[Arial Burnz]

Subject: Arial’s Character Profiles

What I learned doing this assignment is…? That I don’t know my characters as much as I thought I did. Also, that it’s not as difficult to elevate them as I thought it would be.

Nikki Phillips-Sawyer (48)

REQUIRED:

1. Role in the story: Main Character
2. Core Character Traits (no more than five):
   ○ hates change
   ○ melancholy
   ○ independent
   ○ people pleaser
   ○ hopeful
3. Character Subtext Logline: Nikki is a middle-aged, empty-nester who’s put her life on hold while she waits for her missing daughter to come home.

OPTIONAL:

1. Flaw: She believes if she moves on with her life, she’s abandoning hope that her daughter will be found and come home.
2. Want/Need:
   ○ She wants her life back the way it was before her daughter went missing.
   ○ She needs to realize change is the only constant in the universe and life goes on.
3. Mission/Agenda: To reboot her house flipping business to support herself and provide her daughter with a soft place to land when she comes home.
4. Character Arc (if any): Goes from someone resisting change to being more flexible.
5. Something they don’t want to admit about themselves: She doesn’t want to admit she believes her daughter is dead. She believes that makes her a bad mother.
6. What makes this character unique? I think women going through their midlife change is poorly represented in TV and movies, and her struggles are not only relatable, but will give a fresh approach to this type of character.

Improvement: I’m thinking Nikki needs to be more afraid of getting old – dying her hair, using lots of age-defying skin products, working out, etc. I think it will help elevate her character in a couple of ways – shows how much she’s resistant to change and is kicking and screaming into this next phase of her life – middle age; it can be part of how she keeps herself busy/distracted from her missing daughter; I think it would give me more comedic opportunities.

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Skye Phillips-Montgomery (86-deceased)

REQUIRED:

1. Role in the story: Main Character’s Grandmother
2. Core Character Traits (no more than five):
   ○ Spunky
   ○ Brave
   ○ Good-humored
   ○ Needy
   ○ Mysterious
3. Character Subtext Logline: Skye is a woman who may have embraced her mystic gifts a little too much and got her family into a lot of trouble as a result.

OPTIONAL:

1. Flaw: She thinks she can fix everything.
2. Want/Need:
   ○ Want – to change the past
   ○ Need – her daughters’ love
3. Mission/Agenda: to fix the mistakes she’s made that have hurt her family
4. Character Arc (if any): Goes from trying to be the hero to realizing she can’t fix everything.
5. World View: The world is a dangerous place to be psychic.
6. Secret: She is partially responsible for all the turmoil in the family.
7. What makes this character unique? She’s a ghost!

Improvement: I’m adding “she’s needy” to the “something they don’t want to admit about themselves” trait. I always had that she wanted to fix everything she messed up in her family, but I think her motivation was missing. She’s dead. Why would it matter if things were left messed up after she went on to the afterlife? So her unfinished business, then, is the desperate need to fix everything…because her daughters hate her. She can’t move on until she’s won back their affections.

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Rhonda Fernandez (48)

REQUIRED:

1. Role in the story: Main Character’s Best Friend
2. Core Character Traits (no more than five):
3. ○ Supportive
4. ○ Honest
5. ○ Optimistic
6. Character Subtext Logline: Floundering with her own sense of being appreciated, Rhonda jumps into helping her best friend navigate her midlife crisis in hopes of avoiding her own.

OPTIONAL:

1. Flaw: She trusts people too easily

Improvement: I didn’t really know Rhonda as well as I thought, so I’m adding a Want and Need:<div>

○ Want – to find love again

<div>

○ Need – to feel she has a purpose. Since her divorce and her son going off to college, she feels useless.

This will help her related with Nikki, sympathize with her more, and we’ll get to see how her need to be loved could end up getting Nikki into trouble. SPOILER: Andrew, the man she goes on a date with in the pilot, is working for Tyler Croft, the man who has manipulated Nikki into buying a haunted house.

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Sharon Phillips (66)

REQUIRED:

1. Role in the story: Main Character’s Mother
2. Core Character Traits (no more than five):
   ○ Sarcastic
   ○ Cynical
   ○ In denial
   ○ Glamorous
   ○ Mysterious
3. Character Subtext Logline: Sharon is a psychic from a psychic family who refuses to embrace her abilities because she believes they’re dangerous.

OPTIONAL:

1. Flaw: She’s built up a lot of walls around her heart
2. Want/Need:
   ○ Want – for the family’s psychic abilities to go away by ignoring them and not passing on the knowledge.
   ○ Need – peace
3. Mission/Agenda: To bury the family secrets once and for all.
4. Life Metaphor/Identity: Change is inevitable. Don’t fight it. Embrace it!
5. Secret: Sharon not only has psychic abilities, she sees her beloved dead husband and can’t stand that she can’t be with him on the physical plane. She hates it so much, she purposefully gets involved in relationships to keep him away.
6. What makes this character unique? She is hypocrisy in the flesh!

Improvement: I think I need to tweak the want and need. She needs the love of her family. I think this adds to her tough exterior disguised by her sequence and behind her bottle of Merlot. What she wants is to NOT need the love of her family, because she thinks that makes her look weak, which is also why she’s not content in communicating with her dead husband. Not only would she have to admit she uses/has psychic abilities, but she would be admitting how much she needs and misses him.

</div></div>

[Arial Burnz]

Subject: Arial’s Story Beats

What I’ve learned doing this assignment is…I have a hard time keeping it short! LOL But seriously, this has provided a very easy way to isolate the problems in my script by looking at each one and elevating them to a higher level.

The underlined parts are the changes I’ve made to the rewritten scene descriptions.

Act 1

Why I’m inserting a teaser scene – The consistent feedback I’ve received in and out of this class is people are having a hard time figuring out the tone of my script. After reading articles and watching videos, I’ve learned that the first scene of any movie or TV show is what sets the tone. So, I thought this teaser scene would set the tone and show more of Nikki’s resistance to dealing with psychic abilities and the paranormal.

0. INT. MONTGOMERY HOUSE – NIGHT – 1979

New teaser scene – Young Nikki (5) is awakened by her mother and grandparents arguing, but it escalates into a nightmare when a demon is unleashed from a vase her grandmother Skye shatters to the living room floor. This is the night her grandfather died – taken by the demon.

FLAGGED BEAT* – 1. Opening: INT. SAWYER HOUSE – NIGHT – PRESENT DAY

Kildeer, IL (2:14am) – NIKKI PHILLIPS SAWYER gets a spectral visit from her grandmother, Skye, which she thinks it’s a dream. Granny tells her she’s inherited her psychic gifts, which skips every other generation. When Granny leaves, Nikki goes back to bed, but as soon as her head hits the pillow, her mother calls from Los Angeles – Granny just passed away.

*NOTES: Because I’m adding the teaser scene above, I think Nikki needs to be more frightened of the encounter than the casual dialogue I currently have in the script. This will make subtle changes in the scene…

REWRITTEN – 1. Opening: INT. SAWYER HOUSE – NIGHT – PRESENT DAY

Kildeer, IL (2:14am) – NIKKI PHILLIPS SAWYER gets a spectral visit from her grandmother, Skye, but she thinks it’s a nightmare. Granny tells her she’s inherited her psychic gifts, which skips every other generation. But Nikki is more interested in retreating, and going back to bed. A few moments later, her mother calls from Los Angeles – Granny just passed away.

2. EXT. PHILLIPS FAMILY MAUSOLEUM – DAY

Nikki attends Skye’s funeral with her mother and husband. Husband leaves and we see tension in the relationship. Nikki sees Skye’s ghost at the cemetery, and someone who looks like her daughter (Madison, who is missing), but both disappear. Nikki questions her sanity.

3. INT. HOTEL LOUNGE – LATER

Nikki and Sharon catch up over drinks, where Sharon confesses Granny was a kook and thought she was psychic. Sharon blames Skye for putting her sister, Dottie, into a mental ward. Nikki thinks there’s more to the story, but Sharon deflects and says Nikki is just under a lot of stress with her daughter missing and her husband asking for a divorce. Wait…what divorce? Sharon explains away the slip, saying she sees the tension. “Get on anti-depressants and you’ll be as right as rain.” Sharon departs.

4. Inciting Incident: INT. SAWYER HOUSE – NIGHT

When Nikki gets home, she and her husband argue. He’s willing to accept their missing daughter is dead and move on with his life. Nikki is not. He asks for a divorce, leaving Nikki speechless. Mom was right.

5. INT. SAWYER HOUSE – NIGHT – TWO WEEKS LATER

Nikki’s best friend, Rhonda, comes over to comfort Nikki. She was just served papers. Tim is asking Nikki to move out since the house is his. Madison’s bedroom is the only physical connection Nikki has left with her daughter. Rhonda convinces Nikki to move in with her.

6. INT. RHONDA’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Rhonda tries to cheer up Nikki by having wine, cheese, and crackers with a movie, but when Nikki unresponsive, Rhonda has a heart-to-heart. Nikki must move on with her life…but that doesn’t mean she’s giving up on her daughter. Nikki goes back to bed anyway, depressed.

7. Pg. 10: INT. RHONDA’S HOME OFFICE – DAY

The next day, Nikki tells Rhonda she thought about what she said, and she’s right. She’s going to get her life back on track and go back to her old profession of flipping houses to support herself, but she’ll still hang on to hope that Madison will one day come home.

Act 2A

FLAGGED BEAT* – 8. 1st Turning Point: INT. BAILEY HOUSE – DAY

A week later, Nikki has a “chance” meeting with Brian, a real estate agent, at the coffee shop. He shows her the Bailey House – an Old Victorian fixer upper. The place is creepy, but the price is right. She wants it, so Brian will draw up a contract and be in touch. When Nikki leaves, Brian has a phone conversation with the owner. They’re targeting Nikki to buy the house because of her family’s gifts of clairvoyance. WHY is a mystery!

*NOTES: I’m going to increase the creep factor of the house and Nikki will be more afraid of it in the rewrite. BUT the price will be too good to pass up on her meager budget, and she’ll push through her fears, repeating the mantra she and her mother mention in the lounge scene – ghosts are not real and psychic abilities are parlor tricks. I might even have her tell him she’ll think about it.

REWRITE – 8. 1st Turning Point: INT. BAILEY HOUSE – DAY

A week later, Nikki has a “chance” meeting with Brian, a real estate agent, at the coffee shop. He shows her the Bailey House – an Old Victorian fixer upper. The place is really creepy, but with her meager budget, the price is right. Still, she isn’t sure she wants it, so she tells Brian that she needs to think about it. When Nikki leaves, Brian has a phone conversation with the owner. She seems interested, but he thinks the house creeped her out a bit. He’ll get back to the owner once he hears something. They’re targeting Nikki to buy the house because of her family’s gifts of clairvoyance. WHY is a mystery!

FLAGGED BEAT* – 9. INT. RHONDA’S HOUSE – DAY

The rest of Nikki’s inheritance arrives – a safe from Granny – but there’s no combination “for security reasons”. Rhonda mentions she got a call from Andrew out of the blue and they have a date. Andrew is an old co-worker of theirs, and Nikki is happy for her friend. Nikki runs off to meet Brian. She’s getting the keys to the Bailey House today!

*NOTES: Since I have Nikki hesitate on buying the house, I’m showing here that she’s changed her mind and is moving forward.

REWRITE – 9. INT. RHONDA’S HOUSE – DAY

The rest of Nikki’s inheritance arrives – a safe from Granny – but there’s no combination “for security reasons”. Rhonda mentions she got a call from Andrew out of the blue and they have a date. Andrew is an old co-worker of theirs, and Nikki is happy for her friend. Nikki says Brian has the keys to the Bailey House. Rhonda says she’s glad Nikki changed her mind about buying it and is proud of her for pushing through her fears. Nikki agrees and runs off to meet Brian.

10. INT. BAILEY HOUSE – DAY

When Brian hands over the keys to the Bailey House, Nikki’s psychometry gift is triggered (she can see visions when she touches things). She sees flashes of dead bodies in various places around the house. Since she grew up being taught that psychic abilities are parlor tricks, she plays off the experience, not wanting to appear crazy.

11. EXT. BAILEY HOUSE – DAY

After Nikki drives off, Brian calls Tyler Croft, the former owner of the Bailey House, informing him of Nikki’s experience, which he obviously noticed. Is Tyler sure she is clairvoyant? Seems more like psychometry. Tyler is certain. The family members have more gifts than just clairvoyance, but Brian’s job is done. Tyler says he’s sending in someone else to keep a closer eye on her work.

12. INT. RHONDA’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Andrew comes to pick up Rhonda for their date, but also offers his services as interior designer. His reason – helping out a friend. Nikki gladly accepts.

FLAGGED BEAT* – 13. INT. RHONDA’S HOUSE – MOMENTS LATER

Up until this point, Nikki has been avoiding Skye’s ghost, thinking she’s seeing things. This time, Skye appears in front of the TV. Nikki can’t ignore her now. Skye proves to Nikki ghosts and psychic abilities are real by giving her the combination to the safe.

The safe contains a family Grimoire and a protective amethyst necklace. Skye tells her to wear it always. Then she leaves Nikki to let all this sink in, with a promise they’ll spend more time to get to know each other and Skye will teach her how to use her abilities.

*NOTES: I’m adding that Nikki is creeped out by the Grimoire and tells Skye she doesn’t plan to read it, nor is she keen to learn her abilities, but I’ll hint that she’s still a little curious about the tome by giving it a tiny peek at the end of the scene.

REWRITE – 13. INT. RHONDA’S HOUSE – MOMENTS LATER

Up until this point, Nikki has been avoiding Skye’s ghost, thinking she’s seeing things. This time, Skye appears in front of the TV. Nikki can’t ignore her now. Skye proves to Nikki ghosts and psychic abilities are real by giving her the combination to the safe.

The safe contains a family Grimoire and a protective amethyst necklace. Skye tells her to wear it always. Then she leaves Nikki to let all this sink in, with a promise they’ll spend more time to get to know each other and Skye will teach her how to use her abilities.

Nikki doesn’t like any of this and sets them both aside like they’re contaminated. Though upsetting to Skye, she understands and says she’ll give Nikki time to let it all sink in, with a promise they’ll spend more time to get to know each other. When Skye leaves, Nikki is unsettled…but her curiosity has her peering at the Grimoire. She pinches the corner of the cover and carefully lifts it to peek inside.

Act 2B

14. INT. BAILEY HOUSE – DAY

Nikki’s contractor friends, Brent & Dana Halister, help her move into the recently remodeled master bedroom and bath. We learn Andrew works for Croft Industries, but the name is lost on Nikki (hint: Tyler Croft). They all hear footsteps in one of the other bedrooms, but they explain it away. Brent & Dana leave, excited to start working on the rest of the house next week.

15. Mid-Point: INT. BAILEY HOUSE – NIGHT

As Nikki’s getting ready for bed, Skye appears and warns Nikki she isn’t alone. She tells her to put the protective necklace on. When they investigate, Nikki has a horrifying encounter with a ghost that has a broken neck! She runs screaming from the house.

16. INT. NIKKI’S MINIVAN – MOMENTS LATER

Nikki hightails it out of the house and takes off in her minivan. But Granny appears in the passenger seat, startling Nikki and asking why she ran. Uh…GHOSTS! Granny convinces Nikki to do some research on the house to see if they can learn who’s haunting it. That she can do! But she’s spending the night at Rhonda’s.

17. 2nd Turning Point: INT. LINDOW PUBLIC LIBRARY – DAY

The next morning, Nikki goes to the library and learns the house was built by Arthur Bailey in 1874. His wife killed their two children and threw herself out the attic window. Arthur shot himself six weeks later. And worse, almost every resident after the tragedy has died in similar ways. Nikki realizes she’s in danger and feels like she’s been swindled. She calls Brian, pissed.

FLAGGED BEAT* – 18. INT. RHONDA’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Nikki catches Rhonda up on everything that’s happened. Although Rhonda can’t see her, Skye is sitting beside her on the couch. After Nikki vents her frustrations at being stuck with a house she can’t sell and she’s in danger, Skye assures her she’s not in danger. With her experience and Nikki’s new psychic abilities, they can do this. Nikki reluctantly agrees to go back to the Bailey House.

*NOTES: If I add the teaser scene, I think I need to add a little more hesitation on Nikki’s part and possibly have her bring up the nightmares she had as a kid. I might even have Skye’s expression indicate she knows more about those nightmares than Nikki thinks. We as readers know Skye’s aware those weren’t nightmares, but I’ll have her keep her mouth shut because she’s trying to convince Nikki to go to the house, not scare her away from it. Changes will be made in the dialogue, so I won’t rewrite this beat here.

Act 3

19. EXT. BAILEY HOUSE – NIGHT

Lesson #1: To get rid of ghosts, you need to resolve their unfinished business. And that means just talking to them. They look scary, and they can be intimidating, but they aren’t dangerous once you figure out what they want. Trembling like a leaf, Nikki follows her grandmother into the house.

FLAGGED BEAT* –20. Crisis: INT. BAILEY HOUSE – MOMENTS LATER

Nikki doesn’t like splitting up, but Skye insists they’ll be fine. She goes into the kitchen while Nikki goes upstairs. Although Nikki sees the ghost, she doesn’t have a chance to talk to her. Grandma Skye is attacked in the living room! Nikki rushes down to defend her grandmother. The amulet is glowing. Nikki rushes the dark entity and takes a swing. The necklace gives her the power to ward off the entity and it dissolves like chafe on the wind. But it’s not gone. An exhausted Skye says to regroup outside.

*NOTES: I’m not happy with this ending. Nikki overcomes the dark entity way too easily. So, at end of the scene where she gets the Grimoire from Skye, I’ve inserted Nikki’s curiosity over it. This enables me to insert here Nikki using the amulet with something she’s learned from the Grimoire to ward off the evil entity…

REWRITE –20. Crisis: INT. BAILEY HOUSE – MOMENTS LATER

Nikki doesn’t like splitting up, but Skye insists they’ll be fine. She goes into the kitchen while Nikki goes upstairs. Although Nikki sees the ghost, she doesn’t have a chance to talk to her. Grandma Skye is attacked in the living room! Nikki rushes down to defend her grandmother. The entity knocks her on her ass, but that’s when she notices the amulet glowing around her neck. She holds the pendant in one fist, extends her other hand at the dark entity and says a few words in Latin. The dark entity howls and dissolves like chafe on the wind. But it’s not gone. An exhausted Skye says, “I thought you weren’t going to read the Grimoire.” Nikki sheepishly admits she might have taken a tiny peek at it. Skye says to regroup outside.

FLAGGED BEAT* – 21. Climax & Resolution: EXT. BAILEY HOUSE – MOMENTS LATER

When Skye doesn’t appear right away, Nikki thinks she may have lost her. This loss compounds with the grief over her missing daughter and Nikki is reduced to sobs. But Skye reappears. Nikki’s grateful, but Skye realizes Nikki’s emotional state has more to do with Madison.

Skye assures Nikki her daughter is still alive. Madison wasn’t there at the white light to greet Skye when she passed over. This is a huge indication she’s still among the living. Skye vows to help Nikki do whatever she can to find Madison.

Skye shares that the house situation is more complicated than a classic haunting. They have to get rid of that dark entity before they can get rid of the other ghosts. First, they need to figure out what it is and why it’s there.

Nikki is faced with two choices: Abandoning this project and losing most of her inheritance OR facing her fears and accomplishing her goal of starting a new life. She’s been kicked out of one home. She doesn’t want to get kicked out of another, so she opts to face her fears as long as Granny is there to help. Skye assures her, “This ghost thing, we got. Your midlife crisis stuff? That’s gonna take more work.” They hold hands and go back into the house, determined to solve its mysteries.

*NOTES: So, with the new teaser scene added, I’m thinking of adding a demon, which only Skye will notice…but not say anything to Nikki. Then Skye encouraging Nikki to learn her abilities and tackle the house will become more useful than she knows…and leave that dangling.

REWRITE – 21. Climax & Resolution: EXT. BAILEY HOUSE – MOMENTS LATER

When Skye doesn’t appear right away, Nikki thinks she may have lost her. This loss compounds with the grief over her missing daughter and Nikki is reduced to sobs. But Skye reappears. Nikki’s grateful, but Skye realizes Nikki’s emotional state has more to do with Madison.

While Skye comforts Nikki, she sees a gargoyle-like demon with glowing green eyes perched on a streetlamp, watching them. Though worried, she does not say anything to Nikki.

Skye assures Nikki her daughter is still alive. Madison wasn’t there at the white light to greet Skye when she passed over. This is a huge indication she’s still among the living. Skye vows to help Nikki do whatever she can to find Madison.

Skye shares that the house situation is more complicated than a classic haunting. They have to get rid of that dark entity before they can get rid of the other ghosts. First, they need to figure out what it is and why it’s there.

Skye presents Nikki with two choices: “Abandon this project and risk losing most of your inheritance, or face your fears, learn to use your abilities, and accomplish your goal of starting a new life.” Nikki says she’s been kicked out of one home. She doesn’t want to get kicked out of another, so she opts to face her fears as long as Granny is there to help. Skye assures her, “This ghost thing, we got. Your midlife crisis stuff? That’s gonna take more work. But I have a feeling your abilities will be more useful than you know.” They hold hands and go back into the house, determined to solve its mysteries. The demon hunkers down for his watchful vigil.

22. Closing Teaser: INT. KILDEER MENTAL HOSPITAL – NIGHT

We see Aunt Dottie at the mental ward. While a gargoyle-like demon with glowing ice-blue eyes is sucking out her psychic energy, her sister Snookie’s spirit comforts her through the pain. What are the dark secrets this family is hiding???

[Arial Burnz]

I am still brainstorming my scene options for the Climax, which is the plot point that I like the least.

[Arial Burnz]

Sorry! I thought I posted this already! Here’s assignment #2…

Subject: Arial’s Basic Structure Version 1

“What I’ve learned doing this assignment is…?” Tone is super important and I learned I had no clue what tone was. How I saw the script in my head is NOT what people were reflecting back to me about what they felt when they read it. That’s my fault, and after doing a little homework on tone, that’s the biggest thing I need to fix.

But I also learned that reviewing the structure at this high level helps a lot of with not only determining problems, but standing back far enough from the story to see the flaws.

Title: Haunted Fixer-Upper (1-hour TV Pilot)

Logline:* After her husband asks for a divorce, a middle-aged housewife must flip haunted houses with the help of her grandmother’s spirit.

Main Conflict (for the series): Nikole has purchased a haunted house to flip and must learn to use her newly inherited psychic gifts in order to rid of the ghosts so she can sell the house. (Selling the house is the season-long problem.)

Opening: Visited by her deceased grandmother, Skye, Nikole learns she’s inherited her grandmother’s psychic abilities when Skye passes away in the middle of the night.

Inciting Incident: Nikole’s husband asks for a divorce when Nikole won’t move on after their daughter has been M.I.A. for three years.

By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Kicked out of her home, Nikole moves in with her best friend Rhonda and decides to reboot her old career of flipping houses to support herself, while still hanging onto the hope that her daughter is still alive.

First turning point at end of Act 1: Nikole has a “chance” meeting with a real estate agent who sells her an old Victorian house to renovate (The Bailey House). What Nikole doesn’t know is Brian and the seller of the house have targeted her because of her family’s psychic abilities.

Mid-Point: When Nikole gets the keys to The Bailey House, she has her first real psychic experience and sees dead bodies everywhere. However, she’s still in denial that she has any abilities and ignores the visions.

Second turning point at end of Act 2: Nikole’s moved into the newly renovated master bedroom at The Bailey House and has a face-to-face encounter with Clara May Bailey – a ghost. Confirmed: This place is haunted!

Crisis: Nikole now has a haunted house with a notorious history and not only learns it’s one of the reasons it sold so cheap, but every resident prior to her has died in ways similar to the founding family! She may be stuck with a haunted house she can’t sell AND her life is in danger.

Climax: With the help of her grandmother’s spirit, Nikole attempts to discover the unfinished business of the ghost residents. But an unexpected Dark Entity attacks Grandma Skye and she almost loses her grandmother. Her problem is bigger than she thought.

Resolution: Treading lightly is not an option in getting rid of the ghosts, but Nikole isn’t about to be kicked out of another home. Skye can’t resolve her unfinished business until Nikole learns to use her newly acquired abilities, so Skye vows to help Nikole so she can do the renovations and sell the house. This midlife crisis thing, though? Nikole might be on her own.

———————————–

Arial’s Basic Structure Version 2

Main Conflict: Nikole has purchased a haunted house to flip and must learn to use her newly inherited clairvoyance in order to rid of the ghosts so she can sell the house. (Selling the house is the season-long problem.)

Opening: Visited by her deceased grandmother Skye, Nikole learns she’s inherited her grandmother’s psychic abilities when Skye passes away in the middle of the night.

***TONE is the big thing I’ll be changing in the script, and this scene especially will be rewritten to reflect that tone. Less middle-class suburbia and more creepy, haunted house/haunted life stuff going on. I might even add a teaser scene showing why Nikki’s mother is unaccepting of the family abilities, and why Nikki did not grow up learning about them, making her unprepared for the time she inherits them.

Inciting Incident: Nikole’s husband asks for a divorce when Nikole won’t move on after their daughter has been M.I.A. for three years.

By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Kicked out of her home, Nikole moves in with her best friend Rhonda and decides to reboot her old career of flipping houses to support herself, while still hanging onto the hope that her daughter is still alive.

First turning point at end of Act 1: Nikole has a “chance” meeting with a real estate agent who sells her an old Victorian house to renovate (The Bailey House). What Nikole doesn’t know is Brian and the seller of the house have targeted her because of her family’s psychic abilities.

Mid-Point: When Nikole gets the keys to The Bailey House, she has her first real psychic experience and sees dead bodies everywhere. She’s still in denial that she has any abilities and pretends they didn’t happen

Second turning point at end of Act 2: Nikole’s moved into the newly renovated master bedroom at The Bailey House and has a face-to-face encounter with Clara May Bailey – a ghost. Confirmed: This place is haunted! She cannot be in denial about her situation.

Crisis: Nikole now has a haunted house with a notorious history and not only learns it’s one of the reasons it sold so cheap, but every resident prior to her has died in ways similar to the founding family! She may be stuck with a haunted house she can’t sell AND her life is in danger.

Climax: With the help of her grandmother’s spirit, Nikole attempts to discover the unfinished business of the ghost residents. But an unexpected Dark Entity attacks Grandma Skye and she almost loses her. Her problem is bigger than she thought.

***This seemed a little too…convenient? Easy? Anti-climactic? I’m thinking about bringing in the presence or knowledge that Skye’s husband, Drake – also Nikki’s grandfather – is not actually dead, but alive, and part of Granny’s unfinished business.

Resolution: Treading lightly is not an option in getting rid of the ghosts, but Nikole isn’t about to be kicked out of another home. Skye can’t resolve her unfinished business until Nikole learns to use her newly acquired abilities, so Skye vows to help Nikole so she can do the renovations and sell the house. This midlife crisis thing, though? Nikole might be on her own.

***The change in the climax will not change the resolution. Nik will still have the same resolve, but I think Nik sticking to resolving the issue of the house will also be vowing to resolve the issue of the hidden secrets in the family, too.

*A special thanks to Daniel Rangel for his help in tightening up my logline!

[Arial Burnz]

What I’ve learned doing this assignment is…

Writing a one-page synopsis is not has hard as writing a blurb for a novel! LOL

Title: Haunted Fixer-Upper (1-hour TV Pilot)

Logline: When a middle-aged housewife is thrust into a divorce, she returns to flipping houses and discovers her first property is haunted. With the help of her grandmother’s spirit, she must get rid of the ghosts before they get rid of her.

One-Page Synopsis

Nikole Phillips-Sawyer is a middle-aged empty nester whose marriage is failing. When she awakens to pee in the middle of the night, she encounters her grandmother – Skye Phillips-Montgomery.

What Nikole thinks is a dream is actually a spectral visit from Skye, who delivers the news that Nikole has just inherited her family psychic gifts. Moments later, Nikole’s mother calls with the bad news – Grandma Skye just passed away.

After the funeral, Nikole and her mother, Sharon, share a drink to catch up and Nikole learns some family secrets – Granny was a kook who thought she was psychic, and she’s the reason Aunt Dottie has been in a mental hospital. But that’s Sharon’s story and perspective. After the dream she had and the recent sightings of Skye’s ghost, Nikole isn’t so sure her mother has the facts straight.

However, Nikole has bigger things to worry about. Her daughter, Madison, has been M.I.A. since she disappeared during her US Air Force deployment to the Middle East three years ago. Although her husband is willing to accept their daughter is dead, Nikole refuses, so her husband asks for a divorce. Nikole has no choice but to move in with her best friend, Rhonda Fernandez.

Rhonda, being the no-nonsense friend she is, helps Nikole realize moving on with her life doesn’t mean she’s giving up on her daughter. So, Nikole falls back on her old career of flipping houses.

In a “chance” meeting with a real estate agent, Nikole buys a Victorian fixer upper. What Nikole doesn’t realize is the seller of house knows her family history and has targeted Nikole to work on the Bailey House. His agenda? Unknown.

Grandma Skye is finally able to get Nikole to speak with her and proves talking to ghosts isn’t so bad after all. Nikole learns Skye has unfinished business and Nikole must learn to use her newly inherited gifts to help her resolve it so she can move on.

The following week, Nikole moves into the Bailey House and has a horrific encounter with the ghostly residents. This house is haunted! And a little research uncovers that the previous owners have all died in the same ways as the original owners. Nikole might very well be next if she doesn’t learn to get rid of the ghosts.

Skye and Nikole venture back into the house to confront the ghosts, but they learn the hauntings are more complicated than a classic haunting. Nikole is tired of getting kicked when she’s down and turns to Skye for help. “Ghosts we can handle, Bunny,” says Skye. “But this midlife crisis stuff? We’re going to have to work on that together.” Nikole takes Skye’s spectral hand, and they march back into the house to being this journey of self-discovery.

In a closer scene, we see Aunt Dottie in the mental hospital being comforted by her dead sister, Snookie. Hovering over Dottie, feeding off her psychic energy, is a gargoyle-like demon. Exactly what kind of family secrets is Sharon hiding?

————

The series-long problem is Nikole solving the mystery of who is haunting the house while trying to renovate her own life.

[Arial Burnz]

Hello, Everyone!

My name is Arial Burnz (pen name) and I’ve written a dozen novels in the paranormal romance and psychic mystery romance genres. I have written a TV Pilot and I’m working on an adaptation of “The Count of Monte Cristo” for a fantasy, gender-flipped feature film – “The Countess of Mount Crystal”.

Something Unique: I have paranormal on the brain when it comes to writing. I’m sure no matter what idea that pops into my head, I can give it a paranormal twist – either ghosts, vampire, shifters, magic…whatever. It’s my superpower.

[Arial Burnz]

Arial Burnz.

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Arial Burnz]

I know it’s going to take me some time to rewrite the script with the new changes I’ve made, so I will have to revisit this page at a later date. I need to give my brain a little time to recover from this intense course and get through my first official and finished draft before I request feedback. Gotta long way to go, but at least I’ve made it this far!

I will check back to see if anyone else needs feedback, though.

Good luck, everyone!

[Arial Burnz]

Subject line: Arial’s Chronological Edit

What
I learned doing this assignment is…how my story keeps changing no matter how many times I go through the outline! LOL Obviously, there’s always something to improve, but the good news about working with the story from the perspective of nailing the outline is I will have less rewriting with the script if I can lock down the flow of the story.

I am still at the stage where I’m tweaking the outline, but I’m still using these assignments on the outline itself, giving me the opportunity to hone in on the meat of the story. Once I feel comfortable enough to actually start writing the descriptions and dialogue, then I will reapply the exercises in this course to iron out the wrinkles that naturally come along with rewrites.

I think I’ve reworked Act 4 of this script four times, and I know I’ll still have changes, but it’s helping me lock down a better ending.

[Arial Burnz]

Subject line: Arial’s Synopsis for Producer Interview

Title: The Dagger & The Sheath

Genre: Fantasy Adventure

Logline:

Indiana Jones meets the Old West.

Upon the death of his father, a reclusive trapper inherits half of an empty gold mine on a broken-down ranch in New Mexico and, unfortunately, the debt that goes along with it. But with the promise of a treasure buried on the land, his new partner refuses to sell and the billionaire buying up the town won’t take no for an answer.

Synopsis:

Emerald Quinn and her father Neil have worked hard to keep their land – and what’s left of their family – in one piece. People don’t take kindly to half-breeds and the Irish-Native American wildcat has learned to trust the accuracy of the blades at her hips to survive. But daggers are useless against the dangerously handsome man she must share her land with, who threatens to penetrate her defenses and steal her heart.

The murder of Karl Hoffman’s father brings him reluctantly out West to reclaim his half of the property for which his father died and the very thing that tore his family apart. However, sharing the land with the dagger-toting wildcat, Emmy, definitely makes the journey more interesting, and there’s more to this raven-haired temptation than just daggers and a sharp tongue.

Fate binds them together through an ancient legend and there’s more at stake than just saving their land from repossession. They hold the key to the legend and its legacy, which may not only save their love but their lives.

——————

It’s a fantasy adventure and an idea I had a hundred years ago when I was in my twenties and first started writing. Never got it published, but I thought it would make a fun movie! Originally, it was supposed to be an historical romance, but I’m toying with the idea that it could be updated with a contemporary couple. I could even make it a romcom!

[Arial Burnz]

Subject: Producer Interview Experience

What I learned doing this assignment is…there are definitely different approaches to giving a writer feedback on a story versus a producer, even if this was a mock interview.

One of the issues the questions didn’t seem to cover was how do you find out from the producer what their experience is with storytelling?

Or at least in a way that doesn’t sound like you’re talking to a novice.

I’ve never talked screenwriting with producers before. My only experience with talking with non-writers about stories is most people are completely clueless about story structure and the demands screenwriting puts on that rigid structure. I find myself being more of a teacher in such situations.

I can’t imagine a producer not knowing such mechanics of telling a story, but I’m not sure how deep they usually go or what is typical of most producers. Having a vision of a story is one thing – most people can do that. Knowing how stories are structured is something entirely different.

MY EXPERIENCE

Kim Kookendoffer and I got on Zoom today and conducted our interviews. From the producer side, it was a lot of fun! Who doesn’t like talking about their story ideas? This is one of my favorite parts of storytelling – brainstorming to develop a tale and coming up with the vision.

During our interview, we explored the idea of possibly making the movie a contemporary RomCom instead of a period piece in the Old West. Either way sounds like a lot of fun, so I have some things to mull over.

[Arial Burnz]

Subject line: Arial’s Key Business Decisions

What I learned doing this assignment is…there’s a lot about the business side I don’t know!

Give us the decisions that are in your current High Budget script:

• Genre – Fantasy

• Title – The Countess of Monte Cristal

• Concept – This movie is a gender-flipped version of The Count of Monte Cristo, but set in a fantasy world. It’s about a woman who is betrayed by her closest friends and convicted of a crime she didn’t commit. She escapes to seek vengeance.

• Audience – Males & Females above Age 25

• Budget – High budget (based on the specification of the assignment)

• Lead Characters – all female

○ Protagonist: Aylen – half-elf, age 18 at the start, but ages to 33 by the midpoint

○ Antagonist 1: Kylantha, best friend to protagonist – full-blood elf, age 18 at the start, but ages to 33 by the midpoint

○ Antagonist 2: Syndra, mentor while Aylen is in prison – human sorceress, age 50 when she meets heroine at the beginning of Act 3, but ages to 60 by the midpoint

• Journey / Character Arc – Aylen starts the story as a naïve half-elf apprentice dress maker who is betrayed by her best friend and co-worker and sent to prison for a crime she didn’t commit. The hard life in prison, and her mentor Syndra, teaches Aylen wisdom, magic and the hard lesson that we cannot change the past, but must instead carve our own destiny to live a life free from regret.

• Opening / Ending

○ Opening – While Aylen is in the underbelly of the city buying medicine for her ailing mother, she notices the magical flyers (paper birds) she and her best friend created are in the wrong location! They were meant to generate business for the dress shop where they work, but the paper birds are attracting the seedy disreputable crowd. In an attempt to snatch up the flyers, she attracts the attention of some unsavory characters who give chase as Aylen zips and dodges through the city to escape while taking as many errant flyers with her as possible.

○ Ending – Having learned magic and gained unimaginable riches, Aylen must face the best friend who betrayed her, who has risen to through her noble ranks to take the throne and is a powerful sorceress in her own right. The two mages must fight to the death or Aylen will lose everything she’s gained and everyone she loves.

2. Tell us which of those decisions you could improve to make your script more marketable. I could probably tighten up the Opening visuals. I have the advantage of adapting a well-loved and well-known story, so I think this script has a lot going for it, but that might be my weakness.

[Arial Burnz]

Subject line: Arial’s Specialty — Fantasy Drama & Dramedies

What I learned doing this assignment is…to dig down deep about why I’m such a fan of the movies I love to watch and write.

Although the PDF provided did not have a sheet for Fantasy, I took the liberty of applying the very similar genre conventions of Sci-Fi, but with some tweaks, which I’ve included at the end of this assignment.

MOVIE #1

Genre: Fantasy

Title: Lord of the Rings – The Fellowship of the Ring

How it delivered on the genre conventions:

As stated below, the main focus of a fantasy story is to immerse the audience in a fantastical world, and often a world they would love to be a part of. Lord of the Rings delivers that on two planes – a medieval-type environment with magic and mystical creatures fantasy lovers ache to meet – elves, hobbits, wizards, magic rings and items, terrifying orcs, goblins and evil wizards.

For the sub-genre aspect, this is a drama of one hobbit’s journey – a hero’s journey – where he not only gains confidence in his own abilities, but discovers his courage and how important friends are. He is changed so dramatically throughout the entire series of stories making up the Lord of the Rings trilogy, that he is no longer able to return home with his friends and goes on to live with the elves.

Outline of the movie, highlighting the parts that fulfill the genre:

For the first movie of the trilogy, Frodo Baggins is sucked into an ancient legend of The One Ring and the rise of the Dark Lord Sauron. Because of his unusual resistance to the power of The Ring, Frodo bears the burden of destroying the ring before Sauron can reclaim it. Such a task requires taking the ring Mount Doom where it was forged, and the only place it can be destroyed. Fantasy lovers can relate to Frodo because he’s an ordinary person called to be a part of an extraordinary journey. He is challenged in ways that highlight his simple nature but also his courageous spirit, which we hope to see in ourselves. We admire Frodo and can see ourselves in his shoes as well as become invested in his journey.

MOVIE #2

Genre: Fantasy

Title: Spider-Man: No Way Home

How it delivered on the genre conventions:

Another movie of a fantastical world. Fantasy lovers and superhero fans alike wish we could live in a world where superheroes exist, but even be a superhero ourselves. Peter Parker is one such favorite, because he is us – an ordinary person whose fate was changed by an extraordinary event: being bitten by a radioactive spider. Any of us could see ourselves in his shoes, wish for his powers, make a difference in the lives of people around us.

Outline of the movie, highlighting the parts that fulfill the genre:

Again, fantastical worlds with creatures and people with abilities we’d love to have or witness in our own world. In this Spider-Man movie (one of many), young Peter Parker battles with the consequences of his superhero status. The people around him, whom he loves dearly, have paid the price of just knowing him, and some have lost their lives. So Peter calls upon his friend Dr. Strange, “a Sorcerer Supreme who is the primary protector of Earth against magical and mystical threats,” (reference Wikipedia) to help him create a spell that will make those closest to him forget he is Spider-Man. However, because of Peter’s indecision of how the spell should affect those around him, the magic cracks the fabric of the multiverse and several versions of Peter Parkers in multiple alternate universes – as well as the enemies of Spider-Man – cross over into Peter’s world and the young superhero must fix what he’s broken.

We admire Peter for the way he sticks to his personal convictions of protecting all life and not judging people perceived as evil – to the point where he would risk his own life and his relationships with his loved ones to preserve life. He is a courageous young man we cannot help empathizing or sympathizing with, even wish we could be. And the Marvel world is intricately connected through the various movies of the featured characters. This is world the audience loves to spend time in, as the continuing stories connect and allow for such deep and desired exploration.

FANTASY GENRE CONVENTIONS

As a reference, movies I think fall in this genre: Lord of the Rings, Willow, Dune, Harry Potter, The Princess Bride, Pirates of the Caribbean, almost any Disney movie, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Nanny McFee, Superhero movies, Edward Scissorhands, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Chronicles of Narnia, The Dark Crystal, Locke & Key, Spiderwick, Time Bandits, Labyrinth, Highlander, Ladyhawke.

Many of these movies appeared at the top of the Google search results for “Top Fantasy Movies.”

PURPOSE: To create the experience of excitement for the audience by exploring worlds with fantastic elements of magic, supernatural or preternatural powers available to all or limited characters in the stories.

FANTASTIC WORLDS: Usually, the world of the story is dramatically different from our current world, in one or more major ways. The setting could also be our world with some major shift. (Adapted from the same definition used in sci-fi conventions.) Worlds are very often in a time period similar to the medieval or renaissance eras of our world, but can also take place in contemporary settings. Whether magic or the supernatural are known or unknown/secret to the general populace varies depending on the plot.

MAGIC/SUPERNATURAL: The circumstances of the world are based more out of mystical or magical powers interacting with the world around the characters, and how those powers affect those in the world. There are often rules and restrictions established early in the story and weighing the consequences of using such powers.

MYTHICAL CREATURES: Stories frequently include magical or mystical creatures, spiritual beings or monsters, which inhabit the settings, and the consequences of interacting with such creatures.

INCREDIBLE VISUALS: In exploring the fantastic world of the story, we see strange creatures – ranging from bizarre (e.g., orcs, goblins, gryphons) to somewhat familiar (e.g, unicorns, Pegasus, talking animals) – and visual manifestations of the powers used, such as mystic light effects, transformation of objects, or objects moving on their own, to name a few.

SOCIAL CULTURE: Social issues are frequently exaggerated compared to our current place and time (e.g., extreme poverty, slavery, racial discrimination, monarchies with overreaching power, etc.) and feature lawlessness or a limited reach of authority. Stories often revolve around good versus evil and end-of-the-world scenarios, or villains striving for world domination.

SUB-GENRE: The World/Magic is the environment. The sub-genre gives us the story. (Again, taken from the Sci-Fi Conventions. I’m assuming “the sub-genre gives us the story” means drama, comedy, thriller, etc. set in the fantasy world, yes?)

[Arial Burnz]

Subject: Arial’s Solved Scene Problems

What I learned doing this assignment is…a great way to reduce or eliminate cliché scenes! I tend to get married to the original version of the scene and this idea of brainstorming 4-5 different ways to do the same scene is brilliant.

At this time, the rewrites that I did for the first beat sheet have to be implemented into the draft of the script, so I’m going to see about reading the rest of the lessons and then come back to this and make some notes.

Loving this class!

[Arial Burnz]

I actually made quite a few changes to the outline, but didn’t record exactly what changes I made, and I have too much going on to weed back through the manuscript to compare and record them here. But here are two examples…

OPENING SCENES – My opening wasn’t strong enough, so I changed quite a bit. Instead of having my main character getting bullied, I have her in a seedy part of town buying black-market medicine for her mother. We find out that Aylen’s mother is dying right up front and pull on the heartstrings a bit. Then she gets chased by a couple of street thugs, one of whom she scratches across the cheek. I’m going to use this guy as the messenger for later in the story. Gives me a good reason as to why the messenger picked Aylen to deliver the letter that gets her into trouble.

TURNING POINT 1 – I up the stakes just a little, having Aylen’s best friend Key lie to her, saying that both she and Aylen’s boyfriend turned her in for the treasonous letter so they can get Aylen out of the way and be together. This crushes Aylen and she doesn’t fight the royal prefects when they come to arrest her.

[Arial Burnz]

Subject: Arial’s Solved Character Problems

What I learned doing this assignment is…this is a nice way to check in with the characters I’ve created in my mind and be sure they are distinct, unique and engaging.

A. Weak Protagonist or Antagonist

a. Protagonist – Even though she’s going to be a bit of a doormat and naïve, I’m going to show her being frustrated with the way people tend to push her around. She isn’t just going to sit back and take it, like I had before. She’ll grin and bear it, then express her frustrations privately or with her boyfriend and mother. I think appearance-wise, too, I might make her a bit awkward, gangly, skinny.

b. Antagonist 1 – I’m thinking of adding some challenges that Kylantha may create for Aylen regarding their friendship. Pushing the envelope with some of her behavior, which causes Aylen to grit in frustration over what her friend wants or demands of her. Came up with a great idea, which will change the intro for Aylen.

c. Antagonist 2 – Syndra, in my opinion, will indeed be challenging Aylen in so many ways – with learning, physical combat training, using magic, challenging her reasons for wanting revenge, etc. – I don’t think I’ll need to change this.

B. Protagonist Too Good or Antagonist Too Bad

a. Protagonist – This exercise gave me an idea to pump up Aylen’s opening scene by changing where she catches the paper bird. See below in “Weak Character Intros.”

b. Antagonist 1 – I’m going to make Kylantha a bit more likable from the start and have her jealousy be something that is a little more covert. She’ll have a temper tantrum in private versus being so open about her distaste of Aylen.

c. Antagonist 2 – Syndra, in my opinion, is already a very interesting character, so I don’t think I need to work on her.

C. Weak Character Intros

a. Protagonist – Instead of the intro I came up with (holding her palm our for the paper bird and then it being taking away), I was thinking of instead putting her in the slimy part of town buying black-market medicine for her mother. The paper bird will still fly around, but go into this area and Aylen will grab it from the air, cursing. “These aren’t supposed to be down here!” She panics and runs around grabbing as many of them as she can, causing a commotion, which attracts the attention of some unsavory characters. Aylen is on the run, still snatching paper birds as she weaves through the seedy part of Radario. By the time she gets to her destination (work), she is a mess! And her worst fears are realized – those flyers in the wrong part of town attracted the wrong crowd to the job! The owner will be pissed and Aylen will NOT get promoted as originally planned, but instead will get a royal scolding and a punishment – she will have to stay late to inventory the new shipment of fabrics and notions. This will not only make it more interesting, but there will be action right from the opening of the story.

b. Antagonist – In connection with Aylen’s intro, Kylantha is the one who enchanted the papers to fold into origami-type birds, but she sabotaged Aylen’s idea by altering the spell to send the flyers into the bad parts of town. When Aylen confronts her, she’ll defend herself saying, “You’re the one who told me to have the birds seek out anyone in the city who needed a tailor or new clothes. I can’t help it if you didn’t give me the right words to say.” What Aylen doesn’t know, which she’ll find out later, is intention is a big part of using magic. The intention behind the spell is just as important as the words you use to cast it.

D. Characters Not in Action – I will definitely be sure I use action over dialogue when I go through the script to rewrite. This is a great tip!

E. Protagonist Journey Not Strong – I will be sure to watch for this and challenge her every step of the way.

F. All of the Characters Seem the Same – I’ve already started implementing different dialogue styles and speech tags.

G. Lead Characters Not Present – I got this one! Check!

[Arial Burnz]

Subject: Arial’s Solved Structural Problems

What I learned doing this assignment is…to be flexible in learning about the story as I write it. As Aaron Sorkin said in an interview, “By the time you finish writing your first draft, you may learn your story might not be about what you originally intended. Your second draft gives you the chance to rewrite the new story as it was meant to be.” (My paraphrase.)

ACT 1

Opening/Old Ways

Title sequence follows paper bird to Aylen, where we see she is more of a follower than a leader. Jealous best friend, loving boyfriend, sickly mother, gets promoted from Apprentice to Dress Maker.

Structure Questions:

Is this an engaging opening scene that lures us into the story? I think so! This is fantasy story, so the opening scene will be the dazzling sight of an Elven city filled with various races of people (e.g., elves, dwarves, humans, hobbits, etc.) and we’ll get a peek at some of the fantasy creatures…a perfect lure for fantasy lovers!

Is the lead character clearly living in a pre-transformation mode? Yes! Aylen is a naïve apprentice dress maker who allows herself to be bullied by her co-workers and is oblivious to her best friend’s jealousy.

Do the “Old Ways” show up in their behavior and dialogue? Yes. She is submissive, makes excuses for the abuse happening to her, and is in denial about many things around her.

Inciting Incident

Aylen is arrested and charged with treason. Although she is innocent, the conditions of her arrest force the royal clerk to have her imprisoned anyway. Aylen escapes custody and runs to her friend Kylantha for protection/help.

Structure Questions:

How does this incident invite and propel us into the journey? I think it pulls on the heartstrings of the viewers. Here is a naïve, good-hearted young woman who is victimized because people around her are jealous of her. She totally doesn’t deserve what’s happening to her and we will want to see how her fate ends. How will she handle this turn of events? Will she triumph over those who have done her wrong?

Turning Point 1

Kylantha entraps Aylen, who discovers it was her best friend who betrayed her, and Tanyth (co-worker) was somehow involved. Aylen is arrested and sent to prison.

Structure Questions:

How is this Turning Point a twist that locks us into the journey with “no going back?” She is now in prison! There’s no escaping (for the time being), especially since she is the naïve young girl of whom everyone takes advantage.

ACT 2

New Plan

Her initial plan is to appeal. Then she discovers she’s pregnant and tries to use that to be released. However, after she has the baby and it’s taken away from her, she falls into despair, tries to kill herself, which the prison prevents, and eventually gives up.

Structure Questions:

What new plan did the protagonist create to deal with the Act 1 Turning Point? As noted above, she exhausts all her options – appealing, hoping her condition (pregnant) will give her some advantage, trying to commit suicide – but then gives up and surrenders to her fate.

Plan in Action

Syndra digs her way into Aylen’s cell, however, and the new plan is to learn all she can from Syndra as they dig their way to freedom and escape. Aylen learns magic and fighting skills in the process.

Structure Questions:

How does the protagonist take action on that plan? When Syndra (her future mentor) accidentally digs her way into Aylen’s cell, she gives Aylen hope that they can escape, so her original plan to get out of prison resumes, but takes a different, more rewarding, turn. Also, Aylen’s renewed plan now includes revenge against those who put her in prison.

Midpoint – Turning Point 2

Aylen & Syndra are caught digging their tunnel but are able to overcome the guards and escape. Unfortunately, when Syndra uses magic to get off the island, she triggers a fatal booby trap lying dormant inside her since she was imprisoned 25 years ago. Aylen must go on alone – to seek revenge and to find Syndra’s treasure.

Structure Questions:

How does the Midpoint change the meaning, creating a reveal that changes everything while keeping us on the same journey? Aylen will still want revenge, but the plan of having Syndra help her is no longer part of the journey. Aylen must now use everything Syndra taught her to accomplish her goal, but also have the advantage of riches and magic to help her, which she never would have had without meeting Syndra. Syndra gives Aylen hope and the tools to achieve her goal.

ACT 3

React/Rethink

Aylen meets and joins the Thieves Guild, then journeys with her new companion to find Syndra’s treasure.

Structure Questions:

What is revealed to the protagonist from the Midpoint? Aylen is now stronger, smarter and wiser than she ever was, or than she could have been on her own. How do they react or rethink things? Because she is a different person, Aylen is approaching this new phase in her journey with an altered point of view.

New Plan

Aylen wants revenge, so she tasks Gwen to set things up at their new estate while Aylen goes to Havencrest to get her degree in magic. When she returns, she and Gwen set up Tanyth and Qiren and entrap them. Next is Dylan, but Aylen discovers he has always been faithful to her and they decide she is done with revenge. They make plans to live together (Aylen, Dylan and Gwen) as a family.

Structure Questions:

What new plan did the protagonist create to deal with this new level of conflict? This is an upturn for Aylen during this journey, where the beginning of the story was a downturn. She already had everything taken from her and she has been reformed into a stronger person. This new plan, however, will take Aylen in the direction of vengeance, so anger has replaced her motivation, where love and compassion were once the fuel for her daily life.

Turning Point 3

Kylantha foils Aylen’s plans by killing both Tanyth and Qiren.

Structure Questions:

The lowest of the low. How has this Turning Point brought the character to the lowest of lows, making it almost impossible for them to win in a normal way? This forces them to adopt the change in a much bigger way. Aylen has been so bent on revenge that she didn’t see Kylantha’s counter moves, which pulls her revenge plans right out from under her. Kylantha now has the higher ground.

ACT 4

Dilemma

Kylantha captures Dylan to lure Aylen into facing her. Everything Aylen finally has is stolen from her, so she must face Key in order to save those she loves.

Structure Questions:

What emotional dilemma requires the protagonist to choose between two alternatives, losing something with either choice? If Aylen does not face Kylantha, Dylan will be killed. If Aylen does face Kylantha, she may die along with Dylan, and she’s putting Gwen in danger.

Climax/Ultimate Expression of the Conflict

The sorceresses duel to the death! Although Aylen does not want to kill her friend, Key gives her no choice. During the duel, Aylen learns Gwen is her daughter and Dylan is the father.

Structure Questions:

How is this the ultimate expression of the conflict? How does it require a “fight to the death,” either literally or symbolically? When Aylen came to Kylantha for help, only to discover Key was the one who betrayed her, they fought. Key had magic and Aylen was helpless to protect herself – not just from her friend’s magic, but emotionally she was unfit to face her friend. This duel will put Aylen’s skills against Key’s and the satisfying conclusion of Kylantha getting what she deserves – death by the person she wronged.

Resolution

With Kylantha dead and no one on the throne, Aylen and Dylan are crowned the new rulers of Solinta, with their daughter Gwen as heir and princess.

Structure Questions:

How does this resolution represent the “New Ways” and bring this story to a fitting conclusion? Aylen earned her place on the throne, got the family that is rightfully hers, whom she suffered for greatly, and they are all better suited for each other and for the position as the rulers of Solinta because each one of them has gained wisdom as a result of their hardships.

New Ways

They live happily ever after as the new rulers of Solinta. Aylen is now a powerful sorceress, a strong woman, and a leader of a country.

Structure Questions:

What are the New Ways and do they clearly show up in your lead character’s Act 4 behavior and dialogue? I believe they do! See the notes above.

[Arial Burnz]

Subject: Arial’s Credibility is Going Up!

CREDIBILITY CHECKLIST

What I learned doing this assignment…is that credibility can actually be measured, and that I’ve made a lot more connections than I realized. 233 people in my 1st level on LinkedIn is much more than I was expecting.

1. Writing Sample – I have a short film and I’m working on two screenplays – a 1-Hour TV Pilot and a Feature Film. All three are dramas set in fantasy/supernatural worlds.

2 Screenwriting Accomplishments – other than drafts, nothing.

3. The Google Factor – I pop up on 8 full pages related to me, but they are all my novels. Nothing is connected to screenplays.

4. My Network – On LinkedIn, I currently have 233 people on my 1st level of contacts that appear in the results for “producer” – and that’s with people I am connected to. When I include “2nd” it goes up to 133,000, and “3rd” goes up to 2.09M.

5. Education Specific to Screenwriting – I’ve read a couple of dozen books, taken a UCLA Extension course, and the ScreenwritingU courses (3 courses so far). But no degrees or certificates.

6. Borrowed Credibility – None

7. IMDb Credits – 2 when I was an actress, but I don’t use that old name. Under Arial Burnz, I have zero.

8. Other Forms of Credibility Related to Screenwriting – I have 12 novels published, 2 short stories and a few anthologies.

THINGS I CAN DO TO INCREASE MY CREDIBILITY

1. Keep writing samples.

2. Keep building my network on LinkedIn.

3. Stay connected with fellow students and industry contacts I’m already connected with.

30-DAY PLAN

1. Already sent emails to people I’ve met who have producing credits and contacts.

2. Send more LinkedIn requests to producers and screenwriters in my genre.

3. Try to attend at least one in-person or Zoom event to network.

4. Listening to screenwriting podcasts – Scriptnotes is one I’ve been catching up on.

[Arial Burnz]

Subject: Arial’s Missing Scenes

What I learned doing this assignment is…that this story came together a lot better than I originally planned! How about that?

New Occupations

Well, for starters, I changed a few things regarding the characters and their vocations. The antagonist got downgraded from a Baron’s daughter to a Lord’s daughter, making it more appropriate for her to have a job as an apprentice as a seamstress. Then I gave my heroine/protagonist the same job. The love interest of the heroine also got downgraded to a merchant’s son and delivers the textiles to the dress shop, so this is how the three of them know each other and why they have a history together.

Heroine is Pregnant

I also added that Aylen, the protag, finds out after she is in prison that she’s pregnant. Although they stop with her beatings and up her food intake to be sure the baby is healthy when it’s born, but she won’t be able to keep it. She has her daughter long enough to see a birthmark on her abdomen and she is able to give the baby the charm she received from her parents. A goddess charm of Damia and on the back is the inscription You Are My Magic. The baby is torn from her arms and this is what breaks Aylen’s spirit in prison.

Antagonists Get a Promotions

I also upped the ante with the antagonists. Kylantha will kill her father and new step mother, who are the new king and queen of Solinta and inherit the throne. She will now be Queen and a powerful mage. But Qiren, who has blackmailed his way to a seat on the council to the throne, will witness the murder and now have something against the queen to ensure his survival. The former queen (Key’s step-mother) was actually his mother! And Tanyth now owns the dress shop and uses it as a front for selling secrets he gets from Qiren. They both had a hand in putting Aylen in jail in partnership with Kylantha. These three are very connected and have a lot of crap on each other.

Love Interest Job Change

Dylan moves to Thallan to get away from Kylantha and becomes a Soldier of Fortune, bringing in bad guys for bounties. But Key still has her eye on Dylan, hoping to eventually woo him into her bed. He won’t budge, though. His heart was broken when he lost the love of his life, Aylen, who he believes is dead.

Aylen’s Mentor Dies Earlier

Instead of letting Syndra live longer than what Alexander Dumas had in his novel (Abbe Faria died in prison before they could escape), I decided to let her get as far as the shores of the prison island. But she won’t make it off the island and passes a medallion on to Aylen, which will not only give her the passage to attend the Lyceum of Havencrest to learn magic, but it also contains a magical hologram of the map to the goblin king’s treasure.

Aylen’s Friend Gwen Almost Turns Her In

Still working this scene out, but Gwen (my version of Jacopo) almost turns Aylen in for a reward because Aylen has obviously escaped the prison. But I need to work out how Gwen will end up being beholden to Aylen. I want Aylen to save her life or spare her or something.

Dylan’s Friend the Chief Prefect Meets Aylen and Gwen

Dylan’s friend the Chief Prefect in Thallan runs into Aylen and Gwen at the tavern where they frequent. Having heard Dylan’s story of his lost love Aylen, the name obviously catches his attention.

Changing the Name of the Movie

I think I’m going to stick with a similar name instead of the Sorceress of Amon Fae. I’ve changed the location of the treasure. It is now in the Crystal Mountains, so Aylen will take on the name and title the Countess of Monte Cristal. I think it will draw more attention than the other unknown title.

Aylen has a Coming Out Party for Gwen

As Countess, she has a coming out party and announces Gwen as her ward, which is a new tearful moment for these two women. Aylen and Gwen have become close. She isn’t a servant to her as I had originally planned, but more like a daughter, and Aylen’s way of making up for the daughter she lost. Gwen, being an orphan, embraces the role happily. This element definitely added more emotional connection to these two women.

Revenge Plan!

I finally ironed out the revenge plan! Aylen will use Tanyth to get to Qiren, who she’ll use to get to Key. AND to get Dylan into the revenge plot, she’s going to use him as the soldier of fortune to bring Tanyth to task for the debts she purchased using her thieves guild connections through Gwen and their friends. However, Kylantha will throw a wrench into works and take both of them out. This is what will give her the upper hand against Aylen.

Aylen’s Daughter is…GWEN!

I believe I may have included this tidbit in my previous assignment about the resolution, but I didn’t really write out how this would ripple across the other scenes. But it’s hopefully a nice surprise for the readers. Gwen will have the Damia charm and the inscription will give Aylen the extra boost she needs to take out Kylantha: You Are My Magic. The love of a mother and daughter will be that magic that overcomes her enemy.

[Arial Burnz]

Subject: Arial’s Act 4’s Key Scene 4: Resolution

What I learned doing this assignment is…not to worry so much about the ending. Everything will work itself out.

Resolution Scene:

BEGINNING: Kylantha is dead. The kingdom is free of her tyranny, and Dylan, Aylen and Gwen can finally be a family.

MIDDLE: It is Coronation Day at the Palace! Radario is bright with flower petals raining over the city. Aylen, Dylan and Gwen are all being crowned and are the new royal family of Solinta. Aylen casts an enchantment spell over the stack of flyers with the royal proclamation of their coronation. The papers fold into birds and the one she has flies out of her palm and alights on the breeze to fly out of the window with the other paper birds, giving us a similar journey through Radario as we saw in the opening scene.

END: We follow the paper bird, witnessing the grand celebration throughout the entire city. Every street is filled with crowds enjoying the wealth Aylen gained from the Goblin King’s treasure as royal guards and stewards toss out bags of coins like patrons on a Mardi Gras float tossing beads. And they lived happily ever after.

Other Scenes to Finish Act 4:

Aylen & Dylan Plan to Leave the City

INT. AYLEN’S ESTATE – DAY

BEGINNING: Aylen and Dylan wake up in each other’s arms after spending a wonderful night together reuniting.

MIDDLE: Dylan asks what her plans are and she is admits she is still plotting her revenge against Kylantha. He cautions her against it, and they argue. But during this disagreement, Aylen has an epiphany: She comes to realize that she is who she is today because of Key. If Key hadn’t betrayed her, she would not have gone to prison. She would not have met Syndra, would not have gained the treasure, nor would she have gone to the Lyceum of Havencrest to become a powerful sorceress. And although this might be something to cling to, to justify her anger, her anger instead dissipates. Aylen looks back on who she used to be – afraid of her own shadow, never willing to stand up for herself for fear of causing waves. Suddenly Dylan’s idea of leaving the past behind them and creating a new future together is possible. She has her revenge. She’s become her own woman and Key will never be able to take that away from her.

END: Dylan and Aylen renew their vows to be married, and Gwen is coming with them to wherever they want to go. Although they may not be an actual family in blood, they can live together as one. Gwen could be the daughter they lost and they will have more children. Aylen tells Dylan to go and settle his affairs, get his things, and meet back here where they can discuss where they want to travel and see the world together.

Dylan’s Capture

INT. DYLAN’S HOUSE – DAY

BEGINNING: Dylan arrives at the house he is leasing to pack his things.

MIDDLE: However, the royal guard is waiting for him sent by Kylantha. She knows who Aylen really is and she’s not going to let the two of them have their happily ever after ending.

END: Dylan puts up one helluva fight, but in the end, he is caught and taken to the palace.

Kylantha Sets the Trap to Lure Aylen

INT. AYLEN’S ESTATE – DAY

BEGINNING: A magical message arrives at Aylen’s estate.

MIDDLE: Dylan’s been taken into custody, says the message. If Aylen wants to see him alive again, she’ll come to the palace.

END: Aylen and Gwen put their heads together. They know this is a trap, so they’re going to use that knowledge to get the upper hand and set Dylan free.

[Arial Burnz]

Subject: Arial’s Act 4’s Key Scene 3: Climax – The Ultimate Expression of the Conflict

What I learned doing this assignment is…that clarity of what the ending will be might not come until this point!

BEGINNING: Kylantha (aka Key) has kidnapped Dylan. (He, of course, did not give in without one helluva fight, so he’s a bit beat up when Aylen sees him again.) Key is using him as bait to lure Aylen and make this her final act of putting her past behind her – kill both Dylan and Aylen.

MIDDLE: But Aylen isn’t giving up without a fight, either. And this time, she is more of a match for Key. The two sorceresses duel, and Key intends this to be to the death. Gwen has come with Aylen in hopes of helping Dylan escape while Aylen has Key distracted. Aylen doesn’t want to kill Key. Despite everything she’s been through, she’s not a killer. Key unabashedly is, and as soon as she sees Gwen trying to free Dylan, she attempts to kill the girl. Aylen defends Gwen, but Gwen is still wounded…badly. Aylen and Gwen are able to hide in safety from Key, but only for a few moments. However, that’s long enough for Aylen to examine Gwen’s wound and discover the birthmark on her abdomen. The same birthmark that was on Aylen’s baby who was taken from her arms moments after she gave birth to her in prison. Gwen shows Aylen the charm she’s had since birth, which is the same charm Aylen’s father gave to her…the same charm she gave her baby before she was taken away. Gwen is Aylen’s daughter!

END: And that is the tipping point for Aylen. Like a mother lioness defending her cub, Aylen rises to challenge Kylantha in a final fight to the death as Key won’t give up until Aylen is dead or until Aylen kills her, which she does.

[Arial Burnz]

My Projects:

1. Mystery Shoppers (short film – 4-6 minutes) – In the desert, an insensitive tow truck driver gets a lesson in customer service from his end-of-day clients. Budget: Below $1 million

2. The Sorceress of Amon Fae (feature film) – After a young elf is betrayed by her best friend, she is imprisoned and spends fifteen years escaping and developing her skills to become a powerful sorceress and seek vengeance. This is a gender-flipping retelling of the tale The Count of Monte Cristo, set in a fantasy world. Budget: $50-100 million

What I learned from the teleconference:

How clueless I am about screenwriting and being a paid writer in the industry! I thought it was all about getting that first original script sold and then the jobs came into play later. I’m super pumped it’s the other way around!

[Arial Burnz]

HELLO EVERYONE!!!

I’m super excited to be here.

1. I’m Arial Burnz (aka Gina Henderson)

2. 1 short, 1 TV Pilot and working on my first feature film. I primarily write paranormal and fantasy dramas and dramedies.

3. The intro seminar for this class opened my eyes up to a whole new world out there in screenwriting that I didn’t even know existed. For the first time I’m hopeful I can get paid as a screenwriter. Woo hoo!

4. I am a USA Today bestselling author with over a dozen novels published in the paranormal romance and paranormal mystery sub-genres. I am a Desert Storm veteran and spent 6 months in Turkey during Desert Storm and post support. While in the US Air Force, I lived in Germany and England and I would LOVE to eventually retire there. I’m also a self-published author, so if anyone has any questions about their publishing options and the various formats, which will help you develop your own IP, reply to this message. I love to share a good thing! Kindle Vella is the new thing!!

[Arial Burnz]

1. Arial Burnz (aka Gina Henderson)

2. I agree to the terms of this release form.

3. Please leave the entire text below to confirm what you agree to.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Arial Burnz]

Subject: Arial’s Act 4 First Scenes

What I learned doing this assignment is…that clarity of the ending might not come until this point!

Key Scene 1: Reaction to the 3rd Act Turning Point

BEGINNING: When Aylen gets the message of Dylan’s abduction through Gwen, Aylen will be furious. She’ll play the woulda-shoulda-coulda game, beating herself up (figuratively) for sticking around.

MIDDLE: She should have sought out Dylan first and not wasted time on Tanyth and Qiren. She would have learned he was not part of the plan. They could have walked away.

END: Now he may die and it’s her fault!

Key Scene 2: Protagonist Faces Their Dilemma

Is she going to surrender to Kylantha’s demands and sacrifice her life to save Dylan? Or is she going to confront the woman who caused her a decade-and-a-half of misery? Aylen decides to confront Kylantha once and for all. She can’t keep running or cowering to bring about peace. She’s going to fight for what she wants.

[Arial Burnz]

Subject: Arial’s Act 3 – Outline Remaining Scenes of Act 3

What I learned doing this assignment is…that getting this information down and being flexible about the story at this stage is going to save me a ton of writing! AND this is a great way to lock in those scene cards so I can figure out how many pages I’m in for. It’s easier to delete a scene card than it is a written scene I’ve put my heart into. I’ve got LOTS of in-between scenes, so I can imagine I’ll be consolidating and cutting. But here they are…

Summary from the Midpoint to Turning Point 3…

• Midpoint – Syndra and Aylen escape, but Syndra dies and passes the map to the treasure, and her endorsement to the magic college, on to Aylen.
• React/Rethink – Aylen must do this alone now.
• Make a New Plan – Get the treasure, go to school, get revenge.

EXT. CITY OF THALLAN – DAY

Placeholder Scene: Not sure how this will go down because I need to come up with a Meet Cute for Aylen and Gwen. Gwen is a thief and will be Aylen’s “Jacopo”, but I don’t want to repeat what the Touchstone Pictures version did with the knife fight, which wasn’t in the original novel. I’m thinking Gwen will try to trick Aylen because her prisoner’s rags are a dead giveaway that she’s escaped. Gwen might try to get the reward for turning her in, but I want Gwen to be beholden to Aylen, so I’ve gotta work it out. They call her Nanwera – the Elvish word for ransom.

INT. THIEVES DEN – DAY

BEGINNING: Three Months Later – Aylen (Nanwera) is leaving and saying her goodbyes to the leader of the den.

MIDDLE: Aylen’s served her obligation to the thieves, but has also befriended them in this time, which will come in handy later in the story. We learn during this conversation that he’s got a thing for Aylen, but she is going off to learn magic at the lyceum and romance is not on her agenda right now. Revenge is.

END: He understands and wishes her well. He tells her he is there if she needs him…for anything. Good friends are hard to find. She vows she will call upon him when the time is right.

EXT. LOUREAN MOUNTAINS – DAY

BEGINNING: Gwen and Aylen leave the city and set off to go find the goblin king’s treasure, which – according to the hologram map – is deep in the Lourean Mountains in a place called Amon Fae.

MIDDLE: A montage of events shows them following the clues, which lead them to the hidden entrance to the treasure trove. They’re swimming in gold coins, jewels and the cavern is filled with riches beyond their imagination! Gwen suggests Aylen forget her revenge and find happiness in living anywhere in the world.

END: But Aylen refuses. She wants those who wronged her to pay, to suffer as she did, and for justice to be served for the child she lost. Gwen says she owes Aylen her life, so will do whatever she asks. Aylen asks her to go to Radario and use her thieves guild connections to learn what happened to Aylen’s family, friends and enemies since she was sent to prison. In the meantime, Aylen will go to the Lyceum in Havencrest and become a sorceress. They’ll meet back at the tavern in Thallan. Aylen will contact Gwen once she’s done with school.

INT. LYCEUM OF HAVENCREST – DAY

BEGINNING: Aylen arrives at the college and presents her medallion as proof of entry.

MIDDLE: The fee is substantial, but that’s no problem. She presents a chest filled with gold. Nice! She is introduced to her new mentor – Esmeralda Xandu – who questions Aylen about her education (Syndra in the prison for 15 years, but no hands-on experience – all book knowledge) and what her kinships are.

END: Aylen doesn’t know, so Esmeralda says they’ll help her learn all that.

INT. LYCEUM OF HAVENCREST – MONTAGE

BEGINNING: The montage will show Aylen getting tested and trained.

MIDDLE: Aylen starts out like someone with a loaded gun who has no experience with shooting, but we’ll see her progress.

END: Finally, we will see her receive her robes, showing her status as a Sorceress.

INT. LYCEUM OF HAVENCREST – DAY

BEGINNING: Esmeralda will give Aylen her own medallion, which is her license to practice magic. The robes are meant for formal occasions, worn if she is appointed as a royal mage, or when called upon by the high council. Otherwise, it is highly advised she wear civilian clothes. No need to draw attention to her status outside of those circumstances. She’d be asking for trouble. But she is to wear her medallion at all times.

MIDDLE: We learn in this goodbye between Aylen’s mentor and a few of the professors that Aylen has the record of having gone through the classes faster than any student in the entire world of Evanterra. There is one other student who held that record, but Aylen beat it by a few years. Who was she? Kylantha von Abel, the Queen of Solinta.

END: Whaaa??? Aylen does her best to keep her composure, but Esmeralda notices. Aylen says she is staggered by the news. To best the queen is quite an accomplishment. Aylen says her goodbyes and takes the faery portal back to Thallan on shaky legs.

INT. TAVERN (NEED NAME) IN THALLAN – DAY

BEGINNING: When Aylen arrives in Thallan and checks in at the tavern, Gwen has been there about a week and organizing her notes and intel.

MIDDLE: Of course, Aylen shares the news about Kylantha being queen. The mage part was expected, but the best in her class…in the world? Although Aylen beat her record in a landslide victory via time, the fact that Key is queen gives her political power. She might be harder to bring down. They’ll have to think about that one.

As for everyone else: Aylen’s mother died shortly after she went to prison; Qiren is now a Jewel of the Crown and legal advisor to Queen Kylantha (grrrr); Tanyth owns a couple of taverns in town now; Jaeros and his wife are poor and wasting away; and Dylan…he was the hardest to find. Gwen only just returned a week ago and with very little info about him.

END: Aylen wants all the details of her enemies. They need to discover their weaknesses, who they do business with, what are their current goals, and who is on their list of enemies. Let the avenging begin!

Placeholder Scene: Revenge against Tanyth – not sure what I’m doing yet.

Placeholder Scene: Revenge against Qiren – not sure what I’m doing yet.

INT. LOUREAN ROYAL COURTHOUSE – NIGHT

BEGINNING: Dylan turns in the latest criminal he’s apprehended and gets paid.

MIDDLE: The Lourean prefect who pays him says he did a little digging in Dylan’s case about trying to find proof of his father’s innocence, but he keeps getting stonewalled. Dylan tells him to stop looking. This has Kylantha all over it, and she’s too powerful to come up against. As Queen, she has the power to clear Dylan’s family name, but her price is too high – marriage. Although he could be king, he wouldn’t dare go up against her. She is a powerful mage. No. He’d become her lap dog. Forget it.

END: Dylan has to admit defeat and get on with his already ruined life. Why make it worse by becoming Key’s slave?

Things start going well, until… – When Aylen tries to entrap Dylan in her web of revenge, she learns he isn’t a bad guy and they reunite. Aylen loneliness and releasing of her anger has her wanting to give up on her quest to avenge herself, their baby, and Syndra.

Turning Point 3 – Before Aylen and Dylan can get on the road to leave the country, Dylan is kidnapped by Kylantha and demands a final confrontation with Aylen. Aylen has avoided confrontations, and although slowly has come around to realizing they cannot be avoided as often as she’d like, this final confrontation is what will push her to make that final inner change. Some things are worth fighting for in order to obtain peace.

[Arial Burnz]

Subject: Arial’s Act 3 – Key Scene 4 Outline

What I learned doing this assignment is…that I might end up having to do a lot of cutting in the final draft! This is turning into a long story. But it’s helping me rethink my approach, so I’m learning I’ll need to get tighter with the story.

Outline Key Scene 4 – Turning Point 3

BEGINNING: After Aylen seeks her revenge with Dylan, she discovers during their encounter that he was never a part of putting Aylen in prison. They reunite and make plans to leave the country together.

MIDDLE: The next morning, Dylan goes home to pack his things, but finds the royal guard waiting for him to take him into custody. Kylantha has found out Aylen’s not only alive, but the two of them have been together and she is going to put this to rest once and for all. She sends a message to Aylen to come to the palace if she wants to see Dylan alive again.

END: Aylen is devastated. They could have left the night before. He wouldn’t be in Kylantha’s dungeon if she had just walked away like Gwen had originally tried to get her to do.

[Arial Burnz]

Subject: Arial’s Act 3 – Key Scene Outlines

What I learned doing this assignment is…that I’m going to keep making changes! LOL

Key Scene 2: Makes a New Plan

Aylen and Gwen find the goblin treasure. Aylen is rich and Gwen encourages her to forget her plans of revenge and enjoy the treasure instead. But Aylen refuses. She asks Gwen to go to Radario and use her thieves guild connections to learn what has happened to Aylen’s family, friends and enemies since she was sent to prison. In the meantime, Aylen will go off to the Lyceum of Havencrest to finish her lessons in magic. They will rendezvous just outside of Radario once Aylen is done in Havencrest.

And the plans go off well. Tanyth and Qiren are caught in Aylen’s web and justice is served. When she makes her move to take down Dylan she discovers he was never a part of the plan to put Aylen in jail.

They reunite and make love. Revised storyline – Aylen went to prison pregnant and had the baby there, but her daughter was taken away from her and sold on the black market. Her whereabouts are unknown and they grieve for the loss of their child. But being with Dylan makes Aylen realize this path to revenge is eating away her soul. She has more money than the Queen. They have each other. She knows magic. They could do and be anything. She decides she’s going to abandon her quest to take down Kylantha and walk away. She and Dylan split in the morning so he can tie up loose ends and pack. They plan to rendezvous and leave with Gwen.

Key Scene 3: Things Go Well, Until…

But Kylantha has Dylan arrested and she lures Aylen into a final confrontation with her with Dylan as the bait.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by  Arial Burnz.

[Arial Burnz]

Subject: Arial’s Act 3 – Key Scene Outlines

What I learned doing this assignment is…I don’t have to have everything figured out when I did the beat sheet 1st draft. I thought I did, but I didn’t! And that’s okay. This process is very thorough and amazing. I don’t think I’ll ever plan another story without going through these steps.

Midpoint: Upon escaping the prison, Syndra’s magic triggers a fatal booby trap and she dies, but not before giving Aylen a medallion, which is the key to a treasure and her access into the school of magic in Havencrest.

Reaction/Rethink: Aylen must now do this journey alone. Survival is first, though. She must find clothes, food and shelter but when she ventures into Thallan, she is captured by thieves who figure out she’s an escaped prison from Anguish Island. They plan on turning her in for a reward, but instead she convinces them through a test of combat that if she wins, she will join them. If she loses, they can turn her in for the reward. She wins and the person she fights is spared. This person – Gwen – becomes her friend.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by  Arial Burnz.

[Arial Burnz]

Subject: Arial’s Finish Act 2 – Scene Outlines

What I learned doing this assignment is…that I might have too much going into my story! I might need to trim some things down, but for now, I’ll keep the scenes. I’m sure the paring will come once the first full draft of the script is written and I have a real page count.

INT. GREYMORE MANSION – DAY

BEGINNING: After Aylen is sent to prison, Tirandal Qiren (the royal clerk who questioned Aylen) marches home to confront his mother, Lady Haera Greymore.

MIDDLE: She is involved with Baron von Abel in some conspiracy to overthrow the throne and give the ruler of Mastonia passage to lay siege upon the Eastern Kingdoms. All of this was in the “secret admirer” letter he just burned.

END: Although Qiren wants to leave the city at once, Lady Greymore tells him she’ll have him imprisoned as a traitor once she becomes queen of Solinta. He isn’t going anywhere.

INT. ROYAL SOLINTA COURT CHAMBERS – DAY

BEGINNING: Dylan, Key and Aylen’s closest friends plea for her to be released and ask where she is. They have appealed for weeks and are getting nowhere.

MIDDLE: Tirandal Qiren apologizes, but says there’s nothing he can do. Aylen had evidence upon her and failed the truth rod inquisition (he’s lying). She was imprisoned for crimes against the crown and for being an accessory to conspiracy in this war with Mastonia that has just started. And he now has word in hand that says she has been executed. It is too late.

END: Everyone is heartbroken and Kylantha “faints”, falling into Dylan’s arms.

INT. FORTRESS OF VALNA – MONTAGE – PASSAGE OF TIME

BEGINNING: A compilation of scenes showing Aylen and Syndra digging their way out of the prison.

MIDDLE: We see them executing the plan they have set in motion to escape, and how they’re able to keep up with the prison schedule of feeding and the emptying of the chamber pots to disguise their efforts as well as appear on time for every prison check-in. They come close to being caught on a couple of occasions! And poor Aylen gets the crap beat out of her regularly by her “favorite” hulking female guard.

END: Through this passage of time, we not only see their physical process of digging a tunnel, but we also see how Aylen is gaining in strength and caring less about being bullied. She’s learning not to be a doormat.

INT. PALACE OF RADARIO – DAY

BEGINNING: Having been away at the Lyceum of Lourean to learn magic, Kylantha has now returned home to Radario to discover her father (Cormyn) and Lady Greymore betrayed the king and allowed the Blood Lord of Mastonia passage into the kingdom. The king was imprisoned and Baron von Abel (Key’s father) and Lady Haera Greymore were crowned the new rulers as a reward.

MIDDLE: However, the Blood Lord lost the battle against the Eastern Kingdoms and retreated to Mastonia. Cormyn and Haera continue to sit on the throne, letting the rightful ruler rot in the dungeon, and they are expecting a child, leaving Kylantha with no claim to the throne. Key doesn’t like playing second fiddle to the new baby, so in the guise of “protecting the throne”, Kylantha overthrows her father, killing him and his queen. Kylantha also shares the dreadful news with the kingdom that the king of Solinta died in the dungeons (he did, but she killed him after she killed her father and new wife).

END: As the hero of the kingdom, Kylantha now assumes the throne.

INT. FORTRESS OF VALNA – NIGHT

BEGINNING: We are privy to two important discussions Aylen and Syndra have:

MIDDLE: 1) How exactly did Aylen get betrayed and who was at the bottom of it? They’re only able to figure out a part of it, but now know Qiren was protecting someone because of the letter he burned and the connection of Lady Greymore to Qiren’s changed verdict. And 2) what their hopes and dreams were prior to being locked away. For Aylen, she wanted to marry Dylan and just got offered partnership in the tavern. For Syndra, to become a powerful sorceress and discover a major archaeological find, and she did both of those.

END: This is where Syndra confesses that the treasure she was suspected of finding was indeed real, but she didn’t want to give it over to the king because of how dangerous it was. The King of Solinta is a corrupt man and she wasn’t going to let such a powerful relic fall into the wrong hands. (The women talk about what they want, but neither of them have what they need, nor are they aware of it.)

INT. PALACE OF RADARIO – DAY

BEGINNING: Qiren has a position as a jewel of the crown – one of seven seats on the council to the throne of Solinta. When an advisory meeting is concluded, Qiren stays behind and though Queen Kylantha is charming and sweet to him, her demeanor changes when he tosses a bloody letter at her. He’s caught one of her little assassins trying to take him out and this letter is proof of her attempts to eliminate him.

MIDDLE: He reminds her that he still has agents in place, of whom she knows nothing about, who will release the truth upon his death. He dies, and the whole kingdom will know all her dirty little secrets – how she originally helped her father aid the war, allowed the Blood Lord access to the Eastern Kingdoms and when he betrayed her and left her out of the plans, she turned on him and executed the king in order to take the throne. All of which overshadow the one main piece of damning evidence in the eyes of the one she really wants – Dylan. He will make sure Dylan knows that Key is responsible for putting Aylen in prison and therefore the one who killed her as if she wielded the executioner’s blade with her own two hands.

END: He claims he has more pull in this kingdom than she does. She’ll be ruined if she tries something like his assassination again.

[Arial Burnz]

Subject: Arial’s Midpoint Outline

What I learned doing this assignment is…more about my characters and their goals. This process is a great way to build the body of a story, starting with the skeleton and building outward. My “baby” has flesh now!

Midpoint Scene Outline:

Same Journey: Aylen’s journey is from her being a naïve doormat to transforming into a strong, independent woman.

Different Meaning: Aylen’s mentor Syndra has been key to helping Aylen make this transformation. At the midpoint of the story, though, she dies and Aylen must now finish this journey on her own.

EXT. FORTRESS OF VALNA – NIGHT

BEGINNING: Aylen and Syndra’s tunnel to escape is discovered and they are forced to fight the guards to escape, or risk being thrown back into prison, separated and their 15 years of digging their tunnel is over.

MIDDLE: For sport, the guards on duty allow Aylen and the hulking guard who has been beating her for years to have a go at each other in a fighting-ring-type match. Aylen overcomes a huge milestone – this is the first time she has the strength, motivation, and skill to fight back and fight for what she wants. She succeeds! She and Syndra take down the rest of the guards and the women escape to the edge of the island, outside the magical ward of the fortress. There is a horrible storm raging outside, but they are free!

END: Outside of the ward, Syndra is able to use magic, but they still have a swarm of sea serpents to deal with. She enchants one of the sea dragons for them to hitch a ride, but using magic triggers a booby trap planted inside her. Syndra is dying, but before she does, she gives Aylen a medallion. This medallion has a treasure map hidden inside (a magical hologram) that will give Aylen the location of the goblin king’s treasure. AND the medallion is also Aylen’s ticket (along with the money) to attend the Lyceum at Havencrest so she can get her final lessons in magic and earn her degree. With her last bit of magic, Syndra records her final message for Aylen to attend the school and dies in Aylen’s arms.

But Aylen is now on the run from the warden, who has been alerted of the escape. She must use what she was taught to finish escaping from the island. Aylen doesn’t know how to enchant a sea dragon, but she is able to create a protective air bubble around her so she can breathe underwater – but a sea dragon swallows her (the guards witness this and think she died). But the serpent spits Aylen out near the shore and she hides in the caves along the cliffs of the Lourean Kingdom. Huddled and grieving over the loss of her friend, she cries herself to sleep.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by  Arial Burnz.

[Arial Burnz]

Subject: Arial’s Act 2 Middle Scenes

What I learned doing this assignment is…that this method challenges my original ideas of how things should go, thereby helping me refine the storyline.

Key Scene 2: Protagonist takes on a plan and executes it.

INT. VARIOUS LOCATIONS – MONTAGE – PASSAGE OF TIME

BEGINNING: As pathetic as it sounds, Aylen’s plan is to fall into the depths of despair.

MIDDLE: She deteriorates, going from the sweet half-elf girl who had everything going for her to a broken soul who is giving up on life. She refuses to eat, but is forced to eat by the hulking female guard who beats her up regularly.

END: Aylen tries to hang herself with her bedsheets, but awakens in her cell, having been saved by the guards.

Key Scene 3: Not only does their plan fail, but…

Trying to hang herself only gets her into trouble and she is now naked and without bedsheets.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by  Arial Burnz.

[Arial Burnz]

Subject: Arial’s Act 2 Reaction to the Turning Point

What I learned doing this assignment is…that this method of developing my story through the beat sheet is a very efficient method to use moving forward.

INT. FORTRESS OF VALNA – NIGHT

BEGINNING: Aylen is sent to the Fortress of Valna – aka Anguish Island – and when she arrives, she pleads with the warden to let her go. She is innocent. She is expecting the warden to be reasonable and to believe her. She is also trusting this is a mistake and the people around her will correct the error.

MIDDLE: The warden sounds very sympathetic, and he even takes advantage of her naiveite by making her think he is leading her to a part of the prison where she will get to file an appeal. However, he locks her in her new cell and the person she is appealing to is a large female guard who strings Aylen up and beats her.

END: Aylen cowers, bruised and bleeding, in the corner. The warden tells her there will be no appeals, no visitors, no cell mates. She will live the rest of her life alone in this cell. Solinta and Mastonia are at war, so her plight is insignificant to what’s going on in the world outside. She should be thankful she is not caught up in it.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by  Arial Burnz.

[Arial Burnz]

Subject: Arial Burnz’s Finishing Act 1 Scene Outlines

What I learned doing this assignment is…that I was being too hard on myself in the previous assignments. LOL

EXT. COPPER DRAGYN TAVERN – ALLEY – DAY

BEGINNING: Right after Aylen’s encounter with her brutal co-worker, she is approached by a Messenger with a proposition – deliver a wax-sealed letter from a “secret admirer” to the lady-in-waiting of Lady Haera Greymore. Secrecy is paramount and Aylen is paid a large sum, half in advance, and the rest to be paid after delivery.

MIDDLE: Unfortunately, Aylen’s co-worker, Tanyth, is spying on the conversation. When she agrees to the arrangement, she goes into the tavern while Tanyth slips outside to learn more.

END: Tanyth knows the identity of the messenger behind his magical glamor, and he confronts the Messenger, but the Messenger tells Tanyth to mind his own business and leaves us and Tanyth with a hint there might be something more sinister in the letter.

INT. COPPER DRAGYN TAVERN – DAY

BEGINNING: Aylen has tucked her payment and the secret admirer letter away in her personal cupboard for safe-keeping and goes into the main part of the tavern to talk excitedly about her marketing plans.

MIDDLE: Aylen had her best friend Kylantha enchant a bunch of flyers, advertising the tavern business in hopes of driving more customers to the establishment. But while Aylen is talking business, Tanyth sneaks a peek at the letter.

END: Tanyth is never caught reading the letter, and reseals it and puts it back into Aylen’s belongings, unnoticed.

INT. COPPER DRAGYN TAVERN – NIGHT

BEGINNING: The fliers worked! The tavern is packed!

MIDDLE: Business surpasses anything in the history of the establishment because of Aylen. As a result, she is offered a partnership.

END: This pisses Tanyth off, though, who believes he should have been made partner. His distaste for Aylen grows.

EXT. COPPER DRAGYN TAVERN – NIGHT

BEGINNING: Dylan von Shain, Aylen’s boyfriend and childhood friend, shows up at the tavern and says he has a surprise for Aylen.

MIDDLE: Aylen is dismissed and given the next day off – she’s earned it! She tells Dylan about her job offer.

END: Dylan takes a romantic detour while walking her home and proposes marriage – his surprise. This is young love at its finest!

INT. ELCARYN COTTAGE – NIGHT

BEGINNING: Aylen returns home with Dylan to share today’s news with her mother, Cellica.

MIDDLE: Cellica is overjoyed her daughter is so happy. We learn Cellica is sick, suffering from the aftermath of a Nether Moss infection, which she contracted while caring for Aylen’s father/Cellica’s husband who had the same infection. It was fatal for him, though.

END: During the day, Aylen was able to get away to purchase special medicine for Cellica with the money she received from the Messenger. Aylen lies and tells her mother she received a bonus after the amazing lunch rush, which is how she was able to afford the expensive potion. But this is just the beginning. This new job, and being the future wife of a Baron’s son, will finally give Aylen the income to take care of her mother properly.

INT. VON ABEL ESTATE – DAY

BEGINNING: The next day, Aylen shares all her wonderful news with her best friend, Kylantha “Key” von Abel, at their weekly teatime visit.

MIDDLE: Jealous, Key has a difficult time being happy for her friend and cuts their visit short.

END: After Aylen leaves, Key has a tantrum and has Dylan von Shain summoned at once.

INT. VON ABEL ESTATE – NIGHT

BEGINNING: Dylan, his father Baron von Shain, and Key’s father Baron von Abel are subjected to Key’s tantrum over Aylen and Dylan’s engagement.

MIDDLE: Regardless of how much their parents have been pushing Dylan to marry Key since they were children, the final decision is his. He wants to marry for love, not title, and Aylen is his choice. His older brother will inherit the barony, so why should it matter?

END: Dylan leaves no room for argument and leaves.

INT. COPPER DRAGYN TAVERN – NEXT DAY

BEGINNING: Escorted by a personal body guard, Kylantha arrives at the tavern looking for Aylen, but she isn’t there. She has the day off to start her wedding plans.

MIDDLE: This infuriates Key and she storms out. But before she can climb into her carriage, Tanyth has a conversation with her. They both have similar interests – they want Aylen out of the picture.

END: He begins his devious plan by telling Key about Aylen’s mysterious letter from the “secret admirer”…

[Arial Burnz]

Subject: Arial Burnz’s Act 1 Turning Point Outline

What I learned doing this assignment is…I think I’m finally getting the fast writing techniques. 50k-foot view. And that the turning point is that point of no return for the character.

AYLEN’S BEST FRIEND ENTRAPS HER

INT. VON ABEL ESTATE – NIGHT

BEGINNING: Aylen has just escaped custody and is now seeking help from her best friend’s father, Cormyn von Abel.

MIDDLE: When Aylen arrives late in the evening at the von Abel estate, she awakens her friend Kylantha asking for Baron von Abel’s help. Cormyn, however, is away on business, so he is unable to help Aylen, but Key asks what happened. In a flurry of information, Aylen tells her the story. Although it appears Key will help, instead Aylen’s best friend entangles her in a web spell. Aylen has no magic, so is unable to defend herself, but pleads with her friend to tell her why she is entrapping her. Key is finally honest about her contempt for Aylen, which she has kept hidden since they were children. Aylen’s engagement to Dylan – the man Key always thought she was going to marry – was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

END: Kylantha lets the city prefects take Aylen away to prison.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by  Arial Burnz.

[Arial Burnz]

Subject Line: Arial Burnz’s Inciting Incident

INCITING INCIDENT – AYLEN IS ARRESTED

INT. ELCARYN COTTAGE – NIGHT

BEGINNING: Aylen, Cellica (her mother) and Dylan (now her fiancé) enjoy a home cooked meal to celebrate Aylen and Dylan’s engagement.

MIDDLE: The city prefects interrupt the private festivity to arrest Aylen. They will not say what she is charged with, but as she, Dylan and Cellica struggle to make sense of the chaos and Aylen is being taking into custody, the cottage is searched and Aylen’s satchel is confiscated, which has the letter from the Messenger she was given the day before.

END: Aylen is dragged away from her home and the arms of the people she loves most dear.

——–

REACTION TO THE INCITING INCIDENT – AYLEN IS QUESTIONED BY THE ROYAL CLERK & ESCAPES

INT. ROYAL SOLINTA COURT CHAMBERS – NIGHT

BEGINNING: Aylen is brought before the royal clerk, Tirandal Qiren, who questions her about allegations brought against her and the letter she had in her possession.

MIDDLE: Through a series of questions and the use of a magical court tool called a truth rod, Aylen is interrogated about the letter and it’s contents. Since she passes the magical lie detector and doesn’t know the language in which the letter was written, the clerk deems her innocent of the charges. But when Qiren asks who the intended recipient was for the missive (Lady Haera Greymore), he has Aylen escorted to the prison carriage instead of letting her walk free.

END: Out of sheer terror of being thrown into prison, Aylen surprises and breaks free of the guards to escape her fate.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by  Arial Burnz.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by  Arial Burnz.

[Arial Burnz]

Subject line: Arial Burnz’s Act 1: Opening Scenes

What I learned doing this assignment is…how important the opening scene is, but it also helped to push me outside of my self-imposed boundaries by exploring the purpose of the opening scene as not just the beginning of the story, but in setting tone and introducing the characters.

Opening scene introducing Aylen Elcaryn, Protagonist:

EXT. CITY OF RADARIO – DAY

BEGINNING: Title sequence – we follow a piece of paper folded into an origami-type bird, which is flying around Radario, the capital city of the Kingdom of Solinta. There are also dozens of other such flyers flitting through the air.

MIDDLE: The flight of the paper bird gives us the 20k-foot view of the beautiful elven city, before it starts descending and flying between the buildings and its citizens, where we are introduced to the various classes of people living in Radario. The residents who dominate the population are the dark-skinned Solini elves. We see both the beauty of this city and the very ugly parts of Radario.

END: The flyer eventually lands in the palm of Aylen (half-elf, light-brown skin, appears to be about 18) who reveals the paper bird is an advertisement for The Copper Dragyn, a tavern on Thatch Lane.

Opening scene continues with introducing Aylen and one of her antagonists, Tanyth…

EXT. ALLEY OF THE COPPER DRAGYN – DAY

BEGINNING: Aylen smiles proudly at the piece of paper, but it’s snatched from her hand and stomped into a muddy puddle in the alley by Tanyth, her co-worker (full-blood Solini elf, dark-skinned, appears to be about 45). Tanyth calls Aylen a half-breed, ridicules her for the flyer idea (to help drum up business for the tavern where they work), and shoves her to the ground. She isn’t fighting back, not wanting to cause waves and keep the peace.

MIDDLE: When the owner, Jaeros (full-blood Solini Elf, dark-skinned, appears to be about 60), sees Aylen on the ground, Tanyth helps Aylen to her feet, suddenly friendly and helpful for the benefit of the owner. Tanyth calls Aylen a “clumsy girl” and explains he just came out here and saw the poor lass on the ground. The owner looks a little suspicious, but his wife calls from inside asking for assistance. Tanyth glares at Aylen before going inside after the owner.

END: Aylen, still not wanting to cause waves, keeps her mouth shut about Tanyth’s cruelty and uses the barrel of water to clean herself up.

Opening Scene for Kylantha, Main Antagonist. By the time this scene happens, Aylen has been proposed to and has received the offer to be a partner of the Copper Dragyn.

INT. VON ABEL ESTATE – DAY

BEGINNING: Kylantha von Abel (Solini elf, noble blood, appears to be about 18) bosses her servants around, who are getting tea ready for Aylen’s visit. We see a cruel side of Kylantha, which she doesn’t make much effort to hide when Aylen arrives.

MIDDLE: But Aylen is too excited to make a big deal about Key’s treatment of the help. She’s super excited to tell Kylantha that the enchantment she (Key) did on the fliers worked wonderfully. So much so, she was offered a partnership at the tavern! Key tries to be happy for her friend, but she makes it a point to be sure Aylen told the tavern owner that she was the one who enchanted the fliers, and kinda rubs it in that Aylen cannot do magic, so she shouldn’t be presenting herself as having such abilities. This takes the wind out of Aylen’s sails, but she rebounds and shares the best news – Dylan (their childhood friend) has proposed to her! Aylen’s getting married!! That really pisses Key off and it’s a monumental effort for her to be happy for her friend. In fact, she tells Aylen she isn’t feeling well and tells her she has to end their teatime early. Congratulations (not!).

END: Aylen’s efforts to ensure Key is okay are waved off, but after Aylen leaves, Kylantha has a temper tantrum, breaking the expensive porcelain tea set and screaming to have Dylan von Shain summoned at once.

[Arial Burnz]

Subject: Arial Burnz’s Beat Sheet Draft 2

What I learned doing this assignment is…I’m still trying to learn how to be brief and I’m failing. LOL I’ve also learned how the story can be enriched with each pass by instilling the theme throughout the story and ensuring both sides of the story are being told.

Logline: After a young elf is betrayed by her best friend, she is imprisoned and spends fifteen years escaping and developing her skills to become a powerful sorceress and seek vengeance. This is a gender-flipping retelling of the tale The Count of Monte Cristo, set in a fantasy world.

Theme: We can’t change the past. We can only learn from it and make different choices moving forward.

Act 1:

EXT. COPPER DRAGYN TAVERN – ALLEY – DAY

Opening: When Aylen arrives at her place of work, she is greeted by a messenger with a proposition – deliver a wax-sealed letter from a “secret admirer” to the lady-in-waiting of Lady Greymore. Secrecy is paramount and Aylen is paid a large sum, half in advance, and the rest to be paid after delivery. He will find her. Aylen’s co-worker, Tanyth, is spying on the conversation, though. Tanyth knows the identity of the messenger behind his magical glamor, and he suspects there’s something sinister behind the letter.

INT. COPPER DRAGYN TAVERN – DAY

While Aylen is distracted speaking with the tavern owner about some creative marketing she’s doing for his business, Tanyth sneaks a peek at the letter, then reseals it and puts it back into Aylen’s belongings. He makes it very obvious he is not a fan of Aylen’s and her ambitious ideas, so Tanyth is keeping this information in his proverbial back pocket.

INT. COPPER DRAGYN TAVERN – NIGHT

Transformational Event #1: Because of her marketing efforts this week, the tavern is packed and Aylen is offered a partnership in the business. This pisses Tanyth off, though, who believes he should have been made partner. His distaste for Aylen grows.

EXT. COPPER DRAGYN TAVERN – NIGHT

Transformational Event #2: Dylan von Shain, Aylen’s boyfriend and childhood friend, takes a romantic detour while walking her home and proposes marriage. This is young love at its finest!

INT. ELCARYN COTTAGE – NIGHT

Aylen returns home with Dylan to share today’s news with her mother, Cellica. This good fortune will allow Aylen to buy better care for her sickly parent. Privately, Aylen gives Cellica medicine she purchased with the money she received from the messenger, but doesn’t reveal how she got it and makes her mother vow not to say anything to anyone.

THEME: Cellica is sick because she caught the infection – Nether Moss (aka death moss) – her husband had while she was caring for him. There is constant regret on Cellica’s part and on Aylen’s about the woulda-shoulda-couldas regarding the death of Aylen’s father.

INT. VON ABEL ESTATE – DAY

At their weekly teatime, Aylen shares all her wonderful news with her best friend, Kylantha “Key” von Abel. Jealous, Key has a difficult time being happy for her friend and cuts their visit short. After Aylen leaves, Key has a tantrum and has Dylan von Shain summoned at once.

THEME: Key’s mother died when she was young and her father buys her affections instead of giving her lve, so she has a constant regret about how different her life would be, had her mother lived.

INT. VON ABEL ESTATE – NIGHT

Dylan, his father Baron von Shain, and Key’s father Baron von Abel are subjected to Key’s tantrum over Aylen and Dylan’s engagement. Regardless of how much their parents have been pushing Dylan to marry Key since they were children, the final decision is his. He wants to marry for love, not title, and Aylen is his choice. His older brother will inherit the barony, so why should it matter? Dylan leaves no room for argument and leaves.

THEME: Dylan has seen what marrying for titles does in his own parents. He has a great relationship with his father, but a strained one with his mother because she never wanted to marry Dylan’s father. Learning from their past, he wants to make different choices than his parents did for a better outcome.

INT. COPPER DRAGYN TAVERN – NEXT DAY

Escorted by a personal body guard, Kylantha arrives at the tavern looking for Aylen, but she isn’t there. She has the day off to start her wedding plans. This infuriates Key and she storms out.

EXT. COPPER DRAGYN TAVERN – DAY

Before she climbs into her carriage, Tanyth has a conversation with her. They both have similar interests – they want Aylen out of the picture. He begins his devious plan by telling Key about Aylen’s mysterious letter from the “secret admirer”…

THEME: Instead of being better people, Key and Tanyth both blame Aylen for how their lives are turning out. Instead of changing what they do, they want to eliminate the person they feel is the author of their woes.

INT. ELCARYN COTTAGE – NIGHT

Inciting Incident: While Aylen, Dylan and Cellica are enjoying dinner, Aylen is arrested. They will not say what the charges are, but the cottage is searched and the letter she was to deliver on the morrow is confiscated. Dylan says he will go speak with his father immediately and vows to clear this up.

INT. ROYAL SOLINTA COURT CHAMBERS – NIGHT

Aylen is questioned by a royal clerk, Tirandal Qiren, about the secret admirer’s letter, and a truth rod proves she is telling the truth when she says she’s ignorant of the missive’s content. Although he is about to let her go, Qiren asks whom was the intended recipient. “The lady-in-waiting to Lady Greymore.” Qiren’s demeanor changes. He burns the letter and tells the guards to secure her. Aylen escapes before she can be put into a carriage and runs to her friend Key for help.

THEME: Qiren tries to erase the wrongdoing of his mother’s actions by making someone else pay for her sins.

INT. CASTLE ESTATE OF THE VON ABELS – NIGHT

Turning Point & Transformational Event #3: Although it seems Key will help Aylen escape, Aylen is defenseless against Key’s magic, which she uses to detain her to be arrested. In their exchange, Aylen learns Key was the one who betrayed her to the royal clerk. Aylen is hauled off to prison.

Act 2:

INT. FORTRESS OF VALNA – NIGHT

Reaction & Transitional Event #4: Aylen is sent to the Fortress of Valna – aka Anguish Island – and her welcoming is a good sound beating from a hulking female guard. Aylen cowers, bruised and bleeding, in the corner of her cell and her new home.

THEME: Anguish Island is filled with the theme of punishing people for the wrongs they have done. It is also the very tool used to transform Aylen into a strong, independent woman.

INT. GREYMORE MANSION – DAY

Tirandal Qiren marches home to confront his mother, Lady Haera Greymore. She is involved with Baron von Abel in some conspiracy to overthrow the throne and give the ruler of Mastonia passage to lay siege upon the Eastern Kingdoms. All of this was in the “secret admirer” letter he just burned. Although Qiren wants to leave the city at once, Lady Greymore tells him she’ll have him imprisoned as a traitor once she becomes queen of Solinta. He isn’t going anywhere.

THEME: Lady Greymore is taking the same path Key and Tanyth are taking: She is also making different choices for a better future, and her better life is at the expense of others.

INT. ROYAL SOLINTA COURT CHAMBERS – DAY

Dylan, Key and Aylen’s closest friends plea for her to be released and ask where she is. They have appealed for weeks and are getting nowhere. Tirandal Qiren apologizes, but says there’s nothing he can do. Aylen had evidence upon her and failed the truth rod inquisition. She was imprisoned for crimes against the crown and for being an accessory to conspiracy in this war with Mastonia that has just started. And he now has word in hand that says she has been executed. It is too late. Everyone is heartbroken and Kylantha “faints”, falling into Dylan’s arms.

INT. FORTRESS OF VALNA – DAY

Aylen causes a ruckus for the attention of the warden, who appears to hear her out. She pleads her innocence and asks for news or to send a letter. The warden tells her to give up all hope. This prison is for those who are meant to disappear. And besides, Solinta is at war with Mastonia right now, and this little speck on the map is the least of anyone’s concern. There will be no appeals, no visitors, no cell mates. She will live the rest of her life alone in this cell. She should be thankful she is not caught up in the war.

THEME: Anguish Island is “for those who are meant to disappear”, which is a metaphor for what we try to do with the past -make it disappear through penance. If someone suffers enough, it will erase the deeds of the past by balancing the penance against the pain. The lie is there will never be a balance because the past cannot be changed.

INT. VARIOUS LOCATIONS – MONTAGE – PASSAGE OF TIME

With a montage of images, we witness Aylen fall into the depths of despair, deteriorating from the sweet half-elf girl who had everything going for her to a broken soul who is giving up on life. We also see images of Solinta at war with Mastonia, and Dylan joins the military to defend his kingdom, alongside his father and older brother and, therefore, abandons Kylantha. Kylantha focuses her fury over Dylan into her magical studies.

INT. FORTRESS OF VALNA – DAY

New plan & Transitional Event #5: Aylen meets Syndra, an older fellow prisoner who has mistakenly dug her way into Aylen’s cell trying to escape. Syndra was once a powerful sorceress and an archaeologist, and Aylen makes a deal with her – educate her and she will help Syndra escape. She wants to not only learn general academics, but the theory of magic, as well as hand-to-hand and magical combat. The prison is warded to nullify magic, but Syndra can still teach her the motions and the book knowledge of magic.

INT. FORTRESS OF VALNA – DAY

During their efforts to dig their tunnel, Syndra shares her story – She was suspected by the King of Solinta of discovering the location of a great goblin treasure. When she denied having found it, he threw her in prison to persuade her to turn it over. Syndra told only one person about that treasure, so she knows who betrayed her, but the point is moot now. She’ll escape and live a wealthy life despite them.

THEME: Syndra has already learned the lesson of how regrets are fruitless and how futile revenge is. She is ready to make different choices to better her future, one of which is to escape and finally spend the treasure and live a fulfilling life. “Unforgiveness is like consuming poison and expecting the other to die,” is a quote Syndra will try to impart to Aylen.

INT. FORTRESS OF VALNA – MONTAGE – PASSAGE OF TIME

Plan in action: A compilation of scenes showing Aylen and Syndra digging their way out of the prison and how they’re able to keep up with the prison schedule of feeding and the emptying of the chamber pots to disguise their efforts. They come close to being caught on a couple of occasions. Aylen also gets the crap beat out of her regularly by her “favorite” hulking female guard.

THEME: The guard who keeps beating up Aylen is a metaphor for how Aylen continues to beat herself up for being naïve and innocent.

INT. PALACE OF RADARIO – DAY

Kylantha has returned to Radario to discover her father (Cormyn) and Lady Greymore betrayed the king and allowed the Blood Lord of Mastonia passage into the kingdom. The king was imprisoned and Baron von Abel (Key’s father) and Lady Haera Greymore were crowned the new rulers as a reward. However, the Blood Lord lost the battle against the Eastern Kingdoms and retreated to Mastonia. Cormyn and Haera continue to sit on the throne, letting the rightful ruler rot in the dungeon, and they are expecting a child, leaving Kylantha with no claim to the throne. Key doesn’t like playing second fiddle and in the guise of “protecting the throne”, Kylantha overthrows her father, killing him and his queen. Kylantha also shares the dreadful news with the kingdom that the king of Solinta died in the dungeons. As the hero of the kingdom, she now assumes the throne.

INT. FORTRESS OF VALNA – DAY

Between the montage of images…

• Beginning lessons of the science behind the magic that operates in Evanterra – Universal Energy, aether, nether, and how such energy flows through each individual. How much/little UE flows through a person determines how much magic they can wield.

• Lesson on the Triquetra of magic – the three things necessary to wield magic – UE, knowledge of spells, and kinship (someone’s aptitude or talent in certain areas, such as illusion or plants or the elements of water, fire, earth or air, etc.). The combination of these three and the variations of kinship determine the type of magic that can be wielded.

Aylen also receives general education, and learns how to speak and read multiple languages – Goblish, Vozohkian, northern elvish dialects compared to the southern dialects, Dwarvish, Terrusian, etc.

INT. FORTRESS OF VALNA – NIGHT

Aylen and Syndra discuss what happened to Aylen and who was involved with her arrest. Qiren was hiding something. He changed his mind and had her imprisoned, but why? They come to the conclusion that Qiren was protecting someone or himself, tied specifically to Lady Greymore. What his connection is to her is unknown, though.

INT. PALACE OF RADARIO – DAY

Qiren has a position as a jewel of the crown – one of seven seats on the council to the throne. In response to the queen trying to have Qiren assassinated, he reminds her that he still holds her past over her head and has failsafes in place. She’ll be ruined if she tries something like this again.

THEME: Even the powerful queen of Solinta can’t run from her past.

INT. FORTRESS OF VALNA – DAY

Aylen and Syndra finally dig an opening to the outside, but it’s partially blocked by stone That’s going to take longer to dig through, but their freedom is just within reach. Unfortunately, they have one other obstacle: the Draconian Sea serpents surrounding the island are in the middle of mating season. Syndra had planned on enchanting one for a ride, but dealing with dozens? No way. The good news is mating season should be over by the time they dig through the rock.

INT. FORTRESS OF VALNA – NIGHT

Midpoint Turning Point & Transformational Event #6: Their tunnel is discovered! Aylen and Syndra are confronted by the three guards on duty. Via distractions, fighting and tricking the guards, Aylen and Syndra escape.

EXT. FORTRESS OF VALNA – CONTINUED

Managing to thwart the guards, Aylen and Syndra escape to the edge of the island, outside the magical ward of the fortress. There is a horrible storm raging outside, but they are free! Outside of the ward, Syndra is able to use magic, but they still have a swarm of sea serpents to deal with. She enchants one of the sea dragons for them to hitch a ride, but using magic triggers a booby trap planted inside her. Syndra is going to die. Aylen must use what she was taught to finish their rescue. Through much struggle, mistakes, and almost becoming an aperitif, they are able to make it to shore and hide in the caves along the cliffs of the Lourean Kingdom. Huddled together, they collapse, exhausted.

THEME: The ‘booby trap’ inside Syndra is Nether Moss, which has been lying dormant since her first night in prison. Nether Moss is triggered by the use of magic and is deadly if allowed to spread – it’s how Aylen’s father died and why her mother is sickly. Aylen’s reminded of past regrets and it is the metaphor of how revenge will eat you up inside.

Act 3:

EXT. SHORES OF LOUREAN KINGDOM – DAY

Rethink everything: Upon waking, Syndra explains she will die in a few days as long as she doesn’t use any magic. It will be up to Aylen to use magic for any of their needs moving forward. They must reach the village of Thallan in Lourean, but Syndra is cryptic about why it’s so important. First thing’s first, though. They need to get out of these prison rags and find food, so they set off looking for the first settlement they can find.

EXT. WIDOW’S CABIN – DAY

They find a widow’s cabin and for some chores as payment, she offers food, shelter, and clothes. Syndra talks her into lending them a horse and cart to Thallan by sharing who they’re going to see – Royal Clerk Lambert Thompson. Because the widow knows and trusts Thompson, she tells them to leave the horse and cart with the stable, she’ll pick them up later.

THEME: The widow has learned from her own past through her husband and lives a life of peace because he taught her how to let go of the past, not dwell on an unknown future, and instead value living in the present. Aylen will see how she and her mother wasted their lives by not letting go of the sorrow caused by losing her father, and they dreaded the future of when the sickness would eventually claim Cellica.

EXT. ROAD TO THALLAN VILLAGE – DAY

They have a half-day’s journey ahead of them, so Aylen practices her magic, but Syndra also gives Aylen the map to the location of the goblin king’s treasure. She lied about not finding it, but she won’t be around to enjoy it and wants Aylen to have it. Thompson will be able to draw up the magical contract that will take Syndra’s ability to be the key to the treasure and transfer it to Aylen, who will be the new key.

INT. LAMBERT THOMPSON’S COTTAGE, THALLAN – DAY

Transition Event #7: Lambert Thompson (human) is an old friend of Syndra’s. The contract he’s creating will also make Aylen Syndra’s sole heir to her estate and title, and must be sealed with Syndra’s magic, which will be fatal to her. Syndra says her goodbyes and gives some final parting advice, which includes the futility of revenge. Syndra signs the contract and dies. Aylen Elcaryn, once tavern girl and prisoner, becomes Aylen Ara’Elcaryn, heir to Amon Fae, her new estate in Lourean.

INT. LAMBERT THOMPSON’S COTTAGE – NIGHT

New insights: Aylen questions Thompson about his relationship with Syndra. When they share stories, Thompson confirms that Aylen isn’t the only victim of the von Abels. Kylantha’s father, Baron Cormyn von Abel, is the one who imprisoned Syndra with the authority of the king. Aylen is determined to avenge Syndra as well as herself and will do so by fulfilling Syndra’s dying wish – earn a degree in magic at the Lyceum in Havencrest. Thompson will journey with her tomorrow to Yaphine, where he can secure a faery portal for her to Havencrest.

INT. MAGE’S GUILD IN YAPHINE – DAY

Through Aylen’s letter of recommendation to the Lyceum of Havencrest, Aylen is granted permission to use the faery portal. She says her goodbyes to Thompson and steps through.

INT. LYCEUM OF HAVENCREST – DAY

Aylen arrives on the other side in the portal room of the lyceum, where she is greeted by her new mentor. Aylen checks in with her letter of recommendation from Syndra, which earns Aylen instant respect. Her room in the dormitory will be ready tomorrow, so she will have to stay in the city overnight, but they give her a list of supplies she’ll need and they welcome her to the college. She’ll start tomorrow.

THEME: Aylen is about to embark upon a new life, but she’s at the threshold of her choices. Will she choose to enjoy all life has to offer? Or will she try to fix the past with vengeance?

EXT. CITY OF HAVENCREST – DAY

New plan: Aylen finishes her shopping of supplies (e.g., parchments, writing instruments, a few books, etc.) and heads toward the Golden Gryphon, one of the recommended taverns near the college. On the way, she encounters a young gnobbit pickpocket (Gwendolyn Diggle) who is in a scrap with a street gang. Aylen comes to the little rogue’s defense and is challenged to a duel with the leader of the gang who Aylen learns is a member of the thieves’ guild. The fight is a combination of magic and knives, but Aylen overcomes her opponent. She not only earns Gwen’s loyalty, but the respect of the master thief whom she bested. They go to the Golden Gryphon Tavern and share drinks and a meal.

THEME: Gwen seems to be the embodiment of the eye-for-an-eye mentality, living the life of a thief and a would-be assassin.

EXT. LYCEUM OF HAVENCREST – NEXT DAY

Before Aylen checks into the Lyceum, she asks Gwen to do her a favor. Gwen eagerly agrees – she owes Aylen her life. Since Gwen is a member of the thieves guild, Aylen asks her to journey to Radario and use her underground connections to find out what has become of her family, friends and enemies. She wants to know what has transpired since she was imprisoned.

INT. LYCEUM OF HAVENCREST – CONTINUED

Aylen enters the college with Gwen and, since Aylen is now nobility and has free access to the portals, Gwen is granted access to journey to Radario, with a certificate of passage for the way back. They say their goodbyes and Aylen is shown to her dormitory and introduced to her new mentor, Esmeralda Xandu (anagram for Alexandre Dumas).

INT. & EXT. LYCEUM OF HAVENCREST – THREE MONTHS LATER

Turning Point & Transition Event #8: When Aylen emerges from the college, earning her robes and the certificate of her degree as a Sorceress, we learn that because Aylen trained extensively over 15 years with Syndra, she only needed to be tested for her kinships, practice applying her skills with the use of universal energy, and then pass her examinations, which she did with flying colors. Aylen is a full-fledge Sorceress of the highest order. Gwen, already returned from her fact-seeking journey to Radario, awaits her outside of the college and they head to the Golden Gryphon Tavern to celebrate.

THEME: This is Aylen coming to the fork in the road – the past (Gwen bringing news of what has happened) and the future (everything Aylen can be with her new degree). Esmeralda might even tell Aylen, “You are at the junction of your life. Which path will you take, Sorceress?”

INT. THE GOLDEN GRYPHON TAVERN – NIGHT

Gwen relays her info to Aylen in the privacy of their room. Kylantha is now on the throne! Qiren has become a Jewel of the Crown, a member of the council, who are advisors to the throne of Solinta. Cellica, Aylen’s mother, died shortly after Aylen went to prison. Tanyth bought out Aylen’s former employer and is now the owner of the Copper Dragyn. Jaeros (ex-tavern owner) and his wife are struggling to survive.

Since Kylantha on the throne, they can’t risk using the faery portal to Radario. Aylen will have to return to Yaphine and take the 2-day trip to her new estate in Lourean. Their next order of business is to find the treasure.

And what of Dylan? Gwen says he was the hardest to find. His title was stripped and he’s marked as a traitor in Solinta. His father was executed as a traitor of the crown, and Dylan’s brother died on the battlefield. Only because Dylan fought in favor of the crown was he spared the fate of his father. Now he’s in Lourean working as a Soldier of Fortune for the prefects. Dylan hunts down bad guys.

THEME: Dylan is the embodiment of the past and future for Aylen.

INT. LOUREAN ROYAL COURTHOUSE – NIGHT

Dylan turns in the latest criminal he’s apprehended and gets paid. The Lourean prefect who pays him says he did a little digging in Dylan’s case about trying to find proof of his father’s innocence, but he keeps getting stonewalled. Dylan tells him to stop looking. This had Kylantha all over it, and she’s too powerful to come up against. She has the information to clear Dylan’s family name, but her price is too high – marriage so he can become her lap dog. No way. Dylan has to admit defeat and get on with his already ruined life. Why make it worse by becoming Key’s slave?

THEME: Dylan has his own regrets, but is using his previous lesson of learning from the past to make different choices for a better future. His current perspective, though, seems to be a little darker than it used to be.

INT. DYLAN’S APARTMENT IN LOUREAN – NIGHT

Before Dylan can settle down for the night, he catches someone prowling around his place. Dylan apprehends the guy, who confesses who he’s spying for under pressure – Kylantha. Key has not only been spying on Dylan, but she’s been the whole reason he had to leave Solinta. Key has been trying to bottleneck Dylan, trying to make her his only option for redeeming his family name. Dylan lets the guy go and advises him to leave the continent to dodge the wrath of the queen.

Act 4:

INT. GRAND ESTATE OF AMON FAE – DAY

New Plan: Aylen and Gwen arrive at Amon Fae to take stock of what Aylen’s inherited. The place is a mess – unkempt for several years. Although accommodations aren’t great, they get settled in. The treasure is hidden in a chamber beneath the foundation of the estate, which could only be revealed by the heir of Amon Fae. This is why the contract for Syndra’s title and riches was a magical one. Binding Aylen to the inheritance, she became the key to the treasure, and it’s why no one else has been able to find the treasure all these years.

THEME: Amon Fae is a metaphor for the path before Aylen – There is much potential in what she can become. Will she foster that potential and dig deep to make the best life possible? Or will the changes be superficial?

INT. CAVERN UNDER AMON FAE – DAY

The wealth of the great goblin king’s treasure is beyond anything they ever imagined. It was taken by the goblins in many raids over decades and then lost four centuries ago during the Siege of Maroshnar and the downfall of King Clotmord. Gwen is a bit of a geek about it.

THEME: I could keep the relic, perhaps make it a symbol of how the poison of the past and revenge can be fatal.

INT. AMON FAE, PARLOR – DAY

Aylen wants her enemies to suffer like she has. Gwen tries to talk her out of this, but she isn’t budging. Time for a party! The new Sorceress of Amon Fae has returned to claim her riches. Why not show them off and invite each of the key players? But the estate must be restored before they can entrap their prey.

THEME: Aylen is consistently being presented the choice of living a new future or living in the past. Is she digging deep or being superficial and turning into her enemies?

INT. & EXT. EXECUTE THE PLAN – MONTAGE

They prepare for the big event, and the short montage shows everything that goes into planning for the event – wardrobe, catering, landscaping and repairs. Gwen is prowling around the streets of Radario, spying on the fiends and gathering current intel. We see Aylen and Gwen plotting. The invitations go out to everyone who is important.

PLACEHOLDER: DYLAN’S REASON FOR ATTENDING

Still trying to figure out how Dylan may (or may not) end up at the party, but Aylen and Dylan should probably see each other after all these years. She still thinks he had a hand in her going to prison, since he never came looking for her. He will suspect Aylen is his lost love, but she will discourage him from this notion.

PLACEHOLDER: AYLEN GETS REVENGE ON QIREN

Aylen might find out about what Qiren holds over Kylantha, and Aylen could start the ball rolling to reveal all their secrets, getting them entrapped by their own web of deception and blackmail.

THEME: Aylen will get satisfaction off of finally having justice served, and it will seduce her into believing she is finally at the end of her journey.

PLACEHOLDER: DYLAN & AYLEN REUNITE

Dylan will figure out who the Sorceress of Amon Fae really is – Aylen, his lost love – and confront her. They will reconcile and make love. Although Dylan wants them to walk away from the past, Aylen won’t. She isn’t finished with her revenge yet.

THEME: Although she has had a taste of justice, she’s also just had a taste of what the good life can be with Dylan. He might not like the woman she’s becoming and the more she goes down the path of revenge, the closer she’ll become to the point of no return. She might ruin her chances of the shiny life she’s imagining.

PLACEHOLDER: AYLEN GETS REVENGE ON TANYTH

Aylen will entrap Tanyth, who conspired with Key to report Aylen to Qiren as a traitor.

THEME: I might need to make this deed of revenge a little darker, and making Aylen realize she isn’t getting as much satisfaction from this plan as she thought. It might drive her to seek more.

Climax & Transitional Event #9: The last person she must face is Kylantha, but her ex-friend has become a powerful mage herself with many years of practice and she is the queen. The two duel and Kylantha is winning. In her lack of experience, Aylen will resort to using the magical relic of the goblin king’s treasure in order to win the duel, but doing so will push her to that point of no return on the path to vengeance. Will she recognize when it is too much, or will she get sucked into the thrill of victory while sacrificing everything? Dylan may be her only hope of making the right choice.

THEME: Aylen will have to decide how important it is to make Kylantha pay for the life Aylen could have had, for what may have been. She will have one last chance to choose life (Dylan) or death (Kylantha).

Resolution: Aylen chooses Dylan and Kylantha is spared. But as Aylen tosses aside the relic to save herself from sacrificing everything, Kylantha picks it up in a last attempt to destroy her enemies. The relic consumes her and she dies by her own hand. she takes her place as Aylen Ara’Elcaryn, the Sorceress of Amon Fae with him at her side and they set off to travel around the world and have a family of their own.

[Arial Burnz]

Subject: Arial Burnz’s High Speed Beat Sheet

What I learned doing this assignment is…I failed miserably at getting this down quickly. Through the exercise, I learned I needed to change the internal arc of my character, though. Filling in the scenes helped me realize I needed to pivot by changing her personality a little.

And this hammered the point that my ongoing problem is being brief! Words are POURING from my fingertips, but I’m having a real hard time locking down a simple summary of each scene.

Logline: After a young elf is betrayed by her best friend, she is imprisoned and spends fifteen years escaping and developing her skills to become a powerful sorceress and seek vengeance. This is a gender-flipping retelling of the tale The Count of Monte Cristo, but set in a fantasy world.

Tweaking a little…

Aylen’s Old Ways:

• Old Identity: Poor tavern girl, half-elf
• Naïve and too trusting of those around her
• Cannot wield magic and ignorant of the craft

Aylen’s New Ways:

• New Identity: Wealthy sorceress with a title
• Strong independent woman
• Is a powerful yet responsible wielder of magic

Act 1:

EXT. COPPER DRAGYN TAVERN – ALLEY – DAY

Opening: When Aylen arrives at her place of work, she is greeted by a messenger with a proposition – delivery a wax-sealed letter from a “secret admirer” to the lady-in-waiting of Lady Greymore. Secrecy is paramount and Aylen is paid a large sum, half in advance. The rest to be paid after delivery. He will find her. Aylen’s co-worker, Tanyth, is spying on the conversation, though. Tanyth knows the identity of the messenger behind his magical glamor, and he suspects there’s something sinister behind the letter.

INT. COPPER DRAGYN TAVERN – DAY

While Aylen is distracted speaking with the tavern owner about some creative marketing she’s doing for his business, Tanyth sneaks a peek at the letter, then reseals it and puts it back into Aylen’s belongings. He makes it very obvious he is not a fan of Aylen’s and her ambitious ideas, so Tanyth is keeping this information in his proverbial back pocket.

INT. COPPER DRAGYN TAVERN – NIGHT

Transformational Event #1: Because of her marketing efforts this week, the tavern is packed and Aylen is offered a partnership in the business. This pisses Tanyth off, though, who believes he should have been made partner. His distaste for Aylen grows.

EXT. COPPER DRAGYN TAVERN – NIGHT

Transformational Event #2: Dylan von Shain, Aylen’s boyfriend and childhood friend, takes a romantic detour while walking her home and proposes marriage. This is young love at its finest!

INT. ELCARYN COTTAGE – NIGHT

Aylen returns home with Dylan to share today’s news with her mother, Cellica. This good fortune will allow Aylen to buy better care for her sickly parent. Privately, Aylen gives Cellica medicine she purchased with the money she received from the messenger, but doesn’t reveal how she got it and makes her mother vow not to say anything to anyone.

INT. VON ABEL ESTATE – DAY

At their weekly teatime, Aylen shares all her wonderful news with her best friend, Kylantha “Key” von Abel. Jealous, Key has a difficult time being happy for her friend and cuts their visit short. After Aylen leaves, Key has a tantrum and has Dylan von Shain summoned at once.

INT. VON ABEL ESTATE – NIGHT

Dylan, his father Baron von Shain, and Key’s father Baron von Abel are subjected to Key’s tantrum over Aylen and Dylan’s engagement. Regardless of how much their parents have been pushing Dylan to marry Key since they were children, the final decision is his. He wants to marry for love, not title, and Aylen is his choice. His older brother will inherit the barony, so why should it matter? Dylan leaves no room for argument and leaves.

INT. COPPER DRAGYN TAVERN – NEXT DAY

Escorted by a personal body guard, Kylantha arrives at the tavern looking for Aylen, but she isn’t there. She has the day off to start her wedding plans. This infuriates Key and she storms out.

EXT. COPPER DRAGYN TAVERN – DAY

Before she climbs into her carriage, Tanyth has a conversation with her. They both have similar interests – they want Aylen out of the picture. He begins his devious plan by telling Key about Aylen’s mysterious letter from the “secret admirer”…

INT. ELCARYN COTTAGE – NIGHT

Inciting Incident: While Aylen, Dylan and Cellica are enjoying dinner, Aylen is arrested. They will not say what the charges are, but the cottage is searched and the letter she was to deliver on the morrow is confiscated. Dylan says he will go speak with his father immediately and vows to clear this up.

INT. ROYAL SOLINTA COURT CHAMBERS – NIGHT

Aylen is questioned by a royal clerk, Tirandal Qiren, about the secret admirer’s letter, and a truth rod proves she is telling the truth when she says she’s ignorant of the missive’s content. Although he is about to let her go, Qiren asks whom was the intended recipient. “The lady-in-waiting to Lady Greymore.” Qiren’s demeanor changes. He burns the letter and tells the guards to secure her. Aylen escapes before she can be put into a carriage and runs to her friend Key for help.

INT. CASTLE ESTATE OF THE VON ABELS – NIGHT

Turning Point & Transformational Event #3: Although it seems Key will help Aylen escape, Aylen is defenseless against Key’s magic, which she uses to detain her to be arrested. In their exchange, Aylen learns Key was the one who betrayed her to the royal clerk. Aylen is hauled off to prison.

Act 2:

INT. FORTRESS OF VALNA – NIGHT

Reaction & Transitional Event #4: Aylen is sent to the Fortress of Valna – aka Anguish Island – and her welcoming is a good sound beating from a hulking female guard. Aylen cowers, bruised and bleeding, in the corner of her cell and her new home.

INT. GREYMORE MANSION – DAY

Tirandal Qiren marches home to confront his mother, Lady Haera Greymore. She is involved with Baron von Abel in some conspiracy to overthrow the throne and give the ruler of Mastonia passage to lay siege upon the Eastern Kingdoms. All of this was in the “secret admirer” letter he just burned. Although Qiren wants to leave the city at once, Lady Greymore tells him she’ll have him imprisoned as a traitor once she becomes queen of Solinta. He isn’t going anywhere.

INT. ROYAL SOLINTA COURT CHAMBERS – DAY

Dylan, Key and Aylen’s closest friends plead for her to be released and ask where she is. They have appealed for weeks and are getting nowhere. Tirandal Qiren apologizes, but says there’s nothing he can do. Aylen had evidence upon her and failed the truth rod inquisition. She was imprisoned for crimes against the crown and for being an accessory to conspiracy in this war with Mastonia that has just started. And he now has word in hand that says she has been executed. It is too late. Everyone is heartbroken and Kylantha “faints”, falling into Dylan’s arms.

INT. FORTRESS OF VALNA – DAY

Aylen causes a ruckus for the attention of the warden, who appears to hear her out. She pleads her innocence and asks for news or to send a letter. The warden tells her to give up all hope. This prison is for those who are meant to disappear. And besides, Solinta is at war with Mastonia right now, and this little speck on the map is the least of anyone’s concern. There will be no appeals, no visitors, no cell mates. She will live the rest of her life alone in this cell. She should be thankful she is not caught up in the war.

INT. VARIOUS LOCATIONS – MONTAGE – PASSAGE OF TIME

With a montage of images, we witness Aylen fall into the depths of despair, deteriorating from the sweet half-elf girl who had everything going for her to a broken soul who is giving up on life. We also see images of Solinta at war with Mastonia, and Dylan joins the military to defend his kingdom, alongside his father and older brother and, therefore, abandons Kylantha. Kylantha focuses her fury over Dylan into her magical studies.

INT. FORTRESS OF VALNA – DAY

New plan & Transitional Event #5: Aylen meets Syndra, an older fellow prisoner who has mistakenly dug her way into Aylen’s cell trying to escape. Syndra was once a powerful sorceress and an archaeologist, and Aylen makes a deal with her – educate her and she will help Syndra escape. She wants to not only learn general academics, but the theory of magic, as well as hand-to-hand and magical combat. The prison is warded to nullify magic, but Syndra can still teach her the motions and the book knowledge of magic.

INT. FORTRESS OF VALNA – DAY

During their efforts to dig their tunnel, Syndra shares her story – She was suspected by the King of Solinta of discovering the location of a great goblin treasure. When she denied having found it, he threw her in prison to persuade her to turn it over. Syndra told only one person about that treasure, so she knows who betrayed her, but the point is moot now. She’ll escape and live a wealthy life despite them.

INT. FORTRESS OF VALNA – MONTAGE – PASSAGE OF TIME

Plan in action: A compilation of scenes showing Aylen and Syndra digging their way out of the prison and how they’re able to keep up with the prison schedule of feeding and the emptying of the chamber pots to disguise their efforts. They come close to being caught on a couple of occasions. Aylen also gets the crap beat out of her regularly by her “favorite” hulking female guard.

INT. FORTRESS OF VALNA – DAY

Between the montage of images…

• Beginning lessons of the science behind the magic that operates in Evanterra – Universal Energy, aether, nether, and how such energy flows through each individual. How much/little UE flows through a person determines how much magic they can wield.
• Lesson on the Triquetra of magic – the three things necessary to wield magic – UE, knowledge of spells, and kinship (someone’s aptitude or talent in certain areas, such as illusion or plants or the elements of water, fire, earth or air, etc.). The combination of these three and the variations of kinship determine the type of magic that can be wielded.

Aylen also receives general education, and learns how to speak and read multiple languages – Goblish, Vozohkian, northern elvish dialects compared to the southern dialects, Dwarvish, Terrusian, etc.

INT. FORTRESS OF VALNA – NIGHT

Aylen and Syndra discuss what happened to Aylen and who was involved with her arrest. Qiren was hiding something. He changed his mind and had her imprisoned, but why? They come to the conclusion that Qiren was protecting someone or himself, tied specifically to Lady Greymore. What his connection is to her is unknown, though.

INT. FORTRESS OF VALNA – DAY

Aylen and Syndra finally dig an opening to the outside, but it’s partially blocked by stone That’s going to take longer to dig through, but their freedom is just within reach. Unfortunately, they have one other obstacle: the Draconian Sea serpents surrounding the island are in the middle of mating season. Syndra had planned on enchanting one for a ride, but dealing with dozens? No way. But mating season should be over by the time they dig through the rock.

INT. FORTRESS OF VALNA – NIGHT

Midpoint Turning Point & Transformational Event #6: Their tunnel is discovered! Aylen and Syndra are confronted by the three guards on duty. Via distractions, fighting and tricking the guards, Aylen and Syndra escape.

EXT. FORTRESS OF VALNA – CONTINUED

Managing to thwart the guards, Aylen and Syndra escape to the edge of the island, outside the magical ward of the fortress. There is a horrible storm raging outside, but they are free! Outside of the ward, Syndra is able to use magic, but they still have a swarm of sea serpents to deal with. She enchants one of the sea dragons for them to hitch a ride, but using magic triggers a booby trap planted inside her. Syndra is going to die. Aylen must use what she was taught to finish their rescue. Through much struggle, mistakes, and almost becoming an aperitif, they are able to make it to shore and hide in the caves along the cliffs of the Lourean Kingdom. Huddled together, they collapse, exhausted.

Act 3:

EXT. SHORES OF LOUREAN KINGDOM – DAY

Rethink everything: Upon waking, Syndra explains she will die in a few days as long as she doesn’t use any magic. It will be up to Aylen to use magic for any of their needs moving forward. They must reach the village of Thallan in Lourean, but Syndra is cryptic about why it’s so important. First thing’s first, though. They need to get out of these prison rags and find food, so they set off looking for the first settlement they can find.

EXT. WIDOW’S CABIN – DAY

They find a widow’s cabin and for some chores as payment, she offers food, shelter, and clothes. Syndra talks her into lending them a horse and cart to Thallan by sharing who they’re going to see – Royal Clerk Lambert Thompson. Because the widow knows and trusts Thompson, she tells them to leave the horse and cart with the stable, she’ll pick them up later.

EXT. ROAD TO THALLAN VILLAGE – DAY

They have a half-day’s journey ahead of them, so Aylen practices her magic, but Syndra also gives Aylen the map to the location of the goblin king’s treasure. She lied about not finding it, but she won’t be around to enjoy it and wants Aylen to have it. Thompson will be able to draw up the magical contract that will take Syndra’s ability to be the key to the treasure and transfer it to Aylen, who will be the new key.

INT. LAMBERT THOMPSON’S COTTAGE, THALLAN – DAY

Transition Event #7: Lambert Thompson (human) is an old friend of Syndra’s. The contract he’s creating will also make Aylen Syndra’s sole heir to her estate and title, and must be sealed with Syndra’s magic, which will be fatal to her. Syndra says her goodbyes and gives some final parting advice, which includes the futility of revenge. Syndra signs the contract and dies. Aylen Elcaryn, once tavern girl and prisoner, becomes Aylen Ara’Elcaryn, heir to Amon Fae, her new estate on the outskirts of Radario.

INT. LAMBERT THOMPSON’S COTTAGE – NIGHT

New insights: Aylen questions Thompson his relationship with Syndra. When they share stories, Thompson confirms that Aylen isn’t the only victim of the von Abels. Kylantha’s father, Baron Cormyn von Abel, is the one who imprisoned Syndra with the authority of the king. Aylen is determined to avenge Syndra as well as herself and will do so by fulfilling Syndra’s dying wish – earn a degree in magic at the Lyceum in Havencrest. Thompson will journey with her tomorrow to Yaphine, where he can secure a faery portal for her to Havencrest.

INT. MAGE’S GUILD IN YAPHINE – DAY

Through Aylen’s letter of recommendation to the Lyceum of Havencrest, Aylen is granted permission to use the faery portal. She says her goodbyes to Thompson and steps through.

INT. LYCEUM OF HAVENCREST – DAY

Aylen arrives on the other side in the portal room of the lyceum, where she is greeted by her new mentor. Aylen checks in with her letter of recommendation from Syndra, which earns Aylen instant respect. Her room in the dormitory will be ready tomorrow, so she will have to stay in the city overnight, but they give her a list of supplies she’ll need and welcome her to the college. She’ll start tomorrow.

EXT. CITY OF HAVENCREST – DAY

New plan: Aylen finishes her shopping of supplies (e.g., parchments, writing instruments, a few books, etc.) and heads toward the Golden Gryphon, one of the recommended taverns near the college. On the way, she encounters a young gnobbit pickpocket (Gwendolyn Diggle) who is in a scrap with a street gang. Aylen comes to the little rogue’s defense and is challenged to a duel with the leader of the gang who Aylen learns is a member of the thieves’ guild. The fight is a combination of magic and knives, but Aylen overcomes her opponent. She not only earns Gwen’s loyalty, but the respect of the master thief whom she bested. They go to the Golden Gryphon Tavern and share drinks and a meal.

EXT. LYCEUM OF HAVENCREST – NEXT DAY

Before Aylen checks into the Lyceum, she asks Gwen to do her a favor. Gwen eagerly agrees – she owes Aylen her life. Since Gwen is a member of the thieves guild, Aylen asks her to journey to Radario and find out what has become of her family, friends and enemies. She wants to know what has transpired since she was imprisoned.

INT. LYCEUM OF HAVENCREST – CONTINUED

Aylen enters the college with Gwen and, since Aylen is now nobility and has free access to the portals, Gwen is granted access to journey to Radario, with a certificate of passage for the way back. They say their goodbyes and Aylen is shown to her dormitory and introduced to the world of the Lyceum.

INT. & EXT. LYCEUM OF HAVENCREST – THREE MONTHS LATER

Turning Point & Transition Event #8: When Aylen emerges from the college, earning her robes and the certificate of her degree as a Sorceress, we learn that because Aylen trained extensively over 15 years with Syndra, she only needed to be tested for her kinships, practice applying her skills with the use of universal energy, and then pass her examinations, which she did with flying colors. Aylen is a full-fledge Sorceress of the highest order. Gwen, already returned from her fact-seeking journey to Radario, awaits her outside of the college and they head to the Golden Gryphon Tavern to celebrate.

INT. THE GOLDEN GRYPHON TAVERN – NIGHT

Gwen relays her info to Aylen in the privacy of their room. Kylantha is now a Jewel of the Crown, a member of the council to the King of Solinta, and the position she holds is the Royal Mage and advisor to the throne. Cellica, Aylen’s mother, died shortly after Aylen went to prison. Tanyth bought out Aylen’s former employer and is now the owner of the Copper Dragyn. Jaeros (ex-tavern owner) and his wife died about 5 years ago. And Qiren has also climbed the ranks and oversees [placeholder].

Since Kylantha is so close to the throne, they can’t risk using the Faery Portal to Radario. Aylen will have to return to Yaphine and take the 2-day trip to her new estate in Lourean. Their next order of business is to find that treasure.

And what of Dylan? Gwen says he was the hardest to find. His title was stripped and he’s marked as a traitor in Solinta. His father was executed as a traitor of the crown, and Dylan’s brother died on the battlefield. Only because Dylan fought in favor of the crown was he spared the fate of his father. Now he’s in Lourean working as a Soldier of Fortune for the prefects. Dylan hunts down bad guys.

INT. LOUREAN ROYAL COURTHOUSE – NIGHT

Dylan turns in the latest criminal he’s apprehended and gets paid. The Lourean prefect who pays him says he did a little digging in Dylan’s case about trying to find proof of his father’s innocence, but he keeps getting stonewalled. Dylan tells him to stop looking. This had Kylantha all over it, and she’s too powerful to come up against. She has the information to clear Dylan’s family name, but her price is too high – marriage so he can become her lap dog. No way. Dylan has to admit defeat and get on with his already ruined life. Why make it worse by becoming Key’s slave?

INT. DYLAN’S APARTMENT IN LOUREAN – NIGHT

Before Dylan can settle down for the night, he catches someone prowling around his place. Dylan apprehends the guy, who confesses who he’s spying for under pressure. Key has not only been spying on Dylan, but she’s been the whole reason he had to leave Solinta. Key has been trying to bottleneck Dylan, trying to make her his only option for redeeming his family name. Dylan lets the guy go and advises him to leave the continent to dodge the wrath of Kylantha.

Act 4:

INT. GRAND ESTATE OF AMON FAE – DAY

New Plan: Aylen and Gwen arrive at Amon Fae to take stock of what Aylen’s inherited. The place is a mess – unkempt for several years. Although accommodations aren’t great, they get settled in. The treasure is hidden in a chamber beneath the foundation of the estate, which could only be revealed by the heir of Amon Fae. This is why the contract for Syndra’s title and riches was a magical one. Binding Aylen to the inheritance, she became the key to the treasure, and it’s why no one else has been able to find the treasure all these years.

INT. CAVERN UNDER AMON FAE – DAY

The wealth of the great goblin king’s treasure is beyond anything they ever imagined, which, taken by the goblins in many raids over decades and then lost four centuries ago during the Siege of Maroshnar and the downfall of King Clotmord. Gwen is a bit of a geek about it. [IF I’m keeping the magic relic item: We also learn a bit more about the dangerous magical relic here.]

INT. AMON FAE, PARLOR – DAY

Aylen wants her enemies to suffer like she has. Gwen tries to talk her out of this, but she isn’t budging. Time for a party! The new Sorceress of Amon Fae has returned to claim her riches. Why not show them off and invite each of the key players? But the estate must be restored before they can entrap their prey.

INT. & EXT. EXECUTE THE PLAN – MONTAGE

They prepare for the big event, and the short montage shows everything that goes into planning for the event – wardrobe, catering, landscaping and repairs. Gwen is prowling around the streets of Radario, spying on the fiends and gathering current intel. We see Aylen and Gwen plotting. The invitations go out to everyone who is important.

PLACEHOLDER: DYLAN’S REASON FOR ATTENDING

Still trying to figure out how Dylan may (or may not) end up at the party, but Aylen and Dylan should probably see each other after all these years. She still thinks he had a hand in her going to prison, since he never came looking for her. He will suspect Aylen is his lost love, but she will discourage him from this notion.

PLACEHOLDER: AYLEN GETS REVENGE ON QIREN

Aylen will entrap Qiren, the royal clerk who lied and had her sent to prison.

PLACEHOLDER: DYLAN & AYLEN REUNITE

Dylan will figure out who the Sorceress of Amon Fae really is – Aylen, his lost love – and confront her. They will reconcile and make love. Although Dylan wants them to walk away from the past, Aylen won’t. She isn’t finished with her revenge yet.

PLACEHOLDER: AYLEN GETS REVENGE ON TANYTH

Aylen will entrap Tanyth, who conspired with Key to report Aylen to Qiren as a traitor.

Climax & Transitional Event #9: The last person she must face is Kylantha, but her friend has become a powerful mage herself and has had many years of practice, where Aylen has only had a few. The two duel and it appears Kylantha will win, but Aylen will pull upon her final lesson from Syndra (still need to refine this) and triumph over Kylantha. (STILL NOT SURE IF I’M USING THIS: There will be a single magical relic/item the baron was after from Syndra, and I want that item to be the key to Kylantha’s undoing, but I also want Aylen’s abilities to contribute to her victory. The personal lesson learned, which will give her the ability to triumph.)

Resolution: Aylen is reunited with Dylan and she takes her place as Aylen Ara’Elcaryn, the Sorceress of Amon Fae with him at her side and they set off to travel around the world and have a family of their own.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by  Arial Burnz.

[Arial Burnz]

Subject: Arial Burnz’s Transformational Events

What I learned doing this assignment is…that there is a tangible structure to the progression of the character. I LOVE THIS! I knew the character had to grow, but these transformational and transitional events finally help me put it into an easy way to brainstorm them and see the transformation with purpose and meaning. YAY! I’m hoping I got it, but I know some of this needs to be refined, especially toward the end.

Concept: After a young woman is betrayed by her best friend, she is imprisoned and spends fifteen years escaping and developing her skills to become a powerful sorceress and seek vengeance.

Main Conflict: Aylen’s best friend Kylantha (aka Key) wants Aylen out of the way so she can wed Dillon, and uses manipulation and her father’s connections to have Aylen thrown in prison for a crime she didn’t commit.

Aylen’s Old Ways:

• Old Identity: Poor tavern girl
• Shy, meek doormat living in fear
• Cannot wield magic and ignorant of the craft

Aylen’s New Ways:

• New Identity: Wealthy sorceress with a title
• Strong independent woman
• Is a powerful yet responsible wielder of magic

Act 1:

Opening: Subjected to racial persecution (she’s a half-elf) and abuse growing up, Aylen lives under the emotional and physical protection of her friends and family, too afraid to defend or protect herself. Her hopes are to start a new life with her boyfriend, Dillon, and leave with him to travel the world, basically running from her problems and hanging her future on her beau.

Transformational Event #1: Aylen is bullied by one of her co-workers and tries to avoid the conflict, but ends up on her face with ale all over her. When her uncle asks what happened, the bully picks Aylen up and explains she tripped. Aylen allows the lie to stick because she doesn’t want trouble.

Transformational Event #2: On the way to meeting Key, her best friend, Aylen is mugged in an alley. If that wasn’t enough, the guy plans on taking other liberties with her, but Key steps in and uses magic to stop the attack and humiliate the man, saving Aylen.

Transformation Event #3: Dillon, Aylen’s boyfriend, tells her it’s time for them to tell Key they’re going to be together and he’s going to break the betrothal contract he has with Key. Aylen is afraid, but leaves the fate of their relationship in his hands.

Inciting Incident: As a response to Dillon breaking their betrothal contract, Key frames Aylen for a crime she didn’t commit to get her out of the way.

Turning Point & Transformational Event #4: When Aylen goes to Key for help, Key uses magic on Aylen to secure her, but Aylen doesn’t know magic and can’t fight back. Key turns Aylen in to the authorities, revealing she’s the one who set Aylen up. Aylen is dragged off to prison.

Act 2:

Reaction & Transitional Event #5: Aylen is sent to the Fortress of Valna – aka Anguish Island – and when she tries to proclaim her innocence to the warden and prison guard, the guard bullies her. With the threat of this hell-hole being her new home forever, Aylen sticks up for herself for the first real time in her life. But the guard gives Aylen a good sound beating and Aylen cowers, bruised and bleeding, in a corner.

New plan & Transitional Event #6: Aylen meets Syndra, an older fellow prisoner who has mistakenly dug her way into Aylen’s cell trying to escape. Syndra is well learned and Aylen makes a deal with her – educate her and she will help Syndra escape. She not only learns academics and the theory of magic, but also hand-to-hand and magical combat. The prison is warded to nullify magic, but Syndra still teaches her the motions.

Plan in action: During Aylen’s education, the two women are digging their tunnel to the outside wall, which takes years of scraping inches off dirt away each day. They are almost caught on a few occasions, but eventually dig their way free! However, the sea serpents living in the Draconian Sea surrounding the island are in the middle of mating season and have infested the waters. They must wait until their population has decreased before attempting an escape.

Midpoint Turning Point & Transformational Event #7: Their tunnel is discovered and they are confronted by the guards. Syndra takes this opportunity to allow Aylen to test her newfound skills in fighting and throws her “into the ring”. Lacking any form of entertainment, the guards allow the contest for sport. Aylen is finally able to get a little bit of retribution facing the guard who smacked her down when she first arrived and has been bullying her ever since. When Aylen wins, the two women fight and flee the other guards and, together, they’re able to escape.

At last Syndra is able to use magic now that they are no longer inside the ward of the fortress, but using magic triggers a magical booby trap planted inside her by the person who imprisoned her. Syndra is going to die.

Act 3:

Rethink everything: Syndra reveals the location of a great treasure she discovered, for which she was imprisoned. Syndra makes Aylen the sole heir to her estate and title before the magical trap claims her life.

New plan & Transitional Event #8: Aylen is off to the Lyceum of Magical Arts & Sciences in Havencrest to earn her degree in magic, as was Syndra’s last wish. Once she obtains her degree, she returns to her home city of Radario to catch up on what’s happened since she was imprisoned so she can discover her enemies weaknesses and lay down her traps.

New insights: Aylen discovers that the man who had Syndra imprisoned was the Baron of Elion…Kylantha’s father! Aylen’s revenge upon this family is not just for her, now. She will avenge Syndra as well as herself.

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – Although Syndra learns her final life’s lesson upon her deathbed – vengeance cannot change the past – and although she tries to pass this lesson on to Aylen, this new information about the baron only serves to fuel Aylen’s anger and quest for justice. She is going to destroy the von Abels for what they’ve done.

Act 4:

New Plan: Aylen learns what really happened in the conspiracy to put her in prison, why it happened, and exactly who was responsible, and it wasn’t just Key. But she also learns her mother died shortly after Aylen was arrested, Dillon only married Key because he thought Aylen was dead, and her uncle and aunt passed away sick and homeless. As Aylen ensnares each person who wronged her and those she loves, she reveals to them who she really is and justice is served.

Climax & Transitional Event #9: The last person she must face is Kylantha, but her friend has become a powerful mage herself and has had many years of practice, where Aylen has only had a few. The two duel and it appears Kylantha will win, but Aylen will pull upon her final lesson from Syndra (still need to refine this) and triumph over Kylantha. (There will be a single magical relic/item the baron was after from Syndra, and I want that item to be the key to Kylantha’s undoing, but I also want Aylen’s abilities to contribute to her victory. The personal lesson learned, which will give her the ability to triumph.)

Resolution: Aylen is reunited with Dillon and she takes her place as Aylen Ara’Elcaryn, the Sorceress of Amon Fae with him at her side and they set off to travel around the world and have a family of their own.

[Arial Burnz]

Subject: Arial Burnz’s 4-Act Transformational Structure

1. Give us the following:

• Concept: After a young woman is betrayed by her best friend, she is imprisoned and spends fifteen years escaping and developing her skills to become a powerful sorceress and seek vengeance.
• Main Conflict: Aylen’s best friend Kylantha (aka Key) wants Aylen out of the way so she can wed Dillon, and uses manipulation and her father’s connections to have Aylen thrown in prison for a crime she didn’t commit.
• Aylen’s Old Ways:
• ○ Old Identity: Poor tavern girl
• ○ Shy, meek doormat living in fear
• ○ Cannot wield magic and ignorant of the craft
• Aylen’s New Ways:
• ○ New Identity: Wealthy sorceress with a title
• ○ Strong independent woman
• ○ Becomes a powerful yet responsible wielder of magic

2. Fill in each of these with the answers you have right now.

Act 1:

Opening: Subjected to racial persecution (she’s a half-elf) and abuse growing up, Aylen lives under the emotional and physical protection of her friends and family, too afraid to defend or protect herself. Her hopes are to start a new life with her boyfriend, Dillon, and leave with him to travel the world.

Inciting Incident: Aylen is set up and betrayed by Key and arrested.

Turning Point: Aylen escapes before she can be taken to prison, but when she seeks shelter with Key, her best friend reveals she is the one who betrayed her and turns Aylen in to the authorities

Act 2:

Reaction: Aylen is sent to the Fortress of Valna – aka Anguish Island – and falls into despair. She learns this will be her home for the rest of her life and she will have no contact with anyone, including other cellmates.

New plan: Aylen meets Syndra, an older fellow prisoner who has mistakenly dug her way into Aylen’s cell trying to escape. Syndra is well educated and Aylen makes a deal with her – educate her and she will help Syndra escape.

Plan in action: While the two women dig their way out of the fortress, Aylen is learning to read, write, fight and practice magic – academically and in theory since the prison is warded to nullify magic. They are almost caught on one occasion, and even dig their way free, but the sea serpents living in the Draconian Sea surrounding the island are in the middle of mating season and have infested the waters. They must wait until their population has decreased before attempting an escape.

Midpoint Turning Point: Their escape plan is about to be revealed! They cannot wait for the serpent population to wane and must chance escaping through the field of creatures. Although Syndra is finally able to use magic – now that they are no longer inside the ward of the fortress – using magic triggers a magical booby trap planted inside her by the person who imprisoned her. Syndra is going to die.

Act 3:

Rethink everything: Syndra reveals the location of a great treasure she discovered, for which she was imprisoned. Syndra makes Aylen the sole heir to her estate and title before the magical trap claims her life.

New plan: Aylen is off to the Lyceum of Magical Arts & Sciences in Havencrest to earn her degree in magic, as was Syndra’s last wish. Once she obtains her degree, she returns to her home city of Radario to catch up on what’s happened since she was imprisoned so she can discover her enemies weaknesses and lay down her traps.

New insights: Aylen discovers that the man who had Syndra imprisoned was the Baron of Elion…Kylantha’s father! Aylen’s revenge upon this family is not just for her, now. She will avenge Syndra as well as herself.

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – Although Syndra learns her final life’s lesson upon her deathbed – vengeance cannot change the past – and although she tries to pass this lesson on to Aylen, this new information about the baron only serves to fuel Aylen’s anger and quest for justice. She is going to destroy the von Abels for what they’ve done and begins to put her plan for revenge into action.

Act 4:

New Plan: Aylen learns what really happened in the conspiracy to put her in prison, why it happened, and exactly who was responsible, and it wasn’t just Key. But she also learns her mother died shortly after Aylen was arrested, Dillon only married Key because he thought Aylen was dead, and her uncle and aunt passed away sick and homeless. As Aylen ensnares each person who wronged her, she reveals to them who she really is and justice is served.

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: The last person she must face is Kylantha, but she has become a powerful mage herself and has had many years of practice, where Aylen has only a few. The two duel and it appears Kylantha will win, but Aylen will pull upon her final lesson from Syndra (still need to refine this) and triumph over Kylantha. (I was hoping to include a single magical relic/item the baron was after from Syndra, and I want that item to be the key to Kylantha’s undoing, but I also want Aylen’s abilities to contribute to her victory. The personal lesson learned will somehow be connected to the use of the item, which will give her the ability to triumph.)

Resolution: Aylen is reunited with Dillon and she takes her place as Aylen Ara’Elcaryn, the Sorceress of Amon Fae, with him at her side and they set off to travel around the world and have a family of their own.

[Arial Burnz]

Subject: Arial Burnz’s Character Interviews

What
I learned doing this assignment is…how much I don’t know about this world! LOL This is taking a LOT longer than I thought it would. My characters are in a fantasy world, so I’m spending just as much time building the world as I am learning about the characters. As such, I’ll be continuing the learning process with my character interviews as the days go by, but I’ll include a short summary here so I can post my assignment.

Also, I noticed as I compare this work to the other novels I’ve written, the themes I seem to explore a lot in my stories are regrets, guilt, and especially how neither of those will change the past or make our sins go away.

Aylen Elcaryn – Protagonist

The new things I learned about her during this interview (outside of what was included in the previous notes on her profile) is she doesn’t know how to read and write. She draws pictures on a little parchment pad when she makes a note of something she needs to do or get (e.g., a crock of butter to remind her she needs to get butter). I learned how her father died and why her mother is sickly and why Aylen is her sole support. Her father was infected with Nether Moss, a deadly fungus that is highly contagious and spreads with the use of magic. Her mother contracted it when she was caring for him and only survived because she abstained from using magic. Aylen is going kicking and screaming into this life lesson, which is the reason she is the perfect person for this journey. She will only change if she is forced to, and that’s exactly what this life lesson will teach her. But she must also find a balance with the newfound powers she’ll be inheriting. Because of the repressed anger, she could easily tip in the other direction and get corrupted by the magic she’s going to gain. Her love interest and her new friend will need to bring her back down to earth and ground her or she’ll destroy those who betrayed her, but at the cost of her soul.

Kylantha “Key” von Abel – Antagonist

Key and Aylen are polar opposites in personality, but they are much more alike than I realized. Both are insecure. Both crave love and attention. But where Aylen lacks the confidence to reach out to take what she wants, Key has no problem doing so, and she usually does so by manipulation. She’s learned that if she wants something, she’s going to have to get it herself. Aylen resigns herself to accepting whatever bones the Fates throw her way. Key is a vampire, in a metaphorical sense. Hrmmm…an interesting turn of events. She might end up being cursed to become a vampire at the hands of Aylen and much to Aylen’s regret.

Syndra Ara’Daenora, the Sorceress of Amon Fae – Change Agent

Like Abbe Faria was in The Count of Monte Cristo, Syndra is fast becoming my favorite character…and I have to keep her a little bit in check. She is one of those larger-than-life entities that will steal the show if I don’t balance her properly, but I can see her being a role an actor would want to sink her teeth into. Syndra is old and wise and learned, but although she may not have a lot of growing to do in her character arc, she will learn a last valuable lesson upon her death, and one Aylen will need to learn before her story is over or it will be her doom – vengeance will not change the past.

[Arial Burnz]

Subject line: Arial Burnz’s Character Profile – Part 1 revised & Part 2

What I learned doing this assignment is…

Woot! Okay, this wonderful process is not only organized and feeds the OCD part of my left brain, it gives me the creative juices to feed my right brain. I’m super jazzed about the way these characters are getting flushed out and coming to life!

Aylen Elcaryn – Main Character

Part 1 – Refined

• Role in the story: Main character, a young woman in a small village who is a victim of racism. She is a half-elf in an elven region. As such, her family has been shunned and she was teased a lot as a child. This has caused her to put up with a lot of cruelty. Her mother is a pure-blood elf, but her father was human. Craving to be more accepted in this elven region, she is attracted to a pure-blood elven boy, Dillon, who comes from a wealthy family. He fancies her because of her sweetness and down-to-earth personality. She admires Dillon and his ambitions to travel the world and seek adventure, and she is happy to support him and his dreams. She’s also the sole support for her mother.
• Age Range and Description: Late teens at the beginning of the story, but she is imprisoned for 15 years, so matures and hardens in captivity, but also learns a LOT from her mentor. What she learns, however, serves as fuel for the fires of vengeance while she plots her revenge.
• Internal Journey: She transforms from being a weak, naïve woman living for others into an independent, confident woman who seizes her destiny, but also learns vengeance cannot fix the past.
• External Journey: She goes from being a sweet tavern girl into a rich and powerful sorceress.
• Motivation: Vengeance! Aylen realizes it was her lack of standing up for herself that got her into prison and learns the hard way how to stop being a doormat and make those who wronged her pay.
• Wound: She is betrayed by people she thought were her friends and who took advantage of her sweet nature.
• Mission/Agenda: To escape from prison and seek to ruin those who tried to ruin her.
• Secret: When Aylen emerges from prison and inherits her mentor’s magical treasure, she takes on a new identity. No one from her past recognizes her as Aylen, and like a spider she weaves a web to ensnare them in their own greed.
• What makes them special? Deep down, Aylen has a sweet and giving nature and although she sees it as her weakness, Dillon and Gwen help her realize it is her greatest treasure, especially in a world so full of deceit, greed and betrayal. Aylen also has magical gifts she has never been taught to use because her parents weren’t magical and couldn’t afford training.

Part 2 – Traits

What draws us to this character? Underdog – She is sweet, naïve, and is always thinking of others. Aylen is very empathetic because she is a product of the teasing and bullying she’s endured her whole childhood. She knows what it’s like to be in pain and doesn’t wish that upon anyone, but she’s also been intimidated to the point of meekness. Aylen doesn’t want to cause problems or make things worse for herself or her family, who have taken the approach that if you don’t cause trouble, no trouble will come to you. Unfortunately, that’s not reality.

• Traits: Shy, keeps to herself with strangers, but opens up to those she knows well.
• Subtext: Pretends she doesn’t hear people when they try to be confrontational, agrees with whatever the bully is saying so she can avoid confrontation, swallows her pride a LOT, avoids eye contact.
• Flaw: Her fear outweighs everything else
• Values: Peace, family, survival
• Irony: Although Aylen wants peace – almost at all costs – she has a ton of built-up anger, which she unleashes once she gains the power to do so. Her fears cause her to allow a lot of injustice to happen around her because she feels there’s nothing she can do about it, but she will turn the tables on those who have wronged her.
• What makes this the right character for this role? Aylen is complacent and willing to let others tell her what to do for the sake of peace and to avoid confrontation. This is taken to the extreme when her fear becomes the weapon her enemies wield against her. In order for her to hit rock bottom and finally defend herself, everything must be taken away from her. She has to want to defend herself more than she wants peace. Being nice and empathetic isn’t enough to keep the peace. Sometimes wars must be fought to defend the weak and persecuted, and she will finally gain the strength to wage her own war.

Kylantha “Key” Von Abel (Changed name) – Villain

Part 1 – Refined

• Role in the story: The one who betrays Aylen and puts her in prison.
• Age Range and Description: She is a pure-blood elf and daughter of a Baron. Like Aylen, she is in her late teens at the beginning of the story, but 15 years later – when Aylen escapes from prison to extract her revenge – she is starting to lose her foothold in the courts. She leads Aylen’s family and friends to believe Aylen was a victim of circumstance, which is what got her into prison. As such, they all grieve for Aylen’s plight together, and Key and Dillon find comfort in each other’s arms. With Aylen gone and presumed dead, Dillon gives in to his family’s pressure to marry Key. Key’s father was the Baron of Elion and upon his death, she inherited his wealth and title upon his death. In her selfish endeavors, she’s burned a few bridges and has whittled down her options, so she’s desperate by the time Aylen returns to seek revenge.
• Internal Journey: She goes from bad to worse. Money and power has corrupted her and the spoiled brat has grown into a manipulative woman who will stop at nothing to get her way.
• External Journey: She goes from being the daughter of a baron into a rich baroness who is a conniving member of the Elven Court of Radario.
• Motivation: Selfishness. She is a greedy monster who must always feed her desires.
• Wound: She didn’t get the attention she wanted from her father and her mother died when she was young, so she has a lot of mommy and daddy issues.
• Mission/Agenda: To find the next thing that will elevate her station and give her more.
• Secret: No one but her conspirators knows she is responsible for putting Aylen in prison.
• What makes them special? She is ruthless but also very charming, which she certainly uses to her advantage.

Part 2 – Traits

What draws us to this character? She seems very sincere on the surface, very charismatic. We even sympathize with her over the way her father treats her, which is buy her whatever she wants to shut her up, but doesn’t give the girl the affection she craves. She admires her father, but resents him at the same time. She encourages Aylen to be more like her (see traits) and we can see a softness to the girl when she’s around Aylen.

• Traits: Opposite of Aylen – flirtatious, outgoing, charming and talkative.
• Subtext: Kylantha is a bullshit artist. If she’s smiling, you can’t trust what she says. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree – her father is the same way and she’s learned how to use charm as a weapon from him.
• Flaw: Her needs always come before others’.
• Values: Selfishness, self-importance, being the center of attention.
• Irony: She despises Aylen’s weakness, but feels sorry enough for the half-elf girl to give her gifts. She pities Aylen, yet there is a friendship between the girls, and she is kind to Aylen as long as Kylantha doesn’t feel threatened by Aylen.
• What makes this the right character for this role? Despite her selfish nature, she is Aylen’s best friend and Aylen trusts her. Key does get something out of the relationship – Aylen not only makes Key feel important, but Aylen truly loves her and Aylen’s the only person from whom she receives genuine affection. But what Key wants always comes first, and Dillon will come between the girls, driving Kylantha to betray her friend to have him.

Syndra Ara’Daenora, the Sorceress of Amon Fae (changed her name) – Change Agent

I’m including Syndra in this assignment because she plays such a huge part in Aylen’s growth, and I’ve made a lot of changes since yesterday.

Part 1 – Refined

1. Role in the story: Aylen’s mentor and a full-blooded elf. She was imprisoned for her magical treasure, and when she is unable to escape the Fortress of Valna alive, she passes on her wealth to Aylen as her sole heir. During their time in prison, though, she teaches Aylen everything she knows about magic.
2. Age Range and Description: Syndra is in her mid-60s and has been in the Fortress of Valna for over 20 years.
3. Internal Journey: Syndra has held onto the dream of escaping prison and seeking vengeance upon the man who imprisoned her. She dies escaping the prison, but not before making Aylen her heir and passing on her final lesson that vengeance will not fix the past.
4. External Journey: She goes from trying to escape the prison to dying the day she escapes and is forced to surrender her quest. But Aylen picks up the baton for her.
5. Motivation: Freedom and revenge.
6. Wound: She was betrayed by the man she loved.
7. Mission/Agenda: To escape the prison and seek vengeance.
8. Secret: She knows the location to her wealth and a great magical treasure.
9. What makes them special? She has amassed a great wealth of knowledge during her years of seeking magic, and her worldliness and wisdom can be passed on to Aylen.

Part 2 – Traits

What draws us to this character? Her wisdom and passion for magic. She will empower our heroine with the tools she needs to claim justice, and together, they can even find justice for herself.

• Traits: She’s a passionate woman, very enthusiastic about knowledge and the art and science of magic. She’s surprisingly humble and very self-aware. She tells it like it is, so she can be brutally honest, with others and herself.
• Subtext: Syndra hides her meanings behind lessons. When she teaches, the lesson is always deeper than what appears to be on the surface. Some of the stories about lessons are her stories, but she passes them off as someone else’s.
• Flaw: Pride.
• Values: Magic. The fact that she has been unable to wield it for 35 years has been torture. Vengeance. Her legacy.
• Irony: After all those years in prison, when she finally escapes, she dies within a few days – long enough to feel the ecstasy of freedom, but unable to enjoy it. AND the ability to wield magic at last is the very thing that kills her.
• What makes this the right character for this role? Aylen is a young girl in dire circumstances and a woman with the knowledge Syndra has not only fulfills the role of surrogate mother, but is able to empower Aylen in ways her own mother never could. Syndra is just the remedy Aylen needs to grow into a strong and powerful woman and break free from the bonds of not only her physical prison, but the prison of her cowardice upbringing. Unfortunately, her pride is her undoing, and on her deathbed, she is able to pass this final lesson on to Aylen.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by  Arial Burnz.

[Arial Burnz]

What I learned doing this assignment is…the freedom of letting go of old ideas and embracing new ones. I love the simplicity of the tools and examples, which help me focus.

This story is based on Alexandre Dumas’s novel “The Count of Monte Cristo” – set in a fantasy world, I have flipped the genders of most of the characters and the treasure the main character gains also has magic, therefore the working title is “The Sorceress of Monte Cristo“.

Pick the type of role your Protagonist will play and give us a few sentences on how they will fulfill that role.

Victim: Aylen is a very sweet half-elf girl, but a bit of a doormat. She doesn’t really stick up for herself, not interested in making a name for herself, and is just content with status quo. Her mother, who is a full-blooded elf, taught her to lay low and not cause trouble. Elves are the minority in this part of the world. Aylen has a human boyfriend, Dillon, whom she’s loved since childhood and lives vicariously through him. He wants to see the world and the two of them are saving up their money to leave their small village and explore. But Aylen lacks the courage to be her own person and she primarily lives for others – either in a supporting fashion or as a servant.

Pick the type of role your Antagonist will play and give us a few sentences on how they will fulfill that role.

Villain: Sidero – name means “evil nymph” – Aylen’s human friend since they were children. Aylen’s mother used to be Sidero’s mother’s personal attendant, so the girls knew each other growing up. Sidero is the daughter of a Lord, a bit of a spoiled brat who is used to getting her way, and she has her eyes on Dillon, Aylen’s boyfriend.

Change Agent: Shaton – means “Swordsman, Knife, Single Edged Knife, Teacher”. This woman becomes Aylen’s mentor – an older woman and Aylen’s cell mate in prison who takes Aylen under her wing to be her teacher and friend. It is Shaton who will give Aylen not only the ability to be an independent person, but gift her the location of a treasure, which will contain a magical relic that will give Aylen great power.

What other characters might be necessary?

Supporting characters:

• Dillon – Aylen’s love interest. Childhood friends who grew to love each other and they are separated when Aylen goes to prison. He’s a Luke Skywalker personality, always looking for adventure and excitement.
• Gwendolyn “Gwen” – When Aylen escapes prison, she will rescue Gwen, which will cause Gwen to swear a life oath to serve Aylen until her debt is paid. Gwen will help Aylen learn the final lesson of compassion and gratitude.

Minor roles – There are people who help Sidero betray Aylen and put her in prison, and there are some who rally to her cause, although they are unsuccessful. Don’t have their names yet, but…

• Co-worker – This person is a bit of a bully and takes a lot of her frustrations out on Aylen. As far as she’s concerned, Aylen is a waste of space and Dillon is wasting his time with her.
• Prosecutor – Sidero has a little dirt on this person and uses it to leverage the man’s position to get Aylen imprisoned.
• Aylen’s employer – The tavern owner where Aylen works. He sees the potential in Aylen, and he’s somewhat of a surrogate father to her since her own father died years before.
• Aylen’s mother – A sickly woman who relies on Aylen for support.

Pick your genre: Drama

Fill in whatever answers come to you about your lead character profiles.

Aylen Elcaryn – Main Character

• Role in the story: A young half-elf woman in a small village who doesn’t realize how big or cruel the world can be. She admires her boyfriend and his ambitions and is happy to support him and his dreams. She’s also the sole support for her mother.
• Age Range and Description: Late teens at the beginning of the story, but she is imprisoned for 15 years, so matures and hardens in prison, but also learns a LOT from her mentor. But what she learns serves as fuel for the fires of vengeance while she plots her revenge.
• Internal Journey: (tweaked from yesterday) She transforms from being weak, naïve woman living for others into a independent, confident woman who seizes her destiny, but also learns vengeance cannot fix the past.
• External Journey: She goes from being a sweet tavern girl into a rich and powerful sorceress.
• Motivation: Vengeance! Aylen realizes it was her lack of standing up for herself that got her into prison and learns the hard way how to stop being a doormat and make those who wronged her pay.
• Wound: She is betrayed by people she thought were her friends and who took advantage of her sweet nature.
• Mission/Agenda: To escape from prison and seek to ruin those who tried to ruin her.
• Secret: When Aylen emerges from prison and finds her mentor’s magical treasure, she takes on a new identity. No one from her past recognizes her, and like a spider she weaves a web to ensnare them in their own greed.
• What makes them special? Deep down, Aylen has a sweet and giving nature and although she sees it as her weakness, Dillon and Gwen help her realize it is her greatest treasure, especially in a world so full of deceit, greed and betrayal. She is a shining light. She just needs to see it in herself.

Sidero “Sid” Von Abel – Villain

• Role in the story: Main antagonist and the one who betrays Aylen.
• Age Range and Description: Like Aylen, she is in her late teens at the beginning of the story, but 15 years later – when Aylen escapes from prison to extract her revenge – she is starting to lose her foothold in the courts. In her selfish endeavors, she’s burned a few bridges and has whittled down her options. She leads Aylen’s family and friends to believe Aylen was a victim of circumstance. As such, they all grieve for Aylen’s plight together, and Sidero lures Dillon into the “safety” of comforting each other and tjeu eventually marry since Dillon believes Aylen to be dead.
• Internal Journey: She goes from bad to worse. Money and power have corrupted her and the spoiled brat has grown into a manipulative woman who will stop at nothing to get her way.
• External Journey: She goes from being the daughter of a lord into a rich and conniving member of court.
• Motivation: Selfishness. She is a greedy monster who must always feed her desires.
• Wound: She didn’t get the attention she wanted from her father and her mother died when she was young, so she has a lot of mommy and daddy issues.
• Mission/Agenda: To find the next thing that will elevate her station and give her more.
• Secret: No one but her conspirators know she is responsible for putting Aylen in prison.
• What makes them special? She is ruthless and also very charming, which she certainly uses to her advantage.

Shaton Ensatra – Change Agent

• Role in the story: Aylen’s mentor and a full-blooded elf. She was imprisoned for knowing the location of a magical treasure and is a very learned woman of both general knowledge and magic. The prison she’s in has magical wards to prevent anyone from using magic. Once a very ambitious woman obsessed with learning sorcery, that quest almost led to her demise and she was rescued and nursed back to health by a human male, with whom she fell in love. He taught her humility and helped her release her hatred of humans. Although she never lost her passion for magic, her husband taught her to use it more productively. Together, they sought a fabled magical treasure, but the quest to find this treasure killed her husband and got her imprisoned.
• Age Range and Description: Shaton is in her middle 60s and she has been in her prison for over 30 years.
• Internal Journey: Shaton has held onto the dream of escaping prison, finding the treasure and seeking vengeance upon those who killed her husband, but the years in the prison have taught her humility and patience. Eventually, she gives up on her personal quest and gives the map to the treasure to Aylen, who will succeed her.
• External Journey: She goes from trying to escape the prison to accepting that her fate is to die in the prison.
• Motivation: Freedom.
• Wound: The death of her parents and her husband and the helplessness she experienced in each situation.
• Mission/Agenda: To escape the prison.
• Secret: She knows the location to a great magical treasure.
• What makes them special? She has amassed a great wealth of knowledge during her years of seeking magic, and her worldliness can be passed on to Aylen. Age and experience has made her very wise.

[Arial Burnz]

Arial Burnz – I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Arial Burnz]

What I learned doing this assignment is…how simple the process can be. Writing novels, I already knew a lot of this stuff. Save the Cat teaches it, which is one of my favorite ways to work out story, for screenplays OR novels. What’s nice about this approach is I can see it will create a very quick and direct method to nail down a story quickly so I can start writing fast.

My main character‘s name is Aylen and she is a half-elf who is betrayed by her wealthy friend and co-worker. This story is set in a fantasy world similar to the time period of the Renaissance in Europe.

• Internal Journey: She transforms from being weak, withdrawn and self-centered into a strong, confident woman who learns vengeance cannot fix the past.
• External Journey: She goes from being a trusting, naïve pauper into a rich and powerful sorceress.

Aylen’s Old Ways

• Doesn’t stick up for herself when bullied
• Doesn’t see the people around her are using her
• Has a very why-me worldview
• Has a victim mentality

Aylen’s New Ways

• Doesn’t let anyone push her around anymore
• Recognizes bullshit a mile away
• Takes responsibility for where she is in life and refuses to let the past control her or hold her back
• Although she gains the power to destroy those who tried to destroy her, she opts for justice in the hands of the authorities and feels compassion for those who wronged her.

[Arial Burnz]

Hello!

My pen name is Arial Burnz and I’m an author of over twelve novels. Although I didn’t write my first script until just three years ago, I’ve been a writer since I could pick up a crayon and tell stories with pictures. I’ve written three scripts – two short films based on my own short stories, and a one-hour TV pilot.

This course was recommended to me by a fellow screenwriter when I asked, “What’s a good online class that will teach me the basics about screenwriting format so I can be sure I have that nailed?” I’ve read a ton of books, but I wanted to be able to interact with someone when I had questions. So here I am.

Also, I have an idea for a feature film that I hope I can knock out in this class and have a finished script by the end of the 30-day course. Looking forward to that and to interacting with all of you!

As for what’s unique, special, strange or unusual about me? A LOT, but I guess I gotta pick one. I’m a US Air Force veteran and I served during Desert Storm. Spent 6 months in Turkey and was deployed the day before Desert Shield began and came home after I volunteered to help clean up during Operation Provide Comfort. While in the military, I lived in Germany for 3.5 years and England for 2.5 years, and boy do I miss Europe!

Fun Fact: My dad was a screenwriter and an actor and you might have seen him! He’s been in the following movies: Raging Bull, Stripes, The Enforcer (Dirty Harry movie), an episode of Charlie’s Angels titled “Bullseye” (yeah, the show in the 70s), and he was almost a regular on Hill Street Blues.

Looking forward to the class and the end of the month! Cheers!

[Arial Burnz]

Thanks, Daniel!!

[Arial Burnz]

Love a good ghost story!! My TV Pilot is a ghost story, too, so I can relate!

Great to meet you!

Arial

[Arial Burnz]

Hi, Marian!!

Ich spreche ein bisschen Deutsch. Ich liebe Deutschland und habe dort dreieinhalb Jahre gelebt, als ich bei der US Air Force in Frankfurt stationiert war.

I wish I spoke and read fluently, but I don’t. However, I would still love to read your script and give it a try!

Great to meet you! Best,

Arial

[Arial Burnz]

Robert, I’m not seeing your assignment post, so I’m assuming you were not able to get the assignment. You don’t have to receive the emails. Just visit the course here…

https://www.screenwritingclasses.com/courses/how-to-get-paid-writing-assignments/

All of the assignments are at the end of each lesson.

How To Get Paid Writing Assignments

[Arial Burnz]

Welcome! Congrats on your completed projects and your degrees! I’m from Chicago, so I immediately thought of the iconic lions out in front of the building! I hope you enjoy the class.

Happy writing!

Arial 😀

[Arial Burnz]

SWEET! I spent a LOT of time on Inkarnate.com today, refining my map I started for this fantasy world I’m calling Evanterra. If you create maps for anything, this is totally an affordable option at $5 a month!

I have several stories set in Evanterra, but the one for this screenplay is the first I’m flushing out with great satisfaction.

Happy writing!

[Arial Burnz]

US Air Force. I served from 1987 – 1991 and was a dependent spouse in England and Germany until 1995 before I came back to the states. I mentioned my service because it was one of the interesting facts about myself. 🙂

[Arial Burnz]

Hi, Rob!!

Welcome to the class! I can say I am thoroughly enjoying it so far, too. Looking forward to seeing your story and watching it progress with everyone else.

Happy writing!

Arial 😀

[Arial Burnz]

Excellent! I’ve self-published over a dozen novels, so if you have ANY questions, do not hesitate to send me a message.

See ya around!

[Arial Burnz]

How exciting, Kathleen!! Good luck with your state project!

And if you’re interested in time management techniques, I HIGHLY recommend you read Seven Habits for Highly Effective People. That is…if you were serious about your time management statement. Maybe you were just nodding to the timing of your assignment hand-in. LOL

Looking forward to interacting with everyone.

[Arial Burnz]

Hi, Natalia! Based on your comments about your short attention span, I think you are definitely in the “write” place. Being a novelist and turning to screenplays, writing short is most certainly in the world of screenwriting. There’s so much you CAN’T write in a screenplay, it’s sure to keep you interested and on your toes! Good luck with the class!

Happy writing!

Arial 😀

[Arial Burnz]

Hi, Harley! Yes! I second the motion of getting back to normal. ONE day we will, I’m sure. This is not the first pandemic the world has experienced, so I have faith! Have fun with the class.

Happy writing!

Arial 😀

[Arial Burnz]

Hello, Keri! We have similar backgrounds and I feel the same way you do – moving around a lot gives you a lot of different experiences. Good fodder for writing! LOL about the white windowless van with 5th graders.

Happy writing!

Arial 😀

[Arial Burnz]

Hi, Christopher!

I like your unique trait! It reminds me of a t-shirt I bought: “I’m a Screenwriter. What’s your superpower?” Enjoy the class!

Happy writing!

Arial 😀

[Arial Burnz]

Hi, Bob! From one veteran to another, thank you for your service! I’m sure we can all relate to finishing something we write to our satisfaction, but I hope this class helps you feel better about the end result. Don’t be too hard on yourself, though. 😉

Happy writing!

Arial 😀

[Arial Burnz]

Wow! Growing your own coffee beans! If you have the chance to drink a cup of coffee from your very own beans, you must share it here in the forums. What a fun project!

Happy writing!

Arial 😀

[Arial Burnz]

Hi, Julie! You said you were working on a novel for a couple of years. Did you have it published (traditionally or self-published)? Just curious. 🙂

Happy writing!

Arial 😀