Jackie Macgirvin
Forum Replies Created
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Hi Tammy,
For some reason I can’t get the day 4 tab to show up and open. Would you possibly share your email or would you prefer for me to post my assignment here? Thanks.
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Jackie Macgirvin, I agree to the terms of this release form.
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I learned this great technique to identify and resolve structure problems.
Log Line: A 29-year-old, estranged from his parents, and soured on marriage from their divorce, struggles to cope when both parents end up convalescing at his home — his father’s amnesia prevents him from recognizing Jacob or his ex-wife.
Main Conflict: Jacob has to come to terms with and heal emotionally when his estranged family ends up living at his house.
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Opening: Introduction
to Jacob (11) and his parents Howard and Evelyn.
</div><div>Inciting Incident: Trying to win money to buy Jacob a
birthday present, Howard loses the family’s house and is too ashamed to
ever return to the family.Page 10: Present Day: Jacob (29) as an adult hasn’t
seen his father since and his relationship with his angry, bitter mother
is strained, at best. Their divorce has left him soured on love.First turning point at end of Act 1: Present Day: Howard,
now 59 is still in love with Evelyn and is going to her house to ask her
out. He falls and his head injury results in amnesia. Jacob is contacted,
as the next of kin, and he brings Howard to his home to recoup. Howard
doesn’t remember being married, having a son or fighting in Vietnam. He
believes Jacob is a kind-hearted social worker. The next day, Evelyn
arrives and demands to convalesce at Jacob’s from a leg injury. Howard
doesn’t recognize her. She plans to have Howard committed on “mental
issues” and pulls a series of shenanigans to make him look crazy. A single
physical therapist, Heather, visits six days a week to help Howard and
Evelyn. She and Jacob clash.Mid-Point: Howard’s kindness toward Evelyn causes her
to review their romance and marriage in a flash back.Second turning point at end of Act 2: Jacob goes to
Howard’s house to borrow tools. Sees his whole house is like a shrine with
pictures of Jacob and Evelyn and other furniture and things from Jacob’s childhood.
There is also a letter Howard had written to Evelyn explaining why he
left. Jacob brings Evelyn to Howard’s house and she softens when she
realizes Howard never stopped loving her and she sets out to help him
regain his memory and get him to propose to her again.Crisis: Howard overhears a conversation and erroneously
thinks Evelyn is marrying him for money. He runs away. Several days later
Jacob finds Howard.Climax: Heather is in a car wreck and this causes Jacob
to realize that he does love her.Resolution: Jacob and Heather and Howard and Evelyn are
getting married on a dock. Evelyn falls in the water and Howard dives in
to rescue her, reminiscent of a similar situation when they were in high
school. Howard recognizes Evelyn, his memory restored.The revision that I made was with the climax. Instead of Heather being in a car wreck I have Heather getting engaged to an old flame who unexpectedly re-enters her life.
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What I learned is that what I thought of as “re-writing” was really editing.
Jackie Macgirvin – Thanks For The Memories
LOG LINE: A 29-year-old, soured on
marriage by his parents’ divorce, struggles to cope when both parents end up
convalescing at his home. The father, with amnesia, doesn’t remember having a
son or ex-wife. The angry ex-wife schemes to get her ex-husband out of the
house on “mental issues.” A vivacious physical therapist challenges the son’s
vow to never fall in love.SYNOPSIS: Jacob (29) soured on love by his parents’ divorce when he was young, brings his father, Howard, (58) whom he hasn’t seen in decades, home to recover from amnesia caused by a head injury. Howard has no memory of marriage, a son, or of having fought in Vietnam.
The next day, Jacob’s overbearing mother Evelyn, (58) arrives demanding to convalesce there until her leg heals. She is still seething at Howard for the divorce and schemes to get him removed from Jacob’s house for “mental health” reasons. Howard has an unusual attraction toward Evelyn. Heather, (28) a single, visiting physical therapist arrives to care for Howard and Evelyn and gets off on the wrong foot with Jacob.
Through flashbacks we learn that during his marriage Howard drank because of undiagnosed PTSD, which contributed to their divorce; however, he has never stopped loving Evelyn, who re-married shortly after the divorce for financial stability. When Evelyn’s second husband died, Howard intended to pursue her, but was injured and lost his memory.
Howard sets about renovating Jacob’s house and yard. Unbeknownst to Howard he is reproducing projects he did for Evelyn when they were first married – planting her favorite flowers and trees, building a gazebo, etc. Howard paints a mural of a husband, wife and son, also unaware he’s designing their previous life as a family together. Evelyn remains unmoved.
Evelyn feeds Howard cinnamon causing an allergic reaction. When the PT pulls off his shirt Evelyn sees the scars on Howard’s back from a high school swimming accident when he shielded her from the blades of a pontoon boat. Over the scars and on his arms are tattoos of Evelyn Forever, etc. Evelyn knows the only thing Howard is afraid of is needles, and ends up feeling ashamed. Howard’s continued kindnesses start slowly diminishing her animosity toward him.
Jacob visits Howard’s house to borrow some tools — it’s a time-capsule with all their original possessions. There are also letters to Evelyn explaining that Howard left in shame, not because he stopped loving her. Jacob brings Evelyn to Howard’s house. Evelyn’s heart is changed and she sets out to get Howard to propose.
Unfortunately, Howard overhears Evelyn speaking of her previous marriage for money and assumes she’s talking about him, so he runs away and Jacob and Evelyn search for several days before he is found.
Jacob still protects his heart from love until Heather is hospitalized after a car accident and he understands the depths of his feelings for her.
The two couples are getting married in Jacob’s back yard on a dock over the pond when the two family dogs accidentally knock Evelyn in the water. Howard dives in and saves her, and in doing so he flashes back to his high school water rescue of Evelyn and his memory is restored. There, treading water with Evelyn in his arms, he shrieks in delight calling out his former pet name for her – My Pookie Bear!
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My name is Jackie Macgirvin. My screen plays are faith-based and/or clean humor.
Here’s the log line for my rom-com, Thanks For the Memories. It has an emphasis on forgiveness:
A 29-year-old, soured on
marriage by his parents’ divorce, struggles to cope when both parents end up
convalescing at his home. The father, with amnesia, doesn’t remember having a
son or ex-wife. The angry ex-wife schemes to get her ex-husband out of the
house on “mental issues.” A vivacious physical therapist challenges the son’s
vow to never fall in love. -
Hello Everyone,
I’m Jackie Macgirvin. I’ve been writing screenplays for about 10 years and I’ve written about 6 screenplays, a few which have made the semi-finals and the finals in contests. I’m really excited to get some re-writing tools because I just keep making small changes each time I read my scripts.
As far as something unique: I was caught in an ice storm and had to spend the night, along with about 100 other people, in a shopping mall. The theater stayed open all night playing free movies.
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Hi Tammy, For some reason I can’t open the Day 4 tab. Would you mind sharing your email or would you prefer for me to post my homework here? Thanks.
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Tammy, congratulations on optioning your screenplay. I think maybe you should be teaching a class! I am traveling today, on my way to New York to visit my mother-in-law. It might be a day or two before I get the assignment posted. I am glad you’re willing to partner. Do you have another script that you would like to use for this class?
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Hi Tammy, Do you need a partner? I didn’t see you on the partner page. I’d love to put our heads together throughout this class if you’re amenable.
Jackie
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Aleta, I love this story. I like the first version better where Jack and Hank are at the top of the building together. I think this would cause more tension. Jack can also be in danger trying to reach to get the ornament. Maybe Hank can save Jack before he swings out to get the ornament. If you do it the other way and Jack and his mom are on the ground watching I don’t think it’s believable that one of them wouldn’t see the ornament fall and land in the purse. If it’s just Mom who is down below watching, she could turn back to the TV camera and that’s why she wouldn’t see the ornament land in her purse. Maybe it could even land in the hood of her coat, which isn’t on her head, but open laying behind her neck. I don’t think a news reporter would be carrying her purse while being live.
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Hi Elizabeth, Did you ever figure out how to post your log line and one page overview?
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Hi<font size=”5″> Elizabeth,</font>
<font size=”5″>I would be glad to partner with you. I’ve been writing for 30 years and have published two Christian novels. I am also very technically challenged and hope that this goes straight back to you and not to the moderator:) Let me know if you receive it. Thanks.</font>
<font size=”5″>Jackie</font>
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Hi Elizabeth, Did you figure out how to get your log line and 1 page synopsis on the forum?
I’m a little confused myself. I thought we were getting assignments on Monday and Thursday. When I signed in today I see we are on day four, not day two! I have my amended log line and one page synopsis but I’m not sure where to post it. Maybe someone else will read this and direct me:)
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I would be glad to partner with you. I’ve been writing for 30 years and
have published two Christian novels. I am also very technically
challenged and hope that this goes straight back to you and not to the
moderator:) Let me know if you receive it. Thanks. -
Hi Alfred, I’ve massaged it a little more after reading Hal’s info on log lines. Any feed back for me?
LOGLINE
REVISED: A
29-year-old, estranged from his parents, and soured on marriage from their
divorce, struggles to cope when both parents end up convalescing at his home —
his father’s amnesia prevents him from recognizing Jacob or his ex-wife. -
Alfred, If I’m limited to one sentence I guess it would read like this: A 29-year-old, soured on marriage by his parents’ divorce, struggles to cope when both parents end up
convalescing at his home — his father with amnesia, along with his angry ex-wife.Do you like that better?
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I love this! I can already see it in my mind.