[Heather Hood]

Hi Pam, I’ll partner with you.

heather13hood@gmail.com

horror/drama

Let me know and I’ll send you my file. Send me yours when you’re ready. Looking forward to reading it.

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s Fascinating Outline

Heather’s Vision: I want to see my scripts optioned this year and turned into movies that the audience will remember long after they leave the theatre.

What I learned from doing this assignment: some of the beats had no conflict and really very little drama. They were just things happening. So to go through the entire script and cut them out was a BIG DEAL. But I could add others that made more sense.

Scene 4

Beginning- Sarah comes back in the kitchen to find Becky has pulled out the paints after her Mom has told her she can’t play with them – they are coated in red, the sheets are coated in red- just like blood.

Middle – Sarah freaks out, loses her temper and banishes the kids outside. Now she has to rewash everything.

Ending- Sarah tells herself to pull up her big girl panties and deal with things like a grown up before child services takes her children away from her.

Version 2

Beginning-Character changes radically- rage Becky knows her Mom washes other people’s laundry and she’s just wrecked it.

Middle- Major twist Showdown between Sarah and Becky

Ending- Suspense Will this be the straw that breaks Sarah’s back?

5 EXT: BACKYARD – DAY

Becky wants payback. She drags Lila into the woods to see her “secret” place: a dark hollow where Becky leaves trinkets, and something leaves gifts in return.

Beginning– Becky is angry at her Mom. She decides to take that anger out on her sister. Disregarding the order to stay out of the forest, she shows her sister her ’secret place’.

Middle- Kids frolicking down the forest path toward a spooky shaded clearing, being followed by a shadowy hulking creature.

Ending- The kids play in a mushroom fairy ring. Lila picks a mushroom to offer to ‘The Shadow Man’. Lila eats the mushroom and has a seizure. Becky panics and runs away.

Version 2

Beginning- scheming. Becky sulks. Decides to get rid of her sister to get back at her mother.

Middle- plan in action. Becky drags a whining Lila along the forest trail to a spooky clearing where Becky has hidden dolls and blankets.

Ending- surprise- the girls play in a mushroom ring offering mushrooms to the ‘Shadow Man’ to take them away from their angry mother and he steps out of the shadows and takes Lila away. Becky screams and bolts, leaving Lila to her fate.

8 EXT:BACKYARD – CON’T

· Sarah freaks and runs outside screaming Lila’s name.

· The neighbors ask what’s wrong and Sarah tells them. One of the neighbors, an uptight busybody who criticizes everyone tells Sarah it’s all her fault.

· Sarah tells her to go to hell.

· Her husband tells her to go inside, then says he’ll go search the woods.

Beginning – Sarah runs into the backyard screaming Lila’s name. She can’t bring herself to enter the forest – her fear of the woods is too strong.

Middle – the neighbors (the Grubers) come running. Mrs. Grubber criticizes Sarah for leaving her daughter unattended, Sarah snaps and tells her to mind her own business.

Ending- Mr Gruber steps in to make peace and sends his wife away. He tells Sarah he’ll go look for Lila.

Version 2

Beginning – Betrayal – Sarah drags Becky to the edge of the woods and tells her to go find her sister. She was supposed to be watching her.

Middle– Mislead (?) Mrs. Gruber (Who’s never had children) sticks her nose in and scolds Sarah for yelling at Becky and making her responsible for her sister etc…

Ending- suspense Mr. Gruber interferes as the other neighbors arrive to see what all the fuss is about. He takes Becky with him so they can look for Lila and tells Sarah to call Sheriff Harper.

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s Essense requirements

Vision statement: I want to see my scripts optioned this year and turned into movies that the audience will remember long after they leave the theatre.

I only included the first Act as the outline is now up to 10 pages.

INT: KITCHEN – DAY

1950’S kitchen strewn with hanging laundry. Sarah, harried, is trying to make pancakes for her two girls.

The oldest (Becky -6-) is fighting with her mother. The youngest (Lila -3-) won’t stop crying.

The phone rings. Her husband is on the phone: he’s not coming home. Seems the ‘logging camp’ where he’s been living is named Ruby and he’s going to start a new life

with her.

Scene arc- things go from bad to worse.

Conflict- Sarah and her daughter Becky. Also Sarah and her husband.

Essence- Sarah doubts her skills as a mother.

Fear – How will Sarah provide for her children now? Sarah is terrified her children will be taken away from her because of Lila’s illness and Becky’s belligerence.

Subtext- Sarah was placed in foster care after her brother died while she was looking after him. She can’t get over that hurdle.

Opening – Sarah doing laundry: a perfectionist marathon. Sarah’s Emotional Beat 1 – Betrayal.

Let’s explore the intriguing moments of Sarah’s backstory and how this fits with her husband’s betrayal.

-Sarah’s brother died when she was looking after him. She blames herself for his death and everything that happened afterward – that she had to go into foster care.

– in her mind her parents didn’t want her, she wasn’t perfect. Now she overcompensates by being a perfectionist.

– But it isn’t working. She isn’t good enough. The kids aren’t good enough and the house is a mess. (It isn’t really)

– It doesn’t matter because now her world has crashed and she’s a single mother of 2, with an epileptic toddler and a jealous 6-year-old who knows how to push all her buttons.

Sarah’s big secret/cover up is she’s sure social services are going to come and rip her children away. She’s determined to make sure that doesn’t happen.

Beat 2

On the radio a story play about the Harrison Lake Sasquatch throwing rocks at some local fishermen. Scary music. And screaming – REVEAL ONE – BUILD UP – JOE’S FATHER IS REALLY THE SHADOW MAN

Beat 3

Becky wants to paint. Sarah says no. Becky has a hissy fit.

Beat 4

The doorbell rings. Sarah answers.

INT/EXT: FRONT DOORWAY – DAY

Joe Green going door to door with a cooler of salmon.

Sarah would dearly love a salmon but doesn’t have the money.

Joe sees she’s having a rough day and gives one to her free.

Scene Arc—takes Sarah
from hopeless to a tiny ray of light coming through.
Essence- to establish
Joe as a man she can trust.
Conflict- Sarah is still
wary of men.
Subtext- Joe is trying
to be seen as someone helpful
Hope/fear– Sarah is
scared she won’t be able to provide for her family.

Establishing Joe as a caring and empathetic individual, in contrast to the things Harper is about to say.

Beat 6

EXT: STREET – DAY

Harper watches Joe give Sarah a salmon and decides to arrest Joe for selling salmon off the reservation.

Harper cruising by arrests Joe, Emotional beat 3 – Harper taking his anger at the loss of his promotion out on Joe.

Scene Arc- from an innocent act
on Joe’s part to Harper just being a jerk because he can be.
Essence—establishing Harpers
vindictive character.

Conflict – establishing the animosity
between Harper and Joe

Subtext- Harper is taking out his
anger at being passed over for a promotion on Joe, simply because they
have a history between them.

Hope/fear- Joe
is going to be arrested, No one ever listens to the Indian’s side of things.

What’s going on here? Why is this cop so angry at this Indian guy? Is it really about selling fish off the reservation?

It’s really about an argument Joe and Harper had years ago that made Harper look bad and wrecked his chances for a promotion – A secret only Harper, Joe and Harper’s CO know about.

Beat 7

INT: KITCHEN – DAY

Becky pulled out the paints anyways. Lila spills paint all over her dress and the clean sheets. Sarah goes ballistic and throws the kids outside telling them to stay out of the woods. Sarah overreacts because of the phone call. Emotional beat 4

Sarah realizes she’s lost it big time and needs to calm down. In her mind Social Services are already watching her (Conspiracy), paranoia.

Scene Arc- Sarah loses her temper
and has a melt down and a good cry. She needs to get herself under
control.
Essence- Doing others’ laundry is
her only means of income. She’s got to find a way to look after her
children,
Conflict- Sarah and Becky are
always at loggerheads.
Subtext- deep inside she feels
she’s just not worthy.
Hope/fear- She fears she will never be perfect and
she’ll kill her children the way she killed her brother.

Beat 8

EXT: BACKYARD – DAY

Becky wants payback. She drags Lila into the woods to see her “secret” place: a dark hollow where Becky leaves trinkets, and something leaves gifts in return.

Scene Arc-The children move from
a safe haven into a mysterious place.

Essence- Becky’s jealousy for her
sister becomes clear.

Conflict- Becky wants to get rid
of her sister.

Subtext- with her epilepsy, Lila
gets more of her mother’s attention. Becky resents that.
Hope/fear-
Becky wants to be an only child, she just doesn’t’ want to get blamed for
anything that happens to Lila.

Beat 9

EXT: FOREST – DAY

The ‘shadow man’ watches, a dark blurry figure following behind them. REVEAL 2 HE WATCHES THEM PLAY IN A FAIRY RING OF MUSHROOMS. LILA LEAVES ONE AS A GIFT TO THE SHADOW MAN

Beat 10

INT; KITCHEN – DAY

Inciting Incident – Lila disappears.

Becky wanders in looking for something to drink. Sarah asks where Lila is. Becky is reluctant to tell her.

Sarah shakes
her. Becky says the Shadow Man took her.

EXT:BACKYARD – CON’T

Sarah freaks and runs outside screaming Lila’s name.

The neighbors ask what’s wrong and Sarah tells them. One of the neighbors, an uptight busybody who criticizes everyone tells Sarah it’s all her fault.

Sarah tells her to go to hell.

Her husband tells her to go inside, then says he’ll go search the woods.

Scene Arc – Sarah goes from calm
to hysterical, to angry.

Essence- things are playing out
just the way Sarah feared they would.

Conflict- The neighbor doesn’t
like Sarah because she’s raising her children ‘wrong’
Subtext- The neighbor insinuates
Sarah is a loose woman who can’t keep her husband at home.

Hope/fear- Sarah has no idea what the ‘Shadow Man’ is
and thinks Lila might already be dead.

Beat 11

EXT: THE HOLLOW – DAY

Searchers find a long clump of black hair at the hollow.

INT: KITCHEN – EVENING

Hours later Becky tells her mother she’s happy her sister is gone.

Sarah begins to think she’s losing it. Are there really people watching her? Was it Social Services taking away her daughter. She can’t say anything to anyone about this secret or they’ll take Becky too.

Scene Arc- Sarah’s mental health is taking a nosedive and she has to find a way to cope,

Essence- We begin to see how selfish Becky really is – NOT average 6-year-old selfish, but twisted selfish.

Conflict-. Sarah wonders how she can possibly hate her oldest daughter for what she’s done.

Subtext- What’s going on with Becky? Or what happened to Becky….?

Hope/fear- Did she miss something happening to Becky because she was so focused on managing Lila’s epilepsy?

Beat 12

INT: KITCHEN – EVENING

Harper doesn’t seem too worried about the girl he’s sure it was Joe Green. He was there just this morning. Sarah shouldn’t worry her pretty little head about it. Thank you, ma’am, for the coffee.

Scene Arc- Sarah goes from relief to disbelief.

Essence- The law is corrupt and won’t do a thing.

Conflict – Harper doesn’t take Sarah seriously or doesn’t really care.

Subtext- Harper’s problems are more important than Sarah’s.

Hope/fear- No one is going to help Sarah find her daughter.

Beat 13

EXT: BACKYARD – EVENING

Sarah despises Harpers condescending attitude toward her. Sarah -grief, terror, fear her children will be taken away by S.S. Emotional beat 5

to show Harper what she’s made of and decides to find Lila on her own, despite her terror of the forest.

The fear of losing her children is stronger than her terror of the forest.

Scene Arc- Sarah goes from terror to determination.

Essence- if no one will help me, I’ll do it on my own.

Conflict-. Sarah’s conflict is internal: she is overcoming her fears.

Subtext- Sarah doesn’t have a high opinion of men. Especially those in authority.

Hope/fear- Sarah hopes her determination will be enough to overcome her phobia.

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s intrigue opportunities

Vision statement: I want to see my scripts optioned this year and turned into movies that the audience will remember long after they leave the theatre.

What I learned from doing this assignment: once you get the character’s traits and emotional beats ironed out, there is lots of opportunity for intrigue. The story naturally builds itself.

Act 1 Beat 1

Opening – Sarah doing laundry: a perfectionist marathon. Sarah’s husband on the phone: he’s not coming home. Seems the ‘logging camp’ where he’s been living is named Ruby. Emotional Beat 1 – Betrayal.

Heather’s intrigue opportunities

Vision statement: I want to see my scripts optioned this year and turned into movies that the audience will remember long after they leave the theatre.

What I learned from doing this assignment: once you get the character’s traits and emotional beats ironed out, there is lots of opportunity for intrigue. The story naturally builds itself.

The new comments are italic and bolded.

Act 1 Beat 1

Opening – Sarah doing laundry: a perfectionist marathon. Sarah’s husband on the phone: he’s not coming home. Seems the ‘logging camp’ where he’s been living is named Ruby. Emotional Beat 1 – Betrayal.

Let’s explore the intriguing moments of Sarah’s backstory and how this fits with her husband’s betrayal.

-Sarah’s brother died when she was looking after him. She blames herself for his death and everything that happened afterward – that she had to go into foster care.

– in her mind her parents didn’t want her, she wasn’t perfect. Now she overcompensates by being a perfectionist.

– But it isn’t working. She isn’t good enough. The kids aren’t good enough and the house is a mess. (It isn’t really)

– It doesn’t matter because now her world has crashed and she’s a single mother of 2, with an epileptic toddler and a jealous 6-year-old who knows how to push all her buttons.

Sarah’s big secret/cover up is she’s sure social services are going to come and rip her children away. She’s determined to make sure that doesn’t happen.

Beat 2

On the radio a story play about the Harrison Lake Sasquatch throwing rocks at some local fishermen. Scary music. And screaming – REVEAL ONE – BUILD UP – JOE’S FATHER IS REALLY THE SHADOW MAN

Beat 3

Becky wants to paint. Sarah says no. Becky has a hissy fit.

Beat 4

The doorbell rings. Sarah answers.

Beat 5

Joe Green going door to door with a cooler of salmon. Sarah wants one. Joe sees she’s upset, gives it to her free. Hint to a further relationship between them. Emotional beat 2.

Establishing Joe as a caring and empathetic individual, in contrast to the things Harper is about to say.

Beat 6

Harper cruising by arrests Joe, Emotional beat 3 – Harper taking his anger at the loss of his promotion out on Joe.

What’s going on here? Why is this cop so angry at this Indian guy? Is it really about selling fish off the reservation?

It’s really about an argument Joe and Harper had years ago that made Harper look bad and wrecked his chances for a promotion – A secret only Harper, Joe and Harper’s CO know about.

Beat 7

Back in the kitchen Becky pulls out the paints anyways. Lila spills paint all over her dress and the clean sheets. Sarah goes ballistic and throws the kids outside telling them to stay out of the woods. Sarah overreacts because of the phone call. Emotional beat 4

Sarah realizes she’s lost it big time and needs to calm down. In her mind Social Services are already watching her (Conspiracy), paranoia.

Beat 8

Becky wants payback. She drags Lila into the woods to see her “secret” place: a dark hollow where Becky leaves trinkets, and something leaves gifts in return.

Beat 9

The ‘shadow man’ watches, a dark blurry figure following behind them. REVEAL 2 HE WATCHES THEM PLAY IN A FAIRY RING OF MUSHROOMS. LILA LEAVES ONE AS A GIFT TO THE SHADOW MAN

Beat 10

Inciting Incident – Lila disappears.

Beat 11

Searchers find a long clump of black hair at the hollow. Hours later Becky tells her mother it was the “Shadow Man”, happy her sister is gone.

Sarah begins to think she’s losing it. Are there really people watching her? Was it Social Services taking away her daughter. She can’t say anything to anyone about this secret or they’ll take Becky too.

Beat 12

Harper doesn’t seem too worried about the girl he’s sure it was Joe Green. He was there just this morning. Sarah shouldn’t worry her pretty little head about it.

Beat 13

Sarah despises Harpers condescending attitude toward her. Sarah -grief, terror, fear her children will be taken away by S.S. Emotional beat 5

to show Harper what she’s made of and decides to find Lila on her own, despite her terror of the forest.

The fear of losing her children is stronger than her terror of the forest.

Act 2 Beat 6

Midpoint Turning Point – Sarah gets hopelessly lost. She didn’t bring food or water. Not even a compass or map.

Act 2 Beat 1

Turning Point – Sarah has to find Lila before she needs her next dose of Phenobarbital. They’ve got 20 hours

Act 2 Beat 2

Sarah rallies the neighbors. They search the surrounding forest. Long black hairs are found in the kids secret hollow.

Harper says they’re Joe’s. The neighbors say they’re the legendary bigfoots. The CO’s say they’re bears

Act 2 Beat 3

The CO let’s Joe out of holding

Act 2 Beat 4

New plan: Sheriff Harper goes after Joe Green. He sets a plan in motion to capture the drifter. He loads his truck with weapons, ammunition, and a bear trap. Harper- cold fury at his CO. Plans to frame him for poaching. Emotional beat 6

Let’s talk a bit about Harper’s back story. Long ago Harper and Joe used to be hunting buddies. That was before they had an argument over a bear. It seems fitting to Harper that he frames his CO for bear poaching because he took Joe’s side in the argument over his partner in the force. Especially since his CO still seems to hold a grudge against him. Harper is scheming.

Act 2 Beat 5

Plan in action: Sarah decides shadows all look threatening and she’s having panic attacks. Somethings following her.

Act 2 Beat 7

By nightfall everyone’s looking for her. The shadows come alive. She spends the night in a tree. She thinks she’s safe until something attacks. Sarah – terror as something attacks her in the tree. Emotional beat 7

Act 2 Beat 8

The next morning, she stumbles across a creek where she runs into a bear that attacks.

Act 2 Beat 9

Joe Green tracks her down and chases the bear off.

Sarah mentions to Joe she can’t believe anything Harper has said about him, since he’s risked his life to save her. Joe just shrugs her words off, like their relationship is a big secret.

But the real reason he’s in the woods is a secret too – he has to find his father, the Shadow Man.

Act 3 Beat 1

Rethink everything – Joe teaches Sarah how to read the forest. How to be safe in it, Sarah and Joe develop a friendship. Sarah reveals how she always wanted to live alone in the forest but was terrified of it. REVEAL 2 INCLUDING TEACHING HER ABOUT THE MUSHROOM.REVEAL 3 – FORESHADOWING SARAH’S HOUSE IN THE FOREST. Sarah and Joe grow close. Emotional beat 8

Joe understands Sarah’s fear and teaches her to look at the small picture instead of trying to take in the whole woods. He treats her with patience, and she begins to trust him. They find they have a lot in common.

Act 3 Beat 2

New plan – Joe finds a long clump of hair and tracks a three-toed creature to Forbidden Pass. Sarah is sure Lila is with it. There are small footprints like her daughters there beside it. REVEAL ONE – FURTHERING THE REVEAL OF THE SHADOW MAN

Act 3 Beat 3

Sarah catches a glimpse of Joe’s feet. They have three toes. Maybe Harper was right after all. Now she doesn’t know if she should trust him. REVEAL ONE – FURTHERING THE REVEAL

Sarah knows Joe is hiding something from her. What’s his secret/mystery?

Act 3 Beat 4

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – Harper catches up with them. He tries to kill Joe, but something comes out of the forest and attacks the Sherriff. Harper gets caught in his own bear trap.

Act 4 Beat 1

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Sarah and Joe are forced into the Pass by the fight.

Will they evoke the curse of the pass? (No one ever comes back from the pass)

Act 4 Beat 2

they find a cave where they find Lila. Sarah’s relief Emotional beat 9, followed by unease. What’s wrong with her daughter?

Sarah’s relief is short lived. The mushroom cures epilepsy but at a price.

Act 4 Beat 3

They are confronted by the “Shadow Man”, Joe’s psychopath father a sacred Holy Man to the First Nation’s people. He’s taken the girl because she’s epileptic and therefore Holy. Sarah tries to negotiate for her daughter. REVEAL ONE – FINAL REVEAL the Shadow Man is Joe’s father.

Act 4 Beat 4

Harper drags himself to the cave and shoots the “beast”.

Act 4 Beat 5

Joe tackles him in a fit of grief and rage. Harper dies. Joe- rage and grief – Emotional beat 10

Joe hates himself for becoming like his enemy. He realizes he can never leave the pass.

Act 4 Beat 6

No one notices Lila is under the influence of the mushroom. She slices her mother’s throat. It’s pretty obvious Lila can’t return to society. REVEAL 2 THE MUSHROOMS SIDE EFFECTS MAKE A PERSON CRAZY. Sarah- disbelief. Shock, Loss. Emotional beat 11

Act 4 Beat 7

Resolution: Joe takes his father’s place and looks after Lila.

Sarah gets her house in the woods, no longer afraid or driven to be perfect. REVEAL 3 – SARAH’S WISH COMES TRUE. Sarah – contentment. And peace. Emotional beat 12

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s Characters Emotional beats

Vision statement: I want to see my scripts optioned this year and turned into movies that the audience will remember long after they leave the theatre.

What I learned from this assignment: A well placed reveal adds story depth and interest to the script.

The Emotional beats are bolded

Act 1 Beat 1

Opening – Sarah doing laundry: a perfectionist marathon. Sarah’s husband on the phone: he’s not coming home. Seems the ‘logging camp’ where he’s been living is named Ruby. Emotional Beat 1 – Betrayal.

Beat 2

On the radio a story play about the Harrison Lake Sasquatch throwing rocks at some local fishermen. Scary music. And screaming – REVEAL ONE – BUILD UP – JOE’S FATHER IS REALLY THE SHADOW MAN

Beat 3

Becky wants to paint. Sarah says no. Becky has a hissy fit.

Beat 4

The doorbell rings. Sarah answers.

Beat 5

Joe Green going door to door with a cooler of salmon. Sarah wants one. Joe sees she’s upset, gives it to her free. Hint to a further relationship between them. Emotional beat 2

Beat 6

Harper cruising by arrests Joe, Emotional beat 3 – Harper taking his anger at the loss of his promotion out on Joe.

Beat 7

Back in the kitchen Becky pulls out the paints anyways. Lila spills paint all over her dress and the clean sheets. Sarah goes ballistic and throws the kids outside telling them to stay out of the woods. Sarah over reacts because of the phone call. Emotional beat 4

Beat 8

Becky wants payback. She drags Lila into the woods to see her “secret” place: a dark hollow where Becky leaves trinkets, and something leaves gifts in return.

Beat 9

The ‘shadow man’ watches, a dark blurry figure following behind them. REVEAL 2 HE WATCHES THEM PLAY IN A FAIRY RING OF MUSHROOMS. LILA LEAVES ONE AS A GIFT TO THE SHADOW MAN

Beat 10

Inciting Incident – Lila disappears.

Beat 11

Searchers find a long clump of black hair at the hollow. Hours later Becky tells her mother it was the “Shadow Man”, happy her sister is gone.

Beat 12

Harper doesn’t seem too worried about the girl he’s sure it was Joe Green. He was there just this morning. Sarah shouldn’t worry her pretty little head about it.

Beat 13

Sarah despises Harpers condescending attitude toward her. Sarah -grief, terror, fear her children will be taken away by S.S. Emotional beat 5

to show Harper what she’s made of and decides to find Lila on her own, despite her terror of the forest.

Act 2 Beat 6

Midpoint Turning Point – Sarah gets hopelessly lost. She didn’t bring food or water. Not even a compass or map.

Act 2 Beat 1

Turning Point – Sarah has to find Lila before she needs her next dose of Phenobarbital. They’ve got 20 hours

Act 2 Beat 2

Sarah rallies the neighbors. They search the surrounding forest. Long black hairs are found in the kids secret hollow.

Harper says they’re Joe’s. The neighbors say they’re the legendary bigfoots. The CO’s say they’re bears

Act 2 Beat 3

The CO let’s Joe out of holding

Act 2 Beat 4

New plan: Sheriff Harper goes after Joe Green. He sets a plan in motion to capture the drifter. He loads his truck with weapons, ammunition, and a bear trap. Harper- cold fury at his CO. Plans to frame him for poaching. Emotional beat 6

Act 2 Beat 5

Plan in action: Sarah decides to head into the forest on her own despite her fear. The shadows all look threatening and she’s having panic attacks. Somethings following her.

Act 2 Beat 7

By nightfall everyone’s looking for her. The shadows come alive. She spends the night in a tree. She thinks she’s safe until something attacks. Sarah – terror as something attacks her in the tree. Emotional beat 7

Act 2 Beat 8

The next morning, she stumbles across a creek where she runs into a bear that attacks.

Act 2 Beat 9

Joe Green tracks her down and chases the bear off.

Act 3 Beat 1

Rethink everything – Joe teaches Sarah how to read the forest. How to be safe in it, Sarah and Joe develop a friendship. Sarah reveals how she always wanted to live alone in the forest but was terrified of it. REVEAL 2 INCLUDING TEACHING HER ABOUT THE MUSHROOM.REVEAL 3 – FORESHADOWING SARAH’S HOUSE IN THE FOREST. <b style=””>Sarah and Joe grow close. Emotional beat 8

Act 3 Beat 2

New plan – Joe finds a long clump of hair and tracks a three-toed creature to Forbidden Pass. Sarah is sure Lila is with it. There are small footprints like her daughters there beside it. REVEAL ONE – FURTHERING THE REVEAL OF THE SHADOW MAN

Act 3 Beat 3

Sarah catches a glimpse of Joe’s feet. They have three toes. Maybe Harper was right after all. Now she doesn’t know if she should trust him. REVEAL ONE – FURTHERING THE REVEAL

Act 3 Beat 4

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – Harper catches up with them. He tries to kill Joe, but something comes out of the forest and attacks the Sherriff. Harper gets caught in his own bear trap.

Act 4 Beat 1

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Sarah and Joe are forced into the Pass by the fight.

Act 4 Beat 2

they find a cave where they find Lila. Sarah relief Emotional beat 9, followed by unease. What’s wrong with her daughter?

Act 4 Beat 3

They are confronted by the “Shadow Man”, Joe’s psychopath father a sacred Holy Man to the First Nation’s people. He’s taken the girl because she’s epileptic and therefore Holy. Sarah tries to negotiate for her daughter. REVEAL ONE – FINAL REVEAL

Act 4 Beat 4

Harper drags himself to the cave and shoots the “beast”.

Act 4 Beat 5

Joe tackles him in a fit of grief and rage. Harper dies. Joe- rage and grief – Emotional beat 10

Act 4 Beat 6

No one notices Lila is under the influence of the mushroom. She slices her mother’s throat. It’s pretty obvious Lila can’t return to society. REVEAL 2 THE MUSHROOMS SIDE EFFECTS MAKE A PERSON CRAZY. Sarah- disbelief. Shock, Loss. Emotional beat 11

Act 4 Beat 7

Resolution: Joe takes his place and looks after Lila.

Sarah gets her house in the woods, no longer afraid or driven to be perfect. REVEAL 3 – SARAH’S WISH COMES TRUE. Sarah – contentment. And peace. Emotional beat 12

[Heather Hood]

HEATHER’S REVEALS

Vision statement: I want to see my scripts optioned this year and turned into movies that the audience will remember long after they leave the theatre.

What I learned from this assignment: A well placed reveal adds story depth and interest to the script.

The Reveals are capitalized and underlined in the beats.

Act 1 Beat 1

Opening – Sarah doing laundry: a perfectionist marathon. Sarah’s husband on the phone: he’s not coming home. Seems the ‘logging camp’ where he’s been living is named Ruby.

Beat 2

On the radio a story play about the Harrison Lake Sasquatch throwing rocks at some local fishermen. Scary music. And screaming – REVEAL ONE – BUILD UP – JOE’S FATHER IS REALLY THE SHADOW MAN

Beat 3

Becky wants to paint. Sarah says no. Becky has a hissy fit.

Beat 4

The doorbell rings. Sarah answers.

Beat 5

Joe Green going door to door with a cooler of salmon. Sarah wants one. Joe sees she’s upset, gives it to her free.

Beat 6

Harper cruising by arrests Joe,

Beat 7

Back in the kitchen Becky pulls out the paints anyways. Lila spills paint all over her dress and the clean sheets. Sarah goes ballistic and throws the kids outside telling them to stay out of the woods.

Beat 8

Becky wants payback. She drags Lila into the woods to see her “secret” place: a dark hollow where Becky leaves trinkets, and something leaves gifts in return.

Beat 9

The ‘shadow man’ watches, a dark blurry figure following behind them. REVEAL 2 HE WATCHES THEM PLAY IN A FAIRY RING OF MUSHROOMS. LILA LEAVES ONE AS A GIFT TO THE SHADOW MAN

Beat 10

Inciting Incident – Lila disappears.

Beat 11

Searchers find a long clump of black hair at the hollow. Hours later Becky tells her mother it was the “Shadow Man”, happy her sister is gone.

Beat 12

Harper doesn’t seem too worried about the girl he’s sure it was Joe Green. He was there just this morning. Sarah shouldn’t worry her pretty little head about it.

Beat 13

Sarah despises Harpers condescending attitude toward her.

Act 2 Beat 1

Turning Point – Sarah has to find Lila before she needs her next dose of Phenobarbital. They’ve got 20 hours

Act 2 Beat 2

Sarah rallies the neighbors. They search the surrounding forest. Long black hairs are found in the kids secret hollow.

Harper says they’re Joe’s. The neighbors say they’re the legendary bigfoots. The CO’s say they’re bears

Act 2 Beat 3

The CO let’s Joe out of holding

Act 2 Beat 4

New plan: Sheriff Harper goes after Joe Green. He hates Indians and sets a plan in motion to capture the drifter. He loads his truck with weapons, ammunition, and a bear trap.

Act 2 Beat 5

Plan in action: Sarah decides to show Harper what she’s made of and decides to find Lila on her own, despite her terror of the forest.

Act 2 Beat 6

Midpoint Turning Point – Sarah gets hopelessly lost. She didn’t bring food or water. Not even a compass or map. The shadows all look threatening and she’s having panic attacks. Somethings following her.

Act 2 Beat 7

By nightfall everyone’s looking for her. The shadows come alive. She spends the night in a tree. She thinks she’s safe until something attacks.

Act 2 Beat 8

The next morning, she stumbles across a creek where she runs into a bear that attacks.

Act 2 Beat 9

Joe Green tracks her down and chases the bear off.

Act 3 Beat 1

Rethink everything – Joe teaches Sarah how to read the forest. How to be safe in it, Sarah and Joe develop a friendship. Sarah reveals how she always wanted to live alone in the forest but was terrified of it. REVEAL 2 INCLUDING TEACHING HER ABOUT THE MUSHROOM.REVEAL 3 – FORESHADOWING SARAH’S HOUSE IN THE FOREST.

Act 3 Beat 2

New plan – Joe finds a long clump of hair and tracks a three-toed creature to Forbidden Pass. Sarah is sure Lila is with it. There are small footprints like her daughters there beside it. REVEAL ONE – FURTHERING THE REVEAL OF THE SHADOW MAN

Act 3 Beat 3

Sarah catches a glimpse of Joe’s feet. They have three toes. Maybe Harper was right after all. Now she doesn’t know if she should trust him. REVEAL ONE – FURTHERING THE REVEAL

Act 3 Beat 4

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – Harper catches up with them. He tries to kill Joe, but something comes out of the forest and attacks the Sherriff. Harper gets caught in his own bear trap.

Act 4 Beat 1

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Sarah and Joe are forced into the Pass by the fight.

Act 4 Beat 2

they find a cave where they find Lila

Act 4 Beat 3

They are confronted by the “Shadow Man”, Joe’s psychopath father a sacred Holy Man to the First Nation’s people. He’s taken the girl because she’s epileptic and therefore Holy. Sarah tries to negotiate for her daughter. REVEAL ONE – FINAL REVEAL

Act 4 Beat 4

Harper drags himself to the cave and shoots the “beast”.

Act 4 Beat 5

Joe tackles him in a fit of grief and rage. Harper dies.

Act 4 Beat 6

No one notices Lila is under the influence of the mushroom. She slices her mother’s throat. It’s pretty obvious Lila can’t return to society. REVEAL 2 THE MUSHROOMS SIDE EFFECTS MAKE A PERSON CRAZY.

Act 4 Beat 7

Resolution: Joe takes his place and looks after Lila.

Sarah gets her house in the woods, no longer afraid or driven to be perfect. REVEAL 3 – SARAH’S WISH COMES TRUE.

[Heather Hood]

Heather Profiles People

Okay, disclaimer: this was my job as a psych. Intake nurse. I apologize if I come over as being kind of nursey. I purposely don’t do this with my friends.

Gary

Outwardly Pious

“An outstanding father”

Temperamental

Abusive

Gary tries very hard to present himself as a ‘Good Christian Man’. He will go out of his way to help you – as long as it doesn’t put him out. Just be aware his help always comes with a price – which is always a lecture.

His wife and son tread on eggshells around him and show signs of battered victims’ syndrome. We look for the warning signs: agitation, extreme physical pain, difficulty breathing, slamming objects around etc. which indicate a violent explosion is imminent, and invite the wife and son over for tea.

The worst part of Gary’s traits is he is trying so hard to change things. He is aware of his temper but can’t control it. He feels trapped – and that only adds to his agitation. The right approach is to give Gary options and praise. “Don’t worry about the cement, Gary. You do the dry wall like a boss.”

Knowing he will go home and take his failures out on his family means we act proactively to protect them by building Gary’s self-esteem. Thus, our small community nurtures the entire family’s mental health.

Patricia

Addict

Liar

Gregarious

Generous

Pat would give you the coat off her back if you needed it but would spin you a story about the Queen gifting it to her during Expo 86. You never know if she’s telling the truth or has Munchausen Syndrome. The worst part is sometimes her elaborate stories pan out, so you never know what to believe.

Unfortunately, Pat is an alcoholic and she is usually three sheets to the wind. It’s hard to hold a conversation with her because she repeats things over and over….

If you’re hungry she’ll go through her cupboards and freezers until you’re loaded down with groceries. She is a national treasure and needs to be protected.

Theodore

Narcissist

Forgetful

Intelligent

Sly

Teddy is a true anti-social Narcissist in every sense of the word. He believes the world revolves around him and everyone exists to serve his needs. He spent most of his youth in jail and brought the prison with him to the rest of his life.

Most of his day involves seeing how he can use other people to get what he wants. He believes he is a ‘lay minister’ in the Catholic church and the inventor of a treatment called ‘anger therapy’. He will weasel his way into your life via his wife who is charming and social, then he learns your weaknesses.

He storms into people’s lives, wreaks havoc and disappears, only to return after people have put their lives back together. His outward clownlike behavior is a façade. This is not a nice man.

Everyone
has body language that exposes their thoughts. Teddy’s are classical: stroking
his beard as he thinks every time he considers a ‘plan’. Eye movements that
indicate which side of the brain he’s using. Unfortunately, he knows people are
watching so he compensates

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s Character Action Tracks!

Vision statement: I want to see my scripts optioned this year and turned into movies that the audience will remember long after they leave the theatre.

What I learned from this assignment: You can go over these things a million times in your head but until you seat yourself in the character it doesn’t have any meaning at all. The perspective of a petulant, jealous 6 year old is completely different from that of an angry, hard done by 50 year old Sheriff. Even if they are coming from the same place. One gets even, the other explodes.

Sarah Protagonist: 1^st scene

Ironing, cooking pancakes and fixing Lila’s hair. At the same time while her eldest whines at her.

Patient: floats easily from task to task (this doesn’t have any drama and doesn’t support her obsession with being a perfectionist)

Harried: Pancakes can burn, Lila can cry, and the day just builds to a point where Sarah is about to lose it.

Fragile: Establishes her mental state early on. She’s not coping. She cries and throws the pancakes at the wall because the eldest doesn’t like them. The kids think this is a great game and then there’s syrup and pancakes to clean up now on top of everything else to do.

Revenge: They can go without until dinner and look like they’re homeless. Go play outside! Don’t expect to come in until I call you.

Sheriff Harper: Antagonist

Receives bad news. He’s been turned down for a promotion he was expecting.

Angry: Puts a fist through a wall. Grabs his gun and demands an answer from the CO.

Vengeful: Plans a way to get the CO’s position and power by framing him for poaching.

Sly: Plots a way to make himself look better than the CO.

Tricky: Turns to crime to make ends meet. – takes weapons from the evidence locker.

Joe Green: Catalyst character

Has come home to the reservation because he’s heard his father is ill.

Calm: Needs to put his life in order. Must come to terms with his father.

Resolute: Knows his father has taken the girl. Knows Harper will kill him. Will do what needs to be done to protect his father, no matter what his father thinks of him. Absolutely unreadable, expression wise – but his actions are clear and decisive: quits drinking with the snap of a decision, heads into the bush to track Lila as soon as he’s freed from jail etc…

Gentle: Helps Sarah get over her fears of the forest and her mistrust of men.

Lethal: Takes out a bear and the Sheriff with his bare hands.

Fatalistic: We are not the masters of our destiny. In the end nothing you do will really matter.

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s Beat Sheet

Vision statement: I want to see my scripts optioned this year and turned into movies that the audience will remember long after they leave the theatre.

What I learned from this assignment: it is much easier to do the beatboard using screenwriting software, especially once you take it into the script. I was totally unsuccessful in getting my beatboard done in Final Draft into the assignment space.

Act 1 Beat 1

Opening – Sarah doing laundry: a perfectionist marathon. Sarah’s husband on the phone: he’s not coming home. Seems the ‘logging camp’ where he’s been living is named Ruby.

Beat 2

On the radio a story play about the Harrison Lake Sasquatch throwing rocks at some local fishermen. Scary music. And screaming

Beat 3

Becky wants to paint. Sarah says no. Becky has a hissy fit

Beat 4

The doorbell rings. Sarah answers.

Beat 5

Joe Green going door to door with a cooler of salmon. Sarah wants one. Joe sees she’s upset, gives it to her free.

Beat 6

Harper cruising by arrests Joe,

Beat 7

Back in the kitchen Becky pulls out the paints anyways. Lila spills paint all over her dress and the clean sheets. Sarah goes ballistic and throws the kids outside telling them to stay out of the woods.

Beat 8

Becky wants payback. She drags Lila into the woods to see her “secret” place: a dark hollow where Becky leaves trinkets, and something leaves gifts in return.

Beat 9

The ‘shadow man’ watches, a dark blurry figure following behind them.

Beat 10

Inciting Incident – Lila disappears.

Beat 11

Searchers find a long clump of black hair at the hollow. Hours later Becky tells her mother it was the “Shadow Man”, happy her sister is gone.

Beat 12

Harper doesn’t seem too worried about the girl he’s sure it was Joe Green. He was there just this morning. Sarah shouldn’t worry her pretty little head about it.

Beat 13

Sarah despises Harpers condescending attitude toward her.

Act 2 Beat 1

Turning Point – Sarah has to find Lila before she needs her next dose of Phenobarbital. They’ve got 20 hours

Act 2 Beat 2

Sarah rallies the neighbors. They search the surrounding forest. Long black hairs are found in the kids secret hollow.

Harper says they’re Joe’s. The neighbors say they’re the legendary bigfoots. The CO’s say they’re bears

Act 2 Beat 3

The CO let’s Joe out of holding

Act 2 Beat 4

New plan: Sheriff Harper goes after Joe Green. He hates Indians and sets a plan in motion to capture the drifter. He loads his truck with weapons, ammunition, and a bear trap.

Act 2 Beat 5

Plan in action: Sarah decides to show Harper what she’s made of and decides to find Lila on her own, despite her terror of the forest.

Act 2 Beat 6

Midpoint Turning Point – Sarah gets hopelessly lost. She didn’t bring food or water. Not even a compass or map. The shadows all look threatening and she’s having panic attacks. Somethings following her.

Act 2 Beat 7

By nightfall everyone’s looking for her. The shadows come alive. She spends the night in a tree. She thinks she’s safe until something attacks.

Act 2 Beat 8

The next morning, she stumbles across a creek where she runs into a bear that attacks.

Act 2 Beat 9

Joe Green tracks her down and chases the bear off.

Act 3 Beat 1

Rethink everything – Joe teaches Sarah how to read the forest. How to be safe in it.

Act 3 Beat 2

New plan – Joe finds a long clump of hair and tracks a three-toed creature to Forbidden Pass. Sarah is sure Lila is with it. There are small footprints like her daughters there beside it.

Act 3 Beat 3

Sarah catches a glimpse of Joe’s feet. They have three toes. Maybe Harper was right after all. Now she doesn’t know if she should trust him.

Act 3 Beat 4

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – Harper catches up with them. He tries to kill Joe, but something comes out of the forest and attacks the Sherriff. Harper gets caught in his own bear trap.

Act 4 Beat 1

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Sarah and Joe are forced into the Pass by the fight.

Act 4 Beat 2

they find a cave where they find Lila

Act 4 Beat 3

They are confronted by the “Shadow Man”, Joe’s psychopath father – a sacred Holy Man to the First Nation’s people. He’s taken the girl because she’s epileptic and therefore Holy. Sarah tries to negotiate for her daughter.

Act 4 Beat 4

Harper drags himself to the cave and shoots the “beast”.

Act 4 Beat 5

Joe tackles him in a fit of grief and rage. Harper dies.

Act 4 Beat 6

No one notices Lila is under the influence of the mushroom. She slices her mother’s throat. It’s pretty obvious Lila can’t return to society.

Act 4 Beat 7

Resolution: Joe takes his place and looks after lila.

Sarah gets her house in the woods, no longer afraid or driven to be perfect.

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s beat sheet.

I did the beat sheet in Final Draft as it is easier to see the whole thing spread out. I’m going to try and paste it here so everyone can see it, but that may require some technical expertise. Wish me luck.

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s deeper layer

Vision statement: I want to see my scripts optioned this year and turned into movies that the audience will remember long after they leave the theatre.

What I learned from doing this assignment: remember to think about the B story and all of the subtext. Don’t get caught up so much in plot – character development comes from what characters want and need.

2. As we did above with The Sixth Sense, create each piece of this “Deeper Layer” puzzle.

· Surface Layer:

What’s going on in Forbidden Pass? Why does everyone who goes there die?

Sarah is searching
for her abducted daughter. Joe has come back because he’s heard his
father is sick. Harper wants respect but upholding the law won’t
give it to him.

· Deeper Layer:

If you want to go through the pass, you have to get permission from the Sto’lo Nation and be escorted through by an Elder. They know what’s going on there, but no one’s talking.

Sarah’s really looking
for a way out of her stifling marriage. Joe’s really looking for
acceptance. Harper turns to
crime to fulfill his needs.
Major Reveal: The “Shadow
Man” isn’t a Sasquatch. It’s Joe’s father.
Influences Surface Story – It now
involves the whole local reservation.
Hints: Camera’s
should be angled so no one see’s the “beast”, just a dark, hulking
creature. Three toed, footprints at least a size 14 in length. Joe
dropping hints about Lila and how his father treats epilepsy with
mushrooms.
Changes Reality: The “Shadow
Beast” is a Medicine man the local band protects with the legend of the
Forbidden Pass. The audience is expecting a rescue, but the child turns
into the next Shadow Creature and the cycle continues.

[Heather Hood]

Please excuse the lateness of these posts. The forums seemed to be unclear having been mixed up with Module 2. So now I’m posting everything at once.

Heather’s Character Structure

Vision statement: I want to see my scripts optioned this year and turned into movies that the audience will remember long after they leave the theatre.

What I learned from doing this assignment: When I go back through all the modules, I can already see the outline and beats of the screenplay taking shape. I have enough to start putting them into the beat board in Final Draft, which I can start incorporating into a script. I’m not going to do that yet, but I’m getting a real feel for the characters, how they are different from each other and what sets them apart.

Beginning:

Showing the norm: Sarah Fields doing laundry while the girls play in the kitchen. Sarah, trying to do three things at once: wash, iron and feed breakfast. She gives her youngest (Lila) her morning dose of phenobarbital. (Antiseizure med) Kids being whiny brats. Her oldest (Becky) wants to paint. “Can’t you see how busy I am? You have to take care of your sister”. Major sulk fest. The doorbell rings.

Joe Green, looking to get money for his next bottle, has a cooler, going door to door, selling salmon. Sarah buys one.

Officer Harper reads a memo at the office. He’s been passed over for a promotion. Again. Furious he heads out on patrol to wind down.

Officer Harper cruising by, arrests Joe (because he doesn’t like him and has a history with him, and 1^st Nations aren’t allowed to sell off the reserve).

Inciting
Incident: Sarah returns to the kitchen
to find Becky has pulled out the paints and spilled them all over the
freshly laundered sheets and clothing. Sarah has a meltdown. She shoves
the kids outside and tells them to stay in the backyard.

Turning
Point 1: Becky takes Lila into the
forest to see her secret place where she is abducted by the “Shadow Man”.

· Joe’s mother says she thinks he should get right with the Creator. Maybe he should stop drinking and talk to his father.

Harper decides to poach some bear. He heads out into the bush with guns and traps. Something shadowy tracks him from the trees.

Act
2: Officer Harper doesn’t seem
too eager to help Sarah search for Lila. He’s pretty condescending.
Sarah’s desperate. She rallies the neighbors, and they search the nearby
forest but turn up nothing. The clock is ticking down to Lila’s next
medication dose.

Becky finally tells her mother the “Shadow Man” took Lila. The neighbors think it might be a Sasquatch that legend says lives in the Forbidden Pass. Sarah has had enough of fairy tales.

Officer Harper says not to worry her pretty little head, there’s no such thing as sasquatches. He has bills to pay and looking for a missing child is taking time away from trapping. He’ll do it, but only if it lies in the same direction.

Turning
Point 2 / Midpoint: Even
though she’s terrified of the forest, Sarah heads out into the bush alone
and unprepared.

Joe hears about Sarah’s daughter. He knows who took her and knows he has to do something about it. He empties the rest of his bottle in the gutter.

Act
3: Joe startles Sarah that night, cold,
afraid and hungry, and begins to win her trust. He teaches her how to see
the forest in a different way, where to find things to eat and how to find
tracks. The two begin a friendship. Sarah confesses she always wanted to
be a witch living alone in the middle of the forest but could never get
over her fear.

Turning
Point 3: Harper finds them he
tries to kill Joe.

Something comes out of the forest and attacks Harper pushing him into a bear trap.

Joe and Sarah escape into the Forbidden Pass.

Act
4 Climax: Joe and Sarah track the Shadow
Man to a cave. It isn’t a Sasquatch at all. It’s Joe’s father, a powerful medicine
man the tribal elders have been protecting for years. He’s chosen Lila as
his successor because she has epilepsy, just like him and will have the
same visions.

Joe and his father try and reconcile – Joe’s flaw – he didn’t think he had his father’s gift and so he chose a walkabout until he was ready.

The mushroom Joe’s father takes has really messed with his mind, so the persuasion isn’t going well…

BUT THEN… Harper drags his bloody carcass into the mouth of the cave and shoots the Shadow Man.

Joe pummels Harper into the ground, in a fit of grief and rage.

Sarah tries to shield Lila from the sight.

However, Lila’s under the effect of the mushroom, and no one sees that. Or the knife by her hand. As soon as it grows quiet and Sarah lets down her guard, Lila squeals and slashes Sarah’s throat.

Joe springs to her aid and saves her.

But it’s pretty obvious Lila won’t be going back to civilization.

· Resolution: Sarah, who no longer cares if everything is perfect, lives in a little cottage in the middle of the woods tending her small garden. Becky who used to be belligerent around her mother and is now utterly terrified of her.

[Heather Hood]

Heather Puts Essence to Work

What I learned is…essence takes a long time to ferret out, and sometimes takes a few tries.

Script I choose: Absolution.

Scene 1 Location: Sc. 2- Church office
Logline: Ambrose wants to atone for his sins but doesn’t know how.
Essence I’ve discovered: It’s not that he doesn’t know how, he just needs permission.
New Logline: Ambrose looks for the guidance of his father figure (DeGaul) to steer him in the right direction.

Scene 2 Location: Chief Oliver’s backyard
Logline: Joe needs purpose
Essence I’ve discovered: Joe is an angry young man in search of something to give life meaning.
New Logline: Ambrose gives Joe a reason to focus.

Scene 3 Location: Old Willow Road/shelter
Logline: Ambrose is really sick and might not make it to dialysis.
Essence I’ve discovered: Jody has to come to terms that she still has feelings for Ambrose.
New Logline: Jody has to help Ambrose survive the blizzard.

Scene 4 Location: Old Willow Rd
Logline: Jody argues with Ambrose trying to convince him to turn Williams in for murder.
Essence I’ve discovered: Ambrose isn’t the tough character I thought I’d made him.
New Logline: Jody convinces Ambrose to grow a backbone by telling him he has a daughter.

Scene 5 Location: Courtroom
Logline: Ambrose testifies against the former headmaster of St. Annes Residential school to bring dignity to the victims.
Essence I’ve discovered: Ambrose is hit over the head with the realization he hates the headmaster because his father was a pedophile – and he really hasn’t forgiven him after all. This whole journey hasn’t just been about someone else forgiving him, but about him forgiving himself and his father.
New Logline: Ambrose is himself a victim and he too needs closure.

[Heather Hood]

Heather Finds the Essence

What I learned is: the essence changes from scene to scene.

Script I choose: The Grey

Scene 1 Location: INT. WRECKED FUSELAGE – NIGHT
Logline: LEWENDEN dies
Essence: We need to embrace the truth that death comes for us all.

Scene 2 Location: EXT. OUTSIDE FUSELAGE – NIGHT
Logline: Luttinger steps outside to pee. A WOLF rockets out of the darkness– right into his belly. ANOTHER WOLF– shoots down, locks on to Luttinger’s throat, tearing the sound from it– nobody hears him die.
Essence: Death comes for us when we least expect it, like a wolf from the darkness.

Scene 3 Location: EXT. DEEPER FOREST – LATER – NIGHT
Logline: Pike takes his anger out on everyone and almost gets everyone killed because they are brawling’. The wolf attacks. They band together and kill it.
Essence: Life is full of unpleasant people. Learn to deal with them. Don’t get distracted from your goals.

Scene 4 Location: EXT: CLIFFSIDE – DAY
Logline: The party decide to leap across a ravine into trees instead of looking for a way down. Talget lets his fear of heights get the better of him.
Essence: If you want to live don’t give in to your fears.

Scene 5 Location: EXT. RIVER BANK – LATER STILL
Logline: Pike is dying and can’t walk any further…
Essence: Sometimes you have to know when to let go

PIKE (cont’d) …to be able to choose…to greet it…and go gracefully. (a nod to the mountains) …I feel like that’s all for me… (long pause) …that this is the place to let it go…

Pike stares up at Ottway.

PIKE (cont’d) (to Ottway) You know about this…how this feels…where I’m at right now.

Ottway nods. Pike nods back.

PIKE (cont’d) I just feel…completely fucking alive.

Pike looks at both men, smiles.

PIKE (cont’d) …man is it something..

My selection for most profound essence:

At the bottom of the tree where Talget has fallen and the wolves have dragged him away, Ottway says to the others:

“Don’t think about fighting them. Just– let it go to your muscle. If they’re on you, if you’re down– don’t think about dying. Just– let it go to your blood– just fucking fight. If you die, you die, just– let your body fight. (off their silence) It’ll fight, trust me…It’ll fight even after you think you’re dead.”

Why – Ottway has gone from wanting to kill himself in the first Act to being the one responsible for keeping everyone alive. It’s a completely ironic position for him because he believes himself a complete failure for abandoning his pregnant girlfriend. (You have to have read the story “Ghost Walker” to understand the story, it’s not really explained in the movie The part that got cut is the helicopter landing and rescuing him.)

On the surface the story is about a bunch of rough oil patch drillers crashing in the Alaska wilderness trying to survive attacking wolves as they hike out to civilization. Underneath all that is a really heavy allegory about life and death, with death being shown as analogous to an unexpected wolf attack, and our journey through life as a bitter struggle against the wilderness. Each one of the Characters represents an aspect of ourselves on the journey. I particularly love the dialogue because it’s written like rough guys (so unlike me they’re almost speaking another language).

[Heather Hood]

Hi Everyone,

I’m Heather, getting to be a longtime student here at SU. So far I’ve taken the Profound Screenplay course and the Re-write course as well as the Writing Incredible Movies. And a few others. I’ve written around 10 scripts, and every new one is a lot easier with all the things I’ve learned here.

I have a lot of experience with the production side of things: costuming and directing, but i really enjoy the creative side too. I look forward to meeting everyone here!

[Heather Hood]

I agree to the terms of this agreement.

[Heather Hood]

Hi Everyone,

I’ve been enjoying the other parts of this class so far. Looking forward to the rest of the class.

Heather

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s Supporting Characters

Vision statement: I want to see my scripts optioned this year and turned into movies that the audience will remember long after they leave the theatre.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: the value the supporting actors play in Supporting the Main characters. And…. How I have to stop making my supporting actors into main characters…. I could just write them their own movie. And this is how I will never run out of stories to write : )

2. Tell us your supporting and background characters.

Supporting Characters:

Sarah’s Daughters:

Joe’s Father

Background Characters:

Harper’s Commanding Officer

Sarah’s Husband

Sarah’s Judgmental neighbors

Townsfolks (extras)

3. Focusing on those supporting characters, fill in the basic profile for each.

Support 1:

Name: Becky <div>

Role: Sarah’s 6-year-old daughter
Main purpose: responsible for the
inciting incident (getting her younger sister abducted)
Value: Establishes Sarah’s wounds
and flaws.

Support 2:

Name: Lila</div><div>

Role: Sarah’s 3-year-old daughter
who gets abducted.

Main purpose: the story is built around
her disappearance and illness.

Value: she will die if not found.
Heightens the need to move the story forward.

Support 3:

· Name: Black Storm – The Shadow Man

· Role: Evil monster terrorizing the town.

· Main purpose: to scare the townfolk away from Tribal territory.

· Value: abducts Sarah’s daughter, starts the problem.

Background Characters

Harper’s Commanding Officer – there to let us know he doesn’t get his promotion and to establish Harper’s character. Gives us insight into why Harper acts the way he does.

Sarah’s Husband – solidifies that Sarah is on her own as far as the kids are concerned. He works at a logging camp – it’s her job to take care of everything else.

Sarah’s judgmental neighbors – good Christian folk who think she would do much better raising her children with a strong willow switch to the backside and a stern bible passage or two.

</div>

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s Character Strengths Part 2

(this is lesson 6 with lesson 7 added)

Vision statement: I want to see my scripts optioned this year and turned into movies that the audience will remember long after they leave the theatre.

What I learned from doing this assignment: after doing this I can easily see how I can end up with a two-page character description. In the past my descriptions have been disorganized and all over the place, but using this template the thought process flows easily from one attribute to another and your character takes flesh in your mind. Flaws – one never thinks about that, or if you do, it’s in a nebulous way that doesn’t really affect things. When you put everything together, putting a flaw in there is like sticking a splinter in their foot and waiting for it to fester.

Sarah-

A. The High Concept; The monster isn’t always the evil thing you expect it to be.

· B. This character’s journey: a journey of discovering her inner strengths and coming to terms with the ghosts holding her back.

C.The Actor Attractors for this character.

1. Mousey to Brave

2. Terrified to not giving a damn.

3. Growing from mental teenager to mature woman.

4. Forced to learn new skills.

5. Make hard decisions.

3. Brainstorm the first 6 parts of the profile for each of your lead characters.

1. Role in the Story: Protagonist

2. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Age <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>range and Description: late twenties to 40

3. Core Traits: determined, resourceful, quick-thinking, hardworking.

4. Motivation;Want/Need: to find her daughter before she needs her medication.

5. Wound: She was responsible for her little brother’s death while babysitting.

6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy: Her parents farmed her out to foster care after her
brother died and she thinks CPS will take her children away if she can’t
find her child.

7 Character Subtext: Has a rebellious
streak a mile wide but can’t let anyone see it because women are supposed
to be servants in the 50’s and know their place.

8 Character Intrigue: secretly years
to be some sort of wise woman who lives in hut in the forest making
potions and spells.

9 Flaw: is ruled by her
fears and insecurities

10 Values: are a
reflection of the 1950’s, and they chafe her – but she respects human life
and isn’t racist, like her neighbors.

11. Character Dilemma: she can either wait for someone else to find her daughter (who will probably b dead by then) or face her fears and search for her herself.

Sherriff Harper-

The High Concept – the monster is exactly who you expect it to be.

This character’s journey – from conniving man of the law to outright bad guy who wants his man any way he can get him.

The Actor attractors for this character

· Gets to play a character with a hidden side personality and life.

· Has a high range of switching emotions.

· Gun fanatic (if you like that sort of thing)

· Can buff up for the part.

3. Brainstorm the first 6 parts of the profile for each of your lead characters.

1. Role in the Story: Antagonist

2. Age range and Description: 30’s to 50s

3. Core Traits: ex-military (or just thinks he is) high opinion of himself, insufferable,
bigoted. Sly. Intelligent. Two faced.

4. Motivation; Want/Need: has to have people respect him. Needs to be ‘the rescuer’.

5. Wound: he was passed over for a promotion and he’s bitter about it.

6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy: He has his moments. You can see there were once shreds of a real RCMP officer there, but now he’s looking out for himself most of the time. He has a soft spot for children though.

7 Character Subtext: Has no respect
for Sarah. Knows about her past and considers her trash, especially when
she teams up with Joe.

8 <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Character Intrigue: Actively
engages in poaching to supplement his income.

9 <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Flaw: Will always take
the easy way out.<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>

10 <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Values: Appreciates the
finer things in life.

11. Character Dilemma: How can he get rid of Joe and make it look like it was justified?

Joe:

The High Concept: There are no monsters. All life should be respected.

The character’s journey: He’s drifting, drinking too much and looking for a purpose. Long ago he refused his tribal calling. Now no one respects him.

The Actor Attractors for this part:

· Diversity.

· Gets to express a lot of emotion through action, instead of words.

· Will learn physical survival and tracking skills

· Goes from a derelict to the reluctant Hero

3. Brainstorm the first 6 parts of the profile for each of your lead characters.

1. Role
in the Story: Catalyst for the MC’s change. </div><div>

2. Age
range and Description: 30’s to 50s

3. Core
Traits: Indian tracker, patient, wise, skilled. Thoughtful, respectful,
quiet.

4. Motivation; Want/Need: needs a purpose in life. Has to find his father.

5. Wound:
he believes he has no worth unless he takes his rightful place in the
world as his father’s replacement (medicine man).but he doesn’t have his
father’s gifts.

6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy: Quiet, kind and sympathetic to Sarah’s plight. Is a Helper by nature. Strong and resourceful. Knows how to survive in the woods.

7 Character Subtext: He knows what
and where the Shadow Man is SO he knows where the girl is too.

8 Character Intrigue: The Shadow Man
is actually Joe’s father, who’s dying and is searching for his
replacement. Joe knows he’s responsible for the abduction because he was
supposed to be his father’s successor.

9 Flaw: He drinks to
forget how unworthy he is.

10 Values: Respect life in
all its forms. Fit yourself into creation, don’t make creation fit you.

11. Character Dilemma: he has no idea how he’s going to convince his father to let the girl go and accept him instead since his father already rejected him once.

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s Character Profiles Part 1

Vision statement: I want to see my scripts optioned this year and turned into movies that the audience will remember long after they leave the theatre.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: to start with a clear picture of your leads role in the story and build onto it from there.

2. With each of your lead characters, first tell us the following:

Sarah-

A. The High Concept; The monster isn’t always the evil thing you expect it to be.

· B. This character’s journey: a journey of discovering her inner strengths and coming to terms with the ghosts holding her back.

C.
The Actor Attractors for this character.

1. Mousey to Brave

2. Terrified to not giving a damn.

3. Growing from mental teenager to mature woman.

4. Forced to learn new skills.

5. Make hard decisions.

3. Brainstorm the first 6 parts of the profile for each of your lead characters.

Role
in the Story: Protagonist <div>

Age
range and Description: late twenties to 40

Core
Traits: determined, resourceful, quick-thinking, hardworking.

Motivation;
Want/Need: to find her daughter before she needs her medication.

Wound: She was responsible for her little brother’s death while babysitting.

Likability,
Relatability, Empathy: Her parents farmed her out to foster care after her
brother died and she thinks CPS will take her children away if she can’t
find her child.

Sherriff Harper-

The High Concept – the monster is exactly who you expect it to be.

This character’s journey – from conniving man of the law to outright bad guy who wants his man any way he can get him.

The Actor attractors for this character

· Gets to play a character with a hidden side personality and life.

· Has a high range of switching emotions.

· Gun fanatic (if you like that sort of thing)

· Can buff up for the part.

3. Brainstorm the first 6 parts of the profile for each of your lead characters.

Role
in the Story: Antagonist </div><div>

Age
range and Description: 30’s to 50s

Core
Traits: ex-military (or just thinks he is) high opinion of himself, insufferable,
bigoted. Sly. Intelligent. Two faced.

Motivation;
Want/Need: has to have people respect him. Needs to be ‘the rescuer’.

Wound: he was passed over for a promotion and he’s bitter about it.

Likability, Relatability, Empathy: He has his moments. You can see there were once shreds of a real RCMP officer there, but now he’s looking out for himself most of the time. He has a soft spot for children though.

Joe:

The High Concept: There are no monsters. All life should be respected.

The character’s journey: He’s drifting, drinking too much and looking for a purpose. Long ago he refused his tribal calling. Now no one respects him.

The Actor Attractors for this part:

· Diversity.

· Gets to express a lot of emotion through action, instead of words.

· Will learn physical survival and tracking skills

· Goes from a derelict to the reluctant Hero

3. Brainstorm the first 6 parts of the profile for each of your lead characters.

Role
in the Story: Catalyst for the MC’s change. </div><div>

Age
range and Description: 30’s to 50s

Core
Traits: Indian tracker, patient, wise, skilled. Thoughtful, respectful,
quiet.

Motivation;
Want/Need: needs a purpose in life. Has to find his father.

Wound:
he believes he has no worth unless he takes his rightful place in the
world as his father’s replacement (medicine man).but he doesn’t have his
father’s gifts.

Likability, Relatability, Empathy: Quiet, kind and sympathetic to Sarah’s plight. Is a Helper by nature. Strong and resourceful. Knows how to survive in the woods.

</div>

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s Character Intrigue

Vision statement: I want to see my scripts optioned this year and turned into movies that the audience will remember long after they leave the theatre.

What I learned from doing this assignment: I really had to think about some of these things. Consequently, the characters evolved a little to adapt. Nobody floats through life without having something to hide. It’s just a matter of finding what it is.

2. For each of your main characters, use this list to brainstorm one or more Intrigue items that might apply. You don’t need all of them; just one or two.

Character
Name: Sarah
Role:
Mother. <div>

Hidden
agendas: needs to be perfect.

<div>

Competition:
doesn’t want social services to take away her children

Conspiracies:
Has to hide her husband’s abuse.

Secrets:
was placed in foster care when she was five

Deception:
a pious housewife.

Unspoken
Wound: she was responsible for her little brother’s death.

Secret
Identity: she wants to be a witch. (So people will fear and respect her)

3. Give us an idea of how that character’s subtext might show up in your movie.

· She will learn about tracking from Joe. Also about Indian lore and plants

· I haven’t decided about the end of the movie yet. There may be a community of native Elders living in the pass. She might be invited to live there after she escapes from her daughter trying to kill her. The ending is still in flux – the last thing anyone would expect is for a young child to turn on its parent.- but that’s where it is right now.

· Character: Sherriff Harper

· Role: Antagonist/RCMP looking for the missing girl

· Hidden agenda: Bigot, can’t stand Indians.

· Competition: Conservation officers think it was a bear

· Conspiracy: church congregation think he’s wrong and he needs to look at pedophiles.

· Secrets: Joe once beat the shit out of him and he has a score to settle

· Deception: A dutiful officer of the law.

· Unspoken wound: He’s been passed over for promotion.

· Secret identity: Poacher in his off time.

3. Give us an idea of how that character’s subtext might show up in your movie.

· He would use his hunting and trapping skills to catch Joe.

· His conversation would be double edged – respectful but underneath, insulting at the same time.

· Character: Joe

· Role: Indigenous Tracker who offers to find the girl

· Hidden agenda: Knows who took her and why.

· Competition: Harper who won’t hesitate to kill the “Shadow Man” for the prestige it will bring him.

· Conspiracy: Everyone thinks she’s been snatched by a bear or Bigfoot.

· Secrets: The “Shadow Man” is his father, a reclusive tribal Medicine man with mystical powers.

· Deception: He knows his father is dying and has taken the girl to be his replacement because of her illness.

· Unspoken wound: His father doesn’t see him as worthy to be his successor.

· Secret identity: Ghost dancer.

3. Give us an idea of how that character’s subtext might show up in your movie

· He drinks for a reason – he is ashamed of himself for his father’s lack of respect.

· He is given new purpose teaching Sarah how to survive in the forest.

· Maybe there will be some sort of relationship develop between them- ???

</div></div>

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s Likability/Relatability/Empathy

Vision statement: I want to see my scripts optioned this year and turned into movies that the audience will remember long after they leave the theatre.

What I learned doing this assignment is: antagonists don’t always have to be classically black and white. There can be a lot of leeway with them. If you go into their head and make them believe they actually believe their POV of the world is right and everyone else just needs to be enlightened

2. Brainstorm one or more ways you can present your Protagonist through each of these:

Likability:
He has that Canadian RCMP charm. So polite, even when he’s actually
putting you down. <div>

Relatability:
He has a wife and daughters at home, so he’s empathetic. He’s a cop. We
want to like him. We want to trust him.

Empathy:
like Benton Fraser in Due South: a Dudley Do-right kind of guy.

3. Just to get the experience, give us one or more ways that your Antagonist could be presented through each of these:

Likability:
He is thoroughly professional taking Sarah’s statement. Getting all the
information, yet his comments about how she has her hands full while her
husbands at the camp and the way she takes care of the children and her
home are actually judgmental and full of subtext that say he thinks she’s
inferior. But so politely we might mistake it for empathy… </div><div>

Relatability:…because
he structures his comments in a way that says he thinks his wife has the
same problems too. He thinks ALL women need a man to figure things out for
them and tell them what to do.

Empathy:
“It’s not her fault. She was just born female. Don’t worry, let the men do
the hard stuff. You just keep us fed and happy.”

Boy I bet every woman will want to punch his insincere, handsome face in, once they figure out he isn’t going to do a damn thing to help her.

</div>

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s Actor attractors!<div>

Vision statement: I want to see my scripts optioned this year and turned into movies that the audience will remember long after they leave the theatre.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: although plot and story is important, if you aren’t thinking of character growth and looking at things from an Actor’s point of view, you end up writing a boring script.

<div>

* What about this role would
cause an actor to want to be known for it?

The character has to do some soul searching and has some real obstacles to overcome: her oldest daughter has a real hate-on for her sister – how does Mom deal with this knowledge on top of the pressure of her youngest daughters illness? Plus the pressure of her husband being absent at work all the time (logging camp) plus the internal pressure she has placed on herself (perfectionist) Now she has to cope with a missing child when the police don’t seem to care.

*What makes this character one
of the most interesting characters in your story?

She makes the decision to find her daughter by herself, despite the fact she has zero wilderness skills and is terrified of the forest. Her ‘Mom’ instinct is strong enough to overcome her fears. Her character arc goes from timid mouse to super woman.

*What are the most interesting
actions the Lead could take in the script?

She has to face down a bear by herself and overcome the creature that took her daughter and escape with her.

*How can you introduce this role
in a way that could sell it to an actor?

The mom is doing epic 1950’s laundry the way only a perfectionist could. She’s even starching the sheets she’s ironing, while the kids are running around. The oldest daughter wants to paint and opens the cans, but Mom says no. They get into an argument. Something just short of child abuse that she would feel sorry for later. (The kind of behavior any harried mother can identify with) Mom tells her to mind her sister. Resentful the kid sulks. The little one spills paint all over the clean sheets and Mom goes ballistic, kicking them outside.

*What could be this character’s
emotional range.

From loose canon to determined and in control. From fearful to strong and collected.

*What subtext can the actor
play?

She believes women have more roles to play in life than just housewives and so she’s determined to undermine the Sherriff’s outdated opinions at every opportunity. And prove something to her husband. Maybe also to herself.

*What’s the most interesting relationships
this character can have?

The relationship with the Indian tracker. Both of them are outcasts in a way, forced to conform to societal molds neither one of them fits. They will both grow beyond the bounds of those molds and break them.

*How will this character’s
unique voice be presented?

Her language will change. She won’t be prim and proper at the end of the movie. She’ll be tough and will have learned to swear like a man.

*What could make this character
special and unique?

She will have gone through
an experience that should have killed her, but she lives (her own daughter
tries to kill her but isn’t strong enough). She will go from prim, pretty house
wife to tough bush lady who doesn’t care what she looks like.

</div></div>

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s Actor attractors for Gravity

Vision statement: I want to see my scripts optioned this year and turned into movies that the audience will remember long after they leave the theatre.

What I learned from this assignment : to look at our scripts the way a star might see themselves in the story. If I can’t see these enticing qualities in the script, then I need to make the character more interesting.

· Actor Is known for this movie:

Sandra Bullock carried the whole movie and George Clooney’s part was just as important, although smaller.

· What makes this character one of the most interesting characters.

The character takes an arc from inexperienced astronaut to one who saves herself in a landing capsule from another country in a language she doesn’t understand.

· the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie.

Adapting to the new equipment in different languages. Putting out fires to save herself. Learning how to jury rig propulsion systems when she’s out of fuel and she’s given up. Leaving a capsule filling with water and struggling out of a spacesuit under water.

· How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?

Fixing a piece of equipment on the Hubble telescope in Zero G when space debris strikes, throwing her into space.

· What is this character’s emotional range?

Everything from insecurity to confidence and despair to elation.

· What subtext can the actor play?

There is the subtext that her lack of confidence in herself has something to do with the death of her daughter.

· What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?

George Clooney’s character, the experienced astronaut who talks her through getting to the space station and tells her how to get to earth.

· How is this character’s unique voice presented?

In the way she doesn’t care for music. (It reminds her of her daughter) In the way she doesn’t share personal stories or jokes like the other astronauts do. She’s focused on work. I think she’s so focused on work because she doesn’t believe in herself enough to get the job done.

· What makes this character special and unique?

She thinks she’s underqualified compared to the others, but she’s highly intelligent and adaptable. She’s also physically strong enough to do the demanding work in space. She can make the hard decisions (like letting go) even though she thinks she can’t, so she has a well of inner strength to match her outer strength as well.

· (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)

In the Russian capsule when she discovers she has no fuel, she decides to give up and turns down life support, getting ready to die. She hallucinates George Clooney coming in through the hatch challenging her not to give up, then she is jolted out of her hallucination by more debris hitting. She realizes he isn’t really there, but he has given her the answer for how to get to the Chinese space station, using the landing jets. She uses all her resources to get there, even though she has failed on the simulators every time.

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s Genre Conventions

Genre: Horror

Vision statement: I want to see my scripts optioned this year and turned into movies that the audience will remember long after they leave the theatre.

What I learned from doing this assignment: To focus on each step of the
outline and visualize the movie so I could see where I might add little scenes
that would fit in with the genre to make the movie scarier. I’m sure there will
be more opportunities going forward, adding red herrings along the way like moose
or bears that could be mistaken in dark lighting for something frightening.

Act 1:

Opening
– Sarah doing laundry: a perfectionist marathon. She’s even ironing the
sheets and underwear. Ok it’s 1958 but still… On the radio story plays about the Chilliwack
Lake Sasquatch throwing rocks at some local fishermen. Becky
wants to paint. Sarah says no. Becky has a hissy fit and pulls out the
paints anyways. Lila spills paint all over her dress and the clean sheets.
Sarah goes ballistic and throws the kids outside telling them to stay out
of the woods. Becky wants payback. She drags Lila into the woods to see
her “secret” place: a dark hollow where Becky leaves trinkets, and something
leaves gifts in return. The ‘shadow man’ watches, a dark blurry figure
following behind them.

· Inciting Incident – Lila disappears. Searchers find a long clump of black hair at the hollow. Becky tells her mother it was the “Shadow Man”, hours later, happy her sister is gone.

Turning Point – Sarah has to find Lila before she needs
her next dose of Phenobarbital. They’ve got 20 hours.

Act 2:

New
plan – Sherriff Harper thinks the hair belongs to Joe Green. He hates
Indians and sets a plan in motion to capture the drifter. He loads his
truck with weapons, ammunition, and a bear trap.
Plan
in action – Sarah hates his condescending attitude towards her and decides
to find Lila on her own, despite her terror of the forest.
Midpoint
Turning Point – Sarah gets hopelessly lost. She didn’t bring food or water. Not even a
compass or map. The shadows all look threatening and she’s having panic
attacks.
By nightfall everyone’s
looking for her. The shadows come alive.
She spends the night in a tree. She thinks she’s safe until something
attacks it.
The next morning, she stumbles across a creek where she runs into a cougar that attacks. Joe
Green tracks her down and kills it.

Act 3:

Rethink
everything – Joe teaches Sarah how to read the forest. How to be safe in
it.
New
plan – Joe finds a long clump of hair and tracks a three-toed
creature to Forbidden Pass. Sarah is sure Lila is with it. There are small
footprints like her daughters there beside it.
Sarah catches a glimpse of Joe’s feet. They have three toes. Maybe
Harper was right after all.
Turning
Point: Huge failure / Major shift – Harper catches up with them. He tries
to kill Joe, but something comes out
of the forest and attacks the Sherriff. Harper gets caught in his own
bear trap.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate
expression of the conflict – Sarah and Joe are forced into the Pass by the fight.
they
find a cave where they find Lila. They are confronted by the “Shadow Man”, Joe’s psychopath father – a sacred Holy Man to the
First Nation’s people. He’s taken the girl because she’s epileptic and
therefore Holy. Sarah tries to negotiate for her daughter.
Harper
drags himself to the cave and shoots the “beast” before dying.

Resolution
– Joe takes his father’s place. Sarah returns home, no longer afraid of
the forest and driven to be perfect.

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s 4 Act Transformational Structure

Vision statement: I want to see my scripts optioned this year and turned into movies that the audience will remember long after they leave the theatre.

What I learned from doing this assignment was: The original nebulous idea I started out with has changed into something much more workable with more layers than I thought it would have, simply by working through these processes.

2. Give us the following:

Concept – An epileptic toddler disappears from her backyard
and the local racist Sheriff suspects an Indian drifter is the culprit. As
the Sherriff searches for clues to arrest the drifter, the girl’s mother teams up
with the drifter and together they follow the almost invisible trail leading
to the Forbidden Pass, a place the First Nations refuse to let anyone
enter. Their dilemma: respect the First Nations wishes or try and find the toddler before her time runs out.

Old
Ways – no patience, blames others,
refuses to see her own faults. Won’t face her fears and freezes when she’s
scared. Needs things to be perfect.

New
Ways – learns to trust others, accepts
others even if they aren’t perfect. She can focus on small details instead
of the big picture. She faces her fears and can function.

3. Fill in each of these with the answers you have right now.

Act 1:

Opening
– Sarah doing laundry: a perfectionist marathon. She’s even ironing the sheets
and underwear. Ok it’s 1958 but still… Becky wants to paint. Sarah says
no. Becky has a hissy fit and pulls out the paints anyways. Lila spills
paint all over her dress and the clean sheets. Sarah goes ballistic and
throws the kids outside telling them to stay out of the woods. Becky wants
payback. She drags Lila into the woods to see her “secret”.

· Inciting Incident – Lila gets taken by the “Shadow Man” Becky says, happy her sister is gone.

Turning Point – Sarah has to find Lila before she needs
her next dose of Phenobarbital. They’ve got 20 hours.

Act 2:

New
plan – Sherriff Harper thinks Joe Green is the culprit because he hates
Indians and sets a plan in motion to capture the drifter.

Plan
in action – Sarah disagrees with his condescending attitude towards her
and decides to find Lila on her own, despite her terror of the forest.

Midpoint
Turning Point – Sarah gets hopelessly lost and everyone’s looking for her.
Joe Green tracks her down.

Act 3:

Rethink
everything – Joe teaches Sarah how to read the forest. How to be safe in
it.

New
plan – Joe tracks a three toed creature to Forbidden Pass. Sarah is sure
Lila is with it. There are small footprints like her daughters there
beside it.

Turning
Point: Huge failure / Major shift – Harper catches up with them. He tries
to kill Joe but something comes out of the forest and attacks the Sherriff.
Sarah and Joe are forced into the Pass.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate
expression of the conflict -picking up the trail they find a cave where
they find Lila. They are confronted by the “Shadow Man”. This is Joe’s
psychopath father – a sacred Holy Man to the First Nations people. He’s
taken the girl because she’s epileptic and therefore Holy. Sarah tries to
negotiate but Harper drags himself to the cave and shoots the “beast”
before dying.

Resolution
– Joe takes his father’s place. Sarah returns home, no longer afraid of
the forest and driven to be perfect.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Heather Hood.

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s Subtext Plot

Vision statement: I want to see my scripts optioned this year and turned into movies that profoundly affect the audience long after they leave the theatre.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: by planning your subtext plot(s) your movie plot becomes clearer as well. What seemed like a complicated journey at first became a lot less so once the subplots were clearly defined: suddenly each character’s motivation became clear.

1. Tell us your concept and your choice of one or two of these Subtext Plots.

Concept: An epileptic toddler disappears from her backyard and the local racist Sheriff suspects an Indian drifter is the culprit. As the Sherriff searches for clues to arrest the drifter, the girl’s mother teams up with the drifter and together they follow the almost invisible trail leading to the Forbidden Pass, a place the First Nations refuse to let anyone enter. Their dilemma: risk encountering whatever lurks there or abandon the search.

2. Give us a few sentences on how your Subtext Plot will play out inside this story.

There might be some Superior Position for the audience – they might figure out what took the toddler before the characters do.

Definitely Competitive Agendas between the main characters – between the Sherriff and the mother, who is a perfectionist and needs evidence before action. And between the Sherriff and the drifter.

There’s also the Cover Up of what the local First Nations are hiding in the pass.

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s Transformational Journey

Vision statement: I want to see my scripts optioned this year and turned into movies that people will remember long after they leave the theatre.

What I learned from doing this assignment: it is far easier to start with a clear picture of the character’s journey before you write the script than to waste time trying to rewrite it numerous times after.

2. Tell us the Character Arc for your Protagonist:

Arc <div>

* Beginning:

Sarah
is a perfectionist
Her
focus is completely internal

* Ending:
Has
learned to let things slide. Can
see other people have flaws. Places
blame where it belongs.

3. Give us their Internal/External Journey.

*Internal
Journey – only sees the dirt in the house, the things she has to clean.
How her children aren’t perfect, and her marriage isn’t working. Everything
is her fault because she’s not perfect. </div><div>

*External
Journey: She learns to look at things from another person’s point of view,
sees how a person’s struggles shapes them.

4.Tell us their Old Ways at the beginning of the movie and their New Ways at the end.

*Old
Ways:
Perfectionist,
impatient, short tempered, self-destructive, overprotective. </div>

*New
Ways:
Believes
in herself, knows her strengths, communicates better with her daughter.
Patient. Focused.

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s Intentional
Lead Characters

Vision statement: I want to see my scripts optioned this year and turned into movies that people will remember long after they leave the theatre.

What
I learned from doing this assignment is… the clearer you are with your character’s primary traits, the easier it is to envision them.

Give us a logline (one sentence answer) for your protagonist, antagonist, and triangle character (if you have one) to the question, “What makes this character fit my concept and title powerfully?”

Protagonist: A mother who’s a perfectionist.

Antagonist: A racist Sheriff who sets his sights on an Indigenous drifter.

Triangle: A homeless Sto:lo Native looking for work.

3. Tell us what makes each of these characters unique.

-Character: Protagonist –
determined, will stop at nothing to find her daughter. <div>

-Logline: “If I try hard enough,
no one will notice my failures.”

– Unique: Will go to the ends of
the earth for her family.

· Character: Antagonist – One devious S.O.B. who comes in layers.

· Logline: “No one’s going to stand in my way”.

· Unique: No moral compass

· Character: Sto:lo First Nation’s hunter looking for work

· Logline: “The world has a balance we have to respect”.

· Unique: Doesn’t say much but when he does you better listen.

</div>

[Heather Hood]

Vision statement: I want to see my scripts optioned and turned into movies this year.

What
I learned from doing this assignment is … now I can write my outline understanding the story revolves around the three main characters instead of wasting time going down plot rabbit holes.

2. Post your Title, and Concept to claim ownership of it.

Title: (I’m still waffling on this) Genre: Horror 1. Invisible 2. Forbidden Pass 3. Inside the Shadow

Concept: An epileptic toddler vanishes from her rural home, and the racist Sheriff goes after the town drunk, an Indian tracker. Now it’s up to him to find the real culprit: a Native legend enraged by the local loggers.

High concept: sometimes we don’t want to see the obvious monster when we have someone else to blame.

3. Tell us the Character Structure you’ve chosen.

Dramatic Triangle: The Mother, The Sheriff and the Tracker.

[Heather Hood]

I like how Hal emphasized how destructive some criticism can be. Often we need to receive feedback to ensure we are taking the right direction, but that feedback can be entirely up to the mood of a person on any given day. Positive criticism is such a valuable tool, but so is empowerment and the fact that it was stressed from the start will put us miles ahead of many other writing schools out there.

It’s one of the things I appreciate about this place. No matter where we are in our creative journey, we are always supported.

[Heather Hood]

Heather Hood

I agree to the terms of this release form:

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Heather Hood]

Hi, my name is Heather Hood. I’ve written 7 feature scripts, 3 short scripts and 2 TV pilots. I hope to become a better writer and get at least one of my scripts optioned this year. Something unusual about myself, hmm. I belong to a historical recreation group. I’m a historical costumer with a specialty in Irish and Scottish garb. She who dies with the most fabric wins!

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s Marketing Campaign

What I learned from this lesson is: there are many ways to get your projects out there.

Since there is absolutely no one in my area doing any sort of filming, I have had to create some sort of group. Vancouver BC and Calgary Alberta are our closest hubs. I have costuming contacts in the industry so I’m networking all the time.

I guess the answer to the question is a little bit of writing gigs, volunteering, networking and sending queries to producers. The problem is not having enough hours to the day and boy can I procrastinate. So another thing I have learned in taking on line courses is to be stern with myself and stick to my tasks.

I wish everybody the best of luck. I hope to hear one day your projects have been turned into a movie and you are the Next Big Thing!

[Heather Hood]

To Michael Christopher

this sounds exactly like something Hollywood would snap up and make. I can already see it as a movie from what you have written here. The second version is slightly more descriptive. But either one works for me.

It gets the concept across in a nutshell without being too wordy. The characters are sketched enough that you can get an idea of them and their conflict. it’s a nice little package that makes me want to ask for the script. Nice job.

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s query letter Draft 2

What I learned from this lesson was: something we didn’t cover in class. I just found out that the person I want to pitch this to is working with a good friend of mine right now. Since I can’t find information on his production company, but he is the actor I was hoping might play in the lead, should I ask her to ask him where I might send the query to? Then I assume I tailor the query directly to him. Does anyone have any experience with this?

Title: Absolution

Genre: Drama

Imagine a world where a pregnant teen would throw herself off a cliff, rather than bring a child into a community where she sees no hope for its future. That’s the opening scene in Absolution, a drama that explores Canada’s legacy of the residential schools. Of them, St. Anne’s in Ontario was the worst. They even had a homemade electric chair set up in the basement.

<font face=”inherit”>Father John Ambrose has struggled with the memories of witnessing rape and murder </font>committed at St. Anne’s<font face=”inherit”>. Now facing his own demise from cancer, he needs to apologize and seek forgiveness from the Cree for staying silent. Especially from the woman he loved as a young priest.</font>

The Vatican certainly doesn’t want these dark secrets exposed. It would be better if Ambrose died…a little sooner.

Absolution asks the question ‘how do you keep your faith when those who represent God continue to sin?’ I have worked as a psych nurse with Indigenous women’s shelters for over 25 years, dealing directly with the trauma of residential school survivors.

If you like the concept, may I send you the script?

Sincerely,

Heather Hood

And this is the reworked query after working with Joan Butler (my undying thanks)

A pregnant First Nations teen throws herself off a cliff in despair for the future of her unborn child.

That’s the opening scene of Absolution, a drama that explores one of the worst residential schools in Canada from the point of view of a man who can no longer live with his conscious: Father John Ambrose.

He witnessed the rape and murder of one hundred and sixty-three First Nation’s children yet said nothing.

Now, facing his own demise from cancer, he must apologize and seek forgiveness from the Cree, especially the woman he loved as a young priest.

But the Vatican would rather see Ambrose die…a little sooner.

As a psychiatric nurse I have worked with survivors of residential schools for 25 years. This script is based on a true story I have the rights to.

If you like the concept, may I send you the script?

Sincerely,

Heather Hood

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s target Market

What I learned from doing this is it’s surprising how many producers each movie can have.

Title: Absolution Genre: Drama Sub genre: social justice

Logline: A dying priest pleads for forgiveness from the student he hurt at a residential school, before a renegade Vatican lawyer silences his testimony against the Cardinal who murdered one hundred and sixty-three Cree students.

Make a list of five or more movies that are similar to yours and five actors that you might want to play your lead characters.

Indian Horse, The Magdalene Sisters, Stigmata, Silence, The Mission, Kayak to Klemtu.

Gabriel Byrne, Paul Gross, Liam Neeson, Zoe Leigh Hopkins, Kaniehtiio Horn.

Using
the Targeting process above, go to http://www.imdb.com and find 50
to 100 producers (or more) for your specific project.

· Indian Horse :Tex Antonucci, Paula Devonshire, Brent Disbrow, Fei Disbrow, Marna Disbrow, Robert Disbrow, Jim Brebner, Stephen S. Campanelli

· The Magdalene Sisters – Paddy Higson, Frances Higson, Andrea Occhipinti, Rod Stoneman, Paul Trijbits, Alan J. Wands

· Stigmata – Frank Mancuso Jr., Vikki Williams

· Silence – Vittorio Cecchi Gori | Barbara De Fina | Randall Emmett | David Lee, Dale A. Brown, Michael Barnes, Lawrence Bender, Len Blavatnik, Marianne Bower, Paul Breuls, Cary Brown, Agustín Coppel, Ruben Coppel, Stuart Ford, George Furla, Manu Gargi, Aviv Giladi Wayne Marc Godfrey, Brent Ryan Green,Tarek Anthony Jabre, Niels Juul, Dan Kao, Ken Kao, Nicholas Kazan, Arnaud Lannic, Christophe Lannic, Matthew J. Malek, Eriko Miyagawa, Gianni Nunnari

· Wild Indian – Adriana Banta, Talia Bella, Katy Drake Bettner, Niraj Bhatia, Dan Burks, Jake Carter, Lyle Mitchell Corbine Jr., Celine Dornier, Jesse Eisenberg, Frédéric Fiore, Bryce Fishman, Brent Ryan Green, J.D. Lifshitz, James Lourie, Thomas Mahoney, Adam Margules, Raphael Margules, Lesli A. Masoner, Dan McClung, Joel Michaely, Blake Pickens, Heather Rae, Edgar Rosa, Eric Tavitian, Randy Wayne

· Kayak to Klemtu – Daniel Bekerman, Daniel Code, Sheryl Kotzer, Ethan Lazar, Alex Ordanis, Marion Wilson-Brown, Chris Yurkovich,

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s
Phone Pitch

What
I learned from this lesson is:

I really need to learn how to make things short and to the point!

1. Tell us which of the four strategies you are going to use to open your pitch:

Lead with credibility. -THIS ONE

2. Give us your script for phone call pitches, like I did above.

Hi I’m Heather Hood and I have 25 years as a psychiatric nurse helping survivors of the Residential schools. Could I tell you about a true story from a residential survivor, but switched up and told from the point of view of a dying priest who needs forgiveness before he passes?

3. Give us a one or two sentence answer to the questions a producer may ask:

What’s the budget range?

Not more than 30 mm

Who do you see in the main roles?

Gabriel Byrne – Father John Ambrose and , Zoe Leigh Hopkins – Jody Youngblood

How many pages is the script?

100

Who else has seen this?

It has been shown to a few producers at several contests.

Why do you think this fits our company?

(Assuming I am talking to Paul Gross) When you wrote Paschendale, you said in an interview you carried a picture in your head of a tale your Grandfather told. He had stabbed a German soldier in the head with a bayonet. It became a powerful image in the movie. My mother told me a story of how she had been disciplined in a homemade electric chair in the basement of St. Anne’s in Ontario. That image stayed with me, and like you, I wrote that into the script.

How does the movie end?

After giving his testimony against the headmaster of the school – now a respected Cardinal – and producing evidence of his horrible crimes, Father John Ambrose is forgiven. The Cree who have come to love him take him out to the wilderness to let him die where God is visible in everything. The priest who had lost his faith finds it again before he dies. The Cree who had lost their respect for the church find it again in the one priest who found the courage to ask for forgiveness.

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s
Pitch Fest Pitch

What I learned from this: I would rather make a written pitch. So now that I’ve admitted the truth, will someone hunt me down and make me do a live pitch? For the honor and glory of ol’ Screenwriter’sU and all that? Slinking away now….

Create your entire Pitch Fest Pitch.

1. Tell us your credibility.

Hi, I’m Heather Hood. I’m a Psychiatric nurse with 25 years of experience working with Indigenous survivors of the residential school systems.

2. Tell us your genre and title.

Absolution is a true story drama based on my mother’s experience in St Anne’s residential School in Ontario. However, it’s told with a twist, from the point of view of a dying priest apologizing for his part in the abuse that happened there.

3. What is your one or two sentence hook?

Imagine living in a community where a mother would rather kill herself than bring a child into a world where nothing changes and mental illness, alcoholism and drug abuse and is a never-ending loop? This is the first scene in Absolution – a teen mother throws herself off a cliff while the grief-stricken teen father tries to stop her.

4. Please give your one or two sentence answer to each of these questions:

What is the budget range?

5-30 MM

What actors do you like for the lead roles?

Gabriel Byrne – Father John Ambrose, Liam Neeson – Bishop Robert DeGaul, Zoe Leigh Hopkins – Jody Youngblood, Kaniehtiio Horn – Willa Youngblood

Give me the acts of the story.

1^st act – Father John Ambrose is dying of kidney cancer, and before he does, he confesses he needs to beg forgiveness of Jody Youngblood for the relationship they shared when he was a teacher at St. Anne’s residential school. If he wants absolution for his sins he needs to apologize.

2^nd act – Jody Youngblood doesn’t want anything to do with Ambrose, so the band Chief arranges for her to take him for dialysis. They get caught in a blizzard and have to rely on each other to get out alive. Ambrose’s port goes septic.

3^rd act – The Cree take legal action against the Catholic church in light of Ambrose’s testimony against the headmaster of the school. The Vatican lawyer’s aides try to murder Ambrose so he won’t embarrass the church.

4^th act – when Ambrose doesn’t die, the other Vatican aide is sent after the chief’s son, Joe, on a hunt for a box of evidence stashed in the ruins of St. Anne’s.. In a bloody confrontation Joe is forced to kill the Aide and get back before the trial is over. He lurches in the courtroom just as Ambrose collapses.

5^th act – Ambrose dies, his faith in God restored, leaving everyone else to wonder why God allows such evil men as the headmaster to exist. – the high concept: how does one keep their faith when those who claim to represent God turn a blind eye to their own sin?

Credibility questions What have you done?

Professional Costumer x 35 years for theatre, TV and Film –

productions: Highlander the series Lionsgate Studios

[Heather Hood]

To Joel and CA Holmes,

Thank you so much guys😊 That really feeds my spirit. My Mom would be smiling, or crying, to hear this.

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s
query letter

What I learned from this: in reading everyone else’s letters it sounds like this formula makes the query much more readable and interesting.

Imagine a world where a pregnant teen would rather throw herself off a cliff, than bring a child into a community where she sees no hope for its future. That’s the opening scene in Absolution, a drama that explores Canada’s legacy of the residential schools. Of them, St. Anne’s in Ontario was the worst. They even had a homemade electric chair set up in the basement.

Yet we forget about those who tried to stop the abuse. Absolution tells the story from a priest’s point of view.

Father John Ambrose has lived with the memory of witnessing the headmaster rape and murder his young victims. Now facing his own demise from cancer, he needs to apologize and seek forgiveness from the Cree, especially the woman he loved as a young priest.

The Vatican certainly doesn’t want to see the depths of the headmaster’s depravity exposed. It would be better if Ambrose died…a little sooner.

Absolution asks the question ‘how do you keep your faith when those who represent God won’t acknowledge their sins?’ I have worked as a psych nurse with Indigenous women’s shelters for over 25 years, dealing directly with the trauma of residential school survivors. Absolution has placed as a ‘finalist’ in numerous contests.

If you like the concept, may I send you the script?

Sincerely,

Heather Hood

heather13hood@gmail.com

po box 11, Yahk, BC, V0B 2P0

1-250-977-5131

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s
Synopsis Hooks

What I learned doing this assignment: if you get the 10 things and the COM the synopsis almost writes itself. Wonder if this would apply to books?

Imagine a world where a young mother would rather throw herself off a cliff, than bring a child into a community where she sees no hope for its future. A place rife with alcoholism, drug use and mental illness.

This is Canada’s indigenous legacy from the residential school system, and St. Anne’s in Ontario was the worst. They even had a makeshift electric chair set up in the basement.

This is world where many First Nations people are still silently waiting for someone brave enough to tell the truth.

Yet we forget about the priests and nuns who tried to stop the abuse. Absolution tells their story.

Father John Ambrose has lived with the memory of witnessing headmaster Williams rape and murder his young victims then dispose of them in a pit beneath St. Anne’s storm cellar. Now facing his own demise from cancer, he needs to apologize and seek forgiveness from the Cree, especially the woman he loved as a young priest.

The Vatican certainly doesn’t want to see another prominent legal case drag the Catholic church though the mud again. For them it would be better if Ambrose died…a little sooner…than expose the depths of Williams dark soul.

[Heather Hood]

: Heather’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch

What
I learned doing this assignment is: it’s not easy to nail the high concept in one sentence. I’m sure it will come to me as I think about it at 3 am or as I’m doing something else. if I force myself to dwell on it I can’t free up my thoughts so I have to move onto something else. But mostly I came up with it’s the eternal battle of good versus evil or why does God allow good men to suffer and bad men to prosper. So it’s not quite there yet.

Tell us your High Concept and Elevator Pitch.

I REALLY NEED TO ASK A QUESTION HERE: IS THE HIGH CONCEPT SOMETHING THAT MIGHT GO ON THE MOVIE POSTER?

1. To find your main hook, tell us what the big picture explanation of your lead character’s journey is.·

Before he dies, Father Ambrose needs forgiveness for the relationship he had with a young girl at St Anne’s residential school where he witnessed the Headmaster rape and murder 163 young students.

Everyone chooses their destiny: to be the monster, be the victim, or stand between the victim and the monster.

2. How can you tell it in the most interesting way possible?

· Dilemma

How can Father Ambrose find the courage to ask for forgiveness from the victims of a Residential school if it means defying the Catholic church and helping the Cree nation charge the former headmaster with murder?

How do you keep your faith when those who represent God won’t acknowledge they’re wrong?

Main
Conflict

Ambrose must go to the Cree and beg forgiveness, for not standing up for the children in his care but Jody refuses to speak to him.

What’s
at stake?

Ambrose believes he will die unshriven and the Vatican will silence him before they are forced to apologize.

Goal/Unique
Opposition

Justice for the Cree. The headmaster charged with murder OR the Catholic church gets off and Ambrose dies with things unresolved.

3. Using the 10 Components of Marketability, what is your Elevator Pitch?

“Finishing
up the True story of a victim of Canada’s worst residential school, where they
kept an electric chair in the basement to use on the children but told from
the point of view of a priest who was just as traumatized.

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s
10 Most Interesting Things

What I learned was: by doing this I was able to go back and fine tune the script in places where some of the scenes needed tweaking to become clearer to reflect some of these hooks. I thought everything was down on paper already, but it was actually in my head and not written.

1. Go through your project and see which of these specific hooks you have:

A.
What is most unique about your villain and hero?

Villains: Williams- truly depraved and unrepentant. Angelino – everyone jokes about him being in the Spanish Inquisition when in fact he heads the modern day Spanish Inquisition.

B.
Major hook of your opening scene?

Joe’s girlfriend jumps to her death off a cliff killing herself and his unborn child. Nothing will ever change for the people on the reservation.

C.
Any turning points?

Ambrose makes the decision to try and seek absolution from Jody and the Cree by page 10. Joe decides to help Ambrose get the photos. DeGaul decides to fight Angelino for Ambrose’s sake and his personal belief in the Catholic faith. Jody gives Ambrose a kidney to show she’s forgiven him.

D.
Emotional dilemma?

Ambrose has to weigh his strength against an emotional fight for absolution and justice for the Cree. DeGaul has to decide against his belief in the Catholic church or standing up for his lay brothers. Joe has to let go of his anger if he wants to be a better man.

E.
Major twists?

Willa is Ambrose’s son.

F.
Reversals?

It’s the story of Residential School abuse but told through the eyes of a young Catholic priest.

2. Make a list of any other things in your script that could interest a producer.

-It’s based on a true story

-high concept

-socially relevant.

-It’s low budget, (well depending on who you cast I suppose)

-the main characters would interest major actors

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s
Producer/Manager Assignment

What
I learned today is the difference between managers and producers

and I am SO grateful I am taking this class because this morning i had to send a query letter to a producer. (He asked to see a short synopsis – one page (?) of a Romcom I wrote). I was able to tailor the query with the information from this lesson in mind.

Answer two questions:

1. How will you present yourself and your project to the producer?

I think I would ask the producer “Are you a parent? How would you feel if someone ripped your child away from you, put them in an institution and killed them?”

Chances are they would say “Awful.”

I would respond with “Then this is why you need to make this movie, because every parent on the planet will want to watch it.”

I know the budget (roughly) of the movie – depending on who is cast. It’s not an expensive film. It takes place in Ontario, Canada (low cost because of the Can $) but there are ways to cut costs within the movie. I can work with that. Just tell me where.

How do they feel about the characters, and would they be able to sell them to actors they have in mind? Are there any changes they might like to see there? Does the title work for them? Do they have a better one? I want to present myself as someone who will make the project a sellable movie for them.

2. How will you present yourself and your project to the manager?

I would tell the manager the background of the script and the awards it’s won, how it’s different from other films. I would also tell him about my writing background pertaining to scriptwriting so he knows this is a business to me. Not sure if we present resumes at this sort of thing. I could tell him that I mostly write dramas and psychological pieces, that I would feel comfortable making any changes that might move the project into production. At this point, if he has read the script, I might ask him for his thoughts and see if he has any suggestions. I think the idea is to be professional, but open to feedback that moves you forward.

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s
Marketable Components

Logline: A dying priest, the only witness to the murders at a Residential School, seeks forgiveness from the woman he hurt – before a renegade Vatican attorney prevents his testimony in court.

What
I learned doing this assignment is at a quick glance I scored 6 out of 10 points, so I *think* that might be a good start?

What I had to do was research to see if anyone else has done a movie anything else like this and all I could find was “Indian Horse” and a bunch of documentaries.

The two strongest marketable points are:

C.
True.

Absolution is a true story based on my mother’s experience as a survivor of abuse at St. Anne’s Residential school in Ontario but told from the point of view of the abuser asking for forgiveness. She spent 60 years waiting for someone from the church to say they were sorry for raping her. In this story, the priest is dying and seeks her forgiveness for locking her in a tiny cupboard to keep her away from the headmaster who killed her sister. You get to see the true horror of what went on in the school as the story unfolds.

D.
Timely — connected to some major trend or event.

Connected to the outbreak and trauma of burial pits being found at Residential School all across Canada.

My only worry is Telling the story with respect for everyone who came out of a terrible time in Canadian history with trauma and PTSD.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Heather Hood.

[Heather Hood]

Hi everyone,

Name: Heather Hood

I think I’ve written seven scripts now…?? At least finished five and I’m halfway through another two. But do we ever really finish them? that’s the question.

It would be nice to see some of them produced and there’s such a difference between getting a book published and getting a movie made.

Something unique about me. Hmm. I taught improvisational theatre. It was fun. Turned it into a therapy course for psychiatric patients. My next screenplay takes place in the psych hospital where they filmed the x-Files. Cue the scary music.😁

[Heather Hood]

Title: Heather’s Project and Market

1. Give us your Genre, Title, and Concept.

Drama

Title: Absolution

It’s a timely concept that speaks to a situation happening in many First Nations communities throughout Canada and the US today: burial pits full of children’s skeletons.

2. In one or two sentences, tell us what you think is most attractive about your story.

It’s an ‘own voices’ story that is based on the abuse my mother endured in the residential school system

3. Tell us which you will target FIRST — managers, producers, or actor’s production company — and why you picked that target.

I would like to target either Paul Gross’s production Company Whizbang Productions as he is well known for Canadian productions, or approach Gabriel Byrne, who although he is an actor (and the actor I saw in the main part) also produces.

4. Answer the question “What I learned today is…?”

At least I know what I’m shooting for.

[Heather Hood]

Heather Hood

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Heather Hood]

There is supposed to be a place to post our scripts for exchange? Anybody know where this is?

Heather

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s Description

What I learned doing this assignment is…this whole process is getting easier every time I go through the script. So hopefully I am finally getting to the end.

Since I have been doing literally *nothing* (shattered knee – German Shepard puppy weighs more than me – don’t ask) every day I’ve gone over scripts in endless rotations working on the lessons for Profound screenplays and the Re-write course. The goal has been to cut action down to where everything still makes the clearest visual sense and still evoke the story I see in my head.

Then the next day I do the same thing for dialogue. Holy mackerel. I’ve never worked so hard on any writing I’ve ever done in my life. I swear that EVERY TIME I look at it I can make changes on it. Often it will just be cutting out one of two words. But I cut out a sentence the day before. So I wonder…. Do the rest of you find this happens to you? At what point do we think it’s complete?

I wish there was a forum where we could do a group exchange of feedback on things that have worked for each other.

Heather

[Heather Hood]

Hey David, I love the scene in the boat as an opening. It’s short and to the point. Can you have it dissolve to the present day? Maybe craft a scene where he’s in the boat with the same guys, or the Inquisition taking him somewhere, but he’s a total gibbering whimp? Then, of course, the audience knows he’s going to come out okay and toughen up.

You could even add a line to the first scene like “You should have seen me when the shit hit the fan…” or something appropriate to him when the story starts.

Heather😃 Love this!

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s Amazing Opening Scene!

When I read my opening scene, even though I had previously elevated it, I wasn’t quite sure it was ‘there’. Yes it was atmospheric, but the main focus of the film is ‘Faith’ and I wanted to contrast the poverty of the Indian Reservations to the wealth of the Roman Catholic Church. It just wasn’t happening for me. I needed something better to grab the audience.

Really thinking about it, the story has changed now to how a small group of people were affected by one man, so that’s the story I need to tell. I went with that, starting with the most poignant character in the story – Joe, who loses his girlfriend to suicide ( a very common thing in adolescents in many first nations) It sets up the contrast between Reservation life and normal society. The original opening scene follows it.

New Opening Scene: Pulling us into a unique world and shocking us.

FADE IN:

EXT. WHITE PINE RESERVATION – DAY

Wind howls mournfully with the voice of the dead, whipping flakes of snow sideways through bare branches on a bleak winter day.

JOE OLIVER (18) crashes through the brittle trees, his breath sobbing as he runs. His clothes are ripped. His boots tattered.

JOE

Crystal! Crystal, don’t…

A clearing opens through the trees: a deep ravine, the windswept rock edge a knife against the sky.

CRYSTAL (16) balances precariously against the buffeting wind staring down at the river and rocks, 200 ft below.

She wears a beautiful scarf Joe has given her. It streams behind her like a tribal war banner in the wind.

JOE

Please don’t. Please. I’ll help you. We all will.

CRYSTAL

Nothin’s ever goin’ to change, Joe. I can’t, anymore.

She steps backwards off the ledge as Joe lunges forward.

For a second it looks like Joe might catch her, but she pulls away and falls, the scarf trailing upward in the wind to float, curling like a freed hawk.

JOE

Nooo! Fuck, God, were nothin’ to you, aren’t we?

Joe crumples into a broken heap at the lip of the ridge, his hand outstretched over the abyss…

MATCH CUT TO:

The original opening scene

INT. ST. PETER’S CATHEDRAL BASILICA, LONDON ONTARIO – DAY

…the trembling outstretched hand of FATHER JOHN AMBROSE (60) holding a silver chalice of communion wine. He steadies it surreptitiously with his other hand.

Ambrose would rather suffer crucifixion than have anyone notice how sick he is. He hangs onto the world: a stubborn, holy robed, cat-stuck-in-a-tree, as the stained glass windows spin like a child’s kaleidoscope.

AMBROSE V/O

They say when you’re about to die, your whole life flashes before you. No one tells you how in the days leading up to that moment every bad decision you’ve ever made plays like a looped film to haunt you.

BISHOP ROBERT DEGAUL (70’s) performs the graceful office of Communion, ahead of Ambrose. Every parishioner is here because they know he truly cares for them. He is the rock upon which this church stands.

You can see it on the rapt faces of every person – Peace. This is what they’ve come for.

AMBROSE V/O

We’re supposed to tie up loose ends. Dredging up the strength from somewhere around our toes like dirty sock lint.

Dust glitters like Holy incense in sunbeams. Candles flicker on silver communion vessels and the sumptuously embroidered robes of the priests on this, the last Advent service before Christmas.

The choir sings the Wexford carol in heart stopping acapella harmony that echoes from every beautifully decorated nook.

Ambrose concentrates on the pure voice of a young boy soaring above the others, while he balances carefully.

AMBROSE V/O

And faith? Well you hang onto that with every fingernail of strength you possess. People are watching you. Trying to see how it’s done, this dying.

But the Bishop, luminescent in his clerical robes like a knight of old, has no sword that will slay the pain his oldest friend battles. DeGaul, who preaches the assurance of salvation, wrestles with his own faith this bright day…

…and in the way he glances back at Ambrose, it’s clear he is losing the battle.

AMBROSE V/O

Some say Christianity is nothing more than a death cult anyways: all this longing to be in a heavenly paradise with a man who refused to stay decently dead.

The choir’s hymn drowns out their low words as they pass the bread and wine from parishioner to parishioner.

AMBROSE V/O

They don’t understand that resurrected man is my only hope to end this torture.

A man, JULES, steadies Ambrose’s hand in sympathy. His skin contrasts yellow against Jules’ fair complexion.

AMBROSE

God go with you, my Son.

JULES

And also with you, Father.

Ambrose turns to place the cup on the alter. It misses the edge, spilling wine in a puddle over the pristine alter cloth, dripping onto the floor.

Ambrose hits the floor, to land in ‘the blood of Christ’.

The rising parishioners gasp. Jules joins Bishop DeGaul, moving Ambrose into a comfortable position.

DEGAUL

John, can you hear me?

Ambrose sees DeGaul’s face blurred, very small and far away.

JULES

Should I call an ambulance?

The words echo in Ambrose’s ears like a retreating tide.

DEGAUL

Let’s get him to the office and see if he comes around.

(To the concerned people)

DEGAUL

Don’t worry, I won’t be giving him the last rites just yet.

To Ambrose, the faces around him have all blurred together.

JULES

Is there anything we can do?

So does this scene work better than the original? It ties in with another scene later on an answers the question of why Joe attacks one of the priests with a knife. We finally get to understand why Joe is so upset.

What I learned doing this: no matter what you think you’ve finished, there is still room for improvement. Are We There Yet Hal?

[Heather Hood]

Wow David you have a lot of things happening in your final act! That sounds really fun. Now I want to see how Paul grows from scared guy to decent guy throughout the movie. Everyone loves a guy they can cheer for, who turned in to someone fantastic in the movie and got the girl in the end.

I would love to exchange third acts with you, but I have no idea how we go about doing it. Do we copy and paste here?

Heather

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s Amazing 3rd Act

What I learned about doing this assignment: no matter how many times I re-write a scene it seems if I leave it for a while I can always find something else to change. I wonder at what point I need to stop changing it because I don’t know if I’m making it better or worse.

In the third act the court case happens between the Cree First Nation and the Catholic Church. Jody has given Ambrose a kidney to show she forgives him and to ensure he is healthy enough to get through the stress of the trial.

Angelino ups his game by having his remaining aide murder Joe before he can retrieve a box of photos that would put the headmaster in prison. But Joe proves to be a lot tougher than anyone gives him credit for. He saves the day in court, showing up with evidence that determines the outcome of the trial – and the world learns the Spanish Inquisition is still very much alive in the Roman Catholic church.

Ambrose’s kidney transplant fails and he asks Jody and DeGaul to let him die out in the forest where he can see God all around him (an allusion to a conversation with Jody earlier in act 2)

EXT. SNOWY BACKCOUNTRY – EVENING

Willa stirs the fire. Joe, heavily bandaged, brings branches. Ambrose semiconscious, lies on a bed of fir boughs cushioned with blankets, wrapped in a sleeping bag. DeGaul beside him anoints his head with oil and delivers the last rites.

DEGAUL

Through this Holy anointing may the Lord in his love and mercy help you with the grace of the Holy Spirit. May the Lord who frees you from sin save you and raise you up.

Jody sits with Ambrose’s head in her lap, stroking his hair away from his face.

AMBROSE

Don’t cry for me. Any of you.

Jody just nods, and wipes a tear away. Willa walks away from the fire, frowning.

AMBROSE

(to Jody)

I will wait for you there.

JODY

(whispers)

I won’t be long.

She kisses his forehead. Ambrose’s eyes widen for a moment, looking at her. She nods and smiles sadly.

His eyes unfocus, and he squeezes squeezes DeGaul’s hand. A radiant smile lights his face as if he sees something beautiful beyond his friend’s shoulder. Within a few breaths Ambrose’s smile fades and he is gone.

DEGAUL

(choking up)

Good bye my friend. God grant I will be as brave as you when my time comes.

He tucks a blanket up under Ambrose’s chin.

JODY

How long were you friends?

DEGAUL

(wiping at his eyes)

Oh my. Let’s see now. forty-four years. I have no idea what I’ll do without his exasperating humor to get me through the day.

JOE

Maybe you could get a cat.

DEGAUL

(still crying)

Yes. It would be about the same.

Jody looks up at the stars.

JODY

Which one do you think God gave him?

DEGAUL

Pardon?

JOE

They’re all campfires.

JODY

He’ll be waiting for us. Bannock cooking. Fish frying.

DEGAUL

(Laugh/crying)

That would be a miracle. He never learned to fish.

JOE

You can’t fish in heaven? What good is that? Come on, believe in some miracles, eh. Geez, I’m more of a priest than you.

DEGAUL

You could be right. The Church has always had a side like a drunken uncle: the embarrassing one nobody brings to dinner. I think I gave my notice.

JODY

You…gave your notice?

DEGAUL

I quit. I can’t be part of…this anymore. Oh, not my faith in God. Never. I couldn’t. But something is broken in the church and no one wants to fix it. There are groups no one knows about with their own agendas all fighting to steer the church their own way. And, Dear God, I could use John’s counsel right now.

They listen to the fire pop and the foxes bark in the trees.

JODY

If John was sayin’ this to you. What would you tell him?

DeGaul looks down, as if the two of them are twined together in the confessional again.

DEGAUL

Go away from everyone. Pray and wait on the Lord. Seek his answers in scripture.

JOE

Then do that. You’re gonna need some time to think about things.

DEGAUL

I never knew John had a box full of photographs. That was just like him, to pull a stunt like that in court.

JODY

Did you see the Judge’s face when you said you scalped Angelino’s aide?

JOE

Thought she was gonna pass out when I showed her that little piece of skin.

DEGAUL

It’s sad really. He’ll never understand you can’t order someone to have faith. Everyone experiences it in a different way. I have no idea what I’m going to do now. The church has been my life.

JOE

Well, we got one nobody’s using.

DEGAUL

But I’m not Cree.

JOE

Nobody’s perfect. What’d that reporter say? ‘Scratch the surface and find out half the people in Canada’s a little bit indigenous.’

DEGAUL

So you planned to breed us out? Clever.

JOE

Oh shit! Now I have to kill you.

DEGAUL

No need. I feel a sudden craving for bannock.

The fire pops and sends sparks spiraling upward.

DEGAUL

Thank you. It meant so much to him to set things right. Maybe more will follow his lead.

Jody Looks up at the stars thinking.

JODY

We can always pray.

DEGAUL

Of course we can.

JODY

We’ll teach you to drum. Maybe dance a little.

DEGAUL

Dance? No, I can’t dance…

JODY

Just put in a couple a little hops when you make the cross and maybe a circle…

DEGAUL

In church? You sound just like John.

Their words fade out as the northern lights begin to glitter across the sky, bathing the trees and snow around them in unearthly beauty like a divine blessing.

FADE OUT.

THE END

[Heather Hood]

Hi David, my favorite was “The Hell with heroics”

Heather.

[Heather Hood]

Assignment 14 Memorable lines

What I learned from this assignment is: I can remember a whole bunch of memorable lines from other movies. Wish I could come up with great lines of my own.

I can clearly see some of my favorite lines standing out, but I’m not sure if that makes them memorable.

JODY

How come you only come round when there’s trouble?

WILLA

How come you always make trouble just so I come around?

And

JULES

Do we know where we’re going?

DEGAUL

Into the bowels of hell.

JULES

Well at least it’s somewhere familiar.

But I suppose the one that fits best is:

DEGAUL

There’s a world of difference between devotion to God and religious dogma.

Can anyone help me make that snappy?

[Heather Hood]

Ouch Susan, that’s one nasty guy! Please tell me she’s going to have a wake up call and dump the guy, or feed him to something that will devour him painfully. You sure got a handle on his behavior!

Heather

[Heather Hood]

Wow David, that really works. It plays right into how he believes the worst about himself. Might I have permission to use that line? And thank you that’s truly awesome!

Heather

[Heather Hood]

Protagonist: Father John Ambrose (60)

Ambrose is the priest dying of stage four renal cancer, bent on seeking absolution from the Indigenous girl (Jody Youngblood) he wronged when he was a Teacher at St. Anne’s Residential school in Northern Ontario.

He carries a terrible secret, that he witnessed the headmaster of the school kill students after he had sexually assaulted them and disposed of their bodies in an old storm cellar in a new wing of the building. He took photographs and hid them in a hole on the school property. That man has since become a Cardinal in the Canadian Catholic Church.

Part of Ambrose’s long silence is because of his upbringing. His father was brutal and beat him often. He lived on the street and was arrested five times before finding the church. It was a difficult transition from street tough to priest and he was no poster child for the Priesthood. His sense of humor is irreverent and sarcastic. He often speaks before he thinks then wishes he could take back his words.

The only person he ever formed a relationship with is Bishop Robert DeGaul whom he has known for 55 years. He might have left the church for Jody Youngblood. He truly loved her, but circumstances were taken out of his hands and he believed she died. In truth he is a difficult man to love because he doesn’t love or believe in himself. He believes the cancer is God punishing him.

We could get into Jungian and Freudian beliefs of how abused children believe they are unworthy of love. How they truly believe they have done something wrong etc. They are hard to get close to, either emotionally or physically. We see that with Ambrose: his distance around people. His inability to trust. But really, that sort of deeper esoteric thing is for the actor to mesh with their understanding of the character and decide what works for themself. And if I was directing this movie, I would be choosing this role very carefully, banking on someone with enough experience to do this.

When a person knows they are dying, they need to get their ‘house’ in order. Ambrose is centered in making his last push of energy mean something. Righting a great wrong and making sure the headmaster does not go unpunished. Although he is a man of deep personal faith and belief in God’s promises, he also has to live up to his responsibilities as a priest. So if it’s the last thing he does, he will make things right for those children.

And in doing that, he’s representing all of us who yearn to right grave injustices.

Traits:

Irreverent

Sarcastic

Humble

Dogged

Distant

(Ambrose has just tried to apologize to Jody and she wants nothing to do with him. He is devastated)

EXT. THE CREEK BANK -DAY

Ambrose stares morosely at the water trying to break through thin ice. Twigs snap and crack as Chief Oliver makes his way through the trees toward him.

AMBROSE

We’re all like that:

(gestures to the ice)

So brittle. Too scared to let people see what’s going on underneath.

Old line: People are like that. Covering things up.

CHIEF OLIVER

Jody’s always been a loner. Gotten worse since her husband died.

AMBROSE

The school scarred some of us as well. If you didn’t follow…I was barely more than a boy myself.

CHIEF OLIVER

But you walked away and abandoned those kids who needed you.

Ambrose’s head snaps around to look at Oliver in shock.

AMBROSE

Old line:No, they re-assigned me.

I would have turned into one of them.

CHIEF OLIVER

Would you? Sometimes I want to teach Joe a lesson when he does dumb shit. Does that make me a monster? The truth is, any other teacher, Jody would be dead now, wouldn’t she?

Ambrose can’t say anything to that. He just nods.

CHIEF OLIVER

You might even have saved her life locking her up like that.

AMBROSE

I wouldn’t let Williams do to her what he did to her sister. I loved her.

CHIEF OLIVER

You gotta understand: Jody doesn’t have to forgive you and you have to live with that. Can you?

AMBROSE

I don’t have much choice.

CHIEF OLIVER

You know what the problem is? You walk around as if you’re entitled to everything on earth, even our forgiveness. We know we carry an obligation for the things we’ve been given. It’s our responsibility to care for the land, the people, the air, the water. That’s the difference. You Priests should be on the same walk, but you aren’t, and that’s why things have gone wrong for you.

AMBROSE

You’re speaking to the wrong man.

CHIEF OLIVER

That’s another one who won’t listen. He’s not happy with what you’re trying to do.

AMBROSE

Believe me, we would have left him behind if we could. He’s like the snake in the garden of Eden.

CHIEF OLIVER

My son’s got his faults, but he’s a good judge of character. I just wish he hadn’t pulled a knife to get his point across.

AMBROSE

Joe’s a good kid.

CHIEF OLIVER

Ya he is. He likes you. Come back before he gets worried.

AMBROSE

I’m not exactly dressed for the weather.

The two of them weave their way between the trees toward the cabin.

CHIEF OLIVER

You missed the best part. After you sweat we run into the creek to cool down.

AMBROSE

But there’s ice on the water.

CHIEF OLIVER

Yup. We cool down real fast. It’s fun. Really. You wanna go in?

Ambrose draws the blanket up to his chin.

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s Dramatic Scene Transitions

“What I learned from doing this assignment is… a lot of the transitions I have are mostly “flow” where the scenes naturally follow each other. The dramatic ones are the ones that are different. Perhaps because they need a little more …push. Not for the audience to follow, but simply because they are dramatic.

These scenes have been set up by another earlier on where Jody fishes out the worlds ugliest toque from the survival box to keep Ambrose’s head warm Ambrose is very sick at this point and Jody needs to risk walking out to a trappers cabin. The two get unto an argument and Jody slips over the embankment.

EXT. DOWN THE ROAD – CONTINUOUS

The noise of engines heard faintly through the hiss of falling snow.

Headlights flicker in the distance.

EXT. ROAD – CONTINUOUS

Jody’s jacket begins to tear.

AMBROSE

Hang on! Grab my coat!

Jody fights to find a surface with her feet that doesn’t crumble away. She looks down. Mistake. There is a hundred foot drop to the river.

Jody grabs the blanket wrapped like a poncho around Ambrose.

AMBROSE

Don’t look down!

JODY

Fantastic idea.

AMBROSE

Can you climb up me?

JODY

I can’t hang on…

AMBROSE

Merciful Father, please send a miracle.

EXT. ROAD – CONTINUOUS

SAR1 LEADER

What the hell is that?

Through the blinding snow a
dark ‘rock’ at the edge of the highway sports an ugly orange and pink toque.

[Heather Hood]

Thank you David for your insightful comments. I don’t know if a director would follow my actions – all I can do is tell the story the way I see it unfolding in my head. I have always been told to tell the story, and I can hear Antonio Banderas grinding out elegant words in his thick spanish accent which just makes everything sound so evil. I was always told an antagonist has to absolutely believe they are morally right to pull off their part. This is over the top to me, but that’s what the table read is all about, and the people playing the parts would have their input as well. My job as the writer is to sell the story. I have to paint it clearly so someone sees it and it becomes their dream as well. I am hoping to mentor with someone to get this made, since it’s an ‘own voices’ project

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s Meaningful Action

“What I learned doing this assignment is: I’m beginning to think I might be a better director.

I can clearly see what I want each actor to accomplish in the scene. I chose this one because it’s a talking heads scene. There is very little action in it. I don’t want to tell the actor’s what to do, they need to let their actions come from their understanding of the characters. BUT, at the same time I need to show that DeGaul is the “Divine” element of the trinity I envision, Angelino is the “Fallen” element of the trinity and we are only lacking Ambrose as the “Human” element.

INT. CHURCH OFFICE – DAY

DeGaul paces in front of his window, his arms clenched tightly to keep them from moving.

ANGELINO

You leave me to be met at the airport by a predator.

(gestures at the TV)

Who somehow has information that could bias the entire case against us!

Angelino’s mellifluous Spanish accent makes him sound like the devil rounding up souls for breakfast.

Behind DeGaul’s desk, in DeGaul’s chair, he leans with steepled arms on DeGaul’s elegant ink blotter fussing with DeGaul’s fountain pen.

DEGAUL

It would only have been worse had I shown up to meet you. I don’t know who is leaking information to the press, but I promise I’ll find out and deal with the matter.

ANGELINO

Will you? Your judgement in this matter shows an extraordinary lack of understanding.

DEGAUL

I did what was necessary. What I thought to be right.

ANGELINO

And so, Mother Church must now pay restitution to yet another tribe of heathens for civilizing their children and bringing them to the glories of God?

DEGAUL

“Civilizing” their children? The glories of God? Is that what you call murder?

ANGELINO

The war of evangelization has always had casualties. You must justify what happened that way.

DEGAUL

No sir, I will not! I did not join the church to murder children, but to save their eternal souls. And I will defend anyone under my supervision who repents of his sins. It is my duty.

ANGELINO

A noble sentiment but a misguided one. Make no mistake. We are under siege by an enemy who will even use children against us. Please, sit down. I am getting a sore neck staring up at you.

DeGaul sits, affronted it must be in the chair across from his own desk.

DEGAUL

This is the official explanation is it then? The children were possessed. Exorcism gone wrong? One hundred and sixty-three times.

ANGELINO

When a nation is defeated we do not bargain with the conquered. We trample them. You have given them land and housing. Schooling. More money than many will see in their lifetimes, and yet now they whine because they want more? Let the lawyers argue over these technicalities.

DEGAUL

The First Nations of Canada have never been enemies. Do not treat them that way.

ANGELINO

And how would you have me treat them?

DEGAUL

The Catholic church has always been a beacon of light times of darkness. Can you not show these people the love of Christ, or have you fallen so far you’ve completely forgotten His commandments?

ANGELINO

A beacon of light? We are a surgical instrument. Cancer must be excised before it spreads to the host. If they win this case, how long before another heathen tribe scraping out an existence in the dirt tries the same thing?

DeGaul leans on his desk and searches Angelino’s face.

DEGAUL

Do you have none of the love of Christ in your heart? You see suppositions where none exist.

ANGELINO

Yet. Tend your flock, Bishop. That is where your strength lies.

DEGAUL

How would you know? You don’t know the first thing about me.

Angelino rises from the desk and reaches for his coat and scarf. He pulls a thick file from his briefcase and slaps it on the desk.

ANGELINO

That is where you are mistaken. I know a great deal about you. I know you are wasted here.

He shrugs into the coat and arranges it with care.

ANGELINO

I hear the coast of France is lovely at this time of year. So much easier on the bones as one ages. Of course you can always live out your days in that miserable, pest ridden…bog…in where was it? Oh yes, Manitoba. Do let me know what you think.

DEGAUL

Did you just threaten me?

Angelino looks wounded. It doesn’t sit well on his face.

ANGELINO

We shall meet in the morning to straighten out the mess you have made of things.

DeGaul looks at the file. Anger descends like holy fire. His whole life is chronicled there.

DEGAUL

“What profits a man if he gains the whole world but loses his soul?” A person should remember that as he rises through the ranks, Cardinal.

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s Uplifted Scene

What I learned from this assignment:

By starting from the beginning and taking the beats, actions and scenes together I could iron out problems with a difficult scene to get a message across in a way that didn’t broadcast the story, but has a little more subtext.

I’ve re-written this scene at least 5 times. While it still isn’t quite ‘there’ yet, it’s the most difficult one in the whole script. I need to establish Ambrose has unfinished business no one knows about that sets up the twist at the end (he has hidden proof of the murders) and that Joe is one of the suicidal teens on the Rez. Without broadcasting everything.

EXT. BACKYARD – NIGHT

Ambrose wanders out the glass door to the backyard. Joe smokes a cigarette on the picnic table.

JOE

Can’t sleep?

AMBROSE

When you get old, everything gets turned around. Sleep in the day, awake at night.

JOE

Oh. So that’s a real thing. I thought the old man was just keeping an eye on me.

AMBROSE

Well that’s his job. One day you’ll do the same with your son.

JOE

Not me. Not havin’ kids.

AMBROSE

Why not?

JOE

Could get stuck with a kid like me.

AMBROSE

What’s wrong with you?

JOE

You saw.

AMBROSE

Your temper? Find another way to express your anger.

JOE

Dude, I try. It always comes out like there’s a fire inside me. A guy like you wouldn’t understand.

AMBROSE

We aren’t so different. When I was your age, I lived on the streets. Can’t count the all the broken bones I had before I finally learned to walk away.

JOE

Who hears you then? My words don’t matter anyway. No one listens.

Joe toys with his knife, drawing it up and down his forearm where the blood vessels show.

AMBROSE

I’m listening.

JOE

Fucking great. So bring back the dead, Mr. Priest. Make everything right.

AMBROSE

I wish I could. Have you ever hurt someone you loved? I mean when you didn’t mean to. When you were just trying to do the right thing?

JOE

I guess so. Ya.

Ambrose watches Joe with the knife.

AMBROSE

A part of you just dies, and it eats at you until you want to end things, just to stop the pain.

Joe slowly puts the knife on the picnic table.

JOE

(whispering)

How do you make it stop?

AMBROSE

Do the hard thing. Tell them you were wrong. Maybe they’ll forgive you. Maybe they won’t. But you have to try to make amends.

JOE

Is that what you did?

AMBROSE

I’m trying. I don’t know if she’ll speak to me or if I’ll live long enough. And I’m not as strong as I thought I was. I don’t have anyone I can trust.

JOE

You ain’t looking too good now, bro.

AMBROSE

And here I thought the new diet was working.

JOE

Hate to break it to you. Mom’s cilantro don’t work miracles. You need to do a sweat with His Spirit Falls. Lives way out in the bush. Ya, he could help you.

AMBROSE

Thank you, Joe, but I think I’m beyond help now.

JOE

You shouldn’t say negative things. That’s what our Elders teach us. I’ll ask him. If he says yes, you come sweat with us. Part of me making amends. Deal?

AMBROSE

(reluctant)

Deal.

Joe holds out a fist. Ambrose gives it a bump like it’s the serpent in the garden of Eden.

JOE

So what d’you need?

Ambrose beacons him closer. He whispers something in Joe’s ear. Joe’s eyes grow wide.

AMBROSE

I’m…I just can’t make it back there.

JOE

Why the fuck didn’t you say something?

AMBROSE

Insurance. Merciful God, I’m actually going to say this – would anyone have cared?

JOE

Shit no. Little Indian kids, that’s all. Fuck!

AMBROSE

Can you… In case I don’t make it. Use your fire. Make them listen?

JOE

Ya, dude. Count on it. Even if it kills me.

Joe stands and sheaths his knife with new found purpose.

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s Elevated Story Beats

What I learned through doing this assignment is:

I wish Writing the Profound Screenplay and this course had been combined. It would have been so much easier to see where improvements on my other script came together. I took this script through what I learned in that course, but now I see where I can make further improvements on it.

The whole idea in writing this script was to be a study in faith and how it touches peoples lives in crisis. The crisis being a monster (the headmaster of a Residential school inflicting abuse and getting away from it), three aspects of a regimented religion (the Holy trinity) and innocence, in the form of the indigenous peoples of North America. Normally I write the book first. This time I wrote the script.

I have rewritten the beats using the idea that I have switched Jody’s gender from male to female. I think it makes a more interesting screenplay, but would really welcome any comments on that idea because I’m on the fence about it.

Beat 7 .Value 4 Ambrose and Joe strike up a friendship. They are both guys from the hard side of the street, with quick tempers. Ambrose shares a secret with Joe, he has a box of photos stashed in a secret spot at the school. He’s just too sick to get them. Joe vows he’ll bring them to court as part of his way of making amends for pulling a knife on Angelino if Ambrose will come to a healing ceremony at a sweat lodge run by Joseph His Spirit Falls From The Sky.

New beat improvement 7. Keep in the conversation about learning to handle out of control tempers. Add in how easy it is to hurt people you love when you don’t mean to, how hard it is to ask for forgiveness – it doesn’t matter what age you are, these are universal themes everyone struggles with. Then Ambrose can ask Joe for help to get the photos to help him feel self worth now he knows how close to suicide Joe is.

Beat 9. Value 4 Since Jody is being stubborn, his daughter and the Chief decide he should be the one to drive Ambrose on the long journey to the hospital for dialysis before Christmas. They take his daughter, Willa’s, old truck. It dies on a forest service road in the middle of nowhere in a blizzard.

Beat 9) New improved beat: The chief decides to force Jody to listen to what Ambrose has to say by making her drive Ambrose for dialysis. They take Willa’s old truck and get caught in a blizzard. Jody decides they need to walk out to a main road because Ambrose is too sick to wait for help. All the pain and anger comes out on their walk down the mountain in the blizzard. Ambrose struggles but is fading. Jody tries her best to get him to a trapper’s cabin, dragging him in the deep snow when he can’t walk any more.

Beat10 Value 5 Jody builds a shelter to wait out the weather. Ambrose hasn’t told anyone his IV port has gone septic and he’s got a serious infection. Jody has to use every bit of knowledge he knows to get Ambrose through the night alive.

New improved beat: 10) Ambrose tells her to just leave him. She can’t, he’s their star witness. Does she still love him? Maybe. The snow is so thick she doesn’t realize how close to the edge of the road she is and slips over the embankment. Ambrose desperately tries to haul her up, weak as he is without going over himself and just as it appears they are both going over, search and rescue find them.

[Heather Hood]

Hi Cheryl,

I got lesson 7 and 8 mixed up. The one posted already belongs to lesson 8. The one I have included here belongs in lesson 7. So sorry for the mix up. Is there any way to fix things?

Heather

Assignment 7 beats and assigning them value.

What I learned from doing this. I got a clear picture of where I needed to work on the script.

1.V7 Father John Ambrose is dying of Kidney cancer. He must ask forgiveness from the boy he abused in a Residential school if he wants absolution for his sins.

2 V7. Father Ambrose confesses the headmaster of the school not only abused the children, he murdered them as well. Ambrose knows where the bodies are buried.

3.V7 Bishop DeGaul And Ambrose head to the Cree Reservation affected by the school, to try and make things right. The Vatican sends a Lawyer, Cardinal Angelino, to counter the Cree’s demands for restitution, unaware Father Ambrose is acting as their witness.

4.V6 163 bodies are unearthed from a pit beneath the stairs of the school. Jody Youngblood (Father Ambrose’s young victim) now much older, is too distressed to identify the remains.

5.V8 On the way to the Reservation, all three Priests are attacked by a gang of young teens out for revenge. The Chief’s son, Joe, pulls a knife on Angelino. Joe is arrested.

6. V 3 The Priests stay at the Chief’s house. The reservation is as divided as the Chief’s family. Some want to move on, some want restitution.

7. V 4 Ambrose and Joe strike up a friendship. They are both guys from the hard side of the street, with quick tempers. Ambrose shares a secret with Joe, he has a box of photos stashed in a secret spot at the school. He’s just too sick to get them. Joe vows he’ll bring them to court as part of his way of making amends for pulling a knife on Angelino if Ambrose will come to a healing ceremony at a sweat lodge run by Joseph His Spirit Falls From The Sky.

8. V 4 At the sweat ceremony Ambrose sees how bad Jody’s PTSD is from being locked in the tiny cupboard so many years ago. He tries to apologize but Jody refuses to hear him. The Chief explains Ambrose has to live with that if he chooses not to forgive him. Ambrose is gutted.

9. V 4 Since Jody is being stubborn, his daughter and the Chief decide he should be the one to drive Ambrose on the long journey to the hospital for dialysis before Christmas. They take his daughter, Willa’s, old truck. It dies on a forest service road in the middle of nowhere in a blizzard.

10 V 5 Jody builds a shelter to wait out the weather. Ambrose hasn’t told anyone his IV port has gone septic and he’s got a serious infection. Jody has to use every bit of knowledge he knows to get Ambrose through the night alive.

11. V 5 Search and rescue find them and get them to the hospital where Ambrose is stabilized.

12. V 10 Just when it looks like Ambrose is going to be OK, one of Angelino’s aides poisons Ambrose so he can’t testify. Jody decides to donate one of his kidneys so Ambrose can pull though. When Ambrose asks why, Jody says “I forgave you.”

13. V 6 Angelino threatens DeGaul, vowing to rip away his position of Bishop and bust him back to a mere priest if Ambrose testifies. DeGaul calls his bluff .by resigning.

14.V! 10 The day of court dawns, the press amasses but no one is allowed in except those involved. Ambrose gives his testimony.

15 V 10 Joe goes for the box of Photos, but Angelino’s other aide is right behind him. Joe leads him to a canyon and almost dies but manages to make it to court and present the hard evidence the Judge needs. The Cree Nation wins their case.

16. V 10 Ambrose chooses to die out in the forest where he can feel God all around him. DeGaul renounces his position in the church, choosing to be a simple priest instead. Jody suggests he come be the priest at the reservation since they need one.

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s Introduction of primary characters in Absolution.

What I learned from doing this was: not exactly clear. It’s easy for me to be descriptive. Not so easy to rein in the description and make things condensed. One of the things I get nicked for most often is to keep things short. I was going for mood here. I don’t know if I accomplished it, so I tried to show the service thru Father Ambrose’s very sick point of view.

FADE IN:

INT. ST. PETER’S CATHEDRAL BASILICA, LONDON ONTARIO – DAY

The morning Advent service before Christmas. Two priests conduct a communion service that appears to have transported the few parishioners back 500 years.

A choir sings the Wexford carol in heart stopping acapella harmony that echoes from every decorated nook.

CHIOR

“Good people all, this Christmas time, consider well and bear in mind , the gracious thing that our good God has done in sending us His Holy Son.”

Father JOHN AMBROSE (60 – 65) concentrates on the pure voice of a young boy soaring above the others, while he places one foot carefully in front of the other, carrying the cup of wine in his trembling hands.

CHIOR

“With Holy Mary we should pray to God with love this Christmas day to Bethlehem upon that morn, there was a blessed Messiah born”.

He would rather suffer crucifixion than have anyone notice how sick he is. He hangs onto the world: a stubborn, holy, cat-stuck-in-a-tree, as the world spins like a child’s kaleidoscope.

CHIOR

“Near Bethlehem did shepherds keep their flocks of lambs and feeding sheep, to whom Gods angels did appear, which put the angels in great fear.”

Light beams through the bright stained glass windows: twinkling on dust motes like holy glitter. Candles flicker, gilding the robes of BISHOP ROBERT DEGAUL (70’s), as he performs the stately dance of Communion, ahead of Ambrose.

The Bishop, luminescent in his clerical robes like a knight of old, has no sword that will slay the pain his oldest friend battles. DeGaul, who preaches the assurance of salvation, wrestles with his faith this bright day.

The choir’s hymn drowns out their low words as they pass the bread and wine from parishioner to parishioner.

A man, JULES, steadies Ambrose’s hand in sympathy. His skin contrasts yellow against Jules’ fair complexion.

AMBROSE

God go with you, my Son.

JULES

And also with you, Father.

Ambrose turns to place the cup on the alter. It misses the edge, spilling scarlet wine in a puddle over the pristine white alter cloth.

Ambrose hits the floor.

The rising parishioners gasp. Jules joins Bishop DeGaul, moving Ambrose into a comfortable position.

DEGAUL

John, can you hear me?

Ambrose sees DeGaul’s face blurred, very small and far away.

JULES

Should I call an ambulance?

The words echo in Ambrose’s ears like a retreating tide.

DEGAUL

Let’s get him to the office and see if he comes around.

(To the concerned people)

DEGAUL

Don’t worry, I won’t be giving him the last rites just yet.

To Ambrose, the faces around him have all blurred together.

JULES

Is there anything we can do?

DEGAUL

Prayer. It’s what he needs the most right now.

DeGaul waves another priest over to continue with the service, and the two men carry Ambrose away out the back.

PRIEST

Please be seated. Let us speak of compassion during this season of advent: the compassion our Father in heaven showed to us in sending His only Son to save us from our sins. Often we forget our obligations: to forgive, as we were forgiven, to show compassion to others as God showed compassion to us…

[Heather Hood]

Thanks for your input David. I chose Kidney cancer because I have a friend going through it right now. I monitor him quite closely as I was a paliative care nurse. I’m imagining his port to be central along the chest, so if he showers or sweats there can be a danger of breakdown and it can happen within a few days. What was wierd was that as I was writing this, my friend had this exact senerio happen. We almost lost him. Deja vu.

[Heather Hood]

Subject: Heather’s Character Story Beats for Absolution

What I learned doing this assignment is: pay attention to the details. Even the small parts can make the difference. Or: there are no small parts.

Protagonist:

Father John Ambrose:

– In stage 4 kidney cancer, wants forgiveness for the abuse he was forced to commit as a teacher at St. Anne’s residential school.

– searches out Jody Youngblood to ask for forgiveness and gets progressively sicker.

– dies sure of his place in heaven.

Ambrose’s story beats:

– Ambrose confesses his sin to Bishop DeGaul who instructs him to seek forgiveness from Jody Youngblood.

– Seeks out Jody who wants nothing to do with him.

– Strikes up a friendship with the Chief’s son Joe.

– Needs to go for dialysis but hasn’t told anyone his IV port is septic.

– Heads to the hospital with Jody driving – the truck breaks down in a blizzard.

– Tries to make it to the nearest road following Jody but can’t.

– Ambrose tells Jody the truth in the face of Jody’s anger: how he saved him from being killed by locking him in a small cupboard until the headmaster forgot about him.

– Ambrose and Jody are rescued and taken to hospital, but one of Angelino’s aides poisons him.

– Jody tries to save him by donating his kidney -his way of saying he forgives him.

– He gives his testimony in Court, knowing this is the last task he must accomplish.

– Chooses to die outside surrounded by nature, where God is all around him, like the Cree believe, sure of his welcome in heaven.

Bishop Robert DeGaul

Supporting Character for Protagonist

– Head of Dioses for southern Ontario, and Ambrose’s oldest friend.

– Hearing Ambrose’s confession realizes he is responsible for bringing the church to accounting for the murders committed by the headmaster of the school – who is now a Cardinal.

– Loses his faith in the Catholic church but maintains his faith in God.

DeGaul’s Story beats:

– Hears Ambrose’s confession and tells him he must seek forgiveness from Jody Youngblood.

– Informs the Reservation there is a burial pit under the school and arranges for a wrecker to dig out the bodies.

– Sends a letter to the Reservation Council asking for accommodation while they collect evidence from the survivors to use in court.

– Acts as a go between the Reservation and the church when Angelino shows up.

– Tries to take care of Ambrose as he gets sicker and Angelino stirs up trouble.

– Gives testimony in Court – truth over church dogma, not caring about what Angelino will do to him.

– Gives Ambrose the last rites and feels bereft, unsure of what he will do now that he has cut ties with the church.

Cardinal Ignacio Angelino

Antagonist:

– Head of a secret ancient order with its roots stemming from the Spanish Inquisition, founded to root out dissent within the Church.

– Sent by the Pope to deal with the ‘Indian problem’ once and for all, by any means necessary.

– Unable to bribe DeGaul or kill Ambrose, the order is exposed and Angelino is sent to jail for attempted murder.

Angelino’s story beats:

– Angelino arrives in Canada where he suffers through an Advent service, quietly arguing with the heads of the Canadian Catholic church.

– He flies to Ontario and arrives at the airport to be greeted by a media frenzy and an angry anti Catholic protest.

– Taking his anger out on DeGaul, he does not expect someone who stands up to him.

– He tries to bribe DeGaul. That doesn’t work either.

– At the reservation a gang of teenagers threaten to castrate him.

– He sees nothing but savages who need to be enlightened.

– When DeGaul and Ambrose seem to be siding with the natives, he instructs his aides to burn the reservation church down and plant evidence on DeGaul.

– When Ambrose survives the blizzard he instructs his aides to do God’s work and send Ambrose home – the aide injects poison into Ambrose’s IV line.

– Before the trial, instructs one of the aides to intercept Joe and seize the photos.

Jody Youngblood:

Connecting Character: The reason everyone is all there.

– Holds his anger like a shield in front of him cutting everyone who wants to be in his life away.

– Blaming his past behavior on someone else means he doesn’t have to take responsibility for anything in his life.

– Jody needs to grow up and see other people deal with problems too.

Jody’s story beats:

– Jody just wants to be left alone. He doesn’t want to remember the past.

– He resents people pressuring him to do painful things like remembering. Identify bodies. Tell painful stories. See Ambrose.

– He doesn’t want to do a sweat with a white priest.

– He sure doesn’t want to take him to the hospital and he isn’t ready to hear his words of apology.

– He’s stunned when he realizes Ambrose saved him from being killed by the headmaster. He doesn’t know what to say, but he knows he has to keep him alive, just like Ambrose kept him alive so many years ago.

– Jody gets Ambrose to the hospital, but then the aide poisons him. He realizes Ambrose may never wake up and hear him say the words. Jody is a match for a donor. He gives him a kidney so he will know he’s forgiven.

– In court he gets to tell the world exactly how he feels– a spokes person for every First Nation child abused by the Catholic church. He is restrained and dignified. Not at all what anyone was expecting.

– When Ambrose is fading and says he doesn’t want to die in a hospital, Jody takes him back up the mountain and lets him die outside under the sky. He becomes the friend DeGaul needs.

Supporting Antagonist Character

I don’t really have one. The closest I have is Angelino’s aides. If I craft a scene or two where he is giving them unction to do the things they have to do (Murder Ambrose and Joe) it might work. It would make the antagonist part more definite, and not some vague secret club in the Vatican. It’s just my Latin sucks, and the prayers are in Spanish (which I speak) or Latin (spoken at the time of the Spanish Inquisition.

Or I could make just one aide a real character and go from there.

Or have a traitor on the reservation willing to help Angelino. For a price…hmmm.

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s Assignment Day 4

What I learned from doing this:

I always do character studies, but not with this structure. This way is targeted to actually use in your screenplay as opposed to a novel.

1. List your logline.

Absolution: A dying priest, the only witness to the murders at a Residential School, seeks forgiveness from the boy he abused – before a renegade attorney from the Vatican silences them both.

The Trinity:

A)

Father John Ambrose – dying from Kidney cancer. The Priest seeking redemption.

Core Character traits:

A little more worldly than your average priest

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Exasperating sense of humor.

Tenacious

Faithful

Flaw: Doesn’t believe in himself

Character Arc: His faith becomes stronger as he sees the Cree’s outlook of God

Secret – has stashed photographs of the headmaster murdering children in a stone wall.

Character subtext Logline:

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, even though I am not worthy”.

Improvement: Ambrose’s faith wavers throughout because of what he has witnessed in the church. He learns to see God in everything through Jody’s eyes and his faith becomes strong. When he dies, it is with a radiant smile on his face. He knows where he is going.

B)

Bishop Robert DeGaul – head of the dioses for Southern Ontario and Ambrose’s superior. Also Ambrose’s longest friend.

Core character traits:

Could be described as a “Warrior of God.”

Gracious

Dignified

Courageous

Character Arc – his faith in the Catholic church withers over the course of the story, until he choses to become a simple man of God – a hermit, (although it is not stated outright but implied)

Something they don’t want to admit about themselves – He is tired from carrying the confessions of all of those who have come to him for absolution. He just wants to take off the armor of God and find peace.

Character’s subtext logline:

“Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for thou art with me. Even those evils that hide within the church.”

Improvement: DeGaul’s arc is a negative arc throughout the story. But by giving him a community to belong to and an accomplished goal, he is the tired warrior allowed to rest at the end of the movie.

C)

Cardinal Ignacio Angelino: Lawyer representing the Vatican

Core character traits:

Fixated

Devoid of humor

Driven

Absolutely believes he is righteous

Flaw:

So concentrated on his goal he can’t see what’s around him.

Mission/Agenda

To do whatever it takes to ensure the continuation of his order within the Holy

Roman Catholic Church.

Improvement: Angelino was just a quazi- antagonist before. Now he has more depth.

Character’s subtext logline: “Who may ascend into the hill of the Lord? And who may stand in his Holy place?” Those of us who do the hard things that must be done in the name of the Lord.

Jody Youngblood: the child Ambrose was forced to lock in a tiny cupboard until he stopped speaking his native language.

Core Character traits:

PTSD – claustrophobia and mistrust

Alcoholic

Loner

Deep thinker

Wilderness expert

Character Flaw: Stubborn

Want: the closeness of a brother he used to have with Ambrose.

Character subtext logline:

Everyone is out to hurt to hurt you. Don’t trust anyone, because they always leave you.

Improvement: Having Jody be responsible for the man who he blames for his whole life’s problems makes him confront the truth that other people have life and death issues they have to confront in their lives. Ambrose didn’t abandon him. He saved him from being one of those murdered children. The price was Ambrose being shipped somewhere else and being unable to contact him. Jody has to face this issue and stop blaming Ambrose for the way his life turned out.

Joe Oliver: 18 year old son of the Chief.

Core character traits:

Angry
Unsure

Quick thinker

Well liked

Character Flaw: leaps before he looks.

Mission: Wants to make a difference in the world.

Character subtext logline: What do I have to do to make people notice me and not my race?

Improvement: By having Joe
take responsibility for getting the evidence to the courtroom when Ambrose
can’t, it pulls him out of his teenage angst and makes him grow. He’s doing
this for the community, not for himself and the fact he has to fight someone trying
to kill him solidifies the whole experience for him.

[Heather Hood]

ASSIGNMENT 1
———————
Heather’s Story Beats

“What I’ve learned doing this assignment is…?”

It’s a heck of a lot easier to see where to problems are using beats than pouring over the script AGAIN!

Also I learned to use Final Draft’s beat board!

1. Give us your logline.

A dying priest, the only witness to the murders at a Residential School, seeks forgiveness from the boy he abused – before a renegade attorney from the Vatican silences them both.

2. List the current beats of your script. Number them as I did above.

I have 85 scenes. Listing the beats enabled me to see I have 5 acts and can cut out some of these scenes and make the script shorter.

3. Starting from the end, flag the beats that need help.

A)I have to make a decision who goes for the box of photographs. The chief’s son or Jody. Having Jody bring them in works better for his character, but the same could be said for Joe’s character as he has lost so many friends to suicide. Decisions, decisions…

B)The most important beat I was able to work with was the scenes where Ambrose and Jody get caught in the blizzard on the way to Ambrose’s kidney dialysis. Jody is forced to make a decision that affects not only Ambrose’s welfare but the tribes as well – he has to get Ambrose to a road where someone will find them and get Ambrose to a hospital. Before the scene was static, waiting for search and rescue to find them , now it really is life or death.

It also gives Jody a chance to vent the anger he couldn’t as a child and Ambrose just has to take it.

C)The scene at the airport when Angelino arrives works better if there are protesters there against the church, rather than just the press.

4. Tell us which beats you separated out and how you’ve changed
each of those beats.

Original beats

1. Father John Ambrose is dying of Kidney cancer. He must ask forgiveness from the boy he abused in a Residential school if he wants absolution for his sins.

2. Father Ambrose confesses the headmaster of the school not only abused the children, he murdered them as well. Ambrose knows where the bodies are buried.

3. Bishop DeGaul And Ambrose head to the Cree Reservation affected by the school, to try and make things right. The Vatican sends a Lawyer, Cardinal Angelino, to counter the Cree’s demands for restitution, unaware Father Ambrose is acting as their witness.

4. 163 bodies are unearthed from a pit beneath the stairs of the school. Jody Youngblood (Father Ambrose’s young victim) now much older, is too distressed to identify the remains.

5. On the way to the Reservation, all three Priests are attacked by a gang of young teens out for revenge. The Chief’s son, Joe, pulls a knife on Angelino. Joe is arrested.

6. The Priests stay at the Chief’s house. The reservation is as divided as the Chief’s family. Some want to move on, some want restitution.

7. Ambrose and Joe strike up a friendship. They are both guys from the hard side of the street, with quick tempers. Ambrose shares a secret with Joe, he has a box of photos stashed in a secret spot at the school. He’s just too sick to get them. Joe vows he’ll bring them to court as part of his way of making amends for pulling a knife on Angelino if Ambrose will come to a healing ceremony at a sweat lodge run by Joseph His Spirit Falls From The Sky.

8. At the sweat ceremony Ambrose sees how bad Jody’s PTSD is from being locked in the tiny cupboard so many years ago. He tries to apologize but Jody refuses to hear him. The Chief explains Ambrose has to live with that if he chooses not to forgive him. Ambrose is gutted.

9. Since Jody is being stubborn, his daughter and the Chief decide he should be the one to drive Ambrose on the long journey to the hospital for dialysis before Christmas. They take his daughter, Willa’s, old truck. It dies on a forest service road in the middle of nowhere in a blizzard.

10. Jody builds a shelter to wait out the weather. Ambrose hasn’t told anyone his IV port has gone septic and he’s got a serious infection. Jody has to use every bit of knowledge he knows to get Ambrose through the night alive.

11. Search and rescue find them and get them to the hospital where Ambrose is stabilized.

12. Just when it looks like Ambrose is going to be OK, one of Angelino’s aides poisons Ambrose so he can’t testify. Jody decides to donate one of his kidneys so Ambrose can pull though. When Ambrose asks why, Jody says “I forgave you.”

13. Angelino threatens DeGaul, vowing to rip away his position of Bishop and bust him back to a mere priest if Ambrose testifies. DeGaul calls his bluff.

14. The day of court dawns, the press amasses but no one is allowed in except those involved. Joe goes for the box of Photos, but Angelino’s other aide is right behind him. Joe leads him to a canyon and almost dies but manages to make it to court and present the hard evidence the Judge needs.

15. The Cree Nation wins their case. Ambrose chooses to die out in the forest where he can feel God all around him. DeGaul renounces his position in the church, choosing to be a simple priest instead. Jody suggests he come be the priest at the reservation since they need one.

5. Conclude with your new list of beats.

The new beats are:

Beat 3: The scene at the airport when Angelino arrives is no longer just a bunch of people welcoming their families etc for Christmas. It’s the press and protesters decrying the Vatican’s stance on how they are handling the situation.

Beat 10 and 11

This has been changed (or is in the process of being changed) to a shorter more active scene where Jody is practically carrying Ambrose through a storm to a road where searchers can find them. It goes against all the rules of survival in a blizzard but hey, when has a movie ever done anything by the book?

Beat 7

I am still on the fence about this one, whether Joe should be the one to go for the photos, or Jody. Physically it makes more sense for Joe to do this. He’s younger and fitter. Also the timing of the witnesses for court makes more sense this way. I think I’m going to write it both ways and see what happens later on before I make a final decision.

[Heather Hood]

What I learned about this assignment: there are a myriad of paths you can take your characters down, but only some lead to elevating the story.<div class=””>

1. Opening:

Father Ambrose passes out during an Advent communion service. We learn he is dying of kidney cancer, kept alive by dialysis in the hopes of finding a kidney transplant. He confesses to Bishop DeGaul, his superior, he believes this is his punishment for his sins inflicted on a child he abused as a teacher in St. Anne’s residential school. He also lets go of a secret he has been carrying for more than 40 years: the headmaster of the school murdered children after having sex with them and disposed of them in an old storm cellar beneath the school.

2.Inciting Incident:

Bishop DeGaul tells Ambrose if he really wants to be absolved of his sins, he must seek forgiveness from the young boy he abused (Jody Youngblood). Ambrose protests his weakness, but DeGaul is adamant.

3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about:

Father Ambrose seeks forgiveness for his sins as the church must seek forgiveness for the actions against the Cree nation for their treatment of the children in their care.

First turning point at end of Act 1:

DeGaul contacts the Cree Band whose land The school sits on and the tribal elders hold a meeting at the Two Pines Reservation. The school is dug up and 163 skeletons are found in a pit beneath a set of stairs. The entire Reservation goes into mourning and outrage. They hire a lawyer to take the Catholic church to court.

Mid-Point:

This is not a good time to be a Catholic priest on the Two Pines Reservation. Yet Ambrose and DeGaul try to navigate forgiveness for the wrong done to the Reservation’s relations. Jody Youngblood would rather die than talk to Ambrose. Forgiveness? He can forget about that – Jody was locked in a tiny little cupboard for 5 solid days just for speaking his native tongue. He has claustrophobia so bad he had to rip all the walls out of his house and self medicates with alcohol just to stand being inside.

But there are people on the Rez who just want peace. Who just want to move forward. These are the ones welcoming the priests into their home since the Rez is so remote there are no motels for miles. These are the ones recognizing no one from the church has ever stepped forward to be a witness for their side: who can testify to what the priests and nuns actually did to the students. These are the people who need to keep Ambrose alive because the Vatican has sent a lawyer of their own to shadow them. And Cardinal Ignacio Angelino has his own agenda that doesn’t answer to anyone other than God. Not even the Pope.

Second turning point at end of Act 2:

Ambrose has missed his appointment for dialysis, and with Christmas holidays looming, it’s imperative he get treatment. The Chief decides since he needs to speak to Jody, Jody can drive him to the appointment. Ambrose is too sick to say much and Jody is too wierded out because of how sick Ambrose is and the responsibility of driving the tribe’s star witness.

Crisis:

A blizzard blows in and Jody and Ambrose are stranded in the middle of nowhere when the truck dies. Ambrose’s port has gone septic and he’s running a deadly fever that could finish him. Jody only knows bush medicine and wilderness survival.

Elevating the structure: currently Jody builds a survival shelter to wait out the storm. It might be better if I have him build a travois and try and haul Ambrose out to the nearest road where he can flag down help. Also that gives him a chance to ‘vent’ his anger.

Climax:

Search and rescue find them and get Ambrose to a hospital. Instead of being safe one of Angelino’s aides tries to poison Ambrose. He is left too weak to retrieve the box of photos he needs for evidence from the school. He must trust the Chief’s son to get them.

While getting the box, Angelino’s other aide tries to kill the Chief’s son, but he outwits him and staggers into the courtroom at the last minute with the evidence to support Ambrose’s claims.

Elevation: What if Jody doesn’t forgive Ambrose at all? What if Jody has to be the one retrieving the photos? Then he is forced to see what Ambrose risked in order to take them. He would understand if it had been any other teacher, he would have been dead. No one else would have let him out of the cupboard. And that would lead to Jody questioning what he believes about his entire past.

Resolution:

The Cree win their case, Angelino goes to jail. Ambrose chooses to die under the stars where he can see God all around him. DeGaul resigns his position from the Catholic church, choosing to be a humble servant of God.

</div>

[Heather Hood]

Thank you <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>George Strakosch, I posted some thoughts on your One page under assignment 2 (don’t know why I thought it was assignment 2). If it works better to connect in real time, this is my email address heather13hood@gmail.com

[Heather Hood]

George Strakosch, thank you for partnering with me and giving me the opportunity to review your logline and One Page. Here are my thoughts:

LOGLINE

An undercover FBI agent is about to bring down a major mob boss when the criminal announces he is running for President, forcing the FBI to stand down and the agent to disobey orders and go rogue, moving deeper into this presidential campaign run by a crime family, in order to bring him to justice.

An undercover FBI agent is forced to stand down from an investigation of a major mob boss when the criminal announces he is running for President. The agent disobeys orders and goes rogue, moving deeper into the presidential campaign funded by a crime family, in order to bring him to justice.

It’s a little bit more concise, but I have to admit: loglines are not my forte. Is the campaign funded by HIS family? Because you could say ‘when the criminal admits he is running for President in a campaign funded by his family’ and cut it in the following line. Actually, you really don’t need it in there. The story is all about the mob boss and the undercover FBI. The funding will come out later as part of the story, but it really doesn’t add to the logline.

ONE PAGE

Undercover FBI Agent Johnnie Pelazza knows it will be a perfect day. Two years of his work will result in the arrest of mob boss Thomas Morelli. And allow him to go home to his family.

However, the arrest doesn’t happen that morning. Morelli has disappeared. And the U.S. Attorney believes Johnnie warned him of the pending indictment.

So, Johnnie is a suspect already? Why?

Morelli is spotted in New Hampshire. The FBI surrounds him. But the mobster announces to the press that he is running for President! He just registered for the New Hampshire Primary.

He is not arrested. The Department of Justice’s new rules say anyone running for President cannot be indicted. Johnnie and his FBI handler, Patty Burke, are told to stand down.

But Johnnie is obsessed with bringing Morelli to justice. He has a heartbreaking choice: obey FBI orders and let Morelli slip through his fingers or disobey and go back undercover. Losing his job. Losing his family. Maybe losing his life. He chooses to go rogue. He must bring Morelli down.

The intensity of his need to pursue Morelli is something you can use to really bring out Johnnie’s character later. Love this!

Johnnie goes to a high-level mob meeting, infuriating his superiors. Patty is forced to find and bring Johnnie back. She goes undercover as his girlfriend. Caught at the meeting,

What does she do that gives her away and makes her get caught? Is there something between Johnnie and Patty? All food for development later. Great job!

she is psychologically tortured and sexually abused by Ignatius Rinaldi, the mob’s underboss. At gunpoint. With Johnnie forced to watch. She barely escapes with her life.

Ok, I know we can get away with a lot on TV now, but have you thought about how you are going to describe this in the script? You have to sell the story, and not lose the audience along the way. Just sayin’.

Johnnie refuses to leave. He needs to discover Morelli’s plans.

The mob boss says he plans to use the presidency to gain more wealth, more power and immunity. He tells Johnnie he wants him to work on the campaign. To help him become president.

I know we have to hook the audience into watching the show in the first episode, but this seems fast to me. Probably because I’m not seeing the undercover relationship that has been established between Johnnie and Morelli. Would it be more appropriate if Morelli offers him the job and tells him to think about it? Again this is just me thinking because I don’t know their relationship. Maybe you should include this on the one page. How close Johnnie managed to get to Morelli. It seems like Morelli trusts him a lot.

Back at the FBI, Patty overhears the Assistant Attorney General say that the powers in D.C. believe Johnnie is too big a risk and must be eliminated. Johnnie will die tomorrow!

Can Johnnie survive his own government? Can a mob boss successfully run for President? Or can a rogue FBI agent bring him down?

This is a really well thought out first episode for a series. I haven’t watched the Sopranos or any other similar show, so I have no reference to hold this up to. Has this plot been done before? If it hasn’t, then you’ve got a shot. Have you spaced it out for 60 pages?

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>It would be interesting to see this script in depth, with the dialogue and action scenes. How do you keep the voices distinct and fresh?

Heather Hood

[Heather Hood]

If there is anyone looking for a partner I would love to team up with someone.

[Heather Hood]

Hey David, We both have the Spanish Inquisition in our Scripts! Can we pull a Monty Python and shout ‘No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!’?

Heather

Love the ideas you put in the script.

[Heather Hood]

What I learned from writing this assignment: Oy! The need to be concise! I run on at the mouth so much sometimes!

Rewriting the Script: Assignment 1

Logline: A dying priest, with secret knowledge about a Cree Residential School, seeks forgiveness from the boy he abused. All he must do is live long enough to give testimony at the trial between the Cree Nation and the Catholic Church. But the Vatican’s Lawyer is part of an ancient order that will do anything, even murder, to win.

One page: “As ye forgive, so are ye forgiven.”

As Father John Ambrose’s death from kidney cancer approaches, he seeks absolution. He spills his deepest secret to Bishop Robert DeGaul during confession: there is a burial pit beneath St. Anne’s school where the Headmaster dumped the bodies of those he murdered. DeGaul tells him he must seek forgiveness from the young boy he abused, Jody Youngblood, and be a witness to what he saw while DeGaul deals with the horrifying situation of the burial pit.

What started as a humble quest for forgiveness becomes a test of faith for Ambrose and DeGaul as every person at the Two Pines Reservation wants payback, and the Cardinal sent from the Vatican, Ignacio Angelino, is easy prey for their anger. Even the Chief’s son pulls a knife in the heat of the moment, proving Angelino’s claim ‘they are nothing but savages’. Someone even tries to burn down the church on the reserve.

Jody Youngblood isn’t feeling forgiving. He wants nothing to do with Ambrose, whom he blames for all his problems. Having three priests in the Band’s midst at this painful time is hard on everybody. To make matters worse, Ambrose must go for dialysis. Since Jody is being difficult, Chief Oliver decides he should take Ambrose on the lengthy trip to the hospital. True to Canadian form – a vicious Norther blows in stranding them in a broken truck on the side of a mountain, with Ambrose suffering from sepsis. Jody is forced to hear Ambrose’s apology and realizes he knows about the murders at the school. Now he NEEDS to keep Ambrose alive for the trial. But all he knows is bush medicine and it’s a fine time to learn to pray. Search and Rescue find them but it’s touch and go for Ambrose. He realizes a lot of his anger at Ambrose comes from feeling abandoned as a child. Jody beats himself up over that. Forgiveness, it seems, has a whole lot of sharp edges.

It’s a nightmare emergency convoy rush through the deep snow and back country to get Ambrose to the hospital, but they make it. Just when it seems Ambrose is safe and stable, one of Angelino’s aides poisons him.

The trial begins and the press has a field day, but for the Cree Nation and the Catholic Church this is a somber time. Father Ambrose is critically ill. The poison has done its damage. He gives his testimony and it’s damning. Angelino is a master at the art of deflection and downplay. All the witnesses feel discredited. They need hard evidence. Ambrose has an ace in the hole: a box of photos he hid near the school, but he’s too sick to get them. It’s up to the Chief’s son to bring them in, and he’s nowhere in sight. Angelino’s other aide is trying to get the photos away from him and destroy the evidence by dumping it, and the teen, down a deep crevasse.

The boy is wily and gets away, crashes in the doors at the last moment, wounded and bleeding and hands the photos over. At last. Hard evidence. The Cree win their case.

In the end Ambrose dies, but he choses to be out in the bush surrounded by his friends, and his faith in where he is bound is like a lantern. DeGaul sets down his invisible Holy armor to become a simple man of God once more. Angelino has gone to jail, and Jody has come to believe, in his own way, seeing God all around him in everything.

[Heather Hood]

I agree to the terms of the group release form.

Heather Hood

[Heather Hood]

Hi everyone,

My name is Heather. I’ve taken The Profound Screenplay with Hal before and with that guidance was able to whip 2 of my six screenplays into being able to place in a few contests this year. But… there are still comments like “on the nose dialog” and “some characters need more depth” coming back. So obviously I’m missing something somewhere and I hope to tackle the heavy lifting in this course.

Oh ya, I write novels and short stories too. Most of my screenplay ideas are novels that worked better as a visual medium.

So pleased to be working with all you brilliant people!

[Heather Hood]

I hope this is clear enough for people to get a good idea of what the movie is about. Any comments would be welcome. And thank you!

Profound Screenplays

Title: Into the Mist

Written by: Heather Hood

1. What is your profound truth?

Integrity is part of every human being.

2. What is the transformational journey?

· Old Ways: You fight however you must to win.

· Journey: Andrew learns in Canada; everyone is fighting a battle.

· New Way: Win the fight with honor.

Transformational Logline:

In order to bring his daughter to Canada, uncompromising sea captain, Andrew McKinnon, is thrown into the wild Pacific Northwest and forced to deal with not only the ghosts of his past, but the very real ghosts, pirates and hostile tribes that inhabit the treacherous coast.

Who are your lead characters?

· Change agent: Jian Min Li, 65, Chinese Diplomat.

· Transformational Character: Andrew James McKinnon, 70, Naval Captain

· Betraying Character: Billy – 18-year-old orphan.

· Oppression: 1886 Canadian Wilderness and her People

2. How do you connect with your audience at the beginning of the movie?

A. Relatability: Andrew is a tired old man saying goodbye to the love of his life – the sea.

B. Intrigue: What the heck happened to land him in jail and get him so beaten up? What horrible thing happened to his family? Why are he and his brother-in-law having such a horrible feud about Andrew’s wife?

C. Empathy: Geeze, why are the British so prejudiced toward the Irish?

D. Likeability: Andrew seems like such a tough guy, but he risked everything to rescue a drowning child, and gives the last of his money plus the coat off his back to a homeless mother shivering in the rain.

3. What is the gradient of the change?

Emotional Gradient:

Forced Change

Denial/Shock: “Just kill me and be done with it.” Andrew doesn’t care. His wife is dead, he has spent the last 35 years towing the British line, fighting in their wars, just to have them throw him away. They see him as “just another Irish brute” because of a past where he was forced to fight just to survive.

Anger: “Why is she dead and you’re still alive?” Absolute fury that the man who is responsible for his wife’s suicide is working on his brother-in-law’s ship.

“You win the fight any way you can.” Andrew is frustrated by being challenged to change a method that has always worked for him. Winning equates with honor and that means someone usually dies. Now Jian Min challenges him with “ all life has value, even your enemy.”

Bargaining: “A wise old man buys the information he needs. You have heard of this, yes?” He proposes they buy information for the location of Jian Min’s daughter instead of trying to take out every criminal in Vancouver until they find the man who sold her.

“There’s no gold left in Barkerville, but there’s plenty in the Yukon. Who’s with me? Do we go north?” In order to finance a trip to Juneau to rescue Meilin and send for Andrew’s family, the party planned to escort the boys, Conner and Billy to Barkerville, but Andrew has been given a map with the co-ordinates for the first claim in the Klondike on 40 Mile creek.

Depression: “All these years I’ve called on you in faith. Am I so damned unworthy?” When Jian Min dies, Andrew hits rock bottom. One too many people have been taken from his life.

Acceptance: “When you are angry no one needs to respect you. You are like a mad wolf. Where is your honor?” Andrew has finally got what Jian Min was trying to teach him and is teaching it to the troubled boy (Tah Tiks) he lives with in the Tsimshian tribe.

4. Action Gradient

Set Up

On the day he is supposed to retire and look after his family, Andrew is exiled from Ireland for a murder he didn’t commit. He is transported to Canada on a ship captained by his brother-in-law, Quinn, who decides he will stay below decks with the coal gang. There he finds the one in charge of the gang is none other than Daniel Smith, the man responsible for his wife’s death. Not only does Andrew have to cope with exile, his wife’s death and disgrace, but now he is faced with the return of the man responsible for all of it.

Journey

· When Dan tries to pick up the fight where they left off, Quinn interferes. Andrew is deposited in Montreal. So is Dan – Andrew finds this out later when Dan tries to get back at him by taking out the two young boys who have attached themselves to him.

· Enter the change agent – Jian Min Li who believes life is a precious gift.

· Andrew realizes he can’t kill Dan – life is a precious gift, no matter how much he hates Dan for what he’s done.

· Goldmining in Barkerville is a bust, the gold is played out, but Scottie bequeaths Andrew with a map to his claim on 40 Mile creek in the Yukon. Andrew comes up with a plan.

· Jian Min teaches Andrew to control his temper and ways other than violence to win a fight: life is sacred.

· The party heads north to Juneau in search of Jian Min’s daughter via the inside passage with Red Seamus Fogerty aka “The Preacher”, a renegade Jesuit priest turned slaver.

· Seamus kills four miners on Read Island angering the spirits of massacred Haida who kill the entire crew except for Andrews party. Andrew strands him on the beach to face the same fate as his crew, taking the ship. They sail north to Juneau, short handed.

· Jian Min’s daughter, Meilin, is in Skagway, where a Potlatch is being held. To get her back they must trade something of value because she is a valuable slave. Pondering this Jian Min and Andrew are out with the women and children of the village when a marauding bear attacks. Jian Min kills the bear, but loses his life.

· The Chief gives Meilin to Andrew because her father has given the most at the Potlatch: his life. Andrew learns this truth – life has the most value when you spend it for others.

Payoff

· Living as a slave with the Tsimshian makes Andrew see a different world, where people are respected for what they do, not for what they possess. The People care for each other. He has value as a good worker and a provider. He is finally able to control his temper.

· As the village is attacked the children run onto the collapsing river ice. Andrew goes to rescue them but is too heavy. He flips over on the slabs, unable to find purchase. Jordan runs in to help him. All seems fine and then Billy shoots Andrew, in payback for the death of his brother. Tah Tiks kills Billy. Tah Tiks is sobbing, he’s losing another father, but Andrew is at peace. He says to Tah Tiks “Teach your brother to fish.” Which really means “look after your family.”

Challenge weaknesses:

Challenge: “I’ve given my word. There’ll be no violence.”

Weakness: Andrew isn’t used to losing. He’s used to winning any way he can.

Challenge: Every way he knows to be the “right way” of behaving is not working.

Weakness: Andrew doesn’t adapt well to change. He questions his worth.

Challenge: Seamus almost sinks the Bean Nighe

Weakness: Andrew’s temper gets them into trouble again when he tells Seamus to start acting like a Captain and takes over.

Challenge: Jian Min dies. Andrew now has all these people counting on him.

Weakness: He is at his lowest point and feels unworthy and abandoned by God.

Challenge: “If I can just get through this one last thing I win…”

Weakness: Killing Seamus brought no honor, just re-enslavement and shame.

7.What is the Transformational Structure of Your Story?

Mini-Movie 1 ­ Status Quo and Call to Adventure

Andrew is on his ship saying good byegoodbye to his life on the sea, about to retire when fate intervenes. His nephew is being sent to America to pay off his father’s debt. In a fit of temper, Andrew goes to rescue the boy, the rail on the ship breaks and he and the owner of the merchant ship fall into the harbor. They both drown. Andrew is resuscitated and tried for murder – exile from Ireland or a hanging. Andrew choses exile and is sent to Canada with plans to bring his family over as soon as he can.

Mini-Movie 2 ­ Locked Into Conflict

On board the SS Sarmation Andrew discovers the leader of the coal gang is none other than Daniel Smith, the man who raped his wife and is the father of his daughter Jenny. The two of them pick up their unfinished fight and Andrew is dumped in Montreal. So is Dan, but Andrew doesn’t find that out till later.

Mini-Movie 3 — Hero Tries to Solve Problem ­ But Fails.

In Montreal there is no work if you’re Irish. Andrew gets on the train to the west coast. He finds the two young boys from the coal gang have jumped ship planning on heading to Northern British Columbia to mine gold. They ask him to go with them. A dying prospector overhears the conversation and talks him out of the idea, but if Andrew will promise to give him a decent burial he can have his claim on 40 Mile creek in the Yukon and gives him a gold nugget the size of a walnut.

Mini-Movie 4 ­ Hero Forms a Plan

Andrew talks his companions into heading north to the Yukon.

Mini-Movie 5 ­ Hero Retreats & Antagonist Wins

Vancouver has burned to the ground. They have to find a way to go north. They secure berths on the scummiest schooner on the west coast run by Red Seamus Fogerty, AKA “The Preacher” a buccaneer/slaver who has plans of his own for them.

Mini-Movie 6 ­ Hero’s Bigger, Better Plan!

When Seamus gets the entire crew slaughtered on Read Island, Andrew strands him there to suffer the same fate and takes over the ship. They head for Juneau in search of Jian Min’s daughter.

Mini-Movie 7 ­ Crisis & Climax

Seamus gets off the island and comes after Andrew with a band of Tsimshian warriors. He challenges Andrew to a fight-to-the-death exchange for some Jesuit priests they have captured and taken as slaves, knowing Andrew’s weakness for slavery. Underestimating Andrew badly, Seamus loses the fight and his life, but Andrew loses his freedom, becoming a Tsimshian slave. He will never see his family again.

Mini-Movie 8 ­ New Status Quo

In the Tsimshian village Andrew is treated as a valued member of the community for his hunting and fishing skills. He becomes part of a family and finally is at peace. He has learned to control his temper and teaches his adoptive son this. He is happy. Then his friends come to rescue him and the village children run out on the river ice to escape the invading warriors. Andrew goes to rescue them and almost drowns. Just when it looks like he is safe and will live after all, Billy shoots him in revenge for the death of his brother.

8. How are the Old Ways challenged?

A Through Questioning:

o Jian Min challenges Andrew if he fights to win any way he can because he is lost. (which is pretty close to the truth)

B Challenge by Counter example:

o Xhuuya says at Jian Mins grave “Important man give most precious thing he have away.” Meaning Jian Min gave his life to the tribe. In exchange the chief gives Andrew Jian Min’s daughter.

C Should work but doesn’t:

Andrew keeps trying to make plans but nothing goes as planned

o He gets kicked off the train.

o The city of Vancouver is burned to the ground

o He spares Dan’s life and Dan goes to Ireland to look for Jenny.

Trying to lead the party to 40 Mile Creek.

o Seamus is on their trail

o Meilin gets kidnapped

D Challenge through living metaphor:

o The potlatch is a living Metaphor – the wealthiest person is the one who gives the most away.

o The Raven:

In Pacific Northwest culture, a raven stands for change and is also known as the trickster. It was the bringer of fire, but the stealer of berries. It never forgot someone who did kindness or ill. Andrew is plagued by a raven from the beginning of the movie through to the last scene.

9. Presenting Insights through Profound moments

A. Action delivers insight

Jian Min dies by his life principles; that all life has value and shows Andrew how to live with honor. He fights a huge black bear, knowing he dies saving the village women and children. In so doing he gives up the most important thing he has (his life) for his daughter’s freedom.

B. Conflict delivers insight

Andrew spends the whole movie fighting to find a way to bring his daughter to Canada, yet we find out she isn’t even his – she’s Big Dan’s – the product of rape. (Although this might be an example of irony) Andrew can’t even avenge his wife’s suicide because Jenny might hate him for killing her real father. Why? Because all life is precious and has value, even your enemy.

C. Irony delivers insight

Andrew abhors slavery because of his past as an Ottoman slave when he was kidnapped by pirates as a boy. Yet he trades his life for the life of the Priests. When all is lost, Integrity remains.

9. What are the most profound lines of the movie?

· “When all is lost, integrity remains.”

· “When everything else is gone, all we have left is integrity. It has no race, no skin color, no sex. It doesn’t give a damn if you’ve got one leg or none. It comes from the fires within, the flame God gave us when we drew our first breath.”

· “We never know the impact our lives have on those we meet. Integrity must go before us like a beacon, to light the dark ways for others.”

· “Important man give his most precious thing away with open heart. We respect this man.”

· “We place people in boxes because of our differences. We miss so much that way.”

· “How did we manage to exterminate a species an entire people relied on in such a short time?. What kind of people are we, Jenny, that we can do such a thing? One more buffalo. One more fish. One more tree.”

9 How Do You Leave Us With A Profound Ending?

A. Deliver The Profound Truth Profoundly

Jenny and Andrew have a voice over from Andrew’s letters quoting the advice Andrew’s captain gave to him when he was a young cabin boy: “When everything else is gone, all we have left is integrity. It has no race, no skin color, no sex. It doesn’t give a damn if you’ve got one leg or none. It comes from the fires within, the flame God gave us when we drew our first breath.”

B. Lead Characters Ending Represents The Change

Andrew loses his life after he rescues the children from the ice. The last thing he says to Tah Tiks is “Teach your brother to fish.” Which mirrors the same thing he said to the lieutenant in the first scene of the movie-> “Teach my grandson to fish” He’s really saying “teach him to look after his family”. Andrew spent his whole life looking after his family out of duty, but now he’s saying it out of love, because all life has value.

C. Payoff Key Setups

We thought Andrew was going to drown. It sure looks like it because we know he can’t swim.

D. Surprising, But Inevitable.

Totally unexpected that Billy would pop up out of nowhere and kill Andrew. But we kind of never expected Andrew to be reunited with his family.

E. Leave Us with a Profound Parting Image/Line

That damn interfering raven flying away. into the mist. Go pick on someone else.

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s Height of the Emotion
——————-
What I learned doing this assignment is if I plan all this first, I won’t spend so much time searching for it after I’ve written the script. The problem is: there were so many emotional scenes in the script it was hard to narrow things down to just 5. As it was, I ended up doing 6.

1. Make a list of the 5 most emotional moments in your screenplay.

1. The third scene after Andrew has been found guilty and is led away in chains to the SS Sarmation. The dock workers line up to say goodbye to a man they respect.

Meaning of the scene: the crew of the HMMS Regent were not allowed to testify on Andrew’s behalf. His lieutenant, running down to the dock, asks if there is anything he can do for his family as the guards are dragging Andrew away. Andrew wants his grandson to grow up to be a good man. He asks the lieutenant to spend time with the boy, in a round about way that will help him deal with loss. It’s almost a biblical quotation, or that old joke about feeding a man for a day, or a lifetime. In a way, it foreshadows Andrew knowing he will never take Michael on the fishing trip he had planned.

· “Teach him to fish.”

2. In the first-class meal car, the waiter asks Andrew for payment for a bottle of whiskey and Andrew takes out his medals he has stuffed earlier in his pocket out of embarrassment for the grubby state of his uniform. The waiter sees them and realizes he has made an error in judgement. He asks Andrew if he may thank him for his service. This is supposed to get us thinking about how we judge others by the way they look, their age etc. Sometimes a little bit of kindness can make another person’s day. Or life.

· “Never seen a fighter knocked out by a handshake before.”

3. When Scottie dies.

Meaning of the scene: Just before he dies, Scottie laments that the buffalo are all gone. He dies telling what it was like to see a herd of them running on the plain. Andrew is recounting this to Jenny. He has seen so much ugliness at this point and is beginning to question his faith in his fellow man. This is pretty self explanatory: it says volumes about what we are doing to the world today.

· “What kind of people are we to think nothing of exterminating a species another race relied on? “

4. When Jian Min challenges Andrew to change his ways and act with honor.

Meaning of the scene: Andrew has only learned to fight to win. Jian Min is trying to teach him a different way to fight, one that has meaning, where a man fights for good and honor. Andrew still equates fighting with pain, fear and anger so he challenges Jian Min to explain what all his silly ‘dancing’ moves have to do with fighting and puts his fist through a crate. Jian Min responds with “Only a lost man fights that way.” Andrew, who looks like a beggar by now, flings up his arms and says, “Look at me!”

Hmm. So many of us are losing our jobs, our homes, our lives, but we don’t have to react with violence and protests, even tho we’re angry.

· “When all is lost, integrity remains.”

5. When Jian Min dies.

Meaning of the scene: Jian Min acts with unthinking honor, protecting the women and children of the Haida village from a marauding mother bear. Andrew arrives too late and starts to question his faith in God. Andrew doesn’t give a damn about race. It’s all about how a person lives their life. Jian Min has been mentor, friend, confidant and now he’s gone. Andrew’s arc is hitting rock bottom.

Jian Min is the face of Goodness in the world. He solves problems with diplomacy. He respects life and he shares his knowledge without asking anything in return. He is the Mentor Andrew aspires to be. Because of his deep-seated feelings of unworthiness, Andrew despairs of ever filling these shoes – yet he shoulders his duty as well. This is Andrew’s turning point.

· “We place people in boxes because of our differences, so we stop seeing all the good things about each other.”

OR

· “Integrity has nothing to do with race. You proved that.”

6. When Jenny learns her father is dead.

Michael throws away his fishing pole and runs down the Montreal wharf in grief, running into the Black mother, Elisa, Andrew helped in the beginning of the movie. Jenny’s V/O says:

· “We never know the impact our lives have on those we meet. Integrity must go before us like a beacon, to light the dark ways for others.”

This is a quote of her father’s she remembers, when she says all she has left of her father are his letters. (These are the letters the movie is based on.)

ASSIGNMENT 2

Heather Builds Meaning with Dialogue

What I learned doing this assignment is there is a lot of places you can build these meanings into the script to give it structure. But it’s important to have a good understanding of what you want to say with the movie before you start writing.

1. Select three (3) lines (from your script or lines you make up) that you want to build deep meaning around.

I only did 2 because it was getting pretty long.

1. The concept of Integrity: It’s a word most people don’t fully understand. It means an adherence to moral and ethical principals, a soundness of moral character and honesty. Maybe I am being too heavy handed in my application of the principals of integrity with these characters, but I’m leaving it up to the actors to determine that.

· “When all is lost, integrity remains”. Page 41 When Jian Min is teaching Andrew how to control his temper. ARC – Integrity speaks when everything is stripped away

· Jian Min – “We must all act with integrity, not anger.”

Rough Miner – “Whas’at mean?”

Mayor- “It means honor you bleatin’ fool.”

Rough Miner – “Well whyn’t he jus say so?”

Mayor – “Look at him Custer. He’s got more integrity in his left hand than you got in yer whole body.” Page 67 when they find the man who sold Jian Min’s daughter being lynched by a mob, and Jian min offers to act as the judge. (since he is one in China) ARC – A person with integrity can be trusted

· “Integrity has nothing to do with race”. Page 77 when Jian Min dies. ARC – Integrity is not restricted to a special race of people

· “Integrity must go before us like a beacon, to light the dark ways for others.” Pg 112 Jenny is remembering her father. ARC – Integrity will unite us.

· Perhaps a deeper meaning for people to take home might be: If you wish to be respected, behave with integrity, treat others fairly and honor life.

2. The concept of honoring life. Throughout the movie we see people being treated as if they are disposable: the Chinese huddled into camps now they are no longer needed for the railway. Indian refugees are thrown in there as well because the buffalo, their traditional food, has been hunted to extinction by the white trading companies. The black people who came to Canada to find freedom only found segregation instead of a welcome. The question, “What kind of people are we?” needs to be answered.

· “What kind of animal tosses a child over the side like so much filth?” pg 6 Andrew asks his barrister why they threw his nephew over the side for having a club foot. People are animals without compassion

· “Don’t matter what color your skin be if you poor.

·(sarcastic)

·Hell, we even got us our own lil town jus’ for colored folk. You gonna find that out real soon. Ain’t no one like your kind here.” Pg 22 a black warehouse worker tells Andrew what to expect because he’s Irish.ARC – People judge others by color and race

· The waiter holds out an imperious hand for payment.

·Andrew pats down his uniform for coins, takes his medals out of his pockets and casts them on the table. The waiter swallows.

·WAITER

·Captain, Sir. Forgive me. Would you allow me to thank you for your service?

·pg 25 ARC – People judge others by their outward appearance.

· “What kind of people are we to think nothing of exterminating a species another race relied on? “ pg. 30 ARC – People are more valuable than resources

· ”He’s just a worthless coolee. Probably die soon and you can bury him with the other one.” A Chinese railway worker is pinned by broken equipment while loading coal. The conductor doesn’t care. Andrew confronts him and is kicked off the train. Pg 32 Some races have less value than others. ARC – People are prejudiced.

· “He was not worthless. Neither are you. Come, let us contemplate beauty.” Jian Min’s son died building the railway. Andrew is getting tired of seeing how people are treated in this new country and resolves to stand up to it whenever he can. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>ARC – <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Confront the problem. Show empathy. Correct it if you can.

· JIAN MIN

“When all is lost, integrity remains”.

ANDREW

”Why do I need to learn this?”

JIAN MIN

”All life have value. Even enemy.” Andrew struggles with this. Pg. 41 This is such a foreign concept to Andrew who has lived with the idea that you overcome your enemies. Always. Jian Min is challenging him to think in a whole new way.

ARC: Confront the problem. Show empathy. Show mercy. <- Quinn says in the first act “ Mercy has never been your strongest quality, has it?”

· ANDREW

“I told you, I won’t kill you. Do you know why? Because a Captain’s word means something. “

He moves closer to him and whispers in his ear.

”You, sir, are not, have never, nor ever will be, a Captain. You’re just a pirate.” Pg 64 Seamus’ lack of compassion has gotten Connor killed. He doesn’t care and Andrew is furious. BUT he is acting with honor and strands Seamus on the beach at Ka’saan to suffer the same fate as his crew,( to be torn apart by the ghosts of Read Island.) Unfortunately this act of mercy turns Billy against him. ARC – Confront the problem. Do something about it.

· ANDREW

·”I could not save my nephew, it haunts me still. But I will save your daughter, if you’ll let me.”

·JIAN MIN

·”You honor me. Not everything solved by fight. Sometimes use diplomacy. You have heard of this?” Pg 74 The party is in Skagway at a Haida potlatch where they have found Meilin, married to one of the Haida who won her in a poker game. Because a Potlatch cannot be marred with unrest of any kind, they “Give away” the schooner to the Chief for her. A diplomatic solution. ARC – Confront the problem, find a solution.

· Turning the tables. To get the point across:

INT – HOUSE, TSIMSHIAN VILLAGE – NIGHT

All of the dialogue (ad libbed) is in Tsimshian. No translation is needed. The gestures say it all.

Andrew huddles against a wall trying not to shiver in the freezing night.

From the lewd gestures, several women are discussing the new slave’s ‘attributes’. This causes a heated argument.

One woman hauls Andrew to her bed to settle the argument. He is paralyzed with shock and doesn’t know what to do with this demanding lady. She is furious.

Kow-kayth pulls the curtain aside. The two women stare at each other.

KOW-KAYTH

(in Tsimshian, subtitled in English)

We are not like the dogs that invade our land.

Kow-kayth gives everyone a disgusted look and takes Andrew away.

The women look down, ashamed. Pg 99 Just to prove anyone can disrespect another’s life. It’s not just a ‘white’ problem, or a ‘black’ problem. Or even a woman’s problem. Men can be treated like objects too. It’s everyone’s problem. ARC – Confront the problem, deal with the problem, solve the problem properly.

[Heather Hood]

Heather Delivers Irony!

What I learned doing this assignment is I write with a lot of irony already, sort of expecting people to pick up on it. The problem is, I’m not sure it’s really clear what I’m trying to get across. This is where the need for other people comes in, so you can pass your work around and have other people weigh in on whether they understood what you were trying to do or say. Writing can be an isolating process. Throw in a disability and a pandemic and you’ve got a fantastic cocktail for isolation.

I just wanted to tell a story that opened our eyes to the horrible things we do to each other, using Canada as an example, since I’m Canadian and know the history from a personal perspective.

The one good thing about movies is they stay with you long after ‘The End’ is splashed across the screen.

ASSIGNMENT

With your list of the New Ways / Insights you
want audiences to experience, go through these steps:

Step 1. What is the New Way / Insight you want to deliver?

1. Insight: When everything is taken from you, the only thing left is integrity.

2. Insight: Family is what you create, not who you are born to.

3. Insight: You can let life just happen or you can create it.

Step 2. How could you deliver that insight through opposite experiences?

1. Show moments where everything is lost and the characters are exhibiting integrity.

·
In the box car scene
across BC, Jian Min is teaching Andrew to control his temper using martial arts
techniques. Andrew gets angry, wanting to stick to his old ways and puts his
fist thru a crate. Jian Min says, “Only lost man fight that way. Are you lost?”
He replies, “Look at me.” Implying his threadbare, filthy appearance makes him
look like a wretch. Jian Min just weighs the state of his soul and says, “When
all is lost, Integrity remains.”

Step 1. Where could you build opposite
experiences into your screenplay?

Everything is taken from Andrew: his job, his family, his pride – BUT

· he is given respect by the waiter on the train, asking if he may thank him for his service. He is expecting to be kicked out of the 1^st class car.

· He finds there is no work for him in Montreal because he is Irish, but the warehouse workers give him food, in thanks for bringing the young mother out of the weather. He is expecting to be told off for being above his station.

· The prospector gives him the map to the gold claim and tells him he’s a good man, even though he tries to hide it. The prospector has been telling him he’s foolish for refusing to abandon two inexperienced boys in rough Barkerville.

· Jian Min asks Andrew to be Meilin’s guardian as he is dying. He expects Meilin’s husband will want her back, since her father is dead.

· When Andrew sees the Jesuit Priests are being held prisoner, he trades his freedom for theirs.
OR.

Step 2. What is the New Way / Insight you want to deliver through them?

· I suppose one new insight might be: The right thing is hard to do, it’s the best choice. But it doesn’t always mean you win.

Come up with at least five (5) different ways
you can create IRONY in your screenplay and deliver an insight.

o The most ironic thing in the whole screenplay is Andrew’s daughter, the one he’s been trying so hard to bring to Canada, isn’t even his. She’s Big Dan’s. The product of rape and Dan doesn’t know anything about her until late into the third act. -> Insight: Family doesn’t have to be related by blood.

o The other ironic thing is Andrew, who was an Ottoman slave in his youth, allows himself to be captured by the Tsimshian so the Jesuits can go free. – Yet- ironically, this turns out to be a good experience for him because they value him as a hunter and provider.->Insight: The right thing is hard to do, but it’s the best choice.

o AND just when Andrew finally gets a family of his own, he has to make a decision: to save the children on the river ice with the help of Jordan, ONLY to get shot by Billy (the betraying character) and swept beneath the ice. .->Insight: The right thing is hard to do, but it doesn’t always mean you win.

o And we learn as Andrew is dying that he was trying to save his nephew, NOT kill the idiot Englishman who started the trouble back in Ireland. It was just dry rot on the ship that landed them both in the harbor. .->Insight: The right thing is hard to do, but it doesn’t always mean you win.

o Jian Min is a high ranked diplomat in China yet in North America he is looked down on. In Juneau the party comes across a rabid mob of frontier folk lynching the man who took his daughter. Rather than use violence, Jian Min offers to use his expertise to try the case: An eye for an eye sort of punishment and gives the man to the family as a serf for ten years. Insight->All life has value. (I have to write this scene to replace another)

[Heather Hood]

ASSIGNMENT

Heather’s Insights Through Conflict

“What I learned doing this assignment is: I think one can have too much conflict in their work. I went through the whole script, scene by scene. There is conflict in every scene, but not in a good way. The number of times I have someone involved in a physical altercation is astounding. Conflict, yes. Fight, no. Re write after I think about where I want this to go.

With your list of the New Ways / Insights you want audiences to experience, go .through these steps:

Step 1. What is the New Way / Insight you want to deliver?

Old way: people judge others by their age, race, gender, or ability. New way: be accepting of everyone.

Step 2. What kind of conflict could that insight show up in?

I have 2 seniors, 4 main characters from different races and one disabled person among the 4 characters. .

Step 3. Brainstorm ways you might deliver the insight through the conflict.

1. I can place the characters in situations where they would not be expected to ‘win’ eg: an old man winning in a fight against a younger man.

2. Showing how a blind person hunts when someone argues they can’t. (Or light a fire etc…)

3. I would love to craft a scene where Jian Min’s superior diplomacy skills solve a major dilemma, just to prove he’s not some ‘brainless’ Chinese.

4. Not exactly conflict, but showing Seamus roughing up Jordan, or dragging her off below decks would make us understand what’s going on in her world.

5. The conflict between Andrew and Quinn in the second scene makes Andrew’s private world come to life. Suddenly you see it’s not at all what you would have expected from someone of his rank and age.

Come up with at least five (5) different ways
you can use conflict to express an insight.

· Xhuuya is struggling between walking the white man’s road or embracing his traditional heritage. When a young crew member stabs a whale and the whale attacks the ship, he realizes he is the only one who can save them – if he accepts his heritage. It’s an internal struggle, but it’s still valid, because it saves everyone.

· Seamus challenges Andrew to fight him to the death when the Tsimshian have captured the Jesuit priests. If Andrew wins the fight, they can go free but Andrew takes their place as a captive. Seamus expects Andrew to lose, because he’s old – this is revenge, nothing more. Andrew wins, but in winning, Andrew really loses.

· After Meilin is recued from her Tsimshian captors she gets mad at Andrew. She tells him he’s not angry at her, he’s angry at himself because he doesn’t want anyone to see how he feels.

· Ageism: Throughout the script there are various people who tell Andrew he is “just an old man”, “all washed up” etc, intimating that once you’re old, you cease to be useful. That is combated by several conflicts both physical and mental throughout the script, right from the first scene. It’s reinforced once Jian Min gets into the picture: then there are two old men. When the movie gets to the Indians in the last act everything switches and you see how in another culture the highly valued people are the Elders, for their wisdom.

· The conflict between Andrew and Quinn in the second scene highlights the difference between class in the 1880’s. If you had wealth you didn’t associate with those of lower status. In this scene Quinn is forced to acknowledge his guilt in his sister’s death: if he hadn’t abandoned her, she wouldn’t have killed herself.

[Heather Hood]

ASSIGNMENT 1

Heather

Seabiscuit Analysis

What I learned from this is: Someone always wants to tell you what your limitations are. Don’t let them. Push your own boundaries.

Profound Moments:

· The Stock Exchange crash. I couldn’t help comparing the change then with the changes going on now, especially the climactic, dust bowl scenes with the fire scenes we are going through in BC and along the Pacific coast. Who knows if things are going to go like this in the next few years. People are already living in cars and downsizing from homes to vans.

· When Howard lost his son. The expression of grief was intense. It’s hard to lose your business, but your family on top of it…

· Same for Red. His family leaving him behind was heartbreaking.

· Smith buying the horse because you don’t throw something away just because part of it is damaged. I’m disabled. This sentiment resonates.

· When the little horse turns into a plucky fighter and wins his first race because he’s given his chance. Often people and animals will excel if you believe in them.

· When Biscuit came back and won the race against War Admiral. Size doesn’t matter. It’s a matter of spirit. Don’t let someone tell you can’t do something because you’re not the favorite.

· That Red was able to ride despite his injury. Doctors aren’t Gods, and if we believed them every time they said we would never walk, Terry Fox wouldn’t have run part way across Canada. I wouldn’t be walking either. Don’t let someone tell you what you can and can’t do because of ‘limitations’. Just get on with life.

ASSIGNMENT 2

Create a list of the New Ways and Insights you’d like audiences to experience when they watch your movie.

1. Old Way of thinking: Andrew feels he is worthless

o Native Americans are treated as worthless

o Chinese are abandoned after they have built the railway

o Blacks are segregated

New way: Everyone should feel like they have worth

2. Old way of thinking: The people Andrew runs into are prejudiced:

· He is guilty because he is Irish

· Immigrants will take peoples jobs

· Native Americans are drunkards, lazy, and thieves

· Chinese take money away from hardworking folk

New way: We need to stop judging and treat people fairly

3. Old way of thinking: Meilin cannot be part of frontier society because she is blind

The Haida do not see her this way. They give her jobs and trust she will figure things out.

New way: The disabled can do whatever they are capable of

4. Old way of thinking: your family is who you are born to

Andrew collects a family on his journey and learns to become close to them

New way: Our family can be anyone we hold close to our heart

5. Old way: Once you hit a certain age you are no longer useful

Boy this is so far from the truth I just couldn’t help taking two old guys on an epic road trip to rescue their daughters, let them confront monsters and pirates and have a bar fight.

New way: your age has nothing to do with being useful

[Heather Hood]

ASSIGNMENT

Brainstorm at least five of each of today’s challenges that you can put in your screenplay.

What I learned doing this assignment is: Some of these things I had already put in the screenplay without really understanding what they were or how they worked. The thing was timing and order. Now I am aware of how they work, I can see they were there but in the wrong order. I went back and re- arranged things so the screenplay flows much better and you can see the character progression now. The growth is much more organic and is less forced.

I am still not convinced about the ending, so I have to think about it for a while.

5 should work but doesn’t challenges:

Old way – treat others as you would have people treat you:

· Andrew tries to rescue his nephew from indentured servitude, only to be thrown into prison and condemned for murder. He is given a choice: hanging or exile. He chooses exile.

· In Montreal, after helping a young mother find shelter and giving her the last of his money and food, he finds ‘No Irish Need Apply’ so instead he must head west for work.

· At the Rocky Mountains he rescues a Chinese worker pierced by heavy equipment, only to be thrown off the train by the racist conductor who considers the Chinese ‘worthless’.

· Andrew shares the gold map with his companions. When Billy turns against him, he knows exactly where the claim is.

· Spares Dan’s life for his daughter’s sake, which causes Billy to become the betraying character. He kills Andrew in the end.

5 living metaphor challenges:

Old way – win the fight any way you can -> New Way – fight with honor.

· Jian Min takes Dan down effortlessly on the train, opening Andrews eyes to a way of fighting he didn’t know existed. Jian Min tells him there is no honor in his way of fighting and takes Andrew on as a student.

· When the whale attacks the ship, Xhuuya embraces his Haida heritage and sings the whale into peace.

Old Way – Life is something to be endured -> New Way – Life is a precious gift

· A bear attacks the women and children gathering berries and Jian Min comes to their rescue but is killed saving them. Jian Min in his last moments asks if the villagers are safe and Andrew tells him no one was hurt. Jian Min says his life has had meaning then and he can journey onward to enlightenment.

· Andrew has been accepted as part of the Tsimshian tribe where he is a slave. His friends come to rescue him with a war party. The children run onto the river ice to escape their warriors, and the ice breaks up. Andrew goes to rescue them but is too heavy for the ice. He saves the children. It looks like Jordan will be able to save him, but just when it seems like she can get him out, Billy shoots him and Andrew sinks beneath the river ice and washes away. (I’m not sure about this ending yet)

· When the party gets to Skagway, the Haida are holding a Potlatch – giving away wealth to accumulate favor. Andrew is taught the concept ‘the wealthiest man is the one who gives the most away’. In order to redeem Jian Min’s daughter Meilin from slavery, they give away the schooner to the Haida.

[Heather Hood]

Brainstorm at least 5 Question challenged and 5 Counterexamples you can put in your screenplay.

What I learned doing this assignment is:

The character comes into the story with a specific mindset. It’s our job to turn that character’s mindset around in a way that takes him and us, on a profound journey. SO we must create opportunities for this to happen. Sometimes that means changing the character initially to reflect the change at the end. Otherwise you have a static character.

I can understand now why the feedback I got said my main character was ‘flat’. Often, nobody elaborates on that and you sit there for days trying to figure that one out. So now I have a better understanding from a writing point of view, and for giving critique when I am asked.

Go through your story outline or script and
brainstorm the following: 5 Question Challenges to an Old Way

· Old way: Life is something to be endured, not enjoyed.

Question: Lieutenant: “What will you do with all your free time, Sir?”

Andrew: “I shall teach my grandson to fish. Nothing better to take his mind off the loss.”

Andrew has just lost his wife to suicide and is retiring from the sea to care for his family. He doesn’t see this as anything other than a duty that is expected of him.

· Old way: People don’t treat you fairly.

This scene has been changed to reflect a change/challenge to Andrew’s old ways:

Question: ” Would you allow me to thank you for your service?”

Andrew lives in the past, with a father who abandoned them, a distant wife and friends who died early in life. He was an Ottoman slave in his teens and a fighter in his youth. He barely knows his family and is close to no one. He has just been exiled from his homeland for a murder he didn’t commit. He doesn’t trust easily. He is a tough nut to crack so he responds this way to an unexpected question:

INT. FIRST CLASS DINING CAR. – DAY/CON’T

A waiter approaches with his nose in the air taking in their grubby clothing.

ANDREW

A bottle of whiskey please.

The waiter holds out an imperious hand for payment.

Andrew pats down his uniform for coins, takes his medals out of his pockets and casts them on the table. The waiter swallows.

WAITER

Captain, Sir. Forgive me. I had no idea…forgive me. My father died

in the war. Which one did you serve in?

ANDREW

All of them.

WAITER

Would you allow me to thank you for your service?

The waiter extends his hand, Andrew shakes it, a man in a walking dream.

Andrew stares as the waiter scurries away. He silently dares the passengers to make an issue as he tugs the remains of his uniform into place and sits.

PROSPECTOR

Never seen a fighter knocked out by a handshake ’afore.

· Old way: What you feel doesn’t matter.

Question: Jian Min: “You are not a man of peace?”

Andrew: “Does it matter?”

Jian Min: “Do you matter? Is same question.”

He doesn’t believe his feelings matter to anyone. He never shows any feelings except anger. With occasional duty thrown in.

· Old way: You win the fight any way you can.

Question: Jian Min: “Only lost man fight that way. Are you lost?”

Andrew: “Look at me.”

Jian Min: “When all is lost, integrity remains.”

As a slave he was forced to win or face a whipping. He’s an expert at fighting dirty. He doesn’t like fighting anymore, but if he has to, he fights to win, whatever it takes.

· Old way: You are worthless.

Question: Prospector: “And are ye strong enough to brave the wilderness? And the cannibal savages?”

The prospector hands him the map.

Andrew: “But, I’m a complete stranger… I can’t….”

Prospector: I’m dying. Costs me nothin’ to say what I see. Yer a good man. T’is in yer face, though ye tries to hide it. If it makes ye feel better, bury me when me time comes.

Andrew: Any decent man would do that.

Prospector: But I’m asking you.

This is Andrew’s core problem throughout the movie, the demon he battles: his sense of worthlessness. We could get into a whole psychological analysis of his character stemming from abandonment and slavery, but that’s for another day. If you really want to see it I can send a character sheet. By the end of the movie he battles it down, just before he dies. Another profound thought being: no greater love is this than he who gives up his life for another. This poor guy goes through hell. Then just when he gets everything together and has what he always wanted, the betraying character shows up. (Thanks Hal 😊 ) People are probably going to want to lynch me.

5 Counter examples to an Old Way

1. Old way: You win the fight any way you can.

On the SS Sarmation, the transport ship to the colonies, Andrew is confronted by his brother-in-law, the Captain of the ship. They have never gotten along. Captain Quinn abandoned his sister after she was raped. Andrew picked up the pieces and married her, but her high society British family wanted nothing to do with her. Unable to live with the shame, she killed herself: hence we see Andrew giving up the sea to look after the family.

The third scene in the movie is an argument between them where they throw blame at each other for her death. The next scene, Andrew discovers the man who raped her is Daniel Smith, the head of the coal gang in engineering. Andrew suspects Quinn knew who it was all along, but Quinn is astounded and sets off to murder the man after he’s placed him in custody.

Andrew has to remind him of his rank, even though he’s furious that his opportunity for vengeance for his wife’s honor has been taken away from him. Quinn stops and says:

CAPTAIN QUINN

A convenient ‘accident’ would be merciful. For everyone.

ANDREW

Remember your rank.

CAPTAIN QUINN

Mercy has never been your strongest quality, has it?

The two men stare at each other, miles apart.

2. Old Way: People don’t treat you fairly

Big Dan has followed Andrew and the two young boys, Conner and Billy onto the train, intent on getting even for being thrown off the Sarmation. When he attacks the boys with a butcher knife, Jian Min gets there first and knocks him out.

Andrew asks if he killed him. Jian Min explains there is no honor in killing your enemy: even an enemy can do something good. Andrew has a horrific struggle with that. Dan is the father of his daughter (the audience won’t find out till later in the movie) He realises he can’t kill Jenny’s father or she’ll hate him. This isn’t a fight he can win.

3. Another example:

After the party is attacked at Kaas’an and Conner is killed, Andrew is furious with Seamus for failing to protect Conner.

ANDREW

I ought to kill you where you stand, oh, but I won’t. No, I’m going to leave you on this island to face the same fate as your crew and that poor innocent boy. Look at him. Take a good long, look.

Andrew pulls out his gun.

ANDREW

You’re scared now, aren’t you, boyo? Look at you shaking. I want you to suffer, just like Conner.

He shoots Seamus in the kneecap. Seamus writhes.

ANDREW

I told you, I won’t kill you. Do you know why? Because a Captain’s word means something.

He moves closer to him and whispers in his ear.

ANDREW

You, sir, are not, have never, nor ever will be, a Captain. You’re just a pirate.

SEAMUS

I’ll find you…I’ll kill you, you Irish bastard. You think yer such a great man. Yer nothing ye hear me? Nothing but a failure!

Andrew stops dead, fights down his fury and moves on.

· It looks like Andrew has learned how to apply the new ways even in the midst of his fury. Unfortunately, this mercy on his part turns Billy against him and creates the betraying character.

4. And another example :

When there is a final showdown between Andrew and Seamus, he tries to hold onto the new ways and fight with honor, but Seamus shoots him and the pain spins him into the past. He is once again a helpless slave, caught in the roar of the fighting ring, pitched against an opponent he must either kill or be punished for losing the fight.

The irony is, in killing Seamus (failing and going back to the old ways), he ends up being a Tsimshian slave.

5. Old Way: Your feelings don’t matter

Jian Min has taught Andrew how to control his anger through martial arts breathing exercises. When Andrew is given to Kow-Kayth after he is taken into the Tsimshian people as a slave he bonds with her son Tah-tiks who also has a problem with anger.

This is the scene that shows the old ways have turned to new ways:

WAHTEEBOO

What does it matter? He’s just a slave.

TAH-TIKS

You take that back!

He jumps on Wahteeboo and tries to pound him into the snow.

ANDREW

(In English)

Enough.

Hauls Tah-Tiks off.

ANDREW

(in slow Tsimshian)

You are strong. We all see that. When you give in to anger, you are like a mad wolf. No one needs to respect you. Now breathe. In, slow. Let the anger out with your breath. Good. Again.

WAHTEEBOO

Do you miss your family?

ANDREW

All the time.

TAH-TIKS

But you have a son now.

SHKAHCLAH

Who will be a great hunter someday.

Andrew smiles and ruffles Tah-tiks hair.

ANDREW

When he learns to control his anger.

Andrew has now turned into the teacher, having mastered his feelings using the things Jian Min taught him. There is also another scene where a man tries to start a fight with him, but instead of getting angry the way he used to, he just laughs instead.

[Heather Hood]

Assignment 1

12 Angry Men

What I learned doing this assignment is, human opinion can be very strong and swayed by a good argument.

· Assumption of guilt

“The defense didn’t say anything” so obviously even they thought he was guilty. If your lawyer thinks you’re guilty the best thing to do is to stay quiet.

· Just want this over

Everyone had something else they wanted to do. See a baseball game, not be in a hot room sweating over a kid who came from a bad neighborhood.

· Not caring

No one cared about a kid from the wrong side of the tracks.

· Prejudice

Kids like this are a product of their environment. They are violent. They kill and rob all the time. They are all guilty, no matter what chances they are given.

· Not looking beneath the surface.

No one saw the small details until they were pointed out: the man’s limp-how could he get to the door in 15 seconds? The marks of the woman’s glasses: how could she identify the boy across the tracks?

· Assuming the evidence is not questionable

The knife: there could only be one knife. It was rare and valuable when it was a cheap knock off. How one uses a switch blade. It needs to be stabbed upward, not downward.

· Assuming the witnesses were accurate

The testimony of the woman and the old man were more enthusiastic than accurate.

· Assuming the Defense Attorney did his job

He didn’t do anything at all.

· Assuming the case is completely logical

By the time they finished, it was established the case was full of holes.

Assignment 2

What I learned doing this assignment is: I had a hard time pinpointing Andrew’s old ways. It occurred to me I hadn’t made his change big enough. I had to make him more ‘unlikeable’ to show up his old ways of thinking, which highlight his days of scrabbling to survive in his youth.

That’s a real fine balance when those first 20 pages make or break someone wanting to read your script or toss it on the slush pile. I have so much rewriting to do.

Andrew’s Old Ways Challenge Chart

Old Ways

· You win the fight any way you can

Challenge:

To learn the meaning of honor.

· People don’t treat you fairly

Challenge:

To treat others kindly no matter how they treat you.

· You are worthless, just a tool to be used

Challenge:

To see he has value and so does his life.

· What you feel doesn’t matter

Challenge:

He is entitled to his feelings but must control them.

· Life is something to be endured, not enjoyed

Challenge:

Life is a precious gift, not something to be wasted.

· Things only change if you work hard

Challenge:

Things can change if you open your heart to others.

[Heather Hood]

question “What I learned doing this assignment is…?”

Endings are a lot harder than you think. Sometimes it’s easier to start there and work backwards.

Design your ending to have a profound impact.

1. What is your Profound Truth and how will it be delivered powerfully in your ending?

I am not sure if my profound truth is Family is made up of the people around you or If everything is taken from you, all you have left is integrity. I am leaning toward the later. It is stated twice in the movie: once by Jian Min and once by Jenny. I think because, what I’m really trying to say in this movie is…. Integrity is not a racist concept. It’s a human concept. This was the point of the inclusivity of the movie.

2. How do your lead characters (Change Agent and Transformable Characters) come to an end in a way that represents the completed change?

Jian Min dies by his life principles, showing Andrew how to live with honor. This profoundly affects Andrew, making him change to be more like Jian Min and cast aside his old ways

3. What are the setup/payoffs that complete in the end of this movie, giving it deep meaning?

Andrew spends the whole movie trying to find a way to bring his daughter to Canada. We find out at the end of Act 3, she’s not even his daughter: she’s the antagonists’ daughter, it’s why he never killed him when he had the chance. He didn’t want her to hate him.

He hates slavery, having spent time as a boy being an Ottoman slave, and yet he allows himself to be taken as a Tsimshian slave to free the Jesuit priests.

He finally learns to control his temper, just when he really needs it the most.

4. How are you designing it to have us see an inevitable ending and then making it surprising when it happens?

This is really hard. I’ve written 5 different endings so far. In this one, it looks like Andrew’s getting everything he’s ever wanted; respect, someone who cares about him, a family of his own and then….. he dies. Yup. His friends come to rescue him, the children run screaming onto the river ice which cracks and dumps them into the current. He goes to rescue them. He dies.

5. What is the Parting Image/Line that leaves us with the Profound Truth in our minds?

Please excuse the awful formatting. Final Draft doesn’t copy and hold its formatting.

EXT. MONTREAL WHARF – DAY

Jenny, her daughters and Michael look lost amongst a thinning crowd of passengers.

JENNY V/O

When my father was a boy he was captured by pirates and sold to the Ottomans. His Captain told him:

ANDREW AND JENNY V/O

“When everything else is gone, all we have left is integrity. It has no race, no skin color, no sex. It doesn’t give a damn if you’ve got one leg or none.

Jordan and Xhuuya, dressed to the nines, along with Father Tosi approach them. Father Tosi tells them Andrew has died.

ANDREW AND JENNY V/O

“It comes from the fires within, the flame God gave us when we drew our first breath.”

Michael, tears away and runs sobbing…

EXT. STREET BY THE WHARF – CONTINUOUS

…into Elisa leading her toddler on a walk past the merchant booths. She catches Michael and comforts him, then leads him back to Jenny.

ANDREW AND JENNY V/O

We never know the impact our lives have on those we meet. Integrity must go before us like a beacon, to light the dark ways for others.

JENNY V/O

All I have left of my father are the words in his letters. I know how he struggled to be a good man. Others tell stories of his last days, of his bravery and his honor.

INT. LONGHOUSE/SKAGWAY – NIGHT

The Haida dance the story of Andrew’s life around the fire.

JENNY V/O

The wilderness presses upon us without mercy. It overwhelms, but I look at Meilin and I see her courage. My father was an adventurer. Even if we did not share blood, I am still his daughter. His last act was to bring me to a place where I can follow my dreams. For this I thank him with every beat of my heart.

Kow-Kayth and Meilin sit beside Jenny with her daughters. The Haida tell her stories while Michael plays with Tah-Tiks and other boys in the shadows.

Jordan learns plant lore from the Shaman. The Chief looks around, nodding happily.

EXT. THE HARBOUR/SKAGWAY- NIGHT

Wind mourns through the buildings, scattering debris.

Moonlight silvers totem poles and longhouses, gilding wet surfaces so they shine like metal.

Mist drifts in from the ocean to twine between the branches of gigantic trees and slips between the claws of an enormous raven silhouetted against the moon. It calls three times, and glides into the mist…

And this is ending number five. We follow the raven that plagued Andrew throughout the movie. Ravens in West Coast culture symbolize change. So I think it’s a fitting image to close with. Andrew learned “sometimes you don’t win the fight any way you can”. Sometimes you let the fight go, if the cause is worthy. Saving the children was worthy. he died a hero. Now he lives forever in the stories of the Haida.

[Heather Hood]

Oh thank God! I thought I was the only one having problems with the server!

What I learned doing this assignment is… We can connect to our characters on more than one level. So can the audience.

They may be a likeable character we can empathize with because we have gone through similar experiences in our life. Perhaps we are grieving and the character is grieving, yet they are shy or confused or going through an experience we have lived through. All of these choices could relate to our characters. But for clarities sake, I can see how we would want our audience to attach to them in just one way.

The characters I have chosen are Andrew, Jordan, Xhuuya and Jian Min.

Andrew:

(Empathy) is 74, (relatability)- going for the older vote here- looking forward to a retirement with his family. In 1886, Ireland, the ghost of the famine was still running around and people were leaving for America in the hopes of finding a better life only to find ‘No Irish need apply’. Canada was supposed to be a land of opportunity. Sorry. That was just a story. We said, “come here” and made all those freed slaves live in segregated towns, and charged the Chinese an outrageous head tax to come, work on the railroad and die for the privilege.

I think now is the time to tell his story. Other people are finding this is not the place they thought it would be. Yet Andrew meets everything Canada throws at him, even when it almost robs him of his faith in God, when it drags him down to the dregs of his strength. He is 74! Meeting stuff young people would find a challenge.

(Intrigue) He has a complicated backstory I’m hoping the audience can figure out through subtext without having to be told through ‘giveaways’ like flashbacks. He’s retiring, not because he wants to, but because his wife killed herself, leaving his daughter and grandchildren with no way to provide for themselves.

I have a particular 1^st hand view because I have a box of letters from my great grandfather from 1880 who told this story – his story – in meticulous detail. -OK it has been embellished now with some tales from the Pacific Northwest, but his core journey is still there.

(Likeability) He collects stray young people and takes care of them. His sense of humor is wicked as well.

When you lose everything, you still have integrity.

Our first nations are proof of that:

Xhuuya 25, embodies this with his quiet dignity and the bridge he becomes between the old and the new ways. He shows how our First Nations people see others, not for what they possess, but for what they bring to the community and how they treat each other. He stands for what people need to See: Not the parody of the drunken Indian. (Relatability, Empathy, Likability) he’s what we all think we are deep down inside. And has some serious Medicine skills as well (intrigue)

Jian Min, 65,(likeable) the peace maker: NOT another martial artist. Yes he has skills, but he uses them reluctantly, to teach Andrew how to put his past behind him and see life has value and honor.( Empathetic) He is the loving father, moving heaven and earth to find his daughter.(Relatable) He is the wise old master with many skills. (Intrigue)

Jordan 25-30 is a young
black woman who has been so traumatized by slavery she refuses to let anyone
see she’s female. (Intrigue) She dresses like a man, walks like a man, acts
like a man, and talks like a man. (Relatable – if you are a woman) Only Andrew
sees through her. They share the scars of slavery. In the end, she is the only
person he entrusts with his daughter’s care. ( Empathetic) Can probably run the
ship all by herself and do just about anything she puts her mind to. (Likeable)

[Heather Hood]

Heathers Transformational Structure for “Into the Mist”

So…

I managed to add a betraying character, but I’m not sure where to have the betrayal occur yet. If any of you can think of a place after reading the bare bones of this, please feel free to weigh in on it. I was really surprised to find how closely the script already followed the profound method. All I had to follow was manuscript formatting for novels. I suppose there is some crossover.

Now I’m really looking forward to the rest of the course!

MM #1 – Pages 1 – 15 – Our hero’s status quo, his ordinary world, ends with an inciting incident or “call to adventure,” introducing the story’s main tension.

Captain Andrew McKinnon (TC)

Escalating challenges:

· is retiring from his life on the sea to take care of his family when an unfortunate accident results in the death of a British merchant.

· He is accused and tried for murder and exiled from Ireland.

· Shipped in chains aboard a steamship, captained by his hostile brother-in-law,

· he is cast into the engine room with the ‘black gang’ shoveling coal into the engines.

· There he is reunited with the nemesis from his youth, Big Dan.

Emotion: Shock/denial

Action: forced labor and exile

Weakness: despite 35 years of exemplary service in the navy, he sees himself as worthless due to his past as an Ottoman slave (core issue)

MM #2 – Pages 15 – 30 – Our hero’s denial of the call, and his gradually being “locked into” the conflict brought on by this call.

Escalating Challenges:

· Having been kicked off the ship in Montreal for fighting with Dan,

· Andrew takes the train to the west coast. A dying prospector overhears a conversation between Andrew and young Connor and Billy where he agrees to take them to the gold fields of Barkerville.

· He tells Andrew there is no gold left there and for a promise to bury him, bequeaths him with a map to the first gold claim in the Klondike on 40 mile creek. He will make more than enough gold to bring his family to Canada.

Emotion: Hope

Action: Travels west across Canada to find a place for his family and a way to bring them over.

Weakness: puts others before himself (old pattern that gets him in trouble)

MM #3 – Pages 30 – 45 – Our hero’s first attempts to solve his problem, the first things that anyone with this problem would try, appealing to outside authority to help him. Ends when all these avenues are shut to our hero.

Escalating Challenges:

· At the Rocky Mountains where a camp of abandoned Chinese laborers squats nearby,. Andrew loses his temper when one of them is injured filling the coal car.

· He is kicked off the train.

· He discovers Big Dan has followed him onto the train and is after the boys.

· Jian Min, an aristocrat from China, searching for his daughter, jumps in to rescue the boys.

· Andrew finally has a chance to make Dan answer for the injustices he did to his wife.

· It looks like Dan is dead, his body is even dragged out for the animals to deal with instead of being buried, but days later he staggers to his feet.

· Andrew and Jian Min agree to look for their daughters together: but first, Jian Min will teach Andrew to control his temper using martial arts techniques.

· Andrew is completely unimpressed. He is a boxer and sees no need for all this ‘dancing’.

· They all steal onto a box car to finish the trip to the west, only to find Vancouver has burned to the ground.

· Andrew shares the map with Jian Min, Conner and Billy and they all agree to head north to the Yukon to make their fortunes.

Emotion: Frustration

Action: Andrew keeps trying what he thinks is the right thing to do, only to be kicked off the train, break his hand when he punches out Big Dan, have the city of Vancouver completely disappear. Even his way of fighting (boxing) is challenged.

Weakness: he doesn’t adapt well to change. He questions his worth.

MM #4 – Pages 45 — 60 – Our hero spawns a bigger plan. He prepares for it, gathers what materials and allies he may need, then puts the plan into action — only to have it go horribly wrong, usually due to certain vital information the hero lacked about the forces of antagonism allied against him.

Escalating Challenges:

· The plan to go north has one serious flaw: Red Seamus Fogerty, buccaneer and slaver, Captain of the serious wreck, the Bean Nighe, and the worst sailor on the west coast.

· Seamus almost sinks the ship when a whale holes it. Only the intervention of a Haida crewmember saves them.

· Andrew’s temper gets him into trouble yet again when he tells Seamus “You’re the Captain of this ship, now act like it.”

· Two of the crew beg Andrew to let them go north with him. Andrew’s not even sure if the ship will make it to shore.

Emotion: Challenged

Action: Constantly having to pull his instinctive reactions to give orders aboard ship to make the voyage run smoothly. Trying to deal with his temper as Jian Min is teaching him.

Weakness: having to be humble and subservient to someone who has no idea how to sail a schooner properly.

MM #5 – Pages 60 — 75 – Having created his plan to solve his problem WITHOUT changing, our hero is confronted by his need to change, eyes now open to his own weaknesses, driven by the antagonist to change or die. He retreats to lick his wounds.

Escalating Challenges:

· The Bean Nighe anchors at Kasa’an for fresh water and meat, but Seamus decides to kill a party of miners he is ferrying north for the gold they carry.

· He confronts Andrew, calling him out for “not being much of a pirate” who could never kill a man.

· That night, the spirits of dead Haida rise to avenge the blood spilled on their land.

· They tear the sailors apart.

· Andrew’s party runs down the beach, wraiths following them until they reach a clearing strewn with bones. There Andrew hears the voice of his father, giving him a Haida whale chant that saves the party, all except Conner because Seamus didn’t protect him.

· Andrew is furious with Seamus and strands him on the beach, leaving him to the same fate his crew faced: to be torn apart by the wraiths. Billy, mad with grief over the loss of his brother, can’t understand why Andrew didn’t kill Seamus when he killed big Dan.

· Andrew tells him he didn’t kill Big Dan.

· Billy says he wants nothing more to do with Andrew, that he’s not the man he thought he was. (Becomes the betraying character) See, I put one in! (And of course, Billy knows about the map)

· The remaining group: Andrew, Jian Min, Xhuuya, Jordan sail the ship north to Juneau where they confront John Whitaker (the man who took Jian Min’s daughter) and find she has been sold to a man in Skagway.

· Andrew finds out Dan has made it to Ireland where he meets his daughter, Jenny. (The audience now learns Jenny is Dan’s daughter because he raped Andrew’s wife). Andrew sells everything he has to send Jenny money for passage to Canada.

Emotion: Desperation

Action: Reaction to being hammered by things being thrown at him from the environment, and events he has no control over happening far away.

Challenge: keep emotions under control, appear strong and make everything work out.

MM #6
– Pages 75 – 90 – Our hero spawns a new plan, but now he’s ready to change. He puts this plan into action…and is very nearly destroyed by it. And then…a revelation.

· The party goes to Skagway, to the Haida village to buy back Meilin, Jian Min’s daughter. They accomplish this by fighting her husband’s mountain of a mother.

· It takes both Jian Min and Andrew to knock her out, but they do it. The Chief agrees to give them hunters to lead the way to the Yukon River.

· Jian Min is killed fighting a bear, Andrew is sent into a tailspin of depression and loses his faith in God.

· Now he has Meilin to look after, no small thing, considering she is blind.

· The party meets a canoe full of Jesuit priests on the river who tell horrible tales of the unwary. Andrew is polite, but insistent: they have no need to shelter at their fort.

· At last the priests leave and the party discover Meilin has wandered off and been captured by a party of Tsimshian raiders.

· It’s a race to recover her, and when they do, Andrew’s temper and skills save the day. They are off through the forest with warriors behind them only to make it to the river to find a familiar form in charge of the Indians: Red Seamus Fogerty.

Emotion: Abandoned/unworthy

Action: He has to take the party north to the claim. He has all these people counting on him. (still set in the old ways)

Challenge: he can’t go on against the unknown by himself.

MM #7 – Pages 90 – 105 – The revelation allows our hero to see victory, and he rejoins the battle with a new fervor, finally turning the tables on his antagonist and arriving at apparent victory. And then the tables turn one more time!

· The party finds the wreckage of the Jesuits canoe on their voyage, but not the priests. Are they dead?

· Finally, they make it to the claim and settle in, building a structure for the winter, hunting, and fishing, and panning for gold. There is so much gold in the river it can be picked up just walking on the shore.

· But behind them is a plume of smoke, the ruins of a fishing camp, pillaged by the Tsimshians.

· Andrew spies the priests taken captive. Xhuuya tells him they will be slaves. Andrew can’t let that happen.

· On the sand below, he spies Seamus strutting and realizes it’s a ploy. He decides to call Seamus’ bluff.

· Jordan begs him not to, he has no idea what he’s walking into. She was Seamus’ slave for years. Andrew doesn’t care.

· He makes her promise to look after his daughter when she gets there. “Build her a fine house with my gold”. His job is done. He got them all to the claim.

· Off he goes to finish things between Seamus and him. But the tables get turned, if he wins, he becomes a Tsimsian slave.

· He has no choice but to agree if he wants to free the priests.

· The fight draws out long and hard, with Seamus fighting dirty, even shooting Andrew in the knee. He doesn’t realise how skilled Andrew is, how tenacious an Irishman with nothing to lose can be.

· In the end, Andrew kills Seamus. The victory means nothing. He’s just done what he swore he would never do: kill another man. Now he’s just a slave again.

Emotion: Numbness

Action: On autopilot. Doing what is expected of him and trying not to feel anything.

Challenge: “If I can get through this one last thing then I win.”

MM #8 – Pages 105 – 120 – The hero puts down the antagonist’s last attempt to defeat him, wraps up his story and any sub-plots, and moves into the new world he and his story have created.

· Life as a slave again. You have no identity. You are used by anyone. People don’t see you unless they want you. No one needs to respect you.

· The Tsimshian people are different. They see worth in people.

· Andrew is tall and strong. He is caring. He looks after the small children and learns the language from them. He tells them stories and plays games with them.

· One woman sees this. Her husband is dead and her son needs a father. She petitions the tribe to let Andrew be hers.

· Her son likes Andrew. He is a good hunter. The Woman, Kow-Kayth invites Andrew to share her bed. Andrew is astonished at this show of affection.

· Slowly, Andrew becomes part of the tribe. He has been looking for this acceptance his whole life. No one cares about his past here. No one points fingers. He is happy.

· This is the moment the Haida show up to rescue him. All hell breaks loose.

· The children run to the only place left: the river. The ice breaks up and they are flipped into the water.

· Andrew goes after them. He’s too heavy and sinks, the ice flow tuning over and over.

· He hauls the children out one by one. But his clothing drags him down and hypothermia disorientates him.

· Jordan and Xhuuya try to reach him but can’t, the ice bocks them. He is swept out into the river under the ice where he dies.

Emotion: Contentment/Peace

Profound Truth: Family has nothing to do with blood – you make it from those you love.

[Heather Hood]

Act 1

What learned from this assignment: I had to break the screenplay down into each of its four acts. Because I’m going to have to work on act two and three to add a Judas in there somewhere I only did act 1 for this assignment.

Andrew’s Forced Action Scenario – broken down in each scene. Most of this encompasses SHOCK/DENIAL, but scene 5 and 6 encompass ANGER

Scene 1

Emotion: Shock

Action: Captain
Andrew McKinnon, about to retire from service aboard the <i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>HMS Reliant spies
his nephew being loaded onto a ship of indentured servants

Weakness: He looses his temper. Hobbs
drowns.

Scene 2

Emotion: Despair

Action: Andrew
mocks British justice. He is exiled from Ireland for murder

Weakness: Deep
down inside he doesn’t believe he deserves happiness (Core issue)

Scene 3

Emotion: Shame

Action: The Proud Captain is forced to walk through the town in chains

Weakness: Cannot show humility Because …

Scene 4

Emotion: Frustration

Action: Defies
the Captain of the <i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>SS Sarmation, his brother-in-law

Weakness: He
can’t remember a thing that happened

Scene 5

Emotion: Rage

Action: Discovers
Big Dan, the man from the worst moment of his past, is the head of the Black
Gang (The Coal Gang) in the engine room. Stops him from hurting a crew member.

Weakness: He
hasn’t dealt with past issues, just pushed them aside

Scene 6

Emotion: Calculation

Action: Big
Dan Wants to take things up where they left off. Andrew starts to think about a
way to get even.

Weakness: lets other people push his buttons.

[Heather Hood]

Assignment 4 B Dead Poet Society

What
is the change this movie is about? What is the Transformational Journey of
this movie?<div>

The movie is about a group of students in the 60’s studying with an English teacher who challenges them to become freethinkers in an environment of tradition and conformity.

The transformational journey follows the students as they begin to learn what they really want from their lives, and become brave enough to think for themselves.

<div>

Lead
characters:

Who
is the Change Agent (the one causing the change) and what makes this the
right character to cause the change?

Keating is the Change agent. Teacher, wise old man figure in the story: carries knowledge the others don’t have, but want. (Like Gandolf or Obiwan Kenobi)

Who
is the Transformable Character (the one who makes the change) and what
makes them the right character to deliver this profound journey?

Todd Anderson is the Transformable Character. He is the one who has the longest journey to make, the one who comes in knowing nothing. And can therefore reflect the greatest change.

What
is the Oppression?

The oppression is the rigid school system, but also society. The parents who believe they must live through their children and so sacrifice to provide the best for them whether they are happy about it or not.

How
are we lured into the profound journey? What causes us to connect with
this story?

For me, I actually grew up in a system like this with parents very much like Neil’s. None of us wanted to be oppressed by authority in the 70’s. We were all striving to be freethinkers. Breaking the rules, getting grounded and punished was the norm. The movie captured it beautifully. My Mr. Keating was my acting teacher, Mr. Norman.

The writers found common ground with the audience. Okay, we didn’t read poetry in a cave, but hands up if you had some sort of secret club with your friends where you hung out and did ‘stuff’?

Looking
at the character(s) who are changed the most, what is the profound
journey?

Todd, Knox and the rest of the Dead Poets who stood on the desks. To some extent Neil’s parents got profoundly changed. Even Mr. Keating was changed.

From
“old ways” to “new way of being.” Identify their old way: Identify their
new way at the conclusion:

Todd was an introvert, afraid to step forward and speak. He becomes the first one to salute Mr. Keating.

Knox lived in fear of showing his feelings. At the end he shows his feelings for Chris and Neil.

Neil’s parents were rigid in their expectations. They realise too late the effect their behavior has on their son.

Mr. Keating’s old behavior is nonconformist. It doesn’t change and he is punished for that. In the end his change is to accept that punishment but he sees his teaching reached his students.

What
is the gradient the change? What steps did the Transformational Character
go through as they were changing?

Seize the day -> take a chance

Words can change the world

We must look at things from a different way

Strive to find your own voice

Stand up for others

How
is the “old way” challenged? What beliefs are challenged that cause a main
character to shift their perspective…and make the change?

They are challenged to walk their own ways instead of being sheep and following others.

Rip the pages of the book out, take a chance, Look at things your own way instead of the way it’s taught. Feel it instead.

Words can change the world.

“Being in the club means being stirred up by things.”

What
are the most profound moments of the movie?

The whole scene where Neil’s father comes to the play and you just see the light in Neil’s eyes die. Then he kills himself. And the boy’s reaction to losing their friend who was so full of life.

The betrayal of Mr. Keating, when Todd realizes all the boys have turned against him to avoid being expelled.

What
are the most profound lines of the movie?

“We are just food for worms, boys. Seize the day and make your life extraordinary.”

“Words can change the world.”

When Keating says to Todd “Don’t you forget this.”

“You’re playing the part of the dutiful son.”

“You’re not an indifferent servant.”

How
does the ending payoff the setups of this movie?

Eloquently. You want to stand up and cheer for Mr. Keating because he did indeed make a difference in his students lives.

What
is the Profound Truth of this movie?

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Don’t be afraid to think differently. You can change the world.

</div></div>

[Heather Hood]

Day 4A Assignment

“What I learned doing this assignment is…I have to add a betraying Character. Who will be Judas?

The further adventures of transforming our characters

Heather’s comments on the characters in ‘Into the Mist’

ASSIGNMENT 1:

Even if you are not completely sure about which characters are which, give us your current GUESS about these four roles.

Tell
us your transformational journey logline.

2. Canada 1886: Andrew McKinnon, infamous sea captain, must change everything he believes about himself to tackle the mystical British Columbia coastline and lead a handful of adventurers to the first Klondike gold claim.

Tell
us who you think might be your Change Agent and give a few sentences about
how that character fits the role. Also, include: - Their vision: - Their past experience
that fits that vision:

Jian Min, an elderly Chinese diplomat, is the change agent. Why? He is the polar opposite of Andrew: a man schooled in Martial arts discipline and philosophy, who practices the Buddhist faith. “Death is just a journey to enlightenment”. “Fight with Honor, even worms have a place in the world.”

Instead of being received with respect, he is treated with the same contempt all the Chinese railway migrants are faced with in Canada, an expensive head tax, refugee camps and white superiority. Yet he doesn’t react with anger the way Andrew does; he tries to make peace. He teaches Andrew how to over come his anger, to see beauty in the world around him, and if he must fight, how to do it without injuring himself, and to do it with honor.

Tell
us who you think might be your Transformable Character(s) and give a few
sentences about how that character or characters fit the role.

The historical figure of Capt. Andrew James McKinnon (AJ Kayll – name changed at the request of the family)) also know as “Hurricane Andrew” because of his temper. He had a hellish past, being captured as a cabin boy at the age of 10 by pirates and sold to the Ottomans. Being big for his age, they put him in a fighting ring where he stayed until his Captain found him and bought his freedom.

He came out with a formidable temper and had trouble keeping it under wraps. It got him into a lot of trouble. His unhappy outlook on life “you win the fight any way you can”, “He was an animal, let the animals deal with him”, didn’t win him many friends. He needed to change in order to bring his daughter to Canada, because he couldn’t do it alone.

The one challenge he has to overcome is: he sees himself as unworthy of a life of happiness, because of all the past mistakes he’s made.

5. Tell us who or what you think might be The Oppression and give a few sentences about how The Oppression works in your story.

The oppression could be the entire country of Canada, the antagonistic people, the environment, and the wild animals the party encounter on their journey.

Or

The oppression could be the Characters of Big Dan, Andrew’s Old nemesis who raped his wife and Red Seamus Fogarty the Pirate/Slaver of the Bean Nighe.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Can one have more than one oppression?

Tell
us who you think might be your Betraying Character and give a few
sentences about how that character fits the role.

Betraying Character? OMG, I don’t have a betraying character. Do I have to add one??? Who was the betraying character in the Matrix? Oh wait, the guy that killed everyone when they were in the stream…

Crap. I need a betraying character.

[Heather Hood]

Heather’s assignment, Andrew McKinnons’s transformational journey.

What I learned from this assignment was:

I think I have to rewrite the screenplay to reflect Andrew’s journey from old to new. I think the journey needs to be more defined in the second and third act.

Tell us your logline for the transformational
journey.

Old logline: 1886- British Columbia’s mystical coastline, where Native legends spring to life: to bring his family to Canada, an elderly sea captain must tackle this challenging coast and overcome the demons of his youth so he can reach the first Klondike gold claim.

New logline: Canada 1886: An elderly sea captain with a brutal past, must challenge all believes about himself, to tackle the mystical British Columbia coastline and lead a handful of adventurers to the first Klondike gold claim.

Pretty similar, but the second focuses more on the lead character and his journey.

Tell us what you see as the Old Ways.

Problem State for Andrew:

1. Trying to overcome his violent past:

· his temper.

· his past reputation (he killed a man in the boxing ring)

2. The prejudice of others (Irish in an English world 1886)

3. ‘you win the fight any way you can’ because it’s an unfair world.

4. Tucked way down in a mental box where no one can see it, maybe not even Andrew, is the 10-year-old boy who was captured and sold to Ottoman slavers – he still feels he is unworthy of anything.

Tell us what you see as the New Ways.

Andrew’s new ways:

1. Other see value in him – he begins to see this too.

2. Life can be fun after all.

3. Instead of getting angry, let it go. Just breathe.

4. You do the best you can and you are not responsible for other’s feelings.

5. No one is perfect.

[Heather Hood]

Give us your three decisions.
1. What is your profound truth?
2. What is the change your movie will cause with an audience?
3. What is your Entertainment Vehicle that you will tell this story through?
4. Answer the question “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” (place at top of your work).

Answers:

1: Your “family” can be anyone not just someone who shares your blood.

2: The audience will: look on others around them as part of their “family”.

3: The EV is the embellished-as-it-happened conflict.

4: What have I learned: I learned a true story is not necessarily a “true” story and I shouldn’t be worried so much about that if I need to make the story work. (And be interesting)

The original theme was not what I thought it was – it may not even be this one, so don’t sweat it. Yet.

Just write all the scenarios you see in your minds eye and figure the whole journey out later.

[Heather Hood]

I learned this is definitely going to be an exciting way to approach writing a screenplay.

[Heather Hood]

Here are my thoughts on Groundhog day:

What is the CHANGE this movie is about? What
is the Transformational Journey of this movie?

Phil is learning the world is not all about him. His attitude toward life has pushed people away from him and he is profoundly lonely. He transforms into a caring person: seeing everyone has value.

Lead characters:

Who is the Change Agent (the one causing the
change) and what makes this the right character to cause the change?

Rita is the change agent because she is the one who affects Phil the most, the one he most wants to be with. Also she is the direct opposite (behaviorally) of him.

Who is the Transformable Character (the one
who makes the change) and what makes them the right character to deliver
this profound journey?

Phil stands to gain the most by changing on the journey.

What is the Oppression?

The oppression is the same day repeating over and over.

How are we lured into the profound journey?
What causes us to connect with this story?

The use of Bill Murray’s excellent sense of comedic timing brought the character to life for me. He turned a character that could have been on the cusp of unlikable into someone I felt for. The annoying friend selling insurance. Didn’t we all have one of those? Imagine that day after day. Jeeze when Phil decked him, I cheered.

Looking at the character(s) who are changed
the most, what is the profound journey? From “old ways” to “new way of
being.” Identify their old way: Identify their new way at the conclusion:

Phil – changes from someone who uses everyone else for his benefit to someone who is genuinely concerned for others.

Rita – learns to let go and trust.

The town – accepts this wacky weather guy as one of their own, like the groundhog, he becomes theirs.

What is the gradient the change? What steps
did the Transformational Character go through as they were changing?

He went through the 5 steps of grieving: Shock/denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. These are what we go through when confronted with loss, so his journey was a loss of control in his life, not knowing why he was trapped in this loop, or how to get out of it.

How is the “old way” challenged? What beliefs
are challenged that cause a main character to shift their perspective…and
make the change?

He changes the way he interacts with people, especially women. His old pick-up lines just don’t work. He sees them as people, not just things there for his personal ‘enjoyment’. His “new way” involves honesty about his feelings towards people with himself. He allows himself to care.

What are the most profound moments of the
movie?

When the old man dies and he realizes he can’t save him. He realizes he can’t save everyone. He’s NOT God.

What are the most profound lines of the movie?

“Sometimes people just die.”

How does the ending payoff the setups of this
movie?

The fact that Phil is in the bed with Rita, NOT trying to make out, and just telling her how he feels is a polar opposite to the beginning of the movie. Such a satisfying show of character growth.

10. What is the Profound Truth of this movie?

Showing your feelings for someone you care about is risky, but it makes life worth living.

[Heather Hood]

II reply to the terms of this release form.

[Heather Hood]

Hi everyone,

I’m Heather. I’m professional writer of books, short stories, articles and just starting screenplays. I’ve written four so far. I’ve been involved in theater and film my whole life, as a historical costumer, dancer and actor. Writing just seemed like the next step.

I hope to be able to tackle rewrites with meaningful structure by the time I finish this course. I’m feeling like a boat lost in fog right now. Hopefully this will help the sun burn through!

Thanks Hal and Cheryl

[Heather Hood]

Hey Tonya! Nice to see you! The Rockies are my home.

I missed the rest of my post so I’ll stick it here:

1. Name? Heather Hood.

2. How many scripts you’ve written? 12 ish.

3. What you hope to get out of the class? Some of my scripts need more structure and work. I hope to elevate them.

4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? I live off grid and homestead.

Have a wonderful day folks!

[Heather Hood]

So you have a vampire that’s developing a conscience after living with humans after so long and has suddenly discovered he’s in love? Maybe that’s his weakness. Maybe he’s terrified of vampiric retribution in some form? Or will he turn mortal and is it fear of death? Or maybe just the catharsis of impending change that he can’t handle? Just throwing thought at you : )

[Heather Hood]

Thanks Pam. I was just blown away because it was a contained script that held my interest for the whole movie!

[Heather Hood]

Thanks Mark!

[Heather Hood]

Sounds like the perfect vehicle for an A list actor.

[Heather Hood]

Everybody loves an underdog story like this! Can’t wait to see what you do with it.

[Heather Hood]

I can already see this in my mind. Great vision😃

[Heather Hood]

Nice clear transformational journey.

[Heather Hood]

Thanks for your feedback, Mark. I appreciate it.

[Heather Hood]

I like Mean Mama. I looked it up on IMDb and it’s not taken.

[Heather Hood]

I love this concept, Jeff!

[Heather Hood]

Hey Tonya! I live in the Rockies in a trailer too! With destucto dog! Nice to meet you!

Heather

[Heather Hood]

I’m still searching for the link. I did see you on Linked In and sent you a message.

Sometimes I think it doesn’t matter how good your script is, but simply a matter of what is current or of taste to producers. They don’t have “Wish List” sites where one can see what they’re looking for like agents do. I have heard everything from ” this script will never be produced” with no explanation from one reader, to the same script placing in a contest. It’s very discouraging when you get no explanations as to where you’re going wrong.

That’s why I think being a writer/director might be the way to go. At least your script remains your vision.

[Heather Hood]

Well… Here’s the thing. Computer accounts have been hard for me lately cause, like a spectacular dumb ass I shattered my knee into thousands of pieces shortly after the course started. I think I can get on my Linked In on my phone. Go ahead and drop me a friend request there and we’ll see. Pain killers are messing with my head. Try doing the course on Opiates, Lol!

I was hoping I might exchange scripts with you in lesson 17? Hal was setting up a place for us to do this.

Heather

[Heather Hood]

Thank you. Can’t wait to see what this course brings!

[Heather Hood]

Hi Christopher,

I wanted to give you some feedback and tell you how impressed I am with your screenplay. You must have done a lot of research into the life of Helen Keller in order to get into this kind of depth.

I am visually impaired so your topic really interested me. I love how you represented her inclusion into the world and gave her a ‘voice’ for the disabled. Thank you for opening peoples eyes to what we can do when we can’t see or hear. I hope someone is brave enough to produce this.

The reaction of the teacher and mother are fairly typical for the period. It’s hard to say much more without reading the script. You can understand their over the top uber mothering of Helen when the boyfriend/suitor comes on scene – they’ve been taking care of her for so long. I wonder, is there a financial consideration for them involved with Helen’s care? Might that be an issue they would be worried about? If there is, you might have to work that in.

Remember women’s role in society in general at this point in time. A normal woman did not have much freedom, never mind a disabled one, so make sure you don’t overstep any boundaries, especially if her family is from Alabama! I’m from Canada, and I know things were different in the States – in many ways, where Helen was from things were much stricter. You’ve chosen a time period when so much was changing for women, a lot of men were over reacting in various ways.

Best of luck with this! Looking forward to seeing it on the screen.

Heather

[Heather Hood]

Thank you Julia,

I appreciate the tip. I still have to fine tune the screenplay a little bit and adjust a few scenes now that I have a map. It’s funny how writing a 120,000 wd book and getting it published doesn’t scare me at all, but pitching a screenplay has me quaking in my boots!

Heather

[Heather Hood]

This one was a toughie wasn’t it? Is your lead character writing a book and compiling all of the experiences from her clients into it? or just collecting food for thought from the stories she hears?

[Heather Hood]

I wish I could work the residential schools in there somewhere, but it’s just too touchy right now. There are even subjects I have to be so careful not to mention about Native traditions. I’m just very lucky to have good friends connected to several Peoples to advise me on these things so I can be as respectful as possible.