[James Landers]

<div>

LOGLINE: Two high school students paired together in a biology lab pursue different interests and goals.

ESSENCE: Nancy wants the grade and she wants to coerce the arrogant Squire into doing some work, while Squire really just wants to make Nancy fall for him.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL BIO LAB – DAY

NANCY (15 years old, conservatively dressed) hunches over a frog dissection, deep in concentration. Her lab partner, SQUIRE (15, handsome, hip) blithely gazes around the room, checks his phone, and yawns.

NANCY

Try paying attention. It’s your crappy work I’m trying to fix.

SQUIRE

You’re the genius here. I’m just the pretty face.

NANCY

Flirt with your girlfriends on your own time. We’ve got work to do.

SQUIRE

I’ve got my best man on it. Sure A.

NANCY

You didn’t even read the chapter.

SQUIRE

Something came up.

NANCY

I bet. One of your girlfriends?

SQUIRE

Never mind.

NANCY

You’re going to fail this lab. The teacher will know you didn’t do any of the work.

SQUIRE

What do you want me to do?

NANCY

Expose this heart. And don’t puncture it.

Squire examines the frog, wrinkles his nose and stands back.

SQUIRE

Okay. Sure. In a minute.

NANCY

That’s what I thought. Don’t blame me for the grade you get on this.

SQUIRE

Are you going to the dance tonight?

NANCY

Why would I?

SQUIRE

Dances are fun. You know, new people? Friends? Romance? Do you have a boyfriend?

NANCY

(hands him the scalpel)

Focus on the frog, Romeo.

Nancy pauses her dissection to make notes in her lab book.

SQUIRE

A girlfriend?

NANCY

If you’re afraid to dissect a frog, just say so and I’ll save you.

Squire clumsily tries to find the heart. He slices into it.

SQUIRE

Shit.

NANCY

What’s your problem? No one’s that incompetent.

Squire straightens and hands the scalpel to Nancy.

SQUIRE

Can I copy your notes?

NANCY

No. Just keep out of my way.

SQUIRE

What makes you think I have a girlfriend?

NANCY

Please. I’ve seen you in the cafeteria. In the hallways. And you certainly don’t waste your nights doing homework.

SQUIRE

You think you know all about me because I didn’t do my homework last night, but that’s all you know about me.

NANCY

I know you’re a lazy, self-centered ass, and I’m not going to let you cost me an A on this lab.

SQUIRE

Grades, grades, grades. Is that all you think about? What do you do for fun?

Nancy hovers over the dissection, ignoring him.

SQUIRE

Come on, have you ever been kissed? You can tell me, I won’t tell anyone.

NANCY

Why don’t you go play with yourself in the bathroom?

SQUIRE

I really like your hair like that.

NANCY

Stop. I mean it. You’re insulting my intelligence.

SQUIRE

I’m completely sincere. You have a pretty face. The hair lets me see it. And the color brings out your eyes.

NANCY

You don’t have to be nice to me. I have to do the work either way and you’ll get a good grade out of it.

SQUIRE

Did it ever occur to you that I might actually be a pretty good student? Not in your class, but pretty good? I do my homework. I missed last night because I hurt my arm in practice. I was in the emergency room until midnight. It’s still not working right, that’s why I messed up your dead frog.

Nancy sits up and stares at him in sympathy, all thoughts of grades and the frog dissection gone.

NANCY

Okay, I’m sorry. Are you in pain?

SQUIRE

I’m okay.

NANCY

You might be wise to stay home tonight and rest.

SQUIRE

No. The dance will get my mind off my problems. I’d like it if you’d dance with me. At least one dance? It would mean a lot.

NANCY

I wasn’t going to go.

SQUIRE

Would you change your mind?

NANCY

Are you setting me up? Getting me there so you and your friends can make fun of me?

SQUIRE

I’m not like that. I want to dance with you. I want to know who you are.

He eyes her notebook.

SQUIRE

Can I copy your notes?

NANCY

The dissection is a mess. You severed the heart and I don’t know how you did it but the intestinal tract is completely mashed.

SQUIRE

But your notes are perfect, and that’s what counts.

</div>

[James Landers]

Lesson 14 – QE Cycle 3- Landers

Logline: Two high school lab partners argue over a failed frog dissection.

Essence: Nancy’s hard focus on grades is softened by Squire’s artful flattery.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL BIO LAB – DAY

NANCY (15 years old, conservatively dressed) hunches over a frog dissection, deep in concentration. Her lab partner, SQUIRE (15, handsome, hip) blithely gazes around the room, checks his phone, and yawns.

NANCY

Try paying attention. It’s your crappy work I’m trying to fix.

SQUIRE

You’re the genius here. I’m just the pretty face.

NANCY

Flirt with your girlfriends on your own time. If you cause me to get a a bad grade I’m going to scream like hell to the teacher.

SQUIRE

That’s a ‘B’, right? Bad grade for you, but a sky-rocket for me.

NANCY

You didn’t even read the chapter.

SQUIRE

Didn’t have time.

NANCY

Too busy with your girlfriends?

SQUIRE

Never mind.

NANCY

If I’m going to do your work for you, you owe me an explanation.

SQUIRE

Are you going to the dance tonight?

NANCY

Why would I?

SQUIRE

Dances are fun. You know, new people? Friends? Romance? Do you have a boyfriend?

NANCY

Focus on the frog, Romeo.

Nancy pauses her dissection to make notes in her lab book.

SQUIRE

A girlfriend?

NANCY

If you’re not going to help, you can at least be quiet.

SQUIRE

Can I copy your notes?

NANCY

No. You can keep out of my way.

SQUIRE

What makes you think I have even one girlfriend?

NANCY

Please. I’ve seen you at lunch. In the hallways. And you certainly don’t spend your nights doing homework.

SQUIRE

You think you know all about me because I didn’t do my homework last night, but that’s all you know about me.

NANCY

I know you’re a lazy, self-centered ass, and if you cost me an A on this lab I’m going to the teacher.

SQUIRE

Grades, grades, grades. Is that all you think about? What do you do for fun?

Nancy hovers over the dissection, ignoring him.

SQUIRE

Come on, have you ever been kissed? You can tell me, I won’t tell anyone.

NANCY

Why don’t you go play with yourself in the bathroom or something?

SQUIRE

I really like your hair like that.

NANCY

Stop. I mean it. You’re insulting my intelligence.

SQUIRE

No. I’m completely sincere. You have a pretty face. The hair lets me see it. And the color brings out your eyes.

NANCY

You don’t have to be nice to me. I have to do the work either way and you’ll get a good grade out of it.

SQUIRE

You think so little of me! Did it occur to you that I might be a pretty good student? Not in your class, but mostly Bs. I do my homework. I missed last night because we took my mom to the emergency room. She had her appendix taken out.

Nancy sits up and stares at him in sympathy, all thoughts of grades and the frog dissection gone.

NANCY

Oh my goodness. I’m so sorry. Really, I had no idea. How is she?

SQUIRE

She’s recovering. She wants me to go to the dance tonight. To get my mind off things.

NANCY

Are you going to go?

SQUIRE

After I see her. I’d like it if you’d dance with me. Just one dance? It would mean a lot.

NANCY

I wasn’t going to go.

SQUIRE

I hope you change your mind.

NANCY

(touching him)

Are you setting me up? Get me to go to the dance so you and your friends can make fun of me?

SQUIRE

I’m not like that. I want to dance with you. I want to know who you are.

He eyes her notebook.

SQUIRE

Can I copy your notes?

NANCY

The dissection is a mess. You severed the heart and I don’t know how you did it but the intestinal tract is completely mashed.

SQUIRE

But your notes are perfect, and that’s what counts.

[James Landers]

Title: James Landers – Max Interest 2

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is that even in a short scene, it’s important to stitch together MANY interest techniques to make the scene vital and interesting.

Logline:

TJ/Tina and Brenda reach the realization that their marriage is doomed.

Essence:

There are two immutable truths in TJ/Tina ‘s life: the absolute need to live as a woman, and unconditional love for Brenda.

Interest techniques for the rewrite.

Dilemma, Prediction, Creating a future (foreshadowing), Anticipatory Dialogue, Cliffhanger, Uncomfortable moment

INT. MARRIOTT HOTEL – TRANSGENDER BALL – NIGHT

It’s Valentine’s Day and both ballrooms of the swanky hotel are rocking with parties. The ballrooms share a hallway that leads to the elevators, escalators and bathrooms. As we enter the first ballroom, the Transgender Society’s ‘Come As Yourself’ annual ball swirls with flashing lights and colorfully clad people dancing to driving rhythms provided by an animated DJ. Heart-shaped red balloons float above tables bedecked in Valentines-themed tablecloths. Most of the dancers are transwomen and they represent the full trans spectrum, from crossdressers to fully transitioned women. They come in all sizes and shapes. They range in age from 25 to 75, though most are middle-aged. Presentations range from conservative to risqué. They are well-behaved, but many dance uninhibitedly, as if expressing their pent-up identities. As we come closer, we see TJ MASTERS (28, tall, handsome male, presenting as TINA, an attractive but readable cross-dresser). TJ/Tina is dressed tastefully and dances joyously with a cis-gender male. When the music stops, her dance partner bows and kisses her hand. She joins wife BRENDA (mid 20s, attractive, 5-months pregnant) at a table.

BRENDA

Did you enjoy yourself?

TJ/TINA

I’d rather dance with you.

BRENDA

You looked like you wanted to kiss him.

TJ/TINA

It was just a dance.

BRENDA

This was a bad idea.

TJ/TINA

It was a nice gift. Thank you.

BRENDA

I thought it might be fun, but it isn’t.

TJ/TINA

Is it the baby? You look tired.

BRENDA

It’s you, TJ. Tina. God, I’m so sick of this. I married a husband. A man. But watching you on the dance floor…you’re Tina. My TJ is gone.

TJ/TINA

I’m always there for you.

BRENDA

Not the you I married. In a year, you’ll be wearing dresses and makeup to work. Tell me I’m wrong.

TJ/TINA

(long pause)

I’m trying, honey. I haven’t started the hormones yet.

BRENDA

You might as well. You can’t help being who you are. You’re just pretending to be TJ, and that’s no good for either of us.

They both get teary eyed. TJ/Tina dabs at her tears.

BRENDA

You smeared your eyeliner, Tina. Go fix it. I need some alone time anyway.

TJ/TINA

I’m so sorry.

TJ/Tina leaves for the Ladies Room.

[James Landers]

James Landers – Challenging Situations

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is….scene building is more than conflict. Challenges to the main characters are a broader, richer source of conflict and can help me engage viewers (or readers) more closely with my characters.

Scene 1:

Current Scene Logline: Melanie2 talks on the phone to TJ2 as she explores her new office.

Essence: Melanie2 gets her first hints of what it’s like to be a beautiful, hot-bodied woman.

Brainstorm list of possible challenges.

A. Goal

a. She fumbles questions the real Melanie should easily answer.

B. Needs

a. She needs a friend, but everyone’s hostile, including TJ2.

b. She needs to be recognized as smart, but no one does.

C. Values

a. A co-worker could interact inappropriately with her.

D. Wound

a. TJ2 badmouths Brenda

b. She’s taunted for sleeping with the boss

E. Physical

a. Mel2 has trouble walking in heels

b. Her hose runs

c. She starts her period

Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.

Melanie2 will enter her new office and encounter colleagues. She’ll try to bluff her way through the morning, but she’ll fumble routine questions the original Melanie would answer easily (challenge her goal of passing as Melanie). A male colleague will interact inappropriately with her verbally (challenge her values). When she calls TJ for help, he disparages Brenda (wound). And after she’s been thoroughly humiliated, she starts her period and panics about what to do (physical).

Scene 2:

Current Scene Logline: TJ2 flirts with Natalie as he explores his new office.

Essence: TJ2 exhibits the same seductive/sexual behavior he had as Melanie.

Brainstorm list of possible challenges.

Goal: Pass as TJ; get acclimated in new job

-fumble easy questions

-shock Natalie by making a verbal pass

Needs: Hide strong sexual urge.

-Become aroused in front of others.

Values: It’s important to look cool.

-babbled responses to easy questions.

-obvious arousal while talking to Natalie.

Wound: Always felt inadequate as Melanie.

Physical:

He gets erect while talking to Natalie and she kids him about it.

A. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.

TJ2
encounters Natalie as he explores his office. He tries to project a
Casanova-cool image as he flirts with her, but he keeps fumbling easy questions—which office is his? what did they do last week? what’s his computer password (goal:
to pass as TJ). As they talk, he becomes noticeably erect and she teases him
about it (physical, needs, values).

[James Landers]

Lesson 11 Exercise – James Landers

What I’ve learned…give important characters at least one trait that can add conflict to scenes and charisma to the script. Equally important, give important characters a provocative subtext to help create complexity.

BEFORE

TJ/Mel2

DESCRIPTION: A sober, considerate man who has a burning need to be a woman.

TRAITS: Conservative, kind, loyal, dull.

SUBTEXT: Deep inside TJ’s dull, conservative personality is a flamboyant woman waiting to get out and fly.

Melanie/TJ2

DESCRIPTION: Melanie is a sexy, polyamorous party girl who has transgender urges.

TRAITS: Flamboyant, seductive, smart, kind.

SUBTEXT: Melanie is secretly frustrated at being regarded as a brainless bimbo, especially in her career.

Brenda

DESCRIPTION: Brenda is an attractive young woman carrying her first child and stressed because her husband wants to transition.

TRAITS: Sweet, irritable, intelligent, insecure

SUBTEXT: Brenda feels her husband’s need to be a woman stems from her inadequacy as a woman.

AFTER

TJ/Mel2

DESCRIPTION: TJ is a loving husband who wants to be a woman.

TRAITS: Conscientious, loyal, dull, explosive temper.

SUBTEXT: Inside TJ’s dull, conservative personality is a flamboyant woman waiting to get out and fly.

Melanie/TJ2

DESCRIPTION: Melanie is a polyamorous party girl who wants to be a man.

TRAITS: Flamboyant, seductive, kind, unfaithful

SUBTEXT: Melanie’s sexual behavior is motivated by a need for power and respect.

Brenda

DESCRIPTION: Brenda is a young mother-to-be who feels threatened and vulnerable by her husband’s gender transition.

TRAITS: Sweet, irritable, kind, insecure.

SUBTEXT: Brenda feels inadequate as a woman and has buried her sex drive.

[James Landers]

<div>James’ rewrite QE Cycle 2 for critique</div>

Logline: Nick discovers that two women rejected his offer of help because his friend John warned them about him.

Essence: John’s true feelings about Nick emerge in a chance encounter with two women.

EXT. WILDERNESS ISLAND – DAY

Wind whips the small island and dark clouds portend severe rain. NICK (late 20s, tall, muscular) and JOHN (late 20s, wiry, average height) finish setting up their tent. While John puts their gear in the tent, Nick walks 50 yards, to a clearing in the forest, where CHRISTY (mid-20s, outdoorsy, wearing a Sierra Club t-shirt) and JAZZ (mid-20s, blonde hair, paler skin, novice outdoorsman) struggle to erect a tarp to protect their cooking area from wind and rain. Their tent is nearby.

NICK

I can help with that.

CHRISTY

No thanks.

NICK

It’s no trouble.

CHRISTY

We don’t need your help.

NICK

I’m just offering assistance. I’m not asking for your hand in marriage.

JAZZ

Thank God.

CHRISTY

We really don’t want you anywhere near us.

Nick nods slowly, in thought, and goes back to his tent where John is finishing up.

NICK

We need to talk.

He gestures for John to follow him to the lake shore, out of earshot from the women.

NICK

What did you tell those two about me?

JOHN

Nothing. Why would I tell them anything about you?

NICK

They act like I’m the village flasher or something.

JOHN

Maybe they just don’t like you.

NICK

They don’t know me. Why would they dislike me already?

John shrugs and starts back to the tent.

NICK

Wait a minute. You were talking to them while I unloaded the canoe. You never do the chatty stuff. You’re a loner’s loner. What did you say?

JOHN

Just chatty stuff. Not everything’s about you, Nick.

NICK

Tell me. Tell me now.

JOHN

Or what? You’ll beat it out of me?

NICK

Or I tell your wife about the hooker at Bill’s bachelor party.

JOHN

I thought we were friends. I would never betray you like that. I thought you felt the same way.

NICK

I do. That’s why I never mentioned it. And I won’t, as long as you tell me what’s going on here.

JOHN

I can’t talk to you any more. You don’t keep confidences. You were the one person in my life I thought I could trust, and now I see, I can’t.

NICK

Stop mewling. What’s their issue?

JOHN

Maybe they just don’t like men.

NICK

Don’t fuck with me, John. They talked with you easy enough. Come on.

JOHN

It’s that important to you?

NICK

Yeah.

JOHN

I told them you were at the January 6th insurrection.

NICK

Why would you do that?

JOHN

They’re Sierra Clubbers, Nick. They don’t want any part of people like you.

NICK

Like me? What does that mean?

JOHN

It means you’re anti everything and not in a good way. Even though you’re my friend, you’re a fucked up Nazi. People need to be warned.

Amazement and wonder sweep over Nick’s face. He flushes red. He glowers at John, and then he explodes with a vicious punch to John’s abdomen.

[James Landers]

<div>Logline: Two female canoeists shun Nick, and he thinks John knows why.</div>

Essence: John and Nick are friends, but there are things they don’t like about each other.

EXT. WILDERNESS ISLAND – DAY

Wind whips the small island and dark clouds portend severe rain. NICK (late 20s, tall, muscular) and JOHN (late 20s, wiry, average height) finish setting up their tent. While John puts their gear in the tent, Nick walks 50 yards, to a clearing in the forest, where CHRISTY (mid-20s, outdoorsy, wearing a Sierra Club t-shirt) and JAZZ (mid-20s, blonde hair, paler skin, novice outdoorsman) struggle to erect a tarp to protect their cooking area from wind and rain. Their tent is nearby.

NICK

Let me help with that.

CHRISTY

No thanks.

NICK

It’s no trouble.

CHRISTY

We don’t need your help.

NICK

I’m just offering assistance. I’m not asking for your hand in marriage.

JAZZ

Thank God.

CHRISTY

We really don’t want you anywhere near us.

Nick nods slowly, in thought, and goes back to his tent where John is finishing up.

NICK

We need to talk.

He gestures for John to follow him to the lake shore, out of earshot from the women.

NICK

What did you tell those two about me?

JOHN

Nothing. Why would I tell them anything about you?

NICK

I don’t know, but they act like I’m the village flasher or something.

JOHN

Maybe they just don’t like you.

NICK

They don’t know me. Why would they dislike me already?

John shrugs and starts back to the tent.

NICK

Wait a minute. You were talking to them while I hauled the packs up from the canoe. What did you say about me?

JOHN

Nothing. Not everything is about you, Nick.

NICK

Tell me. Tell me now.

JOHN

Or what? You’ll beat it out of me?

NICK

Or I tell your wife about the hooker at Bill’s bachelor party.

JOHN

I thought we were friends. I thought that meant something to you.

NICK

It does. That’s why I never mentioned it. And I won’t, as long as you tell me what’s going on here.

JOHN

Maybe they just don’t like men.

NICK

Don’t fuck with me, John. They talked with you easy enough. Come on.

JOHN

It’s that important to you?

NICK

Yeah.

JOHN

I told them you were at the January 6th insurrection.

NICK

Why would you do that?

JOHN

They’re Sierra Clubbers, Nick. They don’t want any part of people like you.

NICK

Like me? What does that mean?

JOHN

It means even though you’re my friend, you’re a fucked up Nazi.

Amazement and wonder sweep over Nick’s face. He flushes red. He glowers at John, and then he explodes with a vicious punch to John’s abdomen.

[James Landers]

Screenwriting U. – Lesson 5 – scene/draft #1

INT. ARMY BASE – NCO CLUB – NIGHT

The club hums with the mostly male voices of soldiers who have gathered to watch the Super Bowl. Some wear fatigues, some are in dress uniforms, and many wear civilian attire. Their eyes are on television sets located around the room. TRENT (23, buck sergeant, athletic, military bearing) enters. He’s wearing an expensive suit, perfectly tailored, and a conspicuous Rolex watch. He works his way through the crowd, his eyes searching for…

ROBERT (23, Spec 5, heavy set, cocky) sits at a table near the far wall. He wears expensive casual clothes and expensive-looking jewelry. A significant pile of money is stacked in front of him. Trent makes his way to the table, nodding at the occasional person who says hello to him on the way.

ROBERT

Well, hey-hey, Jose. How are they hanging today?

TRENT

They’re hanging. You?

ROBERT

Never better, my man. What can I get you?

TRENT

(nods at the money)

The hundred bucks you owe me would be nice.

ROBERT

Sure. Let’s have a beer first.

Robert motions a waitress over.

ROBERT

A Bud for my best bud, if you please.

(to Trent)

Look at the ass on her! There oughta’ be a law.

TRENT

You said you were good for it on payday.

ROBERT

Remind me. What’s this?

TRENT

The eighth race at Charles Town? A month ago? You had a can’t-miss trifecta but you were broke?

ROBERT

I remember the race. What a cluster fuck that was. I don’t remember borrowing money from you.

TRENT

You did though. You were going to pay me back on payday.

ROBERT

I must have forgot.

TRENT

I looked for you at your barracks.

ROBERT

Yeah, I don’t hang around the Boy’s Club much.

TRENT

I thought we were friends. At the track you said you were going to introduce me to your contacts.

ROBERT

For sure. For sure. I’ve just been busy. You know, business.

TRENT

Let’s settle now.

ROBERT

Hold on a bit, my man. You know I’m good for it.

The waitress brings Trent’s beer.

ROBERT

(to the waitress)

Tell him, babe. I’ve got lots on my mind.

(to Trent)

Always got deals cooking, good sir. Got my eye on a Cadillac and a riverfront townhouse when I get out of here. You should invest with me.

TRENT

Can I trust you?

ROBERT

Hell yes. Man, I’m a money machine. Everyone who sticks with me makes out.

TRENT

What kind of investments?

ROBERT

The gold mine kind. I can’t say more than that because if anyone knew, they’d beat me to it. But you’re a pal, and for that, I’ll cut you in.

TRENT

How much?

ROBERT

How much you got?

TRENT

The hundred.

ROBERT

Okay. Good. What else?

TRENT

Maybe another hundred.

ROBERT

Got it on you?

TRENT

Yes.

ROBERT

More would be better.

TRENT

I know one of the guys in your barracks. Addison? He said you told him I buy my suits at a resale shop.

ROBERT

I don’t think I ever said that.

TRENT

And my Rolex is a knock off.

ROBERT

He’s an asshole. You can’t believe him.

TRENT

I had him set up to buy one of my suits, but he cancelled because of you.

ROBERT

Had nothing to do with me, Dude. He just didn’t want to make the investment. I’m telling you, all these people are stupid, small-minded assholes. All of them. Don’t believe anything they say.

TRENT

But I’m out the money and I need the hundred.

ROBERT

You’ll miss the chance of a lifetime. Let it ride. Throw in another hundred. In a month I’ll have you farting through silk.

TRENT

For real this time?

ROBERT

Would I lie to my best bud?

TRENT

Okay, but I don’t want to flash that kind of money in here. How about we go out back?

ROBERT

You got it, my man. This is the smartest thing you’ve done in your life. You’re going to want to kiss me on the lips when this haul comes in, but I’m not that kind of guy, so keep your distance.

They walk through the bar to the exit, Trent leading the way, Robert slapping hands with people he knows as he follows.

EXT. BEHIND THE NCO CLUB – NIGHT

In a quiet shadow of the building, Trent glances around. They’re alone. Trent fishes one hand into his pocket.

TRENT

Just for you, Best Bud.

Trent’s hand comes out of his pocket in a fist, and he sucker-punches Robert with a wicked uppercut. Robert stumbles back against the wall. Trent slugs him several more times as he speaks.

TRENT

Best bud, huh.

(slugs Robert)

You told Addison what a sucker I was.

(slugs him again)

That I’m a stupid sap.

(slugs him again)

Robert slumps against the wall, bloody and battered. Trent pulls Robert’s roll of cash from his pocket. He takes a hundred dollars from it and throws the rest on Robert’s lap. Trent holds his hundred dollars in front of Robert.

TRENT

Hey hotshot, this bud’s on you.

Trent leaves.

[James Landers]

<div>
</div>

Screenwriting U. – Lesson 5 – scene/draft #2 – JK Landers

INT. ARMY BASE – NCO CLUB – NIGHT

Enlisted men gather in the dimly lit NCO club bar for a drink before dinner. They range from E-3s to Master Sergeants and First Sergeants. They come in all manner of dress–fatigues, civilian attire, and dress greens, and some in civilian attire. TRENT (23, buck sergeant, wiry, military bearing, whitewall haircut) enters. He wears fatigues, but they’re crisply starched and perfectly bloused, and he wears an expensive Rolex watch on his wrist. He could be a poster boy for an Army recruiting photo. He works his way through the crowd, his eyes searching for…

ROBERT (23, Spec 5, heavy set, permanent cocky grin) sits at a table near the far wall, trying to make time with a waitress. Trent makes his way to the table. An acquaintance nods at him on the way and he nods back without stopping.

ROBERT

Well, hey-hey, Jose. How are they hanging today?

TRENT

(shrugs)

They’re hanging. You?

ROBERT

Never better, my man. What can I get you?

TRENT

The hundred bucks you owe me would be nice. Plus the vig.

ROBERT

Sure. Let’s have a beer first.

Robert motions a waitress over.

ROBERT

A Bud for my best bud, if you please.

(to Trent)

Look at the ass her! There oughta’ be a law.

TRENT

You said you were good for it. On payday.

ROBERT

Remind me. What’s this?

TRENT

Charles Town? The eighth race? You were broke but you had the field figured? You hit me up for a hundred, plus ten percent by payday.

ROBERT

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe I remember the race. What a bitch. But I don’t remember borrowing from you.

TRENT

You were going to bring it to my barracks on payday.

ROBERT

Today?

TRENT

Last payday.

The waitress brings Trent’s beer.

ROBERT

Must’ve forgot.

(to the waitress)

Tell him, babe. I’ve got lots on my mind.

(to Trent)

Always got deals cooking, my man. Working my way to a Cadillac and a penthouse. You should invest with me.

TRENT

The guys in your barracks say you don’t hang out there much.

ROBERT

The boy’s club. Small timers, my man. No dough, no ambition. That’s what I like about you. Nice watch, by the way. Business must be good.

TRENT

Guys I talked to didn’t seem to like you much.

ROBERT

They’re a bunch of dumb assholes.

TRENT

Got my cash?

ROBERT

Well, not just this minute. I’ve got investments. I want my money working. You know what that’s like. Don’t worry, I’ll get it to you.

TRENT

I’m counting on you.

ROBERT

Sure, dude. Got you covered.

TRENT

Good, thanks. I have to go, but, since we’re friends, I scored some great hash. You want a sample? On the house, for my best bud.

ROBERT

Sure. Maybe Sugar Butt’ll help me make it through the night.

TRENT

(standing)

Step into my office.

They walk through the bar to the Men’s Room, Trent leading the way, Robert slapping hands with people he passes.

INT. NCO CLUB LATRINE – NIGHT

Trent glances around. The place is empty. He leads Robert to the furthest stall, opens the door, and gestures for Robert to enter first. Robert does. Trent fishes one hand into his pocket.

TRENT

Just for you, Best Bud.

Trent’s hand comes out of his pocket in a fist, and he sucker-punches Robert with a wicked uppercut. Robert stumbles back and falls on the toilet. Trent slugs him several more times as he speaks.

TRENT

Best bud, huh.

(slugs Robert)

You told your barracks buddies what a sucker I was.

(slugs him again)

That I’m a stupid sap.

(slugs him again)

Well hotshot, this bud’s on you.

Trent finishes him with a final roundhouse hook and leaves Robert bloody, limp, semiconscious on the toilet. He washes the blood off his hands, then leaves.

[James Landers]

Screenwriting U. – Lesson 5 – scene – J.K. Landers

INT. ARMY BASE – NCO CLUB – NIGHT

The club hums with the voices of the pre-dinner crowd of non-commissioned soldiers, some in fatigues, some in dress uniforms, and some in civilian attire. TRENT (23, buck sergeant, wiry, military haircut, starched fatigues) enters and works his way through the crowd, his eyes searching for…ROBERT (23, Spec 5, heavy set, cocky) sits at a table near the far wall. Trent makes his way to the table.

ROBERT

Well, hey-hey, Jose. How are they hanging today?

TRENT

They’re hanging. You?

ROBERT

Never better, my man. What can I get you?

TRENT

The 25 bucks you owe me would be nice.

ROBERT

Sure. Let’s have a beer first.

Robert motions a waitress over.

ROBERT

A Bud for my best bud, if you please.

(to Trent)

Look at the ass on her! There oughta’ be a law.

TRENT

You said you were good for it on payday.

ROBERT

Remind me. What’s this?

TRENT

You had the eighth race solved, you said. The trifecta. You’d lost all your money but that was your bailout.

ROBERT

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can’t believe how that came out.

TRENT

I looked for you at your barracks on payday.

ROBERT

Yeah, I don’t hang around the Boy’s Club much.

TRENT

How come you didn’t get back to me?

ROBERT

Never got the message.

TRENT

Got the 25?

ROBERT

Not just this moment. I had to pay some bills, know what I mean? Don’t worry, I’ll get you your 25.

TRENT

I’m counting on you.

ROBERT

Sure, dude. Got you covered.

TRENT

Hey, before I go. I scored some great hash. You want a sample? On the house, for my best bud.

ROBERT

Sure.

TRENT

(standing)

Step into my office.

They walk through the NCO club to the latrine, Trent leading, Robert slapping hands with people he sees on the way.

INT. NCO CLUB LATRINE – NIGHT

Trent glances around. The place is empty. He leads Robert to the furthest stall, opens the door, and gestures for Robert to enter first. Robert does. Trent fishes one hand into his pocket.

TRENT

Have I got a surprise for you, Best Bud.

Trent’s hand comes out of his pocket in a fist, and he sucker-punches Robert with a wicked uppercut. Robert stumbles back and falls on the toilet. Trent slugs him several more times as he speaks.

TRENT

Best bud, huh.

(slugs Robert)

You told your barracks buddies what a sucker I was.

(slugs him again)

That I’m a stupid sap.

(slugs him again)

Well hotshot, this bud’s on you.

Trent finishes him with a final roundhouse hook and leaves Robert bloody, limp, semiconscious on the toilet.

[James Landers]

LESSON 4: ASSIGNMENT

–Kirk Landers

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is every scene must pique the audiences’ interest, and there are many techniques I can use to enhance the interest level of a scene.

ASSIGNMENT:

Take a scene that needs to be more interesting and use the Interest list to brainstorm more interesting ways to write it.

Take these steps:

Select the scene from your script that needs help and
give us a logline for that scene.

OLD: TJ2 and Melanie2 begin to share information about their former lives and reveal who they are in their new bodies.

NEW: TJ2 breaks it to Melanie2 that she’s inherited some dire financial problems.

Tell us the essence of the scene.

OLD: This scene reveals the euphoria each person feels as they examine their new bodies in private, but it also introduces the challenges they’re going to face when they go to work in the other person’s job.

NEW: Free-spirited TJ2 reveals himself as an unsympathetic and untrustworthy partner.

Tell us at least two (more if you can) interest
techniques for the rewrite.

Uncertainty – Have TJ2 tell Mel2 that her rent’s coming due and there’s no money.

Betrayal—TJ2 refuses to give Mel2 money.

Intrigue—TJ2 tells her if things get bad, he can introduce her to someone who can help.

Rewrite the scene using as many interest
techniques as you can and include the newly rewritten scene in your post.

INT. TJ’S ROOM – NIGHT

TJ/Tina2 strips off female attire and examines the male TJ2 in the mirror. He calls Melanie2.

INT. MELANIE’S APARTMENT – NITE

Melanie2 explores the apartment. In the bedroom, she sees herself in a large mirror and reacts with growing pleasure. She strips, examines herself, and tries different poses. She opens the closet as her phone rings.

TJ2

You survived Vince.

As he talks he runs a hand over his muscular abs, and his flat chest, then his genitals. He reacts with a mix of arousal and fascination.

INTERCUT: PHONE CONVERSATION

MELANIE2

You slept with that jerk?

She puts the phone on speaker and begins pulling sexy outfits fromt he closet and trying them on. She’s as eager as a kid in a candy store.

TJ2

At least you don’t have to live with him. What’s Brenda’s issue?

MELANIE2

She’s actually sweet but she’s pregnant and nervous and she hates that I’m trans.

TJ2

Well honey, you’re not trans anymore. How do you like your double-Ds?

MELANIE2

God, that’s the one great thing about this freaky night. I dreamed about having a body like this. Everything bounces and shakes when I walk.

TJ2

Which reminds me, am I on hormones?

MELANIE2

They’re on my dresser but I couldn’t bring myself to start them. It would break Brenda’s heart.

TJ2

Oh my God. I’m having my first boner. Holy Jumping Jesus Christ! I’m so hard it’s looking up at me. No wonder guys jump everything that moves. What are my chances with Brenda tonight?

MELANIE2

There’s a 10-foot pole in the garage. Be patient with her. She’s going through a hard time.

TJ2

I’m pretty hard myself.

MELANIE2

Spare me. Just tell me what I need to know to survive the week.

TJ2

Well, the landlord’s going to pressure you for rent.

MELANIE2

And?

TJ2

Payday’s in a week. But it won’t be enough.

MELANIE2

So, savings? Checking? Put it on the credit card?

TJ2

Sorry, they’re all tapped out.

MELANIE2

Then you get your ass straight to the bank Monday morning and withdraw a couple grand for me.

TJ2

I don’t even know you.

MELANIE2

It’s my money you jerk.

TJ2

I’ll try, but if it doesn’t work out, I know how you can get some extra income.

MELANIE2

Doing what?

TJ2

Trust me.

[James Landers]

ASSIGNMENT

Deep Into Character – James Landers

What I’ve learned from this assignment is that all characters should have good and bad traits–this is what makes them interesting to the reader. Furthermore, each of the people I described in this exercise could be cast either as a villain or a hero depending on which of their traits gets the most emphasis by the story teller. For that matter, any of them could be any sort of supporting character, too.

Select three EXTREME people
in your life. At least one of them should
be someone you really like. At least one of them should be someone you
don’t like and make a list of their CORE traits. You’re not looking to know every
single thing about them. You want to get to the heart of who they are —
and with extreme people, that is easier to do. <div>

Sam–

Hard working
Gregarious, kind
Domineering
Cruel

Dan P–

Intense, driven
Intelligent
Loses control
Unreliable

Rick–

Kind, Intense, Sensitive, Bi-polar (extreme), Fragile

Interact with them, knowing
their traits, and see if they respond in a way that is consistent with those traits.
Post the results of your
testing and how their traits stayed the same or changed.

Sam invests time in his kids and loves them, but he also creates strict rules for them and enforces the rules without flexibility and resolves conflicts with his teenagers by intimidating them with his dominating personality. Before marrying the Hell-Bitch, he went clubbing at clubs popular with LGBT people, as well as straights, and he had friends in the LGBT community. However, after marrying the Hell-Bitch, he became a MAGA Republican and wanted his kids to go to private schools with fewer minorities. He works long, long hours, but manages to make time to get to his kids’ games. Conversely, he’s cheap about investing in their activities. He is overtly cruel to his ex-wife, even though she is a conflict-avoider and tries hard to co-parent with him.

Dan P was a co-worker and best friend for many years. Dan was the best ad salesman I ever knew—articulate, driven, intense. He had the ability to engage clients, friends, and enemies in conversations about business, philosophy, morality and more. He often dominated the conversations, especially in a sales situation, but seldom offended his audience because he was so earnest and because the conversation was so engaging. He was self-educated and well read. In his hey-day, he was also interesting to engage with, but that began to change as he had more success and moved into management. Then he became prone to lecturing, not listening, and began to sound more like a cable news personality—quick with opinions, less interested in considering other points of view. His intensity was fed by conflicts in his personal life, and when one of those conflicts—his marriage—exploded, so did his world. He drank too much, and his intensity in conversation and debate became more unhinged and one sided. He was a nice enough man, but he was no longer a reliable friend or employee—something that had been foreshadowed in our friendship when he twice cancelled expensive fishing trips at the very last minute because he wanted to do something else.

Rick is a very talented actor, director, scriptwriter, and journalist. As a young man, he tended to be loud, cocky and flamboyant but much of that was powered by a manic-depressive personality disorder that became evident as he aged. As a young man, he tried to do the right thing for friends and family, but often failed at relationships during bouts of depression. As a middle-aged man with clinical bi-polar disease, he craves family and friend ties, rejoices when he’s able to do something for someone. He supports himself as a free lance writer, and has also written several screenplay scripts that have won minor awards. Conversely, when he cycles into depression he has trouble working for even an hour some days, and had periods of blackouts, where he suddenly finds himself in a place and has no memory of how he got there or why he went there (like the hero in Memento). Before he entered counseling, he went through several wives, blaming each failure on the crazy woman he married. During courtship he was kind and charming and indulgent. In his youth and young adulthood, he changed his name legally several times, as if the name would project the glamorous image he craved. When his bipolar condition cratered, he also created fake biographies of his life that spoke of cruel parents and an oppressed childhood which was the opposite of reality. Today, after years of therapy, he manages his disease much better, but he still believes he’s crazy because he was intimidated and manipulated by his mother. As a result, he can’t be in the same room with her, and his stories about his childhood are wildly unreliable. Rick is still so emotionally fragile that his recounting of emotional incidents is often unreliable.

</div>

[James Landers]

James L Puts Essence to Work

What I learned: There has to be more, deeper levels to every character and every scene for a story to be interesting.

Script I choose: The Changing Station

Scene 1 Location: Opening Scene/Marriott Hotel Ballroom
Logline: A wife snaps at her crossdressing husband for dancing with a man at a transgender ball.
Essence I’ve discovered: The scene is about conflict, but it also shows that TJ/Tina is devoted to his/her wife and her needs.
New Logline: Transgender Tina struggles for composure when her wife criticizes her gender expressions.

Scene 2 Location: Marriott Hotel Ballroom
Logline: Melanie infuriates Vince (her date) by dirty-dancing with Lana.
Essence I’ve discovered: Melanie is an uninhibited free-spirit who dresses any way she wants, dances with whomever she wants and, by implication, sleeps with whomever she wants.
New Logline: Androgynous Melanie defies Vince and social conventions by wearing a tuxedo to a wedding reception and dirty dancing with another woman.

Scene 3 Location: Marriott Hotel – Ladies Room
Logline: Two party girls harass Melanie and TJ/Tina for their transgender presentations.
Essence I’ve discovered: How Melanie and TJ/Tina respond to the girls’ bigotry is character defining and predicts how they will act when they switch bodies. TJ/Tina tells the girls to appreciate their good fortune, while Melanie tells them to eat shit and die.
New Logline: TJ and Melanie respond differently to trans-bashing women when they meet in a Ladies Room.

Scene 4 Location: City Walking Trail/Health Club Weight Room (intercut phone conversation)
Logline: Melanie2 (the former TJ) discovers that TJ2 is cheating on Brenda.
Essence I’ve discovered: This is where Melanie2 begins to understand how deep her love—and concern—are for Brenda.
New Logline: Melanie2’s gender euphoria is shaken when TJ2 boasts about his extra-marital sexual exploits.

Scene 5 Location: Peter’s Apartment
Logline: Melanie2 unloads all her heartbreaks to her neighbor, Peter, including
unintentional references to her previous male identity.
Essence I’ve discovered: Being female is more than having a woman’s body. This
scene is an important step in Melanie2’s inner transition to womanhood—she needs
to share her emotional burdens with someone else, including her origin story.
That she can’t share her origin story with anyone, even Peter, is one of the
deep conflicts in this story.
New Logline: Melanie2 pours her heart out to her neighbor. She wants to
unburden herself of her most crippling secret—that she was TJ until a few
months ago—but that’s not a story she can share with anyone but TJ.

[James Landers]

Kirk Landers Finds the Essence

What I learned is that the essence of the great scenes in a profound movie like Michael Clayton reveal profound truths about the characters and their world(s).

Script I choose: Michael Clayton

Scene 1 Location: INT. MANSION KITCHEN — NIGHT
Logline: Michael Clayton counsels a rich client after a hit-and-run accident.
Essence: The client reveals himself to be arrogant and amoral, and he expects to get away with his crime. Michael deals with him adeptly, even though the man disgusts him. This is our first insight into the corrupt world in which Michael Clayton lives.

Scene 2 Location: EXT. THE FIELD — DAWN
Logline: Michael is drawn to the pastoral innocence of horses grazing on a hill.
Essence: This scene occurs in Act 1 and Act 3, both times in stark contrast to Michael’s cesspool world. Here, his love of innocence and feelings of emptiness, save him from assassination.

Scene 3 Location: EXT. ALLEY — DAY
Logline: As Michael and Arthur spar verbally, Arthur reveals the conspiracy that has engulfed them, while Michael doesn’t see it yet.
Essence: The movie’s theme and its central conflict are defined when Michael says he’s not the enemy, and Arthur responds, “Who are you then?” Because in this morality play, if you’re not against the right of a corporation to kill people, you’re the enemy.

Scene 4 Location: INT. KAREN’S OMAHA HOME/BATHROOM — DAY
Logline: Karen Crowder rehearses her presentation to the Board.
Essence: We see the story’s villain as a hard-working woman who got where she is by out-preparing everyone else. Later, in Act 3, we see her suffering after she orders a hit on Michael. In these scenes we come to understand that she, like Michael and Arthur, is a good person who’s been caught up in a world of corruption, and she can’t see a way out because she’s so goal-focused. She’s a great villain because she’s so human and vulnerable.

Scene 5 Location: INT. SENIOR PARTNER’S RECEPTION AREA — DAY
Logline: Marty reveals that the firm’s business has always been defending the bad guys.
Essence: For the first time, Michael and the audience realize that all the characters in this story have been corrupted, even though they’re hard-working, seemingly moral people. This message is delivered by Marty, who always tries to do the right thing, and now we see he’s spent his career doing the wrong thing.

MOST PROFOUND ESSENCE:

Location: INT. SENIOR PARTNER’S RECEPTION AREA — DAY
Logline: Marty reveals that the firm’s business has always been defending the bad guys.
Essence: Marty says, “This is news? We’re defending cancer, for chrissake. The case reeked from Day One”—and for the first time, Michael and the audience realize that all the characters in this story have been corrupted, even though they’re hard-working, seemingly moral people. This scene, and Marty’s line, reveal a host of profound truths, including the fact that crazy Arthur is the only moral member of the cast, and that Marty, who always tries to do the right thing, has spent his career doing the wrong thing. Everyone in the story is likeable and corrupt.

MICHAEL What if Arthur was onto something?

MARTY What do you mean? Onto what?

MICHAEL hesitating because here’s JEAN, tapping her watch for MARTY to hurry up as she hands him A SMALL GRAY ENVELOPE –

MICHAEL U/North. What if Arthur wasn’t just crazy? What if he was right?

MARTY Right about what? That we’re on the wrong side?

MICHAEL Wrong side. Wrong way. All of it.

MARTY This is news? We’re defending cancer for crissake. The case reeked from Day One. Fifteen years in, I’ve got to tell you how we pay the rent?

MICHAEL What would they do, though, if they thought Arthur was gonna go public?

MARTY What would they do? Are you fucking soft? They’re doing it! (honestly incredulous) We don’t straighten this settlement out in the next twenty-four hours, they’re gonna withhold nine million dollars in fees they owe us. Then they’re gonna pull out the video of Arthur’s flashdance in Milwaukee and sue us for legal malpractice, except there won’t be anything to win because by that point the merger with London will be dead and we’ll be selling off the furniture. (handing Michael the envelope now–) That’s eighty. We’re calling it a bonus. You’re getting a three year contract at your current numbers. That’s assuming this all works out.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  James Landers.

[James Landers]

Hi all. I’m Kirk Landers and I also write as Renee James. I’ve written drafts of a couple of screenplays (that producers have found utterly resistible) and a script for a training film. I’m looking forward to learning a lot about structuring a story and creating scenes with less dialogue, among many other things. I’m one of those really strange trans people who live (and write novels and scripts) in both genders.

[James Landers]

James K. Landers

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  James Landers.

[James Landers]

Really creative scene! I think you hit all the assigned bits, especially the twist/cliff-hanger ending. Well done!

[James Landers]

The other writers have covered the assignment details pretty well, so I’ll just add a few general observations. First, I thought you did a terrific job of laying out dialogue that built tension as we went. Trent’s dialogue becomes increasingly tense as the scene progresses, signaling the end, as one of our colleagues pointed out. I thought that was a good thing because it created most of the tension in the scene.

I was a little confused about the time line, specifically, I thought the meeting was to sign the contract, but we soon find out a clause in the contract had already gone into affect.

The ending was a switch and a surprise for me, though to be honest, the fact that the setup was premeditated on Trent’s part takes away some of the effectiveness of the building dialogue that precedes it.

I thought you did a good job of catching the essence of both characters, and completing the assigned scene arc. I also enjoyed a lot of your dialogue. Thanks for sharing your work with us!

–James Landers

[James Landers]

Hi Shelley,

I thought you did a great job of capturing the essence of Robert and Trent, both in terms of their character arcs and much of their dialogue. You also threw in a great twist at the end with the bi/gay suggestion, not to mention the attack wolf ending. Some of your dialogue sounds more like prose narrative than dialogue and would have to be tightened up for you to win an Oscar, but I thought you got the hard part right–the essence of each character. Well done, and thanks for sharing your work with us. –James Landers