[Elizabeth Appell]

What’s my pitch?

A rookie cop on her first night on the watch shoots and kills a low level perp in order save the life of her training officer. The lover of the perp goes on a brutal unholy war of revenge killing everyone near her and finally the rookie herself.

[Elizabeth Appell]

I Elizabeth Appell agree to the group release.

[Elizabeth Appell]

Hello, Writers,
Finally I got into the site. For some reason all I could get was a buffering circle. Just now a break through. Very excited. I’ve written about ten screenplays, several have landed in competitions. I also wrote a novel. LESSONS FROM THE GYPSY CAMP, which was published. I’ve adapted it into a screenplay. Several of my short stories have been published and strangely enough, wrote a poem that went platinum on an Alicia Keys Album, Elements of Freedom.

I’ve made two award-winning short films. I loved the process.

I’m here because I want to learn what is marketable and I want to write a marketable script through this process.

Happy New Year to you all and ONWARD!
Elizabeth Appell

[Elizabeth Appell]

Answer these questions for each of those characters.

Asleen Li

A. Role in the show:

B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:
Keep her husband who took first shot delivering him to the Brink alive
by finding the notebook that has the formula that will bring you back from
the brink.

C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?
Asleen’s secret is she blames Junjei for death of baby. If he’d
worked harder he might have come across the formula hey needed to save the
baby. Outwardly she blames Raven.

D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?
Is it right to play God. Is it right that human beings have the
power to decide who lives and who dies. Is Asleen morally right in blaming
her husband?

E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?
Asleen will do whatever it takes to save Junjei, even if it means
she has to ventue into the mortuary to find the notebooks that contains
the formula.

F. Empathetic: Why do we care?
Asleen is pregnant and maybe this baby may need saving; Jungei is a
good man and has gone so far as to taking himself to the brink in order to
prove if the formula works.

Raven Sullivan Jones

A. Role in the show: The initial antagonist. She will do anything to
please the Master as he saved her from her drug addiction and allowed her
to bring in the Sullies, brother and sister street kids. She will do
whatever it takes to help him get a hold of the notebook so they can make
the formula which will make him a fortune.

B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: She was an RN addicted to drugs. Her
secret is she is still addicted but trying hard to stay clean. Will do
what he asks to protect the Sullies who she named. She uses SULLIE as a
nod to who she used to be…Raven Sullivan, daughter of a magic man who
betrayed the Master by stealing one of his mantras and using it to learn
to disappear.

C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface? She learned the disappear
mantra from her father before he abandoned her. She’s never used it even
though is a well known tool the Master shares with many, indlucing Junjei.

[Elizabeth Appell]

I’ve always had problems with the forums platforms.

This might be Lesson 4.

[Elizabeth Appell]

Lesson 4

Answer these questions for each of those characters.

Asleen Li

A. Role in the show:

B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:
Keep her husband who took first shot delivering him to the Brink alive
by finding the notebook that has the formula that will bring you back from
the brink.

C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?
Asleen’s secret is she blames Junjei for death of baby. If he’d
worked harder he might have come across the formula hey needed to save the
baby. Outwardly she blames Raven.

D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?
Is it right to play God. Is it right that human beings have the
power to decide who lives and who dies. Is Asleen morally right in blaming
her husband?

E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?
Asleen will do whatever it takes to save Junjei, even if it means
she has to ventue into the mortuary to find the notebooks that contains
the formula.

F. Empathetic: Why do we care?
Asleen is pregnant and maybe this baby may need saving; Jungei is a
good man and has gone so far as to taking himself to the brink in order to
prove if the formula works.

Raven Sullivan Jones

A. Role in the show: The initial antagonist. She will do anything to
please the Master as he saved her from her drug addiction and allowed her
to bring in the Sullies, brother and sister street kids. She will do
whatever it takes to help him get a hold of the notebook so they can make
the formula which will make him a fortune.

B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: She was an RN addicted to drugs. Her
secret is she is still addicted but trying hard to stay clean. Will do
what he asks to protect the Sullies who she named. She uses SULLIE as a
nod to who she used to be…Raven Sullivan, daughter of a magic man who
betrayed the Master by stealing one of his mantras and using it to learn
to disappear.

C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface? She learned the disappear
mantra from her father before he abandoned her. She’s never used it even
though is a well known tool the Master shares with many, indlucing Junjei.

[Elizabeth Appell]

I’m not getting any of the lessons! I’ve tried contacting you several times! Can you help?

Thank you,

Elizabeth

[Elizabeth Appell]

I agree to the confidential agreement outlined by Screenwriting U.

Elizabeth Appell

[Elizabeth Appell]

Hello, Wrters,

I’m Elizabeth Appell. I’ve taken several classes at Screenwriting U including the Pro Series (a long time ago) and Binge Writing (also a long time ago!)

I’ve written a bunch of scripts. Some have landed at various levels in competitions.

What’s special about me: I have a geographic tongue!

I hope to be able to turn ChatGBT into my personal writing room.

I’m very much looking forward to taking this class.

Onward!

[Elizabeth Appell]

Mod 4., Lesson 13 — Introducing main characters

(This introduces a main character that gets killed early in the story. Much of the plot revolves around who killed him)

FADE IN: TEASER INT. LIVING ROOM OF SMALL APARTMENT – NIGHT CHRISTIAN SAVAGE, 50, grizzled, his grey hair tousled, a man ground down by all that life has thrown at him, sits on a stained couch, bleary-eyed in this dim living room. He empties a scotch bottle into a mug and then dribbles the last drops of the bottle into his mouth. Blows over the bottle and makes a long, lonely SOUND. The doorbell BUZZES. SAVAGE Go away. The only light in the room comes from the street. Savage’s head lolls back and he closes his eyes. Again the doorbell BUZZES. SAVAGE (CONT’D) Nobody’s here Goddamnit. Go away. The doorbell BUZZES, this time an insistent, nasty vibration. SAVAGE (CONT’D) Christ, would you stop! A more persevering BUZZ. He bangs the mug down so hard, whatever scotch is left splashes out. He climbs out of the couch, staggers to the door. Doesn’t bother to check the peephole, but unlocks the door, opens it wide. SAVAGE (CONT’D) You. He stumbles back into the kitchen. The LABORED BREATH of the person who just entered. Then the CLINK of glass hitting ceramic when gloved hands empties a small POUR into Savage’s mug. Savage manages to come back, puts a half empty liquor bottle on the table. Picks up his mug, knocks it back. Adds another thumb or two of liquor into his mug. HUMS approval. He sways. SAVAGE (CONT’D) What do you…what do…you…want? Savage crouches to sit back on the couch but falters. Slides down to the floor. Doesn’t spill a drop. He picks up the mug, Swallows what’s left. Even more rummy. Belches as if he’s going to vomit. Sniffs the contents of the mug. SAVAGE (CONT’D) What the…what the fuck… He looks up to see the eye of a gun barrel coming close. Then. It presses against his forehead. He tries to knock it away. His hands don’t work. Deafening CRACK. Blinding vortex. END OF TEASER

(This scene introduces Lane and Marta Baer, two main characters and what their state of minds are in the beginning)

ACT ONE EXT. AT THE MAILBOX – DAY

SCREEN BLACK. THEN BRIGHT LIGHT FILLS THE FRAME A hand comes in. We see it is entering a mailbox. It grabs the pile of envelopes and pulls out. Door closes. BLACK. LANE BAER, 40ish, once uncommonly handsome, ignoring the rain, riffles through the mail. BAER Fucking bills. INT. BAER LIVING ROOM – DAY Baer enters, towel drying his abundant hair. Slouches on the couch, a bottle of Beefeater in one hand, a wad of manuscript pages in the other. He tosses the bills. Some land on the coffee table, some on the couch, some on the floor. Baer fills a jelly jar with gin, knocks it back. Suddenly MARTA BAER, late 30ies, a plain jane with a healthy potential of pretty hovering just beneath the surface stands in front of him. BAER I didn’t hear you come in. MARTA Looks like you’ve had a challenging day. Baer flings the typed pages. BAER Every freaking page…stinko. Marta gathers the bills. BAER (CONT’D) Leave them. MARTA We can’t ignore/ BAER Just leave them. She tentatively puts ‘em down. Picks up the manuscript pages. BAER (CONT’D) I can’t find it. MARTA Find what? BAER The story. Any story. I’m dry. As a bone.

(This scene introduces the sub world in which most of the plot unfolds. It’s a posh private girl’s school in Berkeley, California)

EXT. PARKING NEAR THE SCHOOL He pulls out of the car, shivers. He turns a corner, stops. Vomits into a stand of bushes. Wipes his mouth with a smooth wet leaf. When he steps off the curb, a damp, dirty mutt follows him into the street. BAER Hey there, dog. Going my way? He reaches down to touch the dog and it shies, heads straight into traffic. A car clips its back leg. ASSHOLE IN CAR Put a leash on your Goddamn dog. The car squeals away and the dog collapses. Baer picks up the whimpering animal. Holds him away from him trying to keep his clothes from getting trashed. Half way up the block he stops. In front of him looms a weathered, gabled fortress. INSERT SIGN: Caroline Russell Brown School for Girls, 1905. EXT. SCHOOL COMPOUND – DAY The school spreads out over a city block. I’s three-storied shingled buildings are covered with winter vines of wisteria. They stand at the perimeter of a cement quad. Lush bushes and grasses grace the area. A sign reading “Chapel” hangs over the doors of a free-standing building in the same style as the others. Baer lays the WHIMPERING dog on the ground under an overhang. BAER We’ll figure it out, boy. But first there’s the freaking interview. The Chapel doors CRACK open. He turns. The face of an ethnic looking beauty peeks out at him and then she quickly closes the doors. EXT. STAIRS – DAY Stairs lead to the second floor. At the top, the glass door lettered in a black Gothic style reads: “MARGARET GILGOOD, PhD, HEADMISTRESS”

(This scene introduces Paige, Lane and Marta’s extremely precocious daughter)

INT. BAER KITCHEN – DAY Marta, wrapped in an old chenille robe, her hair pulled back with a rubber band, carelessly plops down a box of cereal, spoons and bowls, and a quart of milk in the middle of the table. BAER enters, showered, dressed in business attire, tie slack, followed by Paige. MARTA I haven’t seen you dressed up for weeks. What’s up? PAIGE He’s going to teach literature at that fancy school for rich sluts. The one where the girl was shot and killed. Paige slips into a seat. Both Marta and Baer abruptly turn to her, watch her shake cereal into her bowl. BAER Where did you get that information? PAIGE I heard you on the phone. BAER I mean about the shooting? MARTA Somebody was killed? Paige stuffs her mouth with Cheerios. Marta turns her back and looks out the kitchen window. Rain spits at the pane. MARTA (CONT’D) When were you going to tell me about it? BAER The shooting? MARTA No. The job. INT. VINTAGE 1992 VOLVO WAGON – DAY The three Baers ride for several blocks in silence. BAER This job could be the break we need. Paige can go to the school for practically nothing. Teaching will pay the bills and allow me the time to write the novel. Won’t be long and you can go back to freelance editing. Silence returns. Marta wears what she calls her work uniform: black slacks, silk blouse and raincoat. Her hair knotted into a bun at the back of her neck. She gazes out the window. Baer glances over at Marta. BAER (CONT’D) Be sure you eat. Don’t let Jericho work you through lunch. Marta doesn’t respond. Paige leans forward from the backseat. PAIGE He’s trying to look out for you, Mom. Marta glances over her shoulder at Paige and then resumes looking out the window. The skies open. Baer flicks on the window wipers. PAIGE (CONT’D) I bet there’s a ton of women who would give their left tit if their husbands worried about them eating lunch. MARTA Thanks you for your inappropriate observation.

[Elizabeth Appell]

She tugs the bag out from under the bed, opens to expose a revolver and a small cardboard box containing three bullets.

The door opens. Paige looks puzzled.

PAIGE

What are you doing on the floor?

Marta quickly pushes the bag back under the bed and holds the gun behind her back.

[Elizabeth Appell]

Binge Worthy – Mod. 4, Lesson 8, AttackCunterattack

Elizabeth’s Dialog 1+2 – Looking for these subtle changes makes every character more interesting, therefore strengthens the scene.

PAIGE I didn’t know we have company. Marta, jacketed in the effect of the scotch, looks longingly at Christian for a long beat. PAIGE (CONT’D) Mommy! Marta comes to. MARTA Paige, dear. What is it? Paige leans against the door jamb. Christian stands, extends his hand to Paige. She doesn’t take it. CHRISTIAN SAVAGE I came by to meet with your daddy, but I guess the muse must have struck. He’s working late at school. PAIGE Why didn’t you talk to him there? CHRISTIAN SAVAGE Well, I…I wanted to have a private conversation with him. PAIGE Doesn’t the school have doors that close? CHRISTIAN SAVAGE Yes, of course. It’s just that I wanted to– PAIGE Whatever. Christian steps toward Paige. Clearly he admires her. PAIGE (CONT’D) Mama, I need to talk to you. Paige keeps her eyes on Christian. CHRISTIAN SAVAGE I should be leavin’ He makes a formal bow to Marta, touches Paige’s shoulder. Paige rolls her shoulder away from his hand. CHRISTIAN SAVAGE (CONT’D) Don’t worry, ladies. I can find my way out. He heads for the exit. CHRISTIAN SAVAGE (CONT’D) Oh, Paige, in case you didn’t know. You have an extraordinary mama. Marta smiles and watches him as he slips out of the house. INT. KITCHEN Marta washes and dries the glasses. Staring at her mother, Paige speaks around devouring her cuticle. PAIGE What were you doing holding hands with Pear Head? Marta tugs Paige’s finger out of her mouth. MARTA We weren’t holding hands. PAIGE I saw you. MARTA Don’t be ridiculous. PAIGE I know exactly what I saw. It was disgusting. You and that creep! God, he looks like a partially baked loaf of white bread. MARTA Stop it! Marta slams a glass down on the tile counter. Glass explodes. Blood combines with puddles of water and spreads. She grabs a paper towel and wraps it around her hand. MARTA (CONT’D) We were just talking. That’s all. He was…he was…listening to me. PAIGE Yeah, well, if the weirdo listened to me the way he listens to you, I’ll bet my autographed Stones album I was saying something freaking juicy. Paige picks up pieces of glass. MARTA You’re wrong. Paige continues to pick up pieces of glass. MARTA (CONT’D) Paige! Paige look at me. Paige stops. MARTA (CONT’D) I don’t want you to say anything about this to your father. He’s got enough on his mind with the new job and the book deadline. PAIGE How touching.. So concerned you don’t want Daddy to know you were making goo-goo eyes with that fat turd. A flash of anger. Marta slaps Paige across her face. PAIGE (CONT’D) I hate you! Marta reaches for Paige, but Paige pulls away. MARTA I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to strike you. I’m sorry. Marta steps toward Paige but Paige backs up. MARTA (CONT’D) You mustn’t say anything. You’d only upset him and I don’t want him to be hurt. PAIGE I’m the last person in this house who would do anything to hurt Daddy. Paige flies out of the room. Her door SLAMS. Immediaely loud METALLIC MUSIC rumbles in her room. Marta pulls off the paper towel. The slash in her palm is deep. She thrusts it under the running faucet. Strands of blood shimmy down the drain MARTA My beautiful Lane.

[Elizabeth Appell]

This section, ACTS FOUR AND FIVE came easily, thanks to outline and all the foot work learning the ins and outs of the characters. This section definitely takes these characters to the point of no return. It’s a bit long. Needs an edit.

[Elizabeth Appell]

i Learned that speed writing really works. I also learned that writing to that open loop at the end of the act is helpful

ACT THREE

EXT. BAER BUNGALOW – DAY

Marta scurries up the steps and slips inside.

INT. BATHROOM – DAY

Marta changes into a thin robe. Stashes her bag of makeup under the sink. Holds her temples trying to contain the pain. Gags, spits into the toilet. Downs a Relpax.

Looks at herself in the mirror.

MARTA

You’re pathetic.

Downstairs sound of front door CLOSING. She freezes. Who could that be? Paige is at school and Lane is at the interview.

INT. BEDROOM

She grabs the telephone. Dead. She walks in a confused circle. Stops. (Beat)

Frantically searches Lane’s night table, then hers. Nothing.

MARTA

Where is it?

INT. CLOSET

She searches bags and duffles.

FOOTSTEPS on the stairs.

BACK IN THE BEDROOM

Looks around. Falls to her knees, lifts the bed skirt.

FOOTSTEPS COMING CLOSER.

There it is. Under the bed. A small canvas bag.

THE DOOR HANDLE TURNS

She tugs the bag out from under the bed, opens to expose a revolver and a small cardboard box containing three bullets.

The door opens. Paige looks puzzled.

PAIGE

What are you doing on the floor?

Marta quickly pushes the bag back under the bed and holds the gun behind her back.

MARTA

Why aren’t you at school?

PAIGE

Did you forget? Counseling day. Can you tell I’ve been counseled? Ask me anything. Why am I here? What is my purpose?

She tosses her hair over her shoulder.

PAIGE (CONT’D)

And you are on the floor because?

Marta rises.

MARTA

I was…I…I dropped my pill. I was looking for it.

Marta sits on the bed, slips the gun under the unmade covers.

MARTA (CONT’D)

I’m going to rest. I’ll go back to the bank after lunch. I’d appreciate it if you keep the volume of your music down.

Paige’s sullenly stares at her mother. Marta looks back until Paige closes the door.

EXT. 1992 VOLVO WAGON – DAY

Baer drives back to their house listening to some up-beat music. He drums out the beat on the steering wheel. Sings a line of a lyric here and there.

Makes a hard left into the driveway, hits the remote, the door rises and in he goes.

INT. BUNGALOW LIVING ROOM

Baer tosses his keys on a table. Goes to a bookshelf.

BAER

Bovary…Bovary…where are you?

He hears MUSIC. He takes the stairs two at a time.

PAIGE’S ROOM

He gently KNOCKS. No answer. Peeks in.

The room has been hit by a small tornado. Paige sleeps on the bed, clutching her teddy bear and flushed in innocence, despite the highly sexual Calvin Klein posters on the walls. He tucks a blanket around her shoulders.

BEDROOM

The shades are drawn. Marta lies on the bed. Gently he sits down next to her.

MARTA

When did you get home?

Silence. On the side table there’s a stack of books. Madame Bovary sits on the top of the pile on which perches a small framed Photograph. Baer picks up the photo to retrieve the book.

Marta takes the picture from him. It’s a photo of her wearing her cap and gown and Masters regalia. She runs a finger over the gown.

Baer thumbs through Bovary.

MARTA (CONT’D)

It was the day we found out I was pregnant.

She puts the photo back face down on the table and sits up. Pulls her hair away from her face.

MARTA (CONT’D)

What? Two weeks later. The call.

She sits up a little higher.

MARTA (CONT’D)

From the The New Yorker. The offer. The job I would kill for.

BAER

Will you ever forgive me?

MARTA

I said we’ll have the baby. The three of us will move to New York. As a writer, that’s where you should be anyway. But no. Lane Baer refused to live in the east. You said the weather’s hard. The people are hard. I don’t want my child to grow up in a hard place.

Marta pulls the covers up.

MARTA (CONT’D)

For months I tried to convince you to move to New York. But you. You had to stay in California. When I felt that first kick of life, I gave up. Simply gave up.

BAER

No, that’s not exactly–

MARTA

Yes, exactly. City Hall. Holding hands. God, that minister or whatever he was. Dead white skin and swimmy eyes.

Baer stands, paces. She watches him.

BAER

We need to stop picking at each other.

MARTA

I thought you had an appointment.

Her fingers press her temples.

BAER

I did. I do.

He reaches over and rights the photo.

BAER.

Good news. I got the job.

She sucks in her breath.

MARTA

Good. Great.

She looks away.

MARTA (CONT’D)

This job. Do you think it will change things for us?

He kicks off his shoes, loosens his tie, and climbs onto the bed. She reaches for him.

MARTA (CONT’D)

Let’s play the game. Tell me.

He nestles close.

BAER

You’re beautiful.

MARTA

Inside. You mean I’m beautiful inside.

He turns her head toward him and peers into her eyes.

BAER

You’re my beautiful Marta.

He pulls her close, kisses her cheek, her neck. His hand brushes over her breast. A faint GROAN purrs from deep inside and she moves closer to him.

MARTA

My back aches.

He turns her onto her stomach and massages her back. He becomes aroused. Tugs off her panties. Lowers his zipper. Enters her, gently pushing, gently, gently. She’s slow to join in the dance. Without warning she stiffens and lets out a thin, dry HISS.

MARTA (CONT’D)

Get off me.

He releases her.

BAER

Jesus, Marta.

MARTA

I’m sorry, Lane. It’s just…

They lie on their backs next to one another. He shifts away from her when something hard cuts into his side.

BAER

What the hell?

He digs into the blankets, draws out his revolver. The box of bullets tumbles onto the sheet.

MARTA

Don’t be angry. I thought I heard somebody breaking in. Lately with all the break-ins…I…I found your gun.

BAER

When you figured out there was no intruder you climbed in to bed with my Saturday Night Special?

MARTA

I have a migraine. I need to sleep.

Baer swings his legs off the bed and plants his feet on the floor.

BAER

Did you know Paige is home?

She nods.

BAER (CONT’D)

Did you know she has a boyfriend?

MARTA

No, but I’m not surprised.

He stands, stows the gun in his waistband, the bullets in his pocket.

BAER

I’m going to take care of you and Paige.

She squints into the distance. He turns her face toward him.

BAER (CONT’D)

Are you all right?

MARTA

Yes. I’m fine.

He picks up the telephone.

MARTA (CONT’D)

It’s dead.

The dial tone HUMS.

BAER

I’m suppose to go back to the school today. Maybe I’ll call and put it off until you’re–

Marta takes the phone from him, listens. Hears the HUM. She slams it down.

MARTA

I’m fine. Don’t compromise the job. Go.

INT. BATHROOM – DAY

Baer tosses cold water over his face, studies himself in the mirror. She stands in the doorway.

MARTA

What’re you thinking?

BAER

Just wondering how things got so fucked up.

She grimaces.

BAER (CONT’D)

Have to go.

INT. FRONT DOOR – DAY

He turns to leave then steps back, draws her close, their foreheads touch. He kisses her palm.

BAER

Everything’s coming up roses.

As he hurries out he straightens his tie, hikes his pants. The gun.

INT. ENTRY HALL – DAY

Baer casts about for a place to stow the gun. Opens the coat closet. Where to hide it? Ah, yes.

He leans down and stashes the gun and bullets deep into the toe of the right hiking boot, then stuffs in a thick sock.

He feels Marta’s gaze. He ducks back into the closet and pulls out an umbrella.

MARTA

I’ve never know you to carry an umbrella.

BAER

You’ve never known me to want a job as much as I want this one. The rain. I have to look sharp for the meeting.

At the front door, he looks back and points at her.

BAER (CONT’D)

No more shenanigans?

MARTA

No more shenanigans.

BAER

Promise?

MARTA

Promise.

He blows her a kiss and dashes for the garage. She hears the Volvo START UP. The car charges out.

Marta closes the door. A long hesitation. Then she goes into the coat closet. Fresh finger marks stripe the dust on Lane’s hiking boot. She feels inside, pulls out the sock, and cocks the boot toward the light. There at the bottom of the boot lodges the gun. Dead black. She doesn’t touch it. Instead she replaces the sock, and closes the closet door.

[Elizabeth Appell]

Subject line: Elizabeth Appell – Finished Act 2 (place in first line)

I wrote this scene before I went to the hospital due to the stroke. Now going back is quite remarkable. I have reread it again. And Maybe again. Speed writing is interesting. It’s like a part of me I didn’t know about bubbles up.

[Elizabeth Appell]

Mod 4, Lesson 2 – Act One

I learned that writing fast gets the job done, especially if perfection doesn’t get involved. Now that I’m in Act One I’m paying attention to the “open Loop.” I’ll need to do some work on it when I go back to rewrite.

[Elizabeth Appell]

Mod 4, Lesson 1 – High Speed Writing + Teaser

I learned to give myself permission to write fast and leave behind the stickiness of perfection!

FADE IN: INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

CHRISTIAN SAVAGE, 50, grizzled, his grey hair tousled, a man ground down by all that life has thrown at him, sits bleary-eyed in his messy, dim living room. He empties a scotch bottle into a mug and then dribbles the last drops of the bottle into his mouth. Blows over the bottle and makes a deep, lonely SOUND. The doorbell BUZZES.

SAVAGE: Go away.

The only light in the room comes from the street. Savage’s head lolls back and he closes his eyes. Again, the doorbell BUZZES.

SAVAGE (CONT’D): Nobody’s here God damnit. Go away.

The doorbell BUZZES, this time a long, nasty vibration.

SAVAGE (CONT’D): Christ, would you stop!

Another long insistent BUZZ.

He bangs the mug down so hard, scotch splashes out. He climbs out of the couch, staggers to the door. Doesn’t bother to checks the peephole, and unlocks the door, opens it wide and simultaneously wheels around without looking to see who is there.

Staggers back to the couch, crouches to sit, but falters. Slides down to the floor. Belches as if he’s going to vomit.

He picks up the mug. Looks in it and sniffs. SAVAGE (CONT’D): What the fuck…

He looks up to see the eye of a gun barrel coming close. Then. It presses against his forehead. Deafening CRACK. Blinding vortex. SCREEN GOES BLACK.

[Elizabeth Appell]

Binge Worthy – Mod. 3 Lesson 10 – Beat Sheet

I’ve learned how helpful these outlining techniques can be.

• A story = Lane Baer, writer doesn’t find the story he’s desperate for until he’s accused of murder.

• B story = Marta, his wife. Paige, his daughter.

• C story = Christian Savage, history teacher who is murdered, Leylah Hafez, senior student wanting to seduce Baer, Margaret Gilgood, head mistress of school

• Other relationships = Destry Baer, Lane’s father, Faron Jones, Paige’s boyfriend

Teaser

INT. SAVAGE’S APARTMENT – DAY

Doorbell rings, he lets in the visitor who kills him.

Act 1

EXT. MAILBOX – DAY

Hands pull out mail

INT. BAER BUNGALOW – DAY

Lane Baer depressed, and drunk tosses bills he got from mailbox

Marta returns home, tries to give Lane encouragement

INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT

Baer has dream of slitting throat of his agent.

Baer and Marta try to have sex. Baer can’t have erection.

INT. KITCHEN – DAY

Paige announces Lane going for interview at school where a student was shot and killed by police.

INT. VOLVO – DAY

Baer drives Marta to work, Paige to school. Paige tells him again about shooting. Paige is greeted by young stud, maybe four years older. He greets her and they breakaway from the crowd of kids. This concerns Baer.

Act 2

EXT. SIDEWALK – DAY

Baer walks to interview at school. Nervous. Vomits in the bushes.

EXT. STREET – SAME TIME

A dog follows him, gets clip by car. He picks up the animal and moves him to a safe place.

INT. GILGOOD’S SCHOOL OFFICE – DAY

EXT. SCHOOL QUAD

Sees dark-haired girl with necklace watching him from window on Second Story.

FLASHBACK: Baer’s father, DESTRY BAER, dismisses his son’s talent. They wrangle, Baer falls, cuts his forehead.

After slightly rancorous interview, Gilgood hires Bare on temporary basis. She types every word he speaks.

EXT. CHAPEL DOORS

Baer sees exotic girl with necklace he saw in window.

INT. BANK – DAY

Marta feels migraine coming on. Has no medication.

INT. DRUG STORE – DAY

Marta gets sidetracked by cosmetic salesperson, has makeover. With makeup she’s no longer a plain jane but becomes a brazen, sexy woman.

INT. ALLEY – DAY

Marta removes makeup before going home.

Act 3

INT. BAER MASTER BEDROOM – DAY

Marta undresses to lie down. Hears what she thinks is an intruder.

Looks for Lane’s gun. Finds it under the bed.

Door opens: It’s Paige. “What are you doing on the floor?”

Marta hides gun in bed covers.

ADDED SCENE: Paige exits. Stuffs her bed with pillows to make it look like she’s sleeping. Sneaks out of her room. Meets up with Faron Jones.

Lane comes home. Announces he got the job. Crawls in bed with Mart. She wants to play their sex game. Lane finds the gun.

INT. CLOSET – DAY

Baer hides gun in boot.

Act 4

EXT. SCHOOL COMPOUND – DAY

Gilgood gives Baer Tour of school. Introduces him to ETHEL REMMETER, house mother of boarding department.

Meets CHRISTIAN SAVAGE, history teacher.

INT. BAER’S SCHOOL OFFICE – DAY

Working on novel. Struggling to find the story. Finds note and copy of his published novel asking for his autograph. Signed, Leylah Hafez.

INT. LITERATURE CLASSROOM – DAY

Baer meets Leylah. She’s very seductive. He tells her to make an office appointment.

Gilgood enters classroom. Wants him not to teach Madam Bovary.

INT. THESIS PUB – DAY

Savage warns Baer’s to watch his back. Girls and Gilgood are dangerous.

Confides about death of baby and his divorce.

Also confides about his tryst w/Gilgood

Baer invites Savage home for dinner. He accepts.

INT. BAER KITCHEN – NIGHT

Marta doesn’t want to cook for company.

FLASHBACK: The first date Marta goes to Lane’s apartment. He cooks for her while she edits his ms. They are so taken with each other, they have sex. Marta’s first time.

INT. BAER’S SCHOOL OFFICE – EARLY MORNING

Baer works. Leylah enters. The conversation becomes very seductive. She tells him she’s Persian. She says she’d die for him.

Gilgood enters. Warns Baer. Says she can make it that he can never teach again.

INT. VOLVO – LATE AFTERNOON

Baer day dreams about Leylah’s hands on his chest.

INT. BAER BUNGALOW – EVENING

Baer arrives. House ready for Savage’s visit. Dinner, flowers, Marta’s new personality enters wearing a red dress.

Much flirting goes on between Marta and Savage. Upsetting to Paige.

INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT

Baer wants to know if Marta is attracted. They banter. Paige hears them. Asks if they are going to get a divorce. Marta strongly denies it.

Page: I don’t like that man, Savage. Daddy, he’s going to make you very sad.

End of pilot/Episode One.

[Elizabeth Appell]

Mod 3, Lesson 9 – Set Ups for Future Episodes

I learned that even if I’ve completed outlining my Pilot, I can still add new events to make it more interesting and intriguing.

ASSIGNMENT:

1. Go to your TV Pitch Bible: Look at the future episodes, five seasons, and character descriptions. Go to your BW Framework: Look at all the info there.

2. Make a list of events/character reveals/under-the-surface info that COULD be set up in the pilot. Just use the obvious ones. You don’t need to create the entire season right now.

3. Decide which you are going to include in the pilot.

4. Fill those into the Outline and tell us which ones you are going to use.

Possible events that COULD e set up in the pilot.

1. Lane suspects something dark going on with Margaret Gilgood

2. Paige steals Marta’s gold bracelet. Leaves is at Savage’s apartment after the tussle with him.

3. Lane “hooked’ into relationship with Leylah.

4. Paige confides in her boyfriend, Faron Jones, how she’s going “to get” Savage” and punish him for not staying away from her mother.

5. Leylah refuses to give up the relationship with Lane.

I probably will add #2: Paige steals Marta’s gold bracelet. Leaves is at Savage’s apartment after the tussle with him and use it in the Pilot.

6. Also might use #4: Paige confides in her boyfriend, Faron Jones, how she’s going “to get” Savage” and punish him for not staying away from her mother.

[Elizabeth Appell]

Mod. 3, Lesson 8 – Building in Distress and Empathy

I found this a difficult exercise. I think I’m too embedded in my original story.

ASSIGNMENT:

1. Look through your outline and see if any of these as a bigger frame for your story, or if you already have it in the story, can you emphasize or expand it:

These apply only to the one-hour Pilot script for ELEMENTS OF BETRAYAL

A. Crucible

Page 3 – Lane Baer is strangling from being financially strapped

Page 4 – Lane desperate for a story to meet publisher’s deadline

Emotional Dilemma

Page 5 – Lane can’t have an erection.

Betrayal

Page 15 – Marta has make-over which changes her from a timid woman to a sexy, aggressive woman who is no longer a plain jane. We see her change as she applies the cosmetics.

Forced Decision

So needy for a new story concept, he discovers the 18-year-old Laylah Hafez somehow serves as a muse. When she’s in the room, his imagination flourishes. She soon learns she has this power.

Exposed

Savage needs to confide in Lane about the death of his baby daughter and divorce of his wife.

Must make decision with Future Consequences

Lane must take a strong stand to teach the way he thinks is best. That means, despite, what Margaret Gilgood thinks of his process, he will remain true to his students.

2. Looking at your scenes, are there places you can create situations to cause more Empathy/Distress?

Step 1: Check each scene to see if you can build any of these forms of Empathy/Distress into them.

Undeserved misfortune:

Lane’s father, a successful autobiographer, plays down Lane’s choice to write fiction and cruelly criticizes the books that was published five years ago. When Lane has physical battle with his father and wins, his father has a new perspective of his son.

External character conflicts

Margaret Gilgood doesn’t trust Lane with the girls. He’s too good looking and they are all gaga over him. She warns him not to cross the line with any of the girls.

Plot intruding on life

Lane discovers his wife, Marta, is attracted to Christian Savage.

Plans that failed

Lane thinks he can teach and write his novel. Even though his muse, Leylah seems to provoke him to write, he still can’t land the concept that will light the book on fire. That is until later in the story when Christian Savage is murdered.

Plans that failed

Lane doesn’t want his daughter to come into Marta and his bedroom. She acts like a little girl and come scrambling in. He shows her empathy when he learns that she came into to tell him/them that her boyfriend had left.

Witnessing the pain of others

Marta invites Savage over again. She likes his presence. Lane discovers this.

Extreme consequences

Marta is tempted to have an affair with Savage. She fears she’ll hurt Lane.

Major loss

Paige considers leaving home with 20-year-old man.

Brings their wound present

Step 2: Make those situations even worse.

Make it more painful

Marta finds Lane in the backyard smoking a foreign cigarette. She forces him to tell her about Leylah.

Raises the stakes

Gilgood and Savage have a battle in her office. Savage leaves their relationship.

Time this to be at the worst moment

Gilgood so angry at Savage she takes it out on Lane. She goes to slap him across the face, but he stops her. She’s humiliated.

[Elizabeth Appell]

I learned that I have to reposition where my acts fall.

Mod 3, Lesson 7 – Mysteries and Open Loops

ASSIGNMENT

1. Look through your current outline and find opportunities for at least 5 Open Loops and 5 Mysteries either in the plot or about the characters.

List them like this:

1 – Main Mystery:

Who killed Christian Savage, the history teacher?

Sub-Mysteries:

Will Lane over come his depression about not earning enough money?

Will Lane find the story he needs to meet his publisher’s deadline?

Will Lane Baer get the job at the girl’s school?

Who is the boy that greets Paige when she arrives at school?

Will Lane ever see the mongrel dog again?

2 – Main Mystery

How will Marta’s personality change affect her relationship with Christian Savage and her family?

Sub-Mysteries:

How will Marta reveal her second persona when she puts on the make-up?

How will Paige relate to her mother, the Painted Marta?

How will Marta approach Savage when she shows up as the Painted Marta?

Will Lane become attracted to the Painted Marta?

Did the Painted Marta kill Savage?

3 – Main Mystery

Will Lane’s gun become the murder weapon?

Sub-Mysteries:

Did Marta get Lane’s gun out to protect from what she thinks is an intruder?

When Paige enters, why does Marta hide the gun?

What does Lane do when he finds the gun in bed?

What does Marta do when she sees Lane hide the gun?

Why does she make sure her fingerprints are on the gun?

4- Main Mystery

Sub-Mysteries:

Will Leylah Hafez succeed in seducing Lane?

Will Lane figure out why he can write when Leylah is in the room?

Will Leylah confide in Lane regarding why she hasn’t been going to school?

When Margaret Gilgood, head mistress, trust Lane?

Will Margaret Gilgood fire Lane for fraternizing with a student?

5 – Main Mystery

Will Lane follow Christian Savage’s warning regarding the dangers of the females at the school?

Will Christian Savage accept Lane’s invitation to come have dinner with his family?

Will Lane convince Marta to prepare a home cooked meal for Savage?

Will Marta respond to Savage’s flirting?

How will Paige respond to Savage?

Focusing on Marta’s personality change when she applies the make-up adds an important layer to her and to everyone with whom she comes into contact.

The finding of the gun raises the stakes significantly.

[Elizabeth Appell]

Binge Worthy – Mod 3, Lesson 6 Stacking intrigue to get to the Turning point

I learned I need to figure out the turning points first and then stack the intriguing reasons they are important.

ASSIGNMENT:

1. Make a list of your turning points.

• Act 1

 Strange behavior: Lane depressed and drinking due to financially strapped/can’t find a story for second book



 Hidden Agenda: Lane Baer announces he has an interview for a teaching job a girl’s school

 Intrigue: Lane has dream about slitting his agent’s throat

 Accusation: Paige heard about student killed at school where Lane is going for an interview

 Turning Point: A girl is killed at the girl’s school. She is the sister of the character who is obsessed with Lane.

• Act 2

 Strange Behavior: Dog follows Lane into street. Car clips it. Lane carries it to safety.

 Hidden Agenda: Gilgood desperate for a teacher. Hires Baer.

 Mystery: A girl watches Baer from second floor.

 Intrigue: Flashback of Destry Baer, the father, hard on Baer’s writing.

 Wound: Marta leaves bank with on-coming migraine.



 Turning point: Hidden Layer: Marta has make-over. Becomes a different personality.

• Act 3

 Mystery: Marta thinks there is an intruder in the house.

 Strange Behavior: Looks for Lane’s gun.

 Hidden Agenda: Paige comes home early. Finds mother hiding something.

 Hidden Agenda: Lane comes home, crawls in bed. Finds gun.

 Turning Point: Mystery: Lane hides gun. Marta watches him.

•

•

• Act 4

Intriguing World: Gilgood gives Baer tour of school

Mystery: Baer sees girl on third Floor landing. Who is she?

Secret Identity: Somebody leaves request for book to be autographed. Who?

Hidden Layer: Gilgood demands Baer drop Bovary from syllabus.

Strange Behavior: When Leylah is in the room, the words come to Baer.

Turning Point: Intrigue: Savage warns Baer to watch his back with girls and Gilgood.

• Act 5

Strange behavior: Leylah comes on very strong trying to seduce Baer.

Accusation: Gilgood threatens Baer about crossing the line with students.

Hidden Layer: Savage comes to dinner. Attracted to Marta.

Secret: Lane jealous of Marta.

Turning Point: Intrigue: Paige hates Savage. “He’s scary. Daddy, he’s going to make you sad.

[Elizabeth Appell]

Mod3, Lesson 4 – Character Story Lines

I learned that every exercise brings up more events as well more problems that need to be solved in the telling of this story.

Lane Baer’s Story Line

Beginning:

Baer begins depressed. He’s financially strapped, his wife Marta is aloof, and her insecurities affect them both, Paige is her usual precocious self, and the publisher’s deadline for his second novel is breathing down his neck. He’s written over a hundred pages but he’s not happy with them. He hears about a job teaching literature at a posh girl’s school.

Turning Point 1:

He interviews and gets hired at the Caroline Russell Brown School for Girls. The head mistress, Margaret Gilgood is a hellion on wheels. This is not going to be an easy gig, but it does provide him with a much-needed paycheck.

Midpoint:

His first day of school he meets Leylah Hafez, a senior in his lit class. She is beautiful and exotic, and she is immediately enamored with him.

Turning Point 2:

Baer is befriended by Christian Savage, the history teacher, who is suffering the loss of his baby girl to SIDS, and a divorce from his wife, Naomi. As an act of kindness, Baer invites him home for Sunday dinner.

Major Conflict:

Savage is murdered. All three Baers cross his path on the day he’s murdered leaving evidence that one of the three, or Margaret Gilgood could have killed him.

The World Has Changed:

He and Marta are considered persons of interest. Their eccentric little family life is crushed.

Marta Baer’s Story Line

Beginning:

Marta is insecure and depressed. She contrives a “game” to play with Lane manipulating him to telling her she’s beautiful and smart.

Turning Point 1:

While working at the bank she suffers a migraine which is common for her. She needs medication. She takes some time off to go to the drugstore. There she is sidetracked by the cosmetic sales lady who convinces she needs a make-over. She looks in the mirror. She’s stunned. No longer is she a plain jane. Now she’s a sexy, sultry woman. She’s tests out her new personality on a young man she comes across on the street. He finds her attractive and tells her so. She decides to go home before going back to the bank, so she first removes the make-up.

Midpoint:

At home in the master bedroom, she takes her medication and prepares to lie down for a short rest. Someone enters the house. Paige is at school and Lane is at his interview. She’s frightened. Finds Lane’s gun. Paige walks in home early from consultation day at school. Marta hides the gun in the bedcovers. Paige goes to her room and Marta lies down. Lane returns. Climbs in bed with Marta. He finds the gun.

Turning Point 2:

Savage comes for dinner. Marta appears in full make-up and in a sexy red dress. It is clear Savage is attracted to her and she to him. Paige, who adores her father and is protective of him, immediately fosters a deep hate for Savage.

Major Conflict:

Paige sneaks out to Savage’s apartment to demand he stays away from her mother as he doesn’t want his father to be hurt. When he doesn’t take her seriously, she goes home and reports that he raped her.

The World Has changed:

At the neighborhood bar, Baer tromps in accusing Savage of raping his daughter. Savage denies even touching her. Baer threatens Savage physically and a patron has to pull Baer off of Savage. Marta goes to Savage’s apartment to ask him if it is true he raped Paige. Savage denies the accusation. Marta threatens him with the gun that accidentally goes off. Savage is unscathed.

Paige’s Story Line

Beginning:

Paige sixteen-year-old is surly and precocious. She has a boy friend who she is considering having her first experience of sex with him. She is glad her father got the job at the school, although she considers the girls he will be teaching as “rich sluts.” She loves her mother but doesn’t respect her. Hates that her mother spends days in bed with headaches. She’s aggressive when dealing with her parents.

Turning Point 1:

She finds her mother in the master bathroom dying her hair. She assumes this must mean Savage, or “Potato Head” which she calls him must be coming to dinner again. Her hackles are up. She must do something to keep him away from her mother.

Midpoint:

She goes to Savage’s apartment to warn him to stay away from her mother.

Turning Point 2:

Paige accuses Savage of raping her.

Major Conflict:

Her parents are logically deeply disturbed by her accusation.

The World Has Changed:

Her parents ground her and never take their eyes off her.

[Elizabeth Appell]

I learned how to rearrange events to create tension that leads to an open hook.

Binge Worthy – Mod 3, Lesson 3 – Creating Plot Structure

SERIES INFO FOR OZARK

• World: The dangerous world of Money Laundering for the Cartel.

• Main mystery: The history of Del and Marty.

• Impossible Goal: Launder $8 million in the Ozarks.

• Main Conflict: Del will kill them if they don’t. The FBI will arrest them if they do!

• Second Mystery: How are Marty and Wendy going to accomplish this when they hate each other?

• Season 1 Arc: From having his entire office killed and moving to the Ozarks to finally establishing himself there and brokering a deal with the local mob.

• Season 1 Protagonist Internal Journey: From disconnection to his family to reconciliation with his wife and a loving relationship with his kids.

1. Present the first draft of your pilot Acts.

Teaser:

• Essence: Savage, the history teacher opens the door, allows in a person he knows and is shot to death. Who shot him?

• Turning Point: Savage enters, drinks out of his mug, and collapses.

Act 1:

• Essence: Baer driving Marta to work at the bank and Page to school.

• Turning Point: Paige describes the shooting of the girl at the school.

Act 2:

• Essence: Baer goes to interview with Margaret Gilgood

• Turning Point/Midpoint: She hires him which sends him on his journey.

Act 3:

• Essence: Baer drinks with Savage who shares his sad story of baby’s death and divorce.

• Turning Point: Baer invites Savage home for Sunday dinner

Act 4:

• Essence: Baer meets Leylah

• Turning Point: Baer perceives that Leylah’s presence enhances his writing ability.

Act 5:

• Essence: Savage and Marta are attracted to one another. Paige threatens Savage to leave her mother alone. (Protecting her father)

• Lock In: Paige comes home and accuses Savage of raping her.

PILOT INFO FOR ELEMETS OF BETRAYAL

• Pilot Conflict: Baer takes job teaching literature where he becomes entwined with Leylah and Christian Savage.

Main Characters Introduced: Lane, Marta, Paige, Margaret Gilgood, Leylah Hafez, Christian Savage.

• Inciting Incident of Season 1: Lane Baer must take and keep teaching job as well as complete manuscript by the publisher’s deadline despite horrors of two shootings.

[Elizabeth Appell]

Mod 3 Lesson 1 BIG PICTURE COMPONENTS

What I learned: I thought the inciting incident was the murder of Christian Savage. No, I don’t think so. I think it is his desperate need to support his family which pushes him to take the job at the girl’s school. And that’s where things fall apart.

SERIES INFO:

• World: A posh girl’s school that has an underlining darkness, especially after the fatal shooting of one of the students.

• Main mystery: Who killed the history teacher, Christian Savage.

• Impossible Goal: Protect the daughter of Lane and Marta Baer from being accused of the murder.

• Main Conflict: Marta Baer turns herself in as the killer. If Lane protects her from the accusation, he may be accused.

• Second Mystery: How will Lane Baer be able to write his second novel which morphs into a murder mystery without implicating his daughter?

• Season 1 Arc: The Baer family go from being a quirky close little family to that of a family in which nobody trusts each other.

• Season 1 Protagonist Internal Journey: From being a failed mid-list writer to one willing to do whatever it takes to land as a bestseller author.

2. Tell us the basic Pilot Info:

PILOT INFO:

• Pilot Conflict: Lane Baer has two months to meet his publisher’s deadline while at the same time he must deal with the murder of Christian Savage.

• Characters Introduced: Lane Baer, Marta Baer, Paige Bare, Leylah Hafez, Margaret Gilgood, Christian Savage, Detective Pearl

•

• Inciting Incident of Season 1: Lane Baer financially strapped takes the job teaching literature at the posh girl’s school in which he becomes deeply embroiled with the murder of the history teacher.

[Elizabeth Appell]

The Chapel where Laylah first sees Lane.

Leylah just before she jumps.

One of the Caroline Russell Brown School buildings

“This job could be the brake we need.” Lane Baer

” I’ve never understood what he saw in me.” Marta Baer

A little something to calm the pain. He saw the eye of a gun barrel coming close.

“I like it best when it’s just you and me.” Paige Baer

“The kind of love you wrote about is the purest kind of love. “ Leylah Hafez

”These pretty things are so hungry they’ll eat you alive.” Christian Savage

“Stay away from the students.” Margaret Gilgood

Oh, oh…the photographs didn’t transfer. Damn. I spent hours!

[Elizabeth Appell]

Mod 2 Lesson 11 The Edited Pitch Bible

I learned I need to go back and do almost every lesson again!

Title:

Elements of Betrayal

Logline:

A novelist, desperate to keep his family’s heads above water, takes job teaching literature at a posh girl’s boarding school while at the same time franticly searches for an intriguing story to write to so he can fulfil his publisher’s deadline. The story doesn’t show itself until he’s accused of murdering the school’s history teacher.

Tone:

The story’s tone is dark, laced with a thin layer of hope. The Baer family, Lane, the papa bear, Marta, the mama bear, and Paige, the baby bear all have strong surface desires underpinned with concern for each other. The weather is cold and damp. The lighting is dim and shadowy. The sounds are those of winter: wind, the hiss of tires speeding down wet streets, the call of birds, dogs barking, footsteps muffled from the low hanging skies. Now and then the grim is punctuated by shards of metallic music played by Paige.

Characters:

Land Baer – mid-forties, a good-looking man. Think of a young Liam Neesom. He’s tall. Most have to look up to him. He’s bright and clever, but maybe not enough. He sometimes rages at God for passing out just enough talent to keep him slogging away at writing, but not enough to allow him to cross the line of literary success. He’s hungry for awards and financial gains. He loves his wife, Marta, but her aloofness both in their daily routines and well as when it comes to sex, leaves him lonely and vulnerable. Also, she is a very talented editor. When she puts her blue pencil to one of his manuscripts, the subtle changes she makes creates a piece that is elevated beyond what he could imagine. He adores his 16-year-old daughter, Paige, but often is astonished at her brash, impudent, and insolent manner. He tries gently to reign her in.

Marta Baer – late thirties, considers herself a plain jane. Her parents, simple people who ran a butcher shop, expect very little from their daughter. As a young girl she played by herself in a back room of the show. There she made up stories. She carved suet figures from the fat her father trimmed and had them play out her plots. When she reached senior status in high school, she secretly applied to the Stanford University for a scholarship. She won a full ride. Her father was against her going. “You’ll be with people who are above you.” Her mother encouraged her to go. On the day she left for the university, her mother stuffed a pile of one-hundred-dollar bills into her suitcase, money she had been saving for years. Her talent shone at Stanford. When she met Lane Baer in a creative writing seminar she fell in love. She initially attracted him by offering her editing skills to him. They spent a great deal of time together. Lane became attached to her. Finally, one night, they made love. That night she became pregnant.

Paige Baer – a beautiful teenage girl, still a bit gawky. She’s precocious, flippant, presumptuous. She can pick up a book and by the end of the day have it read and understood. She adores her father. In a strange kind of way, she’s jealous of her mother. If someone or something comes along that threatens him, she will step up to do whatever is necessary to protect him. Although young, she has a mature relationship with a boyfriend. She challenges him at every turn. Around her parents, she keeps her relationship with him at arm’s length. She’s a straight A student, a sensitive person and easily picks up what people are thinking or feeling.

Margaret Gilgood, PhD – a small, rather boyish woman, fortyish, has short, spiked hair, delicate feathers and wears herring bone suits, usually with a narrow bow tie at her neck. She runs a right ship. Recently the ship has gotten tighter do to the shooting of one of the students. Gilgood has an innate dislike of Lane Baer. His good looks make her feel insecure. This opens her up to taunting him regarding his teaching techniques. Her loneliness also creates a huge internal need to be appreciated and maybe even loved. She finds herself attracted to Christian Savage, the history teacher. She pushes to have relationship with Savage. He acquiesces but soon cuts it off which leaves Gilgood desperately depressed and angry.

Christian Savage – late forties, a big man, who is on his way to losing his hair. He’s a southern gentleman with an easy way with women. He’s a charmer, even though he suffers from deep sadness. His baby, Lucy, died of SIDS. After the loss, his wife, Naomi, blaming him for the terrible event, divorces him. Savage confides his grief to Baer who invites him to their house for dinner. There he meets Marta and Paige. Marta finds Savage fascinating. Paige finds him disgusting and wants him gone.

The World of the Story:

Elements of Betrayal unfolds in a posh girl’s boarding school, the Caroline Russell Brown Boarding School for Girls. It was built in 1905. Encompassing an entire city block. Three of its four three-story buildings create a rectangle with a quad at the center. The buildings are shingled and gabled and heavily draped with wisteria. One building, the Chapel, stands separately. One wing is dedicated to classrooms. One wing to administrative offices which houses Margaret Gilgood’s office. She is the Head Mistress. One is the boarding department in which the girls live and includes a library that serves as a study hall, a dining room, and a small office known as the “Fainting Room” which is Lane Baer’s office. The interior is dark even during high summer as the windows made of original glass, are small and the gables cast dark shadows. The floorboards creak and the floors are not even due to age. Stairs connect the floors. The third floor leads to the roof.

Future Episodes:

TEASER:

A worn man hears his doorbell. Drowning in scotch he staggers to the door, without looking who’s on the other side, throws the door open. It’s clear he knows who has entered his apartment. He moves to sit on the couch. When he looks up, he sees the eye of a pistol come toward him until it presses into his forehead and then…CRACK of sound…BLACKNESS.

SEASON 1:

Baer suffers from depression. He can’t find his way into the new book and the deadline is breathing down his back. Also he needs a job to keep the family going. He hears about a job at the Catherine Russell Brown Boarding School for Girls. After going to the interview with Margaret Gilgood, Head mistress of the school and being offered a job, his spirits lift, and he dives more enthusiastically into his new book. Baer meets Leylah Hafez in his class. She’s exotically beautiful and immediately obsessed with him. He discovers they have a strange bond. When she sits in his office, he is able to access more idea and he can barely stop himself from filling page after page, which at the moment seems brilliant.

He soon meets and befriends the history teacher, Christian Savage. Savage becomes a personal guide, warning Baer to stay away from the girls who are all starving for affection. He also warns that Gilgood can be authoritative and stern. Keep you head down when it comes to her. Savage is lonely. His baby died and his wife divorced him. Baer invites him to dinner a couple of times. Marta clearly is attracted to him which infuriates Paige, the 16-year-old daughter. She deeply loves her father and wants to protect him from being hurt by her mother if she did something destructive with Savage. She will see that this never happens.

SEASON 2: IT’S HARD BEING A HUMAN BEING

Christian Savage coms to the Baer home for dinner. Marta, flushed with make-up, is attracted to him. Paige picks up on this and is angry. She will do what needs to be done to keep this man out of the house and away from her mother.

Paige finds her way to Savage’s. She threatens him that if he comes to their house again, she’ll make life very difficult for him. On the bus ride home, she decides she can’t trust him. She’s going to make life hard for him.

She announces to her parents that Savage raped her. The stakes go sky high. Baer tracks Savage down and threatens him in public. Marta takes Baer’s gun and the latex gloves she used to dye her hair “autumn flash,” and she goes to Savage’s

Paige follows her mother. Hears a gun shot, then sees her mother leave.

Soon after, Savage is found dead.

SEASON 3 – MUSICAL MURDERER CHAIRS

The police begin a homicide investigation. Detective Otto Pearl, a man who often pulls a lolly pops from a pocket, an addiction like cigarettes. Sergeant Virginia Rand joins in the interrogation of Baer and then Marta. Then Margaret Gilgood. At home, Baer and Marta have private arguments over Paige’s accusation. The girl is so complicated, it’s difficult to sort through her emotions. Everyone is feeling like they are a suspect.

In the meantime, Baer continues to work on his book with Leylah sitting in his office at school. Leylah wants to get physical. Baer tries to hold off, but finally he succumbs, and they fall into a deep kiss. Leylah begs him to leave his family so the two of them can sneak away. He says emphatically, no. Hysterical, Leylah runs up to the third-floor roof and threatens him if he doesn’t leave his family, she’ll jump.

SEASON 4 – THE POLICE QUESTION BABY BEAR

Detective Pearl brings in Paige for questioning. It’s very tense. Paige must figure out how to move through this. She easily gets flummoxed. She begins with lies. Finally, the questions lead her to a story closer to the truth. In this process, Paige explains how her mother took the latex gloves and her father’s gun to Savage’s. The outcome points the guilty finger at her mother. Pearl sends Sergeant Rand home with Paige to pick up the gloves as evidence.

Paige tells her parents how the interview went. When they hear, they’re angry. Baer had made Paige to keep it to herself that she had followed her mother to Savage’s. Now they knew what was coming.

A few days later, Pearl arrives at their door.

SEASON 5 – LIFE UNDER THE BUS

Baer still suffers from depression. Disappointed in the manuscript he’s deep into. He burns the pages. The deadline now just weeks away.

Leylah awakens from the coma. She can prove Baer was with her when Savage was murdered. This exonerates him. All eyes turn to Marta and or Paige. Marta still believes Paige somehow could have shot Savage. Marta understands that Paige threw her under the bus.

Marta tries to cheer Baer up. Puts on the make-up and the sexy red dress and seduces him. The doorbell rings. Marta suggests Baer answer it. She says it’s Pearl. He want to know how would she know. She says she called him. She confesses to the murder.

[Elizabeth Appell]

Binge Worthy – Mod 2 Lesson 10 –Riveting Titles

I’ve learned I can’t commit to these titles yet, but his exercise gave me a taste of what I will eventually create.

• CONFLICT: Disagreement, opposition, clashing, fight, battle, struggle, etc.

• JOURNEY: Where does it start and end? What is the journey about?

• DILEMMA: Opposing decisions where both sides are bad.

• ISSUE FACED: What past problem will they face? What moral boundary must they cross?

• IRONY: Combining opposite words or experiences.

• HERO’S CHALLENGING SITUATION: What part of the hero’s physical, emotional, or mental state is threatened?

• THREAT TO HERO: What external threat can shut our hero down?

• DISCOVERY: What do we discover about the hero, opposition, or situation that surprises?

• METAPHOR: What part can be expressed through a similar or comparative example?

SEASON 1:

ISSUE FACED: THE CHILL OF DESPERATION

Baer suffers from depression. He can’t find his way into the new book and the deadline is breathing down his neck. Also, he needs a job to keep the family going. He hears about a job at the Catherine Russell Brown Boarding School for Girls. After going to the interview with Margaret Gilgood, Head mistress of the School and being offered a job, his spirits lift, and he dives more enthusiastically into his new book. The second week of class, Baer meets Leylah Hafez, a senior student. She’s read his first novel three times. She’s exotically beautiful and immediately obsessed with him. He discovers they have a strange bond. When she sits in his office, he is able to access more idea and he can barely stop himself from filling page after page, which at the moment seems brilliant.

He soon meets and befriends the history teacher, Christian Savage. Savage becomes a personal guide, warning Baer to stay away from the girls who are all starving for affection. He also warns that Gilgood can be authoritative and stern. Keep your head down when it comes to her. Savage is lonely. His baby died and his wife divorced him. Baer invites him to dinner a couple of times. Marta clearly is attracted to him which infuriates Paige, the 16-year-old daughter. She deeply loves her father and wants to protect him from being hurt by her mother if she did something destructive with Savage. She will see that this never happens.

SEASON 2:

DISCOVERY: YOU KNOW WHAT IT MEANS SHEN THERE’S A GUN IN THE FIRST ACT

Christian Savage coms to the Baer home for dinner. Marta, flushed with make-up, is attracted to him. Paige picks up on this and is angry. She will do what needs to be done to keep this man out of the house and away from her mother.

Paige finds her way to Savage’s. She threatens him that if he comes to their house again, she’ll make life very difficult for him. On the bus ride home, she decides she can’t trust him. She’s going to make life hard for him.

She announces to her parents that Savage raped her. The stakes go sky high. Baer tracks Savage down and threatens him in public. Marta takes Baer’s gun and the latex gloves she used to dye her hair “autumn flash,” and she goes to Savage’s

Paige follows her mother. Hears a gun shot, then sees her mother leave.

Soon after, Savage is found dead.

SEASON 3

THREAT TO HERO: MUSICAL MURDERER CHAIRS

The police begin a homicide investigation. Detective Otto Pearl, a man who often pulls a lolly pops from a pocket, an addiction like cigarettes. Sergeant Virginia Rand joins in the interrogation of Baer and then Marta. Then Margaret Gilgood. At home, Baer and Marta have private arguments over Paige’s accusation. The girl is so complicated, it’s difficult to sort through her emotions. Everyone is feeling like they are a suspect.

In the meantime, Baer continues to work on his book with Leylah sitting in his office at school. Leylah wants to get physical. Baer tries to hold off, but finally he succumbs, and they fall into a deep kiss. Leylah begs him to leave his family so the two of them can sneak away. He says emphatically, no. Hysterical, Leylah runs up to the third-floor roof and threatens him if he doesn’t leave his family, she’ll jump.

SEASON 4

METAPHOR: FAMILY SECRETS

Detective Pearl brings in Paige for questioning. It’s very tense. Paige must figure out how to move through this. She easily gets flummoxed. She begins with lies. Finally, the questions lead her to a story closer to the truth. In this process, Paige explains how her mother took the latex gloves and her father’s gun to Savage’s. The outcome points the guilty finger at her mother. Pearl sends Sergeant Rand home with Paige to pick up the gloves as evidence.

Paige tells her parents how the interview went. When they hear, they’re angry. Baer had made Paige to keep it to herself that she had followed her mother to Savage’s. Now they knew what was coming.

A few days later, Pearl arrives at their door.

SEASON 5

DILEMMA: LIFE UNDER THE BUS

Baer still suffers from depression. Disappointed in the manuscript he’s deep into. He burns the pages. The deadline now just weeks away.

Leylah awakens from the coma. She can prove Baer was with her when Savage was murdered. This exonerates him. All eyes turn to Marta and or Paige. Marta still believes Paige somehow could have shot Savage. Marta understands that Paige threw her under the bus.

Marta tries to cheer Baer up. Puts on the make-up and the sexy red dress and seduces him. The doorbell rings. Marta suggests Baer answer it. She says it’s Pearl. He want to know how would she know. She says she called him. She confesses to the murder.

[Elizabeth Appell]

I learned to take another look at my main character.

LANE BAER, depressed and despondent as the bills pile up. Simultaneously he struggles to meet the publisher’s deadline breathing down his back for his second novel. He can’t seem to find his way into the book.

First piece of the puzzle: He interviews with Dr. Margaret Gilgood, headmistress of the Catherine Russell Brown Boarding School for Girls. She offers him a temporary job as the literature teacher until he proves himself. He gratefully accepts. Second piece of the puzzle: When senior student, Leylah Hafez, exotically beautiful and insanely attracted to Baer, is in his office, he discovers he can access the ideas he needs for the book. Can he avoid her seduction and write the book?

[Elizabeth Appell]

THE PROCESS

1. Select a line from your TV Pitch Bible.

2. Express it through each of the Intrigue Patterns.

3. Choose the version that is most interesting and put that in your bible.

I’ve learned how one can tweak a line to make it more intriguing.

ASSIGNMENT:

Using Intrigue Patterns, describe some aspect of your story or characters.

1. Pull out your TV Pitch Bible. Read through it and find ONE line you would like to be more intriguing.

BLAND LINE: Lane Baer, a mid-list writer, is desperate to finish his second novel. To keep his family afloat he takes a job teaching literature at a posh boarding school for girls.

A. Establish something shocking and point to the terrible things it could mean.

When Lane Baer’s daughter accuses Christian Savage of rape, his anger forces him to confront Savage and threaten him in public. His wife, Marta also confronts Savage. They both could become people of interest.

• B. Strong statement; question about something underhanded beneath the surface.

The murder creates a strong concept for the book, but the question leads him to point to Marta as the possible killer.

• C. Question that points to hidden agendas, hidden identity, conspiracy, etc..

Marta thinks their sixteen-year-old daughter could have committed the crime. Lane strongly disagrees which causes him to push the police to consider Marta.

• D. Character 1 is convinced/worried/wondering that Character 2 has done.

• E. But maybe it is all wrong.

Maybe Marta is innocent. Then who could the killer be?

• F. A Pattern that Leads to Future Consequences

Lane stands strong on behalf of Marta.

• G. If he does remain in Marta’s corner, that means he probably appears innocent.

• H. State the mystery.

Who killed Savage?

• I. Should be/could be Paige, but it is even worse.

• J. Intense language.

If Paige is guilty, they will spend the rest of their lives protecting her and keeping her out of the hands of the law.

MORE INTRIGUING LINE: Lane Baer is a mid-list writer desperate for a bestselling concept for his second book. When the history teacher is murdered, it provides Baer with a great concept, especially when his wife is arrested for the crime.

[Elizabeth Appell]

I learned that asking a few questions can take me place I never considered before.

Binge Worthy – Mod 2, Lesson 7 Investigate my show

Tool 1: Dig: What’s beneath Paige’s behavior?

I think there’s a 20-year-old man (she’s 16-years-old) encouraging her to do interesting things. Like stayinf away from home for two days without telling her parents where she is; trying Ecstasy; confront her mother regarding her attraction to Savage; seduce Savage in front of her mother; kill a cat; kill a person.

Tool 2: Extrapolate: If Pagie does any of these “suggestions”, then how does she feel about herself, or about him?

Tool 3: Wonder: What if she does the less radical does it make her more interesting?

Tool 4: Backtrack: How could her meeting of him have happened?

They met when she was running and twisted her ankle. He stopped to help her. They had an immediate attraction.

Tool 5: Forecast: How could this get even worse? This could lead to Marta’s being arrested.

3. Evaluate the possibilities and decide what you are going to use in the different parts of your TV Pitch Bible. Divide the answers into three categories:

Use in TV Pitch Bible.

Use in Episodes.

Don’t use. Maybe too this makes Paige too dark which takes the story not a dark place.

[Elizabeth Appell]

Binge Worthy – Mod 2 Lesson 3 Easy Ways to 5 Seasons

I’ve learned this is much harder than I thought it was going to be. I’m not happy with these descriptions but the lessons are coming so fast, I’m having trouble keeping up.

TEASER:

A girl awakens in the boarding department. She stumbles around, tears running down her face. She finds a gun in her top drawer. She manages to get to the hallway. Her roommate calls to her wake up. Put the gun down. Ethel Remmeter, the house mother, comes out, assesses the situation, and calls the police. Soon the police arrive. The young cop pulls his gun. The girl whirls around, aims at him. He shoots. She drops. Dead.

SEASON 1:

Baer suffers from depression. He can’t find his way into the new book and the deadline is breathing down his back. Also he needs a job to keep the family going. He hears about a job at the Catherine Russell Brown Boarding School for Girls. After going to the interview with Margaret Gilgood, Head mistress of the School and being offered a job, his spirits lift, and he dives more enthusiastically into his new book. Baer meets Leylah Hafez in his class. She’s exotically beautiful and immediately obsessed with him. He discovers they have a strange bond. When she sits in his office, he is able to access more idea and he can barely stop himself from filling page after page, which at the moment seems brilliant.

He soon meets and befriends the history teacher, Christian Savage. Savage becomes a personal guide, warning Baer to stay away from the girls who are all starving for affection. He also warns that Gilgood can be authoritative and stern. Keep you head down when it comes to her. Savage is lonely. His baby died and his wife divorced him. Baer invites him to dinner a couple of times. Marta clearly is attracted to him which infuriates Paige, the 16-year-old daughter. She deeply loves her father and wants to protect him from being hurt by her mother if she did something destructive with Savage. She will see that this never happens.

SEASON 2: IT’S HARD BEING A HUMAN BEING

Christian Savage coms to the Baer home for dinner. Marta, flushed with make-up, is attracted to him. Paige picks up on this and is angry. She will do what needs to be done to keep this man out of the house and away from her mother.

Paige finds her way to Savage’s. She threatens him that if he comes to their house again, she’ll make life very difficult for him. On the bus ride home, she decides she can’t trust him. She’s going to make life hard for him.

She announces to her parents that Savage raped her. The stakes go sky high. Baer tracks Savage down and threatens him in public. Marta takes Baer’s gun and the latex gloves she used to dye her hair “autumn flash,” and she goes to Savage’s

Paige follows her mother. Hears a gun shot, then sees her mother leave.

Soon after, Savage is found dead.

SEASON 3 – MUSICAL MURDERER CHAIRS

The police begin a homicide investigation. Detective Otto Pearl, a man who often pulls a lolly pops from a pocket, an addiction like cigarettes. Sergeant Virginia Rand joins in the interrogation of Baer and then Marta. Then Margaret Gilgood. At home, Baer and Marta have private arguments over Paige’s accusation. The girl is so complicated, it’s difficult to sort through her emotions. Everyone is feeling like they are a suspect.

In the meantime, Baer continues to work on his book with Leylah sitting in his office at school. Leylah wants to get physical. Baer tries to hold off, but finally he succumbs, and they fall into a deep kiss. Leylah begs him to leave his family so the two of them can sneak away. He says emphatically, no. Hysterical, Leylah runs up to the third-floor roof and threatens him if he doesn’t leave his family, she’ll jump.

SEASON 4 – THE POLICE QUESTION BABY BEAR

Detective Pearl brings in Paige for questioning. It’s very tense. Paige must figure out how to move through this. She easily gets flummoxed. She begins with lies. Finally, the questions lead her to a story closer to the truth. In this process, Paige explains how her mother took the latex gloves and her father’s gun to Savage’s. The outcome points the guilty finger at her mother. Pearl sends Sergeant Rand home with Paige to pick up the gloves as evidence.

Paige tells her parents how the interview went. When they hear, they’re angry. Baer had made Paige to keep it to herself that she had followed her mother to Savage’s. Now they knew what was coming.

A few days later, Pearl arrives at their door.

SEASON 5 – LIFE UNDER THE BUS

Baer still suffers from depression. Disappointed in the manuscript he’s deep into. He burns the pages. The deadline now just weeks away.

Leylah awakens from the coma. She can prove Baer was with her when Savage was murdered. This exonerates him. All eyes turn to Marta and or Paige. Marta still believes Paige somehow could have shot Savage. Marta understands that Paige threw her under the bus.

Marta tries to cheer Baer up. Puts on the make-up and the sexy red dress and seduces him. The doorbell rings. Marta suggests Baer answer it. She says it’s Pearl. He want to know how would she know. She says she called him. She confesses to the murder.

[Elizabeth Appell]

Binge Worthy – Lesson 4 Episodic Ideas

Beginning to catch on!

THE CHEAT SHEET

Teaser: Girl killed in the school

Beginning: Lane depressed. Can’t find the right concept for the second novel. Deadline breathing down his neck.

Season End/Cliffhanger: Margaret Gilgood threatens Baer if gets involved with a student he will be fired and his reputation ruined forever.

• Question A: Beginning: Baer gets hired to teach at school.

• END OF SEASON: Gilgood warns Baer regarding his relationships with students.

•

• CLIFFHANGER: Gilgood threatens to fire Baer.

2. Season 1 Mystery Set up…………………………………..………………Season 1 Mystery Solved

• Question A: Who is the girl that’s shot in the school?

• Question B: Gilgood doesn’t tell Baer about the shooting. He doesn’t know until later that the girl that is shot is Leylah’s sister.

• Question C: Baer must learn to understand Leylah’s wound – why does she need affection so desperately. He must be kind but not let her seduce him.

3. Journey begins when Leylah leaves the envelope in Baer’s office.

• Question A: Baer’s journey begins when he gets hired and ends in this episode when Christian Savage warns him how dangerous Gilgood and the girls can be.

• Question B: Think about where this character goes in future seasons. That might give you an idea also.

4. Friend of Savage…Protector of Leylah…Surprised by Marta’s transformation…Anger toward Savage when Paige accuses him of rape…Goes to Thesis to confront Savage in person…Fends of Lelah.

• Question A: Layers mentioned above.

• Question B: Maybe argument with his father.

5. Make a list of the Major Story Lines.

• Question A: What main characters have story lines that affect everyone else?

• Question B: Baer’s relationship with Savage; relationship with Paige; Secret desire to leave the school to get away from Gilgood; Marta’s attraction to Savage; use of make-up to transform her personality; Paige’s obsession with her father; Secret feeling to get rid of her mother; lonely;

It is important to know that you don’t need all of these answered perfectly. If you have 60% of the questions answered, you can create an amazing show.

OUTLINING PROCESS

As you are doing this process, allow yourself to fill in the things that come to you, and don’t stress about the rest. Once you have some answers filled in, many of the others will just show up.

1. Use all the above questions to mine the BW Framework for possible episode ideas. List out your answers.

Baer and his father go toe to toe; Baer and Marta fall into an unusual sexual encounter for the two of them; Baer dissolutioned and depressed; burns the new manuscript

2. From that list, brainstorm possible ideas for episodes (without fleshing them out). See Baer and Marta having sex with the gun; Baer takes on his father, but Baer finally crumbles

3. Sequence the episode ideas into 8 to 13 episodes. You know where the season begins and where it ends, so those will be your Episode 1 and Episode 8. Then look to see what episodes might emerge in between 1 and 8.

• Episode 1: A depressed Baer gets the teaching job at the school, leads to meeting Savage, brings him home which leads to his meeting Marta and Paige.

• Episode 2: Leylah comes to Lane’s office which begins their disastrous relationship.

• Episode 3: Baer learns about the shooting of the girl at school, which turns out to be Leylah’s sister4. With each episode, list the main events of that episode in bullet points.

Episode 1:

• Baer gets the job, meets Savage

• Savage comes to dinner. Marta attracted. Paige hates him, worries he will break up their family and cause her father great sadness.

• Marion Dryden, Gilgood’s assistant, alludes that Gilgood and Savage have some sort of a relationship.

[Elizabeth Appell]

Binge Worthy – Lesson 4 Episodic Ideas

Beginning to catch on!

[Elizabeth Appell]

(3 Main Character Version)

Concept: (Pre-Lesson 2)

A. Mid-list writer desperate for an intriguing concept for second novel…

B. becomes suspect when history teacher murdered…

C. discovers his wife might be the murderer…

D. which causes him to defend her and doing so finds the concept he’s needed for the new book.

Intriguing World: (Pre-Lesson 2)

A. The unexplored world of a private boarding school for girls…

B. through the eyes of the literature teacher dealing with adolescent girls, one obsessively in love with him…

C. forcing him to decline her overtures which send her to the third floor from which she jumps.

Circles of Characters: (Lesson 2)

A. Main Characters: Lane Baer, Marta Baer, (wife of Lane), Paige Baer, (Daughter of Lane and Marta, 16-years-old)

B. Connected Characters: Cristian Savate, Margaret Gilgood, Detective Pearl, Leylah Hafez (Obsessed student)

C. Environment Characters: Marion Dryden, Mrs. Remmeter, Lawrence Baer, Sergeant Rand, girls at school

Character 1: Lane Baer

Engaging (Lesson 3)

A. Role in the show: Father, desperate writer

B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: Writer, used to dealing with female students

C. Moral Issue: Using the death of Savage in second novel.

D. Unpredictable: Uses Leylah as muse

E. Empathetic: Buckles to Margaret Gilgood

Intriguing Layers (Lesson 4)

A. Hidden Agendas: Uses Laylah strange force to write his book

B. Competition: Gilgood’s observing him

C. Conspiracy: Marion admires Lane and secretly gives him key to Gilgood’s office.

D. Secrets: His attraction to Leylah

E. Deception: In beginning, convinces Gilgood he’s on her page.

F. Wound: Father continually told Lane he’d never make it as a writer.

G. Secret Identity:

Emotional Depth (Lesson 5)

A. Hope / Fear: Write a bestseller, the family will implode.

B. Want / Need: To be a strong man/to keep his family head’s above water.

C. Base Negative Emotion / Public Mask: Anger/a kind, understanding man

D. Weaknesses: To be desired/to stand up for himself

E. Triggers: Being disrespected

F. Coping Mechanism: Lying to family; bold with Gilgood Character 2: Marta Baer

Engaging

A. Role in the show: Wife, Lane’s editor

B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: Editor, make-up changes her behavior

C. Moral Issue: As mother must protect Paige from Savage

D. Unpredictable: Turns into a siren

E. Empathetic: Seen as a Plain Jane all her life.

Intriguing Layers

A. Hidden Agendas: Had a make-up and knows what she becomes when she uses it.

B. Competition: thinks Lane attracted to young girls

C. Conspiracy: Cosmetic saleswoman teaches Marta how to use make-up and how to dress

D. Secrets: Her attraction to Savage

E. Deception: Hides fact she took latex gloves and Lane’s gun to Savage’s apartment.

F. Wound: Parents told her she’s not smart or pretty.

G. Secret Identity: to young man on street she takes on her siren identity

Emotional Depth

A. Hope / Fear: Lane won’t leave her/she’ll survive life in jail.

B. Want / Need: To be hired as an editor/get out of jail

C. Base Negative Emotion / Public Mask: believes Paige guilty/guilty of the murder

D. Weaknesses: Subservient to Lane

E. Triggers: Paige might be guilty

F. Coping Mechanism: Lies to Police Character 3: Paige Baer

Engaging

A. Role in the show: Daughter, dangerous

B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: Fearless

C. Moral Issue: Will do anything to protect her father

D. Unpredictable: Loves her mother but her father will always come first

E. Empathetic: Caring for her father, tries to be caring for her mother.

Intriguing Layers

A. Hidden Agendas: Wants to keep Savage away from her mother.

B. Competition: her mother over her father

C. Conspiracy: her father tells Paige to not tell the police Marta went to Savage’s.

D. Secrets: knows about Trichloroethane

E. Deception: Accuses Savage of rape.

F. Wound: Raised by an emotionally absent mother

G. Secret Identity: She becomes sweet young girl.

Emotional Depth

A. Hope / Fear: She can her father to herself/he’ll go to jail.

B. Want / Need: Her father to be innocent/to not feel guilty about telling police about her mother.

C. Base Negative Emotion / Public Mask: nasty teen girl/ good girl/ fear the police

D. Weaknesses: Can’t tell truths from lies

E. Triggers: Her parents’ arguments

F. Coping Mechanism: Listen to loud music, sleep

Empathy / Distress (Lesson 7)

A. Undeserved misfortune. Married to mentally unstable woman; weak reviews of first book.

B. External Character conflicts. Marta arrested for murder; Lane has nothing to do with Leylah’s suicide attempt.

C. Plot intruding on life. The plot of first book makes him look guilty; Police breathing down their necks.

D. Moral dilemmas. When Marta in jail he’s free of her/ hire expensive lawyer to free her. Marta: keep up her guilty ruse, which is hard on her family, especially Paige.

E. Forced decisions they’d never make. Make Leylah lie that he wasn’t with her on night of murder; sneak into Gilgood’s office to find incriminating files.

Relationship Hooks (Lesson 6)

Looking at your Relationship Map, what major hooks could show up?

Character 1/Character 2: Lane/Gilgood – Gilgood has video of Lane convincing Leylah to lie for him.

Major hook/hot button: When Lane discovers Marta went to Savage’s with gloves and HIS gun. Was she trying to set him up?

Mystery (Lesson 8)

Type 1: Shocking Event

A. Shocking Event: Savage’s murder.

B. Secret: Knows Marta attracted to Savage.

C. Investigation: Police interrogate the family seperately

Type 2: Over Time

A. Cover up:

B. Secret:

C. Reveals:

Potential Layers (Lesson 10)

PLOT LAYERS – Story beneath the story.

– Major scheme revealed. Lane will use the murder as the main story in the new book.

– Mystery revealed. Finally the murderer is revealed: Paige

– Thought the story was one thing, but it is another. The story about Lane peeling the onion for a new book; the real story is how this family survive being accused of murder of Christian Savage.

– Major shift in Meaning: Marta takes on the burden of guilt

– Hidden history: Paige has a rap sheet

– Hidden plan – Lane wants Paige to keep quiet about her mother

CHARACTER LAYERS – identity beneath the identity.

– Secret identity – Lane tries to hide his need for success.

Intrigue surrounding the character- Lane has to deal with his unstable wife, his dangerously fearless daughter, the obsessive senior student, Leylah, and the control freak, Margaret Gilgood.

– Hidden relationships – the time he spends with Leylah in his office.

– Hidden Character history – Lane was arrested for assault.

– New alliances – when he meets Savage they quickly form a friendship.

Open Loops (Lesson 9)

Will Savage’s murderer be brought to justice?

Will Paige tell the truth about the rape?

Will Leylah lie for Lane?

Will Leylah survive the jump off the roof?

Will Margaret Gilgood’s written confession save the Baer family?

Will Lane be rehired at the school?

Will Lane’s new book hit the bestseller list?

Will Lane’s father finally respect him?

Will Paige make peace with her mother?

Will Paige Baer be found as the murderer?

Irony (Lesson 11)

Character Irony:

Lane’s appearance as a good teacher/ Really only works to provide for his family.

Values versus Needs

Lane presents himself as a teacher/Actually he becomes entwined the Leylah.

Situational Irony:

Paige appears to be bright and good but is dangerous and without scruples.

To keep Paige out of jail, she gives up her freedom.

To avoid Paige being jailed, by cause the whole family to live in practical isolation.

[Elizabeth Appell]

I learned writing a concise concept is very difficult. I wrote and rewrote these bullet points. Probably not done yet!

ASSIGNMENT:

Present your concept and world.

1. Present your Concept.

• A. Lane Baer, a struggling novelist becomes a person of interest…

• B. …when he is accused of murdering the history teacher at the girls’ school where he is teaching.

• C. When his wife confesses to the crime…

• D. he is drawn into the dark events to save her and at the same time balance the desire to use the twists and turns perfectly to use in new novel.

2. Tell us the World of this show.

– Unique Sub-World: The unstable, narcissistic world of a girls’ boarding school.

– Previously unexplored: how to negotiate an environment filled with female energy that can overwhelm practical behavior.

– The unknown: Where male professors can be seduced and/or used to play out dangerous games by the rich, young girls.

– The unseen: The headmistress vies for complete control of relationships of the girls, the faculty and even her own affair.

– Unheard of Dangers: A place where a handgun might be hidden in a lingerie drawer.

– Reason to explore it: Supposedly an easy way to support your family while you slog over your next novel.

.

[Elizabeth Appell]

EXAMPLE: BIG PICTURE LAYERS FROM WESTWORLD

We are going to look at the show WESTWORLD from two different perspectives. First, we’ll look at the big picture plot layers, then the character layers connected to a character referred to as the Man in Black.

In this version, notice how each plot layer could be the answer to a question like, “How could they sabotage the hosts?” Or “What secret identities might provide a new layer?”

Plot Surface: Westworld is a Frontier theme park. There are guests (paying vacationers) and hosts (robots). It is an adventure where guests can kill the hosts, but hosts cannot hurt the guests. There is a whole support system of admin people who program the hosts, corporate management that runs the business side, and the surviving founder of the park, Robert Ford.

Layer 1: Sabotage: The hosts are perfectly safe for the guests, until…the new program update causes some hosts to go aberrant; even psychotic. Is this just a normal programming issue or sabotage? With each episode, Delores is able to take steps outside her programming. Where will this go?

Layer 2: Conspiracy: Management has covert plans to take the park that Robert and his partner founded 34 years ago.

Layer 3: Mystery: The mystery of how the other founder, Arnold, died…and what his death really means to everyone at the park.

Layer 4: Hidden Agenda: Robert, the surviving founder refuses to tell corporate management about the “new storyline” he is creating in a hidden part of the park. He has a shocking experience planned for the new owners.

Layer 5: Future Consequences: At the “goodbye speech,” Delores kills Robert in front of the crowd in a similar way that she killed Arnold. But it seems to be intentional on Robert’s part. Hosts come out of the woods and shoot the Man in Black in the arm for real. It leaves the question about whether Robert has sabotaged this park with his new Hosts. Great cliffhanger to set up Season 2.

MAN IN BLACK

Character Surface: Man in Black is a guest who has no fear and takes what he wants.

Layer 1: Hidden Agenda: MIB is playing a different game than everyone else. He is looking for The Maze; the ultimate secret of life.

Layer 2: Hidden Character History: He has been coming here for 30 years. He knows everything about Westworld, including Robert Ford and Arnold.

Layer 3: Secret Identity: He is William…the man who loved Delores 30 years ago.

Layer 4: Wound: His wife committed suicide after he returned from Westworld.

Layer 5: Competition: He has bought up controlling shares of Westworld. Why?

LESSON 10 – BIG PICTURE LAYERS FROM BIG LITTLE LIES

Plot Surface – The lives of five women in Monterey, all with young children, are changed when one of the husbands is killed. The victim nor the murderer is revealed until the end of Season One.

Layer One – Sabotage:

When Mary Louise White, Perry’s mother arrives on the scene (Season Two,) the story that he just tripped and fell to his death. Mary Louise keeps pushing trying to find out the truth.

Layer Two – Conspiracy:

The five women make a pact not to tell anyone who pushed Perry White down the stairs.

Layer Three – Mystery:

The victim is not revealed until the last episode of Season One, nor is the murderer revealed.

Layer Four – Hidden Agenda:

The fact that Perry was violent and abusive, and that Celeste is often complicit in the sexual excitement that happens at the end of the abusive attacks is kept hidden until the couple sees a therapist.

Layer Five – Future Consequences:

Celeste rents an apartment as she’s going to leave Perry, Madeline confesses to her affair and gets Ed back as well as her daughter, Abigail, Ranata must face bankruptcy and learns more about being humble and honest, Bonnie is deeply depressed as she pushed Perry; discovers the reality that she’s not in love with Nathan, and Jane discovers the man who raped her and fathered her son, Ziggy, was Perry White.

BIG PICTURE LAYERS FROM ELEMENTS OF BETRAYAL

Layer One – Hidden Agenda:

Lane Baer is hired to teach literature at the Caroline Russell Brown School for Girls. Margaret Gilgood, the head mistress, is insecure and his good looks cause her to be off-balance. She’s hard on him. In the classroom he meets Laylah Hafez, the senior boarding student who falls obsessively in love with Lane. His relationship with his wife, Marta, is aloof. He’s hungry for the physical attention Leylah wants to provide. He tries very hard not to accept it. Leylah is willing to just be in his company, to sit in his office while he works. Her presence seems to provide him with the ideas he needs. She operates as his muse. He doesn’t want Marta to know about this strange entanglement.

Layer Two – Hidden Character History:

Lane’s father a successful biographer. Lane is desperate to achieve his approval. His first book landed mid-list. His father accuses him of being a two-bit romance writer. This crushes Lane. He’ll do anything to get his father to see him as a serious writer. Lane needs a bestseller. When Christian Savage is murdered, his wife, a talented editor, suggests this event is a story for him in front of his nose. Lane burns the draft he’s been working on to write the new book about murder.

Layer Three – Mystery

When Lane brings Christian Savage home for dinner, Marta is attracted by this southern gentleman. Paige the sixteen-year-old daughter of Lane and Marta, finds him ugly and distasteful. Plus, she hates the way her mother fawns over him. Paige adores her father and fears this man will cause their family to crack apart. Paige goes to Savage’s apartment and threatens him. “Stay away from my mother or else…” When she returns home she claims Savage raped her. This provokes Lane to warn Savage if he discovers he hurt his daughter, he’ll kill him. Same night Marta goes to Savage’s apartment with Lane’s gun to scare him into telling her the truth if he is guilty of the rape. That night Savage is murdered.

Who killed Christian Savage?

Layer Four – Future Consequences:

Initially Lane is accused as a person of interest.

Leylah says she’ll be a witness and tell them Lane was with her the night of the murder. Lane says no. Leylah runs up to the third floor. She threatens she’ll jump if he doesn’t leave his family for her. He denies her and she jumps.

Marta confesses to the murder using the ruse of a different personality.

Lane gets wind that Margaret Gilgood had an affair with Christian Savage. He sneaks into her office. When Savage broke it off with her, she becomes so disoriented and desolate, she does her usual and writes down her feelings. She thinks she killed him and confesses.

This move forces the police to free Marta.

In the end of the season, Detective Pearl is not convinced. He wonders why Lane and Marta Bear are so protective of their daughter, Paige.

[Elizabeth Appell]

I learned how important mystery is. I recently had a revelation that I need to build in more characters, each hiding a mystery.

Binge Worthy Lesson 8 – Inviting Obsession: Mysteries

ASSIGNMENT 1:

Watch the next episode of your Example Show and focus on the mysteries that have been created in that show. Also, notice the difference between the big picture mysteries that are a big part of the plot across the entire season versus the smaller mysteries.

Tell us about the mysteries from this show.

The big picture mystery was what happened to Perry White. Was he pushed and if so, who pushed him? All five main characters had secrets that created mysteries. Celeste personal secret was her husband was abusive and together they created volatile and brutal sexual encounters. Madeline had an affair with the theater director and kept the secret from her husband, Ed, until the end of the show. Ranata tried to rise above the financial losses which included his paying the nanny for sex. Jane kept the secret that she was raped. Bonnie didn’t love Nathan and carried around heavy memories of being abused by her mother. Her biggest secret was she pushed Perry down the stairs and killed him.

Deadline: 24 hours

ASSIGNMENT 2:

Create two mysteries for your show — one that shows up strong in the Pilot and the other that is revealed over time.

1. Create your Shocking Event Mystery and tell us the WWWWW and H, along with the part withheld.

Mystery that the shocking event in Pilot

· A. What Shocking Event: (Teaser) At the opening, a man is murdered by a gun shot.

· Lane Baer is hired to teach literature at the at the Caroline Robinson Brown School for Girls.

Lane Baer invites Christian Savage to come to their home for dinner. Paige is rude to the man. Marta is smitten by this southern gentleman.

· Secret: Lane Bear is aware Laylah Hafez, beautiful senior student is obsessed with him. He discovers when she’s in his office the words to his second novel come fast and furiously so he allows her to come in after school and on weekends. She tries to seduce him.

·

· Marta has been having a relationship with Savage. She’s desperate to be loved.

·

· Investigation: Margaret Gilgood, head mistress of the school investigates if Baer is inappropriate with Leylah. Warns him to be cautious or he will be dismissed and won’t be able to teach again.

Paige goes to Savages and warns him to stay away from her mother. She doesn’t want her father to be hurt.

·

· At home Paige accuses Savage of raping her.

That night Baer goes to the local watering hole and confronts Savage publicly about assaulting his daughter.

Later Marta confronts Savage. She wears latex gloves and carries Lane’s gun. He was alive when she left him.

Paige follows her mother to Savage’s apartment.

Savage is found murdered in his apartment. Baer is the first person of interest.

He was with Leylah at the time of the murder. He begs Leylah not to tell he was with her. He wants to protect Marta from knowing about the affair. Leylah wants Lane to leave his family to be with her. He refuses. She runs to the third floor of the school and jumps. She’s in a coma.

· Part Withheld:

· Although we know he was murdered, we don’t know who did it. It could have been one of four characters.

· We don’t know how someone could have gotten so close to Savage to be able to press the gun up against his forehead. He was a rather large man with some physical power.

· We don’t know that Margaret Gilgood, the head mistress, also when to Savage’s apartment.

2. Create the Over Time Mystery and tell us the WWWWW and H, along with the part withheld.

Mystery that the shocking event revealed over time

Cover up: Although Lane Baer initially was the person
of interest, the police switch that person to Marta.

Savage had pulled out of the relationship with Gilgood leaving her desperately lonely and angry.

Secret: Although Lane can’t believe that his wife is a murderer,
he has to follow that thread, as the only other thread leads to Paige.

Reveals: Marta confesses to the killing and is arrested.

Leylah awakens but is disoriented and confused.

Margaret Gilgood deeply affected by Savage’s death.

[Elizabeth Appell]

Binge Worthy Lessons 7 – Empathy/Distress

I learned to look at the whole show for its EMPATHY AND DISTRESS, not just look at the smaller moments.

Assignment 1 – BIG LITTE LIES

When Bonnie snaps and pushes Perry, sending him down a flight of stairs and killing him, all her friends and their families are deeply impacted by this secret they’ve all promised to keep.

Concept of show: Lane Baer desperate for concept of his new book. When Christian Savage, the history teacher at the school where he is teaching, is murdered, he and his family become persons of interest.

Assignment 2 – ELEMENTS OF BETRAYAL

Underserved misfortune: the impact of the murder forces him to lose his job.

External Character conflicts: His wife becomes depressed as she had a strong attachment to Christian; his daughter Paige fears her mother is going to leave her father for Savage. She goes to Savage’s apartment to demand he leave her mother alone. That even she accuses Savage of raping her. Marta goes to Savage to confront him in person over the rape. Lane confronts Savage in public. All three characters cross Savage’s path the day he is murdered.

Plot intruding on life: Savage’s baby died, his wife left him. He brought this sadness to the Bare’s when he came to dinner.

Moral Dilemma’s: When evidence show that Marta had gone to Savage’s, taken latex gloves and a gun with her, and she accidentally fires the gun, she is accused. Baer isn’t sure if he believes she killed him. He fears it might have been Paige.

Forced Decisions They Never Make: Lane and Marta finally understand that Paige, their sixteen-year-old daughter killed Savage, they know she’s a sick girl and they must turn her in but they decide to protect her and keep her secret forever.

[Elizabeth Appell]

What did I learn? The lessons so far are helpful in creating interesting characters with complicated motivations, wants and needs.

ASSIGNMENT 1: Example Show

Watch the next episode of your Example Show and create an Emotional Profile for two or three main characters in this show.

EMOTIONAL PROFILE FOR CELEST AND MADEINE IN BIG LITTLE LIES

CELESTE:

Situational: Hope/Fear

a. Hope: to have a happy, loving family and normal sex life. Fear: Their violent encounters will destroy their live together and one might even be killed.

Motivation: Want/Need

b. Want: To temper their encounters / Need: To live without fear he’ll hurt her.

Mask: Base Negative Emotion/ Public Mask

a. Base emotion: Shame/ Public Mask: Perfect life (rich, well-educated, beautiful)

Weaknesses:

a. Major stress

Triggers:

a. Attempted domination over her

Coping Mechanism

a. Fight back/ will not let her children be taken away from her.

MADELINE

Situational: Hope/Fear

a. Hope: Madeline hopes to be a good mother/ Fear her children will leave her.

b. Wants: to control the group including friends and family Need: She knows best.

Base Negative Emotion/ Public Mask.

a. Lack of confidence/ Public Mask enthusiasm that runs hotter than anyone else

Weakness:

a. Moves forward without listening

Triggers:

a. If she blocked from doing what she’s sure is right

Coping Mechanism:

a. Confiding in the wrong person then pushing to fix the lie

ASSIGNMENT 2: Your Show ELEMENTS OF BETRAYAL

1. For each of your main characters, brainstorm an Emotional Profile, filling in the following:

LANE BAER

• A. Situational: Hope: Wants his book to be huge success/ Fear: His desire is so deep he may lose everything including his family.

•

• B. Motivation: Want: earn his father’s approval / Need: to take care of his family.

• C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion / Public Mask

• D. Weaknesses: His wife will get the credit for her brilliant editing

• E. Triggers: Accusation that Paige is the murderer

• F. Coping Mechanism: Give up then dive back in and work to succeed

MARTA BAER

• A. Situational: Hope family to get back on stable footing / Fear they will live like little people for the rest of their lives.

• B. Motivation: Wants to be attractive to men / Need to wear makeup to transform

• C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: Sexual, dominant / Public Mask: timid, the “little wife”

• D. Weaknesses: hides, afraid to fight

• E. Triggers: Comes out fighting to save her daughter

• F. Coping Mechanism: takes on the personal of the “New Marta”

PAIGE BAER (16-year-old daughter)

• A. Situational: Hope: her parents can get things stabilized / Fear: Her father will be accused of the murder

• B. Motivation: Want: her father to be successful / Need: to do what she can to protect him

• C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: A frightened young girl / Public Mask: rude, prideful

• D. Weaknesses: Lies, fearless

• E. Triggers: if her father is sad or pinned down, she will do anything to help him

• F. Coping Mechanism: acts out, goes in a straight line toward the problem

[Elizabeth Appell]

What did I learn from this assignment: The ingredients listed that create intrigue are a great help to identify if I have or have not used some of them. In writing the characters as I progress in this project, I will cast back to employ these powerful tools.

Assignment 4: Intrigue

ASSIGNMENT 1:

In BIG LITTLE LIES there are many layers of intrigue.

Madeline: She is in competition with every mother in Otter Bay School to be the best mom, the most accomplished mom, the mom most loved by her family. She also harbors secrets about the affair she had with the theatre director. Her wound is open and raw. She needs love.

Celeste: She has a hidden agenda of going back into professional life. Being a mom is not enough. Her secret is she was complicit in the sexual violence she endured with Perry.

Jane: Has a secret that she was raped and then the secret is compounded when we discover Perry is the rapist. She is in a conspiracy with Celeste to keep the fact that Perry is the father of Ziggy, although she doesn’t keep the details quiet. She tells Ziggy who his father is.

Ranata: She operates from her wound. She worked extremely hard to make money and be successful. Anything that gets in her way she obliterates. She rules Gordon, her husband, and creates a destructive protective wall around Amabela. Amabela will have to learn to get out of this protective cage in order to live a satisfactory life as she matures.

ASSIGNMENT 2

1. For your Inner Circle characters, fill in any of the Intrigue items that apply.

Lane Baer

His hidden agenda is to become a more accomplished and famous writer than his father. His first novel couldn’t compete with his father’s work. Now he has a second chance. He conspires with his wife, Marta, to have her secretly edit his book and take it to a level of an award-winning, bestseller. When Marta is accused of murdering Savage, Lane appears as the loving, concerned husband who will do anything to save her. This is a deception. In reality, he would be somewhat relieved to have her out of the way. She’s so needy and requires a good deal of attention.

Marta Baer

Marta operates from a wounded place in that her mother and father worked hard to convince her she is a plain jane. When she discovers make-up, she transforms and, though it’s a deception, she feels like a new woman. When she meets Christian Savage, she secretly becomes enamored. And when Paige, her daughter, accuses Savage of raping her, Marta is suspicious and launches a plan, a hidden agenda, in which she goes to his apartment to try and learn the truth. As the story progresses and Paige becomes a person of interest, she and Lane enter into a conspiracy to protect their daughter.

Paige Baer

Paige’s main secret is she loves and admires her father more than her mother. She will do anything for him. She is in a hidden competition with her mother for his love and attention. Maybe she even confronts her grandfather, Lawrence Baer who is harsh with her father. Her secret, her false accusation that Christian Savage raped he. It leads to dire consequences. She will have to deceive, the police regarding her reasons for going to Savage’s apartment.

Tools to create intrigue:

Role:
Hidden agendas:
Competition:
Conspiracies:
Secrets:
Deception:
Wound:
Secret Identity:

[Elizabeth Appell]

What did I learn? It is necessary to have characters that are so complex that they sometimes dominate. They are so clever, or brash, or sexy, or unique that the viewer can’t take their eyes off them. Also, they tune in as often as possible because they want to know what’s he or she is going to do next. Hopefully they are trying to figure out what that move is, but the character surprises them, almost every time.

1. Tell us the journey of your show.

2. Who are the main characters that will sell your show?

3. Answer these questions for each of those characters.

A. Role in the show:
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:
C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?
D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they
crossing?
E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?
F. Empathetic: Why do we care?

Apply Six Questions to Big Little Lies.

What’s Celeste’s role in the show?

Because it’s an ensemble piece, I’m choosing Celeste Wright for this exercise. Celeste plays one of the power five. She offers the shinning surface, but what goes on underneath is dark and dangerous.

What’s Celeste unique purpose:

Celeste is the calm woman, the counter to Madeline, her best friend and to her volatile husband. She’s unique in that even though she was a talented lawyer, she gave up her career to marry Perry Wright, move with him to Monterey, and start a family. She’s aloof, quiet, in the beginning we don’t know what is simmering inside.

Intrigue. What is Celeste secret beneath the surface?

Beneath is a woman living in fear of her husband’s fierce anger.

Moral Issue – What moral boundaries does she cross?

She’s interesting. Although their sex is wild and brutal, deep down she likes it. Therefore, she is complicit.

Unpredictable: What will she do next?

Will she expose Perry, even to the therapist or to her closest friend? Will she stand up to him and move out?

Empathetic: Why do we care?

We worry about her safety. Even those she sometimes like the wildness, we fear he will hurt her more than just a slap or push. He might kill her.

ELEMENTS OF BETRAYAL

The journey of the show is to watch Lane Baer struggle to overcome his fear of failure which his father carefully embedded in him. As his publisher’s deadline for his new manuscript comes due, his desperation surges for a story idea. It isn’t until the murder of Christian Savage and his family becomes the persons of interest, does he realize the situation is like manna from heaven and he begins to observe the characters involved, including himself with the eye of the fiction writer. Can he write this story?

Main Characters:

Lane Baer, husband to Marta, father of Paige.

Marta Baer, wife to Lane, mother of Paige

Paige Baer, sixteen-year-old daughter of Lane and Marta Baer.

LANE BAER

Role in the Show: Lane is the lead character, his desire to succeed with his second novel leads him to dark places.

Lane’s Unique Purpose: He moves his family to Berkeley where he takes a job teaching literature to the rich, spoiled students who study at the Caroline Robinson Brown School for Girls.

What is Lane’s secret beneath the surface: He will do almost anything to land on a bestseller idea for his new novel, even if it means he must entangle Marta, his wife, in the murder of Christian Savage. He also teeters toward the obsession displayed by Leylah Hafez, a senior in the school who falls in love with professor Baer.

What moral boundary will Lane cross: He will lie or obfuscate facts if necessary to achieve his goal.

What will Lane do next: He will encourage Marta to think she is guilty. He plays on her weakness of becoming the “Other Marta” and together they enable the story that might save Paige.

Empathetic: Why do we care? He loves his family and as he goes along may throw himself under the bus.

MARTA BAER

What is Marta’s Role in the Show? Marta has low self-esteem. Besides her mother beating on the “You are a plain-jane” drum, when she was a freshman in high school she went to a party with the B.M.O.C., the quarterback. Thrilled and excited, she floated on a cloud, until, at the party, she understood it was a “pig party.” The players brought the most unattractive girls in the class. Almost immediately at the party, the quarterback felt guilty for what he had done, and took her home apologizing all the way. She was deeply traumatized by this. When Lane came along, a very handsome, young writer she met in a creative writing class, she was afraid to even have coffee with her. She was a talented editor. He wanted her help with his stories. Which she did. She made his stories sing. Finally, she backed off because she knew he was using her. He found he had become fond of her, but she wouldn’t believe him. One night after an editing session and a bottle of wine, he coaxed her into bed. She became pregnant.

Marta’s Unique Purpose: Marta is a palpable counter to both Lane and Paige. She’s somewhat shy and inefficient, except when it comes to editing. She’s a terrible cook, definitely not a fashionista, a loving mother even though Paige is a challenging child, a reticent wife when it comes to standing up for herself or for initiating sex with Lane.

What is Marta’s secret beneath the surface? Marta is a victim of migraines. She leaves work to pick up medication and the drugstore where she meets Lorraine, the cosmetic lady. Lorraine gives Marta a makeover. When Marta sees herself with the made up, her confidence floods in and she becomes what she calls the “Other Marta.” And when she puts on the red dress, she’s completely a different woman. This is the woman Marta secretly wants to be.

What moral boundary will Marta cross? Marta is attracted to Christian Savage. When he comes to their home for dinner, she falls a little bit in love. Later in the story, when she goes to Christian’s apartment to confront him about the rape of Paige, she almost succumbs to having sex with him. She stops just before they consummate. There’s a strong feeling that if Savage hadn’t been murdered, she might have had an affair with him or maybe even left Lane for him.

What will Marta do next?

When Marta begins to puts the pieces together and comes up with the possibility that Paige murdered Christian Savage, she starts initiating a story that she, Marta, is the killer. Lane seems to play into her game.

Empathetic: Why do we care? We root strongly for Marta to find her way through the nasty weeds of this situation to save her daughter, even if it means she must go to jail.

PAIGE BAER

What’s Paige’s role in the show? Paige creates friction and tension between her parents.

What is Paige’s unique purpose in the show: Paige needs to be in the story as she accuses Savage of raping her which is the searing reason they each to Savage’s apartment the night of his death. She also adds an undercurrent of secret alliances between the characters.

What is Paige’s secret? When she goes to Savage’s she considers what it would be like to murder him.

What is Paige’s moral boundary? She will kill to protect her father.

What will Paige do next? She will point the guilty finger at her mother and to her surprise her mother picks up the cue and runs with it.

Empathetic: Why do we care? I don’t think we do care about her. We are intrigued by her, however, and whenever she’s “on stage,” we can’t look away.

[Elizabeth Appell]

Outline of Episode One – Big Little Lies

What I learned: I need to dig deep into my characters and let what I find that s festering lie beneath the surface until it is time to blow away the smoke so we can see the truth.

Big Picture Hook

We explore the lives of three wealthy women living in the post community of Monterey. We will observe the surface of these glittering beauties, but more importantly we will be privy to what goes on behind closed doors. Each character immediately draws us in as clues are sprinkled out to her internal secrets.

Episode 1 – “Somebody’s Dead”

1. Police sirens and flashing lights at a crime scene. A murder has been committed at a elementary school. We get the information that the victim suffered a broken pelvis and a fracture at the base of the skull.

2. Glimpses of witness interviews commenting on the politics of the community are woven throughout the episode. Probably throughout the entire show.

3. We meet Madeline Martha Mackenzie, Reese Wtherspoon, displaying her usual bossy, angry self, when she jumps out of her car and approaches a teen and tears into her for driving while texting. She sprains an ankle.

4. Jane Chapman, the new mom, and her son, Ziggy, stop to help Madeline. She gets a ride to school with Jane. There Madeline introduces Jane to other moms including the aloof Celeste, Nicole Kidman, her twin sons.

5. Jane has flashbacks to a torn dress and footprints in the sand.

6. We also meet Nathan, Madeline’s ex-husband, his new wife, the lithe, Bonnie and their child who also in the first grade.

7. Enter Renata Klein who mistakes Jane for a nanny. She’s a professional. Brags about being on the board of PayPal, and her daughter Amabella.

8. Jane’s son, Ziggy, is accused of trying to strangle Amabella. He staunchly denies it.

7. Ranata threatens Ziggy

8. Children damaged by parents overreaction

9. Shots of Madeline, Celeste, Ranata individually examining their lives at sunset

10. Jane making up pull-down bed after unpleasant conversation with her mother. Something sinister but not revealed.

11. Madeline suffering from fear of losing her children…envey her ex-husband Nathan and Bonnie who’s happy.

12. Celeste and Perry have violent sex

13. Ranata complaining about what happened at school to Amabella. Her husband says can women have it all and still be liked?

14. Evening: Perry reading to boys. Celeste has confused feelings of loving him for being a good dad and craving him for the dark sex they have.

15. Madeline plays piano. Abigail spends some sweet time with her mother who once again is emotional about her children growing up.

16. Cut to – footprints in the sand

17. Flash on detective giving information at press conference about murder.

18. Flash of Perry playing with boys on the beach

19. Flash: gun being cleaned

20. Flash: Zigging getting into bed with Jane

21. Flash: Montage of interviews

22. Flash: Detective examining ground at beach overlook

23. Flash: Footprints in sand

24. Flash: Woman in blue dress

25. Flash: Jane unlocks drawer, pulls out what appears to be a gun, puts it under her pillow

26: Somebody having sex

27: Hands on glass

28. Flash: just one footprint.

Screen goes black

5 STAR POINTS

Picture Hook: A look at what goes on behind closed doors and inside their hearts and brains of glittery, wealthy women.

Amazing/intriguing characters: Madeline, aggressive and afraid, Celeste, aloof and afraid, Jane, the underling and afraid, Ranata, narcissistic, afraid

Empathy/Distress: Jane draws the most empathy having to deal with these wealthy women who have everything that she doesn’t.

Layers and open loops: Who was murdered? Who committed the murder?

Inviting Obsession: Audience has an opportunity to see how the other side live, but clearly it’s not perfect. Will any of them find peace within?

[Elizabeth Appell]

My name is Elizabeth Appell,

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Elizabeth Appell]

Elizabeth Appell

I’ve written roughly 10 screenplays several of which have won or placed in competitions, several award winning plays, and made two short award winning films.

What’s unusual about me? I never give up.

[Elizabeth Appell]

I forgot to put in what I hope to get. Here goes: I’m a big fan of series. My favorite: Breaking Bad, a unique and exquisitely written show. I will experience great joy just trying to reach even half the cleverness Vince Gilligan achieved.

[Elizabeth Appell]

Hi, Cheryl,

I’ve written my logline and One Pager but for the life of me I can’t find the path to Forums. I know, “Forums” is staring me in the face but I can’t get through to the actual page where I should post. What’s the trick?

Onward,

Elizabeth

[Elizabeth Appell]

Hello Cheryl, Hal, and Screenwriters,

I’m looking forward to exploring the ins and outs of rewriting. It’s not like I’ve never done it before. I have about 10 completed scripts, some which have won awards. They’ve all been rewritten. However, I think I will move forward with Hal’s suggestions. It’s always great to get new perspectives. For this course I’ve chose to work on ELEMENTS OF BETRAYAL, an adaptation from a novel I’ve written.

Something unusual about me: I have a geographic tongue!

Onward,

Elizabeth Appell

[Elizabeth Appell]

I’ve reconsidered. I’m going to work on a different project than I originally announced about three hours ago. I’m going to work on a piece entitled CHALK LINES. I think it might be more of a challenge for me.

[Elizabeth Appell]

Hello Douglas and to all the writers in this “class.”

This program doesn’t work for me in any way. I’m writing here because I couldn’t find another portal. I WANT OUT! AND I WANT MY MONEY REFUNDED. I asked several timed…nicely…now my frustration is amping up my anger. It’s shameful the way Cheryl and Hal ignore their students…no…not students. Victims! If I find a solution, I’ll try and communicate it to you.

Elizabeth Appell alwaysappell@gmail.com

Good luck to you all!

[Elizabeth Appell]

Thank you. I look forward to meeting everyone and working my tail off!

[Elizabeth Appell]

I don’t see Lesson #4. How do I get into it? Same for #5…

[Elizabeth Appell]

Yes, please.

[Elizabeth Appell]

Hi, Christina,

Would you consider partnering with me?

My logline: Logline: Lane Baer, a mid-list writer, takes a job teach literature in a girl’s school to support his family. The history teacher is murdered. On the day of his death, all the three Baers cross his path. Who is the murderer? The Papa Bear, the Mama Bear, or the Baby Bear?

Your work is more family oriented but the principles for telling a good story are the same. I’m a little late looking for a partner. I think this platform is difficult to navigate.

Onward

Elizabeth Appell

[Elizabeth Appell]

Hi, Jackie,

One of my assignments is to “Partner Up.” Would you consider partnering with me. I’ve been writing for a long time, one published novel, several stage plays produced in various forms, and several screenplays that have placed in some major contests. I also have made two award winning short films.

Onward,

Elizabeth Appell

I’ve written my one page which might give you an idea what I’m working on, but I can’t figure out how to get it on the Forum. I’m feeling stupid!!!