[Eloise Healey]

Eloise Healey’s Big Picture Components

What I learned doing this assignment is that – as usual – I have a lot of characters!

SERIES INFO:

World: An illegal, female-only camp in 1820s Australia.

Main mystery: How did an escaped male convict make it so far on his own?

Impossible Goal: To sustain a female-only colony in the wilds of the bush.

Main Conflict: If they are caught they will be sent back to prison.

Second Mystery: Why is Ellen so determined to live life without men?

Season 1 Arc: A hopeful group of women attempt to live without men in the wilds of Australia only to turn against one another and succumb to the corruption of power when a man becomes part of their colony.

Season 1 Protagonist Internal Journey: Ellen becomes increasingly like the men she despises in order to keep control of the camp and save her dream.

PILOT INFO:

Pilot Conflict: Can Ellen and the other women escape to the mainland?

Characters Introduced: Ellen, Ruth, Mary, Sarah, Ann, James, Hannah, Jean, Catherine.

Inciting Incident of Season 1: Learning of a group of sailors who illegally transport people to the mainland, Ellen decides to hire them. But how?

[Eloise Healey]

Eloise Healey’s Visually Appealing Bible

What I learned doing this assignment is to keep searching – or creating using AI software – images until I find the “right” ones, and to balance them with the amount of text.

[Eloise Healey]

Eloise Healey’s Edited TV Pitch Bible

What I learned doing this assignment is a couple of extra ways to look to polish and trim until there’s no fat left!

[Eloise Healey]

Eloise Healey’s Titles

What I learned from doing this assignment is that episode titles can tell the story of a whole season in a glance – a reason to include them, even though I hate coming up with titles!

NO MAN’S LAND is a limited series, so only 1 season of titles are here:

EP 1 – No More Men

EP 2 – Banished

EP 3 – What is (Wo)man?

EP 4 – Mutiny

EP 5 – Turncoat

EP 6 – Never Again

[Eloise Healey]

Eloise Healey Presents Non-Stop Intrigue!

Well, I hope I do…

What I’ve learned doing this assignment is another set of tools to assess any paragraph that doesn’t seem to be earning its keep. I also found it can be tempting to overwrite using these tools, and although they certainly pep-up any sentence, they always need to be leading to the next point, or provide a clear insight, rather than messy intrigue.

As a result of this exercise I tweaked a bunch of paragraphs but found most of them were actually doing a good job of set-up/pay-off as-is, which was encouraging!

[Eloise Healey]

Eloise Healey’s Intrigue Patterns

What I learned from doing this assignment is that this exercise can open up story possibilities as well as making my language choices more dynamic.

Improve a bland line:

Fit and capable despite her many scars, Ellen is a natural leader.

1. Establish something shocking and the terrible things it could mean:

Raped, brutalised and unfairly imprisoned, Ellen is ready to lead, not follow.

2. Strong statement, question about something underhanded underneath:

Fit and capable despite her many scars, leadership isn’t something that comes naturally to Ellen – it’s something she’s had to learn.

3. Questions that point to hidden agendas, hidden identity, conspiracy, etc:
Ellen seems capable, confident, a natural leader – but how did she get those scars? And how many more does she have that nobody will ever see?

4. Character 1 is worried Character 2 has done X:

Fit and capable, Ellen appears to be a natural leader, but Ann is convinced Ellen lacks the stomach to handle the tough times ahead – nobody worth following should have scars like she does.

5. But maybe it is all wrong:

Fit, capable, confident – Ellen seems to be a natural leader but the scars that criss-cross her back suggest she’s stubborn and unruly, incapable of knowing when to compromise.

6. A pattern that leads to future consequences:

Ellen plans to lead the community with confidence, compassion and integrity – which is easy in theory but harder when sheer survival is at stake.

7. If she does X, that means Y:

But just because Ellen has clarity and confidence, that doesn’t mean she’s fit to lead others – as her scars attest.

8. State the mystery:

Why is Ellen so determined to live in an all-female colony?

9. Should be X, but is worse:

The scars across Ellen’s back should be the last she has to live with, but leading the all-female colony will result in damage far worse.

10. Intense language:

Raw ridges of scars pattern Ellen’s back, each one a reminder of something far more painful than the lash that created them.

[Eloise Healey]

ELOISE HEALEY’S PITCH BIBLE INVESTIGATION

What I learned doing this assignment is that there’s always something more to discover.

These are the elements I’m now including:

Ellen’s backstory is now an example of “make it worse”, being more brutal and relevant than before. (Use in episode)

Ellen is now gay, making her backstory rape a “correction” and meaning she will now secretly be in love with Mary. (Use in bible)

We now see Ellen steal her employer’s money, so the audience knows this will be a “bomb” to explode later. (Use in bible)

<font face=”inherit”>With Ruth being trans, it stands to reason that at some point she will become the target when women are looking for someone to </font>blame – she will now be at risk of expulsion, injury or death under Ann’s leadership. (Use in bible)

Make Ellen use a gun to kill James – the act ironically alerting the army to their presence. (Use in episode)

Make James conflicted about betraying the women to the army. (Use in bible).

[Eloise Healey]

Eloise Healey’s show summary

What I learned doing this assignment is to step out the various twists I have in mind to make sure it feels like the series has depth.

NO MAN’S LAND

It’s 1828, half a century into the brutal invasion of Australia’s First Nations people. Tasmania is still Van Diemen’s Land, the entire eastern mainland is New South Wales and no white settlement in what is now Victoria is allowed under British law.

Ellen Richardson is a determined but emotionally scarred convict woman who’s just been given her ticket-of-leave in Van Diemen’s Land. After decades of abuse, she dreams of a life free from the control of men. Realising there are other women who feel the same way, Ellen devises a plan to establish an illegal, female-only colony on the southern mainland. It’s a challenge to find enough money to hire sailors to transport them across the Tasman but the journey is just the beginning. On the mainland, the women must find food and shelter and negotiate their encounters with the Indigenous Gunditjmara. Just when it seems they might be able to survive despite the odds, into their camp stumbles an escaped, male prisoner. And everything changes.

The man’s presence causes a rift: some women want to help him, others want him gone, since the longer he stays, the greater the chance of their illegal camp being discovered, which will lead to imprisonment for them all yet again. Ellen’s stance is clear – men have caused them nothing but suffering; the stranger has to go. As the camp’s fragile peace breaks down like The Lord of the Flies, allegiances will be broken and lives will be lost, and Ellen will become increasingly like the domineering men they’ve all fled in order to keep control of the camp and save her dream. All dreams come at a cost – what price is Ellen prepared to pay to achieve hers?

[Eloise Healey]

Eloise Healey’s Episode Descriptions

What I learned doing this assignment is to look for the ACTION component from my lead character – and if there isn’t one, to create one! Keep the lead character the active protagonist, don’t give good story to supporting characters.

EPISODE 1

A convict woman grovels in front of a derisive British soldier, egged on by the outraged female matron of the Female Factory. This is Ellen and it’s the first and last time we’ll ever see her bow and scrape to anyone. She soon has her ticket-of-leave to work for a farmer but hears about people who’ve made the crossing to the mainland to start illegal colonies of their own. She decides to do the same – except her colony will be for women only. But the money needed is impossible and so Ellen must commit the same crime she was transported for – theft. Eventually the women make it to the wilderness of the mainland, but into their camp comes an escaped, male prisoner seeking refuge.

EPISODE 2

Ellen’s stance of “no men allowed” is challenged when many of the other women wish the escaped prisoner James to stay. Ellen refuses, banishing him, which causes ripples of discontent, fuelled by Ann’s desire to lead the colony herself. Realising this, Ellen decides to humiliate Ann in order to keep control, but in doing so she makes a lifelong enemy.

EPISODE 3

The lack of privacy in the camp reveals Ruth as a trans woman, giving Ellen a moral dilemma. Understanding Ruth is more woman than man, Ellen ignores calls from the others to throw her out of the camp. An altercation with Indigenous inhabitants sparks fear among the women but Ellen refuses to move on, insisting they all stand their ground. A fight ensues, and an Indigenous man is injured. Realising the only way to peace is through retribution, Ellen allows one of the women to be speared in retaliation.

EPISODE 4

With the colony in mutiny over Ellen’s cold-hearted and rational leadership, Ann stages a coup and takes control, making Ellen her prisoner. But Ann is even less compassionate than Ellen as a leader, playing favourites and increasing the divides in the camp. Realising her stoicism has brought her undone, Ellen confess her tragic past to Mary, and we finally learn why she wants to be free of men. While Ellen begs Mary to let her go, James is revealed as a spy for the British army.

EPISODE 5

James did not escape, instead he’s buying his freedom by working for the soldiers to locate illegal camps like Ellen’s. Unaware of this, Ellen works against her instincts to be as headstrong and controlling as the men she reviles, making an effort to be compassionate and thoughtful, in the hope it will earn her freedom. Her effort works and the other women release and reinstate her as leader. True to her word, Ellen does not remove Ann’s freedom or banish her. But when Ellen discovers James is a spy, she kills him.

EPISODE 6

Ellen tries to hide James’ body. When Mary panics that she can’t find her lover, Ellen claims he ran away. With soldiers close by, Ellen orders everyone to hide but Mary goes searching for James and witnesses the soldiers discover his dead body. Chaos ensures: Ellen takes her own community hostage to protect it from discovery; the camp turns on each other in desperation; Mary risks her life to alert the soldiers for help. Ellen’s lost control of everything – her dream, her peace, her friends – there’s only two things left, her freedom and her life. And she can’t keep both.

[Eloise Healey]

Eloise Healey’s Episode List Rough Draft

What I learned doing this assignment is to keep chipping away and asking questions to generate story possibilities.

EPISODE 1

Ellen leads a group of women to establish a female-only colony.

– Ellen gets her ticket of leave, learns about sailors taking people to the mainland.

– Ellen barters with sailors to transport her and others.

– Sailors try to renege on the deal.

– Women reach new home but survival is harder than expected.

– Into the camp comes an escaped male prisoner.

EPISODE 2

The decision about what to do with James divides the colony.

– Ellen wants James gone; others want his male strength.

– Ellen banishes James to protect the colony.

– Ann works to discredit Ellen as a leader.

– Ellen must humiliate Ann or ceded leadership.

– Ellen makes a permanent enemy of Ann.

EPISODE 3

An altercation with Indigenous people forces Ellen to make an unpopular choice.

– Ruth is revealed as a trans-woman.

– Ellen allows Ruth to stay, although others want her gone.

– Mary is hiding James; they’re in love.

– Confrontation with Aboriginal people leads to a man being injured.

– To keep the peace, Ellen lets them spear the culprit.

EPISODE 4

Ellen is overthrown as Ann takes control of the colony.

– Colony in uproar about Ellen taking the “black’s side”

– Mutiny builds – some women try to leave, Ellen reveals she stole to get them here so if they return they’ll face the gallows or years back in prison.

– Ann holds a coup and imprisons Ellen – she is now leader.

– James is returned to the camp.

– Reveal to the audience that James is a spy for the British army.

EPISODE 5

Mary and Ruth reinstate Ellen as a humanitarian leader, but when she discovers James is a spy she kills him.

– Reveal James’ motivation and backstory

– Ann is a cruel leader – uh oh…

– Mary, Ruth and Sarah free Ellen

– Ellen is reinstated as leader

– Ellen discovers James is a spy and kills him!

EPISODE 6

Ellen tries to stop the soldiers discovering the colony but fails.

– Ellen tries to hide James’ body and lies to the colony about his absence.

– Mary discovers the soldiers uncovering James’ dead body.

– Ellen is forced to confess and holds the horrified camp hostage.

– Instead of hiding from the soldiers, Mary goes to them for help.

– The soldiers discover the colony, arresting everyone, but Ellen refuses to be taken alive.

[Eloise Healey]

Eloise Healey’s Character Descriptions

What I leaned doing this assignment is to keep the initial “start” of the character brief – harder than it seems! I haven’t nailed them yet.

Ellen

Ellen Richardson is determined but scarred, emotionally and physically. A convict woman on the verge of getting her ticket-of-leave, Ellen is sick of being controlled – by the system, by guards, by men. On her release, Ellen hatches an audacious plan to establish a female-only colony on the mainland; to hell with the fact it’s illegal. As well as having survive the wilderness, Ellen will have her leadership challenged, be betrayed by friends and make impossible choices as she becomes increasingly like the men she reviles in order to keep her colony in control and man-free.

James

An escaped prisoner desperate to survive, James throws himself on the mercy of the camp full of women. In dire need of love and support, James will use all his wit and charm to convince the camp he has as much to offer them as they have him. He sees the divisions between the women and exploits them for his own survival but is he really the victim he claims to be? For a man who supposedly escaped a Sydney prison, he is a long, long way from where he’s supposed to be…

Mary

A young woman who follows her heart rather than her head, Mary believes the best in people and, in return, is viewed as the innocent, naïve girl everyone wants to help. But beneath her good intentions lies a deceitful streak. Mary hates conflict but lying to avoid conflict only generates bigger problems, while her desire to follow her heart will see her turn against her best friend and conspire to overthrow the leader of the colony in order to get what she wants – so much for “the nice girl”!

[Eloise Healey]

Eloise Healey has is ready for feedback!

What I learned from this is one, strong twist or reveal is better than a bunch of little ones. Less words = more clarity!

[Eloise Healey]

Eloise Healey’s Creating Irony!

What I learned doing this assignment is it’s worth adjusting my character profiles if it can help create more dramatic irony.

ASSIGNMENT 2 – NO MAN’S LAND

Emma wants to be free from the dominance of men, but in order to make her female-only settlement work, she must embody typical male domineering personality traits. Free from men = “masculine” behaviour.

Mary is the only woman amongst them who believes in real love, yet she is hoodwinked by James.

Mary presents as the innocent, but lies and ultimately commits the biggest betrayal of all.

A colony meant to represent “freedom” becomes all about control and power.

In order to be free of incarceration, James will act to incarcerate others.

James presents as the ultimate victim, but will turn out to be their biggest threat.

In order to “save” the settlement, Emma must lose every friendship she’s built.

The peace Emma craves is impossible in the community she has created.

Mary wants everyone to love her, only for her lies to bring her undone every time.

Ann backstabs Emma to gain control of the settlement, only for her original supports to backstab her in turn.

In order to solve feeling emasculated, James must win the trust of a community of women.

Sarah’s humanitarian focus will see her commit acts of extreme violence in the name of the greater good.

Emma’s desire for peace will see her kill a member of her own community in order to protect it in the greater world.

[Eloise Healey]

Eloise Healey’s Plot and Character Layers

What I learned from doing this assignment is I really struggle to separate plot from character! I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing as I write character-driven drama but it meant I struggled with this exercise.

NO MAN’S LAND – Eloise Healey

Plot Surface:

The women’s plan to establish a colony with no men allowed.

Ann has asked the male sailor crew to stay – a betrayal of purpose.

· Emma committed theft to fund the expedition – and thus is a wanted felon, adding jeopardy to the already illegal venture.

· The women don’t just have to survive the wilderness, they must survive each other

· Mary has betrayed Emma and is hiding James

· James is actually working for the soldiers – he’s a spy

· Emma betrays Mary by killer her lover, James.

· Mary tells the soldiers where to find Emma and what she’s done

Character Surface:

Emma is an ex-convict who doesn’t want to deal with men anymore since they led to her imprisonment.

James arrives – can the women trust him?Emma would rather risk dying in the “wilderness” than accept a life of subordination.

· Hidden character history – Mary has a potential husband waiting for her in Van Diemen’s Land and didn’t need to come on this journey.

· Hidden conspiracy – Ann and Mary are conspiring to oust Emma as leader

· Wound – Emma’s rape and subsequent treatment led to her transportation and her dream of a female-only settlement

Hidden relationship – James and Mary are lovers

· Secret Identity – James is a spy for the British army

· James is encouraging Mary’s affection solely to gain safety until he can fulfil his mission and gain his freedom.

[Eloise Healey]

Eloise Healey’s Big Picture Open Loops

What I learned doing this assignment is to ensure there are enough big-picture loops present in a pilot to spark immediate viewer interest.

NO MAN’S LAND – ELOISE HEALEY

Top Big-Picture Loops to establish in the pilot:

1. Will the illegal settlement be discovered and the women sent back to prison?

2. Why is Emma so adamant the settlement won’t include men?

3. How did Emma finance the ship crossing to the mainland?

4. Will Emma maintain control of the settlement – and what is she prepared to do to ensure that control?

5. Can the women navigate the stresses of the new settlement without turning on one another?

6. Will James bring about the downfall of the settlement?

7. Will the settlement face opposition from the Indigenous inhabitants?

8. Will Mary develop her own goals/agenda/backbone – and will that be in conflict with Emma’s?

[Eloise Healey]

Eloise Healey’s Show Mysteries

What I learned from this exercise is to frame existing ideas/concepts for a show in terms of mysteries and reveals.

NO MAN’S LAND – Eloise Healey

Shocking Event Mystery:

A. Shocking Event: An escaped male prisoner stumbles into the camp, putting their secret settlement in jeopardy.

B. Secret: How did he get here and is he a threat?

C. Investigation: Audience wonders whether James will ruin Emma’s dream of a peaceful, female only settlement:

When – When did James escape? Recently.

Where – From Sydney – he’s come a shockingly long way without capture.

Who – Who is pursuing him? Soldiers. Who is James really?

Why – Why does he want to stay with the women?

What – What does he want? Help to survive and evade capture.

How – How did James get this far from Sydney and survive?

Parts Withheld:
Who is James really? – Not a hard-done-by convict but a spy for the government to end illegal camps in exchange for his freedom.

How – He didn’t travel alone from Sydney but was put ashore by soldiers to find illegal camps.

What – James ultimately wants his freedom, at the women’s expense.

Over Time Mystery:

MYSTERY – Why won’t Emma give up on the idea of a female-only settlement?

A. Cover up: Emma insists men are nothing but trouble and they need to rely only on each other and embrace this new life.

B. Secret: Her traumatic past that makes the others question why Emma would shun male help if it makes their survival easier?

C. Reveals:
Abuse by male guards in prison.
Emma’s backstory of why she was transported (raped then abandoned then had baby taken away).
Emma stole from her rapist as revenge, then has repeated that pattern on her release by stealing from her new employer.

WWWWW and How:
WHO – Emma isn’t as “pure” as she presents
WHAT – She’s hidden how she got everyone here
WHEN – Right before they left

WHERE – Back in Van Diemen’s Land
WHY – She’s been so badly damaged by men she’d rather die than be around them anymore.
HOW – Thieving from employer who wants to track her down.

Part/s Withheld:

Emma committed a crime to enable all the women to be here, which has in turn made them all accessories and even more liable to be re-imprisoned than they first thought. She can’t give up on this secret settlement because she is wanted for theft (not just illegal occupation). She’s been so badly damaged by men she’d rather die than be around them anymore.

Emma will only admit all this when the other women are ready to leave the camp and strike out for “civilisation” without her.

[Eloise Healey]

Eloise Healey’s Empathy/Distress

What I learned doing this assignment is undeserved misfortune is most helpful early in the show or when a character is already at a low ebb (“kick ‘em when they’re down”).

NO MAN’S LAND – ELOISE HEALEY

Undeserved Misfortune

– Emma’s “new life” job post prison is working for another abusive man.

– The one person Emma trusts most betrays her.

– Mary discovers her lover is only using her.

– Ruth is cast aside/fired because she’s no longer young and pretty.

– The women have all their money stolen.

– The ship crew they hire screw them over somehow – drop them in the wrong place? Supposed to be Port Phillip, instead it’s the random coast?

– One member killed as a result of fight between sailors and First Nations people?

External Character Conflicts

– Emma and James’ battle for the hearts of the camp causes everyone else distress by having to choose.

– Emma and Ann’s tussle for power causes unintentional distress for Mary, Ruth and Sarah as they are continually caught in the middle.

– James’ request for help divides the camp.

– Emma’s stance on James causes unindented pain for Mary and Sarah.

– George’s decision to stay causes deep distress for Emma/contradicts her plan.

Plot Intruding on Life

– Emma plans to hire a crew when all their money is stolen.

– On the sea journey, they are shipwrecked.

– On the sea journey, there’s a mutiny.

– George and crew don’t live up to their promise to deliver Emma and Co to assigned spot.

– George and crew decide to set up camp with the women, ruining Emma’s plan for a female-only camp.

– James’ arrival ruins Emma’s plan for a female-only camp.

– The invasion of Indigenous land leads to the death of one of them.

Moral Dilemmas

– Emma must kill an Indigenous person or allow one of her women to be killed.

– Emma must turn her back on a man in need (James) or put her community at risk.

– Emma must kill James or face the imprisonment of not only herself but all the women.

– Emma must humiliate Ann or cede leadership, knowing Ann will endanger them all.

Forced Decisions They’d Never Make

– Emma must kill James or face the imprisonment of not only herself but all the women.

– Emma must take the whole camp hostage or face the gallows.

[Eloise Healey]

Eloise Healey’s Relationship Map

What I learnt from this assignment is to look for different relationships between characters to avoid doubling up and to expand conflict.

Completed but tables won’t copy and paste.

[Eloise Healey]

Eloise Healey’s Character Emotions

What I learned doing this assignment is to shift main characters who might have similar coping mechanisms and/or goals to make each one more distinct – should create better drama!

NO MAN’S LAND – By Eloise Healey

EMOTIONAL PROFILES

EMMA RICHARDSON

1. HOPE: To live a life without men / FEAR: being controlled/no autonomy

2. WANT: to establish a female-only settlement / NEED: peace

3. BASE NEGATIVE EMOTION: Helpless / PUBLIC MASK: In control

4. WEAKNESSES: Stubborn; unable to pivot

5. TRIGGERS: Being controlled – any woman being controlled

6. COPING MECHANISM: Fight back

MARY WINTHORPE

1. HOPE: A wonderful new life / FEAR: Drudgery

2. WANT: A good (easy) life / NEED: Protection

3. BASE NEGATIVE EMOTION: Unlovable / PUBLIC MASK: Best friend to everyone

4. WEAKNESSES: Craves love, needs to be liked

5. TRIGGERS: Feeling cast aside

6. COPING MECHANISM: Lies – she wants everyone to like her

JAMES SHELDON

1. HOPE: To escape/avoid imprisonment/ FEAR: Death

2. WANT: Freedom / NEED: To take responsibility

3. BASE NEGATIVE EMOTION: Terror / PUBLIC MASK: Confident

4. WEAKNESSES: Selfish

5. TRIGGERS: Emasculation

6. COPING MECHANISM: Manipulate OR fight back

[Eloise Healey]

Eloise Healey’s Intriguing Character Layers

What I learnt from this assignment is that this is a quick and effective way to generate conflict that will provide plenty of story. Great assignment!

NO MAN’S LAND – ELOISE HEALEY

EMMA RICHARDSON

Role in the show: The leader – a scarred ex-convict who craves personal freedom.

Hidden Agendas – does she keep her plan for the settlement to have no men a secret until they get there? Or until they’re on the ship? Because she’s worried the other women won’t go?

OR does she keep her plan to never return to prison a secret from the other women?

Competition: With Ruth, Ann and James for control of the settlement.

Conspiracy: Possibly with Ruth or Ann to kill James.

Possible secrets: She escaped from prison instead of getting ticket of leave. She is in love with Mary. She would rather die than go back to being under male control.

Deception: Hides just how hard the crossing/setting up camp may be. Pretends there are more people coming to join the camp than there are. Claims she’s seen guards looking for James when she hasn’t.

Wound: She’s been so damaged by men she doesn’t want them in her life anymore. But that’s incredibly difficult to achieve, and impossible without the participation of other women – and so her lies and omissions are all to placate this wound, to create a safe space for herself, but it unravels when the other women feel betrayed and hold her accountable.

Secret Identity: Control freak

MARY WINTHORPE

Role in the show: The innocent – a naive ex-convict who trusts Emma to be her protector.

Hidden Agenda/s: To protect James in the hope he will be her lover.

Competition: With Ann, for James’ romantic interest, with Sarah and Ruth for the role of Emma’s 2IC.

Conspiracy: With Sarah and Ann to undermine Emma’s authority so James can stay.

Possible Secrets: She and James are romantically involved, she is pregnant (James’ baby or a guards?), she has a marriage proposal from a guard as a back-up plan if the settlement goes wrong.

Deception: Goes along with Emma even when she disagrees because she doesn’t like confrontation. Lies about/hides James. Hides the truth of Emma’s plans to the others when she’s trusted with Emma’s agenda.

Wound: From a poverty-stricken family, Mary was cast into the world way too young. She longs to feel protected and loved – so she’ll put her faith in people who might offer that, even if they haven’t earned her trust.

Secret Identity: The ultimate betrayer of Emma. The fiancé of a guard with an easy life ahead of her.

JAMES SHELDON

Role in the show: The unwanted arrival – an escaped male convict in need of help to survive and evade capture.

Hidden Agenda: To gather evidence of illegal settlements to truncate his prison sentence.

Competition: With Emma, Ann and Ruth for control of the settlement. Pits the women against each other to strengthen his position.

Conspiracy: Planning to run away with Mary? Planning to turn the women in to British soldiers?

Possible Secrets: That he plans to dob all the women in to the military; he plans to kill Emma/others; he plans to run away with Mary; he’s committed murder to escape; he’s not as wronged as he makes out.

Deception: Lies about why he was transported. Lies about not hurting guards to escape. Hides his true intentions to truncate sentence. Pretends to love Mary because it helps his agenda.

Wound: Prison is brutal and it’s broken him. James doesn’t want to ever go back – he can’t survive it. It emasculated him and he’d rather kill than feel that way again.

Secret Identity: A spy for British soldiers to end the illegal camps.

RUTH MARTIN

Role in the Show: The Elder – an older woman who doesn’t like taking orders from anyone.

Hidden Agenda: …?

Competition: With Emma for the good of the community. With Sarah and Mary to be Emma’s 2IC.

Conspiracy: With Ann – to let Ann take over leadership of the settlement?

Possible Secrets: That he plans to dob all the women in to the military; he plans to kill Emma/others; he plans to run away with Mary; he’s committed murder to escape; he’s not as wronged as he makes out.

Deception: Lies to Emma when she thinks Ann would make a better leader/be better for the settlement. Refuses to give information to Ann when she changes her mind and backs Emma instead.

Wound: Feels cast away by society for being old – she tries to pretend she likes it as she’s no longer subject to the male gaze but she hates being dismissed by other women.

Secret Identity: Could she be a trans-man?

[Eloise Healey]

Eloise Healey’s Engaging Main Characters

What I learnt from this assignment is to keep digging away at characters until they reveal their inherent intrigue (or in other words, until I figure out what kind of secrets they may be keeping or lies they may be capable of!).

ASSIGNMENT 2

NO MAN’S LAND

1. The journey: In order to free herself from the abusive power of men, ex-convict Emma Richardson will come to embody all the male traits she reviles in order to create and protect her dream of a female-only settlement.

2. The main characters who will sell this show are: Emma, James and Mary.

3. Engaging character models:

EMMA RICHARDSON

A. Role in the show:
The leader – a scarred ex-convict who craves personal freedom.

B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:
Purpose – to create a female-only utopia away from the dominance of men
Expertise – persuasive leadership qualities and fierce determination.

C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?
Leading an illegal settlement that mustn’t be discovered by British authorities.

Emma tells herself that the end justifies the means – that it’s better to behave dubiously than lose the “utopia” she’s created.

– She keeps just how physically hard this will be from the women she convinces to join her?

– Has escaped from prison?

– Hasn’t told the other women that no men are allowed?

D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?
Thematically the show is about the price of dreams and whether the end justifies the means:
Emma will resort to increasingly dubious means – bribery, bullying, fear and murder – to keep her settlement under control. Others will think she’s crossed moral lines before she herself realises how far she’s strayed from her original remit.

E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?

Whatever it takes to keep “her” settlement safe.

The more moral lines Emma crosses, the easier it becomes to cross others.
Once it’s likely she will return to prison, the only fate worse than that is death – she has increasingly little left to lose, making any gains worth the risk.

F. Empathetic: Why do we care?

Her goal is worthy (a society where women don’t need domineering men), even if her methods become compromised. Her backstory is also one of being a victim of men’s various abuses – and she refuses to be a victim anymore.

MARY WINTHORPE

A. Role in the show:
The innocent – a naive ex-convict who trusts Emma to be her protector.

B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:
Purpose – to turn the curse of transportation to the other side of the world into the blessing of a new life
Expertise – optimism and idealism in the face of great adversity

C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?
Part of an illegal settlement that must hide from the British authorities. Mary hates confrontation so would rather lie and hide things than deal with differences directly. She will try to avoid getting “into trouble” with her mentor Emma. She may blame others rather than take responsibility.

D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?
By ignoring Emma’s rules and guidance, Mary will put the whole settlement at risk. Does being “nice” justify shirking responsibility?

E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?

Mary follows her heart, not her head. She will risk everything to appease her own emotions.

F. Empathetic: Why do we care?

Mary believes the best in everybody and so is easily taken advantage of.

JAMES SHELDON

A. Role in the show:
The unwanted arrival – an escaped male convict in need of help to survive and evade capture.

B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:
Purpose – To throw Emma’s dream into disarray
Expertise – Knows how to survive

C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?
He’s on the run from the law. Not as honourable/wronged as he makes out. How far will he go to survive? When will he bite the hand that feeds?

D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?
James puts every woman in the settlement in danger of being captured, imprisoned and hanged by asking them for help and refusing to leave. Does the need of the individual ever outrank the majority?

E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?

All James has left to lose is his life, which he values above everyone else’s – which makes him capable of making decisions that place every other character’s lives at risk.

F. Empathetic: Why do we care?

James has achieved what the women wished they’d been able to do – to escape. We see glimmers of a person who under other circumstances would be a kind and honourable man; he’s representative of the brutality of the convict prison system.

[Eloise Healey]

ASSIGNMENT 1

THE HANDMAID’S TALE – June

<div>
</div>

A. Role in the show:

Oppressed sex-slave who will lead an uprising against a horrific near-future world. <div>

B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:

Purpose – to save her daughter from the same hell she’s endured
Expertise – phenomenal inner strength</div><div>

C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?

June pretends to be a good handmaid while keeping her old identity and joining the ‘resistance’; she tries to please Waterford while spying on him; she hides her relationship with Nick from the Waterfords; she hides her extra interactions with Waterford from Serena.</div><div>

D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?

Is it okay to put other women in danger in order to escape and save her daughter? There’s a question of greater-good. </div><div>

E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?

This is an unfamiliar world for us and June. As she tests what she can get away with and survive, she’ll grow bolder and take more risks. She’ll become audacious in what she attempts to do. Because she has so little agency, all she has left to lose is her life, which makes her willing/capable to take huge risks. </div><div>

F. Empathetic: Why do we care?

June is undergoing unimaginable oppression but is motivated to escape it to save her daughter. An aspirational character.
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[Eloise Healey]

ASSIGNMENT 2

What I learned doing this assignment is that I expect some of my minor characters in the environmental circle may become more connected circle characters as I develop the project further.

NO MAN’S LAND – By Eloise Healey

Main characters

Emma Richardson – 32 years old, ex-convict, scarred physically and emotionally, Emma is sick of the damage men have done to her life and dreams of a peaceful life free from their influence.

Mary Winthorpe – 25 years old, ex-convict, idealistic and a romantic at heart, Mary hopes that transportation to Van Diemen’s Land will turn out to be a blessing in disguise.

James Sheldon – 29 years old, escaped convict serving time – charming but hardened, James doesn’t want to hurt anyone but his priority is to survive and he’ll let nobody get in his way.

Ruth Martin – 38 years old, ex-convict Ruth is no longer a sexual object for men – much to her relief – and is ready for adventure but isn’t about to take commands from another woman.

Connected circle

George MacKenzie – 42 years old, a former sailor, George has abandoned his post to make money off those keen to undertake the treacherous crossing of the Tasman Sea.

Ann Phelps – 27 years old, ex-convict, Ann thinks she should be in charge of Emma’s settlement instead – and she’d rule it with an iron fist if she could.

Sarah – 31 years old, ex-convict, Sarah has seen enough death, pain and suffering to last a lifetime and believes in taking the humanitarian option whenever possible.

Aboriginal Man – 23 years old, a young warrior who wants to protect his people from the sickness that always comes after anyone sees the strange white people.

Aboriginal Woman – 38 years old, she’s never seen a white woman before and is confused by their lack of power within their own society.

Charles – 24 years old, ex-convict who wants money, sex and power, and doesn’t care how he gets any of it.

Environment Circle

Convict women, ex-convict women and men, guards, soldiers, free settlers, politicians and their families, sailors, Aboriginal people.

[Eloise Healey]

THREE CIRCLES OF CHARACTER

What I learned from this assignment is to keep the core group of main characters contained, and allow the connected circle to expand.

ASSIGNMENT 1

The Handmaid’s Tale

Main Characters

Offred/June

Serena

Commander Waterford

Nick

Connected Circle

Moira

Luke

June’s daughter

Aunt Lydia

Ofglen/Emily

Rita

Janine

Environment Circle

Other handmaids

Guards

Other Marthas

Other Wives/men of Gilead

People of the “normal” world before Gilead

[Eloise Healey]

NO MAN’S LAND – Eloise Healey

Plot line – An innocent on a mission in a strange world.

A. Engaging and highly proactive hero…

Relatable: An ex-convict woman who lacks agency in her life
Motivation: Had enough of being controlled by men

B. …up against a major external and internal conflict…

External: Tries to set up a female-only settlement in colonial Australia
Internal: To achieve her external goal she must embody the characteristics of the domineering men she wants to escape

C. …goes on unique transformational journey…

Start: Ex-convict woman wants to forge a new life away from the dominance of men.
Challenge: Setting up an illegal female-only settlement
Finish: Becomes like the men she wished to avoid in order to achieve her goal
Unique: Feminist perspective on the male-dominated white colonial narrative.

D. …into an intriguing world.

Sub-World designed to explore this conflict/transformational journey: Colonial Australia in the early 1800s when white settlement along the southern coast was illegal under British law. This era is almost always seen through the eyes of men. No Man’s Land is a feminist revisionist take on this period of history.

SHORT PITCH

After gaining her ticket-of-leave in 1832 Australia, an emotionally scarred ex-convict woman leads a mission to establish a female-only settlement but, when their fragile peace is shattered by the arrival of an escaped male convict, she must become exactly like the men she reviles in order to protect her dream.

[Eloise Healey]

The Handmaid’s Tale 5 star analysis

WHAT I LEARNED:

If you create a world terrible enough, an audience will NEED to see it destroyed to restore their faith in humanity. This need will make them heavily invest in any character who seems to have the strength, courage and/or opportunity to not only survive this world but make a difference.

FIRST WATCH

Big Picture Hooks
Ask this: What is the big hook of this show?
A horrific near-future that has plunged our familiar world into the dark ages when it comes to women’s rights. <div>

Amazing and Intriguing Character

Ask this: What makes these main characters intriguing and interesting?
June’s inner strength. The sense she is biding her time, that she is not beaten/accepting of her fate.

What situation causes us to feel both empathy and distress for this character?

Knowing June is separated from her daughter. Seeing her raped and oppressed. The horror of the world she is now living in. Seeing June has no friends, no confidant, and cannot trust anyone.

Layers / Open Loops
Ask this: What questions are created by this first episode that can only be answered by watching the entire season?

Will June survive Gilliad? Will she ever see her daughter again? Will the wives of Gilliad really continue to see their fellow women oppressed and do nothing to help? Will the women of Gilliad band together to overthrow the men? How did this world go from the “normal” one shown in the flashbacks to the horrible near-future one?

How does this pilot create the need to see every single episode?
By ending the episode with June’s determination to hold onto her family, remember who she is and find her daughter.

SECOND WATCH

Big Picture Hooks
Ask this: What is the big hook of this show?

In a horrific near-future, women have lost their rights in a way that seems frighteningly possible.

Amazing and Intriguing Character

Ask this: What makes these main characters intriguing and interesting?

In addition to the first-watch notes, how June’s inner thoughts contradict her actions/give us more info on her state of mind.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>What situation causes us to feel both empathy and distress for this character?

In addition to the first-watch notes, seeing how much distress other people’s distress causes June – we know she’s a good person. When June hears her friend Moira is dead – she feels alone. This place kills people.

Layers / Open Loops

Ask this: What questions are created by this first episode that can only be answered by watching the entire season?

In addition to the first-watch notes: Is Nick spying on her or does he like her? Will June be able to “keep her fucking shit together”? Have so many “handmaids” really been brainswashed into believing this shit? Who is the “eye” in June’s household?

How does this pilot create the need to see every single episode?

By showing us a world so horrific we need to see it overthrown/destroyed. We want the women to trust each other and take it down. We want June to lead the revolution.

</div>

[Eloise Healey]

Eloise Healey.

I agree to the terms of this release form.

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  Eloise Healey.