[George Petersen]

George Petersen THRILLER WRITING SAMPLE PLAN

What I learned from this assignment is stacking the deck is really important in presenting your writing sample.

The Opening Scene in THE ART OF SECRECY: Pinkerton’s Vision

EXT. FIELD – DAY

A thick, lonely fence post stands in the midst of a field.

Suddenly, a newspaper notice with a headline is nailed to it: President-Elect Lincoln to pass through Camden Station on his journey to Washington.

A hand with a stick of charcoal makes a crude drawing over the notice: A long face with a beard wearing a top hat.

INT. WORKSHOP – DAY

MACK (20S) OF THE BLOODY EIGHTS sharpens his hunting knife lovingly.

EXT. FARM HOUSE – DAY

JACK (20S) OF THE BUTT ENDERS works a thick rope into a hangman’s noose. He secures a large sack of something into the noose.

It’s a makeshift gallows, the sack tied to the noose and standing on a chair.

Jack kicks out the chair and the sack hangs successfully. He leans in and inspects the knot.

INT. PANTRY – DAY

WHIT (30S) OF THE PLUG UGLIES practices plunging his large hunting knife into a sack of flour.

INT. HOUSE – DAY

JUDE (20S) OF THE RIP RAPS spreads his pistols out on a table. After a moment, he selects one and holds it up for inspection, checking its aim.

INT. BARN – DAY

CLYDE OF THE BLOOD TUBS (40s) sets a large tub down on the ground, looks at his herd of pigs. He corners one and takes out his knife.

As Clyde cuts and slashes and pours, he appears to be preparing a tub of blood.

EXT. FIELD – DAY

GAGE (30S) OF THE AMERICAN RATTLERS stands in the field, cocks his horse pistol. He takes a deep breath, relaxes. Suddenly, he whips the pistol to his right, aims.

BANG. The crude drawing of the long, bearded face wearing a top hat EXPLODES.

EXT. PRATT STREET – DAY

MILES (40S) OF THE KGC runs down the deserted city street as fast as he can.

EXT. INNER HARBOR – DAY

Miles makes his way to the water’s edge, sees a sleek STEAMER in the distance. He takes out his pistol and holds it high in the air.

EXT. STEAMER – DAY

At the CRACK of the gunshot, the CREW MEMBERS on board snap to attention and gleefully begin firing up the boiler.

EXT. CAMDEN STATION – PORTAL – DAY

The imposing portal of Camden Station.

A train whistle BLOWS.

SUPER: In 1861, there was no United States Secret Service

Two teenage BOYS run through the portal laughing.

A train bell CLANGS.

SUPER: There were no trained federal agents to help protect the American President

RHETT (30s) dressed in an outfit of bold colors that befits his membership in the Black Snakes gang, passes through the portal almost giddy. He signals off to someone with an odd hand gesture. Is he a little drunk?

EXT. CITY STREET – CONTINUOUS

CYPRIANO FERRANDINI (30s) a knockout handsome Baltimorean “Blood,” sporting oily, raven-like hair, a long mustache to match over pale skin and fashion conscious clothes, stands on an elevated loading platform on the periphery of a large CROWD assembled on the street. He returns the odd hand gesture.

EXT. CAMDEN STATION – PORTAL – CONTINUOUS

The Marshal of Police, GEORGE KANE (40s) passes through the portal and stops at the top of some steps.

A dozen POLICEMEN pass through the portal and line the steps.

KANE

Mr. Abraham Lincoln and Mrs. Mary Lincoln.

Lincoln and Mary appear, stand smiling. Lincoln holds a small black bag. He looks worn out but calm. Mary seems a little nervous.

Lincoln looks out at the waiting carriage and the vast Crowd assembled behind it. The Crowd, a composite of every gang in Mobtown, doesn’t cheer. In fact, they don’t make any noise at all, just stand there stone faced.

EXT. CITY STREET – DAY

Lincoln helps Mary into the carriage, then sits next to her.

The DRIVER can’t engage the horses as the Crowd has pressed in, hemming the carriage in so it can’t move.

The Driver motions to the Crowd to make way for the carriage to pass, but nobody moves.

A grinning Rhett moves close to the side of the carriage.

RHETT

A word, please, from our new President to be.

Lincoln looks at Mary, tries to maintain a smile. He hands her the small black case, which she takes and holds tightly.

Lincoln looks over at the steps for Marshal Kane, but he’s nowhere to be found. He searches for the Policemen, but they too have disappeared.

Lincoln surveys the faces of the stone-faced Crowd, then stands slowly.

LINCOLN

Gentlemen: I shall do all that may be in my power to promote a peaceful settlement of all our difficulties.

Mack and Whit take out their hunting knives and run their fingers along the sharp edge.

LINCOLN

The man does not live who is more devoted to peace than I am. None who would do more to preserve it.

Clyde readies his tub of fresh blood.

LINCOLN

Most of you do not agree with me in political sentiments.

Jude loads his pistol.

LINCOLN

But I trust that I may have your assistance in piloting the ship of State through this voyage, surrounded by perils as it is…

Jack looks down at the rope he carries on his arm, a hangman’s noose on the end.

LINCOLN

… for, if it should suffer attack now — there will be no pilot ever needed for another voyage.

Gage cocks his pistol.

Standing alongside the carriage, Rhett looks over at Ferrandini, makes another unusual hand gesture. Ferrandini returns the hand gesture, follows it with a slow, affirmative nod.

LINCOLN

Gentlemen. America will not be destroyed from the outside.

Lincoln spreads out his large hands in a gesture pleading for understanding.

LINCOLN

If we falter and lose our freedom, it will be because we destroyed ourselves.

Rhett grabs Lincoln’s ankle and pulls him down. Within seconds, Lincoln is swept away. No longer silent, the Crowd swiftly transforms into a roaring MOB.

Jude and Gage fire their pistols in the air. The gunshots RING out in celebration.

Ferrandini steps off the platform into the mayhem. He reaches into his coat pocket and pushes through the Crowd.

As Lincoln is pulled through the maniacal maelstrom, the wild frenzy increases.

GAGE

Death to the Invader!

JACK

Freedom!

A rasping, shrieking, blood-curdling noise erupts from the Mob, almost nonhuman, like the threatening growl from some kind of mad, mythical creature.

JUDE

To tyrants we’ll not yield!

WHIT

Dixie forever!

Everyone wants a piece of Lincoln. The Mob pushes and pulls and yanks him in every direction, trying to pull him to pieces.

Clyde appears with his tub. He swishes the tub in the air.

Still gripping the small black case, Mary slowly stands, surveys the mayhem with a face contorted in shock and horror. Aghast, she lets out a long, bloody scream. Drops of blood stain her face and bright white dress.

A top hat flies through the air. Followed by a loud BANG.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen KEY BUSINESS DECISIONS

What I learned doing this assignment is the business aspects of a script should be addressed before writing it.

Give us the decisions that are in your current High Budget script:

Genre – Thriller

Title – Demoniac

Concept – A married Art History Ph.D., recently graduated and drowning in debt, gets a call from the Devil offering him a job — if he will buy an illegal handgun and learn how to use it. But job security with the Devil comes at a price.

Audience – Over 25, male and female

Budget – $2 million

Lead Characters:

Harry: an Art History Ph.D. desperate for a job.

Mephisto: The Devil as a headhunter.

Journey / Character Arc:

Harry goes from passive unemployed college grad to Mephisto’s greatest challenge.

Opening – Lacking confidence, Harry nervously starts his job hunting in the big city.

Ending – Harry stands up to Mephisto but pays the ultimate price.

Tell us which of those decisions you could improve to make your script more marketable.

Reduce the budget to $1 million.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen SPECIALTY – THRILLER

What I learned doing this assignment is the importance of modeling from successful screenplays.

Genre: Thriller

Title: The Third Man

How it delivered on the genre conventions:

PURPOSE: To thrill your audience with high stakes, plot twists, and suspense that never lets up until the adrenalin packed climax.

High Stakes: Holly’s life is in danger, implied through the scowling faces that watch him.

Plot twists: a person whose funeral you just attended shows up alive.

Suspense: will Harry be caught or will Holly be killed.

LIFE AND DEATH SITUATIONS. They face danger at every step — either physically, emotionally, or mentally. The hero needs to either be in danger or there is the implication of future danger.

The danger to Holly is that his silence will be achieved through]his murder.

MYSTERY/INTRIGUE/SUSPENSE: There’s a mystery that must be solved in order to survive. Intrigue is the underhanded and covert Villain’s

plan. Suspense comes from the danger the Hero faces.

Mystery: who was the third man at the scene of Harry’s death? Was it Harry himself?

HERO: Unknowing, unwitting, but resourceful hero

Holly is an amateur, a Western pulp novelist. He has no idea how Harry died. But he has a strong curiosity that drives his detective spirit.

VILLAIN: Dangerous, devious, and unrelenting. Committed to destroy anyone who gets in their way.

For Harry, it’s all about the money. So what if some kids die. War is hell, after all. Would he kill his best friend — maybe.

MAIN EMOTIONS: Suspense, intrigue, mystery, tension, anticipation, uncertainty, and surprise.

Suspense: will Holly be killed by the supposed friends of Harry?

Intrigue: the extent of Harry’s black market scheme to rob the children of Vienna of their life saving penicillin.

Mystery: how did Harry die?

Tension: the cryptic answers Holly gets to direct questions.

Anticipation: will Harry show up for the meeting with Holly?

Uncertainty: will Harry be caught?

Surprise: Harry is alive!

Outline of the movie, highlighting the parts that fulfill the genre:

THE THIRD MAN

Opening: Holly attends Harry’s funeral.

Inciting Incident: the accounts of Harry’s death don’t add up. MYSTERY

Holly pursues his investigation into the mysterious circumstances of Harry’s death.

DECEPTION: Turning Point: Holly learns that Harry faked his own death to avoid punishment for selling stolen and watered-down penicillin.

Deeper Level: Harry has been hiding in the city’s sewer system.

Midpoint/Low Point: Holly is devastated to learn of Harry’s moral decline.

Holly meets Harry at a Ferris wheel.

Holly learns that Harry has no remorse for his actions. Holly is torn between being loyal to his friend and doing what’s right.

Holly decides to go home. On the way to the airport —

Turning Point: Calloway gives Holly a tour of the hospital wing where children have died because of Harry’s selfish actions.

Climax:

Holly changes his mind, decides to become part of a sting plot to catch Harry, wherein he agrees to act as bait to catch Harry at a cafe.

Harry escapes the cafe sting.

Holly joins the police in the chase through the sewers.

Resolution:

Holly kills Harry.

*

Genre: Thriller

Title: Chinatown

How it delivered on the genre conventions:

PURPOSE: To thrill your audience with high stakes, plot twists, and suspense that never lets up until the adrenalin packed climax.

High Stakes: Jake gets his nose sliced open. His life threatened.

Plot Twists: Katherine is not the lover, she’s the daughter.

Suspense: what is going on with the water? Who was the first woman who hired Jake?

LIFE AND DEATH SITUATIONS. They face danger at every step — either physically, emotionally, or mentally. The hero needs to either be in danger or there is the implication of future danger.

Jake gets sliced, attacked and senses the threat to his life from Cross and his henchmen.

MYSTERY/INTRIGUE/SUSPENSE: There’s a mystery that must be solved in order to survive. Intrigue is the underhanded and covert Villain’s

plan. Suspense comes from the danger the Hero faces.

The Intrigue is Cross’ plan to steal the water from the farmers.

The mystery is where is all the water going?

HERO: Unknowing, unwitting, but resourceful hero

Jake doesn’t know what’s happening but he is the unrelenting detective.

VILLAIN: Dangerous, devious, and unrelenting. Committed to destroy anyone who gets in their way.

Cross is a murderer, capable of killing again.

MAIN EMOTIONS: Suspense, intrigue, mystery, tension, anticipation, uncertainty, and surprise.

Suspense: will Jake be killed?

Intrigue: what is Cross’ plan for the water?

Mystery: where is the water going? Who first hired Jake?

Tension: Jake gets washed away down the waterway.

Anticipation: how will Jake save Evelyn from the police?

Uncertainty: will Jake’s plan to save Evelyn and Katherine from the police really work?

Surprise: Katherine is the daughter of her father.

Outline of the movie, highlighting the parts that fulfill the genre:

Opening: Jake comforts Curly

Inciting Incident: Jake gets hired

Jake investigates

Turning Point 1: Jake gets his nose sliced

Cross feeds Jake misinformation that Evelyn was jealous of Katherine.

Deeper Level: Katherine is Evelyn’s daughter, not her husband’s lover.

Jake discovers the scheme of buying up the land in the valley.

Turning Point 2: the fake Mrs. Mulwray is found dead and now Jake is in the hot seat for trying to protect Evelyn, who is obviously the murderer.

Jake pursues Cross’ misinformation that Katherine was the lover of Evelyn’s husband as though it were fact. Since the subjective camera identifies with Jake, the audience goes down this road with him.

Turning Point 3: Reversal: Jake discovers who owns the glasses > Cross is the killer, not Evelyn.

Jake tries to save Evelyn and Katherine despite the fact that he was the one who set everything in motion.

Resolution: Evelyn dies.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen – LinkedIn Profile is Amazing!

What I learned doing this assignment is that little things can add up in putting together a profile. Especially all the little things you forgot about.

I need to figure out more about endorsements and recommendations.

[George Petersen]

My name is George Petersen and I’ve written 5 scripts, that is, 5 completed scripts. I owned and operated a photo-video company in San Diego for many years. I hold a M.A. in Film and TV from San Diego State.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen – LinkedIn Profile is Amazing!

What I learned is credibility can always be improved – keep looking forward

CREDIBILITY CHECKLIST

3 Recommends for Scatterbrained: Bulletproof, The Script Lab, Extreme Screenwriting.

3 Recommends for Surfing Grandpa: Bulletproof, The Script Lab, Extreme Screenwriting.

Both scripts deliver as Family/Drama (genre)

Screenwriting Accomplishments:

Best Short – Table Read My Screenplay

Best Short – Fade In Awards

80 screenplay placements listed on IMDb Pro

Google factor: Link to Coverfly.com and IMDbPro.com

M.A. in Film and TV, emphasis on screenwriting: San Diego State University

Selected for special summer filmmaking session at U.C.L.A.

Studied photography under a special Profession Photographer’s of America sponsored summer session with Arnold Newman

Studied acting in special summer sessions with Howard Hesseman and Clu Gulagar

Worked as an assistant director and assistant editor at Paulist Productions

Owner and operator of my own photography/videography company for 25 years – portrait and commercial

Produced stock footage for Universal Television

Taught motion picture production techniques in university extension programs at St. Mary’s College of California and U.C.S.D.

Was the first screenwriting book reviewer for Creative Screenwriting Magazine

Other things to do:

Take more ScreenwritingU courses

I’ve cancelled all other projects in order to focus on ScreenwritingU courses

Things to do in the next 30 days:

Catch up on the ScreenwritingU classes I’m taking now

[George Petersen]

George Petersen PROJECTS AND INSIGHTS

Project: The Summer of Haight

Most of the action takes place in the Haight-Ashbury district, which hasn’t changed too much in the last half century, so I’m placing the budget at $15-40 million

Project: The Art of Secrecy

Most of the action takes place in downtown Baltimore in 1861 so I’m placing the budget at $50 – 100 million

I found the audio very interesting and enlightening. It seems that the mental attitude is essential for success. It sure would be nice if there were an entry into the industry that was a bit more accessible.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen – DIALOGUE 7 – 8

What I learned doing this assignment is how one scene can employ multiple dialogue skills and it seems that the more employed, the better.

*

DIALOGUE AS ACTION:

Pinkerton turns to face her.

PINKERTON

Miss Kate. Can you find the money?

KATE

I can find it, Mr. Pinkerton. And I will find it.

*

A misty rain takes over, but bare heads remain. A few umbrellas pop open and mothers pull their children close.

LINCOLN

I now leave… not knowing when… or whether ever.. I may return… with a task before me greater than that which rested upon Washington. Without the assistance of that Divine Being… who ever attended him… I cannot succeed. With that assistance I cannot fail.

*

INT. THE EMPIRE BUILDING OF BALTIMORE – UPPER FLOOR – NIGHT

The Chief sits with his head lowered, pondering something or other, while the candelabras on each side of him flicker quietly. Then he slowly lifts his head, speaks slowly and solemnly.

CHIEF

Do you believe the white man to be superior to the Negro?

INITIATES

We do.

CHIEF

Do you believe the United States Constitution recognizes slave property?

INITIATES

We do.

CHIEF

Do you believe the South has a right to demand protection for slave property, as well as other property?

INITIATES

We do.

CHIEF

Do you believe it right for the people of one section to make war on the institutions of another section?

INITIATES

We do not.

CHIEF

Will you join the Knights of the Golden Circle in its struggle to spread Americanism through Mexico, Nicaragua, Venezuela and Cuba, thus creating a shimmering golden circle of lawful slave trading prosperity?

INITIATES

We will.

*

SUBTEXT:

PINKERTON

Spies?

FERRANTINO

Yes, spies. Why, I’ve even heard a rumor that Alan Pinkerton is in town.

PINKERTON

Pinkerton?

FERRANTINO

You know, the Abolitionist. The nigger thief.

PINKERTON

(pause)

I didn’t know he was a nigger thief.

FERRANTINO

He’s a station master out of Chicago. Teaches the darkies how to cooper, then ships them over the border to Canada.

PINKERTON

Station Masters… conductors… I’ve never understood how the Underground Railroad works. But this man, Pinkerton, sounds like he’s courting his own death.

FERRANTINO

Death? Oh, no. If we were to find him, something far more special than death awaits him.

Pinkerton stares out the window at the passing traffic.

*

LINCOLN

Gentlemen. America will not be destroyed from the outside.

Lincoln spreads out his large hands in a gesture pleading for understanding.

LINCOLN

If we falter and lose our freedom, it will be because we destroyed ourselves.

Rhett grabs Lincoln’s ankle and pulls him down. Within seconds, Lincoln is swept away. The Crowd swiftly transforms into a roaring MOB.

*

GARRINGER

We have a sign of recognition…

Garringer demonstrates by placing his right forefinger over his upper lip and rubs back and forth ever so slightly.

GARRINGER

A sign of caution in conversation and action…

He takes the forefinger and thumb of his left hand and gently tugs his left earlobe.

GARRINGER

And a sign and hail of distress…

He joins the forefinger and thumb of his right hand, then, touches the other fingers to the edge of his right eye.

GARRINGER

Brothers, be careful that you do not use these signs improperly: guard them sacredly for the honor and success of the organization to which you belong. You must never use them idly, never through curiosity or amusement.

Garringer walks past the Initiates, stops at Weinstock, inspects him like a drill sergeant.

GARRINGER

Be careful not to reveal anything that you hear or see in this Club to any one not a member. Be cautious in conversation with brother members, that you are not overheard. Study secrecy, caution, watchfulness.

Garringer walks back to his position next to the Chief.

GARRINGER

Be content to work quietly, noiselessly, yet effectively, for you are united with many others in a just and sacred cause. It is your cause and that of your children — be worthy of it.

The train bell CLANGS impatiently.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen – DIALOGUE 4 – 6

What I learned doing this assignment is how pliable dialogue is, if you take the time to play with it.

*****

Setup / Payoff:

PINKERTON

An independent woman… Do you have any skills? Have you been trained?

KATE

My husband supported me as an actress.

PINKERTON

An actress? And how might that experience prepare you for secretarial work?

KATE

Mr. Pinkerton, I don’t want to be a secretary.

Pinkerton turns around, looks at her.

KATE

I want to be a detective.

*

INT. BARBER SHOP – DAY

Ferrandini unravels the towel, brushes Pinkerton off.

FERRANTINO

You have my word, Mr. Hutchinson. Mr. Lincoln will not pass through Baltimore alive.

Pinkerton stands up to go.

PINKERTON

I like you, Cypriano. I find you, well, trustworthy. But I cannot lay down the kind of money we’re talking about without some kind of proof. I need proof.

FERRANTINO

I understand. You shall have it.

PINKERTON

When?

FERRANTINO

Soon.

Ferrandini counts his money again, puts it in the register. Pinkerton is just about out the door, when,

FERRANTINO

Red.

PINKERTON

What?

FERRANTINO

Red. I remember now. The ballot will be red.

EXT. STREET – DAY

Pinkerton bundles up, walks briskly down the windy street. His face is jubilant.

*****

Anticipatory Dialogue:

There is such a case. The Adam’s Express case. Embezzlement. The wife may know where the money is hidden.

Pinkerton turns to face her.

Miss Kate. Can you find the money?

I can find it, Mr. Pinkerton. And I will find it.

*

DAVIES

Weinstock will have to become a full fledged Knight in order to draw a ballot. It’s not an easy thing.

PINKERTON

A ritual? How hard can that be?

DAVIES

The whole thing could be wishful thinking on the part of a drunken man… except that Weinstock mentioned the color of the ballot that is to be drawn. That bit of detail makes the entire story authentic.

*****

Ironic Dialogue:

Pinkerton watches the hoopla out his window.

PINKERTON

What are these people so happy about? Do they really think anything’s going to change? You really think one man can make a difference? In a country of, what, 30 million?

KATE

31 million.

Pinkerton turns to look at her.

PINKERTON

How old are you?

KATE

28.

PINKERTON

Mmmm. You’re good with numbers. Unfortunately I don’t have any openings right now for a secretarial position.

*

LINCOLN

Gentlemen. America will not be destroyed from the outside.

Lincoln spreads out his large hands in a gesture pleading for understanding.

LINCOLN

If we falter and lose our freedom, it will be because we destroyed ourselves.

Rhett grabs Lincoln’s ankle and pulls him down. Within seconds, Lincoln is swept away. The Crowd swiftly transforms into a roaring MOB.

*

FERRANTINO

One must be careful. Baltimore is filled with spies, Mr. Hutchinson. Spies everywhere.

PINKERTON

Spies?

FERRANTINO

Yes, spies. Why, I’ve even heard a rumor that Alan Pinkerton is in town.

PINKERTON

Pinkerton?

FERRANTINO

You know, the Abolitionist. The nigger thief.

PINKERTON

(pause)

I didn’t know he was a nigger thief.

FERRANTINO

He’s a station master out of Chicago. Teaches the darkies how to cooper, then ships them over the border to Canada.

PINKERTON

Station Masters… conductors… I’ve never understood how the Underground Railroad works. But this man, Pinkerton, sounds like he’s courting his own death.

FERRANTINO

Death? Oh, no. If we were to find him, something far more special than death awaits him.

Pinkerton stares out the window at the passing traffic.

FERRANTINO

So, where’s my money?

PINKERTON

Money?

FERRANTINO

Yes, my money. I gave you twenty-five dollars last week. Twenty-five dollars is a lot of money these days. Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten about it What kind of a stockbroker are you, Mr. Hutchinson?

PINKERTON

Forgive me. I have it right here — somewhere…

Pinkerton lays out fifty dollars on the desk in front of Mr. Ferrantino. Ferrantino counts his money, looks up.

FERRANTINO

Why, that’s fifty dollars. Double my money in a week! How do you do that?

PINKERTON

These are times of great change, Mr. Ferrantino. Times of unprecedented opportunity. If the Northern Beast is preparing to invade our fair Maryland, we might as well bleed the ogre of all the cash we can. What is the harm in that?

Ferrantino chuckles as he stuffs his wallet with the cash.

FERRANTINO

No harm at all. No harm at all.

He stands up to leave, considers Pinkerton, shakes his head with a smile.

FERRANTINO

You are about to become a very popular man in Baltimore, I’m afraid. Don’t forget your good friend, Cypriano Ferrantino.

Pinkerton stands up and they shake hands warmly.

PINKERTON

I never forget my friends.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen – DIALOGUE 1 + 2

What I learned doing this assignment is the importance of conflict in bringing dialogue alive.

I tried pumping up Kate’s counterattack in this scene and I think it helped a lot.

Kate wants a job. Pinkerton doesn’t want to give it to her.

SCENE:

Pinkerton (40s) stands before a window, looking down on the hoopla below. He adjusts the curtains. He’s the kind of man who has to keep moving. A certain nervous energy always propels him.

How old are you?

That’s very young to be a widow.

That’s why I’m here, looking for employment. I want to be independent.

An independent woman… Do you have any skills? Have you been trained?

My husband supported me as an actress.

An actress? And how might that experience prepare you for secretarial work?

Mr. Pinkerton, I don’t want to be a secretary.

Pinkerton turns around, looks at her.

I want to be a detective.

Pinkerton walks over, takes his seat.

Miss Warne.

Kate.

Miss Kate, it grieves me to inform you that such a position does not exist. There is not, and never has been, a single woman detective in the whole country. If there were such a creature, I assure you I would know about it.

That’s because I would be the first.

Uh… the first what?

The first woman detective.

Pinkerton shakes his head and chuckles.

Miss Kate. I own and operate the first and largest detective agency in the country. I have many capable detectives. Why would I need another?

I don’t know. You placed the advertisement.

Kate places her torn copy of the want ad on the desk.

You need another detective, Mr. Pinkerton. The whole city of Chicago knows it. And I want to be that detective. I want to put my acting skills to work.

Acting skills? Miss Kate. My detectives come from all walks of life. Teachers, bankers, lawyers— even a former seminarian. But never an actor.

I was known as the chameleon, because I could melt into any role. That’s what you need isn’t it? A woman who could go places a man would never go, a woman who could worm secrets out of the wives and girlfriends of hard hearted men. Can your detectives get close to the wives and girlfriends of hard hearted men?

Pinkerton just looks at her for a moment, then walks back to the window.

There is such a case. The Adam’s Express case. Embezzlement. The wife may know where the money is hidden.

Pinkerton turns to face her.

Miss Kate. Can you find the money?

I can find it, Mr. Pinkerton. And I will find it.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen – P/S GRID #2

What I learned doing this assignment is the necessity of looking at a script through one lens at a time. First look at it from this perspective or from this element. Focus on that. Then move to the next perspective or element. Multiple passes work better than trying to do it all at once.

Problem: Exposition Instead of Reveals

Solution: Reveal through a betrayal

I found that letting Ferrandini discover that he has been betrayed by Kate through Kate’s actions works better. When Kate doesn’t show up for the initiation ceremony, Ferrandini goes searching for her and discovers that she has gone to New York to meet with Lincoln’s handlers. This, after she has expressed her undying affection for Ferrandini.

Problem: Scenes that are not Intriguing

Solution: Imminent Threat:

I found it necessary to add scenes that imply imminent threat to Kate and Pinkerton. Especially when Ferrandini discovers evidence that Kate might be a spy, and it appears he might act, but then discounts the evidence because of his feelings for her. This comes back to bite him.

I’m also faced with having to create a body count. A good body count should help set up a dangerous situation.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen – P/S GRID #1

What I learned doing this assignment is the importance of removing problems before the interview.

Problem: Not enough intrigue

Solution: Make the current Intrigue, etc. more intense – raise stakes, increase fear, more intense consequences.

Getting into the writing, it became apparent that too much time is being spent with the good guys and not enough time is being spent with the bad guys.

I found that things worked better when scenes were added that showed the bad guys struggling to develop a cohesive plot of assassination.

I discovered that putting their hopes for extreme destruction on display added to the stakes significantly.

Problem: Weak Transformational Journey

Solution: Character in a bad place that must change.

So if Kate is to transform into a strong, independent character at the end, then she must be more subdued, more wounded in the beginning. I found that focusing on the wound of the loss of Kate’s husband helps grows the distance between how she is in the beginning of the story and how she is in the end.

Problem: Need a stronger cliffhanger

Solution: Intense high stakes, impossible goal or mission. How the hell are they going to accomplish that?

I needed to add scenes that showed the gangs as more ruthless in pursuing their goals. The will harm and kill to get what they want.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen – HAS FINISHED ACT 4 + 5

What I learned doing this assignment is that the teaser and the lock in form a kind of bookends of the pilot in a way. Both seem to have a function of providing two big unanswered questions to the pilot.

Is a hook a story question? Does it involve something missing? A missing part of the puzzle?

The teaser seems to be a question of why is this happening?

The lock in seems to be a question of what is going to happen next?

The midpoint seems to be a turning point from the general question of why to a more specific question of what.

These three story questions seem to anchor the pilot structure for me.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen – FINISHED ACT 3

What I learned doing this assignment is that writing is so much more, well, fun doing it high speed. Having already done the thinking part in the outline, I find myself free to write without thinking, as that has already been accomplished in the outline.

When I look back at my perfectionist method, it really was a combination of thinking and creating and the thinking part was always getting in the way of creating. And the opposite was also true, that creating was always getting in the way of thinking.

Not that the outline is not creative. But it involves a lot of making things make sense. It has to be rational so it can move.

Once the outline has assumed the burden of rational ideas, the Act seems free to go wherever.

For me, separating the flow of ideas (outline) from the flow of feelings (scene) makes writing a lot more fun. Or so it seems. It’s a mystery.

A. Consistently use.

B. Some use.

C. Need to start using.

Rule 1: Use empowering self talk. Cheer yourself on. – B

Rule 2: Understand writing in drafts. – A

Rule 3: Choose speed over quality for EARLY drafts. – A

Rule 4: Allow yourself to start (or continue) without all the answers. – B

Rule 5: Keep moving. Don’t allow yourself to ever stall out. – B

Rule 6: Even if you can’t create it now, you will be able to at some point in the future! – B

[George Petersen]

George Petersen – FINISHED ACT 2

What I learned doing this assignment is how important it is not to judge yourself when diving into the first draft.

A. Consistently use.

B. Some use.

C. Need to start using.

Rule 1: Use empowering self talk. Cheer yourself on. – B

Rule 2: Understand writing in drafts. – A

Rule 3: Choose speed over quality for EARLY drafts. – A

Rule 4: Allow yourself to start (or continue) without all the answers. – A

Rule 5: Keep moving. Don’t allow yourself to ever stall out. – A

Rule 6: Even if you can’t create it now, you will be able to at some point in the future! – B

I found it very liberating to set as my goal to write the worst possible draft of Act 2 that I could possibly write.

Whenever a scene wasn’t coming together, I’d just have to ask myself: there must be a way to make this scene worse than it is? And that would keep me going.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen – FINISHED ACT 1 FIRST DRAFT

What I learned doing this assignment is, well, for me, it comes down to criminalizing proof reading. If I can deny myself proofreading until the draft of the entire screenplay is completed, that helps a lot.

My other concern I came up against in this assignment is this: does someone have to die in order for it to be a good turning point?

I was watching Coda and I was wondering: this is a great script, but no one died at the end of Act 1. Where is the turning point? Is it when she joins the choir? I think so as it puts her on a path of conflict that doesn’t exist before she joins. But since no one dies in the turning point, does that make the script weaker? Interesting question.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen – TEASER / HIGH SPEED WRITING

What I learned doing this assignment is how important it is to let the draft write itself as much as possible. Being able to go back to the outline was a great help as it pointed out the direction I needed to go.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen – OUTLINE WITH INTRIGUE

What I learned doing this assignment is that outlines are incredibly complex.

THE ART OF SECRECY

Teaser: CONSPIRACY

Lincoln is pulled apart by an angry mob at a Baltimore train station.

Start: Transferring between trains, Lincoln looks worn out, but calm. He smiles, gets in the carriage with Mary.

Challenging Situation: The large crowd presses in. The horses can’t move. When the driver asks them to move, the crowd won’t budge.

Conflict: As Lincoln stands in the carriage and gives a speech of reconciliation and the need for Americans to unite behind democracy and be a light of hope to the world… a gang member grabs his ankle and pulls him down. Within seconds, he is swept away into the roaring mob.

Action: Lincoln is torn apart by the vicious mob.

Finish: Mary lets out a bloody scream. A top hat flies through the air.

Open Loop: Will Lincoln make it through Baltimore alive?

Mystery: Why are people attacking Lincoln?

Empathy/Distress: The President is being harmed, perhaps murdered.

Payoff: Later it will be revealed if this is a dream, a plan or what.

Irony: The first American president to be assassinated doesn’t believe an American citizen would harm him.

Setup: This scene sets the stage for an assassination theme.

Act 1:

EXT. STREETS – DAY – INTRIGUING WORLD

Chicago. 1861. The beginning of new year. What will it bring?

Somehow these sentiments are communicated as Kate walks through the windy streets of the city on the way to her interview.

Start: Kate walks past a sign advertising a fireworks display for the new year, 1861. She walks past a Chicago landmark.

Challenging Situation: The wind is brisk.

Conflict: Kate stops walking, looks up at the stairs leading to the offices of the Pinkerton Detective Agency. After a solemn moment, she turns and walks away.

Action: She stops walking, takes out a newspaper clipping: Detective Wanted for the Pinkerton Agency. She turns, looks back at the offices.

Finish: With a determined gait, Kate climbs the stairs leading into the offices of the Pinkerton Detective Agency.

Open Loop: Who is this young woman?

Mystery: Where is she going?

Empathy/Distress: The wind is strong and harsh.

Payoff: The Pinkerton Detective Agency is her destination.

Irony: She looks to be 27, 28 maybe. And very beautiful. How could a husband cheat on her?

Setup: Why does she want to visit a detective agency? Has her husband cheated on her?

INT. PINKERTON’S OFFICE – DAY – WOUND

Kate convinces Pinkerton to hire her as the first woman detective. Though Pinkerton hires Kate, he won’t assign her to anything too dangerous. She’s a woman after all.

INTRIGUING WORLD: Pinkerton assigns Kate to a case that isn’t going anywhere: The Adams Express Company embezzlement. Kate goes undercover, befriends the wife of the thief and recovers the stolen money.

Start: Kate is a young widow looking for a job. She wants to be independent. She’s not looking to get married any time soon: been there, done that.

Challenging Situation: Kate applies for a job for which there is no precedent: there has never been a woman detective.

Conflict: Pinkerton tells Kate there are no clerical openings. She corrects him: she’s applying for the detective job.

Action: Kate explains to Pinkerton that women have their ways of obtaining information that men don’t have. They’re more easily trusted. And better observers than men. Besides, she would welcome the opportunity to put her acting skills to use.

Finish: Kate becomes America’s first woman detective.

Open Loop: Will Kate succeed in an occupation exclusive to men?

Mystery: What are these secret ways of women that Kate talks about? How does that work?

Empathy/Distress: At first, Kate is told she cannot have the job because of her gender.

Payoff: Kate gets the job and becomes the first American woman detective.

Irony: Can a woman do detective work as well as a man?

Setup: Just how good is she? What can Kate accomplish as a woman detective, if anything?

INT. FELTON’S OFFICE – DAY – MYSTERY

Pinkerton is asked to help protect the rail bridges leading into Baltimore.

Start: Pinkerton, modestly dressed, is a little intimidated by the plush office of the railroad president.

Challenging Situation: Felton tells Pinkerton that men in red shirts hang out under the rail bridges leading into Baltimore. There are rumors they plan to burn the bridges.

Conflict: Felton explains to Pinkerton that if the red shirts burn the bridges, there will be no way to send troops from the Northern states to Washington. He emphasizes that his rail line is the only way northern troops can come to the aid of Washington. If the rail bridges burn, Washington will be vulnerable and unprotected, given how President Buchanan has refused to build up defenses. Southern mobs will be free to attack the capital and make it the center of the Confederacy.

Action: Felton explains the situation using a model diorama in his office.

Finish: Pinkerton agrees to take the case and find out what the red shirts are up to.

Open Loop: What will happen to the bridges? Will they burn as Felton fears?

Mystery: Who are the red shirts and what are they up to?

Empathy/Distress: If there is a war, Felton could lose his railroad. He’s vey stressed out about it.

Payoff: Season 1 will end with the bridges burning.

Irony: Felton feels it will take a railroad man to solve a railroad problem. Pinkerton has the reputation for railroad security.

Setup: The burning of the bridges sets up the mystery.

INT. PINKERTON’S HOME – DAY – CONSPIRACY

Pinkerton says goodbye to the black family he has been hiding in his home as part of the Underground Railroad.

Start: Pinkerton returns home to his wife and two sons and then goes to a secret room where a black family is hiding.

Challenging Situation: How to get the family on the road to Canada without getting caught.

Conflict: The family fears the last leg of their journey. If they get caught, they will be sent back to the plantation. And if they make it, will they be able to live happily in a new country? Pinkerton shares his own experience of being cut off from his homeland, Scotland, and being hunted for his activities supporting democracy and workers’ rights. You’ll be fine.

Action: Pinkerton gives the father and son lessons in how to be a Cooper, a maker of casks and barrels. He tells them they will need these skills when they get to Canada.

Finish: Pinkerton sends the family off. An emotional farewell.

Open Loop: Will Pinkerton be true to his beliefs when challenged?

Mystery: What is a black family doing in Pinkerton’s house?

Empathy/Distress: A black family in hiding, making the journey on the Underground Railroad.

Payoff: Pinkerton is idealistic after all.

Irony: A white man helping a vulnerable black family at his own risk.

Setup: The theme of the struggle for freedom.

INT. PINKERTON’S OFFICE – DAY – HIDDEN AGENDA

SECRET IDENTITY: The newspapers cover the story about Kate’s use of a secret identity to befriend the robber’s wife. She’s famous now as the first woman detective.

SECRET: Kate won’t reveal to Pinkerton the details of the case, how a woman managed to do what experienced male detectives couldn’t do, unless he assigns her to the Baltimore team. Pinkerton refuses. He won’t be blackmailed.

Start: Kate enters the office a little shy about her newfound fame.

Challenging Situation: Pinkerton shows Kate the newspaper story about her success in the Adams Express case. He’s very proud of her and for what she has done for the agency.

Conflict: Kate won’t reveal to Pinkerton the details of the case, how a woman managed to do what experienced male detectives couldn’t do, unless he assigns her to the Baltimore team.

Action: Pinkerton refuses. He won’t be blackmailed.

Finish: Pinkerton tells Kate that the Baltimore team’s investigation is far too dangerous for a woman. Any woman. And not to take it personally. But Kate won’t talk with him about the details of the Adams Express job.

Open Loop: Will the Baltimore team be successful?

Mystery: What is the Baltimore team and what is their plan?

Empathy/Distress: Kate is excluded from the Baltimore team just because she’s a woman. This, despite her success in the Adams Express case.

Payoff: Kate is shown as a woman who takes action, not accepting things passively.

Irony: The Baltimore team loses its best detective just because she’s a woman.

Setup: The Baltimore team sets up the red shirts mystery.

EXT. STREET – DAY – SECRET IDENTITY

Act 1 TURNING POINT- Newspaper reporters hound Pinkerton. They want to know more about Kate.

Start: Pinkerton exits the door to his offices, looks up at the sky. It’s raining. He bursts open his umbrella and only gets to the bottom of the stairs where the reporters surround him.

Challenging Situation: Kate is getting more notoriety than Pinkerton. How can he keep this horse in its stable?

Conflict: At first, the reporters crowd around him and he can’t move. Then he breaks through them and they follow him.

Action: The Newspaper reporters follow Pinkerton down the street and hound him with questions.

Finish: Pinkerton looks flustered as he makes his way down the street in among a cluster of umbrellas.

Open Loop: What abilities and skills does a woman detective have that men don’t have?

Mystery: The skills Kate used in the Adams Express case will be used in Baltimore.

Empathy/Distress: Pinkerton is under pressure from the reporters to reveal details about the Adams Express case that Kate won’t reveal to him.

Payoff: Pinkerton is shown to a man challenged by Kate’s new approach and skills in solving a case.

Irony: Pinkerton has the best asset for the Red Shirts case but he can’t use it.

Setup: The reporters set up the fact that Kate has a new approach to solving cases.

INT. PINKERTON’S HOME – DAY – HIDDEN AGENDA

Pinkerton changes his mind at the last minute, assigns Kate to the team leaving for Baltimore.

Start: Tension at the dinner table. Kate is conflicted.

Challenging Situation: A goodbye dinner for Pinkerton who will be leaving for Baltimore. Kate is to help oversee the family in his absence.

Conflict: Pinkerton’s boys misbehave, excited to have a dinner guest.

Action: Pinkerton tells Kate that he has changed his mind and assigned her to the Baltimore team.

Finish: Kate is happy, excited to be going.

Open Loop: Will Kate be a part of this family going forward?

Mystery: Why has Kate been invited to dinner?

Empathy/Distress: The boys misbehave in a way that frustrates Pinkerton.

Payoff: Pinkerton informs Kate that he is assigning her to the Baltimore team.

Irony: Kate thinks she will be asked to help with the family in Pinkerton’s absence. But Pinkerton’s wife is a strong, capable woman.

Setup: Kate helps entertain the boys in a way Pinkerton cannot.

EXT. TRAIN STATION – DAY – SECRET IDENTITY

February. Kate, Pinkerton and his team leave for Baltimore.

Start: Waiting to board on the station platform, Pinkerton checks his watch.

Challenging Situation: Pinkerton is trying to get his team aboard the train without attracting attention. It’s a secret mission after all. But Kate is late.

Conflict: A reporter spots Pinkerton. He freezes.

Action: Pinkerton works his way to the last car before boarding, the reporter following him.

Finish: Kate arrives and another detective on the team gets her onboard. Pinkerton confronts her about the necessity of secrecy. Making your connection is essential to maintaining secrecy.

Open Loop: Will Kate and Pinkerton get along?

Mystery: Why is Kate late?

Empathy/Distress: Pinkerton is under stress because Kate is late. The presence of a reporter gives him more stress. How will he maintain secrecy?

Payoff: Pinkerton gives Kate a lecture on the art of secrecy. Everyone needs to work together. You must be there for the handoff. Make the connection.

Irony: Pinkerton needs to share secrets if he wants to maintain secrecy.

Setup: Kate learns the basics of being a spy on a team.

EXT. STREETS – DAY – WOUND

In Springfield, Lincoln walks the tree-lined streets, says goodbye to his neighbors. Deeply felt.

Start: Lincoln starts his walk with a brisk step.

Challenging Situation: Lincoln tries to maintain proper composure on the outside for what is heart-wrenching in the inside.

Conflict: Lincoln is conflicted about leaving his home for Washington and leaving Willy’s gravesite.

Action: Lincoln shakes hands and embraces his dear friends. The men choke up; the women cry. Everyone’s worried about what may happen to him.

Finish: Now Lincoln meanders, a bit of a lost soul.

Open Loop: Will Lincoln be able to keep his promise to Willy?

Mystery: Why is Lincoln in a cemetery?

Empathy/Distress: Lincoln is in distress at the thought of leaving Willy’s gravesite.

Payoff: Lincoln is shown to be a man of deep feeling.

Irony: In death, Lincoln finds strength to fight for life and freedom. He must be true. True to Willy.

Setup: Lincoln makes a promise to Willy.

INT. TRAIN CAR – DAY – INTRIGUING WORLD

At the team meeting: MYSTERY: The team’s objective is to investigate a rumor that Southern sympathizers are planning to burn the rail bridges around the city in order to prevent Yankee troops from passing through on their way to Washington.

Pinkerton takes Kate aside: UNDESERVED SUFFERING: But being a spy is more dangerous than being a detective, so she must understand that she will be kept in the background. Because she is a woman, she will not be allowed to go deep undercover.

Start: Kate is excited.

Challenging Situation: All the passengers are huddled next to the stovepipe heater at one end of the train car. Pinkerton’s team is huddled on the other end.

Conflict: Pinkerton tells Kate that because she is a woman, she will not be allowed to go deep undercover. It’s far too dangerous for a woman.

Action: Using a foldout map as his guide, Pinkerton lays out the plan to discover who the red shirts are and what they are up to. Do they plan to burn the bridges? And, if so, why? Is it a Southern plot, like Felton has suggested? Or is this some kind of gang thing?

Finish: Kate sulks.

Open Loop: Will Kate ever be able to break out on her own?

Mystery: What’s so dangerous about the red shirts?

Empathy/Distress: Kate has her boundaries set.

Payoff: Kate is professional, despite her hopes.

Irony: The best detective is sidelined.

Setup: Kate will be the detective to uncover the plot.

Act 2:

EXT. STREETS – DAY – INTRIGUING WORLD

Kate and Pinkerton go undercover as Union spies. Finally, Kate gets to put her acting talents to the test.

Start: Kate walks the streets of Mobtown wide-eyed.

Challenging Situation: How is Kate going to find out anything about the red shirts who hang around the base of the bridges?

Conflict: Kate gets pushed around because the Southern sympathizers see her as a Northerner.

Action: Kate notices well dressed gentlemen make surreptitious hand gestures to one another as they pass each other on the street.

Finish: Finding it odd, Kate gets Pinkerton and has him confirm it.

Open Loop: Who are the well dressed gentlemen who make hand gestures to each other as they walk down the street.

Mystery: What are these people up to?

Empathy/Distress: Kate gets pushed around a bit as she’s mistaken for a Northerner.

Payoff: Kate in action at last.

Irony: If these Southerners only knew who they were pushing around.

Setup: Shows Kate getting her bearings. Also revealed are her keen observation skills.

INT. HOTEL DINING ROOM – DAY – DECEPTION

INTRIGUING WORLD: Kate enters Mobtown, the powder keg world of Baltimore as Miss Kate, spirited Southern socialite. Pinkerton becomes Mr. Hutchinson, wealthy stockbroker in the arms trade. Together they set out to learn why the red shirts are planning to burn the bridges that lead into Baltimore.

Start: Kate, now Miss Dixie, makes her entrance in a dress covered in little Confederate flags with an umbrella to match. Pinkerton, now Mr. Hutchinson, wears a fine suit with a bowler hat and a Palmetto pin on his lapel.

Challenging Situation: How are Kate and Pinkerton going to find out anything in this city hostile to newcomers?

Conflict: Angelina, sitting at a neighboring table with her husband, Rhett, compliments Kate on her dress. But Rhett examines Pinkerton suspiciously.

Action: Angelina and Kate strike up a nonstop conversation and excuse themselves to the powder room.

Finish: Rhett doesn’t like stockbrokers like Pinkerton. He’s a volunteer fireman with the local hook and ladder association. He works for a living. But Pinkerton impresses him with the performance of skyrocketing firearm stocks.

Open Loop: What happens when Angelina and Rhett find out who Kate and Pinkerton actually are?

Mystery: Who is this Rhett? He’s not very sociable.

Empathy/Distress: Rhett puts Pinkerton on edge, but he tries not to show it.

Payoff: Kate is finally where she wants to be.

Irony: Rhett thinks of Pinkerton as a lazy rich guy, but he’s actually a former Cooper, a maker of casks and barrels.

Setup: Kate and Pinkerton make their first penetration of Southern society.

INT. LINCOLN’S HOME – DAY – IMMINENT THREAT

In Springfield, Lincoln attends an informal planning meeting with aids in his home. He wants to take the direct rail route to Washington, but he is convinced that it’s too dangerous going through Southern states. He reluctantly agrees to the long northern route through Buffalo and New York.

Start: Lincoln listens intently to the heated conversation, but doesn’t say a word.

Challenging Situation: How to get Lincoln to Washington safely and without being ridiculed.

Conflict: The team argues over railroad maps and routes.

Action: Lincoln is presented with two choices: Take the direct route and risk mockery or worse by the Southern sympathizers and slaveholders, or… take the much longer northern route through New York.

Finish: Lincoln chooses the longer, more populous northern route because it will give him an opportunity to meet the people he will lead.

Open Loop: Will Lincoln get to Washington alive?

Mystery: What would the Southern sympathizers do to Lincoln if they had the chance?

Empathy/Distress: The danger that could come with making the wrong decision.

Payoff: Presents Lincoln as a man who enjoys people.

Irony: A kind man who is the target of violence.

Setup: The wandering route with its city stops is made clear through the maps. As well as the notion that it isn’t one rail company making the trip. Each route from one major city to another is one rail company. So the trip is a series of rail companies linked together as one.

INT. HOTEL LOBBY – DAY – CONSPIRACY

CONSPIRACY: Angelina takes Kate under her wing, explains to her who’s who in the Mobtown world.

HIDDEN AGENDA: Angelina boasts to Kate that her husband is part of a secret society devoted to the expansion of slavery and that there is a plan brewing that will shorten the war to a couple weeks, a month at most.

Start: Kate and Angelina sit together and laugh like sisters.

Challenging Situation: Angelina invites Kate to her home. Better not slip up here.

Conflict: Angelina boasts to Kate that her husband is part of a secret society devoted to the expansion of slavery and that there is a plan brewing that will shorten the war to a couple weeks, a month at most. How? Kill Lincoln. Burn the bridges and block northern troops from aiding Washington. Attack the capital and make it the capital of the new Confederacy. Kate declines to go to her home because she’s afraid to be around Rhett, a powerful man.

Action: Angelina explains to Kate who’s who in the Mobtown world.

Finish: Angelina tells Kate that Rhett isn’t home. It’s Friday night. He always has business on Friday nights.

Open Loop: Will Kate learn about the scheme Rhett is involved in? Everyone in the South wants to kill Lincoln, but who is planning to actually do it?

Mystery: What is the connection between burning the bridges, killing Lincoln and splitting the Union in two?

Empathy/Distress: Kate doesn’t like to be around Rhett.

Payoff: Befriending Angelina is paying off for Kate.

Irony: Sweet Angelina is Kate’s link to simmering violence.

Setup: Visiting Angelina’s home will bring her closer to the conspiracy.

INT. ANGELINA’S DRAWING ROOM – DAY – IMMINENT THREAT

Turning Point/Midpoint: In an encounter with Angelina’s drunk husband, Rhett of the Black Snakes gang, Miss Dixie discovers that the rumored assassination plot is real and Captain Ferrandini is the ringleader, the one behind it making it happen.

Start: Kate and Angelina enjoy their tea together.

Challenging Situation: Angelina receives word that Rhett is too drunk to make it home alone. She had better come get him.

Conflict: When Kate is alone, Rhett shows up in the doorway, totally plastered. He comes on to Kate.

Action: Kate turns the tables and threatens the greatly confused Rhett, who falls backward into the doorway and confesses that Ferrandini is the one she should talk to if she wants in on the plot to assassinate Lincoln when he passes through Baltimore.

Finish: Angelina shows up in the doorway perplexed.

Open Loop: Will Kate learn about who is behind the conspiracy?

Mystery: What is it that Rhett is involved with? How does he play in this?

Empathy/Distress: A drunken Rhett makes moves on Kate.

Payoff: Befriending Angelina is paying off big.

Irony: Pinkerton has to admit: Kate is getting deeper into the plot than he is.

Setup: Finally, Kate has significant intelligence to deliver to Pinkerton.

Act 3:

INT. PINKERTON’S SAFE HOUSE – NIGHT – HIDDEN AGENDA

In response to what Kate has learned, Pinkerton trains her on the art of secrecy and how to be a Union spy.

Start: Pinkerton is stunned to learn his barber is the ringleader of the assassination plot.

Challenging Situation: How to get close to Ferrandini without tipping him off?

Conflict: Pinkerton acknowledges that Ferrandini is his barber and the one he has been pumping information from.

Action: In response to what Kate has learned, Pinkerton trains her on the art of secrecy and how to be a Union spy.

Finish: Kate and Pinkerton set up a ruse that targets Ferrandini.

Open Loop: Who will get to Ferrandini first: Kate or Pinkerton. They plan to work him from both angles. The masculine approach, all macho and ego, and the feminine approach, all… well, what is that approach? And, which approach will win?

Mystery: Who really is Captain Ferrandini and what is he up to?

Empathy/Distress: Pinkerton is forced to admit that Kate is on to something.

Payoff: Kate delivers a name to Pinkerton, a name that will launch the investigation. Now they have a target.

Irony: Is a woman’s approach to spying more powerful than a man’s?

Setup: With Kate’s success, Pinkerton is now motivated to go all in on training her.

INT. HOTEL LOBBY – DAY – DECEPTION

Deception: The ruse: At a crowded luxury hotel lobby, Hutchinson attacks Miss Dixie for being a Union sympathizer. Ferrandini comes to Miss Dixie’s aid, protecting her reputation.

Start: Kate circulates the room, the social butterfly. Laughing, having a good time. Pinkerton enters, angry.

Challenging Situation: How to get Ferrandini to trust Kate without getting caught?

Conflict: Kate and Pinkerton stage a shouting match in the plush lobby. The staff try to put a stop to it, to no avail. Ferrandini is amused.

Action: At a crowded luxury hotel lobby, Hutchinson attacks Miss Dixie for being soft on the Union. Kate attacks him for being a money-grubbing firearms merchant.

Finish: Ferrandini defends Kate, takes her under his wing. Tells Pinkerton to get lost.

Open Loop: Will Kate make contact with the target, Ferrandini?

Mystery: Why are Kate and Pinkerton arguing and shouting at each other in public?

Empathy/Distress: Kate appears to be in extreme distress. She weeps openly.

Payoff: Kate can now work Ferrandini.

Irony: Kate appears to be the helpless one but she’s far from helpless.

Setup: Ferrandini falls for it: he comes to Kate’s rescue, defending her and telling Pinkerton to get lost.

INT. LINCOLN’S HOME – DAY – IMMINENT THREAT

In Springfield, Lincoln meets with his volunteer security detail, a motley crew of retired military advisors, full of bombastic hot air about what a great job they will do defending the President from the rebels.

Start: As always, Lincoln listens attentively while others talk and shout their views.

Challenging Situation: How to protect the President-Elect when there is no budget to do so?

Conflict: The retired military men argue about who should be in charge of protecting the President.

Action: Lincoln is presented with a plan of an armed guard of soldiers protecting him throughout the journey. Lincoln declines. It would make him look weak and fearful.

Finish: Lincoln expresses his thanks to the men, mentioning that he has no fear, for no American would ever willfully murder an American President.

Open Loop: Will Lincoln get to Washington alive?

Mystery: Just how dangerous is it for Lincoln to make this journey? And what is the best way to go about it. The wrong decision could split the Union.

Empathy/Distress: The security team is under stress because the wrong decision could be fatal, for Lincoln and for the country.

Payoff: The danger the team faces can be seen clearly on the maps.

Irony: Lincoln doesn’t talk much, but when he does, he says more than all the others.

Setup: The journey involves stops at major cities. At each stop, Lincoln will make a speech, where he will make the case for democracy and the survival of the Union. Lincoln forecasts what is to come: the states will succeed to form the Confederacy, but then it is only a matter of time before the most rebel states again succeed from the Confederacy. And then what?

INT. HOTEL DINING ROOM – DAY – MYSTERY

Turning Point: Protecting Kate from Hutchinson, Ferrandini has dinner with her. Kate learns the broad details of the assassination plot.

Start: Kate slips into a dining room where Ferrandini sits waiting for her.

Challenging Situation: Kate goes rogue, agrees to a secret meeting with Ferrandini.

Conflict: Kate is venturing into a close relationship with the enemy that could get her hung on Pratt Street. And she’s doing it without Pinkerton’s guidance.

Action: Kate learns the broad details of the assassination plot. The existence of the KGC and the hardship of organizing and recruiting gang members for the plot.

Finish: Ferrandini asks for another dinner. Kate says yes.

Open Loop: Will Kate learn Ferrandini’s secrets?

Mystery: How does Ferrandini plan to kill Lincoln?

Empathy/Distress: Kate is nervous. She’s going rogue, meeting with the archenemy without Pinkerton knowing about it. What if all this blows up in her face?

Payoff: Ferrandini tells Kate the broad details about the assassination plot and his struggles to pull it together.

Irony: So far, so good, for Kate. Hope she doesn’t get burned.

Setup: Kate now has a solid link to the plot.

INT. PINKERTON’S SAFE HOUSE – DAY – IMMINENT THREAT

CONSPIRACY: Kate hurts Pinkerton when she goes deep undercover on Ferrandini after Pinkerton has expressly forbidden it. It pushes him to the limit. How can he protect her if she goes in deep undercover? Pinkerton struggles with his paternal and professional relationship with Kate.

Start: Pinkerton wants answers. What was Kate thinking?

Challenging Situation: How can Kate navigate between two men: Pinkerton and Ferrandini.

Conflict: Pinkerton demands that Kate cut off her relationship with Ferrandini. It’s too dangerous. Let me handle it.

Action: Kate won’t agree to cut off the relationship with Ferrandini. It’s too important and she’s made important headway.

Finish: Kate leaves. Pinkerton simmers.

Open Loop: Will Kate break through to the details of the plot?

Mystery: What is Ferrandini’s game plan?

Empathy/Distress: Kate is putting Pinkerton under stress by playing a dangerous game.

Payoff: Kate knows the assassination will take place in Baltimore and it will center around the transition between train stations, Lincoln’s most vulnerable point on the whole journey. But how exactly?

Irony: One point for the feminine approach; zero for the masculine approach, so far.

Setup: Kate is now positioned to get to the heart of the plot.

INT. HOTEL PRIVATE DINING ROOM – NIGHT – MYSTERY

Act 3 TURNING POINT – HIDDEN AGENDA: Pursuing Ferrandini as the target, Kate learns about the KGC and its efforts to recruit and organize the gangs of the city for the assassination plot.

Kate is in a situation with Ferrandini, her feelings in conflict with her job. She feels herself caring for a man she must betray.

Start: Kate shows up a little nervous. Ferrandini tries to calm her.

Challenging Situation: Kate must walk a thin wire, balancing her goals as a Union spy with her feelings.

Conflict: Kate is in a situation with Ferrandini, her feelings in conflict with her job.

Action: Kate learns about the KGC and its efforts to recruit and organize the gangs of the city for the assassination plot.

Finish: Kate feels herself caring for a man she must betray.

Open Loop: Will Kate succeed in learning the intimate details of the plot?

Mystery: What are the details of the plot?

Empathy/Distress: Kate is beginning to feel stress for danger she is putting herself in.

Payoff: When Kate asks Ferrandini to bring her Lincoln’s heart after he kills Lincoln, it, well, puts him over the top for her.

Irony: Ferrandini’s caring feelings for Kate make him want to kill more.

Setup: Kate now has Ferrandini where she wants him.

Act 4:

INT. HOTEL BARBER SHOP – DAY – HIDDEN AGENDA

Hutchinson pays Ferrandini a huge sum of money as a payoff for his investment in the arms trade to help the South. Ferrandini is impressed and sponsors Hutchinson to become a Knight in the KGC.

Start: Pinkerton pretends to be excited about an arms manufacturing investment.

Challenging Situation: Pinkerton tries to buy Ferrandini’s trust. It’s working.

Conflict: It’s hard for Pinkerton to separate from a large sum of money.

Action: Pinkerton, as Hutchinson, pays Ferrandini a huge sum of money for his investment in the arms trade to help the South.

Finish: Ferrandini is impressed and sponsors Hutchinson to become a Knight in the KGC.

Open Loop: If Ferrandini and Pinkerton become best friends, how will this end? Badly, right?

Mystery: What kind of a stockbroker is Hutchinson? These are pretty incredible payouts.

Empathy/Distress: Pinkerton pays Ferrandini a huge sum of money for his investment in the arms trade to help the South. But Pinkerton hates to part with money.

Payoff: Ferrandini tells Pinkerton he will sponsor him to become a Knight in the KGC.

Irony: Pinkerton and Ferrandini: best friends forever?

Setup: Pinkerton will be a Knight?

INT. LINCOLN’S HOME – DAY – STRANGE BEHAVIOR

In Springfield, Lincoln and Mary, the ultimate political couple, are packing for the journey when Mary has a tantrum because Lincoln won’t commit to her recommendations for cabinet posts.

Start: Lincoln and Mary pack for the long journey.

Challenging Situation: Mary brings up her recommendations for members of the cabinet.

Conflict: Lincoln bristles at being pressured.

Action: Mary has a tantrum as Lincoln isn’t listening to her.

Finish: Lincoln has to tell Mary flat out that she can’t make cabinet recommendations. He’s the president. Mary pouts.

Open Loop: Will Mary be happy as First Lady? Or does she want more?

Mystery: Does Mary want to be President? Is she as much a political creature as Lincoln?

Empathy/Distress: Lincoln is under stress as Mary won’t let up on her advice and recommendations for cabinet appointments.

Payoff: Mary is a handful.

Irony: Despite their frontier reputation, Lincoln and Mary are the ultimate political couple.

Setup: Lincoln makes the first of many hard choices to come.

EXT. SLAUGHTERHOUSE – DAY – CONSPIRACY

Pinkerton is caught snooping around the Blood Tubs slaughterhouse.

ACCUSATION: Accused of being a Union spy, the Blood Tub gang dunks Pinkerton in a tub of pig’s blood.

Before the gang can do worse, Ferrandini rescues Pinkerton.

Start: Pinkerton snoops around a slaughterhouse.

Challenging Situation: In search of physical evidence, Pinkerton is caught snooping around a slaughterhouse.

Conflict: The Blood Tubs debate about what to do with Pinkerton. They can’t figure out what he is up to, so they decide to dunk him.

Action: The Blood Tubs dunk Pinkerton in a tub of pig’s blood. Pinkerton emerges gasping. The Blood Tubs laugh hysterically.

Finish: Before the gang can do worse, Ferrandini rescues Pinkerton.

Open Loop: Will Pinkerton ever find physical evidence of the plot to present to Lincoln’s handlers?

Mystery: Can Pinkerton find physical evidence of the plot at the slaughterhouse?

Empathy/Distress: Pinkerton gets dunked in a tub of pig’s blood.

Payoff: When Ferrandini comes to Pinkerton’s rescue, he feels closer to him, confides in him more.

Irony: Will Pinkerton ever catch up to Kate in the race to find out the details of the plot?

Setup: What can a close relationship between Pinkerton and Ferrandini lead to? Who will end up closer to Ferrandini: Kate or Pinkerton? As Ferrandini withdraws from one, he gets closer to the other, and vice versa.

EXT. WAREHOUSE – NIGHT – DECEPTION

Act 4 TURNING POINT – DECEPTION: Pinkerton, disguised as Hutchinson, gets initiated into the KGC. It’s a harrowing ceremony, but infiltration of the KGC is successful. Now he needs them to trust him so he can betray them.

Start: Pinkerton performs the hand gestures that get him into the warehouse.

Challenging Situation: Pinkerton has to pretend to be enthusiastic about a white supremacy ceremony.

Conflict: Pinkerton, a supporter of the Underground Railroad, must join in the racist glee.

Action: Ferrandini sponsors Pinkerton in the elaborate ceremony.

Finish: Pinkerton has to excuse himself and throws up.

Open Loop: Will Pinkerton get brainwashed?

Mystery: What exactly happens in a KGC initiation ceremony? Why is it so powerful?

Empathy/Distress: Pinkerton is under stress from the deep psychological weapons of the ceremony.

Payoff: Pinkerton gets inside the KGC at last.

Irony: The Knight they think is going to expand the secret society is the one who is bent on destroying it.

Setup: What will Pinkerton do next as a Knight of the Golden Circle?

Act 5:

INT. PINKERTON’S SAFE HOUSE – DAY – HIDDEN AGENDA

Although Kate and Pinkerton learn the details of the plot, they struggle to find physical evidence that would prove the plot to Lincoln’s handlers.

Start: Pinkerton is sick about having to participate in the drawing to kill the President.

Challenging Situation: Kate and Pinkerton struggle to figure out their next move.

Conflict: Kate and Pinkerton realize they must find physical evidence to present to Lincoln’s handlers if they are to have any chance at stopping this plot from happening. If they fail, they could be hung and the Union split in two.

Action: Kate and Pinkerton agree that he must go to the drawing in hopes of finding some physical evidence that can be delivered to Lincoln’s handlers.

Finish: Kate commits to working on a plan to communicate what they know to Lincoln’s handlers. Physical evidence or not.

Open Loop: Lincoln is getting closer. How can they prove what they know?

Mystery: What are they missing? What and where could physical evidence of the plot be?

Empathy/Distress: Kate and Pinkerton fear coming up short without physical evidence to support their claim. The newspapers will be all over them if they can’t proof it. Lincoln’s handlers will simply ignore them.

Payoff: Now inside the KGC, Pinkerton needs to find out the exact time and place of the planned assassination.

Irony: Kate will pursue Ferrandini as Pinkerton pursues Ferrandini and the KGC.

Setup: Pinkerton will go to the KGC drawing.

EXT. GRAVESITE – DAY – WOUND

In Springfield, Lincoln says goodbye at the gravesite of his young son, Willy. No matter what happens, I will never leave you.

Start: Lincoln walks up to Willy’s gravesite, takes off his hat. Speaks in a low, broken voice.

Challenging Situation: Lincoln must endure his hardest goodbye. He must say goodbye to his dead son, Willy.

Conflict: Lincoln wants to stay close to Willy, his dead son, but Washington calls. This is going to hurt — a lot.

Action: Lincoln tells Willy his secret, deeply felt reasons for answering the call to Washington and why he must go. Democracy is the hope of the whole world. It must not die. No matter the cost.

Finish: Lincoln slowly puts his hat on, struggles to walk away from the gravesite.

Open Loop: Will Lincoln be able to keep his promise to Willy?

Mystery: Why is Lincoln in a cemetery?

Empathy/Distress: Lincoln is heartbroken at the reality of having to leave little Willy’s gravesite, perhaps forever.

Payoff: Lincoln is forced to face the deep values in life.

Irony: In facing Willy’s death, Lincoln finds strength to engage with life.

Setup: Lincoln has a purpose now that no man can break.

INT. DRAWING ROOM – NIGHT – DECEPTION

Lock In: Embedded in a KGC meeting as Mr. Hutchinson, Pinkerton witnesses helplessly the setting up of the drawing to select who will have the privilege of assassinating the President. It’s real. It’s happening.

Start: When Pinkerton enters the room, he is greeted enthusiastically by his new friends, his fellow Knights. As the newest Knight, Pinkerton gets a lot of unwanted attention.

Challenging Situation: Embedded in a KGC meeting as Mr. Hutchinson, Pinkerton witnesses helplessly the setting up of the drawing to select who will have the privilege of assassinating the President.

Conflict: Outwardly, Pinkerton shares in the enthusiasm for what is about to happen. Inwardly, he’s sick.

Action: As a new Knight, Pinkerton is given his number determining his order in the drawing.

Finish: Pinkerton tries to stay out of sight in the back of the room, hiding his true feelings.

Open Loop: Will Pinkerton get through this ordeal?

Mystery: Who will draw the red ballot?

Empathy/Distress: Pinkerton is under stress pretending to be white supremacist.

Payoff: Pinkerton penetrates the KGC at last.

Irony: Pinkerton isn’t who the Knights think he is.

Setup: What can Pinkerton learn now that he is in the belly of the beast?

EXT. TRAIN STATION – DAY – WOUND

Lincoln gives an extemporaneous , heartfelt goodbye to his friends at Springfield. As the train pulls away, he remains alone on the rear platform, clutching his chest with his right hand in emotional pain. His left hand holds a small black bag containing the only copy of his inaugural address, a glimmer of hope in the pervasive darkness.

Start: When Lincoln arrives at the train station, he’s surprised to see so many of his old friends and neighbors gathered to stay goodbye to him.

Challenging Situation: A lot of people here and the weather is not cooperating. A light rain starts. No one moves.

Conflict: Lincoln wants to stay with his friends, but he’s being pulled away to Washington.

Action: Lincoln delivers an extemporaneous, heartfelt goodbye to his friends at Springfield.

Finish: As the train pulls away, he remains alone on the rear platform, clutching his chest with his right hand in emotional pain. His left hand holds a small black bag containing the only copy of his inaugural address, a glimmer of hope in the pervasive darkness.

Open Loop: Will Lincoln survive this journey?

Mystery: What is in the small black bag that Lincoln carries with him and won’t let go of?

Empathy/Distress: Lincoln’s heartache of having to leave his friends and Willy’s gravesite.

Payoff: Lincoln hasn’t been sworn into office yet, but because Buchanan is so weak, this moment in effect starts his presidency.

Irony: A man who speaks sparingly now says it all.

Setup: Lincoln makes the case for democracy. It won’t be his last.

INT. DRAWING ROOM – NIGHT – HIDDEN AGENDA

Act 5 TURNING POINT – DECEPTION: Ferrandini confides to Pinkerton that he has planted eight red ballots instead of one in the drawing to choose who will have the privilege of assassinating the President.

It’s Pinkerton’s turn. He walks up, draws a ballot, pauses, looks over at Ferrandini, who smiles at him. Cut.

Start: When Ferrandini sees Pinkerton, he walks up and greets him warmly. My dear friend, thank you for your support.

Challenging Situation: Pinkerton would like nothing more than to disrupt this evil meeting, but he must keep his violent temper under control.

Conflict: Ferrandini confides to Pinkerton that he has planted eight red ballots instead of one in the drawing to choose who will have the privilege of assassinating the President.

Action: It’s Pinkerton’s turn. He walks up to the front of the room, draws a ballot, pauses, looks over at Ferrandini.

Finish: Ferrandini smiles at him.

Open Loop: How will each man who draws a red ballot plan to kill Lincoln?

Mystery: Why eight red ballots instead of one?

Empathy/Distress: It puts Pinkerton under stress to pretend to want to kill Lincoln.

Payoff: Pinkerton has successfully infiltrated the secret society at the heart of the plot.

Irony: The man who wants more than anything to stop this madness must draw a ballot to kill the President. Is it red?

Setup: Now that Kate and Pinkerton know the details of the plot, how can they stop it?

[George Petersen]

George Petersen – SCENE REQUIREMENTS

What I learned from doing this assignment is the importance of outlining. I wonder if they do treatments in Binge Worthy TV?

THE ART OF SECRECY

Teaser:

Lincoln is pulled apart by an angry mob at a Baltimore train station.

Start: Transferring between trains, Lincoln looks worn out, but calm. He smiles, gets in the carriage with Mary.

Challenging Situation: The large crowd presses in. The horses can’t move. When the driver asks them to move, the crowd won’t budge.

Conflict: As Lincoln stands in the carriage and gives a speech of reconciliation and the need for Americans to unite behind democracy and be a light of hope to the world… a gang member grabs his ankle and pulls him down. Within seconds, he is swept away into the seething, roaring mob.

Action: Lincoln is torn apart by the vicious mob.

Finish: Mary lets out a bloody scream. A top hat flies through the air.

Act 1:

EXT. STREETS – DAY

Chicago. 1861. The beginning of new year. What will it bring?

Somehow these sentiments are communicated as Kate walks through the windy streets of the city on the way to her interview.

Start: Kate walks past a sign advertising a fireworks display for the new year, 1861. She walks past a Chicago landmark.

Challenging Situation: The wind is brisk.

Conflict: Kate stops walking, looks up at the stairs leading to the offices of the Pinkerton Detective Agency. After a solemn moment, she turns and walks away.

Action: She stops walking, takes out a newspaper clipping: Detective Wanted for the Pinkerton Agency. She turns, looks back at the offices.

Finish: With a determined gait, Kate climbs the stairs leading into the offices of the Pinkerton Detective Agency.

INT. PINKERTON’S OFFICE – DAY

Kate convinces Pinkerton to hire her as the first woman detective. Though Pinkerton hires Kate, he won’t assign her to anything too dangerous. She’s a woman after all.

INTRIGUING WORLD: Pinkerton assigns Kate to a case that isn’t going anywhere: The Adams Express Company embezzlement. Kate goes undercover, befriends the wife of the thief and recovers the stolen money.

Start: Kate is a young widow looking for a job. She wants to be independent. She’s not looking to get married any time soon: been there, done that.

Challenging Situation: Kate applies for a job for which there is no precedent: there has never been a woman detective.

Conflict: Pinkerton tells Kate there are no clerical openings. She corrects him: she’s applying for the detective job.

Action: Kate explains to Pinkerton that women have their ways of obtaining information that men don’t have. They’re more easily trusted. And better observers than men. Besides, she would welcome the opportunity to put her acting skills to use.

Finish: Kate becomes America’s first woman detective.

INT. FELTON’S OFFICE – DAY

Pinkerton is asked to help protect the rail bridges leading into Baltimore.

Start: Pinkerton, modestly dressed, is a little intimidated by the plush office of the railroad president.

Challenging Situation: Felton tells Pinkerton that men in red shirts hang out under the rail bridges leading into Baltimore. There are rumors they plan to burn the bridges.

Conflict: Felton explains to Pinkerton that if the red shirts burn the bridges, there will be no way to send troops from the Northern states to Washington. He emphasizes that his rail line is the only way northern troops can come to the aid of Washington. If the rail bridges burn, Washington will be vulnerable and unprotected, given how President Buchanan has refused to build up defenses. Southern mobs will be free to attack the capital and make it the center of the Confederacy.

Action: Felton explains the situation using a model diorama in his office.

Finish: Pinkerton agrees to take the case and find out what the red shirts are up to.

INT. PINKERTON’S HOME – DAY

Pinkerton says goodbye to the black family he has been hiding in his home as part of the Underground Railroad.

Start: Pinkerton returns home to his wife and two sons and then goes to a secret room where a black family is hiding.

Challenging Situation: How to get the family on the road to Canada without getting caught.

Conflict: The family fears the last leg of their journey. If they get caught, they will be sent back to the plantation. And if they make it, will they be able to live happily in a new country? Pinkerton shares his own experience of being cut off from his homeland, Scotland, and being hunted for his activities supporting democracy and workers’ rights. You’ll be fine.

Action: Pinkerton gives the father and son lessons in how to be a Cooper, a maker of casks and barrels. He tells them they will need these skills when they get to Canada.

Finish: Pinkerton sends the family off. An emotional farewell.

INT. PINKERTON’S OFFICE – DAY

SECRET IDENTITY: The newspapers cover the story about Kate’s use of a secret identity to befriend the robber’s wife. She’s famous now as the first woman detective.

SECRET: Kate won’t reveal to Pinkerton the details of the case, how a woman managed to do what experienced male detectives couldn’t do, unless he assigns her to the Baltimore team. Pinkerton refuses. He won’t be blackmailed.

Start: Kate enters the office a little shy about her newfound fame.

Challenging Situation: Pinkerton shows Kate the newspaper story about her success in the Adams Express case. He’s very proud of her and for what she has done for the agency.

Conflict: Kate won’t reveal to Pinkerton the details of the case, how a woman managed to do what experienced male detectives couldn’t do, unless he assigns her to the Baltimore team.

Action: Pinkerton refuses. He won’t be blackmailed.

Finish: Pinkerton tells Kate that the Baltimore team’s investigation is far too dangerous for a woman. Any woman. And not to take it personally. But Kate won’t talk with him about the details of the Adams Express job.

EXT. STREET – DAY

Act 1 TURNING POINT- Newspaper reporters hound Pinkerton. They want to know more about Kate.

Start: Pinkerton exits the door to his offices, looks up at the sky. It’s raining. He bursts open his umbrella and only gets to the bottom of the stairs where the reporters surround him.

Challenging Situation: Kate is getting more notoriety than Pinkerton. How can he keep this horse in its stable?

Conflict: At first, the reporters crowd around him and he can’t move. Then he breaks through them and they follow him.

Action: The Newspaper reporters follow Pinkerton down the street and hound him with questions.

Finish: Pinkerton looks flustered as he makes his way down the street in among a cluster of umbrellas.

INT. PINKERTON’S HOME – DAY

Pinkerton changes his mind at the last minute, assigns Kate to the team leaving for Baltimore.

Start: Tension at the dinner table. Kate is conflicted.

Challenging Situation: A goodbye dinner for Pinkerton who will be leaving for Baltimore. Kate is to help oversee the family in his absence.

Conflict: Pinkerton’s boys misbehave, excited to have a dinner guest.

Action: Pinkerton tells Kate that he has changed his mind and assigned her to the Baltimore team.

Finish: Kate is happy, excited to be going.

EXT. TRAIN STATION – DAY

February. Kate, Pinkerton and his team leave for Baltimore.

Start: Waiting to board on the station platform, Pinkerton checks his watch.

Challenging Situation: Pinkerton is trying to get his team aboard the train without attracting attention. It’s a secret mission after all. But Kate is late.

Conflict: A reporter spots Pinkerton. He freezes.

Action: Pinkerton works his way to the last car before boarding, the reporter following him.

Finish: Kate arrives and another detective on the team gets her onboard. Pinkerton confronts her about the necessity of secrecy. Making your connection is essential to maintaining secrecy.

EXT. STREETS – DAY

In Springfield, Lincoln walks the tree-lined streets, says goodbye to his neighbors. Deeply felt.

Start: Lincoln starts his walk with a brisk step.

Challenging Situation: Lincoln tries to maintain proper composure on the outside for what is heart-wrenching in the inside.

Conflict: Lincoln is conflicted about leaving his home for Washington and leaving Willy’s gravesite.

Action: Lincoln shakes hands and embraces his dear friends. The men choke up; the women cry. Everyone’s worried about what may happen to him.

Finish: Now Lincoln meanders, a bit of a lost soul.

INT. TRAIN CAR – DAY

At the team meeting: MYSTERY: The team’s objective is to investigate a rumor that Southern sympathizers are planning to burn the rail bridges around the city in order to prevent Yankee troops from passing through on their way to Washington.

Pinkerton takes Kate aside: UNDESERVED SUFFERING: But being a spy is more dangerous than being a detective, so she must understand that she will be kept in the background. Because she is a woman, she will not be allowed to go deep undercover.

Start: Kate is excited.

Challenging Situation: All the passengers are huddled next to the stovepipe heater at one end of the train car. Pinkerton’s team is huddled on the other end.

Conflict: Pinkerton tells Kate that because she is a woman, she will not be allowed to go deep undercover. It’s far too dangerous for a woman.

Action: Using a foldout map as his guide, Pinkerton lays out the plan to discover who the red shirts are and what they are up to. Do they plan to burn the bridges? And, if so, why? Is it a Southern plot, like Felton has suggested? Or is this some kind of gang thing?

Finish: Kate sulks.

Act 2:

EXT. STREETS – DAY

Kate and Pinkerton go undercover as Union spies. Finally, Kate gets to put her acting talents to the test.

Start: Kate walks the streets of Mobtown wide-eyed.

Challenging Situation: How is Kate going to find out anything about the red shirts who hang around the base of the bridges?

Conflict: Kate gets pushed around because the Southern sympathizers see her as a Northerner.

Action: Kate notices well dressed gentlemen make surreptitious hand gestures to one another as they pass each other on the street.

Finish: Finding it odd, Kate gets Pinkerton and has him confirm it.

INT. HOTEL DINING ROOM – DAY

INTRIGUING WORLD: Kate enters Mobtown, the powder keg world of Baltimore as Miss Kate, spirited Southern socialite. Pinkerton becomes Mr. Hutchinson, wealthy stockbroker in the arms trade. Together they set out to learn why the red shirts are planning to burn the bridges that lead into Baltimore.

Start: Kate, now Miss Dixie, makes her entrance in a dress covered in little Confederate flags with an umbrella to match. Pinkerton, now Mr. Hutchinson, wears a fine suit with a bowler hat and a Palmetto pin on his lapel.

Challenging Situation: How are Kate and Pinkerton going to find out anything in this city hostile to newcomers?

Conflict: Angelina, sitting at a neighboring table with her husband, Rhett, compliments Kate on her dress. But Rhett examines Pinkerton suspiciously.

Action: Angelina and Kate strike up a nonstop conversation and excuse themselves to the powder room.

Finish: Rhett doesn’t like stockbrokers like Pinkerton. He’s a volunteer fireman with the local hook and ladder association. He works for a living. But Pinkerton impresses him with skyrocketing firearm stocks.

INT. LINCOLN’S HOME – DAY

In Springfield, Lincoln attends an informal planning meeting with aids in his home. He wants to take the direct rail route to Washington, but he is convinced that it’s too dangerous going through Southern states. He reluctantly agrees to the long northern route through Buffalo and New York.

Start: Lincoln listens intently to the heated conversation, but doesn’t say a word.

Challenging Situation: How to get Lincoln to Washington safely and without being ridiculed.

Conflict: The team argues over railroad maps and routes.

Action: Lincoln is presented with two choices: Take the direct route and risk mockery or worse by the Southern sympathizers and slaveholders, or… take the much longer northern route through New York.

Finish: Lincoln chooses the longer, more populous northern route because it will give him an opportunity to meet the people he will lead.

INT. HOTEL LOBBY – DAY

CONSPIRACY: Angelina takes Kate under her wing, explains to her who’s who in the Mobtown world.

HIDDEN AGENDA: Angelina boasts to Kate that her husband is part of a secret society devoted to the expansion of slavery and that there is a plan brewing that will shorten the war to a couple weeks, a month at most.

Start: Kate and Angelina sit together and laugh like sisters.

Challenging Situation: Angelina invites Kate to her home. Better not slip up here.

Conflict: Angelina boasts to Kate that her husband is part of a secret society devoted to the expansion of slavery and that there is a plan brewing that will shorten the war to a couple weeks, a month at most. How? Kill Lincoln. Burn the bridges and block northern troops from aiding Washington. Attack the capital and make it the capital of the new Confederacy. Kate declines to go to her home because she’s afraid to be around Rhett, a powerful man.

Action: Angelina explains to Kate who’s who in the Mobtown world.

Finish: Angelina tells Kate that Rhett isn’t home. It’s Friday night. He always has business on Friday nights.

INT. ANGELINA’S DRAWING ROOM – DAY

Turning Point/Midpoint: In an encounter with Angelina’s drunk husband, Rhett of the Black Snakes gang, Miss Dixie discovers that the rumored assassination plot is real and Captain Ferrandini is the ringleader, the one behind it making it happen.

Start: Kate and Angelina enjoy their tea together.

Challenging Situation: Angelina receives word that Rhett is too drunk to make it home alone. She had better come get him.

Conflict: When Kate is alone, Rhett shows up in the doorway, totally plastered. He comes on to Kate.

Action: Kate turns the tables and threatens the greatly confused Rhett, who falls backward into the doorway and confesses that Ferrandini is the one she should talk to if she wants in on the plot to assassinate Lincoln when he passes through Baltimore.

Finish: Angelina shows up in the doorway perplexed.

Act 3:

INT. PINKERTON’S SAFE HOUSE – NIGHT

In response to what Kate has learned, Pinkerton trains her on the art of secrecy and how to be a Union spy.

Start: Pinkerton is stunned to learn his barber is the ringleader of the assassination plot.

Challenging Situation: How to get close to Ferrandini without tipping him off?

Conflict: Pinkerton acknowledges that Ferrandini is his barber and the one he has been pumping information from.

Action: In response to what Kate has learned, Pinkerton trains her on the art of secrecy and how to be a Union spy.

Finish: Kate and Pinkerton set up a ruse that targets Ferrandini.

INT. HOTEL LOBBY – DAY

Deception: The ruse: At a crowded luxury hotel lobby, Hutchinson attacks Miss Dixie for being a Union spy. Ferrandini comes to Miss Dixie’s aid, protecting her reputation.

Start: Kate circulates the room, the social butterfly. Laughing, having a good time. Pinkerton enters, angry.

Challenging Situation: How to get Ferrandini to trust Kate without getting caught?

Conflict: Kate and Pinkerton stage a shouting match in the plush lobby. The staff try to put a stop to it, to no avail. Ferrandini is amused.

Action: At a crowded luxury hotel lobby, Hutchinson attacks Miss Dixie for being soft on the Union. Kate attacks him for being a money-grubbing firearms merchant.

Finish: Ferrandini defends Kate, takes her under his wing. Tells Pinkerton to get lost.

INT. LINCOLN’S HOME – DAY

In Springfield, Lincoln meets with his volunteer security detail, a motley crew of retired military advisors, full of bombastic hot air about what a great job they will do defending the President from the rebels.

Start: As always, Lincoln listens attentively while others talk and shout their views.

Challenging Situation: How to protect the President-Elect when there is no budget to do so?

Conflict: The retired military men argue about who should be in charge of protecting the President.

Action: Lincoln is presented with a plan of an armed guard of soldiers protecting him throughout the journey. Lincoln declines. It would make him look weak and fearful.

Finish: Lincoln expresses his thanks to the men, mentioning that he has no fear, for no American would ever willfully murder an American President.

INT. HOTEL DINING ROOM – DAY

Turning Point: Protecting Kate from Hutchinson, Ferrandini has dinner with her. Kate learns the broad details of the assassination plot.

Start: Kate slips into a dining room where Ferrandini sits waiting for her.

Challenging Situation: Kate goes rogue, agrees to a secret meeting with Ferrandini.

Conflict: Kate is venturing into a close relationship with the enemy that could get her hung on Pratt Street. And she’s doing it without Pinkerton’s guidance.

Action: Kate learns the broad details of the assassination plot. The existence of the KGC and the hardship of organizing and recruiting gang members for the plot.

Finish: Ferrandini asks for another dinner. Kate says yes.

INT. PINKERTON’S SAFE HOUSE – DAY

CONSPIRACY: Kate hurts Pinkerton when she goes deep undercover on Ferrandini after Pinkerton has expressly forbidden it. It pushes him to the limit. How can he protect her if she goes in deep undercover? Pinkerton struggles with his paternal and professional relationship with Kate.

Start: Pinkerton wants answers. What was Kate thinking?

Challenging Situation: How can Kate navigate between two men: Pinkerton and Ferrandini.

Conflict: Pinkerton demands that Kate cut off her relationship with Ferrandini. It’s too dangerous. Let me handle it.

Action: Kate won’t agree to cut off the relationship with Ferrandini. It’s too important and she’s made important headway.

Finish: Kate leaves. Pinkerton simmers.

INT. HOTEL PRIVATE DINING ROOM – NIGHT

Act 3 TURNING POINT – HIDDEN AGENDA: Pursuing Ferrandini as the target, Kate learns about the KGC and its efforts to recruit and organize the gangs of the city for the assassination plot.

Kate is in a situation with Ferrandini, her feelings in conflict with her job. She feels herself caring for a man she must betray.

Start: Kate shows up a little nervous. Ferrandini tries to calm her.

Challenging Situation: Kate must walk a thin wire, balancing her goals as a Union spy with her feelings.

Conflict: Kate is in a situation with Ferrandini, her feelings in conflict with her job.

Action: Kate learns about the KGC and its efforts to recruit and organize the gangs of the city for the assassination plot.

Finish: Kate feels herself caring for a man she must betray.

Act 4:

INT. HOTEL BARBER SHOP – DAY

Hutchinson pays Ferrandini a huge sum of money as a payoff for his investment in the arms trade to help the South. Ferrandini is impressed and sponsors Hutchinson to become a Knight in the KGC.

Start: Pinkerton pretends to be excited about an arms manufacturing investment.

Challenging Situation: Pinkerton tries to buy Ferrandini’s trust. It’s working.

Conflict: It’s hard for Pinkerton to separate from a large sum of money.

Action: Pinkerton, as Hutchinson, pays Ferrandini a huge sum of money for his investment in the arms trade to help the South.

Finish: Ferrandini is impressed and sponsors Hutchinson to become a Knight in the KGC.

INT. LINCOLN’S HOME – DAY

In Springfield, Lincoln and Mary, the ultimate political couple, are packing for the journey when Mary has a tantrum because Lincoln won’t commit to her recommendations for cabinet posts.

Start: Lincoln and Mary pack for the long journey.

Challenging Situation: Mary brings up her recommendations for members of the cabinet.

Conflict: Lincoln bristles at being pressured.

Action: Mary has a tantrum as Lincoln isn’t listening to her.

Finish: Lincoln has to tell Mary flat out that she can’t make cabinet recommendations. He’s the president. Mary pouts.

EXT. SLAUGHTERHOUSE – DAY

Pinkerton is caught snooping around the Blood Tubs slaughterhouse.

ACCUSATION: Accused of being a Union spy, the Blood Tub gang dunks Pinkerton in a tub of pig’s blood.

Before the gang can do worse, Ferrandini rescues Pinkerton.

Start: Pinkerton snoops around a slaughterhouse.

Challenging Situation: In search of physical evidence, Pinkerton is caught snooping around a slaughterhouse.

Conflict: The Blood Tubs debate about what to do with Pinkerton. They can’t figure out what he is up to, so they decide to dunk him.

Action: The Blood Tubs dunk Pinkerton in a tub of pig’s blood. Pinkerton emerges gasping. The Blood Tubs laugh hysterically.

Finish: Before the gang can do worse, Ferrandini rescues Pinkerton.

EXT. WAREHOUSE – NIGHT

Act 4 TURNING POINT – DECEPTION: Pinkerton, disguised as Hutchinson, gets initiated into the KGC. It’s a harrowing ceremony, but infiltration of the KGC is successful. Now he needs them to trust him so he can betray them.

Start: Pinkerton performs the hand gestures that get him into the warehouse.

Challenging Situation: Pinkerton has to pretend to be enthusiastic about a white supremacy ceremony.

Conflict: Pinkerton, a supporter of the Underground Railroad, must join in the racist glee.

Action: Ferrandini sponsors Pinkerton in the elaborate ceremony.

Finish: Pinkerton has to excuse himself and throws up.

Act 5:

INT. PINKERTON’S SAFE HOUSE – DAY

Although Kate and Pinkerton learn the details of the plot, they struggle to find physical evidence that would prove the plot to Lincoln’s handlers.

Start: Pinkerton is sick about having to participate in the drawing to kill the President.

Challenging Situation: Kate and Pinkerton struggle to figure out their next move.

Conflict: Kate and Pinkerton realize they must find physical evidence to present to Lincoln’s handlers if they are to have any chance at stopping this plot from happening. If they fail, they could be hung and the Union split in two.

Action: Kate and Pinkerton agree that he must go to the drawing in hopes of finding some physical evidence that can be delivered to Lincoln’s handlers.

Finish: Kate commits to working on a plan to communicate what they know to Lincoln’s handlers. Physical evidence or not.

EXT. GRAVESITE – DAY

In Springfield, Lincoln says goodbye at the gravesite of his young son, Willy. No matter what happens, I will never leave you.

Start: Lincoln walks up to Willy’s gravesite, takes off his hat. Speaks in a low, broken voice.

Challenging Situation: Lincoln must endure his hardest goodbye. He must say goodbye to his dead son, Willy.

Conflict: Lincoln wants to stay close to Willy, his dead son, but Washington calls. This is going to hurt — a lot.

Action: Lincoln tells Willy his secret, deeply felt reasons for answering the call to Washington and why he must go. Democracy is the hope of the whole world. It must not die. No matter the cost.

Finish: Lincoln slowly puts his hat on, struggles to walk away from the gravesite.

INT. DRAWING ROOM – NIGHT

Lock In: Embedded in a KGC meeting as Mr. Hutchinson, Pinkerton witnesses helplessly the setting up of the drawing to select who will have the privilege of assassinating the President. It’s real. It’s happening.

Start: When Pinkerton enters the room, he is greeted enthusiastically by his new friends, his fellow Knights. As the newest Knight, Pinkerton gets a lot of unwanted attention.

Challenging Situation: Embedded in a KGC meeting as Mr. Hutchinson, Pinkerton witnesses helplessly the setting up of the drawing to select who will have the privilege of assassinating the President.

Conflict: Outwardly, Pinkerton shares in the enthusiasm for what is about to happen. Inwardly, he’s sick.

Action: As a new Knight, Pinkerton is given his number determining his order in the drawing.

Finish: Pinkerton tries to stay out of sight in the back of the room, hiding his true feelings.

EXT. TRAIN STATION – DAY

Lincoln gives an extemporaneous , heartfelt goodbye to his friends at Springfield. As the train pulls away, he remains alone on the rear platform, clutching his chest with his right hand in emotional pain. His left hand holds a small black bag containing the only copy of his inaugural address, a glimmer of hope in the pervasive darkness.

Start: When Lincoln arrives at the train station, he’s surprised to see so many of his old friends and neighbors gathered to stay goodbye to him.

Challenging Situation: A lot of people here and the weather is not cooperating. A light rain starts. No one moves.

Conflict: Lincoln wants to stay with his friends, but he’s being pulled away to Washington.

Action: Lincoln delivers an extemporaneous, heartfelt goodbye to his friends at Springfield.

Finish: As the train pulls away, he remains alone on the rear platform, clutching his chest with his right hand in emotional pain. His left hand holds a small black bag containing the only copy of his inaugural address, a glimmer of hope in the pervasive darkness.

INT. DRAWING ROOM – NIGHT

Act 5 TURNING POINT – DECEPTION: Ferrandini confides to Pinkerton that he has planted eight red ballots instead of one in the drawing to choose who will have the privilege of assassinating the President.

It’s Pinkerton’s turn. He walks up, draws a ballot, pauses, looks over at Ferrandini, who smiles at him. Cut.

Start: When Ferrandini sees Pinkerton, he walks up and greets him warmly. My dear friend, thank you for your support.

Challenging Situation: Pinkerton would like nothing more than to disrupt this evil meeting, but he must keep his violent temper under control.

Conflict: Ferrandini confides to Pinkerton that he has planted eight red ballots instead of one in the drawing to choose who will have the privilege of assassinating the President.

Action: It’s Pinkerton’s turn. He walks up to the front of the room, draws a ballot, pauses, looks over at Ferrandini.

Finish: Ferrandini smiles at him.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen – BEAT SHEET

What I learned doing this assignment is that it’s very helpful for me to try and stop thinking so much and wait for one thing to lead to another. Instead of trying to answer the question, to just be in the question and wait for the connections to happen.

Concept:

Kate Warne — the first female detective — young, inexperienced, idealistic and recently widowed, tasked with delivering President-Elect Lincoln safely to his inauguration, discovers her true grit as she struggles to create an impenetrable veil of secrecy around the President, while a secret society and bloodthirsty street gangs compete to assassinate him as he passes through Mobtown.

Inciting Incident:

Kate discovers the assassination plot against the President.

The stakes: One could make the case that if Kate hadn’t discovered the plot, it’s possible there would be no United States of America today. It was a vulnerable time.

A Story:

Kate’s story.

Life as a Union spy trying to disrupt the first assassination plot against an American President.

B Story:

Kate and Ferrandini’s conflicted personal story.

Kate and Pinkerton’s contentious father-daughter story

C Story:

Authorities:

Lincoln’s story. Mary’s story. And the stories of the gang members, the KGC members, Lincoln’s secretaries and members of his traveling party, local police and politicians.

Beats:

Act 1:

EXT. STREETS – DAY

Chicago. 1861. The beginning of new year. What will it bring?

Somehow these sentiments are communicated as Kate walks through the windy streets of the city on the way to her interview.

INT. PINKERTON’S OFFICE – DAY

Kate convinces Pinkerton to hire her as the first woman detective. Though Pinkerton hires Kate, he won’t assign her to anything too dangerous. She’s a woman after all.

INTRIGUING WORLD: Pinkerton assigns Kate to a case that isn’t going anywhere: The Adams Express Company embezzlement. Kate goes undercover, befriends the wife of the thief and recovers the stolen money.

INT. FELTON’S OFFICE – DAY

Pinkerton is asked to help protect the rail bridges leading into Baltimore.

INT. PINKERTON’S HOME – DAY

Pinkerton says goodbye to the black family he has been hiding in his home as part of the Underground Railroad.

INT. PINKERTON’S OFFICE – DAY

SECRET IDENTITY: The newspapers cover the story about Kate’s use of a secret identity to befriend the robber’s wife. She’s famous now as the first woman detective.

SECRET: Kate won’t reveal to Pinkerton the details of the case, how a woman managed to do what experienced male detectives couldn’t do, unless he assigns her to the Baltimore team. Pinkerton refuses. He won’t be blackmailed.

EXT. STREET – DAY

Act 1 TURNING POINT- Newspaper reporters hound Pinkerton. They want to know more about Kate.

INT. PINKERTON’S OFFICE – DAY

Pinkerton changes his mind at the last minute, assigns Kate to the team leaving for Baltimore.

EXT. TRAIN STATION – DAY

February. Kate, Pinkerton and his team leave for Baltimore.

EXT. STREETS – DAY

In Springfield, Lincoln walks the tree-lined streets, says goodbye to his neighbors. Deeply felt.

INT. TRAIN CAR – DAY

At the team meeting: MYSTERY: The team’s objective is to investigate a rumor that Southern sympathizers are planning to burn the rail bridges around the city in order to prevent Yankee troops from passing through on their way to Washington.

Pinkerton takes Kate aside: UNDESERVED SUFFERING: But being a spy is more dangerous than being a detective, so she must understand that she will be kept in the background. Because she is a woman, she will not be allowed to go deep undercover.

Act 2:

EXT. STREETS – DAY

Kate and Pinkerton go undercover as Union spies. Finally, Kate gets to put her acting talents to the test.

INT. HOTEL DINING ROOM – DAY

INTRIGUING WORLD: Kate enters Mobtown, the powder keg world of Baltimore as Miss Kate, spirited Southern socialite. Pinkerton becomes Mr. Hutchinson, wealthy stockbroker in the arms trade. Together they set out to learn why the red shirts are planning to burn the bridges that lead into Baltimore.

INT. LINCOLN’S HOME – DAY

In Springfield, Lincoln attends an informal planning meeting with aids in his home. He wants to take the direct rail route to Washington, but he is convinced that it’s too dangerous going through Southern states. He reluctantly agrees to the long northern route through Buffalo and New York.

INT. HOTEL LOBBY – DAY

CONSPIRACY: Angelina takes Kate under her wing, explains to her who’s who in the Confederate world.

HIDDEN AGENDA: Angelina boasts to Kate that her husband is part of a secret society devoted to the expansion of slavery and that there is a plan brewing that will shorten the war to a couple weeks, a month at most.

INT. ANGELINA’S DRAWING ROOM – DAY

Turning Point/Midpoint: In an encounter with Angelina’s drunk husband, Rhett of the Black Snakes gang, Miss Dixie discovers that the rumored assassination plot is real and Captain Ferrandini is the ringleader, the one behind it making it happen.

Act 3:

INT. PINKERTON’S SAFE HOUSE – NIGHT

In response to what Kate has learned, Pinkerton trains her on the art of secrecy and how to be a Union spy.

INT. HOTEL LOBBY – DAY

Deception: The ruse: At a crowded luxury hotel lobby, Hutchinson attacks Miss Dixie for being a Union spy. Ferrandini comes to Miss Dixie’s aid, protecting her reputation.

INT. LINCOLN’S HOME – DAY

In Springfield, Lincoln meets with his volunteer security detail, a motley crew of retired military advisors, full of bombastic hot air about what a great job they will do defending the President from the rebels.

INT. HOTEL DINING ROOM – DAY

Turning Point: Protecting Kate from Hutchinson, Ferrandini has dinner with her. Kate learns the details of the assassination plot.

INT. PINKERTON’S SAFE HOUSE – DAY

CONSPIRACY: Kate hurts Pinkerton when she goes deep undercover on Ferrandini after Pinkerton has expressly forbidden it. It pushes him to the limit. How can he protect her if she goes in deep undercover? Pinkerton struggles with his paternal and professional relationship with Kate.

INT. HOTEL PRIVATE DINING ROOM – NIGHT

Act 3 TURNING POINT – HIDDEN AGENDA: Pursuing Ferrandini as the target, Kate learns about the KGC and its efforts to recruit and organize the gangs of the city for the assassination plot.

Kate is in a situation with Ferrandini, her feelings in conflict with her job. She feels herself caring for a man she must betray.

Act 4:

INT. HOTEL BARBER SHOP – DAY

Hutchinson pays Ferrandini a huge sum of money for his investment in the arms trade to help the South. Ferrandini is impressed and sponsors Hutchinson to become a Knight in the KGC.

INT. LINCOLN’S HOME – DAY

In Springfield, Lincoln and Mary, the ultimate political couple, are packing for the journey when Mary has a tantrum because Lincoln won’t commit to her recommendations for cabinet posts.

INT. WAREHOUSE – NIGHT

Turning Point: Pinkerton undergoes the harrowing initiation ceremony into the KGC. Pinkerton and Ferrandini become best friends.

EXT. SLAUGHTERHOUSE – DAY

Pinkerton is caught snooping around the Blood Tubs slaughterhouse.

ACCUSATION: Accused of being a Union spy, the Blood Tub gang dunks Pinkerton in a tub of pig’s blood.

Before the gang can do worse, Ferrandini rescues Pinkerton.

EXT. WAREHOUSE – NIGHT

Act 4 TURNING POINT – DECEPTION: Pinkerton, disguised as Hutchinson, gets initiated into the KGC. It’s a harrowing ceremony, but infiltration of the KGC is successful. Now he needs them to trust him so he can betray them.

Act 5:

INT. PINKERTON’S SAFE HOUSE – DAY

Although Kate and Pinkerton learn the details of the plot, they struggle to find physical evidence that would prove the plot to Lincoln’s handlers.

EXT. GRAVESITE – DAY

In Springfield, Lincoln says goodbye at the gravesite of his young son, Willy. No matter what happens, I will never leave you.

INT. DRAWING ROOM – NIGHT

Lock In: Embedded in a KGC meeting as Mr. Hutchinson, Pinkerton witnesses helplessly the setting up of the drawing to select who will have the privilege of assassinating the President. It’s real. It’s happening. And only he and Kate can stop it. If they fail, they could be hung and the Union split in two.

EXT. TRAIN STATION – DAY

Lincoln gives an extemporaneous , heartfelt goodbye to his friends at Springfield. As the train pulls away, he remains alone on the rear platform, clutching his chest with his right hand in emotional pain. His left hand holds a small black bag containing the only copy of his inaugural address, a glimmer of hope in the pervasive darkness.

INT. DRAWING ROOM – NIGHT

Act 5 TURNING POINT – DECEPTION: Ferrandini plants eight red ballots instead of one in the drawing to choose who will have the privilege of assassinating the President.

It’s Pinkerton’s turn. He walks up, draws a ballot, pauses, looks over at Ferrandini, who smiles at him.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen – SETTING UP THE FUTURE

What I learned doing this assignment is that knowing the future isn’t all that easy.

Big Picture Open Loops/Setups found in the outline:

Will Ferrandini be able to integrate the gangs with the KGC and pull the assassination plot together?

Will Kate be discovered for being a spy and hung on Pratt Street?

Will Pinkerton be able to find physical evidence to prove the existence of the plot to Lincoln’s handlers?

Will Lincoln ever take the existence of a plot to assassinate him seriously?

How will the complicated relationship between Kate and Ferrandini end?

Will Kate make it as a Union spy and, if so, will Kate and Pinkerton learn to work together? Or will they always be in conflict over how best to do things?

[George Petersen]

George Petersen – Adding Empathy/Distress!

What I learned doing this assignment is how difficult it is to put your characters in true distress.

Crucible

Kate in a situation with Ferrandini, her feelings in conflict with her job. She feels herself caring for a man she must betray.

Pinkerton is in a situation with the KGC. He needs them to trust him so he can betray them.

Betrayal

Kate betrays Ferrandini when she doesn’t show up for the initiation into the Wives’ Club of the KGC.

Pinkerton betrays Ferrandini when he befriends him only for the secrets he can get out of him.

Forced Decision

Pinkerton gives in to Kate’s going deep on the target, Ferrandini. The result: Kate is forced to burn Ferrandini.

Lincoln is forced to travel secretly and in disguise when confronted with corroborating evidence of the plot to kill him.

Hurt those they love

Kate hurts Pinkerton when she goes deep undercover on Ferrandini after Pinkerton has expressly forbidden it.

Emotional Dilemma

Kate is in a conflicting emotional relationship with Ferrandini.

Pinkerton struggles with his paternal and professional relationship with Kate.

Ferrandini struggles with what to do after he realizes Kate has betrayed him.

Exposed

When Kate disappears, Ferrandini realizes she’s a spy.

When a drunken Rhett feels threatened by Kate, he exposes Ferrandini as the plot leader.

Must Make Decision with Future Consequences

Kate ignores Pinkerton’s warnings and goes deep undercover on Ferrandini and suffers personal pain and hurt.

When presented with corroborating evidence, Lincoln makes the choice to embrace ridicule instead of projecting a image of no fear.

Act 1:

Though Pinkerton hires Kate, he won’t assign her to anything too dangerous. She’s a woman after all.

INTRIGUING WORLD: Pinkerton assigns Kate to a case that isn’t going anywhere. Kate goes undercover on her first case, a train robbery, and recovers the stolen money.

SECRET IDENTITY: The newspapers cover the story about her use of a secret identity to befriend the robber’s wife. She’s famous now as the first woman detective.

SECRET: Kate won’t reveal to Pinkerton the details of the case, how a woman managed to do what experienced male detectives couldn’t do, unless he assigns her to the Baltimore team. Pinkerton refuses. He won’t be blackmailed.

Act 1 TURNING POINT- Newspaper reporters want to know more about Kate. Pinkerton changes his mind at the last minute, assigns Kate to the team leaving for Baltimore.

MYSTERY: The team’s objective is to investigate a rumor that Southern sympathizers are planning to burn the rail bridges around the city in order to prevent Yankee troops from passing through on their way to Washington.

UNDESERVED SUFFERING: But being a spy is more dangerous than being a detective, so she must understand that she will be kept in the background. Because she is a woman, she will not be allowed to go deep undercover.

Act 2 :

INTRIGUING WORLD: Kate enters Mobtown, the powder keg world of Baltimore as Miss Kate, Southern socialite.

CONSPIRACY: Angelina takes Kate under her wing, explains to her who’s who in the Confederate world.

HIDDEN AGENDA: Angelina boasts to Kate that her husband is part of a secret society devoted to the expansion of slavery and that there is a plan brewing that will shorten the war to a couple weeks, a month at most.

When a drunken Rhett feels threatened by Kate, he exposes Ferrandini as the plot leader.

Act 2 TURNING POINT – Confronting a drunk Rhett of the Black Snakes gang, Kate discovers that Ferrandini is the ringleader of the assassination plot and that the assassination plot is real.

Act 3:

DECEPTION: The public spat between Kate and Pinkerton in the hotel lobby succeeds in getting Ferrandini to protect Kate.

CONSPIRACY: Kate’s decision to go on a date with Ferrandini pushes Pinkerton to the limit.

Pinkerton struggles with his paternal and professional relationship with Kate.

Act 3 TURNING POINT – HIDDEN AGENDA: Pursuing Ferrandini as the target, Kate learns about the KGC and its efforts to recruit and organize the gangs of the city for the assassination plot.

Kate hurts Pinkerton when she goes deep undercover on Ferrandini after Pinkerton has expressly forbidden it.

Kate in a situation with Ferrandini, her feelings in conflict with her job. She feels herself caring for a man she must betray.

Act 4:

Pinkerton and Ferrandini become best friends.

ACCUSATION: The pig’s blood tub incident

Pinkerton is in a situation with the KGC. He needs them to trust him so he can betray them.

Act 4 TURNING POINT – DECEPTION: Pinkerton, disguised as Hutchinson, gets initiated into the KGC. Infiltration of the KGC is successful.

Act 5:

Act 5 TURNING POINT – DECEPTION: Ferrandini plants eight red ballots instead of one in the drawing to choose who will have the privilege of assassinating the President.

WOUND: Lincoln gives an extemporaneous address before the Presidential train leaves Springfield.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen – OPEN LOOPS AND MYSTERIES

What I learned doing this assignment is how open loops and mysteries go together, how one sort of leads to the other.

Act 1:

(OL) Pinkerton is risking his agency’s reputation by hiring a woman. What if she gets injured, or worse, killed? That could sink the agency. What will happen as a result of this decision? / Though Pinkerton hires Kate, he won’t assign her to anything too dangerous. She’s a woman after all.

(OL) With Kate a hero in the newspapers, what will Pinkerton do now? / INTRIGUING WORLD: Pinkerton assigns Kate to a case that isn’t going anywhere. Kate goes undercover on her first case, a train robbery, and recovers the stolen money.

(OL) What will being famous lead to? / SECRET IDENTITY: The newspapers cover the story about her use of a secret identity to befriend the robber’s wife. She’s famous now as the first woman detective.

(M) How did Kate pull this off? / SECRET: Kate won’t reveal to Pinkerton the details of the case, how a woman managed to do what experienced male detectives couldn’t do, unless he assigns her to the Baltimore team. Pinkerton refuses. He won’t be blackmailed.

(M) Everyone wants to know more about Kate. Who is she and how did she pull this off? / Act 1 TURNING POINT- Newspaper reporters want to know more about Kate. Pinkerton changes his mind at the last minute, assigns Kate to the team leaving for Baltimore.

(M) What’s the game plan here? Why is it so important to block Yankee troops from passing through the city? / MYSTERY: The team’s objective is to investigate a rumor that Southern sympathizers are planning to burn the rail bridges around the city in order to prevent Yankee troops from passing through on their way to Washington.

(OL) Will Kate accept being demoted just because she’s a woman? Will she stay in the background and just watch passively? / UNDESERVED SUFFERING: But being a spy is more dangerous than being a detective, so she must understand that she will be kept in the background. Because she is a woman, she will not be allowed to go deep undercover.

Act 2 :

(M) Why are emotions running so high in this city? Is it a Northern city? Or a Southern city? The Southern sympathizers are determined to make it a Southern city. Will they succeed? / INTRIGUING WORLD: Kate enters Mobtown, the powder keg world of Baltimore as Miss Kate, Southern socialite.

(OL) Who are these characters who are playing a role in the emerging Confederacy and what is their game plan? / CONSPIRACY: Angelina takes Kate under her wing, explains to her who’s who in the rebel world.

(M) What secret plan is Rhett involved in? / HIDDEN AGENDA: Angelina boasts to Kate that her husband is part of a secret society devoted to the expansion of slavery and that there is a plan brewing that will shorten the war to a couple weeks, a month at most.

(M) Who is Ferrandini and what is he planning for an assassination plot? / Act 2 TURNING POINT – Confronting a drunk Rhett of the Black Snakes gang, Kate discovers that Ferrandini is the ringleader of the assassination plot and that the assassination plot is real.

Act 3:

(OL) What will happen with Kate’s ruse to get Ferrandini to pay attention to her? / DECEPTION: The public spat between Kate and Pinkerton in the hotel lobby succeeds in getting Ferrandini to protect Kate.

(OL) Will Kate slip up and get herself hung on Pratt Street? / CONSPIRACY: Kate’s decision to go on a date with Ferrandini pushes Pinkerton to the limit.

(M) Who are the KGC members and what are they doing with the gangs? / Act 3 TURNING POINT – HIDDEN AGENDA: Pursuing Ferrandini as the target, Kate learns about the KGC and its efforts to recruit and organize the gangs of the city for the assassination plot.

Act 4:

(OL) Will Ferrandini learn that Pinkerton is a spy and have him killed? / Pinkerton and Ferrandini become best friends.

(OL) Having discovered Pinkerton snooping around, will the Blood Tubs kill him? / ACCUSATION: The pig’s blood tub incident. Ferrandini comes to Pinkerton’s rescue.

(M) Now becoming a member, what can Pinkerton learn about what’s really going on with the KGC? / Act 4 TURNING POINT – DECEPTION: Pinkerton, disguised as Hutchinson, gets initiated into the KGC. Infiltration of the KGC is successful.

Act 5:

(OL) What will happen now with eight ballot winners independently planning to kill Lincoln? / Act 5 TURNING POINT – DECEPTION: Ferrandini plants eight red ballots instead of one in the drawing to choose who will have the privilege of assassinating the President.

(OL) Will Lincoln make it to Washington alive? Will he live to deliver his inaugural address? / WOUND: Lincoln gives a heartfelt, extemporaneous address before the Presidential train leaves Springfield.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen – STACKING INTRIGUE

What I learned doing this assignment is that intrigue isn’t based on one thing. It should be coming from multiple angles at once.

Make a list of your turning points.

Act 1:

Though Pinkerton hires Kate, he won’t assign her to anything too dangerous. She’s a woman after all.

INTRIGUING WORLD: Pinkerton assigns Kate to a case that isn’t going anywhere. Kate goes undercover on her first case, a train robbery, and recovers the stolen money.

SECRET IDENTITY: The newspapers cover the story about her use of a secret identity to befriend the robber’s wife. She’s famous now as the first woman detective.

SECRET: Kate won’t reveal to Pinkerton the details of the case, how a woman managed to do what experienced male detectives couldn’t do, unless he assigns her to the Baltimore team. Pinkerton refuses. He won’t be blackmailed.

Act 1 TURNING POINT- Newspaper reporters want to know more about Kate. Pinkerton changes his mind at the last minute, assigns Kate to the team leaving for Baltimore.

MYSTERY: The team’s objective is to investigate a rumor that Southern sympathizers are planning to burn the rail bridges around the city in order to prevent Yankee troops from passing through on their way to Washington.

UNDESERVED SUFFERING: But being a spy is more dangerous than being a detective, so she must understand that she will be kept in the background. Because she is a woman, she will not be allowed to go deep undercover.

Act 2 :

INTRIGUING WORLD: Kate enters Mobtown, the powder keg world of Baltimore as Miss Kate, Southern socialite.

CONSPIRACY: Angelina takes Kate under her wing, explains to her who’s who in the Confederate world.

HIDDEN AGENDA: Angelina boasts to Kate that her husband is part of a secret society devoted to the expansion of slavery and that there is a plan brewing that will shorten the war to a couple weeks, a month at most.

Act 2 TURNING POINT – Confronting a drunk Rhett of the Black Snakes gang, Kate discovers that Ferrandini is the ringleader of the assassination plot and that the assassination plot is real.

Act 3:

DECEPTION: The public spat between Kate and Pinkerton in the hotel lobby succeeds in getting Ferrandini to protect Kate.

CONSPIRACY: Kate’s decision to go on a date with Ferrandini pushes Pinkerton to the limit.

Act 3 TURNING POINT – HIDDEN AGENDA: Pursuing Ferrandini as the target, Kate learns about the KGC and its efforts to recruit and organize the gangs of the city for the assassination plot.

Act 4:

Pinkerton and Ferrandini become best friends.

ACCUSATION: The pig’s blood tub incident

Act 4 TURNING POINT – DECEPTION: Pinkerton, disguised as Hutchinson, gets initiated into the KGC. Infiltration of the KGC is successful.

Act 5:

Act 5 TURNING POINT – DECEPTION: Ferrandini plants eight red ballots instead of one in the drawing to choose who will have the privilege of assassinating the President.

WOUND: Lincoln gives an extemporaneous address before the Presidential train leaves Springfield.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen – LAYERS AND REVEALS

What I learned from doing this assignment is, well, for me it seems that discovering the characters’ dilemmas makes discovering layers and reveals easier for me.

Layers, cover ups and reveals:

LAYER: Kate’s dilemma: to get closer to Ferrandini and risk involvement or keep a safe distance?

KATE COVERS UP HER TRUE IDENTITY: Turning Point that creates the dilemma: Her encounter with Rhett propels her to go spy intensely on the target, Ferrandini.

TERMINATING THE RELATIONSHIP REVEALS KATE AS A SPY: Turning Point that resolves the dilemma: Pinkerton presses Kate to cut off the relationship.

LAYER: Pinkerton’s dilemma: to push Kate to go deeper or to protect the daughter he never had?

KATE COVERS UP HER TRUE IDENTITY: Turning Point that creates the dilemma: Kate’s decision to go on a date with Ferrandini pushes Pinkerton to the limit.

LAYER: Turning Point that resolves the dilemma: Pinkerton assigns her to Lincoln’s protective care.

LAYER: Lincoln’s dilemma: to appear as a strong and macho leader or to risk accepting vicious ridicule in order to preserve the Union?

KATE REVEALS THE PLOT: Turning Point that creates the dilemma: Kate’s report to Judd detailing the plot.

FREDERICK REVEALS CORROBORATION: Turning Point that resolves the dilemma: When Frederick arrives with General’s Scott’s report, which independently corroborates Pinkerton’s assessment completely, Lincoln chooses to embrace ridicule in order to preserve the Union.

LAYER: Ferrandini’s dilemma is: who do I trust? Kate or Pinkerton? Pincer trap. But Kate gets too close and becomes vulnerable.

KATE AND PINKERTON COVER UP THEIR TRUE IDENTITIES: Turning Point that creates the dilemma: The public spat between Kate and Pinkerton in the hotel lobby succeeds in getting Ferrandini to protect Kate.

TERMINATING THE RELATIONSHIP REVEALS KATE AS A SPY: Turning Point that resolves the dilemma: Kate disappears. Ferrandini is hurt and crushed.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen – CHARACTER STORY LINES

What I learned doing this assignment is that story foundations are complex and multilayered

KATE

Beginning: A young widow trying to get a job

Turning Point: Assumes the role of Miss Dixie in roiling Baltimore

Midpoint: Discovers who is behind the plot to assassinate President Lincoln

Turning Point 2: Makes Captain Ferrandini her target. Her goal is to find out the details of the assassination plot.

Dilemma: Her feelings for the handsome Ferrandini are in conflict with the goals of her job. She tells Ferrandini not to trust Hutchinson; trust her instead.

Major Conflict: As time goes on, it’s difficult for her pretending to be a champion of slaveholding values.

Ending: Accomplished Union spy searching for physical evidence to prove the assassination plot to Lincoln’s handlers.

PINKERTON

Beginning: Owner of the first independent detective agency established to provide security to the railroads going in and out of Chicago

Turning Point: Ferrandini tells Pinkerton that he will sponsor him for membership in the KGC

Midpoint: Pinkerton undergoes the harrowing initiation ceremony for the Knights of the Golden Circle

Turning Point 2: Pinkerton gives Ferrandini another large investment payout. He tells Ferrandini not to trust Kate. Trust him instead.

Dilemma: Pinkerton is conflicted: should he order Kate to go deeper and get the physical proof they need to present to Lincoln’s handlers, or should he order her to hold back and avoid danger? She’s the daughter he never had. How could he live with himself if… well, if she died and it was his fault?

Major Conflict: As a member of the Underground Railroad, it’s hard for Pinkerton to pretend to be a champion of slaveholding values.

Ending: Having infiltrated the KGC, Pinkerton witnesses the evolution of the assassination plot firsthand. The problem is: who will believe him?

*

Teaser:

Essence:

Lincoln and Mary exit a train station, get in an open carriage. No dignitaries present. No police. The crowd around them presses in, the horses can’t move. A well dressed man entreats the President politely to make a speech. A weary Lincoln stands up in the carriage. Begins speaking. Someone grabs at his ankle, he goes down. Mary looks around confused. Now a mob, Lincoln is dragged into the hysterical frenzy, being pulled apart by his arms and legs. Mary stands up and lets out a bloody scream. A top hat goes flying through the air.

Turning Point:

Nightmare? Vision of things to come?

Act 1:

Essence:

Chicago. 1861. The beginning of new year. What will it bring?

Kate convinces Pinkerton to hire her as the first woman detective. Pinkerton is asked to help protect the rail bridges leading into Baltimore. He says goodbye to the black family he has been hiding in his home as part of the Underground Railroad. Kate undergoes training to be a Union spy.

Turning Point:

February. Kate, Pinkerton and his team leave for Baltimore.

In Springfield, Lincoln walks the tree-lined streets, saying goodbye to his neighbors. Deeply felt.

Act 2:

Essence:

Kate and Pinkerton go undercover as Union spies. Finally, Kate gets to put her acting talents to the test. Kate becomes Miss Dixie, spirited Southern socialite, and Pinkerton becomes Mr. Hutchinson, wealthy stockbroker in the arms trade. Together they explore leads to understand why the red shirts are planning to burn the bridges that lead into Baltimore.

In Springfield, Lincoln attends an informal planning meeting with aids in his home. He wants to take the direct rail route to Washington, but he is convinced that it’s too dangerous going through Southern states. He reluctantly agrees to the long northern route through Buffalo and New York.

Turning Point/Midpoint:

Looking a little lost, Angelina takes Miss Dixie under her wing. In an encounter with Angelina’s drunk husband, Rhett of the Black Snakes, Miss Dixie discovers that the rumored assassination plot is real and Captain Ferrandini is the one behind it making it happen.

Act 3:

Essence:

At a crowded luxury hotel lobby, Hutchinson attacks Miss Dixie for being a Union spy. Ferrandini comes to Miss Dixie’s aid, protecting her reputation.

In Springfield, Lincoln meets with his volunteer security detail, a motley crew of retired military advisors, full of bombastic hot air about what a great job they will do defending the President from the rebels.

Turning Point:

Protecting Kate from Hutchinson, Ferrandini has dinner with her. Kate learns the details of the assassination plot.

Act 4:

Essence:

Hutchinson pays Ferrandini a huge sum of money for his investment in the arms trade to help the South. Ferrandini is impressed and sponsors Hutchinson to become a Knight in the KGC.

In Springfield, Lincoln and Mary, the ultimate political couple, are packing for the journey when Mary has a tantrum because Lincoln won’t commit to her recommendations for cabinet posts.

Turning Point:

Pinkerton undergoes the harrowing initiation ceremony into the KGC.

Act 5:

Essence:

Although Kate and Pinkerton learn the details of the plot, they struggle to find physical evidence that would prove the plot to Lincoln’s handlers.

In Springfield, Lincoln says goodbye at the gravesite of his young son, Willy. No matter what happens, I will never leave you.

Lock In:

Embedded in the KGC meeting as Mr. Hutchinson, Pinkerton witnesses helplessly the drawing to select who will have the privilege of assassinating the President. It’s real. It’s happening. And only he and Kate can stop it. If they fail, they could be hung and the Union split in two.

Lincoln gives an extemporaneous , heartfelt goodbye to his friends at Springfield. As the train pulls away, he remains alone on the rear platform, clutching his chest in emotional pain. A man on a train with a small black case. Inside is the only copy of his inaugural address, a glimmer of hope in the pervasive darkness.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen – PILOT STRUCTURE

What I learned doing this assignment is the importance of turning points in an outline.

Teaser:

Essence:

Lincoln and Mary exit a train station, get in an open carriage. No dignitaries present. No police. The crowd around them presses in, the horses can’t move. A well dressed man entreats the President politely to make a speech. A weary Lincoln stands up in the carriage. Begins speaking. Someone grabs at his ankle, he goes down. Mary looks around confused. Now a mob, Lincoln is dragged into the hysterical frenzy, being pulled apart by his arms and legs. Mary stands up and lets out a bloody scream. A top hat goes flying through the air.

Turning Point:

Nightmare? Vision of things to come?

Act 1:

Essence:

Chicago. 1861. The beginning of new year. What will it bring?

Kate convinces Pinkerton to hire her as the first woman detective. Pinkerton is asked to help protect the rail bridges leading into Baltimore. He says goodbye to the black family he has been hiding in his home as part of the Underground Railroad. Kate undergoes training to be a Union spy.

Turning Point:

February. Kate, Pinkerton and his team leave for Baltimore.

In Springfield, Lincoln walks the tree-lined streets, saying goodbye to his neighbors. Deeply felt.

Act 2:

Essence:

Kate and Pinkerton go undercover as Union spies. Finally, Kate gets to put her acting talents to the test. Kate becomes Miss Dixie, spirited Southern socialite, and Pinkerton becomes Mr. Hutchinson, wealthy stockbroker in the arms trade. Together they explore leads to understand why the red shirts are planning to burn the bridges that lead into Baltimore.

In Springfield, Lincoln attends an informal planning meeting with aids in his home. He wants to take the direct rail route to Washington, but he is convinced that it’s too dangerous going through Southern states. He reluctantly agrees to the long northern route through Buffalo and New York.

Turning Point/Midpoint:

Looking a little lost, Angelina takes Miss Dixie under her wing. In an encounter with Angelina’s drunk husband, Rhett of the Black Snakes, Miss Dixie discovers that the rumored assassination plot is real and Captain Ferrandini is the one behind it making it happen.

Act 3:

Essence:

At a crowded luxury hotel lobby, Hutchinson attacks Miss Dixie for being a Union spy. Ferrandini comes to Miss Dixie’s aid, protecting her reputation.

In Springfield, Lincoln meets with his volunteer security detail, a motley crew of retired military advisors, full of bombastic hot air about what a great job they will do defending the President from the rebels.

Turning Point:

Protecting Kate from Hutchinson, Ferrandini has dinner with her. Kate learns the details of the assassination plot.

Act 4:

Essence:

Hutchinson pays Ferrandini a huge sum of money for his investment in the arms trade to help the South. Ferrandini is impressed and sponsors Hutchinson to become a Knight in the KGC.

In Springfield, Lincoln and Mary, the ultimate political couple, are packing for the journey when Mary has a tantrum because Lincoln won’t commit to her recommendations for cabinet posts.

Turning Point:

Pinkerton undergoes the harrowing initiation ceremony into the KGC.

Act 5:

Essence:

Although Kate and Pinkerton learn the details of the plot, they struggle to find physical evidence that would prove the plot to Lincoln’s handlers.

In Springfield, Lincoln says goodbye at the gravesite of his young son, Willy. No matter what happens, I will never leave you.

Lock In:

Embedded in the KGC meeting as Mr. Hutchinson, Pinkerton witnesses helplessly the drawing to select who will have the privilege of assassinating the President. It’s real. It’s happening. And only he and Kate can stop it. If they fail, they could be hung and the Union split in two.

Lincoln gives an extemporaneous , heartfelt goodbye to his friends at Springfield. As the train pulls away, he remains alone on the rear platform, clutching his chest in emotional pain. A man on a train with the only copy of his inaugural address, a glimmer of hope in the pervasive darkness.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen – AMAZING INCITING INCIDENT

What I learned doing this assignment is the importance of backing into Act 1. Midpoint first. Act 1 second.

1.What is the “Inciting Incident” of your series that this pilot needs to deliver powerfully?

When Kate discovers that the assassination plot is real and that Captain Ferrandini is the man behind it.

2. Give us the main beats of that Inciting Incident:

Intriguing Concept: An inexperienced woman detective discovers an assassination plot, which could split the Union in two.

Act 1:

Kate and Pinkerton investigate the “red shirts”, men in red shirts who hang out around the rail bridges that are a main artery into Baltimore. The head of the railroad has heard rumors that these men intend to burn down the bridges in order to protect the city from “invading” Yankee soldiers.

Midpoint:

Kate discovers that the assassination plot is real and that Captain Ferrandini is the man behind it.

Lock In:

Kate and Pinkerton agree to infiltrate the Knights of the Golden Circle, a secret society devoted to the expansion of slavery, and to infiltrate Captain Ferrandini’s meetings with the heads of the competing gangs in the city. Kate will be the Southern socialite, Miss Dixie; Pinkerton will be Mr. Hutchinson, a wealthy stockbroker heavy into arms trade. A decision that could get them both hung as Union spies.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen – BIG PICTURE COMPONENTS

What I learned doing this assignment is the importance of outlining before writing.

SERIES INFO:

World: The treacherous, traitorous underworld that gives birth to the Confederacy, seen through the eyes of Union spies, who risk being strung up by a bloodthirsty, rebel mob in order to save the President.

Main mystery: Is the plot to assassinate Lincoln real and, if so, who is behind it?

Impossible Goal: How can Kate and Pinkerton possibly protect Lincoln as he passes through Mobtown without police protection and where the whole city wants him dead?

Main Conflict: Kate and Pinkerton struggle to uncover the plot to assassinate Lincoln, a plot led by Captain Ferrandini who organizes the city’s secret society and competing street gangs.

Second Mystery: Can Kate prove to Pinkerton that women make better detectives and spies?

Season 1 Arc: Kate and Pinkerton uncover and block the assassination plot and get Lincoln safely to Washington where he successfully delivers in inaugural address, but nothing can stop the war that is coming.

Season 1 Protagonist Internal Journey: Kate grows from an aspiring part-time actress to an accomplished Union spy, playing roles that her life depends upon.

PILOT INFO:

Pilot Conflict: Kate and Pinkerton struggle to infiltrate the Knights of the Golden Circle and Ferrandini’s meetings with the street gangs in order to uncover and stop the assassination plot.

Characters Introduced: Kate, Pinkerton, Ferrandini, Lincoln

Inciting Incident of Season 1: Kate discovers that Captain Ferrandini is the ringleader in the plot to assassinate President Lincoln.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen – VISUALLY APPEALING BIBLE

What I learned doing this assignment is how refreshing it is to be able to add a visual perspective to your story, since it has always been forbidden in screenplays.

I enjoyed assembling photographs from the internet. Closeup framing in historical paintings seemed especially useful. Some original photography doesn’t seem totally out of the question.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen – EDITED TV PITCH BIBLE

What I learned from doing this assignment is the value of multiple passes on a project.

TITLE: THE ART OF SECRECY

GENRE: One Hour Thriller

CONCEPT:

Kate Warne — the first female detective — young, inexperienced, idealistic and recently widowed, tasked with delivering President-Elect Lincoln safely to his inauguration, discovers her true grit as she struggles to create an impenetrable veil of secrecy around the President, while a secret society and bloodthirsty street gangs compete to assassinate him as he passes through Mobtown.

WORLD:

The treacherous, traitorous underworld that gives birth to the Confederacy, seen through the eyes of Union spies, who risk being strung up by a bloodthirsty, rebel mob in order to save the President.

SUMMARY:

“In 1835, the would-be assassin of Andrew Jackson was declared insane. It was a fluke, not to be taken seriously. Assassination, that is. And so, as 1861 unfolds, no American President had ever been assassinated. Assassinations were a thing in Europe, but not here, in America. No president had protection of any kind. They all walked the streets of Washington alone, unescorted. And no American President ever resisted protection more fiercely than Abraham Lincoln. But Baltimore was in turmoil with Southern sympathizers agitating for rebellion. And Lincoln was scheduled to pass through the city — unprotected.”

— Alan Pinkerton

It was in this powder keg environment that detectives Kate Warne and Alan Pinkerton found themselves. The rumors spreading through Baltimore of an assassination plot… were they true? Imagine Pinkerton’s surprise when Kate tells him that his barber, the one he pumps information from as he gets his beard trimmed, is the ringleader. Is everything he knows misinformation? Now it so happens that this ringleader, Ferrandini the barber, is quite taken with Miss Dixie, an attractive young Southern socialite new to the city. He loves the way she dresses in a long, flowing dress covered with Confederate flags with an umbrella to match, and the way she facetiously pleads with him to bring her Lincoln’s heart after the assassination. As his fondness for her grows, a date is set for her induction into the Wives’ Club of the Knights of the Golden Circle, but, on her insistence, it will be the day after the assassination, thereby making for a double celebration. Of course, that day will never come because, as Kate, accomplished Union spy, she will be busy finding a way to get Lincoln through Baltimore in one piece. Of course, her greatest obstacle won’t be the gangs. It won’t be the KGC. It will be Lincoln himself.

CHARACTERS:

KATE WARNE

Young, beautiful, haunted by the loss of her husband, all of twenty-eight, I think, she didn’t deserve what happened to her. Who expects to lose a husband at that age? Now a widow of limited means, you’d expect her to take her place in a little corner of life. That’s what Pinkerton thought: cheap clerical help. But she wasn’t answering the ad for clerical help — she was answering the ad for a detective. Woman detective? Really? Kate’s point was that women could go places men couldn’t go. They could “worm” their way into relationships, become confidants of the wives of criminals, find out where the money was buried before men could. And so, the first woman detective was born. As well as a race with Pinkerton to be the first to discover the details of the plot to assassinate the President as he passes through Baltimore. When she tells Pinkerton that she agreed to be initiated into the Wives’ Club of the KGC, he explodes in anger. Doesn’t she realize the danger she’s putting herself in? Better walk that wire carefully, “Miss Dixie,” firecracker Southern Belle socialite.

CYPRIANO FERRANDINI

Is this man handsome, or what? He’s got those long black curly locks, pushed back behind his ears with that new oil they use. And the black mustache, against that pale white complexion. You’d think he’s a man of the theater. He’s got that little shop in the best hotel, the center of social life in Baltimore. And as the city’s gentleman’s barber, he’s privy to the city’s dark secrets, talk as men do while their hair is being trimmed. There would be nothing stopping him from becoming the hero to the Confederacy that he so desperately wants to be, if it weren’t for the buffoons in the KGC and the trigger-happy leaders of the street gangs. How could people be so stupid? We’re supposed to do this secretly, you know. If people don’t start listening to him a lot of people are going to be arrested. Even hung. People better start organizing and listening to him. It takes a military man to get things done. Someone not afraid to do what’s necessary, someone driven by revenge for the loss of his friends while fighting with the fascists in Italy. He’s the best barber in town, no better man with a razor, but if he finds out you’re a Yankee spy, he won’t hesitate to slit your throat.

ALAN PINKERTON

The art of secrecy. That’s what makes Pinkerton tick. Secrecy isn’t just a tool, it’s an art. To be an effective detective means being on top of a lot of things: like an actor on stage, a costume designer, a makeup artist, a linguist. And then there is the art of the operation itself: who walks in, when, and who walks out, where. Entrances and exits. Don’t blow your lines. Live the part. And live it he does. As Hutchinson, the exclusive stockbroker, in on the best deals, happy to buy drinks all round, happy to pay out big dividends to Southern gentlemen who trust him, a stalwart of the Confederacy. This homesick penny-pincher could never spend that kind of money in real life. Pinkerton’s a living contradiction: never more himself when he’s busy being someone else.

ABRAHAM LINCOLN

For those who don’t know him personally, Abraham Lincoln is a president-elect who is revered as a nice guy, a rail splitter, a man who is good with his hands. But for us, he is the most savvy of politicians, a man you don’t want to cross, for fear you might end up in a ditch — politically speaking, that is. Most people know him as the grand storyteller, the man who gets people laughing, but we know him as a deeply melancholic man, a man who seems to take on other people’s suffering as his own. He’s extremely intelligent, always thinking, nothing gets past him; he doesn’t talk a lot, but his eyes are always scanning for information — like a shark. He’s not a military man, a man of guns and things like that, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t know how to handle a weapon. His weapon, you see, are words. First comes that stare, that piercing stare, and then the words, the words that can cut and slice you to pieces. Remember, whatever you do, don’t cross him politically. Don’t let his nice guy manners and his infectious laugh get to you. I’m not here to prevent you from doing what you want, but don’t say I didn’t warn you if you find yourself waking up in a ditch.

EPISODES:

Episode 1: THE RED BALLOT

Kate Warne — young, beautiful, and recently widowed — needs a job. Acting suited her. They called her a chameleon, as she could melt into her roles, undergo a metamorphosis of sorts. She loved acting and all that came with it, but now, with her husband gone, she needed to pay the bills, be self-sufficient, an independent woman. She was before her time. She answers an ad in the classifieds. Alan Pinkerton quickly informs her that he has no need for additional secretarial help, but she corrects him: she is applying for the detective job. At first, Pinkerton thinks she is a little nuts, as there has never been a woman detective before. But she convinces him that a woman can go places a man could never go, discover secrets that would never be revealed to a man. Despite the risks (if a female employee were harmed at the tender age of twenty-eight, it could ruin his reputation) he hires her, and so begins the saga of the first woman detective.

Pinkerton puts Kate on the team of detectives going to Baltimore, a city whose response to a flood of immigrants has been to create competing street gangs in each voting district, a response which has earned it the nickname: Mobtown. The team’s original objective is to investigate a rumor that Southern sympathizers are planning to burn the rail bridges around the city in order to prevent Yankee troops from passing through on their way to Washington. When Kate informs Pinkerton that his informant, Captain Ferrandini of the Mobtown militia, is the actual ringleader of a plot to assassinate President Lincoln, it turns the whole investigation upside down.

Kate helps Pinkerton get initiated into the Knights of the Golden Circle (KGC,) a secret society devoted to the expansion of slavery, where he learns that its leader, Ferrandini, has organized a secret drawing: the Knight who draws the red ballot will be the one who will have the privilege of assassinating President Lincoln. His identity will never be revealed to anyone, even fellow Knights, and a fired up steamer will be waiting to whisk him away once the deed is accomplished. But, in an apparent effort to ensure success, Pinkerton learns that Ferrandini has surreptitiously planted eight red ballots instead of one. The winning Knights of the drawing: Mack of the Bloody Eights, Whit of the Plug Uglies, Clyde of the Blood Tubs, Jude of the Rip Raps, Gage of the American Rattlers, Rhett of the Black Snakes, Jack of the Butt Enders and Miles of the KGC.

Episode 2: MOBTOWN DESCENDS INTO CHAOS

The Presidential Train taking Lincoln from Springfield to Washington pulls to a stop in the middle of nowhere. That odd thing spotted on the tracks by the engineer turns out to be a makeshift bomb, set to go off when the train passes overhead. Who would do this and why? And why does Lincoln shrug it off?

Pinkerton preps Kate for being a Union spy with the ferocious Confederate Captain Ferrandini as the target.

Ferrandini counsels the gang members and the KGC on respect for the winner of the drawing. He alone will chose the method of assassination: gunshot or hanging or knifing or the bombing of rail bridges.

A nervous Kate spends the afternoon with Ferrandini, testing her theories about the advantages of being a woman detective for the first time. Will her acting talents enable her to discover some details about the assassination plot? Or will she slip up and be hung naked on Pratt Street?

Episode 3: THE GANGS OF MOBTOWN

At a clandestine meeting, rival gang members rebel against Ferrandini’s strong-arm tactics. They don’t want to be restricted. They all want to be part of Lincoln’s assassination. Ferrandini, a military man, pulls out all the stops to suppress mutiny. It’s not lost on Ferrandini that he as head of the rebellion in Baltimore must suppress the rebel gang leaders if the assassination plot is to succeed.

After spending a long evening alone with Ferrandini, Kate learns that he prefers the assassination to happen in a carriage transporting Lincoln from the northbound train station to the southbound train station. Here, the President will be most vulnerable as it has been arranged that no police force will be present at the moment of transfer. Kate finds herself conflicted: she finds herself both repelled and attracted to Ferrandini at the same time.

Kate and Pinkerton struggle to form a plan to convince the Presidential Party not to pass through Baltimore. But they know the plan will be rejected. If Lincoln doesn’t show up for his inaugural address, the South will be embolden. The Union could split right there.

Episode 4: BRING ME LINCOLN’S BEATING HEART

At a meeting with the gangs, Ferrandini concedes to expanding the assassination plot to include burning the rail bridges outside Baltimore to prevent Union troops from entering the city, an expected Yankee response to the planned assassination.

With time running out, Kate searches in vain for credible evidence that will sway the Presidential Party and Lincoln himself. She knows what’s going to happen. The question is: how can she convince skeptical Presidential Aids of the reality that simmers in Mobtown: an uncontrollable, wild energy that pervades the city and pushes it inexorably toward the irrational.

As Ferrandini’s fondness for Kate grows, a date is set for her initiation into the Wives Club of the KGC, but, on her insistence, it will be the day after the assassination, thereby making for a double celebration

When Kate tells Pinkerton she has told Ferrandini that she intends to join the Wives Club of the KGC, Pinkerton explodes, concerned for her safety. He points out the window at a straw dummy in a top hat burning in effigy down the street. One false move and she could end up like this.

Episode 5: WHERE’S MISS DIXIE?

Pinkerton impresses upon Kate that the success of all their efforts comes down to whether or not she will be able to make contact with the Presidential Party as it passes through New York. She must go and forget Ferrandini and the KGC Wives’s Club initiation. Kate struggles with the idea of burning Ferrandini. When she doesn’t show up for the initiation ceremony, Ferrandini is alarmed and crushed. What’s happening? Something must be up. Ferrandini assembles his military team to go find out what’s going on.

Kate goes to New York City to see Norman B. Judd , the member of the Presidential Party who is Lincoln’s most trusted friend and advisor. If she can convince him, he will convince Lincoln. Only problem is: she has no conclusive evidence.

Will Kate be successful in convincing Judd to warn Lincoln and get him to change plans for traveling through Baltimore? Or will she be viewed as a typical hysterical female. If so, the President is surely doomed.

Episode 6: THIS TRAIN IS NOT COMING BACK

Will Lincoln’s friend and bodyguard, Ward H. Lamon, sabotage all efforts to create an impenetrable veil of secrecy around the President?

Going crazy in Philadelphia, Kate finds her assertive side; she won’t back down in putting together the details of the plan.

But back in Harrisburg, will Pinkerton ever be able to convince Lincoln to change plans and get on the train in time?

Under a crushing deadline, Kate completes the arrangements for the train trip through Baltimore.

Discovering corroborating evidence, Lincoln finally agrees to leaving Harrisburg abruptly. But will he escape Mary’s wrath when she wakes up to find him gone?

Episode 7: UNDER COVER OF DARKNESS

Getting ready for the Presidential train, gang members tie explosives to the wooden beams of the rail bridges entering Baltimore.

When Lincoln finally accepts Kate’s plan to disguise him as her “sick” brother, she grows as a professional spy. She outsmarts the KGC on the train, using only her weapons of wit and beauty, never letting up on her job of keeping Lincoln safe as he passes through smoldering rebel territory.

As the horses pull the train car through the dark streets of Baltimore, will Lincoln make it through Baltimore alive?

Episode 8: WILL THEY ATTACK THE CAPITAL?

Upon hearing the news of Lincoln’s safe arrival in Washington, Baltimore becomes a powder keg of raw emotion.

Feeling bad, Kate goes back to Baltimore to find Ferrandini and explain herself, only to discover that he is married with two children.

Upon hearing the news that Union soldiers are due to pass through Baltimore on a train, the mob takes to the streets and erupts in violence, then sets out to burn the bridges.

With Washington the most vulnerable it has ever been since war with the British, Mary asks Lincoln the obvious question: Will the Baltimore mob go crazy, invade Washington and (gulp) attack the Capital? American citizens? Attacking the capital? That will never happen.

SEASONS:

SEASON 1 – MOBTOWN

Kate Warne gets the detective job with the Pinkerton Agency, making her the first woman detective. Pinkerton assigns her to the Mobtown team where she discovers that Pinkerton’s barber, Captain Ferrandini, is trying to merge a secret society devoted to the expansion of slavery with the competing gangs of Baltimore in order to form an formidable assassination plot directed at President Lincoln as he passes through Baltimore on his way to his inauguration. As an aspiring spy, Kate nervously endures herself to Captain Ferrandini and learns the details of the ensuing plot to kill the President.

Pinkerton assigns her to go to New York and engage Norman B. Judd in the hope that he will be able to get Lincoln to change his plans of traveling through Mobtown. Perhaps settle for the inauguration to take place in Philadelphia instead. But Lincoln will have none of it. He won’t be perceived as a coward, especially in this powder keg environment.

But corroborating evidence convinces Lincoln to accept Kate’s plan of him traveling incognito as her sick brother. Despite the danger, Kate gets him through Baltimore safely.

Upon the news that Lincoln is safe in Washington, Mobtown simmers. When news spreads that Lincoln has called for troops to come and protect Washington, the gangs riot and burn the bridges in order to stop the passage of the troops through Baltimore, the sole train route into Washington.

Gazing at the dark, menacing northern horizon, Mary asks Lincoln if the mobs will come to Washington and attack the capital.

SEASON 2 -THE WAR COMES

At first, being a Union spy didn’t seem all that different from being a detective, but when her partner is hunted down and hung for all to see, Kate decides to go deeper into Confederate social circles and get the intelligence Pinkerton needs to present to generals on the battlefield. But speed brings risks and one untrue move and the Confederate agents will string her up too. Battlefield victories, after all, are essential for Lincoln to win; otherwise, the Democrats will end the war with slavery still intact and all will be lost.

SEASON 3 – END OF DREAMS

When Kate first meets the captivating, Abrielle, she wastes no time recruiting her to be a Union spy. Baltimore is a rebel hotbed and Kate knows she will need someone young and vulnerable to help form enduring relationships with the wives of KGC members. All goes well until Abrielle attends a stage performance of Hamlet, showcasing the talents of a visiting KGC member, a celebrated Shakespearean actor by the name of Wilkes Booth. Kate must use her past experience with Ferrandini to help Abrielle break free from what’s happening to her. Or use the relationship to penetrate the KGC. Lincoln and Pinkerton clash over security issues when they meet in a battlefield tent. Pinkerton and Lamon, just like they did years ago, clash again over Lincoln’s lack of a modern security service. A few weeks later, Wilkes Booth assassinates Lincoln. Pinkerton goes into a deep depression; Kate struggles to help Abrielle understand that being a spy is dangerous, but also heartbreaking.

SEASON 4 – RISING FROM THE ASHES

Shaken by the experience of providing security for Lincoln’s funeral train as it meanders through mourning crowds on its way back to Springfield, Pinkerton considers letting go of the detective agency in Chicago. It seems like a lifetime ago that he helped Lincoln get from Springfield to Washington in a spirit of hope; now he helps him make the trip back home to Springfield in a spirit of despair. Kate and Abrielle give him a burst of optimism by opening a dynamic woman detective division. Working a bank fraud case, Kate and Abrielle become intrigued with a story about a lost gold shipment of the KGC. Pinkerton opposes the investigation, wanting to let go of any memories of the war. Will Kate and Abrielle discover the truth behind the story of the missing KGC shipment of gold?

SEASON 5 – HOME AT LAST

When people who knew Lincoln firsthand came to realize that there was money to be made in books and speaking engagements, Pinkerton’s reputation was viciously attacked, especially by Lamon. After all, Pinkerton alone knew the details of many crucial events of Lincoln’s secret passage through Mobtown. Kate helps him write a book detailing what really happened. When Kate becomes ill, she decides to take one last case. Abrielle makes a shocking discovery about the missing KGC gold shipment. After Kate dies, Pinkerton decides to have her buried in the family plot — the daughter he never had. He concludes his commentary: “And that’s how women became detectives in America.”

[George Petersen]

George Petersen – EPISODE TITLES

What I learned from doing this assignment is that there is always a better title, pretty much.

TITLE:

THE ART OF SECRECY

EPISODES:

Episode 1: THE RED BALLOT

Episode 2: A CITY IN CHAOS

Episode 3: THE GANGS OF BALTIMORE

Episode 4: BRING ME LINCOLN’S BEATING HEART

Episode 5: WHERE’S MISS DIXIE?

Episode 6: THIS TRAIN IS NOT COMING BACK

Episode 7: UNDER COVER OF DARKNESS

Episode 8: WILL THEY ATTACK THE CAPITAL?

SEASONS:

SEASON 1 – MOBTOWN

SEASON 2 -THE WAR COMES

SEASON 3 – END OF DREAMS

SEASON 4 – RISING FROM THE ASHES

SEASON 5 – HOME AT LAST

[George Petersen]

George Petersen – Presents Non-Stop Intrigue

What I learned from this assignment is you can’t have too much intrigue in your Bible.

TITLE: THE ART OF SECRECY

GENRE: Thriller

CONCEPT:

Kate Warne — the first female detective — young, inexperienced, idealistic and recently widowed, tasked with delivering President-Elect Lincoln safely to his inauguration, discovers her true grit as she struggles to create an impenetrable veil of secrecy around the President, while a secret society and bloodthirsty street gangs compete to assassinate him as he passes through Mobtown.

WORLD:

The treacherous, traitorous underworld that gives birth to the Confederacy, seen through the eyes of Union spies, who risk being strung up by a bloodthirsty, rebel mob in order to save the President.

SUMMARY:

“In 1835, the would-be assassin of Andrew Jackson was declared insane. It was a fluke, not to be taken seriously. Assassination, that is. And so, as 1861 unfolds, no American President had ever been assassinated. Assassinations were a thing in Europe, but not here, in America. No president had protection of any kind. They all walked the streets of Washington alone, unescorted. And no American President ever resisted protection more fiercely than Abraham Lincoln. But Baltimore was in turmoil with Southern sympathizers agitating for rebellion. And Lincoln was scheduled to pass through the city — unprotected.”

— Alan Pinkerton

It was in this powder keg environment that detectives Kate Warne and Alan Pinkerton found themselves. The rumors spreading through Baltimore of an assassination plot… were they true? Imagine Pinkerton’s surprise when Kate tells him that his barber, the one he pumps information from as he gets his beard trimmed, is the ringleader. Is everything he knows misinformation? Now it so happens that this ringleader, Ferrandini the barber, is quite taken with Miss Dixie, an attractive young Southern socialite new to the city. He loves the way she dresses in a long, flowing dress covered with Confederate flags with an umbrella to match, and the way she facetiously pleads with him to bring her Lincoln’s heart after the assassination. As his fondness for her grows, a date is set for her induction into the Wives’ Club of the Knights of the Golden Circle, but, on her insistence, it will be the day after the assassination, thereby making for a double celebration. Of course, that day will never come because, as Kate, accomplished Union spy, she will be busy finding a way to get Lincoln through Baltimore in one piece. Of course, her greatest obstacle won’t be the gangs. It won’t be the KGC. It will be Lincoln himself.

CHARACTERS:

KATE WARNE

Young, beautiful, haunted by the loss of her husband, all of twenty-eight, I think, she didn’t deserve what happened to her. Who expects to lose a husband at that age? Now a widow of limited means, you’d expect her to take her place in a little corner of life. That’s what Pinkerton thought: cheap clerical help. But she wasn’t answering the ad for clerical help — she was answering the ad for a detective. Woman detective? Really? Kate’s point was that women could go places men couldn’t go. They could “worm” their way into relationships, become confidants of the wives of criminals, find out where the money was buried before men could. And so, the first woman detective was born. As well as a race with Pinkerton to be the first to discover the details of the plot to assassinate the President as he passes through Baltimore. When she tells Pinkerton that she agreed to be initiated into the Wives’ Club of the KGC, he explodes in anger. Doesn’t she realize the danger she’s putting herself in? Better walk that wire carefully, “Miss Dixie,” firecracker Southern Belle socialite.

CYPRIANO FERRANDINI

Is this man handsome, or what? He’s got those long black curly locks, pushed back behind his ears with that new oil they use. And the black mustache, against that pale white complexion. You’d think he’s a man of the theater. He’s got that little shop in the best hotel, the center of social life in Baltimore. And as the city’s gentleman’s barber, he’s privy to the city’s dark secrets, talk as men do while their hair is being trimmed. There would be nothing stopping him from becoming the hero to the Confederacy that he so desperately wants to be, if it weren’t for the buffoons in the KGC and the trigger-happy leaders of the street gangs. How could people be so stupid? We’re supposed to do this secretly, you know. If people don’t start listening to him a lot of people are going to be arrested. Even hung. People better start organizing and listening to him. It takes a military man to get things done. Someone not afraid to do what’s necessary, someone driven by revenge for the loss of his friends while fighting with the fascists in Italy. He’s the best barber in town, no better man with a razor, but if he finds out you’re a Yankee spy, he won’t hesitate to slit your throat.

ALAN PINKERTON

The art of secrecy. That’s what makes Pinkerton tick. Secrecy isn’t just a tool, it’s an art. To be an effective detective means being on top of a lot of things: like an actor on stage, a costume designer, a makeup artist, a linguist. And then there is the art of the operation itself: who walks in, when, and who walks out, where. Entrances and exits. Don’t blow your lines. Live the part. And live it he does. As Hutchinson, the exclusive stockbroker, in on the best deals, happy to buy drinks all round, happy to pay out big dividends to Southern gentlemen who trust him, a stalwart of the Confederacy. This homesick penny-pincher could never spend that kind of money in real life. Pinkerton’s a living contradiction: never more himself when he’s busy being someone else.

ABRAHAM LINCOLN

For those who don’t know him personally, Abraham Lincoln is a president-elect who is revered as a nice guy, a rail splitter, a man who is good with his hands. But for us, he is the most savvy of politicians, a man you don’t want to cross, for fear you might end up in a ditch — politically speaking, that is. Most people know him as the grand storyteller, the man who gets people laughing, but we know him as a deeply melancholic man, a man who seems to take on other people’s suffering as his own. He’s extremely intelligent, always thinking, nothing gets past him; he doesn’t talk a lot, but his eyes are always scanning for information — like a shark. He’s not a military man, a man of guns and things like that, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t know how to handle a weapon. His weapon, you see, are words. First comes that stare, that piercing stare, and then the words, the words that can cut and slice you to pieces. Remember, whatever you do, don’t cross him politically. Don’t let his nice guy manners and his infectious laugh get to you. I’m not here to prevent you from doing what you want, but don’t say I didn’t warn you if you find yourself waking up in a ditch.

EPISODES:

Episode 1: THE RED BALLOT

Kate Warne — young, beautiful, and recently widowed — needs a job. Acting suited her. They called her a chameleon, as she could melt into her roles, undergo a metamorphosis of sorts. She loved acting and all that came with it, but now, with her husband gone, she needed to pay the bills, be self-sufficient, an independent woman. She was before her time. She answers an ad in the classifieds. Alan Pinkerton quickly informs her that he has no need for additional secretarial help, but she corrects him: she is applying for the detective job. At first, Pinkerton thinks she is a little nuts, as there has never been a woman detective before. But she convinces him that a woman can go places a man could never go, discover secrets that would never be revealed to a man. Despite the risks (if a female employee were harmed at the tender age of twenty-eight, it could ruin his reputation) he hires her, and so begins the saga of the first woman detective.

Pinkerton puts Kate on the team of detectives going to Baltimore, a city whose response to a flood of immigrants has been to create competing street gangs in each voting district, a response which has earned it the nickname, Mobtown. The team’s original objective is to investigate a rumor that Southern sympathizers are planning to burn the rail bridges around the city in order to prevent Yankee troops from passing through on their way to Washington. When Kate informs Pinkerton that his informant, Captain Ferrandini of the Mobtown militia, is the actual ringleader of a plot to assassinate President Lincoln, it turns the whole investigation upside down.

Kate helps Pinkerton get initiated into the Knights of the Golden Circle (KGC,) a secret society devoted to the expansion of slavery, where he learns that its leader, Ferrandini, has organized a secret drawing: the Knight who draws the red ballot will be the one who will have the privilege of assassinating President Lincoln. His identity will never be revealed to anyone, even fellow Knights, and a fired up steamer will be waiting to whisk him away once the deed is accomplished. But, in an apparent effort to ensure success, Pinkerton learns that Ferrandini has surreptitiously planted eight red ballots instead of one. The winning Knights of the drawing: Mack of the Bloody Eights, Whit of the Plug Uglies, Clyde of the Blood Tubs, Jude of the Rip Raps, Gage of the American Rattlers, Rhett of the Black Snakes, Jack of the Butt Enders and Miles of the KGC.

Episode 2: A CITY IN CHAOS

The Presidential Train taking Lincoln from Springfield to Washington pulls to a stop in the middle of nowhere. That odd thing spotted on the tracks by the engineer turns out to be a makeshift bomb, set to go off when the train passes overhead. Who would do this and why? And why does Lincoln shrug it off?

Pinkerton preps Kate for being a Union spy with the ferocious Confederate Captain Ferrandini as the target.

Ferrandini counsels the gang members and the KGC on respect for the winner of the drawing. He alone will chose the method of assassination: gunshot or hanging or knifing or the bombing of rail bridges.

A nervous Kate spends the afternoon with Ferrandini, testing her theories about the advantages of being a woman detective for the first time. Will her acting talents enable her to discover some details about the assassination plot? Or will she slip up and be hung naked on Pratt Street?

Episode 3: THE GANGS OF BALTIMORE

At a clandestine meeting, rival gang members rebel against Ferrandini’s strong-arm tactics. They don’t want to be restricted. They all want to be part of Lincoln’s assassination. Ferrandini, a military man, pulls out all the stops to suppress mutiny. It’s not lost on Ferrandini that he as head of the rebellion in Baltimore must suppress the rebel gang leaders if the assassination plot is to succeed.

After spending a long evening alone with Ferrandini, Kate learns that he prefers the assassination to happen in a carriage transporting Lincoln from the northbound train station to the southbound train station. Here, the President will be most vulnerable as it has been arranged that no police force will be present at the moment of transfer. Kate finds herself conflicted: she finds herself both repelled and attracted to Ferrandini at the same time.

Kate and Pinkerton struggle to form a plan to convince the Presidential Party not to pass through Baltimore. But they know the plan will be rejected. If Lincoln doesn’t show up for his inaugural address, the South will be embolden. The Union could split right there.

Episode 4: GOING DEEPER

At a meeting with the gangs, Ferrandini concedes to expanding the assassination plot to include burning the rail bridges outside Baltimore to prevent Union troops from entering the city, an expected Yankee response to the planned assassination.

With time running out, Kate searches in vain for credible evidence that will sway the Presidential Party and Lincoln himself. She knows what’s going to happen. The question is: how can she convince skeptical Presidential Aids of the reality that simmers in Mobtown: an uncontrollable, wild energy that pervades the city and pushes it inexorably toward the irrational.

As Ferrandini’s fondness for Kate grows, a date is set for her initiation into the Wives Club of the KGC, but, on her insistence, it will be the day after the assassination, thereby making for a double celebration

When Kate tells Pinkerton she has told Ferrandini that she intends to join the Wives Club of the KGC, Pinkerton explodes, concerned for her safety. He points out the window at a straw dummy in a top hat burning in effigy down the street. One false move and she could end up like this.

Episode 5: WHERE’S KATE?

Pinkerton impresses upon Kate that the success of all their efforts comes down to whether or not she will be able to make contact with the Presidential Party as it passes through New York. She must go and forget Ferrandini and the KGC Wives’s Club initiation. Kate struggles with the idea of burning Ferrandini. When she doesn’t show up for the initiation ceremony, Ferrandini is alarmed and crushed. What’s happening? Something must be up. Ferrandini assembles his military team to go find out what’s going on.

Kate goes to New York City to see Norman B. Judd , the member of the Presidential Party who is Lincoln’s most trusted friend and advisor. If she can convince him, he will convince Lincoln. Only problem is: she has no conclusive evidence.

Will Kate be successful in convincing Judd to warn Lincoln and get him to change plans for traveling through Baltimore? Or will she be viewed as a typical hysterical female. If so, the President is surely doomed.

Episode 6: LEAVING HARRISBURG

Will Lincoln’s friend and bodyguard, Ward H. Lamon, sabotage all efforts to create an impenetrable veil of secrecy around the President?

Going crazy in Philadelphia, Kate finds her assertive side; she won’t back down in putting together the details of the plan.

But back in Harrisburg, will Pinkerton ever be able to convince Lincoln to change plans and get on the train in time?

Under a crushing deadline, Kate completes the arrangements for the train trip through Baltimore.

Discovering corroborating evidence, Lincoln finally agrees to leaving Harrisburg abruptly. But will he escape Mary’s wrath when she wakes up to find him gone?

Episode 7: UNDER COVER OF DARKNESS

Getting ready for the Presidential train, gang members tie explosives to the wooden beams of the rail bridges entering Baltimore.

When Lincoln finally accepts Kate’s plan to disguise him as her “sick” brother, she grows as a professional spy. She outsmarts the KGC on the train, using only her weapons of wit and beauty, never letting up on her job of keeping Lincoln safe as he passes through smoldering rebel territory.

As the horses pull the train car through the dark streets of Baltimore, will Lincoln make it through Baltimore alive?

Episode 8: WILL THEY ATTACK THE CAPITAL?

Upon hearing the news of Lincoln’s safe arrival in Washington, Baltimore becomes a powder keg of raw emotion.

Feeling bad, Kate goes back to Baltimore to find Ferrandini and explain herself, only to discover that he is married with two children.

Upon hearing the news that Union soldiers are due to pass through Baltimore on a train, the mob takes to the streets and erupts in violence, then sets out to burn the bridges.

With Washington the most vulnerable it has ever been since war with the British, Mary asks Lincoln the obvious question: Will the Baltimore mob go crazy, invade Washington and (gulp) attack the Capital? American citizens? Attacking the capital? That will never happen.

SEASONS:

SEASON 1 – THE RED BALLOT

Kate Warne gets the detective job with the Pinkerton Agency, making her the first woman detective. Pinkerton assigns her to the Mobtown team where she discovers that Pinkerton’s barber, Captain Ferrandini, is trying to merge a secret society devoted to the expansion of slavery with the competing gangs of Baltimore in order to form an formidable assassination plot directed at President Lincoln as he passes through Baltimore on his way to his inauguration. As an aspiring spy, Kate nervously endures herself to Captain Ferrandini and learns the details of the ensuing plot to kill the President.

Pinkerton assigns her to go to New York and engage Norman B. Judd in the hope that he will be able to get Lincoln to change his plans of traveling through Mobtown. Perhaps settle for the inauguration to take place in Philadelphia instead. But Lincoln will have none of it. He won’t be perceived as a coward, especially in this powder keg environment.

But corroborating evidence convinces Lincoln to accept Kate’s plan of him traveling incognito as her sick brother. Despite the danger, Kate gets him through Baltimore safely.

Upon the news that Lincoln is safe in Washington, Mobtown simmers. When news spreads that Lincoln has called for troops to come and protect Washington, the gangs riot and burn the bridges in order to stop the passage of the troops through Baltimore, the sole train route into Washington.

Gazing at the dark, menacing northern horizon, Mary asks Lincoln if the mobs will come to Washington and attack the capital.

SEASON 2 -THE WAR COMES

At first, being a Union spy didn’t seem all that different from being a detective, but when her partner is hunted down and hung for all to see, Kate decides to go deeper into Confederate social circles and get the intelligence Pinkerton needs to present to generals on the battlefield. But speed brings risks and one untrue move and the Confederate agents will string her up too. Battlefield victories, after all, are essential for Lincoln to win; otherwise, the Democrats will end the war with slavery still intact and all will be lost.

SEASON 3 – END OF DREAMS

When Kate first meets the captivating, Abrielle, she wastes no time recruiting her to be a Union spy. Baltimore is a rebel hotbed and Kate knows she will need someone young and vulnerable to help form enduring relationships with the wives of KGC members. All goes well until Abrielle attends a stage performance of Hamlet, showcasing the talents of a visiting KGC member, a celebrated Shakespearean actor by the name of Wilkes Booth. Kate must use her past experience with Ferrandini to help Abrielle break free from what’s happening to her. Or use the relationship to penetrate the KGC. Lincoln and Pinkerton clash over security issues when they meet in a battlefield tent. Pinkerton and Lamon, just like they did years ago, clash again over Lincoln’s lack of a modern security service. A few weeks later, Wilkes Booth assassinates Lincoln. Pinkerton goes into a deep depression; Kate struggles to help Abrielle understand that being a spy is dangerous, but also heartbreaking.

SEASON 4 – A NEW BEGINNING

Shaken by the experience of providing security for Lincoln’s funeral train as it meanders through mourning crowds on its way back to Springfield, Pinkerton considers letting go of the detective agency in Chicago. It seems like a lifetime ago that he helped Lincoln get from Springfield to Washington in a spirit of hope; now he helps him make the trip back home to Springfield in a spirit of despair. Kate and Abrielle give him a burst of optimism by opening a dynamic woman detective division. Working a bank fraud case, Kate and Abrielle become intrigued with a story about a lost gold shipment of the KGC. Pinkerton opposes the investigation, wanting to let go of any memories of the war. Will Kate and Abrielle discover the truth behind the story of the missing KGC shipment of gold?

SEASON 5 – HOME AT LAST

When people who knew Lincoln firsthand came to realize that there was money to be made in books and speaking engagements, Pinkerton’s reputation was viciously attacked, especially by Lamon. After all, Pinkerton alone knew the details of many crucial events of Lincoln’s secret passage through Mobtown. Kate helps him write a book detailing what really happened. When Kate becomes ill, she decides to take one last case. Abrielle makes a shocking discovery about the missing KGC gold shipment. After Kate dies, Pinkerton decides to have her buried in the family plot — the daughter he never had. He concludes his commentary: “And that’s how women became detectives in America.”

[George Petersen]

George Petersen – INTRIGE PATTERNS

What I learned doing this assignment is how many flexible ways there are to say the same thing.

Pinkerton preps Kate for being a Union spy with the ferocious Confederate Captain Ferrandini as the target.

A. Establish something shocking and point to the terrible things it could mean.

When Kate observes Ferrandini on a dark street, lighting a dummy in a top hat on fire to cheers from those surrounding him, she asks Pinkerton to make him a target of the investigation.

B. Strong statement; question about something underhanded beneath the surface.

When Ferrandini greets Pinkerton with a mysterious hand signal, Pinkerton alerts Kate that it’s time to make him a target of the investigation.

C. Question that points to hidden agendas, hidden identity, conspiracy, etc..

When Kate observes Ferrandini giving mysterious hand signals to his customers, she asks Pinkerton to make him a target.

D. Character 1 is convinced/worried/wondering that Character 2 has done _____________.

When Ferrandini marches his armed militia through the city streets, Kate tells Pinkerton it’s time to make him a target.

E. But maybe it is all wrong.

When Ferrandini starts closing the doors to his barber shop around noon each day, Kate tells Pinkerton it’s time to make him a target.

F. A Pattern that Leads to Future Consequences

After Kate observes Ferrandini meeting with Cane, the head of the Police Force, Cane proclaims that no policemen will be needed when Lincoln arrives in Baltimore. Kate tells Pinkerton it’s time to make Ferrandini a target.

G. If he does ________________, that means ___Intrigue_____.

When Ferrandini starts drilling the militia all day long, Kate feels it’s time to make him a target.

H. State the mystery.

When Kate observes Ferrandini giving mysterious hand signals to men he passes in the street, she asks Pinkerton to make him a target.

I. Should be/could be _______, but it is even worse.

Pinkerton thought Ferrandini was his friend, but Kate teaches Pinkerton he is an assassin. Time to make him a target.

J. Intense language.

When Ferrandini marches his armed militia through the city streets, Kate worries someone will get killed. Time to make him a target.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen – TV PITCH BIBLE INVESTIGATION

What I learned doing this assignment is you can always go deeper.

Investigate by picking situations and characters and asking:

Tool 1: Dig: What’s beneath that?

Beneath Lincoln’s melancholy is his broken heart over his son Willy’s death. – Use in episode.

Pinkerton is subdued in nature because he’s homesick for Scotland, where he had help fight for workers’ rights. A lost cause that got him sent away to America. – Use in episode.

Tool 2: Extrapolate: If __________, then ____________.

If the Chief of Police in Baltimore refuses to sent officers to protect Lincoln in the carriage, under the guise that it’s not necessary, then it could be assumed that Lincoln will probably be killed while in transit from one train station to the next. – Use in episode.

Tool 3: Wonder: What if ______________?

What if Kate develops feelings for Ferrandini, her target, her enemy? – Use in episode.

Tool 4: Backtrack: How could ______________ have happened?

How did Kate discover the plot? Kate discovers the assassination plot when she confronts Angelina’s boyfriend, Rhett of the Black Snakes, after he comes home drunk. – Use in episode

Tool 5: Forecast: How could this get even worse?

The situation would deteriorate if the KGC got wind of a change in Pinkerton’s plan.

The KGC could get alerted to something being up if they were to take over a telegraph office. They might intercept a message, but misinterpret it. – Use in episode

[George Petersen]

George Petersen – SHOW SUMMARY

What I learned doing this assignment is finding the essence isn’t so easy.

“In 1835, the would-be assassin of Andrew Jackson was declared insane. It was a fluke, not to be taken seriously. Assassination, that is. And so, as 1861 unfolds, no American President had ever been assassinated. Assassinations were a thing in Europe, but not here, in America. No president had protection of any kind. They all walked the streets of Washington alone, unescorted. And no American President ever resisted protection more fiercely than Abraham Lincoln. But Baltimore was in turmoil with Southern sympathizers agitating for rebellion. And Lincoln was scheduled to pass through the city — unprotected.”

— Alan Pinkerton

It was in this powder keg environment that detectives Kate Warne and Alan Pinkerton found themselves. The rumors spreading through Baltimore of an assassination plot… were they true? Imagine Pinkerton’s surprise when Kate tells him that his barber, the one he pumps information from as he gets his beard trimmed, is the ringleader. Is everything he knows misinformation? Now it so happens that this ringleader, Ferrandini the barber, is quite taken with Miss Dixie, an attractive young Southern socialite new to the city. He loves the way she dresses in a long, flowing dress covered with Confederate flags with an umbrella to match, and the way she facetiously pleads with him to bring her Lincoln’s heart after the assassination. As his fondness for her grows, a date is set for her induction into the Wives’ Club of the Knights of the Golden Circle, but, on her insistence, it will be the day after the assassination, thereby making for a double celebration. Of course, that day will never come because, as Kate, accomplished Union spy, she will be busy finding a way to get Lincoln through Baltimore in one piece. Of course, her greatest obstacle won’t be the gangs. It won’t be the KGC. It will be Lincoln himself.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen – EPISODE DESCRIPTIONS

What I learned doing this assignment is how truly challenging it is to summarize a season of episodes.

Episode 1

Hook/Intrigue: Kate applies for the detective job, marriage counselor, I’m a chameleon. A what? (Fish out of water) (loss of husband, undeserved suffering)

Main Character journey: Kate changes from failed actress to professional spy

Major Challenge/Conflict: Kate tells Pinkerton that Ferrandini is the leader of the plot. Imagine Pinkerton’s surprise when Kate tells him that his barber, the one he pumps information from as he gets his beard trimmed, is the ringleader. Is everything he knows misinformation?

Action/Reaction: Ferrandini wants to know what Pinkerton’s intentions are with Kate. Pinkerton plays the part of the spurned lover. Pinkerton: Promise me you’ll take good care of her. Ferrandini makes an investment with Pinkerton

Cliffhanger: Eight ballots are drawn, instead of one

Episode 1: THE RED BALLOT

Kate Warne — young, beautiful, and recently widowed — needs a job. Acting suited her. They called her a chameleon, as she could melt into her roles, undergo a metamorphosis of sorts. She loved acting and all that came with it, but now, with her husband gone, she needed to pay the bills, be self-sufficient, an independent woman. She was before her time. She answers an ad in the classifieds. Alan Pinkerton quickly informs her that he has no need for additional secretarial help, but she corrects him: she is applying for the detective job. At first, Pinkerton thinks she is a little nuts, as there has never been a woman detective before. But she convinces him that a woman can go places a man could never go, discover secrets that would never be revealed to a man. Despite the risks (if she were harmed at the tender age of twenty-eight, it could ruin his reputation) he hires her, and so begins the saga of the first woman detective.

Pinkerton puts Kate on the team of detectives going to Baltimore to investigate a rumor that Southern sympathizers are planning to burn the rail bridges around the city in order to prevent Yankee troops from passing through on their way to Washington. Imagine Pinkerton’s surprise when she tells him that Cypriano Ferrandini, his barber, the one he pumps information from as he gets his beard trimmed, is the ringleader of a plot to assassinate President Lincoln. Is everything Pinkerton knows misinformation?

Kate helps Pinkerton get initiated into the Knights of the Golden Circle (KGC,) a secret society devoted to the expansion of slavery, where he learns that its leader, Ferrandini, has organized a secret drawing: the Knight who draws the red ballot will be the one who will have the privilege of assassinating President Lincoln. His identity will never be revealed to anyone, even fellow Knights, and a sloop will be waiting to whisk him away once the deed is accomplished. But, in an apparent effort to ensure success, Pinkerton learns that Ferrandini has surreptitiously planted eight red ballots instead of one. The “winners” of the drawing: Mack of the Bloody Eights, Whit of the Plug Uglies, Clyde of the Blood Tubs, Jude of the Rip Raps, Gage of the American Rattlers, Rhett of the Black Snakes and Miles and Jack of the KGC.

*

Episode 2

Hook/Intrigue: A bomb on the tracks. Who did this and why?

Main Character journey: Pinkerton preps Kate for being a spy with Ferrandini as the target

Major Challenge/Conflict: Ferrandini counsels the gang members and the KGC on respect for the winner of the drawing. He alone will chose the method of execution. Gunshot or hanging or knifing or bombing of rail bridges.

Action/Reaction: A nervous Kate goes on a date with Ferrandini

Cliffhanger: Will her acting talents enable her to discover some details about the assassination plot? Or will she slip up and be hung naked on Pratt Street?

Episode 2: A CITY IN CHAOS

The Presidential Train taking Lincoln from Springfield to Washington pulls to a stop in the middle of nowhere. That odd thing spotted on the tracks by the engineer turns out to be a makeshift bomb, set to go off when the train passes overhead. Who would do this and why? And why does Lincoln shrug it off?

Pinkerton preps Kate for being a Union spy with the ferocious Confederate Captain Ferrandini as the target.

Ferrandini counsels the gang members and the KGC on respect for the winner of the drawing. He alone will chose the method of assassination: gunshot or hanging or knifing or the bombing of rail bridges.

A nervous Kate spends the afternoon with Ferrandini, testing her theories about the advantages of being a woman detective for the first time. Will her acting talents enable her to discover some details about the assassination plot? Or will she slip up and be hung naked on Pratt Street?

*

Episode 3

Hook/Intrigue: The gangs revolt against Ferrandini’s organization; they want it to be every man for himself.

Main Character journey: Kate takes on Ferrandini as a mark

Major Challenge/Conflict: Time is running out. Kate needs to get serious about getting Ferrandini to trust her

Action/Reaction: Will Kate be able to get Ferrandini to reveal the details of the plot?

Cliffhanger: If Lincoln doesn’t show up for his inaugural address, the South will be embolden. The Union could split right there.

Episode 3: THE GANGS OF BALTIMORE

At a clandestine meeting, rival gang members rebel against Ferrandini’s strong-arm tactics. They don’t want to be restricted. They all want to be part of Lincoln’s assassination. Ferrandini, a military man, pulls out all the stops to suppress mutiny. It’s not lost on Ferrandini that he as head of the rebellion in Baltimore must suppress the rebel gang leaders if the assassination plot is to succeed.

After spending a long evening alone with Ferrandini, Kate learns that he prefers the assassination to happen in a carriage transporting Lincoln from the northbound train station to the southbound train station. Here, the President will be most vulnerable as it has been arranged that no police force will be present at the moment of transfer. Kate finds herself conflicted: she finds herself both repelled and attracted to Ferrandini at the same time.

Kate and Pinkerton struggle to form a plan to convince the Presidential Party not to pass through Baltimore. But they know the plan will be rejected. If Lincoln doesn’t show up for his inaugural address, the South will be embolden. The Union could split right there.

*

Episode 4

Hook/Intrigue: At a meeting with the gangs, Ferrandini expands the assassination plot to include burning the bridges outside Baltimore to prevent Union troops from entering the city.

Main Character journey: Kate is in over her head and she knows it

Major Challenge/Conflict: Kate needs to go deeper and find out what Ferrandini knows about the assassination plot

Action/Reaction: As Ferrandini’s fondness for Kate grows, a date is set for her initiation into the wives club of the KGC, but, on her insistence, it will be the day after the assassination, thereby making for a double celebration

Cliffhanger:Kate tells Pinkerton she has told Ferrandini that she will join the Wives of the KGC. Pinkerton explodes, concerned for her safety

Episode 4: GOING DEEPER

At a meeting with the gangs, Ferrandini concedes to expanding the assassination plot to include burning the rail bridges outside Baltimore to prevent Union troops from entering the city, an expected Yankee response to the planned assassination.

With time running out, Kate searches in vain for credible evidence that will sway the Presidential Party and Lincoln himself. She knows what’s going to happen. The question is: how can she convince skeptical Presidential Aids of the reality that simmers in Baltimore: an uncontrollable, wild energy that pervades the city and pushes it inexorably toward the irrational.

As Ferrandini’s fondness for Kate grows, a date is set for her initiation into the Wives Club of the KGC, but, on her insistence, it will be the day after the assassination, thereby making for a double celebration

Kate tells Pinkerton she has told Ferrandini that she intends to join the Wives Club of the KGC. Pinkerton explodes, concerned for her safety. He points out the window at a straw dummy in a top hat burning in effigy down the street. One false move and she could end up like this.

*

Episode 5

Hook/Intrigue: Where’s Kate?! Kate doesn’t show up for the KGC wives’ club initiation

Main Character journey: Kate struggles with the idea of burning Ferrandini

Major Challenge/Conflict: Pinkerton informs Kate that the success of all their efforts comes down to whether or not she will be able to make contact with the Presidential Party in New York

Action/Reaction: Kate goes to New York City to see Judd, Lincoln’s trusted friend and advisor

Cliffhanger: Will Kate be successful in convincing Judd to warn Lincoln and get him to change plans for traveling through Baltimore? Or is the President doomed?

Episode 5: WHERE’S KATE?

When Kate doesn’t show up for the KGC wives’ club initiation, Ferrandini is alarmed and crushed. What’s happening? Something must be up. Ferrandini assembles his military team to go find out what’s going on.

Though Kate struggles with the idea of burning Ferrandini, Pinkerton has impressed upon her that the success of all their efforts comes down to whether or not she will be able to make contact with the Presidential Party in New York. She must go and forget Ferrandini.

Kate goes to New York City to see Judd, the member of the Presidential Party who is Lincoln’s most trusted friend and advisor. If she can convince him, he will convince Lincoln. Only problem is: she has no conclusive evidence.

Will Kate be successful in convincing Judd to warn Lincoln and get him to change plans for traveling through Baltimore? Or will she be viewed as a typical hysterical female. If so, the President is surely doomed?

*

Episode 6

Hook/Intrigue: Will Lincoln’s friend and bodyguard, Ward H. Lamon, sabotage all efforts to create an impenetrable veil of secrecy around the President?

Main Character journey: Kate finds her assertive side; she won’t back down

Major Challenge/Conflict: Will Pinkerton ever be able to convince Lincoln to change plans and get on the train?

Action/Reaction: Under a crushing deadline, Kate makes arrangements for the train trip through Baltimore

Cliffhanger: Leaving Harrisburg abruptly. Will Lincoln get through Baltimore in one piece?

Episode 6: LEAVING HARRISBURG

Will Lincoln’s friend and bodyguard, Ward H. Lamon, sabotage all efforts to create an impenetrable veil of secrecy around the President?

Going crazy in Philadelphia, Kate finds her assertive side; she won’t back down in putting together the details of the plan.

But back in Harrisburg, will Pinkerton ever be able to convince Lincoln to change plans and get on the train in time?

Under a crushing deadline, Kate completes the arrangements for the train trip through Baltimore.

Discovering corroborating evidence, Lincoln finally agrees to leaving Harrisburg abruptly. But will he escape Mary’s wrath when she wakes up to find him gone?

*

Episode 7

Hook/Intrigue: Explosives are tied to the wooden beams of a railroad bridge entering Baltimore

Main Character journey: Kate becomes a professional spy. She outsmarts the KGC. Her weapons are her wit and beauty.

Major Challenge/Conflict: Kate’s job is to keep Lincoln safe as he passes through rebel territory

Action/Reaction: Lincoln accepts Kate’s plan to disguise him as her “sick” brother.

Cliffhanger: As the horses pull the train car through the streets of Baltimore, will Lincoln make it through Baltimore alive?

Episode 7: UNDER COVER OF DARKNESS

Getting ready for the Presidential train, explosives are tied to the wooden beams of a rail bridge entering Baltimore.

Kate grows as a professional spy. She outsmarts the KGC on the train, using only her weapons of wit and beauty, never letting up on her job of keeping Lincoln safe as he passes through smoldering rebel territory.

Lincoln has finally accepted Kate’s plan to disguise him as her “sick” brother. As the horses pull the train car through the dark streets of Baltimore, will Lincoln make it through Baltimore alive?

*

Episode 8

Hook/Intrigue: Upon hearing the news of Lincoln’s safe arrival in Washington, Baltimore becomes a powder keg of raw emotion

Main Character journey: Kate goes back to Baltimore to find Ferrandini, only to discover that he is married with two children

Major Challenge/Conflict: Upon hearing the news that Union soldiers are due to pass through Baltimore on a train, the mob takes to the streets and erupts in violence

Action/Reaction: The mob sets out to burn the bridges that lead into Baltimore

Cliffhanger: Will the Baltimore mob invade Washington and destroy the Capital?

Episode 8: WILL THEY ATTACK THE CAPITAL?

Upon hearing the news of Lincoln’s safe arrival in Washington, Baltimore becomes a powder keg of raw emotion.

Feeling bad, Kate goes back to Baltimore to find Ferrandini and explain herself, only to discover that he is married with two children.

Upon hearing the news that Union soldiers are due to pass through Baltimore on a train, the mob takes to the streets and erupts in violence, then sets out to burn the bridges.

With Washington the most vulnerable it has ever been since war with the British, Mary asks Lincoln the obvious question: Will the Baltimore mob go crazy and invade Washington and — and destroy the Capital?

[George Petersen]

George Petersen – EPISODE LIST ROUGH DRAFT

What I learned doing this assignment is elevating the plot, that is, creating more motion in the plot, should definitely be done during the outline phase.

THE ART OF SECRECY

THE RED BALLOT

1 – Kate and Pinkerton discover who is behind the plot:

Kate’s acting ambition, her desire to be on the stage: You’re a chameleon. A what?
Pinkerton working as a Cooper trainer in the Underground Railroad (character searching for meaning) (identifies with the slaves for having lost their homeland as he has lost his beloved Scotland – undeserved suffering)
Lincoln alone at Willy’s grave, the heartbreak, he speaks to Willy about winning the Presidency and how much it would have meant to him before, but not now, not with the pain of leaving his grave, of losing the ability to be close to him. (Undeserved suffering)
Ferrandini busts up a Blood Tubs dunking of a political opponent in a slaughterhouse tub of pig’s blood. He emphasizes to them that they need to stop this foolishness, they need to commit to a cause, they need to join the KGC and make something of themselves. Clyde of the Blood Tubs ridicules Ferrandini. The Blood Tubs laugh at him. (Antagonist goal/transformation from seeking power to becoming all-powerful through recruitment)
Kate applies for the detective job, marriage counselor, I’m a chameleon. A what? (Fish out of water) (loss of husband, undeserved suffering)
Fenton hires Pinkerton (mystery)
Lincoln meets with his security detail. He adds Lamon. (Intrigue)
Ferrandini announces, at a top secret KGC meeting, that Lincoln will be coming through Baltimore and they’d better get ready (intrigue)
Kate meets with Pinkerton about plans for Mobtown (intrigue)
Kate and Pinkerton find themselves in torchlight parade, featuring a hanging effigy of Lincoln, banners, speeches, and songs and fireworks. Pinkerton meets Rhett of the Black Snakes. (intrigue)
Kate meets Ferrandini and Miles of the KGC (intrigue)
Pinkerton gets a haircut, pumps Ferrandini for information. Pinkerton meets Jack of the KGC (mystery)
Pinkerton tells Kate that Ferrandini knows a lot about the city and he should be a mark for information. They plan a set up. (intrigue)
Lincoln and Mary – she wants to appoint cabinet members (conflict)
Ferrandini “protects” Kate from Pinkerton’s unwanted moves. Jude of the Rip Raps offers to support Ferrandini, but he dismisses him. Now alone, Kate “confides”in Ferrandini — and he with her (intrigue)
The assassination of Lincoln in the carriage by being ripped apart as narrated by Ferrandini, which morphs into a dream that Kate awakes from, horrified (intrigue, mystery)
Kate tells Pinkerton that Ferrandini is the leader of the plot (intrigue)
Ferrandini meets with the heads of the gangs. He’s challenged by Rhett of the Black Snakes and Whit of the Plug Uglies. Ferrandini needs to make peace among the gangs if the plot is to work (intrigue) (conflict)
Ferrandini wants to know what Pinkerton’s intentions are with Kate. Pinkerton plays the part of the spurned lover. Pinkerton: Promise me you’ll take good care of her. Ferrandini makes an investment with Pinkerton (intrigue)
Pinkerton goes through the harrowing KGC initiation. Gage of the American Rattlers is his escort. (mystery)
Lincoln and Mary close down the house. Sad. (conflict)
Kate and Pinkerton have it out in a public display at the hotel. Ferrandini is impressed. (intrigue)
Pinkerton gives big cash payout to Ferrandini; Ferrandini invites Pinkerton to the Drawing (intrigue) (mystery)
Lincoln visits Willy’s grave for the last time. (Undeserved suffering)
Kate and Ferrandini go on a first date – two spies on a date, each trying to hide their spy status from the other (intrigue)
Lincoln – Leaving Springfield (inner and outer conflict)
Mack of the Bloody Eights (hand signals) escorts Pinkerton to the drawing.
Drawing the Red Ballot with Pinkerton present, intercut with Lincoln’s farewell address in Springfield.
The “winners” of the drawing: Rhett of the Black Snakes, Whit of the Plug Uglies, Clyde of the Blood Tubs, Jude of the Rip Raps, Gage of the American Rattlers, Mack of the Bloody Eights, Miles of the KGC and Jack of the KGC. (intrigue)

2 – Kate and Pinkerton discover when the plot will happen:

Bomb on the Tracks. Who did this? (Mystery)
Pinkerton discovers Miles of the KGC and his plans for his method of assassination.
Ferrandini counsels the gang members and the KGC on respect for the winner of the drawing. He alone will chose the method of execution. Gunshot or hanging or knifing or bombing (of train bridges).
Kate and Ferrandini’s second date
Pinkerton discovers Jack of the KGC as he envisions and plans his method of assassination.

3 – Kate and Pinkerton discover where the plot will happen:

Pinkerton discovers Clyde of the Blood Tubs as he envisions and plans his method of assassination.
The Presidential Train arrives in Buffalo
Kate discovers Jude of the Rip Raps as he envisions and plans his method of assassination.
Kate and Ferrandini’s third date

4 – Kate and Pinkerton put together the details of the plot and decide to take action:

Hattie brings information to Kate about Gage of the American Rattlers and his plans for his method of assassination.
Train arrives in New York – the Chief of Police starts investigating.
Ferrandini expands the assassination plot to include burning the bridges outside Baltimore to prevent Union troops from entering the city.
Kate and Ferrandini’s fourth date wherein he pressures her to attend a special KGC initiation for female KGC spies
Pinkerton discovers Mack of the Bloody Eights and his plans for his method of assassination.

5 – Kate goes to New York City to see Judd and warn the President:

Pinkerton discovers Rhett of the Black Snakes and his plans for his method of assassination.
Ferrandini: Where’s Kate? She doesn’t show up for the initiation.
Hattie brings information to Pinkerton about Whit of the Plug Uglies and his plans for his method of assassination.

6 – Change of Plans in Harrisburg as Kate prepares for the secret train ride through Baltimore:

Leaving Harrisburg abruptly
Two independent sources of information, corroborated, influence Lincoln to act
Kate makes arrangements for the train trip through Baltimore

7 – Kate brings Lincoln through Baltimore safely:

Train Ride through Baltimore
Kate makes arrangements for her sick brother
A drunken Rhett of the Black Snakes sings on the platform outside Lincoln’s window
Ferrandini and KGC members board the train for a routine inspection
Pinkerton monitors the tracks and bridges

8 – The goal of Lincoln’s Inaugural address fails and Baltimore explodes:

Pinkerton and Kate deal with Lamon and the Press. The results spill into Lincoln’s Inaugural Address (conflict)
Buchanan: “I thought I might be the last President of the United States.” Lincoln looks up at the military snipers on the rooftops
The inaugural address intercut with Baltimore exploding at the arrival of Union troops, a ferocious Ferrandini leading the riots as well as Pinkerton and Kate’s efforts at dealing with the Press, the published images of a “frightened“ Lincoln “sneaking” through Baltimore.
Mary: “Will the mobs attack the Capital?”

[George Petersen]

George Petersen – FIVE SEASONS

What I learned doing this assignment is how much writing goes into a project before you write it.

SEASON 1 – THE RED BALLOT

High Concept or major hook of the season: will Lincoln make it through Baltimore alive? How close did he come to not making it?

Big Picture Season Arc/Journey: from Springfield to Washington / Kate and Pinkerton grow from amateur detectives to professional “secret service” detectives

Main Conflict: As Kate and Pinkerton struggle to uncover the assassination plot, Ferrandini struggles to strengthen and execute it

Main Mystery/Open Loops:

Will the KGC get it together and kill Lincoln?

Will Ferrandini get the street gangs under control and ready to kill the President?

Will Kate get the information she needs from the ringleader, Ferrandini himself?

Will Pinkerton ever be able to get Lincoln to exercise some caution as he passes through Baltimore?

Will Lincoln’s friend and bodyguard, Ward H. Lamon, sabotage all efforts to create an impenetrable veil of secrecy around the President?

Cliffhanger: Are Mary’s fears hysterical? Will the angry mobs rioting in Baltimore march out of the city and invade vulnerable, unprotected Washington? Perhaps attack the capital itself? Or is Lincoln right to believe that such a thing — American citizens attacking the capital — will never happen?

“In 1835, the would-be assassin of Andrew Jackson was declared insane. It was a fluke, not to be taken seriously. Assassination, that is. And so, as 1861 unfolds, no American President had ever been assassinated. Assassinations were a thing in Europe, but not here, in America. No president had protection of any kind. They all walked the streets of Washington alone, unescorted. And no American President ever resisted protection more fiercely than Abraham Lincoln. But Baltimore was in turmoil with Southern sympathizers agitating for rebellion. And Lincoln was scheduled to pass through the city — unprotected.”

— Alan Pinkerton

It was in this powder keg environment that detectives Kate Warne and Alan Pinkerton found themselves. The rumors spreading through Baltimore of an assassination plot… were they true? Imagine Pinkerton’s surprise when Kate tells him that his barber, the one he pumps information from as he gets his beard trimmed, is the ringleader. Is everything he knows misinformation? Now it so happens that this ringleader, Ferrandini the barber, is quite taken with Miss Dixie, an attractive young Southern socialite new to the city. He loves the way she dresses in a long, flowing dress covered with Confederate flags with an umbrella to match, and the way she facetiously pleads with him to bring her Lincoln’s heart after the assassination. As his fondness for her grows, a date is set for their wedding, but, on her insistence, it will be the day after the assassination, thereby making for a double celebration. Of course, that day will never come because, as Kate, accomplished Union spy, she will be busy getting Lincoln through Baltimore in one piece.

*

SEASON 2 -THE WAR COMES

High Concept or major hook of the season: Will Kate survive being a Union spy deep behind the lines of the raging Confederacy?

Big Picture Season Arc/Journey: Kate uses her acting skills to grow from unseasoned detective to battle-scarred Union spy

Main Conflict: Confederate agents kill Kate’s partner and are on the lookout for her

Main Mystery/Open Loops:

Will Confederate agents find and kill Kate?

Can Kate get sensitive military information to Pinkerton in time before the next battle begins?

Will Pinkerton’s experience in the Underground Railroad help him go deeper behind Confederate lines?

Cliffhanger: If Lincoln loses the election, the Democrats will end the war with slavery still intact and all will be lost.

At first, being a spy didn’t seem all that different from being a detective, but when her partner is hunted down and hanged for all to see, Kate decides to go deeper into Confederate social circles and get the intelligence Pinkerton needs to present to generals on the battlefield. But speed brings risks and one untrue move and the Confederate agents will string her up too. Battlefield victories, after all, are essential for Lincoln to win; otherwise, the Democrats will end the war with slavery still intact and all will be lost.

*

SEASON 3 – END OF DREAMS

High Concept or major hook of the season: Kate returns to Baltimore. Her objective is to infiltrate the wives club of a secret society, the Knights of the Golden Circle, but she needs help, someone younger. She finds and recruits the captivating, Abrielle.

Big Picture Season Arc/Journey: Kate grows from spy to spymaster.

Main Conflict:

Kate’s assistant, Abrielle, falls for John Wilkes Booth, after seeing him perform on stage. Booth’s a heartthrob among the young ladies. Kate must use her past experience with Ferrandini to help Abrielle break free from what’s happening to her. Or use it to penetrate the KGC.

Main Mystery/Open Loops:

Will Kate succeed in teaching Abrielle how to deal with her romantic feelings?

Will Wilkes Booth convert Abrielle to the Southern cause?

What message does Lincoln bring to Pinkerton when they meet in the battlefield tent?

Cliffhanger: Lincoln wins reelection, but Pinkerton’s clashes with Lamon aren’t enough to stop the assassination of Lincoln. Pinkerton pushes for a better “secret service,” which could have made a difference. His ideas are rejected.

When Kate first meets the captivating, Abrielle, she wastes no time recruiting her to be a Union spy. Baltimore is a rebel hotbed and Kate knows she will need someone young and vulnerable to help form enduring relationships with the wives of KGC members. All goes well until Abrielle attends a stage performance of one of the visiting KGC members, an actor by the name of Wilkes Booth. Kate must use her past experience with Ferrandini to help Abrielle break free from what’s happening to her. Or use the relationship to penetrate the KGC. Lincoln and Pinkerton clash over security issues when they meet in the battlefield tent. Pinkerton and Lamon, just like they did years ago, clash again over Lincoln’s lack of a modern security service. A few weeks later, Wilkes Booth assassinates Lincoln. Pinkerton goes into a deep depression; Kate struggles to help Abrielle understand that being a spy is dangerous, but also heartbreaking.

*

SEASON 4 – A NEW BEGINNING

High Concept or major hook of the season: The first female detective division opens up in Chicago

Big Picture Season Arc/Journey: Kate grows from spy to division chief of a new female detective division of the Pinkerton Agency

Main Conflict: working a bank fraud case, Kate and Abrielle become intrigued with a story about a lost gold shipment of the KGC. Pinkerton opposes the investigation, wanting to let go of any memories of the war.

Main Mystery/Open Loops:

Shaken by the experience of providing security for the Lincoln’s funeral train as it travels back to Springfield, will Pinkerton revive the detective agency in Chicago — or let it go?

Will the female detective division be successful?

Will Abrielle adapt to detective work?

Cliffhanger: Will Kate and Abrielle discover the truth behind the story of the missing KGC shipment of gold?

Shaken by the experience of providing security for the Lincoln’s funeral train as it meanders through mourning crowds on its way back to Springfield, Pinkerton considers letting go of the detective agency in Chicago. It seems like a lifetime ago that he helped Lincoln get from Springfield to Washington in a spirit of hope; now he helps him make the trip back home to Springfield in a spirit of despair. Kate and Abrielle give him a burst of optimism by opening a dynamic female detective division. Working a bank fraud case, Kate and Abrielle become intrigued with a story about a lost gold shipment of the KGC. Pinkerton opposes the investigation, wanting to let go of any memories of the war. Will Kate and Abrielle discover the truth behind the story of the missing KGC shipment of gold?

*

SEASON 5 – HOME AT LAST

High Concept or major hook of the season: How Kate helps Pinkerton defend Lincoln post-assassination

Big Picture Season Arc/Journey: “Who Knew Lincoln the Best” becomes a money-making industry of books and speaking engagements, forcing Pinkerton to go public with his personal account of life with Lincoln

Main Conflict: Pinkerton’s reputation is attacked by his enemies

Main Mystery/Open Loops:

Kate helps Pinkerton write his book about what happened in Baltimore. Will it be successful?

Kate becomes ill. Will Abrielle be able to fill her shoes?

Kate takes one last case. Will she be able to complete it?

Will Kate and Abrielle finish their investigation of the missing KGC gold shipment?

Conclusion: Pinkerton buries Kate in the family plot. He completes his thoughts on her life and adventures: “And that’s how women became detectives in America.”

When people who knew Lincoln firsthand came to realize that there was money to be made in books and speaking engagements, Pinkerton’s reputation was viciously attacked, especially by Lanon. After all, Pinkerton alone knew the details of many crucial events in Lincoln’s life. Kate helps him write a book detailing what really happened. When Kate becomes ill, she decides to take one last case. Abrielle makes a shocking discovery about the missing KGC gold shipment. After Kate dies, Pinkerton decides to have her buried in the family plot — the daughter he never had. He concludes his commentary: “And that’s how women became detectives in America.”

[George Petersen]

George Petersen- Character Descriptions

What I learned from doing this assignment is that characters are people too.

KATE WARNE

Who is the character? First female detective, Pinkerton’s assistant

Role in the show? Protagonist, novice who ultimately runs the spy operation

Noteworthy traits: Charm, people naturally trust her

Intriguing history: recently widowed

Intrigue? Secret Identity: Miss Dixie, firecracker Southern Belle socialite is a shy Union spy

Mystery? Out to discover the details of the assassination plot before Pinkerton knows about it

How do they support or drive the conflict with others? She tricks Ferrandini into thinking she loves him and wants to marry him

Irony — Opposites or paradoxes that exist with the character: tricking people into entrapping themselves, thereby using their own words as evidence to get them imprisoned

Opposing agendas/etc. that naturally causes conflict with other characters: Out to discover the details of the assassination plot before Pinkerton knows about it

Unpredictable? She gets an idea and runs with it, instead of running it by her boss first

Intriguing relationship with one or more characters: She tricks Ferrandini into thinking she loves him and wants to marry him

Young, beautiful, all of twenty-four, I think, she didn’t deserve what happened to her. Who expects to lose a husband at that age? Now a widow of limited means, you’d expect her to take her place in a little corner of life. That’s what Pinkerton thought: cheap clerical help. But she wasn’t answering the ad for clerical help — she was answering the ad for a detective. Female detective? Really? Kate’s point was that women could go places men couldn’t go. They could “worm” their way into relationships, become confidants of the wives of criminals, find out where the money was buried before men could. And so, the first female detective was born. As well as a race with Pinkerton to be the first to discover the details of the plot to assassinate the President as he passes through Baltimore. Imagine Pinkerton’s surprise when she tells him that the man who is the ringleader of the plot is the man cutting his hair: his barber and drinking buddy, Cyprio. And just as he’s getting over that, she tells him that she’s engaged to be married to Cyprio. How could she do that? Doesn’t she realize how dangerous he is? Better walk that wire carefully, Miss Dixie, firecracker Southern Belle socialite.

*

CYPRIO FERRANDINI

Who is the character? The gentleman’s barber of Baltimore

Role in the show? Antagonist, chief organizer of the plot to assassinate the President

Noteworthy traits: handsome, suave, but lonely

Intriguing history: fought with the fascists in Italy

Intrigue? he pretends to be a pleasant barber, then gets you to surrender your secrets

Mystery? Who will he select to assassinate the President?

How do they support or drive the conflict with others? He’s out to make certain, one way or another, that the President doesn’t make it through Baltimore alive

Irony — Opposites or paradoxes that exist with the character: Angry, violent – but gentle in bed

Opposing agendas/etc. that naturally causes conflict with other characters: He competes against the disorganized, violent gangs of Baltimore for dominance over the plot to assassinate the President

Unpredictable? uncontrolled anger, acts without thinking, without considering the consequences of his actions

Intriguing relationship with one or more characters: he wants to marry Miss Dixie / he needs to be a hero to the Confederacy

Is this man handsome, or what? He’s got those long black curly locks, pushed back behind his ears with that new oil they use. And the black mustache, against that pale white complexion. You’d think he’s a man of the theater. He’s got that little shop in the best hotel, the center of social life in Baltimore. And as the city’s gentleman’s barber, he’s privy to the city’s dark secrets, talk as men do as their hair is being trimmed. There is nothing stopping him from becoming the hero to the Confederacy that he so desperately wants to be, if it weren’t for the buffoons in the KGC and the trigger-happy leaders of the street gangs. How could people be so stupid? We’re supposed to do this secretly, you know. If people don’t start listening to him a lot of people are going to be arrested. Even hung. People better start organizing and listening to him. It takes a military man to get things done. Someone not afraid to do what’s necessary. He’s the best barber in town, but if he finds out you’re a Yankee spy, he won’t hesitate to cut your throat.

*

ALAN PINKERTON

Who is the character? Owner/Operator of the Pinkerton National Detective Agency, the first detective agency in the United States

Role in the show? Triangle character, Formal head of the spy operation in Baltimore

Noteworthy traits: devoted to the art of secrecy

Intriguing history: trained escaped slaves in the skills of being a Cooper, as part of the Underground Railroad

Intrigue? He works with his detective team to uncover the secrets in Baltimore

Mystery? He wants to discover who is running the assassination plot, unaware that the leader of the plot is cutting his hair

How do they support or drive the conflict with others? He uses disguise and free alcohol and money to trick people into revealing their innermost secrets

Irony — Opposites or paradoxes that exist with the character: A friendly businessman who is a spy

Opposing agendas/etc. that naturally causes conflict with other characters: he disguises himself as a jovial wealthy businessman who buys drinks and spreads his money around freely with the intention of getting people to talk

Unpredictable? Always jumping in and out of character / what will he do next?

Intriguing relationship with one or more characters: He milks his barber for information on Baltimore, unaware that his barber, Ferrandini, heads the assassination plot

The art of secrecy. That’s what makes him tick. Secrecy isn’t just a tool, it’s an art. To be an effective detective means being on top of a lot of things: like an actor on stage, a costume designer, a makeup artist, a linguist. And then there is the art of the operation itself: who walks in, when, and who walks out, where. Entrances and exits. Don’t blow your lines. Live the part. And live it he does. Franklin, the exclusive stockbroker, in on the best deals, happy to buy drinks all round, happy to pay out big dividends to Southern gentlemen who trust him, a stalwart of the Confederacy. This penny-pincher could never spend that kind of money in real life. He’s a living contradiction: never more himself when he’s busy being someone else.

*

ABRAHAM LINCOLN

Who is the character? President of the United States

Role in the show? The mark, a target character

Noteworthy traits: likable, generous, trustworthy, humorous — always joking, extremely intelligent, always thinking, nothing gets past him, he doesn’t talk a lot, but his eyes are always scanning for information — like a shark

Intriguing history: the first politician to have his speeches published in the newspapers / the first to be photographed

Intrigue? Is the plot to assassinate him real — or just rumor? After all, no American president has ever been assassinated. Calm down why don’t you?

Mystery? Will he be the first president to be assassinated?

How do they support or drive the conflict with others? His basic goodness and belief in fair play when it comes to the issue of slavery drives and inflames those who want to assassinate him

Irony — Opposites or paradoxes that exist with the character: the melancholic man when alone is the storyteller who gets everyone laughing when in public

Opposing agendas/etc. that naturally causes conflict with other characters: his resistance to security measures, which puts him in direct conflict with Pinkerton

Unpredictable? always considering the alternatives, always changing his mind, saying one thing, doing another

Intriguing relationship with one or more characters: The father of three sons, Kate becomes the daughter he never had

For those who don’t know him, Abraham Lincoln is an American president who is revered as a nice guy, the president who liberated the slaves. But for us, he is the most savvy of politicians, a man you don’t want to cross, for fear you might end up in a ditch — politically speaking, that is. Most people know him as the grand storyteller, the man who gets people laughing, but we know him as a deeply melancholic man, a man who seems to take on other people’s suffering as his own. He’s extremely intelligent, always thinking, nothing gets past him; he doesn’t talk a lot, but his eyes are always scanning for information — like a shark. He’s not a military man, a man of guns and things like that, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t know how to handle a weapon. His weapon, you see, are words. First comes that stare, that piercing stare, and then the words, the words that can cut and slice you to pieces. Remember, whatever you do, don’t cross him politically. Don’t let his nice guy manners and his infectious laugh get to you. I’m not here to prevent you from doing what you want, but don’t say I didn’t warn you if you find yourself waking up in a ditch.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen- Intriguing Concept and World

What I learned from this assignment is the importance of the world of the story

Present your concept and world.

Present your Concept.

THE RED BALLOT

Kate Warne — the first female detective — young, inexperienced, idealistic and recently widowed…

…tasked with delivering President-Elect Lincoln safely to his inauguration…

…discovers her gritty nature as she struggles to create an impenetrable veil of secrecy around the President…

…while a secret society and bloodthirsty street gangs compete to assassinate him as he passes through Baltimore.

Tell us the World of this show.

Intriguing World

A. The treacherous, traitorous underworld that gives birth to the Confederacy…

B. …seen through the eyes of Union spies

C. …who risk being strung up by a bloodthirsty, rebel mob in order to save the President

Unique Sub-World: The world of violent street gangs and Secret Societies of 1860 Baltimore

Previously unexplored: The existence of political violence in an earlier time

The unknown: Violent mobs are totally unpredictable

The unseen: Political passions are subterranean and smoldering

Unheard of Dangers: High tensions and political uncertainty can lead to violent death

Reason to explore it: Hoping for a better understanding of political violence

[George Petersen]

George Petersen HAS COMPLETED THE BW FRAMEWORK!

What I learned doing this process is the importance of working on the elements of story individually. I think it would have been too much to try to assemble a framework all at once.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen HIGH SPEED WRITING RULES

My Vision is to direct one of my screenplays as a low-budget indie feature

What I learned from doing this assignment is

For me, it comes down to restricting myself from proof reading. If I can focus on getting it done knowing that I won’t be reviewing it, that helps. A certain freedom from criticism. I won’t be judging myself. So it’s OK to be fast.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen FIRST SCENE

My Vision is to direct one of my screenplays as a low-budget indie feature

What I learned doing this assignment is that by creating the interest techniques of a scene first, when it comes to the writing, the hard part is already done.

I found this method so much easier than writing from a blank page.

It really helps having the interest techniques all lined up and ready to go, thereby creating the engine for the scene before the scene is even written.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen CREATING IRONY!

What I learned doing this assignment is creating irony can be fun

Ferrandini the bloodthirsty Assassin who dreams of being the one to tear the President’s beating heart out of his chest is also a gentle, tender lover in bed

Ferrandini the caring barber will just as soon cut your throat if he finds out you’re a Yank

Franklin the spy posing as a Ruthless, Cutthroat Businessman is also Pinkerton the devoted family man who is the father of two sons

Miss Dixie the spy posing as a firecracker socialite is also Kate, a shy widow who pines for her lost husband

The lucky one to draw the red ballot will be the one to kill the President, unaware that seven others are just as lucky, having also drawn red ballots

Kate agrees to a wedding date the day after the assassination, knowing full well that she will be in Washington with the President at that time

[George Petersen]

George Petersen FASCINATING SCENE OUTLINES!

What I learned from this assignment is this: the more you put into a scene before you write it, the easier it is to write it.

THE SUMMER OF HAIGHT

ACT 1

1 INT. JONATHAN’S MANSION – DAY

Scene Arc: From happy to be together to Jonathan threatening to end their friendship if Longfellow doesn’t draw up the new will

Essence: Jonathan inexplicably commands Longfellow to draw up a new will leaving all his wealth to a good-for-nothing hippie no one has ever heard of

Conflict: Longfellow, under pressure, makes a solemn promise not to investigate the hippie, Youngblood, in any way

Subtext: From Jonathan: Don’t you dare ask me about anything. From Longfellow: Not sure if I can honor an agreement that is so stupid

Hope/fear: Jonathan hopes for a new will that will secure his future / Longfellow fears the end of their friendship

Beginning: (mystery) Why Jonathan would leave his estate to a hippie is a mystery

Middle: (uncomfortable moment) When Jonathan demands that Longfellow promise not to interfere with the hippie as the sole beneficiary of his will, it’s an uncomfortable moment

Ending: (betrayal) By not confiding in Longfellow, Longfellow feels betrayed / (Internal Dilemma) To keep his promise or to break it in order to help save Jonathan from whatever it is that’s causing him to do something so stupid, is an internal dilemma for Longfellow

2 EXT. HAIGHT-ASHBURY – NIGHT

Scene Arc: From Longfellow not understanding what kind of person Youngblood is to having a pretty good idea what makes him tick

Essence: Longfellow breaks his promise to Jonathan and follows Youngblood into the Haight, photographs him going wild and crazy.

Conflict: Longfellow is tormented with guilt for breaking his promise but thrilled to find out what Youngblood is really like – a hippie who feels liberated to indulge himself in insatiable self-gratification on an insane level, without limits

Subtext: Longfellow’s hatred of Youngblood grows and grows

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes for an unmasking of sorts but fears Youngblood’s nature. He also fears that he may be followed himself.

Beginning: (suspense) Longfellow is in suspense for what he may discover following Youngblood

Middle: (surprise) Longfellow is shocked and surprised by what he sees (superior position) the audience knows Youngblood is being followed; he doesn’t (superior position) the audience knows Youngblood is being followed; he doesn’t

Ending: (intrigue) It’s driving Longfellow crazy to know what Youngblood’s secret plan is

3 EXT. JONATHAN’S MANSION – DAY

Scene Arc: Longfellow goes from deep concern to flat out fear about the deeper nature of Youngblood

Essence: Longfellow confronts Youngblood, threatens him with legal action if he harms Jonathan in any way

Conflict: Longfellow blocks Youngblood’s path to the cellar door. Youngblood presents his personal key to the back door of Jonathan’s mansion. He has a right to be here. Back off.

Subtext: Longfellow has no idea that Youngblood is an expression Jonathan’s dark side

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes Jonathan will come to his senses when he gives his report / He fears Youngblood as a person

Beginning: (surprise) Youngblood is surprised by Longfellow’s presence

Middle: (uncomfortable moment) Longfellow threatens Youngblood with legal action should he harm Jonathan

Ending: (major twist) Youngblood presents his own key to the mansion; it is Longfellow who is out of line

4 INT. HAIGHT-ASHBURY POLICE STATION – DAY

Scene Arc: From polite request to why don’t you leave

Essence: The police officers put Longfellow in his place when he asks for Maggie

Conflict: Longfellow asks for Maggie and is put down by the police officers

Subtext: The police officers make no effort to hide their disdain for Longfellow, given how he treated Maggie

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes to find Maggie some day / He fears being judged so harshly. Beginning: (surprise) The police officers are surprised to see Longfellow step into the station

Middle: (uncomfortable moment) Longfellow has to practically beg for information on Maggie

Ending: (betrayal) The police officers feel Longfellow betrayed Maggie

5 INT. JONATHAN’S MANSION – DAY

Scene Arc: From a polite report to raging anger

Essence: Longfellow has discovered what kind of person Youngblood really is and is excited to no end to communicate all to Jonathan

Conflict: Jonathan feels betrayed when Longfellow presents his black and white photos of Youngblood going crazy in the Haight. He rages at Longfellow, which is shocking since he has never raised his voice before. Jonathan demands that Longfellow give Youngblood the respect that he deserves. Longfellow is shaken and presents the new will for Jonathan to sign. Jonathan signs, then breaks off their friendship, just chops it off like it was nothing.

Subtext: Longfellow is taken back by Jonathan’s raging anger. Where does it come from?

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes that Jonathan will come to his senses someday / Longfellow goes into a deep depression, fearing he has lost Jonathan like he lost Maggie.

Beginning: (surprise) Jonathan is surprised with being presented photos of Youngblood

Middle: (betrayal) Jonathan feels betrayed by Longfellow: he broke his promise

Ending: (character changes radically) Soft spoken Jonathan explodes at Longfellow, enraged.

6 INT. TOMMY’S JOYNT – DAY

Scene Arc: From a polite encounter to one of deep subtext pain

Essence: Longfellow asks Maggie, a police detective, for help with the problem of Youngblood

Conflict: Longfellow has to beg for help. Maggie is reluctant, given what happened in their breakup

Subtext: seeing Maggie again opens an old wound

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes Maggie can help solve the mystery of Youngblood / He fears that he has lost her forever.

Beginning: (betrayal) Maggie feels betrayed by Longfellow, a bad break up

Middle: (internal dilemma) Maggie is torn between letting Longfellow go and helping him

Ending: (mystery) Longfellow presents the mystery surrounding Youngblood to her

7 EXT. JONATHAN’S MANSION – DAY

Scene Arc: From looking forward to seeing Jonathan to being distraught at the news of his disappearance

Essence: Longfellow learns that Jonathan has disappeared without a trace

Conflict: Longfellow passes by Youngblood as he leaves by the front door. Their eyes are like daggers. Why the front door? Doesn’t he always leave by the back door?

Subtext: Polite encounters mask a growing hatred for each other

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes that Jonathan will be found / He fears that Youngblood has killed him. He must have found out that he is the sole beneficiary.

Beginning: (intrigue) Longfellow is intrigued with seeing Youngblood leave the mansion by the front door

Middle: (uncomfortable moment) Youngblood flashes Longfellow a face of hatred

Ending: (uncertainty) Longfellow is uncertain where all this is headed

ACT 2

8 INT. JONATHAN’S MANSION – DAY

Scene Arc: From edgy polite to yelling.

Essence: Youngblood is moving in

Conflict: Youngblood shows up at the mansion with a suitcase. Starts barking orders to Alfred and the staff.

Subtext: Youngblood the hippie feels entitled to the mansion

Hope/fear: Alfred and the staff hope Youngblood will leave on his own / They fear he’s here to stay

Beginning: (surprise) Alfred and the staff are surprised with Youngblood showing up

Middle: (Intrigue) What is Youngblood planning?

Ending: (uncertainty) What should we do? Alfred should ask Longfellow for help

9 INT. LONGFELLOW’S APARTMENT – DAY

Scene Arc: From pleading to desperate

Essence: Longfellow must act, do something, anything, legal or not, to get Youngblood out of the mansion

Conflict: Alfred comes to see Longfellow, pleads for his intervention. Longfellow hesitates. He fears Youngblood, thinks he’s flat out dangerous.

Subtext: a sense of foreboding

Hope/fear: Alfred hopes Longfellow will help / He fears being in the same house as Youngblood

Beginning: (surprise) Alfred surprises Longfellow by showing up

Middle: (intrigue) It’s hard to figure out what Youngblood is planning

Ending: (internal dilemma) Longfellow must decide: back off or do something, anything

10 INT. JONATHAN’S MANSION – DAY

Scene Arc: From polite to shoving to fighting. Maggie has to break them up.

Essence: Longfellow acts, attempts to evict Youngblood

Conflict: Longfellow shows up at the mansion with Maggie and a letter of eviction. But Youngblood gets out of it by claiming that he’s been paying rent for the last six months and he has another six months remaining on the lease. He presents the lease, signed by Jonathan.

Subtext: Don’t mess with me

Hope/fear: Youngblood reminds Longfellow of the 100 day disappearance clause in the will. He hopes Longfellow will give up the fight. / Longfellow fears Youngblood will never leave.

Beginning: (uncomfortable moment) Longfellow tries to evict Youngblood

Middle: (mislead/reveal) Youngblood presents the signed lease. It’s a fake.

Ending: (character changes radically) Youngblood explodes in a rage

11 INT. POLICE STATION – DAY

Scene Arc: From calm to desperate as Longfellow realizes time is running out. There must be something we can do?

Essence: Longfellow learns that there are no leads on Jonathan’s disappearance.

Conflict: Longfellow demands that more be done to find Jonathan. Maggie insists that nothing more can be done since there are no leads.

Subtext: desperation

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes Jonathan can be found / He fears Youngblood has killed him

Beginning: (surprise) Longfellow is surprised there are no leads on Jonathan’s disappearance

Middle: (uncomfortable moment) tension between Longfellow and Maggie

Ending: (uncertainty) It’s hard, not knowing if Jonathan is alive or not

12 INT. ARBITRATION ROOM – DAY

Scene Arc: From hopeful to outright disaster

Essence: Longfellow disputes the will in arbitration, but is told that it is his friendship with Jonathan that makes the will indisputable. Youngblood wins.

Conflict: Longfellow wants to cut Youngblood out of the estate. Youngblood wants to humiliate Longfellow

Subtext: hatred, vengeance

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes to cut Youngblood out of the will through arbitration / He fears there is no stopping Youngblood if he loses. Beginning: (uncomfortable moment) Longfellow tries to shut down the will

Middle: (betrayal) Longfellow feels betrayed by Jonathan for not telling him about the lease

Ending: (major twist) Longfellow’s friendship with Jonathan seals the will

13 INT. JONATHAN’S APARTMENT – DAY

Scene Arc: From bad to worse

Essence: Maggie confirms no results on the investigation of Jonathan’s disappearance

Conflict: Longfellow questions Maggie’s efforts. Maggie demands that Longfellow accept reality

Subtext: anger, dismay

Hope/fear: Longfellow’s last hope is crushed / He fears there is no stopping Youngblood.

Beginning: (mystery) The mystery of Jonathan’s disappearance goes on

Middle: (uncomfortable moment) Maggie and Longfellow face off under pressure

Ending: (uncertainty) What’s going to happen?

14 EXT. HAIGHT-ASHBURY – DAY

Scene Arc: determination to helplessness

Essence: Longfellow follows Youngblood and is attacked

Conflict: Longfellow follows Youngblood, but suspects he’s being followed too. Longfellow is seriously wounded. A hippie photographer, Hubie, saves him.

Subtext: Who are you? Are you an angel?

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes to get the goods on Youngblood / He fears he almost lost his life in his pursuit.

Beginning: (suspense) will Youngblood be entrapped?

Middle: (major twist) the hunters become the hunted

Ending: (cliffhanger) Will Longfellow be OK?

15 INT. JONATHAN’S MANSION – DAY

Scene Arc: From polite to edgy bitterness; Youngblood goes from beneficiary to owner

Essence: Youngblood inherits Jonathan’s wealth lock, stock and barrel

Conflict: Longfellow takes the new deed and bank papers to Youngblood for his signature. Longfellow is a broken man. It strikes him as odd that Youngblood should know so many details of the will. How can that be?

Subtext: Hatred, bitterness

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes for a miracle / He fears none is to come. Beginning: (surprise) Youngblood is surprised to see Longfellow at the mansion

Middle: (uncomfortable moment) Longfellow brings the deed to Youngblood

Ending: (character changes radically) Longfellow sinks to the lower depths

16 EXT. JONATHAN’S MANSION – NIGHT

Scene Arc: Relating the facts to despair

Essence: Alfred communicates to Longfellow the intolerable behavior of Youngblood

Conflict: Longfellow is dismayed to learn that Youngblood holds all-night wild parties with vagrant hippies in the mansion.

Subtext: seething hatred

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes to solve the mystery of Youngblood / He fears that his friend is gone, that Youngblood has killed him.

Beginning: (betrayal) Somehow Jonathan has betrayed him

Middle: (uncomfortable moment) Longfellow burns to see Youngblood hold wild parties in the mansion

Ending: (surprise) Youngblood is surprised to see Longfellow watching him through the window. He closes the curtains

ACT 3

17 INT. LONGFELLOW’S APARTMENT – DAY

Scene Arc: From detached to hysterical

Essence: Alfred communicates to Longfellow that Youngblood is getting out of control. The staff lives in fear.

Conflict: What can we do?

Subtext: fear of what’s coming

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes for a way to contain Youngblood / He fears it may be too late

Beginning: (mystery) Why is Youngblood staying at the mansion?

Middle: (external dilemma) Longfellow: to let it slide or take action

Ending: (uncertainty) What’s going to happen?

18 INT. THE DROGSTORE – DAY

Scene Arc: From cooperative to resistant

Essence: All Cowboy knows is that “the sparkly” comes from a remote mine not too far from Virginia City, Nevada.

Conflict: Jonathan needed the sparkly for his experiments, but why would Youngblood need it too?

Subtext: suspicious

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes Cowboy will explain more / He fears he may not get to the bottom of it.

Beginning: (suspense) What will happen when they meet up with the drug dealer?

Middle: (surprise) Longfellow and Alfred are caught with a drug dealer’

Ending: (major twist) Longfellow is caught asking for drugs

19 INT. POLICE STATION – DAY

Scene Arc: From pleading to contentious

Essence: the decision that sends Longfellow to jail

Conflict: Longfellow wants Alfred released. This is all my fault anyway.

Subtext: there’s more to this story that I’m not telling you

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes Alfred will be released / He fears for what’s behind the drugs.

Beginning: (uncertainty) Will Longfellow be locked up?

Middle: (internal dilemma) given a choice, Longfellow chooses to be locked up, if Alfred can go free

Ending: (character changes radically) Longfellow is becoming more active

20 INT. JAIL CELL – DAY

Scene Arc: From on guard to cooperative

Essence: Longfellow and Hubie become a team.

Conflict: At first, Longfellow won’t share with Hubie what he knows.

Subtext: stay away from me

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes the plan will work / He fears for what happens if it fails.

Beginning: (surprise) Longfellow meets Hubie again

Middle: (mystery) Longfellow presses for Hubie to reveal who he is

Ending: (intrigue) Hubie supports Longfellow’s plan

21 INT. HUBIE’S DARK ROOM – DAY

Scene Arc: From careful consideration to alarm

Essence: When Hubie shows Longfellow photos of the sparkly drugs/metamorphosis explosion, L immediately remembers seeing that trace on the dead body in the street.

Conflict: Hubie’s evidence suggests Youngblood is a serial killer

Subtext: We’re in deep here

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes for a solution to the mystery / He fears he’s in over his head.

Beginning: (surprise) Longfellow didn’t know about the sparkly psychedelic debris

Middle: (betrayal) Hubie betrays Youngblood’s secrets

Ending: (intrigue) Longfellow is excited to learn more about Youngblood’s plan

22 INT. POLICE STATION – DAY

Scene Arc: From polite to intense

Essence: Longfellow, Hubie and Maggie put together a plan to catch the hippie red-handed and expose him as the unknown serial killer.

Conflict: different views on how to execute the plan

Subtext: the wrong move may get us all killed

Hope/fear: The team hopes to trap Youngblood / The fear getting killed.

Beginning: (intrigue) What is Youngblood’s game plan and how can we subvert it?

Middle: (uncertainty) Sounds good, but what if we’re wrong?

Ending: (betrayal) Longfellow shares the plan with the wrong person

23 EXT. YOUNGBLOOD’S FLOP HOUSE – DAY

Scene Arc: From tense waiting to confusion to death

Essence: Longfellow and Hubie’s plan fails

Conflict: Youngblood kills Hubie

Subtext: things are falling apart

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes to capture Youngblood red handed / He fears there is nothing stopping Youngblood now.

Beginning: (suspense) will Youngblood show up?

Middle: (betrayal) Youngblood feels betrayed

Ending: (major twist) Youngblood prevails

24 INT. LONGFELLOW’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Scene Arc: Longfellow didn’t think he could sink lower, but here he is.

Essence: Longfellow as a defeated man

Conflict: Longfellow’s dark night of the soul – a man confused and in conflict with himself. Longfellow takes comfort in the bottle, smashes a cherished framed picture of Jonathan and himself in better times, a symbol of their unbreakable friendship. All is lost.

Subtext: despair

Hope/fear: Lost hope / fear at what a victorious and vengeful Youngblood will do.

Beginning: (character changes radically) Longfellow sinks lower

Middle: (uncomfortable moment) Longfellow faces his own failure

Ending: (uncertainty) What will happen to Longfellow?

ACT 4

25 INT. LONGFELLOW’S APARTMENT – DAY

Scene Arc: From boredom to excitement

Essence: Maggie brings the last trace sample of the sparkly debris to Longfellow

Conflict: We know that Youngblood is the killer, now how do we prove it?

Subtext: anticipation

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes they are on to something / He fears that they won’t be able to prove their suspicions.

Beginning: (major twist) Maggie turns up with the last trace of the drug Jonathan had ordered

Middle: (mystery) Longfellow learns about what makes the drug so mysterious

Ending: (intrigue) How does this drug fit into Youngblood’s plan?

26 INT. JONATHAN’S MANSION – DAY

Scene Arc: From a careful search to a rush to finish

Essence: Maggie and Longfellow search the mansion for the sparkly debris

Conflict: To conclude the search before Youngblood returns

Subtext: we’re getting closer

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes to find evidence / He fears he will not.

Beginning: (surprise) Alfred is surprised to see the search happen

Middle: (mystery) What did Jonathan do with the drug?

Ending: (uncertainty) What now? Thanks

27 INT. POLICE STATION – DAY

Scene Arc: From resistance to everyone getting on board.

Essence: Longfellow and Maggie organize the entire police department in an undercover plan at the Be-In.

Conflict: the risk of being killed

Subtext: this better work

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes that this time the plan will work / He fears that Youngblood won’t show up at the Be-In.

Beginning: (suspense) will this plan get us all killed?

Middle: (mystery) the mystery surrounding Youngblood must be unmasked

Ending: (uncertainty) What will happen to us?

28 EXT. GOLDEN GATE PARK – DAY

Scene Arc: From methodical searching to a chase

Essence: Youngblood is caught in the act of murder

Conflict: attempted murder

Subtext: horror

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes to catch Youngblood in the act / He fears he won’t find him.

Beginning: (suspense) Where is Youngblood?

Middle: (surprise) Longfellow catches Youngblood in the act

Ending: (uncomfortable moment) Longfellow pursues Youngblood

29 EXT. CITY STREETS – DAY

Scene Arc: From one side of the city to the other

Essence: Longfellow pursues Youngblood across the city

Conflict: the chase

Subtext: I’m going to be so happy when you’re gone

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes to entrap Youngblood / He fears he will get away.

Beginning: (surprise) Youngblood finds himself pursued by the entire police force

Middle: (character changes radically) Youngblood moves like a fast animal. Escapes.

Ending: (uncertainty) Where did he go?

30 INT. CELLAR APARTMENT – DAY

Scene Arc: From an attack to quiet

Essence: Longfellow kills Youngblood/Jonathan

Conflict: a brutal attack

Subtext: how peaceful it is now that you’re gone

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes to rescue Jonathan / He fears Jonathan may be dead — which he is.

Beginning: (suspense) Where’s Youngblood?

Middle: (cliffhanger) A shot. Youngblood falls out of the darkness

Ending: (major twist) in killing Jonathan, Longfellow has killed his best friend

[George Petersen]

George Petersen SCENE REQUIREMENTS

My Vision is to direct one of my screenplays as a low-budget indie feature

What I learned from this assignment is how some scenes fall away when confronted with essence

THE SUMMER OF HAIGHT

ACT 1

INT. JONATHAN’S MANSION – DAY

Scene Arc: From happy to be together to Jonathan threatening to end their friendship if Longfellow doesn’t draw up the new will

Essence: Jonathan inexplicably commands Longfellow to draw up a new will leaving all his wealth to a good-for-nothing hippie no one has ever heard of

Conflict: Longfellow, under pressure, makes a solemn promise not to investigate the hippie, Youngblood, in any way

Subtext: From Jonathan: Don’t you dare ask me about anything. From Longfellow: Not sure if I can honor an agreement that is so stupid

Hope/fear: Jonathan hopes for a new will that will secure his future / Longfellow fears the end of their friendship

EXT. HAIGHT-ASHBURY – NIGHT

Scene Arc: From Longfellow not understanding what kind of person Youngblood is to having a pretty good idea what makes him tick

Essence: Longfellow breaks his promise to Jonathan and follows Youngblood into the Haight, photographs him going wild and crazy.

Conflict: Longfellow is tormented with guilt but thrilled to find out what Youngblood is really like – a hippie who feels liberated to indulge himself in insatiable self-gratification on an insane level, without limits

Subtext: Longfellow’s hatred of Youngblood grows and grows

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes for an unmasking of sorts but fears Youngblood’s nature. He also fears that he may be followed himself.

EXT. JONATHAN’S MANSION – DAY

Scene Arc: Longfellow goes from deep concern to flat out fear about the deeper nature of Youngblood

Essence: Longfellow confronts Youngblood, threatens him with legal action if he harms Jonathan in any way

Conflict: Longfellow blocks Youngblood’s path to the cellar door. Youngblood presents his personal key to the back door of Jonathan’s mansion. He has a right to be here. Back off.

Subtext: Longfellow has no idea that Youngblood is an expression Jonathan’s dark side

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes Jonathan will come to his senses when he gives his report / He fears Youngblood as a person

INT. HAIGHT-ASHBURY POLICE STATION – DAY

Scene Arc: From polite request to why don’t you leave

Essence: The police officers put Longfellow in his place when he asks for Maggie

Conflict: Longfellow asks for Maggie and is put down by the police officers

Subtext: The police officers make no effort to hide their disdain for Longfellow, given how he treated Maggie

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes to find Maggie some day / He fears being judged so harshly

INT. JONATHAN’S MANSION – DAY

Scene Arc: From a polite report to raging anger

Essence: Longfellow has discovered what kind of person Youngblood really is and is excited to no end to communicate all to Jonathan

Conflict: Jonathan feels betrayed when Longfellow presents his black and white photos of Youngblood going crazy in the Haight. He rages at Longfellow, which is shocking since he has never raised his voice before. Jonathan demands that Longfellow give Youngblood the respect that he deserves. Longfellow is shaken and presents the new will for Jonathan to sign. Jonathan signs, then breaks off their friendship, just chops it off like it was nothing.

Subtext: Longfellow is taken back by Jonathan’s raging anger. Where does it come from?

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes that Jonathan will come to his senses someday / Longfellow goes into a deep depression, fearing he has lost Jonathan like he lost Maggie

INT. TOMMY’S JOYNT – DAY

Scene Arc: From a polite encounter to one of deep subtext pain

Essence: Longfellow asks Maggie, a police detective, for help with the problem of Youngblood

Conflict: Longfellow has to beg for help. Maggie is reluctant, given what happened in their breakup

Subtext: seeing Maggie again opens an old wound

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes Maggie can help solve the mystery of Youngblood / He fears that he has lost her forever

EXT. JONATHAN’S MANSION – DAY

Scene Arc: From looking forward to seeing Jonathan to being distraught at the news of his disappearance

Essence: Longfellow learns that Jonathan has disappeared without a trace

Conflict: Longfellow passes by Youngblood as he leaves by the front door. Their eyes are like daggers. Why the front door? Doesn’t he always leave by the back door?

Subtext: Polite encounters mask a growing hatred for each other

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes that Jonathan will be found / He fears that Youngblood has killed him. He must have found out that he is the sole beneficiary.

ACT 2

INT. JONATHAN’S MANSION – DAY

Scene Arc: From edgy polite to yelling.

Essence: Youngblood is moving in

Conflict: Youngblood shows up at the mansion with a suitcase. Starts barking orders to Alfred and the staff.

Subtext: Youngblood the hippie feels entitled to the mansion

Hope/fear: Alfred and the staff hope Youngblood will leave on his own / They fear he’s here to stay

INT. LONGFELLOW’S APARTMENT – DAY

Scene Arc: From pleading to desperate

Essence: Longfellow must act, do something, anything, legal or not, to get Youngblood out of the mansion

Conflict: Alfred comes to see Longfellow, pleads for his intervention. Longfellow hesitates. He fears Youngblood, thinks he’s flat out dangerous.

Subtext: a sense of foreboding

Hope/fear: Alfred hopes Longfellow will help / He fears being in the same house as Youngblood

INT. JONATHAN’S MANSION – DAY

Scene Arc: From polite to shoving to fighting. Maggie has to break them up.

Essence: Longfellow acts, attempts to evict Youngblood

Conflict: Longfellow shows up at the mansion with Maggie and a letter of eviction. But Youngblood gets out of it by claiming that he’s been paying rent for the last six months and he has another six months remaining on the lease. He presents the lease, signed by Jonathan.

Subtext: Don’t mess with me

Hope/fear: Youngblood reminds Longfellow of the 100 day disappearance clause in the will. He hopes Longfellow will give up the fight. / Longfellow fears Youngblood will never leave

INT. POLICE STATION – DAY

Scene Arc: From calm to desperate as Longfellow realizes time is running out. There must be something we can do?

Essence: Longfellow learns that there are no leads on Jonathan’s disappearance.

Conflict: Longfellow demands that more be done to find Jonathan. Maggie insists that nothing more can be done since there are no leads.

Subtext: desperation

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes Jonathan can be found / He fears Youngblood has killed him

INT. ARBITRATION ROOM – DAY

Scene Arc: From hopeful to outright disaster

Essence: Longfellow disputes the will in arbitration

Conflict: Longfellow wants to cut Youngblood out of the estate. Youngblood wants to humiliate Longfellow

Subtext: hatred, vengeance

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes to cut Youngblood out of the will through arbitration / He fears there is no stopping Youngblood if he loses

INT. JONATHAN’S APARTMENT – DAY

Scene Arc: From bad to worse

Essence: Maggie confirms no results on the investigation of Jonathan’s disappearance

Conflict: Longfellow questions Maggie’s efforts. Maggie demands that Longfellow accept reality

Subtext: anger, dismay

Hope/fear: Longfellow’s last hope is crushed / He fears there is no stopping Youngblood

EXT. HAIGHT-ASHBURY – DAY

Scene Arc: determination to helplessness

Essence: Longfellow follows Youngblood and is attacked

Conflict: Longfellow follows Youngblood, but suspects he’s being followed too. Longfellow is seriously wounded. A hippie photographer, Hubie, saves him.

Subtext: Who are you? Are you an angel?

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes to get the goods on Youngblood / He fears he almost lost his life in his pursuit

INT. JONATHAN’S MANSION – DAY

Scene Arc: From polite to edgy bitterness

Essence: Youngblood inherits Jonathan’s wealth lock, stock and barrel

Conflict: Longfellow takes the new deed and bank papers to Youngblood for his signature. Longfellow is a broken man. It strikes him as odd that Youngblood should know so many details of the will. How can that be?

Subtext: Hatred, bitterness

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes for a miracle / He fears non is to come

INT. LONGFELLOW’S APARTMENT – DAY

Scene Arc: Relating the facts to despair

Essence: Alfred communicates to Longfellow the intolerable behavior of Youngblood

Conflict: Longfellow is dismayed to learn that Youngblood holds all-night wild parties with vagrant hippies in the mansion. Longfellow takes comfort in the bottle, smashes a cherished framed picture of Jonathan and himself in better times, a symbol of their unbreakable friendship. All is lost.

Subtext: seething hatred

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes to solve the mystery of Youngblood / He fears that his friend is gone, that Youngblood has killed him.

ACT 3

INT. LONGFELLOW’S APARTMENT – DAY

Scene Arc: From detached to hysterical

Essence: Alfred communicates to Longfellow that Youngblood is getting out of control. The staff lives in fear.

Conflict: What can we do?

Subtext: fear of what’s coming

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes for a way to contain Youngblood / He fears it may be too late

INT. THE DROGSTORE – DAY

Scene Arc: From cooperative to resistant

Essence: All Cowboy knows is that “the sparkly” comes from a remote mine not too far from Virginia City, Nevada.

Conflict: Jonathan needed the sparkly for his experiments, but why would Youngblood need them too?

Subtext: suspicious

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes Cowboy will explain more / He fears he may not get to the bottom of it

INT. POLICE STATION – DAY

Scene Arc: From pleading to contentious

Essence: the decision that sends Longfellow to jail

Conflict: Longfellow wants Alfred released. This is all my fault anyway.

Subtext: there’s more to this story that I’m not telling you

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes Alfred will be released / He fears for what’s behind the drugs

INT. JAIL CELL – DAY

Scene Arc: From on guard to cooperative

Essence: Longfellow and Hubie become a team.

Conflict: At first, Longfellow won’t share with Hubie what he knows.

Subtext: stay away from me

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes the plan will work / He fears for what happens if it fails.

INT. HUBIE’S DARK ROOM – DAY

Scene Arc: From careful consideration to alarm

Essence: When Hubie shows Longfellow photos of the sparkly drugs/metamorphosis explosion, L immediately remembers seeing that trace on the dead body in the street.

Conflict: Hubie’s evidence suggests Youngblood is a serial killer

Subtext: We’re in deep here

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes for a solution to the mystery / He fears he’s in over his head

INT. POLICE STATION – DAY

Scene Arc: From polite to intense

Essence: Longfellow, Hubie and Maggie put together a plan to catch the hippie red-handed and expose him as the unknown serial killer.

Conflict: different views on how to execute the plan

Subtext: the wrong move may get us all killed

Hope/fear: The team hopes to trap Youngblood / The fear getting killed

EXT. YOUNGBLOOD’S FLOP HOUSE – DAY

Scene Arc: From tense waiting to confusion to death

Essence: Longfellow and Hubie’s plan fails

Conflict: Youngblood kills Hubie

Subtext: things are falling apart

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes to capture Youngblood red handed / He fears there is nothing stopping Youngblood now.

INT. LONGFELLOW’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Scene Arc: Longfellow didn’t think he could sink lower, but here he is.

Essence: Longfellow as a defeated man

Conflict: Longfellow’s dark night of the soul – a man confused and in conflict with himself

Subtext: despair

Hope/fear: Lost hope / fear at what a victorious and vengeful Youngblood will do

ACT 4

INT. LONGFELLOW’S APARTMENT – DAY

Scene Arc: From boredom to excitement

Essence: Maggie brings the last trace sample of the sparkly debris to Longfellow

Conflict: We know that Youngblood is the killer, now how do we prove it?

Subtext: anticipation

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes they are on to something / He fears that they won’t be able to prove their suspicions

INT. JONATHAN’S MANSION – DAY

Scene Arc: From a careful search to a rush to finish

Essence: Maggie and Longfellow search the mansion for the sparkly debris

Conflict: To conclude the search before Youngblood returns

Subtext: we’re getting closer

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes to find evidence / He fears he will not

INT. POLICE STATION – DAY

Scene Arc: From resistance to everyone getting on board.

Essence: Longfellow and Maggie organize the entire police department in an undercover plan at the Be-In.

Conflict: the risk of being killed

Subtext: this better work

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes that this time the plan will work / He fears that Youngblood won’t show up at the Be-In

EXT. GOLDEN GATE PARK – DAY

Scene Arc: From methodical searching to a chase

Essence: Youngblood is caught in the act of murder

Conflict: attempted murder

Subtext: horror

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes to catch Youngblood in the act / He fears he won’t find him

EXT. CITY STREETS – DAY

Scene Arc: From one side of the city to the other

Essence: Longfellow pursues Youngblood across the city

Conflict: the chase

Subtext: I’m going to be so happy when you’re gone

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes to entrap Youngblood / He fears he will get away

INT. CELLAR APARTMENT – DAY

Scene Arc: From an attack to quiet

Essence: Longfellow kills Youngblood/Jonathan

Conflict: a brutal attack

Subtext: how peaceful it is now that you’re gone

Hope/fear: Longfellow hopes to rescue Jonathan / He fears Jonathan may be dead — which he is.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen PLOT AND CHARACTER LAYERS

What I learned from this assignment is that plot and character work together in layers

The Americans

Phillip and Elizabeth are your next door neighbors, but they are constantly doing what’s necessary to avoid being discovered and prosecuted.

Phillip and Elizabeth’s family is based on a lie and they make every effort to keep their true identities secret from their children.

Phillip has a secret son whom he will not reveal to Elizabeth.

The Red Ballot

PLOT LAYERS:

Layer 1: Major scheme revealed:

a secret plot to assassinate the President is revealed

Layer 2: Hidden plan:

The one who draws the red ballot will be the one who will assassinate President Lincoln

Layer 3: Hidden history:

Ferrandini’s military experience

Kate’s deceased husband

Pinkerton needing to escape Scotland

Layer 4: Major betrayal: Ferrandini’s fiancé, Miss Dixie (Kate), deserts him the day before the wedding.

Layer 5: Mystery revealed:

the mystery of who planted the bomb on the railroad tracks is ultimately revealed

Layer 6: Thought the story was one thing, but it is another:

the story begins centered around the assassination plot, but then moves to questions about the values needed for a democracy to work in a free society.

Layer 7: Major shift in Meaning:

From power to freedom

CHARACTER LAYERS:

Layer 1: Secret identity:

Ferrandini the Barber is actually the leader of a secret society supporting slavery

Franklin the Businessman is actually Pinkerton

Miss Dixie is actually Kate

Layer 2: Character intrigue:

Who is Ferrandini and how does he plan to kill the President?

Layer 3: Hidden relationships and conspiracies:

Ferrandini poses as the town barber, but actually leads the assassination plot, managing the bumbling Knights of the Golden Circle and the bloodthirsty gang members.

Layer 4: Hidden Character history:

Ferrandini’s military past

Kate’s former marriage

Pinkerton’s outcast status in Scotland

Layer 5: Identity beneath the identity:

The spy becomes the object of affection

[George Petersen]

George Petersen INTRIGUING MOMENTS

My Vision is to direct one of my screenplays as a low-budge indie feature

What I learned doing this assignment is that appears spontaneous but actually needs to be plotted out.

The Summer of Haight

ACT 1

Intrigue – Jonathan designates a hippie as the sole beneficiary of his estate

Secret – Jonathan won’t tell Longfellow anything about Youngblood

Covert agenda – Longfellow decides to follow Youngblood on one of his escapades into the Haight-Ashbury

Hidden identity – Jonathan makes certain that Youngblood’s true identity is kept hidden

Conspiracy – Longfellow asks Maggie, a police detective, for help

Scheme – Longfellow will discover what Youngblood is up to, then reveal all to Jonathan

Superior position – Youngblood doesn’t know he’s being followed

Cover up – Jonathan covers up anything negative about Youngblood

Mystery – Why won’t Jonathan reveal anything about the hippie?

ACT 2

Intrigue – Jonathan disappears

Secret – Jonathan keeps his intentions secret from Longfellow despite their deep friendship

Covert agenda – Longfellow investigates Youngblood, follows him

Hidden identity – Youngblood is an expression of Jonathan’s dark side

Conspiracy – Jonathan works solo, so no conspiracy, only scheme

Scheme – Jonathan makes Youngblood the beneficiary of his estate to protect his wealth in case he can’t make it back

Superior position – Youngblood doesn’t know that Longfellow follows him through the Haight

Cover up – Youngblood covers up any explanation of Jonathan’s disappearance

Mystery – Why is this happening? What makes the hippie Youngblood so special? Why does he inherit the estate?

ACT 3

Intrigue – Longfellow thinks he can prove Youngblood killed Jonathan

Secret – Hubie presents secret evidence that suggests Youngblood is a murderer

Covert agenda – Longfellow yearns to put Youngblood in jail

Hidden identity – Longfellow dresses up as a hippie

Conspiracy – Longfellow conspires with Hubie to trap Youngblood

Scheme – to follow Youngblood and photograph him in the act of murder

Superior position – Youngblood doesn’t know he’s being followed — or does he?

Cover up – Longfellow tries to cover up Jonathan’s relationship with the drug dealer, Cowboy

Mystery – did Youngblood kill Jonathan in order to inherit his wealth? Did Youngblood know he was the only beneficiary in Jonathan’s will?

ACT 4

Intrigue – will Youngblood be at the Be-In?

Secret – that Jonathan lives in Youngblood

Covert agenda – Longfellow’s wish to kill Youngblood

Hidden identity – Longfellow dresses up as a hippie again

Conspiracy – the whole police force goes undercover in hippie garb to trap Youngblood

Scheme – to capture Youngblood in the act of murder

Superior position – Youngblood is unaware of the trap that has been set at the Be-In.

Cover up – Longfellow covers up the true relationship between Jonathan and Youngblood

Mystery – Longfellow is forced to face the truth: in killing Youngblood, he has killed his best friend

[George Petersen]

George Petersen BIG PICTURE OPEN LOOPS

What I learned from this assignment is

Assignment #1

The Americans

Early open loops:

Will Elizabeth get revenge for being raped by a KGB officer?

Will Phillip and Elizabeth be able to “eliminate” the Russian spy locked in their garage?

Extended open loops:

Will Stan bust Phillip or will Phillip be able to keep up the charade of best friends?

Will Phillip and Elizabeth be able to meet the domestic needs of their kids.

Will Phillip’s secret son ruin any hopes of a meaningful marriage with Elizabeth?

Assignment #2

The Red Ballot

GOALS:

New goals?

To find the lost copy of the inaugural address. It’s the only copy.

Goals related to the big picture?

To get Lincoln to Washington safely and in one piece.

Crushed goals?

Kate’s goal of _____ gets crushed by ______.

Competition / conflict around goals?

Pinkerton and Stinson compete over security protocols.

CONSEQUENCES:

Are they going to be caught?

Ferrandini and the drunken gang members board the train searching for Lincoln. Only Kate stands between them.

Problems created from past actions?

Lincoln spills the beans to his friend, Stinson, a member of his security detail and he, in turn, goes to the press. Lincoln is humiliated.

Good plans gone wrong?

Ferrandini gets wind of Pinkerton’s change in plans.

SOLVING PROBLEMS:

What is the major problem for this character?

Convincing his detectives on the absolute importance of secrecy.

What are they trying to solve?

Is there in fact an assassination plot against the President?

Major change imposed on character?

Kate presses Pinkerton to be more intuitive.

Previous solutions cause new problems?

Kate’s progress with Ferrandini leads to an unplanned romantic relationship.

RELATIONSHIPS:

Relationships in peril?

Ferrandini and Kate

New relationships forming?

Kate and Lincoln

Conflict inside relationships?

Kate and Pinkerton

Lincoln and Pinkerton

Relationships changing?

Ferrandini and Pinkerton

DANGER / SURVIVAL / RISKS:

Can they survive X?

Can Kate and Pinkerton survive the bloodthirsty gangs of Baltimore?

Putting themselves in danger / making

dangerous decisions?

Pinkerton steps into a secret meeting of the Knights of the Golden Circle.

Kate gets on a train filled with drunken rioters.

Who else is pulled into their danger?

Kate. The President.

Internal dangers (drug addiction, need for medicine, inner demons)?

As the big day approaches, the gang members are getting drunk.

Tell us your top 5-8 Big Picture Open Loops that could be in your pilot.

Will Kate and Pinkerton discover the assassination plot in time?

Will Ferrandinin discover that his fiancé is a spy before the marriage?

How will Kate and Pinkerton foil the plot?

How will Pinkerton get Lincoln to stop talking and lay low?

How will Kate get Lincoln on the train without being recognized?

How will Pinkerton deal with Lincoln’s retired military escort who don’t believe in spies?

When will Pinkerton figure out that his barber, Ferrandini, is misdirecting him with fake information?

[George Petersen]

George Petersen SHOW MYSTERIES

What I learned from this assignment is that what you leave out is as important as what you put in.

The Americans

The Big Mystery centers around two Russian spies posing as an American Family trying to get American secrets.

A smaller secret concerns Phillip’s secret son.

Another is Elizabeth being raped while in training for the KGB.

*

The Red Ballot

Shocking Event Mystery

Shocking Event: A young Baltimore gang member confesses the existence of an assassination plot

Secret: Ferrandini the Barber is at the center of an assassination plot

Investigation: Kate and Pinkerton lead an investigation in Baltimore

Who: Ferrandini and the Knights of the Golden Circle

What: A drawing to select the lucky assassin

When: In three days

Where: At Ferrandini’s home

Why: To support the Confederacy

How: Members of the Knights get secret invitations

Part Withheld: Ferrandini holds a drawing for the lucky assassin. Who will draw the one red ballot? But Ferrandini secretly puts in eight red ballots.

*

Over Time Mystery

Cover up: Ferrandini, the Knights and the Baltimore gangs all strive to keep the assassination plot secret

Secret: Who has drawn the red ballot?

Reveals: Eight KGC members have drawn red ballots

Who: Ferrandini the Barber

What: A secret plot to assassinate President Lincoln

When: In three weeks

Where: At the Baltimore train station North

Why: To support slavery

How: An attack on the President’s carriage as he is being transported between the northern and southern train stations

Part Withheld: the date on which the President will actually pass through Baltimore

[George Petersen]

George Petersen SHOW EMPATHY/DISTRESS

What I learned from this assignment is — distress, a bad thing, leads to empathy, a good thing.

The Americans

Undeserved misfortune.

Elizabeth was raped by her KGB instructor.

External Character conflicts.

Phillip proposes selling out; Elizabeth wants to go on.

Plot intruding on life.

The kids’ everyday needs intruding in their professional life as spies

Moral dilemmas.

Should Phillip tell Elizabeth about his son or keep it a secret? After all, Elizabeth isn’t really his wife — or is she?

Forced decisions they’d never make.

Forced to “eliminate” spies who could expose them.

*

The Red Ballot

Undeserved misfortune:

Kate has recently lost her husband. Now she’s a young widow in her twenties. When men come on to her, she only thinks of him.

Pinkerton misses his home country, Scotland, terribly — having been forced to leave the country secretly because of his support of pro democratic uprisings.

Lincoln will never get over his son’s death. To abandon young Willy’s gravesite in Springfield is unthinkable. And for what? A life in Washington? It’s beyond comprehension.

External Character conflicts:

Kate and Pinkerton fight over how to compromise Ferrandini. The wrong approach could be devastating: the loss of the President — and, perhaps, even of the Union. Pinkerton insists it should be done his way. He’s the boss. He’s the professional. But Kate won’t back down. This is infuriating.

Ferrandini struggles with the Baltimore gangs and the leaders of the Knights of the Golden Circle for control of the assassination plot.

Lincoln resists Pinkerton’s security protocols. Pinkerton has to beg Kate to bring Lincoln in line. She’s the only one who can handle him. So humiliating.

Pinkerton clashes with Lincoln’s old guard security personnel. The retired military versus the new detective methods.

Plot intruding on life:

Ferrandini falls in love with Kate. Proposes marriage. That wasn’t in the plan. Kate sets a date, which infuriates Pinkerton, throwing a wrench in his plans.

Pinkerton learns there are eight assassins waiting for Lincoln in Baltimore. There was only supposed to be one.

Moral dilemmas:

Should Kate be true to her feelings and go through with the marriage to Ferrandini, thereby destroying Pinkerton’s plan… or betray her fiancé in order to save the President — and maybe the Union?

Should Pinkerton risk sending a “defenseless” woman into the midst of murderers and thieves or play it safe and make it a man’s game? What if Kate is harmed — or worse, killed? Whose fault will that be?

Forced decisions they’d never make:

Kate finds herself in a shoot to kill situation where she must protect the President— and perhaps the Union. No matter what.

Pinkerton isn’t a gun guy. He fights with intelligence, with his mind. So what’s he going to do with all these guns pointed at him?

[George Petersen]

George Petersen’s Rewrite of Patricia Galbraith’s Treatment

What I learned from doing this assignment is that it’s amazing how much of a story can be compressed into a treatment.

DADDY’S GIRL

A small row boat on a lake. Houston (40) puts down the oars, strums his guitar, sings a song about love. Melody (17) leans against the backboard, listens intently, smiles.

It’s crowded at a lakeside tavern. The stage is empty. The crowd growing restless. Melody spots Houston drinking at a table of rowdy patrons. She walks up to him. Only, it’s not Houston, it’s Carl, who eerily looks very similar to her dad, Houston. After a terse exchange, Carl finishes his beer and leaves the tavern.

Houston appears on stage and sings amid cheers and applause.

Sheriff Hastings knocks on the door. Melody answers and is told to get her Mom. The Sheriff tells them that Houston has been killed by an assailant with a high powered rifle.

A week later, Melody returns home from school to find her mother missing. She calls the Sheriff, who tells her that her dad, Houston, was deeply indebted to a loan shark.

Melody receives a phone call from the loan shark demanding that Houston’s debt be repaid, if she wants to see her mother alive again. Melody calls the Sheriff.

A plan is formed where Melody will meet the loan shark at an abandoned warehouse. The Sheriff wires Melody and the Sheriff and his deputies take up positions.

Melody is shocked to see that the loan shark is Carl, who wanted to take over Houston’s career. When he threatens to kill her, she cleverly tricks Carl into confessing to her dad’s murder on tape.

Carl is arrested. Melody’s Mom is found and released.

A small row boat on the lake. Melody puts down the oars, strums a guitar, sings a song about love. The same song her father sang to her.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen’s SHOW RELATIONSHIP MAP

What I learned from doing this assignment is the depth of characterizations that comes with plotting relationships

The Americans

Phillip’s relationships to Elizabeth and Stan

Surface: Elizabeth – wife / Stan – neighbor

Common Ground: Elizabeth – spycraft / Stan – neighborhood get-togethers

Conflict: Elizabeth – to cash out or stick it out / Stan – to catch a spy

History: Elizabeth – spy training / Stan – his research on Phillip

Subtext: Elizabeth – not to slip up and expose their spycraft / Stan – not to slip up and expose his spycraft

Relationship Arc: Elizabeth – from coworkers to a caring relationship / Stan – from neighbors to adversaries

The Red Ballot

KATE’S relationship with PINKERTON FERRANDINI LINCOLN

Surface: PINKERTON – her boss / FERRANDINI – her “friend” / LINCOLN – her charge

Common Ground: PINKERTON – training sessions / FERRANDINI – dinner engagements / LINCOLN – train mates

Conflict: PINKERTON – how best to perform the covert operation / FERRANDINI – arguments over the proper way to kill a President / LINCOLN – how to manage him by keeping him out of sight and keeping his mouth shut

History: PINKERTON – recently widowed, Kate needs a job / FERRANDINI – Kate gets introduced as a fiery Southern sympathizer / LINCOLN – Kate has studied Lincoln’s speeches printed in the newspapers

Subtext: PINKERTON – secret spycraft / FERRANDINI – secret spycraft / LINCOLN – the daughter Lincoln never had

Relationship Arc: PINKERTON – from employer to employee > Kate becomes Pinkerton’s right hand “man” / LINCOLN – from secret agent > loving “daughter” / FERRANDINI – from secret lovers > full out adversaries

PINKERTON’S relationship with KATE FERRANDINI LINCOLN

Surface: KATE – employee / FERRANDINI – secret lover / LINCOLN – his charge

Common Ground: KATE – training sessions / FERRANDINI – drinking friend / LINCOLN – security target

Conflict: KATE – how best to perform the operation / FERRANDINI – how best to kill a President / LINCOLN – how to keep a gun out of his hands

History: KATE – her job interview / FERRANDINI – Pinkerton’s introduction to him as a successful businessman of the South / LINCOLN – Pinkerton knows of him from living in Chicago

Subtext: KATE – the daughter he never had / FERRANDINI – spycraft / LINCOLN – is there a plot or isn’t there?

Relationship Arc: KATE – from employer to employee > Kate becomes Pinkerton’s right hand “man” / FERRANDINI – from drinking buddies to full out adversaries / LINCOLN – from adversaries to partners

FERRANDINI THE BARBER’S relationship with KATE PINKERTON LINCOLN

Surface: KATE – dating partners / LINCOLN – the target of his assassination plot / PINKERTON – adversary

Common Ground: KATE – dinner dates / LINCOLN – the target of his conspiracy meetings / PINKERTON – adversary

Conflict: KATE – arguments over the proper way to kill a President / LINCOLN – target of his assassination plot / PINKERTON – how best to kill a President

History: KATE – gets introduced to him as a fiery Southern sympathizer / LINCOLN – has followed his speeches in the newspapers / PINKERTON – knows of his notorious capture of criminals in the newspapers

Subtext: KATE – secret spycraft / LINCOLN – object of destruction / PINKERTON – sworn enemy

Relationship Arc: KATE – from secret lovers > full out adversaries / LINCOLN – from object of disdain > full out hatred / PINKERTON – from sworn enemy > full out adversary

[George Petersen]

George Petersen’s FANTASTIC TREATMENT

What I learned doing this assignment is that a treatment forces one to make sure things flow.

Demoniac

Genre: Thriller

Logline: A married Art History Ph.D., recently graduated and drowning in debt, gets a call from the Devil offering him a job — if he will buy an illegal handgun and learn how to use it. But job security with the Devil comes at a price.

Opening:

Harry’s wife, Julia, sends him out to the city to find a job.

Harry stops at the store to buy a cell phone.

Inciting Incident:

Deep under the bay, Harry gets a phone call from Mephisto, who says he has a job for Harry if he will buy an illegal hand gun and learn how to use it.

But the call is so unnerving, that Harry destroys the phone.

He returns to the store to pick up a new phone making certain that this phone has a new number and no connections to the destroyed phone.

Harry returns to job hunting, relaxed and happy. He picks up a job lead at the university.

First Act Turning Point:

The phone rings. It’s him. It’s Mephisto. Harry is alarmed that Mephisto knows so many personal details about his life and that he can’t get rid of him.

Mephisto makes a peace offering. If Harry will enter a card into a new car drawing box, Mephisto will leave him alone, forever.

Harry drops the card into the drawing box.

Harry goes back to job hunting, but Mephisto calls him. Harry reminds him of the terms of the agreement. Mephisto admits he lies and that he and Harry will be connected forever.

Harry destroys the phone.

At the store, Harry demands a burn phone, like the ones the terrorists use.

When Mephisto calls again, he asks Harry to go to the top of a tall building, where he informs Harry about the advantages of living a life based upon hate. Harry protests that Mephisto will meet his match with Dr. Stein, his psychiatrist.

Midpoint:

During the session with Dr. Stein, the phone rings. Dr. Stein asks Harry to shut off the phone, but it won’t shut off. Eventually Harry answers it and Dr. Stein asks if he may speak with Mephisto. Dr. Stein takes the phone in the other room whereupon he suffers a fatal heart attack.

Mephisto presses Harry to join his quest and buy the illegal hand gun.

Harry throws the phone into the bay. Relief.

Second Act Turning Point:

Harry sits alone on the subway. A phone rings. Harry ignores it.

A passenger taps him on the shoulder and tells him the phone call is for him. Mephisto pressures him again.

Harry buys the illegal hand gun. He learns how to use it.

Crisis: to shoot or not to shoot, that is the question.

Harry preps himself for the shooting.

Climax: But at the last minute, Harry changes his mind and refuses to kill, a decision that results in. . .

Resolution: Harry’s death.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen EMOTIONAL MOMENTS

My Vision is to direct one of my screenplays as a low-budget indie feature.

What I learned doing this assignment is the importance of feelings in a script.

The Summer of Haight

Act 1:

Bonding: Longfellow tells Jonathan that nothing can ever break their friendship.

Surprise: Jonathan instructs Longfellow to draw up a will leaving all his wealth to a no good hippie.

Emotional Dilemma: should Longfellow risk his friendship with Jonathan in order to save him from Youngblood?

Betrayal: Jonathan feels betrayed when Longfellow tells him that he has investigated Youngblood.

Wound: seeing Maggie again opens an old wound.

Act 2:

Surprise: Jonathan disappears without a trace.

Distress: it distresses Longfellow to no end to see Youngblood take possession of Jonathan’s mansion and estate.

Hidden Weakness: Longfellow is unable to do anything about Youngblood’s provocations.

Act 3:

Courage: Longfellow finally takes action.

Moral issue: Longfellow sets a trap for Youngblood

Excitement: the trap falls apart.

Bonding: Longfellow and Maggie grow close.

Act 4:

Sacrifice: Longfellow sacrifices his career to save Jonathan from Youngblood.

Success/Winning: Longfellow succeeds in killing Youngblood.

Love: Longfellow expresses his feelings honestly to Maggie.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen CHARACTER EMOTIONS

What I learned doing this assignment is that characters are people too, with hopes and dreams like the rest of us.

The Americans:

Phillip:

Situational: Hope – to uncover American secrets / Fear – prison

Motivation: Want – to be free / Need – love

Mask: Base Negative Emotion – sadness / Public Mask – friendly neighbor

Weaknesses – impulsive

Triggers – the safety of his family

Coping Mechanism – Lies without thinking about it

*

Elizabeth:

Situational: Hope – to uncover American secrets / Fear – prison

Motivation: Want – recognition / Need – revenge

Mask: Base Negative Emotion – resentment / Public Mask – perfect wife

Weaknesses – emotionally detached

Triggers – sexual exploitation

Coping Mechanism – Denial, it didn’t happen

*

The Red Ballot:

Pinkerton:

Situational: Hope – to uncover the plot to kill the President / Fear – to be discovered

Motivation: Want – to be the best / Need – respect

Mask: Base Negative Emotion – suspicion / Public Mask – Protector of the Exploited

Weaknesses – hyper alert, sees potential disaster in everything, worries about things that do not warrant the energy spent

Triggers – social injustice

Coping Mechanism – Analyzes the situation backwards and forwards

*

Kate:

Situational: Hope – to uncover the plot to kill the President / Fear – to be discovered

Motivation: Want – recognition / Need – respect

Mask: Base Negative Emotion – resentment / Public Mask – Woman of Steel

Weaknesses – lonely

Triggers – exploitation of women

Coping Mechanism – Fights back, lashes out

*

Ferrandini the Barber:

Situational: Hope – to assassinate the President / Fear – prison

Motivation: Want – power / Need – adulation

Mask: Base Negative Emotion – hate / Public Mask – Defender of the Downtrodden Masses

Weaknesses – conceited, blind to his own weaknesses

Triggers – challenges to white supremacy

Coping Mechanism – berates his underlings

[George Petersen]

George Petersen INTRIGUING CHARACTER LAYERS

What I learned doing this assignment is that by making your characters more intriguing, plot ideas seem to jell more naturally.

The Americans:

Character Name: Phillip

Role: Russian Spy

Hidden agendas: to dispose of the body of his wife’s spycraft trainer

Competition: Stan, the neighbor who is an FBI agent

Conspiracies: to work with fellow Russian agents to uncover American secrets

Secrets: drives around town with a trapped spy in his trunk

Deception: pretends to be a normal neighbor

Wound: not being able to speak one Russian word for fear of slipping up and revealing his true identity

Secret Identity: Spy

*

The Red Ballot

Pinkerton:

Character Name: Alan Pinkerton

Role: owner/operator of a small detective agency in charge of making sure the President delivers his inaugural address on time and in one piece

Hidden agendas: to uncover the KGC plot to assassinate the President

Competition: the Chief of Police of New York, who is conducting a parallel investigation for political fame

Conspiracies: heads his team of spies trying to uncover the plot to assassinate the President

Secrets: he is the amicable businessman out to disrupt, imprison or, if necessary, kill those out to assassinate the President

Deception: he disguises himself as a jovial wealthy businessman who buys drinks and spreads his money around freely with the intention of getting people to talk

Wound: being forced to secretly leave Scotland because of his involvement in pro democratic activities

Secret Identity: Spy

*

Kate

Character Name: Kate Warner

Role: the first female detective

Hidden agendas: to uncover the KGC plot to assassinate the President

Competition: Pinkerton. As they work their way through Baltimore high society, she’s out to discover more secrets than Pinkerton

Conspiracies: heads her own team of women spies.

Secrets: she is an attractive, fun loving young socialite out to disrupt, imprison or, if necessary, kill those out to assassinate the President

Deception: she disguises herself as a fun loving young socialite who hangs out at prestigious hotels and restaurants. She’s fond of wearing a dress covered with Confederate flags, complete with a matching umbrella. At a plush restaurant, she will publicly call out Pinkerton as a Yankee sympathizer in order to gain the confidence of her targets.

Wound: recently widowed and worried about her independence, she’s determined to prove that women make better spies than men.

Secret Identity: Spy

*

Ferrandini the Barber:

Character Name: Cipriano Ferrandini

Role: head of the Baltimore chapter of the Knights of the Golden Circle, a secret society dedicated to the promotion of an international federation of slavery encircling the Gulf of Mexico.

Hidden agendas: to make certain, one way or another, that the President doesn’t make it through Baltimore alive.

Competition: competes against the disorganized, violent gangs of Baltimore for dominance over the plot to assassinate the President

Conspiracies: works secretly with KGC members to assassinate the President

Secrets: while he cuts your hair, he persuades you to reveal your deepest secrets. He’s the center of secret information in tinderbox Baltimore. Also, he has a history with pro fascist movements in Italy, which he hides.

Deception: he organizes a secret ballot, the winner of which will assassinate the President. Who will select the red ballot? No one is to ask or tell who the lucky winner is until after the killing. The lucky winner is to keep his status secret, so as to protect the integrity of the enterprise. It is in this context that he, unknown to anyone else, puts 8 red ballots into the drawing.

Wound: formerly arrested and ridiculed for a failed anti democratic conspiracy. Now he wants to get even, prove how smart and powerful he is.

Secret Identity: Spy

[George Petersen]

George Petersen SCENE #2

Logline: John confronts Nick about his taking advantage of his sister.

Essence: John confirms Nick’s gold digging ways.

Scene:

INT. JOHN’S KITCHEN – DAY

It’s a designer kitchen, sparkling new appliances everywhere.

John sits at the island counter, his lunch not touched. He stares at it.

Nick enters, opens the refrigerator, takes out a carton of almond milk.

John looks up.

JOHN

Go ahead, Nick. Eat my food. It’s there for the taking.

Nick stands there for a moment looking at John, then puts the carton back in the refrigerator, closes the door.

NICK

John, look, I know it must be hard for you, but Jane and I appreciate all you’re doing for us, putting us up and all. I don’t know where we would be today without your help.

JOHN

Any bites on your applications?

Nick crosses his arms, leans against the counter opposite the island.

NICK

Nothing yet.

JOHN

Of course not.

NICK

What does that mean?

JOHN

It means: you’re not marrying my sister.

Nick stiffens.

NICK

I love Jane, you know that.

JOHN

I know you checked out her properties on Zillow.

NICK

Why would I do that?

JOHN

Because you don’t love her. You don’t love her at all. All you’re looking for is —

NICK

What’s got into you, John? You’re talking crazy. I’m not after Jane’s money and you know it.

JOHN

That’s not what you told your therapist.

NICK

My therapist!

Nick walks around the island. John stands up.

JOHN

That call you made to me yesterday, that call you made when you were late for your appointment — well, you forgot to end the call.

Nick shoves John.

NICK

You listened to my therapy session?!

John shoves back.

JOHN

I learned a lot. I learned Jane isn’t the first rich woman you targeted.

NICK

Why you —

Nick lunges for John’s throat.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen SYNOPSIS FOR PRODUCER INTERVIEW

Title: Demoniac

Genre: Thriller

Logline: A married Art History Ph.D., recently graduated and drowning in debt, gets a call from the Devil offering him a job — if he will buy an illegal handgun and learn how to use it. But job security with the Devil comes at a price.

Synopsis: Burdened with student debt, a long suffering wife and a new baby, Harry buys a cell phone to help him with job hunting.

One day while job hunting, Harry gets a call from the Devil offering him a job. Harry destroys the phone.

Harry goes back to the store and gets a new phone.

The Devil calls him back on the new phone with the new number.

Harry seeks help from Dr. Stein, his psychiatrist. But the Devil calls him up during the session and when he hands the phone to Dr. Stein, the doctor dies of a heart attack.

Harry seeks help from the archbishop, but he is told to stay away from the archbishop or he will be arrested.

Persuaded through a long series of cell phone calls, Harry buys an illegal hand gun and learns how to use it. He says goodbye to his family and sets out to shoot the witches and goblins.

But when confronted with witches and goblins dressed in Halloween costumes, Harry has a change of heart and challenges the Devil.

The Devil’s assassin shoots Harry, but he dies knowing that he won the battle with the Devil.

[George Petersen]

I’m not sure what to do here, so I’ll just post and I think someone is supposed to create feedback through the Reply button, but I’m not sure. So I’m just going to post it and see what happens.

George Petersen THE SCENE

EXT. OUTDOOR RESTAURANT PATIO – DAY

Robert Cunningham (40s) sits alone at a table. A large half eaten display of food spreads out before him. He chugs a beer hungrily.

Trent (30s) approaches.

TRENT

Mr. Cunningham? Sorry I’m late.

ROBERT

You must be Trent. Please sit down. You want a beer? Of course you do.

(Motions to a waiter)

Another beer.

(Indicates the food)

I was celebrating a big sale.

TRENT

I was expecting Mrs. Cunningham.

ROBERT

Of course you are, but, I’m sorry to inform you, she’s not available. She’s attending an auction of her mother’s estate.

TRENT

Did your wife tell you I love auctions? Did a quarter mill last year in resales. I had expressed some interest in items that don’t move. If the price is right, that is.

ROBERT

I didn’t realize how deep your interest is.

The waiter delivers the beer.

ROBERT

You should meet my wife, Trinity.

Trent takes a sip.

TRENT

I would very much like to meet her. In fact, that’s why I’m here.

Robert checks his watch.

ROBERT

Come to my home for dinner. That way you can meet Trinity. Maybe she’ll have something that would be of interest to you.

Trent leans a little closer.

TRENT

If you don’t mind me asking… what’s she like, your wife?

Robert hesitates for a split second, then relaxes.

ROBERT

Oh, she’s great. She’s not like other women. You’ll like her.

TRENT

Do you have a photo of her?

Robert hesitates again, then proudly reaches for his wallet, shows off a photo of a stunning 20 something year old woman.

ROBERT

She’s quite a bit younger than I, as you can see.

Trent leans in for a closer look, then looks up at Robert.

TRENT

You must have a way with women.

Robert gives Trent a look. Then leans in close too.

ROBERT

(whispers)

The secret is… you have to be nice — at least in the beginning.

TRENT

I’ll remember that.

Under the table, Trent removes his wedding ring.

ROBERT

Will you excuse me for a moment? Too much beer.

TRENT

Of course, Mr. Cunningham.

Robert gets up.

ROBERT

Call me Robert.

Trent smiles.

Robert walks away.

Trent watches him go through the restroom door, then turns and nods.

INT. RESTAURANT BATHROOM – DAY

Robert flies violently through the air, crashes against a bathroom wall.

A Man in a Hawaiian Shirt (20s) lunges for him and slams his fist against Robert’s jaw.

Out of nowhere, Trent grabs the Man in the Hawaiian Shirt from behind, throws him against the opposite wall.

The two stare at each other for a moment, then the Man in the Hawaiian Shirt scampers away.

Trent turns and helps Robert to the sink.

ROBERT

Thank you. Thank you, my friend.

Trent grabs some paper towels and daps Robert’s bleeding chin.

TRENT

Let’s get you out of here.

EXT. OUTDOOR RESTAURANT WALKWAY – DAY

Trent helps Robert through a side gate, which leads to an arriving limo.

EXT. STREET – DAY

Behind some bushes down the street, the Man in the Hawaiian Shirt puts on sunglasses and watches Trent help Robert get in the limo. He smiles.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen REVEALS!

My Vision is to direct one of my screenplays as a low-budget indie feature.

What I learned from this assignment is, well, I’ve always wanted to do a treatment, like they used to do in the 30s, but I could never make it happen. Now, with the developing beat sheet, the bones of a treatment seems to be forming.

The Summer of Haight

Genre: Thriller

ACT 1: Story Goal: To introduce the inexplicable problem of the will

INCITING INCIDENT: Jonathan inexplicably commands Longfellow to draw up a will leaving all his wealth to a good-for-nothing hippie no one has ever heard of.

Longfellow Action: with the instructions for the new will in his hand, Longfellow is forced to choose between giving the paper back to Jonathan or putting it in his pocket. He puts the paper in his pocket.

Longfellow PJ1: Longfellow solemnly promises never to interfere with the will, understanding that it would end his friendship with Jonathan forever.

SET UP: Jonathan claims that Youngblood is a respectable doctor.

Longfellow PJ2: Not able to endure the mystery anymore, Longfellow wants answers and breaks his promise and follows Youngblood on one of his escapades into the Haight-Ashbury, risking his friendship with Jonathan, which means more to him than anything.

Longfellow Action: in the middle of the night, Longfellow takes his place amidst the shadows across the street from the cellar door of Jonathan’s mansion and waits.

Youngblood AJ1: Youngblood introduces himself to the story as a hippie who feels liberated to indulge himself in insatiable self-gratification on an insane level, without limits.

REVEAL: Longfellow learns that Youngblood is no doctor — he’s a crazy.

Youngblood Action: Youngblood indulges in painting flower girls nude bodies with DayGlo colors.

Youngblood Action: Youngblood splays his painted nude body down long stretches of butcher paper, creating abstract “art” in the process. Prudish, aristocratic Longfellow is aghast.

Longfellow Action: Longfellow photographs Youngblood in action.

Longfellow Action: in a thick fog, Longfellow blocks Youngblood’s path to the cellar door.

SET UP: Longfellow PJ3: Longfellow confronts Youngblood, threatens him with legal action if he harms Jonathan in any way. Longfellow implies Youngblood has no right to be here.

REVEAL: Youngblood has a key.

Longfellow Action: Longfellow picks up the key, holds it out to Youngblood.

TURNING POINT 1: Youngblood presents his personal key to the back door of Jonathan’s mansion. He has a right to be here. Back off.

Deeper Level: Longfellow has no idea that Youngblood is an expression of Jonathan’s dark side.

ACT 2: Story Goal: to transfer Jonathan’s wealth to Youngblood.

SET UP: Jonathan demands that Longfellow give Youngblood the respect that he deserves.

Longfellow Action: Longfellow presents his black and white photos of Youngblood going crazy in the Haight.

REVEAL: Jonathan is confronted with Youngblood’s craziness.

Longfellow PJ4: Longfellow presents a passionate report to Jonathan on the out of this world craziness of Youngblood.

Jonathan Triangle 1: Jonathan explodes at Longfellow for investigating Youngblood.

PLACEHOLDER: What does Longfellow do to make the will issue go away?

Longfellow PJ5: Giving up, Longfellow presents the will to Jonathan for his signature. It’s final.

Jonathan Triangle 2: Jonathan breaks off his friendship with Longfellow.

Longfellow PJ6: Longfellow goes into a deep depression over the loss of his beloved friendship.

Longfellow Action: Longfellow takes comfort in a bottle.

Youngblood Action: Youngblood exits the mansion’s front door, catches sight of Longfellow, walks away hurriedly, avoiding him.

Longfellow comes to the door, asks for Jonathan. Alfred tells him that Jonathan has disappeared. Longfellow: I thought Youngblood only used the back door.

INCITING INCIDENT: Jonathan inexplicably disappears, kicking off the timer for the 100 day disappearance clause in the will.

Youngblood AJ2: Youngblood demands that Longfellow execute the will.

Youngblood Action: Youngblood shows up at the mansion with a suitcase. Starts barking orders to Alfred and the staff, who plead with Longfellow to intervene.

Longfellow makes excuses. Delay tactic.

PLACEHOLDER: it gets ugly between Longfellow and Youngblood.

Longfellow Action: Determined to find out what Youngblood has done with Jonathan or his body, Longfellow follows Youngblood into the Haight again. Youngblood senses he’s being followed. Another murder. Longfellow is seriously wounded. A hippie photographer, Hubie, saves him.

SET UP: Longfellow PJ7: IRONY: making one last gasp effort, Longfellow goes against Jonathan’s last wishes and disputes the will in a behind the doors arbitration.

REVEAL: Longfellow is told, to his horror, that it is his friendship with Jonathan that makes the will irrevocable and credible. A bitter pill to swallow from the legal establishment.

Youngblood Action: Youngblood pulls up to the mansion in a small moving van, the cab crushed with giggling flower girls. Youngblood physically moves all his belongings and the flower girls into the mansion to the horror of Alfred the butler and the staff. The cook complains that Youngblood eats nonstop, like a ravenous animal.

Alfred comes to see Longfellow, pleads for his intervention.

Longfellow action: Longfellow shows up at the mansion with a police officer and a letter of eviction.

Youngblood Action: Youngblood presents the key as proof of Jonathan’s intentions that he and he alone should have access to the mansion. After all, where’s Longfellow’s key?

Youngblood AJ3: Youngblood forces Longfellow to execute the will. The 100 days are up.

Longfellow PJ8: Jonathan’s “disappearance” is finalized and confirmed.

Longfellow Action: Longfellow takes the new will to Youngblood for his signature. Longfellow is a broken man. It strikes him as odd that Youngblood should know so many details of the will.

TURNING POINT 2: Youngblood inherits Jonathan’s wealth lock, stock and barrel.

Youngblood Action: Youngblood holds all-night wild parties with vagrant hippies in the mansion to Longfellow’s dismay.

Longfellow PJ9: Longfellow sinks into a deep depression.

Longfellow Action: Longfellow takes comfort in the bottle again, smashes a cherished framed picture of Jonathan and himself in better times, a symbol of their unbreakable friendship.

Deeper Level: Longfellow has no idea that Youngblood is an expression of Jonathan’s dark side.

ACT 3: Story Goal: to execute the plan with a Haight-Ashbury hippie photographer, Hubie, to capture Youngblood red-handed.

SET UP: Hubie shows Longfellow photographs he has taken of Youngblood, which reveal a mysterious luminous quality about him, a quality that leaves a physical trace. Potential evidence.

Longfellow PJ10: determined to get back at Youngblood and with the aid of a photographer who hangs out in the Haight, Longfellow puts together a plan to capture Youngblood red-handed in the act of murder.

PLACEHOLDER: What is Longfellow’s plan?

And what is Youngblood’s weakness that Longfellow targets?

And how does Youngblood discover the plan?

TURNING POINT 3: but a thick blanket of fog rolls in at the worst time; the plans fails miserably, ending in the photographer, Hubie, getting killed by Youngblood.

REVEAL: The physical trace of Youngblood’s luminous quality backed by the photographs proves that indeed it was Youngblood who killed Hubie.

Longfellow PJ11: Longfellow sinks to the lower depths. All is lost.

Longfellow Action: Longfellow drowns himself in sorrow.

ACT 4: Story Goal: to coordinate with the entire police force in a plan to capture Youngblood red-handed.

Longfellow PJ12: The detective shows up at Longfellow’s trashed apartment, sobers him up.

SET UP: Longfellow claims that there is nothing to be done. He can’t prove that Youngblood has killed Jonathan or anyone else.

The detective presents him with new evidence, offers to help.

REVEAL: PLACEHOLDER: What is the new evidence?

Longfellow PJ13: Longfellow makes the case to the department: The stimulating environment of the Be-In will be too much for Youngblood to resist. His heightened animal like instincts will go wild. He won’t be able to control himself.

Climax: Longfellow coordinates a plan with the full police department to catch Youngblood red-handed at the Be-In. Hippie garb for everyone, including Longfellow.

SET UP: Longfellow claims that Youngblood has killed Jonathan. And now he must pay.

Youngblood AJ4: sure enough, at the the Be-In, Youngblood’s desire to kill for pleasure is irresistible once again.

Youngblood AJ5: Youngblood is caught in the act of killing by Longfellow.

Longfellow PJ14: Longfellow leads the chase across the city to capture Youngblood.

IRONIC DEEPER LAYER REVEAL:

REVEAL: Metamorphosis: Longfellow is faced with the reality that it is he, not Youngblood, who has in fact killed Jonathan.

That is, in killing Youngblood in an effort to protect Jonathan, he has in fact killed Jonathan, his best friend.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen ENGAGING MAIN CHARACTERS

What I learned from this assignment is that even the bad guys need to have different sides to them

The Americans:

Phillip

Role in the show:

Protagonist

Unique Purpose / Expertise:

Spycraft

Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface? He’s a domestic suburban Dad who is also a Russian spy

Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?

Murder for a good cause.

Unpredictable: What will they do next?

Will he stay a spy or cash in and defect to America?

Empathetic: Why do we care?

Because he lives on the edge: one mistake will blow his cover and end in disaster

Stan:

Role in the show:

Antagonist

Unique Purpose / Expertise:

FBI Investigator

Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surfac?

Like the protagonist, Stan is a domestic suburban Dad who works undercover as an FBI agent

Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?

Stan extends friendship with the intention of betraying it

Unpredictable: What will they do next?

Stan works with the department and together their resources are formidable and unpredictable

Empathetic: Why do we care?

The stress and lack of a normal life

*

The Red Ballot

Journey: from the owner/operator of a small Chicago detective agency to the man in charge of making sure the President gets to deliver his inaguaral address.

Alan Pinkerton:

Role in the show: Protagonist

Unique Purpose / Expertise: Founder and operator of a small detective agency

Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?

His passion is a full commitment to the necessity of absolute secrecy in any operation

Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?

The employment of deception as a necessary tool in his work

Unpredictable: What will they do next?

Any operation is seen as totally unique with its own novel approach

Empathetic: Why do we care?

His fugitive status escaping arrest for his pro-democracy activities in Scotland and for his work in Chicago training escaped slaves in the skills of being a blacksmith while on their journey on the Underground Railroad bound for Canada

Cipriano Ferrandini:

Role in the show: Antagonist

Unique Purpose / Expertise: A natural intelligence expert based upon his information gathering as a barber

Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?

Barber on the surface; spy underneath

Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?

Assassination as a good thing for the country

Unpredictable: What will they do next?

His belief that his cause justifies assassination and slavery makes him dangerous and unpredictable

Empathetic: Why do we care?

His vulnerability to be captured makes him a little sympathetic

[George Petersen]

George Petersen CHARACTER ACTION TRACKS!

My Vision is to direct one of my screenplays as a low-budget indie feature.

What I learned from this assignment is that it’s a lot easier to fill in blanks than it is to fill in a blank page.

The Summer of Haight

Genre: Thriller

ACT 1: Story Goal: To introduce the inexplicable problem of the will

INCITING INCIDENT: Jonathan inexplicably commands Longfellow to draw up a will leaving all his wealth to a good-for-nothing hippie no one has ever heard of.

Longfellow Action: with the instructions for the new will in his hand, Longfellow is forced to choose between giving the paper back to Jonathan or putting it in his pocket. He puts the paper in his pocket.

Longfellow PJ1: Longfellow solemnly promises never to interfere with the will, understanding that it would end his friendship with Jonathan forever.

Longfellow PJ2: Not able to endure the mystery anymore, Longfellow wants answers and breaks his promise and follows Youngblood on one of his escapades into the Haight-Ashbury, risking his friendship with Jonathan, which means more to him than anything.

Longfellow Action: in the middle of the night, Longfellow takes his place amidst the shadows across the street from the cellar door of Jonathan’s mansion and waits.

Youngblood AJ1: Youngblood introduces himself to the story as a hippie who feels liberated to indulge himself in insatiable self-gratification on an insane level, without limits.

Youngblood Action: Youngblood indulges in painting flower girls nude bodies with DayGlo colors.

Youngblood Action: Youngblood splays his painted nude body down long stretches of butcher paper, creating abstract “art” in the process. Prudish, aristocratic Longfellow is aghast.

Longfellow Action: Longfellow photographs Youngblood in action.

Longfellow Action: in a thick fog, Longfellow blocks Youngblood’s path to the cellar door.

Longfellow Action: Longfellow picks up the key, holds it out to Youngblood.

Longfellow PJ3: Longfellow confronts Youngblood, threatens him with legal action if he harms Jonathan in any way.

Deeper Level: Longfellow has no idea that Youngblood is an expression of Jonathan’s dark side.

TURNING POINT 1: Youngblood presents his personal key to the back door of Jonathan’s mansion. He has a right to be here. Back off.

ACT 2: Story Goal: to transfer Jonathan’s wealth to Youngblood.

Longfellow Action: Longfellow presents his black and white photos of Youngblood going crazy in the Haight.

Longfellow PJ4: Longfellow presents a passionate report to Jonathan on the out of this world craziness of Youngblood.

Jonathan Triangle 1: Jonathan explodes at Longfellow for investigating Youngblood.

Longfellow PJ5: Longfellow presents the will to Jonathan for his signature. It’s final.

Jonathan Triangle 2: Jonathan breaks off his friendship with Longfellow.

Longfellow PJ6: Longfellow goes into a deep depression over the loss of his beloved friendship.

Longfellow Action: Longfellow takes comfort in a bottle.

Youngblood Action: Youngblood exits the mansion’s front door, catches sight of Longfellow, walks away hurriedly, avoiding him.

Longfellow comes to the door, asks for Jonathan. Alfred tells him that Jonathan has disappeared. Longfellow: I thought Youngblood only used the back door.

INCITING INCIDENT: Jonathan inexplicably disappears, kicking off the timer for the 100 day disappearance clause in the will.

Youngblood AJ2: Youngblood demands that Longfellow execute the will.

Youngblood Action: Youngblood shows up at the mansion with a suitcase. Starts barking orders to Alfred and the staff, who plead with Longfellow to intervene.

Longfellow makes excuses. Delay tactic.

PLACEHOLDER: it gets ugly between Longfellow and Youngblood.

Longfellow Action: Determined to find out what Youngblood has done with Jonathan or his body, Longfellow follows Youngblood into the Haight again. Youngblood senses he’s being followed. Another murder. Longfellow is seriously wounded. A hippie photographer, Hubie, saves him.

Longfellow PJ7: IRONY: making one last gasp effort, Longfellow goes against Jonathan’s last wishes and disputes the will in a behind the doors arbitration, but is told, to his horror, that it is his friendship with Jonathan that makes the will irrevocable and credible.

Youngblood Action: Youngblood pulls up to the mansion in a small moving van, the cab crushed with giggling flower girls. Youngblood physically moves all his belongings and the flower girls into the mansion to the horror of Alfred the butler and the staff. The cook complains that Youngblood eats nonstop, like a ravenous animal.

Alfred comes to see Longfellow, pleads for his intervention.

Longfellow action: Longfellow shows up at the mansion with a police officer and a letter of eviction.

Youngblood Action: Youngblood presents the key as proof of Jonathan’s intentions that he and he alone should have access to the mansion. After all, where’s Longfellow’s key?

Youngblood AJ3: Youngblood forces Longfellow to execute the will. The 100 days are up.

Longfellow PJ8: Jonathan’s “disappearance” is finalized and confirmed.

Longfellow Action: Longfellow takes the new will to Youngblood for his signature. Longfellow is a broken man. It strikes him as odd that Youngblood should know so many details of the will.

TURNING POINT 2: Youngblood inherits Jonathan’s wealth lock, stock and barrel.

Youngblood Action: Youngblood holds all-night wild parties with vagrant hippies in the mansion to Longfellow’s dismay.

Longfellow PJ9: Longfellow sinks into a deep depression.

Longfellow Action: Longfellow takes comfort in the bottle again, smashes a cherished framed picture of Jonathan and himself in better times, a symbol of their unbreakable friendship.

Deeper Level: Longfellow has no idea that Youngblood is an expression of Jonathan’s dark side.

ACT 3: Story Goal: to execute the plan with a Haight-Ashbury hippie photographer, Hubie, to capture Youngblood red-handed.

Longfellow PJ10: determined to get back at Youngblood and with the aid of a photographer who hangs out in the Haight, Longfellow puts together a plan to capture Youngblood red-handed in the act of murder.

PLACEHOLDER: What is Longfellow’s plan?

And what is Youngblood’s weakness that Longfellow targets?

And how does Youngblood discover the plan?

TURNING POINT 3: but a thick blanket of fog rolls in at the worst time; the plans fails miserably, ending in the photographer, Hubie, getting killed by Youngblood.

Longfellow PJ11: Longfellow sinks to the lower depths. All is lost.

Longfellow Action: Longfellow drowns himself in sorrow.

ACT 4: Story Goal: to coordinate with the entire police force in a plan to capture Youngblood red-handed.

Longfellow PJ12: The detective shows up at Longfellow’s trashed apartment, sobers him up. She presents him with new evidence, offers to help.

PLACEHOLDER: What is the new evidence?

Longfellow PJ13: Longfellow makes the case to the department: The stimulating environment of the Be-In will be too much for Youngblood to resist. His heightened animal like instincts will go wild. He won’t be able to control himself.

Climax: Longfellow coordinates a plan with the full police department to catch Youngblood red-handed at the Be-In. Hippie garb for everyone, including Longfellow.

Youngblood AJ4: sure enough, at the the Be-In, Youngblood’s desire to kill for pleasure is irresistible once again.

Youngblood AJ5: Youngblood is caught in the act of killing by Longfellow.

Longfellow PJ14: Longfellow leads the chase across the city to capture Youngblood.

IRONIC DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Metamorphosis: Longfellow is faced with the reality that in killing Youngblood in an effort to protect Jonathan, he has in fact killed Jonathan, his best friend.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen THE SCENE

INT. RESTAURANT BATHROOM – DAY

Robert (40s) is violently thrown against a bathroom wall.

A Man in a Hawaiian Shirt (20s) lunges for him and slams his fist against Robert’s jaw.

Out of nowhere, Trent (30s) grabs the Man in the Hawaiian Shirt from behind, throws him against the opposite wall.

The two stare at each other for a moment, then the Man in the Hawaiian Shirt scampers away.

Trent turns and helps Robert to the sink.

ROBERT

Thank you. Thank you.

Trent grabs some paper towels and daps Robert’s bleeding chin.

ROBERT

Have you had lunch?

EXT. OUTDOOR RESTAURANT PATIO – DAY

Trent helps Robert into his chair, checks out the large half eaten display of Beer and food before him.

ROBERT

I was celebrating a big sale. Please sit down.

TRENT

Rest. You should rest.

Trent sits.

ROBERT

I would call my wife, but she’s not available. She’s attending an auction of her mother’s estate.

TRENT

I love auctions. Did a quarter mill last year in resales. I might be interested in items that don’t move. If the price is right, that is.

ROBERT

Really?

TRENT

Do you have any idea who attacked you?

ROBERT

I suppose I may have said something about the man’s wife, but it was nothing to get worked up about. That’s the thing about men today: they lack a sense of humor. Can I order you something?

TRENT

No thanks.

ROBERT

You should meet my wife, Trinity.

TRENT

I would very much like to meet her.

Robert checks his watch.

ROBERT

Come to my home for dinner. That way you can meet Trinity. Maybe she’ll have something that would be of interest to you.

Trent leans a little closer.

TRENT

If you don’t mind me asking… what’s she like, your wife?

Robert hesitates for a split second, then relaxes.

ROBERT

Oh, she’s great. She’s not like other women. You’ll like her.

TRENT

Do you have a photo of her?

Robert hesitates again, then proudly reaches for his wallet, shows off a photo of a stunning 20 something year old woman.

ROBERT

She’s quite a bit younger than I, as you can see.

Trent leans in for a closer look, then looks up at Robert.

TRENT

You must have a way with women.

Robert gives Trent a look. Then leans in close too.

ROBERT

(a fake whisper)

The secret is… you have to be nice — at least in the beginning.

TRENT

I’ll remember that.

Under the table, Trent removes his wedding ring.

ROBERT

Shall we go?

Trent helps Robert up from the table and helps him through the side gate, which leads to the arriving limo.

EXT. STREET – DAY

Behind some bushes down the street, the Man in the Hawaiian Shirt puts on sunglasses and watches Trent help Robert get in the limo. He smiles.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen

I agree to the terms of the release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen THRILLER WRITING SAMPLE

What I learned from this assignment was that a 10 page sample seems like a terrific marketing technique.

Title: The Summer of Haight

Genre: Thriller

Logline:

In the summer of 1967, an attorney is baffled when his best friend designates a good-for-nothing hippie as the sole benefactor of his opulent estate. After the hippie inherits the estate complete with its lush Victorian mansion, the attorney swears revenge for his “missing” friend.

Three Scene Setups:

Learning that he’s out of his league with the hippie, Youngblood, Longfellow tries to enlist the help of Maggie, a San Francisco detective assigned to teenage runaways.

After a night following Youngblood carousing in the Haight-Ashbury, Longfellow, accompanied by his faithful dog, Winston, confronts Youngblood face to face.

Alfred, Jonathan’s butler, expresses his appreciation to Longfellow for his attempts to deal with the problem of Youngblood.

10 PAGE SAMPLE:

INT. TOMMY’S JOYNT – DAY

Rowdy PATRONS at a bar CLINK mugs of beer and cheer.

A Hofbrauhaus crammed with curious, interesting but totally useless knickknacks from around the world.

DETECTIVE MAGGIE SHAUGHNESSY is forty, a bundle of frazzled energy with fiery red hair, going every which way at once.

She wears a thick white bandage on the right side of her face, along her jawline.

She walks past the bar, spots Longfellow huddled in a booth in the back.

She watches him for a moment while he sits staring pensively at his FEDORA on the table.

She approaches him slowly.

MAGGIE

I heard you were looking for me.

Longfellow looks up, a bit startled. Composes himself.

LONGFELLOW

I’m always looking for you.

Maggie sits down.

MAGGIE

If you’ve been looking for me, you’ve sure been doing a lousy job of it.

LONGFELLOW

I hope to do better.

(indicates the bandage)

What happened to you?

MAGGIE

Cut myself shaving.

Longfellow folds his arms, leans back, gives her a look.

LONGFELLOW

You don’t like me anymore — do you?

MAGGIE

I never said that. I never said I didn’t like you. What I said was… you didn’t love me anymore.

LONGFELLOW

I never said that.

MAGGIE

You didn’t have to say it, Longfellow.

That hurts. He puts on a fake, happy face.

LONGFELLOW

So… to what do I owe this prodigious pleasure, this intoxicating delight?

MAGGIE

You wanted to see me, remember?

LONGFELLOW

As a matter of fact–

MAGGIE

Aren’t you going to order a drink?

LONGFELLOW

Well, it’s still early.

MAGGIE

Not for you.

LONGFELLOW

Touche.

A WAITRESS delivers two sandwiches and two beers.

Longfellow moves his fedora to the side of the table, to make room.

MAGGIE

I didn’t order anything.

LONGFELLOW

Roast Beef on sourdough. You liked it before.

MAGGIE

What are you thinking? I can’t drink this. I’m on the clock.

LONGFELLOW

It’s not for you.

Longfellow grabs her beer, drinks up, sets the beer down next to his untouched one, digs in.

Maggie looks over at the untouched beer, reaches over, takes a sip.

Longfellow picks up a napkin, wipes the foam from her upper lip.

LONGFELLOW

So, how is he?

MAGGIE

How is who?

LONGFELLOW

You know who I’m talking about.

Maggie looks off, perturbed.

MAGGIE

What can I tell you, Longfellow? What do you really want to know?

LONGFELLOW

I don’t know. You can start by telling me what you two like to do together.

Maggie gives him a hard look.

MAGGIE

We have great times shaking down pineapple trees together.

Longfellow puts his sandwich down, reacts to this with a stone face.

LONGFELLOW

Pineapples don’t grow on trees.

MAGGIE

Really? I could have sworn–

LONGFELLOW

That’s a pretty cynical way of looking at things.

MAGGIE

Well, I’m a pretty cynical person. Have a drink why don’t you?

Taken back by her hard edge, Longfellow stares at her for a moment.

LONGFELLOW

All right. I will.

Longfellow chugs down the rest of his beer — puts the empty mug down.

The two of them just sit there looking at one another.

A certain something hangs in the air between them.

Finally:

LONGFELLOW

Asmodeus Youngblood.

Maggie averts his gaze.

MAGGIE

Who?

LONGFELLOW

He’s Jonathan’s new friend. He’s living at the Victorian.

Maggie takes out her notebook, scribbles down the name.

MAGGIE

What has Jonathan told you about this… Mr. Youngblood?

LONGFELLOW

Doctor. Dr. Youngblood. If you can believe that.

MAGGIE

Why wouldn’t I believe it?

LONGFELLOW

Because he’s a hippie. A debauched, dissolute, good-for-nothing hippie.

Maggie scribbles.

MAGGIE

How do you know that?

LONGFELLOW

I saw him. Followed him to the Fillmore.

Maggie cracks a smile.

MAGGIE

You — at the Fillmore?

Longfellow takes a long pull on his beer.

LONGFELLOW

He has a key. I don’t even have a key.

MAGGIE

To the Victorian?

LONGFELLOW

To the back cellar door. Jonathan has built some kind of special, state of the art lab for him.

MAGGIE

A lab? Isn’t Jonathan a psychiatric researcher?

LONGFELLOW

A venerated… internationally renowned… psychiatric researcher.

Longfellow takes another deep, long pull.

LONGFELLOW

I’m Jonathan’s best friend, his trusted attorney — you know how close we are.

Maggie looks up from scribbling, gives Longfellow a look.

LONGFELLOW

He’s never said anything about this hippie to me. Alfred totally blindsided me with all this.

MAGGIE

And… you want me to find out what I can about him, this mister — Dr. Youngblood?

LONGFELLOW

He’s sure to have a criminal record of some kind. Who knows… maybe even for… well, murder… it wouldn’t surprise me…

MAGGIE

Just because a suspect has a key to that door doesn’t make him a–

LONGFELLOW

I saw him with one of those flower girls… she had pigtails and was painted all over in DayGlo.

Maggie caps her pen, puts it away.

MAGGIE

Lots of flower girls wear pigtails and paint themselves in DayGlo.

Maggie puts her notebook away.

MAGGIE

I’m sorry to have to ask you this, but are you being real with me?

LONGFELLOW

Totally.

Maggie gets up to leave.

MAGGIE

You know, you’re not such a bad person, Longfellow. If only you weren’t such a dreamer.

Longfellow looks up at her mystified.

LONGFELLOW

You say that like it was a bad thing.

Maggie indicates her sandwich.

MAGGIE

See that Winston gets this.

Longfellow watches her walk away.

LONGFELLOW

Folksinger!

Maggie just keeps walking, her back to him.

MAGGIE

Fascist pig!

Longfellow puts on the fedora, tilts it back.

Stares down at the unfinished beer.

Down the hatch.

EXT. JONATHAN’S VICTORIAN MANSION – DAWN

The rising SUN struggles to peek through a blanket of fog.

Longfellow and Winston stand in the foggy shadows of the stone wall foundation, staring up at the hazy sidewalk above.

Winston lets out a warning growl.

Longfellow quickly shushes him, motions him back deeper into the shadows.

Longfellow squints his eyes, sees a jerky silhouette, listens to the raggedy TAPPING of a cane on concrete.

With the first rays of morning light turning the fog white, Youngblood stumbles into view like a windup toy stuck in slow motion.

He carries a roll of neon painted butcher paper under his arm.

Flecks of DayGlo paint luminesce his nose and fingernails.

The look on his face is one of bemused triumph, like a spent panting dog who won the hunt.

Youngblood approaches the desolate door in the stone wall of Jonathan’s Victorian Mansion, fumbles for his key.

Longfellow steps out of the shadows, confronts him.

LONGFELLOW

Dr. Youngblood? Asmodeus Youngblood?

Youngblood jumps back startled and shocked, drops his KEY.

Winston comes out from behind Longfellow and stands over the key, growls at Youngblood.

Without the slightest concern, Youngblood KICKS Winston, who yelps and takes refuge behind Longfellow.

Anger wells up in Longfellow as he stares at Youngblood, who stands motionless and oblivious, glaring down at Winston.

A little smile cracks at the corner of Youngblood’s lips.

After a moment, he gradually looks up, stares at Longfellow with piercing, cold eyes.

The butcher paper CRINKLES under Youngblood’s clenched arm.

A cruel intensity hangs in the air.

YOUNGBLOOD

How do you know my name?

Longfellow bends down, slowly picks up the KEY.

Takes out a BUSINESS CARD from his pocket.

LONGFELLOW

My name is Longfellow. I am the good doctor’s attorney and — you should know — a good one.

Longfellow offers Youngblood the key, bundled with his business card.

His eyes stay locked on Youngblood, studying his every move.

LONGFELLOW

(slowly)

There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to protect my client.

Youngblood responds to that with a fierce stare, says nothing.

He snatches the key and the business card with his long crusty fingernails.

Peruses the card curiously.

YOUNGBLOOD

Mr. Longfellow. Yes. I’ve heard the good doctor speak of you. I suppose it is a good thing that we meet.

Longfellow raises a curious eyebrow.

Youngblood, not having any pockets, takes off his hat and stashes the business card inside the inner sweat band of the stovepipe hat.

LONGFELLOW

Would you mind stepping over a bit?

Youngblood stares down at his hat, then slowly steps to the side a bit, which brings his rising face into a shaft of light…

… causing the flecks of the DayGlo paint around his nose to fluoresce brightly.

His look is savage, vicious, like he is about to lunge at Longfellow’s throat at any second.

His feral intensity takes Longfellow’s breath away.

YOUNGBLOOD

But tell me, how is it that you know of me… and my personal habits?

The remark catches Longfellow off guard.

Youngblood puts his hat back on askew, enjoys watching Longfellow squirm and his demeanor crack.

LONGFELLOW

Why… uh… the good doctor, of course.

Youngblood brandishes the snake handled crooked stick cane.

His eyes spark fire.

YOUNGBLOOD

That is a lie, sir! The good doctor would never reveal anything personal about my private life!

Youngblood brushes past Longfellow, quickly unlocks the door, goes in and SLAMS it after him.

Longfellow stands in the white fog, listens to the sound of the door LOCKING.

Winston looks up at Longfellow, then barks at the gloomy DOOR.

INT. JONATHAN’S VICTORIAN MANSION – LIVING ROOM – DAY

Longfellow sits in one of two comfortable VICTORIAN CHAIRS with high, richly upholstered backs positioned in front of a grand stone fireplace.

Winston lies at his feet. Alfred prepares the wood for a fire.

ALFRED

I want you to know, Mr. Longfellow… your sense of protocol, your emphasis on appearances, customs, and all the things worth holding on to… have made a deep impression on me and the staff.

LONGFELLOW

There’s no telling if this Dr. Youngblood could be dangerous. Now, don’t hesitate to come see me if you need to talk — day or night.

Alfred lights the fire. It roars to life.

ALFRED

I pray that will not be necessary. I leave it in your hands, Mr. Longfellow.

Alfred walks off, but stops at the doorway, turns back.

ALFRED

There’s something I’ve always wanted to ask you, Mr. Longfellow.

LONGFELLOW

Fire away.

ALFRED

Are you by chance related to the great poet?

Longfellow stares at the fire, contemplates the flames.

LONGFELLOW

Oh, I had a great aunt who very passionately believed there was a family connection of some kind, but I don’t think so. You won’t find any trace of the poet in me.

Longfellow turns around in the chair, smiles at Alfred.

LONGFELLOW

I’m an attorney first and last, Alfred. A man of reason. Business is what interests me.

ALFRED

Well, for a man of reason, you look like you could use a pretty stiff drink.

Longfellow grins.

LONGFELLOW

You know me all too well, Alfred.

Alfred walks over to the bar, prepares the drink.

Longfellow turns back around, stares into the fire. Gets lost in the FLAMES as they flicker and flutter.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen THREE CIRCLES OF CHARACTERS

What I learned from this assignment is how to layer characters and establish them as a resource for future episodes.

3 Circles of Character:

The Americans:

Main Characters Circle:

Phillip Jennings – Russian Spy Dad

Elizabeth Jennings – Russian Spy Mom

Paige Jennings – Innocent Daughter

Henry Jennings – Innocent Son

Connected Circle:

Stan – Neighbor who is an FBI agent

Sandra – Stan’s wife

Colonel Zhukov – Phillip’s Trainer

Agent Mitzi – FBI

Agent Bartholomew – FBI

Deputy Attorney General Warren – FBI

Pasty Bureaucrat – Mysterious Spy

Timoshev – Russian Agent

Helene – Office Secretary

Martha – Witness

Trainer – Elizabeth’s first trainer

Environmental Circle:

Bartender – Phillip’s friend

Rob – Mysterious Spy

Young Man – a Man Timoshev talks to

Chess Player #1 – Friend of Paige

Chess Player #2 – Friend of Paige

Tom – Friend of Paige

*

The Red Ballot:

Main Characters Circle:

Alan Pinkerton – the young, inexperienced Detective, who will be the first to provide a security/detective service across state lines.

Abraham Lincoln – the President-Elect, an eternal optimist who naively thinks all Americans are basically good at heart.

Kate Warner – the First Female Detective, a twenty-five year old widow in need of a job, out to prove that women can make better detectives as they can “worm” their way through relationships and discover secrets men can’t.

Bertolucci the Barber – head of the Knights of the Golden Circle, a secret society committed to promoting slavery among the countries circling the Gulf of Mexico. Their first big job: assassinate the abolitionist President-Elect while transferring between trains in Baltimore.

Connected Circle:

Mary Lincoln – the wife of the President-Elect, who loves politics so much that she would run for office herself — if only she could. At least she can live a political life of sorts vicariously through her husband.

Detective in Baltimore – Pinkerton’s lead spy trying to track down Bertolucci and the KGC.

Lincoln’s Security/Bodyguards – a casual group of retired military officers who are ill equipped to deal with Bertolucci and the KGC. Police Officers had no jurisdiction outside their regions. There was no national police force, no FBI.

New York Chief of Police – searching for the President-Elect so he can protect him from assassination.

Environmental Circle:

PLACEHOLDER:

People of Chicago, Illinois

People of Springfield, Illinois

People of Baltimore, Maryland

[George Petersen]

George Petersen MAX INTEREST PART 1

What I learned from this assignment is weak scenes can be punched up.

SURFING GRANDPA

Scene Logline: Corky attempts to send his first surfing client home without a single lesson.

Scene essence/goal: to get the teenage Slash to commit to Corky as his surfing coach.

EXT. ZIHUATANEJO INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT – PARKING LOT – DAY

Slash tosses his bags into the bed of Corky’s pickup.

Corky clamps Slash’s surfboard onto the mounts on the surfboard roof rack, which extends over the bed of the pickup.

Slash gets in, closes the passenger door.
Corky opens the driver’s door, but doesn’t get in. He gives Slash a look.

CORKY

There’s something I have to ask you first.

SLASH

What?

CORKY

Do you have any weapons of any kind?

SLASH

Huh?

CORKY

You heard me. Are you carrying any weapons? Anything in your bags? We’re not going anywhere until you answer this question.

SLASH
What kind of weapons?

CORKY
I don’t know. Guns… a machete, maybe?

Slash yanks the passenger door open and gets out of the pickup, walks to the front of the truck, stares at Corky in disbelief over the hood.

The doors of the pickup hang open.

SLASH
You are one sick dude.

CORKY
It’s not exactly like you came down here with a clean slate, you know. You broke Conan’s nose. How do I know you won’t break mine?

(FEAR OF BETRAYAL)

SLASH
That was an accident.

CORKY

An accident!

SLASH
I wasn’t trying to break his nose. I just wanted to punch him.

CORKY

Answer my question!

SLASH
I don’t need to tell you anything. I don’t owe you anything.
Corky slams his hand down on the hood in frustration.

CORKY
You want me to put you on the return flight to LA? Because I will, you know. If that’s what you really want.

Slash doesn’t say anything. They stand glaring at each other over the hood.

(UNCERTAINTY)

CORKY (cont’d)

Course, you’ll be missing out on the best left in the world. But what does that matter to a gremmie like you?

(SURPRISE)

Slash looks at Corky sideways with suspicion.

SLASH

You’re a goofy foot?

CORKY

Yeah… so what?

SLASH

I’m a goofy foot.

(MAJOR TWIST – CORKY DOESN’T EXPECT THEM TO HAVE ANYTHING IN COMMON, DESPITE THE FACT THAT HE KNOWS – DEEPER LEVEL – THAT SLASH IS HIS GRANDSON)

This seems to hit Corky from left field. He didn’t see it coming.

SLASH (cont’d)
This left… this is really the best left in the world?

CORKY
It’s a goofy foot’s dream. Complete paradise.
Slash chews on that for a moment.

SLASH
You better not be making this up.

CORKY
Why would I make it up? I’m trying to send you home.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen KEY BUSINESS DECISIONS

What I learned doing this assignment is the business aspects of a script should be addressed before writing it.

Give us the decisions that are in your current High Budget script:

Genre – Thriller

Title – Demoniac

Concept – A married Art History Ph.D., recently graduated and drowning in debt, gets a call from the Devil offering him a job — if he will buy an illegal handgun and learn how to use it. But job security with the Devil comes at a price.

Audience – Over 25, male and female

Budget – $2 million

Lead Characters:

Harry: an Art History Ph.D. desperate for a job.

Mephisto: The Devil as a headhunter.

Journey / Character Arc:

Harry goes from passive unemployed college grad to Mephisto’s greatest challenge.

Opening – Lacking confidence, Harry nervously starts his job hunting in the big city.

Ending – Harry stands up to Mephisto but pays the ultimate price.

Tell us which of those decisions you could improve to make your script more marketable.

Reduce the budget to $1 million.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen NEW OUTLINE BEATS!

My Vision is to direct one of my screenplays as a low-budget indie feature.

What I learned from this assignment is it’s a lot more fun working a beat sheet backwards than forward.

The Summer of Haight

Genre: Thriller

ACT 1: Story Goal: To introduce the inexplicable problem of the will

INCITING INCIDENT: Jonathan inexplicably commands Longfellow to draw up a will leaving all his wealth to a good-for-nothing hippie no one has ever heard of.

Longfellow PJ1: Longfellow solemnly promises never to interfere with the will, understanding that it would end his friendship with Jonathan forever.

Longfellow PJ2: Not able to endure the mystery anymore, Longfellow wants answers and breaks his promise and follows Youngblood on one of his escapades into the Haight-Ashbury, risking his friendship with Jonathan, which means more to him than anything.

Youngblood AJ1: Youngblood introduces himself to the story as a hippie who feels liberated to indulge himself in insatiable self-gratification on an insane level, without limits.

Longfellow PJ3: Longfellow confronts Youngblood, threatens him with legal action if he harms Jonathan in any way.

Deeper Level: Longfellow has no idea that Youngblood is an expression of Jonathan’s dark side.

TURNING POINT 1: Youngblood presents his personal key to the back door of Jonathan’s mansion. He has a right to be here. Back off.

ACT 2: Story Goal: to transfer Jonathan’s wealth to Youngblood.

Longfellow PJ4: Longfellow presents a passionate report to Jonathan on the out of this world craziness of Youngblood.

Jonathan Triangle 1: Jonathan explodes at Longfellow for investigating Youngblood.

Longfellow PJ5: Longfellow presents the will to Jonathan for his signature. It’s final.

Jonathan Triangle 2: Jonathan breaks off his friendship with Longfellow.

Longfellow PJ6: Longfellow goes into a deep depression over the loss of his beloved friendship.

INCITING INCIDENT: Jonathan inexplicably disappears, kicking off the timer for the 100 day disappearance clause in the will.

Youngblood AJ2: Youngblood demands that Longfellow execute the will.

PLACEHOLDER: it gets ugly between Longfellow and Youngblood.

Longfellow PJ7: IRONY: making one last gasp effort, Longfellow goes against Jonathan’s last wishes and disputes the will in a behind the doors arbitration, but is told, to his horror, that it is his friendship with Jonathan that makes the will irrevocable and credible.

Youngblood AJ3: Youngblood forces Longfellow to execute the will.

Longfellow PJ8: Jonathan’s “disappearance” is finalized and confirmed > Longfellow takes the will to Youngblood for his signature. Longfellow is a broken man.

TURNING POINT 2: Youngblood inherits Jonathan’s wealth lock, stock and barrel.

Longfellow PJ9: Longfellow sinks into a deep depression.

Deeper Level: Longfellow has no idea that Youngblood is an expression of Jonathan’s dark side.

ACT 3: Story Goal: to execute the plan with a Haight-Ashbury photographer to capture Youngblood red-handed.

Longfellow PJ10: determined to get back at Youngblood and with the aid of a photographer who hangs out in the Haight, Longfellow puts together a plan to capture Youngblood red-handed in the act of murder.

TURNING POINT 3: but a thick blanket of fog rolls in at the worst time; the plans fails miserably, ending in the photographer getting killed by Youngblood.

Longfellow PJ11: Longfellow sinks to the lower depths. All is lost.

ACT 4: Story Goal: to coordinate with the entire police force in a plan to capture Youngblood red-handed.

Longfellow PJ12: The detective shows up with new evidence, offers to help Longfellow.

Longfellow PJ13: Longfellow makes the case to the department: The stimulating environment will be too much for Youngblood to resist.

Climax: Longfellow coordinates a plan with the full police department to catch the hippie red-handed at the Be-In.

Youngblood AJ4: sure enough, at the the Be-In, the desire to kill for pleasure is irresistible once again.

Youngblood AJ5: Youngblood is caught in the act of killing by Longfellow.

Longfellow PJ14: Longfellow leads the chase across the city to capture Youngblood.

IRONIC DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Metamorphosis: Longfellow is faced with the reality that in killing Youngblood in an effort to protect Jonathan, he has in fact killed Jonathan, his best friend.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen SPECIALTY – THRILLER

What I learned doing this assignment is the importance of modeling from successful screenplays.

Genre: Thriller

Title: The Third Man

How it delivered on the genre conventions:

PURPOSE: To thrill your audience with high stakes, plot twists, and suspense that never lets up until the adrenalin packed climax.

High Stakes: Holly’s life is in danger, implied through the scowling faces that watch him.

Plot twists: a person whose funeral you just attended shows up alive.

Suspense: will Harry be caught or will Holly be killed.

LIFE AND DEATH SITUATIONS. They face danger at every step — either physically, emotionally, or mentally. The hero needs to either be in danger or there is the implication of future danger.

The danger to Holly is that his silence will be achieved through]his murder.

MYSTERY/INTRIGUE/SUSPENSE: There’s a mystery that must be solved in order to survive. Intrigue is the underhanded and covert Villain’s

plan. Suspense comes from the danger the Hero faces.

Mystery: who was the third man at the scene of Harry’s death? Was it Harry himself?

HERO: Unknowing, unwitting, but resourceful hero

Holly is an amateur, a Western pulp novelist. He has no idea how Harry died. But he has a strong curiosity that drives his detective spirit.

VILLAIN: Dangerous, devious, and unrelenting. Committed to destroy anyone who gets in their way.

For Harry, it’s all about the money. So what if some kids die. War is hell, after all. Would he kill his best friend — maybe.

MAIN EMOTIONS: Suspense, intrigue, mystery, tension, anticipation, uncertainty, and surprise.

Suspense: will Holly be killed by the supposed friends of Harry?

Intrigue: the extent of Harry’s black market scheme to rob the children of Vienna of their life saving penicillin.

Mystery: how did Harry die?

Tension: the cryptic answers Holly gets to direct questions.

Anticipation: will Harry show up for the meeting with Holly?

Uncertainty: will Harry be caught?

Surprise: Harry is alive!

Outline of the movie, highlighting the parts that fulfill the genre:

THE THIRD MAN

Opening: Holly attends Harry’s funeral.

Inciting Incident: the accounts of Harry’s death don’t add up. MYSTERY

Holly pursues his investigation into the mysterious circumstances of Harry’s death.

DECEPTION: Turning Point: Holly learns that Harry faked his own death to avoid punishment for selling stolen and watered-down penicillin.

Deeper Level: Harry has been hiding in the city’s sewer system.

Midpoint/Low Point: Holly is devastated to learn of Harry’s moral decline.

Holly meets Harry at a Ferris wheel.

Holly learns that Harry has no remorse for his actions. Holly is torn between being loyal to his friend and doing what’s right.

Holly decides to go home. On the way to the airport —

Turning Point: Calloway gives Holly a tour of the hospital wing where children have died because of Harry’s selfish actions.

Climax:

Holly changes his mind, decides to become part of a sting plot to catch Harry, wherein he agrees to act as bait to catch Harry at a cafe.

Harry escapes the cafe sting.

Holly joins the police in the chase through the sewers.

Resolution:

Holly kills Harry.

*

Genre: Thriller

Title: Chinatown

How it delivered on the genre conventions:

PURPOSE: To thrill your audience with high stakes, plot twists, and suspense that never lets up until the adrenalin packed climax.

High Stakes: Jake gets his nose sliced open. His life threatened.

Plot Twists: Katherine is not the lover, she’s the daughter.

Suspense: what is going on with the water? Who was the first woman who hired Jake?

LIFE AND DEATH SITUATIONS. They face danger at every step — either physically, emotionally, or mentally. The hero needs to either be in danger or there is the implication of future danger.

Jake gets sliced, attacked and senses the threat to his life from Cross and his henchmen.

MYSTERY/INTRIGUE/SUSPENSE: There’s a mystery that must be solved in order to survive. Intrigue is the underhanded and covert Villain’s

plan. Suspense comes from the danger the Hero faces.

The Intrigue is Cross’ plan to steal the water from the farmers.

The mystery is where is all the water going?

HERO: Unknowing, unwitting, but resourceful hero

Jake doesn’t know what’s happening but he is the unrelenting detective.

VILLAIN: Dangerous, devious, and unrelenting. Committed to destroy anyone who gets in their way.

Cross is a murderer, capable of killing again.

MAIN EMOTIONS: Suspense, intrigue, mystery, tension, anticipation, uncertainty, and surprise.

Suspense: will Jake be killed?

Intrigue: what is Cross’ plan for the water?

Mystery: where is the water going? Who first hired Jake?

Tension: Jake gets washed away down the waterway.

Anticipation: how will Jake save Evelyn from the police?

Uncertainty: will Jake’s plan to save Evelyn and Katherine from the police really work?

Surprise: Katherine is the daughter of her father.

Outline of the movie, highlighting the parts that fulfill the genre:

Opening: Jake comforts Curly

Inciting Incident: Jake gets hired

Jake investigates

Turning Point 1: Jake gets his nose sliced

Cross feeds Jake misinformation that Evelyn was jealous of Katherine.

Deeper Level: Katherine is Evelyn’s daughter, not her husband’s lover.

Jake discovers the scheme of buying up the land in the valley.

Turning Point 2: the fake Mrs. Mulwray is found dead and now Jake is in the hot seat for trying to protect Evelyn, who is obviously the murderer.

Jake pursues Cross’ misinformation that Katherine was the lover of Evelyn’s husband as though it were fact. Since the subjective camera identifies with Jake, the audience goes down this road with him.

Turning Point 3: Reversal: Jake discovers who owns the glasses > Cross is the killer, not Evelyn.

Jake tries to save Evelyn and Katherine despite the fact that he was the one who set everything in motion.

Resolution: Evelyn dies.

[George Petersen]

Hi, my name is George Petersen and I’ve written 5 scripts.

I was a professional photographer/videographer for 25 years.

Looking forward to learning something meaningful about television writing.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen 5 STAR MODEL

What I learned is binge shows can be complex like movies

THE AMERICANS

The big hook:

The bland next door married couple are actually Russian spies.

Amazing and Intriguing Character:

The hero and heroine are dedicated Russian spies who discuss what to do with the man locked in the trunk with the same lack of affect that they discuss what’s for dinner.

The couple struggle with raising their children but at the same time are highly capable of killing a man with their bare hands.

Empathy / Distress:

The couple endure the stress of spying while carrying out the duties of domestic family life.

Elizabeth was raped at 18 by her superior.

Their children are not very understanding of their parent’s problems.

Phillip has a hidden knife wound.

They can’t be themselves because that might lead to a slip up of their true identity. They must be acting their part 24/7.

Layers / Open Loops

Will the FBI neighbor discover what the hero is up to?

Will the hero be caught?

Will the daughter go off the deep end?

Will the son gain confidence?

Will the parents be there for their children?

Inviting Obsession

Will their marriage succeed?

Will Stan catch them in the act?

Who is the Pasty Bureaucrat? Will he remain attracted to Elizabeth?

Will the couple defect and cash in millions or remain loyal to Russia? (Would the Loyal to Russia angle play out today?)

[George Petersen]

George Petersen PROFILES PEOPLE

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is paying attention to the traits of people around me.

Person 1

Nurturing

Loving

Controlling

Manipulative

Person 2

Enthusiastic

Generous

Scheming

Sabotaging

Person 3

Loyal

Humorous

Charming

Paranoid

All three were unchanged

[George Petersen]

George Petersen BEAT SHEET DRAFT 1

My Vision is to direct one of my screenplays as a low-budget indie feature

What I learned from this assignment is character drives plot

The Summer of Haight

Genre: Thriller

ACT 1: Story Goal: To introduce the inexplicable problem of the will

INCITING INCIDENT: Jonathan inexplicably commands Longfellow to draw up a will leaving all his wealth to a good-for-nothing hippie no one has ever heard of.

Longfellow PJ1: Longfellow solemnly promises never to interfere with the will, understanding that it would end his friendship with Jonathan forever.

TURNING POINT 1: Not able to endure the mystery anymore, Longfellow wants answers and breaks his promise and follows Youngblood on one of his escapades into the Haight-Ashbury, risking his friendship with Jonathan, which means more to him than anything.

Youngblood AJ 1: Youngblood introduces himself as a hippie who feels liberated to indulge himself in insatiable self-gratification on an insane level, without limits.

Longfellow PJ2: Longfellow confronts Youngblood, threatens him with legal action if he harms Jonathan in any way.

Deeper Level: Longfellow has no idea that Youngblood is an expression of Jonathan’s dark side.

Youngblood AJ 2: Youngblood presents his personal key to the back door of Jonathan’s mansion. He has a right to be here. Back off.

ACT 2: Story Goal: to transfer Jonathan’s wealth to Youngblood

Longfellow PJ3: Longfellow presents a passionate report to Jonathan on the out of this world craziness of Youngblood.

Jonathan Triangle 1: Jonathan explodes at Longfellow for investigating Youngblood.

Longfellow PJ4: Longfellow presents the will to Jonathan for his signature. It’s final.

Jonathan Triangle 2: Jonathan breaks off his friendship with Longfellow.

Longfellow PJ5: Longfellow goes into a deep depression over the loss of his beloved friendship.

INCITING INCIDENT: Jonathan disappears, kicking off the timer for the 100 day disappearance clause in the will.

Youngblood AJ3: Youngblood demands that Longfellow execute the will

Longfellow PJ6: Going against Jonathan’s wishes, Longfellow disputes the will, but is told that his friendship with Jonathan makes the will irrevocable and credible.

Youngblood AJ4: Youngblood forces Longfellow to execute the will.

TURNING POINT 2: after Jonathan’s “disappearance,” Youngblood inherits the Jonathan’s wealth lock, stock and barrel.

Longfellow PJ7: Longfellow sinks into a deeper depression.

Deeper Level: Longfellow has no idea that Youngblood is an expression of Jonathan’s dark side.

ACT 3: Story Goal: to execute the plan with the photographer to capture Youngblood red-handed

Longfellow PJ8: determined to get back at Youngblood and with the aid of a photographer who hangs out in the Haight, Longfellow puts together a plan to capture Youngblood red-handed in the act of murder.

TURNING POINT 3: the plans fails miserably, ending in the photographer getting killed.

ACT 4: Story Goal: to coordinate with the entire police force in a plan to capture Youngblood red-handed

Climax: Longfellow coordinates a plan with the full police department to catch the hippie red-handed at the Be-In

Youngblood AJ5: the desire to kill for pleasure is irresistible once again.

Longfellow PJ9: Longfellow leads the chase across the city to capture Youngblood.

IRONIC DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Longfellow is faced with the reality that in killing Youngblood in an effort to protect Jonathan, he has in fact killed Jonathan, his best friend.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen DEEPER LAYER!

My Vision is to direct one of my screenplays as a low-budget indie feature

What I learned is getting a better handle on what drives a character leads to a more naturally evolving plot.

Surface Layer: the scientist inexplicably commands his attorney to draw up a will leaving all his wealth to a good-for-nothing hippie no one has ever heard of.

Deeper Layer: the hippie is actually an expression of the scientist’s dark side.

Major Reveal: the big reveal comes in the final scene when the attorney stands triumphantly over the dying hippie’s body. At that moment, the hippie undergoes a metamorphosis into the scientist. The new reality is that the attorney has just killed his best friend.

Influences Surface Story: the scientist carries a deep secret that the hippie is an expression of his dark side, a kind of doppelgänger of evil. (In this version of the classic story, he’s not a true doppelgänger because he’s not really a different person; he’s a double but not really.) The scientist insists on the will so that his wealth will be transferred to his doppelgänger just in case he gets stuck on the other side. Of course, this makes no sense to everyone else in the story. And the attorney decides to uncover the truth, no matter the cost.

Hints: the scientist and the hippie are never in the same scene. Something is going on between Alfred and the drug dealer, Cowboy, concerning a rare drug from Nevada that is no longer available.

The scientist seems a little too interested in the attorney’s reports on the progress the police investigation is making.

Changes Reality: the attorney, in his efforts to destroy the hippie and “save” his best friend, ends up killing and destroying his best friend.

*

Beginning:

Inciting Incident: the scientist inexplicably commands his attorney to draw up a will leaving all his wealth to a good-for-nothing hippie no one has ever heard of. Furthermore, the scientist makes the attorney promise solemnly never to interfere in this matter. To do so will end their friendship forever.

Turning Point 1: the attorney, not able to take it anymore, breaks his promise and follows the hippie in one of his escapades into the Haight-Ashbury. No going back now.

Act 2:

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: after the scientist’s “disappearance,” the hippie inherits the scientist’s wealth lock, stock and barrel. This drives the attorney crazy to no end.

Act 3:

The attorney, with the aid of a photographer who hangs out in the Haight, puts together a plan to capture the hippie red-handed in the act of murder. In this way, the attorney plans to find out where the hippie has been hiding his friend, the scientist. As well as put the hippie away for life.

Turning Point 3: the plans fails miserably, ending in the photographer getting killed.

Act 4 Climax: the attorney coordinates a plan with the full police department to catch the hippie red-handed at the Be-In. The attorney and the police force, disguised in hippie garb, manage to find the hippie in the act of committing murder — and the chase across the city is on.

Resolution: the attorney, in his efforts to destroy the hippie and “save” his best friend, ends up killing and destroying his best friend.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen CREDIBILITY IS GOING UP!

What I learned is credibility can always be improved – keep looking forward

CREDIBILITY CHECKLIST

3 Recommends for Mrs. McGuire’s Christmas Spirit: Bulletproof, The Script Lab, Extreme Screenwriting.

3 Recommends for Surfing Grandpa: Bulletproof, The Script Lab, Extreme Screenwriting.

Both scripts deliver as Family/Drama (genre)

Screenwriting Accomplishments:

Best Short – Table Read My Screenplay

Best Short – Fade In Awards

80 screenplay placements listed on IMDb Pro

Google factor: Link to Coverfly.com and IMDbPro.com

M.A. in Film and TV, emphasis on screenwriting: San Diego State University

Selected for special summer filmmaking session at U.C.L.A.

Studied photography under a special Profession Photographer’s of America sponsored summer session with Arnold Newman

Studied acting in special summer sessions with Howard Hesseman and Clu Gulagar

Worked as an assistant director and assistant editor at Paulist Productions

Owner and operator of my own photography/videography company for 25 years – portrait and commercial

Produced stock footage for Universal Television

Taught motion picture production techniques in university extension programs at St. Mary’s College of California and U.C.S.D.

Was the first screenwriting book reviewer for Creative Screenwriting Magazine

Other things to do:

Take more ScreenwritingU courses

I’ve cancelled all other projects in order to focus on ScreenwritingU courses

Things to do in the next 30 days:

Catch up on the ScreenwritingU classes I’m taking now

[George Petersen]

George Petersen- Puts Essence to Work

What I learned is finding the essence of a scene is not easy but also not impossible.

Script I choose: Demoniac

Scene 1 Location: Midpoint/Low Point
Logline: The Devil kills Dr. Stein simply by talking to him over the phone
Essence I’ve discovered: The Devil can kill with words. Phone or no phone.
New Logline: The Devil kills Dr. Stein by talking to him over the phone. Harry destroys the phone. The Devil then speaks to Harry through an African face mask that is displayed on the wall.

Scene 2 Location: 3rd Act Turning Point
Logline: The Mook kills the Security Guard at the subway station while Harry watches helplessly
Essence I’ve discovered: to show how the Devil’s henchman works with impunity
New Logline: The Mook stabs the Security Guard, who mouths parting words of warning to Harry as he passes by in the subway car.

Scene 3 Location: Act 2
Logline: The Police tell Harry to stay away from the Archbishop or else.
Essence I’ve discovered: to show how the Devil has sabotage d Harry’s plea for help.
New Logline: The Police tell Harry to stay away from the Archbishop or else. Then the Policeman unsnaps the holster of his revolver.

Scene 4 Location: Climax
Logline: As Harry walks away, the Mook shoots him in the back.
Essence I’ve discovered: to show how the Devil’s henchman works with impunity.
New Logline: As Harry walks away, the Mook shoots him in the back. As the crowd of onlookers creep closer to Harry, the Mook slips away.

Scene 5 Location: Act 4
Logline: Harry says good-bye to Julia and Sam over the phone
Essence I’ve discovered: to show the depth of feeling Harry has for his family.
New Logline: Harry says good-bye to Julia and Sam over the phone, he watches a silent home video of them in better times

[George Petersen]

George Petersen HIGH SPEED BEAT SHEET

What I learned from this assignment is this: if I deny myself the opportunity to proof read, I work faster.

Surfing Grandpa

Act 1:

EXT. SHORELINE – DAY

Opening:

Corky struggles with his medical limitations — will he ever surf again?

He demonstrates an unusual fear of the water.

A surfer who fears the water?

INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE – DAY

First doctor visit: We learn of Corky’s diagnosis – Broken Heart Syndrome, the result of a surfing trauma, is not a matter of life and death. No permanent heart damage. It’s temporary. Still, he needs to take it easy for awhile. No surfing for now. Take your medication.

INT. CORKY’S CASA – KITCHEN – DAY

THE DREAM: Raquel expresses hope for their new surf coaching business. Corky will train, teach. She will cook and maintain the house for clients. They’ll be a team, build a retirement income together. There is no retirement income for professional surfers.

INT. DOWNTOWN SURF SHOP – DAY

Inciting Incident:

Corky gets a call from Clint, who asks Corky to take on Slash as his first client — with the restriction that he doesn’t tell Slash under any circumstances that he is his grandfather. All hell will break loose if the Reverend finds out.

PLACEHOLDER: The negotiations and arrangements for Slash to be Corky’s first surf coaching client.

EXT. AIRPORT – CUSTOMS – DAY

Turns out, Slash doesn’t know much about the true nature of surfing or anything else.

EXT. AIRPORT PARKING LOT – DAY

Big blowout. Slash demands to be put back on a plane home. But then —

Slash learns that Corky’s coaching revolves around one of the best left breaking waves in the world. A goofy-foot’s dream. Wait — Slash is a goofy-foot too.

EXT. ROADS TO THE JUNGLE – DAY

Turning Point:

Corky takes Slash into the isolated tropical world. No going back to the real world now.

Act 2:

INT. CORKY’S CASA – DAY

Slash meets Raquel.

EXT. NOAH’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Slash meets Noah, Corky’s neighbor.

EXT. THE BEACH – DAY

Corky tries to teach Slash professional surfing techniques. The result: a series of surf lessons that end in chaos

The Big Local attacks Slash for cutting in.

INT. HOSPITAL

Corky takes Slash to the hospital, where Corky learns that there’s more to life than just surfing.

INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE – DAY

Corky get the OK to surf again. Easy does it.

EXT. THE BEACH – DAY

Midpoint Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift:

Slash learns that Corky is his grandfather.

Corky feels the pain of a relationship that never was.

Act 3:

Rethink everything

PLACEHOLDERS:

New plan – instead of focusing on surfing technique, a more psychological, emotional approach will be taken involving Noah’s dog,

Raquel’s grandmother and

a family celebration

INT. SURF SHOP – DAY

Clint calls Corky: The Reverend (Slash’s other grandfather) has found out what’s going on and has decided to make the trip down himself and take Slash away — it’s over. All is lost.

EXT. AIRPORT – DAY

Turning Point: Another Huge failure / Major shift:

Corky intercepts the Reverend at the airport

Confronts him, stands up for his grandson.

Act 4:

EXT. THE BEACH – DAY

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict:

With Slash’s help, Corky gets back into it, masters the big wave

Resolution:

As they say their goodbyes at the airport, Corky and Slash bond as grandfather and grandson

[George Petersen]

George Petersen CHARACTER STRUCTURE

My Vision is to direct one of my screenplays as a low-budget indie feature

What I learned from this assignment is… well, first there was the story structure, then there was scene structure, and now, character structure. I never saw it coming.

*

Longfellow – the attorney / Protagonist

Beginning: the attorney attends a housewarming party for the scientist’s lavishly restored Victorian mansion. He isby the book. Deferring. Passive. Unable to challenge. But charming.

Inciting Incident: acquiescing to his friend, the attorney agrees, against his better judgement, to draw up a new will leaving the scientist’s entire fortune to a no-good hippie no one has ever heard of. Furthermore, the attorney makes a solemn promise not to investigate the hippie in any way.

1st Turning Point: after some soul-searching, the attorney secretly breaks his solemn promise to the scientist and surreptitiously follows the hippie into the Haight-Ashbury

Act 2:

The attorney confronts the scientist with his concerns about the strange behavior of the hippie.

2nd Inciting Incident – when the scientist mysteriously disappears, the attorney makes a risky move to stop the hippie from inheriting the estate. When the attorney challenges the will he is told that his status as the scientist’s best friend makes the will irrevocable. After all, why would the scientist lie to his best friend? Bitter irony. The effort fails.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: the hippie inherits the estate lock stock and barrel. The attorney burns, watches the transition, helpless to stop it.

Act 3:

3rd Inciting Incident – another flower girl is murdered

Getting a bit more aggressive, the attorney puts together a plan to catch the hippie red-handed and expose him as the unknown serial killer. Going out on a limb, the attorney engages a debauched photographer as his dubious partner.

Turning Point 3: The attorney now has to face the failure of the plan, which ends with the death of the photographer. But he does retrieve a piece of evidence that proves that the hippie is the serial killer. Now he thinks he has solved the mystery.

Act 4 Climax:

The newly assertive attorney coordinates the entire police force in their undercover attempt to catch the hippie red-handed at the Be-In.

The attorney successfully catches the hippie in the act of killing an innocent bystander, but the hippie escapes and the attorney leads the chase across the city.

Resolution: The attorney experiences the metamorphosis firsthand and is forced to face the truth

*

Youngblood – the hippie / Antagonist

Beginning: the hippie enjoys himself at the Fillmore. He’s loud, extreme, the life of the party

Inciting Incident: the hippie confronts the attorney at the cellar door. The hippie is aloof, cryptic and measured.

Turning Point 1: Outsmarting the attorney, the hippie kills a flower girl and gets away with it

Act 2:

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: the hippie triumphantly inherits the vast estate

Act 3:

The hippie throws a wild party trashing the mansion while the attorney watches helplessly across the street

Turning Point 3: the hippie kills the photographer

Act 4 Climax:

The hippie is chased by the attorney and the police force across the city

Resolution: shot by the attorney, the hippie briefly undergoes a metamorphosis, then returns to his hippie state

[George Petersen]

George Petersen

I’ve written about 5 scripts. I’m hoping to learn more about the opportunities of non-credited rewrites.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen PROJECTS AND INSIGHTS

Project: Mrs. McGuire’s Christmas Spirit

Most of the action takes place in a moving car so I’m placing the budget at $1 – $5 million

Project: Demoniac

Most of the action takes place on a subway car and city streets so I’m placing the budge at $1 million

I found the audio very interesting and enlightening. It seems that the mental attitude is essential for success. It sure would be nice if there were an entry into the industry that was a bit more accessible.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen PROJECTS AND INSIGHTS

Project: Mrs. McGuire’s Christmas Spirit

Most of the action takes place in a moving car so I’m placing the budget at $1 – $5 million

Project: Demoniac

Most of the action takes place on a subway car and city streets so I’m placing the budge at $1 million

I found the audio very interesting and enlightening. It seems that the mental attitude is essential for success. It sure would be nice if there were an entry into the industry that was a bit more accessible.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen. I’ve written about 5 scripts. I hope to increase the quality of my writing.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen – Find the Essence

What I learned is that every scene has an essence, a main purpose, a core connection to the plot. If it doesn’t, it’s not a scene.

Chinatown:

Scene 1

Location: EXT. MULWRAY HOME – DUSK

by the pond, cigarette smoke drifts INTO SHOT. A car pulls up. In a moment Cross can be SEEN, looking TOWARD CAMERA.

Logline: Gittes presents evidence, the glasses, which proves that Cross is guilty of murder.

Essence: Gittes proving Cross’ guilt is the essence, but it’s always been a problem scene for me because it presents Gittes as not that smart: why was it necessary to present the evidence to Cross in person and what did Gittes think Cross was going to do when faced with prison? Nothing? Mulvihill walking into the scene at the end seems too easy. Makes me wonder if this scene was inserted or modified to satisfy the director’s ending.

Scene 2

Location: EXT. BUNGALOW-HOUSE – ADELAIDE DRIVE

Gittes pulls up in Mulwray’s Buick. He hurries to the front door, pounds on it. The Chinese servant answers the door.

Logline: Evelyn tells Gittes that Katherine is her sister and daughter.

Essence: Evelyn tells Gittes that the glasses were not Hollis’ shifting the ownership to Cross, which makes him guilty of murder

Scene 3

Location: INT. MULWRAY BEDROOM – TELEPHONE

on a nightstand, city lights visible through the open window behind it. It is RINGING.

Logline: Evelyn gets a call to come to Katherine’s assistance, now.

Essence: Gittes can now kick out the taillight and follow Evelyn to Katherine.

Scene 4

Location: INT. GITTES’ OFFICE
Gittes comes bursting in, slapping a newspapers on his thigh.

Logline: Evelyn asks Gittes if he’s ever seen her before.

Essence: Evelyn’s attorney hands the summons to Gittes. He’s getting sued. Stakes raised.

Scene 5

Location: EXT. COURTYARD VERANDA – GITTES & CROSS AT BREAKFAST

Logline: Cross hires Gittes to find Katherine

Essence: Cross plants the misdirection that Katherine is Hollis’ girlfriend.

Most profound essence: Scene 2

Logline: Evelyn tells Gittes that Katherine is her sister and daughter.

Essence: Evelyn tells Gittes that the glasses were not Hollis’ shifting the ownership to Cross, which makes him guilty of murder.

Although the incestuous relationship is a shock after the delivered misdirection from Cross, I believe the essence of the scene is the revelation that Hollis didn’t wear bifocals as that immediately pinned the murder on Cross without saying it in the dialogue.

Gittes looks at her — then takes the handkerchief out Of his breast pocket — unfolds it on a coffee table, revealing the bifocal glasses, one lens still intact.

Evelyn stares dumbly at them.

GITTES
I found these in your backyard —

in your fish pond. They belonged to your husband, didn’t they?… didn’t they?

EVELYN
I don’t know. I mean yes, probably.

GITTES
— yes positively. That’s where he

was drowned…

EVELYN

What are you saying?

GITTES

There’s no time for you to be shocked

by the truth, Mrs. Mulwray. The coroner’s report proves he was killed in salt water. Just take my word for it. Now I want to know how it happened and why. I want to know before Escobar gets here because I want to hang
onto my license.

EVELYN
— I don’t know what you’re talking

about. This is the most insane… the craziest thing I ever…

Gittes has been in a state of near frenzy himself. gets up, shakes her.

Stop it!

GITTES

(MORE)

110.

Evelyn is

GITTES (CONT’D)
– I’ll make it easy. –You were

jealous, you fought, he fell, hit his head — it was an accident — but his girl is a witness. You’ve had to pay her off. You don’t have the stomach to harm her, but you’ve got the money to shut her up. Yes or no?

EVELYN

… no…

GITTES

Who is she? And don’t give me that

crap about it being your sister. You don’t have a sister.

trembling.

EVELYN
I’ll tell you the truth…

Gittes smiles.

GITTES
That’s good. Now what’s her name?

EVELYN — Katherine.

GITTES Katherine?… Katherine who?

EVELYN — she’s my daughter.

Gittes stares at her. He’s been charged with anger and when Evelyn says this it explodes. He hits her full in the face. Evelyn stares back at him. The blow has forced tears from her eyes, but she makes no move, not even to defend herself.

GITTES

I said the truth!

EVELYN
— she’s my sister —

Gittes slaps her again.

EVELYN

(continuing)

— she’s my daughter. Gittes slaps her again.

111.

EVELYN

(continuing)

— my sister. He hits her again.

EVELYN

(continuing)

My daughter, my sister —

He belts her finally, knocking her into a cheap Chinese vase which shatters and she collapses on the sofa, sobbing.

Kyo comes

GITTES
I said I want the truth.

EVELYN

(almost screaming it)

She’s my sister and my daughter! running down the stairs.

EVELYN

(continuing; in Chinese)

For God’s sake, Kyo, keep her

upstairs, go back!

Kyo turns after staring at Gittes for a moment then goes back upstairs.

EVELYN

(continuing)

— my father and I, understand, or is it too tough for you?

Gittes doesn’t answer.

She nods.

EVELYN

(continuing)

… he had a breakdown… the dam broke… my mother died… he became a little boy… I was fifteen…
he’d ask me what to eat for breakfast, what clothes to wear!… It happened… then I ran away…

GITTES to Mexico…

112.

EVELYN
Hollis came and took… care of me…

after she was born… he said… he took care of her… I couldn’t see her… I wanted to but I couldn’t… I just want to see her once in a while… take care of her… that’s all… but I don’t want her to know… I don’t want her to know…

GITTES
… so that’s why you hate him…

Evelyn looks slowly up at Gittes.

EVELYN
— no… for turning his back on me

after it happened! He couldn’t face it…

(weeping) I hate him.

Gittes suddenly feels the need to loosen his tie.

GITTES
— yeah… where are you taking her

now?

EVELYN Back to Mexico.

GITTES
You can’t go by train. Escobar’ll be

looking for you everywhere.

EVELYN

How about a plane?

GITTES
That’s worse… Just get out of here —

walk out, leave everything.

EVELYN
I have to go home and get my things —

GITTES
— I’ll take care of it.

EVELYN

Where can we go?

GITTES …where does Kyo live?

— with us.

EVELYN

113.

GITTES
On his day off. Get the exact address.

EVELYN

— okay… She stops suddenly.

EVELYN
Those didn’t belong to Hollis.

For a moment Gittes doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Then he follows her gaze to the glasses lying on his handkerchief.

GITTES

How do you know?

EVELYN
He didn’t wear bifocals.

Gittes picks up the glasses, stares at the lens, is momentarily lost in them.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen SUPPORTING CHARACTERS

My Vision is to direct one of my screenplays as a low-budget indie feature

What I learned from this assignment is a supporting character better have a purpose or else

Support 1:

Name: Maggie

Role: Detective

Main purpose: to support and hinder Longfellow’s investigation of Youngblood.

Value: to serve both as Longfellow’s lost love interest and as an agent that follows through on Longfellow’s amateur investigation of Youngblood

Support 2:

Name: Alfred

Role: Butler

Main purpose: to keep Longfellow informed of what Youngblood is up at the mansion

Value: to communicate the distress that Youngblood is putting the staff through at the mansion as well as the source of Jonathan’s drugs in the Haight (Cowboy)

Support 3:

Name: Charlie

Role: Crazy Hippie

Main purpose: to organize and implement a trap to catch Youngblood red-handed in the act of murder

Value: to show the viciousness of Youngblood’s murders

Background 1:

Name: Cowboy

Role: Drug Dealer

Main purpose: to show Jonathan’s dealings with the drug world

Value: to show the distress Jonathan was under when the supply of the illusive drug he was seeking went sideways

[George Petersen]

George Petersen CHARACTER PROFILES PART 2

My Vision is to direct one of my screenplays as a low-budget indie feature

What I learned from this assignment is that a lot goes into a character before you write about them

LONGFELLOW. Protagonist

The High Concept.

Longfellow is an attorney who believes in following the law no matter what it costs him personally

This character’s journey.

From an affable, perplexed attorney who can’t figure out what is going on to a dogged attorney who solves the mystery

The Actor Attractors for this character.

It’s his dogged detective work. His relentless pursuit to find his friend or what happened to him no matter what.

His insatiable curiosity

He gets to dress up undercover as a hippie. He gets to kill the bad hippie.

Sharp. Witty. Detached intellectual.

Role in the Story: Protagonist: the attorney who draws up the will at the center of the conflict. He surreptitiously investigates Youngblood until he solves the mystery.

Age range and Description: 50s. Erudite. Impeccable dress and manners. But drinks too much when under pressure. Likes things to be in order and straight, especially picture frames.

Core Traits: Loyal. Perfectionist. Everything by the Book. Curious.

Motivation;

Want: to expose Youngblood for who he really is. Need: to protect Jonathan and keep him safe from Youngblood but also from himself

Wound: his loss of Maggie, the only woman he truly loved

Likability: he’s charming, respectful, cheerful

Relatability: he takes great care of his dog

Empathy: he struggles with being a borderline alcoholic

Character Subtext: Hiding something

Character Intrigue: he sets out on a secret investigation of Youngblood, who he is and what’s he up to

Flaw: Undervalues himself

Values: Loyalty. Friendship.

Character Dilemma: should he ignore what’s going on and just relax and have a good time with Jonathan or should he break his promise and investigate this hippie who may want to murder Jonathan? Love versus approval.

*

YOUNGBLOOD. Antagonist

The High Concept.

Youngblood is an amoral hippie who pursues his desires passionately without regard for anyone else

This character’s journey.

From fun-loving hippie to serial killer

The Actor Attractors for this character.

Short, pale, young and handsome, but lacking all forms of social grace, Youngblood presents himself at times as pure animal — a quality that some nubile flower girls find irresistible

He gets to frolic with attractive flower girls. He gets to intimidate everyone he speaks to.

He is introduced living it up at the Fillmore doing body painting. He covers himself with DayGlo paint, then splays his nude body over long sheets of butcher paper creating abstract “art.” Laughing gleefully through it all.

When he speaks, he conveys the uneasy feeling that he would like to lunge for your throat

Role in the Story: Antagonist: the hippie who is the beneficiary of the will. His hunger for pleasure is insatiable. He needs Jonathan’s wealth to keep it going.

Age range and Description: Late 20s. Unkempt. Wild hair and beard. But handsome. Virile. Has a limp, walks a little crooked with a cane.

Core Traits: Selfish. Secretive. Reckless. Absolutely no sense of humor.

Motivation;

Want: to pursue all pleasure without limits

Need: to kill for the thrill of power over life and death

Wound: Nobody ever loved him. From as long as he can remember — which isn’t all that much — people have always hated him

Likability: his desire for fun, fun, fun.

Relatability: he’s a down and out hippie without a penny to his name

Empathy: he struggles to walk straight

Character Subtext: Lying. About everything.

Character Intrigue: has a secret identity

Flaw: his inability to feel genuine emotion

Values: Absolute freedom to do whatever he wishes whenever he wishes.

Character Dilemma: should he kill Longfellow or allow him a few days more of freedom? Wealth versus trying to be a little nice.

*

JONATHAN Triangle

The High Concept.

Jonathan is an eccentric research scientist who has devoted his life to helping others and cares little for his own welfare

This character’s journey.

From enthusiastic scientific researcher who is the life of the party to withdrawn shut-in

The Actor Attractors for this character.

Gifted, a bit reckless, jumps about from topic to topic freely, hard to keep up with him, instantly likable

Role in the Story: Triangle: Jonathan is a successful research scientist. He inexplicably protects Youngblood from Longfellow and the police.

Age range and Description: 50s. Aristocratic. So brilliant that sometimes it’s hard to keep up with his line of thought as he jumps from subject to subject. Subject to bursts of enthusiasm followed by bouts of deep depression.

Core Traits: Academic. Adventurer. Enthusiastic. Distant.

Motivation;

Want: to protect Youngblood from inquiries from Longfellow and the police

Need: to secure Youngblood’s financial security no matter the cost

Wound: his being fired unceremoniously from the position of top researcher at the Royal University in London

Likability: he has an infectious enthusiasm for new ideas. He’s always upbeat. Positive.

Relatability: he loves his house and has lovingly restored it with care

Empathy: he suffers from the burden of carrying a dark secret that he cannot share with anyone, even his best friend, Longfellow

Character Subtext: Withholding. He won’t tell Longfellow what’s going on with Youngblood, why he protects him with such passion

Character Intrigue: Deception.

Flaw: Over-confidence in his scientific abilities, knowledge and experiments

Values: Scientific achievement. Bravery. Being your best.

Character Dilemma: should he confide with Longfellow or keep him in the dark for his own safety? Love versus loneliness.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen CHARACTER PROFILES PART 1

My Vision is to direct one of my screenplays as a low-budget indie feature

What I learned from this assignment is that it’s a lot of work to bring a character to life

With each of your lead characters, first tell us the following:

LONGFELLOW. Protagonist

The High Concept.

Longfellow is an attorney who believes in following the law no matter what it costs him personally

This character’s journey.

From an affable, perplexed attorney who can’t figure out what is going on to a dogged attorney who solves the mystery

The Actor Attractors for this character.

It’s his dogged detective work. His relentless pursuit to find his friend or what happened to him no matter what.

His insatiable curiosity

He gets to dress up undercover as a hippie. He gets to kill the bad hippie.

Sharp. Witty. Detached intellectual.

Role in the Story: Protagonist: the attorney who draws up the will at the center of the conflict. He surreptitiously investigates Youngblood until he solves the mystery.

Age range and Description: 50s. Erudite. Impeccable dress and manners. But drinks too much when under pressure. Likes things to be in order and straight, especially picture frames.

Core Traits: Loyal. Perfectionist. Everything by the Book. Curious.

Motivation;

Want: to expose Youngblood for who he really is. Need: to protect Jonathan and keep him safe from Youngblood but also from himself

Wound: his loss of Maggie, the only woman he truly loved

Likability: he’s charming, respectful, cheerful

Relatability: he takes great care of his dog

Empathy: he struggles with being a borderline alcoholic

*

YOUNGBLOOD. Antagonist

The High Concept.

Youngblood is an amoral hippie who pursues his desires passionately without regard for anyone else

This character’s journey.

From fun-loving hippie to serial killer

The Actor Attractors for this character.

Short, pale, young and handsome, but lacking all forms of social grace, Youngblood presents himself at times as pure animal — a quality that some nubile flower girls find irresistible

He gets to frolic with attractive flower girls. He gets to intimidate everyone he speaks to.

He is introduced living it up at the Fillmore doing body painting. He covers himself with DayGlo paint, then splays his nude body over long sheets of butcher paper creating abstract “art.” Laughing gleefully through it all.

When he speaks, he conveys the uneasy feeling that he would like to lunge for your throat

Role in the Story: Antagonist: the hippie who is the beneficiary of the will. His hunger for pleasure is insatiable. He needs Jonathan’s wealth to keep it going.

Age range and Description: Late 20s. Unkempt. Wild hair and beard. But handsome. Virile. Has a limp, walks a little crooked with a cane.

Core Traits: Selfish. Secretive. Reckless. Absolutely no sense of humor.

Motivation;

Want: to pursue all pleasure without limits

Need: to kill for the thrill of power over life and death

Wound: Nobody ever loved him. From as long as he can remember — which isn’t all that much — people have always hated him

Likability: his desire for fun, fun, fun.

Relatability: he’s a down and out hippie without a penny to his name

Empathy: he struggles to walk straight

*

JONATHAN Triangle

The High Concept.

Jonathan is an eccentric research scientist who has devoted his life to helping others and cares little for his own welfare

This character’s journey.

From enthusiastic scientific researcher who is the life of the party to withdrawn shut-in

The Actor Attractors for this character.

Gifted, a bit reckless, jumps about from topic to topic freely, hard to keep up with him, instantly likable

Role in the Story: Triangle: Jonathan is a successful research scientist. He inexplicably protects Youngblood from Longfellow and the police.

Age range and Description: 50s. Aristocratic. So brilliant that sometimes it’s hard to keep up with his line of thought as he jumps from subject to subject. Subject to bursts of enthusiasm followed by bouts of deep depression.

Core Traits: Academic. Adventurer. Enthusiastic. Distant.

Motivation;

Want: to protect Youngblood from inquiries from Longfellow and the police

Need: to secure Youngblood’s financial security no matter the cost

Wound: his being fired unceremoniously from the position of top researcher at the Royal University in London

Likability: he has an infectious enthusiasm for new ideas. He’s always upbeat. Positive.

Relatability: he loves his house and has lovingly restored it with care

Empathy: he suffers from the burden of carrying a dark secret that he cannot share with anyone, even his best friend, Longfellow

[George Petersen]

George Petersen LIKABILITY/RELATABILITY/EMPATHY

My Vision is to direct one of my screenplays as a low-budget indie feature

What I learned from this assignment is the importance of the human factor when creating characters

LONGFELLOW

Likability: he’s devoted to the well being of his friend. He’s charming and intelligent.

Relatability: he embarks on a secret mission to “save” his friend — even if it means risking the loss of their friendship forever

Empathy: he struggles with stress and alcoholism

YOUNGBLOOD

Likability: he’s determined to have as much fun as possible as he plows through the Haight

Relatability: everyone experiences hard times sometime in their lives

Empathy: he seems like a down and out person — at first

[George Petersen]

George Petersen CHARACTER INTRIGUE

My Vision is to direct one of my screenplays as a low-budget indie feature

What I learned in this assignment is intrigue can be anywhere in a script

Character Name: Longfellow

Role: an attorney who becomes a detective

Hidden agendas: to discover Youngblood’s true identity without Jonathan discovering his investigation

Competition: Longfellow feels in competition with Youngblood for Jonathan’s favor

Secrets: Longfellow’s secret plan to expose Youngblood for who he really is

Deception: Longfellow lies to Jonathan about his covert spying on Youngblood in the Haight

Unspoken Wound: to have Jonathan seemingly favor Youngblood’s friendship over his own

Give us an idea of how that character’s subtext might show up in your movie.

Longfellow’s says one thing to Jonathan but does another

*

Character Name: Youngblood

Role: a mysterious hippie with no past

Hidden agendas: to inherit Jonathan’s vast estate lock, stock and barrel

Secrets: his doppelganger identity

Deception: to trick Longfellow into using his friendship with Jonathan as a means of making the will indisputable

Secret Identity: that Youngblood is in fact an evil expression of the saintly Jonathan’s dark side

Jonathan is manipulated into making the will unchallengeable

[George Petersen]

George Petersen SUBTEXT CHARACTERS

My Vision is to direct one of my screenplays as a low-budget indie feature

What I learned from doing this assignment is subtext looks so easy on the screen but it’s not

With your example movie, give us the following answers for the character with the most subtext:

Movie Title: The Third Man

Character Name: Harry Lime

Subtext Identity: Harry is a CRIMINAL. He is the main suspect concerning a black market scheme to dilute penicillin in order to make lots of money at the expense of children’s lives

Subtext Trait: illusive, slippery, refuses to take responsibility

Subtext Logline: Harry Lime is a criminal suspected of diluting penicillin in order to make money off of children’s lives in postwar Vienna

Possible Areas of Subtext: The Ferris wheel scene, where Harry offers Holly a cut in the profits if he will only cross over to his side.

For your two leads, brainstorm these answers:

Character Name: Longfellow

Subtext Identity: Longfellow is an amateur SPY. He is an attorney who goes undercover in the Haight-Ashbury as a kind of amateur detective in the quest to discover what has happened to his missing friend

Subtext Trait: Undercover, crafty

Subtext Logline: Longfellow willingly goes into the Haight as an amateur spy on a quest to find out what happened to his missing friend

Possible Areas of Subtext: In scenes where Longfellow and Youngblood clash and in scenes where Longfellow spies on Youngblood as he flails himself through the Haight

Character Name: Youngblood

Subtext Identity: Youngblood is a CRIMINAL. A hanger-on hippie who is suspected of murder

Subtext Trait: Secretive, devious, scheming

Subtext Logline: Youngblood is a hanger-on hippie who Longfellow suspects is a murderer. Youngblood is tight-lipped around adults but is loud and gregarious when among the hippies in the Haight. It’s his arrogance that will be his undoing. His sweet words barely hide his desire to kill anyone or anything that gets in his way.

Possible Areas of Subtext: Throughout his travels through the Haight he is constantly boasting and bragging about his virility. That nothing will stop him from getting whatever he wants. Little does he know that Longfellow is close by, hanging on every word. Ready to report back to Jonathan what Youngblood is really all about, despite his sweet words.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen – Actor attractors!

My Vision is to direct one of my screenplays as a low-budget indie feature.

What I learned is the importance of giving your characters free space to become themselves

Longfellow:

Role: Protagonist

What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?

It’s his dogged detective work. His relentless pursuit to find his friend or what happened to him no matter what.

What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?

His insatiable curiosity

What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?

He gets to dress up undercover as a hippie. He gets to kill the bad hippie.

How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?

Longfellow is introduced on Hyde Street, San Francisco, observing police secure the scene of a homicide: the body of a strangled flower girl.

What could be this character’s emotional range

Introduced as easygoing, charming, super intelligent without a care in the world and moves toward the one who kills the devious hippie

What subtext can the actor play?

When confronted with his former girlfriend, Maggie, feelings run suppressed

What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?

Longfellow has an intense love for Jonathan and an intense hatred for the hippie, Youngblood.

How will this character’s unique voice be presented?

Sharp. Witty. Detached intellectual.

What could make this character special and unique?

He loves the fog as it reminds him of his former home in London, where he was happy

Youngblood:

Role: Antagonist

What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?

Short, pale, young and handsome, but lacking all forms of social grace, Youngblood presents himself at times as pure animal — a quality that some nubile flower girls find irresistible

What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?

The mystery that surrounds him. Who is he? Where did he come from? What did he ever do to deserve all this money?

What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?

He gets to frolic with attractive flower girls. He gets to intimidate everyone he speaks to.

How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?

He is introduced living it up at the Fillmore doing body painting. He covers himself with DayGlo paint, then splays his nude body over long sheets of butcher paper creating abstract “art.” Laughing gleefully through it all.

What could be this character’s emotional range

His words convey all good things but his actions are all bad

What subtext can the actor play?

When he speaks, he conveys the uneasy feeling that he would like to lunge for your throat

What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?

He has an inexplicable relationship with Jonathan that no one can explain

How will this character’s unique voice be presented?

Intense. Measured.

What could make this character special and unique?

He’s a character with no recorded history of any kind

[George Petersen]

George Petersen – ACTOR ATTRACTORS

My Vision is to direct one of my screenplays as a low-budget indie feature

What I learned from this assignment is the importance of seeing a script from the actor’s point of view

THE THIRD MAN

HOLLY MARTINS:

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?

For the chance to play a novelist who gets tangled up in the black market of postwar Vienna.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?

Holly is a novelist, but he acts as an amateur detective intent on finding out how his friend was murdered.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?

Holly plays the detective role, gets tangled up in the black market

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?

Holly is introduced as an entertaining writer of Western novelettes in brutal postwar Vienna, a fish out of water

5. What is this character’s emotional range?

Holly goes from happy-go-lucky novelist without a dime to his name to the pursuer who kills his best friend.

6. What subtext can the actor play?

Holly has a hard time communicating with Anna, Harry’s girl.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?

Holly’s relationship to Harry is to defend his friend, but as the story reveals more dark secrets, Holly changes until he takes over the pursuit and kills his friend.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?

Naive. Gullible.

9. What makes this character special and unique?

Holly is faced with a moral dilemma: help his friend prosper on the dark side or expose Harry’s black market, which dilutes penicillin that results in the death of innocent children.

10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)

The final scene: Anna walks past Holly as he puts out a cigarette, refusing to acknowledge him.

HARRY LIME:

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?

For the chance of playing a dead man come back to life.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?

Harry is immediately intriguing because the viewer wants to know why he faked his own death.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?

Harry gets his say in the Ferris wheel scene. Harry gets chased through the sewers of Vienna.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?

Harry, who is supposedly dead, shows up bigger than life in a flash of light on the street

5. What is this character’s emotional range?

Harry tries to justify his evil deeds with empty rationalizations. He doesn’t change. But he does pursue his downward goals to the bitter end.

6. What subtext can the actor play?

The viewer can never tell when Harry is telling the truth.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?

Harry offers to cut Holly in on the action but Holly refuses the dark side

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?

Calculating. Measured.

9. What makes this character special and unique?

Harry is a good person who has been totally corrupted by the war. Now it’s all dog eat dog.

10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)

The Ferris wheel scene: Will Harry push his friend out the door as the cab teeters high in the air?

[George Petersen]

George Petersen TRANSFORMATIONAL EVENTS

What I learned is that it’s really important to lock down the progression of transformational events

Surfing Grandpa

Act 1:

Opening

External Medical Challenge:

Corky struggles with his medical limitations — will he ever surf again?

Internal Psychological Challenge:

Corky starts having flashbacks of his lost at sea trauma.

He demonstrates an unusual fear of the water.

A surfer who fears the water?

First doctor visit

Corky’s Hope for the Future:

Raquel expresses hope for the new surf coaching business. Corky can train, teach. She can cook and maintain the house for clients. They’ll be a team.

Inciting Incident

Corky’s son, Clint, makes him an offer he can’t refuse:

Corky gets a call from Clint, who asks Corky to take on Slash as his first client — with the restriction that he doesn’t tell Slash under any circumstances that he is his grandfather. All hell will break loose if the Reverend finds out.

Turning Point

Corky is confronted with the results of his passivity:

Slash doesn’t know much about the true nature of surfing or anything else

Corky takes Slash into the tropical world

Act 2:

Plan in action

Corky tries to teach Slash professional surfing techniques:

A series of surf lessons that end in chaos

Midpoint Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift

The Big Local attacks Slash for cutting in

Corky is confronted with Slash’s vulnerabilities:

Corky takes Slash to the hospital

Corky learns that there’s more to life than just surfing:

Slash learns that Corky is his grandfather

Corky feels the pain of a relationship that never was

Act 3:

Rethink everything

Corky tries to build an emotionally relationship with Slash:

New plan – instead of focusing on surfing technique, a more psychological, emotional approach will be taken involving Noah’s dog, Raquel’s grandmother and a family celebration

Turning Point: Another Huge failure / Major shift

Corky is faced with losing Slash forever:

Clint calls Corky: The Reverend has found out what’s going on and has decided to make the trip down himself and take Slash away — it’s over. All is lost.

Corky decides to take on the Reverend:

Corky intercepts the Reverend at the airport

Confronts him, stands up for his grandson.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict

Corky conquers his fear of the water:

With Slash’s help, Corky gets back into it, masters the big wave

Resolution

Corky earns a relationship with his grandson:

As they say their goodbyes at the airport, Corky and Slash bond as grandfather and grandson

[George Petersen]

(George Petersen) 4 Act Transformational Structure

My Vision is to direct one of my screenplays as a low-budget indie feature

What I learned from doing this assignment is how much easier ideas flow when presented with a simple map

The Summer of Haight

Genre – thriller (mystery)

Concept: In the summer of 1967, an attorney is baffled when his best friend designates a good-for-nothing hippie as the sole benefactor of his opulent estate.

Conflict: After the hippie inherits the estate complete with its lush Victorian mansion, the attorney swears revenge for his “missing” friend.

Old Ways: By the book. Deferring. Passive. Unable to challenge. Accepts life as Boring, uneventful, something to get through — with the help of a bottle. Dishonest with himself. Fears the future.

New Ways: Takes command, assertive, appreciates the mystery in life. Solves the mystery. Honest with himself and others. Embraces the future.

Act 1:

Opening – a scientist hosts a housewarming party for his lavishly restored Victorian mansion. A cellar apartment next to the lab stands out. The talk of the party is a series of murders of young flower girls, which is haunting the city.

Inciting Incident – the scientist orders his attorney to draw up a new will leaving his entire fortune to a no-good hippie no one has ever heard of. Furthermore, he makes the attorney solemnly promise on the honor of the deep love and friendship they have for each other not to interfere in his arrangements with the hippie in any way.

Turning Point – hungry for an explanation the scientist refuses to give, the attorney breaks his solemn promise to the scientist and surreptitiously follows the hippie into the Haight-Ashbury. He’s got to know and makes a promise to himself that whatever comes to pass, he will protect his dear friend, the scientist, from whatever the hippie is up to — fraud, intimidation or even (gulp) murder.

Act 2:

Reaction:

The attorney confronts the scientist with his concerns about the strange behavior of the hippie. You just won’t believe what I witnessed. You won’t believe the photographs I saw taken by a libertine photographer who also has followed the hippie. In fact, it’s possible this hippie could be the serial killer of flower girls that has the city on edge. The scientist brushes his concerns off: Everything will be OK. Relax. You’re getting way too out there.

Inciting Incident – the scientist mysteriously disappears

Turning Point 2 – the hippie inherits the estate lock stock and barrel. The attorney is helpless to stop it. When he challenges the will he is told that his status as the scientist’s best friend makes the will irrevocable. After all, why would the scientist lie to his best friend? Surely the will represents his true intentions. Irony. Midpoint. Low Point. All is lost. The house, the bank accounts, the patents — even the scientist himself.

Act 3:

Inciting Incident – another flower girl is murdered

Rethink: A New Plan

A plan to catch the hippie red-handed and expose him as the unknown serial killer is worked out with the debauched photographer who hangs out with a harem of young flower girls in the Haight.

Turning Point – in the execution of the plan, the hippie murders the photographer. The plan fails to catch the hippie, but it costs him as evidence is revealed that he is indeed the serial killer.

Act 4:

A New Plan based upon the New Ways.

Everybody is all in. The hunt is on to arrest the hippie at the Be-In

Inciting Incident – The hippie murders an innocent bystander so he can escape capture

Turning Point – The attorney experiences the metamorphosis firsthand and is forced to face the truth

[George Petersen]

George Petersen 4 Act Transformational Structure

What I learned is the importance of change in laying out a story, both in plot and character

Concept: An expatriate surf legend, pursuing his dream of a surf coaching business on the Mexican Riviera, accepts a teenage rebel as his first client

Main Conflict — as well as a sullen restriction: under no circumstances is he to reveal to the boy that he is his grandfather.

Old Ways: Avoids the truth. Don’t rock the boat. I’m not good enough. Nothing really matters. Whatever. Bows to the Reverend.

New Ways: Defends his heritage. Stands up for his friends. Takes his place as an active grandfather. Confronts the Reverend.

Act 1:

Opening

Corky struggles with his medical limitations — will he ever surf again?

He demonstrates an unusual fear of the water.

He starts having flashbacks to his lost at sea trauma.

First doctor visit

Raquel expresses hope for the new surf coaching business. Corky can train, teach. She can cook and maintain the house for clients. They’ll be a team.

Inciting Incident

Corky gets a call from Clint, who asks Corky to take on Slash as his first client — with the restriction that he doesn’t tell Slash under any circumstances that he is his grandfather. All hell will break loose if the Reverend finds out.

Turning Point

Corky takes Slash into the tropical world

Act 2:

Plan in action

A series of surf lessons that end in chaos

Midpoint Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift

The Big Local attacks Slash for cutting in

Screwup: Slash learns that Corky is his grandfather

Act 3:

Rethink everything

New plan – instead of focusing on surfing technique, a more psychological, emotional approach will be taken involving Noah’s dog, Raquel’s grandmother and a family celebration

Turning Point: Another Huge failure / Major shift

Clint calls Corky: The Reverend has found out what’s going on and has decided to make the trip down himself and take Slash away — it’s over. All is lost.

Corky intercepts the Reverend at the airport, confronts him, stands up for his grandson.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict

With Slash’s help, Corky gets back into it, masters the big wave

Resolution

As they say their goodbyes at the airport, Corky and Slash bond as grandfather and grandson

[George Petersen]

(George Petersen) Character Interviews

My Vision is to direct one of my screenplays a a low-budget indie feature

What I learned from this assignment is the importance of letting go.

QUESTIONS FOR YOUR PROTAGONIST – CORKY

Tell me about yourself.

I was born in Surfside, California. Every morning, growing up, the first thing I would do is peek out the window above my bed to see how the waves were breaking. It’s been that way ever since.

Why do you think you were called to this journey? Why you?

It wasn’t my idea. Clint called me up and laid it out. I mean, what was I suppose to do? I’m his grandfather, after all, even if he doesn’t know it. It doesn’t change anything. Or, does it?

You are up against <the Antagonist>. What is it about them that makes this journey even more difficult for you?

I feel indebted to the Reverend. He helped Clint at a time when I couldn’t. I mean, it’s not like I didn’t do anything. I confronted him about his problems. A lot of good that did. But I did decide to send Clint to the program in Utah. Even though it was super expensive and took all I had. The Reverend did a great job with him. I’m in his debt. And so, it’s hard for me to challenge him about Slash.

In order to survive or accomplish this, you are going to have to step way outside of your box. What changes do you expect to make and which of them will be the most difficult?

I don’t want to think about that. I will have to confront the Reverend. It’s coming. But I don’t want to think about it.

What habits or ways of thinking do you think will be the most difficult to let go of?

I feel beaten down by life. And I will have to let go of that, I know.

What fears, insecurities and wounds have held you back?

It hurts, giving up any kind of relationship with my grandson. Not so much when I was younger, but more so now.

What skills, background or expertise makes you well-suited to face this conflict or antagonist?

I never give up, when I set myself to accomplish something.

What are you hiding from the other characters? What don’t you want them to know?

I don’t want them to know that, deep down, I’m hurting.

What do you think of <the Antagonist>?

I respect him, from a distance.

Tell me your side of this whole conflict / story.

I didn’t do anything wrong. The Reverend is in the wrong. Surfing is not a bad thing. It doesn’t ruin people’s lives. It makes them better, more in touch with nature and something bigger than ourselves. The Reverend should know that. You would think.

What does it do for your life is you succeed here?

I just want to be happy. To live my life with respect for who I am. I may not be rich, but I’m a human being.

Ask any other questions about their character profile that will help you.

QUESTIONS FOR YOUR ANTAGONIST – SLASH

Tell me about yourself, Angel.

My name is Slash. Not Angel. Call me Slash or you’re not going to get anything out of me. I cut, slash and break through. It’s what I do. That’s all you need to know about me.

Having to do with this journey, what are your strengths and weaknesses?

Nobody stands in my way. They’d better get out of my way if they see me coming. I hate weakness.

Why are you committed to making the Protagonist fail? Or for a relationship movie, why are you committed to making them change?

You mean that old man? I don’t care about him. Why should I care about him? He means nothing to me. I don’t mean anything to him. To tell you the truth, I have no idea why I was sent down here. That old man can’t teach me anything. At least, not anything that I don’t already know.

What do you get out of winning this fight / succeeding in your plan / taking down your competition?

I just want to win surf competitions and get a sponsor and make lots of money and buy a fast car. I don’t care about anything else.

What drives you toward your mission / agenda, even in the face of danger, ruin, or death?

I want to be the best. That’s it.

What secrets must you keep to succeed? What other secrets do you keep out of fear / insecurity?

You mean, why do I feel sad at times? I don’t know. There’s something missing, deep down somewhere. I guess. But I can’t tell you what it is.

Compared to other people like you, what makes you special?

My performance on a surfboard. It’s when I feel special. Everything comes together. And I don’t feel so alone.

What do you think of <the Protagonist>?

The old man? He’s OK. He’s just got to learn to stay out of my way.

Tell me your side of this whole conflict / story.

I’m sorry for what happened. My slugging the judge. It was not right. And somehow that got me sent down here with the old guy. I’m just going to put in my time — and then I’m gone.

QUESTIONS FOR YOUR AUTHORITARIAN CHARACTER – THE REVEREND

Tell me about yourself, Reverend.

First, let me thank you for taking the time to listen to me. It’s really important, what we do for kids, for kids who are lost. Twenty years now.

Having to do with this journey, what are your strengths and weaknesses?

I’m not going to bend on this or anything else. What happened to Clint, my son-in-law, it was a terrible thing. He almost didn’t come out of it.

Why are you committed to making the Protagonist fail? Or for a relationship movie, why are you committed to making them change?

I have nothing against Corky, personally. Everyone should be able to live their life as they see fit. But surfing? I’ve seen only bad outcomes from it. Some of the worst cases I’ve seen have been kids who have become lost in the surfing world and lost all motivation to succeed in life.

What do you get out of winning this fight / succeeding in your plan / taking down your competition?

I get piece of mind. Piece of mind for my grandson. To know he’ll be safe and free from the temptations of the surfing way of life.

What drives you toward your mission / agenda, even in the face of danger, ruin, or death?

Kids need help. Who’s going to help them if not me?

What secrets must you keep to succeed?

Angel must never know that Corky is his grandfather. It would be the beginning of a long, downhill slide if he did.

What other secrets do you keep out of fear / insecurity?

I don’t want people to even know Slash has another grandfather.

Compared to other people like you, what makes you special?

I am a Reverend. People listen to me when I talk.

What do you think of <the Protagonist>?

I don’t really know him. I’ve only talked to him a couple of times.

Tell me your side of this whole conflict / story.

I’m going to do whatever it takes to protect my grandson. Period.

[George Petersen]

(George Petersen) Subtext Plot

My vision is to direct one of my screenplays as a low-budget indie film.

What I learned from doing this assignment is the importance of going step by step in building a story

The Summer of Haight

Concept: In the summer of 1967, an attorney is baffled when his best friend designates a good-for-nothing hippie as the sole benefactor of his opulent estate. After the hippie inherits the estate complete with its lush Victorian mansion, the attorney swears revenge for his “missing” friend.

Scheme and Investigation

The attorney, desperate to find out what scheme this no-good hippie is up to, decides to follow him one night through his escapades in the Haight-Ashbury. There, he discovers many alarming things about this strange hippie, but when he reports them to his friend, Jonathan, he doesn’t share the urgency for action that the attorney feels so strongly about. The attorney doubles down. He needs more evidence. A lot more for his investigation.

[George Petersen]

(George Petersen) Character Profile Part 2

What I learned is it’s not so bad to let it flow

What draws us to this character?

His warm and humble disposition.

Traits:

dry humor, funny, hard worker, aspires to excellence

Subtext:

Corky must speak carefully to Slash so as not to accidentally reveal their true relationship, which would create a dreaded confrontation with the Reverend.

Flaw/weakness

– he is easily dominated by domineering people, lacks faith in his ability to be a grandfather, rejects the idea that he has the self worth to be a model for anyone else, let alone his grandson. He has allowed himself to be defined by other people.

Values:

hard work, excellence, a sense of community

Irony:

Corky is someone who spiritually has a good heart but physically suffers from Broken Heart Syndrome. He has a closet full of trophies, but feels himself a failure.

What makes this the right character for this role?

He’s a character with a lot to give who doesn’t realize he has a lot to give.

An aging, expatriate surf legend who has escaped to the Mexican Riviera

Internal Journey: From pervasive negative attitude to positive attitude and disposition

External Journey: From fear of the water and not surfing to getting back into it and mastering the waves again

Motivation – If he can’t win anymore, then he will coach others to win surf competitions

Mission – to create a business that will support him so he can surf the best left in the world for the rest of his life

Wound – He has been unjustly cut off from his grandson

Secret – that the teenager he’s coaching is his grandson

Special Quality – his devotion and determination to defend surf culture as an art and way of life

[George Petersen]

(George Petersen) Character Profiles Part 1

What I learned is that filling in the blanks can be fun, if you allow it to be

My protagonist (Corky) starts out as a Victim – an aging surf legend who has allowed himself to be cut off from his grandson

My antagonist (Slash) is a Change Agent – a troubled teen who has an attitude

Supporting Characters: Raquel, The Reverend, Noah, Mickey, Mike, Phil

Minor Roles: the Doctor, the Big Local

Background characters: airport travelers

Genre: Drama (Family)

Lead Character – Corky

The character who undergoes change, transformation

Age – 60s

An aging, expatriate surf legend who has escaped to the Mexican Riviera

Internal Journey: From pervasive negative attitude to positive attitude and disposition

External Journey: From fear of the water and not surfing to getting back into it and mastering the waves again

Motivation – If he can’t win anymore, then he will coach others to win surf competitions

Mission – to create a business that will support him so he can surf the best left in the world for the rest of his life

Wound – He has been unjustly cut off from his grandson

Secret – that the teenager he’s coaching is his grandson

Special Quality – his devotion and determination to defend surf culture as an art and way of life

[George Petersen]

(George Petersen) Transformational Journey

My Vision is to direct one of my screenplays as a low-budget indie feature

What I learned from this assignment is the importance of change when developing a character

LONGFELLOW

Arc Beginning: Affable, perplexed attorney who can’t figure out what is going on

Arc Ending: A dogged attorney who solves the mystery

Internal Journey: From deferring to assertive

External Journey: From the hunted to the hunter

Old Ways: By the book. Deferring. Passive. Unable to challenge. Accepts life as Boring, uneventful, something to get through — with the help of a bottle. Dishonest with himself. Fears the future.

New Ways: Takes command, assertive, appreciates the mystery in life. Solves the mystery. Honest with himself and others. Embraces the future.

[George Petersen]

My name is George Petersen and I’ve written about 5 scripts.

I hope to get into the 30 day writing process and away from my usual 30 week writing process.

Something unique about me: Well, when I handed in my thesis script for my masters, the panel of professors were horrified. Could they really deny me my degree on the basis of a bad script? Their solution: I would write my thesis on how NOT to write a screenplay with my script as the sample. True story.

[George Petersen]

Subject line: (George Petersen) Transformational Journey

What I learned doing this assignment is that the character’s journey really is at the heart of why we watch movies.

Lead Character: Corky

Beginning Arc: Afraid. Negative. Fearful of the unknown.

Ending Arc: Confident. Positive.

Internal Journey: From pervasive negative attitude to positive attitude and disposition

External Journey: From fear of the water and not surfing to getting back into it and mastering the waves again

Old Ways: Avoids the truth. Don’t rock the boat. I’m not good enough. Nothing really matters. Whatever. Bows to the Reverend.

New Ways: Defends his heritage. Stands up for his friends. Takes his place as an active grandfather. Confronts the Reverend.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen

I agree to the terms of this release form.

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[George Petersen]

(George Petersen) Intentional Lead Characters

My vision is to direct one of my screenplays as a low-budget indie film

What I learned is characters need bloglines too, not just stories.

Character: Longfellow

Logline: Longfellow is an attorney who believes in following the law no matter what it costs him personally

Unique: Sincere, thorough, nothing gets past him, worries but drinks to relieve stress

Character: Jonathan

Logline: Jonathan is an eccentric research scientist who has devoted his life to helping others and cares little for his own welfare

Unique: Gifted, a bit reckless, jumps about from topic to topic freely, hard to keep up with him, instantly likable

Character: Youngblood

Logline: Youngblood is an amoral hippie who pursues his desires passionately without regard for anyone else

Unique: Aloof, cryptic and measured

[George Petersen]

(George Petersen) Title, Concept, and Character Structure!

My Vision: to direct one of my screenplays as a low-budget indie feature.

What I learned from this assignment is that there are only 4 character structures for most scripts. Only 4. Very surprising.

Title: The Summer of Haight

Concept: In the summer of 1967, an attorney is baffled when his best friend designates a good-for-nothing hippie as the sole benefactor of his opulent estate. After the hippie inherits the estate complete with its lush Victorian mansion, the attorney swears revenge for his “missing” friend.

Character concept: Dramatic Triangle

[George Petersen]

George Petersen

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[George Petersen]

Yes, you’re right. I had forgotten about it. I’ll let you know if I see anything. But I don’t think I can message you directly.

[George Petersen]

Hi Jack, Yes, I too have not had access to the Module 4 forum. Great to see it here. I’m ready to send stuff to Dimitri. Please keep me informed with how it goes. Thanks, George

[George Petersen]

Hi Paul,

I have a thriller also: The Summer of Haight.

Please let me know if you would like to exchange.

Thanks,

George Petersen

[George Petersen]

Feedback on 2nd script sample:

I thought this sample addressed the assignment really well: Nick manipulates John into a really bad spot and then lets the situation put pressure on him. Nick is certainly conniving, rebellious and confident and he gives the drive to his friend.

Robert clearly distrusts Nick and tricks him into walking into the trap. Robert is daring. Who would get himself into a situation like this? He distrusts Nick. He works alone as a leader and is loyal to his job.

I thought this sample did a great job of incorporating all the traits and subtext listed into the assignment.

[George Petersen]

The producer interviews went well today. Both interviews took around one hour and fifteen minutes. What was interesting for me was the way new out-of-the-box thinking gave me new ideas for my script, in a fluid way that doesn’t seem to happen with written feedback. Taking a nobody has all the answers and a joint venture approach seemed to be the most productive.

[George Petersen]

Hi Denice,

I really liked your setting, blending Hollywood with cemetery and music and dancing.

It has a Poe like feel to it, where everything bounces off the same theme. The moon, the owl, the boat, the mausoleum. It made me forget it was an assignment.

Ah, yes, getting back to the assignment: Robert is portrayed as smooth and definitely secretive. He’s gregarious in the party setting. I suppose low self-esteem could be related to his not being human.

Trent’s concern with his designer suit and refusing to row the boat portrays his need to appear wealthy. He gets aggressive when Nikki abandons him and a bit needy when trapped in the mausoleum.

The twist at the end was also a nice touch.

George Petersen

[George Petersen]

Hi Patricia,

As far as I can tell, I did not receive your email but I did see your post under #5. I’ll go ahead and post my feedback under the reply button on your 10 page post.

Thanks,

George

[George Petersen]

No problem. Just let me know when you’re ready.

George

[George Petersen]

Hi Patrick,

I don’t really know what I’m doing here but here goes.

Question 1: Is the set up absolutely clear?

I had difficulty understanding the set up and here’s why: the script itself clips along at a brisk pace, but the set up combines ideas that I need to sort out. For instance, in the first line you combine the notion of transportation with delivery and that confused me. The solution, as I see it, is to write the set up like you write the script. Short sentences. A single concept or idea applied to each sentence. Not two ideas per sentence. Just one.

Question 2: Did the 10 pages deliver on the genre?

Absolutely. The setting especially. Makes me want to visit Horseshoe Falls. The whole thing has a Fitzcarraldo feel to it.

Question 3: Was the writing highly compelling?

The piece feels like it is 10 pages taken our of a script in one cut. Your first page is almost all exposition, which puts you at a disadvantage. I’d start on Jesse cutting open the box. You can feel the visual cuts in your editing style writing from that point on.

The other point I’d consider is jump cutting your best scenes together like I did, where 10 pages = 3 scenes with a lot cut out in between. I think this is allowed and it seems the logical way to do it since we’re taught to keep scenes at 3 pages for pacing and never to go beyond 5 pages, though Hal hasn’t commented on scene length yet.

On the matter of Intrigue, I found myself wanting to know two things: how did the bad guys find out about the golf clubs? And how did Boyd die? I’m just guessing here but I’m wondering if there’s a way to pull these story threads into the sample.

[George Petersen]

Hi Patrick,

London School of Film? Oh man, that was like my dream. I remember visiting that old.black brick building and spending a summer afternoon talking with a professor who was an expert on Eisenstein. I was in heaven.

I’d be happy to exchange thriller scripts with you.

George

[George Petersen]

Hi Patricia,

I’m looking for a partner for thriller scripts. Please let me know if you need a thriller partner.

Thanks,

George Petersen