[Firdaus Bilimoria]

Firdaus F Bilimoria – Lesson 27

SCENE REWRITE

INT. STAGE IN VENICE FILM FESTIVAL AUDITORIUM, NIGHT – NIGHT
An audience of well-dressed film festival goers are seated waiting for the interview to begin. The stage has two chairs.

CARLEY, early 40s, chic and intellectual-looking, and MARCUS, 50s, stylish in a professorial manner, enter.

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Please welcome Carley Horner, well known auteur-director, and Marcus Thomas, the famously erudite and incisive film critic.

The crowd claps for a long minute. Carley and Marcus smile and acknowledge the applause. Carley nods politely at Marcus and at the crowd. Marcus gestures to Carley to sit. They sit.

MARCUS
Thank you Carley for joining us. Your new film, Angels in Disguise, has been very well received here at the Venice Film Festival. Congratulations on yet another great film.

CARLEY
Thank you Marcus.

MARCUS
I must say I was very impressed by your very unique interpretation of day to day people, mediocre in every respect, at least to some of us. Yet you have successfully made a compelling story of such… ordinariness.

Marcus delivery could be interpreted in many different ways, perhaps even as being condescending. Carley’s eyes narrow.

CARLEY
(coolly)
Thank you Marcus, coming from you that is a great boost to my fragile ego. And I must compliment you on being very perceptive of my the quality of my work, ordinary or mediocre as it might appear to some.

Marcus shifts nervously. He didn’t want the interview to turn hostile.

MARCUS
So tell me Carley, how did you transform these regular day to day people, into characters of compelling..

CARLEY
(interrupts Marcus)
I remember your review of my very first film, Marcus. It was so brutal and almost aborted my career before it started.

Gasps in the audience. Someone laughs out loud.

MARCUS
Brutal you say…

CARLEY
Brutal and vicious if I may say so.

MARCUS
Well brutal and vicious is often how your films are described.

CARLEY
Yes! Because I recognize the brutality of life and explore these dark themes in my work!

MARCUS
Well brutal and vicious is a compliment, of course, and that characteristic tone and visual coloring is why audiences, and I, respect your work and find it so compelling.

CARLEY
Brutal and vicious, ordinary and mediocre.

Marcus smiles and gestures helplessly.

MARCUS
I meant that in a metaphorical sense…

CARLEY
(expressive with exaggerated hand gestures)
I apologize I was rude in my first reaction. Its just I am overwhelmed by the great presence of Marcus Thomas, the great film critic and historian.

MARCUS
(smiles)
Are you being sarcastic?

CARLEY
How could you tell? Was I too obvious?

MARCUS
Correction, perhaps you were being passive-aggressive.

CARLEY
I would describe it as aggressive-aggressive, I don’t fool around. Unlike your film critiques which are all over the map, and leave the reader wondering what you really mean.

MARCUS
(laughs)
So I wasn’t that obviously one-sided in my critique of your earlier work. (interrupts Carley as she begins to retort) And by the way, that was a very perceptive critique of my critique style.
Marcus flashes a smile at Carley and at the audience. The audience laughs.

Carley smiles in spite of herself. Carley and Marcus stare at each other.

MARCUS
So let us explore your reaction to my earlier critique, which demolished your life and almost derailed your career. Was it that traumatic?

CARLEY
You are mocking me.

MARCUS
No indulge me, was it really hard on the younger Carley. I don’t know whether I should be more cognizant of the impact of my work on the artists that I critique.

CARLEY
You are making fun of me.

MARCUS
Maybe just a little bit. But wasn’t my approach similar to yours? You are known for your brutal honesty and couldn’t care less for the impact on the viewers’ sensibilities.

CARLEY
I am brutally honest when I present characters in heart-wrenching circumstances faced with difficult choices and impossible imperatives in life! The characters and the stories deserve the brutal honesty from me as the artistic creator!

MARCUS
But a critic like myself faces similar choices. No?

CARLEY
No! Because the critic is merely a second-hand channel for describing the original creator’s work!

MARCUS
Ouch! Second hand channel. Tell us how you really feel! (to the audience) Ms. Carley is pulling no punches here, and I deserve it.

The audience laughs, somewhat nervously.

CARLEY
Ok that was a bit much. I shouldn’t have said it. I apologize.
(beat)
Really. I mean it.

Marcus smiles gently.

MARCUS
So tell me, apart from the disastrous early critique from me, what other trauma has life thrown your way? And don’t get me wrong! Your work is powerful and recognizes the underlying harshness and cruelty of life, that even the most shallow of viewers find compelling and thought-provoking. What is the source of this perspective, this vision? What experiences have led you to this state of perceptiveness and compassion, which I think underlines all your work?

Carley looks at Marcus, almost touched by the question.

MARCUS
(laughs gently)
We are listening.

Carley laughs.

CARLEY
You sound like a shrink.

MARCUS
That is part of my job description you know.

CARLEY
And mine as well.

They smile at each other, recognizing a common ground for the first time.

CARLEY
(slowly)
We have all had our tough times, experiences, abuse, heartbreaks, breakdowns…

Carley pauses. Marcus smiles gently, waits for her to continue.

CARLEY
I guess my life has not been easy at times, and I channel it in my work… But… One of the outcomes, in a good way, is one can learn that life is not easy and recognize it, and bring that to life through our characters.

Marcus waits. He smiles at Carley with compassion and understanding.

CARLEY
I would like to think that my work is not all brutal and harsh, but rather…

MARCUS
Go on…

CARLEY
Rather, I would like to think there is some poignancy, some hope, some better outcome it can lead to…

MARCUS
(gently)
That was very well said Carley. And also I think there is a lesson for all of us in life…

Carley and Marcus stare at each other in understanding.

CARLEY Yes…

The audience applauds.

INT. AFTER PARTY AT VENICE HOTEL, NIGHT
The party is in full swing with the well-heeled crowd of celebrities and movie actors, creatives, producers and business people, in the old-fashioned but swanky hotel dock facing the Venice mainland over the canal.

Carley and Marcus are at opposite ends of the crowd. They notice each other and smile. They walk away from the crowd towards the part of the waterfront which is secluded.

CARLEY
Sorry about being so hard on you.

MARCUS
If I can dish it , I can also take it.

CARLEY
You were insightful.

MARCUS
Part of the job.

They stand by the gentle water in the moonlight. It is tranquil and soothing.

They smile at each other. They continue to stare at each other, recognizing a mutual attraction and passion.

Marcus smiles, but won’t make the first move. Carley touches his shoulder, then his face. They kiss.

[Firdaus Bilimoria]

Firdaus F Bilimoria – Lesson 26 QE Cycle #6: Write this Scene

LOGLINE: Carley and Marcus overcome their past history and recognize they have a similar sense of compassion and insight into life’s harshness.

ESSENCE: Marcus and Carley are more alike than they realize which leads to their recognition of a romantic connection.

SCENE:

INT. STAGE IN VENICE FILM FESTIVAL AUDITORIUM, NIGHT – NIGHT

An audience of well-dressed film festival goers are seated waiting for the interview to begin. The stage has two chairs.

CARLEY, early 40s, chic and intellectual-looking, and MARCUS, 50s, stylish in a professorial manner, enter.

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Please welcome Carley Horner, well known auteur-director, and Marcus Thomas, the famously erudite and incisive film critic.

The crowd claps for a long minute. Carley and Marcus smile and acknowledge the applause. Marcus gestures to Carley to sit. They sit.

MARCUS
Thank you Carley for joining. Your new film, Angels in Disguise, has been very well received here at the Venice Film Festival. Congratulations on yet another great film.

CARLEY
Thank you Marcus, coming from you that is a great boost to my fragile ego.

Marcus’ expression tightens subtly. He recognizes an undercurrent of hostility in Carley’s response.

MARCUS
So tell me Carley..

CARLEY
(interrupts Marcus)
Particularly since your review of my very first film was so brutal and almost aborted my career before it started.

Gasps in the audience. Someone laughs out loud.

MARCUS
Brutal you say…

CARLEY
Brutal and vicious if may say so.

MARCUS
Well brutal and vicious is often how your films are described.

CARLEY
Yes! Because I recognize the brutality of life and explore these dark themes in my work!

MARCUS
Well brutal and vicious is a compliment, of course, and that characteristic tone and visual coloring is why audiences, and I, respect your work and find it so compelling.

CARLEY
(expressive with exaggerated hand gestures)
I apologize I was rude in my first reaction. Its just I am overwhelmed by the great presence of Marcus Thomas, the great film critic and historian.

MARCUS
(smiles)
Are you being sarcastic?

CARLEY
How could you tell? Was I too obvious?

MARCUS
Correction, perhaps you were being passive-aggressive.

CARLEY
I would describe it as aggressive-aggressive, I don’t fool around. Unlike your film critiques which are all over the map, and leave the reader wondering what you really mean.

MARCUS
(laughs)
So I wasn’t that obviously one-sided in my critique of your earlier work. (interrupts Carley as she begins to retort) And by the way, that was a very perceptive critique of my critique style.

Marcus flashes a smile at Carley and at the audience. The audience laughs. Carley smiles in spite of herself. Carley and Marcus stare at each other.

MARCUS
So let us explore your reaction to my earlier critique, which demolished your life and almost derailed your career. Was it that traumatic?

CARLEY
You are making fun of me.

MARCUS
No indulge me, was it really hard on the younger Carley. I don’t know whether I should be more cognizant of the impact of my work on the artists that I critique.

CARLEY
You are making fun of me.

MARCUS
Maybe just a little bit. But wasn’t my approach similar to yours? You are known for your brutal honesty and couldn’t care less for the impact on the viewers’ sensibilities.

CARLEY
I am brutally honest when I present characters in heart-wrenching circumstances faced with difficult choices and impossible imperatives in life! The characters and the stories deserve the brutal honesty from me as the artistic creator!

MARCUS
But a critic like myself faces similar choices. No?

CARLEY
No! Because the critic is merely a second-hand channel for describing the original creator’s work!

MARCUS
Ouch! Second hand channel. Tell us how you really feel! (to the audience) Ms. Carley is pulling no punches here, and I deserve it.

The audience laughs, somewhat nervously.

CARLEY
Ok that was a bit much. I shouldn’t have said it. I apologize.
(beat)
Really. I mean it.

Marcus smiles gently.

MARCUS
So tell me, apart from the disastrous early critique from me, what other trauma has life thrown your way? And don’t get me wrong! Your work is powerful and recognizes the underlying harshness and cruelty of life, that even the most shallow of viewers find compelling and thought-provoking. What is the source of this perspective, this vision? What experiences have led you to this state of perceptiveness and compassion, which I think underlines all your work?

Carley looks at Marcus, almost touched by the question.

MARCUS
(laughs gently)
We are listening.

Carley laughs.

CARLEY
You sound like a shrink.

MARCUS
That is part of my job description you know.

CARLEY
And mine as well.

They smile at each other, recognizing a common ground for the first time.

CARLEY
(slowly)
We have all had our tough times, experiences, heartbreaks, breakdowns, …

Carley pauses. Marcus smiles gently, waits for her to continue.

CARLEY
I guess my life has not been easy at times, and I channel it in my work… But… One of the outcomes, in a good way, is one can learn that life is not easy and recognize it, and bring that to life through our characters.

Marcus waits. He smiles at Carley with compassion and understanding.

CARLEY
I would like to think that my work is not all brutal and harsh, but rather…

MARCUS
Go on…

CARLEY
Rather, I would like to think there is some poignancy, some hope, some better outcome it can lead to…

MARCUS
(gently)
That was very well said Carley. And also I think there is a lesson for all of us in life…

Carley and Marcus stare at each other in understanding.

CARLEY Yes…

The audience claps.

INT. AFTER PARTY AT VENICE HOTEL, NIGHT
The party is in full swing with the well-heeled crowd of celebrities and movie actors, creatives, producers and business people, in the old-fashioned but swanky hotel dock facing the Venice mainland over the canal. Carley and Marcus are at opposite ends of the crowd. They notice each other and smile. They walk away from the crowd towards the part of the waterfront which is secluded.

CARLEY
Sorry about being so hard on you.

MARCUS
If I can dish it out, I can take it.

CARLEY
You were insightful.

MARCUS
Part of the job.

They stand by the gentle water in the moonlight. It is tranquil and soothing. They smile at each other. They continue to stare at each other, recognizing a mutual attraction and passion.
Marcus smiles, but won’t make the first move. Carley touches his shoulder, then his face. They kiss.

• This reply was modified 8 months, 1 week ago by  Firdaus Bilimoria.

[Firdaus Bilimoria]

FIRDAUS F BILIMORIA – LESSON 23 QE Cycle #5: Write This Scene EXERCISE

LOGLINE: Brandy figures out that Phillip has betrayed and framed her for the insider trading that he committed.

ESSENCE: Brandy as a woman of status and power, allows her judgement to be compromised in an inappropriate relationship with her subordinate with devastating consequences on her career and status.

SCENE:

INT. BRANDY’S OFFICE, DAY
It is a large corner office with glass walls with a view of the city. There is a large desk at the center with multiple computer monitors. Further away by the glass wall are sofa chairs facing each other.

BRANDY, 50s, attractive, in designer wear and shoes, with TWO MEN and ONE WOMAN, corporate types, are seated on the sofa chairs in a meeting. They are all laughing at something Brandy said.

A group of men and women, law enforcement types in suits, barge in. SALLY, Brandy’s secretary flutters in nervously next to them.

SALLY
Ms. Devine, these people are from SEC and insisted they wanted to meet you!

Brandy takes it in. She appears calm and composed, almost as if she was expecting them.

BRANDY
(smiles)
Who just got murdered gentlemen? I mean I am in a meeting!

BRISCOE
I am Sgt. Briscoe of the NYPD Financial Crimes Unit. This is Nick Salazar of the SEC Enforcement Division.

SALAZAR
We need to ask you a questions about trading activity by one of your staff that we have been tracking.

BRANDY
I see.
(to her colleagues)
Will you excuse us please?

COLLEAGUE 1
I will call our legal counsel.

BRANDY
That’s all right.

COLLEAGUE 2
(to the cops and SEC group)
Our legal counsel should be present at the meeting.

BRISCOE
If Ms. Devine wants that, sure. This is more of an investigation in Ms. Devine’s and another individuals’ personal trading actions rather than a corporate investigation.

Brandy’s colleagues take that in. They share looks of surprise. Brandy appears embarrassed.

BRANDY
(almost pleading)
Will you excuse us please?

Brandy’s colleagues and Sally leave.

BRISCOE
Ms. Devine are you aware of your subordinate Phillip Adams’ personal trades for purchase of Contango Fintech Holdings?

BRANDY
No I am not.

SALAZAR
And you are having a personal relationship with Phillip Adams?

BRANDY
No I his boss, and mentor.

BRISCOE
Have you had conversations with Phillip Adams about the recently announced acquisition by your Bank of Contango Fintech Holdings?

BRANDY
(beat)
No.

BRISCOE
Ms. Devine, you have just lied to us.
(removes a sheet of paper from his jacket pocket)
We have a warrant for your arrest based on probable cause.

A female officer steps forward and cuffs Brandy.

FEMALE OFFICER
You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you …

BRANDY
Yes I know my rights! Let’s get on with it.

The cops walk Brandy out of her office. A small crowd had collected by Brandy’s office door, watching in shock.

INT. BRANDY’S PENTHOUSE CONDO, NIGHT
There is a knock at the door. Brandy is opening a bottle of wine at the kitchen counter, with two glasses in front of her.

BRANDY
It’s open.

PHILLIP, 30s, good-looking and fit, comes in. Brandy pours the wine in the glasses.

PHILLIP
How are you holding up?

Phillip kisses her gently and holds her comfortingly. Brandy buries her face in his chest, gaining comfort from his physicality. She hands him his glass.

BRANDY
It’s a mess.

PHILLIP
Oh my poor little Brandy.

BRANDY
My lawyer got me out on bail. And the Bank suspended me.

PHILLIP
I heard. That is sooo terrible.

BRANDY
And the Women in Banking group, where I am president, asked me to step aside. That really hurts!

PHILLIP
(massaging her neck)
My poor Brandy baby…

BRANDY
Everything I worked for, my career, status, friends, all up in smoke.

PHILLIP
Would you like Phil to loosen up all the tight ends?

He suggestively strokes her. Brandy seems to enjoy it for a moment, then shakes her head and pulls away. She finishes her glass in one gulp and goes to the counter to pour herself more wine.

PHILLIP
My parents were shocked. You know how they are…
(beat)
They don’t know about us of course, but they are still in shock.

Brandy leans back on the counter and watches him intently. Phillip is a little nervous under her gaze.

PHILLIP
I still don’t understand… What are the charges?

BRANDY
Insider trading.

PHILLIP
Really? On what?

BRANDY
On Contango Holdings.

PHILLIP
Did you buy any?

BRANDY
No but apparently you did.

PHILLIP
I had a small position. But it’s one of many positions. What does that have to do with you?

BRANDY
They said I gave you the information.

PHILLIP
But we never talked about it. I didn’t know about the acquisition until it was announced.

Brandy looks at him then outside the window.

BRANDY
When we were working on the deal, I had papers and reports all over this place.

PHILLIP
(nervous)
But I never read your stuff. You know that.

BRANDY
And I took calls on this as negotiations were going on, you were with me.

PHILLIP
Honestly I didn’t know.

BRANDY
You put two and two together.

PHILLIP
That’s conjecture.

BRANDY
How big is your position?

PHILLIP
Pretty small.

BRANDY
The cops said you booked a ten mil profit on the trade.

PHILLIP
That’s not true.

Brandy is in problem solving mode.

BRANDY
What I don’t understand is, you did the trade. Why did they arrest me? And not you?

PHILLIP
(looks guilty)
I don’t know.

BRANDY
Unless you cut a deal with them. And lied to them. That I told you.
(realizes this is the truth)
I got it right? You screwed me, you ivy-league gigolo!

Philip shakes his head.

BRANDY
And I deserved it! What terrible judgement on my part!

PHILLIP
I am sorry. I got in over my head. I will leave.

BRANDY
You should.

Phillip goes to the door and turns.

PHILLIP
I am really sorry.

Brandy looks at him then turns away. Phillip shuts the door after him.

Brandy speaks to the room, with grim determination.

BRANDY
But you will do the time, Philly boy. I may have lost my name and career, but my lawyer will make sure you will be exposed for your lies.

[Firdaus Bilimoria]

🤩Firdaus F Bilimoria – Interest Scene Lesson 22 exercise

What I learned doing this assignment is using as many interest techniques as possible to enhance the dramatic and emotional impact of a scene.

LOGLINE: Andy is screwed over by his boss Barry once and in an epiphany realizes that getting mad and even beats being the perpetual victim.

SCENE:

EXT. OUTSIDE OFFICE BUILDING, DAY
ANDY, thin framed and bespectaled, walks out of the entrance. He looks agitated. CLOSE UP: Andy is breathing heavily and sweating.

ANDY
(to himself)
I can’t believe it. Buttfuck Barry screwed me!
(exaggerated deep voice, mimicking Barry)
I am putting you on notice Andy, until you change your attitude..
(himself again, angry)
Asshole!

He stares the bar next to the building entrance. He goes in.

INT. INSIDE BAR, DAY
Andy heads over to the bar. It is still early and very few people are in the bar. The bartender is chiseling ice with a ice pick.

ANDY
Scotch please, neat.

Bartender pours him his drink and continues chiseling the ice.

Andy stares into his drink.

ANDY
(mutters to himself)
Day One hundred thirty-nine of sobriety.

He picks up the drink and inhales it, savoring the aroma. He puts it down without drinking from the glass.

BARTENDER
Tough day?

Andy looks at him blankly.

ANDY
The trend is not my friend.

BARTENDER
We have all been there.

Bartender nods and heads to another customer. Andy stares at his drink. He nods to himself as if he made a decision.

INT. OFFICE BOARDROOM, DAY
BARRY, muscular, fit, tanned, is standing at the head of the room, addressing a table full of people. He is obviously in charge. Andy walks in.

BARRY
What brings you back Andy? Weren’t you given some time off to think through your priorities?

ANDY
I had an epiphany. You know, like a sudden realization.

BARRY
I know what an epiphany is. Do you know what a perpetual victim is?

ANDY
I saw the light Barry. You were right.

BARRY
Yeah?…

ANDY
It doesn’t matter that you usurped my project and intellectual output.

Barry’s eyes narrow. He glances at the people at the table, assessing how they take this in.

ANDY
What matters, Barry, is I report to you. And out of respect I should be more cognizant of your feelings and position of authority.

Barry is confused.

ANDY
What I’m saying is Barry, I was out of line. And I am sorry.

A long moment of silence. The tension in the room is palpable.

BARRY
(laughs)
Get out of here, you almost had me there.

Andy laughs. The people at the table laugh. Except for JASMINE who is sitting up front. She stares at Andy with concern.

Andy looks at Jasmine. They hold eyes for a moment. It is obvious they have an emotional connection. Jasmine intuits something is off and Andy might do something. She shakes her head slightly. Andy half-nods at her.

Barry picks up on Andy and Jasmine’s exchange.

BARRY
How badly do you want your job back, Andy?

ANDY
Bad enough. I am here.

BARRY
Get on your knees and lick my shoes you pompous know it all!

JASMINE
That’s enough Barry! You are out of line!

BARRY
Think of it as an emotional group exercise.

INT. BAR, DAY (FLASHBACK)
Andy is staring into his drink.

ANDY
(mutters to himself)
I am not gonna get drunk. I am just gonna get mad… with rage.

He stands up. The bartender is further down the bar talking to a customer. Andy leans over and takes the ice pick from the ice bucket and tucks it in his belt at his back. Andy puts a bill down to pay for the drink and walks out the bar.

INT. OFFICE BOARDROOM, DAY (BACK TO PRESENT)
Andy is on his knees in front of Barry.

BARRY
Come’on college boy, show us all a slice of real life!

ANDY
Life is full of surprises.

Barry picks up on Andy’s rage and is now uneasy.

BARRY
Get out of here, there’s no coming back for you.

Andy removes the ice pick from his belt. Jasmine sees this and screams.

JASMINE Andy No!!

Andy plunges the ice pick into Barry’s foot. Barry screams in pain. Andy then repeatedly thrusts the ice pick into Barry’s leg which gets bloodied. Barry falls down, howling in sheer agony.
The room erupts in panic and pandemonium.

Andy stands up and stares at Jasmine. Jasmine stares back at him with a mixture of horror and excitement.

Andy looks down at Barry.

ANDY
I am gonna walk out of here, but you will be carried out in a stretcher.

Barry is weeping with pain.

BARRY
You crazy!

ANDY
Tell that to the cops, so they don’t charge me. Otherwise I pay you another visit.

• This reply was modified 8 months, 2 weeks ago by  Firdaus Bilimoria.

[Firdaus Bilimoria]

Firdaus F Bilimoria – LESSON 21 EXERCISE

What I learned doing this assignment was using the Reveal Model to move the narrative arc.

SCENE:
INT. BOARDROOM, DAY Its a boardroom with glass paneled walls. MANNING, 40s, senior executive in suit is at head of table. HARRY, LYNETTE, BRIAN, and PHIL, JAMES, and ZOE flank Manning at the table to his right and left sides respectively. The seat at Manning’s left is empty. PHIL sits at the far end of the table, appearing detached from the rest of the crowd.
ALEJANDRO enters and sits next to Manning.

ALEJANDRO
Sorry everyone, got tied up in the traffic.

MANNING
(deferential)
Thanks for coming.

HARRY
(ingratiating)
Glad you could make it it, Alejandro.

LYNETTE
We were just congratulating Harry on his promotion.
(side glance at Phil)
At least most of us were.

ALEJANDRO
Congratulations Harry.

HARRY
Thank you! I look forward to working with you and your team. Together we can deliver some real value to the organization.

ALEJANDRO
Yes yes.

Alejandro glances towards Phil who is leaning back and staring ahead. Alejandro shares a fleeting look with Manning.

MANNING
So we wanted to meet Alejandro and talk some next steps. We have achieved a lot over the last six months in the new strategy.

ALEJANDRO
Yes we have. The results have been gratifying so far.

HARRY
It was a group effort, great team work everyone.

LYNETTE
Yes it was great team work!

Everyone smiles except for Phil.

HARRY
So what’s next Alejandro?

AlEJANDRO
We have to continue on the momentum with our groups working together.

HARRY
We welcome that, we really did some groundbreaking work over the last year.

MANNING
The whole group contributed mightily.

Phil is doodling on his notepad. Manning glances at him. Alejandro glances at Phil, then exchanges a look with Manning.

HARRY
Our whole group is committed to this, Alejandro! You can rely on us!

ALEJANDRO
(unenthused)
Yes yes.

HARRY
We have a presentation for you. Lynette, do you want to start the slide deck on the screen?

LYNETTE
Yes, Harry.

Lynette works on her PC and looks at the TV screen. Alejandro leans over to Manning.

ALEJANDRO
(sotto voice)
You promoted the wrong guy. No matter your personal feelings, we need Phil’s expertise. This was his original vision.

MANNING
He has nowhere to go. He’ll come around.

ALEJANDRO
I hope so.

LYNETTE
Ok folks, here is our take on the future state.

Phil is not watching the screen. He picks up his phone and types a text: “Is the job offer still open?” He hits SEND.

• This reply was modified 8 months, 3 weeks ago by  Firdaus Bilimoria.

[Firdaus Bilimoria]

Firdaus F Bilimoria: Character Relationships

What I learnt doing this assignment was that the traits similarities and differences amongst characters can enhance their mutual relationships and the stakes in their character arcs.

CHARLES: Machiavellian, Controlling, Strategic, Corrupt

RAFAEL: Privileged, Ambitious, Loving, Compassionate

MARIANNA: Loving, Fatalistic, Resilient, Victim

KOZMIK: Psychopath, Violent, Strategic, cognitive empath

PAIRS
CHARLES/ RAFAEL
Charles Machiavellian and committed traits position himself to take advantage of Rafael’s privileged and ambitious traits, making him a kind of mentor that cannot be rebutted in any way by Rafael (Rapport) .
Rafael’s compassionate and loving traits throw up potential roadblocks in his relationship with Charles who expects nothing less than complete dedication to the Firm and its objectives.
The addition of a conscience trait would enable Rafael to call Charles at his game and pursue the right agenda.

CHARLES/ KOZMIK
Charles Machiavellian and committed traits position himself to take advantage of and align with Kozmik’s psychopath and strategic traits, laying the groundwork for cooperation over a joint undertaking, in this case separating Rafael from Marianna.
The same traits have the potential of Kozmik potentially crossing Charles in a competitive situation, however, Charles’ superior position and connections make this unlikely to go very far.
The addition of a psychopath trait to Charles can add to the potential for both cooperation and competition with Kozmik, and raise the stakes in a potential conflict of interest.

RAFAEL/ MARIANNA
Rafael’s loving and compassionate traits make for a good romantic relationship between him and Marianna, given her loving trait.
However, Rafael’s privileged and ambitious traits have the potential to disrupt the relationship with Marianna on account of her past and also her loving and victim traits, which may make her break off with Rafael so that she does not jeopardize his career.
The addition of romantic trait for both Charles and Marianna can raise the stakes in their relationship and their mutual affection.

KOZMIK/ MARIANNA
Kozmik’s psychopath and violent traits make him the obvious sex-trafficker who victimizes Marianna. Even his cognitive empathy allows him to understand Marianna and take advantage of her situation.
Marianna’s victim and fatalistic traits perpetuates the above relationship. However her resilience has the potential for a rebellion against Kozmik.
The addition of a real empathy trait for Kozmik can lead to a more nuanced relationship (with more subtext) with Marianna on his part, he might yearn for her affection while he is enslaving her in a sex trafficking ring.

• This reply was modified 8 months, 4 weeks ago by  Firdaus Bilimoria.

[Firdaus Bilimoria]

Firdaus F Bilimoria Lesson 19 Cycle4 scene REWRITE

LOGLINE: The perpetual victim Maxine deceives and gets her revenge on her boss.

ESSENCE: A clash of two personalities and worlds, the entitled privileged Renee with all the undeserved recognition and success for work that was created by the vulnerable Maxine who finally stands up for herself and exacts vicious revenge.

SCENE:

INT. PUBLIC TELEVISION THEATRE STUDIO
RENEE, 40s, Caucasian, stylishly dressed in understated couture, is being interviewed on a stage in front of a live audience by ROTHMAN, 50s, exudes professorial gravitas.

ROTHMAN
One of the most striking elements in the novel, is your profound treatment of every day lives of regular people.

MAXINE, 30s, mixed-race, bespectacled, is in the audience seated in a side seat. Unlike other members of the audience who are smiling and enjoying the interview, Maxine appears uncomfortable.

RENEE
The proufoundity of the everyday is overwhelming for some of us, and I draw a great deal of inspiration and understanding from this.

CLOSE-UP on Maxine: She smiles bitterly. She looks across the row and locks eyes with BRIAN, 30s, looking at her. She nods imperceptibly, and returns to watching the interview.
The sounds of the interview blur as the camera pans closer into Maxine’s expression, she appears to be undergoing severe emotional pain.

ROTHMAN
Well, Renee, thanks for sharing your literary process with us. It’s been extremely enlightening, and if I may say so, inspirational to us all.

The audience claps with fervor.

RENEE
Thanks for having me! It’s such an honor being interviewed by an esteemed critic as yourself, with such a scholarly audience. (audience claps) Modern literature needs journalists like you, and this audience, to survive.

Renee stands up smiling, holding her joined palms at the chest, and bows to Rothman and then to the audience. The audiences rises in applause. Maxine remains sitting, she turns to see Brian watching her.

LATER:
The studio is almost empty. Maxine and Brian are speaking by the exit. Renee and Rothman are on the stage chatting. Renee keeps looking towards Maxine and Brian. Maxine nods and Brian touches her shoulder. He glances at Renee, and turns and leaves. Maxine leans against the wall and looks towards Renee who is now walking towards her.

RENEE
(smiles broadly)
That was good?

MAXINE
(beat)
Yes.

RENEE
Let’s go to my dressing room. A bottle of champagne is waiting for us!

Renee takes Maxine’s arm and guides her.

INT. DRESSING ROOM
Renee and Maxine walk in. A bucket of ice with a champagne bottle is by the dresser. Renee picks up the bottle and reads the label.

RENEE
Ooh fancy schmancy!

Maxine waits by the door. Renee removes the foil and pops the cork. She giggles joyfully as the champagne overflows from the bottle. There are glasses on the dresser and she fills up two of them. She beckons to Maxine to come over, and hands hers one of the glasses. They clink glasses. Renee takes a sip and makes an expression as if she is in heaven. Maxine sips and smiles politely.

RENEE
We have lots to celebrate!
(beat)
Oh! About that deal… I spoke to my publisher and we will make it worth your while!

MAXINE
Thanks…

RENEE
I saw you talking to that reporter…

MAXINE
Brian…

RENEE
(almost nervous)
He doesn’t know anything. Right?

MAXINE
No.

Renee smiles at Maxine.

MAXINE
We were just chatting.

Still smiling, Renee watches Maxine carefully.

RENEE
(fake warmth)
We couldn’t have done this without you!

Maxine takes a big gulp of the champagne.

RENEE
When we were discussing the deal, the publisher and I, we both agreed that since you did such good work editing (emphasis on “editing”) My book, in addition to the bonus we agreed on, you will get an extra 30 percent! From my end.

Renee waits for a reaction from Maxine.

MAXINE
(flat)
Thanks.

Maxine finishes her glass, then walks to the champagne bucket and refills her glass to the top. She take another long swallow as Renee watches.

RENEE
So… what did you think of the interview?

MAXINE
It was nice.

RENEE
The crowd loved it.

Maxine’s lips almost curl in bitter derision.

MAXINE
It was a good crowd.
(beat)
They liked how you turn certain phrases, almost like some of the characters in the book. Like the ones I created.

Renee evaluates Maxine, she seems not that surprised at the hostility but is apprehensive.

RENEE
What kind of phrases?

MAXINE
Profoundity for one. Is that even in the dictionary?

RENEE
It fits the novel, and the characters.

MAXINE
Which I created. I wasn’t just the editor. You guys brought me on to write the thing. But wouldn’t admit it.

RENEE
We had a deal. The publisher…

MAXINE
Took advantage of my emotional state, with what happened in my family!

RENEE
We were helping you through a tough phase in your life!

MAXINE
You made me write about my life and took credit for it!

RENEE
You are exaggerating! I wrote the book. Some of your ideas made it through maybe, but it’s my work. It’s all in the contract we signed.

MAXINE
You plagiarized my life for heaven’s sake!

Maxine is tearing up, almost hysterical in her angst.

RENEE
Now look here Missy! Where I come from a deal’s a deal and you better stick to the one we signed!

MAXINE
Where you come from? Your ivy league banker parents privileged entitled fucking background! What the fuck do you know about the “profoundity” of everyday people of mixed ethnicity?

Renee regards Maxine with steely eyes.

RENEE
We have a lot of lawyers where we come from. And we know the people in the publishing business. If you want to continue in that line of work. Get my drift?

Maxine smiles at Renee through her tears.

MAXINE
I always wanted to be a writer.

RENEE
(softens)
We can help you with that.

MAXINE
I don’t need your help, I need a breakthrough. Not a fake one engineered by rich parents like yours.

RENEE
Now I am getting tired of you offending my parents and background! I have lots of minority friends.

Maxine laughs, almost hysterically but with real mirth.

MAXINE
Minority friends? Why didn’t you use that phrase in the interview?

RENEE
Now Maxine I have been nothing but nice with you. It’s the champagne talking. Why don’t you go home and sleep it off and we can talk tomorrow.

Renee sets her glass down firmly.

MAXINE
Tomorrow?

RENEE
Yes.

MAXINE
After the news. Brian’s piece comes out tomorrow in the Daily Herald.

RENEE
(alarmed)
What did you tell Brian?

MAXINE
I told him a story, with documented facts. About how my background, my past life and experiences, that I wrote about, was usurped by you and your… publisher in your book. About how it would be impossible for you to come up with those by yourself.

RENEE
We have a contract! And you assured us that it was all fictional!

MAXINE
So sue me! I want to see if your “publisher” wants to be on the wrong side of the news.

RENEE
You devious untruthful girl. You set us up!

MAXINE
Brian has written the story of your deceit and entitled bullshit that makes you think you can plagiarize my material and my life experience that you know nothing about!

Maxine stands up.

RENEE
You little whore! You little pretend victim!

MAXINE
Publicity rules, Miss Renee, you taught me that. It will launch my career. You and your publisher can shove that contract… I will find my own publisher by the time this all gets out.

RENEE
(tearful)
Why are you doing this to me? I have always been supportive.

MAXINE
Channel 6.Tomorrow morning 8 AM. Brian will be interviewed about his article. Watch and weep.

They stare at each other. Renee is afraid of what will now come. Maxine leaves.

Renee collects herself and regains control. She reaches for her phone and makes a call.

RENEE
Dad, I need your help! You know the managing editor at the Daily Herald right?….
Good! One of their reporters is putting a story out tomorrow, a hit job on me!…
Can you stop it?…
Great! Please call me after you speak with him! Love you Dad!

• This reply was modified 9 months, 1 week ago by  Firdaus Bilimoria.

[Firdaus Bilimoria]

Firdaus F Bilimoria Lesson 17 writing exercise

LOGLINE: The perpetual victim Maxine deceives and gets her revenge on her boss.

ESSENCE: A clash of two personalities and worlds, the entitled privileged Renee with all the undeserved recognition and success for work that was created by the vulnerable Maxine who finally stands up for herself and exacts vicious revenge.

TRAIT CHANGED: Maxine – Paranoid to Manipulative

SCENE:

INT. NEWS CHANNEL THEATRE STUDIO RENEE, 40s, Caucasian, stylishly dressed in understated couture, is being interviewed on a stage in front of a live audience by ROTHMAN, 50s, exudes professorial gravitas.

ROTHMAN
One of the most striking elements in the novel, is your profound treatment of every days of regular people.

MAXINE, 30s, mixed-race, bespectacled, is in the audience seated in a side seat. Unlike other members of the audience who are smiling and enjoying the interview, Maxine appears uncomfortable.

RENEE
The proufoundity of the everyday is overwhelming for some of us, and I draw a great deal of inspiration and understanding from this.

CLOSE-UP on Maxine: She smiles bitterly. She looks across the row and locks eyes with BRIAN, 30s, looking at her. She nods imperceptibly, and returns to watching the interview.

The sounds of the interview blur as the camera pans closer into Maxine’s expression.

ROTHMAN
Well, Renee, thanks for sharing your literary process with us. It’s been extremely enlightening, and if I may say so, inspirational to us all.

The audience claps with fervor.

RENEE
Thanks for having me! It’s such an honor being interviewed by an esteemed critic as yourself, with such a scholarly audience. (audience claps) Modern literature needs journalists like you, and this audience, to survive.

Renee stands up smiling, holding her joined palms at the chest, and bows to Rothman and then to the audience. The audiences rises in applause. Maxine remains sitting, she turns to see Brian watching her.

LATER: The studio is almost empty. Maxine and Brian are speaking by the exit. Renee and Rothman are on the stage chatting. Renee keeps looking towards Maxine. Maxine nods and Brian touches her shoulder. He glances at Renee, and turns and leaves. Maxine leans against the wall and looks towards Renee who is now walking towards her.

RENEE
(smiles broadly)
That was good?

MAXINE
(beat)
Yes.

RENEE
Let’s go to my dressing room. A bottle of champagne is waiting for us!

Renee takes Maxine’s arm and guides her.

INT. DRESSING ROOM
Renee and Maxine walk in. A bucket of ice with a champagne bottle is by the dresser. Renee picks up the bottle and reads the label.

RENEE
Ooh fancy schmancy!

Maxine waits by the door. Renee removes the foil and pops the cork. She laughs as the champagne overflows from the bottle. There are glasses on the dresser and she fills up two of them. She beckons to Maxine to come over, and hands hers one of the glasses. They clink glasses.

Renee takes a sip and makes an expression as if she is in heaven. Maxine sips and smiles politely.

RENEE
We have lots to celebrate! (beat) Oh! About that deal, I spoke to my publisher and we will make it worth your while!

MAXINE
Thanks…

RENEE
I saw you talking to that reporter…

MAXINE
Brian…

RENEE
(almost nervous)
He doesn’t know anything. Right?

MAXINE
No.

Renee smiles at Maxine.

MAXINE
We were just chatting.

Still smiling, Renee watches Maxine carefully.

RENEE
(fake warmth)
We couldn’t have done this without you!

Maxine takes a big gulp of the champagne.

RENEE
When we were discussing the deal, the publisher and I, we both agreed that since you did such good work editing
(emphasis on “editing”)
my book, in addition to the bonus we agreed on, you will get an extra 30 percent! From my end.

Renee waits for a reaction from Maxine.

MAXINE
(flat)
Thanks.

RENEE
Good! So… what did you think of the interview?

MAXINE
It was nice.

RENEE
The crowd loved it.

Maxine’s lips almost curl in bitter derision.

MAXINE
It was a good crowd.
(beat)
They liked how you turn certain phrases, almost like some of the characters in the book. Like the ones I created.

Renee evaluates Maxine, she seems not that surprised at the hostility but is apprehensive.

RENEE
What kind of phrases?

MAXINE
Profoundity for one. Is that even in the dictionary?

RENEE
It fits the novel, and the characters.

MAXINE
Which I created. I wasn’t just the editor. You guys brought me on to write the thing. But wouldn’t admit it.

RENEE
We had a deal. The publisher…

MAXINE
Took advantage of my emotional state, with what happened in my family!

RENEE
We were helping you through a tough phase in your life!

MAXINE
You made me write about my life and took credit for it!

RENEE
You are exaggerating! I wrote the book. Some of your ideas made it through but it’s my work. It’s all in the contract we signed.

MAXINE
You plagiarized my life for heaven’s sake!

Maxine is tearing up, almost hysterical in her angst.

RENEE
Now look here Missy! Where I come from a deal’s a deal and you better stick to the one we signed!

MAXINE
Where you come from? Your ivy league banker parents privileged entitled fucking background! What the fuck do you know about the “profoundity” of everyday people of mixed ethnicity?

Renee regards Maxine with steely eyes.

RENEE We have a lot of lawyers where we come from. And we know the people in the publishing business. If you want to continue in that line of work. Get my drift?

Maxine smiles at Renee through her tears.

MAXINE
I always wanted to be a writer.

RENEE
(softens)
We can help you with that.

MAXINE
I don’t need your help, I need a breakthrough. Not a fake one engineered by rich parents like yours.

RENEE
Now I am getting tired of you offending my parents and background! I have lots of minority friends.

Maxine laughs, almost hysterically but with real mirth.

MAXINE
Minority friends? Why didn’t you use that phrase in the interview?

RENEE
Now Maxine I have been nothing but nice with you. It’s the champagne talking. Why don’t you go home and sleep it off and we can talk tomorrow.

Renee sets her glass down firmly.

MAXINE Tomorrow?

RENEE
Yes.

MAXINE
After the news. Brian’s piece comes out tomorrow.

RENEE
(alarmed)
What did you tell Brian?

MAXINE
I told him a story, with documented facts. About how my background, my past life and experiences, that I wrote about, was usurped by you and your… publisher in your book. About how it would be impossible for you to come up with those by yourself.

RENEE
We have a contract! And you assured us that it was all fictional!

MAXINE
So sue me! I want to see if your “publisher” wants to be on the wrong side of the news.

RENEE
You devious untruthful girl. You set us up!

MAXINE
Brian will write the story of your deceit and entitled bullshit that makes you think you can plagiarize my material and my life experience that you know nothing about!

Maxine stands up.

RENEE You little whore! You little pretend victim!

MAXINE
Publicity rules Miss Renee. You taught me that. It will launch my career. You and your publisher can shove that contract… I will find my own publisher by the time this all gets out.

RENEE
(tearful)
Why are you doing this to me? I have always been supportive.

MAXINE
Channel 6.Tomorrow morning 8 AM. Brian will be interviewed about his article. Watch and weep.

They stare at each other. Renee is afraid of what will now come. Maxine leaves.

• This reply was modified 9 months, 1 week ago by  Firdaus Bilimoria.
• This reply was modified 9 months, 1 week ago by  Firdaus Bilimoria.

[Firdaus Bilimoria]

Firdaus F Bilimoria Lesson 15 Nancy and Squire Scene Rewrite:

INT. BANK BACK OFFICE, DAY
It is a large hall of shared space open office concept workstations surrounded with executive offices and meeting rooms at the periphery. Less than half of the desks in the main hall are occupied.
NANCY, 30s, in suit and heels, walks purposefully holding her laptop and an oversized coffee thermos mug. She stops by SQUIRE, 50s, dressed in polo shirt that emphasize his large biceps, khakis and Birkenstock sandals. Squire is eating an apple as he stares at one of the computer screens on his desk. The screen that Squire is watching reads “Top 50 experiences in Barcelona.”

NANCY
If you can take a break from planning your next vacation, we need to talk.

SQUIRE
(broad grin)
Now?

NANCY
Now.

Squire follows Nancy into her office. He seems to admire the rear view of Nancy as she leads him into the office.

INT. NANCY’S OFFICE, DAY
Nancy’s office is small but has a window overlooking the downtown core. Her desk is clutter with stacked files and working papers. There is a picture of a Labrador retriever on her desk.
Nancy puts her laptop on the desk and takes a long gulp from her coffee mug. Squire sits down facing her, and smiles broadly.

SQUIRE
What’s up?

NANCY
I was in the Directors’ weekly meeting. Can you guess what came up?

SQUIRE
I don’t know, but commodities are up, rates are inverting again, the Euro’s weak, and…

NANCY
(exasperated)
Squire!

SQUIRE
My point is, it’s a great time for a European vacation. Maybe Barcelona, maybe Paris, maybe Venice, maybe all three!

Squire smiles at Nancy, knowing she doesn’t like to travel.

NANCY
Fascinating, but…

SQUIRE
(interrupts her)
But I’m also looking at Venezuela, never been there. And there other advantages besides the right-wing dimwit who rules the land!

NANCY
Charming.

SQUIRE
Well you know me…

NANCY
Said the 50-something Peter Pan wannabe.

Squire laughs. Nancy is not smiling.

NANCY
Seriously…

SQUIRE
(interrupts her again)
There was a time when I wanted to be just like you, and climb the ladder. But the rungs were so slippery and I never got anywhere.

NANCY
Good thing you are good at what you do. Why are we having this conversation now?

SQUIRE
Because I’m in the mood, are you ever in the mood Nancy?

Nancy ignores the double entendre.

NANCY
The risk and audit teams blew up the meeting today. They seem to think we have had an AML breakdown.

Nancy watches Squire carefully. Squire nods thoughtfully.

SQUIRE
You know what’s funny, AML could mean “All Mighty Lord” as much as “Anti Money Laundering”.

Nancy paces. She seems nervous.

NANCY
They are going to audit us. The big boss wants us to do an in-depth review.

SQUIRE
Us meaning the AML office.

Nancy stares at him. Squire leans back and smiles at her. He crosses his arms, flexing his muscles. Nancy follow his movements with her eyes. She stares into his eyes.

NANCY
You remember the Crypto Kings fund that we cleared.

SQUIRE
(overly casual)
Three months back. I remember my recommendation on that. We should have escalated that matter. But…

NANCY
You were right.

SQUIRE
You overruled me…

They stare at each other. Nancy is suppressing her concern. Squire underneath his carefree demeanor is gauging her.

NANCY
You always resented that I was promoted over you. You were my mentor after all.

Squire chuckles, genuinely amused. Nancy is surprised. She expected more of a reaction to her offensiveness.

SQUIRE
No hard feelings. I’m at a stage in life when this is just a job. Which I’m very good at. And so are you…

Nancy doesn’t reply. She watches him.

SQUIRE
Which is why I wondered why you took such a strong position, so unlike you.

NANCY
I made a judgement call.

SQUIRE
You took a pretty big risk though. Why?

Nancy shrugs and walks to the window and looks down. Squire stares at her, admiring her form.

SQUIRE
Venezuela.

NANCY
What?

SQUIRE
The best thing about the place is they do not extradite to the USA.

Nancy almost loses composure. She stares at Squire.

NANCY
(apprehensive)
What are you saying?

SQUIRE
Like I said, I’m good at my job. And I have my methods. And sources.

NANCY
(now steely)
Enlighten me.

SQUIRE
I have a good idea about the bitcoin payback the Crypto fund gave you.

NANCY
(furious, afraid)
What in God’s name are you saying?!

SQUIRE
I am a friend, really. Okay, more an admirer. To be technical, I got the hots for you. We both knew that, that’s how you played me.
(beat)
Okay that was unprofessional but permissible under the circumstances. Besides this conversation never happened.

Nancy controls her anxiety and breathing and stares at Squire.

NANCY
I always liked you Squire.

SQUIRE
(doesn’t buy it)
I know.
(beat)
See Switzerland has no extradition but is risky. Venezuela, is the best bet, under the circumstances. I will create a massive file for the Risk folks which will take them at least a couple of weeks to sort through. By then you have a family emergency and take off…

NANCY
What’s in it for you? Besides my incredible hotness?

They laugh.

SQUIRE
I don’t know. Maybe I’m just a nice guy.

Nancy has a moment of realization.

NANCY
My goodness, you have a position in the Crypto Fund!

Squire is taken aback, but then he laughs.

SQUIRE
Hypothetically, maybe I piggybacked on your trade. But difference is I got the goods on you. My position can’t be traced back to me.

NANCY
You bastard! When I run, you are in the clear.

Squire’s smiles dazzlingly. They understand each other.

SQUIRE
For the record, I do find you incredibly hot.

NANCY
(coy)
What makes you think… your position can’t be traced back to you?

Squire is uneasy but recovers.

SQUIRE
Even if that were the case, all you do is go from a win-win to a lose-lose.

Nancy smiles at Squire. She seems to know something that Squire doesn’t. He can’t figure it out and is nervous.

NANCY
Well, this isn’t over and I am not going anywhere. My Dad’s in hospice and I won’t abandon him.

They stare at each other. Squire doesn’t know what to say.

NANCY
(business like)
Well Squire, have the file ready for the Risk Group by tomorrow. Please.

Nancy turns away and goes to the window and stares out, implicitly dismissing Squire.

• This reply was modified 9 months, 2 weeks ago by  Firdaus Bilimoria. Reason: Formatting issues

[Firdaus Bilimoria]

Firdaus F Bilimoria Lesson 14 QE Cycle#3 Scene

LOGLINE: Nancy and Squire find out they have both broken securities regulations and are at risk of being exposed, and figure a way out.

ESSENCE: Nancy and Squire, in spite of their apparent difference in status in the corporate chain of command, are at risk of being exposed as financial criminals. They try to outwit each other, but also have a common ground and co-dependency in their respective exit strategies.

SCENE:
INT. BANK BACK OFFICE, DAY
It is a large hall of shared space open office concept workstations surrounded with executive offices and meeting rooms at the periphery. Less than half of the desks in the main hall are occupied. NANCY, 30s, in suit and heels, walks purposefully holding her laptop and an oversized coffee thermos mug. She stops by SQUIRE, 50s, dressed in polo shirt that emphasize his large biceps, khakis and Birkenstock sandals. Squire is eating an apple as he stares at one of the computer screens on his desk. The screen that Squire is watching reads “Top 50 experiences in Barcelona.”

NANCY
If you can take a break from planning your next vacation, we need to talk.

SQUIRE
(broad grin)
Now?

NANCY
Now.

Squire follows Nancy into her office. He seems to admire the view of Nancy and she leads him into the office.

INT. NANCY’S OFFICE, DAY
Nancy’s office is small but has a window overlooking the downtown core. Her desk is clutter with stacked files and working papers. There is a picture of a Labrador retriever on her desk. Nancy puts her laptop on the desk and takes a long gulp from her coffee mug. Squire sits down facing her, and smiles broadly.
SQUIRE
What’s up?
NANCY
I was in the Directors’ weekly meeting. Can you guess what came up?
SQUIRE
I don’t know, but commodities are up, rates are inverting again, the Euro’s weak, and…
NANCY
(exasperated)
Squire!
SQUIRE
My point is, it’s a great time for a European vacation. Maybe Barcelona, maybe Paris, maybe Venice, maybe all three!

Squire smiles at Nancy, knowing she doesn’t like to travel much.

NANCY
Fascinating, but…

SQUIRE
(interrupts her)
But I’m also looking at Venezuela, never been there. And there other advantages besides the right-wing dimwit who rules the land!

NANCY
Charming.

SQUIRE
Well you know me…

NANCY
Said the 50-something Peter Pan wannabe.

Squire laughs. Nancy is not smiling.

NANCY
Seriously…

SQUIRE
(interrupts her again)
There was a time when I wanted to be just like you, and climb the ladder. But the rungs were so slippery and I never got anywhere.

NANCY
Good thing you are good at what you do. Why are we having this conversation now?

SQUIRE
Because I’m in the mood, are you ever in the mood Nancy?

Nancy ignores the double entendre.

NANCY
The risk and audit teams blew up the meeting today. They seem to think we have had an AML breakdown.

Nancy watches Squire carefully. Squire nods thoughtfully.

SQUIRE
You know what’s funny, AML could mean “All Mighty Lord” as much as “Anti Money Laundering”.

NANCY
They are going to audit us. The big boss wants us to do an in-depth review.

SQUIRE
Us meaning the Anti Money Laundering office.

Nancy stares at him. Squire leans back and smiles at her. He crosses his arms, flexing his muscles. Nancy follow his movements with her eyes. She stares into his eyes.

NANCY
You remember the Crypto Kings fund that we cleared.

SQUIRE
(overly casual)
Three months back. I remember my recommendation on that. We should have escalated that matter. But…

NANCY
You were right.

SQUIRE
You overruled me…

They stare at each other. Nancy is suppressing her concern. Squire underneath his carefree demeanor is gauging her.

SQUIRE
No hard feelings. I’m at a stage in life when this is just a job. Which I’m very good at. And so are you…

Nancy doesn’t reply. She watches him.

SQUIRE
Which is why I wondered why you took such a strong position, so unlike you.

NANCY
I made a judgement call.

SQUIRE
You took a pretty big risk though. Why?

Nancy shrugs and walks to the window and looks down. Squire stares at her, admiring her form.

SQUIRE Venezuela.

NANCY What?

SQUIRE
The best thing about the place is they do not extradite to the USA.

Nancy almost loses composure. She stares at Squire.

NANCY
What are you saying?

SQUIRE
Like I said, I’m good at my job. And I have my methods. And sources.

NANCY
Enlighten me.

SQUIRE
I have a good idea about the bitcoin payback the Crypto fund gave you.

NANCY
(furious, afraid)
What in God’s name are you saying?!

SQUIRE
I am a friend really. Okay, more an admirer. To be technical, I got the hots for you.
(beat)
Okay that was unprofessional but permissible under the circumstances. Besides this conversation never happened.

Nancy controls her anxiety and breathing and stares at Squire.

NANCY
I always liked you Squire.

SQUIRE
(doesn’t buy it)
I know.
(beat)
See Switzerland has no extradition but is risky. Venezuela, is the best bet to start with. I will create a massive file for the Risk folks which will take them at least a couple of weeks to sort through. By then you have a family emergency and take off…

NANCY
What’s in it for you? Besides my incredible hotness?

They laugh.

SQUIRE
I don’t know. Maybe I’m just a nice guy.

Nancy has a moment of realization.

NANCY
My goodness, you have a position in the Crypto Fund!

Squire is taken aback, but then he laughs.

SQUIRE
Hypothetically, maybe I piggybacked on your trade. But difference is I got the goods on you.

NANCY
You bastard! When I run, you are in the clear.

Squire’s smiles dazzlingly. They understand each other.

SQUIRE
For the record, I do find you incredibly hot.

• This reply was modified 9 months, 2 weeks ago by  Firdaus Bilimoria. Reason: Formatting issues
• This reply was modified 9 months, 2 weeks ago by  Firdaus Bilimoria.

[Firdaus Bilimoria]

Firdaus F Bilimoria – Max Interest 2

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is the potential of using more extreme character actions and traits to heighten the drama and conflict in the scene and the story arc.

Current Scene Logline:
Rafael and Marianna run into two escorts who previously worked with Marianna in a brothel before she was rescued by the police.

Essence:
Marianna is shocked to the core when she meets two escorts from her previous life as a victim of a sex-ring, when is with her new love Rafael, and just beginning to believe in a happy future with man she loves and who loves her back. This meeting not only resurfaces all the old trauma but has the potential of destroying her new-found happiness.

Interest techniques for the rewrite
– Hook – surprise encounter of Marianna with people from her past life as a sex ring victim
– Dilemna – Marianna cannot tell Yvette to stop bothering her, nor can she reveal to Rafael her situation and need for his help
– Uncomfortable moment with potential for danger for Marianna whose past is in danger of being revealed as well as her previous tormentor returning to her life
– Something unseen or unknown – Marianna and Yvette’s past life in a brothel and their tormentor Koz, are unknown to Rafael
– Anticipatory dialogue – Yvette warns Marianna of their Koz who Marianna had helped put in jail, coming after Marianna

SCENE
EXT. YORKVILLE, DAY Rafael and Marianna walk holding hands. They look happy. They run into a couple of women. They are Yvette and Bianca from Charles’ party. They recognize Rafael and smile naughtily at him.
BIANCA Hi!
YVETTE Hi!
Rafael looks at them blankly, then recognizes them. He is embarrassed.
RAFAEL Oh hi.
At the same time Yvette and Marianna stare at each other in recognition. They are both surprised. Marianna hides her shock.
YVETTE Hello… Alice!
Yvette takes in the intimacy between Rafael and Marianna. Bianca senses Yvette’s change in demeanor and watches Marianna carefully. Marianna shakes her head imperceptibly.
YVETTE Alice, I haven’t seen you since that time in New York…
Marianna is like a deer caught in the headlights.
BIANCA You were together in New York? Rafael is confused.
YVETTE Yes, she is why Koz was in jail…
BIANCA Oh…
INT. FLASHBACK, BROTHEL, NIGHT Marianna and Yvette among the girls dressed in lingerie standing in line in the brothel. Koz slowly walks by them, inspecting them. They are afraid of him. He stops by Marianna. His expression softens, almost in genuine fondness. He touches her cheek lightly. He continue walking. Marianna’s expression is one of hopelessness.
EXT. YORKVILLE, DAY Marianna turns ashen and looks away then at Yvette pleadingly.
YVETTE (resentful) So you are going well, Alice. Maybe better than some of us.
MARIANNA
(almost whispers) My name is not Alice.
Rafael does not pick up on the interaction between Marianna and Yvette, he is feeling awkward himself.
RAFAEL Nice to see you again. But this is not Alice.
Yvette laughs with real mirth.
YVETTE She’s fooled you. Right Alice? (to Rafael, laughing) She’s naughty, just like you like them.
RAFAEL (confused, but now a little peeved) Ladies, it was really nice meeting you.
YVETTE Yes it was!
RAFAEL Take care now.
Rafael takes Marianna’s hand and starts walking her away from the two.
YVETTE (calls after them) Yes you two take care. (beat) Oh Alice, Koz is in in town here. Maybe you two get together and catch up on old times…
Rafael walks away hurriedly pulling Marianna with him. Marianna looks back for a moment. Her face is ashen. Yvette stares after her with a vengeful expression. Rafael and Marianna walk in silence.
RAFAEL Sorry, met them at a party, not exactly people I care for. But what was that about Alice?
Marianna barely registers. She shakes her head blankly. Rafael stares at Marianna, noticing her change in demeanor. He starts to ask her about this but decides against. They continue walking. Rafael puts his arm around Marianna.

• This reply was modified 9 months, 3 weeks ago by  Firdaus Bilimoria.

[Firdaus Bilimoria]

Firdaus F Bilimoria Challenging Situations

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is the potential of using more extreme character actions and traits to heighten the drama and conflict in the scene and the story arc.

Scene 1:
A. Current Scene Logline:
Rafael and Marianna run into two escorts who previously worked with Marianna in a brothel before she was rescued by the police.

B. Essence:
Marianna is shocked to the core when she meets two escorts from her previous life as a victim of a sex-ring, when is with her new love Rafael, and just beginning to believe in a happy future with man she loves and who loves her back. This meeting not only resurfaces all the old trauma but has the potential of destroying her new-found happiness.

C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges.
– the two escorts are jealous and resentful of Marianna’s new life
– the two escorts play with Marianna and hint at her “naughtiness” with Rafael
– they implicitly threaten Marianna
– Marianna is humiliated and threatened, and reacts defensively
– Rafael sees another side to Marianna and is confused by her behaviour

D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.
All of the listed challenges can be incorporated into the new scene to make it more powerful

Scene 2:
A. Current Scene Logline:
Rafael is having lunch with Marianna when Rafael’s boss Charles runs into them.

B. Essence:
Charles can tell that Marianna is not of the same social strata and therefore not an asset to Rafael’s career at Charles’ firm. Also Charles intuits that Marianna has some emotional baggage or trauma that may result in “complications” for Rafael and the firm.

C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges:
Marianna says something innocently that Charles intentionally misconstrues as inappropriate
Charles asks Marianna about her background and Marianna is awkward in her response
Charles signals to Rafael his disapproval of Marianna even though it is not his place to pass such judgement.

D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.
All of the listed challenges can be incorporated into the new scene to make it more powerful

• This reply was modified 9 months, 3 weeks ago by  Firdaus Bilimoria.

[Firdaus Bilimoria]

Title: Firdaus F Bilimoria – Full-out Characters
What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is to enhance characters’ traits and motivations in order to create more compelling character and story arcs. ….

1.
Current Profile
DESCRIPTION: MARIANNA is a survivor of a sex trafficking ring who is still traumatized by her past.
TRAITS: Gentle, Caring, Straightforward, Hard-Working
SUBTEXT: Marianna is traumatized by her past but tries to forget and hopes for a normal life with some happiness in the future.
Revised Profile
DESCRIPTION: MARIANNA is a survivor of a sex trafficking ring who when confronted by her tormentor from the past, unleashes the demons within her.
TRAITS: Hopeful, Stoic, Resilient, Ferocious
SUBTEXT: Marianna conceals inner relentless and ferocious nature, even from herself until the dangers from her past resurface.

2.
Current Profile
DESCRIPTION: RAFAEL is a successful young man of privilege who longs for something or someone meaningful in his life.
TRAITS: Ambitious, Competent, Risk-Averse, Indulgent
SUBTEXT: Rafael is on the fast track in his firm until he meets and falls in love with Marianna who has a hidden past.
Revised Profile
DESCRIPTION: RAFAEL is successful young man who realizes he has to jeopardize his career and privilege to save the woman he loves and stand true to his values.
TRAITS: Ambitious, Aspirational, Compassionate, Brave
SUBTEXT: Rafael finds the courage and moral strength within himself to stand up for the woman he loves even though it will cost him his career.

3.
Current Profile
DESCRIPTION: CHARLES is a cynical and corrupt corporate chieftain who mentors Rafael.
TRAITS: Smooth, Strategic, Machiavellian, Ruthless.
SUBTEXT: Charles recognizes the threat to his firm and Rafael from Rafael’s continued relationship with Marianna.
Revised Profile
DESCRIPTION: CHARLES is a ruthless and cynical corporate chieftain who wants Rafael to sacrifice his love for Marianna as a rite of passage into a senior management role
TRAITS: Machiavellian, Ruthless, Corrupt, Sociopathic
SUBTEXT: Charles is appalled and concerned about Rafael’s relationship with an ex-sex worker, and uses this as an opportunity to initiate Rafael into the cruel realities of life and make Rafael sacrifice his love and ideals as a price of success.

• This reply was modified 9 months, 3 weeks ago by  Firdaus Bilimoria.
• This reply was modified 9 months, 3 weeks ago by  Firdaus Bilimoria.

[Firdaus Bilimoria]

Firdaus Rewrite
LOGLINE: Nick, a crooked Narc cop who is now a stool for IAD and wearing a wire, tries to get his mentor John to incriminate himself, while John tries to confirm his own suspicions about Nick before he decides to take action.
ESSENCE: Two corrupt cops in an existential struggle for self-preservation, grapple with their core values, friendship and affection for each other.
SCENE:

EXT. TIMMONS SQUARE, DAY It is a large square in the urban underbelly of a beaten down city. It looks desolate even with the car traffic and the dealers, hookers and junkies shuffling around the street. NICK, 30s, in jeans, leather jacket and sneakers, out of place and obviously a cop from his confident stride and demeanor, crosses the main intersection. He passes a parked non-descript minivan with two guys in the front. One of them is intently watching the rearview mirror, while the other casually throws a cigarette out the passenger window. NICK glances at the man in the passenger seat and subtly flashes his middle finger before he scratches the side of his face. Nick continues walking and turns into an alleyway.
EXT. ALLEYWAY, DAY JOHN, 40s, fellow cop, muscular frame, in jeans, hoodie and sneakers, stands at the back of a Chinese restaurant halfway into the alley, watches NICK as he approaches.
NICK I thought you hate Chinese food.
JOHN What’s up Nick?
NICK You tell me. You wanted to meet here.
John watches Nick’s face and the street behind him from which he entered the alley.
JOHN Some of the best busts are behind stinky restaurants.
Nick shrugs, he watches John casually. We sense an undercurrent of tension and expectation.
NICK Are we making a bust on the fly, like the one last month?
JOHN Spontaneity my friend is the road to success.
NICK Hey I appreciate success, pretty happy with my share from that one.
John doesn’t respond. He holds Nick’s eye then nods and looks away.
NICK Hey I’m looking to buy some investment property, on a cash basis, so another bust or two like that, and I’m a happy boy! (almost too casually) What do you do with your share John?
John is inscrutable.
JOHN Remember the time we took on the Dicksy Brothers crew?
NICK You saved my life.
JOHN When you save someone, you feel responsible for them.
NICK I owe you big time.
John nods.
JOHN Montoya is nervous about something.
Nick stays silent. He stares intently at John.
JOHN IAD is sniffing around.
NICK The Cap is being paranoid, they are always sniffing around.
JOHN Something’s different this time. (beat) Have they talked to you?
NICK (shrugs) They are always around, I just ignore them.
John nods thoughtfully. Nick waits.
JOHN Big part of this job, is loyalty. And love for your fellow narc.
NICK (chuckles) Love for your fellow narc, I’m going to write that down.
JOHN Do the right thing by your fellow officers, clean up the mess in the town, and hold your head high. (beat) What do you think?
Nick is startled by the question.
NICK Yeah…
JOHN No one thought you’d last long, but you did.
NICK I was trained by the best.
John paces for a moment.
JOHN The other week, after the bust on Dunby Street…
Nick almost flinches.
JOHN You were gone a full day after that…
NICK I had a bad cold. Or was it an all-nighter with this girl I just started seeing.
John regards Nick carefully, taking in his nervousness.
JOHN Joshua said he thought IAD was tailing us after the bust. But we lost them, and you were in your car. You called and said something came up, and would see us later.
NICK (fidgets) Yeah something came up, the girl… she texted me something and I thought since we were done I would catch up later.
JOHN We thought you ran off with the loot, but next day you brought it in.
NICK Yeah!
JOHN Is that when IAD turned you?
Nick looks at John trapped in his relentless gaze.
An old Chinese restaurant worker steps out the back door with a large bag of garbage. He nods at the two cops and dumps the bag in the garbage bin. He stares at the cops watching him and returns inside.
Nick shakes his head and grimaces.
NICK Listen… I didn’t want to get involved in your business, but I should have told you sooner. Angie…
JOHN (blank) What about Angie?
NICK (makes a face) You guys broke up, but I bet you didn’t know why she left… about her and Montoya.
John takes this in.
JOHN Montoya’s seeing Angie?
NICK Was seeing her. I mean it must be that loyalty crap, right? Sleep with your fellow officer’s woman, make her break up with him and stop seeing her too, so the show can go on…
John stares at Nick for a long moment, torn between distrust and his emotion for his lost love. He looks away. Nick waits.
JOHN We have a bust coming up soon, we meet the team in a half-hour.
Nick takes this in. He suddenly gets animated.
NICK Come on man! Admit it, just between the two of us. We are both corrupt cops who steal from the dealers, and report to a corrupt Captain who has ruined our lives…
John grabs Nick and rips open his jacket collar to reveal a taped mike on Nick’s chest. He smiles grimly at Nick.
JOHN (speaking into the wire receiver) Why would I kill you? And why would I admit to all this bullshit that’s just not true.
Nick pushes him away. He is scared.
NICK Come’on Montoya messed up the one good thing you had going, and you are going to kill me for him?
JOHN You’re loosing it. Let’s go.
NICK If you think I’m going on another bust with you guys to get conveniently shot in the line of duty, you are crazy!
They stare at each other.
JOHN (contemptuous) You are not fit for this job. You should call the mental health hotline. They might help you.
Nick nods slowly, relieved at the way out presented to him. John punches Nick hard catching him by surprise, and Nick goes down.
Nick holds the wire receiver tight so as to make inaudible what he is going to say.
NICK Maybe Montoya gets shot in the bust instead. Payback for Angie, and maybe solve all our problems?
They stare at each other.

[Firdaus Bilimoria]

Firdaus
LOGLINE: Nick, a crooked Narc cop who is now a stool for IAD and wearing a wire, tries to get his mentor John to incriminate himself, while John tries to confirm his own suspicions about Nick before he decides to take action.
ESSENCE: Two corrupt cops in an existential struggle for self-preservation, grapple with their core values, friendship and affection for each other.

SCENE
EXT. TIMMONS SQUARE, DAY
It is a large square in the urban underbelly of a beaten down city. It looks desolate even with the car traffic and the dealers, hookers and junkies shuffling around the street.
NICK, 30s, in jeans, leather jacket and sneakers, out of place and obviously a cop from his confident stride and demeanor, crosses the main intersection.
He passes a parked non-descript minivan with two guys in the front. One of them is intently watching the rearview mirror, while the casually throws a cigarette out the passenger window.
NICK glances at the man in the passenger seat and subtly flashes his middle finger before he scratches the side of his face.
Nick continues walking and turns into an alleyway.
EXT. ALLEYWAY, DAY
JOHN, 40s, fellow cop, muscular frame, in jeans, hoodies and sneakers, stands at the back of a Chinese restaurant halfway into the alley, watches NICK as he approaches.
NICK
I thought you hate Chinese food.
JOHN
What’s up Nick?
NICK
You tell me. You wanted to meet here.
John watches Nick’s face and the street behind him from which he entered the alley.
JOHN
Some of the best busts are behind stinky restaurants.
Nick shrugs, he watches John casually. We sense an undercurrent of tension and expectation.
NICK
Are we making a bust on the fly, like the one last month?
JOHN
Spontaneity my friend is the road to success.
NICK
Hey I appreciate success, pretty happy with my share from that one.
John doesn’t respond. He holds Nick’s eye then nods and looks away.
NICK
Hey I’m looking to buy some investment property, on a cash basis, so another bust or two like that, and I’m a happy boy!
(almost too casually)
What do you do with your share John?
John is inscrutable.
JOHN
Remember the time we took on the Dicksy Brothers crew?
NICK
You saved my life.
JOHN
When you save someone, you feel responsible for them.
NICK
I owe you big time.
John nods.
JOHN
Montoya is nervous about something.
Nick stays silent. He stares intently at John.
JOHN
IAD is sniffing around.
NICK
The Cap is being paranoid, they are always sniffing around.
JOHN
Something’s different this time.
(beat)
Have they talked to you?
NICK
I run into them every now and then…
(shrugs)
They are always showing up.
John nods thoughtfully. Nick waits.
JOHN
Big part of this job, is loyalty. And love for your fellow narc.
NICK
(chuckles)
Love for your fellow narc, I’m going to write that down.
JOHN
Do the right thing by your fellow officers, clean up the mess in the town, and hold your head high. What do you think?
Nick is startled by the question.
NICK
Yeah…
JOHN
No one thought you’d last long, but you did.
NICK
I was trained by the best.
John paces for a moment.
JOHN
The other week, after the bust on Dunby Street…
Nick almost flinches.
JOHN
You were gone a full day after that…
NICK
I had a bad cold. Or was it an all-nighter with this girl I just started seeing.
John regards Nick carefully, taking in his nervousness.
JOHN
Joshua said he thought IAD was tailing us after the bust. But we lost them, and you were in your car. You called and said something came up, and would see us later.
NICK
(fidgets)
Yeah something came up, the girl… she texted me something and I thought since we were done I would catch up later.
JOHN
We thought you ran off with the loot, but next day you brought it in.
NICK
Yeah!
JOHN
Is that when IAD turned you?
Nick and John look at each with visceral anger. Nick is the first one to look away.
He shakes his head and grimaces.
NICK
Listen I didn’t want to get involved in your business, but I should have told you sooner. Angie…
JOHN
(blank)
What about Angie?
NICK
(makes a face)
You guys broke up, but I bet you didn’t know about her and Montoya. I think that’s why she left.
John takes this in.
JOHN
Montoya’s seeing Angie?
NICK
Was seeing her. I mean it must be that loyalty crap, right? Sleep with your fellow officer’s woman, make her break up with him and stop seeing her too, so the show can go on…
John stares at Nick for a long moment, then looks away. Nick waits.
JOHN
We have a bust coming up soon, we meet the team in a half-hour.
Nick takes this in. He suddenly gets animated.
NICK
Come on man! Admit it, just between the two of us. We are both corrupt cops who steal from the dealers, and report to a corrupt Captain who has ruined our lives… Come’on this guy messed up the one good thing you had going, and you are going to kill me for him?
JOHN
(as is speaking to an unseen listener)
Why would I kill you? And why would I admit to all this bullshit that’s just not true.
John grabs Nick and rips open his jacket collar to reveal a taped mike on Nick’s chest. He smiles grimly at Nick.
Nick pushes him away. He is scared.
NICK
If you think I’m going on another bust with you guys to get shot in the line of duty, you are crazy!
They stare at each other.
JOHN
You should call the mental health hotline. They might help you.
Nick nods, relieved at the way out presented to him. John punches Nick hard catching him by surprise, and Nick goes down.

[Firdaus Bilimoria]

Reply to Blair on his scene

Like the concept of (absence of) honor amongst thieves and the dynamic between Robert and Trent.
Some suggestions: Could Robert have more of a compelling motivation to come to Trent’s place if he already stole the money and ratted out Trent with his wife? Also the dynamic between Robert and Trent could be explored more: Wht does Trent need Robert and why did he wait for Robert to come before he logged into Mary’s account?

[Firdaus Bilimoria]

Reply to DEB on her scene

Like the dysfunctional family set up (what a cast of characters!) and the sibling rivalry. Trent is obviously the smart and calculating one while Robert displays obvious signs of a martyr complex.
Trent stringing along Robert and manipulating him to pay for the trip in spite of Robert’s obvious lack of resources, and Robert’s theft of Trent’s wallet was a great character contrast.
The surprise twist with the diamonds in the cast really rounded off the scene and improves our understanding of Trent’s manipulativeness. Meemaw’s taking of the diamond as a gift is very funny way to end the scene.
From a suggestion perspective: the anticipation of Trent getting Pappy’s gun brings out Trent’s hidden sentimental side, but there could be some hint of where the search for the gun might lead him to.

[Firdaus Bilimoria]

Feedback to Christopher on his IRA wedding scene (not sure where to post it)

Love the dark humour underlying the brutality of the IRA culture and the times, which often presages the impending acts of violence and cynicism in the scene. The characters Trent and Mick are pitch perfect, relentless and unforgiving. Robert’s character is also very well written, he sees through his family’s and IRA’s BS and double standards, for example he knows his Uncle Trent wont pay the bill for the wedding.
From a scene arc perspective we can see Rob is nervous and almost expects something bad to happen. The scene builds up to the violent conclusion.
The only suggestion is perhaps provide some insight into why Rob broke the rules and went with a Protestant girl, knowing the risks involved: was he deeply in love or was it his way of rebelling against his family, or both?

[Firdaus Bilimoria]

Firdaus – Rewrite of Robert and Trent scene

INT. CLUB MAIN HALL, DAY
It is the inside of an old-style elite club, with a bar on one end and tables and chairs and sofas spread around the large hall. It is a quiet afternoon, a few members are seated at tables scattered across the hall. A couple of waiters stand by the bar.
TRENT, late 20s, dressed in noticeably obvious designer wear, slacks, elegant jacket and loafers, is seated at the one of the sofas in the corner with a glass of wine at the side table. Trent’s expression is angst-ridden as he talks on his phone.
TRENT
I understand, I do.
JENNIFER (V.O.)
(sobbing)
I’m sorry Trent, but I had to tell you.
TRENT
(ironic)
Thanks.
Trent hangs up. He breathes in deeply and regains his composure.
His face tightens imperceptibly as he sees ROBERT, mid-twenties, muscular, dressed in shorts and polo shirt, enter. Trent pretends not to see him.
Robert waves at Trent and heads towards him.
ROBERT
Hey, what a coincidence!
He sits across Trent.
TRENT
Hi Robert.
Trent signals to the waiter who comes by.
ROBERT
Whatever you have on tap.
Waiter leaves.
ROBERT
Didn’t think I’d see you here, after everything that happened last night.
TRENT
Water under the bridge.
ROBERT
I had no idea you and Jennifer…
TRENT
We are just friends.
ROBERT
Not from what she said!
(laughs)
She felt really bad. Like she broke your heart or something.
TRENT
(blank expression)
I am heartless.
ROBERT
So it was only casual with you two?
TRENT
Until something better came along.
ROBERT
(laughs)
Like me.
Trent chuckles and nods. We almost believe him.
ROBERT
But she has an interesting theory about you.
TRENT
(genuinely interested)
Yeah?
The waiter brings Robert his beer and leaves. Robert takes a long swallow and clears his throat.
ROBERT
She not sure you’re part of this…
(gestures to their surroundings)
TRENT
Part of what?
ROBERT
This place, this club. This scene…
(eyes Trent shrewdly)
You know what I mean, like she and I were born into this. The privileged, untalented, except when in the sack, the
(makes finger quotes)
“elite”.
Trent looks at Robert, he appears bored and uninterested but we see his breathing has changed.
TRENT
I am just a common man.
BRYANT, 70s, dressed in old-fashioned suit and tie shuffles by and stops to greet Trent.
BRYANT
That was a wonderful suggestion you made about the interest swap. Thank you.
Robert watches carefully, suspicious as well as somewhat jealous of the regard that Bryant displays for Trent.
TRENT
There is a method to it, and money to be made.
BRYANT
Let’s talk again.
TRENT
Let’s do that!
Bryant shuffles away. Robert stares at Trent with concealed disdain and malevolence.
ROBERT
Common Man, yeah!
(points to man at table across them)
Now Charlie, he’s a common man. But he’s made a fortune, and he belongs here. Fat fuck that he is.
Robert laughs again. Trent’s expression tightens. Robert senses he is onto to something.
TRENT
(casually dusts his trousers)
I am not as common, or rich like Charlie. But last I heard I am a member in good standing.
ROBERT
Who’s always pitching his investment properties to the members!
(laughs again, sidles closer to Trent)
Hey man, no worries, this stays in the vault. Except except…
(whispers in exaggerated Don Corleone imitation)
Someday, and that day may never come, I will call upon you to do a service for me.
Robert laughs and Trent joins in. Trent continues laughing even after Robert is done. Trent moves closer and keeps laughing and puts his hand on Robert’s shoulder.
TRENT
(still chuckling)
Speaking of service, I got some real high-q powder on me. Want to try some?
ROBERT
Here?
Trent gets up.
TRENT
Follow me.
Trent walks toward a back room exit followed by Robert.
INT. BACK ROOM
As Trent enters the empty room, he reaches with his right hand for something under his jacket. As he withdraws his hand we see he is wearing knuckledusters. Robert follows shutting the door behind him.
Trent turns and punches Robert in the ribs. Robert grunts in pain and doubles over, face contorted in silent pain.
Trent punches him again, this time downwards on his shoulder blade. Robert grunts in pain and goes down on the floor on to his back. He is defenseless.
Trent kneels over Robert as to punch his face but holds back and doesn’t follow through. With the right hand, he grabs Robert’s throat and squeezes. His eyes are blazing with quiet fury.
Robert is in pain and scared.
TRENT
If I hear anything about you that might interfere with my business, I will rip your balls off. You privileged talentless piece of turd.
Trent slaps him with his left hand, then with the back of hand, lightly so as not to draw blood, with full contempt.
They stare at each in full understanding. There is an expression of respect on Robert’s face. He nods.
Trent stands up and puts his knuckleduster back in his jacket pocket. He casually straightens his jacket and removes a small packet of powder from the side pocket. He raises it and places it on the side table.
TRENT
(friendly tone)
That’s really good stuff. Share it with Jennifer. You guys will like it.
Trent smiles and nods, and walks out leaving Robert on the floor. Robert watches him leave, he looks fearful and uncertain.

[Firdaus Bilimoria]

INT. CLUB MAIN HALL, DAY
It is the inside of an old-style elite club, with a bar on one end and tables and chairs and sofas spread around the large hall. It is a quiet afternoon, only a few members are seated at the tables, and a couple of waiters standing by the bar.
TRENT, late 20s, dressed in noticeably obvious designer wear, slacks, elegant jacket and loafers, is seated at the one of the sofas in the corner with a glass of wine at the side table.
Trent checks his designer watch and looks to the entrance door. His face tightens imperceptibly as he see ROBERT, mid-twenties, muscular, dressed in shorts and polo shirt, enter. Trent pretends not to see him.
Robert waves at Trent and heads towards him.
ROBERT
Hey, what a coincidence!
He sits across Trent.
TRENT
Hi Robert.
Trent signals to the waiter who comes by.
ROBERT
Whatever you have on tap.
Waiter leaves.
ROBERT
Didn’t think I’d see you here, after everything that happened last night.
TRENT
Water under the bridge.
ROBERT
I had no idea you and Jennifer…
TRENT
We are just friends.
ROBERT
Not from what she said!
(laughs)
She felt really bad. Like she broke your heart or something.
TRENT
(blank expression)
I am heartless.
ROBERT
(casual)
So it was only casual between you two?
TRENT
Until something better comes along.
ROBERT
(laughs)
Like me.
Trent chuckles and nods. We almost believe him.
ROBERT
But she has an interesting theory about you.
TRENT
Yeah?
The waiter brings Robert his beer and leaves. Robert takes a long swallow and clears his throat.
ROBERT
She not sure you’re part of this…
(gestures to their surroundings)
TRENT
Part of what?
ROBERT
This place, this club. This scene…
(eyes Trent shrewdly)
You know what I mean, like she and I are born into this. The priveleged, untalented, except when in the sack, the
(his fingers make quote gesture)
“elite”.
Trent looks at Robert, appears bored and uninterested, but we see his breathing has changed.
TRENT
I am just a common man.
ROBERT
(point to man at table across them)
Now Charlie, he’s a common man. But he’s made a fortune, and he belongs here. Fat fuck that he is.
Robert laughs again. He senses he is onto to something, and enjoys making Trent uncomfortable.
TRENT
(casually dust his trousers)
I am not as common, or rich like Charlie. But last I heard I am a member in good standing.
ROBERT
Who’s always pitching his investment properties to the members!
(laughs again, sidles closer to Trent)
Hey man, no worries, this stays in the vault. Except except…
(whispers in exaggerated Don Corleone imitation)
Someday, and that day may never come, I will call upon you to do a service for me.
Robert laughs and Trent joins in. Trent moves closer and keeps laughing and puts his hand on Robert’s shoulder.
TRENT
(still chuckling)
Speaking of service, I got some real high-q powder on me. Want to try some?
ROBERT
Here?
Trent gets up.
TRENT
Follow me.
Trent walks toward a back room exit followed by Robert.
INT. BACK ROOM
As Trent enters, he reaches with his right hand for something under his jacket. As he withdraws his hand we see he is wearing knuckledusters. Robert follows shutting the door behind him.
Trent turns and punches Robert in the ribs. Robert grunts in pain and doubles over, face contorted in silent pain.
Trent punches him again, this time on his shoulder blade. Robert grunts in pain and goes down on the floor on to his back. He is defenseless.
Trent kneels over Robert as to punch his face but holds back and doesn’t follow through. With the right hand, he grabs Robert’s throat and squeezes. His eyes are blazing with quiet fury.
Robert is in pain and scared.
TRENT
If I hear anything about you that might interfere with my business, I will rip your balls off. You priveleged talentless piece of turd.
Trent slaps him twice with his left hand, lightly so as not to draw blood, but with full contempt.
They stare at each in full understanding. There is an expression of respect on Robert’s face. He nods.
Trent stands up and puts his knuckleduster pack in his jacket pocket. He casually straightens his jacket and removes a small packet of powder from the side pocket. He raises it and places it on the side table.
TRENT
(friendly tone)
That’s really good stuff. Hope you like it.
Trent smiles and nods, and walks out leaving Robert on the floor.

[Firdaus Bilimoria]

Firdaus Max Interest Part 1

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is adding elements and interest techniques enhances the dramatic impact of the scene, reveals character motivations and sets up the character arc, and also sets the stage for more impactful scenes to come.

Logline: Charles, Head of Investment Firm, congratulates Rafael on a successful pitch presentation to a corporate client. Charles hints of “difficult” choices and displays some of his ruthlessness, preparing Rafael of moral compromises to be made for future success at the firm.
Essence: Charles reveals hints of his cupidity, corruption, and danger, to the relatively naïve Rafael, and the scene is ominously prescient of things to come.

SCENE:
INT. FRASER GOODMAN’S OFFICE – AFT.
Charles and Rafael walk through corridors towards Charles’ office. Charles puts his hand over Rafael’s shoulder.
CHARLES
This is going to be a good deal for the firm, big fees and commissions. It will be reflected in the bonus payouts.
RAFAEL
I am just glad to be on the team!

Charles nods approvingly and slaps Rafael’s back.
INT. CHARLES’ OFFICE
Charles and Rafael walk in. Charles goes to the cabinet and pours scotch in two glasses. He hands Rafael a glass.
CHARLES
Job well done!
RAFAEL
Cheers!

Charles walks to window and looks out at view.
CHARLES
Deals like this… things can get tricky.
RAFAEL Yes.
Charles turns to Rafael.
CHARLES
Andy, Ed, we take care of them. They take care of us.
Rafael nods.
CHARLES
(carefully watches Rafael)
There can be… unpleasant elements to what needs to be taken care of. Hard choices to be made…
(locks eyes into Rafael’s)
On both sides. What has to be done has to be.

Charles stares at Rafael with full intensity of meaning. Charles stares back, understanding but yet not full grasping Charles’ meaning.
CHARLES
(CONTD)
What I’m saying is, we place a lot of trust in you. That your Dad and I are friends helps.
RAFAEL
I appreciate your confidence.
CHARLES
We are grooming you for bigger and better things. I am sure you will make us proud.

Charles raises his glass. Rafael raises his and they drink.

• This reply was modified 10 months, 1 week ago by  Firdaus Bilimoria. Reason: the formatting does not show in the main screen when originally entered

[Firdaus Bilimoria]

Firdaus profiles people

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is that some traits are not immediately observable or recognized, and can manifest as a surprise or are recognized over time.

Person 1
1. Amiable
2. Reliable
3. Hard Working but Mediocre
4. Morally ambiguous under pressure
I really this person and can rely on them, however, depending on the situation they are hesitant to pick a side. Trait 4 can be a surprise under certain circumstances although overall the person is reliable.

Person 2
1. Charismatic
2. Great Talker
3. Limited intellect
4. Feels entitled and will act in bad faith when personal success is on the line
The person surprised everyone by acting in bad faith in a public environment, based on strong motivation to gain the upper hand in a competitive situation. Given the inherent limitations, in spite of their charisma and people skills, they eventually were not able to deliver on expectations and suffered a loss of reputation. Trait 4 came as a surprise, and the subsequent failure and loss of reputation could not have been originally foreseen.

Person 3
1. Intelligent
2. Successful
3. Politically astute
4. Cynical decision-maker
This person is intelligent and successful given their comparative youth. They are politically astute, and their decisions are based more on strategic positioning and expediency rather than based on values and justice. Trait 4 was not immediately obvious but over time this was recognized by the more astute people in the environment.

• This reply was modified 10 months, 2 weeks ago by  Firdaus Bilimoria. Reason: the formatting does not show in the main screen

[Firdaus Bilimoria]

Firdaus Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is…
I spent some time going through two of my earliest scripts and found I had captured the essence in general. However, I did discover specific improvements throughout the script that could be made in the narrative as well as typos.
I found only a couple of scenes in one script where the essence could be enhanced as list below.
Script I choose: Piece of Happiness
Scene 1 Location: Supermarket
Logline: Rafael meets Marianna for the first time at the Supermarket where she works at the counter, and is attracted to her in spite of the obvious disparity of their social status
Essence I’ve discovered: The attraction should be both ways, Rafael should evoke some feeling in Marianna that she normally suppresses because of her past trauma as a sex trade survivor.
New Logline: Rafael and Marianna meet for the first time at the Supermarket where Marianna works at the counter. Rafael is attracted to Marianna because of her quiet charm in spite of the obvious disparity of their social status. Marianna is also attracted to Rafael, however suppresses her feelings and interest because of her past trauma as a sex trade survivor.
Scene 2 Charles’ Office:
Logline: Charles, Head of Investment Firm, congratulates Rafael on a successful pitch presentation to a corporate client.
Essence I’ve discovered: The scene could have more of an ominous tone with a hint of Charles’ cupidity and corruption.
New Logline: Charles, Head of Investment Firm, congratulates Rafael on a successful pitch presentation to a corporate client. Charles hints of “difficult” choices and displays some of his ruthlessness, preparing Rafael of moral compromises to be made for future success at the firm.

[Firdaus Bilimoria]

Firdaus finds the Essence

Script I choose: Departed by William Monahan
Scene 1 Lunch Counter – p1 :
Logline: Costello’s introduction and first initiation of mentee- young Colin into a life of crime.
Essence: Insight into Costello’s psychopathic nature as well as nuanced understanding of his victims and future recruits. Costello and young Colin begin a surrogate parent-child relationship.
Scene 2 Church Act1 p5:
Logline: Colin is altar boy at a funeral mass in Church
Essence: Colin’s descent to the dark side foretold in a scene where he is an altar boy in church. The priest is offering a funeral mass, and his invocation of the deceased’s entry into paradise foretells Colin’s descent into a dark path.
Scene 3 STATE POLICE GRADUATION CEREMONY, Act 1:
Logline: Colin graduates from Police Academy
Essence: Unlike the other Police Academy graduates who are surrounding by celebrating families, Colin is alone. Until… car pulls up with Costello and henchman, and Costello congratulates Colin. Costello is now Colin’s surrogate father and has successfully mentored Colin into a position where Colin can serve his criminal enterprise.
Scene 4 Training Field, Act 1 P9 :
Logline: Introduction to Billy, State Police Trainee
Essence: Set up for Billy as future antagonist to Costello and Colin. Insight into Billy’s irreverent and perhaps solitary nature.
Scene 5 Queenan’s office , Act 1 :
Logline: Queenan and Dignam interview Billy
Essence: The two Police Brass try to provoke Billy by bringing up his less than stellar family background, at the same time assess his merit and worth. The cops have something in mind about Billy’s usefulness and are trying to judge Billy and whether he can be reliable.
My selection for most profound essence: (Post scene here without worrying
about formatting and then also post the essence and why you believe that is
the essence).
INT. A CHURCH. MORNING. 1985-ISH
YOUNG COLIN, the good boy, the very good boy, is serving at a
funeral Mass. Various views of the church. Stained-glass
light. The altar is still wreathed in the smoke of incense.
PRIEST (V.O.)
To you, O Lord we commend the soul
of Alphonsus, your Servant; in the
sight of this world he is now dead;
in your sight may he live forever.
Forgive whatever sins he committed
through human weakness and in your
goodness grant him everlasting
peace.
ALL
Amen.
CLOSE on COLIN’S face.
PRIEST (VO)
May the angels lead you into
paradise; May the martyrs come to
welcome you and take you to the
holy city, The new and eternal
Jerusalem.
A liturgical bell tings.

[Firdaus Bilimoria]

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[Firdaus Bilimoria]

Great setting and characters. Also very humorous element really adds to the overall tone of the story and the reveals. The surreal experiences for the characters keeps the reader guessing on what’s really happening and why. The reveals keep coming, sometimes deceiving the reader but leading to another reality which enhances the overall theme and story.
Really great scene!

[Firdaus Bilimoria]

Well written scene with great characters. Brandy plays along Phillip perfectly as part of her boss’ scheme. Phillip is the unwitting victim of the scam and is framed with the FBI.
The reveal of the insider trading scam could be improved with more stakes and more reveal of Brandy’s role in it.

[Firdaus Bilimoria]

Great scenes with gripping essence of Brandy as unwitting victim of Phillip’s scam. Also great character in Officer Swatz.
The character of Brandy is very well written , she is trusting of Phillip even when confronted by compelling cautionary advice from Officer Swatz.
Phillip’s character could be more nuanced, and his guilt could be better shown.

[Firdaus Bilimoria]

I like the set up beginning with the desolate mall, the planned meeting with a sketchy online date, the chance encounter with the Principal, and the interaction between the two girls.
The appearance of Josh and Renee’s role in him being there is well constructed. The Albanian characters concept would have been extended as them involved as part of a lure to entrap Maxine into a sex trafficking ring which could enhance the story with heightened drama and stakes.

[Firdaus Bilimoria]

Like the setup and the motivation for Nick and John, and the dialogue.
Suggestion: Maybe show a more visceral connection that Nick had to Monica and a more intense motivation for him killing her, perhaps they were seeing each other before John came into the picture.