[James Bodley]

LOGLINE: The Payback

ESSENCE:
Old on young – with different points of view.

SCENE:

They exit the bank together onto a hot crowded
sidewalk. The older man, twice the age of the younger one, puts a restraining
hand on his arm.

NICK

Hey, but what about all the drinks, smokes and
meals I staked you for?

JOHN

Whatcha mean?

(indignant)

I never asked you for any of it. And half of it
I never even wanted. If I’d known you were going to ask for everything back,
I’d never have taken any of it. Or I’d have kept a strict account, taken only
the absolute minimum.

NICK

Well, you shoulda thought about that at the
time… Who’d ya think I was? Some kind of Rockefeller?!

JOHN

Thing was, I figured you were buying company,
‘cos you didn’t like being alone. And I wasn’t the only one you offered drinks
too…

NICK

Sure, but they took a turn buying rounds.

JOHN

Some of them, sometimes…

NICK

You trying to cheat me out of my money?

JOHN

Like you say, it was your money. You did with it
what you wanted. I never asked for any of it.

NICK

Oh no? But you were happy enough to take what
was on offer!

JOHN

And so you would have been, in a similar
situation.

Nick’s strong forearms show a mess of veins
blackened by years of shooting up.

NICK

So, you want to weasel out of you debt, huh? You
think I’m gonna let you do that?!

He hitches up the waist of his pants with the
inside of his wrists, like a boxer in gloves hitches up his shorts.

JOHN

We’re not talking debt. For there to be a debt,
someone first has to borrow. I never borrowed anything. And I certainly never
asked for anything, either.

(beat)

I was under the mistaken impression that you
were just generous. You seem to have been under the impression that I was
racking up debt!

NICK

You slimy little weasel! I’ll knock seven kinds
of shit out of ya!

He moves forward aggressively, but John steps
away.

JOHN

You can try. But you’ll have to catch me first!
I’m not gonna stand up to the ex-fly weight champion of the Seventh Fleet! And
I know you have a knife…

NICK

You little bastard!

JOHN

You forget, Nick, we don’t all have the luxury
of a family sending us a monthly allowance. But then you’re too busy buying admirers
and playing ‘last of the big time spenders’ to think about that.

John waives a meagre bundle of dollar bills.

JOHN

This flimsy paycheck is all I’ve got. And I
intend keeping every penny of it.

NICK

Why you freeloading son of a bitch!

He lunges, but John steps back. A car swerves
around him.

NICK

You goddamn sponger!

JOHN

Beggars can’t be choosers, Nick. I thought you
were one thing. You thought I was another. Let’s say that we were both
mistaken…

NICK

You little rat! Put ‘em up and fight!

Instead, John steps farther back into the
roadway, one eye on approaching traffic.

JOHN

I always heard that ‘Discretion is the better
part of Valor.’ So if you don’t mind, I’ll use my discretion…

With a gap in the traffic he quickly slips across the road. Nick starts out after him, but is forced to wait a few moments.

On the other sidewalk, John purposely jogs, dodging pedestrians.

Eyes narrowed Nick reaches the other sidewalk and breaks into a run. But after
twenty paces he slows and hitches up his pants with his wrists. He slicks back greasy
sideburns with a worn comb, then slides into a nearby bar.

NICK

Vodka. And gimme a beer with that.

The bartender pours a shot glass full to the brim. Nick eyes Its bulging meniscus as it trembles, threatening to run over the edge. His hands on the edge of the bar, Nick steadies himself, leans forward and with religious concentration
slurps the excess liquid without spilling a drop. He tosses back the shot, shivers and
grimaces as though swallowing medicine, and arrogantly waves the empty glass at the
bartender.

He turns his back to the bar, leaning his
elbows on it, nodding to himself knowingly. He begins to carefully survey the customers.

[James Bodley]

A group of Ashton Tate employees stand near the mezzanine

watercooler talking and laughing.

TECHNICIAN

Hey, I’ll drink to that !

RECEPTIONIST

Me too !

They pretend to clink plastic cups.

As the group spots ROBERT approaching the HUM OF CONVERSATION

dries up.

Robert sidles to the watercooler and half fills a plastic

cup. He looks around sipping, nodding to himself. Uninvited

he tags onto the group. A couple of employees give him a nod,

others ignore him.

TRENT (45), breezes out of his Area Manager office in an

immaculate grey suit, shoes shining like polished chestnuts.

At the cooler he nods vaguely at those standing around, fills

a plastic cup. He takes it into his office and closes the

door.

ROBERT

Huh, probably needs it to cool his

ardor.

RECEPTIONIST

Er, what do you mean?

ROBERT

Oh, nothing really.. ..saw him in

the photocopy room yesterday. Had

Trixie backed into a corner, looked

to me like he was making a move on

her.

TECHNICIAN

How you know? They could’ve have

just been talkin’.

RECEPTIONIST

He something of a Romeo, you

reckon?

ROBERT

Oh you know… Some people never know

when to stop… Met his wife at

Christmas. Nice woman…

SECRETARY 1

(sighs)

Well, catch you all later, I’d

better get back.

SECRETARY 2

Yeah, me too. Back to the

grindstone.

TECHNICIAN

No peace for the wicked, huh?

The group quickly evaporates.

Robert stands alone at the watercooler, pours away water he

didn’t really want, bins the plastic cup.

CUT TO:

INT. OFFICE – DAY

In a fastidiously tidy office Trent toys with a gold-nibbed

fountain pen as he talks on the phone.

TRENT

Okay, Carol, nice one. At the

annual appraisal, I’ll remember

you.

RECEPTIONIST (V.O.)

Everybody avoids him, he’s always

skulking around, trying to stir

things up. Probably has his eye on

Trixie himself.

TRENT

Okay, well… I suppose I’ll have

to sort him out…

CUT TO:

INT. MEZZANINE – DAY

In shirtsleeves Trent stands on the mezzanine, balancing a

half empty watercooler refill on the railing. On the floor

below, Robert saunters past grasping photocopies.

Trent’s eyes narrow as he calculates the distance.

He lobs the half empty polystyrene container which falls like

a stone and explodes with a CRACK ! on tiles behind Robert,

water flies everywhere!

CU ROBERT

He cringes, drenched in ice water, paralyzed and trembling he

looks up to see where the shattered plastic container came

from.

POV TRENT

TRENT

(cheerily)

Oh, sorry about that. Just changing

the cooler water bottle. Still, you

who’s so jealous of other people’s

ardor. Maybe that’ll help cool your

own!

(beat)

By the way, you’re from Facilities

Maintenance aren’t you?

Robert nods.

TRENT

So, better get a bucket and mop it

up…

Head bowed Robert trudges off gripping soggy photocopies.

SUPER:

“THE NEXT DAY”

The same clique stands around the water cooler, laughing and

joking. Their conversation dies away as Robert appears

carrying a mop and bucket. He ignores them and knocks on Area

Manager Trent’s door.

INT. TRENT’S OFFICE – DAY

Trent types on a laptop computer on his desk.

TRENT

Enter!

The door opens. Robert enters gripping a mop and bucket.

Trent is a little surprised.

TRENT

Yes?! What can I do for you?

ROBERT

I just came to report, sir, that

the water was all cleaned up, as

requested.

TRENT

Very well. Good. You can go now.

ROBERT

I was asked to enquire, sir, if you

wished for a copy?

TRENT

A copy?

Robert nods.

TRENT

A copy of what?

ROBERT

The CCTV footage, sir.

TRENT

(alarmed)

Footage! Of what?!

ROBERT

You launching that container, sir.

The Maintenance management

considers it a dangerous act, sir.

One that could even have been

fatal.

(beat)

They’re asking me, if I wish to

pursue charges.

Trent blanches. He half stands uncertainly.

TRENT

Now look here…! It was only meant

as.. ..as..

ROBERT

..a warning, sir?

TRENT

Yes, exactly. That’s it! Simply a

warning…

ROBERT

So you admit dropping a water

cooler container on me, but only as

a reprimand, a sort of warning?

TRENT

Precisely. And as the matter’s been

dealt with internally, there’s no

point pursuing it any further.

(beat)

I’ll make a point of recommending

you to your management at the next

annual appraisal.

ROBERT

Is throwing a water cooler

container at an employee a

recognized company policy, sir?

Trent starts to reply but no words come, he stands there

gaping open mouthed like a fish out of water.

ROBERT

If not, then “Give unto Caesar that

which is Caesar’s…”

In a smooth practiced gesture he launches a cascade of dirty

water scudding across the floor, its bow wave reaching and

racing around Trent’s ankles.

Robert jettisons the bucket with a CLANG!

ROBERT

Incidentally, there are no CCTV

cameras covering the mezzanine,

sir. But there is this…

He lifts the lapel of his boiler suit to reveal a lapel mike.

He presses the play button on his micro recorder.

ROBERT

And there’s also an excellent Wi-Fi

network and public address system.

(beat)

Just listen ! You can hear the

proof right now…

Out in the corridor the PA can be heard BROADCASTING their entire conversation.

Robert slops the wet mop head on Trent’s desktop.

ROBERT

I’ll leave you the tools, sir.

Bring them back to Maintenance,

when you’re through cleaning up…

[James Bodley]

Rewrite of QE Cycle 1

A handful of Ashton Tate employees stand near the mezzanine watercooler. When they spot ROBERT approaching conversation dries up.

Robert sidles up to the watercooler and half fills a plastic cup. He looks around sipping, nodding to himself. Uninvited he tags onto the group.

A couple of employees acknowledge him with a nod, others do not.

Area Manager, TRENT (45), comes out of his office. He wears an immaculate grey suit and his shoes shine like polished chestnuts. He goes to the cooler, nods vaguely at those standing there and fills a plastic cup. He takes it back into his office and closes the door.

ROBERT

Huh, probably needs it to cool his ardor.

RECEPTIONIST

Er, what do you mean?

ROBERT

Oh, nothing really.. ..saw him in the photocopy room yesterday. Had Trixie backed into a corner and looked to me like he was making a move on her.

TECHNICIAN

How do you know? They could’ve have just been talkin’.

RECEPTIONIST

He something of a Romeo, you reckon?

ROBERT

Oh you know… Some people never know when to stop… Met his wife at the Christmas party. Nice woman…

SECRETARY 1

(sighs)

Well, catch you later, I’d better get back.

SECRETARY 2

Yeah, me too. Back to the grindstone.

TECHNICIAN

No peace for the wicked, huh?

The group quickly evaporates.

Robert stands alone at the watercooler, pours away water he didn’t really want and bins the plastic cup.

CUT TO:

INT. OFFICE – DAY

In his meticulously tidy office Trent plays with a gold-plated fountain pen as he talks on the phone.

TRENT

Okay, Carol, nice one. When it’s the annual appraisal, I’ll remember you.

RECEPTIONIST (V.O.)

Everybody avoids him, he’s always skulking around, trying to stir things up. Probably has his eye on Trixie himself.

TRENT

Okay, well… I suppose I’ll have to find a way of sorting him out…

CUT TO:

INT. MEZZANINE – DAY

Trent stands on the mezzanine, balancing a half empty watercooler refill on the railing. On the floor below, Robert saunters past with photocopies. Trent’s eyes narrow as he calculates the distance.

Trent lets fall the half empty polystyrene container. It falls like a stone behind Robert and explodes with a CRACK ! on the tiles, water flies everywhere.

CU ROBERT

He cringes, drenched in ice water, half paralyzed. Trembling he looks up to see where the shattered plastic container came from.

POV TRENT

TRENT

(cheerily)

Oh, sorry about that. Just changing the water bottle. Still, you who’s so jealous of other people’s ardor. Maybe that’ll help cool your own!

(beat)

By the way, you’re from Facilities Maintenance aren’t you?

Robert nods.

TRENT

So, better get a bucket and mop it up…

[James Bodley]

Four Ashton Tate employees stand near the watercooler. When they spot ROBERT coming their conversation tails off.

Robert strides to the watercooler and half fills a plastic cup. He looks around sipping, nodding to himself. Then invites himself and goes over to the group.

A couple of employees give him a nod, others do not.

Area Manager, TRENT, comes out of his office and goes straight to the cooler, nodding vaguely at those standing around, fills a cup and takes it back inside his office and closes the door.

ROBERT

Huh, probably needs it to cool his ardor.

CAROL

Whadya mean?

ROBERT

Nothing really.. ..just I saw him in the photocopy room yesterday, had Trixie backed into a corner. Looked to me like he was making a move.

MIKE

How do you know that? They might have just been talkin’.

CAROL

Something of a Romeo, you reckon?

ROBERT

Oh you know… Some people never know when to stop.

(beat)

Met his wife last year at the Christmas party. Nice woman…

SUSIE

(sighs)

Well, catch you all later, I’d better get back.

DOROTHY

Yeah, me too. Back to the grindstone.

MIKE

No peace for the wicked, huh?

The group gone, Robert stands alone at the watercooler and pours away the water he didn’t want. He bins his plastic cup.

CUT TO:

In his office Trent talks on the phone.

TRENT

Okay, Carol, nice one. I owe you for that.

CAROL (V.O.)

Everybody avoids him, he’s always trying to stir it up. Probably got his eye on Trixie himself.

TRENT

Okay, well.. I suppose I’ll just have to find a way of sorting him out.

LATER

Trent stands on the mezzanine, balancing a half empty watercooler refill on the railing. Below him Robert saunters past with photocopies. Trent’s eyes narrow as he calculates.

With Robert’s back to him, Trent lets fall the half empty polystyrene container. It plummets like a rock and explodes on the tiles below, CRACK !

Water flies everywhere…

CU ROBERT

He cringes, drenched in ice water, half paralyzed. Trembling he looks up to see where the shattered container came from.

TRENT

(cheerily)

Oh, sorry about that. Just changing the water bottle. Still, you who’s so jealous of other people’s ardor. That’ll help cool yours!

[James Bodley]

James Bodley Max Interest Part 1

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is to have a wide palette of techniques to dip into and add interest and tension.

1. Scene from my script: (WHATEVER IT TAKES)

Reformed crook Dan ‘hasn’t a nickel’ Nichols returned to crime to get enough money for his eight-year-old daughter’s treatment. But things have gone pear shaped. Now with his ex-wife held hostage and Dan in chains, he’s forced to finish heroin refining for the gang.

2. Essence of the scene:

Dan and Karen know that in a couple of days they’ll be killed, and their sick daughter will become an orphan.

3. Interest techniques used:

Challenging situation

Suspense

Uncertainty — hope/fear

Twist

Surprise

Reveal

4. Rewritten scene:

INT. EL BASTION – DAY

MAKESHIFT LAB

Schiller lazes in an armchair, holding Dan’s ankle chain while Dan stirs bucket-size glass vessels set in pans of dry ice. As the solutions cool a white slush of heroin rapidly forms.

Snyde arrives, jerks his head and Schiller enters the lab. From under a bench he drags out two plastic bin liners filled with brick-hard vacuum packs. Snyde tows them away down the corridor.

CU DAN

He slips his daughter’s plastic Mickey Mouse figurine from his pocket and kisses it. He repockets it and places a heavy laboratory clamp stand on one end of the drying table and plugs in a heating mantle.

He turns the rheostat to “MAX” – the mantle’s filaments glow.

From a bottle of “SULFURIC ACID” he half fills a beaker and places it near the clamp stand.

Dan takes the thirty trays of dry fluffy white powder from under the drying lights and empties them into a plastic bin. Then refills the trays with moist slush, watching it steam. Glancing at Schiller, he says dreamily:

DAN

This stuff is so pure, you could cut it thirty percent and no one would be any the wiser.

He shakes his head at the idea of such a waste.

Dan drags the plastic bin to the vacuum packer. He scoops heroin into foil bags and lays them inside the machine. It CHUGS and BEEPS. Dan lifts out brick-hard vacuum packs and drops them into a bin liner.

Schiller, tongue in cheek, eases himself from the armchair and moseys over to the drying trays. Dan half turns to watch. Schiller pokes his forefinger into a tray of damp powder and sucks it thoughtfully.

Dan sidles over and stands near him. Schiller leers at him.

DAN

See what I mean?

Schiller nods. Dan points to the farthest tray near the door.

DAN

And you see that one?

Schiller glances in the direction of the tray, nods and turns back just as Dan jerks the beaker of acid into his eyes!

Schiller SHRIEKS ! A hand over his eyes he scrabbles for his gun but Dan skips away with the clamp stand. Schiller FIRES blindly, misses, FIRES again. Dan hits him hard on the ear with the heavy base of the stand, he lurches into the drying bench as Dan hits him again. The gun clatters to the floor.

CU SCHILLER

Eyes like pink dumplings he grovels on hands and knees for his gun. Dan stamps his thick fingers and kicks the gun away, then fells him like an ox with another savage blow.

Dan pockets the gun, grabs a bottle of “ETHER” and darts to the door. He hurls the bottle at the heating mantle. GLASS BREAKS, with a WHOOSH the lab ERUPTS in flame.

Dragging chain Dan runs down the corridor. An EXPLOSION blows him off his feet…

BEDROOM – SAME TIME

Karen charges her wheelchair at the bed, grabs the eiderdown and slides with it to the floor. On her stomach, pushing the wheelchair ahead, she slithers onto the upstairs landing.

POV KAREN

Snyde rushes into the hall below, pistol in one hand, a heavy canvass bag in the other. He heaves the bag beneath the hall phone table with a CLUNK, then plunges through a doorway.

On her stomach, Karen knots a necktie to the rear of the wheelchair and lowers it carefully down one step, then another. An EXPLOSION startles her and the necktie whips through her fingers. She watches horrified as the wheelchair cart-wheels downstairs and CRASHES into the hall.

It lies on one side, one wheel spinning.

Karen descends on her backside step by step.

HALL

She eyes the chair, one wheel has bent absurdly. Leaving it she squirms to the front door, reaches up for the handle, then hesitates. She turns and wriggles back the way she came…

KITCHEN

Dan gets to his feet and throws off his smoldering lab coat. He rushes to the cupboard holding the distribution board and pushes the gate circuit breaker home.

Then, chain in one hand, gun in the other, he casts about for Karen. Did she make it downstairs?!

Snyde scuttles across a doorway, Dan FIRES and crouches behind the island of hobs and sinks, his back to the French doors.

BANG! a slug SMASHES into the stove, RATTLING the pots. An empty cartridge case rolls across the tiles, a pool of water spreads.

Dan glances over his shoulder. Shocked he spots Karen on the lawn! She’s dragging herself along like a wounded animal and If Snyde spots her she’s done for!

With a whoop Dan takes off like a runner from the blocks. He dashes into the great room, zigzagging wildly.

GREAT ROOM

SHOTS send him diving behind a Scandinavian sofa. A picture on the wall above him SHATTERS.

SNYDE (V.O.)

For fuck’s sake, Benny. Can’t you shoot any straighter? He’s behind the bloody sofa, not halfway up the wall!

Dan sees Snyde, FIRES and FIRES again.

In a long eerie quiet, Dan eyes all directions. The porch door CREAKS as Snyde pushes it open with a broom. Dan pulls the trigger, a dry CLICK, he slips the magazine from the butt. Empty!

EXT. EL BASTION – LAWN – KAREN – DAY

Smoke pours from the damaged lab and shutters hang broken.

Hampered by the heavy canvass bag, she drags herself along on her forearms, jaw set, legs trailing behind her.

The lawn, bordered by a low fence, forces a detour, though through the fence is tantalizingly seen the barn.

Karen’s strength gives out. She collapses with a sob, grimy and exhausted, beating the dirt in frustration. She brushes sweat from her eyes, digs the silver foil from her jeans and trembling opens it. Clumsily she sniffs up the white powder.

She rests a moment, in the house GUNSHOTS sound. Then with new determination, she drags herself and the CLANKING sack onwards, urging herself on like a seal racing for the sea…

INT. EL BASTION – DAN – DAY

GREAT ROOM

Dan lays down the gun and coils his chain. He dashes back in the direction he came as bullets SING past. As he scrabbles at a door handle, something slams into him and he crashes through the door as splinters fly.

On Dan’s back an ugly wound blows bubbles of mucous and blood, his BREATH SOUNDING LIKE A PLUNGER in a blocked sink. Trailing chain he scrabbles to a narrow pantry, lies among mops and brooms, a freezer towes above him.

PANTRY

The door is kicked open. Benny stands there, his revolver aimed at him.

ECU the hammer is cocked, the cylinder turns.

Benny turns the gun aside, FIRES three times into a sack of rice. He nods at Dan, winks, then backs out into the corridor.

BENNY

(yells)

Got the bastard! Let’s get the hell out of here!

Dan falls back, spasms rack him. A HISS, he turns his head, rice grains stream from the punctured sack. It slowly crumples.

——– end of example (WHATEVER IT TAKES) ———

[James Bodley]

Title: James Bodley Profiles People

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is that when young and foolish I imagined that I was a good judge of character. Many years and mistakes later I understand how I was blindsided on more occasions than I care to admit. Any insight into our or our character’s motivation is precious.

Person 1

· Sales talk

· Artful

· Miserly

· No taste

Person 2

· Artistic

· Intelligent

· Shy

· Reserved

Person 3

· Gregarious

· Gift of the gab

· Wanton

· Unpredictable

• This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by  James Bodley.

[James Bodley]

James Bodley Puts Essence to Work

What I learned is that although the Essence may have been expressed in the scene, it may not have received its full Expression. Small visual details or changes in dialogue may enhance what had originally been missed.

Script I choose: R.A.G.E (current screenplay) This exercise is difficult with this script since it’s fully designed around a core Essence: “Haves v have nots, privilege v under privilege, rich v poor, working class v middle-class, etc.” So while some missed details are being discovered, there doesn’t seem to be anything major.

Scene 1 Location: Protest group meeting in garage of affluent suburban house.

Logline: Curly, released after a 3 month sentence for graffiti on a Rolls Royce, learns that his Gran was hounded to death by payday loan companies. Now free, Curly begins a revenge campaign and his first stunt goes viral. At a protest group meeting, hoping to meet kindred spirits, Curly storms out to found his own direct action group – R.A.G.E

Essence I’ve discovered: a couple of visual and dialogue tweaks to further enhance class differences between Curly and protest group members.

New logline: Logline remains the same.

Scene 2 Location: MOBILITY SCOOTER DEALERSHIP

Logline: As Gran hobbles from the supermarket with her shopping and her cane, she eyes the price tags of mobility scooters at a dealership.

Essence I’ve discovered: The theme of payday loan though implied needs actual expression.

New Logline: As Gran hobbles from the supermarket with her shopping and cane, she eyes the price tags of mobility scooters at a dealership, a salesman suggests she takes out a loan.

Scene 3 Location: TV STUDIO

Logline: During a TV show debating the Role of Business in Society, the antagonist a multi-millionaire payday loan shark CEO is interviewed second.

Essence I’ve discovered: The first interviewee was padding and has been removed.

New Logline: During a TV debate on the Role of Business in Society, first interviewee, the antagonist multi-millionaire payday loan shark CEO, gives his views.

Scene 4 Location: HIKING IN WALES

Logline: Curly and RAGE’s lawyer hike in Wales to where the payday loan shark CEO has a sumptuous house. Curly enraged by the conspicuous consumption stalks off in anger. The lawyer tells Curly’s friend Jenny, that Curly could be a leader if only he learned to use his anger.

Essence I’ve discovered: The lawyer’s dialogue was too long, too on the nose and wandered off the Essence point. Dialogue has been cut by half.

New Logline: Logline remains the same.

Scene 5 Location: ?

Logline:

Essence I’ve discovered:

New Logline:

[James Bodley]

James Bodley

I agree to the terms of this release form.

[James Bodley]

James Bodley Finds the Essence

What I learned is that Essence can be all to easily hidden by its Expression. And that often when writing the Expression part comes to us without having fully grasped the Essence leading us to miss the point or wander from it.

Script I choose: ERIN BROCKOVITCH by Susannah Grant

Scene 1

INT. DR. JAFFE’S OFFICE – DAY

Logline: A successful doctor interviews Erin who has no actual medical training. She tries to impress him but is a single mother with a mixed bag of irrelevant past experience and from a social class whose ideas of beauty are far from subtle.

Essence: Erin’s a working class fish gasping out of middle-class water. Though desperate for work, her dress, speech and experience all work against her.

Scene 2

INT. DRUGSTORE – AT THE REGISTER – DAY

Logline: Erin filches a bottle from a shelf then sweet talks the check-out lady, saying she meant to buy baby cough medicine, but when she got home, she saw she’d bought adult stuff by mistake. She can’t find the receipt, but could she maybe exchange it anyway…

Essence: Erin is on the breadline, bold, bright and prepared to do whatever it takes. Beggars can’t be choosers, so this mother of three is prepared to bend a few rules…

Scene 3

EXT. ERIN’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Erin has just got her kids off to sleep. Motorcycles are parked next door and one biker is revving his engine. Erin confronts him, tells him to shut the fuck up. He tries to date her but she sarcastically puts him down, lets him know she’s broke with three kids.

Essence: Erin takes crap from no-one. She’s more than able to fend for herself.

Scene 4

INT. ERIN’S HOUSE – EARLY EVENING

Erin panics when she can’t find her kids. She hears them laughing, outside and finds them with her biker neighbor, eating hamburgers. He tells her something happened with the child minder so he took them. Erin warns him – this is not going to get him laid…

Essence: Hard knocks have taught her that people have ulterior motives. She’s not scared of calling a spade a spade.

Scene 5

INT. THE IRVINGS’ HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – DAY

Logline: Erin goes to Hinkley where her down to earth manner works well with impoverished residents there. She digs to find out why PG&E would want to buy properties and pay for medical examinations – and first learns of a possible link with chromium in the groundwater.

Essence: Life has made her aware of ulterior motives and manipulation. Tenacious and not content to take things at face value she seeks an opinion on the consequence of chromium in groundwater.

KEY SCENE (The opening scene of ERIN BROCKOVITCH

INT. DR. JAFFE’S OFFICE – DAY

A successful-looking doctor sits behind a desk in a well- appointed office. He’s looking at someone off-camera.

DR. JAFFE

Uh, but you have no actual medical training?

ERIN

(off)

No. I have kids. Learned a lot right there. I’ve seen nurses give my son a throat culture. I mean what is it – you stick a giant Q-tip down their throat and wait. Or a urine analysis, with that dipstick that tells you whether or not the white count is high…

DR. JAFFE

Yes, I understand.

ERIN

(off)

And, I mean, I’m great with people. Of course, you’d have to observe me to know for sure, but trust me on that one. I’m extremely fast learner. I mean, you show me what to do in a lab once, and I’ve got it down.

He nods. Now we see who he is talking to: ERIN BROCKOVICH. How to describe her? A beauty queen would come to mind – which, in fact, she was. Tall in a mini skirt, legs crossed, tight top, beautiful – but clearly from a social class and geographic orientation whose standards for displaying beauty are not based on subtlety.

ERIN

…for instance, at one point I wanted to be an engineer, so I was working at Fleuer Engineers and Constructors in Irvine. I fell madly in love with geology.

DR. JAFFE

Geology?

ERIN

I learned how to read maps. I love maps. Did you know our present system for map- making dates back to the ancient Greeks in like the third century B.C.?

DR. JAFFE

No.

ERIN

Anyway, I was at the company and – this is interesting, actually – I helped Ramish Ginatra design, as an assistant, part of the Alaskan pipeline…

DR. JAFFE

Uh-huh.

ERIN

..But I lost that job because my son came down with the Chicken Pox and 104 temperature and my ex-husband was useless, so..ya know…But what I want to tell you is I, uh .. I had always wanted to go to medical school. That was my first interest really…but then I, you know, got married..had a kid too young and..that kind of blew it for me..

Jaffe stares at her.

DR. JAFFE

Uh-huh.

ERIN

(beat, looks around) This is a really nice office.

Jaffe looks down at her resume, trying to figure a polite route.

DR. JAFFE

Thanks. (looks up at her) Look….

Beat. By Erin’s expression, she knows what’s coming.

WHY THE KEY SCENE IS PROFOUND:

The opening scene sets up the vast financial and cultural disparity between Erin, single mother of three on the breadline, and a successful medical practitioner who could hire her but doesn’t. It is also no coincidence that in the very next sequence Erin’s clunker Hyundai is smashed into by another reckless doctor barrelling around a corner in a Jaguar.

This echo continues throughout the screenplay via the financial and cultural difference between the working class residents of Hinkley (who Erin understands) and the PG&E corporation lawyers trying to deny responsibility for the contamination of the groundwater.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by  James Bodley.