[James Hernandez]

James Elevated Dialogue

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…the depths of the characters through their voices are being revealed with the options generated in this exercise. The result is quality subtext through dialogue creating more meaningful interactions among the characters. Also, the leads’ personalities are developing, making it easier to get into character with them.

17 lines rewritten for Ethan – male lead character
3 examples:
“Happy New Year’s to you, too.” – Page 1
“I’m calculating my odds for success as you know.”

“Where’s this going?” – Page 19
“Sounds like you’re having fun figuring me out.”

“What?” – Page 55
“My sexuality is being coerced from the depths of me.”

8 lines rewritten for Lily – female lead character
3 examples:
“We’ll see.” – Page 27
“He’ll have to tango alone.”

“What?!” – Page 50
“I’ll give you a stipend so you can go find yourself.”

“And?” – Page 83
“Be careful of spyware. Your face could be misused.”

• This reply was modified 10 months, 1 week ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James Elevated Interest

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…that the story is evolving as changes arise making it more cohesive with the necessary beats. The script is developing more depth through the characters in their journeys and relationships. The structure will improve as well by giving it more substance.

Scene 1 (Opening): – Added mystery to show the unexpected loves in the protagonist’s life. – Added a prediction made by the hero to show his dire situation.

Scene 5 (Inciting Incident): – Included a hook to make Joey more mysterious in the hero’s life. I’ll have Joey present more surprises in the scene to enliven it.

Scene 11 (Act 1 Turning Point): – The antagonist makes predictions on how he’s going to handle the hero going forward. – The antagonist gives the hero a dilemma forcing him to think carefully on how to proceed with the love interest. – Added more intrigue to the antagonist as his intentions are dubious, but menacing.

Scene 23 (Midpoint): – Make the situation a more uncomfortable moment for all three characters mainly for comedic effect. – Perhaps Joey’s character changes radically in terms of comedic conflict making everyone uncomfortable.

Scene 33 (Act 2 Turning Point): – Added a confrontation between Lily and Ethan due to a misinterpretation of realities. – Ethan and Lily can be put in a more interesting setting that would have their conflict out in public causing more humiliation.

Scene 38 (Climax): – Added hope/fear to show the uncertainty with Ethan’s plan. – A dilemma could be given to Joey showing her mental anguish. This scenario creates a future in the story for all the characters.

Scene 39 (Resolution): – Perhaps Ethan and Lily make predictions about their relationship’s hopeful future. – A hook is presented that takes us to the final scene’s finale.

• This reply was modified 10 months, 1 week ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James’ Elevated Emotion!

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…the preparatory and designing work I did includes many emotions in a good number of scenes. There’s also comedic escalation in numerous scenes which serves a romantic comedy well.

• Scene 13N Essence: To show Ethan’s protective nature for Lily.
• How Intensified: raising the stakes by showing how far Ethan will go to protect Lily. Ethan seeks the help of his friend to find out more about Max. Perhaps Albert is a former secret service agent with connections.

• Scene 13N Essence: To show Ethan’s protective nature for Lily.
• Version A: Experiencing distress: Ethan’s getting so stressed out that he’s losing focus. He starts to believe he’s on a sacred mission to do good in Lily’s life.
• Version B: Triggers a wound: Ethan doesn’t want Lily to get hurt by Max; Ethan’s past hurt comes out.
• Version C: Doing the right thing is the wrong thing: Ethan knows he shouldn’t meddle in Lily’s life so soon, but he’s compelled to protect her.

• Scene 15 Essence: To show Lily wants to be close to Ethan.
• How Intensified: Add more hope and/or fear; Lily weighs the chances she may lose Ethan because of him not being what she hoped.

• Scene 15 Essence: To show Lily wants to be close to Ethan.
• Version A: Expectations not met: Lily expects much from Ethan who may not be able to deliver.
• Version B: Triggers a wound: The elderly woman in the scene jars Lily’s conscience about her unpleasant childhood.
• Version C: Sacrifice: Lily realizes she must sacrifice her comfort zone to gain the love of her life in Ethan.

• Scene 17 Essence: To show the bind Ethan is in with two women.
• How Intensified: Raise the stakes: This may be the last time Ethan has an opportunity to meet a woman like Lily.

• Scene 17 Essence: To show the bind Ethan is in with two women.
• Version A: Dilemma: One woman will get hurt no matter what Ethan does.
• Version B: Redemption: Ethan has a chance to redeem his life at the possibility of hurting someone.
• Version C: Forced to do something they hate/opposes their values: Ethan hates causing grief in people’s lives, but has to follow his heart.

• Scene 19 Essence: To show Ethan and Lily make a good couple.
• How Intensified: Multiply the impact on others: Ethan and Lily worry how their families will handle their relationship.

• Scene 19 Essence: To show Ethan and Lily make a good couple.
• Version A: Sacrifice: Both Ethan and Lily must give up their comfort zones which offer security.
• Version B: Needs, Values, and Goals fulfilled: Ethan and Lily complete each other in terms of fulfilling their lives finally with joy.
• Version C: Struggle: Ethan and Lily find it difficult to commit.

• Scene 34 Essence: To show Ethan will fight for Lily.
• How Intensified: Make it more painful: Ethan will be devastated if he loses Lily.

• Scene 34 Essence: To show Ethan will fight for Lily.
• Version A: Experiencing Distress: Perhaps Ethan develops hives at the thought of losing Lily.
• Version B: Forced to do something they hate/opposes their values: Ethan does not like
imposing his will on people and fears Lily will shun him away.
• Version C: Needs, Values, and Goals fulfilled: Lily has the same values as Ethan; they complement each other.

• This reply was modified 10 months, 1 week ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James’ Dramatic Reveals!

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…that I did a decent job with the preliminary assignments as the demands for the reveals were setup properly and dramatically executed. There’s always room for improvement so I’ll have to assess how my story can be further developed to accommodate any new potential changes.

Reveals:
a) Joey is actually separated looking for a father for her five kids.
Demand: Joey is desperate for a father figure for her kids and finds Ethan who turns out to be the perfect suitor.
Revealed dramatically in an argument between Joey and Lupe who is the mother of the kids’ father.

b) Ethan has an apprehensive nature before entering relationships.
Demand: Ethan tests out the waters with various women to make sure he settles with the right one.
Revealed dramatically when Ethan goes on numerous dates with eccentric women.

c) Max is an internet troll on a smear campaign against Ethan.
Demand: Max feels betrayed by Lily due to Ethan entering her life.
Revealed dramatically as Max strategizes in his den on a quest to ruin Ethan.

d) Lily is a gifted artist.
Demand: Lily invites Ethan to her home to further their connection.
Revealed dramatically as Ethan and Lily showcase their immediate chemistry.

e) Lily is very competitive.
Demand: Lily wants to make sure Ethan is who he appears to be.
Revealed dramatically as Lily proposes a pottery making competition to see who completes a better creation.

f) Joey is a con woman.
Demand: Joey wants to ingratiate herself in Ethan’s life by cooking dinner and then seducing him.
Revealed dramatically as Joey sexually exposes herself to gain his affection.

g) Ethan was shuffled from one foster family to the next as a child; abandoned at birth.
Demand: Ethan wants to clear the air between him and Lily after his previous night’s transgression.

h) Lily has one of Ethan’s past letters.
Demand: Ethan and Lily attempt to rectify his previous night’s transgression.
Revealed dramatically as their pasts come out in a deep discussion.

i) Ethan has been anonymously funding scholarships for foster children.
Demand: Lily gives Ethan the key to her studio as he makes his own goodwill donation to foster children.
Revealed dramatically as Ethan and Lily bond deepening their relationship.

j) Lily’s guarded nature stems from a deep-seated fear of rejection that goes beyond her father’s abandonment.
Demand: Ethan seeks out Lily to apologize for breaking the trust they had in one another.
Revealed dramatically as both Ethan and Lily share similar childhood traumas.

• This reply was modified 10 months, 1 week ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James Loves Character Depth

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…that my antagonist needs more development. At present, he has only seven major beats leaving room for the creation of more scenes which will add page count and provide more substance in the story. Using the depth tools, I discovered his wound which was caused by being neglected as a child; the protagonist’s pursuit of the love interest triggers this wound.

Depth Tool 1 – Beats for antagonist Max Winger:
1. Max is introduced as a creepy ex-boyfriend who lingers and doesn’t want to let Lily live her life in peace.
2. Max shows up at Lily’s apartment unannounced. He threatens Ethan with empty promises of violence.
3. Max threatens Lily by having a compromising photo of them go viral on the internet. Ultimately, Lily shoves him out the door not heeding the consequences.
4. In his den, Max conspires against Ethan with the intent to ruin him.
5. Max confronts Ethan outside his home. More threats are made as Ethan stands firm with his intent to pursue Lily.
6. Dressed in drag, Max is followed by Ethan to an underground club. This is something Max believes no one knows about.
7. Max is setup by Ethan to show up near a downtown portal to be publicly humiliated causing him to never contact Lily again.

Depth Tool 2 – What is Max hiding from us?
Max wants to secretly become the most visible drag queen on the internet; maintaining his identity private.
• This implies Max is using Lily to serve as his cover in the open world.
• This forces Ethan to investigate Max and bring to light his real persona.

Depth Tool 3 – How can this story trigger Max?
Max does not want to lose Lily to Ethan because he wants his life to appear normal in the eyes of all in his life.
• Ethan is the threat.
• Max’s intent brought to the open ruins his plans.
• Max has a wound of being neglected as a child.
• Max fears he will never reach his goal.

• This reply was modified 10 months, 1 week ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James Solved Scene Problems!

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is… that my protagonist is alone in many scenes. Given the “nature” of the story where he finds himself constantly evaluating his life, these scenes are necessary and required to fulfill his arc; his transformational journey. What makes them interesting is the comedy found within which serves the genre and is, at least for the moment, obligatory in the script. The conflict in these alone scenes stems from the antagonist’s actions doing mischief against the protagonist even though they are not in the same space.

The love interest also has a number of alone moments which is by design in this romantic comedy about two who seem to have nothing in common, but share very similar upbringings, tastes, and hobbies.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 1 week ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James is Cliché Busting!

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…that selecting a new version for a cliché may require a more expensive shoot. The purpose might be the same, but a non-cliché scene could require more financing. Then the film’s overall budget comes into focus as select creativity would allow for the solution to do away with the cliché.

Cliché: Ethan and Joey on a park bench feeding pigeons in a bonding moment.
New Version: Ethan and Joey bond sharing an ice cream pop at the top of the Empire State Building.

Cliché: Ethan and Joey have lunch on a park bench feeding pigeons furthering their relationship.
New Version: Ethan and Joey further their relationship at a spy museum in NYC.

Cliché: Ethan and Lily have a romantic moment in her apartment.
New Version: Ethan and Lily find romance in a bookstore. This could still be cliché unless a twist of some sort serving the story is created.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 2 weeks ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James Solved Character Problems!

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…that my characters are not taking meaningful actions when needed. I will have to add obstacles in many scenes to make them more impactful to the story. Even simple chores can add meaning by expressing their present mental state. Also, I discovered that some of the actions my characters took did reflect their personalities; their own unique ways of showing their character profiles. There will be moments that trigger individual traits through action.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 2 weeks ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James’ Structure Solutions!

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…that my first act was weak primarily because the antagonist was not present. This caused the act to be devoid of much conflict needed in the story. Without the launch containing conflict, the opposing forces never really took shape. My protagonist was going through the motions, but never battling or overcoming a human obstacle that stood in his way towards the goal.

List of changes:
1. Introduced the antagonist early in the story; in Act 1.
2. Made Act 1 turning point stronger.
3. Added more scenes to the script that included antagonistic forces.
4. These changes transformed other scenes in the script.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 4 weeks ago by  James Hernandez.
• This reply was modified 11 months, 4 weeks ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James Has Finished Act 4!

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…that I’m a faster writer now. I still have the tendency to go on small tangents with nuances and story details. Then it’s just a matter of stopping myself or writing down a quick note to be used at a later time. But finishing the first draft feels awesome, as I equate it to completing a marathon. At the beginning you don’t see the finish line, but as you keep chugging along it gets more and more doable and suddenly you set yourself up for the final sprint. The gut check, done!

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James Continue Act 4

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…that even though I wrote a fast draft much of poignancy in the story flowed through onto the pages. This would be a fairly good place to start a revision. A solid 30% draft to begin with may become a strong second draft.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James Started Act 4

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…that my story has a different tone now given the protagonist and antagonist are headed to the showdown of sorts. The high speed rules force me to think fast about the scene which translates into writing it quickly. I still have new ideas popping up as write that may or may not serve the story.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James Finishing Act 3

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…that writing fast allowed me to get to know my characters better. It may be because I’m not criticizing my work and just allowing them to live on their own. This caused a slight tone shift given I’m at the climax and the end of Act 3. The romantic aspect of the story is taking over the mood. But finishing Act 3 feels good once again.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James Continuing Act 3

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…that working with a timer helped, but I found myself going over the ten minutes. Time really does fly, especially when you’re having fun. I noticed I completed scenes in about 15 minutes, which is faster than what I was used to. I find myself trying to add details, then I quickly realize this is a 30% draft.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James Began Act 3

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…that my protagonist is really in a pickle with his love life. He must recover from the error of his ways. I’m still letting go of my perfectionist thinking, but my writing is getting faster. However, that self-criticizing voice lingers.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James Completed Act 2

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…that I may have introduced a key character late. This is primarily the antagonist character where he perhaps should have been introduced earlier in the story. Yet, trusting the high-speed rules helped me notice this absence in the script; but considering this is a 30% draft, I’ll have the opportunity to correct this aspect of the screenplay in subsequent revisions. And I must say it feels good to have finished Act 2.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James Continuing Act 2

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…that I found myself getting accustomed to writing faster, which probably means I’m becoming less of a perfectionist. I don’t know if I’ll return to my old ways, but for now writing “crap” gives me a sense of accomplishment. And when I read back what I wrote, it’s really not that “crappy.”

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  James Hernandez.
• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James Began Act 2

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…that writing any “crap” is better than nothing. But writing “workable crap” is better by which there would be something solid to work with that could turn “crap” into a decent writing session.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James Finished Act 1

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…I’m getting to know my characters better. This led to finishing Act 1 using my outline as a guide. I did find myself wanting to go off on tangents in terms of character and plot details. I stopped myself knowing this process takes time to fully adapt to.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James’ Next Act 1 Scenes

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…if I force myself to write quickly following the outline I tend to think about the details of the story. This can be problematic because it slows me down and veers me into a sort of perfectionist mode. But if I remind myself in the moment that I’ll be rewriting the script through many drafts then I’m reassured any concerns will be addressed.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James’ Act 1 First Draft Part 1

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…that the best thing I can do for my writing is to just go freestyle on my script. Along without being in perfectionist mode, I was able to write four solid pages in under an hour. I can’t remember ever achieving writing four quality pages that fast. Yes, I have a well thought and developed outline, but speed allowed me to have the characters talk to me which informed much of the dialogue. The key is letting go of perfectionist thinking (as we were advised to do) and let brave writing lead me where the story wants to go and then follow it.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James’ High Speed Writing Rules

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…with the high-speed rules I found myself not second guessing myself. With the outline, I wrote the scene with no pauses and was pleased with the result. This script will ultimately change with the upcoming modules focusing on specific elements, yet the current version is a strong one.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James’ First Scene

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…the outline allowed me to anticipate the different inclusions for later scenes. These include the specific character and plot details.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

Hello, my fellow cinematic literary engineers,
Would anyone like to exchange outlines?
Title: My Valentine's Day Algorithm
Written By: James A. Hernandez
Email address: jamester627@hotmail.com
Genre: Romantic Comedy
Concept: An aging bachelor starts to fall for the computer genius who’s hired to help him find his love match through an algorithm by Valentine’s Day.
I'm in the U.S. eastern time zone if anyone is concerned about time difference.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James’ Fascinating Scene Outlines!

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…I have some scenes that are very interesting and some that are borderline boring with not much going on. Yet this process of applying interest techniques to scenes is a great tool to not only finding less than exciting scenes, but to elevate all of them. Also, apparently ChatGPT wants me to get the paid version because the prompt’s answer for the assignment was the same one I provided the AI.

Act 1:
1. INT. OFFICE RECREATION ROOM – NIGHT
Ethan uneasily waits for his New Year’s date who never shows up.
Scene Arc: Ethan’s expectations go from hopeful to disappointment.
Essence: To show Ethan’s unsuccessful adventures with women.
Conflict: Ethan ignores the snarky commentary from his coworkers.
Subtext: Ethan hides his grief though being polite.
Hope/fear: We hope Ethan’s date arrives and fear that he’ll be stood up.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Ethan constantly looks around and checks his watch apparently waiting for someone.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Ethan watches an elderly coworker in a serious make out session with his date. Other coworkers shoot snarky remarks at Ethan pointing to the more successful elderly workmate.
Ending: (Betrayal) Ethan calls his supposed date and finds her having sex with someone else.

2. INT. ETHAN’S APARTMENT – DAY
Ethan’s close friend, Albert, visits and suggests an online dating site for renewed hope.
Scene Arc: Ethan goes from doubtful to consideration for the online dating suggestion.
Essence: To show Ethan still has the willingness to try out modern dating methods.
Conflict: Ethan shuns Albert’s ideas on finding love.
Subtext: Ethan knows he’s growing older and covers this concern with his wit.
Hope/fear: We hope Ethan’s open to new dating methods and fear he’ll never find anyone.
Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) Albert lays it out for Ethan that he’s getting older and must adapt with the times or lose out on love.
Middle: (Misinterpretation) Ethan incorrectly believes Albert is referring to his sexual organ not his dismal dateless streak.
Ending: (Surprise) Ethan shocks Albert by declaring he’ll complete online dating profiles this same night.

3. INT. ETHAN’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Ethan signs up with a membership to an online dating site.
Scene Arc: Ethan goes from unenthusiastic to excited about the online possibilities.
Essence: To show there may be love for Ethan in the future.
Conflict: Ethan goes through internal mental anguish as he searches online.
Subtext: Ethan laughs at his present single status covering his loneliness.
Hope/fear: We hope Ethan finds love and fear he may be wasting his time.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Ethan surfs the online dating sites and is appalled at the bizarre imagery.
Middle: (Uncertainty) At times it looks like Ethan has found a decent website, but is quickly disillusioned by more strange graphics.
Ending: (Mislead/Reveal) It appears as though Ethan is going to give up on his quest and at the last moment fills out a website profile.

4. INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Ethan gets several requests to meet from an interesting array of women.
Scene Arc: Ethan goes from a casual evening to being overwhelmed by women propositions.
Essence: To show Ethan has many decisions to make with regards to his love life.
Conflict: Feeling overwhelmed, Ethan politely dismisses the women suitors.
Subtext: Ethan hides his insecurity through witty messages.
Hope/fear: We hope Ethan will choose one of the women and fear he’ll ruin his chances at love.
Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) Ethan doesn’t know which woman to choose as there are dozens of love requests.
Middle: (Suspense) Ethan peruses all the requests and we wait for his decision.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) Ethan makes a decision but we don’t know what it is.

5. INT. ETHAN’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Ethan meets his tech genius, Joey, and they embark on the dating adventures of a lifetime.
Scene Arc: Ethan goes from having his reservations to accepting Joey’s ideas for his profile.
Essence: To show Ethan and Joey’s differences leading to a bonding moment.
Conflict: Ethan and Joey spar about how best to approach women.
Subtext: Ethan and Joey divulge very little about their pasts through evasion.
Hope/fear: We hope Ethan is successful and fear his attitude will leave him single.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Ethan and Joey intentionally avoid discussing their pasts with one another.
Middle: (Uncertainty) Ethan and Joey go back and forth on how to best portray his persona online.
Ending: (Character changes radically) Ethan in a surprise move accepts Joey’s recommendations for his online profiles.

6. MONTAGE OF SHORT DATING SCENES
Comedy: Ethan goes on multiple dates and meets women who are eccentric and some who are downright bizarre. Character action: Ethan offers awkward complements to hide his disillusionment with the dates. He offers chuckles as the women describe themselves.

7. INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Ethan meets Lily and subtle sparks fly as they appear to hide an aspect of their lives.
Scene Arc: From awkwardness to mutual fun.
Essence: To show Ethan and Lily can have a future.
Conflict: Lily doesn’t want to talk about her childhood.
Subtext: They politely hide aspects of their lives.
Hope/fear: We fear they may not be compatible and hope there is a chance.
Beginning: (Mystery) Ethan and Lily don’t know each other and come across as withholding aspects of their lives.
Middle: (Suspense) We wonder if Ethan and Lily will connect on this first meeting.
Ending: (Surprise) Before they depart for the evening, Lily surprises Ethan with a detail from his life which leaves him pondering.

8. INT. LILY’S APARTMENT – LATER
Lily takes out a letter left by Ethan and reads it again.
Scene Arc: From a mysterious Lily to a thoughtful woman.
Essence: To show that Lily has known about Ethan.
Conflict: Does not let Ethan know the truth about her.
Subtext: What is Lily keeping secret?
Hope/fear: We fear Lily may never see Ethan again and hope they reunite at some point.
Beginning: (Superior Position) We now know that Lily has known about Ethan but he’s unaware of this.
Middle: (Intrigue) How and when did Lily gain possession of Ethan’s letter?
Ending: (Cliffhanger) How will Lily proceed with Ethan’s relationship?

9. INT. ETHAN’S APARTMENT – DAY
Ethan feels most of his dates were unsuccessful but believes he may have a future with Lily.
Scene Arc: From Ethan feeling like a failure to believing in a relationship with Lily.
Essence: To show Ethan made a connection with Lily.
Conflict: Ethan and Joey spar over her work which he deems as unsuccessful.
Subtext: Ethan doesn’t want Joey to know how much he wants to follow up with Lily.
Hope/fear: We fear Ethan will remain single and hope Lily can stay in his life.
Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) Ethan has to decide to either follow up with Lily or keep going on more dates.
Middle: (Uncertainty) It appears Ethan may not follow up with anyone leaving us hoping and fearing. (Misinterpretation) Joey believes his dilemma may stem from him being possibly gay.
Ending: (Mislead/Reveal) We also believe Ethan may be gay but he declares another meeting with Lily.

10. INT. LILY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Lily invites Ethan to her home and proposes a creative competition.
Scene Arc: From Lily’s dubious intent to her wanting to get closer to Ethan.
Essence: To show Lily wants to get closer to Ethan.
Conflict: Ethan questions how Lily knows about him but she doesn’t reveal anything.
Subtext: Lily covertly wants to know Ethan’s authenticity.
Hope/fear: We hope Ethan and Lily make a connection and fear his suspicion will ruin them.
Beginning: (Intrigue) How does Lily know so much about Ethan?
Middle: (Uncertainty) It appears Ethan and Lily will not make a connection.
Ending: (Major twist) Lily stuns Ethan by inviting him to her apartment.

11. INT. LILY’S APARTMENT – DAY
Lily shows Ethan her art studio with many works in progress.
Scene Arc: From Ethan’s suspicions to a connection being made with Lily.
Essence: To show Ethan and Lily can have a relationship.
Conflict: Ethan expresses his suspicions as Lily remains mum.
Subtext: Lily is slowing bringing Ethan into her life.
Hope/fear: We hope a relationship can flourish and fear suspicions will derail Ethan and Lily.
Beginning: (Mystery) How did a knowledgeable Lily enter Ethan’s life?
Middle: (Superior Position) We know that Lily is possibly testing Ethan’s authenticity.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) It appears that Ethan and Lily are going to kiss, but at the last moment they freeze.

Act 2:
12. EXT. PARK – DAY
Ethan meets with Joey to have his profile suspended as he wants to pursue Lily only.
Scene Arc: From Ethan weighing his dating options to choosing Lily.
Essence: To show how optimistic Ethan is about Lily.
Conflict: Ethan and Joey spar about keeping her as a love assistant.
Subtext: Joey wants to stay close to Ethan thus her insistence.
Hope/fear: We fear Ethan and Joey will stop working together and hope he’s successful.
Beginning: (External Dilemma) Ethan realizes whatever choice he makes about love could bring pain to his life.
Middle: (Misinterpretation) Joey incorrectly views Ethan as indecisive and perceives an opportunity.
Ending: (Character changes radically) Joey declares herself as Ethan’s love assistant, which keeps him close to her as he plans to pursue Lily.

13. INT. JOEY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Joey finds out that her children’s father who’s on trial may not be acquitted from felony charges.
Scene Arc: From Joey having a pleasant evening to finding out pessimistic news.
Essence: To show Joey’s dire life/family situation.
Conflict: Joey battles with her mother in law over the future of the family.
Subtext: Joey evades questions on how she will provide for the family.
Hope/fear: We hope Joey can save her family and fear she will fall on desperate times.
Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) Joey weighs whether to maintain a relationship with the felon who is the father of her children or find someone new.
Middle: (Major twist) Joey will use Ethan in his quest for love to make him hers.
Ending: (Superior Position) We know that Joey has a scheme to win over Ethan and have him to hopefully be the father figure for her kids.

14. INT. ETHAN’S APARTMENT – DAY
Joey begins to swoon Ethan to ingratiate herself in his life.
Scene Arc: From Ethan and Joey being work cohorts to reliable friends.
Essence: To show Joey immersing herself into Ethan’s life.
Conflict: Ethan wants her as a work partner but Joey wants friendship.
Subtext: Joey hides her ulterior motive from Ethan.
Hope/fear: We hope Ethan and Joey can get along and fear they will end their partnership.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Joey dresses and combs Ethan’s hair making him look spiffy for Lily and herself.
Middle: (Suspense) Will Joey’s underhanded actions work in bringing Ethan and her closer?
Ending: (Surprise) Joey gives Ethan a makeover. (Character changes radically) Joey becomes Ethan’s reliable friend.

15. INT. COFFEE SHOP – NIGHT
Lily writes letters to Ethan mirroring his form of communication and deepening their connection.
Scene Arc: From Lily’s consternation to her love seeking plan.
Essence: To show Lily wants to get serious with Ethan.
Conflict: Lily’s mental debate forces her to evaluate her life.
Subtext: Ethan is unaware of Lily’s plan.
Hope/fear: We hope Lily is successful with her plan and fear she may not connect with Ethan.
Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) Lily debates whether to write Ethan a letter knowing he may never be the love of her life.
Middle: (Misinterpretation) Lily’s friend incorrectly believes Ethan is a psychologist who is looking for love.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) Lily embarks on her own love search. How will it turn out?

16. EXT. PARK – DAY
Joey expresses deep feelings for Ethan causing the potential for a love triangle.
Scene Arc: From Ethan and Joey being friends to a deeper relationship.
Essence: To show Ethan and Joey’s relationship deepening.
Conflict: Ethan wants Joey as a friend but she wants more of him.
Subtext: Joey’s ulterior motive is in motion with Ethan unaware.
Hope/fear: We fear Ethan may push Joey away and hope they stay friends.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Joey charms Ethan who becomes enamored by her advances.
Middle: (Uncertainty) We don’t know if Joey’s advances will be successful.
Ending: (Mislead/Reveal) It appears Ethan is losing interest, but at the last moment locks eyes with the loving Joey.

17. INT. ETHAN’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Ethan finds himself between the attraction of two women expressed to Albert.
Scene Arc: From Ethan having hope for a love life to the realization of a difficult predicament.
Essence: To show the bind Ethan is in with two women.
Conflict: Albert wants Ethan to just choose but he doesn’t know who to choose.
Subtext: Ethan has feelings for both women covered by his wit.
Hope/fear: We hope Ethan makes the right decision and fear he will hurt one of the women.
Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) Ethan has two women he has recently grown close to.
Middle: (More Interesting Setting) Ethan is with Albert having this discussion in a card shop.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) Ethan realizes he’s in a predicament. What will he decide?

18. INT. JOEY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Joey sets a plan into motion to make Ethan hers.
Scene Arc: From a casual conversation to a woman on a mission.
Essence: To show the degree Joey will go through to make Ethan hers.
Conflict: Joey spars with her mother in law over leaving Ethan alone.
Subtext: Joey hides her mission from Ethan.
Hope/fear: We hope there’s an appropriate resolution and fear someone will get hurt.
Beginning: (Superior Position) We know that Ethan is the target of a woman in dire straits and he’s totally in the dark.
Middle: (Character changes radically) Joey becomes more obsessed with Ethan.
Ending: (Major twist) Joey declares her plan to make Ethan her lover and future father of her children.

19. EXT. MUSEUM – DAY
Ethan goes on an all-day date with Lily who correctly “guesses” many details of his life.
Scene Arc: From a friendly date to a deepened relationship.
Essence: To show Ethan and Lily make a good couple.
Conflict: Ethan spars with Lily as to how she knows so much about him.
Subtext: Lily’s plan to test Ethan’s authenticity is underway.
Hope/fear: We hope Ethan and Lily further their relationship and fear her plan may backfire.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Lily is testing Ethan’s persona through what she knows about him.
Middle: (Suspense) We wonder how Lily’s test on Ethan will pan out.
Ending: (Mislead/Reveal) It appears Ethan and Lily will part ways, but at the last moment have their first kiss.

20. INT. LILY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Ethan and Lily exchange letters as they both stay reserved about their pasts.
Scene Arc: From a casual evening to a bonding moment with the exchange of letters.
Essence: To show Ethan and Lily have a good chance of ending up together.
Conflict: Ethan and Lily avoid chatting about their pasts.
Subtext: Ethan and Lily avoid their pasts diplomatically.
Hope/fear: We fear the lack of communication will stifle them and hope they will open up.
Beginning: (Suspense) We wonder if Ethan and Lily will exchange letters.
Middle: (Uncertainty) We hope Ethan and Lily will share their letters but it appears unlikely.
Ending: (Surprise) Lily at the last moment whips out the letter followed by Ethan taking out his letter. They engage in a heated make out session.

21. INT. LILY’S APARTMENT – DAY
Lily is confronted by her ex Max but tells him to get lost as she chooses Ethan.
Scene Arc: From Lily being put on the spot to her choosing Ethan.
Essence: To show the affection Lily has for Ethan.
Conflict: Lily and Max spar over their nonexistent relationship.
Subtext: Lily hides her deep connection with Ethan from Max.
Hope/fear: We hope Lily finds true love in Ethan and fear Max may make her life impossible.
Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) Lily must decide between Ethan and Max for her well-being.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Max shows Lily compromising photos of them both.
Ending: (Mislead/Reveal) It appears Lily is going to give in to Max, but shocks us by sending him away.

22. INT. MAX’S DEN – NIGHT
Max, a troll, launches a smear campaign against Ethan.
Scene Arc: From Max surfing the internet to him trolling Ethan.
Essence: To show Max will not give up on Lily.
Conflict: Max expresses his disdain for Ethan.
Subtext: Max targets Ethan anonymously.
Hope/fear: We hope Max is unsuccessful and fear Ethan’s relationship with Lily will get ruined.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Max looks at the sites where Ethan’s profiles live.
Middle: (Character changes radically) Max becomes determined to hold on to Lily at any cost.
Ending: (Major twist) Max declares a smear campaign against Ethan.

23. INT. ETHAN’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Lily catches Joey on top of Ethan in a heated moment.
Scene Arc: From a mild conversation to an intense position for three people.
Essence: To show the passionate triangle among Ethan, Joey, and Lily.
Conflict: Ethan faces scrutiny simultaneously from two women.
Subtext: Ethan uses wit to diffuse the situation.
Hope/fear: We hope Ethan can resolve the situation and fear he will lose both women.
Beginning: (Suspense) Joey gradually seduces Ethan who’s hesitant to give in.
Middle: (Surprise) Ethan gives in and Lily catches him and Joey in a heated compromising position. (Major Twist) Ethan, Lily and Joey now face new consequences in their relationships.
Ending: (External Dilemma) Ethan has to diffuse the situation and make critical decisions with regards to his love life.

Act 3:
24. INT. LILY’S APARTMENT – DAY
Ethan confronts Lily regarding their relationship as numerous revelations come out.
Scene Arc: From an argument to a mutual understanding.
Essence: To show Ethan and Lily’s pasts are similar.
Conflict: Ethan and Lily spar as to who has been more transparent.
Subtext: Ethan and Lily hide their deep-seated affection from one another.
Hope/fear: We hope Ethan and Lily reach an understanding and fear their relationship is over.
Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) Ethan and Lily must decide if they will keep pursuing each other after the compromising situation the prior night.
Middle: (Uncertainty) We are not sure if peace will be achieved given the revelations that come out.
Ending: (Surprise) The revelations have Ethan and Lily realize they have common histories.

25. EXT. ETHAN’S BUILDING – NIGHT
Max reveals himself as the mastermind behind Ethan's new viral profile.
Scene Arc: From a confrontation to threats being made.
Essence: To show Max’s determination to ruin Ethan’s chances with Lily.
Conflict: Ethan and Max argue over Lily’s heart.
Subtext: Ethan and Max hide their animosity through restraint.
Hope/fear: We hope Ethan and Max can work things out and fear a physical confrontation.
Beginning: (Suspense) We believe there’s an imminent fight about to occur.
Middle: (Mislead/Reveal) Max reveals he’s the mastermind behind Ethan’s chaos.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) We are left wondering how things will play out.

26. MONTAGE OF WOMEN PURSUING ETHAN
Comedy: Numerous women continue to pursue Ethan as he’s an online sensation. Character action: Ethan messages back the overexuberant women attempting to letting them down easy.

27. INT. ETHAN’S APARTMENT – DAY
Ethan doesn’t know how to handle the constant influx of women in his life.
Scene Arc: From Ethan’s confusion to a temporary fix for his women influx problem.
Essence: To show the constant influx of women into Ethan’s life.
Conflict: Ethan and Albert spar over how to handle the pursuing women.
Subtext: Ethan’s sanity is tested although he appears cheerful.
Hope/fear: We hope Ethan resolves his situation and fear he will wind up alone.
Beginning: (Misinterpretation) The women chasing Ethan believe he’s the biggest stud on the internet.
Middle: (External Dilemma) How will Ethan fix his persona problem without hurting the women chasing him?
Ending: (Character changes radically) Albert volunteers to handle the influx of women acting as a surrogate.

28. INT. LILY’S ART STUDIO – NIGHT
Lily faces her dilemma though her art.
Scene Arc: From a confused Lily to resolute decision.
Essence: To show Lily’s challenging dilemma.
Conflict: Lily battles her own thoughts.
Subtext: Lily handles her problems through her art.
Hope/fear: We hope Lily can find love with Ethan and fear their relationship can’t be mended.
Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) Lily has not fully forgiven Ethan and uses her art to cope.
Middle: (Uncertainty) We are unsure what Lily will decide.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) Lily takes out many letters some of which may have been written by Ethan and leaves us wondering what she plans on doing.

29. EXT. MUSEUM – DAY
Lily spends the day evaluating her life with Ethan at the spot where they shared a moment.
Scene Arc: From Lily’s loneliness to her feeling hopeful.
Essence: To show Lily truly wants to be in Ethan’s life.
Conflict: Lily continues to battle her conscience.
Subtext: Lily hides her turmoil through an appeasing smile.
Hope/fear: We hope Lily will find love and fear she may distance Ethan.
Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) Lily continues to struggle with her heart and wants to make the best decision.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Lily watches as a couple squeezes each other’s ass making her long for affection.
Ending: (Surprise) This moment gives Lily a sudden idea.

30. INT. COFFEE SHOP – NIGHT
Ethan writes Lily a letter from the heart to salvage things.
Scene Arc: From Ethan’s uncertainty to realizing Lily was meant for him.
Essence: To show Ethan’s quest to win over Lily.
Conflict: Ethan’s mental and internal battle.
Subtext: Ethan covers his despair through his letter writing.
Hope/fear: We hope Ethan will win Lily’s heart and fear he has lost her.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Max observes Ethan from a distance.
Middle: (Suspense) Will Ethan figure out the one haunting his life is Max?
Ending: (Surprise) Ethan always knew Max was following and catches him.

31. INT. JOEY’S APARTMENT – DAY
Joey continues to pursue Ethan as her children father’s trial nears the end.
Scene Arc: From Joey’s uncertainty about her family to being locked into pursuing Ethan.
Essence: To show the dire dilemma she faces.
Conflict: Joey dismisses her mother in law’s advice.
Subtext: Joey has grown enamored by Ethan even though she schemes against him.
Hope/fear: We hope Joey’s husband is declared not guilty and fear he’ll be found guilty.
Beginning: (Uncertainty) Joey’s husband’s trial is nearing the end but there’s no indication he’ll be declared not guilty.
Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Joey must decide between accepting her husband’s fate or pursue the recent romance with Ethan. Both could result in heartbreak.
Ending: (Intrigue) Joey indicates she will keep Ethan in her sights.

32. EXT. STREET – NIGHT
Ethan follows Max’s moves like an undercover detective trying to get filth.
Scene Arc: From following Max to finding out he is a transvestite.
Essence: To show how Ethan will expose Max to the world.
Conflict: Ethan follows Max runs into his underground crowd.
Subtext: In disguise, Ethan follows Max covertly.
Hope/fear: We hope Ethan’s new found dirt on Max works and fear it will not be enough.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Ethan follows Max to an underground club.
Middle: (Suspense) We know something of consequence will be discovered.
Ending: (Uncomfortable Moment) Ethan finds himself surrounded by drag queens including Max.

33. INT. LILY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Lily breaks away from Ethan due to his supposed new online sexually charged persona.
Scene Arc: From Lily feeling hopeful to witnessing Ethan’s online sexually charged persona.
Essence: To show Lily was willing to give Ethan another chance.
Conflict: Lily is disappointed at Ethan’s online persona.
Subtext: Ethan is unaware about Lily’s surveillance of him.
Hope/fear: We hope Lily can reunite with Ethan and fear his online persona nixed that notion.
Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) Lily finds Ethan in an adult website and gets soured by the images she sees.
Middle: (Misinterpretation) Lily incorrectly believes Ethan was the one who put his unflattering images on the website.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) How will Lily respond after witnessing Ethan’s online images?

34. INT. OFFICE – DAY
Ethan has trouble concentrating at work deliberating decisions with Albert.
Scene Arc: From Ethan having trouble concentrating to realizing he has to expose Max.
Essence: To show Ethan will fight for Lily.
Conflict: Ethan spars with Albert over letting go of Lily suggesting she’s not worth the effort.
Subtext: Ethan diplomatically hides the love he feels for Lily.
Hope/fear: We hope Ethan wins Lily’s heart and fear his plan will fail.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Ethan believes saving his relationship with Lily can be achieved by exposing Max’s nighttime rendezvous.
Middle: (Misinterpretation) Albert incorrectly believes Ethan has a desire to dress in drag to expose Max.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) How will Ethan proceed on his quest to save his relationship?

35. INT. ART GALLERY – NIGHT
Ethan appears at Lily’s art show and attempts a public apology.
Scene Arc: From Ethan’s trepidation to courage declaring his love.
Essence: To show how far Ethan will go to demonstrate his sincerity.
Conflict: Ethan has to maneuver his way into the art show.
Subtext: Ethan makes sure Lily doesn’t see him as prowls throughout the venue.
Hope/fear: We hope Ethan’s successful and fear he may look like a fool.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Ethan prowls throughout the venue trying to stay hidden from view.
Middle: (Suspense) We know Ethan will experience something of consequence.
Ending: (Uncomfortable Moment) Ethan awkwardly declares his public apology making Lily want to get away.

36. INT. JOEY’S APARTMENT – DAY
Joey is torn between her own feelings for Ethan and helping him reconcile with Lily.
Scene Arc: From Joey feeling torn to having her become decisive.
Essence: To show Joey’s immense mental anguish.
Conflict: Joey has to ease her thoughts and act rationally.
Subtext: Ethan is still in the dark with Joey’s scheme.
Hope/fear: We hope she helps Ethan and fear he’s already doomed.
Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) After witnessing Ethan’s attempt at apologizing, Joey is more convinced she needs to help him.
Middle: (Character changes radically) Joey abandons her scheme and wholeheartedly supports Ethan.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) How will Joey’s help play out with Ethan?

Act 4:
37. INT. ETHAN’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Joey informs Ethan, she will help him confront Max.
Scene Arc: From Ethan in despair to having a chance with Lily with Joey’s help.
Essence: To show Ethan and Lily will be a team.
Conflict: At first, Ethan doesn’t want Lily’s help but relents.
Subtext: Ethan has feelings for Joey even though his heart is with Lily.
Hope/fear: We hope Ethan and Lily are successful but fear their humiliation.
Beginning: (External Dilemma) Ethan ponders whether to attack Max or not.
Middle: (Major twist) Joey will help Ethan fight Max as a new set of consequences will emerge.
Ending: (Suspense) We wonder how successful Ethan and Joey will be against Max.

38. EXT. STREET – DAY
Ethan confronts and humiliates Max on a public event.
Scene Arc: From Ethan being undercover to Max’s public humiliation.
Essence: To show Max’s humiliation to the world and Lily.
Conflict: Max evades trying not to be outed by Ethan.
Subtext: Ethan prowls undercover to trap Max.
Hope/fear: We hope Ethan is successful and fear Max may get away.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Ethan tails Max and sets him up for humiliation.
Middle: (Suspense) Ethan and Joey wait for Max to appear in drag having him believe he’s there to meet up with a transvestite.
Ending: (Surprise) Max’s humiliation is screened through a portal for millions to witness.

39. INT. ETHAN’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Ethan deletes all his social media accounts with the press of a few buttons in front of Lily.
Scene Arc: From Lily in doubt to Ethan continual proof he cares for her.
Essence: To show Ethan’s devotion for Lily.
Conflict: Ethan and Lily spar with lingering apprehension.
Subtext: Ethan holds in his desire for a brief moment.
Hope/fear: We hope Lily will accept Ethan’s gesture and fear she will not.
Beginning: (Uncertainty) We are not sure if Lily will accept Ethan’s reconciliations gestures.
Middle: (Suspense) Lily’s decision holds us in doubt as Ethan deletes his online accounts.
Ending: (Character changes radically) Lily grabs Ethan’s face and plants a huge kiss on him.

40. EXT. AIRPORT – DAY
Joey reunites with the father of her children given he’s found not guilty.
Scene Arc: From dysfunction to a united family for Joey.
Essence: To show Joey’s love for the father of her children.
Conflict: Joey disregards his criminal record.
Subtext: Joey and her husband avoid the talking about the trial.
Hope/fear: We hope Joey’s family will stay united and fear any future crimes.
Beginning: (Uncertainty) We don’t know if Joey will accept her husband again.
Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Joey debates whether she should accept her husband again even though he was found not guilty.
Ending: (Mislead/Reveal) We believe Joey and her husband will never reconcile but at the last moment they embrace for the sake of their kids.

41. INT. LILY’S ART STUDIO – DAY
Lily symbolically gives Ethan a key to her studio.
Scene Arc: From some apprehension to symbolic love.
Essence: To show Lily’s strong feelings for Ethan.
Conflict: Ethan is at first surprised by the gesture.
Subtext: Both Ethan and Lily’s true desires stay suppressed for a few moments.
Hope/fear: We hope Ethan and Lily have found love and fear any relational threats.
Beginning: (Surprise) Lily gives Ethan the key to her studio which jolts him in a good way.
Middle: (Major twist) Ethan and Lily are essentially a couple now.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) How will Valentine’s Day be for Ethan? Has his goal been reached?

42. EXT. LOVE LOCATION – NIGHT
Ethan and Lily embark on a genuine relationship.
Scene Arc: From deep feelings to love.
Essence: To show Ethan and Lily’s love for one another.
Conflict: Ethan and Lily battle over who will kiss who first.
Subtext: Ethan and Lily start their love story where Ethan wrote his first letter.
Hope/fear: We hope Ethan and Lily have true love and minimally fear any difficulties.
Beginning: (Mystery) Where are Ethan and Lily spending their Valentine’s night?
Middle: (Mislead/Reveal) We find out Ethan and Lily have returned to the site where Lily first picked up Ethan’s letter.
Ending: (Intrigue) We are left speculating on Ethan and Lily’s future in a positive way.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James’ Scene Requirements

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…I have to develop the connecting scenes to fill in the gaps in my script. These scenes would add continuity and complete the subplots. I also need to diversify my locations because at the moment this draft is budget conscious which lowers the production cost.

Act 1:
Scene 1
Scene Number: 1
Slugline: INT. OFFICE RECREATION ROOM – NIGHT
Description: Ethan uneasily waits for his New Year’s date who never shows up.
Scene Requirements:
• Scene Arc: Ethan’s expectations go from hopeful to disappointed.
• Essence: To show Ethan’s unsuccessful adventures with women.
• Conflict: Ethan ignores the snarky commentary from his coworkers.
• Subtext: Ethan hides his grief though being polite.
• Hope/fear: We hope Ethan’s date arrives and fear that he’ll be stood up.
Scene 2
Scene Number: 2
Slugline: INT. ETHAN’S APARTMENT – DAY
Description: Ethan’s close friend, Albert, visits and suggests an online dating site for renewed hope.
Scene Requirements:
• Scene Arc: Ethan goes from doubtful to considering the online dating suggestion.
• Essence: To show Ethan still has the willingness to try out modern dating methods.
• Conflict: Ethan shuns Albert’s ideas on finding love.
• Subtext: Ethan knows he’s growing older and covers this concern with his wit.
• Hope/fear: We hope Ethan’s open to new dating methods and fear he’ll never find anyone.
Scene 3
Scene Number: 3
Slugline: INT. ETHAN’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Description: Ethan signs up with a membership to an online dating site.
Scene Requirements:
• Scene Arc: Ethan goes from unenthusiastic to excited about the online possibilities.
• Essence: To show there may be love for Ethan in the future.
• Conflict: Ethan goes through internal mental anguish as he searches online.
• Subtext: Ethan laughs at his present single status covering his loneliness.
• Hope/fear: We hope Ethan finds love and fear he may be wasting his time.
Scene 4
Scene Number: 4
Slugline: INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Description: Ethan gets several requests to meet from an interesting array of women.
Scene Requirements:
• Scene Arc: Ethan goes from a casual evening to being overwhelmed by women propositions.
• Essence: To show Ethan has many decisions to make with regards to his love life.
• Conflict: Feeling overwhelmed, Ethan politely dismisses the women suitors.
• Subtext: Ethan hides his insecurity through witty messages.
• Hope/fear: We hope Ethan will choose one of the women and fear he’ll ruin his chances at love.
Scene 5
Scene Number: 5
Slugline: INT. ETHAN’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Description: Ethan meets his tech genius, Joey, and they embark on the dating adventures of a lifetime.
Scene Requirements:
• Scene Arc: Ethan goes from having his reservations to accepting Joey’s ideas for his profile.
• Essence: To show Ethan and Joey’s differences leading to a bonding moment.
• Conflict: Ethan and Joey spar about how best to approach women.
• Subtext: Ethan and Joey divulge very little about their pasts through evasion.
• Hope/fear: We hope Ethan is successful and fear his attitude will leave him single.
Scene 6
Scene Number: 6
Slugline: MONTAGE OF SHORT DATING SCENES
Description: Comedy: Ethan goes on multiple dates and meets women who are eccentric and some who are downright bizarre. Character action: Ethan offers awkward complements to hide his disillusionment with the dates. He offers chuckles as the women describe themselves.
Scene Requirements:
• Scene Arc: From hope to humorous disillusionment.
• Essence: To show Ethan’s varied and unsuccessful dating experiences.
• Conflict: Ethan’s internal conflict with each date’s eccentricity.
• Subtext: Ethan’s politeness masks his disappointment.
• Hope/fear: We hope Ethan finds someone normal and fear he will continue to meet odd women.
Scene 7
Scene Number: 7
Slugline: INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Description: Ethan meets Lily and subtle sparks fly as they appear to hide an aspect of their lives.
Scene Requirements:
• Scene Arc: From awkwardness to mutual fun.
• Essence: To show Ethan and Lily can have a future.
• Conflict: Lily doesn’t want to talk about her childhood.
• Subtext: They politely hide aspects of their lives.
• Hope/fear: We fear they may not be compatible and hope there is a chance.
Scene 8
Scene Number: 8
Slugline: INT. LILY’S APARTMENT – LATER
Description: Lily takes out a letter left by Ethan and reads it again.
Scene Requirements:
• Scene Arc: From a mysterious Lily to a thoughtful woman.
• Essence: To show that Lily has known about Ethan.
• Conflict: Does not let Ethan know the truth about her.
• Subtext: What is Lily keeping secret?
• Hope/fear: We fear Lily may never see Ethan again and hope they reunite at some point.
Scene 9
Scene Number: 9
Slugline: INT. ETHAN’S APARTMENT – DAY
Description: Ethan feels most of his dates were unsuccessful but believes he may have a future with Lily.
Scene Requirements:
• Scene Arc: From Ethan feeling like a failure to believing in a relationship with Lily.
• Essence: To show Ethan made a connection with Lily.
• Conflict: Ethan and Joey spar over her work which he deems as unsuccessful.
• Subtext: Ethan doesn’t want Joey to know how much he wants to follow up with Lily.
• Hope/fear: We fear Ethan will remain single and hope Lily can stay in his life.
Scene 10
Scene Number: 10
Slugline: INT. LILY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Description: Lily invites Ethan to her home and proposes a creative competition.
Scene Requirements:
• Scene Arc: From Lily’s dubious intent to her wanting to get closer to Ethan.
• Essence: To show Lily wants to get closer to Ethan.
• Conflict: Ethan questions how Lily knows about him but she doesn’t reveal anything.
• Subtext: Lily covertly wants to know Ethan’s authenticity.
• Hope/fear: We hope Ethan and Lily make a connection and fear his suspicion will ruin them.
Scene 11
Scene Number: 11
Slugline: INT. LILY’S APARTMENT – DAY
Description: Lily shows Ethan her art studio with many works in progress.
Scene Requirements:
• Scene Arc: From Ethan’s suspicions to a connection being made with Lily.
• Essence: To show Ethan and Lily can have a relationship.
• Conflict: Ethan expresses his suspicions as Lily remains mum.
• Subtext: Lily is slowly bringing Ethan into her life.
• Hope/fear: We hope a relationship can flourish and fear suspicions will derail Ethan and Lily.

Act 2:
Scene 12
Scene Number: 12
Slugline: EXT. PARK – DAY
Description: Ethan meets with Joey to have his profile suspended as he wants to pursue Lily only.
Scene Requirements:
• Scene Arc: From Ethan weighing his dating options to choosing Lily.
• Essence: To show optimistic Ethan is about Lily.
• Conflict: Ethan and Joey spar about keeping her as a love assistant.
• Subtext: Joey wants to stay close to Ethan thus her insistence.
• Hope/fear: We fear Ethan and Joey will stop working together and hope he’s successful.
Scene 13
Scene Number: 13
Slugline: INT. JOEY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Description: Joey finds out that her children’s father who’s on trial may not be acquitted from felony charges.
Scene Requirements:
• Scene Arc: From Joey having a pleasant evening to finding out pessimistic news.
• Essence: To show Joey’s dire life/family situation.
• Conflict: Joey battles with her mother-in-law over the future of the family.
• Subtext: Joey evades questions on how she will provide for the family.
• Hope/fear: We hope Joey can save her family and fear she will fall on desperate times.
Scene 14
Scene Number: 14
Slugline: INT. ETHAN’S APARTMENT – DAY
Description: Joey begins to swoon Ethan to ingratiate herself in his life.
Scene Requirements:
• Scene Arc: From Ethan and Joey being work cohorts to reliable friends.
• Essence: To show Joey immersing herself into Ethan’s life.
• Conflict: Ethan wants her as a work partner but Joey wants friendship.
• Subtext: Joey hides her ulterior motive from Ethan.
• Hope/fear: We hope Ethan and Joey can get along and fear they will end their partnership.
Scene 15
Scene Number: 15
Slugline: INT. COFFEE SHOP – NIGHT
Description: Lily writes letters to Ethan but he never receives them.
Scene Requirements:
• Scene Arc: From Lily having love for Ethan to thinking he’s ignoring her.
• Essence: To show Lily’s true feelings for Ethan.
• Conflict: Lily’s feelings of inadequacy toward Ethan.
• Subtext: Lily thinks Ethan isn’t interested though he never gets her letters.
• Hope/fear: We fear Ethan will never get her letters and hope they stay together.
Scene 16
Scene Number: 16
Slugline: INT. ETHAN’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Description: Ethan’s grief over Lily’s perceived silence turns him to a downward spiral.
Scene Requirements:
• Scene Arc: From Ethan’s confidence in Lily to grief over her perceived rejection.
• Essence: To show how deeply Ethan cares for Lily.
• Conflict: Ethan’s mental battle with his failed relationship with Lily.
• Subtext: Ethan keeps quiet about his hurt to Joey.
• Hope/fear: We fear Ethan will never know Lily’s feelings and hope he discovers the truth.
Scene 17
Scene Number: 17
Slugline: INT. LILY’S APARTMENT – DAY
Description: Lily gets a call from Ethan, excited about her art and requests to meet her again.
Scene Requirements:
• Scene Arc: From Lily’s deep despair to hopeful in her art and Ethan.
• Essence: To show Ethan has interest in Lily’s art.
• Conflict: Lily battles with herself on whether to trust Ethan again.
• Subtext: Lily keeps her life’s struggles from Ethan.
• Hope/fear: We hope Lily finds peace and fear she will not trust Ethan.
Scene 18
Scene Number: 18
Slugline: INT. ETHAN’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Description: Ethan’s intrigue of Lily turns to reality as he sneaks a note for her in her apartment.
Scene Requirements:
• Scene Arc: From Ethan feeling unsuccessful to confidence he and Lily will connect.
• Essence: To show Ethan’s dedication to Lily.
• Conflict: Ethan’s battle with self-confidence in leaving a note for Lily.
• Subtext: Ethan keeps his dedication to himself.
• Hope/fear: We hope Ethan and Lily have a connection and fear she will never know his efforts.
Scene 19
Scene Number: 19
Slugline: INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Description: Lily sees Ethan’s letter and becomes intrigued.
Scene Requirements:
• Scene Arc: From Lily’s feeling hopeless to having intrigue for Ethan.
• Essence: To show Lily’s deep feelings for Ethan.
• Conflict: Lily’s internal battle on whether she can trust Ethan.
• Subtext: Lily does not tell anyone about Ethan’s letter.
• Hope/fear: We hope Ethan’s letter can bring them together and fear she’ll never trust him.
Scene 20
Scene Number: 20
Slugline: EXT. PARK – DAY
Description: Ethan and Joey spar over the closure of his account as he feels he only wants Lily.
Scene Requirements:
• Scene Arc: From Ethan’s feeling hopeless to having intrigue for Ethan.
• Essence: To show Ethan’s confidence in Lily.
• Conflict: Joey’s unrelenting attitude to close the account.
• Subtext: Joey’s feelings of inadequacy for Ethan’s attention.
• Hope/fear: We fear Ethan’s growing anger at Joey and hope she can relent.
Scene 21
Scene Number: 21
Slugline: INT. ART GALLERY – NIGHT
Description: Ethan attends an art exhibition featuring Lily’s work.
Scene Requirements:
• Scene Arc: From Ethan feeling excited to being mesmerized by Lily’s art.
• Essence: To show Ethan’s admiration and support for Lily.
• Conflict: Ethan struggles to approach Lily among the crowd.
• Subtext: Ethan hides his nervousness with curiosity about the art.
• Hope/fear: We hope Ethan and Lily reconnect and fear they will remain distant.
Scene 22
Scene Number: 22
Slugline: INT. LILY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Description: Lily reads Ethan’s second letter, realizing his genuine interest in her art.
Scene Requirements:
• Scene Arc: From Lily’s skepticism to being touched by Ethan’s sincerity.
• Essence: To show Lily’s growing trust and feelings for Ethan.
• Conflict: Lily battles with her fear of being hurt again.
• Subtext: Lily keeps her emotional turmoil hidden from others.
• Hope/fear: We hope Lily reaches out to Ethan and fear she will let her fears dominate.
Scene 23
Scene Number: 23
Slugline: INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Description: Lily decides to meet Ethan at their usual coffee shop, feeling a mix of hope and anxiety.
Scene Requirements:
• Scene Arc: From Lily’s anxiety to hopeful anticipation.
• Essence: To show Lily’s willingness to give Ethan a chance.
• Conflict: Lily’s internal struggle with vulnerability.
• Subtext: Lily masks her nervousness with small talk.
• Hope/fear: We hope the meeting goes well and fear it may be awkward.
Scene 24
Scene Number: 24
Slugline: INT. COFFEE SHOP – NIGHT
Description: Ethan arrives at the coffee shop, and he and Lily have a heartfelt conversation.
Scene Requirements:
• Scene Arc: From awkwardness to deep connection.
• Essence: To show Ethan and Lily’s growing bond.
• Conflict: They both avoid discussing their pasts.
• Subtext: Their polite conversation hides deeper emotions.
• Hope/fear: We hope they open up to each other and fear they might remain guarded.

Act 3:
Scene 25
Scene Number: 25
Slugline: INT. ETHAN’S APARTMENT – DAY
Description: Ethan talks to Joey about his date with Lily, expressing his optimism.
Scene Requirements:
• Scene Arc: From Ethan’s excitement to Joey’s subtle jealousy.
• Essence: To show Ethan’s hope and Joey’s inner conflict.
• Conflict: Joey tries to hide her feelings and remain supportive.
• Subtext: Joey’s compliments hide her jealousy and fear of losing Ethan’s attention.
• Hope/fear: We hope Joey can accept Ethan’s happiness and fear she might interfere.
Scene 26
Scene Number: 26
Slugline: INT. LILY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Description: Lily paints a new piece inspired by her feelings for Ethan.
Scene Requirements:
• Scene Arc: From Lily’s artistic block to creative inspiration.
• Essence: To show Lily’s emotional connection with Ethan influencing her art.
• Conflict: Lily struggles with her feelings while creating.
• Subtext: Her art reveals more about her emotions than her words.
• Hope/fear: We hope Lily finds peace in her art and fear her emotions might overwhelm her.
Scene 27
Scene Number: 27
Slugline: INT. ETHAN’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Description: Ethan finds out Joey has been manipulating his online profile and feels betrayed.
Scene Requirements:
• Scene Arc: From trust to betrayal.
• Essence: To show the fragility of Ethan and Joey’s relationship.
• Conflict: Ethan confronts Joey about her actions.
• Subtext: Joey’s justifications reveal her desperation.
• Hope/fear: We fear this might end their partnership and hope they can reconcile.
Scene 28
Scene Number: 28
Slugline: INT. ART GALLERY – NIGHT
Description: Ethan attends another of Lily’s art shows, bringing a small, thoughtful gift.
Scene Requirements:
• Scene Arc: From anticipation to shared joy.
• Essence: To show Ethan’s genuine interest and support for Lily.
• Conflict: Ethan’s nervousness about giving the gift.
• Subtext: The gift symbolizes Ethan’s commitment.
• Hope/fear: We hope Lily appreciates the gesture and fear she might misunderstand it.
Scene 29
Scene Number: 29
Slugline: INT. LILY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Description: Lily reads a heartfelt letter from Ethan, expressing his feelings and hopes for their future.
Scene Requirements:
• Scene Arc: From uncertainty to emotional clarity.
• Essence: To show Ethan’s vulnerability and honesty.
• Conflict: Lily’s fear of reciprocating Ethan’s feelings.
• Subtext: Lily’s silence is filled with emotional turmoil.
• Hope/fear: We hope Lily responds positively and fear she might withdraw.
Scene 30
Scene Number: 30
Slugline: INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Description: Ethan and Lily meet to discuss the letter and their future.
Scene Requirements:
• Scene Arc: From tension to mutual understanding.
• Essence: To show their willingness to work through their fears.
• Conflict: They both struggle to express their true feelings.
• Subtext: Their conversation reveals their hopes and fears.
• Hope/fear: We hope they find common ground and fear their insecurities will pull them apart.
Scene 31
Scene Number: 31
Slugline: INT. ETHAN’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Description: Ethan and Joey have a heart-to-heart, mending their friendship and discussing boundaries.
Scene Requirements:
• Scene Arc: From tension to reconciliation.
• Essence: To show the strength of their friendship.
• Conflict: Joey apologizes, and Ethan sets boundaries.
• Subtext: Their words convey their deep bond and mutual respect.
• Hope/fear: We hope their friendship grows stronger and fear lingering issues might resurface.
Scene 32
Scene Number: 32
Slugline: EXT. PARK – DAY
Description: Ethan and Lily take a walk, enjoying each other’s company and discussing their future plans.
Scene Requirements:
• Scene Arc: From uncertainty to shared vision.
• Essence: To show their growing connection and commitment.
• Conflict: Minor disagreements about their future.
• Subtext: Their conversation reflects their deepening relationship.
• Hope/fear: We hope they continue to grow together and fear potential obstacles.
Scene 33
Scene Number: 33
Slugline: INT. ART GALLERY – NIGHT
Description: Lily unveils a new art piece dedicated to Ethan, symbolizing their journey.
Scene Requirements:
• Scene Arc: From anticipation to emotional revelation.
• Essence: To show Lily’s love and dedication to Ethan.
• Conflict: Ethan’s reaction to the surprise.
• Subtext: The art piece conveys their emotional bond.
• Hope/fear: We hope Ethan loves the gesture and fear he might feel overwhelmed.

Act 4:
Scene 34
Scene Number: 34
Slugline: INT. ETHAN’S APARTMENT – DAY
Description: Ethan reflects on his journey and decides to fully commit to his relationship with Lily.
Scene Requirements:
• Scene Arc: From reflection to resolution.
• Essence: To show Ethan’s determination and love.
• Conflict: Ethan’s internal struggle with commitment.
• Subtext: Ethan’s actions reflect his growth.
• Hope/fear: We hope Ethan’s decision brings happiness and fear lingering doubts.
Scene 35
Scene Number: 35
Slugline: INT. LILY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Description: Ethan surprises Lily with a romantic dinner, expressing his commitment.
Scene Requirements:
• Scene Arc: From surprise to mutual commitment.
• Essence: To show their deepening love and trust.
• Conflict: Minor nerves about the evening.
• Subtext: Their actions convey their emotions.
• Hope/fear: We hope the evening strengthens their bond and fear unexpected issues.
Scene 36
Scene Number: 36
Slugline: INT. ART GALLERY – NIGHT
Description: Ethan and Lily attend an art event together, confident in their relationship.
Scene Requirements:
• Scene Arc: From tentative beginnings to a strong partnership.
• Essence: To show their growth as a couple.
• Conflict: Minor social challenges.
• Subtext: Their unity is evident in their interactions.
• Hope/fear: We hope they enjoy the event and fear social pressures.
Scene 37
Scene Number: 37
Slugline: EXT. PARK – DAY
Description: Ethan and Lily share a heartfelt moment, looking towards their future together.
Scene Requirements:
• Scene Arc: From reflection to anticipation.
• Essence: To show their hope and commitment.
• Conflict: Reflecting on past challenges.
• Subtext: Their conversation reveals their deep bond.
• Hope/fear: We hope they continue to thrive together and fear potential future obstacles.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James’ Intriguing Moments

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…although I’m writing a romantic comedy there’s much underhanded activity going on. This probably stems from my characters wanting to find the love of their lives which in some instances cause people to go the extra mile to achieve their goals. The AI prompt provided interesting intrigue possibilities that could add new layers I did not previously consider.

Act 1: Ethan wants to find true love by Valentine’s Day.
Opening: Introduce Ethan as a lovable but awkward bachelor, desperate to find love. He’s at a New Year’s party hoping his date shows up, but doesn’t. Character action: Ethan takes notes as he observes other couples smooch then gives them humorous complements on what he studied.
INTRIGUE: Ethan uneasily checks his watch and looks around at a New Year’s Eve party.
Distress: Ethan becomes anxious watching the other couples smooching as he constantly searches and inquires for the arrival of his date. (Negative Emotional Moment)
Ethan’s close friend, Albert, surprises him the next day and witnesses a depressed man. Albert suggests an online dating site given Ethan is a tech enthusiast and the analytical type. Character action: At first, Ethan politely rejects the idea, but then shows his wit by giving the suggestion a try.
Ethan gets several requests to meet from an interesting array of women; feels overwhelmed and chooses not to meet any of the women. Character action: Ethan politely refuses to engage with the array of women by sending them witty messages.
Surprise/Success: Ethan reacts joyfully at the numerous requests for a date and is overwhelmed. (Positive Emotional Moment)
Inciting Incident: the success of the dating site causes Ethan to hire Joey, a tech genius, to bring order to his fortune; she’s hired for a short duration. He wants to find true love by Valentine’s Day (The Ticking Clock). Character action: Ethan politely evades questions about his past inquired by Joey. His mannerisms become awkward.
SETUP: a) Joey hints that she has many “members of her family” to take care of.
SETUP: f) Joey uses smooth language to make her case as a con would.
SETUP: g) Ethan refuses to talk about his upbringing with Joey.
INTRIGUE/MYSTERY: Ethan evades questions about his past mainly childhood. Why?
SETUP: i) Ethan states he likes children.
Bonding: Ethan and Joey both express how they like children. (Positive Emotional Moment)
Ethan and Joey work on his profile as she “maximizes” the algorithm. Character action: Ethan becomes enthralled with Joey’s work and displays his analytical trait by mentally calculating the chances of a successful algorithm.
SETUP: b) Ethan doesn’t feel comfortable putting his “life” out there on the internet.
Comedy: Ethan goes on multiple dates and meets women who are eccentric and some who are downright bizarre. Character action: Ethan offers awkward complements to hide his disillusionment with the dates. He offers chuckles as the women describe themselves.
The meet-cute: Ethan meets Lily and subtle sparks fly as they appear to hide an aspect of their lives. That said, they have an enjoyable time together. Character action: Ethan developed a preset of questions he asks Lily to make sure she’s not a psychopath. Character action: Lily reads Ethan a poem she specially wrote for their meetup.
Surprise/Love/Bonding: It turns out Ethan has an enjoyable date with Lily as the potential for love is in the air. (Positive Emotional Moment)
SETUP: h) Lily is right on target with how Ethan likes to express himself.
SETUP: i) Ethan says he likes to take care of children.
SETUP: j) Lily avoids talking about her childhood.
DEEPER LAYER: Ethan has already found true love as Lily has been following his life through the letters he has left behind, but doesn’t know it yet.
Secret: Lily keeps knowing about Ethan and his letter from him. INTRIGUE
REVEAL: b) Ethan has an apprehensive nature before entering relationships.
Turning Point 1: Ethan begins to question the authenticity of the connections he's making online, but believes he may have a future with Lily, one of the newfound potential prospects. Character action: Ethan gently criticizes Joey’s work because he feels most of the dates were unsuccessful. He offers witty scenarios as to why those relationships would never pan out.
SETUP: e) Lily tells Ethan she hates to lose as she recounts her victories in life.
Competitive Streak: Lily suggests a friendly competition in creating pottery or another art form during one of their dates, showcasing her competitive side.
Hidden agenda: Lily wants to get to know Ethan better for his authenticity before revealing she’s the owner of one of his past letters. INTRIGUE
SETUP: d) Lily shows Ethan her art studio with many works in progress.
Relationship set-up: Ethan wants to go on more dates with Lily. She’s the hope he has for his love life; he has a connection with her due to the following from one of his letters. Character action: Ethan makes his case to Joey using possible moments he’ll have with Lily.
DEEPER LAYER: Lily comes across as knowing Ethan well on their first few dates.

Act 2: Ethan wants to pursue Lily who could be the one.
New plan: Ethan seeks help from Joey to manage his online dating chaos; wants no more dates for now. Character action: Ethan sets up a probability test to see if he’ll have success with Lily.
Joey finds out that her children’s father who’s on trial may not be acquitted from felony charges.
Superior position: The audience knows Joey is a mother with an intent to secure her children’s well-being; Ethan is unaware of this situation. INTRIGUE
Distress: Joey’s anxiety grows as she learns her children may wind up fatherless. (Negative Emotional Moment)
REVEAL: a) Joey is actually separated looking for a father for her five kids.
Scheme: Joey will attempt to swoon Ethan so he can be the father figure for her children. INTRIGUE
SETUP: f) Joey comes across as desperate with her family in dire straits.
SETUP: i) Ethan feels compassion for Joey’s family, which may include children.
Writing Letters Back: Lily begins writing letters back to Ethan, mirroring his form of communication and deepening their connection.
SETUP: c) Max is introduced as a scheming ex who doesn’t take no for an answer.
The journey of love: Joey becomes more attracted to Ethan putting a wrench in his pursuit of Lily. Joey starts developing feelings for Ethan, creating a complex love triangle, and adding tension to their professional relationship. Character action: Ethan gives in to Joey’s advances as he calculates how they’ve arrived at this moment.
Covert Agenda: Joey actively launches a campaign to win Ethan for herself. INTRIGUE
Emotional Dilemma: Ethan finds himself in a bind as he not only has feelings for Lily, but is developing a romance with Joey. (Negative Emotional Moment)
REVEAL: f) Joey is a con woman. She sets a plan to make Ethan hers.
Ethan goes on an all-day date with Lily. He learns more about her as she correctly “guesses” many details of his life. Character action: Ethan becomes enraptured with Lily’s accurate perception of him; his wittiness flows out as he’s totally comfortable with her. Character action: Lily wows Ethan with her own developed art.
Bonding/Love: Ethan and Lily’s compatibility grows as he feels more attached to her. (Positive Emotional Moment)
Mystery: How does Lily know so much about Ethan? INTRIGUE
SETUP: g) Ethan refuses to chat about his past much to Lily’s dismay.
REVEAL: d) Lily is a gifted artist.
Plan in action: Ethan begins to develop genuine feelings for Lily, a potential girlfriend. Character action: Ethan ironically enough writes Lily a letter, which is a bit awkward but best lets him convey his feelings for her. Character action: Lily playfully writes a letter of her own expressing her feelings towards him.
SETUP: j) Lily avoids discussing her past by focusing on the written letters.
Lily decides Ethan is better for her than Max. Max is the estranged and clinging ex who is very possessive; she asks him to get lost. Character actions: Lily confronts Max by belittling him sarcastically until he has no choice but to leave.
REVEAL: e) Lily is very competitive. She tells Max that his own competition for her is over.
Issues: Lily’s ex, Max, is still in her life as he refuses to let her go. He becomes an antagonist in Ethan’s quest for love. Max is manipulative and vengeful, using his tech skills to create chaos in Ethan’s life.
Midpoint Turning Point: Ethan's online escapades catch the attention of Max, an internet troll and Lily’s ex, who launches a smear campaign against him.
REVEAL: c) Max is an internet troll on a smear campaign against Ethan.
Scheme: Max plans to ruin Ethan making him unattractive to Lily. INTRIGUE
Separation: Lily catches Joey on top of Ethan in a heated moment; Lily now has distrust for Ethan as he attempts to explain. Character action: Ethan defuses the situation by humorously portraying this act with Joey does not include a future as they’re not compatible; he puts everyone in an awkward state. Character action: Lily refuses to accept the apology from Ethan, yet she gives them her own verbal attack.
Moral Issue/Distress: Ethan finds himself between two women not knowing how to diffuse the situation causing angst in Lily and Joey. (Negative Emotional Moment)

Act 3: Ethan must find a way for Lily to have total trust in him.
DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Lily tells Ethan she’s known about him for a while but wanted to make sure he’s the real man portrayed by his letters. Character action: Ethan implores Lily to give him another chance, but comes across as reserving details from his past. Character action: Lily makes it clear that words cannot fix their relationship; more truth and substance is needed.
Wound: Both Ethan and Lily’s tragic pasts surface causing an ironic bonding situation as they share similar childhood challenges. (Positive Emotional Moment)
REVEAL: g) Ethan was shuffled from one foster family to the next as a child; abandoned at birth.
REVEAL: h) Lily has one of Ethan’s past letters. This is how she’s known about him; she frequents the place where he writes his letters.
REVEAL: j) Lily’s guarded nature stems from a deep-seated fear of rejection that goes beyond her father's abandonment. This is where Lily and Ethan bond because of their similar histories.
Rethink everything: Max reveals himself as the mastermind behind Ethan's new viral profile. Max confronts Ethan and tells him to back off. Character action: Ethan fights back at Max laying out the scenarios he’ll never succeed.
INTRIGUE: Max’s revelation raises the question of whether he will be successful against Ethan?
Comedy: Numerous women continue to pursue Ethan as he’s an online sensation. Character action: Ethan messages back the overexuberant women attempting to letting them down easy.
Issues: Ethan doesn’t know how to handle the constant influx of women in his life. Character action: Ethan asks Albert to “cover” the influx by acting as his therapist to dissuade them.
Lily’s Dilemma: Lily must choose between blindly competing for Ethan’s affection without knowing the full truth or taking a step back to gain clarity. Both choices seem to risk her chance at genuine love. Character action: Lily works on an abstract painting of her and Ethan as she ponders her predicament.
Emotional Dilemma/Sacrifice: If Lily gives up on Ethan, she may lose a worthy relationship yet his shortcomings could cause further torment. (Negative Emotional Moment)
DEEPER LAYER: Ethan realizes he and Lily were meant for each other. All their actions were made for the purpose of solidifying their relationship. Character action: Ethan reaches out to Lily with a lyrical verse attempting to smooth out things. Character action: Lily communicates with Joey expressing contempt for her intrusion.
Ethan writes Lily a letter from the heart to salvage things. Character action: Ethan tries to use humor to get Lily’s trust back.
Cover up: Joey continues to hide her scheme from Ethan. INTRIGUE
New plan: Ethan must confront Max and expose his deception to win Lily's heart. Character action: Ethan follows Max’s moves like an undercover detective trying to get filth.
Turning Point 2: Huge failure / Major shift: Lily breaks away from Ethan due to his supposed new online sexually charged persona. She receives the new letter but doesn’t open it. Character action: Lily stops working on the painting of her and Ethan.
Dilemma: Ethan is faced with two equally unacceptable choices: give up on love due to the chaos caused by Max and Joey, or confront Max and risk further humiliation. He feels he might lose Lily no matter what he does. Perhaps Albert’s the sounding board. Character action: Ethan asks Albert to help him sort out Lily’s reactions she may have at his reconquering chase.
Public Apology: Ethan stages a public apology to Lily at one of her art shows, using humor and vulnerability to win her back.
Artistic Confrontation: Lily confronts Ethan in a public space, like an art gallery, using her artwork to express her feelings and demand honesty from him.
Joey must decide whether to continue pursuing Ethan or support him in winning Lily’s heart. Joey is torn between their own feelings for Ethan and helping him reconcile with Lily.
Moral Issue: Joey reaches a major decision in her life as to what is right and wrong; that is help his relationship with Lily or continue to pursue a father figure for her children. (Negative Emotional Moment)

Act 4: Ethan and Lily reach understanding and move forward as a couple.
Joey steps back and helps Ethan confront Max, putting their own feelings aside for the greater good. This act of selflessness becomes Joey’s ultimate conflict resolution.
Courage: Joey finds the strength to help Ethan with the love of his life. (Positive Emotional Moment)
Covert agenda: Joey helps Ethan combat Max and his treacherous mission. INTRIGUE
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Ethan confronts Max and exposes his manipulation, proving his love for Lily is genuine. Perhaps Ethan turns the tables on Max. Character action: Ethan creates a witty but damaging post that reveals Max as a major internet troll.
Live Stream Confrontation: Ethan live streams his confrontation with Max, using humor and cleverness to expose Max’s true nature in front of a wide audience.
The journey of love: Ethan and Lily truly fall for each other; they’re meant to be together. It happens consequently on Valentine’s Day. Character action: Ethan deletes all his social media accounts with the press of a few buttons in front of Lily. Character action: Lily raises her hand in victory feeling she now knows the real Ethan.
Success/Love: Ethan and Lily unite in true love overcoming emotional struggles and the negative forces in their lives. (Positive Emotional Moment)
Joey reunites with the father of her children given he’s found not guilty. They have a reconciliatory dinner on Valentine’s Day.
REVEAL: i) Ethan has been anonymously funding scholarships for foster children.
INTRIGUE: Ethan shares his philanthropic gesture to what purpose.
Symbolic Gesture: Lily symbolically gives Ethan a key to her studio, representing her opening up and trusting him with her heart.
Bonding: Lily solidifies her relationship with Ethan by giving him the key to her studio which means it is the gateway to her heart. (Positive Emotional Moment)
Resolution: Ethan and Lily embark on a genuine relationship, free from Max's influence. They go out on the town on Valentine’s Day. Character action: Ethan takes Lily to the first place he left one of his letters; where his writing journey began. Character action: Lily surprise Ethan with the completed painting; perhaps at the same place as where the letter was left.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James’ Emotional Moments

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…there are already emotional moments in my script and the challenge becomes getting the most out of them in terms of impact and poignancy. The AI prompt was helpful in reassuring me I had emotional moments, but did not offer anything significantly new.

Act 1: Ethan wants to find true love by Valentine’s Day.
Opening: Introduce Ethan as a lovable but awkward bachelor, desperate to find love. He’s at a New Year’s party hoping his date shows up, but doesn’t. Character action: Ethan takes notes as he observes other couples smooch then gives them humorous complements on what he studied.
Distress: Ethan becomes anxious watching the other couples smooching as he constantly searches and inquires for the arrival of his date. (Negative Emotional Moment)
Ethan’s close friend, Albert, surprises him the next day and witnesses a depressed man. Albert suggests an online dating site given Ethan is a tech enthusiast and the analytical type. Character action: At first, Ethan politely rejects the idea, but then shows his wit by giving the suggestion a try.
Ethan gets several requests to meet from an interesting array of women; feels overwhelmed and chooses not to meet any of the women. Character action: Ethan politely refuses to engage with the array of women by sending them witty messages.
Surprise/Success: Ethan reacts joyfully at the numerous requests for a date and is overwhelmed. (Positive Emotional Moment)
Inciting Incident: the success of the dating site causes Ethan to hire Joey, a tech genius, to bring order to his fortune; she’s hired for a short duration. He wants to find true love by Valentine’s Day (The Ticking Clock). Character action: Ethan politely evades questions about his past inquired by Joey. His mannerisms become awkward.
SETUP: a) Joey hints that she has many “members of her family” to take care of.
SETUP: f) Joey uses smooth language to make her case as a con would.
SETUP: g) Ethan refuses to talk about his upbringing with Joey.
SETUP: i) Ethan states he likes children.
Bonding: Ethan and Joey both express how they like children. (Positive Emotional Moment)
Ethan and Joey work on his profile as she “maximizes” the algorithm. Character action: Ethan becomes enthralled with Joey’s work and displays his analytical trait by mentally calculating the chances of a successful algorithm.
SETUP: b) Ethan doesn’t feel comfortable putting his “life” out there on the internet.
Comedy: Ethan goes on multiple dates and meets women who are eccentric and some who are downright bizarre. Character action: Ethan offers awkward complements to hide his disillusionment with the dates. He offers chuckles as the women describe themselves.
The meet-cute: Ethan meets Lily and subtle sparks fly as they appear to hide an aspect of their lives. That said, they have an enjoyable time together. Character action: Ethan developed a preset of questions he asks Lily to make sure she’s not a psychopath. Character action: Lily reads Ethan a poem she specially wrote for their meetup.
Surprise/Love/Bonding: It turns out Ethan has an enjoyable date with Lily as the potential for love is in the air. (Positive Emotional Moment)
SETUP: h) Lily is right on target with how Ethan likes to express himself.
SETUP: i) Ethan says he likes to take care of children.
SETUP: j) Lily avoids talking about her childhood.
DEEPER LAYER: Ethan has already found true love as Lily has been following his life through the letters he has left behind, but doesn’t know it yet.
REVEAL: b) Ethan has an apprehensive nature before entering relationships.
Turning Point 1: Ethan begins to question the authenticity of the connections he's making online, but believes he may have a future with Lily, one of the newfound potential prospects. Character action: Ethan gently criticizes Joey’s work because he feels most of the dates were unsuccessful. He offers witty scenarios as to why those relationships would never pan out.
SETUP: e) Lily tells Ethan she hates to lose as she recounts her victories in life.
Competitive Streak: Lily suggests a friendly competition in creating pottery or another art form during one of their dates, showcasing her competitive side.
SETUP: d) Lily shows Ethan her art studio with many works in progress.
Relationship set-up: Ethan wants to go on more dates with Lily. She’s the hope he has for his love life; he has a connection with her due to the following from one of his letters. Character action: Ethan makes his case to Joey using possible moments he’ll have with Lily.
DEEPER LAYER: Lily comes across as knowing Ethan well on their first few dates.

Act 2: Ethan wants to pursue Lily who could be the one.
New plan: Ethan seeks help from Joey to manage his online dating chaos; wants no more dates for now. Character action: Ethan sets up a probability test to see if he’ll have success with Lily.
Joey finds out that her children’s father who’s on trial may not be acquitted from felony charges.
Distress: Joey’s anxiety grows as she learns her children may wind up fatherless. (Negative Emotional Moment)
REVEAL: a) Joey is actually separated looking for a father for her five kids.
SETUP: f) Joey comes across as desperate with her family in dire straits.
SETUP: i) Ethan feels compassion for Joey’s family, which may include children.
Writing Letters Back: Lily begins writing letters back to Ethan, mirroring his form of communication and deepening their connection.
SETUP: c) Max is introduced as a scheming ex who doesn’t take no for an answer.
The journey of love: Joey becomes more attracted to Ethan putting a wrench in his pursuit of Lily. Joey starts developing feelings for Ethan, creating a complex love triangle, and adding tension to their professional relationship. Character action: Ethan gives in to Joey’s advances as he calculates how they’ve arrived at this moment.
Emotional Dilemma: Ethan finds himself in a bind as he not only has feelings for Lily, but is developing a romance with Joey. (Negative Emotional Moment)
REVEAL: f) Joey is a con woman. She sets a plan to make Ethan hers.
Ethan goes on an all-day date with Lily. He learns more about her as she correctly “guesses” many details of his life. Character action: Ethan becomes enraptured with Lily’s accurate perception of him; his wittiness flows out as he’s totally comfortable with her. Character action: Lily wows Ethan with her own developed art.
Bonding/Love: Ethan and Lily’s compatibility grows as he feels more attached to her. (Positive Emotional Moment)
SETUP: g) Ethan refuses to chat about his past much to Lily’s dismay.
REVEAL: d) Lily is a gifted artist.
Plan in action: Ethan begins to develop genuine feelings for Lily, a potential girlfriend. Character action: Ethan ironically enough writes Lily a letter, which is a bit awkward but best lets him convey his feelings for her. Character action: Lily playfully writes a letter of her own expressing her feelings towards him.
SETUP: j) Lily avoids discussing her past by focusing on the written letters.
Lily decides Ethan is better for her than Max. Max is the estranged and clinging ex who is very possessive; she asks him to get lost. Character actions: Lily confronts Max by belittling him sarcastically until he has no choice but to leave.
REVEAL: e) Lily is very competitive. She tells Max that his own competition for her is over.
Issues: Lily’s ex, Max, is still in her life as he refuses to let her go. He becomes an antagonist in Ethan’s quest for love. Max is manipulative and vengeful, using his tech skills to create chaos in Ethan’s life.
Midpoint Turning Point: Ethan's online escapades catch the attention of Max, an internet troll and Lily’s ex, who launches a smear campaign against him.
REVEAL: c) Max is an internet troll on a smear campaign against Ethan.
Separation: Lily catches Joey on top of Ethan in a heated moment; Lily now has distrust for Ethan as he attempts to explain. Character action: Ethan defuses the situation by humorously portraying this act with Joey does not include a future as they’re not compatible; he puts everyone in an awkward state. Character action: Lily refuses to accept the apology from Ethan, yet she gives them her own verbal attack.
Moral Issue/Distress: Ethan finds himself between two women not knowing how to diffuse the situation causing angst in Lily and Joey. (Negative Emotional Moment)

Act 3: Ethan must find a way for Lily to have total trust in him.
DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Lily tells Ethan she’s known about him for a while but wanted to make sure he’s the real man portrayed by his letters. Character action: Ethan implores Lily to give him another chance, but comes across as reserving details from his past. Character action: Lily makes it clear that words cannot fix their relationship; more truth and substance is needed.
Wound: Both Ethan and Lily’s tragic pasts surface causing an ironic bonding situation as they share similar childhood challenges. (Positive Emotional Moment)
REVEAL: g) Ethan was shuffled from one foster family to the next as a child; abandoned at birth.
REVEAL: h) Lily has one of Ethan’s past letters. This is how she’s known about him.
REVEAL: j) Lily’s guarded nature stems from a deep-seated fear of rejection that goes beyond her father's abandonment. This is where Lily and Ethan bond because of their similar histories.
Rethink everything: Max reveals himself as the mastermind behind Ethan's new viral profile. Max confronts Ethan and tells him to back off. Character action: Ethan fights back at Max laying out the scenarios he’ll never succeed.
Comedy: Numerous women continue to pursue Ethan as he’s an online sensation. Character action: Ethan messages back the overexuberant women attempting to letting them down easy.
Issues: Ethan doesn’t know how to handle the constant influx of women in his life. Character action: Ethan asks Albert to “cover” the influx by acting as his therapist to dissuade them.
Lily’s Dilemma: Lily must choose between blindly competing for Ethan’s affection without knowing the full truth or taking a step back to gain clarity. Both choices seem to risk her chance at genuine love. Character action: Lily works on an abstract painting of her and Ethan as she ponders her predicament.
Emotional Dilemma/Sacrifice: If Lily gives up on Ethan, she may lose a worthy relationship yet his shortcomings could cause further torment. (Negative Emotional Moment)
DEEPER LAYER: Ethan realizes he and Lily were meant for each other. All their actions were made for the purpose of solidifying their relationship. Character action: Ethan reaches out to Lily with a lyrical verse attempting to smooth out things. Character action: Lily communicates with Joey expressing contempt for her intrusion.
Ethan writes Lily a letter from the heart to salvage things. Character action: Ethan tries to use humor to get Lily’s trust back.
New plan: Ethan must confront Max and expose his deception to win Lily's heart. Character action: Ethan follows Max’s moves like an undercover detective trying to get filth.
Turning Point 2: Huge failure / Major shift: Lily breaks away from Ethan due to his supposed new online sexually charged persona. She receives the new letter but doesn’t open it. Character action: Lily stops working on the painting of her and Ethan.
Dilemma: Ethan is faced with two equally unacceptable choices: give up on love due to the chaos caused by Max and Joey, or confront Max and risk further humiliation. He feels he might lose Lily no matter what he does. Perhaps Albert’s the sounding board. Character action: Ethan asks Albert to help him sort out Lily’s reactions she may have at his reconquering chase.
Public Apology: Ethan stages a public apology to Lily at one of her art shows, using humor and vulnerability to win her back.
Artistic Confrontation: Lily confronts Ethan in a public space, like an art gallery, using her artwork to express her feelings and demand honesty from him.
Joey must decide whether to continue pursuing Ethan or support him in winning Lily’s heart. Joey is torn between their own feelings for Ethan and helping him reconcile with Lily.
Moral Issue: Joey reaches a major decision in her life as to what is right and wrong; that is help his relationship with Lily or continue to pursue a father figure for her children. (Negative Emotional Moment)

Act 4: Ethan and Lily reach understanding and move forward as a couple.
Joey steps back and helps Ethan confront Max, putting their own feelings aside for the greater good. This act of selflessness becomes Joey’s ultimate conflict resolution.
Courage: Joey finds the strength to help Ethan with the love of his life. (Positive Emotional Moment)
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Ethan confronts Max and exposes his manipulation, proving his love for Lily is genuine. Perhaps Ethan turns the tables on Max. Character action: Ethan creates a witty but damaging post that reveals Max as a major internet troll.
Live Stream Confrontation: Ethan live streams his confrontation with Max, using humor and cleverness to expose Max’s true nature in front of a wide audience.
The journey of love: Ethan and Lily truly fall for each other; they’re meant to be together. It happens consequently on Valentine’s Day. Character action: Ethan deletes all his social media accounts with the press of a few buttons in front of Lily. Character action: Lily raises her hand in victory feeling she now knows the real Ethan.
Success/Love: Ethan and Lily unite in true love overcoming emotional struggles and the negative forces in their lives. (Positive Emotional Moment)
Joey reunites with the father of her children given he’s found not guilty. They have a reconciliatory dinner on Valentine’s Day.
REVEAL: i) Ethan has been anonymously funding scholarships for foster children.
Symbolic Gesture: Lily symbolically gives Ethan a key to her studio, representing her opening up and trusting him with her heart.
Bonding: Lily solidifies her relationship with Ethan by giving him the key to her studio which means it is the gateway to her heart. (Positive Emotional Moment)
Resolution: Ethan and Lily embark on a genuine relationship, free from Max's influence. They go out on the town on Valentine’s Day. Character action: Ethan takes Lily to the first place he left one of his letters; where his writing journey began. Character action: Lily surprise Ethan with the completed painting; perhaps at the same place as where the letter was left.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James’ Reveals!

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…there are numerous heartfelt moments in the story that have a progressive buildup leading to poignant reveals. Comedy usually benefits with “heartstring” moments which are vitally and especially important in romantic comedies. It’s cool to see my script evolve into a fully fleshed out blueprint that still has additions and refinements remaining.

Act 1: Ethan wants to find true love by Valentine’s Day.
Opening: Introduce Ethan as a lovable but awkward bachelor, desperate to find love. He’s at a New Year’s party hoping his date shows up, but doesn’t. Character action: Ethan takes notes as he observes other couples smooch then gives them humorous complements on what he studied.
Ethan’s close friend, Albert, surprises him the next day and witnesses a depressed man. Albert suggests an online dating site given Ethan is a tech enthusiast and the analytical type. Character action: At first, Ethan politely rejects the idea, but then shows his wit by giving the suggestion a try.
Ethan gets several requests to meet from an interesting array of women; feels overwhelmed and chooses not to meet any of the women. Character action: Ethan politely refuses to engage with the array of women by sending them witty messages.
Inciting Incident: the success of the dating site causes Ethan to hire Joey, a tech genius, to bring order to his fortune; she’s hired for a short duration. He wants to find true love by Valentine’s Day (The Ticking Clock). Character action: Ethan politely evades questions about his past inquired by Joey. His mannerisms become awkward.
SETUP: a) Joey hints that she has many “members of her family” to take care of.
SETUP: f) Joey uses smooth language to make her case as a con would.
SETUP: g) Ethan refuses to talk about his upbringing with Joey.
SETUP: i) Ethan states he likes children.
Ethan and Joey work on his profile as she “maximizes” the algorithm. Character action: Ethan becomes enthralled with Joey’s work and displays his analytical trait by mentally calculating the chances of a successful algorithm.
SETUP: b) Ethan doesn’t feel comfortable putting his “life” out there on the internet.
Comedy: Ethan goes on multiple dates and meets women who are eccentric and some who are downright bizarre. Character action: Ethan offers awkward complements to hide his disillusionment with the dates. He offers chuckles as the women describe themselves.
The meet-cute: Ethan meets Lily and subtle sparks fly as they appear to hide an aspect of their lives. That said, they have an enjoyable time together. Character action: Ethan developed a preset of questions he asks Lily to make sure she’s not a psychopath. Character action: Lily reads Ethan a poem she specially wrote for their meetup.
SETUP: h) Lily is right on target with how Ethan likes to express himself.
SETUP: i) Ethan says he likes to take care of children.
SETUP: j) Lily avoids talking about her childhood.
DEEPER LAYER: Ethan has already found true love as Lily has been following his life through the letters he has left behind, but doesn’t know it yet.
REVEAL: b) Ethan has an apprehensive nature before entering relationships.
Turning Point 1: Ethan begins to question the authenticity of the connections he's making online, but believes he may have a future with Lily, one of the newfound potential prospects. Character action: Ethan gently criticizes Joey’s work because he feels most of the dates were unsuccessful. He offers witty scenarios as to why those relationships would never pan out.
SETUP: e) Lily tells Ethan she hates to lose as she recounts her victories in life.
Competitive Streak: Lily suggests a friendly competition in creating pottery or another art form during one of their dates, showcasing her competitive side.
SETUP: d) Lily shows Ethan her art studio with many works in progress.
Relationship set-up: Ethan wants to go on more dates with Lily. She’s the hope he has for his love life; he has a connection with her due to the following from one of his letters. Character action: Ethan makes his case to Joey using possible moments he’ll have with Lily.
DEEPER LAYER: Lily comes across as knowing Ethan well on their first few dates.

Act 2: Ethan wants to pursue Lily who could be the one.
New plan: Ethan seeks help from Joey to manage his online dating chaos; wants no more dates for now. Character action: Ethan sets up a probability test to see if he’ll have success with Lily.
Joey finds out that her children’s father who’s on trial may not be acquitted from felony charges.
REVEAL: a) Joey is actually separated looking for a father for her five kids.
SETUP: f) Joey comes across as desperate with her family in dire straits.
SETUP: i) Ethan feels compassion for Joey’s family, which may include children.
Writing Letters Back: Lily begins writing letters back to Ethan, mirroring his form of communication and deepening their connection.
SETUP: c) Max is introduced as a scheming ex who doesn’t take no for an answer.
The journey of love: Joey becomes more attracted to Ethan putting a wrench in his pursuit of Lily. Joey starts developing feelings for Ethan, creating a complex love triangle, and adding tension to their professional relationship. Character action: Ethan gives in to Joey’s advances as he calculates how they’ve arrived at this moment.
REVEAL: f) Joey is a con woman. She sets a plan to make Ethan hers.
Ethan goes on an all-day date with Lily. He learns more about her as she correctly “guesses” many details of his life. Character action: Ethan becomes enraptured with Lily’s accurate perception of him; his wittiness flows out as he’s totally comfortable with her. Character action: Lily wows Ethan with her own developed art.
SETUP: g) Ethan refuses to chat about his past much to Lily’s dismay.
REVEAL: d) Lily is a gifted artist.
Plan in action: Ethan begins to develop genuine feelings for Lily, a potential girlfriend. Character action: Ethan ironically enough writes Lily a letter, which is a bit awkward but best lets him convey his feelings for her. Character action: Lily playfully writes a letter of her own expressing her feelings towards him.
SETUP: j) Lily avoids discussing her past by focusing on the written letters.
Lily decides Ethan is better for her than Max. Max is the estranged and clinging ex who is very possessive; she asks him to get lost. Character actions: Lily confronts Max by belittling him sarcastically until he has no choice but to leave.
REVEAL: e) Lily is very competitive. She tells Max that his own competition for her is over.
Issues: Lily’s ex, Max, is still in her life as he refuses to let her go. He becomes an antagonist in Ethan’s quest for love. Max is manipulative and vengeful, using his tech skills to create chaos in Ethan’s life.
Midpoint Turning Point: Ethan's online escapades catch the attention of Max, an internet troll and Lily’s ex, who launches a smear campaign against him.
REVEAL: c) Max is an internet troll on a smear campaign against Ethan.
Separation: Lily catches Joey on top of Ethan in a heated moment; Lily now has distrust for Ethan as he attempts to explain. Character action: Ethan defuses the situation by humorously portraying this act with Joey and does not include a future as they’re not compatible; he puts everyone in an awkward state. Character action: Lily refuses to accept the apology from Ethan, yet she gives them her own verbal attack.

Act 3: Ethan must find a way for Lily to have total trust in him.
DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Lily tells Ethan she’s known about him for a while but wanted to make sure he’s the real man portrayed by his letters. Character action: Ethan implores Lily to give him another chance but comes across as reserving details from his past. Character action: Lily makes it clear that words cannot fix their relationship; more truth and substance is needed.
REVEAL: g) Ethan was shuffled from one foster family to the next as a child; abandoned at birth.
REVEAL: h) Lily has one of Ethan’s past letters. This is how she’s known about him.
REVEAL: j) Lily’s guarded nature stems from a deep-seated fear of rejection that goes beyond her father's abandonment. This is where Lily and Ethan bond because of their similar histories.
Rethink everything: Max reveals himself as the mastermind behind Ethan's new viral profile. Max confronts Ethan and tells him to back off. Character action: Ethan fights back at Max laying out the scenarios he’ll never succeed.
Comedy: Numerous women continue to pursue Ethan as he’s an online sensation. Character action: Ethan messages back the overexuberant women attempting to letting them down easy.
Issues: Ethan doesn’t know how to handle the constant influx of women in his life. Character action: Ethan asks Albert to “cover” the influx by acting as his therapist to dissuade them.
Lily’s Dilemma: Lily must choose between blindly competing for Ethan’s affection without knowing the full truth or taking a step back to gain clarity. Both choices seem to risk her chance at genuine love. Character action: Lily works on an abstract painting of her and Ethan as she ponders her predicament.
DEEPER LAYER: Ethan realizes he and Lily were meant for each other. All their actions were made for the purpose of solidifying their relationship. Character action: Ethan reaches out to Lily with a lyrical verse attempting to smooth out things. Character action: Lily communicates with Joey expressing contempt for her intrusion.
Ethan writes Lily a letter from the heart to salvage things. Character action: Ethan tries to use humor to get Lily’s trust back.
New plan: Ethan must confront Max and expose his deception to win Lily's heart. Character action: Ethan follows Max’s moves like an undercover detective trying to get filth.
Turning Point 2: Huge failure / Major shift: Lily breaks away from Ethan due to his supposed new online sexually charged persona. She receives the new letter but doesn’t open it. Character action: Lily stops working on the painting of her and Ethan.
Dilemma: Ethan is faced with two equally unacceptable choices: give up on love due to the chaos caused by Max and Joey or confront Max and risk further humiliation. He feels he might lose Lily no matter what he does. Perhaps Albert’s the sounding board. Character action: Ethan asks Albert to help him sort out Lily’s reactions she may have at his reconquering chase.
Public Apology: Ethan stages a public apology to Lily at one of her art shows, using humor and vulnerability to win her back.
Artistic Confrontation: Lily confronts Ethan in a public space, like an art gallery, using her artwork to express her feelings and demand honesty from him.
Joey must decide whether to continue pursuing Ethan or support him in winning Lily’s heart. Joey is torn between their own feelings for Ethan and helping him reconcile with Lily.

Act 4: Ethan and Lily reach understanding and move forward as a couple.
Joey steps back and helps Ethan confront Max, putting their own feelings aside for the greater good. This act of selflessness becomes Joey’s ultimate conflict resolution.
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Ethan confronts Max and exposes his manipulation, proving his love for Lily is genuine. Perhaps Ethan turns the tables on Max. Character action: Ethan creates a witty but damaging post that reveals Max as a major internet troll.
Live Stream Confrontation: Ethan live streams his confrontation with Max, using humor and cleverness to expose Max’s true nature in front of a wide audience.
The journey of love: Ethan and Lily truly fall for each other; they’re meant to be together. It happens consequently on Valentine’s Day. Character action: Ethan deletes all his social media accounts with the press of a few buttons in front of Lily. Character action: Lily raises her hand in victory feeling she now knows the real Ethan.
Joey reunites with the father of her children given he’s found not guilty. They have a reconciliatory dinner on Valentine’s Day.
REVEAL: i) Ethan has been anonymously funding scholarships for foster children.
Symbolic Gesture: Lily symbolically gives Ethan a key to her studio, representing her opening up and trusting him with her heart.
Resolution: Ethan and Lily embark on a genuine relationship, free from Max's influence. They go out on the town on Valentine’s Day. Character action: Ethan takes Lily to the first place he left one of his letters; where his writing journey began. Character action: Lily surprises Ethan with the completed painting; perhaps at the same place as where the letter was left.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James’ Character Action Tracks!

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…by first struggling with the character action process and then finally breaking through the scene possibilities were made more apparent. Sometimes generating ideas can become stagnant, but with AI the process is a matter of choosing and developing what’s most pertinent for the story; there should never be a block in the development process.

Act 1: Ethan wants to find true love by Valentine’s Day.
Opening: Introduce Ethan as a lovable but awkward bachelor, desperate to find love. He’s at a New Year’s party hoping his date shows up, but doesn’t. Character action: Ethan takes notes as he observes other couples smooch then gives them humorous complements on what he studied.
Ethan’s close friend, Albert, surprises him the next day and witnesses a depressed man. Albert suggests an online dating site given Ethan is a tech enthusiast and the analytical type. Character action: At first, Ethan politely rejects the idea, but then shows his wit by giving the suggestion a try.
Ethan gets several requests to meet from an interesting array of women; feels overwhelmed and chooses not to meet any of the women. Character action: Ethan politely refuses to engage with the array of women by sending them witty messages.
Inciting Incident: the success of the dating site causes Ethan to hire Joey, a tech genius, to bring order to his fortune; she’s hired for a short duration. He wants to find true love by Valentine’s Day (The Ticking Clock). Character action: Ethan politely evades questions about his past inquired by Joey. His mannerisms become awkward.
Ethan and Joey work on his profile as she “maximizes” the algorithm. Character action: Ethan becomes enthralled with Joey’s work and displays his analytical trait by mentally calculating the chances of a successful algorithm.
Comedy: Ethan goes on multiple dates and meets women who are eccentric and some who are downright bizarre. Character action: Ethan offers awkward complements to hide his disillusionment with the dates. He offers chuckles as the women describe themselves.
The meet-cute: Ethan meets Lily and subtle sparks fly as they appear to hide an aspect of their lives. That said, they have an enjoyable time together. Character action: Ethan developed a preset of questions he asks Lily to make sure she’s not a psychopath. Character action: Lily reads Ethan a poem she specially wrote for their meetup.
DEEPER LAYER: Ethan has already found true love as Lily has been following his life through the letters he has left behind, but doesn’t know it yet.
Turning Point 1: Ethan begins to question the authenticity of the connections he's making online, but believes he may have a future with Lily, one of the newfound potential prospects. Character action: Ethan gently criticizes Joey’s work because he feels most of the dates were unsuccessful. He offers witty scenarios as to why those relationships would never pan out.
Relationship set-up: Ethan wants to go on more dates with Lily. She’s the hope he has for his love life; he has a connection with her due to the following from one of his letters. Character action: Ethan makes his case to Joey using possible moments he’ll have with Lily.
DEEPER LAYER: Lily comes across as knowing Ethan well on their first few dates.

Act 2: Ethan wants to pursue Lily who could be the one.
New plan: Ethan seeks help from Joey to manage his online dating chaos; wants no more dates for now. Character action: Ethan sets up a probability test to see if he’ll have success with Lily.
Joey finds out that her children’s father who’s on trial may not be acquitted from felony charges.
The journey of love: Joey becomes more attracted to Ethan putting a wrench in his pursuit of Lily. Joey starts developing feelings for Ethan, creating a complex love triangle, and adding tension to their professional relationship. Character action: Ethan gives in to Joey’s advances as he calculates how they’ve arrived at this moment.
Ethan goes on an all-day date with Lily. He learns more about her as she correctly “guesses” many details of his life. Character action: Ethan becomes enraptured with Lily’s accurate perception of him; his wittiness flows out as he’s totally comfortable with her. Character action: Lily wows Ethan with her own develop art.
Plan in action: Ethan begins to develop genuine feelings for Lily, a potential girlfriend. Character action: Ethan ironically enough writes Lily a letter, which is a bit awkward but best lets him convey his feelings for her. Character action: Lily playfully writes a letter of her own expressing her feelings towards him.
Lily decides Ethan is better for her than Max. Max is the estranged and clinging ex who is very possessive; she asks him to get lost. Character actions: Lily confronts Max by belittling him sarcastically until he has no choice but to leave.
Issues: Lily’s ex, Max, is still in her life as he refuses to let her go. He becomes an antagonist in Ethan’s quest for love. Max is manipulative and vengeful, using his tech skills to create chaos in Ethan’s life.
Midpoint Turning Point: Ethan's online escapades catch the attention of Max, an internet troll and Lily’s ex, who launches a smear campaign against him.
Separation: Lily catches Joey on top of Ethan in a heated moment; Lily now has distrust for Ethan as he attempts to explain. Character action: Ethan defuses the situation by humorously portraying this act with Joey does not include a future as they’re not compatible; he puts everyone in an awkward state. Character action: Lily refuses to accept the apology from Ethan, yet she gives them her own verbal attack.

Act 3: Ethan must find a way for Lily to have total trust in him.
DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Lily tells Ethan she’s known about him for a while but wanted to make sure he’s the real man portrayed by his letters. Character action: Ethan implores Lily to give him another chance, but comes across as reserving details from his past. Character action: Lily makes it clear that words cannot fix their relationship; more truth and substance is needed.
Rethink everything: Max reveals himself as the mastermind behind Ethan's new viral profile. Max confronts Ethan and tells him to back off. Character action: Ethan fights back at Max laying out the scenarios he’ll never succeed.
Comedy: Numerous women continue to pursue Ethan as he’s an online sensation. Character action: Ethan messages back the overexuberant women attempting to letting them down easy.
Issues: Ethan doesn’t know how to handle the constant influx of women in his life. Character action: Ethan asks Albert to “cover” the influx by acting as his therapist to dissuade them.
Lily’s Dilemma: Lily must choose between blindly competing for Ethan’s affection without knowing the full truth or taking a step back to gain clarity. Both choices seem to risk her chance at genuine love. Character action: Lily works on an abstract painting of her and Ethan as she ponders her predicament.
DEEPER LAYER: Ethan realizes he and Lily were meant for each other. All their actions were made for the purpose of solidifying their relationship. Character action: Ethan reaches out to Lily with a lyrical verse attempting to smooth out things. Character action: Lily communicates with Joey expressing contempt for her intrusion.
Ethan writes Lily a letter from the heart to salvage things. Character action: Ethan tries to use humor to get Lily’s trust back.
New plan: Ethan must confront Max and expose his deception to win Lily's heart. Character action: Ethan follows Max’s moves like an undercover detective trying to get filth.
Turning Point 2: Huge failure / Major shift: Lily breaks away from Ethan due to his supposed new online sexually charged persona. She receives the new letter but doesn’t open it. Character action: Lily stops working on the painting of her and Ethan.
Dilemma: Ethan is faced with two equally unacceptable choices: give up on love due to the chaos caused by Max and Joey, or confront Max and risk further humiliation. He feels he might lose Lily no matter what he does. Perhaps Albert’s the sounding board. Character action: Ethan asks Albert to help him sort out Lily’s reactions she may have at his reconquering chase.
Joey must decide whether to continue pursuing Ethan or support him in winning Lily’s heart. Joey is torn between their own feelings for Ethan and helping him reconcile with Lily.

Act 4: Ethan and Lily reach understanding and move forward as a couple.
Joey steps back and helps Ethan confront Max, putting their own feelings aside for the greater good. This act of selflessness becomes Joey’s ultimate conflict resolution.
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Ethan confronts Max and exposes his manipulation, proving his love for Lily is genuine. Perhaps Ethan turns the tables on Max. Character action: Ethan creates a witty but damaging post that reveals Max as a major internet troll.
The journey of love: Ethan and Lily truly fall for each other; they’re meant to be together. It happens consequently on Valentine’s Day. Character action: Ethan deletes all his social media accounts with the press of a few buttons in front of Lily. Character action: Lily raises her hand in victory feeling she now knows the real Ethan.
Joey reunites with the father of her children given he’s found not guilty. They have a reconciliatory dinner on Valentine’s Day.
Resolution: Ethan and Lily embark on a genuine relationship, free from Max's influence. They go out on the town on Valentine’s Day. Character action: Ethan takes Lily to the first place he left one of his letters; where his writing journey began. Character action: Lily surprises Ethan with the completed painting; perhaps at the same place as where the letter was left.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James’ New Outline Beats!

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…by working on the plotting the storylines became clearer and they managed to serve the protagonist’s journey. I still have to mine further for the specific scenes that will link or connect the current beats.

Act 1: Ethan wants to find true love by Valentine’s Day.
Opening: Introduce Ethan as a lovable but awkward bachelor, desperate to find love. He’s at a New Year’s party hoping his date shows up, but doesn’t.
Ethan’s close friend, Albert, surprises him the next day and witnesses a depressed man. Albert suggests an online dating site given Ethan is a tech enthusiast and the analytical type.
Ethan gets several requests to meet from an interesting array of women; feels overwhelmed and chooses not to meet any of the women.
Inciting Incident: the success of the dating site causes Ethan to hire Joey, a tech genius, to bring order to his fortune; she’s hired for a short duration. He wants to find true love by Valentine’s Day (The Ticking Clock).
Ethan and Joey work on his profile as she “maximizes” the algorithm.
Comedy: Ethan goes on multiple dates and meets women who are eccentric and some who are downright bizarre.
The meet-cute: Ethan meets Lily and subtle sparks fly as they appear to hide an aspect of their lives. That said, they have an enjoyable time together.
DEEPER LAYER: Ethan has already found true love as Lily has been following his life through the letters he has left behind, but doesn’t know it yet.
Turning Point 1: Ethan begins to question the authenticity of the connections he's making online, but believes he may have a future with Lily, one of the newfound potential prospects.
Relationship set-up: Ethan wants to go on more dates with Lily. She’s the hope he has for his love life; he has a connection with her due to the following from one of his letters.
DEEPER LAYER: Lily comes across as knowing Ethan well on their first few dates.
Act 2: Ethan wants to pursue Lily who could be the one.
New plan: Ethan seeks help from Joey to manage his online dating chaos; wants no more dates for now.
Joey finds out that her children’s father who’s on trial may not be acquitted from felony charges.
The journey of love: Joey becomes more attracted to Ethan putting a wrench in his pursuit of Lily. Joey starts developing feelings for Ethan, creating a complex love triangle, and adding tension to their professional relationship.
Ethan goes on an all-day date with Lily. He learns more about her as she correctly “guesses” many details of his life.
Plan in action: Ethan begins to develop genuine feelings for Lily, a potential girlfriend.
Lily decides Ethan is better for her than Max. Max is the estranged and clinging ex who is very possessive; she asks him to get lost.
Issues: Lily’s ex, Max, is still in her life as he refuses to let her go. He becomes an antagonist in Ethan’s quest for love. Max is manipulative and vengeful, using his tech skills to create chaos in Ethan’s life.
Midpoint Turning Point: Ethan's online escapades catch the attention of Max, an internet troll and Lily’s ex, who launches a smear campaign against him.
Separation: Lily catches Joey on top of Ethan in a heated moment; Lily now has distrust for Ethan as he attempts to explain.
Act 3: Ethan must find a way for Lily to have total trust in him.
DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Lily tells Ethan she’s known about him for a while but wanted to make sure he’s the real man portrayed by his letters.
Rethink everything: Max reveals himself as the mastermind behind Ethan's new viral profile. Max confronts Ethan and tells him to back off.
Comedy: Numerous women continue to pursue Ethan as he’s an online sensation.
Issues: Ethan doesn’t know how to handle the constant influx of women in his life.
Lily’s Dilemma: Lily must choose between blindly competing for Ethan’s affection without knowing the full truth or taking a step back to gain clarity. Both choices seem to risk her chance at genuine love.
DEEPER LAYER: Ethan realizes he and Lily were meant for each other. All their actions were made for the purpose of solidifying their relationship.
Ethan writes Lily a letter from the heart to salvage things.
New plan: Ethan must confront Max and expose his deception to win Lily's heart.
Turning Point 2: Huge failure / Major shift: Lily breaks away from Ethan due to his supposed new online sexually charged persona. She receives the new letter but doesn’t open it.
Dilemma: Ethan is faced with two equally unacceptable choices: give up on love due to the chaos caused by Max and Joey, or confront Max and risk further humiliation. He feels he might lose Lily no matter what he does. Perhaps Albert’s the sounding board.
Joey must decide whether to continue pursuing Ethan or support him in winning Lily’s heart. Joey is torn between their own feelings for Ethan and helping him reconcile with Lily.
Act 4: Ethan and Lily reach understanding and move forward as a couple.
Joey steps back and helps Ethan confront Max, putting their own feelings aside for the greater good. This act of selflessness becomes Joey’s ultimate conflict resolution.
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Ethan confronts Max and exposes his manipulation, proving his love for Lily is genuine. Perhaps Ethan turns the tables on Max.
The journey of love: Ethan and Lily truly fall for each other; they’re meant to be together. It happens consequently on Valentine’s Day.
Joey reunites with the father of her children given he’s found not guilty. They have a reconciliatory dinner on Valentine’s Day.
Resolution: Ethan and Lily embark on a genuine relationship, free from Max's influence. They go out on the town on Valentine’s Day.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James’ Beat Sheet – Draft 1

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…the discovery of the deeper layer gave my story a meaningful twist. The love interest always knew about the protagonist’s life and due to her guardedness, she was testing him to make sure he’s authentic. This adds to the poignancy of the ending.

Act 1: Ethan wants to find true love by Valentine’s Day.
Opening: Introduce Ethan as a lovable but awkward bachelor, desperate to find love.
Inciting Incident: Ethan's family creates an online dating profile for him, leading to an influx of attention from potential suitors; this causes Ethan to hire Joey, a tech genius, to bring order to his fortune.
Comedy: Ethan goes on multiple dates and meets women who are eccentric and some who are downright bizarre.
The meet-cute: Ethan meets Lily and subtle sparks fly as they appear to hide an aspect of their lives. That said, they have an enjoyable time together.
DEEPER LAYER: Ethan has already found true love as Lily has been following his life through the letters he has left behind, but doesn’t know it yet.
Turning Point 1: Ethan begins to question the authenticity of the connections he's making online, but believes he may have a future with Lily, one of the newfound potential prospects.
Relationship set-up: Ethan wants to go on more dates with Lily. She’s the hope he has for his love life.
DEEPER LAYER: Lily comes across as knowing Ethan well on their first few dates.
Act 2: Ethan wants to pursue Lily who could be the one.
New plan: Ethan seeks help from Joey to manage his online dating chaos.
The journey of love: Joey becomes more attracted to Ethan putting a wrench in his pursuit of Lily. Joey starts developing feelings for Ethan, creating a complex love triangle, and adding tension to their professional relationship.
Plan in action: Ethan begins to develop genuine feelings for Lily, a potential girlfriend.
Lily decides Ethan is better for her than Max.
Issues: Lily’s ex, Max, is still in her life as he refuses to let her go. He becomes an antagonist in Ethan’s quest for love. Max is manipulative and vengeful, using his tech skills to create chaos in Ethan’s life.
Midpoint Turning Point: Ethan's online escapades catch the attention of Max, an internet troll and Lily’s ex, who launches a smear campaign against him.
Separation: Lily catches Joey on top of Ethan in a heated moment; Lily now has distrust for Ethan as he attempts to explain.
Act 3: Ethan must find a way for Lily to have total trust in him.
DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Lily tells Ethan she’s known about him for a while but wanted to make sure he’s the real man portrayed by his letters.
Rethink everything: Max reveals himself as the mastermind behind Ethan's new viral profile.
Comedy: Numerous women continue to pursue Ethan as he’s an online sensation.
Issues: Ethan doesn’t know how to handle the constant influx of women in his life.
Lily’s Dilemma: Lily must choose between blindly competing for Ethan’s affection without knowing the full truth or taking a step back to gain clarity. Both choices seem to risk her chance at genuine love.
DEEPER LAYER: Ethan realizes he and Lily were meant for each other. All their actions were made for the purpose of solidifying their relationship.
New plan: Ethan must confront Max and expose his deception to win Lily's heart.
Turning Point 2: Huge failure / Major shift: Lily breaks away from Ethan due to his supposed new online sexually charged persona.
Dilemma: Ethan is faced with two equally unacceptable choices: give up on love due to the chaos caused by Max and Joey, or confront Max and risk further humiliation. He feels he might lose Lily no matter what he does.
Joey must decide whether to continue pursuing Ethan or support him in winning Lily’s heart. Joey is torn between their own feelings for Ethan and helping him reconcile with Lily.
Act 4: Ethan and Lily reach understanding and move forward as a couple.
Joey steps back and helps Ethan confront Max, putting their own feelings aside for the greater good. This act of selflessness becomes Joey’s ultimate conflict resolution.
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Ethan confronts Max and exposes his manipulation, proving his love for Lily is genuine.
The journey of love: Ethan and Lily truly fall for each other; they’re meant to be together.
Joey reunites with the father of her children given he’s found not guilty.
Resolution: Ethan and Lily embark on a genuine relationship, free from Max's influence.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James’ Deeper Layer!

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…the discovery of a deeper layer that has both romantic leads sharing similar histories, which unites them once these aspects of their pasts surface. It’s fascinating how the AI prompt reinforced the ideas I was already considering but presented them as a form of additional support for the story.

The “Deeper Layer” puzzle:
• Surface Layer: Ethan wants to find true love by Valentine’s Day.
• Deeper Layer: Ethan has already found true love as Lily has been following his life through the letters he has left behind.
• Major Reveal: Lily tells Ethan she’s known about him for a while but wanted to make sure he’s the real man portrayed by his letters.
• Influences Surface Story: Once Lily meets Ethan in person, she wants to get to know him better. Lily is affected by Joey’s advance on Ethan, which brings up doubts that he can be trusted.
• Hints: Lily comes across as knowing Ethan well on their first date. Ethan’s letters are left everywhere he visits.
• Changes Reality: Once Ethan discovers Lily has been a follower of his, we realize they were meant for each other. All their actions were made for the purpose of solidifying their relationship.

Structure with Deeper Layer:

• Beginning: Ethan is introduced as a lonely bachelor on New Year’s Eve.
• Inciting Incident: Ethan decides to have a dating site find his true love with the help of a computer genius.
• Turning Point 1: Ethan finds himself immensely attracted to Lily and would like to pursue her.
• Act 2: Ethan and Lily run into problems as her ex resurfaces and his life gets bombarded by a rush of suitors.
• Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Lily catches Ethan and Joey in a compromising position which a deep rift in the relationship.
• Act 3: Lily reveals to Ethan she’s been following him for a while and wanted to make sure he’s the person portrayed in the letters.
• Turning Point 3: Ethan must set things straight to prove to Lily he’s a good man with likewise intentions.
• Act 4 Climax: Ethan confronts Max whose been sabotaging the relationship and wins Lily’s heart.
• Resolution: Ethan and Lily unite in understanding leading to budding romance.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James’ Character Structure

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…my story is becoming more fleshed out as the storylines of not only my lead characters are surfacing due to the AI prompt’s assistance. Now the specific scenes are emerging which lets me see with more clarity the story as a whole.

Ethan’s Character Structure:
• Beginning: Ethan is introduced as a bit awkward, analytical, and reserved.
• Inciting Incident: Joey enters Ethan’s life and becomes his algorithm chief.
• Turning Point 1: Ethan begins to question the authenticity of the connections he's making online, but believes he may have a future with Lily.
• Act 2: Ethan seeks help from Joey to manage his online dating chaos.
• Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Ethan's online escapades catch the attention of Max, an internet troll and Lily’s ex, who launches a smear campaign against him.
• Act 3: Ethan must confront Max and expose his deception to win Lily's heart.
• Turning Point 3: Lily breaks away from Ethan due to his supposed new online sexually charged persona.
• Act 4 Climax: Ethan confronts Max and exposes his manipulation, proving his love for Lily is genuine.
• Resolution: Ethan and Lily embark on a genuine relationship, free from Max's influence.

Lily’s Character Structure:
• Beginning: Lily’s been in a toxic relationship with Max.
• Inciting Incident: Lily meets Ethan and they gel immediately.
• Turning Point 1: Max creeps his way back into Lily’s life.
• Act 2: Lily decides Ethan is better for her than Max.
• Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Lily catches Ethan in a compromising position with Joey.
• Act 3: Lily reevaluates her life as all options appear dire for her love life.
• Turning Point 3: Max is determined to ruin Lily’s chances with Ethan.
• Act 4 Climax: Lily has Ethan prove his genuine affection to her.
• Resolution: Ethan and Lily embark on a genuine relationship, free from Max's influence.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James’ Supporting Characters

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned doing this assignment is…that I presently have a small universe of characters, yet my story implicates a larger scope. Therefore, I’ll need to discover characters I may need to fulfill the initial premise. A premise that includes online dating, selection of suitors, and the world of the internet with all its hijinks.

• Supporting Characters: Max, Lupe
• Background Characters: Bar patrons, Ethan’s first dates, partygoers

Support 1:
• Name: Max
• Role: Lily’s ex
• Main purpose: Max interferes in Ethan and Lily’s relationship
• Value: Max creates stakes in the story as Ethan and Lily’s future together is tested.
Support 2:
• Name: Lupe
• Role: Joey’s aunt
• Main purpose: Lupe keeps Joey updated on her husband’s trial proceedings.
• Value: Lupe is the only person Joey will consider listening to in terms of how to stay even keeled and be reasoned with.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James’ Character Profiles Part 2

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…that my characters’ traits are becoming more vivid by which there are specific scenes emerging showing their insecurities and actions. They are becoming multidimensional allowing the story to be built around the established 4 act structure. Having possible scenes surface along with specific pieces of dialogue lets me know the story has legs, which will serve the outline completion phase.

Ethan – male lead character
• A. The High Concept: An aging bachelor starts to fall for the computer genius who’s hired to help him find his love match through an algorithm by Valentine’s Day.
• B. This character’s journey: Ethan goes from a lonely aging bachelor to an emotionally fulfilled man with a potential soulmate.
• C. The Actor Attractors for this character:
• Known for Role: This role offers the opportunity for an actor to showcase a range of emotions, from skepticism and cynicism to vulnerability and charm.
• Most Interesting Character: Ethan's internal conflict between his reliance on technology and his desire for genuine connection makes him compelling. Audiences will root for his transformation from a skeptic to a romantic.
• Interesting Actions: Ethan could embark on a series of humorous yet heartfelt attempts at classic romantic gestures, like writing love letters or serenading his love interest.
• Introduction: Ethan could be introduced in a scene where he meticulously analyzes his dating app data, highlighting his analytical nature and his detachment from traditional romance.
• Emotional Range: Ethan experiences a wide emotional range, from frustration and loneliness to hope and elation as he navigates the complexities of love.
• Subtext: Beneath Ethan's skepticism lies a deep longing for love and connection, which the actor can subtly convey through gestures and expressions.
• Interesting Relationships: Ethan's most interesting relationship is with Lily, as their contrasting views on love create sparks and challenge each other's beliefs.
• Unique Voice: Ethan's unique voice is a blend of dry wit and vulnerability, reflecting his struggle to balance rationality with emotion.
• Special: Ethan's charm lies in his awkwardness and authenticity, making him endearing to audiences rooting for his romantic success.

• 7. Character Subtext: Subtext Identity: Hopeless Romantic
• Subtext Trait: Hiding vulnerability
• Subtext Logline: Ethan is a hopeless romantic who hides his vulnerability behind a facade of skepticism, afraid to admit his deep longing for love.
• 8. Character Intrigue: Unspoken Wound: he avoids discussing moving from home to home in the foster care system.
• 9. Flaw: does not take risks to stay in his comfort zone (his identity)
• 10. Values: duty to his work (profession)
• 11. Character Dilemma: being vulnerable vs. not opening up to love

Lily – Love interest
• A. The High Concept: An aging bachelor starts to fall for the computer genius who’s hired to help him find his love match through an algorithm by Valentine’s Day.
• B. This character’s journey: Lily goes from a competitive perfectionist to finding the man who will best fulfill her emotionally.
• C. The Actor Attractors for this character:
• Known for Role: This role offers the opportunity for an actor to portray a strong, independent woman with layers of vulnerability and complexity.
• Most Interesting Character: Lily’s journey from a guarded skeptic to someone willing to open her heart again provides depth to the story. Her intelligence and emotional depth make her a captivating character.
• Interesting Actions: Lily could have scenes where she dismantles Ethan’s algorithmic approach to love with witty banter and unexpected gestures, showcasing her independence and defiance.
• Introduction: Lily could be introduced in a scene where she effortlessly solves a complex coding problem, establishing her brilliance and independence.
• Emotional Range: Lily’s emotional range spans from guarded skepticism to vulnerability and eventual openness to love.
• Subtext: Beneath Lily’s tough exterior lies a fear of getting hurt again, which the actor can convey through subtle gestures and guarded expressions.
• Interesting Relationships: Lily’s most interesting relationship is with Ethan, as their dynamic challenges both characters to grow and evolve.
• Unique Voice: Lily’s unique voice is confident and assertive, with moments of vulnerability that reveal her inner struggles.
• Special: Lily’s uniqueness stems from her intelligence and independence, making her a strong female character who defies romantic stereotypes.

• 7. Character Subtext: Subtext Identity: Fearful Survivor
• Subtext Trait: Guardedness
• Subtext Logline: Lily is a fearful survivor who guards her heart closely, afraid to let anyone see her vulnerabilities after past heartbreaks.
• 8. Character Intrigue: she’s in a competition to make Ethan hers, but doesn’t know the full truth about him.
• 9. Flaw: poor decision-making due to not knowing the complete truth.
• 10. Values: family
• 11. Character Dilemma: blind competition versus gaining all the facts

Joey – Triangle character
• A. The High Concept: An aging bachelor starts to fall for the computer genius who’s hired to help him find his love match through an algorithm by Valentine’s Day.
• B. This character’s journey: Joey goes from a con woman to a person who can be trusted and able to relieve the worries of others.
• C. The Actor Attractors for this character:
• Known for Role: This role offers the opportunity for an actor to portray a quirky and mischievous character with a heart of gold.
• Most Interesting Character: Joey’s role as the orchestrator of the love triangle adds humor and tension to the story. Her journey from manipulation to authenticity provides a compelling arc.
• Interesting Actions: Joey could have scenes where she ingeniously manipulates Ethan’s dates while grappling with her growing feelings for him, leading to comedic misunderstandings and heartfelt moments.
• Introduction: Joey could be introduced in a scene where she hacks into Ethan’s dating profile with playful ease, establishing her brilliance and mischievous nature.
• Emotional Range: Joey’s emotional range includes humor, mischief, guilt, and ultimately, genuine affection for Ethan.
• Subtext: Beneath Joey’s playful façade lies a desire for genuine connection and acceptance, which the actor can convey through subtle moments of vulnerability.
• Interesting Relationships: Joey’s most interesting relationship is with Ethan, as her schemes challenge his beliefs about love and drive the story’s conflict.
• Unique Voice: Joey’s unique voice is quirky and irreverent, with a comedic flair that adds levity to the story.

• 7. Character Subtext: Subtext Identity: Mischievous Seeker
• Subtext Trait: Withholding true feelings
• Subtext Logline: Joey is a mischievous seeker who withholds her true feelings, afraid to reveal her genuine affection for Ethan amidst her playful schemes.
• 8. Character Intrigue: she has a hidden agenda to have Ethan be the father of her ten children achieved through deception and scheming.
• 9. Flaw: cannot face problems head-on.
• 10. Values: providing for her children.
• 11. Character Dilemma: being honest versus constantly scheming

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James’ Character Profiles Part 1

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…that I’m still not close to having three dimensional characters. Yet I’m seeing the various possibilities for my lead characters. I will have to pick and choose what profile options conceived with AI will best serve the story; staying true and consistent with the concept.

Ethan – male lead character
• A. The High Concept: An aging bachelor starts to fall for the computer genius who’s hired to help him find his love match through an algorithm by Valentine’s Day.
• B. This character’s journey: Ethan goes from a lonely aging bachelor to an emotionally fulfilled man with a potential soulmate.
• C. The Actor Attractors for this character:
• Known for Role: This role offers the opportunity for an actor to showcase a range of emotions, from skepticism and cynicism to vulnerability and charm.
• Most Interesting Character: Ethan's internal conflict between his reliance on technology and his desire for genuine connection makes him compelling. Audiences will root for his transformation from a skeptic to a romantic.
• Interesting Actions: Ethan could embark on a series of humorous yet heartfelt attempts at classic romantic gestures, like writing love letters or serenading his love interest.
• Introduction: Ethan could be introduced in a scene where he meticulously analyzes his dating app data, highlighting his analytical nature and his detachment from traditional romance.
• Emotional Range: Ethan experiences a wide emotional range, from frustration and loneliness to hope and elation as he navigates the complexities of love.
• Subtext: Beneath Ethan's skepticism lies a deep longing for love and connection, which the actor can subtly convey through gestures and expressions.
• Interesting Relationships: Ethan's most interesting relationship is with Lily, as their contrasting views on love create sparks and challenge each other's beliefs.
• Unique Voice: Ethan's unique voice is a blend of dry wit and vulnerability, reflecting his struggle to balance rationality with emotion.
• Special: Ethan's charm lies in his awkwardness and authenticity, making him endearing to audiences rooting for his romantic success.

1. Role in the Story: Protagonist
2. Age range and Description: 40s. lonely with lots of love to give.
3. Core Traits: analytical, polite (to hide wound),
4. Motivation; Want/Need: Wants to find true love. Needs to be vulnerable in his quest.
5. Wound: Ethan harbors a deep-seated fear of intimacy, stemming from a childhood spent moving from one foster home to another. His turbulent upbringing left him with a profound sense of abandonment and a reluctance to let anyone get too close. As a result, he struggles to form genuine connections with others, sabotaging his chances at love until he confronts his fear and learns to trust in the power of vulnerability.
6. Likability: Ethan is appreciated by an elderly man at the New Year’s Eve party. Many party revelers wish him well for the new year ahead.
Relatability: Ethan is alone at the party and not too happy. Anxiety builds as the night appears to be a total waste.
Empathy: Ethan’s supposed date was never going to show up; stood up on New Year’s Eve. He witnesses others smooching with their dates; decides to go home shortly after midnight.

Lily – Love interest
• A. The High Concept: An aging bachelor starts to fall for the computer genius who’s hired to help him find his love match through an algorithm by Valentine’s Day.
• B. This character’s journey: Lily goes from a competitive perfectionist to finding the man who will best fulfill her emotionally.
• C. The Actor Attractors for this character:
• Known for Role: This role offers the opportunity for an actor to portray a strong, independent woman with layers of vulnerability and complexity.
• Most Interesting Character: Lily’s journey from a guarded skeptic to someone willing to open her heart again provides depth to the story. Her intelligence and emotional depth make her a captivating character.
• Interesting Actions: Lily could have scenes where she dismantles Ethan’s algorithmic approach to love with witty banter and unexpected gestures, showcasing her independence and defiance.
• Introduction: Lily could be introduced in a scene where she effortlessly solves a complex coding problem, establishing her brilliance and independence.
• Emotional Range: Lily’s emotional range spans from guarded skepticism to vulnerability and eventual openness to love.
• Subtext: Beneath Lily’s tough exterior lies a fear of getting hurt again, which the actor can convey through subtle gestures and guarded expressions.
• Interesting Relationships: Lily’s most interesting relationship is with Ethan, as their dynamic challenges both characters to grow and evolve.
• Unique Voice: Lily’s unique voice is confident and assertive, with moments of vulnerability that reveal her inner struggles.
• Special: Lily’s uniqueness stems from her intelligence and independence, making her a strong female character who defies romantic stereotypes.

1. Role in the Story: Love interest
2. Age range and Description: late 20s.
3. Core Traits: competitive, artistic
4. Motivation; Want/Need: Wants to have her own family. Needs to embrace imperfection.
5. Wound: Lily’s father left her mother pregnant and vanished.
6. Likability: Lily gives Ethan a gift she made at one of her pottery sessions.
Relatability: She feels threatened in her relationship with Ethan when it is learned Joey is pursuing him.
Empathy: She catches Ethan and Joey in a compromising position; now she believes she’ll never find the love of her life no matter how hard she tries.

Joey – Triangle character
• A. The High Concept: An aging bachelor starts to fall for the computer genius who’s hired to help him find his love match through an algorithm by Valentine’s Day.
• B. This character’s journey: Joey goes from a con woman to a person who can be trusted and able to relieve the worries of others.
• C. The Actor Attractors for this character:
• Known for Role: This role offers the opportunity for an actor to portray a quirky and mischievous character with a heart of gold.
• Most Interesting Character: Joey’s role as the orchestrator of the love triangle adds humor and tension to the story. Her journey from manipulation to authenticity provides a compelling arc.
• Interesting Actions: Joey could have scenes where she ingeniously manipulates Ethan’s dates while grappling with her growing feelings for him, leading to comedic misunderstandings and heartfelt moments.
• Introduction: Joey could be introduced in a scene where she hacks into Ethan’s dating profile with playful ease, establishing her brilliance and mischievous nature.
• Emotional Range: Joey’s emotional range includes humor, mischief, guilt, and ultimately, genuine affection for Ethan.
• Subtext: Beneath Joey’s playful façade lies a desire for genuine connection and acceptance, which the actor can convey through subtle moments of vulnerability.
• Interesting Relationships: Joey’s most interesting relationship is with Ethan, as her schemes challenge his beliefs about love and drive the story’s conflict.
• Unique Voice: Joey’s unique voice is quirky and irreverent, with a comedic flair that adds levity to the story.

1. Role in the Story: Triangle character
2. Age range and Description: 50s. An attractive guru who still has passion in the oven.
3. Core Traits: opportunistic, compassionate,
4. Motivation; Want/Need: Wants a man (father) for her grown children. Needs to use her talents to make a better life for herself and her family.
5. Wound: Did not spend sufficient time with her immediate family growing up.
6. Likability: Joey comes across as helpful and knowledgeable.
Relatability: Joey feels the pressure to provide for her children.
Empathy: The father of Joey’s children is on trial and there’s the chance he gets convicted placing more dire consequences on her shoulders.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James’ Likability/Relatability/Empathy
My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…that every scene should have the characters connecting to the audience on some level. Once the audience loses a connection, the story will most likely falter and become less engaging.

Brainstorm one or more ways you can present your Protagonist (Ethan – male lead) through each of these:
• Likability: Ethan is appreciated by an elderly man at the New Year’s Eve party. Many party revelers wish him well for the new year ahead.
• Relatability: Ethan is alone at the party and not too happy. Anxiety builds as the night appears to be a total waste.
• Empathy: Ethan’s supposed date was never going to show up; stood up on New Year’s Eve. He witnesses others smooching with their dates; decides to go home shortly after midnight.

Give us one or more ways that your Antagonist (Lily – love interest) could be presented through each of these:
• Likability: Lily gives Ethan a gift she made at one of her pottery sessions.
• Relatability: She feels threatened in her relationship with Ethan when it is learned Joey is pursuing him.
• Empathy: She catches Ethan and Joey in a compromising position; now she believes she’ll never find the love of her life no matter how hard she tries.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James’ Character Intrigue
My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…my characters have much more depth than I realized. This is most likely because I’m getting to know them better; they are “talking” to me and I’m closely listening. Anything that adds complexity to a character would entice and challenge a potential actor for the role.

• Character Name: Ethan
• Role: Protagonist
• Unspoken Wound: He never got over losing his teddy bear, which affects him when entering relationships.
• This intriguing layer may show sub textually when he gets closer to Lily and Joey. His fear of loss could hinder his progress made in the relationships. Whenever he sees stuffed animals, he cringes as memories resurface. There’s always topics of conversations he veers from to avoid explaining this personal wound.

• Character Name: Lily
• Role: Love interest
• Competition: She becomes enthralled in making Ethan hers and keeping him away from Joey.
• Deception: She creates misinterpretations about Joey to keep him wary.
• This intriguing layer may show up sub textually when Lily accuses Joey of sending Ethan a stuffed animal knowing he’ll be bothered by the gesture. She has numerous beauty parlor appointments to make herself more enticing for him; this is something she would not normally do.

• Character Name: Joey
• Role: Triangle character
• Hidden agendas: She has a plan to make Ethan hers to provide security for her family.
• Competition: She’s in a battle with Lily for Ethan.
• Secret Identity: Con woman
• This intriguing layer may show up sub textually by having Joey present a needy persona who would make any man happy. She would lie to keep her hidden agenda protected and risk being outed by Ethan through their lustful moments.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James’ Subtext Characters
My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…my lead characters will be more interesting because they’ll have goals or wants in every scene that’ll do battle with one another; not with violence, but with a mental game of wits. This creates forward narrative momentum culminating with the climax.

• Movie Title: Forgetting Sarah Marshall
• Character Name: Peter Bretter
• Subtext Identity: The victim
• Subtext Trait: Concealing
• Subtext Logline: Peter is a victim of love who conceals his true feelings from most.
• Possible Areas of Subtext: is afraid to love again, feels embarrassed to talk about his love life, is cautious with new relationships, is afraid to commit to someone new, is cumbersome in revealing how he feels, struggles to break out of a loveless funk.

• Character Name: Ethan
• Subtext Identity: The loveless victim
• Subtext Trait: Polite (evasive)
• Subtext Logline: Ethan is a loveless victim who evades intimate scenarios.
• Possible Areas of Subtext: he searches for the perfect woman, feels pressure to succeed in love, his past intimacy surfaces causing problems with current dates, commitment is nerve wracking

• Character Name: Lily
• Subtext Identity: Competitor
• Subtext Trait: Conniving
• Subtext Logline: Lily is a competitor in the game of love who’s conniving to get what she wants.
• Possible Areas of Subtext: she’s constantly on the prowl for a soulmate, never likes to come in second place, welcomes challenges from other women, may have difficulty transforming into a noble person, will she find genuine love, has problems showing her warm side

• Character Name: Joey
• Subtext Identity: The con woman
• Subtext Trait: Crafty
• Subtext Logline: Joey is a con woman who’s crafty in getting what she wants.
• Possible Areas of Subtext: she jumps at the opportunity to con Ethan, covertly plots against Lily, hides her real family from Ethan, ultimately seduces Ethan to gain his confidence, attempts to cover her tracks from authorities, maintains a constant façade, evades investigative questions

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James’ Actor Attractors for Forgetting Sarah Marshall
My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.
What I learned from doing this assignment is…that my quest in screenwriting should be about catapulting actors’ careers into stardom. This goal should be present in every screenplay I write, which would offer me the opportunity to possibly have longevity.

Movie Title: Forgetting Sarah Marshall (Romantic Comedy)
Lead Character Name: Peter Bretter – male protagonist
1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?
This lead role would give an actor the showcase to display his acting range from dramatic to comedic.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?
This character is one of the most interesting because the emotional stakes are always present throughout the story. There’s the constant roller coaster of happy and challenging moments.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?
The interesting actions taken in the movie include surfing in Hawaii, engage with attractive women, gets to play the piano, and act out hilarious scenes.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?
This actor is introduced as a talented musician/songwriter who hasn’t gotten his shot in the theatrical limelight yet. The introduction shows a man who knows he has aspirations, but fortune has not come his way.

5. What is this character’s emotional range?
The emotional range goes from contentment/delight to emotional pain to pleasure to conflicted to happily in love.

6. What subtext can the actor play?
The subtext the actor can play include showing calm when he actually wants to burst, being polite when he’s actually frustrated his ex is with a new man, reserved when he feels the emotions of falling for the new woman in his life, and on occasions hides his pain around others.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?
This character’s interesting relationships include being involved with two women at the same Hawaiian resort and with various eccentric characters working there.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?
The character’s voice is presented as witty, observant, and thoughtful. These traits are clear with the other characters interactions.

9. What makes this character special and unique?
This character is special and unique by which he takes his broken heart and turns his pain into music that was motivated by the new love of his life.

10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)
Peter has a scene with his new love interest at a bar where she motivates him to play a tune from a musical, he’s been ideating for some time. This moment displays his voice, emotional range, and the special heart he has in the story.

Lead Character Name: Sarah Marshall – female antagonist
1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?
The actress would want to be known for this role because her emotional range would be on display; not only for comedic moments, but for poignant scenes. Also, her character is in the title of the movie.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?
This character is most interesting by which she goes through emotional swings through various situations. She also has much of the stakes in the story making her a vital character.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?
The most interesting actions she takes include the varying sex positions in an attempt to make her ex jealous. More so, there’s a drinking scene where she’s the focus of attention with a comedic tone.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?
This character is introduced as a TV star making her play another persona within the story.

5. What is this character’s emotional range?
The emotional range goes from confident to melancholy to frustrated to elated to desperate to content.

6. What subtext can the actor play?
The subtext played by the actress include being polite as she hides her real reasons for breaking up. She says witting dialogue, but is furious inside as she sits with her ex and his new love.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?
The most interesting relationships she has is with her ex and her new lover. And amid the romantic chaos, she develops a contentious relationship with her ex’s love interest.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?
Her unique voice is presented as reserved and calculating; she avoids conflict as much as possible.

9. What makes this character special and unique?
This character is special and unique by which she portrays an attractive actress trying to keep her emotions together while juggling relationships with two men.

10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)
A scene that shows the various actor attractor elements is when she attempts to reconcile with her ex. She flows through many feelings showcasing her emotional range from dramatic to comedic. And in the process, takes actions that are hilariously consistent with her character.

Lead Character Name: Rachel Jansen – new love interest
1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?
The actress would want to be known for this role because she would get to play out many emotions and serve as a likable love interest with many comedic moments.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?
She is one of the most interesting characters because her range fluctuates from scene to scene.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?
This character gets to jump off a cliff, have sexual situations with the male lead, and participate in hilarious moments in a bar, restaurant, and beach.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?
This character is introduced as a caring resort receptionist who’s subtly attractive to the male lead.

5. What is this character’s emotional range?
Her emotional range goes from helpful to seductive to supportive to lover to disillusioned to the lead’s new love.

6. What subtext can the actor play?
The subtext she plays includes being polite not showing that she’s curious about the lead’s life. She says witty dialogue while protecting her relationship with the lead.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?
The interesting relationships she has is with the lead and the number of resort workers who have their own humorous distinctions.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?
Her unique voice is presented as always being supportive as the lead finds his way through the emotional mess in the story.

9. What makes this character special and unique?
This character is special and unique by which she shows that a simple resort receptionist can have a major impact in a person’s life achieved through constant support and care.

10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)
A scene with many of the actor attractors is showcased when she surprises and encourages him at a bar compelling him to perform the musical number he’s been working on. Her essence and traits are fully displayed in this scene.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James’ Actor Attractors!
My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.
What I learned from doing this assignment is…that I still need to find the special and unique for my lead characters. This is an important component of the Actor Attractors as it will inform and complete the characters’ requirements for appealing to name talent. AI gave me a few ideas that I will consider applying to the script.

Lead Character Name: Ethan
Role: Protagonist (aging bachelor)

1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
The role expresses what many men advancing in age experience and is showed through comedy.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
This character is most interesting because he confronts and reconciles growing old in courageous manner.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
This character’s interesting actions could include pursuing younger women, testing his manhood, overcoming difficulties due to aging, and improving his masculinity.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
The introduction for this role could show Ethan struggling with being happy at a New Year’s Eve party. Every move he makes has him more desperate in finding a soulmate.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range?
The emotional range can from depressed to courageous to defeated to humorous to fortitude.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
The subtext played could include not showing the desperate state he’s in to the other characters.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
Ethan has a developing love relationship with Lily. And simultaneously, the attraction between him and Joey intensifies causing havoc for everyone.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
Ethan’s voice could be presented as witty, calculating, and defeated. His actions could be presented through exaggerated masculinity.
9. What could make this character special and unique?
This character could be the model aging men can emulate to overcome the challenges of growing old. This can present a playbook that aging men draw from to persevere.

Lead Character Name: Lily
Role: Love interest (reconciling past issues)

1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
The role for this actress would showcase her range of emotions that will hopefully impact the audience.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
This character is one of the most interesting because there will be humor and heartfelt moments for the actress to play.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
The lead actress’ interesting actions could include holding her emotions inside and conversely, participate in outrageous antics to win over the male lead’s attention.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
I could introduce this role by having her in the middle of an action displaying her traits; more discovery needed here.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range?
The emotional range could go from elation to trepidation to relief to potential heartbreak to happiness.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
This actress could hide her true feelings for the male lead through being polite. She could also have a hidden agenda as she competes with the other female in the story.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
This actress could have interesting relationships with two men, a past fling and a current flame. Also, she could have a relationship with her mother. And a rivalry with the other female character.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
Her voice would be articulate and precise to what she wants to accomplish in the story.
9. What could make this character special and unique?
She could be fluent in many languages, thus having men of various ethnicities find her attractive; more discovery needed here.

Lead Character Name: Joey
Role: Connecting character (unexpected love entanglement)

1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
The role would require a comedic and sex appeal qualities fused together.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
This character is most interesting in that she must balance a double life; she presents a façade and covers her real life.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
The most interesting actions she takes could include sabotaging the lead male’s online profile, fighting the other female lead for the aging bachelor’s attention, and hide her real life through eccentric antics.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
This female lead could be introduced as a genius computer geek, yet is perceived to be not what she appears; more discovery needed here.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range?
The emotional range could go from cordial to meddling to lustful attraction to defensive to friendship.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
The subtext could be hiding her real life from the male lead by being polite. She could plot against the female love interest through underhanded schemes.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
The most interesting relationships could include one with the male lead as there’s a physical attraction. She could have a contentious battle with the other female lead. And, a relationship with her mother who is taking care of the kids.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
Her unique voice could be presented as educated but with a scheming sense; more discovery needed here.
9. What could make this character special and unique?
This character could be special and unique as she’s very educated but believes her real life must be hidden to protect her interests; more discovery needed here.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James’ Genre Conventions
My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.
What I learned from doing this assignment is…I have more set pieces than originally thought which were brought out after building in the genre conventions. This not only adds more pertinent scenes, but focuses the storylines better. Character motivations and their subtext are becoming more apparent; the story is revealing itself.

• Title: My Valentine’s Day Algorithm
• Concept: An aging bachelor starts to fall for the computer genius who’s hired to help him find his love match through an algorithm by Valentine’s Day.
• Genre: Romantic Comedy
Romantic Comedy Genre Conventions:
PURPOSE: To have the audience experience falling in love again.
THE JOURNEY OF LOVE: Two people go from their “cute-meet” to denial of
love to overwhelming attraction to breaking up over differences to finally
reuniting and experiencing the love of their life.
RELATIONSHIP SET-UP: From the moment of the “cute-meet." we see the
romantic future for the couple, even if they refuse to believe it.
ISSUES: Each person has an internal personal issue that must be resolved
for them to truly be together. This requires personal growth for them to
become a couple.
SEPARATION: Either physically or because of a specific situation,
something keeps this couple apart. It is this separation that causes the
audience to yearn for them to come together.
COMEDY: Relationship and personal issues are dealt with through humor.
Act 1:
• Opening: Ethan's unsuccessful attempts at love are highlighted through a series of humorous and relatable dating mishaps, endearing him to the audience.
• Inciting Incident: Ethan's family, concerned for his love life, stages an intervention by creating an exaggerated online dating profile for him, leading to an influx of comically unsuitable suitors.
• Turning Point: Frustrated by the chaos, Ethan reluctantly hires Joey, a quirky and brilliant tech genius, to streamline his online dating experience, setting the stage for their unconventional partnership.
Act 2:
• New Plan: Ethan and Joey embark on a comedic journey to revamp Ethan's online presence, employing various strategies ranging from quirky profile pictures to humorous taglines.
• Plan in Action: Ethan's interactions with potential matches, including the quirky and endearing Lily, provide comedic relief and hint at genuine connections amidst the chaos.
• Midpoint Turning Point: Max, the mischievous internet troll and Lily's ex, launches a series of comically disastrous schemes to sabotage Ethan's online reputation, leading to hilarious misunderstandings and escalating tensions.
Act 3:
• Rethink Everything: Ethan's world is turned upside down when Max's identity is revealed, forcing him to confront the truth behind the chaos in his love life and the authenticity of his feelings for Lily.
• New Plan: Ethan, with Joey's unwavering support, devises a daring plan to expose Max's deceit and win back Lily's trust, leading to a series of comedic misadventures and unexpected revelations.
• Turning Point: Lily, caught in the crossfire of Ethan and Max's antics, grapples with her feelings as she confronts Ethan, leading to a heartfelt and humorous confrontation that tests the true nature of their connection.
Act 4:
• Climax/Ultimate Expression of Conflict: Ethan confronts Max in a hilariously chaotic showdown, revealing his true intentions and laying bare his vulnerability in a last-ditch effort to win Lily's heart.
• Resolution: In a heartwarming and humorous finale, Ethan and Lily reconcile, embracing the messiness of love and the joy of finding genuine connection amidst the chaos of modern romance, setting the stage for a promising future together.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James’ 4-Act Transformational Structure

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…by turning the 3-Act Structure into the 4-Act Transformational Structure my lead characters began to develop with their nuances, motivations, and flaws becoming more apparent. The possible moments and situations in the story start to emerge as these characters interact through their own agendas; these are the scenes that will round out and complete the script.

• Concept: An aging bachelor starts to fall for the computer genius who’s hired to help him find his love match through an algorithm by Valentine’s Day.
• Main Conflict: Wrestling with the consequences of fame and authenticity the aging bachelor navigates a web of romantic entanglements orchestrated by his own online persona.
• Old Ways:
o Alone without female company
o Dateless due to lack of confidence because of age
o Introverted and hardly ever socializing
o Cynical view of the world
• New Ways:
o Enters the dating scene with confidence
o More extroverted with women
o Age is no longer a negative factor
o Has positive outlook on life

Act 1:
• Opening: Introduce Ethan as a lovable but awkward bachelor, desperate to find love.
• Inciting Incident: Ethan’s family creates an online dating profile for him, leading to an influx of attention from potential suitors; this causes Ethan to hire Joey, a tech genius, to bring order to his fortune.
• Turning Point: Ethan begins to question the authenticity of the connections he’s making online, but believes he may have a future with Lily, one of the newfound potential prospects.
Act 2:
• New plan: Ethan seeks help from Joey to manage his online dating chaos.
• Plan in action: Ethan begins to develop genuine feelings for Lily, a potential girlfriend.
• Midpoint Turning Point: Ethan’s online escapades catch the attention of Max, an internet troll and Lily’s ex, who launches a smear campaign against him.
Act 3:
• Rethink everything: Max reveals himself as the mastermind behind Ethan’s new viral profile.
• New plan: Ethan must confront Max and expose his deception to win Lily’s heart.
• Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: Lily breaks away from Ethan due to his supposed new online sexually charged persona.
Act 4:
• Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Ethan confronts Max and exposes his manipulation, proving his love for Lily is genuine.
• Resolution: Ethan and Lily embark on a genuine relationship, free from Max’s influence.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

Day 4 Assignment:

James’ Subtext Plot

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…the subtext plots make the storylines clear. I now have a “roadmap” from which to generate scenes and poignant moments. This includes the character motivations surfacing and driving the story to its finale.

Concept: An aging bachelor starts to fall for the computer genius who’s hired to help him find his love match through an algorithm by Valentine’s Day.

Subtext Plots:
a) Someone Hides Who They Are: Joey, the computer genius, tasked to help find Ethan’s true love by Valentine’s Day hides her marital status from him. She is actually separated looking for a father for her five kids. Joey knows Ethan is a good man who would make a great paternal figure for her children. She schemes and uses her computer knowledge to make him believe she’s the one for him; the one he’s been searching for all this time.

b) Competitive Agendas: Joey battles and competes with Lily, the nice woman Ethan met through online dating, for his affection. At first, they hide their agendas from each other, but as the story progresses so too do their mean-spirited antics. Ethan grows demoralized not knowing who is being genuine in their interactions.

c) Superior Position: The audience will naturally know more than Ethan as the story plays out towards its conclusion.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

Day 3 Assignment:

James’ Transformational Journey

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…I started to see the many possible moments, situations, and scenes that my protagonist will go through in the story. The challenges became clearer along with the choices he’ll make that will cause the change in him; this is his journey.

Ethan – Protagonist

· Arc Beginning: Lonely and dateless aging bachelor

· Arc Ending: Accompanied by a quality woman with future potential

· Internal Journey: From no confidence to adventurous

· External Journey: From lonely aging bachelor to dating a quality woman

Old Ways:

· Alone without female company

· Dateless due to lack of confidence because of age

· Introverted and hardly ever socializing

· Cynical view of the world

New Ways:

· Enters the dating scene with confidence

· More extroverted with women

· Age is no longer a negative factor

· Has positive outlook on life

[James Hernandez]

Day 2 Assignment:

James’ Intentional Lead Characters

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…the more specific I get with my lead characters the better the story develops. But I need to further push the uniqueness of the characters as I’m not completely satisfied with this component for all three. If I keep working with other story aspects, perhaps the characters will emerge unique only to this script.

Character: Ethan Reed – Protagonist

Logline: Ethan is the hopeless bachelor who bases the success of his love life on an algorithm.

Unique: Ethan is charmingly awkward, with a penchant for classic romantic gestures buried beneath layers of skepticism and cynicism. His struggle to embrace vulnerability makes him endearing to audiences.

Character: Lily Chang – Antagonist

Logline: Lily is the love interest who battles the wounds of past heartbreaks and struggles to commit to a relationship.

Unique: Lily is intelligent and confident, but her emotional scars make her guarded and skeptical of love. Her journey of healing and rediscovering romance adds depth to the romantic comedy genre.

Character: Joey Martinez – Triangle Character

Logline: Joey is the quirky tech genius who underhandedly sets up Ethan with outrageous dates to have him progressively fall for her.

Unique: Joey is eccentric and unconventional, with a knack for blending humor and mischief. Her unconventional methods challenge traditional romantic norms and inject humor into the story.

[James Hernandez]

Day 1 Assignment:

James’ Title, Concept, and Character Structure!

My Vision: I am a great writer who is recognized by the industry as an exceptional collaborator able to elevate any project into production and have maximum success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…my romantic comedy revolves around a triangle instead of just a man and a woman seeking love. There’s also implied competition for the man’s love and attention, creating conflict among the three.

Title: My Valentine’s Day Algorithm

Concept: An aging bachelor starts to fall for the computer genius who’s hired to help him find his love match through an algorithm by Valentine’s Day.

Character Structure: Romantic Triangle: two women vie for the attention of the aging bachelor.

[James Hernandez]

Day 19:

James’ Perfect Wordsmithing

What I learned doing this assignment is…that my script is almost completely error free. As I did the description pass, I corrected grammar, punctuation, spelling and elevated some of the dialogue; I also eliminated numerous orphans saving line space. The script on an editorial level is sound, yet another rewrite is needed to incorporate story world elements especially in the narrative description. For a second draft, this iteration of an R-Rated romantic comedy is very solid, which compels me to develop it further as I believe there’s something special within this concept. Ultimately, the motivation to keep improving the screenplay is the goal to continuously pursue.

Best wishes to my colleagues on all their projects. And always keep writing!

[James Hernandez]

Day 18:

James’ Precise Description

What I learned doing this assignment is…that my description is for the most part necessary, clear, brief, but could use more meaning. This may be due to more story world details needed in the narrative that would enhance the power of description in the script. As it stands now, my description is focused on the characters’ actions and emotional reactions, but lacks the story world elements.

Given the romantic comedy genre is arguably the most social of all the genres, this could be the result for my description not including robust action shots, out of this world creations and extraneous details that would be found in the other genres.

Yet for my next rewrite, I now have a focal point to concentrate on that hopefully will produce a tighter script for the next draft as far as description is concerned.

[James Hernandez]

Day 17:

James’ Key Scene Improvements

What I learned doing this assignment is…that most of my structure points are strong except for the Act 1 turning point and inciting incident. There is always room for improvement, yet I elected to focus on the inciting incident for this assignment because as a whole it would make this rewrite draft significantly better than the first draft.

The most valuable improvement made was with the inciting incident. This is where the two soon to be romantic leads meet causing sparks to initially fly. Along with adding more depth to the scene, the situation offered an opportunity to increase the comedic dialogue between the leads which contrasts the action taking place with the robbery in progress.

[James Hernandez]

Day 16:

James’ Character Intros/Exits

What I learned doing this assignment is…I gained a better understanding of who my male protagonist is as a love interest in my romantic comedy. This is a launching point (the introduction) where every development that follows supports and/or contrasts who he is. The character philosophy established dictates much of the dialogue and actions he will say and do creating a cohesive narrative for his role. Ultimately, this makes depth more visible and present throughout the script leading to dimensional characters.

Beats for Rufus’ Current Introduction:

1. He sits waiting for his lunch.

2. Tammy serves him his meal.

3. He blesses himself as he over hears Tammy’s interaction with Jessica.

4. He lets Tammy know he’s fine with her being distracted with Jessica.

Beats for Rufus’ New Introduction: Build in Character Philosophy, Character Reputation

Rufus consoles and advises Tammy based on her cellphone conversation with Jessica.

1. Tammy on the cellphone almost spills the food she’s so distraught; Rufus catches the dishes.

2. Rufus assures Tammy she’s fine and offers thoughtful words.

3. Rufus then blesses himself over his meal and digs in.

4. Rufus overhears the desperate conversation between Tammy and Jessica.

5. Rufus reveals his life philosophy, which is based on the scene’s showcase for his reputation.

[James Hernandez]

Day 15:

James’ Unique Character Dialogue

What I learned doing this assignment is…by isolating the character’s dialogue I have the character talking to me informing what the next line should be. This is a form of immersion only achieved by concentrating on one character at a time. Once the character talks directly to me, I understand him/her on an intimate level; every action taken and words said now comes from their essence.

I only tracked Jessica’s dialogue given she’s the main protagonist (the female love interest in the romantic comedy) and since the story is seen from her perspective. I believe if her dialogue is improved then the other characters would follow suit and the script overall would tighten.

JESSICA

I’ll be visiting again, for sure. (before)

JESSICA

I have my next mission without fail. (after)

JESSICA

It’s ok, Mrs. Head. (before)

JESSICA

Your sermons are fine by me, Mrs. Head. (after)

JESSICA

I have all night. (before)

JESSICA

I have a weirdly long attention span. (after)

[James Hernandez]

Day 14:

James’ Meaningful Action

What I learned doing this assignment is…by concentrating on the character actions of the scene more depth is discovered. In this case, additional character depth was explored making the scene more profound than its previous version.

I noted character nuances developed as well which means I’m getting to know my characters more intimately. Also, changing the setting contributes to altering the meaning of the scene making it more impactful.

Scene 30: Meaning: Rufus reveals he’s interested in Jessica causing Freddie to offer caution. Action: Rufus looks over some selfies of him and Jessica from the previous night as he remains reserved by not revealing too much to Freddie.

Scene 60: Meaning: Rufus hasn’t gotten over Jessica. Action: Rufus plays racquetball in a lifeless manner with Freddie.

[James Hernandez]

Day 13:

James’ Elevated Scene Structures

What I learned from doing this assignment is… by applying different structures to a scene allows me to flesh out the characters and their function within the story. There were character dynamics that I didn’t know existed until I put the chosen scene through varying lenses. Given this is a romantic comedy, the twist scene structure offered another chance to infuse more humor, but a rewrite of the scene is still needed.

I chose the Twist Scene Structure because it seemed to serve the tone and vision of the story more than the others. The other structures would work on their own, but would change the consistency I’m trying to maintain.

Scene 14: Freddie is introduced as Rufus’ sounding board.

Scene 14: 1) Establish Freddie as a close confidant. 2) Rufus and Freddie indulge in drinks and discuss their dating lives or lack thereof.

Twist Scene Structure:

· Beginning: Freddie informs Rufus about a woman he wants to introduce him to.

· Middle: Rufus surprises Freddie by telling him he found someone.

· Ending: Both Rufus and Freddie express doubts about Jessica as a lover.

Competitive Agendas Scene Structure:

· Beginning: Rufus competes with Freddie over who can get a higher quality woman.

· Middle: Rufus informs Freddie about Jessica and her immediate brilliance.

· Ending: Rufus wins this round in their competition as Jessica sounds too outstanding for Freddie to beat.

Investigation/Hiding Scene Structure:

· Beginning: Freddie is suspicious about Rufus’ chipper demeanor.

· Middle: Freddie probes Rufus as to why he’s suddenly joyful.

· Ending: Rufus informs Freddie about his encounter with Jessica.

[James Hernandez]

Day 12:

James’ Scene Ratings

What I learned doing this assignment is…given I’m writing a romantic comedy this exercise became a good measure/barometer of the comedy my script. Considering laughter can be an emotion, I now have a sense of where my script is strong with comedy or not. I need more work in my act one scenes as they’re rated lower than the latter scenes. This could be due to the setup work act one requires. On a positive note, my major structural points are strong (entertaining) as they are, but can always be improved.

As far as the scene ratings are concerned, I was demanding of my scenes. That is, given each scene can be improved, I gave a potential E 8 scene an E 7 or lower knowing there is room for improvement. It’s probably best to be critical of my scenes especially in the early drafts because low scene ratings allow for further analysis, probing and exploration of the script in terms of entertainment.

[James Hernandez]

Day 11:

James’ Outline to Script!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…I was able to combine scenes which made the script tighter with no repetition story elements. This opened up “space” to develop subplots that were not in the script previously adding more depth.

This process also made the theme become clearer as the characters and their actions now serve a specific purpose giving rise to questions: will searching for love ever bear fruit? Can one’s past adversely affect our present relationships? Can we overcome that past? Does it matter what our past is? Can one really learn from it?

[James Hernandez]

Day 9:

James’ Fascinating Scene Outlines!

What I learned from doing this assignment is that by deleting, combining and rearranging my scenes allows the story to be told more efficiently making the script tighter with less extraneous scenes.

As the lesson pointed out, the same story can be told in a number of ways as long as the changes serve the pitch and genre.

[James Hernandez]

Day 8:

James Elevates Lead Characters!

What I learned doing this assignment is that my inciting incident was severely weak and cliché. In the process of developing the story I didn’t brainstorm alternate possibilities that would express and reveal my lead characters’ traits and provide a more interesting setting.

The improvements I made were by changing the two leads to meet in a coffee shop as a robbery was taking place; this was twofold as Rufus was also introduced. They retreated to the rear restroom and locked themselves in. Essentially, this gave the leads a confined setting forcing them to communicate and get to know each other. They covered their anxiety with complements and wish lists.

As a result of the cute meet change, my male lead traits were more vivid during the scene. I feel like I’m getting a better picture of who Rufus is in this story.

[James Hernandez]

Day 7:

James Solves Major Problems!

What I learned doing this assignment is that my original transformational journey for the female lead is strong and still serves the story well. Also, there’s consistent conflict throughout the piece which aligns with the story I’m attempting to write. The ending may change due to the elevation I’m doing with the opening. The opening initially was weak by which the female lead’s traits and motivations were not pronounced enough making the scene too dull.

The major change I’m making is with the opening by making Jessica’s traits clear by almost exaggerating them. As a result, the opening accomplishes establishing the female lead, Jessica, gives the audience a sufficient glimpse of the world she lives in, and sets the conflict she has with her boss, others, and herself.

I also changed the
setting for the inciting incident. Instead of having the romantic leads meet in
an elevator, they’ll retreat to a restroom hiding from the robbery that’s
taking place in the coffee shop. This comically gives them time to get to know
each other until the robber races out.

[James Hernandez]

Day 6:

James’ Outline Improvements

What I learned doing this assignment is the deeper revelations of layers in terms of story and characters. These revelations fleshed out the complete script, adding more details and nuances that weren’t included before.

The improvements were made to my characters’ depth in their storylines which added to the overall plot. The 4-act structure is now tighter including the beats of the improved storylines. All this gave rise to the supporting subplots which gives the script more depth and complexity.

[James Hernandez]

Day 5:

James’ Character Story Lines

What I learned doing this assignment is that my supporting characters play specific roles in keeping my love interest leads together, focused, and/or act like advisors to them. Given this is a romantic comedy, the objective is to have the leads arrive at a harmonious union with the efforts, influences, and assistance of the supporting characters. This includes actively listening to both lead characters’ points of view on the conflict whether they’re justified or delusional.

Jessica Blue

· Beginning: Jessica is consumed in her dead-end job longing for something better.

· Inciting Incident: She is trapped in an elevator with Rufus Winter; they connect.

· Turning Point 1: She accepts his offer to help with a development project, but there’s more going on.

· Midpoint: She is caught with all the sex toys scattered about by him; he leaves without getting an explanation.

· Turning Point 2: She is caught in a compromising position with her friend Paul by Rufus; he again leaves without an explanation.

· Dilemma: She must pursue her dream and forget Rufus or save a strained relationship with Rufus and alienate her dream.

· Major Conflict: At her book launch, Jessica is confronted by a past fling causing chaos and a major rift with Rufus.

· Ending: She resolves her issues with Rufus and they become a couple.

Rufus Winter

· Beginning: Rufus spends his days alone only with work and without a companion in life.

· Inciting Incident: He is trapped in an elevator with Jesssica; he’s attracted by her.

· Turning Point 1: He finds the development partner in Jessica; his search is over.

· Midpoint: He surprises her with a visit and is repulsed by the sex toys collection surrounding her; he walks out.

· Turning Point 2: He catches her in a compromising position with Paul and believes the worst; he once again walks out.

· Dilemma: He must abandon his principles and possibly enter an indecent relationship or forget about Jessica and miss out on a quality potential soulmate.

· Major Conflict: He prepared a surprise for Jessica at her book launch, but the notion is ruined by her former fling’s last-minute intrusion.

· Ending: He comes to an understanding regarding Jessica’s past work and moves forward with her in a caring relationship; all issues are left behind and resolved.

Paul Valley

· Beginning: Paul finds himself with conflicting emotions regarding his boyfriends.

· Inciting Incident: He moves in with Pebbles, but the situation is precarious.

· Turning Point 1: He participates in an intervention with Pebbles moderated by Jessica.

· Midpoint: He helps Jessica refocus her life into pursuing her most ambitious goals.

· Turning Point 2: He patches things up between Rufus and Jessica.

· Dilemma: He can focus on his life over Jessica’s ordeal or continue to help Jessica with a relationship that may lead nowhere and unprioritize his own life.

· Major Conflict: Paul must choose Pebbles and cut off his playful attraction he has for Rufus.

· Ending: Paul winds up in a relationship with Pebbles who appears to be his true love.

[James Hernandez]

Day 4:

James’ Character Profiles

What I learned doing this assignment is my female lead character’s hidden agenda. This discovery places a layer into the story which is revealed in the third act. Just by having a hidden layer, I can now add character subtext culminating with a reveal at the climax.

· A. Name: Jessica Blue

· B. Role in the Story: Jessica is the female lead (love interest) who conceals her sex industry past to protect her current relationship.

· C. Core Traits: concealing, sharp, caring, sarcastic

· D. Motivation: Want/Need: Want = to one day have her own business. Need = a strong partner in life to support her.

· E. Flaw/Wound: Flaw = she puts others before herself. Wound = she never had a mother figure.

· F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: Secret = she had a short-lived fling with an adult film actor. Hidden Agenda = she works on an empowering book for women using her new relationship with Rufus as a guide.

· G. Internal Dilemma: she wants to foster a decent and wholesome relationship, but her current job puts a wrinkle in her plans and intentions.

· H. What makes this character perfect for their role in this story? Jessica has vast knowledge of sex toys, which causes unseen and seen conflict between her and her love interest.

· A. Name: Rufus Winter

· B. Role in the Story: Rufus is the male lead (love interest) who unconsciously searches for the love of his life.

· C. Core Traits: intelligent, observant, polite, power mover

· D. Motivation: Want/Need: Want = a leader for a project he’s been mulling over for months. Need = a truly awesome woman in his life to put away his past.

· E. Flaw/Wound: Flaw = he immediately builds a defensive wall with everyone he meets. Wound = he still suffers from the disastrous heartbreak by his once love of his life.

· F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: Secret = he once wanted to become a priest; still communicates with Monsignor Phillips. Hidden Agenda = subconsciously wants a romantic relationship with Jessica.

· G. Internal Dilemma: he wants a new relationship, but is hesitant to totally jump in due to past trauma.

· H. What makes this character perfect for their role in this story? Rufus is decent and clean cut, which causes conflict between him and Jessica’s lifestyle and friends.

· A. Name: Paul Valley

· B. Role in the Story: Paul is Jessica’s close friend who attempts to always save the day for her.

· C. Core Traits: compassionate, subtly confused with masculinity

· D. Motivation: Want/Need: Want = a loving man in his life. Need = a stable relationship with either a man or a woman.

· E. Flaw/Wound: Flaw = is overly dramatic. Wound = had uncompassionate people in his childhood.

· F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: Secret = perhaps gains a hidden attraction for Rufus. Hidden Agenda = wants to help Jessica and Rufus ultimately come together.

· G. Internal Dilemma: he loves women, but his consciousness and way of being attracts men adding to quagmire in dealing with Jessica and Rufus’ relationship.

· H. What makes this character perfect for their role in this story? Paul serves as Jessica’s sounding board and shoulder to lean on when things go south for her.

[James Hernandez]

Day 3:

James’ Genre Conventions

What I learned doing this assignment is that some of the genre conventions were already there and this assignment allowed me to expand the scope of the romantic comedy in my story by adding and altering scenes.

Tell us the following:

· Title: Love and Toys

· Concept: An R-Rated romantic comedy where the female lead must conceal her sex industry past for her current relationship to stay intact and flourish.

· Genre: Romantic Comedy

Romantic comedy genre conventions:

· Purpose: Jessica and Rufus long for real and meaningful love in their lives.

· The journey of love: the two leads meet trapped in an elevator, but play hard to get. However, they are attracted physically and mentally due to their talents, sharpness, and wit. Their pasts get in the way and don’t allow progress in their relationship, yet the initial attraction was so strong that they must be together knowing they’re one another’s true love.

· Relationship set-up: Jessica and Rufus meet and get trapped in an elevator.

· Issues: Jessica and Rufus must overcome their pasts; she conceals her sex industry past and he must get over a cruel breakup.

· Separation: Rufus catches Jessica in compromising situations where he assumes the worst, but she is not given the chance to explain and clear the air.

· Comedy: humor is explored through the embarrassing and revealing situations the characters face throughout the story. The characters are unique and eccentric given their points of view of the world.

Structure with more genre conventions:

Act 1:

Opening: Jessica Blue and her boss, Bart Hillman, are introduced. They have a contentious relationship.

Inciting Incident (The Cute-Meet): Jessica and Rufus get stuck in an elevator together and create a friendly acquaintance that leads to more meetings.

Turning Point: Rufus proposes Jessica a job offer to help with the development of a project he’s been mulling over for months.

Act 2:

New plan: Jessica intends to entertain Rufus’ job offer to see where it leads while still fulfilling the needs as a sex toys representative.

Plan in action: Jessica meets with Rufus and gains a better understanding of the project he wants to develop and simultaneously visits her customers with their special orders.

Issues: Rufus gradually sees Jessica’s sex industry past come to the forefront; former colleagues, friends, and actors (men and women).

Midpoint Turning Point (Separation): Rufus walks in on Jessica surprising her and sees all the sex products; he assumes the worst which she tries to explain. A rift is created between them.

Act 3:

Rethink everything: Jessica leaves her sex toys jobs and pursues her goal in becoming her own boss; this is in reaction to Rufus walking out on her without an explanation.

New plan: Jessica intends to use her customer base to launch and grow a podcast then to build a following that will ultimately serve as patrons for her boutique.

Issues: Rufus reveals the heartbreak he experienced to Jessica; he hasn’t fully recovered from his past.

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift (Separation): Jessica is caught in a compromising position by Rufus and he again believes the worst. He storms out without listening to an explanation; a major rift has emerged.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Jessica and Rufus attend a dinner hosted by one of his friends, but an old colleague of hers catches up to her at the event and causes chaos.

Separation: Rufus believed the worst was behind him and Jessica, yet an old flame emerged causing doubt and turmoil in their relationship.

Resolution (Reunification): Rufus listens to Jessica’s commentary about love during her podcast and realizes she has always been the one for him.

Ending (Resolution): Jessica receives word that Francine has passed and is given a letter delivered by Angie. The letter is Francine’s wish for Jessica to find and forever to hold on to the love of her life (Rufus).

[James Hernandez]

Day 2:

James’ 4 Act Structure

What I learned doing this assignment is by using the pitch to focus on as I brainstorm different possible beats for the structure allows the options that I generate to be consistent with the vision of the story I’m trying to tell; most if not all options will be in the “ballpark” of what I’m searching for and therefore saves me time as well.

List the beats of your 4 Act Transformational Structure.

1. Give us the following:

Title: The Toy of My Life or Love and Toys Chronicles or Love and Toys

Genre: Romantic Comedy

Concept: An R-Rated romantic comedy where the female lead must conceal her sex industry past for her current relationship to flourish.

Main Conflict: both the love interests must overcome their pasts in order to make their relationship successful.

2. Fill in each of these with the answers you have right now.

Act 1:

Opening: Jessica Blue and her boss, Bart Hillman, are introduced. They have a contentious relationship.

Inciting Incident: Jessica’s demands are not met and she quits her job much to Bart’s shock; he’s left in complete awe.

Alternative Inciting Incident: Jessica and Rufus get stuck in an elevator together and create a friendly acquaintance that leads to more meetings.

Turning Point: Rufus proposes Jessica a job offer to help with the development of a project he’s been mulling over for months.

Act 2:

New plan: Jessica intends to entertain Rufus’ job offer to see where it leads while still fulfilling the needs as a sex toys representative.

Plan in action: Jessica meets with Rufus and gains a better understanding of the project he wants to develop and simultaneously visits her customers with their special orders.

Midpoint Turning Point: Rufus walks in on Jessica surprising her and sees all the sex products; he assumes the worst which she tries to explain. A rift is created between them.

Act 3:

Rethink everything: Jessica leaves her sex toys jobs and pursues her goal in becoming her own boss; this is in reaction to Rufus walking out on her without an explanation.

New plan: Jessica intends to use her customer base to launch and grow a podcast then to build a following that will ultimately serve as patrons for her boutique.

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: Jessica is caught in a compromising position by Rufus and he again believes the worst. He storms out without listening to an explanation; a major rift has emerged.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Jessica offers parting words that affect Rufus deeply having him realize she’s the one for him; the power of her words permeates across the country and are felt.

Alternative Climax: Jessica and Rufus attend a dinner hosted by one of his friends, but an old colleague of hers catches up to her at the event and causes chaos.

Resolution: Jessica receives word that Francine has passed and is given a letter delivered by Angie. The letter is Francine’s wish for Jessica to find and forever to hold on to the love of her life (Rufus).

[James Hernandez]

Day 1:

James’ Project Pitch

What I learned doing this assignment is that by focusing on the pitch I’m able to better avoid extraneous elements within the script. This focus allows me to keep the story on track and lets me see where I may be veering off course. In essence, I ultimately have a tighter script.

Create your pitch. Fill in the blanks.

· A. Genre: Romantic Comedy

· B. Title: The Toy of My Life

· C. High Concept: An R-Rated romantic comedy where the female lead must conceal her sex industry past for her current relationship to flourish.

· D. Main Conflict: both the love interests must overcome their pasts in order to make their relationship successful.

· E. Transformational Journey: the female protagonist learns to put herself first in life and establishes a viable business alongside her new companion.

· F. Opposition: both leads must overcome their pasts and find a means to develop a healthy relationship.

[James Hernandez]

James A. Hernandez

I’ve written ten feature scripts.

I hope to significantly improve the romantic comedy I’m developing making it more marketable, commercial and tight.

Something unique or strange about me is that I can’t chat about myself.

[James Hernandez]

James A. Hernandez

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[James Hernandez]

I finished my first draft! It took me a month and two days, but it’s done. Now it’s on to second draft improvements.

[James Hernandez]

Day 24 Fill in Any Missing Scenes

James Filled in Missing Scenes!

What I learned doing this assignment is… by using the four-act structure with the transformational journey made the missing scenes really stand out. This made it simpler to outline and insert the scenes where they were needed. There was much clarity of what scenes were missing because intuitively I recognized the parts of the story that needed more depth.

I added two scenes with my protagonist, Jessica, and her father. I needed these scenes because they grounded the hero by exploring her long-distance relationship with her father. This script is a rated r romantic comedy, so I believe these scenes would bring a level seriousness to the story. They also show the vulnerability Jessica has when she talks with her father during long distance computer screen calls.

The other scene added was another relationship scene that involved Jessica’s gay friend’s handling life with a new friend in the big city. This scene is mainly for comedy moments, but it does reveal character and moves the story forward.

[James Hernandez]

Day 23 Finish Act 4

James’ Act 4 Resolution

What I learned doing this assignment is… my leads were meant for each other as she pours her heart and soul out during her podcast making him realize he most likely will not meet someone else of her talent possibly ever. Jessica’s words win him completely over as they become a couple knowing each one helped the other deal with their pasts. Now they embark on a future together with newfound love and spirit.

INT. JESSICA’S HOME – NIGHT

Jessica mopes into her apartment like a wanderer searching for hope.

She finds Tammy and Paul relieved she’s home.

TAMMY

Where have you been? Your show finished hours ago.

PAUL

You should’ve called. I was about to have sleepless nights.

JESSICA

Well, next time I skip recess, I’ll go straight to the principal’s office.

That gets a smirk from Tammy and Paul.

TAMMY

You’re lucky anyway.

JESSICA

Why?

RUFUS (O.S.)

Because I want to give you these personally this time.

Rufus emerges with a bouquet of flowers.

RUFUS

Your words were beautiful.

Jessica shines with delight at the gesture as he approaches her not fully giving of himself, hesitant.

JESSICA

Thank you for thinking of me.

RUFUS

It’s all I’ve been doing.

She takes hold of the bouquet from Rufus…

JESSICA

This is more than business I gather.

RUFUS

It’s whatever you want to call it.

She notices him uneasy.

JESSICA

You can relax.

A beat.

RUFUS

It must be my worry about surprises.

She puts the bouquet down, assuredly grabs his hands and looks directly into his eyes…

JESSICA

There will never be another star football player to ruin us.

A mountain of concern gets lifted off Rufus’ mind and shoulders.

His smile matches that of Jessica’s.

JESSICA

Your move.

Rufus leans in and has his first kiss with Jessica…

TAMMY

Ok. You guys need a room.

The kissers detach.

JESSICA

Thanks for helping me out, Tammy.

Off to the side is Paul who cries uncontrollably as he fans his face while catching his breath.

JESSICA

I made it count.

PAUL

(sobbing)

I know you did. I know. This is too much for me.

RUFUS

Let’s get some dinner.

TAMMY

You two have a good time.

Jessica and Rufus make their way out holding hands ready for the succeeding phase together.

[James Hernandez]

Day 22 Act 4 Climax

James’ Act 4 Climax

What I learned doing this assignment is… my female lead is testing out her new ways of operating in life. She uses her podcast platform to communicate with fans and Rufus that their pasts can be used as guidance and a learning experience. Jessica goes on to talk directly to Rufus by trying to convince him a misunderstanding should not ruin the progress they made in their relationship. The emotions can be felt in her tone of voice, which impacts everyone especially Rufus who knows she is someone special and should not be dismissed.

INT. LOCAL MEDIA CENTER – DAY

Jessica is on the last call of her podcast. She hangs on every word being said.

JESSICA

That’s wonderful Gloria. Did he come back running into your arms?

GLORIA (O.C.)

Not only did he come back running, we got married again. This time in the Bahamas.

JESSICA

And did he pay?

GLORIA (O.C.)

For everything. The food. Hotel accommodations. Even our guests’ flights to and from the Bahamas.

Jessica feels the love of her caller.

CUT TO:

INT. RUFUS’ HOME – DAY

Rufus is tuned in to the podcast. His undivided attention given as he cannot sway for one moment.

JESSICA (O.C.)

That’s beautiful Gloria. You have definitely found your soulmate. There’s nothing on Earth that’ll separate you two.

GLORIA (O.C.)

Just know that a person like you makes us women feel valued and respected. And that is a blessing.

Rufus is touched by the caller’s praise.

BACK TO:

INT. LOCAL MEDIA CENTER – DAY

Jessica closes her eyes for a few seconds to let the choice words reach the entire audience…

JESSICA

There’s no better way to end this episode.

GLORIA (O.C.)

I wish you much more success. May you impact many more lives.

JESSICA

Take care Gloria.

The caller’s line is closed. Jessica gathers herself to finish the podcast with parting words…

JESSICA

As Gloria’s story told us, real love will face any challenge and come out on top. No matter the distance or circumstance, when a true human connection is made nothing is more powerful. This is the basis of our humanity. Why we live. Why we confront each waking moment. And why time is never lost searching for that person who will light our days. When you’ve found that soulmate, nurture and cherish it because what’s worthwhile may come around only once. And sometimes when you’re not with that special someone, you care for them even more. Thank you for your valuable time. Until we meet again, show and spread love in your lives…

Jessica gently releases the microphone as her own words affected her.

CUT TO:

INT. RUFUS’ HOME – DAY

Rufus finds himself glued to the computer not able to move as he too is affected by Jessica’s words and thoughts.

RUFUS

She is the one. I always knew.

Rufus slowly closes his laptop and ponders in complete silence alone in his living room.

[James Hernandez]

Day 21 Act 4 Begins

James’ Act 4 First Scenes

What I learned doing this assignment is… the female lead faces a clear dilemma where she has to choose between forgetting about Rufus and avoid a nurturing relationship or try to reconcile with him and pursue what could be the love of her life for better or frightening worse. It’s the battle between Old Ways and New Ways where she is forced to grow and step out of her comfort zone. Ultimately, she chooses to pursue her goal of having her own podcast which could provide a customer base for her boutique. She uses the podcast platform to reach other embattled women of all ages. In a twist, her gay friend reaches out to Rufus and advises him to listen to the podcast and witness what Jessica is all about.

EXT. PARK – DAY

Jessica wanders on a winding path. The bright sun shines on her, yet melancholy is more her current state.

She watches a young couple play with their little child on the nearby grass.

She’s captivated with the love conveyed by the young family.

After a few moments, she continues on with her walk.

INT. JESSICA’S HOME – NIGHT

Jessica sulks on the couch not wanting to engage with anyone.

She has barely eaten anything as the takeout dinner containers are full.

Paul studies her with much concern.

PAUL

You have to eat something.

She remains quiet as the thoughts ruminate.

PAUL

Your agony is my fault.

JESSICA

Don’t. Tomorrow’s a new day.

PAUL

Would it help if I talked to him?

JESSICA

No. I’m not right for him.

Paul shakes his head as his mouth twitches feeling guilty.

JESSICA

There are new responsibilities to manage.

Paul snatches a tissue trying his best not to sob.

INT. LOCAL MEDIA CENTER – DAY

Jessica checks the clock as she winds down the show with the last caller of the day.

JESSICA

That’s a wonderful personal story, Mildred.

MILDRED (O.C.)

Thanks to you Jessica I overcame my felony convictions. I’m a new model senior citizen.

JESSICA

You’re quite welcomed. And we all can learn that no matter your past, your future can be the light at the end of the tunnel. Until next week, hold on to your power.

Jessica signs off knowing the difference she’s making in many lives.

INT. RUFUS’ BUILDING LOBBY – NIGHT

Paul paces near the front door. He anxiously surveys his surroundings causing the concierge to question his intentions.

CONCIERGE

Sir, can I help you?

PAUL

I’m waiting for a friend.

The concierge nods allowing Paul to continue waiting…

After a few moments, Rufus enters and is approached by Paul.

PAUL

Rufus, I need to have a word with you.

Rufus quickly recognizes who Paul is.

RUFUS

No. I believe I saw all of you already.

PAUL

The misunderstanding is my fault.

Rufus stops and gives Paul a chance to clarify.

PAUL

Jessica was helping me with my outfits for a modeling shoot.

RUFUS

She was working hard on her knees.

PAUL

It’s not like that. We’ve known each other for years. She’s like a sister to me.

Rufus still feels unconvinced.

RUFUS

I appreciate your effort, but it’s best we go our own ways.

PAUL

Wait! What attracted you to her in the first place?

Rufus ponders…

PAUL

Those qualities are still there, and will always be. Remember them?

A beat.

RUFUS

Yes, she’s very intelligent and articulate.

PAUL

Keep going?

RUFUS

And she’s caring, enough to melt hearts.

PAUL

Don’t let her get away. All because of a misunderstanding.

A beat.

PAUL

There’s nothing sexually intimate between us. And there never will be.

Rufus wonders about what Paul actually means.

PAUL

If you must know, I’m not a heterosexual. And I think I’m not a homosexual — the point is, Jessica’s a great woman.

A beat.

PAUL

I love her. And you would as well.

Rufus feels relaxed as the words sink in.

RUFUS

I understand.

PAUL

Listen to her next Follow Your Passion Podcast, and experience what she’s all about.

Paul reaches out for a handshake as the two come to an agreement.

[James Hernandez]

Day 20 Finish Act 3

James’ Completed Act 3

What I learned doing this assignment is… my two leads made a deep connection in the hearts of each other. They are both better understanding why there are some reservations when they communicate with one another. He’s internally hurt due to the betrayal of his past fiancé. She avoids talking about her past because it’s perhaps not the most wholesome of topics. Once they open up and begin to understand the whys of how they are, their different socio-economic backgrounds become less important. There is no doubt these two need each other to move on with their lives.

[James Hernandez]

Day 19 Act 3 Turning Point

James’ Act 3 Turning Point

What I learned doing this assignment is… my protagonist earnestly wants her relationship with Rufus to work out, but the surrounding occurrences of life keep getting in the way. She is caught in a compromising position, yet Rufus manages to remain calm and excuses himself before leaving. Previously, they had shared intimate moments revealing their pasts which helped them grow closer. It’s a moment Jessica does not want to lose due to a misunderstanding. This turning point will test if Jessica and Rufus can ultimately work things out, although now everything seems unsalvageable.

INT. JESSICA’S HOME – NIGHT

Jessica helps Paul try on different bikini and thong swimwear. He appears virtually naked.

His ass cheeks bulge out with a strand of dental floss between them.

PAUL

Did you have a high streaming rate?

JESSICA

It was streamed all across the country. It’s gone viral.

Paul flexes his entire body.

PAUL

What’d you think of this one?

JESSICA

It accentuates your leg muscles.

PAUL

Yeah, frontal shots are important.

Paul slides into beach sandals.

JESSICA

Those are nice.

PAUL

But they fit too tight.

JESSICA

Because they’re new. You have to break them in. Here, let me.

Jessica kneels down in front of Paul and softens the sides of the sandals.

The front door swings open and FOOTSTEPS emerge…

TAMMY (O.S.)

This time she’ll be extremely thrilled.

Tammy accompanied by Rufus enter the living room and find Jessica literally in a compromising position.

Rufus holding a bouquet of flowers releases a GASP as Jessica peeks around Paul’s leg.

JESSICA

Rufus!

RUFUS

You quit your job. For something better?

JESSICA

Rufus —

RUFUS

Rufus. I can explain. You can’t.

He places the bouquet of flowers on the coffee table.

RUFUS

Those are for you.

Jessica rises to her feet as Rufus storms out.

Tammy is beside herself and Paul covers up with his hands. Too late.

JESSICA

You’ve gotta stop helping me out, Tammy.

TAMMY

Oops.

Silence fills the room as all three attempt to regain their composure.

[James Hernandez]

Day 18 Act 3 Middle Scenes

James’ Act 3 Middle Scenes

What I learned doing this assignment is… my protagonist is starting to use her smarts for her own benefit. Before she would serve in a subservient role, which only benefited her employers. Now she realizes that to get ahead, improve her life and achieve her dream of running and owning a boutique, she must put herself first and not look back. Her roommate offers support, and the love interest finds her fascinating, even though he hasn’t directly told her, which sets up a relationship that will eventually have deep revelations for the couple.

[James Hernandez]

Day 17 Act 3 Begins

James’ Act 3 Reaction to Midpoint

What I learned doing this assignment is… my female protagonist will do what it takes to save her reputation with the love interest. She also believes the love interest deserves to give her a chance to explain herself. She goes to his building and embarrasses him by having the concierge describe the sex toy she holds. He then quickly says, “Send her up!” When she enters his condo, the antics continue causing him to finally listen to her explanation. I learned this is a good scene to include exposition on her past work history, which has been creating demand in the story making it not seem like an information dump. At the conclusion of this scene all is well, for now, and there’s a new trust between the leads.

[James Hernandez]

Day 16 Finish Act 2

James Has Completed Act 2 Draft 1

What I learned doing this assignment is… although my lead characters are literally from different socio-economic worlds, it is this difference that oddly enough attracts them. They both have reservations on proceeding with their relationship, yet a form of curiosity to learn more about each other compels them to a future together. The second act ends in a horribly surprising moment for the male lead causing the female lead to take charge of damage control for the health of their rapport.

[James Hernandez]

Day 15 Act 2 TP – The Midpoint

James’ Act 2 TP – Midpoint

What I learned doing this assignment is… that while my hero was trying to keep her past hidden, she did not take into account that one day it will surface whether willfully or by chance. Nevertheless, the shit hits the fan when the suitor surprises her and sees all the sex toys scattered throughout the living room. He’s in shock as he never expected this from her making him to doubt his young relationship with her. She attempts to explain, but he is so stunned it’s best if he just leaves. The relationship changes for the worse, yet the same journey continues as this couple can still manage to work the situation out.

[James Hernandez]

Day 14 Act 2 Middle Scenes

James’ Act 2 Middle Scenes

What I learned doing this assignment is… my hero is realizing that returning to her old job was a mistake as her boss devalues her, intentionally or not, and creates mental anguish for her. She knows she can do better and is learning that lesson the hard way. The balancing act she’s working out is caring for her customers and fulfilling her own dreams. She enjoys making her customers content and happy that she’s forgetting to put herself first every once in a while. The mental tug of war forces her to reevaluate her life because time is passing her by.

[James Hernandez]

Day 13 Act 2 Begins

James’ Act 2 Reaction to TP 1

What I learned doing this assignment is… my hero is starting to evaluate her worth in life. She’s met a man who’s successful, yet she believes she can do much better for herself. Her reaction to deciding to potentially be having a relationship with the new suitor compels her to seek her old job, which is perhaps not the best move. She wants to be on equal footing; therefore, she’s compelled to pursue work that pays more. Not that a hostess/waitress job is degrading, but financially the sales job offers more security.

[James Hernandez]

Day 12 Finish Act 1

James’ Finished Act 1

What I learned doing this assignment is… the lead characters’ journeys are becoming clearer as also their nuances are showing themselves. This allows me to dive deeper into what makes them tick and take action. The romantic couple in my story have very distinct backgrounds, which they withhold from each other creating the opportunity for subtext and interesting situations.

[James Hernandez]

Day 11 Act 1 Turning Point

James’ Turning Point 1 Scene

What I learned doing this assignment is… my character is finding out what her true feelings are for her suitor. She’s hesitant to entertainment a man who appears like a gentleman, but her past is stuck in the back of her head. She knows he initiated their meeting and decides to pursue what the future may hold for both of them.

INT. DINER – DAY

The space is modestly filled with the midday crowd. Seated at the counter, Jessica and Rufus sip their coffee. They munch on corn muffins.

RUFUS

Quaint place you picked here.

JESSICA

Glad you like it.

RUFUS

What experience do you have in business?

JESSICA

Marketing and sales. In varying industries.

RUFUS

Like which industries?

A beat.

JESSICA

Personal development. Fulfillment needs. Toys.

RUFUS

That’s great. Gotta take care of the kids.

JESSICA

Fun is the name of the game.

Rufus takes the final drop of his coffee.

RUFUS

Is this gourmet? Excellent taste.

He signals over the WAITRESS for more coffee.

JESSICA

What do you do?

RUFUS

I spearhead city development projects. Out of the box proposals.

The waitress fills his cup.

RUFUS

I’ve been mulling over a project for months.

JESSICA

So you’ve found the missing motivator.

RUFUS

Yes. You.

They continue sipping their coffee.

RUFUS

I’m entertaining the idea of constructing a casino resort on the river. Taking advantage of the water, scenery, central location, everything.

JESSICA

Interesting concept. There’s potential for more tourism, family attractions, giant revenue source, etc., etc.

RUFUS

You get it. I knew it.

The connection grows between them.

JESSICA

This would be new territory for me. But I welcome challenges.

RUFUS

Team formation has commenced. It’s the beginning of something —

Jessica’s cellphone CHIMES. She checks the ID. It’s Paul. Lets voice mail answer.

JESSICA

A spam call. You know, unwanted offers.

RUFUS

Of course. Where were we?

JESSICA

The beginning of —

Her cell phone CHIMES again. Checks again. It’s Paul. Voice mail.

JESSICA

These crazy lunatics.

RUFUS

Medicine. All they need is medicine.

JESSICA

So true.

Cell phone CHIMES again.

RUFUS

You best get that.

JESSICA

Give me a minute.

Jessica answers.

INTERCUT: DINER – STREET

JESSICA

What is it?

PAUL

Jessica! He wants to kick me out of his apartment!

JESSICA

Who?

PAUL

Pebbles. He wants me out. What should I do?

JESSICA

You have to satisfy him. Take care of him.

PAUL

He wants me to be his only lover.

JESSICA

There you go. Your answer.

PAUL

I love you. I really do.

JESSICA

Me too. So go work something out. And we’ll talk soon.

PAUL

Ok. Soon.

JESSICA

Bye-bye.

They hang up.

END INTERCUT.

Rufus is all smiles.

RUFUS

Girlfriend having some issues?

JESSICA

You can say that.

A beat.

RUFUS

I’ve gotta go. Do you need a ride home?

JESSICA

I’ll be fine.

RUFUS

Maybe dinner next time?

JESSICA

We can make that happen.

RUFUS

Excellent.

Rufus waves good-bye and makes his way out as the waitress comes over to clear the counter.

JESSICA

How much do I owe you?

WAITRESS

Nothing baby. Your friend there, he took care of it all. Even tip.

Jessica is left being impressed, this time by Rufus.

[James Hernandez]

Day 10 Act 1 Inciting Incident

James’ Inciting Incident

What I learned doing this assignment is… that the inciting incident can be small in scale by which a minor disruption in the hero’s life could lead to major consequences in the story. This appears to be the case for my romantic comedy as my protagonist quits her job (not very overwhelming), but the consequences and situations that follow offer many possibilities in the story. Everything that follows is directly related from her early on choice: quitting her job.

[James Hernandez]

Day 9 Act 1 Opening and Character Introductions

James’ Act 1: Opening Scenes

What I learned doing this assignment is… by outlining a scene with a beginning, middle and end lets me create an arc for the scene. My opening scene has an arc and also introduces the hero facing off with the antagonist. I was able to introduce part of the world as well as a conflict that will flow in the story.

[James Hernandez]

Day 8 Add Theme and Antagonist Journey

James’ Beat Sheet Draft 2

What I learned doing this assignment is… by writing without criticism and not stalling out allowed me to flow as the answers to the previous questions I had about my story started to quickly emerge on the page.

Rufus Winter’s Storyline:

1. Rufus admires Jessica’s abilities to learn her new job quickly. They share a friendly glance.

2. Rufus expresses his interest in Jessica to a friend. He then musters the confidence to start a chat the next time at the restaurant.

3. Rufus has a casual first date with Jessica. She senses that he’s not saying something, which puts him a bit uneasy.

4. Rufus tells his friend how much he likes Jessica.

5. Rufus becomes more determined to pursue Jessica that he shows up unannounced and sees all the sex toys scattered in the living room. Perhaps Tammy lets him in, as she thought Jessica had told him about her sex toys sales job.

6. Jessica seeks Rufus out and reveals her whole sex industry past, which he appreciates the honesty.

7. Rufus runs into Jessica in a surprise visit and encounters a seminude man. He storms out extremely irate.

8. Jessica’s friend makes peace with Rufus and puts in a good word.

9. Rufus realizes the quality woman Jessica is and resumes his relationship with her.

Act 1

1. EXT. METROPOLITAN STREET – DAY

Opening: Jessica is on her way to an elderly customer’s home for a sales visit and on a combative call with her boss who doesn’t appreciate, or doesn’t recognize, the worth she brings to the company.

2. INT. FRANCINE’S HOME – DAY

Jessica presents Francine with the toys she asked for. Francine is overjoyed with the selection and demonstrates how she pleased her late husband. Francine gives Jessica advice on love and relationships, which she is always enamored to listen. Perhaps Francine’s daughter enters as Jessica leaves; they have a strained acquaintance. (Theme, lightly expressed)

3. INT. CUSTOMER HOME – DAY

PLACEHOLDER: Jessica has another customer sales visit.

4. INT. DINER – DAY

Jessica has lunch with a friend from her sex industry days and who always seeks advice on everything; perhaps he was an adult film actor seeking guidance on his future.

5. INT. BOSS’ OFFICE – DAY

Inciting Incident: Jessica quits her sex toys sales job and seeks a new vision for her life.

6. INT. JESSICA’S HOME – NIGHT

Jessica expresses her despair about having no more income to buy food, pay the rent and other expenses to roommate, Tammy Butler. Tammy works at a restaurant and suggests Jessica work there until something else surfaces; she can start tomorrow as the eatery needs help.

7. INT. RESTAURANT – DAY

PLACEHOLDER: Jessica gets trained by Tammy and learns the job very quickly; memorizes the menu in record time. Perhaps Rufus witnesses the impressive way Jessica adjusts to the job as they glance at each other.

8. EXT. RUFUS’ CONDO – DAY

PLACEHOLDER: Rufus talks about how impressed he was with Jessica with an associate. The associate kids Rufus he’s too old and sophisticated for her; Rufus disagrees.

9. INT. JESSICA’S HOME – NIGHT

PLACEHOLDER: Jessica and Tammy count their tips. Perhaps Tammy talks about Rufus, a regular at the restaurant. Jessica may get a call from her former boss to come back.

10. INT. RESTAURANT – DAY

PLACEHOLDER: Rufus starts a conversation with Jessica.

11. INT. FRANCINE’S HOME – NIGHT

Jessica gets a gift from Francine and is advised on how to proceed with Rufus. Theme is explored here (lightly touched upon).

12. INT. COFFEE SHOP – NIGHT

Turning Point: With much trepidation, Jessica decides to pursue a potential relationship with Rufus who was captivated by her from the start.

Act 2

1. INT. JESSICA’S HOME – NIGHT

Jessica decides the restaurant job is not for her which expressed to Tammy. Jessica believes she can make more money at the sex toys sales job, plus she feels the need to help her former boss.

2. INT. BOSS’ OFFICE – DAY

New plan: Jessica returns to her sex toys sales job, but with the intent to ask for a higher salary.

3. EXT. PARK – NIGHT

Jessica and Rufus have their first date. They both seem to withhold things from their pasts, but get along well. He walks her home.

4. INT. FRANCINE’S HOME – DAY

TE 1: Jessica’s boss continues to be impossible in demanding more work hours causing her to reach a tipping point and stands up for herself.

5. INT. FRANCINE’S LOBBY – DAY

PLACEHOLDER: Jessica runs into Francine’s daughter, and they exchange unpleasantries.

6. EXT. PARK – NIGHT

TE 2: She knows she’s getting closer to Rufus in addition to wanting to start anew due to his high expectations in a girlfriend; this causes her to distance herself from her past.

7. INT. RUFUS’ OFFICE – DAY

Rufus tells his friend how much he enjoys Jessica’s company. The friend kids him about his age, which makes him more determined to pursue her.

8. INT. NEW JOB – DAY

Plan in action: Jessica visits a local radio station to inquire about podcast facilities.

9. INT. JESSICA’S HOME – DAY

Midpoint Turning Point: Rufus learns about Jessica’s past sex industry work causing a rift in the relationship. Perhaps Rufus shows up unannounced and sees all the sex toys and questions Jessica. Perhaps Tammy let him in, as she thought Jessica had to told him about her sex toys sales job.

Act 3

1. INT. BOSS’ OFFICE – DAY

TE 3: She decides to use her former customers as a fan base to grow support for a potential business which causes anger in her former boss; uses her own ideas.

2. INT. RUFUS’ HOME – NIGHT

Jessica wants to clear the air with Rufus and gives him the whole story on her past sex industry work (her revelation). She notices a picture of Rufus with the college woman who broke his heart.

3. INT. FRANCINE’S HOME – DAY

Jessica lets Francine know this is her last visit with new toys, but she will still come by to say hello. Perhaps the daughter is there and is pleased her mother won’t see Jessica again, so she thinks. Francine gives Jessica more lessons on love and how to move on with that special person. (Theme)

4. EXT. COFFEE SHOP – NIGHT

Rethink everything: Jessica plans to launch her own business using modern social media techniques to draw attention for her boutique.

5. INT. OFFICE SPACE – DAY

New plan: perhaps Jessica visits the office space for her podcast; her male friend’s friend facilitated the visit.

6. INT. RUFUS’ HOME – NIGHT

TE 4: She catches Rufus reminiscing about his past and gains knowledge of the heartbreak he suffered; helps him deal with his past. (Theme)

7. EXT. BROADCAST STATION – DAY

PLACEHOLDER: Perhaps Jessica’s male friend helps her move equipment for her podcast setup. He wants Jessica’s opinion on outfits for his underwear modeling gig.

8. INT. JESSICA’S HOME – NIGHT

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: Rufus walks in on Jessica’s meeting with a former male client and believes the worst; the relationship appears totally unsalvageable. Rufus felt lied to regarding her sales job and now catching her with a seminude man in her home is the final straw; he storms out.

Act 4

1. EXT. PARK – DAY

TE 5: She finds herself without steady work and it’s now or never in making her own business a reality, so she starts her own podcast.

2. INT. PODCAST OFFICE – NIGHT

TE 6: The podcast is a success with a growing fanbase causing her to start an online empowerment group for women.

3. INT. PODCAST OFFICE – NIGHT

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Jessica has gone forward and faced uncharted waters in her life and took the plunge with her podcast launch. She sends Rufus a message for him to listen to the podcast; perhaps Jessica’s male friend personally delivers the message to Rufus and speaks well of her (makes peace). Jessica pours her heart and soul out expressing the misunderstanding that took place (Theme). He’s moved with the gesture and realizes at that moment she’s the one for him.

4. INT. RUFUS’ OFFICE – DAY

TE 7: Jessica’s visibility grows nationally causing Rufus to take notice; he asks if she would like a position in his business, which she declines. This has been Rufus’ unannounced plan all along which was to have Jessica work at his company initiated when he first saw her at the restaurant. His plan is revealed here.

5. EXT. PARK – DAY

Resolution: Jessica and Rufus deepen their relationship and become a couple knowing each one helped the other overcome their pasts and now they face the future with newfound love, energy and spirit.

6. INT. JESSICA’S HOME – NIGHT

Francine’s daughter stops by and gives Jessica the news of Francine’s passing; she truly missed her husband and wept internally. The daughter gives Jessica a letter which is read in voice over with final advice and encouragement (Theme fully expressed). Perhaps Jessica is moving out and packing.

7. INT. BOUTIQUE – DAY

Last page: After national visibility and support her popularity soars allowing her to take the plunge and launch her own business.

[James Hernandez]

Day 7 Beat Sheet and High Speed Writing

James’ High Speed Beat Sheet

What I learned doing this assignment is… I have to develop the main plotline further along with subplots that will give the story depth. But ironically, I have Act Four for the most part completely figured out and the high-speed rules allow me to make notes with ideas for development that I can flesh out later.

Act 1

1. EXT. METROPOLITAN STREET – DAY

Opening: Jessica is on her way to an elderly customer’s home for a sales visit and on a combative call with her boss who doesn’t appreciate, or doesn’t recognize, the worth she brings to the company.

2. INT. FRANCINE’S HOME – DAY

Jessica presents Francine with the toys she asked for. Francine is overjoyed with the selection and demonstrates how she pleased her late husband. Francine gives Jessica advice on love and relationships, which she is always enamored to listen. Perhaps Francine’s daughter enters as Jessica leaves; they have a strained acquaintance.

3. INT. CUSTOMER HOME – DAY

PLACEHOLDER: Jessica has another customer sales visit.

4. INT. DINER – DAY

Jessica has lunch with a friend from her sex industry days and who always seeks advice on everything; perhaps he was an adult film actor seeking guidance on his future.

5. INT. BOSS’ OFFICE – DAY

Inciting Incident: Jessica quits her sex toys sales job and seeks a new vision for her life.

6. INT. JESSICA’S HOME – NIGHT

Jessica expresses her despair about having no more income to buy food, pay the rent and other expenses to roommate, Tammy Butler. Tammy works at a restaurant and suggests Jessica work there until something else surfaces; she can start tomorrow as the eatery needs help.

7. INT. RESTAURANT – DAY

PLACEHOLDER: Jessica gets trained by Tammy and learns the job very quickly; memorizes the menu in record time. Perhaps Rufus witnesses the impressive way Jessica adjusts to the job as they glance at each other.

8. EXT. RUFUS’ CONDO – DAY

PLACEHOLDER: Rufus talks about how impressed he was with Jessica with an associate. The associate kids Rufus he’s too old and sophisticated for her; Rufus disagrees.

9. INT. JESSICA’S HOME – NIGHT

PLACEHOLDER: Jessica and Tammy count their tips. Perhaps Tammy talks about Rufus, a regular at the restaurant. Jessica may get a call from her former boss to come back.

10. INT. RESTAURANT – DAY

PLACEHOLDER: Rufus starts a conversation with Jessica.

11. INT. COFFEE SHOP – NIGHT

Turning Point: With much trepidation, Jessica decides to pursue a potential relationship with Rufus who was captivated by her from the start.

Act 2

1. INT. BOSS’ OFFICE – DAY

New plan: Jessica returns to her sex toys sales job, but with the intent to ask for a higher salary.

2. INT. FRANCINE’S HOME – DAY

TE 1: Jessica’s boss continues to be impossible in demanding more work hours causing her to reach a tipping point and stands up for herself.

3. INT. FRANCINE’S LOBBY – DAY

PLACEHOLDER: Jessica runs into Francine’s daughter, and they exchange unpleasantries.

4. EXT. PARK – NIGHT

TE 2: She knows she’s getting closer to Rufus in addition to wanting to start anew due to his high expectations in a girlfriend; this causes her to distance herself from her past.

5. INT. NEW JOB – DAY

Plan in action

6. INT. JESSICA’S HOME – DAY

Midpoint Turning Point: Rufus learns about Jessica’s past sex industry work causing a rift in the relationship. Perhaps Rufus shows up unannounced and sees all the sex toys and questions Jessica.

Act 3

1. INT. BOSS’ OFFICE – DAY

TE 3: She decides to use her former customers as a fan base to grow support for a potential business which causes anger in her former boss; uses her own ideas.

2. EXT. COFFEE SHOP – NIGHT

Rethink everything: Jessica plans to launch her own business using modern social media techniques to draw attention for her boutique.

3. INT. OFFICE SPACE – DAY

New plan

4. INT. RUFUS’ HOME – NIGHT

TE 4: She catches Rufus reminiscing about his past and gains knowledge of the heartbreak he suffered; helps him deal with his past.

5. INT. JESSICA’S HOME – NIGHT

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: Rufus walks in on Jessica’s meeting with a former male client and believes the worst; the relationship appears totally unsalvageable.

Act 4

1. EXT. PARK – DAY

TE 5: She finds herself without steady work and it’s now or never in making her own business a reality, so she starts her own podcast.

2. INT. PODCAST OFFICE – NIGHT

TE 6: The podcast is a success with a growing fanbase causing her to start an online empowerment group for women.

3. INT. PODCAST OFFICE – NIGHT

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Jessica has gone forward and faced uncharted waters in her life and took the plunge with her podcast launch. She sends Rufus a message for him to listen to the podcast. Jessica pours her heart and soul out expressing the misunderstanding that took place. He’s moved with the gesture and realizes at that moment she’s the one for him.

4. INT. RUFUS’ OFFICE – DAY

TE 7: Jessica’s visibility grows nationally causing Rufus to take notice; he asks if she would like a position in his business, which she declines.

5. EXT. PARK – DAY

Resolution: Jessica and Rufus deepen their relationship and become a couple knowing each one helped the other overcome their pasts and now they face the future with newfound love, energy and spirit.

6. INT. JESSICA’S HOME – NIGHT

Francine’s daughter stops by and gives Jessica the news of Francine’s passing; she truly missed her husband and wept internally. The daughter gives Jessica a letter which is read in voice over with final advice and encouragement. Perhaps Jessica is moving out and packing.

7. INT. BOUTIQUE – DAY

Last page: After national visibility and support her popularity soars allowing her to take the plunge and launch her own business.

[James Hernandez]

Day 6 Transformational Events

James’ Transformational Events

What I learned doing this assignment is… the transformational events give me the meat of my story where the heart of the protagonist evolves. This offers a glimpse into the essence of the character and how her future may manifest itself.

Character Arc: from having a subservient mindset to being a boss with her own business.

Jessica Blue’s Old Ways:

1. Putting others before herself.

2. Being a subservient worker in all job roles.

3. Keeping good ideas to herself.

4. Lacking outward ambition

Jessica Blue’s New Ways:

1. Takes care of her well-being first.

2. Becomes more proactive to create opportunities for herself.

3. Expresses career enhancing ideas.

4. Puts forth her ambition to establish her own business.

List of 6 – 8 changes or steps that need to happen for that character to go from who they are in the beginning (Old Ways) to who they are in the ending (New Ways):

· Jessica stands up to her boss.

· Starts using her ideas for her own benefit.

· Follows through on starting her podcast.

· Decides to distance herself from her past sex industry work.

· Helps Rufus deal with his past; becomes a friendly ear.

· Starts an online empowerment group for women.

· She is asked by Rufus if she would like a position in his business.

· Starts her own business.

Sequence the steps from easiest to most difficult. This will imply the journey the character takes:

· Jessica stands up to her boss.

· Decides to distance herself from her past sex industry work.

· Starts using her ideas for her own benefit.

· Helps Rufus deal with his past; becomes a friendly ear.

· Follows through on starting her podcast.

· Starts an online empowerment group for women.

· She is asked by Rufus if she would like a position in his business.

· Starts her own business.

Brainstorm dramatic events or tests that could cause those changes for the character:

· Jessica’s boss continues to be impossible in demanding more work hours causing her to reach a tipping point and stands up for herself.

· She knows she’s getting closer to Rufus in addition to wanting to start anew due to his high expectations in a girlfriend; this causes her to distance herself from her past.

· She decides to use her former customers as a fan base to grow support for a potential business which causes anger in her former boss; uses her own ideas.

· She catches Rufus reminiscing about his past and gains knowledge of heartbreak he suffered; helps him deal with his past.

· She finds herself without steady work and now or never in making her own business a reality, so she starts her own podcast.

· The podcast is a success with a growing fanbase causing her to start an online empowerment group for women.

· Jessica’s visibility grows nationally causing Rufus to take notice; he asks if she would like a position in his business, which she declines.

· After national visibility and support her popularity soars allowing her to take the plunge and launch her own business.

Add these transformational events to your four-act structure:

Act 1:

· Opening: Jessica is on her way to an elderly customer’s home for a sales visit and on a combative call with her boss who doesn’t appreciate, or doesn’t recognize, the worth she brings to the company.

· Inciting Incident: Jessica quits her sex toys sales job and seeks a new vision for her life.

· Turning Point: With much trepidation, Jessica decides to pursue a potential relationship with Rufus who was captivated by her from the start.

Act 2:

· New plan: Jessica returns to her sex toys sales job, but with the intent to ask for a higher salary.

· Jessica’s boss continues to be impossible in demanding more work hours causing her to reach a tipping point and stands up for herself.

· She knows she’s getting closer to Rufus in addition to wanting to start anew due to his high expectations in a girlfriend; this causes her to distance herself from her past.

· Plan in action

· Midpoint Turning Point: Rufus learns about Jessica’s past sex industry work causing a rift in the relationship.

Act 3:

· She decides to use her former customers as a fan base to grow support for a potential business which causes anger in her former boss; uses her own ideas.

· Rethink everything: Jessica plans to launch her own business using modern social media techniques to draw attention for her boutique.

· New plan

· She catches Rufus reminiscing about his past and gains knowledge of the heartbreak he suffered; helps him deal with his past.

· Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: Rufus walks in on Jessica’s meeting with a former male client and believes the worst; the relationship appears totally unsalvageable.

· She finds herself without steady work and it’s now or never in making her own business a reality, so she starts her own podcast.

Act 4:

· The podcast is a success with a growing fanbase causing her to start an online empowerment group for women.

· Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Jessica has gone forward and faced uncharted waters in her life and took the plunge with her podcast launch. She sends Rufus a message for him to listen to the podcast’s first episode. Jessica pours her heart and soul out expressing the misunderstanding that took place. He’s moved with the gesture and realizes at that moment she’s the one for him.

· Jessica’s visibility grows nationally causing Rufus to take notice; he asks if she would like a position in his business, which she declines.

· Resolution: Jessica and Rufus deepen their relationship and become a couple knowing each one helped the other overcome their pasts and now they face the future with newfound love, energy and spirit.

· After national visibility and support her popularity soars allowing her to take the plunge and launch her own business.

[James Hernandez]

Day 5 Four-Act Transformational Structure

James’ 4 Act Transformational Structure

What I learned doing this assignment is… the old and new ways offer me the opportunity to expand my story in directions I initially did not consider. These new directions in turn deepen the script that will eventually lead to the necessary details.

1. Give us the following:

· Concept: An unappreciated sex toys saleswoman gets a new job as a hostess at a five-star restaurant and learns a rich patron is very much interested in her, only to discover they’re a perfect complementing match and now she must hide her past to make the relationship work and tasteful.

· Main Conflict: Both Jessica and Rufus have individual pasts that influence them in the present with their decision-making and relationships. The glimmer of hope is that they have a chance to help each other find love especially when it’s right in front of them.

· Jessica Blue Old Ways:

1. Putting others before herself.

2. Being a subservient worker in all job roles.

3. Keeping good ideas to herself.

4. Lacking outward ambition.

· Jessica Blue New Ways:

1. Takes care of her well-being first.

2. Becomes more proactive to create opportunities for herself.

3. Expresses career enhancing ideas.

4. Puts forth her ambition to establish her own business.

2. Fill in each of these with the answers you have right now.

Act 1:

· Opening: Jessica is on her way to an elderly customer’s home for a sales visit and on a combative call with her boss who doesn’t appreciate, or doesn’t recognize, the worth she brings to the company.

· Inciting Incident: Jessica quits her sex toys sales job and seeks a new vision for her life.

· Turning Point: With much trepidation, Jessica decides to pursue a potential relationship with Rufus who was captivated by her from the start.

Act 2:

· New plan: Jessica returns to her sex toys sales job, but with the intent to ask for a higher salary.

· Plan in action

· Midpoint Turning Point: Rufus learns about Jessica’s past sex industry work causing a rift in the relationship.

Act 3:

· Rethink everything: Jessica plans to launch her own business using modern social media techniques to draw attention for her boutique.

· New plan

· Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: Rufus walks in on Jessica’s meeting with a former male client and believes the worst; the relationship appears totally unsalvageable.

Act 4:

· Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Jessica has gone forward and faced uncharted waters in her life and took the plunge with her podcast launch. She sends Rufus a message for him to listen to the podcast’s first episode. Jessica pours her heart and soul out expressing the misunderstanding that took place. He’s moved with the gesture and realizes at that moment she’s the one for him.

· Resolution: Jessica and Rufus deepen their relationship and become a couple knowing each one helped the other overcome their pasts and now they face the future with newfound love, energy and spirit.

[James Hernandez]

Day 3 Character Profiles Part 2

James’ Character Profiles Part 2

What I learned doing this assignment is the characters are becoming alive for me. They are telling me their innermost insecurities, pain and hope for their lives. I’m also developing a new understanding for my story as the layers of subtext are making themselves known.

Protagonist: Jessica Blue’s additional character components:

· What draws us to this character? Jessica is a hard worker who meets many people during her day and knows how to handle each situation with quick-thinking, courage and wit.

· Traits: mentally sharp, polite, sarcastic, dedicated to work

· Subtext: conceals her past sex industry work, uses her diplomacy to ease situations

· Flaw: she is loyal to her work to a fault

· Values: passion for work, good customer service

· Irony: she has all the smarts and tools, but is unable to launch her own business

· What makes this the right character for this role? Jessica’s knowledge of the sex industry allows her to deal with her boss’ customers diplomatically and with patience. It’s been a long road for her, but she gains new purpose every day applying what’s learned into practice.

Love interest/Change agent: Rufus Winter’s additional character components:

· What draws us to this character? Rufus is a broken man who feels his life is slipping away, yet finds the will to search for and regain vitality. He’s a man getting a second chance at love, which creates a rooting interest.

· Traits: entrepreneur, prankster

· Subtext: evades discussion of his painful past, he’s cautious when new people enter his life

· Flaw: lets the pain of his past influence the present

· Values: business enhancement, money

· Irony: he knows has to overcome the hurt caused by a long-ago lover, but allows the memory take hold of him

· What makes this the right character for this role? Rufus is the right character by which he complements Jessica in the relationship they pursue. He helps her with her flaw, and she makes his past pain wither away.

[James Hernandez]

Day 2 Who Are We Traveling With

James’ Character Profiles Part 1

What I learned doing this assignment is by starting with the fill in the blanks approach leads me to further character development and story extrapolation which rounds out the details of the script. It is a targeted brainstorm session that lets me see potential scenes, situations and dialogue.

The protagonist is Jessica Blue, the hero of the story, who is on the journey of change where she follows her ambitions even though at first she is hindered by the lack of decisive action. She’s the love interest of the story’s change agent.

The love interest or story antagonist is Rufus Winter who serves as the change agent as he helps Jessica adjust with new circumstances in her life (business and social); some being of which totally new experiences.

The supporting characters include Jessica’s best friend, her tyrant boss, all of her customers and new people she meets along her journey.

The minor roles would include Rufus’ business associates, his personal staff and all the people he meets on his dealings.

Romantic comedy is the genre for this story.

Jessica Blue:

· Role in the story: she’s the protagonist who will go on the transformational journey.

· Age range and Description: she’s in her late 20s. She’s very sharp in many ways and does not know it yet, but could be ultra-attractive if she wanted to.

· Internal Journey: from having a subservient mindset to being her own boss.

· External Journey: from being trapped in dead-end worker roles to owning her own business

· Motivation:

· Wound: she never knew her mother as she passed when Jessica was very young; she feels she missed out on female sensibility in her life.

· Mission/Agenda: she wants to open a boutique.

· Secret:

· What makes them special? She’s a very quick learner and mentally sharp.

Rufus Winter:

· Role in the story: he’s the love interest who will serve as the change agent even though he’ll have a transformation of his own.

· Age range and Description: he’s in his early 40s. A high-class man with expensive tastes and expects more so in a potential partner in life.

· Internal Journey: from high-class thinking to free-spirit, more accepting of those “beneath” him.

· External Journey: from executive of a single firm to entrepreneur of diverse companies.

· Motivation: making more money the better

· Wound: has not had a relationship since his college days. Perhaps had his heart broken.

· Mission/Agenda:

· Secret:

· What makes them special? He’s a wealthy businessman, but deep down he’s a caring man.

[James Hernandez]

Day1 The Transformational Journey

James’ Transformational Journey

What I learned doing this assignment is by having an idea for my beginning and endpoints allows me to brainstorm specific scenes that will show the progression of my character’s arc (her internal and external journeys). These scenes would demonstrate the old ways getting challenged leading to the new ways which then reveals the change in the character.

The Hero: Jessica Blue

Character Arc:

· Internal Journey: from having a subservient mindset to being her own boss

· External Journey: from being trapped in dead-end worker roles to owning her own business

The Old Ways and New Ways:

Jessica Old Ways:

1. Putting others before herself.

2. Being a subservient worker in all job roles.

3. Keeping good ideas to herself.

4. Lacking outward ambition.

Jessica New Ways:

1. Takes care of her well-being first.

2. Becomes more proactive to create opportunities for herself.

3. Expresses career enhancing ideas.

4. Puts forth her ambition to establish her own business.

[James Hernandez]

1. James A. Hernandez

2. I’ve written 10 features, 2 TV movies and 1 short.

3. I’m hoping to become a much faster writer that can generate at least four new drafts a year.

4. Something unusual, strange, and/or special about me is that I can change with my characters.

[James Hernandez]

1. James A. Hernandez

2. I agree to the terms of this release form.

[James Hernandez]

James’ Max Interest Two

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is by inserting interest techniques in my scenes I’m able to open up possibilities I originally did not notice. This applies not only to story, but to character nuances I previously did not consider.

Scene logline: Denny advises Pappy to stand up to Assante and never back down.

Essence: Denny has to protect Pappy and offers him a stern caution.

Interest techniques used: hook, dilemma, uncomfortable moment, anticipatory dialogue, creating a future

Scene:

INT. DINER – NIGHT

Denny “The Milk” taps his fingers in front of Pappy in a booth. The silence between them is loud until:

PAPPY

I never thought becoming a man would be so hard.

DENNY

More so in our world.

PAPPY

Should I stop my pursuit? And remain a half man?

A beat.

PAPPY

How was your first experience?

DENNY

I’m keeping a low profile.

The waitress comes over with orange juice and carrot cake.

DENNY

Thank you, Mami.

Denny devours the carrot cake like he hasn’t eaten in days. Pappy and the waitress gawk in wonder.

PAPPY

He’ll probably order seconds.

She shakes her head and leaves.

PAPPY

I just can’t believe my second deflowering party would be ruined. And Assante’s to blame.

DENNY

Do you feel the need to hit back?

Pappy slowly nods.

DENNY

Once you’re in, there’s no return.

Anger exudes through Pappy’s pores.

DENNY

You have info at the ready.

A beat.

PAPPY

The shipment.

Denny moves his face inches from Pappy’s.

DENNY

Hit back.

PAPPY

Thanks, Denny.

DENNY

The Milk.

PAPPY

Thanks, The Milk.

Pappy storms out with a clear focus.

[James Hernandez]

James’ Marketing Plan

What I learned doing this assignment is that I have to start researching producers and making myself known to industry creatives. This will also be a marathon requiring much persistence and unwavering dedication.

Email example:

Subject line: A Business Inquiry…

Hi Mackey,

Thank you for your time. I noticed through my research that you concentrate in Action movies. That happens to be my speciality, also.

I just wanted to let you know that if you ever need a writer, I will dedicate my specialization in Action movies to complete a screenplay matching your parameters and requirements.

If so, I am available to do writing assignments, which includes rewriting a screenplay, adapting a book, or writing a screenplay from your idea.

Of course, I’d be happy to send you a writing sample, so you know the quality of my work.

Let me know if you need anything.

Best regards, James A. Hernandez

Three things to do when I am ready to start marketing:

1. Research producers that focus on my specialization.

2. Get my writing samples to the highest quality possible; get my loglines, synopses, and marketing materials ready.

3. Reach out to producers who would most likely offer writing assignments in my specialty.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James’ Plan for Increasing Perceived Value

What I learned doing this assignment is that the bottom line is to constantly write in my speciality to produce inventory which would then be samples of my work. This would then improve my expertise creating more marketable writing samples.

Speciality description: I specialize in the Action genre and have written two completed and marketable scripts that I will develop to be used as writing sample and leverage.

Plan for increasing my value:

A. Today: I will polish my current script and pursue industry interest that focuses on the genre I specialize in.

B. In the next 30 to 60 days: I will rewrite another script and make it as market ready as possible; make this script my strongest writing sample. The goal is to make myself credible in the eyes of producers who may then feel confident I can write for them successfully.

C. In the next 6 months: I will attempt to write two more marketable scripts in my speciality and pursue any industry contacts I may have at the end of this time frame. The goal here is to increase my expertise and have more marketable samples of my work.

[James Hernandez]

James’ Rewrite of Francine’s Treatment

What I learned doing this assignment is that writing a treatment offers me solutions and options in developing a screenplay without writing the full script. It’s much better to test the story before going to the writing phase.

As a producer, I found myself exploring aspects of my story that I had not considered, which is good because I could then develop the screenplay to its fullest potential. This gave me options to think about and possibly implement.

As a writer, I discovered questions that helped in developing the producer’s vision, which could also assist me in other projects as well. Recognizing the aspects of the producer’s story that were most important allowed me to include them in the treatment; and informed me what to exclude.

Rewriting the treatment allowed me to decipher and/or place in order the essential parts of the producer’s story. This includes the structure which once it is developed and built would help to add, delete and/or change scenes between the beats in future drafts.

Rewrite of Francine’s Treatment

Act 1

JENNY and OSCAR (both in their 30s), seemingly have a normal life with their two children BILLY and JACK. However, the two-year-old son, Billy, dies in a freak accident that no one can explain how it happened. Jenny and Oscar box up Billy’s clothes and carry the boxes to the attic. Jenny appears more affected than Oscar by the child’s death, as their older son, Jack, who is seven years old just stares at the site where Billy died. Jenny’s mother brings the couple food and helps her daughter with household chores. She tells her mother that Oscar is distant and unfazed by the death of the youngest child.

Why is Oscar unfazed and Jack so calm with Billy’s death?

Soon after Oscar says he’s going for a swim to clear his head. But Jenny realizes that Jack is not around. She then finds Jack standing by the pool all alone but hasn’t learned how to swim yet. He teeters over the edge of the pool to grab a toy that’s fallen in the water and is floating near the edge of the pool. Jenny yells to Oscar to forget his swimsuit and go to the pool right now, and stop Jack from falling in. Oscar runs down and gives Jack a talk about not going near the pool when alone. Oscar comes across as insincere and Jack is still calm and stone-faced.

Jenny becomes concerned with her family’s well-being due to the hazards appearing all over the house. She installs a two-way mirror on the wall between her son’s room and her office, to keep an eye on him while she works at her desk.

Jenny’s problems have only just begun as she now knows there is something happening to her family, but doesn’t understand what it is. Will she discover the answers to her worries?

Act 2

Jenny works and watches her son play. She starts to notice things happening in the house – flickering lights, cold spots, human sounds gasping for air, pounding footsteps, breaking glass, and unexplained phenomenon. Then she hears her son talking to someone, but there is no one else in the room. She brings this up to her husband who is uncomfortable with the two-way mirror, says it’s creepy and could be why she’s acting paranoid. She dismisses him and asks her son about who he talks to. He said he’s not allowed to say, or “he’ll get mad.”

Jenny’s anxiety rises to a level she’s never experienced.

To find some kind of solace, Jenny has a play party, inviting the neighbours over and they bring their two-year-old daughter Katie. She plays with Jack who just stares at the little girl. Jenny privately brings up the previous incident with Jack to Oscar who dismisses it immediately as an imaginary friend. He leaves the party early for a “work call.” Determined to find an answer, Jenny seeks counsel with her mother, MILDRED (50s) – a very religious woman. Jenny and her mother watch Jack play with his toys through the two-way mirror.

Nothing suspicious happens. For now.

Immediately afterwards in the kitchen, the lights flicker and they find awful smelling yellow powder by Jack’s snack cupboard – sulfur. Mildred says she needs to consult her priest. For days Jenny watches like a hawk behind the two-way mirror as her son plays and talks to his imaginary friend. One day, Jack turns to the mirror and smiles, as if he can see his mother watching him. She turns away and decides to grab coffee. In the kitchen, she finds her husband pilfering junk food from Jack’s snack cupboard. She reprimands him, then realizes, could he be the one responsible for the mysteries surrounding the household.

Is Jack or Oscar possessed? Jenny is desperate to uncover the truth.

The priest, FATHER HANLEY (60s), finally arrives with a leather bag and large cross. She leads him upstairs quietly and into the office to prepare for an exorcism. They watch Jack play through the two-way mirror. Fr. Hanley starts to panic, and looks to Jenny, not understanding her composure. He is seeing things in the mirror that she can’t see. He becomes hysterical, describing the child doing awful things and hiding weapons under the bed. The priest begins to hear voices and claws at his ears. Hysterical, he jumps out of the window and hits the ground, dead. Jenny looks through the two-way mirror, sees Jack staring at the window after hearing the noise. He laughs, shakes his head and goes back to playing.

Can Jenny recover and save her family?

Oscar and Jack create Jack-O-Lanterns, which is odd given it’s summer. Jenny watches from behind the two-way mirror trying to figure out who could be the possessed one. She sees a dark shadow pass behind them, rubs her eyes, not sure what she saw. Then sees in the corner one of Billy’s boxes from the attic ripped open, the toys arranged on the bed. Furious, she is about to go in and then sees both Oscar and Jack take the toys and arrange some of them to be in the Jack-O-Lanterns – how could they be so heartless? She storms in and talks to her husband, who acts eerily cool. Jack watches with a creepy calmness, not scared of getting in trouble.

Did they have something to do with the untimely death of her youngest child?

Freaked out, Jenny once again seeks counsel from her mother – tells her everything. Her mother says it’s impossible, Oscar would never harm Billy, and Jack is too young to think such evil thoughts. Jenny is not convinced. The following weekend, she is invited to the neighbour’s house and watches Jack just staring at Katie. They seem to be innocently playing, but Jack looks downright strange. Jenny notices her husband smirking at the kids. She isn’t sure what to make of it, but doesn’t want anyone else to get hurt. She decides to take drastic action and calls an exorcist for help.

Will an exorcism be successful?

Act 3

Jenny serves a “special” dinner as a disguise for her true intentions. She watches as both Oscar and Jack get drowsy and pass out. They wake up in Jack’s room, tied up. Jenny tries an exorcism on them to figure out which one is possessed. Jack cries. Oscar is enraged. After tensions rise, the doorbell rings. Jenny answers to find the new exorcist she called.

In Jack’s room, the exorcist starts his process and Jenny throws holy water on a rageful Oscar and tearful Jack. She glances at the mirror after seeing a shadow. The images in the mirror show a demon morphing out of Oscar’s image and standing up. It smirks and escapes the mirror. Both Oscar and Jack scream horrified. They both are clearly not possessed.

The priest shifts his attention, continuing the exorcism on the new target. The demon throws the priest against the wall and goes after Oscar who’s helpless and tied to the bed. Jack squeezes his eyes shut the whole time as Oscar is murdered. In shock, Jenny takes the bible and continues trying the exorcism, in tears. The demon turns to Jack. Jenny sees this and runs to her son to protect him. But doesn’t make it in time. However, the priest manages to get in the demon’s path and is murdered. Jenny tries to stop the demon by attacking it with the large cross. It turns to her next, as she collapses to the ground, having lost everything. The demon smirks at the dead bodies surrounding it.

Months later. The house is packed and put on sale by Mildred. She says a prayer to herself for her deceased daughter and grandsons, then leaves. The house is sold to an expectant mother who looks forward to minding her five-year-old child through the two-way mirror while working in her office. Good luck to the expectant mother.

[James Hernandez]

James is a Note Taking Professional!

What I learned doing this assignment is that taking and applying notes could be a fun process. The brainstorming which could lead to alternative angles and/or story elements can improve the screenplay and possibly make it even much better. This can give rise to other stories worth exploring and eventually writing.

Logline: A detective is tasked to find and bring to justice a group of young, vengeful women who prey on depraved men luring and exploiting youngsters for their own twisted fun.

– Cut the budget in half.

The current budget for this thriller is 5 to 10 million. To cut the budget in half, I’ll move the setting from the big city (NYC) to a small rural location. This will eliminate the expensive shots of any landmarks, reduce or do away with crowd control and possibly minimize the need for city permits for filming. Making the film in a small rural city, could then reduce the number of locations within the story.

– Write it for a different audience (quadrant).

Currently, the audience is for females and males under 25 entertainment. The characters in the story are young (under 25) as well. Perhaps, by creating more “adult” characters this story may then appeal to an older demographic. Changing the storylines that would explore more mature subject matter, instead of solely a conventional thriller may then appeal to an older audience.

– Double the conflict.

The plot currently reads as a cat and mouse chase between a detective and the young women killers. Maybe by adding more members on both the detective and killer “sides” might increase the conflict. This addition of characters would increase the stakes for the authorities and young women criminals. If there’s more at stake, the characters would then collide to ensure their agendas are not affected by the opposing forces.

– Change the sex and age of the lead character.

Currently, the lead character is a male detective in his late 40s. If the lead is changed to a young female officer in her late 20s, the story would take on a new dynamic. She would then battle against women who are close to her age. This would change the strategy the police will undertake to nab the young female criminals. There would be similarities or rapport in the story between characters adding to the tension and drama. Perhaps, the young female detective is given an opportunity to prove herself in a male dominated profession.

– Change the genre.

The current genre is a thriller that involves a serious hunt for young women killers. By making the story a comedy, the lead detective could then be a character with a wild sense of humor who is unfazed by the lethal actions the youngsters take. As a comedy, maybe the women make their victims cry instead of murdering them. They then film these sobbing men who might be adulterers and give the recordings to the news media exposing their faults in life.

[James Hernandez]

James’ Decreased Budget

What I learned doing this assignment is that I have to be continuously creative with my story by making practical changes that achieve the same objective for the scene/story. Essentially, I need to have brainstorm sessions to create alternate options for the dramatic goals in my scenes/story.

Budget Variables:

1. Expensive location (high budget variable): I initially had locations set in exotic cities with landmarks including large crowds. I was trying to add production value by having the characters interact in large pressure situations, dramatic goal. But by setting the locations in rural areas, I can have an intimate story that is more character focused and achieves the same dramatic goal.

2. Stunts and fight scenes (high budget variable): I initially had two supporting characters rappel down a hill which would have been a cool visual adding to production value. The dramatic goal was to present the antagonists as skilled assassins capable of doing any daring feat. I can accomplish this capability by having the antagonists just run through tough terrain making them appear ruthless and focused on carrying out their mission.

3. Explosions and firearms: I had a character blow himself up in order to show his commitment to the hero of the story. Now, instead of showing the supporting character kill himself, I can have the hero hear the sound of the explosion from a distance indicating the suicide without actually seeing the dismemberment of the human body. This would still have the dramatic effect through the hero’s facial and/or emotional reaction to the explosion.

4. Kids: The hero had a daughter that was underaged (16 years old). But by making her an adult at 18 years of age, I can then avoid the regulations associated with having a minor on a movie production.

5. Extensive make-up: Some of the characters due to fighting scenes/sequences had facial wounds, which would require special make-up. An alternative would be to have slash wounds on arms or legs requiring less specialized cosmetics; this could even have more of an impact on audiences by showing more blood.

[James Hernandez]

James’ Fantastic Treatment

What I learned doing this assignment is how to streamline a treatment by including and combining only the essentials like business decisions, structure and story components as required by the producer. This makes the treatment a “living document” that will change until the producer’s vision is completely captured.

Title: V-Women

Genre: Thriller

Logline: A detective is tasked to find and bring to justice a group of young, vengeful women who prey on depraved men luring and exploiting youngsters for their own twisted fun.

3 Act Structure presented with 8 Sequences

Act I

Two young women, Sandy and Mandy (aliases), prey on their latest victim at a swanky bar in the Big Apple. The older male patron enjoys the company provided by the luscious youngsters. After intense and enticing small talk, the trio makes a connection and leave for a hotel. A third woman, Tandy, follows the trio to the hotel and waits outside; she’s the lookout in case of any unforeseen circumstances emerge. Detective Brock has these young women on his radar, yet his public, political aspirations have put his police duties on the backburner, for now.

Sandy and Mandy learn their prey’s name, Louis. Then they all get comfortable on the bed in the hotel room. The young women proceed with their killing ritual that causes the victim a slow, painful death. The police investigate the crime scene in the classy hotel room. Detective Brock, one of the best in the city as regarded by his peers, but wanting to retire from the force is persuaded to take the case. He has double narratives in his life; one being his professional work/life and the other a failing marriage which has given him the opportunity to pursue lust with a mistress.

Another detective who was on the trail of the killing trio of youngsters is found dead in his car. Detective Brock knew the slain officer and vows to bring the killers to justice. The commonality in the murders is a large “V” carved into the victims’ chests, which led the authorities to call the killers the V Women. Brock’s decision to pursue the case causes further strain in the relationship with his wife, as she suspects adultery.

Act II

Brock gets closer to the preying suspects who in turn start investigating him due to his public dealings and presence. This “investigation” leads the young women to the detective’s wife who summons them to work their operation on him. At this point both parties are searching and learning about each other leading them to their most detailed and intimate lives. The detective grows frustrated compelling him to further his relationship with his mistress giving the women more information to relay to his wife.

The backstory is revealed where a friend of the young women was raped then killed by a deranged predator. This gave them the mission to exact justice on as many men as possible; they believe this mission will purify the world. The detective being also a curious man whereby he’s enthralled with the manner in which these female killers have not gotten caught inspire him to meet them. The detective and the V women arrange a meeting, but he does not know this arrangement is a sting to possibly kill him or provide more damaging evidence to his estranged wife.

Detective Brock surmises the clue leading him to the women turns out to be strategically placed to get him alone in a motel room. The V women excite and entice Brock which causes him pleasure revealing a somewhat unsavory behavior. He is chained up, put literally in a bind and prepared to be sacrificed. As the women prepare to exact their justice through the killing ritual, he attempts to negotiate to save his life. The youngsters humor him and hear him out. They propose that he come clean to his wife and/or forget about the case.

Act III

Tandy calls Sandy and Mandy to give them a heads up that Brock’s partner is on his way to the room. His doubting partner shows up and saves the detective’s life. The young women escape before the partner arrives, but now the detective has seen them up close and personal. Him and his partner scramble to the wife’s apartment to mend his relationship with her, but they’re too late as it is revealed she sent the youngsters to kill him for his violations of trust and fidelity.

Detective Brock knows if his infidelity comes out to the public, it will ruin his political aspirations and ultimately his life. Knowing this revelation could go public through the wife’s announcement, the detective decides to “close” the case and leave matters as they are. The detective decides on an early retirement leaving his partner as the only other person knowing the truth. The partner then is challenged morally and ethically on a police officer’s conscience. But Sandy, Mandy and Tandy make Brock a target and plan out his demise.

[James Hernandez]

James’ Producer Interview Experience

What I learned doing this assignment is that there will be a constant dialogue exchange with the producer until the final draft is reached, written and approved. This lends itself to numerous brainstorming sessions solving, developing, and trying new possibilities for the story.

The experience being the producer was one of deciding what I wanted most to make sense in terms of story, characters and messaging, which I really did not totally consider initially. As the producer, I recognized the true value of the writer who is a vital part of my team and a person I will have an extended relationship with until the movie wraps.

The experience being the writer was one of trying to get to the essence of the producer’s vision. This included all story facets like story narrative, characters, complications, ideas for the possibility of sequels (if that’s what the producer envisions) and all other considerations I understood to be important to get the movie made. I was also a sounding board which gave me a true sense of being on a cohesive unit.

[James Hernandez]

Hello fellow scribes, does anyone need a partner for this assignment? I’m located in the eastern time zone.

[James Hernandez]

James’ Synopsis for Producer Interview

Title: V-Women

Genre: Thriller

Logline: A detective is tasked to find and bring to justice a group of young women who prey on depraved men luring and exploiting youngsters for their own twisted fun.

Synopsis: The young women prey on their latest victim at a bar in the Big Apple. The police find the man dead in a classy hotel room. The detective, one of the best in the city as regarded by his peers, is given the case to find the young killers. He has double narratives in his life; one being his work and the other a failing marriage which has given him the opportunity to pursue lust with a mistress.

The detective gets closer to the preying suspects who in turn start investigating him. At this point both parties are searching and learning about each other leading them to their most detailed and intimate lives. The detective grows frustrated compelling him to further his relationship with his mistress giving the women more information to relay to his wife.

The detective surmises a clue leading him to the women’s next victim, but it turns out the clue was strategically placed to get him alone in a motel room. The young women escape before the partner arrives, but now the detective has seen them up close and personal. Ultimately, the detective decides to “close” the case and leave matters as they are; the detective decides on an early retirement and the only other person knowing the truth is his partner who will be challenged morally and ethically on a police officer’s conscience.

[James Hernandez]

James’ Action Writing Sample Plan

What I learned doing this assignment is that by preparing a writing sample I can brainstorm powerful events in the story without having to write the whole script; a means of testing the story (material). This allows for the use of the interest techniques to develop the screenplay and informs me if it can go the distance in terms of capturing and maintaining the audience on the edge of their seats.

Setup: Sebastian is an aging assassin who finds himself on the run in an attempt to protect his teenage daughter’s life. Prior to this final mission, Sebastian sought out a priest to help him save his soul and somehow achieve redemption. As opposing killers closed in, Father Nicholas becomes entangled in Sebastian’s undertaking as now all three must seek refuge to stay alive.

EXT. WOODED AREA – DAY

A JEEP jets and crisscrosses on a dirt road. The vehicle comes inches away from the trees on the path. But the side doors SCRAPE on the sharp turns.

The driver is SEBASTIAN (40s) who is highly skilled not only in driving, but in the methods of eliminating lives. A quintessential assassin.

SEBASTIAN

Are they still behind us?!

In the passenger seat is FATHER NICHOLAS (50s) who is dressed in full priest attire, clutches a Bible wrapped with a rosary and knows he has entered what is hell on earth.

He turns and checks the rear.

FATHER NICHOLAS

I don’t see them. Let’s go to the authorities.

Strapped in the rear seat is MEGAN (late teens), she appears calm and displays a controlled demeanor.

SEBASTIAN

Are you alright back there?

MEGAN

Still in one piece.

They reach an abandoned shack as the jeep comes to a stop.

SEBASTIAN

This ride ends here.

FATHER NICHOLAS

Where are we? I can’t go on. I have my parish.

Sebastian steps out followed by Megan and Fr. Nicholas.

Sebastian retrieves a gas can and douses the jeep’s interior. Then tosses a lighter inside giving birth to a fire. The jeep morphs into a crispy skeleton of a vehicle.

FATHER NICHOLAS

What are you doing? How will we get out of here?

Sebastian darts towards the shack. Megan and Fr. Nicholas follow. Sebastian opens the wooden door to reveal a black four door sedan. They enter.

INT. SHACK – CONTINUOUS

The interior looks like a utility room. A lantern rests on a shelf making it the only source of light.

Sebastian grabs blankets from the side wall.

SEBASTIAN

We stay here tonight. By morning we should be in the clear.

FATHER NICHOLAS

Sebastian, please I’ve done all I can. I am of no further use. And it’ll be dark soon.

SEBASTIAN

Fr. Nicholas, you can’t go back. You’ll be sliced meat.

Fr. Nicholas makes the sign of the cross.

SEBASTIAN

You’re involved.

Megan wipes the sweat off her forehead, concerned.

MEGAN

Do you have water? And something to eat?

SEBASTIAN

Check the trunk.

Sebastian gives Megan the corresponding key as she opens a cooler and reaches for a water bottle and granola bar.

SEBASTIAN

Have some water.

He offers the priest a bottle which he guzzles down.

FATHER NICHOLAS

Tomorrow I go home.

SEBASTIAN

We’ll let tomorrow decide.

Sebastian pulls out some blankets as they shape makeshift sleeping bags on the floor.

SEBASTIAN

We all need rest.

Fr. Nicholas says a silent prayer. Sebastian and Megan watch until he finishes…

SEBASTIAN

Did you include us?

FATHER NICHOLAS

That’s all I’ve been doing for the last twenty-four hours.

Sebastian turns on the lantern creating light. They get as comfortable as possible and try to fall asleep.

EXT. WOODED SURROUNDINGS – NIGHT

A STALKING FIGURE approaches the shack in the darkness. Fast and in stealth mode. Stops and signals someone to his rear.

The backup stays put and waits as the stalker approaches the shack. He slowly opens the door and finds Megan asleep. His search is over.

He enters and pulls out a handgun.

INT. SHACK – CONTINUOUS

The lantern offers a dim glow. The stalker creeps up towards Megan and takes aim. POW!

The stalker’s gun is kicked from his hand and flies to the opposite side.

Fr. Nicholas and Megan quickly awaken as Sebastian fights to the death with the intruder.

BODY BLOWS are exchanged causing Sebastian to grimace in pain.

STALKER

Age is catching up.

SEBASTIAN

You’d be lucky to reach my age.

Sebastian lunges at the stalker and exchange a flurry of PUNCHES and KICKS.

The stalker SLAMS a combination into Sebastian’s leg and ribs incapacitating him.

The stalker turns to Megan and whips out a dagger.

STALKER

No more running.

Megan jumps into a fighting stance as the stalker raises the dagger and moves in.

Megan readies to protect. BANG! BANG! BANG! The stalker holds his side and chest, wounded.

Fr. Nicholas stands with the smoking gun in hand. A hand that shakes because of the terror before him.

THUD! The stalker collapses onto the ground, dead.

Sebastian manages to stand and sees the other stalker waiting outside run for cover.

SEBASTIAN

Bravery is not for everyone.

Fr. Nicholas drops the gun, shell-shocked. He shivers uncontrollably.

Megan steps to Fr. Nicholas and picks up the gun. She checks the clip.

MEGAN

It was fully loaded.

She hands the gun to Sebastian who adds it to his arsenal.

SEBASTIAN

Their kind, like me, leave little to chance.

Megan hugs Fr. Nicholas in an attempt to console him.

MEGAN

Thank you.

FATHER NICHOLAS

I’ve done nothing to deserve thanks.

SEBASTIAN

You did what had to be done.

FATHER NICHOLAS

I’ve taken a life. I sealed my damnation.

SEBASTIAN

That wasn’t a sin Father. You saved a life. My daughter’s life.

FATHER NICHOLAS

I am a man of the cloth. The cloth.

SEBASTIAN

But first you are a man.

Fr. Nicholas staggers on his feet as he contemplates the corpse.

FATHER NICHOLAS

I return home tomorrow. And start my penance.

SEBASTIAN

Your only option is to stick with me going forward.

FATHER NICHOLAS

I’ve heard enough from you Sebastian.

Sebastian points to a mark in his line of sight.

SEBASTIAN

Twenty yards away stood his backup.

FATHER NICHOLAS

And?

SEBASTIAN

Whoever he was, got a good look at you when you fired.

Fr. Nicholas grimaces as his life is compromised.

SEBASTIAN

You’re his target now.

Fr. Nicholas wants to sob, disheartened. He retrieves his Bible and rosary.

SEBASTIAN

You’re no longer a man of the cloth.

FATHER NICHOLAS

Then tell what I am!

SEBASTIAN

You’re still helping me save my soul. But right now, you’re helping me keep my daughter alive. And I help you, stay alive.

Fr. Nicholas shakes his head but understands his predicament. He places the Bible and rosary on the shelf.

FATHER NICHOLAS

What’s next?

SEBASTIAN

I’ve got extra pants, shirts and jackets in that bin. They should fit.

Megan darts over to the bin and assists Fr. Nicholas with selecting a new outfit.

They pair up articles of clothing.

FATHER NICHOLAS

These will do.

SEBASTIAN

A new buzzcut should work.

FATHER NICHOLAS

Buzzcut?

SEBASTIAN

It won’t hurt.

FATHER NICHOLAS

I know. I was a military chaplain.

SEBASTIAN

So you’ll be comfortable with your new look.

Fr. Nicholas nods in agreement.

SEBASTIAN

In time you’ll also have facial hair.

FATHER NICHOLAS

How long are we going to be on the run?

SEBASTIAN

Don’t know.

FATHER NICHOLAS

What do you know?

SEBASTIAN

Once Megan’s safely with her mother, I’ll have a clearer view on who our enemies are.

FATHER NICHOLAS

Then what?

SEBASTIAN

Then I know who to kill.

Fr. Nicholas takes hold of his chest with closed eyes.

SEBASTIAN

You will make amends with me afterwards.

FATHER NICHOLAS

It’s going to take more than prayers.

Sebastian embraces Megan and gives her peck on the forehead.

SEBASTIAN

It’ll all be worth it.

Sebastian retrieves canvas sheets and covers the dead body.

EXT. RIVERBANKS – DAY

The black four door sedan pulls up to the river’s edge. Sebastian and Fr. Nicholas step out. Megan remains in the rear seat.

Fr. Nicholas is dressed in slightly oversized jeans along with a flannel shirt covered by a bulky jacket. A buzzcut rounds out the new look.

Sebastian opens the trunk to reveal the wrapped body.

FATHER NICHOLAS

We should have done this last night.

SEBASTIAN

No one can see us for miles.

FATHER NICHOLAS

But no one can hide from God.

Sebastian hoists the torso as Fr. Nicholas latches onto the legs.

SEBASTIAN

I did this once before.

FATHER NICHOLAS

Why doesn’t that surprise me?

They carry the wrapped corpse to the river and maneuver their feet in the water a few inches deep.

SEBASTIAN

Toss as hard as you can. On three. Got it?

Fr. Nicholas nods. Both men brace themselves for a test of strength.

SEBASTIAN

One. Two. Three!

The body is launched into the air with a trajectory of several feet. SPLASH!

SEBASTIAN

…The rocks will keep it below the surface.

They witness the body sink and tread softly with the current.

FATHER NICHOLAS

(bows his head)

Have mercy on us at the hour of our death.

SEBASTIAN

Let’s get breakfast. We have a long ride ahead of us.

FATHER NICHOLAS

I’ll need to call my parish to let them know I won’t be returning any time soon.

SEBASTIAN

You’ll call. At some point.

They return to the car. Megan has gotten out of the vehicle and surveys the land behind them.

Sebastian grows aggravated.

SEBASTIAN

Megan I told you to stay in the car.

Megan continues fixated at something in the distance.

SEBASTIAN

What is it?

MEGAN

I saw someone.

FATHER NICHOLAS

No one can see us for miles?

Sebastian yanks out his 9mm handgun. He crouches forward and investigates…

He reaches a line of trees and peeks around. Nothing.

MAN (O.S.)

Sebastian.

Sebastian spins around and aims his gun at a MAN. The man wears a suspicious bulky vest and carries an item in each hand.

SEBASTIAN

Don’t move! Who are you?

MAN

Listen to me! I don’t have time. I need to give you this.

The man shows a flash drive of sorts in his left hand.

MAN

It has the information to get you to Trena.

SEBASTIAN

How do you know Trena?!

MAN

I’ve been shadowing you for weeks. Our families have known each other for years. Megan and Trena need you to have this.

SEBASTIAN

Why are you doing this?!

MAN

You’re wasting moments your daughter doesn’t have.

The man wants to hand over the drive as Sebastian maintains an intense aim on him.

SEBASTIAN

No! Throw it over.

The man flips the flash drive which Sebastian catches. He quickly inspects it then stuffs in his side pocket.

SEBASTIAN

What’s your name?

At this instant, Sebastian spots TWO MEN scaling down a nearby hill. The man turns to get a look.

MAN

Go Sebastian! I’ll hold them off!

Sebastian freezes not anticipating an attack.

MAN

Go! Save your family! Go save your family! Run!

Sebastian hightails it back to the car as the man charges the rushing assailants…

The man comes within seven feet of the two men who show rifles and prepare to shoot.

The man makes eye contact with the pair, cocks his head back and lets out a YELL from hell simultaneously squeezing the detonator in his right hand. BOOM!

Physical body elements and various colors fly in all directions.

The two men lie unrecognizable with human flesh scattered throughout the premises.

Sebastian gazes at the sight of the explosion.

SEBASTIAN

Pray for him Father.

Sebastian examines the flash drive with a sense of relief.

MEGAN

Who was he Dad?

SEBASTIAN

(makes a fist)

A man who gave it all.

They all get in the idling sedan and speed away.

[James Hernandez]

James’ Key Business Decisions

What I learned doing this assignment is that in most instances the business decisions will take precedent over the writer’s initial vision given the goal is to get the movie made. There’s a balance at play between the story and what can be feasibly achieved.

Key Business Decisions:

– Genre: Action/Drama

– Title: Divine Kill

– Concept: A repentant assassin wanting to escape the profession seeks help from a priest, only to discover they and his daughter are targeted by an underground order of killers.

– Audience: male and female 17 and above

– Budget: 20m to 50m

– Lead Characters: repentant assassin (hero), priest (supporting), daughter (stakes character)

– Journey / Character Arc: hero goes from assassin to saved soul

– Opening / Ending: Opening: the hero, priest and daughter are being chased by a hired killer and a battle takes place ending with the priest shooting the killer dead. Ending: the hero reaches his destination and safely delivers his daughter to her mother.

Elements to improve to make script more marketable: I could include more thriller elements and scale down the drama to improve the genre requirement. This would add more mystery and suspense to the story. I could reduce the budget by making the script more independent material. This would make the script more dependent on character execution with less large-scale scenes. I could make the finale more exciting by creating more of a payoff for the characters. These character storylines need to be setup in Act I and developed in Act II to give the components of Act III full power.

[James Hernandez]

James’ Speciality – Action

What I learned doing this assignment is that by using the genre conventions to first design my story, I’m able to develop and fulfill the requirements that will generate the full potential of the screenplay. The details of the story can then be created around the conventions to flesh it out further. And in the details is where the originality of the story can pop.

Genre: Action

Title: The Bourne Ultimatum

How it delivered on the genre conventions: 1) Purpose- this was a fast-paced movie where the hero searches for answers leading to his true identity and spans from Europe, north Africa and the US. It focuses on the power government agencies have and whether their programs justify all means of application. 2) Demand for action- the hero was sought by “assets” who were instructed by government officials to take him out. In order to survive, there were battles between the assets and hero requiring hand to hand combat, chasing and evading, and specialized skills in “staying hidden.” 3) Mission- was for the hero to evade the assets and learn the truth about his role in the secret program, which led to him learning the truth about his identity. 4)Escalating action- as the story developed the hero’s challenges became more deadly as the assets closed in forcing him to rely on his “training.” 5) Hero- was a government trained assassin proficient in fighting skills, languages, weapons and evasion (survival skills). 6) Antagonists- these were corrupt government officials who wanted to eliminate the hero to protect themselves from prosecution. In turn, this required immediate counter action from the hero to bring his nemeses to justice.

Outline of the movie, highlighting the parts that fulfill the genre: Jason Bourne is introduced evading capture and treating a wound (hero with special skills). His enemies consider him a threat to their governmental positions and send out a full-blown assault to take him out (malicious and corrupt antagonists). Bourne evades being identified while simultaneously pursuing clues to help him learn who he really is (hero with special skills designed for the story). The enemies give their assets the order to kill, yet the hero is able to escape. He has an ally within the agency who will become a key player in achieving his goal.

Bourne defends himself from two assets in Spain and is able to escape with Parsons who helps him (escalation of action as his life is further in peril). His next move is to North Africa where he attempts to confront Daniels who was one of the secret program’s administrators. But his car is blown up and now Bourne faces a lethal fight to the death. These fights get increasingly more intense as we gain more insight on the hero’s abilities (escalation of action as the stakes rise).

Bourne communicates with his ally and displays sharp evasive skills to penetrate the agency (hero gets closer to achieving his mission). This leads him to New York City where his indoctrination into the program began. Here he faces the fiercest challenge yet as all assets have the “kill on sight” order (escalation of action). He manages to outwit everyone and ends up in the room where it all began with the program’s lead official. He now remembers what his real name is, how he was indoctrinated and the lasting consequences for having participated in the program. But as the authorities close in, he jumps out a window and avoids capture. He makes his way to the roof and launches himself into the river below seemingly escaping gunfire (hero displays his skills). Before disappearing, he was able to give his ally incriminating files that led to the arrests of the officials responsible for creating, running and covering up unlawful details of the secret program. Bourne now knows who he is and finds himself on the run to remain invisible once again (hero hides from detection using special skills).

Genre: Action

Title: Taken

How it delivered on the genre conventions: 1) Purpose- this movie was fast-paced that spanned from the US to Paris, France. It focused on crime with far reaching power. 2)Demand for action- the mission/goal was for the hero to rescue his daughter from an organized human smuggling network. In order to accomplish the mission, the hero fought, ran and used his skills as a former CIA agent. Everywhere he turned there was the need for action, which created life and death situations between the hero and the thugs he fought. 3)Mission- was to save his daughter from a hierarchy of thugs which put him in some seemingly inescapable situations. 4)Escalating action- as the story progressed, the hero faced a new layer of the crime network each with its own set of “soldiers” presenting greater stakes. 5)Hero- was a retired CIA agent with deadly fighting skills, knowledgeable in surveillance and electronics, and quick-thinking tactics. 6)Antagonists- these were corrupt and wicked men that carried out their roles by inflicting death if need be. The hero had to move fast to save his daughter before he would never see her again.

Outline of the movie, highlighting the parts that fulfill the genre: Mills is introduced as a lethal government agent by his friends when they gather for an outside dinner (special hero designed for story). He also has an estranged daughter who he always thinks about and is overprotective of but lets her go to Paris with a friend under detailed conditions. His daughter is eventually kidnapped by cunning thugs which launches a pursuit (demand for action). Moments before, Mills gets critical details that will help him find the kidnappers (quick thinking tactics). He learns he has 96 hours to rescue his daughter before she’s gone from the map (specific mission for the hero). As he canvasses the scene of the crime, he discovers the phone card which leads him to the man who first lured the two young women (evil antagonist).

Mills locates the luring thug but is killed causing him to get help elsewhere (resourceful hero). As he searches for his daughter from the tips he discovers, he encounters “soldiers” at every turn making his mission a living hell (escalating action). He finally learns where his daughter is being held through torturing one of the uncooperative thugs (the mission intensifies as time runs out).

Mills finds his daughter at a human auction of young women, where he forces the buyer to bid on his daughter. The daughter is transported out, as he’s caught and set up to be killed. He manages to escape and gives chase after his daughter (these situations demand action).

Mills confronts a hierarchy of thugs (committed antagonists) before he’s able to reach his daughter (escalating action). Once he sees his daughter in the clutches of a sheik, he aims and takes him out (hero with deadly skills).

[James Hernandez]

James’ Credibility is Going Up!

What I learned doing this assignment is that I have little to no credibility. The only parameter I can control is how much material/content I produce. Then depending on the project, I can target industry professionals and screenwriting contests that offer the possibility of moving forward in the business, thus more credibility.

The two steps I’ll take in the next thirty days to increase my credibility is to rewrite and polish my most marketable script. Then I’ll send the screenplay to get coverage and depending on the results my credibility will hopefully be improved.

CREDIBILITY CHECKLIST

=====================

1. Your Writing Sample

My writing sample delivers on the action genre and conventions.

2. Screenwriting Accomplishments

I have had no screenwriting accomplishments.

3. The Google factor

I have no Google results when my name is searched for screenwriting details.

4. Your Network

I currently have no connections within the industry.

5. Education specific to screenwriting

I have a Certificate in Screenwriting from The New School.

I have taken numerous screenwriting courses from ScreenwritingU.

6. Borrowed Credibility

I am currently working with a development executive on a television movie project.

7. IMDB CREDITS

I have no IMDB credits.

8. Other forms of credibility that is related to screenwriting:

I wrote coverage for the production company 4th Row Films based in NYC.

List of possible things I can do to increase my credibility in the future:

1. Keep writing marketable material.

2. Try to network within the industry for those who match the material I write.

3. Use LinkedIn more effectively.

4. Enter targeted screenwriting contests that offer the possibility of placing.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

James’ Projects and Insights

a. An idea that you would like to create: this idea revolves around three young women in their early 20s that exact their brand of justice on men intentionally seeking underage girls to fulfill deranged fantasies. This has been percolating for a few years, yet given the current global headlines, I find this story to be timely. The young women believe they will never get caught and proceed with calculated maneuvering making them truly difficult to capture even with seasoned detectives on their every move. My protagonist is a flawed detective who has political ambitions, and due to his infidelities and questionable decision-making against his wife and others creates turmoil he ultimately cannot overcome. I’m focusing this story as a thriller, where there is a cat and mouse game between the detective and women, a sense of mystery and intrigue as to why these women decided to basically hunt down depraved men, and the final showdown demonstrating that indeed the youngsters will likely never get caught. My working title is V-Women which is symbolic with the “V” they carve on their victims’ chest. The preliminary budget would be $5 to $15 million, as I envision a major metropolitan city to serve as the main setting/backdrop.

b. A finished script: this idea revolves around an assassin who is seeking redemption with the help from a priest. Furthering the assassin’s determination, is the revelation that he fathered a daughter who has become a target. The daughter is of pre-teen age and transported to a desolate distant location by her father and priest. However, they have been tracked down and face a deadly killer. In the middle of the fight, the father and daughter are disabled causing the priest to intervene and take out the hired killer with a bullet. Now there is no choice, but for all three to flee and make sense of their lives. They must then devise and/or seek assistance to right the wrongs of their pasts. This is a basic action story with lots of fighting sequences, evading and planning that the characters undertake. The current budget would be $15 to $40 million as there are exotic locations, stunts and large logistical moves for filming. The working title is Divine Kill given the spiritual consequences the characters deal with.

What I learned from the opening teleconference is that the producer has the last word on essentially every aspect of development. It’s his/her vision that matters significantly and my job is to assist in having it come to life. I can offer suggestions and ideas which may or may not be approved, but the collaboration gives me experience I would use for future projects. And with future projects, having a process will make screenplay development more doable.

[James Hernandez]

I, James Hernandez, agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[James Hernandez]

Hello everyone!

1. James Hernandez

2. I have written ten feature scripts and one short.

3. I hope to learn a process that will make me more marketable and professional during interactions with producers.

4. Something strange about me is that I can’t talk too much about myself, which in turn makes unusual.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

What I learned rewriting my scene/character?

I learned that the power struggle in my romantic comedy can be intensified. This gives plenty of comedic possibilities to grow out within the scenes. The characters can then reveal their traits creating more conflict, competition and at times friendly rapport. A friendly power struggle is what I guess I need to take my story to a new level giving me a new understanding of the characters.

[James Hernandez]

<ins cite=”mailto:James%20A.%20Hernandez” datetime=”2021-12-11T22:34″>Watch 1st time for:</ins><ins cite=”mailto:James%20A.%20Hernandez” datetime=”2021-12-11T22:35″></ins>

· <ins cite=”mailto:James%20A.%20Hernandez” datetime=”2021-12-11T22:34″>How is this power struggle created?</ins>

· <ins cite=”mailto:James%20A.%20Hernandez” datetime=”2021-12-11T22:34″>What is it about these characters that demand this power struggle?</ins>

· <ins cite=”mailto:James%20A.%20Hernandez” datetime=”2021-12-11T22:34″>How does each character’s audience influence and depend upon this power struggle?</ins>

This power struggle is created once the white and black schools merge. There is an immediate foundation for conflict where opposing viewpoints on how to run the football camp collide. The black coach assumes leadership, yet the white captain insists on expressing how the camp and the team will function; including which players will play certain positions and when.

The characters demand this power struggle by which the black coach knows he will run the camp and football team. He is in a leadership role and what he says must be followed without question from any of the players. He also has a no-nonsense personality which he demonstrates to two white players in front of the other players and their parents. But opposing the black coach is the white captain who wants to lay the law of the land making it clear who will play, at which positions, and when. As the white captain, he feels the necessity to make his voice heard and understood given he’s the leader of the former white team. This dynamic of clashing personalities and roles between the black coach and white captain causes instant conflict which will develop and culminate in an interesting finale.

The black coach’s audience looks for his leadership to unify the team and create a winning program. And the black coach recognizes this demand, which the black players see him as the only person who can keep things calm. On the other hand, the white captain feels the pressure from his fellow teammates to speak up for them and have their camp experience proceed with as much little change as possible. In essence, the black coach and white captain are seen as representatives for their own goals and agenda going forward.

Wa<ins cite=”mailto:James%20A.%20Hernandez” datetime=”2021-12-11T22:34″>tch 2nd time for:</ins>

· <ins cite=”mailto:James%20A.%20Hernandez” datetime=”2021-12-11T22:34″>What drama is this scene built around?</ins>

· <ins cite=”mailto:James%20A.%20Hernandez” datetime=”2021-12-11T22:34″>How are they expressing their Profile (right character, traits, secret, wound, future) through their words and actions?</ins>

The drama this scene is built around includes the wills of two imposing figures that will go face to face and which represent two athletic “factions” where one will get his way, for now. The black coach and the white captain initiate the conflict that will play out throughout the story. The battle of ideals and vision for the football team.

The black coach is the right character for this story as he confronts and makes his vision for the team known to everyone, especially the white captain. Wherever he goes there will be the undercurrent of tension with everyone he encounters. His condescending trait is shown as he humiliates and brings back to earth the white captain and his fellow teammate. Yet he seeks to unify the team with humor and discipline. In the scene his secret isn’t apparent, perhaps it’s his plan and method he will use and make known to the audience. A wound could be the past struggle he had in becoming a football coach, and which he still has to deal with. What’s intriguing based on this scene is the future all these characters have in how will they come together and work as a team? Will there be internal strife? Will there be racist animosity on both sides? Can this team succeed?

The white captain complements the black coach as his opposite with conflicting ideals. He’s the right character who represents the other side of this story. He’s a straight shooter who speaks his mind even to the coach who’s been put in charge of the team. After the initial confrontation with the coach, he concedes that he’s the player following what the coach sees fit for all the players. In this scene the white captain doesn’t seem to hold a secret, except maybe that he prefers to play with members of his original team. A wound could be that he’s had a bad experience with black opposing players, which lingers in his subconscious. Yet this scene creates an interesting and intriguing launching point for this story as the audience anticipates the future of these two merged schools. Will tension and basically hate be overcome? Will the white captain perform as expected along with his original teammates? Will ultimate harmony and coexistence be achieved for the sake of the coaches, players and their families?

Insights/Breakthroughs:

One of the best ways to amp up drama and conflict is to show a struggle of wills. The magic of this is that it can be done in one scene, the launching point, which then carries over to the rest of the script.

A power struggle can immediately show who the characters are in their essence, at least at the beginning of the story. This sets up the character arc and how they may change by the end.

[James Hernandez]

What I learned rewriting my scene/character?

I learned the more I contrast my characters, the more I can reveal about them without being on-the-nose. If I have completely opposite characters, I can let the differences “speak” for themselves allowing what is unsaid to come through and be conveyed in the writing itself, through world and character description and dialogue.

[James Hernandez]

Watch 1st time for:

· How mismatched are these two?

· What do they have to get over to be able to work together and become friends?

· Knowing that Tony gets the job, how does this mismatch create a future for both characters?

Tony and Donald are very mismatched in that the former is associated with the mob underworld and the latter with the music world. This pairing exposes glaring challenges both will have on their journey through the south. Most obvious being a white man driving a black man through the southern towns; Donald is sure to feel threatened at times making Tony serve as a guardian or bodyguard of sorts. Tony could also be put in harm’s way for serving Donald and seen as a subservient worker.

The main issue they have to get over to be able to work together and become friends is Tony wants nothing to do with being a “butler” type for Donald. Tony made it clear he’s not going to iron clothes and shine shoes. This is work that is beneath him and he will focus on the driving and protective duties only that the job requires. Once these work parameters are set and agreed upon, it appears that both men can become eventual friends.

Once Tony gets the job, there is an interesting future that is set given these men come from vastly different backgrounds. Tony will be exposed to black musical culture, while Donald will get a glimpse at the social pressures even a white man has to face. As both men recognize the challenges of the other, there’s sure to be an understanding achieved in their particular lives. This is not explicitly stated, but the audience can surmise the difficulties they will surely face.

Watch 2nd time for:

· What drama is this scene built around?

· What profile items (right character, traits, secret, wound, future) showed up in these two character’s words and actions?

The drama built around this scene includes the proposal of a white man being hired to be a chauffeur for a black man. Adding to the drama, the roads where the driving will take place is in the deep south. Also, these two characters will spend much time together that is sure to bring out their personas, which could cause conflict as well as rapport. There is the colliding of worlds between Tony and Donald having the audience anticipate all the scenarios that could transpire with the merging.

Tony is the right character for this story because he brings instant conflict to Donald’s world which is black musical culture. He portrays a man who is no nonsense which sets up an interesting dynamic in Donald’s world. Based on this scene he lacks education making him straight shooter blue collar type of man. Yet, he holds his ground and lays out how he operates within the proposed job requirements. It seems (based on this scene) there is no secret with Tony as he holds nothing back from his potential employer.

Perhaps Tony has a past that cause him to be a “tough guy” of sorts which points to a possible wound. It could be his upbringing or a defining event in his life that has molded him into the man he is. Now that he’s met Donald the past may dictate what the future will be for both men as they deal with their encounters through the story.

Donald serves this story well by being a character creating instant conflict as well. A black musician who will perform in the south with a white “guardian” serves the audience’s curiosity of how this scenario will play out. He’s proper and educated, seemingly the opposite of Tony who’s more common man. There’s no obvious secret in this scene for Donald, but there could be a wound where maybe he was threatened for being black leading him to hire a person who can keep things in order for everyone’s safety. I have yet to see the entire movie, but this setup does make me want to know how their journey will play out and end; an ending with characters who have much to learn from each other. A future that only these men can control.

Insights/Breakthroughs:

When designing characters, it’s helpful to put seeming opposites together to create conflict, tension and sometimes humor in the piece. This causes the audience to be drawn into the story and want to know how things will play out.

Putting opposites together creates possibilities for humorous moments, not just dramatic nuance. Instant opposites cause instant conflict leaving room for character growth and exploration.

[James Hernandez]

WATCH 1st TIME FOR:

· What tension comes from putting these two worthy opponents face-to-face?

· What does Doc discover about Johnny’s character in their first meeting?

· How these two characters stand out from the others.

The tension that comes from putting these two worthy opponents face-to-face is the foresight that these gunslingers will battle one day. They get to “size” each other up and make mental presumptions about one another. Being that they’re both the best, their egos shine through setting the stage for them to shut the other up.

Doc discovers that Johnny is a showman who likes to display his skills in an attempt to perhaps put fear and doubt in his opponents. Johnny is also one to provoke a challenge to those who may want to face him one day.

Doc and Johnny are the coolest and calmest of everyone present. They also are not shy to display their skills for all to witness and are at ease being the center of attention; and apparently are the only ones who speak Latin.

WATCH 2nd TIME FOR:

· What drama is this scene built around?

· What profile items (right character, traits, secret, wound, future) showed up in these two character’s words and actions?

The drama that this scene is built around involves the first meeting of the best gunslingers. Both are showman who attempt to outperform the other in front of Wyatt Earp and the other patrons. Johnny challenges Doc but he’s unaware that Earp has a gun aimed at him.

Doc is the right character to challenge the best outlaw in Johnny Ringo and vice versa. Doc is supposedly retired, but in his “prime” which Johnny finds almost humorous. These two are perfect to go at one another’s throats laying the ground for an eventual gunfight.

Doc is humorous as he mimics Johnny’s gun routine with a tiny cup. Johnny’s routine is one of a showman who doesn’t hesitate to impress. Both men are fairly educated as they recite lines in Latin leaving onlookers in a daze.

Doc likes to start conversations about the most frivolous subjects as he downs his liquor. Both know how to set boundaries in order to not push too far.

The secrets Doc and Johnny have are not clear in the scene, yet there’s something both withhold making them dangerous and calculating. Perhaps Johnny’s wound could stem from lack of a structured upbringing, while Doc’s could be one that pushes him to have once upheld the law.

The future that is set in this scene is clear as Doc and Johnny will do battle where one will be provoked causing a fight many townsfolk would want to witness.

Insights/Breakthroughs:

Making my protagonist and antagonist equally matched sets the stage for the audience to anticipate a climax and ending that would hopefully be memorable.

Making the protagonist and antagonist formidable opposing forces creates instant tension that carries throughout the story; this setup offers opportunities for comic comparison between the characters and the constant challenging to outdo each other.

[James Hernandez]

What I learned rewriting my scene/character?

I learned that I could
show the differences between my love interests without them being in the same
scene. Similarly, I can show the aspects of their traits, personalities and temperaments
that would make them compatible and serve the vision of the romance between them.
This creates a “love suspense” where the audience anticipates the meeting of
the two romantic leads.

[James Hernandez]

Watch 1st time for:

· What causes you to believe these two belong together?

· Notice any similar emotions and actions.

The horse and Red belong together because they have a fighting spirit shown in their restlessness toward the handlers and surrounding stablemen respectively. These are traits needed for animal and man to understand one another to accomplish victory.

Red and the horse very forcefully fight revealing a sort of combative nature. This could be a feistiness in both which will serve the story as horse and jockey; it fulfills the story puzzle.

Watch 2nd time for:

· What drama is this scene built around?

· What profile items (right character, traits, secret, wound, future) showed up in these two character’s words and actions?

The drama built around this scene includes an unruly horse that has yet to find its jockey. As the search continues, we see Red who seems to be quite unruly himself wanting to fight several men at once. There’s a match waiting to be made as the horse’s asserted potential has a chance at becoming reality.

This man and horse are the right characters for each other as they serve the story’s promise that something special could happen when these two get together. The fighting and restless traits show up in Red’s dialogue and actions pairing him up with the uncontrollable horse. These two don’t know what calm is. The secrets are not obvious in this scene, yet it seems if Red and the horse do work together one may be revealed later. Red’s violent streak may be a wound that he’s working through and is occasionally triggered. The scene shows the future this man and animal will have creating truly memorable moments on the racetrack.

Insights/Breakthroughs:

The characters in my story can have a relationship with virtually anything, another person, an animal, or even an inanimate object as long as it serves the story and completes the puzzle. This creates depth in the story where two different people, or species, can complement each other to make something special payoff in the script. This payoff is then filled with emotions and actions culminating in the climax or other moment in Act III.

[James Hernandez]

Watch 1st time for:

· What causes you to believe these two belong together?

· Notice any similar emotions, words, and actions.

The belief these two belong together is caused by which they long to be accompanied during the holiday season and feel the need to fulfill a child’s wish for his parent. Both characters consider being alone as a low point in life.

Both characters show care as they don’t want another to feel sorrow and/or despair. In a sense they both feel helpless in that they are initially unable to ease another’s desperate concern; a father for his child and a radio listener for a show’s caller. Ultimately, both decide that they must improve their lives not only for themselves, but also for those close to them.

Watch 2nd time for:

· What drama is this scene built around?

· What profile items (right character, traits, secret, wound, future) showed up in these two character’s words and actions?

The drama this scene is built around includes a child wanting love and companionship for his father. The child has even gone to great lengths by calling a radio talk show to see if someone can fulfill his father’s needs. Adding more drama is a listener who has compassion for the father and wishes him well to say the least.

The father and listener are the right characters because they complement each other; he has a void in his life and she develops compassion for him. They share the same humor trait and they are both caring. Perhaps a secret they both have is indeed a longing to be in a loving relationship leading to possibly marriage. In this scene his wound is clear in that the loss of his wife is something he’s still dealing with; her wound is not that clear, but her compassion may originate from a loss she had in her life. Given the scene dynamics with the want, compassion and complement of the characters one can see a future among them with follow up calls and maybe an in-person meeting.

Insights/Breakthroughs:

The characters in my stories have to complement each other to fulfill the story puzzle. This is where the drama is born through eventual conflict, rapport, and competing agendas.

[James Hernandez]

What I learned rewriting my character/scene?

I learned that I need a more profound wound for my lead characters. This would give my characters more depth with interesting layers. Given my Hallmark romantic comedy is vastly different from a serious drama, I still need to make my characters more dimensional as this can only improve my screenplay.

[James Hernandez]

Watch 1st time for:

· What causes both characters to reveal their wounds?

· How are those wounds motivating their emotions, actions, and reactions?

· How is each character threatening the other’s wound?

What causes Will’s wound to be revealed is when Skylar asks him to go to California with her. He perceives this as an unwelcomed challenge and rages on her with the horrific scars of abuse. Skylar’s wound is revealed when Will accuses her as “slumming” and being a high-class member of society. This causes her pain as she relives her father’s death; it was upon his death when she was thirteen that she inherited the money used for her education.

These wounds cause them to become defensive and nostalgic about their pasts. The pain they feel surfaces with rage in Will and tears of hurt in Skylar. He yells at her causing her to cry as she attempts to soothe both their pasts by softly holding his face. This leads to abrupt reactions as Will almost hits her and Skylar pleads to know if he still loves her.

Skylar threatens Will’s wound by boldly provoking him. He chooses to stay in his comfort zone and is afraid of making difficult decisions in life. Will threatens Skylar’s wound by accusing her of using him as some temporary fling and that she’ll ultimately end up with the rich crowd.

Watch 2nd time for:

· What drama was this scene built around?

· What traits showed up in these character’s words and actions?

The drama built around this scene revolves with Will and Skylar’s relationship reaching a point where she wants him to be in her life more. But he’s apparently not ready to make a huge commitment, especially moving to California and leaving Southie. There are two opposites at play, Skylar wants to move forward, and Will wants to remain in his usual routine.

Will’s traits: defensive, violent, over-analytical, stubborn

Skylar’s traits: loving, considerate, risk-taker, wounded

Insights/Breakthroughs:

The revelation of a character wound adds a punch to a scene making the story more poignant. This allows the character traits to be fully showcased in the most dramatic way; the audience experiences the real character.

[James Hernandez]

What I learned rewriting my character/scene?

I learned that my character holding a secret can put the audience in superior position with him/her as the secret is withheld from another character; this allows for the change of point of views within the narrative. These secrets create mysteries which draw in the audience’s attention leading them on story’s journey.

[James Hernandez]

Watch 1st time for:

· How is Kate’s secret set up?

· What causes demand to know what the secret is?

· How is Kate’s secret revealed?

Kate’s secret is set up by the marshal telling Jack that she is a wanted and dangerous fugitive. This creates curiosity in Jack, but also a need to know if this assertion is indeed a fact. Sawyer’s drinking game causes demand in the exchange between him and Kate to know what the secret is. The secret is she killed a man. Kate’s secret is revealed when we see the house blow up as she speeds away in a motorcycle. She was apparently in an abusive relationship she needed to escape from.

Watch 2nd time for:

· What drama was this scene built around?

· What traits showed up in these character’s words and actions?

The drama these scenes are built around is the wanting to know if Kate actually killed a man. This curiosity creates tension, intrigue and even conflict among the characters. The desire to know the truth builds not only within the characters, but in the audience as well.

Kate’s traits: playful, calculating, intolerant, cold (shows little emotion for the killing)

Jack’s traits: medic (first aide), sarcastic, curious, humorous

Sawyer’s traits: creative, probing, dangerous (withholds information), sexually driven

Insights/Breakthroughs:

Secrets can be used to create greater depth within and among the characters. The audience would naturally be intrigued to find out what is being withheld which adds complexity to the story.

[James Hernandez]

What I learned rewriting my character/scene?

I learned that discovering the “right characters” is an integral part of the rewriting process. It’s the constant tweaking and finetuning of the characters that evolve with each rewrite; as the story evolves so do the characters which will hopefully capture my vision for the piece. And that vision could change, which then requires further character evolution and exploration.

[James Hernandez]

Watch 1st time for:

· Where is Junah coming from?

· Where is Bagger Vance coming from?

· What makes them right for their roles in this movie?

Junah is coming from an opportunity of redemption. He “lost his swing” and confidence yet he feels the need to hit golf balls in the middle of the night. In essence, he still has something to prove either to himself or others.

Bagger Vance is coming from an opportunity to help someone else be it in golf or life in general. It appears he wants to serve as a mentor which is something he may have experience in doing; a motivator.

Junah is right for his role in this movie by which he was a champion golfer who has a chance to be on top again and help save an institution with his talents. Bagger Vance is right for his role in that he serves as the conscience mover in Junah to make him regain his swing and ultimately his confidence. These two golfers complement each other and provide the engine to the story.

Watch 2nd time for:

· What drama was this scene built around?

· What traits showed up in these two character’s words and actions?

The drama this scene was built around includes Junah needing a caddie for a $10,000 exhibition match, which he has not fully committed to at least in this scene. Bagger knows about the match yet he appears more interested in helping and/or motivating Junah instead of payment for caddie services.

Junah’s traits: considerate, short-fuse, stubborn, redemption seeker

Bagger’s traits: motivator (congenial), conscience mover, teacher, kind

Insights/Breakthroughs:

The characters in my stories are part of an overall puzzle that fulfills the emotions of the piece. They have to make “sense” in that they have to fit in the puzzle and not be extraneous pieces having no specific purposes in the story.

These “right characters” dictate the dialogue and actions that will be said and done as they move forward in the story; only these characters can say and do the specifics the story calls for.

[James Hernandez]

What I learned rewriting my character/scene?

I learned it is essential to know my ending, or at least have a good idea how the story will culminate (the future). This lends itself to extensively brainstorming appropriate possibilities to figure out a suitable ending. Then to reach the desired endpoint there has to be plants early in the story which lead to the subsequent reveals; this makes the script tight and a more cohesive piece.

[James Hernandez]

Watch 1st time for:

· What future is Sarah Connor living into?

· What future is Kyle Reese living into?

· What is Sarah’s transformation that is implied by this scene?

Sarah Connor is living into a future where it requires her to become basically a warrior to raise and protect her son John.

Kyle Reese is living into a future where he must protect Sarah even if his life is threatened; he has committed to being essentially a martyr for his cause (mission).

Sarah’s implied transformation by this scene is that she will transition from an everyday woman with a “normal” uneventful life into a fighter who must protect her son from the terminator.

Watch 2nd time for:

· What drama was this scene built around?

· What traits showed up in these two character’s words and actions?

The drama this scene was built around includes Sarah and Kyle hiding out and trying to stay undetected knowing if discovered could mean their deaths. They shelter in a cave-like dwelling where no one can see them. As they hide, Sarah becomes more curious about her son John and their future. They are essentially on the run to fulfill a most desperate mission.

Sarah’s traits: caring, paramedic (first aide), curious, unaware (of consequential future)

Kyle’s traits: courageous, knowledgeable, protective, withholding (of grave consequences if he fails his mission)

Insights/Breakthroughs:

The characters in my stories are constantly transforming into a future self that is full of knowledge which they will use to reach the goal the story sets. The character is gaining the tools needed to accomplish the goal.

The story is a voyage for my characters until their goal is achieved. During the voyage, they will work towards the goal (the future) gaining as much knowledge and skills to become successful.

[James Hernandez]

What I learned rewriting my character/scene?

I learned that when I put the character’s traits in a pressure situation/scene the character nuances emerge creating a more well-rounded personality. This goes with the idea that pressure situations reveal true character; as well as in real life.

[James Hernandez]

Watch 1st time for:

· What traits do you see or hear in these main characters – Will, Skylar, and Chuckie?

Will: genius, protective, great memory, fighter

Skylar: social, congenial, intolerant of jerks

Chuckie: social, slick, funny, lacks higher education

Watch 2nd time for:

· What drama did the writers create to trigger and deliver these traits?

· Why do you think the group picked a Harvard bar?

The writers created a social situation between Harvard students and “regular” folks causing a class collision of sorts. This situation “forced” the characters to portray their core traits: smarts, social, funny, protective, fighter, intolerant.

The group may have picked the Harvard bar to have some fun in a different environment that they normally don’t find themselves in. They may have wanted to venture and experience a new scene to create memories outside their comfort zone.

Insights/Breakthroughs:

The characters in my stories, especially my main protagonist, needs to be the best or the expert in the subject matter I’m exploring.

The environment the characters find themselves in will dictate or trigger their core traits within the given scene.

[James Hernandez]

James A. Hernandez

I agree to the terms of this release form.

[James Hernandez]

1. James A. Hernandez

2. I’ve written nine feature scripts.

3. I hope to learn how to design and develop characters for maximum impact.

4. The strange thing about me is that I continuously can’t speak about myself which in turn makes me unusual.

[James Hernandez]

Rewrite for QE Cycle #6 Scene

Logline: Marcus leads Carley on a quest to learn the truth and finds true love.

Essence: Complications in life can lead to love.

Scene:

EXT. WILDERNESS HIKING TRAIL – DAY

The bright sun shines on MARCUS (30) who winds his way through the trees. He leads CARLEY (27) along on the dirt path. She steps forward like a real and seasoned trooper.

They are followed by a MAN who conceals a recording device.

CARLEY

You said we were going camping, Marcus. Shouldn’t we have camping equipment?!

MARCUS

Why are you always second guessing me?! Answer me!

CARLEY

I just like to know where I’m going. That’s all. No big deal.

They arrive at a fork on the trail and stop. Sounds of RUSTLING leaves can be heard behind them. The sounds suddenly stop.

Marcus and Carley turn around to check. Nothing. Just trees.

MARCUS

It was probably a scared rabbit, Carley.

CARLEY

There are no rabbits living out here. You have no concept about these things.

MARCUS

Yes, I do. Let’s go this way.

Marcus picks the path on the left. Carley surveys her surroundings and gives an impression of being lost.

MARCUS

We’re almost there. Let’s keep moving.

Carley doesn’t budge.

CARLEY

We haven’t had lunch. It’s not like we can find a diner in these parts.

MARCUS

I wouldn’t put us in any danger.

Carley follows Marcus on the chosen path.

They hike several more feet as Marcus turns around and spots TED (35) who has been following the pair. Marcus motions Ted to keep his distance.

Ted nods as Marcus continues forward. Unbeknownst to Carley and Marcus, Ted resumes recording the exchange.

MARCUS

Do you still think about Ted?

CARLEY

We’re hiking and you’re asking me about Ted!

Marcus and Carley stay silent for a moment…

CARLEY

If you keep up with your antics, this between us is not gonna last for too long. My precious.

MARCUS

Just answer my question.

CARLEY

No! He’s my ex! Ex!

Marcus winces at Carley’s fury.

CARLEY

Look, I thought I saw a rabbit. Why don’t we rest here?

MARCUS

So, you rather be with me, right?

Carley pauses and stays silent checking her watch for a moment.

CARLEY

You like to make things difficult.

MARCUS

Him or me?

Carley closes her eyes wanting to choose the right words.

CARLEY

What do you think, precious? I’m miles away from civilization, and you’re the only one next to me.

Marcus gives Carley a cheerful applause.

MARCUS

It’s me then. Both of us with nature.

CARLEY

I guess you have me right where you want me.

They notice what seems to be the rear of a log cabin not too far away. Marcus and Carley appear dumbfounded.

MARCUS

What’s this? The tour guide agency didn’t mention any residences out here.

CARLEY

Let’s be brave and check inside?

MARCUS

We may need a some type of secret, magical key.

MAN’S VOICE (O.S.)

We have the key to this cabin. But you can join us if you’d like?

Marcus and Carley spin around and encounter a NAKED COUPLE.

CARLEY

May I ask, where am I?

NAKED MAN

We’re part of a nudist colony. This is our home.

NAKED WOMAN

You can join us if you’d like?

Carley turns to Marcus who shrugs his shoulders.

MARCUS

Honestly, I’m very sorry. I had no idea.

The naked couple senses some unease as they walk away.

NAKED MAN

Have a nice day.

NAKED WOMAN

Remember, you can join us if you’d like?

Marcus notices Carley silent looking away perusing her phone.

MARCUS

Carley, I’m really sorry.

CARLEY

Please, I don’t want to talk.

TED (O.S.)

You should because he’s playing you like a fiddle.

Both Marcus and Carley are stunned finding Ted next to a tree.

Marcus remains stunned, shocked that Ted revealed himself.

MARCUS

Ted, what is this? You live close by? In a treehouse?

CARLEY

You know my ex?

TED

Know you? He had me follow you two.

Carley shoots eye daggers at Marcus.

MARCUS

I thought the change in scenery would help us sort things out. Among the three of us.

CARLEY

Sort things out? Change in scenery?

Marcus points and waves to the sky in a religious fashion.

MARCUS

I figured this would be good spot to relax and spend our day. We even have a nudist colony nearby.

TED

(to Carley)

Typical of him. By the way, I have everything recorded. So, when you want to come back to me, I’ll be ready.

MARCUS

See, you can’t trust him. He’s always pulling surprises on you. A real creep.

Carley fumes at both men, but more so at Ted who smirks blatantly.

CARLEY

You can take your recording and stuff it!

Marcus is all smiles as Ted kicks the tree next to him.

MARCUS

I knew you were always mine.

Marcus senses an opportunity. Gets on a knee and takes out a tiny box.

MARCUS

Carley, my fearless adventurer, would you marry me and say yes under this beautiful sun?

Carley opens her mouth as she gasps.

CARLEY

What?!

MARCUS

Be my wife. Because we’re gonna have a huge family.

CARLEY

Yes! Yes!

Ted steps off, defeated.

MARCUS

(to Ted)

Thanks for your help, buddy. Your surprise worked against you.

Marcus and Carley jump into each other’s arms and passionately kiss…

NAKED MAN (O.S.)

Congratulations.

NAKED WOMAN

You can join us if you’d like?

Marcus and Carley detach their lips.

MARCUS

What does your mind suggest?

CARLEY

It would make an exciting experience, my dear.

They grasp one another’s hand and contemplate the naked couple.

[James Hernandez]

QE Cycle #6 Scene

Logline: Marcus leads Carley on a quest to learn the truth and finds true love.

Essence: Complications in life can lead to love.

Scene:

EXT. WILDERNESS HIKING TRAIL – DAY

The bright sun shines on MARCUS (30) who winds his way through the trees.

He leads CARLEY (27) along on the dirt path. She steps forward like a real and seasoned trooper.

CARLEY

You said we were going camping, Marcus. Shouldn’t we have camping equipment?!

MARCUS

Why are you always second guessing me?! Answer me!

CARLEY

I just like to know where I’m going. That’s all.

They arrive at a fork on the trail and stop. Sounds of RUSTLING leaves can be heard behind them. The sounds suddenly stop.

Marcus and Carley turn around to check. Nothing. Just trees.

MARCUS

It was probably a scared rabbit, Carley.

CARLEY

There are no rabbits living out here. You have no concept about these things.

MARCUS

Yes, I do. Let’s go this way.

Marcus picks the path on the left. Carley hesitates, then follows.

CARLEY

We haven’t had our daily lunch. It’s not like we can find a diner in these parts.

MARCUS

Is that what you think of me? Someone’s who’s a complete idiot.

CARLEY

You said it. Not me.

They hike several more feet as Marcus turns around and spots TED (35) who has been following the pair. Marcus motions Ted to keep his distance.

Ted nods as Marcus continues forward. Unbeknownst to Carley and Marcus, Ted is recording their every step and conversation.

MARCUS

Do you still think about Ted?

CARLEY

We’re hiking and you’re asking me about Ted!

Marcus and Carley stay silent for a moment.

CARLEY

If you keep up with your antics, this between us is not gonna last for too long. My precious.

MARCUS

Just answer my question.

CARLEY

No! He’s my ex! Ex!

Marcus winces at Carley’s fury.

CARLEY

Look, I thought I saw a rabbit.

MARCUS

So, you rather be with me, right?

Carley stops in her tracks and ponders.

CARLEY

You like to make things difficult.

MARCUS

Him or me?

Carley closes her eyes wanting to choose the right words.

CARLEY

What do you think, precious? I’m miles away from civilization, and you’re the only one next to me.

Marcus gives Carley an applause.

MARCUS

It’s me then. Both of us with nature.

CARLEY

I guess you have me right where you want me.

They reach what seems to be the rear of a log cabin. Marcus and Carley appear dumbfounded.

MARCUS

What’s this? The tour guide agency didn’t mention any residences out here.

CARLEY

Let’s be brave and check inside?

MARCUS

We may need a secret key.

MAN’S VOICE (O.S.)

We have the key to this cabin. But you can join us if you’d like?

Marcus and Carley spin around and encounter a NAKED COUPLE.

CARLEY

May I ask, where am I?

NAKED MAN

We’re part of a nudist colony. This is our home.

NAKED WOMAN

You can join us if you’d like?

Carley turns to Marcus who shrugs his shoulders.

MARCUS

Honestly, I’m very sorry. I had no idea.

The naked couple senses some unease as they walk away.

NAKED MAN

Have a nice day.

NAKED WOMAN

Remember, you can join us if you’d like?

Marcus notices Carley silent looking away.

MARCUS

Carley, I’m really sorry.

CARLEY

I don’t want to talk.

TED (O.S.)

You should because he’s playing you like a fiddle.

Both Marcus and Carley are stunned and find Ted next to a tree.

Marcus is beside himself, shocked.

MARCUS

Ted, what is this? You live around here?

CARLEY

You know my ex?

TED

Know you? He had me follow you to make sure I was out of your life.

Carley shoots eye daggers at Marcus.

MARCUS

I thought the change in scenery would help us sort things out. Among the three of us.

CARLEY

Sort things out? Here?

Marcus reaches for Carley’s hand.

MARCUS

My bad move. I just want us to be happy. You and me.

TED

(to Carley)

I have everything recorded. So, when you want to come back to me, I’ll be ready.

CARLEY

You can take your recording and stuff it. So go make some diamonds.

Marcus is all smiles.

MARCUS

I knew you were always mine.

Marcus takes a knee and takes out a tiny box.

MARCUS

Carley, my fearless adventurer, would you marry me?

Carley opens her mouth as she gasps.

CARLEY

What?!

MARCUS

Be my wife. Because we’re gonna have a huge family.

CARLEY

Yes! Yes!

Ted steps off, defeated.

MARCUS

(to Ted)

Thanks for your help, buddy.

Marcus and Carley jump into each other’s arms and passionately kiss.

NAKED MAN (O.S.)

Congratulations.

NAKED WOMAN

You can join us if you’d like?

Marcus and Carley detach their lips.

MARCUS

What do you think?

CARLEY

It would make an exciting experience, my dear.

They grasp one another’s hand and stroll behind the naked couple.

[James Hernandez]

Rewrite for QE Cycle #5 Scene

Logline: A talent agent attempts to save his potential client from arrest, but ultimately learns he’s the one who’s going to need saving.

Essence: Sometimes the innocent can be a cover for danger and evil.

Scene:

INT. EXCLUSIVE RESTAURANT – NIGHT

The late night PATRONS wearing luxury from head to toe are scattered throughout the open air establishment. These are the folks with the biggest bank accounts.

PHILLIP (55), attempting to control his anxiety, talks to a STOUT POLICE OFFICER and a WIRY POLICE OFFICER.

Witnessing the exchange is BRANDY (22) who appears worried at the attention she’s getting from the remaining patrons. She holds her cell phone ready to send out a text at any moment.

PHILLIP

I assure you gentlemen, this is just a huge misunderstanding. I do deserve the benefit of the doubt.

The stout officer strokes his chin, skeptical.

PHILLIP

Look at her. Is that what a common criminal looks like?

They face Brandy as she pouts and immediately buries her head into her cell phone and types.

PHILLIP

Gentlemen, I know your situation. But here’s mine…

Brandy is in the middle of a cell phone chat. The message reads:

“Two cops only. Seems like no more will show up.”

PHILLIP

…I can either give her a lucrative contract and hope I don’t lose millions. Or, I can let her go, and hope I don’t regret it later. Either way, it doesn’t mesh for me. Do you see where I’m at?

STOUT OFFICER

Sounds like you’re in a pickle.

BRANDY

Please, I want to be one of the top singers in the world.

PHILLIP

Gentlemen, are you going to deny this talent from blossoming?

BRANDY

With my first million as a superstar, I plan on helping all the children of the world as their ambassador.

Outside in a wooded area, a MAN DRESSED IN BLACK with a clear view into the restaurant, focuses on his cell phone. His return message reads:

“We’re going to take them all out.”

Brandy reads the message and then CRIES uncontrollably.

PHILLIP

You see how this plight is ruining her. And it’s gonna be all my fault. All my fault.

WIRY OFFICER

We can clear this up at the station.

Brandy continues to text:

“We have little time left.”

PHILLIP

I’ve been a model citizen all my life. Do you know what this will do to my business? To my investors?

A WOMAN PATRON gets up from her table and in mid stride drops to the plush carpet. THUD!

The surrounding customers collectively GASP at the sight. A WAITER darts to the woman to give first aide.

PHILLIP

Officers, that seems to need more attention than us.

STOUT OFFICER

You stay put. We’ll radio in an ambulance.

The wiry officer gets on his radio and relays instructions.

PHILLIP

(to Brandy)

You can try helping a bit. Instead of chatting with your fans.

BRANDY

Things would be different if I had my contract.

PHILLIP

You have to earn it, my dear.

Brandy acknowledges that as a challenge, hops onto a small stage and grabs the microphone.

BRANDY

Ladies and gentlemen. Listen to these vocal cords. I hope you enjoy.

Brandy HUMS a song, which causes everyone to rotate to her. She captures complete undivided attention.

Set up outside, CROSSHAIRS move sharply showing the police officers and Phillip in its scope.

BRANDY

Is everyone enjoying the melody? Let me know. I would greatly appreciate it.

Phillip grows more frustrated and turns to the officers.

PHILLIP

Please tell me what’s the charge? You haven’t even stated a charge.

STOUT OFFICER

Miss lady singer there was seen brandishing a weapon with a suspicious individual in the parking lot.

WIRY OFFICER

That’s cause for an investigation. Given today’s climate, we need to pursue this. And since you associate with her, you’re also coming with us.

At this moment, a NAKED WOMAN is chased by a NAKED MAN who run towards the restaurant’s parking area and jump into a car.

A few folks shake their heads as others look away, mortified.

PHILLIP

You’re not going to do anything about that? And you’re treating us model citizens like felons.

STOUT OFFICER

It was a quick peep show.

WIRY OFFICER

They’ll be fine by themselves.

BRANDY

Ladies and gentlemen, I will be the next superstar!

STOUT OFFICER

OK, Miss Superstar, it’s time to go.

PHILLIP

My word this can’t happen. It can’t happen. I’m about to lose millions! Me!

WIRY OFFICER

Wow. Listen to you. I thought you cared about Miss Superstar over there. What are your priorities?

STOUT OFFICER

(to Brandy)

Get down! Now!

A VAN pulls up outside. The DRIVER signals the assassin dressed in black who creeps up to the restaurant.

Brandy eases herself off the stage and checks her cell phone:

“Great job. We’re moving in.”

DRIVER

She’s gonna make a valuable asset for our order.

In the rear of the van, TWO BACKUP ASSASSINS prepared to deploy nod in agreement as they clutch their rifles.

BRANDY

I was adopted. I’m a special needs person.

STOUT OFFICER

Bad excuse, Miss Superstar.

BANG! A thunderous blast from a rifle makes everyone jump for cover.

The police officers reach for their guns.

ASSASSIN

No! Not today! Hands up!

Phillip and the officers raise their arms.

BRANDY

He’s the one who’s holding me back.

Brandy points to Phillip.

PHILLIP

After everything I’ve done for you?! I believe in you!

The two backup assassins secure the perimeter as no one moves an inch.

ASSASSIN

We’re gonna be collecting from every single one of you.

Brandy positions herself beside the assassin who aims at Phillip.

ASSASSIN

Final test, accomplished.

He hands her a Glock 9mm which she skillfully handles.

BRANDY

Now we can really negotiate my contract.

Phillip and the police officers swallow a lump.

[James Hernandez]

QE Cycle #5 Scene

Logline: A talent agent attempts to save his potential client from arrest, but ultimately learns he’s the one who’s going to need saving.

Essence: Sometimes the innocent can be a cover for danger and evil.

Scene:

INT. EXCLUSIVE RESTAURANT – NIGHT

The last few patrons are scattered throughout the open air establishment.

PHILLIP (55), attempting to control his anxiety, talks to a STOUT POLICE OFFICER and a WIRY POLICE OFFICER.

Witnessing the exchange is BRANDY (22) who looks worried at the attention she’s getting from the remaining patrons. She holds her cell phone ready to send out a text at any moment.

PHILLIP

I assure you gentlemen, this is just a huge misunderstanding. I do deserve the benefit of the doubt.

The stout officer strokes his chin, skeptical.

PHILLIP

Look at her. Is that what a common criminal looks like?

They face Brandy as she pouts and immediately buries her head into her cell phone and types.

PHILLIP

Gentlemen, I know your situation. But here’s mine…

Brandy is in the middle of a cell phone chat. The message reads:

“Two cops only. Seems like no more will show up.”

PHILLIP

…I can either give her a lucrative contract and hope I don’t lose millions. Or, I can let her go, and hope I don’t regret it later. Either way, it doesn’t mesh for me. Do you see where I’m at?

STOUT OFFICER

Sounds like you’re in a pickle.

BRANDY

Please, I want to be one of the top singers in the world.

Outside in a wooded area, a MAN DRESSED IN BLACK with a clear view into the restaurant, focuses on his cell phone. His return message reads:

“I’m going to take them all out.”

Brandy reads the message and then CRIES uncontrollably.

PHILLIP

You see how this plight is ruining her. And it’s gonna be all my fault. All my fault.

WIRY OFFICER

We can clear this up at the station.

Brandy continues to text:

“We have little time left.”

PHILLIP

I’ve been a model citizen all my life. Do you know what this will do to my business?

A WOMAN PATRON gets up from her table and in mid stride drops to the plush carpet. THUD!

The surrounding customers collectively GASP at the sight. A waiter darts to the woman to give first aide.

PHILLIP

Officers, that seems to need more attention than us.

STOUT OFFICER

You stay put. We’ll radio in an ambulance.

The wiry officer gets on his radio and relays instructions.

PHILLIP

(to Brandy)

You can try helping a bit. Instead of chatting with your fans.

BRANDY

Things would be different if I had my contract.

PHILLIP

You have to earn it my dear.

Brandy acknowledges that as a challenge, hops onto a small stage and grabs the microphone.

BRANDY

Ladies and gentlemen. Listen to these vocal cords. I hope you enjoy.

Brandy HUMS a song which gets everyone’s attention.

CROSSHAIRS show the police officers and Phillip in its sight.

BRANDY

Is everyone enjoying the melody? Let me know. I greatly would appreciate it.

Phillip grows more frustrated and turns to the officers.

PHILLIP

Please tell me what’s the charge? You haven’t even stated a charge.

STOUT OFFICER

Miss lady singer there was seen brandishing a weapon with a suspicious individual in the parking lot.

WIRY OFFICER

That’s cause for an investigation. Given today’s climate, we need to pursue this. And since you associate with her, you’re also coming with us.

At this moment, a NAKED WOMAN is chased by a NAKED MAN who run towards the restaurant’s parking area and jump into a car.

A few folks offer headshakes as others look away.

PHILLIP

And you’re not going to do anything about that?

STOUT OFFICER

It was a quick peep show.

WIRY OFFICER

They’ll be fine by themselves.

BRANDY

Ladies and gentlemen, I will be the next superstar!

STOUT OFFICER

OK, Miss Superstar, it’s time to go.

PHILLIP

My word this can’t happen. It can’t happen. I’m about to lose millions!

WIRY OFFICER

Wow. Listen to you. I thought you cared about Miss Superstar over there. What are your priorities?

STOUT OFFICER

(to Brandy)

Get down! Now!

A VAN pulls up outside. The DRIVER signals the assassin dressed in black who creeps up the restaurant.

Brandy eases herself off the stage.

BRANDY

I was adopted. I’m a special needs person.

STOUT OFFICER

Bad excuse, Miss Superstar.

BANG! A thunderous blast from a rifle makes everyone jump for cover.

The police officers reach for their guns.

ASSASSIN

No! Not today! Up!

Phillip and the officers raise their arms.

BRANDY

He’s the real problem.

Brandy points at Phillip.

PHILLIP

After everything I’ve done for you?!

Two supporting men dressed in black secure the perimeter as no one moves.

Brandy positions herself behind the assassin who aims at Phillip.

BRANDY

Now we can really negotiate.

Phillip and the police officers swallow a lump.

[James Hernandez]

James’ Interest Scene

What I learned doing this assignment is when I attempt to fill my scene with as many interest techniques as possible, I begin to develop the characters’ backstories and create a mini-story within the scene that can then be part of an entire screenplay.

Logline: Benny returns to town to make a truce with Joey, but is actually there to even the score.

Interest technique ideas:

1. Suspense: Benny has two of his friends waiting in an alley near the pier ready to pound on Joey.

2. Major twist: Benny finds out that Joey is now a cop.

3. Surprise: As Joey is lead to the alley by Benny, the city lights go off.

4. Put in a More Interesting Setting: Joey is lead to a desolate pier with a few docked boats.

5. Mislead/Reveal: As Joey is lead to the pier, it turns out he is actually an undercover detective when his partner sounds the alarm.

6. Superior Position/Dramatic Irony: Former gang members who knew Benny and Joey as kids are going to witness what goes down at the pier, and may participate with their own weapons.

7. Uncertainty – hope/fear: It looks like Benny will even the score with Joey, but the converging parties of the former gang members and the undercover detective’s partner may make the goal difficult to achieve.

8. Intrigue: Benny sends a gang member a secret message, not knowing that he will then notify other gangsters.

9. Mystery: We don’t know what will happen when everyone reaches the pier.

10. Cliffhanger: After Joey gets a beatdown, we are left wondering what will happen once his partner and the former gang members arrive.

11. Dilemma: Benny has to choose between evening the score (risk being arrested) or not (swallow pride).

12. Something unseen: We don’t see Joey’s partner tailing them, but Benny gets suspicious.

13. Character changes radically: We learn Joey is still sympathetic towards the former gang members.

14. Betrayal: One of the waiting men who was to pound Joey, turns on Benny.

15. Uncomfortable moment: As Benny and Joey reach the pier, they encounter a gay couple copulating.

16. Misinterpretation: Joey believes they are going to meet an old childhood friend.

17. Hook: Both Benny and Joey start to receive consecutive text messages from an unknown sender.

18. Prediction: Joey predicts he will be head detective for the department one day.

19. Creating a Future: As Benny, Joey and everyone else converges on the pier, we see the potential for a mass falling out and reckoning between them with their pasts.

20. Anticipatory Dialogue: Benny states that whatever happens he’ll still attempt to be best friends with Joey.

Scene:

EXT. BAR – NIGHT

BENNY waits with a cigarette in hand. In moments, JOEY steps out and locks the door of the business.

BENNY

Good of you to meet me, Joey.

JOEY

Anything to calm the waters of the past.

Benny tosses the cigarette.

BENNY

Let’s head over to the pier for old times sake.

They stroll towards the riverfront. TWO MEN hide with a baton and a bat in hand near an alley. They anxiously watch Benny and Joey approach the pier.

BENNY

Bartending’s paying the bills nowadays?

JOEY

I’m actually a cop now. This is my moonlighting gig.

BENNY

Oh. You’re on the right side of the law.

Benny slyly takes out his cell phone and sends a message.

JOEY

That’s right, Benny. Which means no more hard feelings between us.

One of the men near the alley reads the text message. Both men remain hiding and give each other a look as plans may have changed.

JOEY

Hopefully, our friends have chosen decent paths in life.

They reach the edge of the pier and the city lights suddenly turn off causing complete darkness around them.

BENNY

What the hell?

JOEY

They’ll come back on. Power company’s doing some work.

Benny checks his cell phone, as the lights come back on.

BENNY

How long have you been on the police force?

JOEY

Seven years. And I promised myself I’ll be head detective one day.

Joey’s cell phone CHIMES. He reviews a message.

JOEY

How about you? What keeps you busy?

BENNY

I’m a foreman for a construction firm.

A MAN dressed in all black tails Benny and Joey from about forty yards back. He makes sure no one sees him by surveying his surroundings.

JOEY

You must make good bank.

BENNY

Yeah, when there’s a multi-million dollar building to construct.

They walk further into the pier and hear GRUNTS coming from behind a dumpster. As Joey investigates, a GAY COUPLE copulating falls to the ground.

JOEY

I know it’s dark guys, but go get a room. Before you get arrested.

The gay couple pull their pants up and run off. Joey turns to Benny who is at a loss for words.

JOEY

Sometimes you gotta be judicial about these things.

BENNY

I understand. It comes with the territory.

Benny’s cell phone CHIMES. Both men are about twenty yards from the river.

Benny reads the text message:

“You still want to go through with this?”

Benny places his cell phone back in his pocket. He stands gawking at the river not knowing his next move.

JOEY

Have you met up with others from the old hood?

Benny offers silence. He wipes his sweat off his forehead.

JOEY

You OK? I shoulda gotten you some water before closing up.

BENNY

No, I’ll be alright.

JOEY

You said you had a surprise for me. Some folks from back in the day.

Benny attempts to keep his wits in line trying to control his nerves.

BENNY

They’re not gonna show up. Look how late it is.

JOEY

Maybe another night.

BENNY

We’ll keep in touch.

JOEY

You know where to find me.

Just at this moment, the two men hiding emerge from the darkness. Benny turns toward them.

BENNY

We can all go home.

MAN WITH BAT

Not you.

MAN WITH BATON

We gotta think about our future. And you ain’t helping, Benny.

BENNY

This is all a bad joke.

JOEY

It isn’t because I’m currently an undercover detective. On duty.

The man dressed all in black makes his entrance.

JOEY

Thanks Cooper. For the heads up.

COOPER

No problem, Joey. This man here wanted to do a number on you.

BENNY

No one was going to do nothing.

A SMALL GROUP OF FOUR MEN converge on the pier. The LEADER positions himself behind Benny.

JOEY

Who are these people?

LEADER

We’re from the past. Ready to even the score for Benny.

The four men slide their hands into their jackets as Joey and Cooper reach for their service firearms…

[James Hernandez]

James’ Reveals

What I learned doing this assignment was that every story is inherently a mystery for the audience whereby there is always something withheld leading to a reveal or many reveals. Therefore, every script has reveals that must be mined and searched to fully develop the potential of any story.

Logline: Mrs. Glass attempts to cleanse and purify Tabitha’s soul by imploring her to never see Pappy ever again causing the declaration of her true love for him.

Current situation/Cover-up: Tabitha hides her real feelings she has for Pappy from everyone.

Demand: Mrs. Glass challenges and requests that Tabitha stop seeing Pappy and to totally remove him from her life.

Reveal: Tabitha bursts from her mother’s pressure and finally declares her true emotions and love for Pappy.

Scene:

INT. TABITHA’S HOME – DAY

The living room is dark, as the window blinds are shut. A spooky silence dominates the house.

Mrs. Glass kneels at her makeshift shrine of faith with her eyes closed. She’s deep in prayer. Her lips mutter the words of supplication…

The front door opens. Tabitha enters.

Mrs. Glass opens her eyes, turns around and rejoices at the sight of her daughter.

MRS. GLASS

Thank you, my savior!

Mrs. Glass sprints over to Tabitha. Gives her a hug.

TABITHA

Mom, I’m fine.

MRS. GLASS

Where have you been?

TABITHA

I needed time to think by myself. I did a lot of walking and gazing at the world around me.

MRS. GLASS

Your world is here. No more contact with that demon in your life.

TABITHA

Demon?

MRS. GLASS

He was here yesterday asking for you.

Tabitha appears content at the notice.

TABITHA

Pappy, was here?

MRS. GLASS

Yes, and I sent him away. That demon of the devil.

Mrs. Glass guides Tabitha to the makeshift shrine comprised of fruits, vegetables, and candles of various colors and sizes.

TABITHA

My goodness. What is it that you worship?

MRS. GLASS

Kneel down.

TABITHA

Mom, I can get you help.

MRS. GLASS

I want you to never come in contact with that demon ever again. Kneel down.

Tabitha humors her mother and takes a knee.

MRS. GLASS

The same goes for his mother. Giving birth to a demon is a sin beyond compare.

TABITHA

They’re good people.

MRS. GLASS

Be quiet. Meditate.

Mrs. Glass pulls out a bucket filled with water from behind the shrine.

TABITHA

Mom, the mental health center does accept your insurance policy.

Mrs. Glass grabs a SPOON from within the bucket. Waves her arm and sprinkles droplets of water on Tabitha who blinks to shield her eyes.

TABITHA

Your condition could be getting worse, Mom. Soon we’re both gonna need help.

Mrs. Glass is not done. She takes out a large SPONGE that’s ready for purification purposes.

MRS. GLASS

You must be cleansed and freed from all of Satan’s workers.

SPLAT! Mrs. Glass drops the mega-sized sponge on Tabitha’s head. Water SPLASHES everywhere.

TABITHA

That’s it, Mom!

Tabitha snatches the sponge and SLAMS it in the bucket. She jumps in her mother’s face.

TABITHA

I care for him. I can’t stop thinking about him. I love him!

They lock eyes with each other. All turns quiet.

MRS. GLASS

The one in the highest will find a way for you.

TABITHA

Oh, my life!

Tabitha bolts out of the cleansing session leaving Mrs. Glass clutching her chest filled with optimism and muttering more supplication.

[James Hernandez]

James’ Character Relationships

What I learned doing this assignment was that fully dimensional characters deepen the story, make it more engaging, offer a multitude of ways to create and deliver situations in the script, and gave me a method to design possibly the best characters for this story.

Characters:

Pappy: Studious, martial artist (explosive), concealing, lover.

Eli: Adventurous, naïve, inquisitive, mad scientist.

Don Assante: Philosopher, circumspect, covert, enterprising.

Tabitha: Sexologist, street-smart, polite, lacking companionship.

Pappy/Eli:

Pappy and Eli would team up to live out new experiences given their studious, adventurous and inquisitive traits (rapport). They may bang heads on how to go about these new adventures (conflict).

Pappy may approach a new quest in a traditional sense, while Eli may approach these tasks from a more cerebral angle (contrast). Given they are essential nerds, Pappy and Eli may compete on situations that require know-how and who can outsmart the other (friendly competition).

Pappy could secretly attempt to get Eli a woman given he’s naïve with sexual situations. Pappy could play into Eli’s world view subconsciously and not see their lack of “manly” prowess as something to worry about (subtext).

Pappy/Don Assante:

Pappy and Don Assante could have illuminating conversations on the wonders of the world and women (rapport). They could oppose each other on how best to carry out “business” (conflict).

Pappy could see women as a chase while Don Assante could see them as part of his business empire (contrast). Pappy and Don Assante could use their world views to engage in games with wagers (competition).

Don Assante could use his knowledge of Pappy’s situation to covertly help him out and make him feel “manly” (subtext).

Pappy/Tabitha:

Pappy and Tabitha could engage in long talks about the birds and the bees (rapport). Pappy may want many conquests as Tabitha would like to settle down with someone special (conflict).

Pappy views the birds and the bees as perhaps not vital, while Tabitha accepts it to be the basis of humanity (contrast). They may try to out do each other on who knows more about the birds and the bees (competition).

Given they both know about the other’s “virginity status,” Pappy could attempt to come across as a tough guy to appear all-knowing, while Tabitha uses her polite trait to cover her true emotions (subtext).

[James Hernandez]

Rewrite for QE Cycle #4 Scene

LOGLINE: Two sorority sisters hide their true feelings from each other that leads to dire consequences.

ESSENCE: Secrets do not stay hidden for too long.

TRAIT CHANGED: Maxine’s Snobbish to Vengeful

Scene:

EXT. BEHIND SORORITY HOUSE – NIGHT

MAXINE (20) sulks on a bench alone. She wipes the tears with her sleeve and looks around to make sure no one sees her.

In moments, RENEE (21) strolls outside with a drink and hanky in hand. She spots Maxine, nods assertively and makes her move. She cleans the bench with her hanky before sitting.

RENEE

Come on, Maxine. We’re all supposed to be inside enjoying ourselves.

MAXINE

I can’t. Bucky’s inside.

RENEE

Your secret is safe with me.

MAXINE

I wanted to wait until I got married.

Renee smirks knowing she holds personal information.

RENEE

We will always be friends.

She puts down her drink and thoroughly cleans her hands.

RENEE

Let’s go for a walk. It’s a cool breezy night.

Renee stands up and waits for Maxine who looks around.

RENEE

We’ll be fine. It’s just us.

MAXINE

Yeah. It’s a nice night.

Maxine gets up and looks around. Then they walk down the grassy field.

RENEE

Do you know who’s going to be next sorority president?

MAXINE

No.

RENEE

Me. You’ll see.

They proceed through the field as they’re watched by someone behind the trees.

RENEE

And as president, I’ll make our sorority the best on campus.

MAXINE

You’re forever making promises, Renee.

Maxine continues to look around and pays little attention to what Renee says.

RENEE

Are you Ok?

MAXINE

I feel like we’re being followed.

RENEE

Bucky has really ruined you?

MAXINE

I won’t be the only one. Soon enough.

RENEE

Remember, our families contribute immensely to this university. So stay level-headed.

Maxine perks up a bit.

MAXINE

Why don’t we sit here and see if we can identify any constellations.

Maxine and Renee sit on the grassy earth.

RENEE

I hope you don’t want to stay out here the whole night. We are hosting a party.

Maxine checks her cell phone.

MAXINE

Just a few minutes. We won’t be long.

RENEE

Why did you choose this spot?

MAXINE

Because there’s extra fresh air right here.

Suddenly, there are SCREAMS coming from the lawn behind them.

RENEE

What’s going on?

TWO FEMALES, completely naked run down the field YELLING in a frenzy. They are chased by TWO MALE PARTY PATRONS.

They all run past Renee and Maxine who appear embarrassed.

RENEE

We should go inside and calm things down.

MAXINE

The party’s just getting started.

RENEE

This is not a good image for us.

MAXINE

You’re worried about our image?

Maxine turns around as Bucky (21) pops out from the darkness. He’s well-groomed with a football quarterback build.

MAXINE

Bucky?

BUCKY

Maxine can we talk?

MAXINE

When and where I decide. Then we talk.

BUCKY

We had something special. All I do is think about you.

MAXINE

I’m sure the whole football team knows.

BUCKY

Nobody knows. Only us.

Renee attempts to avoid attention by staring at the sky.

MAXINE

You expect me to believe that.

BUCKY

I’m not some dumb jock. I’m a person who feels.

MAXINE

I have to go for now. But, you’ll hear from me.

Maxine hops to her feet and starts to walk away.

BUCKY

No. Let me take you home.

Renee stands up and slowly strides beside Maxine.

MAXINE

I’ll be fine.

As Maxine and Renee head out, THREE SORORITY SISTERS rush towards them.

SASSY SORORITY SISTER #1

(pointing at Maxine)

She’s a woman now!

JOYOUS SORORITY SISTER #2

No more innocence, but love is in the air!

Maxine is horrified as the rest of the sorority make their way outside with eyes on her.

MAXINE

(to Renee)

You’d do anything to have the upper hand.

RENEE

It’s a joke gone bad. Nobody was suppose to know.

BUCKY

That’s proof, Maxine! Who are you gonna believe?!

RENEE

We’re sisters. I’ll do anything to make things right.

BUCKY

Trust me, Maxine.

Maxine pauses and stares down Renee and Bucky. Silence takes over as everyone waits for Maxine.

RENEE

This is all silly games.

BUCKY

It’s a misunderstanding.

Maxine marches out.

RENEE

What is she gonna do?

BUCKY

This is all your fault.

RENEE

Mine?

Renee runs to the sorority house. Followed by Bucky. Everyone’s curiosity goes wild as they all give pursuit.

[James Hernandez]

QE Cycle #4 Scene

LOGLINE: Two sorority sisters hide their true feelings from each other that leads to dire consequences.

ESSENCE: Secrets do not stay hidden for too long.

TRAIT CHANGED: Maxine’s Snobbish to Vengeful

Scene:

EXT. BEHIND SORORITY HOUSE – NIGHT

MAXINE (20) sulks on a bench alone. She wipes the tears with her sleeve and looks around to make sure no one sees her.

In moments, RENEE (21) strolls outside with a drink and hanky in hand. She spots Maxine, nods assertively and makes her move. She cleans the bench with her hanky before sitting.

RENEE

Come on, Maxine. We’re all supposed to be inside enjoying ourselves.

MAXINE

I can’t. Bucky’s inside.

RENEE

Your secret is safe with me.

MAXINE

I wanted to wait until I got married.

Renee smirks knowing she holds personal information. She puts down her drink and thoroughly cleans her hands.

RENEE

Let’s go for a walk. It’s a cool breezy night.

Renee stands up and waits for Maxine who looks around.

RENEE

We’ll be fine. It’s just us.

MAXINE

Yeah. It’s a nice night.

Maxine gets up and looks around. Then they walk down the grassy field.

RENEE

Do you know who’s going to be next sorority president?

MAXINE

No.

RENEE

Me. You’ll see.

They proceed through the field as they’re watched by someone behind the trees.

RENEE

And as president, I’ll make our sorority the best on campus.

Maxine continues to look around and pays little attention to what Renee says.

RENEE

Are you Ok?

MAXINE

I feel like we’re being followed.

RENEE

Bucky has really ruined you?

MAXINE

I won’t be the only one. Soon enough.

RENEE

Remember, our families contribute immensely to this university. So stay level-headed.

Maxine perks up a bit.

MAXINE

Why don’t we sit here and see if we can identify any constellations.

Maxine and Renee sit on the grassy earth.

RENEE

I hope you don’t want to stay out here the whole night. We are hosting a party.

Maxine checks her cell phone.

MAXINE

Just a few minutes. We won’t be long.

RENEE

Why did you choose this spot?

MAXINE

Because there’s extra fresh air right here.

Suddenly, there are SCREAMS coming from the lawn behind them.

RENEE

What’s going on?

TWO FEMALES, completely naked run down the field YELLING in a frenzy. They run past Renee and Maxine who appear embarrassed.

RENEE

We should go inside and calm things down.

MAXINE

The party’s just getting started.

RENEE

This is not a good image for us.

Maxine turns around as Bucky (21) pops out from the darkness. He’s well-groomed with a football quarterback build.

MAXINE

Bucky?

BUCKY

Maxine can we talk?

MAXINE

When and where I decide you talk.

BUCKY

We had something special. All I do is think about you.

MAXINE

I’m sure the whole football team knows.

BUCKY

Nobody knows. Only us.

Renee attempts to avoid attention by staring at the sky.

MAXINE

You expect me to believe that.

BUCKY

I’m not some dumb jock. I’m a person who feels.

MAXINE

I have to go for now. But, you’ll hear from me.

Maxine hops to her feet and starts to walk away.

BUCKY

No. Let me take you home.

Renee stands up and slowly strides beside Maxine.

MAXINE

I’ll be fine.

As Maxine and Renee head out, THREE SORORITY SISTERS rush towards them.

SASSY SORORITY SISTER #1

(pointing at Maxine)

She’s a woman now!

JOYOUS SORORITY SISTER #2

No more innocence, but love is in the air!

Maxine is horrified as the rest of the sorority make their way outside with eyes on her.

MAXINE

(to Renee)

You’d do anything to have the upper hand.

RENEE

It’s a joke gone bad. Nobody was suppose to know.

Maxine takes out her cell phone and performs a few taps.

MAXINE

(shouts to everyone)

You all check the school’s website as soon as possible. Renee would love to entertain you all with her talents.

Maxine marches out. Renee runs to the sorority house as everyone’s curiosity drives them to peruse all their cell phones.

[James Hernandez]

Rewrite for QE Cycle #3 Scene

LOGLINE: Two detectives who have distrust for each other and are assigned to the same job adjust for the unforeseen.

ESSENCE: Each
detective must deliver on his/her role to save their skin.

Scene:

INT. PENTHOUSE CONDOMINIUM – NIGHT

The abode is decorated with a exotic fish tank, crystal light fixtures and a telescope near the window.

SQUIRE (35) sets the dining table with a smile on his face. He wears his service weapon in its holster on his right side as he puts two plates down.

He spots the state-of-the-art stereo system and calmly turns on some smooth gentle MUSIC. DING! DING! He answers the door.

Squire opens the door and finds NANCY (30) a gung ho seven year veteran of the force. Both their faces instantly sour.

NANCY

Hell no! This is not happening!

Nancy stomps inside as Squire closes the door.

SQUIRE

I’m not going to argue with you. If you have a problem, talk to Inspector Grimes.

Squire turns down the music.

SQUIRE

I only ordered my food. There are a few menus on the table.

NANCY

At least I get to choose my dinner.

SQUIRE

I have the table set. Enjoy when you’re ready.

NANCY

I’m not hungry. Let’s go over the brief.

Squire retrieves a folder from the coffee table.

SQUIRE

Did I mention your perfume is mesmerizing?

NANCY

Yeah, it’s soap fragrance.

Squire flips through the pages and hands them over to Nancy.

NANCY

I can’t believe this guy. He has a four year old daughter and gets involved with shit. He should be with his family at home.

SQUIRE

Everyone has their reasons. If not for them, what would we do?

Squire circles the living room and stops at a closet.

SQUIRE

This is the fanciest stakeout I’ve ever been on. The department went all out.

He opens the closet and a sex blowup doll falls out causing a moment of silence. Nancy gives him a look and makes her way to the window to scope outside.

SQUIRE

We’ll pretend that didn’t happen.

He stuffs the doll back in the closet. Shuts the door.

NANCY

Did we get the best intel on this guy?

SQUIRE

I made sure of it.

NANCY

How long has your unit been trailing this guy?

SQUIRE

Let’s focus on tonight’s job.

NANCY

I do things by the book. No need to hurt the innocent involved.

Nancy completes perusing the pages and closes the folder.

NANCY

You didn’t answer my question. How long has your unit been trailing this guy?

Squire offers a smirk.

SQUIRE

About ten months. I’ve been at it for the same time period.

Nancy listens to the MUSIC.

SQUIRE

I chose it to reduce any stress.

NANCY

A lot’s riding on tonight.

SQUIRE

Many bad people will be put away for a long time.

As Nancy takes off her jacket, as red laser sight from a firearm streaks into the condo and scans the wall.

Squire and Nancy in a split second jump onto the floor. They crawl to the window, but see no one.

SQUIRE

We’re having some early fun. How nice.

The laser disappears. Squire and Nancy remain on the floor.

SQUIRE

I guess playtime’s over.

NANCY

When did you make detective?

SQUIRE

We should concentrate on the case at hand. And what’s out there.

NANCY

I made it four years after graduation.

Squire’s cell phone RINGS and he quickly answers…

SQUIRE

Got it.

He hangs up.

NANCY

What’s the latest?

SQUIRE

Our friend is on the move.

They hop to their feet. Squire turns off the lights as Nancy surveys out the window to the rooftops below.

They observe a man with a duffel bag on a rooftop. He’s with a small child.

NANCY

That’s our guy.

SQUIRE

You weren’t followed here? Because that fragrance can leave a trace.

NANCY

We can’t take him out with the kid. The kid could get hurt.

SQUIRE

We can’t let him go. Remember, he’s a bad hombre.

They watch the man with the child on the rooftop take a seat.

NANCY

This is going to crap! We have to reassess.

KNOCK! KNOCK! Squire steps to the door.

SQUIRE

Who is it?

MAN (O.S.)

Pizza delivery.

Squire immediately grabs his firearm. Nancy becomes concerned.

NANCY

What’s wrong? It’s your food.

SQUIRE

I ordered Chinese.

She quickly pulls out her gun. They both aim at the door.

[James Hernandez]

QE Cycle #3 Scene

LOGLINE: Two detectives who have distrust for each other and are assigned to the same job fail miserably.

ESSENCE: Each detective must deliver on his/her role to save their skin.

Scene:

INT. PENTHOUSE CONDOMINIUM – NIGHT

SQUIRE (35) sets the dining table with a smile on his face. He wears his service weapon in its holster on his right side as he puts two plates down.

He spots the stereo and calmly turns on some smooth gentle MUSIC. DING! DING! He answers the door.

Squire opens the door and finds NANCY (30) a gung ho seven year veteran of the force. Both their faces instantly sour.

NANCY

Hell no! This is not happening!

Nancy stomps inside as Squire closes the door.

SQUIRE

I’m not going to argue with you. If you have a problem, talk to Inspector Grimes.

Squire turns down the music.

SQUIRE

I only ordered my food. They’re a few menus on the table.

NANCY

At least I get to choose my dinner.

SQUIRE

I have the table set. Enjoy when you’re ready.

NANCY

I’m not hungry. Let’s go over the brief.

Squire retrieves a folder from the coffee table.

SQUIRE

Did I mention your perfume is mesmerizing?

NANCY

Yeah, it’s soap fragrance.

Squire flips through the pages and hands them over to Nancy.

NANCY

I can’t believe this guy. He has a one year old daughter and gets involved with shit. He should be with his family at home.

SQUIRE

Everyone has their reasons. If not for them, what would we do?

Squire sits down on the sofa.

SQUIRE

This is the fanciest stakeout I’ve ever been on.

Nancy makes her way to the window and looks out.

NANCY

Did we get the best intel on this guy?

SQUIRE

I made sure of it.

NANCY

How long has your unit been trailing this guy?

SQUIRE

Let’s focus on tonight’s job.

NANCY

I do things by the book. No need to hurt the innocent involved.

Nancy completes perusing the pages and closes the folder.

NANCY

You didn’t answer my question. How long has your unit been trailing this guy?

Squire offers a smirk.

SQUIRE

About ten months. I’ve been at it for the same time period.

Nancy listens to the MUSIC.

SQUIRE

I chose it to reduce any stress.

NANCY

A lot’s riding on tonight.

SQUIRE

Many bad people will be put away for a long time.

Nancy takes off her jacket and tosses it on a chair.

NANCY

When did you make detective?

SQUIRE

We should concentrate on the case at hand.

NANCY

I made it four years after graduation.

Squire’s cell phone RINGS and he quickly answers…

SQUIRE

Got it.

He hangs up.

NANCY

What’s the latest?

SQUIRE

Our friend is on the move.

Squire turns off the lights as Nancy surveys out the window to the rooftops below.

They observe a man with a duffel bag on a rooftop.

NANCY

That’s not our guy.

SQUIRE

You weren’t followed here? Because that fragrance can leave a trace.

NANCY

You’re the only one that seems to have a problem with me being here.

They watch the man on the rooftop leave.

SQUIRE

I guess he misses his friend.

NANCY

This isn’t going as expected.

KNOCK! KNOCK! Squire steps to the door.

SQUIRE

Who is it?

MAN (O.S.)

Pizza delivery.

Squire immediately grabs his firearm. Nancy becomes concerned.

NANCY

What’s wrong? It’s your food.

SQUIRE

I ordered Chinese.

She quickly pulls out her gun. They both aim at the door.

[James Hernandez]

James’ Challenging Situations

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is the discovery of my characters’ deepest layers, which come through by putting them in uncomfortable situations. These layers bring out their subtext and core of who they really are in the story.

Scene 1:

A. Current Scene Logline: Pappy seeks solace from Denny after the ruined deflowering party.

B. Essence: Denny has to protect Pappy, and offers him a stern caution.

C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges.

Goal: Get a successful deflowering party.

Denny points out Pappy’s lack of resolve

Pappy believes he will never lose his virginity due to his bad luck

Denny withholds the truth regarding Don Assante and his business

Needs: To have a stable relationship.

Pappy lacks a real and intimate female relationship, but hasn’t expressed it

Denny questions Pappy about what he truly wants in life

Values: Truth and intimacy.

Denny tells Pappy he should consider any women he currently has in his life

Wound: He remains inexperienced.

Pappy does not know how to converse without appearing amateurish

Denny brings up Pappy’s relationship with his father.

Physical: His body can’t move.

Pappy breaks down physically in front of Denny

Pappy becomes despondent and appears lacking vitality

D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.

I will rewrite the scene by having Denny question Pappy about what he truly wants in his life. This will cause Pappy to reevaluate his life and recognize what’s important to him.

Scene 2:

A. Current Scene Logline: Pappy seeks Denny for final advice.

B. Essence: Denny has to keep Pappy protected without divulging the plan that is unraveling.

C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges.

Goal: To find his true love.

Pappy feels crushed at the moment

Needs: To settle down with someone he knows and cares for.

Denny is unaware Tabitha is on Pappy’s mind, and can’t help him

Pappy believes Tabitha wants nothing to do with him

Values: Friendship.

Denny notices Pappy wanting to mend things with Tabitha, but doesn’t know how

Denny shares his story with the waitress

Wound: His history of feeling inadequate.

Pappy showcases his most vulnerable side

Denny actually challenges Pappy to dig deep and do what’s right for him

Physical: Someone piques his interest.

Denny asks Pappy if he would be interested in the waitress

Pappy looks like he’s about to fall asleep

D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.

I will rewrite the scene by having Pappy show his most vulnerable side. This will open him up and allow Denny to offer advice which will hopefully help.

[James Hernandez]

James’ Full-out Characters

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is by tweaking the character profiles I’m discovering new layers to my story and characters. Along with the essence and extreme traits, these layers offer more subtext making the story extra engaging and interesting even in a comedy.

Pappy (Hero)

Current profile

Description: Pappy is the studious type who wants to lose his virginity.

Traits: Studious, delusional, inexperienced, bold.

Subtext: Pappy covers his inexperience with women with boldness.

Revised profile

Description: Pappy is totally inexperienced and a virgin, but never backs away from a fight.

Traits: Studious, martial artist, short-fuse, lover.

Subtext: Pappy conceals his virginity with his bold outward demeanor.

Eli (Sidekick)

Current profile

Description: Eli is a loyal and always supportive friend.

Traits: Naïve, adventurous, pretender, studious.

Subtext: Eli avoids festive social situations by creating nonsensical excuses.

Revised profile

Description: Eli grows enthusiastic and joins his best friend’s quest to conquer their women.

Traits: Adventurous, naïve, inquisitive, mad scientist.

Subtext: Eli covers his adventurous inclinations by appearing to be in control.

Don Assante (Opponent)

Current profile

Description: Don Assante rules his world with a human radar system.

Traits: Philosopher, entrepreneur, covert, woman-chaser.

Subtext: Don Assante underhandedly battles his enemies.

Revised profile

Description: Don Assante battles for his interests on different fronts.

Traits: Philosopher, circumspect, covert, enterprising.

Subtext: Don Assante covertly strings along all his enemies in a final battle of wits.

[James Hernandez]

Rewrite for QE Cycle #2 Scene

Logline: Nick faces John, a fellow agent, and attempts to extract information.

Essence: Two agents, Nick and John, have to protect their own individual interests and assets.

Scene:

EXT. ABANDONED BUILDING – NIGHT

JOHN (30) searches the dark perimeter with flashlight in hand. He checks behind him in all directions. No one.

He reaches a dirt patch and takes out his cell phone. Nods as if to say “I’ve found it.” He sets the flashlight on the ground and begins to unearth something…

NICK (O.S.)

You were always the best.

NICK (45), with a smirk, startles John and marches toward him. He records on his cell phone video of John digging.

John immediately stops digging.

NICK

You never wanted help. Even with the most dangerous assignments.

JOHN

You’re calling this an assignment?

John hops to his feet with flashlight in hand.

NICK

I made you into the agent you are, John.

Nick takes out a candy bar and tosses it to John. John catches it, surprised by the gesture. Pockets the candy.

JOHN

And I’ve given the agency my full allegiance. Without reservation, always.

NICK

Why would you be at this location? Without backup?

JOHN

Mumford said to come alone. What’s this questioning? Why are you here?

NICK

I need the name of your asset.

Unbeknownst to John and Nick, a figure in the distant shadows observes the exchange.

JOHN

I can’t do that. At least not now.

NICK

You don’t want a poor evaluation? Which could derail your career.

JOHN

You never played by the rules.

Nick winces in disgust.

NICK

I am the senior officer here.

JOHN

Exactly. You should set the example for all of us.

NICK

Are you going to cooperate?

JOHN

At this point I should be asking you the same.

Nick glances at the ground where John was digging.

NICK

The name I’m looking for is dug up.

John kicks dirt on the patch.

NICK

You never make things easy.

Nick places his cell phone inside his jacket’s pocket. Then flexes as he makes two fists.

JOHN

We’re on the same team, Nick.

NICK

Take out what you have hidden.

John in defiance kicks more dirt on the patch.

JOHN

There’s nothing there. Just dirt.

Nick lunges toward the patch. But is shoved to the side by John.

JOHN

This is gonna look bad for both of us.

NICK

You can save yourself. Your choice.

John notices Nick inching towards the dirt patch.

JOHN

Alright, Nick. My asset is Darcy Snow. She works at the embassy as a liaison for the foreign press.

Nick studies John, circumspect.

NICK

That’s your only asset.

John nods.

JOHN

This is a new assignment. One that takes time.

Nick offers another smirk.

NICK

That wasn’t so hard.

FOOTSTEPS emerge from the darkness. Both John and Nick turn and watch Mumford (35) approach.

NICK

Mumford. I should’ve known. You two now in cahoots?

MUMFORD

Just walk away.

NICK

I never just walk away.

Nick proceeds to investigate the unearthed item. This time John’s shove turns into a scuffle with Nick.

Both men engage in a hand-to-hand military style combat. Mumford looks on ready to jump in at any moment.

Nick overpowers John who fights to protect his interests.

Nick lands a punch as John rolls over the patch. He quickly unearths what seems to be a FIREARM and points it at Nick.

NICK

You’ll never be able to make things right. Think for a second.

Nick lunges. BANG! A shot to the chest. Nick DROPS and lies motionless.

JOHN

Now you know what was hidden.

Mumford shakes his head, distressed.

JOHN

How do we explain this?

MUMFORD

Ms. Snow’s cover is paramount. No matter what happened.

John picks up a sealed folder from the dirt patch.

MUMFORD

He crossed the line many times. This was inevitable.

John takes out his cell phone as he and Mumford stare at each other and then Nick’s body.

MUMFORD

We’ll just tell the truth.

John makes the call as the severity of the undertaking looms over them.

[James Hernandez]

QE Cycle #2 Scene

Logline: Nick faces John, a fellow agent, and attempts to extract information.

Essence: Two agents, Nick and John, have to protect their own individual interests and assets.

EXT. ABANDONED BUILDING – NIGHT

JOHN (30) searches the dark perimeter with flashlight in hand. He checks behind him in all directions. No one.

He reaches a dirt patch and takes out his cell phone. Nods as if to say “I’ve found it.” He sets the flashlight on the ground and begins to unearth something…

NICK (O.S.)

You were always the best.

NICK (45), with a smirk, startles John and marches toward him. He records on his cell phone video of John digging.

John immediately stops digging.

NICK

You never wanted help. Even with the most dangerous assignments.

JOHN

You’re calling this an assignment?

John hops to his feet with flashlight in hand.

NICK

I made you into the agent you are, John.

JOHN

And I’ve given the agency my full allegiance. Without reservation, always.

NICK

Why would you be at this location? Without backup?

JOHN

Mumford said to come alone. What’s this questioning? Why are you here?

NICK

I need the name of your asset.

Unbeknownst to John and Nick, a figure in the distant shadows observes the exchange.

JOHN

I can’t do that. At least not now.

NICK

You don’t want a poor evaluation? Which could derail your career.

JOHN

You never played by the rules.

Nick winces in disgust.

NICK

I am the senior officer here.

JOHN

Exactly. You should set the example for all of us.

NICK

Are you going to cooperate?

JOHN

At this point I should be asking you the same.

Nick glances at the ground where John was digging.

NICK

The name I’m looking for is dug up.

John kicks dirt on the patch.

NICK

You never make things easy.

Nick places his cell phone inside his jacket’s pocket. Then flexes as he makes two fists.

JOHN

We’re on the same team, Nick.

NICK

Take out what you have hidden.

John in defiance kicks more dirt on the patch.

JOHN

There’s nothing there. Just dirt.

Nick lunges toward the patch. But is shoved to the side by John.

JOHN

This is gonna look bad for both of us.

NICK

You can save yourself. Your choice.

John notices Nick inching towards the dirt patch.

JOHN

Alright, Nick. My asset is Darcy Snow. She works at the embassy as a liaison for the foreign press.

Nick studies John, circumspect.

NICK

That’s your only asset.

John nods.

JOHN

This is a new assignment. One that takes time.

Nick offers another smirk.

NICK

That wasn’t so hard.

Nick proceeds to investigate the unearthed item. This time John’s shove turns into a scuffle with Nick.

Both men engage in a hand-to-hand military style combat.

NICK

There has to be more.

Nick overpowers John who fights to protect his interest.

Nick lands a punch as John rolls over the patch. He unearths what seems to be a firearm and points it at Nick.

NICK

You’ll never be able to make things right.

Nick lunges. BANG! A shot to the chest. Nick DROPS and lies motionless.

JOHN

Now you know what was hidden.

The distant figure emerges from the darkness and shakes his head at the aftermath.

JOHN

How do we explain this?

MUMFORD

He crossed the line many times. This was inevitable.

John takes out his cell phone and makes a call.

[James Hernandez]

Rewrite for QE Cycle 1 Scene

INT. MOONBASE – NIGHT

Administration and security personnel gather in the auditorium. A festive atmosphere as everyone is dressed in their finest outfits with drinks in hand.

ROBERT (35) is the command executive manager. He mingles with two of his subordinates, POLICY and HUMAN RESOURCES MANAGERS.

ROBERT

And have you heard that Trent is mishandling the command’s finances?

POLICY MANAGER

First time I hear of such a thing.

ROBERT

Well, it’s a fact.

HR MANAGER

You don’t think highly of yourself, don’t you Robert? That type of news is bound to ruin someone.

Robert nods defiantly, but confidently and takes the stage. He waits for silence to take over the space…

ROBERT

As we complete our first year on our out of this world home, I must say a toast is in order.

Robert raises his champagne glass and the crowd follows suit.

ROBERT

To our work and aggressive efforts to make this the best space command in the solar system.

TRENT (30) is the command finance officer. He stands in the rear and smirks in disgust with what he’s hearing. He is surrounded by TWO OFFICERS under his management.

TRENT

He thinks he can take all the credit for our accomplishment. Standing there giving a speech.

FIRST OFFICER

Do you still want to go through with your plan?

SECOND OFFICER

Violence should never be the only answer.

TRENT

Of course not. But it will make my point. So, we’ll wait till he’s done.

Robert sips his champagne like a professional taste judge.

ROBERT

This fine drink was procured by the man himself.

Robert points to Trent in the crowd. They all turn and shine the spotlight on Trent.

ROBERT

His financial expertise is the best. He could do more, but that’s who he is.

Trent fumes with rage at the commentary.

TRENT

Keep talking, it’s almost time.

SECOND OFFICER

We could be suspended or removed permanently, if we go through with it.

TRENT

Both of you will be compensated extremely well. No need to second guess me.

FIRST OFFICER

Your money isn’t going to help us when we’re locked up.

TRENT

That’ll never happen. You have my word.

Robert finishes his drink on stage and loses his footing a bit.

ROBERT

Whoa! What’s in this? I never tasted sparkling champagne with that much kick.

Some LAUGHTER springs from the crowd, as Robert steps down from the stage.

Robert joins a SECURITY GUARD on the main floor.

ROBERT

Is the backroom all set?

SECURITY GUARD

It’s all set. But, someone’s career is over.

ROBERT

We can only hope.

SECURITY GUARD

Well, there’s nowhere to run. All the oxygen is in here.

Robert taps the security guard on the shoulder and gives the okay. He then glides toward Trent and the two officers…

ROBERT

Thank you for showing up.

TRENT

I wouldn’t miss this for the world.

ROBERT

I see you have the best of the best accompanying you tonight.

The two officers nod their heads.

TRENT

Thank you for the complement up there. My money thanks you.

ROBERT

No problem. I wish I were so set up in life. Things would be better for me.

TRENT

We’re holding a special private get together down the hall. Care to join us?

Robert glances at the two officers who offer reserved blank stares. In a withholding stance.

ROBERT

Sounds good. Shall we?

Trent leads Robert and the two officers down the corridor to a corner room.

Trent opens the door and walks in followed by Robert and the two officers.

TRENT

Here we are.

ROBERT

Yes we are.

Robert closes the door. Then the two officers POUNCE on Trent.

FIRST OFFICER

You think your money’s good out here?!

SECOND OFFICER

Yeah, you turd! Party’s over chief!

Trent grimaces and squirms on the floor from the intense beating.

ROBERT

Your fake money can’t buy everything. Especially protection.

The security guard stands outside the backroom as the POUNDING continues. The YELLS OF AGONY permeating the door make him wipe sweat off his forehead.

[James Hernandez]

INT. MOONBASE – NIGHT

Administration and security personnel gather in the auditorium. A festive atmosphere as everyone is dressed in their finest outfits.

ROBERT takes the stage. He waits for silence to take over the space.

ROBERT

As we complete our first year on our out of this world home, I must say a toast is in order.

Robert raises his champagne glass and the crowd follows suit.

ROBERT

To our work and aggressive efforts to make this the best space command in the solar system.

TRENT stands in the rear and smirks in disgust of what he’s hearing. He is surrounded by TWO OFFICERS under his command.

TRENT

He thinks he can take all the credit for our accomplishment. Standing there giving a speech.

FIRST OFFICER

Do you still want to go through with your plan?

TRENT

Of course. We’ll wait till he’s done.

Robert sips his champagne like a professional liquor judge.

ROBERT

This fine drink was procured by the man himself.

Robert points to Trent in the crowd. They all turn and shine the spotlight on Trent.

ROBERT

His financial contribution was the best. He could have done more, but that’s who he is.

Trent fumes with rage at the commentary.

TRENT

Keep talking, we’re almost there.

SECOND OFFICER

We could be suspended or removed permanently, if we go through with it.

TRENT

Both of you will be compensated extremely well. No need to second guess me.

Robert finishes his drink on stage and loses his footing a bit.

ROBERT

Whoa! What’s in this drink? I never tasted sparkling champagne with that much kick.

Some LAUGHTER springs from the crowd, as Robert steps down from the stage.

Robert joins a SECURITY GUARD on the main floor.

ROBERT

Is the backroom all set?

SECURITY GUARD

It’s all set. But, someone’s career is over.

ROBERT

We can only hope.

SECURITY GUARD

Well, there’s nowhere to run. All the oxygen is in here.

Robert taps the security guard on the shoulder and gives the okay. He then glides toward Trent and the two officers.

ROBERT

Thank you for showing up.

TRENT

I wouldn’t miss this for the world.

ROBERT

I see you have the best of the best accompanying you tonight.

The two officers nod their heads.

TRENT

Thank you for the complement up there. My money thanks you.

ROBERT

No problem. I wish I were so set up for life.

TRENT

We’re holding a special get together down the hall. Care to join us?

Robert glances at the two officers who give their facial approval.

ROBERT

Sounds good. Shall we?

Trent leads Robert and the two officers down the corridor to a corner room.

Trent opens the door and walks in followed by Robert and the two officers.

TRENT

Here we are.

ROBERT

Yes we are.

Robert closes the door. Then the two officers POUNCE on Trent and gets the beating of his life.

FIRST OFFICER

You think your money’s good out here?!

SECOND OFFICER

Yeah, you turd! Party’s over chief!

The security guard stands outside the backroom as the POUNDING continues. The YELLS OF AGONY permeating the door make him wipe sweat off his forehead.

[James Hernandez]

James Max Interest Part 1

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is applying interest techniques helps me expand any given scene with new possibilities not yet imagined that serves the story. This also works well with comedy which gives the scene a twist.

Logline: Pappy meets the “commandos” who will help with the shipment interception.

Essence: Pappy is turning into a danger to himself and those around him.

Interest techniques:

1. Suspense: Pappy’s friend, Eli, has a bad feeling about what’s going to happen in Calabro’s home as they wait for the “commandos” to arrive.

2. Surprise: it turns out the commandos are elderly men who probably should be in retirement.

3. Character changes radically: Pappy, as the initiator of the interception, lets the situation get to his head and becomes power hungry.

4. Uncertainty-hope/fear: Eli wants him and Pappy to run out on the anticipated meeting. It appears Eli will be successful, but Pappy changes direction.

5. Intrigue: Little is known about the commandos, who are allied with Calabro and seem to have their own alternate agenda.

Scene:

INT. CALABRO’S HOME – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Pappy sips his drink seated in front of the coffee table with an assortment of liquor bottles on top.

Eli nervously glances at the knife collection on the wall and the unused body bags supposedly hidden from view.

ELI

This is crazy. Let’s get out of here.

PAPPY

Relax, budster. I’m acquiring a taste for this stuff.

Eli takes a swig. His face contorts.

ELI

No, didn’t work. Let’s go.

Calabro returns with a bottle of water. He tosses it at Eli who immediately downs the water like a thirsty camel.

PAPPY

Are our helpers best in class?

CALABRO

They’re commandos used to high pressure situations. They should be here soon.

PAPPY

It’s getting late. Eli needs his nighttime siesta. So, we’ll meet them next time.

Eli is consumed with joy. They’re leaving.

CALABRO

Too bad. They crossed several states to be here.

KNOCK! KNOCK!

CALABRO

And guess who?

Eli’s joy transforms to a nightmare. Calabro answers the door and there they are in military formation wearing motorcycle helmets. THE THREE COMMANDOS.

They march inside a form a line in front of Pappy and Eli.

PAPPY

What’s with the helmets?

ELI

Yeah, are you guys in some kind of hiding?

CALABRO

(to the commandos)

You’re safe.

ELI

Safe? From what?

The three commandos remove their helmets in unison. All three turn out to be elderly men.

ELI

Shouldn’t you guys be playing golf enjoying your retirement.

CALABRO

They’re experienced. With these types of jobs. Men introduce yourselves.

TUBBY

Tubby. Extraction satisfaction specialist.

CHESTER

Chester. Protection in any weather specialist.

STOMPER

Stomper. Prime time firearms specialist.

Pappy takes a good look at the top notch help, misfits to say the least…

PAPPY

These men are exactly what’s needed. Sharp. Determined. Hard-core.

CALABRO

Men. This is your commander.

ELI

Commander?

The commandos sit in unison.

PAPPY

The operation next weekend is going to be a quick, smash and grab procedure.

ELI

So quick, this may be unnecessary. You guys must have more pressing missions to execute.

CALABRO

(to Eli)

You need some more.

Calabro gives Eli a bottle of vodka.

PAPPY

We’re going to intercept a cigar and condom shipment. You all will get to keep the cigars.

TUBBY

What about the condoms?

ELI

Who wants to get caught with overrated products anyway?

CHESTER

We still use those products. Like those.

Chester points to the unused body bags. Eli takes a deep swallow.

[James Hernandez]

James Profiles People

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is that one trait can serve as a “gateway” to truly knowing a character. This dominant trait triggers actions and dialogue which then give rise to other traits that could serve the story in a meaningful manner.

Person 1:

-Liar

-Athletic

-Opinionated

-Curious

I haven’t seen this person in years, but I remember him as though it were yesterday mainly because we grew up in the same neighborhood and went to school together. This person would lie to impress others and never expressed humility. His athletic prowess usually made him believe he was better than others, yet when called out on a possible lie he would never concede it. He would also lie to investigate something, which put his curious trait in action.

Person 2:

-Adventurer

-Stingy

-Polite

-Withholder

I believe this person to be overall good, yet I would clash with him because he would withhold his true intentions; withholding in a polite manner as to convey that there was nothing wrong to what he was doing. Maybe his adventurer trait fueled his desire to try extreme sports when others were not too keen on participating.

Person 3:

-Criminal-minded

-Obnoxious

-Talkative

-Pushy

If appearance is anything, I obviously did not like this person. I haven’t interacted with person in years, yet I remember him vividly. In a strange way my way of being polite (my subtext) came forth while interacting with this person, mainly to get away and not participate in questionable activities. Rumors from the past indicate this person served time, which doesn’t surprise me and proves the chosen traits accurate.

[James Hernandez]

James Puts Essence to Work

What I learned is that working through the essence helps me clearly see the layers of my story that were always there, but not fully realized. This allows me to go back and write the scenes with more precision.

Script I chose: Is It In Yet?

Scene 1 Location: End of Act 1

Logline: Pappy seeks advice from Denny on how to get respect from Don Assante.

Essence I’ve discovered: Denny has to be a cover for Pappy to keep him safe.

New Logline: Denny’s advice is sought by Pappy, but realizes he can only relinquish information piecemeal in order to keep the youngster protected.

Scene 2 Location: First half of Act 2

Logline: Pappy informs Denny the second deflowering party was abruptly shut down.

Essence I’ve discovered: Denny has to protect Pappy and offers him a stern caution.

New Logline: Pappy feeling dejected meets up with Denny who warns him to “play smart” in the world he’s entered.

Scene 3 Location: Second half of Act 2

Logline: Pappy and Eli peruse the loot they have just seized.

Essence I’ve discovered: Pappy and Eli have become criminals and have to face any future consequence.

New Logline: Pappy realizes he has crossed the line in the presence of stolen property causing him to reevaluate his worth in life.

Scene 4 Location: End of Act 2

Logline: Pappy meets up with Denny to get counseling.

Essence I’ve discovered: Denny has to keep Pappy protected without divulging the plan that is unraveling.

New Logline: Denny advises Pappy to maintain his composure and flow with Don Assante’s expectations.

Scene 5 Location: Climax in Act 3

Logline: Calabro hunts down Don Assante and Pappy.

Essence I’ve discovered: Calabro was always Assante’s target for a sting operation.

New Logline: Calabro searches for Assante and Pappy to take them out not knowing two agendas are taking place, one of which being he is the FBI’s target for arrest.

[James Hernandez]

James Finds the Essence

What I learned is that finding the essence of a scene lets me start at the most profound place possible, which could be described as the “true heart” of the scene. And this “true heart” would help me write a scene with more clarity and impact.

Script I chose: Good Will Hunting by Matt Damon & Ben Affleck

Scene 1 Location: End of Act 1

Logline: Will meets Sean who will make an attempt to counsel him

Essence: Both Will and Sean test each other out for vulnerabilities and/or a connection

Scene 2 Location: Beginning of Act 2

Logline: Sean holds Will’s first counseling session in a park

Essence: Sean challenges Will to open up in order to find and reveal his true self

Scene 3 Location: Middle of Act 2

Logline: Will and Skylar have an argument over him going or not going to California with her

Essence: Skylar opens up with Will yet he can’t face new challenges in life

Scene 4 Location: Ending of Act 2

Logline: Chuckie pushes Will to take a job offer

Essence: Will needs to use his talents and better his life

Scene 5 Location: Climax in Act 3

Logline: Sean and Will have their last session with a breakthrough

Essence: Sean finally helps Will move on from his past and not feel responsible for any of it

Scene with the most profound essence: Scene 2

EXT. BOSTON COMMON – MINUTES LATER

Sean and Will sit in the bleachers in the mostly empty park. They look out over a small pond, on which a group of schoolchildren on a field trip ride the famous swan boats.

WILL

So, what’s with this place? You have a swan fetish? Is this something you’d like to talk about?

SEAN

I was thinking about what you said to me the other day, about my painting. I stayed up half the night thinking about it, and then something occurred to me and I fell into a deep, peaceful sleep and haven’t thought about you since. You know what occurred to me?

WILL

No.

SEAN

You’re just a boy. You don’t have the faintest idea what you’re talking about.

WILL

Why, thank you.

SEAN

You’ve never been out of Boston.

WILL

No.

SEAN

So, if I asked you about art you could give me the skinny on every art book ever written… Michelangelo?

(beat)

You know a lot about him I bet. Life’s work, criticisms, political aspirations. But you couldn’t tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel. You’ve never stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling. And if I asked you about women I’m sure you could give me a syllabus of your personal favorites, and maybe you’ve been laid a few times, too. But you couldn’t tell me how it feels to wake up next to a woman and be truly happy. If I asked you about war you could refer me to a bevy of fictional and nonfictional material, but you’ve never been in one. You’ve never held your best friend’s head in your lap and watched him draw his last breath, looking to you for help. And if I asked you about love I’d get a sonnet, but you’ve never looked at a woman and been truly vulnerable. Known that someone could kill you with a look. That someone could rescue you from your grief. That God had put an angel on earth just for you. And you wouldn’t know how it felt to be her angel. To have the love to be there for her forever. Through anything, through cancer. You wouldn’t know about sleeping sitting up in a hospital room for two months holding her hand and not leaving because the doctors could see in your eyes that the term visiting hours didn’t apply to you. And you wouldn’t know about real loss, because that only occurs when you lose something you love more than yourself, and you’ve never dared to love anything that much. I look at you and I don’t see an intelligent, confident man; I don’t see a peer, and I don’t see my equal. I see a boy. Nobody could possibly understand you, right, Will? Yet you presume to know so much about me because of a painting you saw. You must know everything about me. You’re an orphan, right?

Will nods quietly.

SEAN

Do you think I would presume to know the first thing about who you are because I read Oliver Twist? And I don’t buy the argument that you don’t want to be here, because I think you like all the attention you’re getting. Personally, I don’t care. There’s nothing you can tell me that I can’t read somewhere else. Unless we talk about your life. But you won’t do that. Maybe you’re afraid of what you might say.

Sean stands,

SEAN

It’s up to you, chief.

And walks away.

Essence: Sean challenges Will to open up in order to find and reveal his true self. I believe this is the essence of the scene because Sean was the first person that sat down Will and spoke frankly to him about his attitude towards others and not wanting to move out of his comfort zone. Sean dug deep into Will’s conscience like no one else has.

[James Hernandez]

1. James A. Hernandez

2. I agree to the terms of this release form.

[James Hernandez]

Name: James A. Hernandez

I have written ten feature scripts and two shorts.

I hope to greatly improve my writing to an undeniable level.

I’m not at liberty to talk about myself which in turn makes me strange, unique, special and downright unusual. Cheers.

[James Hernandez]

Hi Elizabeth, I’ll exchange feedback with you. My project is an R-Rated romantic comedy. Would this genre be of interest to you? It would be beneficial to me to get a female perspective on this story. Please let me know if you would like to exchange outlines. Take care and hope to hear from you.

jamester627@hotmail.com

• This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

Hi Lora, thank you for your previous feedback on my inciting incident. I brainstormed alternate settings and feel satisfied the new iteration is much stronger. The characters, conflict and setting improved.

[James Hernandez]

Hi Francine, great to hear from a fellow writer. Yes, it would be nice to team up for this assignment. My email is: jamester627@hotmail.com. We can exchange phone numbers and coordinate a time. Hope to hear from you soon. Take care.

[James Hernandez]

Hi Carol, you have an interesting undeclared competition between two women who essentially plot against each other. Excellent job at establishing conflict between Renee and Maxine who probably have been disliking one another for a while. Renee is prissy in how she handles the lunches and her outgoing and conformist traits are consistent with the conflict in the scene. I wanted to experience more of her pious trait and how it influenced her to win at all costs. Maybe she references a Bible verse. Or, leads a prayer session in the lounge displaying her connection to her faith. Maxine shows her snobbish trait early and establishes the tone for the scene creating immediate conflict. There is good use with the interest techniques as the tension between Renee and Maxine creates a future of “hostility” and the hooks revealed in their exchange have us wonder how will this “combative” relationship end? And Renee, Maxine and Father Horace are placed in an uncomfortable moment as Renee is escorted to the police station. I think Father Horace and Maxine are faced with a dilemma as both will struggle at keeping Renee’s predicament hidden from the public, which leads to the great cliffhanger! What will happen to Renee? Me and the Man upstairs would like to know as our attention was captured.

[James Hernandez]

Hi Rebecca, great work with your scene as Renee’s prissy and devious traits are constant throughout. Her subtext works well given she planned to takeover Maxine’s job at the post office; much planning on her part. Renee’s outgoing and conformist traits show through given the situation you presented. It’s clear Maxine is emotionally wounded and she’s a bit paranoid on how she lost her job, which builds on Renee’s subtext at being entitled at all costs. Your scene builds tension between the two friends as they remember their youth and how they became practically family. This tension rises to a point where Renee can no longer hide her plan to takeover Maxine’s place at the post office. During the exchange, the hooks used cause us to wonder how can anything tear these two apart given their history. The mystery is solved once Maxine finds out Renee’s betrayal, but later learns there were perhaps reasons for her actions. All this creates a future that will be much different from their childhood. I like your ending, as both Renee and Maxine grapple with a dilemma. Should Renee come out with her relationship with her boss or hide the identity of the baby’s father? Should Maxine help Renee with her new predicament or give payback for what was done to her? This all leads to an excellent cliffhanger! What will happen next? An uncomfortable moment for both Renee and Maxine for sure. Could the baby’s father be following Renee and Maxine during the walk in the park? Maybe he’s worried as hell (and rightfully so). How will Renee react if and when she sees him? You’ve got an interesting story here.

[James Hernandez]

Hi Janeen, you have a very interesting and poignant scene here. Renee and Maxine’s traits and subtext are expressed well. The opening is excellent as you show Renee’s prissy trait solely through action, which then sets the tone for the rest of the scene. Her outgoing and conformist traits work well with the subject matter you presented. And her pious do-gooder trait that also serves as her subtext drives much of the scene. Maxine’s trait, emotionally wounded, also helps drive the scene from her perspective. She could be snobbish considering she has expensive tastes in liquor. Being naive does put her on the defensive especially when she’s blindsided with the news that her “friends” know about her family’s drinking problems. Many of the interest techniques work well in your scene. I think your entire scene is structured with the “uncomfortable moment” technique allowing it to flow throughout. The dynamic among the characters has us create a future for them. At the end Maxine is faced with a dilemma: accept her friends help and swallow some pride or completely decline any help, which in each case she would be losing something. This leaves us with a cliffhanger! I had an idea with the “something unseen” technique. Maybe Maxine or Renee notices Maxine’s mother behaving strangely outside the restaurant causing them to react uncomfortably at the table. This could have Maxine’s paranoid trait come into play a bit more. Overall, a great job done!

[James Hernandez]

Hi Kathleen, you have a very interesting scene here. Nancy and Squire’s traits are fully present, which creates conflict from start to finish. Yet, I get the sense that Squire’s subtext drives the scene. He uses seduction from the beginning by removing his shirt and watering himself down, which he probably knows that Nancy would be looking. They seem to have love/hate relationship that could be interpreted as humorous. Also, continuing with Squire’s seduction trait, he jumps into the pool perhaps to entice Nancy to join him. This forces an uncomfortable moment for Nancy when Mr. Shinsuke arrives home. We see the conflict between Nancy and Squire creating a future filled with problems as Squire believes he’s worked too much and needs a break. Nancy is presented with a dilemma; does she join Squire in his relaxation or does she work herself to the bone in an attempt to serve a customer. There could be use for the something unseen interest technique in your scene. Maybe Mr. Shinsuke observes Nancy and Squire from a distance as he may want proof that Squire is not satisfactorily completing the job; he may be video recording Squire and Nancy and jumps toward them with evidence. The cliffhanger ends the scene well. Will Squire survive the curse of the chopped down orange tree!

[James Hernandez]

Hi Kathleen, you have a very interesting scene here. Nancy and Squire’s traits are fully present, which creates conflict from start to finish. Yet, I get the sense that Squire’s subtext drives the scene. He uses seduction from the beginning by removing his shirt and watering himself down, which he probably knows that Nancy would be looking. They seem to have love/hate relationship that could be interpreted as humorous. Also, continuing with Squire’s seduction trait, he jumps into the pool perhaps to entice Nancy to join him. This forces an uncomfortable moment for Nancy when Mr. Shinsuke arrives home. We see the conflict between Nancy and Squire creating a future filled with problems as Squire believes he’s worked too much and needs a break. Nancy is presented with a dilemma; does she join Squire in his relaxation or does she work herself to the bone in an attempt to serve a customer. There could be use for the something unseen interest technique in your scene. Maybe Mr. Shinsuke observes Nancy and Squire from a distance as he may want proof that Squire is not satisfactorily completing the job; he may be video recording Squire and Nancy and jumps toward them with evidence. The cliffhanger ends the scene well. Will Squire survive the curse of the chopped down orange tree!

• This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by  James Hernandez.

[James Hernandez]

Hi Don, you have a really good scene here. All of Nancy and Squire’s traits are clearly presented. Nancy’s subtext carries the scene as she wants their work to remain hidden from the other workers, which would give them sole credit. Just a thought, I would have liked to see more of Squire’s subtext. Maybe he finds Nancy attractive, but doesn’t mention it to her. Instead, he attempts to use his seductive trait to get closer to her and have more of an influence on her. Many of the interest techniques are also clearly presented. First, there is the uncomfortable moment when Nancy and Squire are paired together establishing the negative feelings they have for one another. Their plan creates a dilemma; present it to the other workers or keep their idea to themselves. Due to Nancy’s scheming, we can see her intentions creating a future for herself, Squire and the company at large. The interaction between Nancy and Squire shows a lot of anticipatory dialogue. I had an idea here. Maybe Nancy and Squire are secretly being watched by an employee hired by Blake which in turn makes them a bit uncomfortable. This could be the something unseen interest technique. Good job with ending the scene with a twist as another employee has the same idea for the company! What will Nancy and Squire do now? Great cliffhanger!

[James Hernandez]

Hi Michael, thank you for your thoughts on my scene. Yes, the items referred to included the handgun and sealed documents, which I probably have to make clearer in my rewrite. These were items John (and Mumford) was keeping secret. The call at the end was to local authorities to come by and remove the body from the site. This brings up an interesting aspect to the scene. Maybe John and Mumford are rogue agents, which could add even more interest techniques and reverse what came before. Thank you again and keep writing!

[James Hernandez]

Hi Michael, you have a great scene here. All the character traits and their subtext consistently show up throughout the scene. There’s a power struggle going on between Nick and John in which John could have possibly gained the upper hand over Nick. From this scene, it seems John has deep personal ambitions to one day run his own “business,” but maintains a composed demeanor. Many of the interest techniques show up as well. Just a thought for your rewrite, maybe you can give the reader/audience some information the characters are not aware of which would then put the reader in the superior position. This could increase the suspense and intrigue depending on how you want to take the scene. All in all, I enjoyed your scene. Take care and keep writing!