Ian Greenham
Forum Replies Created
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“I agree to the terms of this release form.”
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I have a drama – a family drama – and I am ready to exchange feedback.
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I’m ready for feedback. My drama features identical twin sisters who don’t discover one another until they’re in their early 30s – one imprisoned for a murder she claims she did not commit, asked to give a bone marrow transplant for the other who’s a defense attorney diagnosed with leukemia.
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I’m ready for feedback. My drama features identical twin sisters who don’t discover one another until they’re in their early 30s.
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Ian Greenham’s Scene Requirements
Vision: Completing this program will significantly enhance my screenwriting skills.
Doing this assignment I learned the importance of including scene requirements.
(Note: My Outline is currently 8 pages long, but after I added in the Scene Requirements it blew out to 12 pages. I didn’t feel comfortable about cluttering up the Forums with that many pages from one writer, so below I’ve included only 4. I did try to test this approach through an email to the Support Desk, but I received no reply).
INT. CRIMINAL COURTROOM – DAY
Scene Arc: Aly Silvers successfully defends a client against a murder charge.
Essence: Demonstrates Aly’s legal prowess.
Conflict: Aly vs. the Prosecution.
Subtext: The ill-preparedness of the DA’s case.
Hope/Fear: That Aly will win/That she won’t.
INT. ALY’S OFFICE, HER ASSISTANT’S DESK – DAY
Scene Arc: Aly returns to her office after court and chats briefly with her Assistant Diane.
Essence: Demonstrates Aly’s reluctance to allow anyone to get close to her.
Conflict: Aly’s resistance to Tod’s friendly overtures.
Subtext: Tod fancies Aly but she doesn’t want to encourage him.
Hope/Fear: Hope that this won’t cause conflict between Aly and Diane; fear that it might.
INT. JUVENILE COURTROOM – DAY
Scene Arc: Aly successfully defends a juvenile against a shoplifting charge.
Essence: Demonstrate Al’s legal prowess.
Conflict: Aly vs. the Prosecution.
Subtext: The ill-preparedness of the DA’s case.
Hope/Fear: That Aly will win/That she won’t.
INT. RESTAURANT – DAY
Scene Arc: Aly and Tod, the prosecuting attorney, have lunch together after the hearing.
Essence: Aly has some sympathy for Tod’s feelings.
Conflict: Between Aly’s sympathy and not wanting to encourage Tod.
Subtext: Is there a prospect of a relationship between Aly and Tod?
Hope/Fear: That the meeting could become awkward/That it does not.
ALY’S OFFICE, RECEPTION AREA – DAY
Scene Arc: Aly returns to her office and tells her Assistant, Diane, she’s feeling very tired.
Essence: Aly is feeling very tired.
Conflict:
Subtext:
Hope/Fear: That Aly is okay/That she’s not.
INT. ALY’S OFFICE – DAY
Scene Arc: Diane finds Aly slumped at her desk, unconscious. She calls 911.
Essence: Aly fainted at her desk.
Conflict:
Subtext:
Hope/Fear: Aly is okay/She’s not.
INT. CITY CENTRAL HOSPITAL, WARD – NIGHT
Scene Arc: Aly is taken to City Central Hospital, where she lies unconscious as Dr. Blair tells Nurse Norden that Aly will need a blood transfusion.
Essence: Aly has a health problem.
Conflict:
Subtext:
Hope/Fear: Aly will be okay/She will not be.
INT. CITY CENTRAL HOSPITAL, WARD – DAY
Scene Arc: Aly’s blood transfusion was not successful, so Dr. Blair asks Nurse Norden to have the Blood Bank do some analysis.
Essence: There was a problem with Aly’s blood transfusion.
Conflict:
Subtext:
Hope/Fear: Aly will be okay/She will not be.
INT. STATE PRISON INFIRMARY – DAY
Scene Arc: At the State Prison to collect blood donations from inmates, Nurse Jenny Levitt from the Blood Bank encounters Nicki Holder, whom she worked with at St. Mary’s hospital before Nicki was convicted of killing a patient.
Essence: Nurse Jenny meets her former colleague, Nicki, at the prison.
Conflict: Meredith was hostile toward Nicki.
Subtext: Meredith may have contributed toward Nicki’s conviction.
Hope/Fear:
SUPER “TWO YEARS EARLIER”
INT. ST. MARY’S HOSPITAL, CORRIDOR – day
Scene Arc: As Nurse Nicki Holder leaves work at the end of her shift, on the way out she encounters Nurse Meredith Wagner. They pointedly ignore one another.
Essence: Meredith and Nicki are not on good terms.
Conflict: Meredith and Nicki are not on good terms.
Subtext:
Hope/Fear:
INT. ST. MARY’S HOSPITAL, PRIVATE ROOM – day
Scene Arc: Meredith, beginning her shift, finds an elderly patient, Lynden Maher, on a respirator, unresponsive. She turns his respirator off and presses the emergency alarm. When a doctor and Nurse Jenny Levitt arrive, the doctor pronounces Maher dead, but Meredith denies having turned the respirator off.
Essence: After Meredith finds Lynden Maher unresponsive, she turns off his respirator.
Conflict: Meredith’s actions were motivated by her hostility toward Nicki.
Subtext: Meredith wishes Nicki harm.
Hope/Fear: Meredith’s tactic will fail/It won’t.
INT. ST. MARY’S HOSPITAL, MEDICAL DIRECTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Scene Arc: Nicki, Meredith and the doctor who attended Lynden Maher are interviewed by the hospital’s Medical Director. The doctor confirms his diagnosis that Maher died of suffocation, apparently brought about by his respirator being turned off. Both Meredith and Nicki deny having turned off the respirator.
Essence: Meredith lies about having turned off the respirator.
Conflict: Meredith wishes Nicki ill.
Subtext: Meredith wishes Nicki ill.
Hope/Fear: Meredith will succeed/She won’t.
INT. ST. MARY’S HOSPITAL, MEDICAL DIRECTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Scene Arc: The Medical Director discusses the case with Detective Rogers, who suggests that since Nicki was the last to see Maher alive, suspicion falls upon her, unless there were a possibility that the respirator failed spontaneously. The Medical Director denies that possibility vehemently, claiming that the hospital’s Medical Technician checked the respirator after Maher’s death and found it in good working order. The detective finds it odd that a nurse would kill a patient. The Medical Director explains that Meredith told him that Nicki believed in mercy killing.
Essence: Meredith has succeeded in placing suspicion on Nicki.
Conflict: Meredith wishes Nicki ill.
Subtext: Meredith wishes Nicki ill.
Hope/Fear: Meredith will succeed/She won’t.
INT. CRIMINAL COURTROOM – DAY
Scene Arc: Nicki is arrested for the murder, tried, found guilty, and sent to prison.
Essence: Nicki is convicted and imprisoned.
Conflict:
Subtext:
Hope/Fear: Nicki will be okay/She won’t.
SUPER “THE PRESENT DAY”
INT. WOMEN’S PRISON, INFIRMARY – DAY
Scene Arc: Jenny explains to Nicki that she left St. Mary’s for the Blood Bank after Meredith was promoted to Head Nurse. Jenny said that except for Meredith, none of the other nurses believed Nicki was guilty of the murder. Nicki explains that Meredith had it in for her ever since Meredith’s former boyfriend Brad, dropped her for Nicki.
Essence: Jenny left St. Mary’s because of conflict with Meredith.
Conflict: Jenny left St. Mary’s because of conflict with Meredith.
Subtext: The other nurses didn’t believe Nicki was guilty.
Hope/Fear:
INT. BLOOD BANK, RECEPTION AREA – DAY
Scene Arc: When Jenny returns to the Blood Bank she’s asked to go to City Central Hospital to get a sample from a patient who had a bad reaction to a blood transfusion.
Essence: Jenny is asked to get a blood sample from Aly for further analysis.
Conflict:
Subtext: Aly may be seriously ill.
Hope/Fear: The analysis will succeed/It won’t.
INT. CITY CENTRAL HOSPITAL, WARD – DAY
Scene Arc: At City Central Hospital, Jenny is stunned by Aly’s likeness with Nicki.
Essence: Jenny is surprised by how much Aly and Nicki look alike.
Conflict:
Subtext:
Hope/Fear:
INT. BLOOD BANK, TECHNICIANS LAB – DAY
Scene Arc: Jenny returns to the Blood Bank with a sample of Aly’s blood, and takes it to the technician to find a better match for a transfusion for Aly. She also asks the technician to do a DNA test on Aly’s blood compared with Nicki’s.
Essence: Jenny takes a blood sample from Aly for testing.
Conflict: Jenny’s task of getting a better match for Aly and her desire to see if the girls are related.
Subtext: Are Aly and Nicki related?
Hope/Fear: The analysis will be successful/It won’t be.
INT. BLOOD BANK, TECHNICIANS LAB – DAY
Scene Arc: The technician tells Jenny the two samples are from identical twins, but reminds her of the protocols prohibiting disclosing a donor’s identity to the recipient.
Essence: Aly and Nicki are twins.
Conflict: Protocols prohibit Jenny from telling the sisters.
Subtext: Aly and Nicki are twins, but they don’t know.
Hope/Fear: Is there some way the girls could be informed/No.
[WIM: Module 4, Lesson 9 Depth – Scene Requirements – Aug 12, 2022]
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Ian Greenham’s Intriguing Moments
Vision: Completing this program will significantly enhance my screenwriting skills.
Doing this assignment I learned the importance of including intriguing moments.
ACT 1:
Intrigue: What actually caused Lynden Maher’s
death?
Secret: After finding Lynden Maher
unresponsive, Meredith turns his respirator off but later denies doing so.
Covert agenda: Meredith hopes to cast
blame for Lynden Maher’s death on Nicki.
Scheme: The husband and wife witnesses in
Aly’s first case lie about having seen the defendant near the murder
scene.
Superior position: The audience knows
that Meredith turned Lynden Maher’s respirator off, but no one else does.
Cover up: Meredith lies about having
turned the respirator off.
Mystery: How did Lynden Maher actually
die?ACT 2:
Hidden identity: Aly and Nicki are
unaware that they are identical twin sisters.
Superior position: Nurse Jenny and the
audience know that the girls are twins before they do.
Cover up: Nurse Jenny initially asks Nicki
for a bone marrow donation before Nicki knows it would be for her twin
sister.ACT 3:
Covert agenda: Aly invites Dr. Blair out
for dinner, hoping to engage his interest.
Scheme: Meredith’s hostility toward Nicki
is raised in order to undermine her testimony against her.
Cover up: Why is Ben Nevers initially
reluctant to speak with Aly?
Mystery: What is the reality about the
condition of the respirators at St. Mary’s Hospital?ACT4:
Intrigue: Was Nicki denied a nursing
position at City Central Hospital because of her conviction record?
Secret: Nicki reveals that her foster
mother was actually her birth mother’s twin sister.
Covert agenda: Nicki apparently knew all
along that Lynden Maher was her father.
Hidden identity: Ben Nevers has hidden
from Nicki that he is in love with her.
Cover up: Why is the report on the
condition of Lynden Maher’s respirator missing from the hospital records?
Mystery: Ben Nevers tells Aly he suspects
Meredith killed Lynden Maher and tried to pin the blame on Nicki.[WIM: Module 4, Lesson 8 Depth – Intriguing Moments – Aug 8, 2022]
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Ian Greenham’s Emotional Moments
Vision: Completing this program will significantly enhance my screenwriting skills.
Doing this assignment I learned the importance of having sufficient emotional moments.
ACT 1:
Success/Winning: Aly wins a case for a client accused of murder.
Wounds: Diane reminds Aly of the loneliness of her childhood in foster homes.
Success/Winning: Aly successfully defends a teenage girl against a shoplifting charge.
Hidden Weakness: Aly is found unconscious at her desk.
Distress: Aly’s initial blood transfusion is unsuccessful.
Surprise: Nicki is surprised when her former colleague Nurse Jenny comes to the prison to collect blood donations.
Distress: Nicki is convicted of killing a patient, Lynden Maher.
Surprise: Nurse Jenny is surprised to find that Aly and Nicki are identical twin sisters.
Distress: Upon regaining consciousness Aly is distressed to hear that she has leukemia.
ACT 2:
Surprise: Aly is surprised to hear that she has a twin sister.
Surprise: Nicki is surprised to learn that she has twin sister.
Bonding: Aly and Nicki meet at the hospital.
Surprise: Aly is surprised when Diane tells her the flowers are from Tod.
ACT 3:
Distress: Aly’s first attempt to have Nicki’s conviction set aside is unsuccessful.
Surprise: Greg Edmonson tells Aly that he test results on Lynden Maher’s respirator were not in the hospital’s files.
Surprise: Aly finds out from Nicki’s foster mother that she and the girls’ mother were actually twins.
Surprise: Aly learns from Ben Nevers that the outdated respirators at St. Mary’s hospital had a history of failing.
Success/Winning: With the new information from Ben Nevers, Aly succeeds in having Nicki’s conviction set aside.
ACT4:
Distress: Nicki’s application for a nursing position at City Central Hospital is unsuccessful.
Surprise: Aly has an inconclusive conversation with Ben Nevers about his testing of Lynden Maher’s respirator.
Surprise: Aly is stunned to learn from Aunt Miriam that Nicki knew that Lynden Maher was their father who had abandoned their mother before they were born.
Love: Ben Nevers pops by Aly’s apartment on Nicki’s day off to see Nicki. He confesses his love for her.
[WIM: Module 4, Lesson 7: Depth – Emotional Moments – July 31, 2022]
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Ian Greenham’s Reveals!
Vision: Completing this program will significantly enhance my screenwriting skills.
Doing this assignment I learned the value of establishing setups and reveals in advance of writing scenes.
SETUP: Aly passes out at her desk at the office
REVEAL: Aly is diagnosed with leukemia.
SETUP: Nurse Jenny notices how much her former colleague Nicki looks like Aly.
REVEAL: Nicki and Aly are identified as identical twin sisters.
SETUP: Meredith turns off Lynden Maher’s respirator after she finds him dead.
REVEAL: Nicki is accused of killing Lynden Maher.
SETUP: Nicki is accused of killing Lynden Maher.
REVEAL: Nicki knew that Lynden Maher was her father who had abandoned her mother before she was born.
SETUP: Tod sends flowers to Aly when she’s in hospital
REVEAL: Aly softens in her attitude towards Tod.
SETUP: Ben Nevers explains to Aly the history of unreliable respirators at St. Mary’s hospital.
REVEAL: Aly is able to use this information to have Nicki’s murder conviction set aside.
I will work on building these SETUPS/REVEALS into the Outline.
[WIM: Module 4, Lesson 6: What Do You Reveal and When? – July 29, 2022]
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Ian Greenham’s Character Action Tracks
Vision: Completing this program will significantly enhance my screenwriting skills.
Doing this assignment I learned a technique for injecting interesting action into a character’s role.
The idea behind the lesson is a good one, and is well-directed to ensure the injection into the script of as much engaging action as possible. Whilst trying to make sure every beat has action that comes from a character’s profile would be a tall order, I’ll work on it as I go forward.
[WIM: Module 4, Lesson 5: Character Action Tracks – July 22, 2022]
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Ian Greenham’s New Outline Beats
Vision: Completing this program will significantly enhance my screenwriting skills.
Doing this assignment I learned a valuable technique for vetting the Outline.
Looking at the current stage of development of the Outline, one of the most obvious omissions is that neither of the sisters, Aly nor Nicki, has a current male interest. Whilst that is of course not mandatory, it would be a simple addition to offer scope for further complexity or diversity to the plot.
Having tackled that, I’m pleased with the results. It did bring forth some interesting twists.
[WIM: Module 4, Lesson 4: Basic Plotting – July 17, 2022]
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Ian Greenham’s Beat Sheet – Draft 1
Vision: Completing this program will significantly enhance my screenwriting skills.
Doing this assignment I learned the mechanics of starting to build a Beat Sheet.
Four Act Structure
Act 1
Nurse Nicki Holder is convicted of
murdering a patient.
Aly Silvers successfully defends a
client against a murder charge.
Aly later collapses and is taken to
hospital by ambulance and diagnosed with leukemia.
Aly needs blood transfusions and a
bone marrow transplant.Act 2
Nurse Jenny Levitt from the Blood Bank
is charged with finding a suitable donor for Aly.
Jenny meets Aly and sees a
remarkable similarity in appearance between her and a donor from the
women’s prison, Nicki Holder.
Jenny gets a donation from Nicki.Act 3
After receiving a donation from
Nicki, Aly recovers.
Jenny tells Aly that Nicki is her identical
twin sister.
Aly visits Nicki and learns that she’s
in prison for a murder she claims she didn’t commit.Act 4
Aly investigates Nicki’s conviction
and discovers serious flaws in the prosecution’s case.
Aly succeeds in a court petition to
have Nicki’s conviction set aside.Protag Journey Structure
Beginning: Aly is a successful defense attorney, but having been raised as an only child in a foster home, she is very much alone in the world.
Middle: Aly is struck down with leukemia.
End: After a bone marrow transplant from a newly discovered identical twin sister, Aly recovers and comes to enjoy the fulfilment of having a close sibling.
Antag Journey Structure
Beginning: Nicki is serving a term in prison for a murder she claims she did not commit, but being a nurse by background, makes regular blood donations to the Blood Bank.
Middle: A nurse from the Blood Bank discovers through tests that Aly and Nicki are identical twin sisters, so Nicki agrees to make a bone marrow transplant to help save Aly’s life.
End: Nicki and Aly are reunited and come to appreciate the fulfilment of having a close sibling.
Deeper Layer
Aly’s sister Nicki did actually commit the murder, the victim being the father that abandoned the two of them before they were born.
Drama Genre Conventions
· Purpose: Emotional high stakes.
· Character-Driven Journey: Character’s internal journey.
· High Stakes Come from Within: The struggles come from within the characters.
· Emotionally Resonates: Audiences moved by the characters’ emotions.
· Challenging, Emotionally-Charged Situations: Characters challenged to the core by emotional situations and struggles.
· Real-life Situations: Stories grounded in reality.
[WIM: Module 4, Lesson 3: Beat Sheet Part 1 – July 16, 2022]
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Ian Greenham’s Deeper Layer
Vision: Completing this program will significantly enhance my screenwriting skills.
Doing this assignment I learned the importance of creating a deeper layer.
Sisters in Time – Deeper Layer
Surface Layer: After defense attorney Aly Silvers is struck
down with leukemia and needs a bone marrow transplant, she receives one
from a newly discovered identical twin sister, who’s in prison for a
murder she claims she did not commit. After Aly recovers, she helps clear
her sister’s name.
Deeper Layer: Aly’s sister did actually commit the murder.
Major Reveal: The reveal occurs in the final scene when Aly
realizes that the man her sister was accused of killing had the same name
as her father, whom she never knew.
Influences Surface Story: Aly’s sister remains insistent
throughout that she is innocent.
Hints: Aly’s sister was initially convicted of the murder.
Changes Reality: Aly has to come to terms with the fact that
her sister did commit murder.Character Structures
Beginning:
Inciting Incident:
Turning Point 1:
Act 2:
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint:
Act 3:
Turning Point 3:
Act 4 Climax:
Resolution:There really isn’t any change to the character structures, because the guilt of Aly’s sister is not revealed until the last scene. It is a fact underlying the story all the way through, but it does not become evident until the very end. It does not affect the characters’ actions throughout the story.
[WIM: Module 4, Lesson 2: The Deeper Layer – July 12, 2022]
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Ian Greenham’s Character Structure
Vision: Completing this program will significantly enhance my screenwriting skills.
Doing this assignment I learned the importance of creating character structures.
Protagonist: Aly Silvers
Beginning: Aly is a successful defense attorney, but having been raised as an only child in a foster home, she is very much alone in the world.
Middle: Aly is struck down with leukemia.
End: After a bone marrow transplant from a newly discovered identical twin sister, Aly recovers and comes to enjoy the fulfilment of having a close sibling.
Beginning:
Aly is a successful defense attorney.
Inciting
incident: Aly is struck down with leukemia, needing a bone marrow
transplant.· Turning Point 1: It is discovered that Aly has an identical twin sister who’d be an ideal donor.
Act
2: When Aly recovers, she sets about proving the innocence of her
identical twin sister, who’s serving a prison sentence for a murder she
claims she did not commit,
Turning
Point 2 / Midpoint: Aly’s initial attempt is unsuccessful.
Act
3: Aly discovers new evidence exculpating her twin sister.
Turning
Point 3: Aly’s second attempt at exonerating her sister succeeds.
4th
Act Climax: Aly’s sister is released from prison.
Resolution:
Aly enjoys the fulfilment of having a close sibling.Antagonist: Nicki Holder
Beginning: Nicki is serving a term in prison for a murder she claims she did not commit, but being a nurse by background, makes regular blood donations to the Blood Bank.
Middle: A nurse from the Blood Bank discovers through tests that Aly and Nicki are identical twin sisters, so Nicki agrees to make a bone marrow transplant to help save Aly’s life.
End: Nicki and Aly are reunited and come to appreciate the fulfilment of having a close sibling.
Beginning:
Nicki is serving a prison sentence for a murder she claims she did not
commit.
Inciting
incident: When it is discovered that Nicki has a twin sister suffering
from leukemia, she agrees to make a bone marrow donation for her.· Turning Point 1: The bone marrow transplant is successful and Nicki’s sister recovers.
Act
2: Nicki’s sister, a successful defense attorney, sets about proving
Nicki’s innocence.
Turning
Point 2 / Midpoint: Nicki’s sister’s first attempt at exonerating her
fails.
Act
3: Nicki’s sister’s second attempt succeeds.
Turning
Point 3: Nicki is exonerated and released.
4th
Act Climax: Nicki begins a return to her previous life as a nurse.
Resolution:
The two sisters enjoy the fulfilment of having a close sibling.[WIM: Module 4, Lesson 1: Character Journey Structure – July 10, 2022]
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Ian Greenham’s Supporting Characters
Vision: Completing this program will significantly enhance my screenwriting skills.
Doing this assignment I learned the importance of profiling supporting characters.
Supporting Characters
· Nurse Jenny Levitt
· Medical Technician Ben Nevers
Background Characters
· Diane, Aly Silvers’ Assistant
· Dr. Blair
· Nurse Norden
· Criminal Court Judge
· Prison Guards
· Albert, Blood Bank Administrator
· Troy, Prosecutor
· Tim, Blood Bank Technician
· Greg, Medical Technician
· Miriam, Nicki’s foster mother
Supporting Characters
Support 1:
Name:
Jenny Levitt
Role:
Nurse at the Blood Bank
Main
purpose: Collecting blood donations.
Value:
Orchestrates the meeting of the twin sisters.Support 2:
Name:
Ben Nevers
Role:
Medical technician
Main
purpose: Testifies on behalf of Nicki as to the defectiveness of the
respirators at St. Mary’s hospital.
Value:
Provides the testimony that exonerates Nicki.[WIM: Module 3, Lesson 8: Purpose Driven Supporting Characters – July 1, 2022]
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Ian Greenham’s Character Profiles Part 2
Vision: Completing this program will significantly enhance my screenwriting skills.
Doing this assignment I learned more about building character profiles.
High Concept: Two young women who grew up in foster homes believing they had no relatives discover they are identical twin sisters.
Protagonist: Aly Silvers
This
character’s journey:
Recovers from leukemia after a bone marrow transplant from a newly
discovered identical twin sister.The
Actor Attractors for this character:
As detailed in the Assignment for Module 3, Lesson 2.Character
Subtext: Always polite
Character
Intrigue: Unspoken wound – no family
Flaw:
Undervalues herself personally
Values:
Integrity
Character
Dilemma: Reluctant to give emotionallyAntagonist: Nicki Holder
This
character’s journey: Saves
the life of her newly discovered identical twin sister by providing her
with a bone marrow transplant.The
Actor Attractors for this character: As
detailed in the Assignment for Module 3, Lesson 2.Character
Subtext: Hiding disappointment over
having no real family
Character
Intrigue: Unspoken wound – no family
Flaw:
Undervalues herself
Values:
Compassion
Character
Dilemma: Needs external recognition[WIM: Module 3, Lesson 7: Character Profiles Part 2 – June 29, 2022]
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Ian Greenham’s Character Profiles Part 1
Vision: Completing this program will significantly enhance my screenwriting skills.
Doing this assignment I experienced the process of building character profiles.
High Concept: Two young women who grew up in foster homes believing they had no relatives discover they are identical twin sisters.
Protagonist: Aly Silvers
This
character’s journey:
Recovers from leukemia after a bone marrow transplant from a newly
discovered identical twin sister.The
Actor Attractors for this character:
As detailed in the Assignment for Module 3, Lesson 2.Role
in the Story: A successful defense attorney
who had her newly discovered twin sister’s murder conviction set aside.
Age
range and Description: Early
30s; shoulder length blonde hair, attractive.
Core
Traits: Successful defense attorney, compassionate,
decent.
Motivation;
Want/Need: Set her newly discovered twin
sister’s murder conviction aside.
Wound:
Grew up in a foster home with
no known family.
Likability,
Relatability, Empathy: As
detailed in Module 3, Lesson 5.Antagonist: Nicki Holder
This
character’s journey: Saves
the life of her newly discovered identical twin sister by providing her
with a bone marrow transplant.The
Actor Attractors for this character: As
detailed in the Assignment for Module 3, Lesson 2.· Role in the Story: Provides a bone marrow transplant to save the life of her newly discovered identical twin sister.
Age
range and Description: Early
30s; shoulder length blonde hair, attractive.· Core Traits: Former nurse dedicated to helping those in need.
· Motivation; Want/Need: Save the life of her newly discovered twin sister stricken with leukemia.
Wound:
Grew up in a foster home with
no known family; serving a prison sentence for a murder she claims she did
not commit.
Likability,
Relatability, Empathy: As
detailed in Module 3, Lesson 5.[WIM: Module 3, Lesson 6: Character Profiles Part 1 – June 27, 2022]
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Ian Greenham’s Likability/Relatability/Empathy
Vision: Completing this program will significantly enhance my screenwriting skills.
Doing this assignment I learned the importance of injecting likability, relatability and empathy
into characters.
Protagonist: Aly Silvers
· Likability: She’s a good person.
· Relatability: She successfully has her sister’s murder conviction overturned.
· Empathy: She is afflicted with leukemia.
Antagonist: Nicki Holder
· Likability: Despite being in prison, she makes regular blood donations.
· Relatability: She makes a bone marrow donation to save her sister’s life.
· Empathy: She has been imprisoned for a murder she claims she did not commit.
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Ian Greenham’s Character Intrigue
Vision: Completing this program will significantly enhance my screenwriting skills.
Doing this assignment I learned more about building intrigue into characters.
Character Name: Aly Silvers
Role: Successful defense attorney.
Hidden agendas:
Competition:
Conspiracies:
Secrets:
Deception:
Unspoken Wound: Carries a deep sense of emptiness from having
being raised as a single child by foster parents who have passed away.
Secret Identity:Character Name: Nicki Holder
Role: Nurse, currently
imprisoned for a murder she claims she did not commit.
Hidden agendas:
Competition:
Conspiracies:
Secrets: Despite claiming that she was wrongfully convicted
of murder, she did actually cause the death of her natural father who had
abandoned her natural mother before she was born, when she accidentally
discovered him as a patient in the hospital where she was working.
Deception:
Unspoken Wound: Carries a deep sense of emptiness from having
been raised as a single child by foster parents, with the foster father
having passed away and her having a difficult relationship with the foster
mother.
Secret Identity:[WIM: Module 3, Lesson 4: Character Intrigue – June 24, 2022]
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Ian Greenham’s Subtext Characters
Vision: Completing this program will significantly enhance my screenwriting skills.
Doing this assignment I learned more about building subtext into actors’ roles.
Example Movie
Movie Title: The Monuments Men
Character Name: Frank Stokes
Subtext Identity: The leader of a small group of men
handpicked to locate and recover precious artworks stolen by the Nazis.
Subtext Trait: See “Possible Ares of Subtext” below.
Subtext Logline: He hides any personal motivations beneath
his commitment to his duty.
Possible Areas of Subtext: Whist he would not willfully put
the lives of his men in danger, he believed that sacrifices made to
preserve precious cultural heritages would be worthwhile.For My Two Leads:
Character Name: Aly Silvers
Subtext Identity: Successful defense attorney
Subtext Trait: Determined to see her sister freed.
Subtext Logline: So keen to clear her recently discovered
twin sister, she may misjudge the merits of her petition to have her
sister’s conviction set aside.
Possible Areas of Subtext: As implied by the logline.Character Name: Nicki Holder
Subtext Identity: Nurse imprisoned for a murder she claims
she did not commit
Subtext Trait: Strong humanitarian streak.
Subtext Logline: Despite her anger at being wrongfully
convicted of murder, she’s still compassionate enough to give regular
blood donations.
Possible Areas of Subtext: As implied by the logline.[WIM: Module 3, Lesson 3: Character Subtext – June 21, 2022]
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Ian Greenham’s Actor Attractors!
Vision: Completing this program will significantly enhance my screenwriting skills.
Doing this assignment I learned more about building actor attractors into my main characters.
Move: Sisters in Time. Genre: Drama.
Character: Aly Silvers
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for this it? She’s an effective defense attorney, who after recovering from leukemia after a bone marrow transplant from her before-then-unknown twin sister, clears her sister of a murder conviction.
2. What makes this character the most interesting character in your story? She has the most dominant role.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script? She has her twin sister’s conviction for murder set aside.
4. How can you introduce this role is a way that could sell it to an actor? She opens with a successful plea for the defense of a client charged with murder.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range? She is strong, resilient and compassionate.
6. What subtext can the actor play? She is able to contain her emotions beneath her outer strength.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have? With her newly discovered identical twin sister, Nicki Holder.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented? Through her everyday decency and strength.
9. What makes this character special and unique? Her decency and strength.
Character: Nicki Holder
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it? She’s the sister of the protagonist, imprisoned for a murder she claims she did not commit
2. What makes this character the most interesting character in your story? She suffers wrongful imprisonment for a murder she claims she did not commit.
3. What are the most interesting actions this character takes in the script? She donates bone marrow to save her sister’s life.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor? Despite her wrongful imprisonment, her background as a nurse leaves her with the compassion to make regular blood donations.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range? She has the strength to remain compassionate despite the injustice that has been done to her.
6. What subtext can the actor play? She is able to override her anger about the wrong that has been done to her.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have? With her newly discovered twin sister.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented? Through her commitment to helping save her sister’s life.
9. What could make this character special and unique? Her deep compassion.
Character: Jenny Levitt
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it? She’s the one who discovers that Aly Silvers and Nicki Holder are identical twin sisters.
2. What makes this character the most interesting character in your story? Despite bureaucratic obstacles, she eventually secures Nicki’s agreement to provide a bone marrow transplant for Aly.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the script? See 2.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor? Through her surprising discovery of the relationship between Aly and Nicki.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range? Quiet determination to do everything necessary to save a patient’s life.
6. What subtext can the actor play? Persist despite obstacles.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have? With the two sisters.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented? Through her compassion and determination.
9. What could make this character special and unique? See 8.
[WIM: Module 3, Lesson 2: Roles the Sell Actors – June 19, 2022]
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Ian Greenham’s Actor Attractors for “Sisters in Time”
Vision: I’m confident that completing this program will significantly enhance my screenwriting skills.
Doing this assignment I learned the importance of building actor attractors into the characters in my script.
Movie: The Monuments Men
Genre: Drama
Character: Frank Stokes (played by George Clooney)
Actor Attractors
1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? Stokes leads a team of hand-picked specialists to recover valuable artworks stolen by the Nazis during their occupation of Europe. It was a successful mission, based upon a true story.
2. What makes this character the most interesting character in the movie? He’s the leader of the group.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? Overseeing the investigation of where the artworks were hidden and coordinating their recovery.
4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? He’s the leader of the group.
5. What is this character’s emotional range? He remains calm and focused during the various challenges of the mission.
6. What subtext can the actor play? ????
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? With the men in his group.
8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? Through his steady and purposeful leadership.
9. What makes this character special and unique? His unwavering commitment to his mission and his effective leadership.
Move: Sisters in Time
Genre: Drama:
Actor Attractors
The characters for this movie are still being developed as this course proceeds, so I’m not yet in a position to complete the list of actor attractors for them. At this stage all I can say is what appears below.
1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? Ali Silvers, the lead character, is an effective defense attorney.
2. What makes this character the most interesting character in the movie? She has the most dominant role.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? She has her twin sister’s conviction for murder set aside.
4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? She opens with a successful plea for the defense of a client charged with murder.
5. What is this character’s emotional range? She is strong, resilient and compassionate.
6. What subtext can the actor play? She is able to contain her emotions beneath her outer strength.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? With her newly discovered identical twin sister, Nicki Holder.
8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? Through her everyday decency and strength.
9. What makes this character special and unique? Her decency and strength.
[WIM: Module 3, Lesson 1: Characters That Sell Scripts – June 17, 2022]
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Ian Greenham’s Genre Conventions
Vision: I’m confident that completing this program will significantly enhance my screenwriting skills.
Doing this assignment I learned the importance of paying careful attention to genre conventions.
Title: Sisters in Time
Concept: Doctors seeking a bone marrow transplant for a promising young defense attorney diagnosed with leukemia discover a twin sister she did not know she had, serving a life sentence for a murder she claims she did not commit.
Genre: Drama
Drama Genre Conventions:
· Purpose: Emotional high stakes.
· Character-Driven Journey: Character’s internal journey.
· High Stakes Come from Within: The struggles come from within the characters.
· Emotionally Resonates: Audiences moved by the characters’ emotions.
· Challenging, Emotionally-Charged Situations: Characters challenged to the core by emotional situations and struggles.
· Real-life Situations: Stories grounded in reality.
Deliver the Drama Conventions More Effectively:
In examining the genre conventions against the outline it was evident that the story follows the conventions, but if as we move forward it appears that the story needs more depth and variety, I’ll work it in.
Act 1:
Aly Silvers successfully defends a
client against a murder charge.
She later collapses at the office,
is taken by ambulance to hospital and diagnosed with leukemia.
She needs blood transfusions and a
bone marrow transplant.Act 2:
Nurse Jenny Levitt from the Blood
Donations Center is charged with finding a suitable donor for Aly.
Jenny meets Aly and sees a
remarkable similarity in appearance between her and a donor from the
women’s prison, Nicki Holder.
Jenny gets a donation from Nicki.Act 3:
After receiving a donation from Nicki,
Aly recovers.
Jenny tells Aly that Nicki is her
twin sister.
Aly goes to visit Nicki and learns
that she is in prison for a murder she claims she didn’t commit.Act 4:
Aly investigates the circumstances
of Nicki’s conviction and discovers serious flaws in the prosecution’s
case.
Aly succeeds in a court petition to
have Nicki’s conviction set aside.[WIM: Module 2, Lesson 6: Build in the Genre Conventions – June 10, 2022]
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Ian Greenham’s 4 Act Transformational Structure
Vision: I am confident that completing this program will significantly enhance my screenwriting skills.
Doing this assignment I learned the technique of developing a 4-Act Structure.
· Concept: Doctors seeking a bone marrow donor for a promising young defense attorney diagnosed with leukemia discover a suitable donor, serving a life sentence in prison for a murder she claims she did not commit.
Main Conflict: Aly’s
life is threatened by a bout of leukemia, requiring the identification of a suitable bone marrow donor.· Old Ways: Aly has no family members to celebrate with on special occasions
New Ways: Aly
has a twin sister to
celebrate with on special occasions.Act 1:
Aly Silvers successfully defends a
client against a murder charge.
Aly is diagnosed with leukemia.
Aly needs blood transfusions and a
bone marrow transplant.Act 2:
Nurse Jenny Levitt from the Blood
Donations Center is charged with finding a suitable donor for Aly.
Jenny meets Aly and sees a
remarkable similarity in appearance between her and a donor from the
women’s prison, Nicki Holder.
Jenny gets a donation from Nicki.Act 3:
After receiving a donation from
Nicki, Aly recovers.
Jenny tells Aly that Nicki is her
twin sister.
Aly goes to visit Nicki and learns
that she is in prison for a murder she claims she didn’t commit.Act 4:
Aly investigates the circumstances
of Nicki’s conviction and discovers serious flaws in the prosecution’s
case.
Aly succeeds in a court petition to
have Nicki’s conviction set aside.[WIM: Module 2, Lesson 5: Four- Act Transformational Structure – June 8, 2022]
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Ian Greenham’s Subtext Plot
Vision: I am confident that completing this program will significantly enhance my screenwriting skills.
Doing this assignment I learned several various forms of subtext.
Concept: Doctors seeking a bone marrow donor for a promising young defense attorney diagnosed with leukemia discover a twin sister she never knew she had, on death row for a murder she claims she did not commit.
Subtext Plots:
Layering
Superior Position
The two sisters are initially introduced separately to the audience as complete strangers to one another, only for it to become evident later that they are sisters.
The audience learns before the two sisters do that they are sisters.
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Ian Greenham’s Transformational Journey
Vision: I am confident that completing this program will significantly enhance my screenwriting skills.
Doing this assignment I learned the technique of developing a transformational journey.
Arc Beginning: An only child.
Arc Ending: Has a twin sister.
Internal Journey: From feeling totally devoid of real family to having a twin sister.
External Journey: From having no real family to having a twin sister.
Old Ways: Having no family members to celebrate with on special occasions.
New Ways: Having a family member to celebrate with on special occasions.
[WIM: Module 2, Lesson 3: The Transformational Journey – June 3, 2022]
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Ian Greenham’s Intentional Lead Characters
Vision: I am confident that completing this program will significantly enhance my screenwriting skills.
Doing this assignment I learned the first steps in creating characters uniquely fitted to a story.
Character: Aly Silverton
Logline: A promising young defense attorney diagnosed with leukemia, in need of a bone marrow transplant.
Unique: Strongly determined to unravel criminal mysteries.
Character: Nicki Holden
Logline: A former nurse, now a convicted murderer claiming to be innocent, who makes regular blood donations.
Unique: Unbeknownst to her or Aly Silverton, she is Aly’s twin sister.
Character: Tod Rendal
Logline: A prosecutor, sweet on Aly, who helps unravel the mystery of Nicki’s conviction.
Unique: As a prosecutor, he has unique access to prosecution records.
Character: Meredith Wiley
Logline: A nurse who worked with Nicki before her conviction.
Unique: Her former boyfriend dumped her for Nicki.
[WIM: Module 2, Lesson 2: Intentional Lead Characters – June 1, 2022]
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Ian Greenham’s Title, Concept and Character Structure!
Vision: I am confident that completing this program will significantly enhance my screenwriting skills.
Doing this assignment I learned the rationale for outlining.
Title: Sisters in Time
Concept: Doctors seeking a bone marrow donor for a promising young defense attorney diagnosed with leukemia discover a twin sister she never knew she had, on death row for a murder she claims she did not commit.
Character Structure: Buddy Movie
[WIM: Module 2, Lesson 1: Great Outlines Make Great Scripts! – May 30, 2022]
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Ian Greenham
As a member of Writing Incredible Movies, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, through social media, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, videos, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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1. Ian Greenham
2. 6
3. Raise the standard of my scripts.
4. I’m originally from Australia. I’m a retired Corporate Credit Risk Manager.
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Mastering the Thriller Genre, Day 1, The Conventions of Thrillers
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1. Ian Greenham.
2. 6.
3. Learn the skills of writing thrillers.
4. I’m from Australia; a retired Corporate Banker; have published 2 novels and a volume of 4 novellas.
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1. Ian Greenham
2. I agree to the terms of this release form.
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Ian Greenham: Amazing 3<sup>rd</sup> Act
In doing this assignment I had the opportunity to work with a very well thought out and presented approach to ensuring that the ending of my script was the best it could be.
1. Lauren, a private investigator who’s gay, just coming off a broken two-year relationship, is asked by her boss, Cal, to track his wife, Sylvia, an architect, whom he believes is having an affair with another man. Sylvia picks up on Lauren trailing her, and confronts Cal, who has Lauren fired. When Lauren tells of her dismissal to her father Cliff, a construction manager who knows Sylvia through work, Cliff confides in Lauren that Sylvia is also gay. Cliff calls Sylvia to express his disappointment at the way Lauren was treated. Sylvia goes to Lauren’s apartment to apologize. There begins the slow and tortuous development of an amorous relationship between Lauren and Sylvia, encouraged by Cliff, who believes that Sylvia would be a good partner for Lauren.
At a couple of points throughout the story, both Lauren and Sylvia confide to close acquaintances that throughout their lives they had yearnings to raise a child, but were discouraged from doing so by issues with their then current partners.
2. After a serious setback in the fledgling relationship between Lauren and Sylvia, precipitated partly by Sylvia’s uncomfortable transition back to her gay self after being married to Cal for fifteen years, Lauren’s father, Cliff, sends his deceased wife’s former bisexual partner, Rose, to counsel Sylvia on her gender insecurities. This helps Sylvia overcome those insecurities, and she goes to see Lauren, for a passionate reconciliation. The reconciliation is celebrated at a dinner at Rose’s home with Rose, Cliff, Lauren and Sylvia.
3. & 4. To produce a stronger ending, I added a final scene where, a year later, Lauren and Sylvia are together in their apartment adoring their newborn baby. The confidences above, where both Lauren and Sylvia tell close acquaintances of their desire to raise a child, were added in to better set up that ending.
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Ian Greenham: Most Memorable Line
1. Rather than rewrite, this is a new line of dialogue added at the end of a scene.
2. The scene is when Cal Knifton arrives uninvited at the apartment of his wife, who’s recently left him, to demand that she sign some papers to sort out their affairs. While Cal is there, Lauren arrives at the entrance downstairs and rings the buzzer, pursuant to a previous invitation from Sylvia, so Cal leaves, but Lauren and Cal meet in the elevator lobby, where’s there’s a mildly unpleasant exchange. Cal’s unexpected visit, and the unpleasant exchange between him and Lauren unsettle the tone between Sylvia and Lauren as they settle in for a drink together. Given the very early, fragile state of their relationship, the mood between them quickly deteriorates, so that Sylvia suggests she needs to bring the occasion to an end, and attend to the papers Cal left with her. There’s a distinct chill between Sylvia and Lauren as Lauren leaves. The new line will deliver Sylvia’s disappointment at how things turned out.
3. The line needs to show Sylvia’s disappointment.
4. Sylvia’s new line, muttered to herself as Lauren disappears down the corridor into the lift lobby, is “That’s another thing I have to be grateful to you for, Cal.”
5. Doing this assignment I learned once again the importance of brainstorming to solve structural issues.
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Ian Greenham: Meaningful Action
In the following scene I added in Cal jumping up from his chair, throwing his arms in the air and walking in a circle behind his chair, to emphasize his high level of agitation at what his attorney had just told him. I then added him returning to his chair when the attorney offers the prosect of a solution.
INT. ATTORNEY’S OFFICE – DAY
Cal Knifton sits in the office of his attorney, NIGEL Beaumont, across the desk from the attorney, who’s browsing through a short agreement.
NIGEL
So, if she walks out and sues for divorce, according to the prenup, she gets half your assets.
CAL
You mean half my personal assets, or business assets as well?
NIGEL
The whole works, including the business.
Cal jumps up from his chair, throws his arms in the air, and does a circle around behind his chair.
CAL
Whoa! Why did we ever agree to that?
NIGEL
When you signed this Cal, you were in love, and your business wasn’t worth a crumpet.
CAL
But we should have changed it, as the business grew.
NIGEL
That’s not how it works.
Nigel turns a page of the document he’s browsing, and looks up with mild excitement.
NIGEL (CONT’D)
Ah ha! Here you go.
Cal looks hopeful, returns to his chair and leans forward on Nigel’s desk.
CAL
What is it?
NIGEL
If she commits an act of marital infidelity, the prenup is void. In that case, she’d get nothing.
CAL
Marital infidelity… but I’d have to prove it.
NIGEL
Isn’t that what your business does all the time… catch people cheating?
CAL
Well, that’s not all it does, but it does do that.
Nigel smiles with satisfaction.
NIGEL
And does it well, so I understand.
Cal is a little more cautious.
CAL
Sometimes.
In ding this
assignment I learned the importance of scrutinizing each scene to take a
critical look at its action/inaction. -
Ian Greenham: Day 7: Find Your Script’s Entertainment Value
Quite as expected, the high scenes were those involving significant surprises, while the low scenes were those of a transitional nature, i.e. just carried the story forward.
What surprised me? Perhaps I was a harsh marker, but I was surprised by the dearth of high ratings and the prevalence of low ratings.
SCENE SUMMARY (A.K.A. BEAT SHEET)
Title: Catch Her If You Can
Genre: Romantic Drama
Concept: A gay private investigator is asked by her boss to track his wife, whom he believes is having an affair with another man, but when the investigator discovers that the wife is also gay, their relationship develops into something very different from what her boss had envisaged.
1. FADE IN
2. (E8) INT. LAUREN MILFORD’S APARTMENT – BEDROOM – EVENING
Lauren Milford, 33, comes in to her bedroom, and finds Cathy, her partner of 2 years, also 33, packing clothes into a suit case open on the bed. Cathy explains that she’s going to stay with her ex-husband to comfort him after his girlfriend moved out.
3. (E8) INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – EVENING
Cathy leaves without saying good-bye.
4. (E4) INT. CLIFF MILFORD’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Lauren tells her dad that Cathy left. He’s sympathetic.
5. (E8) EXT. CAL AND SYLVIA KNIFTON’S HOUSE – DAY
Cal and Sylvia Knifton are leaving home in the morning to head off to work in their separate cars. He pleads with her to accompany him to a fundraiser that evening, but she refuses.
6. EXT. TWO STOREY OFFICE BUILDING – DAY
7. INT. TWO STOREY OFFICE BUILDING – CORRIDOR – DAY
8. (E3) INT. SYLVIA KNIFTON’S OFFICE – DAY
Sylvia, an architect, sits at her desk on her cell phone, calling a man named Cliff.
9. (E3) INT. COMMERCIAL OFFICE DEVELOPMENT – DAY
Inside a commercial office building under construction, the works manager, Cliff Milford, stands in the middle of a large open area on his cell phone with Sylvia.
10. (E3) INTERCUT – TELEPHONE CONVERSATION
Sylvia arranges with Cliff to come by the site for an inspection tomorrow morning.
11. (E4) INT. ATTORNEY’S OFFICE – DAY
Cal Knifton’s attorney explains to him that if Sylvia commits an act of marital infidelity then their prenup is void, so she won’t be entitled to half of his assets.
12. INT. COMMERCIAL OFFICE BUILDING – ELEVATOR LOBBY – DAY
13. (E6) INT. KNIFTON AGENCY OFFICES – LAUREN’S OFFICE – DAY
Cal pops in to Lauren’s office and tells her he has a sensitive new case he’d like her to pick up, but he’ll have Mel drop in later to brief her on it.
14. (E7) INT. KNIFTON AGENCY OFFICES – LAUREN’S OFFICE – DAY
Mel drops in to Lauren’s office and tells her Cal suspects Sylvia of infidelity, and he’d like Lauren to track her to find evidence.
15. (E3) EXT. ROAD OUTSIDE CAL AND SYLVIA KNIFTON’S HOME – DAY
Lauren is waiting outside the Knifton’s home in her car to begin her surveillance of Sylvia when Cliff drives out and suggests she waits up the road on the other side of the house because of the way Sylva comes out. He drives off. Sylvia drives out and Lauren follows her.
16. EXT. SYLVIA’S OFFICE BUILDING – DAY
17. EXT. SYLVIA’S OFFICE BUILDING – DAY
18. (E3) EXT. RESIDENTIAL CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
Lauren follows Sylvia to her office and then to a residential construction site, which Sylvia inspects.
19. (E6) INT. RESTAURANT – DAY
Lauren watches Sylvia having lunch with three other women. Sylvia talks to one of them, Maddy, about her unhappy relationship with Cal. Maddy recommends she leave him.
20. INT. LAUREN’S CAR – DAY
21. EXT. SYLVIA’S OFFICE BUILDING – EVENING
22. EXT. CAL AND SYLVIA’S HOME – EVENING
23. INT. LAUREN’S CAR – EVENING
24. INT. CAL’S CAR – EVENING
25. (E4) INTERCUT – TELEPHONE CONVERSATION
Lauren follows Sylvia for the rest of the day. At the end of the day Lauren is waiting in her car near Sylvia’s home when Cliff approaches in his. He calls Lauren on his cell phone for a report on the day’s surveillance. Lauren tells him there was nothing out of the ordinary.
26. (E3) INT. KNIFTON AGENCY OFFICES – MEL BRIDGE’S OFFICE – DAY
Lauren pops in to Mel’s office and tells him that after two weeks of tracking Sylvia she’s seen nothing out of the ordinary. Lauren is skeptical about whether anything is going on at all. Mel insists that Cliff will expect her to continue.
Mel asks Lauren how things are with her former roommate Cathy. Lauren explains that Cathy has moved back in with her ex-husband.
27. (E2) EXT. SYLVIA’S OFFICE BLOCK – DAY
Lauren’s surveillance of Sylvia continues.
28. (E7) EXT. COMMERCIAL CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
When Lauren follows Sylvia to a commercial construction site, she is surprised to find that the works foreman Sylvia is dealing with is Lauren’s father, Cliff.
Cliff and Sylvia obviously get on well, each having a healthy respect for the other’s professional abilities.
Two young workers observe the congenial conversation between their boss and the architect, Sylvia, and one of them speculates to the other that the boss must fancy her. The other replies that’s unlikely because the boss has previously said the “she walks on the other side of the street”.
29. EXT. CLIFF’S HOUSE – FRONT DOOR – NIGHT
30. INT. CLIFF’S HOUSE – ENTRANCE HALL – NIGHT
31. (E8) INT. CLIFF’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Lauren visits her dad at home, and is unsettled when he tells her that he saw her at the site. She’s worried that Sylvia might have recognized her there too. Cliff reassures her that it was her car he recognized, not her, and suggests Sylvia would not know her car. Cliff asks Lauren why she’s trailing Sylvia. When Lauren tells him, he scoffs at the idea of Sylvia having an affair with another man, because, he says, without any judgment or condemnation “she belongs to your club”. When Lauren asks Cliff how he can be so sure, he replies that he has a good instinct about these things because Lauren’s mother was gay. Lauren is very surprised, particularly when Cliff goes on to tell her that her mother had a longstanding relationship with Aunty Rose – not really her aunt – who took care of both her mother’s needs and Cliff’s.
32. EXT. SYLVIA’S OFFICE BLOCK – DAY
33. EXT. ANOTHER OFFICE BLOCK ELSEWHERE DOWNTOWN – DAY
34. (E2 EXT. SYLVIA’S OFFICE BLOCK – DAY
Lauren’s surveillance of Sylvia continues.
35. (E8) INT. KNIFTON AGENCY OFFICES – MEL BRIDGE’S OFFICE – DAY
Cal has learned from Sylvia that she’s aware of Lauren following her. Cal is pissed and wants Mel to terminate Lauren.
36. INT. LAUREN’S CAR – DAY
37. (E3) INTERCUT – TELEPHONE CONVERSATION
Mel calls Lauren back to the office.
38. (E9) INT. CAFE BELOW KNIFTON AGENCY OFFICES – DAY
Mel gives Lauren an immediate termination letter.
39. EXT. CLIFF MILFORD’S HOUSE – NIGHT
40. (E7) INT. CLIFF MILFORD’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Lauren tells her dad why she’s been fired. He’s surprised that Sylvia would have fingered her, because he thought Sylvia was such a decent type. Lauren responds that she doesn’t know what happened.
41. INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – DINING ROOM – NIGHT
42. INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – ENTRANCE HALL – NIGHT
43. (E8) INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Sylvia calls at Lauren’s apartment to apologize over her having been fired. Sylvia said she knew because Lauren’s father had called her to tell her. Sylvia suggests there might be an opening for an accountant at her office. Lauren thanks her politely but shows no sign at this stage of wanting to follow up.
44. INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
45. INT. CLIFF MILFORD’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
46. (E5) INTERCUT – TELEPHONE CONVERSATION
Lauren calls her dad to thank him for his intervention with Sylvia.
47. INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – ENTRANCE LOBBY – DAY
48. INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – BEDROOM – DAY
49. (E9) INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – ENSUITE – DAY
Lauren is surprised to come home to find Cathy showering in her bathroom.
50. (E7) INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – BEDROOM – DAY
Cathy apologizes for intruding but pleads she had nowhere else to go after things didn’t work out again with her ex-husband. Her brother’s new girlfriend has moved in with him, so she couldn’t go there, and she couldn’t go home to her parents because they were disgusted with her after she’d moved in with Lauren.
Lauren gives Cathy two days to find somewhere else, but Cathy pleads to be accepted back. Lauren is firm in her refusal.
51. (E5) INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – DINING ROOM – DAY
Lauren is folding copies of her resume into envelopes with job applications. Cathy comes in and Lauren reminds her firmly that she needs to find somewhere else to stay.
52. (E9) INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – BEDROOM – DAY
Lauren wakes surprised to find Cathy in her bed cuddling her. Lauren jumps out of bed and tells Cathy it’s not on.
53. (E7) EXT. CAL KNIFTON’S HOME – NIGHT
Cal arrives home and notices Sylvia’s car parked in the street, with two suit cases in the back seat.
54. (E7) INT. CAL KNIFTON’S HOME – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
When he gets inside, Sylvia tells him she’s leaving. After a heated discussion, she goes.
55. INT. CAL KNIFTON’S HOME – ENTRANCE HALL – NIGHT
56. (E6) EXT. CAL KNIFTON’S HOME – FRONT GARDEN – NIGHT
Sylvia leaves.
57. (E4) INT. OFFICE SUITE LOBBY – DAY
Lauren arrives for a job interview with a firm of financial advisors.
58. (E3) INT. PREMINO AND RENTON’S OFFICE – CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
The interview is promising.
59. INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – DAY
60. INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – DINING ROOM – DAY
61. INSERT – THE CARD READS
62. (E5) BACK TO SCENE
Lauren arrives home to find Cathy gone. She is relieved. Cathy has left her a vase of fresh flowers with a thank you note.
63. EXT – COMMERCIAL CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
64. INT. COMMERCIAL BUILDING UNDER CONSTRUCTION – DAY
65. INTERCUT – TELEPHONE CONVERSATION
66. EXT. COMMERCIAL CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
67. (E4) EXT. COMMERCIAL CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
Sylvia goes for a routine inspection again at Lauren’s dad’s work site. Cliff tells Sylvia that Lauren has a new job, and suggests she get in touch with Lauren again because he’s sure she would be happy to hear from her.
68. INT. – LAUREN’S OFFICE – DAY
69. INT. SYLVIA’S OFFICE AT WORK – DAY
70. (E4) INTERCUT – TELEPHONE CONVERSATION
Sylvia calls Lauren to congratulate her on her new job. Sylvia invites Lauren for lunch to celebrate, because she’s feels so badly about being responsible for what happened to her at Knifton’s. Lauren accepts.
71. (E4) INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – DINING ROOM – NIGHT
Lauren has made dinner for her father at home. Cliff once again mentions how nice he thinks Sylvia is. Lauren chides him for what she sees as his match making efforts. He laughs it off.
72. (E6) INT. RESTAURANT – DAY
Lauren and Sylvia meet for lunch. There’s some discussion about what happened with Cathy and Cal respectively. Sylvia is subtle about it, but she obviously takes note of the fact that Lauren’s former partner was a woman.
73. (E4) EXT. OUTSIDE THE RESTAURANT – DAY
Lauren and Sylvia farewell one another outside the restaurant, agreeing it would be nice to get together again.
74. (E3) EXT. STREET OUTSIDE A BAR – NIGHT
Sylvia and her friend Maddy approach a bar.
75. (E6) INT. BAR – NIGHT
Sylvia and Maddy reminisce about college days, when Maddy’s current partner, Cheryl, and Sylvia were a couple. Maddy tells Sylvia that Cheryl is pregnant. Sylvia tells Maddy she’s finally left Cal. Maddy offers her hearty congratulations.
76. (E3) INT. CLIFF MILFORD’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Cliff tells Lauren there’s to be a ribbon cutting ceremony to open his project next week, and invites her to come. She’s happy to accept.
77. (E5) INT. COMMERCIAL CONSTRUCTION SITE – NIGHT
At the ceremony, Lauren runs into Sylvia, who’s there in her capacity as the project’s architect. They agree to get together for dinner on Friday next week.
78. INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – BEDROOM – NIGHT
79. (E5) INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – ENTRANCE HALL – NIGHT
Cliff is at Lauren’s apartment tightening a loose hinge on her closet door. He tells her of his suspicions about safety standards being cut on his new job, and that he’s going to send a copy of the plans to Sylvia for her to check them.
80. (E4) INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Lauren and Sylvia have a pleasant dinner together. Sylvia invites Lauren back to her place for a nightcap.
81. (E4) INT. LAUREN’S CAR – NIGHT
Lauren follows Sylvia’s car to Sylvia’s apartment building.
82. EXT. SYLVIA’S APARTMENT BUILDING – NIGHT
83. INT. SYLVIA’S APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
84. (E6) INT. SYLVIA’S APARTMENT – ENTRANCE HALL – NIGHT
Sylvia and Lauren have a pleasant drink together. When Lauren is leaving, there is a mild contretemps when Sylvia begins to lean in to kiss her, but pulls back and apologetically says she forgets how “we do this”. Lauren is understanding and says that Sylvia will remember when she’s ready.
85. INT. SYLVIA’S OFFICE – DAY
86. (E5) INTERCUT – TELEPHONE CONVERSATION
Sylvia receives a call from her boss, Malcolm Coleridge telling her that Ken Reynolds, from the firm’s construction attorneys, is in his office discussing the plans she got from Cliff Milford. Reynolds invites Sylvia to join them.
87. (E6) INT. MALCOLM COLERIDGE’S OFFICE – DAY
Reynolds explains that as far as his inquiries have been able to go so far, there is no indication that the plans for the new job Cliff Milford is working on were ever approved by the Town Planning Office. He notes that the implication of that is that any insurance coverage on the project would be voided.
Sylvia enquires about the implication of that for approval for occupancy of the building once it’s finished. Reynolds replies that it would be a problem, but he expects the developer would slip some money across the table to someone at the Town Planning Office to take care of that.
88. (E7) INT. COMMERCIAL CONSTRUCTION SITE – 1<sup>ST</sup> FLOOR – DAY
Cliff discovers a large crack in the ceiling of the building under construction. He urges his workers to go outside while he is to go upstairs to investigate.
89. (E10) INT. COMMERCIAL CONSTRUCTION SITE – 2<sup>ND</sup> FLOOR – DAY
When Cliff goes upstairs to investigate, the floor collapses and he disappears in the dust and rubble.
90. (E7) EXT. COMMERCIAL CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
The two workers, alarmed by the collapse, go back into the building to search for Cliff.
91. (E8) INT. COMMERCIAL CONSTRUCTION SITE – 1<sup>ST</sup> FLOOR – DAY
The two workers find Cliff unconscious and dial 911.
92. (E8) EXT. COMMERCIAL CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
Cliff is taken away in an ambulance.
93. INT. SYLVIA’S OFFICE – DAY
94. INT. CHARGE DESK AT ST. MARGARET’S HOSPITAL – DAY
95. (E5) INTERCUT – TELEPHONE CONVERSATION
Sylvia receives an inquiry from a sister at St. Margaret’s hospital about Cliff Milford’s next of kin.
96. INT. LAUREN’S OFFICE – DAY
97. (E6) INTERCUT – TELEPHONE CONVERSATION
Sylvia calls Lauren to alert her about the call from the hospital.
98. INT. LAUREN’S OFFICE – DAY
99. (E7) INTERCUT – TELEPHONE CONVERSATION
The sister calls Lauren to tell her that her dad has been in an accident at work and been admitted to the hospital.
100. INT. LAUREN’S CAR – DAY
101. EXT. ST. MARGARET’S HOSPITAL – PUBLIC CARPARK – DAY
102. INT. ST. MARGARET’S HOSPITAL – FIRST FLOOR – DAY
103. (E5) INT. ST. MARGARET’S HOSPITAL – FOURTH FLOOR – DAY
Lauren drives to the hospital and is directed to the fourth floor.
104. (E6) INT. ST. MARGARET’S HOSPITAL – ROOM 412 – DAY
Lauren is relieved to find her dad conscious and essentially okay. While she’s there, Sylvia arrives and confirms that her review of the plans Cliff sent her did indicate that there had been shortcuts on the safety measures. A doctor comes in and tells Cliff that now Lauren has arrived, she can take him home.
105. EXT. ST. MARGARET’S HOSPITAL – ENTRANCE – DAY
106. (E7) EXT. ST. MARGARET’S HOSPITAL – PUBLIC CARPARK – DAY
Lauren and Sylvia escort Cliff to Lauren’s car. Lauren sees him into the front passenger seat.
Lauren thanks Sylvia for coming. There’s a mild contretemps when Lauren attempts some physical intimacy at their parting. They agree to get together another day for lunch.
107. (E6) INT. RESTAURANT – DAY
Sylvia talks to her friend Maddy about how much she likes Lauren.
108. (E5) EXT. PUBLIC PARK NEAR CLIFF MILFORD’S HOUSE – DAY
Lauren tells her dad she thinks Sylvia is holding back. He counsels her to be patient.
109. (E8) INT. SYLVIA KNIFTON’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Cal calls at Sylvia’s apartment, without prior notice, “to go over a few things”.
110. (E6) INT. SYLVIA’S APARTMENT – DINING ROOM – NIGHT
Cal lays out on the dining table some papers he wants Sylvia to sign in connection with their impending divorce. Sylvia wants time to review them. Their meeting is interrupted when her intercom rings.
111. (E6) INT. SYLVIA’S APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Cal leaves.
112. (E8) INT. SYLVIA’S APARTMENT BUILDING – ELEVATOR LOBBY – NIGHT
Cal runs into Lauren in the lift lobby. There’s a testy exchange. Sylvia greets Lauren at the doorway of her apartment. They exchange kisses on the cheek.
113. (E6) INT. SYLVIA’S APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
The mood between Lauren and Sylvia becomes tense after Lauren asks Sylvia if she thinks Cal came over to try to make up. Sylvia says she must look over the papers Cal brought. Lauren gets up to leave.
114. (E7) INT. SYLVIA’S APARTMENT – ENTRANCE HALL – NIGHT
There’s no physical contact between the two as Lauren leaves.
115. (E5) INT. MEL BRIDGES’ OFFICE – DAY
Cal asks Mel why he thinks Lauren would have been at Sylvia’s apartment. He’s worried Lauren might give Sylvia information to help her with the divorce settlement.
116. (E5) INT. CLIFF MILFORD’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Lauren tells her dad that she thinks Sylvia is holding back.
117. EXT. CLIFF MILFORD’S HOUSE – FRONT PORCH – NIGHT
118. INT. CLIFF MILFORD’S HOUSE – ENTRANCE HALL – NIGHT
119. (E6) INT. CLIFF MILFORD’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Rose Crawford comes to visit Cliff. He tells her about Lauren’s issues with Sylvia.
120. (E5) INT. SYLVIA KNIFTON’S OFFICE – DAY
Rose calls Sylvia to ask her if they could talk.
121. (E4) INT. GROCERY STORE – DAY
Sylvia calls Rose back and invites her home for a chat.
122. INT. SYLVIA’S APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
123. INT. SYLVIA’S APARTMENT – ENTRANCE HALL – NIGHT
124. EXT. SYLVIA’S APARTMENT BUILDING – FRONT ENTRANCE – NIGHT
125. INT. SYLVIA’S APARTMENT – ENTRANCE HALL – NIGHT
126. (E7) INT. SYLVIA’S APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Rose calls on Sylvia and talks to her about Lauren’s mom. This makes Sylvia feel a lot more comfortable about herself.
127. INT. CLIFF’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
128. (E7) INT. CLIFF’S HOUSE – BEDROOM – NIGHT
Rose reports back to Cliff on his meeting with Sylvia. They go to bed together.
129. (E10) INT. LAUREN MILFORD’S OFFICE – DAY
Sylvia calls at Lauren’s office. They kiss without restraint.
130. INT. ROSE CRAWFORD’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
131. INT. – ROSE CRAWFORD’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – NIGHT
132. (E7) INT. ROSE CRAWFORD’S HOUSE LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Rose, Cliff, Lauren and Sylvia all have dinner together at Rose’s house.
133. FADE OUT
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Ian Greenham: Character Story Beats
1. Character Profiles
Lauren Milford
Role: Private Investigator instructed by her boss, Cal, to investigate his wife’s suspected infidelity.
Sylvia Knifton
Profile: Cal Knifton’s wife; eventually Lauren Milford’s love interest.
Cliff Milford
Profile: Lauren Milford’s father, life advisor and confidant.
Cal Knifton
Profile: Lauren Milford’s boss and Sylvia Knifton’s husband.
Rose Crawford
Profile: Former bisexual lover of Lauren deceased mother, and current lover of her father, Cliff.
2. Characters’ Beginning, Middle and End
Lauren Milford
Beginning: Deserted by her gay partner of two years.
Middle: Asked by her boss to track his wife, Sylvia, to confirm her suspected infidelity.
End: Has a loving relationship with Sylvia.
Sylvia Knifton
Beginning: In an unhappy marriage with Cal Knifton.
Middle: Struggles to form a loving bond with Lauren.
End: Finally forms a loving relationship with Lauren.
Cliff Milford
Beginning: Acts as a loving father/advisor to Lauren.
Middle: Encourages Lauren to pursue a relationship with Sylvia.
End: Has his bi-sexual partner, Rose, counsel Sylvia on coming to terms with her sexuality.
Cal Knifton
Beginning: In conflict with his wife Sylvia; instructs Lauren to track her.
Middle: Fires Lauren after Sylvia realizes what’s going on.
End: Unknowingly causes a temporary rift between Lauren and Sylvia.
Rose Crawford
Beginning: Referred to as Lauren’s deceased mother’s lover.
Middle: Heeds Cliff’s call to help.
End: Counsels Sylvia on coming to terms with her sexuality.
3. Character Beats
Lauren Milford
1. Lauren’s partner of 2 years, Cathy, moves out.
2. Lauren tells her father, Cliff, what happened.
3. Lauren’s boss, Cal Knifton, has a senior colleague, Mel, ask Lauren to track his wife, Sylvia, to investigate her suspected infidelity.
4. After 2 weeks, Lauren reports back to Mel that she’s seen nothing suspicious going on.
5. Lauren’s dad, Cliff, tells Lauren that Sylvia is gay, and that Lauren’s mom, now deceased, was also gay.
6. Cal has Mel fire Lauren because Sylvia has realized Lauren’s been following her.
7. Lauren tells her dad she’s been fired.
8. Sylvia comes by Lauren’s apartment to apologize for her being fired.
9. Lauren calls her dad to tell her of Sylvia’s visit. He tells her it was him who informed Sylvia about Lauren being fired.
10. Lauren comes home to find Cathy trying to move back in. Lauren tells her it’s not on.
11. Lauren interviews for a new job.
12. Sylvia calls Lauren to suggest they get together to celebrate Lauren’s new job.
13. Lauren’s dad encourages her to pursue a relationship with Sylvia.
14. Lauren and Sylvia have a pleasant lunch together.
15. Lauren’s dad invites her to a ceremony for the opening of the building he’s been working on.
16. As the architect for the project, Sylvia is at the ceremony. She and Lauren agree to get together for dinner.
17. Lauren’s dad tells her he thinks there have been some breaches of safety standards on his new project. He has sent to plans to Sylvia to investigate.
18. Lauren and Sylvia have a very pleasant dinner together. After not having been with another woman for over 15 years, Sylvia is a little awkward with any physical contact as they say goodnight when Lauren is leaving.
19. Lauren receives a call from the hospital to tell her that her father’s been injured in a construction accident. She goes to the hospital where she encounters Sylvia. Once again, there is a little awkwardness on Sylvia’s part as they go their separate ways after the hospital visit.
20. Lauren tells her dad she really likes Sylvia, but she thinks Sylvia is holding back.
21. Lauren is uncomfortable when she runs into Cal leaving Sylvia’s apartment after Sylvia had invited her over for a drink. Her discomfort sours the mood between her and Sylvia, so there is a distinct distance between them as Lauren leaves early.
22. Sylvia comes to Lauren’s office and there is a passionate reconciliation between them.
23. Lauren is joined by Sylvia and her dad for dinner at Rose’s home.
Sylvia Knifton
1. As Sylvia and her husband, Cal, leave home for work in the morning, there is an argument about her refusing to accompany him to a fund raiser that evening.
2. Sylvia, an architect, calls Cliff Milford to arrange a site visit at the construction project he’s managing.
3. Sylvia calls at Lauren’s apartment to apologize to her for having been fired by her husband over Lauren’s surveillance of Sylvia.
4. Sylvia moves out of the home she’s shared with Cal.
5. Sylvia calls Lauren to congratulate her on her new job, and to suggest they get together to celebrate.
6. Sylvia and Lauren have a pleasant lunch.
7. Sylvia has lunch with an old friend Maddy. They reminisce about old times, and catch up on recent developments.
8. Sylvia and Lauren meet up at the opening of Cliff’s new building. They agree to get together for dinner.
9. Sylvia and Lauren meet for dinner, and go back to Sylvia’s for a nightcap.
10. Sylvia’s boss calls her in to discuss the plans for Cliff’s new project with their construction attorney.
11. Sylvia receives a call from the hospital about Cliff’s accident.
12. Sylvia and Lauren meet at Cliff’s bedside in the hospital. There is a slight awkwardness between them over physical contact as they part afterwards.
13. Sylvia talks to her friend Maddy about her feelings for Lauren.
14. Cal’s unexpected visit to Sylvia’s apartment on the evening she’s invited Lauren over causes an awkwardness between the two women, with Lauren leaving early with a distinct coolness between them.
15. Rose Crawford counsels Sylvia on her mixed feelings about her sexuality.
16. Sylvia calls at Lauren’s office for a passionate reconciliation.
17. Sylvia joins Lauren, Rose and Cliff at Rose’s home for dinner.
Cliff Milford
1. Cliff sympathizes with Lauren after she tells him that Cathy left.
2. Cliff gives Sylvia a tour of the construction site.
3. Cliff tells Lauren that Sylvia is gay, and that Lauren’s mom was also gay.
4. Lauren tells Cliff that she was fired. Cliff tells her he thinks Sylvia is a decent person.
5. Lauren tells Cliff that Sylvia called at her apartment to apologize for her having been fired.
6. Cliff gives Sylvia another tour of the construction project and tells Sylvia that Lauren has a new job.
7. Cliff and Lauren have dinner together.
8. Cliff invites Lauren to the opening ceremony.
9. Cliff tells Lauren he’s concerned about corners having been cut on safety standards on the plans for his new project.
10. Cliff is injured in an accident at his construction site.
11. Cliff is in hospital after the accident. Lauren and Sylvia visit.
12. Cliff counsels Lauren to be patient with Sylvia while she recovers her stability with being gay.
13. Cliff calls Rose Crawford to discuss Lauren and Sylvia.
14. Cliff thanks Rose for her work with Sylvia.
15. Cliff joins Lauren and Sylvia at Rose’s home for dinner.
Cal Knifton
1. Cal has an argument with Sylvia about her refusal to accompany him to a fund raiser.
2. Cal discusses his prenup with his attorney.
3. Cal tells Lauren he has a sensitive new case he’d like her to pick up.
4. Cal briefs Lauren on Sylvia’s usual movements.
5. Cal orders Mel to fire Lauren.
6. Cal is confronted by Sylvia moving out.
7. Cal drops into Sylvia’s apartment without notice to go over some papers in connection with their divorce.
8. Cal encounters Lauren on his way out of Sylvia’s apartment.
9. Cal expresses his concern to Mel that Lauren night have been at Sylvia’s apartment to give her information about his business to help her with the divorce settlement.
Rose Crawford
1. Rose responds to Cliff’s call to visit him at home to discuss a problem.
2. Rose calls Sylvia to try to set up a meeting.
3. Rose calls at Sylvia’s apartment to discuss Lauren’s family history.
4. Rose reports back to Cliff. They go to bed together.
5. Rose hosts a dinner at home for Cliff, Lauren and Sylvia.
4. Improve Parts of the Story
Lauren Milford
I had considered giving Lauren a female friend/confidant, as Sylvia has with Maddy, but (1) since Cathy had just left Lauren, you’d expect there to be a bit of a vacuum there; and (2) since Lauren has such a perfect confidant in her father, adding another confidant would be superfluous, so I dropped that idea.
Sylvia Knifton
After the awkwardness with Lauren following Cal’s visit to her apartment, and Sylvia’s consequent emotional turmoil, I considered having Sylvia call Cheryl, the last woman she’d had an intimate relationship with before marrying Cal, just to remind herself that she could have a successful relationship with another woman. The conversation wouldn’t go well because Cheryl and Sylvia haven’t been in touch since Lauren broke up with her. I’m still considering this.
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Ian Greenham: Character Profiles
The most significant change during the review was to add in a few scenes to accentuate Sylvia Knifton’s emotional uncertainty after her contretemps with Lauren following Cal’s uninvited intrusion.
1. Logline
A gay private investigator is asked by her boss to track his wife, whom he believes is having an affair with another man, but when the investigator discovers that the wife is also gay, their relationship develops into something quite different from what her boss had envisaged.
2. Character Profiles
Lauren Milford
Role: Private Investigator instructed by her boss, Cal Knifton, to establish his wife’s marital infidelity.
Core Character Traits:
– Dedicated professional
– Well-balanced
– Principled
– Loyal and expects loyalty in return
– Gay
Optional:
– Character Arc: Goes from being the rejected lover to finding a new love.
– World View: Treat others as you’d like to be treated yourself.
Sylvia Knifton
Role: Cal Knifton’s wife; eventually Lauren Milford’s love interest.
Core Character Traits:
– Competent professional
– Sound character
– Unhappy in her marriage
– Out of touch with her gay sexuality
Optional:
– Want/Need: To break out of an unfulfilling marriage with her husband of 15 years.
– Character Arc: Goes from being insecure about her sexuality to fully embracing a new lesbian lover.
Cliff Milford
Role: Lauren Milford’s father, life advisor and confidant.
Core Character Traits:
– Kindly paternal
– Worldly
– Professionally competent
Optional:
– Mission/Agenda: To help his daughter find personal happiness.
– Secret: His wife was gay.
Cal Knifton
Role: Lauren Milford’s boss and Sylvia Knifton’s husband.
Core Character Traits:
– Arrogant
– Chauvinistic
Optional:
– Flaw: Insensitive to his wife’s emotional needs.
– Mission/Agenda; Self-aggrandizement
Rose Crawford
Role: Former bisexual lover of Lauren Milford’s deceased mother and current lover of her father, Cliff Milford.
Core Character Traits:
– Worldly
– Kind
– Bisexual
Optional:
– Mission/Agenda: To be as kindly supportive of others as she can be.
– Secret: Bisexuality.
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SCENE SUMMARY (A.K.A. BEAT SHEET)
Below is the Beat Sheet substantially revised after coverage notes from Terri Zinner.
Title: Catch Her If You Can
Genre: Romantic Drama
Concept: A gay private investigator is asked by her boss to track his wife, whom he believes is having an affair with another man, but when the investigator discovers that the wife is also gay, their relationship develops into something very different from what her boss had envisaged.
1. FADE IN
2. INT. LAUREN MILFORD’S APARTMENT – BEDROOM – EVENING
Lauren Milford, 33, comes into her bedroom, and finds Cathy, her partner of 2 years, also 33, packing clothes into a suitcase open on the bed. Cathy explains that she’s going to stay with her ex-husband to comfort him after his girlfriend moved out.
3. INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – EVENING
Cathy leaves without saying good-bye.
4. INT. CLIFF MILFORD’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Lauren tells her dad that Cathy left. He’s sympathetic.
5. EXT. CAL AND SYLVIA KNIFTON’S HOUSE – DAY
Cal and Sylvia Knifton are leaving home in the morning to head off to work in their separate cars. He pleads with her to accompany him to a fundraiser that evening, but she refuses.
6. EXT. TWO STOREY OFFICE BUILDING – DAY
7. INT. TWO STORY OFFICE BUILDING – CORRIDOR – DAY
8. INT. SYLVIA KNIFTON’S OFFICE – DAY
Sylvia, an architect, sits at her desk on her cell phone, calling a man named Cliff.
9. INT. COMMERCIAL OFFICE DEVELOPMENT – DAY
Inside a commercial office building under construction, the works manager, Cliff Milford, stands in the middle of a large open area on his cell phone with Sylvia.
10. INTERCUT – TELEPHONE CONVERSATION
Sylvia arranges with Cliff to come by the site for an inspection tomorrow morning.
11. INT. ATTORNEY’S OFFICE – DAY
Cal Knifton’s attorney explains to him that if Sylvia commits an act of marital infidelity then their prenup is void, so she won’t be entitled to half of his assets.
12. INT. COMMERCIAL OFFICE BUILDING – ELEVATOR LOBBY – DAY
13. INT. KNIFTON AGENCY OFFICES – LAUREN’S OFFICE – DAY
Cal pops into Lauren’s office and tells her he has a sensitive new case he’d like her to pick up, but he’ll have Mel drop in later to brief her on it.
14. INT. KNIFTON AGENCY OFFICES – LAUREN’S OFFICE – DAY
Mel drops into Lauren’s office and tells her Cal suspects Sylvia of infidelity, and he’d like Lauren to track her to find evidence.
15. EXT. ROAD OUTSIDE CAL AND SYLVIA KNIFTON’S HOME – DAY
Lauren is waiting outside the Knifton’s home in her car to begin her surveillance of Sylvia when Cliff drives out and suggests she waits up the road on the other side of the house because of the way Sylva comes out. He drives off. Sylvia drives out and Lauren follows her.
16. EXT. SYLVIA’S OFFICE BUILDING – DAY
17. EXT. SYLVIA’S OFFICE BUILDING – DAY
18. EXT. RESIDENTIAL CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
Lauren follows Sylvia to her office and then to a residential construction site, which Sylvia inspects.
19. INT. RESTAURANT – DAY
Lauren watches Sylvia having lunch with three other women. Sylvia talks to one of them, Maddy, about her unhappy relationship with Cal. Maddy recommends she leave him.
20. INT. LAUREN’S CAR – DAY
21. EXT. SYLVIA’S OFFICE BUILDING – EVENING
22. EXT. CAL AND SYLVIA’S HOME – EVENING
23. INT. LAUREN’S CAR – EVENING
24. INT. CAL’S CAR – EVENING
25. INTERCUT – TELEPHONE CONVERSATION
Lauren follows Sylvia for the rest of the day. At the end of the day Lauren is waiting in her car near Sylvia’s home when Cliff approaches in his. He calls Lauren on his cell phone for a report on the day’s surveillance. Lauren tells him there was nothing out of the ordinary.
26. INT. KNIFTON AGENCY OFFICES – MEL BRIDGE’S OFFICE – DAY
Lauren pops into Mel’s office and tells him that after two weeks of tracking Sylvia she’s seen nothing out of the ordinary. Lauren is skeptical about whether anything is going on at all. Mel insists that Cliff will expect her to continue.
Mel asks Lauren how things are with her former roommate Cathy. Lauren explains that Cathy has moved back in with her ex-husband.
27. EXT. SYLVIA’S OFFICE BLOCK – DAY
Lauren’s surveillance of Sylvia continues.
28. EXT. COMMERCIAL CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
When Lauren follows Sylvia to a commercial construction site, she is surprised to find that the works foreman Sylvia is dealing with is Lauren’s father, Cliff.
Cliff and Sylvia obviously get on well, each having a healthy respect for the other’s professional abilities.
Two young workers observe the congenial conversation between their boss and the architect, Sylvia, and one of them speculates to the other that the boss must fancy her. The other replies that’s unlikely because the boss has previously said the “she walks on the other side of the street”.
29. EXT. CLIFF’S HOUSE – FRONT DOOR – NIGHT
30. INT. CLIFF’S HOUSE – ENTRANCE HALL – NIGHT
31. INT. CLIFF’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Lauren visits her dad at home, and is unsettled when he tells her that he saw her at the site. She’s worried that Sylvia might have recognized her there too. Cliff reassures her that it was her car he recognized, not her, and suggests Sylvia would not know her car. Cliff asks Lauren why she’s trailing Sylvia. When Lauren tells him, he scoffs at the idea of Sylvia having an affair with another man, because, he says, without any judgment or condemnation “she belongs to your club”. When Lauren asks Cliff how he can be so sure, he replies that he has a good instinct about these things because Lauren’s mother was gay. Lauren is very surprised, particularly when Cliff goes on to tell her that her mother had a longstanding relationship with Aunty Rose – not really her aunt – who took care of both her mother’s needs and Cliff’s.
32. EXT. SYLVIA’S OFFICE BLOCK – DAY
33. EXT. ANOTHER OFFICE BLOCK ELSEWHERE DOWNTOWN – DAY
34. EXT. SYLVIA’S OFFICE BLOCK – DAY
Lauren’s surveillance of Sylvia continues.
35. INT. KNIFTON AGENCY OFFICES – MEL BRIDGE’S OFFICE – DAY
Cal has learned from Sylvia that she’s aware of Lauren following her. Cal is pissed and wants Mel to terminate Lauren.
36. INT. LAUREN’S CAR – DAY
37. INTERCUT – TELEPHONE CONVERSATION
Mel calls Lauren back to the office.
38. INT. CAFE BELOW KNIFTON AGENCY OFFICES – DAY
Mel gives Lauren an immediate termination letter.
39. EXT. CLIFF MILFORD’S HOUSE – NIGHT
40. INT. CLIFF MILFORD’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Lauren tells her dad why she’s been fired. He’s surprised that Sylvia would have fingered her, because he thought Sylvia was such a decent type. Lauren responds that she doesn’t know what happened.
41. INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – DINING ROOM – NIGHT
42. INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – ENTRANCE HALL – NIGHT
43. INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Sylvia calls at Lauren’s apartment to apologize over her having been fired. Sylvia said she knew because Lauren’s father had called her to tell her. Sylvia suggests there might be an opening for an accountant at her office. Lauren thanks her politely but shows no sign at this stage of wanting to follow up.
44. INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
45. INT. CLIFF MILFORD’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
46. INTERCUT – TELEPHONE CONVERSATION
Lauren calls her dad to thank him for his intervention with Sylvia.
47. INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – ENTRANCE LOBBY – DAY
48. INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – BEDROOM – DAY
49. INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – ENSUITE – DAY
Lauren is surprised to come home to find Cathy showering in her bathroom.
50. INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – BEDROOM – DAY
Cathy apologizes for intruding but pleads she had nowhere else to go after things didn’t work out again with her ex-husband. Her brother’s new girlfriend has moved in with him, so she couldn’t go there, and she couldn’t go home to her parents because they were disgusted with her after she’d moved in with Lauren.
Lauren gives Cathy two days to find somewhere else, but Cathy pleads to be accepted back. Lauren is firm in her refusal.
51. INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – DINING ROOM – DAY
Lauren is folding copies of her resume into envelopes with job applications. Cathy comes in and Lauren reminds her firmly that she needs to find somewhere else to stay.
52. INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – BEDROOM – DAY
Lauren wakes surprised to find Cathy in her bed cuddling her. Lauren jumps out of bed and tells Cathy it’s not on.
53. EXT. CAL KNIFTON’S HOME – NIGHT
Cal arrives home and notices Sylvia’s car parked in the street, with two suitcases in the back seat.
54. INT. CAL KNIFTON’S HOME – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
When he gets inside, Sylvia tells him she’s leaving. After a heated discussion, she goes.
55. INT. CAL KNIFTON’S HOME – ENTRANCE HALL – NIGHT
56. EXT. CAL KNIFTON’S HOME – FRONT GARDEN – NIGHT
Sylvia leaves.
57. INT. OFFICE SUITE LOBBY – DAY
Lauren arrives for a job interview with a firm of financial advisors.
58. INT. PREMINO AND RENTON’S OFFICE – CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
The interview is promising.
59. INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – DAY
60. INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – DINING ROOM – DAY
61. INSERT – THE CARD READS
62. BACK TO SCENE
Lauren arrives home to find Cathy gone. She is relieved. Cathy has left her a vase of fresh flowers with a thank you note.
63. EXT – COMMERCIAL CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
64. INT. COMMERCIAL BUILDING UNDER CONSTRUCTION – DAY
65. INTERCUT – TELEPHONE CONVERSATION
66. EXT. COMMERCIAL CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
67. EXT. COMMERCIAL CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
Sylvia goes for a routine inspection again at Lauren’s dad’s worksite. Cliff tells Sylvia that Lauren has a new job, and suggests she get in touch with Lauren again because he’s sure she would be happy to hear from her.
68. INT. – LAUREN’S OFFICE – DAY
69. INT. SYLVIA’S OFFICE AT WORK – DAY
70. INTERCUT – TELEPHONE CONVERSATION
Sylvia calls Lauren to congratulate her on her new job. Sylvia invites Lauren for lunch to celebrate, because she’s feels so badly about being responsible for what happened to her at Knifton’s. Lauren accepts.
71. INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – DINING ROOM – NIGHT
Lauren has made dinner for her father at home. Cliff once again mentions how nice he thinks Sylvia is. Lauren chides him for what she sees as his match-making efforts. He laughs it off.
72. INT. RESTAURANT – DAY
Lauren and Sylvia meet for lunch. There’s some discussion about what happened with Cathy and Cal respectively. Sylvia is subtle about it, but she obviously takes note of the fact that Lauren’s former partner was a woman.
73. EXT. OUTSIDE THE RESTAURANT – DAY
Lauren and Sylvia farewell one another outside the restaurant, agreeing it would be nice to get together again.
74. EXT. STREET OUTSIDE A BAR – NIGHT
Sylvia and her friend Maddy approach a bar.
75. INT. BAR – NIGHT
Sylvia and Maddy reminisce about college days, when Maddy’s current partner, Cheryl, and Sylvia were a couple. Maddy tells Sylvia that Cheryl is pregnant. Sylvia tells Maddy she’s finally left Cal. Maddy offers her hearty congratulations.
76. INT. CLIFF MILFORD’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Cliff tells Lauren there’s to be a ribbon-cutting ceremony to open his project next week, and invites her to come. She’s happy to accept.
77. INT. COMMERCIAL CONSTRUCTION SITE – NIGHT
At the ceremony, Lauren runs into Sylvia, who’s there in her capacity as the project’s architect. They agree to get together for dinner on Friday next week.
78. INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – BEDROOM – NIGHT
79. INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – ENTRANCE HALL – NIGHT
Cliff is at Lauren’s apartment tightening a loose hinge on her closet door. He tells her of his suspicions about safety standards being cut on his new job, and that he’s going to send a copy of the plans to Sylvia for her to check them.
80. INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Lauren and Sylvia have a pleasant dinner together. Sylvia invites Lauren back to her place for a nightcap.
81. INT. LAUREN’S CAR – NIGHT
Lauren follows Sylvia’s car to Sylvia’s apartment building.
82. EXT. SYLVIA’S APARTMENT BUILDING – NIGHT
83. INT. SYLVIA’S APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
84. INT. SYLVIA’S APARTMENT – ENTRANCE HALL – NIGHT
Sylvia and Lauren have a pleasant drink together. When Lauren is leaving, there is a mild contretemps when Sylvia begins to lean in to kiss her, but pulls back and apologetically says she forgets how “we do this”. Lauren is understanding and says that Sylvia will remember when she’s ready.
85. INT. SYLVIA’S OFFICE – DAY
86. INTERCUT – TELEPHONE CONVERSATION
Sylvia receives a call from her boss, Malcolm Coleridge telling her that Ken Reynolds, from the firm’s construction attorneys, is in his office discussing the plans she got from Cliff Milford. Reynolds invites Sylvia to join them.
87. INT. MALCOLM COLERIDGE’S OFFICE – DAY
Reynolds explains that as far as his inquiries have been able to go so far, there is no indication that the plans for the new job Cliff Milford is working on were ever approved by the Town Planning Office. He notes that the implication of that is that any insurance coverage on the project would be voided.
Sylvia enquires about the implication of that for approval for occupancy of the building once it’s finished. Reynolds replies that it would be a problem, but he expects the developer would slip some money across the table to someone at the Town Planning Office to take care of that.
88. INT. COMMERCIAL CONSTRUCTION SITE – 1<sup>ST</sup> FLOOR – DAY
Cliff discovers a large crack in the ceiling of the building under construction. He urges his workers to go outside while he is to go upstairs to investigate.
89. INT. COMMERCIAL CONSTRUCTION SITE – 2<sup>ND</sup> FLOOR – DAY
When Cliff goes upstairs to investigate, the floor collapses and he disappears in the dust and rubble.
90. EXT. COMMERCIAL CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
The two workers, alarmed by the collapse, go back into the building to search for Cliff.
91. INT. COMMERCIAL CONSTRUCTION SITE – 1<sup>ST</sup> FLOOR – DAY
The two workers find Cliff unconscious and dial 911.
92. EXT. COMMERCIAL CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
Cliff is taken away in an ambulance.
93. INT. SYLVIA’S OFFICE – DAY
94. INT. CHARGE DESK AT ST. MARGARET’S HOSPITAL – DAY
95. INTERCUT – TELEPHONE CONVERSATION
Sylvia receives an inquiry from a sister at St. Margaret’s hospital about Cliff Milford’s next of kin.
96. INT. LAUREN’S OFFICE – DAY
97. INTERCUT – TELEPHONE CONVERSATION
Sylvia calls Lauren to alert her about the call from the hospital.
98. INT. LAUREN’S OFFICE – DAY
99. INTERCUT – TELEPHONE CONVERSATION
The sister calls Lauren to tell her that her dad has been in an accident at work and been admitted to the hospital.
100. INT. LAUREN’S CAR – DAY
101. EXT. ST. MARGARET’S HOSPITAL – PUBLIC CARPARK – DAY
102. INT. ST. MARGARET’S HOSPITAL – FIRST FLOOR – DAY
103. INT. ST. MARGARET’S HOSPITAL – FOURTH FLOOR – DAY
Lauren drives to the hospital and is directed to the fourth floor.
104. INT. ST. MARGARET’S HOSPITAL – ROOM 412 – DAY
Lauren is relieved to find her dad conscious and essentially okay. While she’s there, Sylvia arrives and confirms that her review of the plans Cliff sent her did indicate that there had been shortcuts on the safety measures. A doctor comes in and tells Cliff that now Lauren has arrived, she can take him home.
105. EXT. ST. MARGARET’S HOSPITAL – ENTRANCE – DAY
106. EXT. ST. MARGARET’S HOSPITAL – PUBLIC CARPARK – DAY
Lauren and Sylvia escort Cliff to Lauren’s car. Lauren sees him into the front passenger seat.
Lauren thanks Sylvia for coming. There’s a mild contretemps when Lauren attempts some physical intimacy at their parting. They agree to get together another day for lunch.
107. INT. RESTAURANT – DAY
Sylvia talks to her friend Maddy about how much she likes Lauren.
108. EXT. PUBLIC PARK NEAR CLIFF MILFORD’S HOUSE – DAY
Lauren tells her dad she thinks Sylvia is holding back. He counsels her to be patient.
109. INT. SYLVIA KNIFTON’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Cal calls at Sylvia’s apartment, without prior notice, “to go over a few things”.
110. INT. SYLVIA’S APARTMENT – DINING ROOM – NIGHT
Cal lays out on the dining table some papers he wants Sylvia to sign in connection with their impending divorce. Sylvia wants time to review them. Their meeting is interrupted when her intercom rings.
111. INT. SYLVIA’S APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Cal leaves.
112. INT. SYLVIA’S APARTMENT BUILDING – ELEVATOR LOBBY – NIGHT
Cal runs into Lauren in the lift lobby. There’s a testy exchange. Sylvia greets Lauren at the doorway of her apartment. They exchange kisses on the cheek.
113. INT. SYLVIA’S APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
The mood between Lauren and Sylvia becomes tense after Lauren asks Sylvia if she thinks Cal came over to try to make up. Sylvia says she must look over the papers Cal brought. Lauren gets up to leave.
114. INT. SYLVIA’S APARTMENT – ENTRANCE HALL – NIGHT
There’s no physical contact between the two as Lauren leaves.
115. INT. MEL BRIDGES’ OFFICE – DAY
Cal asks Mel why he thinks Lauren would have been at Sylvia’s apartment. He’s worried Lauren might give Sylvia information to help her with the divorce settlement.
116. INT. CLIFF MILFORD’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Lauren tells her dad that she thinks Sylvia is holding back.
117. EXT. CLIFF MILFORD’S HOUSE – FRONT PORCH – NIGHT
118. INT. CLIFF MILFORD’S HOUSE – ENTRANCE HALL – NIGHT
119. INT. CLIFF MILFORD’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Rose Crawford comes to visit Cliff. He tells her about Lauren’s issues with Sylvia.
120. INT. SYLVIA KNIFTON’S OFFICE – DAY
Rose calls Sylvia to ask her if they could talk.
121. INT. GROCERY STORE – DAY
Sylvia calls Rose back and invites her home for a chat.
122. INT. SYLVIA’S APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
123. INT. SYLVIA’S APARTMENT – ENTRANCE HALL – NIGHT
124. EXT. SYLVIA’S APARTMENT BUILDING – FRONT ENTRANCE – NIGHT
125. INT. SYLVIA’S APARTMENT – ENTRANCE HALL – NIGHT
126. INT. SYLVIA’S APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Rose calls on Sylvia and talks to her about Lauren’s mom. This makes Sylvia feel a lot more comfortable about herself.
127. INT. CLIFF’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
128. INT. CLIFF’S HOUSE – BEDROOM – NIGHT
Rose reports back to Cliff on his meeting with Sylvia. They go to bed together.
129. INT. LAUREN MILFORD’S OFFICE – DAY
Sylvia calls at Lauren’s office. They kiss without restraint.
130. INT. ROSE CRAWFORD’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
131. INT. – ROSE CRAWFORD’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – NIGHT
132. INT. ROSE CRAWFORD’S HOUSE LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Rose, Cliff, Lauren and Sylvia all have dinner together at Rose’s house.
133. FADE OUT
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Title: Catch Her if You Can
Genre: Romance Drama
Logline: A gay private investigator is asked by her boss to track his wife, whom he believes is having an affair, but when the investigator discovers that the wife is also gay, their relationship develops into something very different from what her boss had envisaged.
Story Summary
Lauren, a gay private investigator, still getting over a breakup with her partner, is asked by her boss, Cal, to track his wife, Sylvia, an architect, whom he believes is having an affair with another man.
When Sylvia realizes what’s going on, she confronts Cal and walks out. Cal has Lauren fired.
When Lauren’s father, Cliff, a construction manager, who knows Sylvia through work, tells Sylvia what her husband did, she is mortified. She goes to Lauren’s apartment to apologize.
Cliff confides to Lauren that Sylvia is gay, and that Lauren’s mother was also gay, although it took her years to come to terms with it. He tells Lauren he believes that Sylvia is a very decent person, despite what happened.
Subsequent social contact between Lauren and Sylvia reveals a growing mutual attraction, but it’s impeded by the years since Sylvia had an intimate relationship with a woman.
Compromised safety standards by the developer on one of Cliff’s projects lead to his injury in an accident. At his hospital bed, as Lauren and Sylvia share their relief at his speedy recovery, the emotional barrier between them begins to fall, but awkwardness still remains on Sylvia’s side.
That awkwardness seems to begin to abate until Cal turns up uninvited at Sylvia’s apartment with some papers to sign, on the very evening that she’s invited Lauren over. Lauren and Cal have an awkward encounter in the elevator lobby as he’s leaving and she’s arriving. Lauren is so unsettled by the encounter with Cal that her meeting with Sylvia goes off track and the two of them part on quite uncomfortable terms, with Lauren having concerns that Sylvia is planning to reconcile with Cal.
Lauren subsequently tells Cliff of her difficulties with Lauren.
After Cliff arranges for his deceased wife’s gay partner to counsel Sylvia on coming to terms with her sexuality, the emotional barrier between Lauren and Sylvia finally falls.
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1. Ian Greenham
2. The words “I agree to the terms of this release form.”
3. Please leave the entire text below to confirm what you agree to.
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
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Hi Everyone. I’m Ian Greenham. I’ve written 6 scripts, but doubt that I’ve managed to get any of them to a truly professional level. I’m hoping this class will give me the impetus to continue to try to do so. I’ve also self-published two novels and a volume of four novellas adapted from four of my screenplays. I’m a retired Corporate Credit Risk Manager with an international bank, originally from Australia.
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Claudia,
I’d be happy to exchange if you like. My Drama is entitled “Sister in Time”. It’s about two identical twin sisters who don’t discover one another until they’re in their early 30s, one an attorney, one a former nurse in prison for a murder she claims she did not commit.
Ian Greenham; greenhamian@aol.com