James Ridgley
Forum Replies Created
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Here is my Class 8 Assignment:
Mystery 1 – Shocking Opening Mystery:
A) Shocking Event: A young woman, Amy Walsh, is found murdered in her apartment. She has been strangled and left on the floor.
B) Secret: The only witness is Amy’s neighbor Max, a nonverbal autistic 8 year old boy. The police are unable to get any statement from him about what he saw.
C) Investigation: Isaac is brought in to try and connect with Max. Using his unique perspective, he slowly gains Max’s trust and finds ways to allow Max to communicate through pictures, patterns, and behaviors. Isaac is able to interpret Max’s nonverbal cues to uncover crucial details about the night of Amy’s murder. But will it be enough to identify the killer before they strike again?
Mystery 2 – Over-Time Mystery:
A) Cover Up: Official police reports claim Isaac’s father Chris died by suicide several years ago. But Isaac finds inconsistencies that suggest it may have been murder made to look like suicide.
B) Secret: Before his death, Chris was investigating corruption in the police department he worked for. Isaac uncovers his secret investigation and suspects Chris was silenced for getting too close to the truth.
C) Reveals: While working a current case, Isaac notices clues that also relate to his dad’s death – similar patterns, locations, suspect behavior. He uncovers hidden documents and coded messages his dad left behind. Isaac realizes there is more to the story than he’s been told, and closes in on his father’s killer. But can he handle the emotional truth about what happened?
Mystery 2: Over-Time Mystery
A. Cover-up:
Chris Freeman’s death, officially ruled as a suicide, was, in fact, a murder orchestrated by corrupt officers who saw him as a threat. The police department has actively covered up the true circumstances of his death to protect their interests and avoid a scandal. The cover-up involves forged evidence, manipulated witness testimonies, and threats to keep the truth buried.
B. Secret:
Chris had discovered a deep-seated corruption within the police department, reaching higher echelons than he initially thought. He was closing in on exposing the criminals when he was silenced. The motive behind his murder was not only to eliminate him but also to send a chilling message to anyone else contemplating blowing the whistle.
C. Reveals:
As Isaac digs into his father’s past, he uncovers layers of deception, discovering evidence that contradicts the suicide narrative. His investigation reveals a clandestine network operating within the police force, involved in criminal activities that go beyond what Chris initially uncovered. Isaac’s journey becomes a personal quest for justice, intertwined with the ongoing corruption storyline, as he inches closer to unveiling the truth behind his father’s murder and the dark secrets of the police department.
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James’ Character Relationships –
My show:
Format/Genre = 1 hour Crime Drama
Concept = An Autistic 17 year old becomes the youngest Detective ever because of the amazing, unique way his mind works to use to capture killers, despite his struggles which his autism brings.
WELL – the Maps will not transfer to here. What a surprise!!
What I did learn to do is to get the first map done and then ask AI for one darker and more intense – sometimes another one even more evil and CLAUDE was accepting that and turned out some very good thoughts for my project. The kind that the shows do so ruthlessly (except no murders yet)
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Can anyone who reads this post the assignment so we can start doing it also?
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Seems odd who is picked to get the assignments and who isn’t. Putting my name in as one who has NOT – in case someone there needs to know.
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James’ Character Emotions.
I must say that between me and AI there is too many choices and since I want to hone them later I have left many more than I will use in this character profiles so I don’t forget them down the line. I feel I am finally learning how these can be used to make layers and loops to last 3 seasons and more. It’s making more and more sense.
No title yet.
Genre = 1 hour Crime Drama
Concept = Autistic 17 year old becomes the youngest Detective ever because of the amazing, unique way his mind works to use to capture killers, despite his struggles which his autism brings.
Main Characters =
1. Isaac Freeman – 17 year old high school junior. Autistic detective prodigy. Secret/Intrigue: He experiences sensory overloads and struggles with social cues despite his intellectual gifts.
2 Lily Freeman – 22 year old sister who is a Patrol Officer and because Mom can’t pick up Isaac from school so while on patrol Sister Lily does and has to do a call and that’s where Issac helps solve a homicide and was offered to help the Police Department to begin with.
3 Detective Julio Sanchez – Veteran homicide detective. Isaac’s world-weary but caring partner. Secret/Intrigue: He lost his own child to an unsolved murder.
4 Dr. Aaliyah Gray – Psychologist. Helps Isaac manage his autism and enhance his abilities. Secret/Intrigue: She gains fame exploiting Isaac’s skills.
5 Diane Freeman – Isaac’s mother. Overprotective of Isaac but wants him to succeed. Secret/Intrigue: Blames herself for not seeing Isaac’s gifts sooner.
6 Chris Freeman – Isaac’s father. Proud father yet ruined his Police career when he tried to fight corruption and was fired. Secret/Intrigue: He also turned to alcohol because he couldn’t keep up Isaac’s care like mom could. And he committed suicide when Isaac was a child – or was he murdered?
***** Isaac Freeman
HOPE: Becoming a successful detective; taken serious as a person of value; finding his own identity / FEAR: His autism getting in the way (terrified of being seen as disabled). The Public Eye. Not living up to his potential. Letting family and friends down.
WANT: To prove himself to the world and make a difference; to be accepted (& recognized) and not defined by his autism / NEED: needs to feel normal, accepted and loved (structure & support). Control his autism.
Base negative emotion: loneliness and isolation; imposter syndrome; crippling anxiety / Public Mask: of confidence and intelligence. Appears detached and analytical.
Weaknesses: Sensory overloads, social cues, and trusting people. OCD. ( Isaac’s sensory sensitivities and difficulty with social cues are his core weaknesses, making every interaction a potential minefield.)
Triggers: Crowds, loud noises, and bright lights. Sudden changes in routine. Being criticized, even misunderstood. Seeing others suffer; feeling inadequate to help;
Coping mechanism: Focuses intensely on details, patterns and facts (which helps him solve cases, but also isolates him further.). Stemming. Retreating into his own mind and retreating from the world around him (shutting down); listening to music; and spending time with his sister.***** Lily Freeman:
A. Hope to protect Isaac; her career ambitions / Fear of not being there for him; triggering his shutdowns. Never becoming detective herself.
B. Wants justice. To be seen as more than just Isaac’s sister. / Needs to keep family together. To feel in control of her own life.
C. Base negative emotion: of inadequacy and guilt. Exhausted and desperate / Public Mask: Stress. Appears upbeat and encouraging; of strength and competence. Forces cheerful, upbeat facade. (Lily’s base negative emotion is the fear of not living up to her family’s expectations, hidden behind a mask of determination and ambition. In her love life, she may hide her insecurities behind a mask of independence.)
D. Weaknesses: Taking on too much responsibility; self-doubt; Need to be in control. Her own bisexuality. Overprotectiveness. Her difficulty asking for help.
E. Triggers: Isaac in harm’s way; being told she’s wrong.
F. Coping: Exercises and long shifts to stay busy. Ignores her own needs. (Writes in her diary?)
***** Detective Julio Sanchez:
A. Hope: to redeem himself. Find his wife & child’s killer or be left with ever deepening dispair. Hopes to help Isaac / Fear: of failure (fear of success in love) That Isaac will self-destruct, ruin his career. Later he fears Isaac will outshine him. Sorrow consuming him. Fears attachment.
B. Wants justice for victims and his own case. Wants to maintain emotional distance to protect himself. / Needs to solve cases, and find closure. Find real and lasting love.
C. Base Negative Emotion: Guilt. (His inner demons) / Public Mask: Appears gruff and stubborn (Base negative emotion of anger and resentment, public mask of stoicism and professionalism.) Actively surpasses emotions. Aloofness.
D. Weaknesses: Blaming himself. Takes excessive risks, acts reckless. Refuses help or therapy. His temper (?) Isolates himself (like Isaac?)
E. Triggers: Child victims send him into rage. Photos of his deceased wife and kid.
F. Coping: Drinks and has one-night stands of violent sex. Cynicism.
(Julio hopes to use Isaac’s skills ruthlessly to solve his wife and child’s case at any cost, but he fears that the truth may be even more painful than not knowing)
Julio:
He is struggling to keep his gambling habit under control.
He is secretly in love with his partner’s sister, Lily, but he knows that he can never tell her.***** Dr. Aaliyah Gray:
A. Hope: Hopes to exploit Isaac’s skills for her own gain and recognition. To use her knowledge and skills to help people like Isaac. (But desperate for prestige and fame) / Fear: Terrified of being disgraced or being overlooked or exposed! (of obscurity – again?) (Balancing her professional ambition with her ethical obligations to Isaac.) Of losing everything she’s gained!
B. Want: Obsessed with success and influence / Need: TO feel successful and respected. Fighting childhood abandonment. Needs to help patients!
C. Base Negative Emotion: Ruthless ambition – inwardly struggles with fear of failure and inadequacy. / Public Mask: Caring, compassionate facade. (Base negative emotion of insecurity and fear of failure, public mask of confidence and expertise, and empathy.)
D. Weaknesses: Willing to psychologically damage Isaac. Addicted to spotlight. Won’t admit when she is wrong. Narcissism.
E. Triggers: Professional criticism enrages her. Fear of being outshone by Isaac. Not meeting her own expectations.
F. Coping: Belittles and manipulates patients. Takes credit whenever possible. Overworking herself, seeking validation from others, and shopping. Rationalizes choices, charms superiors. Gaslighting.
Dr. Aaliyah Gray: A. Situational Hope: Aaliyah hopes to exploit Isaac’s skills for her own gain and recognition, but she fears her unethical actions being exposed. Situational Fear: She fears the consequences of her exploitative actions and losing everything she’s gained. As she ages, she becomes more ruthless in her pursuit of fame.
***** Diane Freeman:
A. Hope: Desperate for Isaac’s independence / Fear: Crippled by worry (and guilt?) for his safety. Chris’s death affected Isaac badly. Fears world is too harsh. Can he ever live independently? Fears Isaac’s struggle and suffering.
B. Want: Obsessed with redeeming her failure / Need: Fighting guilt over his struggles
C. Base Negative Emotion: Hypervigilant and panicked / Public Mask: Pretends calmness; a public persona of strength and resilience.
D. Weaknesses: Smothers Isaac. Resists change or risks. Hides the truth. Self-blame.
E. Triggers: Isaac’s distress sends her into panic attacks.
F. Coping: Hovers over every aspect of Isaac’s life. Stifles his growth. Volunteering at Isaac’s school.
***** Chris Freeman:
A. Hope: Desperate for redemption. Become a hero fighting police corruption. / Fear: Haunted by his ruined career. Fears failing his family again.
B. Want: Obsessed with exposing corruption / Need: Expel his inner demons. Love his family for who they are. Protect family.
C. Base Negative Emotion: Broken and full of self-loathing / Public Mask: Pretends stoicism. (Even Humility?)
D. Weaknesses: Escapism through alcohol. Refuses responsibility; defeatism.
E. Triggers: Police corruption sends him into rages. Isaac’s autism triggers his guilt and shame. Other family struggles turn him to drink.
F. Coping: Isolates from family to drink. Suppresses emotions entirely. (Works on his old car?)
LATER before death:
Trying to rebuild his life and relationships after years of addiction and self-destruction.
Motivation: Wants to be a good father to his children and make amends for his past mistakes.
Triggers: Seeing his children struggle or feeling like he’s letting them down, being reminded of his past mistakes, and being tempted to relapse.
Coping mechanism: Attending AA meetings, spending time with his family. -
James Ridgley’s Intriguing character layers —
I learned better and better how to manipulate AI (prompts) to get better stuff. And the interconnection of character to character is becoming eye-opening and complex due to it.
I apologize as my answers are LONG – I don’t want to hone them down to essentials just yet.
ASSIGNMENT # 4:
***** Isaac Freeman
Hidden agendas: He wants to prove himself to the world and show that people with autism can be anything they set their minds to. Specially in memory to his dad. (As Dr. Gray tells him over and over.) Becoming a detective to find his dad’s real killer ***** Could be that he doesn’t know he killed himself and is a big reveal later. To find and stop the killer who murdered his father, suspecting it was one of the corrupt cops he may be working with! (He doesn’t know until later that it was suicide – or was it?) To keep his autism a secret from his colleagues and suspects – an impossibility to the outside viewer! ( Is he using his detective skills to help others or to fulfill his own sense of justice?)
Competition: Desperate to outperform detectives to prove worth, specially to other “neurotypical” detectives who don’t believe in him because of his autism. Competes with Dr. Gray when she gets on talk shows and fame from him. Tries to show off to Detective Sanchez. Is he competing with his sister, Lily, for their mother’s attention? The voices in his head – of which are many!
Conspiracies: Believes corrupt cops caused dad’s death, is obsessed with exposing it. A conspiracy by the corrupt cops who had it in for his father who might keep Isaac quiet also. Do they try to frame Isaac for some crime? Finally figures out the conspiracy by Dr. Gray to exploit Isaac’s skills for her own gain. Isaac is drawn to conspiracies, and he often sees patterns that others miss, and gets obsessed with uncovering them. He is also suspicious of authority figures also, with the exception of Dr. Gray at first.
Secrets: Is reckless and addicted to solving mysteries; has Hots for a Lady at the police department OR at school!! Or both! He hides the fact that he experiences sensory overloads and struggles with social cues. Discovering His father’s body first but never acknowledging it and only later finding out it was a suicide. His fear of intimacy and his deep-seated belief that he is incapable of love.
Deception: Lies to mom about life-threatening risks he takes; and his fuckups on the cases; (could he be a kleptomaniac – steals things at the police department?) Part of his deception is his autism and what it brings. (Has no deception as in he wouldn’t know what it means to say whether The ends justifies the means or The means justifies the ends??) He is still “masking” – pretending to be something he’s not in order to fit in and be accepted. He often puts on a facade of confidence and intelligence, but inside he is constantly struggling with self-doubt and anxiety. Isaac sometimes pretends to be less capable than he actually is to fit in with his peers, masking his genius to avoid being seen as different.
Wound: Being bullied at school, and by her sister Lily. (much later Convinced he should have prevented dad’s suicide as a child) The feeling of isolation, sensory overloads, and loneliness that comes from being different. He struggles with the desire to be “normal.”
Secret Identity: As a hacker, breaks into police databases to access restricted information!!! (Love this – eventually to find the killer of his dad) He is secretly a member of an online community for autistic people, where he feels more comfortable and accepted than he does in the real world. He is a high school junior who is also a detective.
***** Lily Freeman
Hidden agendas: Got Isaac involved in police work to investigate dad’s suspicious death. (Mom’s secret that he committed suicide) Keep Isaac safe, even if it means sacrificing her own happiness. ( Is she secretly jealous of Isaac’s success?) She is secretly in love with Detective Sanchez, but she is afraid to tell him because she doesn’t want to jeopardize her relationship with Isaac.
Competition: Jealous of Isaac’s instant success due to guilt over past failings. Lily competes with other police officers to be the best she can be. Also criminals who are determined to use her against her brother. (Respect of male officers?) Her own feelings of inadequacy, which are constantly fueled by the expectations of her family and the pressure to be the perfect daughter and sister. (Is she competing with her brother, Isaac, for their mother’s attention?)
Conspiracies: Dad confided in her about police corruption before his death; she is skeptical at first. As well as the possibility that her father was murdered. She believes that Dr. Gray is exploiting Isaac and is determined to protect him – but how? And not to be exposed and killed?
Secrets: Has a drug habit to cope with stress and trauma (??her struggles with anxiety and depression) (Much Later: She is hiding her relationship with Detective Sanchez from her family and friends, afraid of what they will think.) And her guilt over not being able to protect her father? She is keeping her own secrets from her brother, such as her struggles with anxiety and PTSD. *** She keeps a collection of case files related to Isaac’s work, secretly assisting him in solving cases without his knowledge.Deception: Lies to protect Isaac from harm despite severe risks; lies to Step-dad? Or deceives him by trying to get her mom to fight with him? Lily is a skilled police officer, and she is good at deception. She can use it to get information from suspects and witnesses. She often has to pretend to be more confident than she really is in order to be respected by her fellow officers.
Wound: Blames herself for not being home the night dad was killed (Doesn’t know it was suicide until later)
Secret Identity: Goes undercover in criminal circles, taking dangerous risks(??) The sister of the youngest detective in the world. ( She is the protector of a prodigy.) She is secretly a member of a support group for siblings of people with autism. She maintains an undercover persona as an informant within the police force, gathering evidence of corruption to bring to light.
***** Detective Julio Sanchez
Hidden agendas: Using Isaac’s skills ruthlessly to solve his wife and child’s case at any cost.
Competition: Bitter rivalry with deceased Chris Freeman motivates him. Other detectives who are vying for promotions, and jealous of him; as well as criminals who are determined to evade his justice. He feels threatened by Isaac’s intelligence and abilities, not wanting to be outshone by a teenager with autism. This competitive edge pushes him to work even harder and may make him question Isaac’s abilities.
Conspiracies: Firmly believes the department conspired to bury his wife and child’s case and He suspects that there’s a conspiracy within the police department. He is torn between wanting to be a team player and wanting to do the right thing.
Secrets: His guilt over not being able to protect his wife and child. (PTSD over it?) Has become alcoholic and obsessive over his wife and child’s murder. He tries to keep this from Isaac. (Is he hiding something else about himself, such as a connection to the criminal underworld or a secret vendetta against a particular criminal?) He is also hiding the fact that he is the one who leaked Isaac’s autism diagnosis to the press. Later he hides that he starts a relationship with Lily Freeman.
Deception: Puts Isaac’s life at risk with little regard for his safety. He sometimes has to hide his true feelings from Isaac in order to protect him. Sanchez often has to put on a tough facade in order to hide his vulnerabilities, hence his one-night stands – never get too close ever again. He must deceive his colleagues in order to pursue his own investigation. He lies to Isaac all the time, both about his intentions and his own abilities. He is also manipulating Isaac to help him solve his own daughter’s unsolved murder case.
Wound: The death of his teen wife and child when a teen himself. (Consumed by guilt over his child dying while he was on duty.) The feeling he is not good enough.
Secret Identity: Has violent tendencies and a hidden criminal past. He is secretly working with a group of vigilantes to clean up the streets of crime. He is secretly working with a journalist to expose the corruption within the police department.
***** Dr. Aaliyah Gray
Hidden agendas: Willing to psychologically damage Isaac to advance her career (making him her puppet) – and to prove to herself that she is successful. (Gentler: Aaliyah wants to help Isaac, but she also wants to advance her own career. She sees Isaac as a unique opportunity to study autism and to develop new treatments.) She is secretly working for a pharmaceutical company to develop a new drug for autism. She is using Isaac’s research and his trust in her to further her own career and make a lot of money.
Competition: Views Diane as interfering maternal threat. Other psychologists who are jealous of her work with Isaac, while also trying to maintain her reputation as a caring and compassionate professional. (Aliyah competes with other psychologists for funding and recognition.) She sees Isaac as a threat to her reputation and is constantly trying to prove that she is the smarter one.
Conspiracies: Carrying out traumatic experiments on autistic children. Aaliyah is skeptical of conspiracies, but she is also aware of the potential for corruption in the medical field – pharmaceutical industry. The possibility that the pharmaceutical industry is using unethical practices to develop drugs for autism. (TOO MUCH?? The corruption within the pharmaceutical industry, as well as the possibility that Dr. Gray is working with corrupt officials to develop drugs that can be used to control Isaac’s mind.)
Secrets: Is a total fraud and has falsified her credentials. She’s profiting from Isaac’s success. Her own history of mental illness and her guilt over not being able to help her mother. (She is also hiding the fact that she is being blackmailed by the pharmaceutical company she is working for.)
Deception: She lies to Isaac all the time, both about her intentions and the risks of the new drug she is developing. Pathological liar who will do anything for fame and prestige. She often manipulates Isaac to get what she wants. (She often presents herself as a caring and compassionate professional, but she is actually quite ruthless and ambitious.) She must deceive Isaac and his family in order to achieve her goals.
Wound: Was fired from university in scandal she aims to erase. Her own struggles with mental illness. The abandonment of her parents.
Secret identity: She is a psychologist with a dark secret. Her real name and background are completely fabricated. Psychologist and mastermind of a conspiracy to exploit Isaac’s skills.
***** Diane Freeman
Hidden agendas: Overprotective out of fear Isaac will have same fate as Chris. Secretly contacts Dr. Gray with concerns about Isaac.
Competition: Chris’s memory haunts her as the perfect parent she can’t live up to. Other mothers who are constantly comparing their children to Isaac, “At least out child isn’t Autistic.” OR: Other mothers who are trying to live vicariously through their children. Eventually also: Other parents who are jealous of Isaac’s success.) Is she competing with her daughter, Lily, for Isaac’s affection? She sees Isaac’s partner, Detective Sanchez, as a threat to her relationship with Isaac.
Conspiracies: Chris said enemies in department would kill him – she believes it. (Add her work in this: The corruption within the pharmaceutical industry.?) The possibility that the government is monitoring Isaac’s progress and developing a plan to exploit his abilities and she is determined to protect him.
Secrets: Popping pills and drinking excessively to cope since Chris’s death. Is she hiding the truth about Isaac’s father’s death from him? Hides Chris’s things to avoid upsetting Isaac. She blames herself for Isaac’s autism. Her guilt over not seeing Isaac’s gifts sooner and her fear of losing him. She is hiding her overprotectiveness from Isaac, afraid that he will resent her for it.
Deception: Isaac doesn’t know she has cancer and is dying. She has to lie to Isaac to protect him. Downplays dangers of Isaac’s police work. She conceals her husband’s struggles with alcohol and his suicide from Isaac.
Wound: Has never recovered from Chris’s suicide and the trauma for Isaac. (Adding how terribly she was to Chris and drove him to suicide??) The loss of her husband and the weight of caring for Isaac alone are emotional wounds that she carries with her every day.
Secret Identity: Pretends to the world she has it all together though inside she’s falling apart. (Is she hiding something else about herself, such as a connection to the police department or a criminal organization?) She maintains an anonymous blog where she writes about the challenges of raising an autistic child and connects with other parents in similar situations.
***** Chris Freeman (deceased)
Hidden agendas: Investigating department corruption became his sole purpose in life. Protecting his family from threats from corrupted officers, and from the real danger he was putting himself in.
Competition: Saw fellow officers as opponents in his crusade for justice. With other corrupt officers who were trying to silence him. (He felt threatened by Isaac’s intelligence and abilities.)Conspiracies: Knew he would be killed for what he uncovered about the department. The possibility that the corrupt elements within the police department are responsible for his death.
Secrets: Affairs and vices nobody knew about tormented him. His drinking.Deception: Told nobody how much danger he brought onto the family. Pretended to be strong for his family but was stressed and fearful, carried a huge weight on his shoulders all the time. Pretended to be a better man for his family, (lied about his lapses of morality – which were?? Drinking on the job??)
Wound: Felt destroyed as a man by not being able to handle his son’s autism. The loss of his career with the police department. The emotional trauma of his childhood abuse, which drove his need to stand up to injustice.
Secret Identity: Corrupt cop turned whistleblower. (Used pseudonym as police whistleblower?) The proud cop was broken inside for years before his death.
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No lesson 4 to be found anywhere!
James
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Assignment #2 for my own show
James’ Engaging Main Characters
I learned that the different AI sites have different sensibilities – sometime wildly different and sometimes really too close in given answers. Also need to really hone what AI gives out.
Genre: Crime Drama
Isaac Freeman
A. Role: Autistic 17 year old detective prodigy.
B. Expertise: Amazing visual memory, pattern recognition, attention to detail.
C. Intrigue: Experiences sensory overloads, struggles with social cues.
D. Moral Issue: Puts himself in dangerous situations to solve cases; if his “autism” takes over he could unknowingly commit harmful assaults.
E. Unpredictable: Hyperfocuses on obscure clues others miss; can have a “fit” and destroy evidence or hurt himself or others.
F. Empathetic: We root for him to overcome obstacles and succeed.
Lily Freeman
A. Role: Isaac’s 22 year old police officer sister
B. Expertise: Protective of Isaac, understands him well
C. Intrigue: Blames herself for not seeing Isaac’s gifts sooner; perhaps she can ride his coattails to become a detective also?
D. Moral Issue: Bends rules to help Isaac’s investigations; it could get deep where she has to do wrong to make it right.
E. Unpredictable: Fiercely defends Isaac against skeptics. Blunt actions and words can come out of nowhere.
F. Empathetic: Loves her brother and wants the best for him.
Detective Sanchez
A. Role: Isaac’s veteran detective partner
B. Expertise: Seasoned homicide detective
C. Intrigue: Lost his own child to an unsolved murder
D. Moral Issue: Uses Isaac’s skills for cases at any cost
E. Unpredictable: Tough exterior but has a soft spot for Isaac
F. Empathetic: Cares deeply about Isaac despite being gruff.
Dr. Aaliyah Gray
A. Role: Psychologist who aids Isaac
B. Expertise: Understanding of autism, cognitive skills
C. Intrigue: Gains fame from Isaac’s abilities
D. Moral Issue: Pushes Isaac beyond his limits
E. Unpredictable: Seems caring but has ulterior motives
F. Empathetic: Wants to help Isaac succeed on the surface.
Diane Freeman
A. Role: Isaac’s overprotective mother
B. Expertise: Has raised and cared for Isaac his whole life
C. Intrigue: Blames herself for not seeing Isaac’s gifts sooner
D. Moral Issue: Stifles Isaac’s progress against his wishes
E. Unpredictable: Very protective, lashes out if Isaac is threatened
F. Empathetic: Loves her son fiercely, wants the best for him.
Chris Freeman
A. Role: Isaac’s proud but concerned father
B. Expertise: Believes in Isaac’s potential
C. Intrigue: Career ruined reporting police corruption tied to Isaac’s case
D. Moral Issue: Pushes Isaac into investigations for personal reasons
E. Unpredictable: Emotionally volatile due to alcoholism
F. Empathetic: Wants justice for his son despite flaws
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I learned: “It takes a village.”
Prison Break’s 3 Circle of Characters.
A. Main Characters Circle: Mike Scofield; Lincoln Burrows (brother); Veronica Donovan; Abuzzi; Fernando (prison bunkmate)
B. Connected Circle: LJ Burrows (Linc’s son); Warden Pope; Dr. Sara; T-Bag; 2 Secret Service Agents.
C. Environment Circle: Prisoners, Government personnel; prison guards and staff; lawyers and judicial peeps.
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Prison Break 5 Star Model:
PRISON BREAK:
Big Picture Hooks
Ask this: What is the big hook of this show? An accomplished law-abiding citizen risks his entire way of life to be sentenced to prison with a crazy plan to free his brother from the electric chair.Amazing and Intriguing Character: Mike Scofield has the calm, the incredible confidence in himself to pull off an impossible job which can only ruin his life – even if he is successful. He is educated; dresses smart and expensively; doesn’t lose his cool in any situation.
Empathy / Distress: Empathy – he is risking his life by robbing a bank with 2 guns; he throws away his freedom by going to maximum security prison by choice! While in prison he asks impossible favors to a big time crime boss who could have him killed easy-peasy. (V) He also risks his life by offending the Head of the Prison by refusing to help him with something! Both empathy and distress.
Layers / Open Loops:
LAYERS – What is the brotherly relationship which causes Mike to do this? Veronica stalls her wedding date – is it because she stills love Lincoln – who is on death row? Does Mike has what it takes to get the people he has designated to help to really help?
OPEN LOOPS: Will every detail of Mike’s plan work? And by April 11th – the execution date? Who are the Secret Service guys and what do they know? Did they set Lincoln up for murder of the VP’s brother? Lincoln was going to marry Vernica but she is planning a wedding with another guy – Will they actually get married? Will Lincoln get back with her? Will LC – Lincoln’s son with another woman become a criminal and be in prison and ruin his life also? How will Mike use the prison Nurse to ask her father, the Governor, to delay sentence and demand a retrial? Will Mike fall in love with the Nurse? Will his bunk mate turn on him for giving bad advice about his finance?? (“Passion”) Will Abuzzi and BD Cooper help Mike with his plan? Will they turn against Mike and/or Lincoln at any point?? Will Abuzzi get Fabiocci back for what he did to him with Mike’s possible help as indicated??
Ask this: What questions are created by this first episode that can only be answered by watching the entire season? Will Mike break his brother Lincoln out of prison? Will they both be able to have happy lives? Will Veranica drop the current husband to get back with Lincoln? Will LC end up a teen kiiler on death row some day like his dad?? Will Mike completely fail and serve his term or worse – be killed or serve a much longer term??
Inviting Obsession
Ask this: How does this pilot create the need to see every single episode?YES!! This is a multi-pronged plan – and two possible plans. 1. Prison escape and find new lives. 2. Bring the real criminal to justice and live free lives as free men. Can word get to the Governor for a stay of execution?? For a retrial?? TO expose the government conspiracy to hide the real killer??
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James Ridgley
written about 3 dozen features and 6 TV Pilots. I had 2 TV Pilots in development and 3 feature screenplays in line for funding – one of which the producer was going to send me to New York State to direct — all fell through. Now I write micro-budget features and make them myself – I have two in post production now and 2 more I am prepping to make late this year and next. I also have gotten many rewrite and consultant jobs, which have currently slowed up.
I have taken all the big courses and a few small ones.
I want to get better with AI – AND I have lately been totally into crime dramas and so want more of them made and so I have to write them.
Unusual is my first career I traveled the world doing a comedy-juggling act. After that I became a production sound mixer on over 350 projects. I had my hand on Justin Bibber’s butt to put a mic pack on him and also had Mick Jagger with his shirt pulled up to put a mic on him. Also 30 years ago I pitched Steven Spielberg my “Boy and his Dog” story on Matador Beach. He was gracious but nothing happened.
Hope the best for everyone here – let’s do this.
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My name is James Ridgley and I agree to the terms of this release form.
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James’s Thriller Map #1
FARM MURDERS – (very tentative title)
LOGLINE: As an ambitious Trans Male, degree in Psychology and Forensic Accounting, and minor in LGBTQ Studies, waits for word on acceptance into the FBI, he is called home for the mysterious death of his Mother – on the family farm, where he struggles to uncover a major plot to buy off the family farms to a globally well-liked Billionaire.
EXT. BARN – NIGHT
Woman walks backwards out of Barn at night – shock at discovering something, then heads out quick to the road – soon 3 HOODED GUYS follow her –
EXT. FARM ROAD – NIGHT
She runs, they chase after. When they get too close the Lead Hooded one says to fall back. “Give her a chance.” They wait for her to get to another farm and in the middle of the field one of them finally tackles her and another hits her over the head, she lands face down. They rub her face in the farm dirt – she is unconscious when a Thrasher approaches – only feet away she awakes to see it upon her and SCREAMS.
EXT/INT. COLLEGE (INTERCUT WITH ABOVE)
Tang refuses to tell her college friends of her home life.
Friends ask him for his “dead name” at least. He says “That’s why I’m never going back – because “Tina” will always be alive there.”
Reveal Tang is a FBI WANNABE: Tang and friends discuss now days away from her double-major that he heard back from the FBI and they are interested.
Tang, on the morning of graduation day, gets call to come home as the woman who died was her Mom.
EXT/INT. TANG’S FAMILY FARM –
Tang goes home to grieve and wants to comfort and get comfort from his dad, who grieves hard but stoically.
But his Dad turns away from his only child.
INT. SCHOOL GYM
A memorial for Mom – she was assistant coach to the HS sports and it’s the biggest place in the town to have all who loved her pay their respects.
Tang used to be TINA – the best soccer player she had to place on the men’s team. Behind the Glass is her picture and top scorer in the mid-west.
INT. CORONERS OFFICE – DAY
Tang has to assert himself to get the medical and coroners report. Coroner says the found nothing suspicious – she’s the only one to work the thrasher on the farm and must of hit something and shot out in front of it and got run over.
He sakes his head – “At 11 pm??” Coroner berates him: “What do you know – you haven’t been here for the last four years.”
Farm folk call her TINA and so he uses it to threaten them: “I killed Tina so what do you think I’ll do to you if you don’t give me what I have a legal right to possess?!”
A Young MAN, we’ll known him later as BUBBA, yells out “I killed your Mom so what do you think about that?!” And runs off before he can be recognized.
INT. HAMBURGER JOINT – NIGHT
Finds comforting conversation with Phil and a Girl she had a HS crush on who now likes “her” as a “Him.”
Tang goes home.
INT. TANG’S FAMILY FARM –
Tang enters and his Dad, in a wheelchair, won’t talk to him. Turns his back on his only child.
EXT. COFFEE SHOP PATIO
Phil and Tang get back to being best buddies. BUT Prejudices from townsfolk who knew him as female and call him “TINA.” Specially from an old HS guy BUBBA.
They call him TINA a lot and it builds that finally he yells at Bubba: “My name is Tang! Tang, got it??” Bubba says “Well, that’s the stupidest name ever.” TANG: “Okay, what’s your name?” BUBBA: “Bubba.” TANG: “Members of the jury, I rest my case.” (Tang recognizes the sound of his voice from outside the coroners office the day before)
When Tang leaves to go home – Another Guy threatens him with a shotgun they grab from the cab of his beat-up truck. Tang uses his defense training to easily take the weapon from him and shoot out one of his tires. TANG: “That buckshot in your tire just doubled your trucks value. You can thank me later.”
He shoots the other bullet into the air and hands back his empty weapon.
Eyes always upon Tang. Only the younger teens accept Tang, their eyes upon their iPhones “He’s Trans? Cool.”
INT. FARMER’S HOME – NIGHT
3 GUYS dress in HOODS with voice disguise mechanisms to force A Farmer, at gunpoint, to sign their farm deed over to them.
INT./EXT. CORONER’S OFFICE – DAY
The coroner resists giving Tang his report on cause of his Mom’s death. TANG: “I mean she wasn’t chopped into one inch cubic bits, correct?”
Outside Tang meets with Phil who listens to her suspicions about her mom’s death and suggests many things to do to figure it out. Phil is very pro-active.
INT. TANG’S FAMILY FARM –
At Dinner with Dad: Dad says there is no reason for a cause of death. Tang says they have procedures for a death like that.
Dad wants to give Tang relief that Mom is alive and fine but can’t.
All Mom’s friends arrive and don’t want to tell Tang anything. 1. Trans now. 2. Think a “daughter” should never have left her parents for so long. 3. They are despondent because they think Mom is really dead.
[Oddly, the most conservative one now will later become Tangs friend?]
INT. SHERIFF’S OFFICE – DAY
The Sheriff acts like he’s hiding something. (Mom was the Sheriff’s HS sweetheart he was supposed to marry once)
[We don’t know that He is behind the fake death of Mom also and is hiding that!]
The Sheriff IS the law but doesn’t act like it. His son, Phil, who comes in to give Dad his new “healthy” lunch, confers more with Tang more about his Mom’s death – he seems to try harder, with Tang, to figure it out.
INT. LOCAL BAR – NIGHT
A Guy Tang’s age mentions the “HOODED GUYS” as a joke but Tang wants to know more.
But Guy gets nervous, makes an excuse and leaves OR makes a mean-spirited Trans joke out of the blue. (Later turns out to be one of the Hooded Guys- Maybe Bubba again?)
Tang finds suspicious cover-ups to her mom’s death, including the death of the Town MAYOR just a month before.
EXT. CEMETERY – DAY
After Mom’s funeral, cremated of course – a car with no plates – almost runs Tang over.
Old school classmates of Tangs stalk him; taunt Tang as the girl he was before he left.
Reveal that Tang thinks BUBBA maybe a Hooded Guy:
INT. SHERIFF’S OFFICE – DAY
Tang refuses to be intimidated when asking for all medical and crime reports on his Mom.
EXT. FARM LAND – DAY
At the site of Mom’s death – Tang doesn’t find much but takes blood samples from the wide splatter pattern, and then notices footprints and works them back near the Sheriff’s farm. Could the Sheriff be involved?
He keeps blood samples to send to the FBI
[***NEED TO FIND A PLACE in the script to put that the FBI report comes back: “it’s Pig’s blood.”]
Tang gets a hang for this as she finds the Mayor was killed in a very different way but suspiciously and calls the FBI to get someone over for these multiple murders – and hopefully, to see she is ready to join.
A Different FBI Person gets the call and thinks he’s a quack caller.
INT. CORONER’S OFFICE – DAY
Tang talks to the Coroner about the Mayor’s death and this time, oddly, the Coroner freely answers all his questions!
Coroner hands him a bag from storage which has lots of black clothing fibers. A definite clue which could lead to the hoods of the mysterious HOODED GUYS.
Coroner says they were found mostly in the Mayor’s hair.
Which makes Tang think the Mayor could’ve been one of the HOODED BAD GUYS.
EXT. TANG FAMILY FARM YARD – DAY
A B-B-Q for rememberence of Mom.
Tang brings up the Hooded Bad Guys up in conversation – Farm owners nervously call it an old urban legend.
Tang wonders: “If it’s an old legend why did he never hear it growing up there as “Tina?”
Farmers are certainly nervous while they tell the story, contradict each other and seem to make shit up on the spot.
The girl Tang had a crush on – when Tang was female – is infatuated right back and they become a couple. [Turns out she is a deputy and works for the Sheriff.
MONTAGE –
The more Tang digs and the Sheriff threatens to put him in jail – 25 years Sheriff – he won’t comment further against the word of a 22 yr old Trans.
***[Places throughout Tang tells Phil about her investigation and he shows Trust and Distrust at different times – such as saying that the Mayor’s death isn’t a murder!]
INT. TANG’S FARM –
Tang asks Dad to use Mom’s car and his almost refusal makes Tang suspicious.
EXT. FARM ROADS/TOWN ROADS
Tang drives her Mom’s old car and is chased. Both cars get stuck in a sand bar or corn field and they both run and the chase continues on the farm’s 4 wheelers which are dumped in downtown residential blocks of houses.
Tang hasn’t seen what they look like – other then dressed all in black with black hoods – but the chase continues.
EXT. RESIDENTIAL BACKYARDS
Tang is chased by unseen individuals (maybe Hooded Guys) and they now chase on foot – through backyards; Tang is grabbed by an owner of one house and held by his collar like a teenager caught stealing something!
The person chasing Tang leaves, foiled again. Tang calls his Girlfriend and tells her that the Hooded Person must be local – knows the area and rides 4 wheelers very well.
INT. TANG’S FARM – NIGHT
Tang has several friends over when – on her computer – an
Unknown person threatens to post photo’s of Tang’s top surgery.
Tang is upset and Phil, Girlfriend and another friend of theirs get Tang to talk about being Trans. Phil makes a joke about it – which hits Tang hard, seemingly very unlike who Phil is.
Tang takes the hurt to psychoanalyze Phil as she explains what she studied in college to be in the FBI to identify criminally minded people.
Tang, as a joke, says Phil has maniacal tendencies and no empathy for the suffering of others – but Phil gets angry and leaves saying they are no longer friends!
All Tang’s friends leave and Dad finally gives in and talks about Mom’s mouth getting her into trouble. Tang questions his use of present tense when he talks about Mom but he makes an excuse that he is still grieving and in shock.
INT. CITY OFFICES – DAY
Tang finds out that their own farm was sold but Dad knows about it. Tang’s Dad finally admits the Hooded Guys threatened him to sign his land away but he refused – he had no idea that Mom went through with it.
Now that Tang knows the Hooded Guys want land – she wonders as to what plan they must have – their end game.
EXT/INT. BIG CITY – RECORDS OFFICE – DAY
Tang’s Girlfriend offers to go to the city a few hours away by car with him to see who owns their farms. On the way they have sex in the car and find a hidden camera! Who is tracking Tang??
Then Farms deeds are found to be bought up by shell companies. Names are obscure Japanese Animie character names – that’s odd.
INT./EXT. ????
Someone says that they saw the Mayor get into an argument with someone in the shadows by the Sheriff’s barn the day before he was found dead.
INT. SHERIFF’S OFFICE – DAY
The Sheriff says the Mayor wasn’t murdered but the buried condoner’s report is quite different from the official statement.
Tang finds it seems connected to Mom’s death (farm machine?? Components found like black threads?)
Tang is confused by what the Sheriff says and Tang’s Girlfriend says that the Mayor had no enemies except the Sheriff who ran against him more than once.
INT./EXT. ????
Tang finds that Items from the same website which sells HOODS w Vocal Disguisers on them were sent to the Sheriff’s address. He confronts the Sheriff who tells Tang to go back to their college town and don’t open this can of worms.
INT. VARIOUS FARMERS HOMES – DAY
Tang hears where and when the townsfolk have had encounters with the Hooded Guys and has an answer as to why they must be locals. 1. Had to have keys to the thrasher – had to have a place to torture the Mayor or ? (Maybe Mayor died of a heart attack – which coroner report says – but because he was beaten up on so bad! Perhaps Tang gets photos of his beaten face)
EXT./INT. SHERIFF’S BARN – NIGHT
Tang and Girlfriend sneak into the Sheriff’s barn and find Hoods with mouth pieces.
Tang and Girlfriend are abducted – black hoods are slammed over their heads. Their hands tied up quick!
INT. TRUCK – FARM ROADS – NIGHT
Tang and Girlfriend are hooded to be taken somewhere else but Tang feels the truck stop and he tries to open the door and escape and a fight breaks out and both of them jump out an open door.
Their hand ties are easy to break off.
Rolling on the ground they both take their Hoods off to see the Truck far in the distance – can’t see any plate numbers – when it pulls over and a rife is aimed toward them.
Girlfriend shields Tang and gets hit in the shoulder by a bullet.
Tang girlfriend is almost killed by a bullet meant for him.
INT. HOSPITAL – ROOM – DAY
As Girlfriend will recover, Tang walks by BUBBA:
REVEAL BUBBA is one of the Hooded Guys: Fits the profile and black threads on his shirt that he wears for days on end.
INT. SHERFF’S ROOM – DAY
Tang demands a line-up for ONE WITNESS who one Hooded Guy threatened:
ONE WITNESS identifies BUBBA as the voice who threatened her. Soon after she says that the leader Hooded Guy had a mis-step to him, they can tell because they breed horses and you gotta watch for that or they aren’t worth as much but for studding.” (Phil has no toes on right foot from a farm accident)
Phil had been acting like Tangs best friend all this time!
INT. SHERIFF’S BARN –
Phil traps Tang in his barn basement; Tang points out the “hitch” in his step – Phil shows her that his toes were cut off by this fucking being a farmer BS!!
Person said Hooded Leader had a “hitch” in his step.
Phil gets out his Hood with he voice-disguising mouth-ware to show Tang.
Turns out it has been Tang’s best old friend from growing up who is the killer and they fight. Phil escapes.
EXT. SHERIFF’S BARN – FIELDS – SAME TIME
Phil runs off – only to be chased down by his own father, the Sheriff, and arrested.
Turns out the Sheriff was protecting his son, Phil. And as he looks at his son in cuffs about to cry he sets him free and yells for him to run!!
It is Tang alone who has to chase him down on foot – in the very field where his own Mom was killed and duke it out with Tang the victor.
BUT when it looks like it’s done PERHAPS Phil throws dirt in Tang’s eyes and a THRASHER machine stops Phil from getting away – turns out to be Tang’s Dad, who also saved his Wife’s life (Tang’s Mom) in the opening scene.
Phil confesses: Killed the Mayor in Phil’s Garage cuz he found out our plan to steal the deeds, use out own notary for the documents and connections to sell to the Billionaire but they didn’t kill Tang’s Mom but meant to cuz she snooped around . We knocked her out in the field and someone else drove that thrasher over her!
Phil and the Sheriff are taken in by the Deputy.
INT. DAD’S TRUCK – DAWN
Dad drives Tang outside of town to some strange house.
EXT. STRANGE HOUSE – MORNING
Tang reunites with his Mom! She’s been alive all this time!
Dad and Mom explain that they, the Sheriff and the Coroner made up the story that she died because she knew you could find out who the Hooded Guys were and save their farms and that this was the only way you’d ever come back home again.
INT. SCHOOL GYM – DAY
Tang also gets all the farm folks their deeds back and is shown gratitude by those who hated and were scared that Tang is a Trans Male.
INT. HOSPITAL – DAY
Tang visits his Girlfriend, recovering in the hospital and Perhaps a phone call from the FBI – “when can you start?”
TWIST: He smiles at his Girlfriend which makes us think he may turn down the job offer to stay with her.
Girlfriend demands he go and fulfill his dreams – besides now she has the idea that getting out of town to go to college might be a good thing also.
TWIST: Tang suggests that this farm town ain’t so bad and that they hang out here for the summer and think about all their options.
THE END
-
James Thriller Map. It’s a long one. Lol.
FARM MURDERS – (very tentative title)
LOGLINE: As an ambitious Trans Male, degree in Psychology and Forensic Accounting, and minor in LGBTQ Studies, waits for word on acceptance into the FBI, he is called home for the mysterious death of his Mother – on the family farm, where he struggles to uncover a major plot to buy off the family farms to a globally well-liked Billionaire.
EXT. BARN – NIGHT
Woman walks backwards out of Barn at night – shock at discovering something, then heads out quick to the road – soon 3 HOODED GUYS follow her –
EXT. FARM ROAD – NIGHT
She runs, they chase after. When they get too close the Lead Hooded one says to fall back. “Give her a chance.” They wait for her to get to another farm and in the middle of the field one of them finally tackles her and another hits her over the head, she lands face down. They rub her face in the farm dirt – she is unconscious when a Thrasher approaches – only feet away she awakes to see it upon her and SCREAMS.
EXT/INT. COLLEGE (INTERCUT WITH ABOVE)
Tang refuses to tell her college friends of her home life.
Friends ask him for his “dead name” at least. He says “That’s why I’m never going back – because “Tina” will always be alive there.”
Reveal Tang is a FBI WANNABE: Tang and friends discuss now days away from her double-major that he heard back from the FBI and they are interested.
Tang, on the morning of graduation day, gets call to come home as the woman who died was her Mom.
EXT/INT. TANG’S FAMILY FARM –
Tang goes home to grieve and wants to comfort and get comfort from his dad, who grieves hard but stoically.
But his Dad turns away from his only child.
INT. SCHOOL GYM
A memorial for Mom – she was assistant coach to the HS sports and it’s the biggest place in the town to have all who loved her pay their respects.
Tang used to be TINA – the best soccer player she had to place on the men’s team. Behind the Glass is her picture and top scorer in the mid-west.
INT. CORONERS OFFICE – DAY
Tang has to assert himself to get the medical and coroners report. Coroner says the found nothing suspicious – she’s the only one to work the thrasher on the farm and must of hit something and shot out in front of it and got run over.
He sakes his head – “At 11 pm??” Coroner berates him: “What do you know – you haven’t been here for the last four years.”
Farm folk call her TINA and so he uses it to threaten them: “I killed Tina so what do you think I’ll do to you if you don’t give me what I have a legal right to possess?!”
A Young MAN, we’ll known him later as BUBBA, yells out “I killed your Mom so what do you think about that?!” And runs off before he can be recognized.
INT. HAMBURGER JOINT – NIGHT
Finds comforting conversation with Phil and a Girl she had a HS crush on who now likes “her” as a “Him.”
Tang goes home.
INT. TANG’S FAMILY FARM –
Tang enters and his Dad, in a wheelchair, won’t talk to him. Turns his back on his only child.
EXT. COFFEE SHOP PATIO
Phil and Tang get back to being best buddies. BUT Prejudices from townsfolk who knew him as female and call him “TINA.” Specially from an old HS guy BUBBA.
They call him TINA a lot and it builds that finally he yells at Bubba: “My name is Tang! Tang, got it??” Bubba says “Well, that’s the stupidest name ever.” TANG: “Okay, what’s your name?” BUBBA: “Bubba.” TANG: “Members of the jury, I rest my case.” (Tang recognizes the sound of his voice from outside the coroners office the day before)
When Tang leaves to go home – Another Guy threatens him with a shotgun they grab from the cab of his beat-up truck. Tang uses his defense training to easily take the weapon from him and shoot out one of his tires. TANG: “That buckshot in your tire just doubled your trucks value. You can thank me later.”
He shoots the other bullet into the air and hands back his empty weapon.
Eyes always upon Tang. Only the younger teens accept Tang, their eyes upon their iPhones “He’s Trans? Cool.”
INT. FARMER’S HOME – NIGHT
3 GUYS dress in HOODS with voice disguise mechanisms to force A Farmer, at gunpoint, to sign their farm deed over to them.
INT./EXT. CORONER’S OFFICE – DAY
The coroner resists giving Tang his report on cause of his Mom’s death. TANG: “I mean she wasn’t chopped into one inch cubic bits, correct?”
Outside Tang meets with Phil who listens to her suspicions about her mom’s death and suggests many things to do to figure it out. Phil is very pro-active.
INT. TANG’S FAMILY FARM –
At Dinner with Dad: Dad says there is no reason for a cause of death. Tang says they have procedures for a death like that.
Dad wants to give Tang relief that Mom is alive and fine but can’t.
All Mom’s friends arrive and don’t want to tell Tang anything. 1. Trans now. 2. Think a “daughter” should never have left her parents for so long. 3. They are despondent because they think Mom is really dead.
[Oddly, the most conservative one now will later become Tangs friend?]
INT. SHERIFF’S OFFICE – DAY
The Sheriff acts like he’s hiding something. (Mom was the Sheriff’s HS sweetheart he was supposed to marry once)
[We don’t know that He is behind the fake death of Mom also and is hiding that!]
The Sheriff IS the law but doesn’t act like it. His son, Phil, who comes in to give Dad his new “healthy” lunch, confers more with Tang more about his Mom’s death – he seems to try harder, with Tang, to figure it out.
INT. LOCAL BAR – NIGHT
A Guy Tang’s age mentions the “HOODED GUYS” as a joke but Tang wants to know more.
But Guy gets nervous, makes an excuse and leaves OR makes a mean-spirited Trans joke out of the blue. (Later turns out to be one of the Hooded Guys- Maybe Bubba again?)
Tang finds suspicious cover-ups to her mom’s death, including the death of the Town MAYOR just a month before.
EXT. CEMETERY – DAY
After Mom’s funeral, cremated of course – a car with no plates – almost runs Tang over.
Old school classmates of Tangs stalk him; taunt Tang as the girl he was before he left.
Reveal that Tang thinks BUBBA maybe a Hooded Guy:
INT. SHERIFF’S OFFICE – DAY
Tang refuses to be intimidated when asking for all medical and crime reports on his Mom.
EXT. FARM LAND – DAY
At the site of Mom’s death – Tang doesn’t find much but takes blood samples from the wide splatter pattern, and then notices footprints and works them back near the Sheriff’s farm. Could the Sheriff be involved?
He keeps blood samples to send to the FBI
[***NEED TO FIND A PLACE in the script to put that the FBI report comes back: “it’s Pig’s blood.”]
Tang gets a hang for this as she finds the Mayor was killed in a very different way but suspiciously and calls the FBI to get someone over for these multiple murders – and hopefully, to see she is ready to join.
A Different FBI Person gets the call and thinks he’s a quack caller.
INT. CORONER’S OFFICE – DAY
Tang talks to the Coroner about the Mayor’s death and this time, oddly, the Coroner freely answers all his questions!
Coroner hands him a bag from storage which has lots of black clothing fibers. A definite clue which could lead to the hoods of the mysterious HOODED GUYS.
Coroner says they were found mostly in the Mayor’s hair.
Which makes Tang think the Mayor could’ve been one of the HOODED BAD GUYS.
EXT. TANG FAMILY FARM YARD – DAY
A B-B-Q for rememberence of Mom.
Tang brings up the Hooded Bad Guys up in conversation – Farm owners nervously call it an old urban legend.
Tang wonders: “If it’s an old legend why did he never hear it growing up there as “Tina?”
Farmers are certainly nervous while they tell the story, contradict each other and seem to make shit up on the spot.
The girl Tang had a crush on – when Tang was female – is infatuated right back and they become a couple. [Turns out she is a deputy and works for the Sheriff.
MONTAGE –
The more Tang digs and the Sheriff threatens to put him in jail – 25 years Sheriff – he won’t comment further against the word of a 22 yr old Trans.
***[Places throughout Tang tells Phil about her investigation and he shows Trust and Distrust at different times – such as saying that the Mayor’s death isn’t a murder!]
INT. TANG’S FARM –
Tang asks Dad to use Mom’s car and his almost refusal makes Tang suspicious.
EXT. FARM ROADS/TOWN ROADS
Tang drives her Mom’s old car and is chased. Both cars get stuck in a sand bar or corn field and they both run and the chase continues on the farm’s 4 wheelers which are dumped in downtown residential blocks of houses.
Tang hasn’t seen what they look like – other then dressed all in black with black hoods – but the chase continues.
EXT. RESIDENTIAL BACKYARDS
Tang is chased by unseen individuals (maybe Hooded Guys) and they now chase on foot – through backyards; Tang is grabbed by an owner of one house and held by his collar like a teenager caught stealing something!
The person chasing Tang leaves, foiled again. Tang calls his Girlfriend and tells her that the Hooded Person must be local – knows the area and rides 4 wheelers very well.
INT. TANG’S FARM – NIGHT
Tang has several friends over when – on her computer – an
Unknown person threatens to post photo’s of Tang’s top surgery.
Tang is upset and Phil, Girlfriend and another friend of theirs get Tang to talk about being Trans. Phil makes a joke about it – which hits Tang hard, seemingly very unlike who Phil is.
Tang takes the hurt to psychoanalyze Phil as she explains what she studied in college to be in the FBI to identify criminally minded people.
Tang, as a joke, says Phil has maniacal tendencies and no empathy for the suffering of others – but Phil gets angry and leaves saying they are no longer friends!
All Tang’s friends leave and Dad finally gives in and talks about Mom’s mouth getting her into trouble. Tang questions his use of present tense when he talks about Mom but he makes an excuse that he is still grieving and in shock.
INT. CITY OFFICES – DAY
Tang finds out that their own farm was sold but Dad knows about it. Tang’s Dad finally admits the Hooded Guys threatened him to sign his land away but he refused – he had no idea that Mom went through with it.
Now that Tang knows the Hooded Guys want land – she wonders as to what plan they must have – their end game.
EXT/INT. BIG CITY – RECORDS OFFICE – DAY
Tang’s Girlfriend offers to go to the city a few hours away by car with him to see who owns their farms. On the way they have sex in the car and find a hidden camera! Who is tracking Tang??
Then Farms deeds are found to be bought up by shell companies. Names are obscure Japanese Animie character names – that’s odd.
INT./EXT. ????
Someone says that they saw the Mayor get into an argument with someone in the shadows by the Sheriff’s barn the day before he was found dead.
INT. SHERIFF’S OFFICE – DAY
The Sheriff says the Mayor wasn’t murdered but the buried condoner’s report is quite different from the official statement.
Tang finds it seems connected to Mom’s death (farm machine?? Components found like black threads?)
Tang is confused by what the Sheriff says and Tang’s Girlfriend says that the Mayor had no enemies except the Sheriff who ran against him more than once.
INT./EXT. ????
Tang finds that Items from the same website which sells HOODS w Vocal Disguisers on them were sent to the Sheriff’s address. He confronts the Sheriff who tells Tang to go back to their college town and don’t open this can of worms.
INT. VARIOUS FARMERS HOMES – DAY
Tang hears where and when the townsfolk have had encounters with the Hooded Guys and has an answer as to why they must be locals. 1. Had to have keys to the thrasher – had to have a place to torture the Mayor or ? (Maybe Mayor died of a heart attack – which coroner report says – but because he was beaten up on so bad! Perhaps Tang gets photos of his beaten face)
EXT./INT. SHERIFF’S BARN – NIGHT
Tang and Girlfriend sneak into the Sheriff’s barn and find Hoods with mouth pieces.
Tang and Girlfriend are abducted – black hoods are slammed over their heads. Their hands tied up quick!
INT. TRUCK – FARM ROADS – NIGHT
Tang and Girlfriend are hooded to be taken somewhere else but Tang feels the truck stop and he tries to open the door and escape and a fight breaks out and both of them jump out an open door.
Their hand ties are easy to break off.
Rolling on the ground they both take their Hoods off to see the Truck far in the distance – can’t see any plate numbers – when it pulls over and a rife is aimed toward them.
Girlfriend shields Tang and gets hit in the shoulder by a bullet.
Tang girlfriend is almost killed by a bullet meant for him.
INT. HOSPITAL – ROOM – DAY
As Girlfriend will recover, Tang walks by BUBBA:
REVEAL BUBBA is one of the Hooded Guys: Fits the profile and black threads on his shirt that he wears for days on end.
INT. SHERFF’S ROOM – DAY
Tang demands a line-up for ONE WITNESS who one Hooded Guy threatened:
ONE WITNESS identifies BUBBA as the voice who threatened her. Soon after she says that the leader Hooded Guy had a mis-step to him, they can tell because they breed horses and you gotta watch for that or they aren’t worth as much but for studding.” (Phil has no toes on right foot from a farm accident)
Phil had been acting like Tangs best friend all this time!
INT. SHERIFF’S BARN –
Phil traps Tang in his barn basement; Tang points out the “hitch” in his step – Phil shows her that his toes were cut off by this fucking being a farmer BS!!
Person said Hooded Leader had a “hitch” in his step.
Phil gets out his Hood with he voice-disguising mouth-ware to show Tang.
Turns out it has been Tang’s best old friend from growing up who is the killer and they fight. Phil escapes.
EXT. SHERIFF’S BARN – FIELDS – SAME TIME
Phil runs off – only to be chased down by his own father, the Sheriff, and arrested.
Turns out the Sheriff was protecting his son, Phil. And as he looks at his son in cuffs about to cry he sets him free and yells for him to run!!
It is Tang alone who has to chase him down on foot – in the very field where his own Mom was killed and duke it out with Tang the victor.
BUT when it looks like it’s done PERHAPS Phil throws dirt in Tang’s eyes and a THRASHER machine stops Phil from getting away – turns out to be Tang’s Dad, who also saved his Wife’s life (Tang’s Mom) in the opening scene.
Phil confesses: Killed the Mayor in Phil’s Garage cuz he found out our plan to steal the deeds, use out own notary for the documents and connections to sell to the Billionaire but they didn’t kill Tang’s Mom but meant to cuz she snooped around . We knocked her out in the field and someone else drove that thrasher over her!
Phil and the Sheriff are taken in by the Deputy.
INT. DAD’S TRUCK – DAWN
Dad drives Tang outside of town to some strange house.
EXT. STRANGE HOUSE – MORNING
Tang reunites with his Mom! She’s been alive all this time!
Dad and Mom explain that they, the Sheriff and the Coroner made up the story that she died because she knew you could find out who the Hooded Guys were and save their farms and that this was the only way you’d ever come back home again.
INT. SCHOOL GYM – DAY
Tang also gets all the farm folks their deeds back and is shown gratitude by those who hated and were scared that Tang is a Trans Male.
INT. HOSPITAL – DAY
Tang visits his Girlfriend, recovering in the hospital and Perhaps a phone call from the FBI – “when can you start?”
TWIST: He smiles at his Girlfriend which makes us think he may turn down the job offer to stay with her.
Girlfriend demands he go and fulfill his dreams – besides now she has the idea that getting out of town to go to college might be a good thing also.
TWIST: Tang suggests that this farm town ain’t so bad and that they hang out here for the summer and think about all their options.
THE END
-
James — Oops – I put this 13 assignment on day 12 – silly me.
Here it is again.
FARM MURDERS:
OPENING:
Woman backing out of Barn at night – shock at discovering something, then heading out quick to the road – soon 3 HOODED GUYS with voice devices on, follow her – she runs, they chase after. When they get too close the Lead Hooded one says to fall back. “Give her a chance.” They wait for her to get to another farm and in the middle of the field they hit her over the head, she lands face down. They rub her face in the farm dirt – then slam her face into it – she is unconscious when a Thrasher approaches – only feet away she awakes to see it upon her and SCREAMS.
TWIST: At the end of the script we see that the Thrasher was to scare the Hooded Guys away and the woman – Tang’s Mom is still alive!!
At College: Tang refuses to tell her college friends of her home life.
TWIST: Friends ask him for his “dead name” at least. He says “That’s why I’m never going back – because “Tina” will always be alive there.”
Reveal Tang is a FBI WANNABE: Tang and friends discuss now weeks away from her double-major that his eyes are set on getting into the FBI.
INCITING INCIDENT: TANG, in last week of College, gets call to come home as the woman who died was her Mom.
Tang goes home to grieve and wants to comfort and get comfort from his dad, grieving hard but stoically.
TWIST: He turns away from his only child.
Reveal TINA: IN THE GYM where a memorial for Mom – cuz she assistant coached the HS sports and it’s the biggest place in the town to have all who loved her.
REVEAL that Tang used to be TINA – the best soccer player she had to place on the men’s team. Behind the Glass is her picture and top scorer in the mid-west.
Tang Has to assert himself to get medical and coroners report. Coroner says nothing suspicious – she’s the only one to work the thrasher on the farm and must of hit something and shot out in front of it and got run over.
TWIST: Farm folk call her TINA and so he uses it to threaten them: “I killed Tina so what do you think I’ll do to you if you don’t give me what I have a legal right to possess?!”
MISDIRECTION: Dialogue: A Young MAN, we’ll known him later as BUBBA, yells out “I killed your Mom so what do you think about that?!” And runs off before he can be recognized..
Finds comfort with Phil and a Girl she had a HS crush on like her as a “Him.”
Tang goes home and his Dad, in a wheelchair, won’t talk to him. Turns his back on his only child.
Prejudices from townsfolk who knew him as female. Specially from an old HS guy BUBBA:
TWIST: They call him TINA a lot and it builds that finally he yells at one of them – “My name is Tang! Tang, got it??” Guy says “Well, that’s the stupidest name ever.” TANG: “Okay, what’s your name?” GUY: “Bubba.” TANG: “Members of the jury, I rest my case.” (Tang recognizes the sound of his voice from outside the coroners office the day before)
TWIST: Another Guy threatens him with a shotgun he grabs from the cab of his beat-up truck. Tang uses his defense training to easily take the weapon from him and shoot out one of his tires. TANG: “That buckshot in your tire just doubled your trucks value. You can thank me later.” He shoots the other bullet into the air and hands back his empty weapon.
Eyes always upon Tang.
TWIST: Only the young teens people accept Tang, their eyes upon their iPhones “He’s Trans? Cool.”
[Covertly – Phil has set the old neighbors and friends against Tang for being Trans Male, all the wild being his truest friend, like they were best friends back in High School.]
3 GUYS dress in HOODS with voice disguise mechanisms to force Farmers, at gunpoint, to sign their farm deed over to them.
The coroner resists giving Tang his report on cause of death. “I mean she wasn’t chopped into one inch cubic bits, correct?”
At Dinner with Dad: Dad says there is no reason for a cause of death. Tang says they have procedures for a death like that.
TWIST: Dad wants to give Tang relief that Mom is alive and fine but can’t.
All Mom’s friends don’t want to tell Tang anything. 1. Trans now. 2. Think a “daughter” should never have left her parents for so long. 3. They are despondent because they think Mom is really dead.
TWIST: The most conservative one now will later become Tangs friend?
The Sheriff acts like he’s hiding something. (Mom was the Sheriff’s HS sweetheart he was supposed to marry once)
TWIST: He is behind the fake death of Mom also and is hiding that!
The Sheriff IS the law but doesn’t act like it; his son, Phil seems to try harder, with Tang, to figure it out.
A Guy Tang’s age mentions the “HOODED GUYS” as a joke but Tang wants to know more.
TWIST: Guy gets nervous, makes an excuse and leaves OR makes a mean-spirited Trans joke out of the blue. (Later turns out to be one of the Hooded Guys- Maybe Bubba again?)
TURNING POINT: TANG finds suspicious cover-ups to her mom’s death, including the death of the Town MAYOR just a month before.
After Mom’s funeral, cremated of course – a car with no plates – almost runs Tang over.
Old school classmates of Tangs stalk him; taunt Tang as a girl;
Reveal that Tang thinks BUBBA maybe a Hooded Guy:
Tang refuses to be intimidated when asking for all medical and crime reports on his Mom
At the site of Mom’s death – Tang doesn’t find much but takes blood samples from the wide splatter pattern, and then notices footprints and works them back near the Sheriff’s farm. Could the Sheriff be involved?
CLUE: keeps blood samples to test on her own – sends to FBI and ***NEED TO FIND A PLACE in the script to put that the FBI report comes back: TWIST:- “it’s Pig’s blood.”
Tang gets a hang for this as she finds the Mayor was killed in a very different way but suspiciously and calls the FBI to get someone over for these multiple murders – and hopefully, to see she is ready to join.
TWIST: Different FBI Person gets the call and thinks he’s a quack caller.
Tang talks to the Coroner about the Mayor’s death.
TWIST: Coroner freely answers all his questions!
Coroner hands him a bag from storage which has lots of black clothing fibers.
CLUE: – a possible clue which leads to the hoods of the mysterious HOODED GUYS. Coroner says they were found mostly in the Mayor’s hair.
TWIST: Makes Tang think the Mayor could’ve been one of the HOODED BAD GUYS.
Farm owners nervously call it an old urban legend.
TWIST: If it’s old why did he never hear it growing up there as “Tina?”
CLUE: Farmers are nervous while they tell the story, contradict each other and seem to make shit up on the spot. [*** COULD this be a CHARACTER MISDIRECTION as in characters we should believe who are telling lies?]
MIDPOINT: The girl Tang had a crush on – when Tang was female – is infatuated right back and they become a couple. (**Could she be a News reporter OR a Cop to help Tang later??)
The more Tang digs and the Sheriff threatens to put him in jail – 25 years Sheriff – he won’t comment further against the word of a 22 yr old Trans.
***[Places throughout Tang tells Phil about her investigation and he shows Trust and Distrust at different times – such as saying that the Mayor’s death isn’t a murder!]
Tang asks Dad to use Mom’s car and his almost refusal could be a DIALOGUE MISDIRECTION because he is hiding the fact that Mom is still alive.
Tang drives her Mom’s old car and is chased. Both cars get stuck in a sand bar or corn field and they both run and the chase continues on the farm’s 4 wheelers which are dumped in downtown residential blocks of houses and they now chase on foot – through backyards; Tang is grabbed by an owner of one house and held by his collar like a teenager caught stealing something! The person chasing Tang leaves, foiled again.
CLUE: Hooded Person must be local – knows the area and rides 4 wheelers very well.
Unknown person threatens to post photo’s of Tang’s top surgery;
Tang is upset and Phil, Girlfriend and another friend of theirs get Tang to talk about being Trans.
TWIST: Phil makes a joke about it – which hits Tang hard, seemingly very unlike who Phil is.
Tang takes the hurt to psychoanalyze Phil as she explains what she studied in college to be in the FBI to identify criminally minded people.
TWIST: Tang says he has maniacal tendencies and no empathy for the suffering of others – as a joke but Phil gets angry and leaves saying they are no longer friends!
TWIST: Tang didn’t mean for that to happen but later glad when he is found to be the killer.
Tang’s Dad finally gives in and talks about Mom’s mouth getting her into trouble.
TWIST: Tang questions his use of present tense when he talks about Mom but he makes an excuse that he is still grieving and in shock.
ALMOST REVEAL: MOM’S DEATH is a ploy to get Tang home: DAD almost reveals it but Tang misunderstands as him grieving and he lets it go.
Tang finds out: Already sold Tang’s farm but Tang nor Dad knows about it. Tang’s Dad finally admits the Hooded Guys threatened him to sign his land away but he refused – he had no idea that Mom went through with it.
CLUE: Hooded Guys want land – must have a plan on what to do with it – an end game.
CLUE: Then Farms deeds are found to be bought up by shell companies.
Someone says that they saw the Mayor get into an argument with someone in the shadows by the Sheriff’s barn the day before he was found dead. (the Sheriff is the RED HERRING)
The Sheriff says the Mayor wasn’t murdered but the buried condoner’s report is quite different from the official statement.
Tang finds it seems connected to Mom’s death (farm machine?? Components found like black threads?)
Mayor had no enemies except the Sheriff ran against him more than once.
CLUE: Tang finds that Items from the same website which sells HOODS w Vocal Disguisers on them were sent to the Sheriff’s address. He demands that Tang go back to their college town and don’t open this can of worms.
REVEAL that Hooded Guys are local: Tang hears where and when the townsfolk have had encounters with the Hooded Guys and has an answer as to why they must be locals. 1. Had to have keys to the thrasher – had to have a place to torture the Mayor or ? (Maybe Mayor died of a heart attack – which coroner report says – but because he was beaten up on so bad! Perhaps Tang gets photos of his beaten face)
CLUE: Tang and Girlfriend find Hoods with mouth pieces in the Sheriff’s barn.
Tang and Girlfriend abducted with black hoods over their heads;
TURNING POINT 2: Tang girlfriend is killed or almost killed by a bullet meant for him.
REVEAL BUBBA is one of the Hooded Guys: Fits the profile and black threads on his shirt that he wears for days on end.
Tang demands a line-up for ONE WITNESS who one Hooded Guy threatened:
ONE WITNESS identifies BUBBA as the voice who threatened her. Soon after she says that the leader Hooded Guy had a mis-step to him, they can tell because they breed horses and you gotta watch for that or they aren’t worth as much but for studding.” (Phil has no toes on right foot from a farm accident)
TWIST: Phil had been acting like Tangs best friend all this time!
Phil traps Tang in his barn basement; Tang points out the “hitch” in his step – Phil shows her that his toes were cut off by this fucking being a farmer BS!!
CLUE: Person said Hooded Leader had a “hitch” in his step.
CLUE: Phil gets out his Hood with he voice-disguising mouth-ware to show Tang.
CLIMAX: Turns out it has been Tang’s best old friend from growing up who is the killer and he goes after him, they fight, he escapes – only to be chased down by his own father, the Sheriff, and arrested.
Turns out the Sheriff was protecting his son, Phil. And as he looks at his son in cuffs about to cry he sets him free and yells for him to run!!
TWIST: Paternal instincts are too strong after we thought he is doing the right thing.
It is Tang alone who has to chase him down on foot – in the very field where his own Mom was killed and duke it out with Tang the victor.
BUT when it looks like it’s done PERHAPS Phil throws dirt in Tang’s eyes and a THRASHER machine stops Phil from getting away – turns out to be Tang’s Dad, who also saved his Wife’s life (Tang’s Mom) in the opening scene.
Phil confesses: Killed the Mayor in Phil’s Garage cuz he found out our plan to steal the deeds, use out own notary for the documents and connections to sell to the Billionaire but they didn’t kill Tang’s Mom but meant to cuz she snooped around . We knocked her out in the field and someone else drove that thrasher over her!
Phil and the Sheriff are taken in by the Deputy.
RESOLUTION: Tang gets reunited with his Mom!!!
TWIST: She’s been alive all this time!!!
Dad, the Sheriff and the Coroner made up the story that she died because she knew you could find out who the Hooded Guys were and save their farms and that this was the only way you’d ever come back home again.
Tang also gets all the farm folks their deeds back and is shown gratitude by those who hated and were scared that Tang is a Trans Male.
Tang visits his Girlfriend, recovering in the hospital and Perhaps a phone call from the FBI – “when can you start?”
TWIST: He smiles at his Girlfriend which makes us think he may turn down the job offer to stay with her.
Girlfriend demands he go and fulfill his dreams – besides now she has the idea that getting out of town to go to college might be a good thing also.
TWIST: Tang suggests that this farm town ain’t so bad and that they hang out here for the summer and think about all their options.
-
FARM MURDERS:
OPENING:
Woman backing out of Barn at night – shock at discovering something, then heading out quick to the road – soon 3 HOODED GUYS with voice devices on, follow her – she runs, they chase after. When they get too close the Lead Hooded one says to fall back. “Give her a chance.” They wait for her to get to another farm and in the middle of the field they hit her over the head, she lands face down. They rub her face in the farm dirt – then slam her face into it – she is unconscious when a Thrasher approaches – only feet away she awakes to see it upon her and SCREAMS.
TWIST: At the end of the script we see that the Thrasher was to scare the Hooded Guys away and the woman – Tang’s Mom is still alive!!
At College: Tang refuses to tell her college friends of her home life.
TWIST: Friends ask him for his “dead name” at least. He says “That’s why I’m never going back – because “Tina” will always be alive there.”
Reveal Tang is a FBI WANNABE: Tang and friends discuss now weeks away from her double-major that his eyes are set on getting into the FBI.
INCITING INCIDENT: TANG, in last week of College, gets call to come home as the woman who died was her Mom.
Tang goes home to grieve and wants to comfort and get comfort from his dad, grieving hard but stoically.
TWIST: He turns away from his only child.
Reveal TINA: IN THE GYM where a memorial for Mom – cuz she assistant coached the HS sports and it’s the biggest place in the town to have all who loved her.
REVEAL that Tang used to be TINA – the best soccer player she had to place on the men’s team. Behind the Glass is her picture and top scorer in the mid-west.
Tang Has to assert himself to get medical and coroners report. Coroner says nothing suspicious – she’s the only one to work the thrasher on the farm and must of hit something and shot out in front of it and got run over.
TWIST: Farm folk call her TINA and so he uses it to threaten them: “I killed Tina so what do you think I’ll do to you if you don’t give me what I have a legal right to possess?!”
MISDIRECTION: Dialogue: A Young MAN, we’ll known him later as BUBBA, yells out “I killed your Mom so what do you think about that?!” And runs off before he can be recognized..
Finds comfort with Phil and a Girl she had a HS crush on like her as a “Him.”
Tang goes home and his Dad, in a wheelchair, won’t talk to him. Turns his back on his only child.
Prejudices from townsfolk who knew him as female. Specially from an old HS guy BUBBA:
TWIST: They call him TINA a lot and it builds that finally he yells at one of them – “My name is Tang! Tang, got it??” Guy says “Well, that’s the stupidest name ever.” TANG: “Okay, what’s your name?” GUY: “Bubba.” TANG: “Members of the jury, I rest my case.” (Tang recognizes the sound of his voice from outside the coroners office the day before)
TWIST: Another Guy threatens him with a shotgun he grabs from the cab of his beat-up truck. Tang uses his defense training to easily take the weapon from him and shoot out one of his tires. TANG: “That buckshot in your tire just doubled your trucks value. You can thank me later.” He shoots the other bullet into the air and hands back his empty weapon.
Eyes always upon Tang.
TWIST: Only the young teens people accept Tang, their eyes upon their iPhones “He’s Trans? Cool.”
[Covertly – Phil has set the old neighbors and friends against Tang for being Trans Male, all the wild being his truest friend, like they were best friends back in High School.]
3 GUYS dress in HOODS with voice disguise mechanisms to force Farmers, at gunpoint, to sign their farm deed over to them.
The coroner resists giving Tang his report on cause of death. “I mean she wasn’t chopped into one inch cubic bits, correct?”
At Dinner with Dad: Dad says there is no reason for a cause of death. Tang says they have procedures for a death like that.
TWIST: Dad wants to give Tang relief that Mom is alive and fine but can’t.
All Mom’s friends don’t want to tell Tang anything. 1. Trans now. 2. Think a “daughter” should never have left her parents for so long. 3. They are despondent because they think Mom is really dead.
TWIST: The most conservative one now will later become Tangs friend?
The Sheriff acts like he’s hiding something. (Mom was the Sheriff’s HS sweetheart he was supposed to marry once)
TWIST: He is behind the fake death of Mom also and is hiding that!
The Sheriff IS the law but doesn’t act like it; his son, Phil seems to try harder, with Tang, to figure it out.
A Guy Tang’s age mentions the “HOODED GUYS” as a joke but Tang wants to know more.
TWIST: Guy gets nervous, makes an excuse and leaves OR makes a mean-spirited Trans joke out of the blue. (Later turns out to be one of the Hooded Guys- Maybe Bubba again?)
TURNING POINT: TANG finds suspicious cover-ups to her mom’s death, including the death of the Town MAYOR just a month before.
After Mom’s funeral, cremated of course – a car with no plates – almost runs Tang over.
Old school classmates of Tangs stalk him; taunt Tang as a girl;
Reveal that Tang thinks BUBBA maybe a Hooded Guy:
Tang refuses to be intimidated when asking for all medical and crime reports on his Mom
At the site of Mom’s death – Tang doesn’t find much but takes blood samples from the wide splatter pattern, and then notices footprints and works them back near the Sheriff’s farm. Could the Sheriff be involved?
CLUE: keeps blood samples to test on her own – sends to FBI and ***NEED TO FIND A PLACE in the script to put that the FBI report comes back: TWIST:- “it’s Pig’s blood.”
Tang gets a hang for this as she finds the Mayor was killed in a very different way but suspiciously and calls the FBI to get someone over for these multiple murders – and hopefully, to see she is ready to join.
TWIST: Different FBI Person gets the call and thinks he’s a quack caller.
Tang talks to the Coroner about the Mayor’s death.
TWIST: Coroner freely answers all his questions!
Coroner hands him a bag from storage which has lots of black clothing fibers.
CLUE: – a possible clue which leads to the hoods of the mysterious HOODED GUYS. Coroner says they were found mostly in the Mayor’s hair.
TWIST: Makes Tang think the Mayor could’ve been one of the HOODED BAD GUYS.
Farm owners nervously call it an old urban legend.
TWIST: If it’s old why did he never hear it growing up there as “Tina?”
CLUE: Farmers are nervous while they tell the story, contradict each other and seem to make shit up on the spot. [*** COULD this be a CHARACTER MISDIRECTION as in characters we should believe who are telling lies?]
MIDPOINT: The girl Tang had a crush on – when Tang was female – is infatuated right back and they become a couple. (**Could she be a News reporter OR a Cop to help Tang later??)
The more Tang digs and the Sheriff threatens to put him in jail – 25 years Sheriff – he won’t comment further against the word of a 22 yr old Trans.
***[Places throughout Tang tells Phil about her investigation and he shows Trust and Distrust at different times – such as saying that the Mayor’s death isn’t a murder!]
Tang asks Dad to use Mom’s car and his almost refusal could be a DIALOGUE MISDIRECTION because he is hiding the fact that Mom is still alive.
Tang drives her Mom’s old car and is chased. Both cars get stuck in a sand bar or corn field and they both run and the chase continues on the farm’s 4 wheelers which are dumped in downtown residential blocks of houses and they now chase on foot – through backyards; Tang is grabbed by an owner of one house and held by his collar like a teenager caught stealing something! The person chasing Tang leaves, foiled again.
CLUE: Hooded Person must be local – knows the area and rides 4 wheelers very well.
Unknown person threatens to post photo’s of Tang’s top surgery;
Tang is upset and Phil, Girlfriend and another friend of theirs get Tang to talk about being Trans.
TWIST: Phil makes a joke about it – which hits Tang hard, seemingly very unlike who Phil is.
Tang takes the hurt to psychoanalyze Phil as she explains what she studied in college to be in the FBI to identify criminally minded people.
TWIST: Tang says he has maniacal tendencies and no empathy for the suffering of others – as a joke but Phil gets angry and leaves saying they are no longer friends!
TWIST: Tang didn’t mean for that to happen but later glad when he is found to be the killer.
Tang’s Dad finally gives in and talks about Mom’s mouth getting her into trouble.
TWIST: Tang questions his use of present tense when he talks about Mom but he makes an excuse that he is still grieving and in shock.
ALMOST REVEAL: MOM’S DEATH is a ploy to get Tang home: DAD almost reveals it but Tang misunderstands as him grieving and he lets it go.
Tang finds out: Already sold Tang’s farm but Tang nor Dad knows about it. Tang’s Dad finally admits the Hooded Guys threatened him to sign his land away but he refused – he had no idea that Mom went through with it.
CLUE: Hooded Guys want land – must have a plan on what to do with it – an end game.
CLUE: Then Farms deeds are found to be bought up by shell companies.
Someone says that they saw the Mayor get into an argument with someone in the shadows by the Sheriff’s barn the day before he was found dead. (the Sheriff is the RED HERRING)
The Sheriff says the Mayor wasn’t murdered but the buried condoner’s report is quite different from the official statement.
Tang finds it seems connected to Mom’s death (farm machine?? Components found like black threads?)
Mayor had no enemies except the Sheriff ran against him more than once.
CLUE: Tang finds that Items from the same website which sells HOODS w Vocal Disguisers on them were sent to the Sheriff’s address. He demands that Tang go back to their college town and don’t open this can of worms.
REVEAL that Hooded Guys are local: Tang hears where and when the townsfolk have had encounters with the Hooded Guys and has an answer as to why they must be locals. 1. Had to have keys to the thrasher – had to have a place to torture the Mayor or ? (Maybe Mayor died of a heart attack – which coroner report says – but because he was beaten up on so bad! Perhaps Tang gets photos of his beaten face)
CLUE: Tang and Girlfriend find Hoods with mouth pieces in the Sheriff’s barn.
Tang and Girlfriend abducted with black hoods over their heads;
TURNING POINT 2: Tang girlfriend is killed or almost killed by a bullet meant for him.
REVEAL BUBBA is one of the Hooded Guys: Fits the profile and black threads on his shirt that he wears for days on end.
Tang demands a line-up for ONE WITNESS who one Hooded Guy threatened:
ONE WITNESS identifies BUBBA as the voice who threatened her. Soon after she says that the leader Hooded Guy had a mis-step to him, they can tell because they breed horses and you gotta watch for that or they aren’t worth as much but for studding.” (Phil has no toes on right foot from a farm accident)
TWIST: Phil had been acting like Tangs best friend all this time!
Phil traps Tang in his barn basement; Tang points out the “hitch” in his step – Phil shows her that his toes were cut off by this fucking being a farmer BS!!
CLUE: Person said Hooded Leader had a “hitch” in his step.
CLUE: Phil gets out his Hood with he voice-disguising mouth-ware to show Tang.
CLIMAX: Turns out it has been Tang’s best old friend from growing up who is the killer and he goes after him, they fight, he escapes – only to be chased down by his own father, the Sheriff, and arrested.
Turns out the Sheriff was protecting his son, Phil. And as he looks at his son in cuffs about to cry he sets him free and yells for him to run!!
TWIST: Paternal instincts are too strong after we thought he is doing the right thing.
It is Tang alone who has to chase him down on foot – in the very field where his own Mom was killed and duke it out with Tang the victor.
BUT when it looks like it’s done PERHAPS Phil throws dirt in Tang’s eyes and a THRASHER machine stops Phil from getting away – turns out to be Tang’s Dad, who also saved his Wife’s life (Tang’s Mom) in the opening scene.
Phil confesses: Killed the Mayor in Phil’s Garage cuz he found out our plan to steal the deeds, use out own notary for the documents and connections to sell to the Billionaire but they didn’t kill Tang’s Mom but meant to cuz she snooped around . We knocked her out in the field and someone else drove that thrasher over her!
Phil and the Sheriff are taken in by the Deputy.
RESOLUTION: Tang gets reunited with his Mom!!!
TWIST: She’s been alive all this time!!!
Dad, the Sheriff and the Coroner made up the story that she died because she knew you could find out who the Hooded Guys were and save their farms and that this was the only way you’d ever come back home again.
Tang also gets all the farm folks their deeds back and is shown gratitude by those who hated and were scared that Tang is a Trans Male.
Tang visits his Girlfriend, recovering in the hospital and Perhaps a phone call from the FBI – “when can you start?”
TWIST: He smiles at his Girlfriend which makes us think he may turn down the job offer to stay with her.
Girlfriend demands he go and fulfill his dreams – besides now she has the idea that getting out of town to go to college might be a good thing also.
TWIST: Tang suggests that this farm town ain’t so bad and that they hang out here for the summer and think about all their options.
-
James Dramatic Reveals.
I learned that this is becoming the details of what we have made theoretical until now – sorta. Also I am not so sure how to really pay off or se-up a REVEAL but as I work on the map I’m sure I will get better at it.
FARM MURDERS:
OPENING:
Woman backing out of Barn at night – shock at discovering something, then heading out quick to the road – soon 3 HOODED GUYS with voice devices on, follow her – she runs, they chase after. When they get too close the Lead Hooded one says to fall back. “Give her a chance.” They wait for her to get to another farm and in the middle of the field they hit her over the head, she lands face down. They rub her face in the farm dirt – then slam her face into it – she is unconscious when a Thrasher approaches – only feet away she awakes to see it upon her and SCREAMS.
TWIST: At the end we see that the Thrasher was to scare the Hooded Guys away and the woman – Tang’s Mom is still alive!!
At College: Tang refuses to tell her college friends of her home life.
TWIST: Friends ask him for his “dead name” at least. He says “That’s why I’m never going back – because “Tina” will always be alive there.”
Reveal Tang is a FBI WANNABE: Tang and friends discuss now weeks away from her double-major that his eyes are set on getting into the FBI.
INCITING INCIDENT: TANG, in last week of College, gets call to come home as the woman who died was her Mom.
Tang goes home to grieve and wants to comfort and get comfort from his dad, grieving hard but stoically.
TWIST: He turns away from his only child.
Reveal TINA: IN THE GYM where a memorial for Mom – cuz she assistant coached the HS sports and it’s the biggest place in the town to have all who loved her.
REVEAL that Tang used to be TINA – the best soccer player she had to place on the men’s team. Behind the Glass is her picture and top scorer in the mid-west.
Tang Has to assert himself to get medical and coroners report.
TWIST: Farm folk call her TINA and so he uses it to threaten them: “I killed Tina so what do you think I’ll do to you if you don’t give me what I have a legal right to possess?!”
Finds comfort with Phil and a Girl she had a HS crush on like her as a “Him.”
Prejudices from townsfolk who knew him as female. Specially from an old HS guy BUBBA:
TWIST: They call him TINA a lot and it builds that finally he yells at one of them – “My name is Tang! Tang, got it??” Guy says “Well, that’s the stupidest name ever.” TANG: “Okay, what’s your name?” GUY: “Bubba.” TANG: “Members of the jury, I rest my case.”
TWIST: Another Guy threatens him with a shotgun he grabs from the cab of his beat-up truck. Tang uses his defense training to easily take the weapon from him and shoot out one of his tires. TANG: “That buckshot in your tire just doubled your trucks value. You can thank me later.” He shoots the other bullet into the air and hands back his empty weapon.
Eyes always upon Tang.
TWIST: Only the young teens people accept Tang, their eyes upon their iPhones “He’s Trans? Cool.”
Covertly – Phil has set the old neighbors and friends against Tang for being Trans Male, all the wild being his truest friend, like they were best friends back in High School.
3 GUYS dress in HOODS with voice disguise mechanisms to force Farmers, at gunpoint, to sign their farm deed over to them.
The coroner resists giving Tang his report on cause of death. “I mean she wasn’t chopped into one inch cubic bits, correct?”
At Dinner with Dad: Dad says there is no reason for a cause of death. Tang says they have procedures for a death like that.
TWIST: Dad wants to give Tang relief that Mom is alive and fine but can’t.
All Mom’s friends don’t want to tell Tang anything. 1. Trans now. 2. Think a “daughter” should never have left her parents for so long. 3. They are despondent because they think Mom is really dead.
TWIST: The most conservative one now will later become Tangs friend?
The Sheriff acts like he’s hiding something. (Mom was the Sheriff’s HS sweetheart he was supposed to marry once)
TWIST: He is behind the fake death of Mom also and is hiding that!
The Sheriff IS the law but doesn’t act like it; his son, Phil seems to try harder to figure it out.
A Guy Tang’s age mentions the “HOODED GUYS” as a joke but Tang wants to know more.
TWIST: Guy gets nervous, makes an excuse and leaves OR makes a mean-spirited Trans joke out of the blue. (Later turns out to be one of the Hooded Guys)
TURNING POINT: TANG finds suspicious cover-ups to her mom’s death, including the death of the Town MAYOR just a month before.
After Mom’s funeral, cremated of course – a car with no plates – almost runs Tang over.
Old school classmates of Tangs stalk him; taunt Tang as a girl;
Reveal that Tang thinks BUBBA maybe a Hooded Guy:
Tang refuses to be intimidated when asking for all medical and crime reports on his Mom
At the site of Mom’s death – Tang doesn’t find much but takes soil samples and then notices footprints and works them back near the Sheriff’s farm. Could the Sheriff be involved?
Tang gets a hang for this as she finds the Mayor was killed in a very different way but suspiciously and calls the FBI to get someone over for these multiple murders – and hopefully, to see she is ready to join.
TWIST: FBI thinks he’s a quack caller.
She talks to the Coroner about the Mayor’s death.
TWIST: Coroner freely answers all his questions!
Coroner hands her a bag from storage which has lots of black clothing fibers – a possible clue which leads to the hoods of the mysterious HOODED GUYS. Coroner says they were found mostly in the Mayor’s hair.
TWIST: Makes Tang think he could’ve been one of the HOODED BAD GUYS.
Farm owners nervously call it an old urban legend.
TWIST: If it’s old why did he never hear it growing up there as “Tina?”
MIDPOINT: The girl Tang had a crush on – when Tang was female – is infatuated right back and they become a couple.
The more Tang digs and the Sheriff threatens to put him in jail – 25 years Sheriff – he won’t comment further against the word of a 22 yr old Trans.
***[Places throughout Tang tells Phil about her investigation and he shows Trust and Distrust at different times – such as saying that the Mayor’s death isn’t a murder!]
Tang drives her Mom’s old car and is chased. Both cars get stuck in a sand bar or corn field and they both run and the chase continues on the farm’s 4 wheelers which are dumped in downtown residential blocks of houses and they now chase on foot – through backyards; Tang is grabbed by an owner of one house and held by his collar like a teenager caught stealing something! The person chasing Tang leaves, foiled again.
Unknown person threatens to post photo’s of Tang’s top surgery;
Tang is upset and Phil, Girlfriend and another friend of theirs get Tang to talk about being Trans.
TWIST: Phil makes a joke about it – which hits Tang hard, seemingly very unlike who Phil is.
Tang takes the hurt to psychoanalyze Phil as she explains what she studied in college to be in the FBI to identify criminally minded people.
TWIST: Tang says he has maniacal tendencies and no empathy for the suffering of others – as a joke but Phil gets angry and leaves saying they are no longer friends!
TWIST: Tang didn’t mean for that to happen but later glad when he is found to be the killer.
Tang’s Dad finally gives in and talks about Mom’s mouth getting her into trouble.
TWIST: Tang questions his use of present tense when he talks about Mom but he makes an excuse that he is still grieving and in shock.
ALMOST REVEAL: MOM’S DEATH is a ploy to get Tang home: DAD almost reveals it but Tang misunderstands as him grieving and he lets it go.
Tang finds out: Already sold Tang’s farm but Tang nor Dad knows about it. Tang’s Dad finally admits the Hooded Guys threatened him to sign his land away but he refused – he had no idea that Mom went through with it.
Then Farms deeds are found to be bought up by shell companies.
Someone says that they saw the Mayor get into an argument with someone in the shadows by the Sheriff’s barn the day before he was found dead. (the Sheriff is the RED HERRING)
The Sheriff says the Mayor wasn’t murdered but the buried condoner’s report is quite different from the official statement.
Tang finds it seems connected to Mom’s death (farm machine?? Components found like black threads?)
Mayor had no enemies except the Sheriff ran against him more than once.
Tang finds that Items from the same website which sells HOODS w Vocal Disguisers on them were sent to the Sheriff’s address. He demands that Tang go back to their college town and don’t open this can of worms.
REVEAL that Hooded Guys are local: Tang hears where and when the townsfolk have had encounters with the Hooded Guys and has an answer as to why they must be locals. 1. Had to have keys to the thrasher – had to have a place to torture the Mayor or ? (Maybe Mayor died of a heart attack – which coroner report says – but because he was beaten up on so bad! Perhaps Tang gets photos of his beaten face)
Is Hoods with mouth pieces are found in the Sheriff’s barn by Achilles (and Girlfriend)?
Tang and Girlfriend abducted with black hoods over their heads;
TURNING POINT 2: Tang girlfriend is killed or almost killed by a bullet meant for him.
REVEAL BUBBA is one of the Hooded Guys: Fits the profile and black threads on his shirt that he wears for days on end.
Tang demands a line-up for ONE WITNESS who one Hooded Guy threatened:
ONE WITNESS identifies BUBBA as the voice who threatened her. Soon after she says that the leader Hooded Guy had a mis-step to him, they can tell because they breed horses and you gotta watch for that or they aren’t worth as much but for studding.” (Phil has no toes on right foot from a farm accident)
TWIST: Phil had been acting like Tangs best friend all this time!
Phil traps Tang in his barn basement;
CLIMAX: Turns out it has been Tang’s best old friend from growing up who is the killer and he goes after him, they fight, he escapes – only to be chased down by his own father, the Sheriff, and arrested.
Turns out the Sheriff was protecting his son, Phil. And as he looks at his son in cuffs about to cry he sets him free and yells for him to run!!
TWIST: Paternal instincts are too strong after we thought he is doing the right thing.
It is Tang alone who has to chase him down on foot – in the very field where his own Mom was killed and duke it out with Tang the victor.
Phil confesses: Killed the Mayor in Phil’s Garage cuz he found out our plan to steal the deeds, use out own notary for the documents and connections to sell to the Billionaire but they didn’t kill Tang’s Mom but meant to cuz she snooped around and found our HOODS . We knocked her out in the field and someone else drove that thrasher over her!
Phil and the Sheriff are taken in by the Deputy.
RESOLUTION: Tang gets reunited with his Mom!!!
TWIST: She’s been alive all this time!!!
Dad, the Sheriff and the Coroner made up the story that she died because she knew you could find out who the Hooded Guys were and save their farms and that this was the only way you’d ever come back home again.
Tang also gets all the farm folks their deeds back and is shown gratitude by those who hated and were scared that Tang is a Trans Male.
Tang visits his Girlfriend, recovering in the hospital and Perhaps a phone call from the FBI – “when can you start?”
TWIST: He smiles at his Girlfriend which makes us think he may turn down the job offer to stay with her.
Girlfriend demands he go and fulfill his dreams – besides now she has the idea that getting out of town to go to college might be a good thing also.
TWIST: Tang suggests that this farm town ain’t so bad and that they hang out here for the summer and think about all their options.
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Trust Relationships:
Hero / Villain: Tang – Phil
TRUST: Tang trust Phil as they were best friends growing up and now have that same connection or so Tang thinks. Phil plays it cool with Tang – over looks him being a Trans Male so they can remain tight – keep your friend close and your enemies closer! He can throw Tang off the scent and protect himself until it’s too late and he leaves for NYC.
DISTRUST: He says there’s nothing he is gonna learn about the death of the Mayor.
TRUST: Phil is interested in everything Tang has to say about the discovery of the black threads at the Mayor’s and mom’s murder.
DISTRUST: Phil declares that they haven’t said that the Mayor was murdered, and wants to know who actually did kill his Mom. (He wanted to but was scared away before he – and his 2 Hooded Buddies – could)
TRUST: Phil says he found out some info about his Mom’s death and meet him somewhere.
DISTRUST: Tang thinks it’s an odd place to meet and why demand the Girlfriend has to be there but no one else.
TRUST: Sees that Phil is alone and it seems that he has something to say.
DISTRUST: Oops, Phil is not alone and Tang and Girlfriend are bagged.
Hero / Red Herring Character: Tang – Sheriff
TRUST: When Tang first meets up with Sheriff it seems he is genuienally empathetic.
DISTRUST: When asked for info about the deaths and he doesn’t give it.
TRUST: He listens to Tang’s concerns about the evidence.
DISTRUST: When Tang finds hoods were delivered to his address and he knows nothing about it – is that true or not?
TRUST: Tang trusts him when he agrees that his son, Phil, must be stopped and arrested.
DISTRUST: Soon enough the Sheriff can’t be trusted as he last second gives Phil a chance to escape.
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James’ TWISTS and TURNS
I learned that this isa building block which I have the feeling will change more of my story as we continue with this map. I feel some of my Twists are not very strong and maybe not really called Twists but as time goes on I will rewrite this stuff as I go.
FARM MURDERS:
OPENING:
Woman backing out of Barn at night – shock at discovering something, then heading out quick to the road – soon 3 HOODED GUYS with voice devices on, follow her – she runs, they chase after. When they get too close the Lead Hooded one says to fall back. “Give her a chance.” They wait for her to get to another farm and in the middle of the field they hit her over the head, she lands face down. They rub her face in the farm dirt – then slam her face into it – she is unconscious when a Thrasher approaches – only feet away she awakes to see it upon her and SCREAMS.
TWIST: At the end we see that the Thrasher was to scare the Hooded Guys away and the woman – Tang’s Mom is still alive!!
At College: Tang refuses to tell her college friends of her home life.
TWIST: Friends ask him for his “dead name” at least. He says “That’s why I’m never going back – because “Tina” will always be alive there.”
INCITING INCIDENT: TANG, in last week of College, gets call to come home as the woman who died was her Mom.
Tang goes home to grieve and wants to comfort and get comfort from his dad, grieving hard but stoically.
TWIST: He turns away from his Trans Son.
Tang Has to assert himself to get medical and coroners report.
TWIST: Farm folk call her TINA and so he uses it to threaten them: “I killed Tina so what do you think I’ll do to you if you don’t give me what I have a legal right to possess?!”
Finds comfort with Phil and a Girl she had a HS crush on like her as a “Him.”
Prejudices from townsfolk who knew him as female.
TWIST: They call him TINA a lot and it builds that finally he yells at one of them – “My name is Tang! Tang, got it??” Guy says “Well, that’s the stupidest name ever.” TANG: “Okay, what’s your name?” GUY: “Bubba.” TANG: “Members of the jury, I rest my case.”
TWIST: Another Guy threatens him with a shotgun he grabs from the cab of his beat-up truck. Tang uses his defense training to easily take the weapon from him and shoot out one of his tires. TANG: “That buckshot in your tire just doubled your trucks value. You can thank me later.” He shoots the other bullet into the air and hands back his empty weapon.
Eyes always upon Tang.
TWIST: Only the young people accept Tang, their eyes upon their iPhones “He’s Trans? Cool.”
Covertly – Phil has set the old neighbors and friends against Tang for being Trans Male, all the wild being his truest friend, like they were best friends back in High School.
3 GUYS dress in HOODS with voice disguise mechanisms to force Farmers, at gunpoint, to sign their farm deed over to them.
The coroner resists giving Tang his report on cause of death. “I mean she wasn’t chopped into one inch cubic bits, correct?”
At Dinner with Dad: Dad says there is no reason for a cause of death. Tang says they have procedures for a death like that.
TWIST: Dad wants to give Tang relief that Mom is alive and fine but can’t.
All Mom’s friends don’t want to tell Tang anything. 1. Trans now. 2. Think a “daughter” should never have left her parents for so long. 3. They are despondent because they think Mom is really dead.
TWIST: The most conservative one now will later become Tangs friend?
The Sheriff acts like he’s hiding something. (Mom was the Sheriff’s HS sweetheart he was supposed to marry once)
TWIST: He is behind the fake death of Mom also and is hiding that!
The Sheriff IS the law but doesn’t act like it; his son, Phil seems to try harder to figure it out.
A Guy Tang’s age mentions the “HOODED GUYS” as a joke but Tang wants to know more.
TWIST: Guy gets nervous, makes an excuse and leaves OR makes a mean-spirited Trans joke out of the blue. (Later turns out to be one of the Hooded Guys)
TURNING POINT: TANG finds suspicious cover-ups to her mom’s death, including the death of the Town MAYOR just a month before.
After Mom’s funeral, cremated of course – a car with no plates – almost runs Tang over.
Old school classmates of Tangs stalk him; taunt Tang as a girl;
Tang refuses to be intimidated when asking for all medical and crime reports on his Mom
At the site of Mom’s death – Tang doesn’t find much but takes soil samples and then notices footprints and works them back near the Sheriff’s farm. Could the Sheriff be involved?
Tang gets a hang for this as she finds the Mayor was killed in a very different way but suspiciously and calls the FBI to get someone over for these multiple murders – and hopefully, to see she is ready to join.
TWIST: FBI thinks he’s a quack caller.
She talks to the Coroner about the Mayor’s death.
TWIST: Coroner freely answers all his questions!
Coroner hands her a bag from storage which has lots of black clothing fibers – a possible clue which leads to the hoods of the mysterious HOODED GUYS. Coroner says they were found mostly in the Mayor’s hair.
TWIST: Makes Tang think he could’ve been one of the HOODED BAD GUYS.
Farm owners nervously call it an old urban legend.
TWIST: If it’s old why did he never hear it growing up there as “Tina?”
MIDPOINT: The girl Tang had a crush on – when Tang was female – is infatuated right back and they become a couple.
The more Tang digs and the Sheriff threatens to put him in jail – 25 years Sheriff – he won’t comment further against the word of a 22 yr old Trans.
Tang drives her Mom’s old car and is chased. Both cars get stuck in a sand bar or corn field and they both run and the chase continues on the farm’s 4 wheelers which are dumped in downtown residential blocks of houses and they now chase on foot – through backyards; Tang is grabbed by an owner of one house and held by his collar like a teenager caught stealing something! The person chasing Tang leaves, foiled again.
Unknown person threatens to post photo’s of Tang’s top surgery;
Tang is upset and Phil, Girlfriend and another friend of theirs get Tang to talk about being Trans.
TWIST: Phil makes a joke about it – which hits Tang hard, seemingly very unlike who Phil is.
Tang takes the hurt to psychoanalyze Phil as she explains what she studied in college to be in the FBI to identify criminally minded people.
TWIST: Tang says he has maniacal tendencies and no empathy for the suffering of others – as a joke but Phil gets angry and leaves saying they are no longer friends!
TWIST: Tang didn’t mean for that to happen but later glad when he is found to be the killer.
Tang’s Dad finally gives in and talks about Mom’s mouth getting her into trouble.
TWIST: Tang questions his use of present tense when he talks about Mom but he makes an excuse that he is still grieving and in shock.
Tang finds out: Already sold Tang’s farm but Tang nor Dad knows about it. Tang’s Dad finally admits the Hooded Guys threatened him to sign his land away but he refused – he had no idea that Mom went through with it.
Then Farms deeds are found to be bought up by shell companies.
Someone says that they saw the Mayor get into an argument with someone in the shadows by the Sheriff’s barn the day before he was found dead. (the Sheriff is the RED HERRING)
The Sheriff says the Mayor wasn’t murdered but the buried condoner’s report is quite different from the official statement.
Tang finds it seems connected to Mom’s death (farm machine?? Components found like black threads?)
Mayor had no enemies except the Sheriff ran against him more than once.
Tang finds that Items from the same website which sells HOODS w Vocal Disguisers on them were sent to the Sheriff’s address. He demands that Tang go back to their college town and don’t open this can of worms.
Is Hoods with mouth pieces are found in the Sheriff’s barn by Achilles (and Girlfriend)?
Tang and Girlfriend abducted with black hoods over their heads;
TURNING POINT 2: Tang girlfriend is killed or almost killed by a bullet meant for him.
ONE WITNESS says that the leader Hooded Guy had a mis-step to him, they can tell because they breed horses and you gotta watch for that or they aren’t worth as much but for studding.” (Phil has no toes on right foot from a farm accident)
TWIST: Phil had been acting like Tangs best friend all this time!
Phil traps Tang in his barn basement;
CLIMAX: Turns out it has been Tang’s best old friend from growing up who is the killer and he goes after him, they fight, he escapes – only to be chased down by his own father, the Sheriff, and arrested.
Turns out the Sheriff was protecting his son, Phil. And as he looks at his son in cuffs about to cry he sets him free and yells for him to run!!
TWIST: Paternal instincts are too strong after we thought he is doing the right thing.
It is Tang alone who has to chase him down on foot – in the very field where his own Mom was killed and duke it out with Tang the victor.
Phil confesses: Killed the Mayor in Phil’s Garage cuz he found out our plan to steal the deeds, use out own notary for the documents and connections to sell to the Billionaire but they didn’t kill Tang’s Mom but meant to cuz she snooped around and found our HOODS . We knocked her out in the field and someone else drove that thrasher over her!
Phil and the Sheriff are taken in by the Deputy.
RESOLUTION: Tang gets reunited with his Mom!!!
TWIST: She’s been alive all this time!!!
Dad, the Sheriff and the Coroner made up the story that she died because she knew you could find out who the Hooded Guys were and save their farms and that this was the only way you’d ever come back home again.
Tang also gets all the farm folks their deeds back and is shown gratitude by those who hated and were scared that Tang is a Trans Male.
Tang visits his Girlfriend, recovering in the hospital and Perhaps a phone call from the FBI – “when can you start?”
TWIST: He smiles at his Girlfriend which makes us think he may turn down the job offer to stay with her.
Girlfriend demands he go and fulfill his dreams – besides now she has the idea that getting out of town to go to college might be a good thing also.
TWIST: Tang suggests that this farm town ain’t so bad and that they hang out here for the summer and think about all their options.
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James’ THRILLER PLOT
I learned why the Villain’s plan is so important and how the Life Threatening sequence fills out the basic plot. Exciting to see the plot form so easily. (Yet I know many details need to go in and become further developed – I am not a simpleton! lol)
OPENING: A WOMAN dies – either on a farm field, or in a barn and then moved to a farm field.
At College: Tang refuses to tell her college friends of her home life.
INCITING INCIDENT: TANG, in last week of College, gets call to come home as the woman who died was her Mom.
Tang Has to assert himself to get medical and coroners report. Finds comfort with Phil and a Girl she had a HS crush on like her as a “Him.”
Prejudices from townsfolk who knew him as female.
Eyes always upon Tang.
Covertly – Phil has set the old neighbors and friends against Tang for being Trans Male, all the wild being his truest friend, like they were best friends back in High School.
3 GUYS dress in HOODS with voice disguise mechanisms to force Farmers, at gunpoint, to sign their farm deed over to them.
The coroner resists giving Tang his report on cause of death.
All Mom’s friends don’t want to tell Tang anything.
The Sheriff acts like he’s hiding something. (Mom was the Sheriff’s HS sweetheart he was supposed to marry once)
The Sheriff IS the law but doesn’t act like it; his son, Phil seems to try harder to figure it out.
Someone mentions the “HOODED GUYS” as a joke but Tang wants to know more.
TURNING POINT: TANG finds suspicious cover-ups to her mom’s death, including the death of the Town MAYOR just a month before.
After funeral a car almost runs Tang over.
Old school classmates of Tangs stalk him; taunt Tang as a girl;
Tang refuses to be intimidated when asking for all medical and crime reports on his Mom
Also chemicals and samples on the body and in the lungs suggest Mom killed somewhere else.
Tang gets a hang for this as she finds the Mayor was killed suspiciously and calls the FBI to get someone over – and see she is ready to join.
Clues lead to the mysterious HOODED GUYS.
Farm owners nervously call it an old urban legend.
MIDPOINT: The girl Tang had a crush on – when Tang was female – is infatuated right back and they become a couple.
The more he digs and the Sheriff threatens to put him in jail – 25 years Sheriff – he won’t comment further against the word of a 22 yr old Trans.
Car chase to – chase on 4 wheelers which are dumped in downtown residential blocks of houses and they now chase on foot – through backyards;
Unknown person threatens to post photo’s of Tang’s top surgery;
Tang’s Dad finally gives in and talks about Mom’s mouth getting her into trouble;
Tang finds out: Already sold Tang’s farm but Tang nor Dad knows about it. Tang’s Dad finally admits the Hooded Guys threatened him to sign his land away but he refused – he had no idea that Mom went through with it.
Then Farms deeds bought up by shell companies.
Chemicals or something connects to Phil’s barn and implicates Phil’s dad – the Sheriff – (he is the RED HERRING)
The Sheriff says the Mayor wasn’t murdered but the buried condoner’s report is quite different from the official statement.
Tang finds it seems connected to Mom’s death (farm machine?? Components found)
Mayor had no enemies except the Sheriff ran against him more than once.
Tang finds that Items from the same website which sells HOODS w Vocal Disguisers on them were sent to the Sheriff’s address. He demands that Tang go back to their college town and don’t open this can of worms.
Is Hoods with mouth pieces are found in the Sheriff’s barn by Achilles (and Girlfriend)?
Tang and Girlfriend abducted with black hoods over their heads;
TURNING POINT 2: Tang girlfriend is killed or almost killed by a bullet meant for him.
ONE WITNESS says that the leader Hooded Guy had a mis-step to him, they can tell because they breed horses and you gotta watch for that or they aren’t worth much but for studding.” (Phil has no toes on right foot from a farm accident)
Phil traps Tang in his barn basement;
CLIMAX: Turns out it has been Tang’s best old friend from growing up who is the killer and he goes after him, they fight, he escapes – only to be chased down by his own father, the Sheriff, and arrested.
Turns out the Sheriff was protecting his son, Phil.
Phil confesses: Kill Tang’s Mother in Phil’s Garage cuz she snoops and finds HOODS . (Try to blame it on SOMETHING!)
RESOLUTION: Tang gets all the farm folks their deeds back and is shown gratitude by those who hated and were scared that Tang is a Trans Male. Perhaps a phone call from the FBI – “when can you start?”
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This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by James Ridgley.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by
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James’ Life Threatening Sequence
I learned that this is the meat of the Thrills in Thriller. Seems everything has to hang on this exercise.
A Woman is killed
Tang refuses to tell her college friends of her home life
Tang gets new of his Mom’s death, return home
Prejudices from townsfolk who knew him as female
Eyes always upon Tang
After funeral a car almost runs Tang over
Old school classmates of Tangs stalk him; taunt Tang as a girl;
Tang refuses to be intimidated when asking for all medical and crime reports on his Mom
Camera’s hidden in Tang’s house which an unknown person is watching
The more he digs and the Sheriff threatens to put him in jail
Car chase to – chase on 4 wheelers which are dumped in downtown residential blocks of houses and they now chase on foot – through backyards;
Farmers talk about the Hooded Guys; Farmer’s group against the Billionaire; against the Hooded Guys
Unknown person threatens to post photo’s of Tang’s top surgery;
Tang’s Dad finally gives in and talks about Mom’s mouth getting her into trouble;
Tang and Girlfriend abducted with black hoods over their heads;
Phil traps Tang in his barn basement;
Girlfriend taken or shot or killed somehow
Farmer’s group against the Billionaire; against the Hooded Guys;
Tang escapes the basement and tracts Phil down to fight hand-to-hand
Phil escapes and it’s his father – The Sheriff – who chases him down in the patrol car, with Tang, who explains it all, and the Sheriff arrests him.
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James’ Mystery Sequence
I am learning that brainstorming these pieces of the puzzle, and working from the end result helps put it together as if by magic sometimes. Logical and “organic” pieces seem to come together and yet – in the back of my mind – I think it is one step of many many more refinements to come up with the great stuff. No worries – it’s the process.
VILLIAN’S GOAL:
PHIL (Tang’s best friend when they were young and played sports together, Tang being a “tomboy.”): His Plan is to sell his Parents farm, and other farms, to the Billionaire to make a shit ton of money and leave this farm town life forever! Goal: to live the rest of his days in NYC!
INTRIGUE:
Phil and 2 others, dress in HOODS with voice disguise mechanisms to force Farmers, at gunpoint, to sign their farm deed over to them.
They kill the Mayor is a terrible way to warn others not to mess with the HOODED ONES.
Find out who killed Tang’s Mother – as he didn’t do it. (I want to reveal at the end that various old-timer townsfolk faked her death together as the only way to get Tang to come home, and with her college degrees – to solve the problems they are having. Unless it is too complex to write)
Get a few more deeds to make it (Iowa farmland is $5,000 an acre: A 1,000 acre farm = $5M)
ONE WITNESS says that the leader Hooded Guy had a mis-step to him, they can tell because they breed horses and you gotta watch for that or they aren’t worth much but for studding.” (Phil has no toes on right foot from a farm accident)
Try to kill Tang and his Love Interest.
Blackmail the Sheriff into submission.
Pushing to sign the deal now – all cash.
Already sold Tang’s farm but Tang nor Dad knows about it.
COVERS SECRETS:
Needs to keep the Townsfolk in the dark about all this. And keep them quiet.
Kill Tang’s Mother in Phil’s Garage cuz she snoops and finds HOODS. (Try to blame it on SOMETHING!)
Try to “help” Tang find the Hooded Villains even though he is their leader.
Set the old neighbors and friends against Tang for being Trans Male, all the wild being his truest friend, like they were best friends back in High School.
Killing any one who finds out – but disguising the death as some other cause.
Keep Tang distracted and confused during his investigation.
SEQUENCE IT: to make it as intriguing as possible.
Tang’s Mom’s death brings Tang home.
Finds prejudice, being Trans Male, and scorn from the people she grew up with Except for a few of his direct classmates from before, he has to overcome it to solve the mystery.
Has to assert himself to get medical and coroners report. Finds comfort with Phil and a Girl she had a HS crush on like her as a “Him.”
Clues lead to the mysterious HOODED GUYS.
Then Farms deeds bought up by shell companies.
Also chemicals and samples on the body and in the lungs suggest Mom killed somewhere else.
Tang gets a hang for this as she finds the Mayor was killed suspiciously and calls the FBI to get someone over – and see she is ready to join.
Chemicals or something connects to Phil’s barn and implicates Phil’s dad – the Sheriff – (he is the RED HERRING)
Tang gets together with the Unrequited love from HS but they are later attacked and she is killed.
Tang puts it together that it could be Phil but needs to get evidence – How?
Set up a sting with her Dad to sign off another farm in his family and unmask the Hooded Guys!
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James’ Villain has a great plan!
I got very confused as to what exactly counts as Intrigue and what is the Covered Secrets. My original thoughts were more MIS again. Revised and we’ll see how it pans out. When I look at the list for CHINATOWN – things like cutting the nose of the Hero – at this stage in creating our stories it’s terribly hard to know what details will be in my script to point out like that. I will say this is exciting stuff to work out. It’s a fresh approach to developing a story I have never done before. Makes my head swim in a good way.
VILLIAN’S GOAL:
PHIL (Tang’s best friend when they were young and played sport together): His Plan is to sell his Parents farm, and other farms, to the Billionaire to make a shit ton of money and leave this farm town life forever! Goal: to live the rest of his days in NYC!
INTRIGUE:
Phil and 2 others, dress in HOODS with voice disguise mechanisms to force Farmers, at gunpoint, to sign their farm deed over to them.
They kill the Mayor is a terrible way to warn others not to mess with the hooded ONES.
Find out who killed Tang’s Mother – as he didn’t do it. (I want to reveal at the end that various old-timer townsfolk faked her death together as the only way to get Tang to come home, and with her college degrees – to solve the problems they are having. Unless it is too complex to write)
Get a few more deeds to make it (Iowa farmland is $5,000 an acre: A 1,000 acre farm = $5M)
ONE WITNESS says that the leader Hooded Guy had a mis-step to him, they can tell because they breed horses and you gotta watch for that or they aren’t worth much but for studding.” (Phil has no toes on right foot from a farm accident)
Try to kill Tang and his Love Interest.
Blackmail the Sheriff into submission.
Pushing to sign the deal now – all cash.
Already sold Tang’s farm but Tang nor Dad knows about it.
COVERS SECRETS:
Needs to keep the Townsfolk in the dark about all this. And keep them quiet.
Try to “help” Tang find the Hooded Villains even though he is their leader.
Set the old neighbors and friends against Tang for being Trans Male.
Killing any one who finds out – but disguising the death as some other cause.
Keep Tang distracted and confused during his investigation.
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Anyone here want to discuss these lessons over the phone? Could be fun!!
Text first (I’m in Los Angeles and don’t text before 10 am PST)
818 523-6586
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This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by James Ridgley.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by
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James Ridgley’s SOTL Stacking Suspense – Assignment # 2
Detailed of things I learned:
If you write logically and organically from clue to secret covered to reveal to suspicious character or event to new clue YOU WILL BE FINE – LOL!
BE: Concise, clear and to the point (twists and turns and reveals are great also) such that each scene seems like the bear minimum to use the MIS elements and lead on to the next exciting piece of the story or cover-up.
The villain’s plan is the gasoline which revs the story motor.
The Character’s response, drive, agency and aim to overcome gives the emotional drive to success for our Hero. (Or go over the deep end into tragedy, depending)
Seems Mystery leads to Intrigue which leads to suspence in the action playing out — or does it?
I think a story can lean on Mystery less in every scene (if the Mysteries are big enough and well done enough) but the intrigue and Suspense really are the driving force to keep us on the edge of our seats.
Not all deaths in a crime or spy thriller have to do exactly with the Hero or Killer or the taunt story exactly. (Like in Basic Instinct when Roxy dies from a car crash – I’m sure Beth didn’t plan that AND perhaps in Silence of the Lambs – the tourist din’t have to die for Lector to get new clothes at the end. In fact Miggs death – which was fantastic on so many levels, Lector’s ability to do that just talking and also doing it for Clarice – is also an example for me that a death can happen that is outside the typical “hunt for a killer who kills and stop him before the body count gets too high.”)
Vulnerability somewhere in the story seems like a good idea.
I’ve also noticed how different TV Crime procedurals are compared to films. TV tends to get all into the latest technological way to find a criminal or killer, lots of technical invention and for the 2 features we have analyzed the MIS allows for the characters flaws and wounds to track and bring an emotional core to the story. It seems the MIS in these situations and with these characters can bring an emotional element which heightens the MIS greatly.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by James Ridgley.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by
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What I learned is that each scene can and should be packed with M.I.S. — this formula makes for a taunt script to begin with as – for right now – we are asked to think in terms of character interactions based on these MIS elements. It is powerful to see that each scene seems to add new information which is layered to make a powerful punch to keep us on the edge of out seats.
More than any other genre (perhaps) scenes need to be started at the latest point needed and end as soon as it can. Each scene needs to be to the point and move the story viscerally forward. Also would be to genre advantage to end scenes on reversals, cliffhangers, reveals, high emotion – when and where possible.
It does help that Nick has his flaw – addictive personality and multiple wounds: Killing tourists and his wife’s suicide — This is where we also must look to captivate an audience – Bourne has his flashes of a torchered past (wound) and his flaw might be that he has to know everything – maybe not a flaw. The Jodie Foster character in silence of the lambs has multiple wounds also: her father’s suicide and her haunting childhood event of trying to save a lamb from slaughter.
I have learned also that the planning of the clues and where they lead is a big part of hanging the MIS onto as well. It seems we need to have a map or graph of clues to be exposed and where, when and who will expose them or figure them out and who will act on them and in what way. Crime thrillers operate quite this way as it’s convention and yet it makes me think that other sub-genres of thriller do not and a new set of what to brainstorm and set up might be different.
I found it interesting that as I watched the scene and then referred to the MAP I found that the MYSTERY section seems to jump ahead or at least to the end of what we get from the scene and then going down to read the Intrigue and Suspense my mind jumped back to the beginning or middle of the scenes – just an odd observation which I don’t know what it quite means if anything at all. And yet does it mean that Mystery usually includes more than one scene whereas Intrigue and Suspense can be seen easier (and therefore written easier) when we look at it for just what each scene should bring out?
I think the Mystery elements are generally inclusive of many events and scenes which eventually pay off in that this is the active thing we, the audience, is trying to solve before the movie solves it for us. While the Intrigue and Suspense can be related to many more “smaller” things – events – minor and major; characters minor and major; props – weapons – noticeable character behavior (hope I am making sense to someone out there) Suspense in a car chase for example is there until we know the out come and then it is gone, whereas the Mystery of it being Roxy and not Catherine trying to kill him continues on into the rest of the story.
I noticed with this film that dialogue pinpointed many things dealing with the MIS – does that mean when we get to writing our scripts we should look to how our dialogue could pinpoint the MIS of our stories (as well as the MIS of our Main Characters)? [Always look for trailer moments seems part of this.]
Final thought just about this movie – it brilliantly puts us in a position to wonder who the real killer is? If it is Beth why did she walk toward Nick when he warned her and held a gun at her? Because she was so determined to get his love back that she thought she already had? Why did she put her hand in her pocket? – The keys to his place was a symbol of their love and being together? Most importantly if it was Beth then why did Catherine have an ice pick under the bed in the very last shot??? Seems that alone implicates Catherine as the killer all along.
Final final thought: the orchestration was either Over The Top or really really heightened ALL of the Suspense and THRILLS. (Something not written in a script unless you wish to suggest actual song titles which convey something important it gives the story.)
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James’ World and Characters:
I learned how using the M.I.S. brings up so many questions to be answered and snowballs into not only Character level MIS but also how the interactions between these characters can fuel all of it and create a clear and worthy THRILLER MOVIE!
MOM, ONLY GOT ONE (tentative title): Crime-Thriller
Logline: When a Trans Male returns home after college to find out who killed his Mother, he must use his College major in Crime Forensics, which initially leads to a well-liked Billionaire buying up farms in the area but turns out to be more sinister- the betrayal by the people he grew up with as a female.
BIG MYSTERY: Who killed Tang’s Mother and why?
BIG INTRIGUE: Why the hell has the town tuned against Tang just for trying to find justice for his Mom, who had been one of them for generations! Later: Who is buying all the land and why are the locals not talking about it?
BIG SUSPENSE: Will Tang be killed for being a Trans Male or for uncovering the towns secrets about their farms? Is the Billionaire behind it all?
WORLD: The desperate family farmer who, first being taken over by industrial farming and big agro, and now Billionaires. World of the generational divide of the farm FAMILY UNIT to a new generation of “woke” kids who want to leave for the progressive city life (which is expensive).
HERO: TANG, Trans male
A. What is the mystery of this character?
How can he solve the mystery of the small town who won’t accept him?
B. What is the intrigue of this character?
He has to cope with townsfolk he grew up with as a “she” and also the long lost BFF he knew as a “she.” And a budding relationship with his long ago unrequited love.
C. What is the suspense of this character?
Just being Trans he is a target, but he is a forensics expert and will stop at nothing to find out the truth about her Mother’s death.
RED HERRING: TOWN SHEIRFF
A. What is the mystery of this character?
Did he kill Tang’s Mother? He is not looking for the killer. Yet he’s out-of-character by being one of the few who look after Tang’s well-being. [Doesn’t want secrets to get out, a few of his own personal ones. (He protects his son with the crimes he has committed)]
B. What is the intrigue of this character?
His Son is gay and Tang’s BFF and knows he hates the town and all it represents with a passion! AND he has many secrets he keeps close to the chest, specially about Tang’s Mothers death.
C. What is the suspense of this character?
He is the ultimate law enforcer of the area, carries a big stick and isn’t afraid to use it.
VILLAIN: BFF – Gay Guy
A. What is the mystery of this character?
Being Gay with Gay affectations is a great cover but he seems to know a lot about the Mayor’s death (which happened before the script starts).
B. What is the intrigue of this character?
He is progressive and caring to those close to him and he wants to change the world. RAINBOW PRIDE! (This makes him unsuspecting to Tang)
C. What is the suspense of this character?
He keeps Tang close but has very sketchy dealings with everyone else, with lots of secrets meeting with his same-age gang. (His entitlement and jealousy come out in quick, brutal force.)
COOL SUPPORTING CHARACTERS:
TANG has BETH, his unrequited Love – which may come to reality but she gets killed trying to help Tang find the truth.
SHIERFF has a Therapist to get out all his troubles – the Son, the buying up of dozens of farms and the recent local deaths.
BFF has a dumb set of Twins who do his dirty work.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by James Ridgley.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by
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James’ big MIS
I learned to be specific but not married to what I am getting now as I am sure that what I learns will change things up a bit to make for a better project.
MOM, ONLY GOT ONE (tentative title): Crime-Thriller
Logline: When a Trans Male returns home after college to find out who killed his Mother, he must use his College major in Crime Forensics, which initially leads to a well-liked Billionaire buying up farms in the area but turns out to be more sinister- the betrayal by the people he grew up with as a female.
Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: TANG: Trans male, 22, Forensics Major, dream to join FBI, Opinonated and unafraid of who “they” are.
Dangerous Villain: Tang’s former BFF growing up who represents the other Sons and Daughters of the Townsfolk she grew up with who want to keep the Billionaire on course to buy their land even if they have to murder to get it done.
High stakes:
Mom’s dead; the Mayor dead; Tang is threatened; a Villain who seems has money to make anything happen; a BFF who turns out to be the Villain after all.
Life and death situations:
Tang’s old unrequited love is now rekindled but she is killed with a bullet meant for him. Tang sneaks around a lot, and threatens people who could retaliate but Tang is relentless.
This movie is thrilling because?
Tang won’t stop trying to solve the murder of her mother – all the while trying to find acceptance with people she has known the longest in her life before college; Tang realizes that in addition to not being accepted as Trans is dangerous – finding out the secrets of the townsfolk she used to know is even more dangerous;
Tang exposes the recent selling off of many farms to an unknown group of shell companies, which implicates the Billionaire but then uncovers it may be his own BFF.
BIG MYSTERY: Who killed Tang’s Mother and why?
BIG INTRIGUE: Why the hell has the town tuned against Tang just for trying to find justice for his Mom, who had been one of them for generations! Later: Who is buying all the land and why are the locals not talking about it?
BIG SUSPENSE: Will Tang be killed for being a Trans Male or for uncovering the towns secrets about their farms? Is the Billionaire behind it all?
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I learned to take notice of how important the first mystery is and how it becomes reality when it seems to be covered up. Chinatown is one of the best examples of this.
MOVIE TO WATCH AND CRITIQUE: “THE GAME”
Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: Lonely, serious and boring, ultra rich Executive, thinks people are out to get him.
Dangerous Villain: CRS – the organization which sells THE GAME.
High stakes: Loss of $600 Million; shot at, almost drowned,
Life and death situations: Shot at, locked in a taxi as it sinks in SF Bay, Shot at while driving, Shot at by Guards,
This movie is thrilling because? Information is stolen to steal everything one owns at which point they are disposable. Chase scenes, love interest, betrayal, his own Brother in life-threatening trouble then turns on him, innocent man running for his very life,
What is the BIG Mystery, Intrigue, and Suspense of this story?
Big Mystery: Who is CRS and is The Game a a big con or not.
Big Intrigue: Who and What are real, and, who and what is not?
Big Suspense: Can he trust anyone at all as his insulated world crumbles all around him leaving him exposed and hunted to kill.
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I, James Ridgley, I agree to the terms of this release form.
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I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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Hello everyone,
James Ridgley – I live in Los Angeles and I have written 20 scripts or more. Many genres. Mostly Action-Comedy or Comedy but I do have 3 Horror scripts in line for funding and a 1/2 Hr TV Series in development.
I have done several paid assignments and now want to feel I can write a great THRILLER! I have used many thriller elements in some of my scripts but want to really learn the MAP and the layering of M.I.S
My first career was as a Comedy-Juggler and then did lots of Stand-up and as I wrote scripts I felt I needed to get on set somewhere and ended up with a long Production Sound Mixing Career – won an Emmy Certificate and did sound on a film which won an Actor an Oscar.
Right now I just sent an Actor (with a fan base) a feature to star in and I will direct. Waiting for notes to do a rewrite and hope to do crowdfunding to make this thing happen.
Nice to e-meet everyone.
(PS – I see we have a South African aboard – I have spent a lot of time in South Africa many years ago – even married one – but eventually it didn’t work out)
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Yes Helen – thank you so much for posting!!!!!
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Sure thing Ola — just sent it email.
Cheers,
James
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Larry,
So try interesting the way you laid this out – with Direction and Twist. I can see so much of your story now. Very good work IMHO
James
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BTW: I found this in some weird news article:
“In 1994, the Sherman family moved to Skinwalker Ranch in Utah only to discover some truly strange sights. From their time on the ranch, they remembered flashing lights, the disappearances of cows and dogs, mutilated animals, and even bizarre seven-foot-tall figures.”
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WOW – that is so clean! I almost wish I put identifiers like you did at the front of each new line. Yet I didn’t. I think my is pretty long as it is.
Best to filling out the details. James
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Thanks a lot Larry! Hahahaha — yes, I should – it was a first thought and certainly has been done in movies in the past. Good to get rid of the cliches also. Thanks.
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I agree with you : Mike’s daughter disappears. <i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>(turn into INCITING INCEDENT??)
<i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>(I have a Sheriff who is a Red Herring also!!)
<i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>
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Very interesting twists and turns you have here. I LIKE IT!
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Covet what you see everyday AND a trophy wife to please. Interesting.
Does he get away with it? If so who is hurt? OR does karma have to ruin it for him?
Could have a great ironic ending such as the Trophy wife becomes a pain in the ass but he is stuck with her for some reason or another. Or she sleeps with everyone on the island paradise and he has to live with it or she will divulge the evidence she has on him regarding that last bust. Just thoughts. Hope it comes out great.
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James – huge stakes and a huge wound for a revenge story – I like it!
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Because I talk better than the snail pace of messaging. Talking we can work on understanding concepts better – The speed of back and forth on the phone is much more fruitful and I like the personal aspect of it as well.
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Michael, I tried 5by7 cards (and even larger ones) years ago for a few projects and didn’t really like them much. I’m not against them at all – in fact I may even try them again one day. Be well.
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Ola,
This sounds like the beginning of a great story. I like the brain scan idea and other elements.
Wish you the best in its development.
James