George Schwimmer
Forum Replies Created
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George Schwimmer’s Phone Pitch
What I learned from this lesson is how to slip by a gatekeeper’s defenses.
Intro:
Hi. I’m an optioned screenwriter with a time travel adventure/comedy which is like Back to the Future meets 48 hrs. May I run a brief pitch by you?
Pitch:
Kicked out of the CIA on a bogus charge, dumped by his girl, struggling to write an expose and pursued by assassins, Adam Kingston learns time travel from Merlin the Magician, who shows up as a delightfully flamboyant young Black man. Adam uses his newfound ability to hunt down a vicious cabal that murdered his parents and is trying to kill him. After being gravely wounded, he travels with Merlin to the year 3023 to get healing from a future self of Merlin, then goes to the past and meets his own five-year-old self and a former Soviet spy to find out who killed his father and mother. On his return to the present he is caught but at the end outwits and captures the villain with time travel, gets his girl back and sells his book for a bundle.
May I send you a copy of Time Tracker?
Budget range: $15 – 30 million
Main roles: Matt Damon and Kelvin Harrison, Jr.
Length: 94 pages
Actually, I just started marketing this script and haven’t sent it out yet.
I saw in IMBd that you produced Indiana Jones and my main character is similar to Indie.
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George Schwimmer’s Pitch Fest Pitch
What I learned is, “keep it short and simple.”
Pitch:
Hi, I’m George Schwimmer, I’ve written ten screenplays, been optioned three times and written fifteen narrative non-fiction books.
My screenplay is a delightfully violent adventure/comedy entitled Time Tracker.
I see Matt Damon as lead, Kelvin Harrison, Jr. in support.
Budget range $15-30 million.
This is Back to the Future meets 48 Hrs.
A wrongfully discharged CIA agent teams up with Merlin the Magician to use time travel to find the killers of the agent’s parents.
Adam Kingston, dumped from the CIA by corrupt executives, emotionally hammered, unexpectedly is threatened by two CIA goons, then recruited by the Secret Service and visited by Merlin the Magician—who shows up in the body of a flamboyant young Black man. Although resisting all pressures to get involved, Adam is drawn into thwarting a political assassination when his best friend is murdered. His nemesis, Jack Mordain, an older U.S. Senator, is the leader of a vicious cabal conspiring to murder a presidential candidate, and he targets Adam for death.
After being jailed erroneously, Adam’s captured and battered by rogue CIA agents—but escapes, with the help of three teenage street kids he’s been mentoring. After learning time travel from Merlin, Adam goes back six months to investigate, where he’s shot and gravely wounded but then whisked to the year 3023, accompanied by Merlin—to be healed by a future, and more frenetic, self of Merlin. A faint memory leads Adam back in time to meet his own orphaned five-year-old self, discover a secret letter from his father, meet a former Soviet spy and learn that Adam’s father also had been a CIA agent and had been murdered by Mordain forty-five years earlier.
As Adam comes back to the present, his love interest, Jenny—a Secret Service agent—is killed protecting him, but Adam takes her to the future Merlin, who revivifies and heals her. Returning from a final time trek to the past, Adam and Jenny fall into a trap set by Mordain and are captured. However, briefly tripping back to the previous day, Adam summons the Secret Service, which then rounds up Mordain and his men. Not only is Adam awarded a full pension for his efforts but also discovers a document with his father’s letter that reveals he was left an inheritance, with which he now begins a new life with Jenny and the three street kids.
May I provide you with a copy of Time Tracker?
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George Schwimmer’s Query Letter
What I learned doing this assignment is to include very specific elements in a query letter.
Time Tracker by George Schwimmer
Back to the Future meets 48 Hrs. A delightfully violent action/comedy suited for an A-list actor like Matt Damon.
Why would an unjustly discharged CIA agent team up with time-traveling Merlin the Magician?
ADAM KINGSTON, 49, a former CIA operative living in Washington, D.C., wakes from a dream in which he is King Arthur fighting a fire-breathing dragon, foreshadowing that Adam soon will be confronted by human ‘dragons’ and by Death. Meanwhile, JACK MORDAIN, 70, a U.S. Senator, once a renegade CIA assassin and now a key member of a murderous cabal, is conspiring to assassinate a presidential candidate.
Although threatened by two CIA goons; visited by MERLIN the Magician, 28 (who arrives as a flamboyant young Black man and tells Adam he once was King Arthur); and recruited by the Secret Service, Adam strongly resists getting involved, until his friend LANCE, 50, is murdered and Adam is arrested for the death. Released, he promptly is captured and physically abused by rogue CIA agents—but escapes, with the help of three teenage street kids he has befriended.
Taught time travel by Merlin, Adam goes back six months, where he is shot and gravely wounded but journeys with Merlin to the year 3023 to be healed by a future—and even more frenetic—self of Merlin. A memory flickering in the back of Adam’s mind leads him back in time to meet his own orphaned five-year-old self, discover a secret letter from his father, meet a former Soviet spy and learn from him that his father also had been a CIA agent and had been murdered by Mordain forty-five years earlier.
Just after Adam returns to the present, his love interest, JENNY, 40—a Secret Service agent—is killed protecting him, but Adam takes her to the future Merlin, who revivifies and heals her. Throughout these turbulent events Mordain’s goons repeatedly try to kill Adam. After Adam and Jenny come back from a final trek to the past to prove Mordain killed Adam’s parents, they fall into a trap set by Mordain and are captured. However, using a momentary time trip back to the previous day, Adam summons the Secret Service, whose SWAT team swiftly takes Mordain and his men into custody.
Discovering hitherto unknown funds left him by his father in his letter, Adam begins the creation of the family he always has yearned for, with Jenny and the three street kids.
These events are often delightfully sprinkled with humor.
Adam is the Indiana Jones of time travel.
This is a four-quadrant tale, a potential franchise anchor.
Be glad to send you a copy of Time Tracker to evaluate.
Bio:
› Have written ten screenplays (five of them Magical Realism), four innovative stage plays.
› My adaptation, A Walk Into The Light, of Julius Lester’s novel Do Lord Remember Me, was optioned by TV film producer Lee Levinson.
› My screenplay Letting Go was a Finalist in a Texas Film Institute Competition, was optioned by producer/director Rachel Roy, who shot five minutes of the script, which later was a Finalist in The Writers Place Screenwriting Contest, Placed Third as an Independent Scenario at a Canadian International Annual Film Festival and was at The Los Angeles Film Festival. Ms. Roy later optioned another of my screenplays.
› Two of my screenplays won contests. Jeff Silverstein, President, Access & Development, NEHST Studios, wrote of my screenplay Mystic, the story of Edgar Cayce, “Extremely well-written.”
› Earned a two-year Certificate in Film from UCLA Extension, also took the nine-months-long ScreenwritingU ProSeries course and studied the mini-movie screenwriting method.
› Authored fifteen—mostly 5 star—narrative non-fiction books.
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George Schwimmer’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch
What I learned doing this assignment is to write lean and mean High Concept and elevator pitches.
High Concept pitch:
A former CIA agent teams up with Merlin the Magician and uses time travel to stop a murderous cabal.
Elevator pitch:
I’m polishing up a four-quadrant script that’s like Back to the Future meets 48 hrs.
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George Schwimmer’s Synopsis Hooks
What I learned doing this assignment is how to build a synopsis with the most powerful hooks.
10 Hooks (most interesting things)
Most unique about hero and villain
1. The hero, Adam, a falsely discharged former CIA agent, becomes able to travel through time. The villain, once a renegade CIA assassin, now an eighty-year-old U.S. Senator, is a key member of a murderous cabal.
Major hook of opening scene
2. Dreaming he is King Arthur fighting a dragon, Adam is symbolically shown he soon will be confronted with human ‘dragons’, with Death and with the long ago tragic deaths of his parents.
Turning point
3. Adam’s close friend Lance is murdered, and Adam is arrested for the murder.
Emotional dilemma
4. Adam is now on the razor’s edge: either he stands back and does nothing about Lance’s murder and a cabal’s assassination plot or else he re-enters the world of intrigue he had put behind him six months earlier.
5. Legendary Merlin the Magician appears to Adam as a flamboyant young Black man, who is able to change any aspect of his appearance at will and to appear and disappear.
Reversal
6. Adam is captured and physically abused but escapes with the help of three street kids he has befriended.
Turning points
7. Taught time travel by Merlin, Adam goes to the past, is shot, almost dies but travels to the year 3023 to be healed by a future—and even more frenetic—self of Merlin,
Big surprises
8. Searching out his own far past, Adam meets his five-year-old self.
9. Adam discovers a former Soviet spy who knew his father—and learns his father also had been a CIA operative and had been murdered by the villain fifty years earlier.
Major twist
10. Adam’s love interest, Jenny, is shot and killed but is healed and revived by the future Merlin.
And other twists, turns and surprises, which often are layered with humor and verbal fireworks between Merlin and Adam.
Time Tracker
Back to the Future meets 48 Hrs. A Magical Realism comedy/thriller,
ADAM KINGSTON, 49, a falsely discharged ex-CIA operative living in Washington, D.C., wakes from a dream in which he is King Arthur fighting a dragon, foreshadowing that Adam soon will be confronted by human ‘dragons’ and with Death, including the long ago tragic deaths of his parents.
Meanwhile, JACK MORDAIN, 80, a U.S. Senator, once a renegade CIA assassin and now a key member of the murderous cabal that killed JFK sixty years earlier, is conspiring to assassinate a current presidential candidate.
In quick succession, Adam is threatened by two CIA goons; is visited by MERLIN the Magician, 28, who appears as a flamboyant young Black man able to change his appearance at will; is asked by the Secret Service to help expose Mordain’s cabal.
Adam resists all pressures to get involved, but when his close friend LANCE, 50, is murdered, Adam is put on a razor’s edge: either to stand back and do nothing about Lance’s murder and the cabal’s assassination plans or else to re-enter the convoluted world of intrigue he had put behind him just six months earlier.
Prodded by Merlin, Adam finally commits to the quest, only to be captured immediately and physically abused by rogue CIA goons but then helped to escape by three teenage street kids he had befriended.
Learning time travel from Merlin, Adam goes back six months, where he is shot and gravely wounded but then travels forward in time with Merlin to the year 3023 to be healed by a future—and even more frenetic—self of Merlin.
A memory flickering in the back of Adam’s mind sends him back to meet his five-year-old self, discover a secret letter from his father, meet a former Soviet spy and learn that his father also had been a CIA operative and had been murdered by Mordain fifty years earlier.
Returning to the present, Adam’s love interest, JENNY, 45—now a Secret Service agent—is killed protecting him, but Adam takes her to the future Merlin, who brings her back to life and heals her, after a frantic scramble with a broken revivification device.
Throughout the tumultuous story, Mordain is demanding the immediate death of Adam, who is hunted by Mordain’s men.
Adam and Jenny travel back to when Adam’s parents were murdered to get proof of Mordain’s guilt but on returning to the present discover that Mordain’s minions had kidnapped Merlin and Adam’s former-CIA friend MACK, 49.
With the help of the three street kids, Adam and Jenny track down Mordain and his men, only to also be captured and brought into a brewery, where Mordain is holding court. However, using a momentary time trip back to the previous day, Adam summons the Secret Service, whose SWAT team effectively captures Mordain and his men.
Throughout this saga runs Adam’s yearning to have an ordinary life and family, which begins to come into being at the end, with Adam, Jenny and the three street kids starting to form a family structure.
The personalities of Adam and Merlin are analogous to those of Jack Cates (Nick Nolte) and Reggie Hammond (Eddie Murphy) in 48 Hrs. Great roles for A-list actors. Adam is the Indiana Jones of time travel.
With an
adult male hero, comic male side-kick, female love interest, three teen street
kids, an arch villain, thriller elements and a detective-style mystery to
solve, this will be a four-quadrant movie, with the potential to be a franchise property. -
George Schwimmer’s 10 Most Interesting Things
What I learned doing this assignment is not to give book reports but to cherry pick the most interesting aspects of my screenplays.
10 Hooks (most interesting things)
Most unique about hero and villain
1. The hero, Adam, a falsely discharged former CIA agent, becomes able to travel through time. The villain, once a renegade CIA assassin, now an eighty-year-old U.S. Senator, is a key member of a murderous cabal.
Major hook of opening scene
2. Dreaming he is King Arthur fighting a dragon, Adam is symbolically shown he soon will be confronted with human ‘dragons’, with Death and with the long ago tragic deaths of his parents.
Turning point
3. Adam’s close friend Lance is murdered, and Adam is arrested for the murder.
Emotional dilemma
4. Adam is now on the razor’s edge: either he stands back and does nothing about Lance’s murder and a cabal’s assassination plot or else he re-enters the world of intrigue he had put behind him six months earlier.
5. Legendary Merlin the Magician appears to Adam as a flamboyant young Black man, who is able to change any aspect of his appearance at will and to appear and disappear.
Reversal
6. Adam is captured and physically abused but escapes with the help of three street kids he has befriended.
Turning points
7. Taught time travel by Merlin, Adam goes to the past, is shot, almost dies but travels to the year 3023 to be healed by a future—and even more frenetic—self of Merlin,
Big surprises
8. Searching out his own far past, Adam meets his five-year-old self.
9. Adam discovers a former Soviet spy who knew his father—and learns his father also had been a CIA operative and had been murdered by the villain fifty years earlier.
Major twist
10. Adam’s love interest, Jenny, is shot and killed but is healed and revived by the future Merlin.
And other twists, turns and surprises, which often are layered with humor and verbal fireworks between Merlin and Adam.
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George Schwimmer Producer/Manager
What I learned today is that producers and managers have a bigger stake in my own work than I do and that I must honor that need, if I want to get my film made and to have a career.
1. How will you present yourself and your project to the producer?
Would impress on the producer that the project has a potentially large audience, possibly four quadrants. Second, explain that elements present in my screenplay mirror those found in successful Magical Realism movies. Third, I would mention that the lead and the supporting character are great roles for actors, and that the film would have the potential of being a tentpole production and possibly a franchise. Fourth, I’d say that based on these elements, it should be attractive to buyers.
I would present myself to the producer as a team player who understands what it takes to get a movie made, from a business point of view.
2. How will you present yourself and your project to the manager?
I would impress on the manager that I understand the need to develop as an effective writer of screenplays and also as a team player who understands the needs of the manager and producers—that the bottom line is to give as much help as possible to achieve the producer’s vision and to get the movie made, so that everyone is able to make money. That, of course, you are available for writing assignments.
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George Schwimmer’s Marketable Components
What I learned doing this assignment is that, as always, I was forced to isolate marketing elements in order to examine and improve each of them, as well as understand what those elements are. Also learned to put into words things implied in the screenplay.
Title: Time Tracker
Logline: A falsely discharged CIA agent time travels to catch his parents’ killers and stop a political assassination, aided by a hip young Black Merlin the Magician, a love interest and three street kids, as the agent, in turn, is hunted by the vicious killers.
Marketable Components:
Wide audience appeal: Has an adult male hero, comic male side-kick, female love
interest, three street kids, thriller elements and a detective-style
mystery to solvePitch: This is a four-quadrant movie, appealing to all—a potential summer blockbuster.
Similarity to a box-office
success: Back to the Future meets 48 Hrs. Time travel, bad guys to stop, and a buddy-type of
relationship that bounces between the lead and supporting characters.Pitch: Elements and relationships in this screenplay mirror those found in Back to the Future and 48 hrs., notably humor, action, fantasy, Magical Realism. A possible tentpole film and franchise property.
Great roles for a bankable
actor—and for a rising star: The dynamics—including comedy and action—between
the lead character (Adam) and supporting character (Merlin) are quite similar
to that of Jack Cates (Nick Nolte) and Reggie Hammond (Eddie
Murphy) in 48
Hrs. Great characters for actors to play.Pitch: Personalities and relationships found in this screenplay mirror similar ones found in other—highly successful—movies, like Back to the Future and 48 Hrs.
Adam Kingston is the Indiana Jones of time travel.
Elevate: Make character and his lines more interesting in some way. Be amenable and accommodating to the needs expressed by the film’s star. Dig deeper into the psyche of the lead character. As a franchise property, Time Tracker can earn the star a lot of money and renown.
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George Schwimmer Project and Market
What I learned today: There is a method for creating anything.
Genre: Comedy Sub-Genres: Magical Realism/ Sci-fi
Title: TIME TRACKER
Concept:
“A” story: A falsely discharged CIA agent time travels to catch his parents’ killers and stop an assassination, aided by a hip young Black Merlin the Magician.
“B” story: A man’s search and efforts to recreate “paradise,” —a sense of belonging, of being human.
Most attractive: The combination of comedy, magical realism and sci-fi, with a sprinkle of thriller added, along with an updated Merlin the Magician, some romance and political assassins (the kind of story Snoopy the Dog would write).
Target first: Producers. Why? Because, as bank robber Willie Sutton said, “That’s where the money is.” Direct channel between seller and buyer.
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Posted earlier, disappeared.
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George Schwimmer’s Decreased Budget
What I learned doing this assignment is: I didn’t even think of the budget items when I wrote the script—will be more aware and conscious of budget items in future scripts.
CLIENT FROM HELL – a comedy
p. 12 – eliminate the montage completely
p. 30 – cut scene of people being interviewed on the street
pp. 32-33 – cut #1- #4 in montage
p. 34 – cut Times Square scene
p. 38 – remove four scenes from montage
p. 52 – cut helicopter and airport
p. 52 – cut #1 and #2 from montage
p. 55 – cut limousine
p. 67 – cut Eve and Rose scene
pp. 69 – 70 cut two scenes
Cut theme song
Change climax from Carnegie Hall to TV studio
Cut special effects in Carnegie scene.
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George Schwimmer’s Producer Interview Experience
Title: DOES NOT COMPUTE
Genre: Comedy / Adventure / Magical Realism
Logline: A selfish man buys an old computer in a junk store that is programmed with his life, and when the computer crashes, he must change or lose the life he has been living.
Notes:
A man buys a used computer from a strange old woman in an odd used items store and discovers that the computer is programmed with all of his life – including his future – and that he can change his life in any way he wants with the computer.
(Can utilize problems with a computer: freezing, very slow, crashing, hackers, etc.)
When the computer crashes, he goes back to the store in a panic and this time there is an old man who asks what the man is willing to do or to give up to get the computer fixed. The man is a shape-shifter, is also the old woman – a wizard.
a. the computer program intensifies each of his behaviors to the limit.
b. but he uses it selfishly and each change he makes turns into a disaster, until he realizes he has first to learn to be a different person, since the person who he is is programmed only to create disasters.
c. After he tries some changes, the computer freezes and now he can’t get his old life back. Because he refuses to change.
d. When he goes back to the shop where he bought the computer, the shop is not there any more, and it won’t appear again until the man changes, and when he tries the computer again, it freezes and he can’t get his old life back again, because he refuses to change.
Need to decide what his flaw(s) are, how he expresses them, and how this (these) affect others.
Does he have a wife? Children? Parents? Close friend(s)?
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George Schwimmer’s Producer Interview Experience
What I learned doing this assignment is that it is easier to be a writer than a producer.
Experience: Helping the producer find his/her vision is a delicate process. The concept, after all is the producer’s baby, especially if the project is not a book or screenplay already written but just an idea, which may be just barely expressed. The writer has to be careful not to offer ideas which come from his own view of what the film should be and how it should be expressed. When an idea comes, the writer has to stop and consider if that idea is part of the producer’s vision or not. And if the concept is not clear, the writer has to ask questions at this point, rather than offer suggestions. The writer has to weigh, quickly, whether a given idea he just got should be offered at this point, as a question, or whether the idea belongs to a later stage of development of the story, where it could be a means of strengthening the story. It is almost like a psychotherapist drawing out his client, very gently. It is a delicate dance. As the producer with just an idea, not even a full-blown concept, I felt vulnerable, unsure, protective, needing the writer’s support, experience and wisdom with respect to story development.
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George Schwimmer’s Thriller Writing Sample Plan
What I learned doing this assignment is a) send a 10 page sample and b) continue to elevate a script.
RIP THE SHADOWS
BACKGROUND
Sacramento CBI profiler Jill Clayton, 26, is in Logan, West Virginia, having discovered that two Sacramento killers —former Deputy Sheriff Jed Watkins and serial killer “Jack” — were both from Logan 28 years ago, as was a mysterious boy named Damian, who somehow figures in the murder of Jill’s mother – she, garroted with a cord 15 years earlier. Jill has found a past Logan deputy sheriff to fill her in on the murder of Damian’s mother.
Meanwhile, “Jack,” 34, in Sacramento, has previously established a phone relationship with Jill, who then discovers that “Jack” is a spirit controlling the body of the now-grown Damian, while young Damian’s spirit hides fearfully inside his body, rarely emerging, letting “Jack” run the show. Jack also makes phone calls to a man he calls “Daddy.” Prior to this time, “Jack” killed Jed for revenge. “Jack”, when alive, was Jack Callaway.
This selection contains pages 75-85 of a 98 page script.
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EXT. SACRAMENTO – A PARK – DAY (2023)
Sunny afternoon. Jack sits on a bench, enjoying himself as he speaks his message into a burner phone.
JACK
Decisions, decisions, decisions. Right, Daddy? There’s California’s death penalty, with its exciting choice of gas chamber or lethal injection. In West Virginia, you can win a life sentence! What fun prizes! “There will be time to murder and create…. Time for decisions and revisions….” But then again, I’m not T S Eliot, you’re not J Alfred Prufrock, and time…is running out for both of us.
EXT. LOGAN, WEST VIRGINIA – A small WEATHERED HOUSE – DAY
A gray morning sky. Flashes of lightning and rumbles of distant thunder. A maroon-colored mailbox with “Frank Carpenter” lettered on it. Jill’s rental car parked nearby.
INT. LIVING ROOM
A sparsely furnished room – cheap, old furniture, old TV set. A revolver in a holster with a Deputy Sheriff’s badge pinned to it hang on a coat rack.
Former Deputy Sheriff FRANK CARPENTER, 75-80, is hunched in a rickety rocking chair. Jill is perched on an ancient sofa.
CARPENTER
People were hot back then. Only took the jury an hour to convict.
JILL
On what evidence?
CARPENTER
Pretty thin, but damning. A syringe with some street drugs in it and Callaway’s prints on it, lying by her bed.
JILL
Motive?
CARPENTER
Theory was revenge for gettin’ roughed up in a bust.
JILL
But you don’t buy that.
CARPENTER
Nah. Callaway was a penny-ante pot dealer, a left-over hippie – a poet, for God’s sake. He’d been hustled before – no big deal. So why murder a deputy’s wife?
JILL
Still in prison?
CARPENTER
Killed by other inmates.
Jill shakes her head slightly with astonishment but says nothing. Pulls out a photo.
JILL
Would you look at this?
She hands him a copy of the photo showing the mannequin being garroted.
CARPENTER
That’s a good re-creation of what must‘a happened.
JILL
She have any children?
CARPENTER
A boy from an earlier marriage.
JILL
How old?
CARPENTER
‘Bout six, I reckon.
JILL
You remember his name?
Carpenter thinks for a moment.
CARPENTER
I recall Damian.
INT. Sacramento – A SEEDY FURNISHED ROOM – DAWN
On its web high in a corner waits a spider for its prey.
Thick curtains on the only window shut out most light.
Jack sits slumped on the foot of his bed, wears only pants, no belt. His arms hug his bare torso as he rocks forward and back.
JACK
Don’t go there, Damian!
Jack twists sideways, crawls up on the bed, flings himself on his back.
JACK (CONT’D)
No!
His body starts to writhe, like something is shredding his entrails.
JACK (CONT’D)
Not Logan!
His arms reach up, his hands claw the air. His body becomes rigid. His eyes stare, glazed, as if sinking into a freezing sea.
CROSSFADE FLASHBACK TO:
EXT. LOGAN – BOY’S HOUSE – NIGHT (1995)
In a dark upstairs window the face of the Boy (Damian) hovers wraith-like. Wide open eyes drill into the blackness outside.
Lights of a sheriff’s car bump through a tunnel of trees. Pebbles fly as the car skids to a crunching stop.
Boy’s Father (Stan Thompson), in a deputy sheriff’s uniform, slides out of the car, his features not seen. He slams the car door shut, the silver/onyx ring on his hand.
BACK TO PRESENT
EXT. BOY’S HOUSE – YARD – DAY
Sound of a car door slamming shut. Carpenter and Jill walk from her car toward the house.
The Boy’s house now has a weathered exterior, windows covered with ripped, dirty sheets of plastic.
CARPENTER
House never sold – no one’d live in it. Went for taxes.
He tips sideways a small rotting barrel full of dirt, reaches under it and pulls out a key.
CARPENTER (CONT’D)
Key’s still here.
INTERCUT: PRESENT – DAY / PAST – NIGHT
YARD – NIGHT
The booted feet of Boy’s Father crunch toward the house.
Damian’s pale face suddenly vanishes from his window.
INT. VESTIBULE – NIGHT
Boy’s Father enters, slams the door shut, walks heavily toward the rear.
KITCHEN – NIGHT
Boy’s Father enters the kitchen. It is empty, bare, nothing on the table, counter or stove.
BOY’S FATHER
(harshly)
Diana!
Only silence. The house seems to be alive, waiting.
VESTIBULE – DAY
Carpenter and Jill enter the house.
CARPENTER
Just like it was then. He left everything. Kinda’ spooky.
JILL
Where did it happen?
CARPENTER
Upstairs.
He starts clumping up the stairs, Jill following.
STAIRCASE – NIGHT
Boy’s Father climbs up the wooden stairs. Leather heels hammer each step.
HALL – NIGHT
Boots of Boy’s Father thud toward a lighted door at hall’s end.
Another door opens a crack as Boy’s Father passes by. Damian’s fearful eyes peer out.
HALL – DAY
Carpenter’s boots, followed by Jill’s shoes.
Carpenter leads Jill up the stairs and down the hall. He points to Damian’s door.
CARPENTER
Boy’s room.
They continue toward the far bedroom.
BEDROOM – NIGHT
A three-panel mirror reflects Diana’s despair. She sits slumped on a small bench in front of a vanity table, which is before the left wall of the room, looks sightlessly into a void. Diana is very drunk. Father’s footsteps approach.
BEDROOM – DAY
Yellow crime scene tape is stuck across the doorway. Carpenter pulls it off, walks into the room. Jill follows.
Furniture is as it was after Diana’s murder. A man’s dressing gown still hangs on the wall, right of the vanity table.
CARPENTER
Same as it was that night.
Jill crosses her arms, shivers, as the past howls through the present like a banshee.
BEDROOM – NIGHT
Boy’s Father steps into the bedroom, upper face never seen. Diana’s eyes claw at his image in the mirror.
BOY’S FATHER
Where’s my damn dinner?
Diana just stares with loathing at the mirror Father.
BOY’S FATHER (CONT’D)
You loaded again?
DIANA
(slurred)
I know what you been doin’.
Boy’s Father steps slowly toward her.
BOY’S FATHER
Doin’?
DIANA
With Damian.
BOY’S FATHER
(sharply)
Know?
DIANA
Everything.
BOY’S FATHER
You think –
Boy’s Father moves behind her.
DIANA
That you’re a monster.
BOY’S FATHER
You’re drunk.
DIANA
No, I’m real sober now.
She tries to rise, but is too inebriated. Drops back down.
BOY’S FATHER
What are you –
DIANA
Callin’ the sheriff.
(to herself)
Should’a called him long ago.
BOY’S FATHER
You don’t want to –
DIANA
Yes, I do – doin’ that to Damian.
She braces her hands on the vanity top, struggles to stand. Boy’s Father pushes her down violently. Her head crashes to the table.
Father’s head turns toward his right, sees the dressing gown. His eyes focus on the gown’s silk cord. He yanks the cord from the gown with his right hand.
Diana’s head comes back up slowly. He shoves her head down again with his left hand, quickly winds the cord’s ends around each of his hands.
He then loops the cord around Diana’s neck, pulls the cord tight, garrotes her. Diana resists weakly, tries to scream, mouth open wide, fingers clawing at the cord.
BOY’S FATHER
You’re not ruining my life, bitch.
Diana’s body sags as she loses consciousness.
Damian, terrified, cowers at the door, rooted in place.
INT. A SEEDY FURNISHED ROOM – AS BEFORE
Jack writhes on the bed, as Damian tries to escape his memories.
DAMIAN
No…no…no….
His voice starts to rise toward a scream.
INT. BOY’S HOUSE – BEDROOM – AS BEFORE – DAY
The stool. Jill points to it.
JILL
She was sitting there.
CARPENTER
Cord around her neck.
Jill sits on the stool, facing the mirrors. She looks to her right, sees the dressing gown.
CARPENTER (CONT’D)
(nods)
Took it from that dressing gown.
JILL
Cord wasn’t in the news article.
CARPENTER
We held that back.
Jill looks in the mirror, Carpenter behind her.
JILL
She saw her killer behind her.
Carpenter nods. Jill takes a deep breath, thinking of her mother. Looks up.
JILL (CONT’D)
Was there a struggle?
CARPENTER
Didn’t seem to be.
JILL
Knew her killer.
BEDROOM – NIGHT
Damian still at the bedroom door. Looks terrified, arms hanging limp. Boy’s Father glances left, sees him.
BOY’S FATHER
(evenly)
Come in, Damian.
Damian remains frozen, his eyes riveted on Diana. Boy’s Father keeps garroting her.
BOY’S FATHER (CONT’D)
Now.
Damian shuffles in, stops just past the door.
BOY’S FATHER (CONT’D)
Over here.
Damian shuffles to Boy’s Father as if in a trance. Boy’s Father lets Diana’s body drop to the table top, then slips the cord from her neck but keeps it in his right hand. Pulls Damian between him and Diana’s body.
BOY’S FATHER (CONT’D)
I just killed your mother. See?
Damian nods woodenly, his eyes hypnotically fixed on the mirror Diana.
BOY’S FATHER (CONT’D)
She was going to tell our secret. I couldn’t let her do that.
Boy’s Father slowly puts the cord around Damian’s neck, pulls it softly taut.
BOY’S FATHER (CONT’D)
I’ll kill you, too, if you ever tell anyone about this. Understand?
DAMIAN
(whispers)
Yes.
BOY’S FATHER
Yes, sir.
DAMIAN
Yes, sir.
Boy’s Father pulls the cord tighter.
BOY’S FATHER
I’ll find you and kill you, no
matter where you are – or when. I’m a lawman, with a gun, so nobody’ll stop me. Understand?
DAMIAN
Yes, sir.
Boy’s Father slides the cord from Damian’s neck.
BOY’S FATHER
That’s a good boy. Just…forget…what you saw.
DAMIAN
Yes, sir.
BEDROOM – DAY
JILL
Where was the boy?
CARPENTER
He told us –
BEDROOM – NIGHT
BOY’S FATHER
Now – when the police get here, you’ll say – ?
DAMIAN
I…was sleeping.
BOY’S FATHER
And if you tell our secrets?
DAMIAN
You’ll kill me.
BACK TO PRESENT
INT. A SEEDY FURNISHED ROOM – LATER
High in its corner, the spider sucks out the insides of a fly.
On the bed below, Jack lies crumpled in a fetal ball. He moans pitifully.
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George Schwimmer’s Specialty: Thriller
What I learned doing this assignment: I learned to identify the different elements that go into creating a thriller. And to never take your foot off the gas pedal. Also could see setups after setups. And how actors lay layers of emotions on the written word.
Thriller
Basic Instinct
Mystery is the main element here: who is the murderer? The writer doubles down by making it look like it could be one of two suspects, making it more of a mystery, as the audience has to consider both suspects. At first, there is also the mystery of circumstances in Nick’s past.
Hero: Unknowing, unwitting, but resourceful hero. Nick not only does not know but almost seems to not to want to know, his judgment clouded by his attraction to Catherine.
Villain: Dangerous, devious, and unrelenting. Committed to destroy anyone who gets in their way. Certainly fits Catherine.
Life and death: there are five deaths in the film, with Nick in constant danger.
Main emotions: Suspense, intrigue, mystery, tension, uncertainty, and surprise. Absolutely—all the way. Unrelenting.
OUTLINE:
1. Man and woman having sex, she on top, ties him up, stabs him to death with an ice pick. So, we are introduced to the antagonist.
2. We’re introduced to the protagonist, police detective NICK CURRAN, 42, and his sidekick, GUS MORAN, 64, at the crime scene. Introduced to the antagonist’s name, Catherine Tramell, 30. Introduced to the fact that Nick sees a shrink.
3. Nick and Gus at Cat’s home, we meet Roxy, Catherine’s girl friend – Cat is obviously bi-sexual.
4. Gus, Nick meet Cat, 30, at her beach house—she says she knows who Nick is. They question her. Her basic personality is demonstrated: controlling.
5. Nick goes to see Dr. Beth Gardner, 30, police psychologist. We don’t know why he was sent there, but he tells her he is off alcohol, coke and cigarettes. She formally releases him. We learn they had a relationship. The back story is woven into their current situation.
6. Meeting of detectives, Catherine’s background revealed, also that the story of a book she wrote is what just happened, the murder.
7. Nick reads Cat’s book.
8. Another psychologist is brought in to profile the killer.
9. Detectives trying to decide what to do about Cat.
10. Go to pick up Cat, take her in for questioning. Nick sees old newspapers with articles about him accidentally shooting two tourists.
11. Driving her to PD HQ, Cat banter about Nick’s not smoking, talk about new book she’s writing, about a detective who gets killed in the end.
12. Cat is questioned by six detectives, attorneys, given lie detector test. Crosses her legs.
13. Nick and Cat in his car, taking her home, talk of lie detector, lying, how Cat knows stuff about Nick.
14. In a bar, several officers, discuss case, IA detective Nilsen needles Nick, calls him “Shooter”, Nick orders two drinks, almost gets into a fight with Nilsen. Beth comes into the bar, goes out with Nick.
15. At Beth’s apartment. Nick makes rough sex. Beth doesn’t like it. Says she knew Cat in college. Nick starts smoking again.
16. Detective Bureau. Learn that Cat was at Berkley when a professor was killed in bed with an ice pick.
17. Nick trails Cat, finds her at Hazel Dobkins’ house. There is a dangerous chase on a winding road, as Cat tries to lose Nick. Nick goes back to HQ and discovers Hazel murdered her family. Gus comes in and tells Nick about Hazel.
18. Conversation between Nick and Cat, she digging into his psyche, he digging into her background. Roxy comes in. As usual, Cat needles Nick, says he’ll be a great character in her new book.
19. Nick enters Beth’s office, forces her to tell him she gave his psychiatric file to IA Nilsen.
20. Nick confronts Nilsen in squad room. Meets Gus in parking lot.
21. Beth comes to Nick’s apartment, discuss why she gave Nilsen Nick’s file. Nick takes a drink.
22. Nilsen is murdered, Nick goes to scene, then interrogated at Pd HQ, Beth is there.
23. Two scenes with Beth and Nick—their relationship and Cat in the past.
24. Nick’s on psycho leave, talks with Lt. Walker about Cat. Learns Cat’s parents were blown up in a boat accident.
25. Cat is waiting at Nick’s apt. Repartee. Gives him book about boy killing parents she wrote.
24. Gus arrives as Cat leaves. Repartee with Gus and Nick re Cat.
25. Scene in night club w/Nick and Cat.
26. They make love; Roxy comes in and threatens to kill Nick.
27. Long conversation between Nick and Cat at beach house.
28. Gus and Nick. Find out Nilsen was paid fifty grand.
29. Roxy tries to run Nick down. He gives pursuit. She crashes, is killed.
30. Crash site: Lt. Walker and Nick talk.
31. Nick, Beth, two psychiatrists: he tells them to f off.
32. Beth and Nick talk in the hall.
33, Cat’s house. Talk with Nick about Roxy. Make love.
34. Cat mentions a strange girl she knew in college to Nick.
35. Nick makes Cat admit she bought his file from Nilsen. Speaks with Gus on phone.
36. Turns out Roxy was a murderer, too.
37. Nick tries to find the girl at Cat’s college back then but the name given doesn’t find anyone.
38. Nick finds the right name for the girl from Cat.
39. Nick finds out Beth was the young girl, with a different name.
40. Nick confronts Beth about being at Berkeley and having slept with Cat.
41. Nick confronts Cat about Beth.
42. Nick finds out Nilsen had campus file of Cat and Beth.
43. Gus and Nick argue over Beth and Cat.
44. At Nick’s, Cat seduces him.
45. Nick and Cat dialogue.
46. Nick finds out about Beth’s husband being murdered.
47. He goes to see Cat, she says book is finished, so goodbye.
48. Gus goes with Nick to see a roommate of Cat’s in college, he is attacked and killed with an ice pick.
49. Nick runs in, sees Gus’ body, grabs his gun, Beth shows, he shoots her, thinking she has a gun in her pocket.
50. Cops. Find raincoat, wig and ice pick.
51. Beth’s apartment. Find revolver, photos of Cat.
52. Headquarters. Everything implicates Beth.
53. At Nick’s. Cat is there. They make love.
54. There is an ice pick under the bed.
Thriller
Chinatown
Mystery is the main element of this film. First it’s the phony Mrs. Mulwray, then the possible entanglement of Hollis with a young woman, then his murder, then the water, then the identity of the young woman. Many layers of mystery. Intrigue has to do with the water, suspense is created when Jake tries to buck the “establishment.”
Life and death: Jake is cut and threatened with death, almost drowns, and Mrs. Mulwray is killed.
Hero: doesn’t know what’s really happening but is determined to find out, seemingly as a matter of principle.
There certainly are high stakes, plot twists, and suspense that never lets up.
Villain: Dangerous, devious, and unrelenting. Committed to destroy anyone who gets in their way. That describes the antagonist, Noah Cross, quite well. -
George Schwimmer’s Key Business Decisions
What I learned from this assignment is to look back at each element that I choose, so that its non-artistic elements can be weighed and evaluated in a manner that will push the project forward to completion. It also showed me how, as a writer, I can make changes that will help the producer but not hurt the story. And that this needs to be done consciously.
Logline: Tormented by dreams of her mother’s murder and taunted by a haunted serial killer, a young woman profiler unearths memories of her tortured childhood to catch her mother’s killer.
· Genre: Thriller. Historically, thrillers do well with audiences, who like stories that keep them on the edges of their seats. Thrillers also allow for interesting camera work, mood and locations. A good thriller also attracts A list actors. This thriller has a sub-genre of Magical Realism, which could be emphasized more than normal in publicity, to bring in a secondary audience. Also would want a good director and DP.
· Title: RIP THE SHADOWS. The title embodies action (RIP), which also implies damage. SHADOWS evokes the mood and symbolizes the type of story this will be: dark and hidden. Should attract audiences. It also symbolizes that the start of the story will be dark but will eventually turn bright. The one-sheet should reflect that.
· Concept: A 26-year-old female CBI profiler has nightmares about her mother being murdered, while also having amnesia about a traumatic event in her childhood. Helped by a serial killer controlled by the spirit of a dead poet, she catches her mother’s murderer by recovering lost childhood memories.
· Budget: $15-25 million. The only way to lower the budget would be to give the leads a larger back-end deal.
This film is a detective thriller, so much of it takes place inside structures and some outdoor scenes. Little need for extras, no crowds, no expensive venues, only a couple of simple special effects. No car chases, no period costumes, cars, etc. But it is good entertainment, as it keeps the audience guessing and surprised, even shocked.
· Lead characters: The two lead characters—hero and counter hero—have characteristics that make them both interesting and different, as well as attractive to A list actors. Lead is a young woman, and the story she is investigating is her own: the murder of her mother (along with other murders). Thrillers with women protagonists are in demand nowadays, and should bring more of the female audience into the theatre. The counter-hero is a serial killer–the spirit of a dead poet, who is inhabiting the body of an adult, which, however, belongs to a boy who stopped developing inside, and is stuck at age six. The supporting characters all have distinct personalities, so should be attractive to both actors and audiences. It is sometimes necessary to change dialogue and smaller aspects of the concept to get an A list actor on board.
· Journey/Character Arc: Journey is symbolically shown by the opening scene being very dark, in all respects, and the final scene takes place outdoors in the sunlight, i.e., the story goes from darkness to light. The character arc goes from the protagonist stuck in a child/victim persona, to a strong woman who shakes off her childhood fears and victimhood.
· Opening/Ending: Opening – The protagonist, Jill, is having a nightmare, in which she sees her mother murdered. The entire scene is very dark. Ending – Jill is outdoors in a park, bright sunlight, with her friend Laurie.The visual contrast reflects Jill’s character arc.
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George Schwimmer’s credibility is going up.
· Will create a screenwriting website, improve my Linked in page.
· Get a “Recommend” from Coverage.
· Screenwriter, have written ten screenplays—six spec scripts and four adaptations. Playwright and author, have written four stage plays and several 5 Star narrative non-fiction books, like Doppelgänger: The Legend of Lee Harvey Oswald and The Search For David.
· Two of my adaptations were optioned by TV film producer Lee Levinson, who produced Out Of The Ashes and The Legend Of Walks Far Woman. One of my scripts was adapted from Julius Lester’s novel Do Lord Remember Me (drama). Also served as Levinson’s VP of Development for a year.
· My 22-page script Letting Go (drama/supernatural) was a Finalist, Texas Film Institute Competition and a Finalist, Anything But Hollywood Competition. It was optioned by producer/director Rachel Roy, who then shot five minutes of the script as a sample but was unable to find financing to make the film. Subsequently, however, the sample was a Finalist in The Writers Place Screenwriting Contest, Placed Third as an Independent Scenario at a Canadian International Annual Film Festival, was at The Los Angeles Film Festival and was played at the ArcLight Hollywood Theater. Ms. Roy later optioned two more of my screenplays.
· One of my feature screenplays, Holly Wood (comedy/action), Won a Hollywood Scriptwriting Institute Competition. My stage play O: The Legend Of Lee Harvey Oswald (drama, crime) Won a Moondance International Film Festival playwriting competition.
· Produced and marketed, on DVD, a 27 minute film for children of divorce, A Heart Full of Love.
· Wrote, directed and edited a five minute film at UCLA Extension.
· Was a reader for 21<sup>st</sup> Century Films.
· Have directed forty stage plays, produced nine of them. Artistic director at three theatres. Produced and directed in New York City the off-Broadway play A Song For All Saints. Produced and directed Squaring The Circle in Dublin, Ireland. Taught acting in Dublin.
· College professor of playwriting, dramatic literature, directing and acting for five years.
· Have performed forty roles.
· As author, have been interviewed on Coast to Coast AM, The ‘X’ Zone Radio Show (Canada), the Howard Hughes Unexplained Show (U.K.), The Lone Gunman, and others.
· Was trained in film at UCLA Extension by industry experts (two-year certificate, straight “A”s) and in theatre directing, playwriting and acting at Carnegie Tech. Have taken several online screenwriting courses, including ScreenwritingU’s nine-months-long Master-Class ProSeries, plus the Thriller, Rewrite and Writing Assignment courses. Additionally studied a mini-movie screenwriting course and read the top books on screenwriting. Earned a B.A., M.F.A. and Ph.D.
· Second item on Google shows me as a writer of books, screenplays and plays.
What I learned from this assignment:
I have more credibility than I thought but need to find a way to connect with producers and create a network. The exercise also helped to focus my mind and organize my material.
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George Schwimmer’s Projects and Insights
Two projects – each project must be:
a. An idea that you would like to create.
b. A finished script.1. Title: Client From Hell
a. Genre: Magical Realism; sub-genres: Comedy / Drama / Fantasy / Romance
b. Logline: A grieving young woman attorney fights the Devil in order to say a final goodbye to her dead son, aided by a hip young Black Archangel Michael.
c. Budget range: 15 to 30 million.
d. The idea: Many years ago I saw a small article in the New York Times. A man in Brooklyn had killed his wife. When asked why he did it, the man replied, “The Devil made me do it.” My first reaction was to laugh. The second was to wonder what the Devil would say about that.
The Devil instantly responded in my head: “He’s a lying son of a bitch. I never made him do it. I don’t even know him. The first time I saw him was on CNN on Hell TV. I’m going to sue the bastard for libel. I’m tired of people blaming me for their shit.”
The Devil needs a lawyer, so he finds a youngish woman attorney, Susan White, whose eight year old son was killed two years earlier in a car accident. They make a deal: Susan will represent the Devil in court, after which he will bring her son’s spirit back so she can say a final goodbye to him. Of course, the Devil double-crosses Susan, so she must find a way to get him back to Hell.
2. Title: Time Surfer
a. Genre: Magical Realism; sub-genres: Dramedy / Romance / Fantasy / Crime / Sci-fi
b. Logline: A falsely discharged CIA agent time travels to catch his parents’ killers and stop an assassination, aided by a young Black Merlin.
c. Budget range: 15 to 30 million.
d. King Arthur reincarnates as a CIA agent, Adam Kingston, who is thrown out of the CIA for reasons he does not know, and he is soon joined by Merlin (now in a young Black body), who tells Adam/Arthur that it is time for him to fight dragons again, this time assassins who want to kill a U.S. Senator. While pursuing this gang, Adam discovers that one of its members murdered Adam’s parents when Adam was five. To get evidence, Adam learns time travel from Merlin, meets his own younger self, and saves his (Adam’s) life and that of his love interest by traveling to the future for healing.
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I am George Schwimmer. I’ve written ten scripts, four of them adaptations. Hope to learn how to successfully approach producers for paid writing assignments. I was a theatre director before I began writing, also have been a trained metaphysician for many years, practicing disciplines like Reiki, past life regression therapy and shamanic healing. Have also written stage plays and books.
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George Schwimmer
“I agree to the terms of this release form.”
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Something is wrong with my Facebook account and I can’t get into it. Send me your phone number to phoenix11productions@yahoo.com, and I’ll call you. OK?
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OK for tonight. Seven? Can you get your phone number to me? I don’t know how to communicate on this site.
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Hope, can we pair up for this exercise?
George Schwimmer