[Daniel Burt]

Dan’s Unique Action

This assignment taught me that rewriting is the real heart of movie making.

Pilot/Scene: The Bridge of WIG – Japan when their initial geothermal vent collapses.

Looking at your entire story, what is unique about each of these places:

Environment: deep ocean trench aboard a submersible city atop a
huge volcano in the seabed when an earthquake hits.

What if…they sprung a leak? Or were dragged beneath the tectonic plates when the vent collapsed? (future episodes?)

Go Opposite.. the seabed and thermal pressures settled into a better and more favorable geothermal vent or several of them.

Rules: geotherms are the lifeline to the vital heat from the
Earth’s core.

Surprising.. in ice age conditions, many of the vents are producing way more heat than anticipated, improving several conditions ship-wide.

Specific to Environment.. a new species of extremophile is schooling near the deepest vents and serves as an excellent food source.

Villains: the ice age, then the earthquake, then immediately gravity,
and every hazard of the submersed city turned at 90°.

Mission: undersea survival operations in an ice age

Struggle: WIG-Japan is incorrectly crewed, provisioned, trained,
and now the entire system is traveling in search of a new heat
source, traveling by an as-yet-untested backup propulsion system.

What haven’t we seen.. an all-hands-on-deck struggle that unabashedly involves anyone aboard, from whatever demographic, everyone who might possibly help them survive this impossible gauntlet.

Unique Skillset: Unfortunately, not in evidence. Revealed in the
trials/episodes ahead.

Meaning: This population is in extremis going forward,
persisting on raw adrenaline, adaptation, and grit.

Allies: Their counterparts are over 4,300 miles distant, in Sydney,
Australia, and aboard SIG 11, in orbit.

Take to an Extreme.. Depressurizing and surfacing in the middle of an ice flow, they discover and take aboard an Inuit family, who have survived in -60 ° conditions for nearly 10 weeks.

Weapons: Equipped with a surprisingly complete arsenal; everything
from melee weapons to sidearms, and torpedoes to tactical nuclear weapons,
cable nets, and combat submarines of various scales.

Tell us about the improvements that you have made: this exercise has improved the already intense baseline conditions of DIG 4 by tying in seemingly disparate storylines and placing exposition for future episodes within the pilot.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Daniel Burt.

[Daniel Burt]

Dan’s Level 3 Action Emotions.

What I learned doing this assignment is that I would love to do this full-time.

SETUP:

S.I.G. (Space Ice Garrison) 11: Already fully stocked and crewed, awaiting the final complement of personnel to run its orbital divisions at 100%. In geosynchronous orbit somewhere midway over Hawaii and California.

Donetta Irving – a 27 y/o Haitian beauty. Pre-ice she was the get-it-done head of logistics for the Tennessee hub of the largest money-making machine on earth: Walmart. In orbit, she is the operations officer and the ultimate instinctive problem-solver for her Space Station, and other nodes scattered around the world within reach of her comsat. Extended living in the station has given Donetta terrible island fever and she searches endlessly (and comically) for ways to stretch out and escape her physical and mental confines. Still counting her vacation days, the Wal-Mart family residing with Apex Survival Inc. receives her regular updates, complete with suggestions for running their business during the “longish winter”.

In this scene, the Ice Age has arrived early, and life on Earth is unraveling fast.

_________

The space visible outside SIG 11’s bridge is strewn with vessels and satellites. Highest-tech monitors are tracking the globe, as chain disasters CUT us in and out of the action on board SIG 11. The human v. ice age scoreboard is grim and dynamic.

SUSPENSE: Donetta stands amid some of the finest scientific minds as they rabidly hypothesize over what’s going on, unable to get a word in. Eyeing the gravitational and magnetic readings, and the ridiculously considered time the techs at the stations were taking with their thoughts, she can’t believe it.

SURPRISE: After being told to “stay calm” complete with a palm gesture by the Science Chief, Donetta quietly directs a young ensign to move them to 5x orbit at maximum speed.

ADRENALINE: The klaxon sounds with the announcement to prepare for emergency movement. Everything is dropped, and the essential crew tether in place. Donetta contacts SIG 9 over South America, asking if they are tracking the Tsunami headed their way from Okinawa. She rapid-fire orders the communications team to create SIG-based cross patches for all emergency signals. She issues an all-call to warn everything airborne to land or move to higher orbits, sharing the readings she’s tracking.

EXCITEMENT: Donetta is getting operational control of the unfolding events when a terrible, numinous CAVITATION sound escapes the planet and a series of unstable gravitropic waves ripple, radiating from the South Pole, like a spoon hitting a bowl of gelatin. Vessels and satellites still at lower elevations are crashing, flung in a flat spin, or torn apart and exploding. The bridge gasps as one as an ARC (Animal Rescue Center) and Space Carrier Group 4 are crushed and twisted in an instant, hanging dead in space.

DANGER: The resulting debris field are moving at a summed velocity of an explosion (5,454 mph) and a geosynchronous orbit (7,000 mph), so 15,000 mph shrapnel storms in every direction from every explosion. Donetta guides the ensign to head at top speed on the current heading.

SUSPENSE: The Science Chief countermands the order as the deadly fields close on them, precipitating an argument with Donetta. She listens and yields to him. They weren’t going to be able to completely dodge the storms, so he changes the heading so that the destructive interference of the storms greatly reduces the damage/number of projectiles that make it to SIG 11. Combined with shifting their shields, the damage is minimal.

RELIEF: A short-lived relief, they slowly reapproach Earth, preparing to take stock of the ongoing global catastrophes.

[Daniel Burt]

Dan’s Level 2 Action Emotions

I learned during this assignment that original shock, surprise, and suspense are tough to create.

SCENE: Jordan gets recruited by the D.I.G. U.S.A. Security and Operations Team during his team’s semi-annual EXEVAL.

Outline:

SETUP: Walking with his PLEX and his TAC Sergeant, Jordan Hendrix enters his briefing room before their EXEVAL. He immediately starts a slide presentation. After explaining the operation’s order, he introduces the head of their new OPFOR team. Jordan heads across the hall to his considerable but spartan office and puts on his gear for the exercise.

SHOCK: The exercise becomes real as the OPFOR is NOT using training rounds or pulling their punches.

SUSPENSE: The series of battles, team on team, with varying outcomes.

SHOCK: Jordan’s TAC Officer is shot multiple times, then recovers. He discovers the OPFOR are using non-lethal munitions.

SUSPENSE: Jordan defeats an OPFOR duo, takes a pistol with rubber rounds, and hunts the OPFOR OIC. An intense side arm-to-hand-to-hand battle ensues.

SURPRISE: Jordan is about to finish him off when the OIC steps back, hand out, and yells ENDEX. Lights come on. In the split second of adjustment to the lights, Jordan has closed the gap and knocks him out. Next, Mr. Sato explains that the OPFOR evaluated them for positions aboard D4. The scene ends with everyone on his team angry, though pleased with their 100K bonus, the half-dead OPFOR limping off, and Mr. Sato, the D4 op & sec team, and Jordan discussing the opportunity to lead D4’s op & sec section.

Draft:

TBP

[Daniel Burt]

Dan’s Level 1 Action Emotions

This assignment taught me that curating emotional throughlines helps answer the question “why do we care?”

INT – MR. SATO’S OFFICE – DAY

In the towering top-floor office of Sato Petrochemicals, Mr. Sato, his daughter, and granddaughter enjoy tea, crumpets, and light conversation. Mr. Sato is the first to notice the sea roiling several miles distant outside the window. He stands immediately, reaching for his cell phone. “Jordan” appears next to a number on the expensive device. He looks back outside, and an ice wall that fills the Okinawan horizon is surfacing.

SATO

(anxiously)

My elevator – right now! Go!

The women look to see the RISING ICE WALL; Cair, hand over mouth GASPS.

EX-WIFE

(staggering into the elevator)

Oh my God.

Mr. Sato joins them in the elevator

SATO

(soberly)

B6 – VOCO.

The elevator responds, and he dials Jordan.

SUBTERRANEAN CAVERN – EST – DAY

Jordan picks up his phone as he walks toward a mine elevator.

SATO

(o.s., cont.)

Jordan, there’s no more time here. The three of us are heading down to B6.

Jordan tears up immediately.

INT – ELEVATOR

The interior of the elevator is now pulsing with red lighting as the facility sets emergency conditions.

JORDAN

(o.s.)

Put them on speaker dad. (beat) I wish there were more time. I love you both with my whole heart; you too dad. (beat, choking up) I will be back to get all of you.

PULSE IN

Trio exiting the elevator on B6 and Mr. Sato going to a console before a screen array and 5 cryo sleep units, the chaos inside the building and the rapidly encroaching ice lend speed to his hands on the KEYS.

SUBTERRANEAN CAVERN – CONT

JORDAN

(looking up the elevator shaft)

Are you in?! Tell me when you make it in.

CUT

SATO

To your beds! Synch up!

The women get in, apply their monitors, then hold hands and begin to calm themselves.

CAIR/EX-WIFE

(in unison)

Green!

Mr. Sato hits a final KEYSTROKE and enters his own bed. His bed closes just after theirs.

(beat)

CUT

EXT – Frame Sato Petrochemicals being engulfed by the ice

CUT

B6 – CONT

The pulsing red light is slowing now.

SUBTERRANEAN CAVERN – CONT

The ELEVATOR SURFACES into a bright, warm day. POV Jordan with his cell to his ear.

SATO

(o.s.)

We’re safe Jordan. We are safe.

Jordan sits inside the elevator as his eyes tear up. He stands, wipes his eyes, and pushes the down button.

In B6, FRAME Mr. Sato’s hand loosely holding his phone as ice moves through the chamber.

[Daniel Burt]

Dan’s Favorite Twists!

What I learned doing this assignment is that adding twists helps to keep this process fun.

Setting – An Elementary School Field Trip in Japan exploring the wonders of their Water Ice Garrison. A kindly grandfather is amongst the chaperones. The vessel is replete with scientists and engineers, civilians, and a precious few ships officers and crew when they are trapped and forced to deploy as-is.

_________________

Safety – Danger

They are only underway for a few weeks when seismic events collapse their current heat vent, forcing them to turn the vessel 90° on end to make it to the next active vent before freezing. Despite cursory preparations, the result is chaos and injury throughout the ship.

Safety – Danger – Safety

The kindly Grandfather is clearly enjoying walking a circular hallway adjacent to an on-board playground with his 5 y/o grandson. Life-sized replicas of sea life hang from the ceiling. He is walking hurriedly towards the public restroom when the announcement to secure for impact blares into their revere. Despite frantic efforts, the pair are unsecured when the tipping begins, and they slide downward – slowly away from the bathroom.

They arrive unharmed at the hallway end (now the floor), grandson amused, grandpa rattled. The grandson reiterates his urgency.

ID Hidden – ID Exposed

The grandfather removes his spectacles. His mien changes, his dress shirt comes off, and he is completely transformed. His muscular frame has a distinctive Yakuza tattoo.

Dodging falling items and struggling fellow passengers, the grandfather struggles back to the restroom by opening lockers and using them as handholds/footholds, the grandson holding on piggyback, using his dress belt around his neck for him to hold on to. The sounds around them are brutal.

Lost Resource – New Resource

They finally make it back to the restroom, only to see the toilets jutting out from the wall at about 6 feet high. (beat)

The grandfather straps his grandson onto the baby changing table now on the “floor”, removes the belt from his neck, straightens it, and unsheathes the spring steel sword it contains. He heads grimly back into the hallway.

Plan Fails – Plan Succeeds

Frame the grandson sitting commode style, in frame of his grandfather’s hand on his, and soothing words. A receding shot reveals the grandfather has cut down a shark replica, cut off its tail, and shoved it into a toilet so that the jaws, face up, are now a seat, funneling into the toilet through its torso.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Daniel Burt.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Daniel Burt.

[Daniel Burt]

Daniel’s Likability/Empathy/Justification

Hero: Jordan Hendrix

What I learned doing this assignment is that every day isn’t a holiday and that I won’t do a great job on every assignment. This draft defines rough.

LIKABILITY/LOVABILITY

A. Other
people like or respect the character:

As a former Army Officer and Head of Security for a Fortune 100 Company, he is respected for both his experience and his competence.

B. The
character shows love for something.

Jordan is a caring leader in every environment and a patient, good-humored teacher/instructor. He is a champion for abused/endangered innocents.

C. They’re
trying to do something good.

Jordan wants to bring excellence and integrity to his work and is working diligently to be there for his daughter and win the heart of his ex-wife, who both reject him.

D. Save
the cat — rescue or do something good for someone else.

A Sigma male, Jordan combats his loneliness not with his many ardent suitors, but with community service for disabled children (an abreaction to his time in Rwanda), his friends from work, and the dojo. He also curates a veteran’s forum online. He personally ensures the children and vets in his circle are getting where they need to during the final weeks and months.

When the Ice Age arrives early, Jordan volunteers to install the foundational water sluice for D.I.G. 4 in the middle of a blizzard with 80 mph winds and – 70 F temperatures so they can get underway. When a small family is in danger of missing the departure, he braves the storm again.

E.
Funny, humorous, witty.

Jordan has brutal, deadpan humor, and a way of insulting leaders to their faces without their awareness.

F. Kindness.

His actions, in the final analysis, are very kind. When confronted by those questioning his motives, though he rarely defends himself, his actions reveal noble character.

G. Good
moral decisions and actions. Being on the right side.

Jordan is blessed with being able to act quickly, morally, and simply in complex scenarios. He gives to the point of making those watching wonder if he eats, sleeps, or considers himself at all.

EMPATHY / DISTRESS

A. Undeserved
misfortune

His PTSD and TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) from the combined effects of the Rwandan genocide and deployments during OIF/OEF (Operation Iraqi Freedom/Operation Enduring Freedom) conspire to give him a host of interpersonal and processing challenges. These precipitate his divorce and his employment as a violence professional.

B. External
Character conflicts.

Estranged ex-wife, co-parenting, low tolerance for both inefficiency and stupidity in leadership/systems.

C. Plot
intruding on life.

Chief Hendrix is making real relationship gains with his daughter when the ice age/global response eclipses their time together. Finally making up with his ex – to the point of entertaining a date – when the ice age arrives several months early and overtakes Okinawa.

D. Moral
dilemmas.

Accepting the position with D4, putting his daughter and ex in cryo, and leaving his father-in-law to fend for himself. Then deciding if the entire population aboard D4 should wait for a single family to traverse the ice basin and board before conditions worsen.

E. Forced
decisions they’d never make:

Leaving without his own family on D4

F. Wound
attacked.

In this instance, attacked by the storm. In rescuing a family seeking to board at the last second, his metallic prosthetic left leg (below the knee) conducts the bitter cold threatening severe frostbite to his upper leg.

JUSTIFICATION

A. The
character or their family abused.

Simply facing a bad hand in life, all around, made impossibly tough by the ice age.

B. Threatened
by others.

Claudette Martz begins insinuating her agents into the D4 leadership team, and throughout every major survival and communication hub.

C. The
Hero is the victim of attacks

As stated above

D. They’ve
suffered major losses.

As stated above

E. The Villain or their representatives have trespassed.

See B, above

2. Organize them into a sequence that happens in the first Act of your script and tell us the story in a concise form (like I did for John Wick and Salt above). <incomplete>

3. Decide which ideas you’d like to keep and add them to your structure/plot/outline. <incomplete>

[Daniel Burt]

Dan’s Story Map

I learned during this assignment that my storyboard is made from the inside out, not come pitch time.

(D.I.G. 4 Season 1 Pilot)

ACT I

In a not-too-distant future, humans attempting to geo-engineer the weather thru H.A.R.P. and other technologies manage to irrevocably damage the NOA (North Atlantic Overcurrent), precipitating an ice age that (models predict) will bring global subarctic temperatures for 900+ years. We. Messed. Up. It was bound to happen. Governments see the inevitable death of the planet approaching, and mankind rallies to defeat it.

Opening

M1 Jordan Hendrix in action as head of Sato Petrochemical’s security team. Poignant and failed interactions with his ex and daughter.

A1 Markus Mohebby sparks world attention via a multi-billion dollar awareness campaign. He accurately predicts three major disasters in succession.

V1 Claudette Martz, an amoral power broker and the 9th wealthiest person in the world as the pilot begins, in a close relationship with the world’s first and oldest AI.

Inciting
Incident

M2 Mr. Sato, Jordan Hendrix’s boss and father-in-law, is an early adopter of Markus Mohebby’s theory. Jordan is called to leave his daughter and ex-wife in Okinawa, and his position as head of security, to manage Mr. Sato’s concerns in America. There, he is later drafted to head the D.I.G. 4 tactical reconnaissance team.

A2 The world plots and plans its survival, with mixed means and motives.

V2 Claudette plots to fully exploit the terrifying events and begins to eliminate like-caliber competitors.

First
Turning Point at end of Act 1

The world is waking up to a terrifying yet quickening reality. It’s an unexpected story of survival, hope, and the resilience of the human spirit. The poignant circumstances and careening storyline – I truly believe – will dumbfound audiences from its smallest survivor to its audacious cinematography. We track multiple amazing groups, each trying to outdistance the cataclysm, each awkwardly confronting a new, outrageous future.

M3 Jordan Hendrix training in Colorado to become D.I.G. 4’s Tactical Security Chief, familiarizing himself with the specialized equipment and standard weaponry of his position, and getting to know his team.

A3 The world understands its plight and is on board. Any activity not at least tangential to addressing the coming ice age is shunned. Real problems begin to rid the world of imaginary ones.

V3 Claudette swings into action, establishing deep, redundant networks and technological advantages.

ACT II

Mid-Point

Dark, gritty, and dramatic at this point in the pilot, we join people amid survival choices where there is “little hope for the eyes”. Although this is to be a series, we will be filming widescreen theatrical in 6K full of deep shadows and emotional haze, as our survivors pass the point of no return in their decisions and deeper into their unknown future. A dark musical score will drive the story forward leaving lasting emotional attachments with the audience. Midway, joy is fleeting, yet real.

M4 Jordan creates a contingency plan with Mr. Sato to place his family in Cryogenic Sleep should the need arise. A three-way rivalry for his team’s leadership heats up, leading to an all-out brawl during training in a subterranean cavern.

A4 The drama of global preparations incites wars, alliances, power struggles, and tightly woven schemes. Secret operations and networks emerge.

V4 Claudette stands up APEX Survival Incorporated, letting nothing and no one dilute her vision.

Second
Turning Point at end of Act 2

Amid a series of immoral betrayals – individuals and groups fear-driven to tear their own survival from others – the ice age begins in earnest 18 weeks early. Nodes near the poles are defeated overnight, with a domino effect on preparations worldwide.

M5 Mr. Sato is forced to enact the backup plan; his father-in-law dies as he delivers the news. Jordan must steel himself, take the reigns of D4, and lead an ad hoc passenger list and his team forward. Escape the looming global ice age and lead the 4,000+ souls aboard D.I.G. 4 to a haven close to the Earth’s core while coordinating with other nodes’ survival efforts.

A5 Death arrives early, and preparations are either inadequate or being adjusted en media res.

V5 Claudette begins nested planning for every foreseeable branch and sequel. She executes her early arrival contingency plan, which involves destroying the entire 5^th Earth Carrier Group and replacing the leadership on the International Moon base.

ACT III

Crisis
Climax

The surviving head into the ice age with who and what they have. As a bitter send-off, Earth has a complete magnetic shift, destroying or maiming structures and vessels everywhere.

M6 Hendrix and his team must reattach the water-sluice system to the main shaft wall in the middle of a blizzard, as the magnetic fluctuations tear it from its moorings.

A6 The magnetic storms 10x worsen the struggles to get underway across the planet.

V6 Claudette welcomes everyone within the A.S.I. footprint by inaugurating her personal army.

Resolution

Humanity takes stock of itself, its resources, personnel, and leadership. With few survival nodes not on the precipice, the regular season begins. Now we must conquer our most nascent and abiding fears; freezing, starving, the dark world beneath us, the oceans crushing depths, the void of space, and a truly raving and desperate mankind.

M7 Hendrix records a message for his daughter and ex-wife, sending them to the cryo-bed server hoping they’ll get them. Flashing back to an image of him ushering a family to safety in Rwanda, he leads the last of the passengers into D4 and seals the door. He joins the crew on the bridge and stands his post.

A7 A bereft and shattered species begins day one of operations in their respective survival modalities.

V7 Claudette entertains the leadership team, power brokers, and wealthy heads of state at an opulent feast in their honor.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Daniel Burt.

[Daniel Burt]

Dan’s Action Structure

I learned during this assignment that a lot of what makes great action so great is creating jaw-dropping beats at structure changes.

(Season 1 Pilot)

ACT I

In a not-too-distant future, humans attempting to geo-engineer the weather thru H.A.R.P. and other technologies manage to irrevocably damage the NOA (North Atlantic Overcurrent), precipitating an ice age that (models predict) will bring global subarctic temperatures for 900+ years. We. Messed. Up. It was bound to happen. Governments see the inevitable death of the planet approaching, and mankind rallies to defeat it.

Opening

Out of nowhere, a multi-billion-dollar ad campaign claiming the world is about to enter a deadly thousand-year ice age eclipses the news cycle. Research in support is shared globally and transparently.

Inciting
Incident

Markus Mohebby, having garnered the world’s spotlight, predicts three disasters in rapid succession, within a few meters and a few minutes.

First
Turning Point at end of Act 1

The world is waking up to a terrifying yet quickening reality. It’s an unexpected story of survival, hope, and the resilience of the human spirit. The poignant circumstances and careening storyline – I truly believe – will dumbfound audiences from its smallest survivor to its audacious cinematography. We track multiple amazing groups, each trying to outdistance the cataclysm, each awkwardly confronting a new, outrageous future.

ACT II

Mid-Point

We join people amid survival choices where there is “little hope for the eyes”. Although this is to be a series, we will be filming widescreen theatrical in 6K full of deep shadows and emotional haze, as our survivors pass the point of no return in their decisions, and deeper into their unknown future. A dark musical score will drive the story forward leaving lasting emotional attachments with the audience. Midway, joy is fleeting, yet real.

Second
Turning Point at end of Act 2

Amid a series of immoral betrayals – individuals and groups fear-driven to tear their own survival from others – the ice age begins in earnest 18 weeks early. Nodes near the poles are defeated overnight, with a domino effect on the preparations worldwide.

ACT III

Crisis
Climax

The surviving head into the ice age with who and what they have. As a bitter send-off, Earth has a complete magnetic shift, destroying or maiming structures and vessels everywhere.

Resolution

Humanity takes stock of itself, its resources, personnel, and leadership. With few survival nodes not on the precipice, the regular season begins. Now we must conquer our most nascent and abiding fears; freezing, starving, the dark world beneath us, the oceans crushing depths, the void of space, and a truly raving and desperate mankind.

“Genius survives; all else is claimed by death.”

– Edmund Spenser

“The ends justify the means.”

– Machiavelli

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Daniel Burt.

[Daniel Burt]

Dan’s Draft of the Action Track

I learned from this assignment that I’ll need to take the “Writing Bingeworthy TV” course after this, but this is a needful prerequisite.

1. Answer the Action Questions:

A.
Considering the concept from Lesson 1, what action could naturally show
up in this movie?

D.I.G. 4 is a spacious venue for all the action categories. Since it has a decidedly uncontained script (subterranean, space, undersea, Earth’s surface, and alien worlds) wielding state-of-the-art human weaponry and vehicles, and those adapted from tools/machines designed to deal with these survival nodes. Also, the Protagonist is a lover of rare and eclectic martial arts. The added input from the ancient Earth races and alien civilizations encountered puts it over the top.

B.
Considering the Mission and Villain Tracks, what action could work for
this track?

Every form of action from the Major Action Categories .pdf works well. Since the aim of this scripted series is a PG-13 rating, intense torture scenes and excessive blood/gore are non-starters.

C.
How can the action start well, build in the 2nd Act, and escalate to a
climax in the 3rd Act?

My answer has to be based on the series pilot, which I haven’t written about much in this course. The 1st act rides the drama of the world’s reactions to the sudden-onset ice age. The 2nd act balances humanity coming to grips with a dark destiny and the gritty fight ahead, human monsters, and vulnerabilities. The 3rd act is “ready or not” shove into the unknown.

2. Select the types of action you’ll use.

At the risk of looking like I’m dodging work, during the D.I.G. 4 series, I can envision using every action type. My heroes, often “average” folks of all descriptions, will fight, plan, improvise, selflessly serve and sacrifice, compete, escape, evade, and otherwise defend their families and fellow travelers. My villains will pursue, sabotage, shoot, stab, blow up, poison, kidnap, interrogate, seduce, and surveil, exploiting every possible amoral means to shape humanity’s future in the galaxy.

3. Sequence the action scenes to deliver your story. Give us your list of action scenes and the purpose of each scene.

<These are broad strokes from the pilot>

Discovery – An Iranian-born citizen of Singapore, 71 years old and wheelchair-bound, Markus Mohebby lost both his legs below the knee as an officer in the 1982 Iran/Iraq war. This self-made billionaire deals in rare earth geology. In 2030, he is the first to sound the alarm for the Ice Age on the international stage. Spending a considerable sum to get the word out, he overcomes scoffers by publicizing and predicting three global disasters in succession.

Purpose – to jolt a very smug humanity and spur them into action. Introduce the calamity-of-scale impacts we’re dealing with (abused natural world as the villain), pressurizing all character’s strengths and flaws.

Machinations – the world plots and plans, as does Claudette Martz. Motives are mixed.

Pilot synopsis(for clarity, as I’ve been addressing different throughlines until now)

‘Global Warming’ proved a misnomer for the planetary ice age it affected. The NAO (North Atlantic Overcurrent) strengthened and expanded until there was constructive interference in the weather patterns of both poles. It was recognized for the threat it was in October 2027, and by March 2028, the whole world knew we were in serious trouble. Thirty months later, the entire planet was uninhabitable.

The human response ran the gamut. Nations galvanized and held summits, resources appeared from secret caches, and all efforts not at least tangential to halting or surviving the ice age were shunned. Countless plans, schemes, and scams emerged, from relocating near the equator, summoning aliens for help, or outlasting the freeze in cryosleep. The wealthy attempted personal solutions, or waxed philanthropic and threw in behind the think tanks and large corporations.

Per usual, most of us leaned on God and government. Some nations tried to change the NAO’s tide, hoping for a global Alaska — cold but livable. Others hedged their bets, working both to stop the freeze and to establish a survivability system elsewhere. Flailing governments acted little better than individuals. For instance, as the hour darkened, China realized it had too few months and resources for its populace and planned to seize all it could not build.

The expected NATO and European alliances held. Japan and Australia joined forces, as discoveries in deep ocean geology suggested that coalition. Hotter climates were contested, as they promised a few more precious months.

When raw panic set in, there simply wasn’t enough space, time, or cooperation. Gaia had her revenge: far too many lay frozen in testimony to our folly. The few eugenicists alive hide their sustainable smiles.

Purpose – to lock conflicts early, against nature and between nations/survival nodes, and to establish protagonists/antagonists. To start the clock for the impossible timetables, only to have the ice age arrive almost four months ahead of predictions. To raise the stakes as bad actors insinuate themselves into positions, pursue selfish ambitions, and exploit others because they can. The audience O.D.’s on adrenaline, good and evil forces are on clear collision courses, and an unhinged day dawns.

Death Arrives Early – survival preparations nearest the poles are cut fatally short, and the four-month encroachment of the ice age hobbles other efforts.

Purpose – Creating drive and drama for the protagonist. Jordan Hendrix must reconcile himself with the fact that his daughter and ex-wife must be placed in cryogenic sleep in Okinawa, halfway across the globe, or perish. He must honor his commitment to those aboard D4, or thousands will die. This gives insight into the hero. Many survival nodes fail outright, and unintended crews with unintended passengers man others (i.e., WIG Japan). Tension builds as opportunists brutalize others for survival, and fights on every scale leave a very diverse moral variety alive to attempt to move into the total freeze or escape Earth entirely.

Survival Nodes Go Operational – or epically fail. As a final insult, the planet has an instantaneous polarity shift, rending many craft attempting to escape orbit and shredding many orbiting too closely—trillions in survival resources burn in. Claudette Martz christens the APEX complex with the arrival of her personal army as D.I.G. 4 begins its descent. ECGs 2 and 3 head into deep space, parting ways just past an inchoate international Moon base. Critical roles start to solidify, and those that can, do.

Purpose – the cliffhanger leading into the regular season; buckle up.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Daniel Burt.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Daniel Burt.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Daniel Burt.

[Daniel Burt]

Lesson 4

Dan’s Villain Track

What I learned doing this assignment is that writing out the lesson notes manually solves the initial problems even as I copy them over. I had to constantly stop writing to take notes of the unfolding track and its details.

For what follows, please remember that this is for a scripted series, and the tracks flow a little differently as the villain contends with more than just my main hero. Thanks.

A. What might be the Villain’s plan to accomplish an evil outcome or to annihilate the hero?

Claudette Martz’s machinations are mostly pre-planned. She establishes a deep network during the world’s rush for survival. By the time the freeze becomes global, she holds sway within every survival node and virtually all human communication across the galaxy. She doesn’t develop enmity for Jordan Hendrix personally until he becomes a thorn in her side, which precipitates many in-the-moment plans.

B. How many ways can the Villain attack or destroy the hero?

I have brainstormed these, but I’m reticent to reveal specifics apart from what appears below with the tags. Claudette is amoral, the wealthiest individual in history, sports a 160+ IQ, and has a system in place to monitor and steer outcomes for all of humanity extant.

C. What advantage does the Villain have and how can they exploit that in this movie?

Claudette has had a singularly unique relationship with technology since her childhood, which leverages her capability and speed of implementing decisive action 10-fold. This is compounded by her wealth and the numerous world-class experts it affords her.

D. What would be a “fitting end” for this Villain?

After dismantling her empire, she is in a tiny prison permanently cut off from everything she craves and provided only crude necessities. Her human contact is limited to clergy and counselors striving to rehabilitate her, and she is under non-stop surveillance.

MISTAKE: Claudette’s plan a) first involves undermining
any opposition to her master plan across all humanity. Failing that, b) she
is content to hobble or even eliminate entire survival nodes to avoid
rebellion later. Her mistake is in not destroying Jordan Hendrix quickly
and impersonally, as his personal strengths and leadership are her
ultimate undoing.

DILEMMA: While learning who the Hero is through attempting a)
and b) above, she starts to be drawn to him – altruistic, handsome,
caring, and yet maddeningly unavailable to her. Echoes of a father who
left her painfully alone. Her dilemma is 4-pronged:

How to stop DIG 4 without
harming Jordan Hendrix?
How to draw J.H. to herself?
How to kindle a relationship,
and preserve him physically as she will be preserved so they can reign
together forever?
(Spoilers)

DECISION/KILL HIM? /KILL HIS MISSION?
/THWART HIS AID TO OTHER NODES: Claudette
determines that his survival is needful, the state of his body is
negotiable, and lives around him are valuable only if indispensable to her
plan, and later if harming them would arouse Jordan’s displeasure. These
decisions have the effect of mildly retraining Claudette’s amoral code.
Everything else is still on the table. She can maim him, kill nearly
everyone else concerned, and cause mission failure(s) for D.I.G. 4. She surreptitiously
demonizes him in the eyes of the world and thwarts his plans when he seeks
to aid others.

CAPTURE: A team is sent by Claudette to D4 purportedly to obtain
a rare earth mineral logged by the D4 crew on its descent. The team
arrives, precipitates a disaster, and the APEX team, Jordan, and one of
his Terranauts are cut off and knocked out. Jordan awakes in the APEX compound
and learns he can’t return anytime soon.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>ESCAPE: The delay and its justification wear thin, and
over several episodes, Jordan and his Terranaut teammate escape, inciting
rage in Claudette for his rejection of her many-layered overtures.

RETALIATION: Claudette, in a rare emotional response, prematurely activates
several sleeper agents aboard D4, yet yearns for him more than ever. It
also marks the first time she spurns her closest ally.

THE COUPE: Shortly after establishing a haven for D4 nearer the Earth’s
core, Jordan learns the extent of the betrayals from Claudette. Jordan
plans in concert with the other remaining nodes and allies within the APEX
perimeter, facilitated by a new, secure means of communicating. He sets
out with a company-sized unit to overthrow the evil power hub (a lot is
left out here).

ESCAPE PLAN: Claudette and her chief ally escape via underground
rail to her vast personal luxury bunker. It is designed to be failsafe and
has manual means of operation, capable of sustaining them indefinitely.

FITTING ENDING: Jordan’s team breaches the bunker, driving
Claudette into a small safe room. Her partner is defeated, and they turn
this into the “fitting end” segregation cell (as capital punishment has
been outlawed globally in the crisis) described at the beginning of the
assignment.

[Daniel Burt]

Dan’s Hero’s Mission Track

What I learned doing this assignment is that scriptwriting is as much tradecraft as creative work. Since D.I.G. 4 is a scripted series, it has been helpful to begin pulling apart the throughlines for the hub location and each branch location (space, sea, and surface survival nodes) separately. Organic comic relief has begun to percolate too.

1. Ask the Mission Track questions to discover your Hero’s mission.

Q1: What about this Hero that will have them go straight into the face of the overwhelming odds?

A1: Jordan Hendrix’s military and civilian careers consist in doing just that. He is someone always interested in being part of the solution, qualifying himself accordingly. The drive to head into danger is writ large by the knowledge that he must survive to eventually fight his way back to Okinawa to revive his family from cyro sleep.

Q2: What is the mission that would be an impossible goal?

A2: In order; to respond quickly and well to a sudden-onset global ice age, to ensure the survival of his family, to spearhead the D.I.G. 4 gauntlet in reaching temperature and life stabilization nearer the Earth’s core, to battle humans, ancient races, and life forms en route. This backdrop includes the unforeseen and changing environs, resource challenges, communication challenges, the families in tow, well-resourced saboteurs and assassins, and then having to return topside with an elite team to overthrow the great evil ensconced there. Oh, and retrieve his daughter and ex-wife.

Q3: What strong internal and external motivation could drive the hero?

A3: Externally, everything already cited in A1 & A2, above. Internally, his PTSD-born hypervigilance to protect innocents and his heart’s dream of reuniting with his ex and daughter. What he most wants is the chance to be a better husband and father.

Q4: Imagine that mission playing out across a story. What could naturally happen if this hero went on this mission against this villain?

A4: Out-resourced and outgunned by Claudette Martz and APEX Inc., Jordan would need to adopt a guerilla mindset. He must meet all challenges resourcefully, and courageously, and leverage surprise, passion, and leadership.

2. Use the Mission Steps to outline the mission.

Clear Mission: Escape the global ice age and lead D4 (crew and family of 4,101 souls, animals, and plant life) to a stable haven closer to the Earth’s core, while assisting other survival nodes to do the same. Once accomplished, he must return to the surface if he is to redeem a future for his family.

Motivation: Human motivations ran the gamut. Nations galvanized and held summits, resources appeared from secret caches, and all efforts not at least tangential to halting or surviving the ice age were shunned. Countless plans, schemes, and scams emerged, from relocating near the equator, to summoning aliens for help, to outlasting the freeze in cryosleep. The very wealthy attempted personal solutions, or waxed philanthropic and threw in behind the think tanks and large corporations.

Per usual, most of us leaned on our respective deities and governments. Some nations tried to change the tide of the NAO, with the hope of a global Alaska — cold but livable. Others hedged their bets, working both to stop the freeze, and to establish a survivability system elsewhere. Flailing governments acted little better than individuals. China, for instance, as the hour darkened, realized it had too few months and resources for its populace, and planned to seize all it could not build. The world saw this coming and was ready.

Japan and Australia joined forces, as discoveries in deep ocean geology suggested that coalition. The expected NATO and European alliances held. Hotter climates were contested, as they promised a few more precious months.

When raw panic set in there simply wasn’t enough space, time, or cooperation. Gaia had her revenge: far too many lay frozen in testimony to our folly. The few eugenicists alive hide their sustainable smiles.

Inciting Incident: ‘Global Warming’ proved a misnomer for the planetary ice age it affected. After considerable human meddling, the NAO (North Atlantic Overcurrent) strengthened and expanded until there was constructive interference in the weather patterns of both poles. It was recognized for the threat it was in October 2027, and by March 2028, the whole world knew we were in serious trouble. 31 months later, the entire planet was uninhabitable.

First Action: In the middle of training in Colorado to become D.I.G. 4’s head of security, Jordan must enact his contingency plan to put his family in cryosleep when the ice overwhelms Japan three months sooner than anticipated.

Obstacle: The guarded global optimism starts to unravel when the timeline collapses and plans, coordination, and leadership freeze in place across the planet.

Escalation: Claudette Martz has installed an elaborate system of APEX agents, surveillance, and counter-operation orders to control and/or eliminate opposition to her vision for the ice age and beyond.

Overwhelming Odds: With the contraction of the timeline, trained experts are sometimes reassigned, and understudies are given leadership roles. An extreme example, in Japan, the trained-and-ready crew of this Japanese W.I.G.(Water Ice Garrison) “misses the boat”, and the scientists, techies, nerds, geeks, security team, and government pencil-pushers preparing it for launch are those aboard when it has to shove off three months early. Utilizing only the manuals, and creating procedures while underway, they show true grit in the crucible of the deep sea. Due to seismic shifts, this small W.I.G. must not only relocate from its intended primary geothermal heat source on the ocean floor, but tectonic plate movements have rendered plan “B” and “C” and “D” thermal moorings unserviceable. To survive they must rig their thrusters to propel them rapidly at a 90-degree angle along a series of smaller, only temporarily sufficient volcanoes until teaming up with their counterparts moored along the strong geothermal activity near Australia. This means they must navigate and function in a world stood-on-its-side for 14 months. The consequences? Exceptional fitness, agility, dexterity, and discipline; many traumas and injuries, and great difficulty in reverting to normal orientation later. Several bouts with an extreme cold have occurred due to arriving late at the next geotherm, leaving them all predisposed to cold weather injuries in the middle of an ice age.

Twist: Jordan’s daughter, Care Hendrix, under orders from his friend and former boss Sato (titular head of Sato Petrochemicals), has Care’s cryo bed moved aboard ECG 2 (Earth Carrier Group) when he believes the power hub for his private cryo chambers are failing.

New Plan: The “New Plan” sets the ad hoc remnant of the plan and its proposed leadership loose in this unhinged reality.

Full-out Attack: After leading D.I.G. 4 to a new home, – Jack learns the extent of Claudette’s betrayals, and leads a force back to overthrow Claudette and her Apex government. He must return to the brutal cold of the surface with only a company-sized elite force and wage a successful coup.

Success: Post-victory, Jordan finds his ex-wife, and they leave behind the new Earth leadership aboard a repurposed APEX carrier on a mission to resupply ECG 2 and its burgeoning colony and reunite with Care.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  Daniel Burt.

[Daniel Burt]

Dan’s Hero and Villain

I learned that this process unleashes creativity, and problem-solving is now an enjoyable puzzle.

Concept:

1. Hero Morally Right: Jordan Hendrix serves the everyday families escaping the ice age in D.I.G. 4 and preserves humanity bravely and ethically.

2. Villain Morally Wrong: Claudette Martz dispenses with everyone according to their utility within her quest for ultimate wealth and power. She richly embodies Machiavellian cunning with whatever circumstances present themselves.

Hero – Jordan Hendrix

A. Unique Skill Set: Former Army CID (Criminal Investigation Division) Warrant Officer, highly skilled interrogator, and a mixed martial artist with a passion for obscure martial arts, weaponry, and practices. His civilian career leading the security team for a large Japanese petrochemical company completes his knowledge of cutting-edge weapons and tactics.

B. Motivation: Safeguard and nurture the lives entrusted to him onboard North America’s DIG 4. Survive to someday resurface and revive his daughter and ex-wife from a cryogenic facility in Okinawa.

C. Secret or Wound: His service during the Rwandan genocide left him with significant PTSD, a hyper-vigilance in protecting women and children, which often presents as controlling. He vacillates between those feelings and an inner vow never to be helpless to stop evil from harming innocents again. Failures that are reminiscent bring him very low for a long time.

Villain – Claudette Martz

A. Unbeatable: She has a 160+ IQ and puts the Diablo in diabolical. Claudette is a 50-is-the-new-35 looker and, thanks to murderous machinations during the preparations for the ice age, has moved from the 9th most wealthy person in the world to the 1st, with corresponding means and networks. She has access to a world of advantages and augmentations unseen until now.

B. Plan/Goal: To live forever as the beloved and benevolent Queen of the emerging human paradigm – but first things first.

C. What they lose if the Hero Survives: Just as he overcomes the vicissitudes Claudette sends against him and his charges throughout the series, Jordan will dismantle her entire dynasty once he learns the truth about the Earth Carrier Groups and his daughter(spoiler).

Impossible Mission

A. Puts Hero in Action: At the end of Season 4, after finally leading D.I.G. 4 to a safe and sustainable haven – a new home – Jack learns he must lead a force back to overthrow Claudette and her Apex government.

B. Demands They Go Beyond Their Best: Jack must return to the brutal cold of the surface with only a company-sized elite force and wage a successful coup.

C. Destroy the Villain: Intelligence escaping the APEX compound reveals that Claudette may be nigh unbeatable if even reaching her is possible. An ingenious and selfless plan brings Jack and his team to the proving grounds.

(Okay – lots of spoilers unspoken in this assignment. This process uncorks the imagination)

• This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  Daniel Burt.

[Daniel Burt]

Subject: Dan’s Conventions

What I learned doing this assignment is to meet the genre conventions for intense action within a sci-fi series.

Concept: D.I.G. 4 chronicles humanity’s response to a sudden-onset ice age. Every episode is set in extremis.

Action Conventions:

1. Hero:

(Main Protagonist) Jordan Hendrix: The bald 40-something former Army Warrant Officer and Personal Security OIC of Sato Petrochemicals. Later, as second in command aboard D.I.G. 4 (Domestic Ice Garrison 4), he teaches physical security in the on-board elementary, junior high, and high schools. His wife and daughter are in cryosleep, ostensibly in Japan. His familiar is a giant rat named Ray. The Terranauts evolve under his leadership and adapt their specialized tunneling equipment and conventional arms to become an elite subterranean force.

2. Mission:

For ages, we’ve explored our universe from a place of relative safety. Now a truly raving and desperate humanity must stake its claim in the crushing ocean depths, the faceless void of space, or the dark world beneath.

3. Demand(s) for Action:

A sudden-onset ice age, the strains of leadership, the safety of everyone aboard D.I.G. 4 as it bores towards the relative warmth of Earth’s core, battling human and ancient earth races, and the perils of the subterranean world itself (if the Earth were an apple, humanity hasn’t even broken its skin with our deepest digs). Compounding everything, Jordan’s 15-year-old daughter, Care, entered cryosleep half a world away in Japan alongside his ex-wife only to awaken in space, transferred to the 3rd ECG (Earth Carrier Group) in the interval when the ice threatened to overwhelm Japan.

4. Antagonist:

(Main Antagonist) Claudette Martz, Founder of A.S.I. (Apex Survival, Inc): Her de facto reign is predicated upon placing the most potent bloodlines within a single enormous perimeter, each having both discreet and common high-end resources for enduring and thriving during the frozen millennium. Within this keep, she wields her fortune and dark influence, amassing vast power in the intervening years between 2029 (announcement of the crisis) and 2032 (frozen earth). Self-possessed, her proletariat vision is to control the ruling caste throughout mankind’s burgeoning galactic footprint.

5. Escalating Action:

The first season winnows down survivors, challenges preparations woefully inadequate to the task at hand, and fields disasters in the form of combat, disease, mechanical failures, scarcity, and catastrophes beyond the ice, and shares the intense pressures placed on human hearts and minds (and bodies) as they adapt to new norms that are anything but ordinary. By the final episode of Season 1, S.I.G.s (Space Ice Garrisons) and the deep-space carrier groups are the only ones not left cliff-hanging near total failure.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  Daniel Burt.

[Daniel Burt]

Hello, Everyone

I’m Daniel Burt (Dan). I’m a disabled Army officer reinventing myself as a writer/screenwriter. I’ve mostly done pre-production work (one-sheets, treatments, pitch packages, and production books). My treatments have opened a few notable doors. I’ve completed an animated feature with my oldest son (it turns out animation is action-heavy), and I want to continue developing a high-action scripted sci-fi series. I hope to improve my tradecraft and become more prolific.

Unusual? The first treatment attempt I ever made (a bastardized effort written the night before it was due to Netflix) was given to a producer who later went missing. It was reportedly favorably considered by the CEO. Two months later, I learned he was in a Mexican prison for smuggling cocaine (“moving weight”). When I circled back to Netflix, absent his representation, they responded like I was trying to kick down the door.

I’m hoping that meant my scriptwriting doesn’t suck.

I look forward to getting to know you and to this class.

v/r, Dan

• This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  Daniel Burt.

[Daniel Burt]

I, Daniel Burt, Agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Daniel Burt]

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[Daniel Burt]

Gritty!

[Daniel Burt]

Hey Mark, IDK if we’re supposed to do more than give a thumbs up, but I’d watch the heck out of that. Great role for any female lead.