[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s High Speed Writing Rules

My Vison: To be a full-time respected screenwriter whose work brings joy to viewers and creates work for others in the industry, including actors and crew.

What I learned: As much as I was telling myself to keep moving, I had to tell myself to forget backtracking to fix anything. The dialogue is stilted but I was able to stick to the outline and move it ahead. Now onto the next scenes. I can absolutely understand how this can be a game changer. Now I just need to get the time to write …

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s first scene

My Vison: To be a full-time respected screenwriter whose work brings joy to viewers and creates work for others in the industry, including actors and crew.

What I learned: Using the outline definitely made a difference. But it didn’t constrain me as much as I thought it might. I still had plenty of freedom to craft this scene in a way that even surprised me. It’s not very good yet (30% is generous), but it’s a start!

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s intriguing moments

My Vison:

To be a full-time respected screenwriter whose work brings joy to viewers and creates work for others in the industry, including actors and crew.

What I learned:

I zoomed through this assignment – still trying to catch up – but was able to see where the scene did include the intrigue techniques and where they could be stronger.

A Novel Nuptial Revolt:

A bride’s wedding plans unravel when her own fictional creations hijack the festivities, turning her special day into a chaotic battle of wills.

Act 1

Secret: Marta is hiding the truth about the readiness of her overdue manuscript.

Intrigue: Chad cautions her about micromanaging this day, which implies this may be an issue with her.

Intrigue: Why is Marta avoiding her publisher’s calls?

Scheme: Marta lies about having her manuscript ready.

Intrigue/conspiracy: Marta meet Vincent and Lily, dressed in 19th century garb. Vincent introduces them (her book’s fictional characters!). They demand she change their characters — or they will edit her.

Act 2:

Intrigue: The police officer who arrives is another one of her fictional characters, Detective Felix Sharp.

Intrigue: Marta’s fictional characters suddenly fill the venue.

Hidden identity: Vincent arrives in the groom’s suite. Sees Chad and is visibly shaken.

Intrigue/mystery: Why does Vincent look menacingly at Chad like he knows him?

Superior position: Marta’s publisher arrives and Vincent lies by telling her that Marta has agreed to major changes.

Cover up/secret identity: Marta tells the publisher that Vincent and Lily are the wedding planners.

Intrigue: Will Chad call off the wedding day?

Mystery: How does Vincent shoves Chad into the fictional book world, and how will Chad get back!

Act 3

Scheme: Marta convinces Vincent to bring out Royal Brighton, the book’s hero and Vincent’s nemesis, to discuss the changes she’ll need to make to their storylines.

Intrigue/Hidden identity: To everyone’s shock, Royal appears — and looks exactly like a 19th-century Chad.

Superior position: Guests assume this is some over-the-top wedding.

Mystery: In a spectacular flash, Chad reappears!

Intrigue: The publisher declares that Marta’s career is over!

Scheme: Determined, Marta and Chad grin at each other. “Butter!” they say in unison.

Conspiracy: Chad motions for the characters to follow his lead!

Act 4

Scheme: Marta summons up her creative energy and demands Vincent return to the fictional realm.

Conspiracy: Marta has her fictional characters working together to force Vincent toward the now thoroughly buttered dance floor.

Intrigue: Vincent, disoriented and defeated, sees everyone united against him. Marta yells, “No!”

Mystery: Marta tells Vincent that she has a new novel in mind, and he may be just the character to lead it — with a few minor adjustments.

Covert agenda: Marta gives Vincent a redemption story where he learns to let go of his resentment and embrace a new role as a mystery-solving sea captain.

Hidden identity: Vincent, now dressed as a sea captain, steps in as the ceremony’s new officiant!

Conspiracy: Bridesmaids walk down the aisle, now with Lily as maid of honor — and Marta appearing in an amazing Lily original.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s emotional moments

My Vison:

To be a full-time respected screenwriter whose work brings joy to viewers and creates work for others in the industry, including actors and crew.

What I learned:

This was so much frickin’ fun. But it’s also significantly different than what I thought I’d have. I am STILL honoring the concept, and I think even more than it had been. But this version was me letting go.

A Novel Nuptial Revolt:

A bride’s wedding plans unravel when her own fictional creations hijack the festivities, turning her special day into a chaotic battle of wills.

Act 1:

1. Marta wakes up anxious and excited on her wedding day, determined to keep everything under control. Calls the groom, Chad, to be sure he hasn’t changed his mind. He asks of she was able to arrange to extend the deadline for her latest manuscript with the publisher. She’s noncommittal and adds she’s heading to the venue with her dress/shoes, and wants to make the final checks. He cautions her about micromanaging this day.

2. Marta arrives at the venue — and begins nit-picking everything and everyone. She cuts grass that doesn’t need cutting; plumps decorations that don’t need plumping; nags the caters; straightens straight chairs.

3. In the bride’s and bridesmaids’ suite, Marta reminds her bridesmaids about nail color (one still has time to change hers!) and lipstick color. She also avoids a call from her publisher. Marta puts on her boring white wedding dress as the bridesmaids put on boring beige dresses.

4. Oops! The publisher calls one of the bridesmaids, who hands the phone to Marta. Her publisher reminds Marta that she promised to deliver her manuscript a week ago. Wants her to deliver it today; the publisher says she’ll pick up the thumb drive when she arrives at the wedding in a few hours. Marta lies about having it ready. Someone poke’s a head into the room to say Marta is needed.

5. Marta arrives in the room to see Vincent and Lily. Vincent tells her they are tired of her constant editing with no regard to what they want. They demand she change their characters: He doesn’t want to be the antagonist; and he wants current the hero, Royal Brighton, deleted. Lily refuses to do housework anymore, she wants to be a world-famous artist and princess. Marta doesn’t believe them, insists they leave. Instead, Vincent randomly rearranges all the chairs with the flick of his hand. Lily refuses to clean the room.

Act 2:

6. Marta, confused and unable to reason with them, calls the police. The police officer who arrives is another one of her fictional characters! Detective Felix Sharp, a hard-boiled, noir-style detective from her earlier mystery novels, arrests Marta’s wedding planner and takes her away.

7. Vincent and Lily explain they’ve come from a fictional realm that’s merged with reality due to Marta’s intense emotions and creative energy. To get them to return to the fictional realm, they again demand she change their story lines. Marta counters that she’s in charge of her imagination. She orders them to leave.

8. Instead, Marta’s characters appear! Suddenly, the venue is flooded with characters from Marta’s various novels: A pirate, a medieval knight, an astronaut, and a vagabond in cutoffs and straw hat. The pirate and the knight start fighting. The vagabond goes fishing in the chocolate fountain. The caterers, frightened, run out.

9. Marta barges into the groom’s suite where groom Chad and the groomsmen are preparing, and the wedding photographer is snapping photos. She accuses of pulling another one of his practical jokes, just like in college. Chad’s confused.

10. Flashback: First day of college term, a younger Chad butters a wooden floor in a common area where his buddy often walks. Lost and searching for her dorm room while lugging a beanbag chair, Marta steps onto the slippery floor. The beanbag chair goes down and so does she. Horrified, Chad rushes to help — and goes down on top of her and the beanbag chair. Chad profusely apologizes. At first shocked and embarrassed, Marta bursts into laughter. He laughs, too, and they share a moment. End flashback.

11. Vincent arrives in the groom’s suite. Sees Chad and is visibly shaken. He recovers and tells the groomsmen their services are no longer needed. Ditto the photographer when Vincent says they’ve “edited the photographer.” He chases them all out, stops, and he sets his sights on Chad. Marta steps between them and shoves Vincent out of the suite.

12. Back where the service will take place and surrounded by her characters, Marta tries appeasement. She grabs a notepad and writes furiously as the fictional characters shout their demands. Characters disappear one after the other but leave evidence behind such as the fishing pole, a lance, and the astronaut helmet. Vincent watches, suspicious.

13. Marta’s publisher arrives for the wedding and sees the chaos. She still pressures her to deliver her overdue manuscript before leaving on the honeymoon — or be dropped. Vincent butts in, telling the publisher that Marta has agreed to major changes. The publisher flips out, tells Marta that makes her contract null and void!

14. Thinking fast, Marta tells the publisher that Vincent and Lily are the wedding planners and here to create a unique, immersive wedding — aimed at impressing both her guests and her publisher. Vincent stops to listen. Lily is excited to put her artistic chops to work. But Chad pulls Marta aside and delivers an ultimatum: Either Vincent and Lily go, or they call off the wedding day.

15. Vincent counters that it’s time to edit the groom! With flourish, Vincent shoves Chad into the fictional book world, making him disappear from the venue!

Act 3

16. Panicking over Chad’s disappearance, Marta tells Vincent he can have anything he wants. She writes down his demands, but nothing happens.

17. Marta convinces Vincent to bring out Royal Brighton, the book’s hero and Vincent’s nemesis, to discuss the changes she’ll need to make to their storylines. She suggests that a new storyline for Royal is better than deleting him and would be a better revenge for Vincent.

18. Marta’s publisher begins livestreaming the event to market Marta’s upcoming book. The live event goes viral.

19. Vincent, intrigued by the idea of confronting his nemesis, uses his powers to bring Royal Brighton into the real world. To everyone’s shock, Royal arrives in a flourish — and looks exactly like a 19th-century Chad. Royal sees Vincent and immediately challenges him to a dual.

20. Marta steps in and asks Royal if Chad was safe in the fictional world. Royal says yes, and challenges the publisher to a dual before he realizes Vincent is there: Duel target changes!

21. The wedding officiant arrives and assumes that Royal/Chad is the groom/Chad. Vincent pauses the duel to tell him that Marta and Chad have called off the wedding. He chases the officiant away. Wedding guests arrive.

22. Guests assume this is some over-the -top wedding. They go from confusion to cheering and picking a side The publisher keeps filming with her smart phone.

23. Lily returns with the bridesmaids. All their dresses have been crazy-cool altered! Marta steps between Vincent and Royal. She declares that she’ll duel with Vincent – and when she wins, he must return Chad!

24. Vincent pulls out a sword! Marta pulls out a pen and notepad! Disgusted, Vincent slaps away the notepad with his sword, stinging Marta’s hand and drawing blood. Royal steps in to protect her and Vincent stabs him! Royal falls to the ground, injured.

25. Wedding guests begin to sneer at Marta and side with Vincent, believing him to be the true hero of the story.

26. Marta, bleeding, helps Royal to his feet. Royal silently reminds her of his origins as a reflection of Chad. Realization hits Marta: She’s had the power to save Chad all along! Concentrating her creative energy, she visualizes Chad’s return. In a spectacular flash, Chad appears in Royal’s place! Determined, they grin at each other. “Butter!” they say in unison.

27. Marta resummons her fictional characters: Detective Felix Sharp, the pirate, a medieval knight, an astronaut, and vagabond are back! The publisher watches the comments fly by on the livestream. Many declare Marta scam artist and a sham. The publisher declares that Marta’s career is over! Chad motions for the characters to follow his lead!

Act 4:

28. Blood on her wedding dress and hair messed up, Marta reminds Vincent that it was HER creativity and HER emotional energy that brought her books’ characters out of the fictional world to this one. She is their creator. She summons up her creative energy and demands he return to that realm. Nothing happens.

29. Marta turns to Lily and Royal. Commends Lily on the bridesmaids dresses and Royal for stepping in to help. These weren’t rewrites; this is part of who she intended them to be. Same for the others! Soon, she has them all backing up Vincent toward the now thoroughly buttered dance floor.

30. As Marta, Chad, the fictional characters, and wedding guests close in on Vincent, he slips on the buttered dance floor, landing in a heap. He vainly struggles to get up. The guests jeer and clap, yelling for Marta to delete him. Vincent, disoriented and defeated, see everyone united against him. Marta yells, “No!”

31. Marta holds out her hand and helps Vincent up. Chad helps steady him, too. Marta reminds them that she created Vincent and loves him, too, even with his quirky bad-boy qualities. She adds that she does have a new story in mind, and he may be just the character to lead it — with a few minor adjustments.

30. Guests shout out ideas for how the story/wedding should end. With ideas flowing, Vincent’s character changes. Vincent is given a redemption story where he learns to let go of his resentment and embrace a new role. How about a mystery-solving sea captain? Marta asks. Vincent likes the idea. Guests and fictional characters cheer.

31. Lily and the bridesmaids whisk Marta away.

32. The publisher yells for everyone to get into their places and she films. Chad, Royal (best man), the astronaut, and the vagabond take the groom and groomsmen spots. The guests are peppered with humans and the rest of Marta’s fictional characters. Chad smiles at Vincent, who’s now dressed as a sea captain, and motions him to the front. Again with a flourish, Vincent steps in to perform the ceremony!

33. Music swells, and the bridesmaids walk down the aisle, now with Lily as maid of honor — and Marta appearing in an amazing Lily original.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s reveals

My Vison:

To be a full-time respected screenwriter whose work brings joy to viewers and creates work for others in the industry, including actors and crew.

What I learned:

Now is the time to make sure the set ups and reveals are in place.

A Novel Nuptial Revolt:

A bride’s wedding plans unravel when her own fictional creations hijack the festivities, turning her special day into a chaotic battle of wills.

Act 1:

1. Marta wakes up anxious and excited on her wedding day, determined to keep everything under control. Calls the groom, Chad, to be sure he hasn’t changed his mind. He asks of she was able to arrange to extend the deadline for her latest manuscript with the publisher. She’s noncommittal and adds she’s heading to the venue with her dress/shoes, and wants to make the final checks. He cautions her about micromanaging this day.

2. Marta arrives at the venue — and begins nit-picking everything and everyone. She cuts grass that doesn’t need cutting; plumps decorations that don’t need plumping; nags the caters; straightens straight chairs.

3. In the bride’s and bridesmaids’ suite, Marta reminds her bridesmaids about nail color (one still has time to change hers!) and lipstick color. She also avoids a call from her publisher. Marta puts on her boring white wedding dress as the bridesmaids put on boring beige dresses.

4. Oops! The publisher calls one of the bridesmaids, who hands the phone to Marta. Her publisher reminds Marta that she promised to deliver her manuscript a week ago. Wants her to deliver it today; the publisher says she’ll pick up the thumb drive when she arrives at the wedding in a few hours. Marta lies about having it ready. Someone poke’s a head into the room to say Marta is needed.

5. Marta arrives in the room to see Vincent and Lily. Vincent tells her they are tired of her constant editing with no regard to what they want. They demand she change their characters: He doesn’t want to be the antagonist; and he wants current the hero, Royal Brighton, deleted. Lily refuses to do housework anymore, she wants to be a world-famous artist and princess. Marta doesn’t believe them, insists they leave. Instead, Vincent randomly rearranges all the chairs with the flick of his hand. Lily refuses to clean the room.

Act 2:

6. Marta, confused and unable to reason with them, calls the police. The police officer who arrives is another one of her fictional characters! Detective Felix Sharp, a hard-boiled, noir-style detective from her earlier mystery novels, arrests Marta’s wedding planner and takes her away.

7. Vincent and Lily explain they’ve come from a fictional realm that’s merged with reality due to Marta’s intense emotions and creative energy. To get them to return to the fictional realm, they again demand she change their story lines. Marta counters that she’s in charge of her imagination. She orders them to leave.

8. Instead, Marta’s characters appear! Suddenly, the venue is flooded with characters from Marta’s various novels: A pirate, a medieval knight, an astronaut, and a vagabond in cutoffs and straw hat. The pirate and the knight start fighting. The vagabond goes fishing in the chocolate fountain. The caterers, frightened, run out.

9. Marta barges into the groom’s suite to accuse her groom, Chad, of pulling another one of his practical jokes. Chad doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Then Vincent arrives, tells the groomsmen their services are no longer needed, and chases them out. He eyes Chad suspiciously.

10. Marta tries appeasement. She grabs a notepad and writes furiously as the other fictional characters shout their demands. Characters disappear one after the other but leave evidence behind such as the fishing pole, a lance, and the astronaut helmet. Vincent watches, suspicious.

11. Marta’s publisher arrives for the wedding and pressures her to deliver her overdue manuscript before leaving on the honeymoon — or be dropped. Vincent butts in, telling the publisher that Marta has agreed to major changes. The publisher flips out, tells Marta her contract is null and void, if that happens.

12. Thinking fast, Marta tells the publisher that Vincent and Lily are here to create a unique, immersive wedding, aimed at impressing both her guests and her publisher. Vincent stops to listen. Lily is excited to put her artistic chops to work. But the groom, Chad, delivers an ultimatum: Either Vincent and Lily go, or he does.

13. Vincent counters that he knew he didn’t like that groom! In a dramatic confrontation, Vincent pulls Chad into the fictional book world, making him disappear from the venue!

Act 3

14. Panicking over Chad’s disappearance, Marta tells Vincent he can have anything he wants. She writes down his demands, but nothing happens.

15. Marta convinces Vincent to bring out Royal Brighton, the book’s hero and Vincent’s nemesis, to discuss the changes she’ll need to make to their storylines. She suggests that a new storyline for Royal is better than deleting him and would be a better revenge for Vincent.

16. Marta’s publisher begins livestreaming the event to market Marta’s upcoming book. The live event goes viral.

17. Vincent, intrigued by the idea of confronting his nemesis, uses his powers to bring Royal Brighton into the real world. To everyone’s shock, Royal arrives in a flourish — and looks exactly like a 19th-century Chad. Royal sees Vincent and immediately challenges him to a dual.

18. Marta steps in and asks Royal if Chad was safe in the fictional world. Royal says yes, and challenges the publisher to a dual.

19. The wedding officiant arrives and assumes that Royal/Chad is the groom/Chad. Vincent tells him that Marta and Chad have called off the wedding. He sends the officiant away. Wedding guests arrive.

20. Marta enlists Royal’s help to bring back her groom, Chad. Royal/Chad immediately challenges Vincent to a duel! Guests assume this is some over-the -top wedding. The publisher keeps filming with her smart phone.

21. Lily returns with the bridesmaids. All their dresses have been crazy-cool altered! Marta steps between Vincent and Royal. She declares that she’ll fight a duel with Vincent – and when she wins, he must return Chad!

22. Vincent pulls out a sword! Marta pulls out a pen and notepad! Disgusted, Vincent slaps away the notepad with his sword, stinging Marta’s hand and drawing blood. Royal steps in with his sword and Vincent stabs him! Royal falls to the ground, injured.

23. Wedding guests begin to sneer at Marta and side with Vincent, believing him to be the true hero of the story. Her fictional characters reappear! Detective Felix Sharp, the pirate, a medieval knight, an astronaut, and vagabond are back! The publisher watches the comments fly by on the livestream. Many declare Marta scam artist and a sham. The publisher declares that Marta is out as one of their writers. Her career is over!

Act 4:

24. Blood on her wedding dress and hair messed up, Marta stands and helps up Royal. She reminds Vincent that it was HER creativity and HER emotional energy that brought her books’ characters out of the fictional world to this one. She is their creator. She summons up her creative energy and now she demands Chad’s release. Nothing happens.

25. Marta turns to Lily and Royal. Commends Lily on the bridesmaids dresses and Royal for stepping in to help. These weren’t rewrites. She asks Lily and Royal for their help – and then also the guests.

26. Guests shout out ideas for how the story/wedding should end. With ideas flowing, Vincent’s character changes. Vincent is given a redemption story where he learns to let go of his resentment and embraces a new role.

27. Chad reappears! Soon the wedding guests are joined by other of Marta’s fictional characters in the seats. Lily and the bridesmaids whisk Marta away.

28. Vincent and Chad give each other a stare down. Vincent looks ready to pounce, but Chad announces he was always one of his favorite characters from Marta. He looks at Royal and acknowledges they’re a lot alike. Royal surmises that Marta must see him as a hero.

29. The publisher yells for everyone to get into their places and she films. Chad, Royal, and Vincent take the groom and groomsmen spots! The guests are peppered with humans and Marta’s fictional characters!

30. The bridesmaids walk down the aisle, now with Lily as maid of honor. Marta appears in an amazing Lily original!

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s character action tracts

My Vison:

To be a full-time respected screenwriter whose work brings joy to viewers and creates work for others in the industry, including actors and crew.

What I learned:

It’s so easy to let the other characters have the best actions. This helped keep that from happening.

A Novel Nuptial Revolt:

A bride’s wedding plans unravel when her own fictional creations hijack the festivities, turning her special day into a chaotic battle of wills.

Act 1:

1. Marta wakes up anxious and excited on her wedding day, determined to keep everything under control. Calls the groom, Chad, to be sure he hasn’t changed his mind. He commends her for arranging an extension on her manuscript with the publisher. She’s noncommittal; doesn’t correct him. Says she’s heading to the venue with her dress/shoes, and wants to make the final checks.

2. Marta arrives at the venue — and begins micromanaging everything and everyone. She cuts grass that doesn’t need cutting; plumps decorations that don’t need plumping; leaves messages for the caters; straightens chairs that are already straight.

3. In the bride’s and bridesmaids’ suite, Marta reminds her bridesmaids about their nail color (one still has time to change hers!) and lipstick color. Marta avoids a call from her publisher. Marta puts on her boring white wedding dress as the bridesmaids put on boring beige dresses.

4. Oops! The publisher calls one of the bridesmaids, who hands the phone to Marta. Her publisher reminds Marta that she promised to deliver her manuscript a week ago. Wants her to deliver it today; the publisher says she’ll pick up the thumb drive when she arrives at the wedding in a few hours. Marta panics, but lies about not having it ready. Still thinks she can stall by avoiding the publisher on this very busy day. Someone poke’s a head into the room to say Marta is needed.

5. Marta arrives in the room to see Vincent and Lily. She demands to know who they are. Vincent tells her they are tired of her constant editing with no regard to what they want. They demand she change their characters: He doesn’t want to be the antagonist; he wants current the hero, Royal Brighton, deleted. Lily refuses to do housework anymore, she wants to be a world-famous artist and princess. Marta doesn’t believe them, insists they leave. Instead, Vincent randomly rearranges all the chairs with the flick of his hand. Lily refuses to clean the room.

Act 2:

6. Marta, overwhelmed and unable to reason with them, calls the police. The police officer who arrives is another one of her fictional characters! Detective Felix Sharp, a hard-boiled, noir-style detective from her earlier mystery novels, arrests Marta’s wedding planner and takes her away.

7. Vincent and Lily explain they’ve come from a fictional realm that’s merged with reality due to Marta’s intense emotions and creative energy. To get them to return to the fictional realm, they again demand she change their story lines. Marta counters that she’s in charge of her imagination. She orders them to leave.

8. Instead, Marta’s characters appear! Suddenly, the venue is flooded with characters from Marta’s various novels: A pirate, a medieval knight, an astronaut, and a vagabond in cutoffs and straw hat. The pirate and the knight start fighting. The vagabond goes fishing in the chocolate fountain. The caterers, frightened, run out.

9. Marta barges into the groom’s suite to accuse her groom, Chad, of pulling another one of his practical jokes. Chad doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Then Vincent arrives, tells the groomsmen their services are no longer needed, and chases them out. He eyes Chad suspiciously.

10. Marta tries appeasement. She grabs a notepad and writes furiously as the other fictional characters shout their demands. Characters disappear one after the other but leave evidence behind such as the fishing pole, a lance, and the astronaut helmet. Vincent watches, suspicious.

11. Marta’s publisher arrives for the wedding and pressures her to deliver her overdue manuscript before leaving on the honeymoon — or be dropped. Vincent butts in, telling the publisher that Marta has agreed to major changes. The publisher flips out, tells Marta her contract is null and void, if that happens.

12. Thinking fast, Marta tells the publisher that Vincent and Lily are here to create a unique, immersive wedding, aimed at impressing both her guests and her publisher. Vincent stops to listen. Lily is excited to put her artistic chops to work. But the groom, Chad, delivers an ultimatum: Either Vincent and Lily go, or he does.

13. Vincent counters that he knew he didn’t like that groom! In a dramatic confrontation, Vincent pulls Chad into the fictional book world, making him disappear from the venue!

Act 3

14. Panicking over Chad’s disappearance, Marta tells Vincent he can have anything he wants. She writes down his demands, but nothing happens.

15. Marta convinces Vincent to bring out Royal Brighton, the book’s hero and Vincent’s nemesis, to discuss the changes she’ll need to make to their storylines. She suggests that a new storyline for Royal is better than deleting him and would be a better revenge for Vincent.

16. Marta’s publisher begins livestreaming the event to market Marta’s upcoming book. The live event goes viral.

17. Vincent, intrigued by the idea of confronting his nemesis, uses his powers to bring Royal Brighton into the real world. To everyone’s shock, Royal arrives in a flourish — and looks exactly like a 19th-century Chad. Royal sees Vincent and immediately challenges him to a dual.

18. Marta steps in and asks Royal if Chad was safe in the fictional world. Royal says yes, and challenges the publisher to a dual.

19. The wedding officiant arrives and assumes that Royal/Chad is the groom/Chad. Vincent tells him that Marta and Chad have called off the wedding. He sends the officiant away. Wedding guests arrive.

20. Marta enlists Royal’s help to bring back her groom, Chad. Royal/Chad immediately challenges Vincent to a duel! Guests assume this is some over-the -top wedding. The publisher keeps filming with her smart phone.

21. Lily returns with the bridesmaids. All their dresses have been crazy-cool altered! Marta steps between Vincent and Royal. She declares that she’ll duel Vincent – and when she wins, he must return Chad!

22. Vincent pulls out a sword! Marta pulls out a pen and notepad! Disgusted, Vincent slaps away the notepad with his sword, stinging Marta’s hand and drawing blood. Royal steps in with his sword and Vincent stabs him! Royal falls to the ground, injured.

23. Wedding guests begin to sneer at Marta and side with Vincent, believing him to be the true hero of the story. The publisher watches the comments fly by on the livestream, declaring Marta a sham. The publisher declares that Marta is out as one of their writers. Her career is over!

Act 4:

24. Blood on her wedding dress and hair messed up, Marta stands and helps up Royal. She reminds Vincent that it was HER creativity and HER emotional energy that brought her books’ characters out of the fictional world to this one. She is their creator. She summons up her creative energy and now she demands Chad’s release. Nothing happens.

25. Marta turns to Lily and Royal. Commends Lily on the bridesmaids dresses and Royal for stepping in to help. These weren’t rewrites. She asks Lily and Royal for their help – and then also the guests.

26. Guests shout out ideas for how the story/wedding should end. With ideas flowing, Vincent’s character changes. Vincent is given a redemption story where he learns to let go of his resentment and embraces a new role.

27. Chad reappears! Soon the wedding guests are joined by other of Marta’s fictional characters in the seats. Lily and the bridesmaids whisk Marta away.

28. Vincent and Chad give each other a stare down. Vincent looks ready to pounce, but Chad announces he was always one of his favorite characters from Marta. He looks at Royal and acknowledges they’re a lot alike. Royal surmises that Marta must see him as a hero.

29. The publisher yells for everyone to get into their places and she films. Chad, Royal, and Vincent take the groom and groomsmen spots! The guests are peppered with humans and Marta’s fictional characters!

30. The bridesmaids walk down the aisle, now with Lily as maid of honor. Marta appears in an amazing Lily original!

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s new outline beats!

My Vison:

To be a full-time respected screenwriter whose work brings joy to viewers and creates work for others in the industry, including actors and crew.

What I learned:

Confession: I was way behind in part because of a crazy schedule and in part because I could tell the antagonists were having way too much fun in what I had. The protagonist was window dressing. Sigh. Two comments made the difference: One from Hal during the 06/13 call, when he reminded us that we can catch up in a couple of days since the original schedule is pretty slow. The second comment was from fellow coursemate, Karena Krull who kindly did an impromptu brainstorm session with me after that call. She noticed when I got more animated talking about the outline. It was when I mentioned an early idea I’d discarded. Soooo … I worked fast, went back to that early idea (same concept! Just making the fictional characters actually fictional characters instead of out-of-work-actors). It made all the difference and is a whole lot more fun. The protagonist then, too, gets to be the star.

Act 1:

1. Marta wakes up anxious and excited on her wedding day, determined to keep everything under control. Calls the groom, Chad, to be sure he hasn’t changed his mind. He commends her for arranging an extension on her manuscript with the publisher. She’s noncommittal; doesn’t correct him. Says she’s heading to the venue with her dress/shoes, and wants to make the final checks.

2. Marta arrives at the venue — and begins micromanaging everything and everyone. She cuts grass that doesn’t need cutting; plumps decorations that don’t need plumping; leaves messages for the caters; straightens chairs that are already straight.

3. In the bride’s and bridesmaids’ suite, Marta reminds her bridesmaids about their nail color (one still has time to change hers!) and lipstick color. Marta avoids a call from her publisher. Marta puts on her boring white wedding dress as the bridesmaids put on boring beige dresses.

4. Oops! The publisher calls one of the bridesmaids, who hands the phone to Marta. Her publisher reminds Marta that she promised to deliver her manuscript a week ago. Wants her to deliver it today; the publisher says she’ll pick up the thumb drive when she arrives at the wedding in a few hours. Marta panics, but lies about not having it ready. Still thinks she can stall by avoiding the publisher on this very busy day. Someone poke’s a head into the room to say Marta is needed.

5. Marta enters where the ceremony will be to see Vincent and Lily. They’re wearing Victorian clothes. She demands to know who they are. Vincent tells her they are tired of her constant editing with no regard to what they want. They demand she follow their instructions for changes to their characters: He doesn’t want to be the antagonist; he wants current the hero, Royal Brighton, deleted. Lily refuses to do housework anymore, she wants to be a world-famous artist and princess. Marta believes she’s hallucinating and ignores them. Vincent and Lily begin to randomly rearrange chairs. Marta flips out, now assuming they’re from catering company. Vincent flips a table and throws chairs across the room.

Act 2:

6. Marta, overwhelmed and unable to reason with them, calls the police. The police officer who arrives is another one of her fictional characters! Detective Felix Sharp, a hard-boiled, noir-style detective from her earlier mystery novels, arrests Marta’s wedding planner and takes her away.<‘p>

7. Vincent and Lily explain they’ve come from a fictional realm that’s merged with reality due to Marta’s intense emotions and creative energy. To get them to return to the fictional realm, they again demand she change their story lines. Marta doesn’t believe them; insists she doesn’t have time for this.

8. Vincent and Lily prove their power over reality by making more of Marta’s characters appear. Suddenly, the venue is flooded with characters from her various novels: A pirate, a medieval jester, and a Huck Finn-type character in cutoffs and straw hat. The characters begin acting out their storylines, creating a surreal scene that confuses the caterers trying to set up. The caterers, frightened, run out.

9. Marta barges into the groom’s suite to accuse her groom, Chad, of pulling another one of his practical jokes. Vincent follows her and tells the groomsmen their services are no longer needed. He chases them out.

10. Marta tries appeasement. She grabs a notepad and writes as the other fictional characters shout demands at her. Those characters then disappear one after the other as she agrees. But Vincent watches, suspicious.

11. Marta’s publisher arrives for the wedding and pressures her to deliver her overdue manuscript before leaving on the honeymoon — or be dropped. Vincent steps in, telling the publisher that Marta has agreed to major changes. The publisher flips out.

12. Marta decides to use the chaos to her advantage by incorporating Vincent and Lily into the wedding itself. She tells her publisher that these characters are here for a unique, immersive wedding, aimed at impressing both her guests and her publisher. Lily is excited to put her artistic chops to work. But the groom, Chad, delivers an ultimatum: Either Vincent and Lily go, or he does.

13. In a dramatic confrontation, Vincent declares he will not be given an ultimatum by a human. He pulls Chad into the fictional “book” world, making him disappear from the venue!

Act 3

14. In a panic about Chad’s disappearance, Marta agrees to give in. She convinces Vincent to bring out Royal Brighton, the book’s hero and Vincent’s nemesis, to discuss the changes she’ll need to make to their storylines. She suggests that a new storyline for Royal is better than deleting him and would be a better revenge for Vincent.

15. Marta’s publisher begins livestreaming the event to market Marta’s upcoming book. The live event goes viral.

16. Vincent, intrigued by the idea of confronting his nemesis, uses his powers to bring Royal Brighton into the real world. To everyone’s shock, Royal looks exactly like a 19th-century Chad.

17. Marta asks Royal if Chad was safe in the fictional world. Royal says yes, but Chad was too preoccupied to talk other than asking for directions to a wedding.

18. The wedding officiant arrives and assumes that Royal/Chad is the groom/Chad. Vincent tells him that Marta and Chad have called off the wedding. He sends the officiant away. Wedding guests arrive.

19. Marta enlists Royal’s help to bring back her groom, Chad. Royal/Chad immediately challenges Vincent to a duel! Guests assume this is some over-keeps filming with her smart phone.

20. Lily returns with the bridesmaids. All their dresses have been crazy-cool altered! Marta steps between Vincent and Royal. She declares that she’ll duel Vincent – and when she wins, he must return Chad!

21. Vincent pulls out a sword! Marta pulls out a pen and notepad! Disgusted, Vincent slaps away the notepad with his sword, stinging Marta’s hand and drawing blood. Royal steps in with his sword and Vincent stabs him! Royal falls to the ground, injured.

22. Wedding guests begin to sneer at Marta and side with Vincent, believing him to be the true hero of the story. The publisher watches the comments fly by on the livestream, declaring Marta a sham. The publisher declares that Marta is out as one of their writers. Her career is over!

Act 4:

23. Blood on her wedding dress and hair messed up, Marta stands and helps up Royal. She reminds Vincent that it was HER creativity and HER emotional energy that brought her books’ characters out of the fictional world to this one. She is their creator. She summons up her creative energy and now she demands Chad’s release. Nothing happens.

24. Marta turns to Lily and Royal. Commends Lily on the bridesmaids dresses and Royal for stepping in to help. These weren’t rewrites. She asks Lily and Royal for their help – and then also the guests.

25. Guests shout out ideas for how the story/wedding should end. With ideas flowing, Vincent’s character changes. Vincent is given a redemption story where he learns to let go of his resentment and embraces a new role.

26. Chad reappears! Soon the wedding guests are joined by other of Marta’s fictional characters in the seats. Lily and the bridesmaids whisk Marta away.

27. Vincent and Chad give each other a stare down. Vincent looks ready to pounce, but Chad announces he was always one of his favorite characters from Marta. He looks at Royal and acknowledges they’re a lot alike. Royal surmises that Marta must see him as a hero.

28. The publisher yells for everyone to get into their places and she films. Chad, Royal, and Vincent take the groom and groomsmen spots! The guests are peppered with humans and Marta’s fictional characters!

29. The bridesmaids walk down the aisle, now with Lily as maid of honor. Marta appears in an amazing Lily original!

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s Beat sheet 1

My Vison: To be a full-time respected screenwriter whose work brings joy to viewers and creates work for others in the industry, including actors and crew.

What I learned: This is still so rough, but what I learned is that I have to keep going. I’ve seen in the past that a script is so, so different from its first outline days till its “fade out.”

Act 1:

1. Marta wakes up anxious and excited on her wedding day, determined to keep everything under control.

2. Her last-minute wedding preparations go awry as she micromanages every detail for everyone, increasing her and their stress.

3. As Marta fields an unwelcome call from her publisher, two of her fictional characters, Lily and Vincent, suddenly appear in her living room, causing a stir.

4. Vincent and Lily claim they’ve come from a fictional realm that’s merged with reality due to Marta’s intense emotions and creative energy. They demand that she make changes to their story lines: He wants to be the hero; Lily wants to be a princess.

Act 2:

5. Marta tries to dismiss Vincent and Lily as hallucinations.

6. Marta accuses her groom, Chad, with pulling another one of his practical jokes. He assures her that he didn’t. She realizes they are real and causing chaos.

7. Marta’s publisher arrives for the wedding, but pressures her to deliver her overdue manuscript before leaving on the honeymoon — or be dropped. The publisher reminds her that her mentor, Royal Brighton, will be happy to take her allotted spot on their publishing calendar.

8. Royal Brighton, Marta’s rival and former mentor, arrives at the wedding venue. He offers to help her manage the situation, but he secretly enjoying the turmoil.

9. Lily alters wedding decorations and sabotages Marta’s plans. Lily tells the bride’s maids that the wedding location has changed, making Marta’s control slip further.

10. Vincent pushes out the original best man and influences Marta’s fiancé, Chad, sowing seeds of doubt about Marta’s stability.

11. Marta tries to rewrite her characters into submission. They escalate the chaos: Marta’s dress is “redesigned” by Lily.

12. Influenced by Vincent, Chad accuses Marta of prioritizing her career over their relationship. He suggests postponing the wedding.

13. Marta lashes out, goes after Vincent and Lily, accusing them of being trying to ruin her life.

14. In a dramatic confrontation, Vincent pulls Chad into a fictional “book” world, making him disappear from the venue.

Act 3:

15. Marta calls the cops, but the cop who arrives is one of her book’s minor fictional characters. She finds a suspicious note that hints at Royal’s involvement in the chaos.

16. More guests begin to arrive. A hotdog truck shows up for the reception; the officiant is rerouted to a different location.

the wedding photographer is replaced by a labrador retriever with a camera strapped to its back.

17. Chad is still missing. Marta tries to get the black lab to find Chad, but the dog just wants to play fetch.

18. The dog brings her a letter from Royal, hinting at his involvement. She vows to salvage her special day and uncover the truth behind the disruptions.

19. Marta overhears Royal talking to Vincent. She realizes Vincent is Royal’s out-of-work cousin posing as her fictional character.

20. Marta tricks Vincent into admitting the truth, confirming Royal’s plot to sabotage her. She’s not sure why.

21. Marta convinces Vincent and Lily to switch sides, promising them a new purpose as wedding planners — and a dream parts in her new book.

Act 4:

22. Vincent “releases” Chad from the “fictional world (i.e., the basement).

23. Marta confronts Royal, exposing his jealousy and desperation to the guests and publisher.

24. Marta, Vincent, and Lily creatively redesign the wedding on the fly, impressing everyone with their innovative solutions.

25. Despite the chaos, the wedding turns out to be a unique and memorable event, showcasing Marta’s adaptability.

26. The publisher, impressed by Marta’s resilience and creativity, extends her manuscript deadline.

27. Humiliated and exposed, Royal is dropped by the publisher and decides to retire from writing.

28. Marta and Chad celebrate their union, stronger and more in love, ready to face the future together.

Resolution:

The wedding concludes with a joyous celebration, and Marta embraces the unpredictability of life and creativity.

Marta realizes embracing chaos has unlocked a new level of creativity and happiness for her.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s deeper layer!

My Vison: To be a full-time respected screenwriter whose work brings joy to viewers and creates work for others in the industry, including actors and crew.

What I learned: I don’t have all the answers for this one yet, but I’m posting it to stay moving … Still, by looking for some deeper layers, I have found interesting connections.</>

Surface layer: Marta tries to hold her wedding day together as her precise planning unravels.

Deeper layer: Marta is being targeted by her former mentor, who’s jealous that she’s surpassed him in ability and readership.

Major reveal: The “fictional characters” are really out-of-work actors (Vincent is Royal’s cousin). The groom, Marcus, is in on it, but he’s been duped, too.

Influences surface story: When Royal appears to help, he’s really sabotaging her. Groom, Marcus thinks he’s doing her a favor, helping her get ideas for her next book.

Hints: ??

Changes reality: Royal and Vincent are real-life cousins. Marcus (groom) is also in on it, but thinks he’s helping. Royal holds a grudge against Marta’s parents.

Four-Act structure:

Act 1:

Beginning: Marta begins her wedding day, happy and anxious as she struggles to keep everything under control. She second-guesses her choices, including her groom and wedding given that she’s late for a deadline with her publisher.

Inciting Incident: Her wedding plans are derailed when her fictional character, Lily, springs to life alongside her new book’s cunning antagonist, Vincent Black. They demand she take orders from them, changing their roles in her book — or else. She refuses, and doesn’t take them seriously.

Turning Point: As chaos ensues and the lines between fiction and reality blur, Marta struggles to regain control of her wedding as her fictional characters now “edit” her wedding. Marta’s publisher arrives and gives Marta an ultimatum: Marta delivers the manuscript that day or she’ll be dropped for good. Good luck self-publishing successfully after the PR nightmare her wedding looks to be, the publisher adds.

Act 2:

New plan: Marta suspects a very human plot behind the mayhem. She tries to trip up the fictional characters. Rival author, Royal Brighton, offers to help. Unbeknownst to Marta, Royal, fueled by jealousy and potential financial gain, has hired actors to portray her characters and disrupt the festivities. Marta’s publisher and Royal get chummy.

Plan in action: As the stakes escalate and the fictional characters/hired actors continue to wreak havoc, Marta continues to try to control things. But the fictional characters stop her at every turn. But Marta’s groom, Marcus, is secretly collaborating with Royal, believing it’s all an elaborate prank that will endear Marta to their publisher.

Midpoint Turning Point: Marta accuses Vincent and Lily of being impostors and demands to know why they are trying to destroy her and Marcus’ wedding day. In reply, Vincent pulls Marcus “into the book,” and Marcus disappears from the venue.

Act 3:

Rethink everything: As the ceremony grows closer, Marta uncovers clues that lead her to Royal’s involvement, revealing the true extent of his vendetta against her – stemming from his blaming her best-selling authors’/parents’ on his early failures.

Disasters pile up: missing groom, decorations aflame, catering gone awry. Struggling against mounting calamity and the fracture in her relationship, Marta fights to salvage her special day and prove her innocence. With time running out, she battles not only external chaos but also internal doubts, determined to reclaim control and secure her happily-ever-after.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Marta enlists Vincent and Lily — who she tricks into admitting are actors — to design her and Marcus’ wedding on the fly. She finds Marcus in the basement and learns he was in on it under false pretenses. He learned, though, that Royal blames Marta for his stalled career.

Resolution: Despite the chaos, Marta emerges victorious, having embraced the disorder of her imagination. She discovers happiness in the chaos as the wedding comes off as a creative smash hit, with Vincent and Lily gaining new jobs as wedding planners.

Impressed, the publisher gives her a deadline on her deadline and Marcus agrees to postpone their honeymoon to make it happen. Royal is dropped by the publisher and decides to raise llamas.

In a victory of outlandish creativity, the wedding concludes with Marta and Marcus united in love, ready to face whatever challenges their future holds.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s character structure

My Vison: To be a full-time respected screenwriter whose work brings joy to viewers and creates work for others in the industry, including actors and crew.

What I learned: Another terrific step to n outline. Separating the protag’s and antag’s journeys is a gamechanger and makes them both more clearly be working at odds of the other.

Protagonist: Marta Jordan

Beginning: Marta is meticulously planning her wedding day, showcasing her need for control and her anxiety over perfection. She’s also stressed about her manuscript deadline and fears she won’t meet her publisher’s expectations..

Turning Point 1: Two of her book’s fictional characters — antagonist Vincent Black and Lily Gillis — appear and threaten to “edit” her life if she won’t meet their demands.

Act 2: Marta refuses and her fictional characters begin “editing” her wedding. Marta’s publisher arrives and pressures Marta to deliver her overdue manuscript.

Turning point 2/ midpoint: Vincent pulls Marta’s groom, Marcus, “into Marta’s book,” and Marcus disappears from the venue.

Act 3: Marta uncovers clues that lead her to former mentor Royal Brighton’s involvement, revealing the true extent of his grudge against her.

Turning point 3: Marta witnesses disasters pile up: Marcus is still missing, decorations burst into flames, catering goes awry; the officiant cancels.

Act 4 climax: Marta finds Marcus and enlists Vincent and Lily — who she tricks into admitting are actors — to turn the tables on Royal.

Resolution: Marta discovers happiness in the chaos as the wedding comes off as a creative smash hit, with Vincent and Lily gaining new jobs as wedding planners.

Antagonist: Royal Brighton

Beginning: Best-selling author Royal Brighton is dropped by his publisher, as his mentees such as Marta Jordan become more famous.

Turning point 1: To bring down his competition, Royal hires his unemployed cousin/actor and his cousin’s girlfriend to pretend to be Marta’s fictional character’s come-to-life.

Act 2: Royal attends Marta’s wedding and offers to “help her” as he sees the chaos ensue.

Turning point 2/midpoint: Royal uses the chaos to get back into the good graces of his and Marta’s publisher.

Act 3: Royal convinces the publisher that Marta is unstable and should be dropped instead of him.

Turning point 3: Royal argues with Vincent and Lily, who’re having attacks of conscious. hides Marcus, the groom, in the basement of the venue.

Act 4 climax: Marta confronts Royal, as Vincent and Lily lead her to Marcus.

Resolution: Royal retires from writing books and decides to raise llamas.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s Supporting Characters

My Vison: To be a full-time respected screenwriter whose work brings joy to viewers and creates work for others in the industry, including actors and crew.

What I learned: I’ve always liked the puzzle-piece aspect of creating a screenplay and it’s wonderful to begin to consider what puzzle pieces I’ll need. Typically, my main characters have a lot of intent behind them, but the supporting characters just appear as needed. This is a good exercise in awareness and necessity.

Supporting Character 1:

• Name: Lilly
• Role: The first of Marta’s “fictional characters” who appears.
• Main purpose: To confuse Marta and begin to throw the wedding day into chaos.
• Value: She’s in cahoots with Royal and Vincent, putting Royal’s scheme to discredit Marta into action.

Supporting Character 2:

• Name: Margaret Frost
• Role: Editor
• Main purpose: She’s the editor with whom Marta and Royal work.
• Value: Very important for writers to remain in her good graces, because she can make or break a writer’s career.

Background characters:

• Wedding guests
• Wedding vendors

• This reply was modified 11 months, 1 week ago by  Hope McPherson.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s Character Profiles Part 2

My Vison: To be a full-time respected screenwriter whose work brings joy to viewers and creates work for others in the industry, including actors and crew.

What I learned: Taking my ideas to AI helped me clarify and simplify who I intend the characters to be. I appreciate how the AI can look unemotionally at the ideas I pull together and often get at the heart of the matter. However, I’m also learning that AI can also go astray and that so often has strengthened what I’m working on.

Protagonist: Marta Jordan

Concept: An author’s wedding day unravels when her own fictional creations hijack the festivities, turning her special day into a chaotic battle of wills.

Character’s journey: Marta, an up-and-coming author and control freak, learns to embrace the unexpected and find inspiration in the chaos.

Actor attractors:

What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?

Marta Jordan, an up-and-coming author, becomes her own protagonist to save her wedding and fiancé after her fictional characters revolt to rewrite her wedding — and life. Her journey is a relatable transformation from a stressed control freak to a liberated creative force.

What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?

Marta must untangle the wedding chaos that her fictional characters throw at her while trying to uncover what’s behind the chaos and who’s pulling the strings.

What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?

Marta, a control freak with unyielding ideas of a proper wedding, discovers how to use chaos to boost her creativity into new realms – including remake her wedding dress on the day of, putting out a fire by fighting fire with fire, redoing decorations, finding a new officiant, rescuing the groom, and more. She ultimately devises creative solutions to save her fiancé and her wedding day.

How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?

Marta can be introduced in a high-energy scene where she’s juggling wedding planning and last-minute edits to her book, demonstrating her multitasking chops and hinting at the chaos to come. This sets up her initial state and the impending upheaval.

What could be this character’s emotional range?

Marta goes from high-strung anxiety and frustration to moments of introspection and vulnerability. She ultimately discovers joy and creative inspiration as she learns to embrace the unpredictability of life.

What subtext can the actor play?

She carefully spars with her author/mentor and challenges her “fictional” characters as she tries to trip them up.

What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?

Marta needs to have an interesting relationship with her fiancé. Her dynamic with Royal Brighton is filled with rivalry and tension, while her interactions with Vincent are layered with confusion and intrigue.

How will this character’s unique voice be presented?

Marta’s unique voice is a blend of sharp wit, literary references, and a touch of vulnerability. Her dialogue can oscillate between high-strung demands and moments of poetic insight, reflecting her dual life as a bride and an author.

What could make this character special and unique?

Marta is forced to confront her own insecurities and doubts as both a writer and bride. She must embrace the unexpected and find inspiration in chaos to find a deeper understanding of herself and her creative process. Marta’s special quality is her creativity, which initially feels like a burden but ultimately becomes her superpower. Her ability to think like an author allows her to navigate and outwit the chaos that unfolds.

Character subtext: An author who’s hiding massive writer’s block and her fear of success.

Character intrigue:

• Role: Protagonist/up-and-coming author whose wedding day is thrown into chaos by her own fictional creations.
• Hidden agendas: Marta secretly plans to use the chaos at her wedding as material for her next novel, hoping it will be a breakout hit.
• Competition: She’s competing with Royal for a prestigious award, as well as for finite dollars from the publisher.
• Conspiracies: Late in act 3, she teams up with Vincent and Lily to sabotage Royal’s plans, creating an alliance that he is unaware of.
• Secrets: Hiding her writer’s block and incomplete and overdue manuscript from her publisher. She worries that her fiancé is only with her because of her rising fame, not because of genuine love.
• Deception: She lies to her fiancé and publisher about her writer’s block.
• Unspoken Wound: She still feels like she’s still a disappointment to her deceased parents.

Flaw: Marta’s perfectionism stalls her creativity.

Values: Creativity, family, loyalty

Character dilemma: Marta is compelled to write but second-guesses everything and sees only the flaws.

Antagonist: Royal Brighton

Character’s journey: A best-selling author and competitor to Marta who secretly orchestrates the chaos at her wedding.

Actor attractors:

What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?

Royal is a slick, established author who’s a charismatic master manipulator committed to causing chaos in Marta’s life for his own gain. He is a sophisticated villain.

What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?

An author and rival to Marta, Royal realizes he can use her fictional characters to sabotage her wedding and boost his own career.

What are the most interesting actions the character could take in the script?

Royal seizes the wedding as an opportunity to become the true puppet master, controlling the “fictional” characters and pushing all of Marta’s buttons.

How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?

Royal can be introduced in a scene where he’s charming a crowd at a book signing, subtly hinting at his competitive nature and disdain for Marta. This sets up his suave exterior and underlying menace. He’ll then swoop in full of concern, hiding his real intent to destroy his rival in the eyes of her readers and publisher.

What could be this character’s emotional range.

Royal is smooth and smart. His emotional range includes smug satisfaction, cunning, frustration when things don’t go as planned, and eventual vulnerability when his scheme unravels.

What subtext can the actor play?

Royal manipulates the events of the wedding from behind the scenes while maintaining his facade as a supportive friend and colleague. His actions are driven by a deep-seated fear of being overshadowed, which he masks with confidence and charm.

What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?

Royal and Marta, as sparring competitors; Royal and Vincent, as puppet master and puppet; and Royal and the publisher, as author and purse strings behind the author.

How will this character’s unique voice be presented?

Royal is cunning and manipulative, but a smooth operator, too. Everything he says has a layer of subtext. Royal’s unique voice is suave, articulate, and laced with sarcasm. His dialogue often includes literary allusions and double entendres, reflecting his intellectual arrogance and sharp mind.

What could make this character special and unique?

Royal must balance his ambitions with the consequences of his actions. His journey highlights the dangers of unchecked ambition. His eventual comeuppance is both satisfying and dramatic.

Character subtext: Royal is a best-selling author hiding the fact that he’s not really writing his books.

Character intrigue:

• Role: Antagonist/best-selling author and competitor to Marta who secretly orchestrates the chaos at her wedding.
• Hidden agendas: He wants to push Marta out of the running for the award and ruin her relationship with their publisher.
• Competition: He wants to with the prestigious writer’s award. He’s intent on ruining Marta’s wedding to prove she cannot handle the pressures of both a personal and professional life, reinforcing his superiority.
• Conspiracies: He and the “fictional characters” work to ruin Marta’s wedding and discredit her.
• Secrets: He’s a plagiarist. Royal knows that without plagiarism, he has no original talent.
• Deception: He’s lying to the publisher about his plagiarism; he lies to Marta about being her friend; he lies to Vincent and Lily about this being a practical joke.
• Unspoken Wound: He’s jealous of Marta and wants her creativity and potential.
• Secret Identity: Self-absorbed narcissist.
• Flaw: Brighton enjoys mentoring younger writers, but he’s afraid they make him irrelevant.

Values: Fame, intelligence, success

Character dilemma: Brighton is compelled to be a mentor but he’s jealous of anyone who becomes more successful.

Triangle character: Vincent

Concept: An author’s wedding day unravels when her own fictional creations hijack the festivities, turning her special day into a chaotic battle of wills.

Character’s journey: Vincent, an out-of-work actor hired by Royal to pose as Marta’s fictional antagonist, goes from causing chaos to gaining respect for Marta while helping her redeem her day and career.

Vincent’s actor attractors

What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?

Vincent is a complex character caught between conflicting loyalties and his own ambitions.

What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?

Vincent is intriguing because he’s an out-of-work actor thrust into a bizarre situation where he must blend reality with fiction.

What are the most interesting actions the character could take in the script?

Vincent must adopt the persona of Marta’s fictional antagonist, switching between his real self and the character, and ultimately choosing sides when the stakes are high.

How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?

Vincent’s true identity as an out-of-work actor won’t be revealed until the second or third act. He’ll have Marta and viewers convinced he’s the “real” fictional deal.

What could be this character’s emotional range.

Vincent’s emotional range includes frustration with his career, the excitement of playing a new role, confusion and guilt over deceiving Marta, and eventual resolve as he decides to do the right thing.

What subtext can the actor play?

Vincent’s subtext involves his internal conflict between ambition and integrity. He initially sees the job as a break but gradually realizes the moral implications of his actions, leading to a personal reckoning.

What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?

Vincent’s most interesting relationships are with Marta, as he begins to care for her and questions his role in the sabotage, and with Royal, who represents the temptation of easy success.

How will this character’s unique voice be presented?

Vincent’s unique voice blends theatrical flair with moments of genuine vulnerability. His dialogue can switch between the dramatic lines of Marta’s fictional world and his own more grounded, earnest speech.

What could make this character special and unique?

Vincent’s special quality is his adaptability and underlying good nature. Despite being hired to cause chaos, his inherent decency and empathy make him a compelling and ultimately redemptive character.

Vincent’s role in the story: Triangle character: A struggling actor hired to play Marta’s fictional antagonist and through her wedding and career into chaos for a handsome payoff.

Age range and description: In his 30s, Vincent has cornered the market on bad-boy charm.

Core traits: charismatic, leader, imposing, desperate

Motivation: To prove to himself that he can really act.

Likability, relatability, empathy

Likability: He’s charismatic and full of energy.

Relatability: He wonders if he should have chosen another career.

Empathy: He’s lost many, many parts to other actors.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s Character Profiles Part 1

My Vison: To be a full-time respected screenwriter whose work brings joy to viewers and creates work for others in the industry, including actors and crew.

What I learned: So much goes into a character profile, and we’re only halfway there. Still I can already see how everything here can inform every action and spoken word of these characters. I look forward to having these profiles done and the characters becoming more and more alive.

Protagonist: Marta Jordan

Concept: An author’s wedding day unravels when her own fictional creations hijack the festivities, turning her special day into a chaotic battle of wills.

Character’s journey: Marta, an up-and-coming author and control freak, learns to embrace the unexpected and find inspiration in the chaos.

Actor attractors:

What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?

Marta Jordan, an up-and-coming author, becomes her own protagonist to save her wedding and fiancé after her fictional characters revolt to rewrite her wedding — and life. Her journey is a relatable transformation from a stressed control freak to a liberated creative force.

What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?

Marta must untangle the wedding chaos that her fictional characters throw at her while trying to uncover what’s behind the chaos and who’s pulling the strings.

What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?

Marta, a control freak with unyielding ideas of a proper wedding, discovers how to use chaos to boost her creativity into new realms – including remake her wedding dress on the day of, putting out a fire by fighting fire with fire, redoing decorations, finding a new officiant, rescuing the groom, and more. She ultimately devises creative solutions to save her fiancé and her wedding day.

How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?

Marta can be introduced in a high-energy scene where she’s juggling wedding planning and last-minute edits to her book, demonstrating her multitasking chops and hinting at the chaos to come. This sets up her initial state and the impending upheaval.

What could be this character’s emotional range?

Marta goes from high-strung anxiety and frustration to moments of introspection and vulnerability. She ultimately discovers joy and creative inspiration as she learns to embrace the unpredictability of life.

What subtext can the actor play?

She carefully spars with her author/mentor and challenges her “fictional” characters as she tries to trip them up.

What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?

Marta needs to have an interesting relationship with her fiancé. Her dynamic with Royal Brighton is filled with rivalry and tension, while her interactions with Vincent Darwood are layered with confusion and intrigue.

How will this character’s unique voice be presented?

Marta’s unique voice is a blend of sharp wit, literary references, and a touch of vulnerability. Her dialogue can oscillate between high-strung demands and moments of poetic insight, reflecting her dual life as a bride and an author.

What could make this character special and unique?

Marta is forced to confront her own insecurities and doubts as both a writer and bride. She must embrace the unexpected and find inspiration in chaos to find a deeper understanding of herself and her creative process. Marta’s special quality is her creativity, which initially feels like a burden but ultimately becomes her superpower. Her ability to think like an author allows her to navigate and outwit the chaos that unfolds.

Marta’s role in the story:

Protagonist: The author and bride who must defeat her fictional characters as they send her wedding into chaos, while believing she’s destined to fail. By the end, she uncovers who’s behind the chaos and incorporates life’s disorder into her creativity.

Age range and description: In her 20s and with an unconventional beauty that feeds into her self-image of never measuring up.

Core traits: smart, well-read, kind, self-defeating

Motivation: Compelled to write — perfectly.

Want: To be a successful author and happy bride.

Need: To overcome her self-sabotage.

Wound: Critical parents who made fun of her creativity and desire to write.

Likability, relatability, empathy

Likability: She cares about/loves not only her fiancé, but also about her fictional characters. She even respects Royal and invites him to her wedding.

Relatability: She’s anxious about her wedding day, while also being excited.

Empathy: Her parents were overly critical as she grew up. And we can feel her pain as her wedding day goes off the rails and she struggles to get it back on track in spite of the “fictional” characters taking charge.

Antagonist: Royal Brighton

Concept: An author’s wedding day unravels when her own fictional creations hijack the festivities, turning her special day into a chaotic battle of wills.

Character’s journey: A best-selling author and competitor to Marta who secretly orchestrates the chaos at her wedding.

Actor attractors:

What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?

Royal is a slick, established author who’s a charismatic master manipulator committed to causing chaos in Marta’s life for his own gain. He is a sophisticated villain.

What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?

An author and rival to Marta, Royal realizes he can use her fictional characters to sabotage her wedding and boost his own career.

What are the most interesting actions the character could take in the script?

Royal seizes the wedding as an opportunity to become the true puppet master, controlling the “fictional” characters and pushing all of Marta’s buttons.

How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?

Royal can be introduced in a scene where he’s charming a crowd at a book signing, subtly hinting at his competitive nature and disdain for Marta. This sets up his suave exterior and underlying menace. He’ll then swoop in full of concern, hiding his real intent to destroy his rival in the eyes of her readers and publisher.

What could be this character’s emotional range.

Royal is smooth and smart. His emotional range includes smug satisfaction, cunning, frustration when things don’t go as planned, and eventual vulnerability when his scheme unravels.

What subtext can the actor play?

Royal manipulates the events of the wedding from behind the scenes while maintaining his façade as a supportive friend and colleague. His actions are driven by a deep-seated fear of being overshadowed, which he masks with confidence and charm.

What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?

Royal and Marta, as sparring competitors; Royal and Vincent, as puppet master and puppet; and Royal and the publisher, as author and purse strings behind the author.

How will this character’s unique voice be presented?

Royal is cunning and manipulative, but a smooth operator, too. Everything he says has a layer of subtext. Royal’s unique voice is suave, articulate, and laced with sarcasm. His dialogue often includes literary allusions and double entendres, reflecting his intellectual arrogance and sharp mind.

What could make this character special and unique?

Royal must balance his ambitions with the consequences of his actions. His journey highlights the dangers of unchecked ambition. His eventual comeuppance is both satisfying and dramatic.

Royal’s role in the story:

Antagonist: An aging best-selling author who’s desperate to stay on top, and jealous of Marta’s youth and talent. He secretly hires actors to portray Marta’s fictional characters to wreak chaos on her wedding day and eliminate her as competition.

Age range and description: In his 50s, Royal is a successful author desperate to keep the world from discovering his success is a lie.

Core traits: polished, well-read, helpful, conniving

Motivation:

Want: To ruin Marta and force her out of competition with him.

Need: To gain immortality by writing original works again.

Wound: He’s been hiding his own decade’s long writer’s block by plagiarizing other out-of-print authors.

Likability, relatability, empathy

Likability: He’s polite and smooth.

Relatability: He’s been an author for years and has acted as a mentor to many.

Empathy: He’s aging and feels like life has passed him by.

Triangle character: Vincent Darwood

Concept: An author’s wedding day unravels when her own fictional creations hijack the festivities, turning her special day into a chaotic battle of wills.

Character’s journey: Vincent, an out-of-work actor hired by Royal to pose as Marta’s fictional antagonist, goes from causing chaos to gaining respect for Marta while helping her redeem her day and career.

Vincent’s actor attractors

What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?

Vincent is a complex character caught between conflicting loyalties and his own ambitions.

What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?

Vincent is intriguing because he’s an out-of-work actor thrust into a bizarre situation where he must blend reality with fiction.

What are the most interesting actions the character could take in the script?

Vincent must adopt the persona of Marta’s fictional antagonist, switching between his real self and the character, and ultimately choosing sides when the stakes are high.

How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?

Vincent’s true identity as an out-of-work actor won’t be revealed until the second or third act. He’ll have Marta and viewers convinced he’s the “real” fictional deal.

What could be this character’s emotional range.

Vincent’s emotional range includes frustration with his career, the excitement of playing a new role, confusion and guilt over deceiving Marta, and eventual resolve as he decides to do the right thing.

What subtext can the actor play?

Vincent’s subtext involves his internal conflict between ambition and integrity. He initially sees the job as a break but gradually realizes the moral implications of his actions, leading to a personal reckoning.

What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?

Vincent’s most interesting relationships are with Marta, as he begins to care for her and questions his role in the sabotage, and with Royal, who represents the temptation of easy success.

How will this character’s unique voice be presented?

Vincent’s unique voice blends theatrical flair with moments of genuine vulnerability. His dialogue can switch between the dramatic lines of Marta’s fictional world and his own more grounded, earnest speech.

What could make this character special and unique?

Vincent’s special quality is his adaptability and underlying good nature. Despite being hired to cause chaos, his inherent decency and empathy make him a compelling and ultimately redemptive character.

Vincent’s role in the story:

Triangle character: A struggling actor hired to play Marta’s fictional antagonist and through her wedding and career into chaos for a handsome payoff.

Age range and description: In his 30s, Vincent has cornered the market on bad-boy charm.

Core traits: charismatic, leader, imposing, desperate

Motivation:

<>Want: To earn a lot of money with this role.

Need: To prove to himself that he can really act.

Likability, relatability, empathy

Likability: He’s charismatic and full of energy.

Relatability: He wonders if he should have chosen another career.

Empathy: He’s lost many, many parts to other actors.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 2 weeks ago by  Hope McPherson.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s likability/ relatability/ empathy

My Vison: To be a full-time respected screenwriter whose work brings joy to viewers and creates work for others in the industry, including actors and crew.

What I learned: I love seeing how the characters begin to grow even before we write “fade in.” This is the right time to be considering these traits for them.

Character Name: Marta Jordan

• Likability: She cares about/loves not only her fiancé, but also about her fictional characters. She even respects Royal and invites him to her wedding.
• Relatability: She’s anxious about her wedding day, while also being excited.
• Empathy: We feel her pain as her wedding day goes off the rails and she struggles to get it back on track in spite of the “fictional” characters taking charge.

Character Name: Royal Brighton

• Likability: He’s polite and smooth.
• Relatability: He’s been an author for years and has acted as a mentor to many.
• Empathy: He’s aging and losing his readership to younger authors such as Marta.

Character Name: Vincent Darkwood (triangle character)

• Likability: He’s charismatic and full of energy.
• Relatability: He wonders if he should have chosen another career.
• Empathy: He’s lost many, many parts to other actors.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  Hope McPherson.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s Character intrigue

My Vison: To be a full-time respected screenwriter whose work brings joy to viewers and creates work for others in the industry, including actors and crew.

What I learned: Doing this assignment uncovered more layers to the characters, making them more “real” and complete as I went.

• Character Name: Marta Jordan
• Role: Protagonist/up-and-coming author whose wedding day is thrown into chaos by her own fictional creations.
• Hidden agendas: Marta secretly plans to use the chaos at her wedding as material for her next novel, hoping it will be a breakout hit.
• Competition: She’s competing with Royal for a prestigious award, as well as for finite dollars from the publisher.
• Conspiracies: Late in act 3, she teams up with Vincent and Lily to sabotage Royal’s plans, creating an alliance that he is unaware of.
• Secrets: Hiding her writer’s block and incomplete and overdue manuscript from her publisher. She worries that her fiancé is only with her because of her rising fame, not because of genuine love.
• Deception: She lies to her fiancé and publisher about her writer’s block.
• Unspoken Wound: She feels like she’s still a disappointment to her deceased parents.

Character Name: Royal Brighton

• Role: Antagonist/best-selling author and competitor to Marta who secretly orchestrates the chaos at her wedding.
• Hidden agendas: He wants to push Marta out of the running for the award and ruin her relationship with their publisher.
• Competition: He wants to with the prestigious writer’s award. He’s intent on ruining Marta’s wedding to prove she cannot handle the pressures of both a personal and professional life, reinforcing his superiority.
• Conspiracies: He and the “fictional characters” work to ruin Marta’s wedding and discredit her.
• Secrets: He’s a plagiarist. Royal knows that without plagiarism, he has no original talent.
• Deception: He’s lying to the publisher about his plagiarism; he lies to Marta about being her friend; he lies to Vincent and Lily about this being a practical joke.
• Unspoken Wound: He’s jealous of Marta and wants her creativity and potential.
• Secret Identity: Self-absorbed narcissist.

• Character Name: Vincent Darkwood (triangle character)
• Role: An out-of-work actor hired by Royal to pose as the fictional antagonist from Marta’s latest book.
• Hidden agendas: In Act 3, he will team up with Marta to defeat Royal.
• Competition:
• Conspiracies: Vincent and Royal (against Marta); later Vincent and Marta (against Royal)
• Secrets: He’s really a barely working actor.
• Deception: He lies to Marta, et al, about being her book’s antagonist come-to-life.
• Unspoken Wound: He has many, many more rejections than successes.
• Secret Identity: The fictional antagonist of Marta’s book.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s Character subtext

My Vison: To be a full-time respected screenwriter whose work brings joy to viewers and creates work for others in the industry, including actors and crew.

What I learned: ChatGPT did a terrific job on the subtext possibilities. All of them made sense and I was coming up with them, too, but the AI did it in so much less time. Between my work and its work, I’m seeing these characters begin to be fleshed out.

Example Movie: What’s Up, Doc?

Character Name: Judy

Subtext Identity: Judy is a bright young woman afraid to go home.

Subtext Trait: Daring, liar, caring

Subtext Logline: Judy is trying to please her impossible-to-please father by continually reinventing herself at colleges.

Possible Areas of Subtext: impulsively tries new things, drawn to men in charge but wants to control situations

For your two leads, brainstorm these answers:

Character Name: Marta Jordan

Subtext Identity: An author with writer’s block and a fear of success. She’s deeply insecure about her worth and success, causing her to micromanage everything to the point of exhaustion.

Subtext Trait: Hiding something (writer’s block), afraid, and masks her insecurities with obsessive organization.

Subtext Logline: Marta is a writer afraid of what success might do to her life and marriage because of what it did to her parents’ lives and marriage. She secretly envies the carefree nature of her fictional characters and wishes she could be more like them.

Possible Areas of Subtext:

Second-guesses all her decisions, self-sabotages, tries to push away her fiancé, flirts with her book’s antagonist. She withholds her true feelings and vulnerabilities from everyone, including her fiancé.

Character Name: Royal Brighton

Subtext Identity: Suave, best-selling author, a charismatic manipulator. He believes himself to be superior to others, which drives his need to control and manipulate those around him for his amusement. But he struggles with a profound loneliness and fear of genuine connection.

Subtext Trait: Secretly plagiarizes from out-of-print books.

Subtext Logline: Royal is a best-selling author hiding the fact that he’s not really writing his books. He secretly reads Marta’s work not just to undermine her, but because he admires it more than he would ever admit, and it reminds him of the passion he once had.

Possible Areas of subtext: hiding the fact that he plagiarized from out-of-print books, wants to discredit others, ingratiates himself with more powerful people, name-dropper.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s Actor attractors!

My Vison: To be a full-time respected screenwriter whose work brings joy to viewers and creates work for others in the industry, including actors and crew.

What I learned: That I need to make sure, absolutely sure, that my antagonist doesn’t have all the fun in this script. Without this lesson front and center in my head, that would have been a distinct possibility. I’m now considering ways that my protagonist can quickly go on the offensive rather than playing defense.

Title: Novel Nuptials

Genre: Comedy

Role: Protagonist Marta Jordan

What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?

Marta Jordan, an up-and-coming author and bride, becomes her own protagonist to save her wedding and fiancé after her fictional characters revolt to rewrite her wedding — and life. Her journey is a relatable transformation from a stressed control freak to a liberated creative force.

What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?

Marta must untangle every bit of wedding chaos and mess her fictional characters throw at her while trying to uncover what’s behind the chaos and who’s pulling the strings. Her journey from the brink of a nervous breakdown to embracing the chaos around her is filled with humor, vulnerability, and ultimate triumph.

What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?

She must go from being a type-A personality with unyielding ideas of a proper wedding to the woman who can use chaos and more chaos – including remake her wedding dress on the day of, put out a fire by fighting fire with fire, redo decorations, find a new officiant, rescue the groom, and more. She must ultimately devise a creative solution to save her fiancé and her wedding day.

How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?

Marta can be introduced in a high-energy scene where she’s juggling wedding planning and last-minute edits to her book, demonstrating her multitasking chops and hinting at the chaos to come. This sets up her initial state and the impending upheaval.

What could be this character’s emotional range?

Marta’s emotional range spans from high-strung anxiety and frustration to moments of introspection and vulnerability, and finally to joy and creative inspiration as she learns to embrace the unpredictability of her life.

What subtext can the actor play?

Primarily she will carefully spar with her frenemy and she will challenge her “fictional” characters as she tries to trip them up.

What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?

Marta needs to have an interesting relationship with her fiancé. Her dynamic with Royal Brighton is filled with rivalry and tension, while her interactions with Vincent Darkwood are layered with confusion and intrigue.

How will this character’s unique voice be presented?

Marta’s unique voice is a blend of sharp wit, literary references, and a touch of vulnerability. Her dialogue can oscillate between high-strung demands and moments of poetic insight, reflecting her dual life as a bride and an author.

What could make this character special and unique?

Marta is forced to confront her own insecurities and doubts as both a writer and a bride-to-be. She must embrace the unexpected and find inspiration in chaos to find a deeper understanding of herself and her creative process. Marta’s special quality is her creativity, which initially feels like a burden but ultimately becomes her superpower. Her ability to think like an author allows her to navigate and outwit the chaos that unfolds.

Role: Royal Brighton (Antagonist)

What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?

Royal is a slick, established author who’s a charismatic master manipulator committed to causing chaos in Marta’s life for his own gain. He is a sophisticated villain.

What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?

An author and rival to Marta, Royal realizes he can use her fictional characters to sabotage her wedding and boost his own career.

What are the most interesting actions the character could take in the script?

Royal seizes the wedding as an opportunity to become the true puppet master, controlling the “fictional” characters and pushing all of Marta’s buttons.

How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?

Royal can be introduced in a scene where he’s charming a crowd at a book signing, subtly hinting at his competitive nature and disdain for Marta. This sets up his suave exterior and underlying menace. He’ll then swoop in full of concern, hiding his real intent to destroy his rival in the eyes of her readers and publisher.

What could be this character’s emotional range.

Royal is smooth and smart. His emotional range includes smug satisfaction, cunning, frustration when things don’t go as planned, and eventual vulnerability when his scheme unravels.

What subtext can the actor play?

Royal manipulates the events of the wedding from behind the scenes while maintaining his facade as a supportive friend and colleague. His actions are driven by a deep-seated fear of being overshadowed, which he masks with confidence and charm.

What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?

Royal and Marta, as sparring competitors; Royal and Vincent, as puppet master and puppet; and Royal and the publisher, as author and purse strings behind the author.

How will this character’s unique voice be presented?

Royal is cunning and manipulative, but a smooth operator, too. Everything he says has a layer of subtext. Royal’s unique voice is suave, articulate, and laced with sarcasm. His dialogue often includes literary allusions and double entendres, reflecting his intellectual arrogance and sharp mind.

What could make this character special and unique?

Royal must balance his ambitions with the consequences of his actions. His journey highlights the dangers of unchecked ambition. His eventual comeuppance is both satisfying and dramatic.

Vincent Darkwood (Triangle Character)

What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?

Vincent is a complex character caught between conflicting loyalties and his own ambitions.

What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?

Vincent is intriguing because he’s an out-of-work actor thrust into a bizarre situation where he must blend reality with fiction.

What are the most interesting actions the character could take in the script?

Vincent must adopt the persona of Marta’s fictional antagonist, switching between his real self and the character, and ultimately choosing sides when the stakes are high.

How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?

Vincent’s true identity as an out-of-work actor won’t be revealed until the second or third act. He’ll have Marta and viewers convinced he’s the “real” fictional deal.

What could be this character’s emotional range.

Vincent’s emotional range includes frustration with his career, the excitement of playing a new role, confusion and guilt over deceiving Marta, and eventual resolve as he decides to do the right thing.

What subtext can the actor play?

Vincent’s subtext involves his internal conflict between ambition and integrity. He initially sees the job as a break but gradually realizes the moral implications of his actions, leading to a personal reckoning.

What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?

Vincent’s most interesting relationships are with Marta, as he begins to care for her and questions his role in the sabotage, and with Royal, who represents the temptation of easy success.

How will this character’s unique voice be presented?

Vincent’s unique voice blends theatrical flair with moments of genuine vulnerability. His dialogue can switch between the dramatic lines of Marta’s fictional world and his own more grounded, earnest speech.

What could make this character special and unique?

Vincent’s special quality is his adaptability and underlying good nature. Despite being hired to cause chaos, his inherent decency and empathy make him a compelling and ultimately redemptive character.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s Actor attractors for WHAT’S UP DOC?

My Vison: To be a full-time respected screenwriter whose work brings joy to viewers and creates work for others in the industry, including actors and crew.

What I learned: This was the perfect lesson for me to do as I work on my outline. In my head, one of my two antagonists were the interesting ones in my script-to-be. This reminded me that under no circumstances can that happen. Sure my antagonists can have some fun, but the protagonist must, MUST have interesting tasks and challenges.

Movie: WHAT’S UP DOC? (1972)

Lead Character Name: Judy Maxwell (Barbra Streisand)

Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?

Barbra Streisand was an up-and-coming actress in 1972 and not as big a star as Ryan O’Neal, her co-star, who’d had a big hit with LOVE STORY in 1970. This, then, was her chance to play opposite him in a very different kind of movie – and in one which she was the main protagonist.

What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?

Judy goes through life seemingly oblivious to the rules by which the rest of us live. This protag is a free spirit, in most scenes, and really runs the show.

What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?

Judy “meets” Howard (Ryan) by design after catching a glimpse of him in a hotel, where she’s trying to (creatively) steal food.

She takes his fiancé’s nametag to crash a banquet, and then she is singlehandedly responsible for wowing philanthropist, Fredrick Larrabee, resulting in Howard being awarded a $20,000 grant ($65,000 in today’s money).

She climbs onto a high-rise hotel ledge in a towel to get away from Howard’s real fiancée.

She outsmarts everyone, including U.S. government agents and mobsters.

She pulls together all four matching travel bags at the heart of the movie (and Howard) to escape with them.

She and Howard steal a VW bug at a wedding to speed through San Francisco, ultimately driving into San Francisco Bay (in a car that floats).

How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?

Judy is a smart, sassy free spirit who trots through her day doing whatever takes her fancy. She does countless oddball things!

What is this character’s emotional range?

At first I thought the character’s emotional range wasn’t much. But she does run the gamut of emotions. None, though, are particularly deep: Happiness, remorse, cunning, confusion, determination, love, intelligence, innocence, contrition.

What subtext can the actor play?

It’s not till the final scenes do we discover that Judy had been avoiding going home to see her oft-disappointed father. So overall: There’s a current of a woman avoiding what’s she’s really there to be doing. But there’s also the subtext she plays with Howard as she impersonates his fiancé, Eunice, and he goes along with it. She also plays subtext in scenes with other characters when she’s either lying to them or trying to get what she wants.

What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?

Judy and Howard.
Judy and Mr. Larabee
Judy and Eunice (the real fiancée!)

How is this character’s unique voice presented?

No matter what, Judy puts herself at the center of events, which send them spinning out of whack and into the outcome they should have been in the first place.

What makes this character special and unique?

Judy sums it up best to Howard near the end: “You can’t fight a tidal wave.” That is exactly what she is throughout this film.

(Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)

Probably the best scene to show this is the banquet scene. As the rich philanthropist becomes more entranced by who he thinks is Howard’s fiancée, Howard tries desperately to set the record straight. But Judy twists everything Howard says, wowing the banquet guests even more. By the time the real Eunice gets into the room, Howard tells Larrabee “I’ve never seen that woman in my life.”

[Hope McPherson]

Hopes’ Genre Conventions

My vision: To be a full-time respected screenwriter whose work brings joy to viewers and creates work for others in the industry, including actors and crew.

What I learned: I appreciated AI taking some of the additions I made to the next level. I decided to throw caution to the wind and see what would happen if I go for a slapstick comedy. I learned that at this point, nothing is too out there to try: Be brave, be daring, have fun.

Title: Novel Nuptials

Concept: A bride’s wedding day unravels when her own fictional creations hijack the festivities, turning her special day into a chaotic battle of wills.

Genre: Comedy

Comedy conventions to use:

• Fish out of water
• Absurd situations
• Hilarious purpose
• Misinterpretations
• Sight and prop humor

Four-Act structure, with genre conventions added:

Act 1:

• Opening: Marta begins her wedding day, and hyper-analyzes and over-corrects everything and everyone, including the uneven blades of grass in the lawn. She worries that she should postpone the wedding to get her manuscript in but hopes the wedding will jumpstart her creativity. She admits to avoiding her publisher at all costs throughout the day.
• Inciting Incident: Her fictional character, Lily, and her manuscript’s cunning antagonist, Vincent Black swoop in before guest begin to arrive. Dressed in 19th-century garb, both demand Marta change their characters to their liking and specifications.
• Turning Point: Marta doesn’t believe them and Lily and Vincent go on a crazy “editing” quest to change things: catering, decorations, flowers, seating arrangements, etc. Marta’s publisher crashes the wedding because Marta has been avoiding her calls. The publisher tells her of a plagiarism charge leveled against her. The publisher is dropping Marta and halting publication of upcoming book to sort this out. Vincent tells the publisher Marta is making the character of Vincent into the hero and Lily from cook to princess.

Act 2:

• New plan: Marta tries to get rid of Vincent and Lily. She calls the cops, but the cop who shows up is a minor character from her book!
• Rival author, Royal Brighton, offers to help and throws out the “cop.” He commiserates about her plagiarism coming out now at such a bad time … Marta suspects a very human plot behind the mayhem. Unbeknownst to Marta, Royal, fueled by jealousy and potential financial gain, has hired actors to portray her characters and disrupt the festivities. Marta’s publisher and Royal are chummy.
• Plan in action: As the stakes escalate and the hired actors continue to wreak havoc, Marta continues to try to control things. Lily alters Marta’s dress. Marta tries to fix it and makes it worse. Vincent and Lily crash the wedding photo shoot. Royal tells groom Marcus about the plagiarism charges. Vincent calls the officiant to say both bride and groom have COVID, so the officiant leaves. Amidst the chaos, groom Marcus, swayed by Royal’s lies, accuses Marta of plagiarism, and threatens to postpone the wedding until.
• Midpoint Turning Point: In front of Royal, Marta accuses Vincent and Lily of being impostors and demands to know why they are trying to destroy her and Marcus’ wedding day. In reply, Vincent edits out Marcus, and Marcus disappears in a huge puff of smoke. Guests begin to arrive and see Marta attack Vincent. Real cops arrive to arrest Marta.

Act 3:

• Rethink everything: The ceremony is only an hour away, and Marta is taken to the police station. Royal bails her out but recommends she call off the wedding and quit writing to stave off disastrous PR. Marta now suspects Royal’s involvement. She rushes back to the venue but disasters pile up: still-MIA groom, decorations aflame, catering gone awry. All the flowers are dead. Marta fights to salvage her special day and prove her innocence. Her publisher, citing the day’s chaos, tells her they will be promoting Royal at the upcoming book expo instead of her.

Act 4:

• Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: She makes a deal with Vincent and Lily, agreeing to all their “editorial wedding changes” if they will help her salvage the wedding and bring back Marcus. Royal tries to prevent them from helping, reminding them who’s paying them. Oops! Now Marta knows who was behind everything. Vincent and Lily agree to help. Vincent makes Marcus reappear in a huge poof of smoke. He admits to being an out-of-work magician. Marta uncovers Royal’s unfounded plagiarism plot against her – and exposes Royal’s plagiarism of a 1935 book.
• Resolution: Vincent officiates the wedding. Guests love the wedding “edits” and the wedding comes off as a creative smash hit that breaks the internet with likes and shares. Vincent and Lily gain new jobs as wedding planners. Impressed, the publisher again backs Marta for the upcoming Book Expo. Royal is dropped by the publisher and decides to raise llamas.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Hope McPherson.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s 4-Act Transformational Structure

What I learned: Breakthrough 1: Although close to stopping a couple of times because I didn’t have it “quite right,” I reminded myself that we really are in the exploration phase here. That opened it up and I was able to play with a few things in Act 3 and Act 4 that I hadn’t thought of before. Breakthrough 2: I went through AI’s comments and opted to reorder things between the acts and then asked AI to review those updates. It came back with a couple more suggestions that did, indeed, let me add a bit more depth, even at this stage.

Concept: A bride’s wedding day unravels when her own fictional creations hijack the festivities, turning her special day into a chaotic battle of wills.

Main Conflict: The bride, a successful author, uncovers a plot by a rival author to orchestrate the chaos to sabotage her wedding and steal her ideas for his own gain.

Old Ways:

• second-guesses everything, including getting married
• hiding a crippling writer’s block
• craves the validation of others
• rigid and controlling, unwilling to deviate from her meticulously planned wedding

New Ways:

• off-the-charts creativity
• embraces spontaneity and finds joy in unexpected twists of life
• able to make decisions, even without a guarantee
• able to embrace her own and others’ imperfections, including the groom’s

Act 1:

Opening: Marta begins her wedding day, happy and anxious as she struggles to keep everything under control. She second-guesses her choices, including her groom and wedding given that she’s late for a deadline with her publisher. (Old Ways: Marta hides crippling writers block)

Inciting Incident: Her wedding plans are derailed when her fictional character, Lily, springs to life alongside her new book’s cunning antagonist, Vincent Black. (Old Ways: Marta second-guesses everything, including getting married)

Turning Point: As chaos ensues and the lines between fiction and reality blur, Marta struggles to regain control of her wedding as her fictional characters are now “editing” her wedding. Marta’s publisher arrives and gives Marta an ultimatum: Marta delivers the manuscript that day or she’s dropped for good. Good luck self-publishing successfully after the PR nightmare her wedding looks to be, the publisher adds. (Old Ways: Marta is rigid and controlling, unwilling to deviate from her meticulously planned wedding)

Act 2:

New plan: Marta suspects a very human plot behind the mayhem. She tries to trip up the fictional characters by editing them. Rival author, Royal Brighton, offers to help. Unbeknownst to Marta, Royal, fueled by jealousy and potential financial gain, has hired actors to portray her characters and disrupt the festivities. Marta’s publisher and Royal are chummy.

Plan in action: As the stakes escalate and the hired actors continue to wreak havoc, Marta continues to try to control things. But the fictional characters stop her at every turn. Amidst the chaos, groom Marcus, swayed by Royal’s lies, accuses Marta of plagiarism and threatens to postpone the wedding indefinitely because he no longer trusts her.

Midpoint Turning Point: In front of Royal, Marta accuses Vincent and Lily of being impostors and demands to know why they are trying to destroy her and Marcus’ wedding day. In reply, Vincent pulls Marcus “into the book,” and Marcus disappears from the venue.

Act 3:

Rethink everything: As the ceremony grows closer, Marta uncovers clues that lead her to Royal’s involvement, revealing the true extent of his vendetta against her. But more disasters pile up: missing groom, decorations aflame, catering gone awry. Struggling against mounting calamity and the fracture in her relationship, Marta fights to salvage her special day and prove her innocence. With time running out, she battles not only external chaos but also internal doubts, determined to reclaim control and secure her happily-ever-after.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Marta enlists Vincent and Lily — who she tricks into admitting are actors — to design her and Marcus’ wedding on the fly. She finds Marcus tied up in the basement, where he had overheard Royal discussing the plot against Marta.

Resolution: Despite the chaos, Marta emerges victorious, having embraced the disorder of her imagination. She discovers happiness in the chaos as the wedding comes off as a creative smash hit, with Vincent and Lily gaining new jobs as wedding planners. Impressed, the publisher gives her a deadline on her deadline and Marcus agrees to postpone their honeymoon to make it happen. Royal is dropped by the publisher and decides to raise llamas. The wedding concludes with Marta and Marcus united in love and creativity, ready to face whatever challenges their future holds. (New Ways: She can embrace her own and others’ imperfections, including the groom’s)

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Hope McPherson.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s Subtext Plot

My Vison: To be a full-time respected screenwriter whose work brings joy to viewers and creates work for others in the industry, including actors and crew.

What I learned: I love subtext. This lesson reminds me/confirms for me/pounds into my noggin that I don’t have to stumble upon it as I write. I can – and must — build it into my scripts even before I write the first “fade in.”

Novel Nuptials: A bride’s wedding plans unravel when her own fictional creations hijack the festivities, turning her special day into a chaotic battle of wills.

Subtext plots

The primary subtext I’ll use is “scheme and investigation.”

Also in the mix will be “competitive agendas” and “someone who hides who he is.”

A scheme-and-investigation subplot will play out as the protag tries to figure out how her new book’s antagonist (and one other of her book’s fictional characters) escaped the manuscript.

• They’re fictional, for pete’s sake! How could they be walking around in the real world?!
• Why are they trying to rewrite her wedding day?
• How can she get them back into the pages?
• Is there someone behind all of this?

Competitive agendas happen as a competing author (a “frenemy”/antagonist) tries to support the protag while also trying to ruin the protag’s relationship with their publisher.

• In the end, we discover it was this character who orchestrates this chaotic wedding day by hiring actors to play the fictional characters.
  The characters who are desperately hiding who they really are will be the protag’s fictional characters who’ve come to life from her book. They are out-of-work actors hired by the competing author.

[Hope McPherson]

My Vison: To be a full-time respected screenwriter whose work brings joy to viewers and creates work for others in the industry, including actors and crew.

What I learned: Great exercise! I was able to do some of what I’ll be asking my protag to do: embrace the twists and turns. I really liked first doing the exercise myself and then asking my writing assistant, AI, to chime in. I found its help useful in deepening a few of my earlier choices.

Arc Beginning: Marta is a popular author who prides herself in controlling everything in her life, including her creative process and friends and family.

Arc Ending:Marta learns to embrace the unexpected and finds inspiration in the chaos.

Internal Journey:From second- and third-guessing her every decision to accepting disorder.

External Journey:Stressed out bride to confident creator ready to take on life and career.

Old Ways:

• Second-guessing even getting married
• hiding a crippling writer’s block
• craves the validation of others
• rigid and controlling, unwilling to deviate from her meticulously planned wedding

New Ways:

• off-the-charts creativity
• embraces spontaneity and finds joy in unexpected twists of life
• able to make decisions, even without a guarantee
• able to embrace her own and others’ imperfections

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Hope McPherson.
• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Hope McPherson.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s Intentional Lead Characters

My Vison: To be a full-time respected screenwriter whose work brings joy to viewers and creates work for others in the industry, including actors and crew.

What I learned: I learned that it helps a lot to ask AI to chew on the possibilities for the lead characters! It was fun to see what it came up with and how I can incorporate that as I move forward.

Novel Nuptials: A bride’s wedding plans unravel when her own fictional creations hijack the festivities, turning her special day into a chaotic battle of wills.

Character: My protagonist, Marta Jordan, is an up-and-coming author and bride.

Logline: Marta is an up-and-coming author who prides herself on being in control of her creative process.

Unique: She’s hiding an enormous case of writer’s block from her publisher.

Character: Antagonist, Royal Brighton is a best-selling author who connected Emily with her publisher.

Logline: Royal is a best-selling author jealous of Emily’s growing success.

Unique: Royal hires actors to portray Marta’s characters to discredit Marta in the eyes of their publisher.

Character: My triangle character, Vincent, is the fictional antagonist in Emily’s new book.

Logline: Vincent creates havoc on Emily’s wedding day by trying to rewrite and “edit” her schedule – and life.

Unique: Vincent is an out-of-work actor hired by Marta’s main literary rival.

[Hope McPherson]

I’m Hope McPherson

I’ve written three good scripts and at least three others, pre SU, that won’t see the light of day again.

This is the second time that I’m taking this class, and I’m hoping to get out of my own way — and learn.

I own a small farm in the Northwest with a some goofy goats and a snooty llama who keeps them safe from the neighborhood coyotes.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope McPherson

I agree to the terms of this release form:

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Hope McPherson]

What I learned: This is my second time through the WIM class. The first time, I hit the brick perfection wall and never got through the class. Sigh.

After tonight’s class, I learned that I CAN CHOOSE to keep moving forward by consciously eliminating the perfection barrier. So that’s what I’m going to do!

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s Living Metaphors

What I learned: I’m stumped with the metaphor challenges. I’m finding the don’t-work challenges more natural, so only have two of the former.

Should-work-but-don’t challenges:

Old way: Make a million before age 25 through savvy business skills

· Charlie should be able to call/meet with developers in the area to buy the farm but none are interested.

Old way: Refusing to share personal details to avoid getting hurt

· Lois (her mom and former B-actress) should have been able to get some gig from her agent, but couldn’t – so ends up at the farm.

· Charlie should be able to scare off Jed once she tells him about her newly diagnosed illness, but he’s not intimidated by it.

Old way: Afraid of animals, so will find them new homes

· Charlie contacts other area farmers and 4-Hers, but none will take the castoff donkey and goat.

Old way: self-reliant

· Charlie asks her mom and her mom’s viewers for help saving the farm.

Living metaphor challenges

Old way: Refusing to share personal details to avoid getting hurt and Old way: Make a million before age 25 through savvy business skills

· She discovers her great aunt’s journal and sees some of her current journey in it.

Old way: Afraid of animals, so will find them new homes

· Charlie finds an unexpected connection with the donkey and goat, even bringing in another rescue donkey.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s counterexamples

What I learned: Once I got started, this was fun to do. I can see how these add a new layer of depth to the blah first draft.

Charlie’s old way: Make $1 million by the time she’s 25 years old to achieve success.

Question challenge

Her mother, a B-movie actress asks her: LOIS: “Do you remember TRIGGER SAFETY?

CHARLIE: How could I forget? You left before I woke up for school and got home when I was finishing my homework before bed.

LOIS: I did it for you, you know.

CHARLIE: And to get into People Magazine.

LOIS: That, too. But that money is gone. So is the fame. What’s also gone is any chance of us being friends.

CHARLIE: I didn’t want a friend. I needed a mom.

LOIS: Be careful what you’re investing in now, Charlie.

Question challenge

AMBER: What are you waiting for? Put this farm out of its misery and finish making that million.

CHARLIE: Then what?

AMBER: You start on your second million!

CHARLIE: That doesn’t sound as amazing as it used to.

AMBER: But your medical bills … How else will you –

CHARLIE: I don’t know. But I’m starting to see what Great Aunt Charlotte saw in this place.

Question challenge

DANIEL: This is the offer you’ve been waiting for. What’s the problem?

JED: This isn’t something you can undo once you sign that contract.

DANIEL: Why would Charlie want to undo it? This is exactly what she came to town to do.

JED: Your great aunt is gone, Charlie. She left this farm to you. What’s going to be your legacy?

Counter example

Charlie spends her day exploring the farm. The donkey and the goat follow her like puppies. She’s taken aback by how much she’s falling for them.

CHARLIE (to the animals): You’re rejects? How can you be rejects? Why, why, I’d spend a million dollars on you two.

Counter example

Charlie’s farm is condemned, and she has only days to make the repairs before the town council meeting.

She asks Lois if she can talk to her TikTok viewers: She puts out a call for help: Bring your hammers and your paint brushes. Fight City Hall by making the little farm what it once was.

The next morning, cars start to arrive. People get to work. Taco brays!

AMBER: This isn’t going to get you a higher offer. The bulldozers don’t care about new paint.

CHARLIE: I do. And if this farm isn’t condemned, maybe my great aunt’s legacy has another chance.

Charlie’s old way: Fear of animals, especially livestock

Question challenge

JED: Look at those faces? How can you be afraid of those faces?

The donkey twitched his long nose and longer ears. The goat reaches for her coat. Charlie softens, but stays put.

CHARLIE: It’s not the faces that worry me. It’s those big hooves, and those pointy horns.

JED: The only thing they want from you is attention and love. They’re good judges of character.

Charlie inches closer, scratches Taco’s ears.

Counter example

Charlie watches her mother doing meditation with Taco, and she watches the videos go viral. One morning, she joins her and she finds herself doing donkey meditation. She hugs Taco.

Charlie’s old way: She’s tightlipped about her feelings and in denial about her recent diagnosis.

Question challenge

JED: Everyone has something. Do you think you’re the exception to the universe?

Counter example

Charlie reads her great aunt’s journal, discovering that she had the same illness that she has – and determined not to let it take over her life.

Counter example

Charlie pours over the latest information from her doctor. Her doctor tells her if there’s ever a time to have MS, now’s the time.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s 12 ANGRY MEN analysis

What I learned: I’ve always liked this movie and now, watching it for (probably) for fourth or fifth time, this lesson had me approach it differently. The writer, Reginald Rose, was so deliberate; and his characters so varied. Nice example, too, for making a contained screenplay work.

Old ways (lots of assumptions):

• open and shut case
• Non-white citizens are “born liars”
• only “bleeding hearts” would think otherwise
• non-native English speakers can’t be trusted
• “do-gooders” are trouble makers
• eye-witness testimony is dependable
• Old men should be sidelined

New ways:

• When someone’s life is on the line, the jury owes him a discussion
• Don’t make assumptions about non-white citizens
• Saying “I’ll kill you” shouldn’t be taken literally all the time
• With age comes wisdom
• Recognizing the hardships of old age
• <font face=”inherit”>”</font>Prejudice<font face=”inherit”> always obscures the truth … now we have reasonable doubt”</font>

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s Synopsis for Producer Interview

EDIT: The experience of acting as the producer was really helpful and did, indeed, help clarify the below synopsis. Thanks, George!

The experience of interviewing as a hired writer was harder than that for me, and I should have spent more time on the characters and their journey. If this were “real,” I’d want another phone call before writing a treatment for the producer.

What I learned: As usual, that it doesn’t pay to get behind. Sigh. Looking forward to trading interviews with someone.

Title: A MERRY KIDNAPPING

Genre: Comedy

Logline: A princess held for ransom must escape or raise $1 million within 24 hours, before the kidnappers discover she’s just a young hacker who aged out of foster care and has been scamming the university.

Synopsis:

PRINCESS ROWENA LOUISA VICTORIA has the campus to herself over Christmas break until two thugs, HUGH and CLASH, swoop in.

But their plan to spirit the princess away and give her royal parents 24 hours to cough up $1 million screeches to a halt when the blizzard of the decade dumps 4 feet of snow on the city – and campus — knocking out power and making all roads impassable.

With their getaway van snowed in, the thugs improvise. They insist the princess contact her father, the king, but Princess Rowena refuses, defying their threats and spitting out a few of her own.

Flustered, Hugh and Clash tie her up in her dorm room and return to their van in a futile attempt to dig it out. The faster they dig, the harder the snow falls.

In her dorm room, and with the thugs gone, the princess acts fast. She wriggles out of the ties and disappears into the dark residence hall.

From the other direction, a powerful beam of a flashlight pierces the dark hallway. Custodian RODGER, who’s retirement celebration was earlier that day, arrives to check on the princess. He sees she’s gone – and he sees the ropes that had tied her hands.

He hears gruff, strange voices approach and he switches off the flashlight and disappears into the residence hall – worried and searching for the princess.

Furious to discover the princess gone, Hugh and Clash begin their hunt.

During the next cold, dark hours, they bicker and grow more desperate: Hugh wants to forget the whole thing and celebrate Christmas with his daughter (who also attends this college!). Clash refuses to let some namby-pamby, spoiled Euro brat cheat him out of his take of the ransom. They continue their search.

Roger, who knows the campus inside and out, discovers the princess hiding in a closet. They team up to stay ahead of the kidnappers.

But Clash keeps coming, and he has a gun. He’s got nothing to lose, including anymore of his temper.

The princess and Roger head for the basement with the kidnappers hot on their heels. Clash shoots into the darkness – and hits Roger!

The princess refuses to leave him, and Clash and Hugh quickly find them.

Clash threatens to finish off Roger unless the princess calls her parents. Out of options, the princess comes clean:

She’s not a princess. Her name is MERRY ROWE; she was a foster kid and once she aged out of the system, she put the one life skill to good use: Creating an identity and conning her way into college. There is no royal father to call.

Clash aims his gun at her head. First her, and then the old man.

The power – the lights — kicks back on!

Merry smiles, tells him that he’ll be killing the golden goose. She points out that she’s been living like a princess — because she’s the best hacker they’ll ever meet. If they let Roger and her go once the blizzard stops, she’ll put a million into their bank account.

Prove it, challenges Hugh.

Micro bank hacks, Merry explains. She can grabs less than 25 cents from any account.

Clash is furious. Not even a measly quarter?! He aims his gun, puts his finger on the trigger.

Merry stays cool: Do the math, stupid. Twenty-five cents from everyone in the city equals …

Roger, grimacing in pain, is furious. She lied to him — to the whole school — pretending to be a princess. Was she laughing at them all behind their backs?

Merry ignores Roger. Do they agree? she asks the thugs. Yes! They give her their bank account numbers.

Merry gets back to her laptop. Flashing Roger a “trust me” glance, she gets to work. Hugh checks his bank balance via his mobile phone. His eyes widen. Clash grins, as her checks his. Sirens in the background grow louder. Time for them to go, they decide.

Once alone with Roger, Merry comes clean again: She’s already reversing the hack and Hugh’s and Clash’s accounts are shrinking as they speak. She also gave the bank authorities a clear path from the irregularities to Hugh and Clash. They won’t go far, or with any money.

And here I wrap it up with the university president offering Merry a scholarship or something.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Hope McPherson.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s Comedy Writing Sample Plan

What I learned: I still need to cut some lines, but by stacking the deck, I could feel it getting stronger.

Comedy: HOLIDAY HITMAN

These scenes are at the end of Act 1 and beginning of Act 2. Hapless government assassin LEVI COX (30s) is on the run after botching a hit but escaping with critical evidence from his powerful target. With his target’s goons hot on his trail, Levi ducks into a crowded bus station filled with holiday travelers. As the goons close in, Levi is stopped by ELDER JOHN MARK — who’s mistaken Levi for his little country church’s new pastor, REV. JIMMY. Seeing a chance to survive the day, Levi assumes the parson’s persona and leaves with the elder.

EXT. BUS STATION PARKING LOT – DAY

John Mark stops at a funky car on the far side of the lot.

JOHN MARK

Here we are!

Opens the passenger door for Levi. Levi ignores him, scans the lot, ready to run.

Douglas and Kyle exit the bus station peer across the parking lot filled with cars. They see Levi!

They sprint toward him, dodging cars and slipping in the slushy snow.

Levi tosses the satchel into the jalopy, dives in after it.

John Mark closes the door.

LEVI

Let’s go! Let’s go!

JOHN MARK

That’s the spirit, Rev. Jimmy!

The elder saunters to the driver’s side, climbs inside. He puts the keys into the ignition. The car cranks … and cranks …

Cars honk as Kyle and Douglas race toward Levi.

LEVI

Let’s go — NOW!

JOHN MARK

Ha! And Peggy worried you wouldn’t have fire in your soul.

The car roars to life. Levi sinks low in the passenger seat.

Running just ahead of Douglas, Kyle reaches for the car and —

Douglas clips Kyle’s heels. Feet tangled, they tumble to the slushy ground in a heap.

An SUV leaving the lot, slams on its brakes to avoid them.

JOHN MARK

I don’t get down to the city often. This is quite an adventure for me.

Levi slips down even lower.

LEVI

Get moving, old man.

JOHN MARK

You’re going to be such a blessing, Reverend!

John Mark backs out of the parking space. Levi stays low.

JOHN MARK

Did you lose something down there, Reverend?

He slams on the brakes. Levi’s head hits the dash. John Mark peers down, concerned.

JOHN MARK

Here, let me help–

Douglas and Kyle, back on their feet, slip and slide toward the jalopy.

Levi shoves the gas peddle down with his hand. The car jumps forward.

LEVI

Go!

John Mark lurches back into his seat.

JOHN MARK

Oh, my. I have it now. Thank you so much.

The car zips out the parking lot. The goons watch, helpless.

JOHN MARK

You’ll love tonight’s reception!

John Mark speeds down the slush-covered road.

EXT. JOHN MARK’S CAR – NIGHT

Levi snores in the passenger’s seat.

John Mark parks in front of a tired small-town church. Christmas wreaths hang on front doors.

A reader board in the front yard reads: WE COME REV JIMMY STOUT

The lights are on.

JOHN MARK

You’re home! And they’re waiting for you!

Levi jerks awake.

LEVI

What?

JOHN MARK

The church! Mifflin Community Church!

John Mark drops a set of keys in Levi’s lap.

Levi stares at the keys and then at the church.

LEVI

I haven’t walked into a church in 25 years. You’ve got the wrong guy, Old Man.

He turns back to John Mark. The seat’s empty! The satchel is gone!

John Mark is entering its front doors. He’s got the satchel!

LEVI

What the–

Levi throws open the car door and runs to the church.

INT. COUNTRY CHURCH – NIGHT

Levi stands in the church foyer, scans the room.

A Christmas tree stands behind the pulpit. Wreathes hang on the walls.

Four Advent candles sit on the organ. Three candles are already lit.

The satchel sits beside the pulpit at the front of the sanctuary.

Church members fill the pews between Levi and the satchel. No one notices him. John Mark is nowhere in sight.

Two farmers, HERMAN (60s) and FRANK (60s), bicker.

HERMAN

We did it last year because it was the right thing to do.

FRANK

It’s my turn this year.

HERMAN

It’s unnatural.

Two grey-haired 70-something matrons, GLADYS AND PEGGY sit together.

Beside Peggy sits her granddaughter, GRACIE (12).

GLADYS

If he tries any of that funny business here, well, I’ll–

PEGGY

You brought snickerdoodles?

GLADYS

Of course.

PEGGY

Gracie and I made banana bread.

Sitting alone near the back, MADDIE HARPER (30s), notices Levi.

Self-assured, Maddie looks like she can run a company (she does), change the oil in a car (she has), or kick ass (ask the last guy who tried to cheat her).

She watches Levi slip into a back pew —

And slither to the floor.

Levi quietly belly-crawls between legs and under the pews.

His eyes are glued to the satchel ahead until

— He reaches the final pew, glances at the underside of the pew and sees a hefty dust-covered spider’s web.

Startled, Levi slams his head upward on the thick wooden pew.

LEVI

Goddamit!

Instant silence.

Levi maneuvers out from under the pew. He stands.

HERMAN

Who the …?

FRANK

It’s Rev. Jimmy!

PEGGY

What’s a man of God doing on the floor?

GLADYS

Taking the Lord’s name in vain?!

The church members murmur.

LEVI

(thinking fast)

Exactly what I said: Asking God to damn the evil … in the world.

A collective sigh goes up.

HERMAN

Preach it, Pastor!

Levi grabs the satchel.

The congregation (all but Maddie) chant–

CHURCH MEMBERS

Preach! Preach! Preach! Preach!

Levi is trapped by the unrelentingly godly.

Frank motions him to the pulpit.

Levi grabs a nearby hymnal. Considers throwing it at the crowd.

Church members wait.

LEVI

(paging through hymnal)

Um … Thank you, Jesus!

Church members call out “Amens.”

LEVI

(still turning pages)

Why in the world are you people in church on a Monday night? Isn’t there a game on?

CHURCH MEMBER

Preach it, Reverend!

Levi finally lands on a hymn and reads.

LEVI

O come, o come Manuel. And pay the ransom for Ishmael. Um … Rejoice, rejoice, Manuel.

Taking the cue, the ORGANIST plunges into the hymn, “O COME, O COME, EMMANUEL.” Church members join in, loudly.

INT. CHURCH BASEMENT FELLOWSHIP HALL – CONTINUOUS

Levi clutches the satchel and a cookie. Eager parishioners surround him.

A homemade “Welcome Reverend Jimmy!” sign hangs on the wall above flyers about BINGO NIGHT and a printed poster about the annual LIVE NATIVITY AND BAKE SALE.

Punch and cookies flow freely.

The church matrons appear. Gracie stands with her grandmother. She’s the only kid in the room.

GLADYS

I’m Dr. Gladys Cramer, Rev. Jimmy. Your reputation proceeds you.

PEGGY

Medical weed may be legal in Chicago, but that’s not how we do things here.

(beat)

I’m Peggy Anderson. I’ve been a member here for thirty-five years. Do you always wear black? You look like a priest. We’re not Catholic.

LEVI

I’m a government assassin.

Gracie’s eyes grow wide.

PEGGY

Hrumph.

GLADYS

No matter. We’ll see you tomorrow morning for the Ladies’ Bible Study and Tea.

LEVI

God, no.

The women drift away. Gracie follows, but briefly looks back at Levi.

Farmer Herman approaches Levi and extends a hand.

HERMAN

Sheep. It’s always been sheep. Herman Edgar Becker at your service, Rev. Jimmy.

Frank hustles over, steps in front of Herman.

FRANK

Frank Harris, Pastor. It’s my turn.

Levi sees Maddie near the cookies.

LEVI

Who’s she?

FRANK

A goat.

LEVI

A what?

FRANK

A goat. It’s time we use a goat. For the live Nativity.

Levi waves them off, starts toward Maddie.

A chubby SYLVIA PARKER (20s) blocks him.

SYLVIA

Rev. Jimmy! Finally!

He chomps the cookie.

SYLVIA

Your letters were wonderful, Pastor!

LEVI

Huh-huh.

SYLVIA

I can’t believe you’re marrying me!

He chokes. A chunk of cookie flies out of Levi’s mouth, hits Sylvia in the forehead.

SYLVIA

Don’t worry about puking in front of us, Pastor. We can take it.

FRANK

(calling out)

Can we get this man some water?

(to Levi)

Don’t you worry, Pastor. I know mouth to mouth.

Levi shoves past them, gagging.

REGGIE FISH (20s), who’s built like a brick outhouse, blocks his way. Menacing.

Reverting to hit man mode, Levi takes Reggie down.

Just as fast, Reggie flips him over. Pins him to the carpet.

Herman, Frank, and Sylvia stand over them, smiling.

SYLVIA

That’s so sweet!

Reggie stands, pulls Levi to his feet, slaps him on the back.

REGGIE

I appreciate your team spirit, Rev. Jimmy!

FRANK

Reggie was the county’s wrestling coach of the year three years running.

SYLVIA

It should have been four.

She takes Reggie’s arm.

REGGIE

We can wrestle later, if ya like, Reverend. Come to the high school after my guys’ practice.

Reggie steps closer to Levi.

REGGIE

Like Sylvie says, we’re looking forward to being your first wedding on Friday night.

(whispering)

Sorry we don’t have time for pre-marriage counseling. We did read the book you sent.

SYLVIA

Most of it, anyway.

HERMAN

And what did the book say about living in sin?

INT. CHURCH OFFICE – NIGHT

Still clutching the satchel, Levi stands alone in a sparse, dingy office with an old desk and outdated desktop PC. A weak light hangs overhead.

Levi shakes out the contents of the satchel on the desk: A cell phone, hair brush, lipstick, and a thumb drive.

He examines the thumb drive.

Footsteps!

Levi slides the thumb drive into his pocket, kills the light, and presses himself against the wall. He’s ready to attack.

MADDIE

I know you’re here, Reverend. I saw the light.

Levi stands down. Flips the lights on.

Maddie steps into view.

MADDIE

Interesting message tonight.

LEVI

It’s my go-to sermon.

She walks past him, notices the odd pile on the desk.

MADDIE

Maddie Harper, editor of the Mifflin Gazette.

They shake (longer than necessary), look each other over. They’re intrigued by what they see.

LEVI

The Muffin Gazette?

MADDIE

Mifflin. The town you’re in.

LEVI

I knew that.

MADDIE

I own the town paper.

LEVI

Congratulations.

Maddie eyes the odd collection on the desk, picks up the lipstick.

MADDIE

How’s tomorrow night for an interview?

LEVI

I won’t be here.

MADDIE

Where else will you be?

LEVI

Anywhere.

MADDIE

Look, you’re news and my readers will want to read about you.

LEVI

I doubt that.

MADDIE

Great! I’ll see you at five. Right before choir practice.

LEVI

Before what?

She bends over the day-timer, uncaps the pen, and writes “INTERVIEW” in the 5 p.m. slot above the line with “CHOIR PRACTICE.”

MADDIE

Everything is in your day-timer on your desk. That’s right next to your lipstick, Reverend.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s profound ending

What I learned: Doing this assignment, as well as the previous one, gave me more clarity on my blah first-draft than I’ve ever had. I’m also thinking about another concept in the works and how these exercises will make all the difference with it, too.

My transformational journey logline (edited):

An entitled businesswoman intends to sell her inherited farm to make her first million, but when she discovers the farm is the last chance for rescued livestock destined for the slaughterhouse, she discovers where her real wealth lies.

Profound truth: Real wealth has little to do with money.

Instead of selling her farm to the developers to achieve her first million, Charlie (protag) fights to keep her farm from a powerful developer and ultimately turns it into a rescue and last chance for neglected and abused farm animals.

Setups/payoffs

Setup1: Charlie makes her first big real estate deal at the same time she receives a devastating diagnosis; she wants to use the sale of the farm to prove that she can succeed in spite of her illness and make her first million.

Payoff1: She turns down the developer and turns the farm into a nonprofit, using the money she made earlier to fund it.

Setup2: Charlie is afraid of animals, especially large farm animals.

Payoff2: She confronts the owner of the slaughterhouse to save another donkey and bring it to the farm.

Setup3: Charlie finds her great aunt’s journal.

Payoff3: Her great aunt also had the same disease and never let it stop her.

Setup4: Charlie makes a boatload of money on her first big real estate deal and intends to sell the farm to complete her first million.

Payoff4: She uses the money from that first deal to open her nonprofit and refurbish the barn, house, and fences.

Setup5: Charlie’s diagnosis causes her to consider the farm as an escape, where she can get her head around this news in private.

Payoff5: She learns in the journal that her great aunt had the same illness and refused to let it define her.

Inevitable ending/surprise ending: Charlie perseveres in connecting with a developer. But when she learns that the developer is in cahoots with her step-mother, she makes it clear that she still wants to use the farm to become rich.

Charlie sells her portion of her father’s company to her step-mother and Daniel, and the back 20 acres of the property to the town as a greenbelt.

Parting image/ending: Charlie’s farm becomes a respected nonprofit animal rescue to which schoolkids and others come for tours and to learn about the livestock.

She and Dr. Mack are now a couple, working together to keep animals safe, and her mother has gotten a surprising revival of her old celebrity days through her donkey/meditation and goat/calisthenics.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s key business decisions

What I learned: I wrote this script in the ProSeries and worked on it again during the Master Screenwriting Certificate class. This is the first time that I took the time to boil it down to these components with this kind of clarity. Very helpful!

Genre:
Dramedy <div>

Title:
DIRTY POLITICS

Concept:
A conservative U.S. Senator is saved by an
undocumented migrant worker, and he must soon choose between saving her
life or saving his career, destined for the White House.
Audience:
Women over 25

Budget:
$1-5 million

Lead Characters:
Sen. Seth Fields; Maria Luna; Sen. Clifton Delford

Journey / Character Arc: Conservative, and arrogant Sen. Seth Fields is on a
fast track to the White House and he’s not letting anyone – or any ethics
— stand in his way. But after defying an even more powerful force, he’s left
for dead in the desert. Saved by a beautiful migrant worker and her family,
the senator wakes up with amnesia. He stays with the hardworking family
and must pay his way by working in the fields and gaining new and utterly powerless
friends. He falls in love with his Mexican Good Samaritan only to be
tracked down by his fiancé.

Back in D.C., Seth continues to feign amnesia to discover who was behind his attack. Now changed by the lessons he learned in the migrant camp, he’s soon at odds with the powerful Sen. Delford – even rejecting his party’s platform. He discovers Sen. Delford was behind the first attack, and now Delford threatens the woman Seth loves (not his fiancé!). Seth fights back and wins this time but pays the ultimate price by walking away from his political career to save the woman who first saved him.

Opening / Ending: This
script opens with a car jacking on a desert highway in the dark of night
and ends with the Seth escaping death a second time, but this time showing
up in Mexico at the restaurant where Maria now works after being deported.
</div>

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s connection with the audience

This was a great way to consciously consider all of these pieces for these characters. I like to think I’ve been doing this in my earlier scripts, but this assignment made me go deeper than before, which will definitely make a difference in the script.

Characters to connect with the audience:

Charlie Piper, Amber Piper, Lois Piper, Dr. Jed Mack, DVM

Charlie (protag)

Relatability: She’s screwed up at work big time; she has dreams for her future; she’s afraid of big farm animals; she has a life-changing health diagnosis; she argues with her mother.

Intrigue: her relationship with Dr. Mack; how will she be able to overcome her fear of the livestock? What did she discover in the journal?

Empathy: She ill yet moves forward in spite of the diagnosis; she tries to fix her business screw-up; she has issues with her stepmother; her father died of cancer.

Likeability: She falls in love the rescues! She works hard and has fun doing it.

Amber Piper (antag)

Relatability: A woman business owner; trying to move forward after death of her husband; wants to date again.

Intrigue: How does she know Daniel? How does she plan to take over the farm?

Empathy: Young widow; trying to save a failing business.

Likeability: Wants to help Charlie soon after Charlie has her diagnosis; makes amends with her late husband’s ex-wife

Lois Piper (mother of protag)

Relatability: Middle-aged; trying to figure out retirement; into social media.

Intrigue: Was a B-movie actress. Why does she come to Charlie’s farm? Is she rich or is she poor?

Empathy: She feels obsolete; she feels unwanted; she tries new things to stay relevant; her ex-husband died of cancer.

Likeability: Sense of humor; has big ideas; loves the farm animals right away; loves her daughter.

Jed Mack, DVM

Relatability: Helped his elderly neighbor; runs his small business; loves animals.

Intrigue: How did he know the great aunt? Will he fall for Charlie? Will he fall for Amber?

Empathy: He works long, hard hours.

Likeability: Sense of humor; loves animals; supports his community and neighbors.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s Transformational Structure

What I learned: This is was a great assignment to fill in the blanks, as well as discover and explore.

My transformational journey logline:

An entitled businesswoman intends to sell her inherited farm to save a failing company until she discovers the farm is the last chance for rescued livestock destined for the slaughterhouse.

Main character

Charlotte “Charlie” Piper (20s)

MM1: statue quo and call to adventure

Charlotte “Charlie” Piper is killing it, making real estate deals at her late father’s company. She’s 48% owner in this real estate holdings firm; her mother, Lois, is a 2% owner, and her stepmother, Amber, holds a 49% stake.

Charlie’s dream is to make her first million before age 25 and her latest deal could get her there — until her client is arrested for embezzling. Not only does Charlie’s big deal evaporate, but the company is now also facing bankruptcy unless it can come up with $3 million. This is all Charlie’s fault, points out Amber.

While Charlie contemplates Amber’s warning of a possible federal investigation into Charlie’s part in the fraud, she learns that she inherited her late Great Aunt Charlotte’s farm. Charlie decided selling the property to a developer will solve everything.

Change agent: Charlie

Transformational characters: The farm and it’s rescued donkey and goat; the neighbor vet; her mother and stepmother; the corrupt local developer

Old ways: Entitled, afraid of the animals, impatient, city girl

The vision: At this point: Sell and get back to the city.

The challenge: Charlie is out of her element and has a chronic illness.

Weaknesses: Fear of the animals, unwell, facing bankruptcy or worse.

MM2

Charlie arrives at the farm and discovers it’s rundown and an old donkey and old goat are in the barn! She’s afraid of the animals, yet now she must also find new homes for this odd pair before she can sell the farm.

She meets Dr. Jed Mack, DVM, who’s been caring for the animals and explains that her great aunt saved them from the slaughter house. They immediately clash, and she begins calling developers in the area.

The developers refuse to talk to her when they realize what farm she’s trying to sell. Her stepmother calls to check on her progress, tells her that the lawyers and feds are circling and the company will be bankrupt by Christmas if she doesn’t find a way to sell the farm. Charlie’s mother, an aging self-absorbed B-actress, arrives unannounced and says she’s staying.

Change agents: The farm, Dr. Jed

Old ways: Entitled, afraid of the animals, impatient, city girl

The vision: At this point: Sell and get back to the city.

The challenge: She can’t find a buyer..

Weaknesses: Her mother arrives unannounced; she has little time till all is lost.

MM3

In spite of herself, Charlie makes friends with the donkey and the goat. Her mother, Lois, begins TikTok’ing donkey meditation videos. Charlie finds her great aunt’s diary, which includes cryptic information about someone out to take over her farm.

A developer and local politician, Daniel Clark, shows up and offers a pittance for the property. Charlie rejects the offer, and Daniel warns that his deal will be the only one coming. Step-mom/boss Amber arrives to stay and get the farm sold.

Change agent: The donkey and goat; her step-mother.

Old ways: She’s still seeking a buyer, just not Daniel.

New ways: Charlie rejects Daniel’s offer, because she recognizes he’s sketchy.

The challenge: She still must pay off the debt.

Midpoint: With Amber’s arrival, Charlie has more pressure on her to sell but not with her best interests in mind.

MM4: Charlie forms a new plan

Charlie contacts big-city developers, but none of them are interested. One knows of Daniel and tells her to be careful. Amber and Daniel go out on a date, and Amber offers to help Daniel close the deal with Charlie.

Lois’ donkey meditation videos go viral and Dr. Mack convinces Charlie to take in a second abused donkey.

The local city council announces a new roadway to connect to the interstate along with an industrial park, to make the city more attractive to big business and bring in millions.

Charlie counters the initial offer from Daniel because of the projected revenue. He says, too late: The industrial park will cover Charlie’s farm and Daniel, as the city council appointee, tells her that they’re condemning the farm and invoking eminent domain to get her land.

New ways: Charlie now cares for the donkeys and goats, no longer afraid of them.

Challenge: The city invokes eminent domain.

MM5: Charlie retreats and the antagonistic forces prevail

The local paper announces the deal and local citizens are excited to have their dying town get a second chance. Charlie goes to the local City Hall meeting and is shouted down and labeled an outsider. Dr. Jed accuses Charlie of destroying the memory of her great aunt.

Lois continues her videos, and she and Amber seem to make up after all the years of clashing constantly over their shared/awkward history with the same man. She then convinces Lois to sell her the 2% stake in the company, ostensibly to help restructure to stave off the bankruptcy.

But instead Amber sells Daniel that 2% stake: Now she and Daniel are majority owners in Charlie’s late father’s company! She gives Charlie two options: a crippling lawsuit if she can’t repay the debt within 48 hours OR Charlie can sell the farm to them.

Charlie’s illness hits her hard, and lands her in bed. Her doctor tells her to walk away from the farm for the sake of her health and well-being.

Old ways: Charlie is still eliminate the debt from the fraud.

New ways: She fights back; she’s growing to love the farm.

Challenge: Her chronic illness strikes and the doctor advises her to get back to the city.

MM6: Charlie’s bigger, better plan

While in bed, Charlie reads more of her great aunt’s journal, including how she fought City Hall and won 40 years before. She asks her mother to let her speak to her TikTok followers about the crisis on the farm – and the help needed ASAP.

The video goes viral, too, and people begin to flock to the farm the day before Christmas Eve. Some bring their power tools and lumber; others bring buckets and paintbrushes.

Charlie gets out of bed and together the crowds begin to clean and repair and make the farm spotless. Even the donkeys and goat are spruced up for Christmas.

Amber and Daniel are furious. The next day, after everyone has left, they call in the bulldozers.

Old ways: Amber and Daniel team up to get the farm.

New ways: Charlie asks for help from her mother – as well as crowds of helpful strangers.

Weakness: Charlie has to face down bulldozers.

MM7: Crisis and climax

Charlie, with Dr. Jed, stand their ground and face off with the bulldozers. Daniel calls in his cronies on the City Council as well as on the local police force. Lois gets on TikTok.

A truck and trailer are called in to take the donkeys and goat away, with Amber claiming the animals are being neglected because Charlie’s too ill to take care of them and had earlier said she didn’t care if they ended up in bottles of Elmer’s Glue. The donkeys take aim at Amber’s and Daniel’s backsides.

Charlie pulls out her great aunt’s journal. Her great aunt had discovered evidence of an ancient burial site on the farm. She contacted the local historical society, as well as a nearby scholar of area indigenous peoples. The farm, the experts announce, is a sacred, vital link to the region’s past. The City Council is forced to give up!

New ways: Charlie calls on Dr. Jed, as well as the great aunt’s journal, for help.

Vision: She beats back the city council and prevents the farm from ever being developed.

Weakness: She’s still facing bankruptcy.

MM8: Charlie’s new status quo

Now spring, the farm continues to look beautiful. But now Lois’ Donkey Meditation classes include rows of humans at the farm participating. A baby donkey frolics among the attendees, as do some baby goats.

Dr. Jed and Charlie are obviously a thing now, and the sign out front announces the farm and donkey and goat rescue.

New way: Charlie is living out her great aunt’s legacy of an animal rescue, as well as living her best life in the country.

Profound truth: By addressing the greatest needs around us, we can fulfill our life’s real desires.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s specialty — Comedy

What I learned: You can’t be in two classes at the same time with a daughter getting married and expect to keep up with the assignments.

That said, while I have been focusing on comedies, I dislike a lot of the more modern comedies and prefer the older comedies that focused on wordplay, hyperbole, misdirection, and smart dialog.

First of my two:

Genre: Comedy

Title: A NEW
LEAF (1971)

<div>

How it delivered
on the genre conventions:

This film uses constant deadpan humor, hyperbole, sight gags, situation comedy, exaggeration, and misdirection.

Outline of the movie, highlighting the parts that fulfill the genre:

The film opens with the sound of a heart machine beeping weakly. A man in a white lab coat uses a stethoscope as he listens intently. In front of him stands HENRY GRAHAM, who’s obviously worried. The white-jacketed man suggests Henry step outside and wait. Henry refuses, too concerned.

The heart monitor beeps weakly on and the camera pulls away to reveal a second man in a lab coat. He’s a little rough for a doctor. A few more beeps, and then nothing. But the first man tells Henry that everything is okay — as we discover the patient was Henry’s temperamental sports car. The white-coated men: mechanics.

Henry spares no cost to live his confirmed bachelor’s life: sports car, polo ponies; custom tailored suits, the nest New York restaurants, and a personal valet. But everywhere he turns, someone tells him that his lawyer is urgently trying to reach him: first while he’s riding his polo pony; then when he’s in his private plane; then when he’s at his country club — where he also learns his checks are bouncing.

Henry finally goes to see his attorney, demanding that he pay the overdrawn checks. The attorney tells him that’s impossible: Henry has lived on $200,000 a year when his inheritance provided only $90,000. The attorney was forced to sell out the principle over the years and now Henry is broke. Henry demands the attorney cover the overdraft. Finally, after a frustrating back and forth, Henry excepts that he’s destitute.

In over-the-top mourning, he wanders the New York streets to visiting his haunts: an expensive restaurant, the stable with his polo pony, his tailor’s shop, his country club. Finally he returns home to ask his valent, Harold, what he would do if he, Henry, were poor. “Find another job immediately after giving proper notice,” says Harold. But Harold also makes a suggestion: “Marriage is the only way to acquire property without labor.”

Aghast at first, Henry realizes this could work, if he marries and then murders a wife. But first he must borrow $50,000 from his Uncle Harry, who despises him, to keep up appearances.

Uncle Harry, surrounded in luxury, reluctantly agrees to loan Henry $50,000 for six weeks, during which time Henry must have married and repaid him at 10% interest. If Henry can’t marry for money in six weeks, he must signs over everything he owns ($500,000 worth) to Uncle Harry. Henry agrees and gets to work trying to find a wife.

He meets and awkwardly attempts to woo a wealthy (and desperate) Texas widow; he meets a wealthy charity volunteer but can’t stop himself from ripping apart foam hats, popping balloons, and knocking over signs. Through it all, he’s the picture of urbane disinterest. With only one week to go, he attends an afternoon tea and sees a quiet mouse of a woman sitting by herself.

Henry asks who she is and learns Henrietta Lowell is the filthy rich only child of a dead millionaire who lives on a 50-acre estate and teaches botany at a local college. She’s perfect, Henry says, as Henrietta drops her teacup onto the floor. Soon, Henry is coming to her aid as Henrietta drops another cup and frustrates the hostess. Henry, in solidarity, spills his tea on the carpet and ushers Henrietta outside.

He has only one week to woo, marry, and payback the $50,000. He takes her home, takes her to dinner the next night, and proposes. She accepts and then informs her longtime lawyer. Her lawyer, Andy McPherson, is a shyster who’s been cheating her for years. Naturally he’s distraught that Henrietta isn’t marrying him and he does everything he can (in three days) to stop the wedding. It doesn’t work, even after he teams up with Uncle Harry.

Henrietta, in fact, decides to give Henry his own checkbook and let him run the finances.

Once married, Henry and his valet move into Henrietta’s mansion. They soon learn that her staff have no respect for her and are cheating her out of millions. Henry fires them all and begins plotting Henrietta’s death — while also cleaning up after her, straightening her clothes, and learning all he can about botany and garden poisons.

Henrietta’s guileless sensibilities soon win over Harold. She also discovers Henry has a history degree and she encourages him to teach at the college with her. He’s appalled, but straightens her clothes and dusts her off. He has also become an expert on finances, botany, and more, in spite of himself.

Then one day, Henrietta rushes home to tell him that she’s discovered a new fern. He’s pleased for her and assumes she’s named it after herself, giving her a bit of immortality. Nope. She’s named it after him.

He’s speechless, and touched.

She convinces him to go with her on her summer research river trip. While on the trip, he gets the perfect opportunity to kill her: They inadvertently go down rapids and their canoe overturns. Henrietta can’t swim but gets to rocks. Henry gets to the shore on the other side. His goal is within reach; he’ll encourage her to let go of the rock and she’ll drown.

But then he sees her fern, the one she named for him. “Damn, damn, damn!” Furious with himself, he plunges back into the river and saves her.

Coughing and choking, she asks him if he’ll really mind teaching history at the college in the fall. No, he doesn’t think he’ll really mind.

Hope specialty – movie #2

Comedy

BRITTANY RUNS A MARATHON (2019)

What I learned: This was the second time I’ve seen this movie, and this movie is as much a “profound” movie as it is a comedy. It’s not a laugh-riot, but it is filled with a constant stream of irony. It was great to watch as a learning moment for both of my current classes.

How it delivered on the genre conventions:

This film used a lot of irony, wordplays, sarcasm, jokes, missed connections, and physical humor.

This movie spanned two years, with acts one and two being the first year and the second year condensed into act three.

Brittany, in the beginning, is overweight and underachieving. She’s regularly late for work; covers insecurities with sarcasm, and treats her depression with booze and recreational drugs. She visits a doctor in the hopes of scoring Adderall, but instead of giving her a prescription, the doctor challenges her to make healthy changes her life.

During the appointment, she uses a constant stream of jokes and sarcasm.

By that fall, though, she steps into a gym. Again with the wisecracks, when she discovers that it would cost her $125 for a basic membership. Instead, Brittany puts on sneakers and plods along for free. Along the way, she’s forced to interact with fellow runners, sparking more sarcasm and wordplay. By the first winter, the trio plan to begin training for the New York City Marathon.

As Brittany grows more serious, she makes those lifestyle changes the doctor challenged her to make. But she’s a flawed character, and lies/jokes to scam her way through a job interview; backslides constantly, and is always judging herself as harshly as she can.

By spring, she and her BFF, Gretchen, have grown apart. Brittany now sees her friend for the shallow person she is. Brittany also notices that Gretchen can’t bring herself to celebrate any of Brittany’s successes.

As she grows more fit, those around her treat her differently. She notices, although she continues to use sarcasm and wit to build a bridge between herself and everyone else, including Jern, who she meets when she moves into a dog-walking client’s house. Now the comedy includes sexual innuendo and plenty of awkward mistakes.

When summer arrives, she rejects her friends’ help and backslides: drinking and overeating. She overtrains, as well, and develops a stress fracture in her leg just five weeks before the marathon. Now she can’t run and she leaves New York for her hometown of Philadelphia.

As she recovers, she moves in with her older sister and her brother-in-law, Demetrius. She promises to stay only a couple weeks, but eventually is living in the basement. During this act, Brittany sinks even deeper and eventually insults a fat guest at her brother-in-law’s birthday party. Demetrius, who raised her, calls her on her behavior at the party and before. After this crisis, act three launches, with a quick “One Year Later” on the screen.

She’s gotten her life back together; has a dog; has a job in advertising; and is running the New York City Marathon. Through it all, there’s banter, sarcasm, and the occasional mockery. But she’s also learned, “If somebody wants to support you,” …”I should let them.”

In the scenes after she runs the race, she’s living with Jern, who wants to marry her and still running.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Hope McPherson.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s Credibility Is Going Up!

What I learned: I have a long way to go but there are things I can do every week, which is inspiring!

Things I can do in the next 30 days — and coming months:

· Make at least two or three LinkedIn posts a week, starting now, to get my name out there.

· Finish my website, making sure it focuses on my screenwriting.

· Make a point of reading/studying more comedy scripts.

My writing sample

I’m never sure what to use, so look forward to the lessons about this one … I’ve been focusing on comedies for a few years now, though.

I do plan to go out for coverage this spring, though I haven’t done this yet due to a variety of factors.

Screenwriting Accomplishments

A few smaller contest top-10 finishes and quarter finalist placements. One option and several near options.

The Google factor

Came up once as a screenwriter on Infolist.com, so I immediately updated it last night with my bio. Several other articles that I’ve written came up, too, but those are magazine features. I’m working on my webpage.

My Network

Since working on this during my
MSC8 course, I’ve acquired 2,539 LinkedIn connections – of which 1,600 list
themselves as producers. I haven’t tended those connections much, though,
and need to make a plan and do it.

Education specific to screenwriting

ProSeries 60 Course
Master Screenwriter Course 8
Binge-Worthy Course
Robert McKee’s Story Seminar
intensive

6. Borrowed Credibility

Have worked with a couple
producers and a young director. Also maintaining my SU connections, whenever
possible. (We can rise together!)

7. IMDB CREDITS

https://www.imdb.com/find/?q=Hope%20McPherson&ref_=nv_sr_sm

Just shows my associate producer credit, but I have something at least

8. Other forms of credibility that is related to screenwriting:

Have been on a screenwriters panel
on Bainbridge Island
Associate producer credit
Member of Northwest Screenwriters
Guild
Longtime feature journalist

Subject line: (Your name’s) Credibility is Going Up! (place in first line)

Deadline: 48 hours

Again, for this lesson, you’ll have two assignments.

Assignment
1: Fill out the Credibility Checklist.
Assignment
2: Make Your LinkedIn Profile the best it can be.

Don’t worry, these are both easy. And remember, even if you already think you’ve nailed these two, even a small improvement in your credibility could make the difference with the next producer you pitch. So make sure you do these important assignments.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s Three Gradients

What I learned: This isn’t there yet, but taking the steps is helping me flesh this out to take my first draft forward. I find this process helpful for clarity in a big way.

My transformational journey logline.

An entitled businesswoman intends to sell her inherited farm to save a failing company until she discovers the farm is the last chance for rescued livestock destined for the slaughterhouse.

Charlie’s emotional gradient

The “Desired Change” gradient

Excitement:

Action: Charlie drops everything to take possession of the farm she inherits.

Challenge: The farm is a dump and her great aunt had a donkey and goat, which are still there (and cared for by a neighbor).

Weakness: Charlie now has to find homes for the animals before she can sell – and she’s afraid of the animals.

Doubt:

Action: Charlie calls local developers, seeking a buyer.

Challenge: None of the developers will touch the property, but won’t tell her why.

Weakness: Charlie’s mother arrives and tells her that with her new disability, she can’t expect to succeed.

Hope:

Action: Charlie becomes attached to the donkey and goat; she rescues a second donkey when asked by a local vet.

Challenge: Charlie’s stepmother warns her that her father’s business is nearly bankrupt – and needs the cash from the sale of the farm.

Weakness: Still no developers available.

Discouragement:

Action: Charlie’s illness flares due to stress. Her doctor advises moving back to the city and considering a less stressful career.

Challenge: A sketchy developer offers to save the day; her stepmom suggests sending the donkeys and goat to auction.

Weakness: Threatened with eminent domain challenge.

Courage:

Action: Charlie finds her great aunt’s diary; discovers she had the same illness.

Challenge: She won’t let the illness stop her either! She discovers a suspicious link between the developer and her stepmother.

Weakness: Lack of experience and the eminent domain challenge proceeds.

Triumph:

Action: Charlie alerts state authorities to illegal bribes happening at local level; tells her mother and stepmother that she’s not selling. She’s staying and expanding the rescue.

Challenge: The bulldozers are coming.

Weakness: She’s broke, and her stepmother arranged to have the donkeys and goats taken to the auction.

[Hope McPherson]

Hi all,

1. I’m Hope McPherson, and have also taken lots of SU courses. During this time, I’ve written three good scripts, one of which is now optioned. Before that, I wrote a few blah scripts, so probably six or seven scripts total.

2. I like writing spec scripts, and am still marketing them. But I think the real pathway forward is to write for hire. Years ago, I was a freelance feature writer and enjoyed immersing myself in magazine and newspaper assignments. I’d like to do that same thing for producers.

3. I’ve mentioned in other introductions that I have a 5-acre farm in the Pacific Northwest, with a handful of knucklehead goats and a bossy llama. Well, I’m finally learning to spin my llama’s fiber. (Next I’ll need to learn how to knit, I guess. <s>)

Edit: Adding a couple more things, based on Hal’s email:

Projects:

DIRTY POLITICS (finished script): A popular conservative senator with eyes on the White House and a target on his back falls in love with a beautiful undocumented migrant worker and must choose between his future or her freedom.

A MERRY LITTLE KIDNAP (idea): A former foster kid spreads a rumor at her college that she’s a princess, but after she’s kidnapped, her non-existent royal family has only 24 hours to pay $10 million ransom to save her life.

Three things that I learned from the Zoom teleconference:

<font face=”inherit”>1. Build </font>credibility in some way every week.

<font face=”inherit”>2. Don’t be an a-hole. Be flexible, and focus on doing what’s needed to get the movie made.</font>

<font face=”inherit”>3. Discover the producer’s vision and make sure to check in at every step of the way to ensure that you fulfil — and understand — that vision.</font>

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Hope McPherson.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope McPherson: I agree to the terms of this release form —

2. The words “I agree to the terms of this release form.”

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s Lead Characters

What I learned: I’ve gotten more clarity about this first-draft script by doing this assignment than I ever had while writing the first draft. Just filling in the pieces on this process is already bringing together a roadmap for a much deeper script.

My transformational journey logline.

An entitled businesswoman intends to sell her inherited farm to save a failing company until she discovers the farm is the last chance for rescued livestock destined for the slaughterhouse.

Your Change Agent and how that character fits the role:

I’m working with a script I have at the first-draft stage; I see the dead aunt as the change agent; it’s her farm that the main character inherits. Aunt Charlotte was an independent woman who traded a career for a farm and, eventually, saved animals destined for slaughter. Pro-tag Charlie discovers this as the script progresses. She also discovers that Aunt Charlotte faced pressure from developers but died before the issue was resolved.

Her vision was that being a success had little to do with money and a career. It was about making a difference in the lives of others, whether human or animal.

Your Transformable Character, and how that character fit the role:

Charlotte “Charlie” is young and idolized her uber-successful father. She intends to follow in her dad’s footsteps, also making a million before age 25. She plans to sell her inherited farm to a developer to move her closers to her goal, but then she discovers the rescued livestock. By the time she meets an unscrupulous developer, her priorities have begun shifting.

The Oppression and how the oppression works in your story.

The oppression is twofold: The developer has been using eminent domain to acquire the land in this town, including Charlie’s farm. At the same time, Charlie learns she has Graves disease (or another auto-immune disease).

Your Betraying Character, and how that character fits the role:

Charlie’s stepmother is the betraying character. Much younger than her late husband (Charlie’s father), her company is failing and by working with the developer (unbeknownst to Charlie), she’s the behind-the-scene to force Charlie to sell. She also preys on Charlie’s fears about her illness.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Hope McPherson.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s Transformational Journey

What I learned: To appreciate the process and to accept this puzzle piece as the edges of the puzzle. Already, I can see where this can have the ability to act as the compass as I work on the draft I’m using with this class.

Tell us your logline for the transformational journey.

An entitled businesswoman intends to sell her inherited farm to save a failing company until she discovers the farm is the last chance for rescued livestock destined for the slaughterhouse.

Her old ways:

Entitled

Selfish

Citified

Anxious

Expects quick fixes

Her new ways:

Generous

Caring

Hardworking

Courageous

Determined

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s first three decisions

What I learned: Taking the time to consider these questions was a good way to ground myself in the big idea of this script. I don’t want to just tell a story that viewers can leave muttering, so what? This can help me get that answered before anyone ever asks.

What is your profound truth? Where we belong isn’t always where we planned to be.

What is the change your movie will cause with an audience? We can find wholeness and meaning in unexpected places.

What is your Entertainment Vehicle? Metaphor (business to barnyard)

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s analysis of GROUNDHOG DAY

What I learned: I’ve seen this movie oodles of time and always put it down as a quirky, well-written flick. But this time I saw that Ramos built such a careful journey for Phil to take and no line and no event was a throwaway line or event. Everything fit together to get us to the end, celebrating with Phil.

What is the CHANGE this movie is about? What is the Transformational Journey of this movie?

* A self-centered man learns that doing for others and looking outside of himself brings him much more joy and purpose.

Lead characters: Who is the Change Agent (the one causing the change) and what makes this the right character to cause the change?

* I’d say the change agent is the mysterious never-ending day, not a character. That gives Phil the never-ending time to look outside of himself — and discover Rita in a whole new way than he saw her in the studio that first day.

Who is the Transformable Character (the one who makes the change) and what makes them the right character to deliver this profound journey?

* Phil, the transformable character, is forced to make this journey, and he’s the right person for the journey because he has the most to lose and to gain.

<font face=”inherit”>* He’s also the person with whom most of us can identify: Ourselves on our minds; </font>cynicism<font face=”inherit”> is our default; always busy with often-rote tasks — and never quite living the lives we expected/planned for ourselves.</font>

What is the Oppression?

* That Phil must relive the day until he gets it right.

How are we lured into the profound journey? What causes us to connect with this story?

* We live through a typical day for Phil and we can identify with his frustration at not being where he expected to be at this point in his life, including not receiving the recognition he is SURE he’s entitled to. At this point, we’re Phil in a lot of ways.

Looking at the character(s) who are changed the most, what is the profound journey? From “old ways” to “new way of being.” Identify their old way: Identify their new way at the conclusion:

What is the gradient the change? What steps did the Transformational Character go through as they were changing?

* So interesting to see and map out!

1. Phil begins as a self-absorbed jerk to others.

2. Phil is then confused and frightened by the repeating day — he’s lost all control over his future. His old self even asks Rita for help.

3. Then Phil decides to do whatever he wants — relishing NO consequences. He’s lies, plots, steals, and takes advantage of people even more than before.

4. Discovering no joy in that, he goes into a deep depression and commits suicide over and over. That doesn’t solve his problem either, and he decides he must be a god.

5. He asks Rita what she’d do if a day kept repeating. She is the person who says maybe that’s not a curse.

6. Now Phil, who’s been watching and remembering for his own advantages, uses that skill to benefit others — and he finds joy again (even without losing his edge).

7. Now Phil DOES get the notoriety he’d always wanted, and it came out of giving of himself (not taking).

How is the “old way” challenged? What beliefs are challenged that cause a main character to shift their perspective…and make the change?

* See above.

What are the most profound moments of the movie?

* Watching Phil’s reaction to others throughout the meeting (e.g., ignoring the panhandler to feeding him to caring about him to mourning him; helping a couple as they begin their married life; saving the boy from falling and saving the choking victim; becoming the life of the town and life of the party AFTER he’s put others first. As scripture says, “The first shall become last and the last shall become first.)

What are the most profound lines of the movie?

* “What would you do if you were stuck in one place and everything was exactly the same and nothing you did mattered,” Phil asks the two guys in the bowling alley. “That about sums it up,” says the dude.

* “I don’t worry about anything anymore. I don’t even floss.”

* “It’s cold out there everyday.” “It’s going to be cold. It’s going to be gray, and it’s going to last the rest of your life.”

*To Rita, finally, while she sleeps: “I’ve never seen anyone nicer than you are … I don’t deserve someone like you, but if I ever could, I swear I would love you for the rest of my life.”

<font face=”inherit”>* His final Groundhog Day news report, “I couldn’t imagine a better fate than a long, </font>lustrous<font face=”inherit”> winter …”</font>

How does the ending payoff the setups of this movie?

* Now Phil is a real hero who’s discovered notoriety by giving himself away and putting himself second to others.

What is the Profound Truth of this movie?

<font face=”inherit”>* Putting others first is really the only way to find a </font>fulfilling<font face=”inherit”> life. Basically, doing unto others as you want them to do unto you can have a pretty fabulous payoff.</font>

[Hope McPherson]

Hi all,

I’m Hope McPherson from Port Orchard, Washington.

I’ve completed three good two good scripts (one currently optioned) and a pilot, have a few scripts in early draft form or outline stage, and a few others that are no good at all.

Goal: I’ve taken several courses from Hal — all really good — and was waiting for this one to come up again so I could jump aboard. I’m looking forward to thinking about my scripts in a new way, and adding this layer to their creation and development.

Unique about me? I own a 5-acre farm with a llama and four goofy goats, and recently began spinning my llama’s fiber (llamas and alpaca have “fiber”; sheep have wool). One of these days, I’ll need to learn to knit, too. <g>

[Hope McPherson]

Hope McPherson: I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s Scene Requirements

Vision: To be a working, trusted screenwriter who supports herself by writing smart films that are produced and enjoyed, while also working on writing assignments for other industry professionals.

What I learned: What an ordeal! But I’m finally this far, at least. The outline was the place to discover I could combine a couple of scenes and fix act 4, though. I imagined myself figuring this out after the first draft or two and

ACT 1

EXT. BUCOLIC MEADOW – DAY

Assistant Professor of English Marta Jordan directs her fictional characters – and they aren’t happy with her editorial indecisiveness. A student-athlete breaks the spell when he arrives for help on his essay.

Scene Arc: Marta has writer’s block and the characters aren’t happy about it!

Essence: The characters are restless.

Conflict: The characters begin plotting.

Subtext: Marta doesn’t know the characters are watching her.

Hope/fear: Marta will overcome writer’s block. The characters will mutiny.

INT. MARTA’S OFFICE – DAY

While helping struggling student-athlete, Marta avoids calls from her publisher. Learns the dean wants to talk to her next morning.

Scene Arc: Marta in teaching mode to possible trouble with publisher and dean.

Essence: Marta is a young academic/assistant professor.

Conflict: Will the publisher get through to her? What’s the dean want?

Subtext: Marta is trying to juggle a lot of balls and failing.

Hope/fear: Marta will succeed with the publisher and dean. We’re afraid she’s in trouble.

EXT. BUCOLIC MEADOW – DAY

Marta again works on her book. Her antagonist, Cyrus, is getting mad. A phone call pulls her out of it, and the publisher tells her she has a week to get the book to him or she’ll be in breach of contract.

Scene Arc: Marta still trying to get through writer’s block but the publisher’s ultimatum makes it worse.

Essence: The characters are growing stronger and they’re pissed.

Conflict: The characters refuse to listen to Marta.

Subtext: Marta doesn’t know the characters have a plan of their own.

Hope/fear: We hope she has a breakthrough. We’re afraid she won’t.

INT. DEAN’S OFFICE – DAY

Marta learns the college will put her or Professor Andrew Vanderburg on the tenure track – while the other will be let go or be demoted to adjunct faculty. Marta bursts into tears for the dean who has to make such a difficult decision.

Scene Arc: Marta learns her job is on the line at the college.

Essence: Marta is in a precarious place with her day job and writing.

Conflict: She and Andrew are now in competition.

Subtext: Marta’s emotions are out of whack as she worries too much about others.

Hope/fear: We hope Marta keeps her job. We fear Andrew may get it.

INT. ANDREW VANDERBURG’S OFFICE – DAY

Prof. Vanderburg calls someone, worried about his job – but sure he hasn’t been discovered yet. David, Marta’s fiancé, arrives to give Andrew the $20 he owes him after David lost the bet over a college basketball game.

Scene Arc: Andrew plans to use Marta’s fiancé to sabotage Marta.

Essence: Andrew is out for No. 1

Conflict: His job in at stake.

Subtext: Andrew has something going on the side that he’s hiding.

Hope/fear: Will Marta find out? Will Andrew’s plan work?

INT. CLASSROOM – DAY

In her classroom, Marta bores her students, and when she returns student essays, she congratulates the bored student-athlete on acing his paper, much to Marta’s surprise.

Scene Arc: Marta in class, doing her thing.

Essence: She’s not as popular or as interesting as Andrew.

Conflict: She bores her students.

Subtext: The dean isn’t impressed.

Hope/fear: That this was just a bad day. We fear Andrew will get tenure.

INT. MARTA’S OFFICE – DAY

In her office, Marta complains to David that her characters aren’t doing what she wrote — literally! Andrew pokes his head into the office, and – Andrew gets buddy-buddy with David. Invites him out for poker night with the guys.

Scene Arc: Marta’s troubles continue with writing to Andrew pulling David away from Marta.

Essence: The characters are taking over, and Andrew is manipulating David.

Conflict: David is choosing poker over Marta while she has writer’s block.

Subtext: The fictional characters are mutinying and David has a gambling problem.

Hope/fear: The David will see through Andrew. But we fear Andrew has his number.

EXT. CAMPUS QUAD – DAY

Marta and David argue about final wedding details. David leaves for a poker convention, tells Marta to do whatever last-minute plans she needs to do – and pick up his tux while she’s at it.

Scene Arc: From discussing wedding plans together to Marta being on her own.

Essence: Andrew’s plan is working.

Conflict: Marta is on her own before their wedding.

Subtext: Marta lets David walk all over her.

Hope/fear: We hope David will help. We fear he’s going to get into trouble at the poker convention.

INT. CLASSROOM – DAY

Marta’s book’s fictional antagonist, Cyrus Landrake shows up in her classroom with a list of the characters’ demands. The list includes what kind of character they want to be. Cyrus wants to be the hero of her manuscript.

Scene Arc: The characters make demands of Marta.

Essence: The characters are real!

Conflict: They are demanding she do what they want.

Subtext: Her writer’s block just got 1000x worse.

Hope/fear: Hope that Marta will keep control, but fear that the characters will win.

ACT 2

INT. MARTA’S OFFICE – DAY

Marta opens the file with her book’s draft and discovers Cyrus is no longer in the pages! She’s is still convinced this is a scam – and Andrew is responsible. She bursts into Andrew’s office to accuse him of hacking into her laptop. The student-athlete is in Andrew’s office, too. Andrew sees Cyrus and is intrigued.

Scene Arc: From accusing Andrew to noticing her student is also there.

Essence: Marta believes Andrew is doing something underhanded.

Conflict: Marta distrusts her colleague.

Subtext: Andrew is scamming her, but not the way she thinks.

Hope/fear: We hope she figures out what Andrew is doing, but we fear she won’t.

EXT. CITY STREETS – DAY

Cyrus follows Marta through her final wedding errands. He creates trouble by editing her wedding plans with the venue and caterer. He edits her decisions, etc. But Cyrus also begins to enjoy real life.

Scene Arc: Cyrus gets a taste of the real world and he likes it.

Essence: Cyrus discovers the real world.

Conflict: Marta must try to prevent him from editing her wedding plans.

Subtext: Marta responds like a child who’s mom was an alcoholic.

Hope/fear: that Marta can show some backbone; but fear she’s not there yet.

INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT

David meets her for dinner, with Andrew tagging along. Marta lies, saying Cyrus is her cousin in town for the wedding. Cyrus wants to edit out David during dinner.

Scene Arc: Marta begins lying to David and Andrew about who Cyrus is.

Essence: Marta has to deal with David, Andrew, and Cyrus at the same time.

Conflict: Cyrus wants to edit David-as-fiance.

Subtext: Cyrus sees that David isn’t right for Marta.

Hope/fear: We hope Marta can control the situation; we fear Cyrus is getting stronger.

INT. CLASSROOM – DAY

The dean observes Marta’s class, but this time Cyrus takes over when he’s tired of Marta messing up. He talks about Bronte’s characters as though he knows them. Marta kicks him out.

Scene Arc: Marta goes from professor in charge to professor on the sidelines – on front of the dean.

Essence: The dean sees Marta as a weak professor!

Conflict: Cyrus takes over

Subtext: Cyrus seems to “know, personally” the fictional characters.

Hope/fear: We hope Marta won’t lose her job, but we fear she will.

INT. CLASSROOM – DAY

Cyrus loves the real world; he pokes his head into Andrew’s class (lots of laughing and energy!)) Checks out another class and discovers “unions” in a business class.

Scene Arc: Cyrus goes exploring and likes what he learns.

Essence: Cyrus goes from sheltered fictional character to man on a new mission

Conflict: Marta is losing control of her fictional character.

Subtext: Cyrus now knows what he’s been missing.

Hope/fear: We hope that Cyrus cooperates, but we fear that he’ll get even wilder.

INT. POKER ROOM – NIGHT

David makes an outrageous bet for a new wedding venue and wins big. Says his luck is on the rise and no stopping him now.

Scene Arc: David goes from winner to out-of-control loser-to-be.

Essence: David is losing it.

Conflict: David loses their wedding money.

Subtext: David is out of control.

Hope/fear: We hope David will have self-control, but we fear he’ll get worse.

INT. MARTA’S OFFICE – DAY

Marta discovers a second character – Rose, a maid – has disappeared from her book completely. Cyrus introduces Marta to “Rosie,” and they take her out on the town.

EXT. CITY STREETS – DAY

They continue “editing” Marta with new hairdo and new makeup. Marta, still in disbelief, wants to know how this happened. Andrew is following them. Marta’s publisher calls, demanding the book in a week or be sued. Cyrus insists she write the characters’ new storylines to solve her and their problems. He’s losing his patience.

Scene Arc: Marta’s writer’s block is coming back to haunt her.

Essence: Now Cyrus wants to help her.

Conflict: She has writer’s block!

Subtext: Cyrus wants to control his own destiny.

Hope/fear: that Marta can finish her book; we fear she’ll be sued.

EXT. COLLEGE QUAD – DAY

Andrew wants the truth about Cyrus and Rose. Cyrus and Rose say they are Marta’s cousins, but their story falls apart when Andrew probes. Andrew tempts them with “real life’s” choices and pleasures. When David walks past, Andrew ropes him into taking part in a secret bigtime poker match to give Marta best wedding present ever, knowing he’ll probably lose big.

Scene Arc: Andrew goes all out to sabotage Marta.

Essence: Andrew is a shmuck.

Conflict: Can David keep his promise to Marta not to bet anymore?

Subtext: Andrew wants to win at all costs.

Hope/fear: That David will see through Andrew, but fear that he’ll bet and lose.

INT. HOUSE – NIGHT

David has disappeared. Marta can’t reach him via cell or any other way. She discovers David has been written into the pages. Cyrus says he put David into the manuscript.

Scene Arc: David is missing to found – in the manuscript!

Essence: Cyrus wants to have his way!

Conflict: Cyrus puts his powers to work?!

Subtext: Cyrus is trying anything he can think of to get his way.

Hope/fear: We hope David is OK, but we fear he’s now fictional.

ACT 3

INT. HOUSE – NIGHT

Marta fights back after Cyrus threatens to delete David in 24 hours if she doesn’t change the characters according to their requests. Marta edits Cyrus into a 10-year-old. But 10-year-old Cyrus turns book-David into a rabbit. The rabbit runs away, and Marta writes herself into the book to find him!

Scene Arc: From writer’s block to Marta being in the book herself!

Essence: Things got even worse for Marta.

Conflict: David is apparently a rabbit – and missing.

Subtext: Marta is finally taking matters into her own hands.

Hope/fear: we hope she can find David and get out of the book, but we worry David will be lost forever.

EXT. BUCOLIC MEADOW – DAY

Marta explores the meadow, searching for the rabbit-David. She finds the David-rabbit and brings him back.

Scene Arc: Marta explores her own world.

Essence: She sees it from another side.

Conflict: Gotta find the rabbit!

Subtext:

Hope/fear: We hope she finds David, but we fear she won’t get back to the real world.

INT. MARTA’S OFFICE – DAY

Back in the real world, Marta tells Cyrus that she’ll turn him into an adult again, if he’ll make David a human again. Cyrus refuses until he’s the book’s hero – or until she writes him out of the book to let him stay in the “real world.”

Scene Arc: Marta is back to discovering Cyrus doesn’t want to go back!

Essence: Cyrus likes this side of the pages.

Conflict: Marta loses more control of her characters.

Subtext: Marta needs to figure out how to deal with this.

Hope/fear: We hope Cyrus cooperates, but we fear he won’t and Marta will lose again.

INT. MARTA’S OFFICE – MONTAGE

Marta cares for the rabbit and also agrees to rewrite Rosie into a governess. She writes like crazy – but misses classes, doesn’t grade papers, and ignores calls from the dean. She’s a mess.

Scene Arc: Marta starts with a plan and ends by losing control.

Essence: things are heating up yet more.

Conflict: everything

Subtext: Marta would rather write than teach.

Hope/fear: We hope Marta gets the draft done, but fear she’ll be fired.

INT. MARTA’S OFFICE – DAY

David returns from the poker game after losing BIG. Marta thinks Cyrus turned him into a human again! David goes along with that lie to hide that he lost it all gambling. Then she sees the David-rabbit!

Scene Arc: David returns and Marta realizes he lied to her.

Essence: Marta stops making excuses/concessions for David.

Conflict: Marta must admit she was wrong and decide to move on.

Subtext: Marta lets go of her childhood baggage.

Hope/fear: We hope Marta takes care of herself, but we fear she’ll fall back on old habits.

INT. MARTA’S OFFICE – DAY

Cyrus admits that real David was never really in the book. Furious, she is about to do a replace-all in her manuscript – turning Cyrus into a fish – when Andrew arrives. He tells Cyrus that he doesn’t need Marta; he and Rose can create their own futures by trading fiction for nonfiction!

Scene Arc: Marta loses Cyrus to real life.

Essence: Marta loses Cyrus to real life.

Conflict: Andrew lures Cyrus and Rose away from Marta.

Subtext: Andrew still going for tenure.

Hope/fear: we hope Marta keeps control of her characters, but we fear she won’t.

INT. DEAN’S OFFICE – DAY

Marta looking for Cyrus and Rose when the dean fires her, effective immediately for a variety of reasons, including sloppy teaching, lack of academic publications, and stupid fiction. Andrew is put on tenure track.

Scene Arc: Marta is fired and Andrew gets tenure.

Essence: This is Marta at her lowest, without David, without the characters, and without a job.

Conflict: Marta is now unemployed.

Subtext: Andrew has seemingly won.

Hope/fear: we hope she’ll get through this, but we fear she won’t.

ACT 4

EXT. CITY STREET – DAY

Marta calls her publisher and admits she lost control of her characters. Literally. He takes pity on her. Says he’ll give her one more chance, if she can find them.

Scene Arc: No hope to a glimmer of hope.

Essence: Marta needs to get her characters back.

Conflict: The characters are missing.

Subtext: The publisher thinks it’s writer’s block; we know the characters are MIA.

Hope/fear: we hope the publisher gives her one more chance; we hope Marta finds her characters.

INT. WEDDING VENUE – DAY

Marta checks in with the new wedding venue and discovers David didn’t pay for it. They can’t use it and David admits he gambled away $35K that was for their wedding. He wants to have her forget the characters and elope. Now. Marta calls off the wedding and dumps David.

Scene Arc: From losing characters to losing her wedding hopes and dreams.

Essence: She’s alone now.

Conflict: She’s seeing David for who he is.

Subtext: David expects to get his way again.

Hope/fear: We hope she really dumps him; we’re afraid she’ll give in.

EXT. CITY STREET – MONTAGE

Marta hunts for Cyrus and Rose. Checks out the homeless. Goes into soup kitchen. Finally hears a disturbance – Cyrus is trying to edit a police officer! Marta smooths it out with the police officer, and explains to Cyrus and Rose that she has a solution and hopes they can help her for real.

Scene Arc: Marta seeks her characters and finally finds them.

Essence: She cares about their wellbeing.

Conflict: They want the real world, but don’t understand it.

Subtext: She wants them to be happy, too.

Hope/fear: We hope they’ll return with her; we fear they may not.

INT. DEAN’S OFFICE

Marta shows up unannounced at English Department meeting, where announcement to be made, re Andrew’s tenure. Cyrus and Rose are there, and she brings the student-athlete. Marta tells him to tell the dean what he told her after she confronted him with his final essay: Andrew had been writing his final papers to keep him on the basketball team – and to make extra money. The dean fires Andrew on the spot and offers Marta her job back. Marta declines. Tells the dean that she sent the book to her publisher – with Cyrus as the hero – and he loved it.

Scene Arc: Marta is finally stepping up to keep her job.

Essence: She’s showing some moxie.

Conflict: Andrew won’t go down without a fight.

Subtext: Marta is more sure of herself than she’s ever been.

Hope/fear: We hope she really is, and we fear Andrew may have something else up his sleeve.

INT. BOOK STORE – DAY

Marta is at a book signing for her now-bestseller; the line goes out the door. The dean appears book in hand for her autograph. He begs her to reconsider returning to her professor role. She would be made a new endowed chair and given time each year to continue writing. Marta says she’ll think about it.

Scene Arc: Marta is can choose her path.

Essence: Marta is a success at her dream job.

Conflict: The decision to teach or not.

Subtext: She gets to choose

Hope/fear: We know what she’ll choose!

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s intriguing moments

Vision: To be a working, trusted screenwriter who supports herself by writing smart films that are produced and enjoyed, while also working on writing assignments for other industry professionals.

What I learned: It’s horrible getting behind. But looking for the intriguing moments does give one a chance to ramp up the interest in the scenes.

Act 1

Mystery: Fictional characters plot to mutiny and escape the pages of the manuscript.

Conspiracy: The antagonist and other characters plot to give the author a taste of her own medicine (i.e., ceaseless editing of her life).

Scheme: Prof. Vanderburg hatches a plan to sabotage Marta to prevent her from getting tenure. He manipulates her fiancé, targeting her fiancé’s gambling addiction.

Suspense: Cyrus tells her that he and some of the other characters are sick of her playing god with their lives. He gives her a choice: prepare to be edited – or make him the hero of her manuscript.

Act 2

Mystery: Marta pull up her manuscript on her laptop and discovers Cyrus is no longer in the pages! She’s is convinced this is a scam.

Intrigue: The dean observes Marta class, but Cyrus takes over and discusses Bronte’s characters as though he knows them personally.

David disappears, and Marta can’t reach David via cell. She discovers David has been written into the pages. Cyrus says he put David into the manuscript!

Act 3

Covert agenda: Marta now believes, and she’s terrified to edit – or write –anything with David in the book. Cyrus threatens to delete David for good if she doesn’t make him the hero of her book.

Coverup: David isn’t really in the book; he’s on a gambling binge. Cyrus uses this to his advantage.

Scheme: Andrew reports Marta’s odd behavior to dean, ostensibly to get her help, but really to sabotage her career.

Coverup: Andrew must keep the dean’s eyes off him in order for his essays-for-cash scheme to stay in business. He makes Marta look like a crazy idiot.

Coverup: David returns from the poker game after losing BIG. Marta thinks Cyrus turned him into a human again! David goes along with that lie to hide that he lost it all gambling. Then Marta sees the David-rabbit! Now she knows that David and Cyrus have been lying to her.

Act 4

Superior position: Marta visits a new wedding venue; not until she tries to book it does she discover David gambled away $35K for their wedding. She ends engagement and kicks him out.

Intrigue: Days later, Marta is out shopping and she sees a poster for an upcoming small-town play – with “Cyrus” in the lead.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s emotional moments

Vision: To be a working, trusted screenwriter who supports herself by writing smart films that are produced and enjoyed, while also working on writing assignments for other industry professionals.

What I learned: That disempowerment is real! This took forever because I second guessed myself bigtime. Still don’t have acts 3 and 4 figured out, but enough is enough.

ACT 1

Surprise: Assistant Professor of English Marta Jordan directs her characters, from within the book – and they aren’t happy with her editorial indecisiveness. A student-athlete comes for help on his essay.

Distress: While helping struggling student-athlete, Marta avoids calls from her publisher. Learns the dean wants to talk to her next morning.

Distress: Marta again works on her book. Her antagonist, Cyrus, is getting mad. The publisher tells her she has a week to get the book to him or she’ll be in breach of contract.

Sacrifice: In meeting with the dean, Marta learns the college will put her or Professor Andrew Vanderburg on the tenure track – while the other will be let go or be demoted to adjunct faculty. Marta bursts into tears but for the dean who has to make such a difficult decision.

Moral issue: Prof. Vanderburg calls someone as he hatches a plan. David, Marta’s fiancé, gives Andrew the $20 he owes him after David lost the bet over a college basketball game.

Excitement: In his classroom, Andrew shows why he’s such popular professor. The dean watches, pleased.

In her classroom, Marta bores her students, and when she returns essay’s, the bored student-athlete aced his paper, much to Marta’s surprise.

Betrayal: Andrew hires old college buddy to help sabotage Marta’s chances at the faculty position. They plan to exploit David’s gambling weakness.

Surprise: In her office, Marta complains to David that her characters seem to be doing their own thing in the pages. They aren’t doing what she wrote — literally! Andrew pokes his head into the office, and —

Betrayal: Andrew gets buddy-buddy with David, asks him for advice. Invites him out for poker night with the guys.

Love: Marta and David argue about final wedding details. David leaves for a poker convention, tells Marta to do whatever last-minute plans she needs to do – and pick up his tux while she’s at it.

Surprise: Marta’s book’s fictional antagonist, Cyrus Landrake, shows up in her classroom. He tells her that the other book characters voted him the most likely to succeed – at stopping her from ruining their lives.

Suspense: Cyrus tells her that he and some of the other characters are sick of her playing god with their lives. He gives her a choice: prepare to be edited – or make him the hero of her manuscript.

ACT 2

Confusion: Marta pull up her book and discovers Cyrus is no longer in the pages! She’s is convinced this is a scam.

Distress: Marta accuses Andrew of trying to scam her while their careers are held in the balance. Andrew thinks she’s on to him, trying to get to her via David. The student-athlete is in Andrew’s office, too.

Distress: Cyrus follows Marta through her final wedding errands. He creates trouble by editing her wedding plans with the venue and caterer. Tells her she can stop this by making him the hero of her book.

Moral issue: David meets her for dinner, with Andrew tagging along. Marta lies, saying Cyrus is her cousin in town for the wedding. Cyrus edits Marta during dinner.

Dilemma: The dean observes Marta class again, but this time Cyrus takes over, talking about Bronte’s characters as though he knows them. The dean is furious.

AJ 2: Cyrus challenges David, tries to edit him, too, but makes more trouble for Marta.

Moral issue: David makes an outrageous bet for a new wedding venue and loses big. Furious, he throws tantrum, till Cyrus steps in. Marta says David’s anger is understandable.

Betrayal: Andrew lies to dean about Marta’s work to gain an advantage in tenured position.

Turning point: While working on the book, Marta discovers a second character — a maid – has disappeared from her book completely. She storms into Andrew’s office to ask if he’s responsible.

AJ 3: Cyrus introduces Marta to “Rosie,” and they continue “editing” Marta’s life and wedding plans. Marta goes along with a new hairdo and new makeup when Rosie zeros in on Marta’s low self-esteem.

New plan: PJ 3: With new doo and makeup, Marta takes Cyrus and Rosie out on the town. She offers to “set them free” in the real world if they will leave her alone. She’ll write new characters, she says.

Marta’s publisher gives her an ultimatum: Deliver the book in a week or be sued. She panics, and now has major writer’s block. Cyrus offers to help – and gives her story lines for him as the hero.

Love: Cyrus is falling for Marta, knows David is no good for her. Marta sticks up for David, says his childhood was chaotic – and she knows how that feels.

Betrayal: Andrew dares David (fiancé) to take part in a secret bigtime poker match to give Marta best wedding present ever. Challenges him to bet it all, knowing he will.

TP2/midpoint: David disappears. Marta can’t reach David via cell. She discovers David has been written into the pages. Cyrus says he put David into the manuscript.

ACT 3

Rethink everything: PJ: Marta now believes, and she’s terrified to edit – or write –anything with David in the book. Cyrus threatens to delete David for good if she doesn’t make him the hero of her book.

Marta begins writing, but has massive writer’s block.

Still with David missing, Marta returns the final exams and essays. Her student-athlete aces the essay again. She recognizes some of essay’s wording mimics Andrew’s comments about Wuthering Heights. She’s now suspicious!

Andrew reports her odd behavior to dean, ostensibly to get her help, but really to sabotage her career.

Rosie says she’ll convince Cyrus to bring back David if Marta writes her a bigger part in the book, giving her a love interest. Marta’s writer’s block continues.

Surprise: Marta decides to write herself into the manuscript!

This in-book David doesn’t know Marta because Cyrus wrote him that way. This David thinks he’s a butler and falls for Rosie.

Marta leaves the book and edits Cyrus again – turning him into a 10-year-old. But 10-year-old Cyrus turns book-David into a rabbit. The rabbit runs away, and Marta goes back into the book to find him!

Marta explores the world she created. She finds the David-rabbit and brings him back. She tells Cyrus that she’ll turn him into an adult again, if he’ll make David a human again. Cyrus refuses until he’s the book’s hero.

Marta cares for the rabbit and also agrees to make Rosie a governess. She writes like crazy – but misses classes, doesn’t grade papers, and ignores calls from the dean. She’s a mess.

David returns from the poker game after losing BIG. Marta thinks Cyrus turned him into a human again! David goes along with that lie to hide that he lost it all gambling. Then she sees the David-rabbit!

Cyrus admits that real David was never really in the book; he warns Marta about David’s compulsive gambling. She doesn’t believe him. Furious, she does a replace-all on her manuscript – turning Cyrus into a fish. Cyrus is sucked back into the manuscript.

Distress: The dean fires Marta, effective immediately. Andrew is put on tenure track.

ACT 4

In her pjs at home, Marta sends the book to her editor, now with Cyrus as the fish and Rosie as the heroine.

The publisher hates it. Wants the advance back.

Betrayal: Marta contacts a new wedding venue and discovers David gambled away $35K that was for their wedding.

Marta realizes she’s making excuses for David like she used to make excuses for her mother. She calls off the wedding, and kicks David out.

Days later, Marta is out shopping and she sees a poster for an upcoming small-town play – with “Cyrus” in the lead.

Surprise: Marta buys a ticket and goes to the play. She sits in the center, near the front. During one of the scenes, Marta waves at Cyrus. Cyrus flubs his lines.

Marta races backstage after the play ends – and discovers Rosie is part of the backstage crew. Rosie admits to her part in the deception. She and Cyrus come face to face.

Suspense: Marta shows up unannounced at English Department meeting, where announcement to be made, re Andrew’s tenure. But Marta tells the dean that Andrew hacked into her computer in a ruse to sabotage her effort to make tenure. The dean thinks she’s nuts – then Cyrus arrives.

Andrew throws Cyrus under the bus, saying it was his idea. Cyrus admits to his part but counters that Andrew contacted him.

Marta texts on her cell and the student-athlete enters. Marta tells him to tell the dean what he told her after she confronted him with his final essay: Andrew had been writing his final papers to keep him on the basketball team – and to make extra money.

The dean fires Andrew on the spot and offers Marta her job back.

Marta declines. Tells the dean that she sent the book to a new publisher – with Cyrus as the hero – and he loved it.

Resolution: Marta is at a book signing for her now-bestseller; the line goes out the door. The dean appears book in hand for her autograph. He begs her to reconsider returning to her professor role. She would be made a new endowed chair and given time each year to continue writing. Marta says she’ll think about it..

After he leaves, Marta begins autographing a book for the next person in line, asks for the name – and it’s Cyrus!

[Hope McPherson]

Hope McPherson’s Character Action Tracks

Vision: To be a working, trusted screenwriter who supports herself by writing smart films that are produced and enjoyed, while also working on writing assignments for other industry professionals.

What I learned: Focusing on the actions makes so much sense! I can see the script starting to take shape and new layers coming into play in ways I have had them appear before. I want to do this process with a couple other spec scripts I have in the works!

NOVEL REVOLT (comedy)

ACT 1

PJ 1: While helping a struggling student-athlete with this “Victorian Fiction Literature” essay, Assistant Professor Marta avoids calls from her publisher by gulping when she realizes who’s calling, and then tossing her cell phone into her desk drawer and slamming it closed. Still hearing its ring, she opens the drawer and shoves her coat into the drawer to completely muffle the sound.

PJ 2: Passing an obviously shaken colleague, Assistant Professor Andrew Vanderburg, enters the dean’s office, where the dean informs her that the college will put one of them on the tenure track at the end of the year – and the other professor will be let go or demoted to adjunct faculty. It’s all based on their performance and how they connect with students. Marta bursts into tears, but for the dean, sad that he’s got to make such a difficult decision.

AJ1: Andrew is shaken at the news but quickly rallies. He makes a phone call from his office, tells whoever he’s talking to that he’ll soon have a tenure position. Oh, and by the way, he has a job for an old friend.

AJ2: In his classroom, Andrew marches back and forth, putting on a show as much as a “lecture.” He’s exciting and insightful. The female students (and at least one male student) swoon.

PJ 3: Marta’s lecture on Wuthering Heights, is sad and dry. She tears up at the theme of “love is pain.” Her student-athlete is bored out of his mind and nods off. She’s asked why author wrote it as such a downer; why not make her characters “happy.” She mentions “illusion of independent agency,” although no reason to think this happened to Bronte.

She returns papers and the student-athlete aced it, much to her surprise.

Deeper layer (future reveal): Andrew hires old college buddy to help sabotage Marta’s chances at the faculty position. OR, we hear Andrew making a call but don’t know who he’s calling.

In her office, Marta avoids her publisher again, tossing her phone into a different drawer. This time in front of her fiancé, David. He answers for her? She complains her characters seem to be doing their own thing in the pages. They aren’t doing what she wrote — literally!

Deeper layer: Andrew gained access to Marta’s manuscript and made the changes. ??

PJ 4: Marta and David discuss wedding after semester ends; he wants to invite his poker buddies. Marta says no; he gets angry and she quickly agrees to keep the peace. David says he’ll be gone next week to a poker convention.

AJ 2/Inciting incident: In the Victorian Fiction class, Marta’s book’s fictional antagonist, Cyrus Landrake, shows up in her classroom. Marta is flustered as she finishes the lecture; stutters and goes into “absent-minded professor” mode. Class ends and she asks if she can help him. He asks, “don’t you recognize me, Marta?” Marta threatens to call Security after class.

AJ 3: Cyrus demands Marta make him the hero of her manuscript – or he will begin editing her life.

Act 2

PJ3: Marta laughs off Cyrus’ demand. She looks around for the whatever camera is punking her. He challenges her to pull up her book. She does – and Cyrus is no longer in it. She’s confused but doesn’t want to make him feel bad because she doesn’t believe him.

AJ 4: Cyrus shows up in the city, where he begins to edit Marta’s life. He edits her wedding plans with the venue and caterer. He cancels the

David returns, after winning big. He and Cyrus don’t like each other.

The dean watches Marta lecture and is unimpressed.

AJ 2: Cyrus challenges David, tries to edit him, too, but makes more trouble for Marta.

PJ 4: David makes an outrageous bet for a new wedding venue and loses big.

AJ 2: Andrew runs into the dean on campus; he says he hopes that no matter who gets the tenured position, he hopes his idea for the new English course, “Race, Riots, and Uprisings in 18^th Century Literature,” can still happen. The dean is confused. Didn’t Marta propose that class? Andrew says, yes, but that was because she beat him to the punch after he’d mentioned how much he was interested in the topic.

Turning point: While working on the book, Marta discovers a second character — a maid – has disappeared from her book completely. She storms into Andrew’s office to ask if he’s responsible.

AJ 3: Cyrus introduces Marta to “Rosie,” and they continue “editing” Marta’s life and wedding plans. Marta goes along with a new hairdo and new makeup when Rosie zeros in on Marta’s low self-esteem.

New plan: PJ 3: With new doo and makeup, Marta takes Cyrus and Rosie out on the town. She refuses to drink, no matter what they say, and she offers to “set them free” in the real world if they won’t go back into her book and leave her alone. She’ll write new characters, she says.

Marta’s publisher gives her an ultimatum: Deliver the book in a week or be sued. She panics, and now has major writer’s block. Cyrus offers to help – and gives her story lines for him as the hero.

AJ 4: Cyrus realizes David is addicted to gambling and is no good for Marta.

TP2/midpoint: David disappears. Marta can’t reach David via cell. Finally, she works on her book – and David has been written into the pages.

AJ 5 Deeper level: Andrew stops to talk to David, who’s waiting in Marta’s office. They talk about their friendly wager over the college basketball team and David mentions his recent big winnings. Andrew appeals to David’s ego and encourages him to win even bigger before he and Marta marry to give her the best wedding present ever.

AJ 6: After David leaves, Andrew opens Marta’s manuscript file and “adds” David to the manuscript to make it look like he’s been swept inside of it. He checks his watch and the time, Marta’s office before she gets back from class.

ACT 3

Rethink everything: PJ: Marta is terrified to edit anything with David. She’s now convinced – and Cyrus and Rosie encourage her – to believe that if she edits David back out of the book, she may delete David for good! Marta can’t take a chance that Cyrus and Rosie are lying.

Andrew reports her odd behavior to dean, ostensibly to get her help, but to further sabotage her. In his office is a picture of him as a college student; Cyrus is also in that group photo.

Still with David missing, Marta gives the final exams and essays. Her student-athlete aces the exam and essay again. But she notices some of the wording is exactly what Andrew said about Wuthering Heights. She’s now suspicious!

Rose says she’ll get David “out of the manuscript” if Marta will give her a bigger part and a love story with Cyrus.

New plan: Marta agrees to give Cyrus and Rosie whatever they want to get David back safely.

AJ: Cyrus and Rosie edit, edit, edit her: Hair, makeup, clothes, classroom lectures; the book; the upcoming wedding.

Marta softens toward Cyrus, and they try not to be attracted to each other, but are.

PJ: Marta agrees to make Cyrus the hero and she agrees to make Rosie a governess. She writes like crazy – but misses classes, doesn’t grade papers, and ignores calls from the dean. She’s a mess.

David returns, doesn’t like the “new Marta.”

The dean gives her a final warning.

Rosie comes up with a story of why David doesn’t remember being “in the book.”

David goes along with it to hide the fact that he gambled away and lost $35K.

AJ: Cyrus warns Marta about David’s compulsive gambling. She doesn’t believe him.

TP 3: Cyrus wants out of deception and confess to Marta, but Andrew blackmails over something during their college days to keep him quiet.

Cyrus and Rosie disappear.

Act 3 turning point: The dean calls Marta into his office. She’s fired as of right now, and Andrew is put on tenure track. She leaves the office, goes to her own office, and takes her laptop, and goes, tears streaming down her face. Andrew professes his sorrow and gives her a big hug.

ACT 4

PJ: In her pjs at home, Marta sends the book to her editor, now with Cyrus as the hero.

The publisher hates it. Wants the advance back.

PJ 3: David’s gambling getting worse.

TP 3: Marta contacts a new wedding venue and discovers David gambled away $35K that was for their wedding. She remains loyal to him, asks him what she did wrong for him to do that. She then realizes that he wasn’t in the book. He was in the casino!

Marta realizes she’s making excuses for David like she used to make excuses for her mother. She tosses the engagement ring at David, calls off the wedding, and kicks David out. No more co-dependent cycle.

Days later, Marta is out shopping and she sees a poster for an upcoming small-town play – with “Cyrus” in the lead.

Marta buys a ticket and goes to the play. She sits in the center, near the front. During one of the scenes, Marta waves at Cyrus. Cyrus flubs his lines.

Marta races backstage after the play ends – and discovers Rosie is part of the backstage crew. Rosie admits to her part in the deception. She and Cyrus come face to face.

Act 4 climax: Marta shows up unannounced at English Department meeting, where announcement to be made, re Andrew’s tenure. The dean calls security, but Marta tells the dean that Andrew hacked into her computer in a ruse to sabotage her effort to make tenure. The dean still thinks she’s nuts – then Cyrus arrives.

Andrew throws Cyrus under the bus, saying it was his idea. Cyrus admits to his part but counters that Andrew contacted him.

Marta texts on her cell and the student-athlete enters. Marta tells him to tell the dean what he told her after she confronted him with his final essay: Andrew had been writing his final papers to keep him on the basketball team.

The dean fires Andrew on the spot and offers Marta her job back.

Marta declines. Tells the dean that she sent the book to a new publisher – with Cyrus as the hero – and he loved it.

Resolution: Marta is at a book signing for her now-bestseller; the line goes out the door. The dean appears book in hand for her autograph. He begs her to reconsider returning to her professor role. She would be made a new endowed chair and given time each year to continue writing. Marta says she’ll think about it..

After he leaves, Marta begins autographing a book for the next person in line, asks for the name – and it’s Cyrus!

[Hope McPherson]

Hope McPherson’s New Outline Beats

Vision: To be a working, trusted screenwriter who supports herself by writing smart films that are produced and enjoyed, while also working on writing assignments for other industry professionals.

What I learned: Oh, gosh! I didn’t feel like I had many ideas for this outline, but once I began the front-to back >> back-to-front >> major turning points method, the ideas began to flow. I loved that method!

NOVEL REVOLT

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>ACT 1

PJ 1: Assistant Professor Marta avoids calls from her publisher as she helps a struggling student with his paper.

PJ 2: She and fellow faculty member, Assistant Professor Andrew Vanderburg, are called into the dean’s office, where the dean tells them that the college will be forced to let one of go soon while the other will be put on tenure track. It’s all based on their performance and how they connect with students.

In classrooms, Andrew is insightful and pompous; the female students (and at least one male student) swoon.

Marta’s lecture is dry and at least one student snores. She mentions, though, that some authors – like Mark Twain – had trouble getting their characters to do what they expected. The students roll their eyes.

She returns papers and the sleeping student aced it, much to her surprise.

Deeper layer (future reveal): Andrew hires old college buddy to help sabotage Marta’s chances at the faculty position. OR, we hear Andrew making a call but don’t know who he’s calling.

Marta avoids her publisher again, this time in front of her fiancé, David. She complains her characters seem to be doing their own thing in the pages. They aren’t doing what she wrote!

Deeper layer: Andrew gained access to Marta’s manuscript and made the changes. ??

Marta and David discuss wedding after semester ends; he wants to invite his poker buddies.

AJ 2/Inciting incident: Her book’s fictional antagonist, Cyrus Landrake, shows up in her classroom.

AJ 3: Cyrus demands Marta make him the hero of her manuscript.

Act 2

PJ3: Marta refuses Cyrus’ demand; doesn’t believe he’s who he says he is; thinks he’s from Drama Department.

AJ 4: Cyrus begins to edit Marta’s life – and her wedding plans with venue and caterer.

David returns, after winning big. He and Cyrus don’t like each other.

The dean watches Marta teach and is unimpressed.

AJ 2: Cyrus challenges David, tries to edit him, too, but makes more trouble for Marta.

PJ 4: David makes an outrageous bet for a new wedding venue, and loses big.

AJ 2: Andrew sabotages Marta to their dean, complaining she stole an idea for a new course from him.

Turning point: Marta discovers a second character — a maid – has disappeared from her book completely.

AJ 3: Cyrus introduces Marta to “Rosie,” and they continue “editing” Marta’s life and wedding plans.

New plan: PJ 3: Marta tries to outsmart Cyrus and Rosie by “setting them free” in the real world.

Marta’s publisher gives her an ultimatum: Deliver the book in a week or be sued – but now has major writer’s block.

AJ 4: Cyrus realizes David is addicted to gambling and is no good for Marta.

TP2/midpoint: David disappears.

Deeper level: Andrew encourages David to take his big winnings and bet even bigger; Andrew also “adds” David to the manuscript to make it look like he’s been swept inside of it.

ACT 3

Rethink everything: PJ: Marta is about to destroy her laptop to get rid of Cyrus, but he warns her that if she smashes the laptop and loses the book, she deletes David!

Marta now believes she can’t take a chance that he’s lying.

Andrew reports her odd behavior to dean, ostensibly to get her help, but to further sabotage her.

Marta gives the final exams and essays and her snoring athlete-student aces it again. She notices some of the wording is exactly like Andrew’s wording in his conference papers. She’s now suspicious!

Rose says she’ll get David “out of the manuscript” if Marta will give her a bigger part and a love story with Cyrus.

New plan: Marta agrees to give Cyrus and Rosie whatever he wants. She just wants David back safely.

AJ: Cyrus and Rosie edit, edit, edit her: Hair, makeup, clothes, classroom lectures; the book; the upcoming wedding.

Marta and Cyrus try not to be attracted to each other, but are.

PJ: Marta writes like crazy – missing classes, not grading papers, ignoring the dean. She’s a mess.

David returns, doesn’t like the “new Marta.”

The dean gives her a final warning.

Rosie comes up with a story of why David doesn’t remember being “in the book.”

David goes along with it to hide the fact that he gambling away and lost $35K.

AJ: Cyrus warns Marta about David’s compulsive gambling. She doesn’t believe him.

TP 3: Cyrus wants out of deception and confess to Marta, but Andrew blackmails over something during their college days to keep him quiet.

Cyrus and Rosie disappear.

Act 3 turning point: Marta is fired; Andrew is put on tenure track.

ACT 4

PJ: In her pjs at home, Marta sends the book to her editor, now with Cyrus as the hero.

The publisher hates it. Wants the advance back.

PJ 3: David’s gambling getting worse.

TP 3: Marta discovers David gambled away $35K for their wedding when she tries to book a food truck.

She breaks off the engagement and kicks David out, knowing it’s time to break the co-dependent cycle.

Days later, Marta sees a poster for an upcoming small-town play – with “Cyrus” in the lead.

Marta buys a ticket and goes to the play. They make eye contact during the play – and Cyrus flubs his lines.

Marta discovers Rosie is a ticket-taker. Rosie admits to her part in the deception.

Marta shows up at English Department meeting, where announcement to be made, re Andrew’s tenure. The dean calls security; Cyrus arrives.

Act 4 climax: Marta confronts Andrew about hacking into her computer; Andrew throws Cyrus under the bus, saying it was his idea. Their history is revealed.

Cyrus admits to his part but counters that Andrew was the college ring-leader for an essay scam years ago.

Marta calls in the athlete-student — who admits to paying for Andrew to write his final papers.

The dean fires Andrew on the spot and offers Marta her job back.

Marta declines. Tells the dean that she sent the book to a new publisher – with Cyrus as the hero – and he loved it.

Resolution: Marta is at a book signing. The dean is there, asking if she’ll consider coming to guest speak at the university the next year.

After he leaves, Marta begins autographing a book for the next person in line, asks for the name – and it’s Cyrus!

[Hope McPherson]

Hope McPherson’s deeper layer

Vision: To be a working, trusted screenwriter who supports herself by writing smart films that are produced and enjoyed, while also working on writing assignments for other industry professionals.

What I learned: I like the building blocks of constructing an outline and script. I find it freeing to approach the story this way – rather than hope for the best and whims of inspiration at just the right time.

Surface layer: Marta’s life is turned upside down when the antagonist of her book escapes the pages and begins editing her life the week before her wedding.

Deeper layer: Marta’s life IS a mess because she’s dealing with being raised by an alcoholic.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Major reveal: Cyrus, the manuscript’s antagonist, tells her about fiancé David’s betrayal and admits he’s an unemployed actor.

Influences surface story: Cyrus sees how Marta is living out co-dependency of her childhood.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Hints: Cyrus doesn’t always remember what “he” did in the manuscript. Assistant Professor Andrew Vanderburg knows things about Cyrus that he shouldn’t.

Changes reality: Marta really did need “editing” to become free from the co-dependency of her childhood.

Beginning: Marta has a bridezilla meltdown over a typo on the menu when she learns the English Department plans to let one of its young faculty members go soon.

Inciting incident: Her manuscript’s fictional antagonist, Cyrus Landrake, shows up in her office.

TP 1: Marta must save her wedding as Cyrus begins editing her life and changing wedding plans.

Act 2: Marta unable to rebook venue and caterer; stuck with subpar options as Cyrus threatens to put David into the book, if she doesn’t cooperate. Andrew sabotages Marta to their dean, lying about her work and dedication.

TP2/midpoint: Marta can’t find David and she’ finds him “in her manuscript.” Andrew gives David $10K, knowing he’ll disappear and gamble it away, and he “adds” David to the manuscript to make it look like he’s been swept inside of it. Rosie, from the manuscript, appears.

Act 3: Marta’s wedding plans implode and she’s fired.

TP 3: Cyrus wants out of deception, but is blackmailed by Andrew. Marta discovers truth about David’s gambling when he’s late for the wedding rehearsal.

Act 4 climax: Marta discovers the connection between Andrew, Cyrus, and Rosie.

Resolution: Marta calls off the wedding to break the cycle; the dean offers to rehire her, but she decides to become a full-time author. Cyrus admits that he’s falling for Marta.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope McPherson’s character structure

Vision: To be a working, trusted screenwriter who supports herself by writing smart films that are produced and enjoyed, while also working on writing assignments for other industry professionals.

What I learned: Thinking of these characters are people with their own agendas makes a world of difference. Our personal agendas rarely line up with other’s agendas and filling out these plot points really brought that home for these characters. And I don’t think I’ll ever want to skip this step for future screenplays!

Marta Jordan

Beginning: Marta has a bridezilla meltdown over a typo on the menu when she learns the English Department plans to let one of its young faculty members go soon.

Inciting incident: Her manuscript’s fictional antagonist, Cyrus Landrake, shows up in her office.

TP 1: Marta must save her wedding as Cyrus begins editing her life and changing wedding plans.

Act 2: Marta unable to rebook venue and caterer; stuck with subpar options as Cyrus threatens to put David into the book, if she doesn’t cooperate.

TP2/midpoint: Marta can’t find David and she’ finds him “in her manuscript.” Rosie, from the manuscript, appears.

Act 3: Marta’s wedding plans implode and she’s fired.

TP 3: Marta discovers truth about David’s gambling when he’s late for the wedding rehearsal.

Act 4 climax: Marta discovers the connection between Andrew, Cyrus, and Rosie.

Resolution: Marta calls off the wedding to break the cycle; the dean offers to rehire her, but she decides to become a full-time author.

Andrew Vanderburg (antagonist 1)

Beginning: Andrew learns one of the two assistant English professors will be let go.

Inciting incident: He has dinner with old college buddy, a struggling actor, offers him a job, playing the antagonist in Marta’s manuscript.

TP 1: Andrew accesses Marta’s manuscript, updates the character, Cyrus, to make him “disappear from page.

Act 2: Andrew sabotages Marta to their dean, lying about her work and dedication.

TP2/midpoint: Andrew gives David $10K, knowing he’ll disappear and gamble it away, and he “adds” David to the manuscript to make it look like he’s been swept inside of it.

Act 3: Andrew hires another actor to play “Rosie” and wreak more havoc on the wedding plans.

TP 3: Andrew blackmails Cyrus to continue with the deception.

Act 4 climax: Andrew frames Cyrus for the deception of Marta.

Resolution: Andrew discovers he got tenure.

Cyrus Landrake (antagonist 2)

Beginning: Cyrus’ off-, off-Broadway play closes and he returns home to lick his wounds.

Inciting incident: He has dinner with his old college roomie, Andrew, and agrees to play the part of Marta’s antagonist.

TP 1: He demands Marta make him the hero of her manuscript and cancels the wedding venue and caterers.

Act 2: He brings in another actor to play “Rosie,” and continues “editing” Marta’s life and wedding.

TP2/midpoint: He realizes David is addicted to gambling and that’s why he disappeared.

Act 3: He realizes he likes Marta and tries to convince her to break off her wedding.

TP 3: Cyrus wants out of deception, but is blackmailed by Andrew.

Act 4 climax: Cyrus admits to the deception and contacts the dean.

Resolution: He admits that he’s falling for Marta.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope McPherson’s supporting characters

Vision: To be a working, trusted screenwriter who supports herself by writing smart films that are produced and enjoyed, while also working on writing assignments for other industry professionals.

What I learned: Interesting way to give closer thought to who’s needed in a script and why as the protagonist goes on her journey. Also useful to consider how the antagonist will be interacting with them, as well.

Supporting characters: David Lancaster; Dean Curtis Elred; Krissy Lipkind

Background characters: students; florist; caterer, clergyman

Support 1:

Name: David Lancaster

Role: Marta’s fiancé

Main purpose: To show Marta is still living in the cycle of her parent’s addiction. And when Cyrus realizes that David is addicted to gambling, and he first tries to “edit” Marta’s fiancé choice because he’s conning her. Later, it’s because he’s falling in love with Marta himself.

Value: David shows Marta is still affected by her addicted parent and falling into the same pattern; breaking off her engagement at the last minute will be when she’s completing her character arc.

Support 2:

Name: Dean Curtis Elred

Role: The faculty member who decides which of the assistant professors will be hired and who’ll be fired: Marta or Andrew

Main purpose: Dean Elred, is the protag’s and antag’s boss. He determines who’s hired and who’s fired.

Value: Dean Elred creates and accelerates the tension between Marta and Andrew, as they both try to win him over and sabotage the other. He also knew Marta’s well-known mother, who Marta is trying to live up to.

Support 3:

Name: Krissy Lipkind

Role: Wedding planner

Main purpose: Keep the wedding pressure on Marta

Value: Cyrus aims much of his “editing” at choices Marta has already made with Krissy, which makes the tensions between the women and then also the fiancé escalate.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope McPherson’s character profiles 2

Vision: To be a working, trusted screenwriter who supports herself by writing smart films that are produced and enjoyed, while also working on writing assignments for other industry professionals.

What I learned: This is the time to make the big changes! I’ve made a change to the concept, changed the antagonist, and changed my protagonist’s name. In the past, these sorts of changes have happened much later, so the earlier steps made the necessity for these changes clear before I ever typed a scene.

NOVEL REVOLT

The High Concept: An English professor/aspiring author must prevent the villain of her manuscript from editing her life one week before her wedding.

Marta Jordan

(protagonist) Marta Jordan’s journey: From a perfectionist stymied by her own self-doubt to a woman who learns to accept imperfections in herself and others to achieve the important goals.

The Actor Attractors for this character: Marta, an English professor and author, needs to be right but has trouble making up her mind when it comes to the most important things. Yet her creativity is so strong that her fictional villain jumps off the pages and into real life.

First 6 parts of Marta’s profile:

· Role in the Story: A perfectionist, professor, and novelist, Marta is juggling writer’s block and last-minute wedding-planning disasters.

· Age range and Description: 30s, birdlike sharpness, nerdy

· Core Traits: professorial, take charge, creative

· Motivation: Marta wants to have the perfect wedding; she needs to accept that her imperfections don’t make her unlovable.

· Wound: Child of an alcoholic

· Likability: goes above and beyond for students when doesn’t have to
Relatability: stays up late to grade papers and makes her own wedding centerpieces to save money
Empathy: her wedding plans derail at the last minute

Second 5 parts of Marta’s profile:

· Character subtext: A professor/author whose famous parent was an alcoholic

· Character intrigue: She never finished her doctoral dissertation and must keep that secret.

· Flaw: In denial that mother’s alcoholism still impacting her.

· Values: Fame, intelligence, hard work, loyalty

· Character dilemma: Perfectionist who’s stymied by her imperfections.

Cyrus Landrake

(antagonist) Cyrus Landrake’s journey: A frustrated actor hired to trick Marta into believing he’s the villain in Marta’s novel.

The Actor Attractors for this character: Cyrus constantly edits his looks and mannerisms to be the best villain he can be.

First 6 parts of Cyrus’ profile:

· Role in the Story: Antagonist of Marta’s latest novel who blackmails Marta into making him the novel’s hero, but who’s really an actor hired to play a part and help ruin her career

· Age range and Description: 40s, European charming narcissist

· Core Traits: Charming, narcissist, brilliant

· Motivation: Cyrus wants to be a hero; he needs to save Marta.

· Wound: He is trying to ruin Marta’s career.

· Likability: he’s charming and gallant
Relatability: doesn’t understand news of the day
Empathy: He wants to be the hero, not the villain

Second 5 parts of Cyrus’ profile:

· Character subtext: Cyrus is falling in love with Marta, the woman he’s conning.

· Character intrigue: Cyrus is pretending to be the villain from the manuscript.

· Flaw: Vanity

· Values: creative, scheming, loyal

· Character dilemma: Cyrus was hired to trick Marta and help ruin her career.

Andrew Vanderburg

(main antagonist) Andrew Vanderburg journey: Assistant English professor competing with Marta for the lone tenured faculty position and who’ll stop at nothing to get it.

The Actor Attractors for this character: Andrew quotes Shakespeare; students adore him; he’s a narcissist who shapeshifts into whatever gives him the advantage.

First 6 parts of Andrew’s profile:

· Role in the Story: Marta’s colleague in English Department doing his best to eliminate Marta while coming out the good guy.

· Age range and Description: 40s, just the right amount of grey at the temples; just enough professorial rumples in clothing to be adorable.

· Core Traits: Charming, brilliant, scheming

· Motivation: Andrew wants that lone tenured faculty position.

· Wound: He’s lost other tenured faculty positions and this is his last shot.

· Likability: He works hard to help students, absent-minded professor
Relatability: absent-minded in a friendly way
Empathy: He’s been overlooked by other colleges

Second 5 parts of Andrew’s profile:

· Character subtext: Andrew hired Cyrus to con Marta and help ruin her career.

· Character intrigue: Andrew and Cyrus were college roommates.

· Flaw: Vanity

· Values: Fame, intelligence, competitive

Character dilemma: Andrew must keep his
connect with Cyrus secret.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope McPherson’s character profiles 1

Vision: To be a working, trusted screenwriter who supports herself by writing smart films that are produced and enjoyed, while also working on writing assignments for other industry professionals.

What I learned: By taking the earlier steps, the pieces are coming together. But I’m also seeing holes and a few ways I can go with the main characters – and this is the time and place to figure out which of those options is best!

NOVEL REVOLT

The High Concept: One week before her wedding, an author’s characters escape her book and insist on rewriting her life.

Shelby Jordan

(protagonist) Shelby Jordan’s journey: From a perfectionist stymied by her own self-doubt to a woman who learns to accept imperfections in herself and others to achieve the important goals.

The Actor Attractors for this character: Shelby, an English professor and author, needs to be right but has trouble making up her mind when it comes to the most important things. Yet her creativity is so strong that her fictional characters jump off the pages and into real life.

First 6 parts of Shelby’s profile:

· Role in the Story: A perfectionist, professor, and novelist, Shelby is juggling writer’s block and last-minute wedding-planning disasters.

· Age range and Description: 30s, birdlike sharpness, nerdy

· Core Traits: professorial, take charge, creative

· Motivation: Shelby wants to have the perfect wedding; she needs to accept that her imperfections don’t make her unlovable.

· Wound: Child of an alcoholic

· Likability: goes above and beyond for students when doesn’t have to
Relatability: stays up late to grade papers and makes her own wedding centerpieces to save money
Empathy: her wedding plans derail at the last minute

Cyrus Landrake

(antagonist) Cyrus Landrake’s journey: A frustrated villain in Shelby’s novel who longs to be a real human.

The Actor Attractors for this character: Cyrus constantly edits his looks and mannerisms to be the best villain he can be.

First 6 parts of Cyrus’ profile:

· Role in the Story: Scheming antagonist of Shelby’s latest novel who escapes the manuscript and blackmails Shelby into making him the novel’s hero

· Age range and Description: 40s, European charming narcissist

· Core Traits: Charming, narcissist, brilliant

· Motivation: Cyrus wants to be a hero; he needs to save Shelby.

· Wound: He is trying to ruin Shelby’s career.

· Likability: he’s charming and gallant
Relatability: doesn’t understand news of the day
Empathy: He wants to be the hero, not the villain

[Hope McPherson]

Hope McPherson’s likability/relatability/empathy

Vision: To be a working, trusted screenwriter who supports herself by writing smart films that are produced and enjoyed, while also working on writing assignments for other industry professionals.

What I learned: Giving thought to where and how these qualities can be part of both the protagonist and antagonist gives another level of possibilities to come.

Shelby Jordan

Likability

Takes her car to a student car wash on campus to help out the students’ fundraiser.

Tosses last of her sandwich to squirrels.

Relatability

Puts together table centerpieces for her upcoming wedding.

She stays up late to grade papers.

Empathy

Her fiancé goes missing.

Her wedding dress is ripped.

Cyrus Landrake

Likability

He’s charming and gallant to Shelby.

He warns her that Andrew isn’t who he seems to be.

Relatability

He doesn’t understand TV and newscasts.

Almost gets run over in traffic.

Empathy

He wants to be the hero of the story, not the villain.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope McPherson’s Subtext Characters

Vision: To be a working, trusted screenwriter who supports herself by writing smart films that are produced and enjoyed, while also working on writing assignments for other industry professionals.

What I learned: Each lesson brings me closer to seeing a story in the making – with layered characters. This assignment also confirmed to me that one big layer needs to be that the “fictional characters” aren’t fictional at all, but part of a plot against the protag by a fellow professor who wants her job.

Shelby Jordan

Role: English professor/author

Hidden agenda: Wants to be more famous that her famous mother.

Competition: Only one spot left for full-time faculty position at the university.

Secrets: She didn’t finish her doctoral dissertation and must keep that secret.

Unspoken wound: Her famous mother was a secretive, raging alcoholic.

How show up?

· Shelby has it all on the line to be a bigger success than her mother.

· She’s predisposed to believe Cyrus and Rose, because needs that spot on the faculty.

· She also needs a perfect wedding, because her mother’s cronies will be there.

· Campus politics will be out in force when she and the other professor square off. Shelby will correct the prof’s grammar in front of his students.

Cyrus Landrake

Role: Villain in Shelby’s manuscript

Hidden agenda: Become the hero of Shelby’s story.

Conspiracies: He’s plotting with the other professor for the full-time faculty position and to ruin Shelby.

Secret: He’s a human, not a character from her manuscript, and he falls in love with her.

Deception: Tricks Shelby into believing he’s the antagonist from her manuscript.

Secret identity: Out-of-work actor.

How show up?

· Cyrus convinces Shelby that he’s her creation, and that she can do better – by making him the hero.

· He goes after Andrew, when he discovers Andrew’s secrets.

· He edits her wedding by creating havoc in canceling venues, impersonating the cleric, etc.

Rose Quixley

Role: Cyrus’ sidekick; maid in the manuscript

Hidden agenda: Plot with Cyrus to get Shelby fired.

Deception: Pretends to be a character from the manuscript.

Secret identity: An actor.

How show up?

· She convinces Shelby that she’s her character from the manuscript and deserves a better role.

· She edits the wedding dress and caters’ menu.

· She and Cyrus work together to make sure Shelby looks crazy in front of the dean.

Andrew Jeffries

Role: Shelby’s fiancé.

Hidden agenda: Keep his gambling and debt secret from Shelby.

Secret: He’s a compulsive gambler.

Deception: He’s in massive debt.

How show up?

· He disappears and claims Cyrus threatened him.

· Money is missing and it looks like Cyrus and Rose are behind it, but it’s Andrew.

[Hope McPherson]

Vision: To be a working, trusted screenwriter who supports herself by writing smart films that are produced and enjoyed, while also working on writing assignments for other industry professionals.

What I learned: Empowerment or not, this one was tough because I haven’t written any scenes yet …

Shelby Jordan

1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?

Shelby, an English professor and author, will correct your grammar or pronunciation when talking to you – and she’s always right. But because she always wants to be right, she can have trouble making up her mind when it comes to the most important things.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?

Her creativity is so strong that her characters spill off the pages and into real life.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?

She takes on Cyrus to save her fiancé, Andrew, by writing herself into the story.

4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?

She’s in the middle of a bridezilla meltdown, explaining to an innocent freshman from her class why the flowers at the front of the chapel are supposed to have white roses and green mini hydrangeas not green roses and white hydrangeas.

5. What could be this character’s emotional range

Take charge, professorial, and strong on the outside, while also being fearful of looking imperfect and foolish.

6. What subtext can the actor play?

Shelby hides a major lack of self-confidence with busy-work and ideas that ultimately stop her cold.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?

She and Cyrus spar when he’s trying to take over, and she finally realizes her character, Rose, so carefree and a bit crass, is based on who she’s always wanted to be.

8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?

Shelby is really living in the wrong time and she’s not happy about it.

9. What could make this character special and unique?

She’s the epitome of an absent-minded professor.

Cyrus Landrake (antag)

1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?

Cyrus constantly edits his looks and mannerisms as he tries to be the best villain he can be.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?

He falls in love with himself as he tries out various villainous personas.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?

Cyrus’ vanity causes him to want to be at the center of the action. He strings Rose along in order to get her to comply with his plans to become the hero of Shelby’s novel. He tricks Andrew into stepping into the manuscript.

4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?

Cyrus refuses to abide by Shelby’s writing and he rewrites his story and convinces Rose to go along with him.

5. What could be this character’s emotional range

Cyrus is a charming narcissist, bouncing between courteous (when it suits him) to murderous (when it suits him).

6. What subtext can the actor play?

Cyrus wants to be real – and he knows he never can be.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?

He wants to somehow control his creator, Shelby, by manipulating her. Rose is devoted until she achieves what he can’t.

8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?

He’s fascinated with reality, and jealous of humans.

9. What could make this character special and unique?

???

[Hope McPherson]

Hope McPherson’s actor attractors for A NEW LEAF

Vision: To be a working, trusted screenwriter who supports herself by writing smart films that are produced and enjoyed, while also working on writing assignments for other industry professionals.

What I learned: Actor attractors can be subtle and they have to work together in some way to make a movie work.

Lead character name: Henry Graham (Walter Matthau)

Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?

This character, a snobby rich playboy, was completely in Mattahu’s wheelhouse. I suspect Elaine May, his co-star and writer/director of the movie, made sure this part was everything that he’d want to play – a man who, although once filthy rich, was aimless but by losing his wealth discovers a purpose he’d never have found if he hadn’t first lost everything.

What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?

Henry Graham goes from bored rich guy to a broke rich guy who’s out to manipulate everyone around him on his way to marrying – and murdering – for money.

What are the most interesting actions the lead takes in this movie?

Henry Graham, a pure hedonist, goes on a mission to find a rich wife that can be killed, so he has to continually lie and manipulate everyone around him.

How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?

A concerned Henry Graham is watching a surgery of a loved one; he’s scared and anxious that the surgery go well. When the camera pulls back from the tight close up, we see the “surgeon” is a mechanic and the “patient” is Henry’s ultra-expensive sports car – which breaks down constantly throughout the movie.

What is this character’s emotional range?

Bored, to suicidal, to hunting for an expendable rich wife, to managerial and concerned, to protective, and ultimately submissive when he saves his rich wife’s life and then agrees to become a professor like she is.

What subtext can the actor play?

Matthau’s character was always manipulating someone in this film, so he was rarely saying what he actually meant and always as manipulative as possible.

What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?

With his butler, who knows what’s going on and ultimately very much likes clumsy heiress Henrietta Lowell, and who tries in his own way to help her. With Henrietta Lowell, whose innocence and devotion gives Henry a new look into his own life.

How is this character’s unique voice presented?

Droll, snobbish, but ultimately much more qualified to take charge of a situation than even he expected.

What makes this character special and unique?

Born with a silver spoon in his mouth, Henry never had to lift a finger to do anything of merit, but once he decides to find someone to kill, he ultimately falls in love and discovers he does have “real-world” gifts/strengths.

Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor-Attractor model:

Henry’s and Henrietta’s (hilarious) wedding night when he fixes her Grecian-styled nightgown while explaining how their more intimate parts of their marriage will work.

Lead character name: Henrietta Lowell (Elaine May)

Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?

Elaine May wrote and directed this film, and it gave her a chance to play a brilliant, trusting innocent woman who had her own way to get what she wanted ultimately.

What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?

Henrietta is ultra wealthy and completely alone in the world. Everyone takes advantage of her: her lawyer, her housekeeper and servants, Henry Graham. But she’s ALSO a brilliant botany college professor at the top of her game.

What are the most interesting actions the lead takes in this movie?

With her own deep-seated insecurities (knowing she doesn’t fit into the usual social circles), Henrietta takes a chance on love, trusts Henry to run her household, shows him what it means to have a passion for something other than money, and ultimately in doing so saves her own life and has him fall in love with her.

How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?

Henrietta, clumsy and out of place, immediately idolizes Henry when she meets him and he sticks up for her when she’s being dressed down by their hostess.

What is this character’s emotional range?

Not huge, but she is trusting and brilliant in her career as a botanist.

What subtext can the actor play?

Henrietta is manipulative in her own ways. She soon has Henry running her estate and when she names a new plant after him, he realizes that he’s in love.

What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?

With Henry, with her dishonest housekeeper, and her underhanded lawyer.

How is this character’s unique voice presented?

She’s a nerd, filthy rich, but has a childlike trust in those around her. She’s also a brilliant botanist/college professor.

What makes this character special and unique?

Henrietta is an heiress who’s been isolated her whole life and never matured socially. But it’s her innocence that ultimately disarms Henry and causes him to protect her.

Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor-Attractor model:

In the final scene, Henrietta has been swept away in a roaring river. After Henry saves her (rather than let her die), she convinces him to take on the humble new role of being a professor like her, so they can some day grade papers together.

[Hope McPherson]

[WIM] Hope McPherson’s genre conventions

Vision: To be a working, trusted screenwriter who supports herself by writing smart films that are produced and enjoyed, while also working on writing assignments for other industry professionals.

What I learned: I loved adding in the comedic conventions and seeing the outline is beginning to take shape.

Title: A NOVEL REVOLT

Concept: One week before her wedding, an author’s characters escape her book and insist on rewriting her life.

Genre: Comedy

Comedic conventions:

Fish out of water (fiancé Andrew will end up in the manuscript; Cyrus and Rose will end up in the real world)

Incongruous purpose (Shelby will pair up with minor character, Rose, to save the day at the end)

Misinterpretation: Shelby won’t realize that her fictional characters are running the show.

Comedic surprise (the novel’s antagonist and a bit player, who’s in love with the antagonist escape the manuscript). Later, Shelby discovers that she and Rose are more alike than she’d like to admit.

Main conflict: Shelby must save her fiancé from her book’s characters when they suck him into her manuscript while also wreaking havoc her life just days before her wedding.

Old ways:

· Isolated from fiancé and friends due to writer’s block.

· Low self-worth (has her 7^th-grade bully in her head).

· Trouble dealing with emotions (even little things set her off).

· Trouble making decisions.

New ways:

· Accepts her own and others’ imperfections.

· Makes decisions and rolls with the results.

· Learns to laugh at herself (finds joy).

· Discovers inner courage to stand up for herself and current bully.

ACT 1

Opening: Shelby ignores calls from her publisher and her fiancé, but calls her maid of honor with an outrageous request. She writes and deletes and writes and deletes, but mostly stares at her laptop. Two characters in her novel complain under their breath; the antagonist, Cyrus, decides he’s not going to take it anymore.

Inciting incident: Shelby discovers her characters are suddenly doing their own thing in the pages. They aren’t doing what she wrote! Cyrus enlists Rose, the maid who’s in love with him, to go on the offensive and edit Shelby’s life, so they can take over.

Turning point: Two of her characters (the antagonist and a maid) disappear from the manuscript completely. Cyrus and Rose enter the real world – but are completely out of place, make glaring missteps, and assume anything and everything can be edited. Cyrus catches on first.

ACT 2

New plan: Shelby drags her fiancé along as she does last-minute wedding chores. She uses her tape recorder to record any/all bits of inspiration for her manuscript. Rose edits Shelby’s wedding dress and tries to convince her to write a love story between Cyrus and Rose.

Plan in action: Shelby discovers the wedding venue has burned to the ground; her wedding gown is ruined, and the caterer canceled and all that’s available is a hot dog food truck. Shelby believes Cyrus is the hot dog truck’s owner. Cyrus convinces Shelby’s publisher that Shelby is on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Her publisher gives her 24 hours to deliver the manuscript or find another publisher.

Midpoint turning point: When she listens to the recording, it’s not her voice. The manuscript’s antagonist, Cyrus, introduces himself — and it’s his voice on her tape recorder! Her fiancé has disappeared. Cyrus has typed Andrew into the manuscript.

ACT 3

Rethink everything: Shelby discovers her fiancé is now in her manuscript. Andrew thinks he’s dreaming; he and a fictional character or two have weird interactions. Rose says she’ll get Andrew out of the manuscript if Shelby will give her a bigger part and a love story with Cyrus.

New plan: She tries to write Andrew back out. In the manuscript, Andrew notices things only partially done; Shelby writes him a typewriter. Cyrus writes the officiant into the manuscript a day before the wedding. He and Andrew team up, but both think they’re dreaming. Cyrus convinces Rose to steal her laptop when Shelby won’t give Rose a larger part.

Turning point: (Huge failure/major shift) Shelby must save her fiancé from being deleted permanently when Cyrus throws her laptop into a roaring fire pit. As it gets hot, Andrew realizes it’s not a dream. Shelby offers to give Rose a bigger part in the “real world,” and offers to write her an even better match.

ACT 4

Climax/ultimate expression of the conflict: Shelby enlists Rosie’s help, and she writes herself into the manuscript and is sucked inside. Shelby finds Andrew and the officiant. Flames all around them. Shelby types Cyrus back into the manuscript. Now they are all there! Shelby must create fast — no time to settle for perfection! Cyrus tries to rewrite her as a baby, or a cat. But now with her newly written, more badass persona, Shelby saves Andrew and the two of them take on Cyrus and defeat him by rewriting him as a jackass.

Resolution: Before she returns to the real world, Shelby agrees to Andrew’s earlier idea of a quiet wedding in the countryside. She creates the officiant, brings back Rose as her maid of honor, and she and Andrew are married. She asks Rose how she’d feel as the protagonist of her next novel – one in which she falls in love with a handsome young cleric. Then she types Andrew and herself onto the page and right back home.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope McPherson’s 4-act transformational structure

Vision: To be a working, trusted screenwriter who su[[orts herself by writing smart films that are produced and enjoyed, while also working on writing assignments for other industry professionals.

What I learned: Filling in the blanks can make all the difference. Likewise, skipping and moving on is a truly freeing way to get things done.

Title: A NOVEL REVOLT

Concept: One week before her wedding, an author’s characters escape her book and insist on rewriting her life.

Main conflict: Shelby must save her fiancé from her book’s characters when they suck him into her manuscript while also wreaking havoc her life just days before her wedding.

Old ways:

· Isolated from fiancé and friends due to writer’s block.

· Low self-worth (has her 7^th-grade bully in her head).

· Trouble dealing with emotions (even little things set her off).

· Trouble making decisions.

New ways:

· Accepts her own and others’ imperfections.

· Makes decisions and rolls with the results.

· Learns to laugh at herself (finds joy).

· Discovers inner courage to stand up for herself and current bully.

Act 1

Opening: Shelby ignores calls from her publisher and her fiancé, but calls her maid of honor with an outrageous request. She writes and deletes and writes and deletes, but mostly stares at her laptop.

Inciting incident: Shelby discovers her characters are suddenly doing their own thing in the pages. They aren’t doing what she wrote!

Turning point: Two of her characters (the antagonist and a maid) disappear from the manuscript completely.

Act 2

New plan: Shelby drags her fiancé along as she does last-minute wedding chores. She uses her tape recorder to record any/all bits of inspiration for her manuscript.

Plan in action: Shelby discovers the wedding venue has burned to the ground; someone has altered her dress , and the caterer canceled and all that’s available is a hot dog food truck. Her publisher tracks her down and gives her 24 hours to deliver the manuscript or find another publisher.

Midpoint turning point: When she listens to the recording, it’s not her voice. The manuscript’s antagonist, Cyrus, introduces himself – and it’s his voice on her tape recorder! Her fiancé has disappeared.

Act 3

Rethink everything: Shelby discovers her fiancé is now in her manuscript.

New plan: She tries to write him back out, but Cyrus steals her laptop.

Turning point: (Huge failure/major shift) Shelby must save her fiancé from being deleted permanently when Cyrus throws her laptop into a roaring fire pit.

Act 4

Climax/ultimate expression of the conflict: Shelby enlists Rosie’s help, and she writes herself into the manuscript and is sucked inside.

Resolution: Now with her newly written, more badass persona, Shelby saves Andrew and the two of them take on Cyrus and defeat him.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope McPherson’s subtext plot

Vision: To be a working, trusted screenwriter who supports herself by writing smart films that are produced and enjoyed, while also working on writing assignments for other industry professionals.

What I learned: Making deliberate choices about subplots is a good way to begin priming the pump for the future scenes.

Concept: One week before her wedding, an author’s characters escape her book and insist on rewriting her life.

More than two subtext plots could be used here. The fictional characters will spend time as “fish out of water,” but so will the fiancé, once he’s pulled into the novel. And the book’s fictional characters will hide who they are for a while, as well. Nonetheless, the two I’ll focus on are these:

Competing agendas

· Protag and perfectionist, Shelby, finds her world out of control a week before her wedding. Her agenda is to subdue the chaos and have a perfect wedding.

· But the antagonist from her book, Cyrus Landrake – once in the real world – first pours on the charm to convince her to make him the hero of the book.

· When she refuses, he teams up with another of the book’s characters, Rose Quixley, to create havoc with Shelby’s wedding plans by editing Shelby’s choices and life (i.e., canceling the venue; altering the wedding gown, cutting her hair, etc.).

· But soon Rose falls for Andrew, Shelby’s fiancé. She now wants Shelby out of the picture, so she can become the heroine of her own story.

· When Shelby fights back, they arrange for the fiancé, Andrew Jeffries, to be sucked into the book.

Superior position

· Shelby won’t realize until act 2 that Cyrus and Rose are characters from her book. The viewers will. Once she does put the pieces together, the fictional duo will have sucked Andrew into the book.

· Andrew, who’s not read the novel, won’t realize where he is, but will at first believe he’s dreaming.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope McPherson’s transformational journey

Vision: To be a working, trusted screenwriter who supports herself by writing smart films that are produced and enjoyed, while also working on writing assignments for other industry professionals.

What I learned: Taking the steps and filling in the blanks had me discover the first layers of my protagonist. As I’m considering her journey, glimpses of future scenes are beginning to come to mind.

Title: A NOVEL REVOLT

Concept: One week before her wedding, an author’s characters escape her book and insist on rewriting her life.

Protagonist: Shelby Jordan

Arc beginning: Shelby’s perfectionism has stopped her cold.

Arc ending: Shelby can move forward with her career and her life, accepting her own imperfections as strengths.

Her internal journey: From unproductive and scared to confident and daring.

Her external journey: From failed novelist/bridezilla to creative and kickass.

Old ways:

· Isolated from fiancé and friends due to writer’s block.

· Low self-worth (has her 7th grade bully in her head).

· Trouble dealing with emotions (even little things set her off).

· Trouble making decisions.

New ways:

· Accepts her own and others’ imperfections.

· Makes decisions and rolls with the results.

· Learns to laugh at herself (finds joy).

· Discovers inner courage to stand up for herself and current bully.

[Hope McPherson]

WIM Hope McPherson’s Intentional Lead Characters

Vision: To be a working, trusted screenwriter who su[[orts herself by writing smart films that are produced and enjoyed, while also working on writing assignments for other industry professionals.

What I learned: I have a long way to go, but this was a fun first nibble of the whole.

Title: A NOVEL REVOLT

Concept: One week before her wedding, an author’s characters escape her book and insist on rewriting her life.

(protagonist) Shelby Jordan is a perfectionist, best-selling novelist who’s juggling writer’s block and last-minute wedding-planning disasters.

Unique: Her perfectionism has stopped her cold this time.

(antagonist) Cyrus Landrake is the scheming antagonist of Shelby’s latest novel who escapes the manuscript and blackmails Shelby into making him the novel’s hero.

Unique: He falls in love with Shelby.

(third side of the triangle) Rose Quixley, a maid in Shelby’s novel, is in love with Cyrus, escapes the manuscript, and “helps” Shelby by editing Shelby’s life and wedding plans to prove she deserves a bigger part in the novel.

Unique: Rose’s edits become problematic when she falls in love with Andrew, Shelby’s fiancé.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope McPherson’s title, concept, and character structure

Vision: To be a working, trusted screenwriter who supports herself by writing smart films that are produced and enjoyed, while also working on a host of paid writing assignments for other industry professionals.

What I learned from this lesson: That this script could go either way at this early point – romantic triangle or dramatic triangle. That makes the upcoming outlining lessons super important and I explore the possibilities.

Title: A NOVEL REVOLT

Concept: One week before her wedding, an author’s characters escape her book and insist on rewriting her life.

Character structure: Romantic triangle (75% sure)

[Hope McPherson]

Hi everyone.

I’m Hope McPherson and, like a few other fellow SU alums, this will be another of several SU courses I’ve taken (e.g., ProSeries40, MSC8, and Binge-Worthy 4).

I’ve written several scripts, although two features and a pilot are the ones for which I’m still trying to find homes.

<font face=”inherit”>Every SU course I’ve taken has been terrific, and in addition to writing a new spec script, I’m hoping to expand and deepen my skills. It’s happened with each of the other courses I’ve taken, so I’m </font>optimistic<font face=”inherit”> it will happen again. I’m also looking forward to connect with new SUers and those I’ve had the pleasure of interacting with before in other classes and on FB.</font>

I’m a fairly boring person in general, but I do have a small (beautiful now in the spring!) Pacific Northwest farm, with a few goofy goats and a haughty llama.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope McPherson

“I agree to the terms of this release form”:

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of Writing Incredible Movies, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, through social media, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, videos, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Hope McPherson]

QE #6 – REWRITE

Logline: Home-improvement projects get sidetracked with Marcus wants to make strudel and Carley has her own woodworking project in mind.

Essence: All sorts of creativity happens in the kitchen.

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

The kitchen is filled with signs of baking. A sheet pan is on the counter. Nearby sits a bowl of perfectly diced apples, combined with golden raisins and glistening with cinnamon and sugar.

MARCUS, 40s, carefully layers thin sheets of phyllo onto parchment paper. Against all odds, his black T-shirt is still flour-free.

He carefully places another impossibly fragile sheet onto another.

MARCUS

Easy, now. You don’t want to rip the phyllo.

He gently smooths the pile of sheets in front of him.

MARCUS (cont.)

Seven, you want seven layers.

He glances over his shoulder at CARLEY (30s), who’s sitting on the countertop behind him. She stifles a yawn.

CARLEY

This is boring! Who does this anymore?

She hops off the counter. She picks up an unopened envelope on the counter from the power company, flips it over, examining it. FINAL NOTICE is emblazed on the front.

CARLEY

Oh, don’t forget this one. They look serious.

Irritated, Marcus runs his hand over the sheet of phyllo, rips it.

MARCUS

Damn it, Carley! What are you doing here, anyway? It’s late.

CARLEY

Your lights were still on. I just came over to borrow your REI sleeping bag, Markie, not for a baking lesson.

MARCUS

Sorry for cussing. I’m in the middle of the most delicate of part of my baking. Timing is everything.

Carley rolls her head back, gags.

CARLEY (cont.)

I. Just. Need. The. Damn. Sleeping. BAG. Can’t I get it from your garage? It’s with your camping stuff, right?

Marcus sighs. Picks up another sheet.

MARCUS

You. Just. Need. To. Wait.

Carley fumes, paces the kitchen.

MARCUS

What do you need the sleeping bag for now, anyway? It’s nearly midnight.

CARLEY

I’m working on a project.

Marcus picks up the apple concoction.

MARCUS

Another project? With a sleeping bag? Please tell me this won’t involve a knife or fire.

CARLEY

Shut up. Does your Martha Stewart strudel routine help with your nightm—

CRASH! Marcus drops the bowl. Apple bits hit the counter, some land on the floor.

Carley grabs a wad of nearby paper towels and dives to clean up the gushy mess on the floor.

MARCUS

Crap. Your top! And my strudel (beat) You have apple on your shirt.

Carley stands. The paper towel in her hand holds the apple filling from the floor.

She glances down at apple clinging to her scoop-neck top. A few pieces landed on her collar bone. She scrunches her mouth, narrows her eyes.

She slowly, deliberately wipes the apple bits from the paper towel onto Marcus’ black T-shirt.

CARLEY

I. Just. Need. The. Damn. Sleeping. Bag.

Marcus stops her hand, holds it tight. She yanks it back.

MARCUS

Sorry. You. Need. To. Wait.

They glare at each other, standing close.

CARLEY

(quietly)

For … ?

Marcus raises an eyebrow.

MARCUS

(quietly)

Let’s get it together.

[Hope McPherson]

QE #6 – first draft

Logline: Home-improvement projects get sidetracked when Marcus wants to make strudel and Carley needs to borrow a power tool.

Essence: All sorts of creativity happens in the kitchen.

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

The kitchen is filled with signs of baking. A sheet pan is on the counter. Nearby sits a bowl of perfectly diced apples, combined with golden raisins and glistening with cinnamon and sugar.

MARCUS, 40s, carefully layers thin sheets of phyllo onto parchment paper. Against all odds, his black T-shirt is still flour-free.

He carefully places another impossibly fragile sheet of dough onto another.

MARCUS

Easy, easy. You don’t want to rip the sheets.

He gently smooths the pile of sheets in front of him.

MARCUS (cont.)

Seven, you want seven layers.

He glances over his shoulder at CARLEY (30s), who’s sitting on the countertop behind him. She stifles a yawn.

CARLEY

This is boring! Who does this anymore?

She hops off the counter.

Irritated, Marcus runs his hand over the sheet of phyllo, rips it.

MARCUS

Damn! What are you doing here, anyway? It’s late.

CARLEY

And your lights were still on. I just came over to borrow your drill, Markie, not for a baking lesson.

MARCUS

Tough beans. I’m in the middle of the most delicate of operations. I’m sorry, but the drill can wait.

Carley rolls her head back, gags.

CARLEY (cont.)

I. Just. Need. The. Damn. Drill. Can’t I get it from your garage?

Marcus sighs. Picks up another sheet.

MARCUS

You. Just. Need. To. Wait.

Carley paces the kitchen.

MARCUS

What do you need the drill for anyway? It’s nearly midnight.

CARLEY

I’m working on a project.

Marcus picks up the apple concoction.

MARCUS

Another project? What’s it this time? Another birdhouse? Flower box? Go cart?

CARLEY

Shut up. Does your Martha Stewart routine help with your nightm—

CRASH! Marcus drops the bowl. Apple hits the counter, some land on the floor.

Carley grabs a wad of nearby paper towels and dives to clean up the gushy mess on the floor.

MARCUS

Crap. Now look at my strudel … And you have apple on your shirt.

Carley stands. The paper towel in her hand holds the apple from the floor. She glances at apple clinging to her scoop-neck top. A few pieces landed on her collar bone. She scrunches her mouth, narrows her eyes.

She carefully wipes the apple bits from the paper towel onto Marcus’ black T-shirt.

CARLEY

Oh, my. You do too.

They glare at each other.

CARLEY (cont.)

I. Just. Need. The. Damn. Drill.

Marcus reaches for the paper towel in her hand. She yanks it back.

MARCUS

Sorry. You. Need. To. Wait.

They glare at each other, standing closer still.

CARLEY

(quietly)

For … ?

Marcus raises an eyebrow.

MARCUS

(quietly)

Do I really need to say it?

[Hope McPherson]

REWRITTEN QE Cycle #5

Logline: After a deadly car accident, Philip talks to the police, including to an officer to whom he has close ties.

Essence: Hell hath no fury like a cuckolded husband.

EXT. DESERTED ROADSIDE – NIGHT

Two cars – a Chevy sitting on its roof and a Volvo, dented but upright – hiss and groan, motionless on the side of the highway. The driver’s side door of the still upright car opens. PHILIP (30s) climbs out, leans against the hood, dazed.

He staggers around to the other side of the car, wrenches open the door. BRANDY (30s) unbuckles her seatbelt.

PHILIP

You okay?

Brandy nods and climbs out of the passenger’s seat.

PHILIP

I’ll be right back.

Philip makes his way to the other car. Its driver, a middle-aged man, hangs upside-down and lifeless – a small bullet hole in his temple. Sirens scream in the distance.

EXT. POLICE CRUISER – CONTINUING

OFFICER BESS TOMAS has the peddle to the metal, speeding to the accident in the distance. Her partner, OFFICER DAVE HADLEY, points toward the cars.

DAVE

There they—

A FIREBALL lights up the dark night in swirling yellow and orange. A second later, the BOOM and SHOCKWAVE hit their cruiser. Bess slams on the brakes. The car pitches to a halt just out of range of engulfed vehicle. She and Officer Hadley jump out of their car and run toward the fiery tangle.

EXT. DESERTED ROADSIDE – LATER

EMERGENCY VEHICLES line the road. Philip and Brandy sit on the back of separate AID CARS. Both have blankets over their shoulders. EMTs expertly check them out as Officer Bess Tomas questions Philip and Officer Dave Hadley questions Brandy. The cops each hold notepads and pens, jotting down replies.

PHILIP

Brandy wanted to stay. Loves karaoke. It was my idea to leave.

Bess steps aside for the EMT, who shines a light into each of Philip’s pupils.

BESS

How much did you drink tonight, Sir?

PHILIP

One glass of …

BESS

Wine?

PHILIP

Champagne.

Bess catches her breath.

BESS

Celebrating something?

PHILIP

My wife was celebrating a promotion.

Bess’ eyes narrow.

BESS

Did you know the occupant of the other vehicle?

Philip shrugs. The EMT finishes his exam.

PHILIP

Not really. Poor bastard.

EMT

Sir, call your physician tomorrow. You were lucky, but they may want to run more tests.

PHILIP

Thanks very much, Sir. I’ll do that. So I’m cleared to drive?

The EMT nods.

BESS

The passenger’s side’s a mess, but Volvo’s are tanks. It’ll get you home.

The EMT leaves. Bess sits beside Philip, leans close.

BESS

You’re married?!

PHILIP

Babe, I should have told you. I’m sorry.

BESS

This was a hell of the way to find out.

PHILIP

It’s been over for a long time between us. You make me feel alive!

Bess can’t break her eyes from his.

PHILIP (cont.)

I wouldn’t be surprised if the promotion was the excuse Brandy’s been waiting for to kick me to the curb. (beat) You’ve done a breathalyzer on her, too, right?

BESS

You said you only had one glass of champagne.

PHILIP

That’s all I had. I lost count of her chasers.

Bess scribbles a note. Philip watches as firefighters extract the charred body from the crisped Chevy.

BESS

What did you mean by “Not really” when I asked if you knew him?

PHILIP

I saw him before the crash.

Bess listens, pen poised over notepad.

PHILIP

He’d been hitting on Brandy at the club.

BESS

What did you do when he was hitting on your wife? Damn it! You’ve been married this whole time?

PHILIP

She encouraged him! I used to get embarrassed. Not anymore.

BESS

He obviously left the club at the same time. You weren’t planning a threesome, were you?

PHILIP

God, no. Brandy and I haven’t had sex in months. Between her temper and her all-consuming job.

BESS

Her temper?

Philip glances over at his wife, who’s got her hand on the arm of the EMT examining her. She’s smiling coyly at the hunky medic.

PHILIP

The guy said something that pissed her off. Hell, he probably declined her, er, generous offer. I finally convinced her to leave. Wasn’t in the mood to spend another evening apologizing to the staff and other customers for the tantrum I knew was coming.

BESS

And you let her drive?

PHILIP

I’m not sure I’ll can forgive myself for that. I should have insisted. But she can be a–

BESS

–Bitch?

PHILIP

Tidal wave. That guy had no idea …

BESS

About what?

Bess and Philip glance over at Brandy. The EMT has packed up. Smiling, she’s lighting a cigarette.

PHILIP

That she has a gun under her front seat.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope McPherson’s QE Cycle #5

Logline: After a deadly car accident, Philip talks to the police, including to an officer to whom he has close ties.

Essence: Hell hath no fury like a cuckolded husband.

EXT. DESERTED ROADSIDE – NIGHT

Two cars – a Chevy sitting on its roof and a Volvo, dented but upright – hiss and groan, motionless on the side of the highway. The driver’s side door of the still upright car opens. PHILIP (30s) climbs out, leans against the hood, dazed.

He staggers around to the other side of the car, wrenches open the door. BRANDY (30s) unbuckles her seatbelt.

PHILIP

You okay?

Brandy nods and climbs out of the passenger’s seat.

PHILIP

I’ll be right back.

Philip makes his way to the other car. Its driver, a middle-aged man, hangs upside-down and lifeless – a small bullet hole in his temple. Sirens scream in the distance.

EXT. POLICE CRUISER – CONTINUING

OFFICER BESS TOMAS has the peddle to the metal, speeding to the accident in the distance. Her partner, OFFICER DAVE HADLEY, points toward the cars.

DAVE

There they—

The dark night lights up in a bright yellow and orange FIREBALL. A second later, the BOOM and SHOCKWAVE hit their cruiser. Bess slams on the brakes and the car pitches to a halt just out of range of engulfed vehicle. She and Officer Hadley jump out of their car and run toward the fiery tangle.

EXT. DESERTED ROADSIDE – LATER

EMERGENCY VEHICLES line the road. Philip and Brandy sit on the back of separate AID CARS. Both have blankets over their shoulders. EMTs expertly check them out as Officer Bess Tomas questions Philip and Officer Dave Hadley questions Brandy. The cops each hold notepads and pens, jotting down replies.

PHILIP

Brandy wanted to stay. Loves karaoke. It was my idea to leave.

Bess steps to the side for the EMT who shines a light at each of Philip’s pupils.

BESS

How much did you drink tonight, Sir?

PHILIP

One glass of …

BESS

Wine?

PHILIP

Champagne.

Bess catches her breath.

BESS

Celebrating something?

PHILIP

My wife was celebrating a promotion.

Bess’ eyes narrow.

BESS

Did you know the occupant of the other vehicle?

Philip shrugs. The EMT finishes his exam.

PHILIP

Not really. Poor bastard.

EMT

Sir, call your physician tomorrow. They may want to run more tests. But you were lucky.

PHILIP

Thanks very much, Sir. I’ll do that. So I’m cleared to drive?

The EMT nods.

BESS

The passenger’s side’s a mess, but Volvo’s are tanks. It’ll get you home.

The EMT leaves. Bess sits beside Philip, leans close.

BESS

You’re married?!

PHILIP

Babe, I should have told you. I’m sorry.

BESS

This was a hell of the way to find out.

PHILIP

It’s been over for a long time between us. I wouldn’t be surprised if the promotion was the excuse Brandy’s been waiting for to kick me to the curb. You’ve done a breathalyzer on her, too, right?

BESS

You said you only had one glass of champagne.

PHILIP

That’s all I had. I lost count of her chasers.

Bess scribbles a note. Philip watches as firefighters extract the charred body from the crisped Chevy.

BESS

What did you mean by “Not really” when I asked if you knew him?

PHILIP

I did see him before the crash.

Bess listens, pen poised over notepad.

PHILIP

He’d been hitting on Brandy at the club.

BESS

What did you do when he was hitting on … your wife. Damn it, you’ve been married this whole time?

PHILIP

She encouraged him! I used to get embarrassed. Not anymore.

BESS

He obviously left at the same time. You weren’t planning a threesome, were you?

PHILIP

God, no. Brandy and I haven’t had sex in months. Between her temper and her all-consuming job.

BESS

Her temper?

Philip glances over at his wife, who’s got her hand on the arm of the EMT examining her. She’s smiling coyly at the hunky medic.

PHILIP

The guy said something that pissed her off. Hell, he probably declined her, er, generous offer. I finally convinced her to leave. Wasn’t in the mood to spend another evening out apologizing to the staff and other customers for the tantrum I knew was coming.

BESS

And you let her drive?

PHILIP

I’m not sure I’ll can forgive myself for that. I should have insisted. But she can be a …

BESS

Bitch?

PHILIP

Tidal wave. That guy had no idea …

BESS

About what?

PHILIP

That she has a gun under her front seat.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope McPherson’s Interest Scene

What I learned: I’ve never built a scene this way and I LOVED THIS. I’m totally going back through my current spec script in process to do this with the scenes.

Logline: Professor Eleanor Mofit’s colleague Professor Regis Slurpee threatens to end her career, but Professor Mofit has uncovered a secret that turns the tables on her colleague.

2. STRUCTURAL ITs:

Suspense: Professor Mofit buys a gun off the street.

Major twist: Mofit discovers Prof. Slurpee was accused of sexual harassment in a previous position.

Surprise: Mofit hires a college football player to beat up Slurpee.

Put in more interesting setting: Mofit and Slurpee are on an Artic expedition.

Mislead/reveal: Mofit agrees to apologize to Slurpee at a conference, but instead brings out the women he was accused of harassing.

Superior position/irony: Slurpee thinks he’s won, but we know Mofit has the name of one of his accusers and is calling her.

Uncertainty: Mofit is called out of her classroom by the provost’s office (fear); but she’s asked to speak to a detective about what she learned. (hope)

Intrigue: Slurpee inspects Mofit’s office while she’s in class, measuring for drapes.

Mystery: Mofit receives an unsigned letter under her office door.

Cliffhanger: Mofit is fired.

Dilemma: Mofit must resign or be disgraced and never work in academia again.

CHARACTER ITs:

Character changes radically: Mofit becomes a sports broadcaster.

Betrayal: Slurpee’s wife turns on him.

Dilemma: Slurpee must leave his wife or his appointment as dean of the school.

Uncomfortable moment: Mofit is embarrassed at the conference when Slurpee accuses her a plagiarism on her dissertation.

Misinterpretation: When Mofit sees the detectives in the provost’s office, she bursts into tears (or runs to get the evidence she uncovered).

DIALOGUE ITs:

Hook: Mofit admits that she plagerized.

Predictions: Mofit says bringing Slurpee down will be the last thing she does before taking over his department.

Creating a future: The conference is in 48 hours.

Anticipatory dialogue: Slurpee tells his wife that he’s ending Mofit’s career at the conference.

INT. PROFESSOR’S OFFICE – DAY

In a small office with walls lined with bookcases, PROFESSOR ELEANOR MOFIT sits at her desk, bent over a pile of essays. Red pen in hand, she slashes and burns as she reads.

She’s alone, the office door closed, the only sound is from papers rustling. She writes C- in a flourish at the top of an essay, drops it into another pile, grabs another essay.

A white envelope is slipped under the door. Eleanor sees it. She stands and opens the door. Leaning on the doorframe, she looks left and right. The hallway is empty.

She bends down, picks up the envelope, and returns to her desk. She flips the envelope over: No writing anywhere.

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.

The door is flung open. PROFESSOR REGIS SLURPEE leans in, grinning.

REGIS

So we’re agreed: You apologize in person to me at the Shakespearean Modes and Methods Conference on Friday night?

ELEANOR

I remember the deal, Dr. Slurpee. I apologize publicly—

REGIS

(gleeful)

Or be fired publicly. So much for your quaint position as an English professor!

ELEANOR

I’ll be there.

REGIS

(smirks)

Make the apology a good one. Of course, you can simply resign now. Saves me … everyone … time, after all.

Regis grins, shuts the door, and is gone.

ELEANOR

Oh, it’ll be good.

Eleanor’s turn to smirk. Still holding the letter in one hand, she pulls open a desk drawer with the other, reaches in, and pulls out a black revolver.

RAP, RAP, RAP.

DEAN FIDDLE (O.S.)

Dr. Mofit, it’s me, Dean William Fiddle, and, er, a law enforcement professional. May we have a moment of your time?

Eleanor closes the drawer on the gun. She stands, plasters a benign smile on her face, and opens the door.

Her academic dean, Dr. Will Fiddle, and a humorless police detective, fill the hallway.

ELEANOR

Dean Fiddle and … how can I help you?

DEAN FIDDLE

This gentleman is a detective and he–

DET. SMITH

Dr. Mofit, I’m Detective Smith. I have some questions about one of your colleagues –

He stares down at a little notepad.

DET. SMITH

— a Regis Slurpee.

DEAN FIDDLE

Dr. Slurpee? He’s my most popular Econ professors. Students love him!

The detective stops, glares at the dean.

DET. SMITH

Thank you for your help, Dean Fiddle. I’ll take it from here.

The detective stares till the college administrator squirms.

DEAN FIDDLE

Yes, of course. Of course. Dr. Mofit, I’ll be in my office if you need anything.

DET. SMITH

Good day, Dr. Fiddle.

Eleanor motions in the detective, who takes up most of her tiny office. His eyes take in the mess of books lining the bookshelves and stacks of half-graded essays on her desk.

She shuts the door, she maneuvers around the detective to stand between him and the drawer with the gun and still unopened note, now laying atop the essays. She stands, leaning against the desk.

ELEANOR

How can I help you, Detective Smith?

DET. SMITH

Have you noticed anything suspicious about your colleague, Regis Slurpee, Miss Mofit?

ELEANOR

Dr. Mofit.

DET. SMITH

Right. Dr. Mofit, have you noticed anything suspicious about him?

ELEANOR

Other than his new Tesla? On a professor’s salary?

The detective flips a few pages in his notebook, searching.

DET. SMITH

Yes, in addition to the Tesla.

ELEANOR

No, not really. His office is on the other side of campus. I don’t see him often.

DET. SMITH

You haven’t heard from any female students about Slurpee?

ELEANOR

Why would I?

DET. SMITH

Perhaps in anonymous notes? Like the one on your desk behind you?

ELEANOR

What?!

She looks behind her at the innocuous white envelope.

DET. SMITH

We have reason to believe that Prof. Slurpee is …

INT. OFFICE – LATER

Eleanor now sits at her desk. Detective Smith leans against a bookcase. He’s holding the white note and envelope.

DET. SMITH

Thank you, Dr. Mofit. I’ll take this with me.

He pushes away from the shelving. Eleanor stands, takes hold of the office door handle.

ELEANOR

I’m happy to–

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.

Eleanor swings open the door.

Dean Fiddle is back, along with Dr. Regis Slurpee, who looks like he just swallowed a canary.

REGIS
(gleeful)

This just couldn’t wait after all, Eleanor.

DEAN FIDDLE

Dr. Mofit, I’m afraid it’s been brought to my attention that our previous concerns were even worse. Plagiarism, Dr. Mofit. Plagiarism. This is very serious indeed. Oh, Detective Smith, I’m glad you’re still here. Would you be willing to escort Dr. Mofit from the premises? Dr. Mofit, you’re fired.

ELEANOR

I’m glad Detective Smith is here, too, Dean Fiddle. (to Regis) Regis, you’re an S-O-B and a prick.

DEAN FIDDLE

Dr. Mofit!

DET. SMITH

Dean Fiddle, I will be escorting one of your professors off the premises. But it won’t be Mofit.

He holds up the note and pulls another handful from his pocket.

DET. SMITH

Dr. Slurpee, you are under arrest for trading grades for sexual favors.

Dr. Mofit smiles.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope McPherson’s Reveals

What I learned: Asking the questions posed in the assignment had me come up with a nice, long list of things to include from this scene forward, revealing more and more about the plot to cheat the protagonist out of her farm and money. Just asking those questions set me up to add a lot of depth as I work on my next draft of this new spec script. I had the character traits in front of me as I wrote – ALSO a huge help and difference maker.

INT. FARMHOUSE LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Charlie rifles through an old roll-top desk in the corner. Papers, receipts, and notes that were tidy, now get the Charlie touch – some landing on the ground, others shoved aside.

She looks at papers, turns them this way and that, dismisses them. Finds a few old photos, but doesn’t have time to look at them.

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.

Charlie heads to the door, swings it open —

Lois Piper stands on the front stoop.

CHARLIE

Mom!

Lois is dressed to the nines in a fluffy winter coat. Her hair and makeup are more “night on the town” than “down on the farm.” But her attire has seen better days – edges scuffed and tattered.

She swoops into the house, rolling an expensive suitcase, its corners frayed, past Charlie. She does a 360 turns, taking in the living room.

LOIS

I knew it! No Christmas tree.

CHARLIE

You’re not in New York.

LOIS

Obviously. Everyone who’s anyone is leaving for the holidays anyway. And I wanted to see this farm you inherited.

CHARLIE

I’m just going through–

LOIS

Not much to look at, is it? Oh, well. It’ll do.

CHARLIE

It’ll do?

LOIS

Well, this backwoods town won’t have anything more than a fleabag motel. You can’t expect me to stay there, now, can you?

CHARLIE

Um … um … you’re staying here?

LOIS

Master bedroom? Upstairs?

CHARLIE

Um … I’ve been using that room.

LOIS

Good! Then you’ve probably cleared away most of the dirt and dust!

Lois rolls her suitcase to the stairway. Begins to clunk, clunk, clunks the suitcase up the steps. Charlie watches, shellshocked.

LOIS (cont).

I’ll find it! And anything is fine for dinner. I’m not picky!

Charlie mutters to herself as she heads into the kitchen.

INT. FARMHOUSE KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS

CHARLIE

Sure. Make yourself at home, Mom. No, things aren’t going great for me. Thanks for asking. I only have a couple weeks to sell this place, but entertaining you instead of doing that will be just fine. Sure. Just fine.

She yanks out a couple frozen dinners from the freezer and plops them onto the kitchen counter. She swings open the microwave and —

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.

INT. FARMHOUSE LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS

Charlie heads to the front door again, puzzled. She swings it open, and —

CHARLIE

Amber!

Amber, also dressed to the nines, marches past Charlie. She pulls in a brand-new, pricey, suitcase. No scuffs on this one. Amber takes in the room, scans it critically.

AMBER

I had to come.

CHARLIE

But I said—

AMBER

You’re never going to hit the deadline without me here.

LOIS (O.S.)

Charlie! There’s only one bathroom upstairs!

Amber’s head snaps around.

AMBER

Is that …?

Charlie shrugs.

Lois reappears on the stairs, heading their way.

LOIS

I put my things in the bathroom upstairs. You can use the bathroom downstairs. There is a bathroom downstairs, isn’t there?

Lois sees Amber. Stops mid step. The women glare at each other. Lois reaches the living room, seething.

LOIS

I will not have that home-wrecker in this house!

AMBER

You left John three years before I met him.

LOIS

We were about getting remarried!

Charlie’s mouth drops open. Amber shrugs, smiles.

AMBER

Charlie, which way to my bedroom?

[Hope McPherson]

What I learned: Considering the traits this deeply (for the first time with this new script) made me see much more clearly how relationships will be impacting every single scene and decision for these characters. It also showed me (in a couple places) where the traits would be better changed.

Charlotte “Charlie” Piper: Creative, loyal, caring, disorganized.

Amber Anders Piper (stepmom): Ambitious, secretive [changing to bitchy], plotting, loyal.

Jared Mack: Smart, professional, protective, blunt.

Lois Piper (mother): Entitled, creative, optimistic, impulsive [changing to VAIN]

CHARLIE/AMBER

Charlotte “Charlie” Piper: Creative, loyal, caring, disorganized.

Amber Anders Piper (stepmom): Ambitious, secretive, plotting, loyal.

Rapport: Charlie’s caring and loyal traits work well with Amber’s loyal trait when they’re focused on saving the company that Charlie’s dad/Amber’s husband started. They both have a lot invested emotionally in the company and will try everything they can, and then some, to get the company through its current crisis.

Conflict: Charlie’s disorganized trait drives Amber’s ambitious trait crazy, because Amber sees absolutely nothing advantageous in being sloppy and disorganized. In Amber’s mind (and it’s true), this is what has brought the company to the brink of bankruptcy. Amber’s plotting creates conflict with Charlie’s loyal trait once she falls in love with the farm and the little herd that came with it.

Contrast: Charlie’s creativity also confuses Amber’s ambitious trait. Charlie lets her creativity take her on whatever direction it wants to go, while Amber is uptight in her ambition.

Competition: Charlie was spoiled by her late father, and he let her join his company even when he knew it wasn’t her thing. Amber, the young widow, knows she was never the real love of her husband’s life. But she’s willing to accept that so long as she can keep the multi-million dollar company solvent.

Subtext: Even though the man is dead, These women are always competing for Charlie’s late father’s love.

CHARLIE/JARED

Charlotte “Charlie” Piper: Creative, loyal, determined, disorganized.

Jared Mack: Smart, professional, protective, blunt.

Rapport: Charlie and Jared have a growing rapport through Charlie’s loyalty to her great aunt’s farm and vision for it. Jared appreciates that she’s willing to learn and do what it takes to succeed.

Conflict: Charlie’s disorganized trait drives Jared crazy, though, because as a veterinarian, he has to be professional. In his mind, disorganization is the polar opposite. Her determination to sell the farm at first causes a lot of conflict with his being protective of the farm because of his longtime friendship with the great aunt.

Contrast: Charlie’s disorganized creativity pretty much makes Jared’s professional, blunt traits do somersaults.

Competition: Charlie realizes she can save the farm by being creative when Jared is sure that only a big-time lawyer will make that happen.

Subtext: Opposites attract.

AMBER/LOIS

Amber Anders Piper (stepmom): Ambitious, secretive [change to bitchy], plotting, loyal.

Lois Piper (mother): Entitled, creative, optimistic, impulsive

Rapport: They were both married to Charlie’s late father, and they both loved him and miss him. Amber’s ambitious trait and Lois’ optimistic trait also work together well when they have a problem to solve.

Conflict: They were both married to Charlie’s late father, and they are jealous of each other.

Contrast: A trophy wife vs. the first wife, even though she was a celebrity. Lois is an open book in a lot of ways, which contrasts a lot with Amber’s secretive streak.

Competition: They once competed over a man; now they’re competing to run Charlie’s life.

Subtext: They secretly admire things about each other – Amber admires Lois’ creative trait coming out in an entrepreneurial spirit; Lois sees Amber as generating a long-lasting career through her brains.

CHARLIE/LOIS

Charlotte “Charlie” Piper: Creative, loyal, caring, disorganized.

Lois Piper (mother): Entitled, creative, optimistic, impulsive [change to VAIN]

Rapport: These women are both creative and appreciate that about each other. Charlie’s loyalty trait refuses to see her mom as a has-been. Lois’ sees Charlie’s disorganized trait as her right brain on steroids .

Conflict: Lois’ sense of entitlement often means she assumes Charlie will drop everything for her or agree to Lois’ every whim, even when the whims are unrealistic.

Contrast: Charlie’s ultimate loyalty to the farm’s success gets in the way of Lois vain trait, sure she’s on the verge of big break 2.0. Charlie’s caring trait also contrast with Lois’ vanity and sense of entitlement.

Competition: They’re two creative women who show their creativity differently. They also compete for Jared’s attentions, with Lois’ entitlement ratcheting up her play for Jared.

Subtext: The mother and daughter love each other, but they really shouldn’t be allowed to live together.

[Hope McPherson]

QE #4

Logline: As the bride prepares to walk down the aisle, a secret is revealed that scuttles the nuptials.

Essence: Two can keep a secret if one is dead.

Trait changed: Renee’s conformist trait is now pessimistic.

INT. DRESSING ROOM – DAY

Luscious bouquets of white and yellow roses, six giggling bride’s maids, and the bridezilla, EMMIE, are putting the final glamming touches in place before the wedding ceremony begins.

RENEE, the maid of honor, and MAXINE, the slightly chubby bride’s maid number 6, stand away from the others in the wedding party. Maxine tugs white hosiery up her chunky legs. Renee stands close, checking her already perfect cuticles.

RENEE

Dirk isn’t saying anything, not with his meal ticket signed, sealed, and delivered in less than sixty minutes. Still, I can’t shake this feeling. You’ll never tell, right?

MAXINE

And ruin Emmie’s big day? Why would I do that to my sister?

She struggles to pull up one leg of her hose. Emmie notices.

EMMIE

Max! You promised to lose that last ten pounds!

Maxine wriggles her leg into the hose.

MAXINE

There! You happy?

EMMIE
(pouts)

Stand in the back during pictures! I don’t want my pictures ruined!

The other bride’s maids shoot accusing looks toward MAXINE.

RENEE
Emmie, we won’t let anything ruin your special day. Right, girls?

The bride’s maids cheer, giggle some more.

Someone knocks on the door.

EMMIE
Renee, tell them I still have ten minutes. I’m using all of them!

More giggles. Renee moves to the door, puts her ear to the door.

RENEE
(through the door)
We still have ten minutes! Go away!

A muffled voice.

RENEE
A what?

She opens the door a crack. Looks out.

RENEE
A gift? Right now?

Emmie jumps up and rushes to the door, shoves Renee aside.

EMMIE
It must be from Dirk! He knows how much I love surprises!

RENEE
Em, you’ll mess your hair!

Emmie snatches a large Tiffany-blue box from someone outside. Pulls it into the room.

The bride’s maids, including Renee and Maxine, gather around. Emmie shakes the box.

EMMIE
It’s so light!

MAXINE
(smiles)
Wow, from Tiffany’s? Dirk must have something really special for you, Sis, if he can’t even wait till after the ceremony.

Emmie yanks off the white bow, tosses it to the ground, pulls off the lid, and stares down.

EMMIE
An envelope?

MAXINE
A gift certificate, maybe?

RENEE
Um, Em, this can wait. It’s probably not even from Dirk.

She pulls away the box.

MAXINE
But he knows Em loves Tiffany. Didn’t he get you a Tiffany’s bracelet last year? It must be from Dirk.

Emmie grabs back the box from Renee, gives her an accusing look.

EMMIE
My man loves me.

She removes the envelope, tears it open, unfolds a crisp single, white sheet. She reads aloud.

EMMIE
Dear Miss Fortner, while you were away on business in May, your fiancé, Dirk Lester …

Renee yanks the paper away.

RENEE
It’s time, Emmie! Let’s go, everyone! I’ll keep this safe until after the ceremony!

Emmie holds out her hand, her gaze like steel. Renee swallows hard.

EMMIE
You … and Dirk? You cheap, cheating …

MAXINE
(smiles)
Whore?

[Hope McPherson]

Hope McPherson — QE Cycle #3

Logline: After the death of their mother, siblings must clear out her house.

Essence: Sibling rivalry never ends.

INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY

This house is almost, but not quite, the house of a hoarder – stacks of boxes, mid-20th century furniture, dust-turned-to-grime coating it all. This is house of someone unable to let go of the past.

Two women are clearing it out.

NANCY, a sturdy middle-aged spinster in a sweat pants and oversized T-shirt, stands with hands on hips and mouth puckered like she’s sucking on lemons. She turns toward DEBBY, a smaller version of herself in blue jeans. She points at a pile of magazines and then tips her thumb toward the front door.

NANCY: The recycle bin is outside.

Debby nods and attacks a nearby pile of magazines. She catches sight of an old photo of a woman and her son and daughter. She stops to pick it up.

DEBBY (smiles): Is this you and your mother and … little brother?

Nancy looks at the aged 8×10. Sighs. Smiles, in spite of herself, then snaps out of it.

NANCY: No time to reminisce. Keep moving.

Nancy gathers assorted tchotchke and clutter on a shelf. Dumps them into a nearby box labeled GARBAGE.

DEBBY (shrugs): You were cuties.

Nancy snatches the photo from Debby, tosses it into another box labeled SAVE.

NANCY: Let me know if you see an old Japanese jewelry box in this mess.

Debby nods. Debby cradles a stack of magazines and heads out the front door.

Outside, a dog barks, two car doors slam.

SQUIRE (O.S.) Heya! Nancy! You here?! Nanc!

NANCY (mutters): Perfect timing as always.

DEBBY (O.S.): Squire!? Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes! Where have you been?

SQUIRE (O.S.): Deb! How do you keep looking younger every year? You look fabulous!

O.S. Debby giggles.

In the living room, Nancy rolls her eyes, shakes her head.

SQUIRE (O.S.): My sis in there?

DEBBY (O.S.): I don’t think she happy with you right now.

O.S. Squire laughs.

SQUIRE (O.S.): I can’t break a perfect record now, can I?

He laughs again, louder.

DEBBY (O.S.): Oh, stop that. Not in front of your lady friend. (The sound of a playful slap and more giggling.)

Nancy picks up an frying pan that had been on the floor.

SQUIRE (O.S.): I better get in there then, huh? Come on, Cass!

Squire – a bleached blonde whose middle-aged body still remembers the glory days on a football field — whooshes into the house with CASS, in tow. Cass, at least 20 years younger and slightly overweight, wears high-heeled sandals and short shorts.

SQUIRE: There she is! Cass, this is my big sister! Nancy, this is Cassidy!

Cass holds out her right hand to shake. Holding the flying pan, Nancy shrugs, smiles tightly, drops the frying pan int the GARBAGE box.

She and Cass shake briefly.

NANCY (to Squire): Nice of you to finally grace us with your presence.

Squire laughs.

SQUIRE: Good to see you, too, Sis!

She grins. They hug.

NANCY (into his ear): You couldn’t even come to the funeral?

SQUIRE: (into hers): You know I’m no good at that spiritual crap.

They separate. Squire takes in the room.

Debby re-enters.

DEBBY: Do you want me to look for that jewelry box in the bedroom, Nancy?

Squire’s ears perk up.

SQUIRE: Jewelry box?

DEBBY: Japan— NANCY: Don’t worry about that!

NANCY: Squire, you and your friend, um, Candy?

CASS: Cass.

NANCY (smiles): Cass! You’d be a huge help clearing out the kitchen drawers. Everything goes into the dumpster in the driveway.

Squire rests a hand on Cass’ lower back.

SQUIRE: Thanks, Love. If you don’t mind doing that, I’ll help Nancy find that jewelry box.

Cass shrugs. Squire kisses her cheek. She disappears into the kitchen.

Squire beams at Nancy.

SQUIRE: What’s so special about the box, Nanc?

She ignores him, sees Debby.

NANCY: Deb, can you grab the other end of this coffee table?

She picks up one end of the ugly little coffee table. Deb rushes over to grab the other end.

NANCY (to Squire): Grab anything you can, too, and chuck it into that dumpster outside. As long as you’re here, you may as well be useful.

She and Debb shuffle out the door on either end of the coffee table.

Squire looks around the room, doesn’t pick up anything. Spies the family portrait in the SAVE box. He pulls it out. Stares at the photo, tosses it into the GARBAGE box.

He heads for an old secretary against a wall. Nancy re-enters, sees him.

NANCY: Why don’t you help Cass in the kitchen?

SQUIRE: Why don’t you tell me what’s so important about the jewelry box?

Nancy silently fumes. Clears off more from the shelf and drops the items into the GARBAGE box.

DEBBY: I think I’ll go help Cass!

Debby hurries into the kitchen.

Nancy works with her back to her brother.

NANCY: You waltz in here after all those months? Who do you think you are? Never a call. Not even a damn email. Now, when we’re under a time crunch, you magically appear.

SQUIRE: What do you think I could have done? You lived here in town. You’re not married.

NANCY: You aren’t either, now!

SQUIRE: But I have a life.

Nancy whirls around, throws a book at his head. Squire ducks. It barely misses his head.

SQUIRE: Is the box Mom’s old money box? She never did trust banks. And God knows she didn’t put a dime into this place.

NANCY (voice rising): You’ll get half the proceeds of this house, but I’ll be damned if you get anything else. I’m the one who was with Mom at the end. I’m the one who made her dinners, took her to her appointments, and wiped her butt when she couldn’t anymore.

Squire laughs.

SQUIRE: What else did you have to do all day?

NANCY: AHHHHHHHH.

Nancy charges her brother. They go down in a heap. She scratches and he fends her off, laughing. That makes her even more mad.

Debby and Cass lean out of the kitchen, eyes wide as they watch the siblings fight.

DEBBY (to Cass): Ready to get out of here?

Cass: Sure am!

Cass holds up a Japanese jewelry box, grinning. They dodge the siblings and head for the door.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s Max Interest 2

What I learned: That I have a long way to go. This still isn’t very interesting. But it is better than it was.

Essence: Charlie’s stepmother pressures Charlie to get the farm sold in the next two weeks.

Interest technique additions: Anticipatory dialogue; predictions; creating a future; uncomfortable moment

INT. AMBER’S OFFICE – SAME TIME

Amber sits at her neat-as-a-pin desk.

INTERCUT – FACETIME CONVERSATION

CHARLIE

(resigned)

Hi, Amber.

She holds her mobile phone close enough to keep the animals out of the picture.

AMBER

Which local developers have you connected with? Any offers yet? Your father would be knocking down doors by now.

The goat nibbles Charlie’s jacket. She pushes his head away. Doesn’t break eye contact with Amber.

CHARLIE

I’m connecting with the locals.

The donkey moves in.

AMBER

We’re less than two weeks from Christmas. What would your father want you to do now?

CHARLIE

Ummmm …

AMBER

He’d want me to help you. I’ll come up!

CHARLIE

No! I do have a developer coming! Tomorrow!

AMBER

Then it’s more important than ever that I be there, right? I can be there by 1 p.m.

CHARLIE

Dad would want me to do this on my own. I’m sure of it.

AMBER

Did I tell you the final cost to your dad’s company after your little catastrophe last week?

CHARLIE

I’ll call you after I speak with the developer. Okay?

\

AMBER

Why your father ever thought you could go from an art studio to million dollar deals — I’ll talk to you tomorrow.

Amber disconnects the call.

END INTERCUT

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s challenging situations

What I learned: When I approached the scenes with challenges, interest techniques, and character traits in mind, the challenging situations were, indeed, a lot easier to come up with. They also elevated the interest of these two scenes by about 300%, way more than doubling the quality.

Scene 1

A. Current scene logline: Discovering her newly inherited farm includes a motley little herd, Charlie meets Dr. Jared Mack.

B. Essence: Charlie meets Jed at the worst possible time.

C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges:

Jared accuses Charlie of trespassing and calls 911.

Jared yells at Charlie for doing everything wrong.

Charlie is terrified by the goat, llama, and donkey.

Charlie runs back to her car, which won’t start.

Charlie decides to turn them loose, causing a car accident on the nearby road.

D. Summary of how scene different with new challenges:

Charlie will discover the animals and, terrified, will climb up into the hay loft to get away from them. Jared will enter, discover the animals into everything and loose in the barn, and once he sees Charlie, he’ll accuse her of trespassing and threaten to call 911. Charlie falls from the ladder as she climbs down, lands on her back, and soon as the llama, goat, and donkey staring down at her.

Scene 2

A. Current scene logline: Charlie invites Jared into the farmhouse, and they introduce themselves over hot chocolate.

B. Essence: They figure out their connections to the deceased great aunt.

C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges:

Jared accuses Charlie of profiting off of her great aunt’s death, especially because she’d never visited.

Charlie forgot the keys for the house and buildings, may have to sleep in the barn or break into the house.

They argue over the animals, and Charlie wants him to take them then and there.

Charlie and Jared have awkward introductions in the barn, and Charlie tells him that he’s the trespasser. Tells him not to come back.

D. Summary of how scene different with new challenges

Charlie will climb into the hay loft, afraid of the animals. When Jared comes in, he doesn’t know how the animals got into the barn. Charlie calls out for help, but he’s angry and accuses her of trespassing. As he calls 911, she tells him who she is. They argue and she tells him not to come back. He says he’s happy to comply and walks out. She calls after him, because she’s still stuck in the hay loft.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope McPherson’s Full-out Characters

What I learned: I appreciated Hal’s earlier comment, “When a character arrives, so do their traits.” I’d never thought of character traits as being responsible for that much depth (duh!), and I can already see how the traits 2.0 will impact the natural interaction between these characters.

Charlie Piper

DESCRIPTION: CHARLIE is a young businesswoman who wants to make it big.

TRAITS: Ambitious, persistent, determined, aimless.

SUBTEXT: Charlie wants to please her deceased father, even if it means giving up her own dreams.

Charlie Piper.2

DESCRIPTION: CHARLIE is a failed artist who’s now failing in business.

TRAITS: Creative, loyal, caring, disorganized.

SUBTEXT: Charlie (who inherits a farm) is afraid of animals.

Amber Anders Piper (stepmom)

DESCRIPTION: Amber is a widowed trophy wife in charge of a multi-million dollar company.

TRAITS: Ambitious, smart, demanding, plotting.

SUBTEXT: Amber wants to maneuver her step-daughter out of her inheritance.

Amber Anders Piper.2 (stepmom)

DESCRIPTION: Amber is a widowed trophy wife in charge of a multi-million dollar company.

TRAITS: Ambitious, secretive, plotting, loyal.

SUBTEXT: Amber manipulates those around her to do her bidding.

Jed Mack

DESCRIPTION: JED is no-nonsense veterinarian who helps Charlie to repay her deceased aunt for being there for him during his difficult childhood.

TRAITS: Smart, professional, caring, demanding.

SUBTEXT: Jed … [no subtext to speak of].

Jed Mack.2

DESCRIPTION: JED is no-nonsense veterinarian who takes charge and mansplains too often.

TRAITS: Smart, professional, protective, blunt.

SUBTEXT: Jed resents being left out of Charlie’s deceased aunt’s will after all his help when she was alive and sick.

[Hope McPherson]

QE 2 Cycle Exchange

Logline: Reeling from his father’s suicide, John tricks Nicholas into admitting he stole/plagiarized from his late father’s work to be awarded a $25 million grant.

Essence: Beware having the confidence that is caught in a trap.

INT. BANQUET HALL – NIGHT

ACADEMICS with bad haircuts and ill-fitting clothes CHEER and APPLAUD from their tables. Lots of opened, emptied wine bottles dot tables. Remnants of half-eaten rubber-chicken dinners are being collected by efficient SERVERS.

A banner – 25TH ANNUAL BELLBOLLEM GRANT AWARDS CEREMONY – sweeps across the stage, high above a podium.

Two men – ALEX MILLER (65) the CEO of the BELLBOLLEM PHARMACEUTICALS, and DR. NICHOLAS FITZMOCKER (45) — stand on the stage. Each wearing $2,000 suits, they hold opposite ends of an oversized $25 million award check.

Fizmocker beams. Accepts the applause as his due.

INT. BANQUET HALL – LATER

The night is winding down. A smattering of researchers, scientists, and academics remain, including Alex and Nicholas.

The men have pushed their chairs back from their table, ties loosened, guard down.

ALEX

Nicholas, brilliant, brilliant work. The HOPP will change the world.

NICHOLAS

There was never any doubt in my mind. Once I saw the possibilities of the Human Optimization Power Projection, nothing would stop me from publishing the research.

ALEX

And finding the funding.

NICHOLAS

Yes, and finding the funding.

They chuckle.

ALEX

Soon it will be Edison, Einstein, Hawking, and Nicholas Fitzmucker.

Nicholas smiles, soaks it up.

NICHOLAS

This $25 million is just the beginning.

Alex grows serious as DR. JOHN PIKE (30) joins them. Nicholas becomes still.

A younger, fresher version of the academia in the room, John sports a manbun and Κράτος (ancient Greek symbol for strength) tattooed on the inside of his wrist. The tat peeks out from below his $150 suit’s sleeves – the same suit worn over a T-shirt. A modern sleek PENDANT hangs around his neck.

ALEX

Dr. Pike! I thought you’d be headed back to the Congo, by now, rejoining the research team.

JOHN

And miss this celebration?

NICHOLAS

Please accept my deepest condolences, John.

Alex nods.

ALEX

How is your mother?

JOHN

She appreciated the flowers.

ALEX

From the entire Board of Trustees. Least we could do.

JOHN

Hmm.

John glances at Nicholas. Smiles coldly.

NICHOLAS

Dr. Pike, we were all shocked. So deeply shocked. Don’t hesitate to let me know how I can help.

Nicholas pulls out a business card, hands it to John.

NICHOLAS

Call my office anytime.

JOHN

You’ve already done enough, Fitz.

Nicholas tenses at the moniker.

NICHOLAS

I regretted not being able to attend your father’s funeral. I caught some of the livestream, of course.

JOHN

You look anxious, Fitz. Do I make you anxious?

Nicholas and Alex exchange looks. John touches the pendant.

NICHOLAS

(to John)

You’re risking a lot, being here, aren’t you?

JOHN

How so?

NICHOLAS

As the junior researcher on the team, you can’t have much time away from the field. The funeral was last month. Would you like me to call your sponsor? Arrange for more time?

JOHN.

I’m sure you’d like to do that. Perhaps arrange for permanent time off?

ALEX

Dr. Pike, you’ve been out of touch with, er, civilization for some time now. Have you had a chance to review Dr. Fitzmocker’s HOPP? Nothing short of groundbreaking.

JOHN

I’ve reviewed it. Closely. Congratulations on the $25 million.

Nicholas grins broadly.

NICHOLAS

Humankind’s future will be so much brighter with the Human Optimization Power Projection.

JOHN

Certainly yours will be bright.

NICHOLAS

And I’d be happy to take you on as a member of the team. If you can leave the Congo, that is!

JOHN

Didn’t HOPP come out of your earlier Formation-Optimization Protocol research?

NICHOLAS

That was a shadow of what was to come, yes.

JOHN

But it showed promise?

NICHOLAS

It was the basis of HOPP.

JOHN

That was when you on my father’s Grantway research team at the time. In fact, he developed HOPP, didn’t he?

NICHOLAS

What? No. I did.

ALEX

When Dr. Fitzmocker contacted me last year, I immediately recognized the promise in his research. I made sure Bellbollem Pharmaceuticals brought him on board.

JOHN

That was in October?

NICHOLAS

(squirms, looks away)

Oh, if you’ll excuse me. I see a colleague I’ve been trying to connect with.

Nicholas stands. John stands, too, blocks his way.

JOHN

Yes, in October. Two months before my father put a gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. One more thing, Fitz.

NICHOLAS

I really must catch Hans. He’ll be flying back to Europe this evening. It’s been good to see you, John. Even under these circumstances. Contact my office if you need anything.

Nicholas ducks John’s block, raises his arm to catch someone’s attention.

NICHOLAS

Hans!

A pudgy scientist across the way turns, scanning for who called his name.

John grabs Nicholas, spins him around. Alex gasps.

JOHN

Fitz, my father sent me an email the day before he died.

NICHOLAS

A final communique?

JOHN

(nose to nose with Nicholas)

My father mentioned you. A lot.

Guests turn toward the simmering brouhaha, ears pricked.

NICHOLAS

Step. Back. Research money has a tendency to dry up when junior researchers are unreliable. Or unstable.

John stands his ground.

JOHN

My father trusted you. He pinpointed the error in your shitty Formation-Optimization Protocol research when you contacted him for help. So why did you steal his research? And sell it to Bellbollem?

NICHOLAS

(sneers)

You can’t prove a thing. Your father was always ready to help. Ready to share his expertise. Well, he shared and I took it. He was nearly finished, but I took his precious HOPP across the finish line. Me. And you can’t prove a thing.

John lifts his pendant. Smiles. Presses it just right.

NICHOLAS V.O.

You can’t prove a thing. Your father was always ready to help. Ready to share his expertise. Well, he shared and I took it. He was nearly finished, but I took his precious HOPP across the finish line. Me. And you can’t prove a thing.

JOHN

(smiles)

No, but you can.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope McPherson’s Rewrite QE Cycle 1

INT. TAVERN – NIGHT

Sitting at the back of a crowded, dreary bar, ROBERT (30s) hoists a foaming mug. Buddies, TRENT and HARRY, do likewise. Harry sets his mug down. Looks teary. They are already three sheets to the wind.

ROBERT: What’d I say? What. Did. I. Say?

TRENT: You’re three for three, Bobby. You were right about Kim. She’s banging Phil. And she would deny, deny, deny.

Robert shrugs.

HARRY: Shit.

ROBERT: You needed to know, Bro. But what’s past is past. Now you need to decide what to do.

Robert pats Harry’s shoulder.

TRENT: Show her the door. No, wait! Kick her through the door! Drain your joint accounts, get laid. In fact, start that last part with that babe at the bar.

Trent nods at a plump woman wearing red lipstick and tight black yoga pants. She watching them from across the room. She raises the corner of her crimson lips in a sly smile, winks at Harry.

Harry salutes her, lifting his nearly empty mug.

TRENT: Let me get that party started for you.

Robert stops him.

ROBERT: We don’t wanna scare her. I’ll go.

The men laugh. Not Harry.

Robert sways to his feet, heads to the bar, leans into the woman. She keeps her eyes on Harry. Robert whispers in her ear. She says nothing.

Robert sloshes back to their table. Plops down.

ROBERT: She has an early morning meeting. Can’t party tonight.

Robert and Trent burst into laughter. Harry polishes off his beer.

Trent grabs a server walking past.

TRENT: Hey! My friend needs a refill. Pronto!

The server glares; heads for a refill.

HARRY: Kimmie said nothing happen.

ROBERT: De-–fuck–nying!

HARRY: You know, you have a big mouth, Bobbie. Almost as big as Trent’s.

Robert slaps Harry on the back.

ROBERT: Don’t you know it!

Robert and Trent guffaw some more. The server returns. Slides another draft in front of Harry. Waits for payment.

Trent carefully looks away.

Harry pulls out his wallet, slaps $20 on the tray, disgusted. The server rolls her eyes at Trent, leaves.

Red Lips at the bar slips off her stool and strolls their way.

TRENT: Ha! You can thank us in the morning.

ROBERT: No, thank us now.

Robert and Trent watch, greedy. Harry watched her close in on them, shrugs.

TRENT: You may be in luck after all, Harry. Ha!

HARRY: Kimmie’s never lied to me before.

ROBERT: That you know of.

TRENT: The sign of a good liar.

The woman arrives at their table, looks down at the men. Places a hand on Robert’s shoulder. Bends down.

RED LIPS: (whispers in Robert’s ear) You left before I introduced myself.

Robert snickers.

ROBERT: (puts a hand on her butt) Nothin’ stopping you now.

RED LIPS: No, nothing stopping me. I’m Kammy. Kammy Franks.

ROBERT: Franks? Huh?

TRENT: Same as Harry?

HARRY: Bobbie, Trent, meet my twin sis, Heidi. Heidi, these are the guys Kimmy was talking about.

Robert and Trent exchange looks, confused. Heidi picks up Harry’s still-full mug.

HEIDI: Bastards.

She swings the mug like a major leaguer batting cleanup – beer flies as she hits Robert upside the head, catches Trent on her backswing.

Robert’s forehead slams into the table. Trent flies off his chair, crashing to the ground.

The bar grows silent. All eyes on the pop-up drama.

HEIDI: If I hear that you sissy gossips have been lying about my sister-in-law again, I’m going to lose my temper.

Heidi stands over the dazed men, ready for her second at-bat. They blink up at her, speechless.

She drops the mug on Trent’s head. Picks up Robert’s mug and throws its contents into his face.

HEIDI: Harry, come on. Kammy’s waiting.

[Hope McPherson]

INT. TAVERN – NIGHT

In a crowded, dreary bar, ROBERT (30s) hoists a foaming mug. Buddies, TRENT and HARRY, do likewise.

Harry sets his mug down. Looks teary. They are already three sheets to the wind.

ROBERT

What’d I say? What. Did. I. Say?

TRENT

You’re three for three, Bobby. You were right about Kim. She’s banging Phil. And she would deny, deny, deny.

He takes a gulp. Robert shrugs.

HARRY

Shit.

ROBERT

You needed to know, Bro. But what’s past is past. Now you get to decide what to do.

Robert pats Harry’s shoulder.

TRENT

Show her the door. No, wait! Kick her through the door! Drain your accounts, get laid. In fact, start with that babe at the bar.

Trent nods at a plump woman wearing red lipstick and tight black yoga pants. She watching them from across the room. She raises the corner of her crimson lips in a sly smile, winks at Harry.

Harry salutes her, lifting his nearly empty mug.

TRENT

Let me get that party started for you, Friend.

Robert stops him.

ROBERT

We don’t wanna scare her. I’ll go.

The men laugh. Not Harry.

Robert sways to his feet, heads to the bar, leans into the woman, who keeps her eyes on Harry. Robert whispers in her ear. She says nothing.

Robert sloshes back to their table. Plops down.

ROBERT

She has an early morning meeting. Can’t party tonight.

Robert and Trent burst into laughter. Harry polishes off his beer.

HARRY

You know, you have a big mouth, Bobbie. Almost as big as Trent’s.

Robert slaps Harry on the back.

ROBERT

Don’t you know it!

Robert and Trent guffaw some more. Trent sets down his beer.

Harry looks into the bottom of his empty mug.

HARRY

(tips his mug upside down)

Ahhh. Look at this.

Not a drop left. Robert and Trent commiserate. Red Lips at the bar slips off her stool and strolls their way. Robert and Trent watch, greedy. Harry looks up, shrugs.

TRENT

You may be in luck after all, Harry. You may be in luck after all.

HARRY

I know I am.

The woman arrives at their table, looks the men up and down. Places a hand on Robert’s shoulder. Bends down.

RED LIPS

(whispers in Robert’s ear)

You left before I introduced myself.

Robert blushes.

ROBERT

(puts a hand on her butt)

Nothin’ stopping you now.

RED LIPS

No, nothing stopping me. I’m Heidi. Heidi Franks.

ROBERT

Franks? Why that’s Harry last name!

HARRY

Bobbie, Trent, meet my twin sis, Heidi. Heidi, these are the guys Kimmy was talking about.

Robert and Trent exchange looks, confused. Heidi picks up Harry’s empty mug.

RED LIPS

You mean crying about. The bastards.

She swings the mug like a major leaguer batting cleanup — hits Robert upside the head, catches Trent on her backswing.

Robert’s forehead slams into the table. Trent crashes to the ground.

The bar grows silent. All eyes on the pop-up drama.

RED LIPS

If I hear that you sissy gossips have been lying about my sister-in-law again, I’m going to lose my temper.

Kammy stands over the dazed men, ready for her second at-bat. They blink up at her, speechless.

She drops the heavy mug on Trent’s head. Picks up Robert’s mug and throws its contents into his face.

RED LIPS

Harry, come on. Kammy’s waiting.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope McPherson’s Max Interest Part 1

What I learned: Going back to add interest techniques had me looking at the scene with fresh eyes. I’d been OK with this scene, and it had a surprise and a twist already. But now I saw ways I could force the protagonist to face instant uncertainty and intrigue. The process was surprisingly freeing.

1. Logline: Charlie arrives at the old farm she’s just inherited, and plans to sell to a developer, only to discover a goat, donkey, and llama.

2. Essence: This won’t be the slam dunk “inherit and sell” that she expected.

3. ITs added: suspense; major twist; surprise; intrigue

EXT. FARMYARD – DAY

Driving a bright yellow VW convertible bug, Charlie swings into the farm’s barnyard. Big NO TRESPASSING sign, complete with a few bullet holes, sits at the gate.

A new layer of fluffy snow can’t hide that this farm as seen better days: dingy two-story farmhouse; nearby rundown faded red barn.

She parks. Climbs out of the car, looks around. Her urban winter attire clashes with the rural scene as she opens the VW’s hood, pulls out her overnight bag.

CHARLIE
(into the air)
Sorry, Aunt Charlotte. This just isn’t for me.

She pulls keys from her baguette, begins the schlepp through the snow to the house.

A loud sorrowful bray pierces the quiet. Charlie spins around, drops her bag.

What the …

INT. RUNDOWN BARN – CONTINUING

The barn door slowly slides open. Charlie peeks around the door frame, steps inside.

CHARLIE

Hello?

This is no modern barn, with a smooth concrete aisle. This ragamuffin four-stall barn has an uneven hard-packed dirt floor that’s been around since the Reagan Administration.

Just inside, three dusty metal garbage cans crowd against a wall. Years ago, their lids were labeled in thick black marker: DONKEY, LLAMA, GOAT.

Across the dirt aisle, half bale of hay sits loose and wispy.

Above the cans hangs a sheet of paper in a plastic sleeve. Handwritten at its top: INSTRUCTIONS.

CHARLIE

(reading)

Taco — Half-cup … Henry … Dolly …

She wrenches open the lid labeled DONKEY. Peers inside: Pellets fill about one-third of it. A one-cup measure sits atop the pellets.

BANG, BANG, BANG!

Charlie jumps back, drops the lid.

The sliding door at the opposite end of the barn bounces hard against its rollers. Something wants in. Now.

BANG, BANG, BANG!

A grey nose shoves into a small gap, makes the gap wider.

CHARLIE

What?!

She runs to the sliding door, tries to hold it closed. Too late.

A goat bursts in!

CHARLIE

Ahh!

Charlie reels backward, falls.

The goat bleats, sees the open garbage can, and races for it.

The sliding door rumbles, shakes.

A donkey squeezes through next, shoving open the door with its fat sides.

The donkey plods to the uncovered garbage can. Joins the goat to chow down.

CHARLIE

Hey! You can’t be here!

Charlie scrambles to her feet.

Her eyes widen. What in the world …

She trips backward — falls again.

A tall white llama stands over her, glaring down its imperious long nose.

CHARLIE

No, no, this is not happening!

The llama sees the party at the other end of the barn, joins the fun.

Hay is flying. The goat shoves over a second garbage can.

Charlie leaps up again.

CHARLIE

Everybody out!

Yeah, right. They ignore her.

The barn’s front door swings open.

JARED MACK, DVM, wearing blue coveralls with a Mack Veterinarian Services patch, enters.

He’d be handsome if he weren’t exhausted — and suddenly pissed.

JARED

Who the hell are you? What the heck are you doing?!

He rushes in.

CHARLIE

Get your, your —

(waves her arm at the animals)

Get them out of here. NOW!

JARED

You get out! There’s a big no trespassing sign on the front gate. Read it on your way out!

Jared grabs a lead rope hanging on the wall. He flips it over the goat’s neck and hauls the uncooperative goat from the feed can. Jared drags the goat to one of the stalls.

CHARLIE

I’m not trespassing. This is my farm!

Jared stops dead in his tracks. The goat makes a break for it. Jared is faster, reels it back in.

JARED

(to Charlie)

You’re Charlotte?

[Hope McPherson]

Hope McPherson Profiles People

What I learned: Spending time “paying attention” to individuals’ character traits is the only way, I think, that we screenwriters can hope to understand our scripts’ characters. So many conflicting traits in any of us. I’m seeing that the complexity of our fictional characters only benefits by our observing how people interact with others — and seeing how that interaction changes based on who those people are speaking with.

Person one:

Motherly

Lacks self confidence

Passive aggressive

Caring

Christian

Humorous

Person two:

Foolish

Liar

Controlling

Lacks self confidence

Empathetic

[Hope McPherson]

Hi all; I enjoyed learning a bit about you in your introductions.

1. Name? Hope McPherson

2. How many scripts you’ve written? Since beginning my SU journey with Hal and Cheryl a few years ago, I’m marketing two good spec scripts and a pilot these days (two are with producers right now), and wrote three crappy scripts pre-SU.

3. What you hope to get out of the class? Yes, I want to double the quality of my writing and continue to make a habit of implementing all the amazing skills I learned in ProSeries60; MSC8, Bingeworthy4, etc.

4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? I bought a farm and now live with four goofy goats and an aloof llama — and (per my game cams) copious rabbits, an assortment of pesky coyotes (the llama keeps them away from the goats), two raccoons, a lumbering possum, a beautiful doe and buck, and two bears.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope McPherson puts essence to work!

What I learned: I see how this process is a great way to set oneself up for subtext and deeper meaning. This process truly laid bare the lightweight scenes in my first draft. I also learned that this is definitely a learning process. I appreciated Hal mentioning how difficult this is to do, because I feel like I getting glimmers here and there. That’s a start at least!

Script I choose: CHRISTMAS DEVELOPMENT is a spec script that I just finished a first draft (i.e., my 10% draft), and it’s a prime candidate for this assignment.

Scene 1 location: INT. ICE CREAM SHOP – DAY

Logline: After fraud costs the company $300,000, CHARLIE drowns her sorrows in a bowl of ice cream while promising her stepmom that she’ll repay the money to save the business.

Essence I’ve discovered: Charlie wants to live up to her father’s reputation but this business is not her love.

New logline: Sitting in an office surrounded by photos of her broker-dad’s successes, CHARLIE vows to save her father’s company and legacy even though her stepmom (business co-owner) wants her gone.

Scene 2: INT. FARMHOUSE LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Logline: Charlie, in the farmhouse, talks with Jared about her great aunt, her new daily chores, and his connection to the great aunt.

Essence I’ve discovered: Charlie becomes intrigued by her deceased great aunt, discovering they were more alike than she expected.

New logline: Charlie explores the farmhouse’s kitchen and living room and discovers her late great-aunt died while fighting a battle with a crooked local government official, trying to take her land.

Scene 3: INT. FARMHOUSE LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS

Logline: Charlie meets Daniel, who explains he was working out a deal for the farm with the great aunt before she died.

Essence I’ve discovered: Charlie is already getting suspicious of Daniel’s eagerness to get the farm.

New logline: Charlie meets with Daniel and realizes he’s the crooked politician her aunt was fighting.

Scene 4: INT. AMBER’S OFFICE – SAME TIME

Logline: Amber puts pressure on Charlie to sell the farm to Daniel – or to anyone.

Essence I’ve discovered: Amber is working with Daniel

New logline: Amber shows up at the farm in order to compel Charlie get the place sold asap.

Scene 5: INT. FARMHOUSE LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Logline: Charlie’s mom, Lois, arrives unexpectedly to stay and snoop.

Essence I’ve discovered: Charlie discovers her mother, a has-been TV star, is broke and homeless.

New logline: Charlie’s mom arrives and has nowhere else to go, but when she finds Amber there, the two women declare war.

[Hope McPherson]

Assisgnment1-finds the essence

Hope finds the essence

What I learned: I’ve watched GROUNDHOG’S DAY many, many times over the years. Breaking it down to the essence made Phil’s character arc really come stand out. Additionally, I saw a lot of scenes in this version that never made it into the finished film, and none of them were really needed in the scheme of things. In this case, all those extra scenes gave Harold Ramos a chance to stitch together the best of the best.

Scene 1 location: Beginning of Act 1

Logline: Phil is voluntold he’s covering Groundhog’s Day

Essence: Phil is cynical and doesn’t care that he’s unpopular with co-workers.

Scene 2 location: End of Act 1 EXT. GOBBLER’S KNOB – DAWN end of

Logline: Phil reports on the ground-hog events live.

Essence: A skilled professional, Phil lets his cynicism get the best of him when he adds wisecracks throughout the segment.

Scene 3 location: End of Act 2 INT. DEW DROP INN – LATER THAT NIGHT

Logline: Phil gets drunk in bar with two blue-collar workers, asking them how they’d deal with a repeating day.

Essence: Phil is now hopelessness about his situation, knowing nothing stops it.

Scene 4 location: Middle of Act 3 EXT. GOBBLER’S KNOB – DAWN

Logline: Phil gives his groundhog report with more interest and information than ever before, impressing Rita.

Essence: Resigned to his February 2 fate, Phil has traded cynicism for professionalism.

Scene 5 location: End of Act 3 INT. PARTY ROOM – CONTINUOUS

Logline: Rita follows Phil around town as he helps town residents.

Phil and Rita walk into a banquet room decorated with streamers, balloons and flowers. There is a long buffet table and a punch bowl. Another long table is loaded with wedding gifts. A small band is playing. People are dancing. The wedding party is dressed in rented tuxedos and appropriately pouffy bridesmaid dresses.

RITA

This is incredible. Who’s wedding is this?

Phil grabs two glasses of champagne and hands one to Rita.

PHIL

Just some friends. Dorisi

The bride, DORIS, young and cheery, is on her way to see Phil. She is dragging FRED, her groom, with her.

DORIS

Hi, Mr. Connors! Come ON, Freddy.

FRED

Hi.

DORIS

This is the guy I told you about.

FRED

No way!

PHIL

How’s it going, Fred?

FRED

Hey, I’d like to thank you for making Doris go through with this.

PHIL

Are you kidding? Don’t buy that playing hard to get stuff. She’s crazy about you, you stud.

DORIS

I’m really glad you could come.

PHIL

Congratulations.

Phil reaches into his pocket, pulls out two tickets and hands them to Doris.

DORIS

What is this? Oh, no way! No way! Ahhh!

Doris throws herself on Fred and jumps up and down. Fred grabs the tickets.

FRED

Wrestlemania! No way! No way!

Doris throws herself on Phil.

DORIS

How did you know?

FRED

We’re like going to be in Pittsburgh anyway.

PHIL

I don’t know. I just thought about you two, tried to picture what you ‘ d want more than anything in the world and it came to me. Bing! Wrestlemania.

FRED

Thanks, Mr. Connors. You’re a real pal.

DORIS

This is the best!

Doris gives Phil a kiss. She and Fred move on.

RITA

I don ‘ t understand. You rush from one person to the next in a town you only visit once a year, you know everything before it happens , and you — – I don ‘ t know , you seem to be Punxsutawney ‘ s leading citizen.

The band finishes a set. The guests stop dancing and head for the refreshments. Phil and Rita are left alone for the moment.

PHIL

What do you want to know?

RITA

Who are you?

PHIL

I really don’t know.

RITA

No, there’s something going on with you.

PHIL

Okay, I wake up in Punxsutawney on February second — every day. It’s supernatural. I don’t even try to explain it anymore. So, I live each day as if it’s the only day I’ve got.

Rita stares into his eyes for a very long time, but sees only good, true things.

RITA

That’s pretty amazing.

PHIL

You want to know what’s really amazing? I’ve been waiting for you every day for ten thousand years. I dream of you every night of my life. You’ve been my constant weapon against total despair, and just knowing you exist has kept me alive. How’s that?

Rita can’t even speak. This is clearly the nicest thing anybody has ever said to anybody.

Mary the piano teacher notices Phil.

MARY

Phil!

(to her friend)

This is the guy.

PHIL

Hello, Mary. Rita, this is one of Punxsey’s finest musicians.

MARY

Give me a break. You should talk. Why don’t you play something?

PHIL

No, I—

MARY

Please.

FRED

Hey, Mr. Connors. Go for it.

Phil looks at Rita. She nods and shrugs.

Phil walks up to the platform and sits at the piano. He begins to play a slow, serious, classical piece. Everyone falls silent. It’s so beautiful, Rita is almost in tears.

Then, after a pause to let the serious notes sink in, Phil transforms the piece into a fast, lively, upbeat jazz romp. Everyone is delighted, and as the rest of the band kicks in, everyone grabs a partner and begins to dance.

An old coot, UNCLE LEO, grabs Rita and the two of them dance up a storm.

LEO

That’s a great guy you’ve got there. Doctor Connors fixed my back, you know.

RITA

Doctor Connors? Rita looks over at Phil, joyously playing the piano.

Essence: Rita sees Phil isn’t as selfish and cynical as he was” the day” before. This is really the first time that Phil is seen putting other people’s needs above his own. It’s also the first time that he sees the results of not being as self-serving as he’s always been. He’s liked, he’s really liked – and he likes the feeling.

[Hope McPherson]

Assisgnment1-finds the essence

Hope McPherson finds the essence

What I learned: I’ve watched GROUNDHOG’S DAY many, many times over the years. Breaking it down to the essence made Phil’s character arc really stand out. (Additionally, I saw a lot of scenes in this version that never made it into the finished film, and none of them were really needed in the scheme of things. In this case, all those extra scenes gave Harold Ramos a chance to stitch together the best of the best.)

Scene 1 location: Beginning of Act 1

Logline: Phil is voluntold he’s covering Groundhog’s Day

Essence: Phil is cynical and doesn’t care that he’s unpopular with co-workers.

Scene 2 location: End of Act 1 EXT. GOBBLER’S KNOB – DAWN end of

Logline: Phil reports on the ground-hog events live.

Essence: A skilled professional, Phil lets his cynicism get the best of him when he adds wisecracks throughout the segment.

Scene 3 location: End of Act 2 INT. DEW DROP INN – LATER THAT NIGHT

Logline: Phil gets drunk in bar with two blue-collar workers, asking them how they’d deal with a repeating day.

Essence: Phil is now hopelessness about his situation, knowing nothing stops it.

Scene 4 location: Middle of Act 3 EXT. GOBBLER’S KNOB – DAWN

Logline: Phil gives his groundhog report with more interest and information than ever before, impressing Rita.

Essence: Resigned to his February 2 fate, Phil has traded cynicism for professionalism.

Scene 5 location: End of Act 3 INT. PARTY ROOM – CONTINUOUS

Logline: Rita follows Phil around town as he helps town residents, and she becomes more impressed with him and even falls in love.

SCENE:

Phil and Rita walk into a banquet room decorated with streamers, balloons and flowers. There is a long buffet table and a punch bowl. Another long table is loaded with wedding gifts. A small band is playing. People are dancing. The wedding party is dressed in rented tuxedos and appropriately pouffy bridesmaid dresses.

RITA

This is incredible. Who’s wedding is this?

Phil grabs two glasses of champagne and hands one to Rita.

PHIL

Just some friends. Dorisi

The bride, DORIS, young and cheery, is on her way to see Phil. She is dragging FRED, her groom, with her.

DORIS

Hi, Mr. Connors! Come ON, Freddy.

FRED

Hi.

DORIS

This is the guy I told you about.

FRED

No way!

PHIL

How’s it going, Fred?

FRED

Hey, I’d like to thank you for making Doris go through with this.

PHIL

Are you kidding? Don’t buy that playing hard to get stuff. She’s crazy about you, you stud.

DORIS

I’m really glad you could come.

PHIL

Congratulations.

Phil reaches into his pocket, pulls out two tickets and hands them to Doris.

DORIS

What is this? Oh, no way! No way! Ahhh!

Doris throws herself on Fred and jumps up and down. Fred grabs the tickets.

FRED

Wrestlemania! No way! No way!

Doris throws herself on Phil.

DORIS

How did you know?

FRED

We’re like going to be in Pittsburgh anyway.

PHIL

I don’t know. I just thought about you two, tried to picture what you ‘ d want more than anything in the world and it came to me. Bing! Wrestlemania.

FRED

Thanks, Mr. Connors. You’re a real pal.

DORIS

This is the best!

Doris gives Phil a kiss. She and Fred move on.

RITA

I don ‘ t understand. You rush from one person to the next in a town you only visit once a year, you know everything before it happens , and you — I don’ t know , you seem to be Punxsutawney’ s leading citizen.

The band finishes a set. The guests stop dancing and head for the refreshments. Phil and Rita are left alone for the moment.

PHIL

What do you want to know?

RITA

Who are you?

PHIL

I really don’t know.

RITA

No, there’s something going on with you.

PHIL

Okay, I wake up in Punxsutawney on February second — every day. It’s supernatural. I don’t even try to explain it anymore. So, I live each day as if it’s the only day I’ve got.

Rita stares into his eyes for a very long time, but sees only good, true things.

RITA

That’s pretty amazing.

PHIL

You want to know what’s really amazing? I’ve been waiting for you every day for ten thousand years. I dream of you every night of my life. You’ve been my constant weapon against total despair, and just knowing you exist has kept me alive. How’s that?

Rita can’t even speak. This is clearly the nicest thing anybody has ever said to anybody.

Mary the piano teacher notices Phil.

MARY

Phil!

(to her friend)

This is the guy.

PHIL

Hello, Mary. Rita, this is one of Punxsey’s finest musicians.

MARY

Give me a break. You should talk. Why don’t you play something?

PHIL

No, I—

MARY

Please.

FRED

Hey, Mr. Connors. Go for it.

Phil looks at Rita. She nods and shrugs.

Phil walks up to the platform and sits at the piano. He begins to play a slow, serious, classical piece. Everyone falls silent. It’s so beautiful, Rita is almost in tears.

Then, after a pause to let the serious notes sink in, Phil transforms the piece into a fast, lively, upbeat jazz romp. Everyone is delighted, and as the rest of the band kicks in, everyone grabs a partner and begins to dance.

An old coot, UNCLE LEO, grabs Rita and the two of them dance up a storm.

LEO

That’s a great guy you’ve got there. Doctor Connors fixed my back, you know.

RITA

Doctor Connors? Rita looks over at Phil, joyously playing the piano.

Essence: Rita sees Phil isn’t as selfish and cynical as he was” the day” before. This is really the first time that Phil is seen putting other people’s needs above his own. It’s also the first time that he sees the results of not being as self-serving as he’s always been. He’s liked, he’s really liked – and he likes the feeling.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope McPherson

I agree to the terms of this release form:

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s outline – pass 1

What I learned: Going the passes route makes so much sense! Still lots to do, of course, but now at least I’m at a great starting spot.

Title: A Merry Little Kidnapping

Concept: A princess is abducted and held for a $2 million ransom, but before the kidnappers discover she’s just a kid who aged out of foster care, she must escape – or come up with the ransom.

Genre: Comedy

Outline

Act 1

INT. DORM ROOM – DAY

Princess Rowena Louisa Victoria has the campus practically to herself during Christmas break.

Hope: The college president calls to make sure she has everything she needs; commiserates that she couldn’t travel to Europe over the break. She tells him that she’ll be facetiming to her royal parents right after she hangs up. They are taking a break from their royal duties to spend as much time as they can this Christmas Eve.

He assures her food services will has a Christmas feast in store for her tomorrow, Christmas Day.

Threat: A radio report playing in the background warns of a major snowstorm heading for the city.

After the call, the princess breaks down in tears. No facetiming. Snow is falling.

EXT. VAN – DAY

Danger: On the street in front of the campus, two low-level thugs, Hugh and Clash, plot to make easy extra Christmas money. Abduct the princess, get her back to their hideout, and give the royal family 48 hours to come up with $2 million for her release. They park near her dorm.

The snow has picked up. Thicker now. Clash argues they should call off the abduction because of the weather. Hugh insists they go forward with it.

They next argue about how to get her back to their hideout to contact her family.

INT. UNIVERSITY CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY

Beginning: Roger, a custodian, is cleaning up after his retirement party. A banner hangs on the wall congratulating him on his retirement after 25 years.

It’s his final job to do at the college. He’s depressed and cranky about being forced to retire.

EXT. CAMPUS – DAY

Turning point: Clash and Hugh climb out of the van and enter the dorm.

EXT. CAMPUS – DAY

Turning point: Roger exits a building and sees the strange van. He looks inside. It’s empty, but ropes and a blanket are in the back.

His boss radios him to tell him to lock up and go home due to the worsening snowstorm.

INT. DORM – DAY

Clash and Hugh look for the princess’ dorm room. Hugh has the school newspaper, which has a front-page article about the princess in front of her dorm room. The door is decorated.

They finally see the door and knock.

Inciting incident: Princess Rowena opens the door. They shove their way inside. They wear ski masks and have guns.

They order the princess to call her parents. They demand $2 million for her release.

She refuses. Makes excuses about why she can’t call them.

Turning point: Clash and Hugh are flustered. Clash says argues they should call it off. Hugh dope slaps him. Too late now! They force her out of the dorm room and into the hallway. They’ll get her to call her parents

EXT. DORM – DAY

Clash and Hugh hustle her to the van. The snow is coming down hard.

They get her into the van, forcing her into the back. Hugh sits beside her, gun in her side.

Clash tries to back up, but the van is stuck. The tires spin.

The kidnappers argue. The van is snowed in, and they realize they must get the princess out of the van and back into the dorm. They aren’t sure what to do. They argue about staying with the van until it stops or returning to the dorm. Clash wins this one and they get the princess out of the van. They head back into the dorm.

Exiting a nearby building, Roger sees them with Princess Rowena . Roger is confused, not recognizing the men. He tries to call out to his boss on his radio, but just static! He heads into another building.

Turning point: Blizzard conditions. The lights in the parking lot go out. The kidnappers struggle to the princess back into the dorm.

INT. DORM ENTRYWAY LOUNGE – DUSK

Lights out, it’s eerily quiet with no sound of a furnace or central air. Clash and Hugh hurry the princess back to her room.

Act 2

INT. DORM ROOM – DAY

Midpoint: The kidnappers order her into a chair. Give her another chance to call her parents via cell phone. She refuses and promises not to tell anyone if they leave. They can get home to spend Christmas with their families, she says. Don’t they want to spend Christmas with their families? Clash softens, mentions his daughter the college student.

But they tie her up.

Hugh lashes out. He points out that the van is snowed in. The princess offers to help them dig it out, if they just leave. Nope, but they leave the princess tied up and head back outside to dig out the van.

EXT. DORM PARKING LOT – DAY

Hugh and Clash try to dig out the van with their feet, hands, whatever. But the snow comes down hard and they can’t get the wheels clear.

EXT. DORM PARKING LOT – DAY

Roger sees them; realizes the princess isn’t with them. He angles around, avoiding their line of sight and gets into the dorm.

INT. DORM ROOM – DAY

Princess Rowena gets her hands free and unties herself. As she’s about to leave the room, the phone rings. She answers: The university president is calling to make sure she’s okay. He knows the power is out. He offers to get into a 4-wheel drive truck and get over there as soon as he can.

She doesn’t say anything about the kidnappers! She tells him she always wanted to camp, but never did as a child. She’s happy for the a short little adventure.

The president says he’ll call in the morning. Call over, Princess Rowena grabs a coat and runs to the door. She hears someone coming. She runs the opposite direction as Roger comes around the corner, using a cell phone flashlight.

INT. DORM ROOM — DAY

Midpoint: Roger gets to her room and sees she’s escaped. When he returns to the door, he hears the kidnappers returning. He runs the opposite direction.

He starts looking for her while avoiding the kidnappers who just returned!

INT. DORM HALLWAY – DAY

Princess Rowena tries every door. All locked! She keeps running. She finally hides in a supply closet, cold and scared.

INT. DORM HALLWAY – DAY

Clash and Hugh discover she’s gotten away. They hunt for her, angry and desperate, tossing blame back and forth.

INT. SUPPLY CLOSET – DAY

Princess Rowena hears footsteps outside the closet door. The footsteps stop, the doorknob turns. The door opens. It’s Roger!

He see her and motions her to be quiet and together they sneak out – just before Clash and Hugh turn down that hallway.

INT. DORM HALLWAY – DAY

Midpoint: Roger and the princess hide elsewhere in the dorm. Roger assures the Princess Rowena that he can get to a landline phone, which should still be working, to call the police. The princess doesn’t want to act rashly. She wants to get off campus, forget the whole thing, not create a crisis for her little nation or the royal family.

Confused, Roger reminds her about the storm/blizzard outside. Peanuts, she says. Her nation has mountains, and she’s been in plenty of snow. She’s sure she can get through it and get off campus. Roger insists that he go with her.

EXT. CAMPUS – DAY

Outside, the snowstorm is deadly! Whiteout conditions as the princess and Roger struggle to see where they are. They get separated, the wind howls, they must find each other quickly – or freeze to death.

INT. DORM HALLWAY – NIGHT

Hugh and Clash find the open supply closet door and realize the princess is no longer inside the dorm. They race to the exit.

EXT. CAMPUS – NIGHT

Hope: The princess and Roger find each other just outside the campus library. Roger doesn’t look too good. They hear Clash and Hugh in the distance, hunting for the princess. The princess suggests they hide in the library. Roger pulls out a heavy key chain and soon they’re stumbling into the library’s main entrance.

INT. DORM HALLWAY – NIGHT

Hugh and Clash start a search, but quickly turn back. They can’t see anything. They try to get back into the dorm, but the entrance has automatically locked. They’re forced to schlep to the van and dig out the door enough to get inside. Its doors are frozen shut. Some heaving, kicking, yanking, and falling finally gets them inside. They search at daylight. The snowstorm continues.

Act 3

INT. CAMPUS LIBRARY– NIGHT

Hope: The princess helps Roger to a chair. He doesn’t look good. Roger pleads with her to call the police from a library landline to save herself. She refuses. He presses. She says she’s going to find the staff room kitchen, see if there’s food in a fridge.

INT. CAMPUS LIBRARY– NIGHT

Reveal: The princess returns with a half-box of crackers. He comments on this being a rotten Christmas Eve for her. He asks if her parents would expect to hear from her on Christmas Eve. She says they’re at their chalet and they aren’t expecting a call until Christmas Day.

She asks if his family would be worried about him now. Roger says his wife and daughter died years ago in a car accident. Holidays alone.

They sleep in chairs, doing their best to stay warm. The electricity returns. A low level of light returns in the library. The furnace starts reheating the building. They sleep on.

EXT. CAMPUS – DAY

Hugh and Clash are huddled together under a dirty blanket in the van. Daylight has reappeared. Clash wants to jump ship; they’ll never find the princess. Hugh looks out the window, sees footsteps through the snow going to the library.

EXT. CAMPUS LIBRARY – DAY

Danger: Hugh and Clash peer through the library windows – and see the princess and Roger sleeping in chairs! They yank on the doors. Locked! The princess and Roger are jolted awake. They run deeper into the library, out of sight.

Hugh runs back toward the van to get a crowbar.

INT. LIBRARY – DAY

Dilemma: Roger runs to a counter and grabs a receiver to call the cops. The princess yells, no!, and disconnects his call. She can’t call the police, she admits.

Hey … Her voice is different. Roger notices.

Major shift/reveal: The princess confesses: Her real name is Merry Rowe. She’s not a princess; she’s just hacker who doesn’t want to go to jail for fraud. She wants to disappear, start over again.

New plan: She wants to get to the library’s lower floor to a high-tech computer equipment lab. She picked up hacking skills in high school and she knows how to become someone new. She pleads with Roger not to call the cops until she disappears. Roger is stunned – and offended. He reads her the riot act until they hear Hugh start smashing the window with a crowbar.

INT. LIBRARY STAIRWAY – DAY

Merry and Roger head downstairs to the computer lab. He’s out of breath and looking even greyer. He asks her why she did it.

Merry hems and haws, finally admits she aged out of the foster care system and had nowhere to go. She had taught herself hacking skills in high school and realized she could be anyone she wanted to be.

INT. LIBRARY COMPUTER LAB – DAY

Dilemma: Merry and Roger get to the computer lab. Roger is grey. He collapses, heart stopped!

Merry sees the sign on the wall for the AED heart defibrillator and its red box. She grabs it off the wall and gets it to Roger’s side.

EXT. CAMPUS – DAY

Clash and Hugh break through the window and keep smashing with the crowbar.

INT. LIBRARY COMPUTER LAB – DAY

Merry opens the AED, pulls out the pads, and follows the directions. The AED and delivers a shock. It works! Roger opens his eyes.

EXT. CAMPUS – DAY

Hugh makes the hole large enough for them to get inside. The kidnappers shove their way in.

INT. LIBRARY COMPUTER LAB – DAY

Merry hears the kidnappers yelling from upstairs. Roger is groggy, but she drags him to behind a counter. She runs back for the AED, just in case. His eyes roll back …

Act 4

INT. LIBRARY – DAY

Clash and Hugh shout instructions to each other to search the main floor. No princess. They race to the stairway. They are about to split up, one to run upstairs and the other to race downstairs when they hear … somewhere a disembodied voice is instructing to “clear” and “don’t touch the patient.”

They run down the steps.

INT. LIBRARY COMPUTER LAB – DAY

Merry is with Roger behind the counter. Clash and Hugh find them quickly. PLACEHOLDER: Have her lay in wait for them? Throw a laptop at them?

Clash grabs the princess/Merry . She shoves him away, saying she’s helping Roger. Hugh pulls his gun. Aims at Roger. They insist on her attention. If they have to kill the guy, they will.

New plan: Merry blurts out that she’s not a princess! She has no money.

Clash and Hugh are silent. Then Hugh laughs. He doesn’t believe her! He cocks the gun, aims at Roger, who’s coming around.

Merry tries again. She looks them in the eye and challenges them to listen to her talk: No accent. She admits she was just a foster kid who aged out of the system.

Unpredictable: Angry, Hugh aims the gun at her. He gave up his Christmas for this?! He’s going to kill them both!

Mind game: Merry calmly tells him that they were thinking peanuts with $2 million. She can get them more. Even her persona has morphed from royalty to tough kid.

They’re listening.

Clash says they need to hurry and get out of there, with the snowstorm ended.

Final plan: Merry tells them they don’t have much time. And she can get them $4 million – by hacking.

Climax/ultimate expression of the conflict: With the power back on, Merry explains micro-deductions – from millions of bank accounts. She convinces them to give her their bank account numbers. She’ll prove it works. Hugh warns her that if it doesn’t work, they’ll both be dead.

With a few deft keystrokes, she takes less than $1 from each account. She tells them she can run a script that pulls micro-deductions from millions of account owners. She deposits $9,050 into each of their accounts.

They’re furious! They want more than $10,000 for their trouble. Merry explains more than $10,000 deposits must be reported to the IRS. She’s keeping them under the radar. You’re welcome.

Psychological: Roger’s radio cackles to life. His boss knows he never left campus. Asks him to check in on Princess Rowena to make sure she’s OK given the snow storm. Roger is still groggy. Merry grabs the radio, talks as the princess. Says she’s with Roger now in the library, and he had a heart attack. Get medics there as soon as possible!

The kidnappers are furious. One hits Merry . They tell her to get working or die.

Theft: Merry runs the script and they see millions of dollars being racked up in an off-shore account. She’ll give them the account number once the kidnappers get off the campus, she says. She hands them a thumb drive; tells them to text her once they are gone. They’re skeptical.

Merry assures them that she’ll be right behind them. Now that her secret is out, she needs to disappear again, start over as someone else.

The sounds of people shouting from upstairs in the library are heard.

Campus Security’s cameras must be back online, too, Merry says. No doubt the cops are with them.

Hugh and Clash snatch the thumb drive and run for a back exit. Once they’re gone, Merry adds another thumb drive to the laptop, makes a few more key strokes.

Footsteps, lots of noise, shouts from the stairway.

The campus president, two medics, and two cops rush into the computer lab. The president goes straight to Merry . She points at Roger, says (with accent back) to help him.

Impending doom: The medics and cops turn their attention to Roger. The president dotes on the “princess,” asking if she’s all right. Wants to know what happened and why are they in the library – and what happened to the main entrance?

Merry, as Princess Rowena , starts spinning a tale.

Unpredictability: From the ground, Roger croaks out that Princess Rowena is a con artist. She doesn’t exist. They need to arrest her!

Threat: All eyes are now on Merry . The cops stand up and turn her way.

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY

Helpless: Merry, wearing a jail jumpsuit, sits at a table. Her clueless public defender leafs through a folder.

Merry Rowe? He asks. She says, yes, that’s the name they gave her when she was found as a newborn behind a building on Christmas Eve. Merry Christmas, huh?

Unpredictable: A knock on the door. A cop pokes her head in, says Merry is free to go. All charges have been dropped.

The public defender can’t get out of their fast enough. Lucky her, he says. He hopes never to see her again.

INT. JAIL HALLWAY – DAY

Hope: Merry picks up her belongings at the little window. She sees the university president and Roger, who’s using a cane.

She apologizes and admits she doesn’t understand why she’s out.

The president explains the police discovered that no money was stolen. Micro-deductions came out of millions of accounts (even his), but they were also quickly re-deposited. Roger adds that he knows she put all that money back after Hugh and Clash ran off. The cops are still looking for them.

The president asks her why did she go to his college? She had the skills to be anywhere.

The college was as close as she could get to “coming home,” she says. That’s where she had been abandoned, 20 years earlier.

Roger’s mouth drops open. He had been heading back to the facilities office when he heard what he thought was a kitten. It was a baby. He’d always wondered what had happened to the baby he had found.

EXT. CITY SIDEWALK –DAY

Roger asks Merry where she’s going to go next. She’s not sure – but she has some money. She “fined” Hugh and Clash for their trouble. She removed money from their accounts? Roger asks. Yup.

The college president suggests whatever she does, she not be late back to class after Christmas break. The college has a great scholarship for former foster kids, and he’s heard that the Computer Department is always looking for student workers!

EXT. CITY SIDEWALK ATM– DAY

Hugh and Clash keep their backs turned to the street. They need to grab some of their newfound cash, get out of town and then get the windfall offshore. Hugh’s ATM card is spit back out – insufficient funds. What the – ? Clash shoves Hugh aside and tries his card. Same result. They’re furious!

A police car rolls to a stop and the cops climb out.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s budget

What I learned: It was good to look at the components as having dollar signs attached. In previous scripts, I didn’t consider the components with this much care (i.e., no care), even though I don’t tend to write big explosions and such (a few crowd scenes, kids, animals). This exercise does, though, make me consider other options, which in turn forces creativity.

Main variables

· # of locations: one location (a campus); four scene locations on that campus

· Expensive locations: A college campus?

· # of characters: Four main roles; three bit parts

· Special effects: snowstorm

· # of pages: 90-95

· Crowd scenes: N/A

· Stunts, chases, fights: N/A

· Special sets: N/A

Secondary variables

· Rights to music: Unknown, but nothing special needed.

· Explosions: N/A

· Kids/animals: N/A

· Weather: Snowstorm

· Water: N/A

· Night scenes: One

· Helicopters/drone shots: An aerial campus shot via drone.

· Green screen: For blizzard

· Extensive makeup: Too make characters look cold?

· Archival footage: N/A

· Danger shots: One door smashed open

The biggest expense I see now is the snowstorm, and because this story needs a storm to set up an empty campus, I’ve considered other ways to put a character is a deserted location. Maybe the campus needs to be somewhere else – perhaps a hotel, or all-girls school.

I can probably do without the university president actually being onscreen, and maybe the two walk-on cops could be eliminated. I’m happy to say even as I work on the initial pieces of the script, I’ve been trying to eliminate as much as possible.

2. Quadrupled budget additions:

My primary additions would be for A-list actors for two of the four main roles, and probably for really good music to be used, and aerial shots of the attempted escape.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope writes great hope/fear

What I learned: I loved this assignment, and ping-ponging from emotion to emotion is a great way to ramp up the tensions. Still far, far to go, but it’s taking shape!

Concept: A princess/college student is abducted and held for $5 million ransom, but the kidnappers become trapped when a snow storm shuts down the city.

Main conflict: The princess is an imposter and if the kidnappers discover she’s a hacker/foster kid, she becomes expendable and will be killed.

Act 1

Hope: Princess Rowena Louisa Victoria of the Elsterborn Isles talks to the university president via phone, assuring him that she’ll be just fine – even though she’s not flying to Europe to be with the royal family over Christmas break.

Threat: A radio report warns of a major snowstorm heading for the city.

Hope: The university president tells Princess Rowena to call him if she needs anything, anything at all. He assures her that food services will have one of the head cooks prepare her meals each day, and he’ll check in on her every evening.

Danger: Two low-level thugs, Hugh and Clash, decide to freelance and make some easy money; they plan to abduct the princess, get her back to their hideout, and give her royal family 48 hours to come up with $2 million for her release. They park near her dorm. The snowstorm has begun.

Hope: Roger, a longtime university custodian, is cleaning up after his retirement party. He sees the thugs’ van and knows it doesn’t belong. He watches it until his boss radios him to tell him to leave the rest due to the worsening storm.

Hope: Clash argues they should call off the abduction because of the weather. Hugh insists they go forward with it. It’s not a sporting event that gets called due to weather, he says.

Danger: Hugh and Clash enter the dorm, find the princess, and nab her. They put a bag over her head and warn her that if she screams, they’ll kill her.

Hope: Roger braves the snowstorm and checks out the van. It’s empty, but he sees ropes and blanket in the back.

Trapped: Under blizzard conditions, Hugh and Clash carry the princess to the van, but the van is snowed in. They argue about staying with the van until it stops or returning to the dorm.

Hope: Roger realizes what’s happening. He tries to call out on his radio, but just static!

Trapped: The kidnappers take the princess back inside. The snow rages and – suddenly! – no power, no lights, no heat.

Act 2

Hope: Princess Rowena reasons with the kidnappers; Clash is sympathetic.

Unpredictability: Hugh lashes out. He and Clash fight; Hugh wins and they stick with the plan.

Isolation: They leave Princess Rowena tied up and alone as they try to dig out the van.

Hope: Princess Rowena gets herself loose. She runs deeper into the dark dorm.

Trapped: All the other dorm rooms are locked.

Impending doom: Hugh and Clash return, unsuccessful. They’re mad and desperate when they realize she’s gone.

Hope: She hides in a cleaning supplies closet, but cold and scared.

Impending doom: She hears footsteps outside the closet door. She knows someone’s there. The footsteps stop, the doorknob turns.

Hope: Roger opens the door! He motions her to be quiet and together they sneak out – just before Clash and Hugh reach that hallway.

Act 3

Hope: Roger and Princess Rowena leave the building.

Dangerous: Outside, the snowstorm is deadly! Whiteout conditions as they struggle toward the campus library. Princess Rowena and Roger get separated and must find each other quickly.

Impending doom: Hugh and Clash realize the princess is no longer inside. They race to the exit.

Hope: Together again, Roger and the princess reach the library. Roger has a card key that unlocks the door. They stumble inside. The snow has stopped.

Unpredictability: Roger wants to call the police from his cell phone, but the princess won’t let him. She doesn’t want the police or campus security called.

Hope: The power returns. The inside of the library begins to warm up and there’s a low level of light to see by.

Incompatibility: Clash wants to cut his losses and leave. But Hugh is adamant: He wants a $2 million ransom!

Impending doom: Hugh grabs a tire iron from the van. He and Clash follow the footsteps of the princess and Roger through the snow. They see she’s not alone.

Hope: The princess tells Roger she wants to get to the high-tech computer equipment in the library basement. They race for the stairway – as

Attack: Hugh swings the tire iron at the window and the kidnappers smash their way inside. They run downstairs and catch the princess and Roger!

Increasing tension: Clash points a gun at the princess and Roger. Hugh screams that they want $2 million from the princess’ family and they should kill Roger here and now for interfering.

Unpredictability: The princess jumps between Hugh and Roger. Hugh orders her aside, but Princess Rowena confesses her real name is Ruby Doe. She has no inheritance. She’s a hacker/ former foster kid who aged out of the system. She’s been impersonating a princess.

Unpredictability: The kidnappers don’t believe her! They shove her aside and again aim the gun at Roger.

Mind game: Rowena/Ruby challenges them to listen to her accent – now the same as theirs. Even her persona has morphed from royalty to tough kid.

Unpredictable: Hugh aims the gun at her again. He’s done playing the game. He’s cutting his losses!

Act 4

Conspiracy: Ruby tells them they are thinking too low with $2 million. With her hacker skills, she can get them $4 million in a few hours – double what they planned.

Psychological: Roger’s radio cackles to life. His boss knows he never left campus. Asks him to check in on Princess Rowena to make sure she’s OK given the snow storm. Roger says he’s with the princess now and she’s all right. Roger’s boss says the college president wants him to

Hope: Hugh and Clash give her two hours.

Conflict: Roger pleads with Ruby not to do this; he’s angry that she lied to him – to the whole college – since arriving in the fall. Ruby tells Roger to shut up and let her work.

Theft: Ruby explains that she’s got a script that can make micro deductions (i.e., less than a dollar) from millions of compromised bank accounts. The account holders won’t notice or care. Hugh and Clash finally believe her. She gets to work.

Double-cross: Ruby convinces Hugh and Clash to give her their bank account numbers. She explains she will put less than $10,000 into their accounts to keep the IRS from being tipped off. Then – after they release Roger – she’ll put the rest into off shore accounts for them.

Ticking clock: Roger’s boss radios again that he’s 4-wheel driving in with the college president, who wants to check on the princess himself, because she’s not answering her mobile phone.

Conspiracy: Hugh and Clash see $9,000+ hit their bank accounts! Ruby assures them the rest will be in their new accounts once Roger is freed.

Hope: Ruby asks Roger to trust her, even though she’s not given him a reason to. She promises to make everything right.

Opposing needs/desires: Roger is free to go, but he won’t leave Ruby. Irritated, Ruby seems to do a little more hacker magic. She’s done, she tells Hugh and Clash.

Impending doom: Shouts heard from upstairs in the library as people see the damage and enter.

Left alone: Ruby hands Hugh and Clash a thumb drive, telling them all the info and account numbers for their off-shore accounts is on it. They race out the back of the building.

Double-cross: As they leave, Ruby makes a couple more key strokes.

Trapped: A couple police officers and the university president arrive. Ruby has no where to go and she knows it.

Resolution: Ruby is in handcuffs, arrested for fraud and robbing the banks. The president is offended and angry. Roger has calmed down, since she saved his life.

Ruby explains that no banks were robbed. She reversed the micro withdrawals. The thumb drive won’t get Hugh and Clash anything. She apologizes to the president of the university, explaining that she’d come to this university because it was like coming home: As a child, she had been abandoned there.

Turns out Roger was a young custodian at the time and he found her. He’d always wondered what had become of her.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s 4-act structure

What I learned: I need to make this 10x harder for all the characters. By dropping the pieces into the structure, not only did this help form the skeleton (a good thing!), but it also revealed the weak spots.

Concept: A princess/college student is abducted and held for $5 million ransom, but the kidnappers become trapped when a snow storm shuts down the city.

Main conflict: The princess is an imposter and if the kidnappers discover she’s a hacker/foster kid, she becomes expendable and will be killed.

Act 1

Opening: Princess Rowena Louisa Victoria of the Elsterborn Isles is the only student on campus over Christmas break, and she’s having the time of her life, being waited on by a skeleton crew.

Inciting incident: She is abducted and the kidnappers demand $5 million in 48 hours or they will kill her.

Turning point: A huge snow storm shuts down the campus and city, leaving the kidnappers stuck with no power, lights, or heat.

Act 2

New plan: Princess Rowena escapes into the snowstorm.

Plan in action: She’s disoriented and freezing; the kidnappers are closing in on her.

Midpoint turning point: Roger, a campus custodian, saves her and they hide in the cafeteria.

Act 3

Rethink everything: The princess wants to get to some high-tech computer equipment in the library basement, and Roger says he can get her into the locked building.

New plan: Get past the kidnappers and to the library.

Turning point/huge failure/major shift: The snow has stopped, Princess Rowena and Roger slog through the deep snow to the library. But Roger has a heart attack. He wants the princess to save herself and leave him. She confesses she’s not a princess but a hacker named Ruby Doe, as the kidnappers close in.

Act 4

Final plan: Ruby tells the kidnappers that she will contact her father from the library, but only if they help Roger, too.

Climax/ultimate expression of the conflict: Ruby uses a satellite phone to call her “father, the crown prince of the Elsterborn Isles.” She gets them back outside with the phone, where she can make the call. But when the kidnappers realize they’ve been duped, she locks them outside.

Resolution: She had really called the college president, who knew there was trouble and called the police. The police arrive to arrest the kidnappers, still unable to get off the campus.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s delivering multiple layers

What I learned: This was an interesting assignment. As I brainstormed, several of the scenes to come – and the outline to come – began to emerge. I loved the act of discovery and I loved knowing that nothing is locked in at this point. I can and will continue to explore and discover as I shore up the evolving story.

Plot layers:

· Surface layer: Countess Rowena is kidnapped and held for $5 million.

· Beneath that: Countess Rowena is a broke hacker/orphan.

· How revealed: She confesses to Roger when he wants to sacrifice his life to save hers.

Character layers:

· Surface layer: Countess Rowena is a wealthy heiress.

· Beneath that: Countess Rowena is a hacker/foster kid who aged out of the system.

· How revealed: She confesses to Roger when he wants to sacrifice his life for hers.

Location layers:

· Surface layer: A university closed for Christmas break.

· Beneath that: The place where Ruby was abandoned as a newborn; and years later, where Ruby and kidnapper Hugh’s daughter attended the same class.

· How revealed: At the end, when Ruby explains why she was “coming home”; and when Hugh mentions the high cost of tuition at the school.

[Hope McPherson]

Lesson 5

Hope’s character journeys

What I learned: Comparing the character’s journeys – seeing who is where when and doing what to drive conflict and story – was very, very helpful. I felt like this is an invaluable way to stay on track and make sure the pieces are fitting together at this point.

3-act journey for Ruby

Beginning: Countess Rowena (aka Ruby) has the campus practically to herself during Christmas break. The college president calls to make sure she has everything she needs; commiserates that she couldn’t travel to Europe over the break.

Turning point: Clash and Hugh kidnap her (lay in wait or break into her dorm?) She’s ordered to call her parents; they demand $5 million for her release. But a snowstorm prevents them from getting her off campus.

Midpoint: With the city in a whiteout, Roger sneaks Countess Rowena out of the dorm room, through the snow, to the library. Roger says if he can get her to the facilities building across campus, he can contact the police via satellite radio.

Dilemma: Countess Rowena helps Roger after he has a minor heart attack, she admits to Roger that she’s not a countess (i.e., no $5 million); she’s a hacker/foster kid who aged out of the system.

3rd act climax: Ruby is caught by the kidnappers. She demands they let her help Roger because he can get them to the satellite radio on which can call her “rich parents.” Instead she calls the college president? Pretends that he’s her father, tells him that he must send $5 million for her release. (Or she hacks into a bank to steal money for the ransom?)

Ending: Ruby admits she’s not an heiress and has no money/wealthy parents. The kidnappers don’t believe her. She and Roger team up to finally defeat them. Then the police — and college president — arrive. Ruby admits who she really is.

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3-act journey for Clash and Hugh

Beginning: Clash and Hugh scope out the campus and see Countess Rowena alone. As the snowstorm begins, they argue about how they’ll get her off campus and back to their hideout so they can contact her family to demand $5 million.

Turning point: They see their chance and they knock out the countess. They get her to their van, but the snowstorm has hit and the van is snowed in. They must get the countess out of the van and back to the dorm. They aren’t sure what to do: No phone service; no electricity; no heat.

Midpoint: As they decide they must dig out the van. They discover Rowena is gone (Roger gets Rowena/Ruby untied and out of the room), the kidnappers follow tracks through the storm to the library.

Dilemma: Clash or Hugh continue to fight; Clash wants to cut his losses and run. Hugh demands that they keep going. They find them again, but Roger has collapsed. They want only Rowena/Ruby, but she demands they let her help Roger.

3rd act climax: They agree to take Rowena/Ruby and Roger to the Facilities building, where the satellite phone is. They demand she call her father and get the money. She seems to.

Ending: They hear from Ruby that she’s actually called the police and she’s not an heiress. They argue again; Hugh finally leaves, but he’s stopped by the police outside and Clash is arrested inside.

3-act journey for Roger

Beginning: He’s cleaning up after his retirement party, knowing it’s his final job to do at the college. He’s depressed and cranky about it.

Turning point: He investigates a strange van in the parking lot; sees Clash and Hugh with the Countess Rowena and realizes she’s being kidnapped.

Midpoint: Roger waits till Countess Rowena is alone and he gets her untied and out of the dorm room (while Clash and Hugh are trying to dig out the van). No heat and no lights! They must avoid the parking lot and Roger uses his cardkey to get them into the library.

Dilemma: Due to the struggle across the snowbound campus, Roger has a minor heart attack in the library. Roger is incapacitated; Rowena confesses that she’s not an heiress, just a hacker/former foster kid. He’s angry, but tells her about the satellite phone. If they can make it to the facilities building, they can call the police.

3rd act climax: The kidnappers find Roger and Rowena. He doesn’t want her to tell them about the phone and he’s angry when she does. Roger and Rowena/Ruby are taken to the facilities building.

Ending: Roger helps Rowena/Ruby make the call; the police come and arrest the kidnappers.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s character depth

What I learned: Searching for the depth in the character uncovered a lot of possibilities, not such for them but it also opened up avenues to take the script as I build an outline soon. Without this step, I think the whole story would have devolved into predictable blah.

Main characters: Ruby, Clash (kidnapper), Hugh (kidnapper), Roger (custodian)

Ruby is a college student who impersonates an heiress, is kidnapped, and held for ransom.

· Wound: A foster kid who aged out of the system.

· Hidden agenda: Escape and then disappear again.

· Conspiracy: She and Roger work together to survive the kidnappers.

· Intrigue: If Ruby can get to a computer once the power returns, she can hack into a bank and steal the ransom – and keep her secret safe.

Clash and Hugh kidnap an “heiress,” but before they get her off the campus, the city is shut down in a snowstorm.

· Secret: Clash is a family man, who’ll do anything for his daughter, recently diagnosed with diabetes. Hugh lost his family (wife and two kids) to his gambling addiction.

· Wound: Clash was recently fired from a job at the USPS, losing his and his family’s health insurance. Hugh is a high school dropout, always looking for his big payday.

· Layers: Clash begins to suspect Ruby isn’t who she says she is.

· Conspiracy: Kidnap an heiress and demand $5 million in ransom.

· Secret identity: Does Hugh make a deal with the police to turn in Clash?

Roger is a university custodian who helps Ruby escape/defeat the kidnappers.

· Secret: He is being forcibly retired at the end of the year.

· Wound: He blames himself for the deaths of his wife and daughter.

· Conflict: Deeply offended when he learns the truth about Ruby.

· Hidden agenda: Get to a satellite radio in the facilities building to call the cops.

· Conspiracy: He and Ruby work together to save themselves.

· Dilemma: Roger loses his heat medication and can’t exert himself safely.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s right characters

What I learned: Having the hook in front of me helped as I thought about ways the main characters can impact the story. In every case, the characters are different than what I at first thought they’d be. This feels like the first step in creating them, and I look forward to more.

Main characters: Ruby, Clash (kidnapper), Hugh (kidnapper), Roger (custodian)

Ruby Doe/Countess Rowena Louisa Margarite of Von Doeburgen

· A hacker who convinced the university she’s a wealthy heiress.

· She aged out of the foster system and has no real family.

· She has no attachments.

4. Ruby is right for this story, because she never belonged anywhere and, as a foster kid, had to be self-sufficient from an early age. If anyone can get out of this, she will.

Clash and Hugh

· Are desperate for money: Clash to pay for his daughter’s surgery, Hugh to pay off a loan shark.

· Clash is a conspiracy theorist who read about the princess online.

· Hugh has a gambling addiction and he’ll bet on anything.

· They are cousins and optimists for no reason whatsoever, given their luck.

4. Clash and Hugh are hapless criminals. Nothing goes right for them, but that doesn’t mean they won’t keep trying. This will be a sure bet, they think.

Roger

· Crotchety, with little patience.

· Has worked for the college for 25 years. He knows the entire campus.

· He has a bad heart; must take medications every day.

· Recently widowed, he is estranged from his only child, a daughter.

4. If anyone can make a connection with Ruby, it would be Roger. If he can get out of his own way. He’s had a lot of loss in his life, too, and his job at the campus is the only thing giving him a reason to get up in the morning.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s great hook

A. This process was confusing for me (at first and at second). I got myself buried in the weeds and it took me a while to climb back out. I may still have some grass in my hair. Once I slowed down, when back to the five original ideas from the pre-lesson, I was able to see things more clearly. From there, it was a lot of swapping and reminding myself to make things 10x more difficult and that I didn’t have to figure out anything at this point.

B. I learned that of those five pre-ideas, three have merit and two of those are concepts I want to pursue. In one case, I’m already into a script that I can use these new lessons in. However, it was another concept that I want to use throughout this class. Changing out components made it stronger and stronger.

I’m not posting my laundry list of component switching here, but I’m keeping every bit of it. In fact, my strongest concept was morphed from a concept list I did during MSC8. It’s always stuck in my head and using these techniques brought it back to live and fleshed it out.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope’s Guidelines for BAREFOOT

(Note, I think this is our lesson 1, right? The other — with our five concepts — was the pre-lesson.)

What I learned: I chose a film that was pretty typical but was really surprised once I broke it down with how many individuals were in the shots, as well as the untold numbers behind the scenes. With the vaccines now available and the country wading out of the pandemic, I’m certain the filmmakers will start to loosen some things up. BUT those characters cost money. The extras were perhaps volunteers, but they still cost money and time for the production. This lesson put that front and center for me.

Part one

I generated all five ideas to be contained, but my second idea would be the simplest of all to use for this course (and as a spec script once complete).

A) One location: a college campus closed for Christmas break (i.e., very, very few people there).

B) The idea is simple: A kidnapping that’s escape plan has fallen apart. Yes, pitchable, for sure.

C) Unique that it’s at Christmas, with an heiress who turns out to be a badass.

Part two

BAREFOOT

As produced

A. People

· Leads: Daisy and Jay; hospital staff: Dr. Bertleman, Jay’s father and mother

· Supporting roles: two nurses, four psych patients; loan shark and two goons; Jay’s brother/groom and his bride

B. Stunts

· Jay is attacked a few times by goons and must escape.

· Lots of stunt driving while he and Daisy are running from the law.

· Daisy runs a bus into a brick wall.

C. Extras

· Psych hospital patients.

· Crowded strip joint, with dancers.

· Wedding rehearsal dinner with lots of people; wedding guests in church and at reception, including a live band.

· Country fair filled with fairgoers; a family with kids at a campground.

D. Wardrobe

· Jay and Daisy nominal outfits, although Daisy wears borrowed strippers’ clothes for a time. Both must dress formally for the wedding, as do his parents, the bridal couple, and all the wedding guests.

E. Hair and makeup

· Nothing too special.

F. Kids and animals

· Two or three sleeping kids in one scene; no animals.

G. Quarantine

· A small city of people in quarantine.

Following COVID-19 guidelines

A. People

· Leads: Daisy and Jay remain

· Supporting roles: Keeping Dr. Bertleman and Jay’s parents still seems nec., but the loan shark could be via phone and the goons’ presence can be shown through tension. Not sure the brother’s wedding is nec.

B. Stunts

· Jay’s attacks could be offscreen.

· Eliminate the v visible cross-country drive, and drop Daisy ramming the wall.

C. Extras

· Psych hospital patients.

· Show the protagonists leaving the strip joint rather than have scenes in two locations inside.

· Eliminating the wedding gets rid of A LOT of extras and the band.

· The country fair could be a road-side stand to get to the goal for the characters.

D. Wardrobe

· No change, but eliminating the wedding means no more expensive formal wear.

E. Hair and makeup

· No change.

F. Kids and animals

· Eliminate the kids, who don’t do anything anyway.

G. Quarantine

· Now, while still need people in quarantine, the number would be significantly less.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by  Hope McPherson.

[Hope McPherson]

Sorry, just saw this. (And tonight would have worked just fine …) I sent you a FB friend request, thinking that we could communication through that. I can message you my number that way or or we can use FB’s call feature.

[Hope McPherson]

George, I just sent you a FB friend request. We can do a call through FB, either voice or video. Let me know which you’d like to do and what your available times are this weekend.

[Hope McPherson]

George, yes, let’s pair up on this. You have a comedy piece, too, so this makes a lot of sense. I think I can IM you my number. I can be available Friday evening or Saturday evening or Sunday afternoon.

[Hope McPherson]

Katt, here are a few thoughts, which you can take or leave at will:

Love the title. It has its own layers, which is great. Kudos!

I wanted to know where in your script these 10 pages live. It felt like the end of Act 2, and I can imagine a lot of heartache and (potentially) reconciliation to come.

Your writing style is terrific and intelligent (especially in the little nods to the reader/filmmaker). You’re just the right amount of descriptive. To be a dramedy, though, I thought you can push the comedy a little further in places, including the opening scene at the park.

Still you move everything along quickly, which lets your writing sample cover a lot of ground. Also nice. In a full script, I would have liked a little more time between Richard’s suggestion, Amy’s agreeing, and the threesome. But with Hal’s recommendation of stacking the deck, I thought this works.

Finally, I do wonder, though, if using a dramedy as a writing sample is the best idea. I’d love to hear other’s thoughts on that (since I have one, too). Would producers wonder why you’re not committing to one genre or the other? What if you called this a drama — and leave in your very nice comedic back-and-forths? The kitchen scene is fabulous. Would that give you an even stronger drama? Just a thought.

Thanks for letting me read this.

[Hope McPherson]

Katt, yes, I’d love to. Thanks for the offer!

[Hope McPherson]

I agree!

I’ve had a few rescues on my farm (two donkeys and two of the goats). None were, thankfully, physically abused. The donkeys’ previous person had died; the goats had gone to auction (i.e., they would have ended up on someone’s plate had they not been rescued).

For this script, I’m going the direction of an auction. That’s where a lot of older, unwanted animals are picked up by rendering plants. 🙁

[Hope McPherson]

So many life experiences from which to draw!

[Hope McPherson]

<g> My llama can be cranky, yes, but she’s mostly a doll. 🙂

[Hope McPherson]

Farrin, I was so glad to see that you were one of the familiar names in this class! I know of three alpacas named Larry, Moe, and Curly, as a matter of fact, but my four goatie knuckleheads are Nettle, Buckwheat, Poppy, and Lilly Buttercup. <s>

[Hope McPherson]

Don, your scene really has a lot of promise. This could be a terrific climax to a thriller setting two brothers against each with the fate of the U.S. hanging in the balance.

I agree with Rebecca that you’re using interest techniques well (e.g., the time limit is a great way to build suspense and point to a future).

But you can them John and Nick act out their traits even more, rather than point them out in the dialogue in on-the-nose ways (i.e., “you won’t have to be a loner”).

Could Nick’s conniving been shown by him turning the tables on John by blackmailing him? As brothers, would Nick have information that John wants more than blowing up strangers? Maybe Sally could work as a twist there. What if, say, she’s Nick’s ex and before that was John’s ex. Maybe it’s something else, but brothers typically have a lifelong history and know things and background about the other.

John’s loyalty trait to Nick and Sally, then, could show up. And so forth.

Good job! I look forward to reading more of your work!

[Hope McPherson]

Rebecca, I love the mood of your scene, and the ways Big John and Nick try to come out on top in their meeting.

Nick’s traits — confidence, conniving (i.e., killing Buchholtz and blaming a horse) — really came through. Rebellious? Arguably, plotting and killing is pretty rebellious, and he argued with Big John, to boot. I didn’t see where he was giving, though. Your scene is pretty tight, and I’m not sure where you could have slipped that in. Maybe he’d have made sure Buchholtz’s kid (if there were one) didn’t see the body or he’d buy him a shaved ice or some such thing?

Big John seemed equally as conniving to me, and that’s not one of his traits. I’m also not sure where he showed loyalty. I didn’t get the feeling that he was ever going to pay Nick. He had oodles of distrust and daring (and nerve, when he’s attacked), though. Loner? Check.

Overall, I felt that the subtext for both was there, but subtle. Great writing and terrific scene. I enjoyed reading it. Thanks!

[Hope McPherson]

Thanks a lot, Rebecca. I love the idea of having Nick’s “confession” broadcast over the loudspeaker. When I read that earlier today, I gave it some (a lot) of thought. Something like that can happen if the scene moves up to the stage where the mike sits on the podium.

I’ve read yours through once and plan to read it again and offer some comments. Thank you again for the perceptive feedback.

[Hope McPherson]

Marc, I’m about done updating my outline after Micah’s terrific comments. Are you still interested in swapping? If so, send it my way and I’ll send you mine.

Hope

hopemcp@hotmail.com

• This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by  Hope McPherson.

[Hope McPherson]

Hi Micah. I’d love to swap. I have a comedy, and can have it ready by tomorrow. Will that work for you?