. The bolt that killed Nicholas is in the lobby. It has his blood on it. If Krampus can be stabbed with it, it can kill him. Blood of the blood curse. Michael and James won’t do it so Reverend Gene has to, assuming his not dead yet. Then someone else can try.

INT. LOBBY – NIGHT

The clock loudly strikes 10 PM, not one is around except Krampus and Reverend Gene. Gene not good and hiding his plan glancing at the cross bolt bolt on the floor.

Krampus sits by the fire. He appears to me meditating. Tongues of fire from the fire place snake around the complex seeking those hiding.

INT. BAR STORAGE ROOM – NIGHT

Michael and James are cashed out by the fire.

INT. RODAKS GUEST ROOM – NIGHT

Ava and Linda are chased out by the flames.

INT. SKI LODGE – UTILTY ROOM – NIGHT

Susie is chased out from her hiding location.

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR

INT. LOBBY – NIGHT

Before long they are all back in the lobby. The tension is high. Krampus invites them to open their presents. Linda pleads this cruel exchange end immediately. Ava wants him to just go away. Reverend Gene warns Kramus he’ll not get away with this. James is in the verge of hysteria.

James has Ava as a gift exchange partner. They will go first. Ava gift contains a fancy silk scarf, not much for protection but can be used for strangulation. James gift contains a hand bag. Krampus laughs hard to the point of running out of air. The clue the bag can be used for suffocation.

James screams and attacks Ave. Linda steps in stopping him. Ava and Susie take off for the basement utility room. Krampus sees somethings up. Yells for James to go after them.

INT. BASEMENT UTLITY ROOM – NIGHT

Ava and Susie storm down the stairs. Susie flips open the door. Ava climbs in. James screams for her to stop. Krampus will kill him if you don’t. He has a hold of her angle, she kicks free and climbs onward. Susie clocks James across the back with a large wrench. Ava disappears into the dark shaft.

INT. SKI LODGE – LOBBY – NIGHT

Reverend Gene watches as Krampus retrieves the cross bow Mike used. Obviously he’ll go for the bolt next. Gene times his move. He lunges for the bolt, just as Krampus goes for it. Krampus stops his foot down on Genes’s hand, smashing it. Krampus stabbed Gene in the eye with the bolt – noting Nicholas blood is now tainted.

Krampus goes to the second story landing that over looks the ski shed.

INT. SKI LODGE – SECOND STORY LANDING – NIGHT

Krampus pushes open the double doors. Through the blizzard Ava is seen fussing about in the ski lift shed. Krampus waits for an open moment.

EXT. SKI LIFT SHED – NIGHT

Ava throws some levers releasing the brakes on the lift. The chairs start to move down the mountain. She hops into one. She clears the shed , out into the open.

INT. SKI LODGE – SECOND STORY LANDING – NIGHT

Krampus steadies the cross bow. Ava in his sights just twenty yards away. His about to pull the trigger when CRACK – Linda slugs him over the head with the wrench from the utility room. Ava watches in horror from the ski lift. She screams as Krampus snatches the wrench out of Linda’s hands and proceeds to beat her to death on the landing.

Ava may have got away but she’ll never get that image out of her head.

INT. SKI LODGE LOBBY – NIGHT

Krampus returns to the lobby, bloodied. He seethes at Susie, she jabs at him with a ski pole. Krampus forces her down the stairs to the utility room.

INT. SKI LODGE – BASEMENT – UTILITY ROOM – NIGHT

The giant fly wheel controlling the ski lift turns slowly. The cables snap tight. Krampus pushes Susie down the stairs. Michael and James follow. She lays stunned next to the spinning wheel. Kramnpus asks which one of you wants to do it? Krampus declares He who does its get the next kill!

Together Micheal and James lift Susie up by legs and arms . Krampus curses the loop hole he created. They toss her into the wheel. The force of the steel and tension break Susie’s body in two. The wheel grinds to a stop.

EXT. SKI LIFT – NIGHT

Ava rides the ski lift down mid-mountain. Then it jerks to a stop leaving her thirty feet in the air.

INT. UTILITY ROOM – NIGHT

Krampus points out, James and Michael are the last two. One must kill the other for the game to end. Krampus doesn’t have a preference. They refuse. James, historical runs outside, up to his waste in snow. The blizzard rages on. Michael calls after him. Krampus – He won’t get far.

INT/EXT. SKI LODGE GARAGE – NIGHT

The door raises and the snow groomer machine plows out into the snow. Michaels driving it.

EXT. SKI SLOPE – NIGHT

James barely makes it down the slope. He’s screaming for Ava. He can’t see through the storm. Up the slope the glaring lights of the snow groomer marks it approach.

INT. SNOW GROOMER – NIGHT

Krampus spots James ahead- he points the direction out for Michael.

EXT. SKI LIFT – NIGHT

Ava hears her name being yelled but from where? She can’t see anyone. She screams out – JAMES? She takes out her phone and turns on the flash light.

EXT. SKI SLOPE – NIGHT

James sees Ava’s light. He tries to make his ways to that direction.

EXT. SKI LIFT – NIGHT

James yells at Ava they are coming for her. She needs to get down and run. She’s afraid too high. James climbs up reaches for Ava and helps her over the the lift tower. They climb down together.

James says he’ll hold them off. Ave need to run for the road for safety. She proclaim he’s the bravest man she knows. With that Ava is off.

INT. SNOW GROOMER – NIGHT

James appears in the groomer’s wash of lights. He starts running as best he can down the slope. The groomer is gaining fast. We see stays inline with the lift towers. Krampus tells Michael to run him over.

Michael guns the groomer. It speeds up. The distance to James getting closer and closer. Michael wipes away a tear. Krampus smiles. He loves it.

EXT. SKI SLOPE – NIGHT

James is exhausted. He can barely move in the heavy snow. The groomer is nearly upon him. He makes a last dash for the next ski lift tower. Before he reaches it the groomer runs him over. The snow turns red.

INT. SNOW GROOMER – NIGHT

Distraught – Michael loses track of where the groomer is. It smashes into the ski lift tower. The occupants rocked against the windshield and dash. Nothing but the sound of the blizzard raging outside.

INT. PARIS – HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT

A fancy hotel suite, Krampus stands by the window, admiring the view of the Eiffel Tower. Michael emerges from the bathroom wearing a towel. His hair wet. Krampus says he has something from Micahael, who seems unsure of the implication.

Michael opens the gift. It’s a miniature version of a guillotine. Big enough to take off a thumb, or worse. Krampus tugs at Micahael’s towel. It falls off.

EXT. PARIS HOTEL – NIGHT

From inside Krampus’s room we hear Michael scream out in agony. The scream goes on and on as we pull away from the building across the Paris sky.

[Edward Lusk]

Ed’s Character Profiles & Journey Track

What I learned doing this assignment, the more diverse the characters, the more options there are for action, drama , horror, and relationships between them and what they can show us (learn) about the monster.

Sooo, these were organized in tables, however, the tables don’t copy and paste in the original format. Character names are at the top. The profiles/journerys down the left. the Text for each are listed left to write.

CHARACTER PROFILES:

NAMES: TINA GENE SUSIE JAMES MICHAEL AVA MIKE LINDA

ROLE The Complainer Moral One The rescuer The couple The couple The carrier The Leader The Innocent

TRAITS Annoying, defensive Spiritual/ authoritative Competitive, meticulous Emotional & Insecure Sedeuctive, Charismatic Rebellious/overly stimulated Dependable, confident Protective/trusting

FEARS Being alone Evil Losing Rejection aging Unpopularity Powerlessness Betrayal

WANTS/NEEDS Better life/ a man. Believers/Followers Second chance/financial security Attention/confidence Sex/intimacy Friends / understanding Respect/Honesty A baby/being needed

LIKEABILTY/ROOTING Bar tender with sob stories – ironic Charismatic , big personality She’s a winner, gold metalist He’s Like a lost puppy, A true charmer Youthful exuberance with angyst, we’ve all been there What a great guy. Everyone’s mom. She so endearing

STRESS REACTION? World’s falling apart Believer in faith Cool head, focused Emotional Over reaction Keeping cool What’s stress? Let’s figure this this out and move on Reassuring everything will be alright

RELATIONSHIPS W/C Seeks protection The savior, stay behind me. Encourages to fight, be strong We’re all going to die Does this make you horny? You’re all so lame Listen to me. I have an answer I’ll take care of you.

DEATH ORDER 1 4 3 6 7 Survives 2 5

CHARACTER JOURNEYS:

NAMES: TINA GENE SUSIE JAMES MICHAEL AVA MIKE LINDA

INTRO Drunk people are fun people Faith is strength I’m the best, see my gold medal? Please like me. Who’s going to hit on me first? This is so boring. No cell service? I’ve accomplished a lot Is everyone warm enough?

DENIAL My life is shit Not surprised one bit Can’t beat me SOB Get me out of here It’s irrational but I like it What a prank Let’s not panic If were nice it will be okay

FIRST HORROR Why does this happen to me? I knew I was right I can beat this. Feeling expressing Helplessness Oddly sexy Feigned Ambivalence Take Charge Protects

GROUP Relation They find her annoying, Inspiration to some, annoying to others Strong, but a threat.She’ll survive at others expense He’s a sweetheart but he’s got to get a grip. Envied for his looks but over come by charm Overlooked, just another teen worried about her friends Look to for leadership and a solution Beloved for her carrying. Requires protection

Fight Back No fight I’ve lost anyway Defiance, reference ancient text on pagans Ski poles and determination Screams for mercy Make a deal. Escapes to ski lift shed Organize an attack. Kindness and protect others

END Point Throat cut by hedge trimmer Induces Acid Legs are broken, then arms Run over by snow groomer machine Poisoned by spiked champagne Escapes Shotgun blast to chest Suffocated by hand bag

Learning Life is expendable quickly ended Monster has weakness. Need to buy time Monster cruel streak. Killing gets personal Monster has mixed emotions about victims Can negotiate with monster but trusted? Monster rather continue killing than waste time on one getaway Work together does have results. No soft spot for double crossers.

[Edward Lusk]

Ed’s Monter Track Revealed.

What I learned doing this assignment is some of the monitor revealing I already wrote in to the plot outline. By writing the Monster Track helps identifying those scenes and why the scenes (demand) are needed or elevated. Not all the Monster reveals line up with the plot, they’re still some adjustments and that’s fine at this stage. I’ve learned how to better align the importance of monster revealing is to the over all story and how best to isolate and magnify those relationships.

(WITH MONSTER REVEALS INCLUDED)

ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR

Monster Reveal: Young Ava curses the holiday, inadvertently summing the pair of monsters. Demand – Conflict , teenager and parents.

1- Atmosphere of Evil established – Krampus and Saint Nicholas try to check into the ski lodge without a reservation. The manger hassles them. He’s killed for his lack of customer service.

Monster Reveal: Krampus and Nicholas arrive ski lodge appearing as disarming eccentric gay couple on holiday. Demand – Curiosity, who are these guys?

Horror Situation – Menacing Stranger at the front desk. Not a normal guest for a ski lodge.

Reaction – Try to Solve It. Manager does his best to placate Krampus & Nicholas. They’re not there to be dismissed.

Monster Reveal: Ski Lodge manager’s indiscretion triggers Kampus and Nicholas evilness, is killed , body stuffed in freezer. Demand – Terror first insight into capabilities.

Horror Situation – Nicholas’s staff is also a deadly spear. Manager is shish kebab killed by it.

2- Connect with the characters – The ski resort guest, invited by anonymous invitation, meet up on the shuttle bus from the airport to the lodge. The characters are warned not to go. The sheriff warns the lodge staff and guest if they don’t leave now the Northeaster Blizzard will cut them off , snowed in for days.

Monster Reveal: Other guests meet up in shuttle bus. Bonding on ride up. Demand – Discovering who other guests are. Demand – Curiosity – why they were all invited by mysterious stranger.

Horror Situation – Environment Changing Around You -the blizzard is starting. The ride to the lodge is blinding the old driver, bus so close to the edge of the road. Steep cliffs inches away.

Horror Reaction – Denial, it’s vacation time, nothing bad going to happen. Drink and be merry, great weather for skiing.

Horror Situation – The tour guide falls out of the bus into a chasm – gone & probably dead!

3- Denial of Horror – Krampus and Saint Nicholas show up announcing the deadly white elephant gift exchange. It’s thought to be a cruel joke. Until…

Monster Reveal: Guest arrive, Krampus and Nicholas are charming life of the party. Demand – Curiosity, looks to be a fun weekend.

Monster Reveal: Guest express some doubt about the pair, something is off about them. Demand – Putting the pieces together. Somethings off.

Horror Situation – Lured into Horror. The gift exchange sounds fun until the deadly purpose of the gifts are revealed.

Monster Reveal: Krampus and Nicholas announce the gift exchange – curiosity and excitement builds. – Demand – discovery why they are there.

Monster Reveal: Exchange gifts time. Demand – curiosity – what’s in the gift and for what purpose.

Horror Reaction – Tricked. This is not how normal gift exchanges work. What’s the catch and why is this happening to them?

Horror Situation – Krampus reveals none of them are innocent and their terrible secrets shall be revealed before they die.

Monster Reveal: Krampus reveals a guest’s deep secret. Guest disavows it. Demand – Terror – knowledge of secrets – who else is worried?

4- Safety taken away – A guest – Mike – tries to leave the lodge to get help, opens the front door and tons drifted snow pours in. Saint Nicholas’s staff elongates yanking the Mike around the neck and back inside. The lights flicker and power goes off. The ski lift down the mountain is dead.

Monster Reveal: Guest tries to escape, stoped my Nicholas’s creative use of his staff hook. Strangled into compliance. Demand – discovery – Nicholas just as evil and Krampus.

Horror Situation – No escape / cut off – The guest, staff and Krampus are trapped inside the ski lodge until the blizzard clears.

Horror Reaction – Fight! The monster outnumbered, of course the other guest can over take them.

Horror Situation – Krampus demonstrates his no normal guest easily flinging a guest into the huge fireplace, setting them a-flame.

Monster Reveal: Reverend Gene declares he knows who these two are and what their history is.Demand – Figure out the mystery.

5- Monster: The nature of the beast. – The gift exchange begins. The first guest opens their gift revealing the weapon of choice to be used on another guest of their choosing. Refusing will only mean self-imposed death.

Monster Reveal: First guest opens gift. True intention of its use announced. Guests reject the idea of killing another guest. Demand – Terror-this can’t be happening.

Monster Reveal: Guest kills the other guest in front of the others – the true intentions of how they day will proceed revealed. Demand – putting the pieces together – this is how it’s going to be.

Horror Situation – Character refused to take action. No way the guest will use this instrument of death on another person.

Horror Reaction – Denial. This can’t be the purpose of a gift exchange. Too twisted.

Horror Situation – Krampus forces the person to use the instrument of death on themselves. Showing the others the gruesome consequences of non-conformity.

Monster Reveal: Guest reveals their secret – thinking this confession saves them – it does not. Demand – conflict – reveal terrible secret might save them?

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN

6- Isolated / Trapped / Abducted – Guest & staff try various places to hide & escape avoiding participating in the gift exchange. Krampus abducts guest – Ava – using torture blackmail to force the other guests to give up and come out of hiding – except Tina, she’s missing.

Monster Reveal: Next gift exchange , another killing fun for Krampus & Nicholas. Demand – terror, escalating. Foreshadows doom.

Horror Situation – Attacked or chased. Guest try to hide from the gift holder and their evil intentions.

Horror Reaction – Hide! Anywhere in the ski lodge is good place to get away. It’s part of the rules anyway, but eventually guest will be caught.

Horror Situation – Guest is caught and must return to the lobby and face their horrible death.

7- One of us killed – The gift exchange shifts from terror and torture to guest killing. Michael kills Tina – because she did not come out of hiding.

Horror Situation – See another killed. Fun and games are over and the first guest is killed by the first gift giver in the exchange.

Horror Reaction – Try to solve it. Another guest plead for mercy, plead for rationale. This is too terrible to be real.

Horror Situation – The guest is killed by another in front of the others, demonstrating what is in store for them. It’s not pretty.

8 – MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought! – Krampus announces from this point out the gift exchange must result in death of the receiver. Then proceed to next round. No exceptions. Other guest can not interfere in the proceedings or be killed.

Monster Reveal: Reverened Gene, authority on Pegans and their weaknesses hatches plot to stop them. Demand – characters trying to figure it out.

Horror Situation – Working with someone, then become the evil one. Gifts are exchanged, you may trade with another, but you still got to kill someone with whatever gift a guest ends up with.

Horror Reaction – Fight! The monster is now use, and guest shall fight them as Krampus has designed to game to be played out.

Horror Situation – Two guest battle to the death using whatever gift it was they exchanged for.

9- Full pursuit by the killer – Guest connive on ways to kill Krampus based on Reverend Gene’s knowledge of Pagans. The problem, Saint Nicholas has to go first. Nicholas is killed enraging Krampus.

Monster Reveal: Nicholas is killed, wounding/weakening Krampus, also enraging him. Demand – putting pieces together – there might be a way to stop him.hope.

Horror Situation – Internal conflict with the group. Reverend Gene convinced he can defeat Krampus, worrying the others it will only make things worse.

Horror Reaction – Try to solve it. Perhaps if the gift giver 0 Nicholas is killed the exchange will end with his death.

Horror Situation – Nicholas is killed. That really get’s Krampus enraged.

10- Terrorized – Krampus proclaims no one shall survive now because of their act of treachery.

Horror Situation – Impending Doom. There was a chance for survival, now that is gone.

Horror Reaction – Escape. Blizzard or not there must be a way out of the ski lodge. One of the staff has an idea , but will need help.

Horror Situation – Everyone pick their gift and no more exchanges. It will be all out carnage.

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR

11- Fight to the death – Guest are pared up for the next gift exchange round. Everyone got a gift now they can use on the other guest or staff. Keep going until one is left.

Monster Reveal: Krampus distracted trying to stop guest from escaping, without a gift and participate she get’s free – weakness. Demand – discovery – there’s a way out.

Horror Situation – Dilemma – emotional attached characters now face horrible decisions for survival. Kill or be killed. Great for Krampus bad for the guests.

Horror Reaction – Fight. Got to fight to stay alive.

Horror Situation – Other guests are killed in horrible ways by the gifts selected. This narrows down the survivor combinations and raising the stakes not to mention the dilemmas faced.

12- Hysteria – Staff and Guest are all over the lodge trying to kill or not be killed by others guest or staff. Survivors are whittled down in grizzly and terrifying ways as each gift specifies.

Horror Situation – Another character loses it. Ava – to be specific.

Horror Reaction – Try to Solve it – Ave knows a way out because Susie, the ski instructor told her how to before she died.

Horror Situation – Ava father is killed calling her into action. Her mom, will hold off the threat for as long as she can.

13- The thrilling escape from death – Ava escapes Saint Nicholas to roof top escape to the Ski Lift Shed. Finds a snow board and skies down the risky back country to safety.

Monster Reveal: Guest tells another guest how to escape – Krampus selects that guest for trying to ruin the gift exchange. Demand – discovery – if not an exchange there is hope of delay/surviving.

Horror Situation – Helping a good person and being attacked. Ava’s mom, helps Ava escape, paying a high price.

Horror Reaction – Escape – Ava escapes to the ski lift shed

Horror Situation – Krampus sends another after her. Guest refuses to go. Setting up a deadly stand off.

Monster Reveal: Krampus attacked by guest, at his moment if weakness. Not killed but vulnerable. Demand – putting together the pieces.

14- Death returns to take one or more. – James and Michael are left arrived. Krampus kills James running him over with the snow groomer because Michael kill him with his gift.

Horror Situation – No escape or Escape has been cut off. Snow groomer taken over by guest Michael running over James with it.

Horror Reaction – Denial – James can’t believe Michael will go though with it.

Monster Reveal: Krampus – torn between which guest killed next. He selects a gift to decide, break the rules and ends the exchange. Demand – conflict, attraction to both guest but one must die.

Horror Situation – The snow groomer, driven my Michael runs over James tearing him to pieces. Snow turns to blood. Eeew.

Monster Reveal: Krampus uses the snow groomer (not a gift) to kill last guest. Demand – Discovery- gifts are not source of evil.

15- Resolution Christmas Day – Krampus leaves with Michael riding away on the snow groomer.

Horror Situation – Walking into a trap. Michael leaves with Krampus thinking he is safe.

Horror Reaction – Escape – leaving Krampus is better option than staying behind.

Monster Reveal: Krampus seduces guest by joining him his offer of power and evilness. Demand – Conflict – Is it worth it?

Horror Situation – Back at Krampus castle, Michael is given a gift, the implications for its use are not good.

Monster Reveal: Krampus has gift for tag along guest signaling he’s still as evil as ever.

[Edward Lusk]

Ed’s Character Death Track.

What I learned doing this assignment is the entertainment value in killing off characters by supplying reasonable and motivational reasons and ways for doing so.

Character Death # 1 Bartender – Tina

WHY: She’s too bubbly/talkative for Krampus. Thinks she’s safe.

HOW: Hedge Trimmer across the neck.

Character Death # 2, Linda’s Husband – Mike

WHY: He’s the rescuer, – and his name is, Mike, confusing and annoying for Krampus and because we have a Michael, too. Killed for comedic effect and eliminate a threat.

HOW: Double Barrel Shot Gun blast to the chest.

Character Death #3, Ski Instructor Susie

WHY: She knows a way out and told Ava the secret

HOW: Broken Bones, she’ll never ski again.

Character Death #4, Reverend Gene

WHY: His knowledge of Pagans, he kills Nicholas, hits close to home, a threat & revenge.

HOW: Ingest acid

Character Death #5 Mike’s Wife – Linda

WHY: She protected & helped Ava escape

HOW: Suffocation by luxury hand bag

Character Death # 6 – Michaels, BF – James

WHY: He won’t kill Michael and he’s not as cute.

HOW: Run over by snow groomer machine

Survivor – Ava – escaped, thanks to Susie and Linda.

Doubtful Survivor – Michael – he leaves with Krampus – there’s an implied gift at the end that may signal his unseen death.

[Edward Lusk]

What I learned doing this assignment is all the options and ways a scene can play out, elevating the horror, or adding intrigue, adding character conflicts. So many ways to approach the story. The skill be be designing the best one. Great assignment, fun!

ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR

1- Atmosphere of Evil established – Krampus and Saint Nicholas try to check into the ski lodge without a reservation. The manger hassles them. He’s killed for his lack of customer service.

Horror Situation – Menacing Stranger at the front desk. Not a normal guest for a ski lodge.

Reaction – Try to Solve It. Manager does his best to placate Krampus & Nicholas. They’re not there to be dismissed.

Horror Situation – Nicholas’s staff is also a deadly spear. Manager is shish kebab killed by it.

2- Connect with the characters – The ski resort guest meet up on the shuttle bus from the airport to the lodge. The characters are warned not to do it. The sheriff warns the lodge staff and guest if they don’t leave now the Northeaster Blizzard will cut them off , snowed in for days.

Horror Situation – Environment Changing Around You -the blizzard is starting. The ride to the lodge is blinding the old driver, bus so close to the edge of the road. Steep cliffs inches away.

Horror Reaction – Denial, it’s vacation time, nothing bad going to happen. Drink and be merry, great weather for skiing.

Horror Situation – The tour guide falls out of the bus into a chasm – gone & probably dead!

3- Denial of Horror – Krampus and Saint Nicholas show up announcing the deadly white elephant gift exchange. It’s thought to be a cruel joke. Until…

Horror Situation – Lured into Horror. The gift exchange sounds fun until the deadly purpose of the gifts are revealed.

Horror Reaction – Tricked. This is not how normal gift exchanges work. What’s the catch and why is this happening to them?

Horror Situation – Krampus reveals none of them are innocent and their terrible secrets shall be revealed before they die.

4- Safety taken away – A guest – Mike – tries to leave the lodge to get help, opens the front door and tons drifted snow pours in. Saint Nicholas’s staff elongates across the room yanking the Mike around the neck and back inside. The lights flicker and power goes off. The ski lift down the mountain is dead.

Horror Situation – No escape / cut off – The guest, staff and Krampus are trapped inside the ski lodge until the blizzard clears.

Horror Reaction – Fight! The monster outnumbered, of course the other guest can over take them.

Horror Situation – Krampus demonstrates his no normal guest easily flinging a guest into the huge fireplace, setting them a-flame.

5- Monster: The nature of the beast. – The gift exchange begins. The first guest opens their gift revealing the weapon of choice to be used on another guest of their choosing. Refusing will only mean self-imposed death.

Horror Situation – Character refused to take action. No way the guest will use this instrument of death on another person.

Horror Reaction – Denial. This can’t be the purpose of a gift exchange. Too twisted.

Horror Situation – Krampus forces the person to use the instrument of death on themselves. Showing the others the gruesome consequences of non-conformity.

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN

6- Isolated / Trapped / Abducted – Guest & staff try various places to hide & escape avoiding participating in the gift exchange. Krampus abducts guest – Ava – using torture blackmail to force the other guests to give up and come out of hiding – except Tina, she’s missing.

Horror Situation – Attacked or chased. Guest try to hide from the gift holder and their evil intentions.

Horror Reaction – Hide! Anywhere in the ski lodge is good place to get away. It’s part of the rules anyway, but eventually guest will be caught.

Horror Situation – Guest is caught and must return to the lobby and face their horrible death.

7- One of us killed – The gift exchange shifts from terror and torture to guest killing. Michael kills Tina – because she did not come out of hiding.

Horror Situation – See another killed. Fun and games are over and the first guest is killed by the first gift giver in the exchange.

Horror Reaction – Try to solve it. Another guest plead for mercy, plead for rationale. This is too terrible to be real.

Horror Situation – The guest is killed by another in front of the others, demonstrating what is in store for them. It’s not pretty.

8 – MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought! – Krampus announces from this point out the gift exchange must result in death of the receiver. Then proceed to next round. No exceptions. Other guest can not interfere in the proceedings or be killed.

Horror Situation – Working with someone, then become the evil one. Gifts are exchanged, you may trade with another, but you still got to kill someone with whatever gift a guest ends up with.

Horror Reaction – Fight! The monster is now use, and guest shall fight them as Krampus has designed to game to be played out.

Horror Situation – Two guest battle to the death using whatever gift it was they exchanged for.

9- Full pursuit by the killer – Guest connive on ways to kill Krampus based on Reverend Gene’s knowledge of Pagans. The problem, Saint Nicholas has to go first. Nicholas is killed enraging Krampus.

Horror Situation – Internal conflict with the group. Reverend Gene convinced he can defeat Krampus, worrying the others it will only make things worse.

Horror Reaction – Try to solve it. Perhaps if the gift giver 0 Nicholas is killed the exchange will end with his death.

Horror Situation – Nicholas is killed. That really get’s Krampus enraged.

10- Terrorized – Krampus proclaims no one shall survive now because of their act of treachery.

Horror Situation – Impending Doom. There was a chance for survival, now that is gone.

Horror Reaction – Escape. Blizzard or not there must be a way out of the ski lodge. One of the staff has an idea , but will need help.

Horror Situation – Everyone pick their gift and no more exchanges. It will be all out carnage.

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR

11- Fight to the death – Guest are pared up for the next gift exchange round. Everyone got a gift now they can use on the other guest or staff. Keep going until one is left.

Horror Situation – Dilemma – emotional attached characters now face horrible decisions for survival. Kill or be killed. Great for Krampus bad for the guests.

Horror Reaction – Fight. Got to fight to stay alive.

Horror Situation – Other guests are killed in horrible ways by the gifts selected. This narrows down the survivor combinations and raising the stakes not to mention the dilemmas faced.

12- Hysteria – Staff and Guest are all over the lodge trying to kill or not be killed by others guest or staff. Survivors are whittled down in grizzly and terrifying ways as each gift specifies.

Horror Situation – Another character loses it. Ava – to be specific.

Horror Reaction – Try to Solve it – Ave knows a way out because Susie, the ski instructor told her how to before she died.

Horror Situation – Ava father is killed calling her into action. Her mom, will hold off the threat for as long as she can.

13- The thrilling escape from death – Ava escapes Saint Nicholas to roof top escape to the Ski Lift Shed. Finds a snow board and skies down the risky back country to safety.

Horror Situation – Helping a good person and being attacked. Ava’s mom, helps Ava escape, paying a high price.

Horror Reaction – Escape – Ava escapes to the ski lift shed

Horror Situation – Krampus sends another after her. Guest refuses to go. Setting up a deadly stand off.

14- Death returns to take one or more. – James and Michael are left arrived. Krampus kills James running him over with the snow groomer because Michael kill him with his gift.

Horror Situation – No escape or Escape has been cut off. Snow groomer taken over by guest Michael running over James with it.

Horror Reaction – Denial – James can’t believe Michael will go though with it.

Horror Situation – The snow groomer, driven my Michael runs over James tearing him to pieces. Snow turns to blood. Eeew.

15- Resolution Christmas Day – Krampus leaves with Michael riding away on the snow groomer.

Horror Situation – Walking into a trap. Michael leaves with Krampus thinking he is safe.

Horror Reaction – Escape – leaving Krampus is better option than staying behind.

Horror Situation – Back at Krampus castle, Michael is given a gift, the implications for its use are not good.

[Edward Lusk]

What I learned doing this assignment is a quick way to establish a basic plot that can be elevated and changed later on as the story is fleshed out more. As noted, this format is easier to change outline points than go over 100 pages of script later on and try to make changes.

ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR

Atmosphere of Evil established – Christmas Eve – Krampus and Saint Nicholas try to check into the ski lodge without a reservation. The manger hassles them. He’s killed for his lack of customer service.

Connect with the characters – The ski resort guest meet up on the shuttle bus from the airport to the lodge.

The characters are warned not to do it. The sheriff warns the lodge staff and guest if they don’t leave now the Northeaster Blizzard will cut them off , snowed in for days.

Denial of Horror – Krampus and Saint Nicholas show up announcing the deadly white elephant gift exchange. It’s thought to be a cruel joke. Until…

Safety taken away – A guest – Mike – tries to leave the lodge to get help, opens the front door and tons drifted snow pours in. Saint Nicholas’s staff elongates across the room yanking the Mike around the neck and back inside. The lights flicker and power goes off. The ski lift down the mountain is dead.

Monster: The nature of the beast. – The gift exchange begins. The first guest opens their gift revealing the weapon of choice to be used on another guest of their choosing. Refusing will only mean self-imposed death.

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN

Isolated / Trapped / Abducted – Guest & staff try various places to hide & escape avoiding participating in the gift exchange. Krampus abducts guest – Ava – using torture blackmail to force the other guests to give up and come out of hiding – except Tina, she’s missing.

One of us killed – The gift exchange shifts from terror and torture to guest killing. Michael kills Tina – because she did not come out of hiding.

MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought! – Krampus announces from this point out the gift exchange must result in death of the receiver. Then proceed to next round. No exceptions. Other guest can not interfere in the proceedings or be killed.

Full pursuit by the killer – Guest connive on ways to kill Krampus based on Reverend Gene’s knowledge of Pagans. The problem, Saint Nicholas has to go first. Nicholas is killed enraging Krampus.

Terrorized – Krampus proclaims no one shall survive now because of their act of treachery.

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR

Fight to the death – Guest are pared up for the next gift exchange round. Everyone got a gift now they can use on the other guest or staff. Keep going until one is left.

Hysteria – Staff and Guest are all over the lodge trying to kill or not be killed by others guest or staff. Survivors are whittled down in grizzly and terrifying ways as each gift specifies.

The thrilling escape from death – Ava escapes Saint Nicholas to roof top escape to the Ski Lift Shed. Finds a snow board and skies down the risky back country to safety.

Death returns to take one or more. – James and Michael are left arrived. Krampus kills James running him over with the snow groomer because Michael kill him with his gift.

Resolution Christmas Day – Krampus leaves with Michael riding away on the snow groomer.

[Edward Lusk]

What I learned doing this assignment is the beginnings of thinking about weaving in the characters exits into the “Dying Pattern.” I see lessons to come with assist with those steps. This early story foundation makes it easier to switch out characters and their identities to better fit the story as it develops. Quite fun!

Tell us your Concept and the Group you have chosen.

A group of ski resort guests must partake in a deadly white elephant gift exchange after receiving a visit from a malicious Krampus and his heartless, partner, St. Nicholas.

2. Tell us the Dying Pattern of this movie:

All but two guests will die. One will stay behind the other leaves with with Krampus, which may or may not be a good thing.

3. Give us an Identity and a sentence for each character that makes up your group.

Characters:

The complainer, Tina – Bar Tender, survived Covid shutdown and now this. Her constant complaining makes her an easy target.

Moral One – Reverend Gene – expert on Pagans and their weaknesses. Engages in apostolic debates only aggravating Krampus’s evilness. Gene may be the key to survival if he’d stop arguing.

The Leader – Susie , Ski Pro – way too competitive, she’s out to win (live) , no matter who else has to loose (die). Following her may not increase one’s probability of surviving Krampus’s twisted game.

The couple- James & Michael – a couple on their honeymoon, although a breakup wouldn’t be the worst thing that could happen to them. Michael discovers he has a sadistic side that James finds surprisingly attractive. Krampus finds them adorable, but still death may be their fate.

The Carrier – Ava – Daughter to Mike and Linda (Michael & Mike, designed for later comedic affect) Her teenage rants summons Krampus to the resort, as nothing please him more than meeting disruptive, misbehaving, children.

The Rescuer – Mike, he’s a dad therefore feels responsible for getting everyone out of here alive. Krampus enjoys toying with such an under matched opponent.

The innocent – Linda, wife to Mike, mother, housewife. She done nothing but goodness all her life, so she says. Krampus knows more about her than the rest. It will be her undoing.

[Edward Lusk]

What I learned doing this assignment: Although there are these rules, I don’t feel constrained in creativity. They help shape and define the monster/villain, however whatever creation derived is wide open imagination. It’s fun, and so many possibilities to brain storm.

Tell us what or who your monster is.

My monster(s) is the Krampus, true, not original, however, imagined in in a more deadly, sinister, refined gentleman. He wears a tailored cassock, yellow eyes, sharp teeth, horns protrude from salon cut hair. He’s educated, a little bored, and uses his genius for his own morbid sense of pleasure.

Krampus has a partner – Saint Nicholas. Who merrily carries out Krampus’s evil wishes. His staff is lethal. It’s a spear, a sword, the curled staff strangles its victims.

Together there’s a subtext of attraction between them.

2. Give us a few sentences for each of the following for your monster:

Their Terror:

Saint Nicholas carries a sack full of deadly gifts for Krampus’s victims. Pick you gift – choose your death or trade it with another victim’s. Either way, if you don’t go through with it, Saint Nicholas will see to it that you do.

Their Mystery:

Character’s of children’s folklore. How did evil Krampus convince Saint Nicholas to come to the dark side with such cruel gifts? Are they couple? Krampus calls him, Nicholas, What are they trying to achieve? They only show up on Christmas Eve – when summoned.

Their Fear Provoking Appearance:

What a pair, Saint Nicholas appears merry, jovial even, except his sack fun of terror and deadly staff. Then there’s Krampus, yellow devil eyes, menacing smile full of sharp teeth, deceiving pleasantness, handsome & stylish , yet merciless. He’ll stab you with his horns, just to make a point!

Their Rules:

They must be summoned by – yet to be defined way. ( A reading, a wish, a magical object?) Their appearance means death is inevitable. It’s just a matter of how. Pick your present , pick’s the method. It might be used on you, or on another. One sinister White Elephant exchange. It’s the luck of the draw, except the luck is all bad. They only work on Christmas Eve. You might outlast them, by dawn they are gone.

Their Mythology:

We know Krampus is a pagan god. Now he’s in the modern world. He like’s the spoils but keeps his reputation for terror. Saint Nicholas, giver of secret gifts, until he met Krampus, seduced by his wickedness or his charm? Maybe both!

[Edward Lusk]

What I learned doing this assignment is how close the movie adheres to the conventions outlined. In the genre other conventions such as unique or complex character relationships aren’t required nor is conflict and drama. The ending was not as satisfying or entertaining as the journey to get there was.

MOVIE – House of the Witch.

Concept – Sinister spirit crashes a teen Halloween party held in an abandoned country estate.

Isolation – Country Estate, abandoned. Once inside, locked in, no cell service no contact to outside.

Death: In order: Cannibalism, Drowning, Decapitation, Rapid Aging, Disembowelment, Burning, another drowning.

Monster/Villain – Annabel Foster – the witch.

High Tension – Seeing things that aren’t there, unexplained phenomena, worried parents, increasing storm, separating the friends, panic attacks, hysteria, no way to escape. Third party POV’s. Missing friend calling from unknown locations in the house.

Departure from Reality. A witch with magical powers, a unescapable house, photographs subjects change before our eyes. Childhood belongings show up inside the house. Skin peeling, unexplained rashes/boils.

Moral Statement – Don’t trust pass in off limits places & listen to your parents.

Well done – mostly single location shoot, small cast, decent acting, dialogue was natural and contributing to tension. Ending was not great, no twist, no one else to kill so it ended. Contained what was expected for a horror film and low budget production.

[Edward Lusk]

I agree to the confidentiality agreement – Ed Lusk

[Edward Lusk]

Hi, Ed Lusk from Ohio here. I’ve written 6 scripts. I hope to learn the requisites of the horror genre, which is unknown to me, because …. I’m collaborating with pod cast writer adapting his material into a horror screenplay. I’ve sensed spirits and ghosts in locations where tragedy has struck.

[Edward Lusk]

Thank you Terrie, all good points. Appreciate your input. Yes, there’s a twist where Howie is the one to save Christmas, I’ll keep in mind that needs to be more clear on my next go around. Happy writing and marketing! – Ed

[Edward Lusk]

LD’s Notes

Hi L.D. I really like your concept. Curious, does your story take place before the Iron Curtain fell? I’m old enough to remember the days when Soviet Union defections were a big international deal/crisis. 

Because the elevator pitch has so many moving parts, it took me a hot minute to put it all together.

Maybe if you can simplify just a bit.

My feature – When East Meets West, a romantic comedy about a celebrated musician, and a poet, whose mistaken beliefs that the other plans to defect sparks international chaos, and unexpected love amid a diplomatic showdown (or crisis, or threat of war? political fallout?) possibly higher stakes than the "showdown"

The Phone and Pitch Fest are also great – again just try to pare them down a little bit, the main conflict and comic forces will still stands out, with just a little less words.

Query Letter.

Love this hook – Title: When East Meets West Genre: romantic comedy Is it love, defection, or something else?

Introduces intrigue at the start. 

I like the synopsis other than perhaps little too many plot details. Try for the bigger picture.
Can you break up the synopsis with more hooks, leave out some of the details or summarize them?

Could be your novel writing taking over just a tad.

Example – All this: Listening to Ross’s poem critical of America’s greed and power, Natasha sees Ross as a kindred spirit destined for Russia. At the same time, Ross mistakenly believes Natasha plans to defect after spotting a book on defection in her hands—unaware she’s holding it for a stranger.

Could it be this instead? A provocative poem sparks a cultural misunderstanding: Natasha mistakes Ross for a kindred rebel destined for Russia, while Ross believes she's plotting to defect to the West.

I like this closing hook/dilemma – There, they face a life-altering decision: return to their old lives, or risk everything for a love that could defy borders—and spark chaos back home.

Spells out character transformation and high stakes very well.

It all great stuff, but might be too much of a good thing when the readers only give a few seconds to the QL’s they read every day.

I’d see this picture, I like blends of stakes – romance and politics, art and love, and culture and then there’s the characters, just people trying to find their place in the world among all this chaos, a relatable theme, I think.

Best of luck!
Ed

[Edward Lusk]

Thank you, LD, terrific feedback I will apply to my next draft. The QL paragraph is really good capturing the dilemmas and conflicts of the most unlikely romance in a catchy summary.

I take a look at your pitch tomorrow – Sunday and reply with feedback.

What works for me with this HTML business is a first reply. -That is a jumble of words and symbols. Then I hit EDIT again, make no edits then POST again. This removes most of the issues for me without actually editing.

[Edward Lusk]

Hi, I’ve been away. But YES, I will revise my pitches and post. Then feel free to feedback me. Many Thanks, Ed

[Edward Lusk]

Hello Terrie, funny stuff in Freaky Fusion.

With your Elevator, Pitch Festival, maybe not pass over a really good hook –

From your pitch, I gathered Misa's and Bill's bodies are accidentally swapped while repairing Bill's ship due to some equipment malfunction. If that's the case. I'd run with that more than just, "After they swap bodies."

In your phone pitch, consider leaving out the comps and getting to the good stuff, you have a crash, the previously mentioned swapped bodies, the ship repair goal and outsmarting the sheriff. Those are all really good story points and bring your story to life. Highlight those and you'll get requests.
In the QL,
Bill, as Misa, using his alien technology to try to win the contest for environmentally friendly innovations, hoping to fund spaceship repairs – is brilliant. That's a movie right there.

The emotional dilemma spelled at out at the end of the QL is good too.:
Misa may lose her life in Bill’s body, and Bill must decide whether to flee Earth or stay and help his unlikely new friend.

I read this and now I'm involved, how does it end, because these characters feel authentic – great ending!

Many good hooks to work with. Best of luck!

[Edward Lusk]

Yes,that would be great! thanks.

[Edward Lusk]

Hello Kathryn, I enjoyed reading your pitches.
For the elevator, Phone pitches, I'd try to get to a higher level, less on detail and more on hook and theme. Nanotech, I assume not everyone knows about ( I had to look it up) but I can see it being used in a fascinating way in your story.

I like your hook statements in the QL, again with what lies between try to button up for a quicker, more impactful read. When I read your pitches for some reason I thought of Elizabeth Holmes as the CEO.
Cool concept, &amp; good luck with the pitches!
Ed

[Edward Lusk]

Hello David
I love the title. Reminds me of movies back in the '70's when a slew of "Devil" movies were popular.

I'm not sure you need the opening statement about the female driven contained horror script. All that is evident without stating it.

I like the opening hook, builds intrigue immediately. Still work more on the sentence structure, I had to read it a couple of times to get the gist.

Maybe? Tessa swears she hears her brother calling her for help, but how? He’s lying unconscious on the dirty diner floor, spittle trickles from his blue lips.

Is it important to know who gave the brother the OD and now "they're" coming for Tessa? If who they are adds to the hook, maybe consider adding it.

I would make the ending open:
She discovers the powers to control the underworld she never realized she had and is able to finally defeat the dark forces to release the others and get her brother home.

Maybe – She discovers the secret powers to control the underworld she never realized she had, but, will they be enough to finally defeat the dark forces to release the others and get her brother safely home?
We like to know but have to read the script!

Wonderful job, such a unique twist on drug/addiction tale. Good luck!

[Edward Lusk]

You know what – this grabs me right away "Elevator pitch: I have a dark comedy about a serial killer in a retirement village." I'm in just based on that. Good Luck, You scare me Pat! lol

[Edward Lusk]

Your concept strikes me as Money Ball meets the Bad News Bears (yes, I’m old but great film!) Good luck, sounds fun.

[Edward Lusk]

You scare me Pat! 😀

[Edward Lusk]

Hi Robin, would like to exchange feedback with me? Thanks.

[Edward Lusk]

Hi Linda would you like to exchange outlines?
Thanks
Ed

[Edward Lusk]

Hello Harry, I love London. Visited there several times. Cheers!

[Edward Lusk]

Nice to see you again Janeen. Good luck & happy writing.

[Edward Lusk]

Nice to see you again Sunil. Good luck in class!

[Edward Lusk]

Very ambitious taking two classes at once. Good luck to you too. Keep in touch…Ed

[Edward Lusk]

Thank you Paul, I appreciate you taking the time for detailed and thoughtful notes. I’ve learned much from you. If you get a chance google – Cleveland Museum of Art Armor Room. It’s my inspiration and one of my favorite CMA galleries. I’ll have notes for you in a couple of days. Thanks Again!!

[Edward Lusk]

No problem Paul. We’ve all improved our writing skills but not the management of these confounded forums! LOL. I will provide feedback of your scene this week.

[Edward Lusk]

Hi Paul, exchange notes?

[Edward Lusk]

Thanks Sandra! Appreciate you taking the time and your insights are spot on. It is hard getting all those traits in, isn’t it?

[Edward Lusk]

Hi Sandra, I really enjoyed reading your scene. Beautifully crafted to include many of the interest techniques and play out the situation perfectly. I gasped several times indicating my enjoyment.

What stands out for me in no particular order:

Set up /Reveal – Phillip’s a cop working to get to Brandy’s sister and using Brandy to do it. – Also Hope/Fear for Phllip.

Hope/Fear – a good time at a party to busted for serious charges. Brandy’s fear of arrest to hope she be let go.

Major Twists – Envelope contains drugs & used to frames Brandy

Opening Hook & Mystery – Who is Phillip? What’s in the envelope/ the gift. Who’s it for?

Intrigue – Phillip took evidence from police evidence room for the frame. – this good be dramatic irony but we don’t know specifically it is an evidence room. But I think it is best we don’t as it supplies suspense and mystery.

Surprise – the cocaine, Phillip’s role in this, Brady’s card is declined.

Suspense – The envelope, who’s party is this? Why is Phillip invited. What will happen to Brandy?

Dilemma – Will Phillip continue to frame innocent people to keep his job?

Cliffhanger – What will Phillip do? Will they get Brandy’s sister?

Could be stronger:

Put in more interesting setting – I like the character descriptions, especially Brandy, but the settings are generic.

Superior Position / Dramatic Irony – you could add that the patrol car officers get a call about the set up going down in the liquor store, something that gives us a little hint they are not there by coincidence without giving away the plot twist.

Something Unseen ? Could be what Brandy’s sister got to do with this, also part of the cliffhanger.

Traits & Subtext

BRANDY

Traits

– Status seeking – High fashion, fancy car, we assume party is rich and famous.

– Entertaining – my her fashion. She says she’s a performer. – Could be stronger.

– Needy – Needs Philip at police station, she appears broke? Could be stronger

– Deceptive – avoids telling Phillip who’s party it is.

Subtext: Brandy willingly lies when it serves her purpose. – I’m not getting she telling a lot of lies. She tells the police office she never seen the envelope before – that is a lie, anything else?

PHILLIP

Traits

– Manipulative – not getting this trait in dialogue although trying to get Brandy to tell him who’s party it is comes close. He’s more so manipulative in actions.

– Sense of entitlement – He assumes Brandy’s paying for the liquor. Takes stuff from evidence room.

– Guilt ridden – does’t like framing innocent people

– Polite – yes compliments Brandy for her looks, wishes officers a good evening. Dresses well.

Subtext: Phillip is polite…as he manipulates those around him.

He is a nice guy. Very unsuspecting as a police officer on the take. Manipulative, not as strong, to me he comes across as more seductive.

There’s opportunity to introduce more traits. If you went deeper into the relationship of Brandy and Peter that would organically produce more opportunities for their traits to come out. Structurally it is a very good scene. I’d work more on the setting, the character traits, and subtext to round things out. The characters are a little too nice but interesting.

Great job!

[Edward Lusk]

H Sandra, want to exchange notes?

[Edward Lusk]

ok, thanks, I’ll post my notes here so you know where to look.

[Edward Lusk]

Thanks George, appreciate the insightful notes. Very keen observations.

[Edward Lusk]

Hey 19, it’s over there now.

[Edward Lusk]

Hi George – want to exchange notes?

[Edward Lusk]

Thanks I posted Notes in Day 16 for you as well.

[Edward Lusk]

See Day 16 for notes…. thanks

• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by  Edward Lusk.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by  Edward Lusk.

[Edward Lusk]

If we’re trying to match up forum numbers to classes, for QE#3, it seems like Draft One is posted Forum 14, Rewrite (after video lesson) posted Forum 15 , then exchanges and feedback posted on Forum #16. Does that seem correct ?

[Edward Lusk]

Sure thing, , Thanks.

[Edward Lusk]

I posted draft # 2 below. Ready for feedback exchange. thanks

[Edward Lusk]

Ok, I see we complete lesson 15, then a rewrite , then critique for lesson 16. Look for my Draft # 2, in a day or two, thanks

[Edward Lusk]

Hi Kristina, would you like to exchange feedback?

Thanks

Ed

[Edward Lusk]

Thanks Tom, you just reminded me of FARGO, ugh now I’m queasy. LOL Good insights to the story. Yes, the “game” needs more fleshing out. Something to connect all the apparent strangers, or are they? Almost like a Agatha Christie novel, there’s something under the surface that should be revealed that binds them to their collective fate. Fun stuff. Good luck in your writings.

[Edward Lusk]

Hi Tom congratulations on completing your draft outline. Remind me not to have dinner at your house – LOL J.K.

I don’t know if this is intentional but there are repeat actions in the outline – could be some form of time travel? Trying to illustrate the horror structure? It distracts from the story. If you can clarify in future drafts that will help.

Scene 7

Detective Mabel finds his fingerprints and mistakenly identifies Millicent’s burned hulk as Andrew’s.

Scene 17

Detective MABEL finds his fingerprints and identifies Millicent’s burned hulk as Andrew’s body.

Repeating Clare’s

In scene 9 Clare is killed and eaten yet reappears in scene 14 then eaten again in 18 & 22.

9. INT. ORPHANAGE – NIGHT

Horror Situation –Andrew cooks and eats Clare.

14. INT. ORPHANAGE – NIGHT

That night Clare flashes her bare chest at him. Andrew is embarrassed

18. INT. RANDOM HOUSE – NIGHT

Horror Situation – Andrew cooks and eats Clare and a housewife.

22. INT. ORPHANAGE – DAY

Horror Situation – Andrew cooks, eats and disposes of Clare and a housewife.

Repeated encounter with strange man…

4. EXT. TWO LANE HIGHWAY – NIGHT

A man wearing a cape claims Andrew is his son. Takes him out in the country. Gives him a high voltage shock. Andrew flaps his arms, flies around, has strange hallucinations. The man’s skin is scaly like the Black Lagoon creature. Attacks Andrew who accidently kills him. Returns to the orphanage.

23. EXT. DESERTED TWO LANE BLACK TOP HIGHWAY – DAY

Scene: A man claims Andrew is his son, takes him out in the country. Gives him a high voltage shock. Abruptly Andrew is able to fly. Has strange hallucinations. His skin is scaly like creature from the Black Lagoon. The man hits him. Andrew accidently kills him. Returns to the orphanage.

The cannibal actions are quite grizzly and entertaining. The story arc of Andrew, needs clarification. As I read it, Mabel, is his mother, then who’s is M’Lord ? Is he suppose to be Andrews’s father? At the end Andrew morphs into M’Lord, he can’t be his own father, or is he taking the shape of M’Lord – did he die at sometime ? The pieces parts are there, just need more defining in extended drafts.

I like the idea behind the orphanage and the cannibals it creates. How this is accomplished could be better illustrated. I’d flesh this out more and fill in any story logic issues between Andrew, Mabel, M’Lord and the scaly man in the cape, – said to be Andrew’s father. Does Mabel know Andrew’s her son? There could be more drama built around this situation & relationship.

There is plenty of gore and horror throughout. The horror scenes are nicely constructed. There some supernatural elements are play – all these are good. The emphasis then on future drafts is clarification of the story line, character relationships and any backstory that needs to help establish present day situations. Great start. Very imaginative and creative concept.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by  Edward Lusk.

[Edward Lusk]

Hi Tom, yes, I’ll look at yours tomorrow. Please reference my Version # 2, for feedback. Thanks.

[Edward Lusk]

Ed, my notes on your scene…

-JOHN

Traits

– Daring

– Distrustful

– Loyal

– Loner

Subtext: John distrusts people, so he tries to trick them

into showing their worst side.

NICK

Traits

– Confident

– Conniving

– Rebellious

– Giving

Subtext: Nick is a conniving guy who loves manipulating people

into bad spots and then taking advantage of them.

Good scene, I like the contemporary feel and the banter back and forth with your characters. It’s a bit rushed, but intriguing as to what is going to unfold given Nick’s first line.

Interest techniques I see; Suspense, what’s going to happen, intrigue – the setting, change in character – John, Hope/Fear – could be better played out with added cat and mouse games played with N & J. You could add dramatic irony, superior view, if we knew the cops were laying in wait/hiding at the beginning of the scene. We start to get the vibe who is setting up who. If this open question is developed further it would help the scene with bigger set up & reveals.

With traits…

By isolating the character’s dialogue (below) we can see how well the lines deliver on traits. In your scene Nick has about ten lines of dialogue and John has seven. Nick appears to have better example of showing his traits than John. Perhaps with beefing up John’s lines and adding more dialogue his traits will become more apparent.

By elevating John’s resistance and raising the stakes, who’s playing who? The traits will naturally come on stronger. Think about how you can take the situation from, join the corrupt cops club, to something even worse.

NICK’S LINES:

NICK

Do you got what I asked for, or don’t you? – Shows conniving, technique – intrigue , what’s asked for? Undetermined if he asked in confidence or not. No signs of rebel or giving.

NICK

Because you’ve been dodging me.- a statement of fact. Shows confidence. For John, could show being a loner, as he’s dodging others.

NICK

All week… you’re dodging me now. – a repeated statement of fact. Shows confidence , again John dodging, could be because of “distrustful” or other reasons for avoiding.

NICK

Because I’m still waiting for what you shoulda brung three days ago. Maybe you ain’t so reliable. – shows a patience trait, not on the list but okay, distrustful of John – his trait.

NICK

Nunya. Nunya Bidness! (chuckles at his clever answer) Rebellious? Maybe , it’s a stretch, it shows a sense of humor.

NICK

Don’t piss me off! If I’m dirty you’re dirty! Hell, how’s pickin’ up a buck or two on the side to keep things runnin’ smooth make ya dirty? You know the City don’t pay us enough. Look, kid, I vouched for you, and you been stallin’ too long. It’s time you get in. You wanna marry that cute girlfriend of yours someday, right? Maybe get a two-decker in Southie? Have a couple kids and all that happy family crap? Takes money…

Looks like Nick’s giving trait has emerged here. Getting John into the racket. Although criminal, still a generous act. Stating he’s a dirty cop, does that show rebelliousness? Show’s he’s corrupt at the very least.

NICK

Johnny boy, jump in, the water’s fine… we’ll even throw in a extra special signup bonus for ya! – Back to being giving. Also confident. Some conniving because it is “we’ll even throw…” meaning accomplices involved. Good!

NICK

This is yours, pal. All yours – giving again

NICK

Wrong-o Tonto, he’s as bad as you. Worse even. Damn Boy Scout. It was Dennis. Member when he was out with the Covid? Weren’t Covid, he was fakin’ it. Ran a few errands though and made some e-a-s-y money. Wicked easy.

Revealing a scheme – conniving trait, although someone else’s scheme bit shows the people he associates with.

NICK

You can too, pal, you can too! (beckons with a hand-it-over gesture) C’mon, give it…

-confidence, or trust shown , more so in John. Indirectly then belonging to Nick.

JOHN’s LINES:

JOHN

Why wouldn’t I? = Distrustful

JOHN

Have I? Distrustful again with vagueness.

JOHN

I’m right here, so how’s that dodging? Loner trait, and loyal, as he making good on appearing.

JOHN

Well who “brung” it last time? A “curious” trait, perhaps. Not getting additional John’s traits here.

JOHN

Sorry, did I violate some sort of unwritten dirty cop code? Could be, Daring, violating a code. Could also be, naive, or playing it.

JOHN

It was Bud, wasn’t it? He was the guy what “brung” it last time. Figured something out but not getting John traits here

JOHN

I’ll give it alright. – could be daring as the action that follows starts the fight and the bust.

JOHN – Subtext – John does eventually trick Nick, thus holding true to his subtext. Through his questioning of who else is involved got Nick to loose his temper and rat other out. Mission accomplished there!

NICK – Subtext – yes, conniving , set up a pay off racket, for what we don’t know, but other’s are involved. He uses a “sales pitch” manipulation on how John can get ahead, as a cop salary won’t cut it. If John’s worse side is being a snitch, then Nick, got what he wanted manipulating him into a bad spot.

[Edward Lusk]

Thanks Maureen for the excellent and detailed feedback. I appreciate the time and level of analysis. I’ve now gained several learnings to take forward in the QE cycle. I see “collapse” is not the right verb for Robert in the end. His intended reaction to the events was an emotional release, more of a great exhale, not a physical collapse. Good luck in future writings and I look forward to reading more of your scenes and feedback.

[Edward Lusk]

Thanks Ed, appreciate the feedback. Indeed , clearly written dialogue can only help illustrate the traits & story trying to be presented. A valuable learning I shall take forward. Yes, 1970’s cinema was the best!

[Edward Lusk]

Hi Judith, good progress on improving your scene. The foreshadowing of John and his special abilities is great. It does not tip us off as to what’s coming rather builds suspense and intrigue as designed.

I’m wondering why do Nick and John not recognize, or know, each other at the opening? Later we learn they have a deep history. The origin of John’s abilities is also left unknown.

You’re doing great with the techniques. I’d concentrate now on building the traits into the character’s dialogue. For example Nick is confident, yet he’s yelling help from the guard. Nick does not have much opportunity to be conniving, as he is alone in prison. Although he’s better at trying to dissuade John now with his background story regarding James. Maybe another character to help with his conspiracies. If Nick is a rebel, I don’t think he’d resign to his fate so easily. Try to build more on these traits.

Better with John’s traits. He’s certainly daring. Getting rid of the guard helps make him more of a loner and shows distrust = two for one! He is loyal to James, also good. His actions are supporting his traits. Try showing even more with his dialogue.

All these trait building lines will build the drama a conflict and reveal more about these interesting characters and situation you’ve built so far. The scene’s becoming more intriguing with the plot, now keeping adding to the characters. They will stand out more and the scene will develop further into a nail bitter! Good luck and please continue improving!

• This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by  Edward Lusk.

[Edward Lusk]

Yes Judith, I will tonight.

[Edward Lusk]

Hi Maureen – thanks for sharing your work. I enjoyed the uniqueness, surprises, double entendres too! Here are my notes….

Scene Arc – Intent – From Celebration to Ass Kicking

The opening metaphor scene, although not a celebration is intriguing. I think the celebration is Rob’s wedding? It if it is, I’d intro Rob as the groom, so there’s no mistaking him. Interesting “ass kicking,” unexpected , good! I like that’s unconventional. Good twist.

Scene Situation – One character is lured into a back room where he is beat up.

Hidden room or backroom? If you were actually working with a producer, this interpretation is something to discuss. I like it for its imagination and twist technique. In a literal sense, not align with situation’s request.

Robert’s Subtext – loves creating gossip about other people and watch it take them down.

I like that the short guy intro’s the rumor and Rob pours gasoline on the fire. Still shows him to be a gossiper, but without him initiating it. You could extend his subtext as he flirts with Julia.

Trent’s Subtext – pretends he is wealthy to get people to do the things he wants —at their expense.

Not getting this subtext yet, He comes across as being wealthy but not that he’s pretending to be wealthy. That can be done , perhaps with a visit from the manager – there’s a problem with the bill. Or a guest speaking a Rob rumor that he’s not. Something that tips us off regarding his true lot in life.

TRAITS:

With both Robert and Trent, their relationships and dialogue with Julia and Evelyn are great opportunities to illustrate additional subtext and traits. Relationships, with history, are great for emotions to come to the surface. With this draft the dialogue more geared to illustrating plot. The next pass, layer in additional trait and subtext.

Roberts Traits:

Smooth – yes, good comes across as a player. Consider having an event occur at the beginning of the scene that illustrates his smooth personality, smooth over a disagreement or something.

Secretive – Didn’t pick up this trait.

Gregarious – didn’t pick up this trait

Low Self Esteem – didn’t pick up this trait.

Trent’s Traits:

Conspiring – He’s worked up some scheme with Evelyn until she double crosses him. With his time with Evelyn, you have opportunity to explore this trait and others.

Aggressive – I see this in being upset with the spinach spill and at the end, he attacks Robert.

Meticulous – Yes, good, regarding his appearance.

Needy- Didn’t pick up this trait.

Techniques:

The essence of the scene – my take – revenge is best served cold.

Suspense – Suspense can be increased if, Rob, Trent, Julia and Evelyn all crossed paths early on. Setting up the awkwardness mixed with the suppressed attractions , past bad blood, in subtext. We know something probably bad will happen later. What we don’t know, keeping your big surprises intact. Consider extending the anticipation of what going to happen in the hidden room.

Major Twist – Good – the change in setting to hidden room and the set up, Rob and Trent hook ups with the ladies.

Surprise – Yep, great, unique and surprising ending.

Interesting Setting – The lodge has some potential, we need to get a better feeling of how the isolation plays into the story.

Mislead/Reveal – Good, the relationships, have past issues and, motivates the revenge actions.

Character Changes –

Betrayal – Perhaps Make it clearer what the bad blood is between Robert and Trent and escalate it.

Superior Position Irony –

Uncertain Hope/Fear –

Intrigue – Good, setting, past histories of the guests, hidden rooms, cattle prods, forcing Rob and Trent to fight.

Over all very imaginative and unique plot and turn of events. With future passes continue to layer in the past bad blood and complexities of the relationships with Rob, Trent and Evelyn and Julia. This material is the heart of the action and subtext. The more we can understand what is motivating these characters the better the use of traits, and payoffs when they take action.

[Edward Lusk]

Hi, you see I just replied. For you – On the right of my scene – you see a “Reply” icon, press that, then the window appears. Either write, or cut and paste your notes there. Then – be sure to scroll to the bottom on click on the “Post” button.

[Edward Lusk]

JUDITH NOTES

Hi Judith, thanks for letting me read you work. Here are my notes. Please don’t hesitate to ask any questions.

QE Cycle # 2 Draft One Notes. (Nick &John)

SITUATION: A face-to-face standoff where the good guy must get certain info from the bad guy before the fight starts.

Good to have the setting in the prison visiting room. Implies the good guy (John?), bad guy (Nick?) efficiently and sets a time limit for the scene. The phone forces a face to face stand off, all good. I didn’t see a connection to a fight breaking out.

There’s conflict between John and Nick but they are physically separated. Other than the guard, no characters around who could fight. On future passes, develop the situation which presents an opportunity for a fight. John uses his “powers?” To keep Nick from getting up, which is great. You have a guard, consider using him in a more active role than passive. John can still reveal his “powers” with the guard, just in another way that brings him into the conflict, if you so desire.

I’d establish more about the setting, where is this prison, outer space? Another world? What’s the nature of the characters; human, human and sorcerer, supernatural, etc. I understand trying to interject, surprise, and Mislead/Reveal etc. These actions are good twist, but they need context so the reader ’s not wonder what’s going on. Rather we understand what is going on.

SCENE ARC: From just before the face-off to the good guy has the info.

My take the I information John must get from Nick is why he killed his father, James Monroe. Which, as Nick states, “…was a brute.” If that is the information, I’d go for a much deeper reason than James was a brute, really elevate the reason for killing of James. Nick should have some damning information that crushes John’s favorable opinion of who James is.

By doing so the characters conflict will escalate. The surrendering of the information was quick. Not too much bargaining or negotiating required. Nick’s coerced into giving it (good). The reveal happens mid-scene – with this arc, the reveal should happen close to the end of the scene. By elevating the stakes between Nick and John, it will build suspense delay the timing of the reveal.

I sense , maybe James Monroe is the father of both Nick and John? Whatever the case, clarify this relationship. Once you have the relationships established. You’ll have more fun breaking it apart.

The ending , again – If there is some supernatural elements at work, this needs to be fleshed out and you need to provide some foreshadowing. Yes, good the “vaporizing” is a surprise, as mentioned providing more context up-scene helps support this action. It’s good action – nice visual too.

JOHN

Traits

– Daring – confronting his father’s killer, takes some daring. Always room for more.

– Distrustful – having Nock ‘go first” is a good example. You can explore more distrust, as it’s a main trait for John in your scene (it’s his subtext)

– Loyal – to James Monroes – yes , good

– Loner – Don’t know yet, he came in alone.

Subtext: John distrusts people, so he tries to trick them

into showing their worst side.

We see a little of this with John showing up and getting prisoner Nick to talk. Fixes him in his seat for leverage, original and fun. Nick go first with his admission. Got a good footing, just keep going.

NICK

Traits

– Confident – I sense he is, a little cocky even.

– Conniving – Consider in the back story of the murder how that unfolded. The murder , for it’s new complex reason, can be more of a big conspiracy.

– Rebellious – He killed someone. Could be taken as rebellious. Basically tells John to fuck off. Since he’s in prison, being rebellious takes more work.

– Giving – gave away the reason for the killing. Ask yourself he did it because he was forced to or he did it because he true nature of being generous. Additional drafts can display more generosity to illustrate this trait more.

Subtext: Nick is a conniving guy who loves manipulating people

into bad spots and then taking advantage of them.

Good example with dialogue – “Look, I can see you’re in pain. My dad fooled me too. I thought he was a plumber. Was I surprised at what he was plumbing.”

The problem I see with the subtext is Nick is the one taken advantage of – he vaporizes. You can still have Nick loving manipulation – even though he knows he might loose – this plays to his rebellious, giving, and confident traits. He’s a complex guy.

Techniques:

Essence – does Nick “know” he deserves his fate or does he accept it? He may indeed know he’s going down, but for Nick, accepting is harder due to his confidence trait and he has to admit being rebellious got him in trouble. Explore him more and that help with reconcile his current situation in the story.

Overall there is twist and surprise – John’s demonstrates his special abilities and how he uses them on Nick. A little foreshadowing will give some context to these techniques so the reader appreciates what’s going on and why.

Mislead/Reveal – Yes, my take is John seems normal with his introduction – then you reveal he’s not “normal” in a sense he’s got weird powers. This ties in with my point above – you are on the right track in using John for these techniques. Look at timing and the pace, will maximize the techniques.

Because Nick knows what’s coming you can explore adding levels of Hope/Fear, maybe he be spared, then maybe he won’t. John is toying with Nick, we know that. He doesn’t trust him either , so let’s see how far he can pull his strings.

You can build more suspense. As you develop the scene more we’ll get even more suspense. Once we know, (and understand) who John is and what he can do. Then, suspense what will he do next , why, when?

Character Changes – You have a guard character – except because of John, he doesn’t do much. Maybe he can become more of a factor because of John’s abilities. Rather than John have the guard not move, maybe the guard takes actions manipulated by John’s which give Nick more problems to solve.

[Edward Lusk]

Thanks, Sure, I have one feedback to write this AM, then I’ll look at yours next.

[Edward Lusk]

Sure, sounds good.

[Edward Lusk]

Hi Gary – My notes….

I read the note about the Melissa and the Trent/Robert mix up on the Port Deck, took that into consideration when reading.

Scene Arc – Celebration to Ass Kicking

Setting is a yacht on New Year’s Eve, not a more celebratory time – and some atmosphere thrown in for marking where on NYE time line we are. Good! The Ass Kicking? Incomplete- Robert takes a punch, not much of ass kicking. Just elevate this to meet the producer’s violent wishes.

Scene situation – One Character is lured into a back room where he is beat up – I guess a cabin storage room will have to do given this is a yacht. In reality this location would be something to clarify with a producer before proceeding.

The Luring part – Robert’s not so much lured, as ordered to the storage room by Trent. If the whole sabotage the engagement was part of the luring, I didn’t see the connection. My sense of “luring” requires some dangling carrot to get one person to go somewhere where they feel insecure about going. I think that’s a suspense builder. Use more luring , less telling, should do it.

Roberts Subtext -loves creating gossip about other people and watch it take them down.

We meet Robert telling gossip, although we have no details. I’d mention Trent’s name in the gossip so to frame Melissa later encounter with Trent. The dialogue and set up are good, missed chance for using techniques deeper.

Trent’s Subtext – pretends he is wealthy to get people to do the things he wants —at their expense.

Through his opening dialogue, there’s a hint Trent hob knobs with the rich and famous. Don’t know if he’s pretending, or not. His manner of speaking gives him a little snob appeal , which is good. I’d take more advantage of Melissa throwing the ring over board and the break up. All too quick. This is fertile action which can provide a more developed and profound reaction.

After the character introductions, I don’t get much more subtext. The scene is a bit rushed. There is a good foundation to developed subtext further. The character are coming into view but we should experience more of them overall.

Scene Essence -My take is – we have a gold digger called out and there are consequences.

Robert’s Traits

Smooth – Sips champagne, comforts the victim of his gossip. He’s Self-deprecating. Cool under Trent’s interrogation. Good!

Secretive- “I think about a lot of things, you’re going to have to be more specific” Implies being evasive. Deals that did not work out, absence of details, in this situation is good.

Gregarious -Don’t see Gregarious when I see Trent.

Low Self Esteem – the fact he’s gossiping to hurt others the build himself up is evidence, but that also subtext. He’s insecure , which is a symptom of Low esteem, that’s good. Failed deals may be result of self sabotage and therefore low esteem. Build on this more, it helps explain his actions.

I like the way this line is written- but for me it’s a Trent line, not Robert’s, when it comes to capturing the character’s voice – “You’re better off really. We both know you were just marrying the poor dumpling for her family’s money.”

Trent’s Traits

Conspiring- Trent’s a deal maker, don’t know if the deals are underhanded or illegal. Just he’s involved, with who, other than Robert, not clear either. Pump up who and why the conspiracy.

Aggressive – He punches Robert, so yes. Slams a door. But, he lets Mellissa just walk away without a fight. He’s kind of passive aggressive thus far.

Meticulous- He tells us he is. We go with that.

Needy – Truly needy from an emotional point of view is constantly seeking approval and validation from others. He needs Robert to “ step up” but that’s a performance issue, not emotional support, like, I need others to…like me, tell me I’m great, hang out with me. Needy are not good a recognizing borders. Build this trait up more.

Overall, because the scene’s a bit short, there’s a strong foundation to keep developing their traits . These characters are beginning not to like, or trust, one another. We just need to experience it more.

Interest Techniques:

Suspense- Mentioned – it rushed scene, suspense is fleeting.

Major Twist – We have a break up, the weddings off, because of Robert’s gossiping. Poor Melissa we hardy knew her. Robert implies at the end , this is not over – this is good.

Surprise – Melissa throws her ring overboard. Trent cold cocks Trent. Any more?

Interesting Setting – I like the yacht , fits with the characters. Perhaps a little more atmosphere.

Character Changes – I don’t see a change in character.

Betrayal – A good betrayal requires strong, emotional, relationships. Betrayals are meant to hurt, to maim another person. Because we don’t see much lost between Melissa and Trent, we don’t care much that Robert was to blame. Conversely, Robert failing Trent on his deals feels more of incompetence than lost trust.

Super Position/Irony – At the end – Trent does not hear Robert’s implied threat.

Uncertainty = Hope/Fear – not sensing much of either to be honest. Maybe there is hope for Trent with Robert out of his life? If there is fear he stays, that should be elevated.

Intrigue – Hints of it. Super Yacht, rich people, International dealings with unscrupulous people. With better character development, we see it even more.

Over all , got the makings of profound characters, their situation, and stakes. Just keep developing it. It rushed at this point which cuts off opportunities for more layering all the good stuff! There are hints of crafty dialogue. Let your characters talk more. I like where it is going. Hope you do to!

Ed

[Edward Lusk]

Thanks Gary, yes, for sure still got some work yet to do. I was aiming for a noir feel, glad to see it recongnized. You sum it up well – losing sight of motivations…focusing on technique’s etc. Good learnings and a way to improve. I’ll make some. notes for you.

[Edward Lusk]

Hi George, my notes….

Scene Arc – Intent – From Celebration to Ass Kicking

Your slug line reads, “Mardi Gras”, that is a celebration setting for sure. You can do more with the setting details to help elevate the celebration feel. Trent’s celebrating. There’s also mention of celebration , champagne, etc, but that’s mid-scene. Ass Kicking – There’s an implied ass kicking at the scene’s end, to what extent is not quite fleshed out. Use more action there to convey it.

Scene Situation – One character is lured into a back room where he is beat up.

Lured – yes, the use of cocaine sampling by Robert to lure Trent is good and within character and story.

Technically a bathroom is not a back room. Night clubs have backrooms too, perhaps you can work that location into the situation instead, or change the entire location within Mardi Gras, or a different celebration event.

Robert’s Subtext – loves creating gossip about other people and watch it take them down.

Gossiping found; Trent’s syphilis flare up, Trent’s out of dope, however, gossiping to Trent about Trent’s problem seems clunky. Maybe the “out of dope” gossip can be told someone else? Continued gossip, about the Dragon shared with Trent. Perhaps take the opportunity when Robert’s opening at the bar, either to seek out gossip or spread it. Right away we’ll know his subtext is that of a gossiper.

Look over other opportunities for adding the subtext in the dialogue. More subtext the better.

Trent’s Subtext – pretends he is wealthy to get people to do the things he wants —at their expense.

Trent’s hanging out in a flashy night club, drinking expensive champagne, has a posse – all good! Talks in a smarmy way. Good contrast to the solo Robert. Trent proposes a win, win, win, deal , demonstrating some financial wheeling & dealing. Seems Robert’s subtext is a little stronger. Look for additional ways to express subtext further into the scene.

Robert’s Traits

Smooth – expressed towards the end of the scene, definitely a more collected person compared to Trent. Robert’s cool under pressure, based on his action. Try a little more smoothness in dialogue to go with that.

Secretive – sure, double identity , keeping a secret , Tinder date lie, all good.

Gregarious – no, not really. Actually he comes off more on the somber side.

Low Self Esteem – you tell us at the beginning – “feeling sorry for himself” He’s not happy about a Tinder date. But, if understand the Tinder date was all a ruse to meet Trent. If that is the case, Low Self Esteem, in this scene is more of an act, than a trait. Does Robert use drugs, or just sell them? I see a drug user as a low self esteem trait. Investigate this a little more to express this trait more authentically.

Trent’s Traits

Conspiring – sure, involving, Robert, the Dragon, himself in drug dealing.

Aggressive – sure , using the guns, forcing a deal, general menacing, dialogue threats.

Meticulous – if we going by his attire and accessories; cape & cane, maybe, he seems more eccentric details. Stronger trait with attention to the drug deal details, which is good. He’s not a generalist in this case.

Needy -well , he needs the deal and he needs Roberts help to get the deal. These seem more needed for his survival than ego. He getting attention with his attire, if that is the purpose of it, however he does not acknowledge the attention it draws. I see a needy trait as someone seeking always validation and approval. I think this is a difficult trait to pull off for someone aggressive too! I struggled with it as well.

Essence & Techniques –

The essence of the scene – for me it comes across as – these guys are all users, they use others to get what they want, not an authentic bone in their bodies. Bad dudes really, which makes for good characters ! Well done.

Suspense – I’m trouble that the characters are waiting for the Dragon’s reply. Imagine if this scene was being filmed. What happens? These characters are just sitting at the table waiting for a text. The audience will find this awkward. You can have ,” A beat,” which s just a moment , but not actual minutes. There’s suspense in there once Robert and Trent meet and we’re wondering what’s up. That’s all good. Then what going to happen at the end with the gunman. This action has potential for. ore suspense and character expression. Correct the technical expression of “minutes” of the suspense and you’ll be fine.

Major Twist – Good couple of those and unexpected.

Surprise – Why does Trent wear a cape? The answer could be surprising. Could Robert leave with, or make a move on one of Trent’s ladies, maybe there’s a surprise there too.

Interesting Setting – kind of a cliche, drug dealers meeting in a night club. I love the idea of Mardi Gras, think about a less traditional setting within a Mardi Gras that will work.

Mislead/Reveal – The Tinder Date set up, (I love Trent’s reaction to no ever being on Tinder) Ever consider Trent’s gun not having bullets? That could be revealed in the bathroom. BTW – “holding it with his thumb and forefinger like it’s a dead mouse” great action description, more of this style will be great.

Character Changes – Robert certainly does, Trent become more of a wimp, too, so good on both cases. Subtle and not over the top.

Betrayal – I think if Robert’s and Trent’s relationship was more than good buddies the betrayal will have more impact. Did someone save another’s life at one time? Were they in a war, team mates? Perhaps a deeper relationship level will give the betrayal more sting. I think I’ll use that in my scene too!

Superior Position Irony – didn’t see any. We, the audience, don’t have inside I formation. You could somehow foreshadow either characters true intentions, carefully, so not to tip them off but build more misleading information from the start.

Uncertain Hope/Fear – Does Robert hope, Trent will take the bait and make a deal? That’s indeterminate. What is Robert’s fear if he doesn’t? Trent has something to lose for sure. Robert has the upper hand all along. Trent’s hope/fear more evident with the drug deal. You could build up Trent’s hope and fear once they get to the bathroom. More toying with his fate.

Intrigue – Yes , we don’t immediately know exactly what Trent wants, or why he’s in a fix. Robert’s out of place in a night club. How do they know each other, other than drug dealing? (Maybe we should know that) There’s mystery/intrigue built into the scene – great!

Good job, keep working on the dialogue to express subtext and traits. Explore a different setting within Mardi Gras, or other celebration time and place. The Arc is there, the subtext needs additional expression. Traits are evident and building. We just need a clearer picture into these characters past relationships and how they express their mutual distrust and their knack for using others to get what they need. I don’t like these guys, which is because of good writing job on your part!

Ed

[Edward Lusk]

George – If you like to exchange notes – my email is, ejluskwriter@gmail.com thx

[Edward Lusk]

Thanks Micah, great feedback. Yes , you nailed the crux of the issue -the rules of the game need work, and secondary, the characters participating better understood their motives and secrets. Many possibilities! Appreciate it.

[Edward Lusk]

I have a version #2 on the way, feedback on that one , once posted would be great, thanks

[Edward Lusk]

Hi Micah, great outline, very easy to follow and well organized. I came away with the story is more of a thriller ( a good one) than a horror genre. I think if you elevate the horror in the horror situations you still have the story you want, just more horrific, than scary and tragic. Scene 49 is a good example of being having horror, poor Mallory covered in cockroaches in the dark is definitely horrifying. Conversely Scene 72, is missed opportunity I think. Heck yeah one of the main characters should fry on that electrified ladder. That’s horrific way to go. Smart setting most of the action in the hotel.

There’s plenty of action in act 3 for horror. As long as you elevate the horror situations within the action, then I think it will still be all out horror. The opening scene with the wolves is also good horror and the unexpected shooting by the father. That made me gasp!

Great job, keep escalating and elevating, it will be even better.

Ed

[Edward Lusk]

Thank you James, excellent feedback. I’ll get to work on draft 2.

[Edward Lusk]

Yes James, Let’s do that. Thanks Ed