Edward Richards
Forum Replies Created
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Edward Richards – Phone Pitch
What I learned was keep it short, keep it simple, keep it engaging.
MY PITCH
Hi, I’m Edward Richards, former award-winning copywriter, and Austin finalist.
I’m wondering whether I can briefly run a concept by you….It’s a romcom feature, titled THE HONEYMOON PERIOD.
If the best part of relationships is the honeymoon period, imagine if you could end them all then – all gain, no pain? Perfect!It’s a low budget movie.
Jacob Elordi & Emma Mackey would be perfect in the roles.
The script is 110 pages.
No one else has seen it,
It would fit your company because you made the romcom XYZ.How it ends is: The main character, Wyatt, having fallen for one of his honeymoon period girlfriends and then ghosted, discovers she’s an actress, hired to give him a taste of his own medicine. So, to demonstrate he really does love her, he donates his only valuable possession to an auction set up to save her theatre company.
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Edward Richards – Pitch Fest Pitch
What I learned is to shape my pitch according to a producer’s viewpoint, not mine.
CREDIBILITY: I am a former award-winning copywriter. And Austin Finalist.
GENRE: Romantic Comedy
TITLE: THE HONEYMOON PERIOD
HOOK: Imagine if you could end relationships after the honeymoon period – all gain, no pain. Perfect!
BUDGET: $5-10M
ACTORS: Jacob Elordi & Emma Mackey
ACT 1
A series of disastrous dates spark Wyatt’s unique approach, including an ex who corners him in confined public places and broadcasts her problems with him.All goes well until Wyatt meets Antoinette, French.
ACT 2
When Wyatt contrives to break with her after the honeymoon period ends, Antoinette pulls out a gun and shoots him. With water!Terrified, then turned on, the relationship blossoms, until Antoinette ghosts him. Too late, he realises he’s fallen for her.
ACT 3
Months later, he discovers Antoinette is really Isabel, an American actress, paid to give Wyatt a taste of his own medicine.Secretly, however, “Antoinette” fell for Wyatt too. But, because of his track record, she can’t tell him. Until he proves himself.
THE ENDING:
Just telling Isabel he loves her won’t cut it. Her only long-term boyfriend said that – then dumped her.So he demonstrates it – by donating the only valuable possession he owns to an auction set up to save Isabel’s theatre company.
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Edward Richards – Query Letter
What I Iearned doing this assignment was to try and keep the reader on the hook throughout the letter.
Imagine if you could could end all relationships after the honeymoon period.
All gain, no pain!A series of disastrous dates spark Wyatt’s unique approach. Including an ex who corners him in confined public places and broadcasts her problems with him.
After several six-week honeymoon relationships, Wyatt, dates Antoinette. But when he contrives to break with her, she pulls out a gun and shoots him. With water!
Terrified, then turned on, the relationship goes from reverse to fast forward. Only for Antoinette to abruptly ghost him. Too late, he realises he’s fallen in love.
Months later, he sees Antoinette on stage. Her name’s not Antoinette. Nor is she French. Their relationship was all an act. She was hired to give Wyatt a taste of his own medicine.
Secretly, however, “Antoinette” fell for Wyatt too. But, given of his track record, she can’t tell him. Until he proves himself.
If the concept appeals to you, I’d be happy to send the script.
BIO: A former award-winning copywriter. A finalist at Austin.
Contact Info
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Edward Richards – High Concept/Elevator Pitch
What I learned was that the better the hook, the better the chance of landing a producer.
My High Concept & Elevator Pitch are the same:
Imagine if you could end all relationships after the honeymoon period – all gain, no pain.
But I’m not sure that this is a better hook than my logline:
After a series of unsatisfactory relationships, a young man starts ending them after the honeymoon period, until he falls for a woman who secretly has her own agenda.
None of A.I.’s suggestions improved what I submitted to it. But it was very useful in suggesting comps.
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Edward Richards – Synopsis Hooks
What I learned is that hooks are the bricks and mortar of a synopsis
Synopsis
If the honeymoon period is the best part of relationships, why not just end them when it finishes? All pleasure, no pain. What could possibly go wrong?
Wyatt’s dating woes spark his unique approach. These include an ex who corners him in a supermarket queue. And broadcasts the problems she had with him.
After wriggling out of several relationships, Wyatt, who loves everything French, dates Antoinette – fabulous and French. But when he contrives to break with her, Antoinette pulls out a gun and shoots him. Wth water!
Suddenly, his relationship goes from reverse to fast forward. Only for Antoinette to abruptly ghost him. Too late, he realises he’s fallen in love with her.
Months later, he sees Antoinette on stage. Her real name is Isabel. She’s not French. Their relationship was all an act. She was paid to give Wyatt a taste of his own medicine.
Secretly, however, Isabel fell for Wyatt too. But, because of his track record, she can’t tell him. Until he proves himself.
No easy task. But then the course of true love never did run smooth.
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Edward Richards – 10 Most Interesting Things
What I learned today is to deep-mine my script for things that would most interest a producer.
THE ROMCOM CHARACTERS
Isabel is both Antoinette (French) and Isabel (American) – one and the same person.Wyatt invents a unique approach to dating – six weeks and he wriggles out.
OPENING SCENE MAJOR HOOK
Wyatt gets cornered in a supermarket queue by his disgruntled ex, who broadcasts to everyone the problems she had with him.TURNING POINTS
Wyatt decides to end all future relationships at the end of the honeymoon period (six weeks).Out of the blue, Wyatt gets dumped by Antoinette, who disappears without a trace, devastating him.
Antoinette turns out to be Isabel, an American actress hired to give Wyatt a taste of his own medicine.
An auction to help save Antoinette’s theatre provides Wyatt with a means of proving
his love for Antoinette/Isabel.CHARACTER BETRAYALS
Wyatt thinks he’s fallen for a French woman, but she turns out to be an actress, hired to play the role.EMOTIONAL DILEMMA
Wyatt either faces the risk of more disastrous dates, or celibacy. Or a radical new approach.MEMORABLE SCENES
When Wyatt tries to break with Antoinette, she pulls out a gun and shoots him – with water. -
Edward Richards – Producer/Manager
What I learned is the different optics producers and managers have.
PRESENTING TO PRODUCERS
Introduce myself with a brief bio (two or three sentences).
Prove I’m professional by referencing notes and consultations with industry execs.
Indicate that the project is within their scope of interest. And budget range.
That it is makable. And marketable.
Sell its components of marketability.
Show that I’m willing to do what it takes to get the script made.
Acknowledge that rewrites are an integral part of the process.
Whether they are a result of suggestions that improve the script.
Or production/budget problems.
Demonstrate enthusiasm and commitment.PRESENTING TO MANAGERS
Introduce myself with a brief bio (two or three sentences).
Show that I’m not a one-trick pony, having three scripts in the same genre.
All written to a professional standard.
Make a short pitch for the chosen script.
Highlight its strengths.
And marketability.
Talk briefly about what I’m currently working on.
And any ideas for future projects.
Welcome their advice.
Be open to criticism.
Leave them feeling that you are professional, productive and enjoyable to work with. -
Edward Richards – Project and Market
What I learned from today is that the way a producer looks at my scripts is quite different from the way that I do.THE HONEYMOON PERIOD – Romcom
Logline: After a string of unsatisfactory relationships, a young man decides to end future ones at the end of the honeymoon period (six weeks), until he falls for an alluring French woman who secretly has her own agenda.What is most attractive about it is that the male character ‘plays’ women, only to then discover that the one who he falls in love with has actually been playing him. It deals with fear of commitment, moving on to the next to chase the high, which is prevalent in today’s dating culture.
I will target producers/production companies because they are at the’ coal face’.
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This is a readable version of the above!
Edward Richards – Marketable Components
What I learned from doing this assignment is to unzip my script and find the key marketable elements that will capture a producer’s attention.
Current Logline: After a series of unsatisfactory relationships, a young man decide to end future ones at the end of the honeymoon period (six weeks) until he falls for an alluring French woman who secretly has her own agenda.
A GREAT TITLE
It immediately says romcom.
It’s a universally understood expression, used here in its original context – the brief, early stage of a relationship when everything is going well.
The target audience of romcom fans knows exactly what the story focuses on.
No other romcom deals with the honeymoon period.AUDIENCE APPEAL
The characters fulfil what the audience wants from a romcom. They are attractive (mandatory) charismatic, funny and ‘click’.
We, the audience, want them to fall in love and be in a real relationship, not a brief honeymoon period one, like the male character initially wants it to be. Until he realises, too late, that he’s fallen in love with the female character, after she dumps him and disappears.
The theme is related to that. Relationships demand effort (they don’t just happen on their own).
The story deals with fear of commitment – moving on to the next to chase the high – which is prevalent in today’s dating culture.THE PITCH
What else could THE HONEYMOON PERIOD be but a romcom? It’s the first to centre on that brief, initial stage of a romance when things are all rosy. Or as the male character puts it, “all fun and physical”.The audience will enjoy discovering that, while the male character thinks he’s playing the female one with his honeymoon period strategy, it turns out that he’s the one who gets played. It’s a case of the baiter being bit.
But at the same time, we can see that they are made for each other – attractive, charismatic, funny and, importantly they ‘click’. We want them to fall in love and be in a real relationship. Not a brief honeymoon period one.
The story touches on an issue prevalent into day’s dating culture, fear of commitment – moving onto the next to chase the high.
The theme of THE HONEYMOON PERIOD is that relationships demand effort (they don’t just happen on their own).
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Edward Richards – Marketable Components
What I learned doing this assignment is to unzip my script and find the key marketable elements that will capture a producer’s attention.
Current logline : After a series of unsatisfactory relationships, a young man decides to end future ones at the end of the honeymoon period (six weeks), until he falls for an alluring French woman who secretly has her own agenda.
A Great Title.
It immediately says romcom.
It’s a universally understood expression, used here in it’s original context – the brief early stage of a relationship when everything is going well.
The target audience knows exactly what the story focuses on.
No other romcom deals with the honeymoon period.Audience Appeal
The characters fulfil what the audience wants from a romcom.They are attractive (mandatory) charismatic, funny and click.
We, the audience, want them to fall in love and be in a real relationship, not a brief honeymoon period one, like the male character initially wants it to be. Until he realises, too late, that he’s fallen in love with the female character after she dumps him and disappears.
The theme is related to this: Relationships demand effort (they don’t just happen).
The story deals with fear of commitment – moving on to the next to chase the high – which is prevalent in today’s dating culture.The Pitch
What else could THE HONEYMOON PERIOD be but a romcom? The first to centre on that brief, initial stage of a romance when things are all rosy. Or as the male character puts it, “all fun and physical”.
The audience will enjoy discovering that while the male character thinks he’s ‘playing’ the female one with his honeymoon period strategy, it turns out that he’s the one who gets played. It’s a case of the biter being bit.
But at the same time, we can see that they are made for each other – attractive, charismatic, funny and, importantly, they click. We want them to fall in love and be in a real relationship. Not a brief honeymoon period one.
It touches on an issue prevalent in today’s dating culture, fear of commitment – moving on to the next to chase the high.
The theme of THE HONEYMOON PERIOD is that real relationships demand effort. -
Hello Everybody,
I’m Edward, from Sydney.
After a long career as an award winning copywriter, I became a screenwriter, focusing on comedy.
I have four finished scripts, one of which was a finalist at Austin.
I’m hoping these classes will help me see my scripts through a producer’s eyes, enabling me to craft my pitches for maximum impact. -
Edward Richards agrees to the terms of this release form:
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class. -
Edward Richards agrees to the terms of the release form:As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class. -
I agree to the terms of this release form.
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DRAFT 2
INT. LOCAL SOCCER CLUB – NIGHT
The walls are covered with soccer memorabilia. A huge banner reads ‘LIONS 2023 CHAMPIONS.’ A party is in full swing. Loud music. Lots of loud people. Lots of drinking. At random moments, someone yells ‘Lions! Lions!’ Everybody responds in unison ‘Roar! Roar! Roar!’ Including Robert, 30, wearing a Lions soccer shirt, the centre of a noisy group at the bar.
Trent 35, an outlier in his crisp white business shirt and suit pants, taps Robert on the shoulder.
ROBERT
Hey, man, I was hoping you’d come.
A man hug.
TRENT
Think I’d miss this? I’m your biggest sponsor!
ROBERT
Hasn’t gone unnoticed , man .
He indicates a trio of guys wearing soccer shirts on the other side of the room. They raise their beer bottles to Trent and smile.
ROBERT
They wanted to show their appreciation in person, but I said no need.
TRENT
Well, if they want to-
ROBERT
Maybe later. Here, get this down you.
He hands Trent a beer.
TRENT
Cheers, Captain!
They clink bottles. Take big slugs. Robert guide Trent away from the bar. Pushes through the crowd. Has to yell to be heard.
ROBERT
Guess you didn’t bring the Ferrari? Been dying to see it!
TRENT
You kidding? To this? Next time, eh?
ROBERT
That’s what you said last time.
TRENT
Sorry, man. Got a lot on my mind.
ROBERT
Uh-huh. Let’s go in here.
He opens the door of a small room. A storeroom with miscellaneous soccer stuff and a makeshift desk. A lot less noisy.
ROBERT
That’s better. Say, er, you’ve got any news on my, you know-
TRENT
Like I told you, we got to ride the storm out. Be crazy to take a hit now. Bottom line, you pussy out, you pay for it. Do you want to do that?
ROBERT
No, but it’s just that the storm’s been going on a while, that’s all.
TRENT
Hey, am I the weather man?
ROBERT
No, no. Ha.
Robert’s phone rings. He answers.
ROBERT
Give me a minute.
He turns to Trent.
ROBERT
Sorry. Say, er…where’s Angie?
TRENT
She’s not coming.
ROBERT
She sick?
TRENT
She is leaving me.
ROBERT
You serious? What? Why?
TRENT
Some shit – said she’d heard I’d been seeing Jill again.
ROBERT
What? Married by-day-single-by-night Jill?
TRENT
Can you believe it?
ROBERT
You haven’t, have you?
TRENT
No fucking way.
ROBERT
You two were pretty close.
TRENT
Jesus! You sound just like her. Don’t know where this shit is coming from. She’s really pissed.
ROBERT
It’ll blow over. You two are always arguing.
TRENT
This is different. She’s serious. I can’t let her go man, can’t. I’m crazy about her. You know that. You gotta help me. Angie trusts you. Talk to her.
ROBERT
And say what?
TRENT
That it’s all shit! What’s that look for?
ROBERT
Just that people were talking about it, at a barbecue last week. About you and Jill.
TRENT
What?!
ROBERT
Yeah, I know, but with stuff like that, when someone lights the fuse, sometimes it’s hard to un-light.
TRENT
I’m going to un-light it, I’m telling you. I’m fucking gonna get her back!
ROBERT
Like I’ll get my money back.
TRENT
I told you, you have to wait.
ROBERT
Maybe we can’t.
TRENT
We?
ROBERT
Didn’t I tell you? It wasn’t just my money.
A knock on the door.
ROBERT
Come on in, boys.
The trio of soccer players from earlier come in. Look menacing.
ROBERT
It was theirs too.
Trent goes pale.
TRENT
Hey, we can sort this, guys?
SOCCER PLAYER
Sure.
ROBERT
You’re a fucking con man, Trent! A thief. A fake. Ferrari? My ass!
One soccer player grabs Trent by the shirt. Throws him against the wall. The other two punch him.
Robert adds a parting shot as he leaves them to it.
ROBERT
Oh, guess who let the fuse?
Robert exits the office. The commotion can be heard from outside. A woman hears it.
WOMAN
What’s going on in there?
ROBERT
Just a couple of guys having a kick around with Trent.
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INT. HOUSE – NIGHT
A party in full swing. Lots of people. Loud music. Robert, 30, holding a beer, welcomes Trent, similar age.
ROBERT
Hey, man, good of you to come.
TRENT
Think I’d miss one of your parties?
A man hug.
TRENT
What’s the celebration?
Robert shrugs.
ROBERT
The weekend?! Hey, come on, let me fix you a drink.
They push their way to a table of drinks. Robert hands Trent a beer.
ROBERT
You bring the Ferrari? I’ve been dying to see it.
TRENT
Hell, sorry, I Ubered it here. Next time, eh?
ROBERT
That’s what you said last time.
TRENT
Sorry, man. Got a lot on my mind.
ROBERT
Uh-huh. Say, er, you got any news on my, you know-
TRENT
Like I told you, we got to ride the storm out. Be crazy to take a hit now. Bottom line, you pussy out, you pay for it. You really want to do that?
ROBERT
Just that the storm’s been going on a while, that’s all.
TRENT
Hey, am I a weatherman?
ROBERT
No, no. Say, er…where’s Angie?
TRENT
She’s not coming.
ROBERT
She sick?
TRENT
She’s leaving me.
ROBERT
You serious? What? Why?
TRENT
Some shit. Said she’d heard I’d been seeing Jill again. Said everyone was talking about it.
ROBERT
What? Married-by-day-single-by-night Jill?
TRENT
Can you believe it?
ROBERT
You haven’t have you?
TRENT
No fucking way.
ROBERT
You two were pretty close.
TRENT
Jesus! You sound just like her. Don’t know where this shit is coming from. She’s really pissed.
ROBERT
It’ll blow over. You two are always arguing.
TRENT
It’s different this time. She’s serious. I can’t let her go man, can’t. I’m crazy about her. You know that. You’ve gotta help me. Angie trusts you. Talk to her.
ROBERT
And say what?
TRENT
That it’s all shit! …what’s that look for?
ROBERT
Just that someone was talking about it at a barbecue last week. About you and Jill.
TRENT
What?!
ROBERT
It was crap. But, you know, when someone lights the fuse, sometimes it’s hard to un- light it.
TRENT
What the fuck am I going to do?
ROBERT
My advice – just give it time. It will blow over. And talking of blow, follow me.
Robert puts an arm around Trent. Leads him into a back room. Closes the door. They stand looking at each other.
TRENT
So, where’s the blow?
Robert smacks Trent in the face. Knocks him to the floor. Stands over him.
ROBERT
You’re a fucking conman, Trent! A thief. A fake. Ferrari? My ass! I know I’m never going to get my money back but, trust me, you’re never going to get Angie back either. I’ve seen to that.
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Edward Richards – maximum interest Part 1
What I’ve learned – use as many techniques as you can, and squeeze the most out of them, for maximum interest.
Logline: Chaplin overpowers a guard and escapes from the room.
Essence: Chaplin discovers a side to himself he never suspected. He can kill dispassionately. Like a battle hardened soldier.
INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
Chaplin surfaces from sleep. Opens his eyes. Looks around. Unfamiliar surroundings. What the hell? He wears a hospital gown. In a hospital bed. In a private room. It’s eerily quiet. He peels back the bedding. Braces for the worst. No obvious damage. He test drives arms and legs. Phew. Both in working order.
He sits up. Grimaces with pain. Eases himself out of bed. Wobbles to the window, covered by curtains. Pulls them back. No window. A brick wall. Alarm sweeps over him.
He shuffles to the door. Pauses. Stretches arms and legs. Get some feeling back. He tests the door handle like a safecracker. Edges it ajar. A hospital orderly sit at a desk. His back to him.
Reassured, Chaplin pushes the door open. It creaks. Loudly. The orderly turns. Spot him. Springs up. Grabs the gun in the back of his pants. Chaplin throws himself at him. Smothers him in a tackle. Down they go. The orderly cracks his head on the floor. Hard. His pressure on Chaplin deflates. He’s out cold.
Chaplin exhales the tension from his body. Get to his feet. Grabs a scarf from the rack. Ties the orderly’s hands. Pulls off one of his socks. Stuffs it in his mouth.
He checks out the room. Two doors lead off it. One looks like an entrance. The other, in the far corner, closed. In the middle of the room a table. Two coffee mugs. Two? Chaplin stiffens. On high alert. The only sound his breathing
A door handle rattles.
MALE VOICE (O.S.)
‘You there, Kurt?’
A burly, unshaven, guard shuffles into the room. Sleepy eyed. Chaplin drops down over the orderly’s body. Reaches for the gun in the back of his belt. It’s stuck. His weight pins it to the floor. Chaplin tugs. And tugs. It won’t budge. The guard spots Chaplain.
GUARD
‘What the fuck?’
He pulls out a gun. Aims at Chaplin.
BANG. BANG. BANG.
The guard falls to the floor. Chaplin stands frozen to the spot. The orderly’s gun still pointing at where the guard stood. Chaplin looks down at his hand. No shake. Not even the slightest tremor. Dead steady.
CHAPLIN
‘Jesus.’
He moves to the door. Opens it. Not a house. Not a road. Not a tree. Not anything. Just endless snow. Now what?
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Edward Richards puts Essence to Work
What I’ve learned is that essence is the driving force that lies underneath the surface of the scene, that connects emotionally with the audience.
Scene 1
Location: Farm
Logline: Bonnie struggles to operate a combine harvester.
Essence I’ve discovered: Bonnie has just married a farmer and struggles to do basic tasks.
New Logline: Bonnie can’t get four cattle back in their pen
Scene 2
Location: Farm
Logline: Bonnie reacts to seeing protesters on TV
Essence I’ve discovered: Bonnie is still haunted by her decision to lead a student protest.
New Logline: Bonnie unwraps a framed photo of her leading a student protest, sent by her old students. She puts it in the bin.
Scene 3
Location: Window cleaning gondola.
Logline: The protest leader tries to pressure Bonnie to do a TV interview from the gondola.
Essence I’ve discovered: Bonnie only took part in the protest because she was told it was a hit and run action.
New Logline: The protest leader offers to return the gondola to the top of the building after the interview so Bonnie can go home.
Scene 4
Location: Window cleaning gondola.
Logline: Battling high winds, a volunteer fireman goes down in a second gondola to rescue Bonnie.
Essence I’ve discovered: The Police Commissioner has an estranged daughter the same age as Bonnie.
New Logline: Battling high winds, the Police Commissioner joins the volunteer fireman in a second gondola to rescue Bonnie.
Scene 5
Location: Hospital Room
Logline: Bonnie reads about the State Governor rigging the environmental assessment committee
Essence I’ve discovered: The State Governor is also one of the college governors who dismissed Bonnie. They are now sworn enemies.
New Logline. The State Governor delivers a report of the make up of the committee, so that he can gloat. It’s personal.
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Sorry about original post. It went in perfectly but came out a mess. The system doesn’t seem to like Open Office. So I will type it in rather than paste it:
Edward Richards Finds the Essence
Without essence, scenes are like sentences without a full stop (no point!) Without a purpose, they are just decoration.
THE KING’S SPEECH
Scene 1: Early Act 1
Logline: Bertie (the Duke of York) has a consultation with Sir Blandine-Bentham, an eminent speech therapist.
Essence: Demonstrates how archaic conventional treatment is.
Scene 2: Early Act 1
Logline: Bertie has his first consultation with unconventional Lionel Logue.
Essence: Lionel breaks down the barriers by insisting on Christian names, and betting Bertie can read flawlessly.
Scene 3: Act 1
Logline: George VI bullies Bertie into trying to read into a microphone.
Essence: With a likely war imminent and an elder brother who shirks his duties, his father ramps up the pressure on Bertie to solve his speech problem.
Scene 4: Turn into Act 2
Logline: Bertie plays a recording that Lionel made of his reading out loud, and discovers he doesn’t stammer.
Essence: Bertie believes that a cure might be possible – that he can ‘take arms against a sea of troubles’ that are brewing, rather than accept ‘the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune’ (his stammer)
Scene 5: Early Act 2
Logline: When Lionel gets Bertie to sing, his stammer disappears.
Essence: Freed of his stammer, it allows Bertie to open up about his painful childhood.
My selection for most profound essence:
EXT. REGENT’S PARK ORNAMENTAL GARDEN – DAY
Bertie and Lionel come inter view talking. Bertie with his Homburg pulled low, scarf wrapped high. The park is empty and bleak on this winter’s day. One can feel the cold chill. Puffs of steam punctuate the words like smoke signals.
LIONEL
What’s wrong? What’s got you so upset?
BERTIE
Logue, you have no idea. My brother is infatuated with a woman who’s been married twice – and she’s American.
LIONEL
Some of them must be loveable.
BERTIE
(shoots him a look)
She’s asking for a divorce and David is determined to marry her. Mrs Wallis Simpson of Baltimore.
LIONEL
That’s not right. Queen Wallis of Baltimore?
BERTIE
Unthinkable.
LIONEL
Can he do that?
BERTIE
Absolutely not. But he is going to anyway. All hell’s broken loose.
LIONEL
Can they carry on privately?
BERTIE
If only they would.
LIONEL
Where does that leave you?
BERTIE
I know my place! I’ll do anything within my power to keep my brother on the throne.
LIONEL
Has it come to that? But the way things are going, your place may be on the throne.
BERTIE
I am not an alternative to my brother.
LIONEL
If you had to you could outshine David….
Lionel reaches out and gives Bertie a pat of comfort on the shoulder. Bertie pulls back in offended shock.
BERTIE
Don’t take liberties! That’s bordering on treason.
LIONEL
I’m just saying you could be king. You could do it!
BERTIE
That is treason!
They face each other as though in combat.
LIONEL
I’m trying to get you to realise you need not be governed by fear.
BERTIE
I’ve had enough of this!
LIONEL
What are you afraid of?
BERTIE
Your poisonous words!
LIONEL
Why’d you show up then? To take elocution lessons so you can chitchat at posh tea parties?
BERTIE
Don’t instruct me on my duties! I am the brother of a King… the son of a King… we have a history that goes back untold centuries. You’re a disappointing son of a brewer!
(MORE)
You’re a jumped up jackaroo from the outback! You’re nobody. The sessions are over!
Bertie strides off in a fury. Lionel, equally angry, goes in the other direction. Two men moving apart in the cold wintry landscape, the ground mist rising.
Then Lionel stops. Turns. Bertie has disappeared from view.
CLOSE ON LIONEL as he realises… he’s no longer therapist to a man who might have to become king.
ESSENCE: By telling Bertie the truth – that fear prevents him from accepting his brother is a problem and that Bertie would make a better king – Lionel oversteps the mark.
Fear lies at the heart of Bertie’s problem. He feels his brother will be a failure. Fears that he will have to step up. Fears that his attempts at public speaking will expose him as a failure to the whole world, at a time when the country most needs a strong monarch. But he’s too frightened to admit it to himself, let alone to a commoner like Lionel.
-
<font face=”Arial, sans-serif”>
Edward Richards Finds the Essence</font><font face=”Arial, sans-serif”>Without essence, scenes are like sentences without a full stop (no point!).</font>
<font face=”Arial, sans-serif”>Without a purpose, they are just decoration.</font>
<font face=”Arial, sans-serif”>THE KING’S SPEECH</font>
<font face=”Arial, sans-serif”>Scene 1: Early Act 1</font>
<font face=”Arial, sans-serif”>Logline: Bertie (The Duke of York) has a consultation with Sir Blandine-Bentham.</font>
<font face=”Arial, sans-serif”>Essence: Demonstrates how archaic conventional treatment is.</font>
<font face=”Arial, sans-serif”>Scene 2: Early Act 1</font>
<font face=”Arial, sans-serif”>Logline: Bertie has his first consultation with with unconventional Lionel Logue.</font>
<font face=”Arial, sans-serif”>Essence: Lionel breaks down the barriers by insisting on christian names and betting Bertie can read flawlessly.</font>
<font face=”Arial, sans-serif”>Scene 3: Act 1</font>
<font face=”Arial, sans-serif”>Logline: George VI bullies Bertie into trying to read into a microphone.</font>
<font face=”Arial, sans-serif”>Essence: With a likely war imminent and an elder brother who shirks his duties, the pressure ramps up on Bertie to solve his speech problem.</font>
<font face=”Arial, sans-serif”>Scene 4: Turn into Act 2</font>
<font face=”Arial, sans-serif”>Logline: Bertie plays a recording that Lionel made of his reading and discovers he doesn’t stammer.</font>
<font face=”Arial, sans-serif”>Essence: Bertie believes that a cure might be possible – that he can ‘take arms against a sea of troubles’ that are brewing, rather than accept the ‘slings and arrows of outrageous fortune’ (his stammer).</font>
<font face=”Arial, sans-serif”>Scene 5: Early Act 2</font>
<font face=”Arial, sans-serif”>Logline: When Lionel gets Bertie to sing, his stammer disappears.</font>
<font face=”Arial, sans-serif”>Essence: Freed of his stammer, it allows Bertie to open up about his painful childhood.</font>
<font face=”Arial, sans-serif”>My selection for most profound essence:</font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>EXT. REGENT’S PARK ORNAMENTAL GARDEN – DAY</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>Bertie and Logue come into view talking. Bertie with his homburg pulled low, scarf wrapped high. The park is empty and bleak on this winter’s day. One can feel the cold chill; puffs of steam punctuating their words like smoke signals.</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>LIONEL</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>What’s wrong? What’s got you so</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>upset?</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>BERTIE</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>Logue, you have no idea. My brother</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>is infatuated with a woman who’s</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>been married twice – and she’s</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>American.</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>LIONEL</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>Some of them must be loveable.</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>BERTIE</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>(shoots him a look)</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>She’s asking for a divorce and</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>David is determined to marry her.</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>Mrs Wallis Simpson of Baltimore.</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>LIONEL</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>That’s not right. Queen Wallis of</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>Baltimore?</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>BERTIE</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>Unthinkable.</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>LIONEL</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>Can he do that?</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>BERTIE</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>Absolutely not. But he’s going to</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>anyway. All hell’s broken loose.</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>LIONEL</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>Can’t they carry on privately?</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>BERTIE</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>If only they would.</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>LIONEL</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>Where does that leave you?</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>BERTIE</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>I know my place! I’ll do anything</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>within my power to keep my brother</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>on the throne.</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>LIONEL</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>Has it come to that? But the way</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>things are going, your place may be</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>on the throne.</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>BERTIE</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>I am not an alternative to my</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>brother.</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>LIONEL</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>If you had to you could outshine</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>David…</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>Lionel reaches out and gives Bertie a pat of comfort on the shoulder. Bertie pulls back in offended shock.</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>BERTIE</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>Don’t take liberties! That’s</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>bordering on treason.</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>LIONEL</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”2″><font size=”3″>I’m just saying you could be King.</font></font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>You could do it!</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>BERTIE</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”2″><font size=”3″>That is treason!</font></font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>They face each other, as though in combat.</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>LIONEL</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>I’m trying to get you to realise</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>you need not be governed by fear.</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>BERTIE</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>I’ve had enough of this!</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>LIONEL</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>What’re you afraid of?</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>BERTIE</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>Your poisonous words!</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>LIONEL</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>Why’d you show up then? To take</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>polite elocution lessons so you can</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>chit-chat at posh tea parties?</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>BERTIE</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>Don’t instruct me on my duties! I’m</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>the brother of a King…the son of</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>a King…we have a history that</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>goes back untold centuries. You’re</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>the disappointing son of a brewer!</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>57</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>(MORE)</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>A jumped-up jackeroo from the</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>outback! You’re nobody. These</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>sessions are over!</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>Bertie strides off in a fury. Lionel, equally angry, goes in the other direction. Two men moving apart in the cold wintery landscape, the ground mist rising.</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>The Lionel stops. Turns.</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>POV – Bertie has disappeared from view.</font></font>
<font face=”serif”><font size=”3″>CLOSE ON LIONEL as he realises…he’s no longer therapist to a man who might have to become King.</font></font>
<font face=”Arial, sans-serif”>Essence: By telling Bertie the truth – that fear prevents him from accepting that his brother is a problem and that Bertie would make a better king – Lionel oversteps the mark. </font>
<font face=”Arial, sans-serif”>Fear lies at the heart of Bertie’s problem. He fears his brother will be a failure. Fears that he will have to step up. Fears that his attempts at public speaking will expose him as a failure to the whole world, at a time when the country most needs a strong monarch. But he’s too frightened to admit it to himself, let alone to a commoner like Lionel.</font>
-
My name is Edward Richards. I live in Sydney. After a long career as a copywriter, I got retired. Screenwriting seemed like a logical extension, apart from the fact that there was no brief, no budget and no deadline! I have written seven screenplays, all features, most of them comedy. One was a finalist at Austin Film Festival.
I was sold on this course by the thought that if I were lucky enough to sell a screenplay, I would have the tools to deal with any notes I received. And so be able to stay on the case.
Years ago, I had a golf book published. At the time, I thought that finding a publisher seemed like the hardest challenge I’d faced. That was before I started screenwriting.