Gregg Guest
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Gregg’s Outline v1
Took me a while, but finally got it done! It’s fun to see everyone’s full stories coming together!
Title: “Char”
Logline: When a corrupt developer’s new building goes up in flames, the employees must work together to survive a relentless fire creature hell bent on revenge.
1 EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING – NIGHT
Fire rages through an apartment building. The Fire Department arrives, but it’s not going to be an easy one to fight and there are still people in the building.
2 INT. APARTMENT BUILDING – NIGHT
The fire chief rushes in to save them, but he gets trapped by falling debris, the result of shoddy construction. He has to watch the residents perish, while he himself burns to death slowly, and is engulfed in a ball of flames.
Horror Situation: The fire is raging and a family is trapped
SUSPENSE: Will the Fire Chief get to them?
RELEASE: He makes it past the flames to where the family is trapped
SURPRISE: The ceiling collapses on him
PANIC: He’s trying to escape being pinned so he can save the family
ANGUISH: He watches the family perish
HORROR: He burns to death3 INT. OFFICE BUILDING – DAY
Some years later, another brand new building is seeing its first occupants, as the CEO of Haven Development welcomes his staff to their new office. The building isn’t even fully done yet, in fact their floor is the only one that is occupied. But nevertheless, several of the key employees are there, including the Senior VP, the Marketing Director and the CEO’s Assistant. Also in attendance for the walk through are the Architect of the building and the Contractor responsible for construction.
4 INT. OFFICES – DAY
As the architect inspects the building, he notices some things that are not up to his standards, and points them out. But the Contractor dismisses his concerns and the Marketing Director puts her usual positive spin on things.
5 INT. ELEVATOR LOBBY – DAY
When they try to leave, they find the elevator is not working. A Security Guard who is making his rounds tells them that a mechanic is working on it.
6 INT. STAIRWELL – DAY
When they try to access the stairwell, the door appears to be fused or painted shut and won’t open. The Security Guard suggests they wait in the office while he goes to check on the mechanic.
Horror Situation: They are now trapped in the office.
SURPRISE: The elevator doesn’t work
SUSPENSE: The stairway door won’t open
APPREHENSION: They don’t want to go back to the office7 INT. MACHINE ROOM – DAY
The Security Guard goes to the machine room, where he discovers that the mechanic has been charred to death and the control board and communications panels have been fried.
Horror Situation: The Security Guard finds the mechanic dead
APPREHENSION: He smells smoke outside the machine room
HORROR: The mechanic has been electrocuted and burned
FEAR: He sees smoke
DREAD: He has to tell the others about the death8 INT. OFFICE – DAY
He hurries back to the others to tell them about the mechanic.
9 INT. MACHINE ROOM – DAY
The group goes to see what happened to the mechanic and they are shocked by what they see.
Horror Situation: The group goes to look at the dead mechanic
DREAD: They are nervous about what they are about to see
SURPRISE: The door knob could be hot
RELEASE: It’s not hot
APPREHENSION: They slowly open the door
HORROR: The mechanic is burned to a crisp
FEAR: There could still be danger10 INT. STAIRWELL – DAY
A Janitor helps them get the stairway door open. They begin to descend, but there are flames below that block their way.
Horror Situation: They try to escape down the stairs, but run into the fire
SUSPENSE: They slowly descend
FEAR: Smoke fills the stairway
SURPRISE: The fire erupts out of nowhere filling the staircase and blocking their way
PANIC: They retreat11 INT. HALLWAY – DAY
They retreat and try another stairwell, but discover it is unfinished and impassable.
Horror Situation: They try to escape down another stairwell, but it is impassable
HYSTERIA: Several of them freak out about the fire
FEAR: They descend the stairs scared they will encounter the fire
SHOCK: They find the staircase is unfinished and impassable.
DREAD: They don’t want to go back up12 INT. ELEVATOR – DAY
The Janitor thinks he can access the elevator override, so he pries open the elevator doors and gets to work inside it.
13 INT. HALLWAY – DAY
The Contractor tells them there is a viaduct that can take them to the other side of the building, where the rear stairwell is. No one else is willing to crawl into the viaduct, so the Contractor goes alone.
14 INT. DUCT – DAY
The Contractor crawls through the viaduct but becomes stuck. A swarm of cockroaches scurry by. Smoke begins to surround him from behind, and flames crawl up his legs. He writhes in pain, trying to pat the fire out and get loose, but he can’t. Right before the fire engulfs him, he sees a face in the flames.
Horror Situation: He crawls through a claustrophobic air duct, gets trapped and burns to death.
APPREHENSION: Crawling through a tight space
SUSPENSE: What’s ahead in the darkness?
CREEPY MOMENT: Cockroaches scurry by
RELEASE: He continues on
FEAR: Trapped and engulfed in smoke and flames
MONSTER REVEAL: The fire has a face
HORROR: He is burned to death from the legs up15 INT. OFFICE – DAY
Back in the office, the others hear a scream. The duct collapses and the Contractor’s charred body falls to the ground, but there is no sign of the fire.
Horror Situation: The other witness the contractor’s dead body
SURPRISE: The body falls from the air duct
HORROR: The body is charred beyond belief
APPREHENSION: There is no apparent imminent fire
PANIC: They flee16 INT. ELEVATOR – DAY
They flee for the elevator and the Janitor now has it working, so they get in and try to go down. But the fire burns through the cable, and causes the elevator to drop suddenly and stop abruptly between floors.
Horror Situation: The elevator cable breaks and the elevator plummets
APPREHENSION: They are nervous to get in the elevator
SURPRISE: The cable snaps and the elevator falls
RELEASE: The car stops abruptly17 Smoke starts to fill the car. The Janitor tries to pry open the doors, but he has trouble. The SVP thinks she has a better idea to escape through the hatch, but when she opens it, the fire bursts through the hole with human-like arms, pulls her from the car and envelops her.
Horror Situation: Smoke fills the elevator, they try to escape but the fire creature grabs the SVP.
PANIC: Smoke starts filling the elevator car
SUSPENSE: They try to pry the doors open
HYSTERIA: THe SVP Decides to climb out the top hatch
SURPRISE: The fire erupts through the hatch into the elevator
RELEASE: They open the doors and climb out mid floor
MONSTER REVEAL: The fire creature reaches into the elevator and pulls the SVP up through the hatch
HORROR: She screams in pain as she burns to death18 INT. ELEVATOR LOBBY – DAY
The Janitor gets the doors open and they all climb out onto an unfinished floor of the building. The fire erupts into the hallway and they scatter for safety, separated by the flames.
Horror Situation: The fire follows them into the hall from the elevator
SHOCK: The fire comes at them from the elevator
PANIC: They scatter in different directions to get away19 INT. UNFINISHED HALLWAY – DAY
The Architect tries to escape down a hallway, but without being finished, it quickly becomes a maze of corridors. At every turn, there is fire at the end of the corridor. He frantically runs back and forth trying to find an exit, when he comes to a dead end. He turns around to backtrack, but the fire has him cornered. It takes human form and hugs him to death in flames.
Horror Situation: Lost: He’s trying to find his way out of the maze but is stopped at every turn.
PANIC: He runs back and forth down the hallways
SUSPENSE: Will the next turn free him?
FEAR: He comes to a dead end
HYSTERIA: He freaks out as fire approaches, scraping at the walls
ANGUISH: He is hugged by the flaming creature and burned to death20 INT. CORRIDOR – DAY
Meanwhile the CEO is trying to lead the rest of them to safety, but the fire erupts in a hallway. The Marketing Director is cut off from the rest. She grabs a fire hose and the fire monster pulls back, but the hose doesn’t work. The creature laughs and attacks her, grabbing the hose and strangling her with it (so she can’t even scream). She is then engulfed in flames and burned to death.
Horror Situation: The Marketing Director is strangled and burned to death
SURPRISE: Fire erupts in the hallway
RELEASE: She finds the fire hose
SUSPENSE: Will the hose push the fire monster back? No!
MONSTER REVEAL: The fire monster laughs
SHOCK: The fire monster grabs the hose and wraps it around her
PANIC: She tries to scream but can’t
HORROR: She is engulfed in flames and burned to death21 INT. UNFINISHED OFFICE – DAY
The others take refuge in an empty, unfinished office, where they argue about the fire and it’s strange behavior. The Assistant admits that she knows the shortcuts her boss takes. The Janitor supports her and the Security Guard is outraged. “If you took shortcuts in this building, then these deaths are on you.” They leave him in the office, slamming the door behind them on the way out.
22 INT. UNFINISHED OFFICE – DAY
The door gets stuck, and the CEO can’t get out. Smoke starts to fill the office. The fire monster tries to come through the door, but it can’t get through, so it smashes through a glass window to get at him. Wounded and scared, he falls on the floor, and the fire begins to engulf him. But he crawls away into a closet and slams the door. The fire engulfs the wall and door and he screams within.
Horror Situation: The fire monster smashes into the office and tries to kill the CEO
PANIC: The door won’t open
DREAD: Smoke starts filling the office
SURPRISE: The monster smashes through the glass
FEAR: He’s wounded and scared on the ground as the fire engulfs him
RELEASE: He crawls into a closet and slams the door.
HYSTERIA: He screams wildly as the fire covers the door
REVEAL: The fire door stops the fire23 INT. UNFINISHED CORRIDOR – DAY
The Security Guard leads the others through the unfinished corridors, looking for a way out, when the fire erupts from an empty office. He grabs a fire extinguisher and tries to fend it off while the Assistant and Janitor escape. But it runs out and the fire creature overtakes him. As it slowly burns him to death, he pulls out his pistol and shoots himself in the head to escape the pain.
Horror Situation: The Security Guard dies protecting the others
PANIC: Trying to put out fire
MONSTER REVEAL: The fire extinguisher can’t kill it
PAIN: He is burning to death
ANGUISH – They watch him burnHORROR: He shoots himself in the head
HYSTERIA – The Assistant freaks out.24 INT. MACHINE ROOM – DAY
The Assistant and Janitor duck into a machine room to take refuge. They try to come up with a plan to extinguish the fire creature. But water and fire extinguishers won’t work. The fire comes through large air ducts into the room and quickly surrounds them. They embrace each other in the impending doom.
Horror Situation: The fire surrounds them
SHOCK: The fire comes through the air ducts into the room
RELEASE: They embrace each other and prepare to die25 INT. OFFICE – DAY
The CEO bursts through the flames wrapped in fire retardant insulation. His flesh is charred but he is still alive. He gives them the insulation and tells them to run. The fire creature grabs him and throws him through the glass window to his death. The air rushes into the room and the fire swells.
Horror Situation: The CEO saves them but then is killer
SURPRISE: The CEO is burned horribly but still alive!
SHOCK: The fire creature grabs him
ANGUISH: Their savior is thrown out the window
DREAD: The fire swells
MONSTER REVEAL: The fire monster is affected by oxygen and wind26 INT. HALLWAY – DAY
The Janitor and Assistant make it out into the hallway and close the fire proof door. The Janitor realizes the fire needs oxygen, and he can reverse the HVAC machine to suck all the air out of the room, but he’ll have to go back in. And he’ll need the Assistant to distract the fire.
27 INT. OFFICE – DAY
They wrap themselves in insulation and he grabs a fire extinguisher and they rush into the room. He blasts the fire creature with the extinguisher which slows it enough for the Assistant to run into the room and distract it.
Horror situation: They take on the fire creature
APPREHENSION: They must go back into the burning room
SUSPENSE: Can they distract the creature?
RELEASE: The Janitor makes it to the HVAC unit28 INT. HVAC CLOSET – DAY
The Janitor begins work on the HVAC machine.
29 INT. OFFICE – DAY
The fire closes in on the Assistant backing her up towards the wall. Just as it’s about to close in on her the Janitor reverses the HVAC unit and the creature is sucked back into the air vents.
Horror Situation: The fire closes in on the Assistant.
FEAR: The fire pushes her towards the wall.
PANIC: She is up against the wall and trapped
SURPRISE: The HVAC Unit engagesRELEASE: The fire monster is sucked into the air vents
He embraces the Assistant. It’s over. But as they hug, smoke starts spewing from every vent in the room and the air ducts start shaking violently. All at once the fire explodes from every vent, and a hundred fiery tendrils reach out and grab the Janitor. He is pulled away from the Assistant, and the fire slowly burns him to death as she watches.
Horror Situation: The fire creature is not gone and attacks again
SURPRISE: The fire explodes into the room from every opening!
MONSTER REVEAL: Fiery tendrils grab the Janitor
PANIC: The assistant tries to hold onto himFEAR: He is pulled away by the fire creature
HORROR: He is burned to death
ANGUISH: She watches as he dies30 INT. CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
With the Janitor gone, the fire creature turns on the Assistant, forcing her into the conference room and toward the window. She climbs out on the ledge to get away, 50 stories up. The fire follows. It looks her in the face, she thinks she’s about to die and so she jumps from the ledge. But the fire creature has its arm around her and keeps her from falling. It gives her a sympathetic look and then the creature dives off the ledge taking all of the fire with it. It evaporates into smoke and disappears in the air. The assistant crouches, crying, on the window ledge.
Horror Situation: The fire closes in on the Assistant
SHOCK: Having just watched the Janitor die, she is in shock
FEAR: The fire creature chases her into the conference room
PANIC: She climbs out on the window ledge
DREAD: She is about to jump to her death
SURPRISE: The monster grabs her
MONSTER REVEAL: The monster is sympathetic and lets her go
RELEASE: The fire monster disappears into thin air31 EXT. BUILDING – DAY
The Assistant is in an ambulance being tended to. The Fire Marshal talks to her about the fire and tells her that it looks like it was due to shoddy construction. She tries to tell him about the creature, but he dismisses it as trauma. He tells her it happens. A similar thing happened some years ago, at another building that took shortcuts – and their fire chief was killed.
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This lesson I learned that crafting out a sequence of emotional horrors can really help drive the dynamics of a scene.
Horror Situation: Lost: He’s trying to find his way out of the maze but is stopped at every turn.
Arc: Panic to Anguish
Emotions: Suspense, Fear, Hysteria
Sequence: Panic, Suspense, Fear, Hysteria, Anguish
Panic: He runs back and forth down the hallways
Suspense: Will the next turn free him?
Fear: He comes to a dead end
Hysteria: He freaks out as fire approaches, scraping at the walls
Anguish: He is hugged by the flaming creature and burned to deathINT. UNFINISHED HALLWAY – DAY
Julian rounds the corner, racing down an unfinished hallway to get further away from the fire. Looking back over his shoulder.
The hallway walls are unfinished, a mix of metal framing, particle board and insulation.
As Julian gets further down it, the construction becomes more sparse, just an endless grid of metal framework that all looks the same.
JULIAN
(yells)
Hello? Is anyone in here? Carina? Osmond? Hello??Julian surveys the site for signs of a passage. Smoke begins to waft into the area. He hurries off through what looks like it might be a doorway.
INT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
Smoke billows across the floor as Julian makes his way through a maze of construction. He turns left, but runs into a barrier. He goes to the right, but metal armature blocks his way.
The smoke intensifies. Julian starts moving faster, but seems to be going in circles. Just when he thinks he’s found a way out, he turns around and everything looks the same.
Julian is now running through the construction, trying to find a way out. The smoke seems to be following him. He accelerates, but runs smack into a metal post and falls to the ground. Smoke envelops him.
JULIAN
(yells)
Anyone?! Help!He jumps to his feet, coughing, and sprint off through an opening in the maze of metal beams and columns.
INT. HALLWAY – DAY
Julian rounds a corner, and smiles as he appears to have found a hallway, but it’s filling fast with smoke. He races down the hall, but as he breaks through a cloud of smoke, he runs into a wall. It’s a dead end.
He spins to both sides looking for a way out, but there is none except back from where he came. He turns around to retreat, but flames rise up at the other end of the hallway. The smoke recedes to reveal a fiery figure moving towards him.
JULIAN
Holy shit.
He can’t believe what he sees. The fiery figure has a face. With a devlish smile.
JULIAN
(yells)
Help! Someone help me!But no one is there. He’s cornered. The fiery figure moves down the hall toward him.
Julian spins around and starts banging on the wall, a futile attempt to bust through it.
The fire creature is getting closer. Julian is hysterical now, clawing at the wall with his fingers until they are bloodied. But it’s no use. The monster is upon him.
He turns around to face his fate. The fire creature grins as it extends two fiery limbs, which slowly wrap around Julian. He SCREAMS.
JULIAN
(screaming)
Ahhhhhhh!The fire creature pulls Julian in, as if to hug him, then with a flash the flames erupt and engulf him, his body burning to a crisp and falling apart in ashes.
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I’m learning it’s hard to sustain the scares and creepy moments – and releases are challenging to create and have them be realistic when there is panic occurring.
INT. HALLWAY – DAY
While Stan works on the elevator the others gather nervously in the hallway. Dmitri paces back and forth.
DMITRI
This is not good.JULIAN
Everyone knows you’re not supposed to use an elevator during a fire.CARINA
The stairs are out of play.KEELAN
I’ll be back.He heads off down the hallway.
Izumi fiddles with her smart phone, shakes her head.
IZUMI
Still no signal.DMITRI
We are like standing ducks here.JULIAN
I think you mean sitting.DMITRI
You sit. I’m going to get out of here.He hands Julian the flashlight, then slides a chair into the middle of the hallway and climbs up on it.
CARINA
What are you doing?Dmitri unscrews a panel on the ceiling.
DMITRI
The air duct leads across the building. To the other staircase.JULIAN
You’re crazy.DMITRI
Not crazy enough to wait here for fire to come. Follow me.
The others just stare at him, no one moves.
DMITRI
Very well. I go alone.He pulls the panel off the air duct, hands it to Julian and smiles at the group.
DMITRI
Wish me luck.He sticks his head up into the duct. The others watch anxiously.
Dmitri SCREAMS.
CARINA
Dimitri!His legs flail and then go limp.
IZUMI
Help him!
Julian moves to help, but Dmitri drops down from the duct onto the chair, laughing.
DMITRI
Got you!CARINA
Bastard.
JULIAN
Not funny.
DMITRI
I need hand getting up.He motions to Julian to give him a boost. Julian huffs, but grabs Dmitri’s legs and helps lift him up into the duct.
DMITRI
(from within duct)
Give me flashlight.Carina hands him the small flashlight.
DMITRI
Okay, everything okay.Julian sits on the chair. Carina squeezes onto the edge. Izumi leans against the wall.
INT. AIR DUCT – DAY
The air duct is dark. Dmitri turns on the light, illuminating the tunnel.
He begins to shimmy through the passageway, twisting his body to squeeze through the seams.
With each slides forward, the light illuminates a little more of the tunnel. But darkness persists beyond the flashlight’s range.
He moves forward, using the walls of the duct as leverage to pull himself through the tight space.
DMITRI
(to self)
Time for diet again.He shines the light ahead to reveal an intersection. As he begins moving towards it, a scratching noise can be heard growing louder from around the corner.
Dmitri illuminates the passage. Suddenly, a swarm of cockroaches races into the intersection. They hurry by, as if running away from something.
A few of them peel off and come at Dmitri, but he manages to wave them off and they follow the others, disappearing down the darkened tunnel.
Dmitri lets out a deep breath, then continues in the direction they came from.
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This lesson again shows that if you plan out the horror emotions beforehand, it becomes easier to write the scenes since you have an emotional map you can follow.
INT. CORRIDOR – DAY
Keelan, Stan and Izumi hurry down an unfinished corridor, past exposed sheetrock and metal framing. A layer of smoke wafts at their feet. Keelan carries a fire extinguisher.
KEELAN
That architect said there was another stairwell on the other side of the building.Stan surveys the hallway.
STAN
How can you tell where we are?They come to an intersection, and Keelan stops.
KEELAN
I can’t. But it feels like it should be this way.He leads the others to the right.
KEELAN
Stay close together…I think we’re almost there.They make their way down a long hallway with several framed open doorways. The smoke is thicker.
About halfway down the corridor, FLAMES explode from one of the doorways, then another.
Izumi SCREAMS. Stan grabs her hand as Keelan moves in front of them both.
The flames swirl and combine as a humanoid form takes shape at the center of the maelstrom. A fiery face takes shape, its flaming visage contorting into a sinister grin.
KEELAN
Go back! The other way!Stan ushers Izumi back down the hallway. Keelan grabs the fire extinguisher hose and pulls the pin from the handle as the fire creature moves toward him.
KEELAN
Let’s see how you like this!He squeezes the extinguisher and white foam shoots from the nozzle, enveloping the creature.
KEELAN
Ha! Take that!The flaming figure is pushed back and begins to lose its form.
Keelan moves forward spreading the white spray over the fire. He seems to be getting the better of it, as the flames begin to shrink away.
But just when it feels like he might be able to squelch the flams, the white foam sputters, then ceases. The extinguisher is empty.
Stan and Izumi halt at the other end of the hallway.
STAN
Get out of there!Keelan shakes the extinguisher, trying to get some more out of it. But the fire flares up, and the flaming figure reforms and moves towards Keelan.
He squeezes the extinguisher’s lever repeatedly, then gives up, throwing it at the flames and turning to run.
But the creature is upon him, its fiery tendrils reaching out to grab his legs.
Keelan falls to the ground, and the flames pull him back down the hallway.
Stan lets go of Izumi and rushes down the hallway toward Keelan.
IZUMI
No!Stan grabs Keelan by the hands and pulls, but the flames are wrapped around his legs and pulling him in the other direction. Keelan bellows in pain as the flames engulf his lower half.
STAN
Hold on!Stan struggles to pull Keelan from the fire, but he loses his grip and goes tumbling backwards. Keelan slides down the hall in the fire’s clutches.
The flames engulf his body. He screams in agony.
Stan watches, but there’s nothing he can do. He retreats to where Izumi cowers against the wall.
The flames dance over Keelan’s body, burning off his clothes and searing his flesh. He writhes in pain.
Izumi SCREAMS. Stan holds her tightly.
Keelan rolls on the floor trying to extinguish the flames, but it’s no use, the fire runs over his body, incessantly burning him to a crisp.
Keelan’s blackened arm reaches for his waist. He pulls the pistol from its holster, raises it to his head, and pulls the trigger.
The GUN FIRES and blood splatters across the hallway as Keelan’s body goes limp on the floor.
Izumi SCREAMS again as Stan buries her head in his shoulder to avert her view.
The fiery creature kneels over the Keelan’s dead body, let’s out a sizzling shriek, and retreats back through the open doorways flanking the hall. The layer of smoke wafts away, and the hallway is quiet.
Izumi cries hysterically. Stan rubs his hand over her hair.
STAN
It’s okay. It’ll be okay.He glances back at Keelan’s charred body lying in a pool of blood.
STAN
Let’s get out of here. -
Level 2 Emotions
This lesson I learned that using these emotions can really help you design the specifics of a scene in a way that allows it to unfold in a compelling way.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Carina and Dmitri take turns tossing paperclips into a waste basket, while Julian pours over his blueprints.
Osmond and Adrienne are in the small glass enclosed conference room, reviewing files.
Izumi is moving about the room, Windex bottle in hand, cleaning desktops and surfaces.
She gets close to Julian with the spray bottle and he pulls his blueprints away quickly.
JULIAN
Hey, hey, hey. Watch it.IZUMI
Sorry. It’s a mess in here. There’s a layer of dust on everything.Carina sinks a paperclip shot.
CARINA
Yes! I win.DMITRI
I don’t even know what we’re playing.Izumi continues her dusting.
IZUMI
Did the guard say how long it would take to fix?CARINA
Nope. He went to find out though.Julian folds the blueprint.
JULIAN
There’s another way out of here, that is, if Dmitri put the stairs in the right places.Dmitri throws a paper clip at Julian.
Osmond and Adrienne exit the conference room to join the others.
ADRIENNE
I thought you all were going for a drink?CARINA
Elevator’s broken.ADRIENNE
Are your legs broken too? Take the stairs.Julian shoots her a look.
JULIAN
Now there’s an idea.OSMOND
I’m actually glad you’re all here, because I can share some exciting news. Adrienne has come up with a way to close Mumbai.Carina perks up. Julian is perplexed.
JULIAN
There were some serious code issues to deal with there.OSMOND
Nothing our savvy SVP couldn’t navigate.CARINA
That’s great. I can already see the marketing. Reach for the sky, in Mumbai.Dmitri chuckles.
DMITRI
That is good. Very good.The office door bursts open, and Keelan comes bounding in, breath racing, pale faced. The whole gang turns to look at him. Even Izumi stops mid-spray.
OSMOND
My lord, you look like you’ve seen a ghost young man.KEELAN
There’s been an accident.OSMOND
An accident?KEELAN
The mechanic…I was…he..I don’t know how…but his skin…ADRIENNE
Slow down hon, have a seat.She escorts him to a chair.
KEELAN
He’s dead.CARINA
Oh my god.JULIAN
What?OSMOND
Are you sure?Keelan fidgets, too spooked to sit still.
KEELAN
I don’t know what happened. But it’s not pretty I’ll tell you that.DMITRI
Where?KEELAN
In the machine room.DMITRI
Let’s have a look.Dimitri heads out the doorway.
OSMOND
Izumi, call 911.Osmond rushes after him, and Carina follows him.
Izumi puts down her cleaner and picks up the phone. She taps it repeatedly, then hangs it up.
IZUMI
No dial tone.Adrienne pulls out her cell phone, tries to make a call. She waves the phone around the room.
ADRIENNE
No service.Julian does the same with his phone.
JULIAN
No fucking way.He and Adrienne exchange looks, then hurry out of the office after the others.
Keelen takes a deep breath, stands and follows, leaving Izumi alone in the office. She wipes one last clump of dust off the desktop, then rushes off too.
IZUMI
Wait for me!INT. HALLWAY – DAY
The group of six make their way down the hallway, Osmond in the lead. He holds up his hand.
OSMOND
I smell smoke.He turns back to the group, notices Dmitri behind him smoking a cigarette. He glares at the contractor, who puts the butt out on the floor.
CARINA
I smell it too…it’s like an electrical fire.OSMOND
Maybe you all should wait here.Dmitri pushes past him.
DMITRI
I check it out.Osmond motions for the others to stay put, then waves for Kellan to join him as they move down the hallway.
The others stick together, taking small steps slowly in the same direction.
INT. VESTIBULE – DAY
Dmitri approaches a vestibule with a door marked “MACHINE ROOM” and reaches for the knob.
KEELAN (O.S.)
Wait!Dmitri pulls his hand back and Osmond and Keelan join him.
KEELAN
It might be hot.He removes a handkerchief from his pocket, wraps it around his hand, and hesitantly grabs the door knob. Satisfied he nods to the others.
KEELAN
You sure you want to see this?OSMOND
No.DMITRI
Yes.KEELAN
Here goes.He opens the door and the odor hits them. Osmond covers his nose. Dmitri eagerly peers into the room.
DMITRI
Oh man.Keelan takes a quick look to confirm what he saw earlier, then looks away.
Osmond squints as if that will make what he sees les painful to look at.
The mechanics body lies against the wall, his clothing tattered and burned, and his flesh blackened and blistered. His face is a mess of burned flesh and bone.
OSMOND
Was he electrocuted?KEELAN
Maybe. The circuit board is fried.Osmond examines the panel, looks at the body again.
OSMOND
Looks like he was burned by fire, but I don’t see any other evidence of a blaze.Dmitri reaches for the control panel. Osmond pulls him back and closes the door.
OSMOND
It could be dangerous. Let’s get the others out of here. -
This lesson I learned that even the smallest moments in a scene can create apprehension, surprise and shock.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Julian canvases the office, inspecting moldings, door jambs, corner edges and other construction details. Carina follows behind him, taking pictures with her smart phone.
JULIAN
The edging is terrible. And the door jambs don’t look plumb.CARINA
No problem. I’ll just shoot this way.She turns toward the plate glass windows and takes a photo.
Julian surveys the back wall and shakes his head. He pulls a blueprint out of his shoulder bag and unfolds it.
JULIAN
There should be an exit door here. This wasn’t done according to plan.Carina spins around to look at the wall.
CARINA
More wall space. For huge photos of Singapore, Dubai and Toronto.Julian kneels to inspect an electrical outlet which seems to be loose. He tugs on it and the entire housing falls out exposing unsheathed wires. He grunts.
JULIAN
Terrible work. This is not safe.CARINA
You should see the wires under my desk at home.Julian stands, notices a doorway in the corner. He walks over to it.
JULIAN
And what is this closet doing here? There shouldn’t be a closet…He opens the door and DIMITRI PIERNO leaps from behind it.
DMITRI
Ahhhhha!Julian jumps back, face flushed, startled by the hairy, middle-aged man in a wrinkled track suit.
JULIAN
Dmitri! You scared the shit out of me.Dmitri laughs in slow, staccato baritone.
JULIAN
And by the way there should not be a closet there!DMITRI
Is not closet. Is exit.JULIAN
The exit is supposed to be over there…Julian points toward the opposite wall.
JULIAN
…next to the your shoddy edging and the broken outlet.Dmitri saunters over to the outlet. He pushes it back into place.
DMITRI
You see? I fix.Carina chuckles.
CARINA
No problemo.Julian rests his head in his hands.
JULIAN
You’re going to be working here. What if that started a fire?CARINA
We’ll escape. Through the closet.She smirks. Julian sighs. Dmitri pats him on the back.
DMITRI
You worry too much. Everything fine. Just behind little bit. Come, we have drink downstairs, celebrate building.JULIAN
It’s a bit premature for Champagne.DMITRI
Beer. We drink beer.
CARINA
Sounds good to me, let’s go.EXT. ELEVATOR LOBBY – DAY
The three of them turn the corner of the elevator lobby where three banks of elevators line the wall.
CARINA
Let’s hit that bar across the street. They have some great microbrews.Carina pushes the button. It doesn’t light up. She pushes it again. And again. Nothing.
The floor indicators above the elevators are not lit up either.
CARINA
Damn. No elevators.JULIAN
They were just working.CARINA
Something must have happened.JULIAN
(to Dmitri)
Can you fix that too?Dmitri pushes the button. Nothing. He pushes it again. And again.
DMITRI
Elevator not my expertise.JULIAN
Obviously.CARINA
I wonder what happened.KEELAN FINN answers her with confidence and a slight Irish accent.
KEELAN (O.S.)
Problem with the mechanism.The tall, red-haired security guard approaches. He’s in his thirties and wears his badge proudly, along with a small sidearm.
KEELAN
The mechanic is working on it as we speak. I’ll go see about his progress. If you all want to wait in the office I’ll come let you know.Julian turns and heads back towards the office.
JULIAN
Back to the drawing board.Dmitri and Carina follow.
DMITRI
Is there beer in there?Carina shakes her head as they disappear around the corner.
The security guard heads down the opposite hallway.
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I learned that even with all the planning we’ve done up until now, you still need to turn it into a story by adding details that execute on the plan.
Readable Outline
Fire rages through an apartment building. The Fire Department arrives, but it’s not going to be an easy one to fight and there are still people in the building.
The fire chief rushes in to save them, but he gets trapped by falling debris, the result of shoddy construction. He has to watch the residents perish, while he himself burns to death slowly, and is engulfed in a ball of flames.
Some years later, another brand new building is seeing its first occupants, as the CEO of Haven Development welcomes his staff to their new office. The building isn’t even fully done yet, in fact their floor is the only one that is occupied. But nevertheless, several of the key employees are there, including the Senior VP, the Marketing Director and the CEO’s Assistant. Also in attendance for the walk through are the Architect of the building and the Contractor responsible for construction.
As the architect inspects the building, he notices some things that are not up to his standards, and points them out. But the Contractor dismisses his concerns and the Marketing Director puts her usual positive spin on things.
When they try to leave, they find the elevator is not working. A Security Guard who is making his rounds tells them that a mechanic is working on it.
When they try to access the stairwell, the door appears to be fused shut and won’t open. The Security Guard suggests they wait in the office while he goes to check on the mechanic.
The Security Guard goes to the machine room, where he discovers that the mechanic has been charred to death and the control board and communications panels have been fried.
He hurries back to the others to tell them to evacuate.
A Janitor who is waxing the floor helps them get the stairway door open. They begin to descend, but there are flames below that block their way.
They retreat and try another stairwell, but discover it is also blocked by fire.
The Janitor thinks he can access the elevator override, so he pries open the elevator doors and gets to work inside it.
The Contractor tells them there is a viaduct that can take them to the other side of the building, where the rear stairwell is. No one else is willing to crawl into the viaduct, so the Contractor goes alone.
The Contractor crawls through the viaduct but becomes stuck. Smoke begins to surround him from behind, and flames crawl up his legs. He writhes in pain, trying to pat the fire out and get loose, but he can’t. Right before the fire engulfs him, he sees a face in the flames.
Back in the office, the others hear a scream. The duct collapses and the Contractor’s charred body falls to the ground, but there is no sign of the fire.
They flee for the elevator and the Janitor now has it working, so they get in and try to go down. But the fire burns through the cable, and causes the elevator to drop suddenly and stop abruptly between floors.
Smoke starts to fill the car. The Janitor tries to pry open the doors, but he has trouble. The SVP thinks she has a better idea to escape through the hatch, but when she opens it, the fire bursts through the hole with human-like arms and pulls her from the car and envelops her.
The Janitor gets the doors open and they all climb out onto an unfinished floor of the building. The fire erupts into the hallway and they scatter for safety, separated by the flames.
The Architect tries to escape down a hallway, but without being finished, it quickly becomes a maze of corridors. At every turn, there is fire at the end of the corridor. He frantically runs back and forth trying to find an exit, when he comes to a dead end. He turns around to backtrack, but the fire has him cornered. It takes human form and hugs him to death in flames.
Meanwhile the CEO is trying to lead the rest of them to safety, but the fire erupts in a hallway. The Marketing Director is cut off from the rest. She grabs a fire hose and the fire monster pulls back, but the hose doesn’t work. The creature laughs and attacks her, grabbing the hose and strangling her with it (so she can’t even scream). She is then engulfed in flames and burned to death.
The others take refuge in an empty, unfinished office, where they argue about the fire and it’s strange behavior. The Assistant admits that she knows the shortcuts her boss takes. The Janitor supports her and the Security Guard is outraged. “If you took shortcuts in this building, then these deaths are on you.” They leave him in the office, slamming the door behind them on the way out.
The door gets stuck, and the CEO can’t get out. Smoke starts to fill the office. The fire tries to come through the door, but it can’t get through, so it smashes through a glass window to get at him. Wounded and scared, he falls on the floor, and the fire begins to engulf him. But he crawls away into a closet and slams the door. The fire engulfs the wall and door and he screams within.
The Security Guard leads the others through the unfinished corridors, looking for a way out, when the fire erupts from an empty office. He grabs a fire extinguisher and tries to fend it off while the Assistant and Janitor escape. But it runs out and the fire overtakes him. As it slowly burns him to death, he pulls out his pistol and shoots himself in the head to escape the pain.
The Assistant and Janitor duck into a machine room to take refuge. They try to come up with a plan to extinguish the fire. But water and fire extinguishers don’t work. The fire comes through large air ducts into the room and quickly surrounds them. They embrace each other in the impending doom.
The CEO bursts through the flames wrapped in fire retardant insulation. His flesh is charred but he is still alive. He gives them the insulation and tells them to run. The fire grabs him and throws him through the glass window to his death. The air rushes into the room and the fire swells.
The Janitor and Assistant make it out into the hallway and close the fire proof door. The Janitor realizes the fire needs oxygen, and he can reverse the HVAC machine to suck all the air out of the room, but he’ll have to go back in. And he’ll need the Assistant to distract the fire.
They wrap themselves in insulation and he grabs a fire extinguisher and they rush into the room. He blasts the fire creature with the extinguisher which slows it enough for the Assistant to run into the room and distract it. The Janitor begins work on the HVAC machine.
The fire closes in on the Assistant backing her up towards the window. Just as it’s about to close in on her, the Janitor reverses the HVAC unit and the creature is sucked back into the air vents.
He embraces the Assistant. It’s over. But as they hug, smoke starts spewing from every vent in the room and the air ducts start shaking violently. All at once the fire explodes from every vent, and a hundred fiery tendrils reach out and grab the Janitor. He is pulled away from the Assistant, and the fire slowly burns him to death as she watches.
With the Janitor gone, the fire turns on the Assistant, forcing her toward the window. She climbs out on the ledge to get away, 50 stories up. The fire follows. It looks her in the face, she thinks she’s about to die and so she jumps from the ledge. But the fire creature has its arm around her and keeps her from falling. It gives her a sympathetic look and then the creature dives off the ledge taking all of the fire with it. It evaporates into smoke and disappears in the air. The assistant crouches, crying, on the window ledge.
The Assistant is in an ambulance being tended to. The Fire Marshal talks to her about the fire and tells her that it looks like it was due to shoddy construction. She tries to tell him about the creature, but he dismisses it as trauma. He tells her it happens. A similar thing happened some years ago, at another building that took shortcuts – and their fire chief was killed.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Gregg Guest.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by
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This lesson I learned that it helps to flesh out each character with details that can help drive their reactions, behaviors and choices and to underscore the themes of the horror.
Character Profiles
Osmond Deighton (50’s)
Role: Leader, CEO of Haven Development
Traits (main characteristics): Well educated and sophisticated
Fears (Primal fears): Fears he will lose power/control
Wants/Needs (main motivations):Enjoys power, influence and wealth.
Likability / Rooting factors: He is a typical business leader, inspires confidence and loyalty
How they react under stress: Unemotional and direct, always calculating and strategizing.
Relationship with other characters: Ultimately cares more about himself than those that work for him.
Character Intro: Leads everyone into the new offices, makes a toast
Denial: Dismisses the fact that the building is not up to code
Their reaction at first horror: Dismisses the severity
Relation to group after first horror: Tries to calm everyone
Reaction as horror increases: Loses control
How they fight back: Redeems and rises to the challenge to save the others
End Point: Sacrifices himself for the others
What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? Redemption through sacrificeAdrienne Tupper (40’s)
Role: Obnoxious, Senior Vice President at Haven Development.
Traits (main characteristics): Pretentious and phony, a name dropper
Fears (Primal fears): Afraid of being second fiddle, subpar or left out
Wants/Needs (main motivations): Always needs to be the most striking one in the room
Likability / Rooting factors: Feminine but holds her own with the “boys club.”
How they react under stress: She always believes she is right and knows what to do.
Relationship with other characters: Insulting and arrogant
Character Intro: Chugs her drink and mentions missing out on a celebrity event
Denial: Thinks its some sort of joke
Their reaction at first horror: Oblivious
Relation to group after first horror: Insists that its not dangerous and she knows what to do
Reaction as horror increases: Gets drunker
How they fight back: Defiance
End Point: Stays in the elevator and gets pulled out by the fire
What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? Being arrogant will get you killedJulian Fowler (30’s)
Role: Loner, Architect
Traits (main characteristics): Intelligent and nerdy with a dark sense of humor
Fears (Primal fears): Scared of not accomplishing anything
Wants/Needs (main motivations): Wants to be known for something, to be an “artist” or “genius”
Likability / Rooting factors: Knows his stuff when it comes to design and science,
How they react under stress: He uses logic and fact to solve problems
Relationship with other characters: Doesn’t like to impose his ideas on others, awkward socially
Character Intro: Admires the architectural detail of his design
Denial: Doesn’t want to believe his art could burn
Their reaction at first horror: Can figure it out by looking at blueprints
Relation to group after first horror: Thinks they should do what they want to do
Reaction as horror increases: Tries to find a logical escape
How they fight back: By compartmentalizing the fire
End Point: He is compartmentalized and trapped
What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? A map alone won’t save you.Carina Hernandez (30’s)
Role: Complainer, Marketing Director at Haven Development
Traits (main characteristics): Saucy and brash
Fears (Primal fears): Scared of the truth and deep emotion
Wants/Needs (main motivations): Motivated and focused on doing her job
Likability / Rooting factors: Tells it like it is, Sarcastically funny
How they react under stress: She is always looking to put a spin on things
Relationship with other characters: Seems to have a negative opinion on most everything and loves to make her thoughts known
Character Intro: Reveals new marketing for the building
Denial: Dismisses it sarcastically
Their reaction at first horror: Tries to explain it away
Reaction as horror increases: Gets negative about escape
Relation to group after first horror: Tries to give them hope by spinning things
How they fight back: Uses a hose on the fire
End Point: Gets strangled and burned
What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? No truth in advertising is unethicalDimitri Pierno (40’s)
Role: Rebel, Owner of Pierno Contracting, builder for Haven Development
Traits (main characteristics): Surly and unsophisticated
Fears (Primal fears): Being ignored, having to work forever
Wants/Needs (main motivations): Wants to make as much money as he can, but refuses to apply himself
Likability / Rooting factors: Looking for quick ways to succeed
How they react under stress: Utilizes shortcuts to get what he wants
Relationship with other characters: Always bucking trends
Character Intro: Working on last minute construction
Denial: Too lazy to check it out, assumes its no big deal
Their reaction at first horror: Looks for the quickest way out to protect himself
Relation to group after first horror: Doesn’t agree with their ideas and goes his own way
Reaction as horror increases: Tries to get out quickly
How they fight back: Kicks and struggles
End Point: Dies alone in an HVAC vent that collapses
What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? Shortcuts don’t work.Keelan Finn (30’s)
Role: Rescuer, Security Guard
Traits (main characteristics): Charming and respectful but strong-willed
Fears (Primal fears): Scared of being weak, not being masculine
Wants/Needs (main motivations): To help people, to be a hero
Likability / Rooting factors: He tends to easily trust people
How they react under stress: Brave but niave
Relationship with other characters: Always looking for ways to help others
Character Intro: Doing a check on the building
Denial: Can’t believe it would happen on his first day
Their reaction at first horror: Calls for help
Relation to group after first horror: Feels guilty about the mechanic
Reaction as horror increases: Wants to fight
How they fight back: Tries to extinguish the fire
End Point: Can’t escape the pain, so he takes his own life
What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? If you can’t protect yourself, you cant protect othersStanislav Zitnik (20’s)
Role: Love Interest, Janitor
Traits (main characteristics): Handsome and rugged
Fears (Primal fears): Fear of being an outsider
Wants/Needs (main motivations): Dedicated to doing a good job
Likability / Rooting factors: Smart and easygoing with a strong sense of compassion and fairness
How they react under stress: Calm and measured
Relationship with other characters: Wants to make the world a better place
Character Intro: Cleaning the construction debris
Denial: Figures everything will be fine there are others to deal with it
Their reaction at first horror: Remains calm
Relation to group after first horror: Joins them for security
Reaction as horror increases: Protects Izumi
How they fight back: tries to destroy fire by creating a vaccuum
End Point: Tortured to death with burns after nearly stopping the fire
What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? Love cannot save you.Izumi Okumura (20’s)
Role: Moral One, Administrative Assistant
Traits (main characteristics): Unassuming, quiet and funny
Fears (Primal fears): Doesn’t want to be held back, fear of being a bad person
Wants/Needs (main motivations): Always trying to understand things and find meaning and lessons in them
Likability / Rooting factors: A desire to continually grow and improve herself
How they react under stress: Tries to analyze stress away
Relationship with other characters: Ethical and caring
Character Intro: Trying to please the CEO
Denial: Too busy to take notice
Their reaction at first horror: Wants details
Relation to group after first horror: Soothes everyone and insures them the CEO will lead them
Reaction as horror increases: Begins to mistrust the company
How they fight back: Works with Janitor to extinguish the fire, uses fire retardant material to fend off fire
End Point: Forced onto window ledge and spared
What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? Being ethical and caring will save you.Terance Cornett (30’s)
Role: Innocent, Building Mechanic
Traits (main characteristics): Serious but warm
Fears (Primal fears): Losing his family
Wants/Needs (main motivations): Wants to provide for his family
Likability / Rooting factors: Muscular build, strength
How they react under stress: Always trying to solve problems.
Relationship with other characters: Services others
Character Intro: Comes to help with elevator
Denial: Assumes he can fix it
Their reaction at first horror: Investigates it curiously
Relation to group after first horror: Dead
Reaction as horror increases: Caught unawares
How they fight back: Doesn’t have a chance
End Point: First to die, electrocuted and charred
What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? Innocent people are not safe-
This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Gregg Guest.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by
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This lesson I learned that you need to have a plan to reveal the characteristics of the monster that builds suspense and pushes the story to its conclusion.
Assignment:
Who or what is the monster? The spirit of a dead fire chief that manifests in a corporeal form of fire.
Monster’s Terror:
Powers? Smoke, Fire, Speed, Surprise, Can Go Anywhere, Has a corporeal form, Can have Physical Interaction, exists even when not burning (spiritual transcendence),
Limitations? Cannot speak, Can’t go through fire retardants/fire doors
Weaknesses? Afraid of water, Needs oxygen to thrive/survive
Plan/Purpose/Appetite? Revenge on Corrupt and selfish peopleSequence & Demand of Reveals:
Smoke – curiosity
Fire – terrorCan’t burn retardants – discovery
Speed – terrorHas a corporeal form – terror
Surprise – curiosityCan Go Anywhere – terror
Can’t get through fire doors – putting things together
Can have Physical Interaction – terror
Afraid of water – discovery
Can exist even when extinguished – curiosity
Needs oxygen to survive – putting things togetherUpdated Outline with Monster Reveals:
ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR
Atmosphere of Evil established
A fire chief is trapped in a burning building trying to save a family, but he is unable to save them and must watch them die while he slowly burns to death.Horror Situation: Fire is raging, a family is trapped.
Reaction – Try to Solve: The Fire Chief tries to rescue them
Horror Situation: The ceiling collapses and traps him. He watches the family die while he burns to death.
Character Death: Fire Chief
Why: The building is not safe
How: Ceiling collapse, burned to deathConnect with the characters
First day at the new office of Haven Development. The CEO welcomes everyone to the new office – the VP, Marketing Manager, Architect, Builder and Assistant.The characters are warned not to do it.
The Architect is concerned that certain elements of the building are not to spec with his plans.Denial of Horror
The Builder says everything is fine and ready. The Marketing Manager is skeptical but puts a positive spin on it.Safety taken away
The elevator is not working (shorted), and the stairwell door won’t open (Fused shut), so they must stay in the office. The mechanic gets to work on the elevator.Horror Situation: They are trapped in the office
Reaction: Try to solve problem- Mechanic tries to fix elevator, goes to machine room.
Monster: The nature of the beast.
The security guard smells smoke. He goes to check the alarm system in the machine room and discovers the mechanic and the alarm system and communications have been charred. He joins the other characters to tell them about the death and to evacuate.Horror Situation: Smoke coming into the office, electrocuted, charred mechanic and alarm system
Reaction: Panic, Escape.
Character Death: Terance Cornett, Mechanic
Why: He’s trying to save the others
How: Electrocuted
Monster Reveal: Smoke – curiosityACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN
Isolated / Trapped / Abducted
They get the stairway open, but the fire breaks out and blocks their way. They try another stairwell, but it is also blocked. The elevator is still not functioning.Horror Situation: Smoke fills the stairway
Reaction: They escape through another stairway
Monster Reveal: Speed – terrorHorror Situation: Flames erupt in the stairway
Reaction: They retreat to the elevator but it’s still not working. The janitor tries to solve and fix it.One of us killed
The Builder suggests they climb through the air vent to get out, but no one will go with him. He goes alone and he gets trapped in the duct, where the fire slowly burns him to death and we see it’s “human” form for the first time. The duct collapses and his charred body falls to the ground for the others to see..Horror Situation: Claustrophobia in air vent and legs catch on fire.
Reaction: Tries to fight and put out fire, but it spreads over his body
Monster Reveal: Can Go Anywhere – terrorHorror Situation: The fire has a face
Reaction: Denial, then death
Monster Reveal: Has a corporeal form – terrorHorror Situation: The body falls through the vent to the floor for everyone to see
Reaction: Confusion, since there is no fire
Character Death: Dmitir Pierno, Contractor
Why: He is a coward and tries to escape his own way
How: Trapped and burned from the bottom up
Monster Reveal: Surprise – curiosityMIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought!
Full pursuit by the killer
The janitor gets the elevator working and they all try to escape, but the fire burns the cable and the car halts. They manage to escape but the fire comes into the car and pulls the VP out of it to kill her. The rest of them escape onto the nearest floor.Horror Situation: Elevator drops
Reaction: EscapeHorror Situation: VP pulled out of car by fire
Reaction: Denial, Escape
Character Death: Adrienne Tupper, SVP
Why: She is arrogant and thinks she knows what to do
How: Pulled from the elevator by the fire
Monster Reveal: Can have Physical Interaction – terrorTerrorized
The fire now erupts into the hallway and they all flee to get away, one by one they are trapped and killed, the loner, the marketing director and then the CEO.Horror Situation: Can’t find way out of hallway maze (Lost)
Reaction: Tries to find the way out, but gets hysterical and in denial
Character Death: Julian Fowler, Architect
Why: He is complicit with the poor design of the building
How: Cornered and trapped in the hallway and burnedHorror Situation: Wrapped up in fire hose (Trapped)
Reaction: Tries to use hose to fight fire, then tries to escape by cutting the hose
Character Death: Carina Hernandez, Marketing Director
Why: She lies about the safety of the buildings
How: Strangled with a fire hose and burned
Monster Reveal: Afraid of water – discoveryHorror Situation: The corrupt CEO is found out and given over to the fire (infiltrated)
Reaction: Try to solve by giving up the CEO
Character Death: Osmond Deighton, CEO
Why: Greedy and corrupt developer with no regard for safety
How: Locked in closet and left to die (false death)Horror Situation: Burned to a char and crawling to get away (injured)
Reaction: Fight/Escape
Monster Reveal: Can;t get through fire doors – putting things togetherACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR
Fight to the death
The security guard manages to hold off the fire with a fire hose, but the water can’t kill it, and the fire burns him to a crisp – he is in so much pain that he shoots himself in the head.Horror Situation: Someone shoots themselves in the head to avoid painful death (see other killed)
Reaction: Fights but loses and has to escape by suicide
Character Death: Keelan Finn, Security Guard
Why: For trying to protect the others
How: Shoots himself in the head to end the pain of being charred
Monster Reveal: Fire charring – terrorHysteria
The assistant has a breakdown, but the Janitor consoles her. They come up with a plan to defeat the fire creature (with water)Horror Situation: Take refuge in a room, lock out the fire, but the fire is in there (out of frying pan into fire)
Reaction: Hide, denial/false safetyThe thrilling escape from death
The janitor and assistant work together to defeat the fire just in time by creating a vacuum that deprives it of air.Horror Situation: Room engulfed in flames (impending doom)
Reaction: Hiding in room, has to fight the flames? The CEO Returns to save them and dies by being blown out the window?
Horror Situation: Blown out window, fall to death
Reaction: Shock
Character Death: Osmond Deighton, CEO
Why: Redeems himself to fend off the monster
How: Blown out window and falls to death
Monster Reveal: Needs oxygen to survive – putting things togetherDeath returns to take one or more.
But at the last minute, the fire flares up and kills the Janitor. The assistant is spared.Horror Situation: Thinking the fire is out, but it flares back up to get them (tricked)
Reaction: denial that it is over, tries to fight the fire
Monster Reveal: Can exist even when extinguished – curiosityHorror Situation: Slowly burned while loved one watches (mentally tortured)
Reaction: fights/tries to escape
Character Death: Stanislav Zitnik
Why: For trying to save the assistant
How: Charred slowly in front of her
Monster Reveal: Can’t burn retardants – discoveryHorror Situation: Forced onto window ledge by fire (forced into danger)
Reaction: Tries to hide, denial, but it discoveredHorror Situation: Someone is about to be burned by the fire but is spared (face to face)
Reaction: hide, escapeResolution
The fire marshll determines the building was built shoddily, and the same thing happened in a fire several years ago in which the fire chief perished. -
With this lesson I learned how much fun it can be to come up with different ways for characters to die! It also helped me understand better the progression of deaths and the reasons for them.
Character Death: Fire Chief
Why: The building is not safe
How: Ceiling collapse, burned to deathCharacter Death: Terance Cornett, Mechanic
Why: He’s trying to save the others
How: ElectrocutedCharacter Death: Dmitir Pierno, Contractor
Why: He is a coward and tries to escape his own way
How: Trapped and burned from the bottom upCharacter Death: Adrienne Tupper, SVP
Why: She is arrogant and thinks she knows what to do
How: Pulled from the elevator by the fireCharacter Death: Julian Fowler, Architect
Why: He is complicit with the poor design of the building
How: Cornered and trapped in the hallway and burnedCharacter Death: Carina Hernandez, Marketing Director
Why: She lies about the safety of the buildings
How: Strangled with a fire hose and burnedCharacter Death: Osmond Deighton, CEO
Why: Greedy and corrupt developer with no regard for safety
How: Locked in closet and left to die (false death)Character Death: Keelan Finn, Security Guard
Why: For trying to protect the others
How: Shoots himself in the head to end the pain of being charredCharacter Death: Osmond Deighton, CEO
Why: Redeems himself to fend off the monster
How: Blown out window and falls to deathCharacter Death: Stanislav Zitnik
Why: For trying to save the assistant
How: Charred slowly in front of herACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR
Atmosphere of Evil established
A fire chief is trapped in a burning building trying to save a family, but he is unable to save them and must watch them die while he slowly burns to death.Horror Situation: Fire is raging, a family is trapped.
Reaction – Try to Solve: The Fire Chief tries to rescue them
Horror Situation: The ceiling collapses and traps him. He watches the family die while he burns to death.
Character Death: Fire Chief
Why: The building is not safe
How: Ceiling collapse, burned to deathConnect with the characters
First day at the new office of Haven Development. The CEO welcomes everyone to the new office – the VP, Marketing Manager, Architect, Builder and Assistant.The characters are warned not to do it.
The Architect is concerned that certain elements of the building are not to spec with his plans.
Denial of Horror
The Builder says everything is fine and ready. The Marketing Manager is skeptical but puts a positive spin on it.
Safety taken away
The elevator is not working (shorted), and the stairwell door won’t open (Fused shut), so they must stay in the office. The mechanic gets to work on the elevator.Horror Situation: They are trapped in the office
Reaction: Try to solve problem- Mechanic tries to fix elevator, goes to machine room.
Monster: The nature of the beast.
The security guard smells smoke. He goes to check the alarm system in the machine room and discovers the mechanic and the alarm system and communications have been charred. He joins the other characters to tell them about the death and to evacuate.Horror Situation: Smoke coming into the office, electrocuted, charred mechanic and alarm system
Reaction: Panic, Escape.
Character Death: Terance Cornett, Mechanic
Why: He’s trying to save the others
How: Electrocuted
ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURNIsolated / Trapped / Abducted
They get the stairway open, but the fire breaks out and blocks their way. They try another stairwell, but it is also blocked. The elevator is still not functioning.Horror Situation: Smoke fills the stairway
Reaction: They escape through another stairwayHorror Situation: Flames erupt in the stairway
Reaction: They retreat to the elevator but it;s still not working. The janitor tries to solve and fix it.One of us killed
The Builder suggests they climb through the air vent to get out, but no one will go with him. He goes alone and he gets trapped in the duct, where the fire slowly burns him to death and we see it’s “human” form for the first time. The duct collapses and his charred body falls to the ground for the others to see..Horror Situation: Claustrophobia in air vent and legs catch on fire.
Reaction: Tries to fight and put out fire, but it spreads over his bodyHorror Situation: The fire has a face
Reaction: Denial, then deathHorror Situation: The body falls through the vent to the floor for everyone to see
Reaction: Confusion, since there is no fire
Character Death: Dmitir Pierno, Contractor
Why: He is a coward and tries to escape his own way
How: Trapped and burned from the bottom up
MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought!Full pursuit by the killer
The janitor gets the elevator working and they all try to escape, but the fire burns the cable and the car halts. They manage to escape but the fire comes into the car and pulls the VP out of it to kill her. The rest of them escape onto the nearest floor.Horror Situation: Elevator drops
Reaction: EscapeHorror Situation: VP pulled out of car by fire
Reaction: Denial, Escape
Character Death: Adrienne Tupper, SVP
Why: She is arrogant and thinks she knows what to do
How: Pulled from the elevator by the fireTerrorized
The fire now erupts into the hallway and they all flee to get away, one by one they are trapped and killed, the loner, the marketing director and then the CEO.Horror Situation: Can’t find way out of hallway maze (Lost)
Reaction: Tries to find the way out, but gets hysterical and in denial
Character Death: Julian Fowler, Architect
Why: He is complicit with the poor design of the building
How: Cornered and trapped in the hallway and burnedHorror Situation: Wrapped up in fire hose (Trapped)
Reaction: Tries to use hose to fight fire, then tries to escape by cutting the hose
Character Death: Carina Hernandez, Marketing Director
Why: She lies about the safety of the buildings
How: Strangled with a fire hose and burnedHorror Situation: The corrupt CEO is found out and given over to the fire (infiltrated)
Reaction: Try to solve by giving up the CEO
Character Death: Osmond Deighton, CEO
Why: Greedy and corrupt developer with no regard for safety
How: Locked in closet and left to die (false death)Maybe dont need this one? Or combine with CEO to make us think hes dead?
Horror Situation: Burned to a char and crawling to get away (injured)
Reaction: Fight/EscapeACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR
Fight to the death
The security guard manages to hold off the fire with a fire hose, but the water can’t kill it, and the fire burns him to a crisp – he is in so much pain that he shoots himself in the head.Horror Situation: Someone shoots themselves in the head to avoid painful death (see other killed)
Reaction: Fights but loses and has to escape by suicide
Character Death: Keelan Finn, Security Guard
Why: For trying to protect the others
How: Shoots himself in the head to end the pain of being charredHysteria
The assistant has a breakdown, but the Janitor consoles her. They come up with a plan to defeat the fire creature.Horror Situation: Take refuge in a room, lock out the fire, but the fire is in there (out of frying pan into fire)
Reaction: Hide, denial/false safetyThe thrilling escape from death
The janitor and assistant work together to defeat the fire just in time by creating a vacuum that deprives it of air.Horror Situation: Room engulfed in flames (impending doom)
Reaction: Hiding in room, has to fight the flames? The CEO Returns to save them and dies by being blown out the window?
Horror Situation: Blown out window, fall to death
Reaction: Shock
Character Death: Osmond Deighton, CEO
Why: Redeems himself to fend off the monster
How: Blown out window and falls to deathDeath returns to take one or more.
But at the last minute, the fire flares up and kills the Janitor. The assistant is spared.Horror Situation: Thinking the fire is out, but it flares back up to get them (tricked)
Reaction: denial that it is over, tries to fight the fireHorror Situation: Slowly burned while loved one watches (mentally tortured)
Reaction: fights/tries to escape
Character Death: Stanislav Zitnik
Why: For trying to save the assistant
How: Charred slowly in front of herHorror Situation: Forced onto window ledge by fire (forced into danger)
Reaction: Tries to hide, denial, but it discoveredHorror Situation: Someone is about to be burned by the fire but is spared (face to face)
Reaction: hide, escapeResolution
The fire marshal determines the building was built shoddily, and the same thing happened in a fire several years ago in which the fire chief perished.
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In this lesson I learned that there are many different ways to create horror situations, and a limited number of reactions the characters might have to them. I also learned that you need to include these horror situations at almost every step of the way – seeing them in the outline really helps to immediately know if you are scaring people often enough.
ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR
Atmosphere of Evil established
A fire chief is trapped in a burning building trying to save a family, but he is unable to save them and must watch them die while he slowly burns to death.Horror Situation: Fire is raging, a family is trapped.
Reaction – Try to Solve: The Fire Chief tries to rescue themHorror Situation: The ceiling collapses and traps him. He watches the family die while he burns to death.
Connect with the characters
First day at the new office of Haven Development. The CEO welcomes everyone to the new office – the VP, Marketing Manager, Architect, Builder and Assistant.The characters are warned not to do it.
The Architect is concerned that certain elements of the building are not to spec with his plans.Denial of Horror
The Builder says everything is fine and ready. The Marketing Manager is skeptical but puts a positive spin on it.Safety taken away
The elevator is not working (shorted), and the stairwell door won’t open (Fused shut), so they must stay in the office. The mechanic gets to work on the elevator.Horror Situation: They are trapped in the office
Reaction: Try to solve problem- Mechanic tries to fix elevator, goes to machine room.
Monster: The nature of the beast.
The security guard smells smoke. He goes to check the alarm system in the machine room and discovers the mechanic and the alarm system and communications have been charred. He joins the other characters to tell them about the death and to evacuate.Horror Situation: Smoke coming into the office, charred mechanic and alarm system
Reaction: Panic, Escape.
ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN
Isolated / Trapped / Abducted
They get the stairway open, but the fire breaks out and blocks their way. They try another stairwell, but it is also blocked. The elevator is still not functioning.Horror Situation: Smoke fills the stairway
Reaction: They escape through another stairwayHorror Situation: Flames erupt in the stairway
Reaction: They retreat to the elevator but it;s still not working. The janitor tries to solve and fix it.One of us killed
The Builder suggests they climb through the air vent to get out, but no one will go with him. He goes alone and he gets trapped in the duct, where the fire slowly burns him to death and we see it’s “human” form for the first time. The duct collapses and his charred body falls to the ground for the others to see..Horror Situation: Claustrophobia in air vent and legs catch on fire.
Reaction: Tries to fight and put out fire, but it spreads over his bodyHorror Situation: The fire has a face
Reaction: Denial, then deathHorror Situation: The body falls through the vent to the floor for everyone to see
Reaction: Confusion, since there is no fireMIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought!
Full pursuit by the killer
The janitor gets the elevator working and they all try to escape, but the fire burns the cable and the car halts. They manage to escape but the fire comes into the car and pulls the VP out of it to kill her. The rest of them escape onto the nearest floor.Horror Situation: Elevator drops
Reaction: EscapeHorror Situation: VP pulled out of car by fire
Reaction: Denial, EscapeTerrorized
The fire now erupts into the hallway and they all flee to get away, one by one they are trapped and killed, the loner, the marketing director and then the CEO.Horror Situation: Can’t find way out of hallway maze (Lost)
Reaction: Tries to find the way out, but gets hysterical and in denialHorror Situation: Wrapped up in fire hose (Trapped)
Reaction: Tries to use hose to fight fire, then tries to escape by cutting the hoseHorror Situation: The corrupt CEO is found out and given over to the fire (infiltrated)
Reaction: Try to solve by giving up the CEOHorror Situation: Burned to a char and crawling to get away (injured)
Reaction: Fight/EscapeACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR
Fight to the death
The security guard manages to hold off the fire with a fire hose, but the water can’t kill it, and the fire burns him to a crisp – he is in so much pain that he shoots himself in the head.Horror Situation: Someone shoots themselves in the head to avoid painful death (see other killed)
Reaction: Fights but loses and has to escape by suicideHysteria
The assistant has a breakdown, but the Janitor consoles her. They come up with a plan to defeat the fire creature.Horror Situation: Take refuge in a room, lock out the fire, but the fire is in there (out of frying pan into fire)
Reaction: Hide, denial/false safetyThe thrilling escape from death
The janitor and assistant work together to defeat the fire just in time by creating a vacuum that deprives it of air.Horror Situation: Room engulfed in flames (impending doom)
Reaction: Hiding in room, has to fight the flamesDeath returns to take one or more.
But at the last minute, the fire flares up and kills the Janitor. The assistant is spared.Horror Situation: Thinking the fire is out, but it flares back up to get them (tricked)
Reaction: denial that it is over, tries to fight the fireHorror Situation: Slowly burned while loved one watches (mentally tortured)
Reaction: fights/tries to escapeHorror Situation: Forced onto window ledge by fire (forced into danger)
Reaction: Tries to hide, denial, but it discoveredHorror Situation: Someone is about to be burned by the fire but is spared (face to face)
Reaction: hide, escapeResolution
The fire marshal determines the building was built shoddily, and the same thing happened in a fire several years ago in which the fire chief perished.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Gregg Guest.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by
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With this lesson I learned of a great, easy to use map for outlining a horror movie that helps make sure we hit all the dramatic points necessary to keep building tension and escalating the terror and death while revealing the monster.
ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR
Atmosphere of Evil established
A fire chief is trapped in a burning building trying to save a family, but he is unable to save them and must watch them die while he slowly burns to death.Connect with the characters
First day at the new office of Haven Development. The CEO welcomes everyone to the new office – the VP, Marketing Manager, Architect, Builder and Assistant.The characters are warned not to do it.
The Architect is concerned that certain elements of the building are not to spec with his plans.Denial of Horror
The Builder says everything is fine and ready. The Marketing Manager is skeptical but puts a positive spin on it.Safety taken away
The elevator is not working, and the stairwell was just painted, so they must stay in the office. The maintenance man gets to work on the elevator.Monster: The nature of the beast.
The security guard smells smoke, and discovers that the alarm system and communications have been charred. He joins the other characters to tell them about the problem and to evacuate.ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN
Isolated / Trapped / Abducted
They head down the painted stairway, but the fire breaks out and blocks their way. They try another stairwell, but it is also blocked. The elevator is still not functioning.One of us killed
The Builder suggests they climb through the air vent to get out, but no one will go with him. He goes alone and he gets trapped in the duct, where the fire slowly burns him to death and we see it’s “human” form for the first time. The duct collapses and his charred body falls to the ground for the others to see..MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought!
Full pursuit by the killer
The janitor gets the elevator working and they all try to escape, but the fire burns the cable and the car halts. They manage to escape but the fire comes into the car and pulls the VP out of it to kill her. The rest of them escape onto the nearest floor.Terrorized
The fire now erupts into the hallway and they all flee to get away, one by one they are trapped and killed, the loner, the marketing director and then the CEO.ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR
Fight to the deathThe security guard manages to hold off the fire with a fire hose, but the water can’t kill it, and the fire burns him to a crisp – he is in so much pain that he shoots himself in the head.
Hysteria
The assistant has a breakdown, but the Janitor consoles her. They come up with a plan to defeat the fire creature.The thrilling escape from death
The janitor and assistant work together to defeat the fire just in time by creating a vacuum that deprives it of air.Death returns to take one or more.
But at the last minute, the fire flares up and kills the Janitor. The assistant is spared.Resolution
The fire marshal determines the building was built shoddily, and the same thing happened in a fire several years ago in which the fire chief perished.-
This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Gregg Guest.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by
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What I learned doing this lesson is that it’s important to think about the type of character group that works best for the story and to construct that group with a good mix of different types that fit the typical roles found in horror movies. It might have helped to have a bit more detail on each of the roles to better understand their characteristics or their purpose in the story.
My concept is a sentient fire creature terrorizing a group of people in a high rise.
The group is a TEAM OF PROFESSIONALS – they all work at Haven Development or in the building where the offices are located, and many of them know each other, or have seen each other before.
The dying pattern is 6-8 people who are killed off one by one.
Characters:
Leader: Osmond Deighton, CEO of Haven Development, 50’s, well educated and sophisticated, unemotional and direct, always calculating and strategizing. Enjoys power, influence and wealth. He is a typical business leader, but ultimately cares more about himself than those that work for him.
Obnoxious: Adrienne Tupper, Senior Vice President at Haven Development. 40’s, pretentious and phony, a name dropper, insulting and arrogant. Always needs to be the most striking one in the room, feminine but holds her own with the “boys club.” She always believes she is right and knows what to do.
Loner: Julian Fowler, Architect. 30’s, intelligent and nerdy, knows his stuff when it comes to design and science, awkward socially, with a dark sense of humor. He uses logic and fact to solve problems, but doesn’t like to impose his ideas on others.
Complainer: Carina Hernandez, Marketing Director at Haven Development, 30’s, saucy and brash, motivated and focused on doing her job, but seems to have a negative opinion on most everything and loves to make her thoughts known. She is always looking to put a spin on things.
Rebel: Dimitri Pierno, Owner of Pierno Contracting, builder for Haven Development. 40’s, surly and unsophisticated, always bucking trends. Wants to make as much money as he can, but refuses to apply himself, instead looking for quick ways to succeed. Utilizes shortcuts to get what he wants..
Rescuer: Keelan Finn, Security Guard, 30’s, ginger, charming and respectful but strong-willed. Brave but naïve. He tends to easily trust people, and is always looking for ways to help others,
Love Interest: Stanislav Zitnik, Janitor, 20’s, handsome and rugged, smart and easygoing with a strong sense of compassion and fairness. Dedicated to doing a good job and making the world a better place.
Moral One: Izumi Okumura, 20’s, Administrative Assistant, attractive but unassuming, quiet and funny, ethical and caring, with a desire to continually grow and improve herself. She is always trying to understand things and find meaning and lessons in them.
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I learned that it’s definitely not easy to create a monster that looks and acts scary, and working with something like fire which is not human makes it even harder – especially for the fear provoking appearance part. But that made me really envision this monster and how it needs to be anthropomorphized in a way that makes it frightening. I also learned that you don’t have to reveal the origin of the monster and can use that to set up a myth for a sequel.
Gregg’s Monster:
My monster is a sentient fire creature, who at first appears to be a normal fire, but it becomes clear that the fire has a spirit, and is carrying out plans with a purpose and a will of its own.
Their Terror: Fire is pretty terrifying on its own, but imagine if fire could think, and react, and avoid. And kill intentionally. A fire extinguisher won’t work. No exit will be clear. Stop and drop won’t work. It’s terrifying to think that a fire is coming after you, with the intention of killing you. And imagine if fire could torture you – burning your flesh to a crisp slowly without killing you.
Their Mystery: Fire is shrouded in smoke, which hides it. The fire seems normal at first, but it’s actions begin to show that it can think, and react, and execute its plans against the humans. Slowly its anthropomorphized characteristics are revealed.
Their Fear Provoking Appearance: Again, fire and smoke can be pretty scary on their own. But imagine fire with a face, and arms and hands with long fiery fingers.
Their Rules: Like real fire the monster moves quickly and irregularly. The more intense it gets the more smoke and heat it generates. Unlike real fire, it is impervious to water and fire extinguishers. But it does require oxygen to breathe.
Their Mythology: The fire monster was born out of the greed of developers whose shortsightedness led to a fire chief’s death. His spirit merged with flames to create the fire creature for the sole purpose of revenge. If the creature is killed, even one small ember could ignite it again.
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Day 1 Assignments:
Watch the movie and as you do, note its conventions.
Title / Concept: The Mist: townspeople are terrorized by a strange mist full of creatures
Terrorize The Characters: Wild storms, weather/fog, the Mist, Strange Creatures, End Times, Frenzied mob
Isolation: No power, no radio, no phone signal, stuck in the supermarket
Death: Flesh ripped open, dragged away, bitten, eaten, burned
Monster/Villain: The mist, giant bugs and flying creatures
High Tension: The Unknown, Lack of Visibility, Earthquakes, separation, in-fighting
Departure from Reality: creatures that don’t exist – “what we saw was impossible”
Moral Statement: Love thy neighbor, Have faith but do not be a zealot
Anything else you’d like to say about what made this movie a great horror film?
I wouldn’t say it was great at all. It had a few good performances, and the isolation and unknowing at the beginning was the best part – but the creatures were kind of ridiculous and the climax was lackluster and unfulfilling.My Concept:
A. Monster: Sentient Fire Creature (spirit of dead fire chief)
B. Terror: Being trapped, Burning, Asphyxiation, Pain, Death
C. Environment: Skyscraper
D. Victims: Corrupt Builders/Developers
Then combine it with one or more of the Primal Fears.
Fear that something terrible will happen
Fear of pain or torture
Fear of death
Fear of being alone
Fear of going insaneTerrorize The Characters: Characters are burned and disfigured but killed slowly.
Isolation: The characters are all trapped in a skyscraper with no way out. Specific characters are isolated and trapped in stairwells, offices, closets, etc.
Death: Characters are first burned but not killed, then they are killed in various ways including burned alive, asphyxiated, crushed by debris, fall from building, etc.
Monster/Villain: Sentient fire creature possessed by the soul of a dead fire chief
High Tension: Smoke, Spreading fire, no way out, collapsing building
Departure from Reality: Fire is a sentient creature
Moral Statement: Cutting corners for greed puts you and others in danger
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Hi all! My name is Gregg Guest. I’ve written four feature scripts and numerous shorts. I love history and tend to gravitate toward war stories and action/adventure, but I’m trying to branch out into other genres such as Horror, so I am hoping to learn more about the form and how to truly terrorize people.
For a few years I was Director of Special Projects at Marvel Entertainment in NY. Working for Spider-Man wasn’t easy but it was fun!
Looking forward to some good scares 🙂
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