[Jamie Stegner]

Jamie Stegner

What I learned: There’s plenty of story and it comes through just for the asking. Characters are eager to do their worst and their best.

BWTV AI Mod 2 Lesson 3 Five Seasons

[ Perpetual Conflict & Challenges: 1. Eric’s crime family ingenious endeavors 2. Rival gangs form alliances then steal and kill 3. Members of the Secret Society continue to hunt for talisman 4. Law enforcement Federal and Local, honest and corrupt 5. Internal family quarrels and in-laws who can’t be trusted 6. Weather on the Great Lakes (storms, freezing winters) ]

SEASON ONE: 1870 Hamburg, a young charismatic pirate, Eric, falsely accused of murder, takes a crew position on a ship bound for Quebec City. Just short of the city, he robs the Captain of valuable cargo and a gold chain with fangs and rows ashore. He runs west until frozen winter stops him at Kingston. A feisty young woman joins him in his room for the winter and by spring her belly is starting to bulge. He must continue west. Will he leave her there on her own or take her with him?

SEASON TWO A: Eric and Molly travel west to Chicago and raise their son, Jacques, among rival gangs. They build a crime network on the Great Lakes. For 15 years the Captain tracks Eric by his burn scar, determined to retrieve the chain with fangs and performing the rituals that limit its evil powers. When the Captain holds Eric at gun point and is about to explain the evil powers of the chain with fangs, Jacque comes to defend his father: will he shoot the Captain?

SEASON TWO B: Jacques kills the Captain before he can explain the evil powers of the Chain with Fangs. Eric has stopped wearing it but keeps it in heavy wood and steel box. Others from the Secret Society find Captain’s journals and continue the pursuit of the man with the burn scar to recover the Chain with Fangs. They keep up the rituals to limit its powers.

Jacques’ son Herbert is born and raised; sent to the best schools.

SEASON THREE: Herbert is smart and enterprising. He’s been to the best schools and socializes with the upper crust, keeping his criminal family secret. He marries a sophisticated young woman who brings the family to a new level. throughout Prohibition and the Roaring 20’s. Herbert and his wife amass a great fortune and build the house on the cliff to smuggle whiskey from Canada. They maintain a legitimate front. Herb is a fan of Teddy Roosevelt.

Their son is born on the day of the Great Crash 1929.

SEASON FOUR: Herb’s son squanders the family fortune with lavish parties and gambling. His son (born 1955) escapes the drunkenness in the forest surrounding the house and becomes reclusive. His mother takes up witchcraft and conjures a wife for him.

Herbert and his wife will not tolerate the witchcraft and burn the witch and their son at the stake in the back yard. But they are unable to capture the demonic ‘wife’ who remains a resident in the house on the cliff.

SEASON FIVE: The demon wife is unable/ unwilling to have children and snatches two four-year-olds to be daughter and son for her ‘husband’. Herbert and his wife do what they can to protect these children from the demon “Mother”.

BRD feature film could be the pilot, showing the end first, then coming forward to show how it all happened.

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[Jamie Stegner]

Jamie Stegner

What I learned: filling in the blanks helps to round out the characters in all aspects. Just put something and come back later. Working back and forth with the different characters and the plot they fill out details for each other.

Characters: Beginning Middle and End

Jack – Eric

Beginning: Opening scene: In 1870 Hamburg on a ship at the dock, Pirates divvy up the loot, say farewell and go their separate ways.

Middle: But three turn back and attack Jack for his share. He kills one but the others cry out “Murder!” and set the police on him. Hiding out in a dark tavern, he meets a sailor, Eric, who has a crew position on a ship leaving soon for Quebec City. He gets the sailor’s papers and leaves him there passed out drunk.

End: The Captain takes him on board as midshipman ‘Eric’ and pulls away from the dock just as the police arrive. They’re off down the Elbe River to the New World of adventure, fortune and freedom.

Captain

Beginning: Captain of the clipper ship, an honest businessman taking European goods to Quebec City and returning with furs and timber to make enough profit to keep his family comfortable all winter.

Middle: As the last of his crew come aboard, Hamburg police arrive at the docks searching for a murderer and delaying departures. The Captain leaves one sailor to wait for a carriage from Transylvania that’s bringing a special cargo and quietly pulls away from the dock into the Elbe River. They meet up downstream, take on the two coffins, continue down the Elbe to the North Sea and the English Channel. In rough water the coffins tip and the contents of soil spills out; the Captain is frantic to sweep up every grain.

End: Near Dover the Captain exchanges lantern signals with someone on the dark shore. They row out to take the two coffins and give the Captain a gold chain with fangs that he quickly conceals from the crew.

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Joe

Beginning: Career sailor. Becomes friends with Eric on the voyage to Quebec City.

Middle: Joe awakens in the dark with a jolt. In the St. Lawrence River, down stream from Quebec City Eric set the ship to run the aground on an island, robbed the Captain of valuable cargo and the chain with fangs, taken one of the long boats and rowed ashore. Joe thinks about how Eric was planning this during the entire voyage across the North Atlantic and comes to admire his cunning. He wishes Eric had included him in his plan. When the Captain asks for volunteers to stay in Quebec City for the winter and track Eric to retrieve the stolen cargo, Joe is first up. He pretends outrage that Eric could be such a traitor.

End: Secretly, Joe admires Eric and wants to join him. He’ll track him this winter but to join him.

Molly

Beginning: A pretty young woman enjoys an innocent pint in a tavern.

Middle: She picks Eric’s pocket. He admires her skill and heads her off out back. She pulls her knife on him and snarls, a scrappy little vixen.

End: Eric invites her to his room for bread. She stays the winter. Come spring her belly is starting to swell.

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[Jamie Stegner]

Jamie Stegner

What I learned: It’s great to get the story and the series organized in this deliberate way. It feels so much more manageable.

Assignment 2– Big Picture Open Loops for Eric & Joe

A BIG PIX open loop for Black Water (carry the season): Will Jack / Eric succeed to build a life in the New World? What kind of life will his pirate skills bring? His sailor and navigation skills? His fighting skills?

1. GOALS:

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[Jamie Stegner]

Jamie Stegner

What I learned: It is effective to systematically design the mysteries with the WWWWWH formula. Then to at least the author knows the whole story and can reveal as desired. (The magics not magic to the magician – it’s skill.) I had to get used to the idea of knowing a lot more about the story than the reader/ audience does. As writer, I don’t experience the story in the same way. Up until now I was wanting to feel the story the same way the audience does, with mysteries still unknow to me as well. Now I see that the writer must craft the story more like a magic trick – surprise to the audience is brought about by skill, not magic.

ASSIGNMENT 2:

Create two mysteries for your show — one that shows up strong in the Pilot and the other that is revealed over time.

1. Create your Shocking Event Mystery and tell us the WWWWW and H, along with the part withheld.

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[Jamie Stegner]

Jamie Stegner

What I learned: Itemizing the distress / empathy strengthens the story. I will deliberately add more. Breaking Bad really piled it on poor Walter.

Assignment 2 :

Make a list of BIG PICTURE difficult situations and decisions your characters could make because of the main conflict of this series.

1. Pursued by Hamburg police for murder that was self-defense. Undeserved misfortune.

2. To escape police, steals the identity of a sailor who’s crew on ship leaving very soon. ?Does he have to kill the sailor? Desperation to get away from Hamburg and injustice of the murder accusation = empathy.

3. Will break the contracted promise to crew the return voyage because he cannot return to Hamburg, leaving the captain and crew with insufficient crew for the return voyage. Too bad – they’ll figure it out and he’s forfeiting his pay for the one leg.

4. Will jump ship with valuable cargo to finance his adventures in the New World and to compensate him for the pay he will not receive. And because he’s a thief. At least he doesn’t kill the Captain, he had a chance to. “Foolish old man. You’re lucky I don’t kill you.” Show some mercy and restraint.

5. Steals a gold chain necklace that unknown to him has supernatural powers and ties to vampires of central Europe. He’s stepping into a mess he will come to regret. Ominous as audience knows the connection to the coffins filled with soil.

6. With skill, effort and determination he rows ashore against powerful currents of the St. Lawrence River. Sets the clipper ship to run aground at the sandy tip of the island, not harming the ship and giving him a 10 hour head start as they wait for the next rising tide to get loose of the sandbar. Empathy: admirable skills and courage. Audience can identify with his ambitions to start a new life in America – pursuit of freedom and prosperity.

7. Some of the crew acknowledge his cleverness and inspiring ambitions, but the Captain is furious and feels deeply betrayed. He vows revenge, though it may take him years to achieve. = long term threat: Eric has made enemies.

8. Ashore near a small town as planned, Eric must hurry west beyond Quebec City before the Captain and loyal crew can pursue him. He steals a horse and rides west along the north shore into Quebec City. Taking a chance he stops to feed and rest the horse near a jeweler shop and waits for it to open. He plans to sell one of the watches to pay for the horse’s care and have some cash money for his expenses. He needs gear and provisions to make the journey to the next town. Empathy – he’s kind to animals.

Distress:

• A.
  Undeserved misfortune. Accused and pursued by police for a murder that was
  self –defense. Empathy: admirable fighting skills.
• B.
  External Character conflicts. Captain imposes a requirement to crew the
  return voyage. Eric pretends to go along but secretly, he cannot return to
  Hamburg.
• C. Plot
  intruding on life. Many
  mis-adventures will block his path as he journeys west. In Kingston for
  the winter.
• D. Moral
  dilemmas. He’s tempted to kill the Captain as he steals the small case of
  gold watches and the necklace kept secure in the Captain’s cabin.
• E. Forced
  decisions they’d never make. Eric
  is forced to leave Hamburg in a hurry, not saying goodbye to the few
  friends he has there. Going to them would have exposed him to possible
  arrest by the police.

Empathy:

• A. Put the
  character in distress. Self-defense
  killing, accused of murder by witnesses and police. Life threatening
  stress of conviction.
• B. Make
  them relatable. To flee from
  injustice is understandable. We want him to succeed.
• C.
  Universal experiences that are emotional.
  Eric desires freedom and prosperity in the New World. He anticipates that it will be difficult
  in this new land, wilderness and strange peoples, but is up for the
  challenges. He will do whatever is
  necessary to succeed.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 5 months ago by  websystems.

[Jamie Stegner]

What I learned: Characters interactions push and pull each other in new directions, open wounds, cause conflict and distress, and sometimes joy – if that’s your genre. Character interactions and relationships – both positive and negative – create the story, give meaning and catharsis. No character is an island.

Eric with Captain

• Surface: Sailor / Captain
• Common
  Ground: Cross the North Atlantic
  quickly and safely from Hamburg to Quebec City and return before winter.
• Conflict: Captain requires all sailors to crew the
  return voyage and not get paid until they return to Hamburg. Eric pretends to agree but he cannot
  return because he is wanted by the police for murder. He will jump ship
  and remain in the New World, leaving the Captain short crew for the
  dangerous return voyage. Eric will steal valuable cargo to finance his new
  adventures.
• History:
  Eric is skilled sailor; he takes on the identity of another man who has
  contracted for the crew position on a ship that leaves very soon, giving
  Eric a chance to escape the police. He deceives the Captain into thinking
  he’s the sailor he hired – a man with good references.
• Subtext:
  Eric is charming and charismatic. He can con most people to get what he
  wants. He will kill when necessary. The captain is charmed by him; deceived.
• Relationship
  Arc: Eric starts as a member of the
  crew, gains the Captains trust and access to the navigational charts and
  control of the watch schedule. Eric also charms the crew and avoids
  raising jealousy of the Captain’s favoritism. Eric jumps ship with
  valuable cargo just short of Quebec City, sets the ship to run aground,
  giving him a 10 hour head start. He takes off to the west, set on his ambition
  to start a new life and escape law enforcement from Europe or the Captain’s
  ire. Eric and the Captain start as employer / employee, to favorite and
  like a son, to betrayed and robbed, the Captain’s furious rage — he will
  exact revenge. After several years and Eric has established his criminal
  enterprises and started a family, the Captain will surprisingly find him
  and challenge his life.

Eric with Joe:

• Surface:
  Crew members on sailing ship crossing North Atlantic Sept 1870
• Common
  Ground: Sailors, headed for the New
  World, but contracted to crew the return voyage. Secretly, each wants to stay in the New
  World and break the contract with the Captain.
• Conflict: Eric is fiercely independent; a loner;
  self-reliant. Joe wants to be partners with him because he’s smart and
  clever and will make a good life in America.
• History: Just met on this voyage to Quebec City
  from Hamburg.
• Subtext: Eric
  has no need for a partner but he might use Joe for some benefit so leads
  him on in friendship. Joe is fascinated by Eric and wants to be partners
  in crime or whatever Eric has in mind. Joe can sense that Eric is a
  criminal, despite his charming exterior. Joe suspects that Eric is not the
  sailor he is pretending to be and wonders what happened to the other guy.
• Relationship
  Arc: Crew members on the ship
  sailing from Hamburg to Quebec City Sept 1870 – become friends – Eric jumps
  ship, betraying the Captain and the crew – Joe pretends outrage and volunteers
  to hunt down Eric and get justice. But actually, Joe wants to find Eric
  and join him. Joe learns these skills of deception from Eric.

Captain with Eric

• Surface:
  Employer as Captain of sailing ship. Eric as crew who has agreed to crew
  the return voyage across the North Atlantic. They must hurry to get back
  before winter.
• Common
  Ground: Safely and quickly cross the North Atlantic from Hamburg to Quebec
  City and return.
• Conflict:
  Eric pretends to agree but secretly plans to jump ship and not return to
  Hamburg.
• History:
  The Captain thinks he has hired a sailor with good references, but Eric has
  secretly taken his place. The Captain doesn’t really know him at all and
  trusts him too much, is fooled by his charm and charisma.
• Subtext: Eric has no intention of honoring the
  contract to return, yet he is charming and gains favor with the Captain. Because
  of the references for the other sailor, the Captain readily trusts him.
  Yet, Eric is not that man at all. Eric laughs at how easy it was to charm
  the Captain. Unscrupulous. He gains knowledge of the valuable cargo and
  the gold necklace hidden in the Captain’s cabin.
• Relationship
  Arc: Captain thinks Eric is the
  sailor with good references; he is easily beguiled by his charm. During
  the voyage, the captain starts to feel about Eric like a son. When he is
  betrayed and robbed he is enraged. He recruits one sailor to stay behind
  in Quebec City and hunt down Eric and exact justice and retrieve the
  stolen gold. The Captain will return to Quebec City in the Spring, intending
  to get revenge on Eric. It will take him years to find him and his
  criminal empire on the Great Lakes.

The Captain and Joe

• Surface: Captain and sailor
• Common
  Ground: Cross the North Atlantic safely and quickly.
• Conflict: Captain expects Joe to honor his
  contract to crew the return to Hamburg. Joe pretends to honor the agreement, but
  secretly wants to stay in the New World, but he doesn’t have a plan.
• History: Captain and Joe have sailed together
  before. Joe is known as a so-so sailor at the Hamburg docks.
• Subtext:
  Captain needs Joe to return to Hamburg. The North Atlantic can become
  treacherous is ice starts to form, the weather worsen with increasing cold
  and strong winds. Finding crew to return to Europe in Quebec City would be
  difficult. (Dilemma) After Eric’s
  betrayal, the Captain has to trust Joe to be the one to stay behind and
  seek justice.
• Relationship
  Arc: Captain / Sailor crew –
  trusted crew member – Joe will stay behind to hunt down Eric – Captain finances
  Joe’s expenses for the winter on the St. Lawrence River with the urgency
  to find Eric, exact justice and retrieve the gold. Captain trusts Joe to
  do this because Joe puts on a show of outrage that Eric would betray the
  entire crew by not honoring his contract to return to Hamburg.

Joe with Eric:

• Surface:
  Sailors – fellow crew members
• Common
  Ground: Cross the North Atlantic quickly and safely. Return to Hamburg.
  Secretly, each of them really wants to stay in New World and not return,
  but they won’t get paid until they return to Hamburg. They signed a
  contract, they made an agreement. Joe feels conflicted about breaking it,
  but Eric has no qualms.
• Conflict: Joe is basically honest. Eric is
  basically a pirate, thief and murderer.
• History: They just met on the voyage.
• Subtext: Joe admires Eric’s charm and charisma.
  He senses that Eric is much more than he shows = not as honest and
  friendly as he pretends. Joe finds this intriguing. Eric is uncomfortable being admired. He
  is self-reliant, secretive, a loner, independent and has never had close
  relationships with others. Joe’s friendliness may come in handy, but is
  uncomfortable for Eric.
• Relationship
  Arc: Fellow crew members – friends – Eric betrays the crew – Joe volunteers
  to hunt him – Eric will find Joe following him and confront – they will
  become partners in crime – Joe will also betray the Captain.

Joe with the Captain:

• Surface: Captain / Sailor
• Common
  Ground: Cross the North Atlantic quickly and safely and return to Hamburg
• Conflict: Captain had all sign contract for the
  return voyage. Joe wants to stay in New World; he doesn’t have a plan to
  get out of the contract.
• History:
  The Captain and Joe have sailed together before. Joe is a so-so sailor but
  basically trustworthy. Joe likes this Captain; he’s fair and pays what he
  says.
• Subtext:
  Joe trusts this Captain. He’s dismayed at how easily the Captain trust
  Eric. Joe suspects that Eric is not the sailor the Captain originally
  hired but he likes Eric so he doesn’t say anything.

• Relationship
  Arc: Joe and Captain start as Sailor /
  Captain – Joe indifferent but appears to be a trustworthy sailor – Joe pretends
  outrage when Eric jumps ship – volunteers to hunt down Eric – lies to Captain
  that he will bring justice – (deception skills he learned from Eric) – Joe betrays
  the Captain – finds Eric to join him.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 5 months ago by  websystems.

[Jamie Stegner]

Jamie Stegner

BWTV +AI Mod 1 Lesson 4 Character Layers

What I learned: Taking each character thru the list of layers helped to fill them out and gave me lots of ideas for story, helped to differentiate the characters and build their relationships.

Eric: Lead character: pirate, thief. Crew on ship from Hamburg to Quebec City 1870.

Hidden agenda: Joins crew of ship leaving tonight to escape Hamburg police. He plans to jump ship as ship nears Quebec City with valuable cargo (gold watches) and not crew return voyage as promised.

Competition: Other sailors to gain the favor of the Captain, for access to navigation charts and to manipulate the watch schedule for his plan to succeed.

Conspiracy: Eric doesn’t take anyone into his confidence about his plan. He’s charming and many of the crew feel he’s a close friend, but he has no intention of being a true friend.

Secrets: Orphan, homeless, rootless. Doesn’t know how to trust others. A survivor.

Deceptive: Charming and charismatic, but not a true friend.

Wound: Orphan, raised by pirates.

Secret identity: Has had a rough life concealed beneath charm and charisma. A romantic, loves nature and is kind to animals.

Captain

Hidden agenda: Appears to be straight forward business man on cargo runs between Hamburg and Quebec City, but has covert delivery of 2 coffins filled with soil to deliver near Dover. For this he’s paid with a necklace containing vampire fangs. Is he on the side of the vampire hunters or the vampires?

Competition: With other ships for crew for the voyage across the North Atlantic. He must secure enough crew who agree to return to Hamburg because crew who will return to Hamburg for the winter are hard to find in Quebec City.

Conspiracy: involved with the transport of coffins filled with soil.

Secret: Has terminal disease and seeks immortality through supernatural means. Needs profits from the cargo to Quebec and the return cargo to finance his covert operations.

Deception: Hiding the delivery, undercover of darkness, of the coffins filled with soil under the voyage to Quebec City. And hiding the contents of the coffins, but rough water tips them and exposes the contents.

Wound: Is terminally ill.

Secret Identity: belongs to an ancient secret society engaged in the supernatural. Eric unwittingly steals an important necklace with secret powers. The Captain is able to track him by this and will confront him later on the Great Lakes.

Joe: Role: Sailor the Captain trusts to track Eric and retrieve the gold necklace and the gold watches.

Hidden agenda: Joe would like to join Eric, more than to kill him or turn him over to the police.

Competition: Other sailors the Captain could chose to track Eric.

Conspiracies: Joe keeps it to himself that he will join Eric, not turn him over to the police.

Secrets: Joe likes Eric, admires his cunning. Joe doesn’t want to return to Europe either. He has a criminal past he would like to escape.

Deception: Joe pretends to be outraged that Eric would steal cargo and not honor his contract to crew the return voyage. Actually Joe thought of this himself but he didn’t figure it out beforehand.

Wound: Joe feels inadequate that he’s not clever like Eric.

Secret Identity: Joe comes from a good family but turned to crime and a life as a sailor because he couldn’t please his parents about school work and music.

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[Jamie Stegner]

Jamie Stegner. Characters who sell the show

What I learned: characters are fascinating and have all kinds of layers and details that will come up when I just listen for them.

Eric:

A. Role in
the show: Anti-hero
B. Unique
Purpose / Expertise: charismatic and charming, but criminal. Thief. Liar
con-artist. Many skills and
talents. Grew up in this world and doesn’t know any different.
C.
Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface? Wound: Wants to belong and to be loved
but doesn’t know how.
D. Moral
Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing? Not hard –hearted but has no morals. Orphan.
Raised on a pirate ship. Has no memory of family.
E.
Unpredictable: What will they do next?
He’ll do anything. Whatever is needed for freedom and
self-actualization. Not
deliberately evil, but will do what’s needed without hesitation or regret.

F.
Empathetic: Why do we care?
Orphan, wrongfully accused of murder (self-defense). His great skills of pickpocket and
con-artist are entertaining.

Layers: 1. Charismatic, charming. A good friend and teammate of all the crew. Does his share of the work and more. Helpful. Laughs easily. Uses this power ruthlessly.

2. Thief – calculating strategist.

3. Doesn’t hesitate to kill if that’s necessary.

4. Liar. Deceitful. Con- artist.

Wants: freedom, self-determination, adventure. Need: to belong. To love and be loved.

Wound: Orphan, has no memory of family. Grew up on a pirate ship. Always on the run from the law. Not necessarily hard –hearted just has no knowledge of soft life. Belonging has always been temporary. ‘Keep running’ is his creed. Vigilant, can never rest.

Skills: Urban survivalist. Excellent sailor. Can navigate on sea and land. Also knows horses. Smart- learns quickly. Can fight to win. Good with knives and guns. Knows canons. Very strong. Good swimmer.

Mistake: Loves the gold chain with vampire fangs and wears it under his shirt next to his skin. The evil will overtake him.

Inciting incident: police after him for murder – get out of Hamburg. Crew on a shop to the New World = OK! Let’s go. Agrees to any terms necessary to get the position. Ship leaving now.

Empathy: falsely accused of murder – it was self defense.

Orphan.

His high skills as pick-pocket are intriguing. Entertaining.

Character arc: Clever pirate, killer, thief on the run from law enforcement. Establishes a loyal crew, marries and one son in the business. Smuggle whiskey during prohibition. Dies a wealthy old man with a capable son and grandson to take over his business enterprises. From orphan to patriarch, very satisfying.

88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

Captain:

A. Role in the show: Antagonist – becomes enemy of Eric when
he deserts and steals.
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:
Ship captain that brings Eric to the New World and allows him to escape
the police.
C. Intrigue: What is secret
beneath the surface? 1. Dabbling in the occult with coffins of soil and
gold necklace with vampire fangs.

2. Comes to love Eric like a son.
Eric is falsely endearing and betrays.

D. Moral Issue: What moral
boundaries are they crossing? Capt will kill Eric as revenge for the
betrayal and the theft.
E. Unpredictable: What will they
do next? Capt does what he says and
returns to Hamburg on schedule. BUT after his wife dies and his daughters
are married he is free to pursue alternatives. Not that he’s free of obligation, will he
pursue Eric and kill him?
F. Empathetic: Why do we care? He was wrongfully betrayed by Eric. We
were also convinced by Eric so feel Capt’s pain. He’s an honest, good father and husband –
we identify.

Layers: 1. A large man, commanding presence. Former military officer / navy. Mean when necessary. Strict disciplinarian on board ship.

2. Family man and eager to complete the voyage and return with profit. Has 4 daughters; longs for a son. So personally hurt when Eric betrays him. Wants revenge. Really mad that he was conned.

3. The coffins of soil and the gold chain necklace: Dabbling in the occult and vampire lore.

Mistake: Dabbling in the occult. Underestimates the evil. The Chain-fang necklace will help The Captain locate Eric when he returns to New World next spring. Eric Reisszahne.

Mistake: trusting Eric, Had no reason not to. That’s Eric’s skill.

Wound: Has no son to carry on his name.

Motivation: Family, wife and daughters, brothers et al. at home in Hamburg. Wants wealth to share with them. Daughters well married, needs dowries.

Character arc: Honest businessman hauling cargo across the north Atlantic. Will pursue Eric and become like him. When returns to St. Lawrence his wife has died, his daughters are married. He meets up with Eric in Detroit he won’t be able to kill him (he’s like a son). Joins him in his pirate endeavors and stays in the New World.

88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

Mark Johannson –

A. Role in
the show: Hero’s reflector,
side-kick.
B. Unique
Purpose / Expertise: Loves Eric
platonically. A side-kick to talk to , play off of, work the pirate
business with.
C.
Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface? Mark was commissioned to kill Eric. Will
he ever do it? When he finds the
gold watches and gets the gold chain will he kill Eric?

He fears
the Capt will return and find them both. He hasn’t done what he promised.

D. Moral
Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing? Not carrying out the ` mission paid for by the Capt. Eric pushes lots of Mark’s moral
boundaries but Mark finds it exciting.

E. Unpredictable: What will he do next? Mark might find the gold watches, kill Eric and get the chain and go back to Quebec in spring when the Capt will return.

F.
Empathetic: Why do we care? Mark
is a sweet guy caught up in Eric’s charm – an innocent victim. a loyal
friend to Eric and also to the Capt.
They’re at odds and he’s stuck in the middle.

Layer: Surface a sweet honest guy. Hard working sailor. Crew respect him. Smart enough to understand navigation. A bit of a woos.

Layer: Capable of criminal activity but usually doesn’t, mostly out of fear of getting caught than any moral conviction.

Layer: acts appalled to the Captain but envies Eric’s moxie and courage; has admiration for his theft and escape from the clipper. Eagerly accepts assignment to pursue Eric and regain the watches and the necklace.

Layer: Pretends anger. Agrees to kill Eric on sight but secretly would really like to join him.

Wound: Kicked out of his family (alcoholics). Alone. Not attractive and no money to attract a wife.

Wants: to belong. Need community.

Character arc: Honest for the most part, joins Eric and becomes a ruthless pirate.

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[Jamie Stegner]

Jamie Stegner – Circles of Characters Breaking Bad posted

Main characters for BB:

Walt: Main character with the journey. In episode 2 he and Jesse must dispose of the bodies.

Skylar: Greatly affected by Walt’s journey. He’s not himself; admits to smoking pot; cover for why Jesse called his house.

Jesse: A major contributor to Walt’s journey into drug world. In Episode 2 source of conflict as they argue over what to do with Emilio and Crazy 8.

Hank: Walt’s best friend, but also DEA threat. Not seen in Episode 2 but threat of his law enforcement capacity brought up a few times.

Connected Circle:

Walt Jr.: Walt and Skylar’s son, goes to school where his father teaches; leaves in their house do daily encounters. Just seen briefly in Episode 2

Marie: Skylar’s sister. Not seen of spoken of in Episode 2.

Crazy 8: Should be dead from the pilot but lives. Violent threat to Walt and Jesse. Alive in the basement. Walt has to kill him, but doesn’t have the will to do it.

Environmental Characters seen in pilot and Episode 2: DEA agents who work with Hank.

School teachers who work with Walt. Students in Walt’s class.

In Episode 2: Native American man with equipment to pull RV out of the ditch. Two kids playing ball find the gas mask that Walt thru in frustration when the RV crashed.

[Jamie Stegner]

Jamie Stegner

What I learned: Pack it in! Every second of this pilot has something in it. Every word spoken has depth – what did she really mean by that? What’s not spoken? Even the quiet has intrigue. Every character has complexities.

BWTV AI Mod 1 Lesson 1 5 star point model for BB

1. Big pix hook: A shy, disrespected, high school teacher becomes a criminal meth cook and murderer. “I am awake!” = midpoint turn, he decides to do this and no longer be a victim.

Inciting incident: Cancer diagnosis. Inoperable, life-expectancy 2 years. He has to do something different to provide for his family after his death. DEA on the news – lots of cash- “easy money” – ride-along with DEA. Meets Jesse Pickman former student.

Point of no return: (not in the pilot)

2. Characters: Walter White: shy school teacher, good father and husband. Ineffective and passive; abused by boss at his second job and his students. 50 year birthday. Crisis: cancer diagnosis – he doesn’t tell his wife (this feels lonely) – the call to action. Teams up with former student to cook crystal meth; he knows the chemistry. Chooses an illegal and very dangerous way to make money. Immoral: crystal meth destroys lives. Threatened by gun toting drug dealers, Walt is smart. He kills them; he feels empowered. Walt is becoming unpredictable.

Skylar, Walt’s wife: Steady and level headed. Pregnant near 40 years old. Somewhat insensitive to Walt. She helped him settle for much less than his ability as a chemist. She doesn’t admire him or inspire him to do more with his life. A good wife in many ways but out of sync with Walt.

Jesse: Poor student, smart ass. Deep inside a decent person. Walt threatens him so teams up to cook with him. Conflict: will these two really pull of an illegal dangerous business? Smart mouthed chatter contrasts to Walt’s serious quiet. The most unpredictable character.

Hank: Walt’s brother in law, works for DEA. DEA in news: “It’s easy money, ’til we catch you.” Offers DEA ride-along and the temptation to Walt. Entertaining smart mouthed character. Exuberant contrast to Walt’s quiet manner.

3. Empathy / distress: Walt has plenty of this: Wife decides to throw 50 b’day party – he obviously not interested. She decides veggie bacon that smells like band-aides. She nixes an activity he’s interested in cuz back bedroom needs painting. Walt gets little enthusiasm from his students and some are really bad, disrespectful. Works second job in repulsive car wash much beneath his ability; humiliating. Money’s tight at home. Cancer diagnosis – horrible! He doesn’t tell his wife – that feels very lonely. Audience cares so much about Walt that we forgive him when he turns to cooking meth to make money. I felt at the end of the pilot: “there’s got to be a better way.” But I was worried about Walt and Jesse and the pregnant wife, fearing that the DEA cop would have to arrest (or worse) his own brother in law, apparently each others’ best friend.

4. Layers: Walt is a smart chemist; why is he teaching high school? What is his wound that he can’t be more confident and command more respect? What’s between Walt and his wife that he doesn’t tell her about the cancer? Open loops: How can Walt team up with one of his poorest students? Seems risky for deadly errors with the chemistry. Are these two going to work together? How is Walt going to keep the meth cooking and business secret from Skylar and Hank? When & how will Walt’s wife find out about the cancer? How will that disease progress? Will he get treatment or what? Will her pregnancy be OK?

5. Inviting obsession: End of the pilot Walt has lost his pants. The RV is in a ditch. Walt has killed Krazy 8 and Emilio with chemistry. Two dead bodies in the back of the RV. At least Jesse is conscious and not dead. He may be helpful.

How will Walt and Jesse get out of this? What next?

[Jamie Stegner]

As a member of this group, I, Jamie Stegner, agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Jamie Stegner]

Jamie Stegner – Misdirect

What I learned: Use misdirect sparingly. Be careful not to confuse reader and audience. If all other Thriller components are in place, just a drop is needed. Be sure that the reveal is strong and clear.

I have just one instance of deliberate misdirect:

Mother in the house alone, dressed for a party but no one is there. She speaks to the portrait over the fireplace.

“They’ll come! and they’ll stay!! They’ll stay for the money.”

There is no money, but audience and characters believe there is until almost the end. Mother speaks with assurance when she knows there is no money to be found. The hero is horrified to learn that she has been so deceived by one she knows plays these kinds of tricks. It’s too late, the deaths are set up and fire rapidly.

————

[Jamie Stegner]

Jamie Stegner Clue Trails

What I learned: Start at the end and work forward. Carefully planned clues and mysteries can get more complex without being confusing if planned one at a time and added to thriller map.

List of mysteries:

1. What did Mother do with the money? $1MM ten times. Hundred dollar bills – a tote bag. A brief case. Not that big. 10x. [truth: there is no money. She got $10,000 and has spent all. Forged the bank papers to look like $10MM to keep the children fighting to the death and remain in the house with her forever.]

Clues: (the forgeries) the old mail, some unopened that looks authentic. Bank statements false, but sealed like unopened mail showing withdrawals of $1MM in cash, Once a month for the 10 months. One hundred dollar bills. [ Until she lay down in her bed and died about 9 months ago. ]

Clue: B overhear S tell H about the $10MM and is furious, therefore he doesn’t know about this. He has not received special treatment from Mother as S accuses.

Clue: They find small amounts of cash, $100 bills, just a few hundred. Variety of places. (teasers)

Clue: Susan’s report of her previous call to the bank says account is almost empty. No mention of millions.

Clue: (misleading) Canned ham in the kitchen cupboard. Mother wouldn’t buy that; no one would eat that! Has someone else been around? The grounds don’t look kept. House is in dis-repair. The house is dusty – no housekeeper lately.

Clue: All four are searching the house and not finding much cash, certainly not $1MM.

2. Why Ten Million life insurance? Seems like a lot.

Clue: W mentions Fri evening during discussion but is disregarded.

Clue: W brings up ridiculous amount again on Saturday afternoon over tea. Causes S to look again and find the fraud in the bank statements – there is no money !! Mother’s forgery; typical Mother trick!

3. What happened to Father? Disappeared 9 years ago. Discussed over lunch Friday.

CLUE: After Lunch, Father falls out of ceiling onto W.

Mystery: How did he die in the attic? Why falling thru now?

SOLVE: S will go up there Saturday a.m. to escape B. Free Father from trap, hear Mother’s ghost account of not helping and let him die of the cold.

CLUE & MYSTERY: How did she get $10MM life insurance when the body is not found?

4. What’s W’s position? Hates B, but married to him. Willing to kill him or just deceive S? Beguile H, get him away from S so B can kill him, or is she really attracted to him?

5. $10MM starts everyone thinking about possibilities. No one is reliable.

——————

[Jamie Stegner]

Jamie Stegner. Reveals, cover-ups.

What I learned: to specifically clarify the hidden truth and how it gets covered up. Then to strengthen the demands for revealing the truth. To work backwards from the truth, to the need for cover-up, and the demands for revealing. Must be an important aspect of the story and revealed dramatically, with consequences.

1. Reveal (the reality): Brother is a natural born killer who hides it well under charm and charisma. His wife is afraid of him but plays the happily married part convincingly. His sister is the only person who knows who he really is. She tries to warn her husband, but this just discredits her in his eyes.

Cover-up: Brother is charming and charismatic when he wants to be. He’s an expert at setting traps and enticing his prey into them. His sister knows his true nature but his behavior is so contrary to her report that she seems crazy. His wife’s family loves him and thinks he’s wonderful. Any opinion to the contrary is met with scoffing. The brother planned it this way.

Demands for reveal: A. Brother and sister get into a screaming fight and both spouses retreat outside on the veranda. Here wife can tell some of how awful brother is, and sister’s husband starts to consider what his wife said. But brother’s continued friendliness and charm are hard to resist. He thinks both women are exaggerating. B. Wife tells sister the truth of her relationship with brother. Both women are relieved to finally find someone who understands their experiences of brother’s true nature. Can either trust the other? Both have secret desire to kill brother (self defense) but are afraid to tell anyone. Now they might have an ally. Their respective desires to rid the world of him increases. Sister: “He’s a killer. He needs killing.”

Readers and audience experience Brother’s true nature: whittling a sharp point, securing the long rope in his room upstairs – making a hangman’s noose, returning the bear trap as he found it and preparing a gag. After the mid-point the deaths occur in rapid succession.

[Jamie Stegner]

Jamie Stegner Trusts and Betrayals (T&B)

Concept: To compel her runaway brats to return home, nasty Mother dies. And to keep them home forever she hides a fortune in cash for them to fight over – fight to the death.

Structure: 3 Acts. Contained horror/thriller feature

Thriller Class Lesson 10 Trust & Betrayal – Summary by character

Four questions: trusts and should; trusts but should not; dis-trusts but can trust; dis-trusts and should dis-trust.

1. Hero Susan : trust Husband Howard. He betrays somewhat in his attraction to B’s wife. Goes off to the store with W, leaving S there alone. He doesn’t realize how betrayed she feels because he doesn’t appreciate how treacherous her brother is.

S hates Brother’s W for flirting with her husband. Warns her off – W agrees but how far can she trust her?

Susan trusts her brother’s Wife because she can believe how afraid of him she is. She knows he’s a killer so when wife reports he threatens to kill her it’s believable. Susan will help W kill Brother because he’s a killer and needs killing. BUT Susan is aware that this will free up W to go after H. Also, W is an “air-head” can she stand up to the stress of setting up a trap and carrying it out?

Does not trust: Susan knows she cannot trust her brother. He has been an enemy all her life. She has experienced his love of killing first hand. Each sibling is a kind of Red Herring because it is Mother who is the real Villain behind all the hostility between them.

S believes the Mother’s torments that have driven the wedge between her and her brother . If she could have seen this for what it is, she might have a different relationship with him.

Trusts but should not: Susan believes the bank account papers she finds, but should NOT. She should know that anything to do with her Mother is a trap.

2. Howard. Doesn’t trust but should: Howard’s trust of Susan is weakened but should not be. She kept secret the existence of Mother and Brother for good reasons and only now reveals because they need any money they can get from the estate. She’s not crazy; the ghost of GGM does throw the knives -– intended as a warning for S to get out of there. H can’t see ghosts.

H disregards S’s warnings about brother. He should listen and be careful.

Trusts but should Not: H is attracted to brother’s wife. This is a mistake; she is not trustworthy but only wants to use him to get away from her violent husband.

Trusts to his death: H trusts the friendliness of brother. Drops his guard and is caught in the trap meant to kill him. H disregards S’s warnings about brother. H mistakenly thinks he can help mend the hostility between them.

3. Wendy. Doesn’t trust Susan but should. S to W “We have to stick together. We can survive this.” W doesn’t go to the aid of S when S calls for help from the basement. If W had gone to the basement to help S move H to the car they all would have survived. But because she stubbornly stood on the dark red stain in the hall under the old chandelier pulley, she got hanged by her husband, the murderous brother.

Wendy trusts H, but should not. W flirts with H and has some success in beguiling him. But he will Never leave S and is ashamed and sorry that he has hurt her with the flirtations.

—————————————————————————————-

4. Brother trusts no one. But he does listen to Mother’s torments and lets her drive a wedge between him and his sister.

———————– OUTLINE ————————-

OPENING: Lure us into the story and
introduce the lead character [villain] in action.
Twist:
Mother dresses for a party. She struts down the stairs to greet her
guests, but the house is empty and dark. She’s alone and no one is coming.

MOTHER in red dress and
diamonds. Struts thru the dark
empty house. She speaks to the life-size portrait, declaring her
intentions.
Villain’s plan:
She wants her children home and to stay forever with her in the
house as ghosts.
Twist: Dressed for a party, Mother
lays down on her bed and dies.
INCITING INCIDENT: An event that propels the Hero on
the Journey. Mother dies. Villain’s
plan: She dies – causing the estranged
children to come home for burial and estate closing.

Hero’s Life Threatening = After the simple burial, Susan (S) drives to the house, feels ominous. Many warnings: birds, trees, dark clouds swirl.

Mystery: She explains to her husband why she has kept the existence of Mother and Brother (B) secret all these years. And revealed now only because they need any money they can get from the estate.

T&B: Husband starts to distrust S because she has been dishonest about her family. He doesn’t ‘get it’ He doesn’t believe her. He thinks he can fix it. “No one abandons their family – you just don’t.”

Life Threatening: S warns that Brother is treacherous. Goals: survive the weekend.

T&B: S trusts her H with these secrets and her awful family history. ?Should she?

Life threatening marriage: ‘Don’t let this change us’ = risking her loving family relationships, her life-line to sanity by exposing H to this awful family.

Isolated house. Grounds have grown wild. Driveway rutted.

Tall dark weather-beaten house, in disrepair – what hazards?

Over sized chimney up one side. What is that for?

Crows caw a warning.

Twist (surprise): S is relieved that she and her husband arrive at the house first (there is no other car). But B is inside and blocks the door.

Life threatening: Brother blocks the door with his foot. Glares hostility at her. She expects it and pushes back. H doesn’t see this. (T&B) H believes the friendliness of B but shouldn’t.

Mystery: Dark stain in the floorboards below where chandelier fell. The pulley is still in the second floor ceiling. Brother warns with a grin.

Life Threatening: Many guns in various displays. Other weapons and taxidermized animals.

Life Threatening: S to kitchen. All knives are out and point directly at her. Twist: A minute later her husband goes to kitchen and all knives are in their places. How did (assumed) brother get them put away so fast??

They decide to burn all guns. S gathers the guns. H builds a fire in LR fireplace.

Life Threatening: S upstairs. B is in his room whittling a sharp tip on a long stick. Refuses to surrender his guns.

At top of stairs, S feels pushed and starts to fall. All guns fall and tumble all the way to the bottom – weird. Cut banister doesn’t give way this time.

Remove ammunition and throw all guns in the fire.

Mystery: S explains to H the violent criminal family history of the people in the portrait above the mantle. She mentions the witchcraft and burning at the stake. T&B: S reveals more than H can handle.

Villain’s Plan: Friday Lunch: all four sit around the table. Friction, life-long hostility between S & B, generated by Mother, is renewed.

TURNING POINT 1: A major twist that locks the hero into the conflict. Find the $10MM bank papers. S and husband decide to stay in the house and find the cash.

Point of no return: Cancel the motel reservation and stay in the house. Hero’s big mistake.

Trust but should not: S believes Mothers bank statements. Because S believes, the others believe without question. Because Mother hid them and S feels like she found them, she doesn’t question.

Villain’s Plan:

Mother created false bank statements indicating 10MM cash was withdrawn. She left this in the house for her children to find.

S goes thru the old, apparently, unopened mail in boxes stuck in corner of dining room.

Flashback: She remembers sadistic Mother birthday cake scene and moves to another chair. Even this memory doesn’t jar her to question Mother’s lure: S finds 10 withdrawals and a deposit from life insurance company.

MYSTERY: WHERE IS THE CASH??? H comes in she tells him about the bank statements. They will stay in the house and look for the cash.

They cancel the motel = POINT OF NO RETURN. THE BIG MISTAKE.

B overhears ( from kitchen) and feels slighted by S. [be sure rivalry between S& B is well set up] He’s sooo angry!!

(back stairs) B Tells his wife to find the cash and not tell S&H.

From upstairs railing, B eavesdrops on S & H in the dining room below, B imagines he swoops down and rips their throats out – he wants to be a vampire – powerful and skilled. He slides down the banister and slips into the basement. Black.

————————- end of Act 1 —————————–

Mystery: Act 2 starts with missing Father’s dried corpse falling thru the ceiling. – a torment for W perpetrated by Mother. Twist / Surprise: missing Father’s corpse falls thru the ceiling. Shifts focus temporarily away from finding cash. His life insurance is the source of the cash.

Life Threatening: S&B accuse each other of being involved in Father’s death.

B furious about the life insurance. “You weren’t going to tell me!”

S & B screaming fight in dining room.

Life Threatening of Marriage: Spouses H & W retreat from the fighting to the outside veranda. W entices H. (Maybe a chance to get away from B.) H is attracted to her. Good conversation. Trust but shouldn’t : H enticed by W who wants to use him to get away from her violent husband B. W shouldn’t trust H either because he won’t betray S beyond a little flirtation.

Mystery: Back inside the four discuss what to do with Father’s corpse. Burn or Bury? Risky to trust all 4 to not tell police. Not to involve police as that would delay settling the estate.

Trust: All four must trust the others; therefore everyone must be involved at the same level. They have to wait for the storm to pass. Risky.

H builds a cozy fire in LR. All gather. S brings whiskey and 4 glasses.

All four sit quietly after a long day.

Life Threatening Marriage: What S wants most of all is H’s love. S noticed that H is attracted to W; S has tears in the dark.

Mystery: Great Grandmother steps down from portrait – goes to kitchen – throws knives – S dreams.

Life Threatening: In a.m. S finds knives thrown into the wall. When H to kitchen a few minutes later, the knives are all put away – she feels crazy.

Mystery: Closet search uncovers mutilated toys from childhood. S cries.

Life Threatening Marriage: H betrays S. H & W rush off to the store leaving S there alone with B.

Villain Plan: Mother torments B and B torments S.

Villain’s Plan: Mother
bought a long (30ft) slim rope and stashed it in the pantry where one of
them would find it. It fits thru the pulley in the hall ceiling. B finds it. It’s colored like a
poisonous snake.

S escapes to the attic. Father caught in squirrel trap and froze and dried out. Mother’s ghost laughs – she heard him calling for help but turned down the furnace instead. S releases the corpse from the trap so it continues to fall into the bedroom below.

Villain’s Plan: Mother torments S and encourages rivalry with B.

Twist & Mystery: S finds newspaper article about a kidnapped girl age 4 – it could be her.

S retreats to her bedroom and prepares to leave. She feels betrayed by H interest in W.

Life Threatening Marriage: H returns from store – they got stuck and walked back in the rain – change clothes. S upset about his attraction to W. Difficult conversation.

Villain’s Plan: B & H to basement in search of cash. Mother’s set up the trap before she died: B finds a small amount $$ on top of a bear trap ready to spring. He’s cautious and leaves it as he finds it – ready to spring on someone else !! He prepares a gag to stifle any calls for help.

T&B: H trusts but shouldn’t B’s friendliness. He doesn’t respect S’s warning about B’s treachery.

Life Threatening Marriage: S & W go thru the kitchen for cash and something for lunch. S warns W to stay away from H. W agrees (denies and lies).

Life Threatening: They discuss how treacherous B is. W knows he’ll kill her someday.

Villain’s Plan: S agrees to help her. “He’s a killer, he needs killing.” S knows it’s risky to trust W to carry out anything clandestine. (trust but maybe shouldn’t – caution of set up, not to leave any clues for police).

MIDPOINT: (A major revelation. The opposition is 10 times worse than thought.)

Saturday Lunch: the four sit around the dining room table. Susan and Brian across: bristle with hostility. Villain’s Plan: Life Threatening: Silently S & B Declare war.

Life Threatening Marriage: Howard and Wendy across regret they didn’t get away; S furious but will deal with that later. B also sees the attraction between his wife and H.

Trust but should NOT: H & B friendly (fake). Throws S off. She doesn’t protect H from B. Villain’s Plan: Life Threatening Marriage: Brian and Howard return to the basement and Brian springs the bear trap on Howard, gagging him. Howard’s arm bleeds badly until he passes out.

Villain’s Plan: Meanwhile the women clean up the lunch (kitchen ) and start to plan the death of B. They go upstairs and in the bedroom notice the oil lamp close to the bed – they see how it could fall in and start a fire killing anyone asleep in the bed. They will help him sleep soundly with W’s pills in the whiskey. Tonight, before he can kill them.

Brian leaves H unconscious in the basement to bleed out. He burns the gag in the living room fireplace. Mystery and Villain’s Plan: B goes thru the room looking for cash.

Mystery: Under one rug he uncovers Grandmother’s witches circle and chuckles.

Mystery, Life Threatening: S & W upstairs: Where would Brian put the cash he found? In the room with Father’s corpse. Susan has the nerve to check, while W stands watch in the hallway. Life Threatening: Susan is startled by a hangman’s noose in a long slim rope – looks like a poisonous snake. She’s so startled by it she doesn’t think to take it to the fireplace or cut it up into small pieces, but quickly shuts the drawer and leaves the room.

Mystery: Father’s corpse (under a sheet) is stretched out comfortably and seems to be breathing.

They rush out of there and retreat downstairs to the kitchen. ‘Just a cup of tea.’

Villain’s plan: Secretly they crush the pills; Susan delivers to the open bottle of whiskey in the living room. Cautious – leave no evidence for police. “We need to burn that rope.”

Villain’s plan; Life Threatening: Meanwhile B goes upstairs and sets up his hangman’s noose in the pulley.

The women take tea into the dining room where the old bank papers are still in piles. Ten million is a ridiculous amount of life insurance. Susan looks carefully at the papers.

Villain’s Plan: They are forged. All fraud. There’s no money. Typical Mother trick. Susan is furious at herself for falling for it. (Trusted but shouldn’t have.)

TERROR: Where’s Howard? ! They haven’t seen the men since lunch. Susan runs into the basement calling. She finds Howard almost dead, stops the bleeding and tries to revive him. He’s too heavy for her to move. She needs to get him to medical help.

Life Threatening: Calling for Wendy to help; none! she gets no reply. Frustrated, Susan goes up stairs to get Wendy.

TERROR: Wendy is hanging from the hangman’s noose run through the pulley in the ceiling.

Susan sinks to her knees in despair of helping Howard – the most important thing to her. She cannot lose Howard.

TURNING POINT 2: Major setback. The lowest of the low. HOWARD BLEEDING OUT. Wendy hanged. ALL IS LOST. [ “Not Howard! Not Howard!” [Howard had sympathy and empathy for B. Wanted to help heal the conflict. H was a sincere friend to B. B had pretended to be friends with H. ] Heart wrenching: S didn’t protect H from B; she knew better. Despair.

———————————- end of Act 2 —————————————–

CLIMAX: The ultimate
expression of the main conflict (Mother’s orchestrated hatred between S
& B). Susan races up the stairs to kill Brian – she has no
weapon only her rage and her justification that he needs killing. Brian defends himself with his rifle.

· Suddenly Susan is energized. She rises up. Follows the rope to where Brian is standing at the banister upstairs. She charges up the stairs intent on killing him, freeing Wendy, and getting Howard to the car.

· Brian sees her coming and ducks into his room to retrieve the gun over his door. He comes to the top of the stairs just as Susan does and shoots her full in the chest. She flies over backwards and falls and falls until she crashes on the stairs and tumbles to the bottom.

· Villain’s Plan: B stands at the top of the stairs and laughs at his victory. He scurries down the back stairs into the living room.

· Life Threatening for B: Villain’s Plan: There’s the whiskey left from last night and his glass on the table. He pours the whiskey and gulps. Pours again and collapses into the chair by the fire, drinking. “It’s all mine now.”

Villain’s Plan victorious:

· Mother’s ghost stands at the top of the stairs. She laughs. She shimmies and prances down the stairs. She kicks S.

· Mother dances and laughs. She pours whiskey for the couple in the portrait and hands it up to them.

· She kicks B.

· “It’s so nice to have the house full of family again,” as she brings a glass of whiskey upstairs to Father.

· The storm passes. The Sun sets and the full moon rises.

Twist: H lives.
Howard climbs up from the basement – barely alive. He finds W and S
dead. Can he get his phone out of his pocket with his good arm? Call – any power? It’s ringing at 911. He sobs, sitting on the stairs next to S.

The End.

[Jamie Stegner]

Jamie Stegner — Twists

Concept: To compel her runaway brats to return home, nasty Mother dies. And to keep them home forever she hides a fortune in cash for them to fight over – fight to the death.

Structure: 3 Acts. Contained horror/thriller feature

OPENING: Lure us into the story and
introduce the lead character [villain]
in action.
Twist:
Mother dresses for a party. She struts down the stairs to greet her
guests, but the house is empty and dark. She’s alone and no one is coming.

MOTHER in red dress and
diamonds. Struts thru the dark
empty house. She speaks to the life-size portrait, declaring her
intentions.
Villain’s plan:
She wants her children home and to stay forever with her in the
house as ghosts.
<b class=””>Twist: Dressed for a party, Mother
lays down on her bed and dies.<b class=””>
INCITING INCIDENT: An event that propels the Hero on
the Journey. Mother dies. Villain’s
plan: She dies – causing the estranged
children to come home for burial and estate closing.

Hero’s Life Threatening = After the simple burial, Susan (S) drives to the house, feels ominous. Many warnings: birds, trees, dark clouds swirl.

Mystery: She explains to her husband why she has kept the existence of Mother and Brother (B) secret all these years. And revealed now only because they need any money they can get from the estate.

Life Threatening: Brother is treacherous. Goals: survive the weekend. ‘Don’t let this change us’ = risking her loving family relationships, her life-line to sanity.

Isolated house. Grounds have grown wild. Driveway rutted.

Tall dark weather-beaten house, in disrepair – what hazards?

Over sized chimney up one side. What is that for?

Crows caw a warning.

Twist (surprise): S is relieved that she and her husband arrive at the house first (there is no other car). But B is inside and blocks the door.

Life threatening: Brother blocks the door with his foot. Glares hostility at her. She expects it and pushes back.

Mystery: Dark stain in the floorboards below where chandelier fell. The pulley is still in the second floor ceiling. Brother warns with a grin.

Life Threatening: Many guns in various displays. Other weapons and taxidermized animals.

Life Threatening: S to kitchen. All knives are out and point directly at her. Twist: A minute later her husband goes to kitchen and all knives are in their places. How did (assumed) brother get them put away so fast??

Life Threatening: Wendy comes in from the store and sees ghost of Mother standing over S with the ax from firewood pile poised over S head, ready to strike her dead. Wendy picks up a gun and fires at the ghost, nearly hitting S. Ghost vanishes and W is astonished.

They decide to burn all guns. S & W gather the guns. H builds a fire in LR fireplace.

Life Threatening: S upstairs. B is in his room whittling a sharp tip on a long stick. Refuses to surrender his guns.

At top of stairs, S feels pushed and starts to fall. All guns fall and tumble all the way to the bottom – weird. Cut banister doesn’t give way this time.

Remove ammunition and throw all guns in the fire.

Mystery: S explains to H the violent criminal family history of the people in the portrait above the mantle. She mentions the witchcraft and burning at the stake.

Villain’s Plan: Lunch: all four sit around the table. Friction, life-long hostility between S & B, generated by Mother, is renewed.

TURNING POINT 1: A major twist that locks the
hero into the conflict. Find the $10MM bank papers. S and
husband decide to stay in the house and find the cash. Point of no return: Cancel the motel reservation and stay
in the house. Hero’s big
mistake.

Villain’s Plan: Mother created false bank statements indicating 10MM cash was withdrawn. She left this in the house for her children to find.

S goes thru the old, apparently, unopened mail in boxes stuck in corner of dining room.

She remembers sadistic Mother birthday cake scene and moves to another chair.

Mother’s Lure: She finds 10 withdrawals and deposit from life insurance company. MYSTERY: WHERE IS THE CASH??? H comes in she tells him about the bank statements. They will stay in the house and look for the cash.

They cancel the motel = POINT OF NO RETURN. THE BIG MISTAKE.

B overhears ( from kitchen) and feels slighted by S. [be sure rivalry between S& B is well set up] He’s sooo angry!!

(back stairs) B Tells his wife to find the cash and not tell S&H.

From upstairs railing, B eavesdrops on S & H, B imagines he swoops down and rips their throats out – he wants to be a vampire – powerful. He slides down the banister and slips into the basement. Black.

————————- end of Act 1 —————————–

Mystery: Act 2 begins big with Father falling thru the ceiling. – a torment for W perpetrated by Mother. Twist / Surprise: missing Father’s corpse falls thru the ceiling. Shifts focus temporarily away from finding cash. Life insurance is the source of the cash.

Life Threatening: S&B accuse each other of being involved in Father’s death.

B furious about the life insurance. “You weren’t going to tell me!”

S & B screaming fight in dining room.

Life Threatening of Marriage: Spouses H & W retreat outside to the veranda. Wendy entices H. Maybe a chance to get away from B. H is attracted to her. Good conversation.

Mystery: Back inside discuss what to do with Father’s corpse. Burn or Bury? Risky to trust all 4 to not tell police. Not to involve police as will delay settling the estate.

H build cozy fire in LR. All gather. S brings whiskey and 4 glasses.

All four sit quietly after a long day.

Life Threatening Marriage: What S wants most of all is H’s love. S noticed that H is attracted to W; S has tears in the dark.

Mystery: Great Grandmother steps down from portrait – to kitchen – throws knives – S dreams.

Life Threatening: In a.m. S finds knives thrown into the wall. When H to kit knives are all put away – she feels crazy.

Mystery: Closet search uncovers mutilated toys from childhood.

Life Threatening Marriage: H & W rush off to the store leaving S there alone with B.

Villain Plan: Mother torments B and B torments S.

Villain’s Plan: Mother
bought a long (30ft) slim rope and stashed it in the pantry where one of
them would find it. It fits thru the pulley in the hall ceiling. B finds it. It’s colored like a
poisonous snake.

S escapes to the attic. Father caught in squirrel trap and froze and dried out. Mother’s ghost laughs – she heard him calling for help but turned down the furnace instead. S releases the corpse from the trap so it continues to fall into the bedroom below.

Villain’s Plan: Mother torments S and encourages rivalry with B.

Twist & Mystery: S finds newspaper article about a kidnapped girl age 4 – it could be her.

S retreats to her bedroom and prepares to leave.

Life Threatening Marriage: H returns from store – they got stuck and walked back in the rain – change clothes. S upset about his attraction to W. Difficult conversation.

Villain’s Plan: B & H to basement in search of cash. Mother’s set up the trap before she died: B finds a small amount $$ on top of a bear trap ready to spring. He’s cautious and leaves it as he finds it – ready to spring on someone else !! He prepares a gag to stifle any calls for help.

Life Threatening Marriage: S & W go thru the kitchen for cash and something for lunch. S warns W to stay away from H. W agrees (lies).

Life Threatening: They discuss how treacherous B is. W knows he’ll kill her someday.

Villain’s Plan: S agrees to help her. “He’s a killer, he needs killing.” S knows it’s risky to trust W.

MIDPOINT: (A major revelation. The opposition
is 10 times worse than thought.)

· Lunch: the four sit around the dining room table. Susan and Brian across: bristle with hostility. Villain’s Plan: Life Threatening: Silently S & B Declare war.

· Life Threatening Marriage: Howard and Wendy across regret they didn’t get away; S furious but will deal with that later.

· H & B friendly. Throws S off. She doesn’t protect H from B.

· Villain’s Plan: Life Threatening Marriage: Brian and Howard return to the basement and Brian springs the bear trap on Howard, gagging him. Howard’s arm bleeds badly until he passes out.

· Villain’s Plan: Meanwhile the women have cleaned up the lunch (kitchen ) and started to plan the death of Brian. They go upstairs and in the bedroom notice the oil lamp close to the bed – they see how it could fall in and start a fire killing anyone asleep in the bed. They will help him sleep soundly with Wendy’s pills in the whiskey. Tonight, before he can kill them.

· Brian leaves H unconscious in the basement to bleed out. He burns the gag in the living room fireplace. Mystery and Villain’s Plan: B goes thru the room looking for cash.

· Mystery: Under one rug he uncovers Grandmother’s witches circle and chuckles.

· Mystery, Life Threatening: S & W upstairs: Where would Brian put the cash he found? In the room with Father’s corpse. Susan has the nerve to check, while Wendy watches in the hallway. Life Threatening: Susan is startled by a hangman’s noose in a long slim rope – looks like a poisonous snake. She’s so startled by it she doesn’t think to take it to the fireplace or cut it up into small pieces.

· They rush out of there and retreat downstairs to the kitchen. ‘Just a cup of tea.’

· Villain’s plan: Secretly they crush the pills; Susan delivers to the open bottle of whiskey in the living room. Cautious – leave no evidence for police. “We need to burn that rope.”

· Villain’s plan; Life Threatening: Meanwhile B goes upstairs and sets up his hangman’s noose in the pulley.

· The women take tea into the dining room where the old bank papers are still in piles. Ten million is a ridiculous amount of life insurance. Susan looks carefully at the papers.

· Villain’s Plan: They are forged. All fraud. There’s no money. Typical Mother trick. Susan is furious at herself for falling for it.

· TERROR: Where’s Howard? ! They haven’t seen the men since lunch. Susan runs into the basement calling. She finds Howard almost dead, stops the bleeding and tries to revive him. He’s too heavy for her to move. She needs to get him to medical help.

· Life Threatening: Calling for Wendy to help; none! she gets no reply. Frustrated, Susan goes up stairs to get Wendy.

· TERROR: Wendy is hanging from the hangman’s noose run through the pulley in the ceiling.

· Susan sinks to her knees in despair of helping Howard – the most important thing to her. She cannot lose Howard.

TURNING POINT 2: Major setback. The
lowest of the low. HOWARD BLEEDING OUT. Wendy hanged. ALL
IS LOST. [ “Not Howard. Not
Howard.” [Howard had sympathy and empathy for Brian. Wanted to help heal
the conflict. H was a sincere friend to B. B had pretended to be friends
with H. ] Heart wrenching: S didn’t
protect H from B; she knew better.

———————————- end of Act 2 —————————————–

CLIMAX: The ultimate
expression of the main conflict (Mother’s orchestrated hatred between S
& B). Susan races up the stairs to kill Brian – she has no
weapon only her rage and her justification that he needs killing. Brian defends himself with his rifle.

· Suddenly Susan is energized. She rises up. Follows the rope to where Brian is standing at the banister upstairs. She charges up the stairs intent on killing him, freeing Wendy, and getting Howard to the car.

· Brian sees her coming and ducks into his room to retrieve the gun over his door. He comes to the top of the stairs just as Susan does and shoots her full in the chest. She flies over backwards and falls and falls until she crashes on the stairs and tumbles to the bottom.

· Villain’s Plan: Brian stands at the top of the stairs and laughs at his victory. He scurries down the back stairs into the living room.

· Life Threatening for Brian: Villain’s Plan: There’s the whiskey left from last night and his glass on the table. He pours the whiskey and gulps. Pours again and collapses into the chair by the fire, drinking. “It’s all mine now.”

Villain’s Plan victorious:

· Mother’s ghost stands at the top of the stairs. She laughs. She shimmies and prances down the stairs. She kicks S.

· Mother dances and laughs. She pours whiskey for the couple in the portrait.

· She kicks B.

· “It’s so nice to have the house full of family again,” as she brings a glass of whiskey upstairs to Father.

· The storm passes. The Sun sets and the full moon rises.

Twist: H lives.
Howard climbs up from the basement – barely alive. He finds Wendy
and Susan dead. Can he get his phone out of his pocket? Call – any power? It’s ringing at 911. He sobs, sitting on the stairs next to
Susan.

The End.

[Jamie Stegner]

Jamie Stegner Intertwine Structure and M.I.S with Villain’s Plan for Thriller Plot

Concept: To compel her runaway brats to return home, nasty Mother dies. And to keep them home forever she hides a fortune in cash for them to fight over – fight to the death.

Structure: 3 Acts. Contained horror/thriller feature

OPENING: Lure us into the story and
introduce the lead character [villain]
in action. MOTHER
in red dress and diamonds. Struts
thru the dark empty house. She speaks to the life-size portrait,
declaring her intentions.
Villain’s plan:
She wants her children home and to stay forever with her in the
house as ghosts.
INCITING INCIDENT: An event that propels the Hero on
the Journey. Mother dies. Villain’s
plan: She dies – causing the estranged
children to come home for burial and estate closing.

Hero’s Life Threatening = After the simple burial, Susan (S) drives to the house, feels ominous. Many warnings: birds, trees, dark clouds swirl.

Mystery: She explains to her husband why she has kept the existence of Mother and Brother (B) secret all these years. And revealed now only because they need any money they can get from the estate.

Life Threatening: Brother is treacherous. Goals: survive the weekend. ‘Don’t let this change us’ = risking her loving family relationships, her life-line to sanity.

Isolated house. Grounds have grown wild. Driveway rutted.

Tall dark weather-beaten house, in disrepair – what hazards?

Over sized chimney up one side. What is that for?

Crows caw a warning.

Life threatening: Brother blocks the door with his foot. Glares hostility at her. She expects it and pushes back.

Mystery: Dark stain in the floorboards below where chandalier fell. The pulley is still in the second floor ceiling. Brother warns with a grin.

Life Threatening: Many guns in various displays. Other weapons and taxidermized animals.

Life Threatening: S to kitchen. All knives are out and point directly at her. A minute later her husband comes and all knives are in their place. How did (assumed) brother get them put away so fast??

Life Threatening: Wendy comes in from the store and sees ghost of Mother standing over S with the hachet from firewood pile poised over S head, ready to strike her dead. Wendy picks up a gun and fires at the ghost, nearly hitting S. Ghost vanishes and W is astonished.

They decide to burn all guns. S & W gather the guns. H builds a fire in LR fireplace.

Life Threatening: S upstairs. B is in his room whittling a sharp tip on a long stick. Refuses to surrender his guns.

At top of stairs, S feels pushed and starts to fall. All guns fall and tumble all the way to the bottom – weird. Cut banister doesn’t give way this time.

Remove ammunition and throw all guns in the fire.

Mystery: S explains to H the violent criminal family history of the people in the portrait above the mantle. She mentions the witchcraft and burning at the stake.

Villain’s Plan: Lunch: all four sit around the table. Friction, life-long hostility between S & B, generated by Mother, is renewed.

Mother’s plan Cover-up: REVEALED GRADUALLY as discovered by the characters.

TURNING POINT 1: A major twist that locks the
hero into the conflict. Find the $10MM bank papers. S and
husband decide to stay in the house and find the cash. Point of no return: Cancel the motel reservation and stay
in the house. Hero’s big
mistake.

Villain’s Plan:

Mother created false bank statements indicating 10MM cash was withdrawn. She left this in the house for her children to find.

S goes thru the old, apparently, unopened mail in boxes stuck in corner of dining room.

She remembers sadistic Mother birthday cake scene and moves to another chair.

Mother’s Lure: She finds 10 withdrawals and deposit from life insurance company. MYSTERY: WHERE IS THE CASH??? H comes in she tells him about the bank statements. They will stay in the house and look for the cash.

They cancel the motel = POINT OF NO RETURN. THE BIG MISTAKE.

B overhears ( from kitchen) and feels slighted by S. [be sure rivalry between S& B is well set up] He’s sooo angry!!

(back stairs) B Tells his wife to find the cash and not tell S&H. From upstairs railing, B eavesdrops on S & H, B imagines he swoops down and rips their throats out – he wants to be a vampire – powerful. He slithers down the banister and slips into the basement. Black.

————————- end of Act 1 —————————–

Mystery: Act 2 begins big with Father falling thru the ceiling. – a torment for W perpetrated by Mother.

Life Threatening: S&B accuse each other of being involved in Father’s death.

B furious about the life insurance. “You weren’t going to tell me!”

S & B screaming fight in dining room.

Life Threatening of Marriage: Spouses H & W retreat outside to the veranda. Wendy entices H. Maybe a chance to get away from B. H is attracted to her. Good conversation.

Mystery: Back inside discuss what to do with Father’s corpse. Burn or Bury? Risky to trust all 4 to not tell police. Not to involve police as will delay settling the estate.

no

H build cozy fire in LR. All gather. S brings whiskey and 4 glasses.

All four sit quietly after a long day.

Life Threatening Marriage: What S wants most of all is H’s love. S noticed that H is attracted to W; S has tears in the dark.

Mystery: Great Grandmother steps down from portrait – to kitchen – throws knives – S dreams.

Life Threatening: In a.m. S finds knives thrown into the wall. When H to kit knives are all put away – she feels crazy.

Mystery: Closet search uncovers mutilated toys from childhood.

Life Threatening Marriage: H & W rush off to the store leaving S there alone with B.

Villain Plan: Mother torments B and B torments S.

Villain’s Plan: Mother
bought a long (30ft) slim rope and stashed it in the pantry where one of
them would find it. It fits thru the pulley in the hall ceiling. B finds. It’s colored like a poisonous
snake.

S escapes to the attic. Father caught in squirrel trap and froze and dried out. Mother’s ghost laughs – she heard him calling for help but turned down the furnace instead. S releases the corpse from the trap so it continues to fall into the bedroom below.

Villain’s Plan: Mother torments S and encourages rivalry with B.

Mystery: S finds newspaper article about a kidnapped girl age 4 – it could be her.

S retreats to her bedroom and prepares to leave.

Life Threatening Marriage: H returns from store – they got stuck and walked back in the rain – change clothes. S upset about his attraction to W. Difficult conversation.

Villain’s Plan: B & H to basement in search of cash.

Mother’s set up the trap before she died:

B finds a small amount $$ on top of a bear trap ready to spring. He’s cautious and leaves it as he finds it – ready to spring on someone else !! He prepares a gag to stifle any calls for help.

Life Threatening Marriage: S & W go thru the kitchen for cash and something for lunch. S warns W to stay away from H. She agrees (lies).

Life Threatening: They discuss how treacherous B is. W knows he’ll kill her someday.

Villain’s Plan: S agrees to help her. “He’s a killer, he needs killing.” S knows it’s risky to trust W.

MIDPOINT: (A major revelation. The opposition
is 10 times worse than thought.)

· Lunch: the four sit around the dining room table. Susan and Brian across: bristle with hostility. Villain’s Plan: Life Threatening: Silently S & B Declare war.

· Life Threatening Marriage: Howard and Wendy across regret they didn’t get away; S furious but will deal with that later.

· H & B friendly. Throws S off. She doesn’t protect H from B.

· Villain’s Plan: Life Threatening Marriage: Brian and Howard return to the basement and Brian springs the bear trap on Howard, gagging him. Howard’s arm bleeds badly until he passes out.

· Villain’s Plan: Meanwhile the women have cleaned up the lunch (kitchen ) and started to plan the death of Brian. They go upstairs and in the bedroom notice the oil lamp close to the bed – they see how it could fall in and start a fire killing anyone asleep in the bed. They will help him sleep soundly with Wendy’s pills in the whiskey. Tonight, before he can kill them.

· Brian leaves H there in the basement to bleed out. He burns the gag in the living room fireplace. Mystery and Villain’s Plan: B goes thru the room looking for cash.

· Mystery: Under one rug he uncovers Grandmother’s witches circle and chuckles.

· Mystery, Life Threatening: S & W upstairs: Where would Brian put the cash he found? In the room with Father’s corpse. Susan has the nerve to check, while Wendy watches in the hallway. Life Threatening: Susan is startled by a hangman’s noose in a long slim rope – looks like a poisonous snake. She’s so startled by it she doesn’t think to take it to the fireplace or cut it up into small pieces.

· They rush out of there and retreat downstairs to the kitchen. ‘Just a cup of tea.’

· Villain’s plan: Secretly they crush the pills; Susan delivers to the open bottle of whiskey in the living room. Cautious – leave no evidence for police. “We need to burn that rope.”

· Villain’s plan; Life Threatening: Meanwhile B goes upstairs and sets up his hangman’s noose in the pulley.

· The women take tea into the dining room where the old bank papers are still in piles. Ten million is a ridiculous amount of life insurance. Susan looks carefully at the papers.

· Villain’s Plan: They are forged. All fraud. There’s no money. Typical Mother trick. Susan is furious at herself for falling for it.

· TERROR: Where’s Howard? ! They haven’t seen the men since lunch. Susan runs into the basement calling. She finds Howard almost dead, stops the bleeding and tries to revive him. He’s too heavy for her to move. She needs to get him to medical help.

· Life Threatening: Calling for Wendy to help; none! she gets no reply. Frustrated, Susan goes up stairs to get Wendy.

· TERROR: Wendy is hanging from the hangman’s noose run through the pulley in the ceiling.

· Susan sinks to her knees in despair of helping Howard – the most important thing to her. She cannot lose Howard.

TURNING POINT 2: Major setback. The
lowest of the low. HOWARD BLEEDING OUT. Wendy hanged. ALL
IS LOST. [ “Not Howard. Not
Howard.” [Howard had sympathy and empathy for Brian. Wanted to help heal
the conflict. H was a sincere friend to B. B had pretended to be friends
with H. ] Heart wrenching: S didn’t
protect H from B; she knew better.

———————————- end of Act 2 —————————————–

CLIMAX: The ultimate
expression of the main conflict (Mother’s orchestrated hatred between S
& B). Susan races up the stairs to kill Brian – she has no
weapon only her rage and her justification that he needs killing. Brian defends himself with his rifle.

· Suddenly Susan is energized. She rises up. Follows the rope to where Brian is standing at the banister upstairs. She charges up the stairs intent on killing him, freeing Wendy, and getting Howard to the car.

· Brian sees her coming and ducks into his room to retrieve the gun over his door. He comes to the top of the stairs just as Susan does and shoots her full in the chest. She flies over backwards and falls and falls until she crashes on the stairs and tumbles to the bottom.

· Villain’s Plan: Brian stands at the top of the stairs and laughs at his victory. He scurries down the back stairs into the living room.

· Life Threatening for Brian: Villain’s Plan: There’s the whiskey left from last night and his glass on the table. He pours the whiskey and gulps. Pours again and collapses into the chair by the fire, drinking.

Villain’s Plan victorious:

· Mother’s ghost stands at the top of the stairs. She laughs. She shimmies and prances down the stairs. She kicks S.

· Mother dances and laughs. She pours whiskey for the couple in the portrait.

· She kicks B.

· “It’s so nice to have the house full of family again.” As she brings a glass of whiskey upstairs to Father.

· The storm passes. The Sun sets and the full moon rises.

Howard climbs up from the basement
– barely alive. He finds Wendy and Susan dead. Can he get his phone out of
his pocket? Call – any power? It’s ringing at 911. He sobs, sitting on the stairs next to
Susan.

The End.

[Jamie Stegner]

Jamie Stegner Life Threatening Sequence

What I learned: My villain and her assistant are pretty bad. The hero’s suspicions magnify the actual events and her plan to retaliate in self-defense create more life threatening events for the villain.

Life Threatening Sequence for the Hero

Susan’s Life Threatening sequence

Return to icky house and sadistic mother. Unknown dangers. House falling apart? Mother’s booby traps? Father missing – where? Father’s traps on the grounds.

Brother treacherous over inheritance? Won’t want to share.

Threat of regression into horror of childhood.

Threat to lose husband because of her secret now revealed. He won’t understand and forgive her.

Isolated – driving down a narrow tree-lined road. No other buildings. No other cars in either direction.

Bird swoops. Threat of approaching storm. Wind picks up. Clouds swirl.

Driveway in disrepair. Rutted gravel. Narrow. Is this the exit??

House view: tall dark, in need of repairs. Weather beaten.

Over-sized chimney standing tall above the house – for what purpose?

Crows caw a warning.

Brother blocks the door with his foot – hostile. But relents.

Chandelier fell – dark stain in the floor boards. Pulley remains in the second floor ceiling.

Many guns around the house. Some in cases like art. Snarling texidermied animals on the walls and sideboard.

Susan to kitchen for beverage: all knives are out on the counters and floor pointing directly at her. She ignores it assuming it was brother. Tells husband who comes a minute later and all knives are astonishingly in their places. Susan is freaked!

ADD Wife Wendy comes in from the store. Mother stands near Susan with hatchet (wood for fireplace) above her head. Wendy picks up nearby gun and would shoot in Susan’s direction. H doesn’t see the ghost.

Howard wants to burn the guns. Susan collects from around the house. Her brother is whittling a sharp point on a long stick.

Coming down stairs she feels pushed and almost falls. Drops all the guns that fall all the way down to the bottom (strange).

Burning the guns in the fireplace. Portrait above: Susan tells Howard (and Wendy) her family history of crime and violence. One son married a witch and the grandparents burned them both at the stake in the back yard, but not before she conjured a wife for her son – Susan and Brian’s ‘parents’.

Lunch: friction between Susan and Brian. Sell or not the house. Hostility.

Susan sorts old mail. Susan remember incident at this table of sadistic Mother. Finds bank reports of $10mm withdrawn as cash. LURE her into staying in the house, cancelling motel. Pt of no return.

Brian overhears about $10MM and feels slighted. Tells his wife.

Wendy goes thru closet – Father’s corpse falls thru the ceiling from the attic. Why did he die up there?

Brian accuses Susan of not telling about the money. Susan accuses Brian = yelling fight. Life- long hatred.

Spouses retreat to veranda -– fall in love. What Susan dreaded most -– losing Howard over this secret. But they need the money so she took a chance on the inheritance.

Discuss what to do with Father. Bury secretly and forget it? Won’t be able to dig in very wet ground. Burn his corpse – no dry wood after this storm. All four must agree and never tell. Risky. Don’t want to call police because it will reopen his missing person case and delay closing the estate. Everybody on edge.

Whiskey around the fireplace. Four sit quietly after a long day. Storm building outside.

LATER: Great GrandMother steps down from the portrait and hands whiskey up to Gread Grandfather. Growls at Wendy sleeping on couch. She goes to kitchen and throws knives. Disturbs Susan’s sleep.

Susan finds the knives thrown into the wall. But when Howard comes a few minutes later, they are all in their place. She feels crazy.

Closet search – no money but teddy bear with eyes burned out. Other toys with evidence of torture and misadventures.

Howard and Wendy rush off to the store leaving Susan there alone with Brian. Susan sees the attraction between them and is crushed.

Mother’s ghost whispers to Brian, who threatens Susan. She slips quietly up into the attic.

Father’s corpse is half-way in / out of the attic. His arm is caught in one of his squirrel traps; he couldn’t open it with one hand. It’s nailed to the floor. He must have died of the cold. Susan releases the trap and he falls the rest of the way thru the floor into the bedroom below. His dry skin and clothing holding the bones together.

Mother’s ghost harasses her but she not much bothered. She’s had lots of therapy to deal with this. She’s prepared to talk back. Still it’s sickening.

Susan looks around the attic. She doesn’t find any cash but an old photo album contains a newspaper clipping of a missing 4-yr old girl, snatched from a public event. The photo could be Susan. Mother screeches “give me that!!“. Susan secure it and retreats to her bedroom downstairs.

In her bedroom, Susan starts to pack to leave. She reads the news clipping more carefully. “This explains a lot.”

Howard and Wendy get stuck in the mud of the driveway and walk back to the house. Howard comes in the bedroom wet and changes clothes. He and Susan have difficult talk about Wendy and how he left in such a hurry. The car blocks the exit now. “I can get out.” Susan says. H nods knowing she’s capable. (Susan the warrior)

The two men go into the basement to look for the cash. Brain finds some but it’s on top of a bear trap set to spring. He leaves it as he found it – to spring on someone else. He prepares a gag to stifle any calls for help. Who will he catch?

The two women go thru the kitchen looking for cash and something to eat. Susan threatens Wendy – to leave Howard alone. She pretends to agree.

They discuss how nasty Brian is. Wendy is afraid of him – knows he will kill her someday. They agree he needs to die, but it must look like an accident. Can Wendy keep quiet and carry out a plan? Probably not, Susan thinks she’s an idiot. Susan expects Brian to try to kill her.

Lunch: the four sit around the dining room table. Susan and Brian across: bristle with hostility. Howard and Wendy across regret they didn’t get away.

Brian and Howard return to the basement and Brian springs the bear trap on Howard, gagging him. Howard’s arm bleeds badly until he passes out. Brian leaves him there to bleed out. He burns the gag in the living room fireplace and goes thru the room looking for cash. Under one rug he uncovers Grandmother’s witches circle and chuckles.

Meanwhile the women have cleaned up the lunch and started to plan the death of Brian. They go upstairs and in the bedroom notice the oil lamp close to the bed – they see how it could fall in and start a fire killing anyone asleep in the bed. They will help him sleep soundly with Wendy’s pills in the whiskey. Tonight, before he can kill them.

Where would Brian put the cash he found? In the room with Father’s corpse probably. Susan has the nerve to check, while Wendy watches in the hallway. Susan is startled by a hangman’s noose in a long slim rope. They rush out of there and retreat downstairs to the kitchen. Just a cup of tea. And secretly they crush the pills. Susan delivers to the open bottle of whiskey in the living room.

The women take tea into the dining room where the old mail bank papers are still in piles. Ten million is a ridiculous amount of life insurance. Susan looks carefully at the papers. They are forged. All fraud. There’s no money. Typical Mother trick. Susan is furious at herself for falling for it.

Where’s Howard? ! They haven’t seen the men since lunch. Susan runs into the basement calling. She finds Howard almost dead, stops the bleeding and tries to revive him. He’s too heavy for her to move. She needs to get him to medical help. Calling for Wendy to help, she gets no reply. Frustrated, Susan goes up stairs to get Wendy.

Wendy is hanging from the hangman’s noose run through the pulley in the ceiling. Susan sinks to her knees in despair of helping Howard – the most important thing to her. She cannot lose Howard.

Suddenly Susan is energized. She rises up. Follows the rope to where Brian is standing at the banister upstairs. She charges up the stairs intent on killing him, freeing Wendy, and getting Howard to the car.

Brian sees her coming and ducks into his room to retrieve the gun over his door. He comes to the top of the stairs just as Susan does and shoots her full in the chest. She flies over backwards and falls and falls until she crashes on the stairs and falls to the bottom.

Brian stands at the top of the stairs and laughs at his victory. He scurries down the back stairs into the living room. There’s the whiskey left from last night and his glass on the table. He pours the whiskey and gulps. Pours again and collapses into the chair, drinking.

Mother’s ghost stands at the top of the stairs. She laughs. She shimmies and prances down the stairs.

Mother dances and laughs.

“It’s so nice to have the house full of family again.” As she brings a glass of whiskey upstairs to Father.

The storm passes. The Sun sets and the full moon rises.

Howard struggles to get to the top of the basement stairs. Wendy is hanging from the Pulley. Susan is at the bottom of the stairs. Howard sits down next to Susan. With his good arm he’s able to get his cell phone out of his pocket. He calls 911 it’s ringing. He weeps.

[Jamie Stegner]

Jamie Stegner Mystery Sequence

What I learned is: Doing small steps at a time will get it done and get it more complicated for the audience than trying to craft it as one piece. The ending is most important – be sure it’s strong.

Create your mystery sequence. Give us the answer to these questions.

What is the big secret that the
Villain is covering up?

Mother has falsified financial papers to look like she received $10MM. She left the papers in the house where her children will find them. They will fight over the money, assuming that she hid it in the house or gave it to the other sibling. Each sibling suspects the other of getting the money from Mother before she died and not sharing it.

Mother’s false documents will only hold up until S can get to the bank to check and enquire about how she took the cash and do they have any info about what she did with it? Was there anyone with her? Etc. The bank personnel will immediately recognize the forgery, esp for such a large amount. S will see it herself when she’s in the sunlight.

For the purposes of our story, which takes place over a weekend, this won’t matter. Mother’s plan serves its purpose well for the time of your story – a day and a half. Mother’s purpose is to have the children kill each other and stay in the house with her forever. She has built this hatred between them all their lives.

How many ways can Mother cover
that secret? Those
become the mysteries. The
children and their spouses search the house, nooks and crannies, lift rugs
to examine floor boards, empty closets and cupboards. They come across many
family secrets but not cash. 1. Father’s corpse falls thru the ceiling
from the attic. The roof is leaking and the floor / ceiling rotted. How
did he die in the attic that no one knew?
2. S may have been snatched at age four. Mother is not a mother at
all. Same for B? yes. <div>

The first mystery must engage the
Hero into solving it. Hero S wants the money to quietly settle a law suit
at home. It’s important to save both their careers and their financial
status. She must find the money before the other sibling does because she
knows from experience that he won’t share. `

Sequence the mysteries so that each
one leads us to the next one.

a. S finds the (false) bank papers and believes there’s a lot of cash hidden in the house. B overhears her tell her husband and is furious that she didn’t tell him. He tells his wife, setting up a rivalry to find the cash before the others do.

b. Father falls thru the ceiling onto the wife. Horrifying! How did he die in the attic? Who locked him up there to freeze in the cold winter? Why didn’t Mother find him when he went missing? S accuses B. B accuses S. (yelling)

c. Spouses retreat from the inside fight to the veranda as the terrible thunder storm approaches. Will they fall in love? Will their spouses see that they are attracted to each other? What rage will that inspire?

d. S goes up in the attic to find out how Father died and why he’s falling thru the ceiling now. While there she finds an old photo album with a news article about a snatched girl age four. The photo could be her. “This explains a lot.”

e. The spouses have gone off to the store and are stuck in the mud of the heavy rain storm. Will they fall in love? Will they return to the spooky old house and the fighting siblings?

f. Each sibling makes friends with the other’s spouse as they explore the house for the cash. Plans to kill the other fall into place. Will B enact his plan to kill S? Will S be able to kill B before he kills her? Of course all killing has to look like an accident to avoid police entanglement.

Include ONE Red Herring mystery if you can. As S and B continue to search for the cash, each becomes increasingly frustrated with not finding any. They suspect each other of finding and re-hiding to keep the cash for themselves. Each becomes a Red Herring for the other as nobody suspects Mother’s trick. (yet).

Create a Mystery Chain for each
main mystery. </div><div>

To B, S looks guilty of stealing the money
because:

1. She’s an accountant and knows how to manipulate financial accounts.

2. She and her husband need the money for their problem at home. She’ll feel she deserves it because of the current misfortune.

3. She’s always been a “nasty bitch” and Mother’s favorite.

b. To S, B looks guilty because:

1. He’s always been a thief and murderer.

2. He always been Mother’s favorite.

3. He’s sly and treacherous.

4. S thinks he feels he deserves the money because S and H are well off.

c. Father fell thru the ceiling from the attic after being missing for 9 years because:

1. Mother left him up there to freeze. His corpse dried out and didn’t rot.

2. After years of leaky roof – probably why he went up there – the floor and ceiling are rotten.

3. He couldn’t get out because he was trapped in one of his squirrel traps, nailed to the floor. Mother’s ghost admits she heard him call for help but she turned down the furnace instead.

</div>

[Jamie Stegner]

Jamie Stegner Villain has a great plan.

What I learned : Developing the Villain’s plan first gives the story a spine. This is the driving force. The Villain must have their way. She is set up in advance and is powerful to carry it out. Invincible.

If the Hero will win this battle they will have to survive Hell and go above and beyond anything they ever imagined. .

To create your Villain’s plan, answer these four questions:

What is the end goal?
Mother wants her children to come home and stay home with her — all
ghosts together in the house forever.

How can the Villain accomplish
that in a devious way? Entice them to come home :
die and need burying. Keep them home
by seemingly hiding cash that they must find.
How can they cover it up?
Falsify the bank records.
Sequence it to make it as
intriguing as possible. Mother sets traps and
entices the children to turn on each other and kill each other.

1. Mother sets of the false account records by cut/ paste and Xerox very carefully. She makes it look like she took out $1 million in cash every month for the past 10 months. This leaves the mystery: What did she do with it? Where did she hide it? Each child has a personal reason for needing the money now.

2. Mother cut the banister of the main stairs with a fine saw and left just a lttle – to top — to look like it’s still intact. She left it to break pretty easily and leave a sharp spindle to get impaled on. Anyone who stumbles on the stairs and leans heavily on the banister will break it and become impaled. – a long slow death if help is not at hand.

3. In the basement she set a bear trap to spring with little pressure. She placed a small amount of cash there to entice and set off the spring which will imprison you and damage your arm. You will bleed-out and die if you are not able to summon help.

4. Mother set the electric to give a big shock when you turn on the light at the top of the attic stairs. And the step at the top of the attic steps is loose and will throw you down to knock your head against the door at the bottom. If you don’t break your neck, still, no one will find you laying there unconscious.

Mother has set many similar traps. Once the children have found the (false) bank accounts and decided to stay in the house and find the money, she will be able to play on their childhood rivalries and hatreds. She can inspire them to kill each other, each will feel that the other deserves it. Then the house will be “full of family again.”

[Jamie Stegner]

Thriller Class Lesson 4– BASIC INSTINCT

Jamie Stegner

What I learned: Keeping the MIS coming with such intensity takes careful planning. It’s one thing to track it in this movie, but writing it on a blank sheet will be something else. I look forward to the lessons.

I can see that designing each MIS as separate threads and then braiding them together for a story will yield an exciting result. Every character adds tension, every scene is full. There is nothing extraneous. There’s no let up. The story drives in a straight line forward from start to finish.

I’m not completely clear on the difference between Mystery, Intrigue, and Suspense. But maybe it doesn’t matter. Mystery to me is the question. Two or three of the WWWWWH are missing from an important event. Who killed Johnny? And why? It must be solved; search for the answer. It could be X. It could be Y. Maybe Z did it. We worry that Nick may be the next victim because he’s vulnerable to sexy women; Catherine is teasing him; Beth is also wanting a relationship and is probably jealous of Nick’s fascination with Catherine. A dynamic triangle as we find out later that Catherine and Beth have been involved in the past.

Intrigue is the curiosity, quirks, fascinating details, how / why? Catherine seems to be laughing at the police procedure. Nick seems willing to be murdered by her; leaves himself open to it. He has guilt for the multiple killings as a cop.

Suspense is who will win? We might know a lot but not the final result. Will A kill B and get away with it? Or will B kill A in self-defense? Suspense is maintained thru the continuous chase and escape ‘til the climax and end. Catherine loves ice picks and Nick is determine to ‘nail’ her.

Most important in a thriller is the Villain’s plan, in place before the story starts. Catherine provokes Beth (Lisa Hoberman). She knows that Beth is stalking her and she maintains the dangerous connection to use Beth in some way. She writes novels: instruction manuals on how to commit murder. Catherine has somehow inspired Beth to kill Johnny; Beth has no motive of her own, except to implicate Catherine.

Catherine has been collecting material about Nick for years – since he shot the tourists at least. She got his file from IA Nilsen as research for her novel. Now Nick steps into it unaware.

The Villain is powerful, devious, determined. Catherine collects killers. Beth has killed her husband by drive-by shooting. Hazel killed her entire family on a whim. Roxy sliced her two little brothers. Now she’s after “shooter” Nick who has killed several people as a cop. She lies well, we can never tell if she is or isn’t. She laughs easily; it’s all a game. She doesn’t take any of it seriously. Even when she cries for Roxy’s death, there’s a tiny bit of doubt of the sincerity – a show.

The Hero, Nick, will learn and grow into a worthy adversary (maybe). In Basic Instinct Nick’s defense against Catherine is that he loves her. She’s capable and prepared to kill him with the ice pick. He doesn’t care – ‘go ahead and kill me if you want to.’ He doesn’t say that, but he’s vulnerable to her – that’s his weapon. She decides that she doesn’t want to lose him. Nick is a worthy adversary of Beth. He figures her out; she commits suicide by cop, but now he has killed another unarmed person.

[Jamie Stegner]

Jamie Stegner World and Characters M. I. S.

What I learned: The Thriller conventions enhance the horror. They were there to some extent but bringing the Thriller aspects to the top strengthens the story.

1. Logline: To compel her runaway brats to return home, nasty Mother dies. And to keep them home forever she hides a fortune in cash for them to fight over – fight to the death.

Mystery: Where is the cash hidden? What did Mother do with it?

Intrigue: Dark old house with many nooks and crannies, basement and attic. Life-long hatred of brother and sister – encouraged by Mother. Criminal past of the family apparent in the weapons displayed, photo portraits with gangsters. Father who disappeared found dead in the attic. Clipping of an abducted girl found in old photo album. Was a boy ‘lost’ too? Terrible storm beats on the house and muddies the driveway impassable.

Suspense: Who will survive the weekend? Who will find the cash?

2. World: Dark old house built on a cliff over a Great Lake during Prohibition for smuggling whiskey from Canada. Isolated by forest. Estranged sister and brother come home to bury Mother and settle the estate. Terrible storm isolates them in the house for the weekend.

3. Characters: Sister: Mystery: Why has she kept the existence of her Mother and brother secret from her husband? She doesn’t want to return but they need any money from the estate. Intrigue: Memories of terrible childhood. Finds news article about snatched 4 yr old girl –photo: it could be her. Secret motive: last chance to kill her murderer brother. How can she kill her brother and make it look like an accident? Bank letters indicate Mother received 10MM from Father’s life insurance and withdrew it all. Where did Mother hide the cash? Suspense: Will her marriage survive the reveal of this big secret? Will she survive the weekend? Will her plan to kill brother succeed? Will she find the cash? Brother: Mystery: Will he find the cash before sister does? Intrigue: What will he do with the sharp point he’s whittling? What will he do with the hangman’s noose he’s making with a very long slim rope? He re-hid the small amount of cash and bear trap he found; who will he spring it on? His old vampire costume resurfaces. He has extensive collection of guns and awful knives. His room has taxidermied snarling animals. Mother: Her plan to have the sister and brother fight over the 10MM is in place. She compels their return home with her death. They will kill each other and remain in the house with her forever.

[Jamie Stegner]

Jamie Stegner. Big M.I.S.

What I learned doing this assignment is that the conventions work.

Genre: Horror thriller contained feature.

Logline: To compel her runaway brats to return home nasty Mother dies. And to keep them home forever she hides a fortune in cash for them to fight over – a fight to the death

Villain: Mother, a sadistic narcissist who torments her children and pit them against each other. Now she’s lives in the old house all alone, estranged from everyone. She has set a trap: She has left paperwork indicating that she received 10 million dollars for life insurance for their father, but none of it is in the bank. What did she do with it? She deliberately dies; them must come home to settle the estate.

Hero is her daughter Susan who comes home to bury her Mother and finds the paperwork about the $10MM. She unwittingly decides to stay in the house and find it. She and her husband need the funds to settle a law suit that threatens both their careers. She’s smart and knows Brian’s treachery. She has overcome Mother’s tactics and psychological games –- she can resist her. As clues of his plans to kill her are revealed she becomes more convinced that she must kill him first.

The Villain’s assistant is Mother’s son Brian who delights in killing. He is still vulnerable to Mother’s manipulations.

High stakes: Susan and Brian are willing to kill each other. In both their life situations $10MM is worth killing for. Of course it has to look like an accident to evade the police.

Mystery: What did Mother do with the $10MM? Where did she hide it?

Intrigue: Brian prepares to kill Susan: a hangman’s noose, a bear trap, a sharp tipped stick. Susan will poison the whiskey, an oil lamp might fall into his bed. Searching for the money they find relics of the past: teddy bear with eyes burned out, Dracula costume and fangs, weapons, taxidermied animals.

Suspense: Will either Susan or Brian survive? If Mother has her way they will remain with her — ghosts stuck in the old house forever.

This story is thrilling because both sister and
brother are determined to kill the other. Childhood grievances are renewed, current situation
could spring death at any moment. The
horror conventions contribute:
isolation, no escape, confined to the house by raging storm, no help is
coming, supernatural beings, father’s corpse, kitchen knives, ghosts.

[Jamie Stegner]

BARBARIAN 2022 is a horror thriller. Written and Directed by Zach Cregger. Budget 4.5MM Box Office 45MM. Rated R (for ickiness!)

The Villain’s plan has been in place a long time. The original home owner imprisoned women in the basement and impregnated them and then their children for several generations. The secret basements in this once middle- class neighborhood are carefully hidden. He’s now elderly and bedridden with one remaining daughter who lives in the underground secret tunnels. All she wants is her baby. She prowls by night and has taken over the active Villain role.

The current owner is unwitting but not a hero. He rents the house as an AirB&B and is totally ignorant of the situation in the secret basements.

The Heroine is Tess who unwittingly comes to this house which is now an AirB&B. She is not particularly skilled or talented in self-defense. Her one saving virtue is compassion for the crazy monster daughter. Her understanding and lack of fighting extends her life until she can shoot her dead.

After a somewhat slow start, the tension steadily mounts, the mystery deepens, the stakes are high – life/death. It’s gripping, non-stop to the climax.

It’s thrilling because: dark night, pouring rain, strange city, woman traveling alone. Basements are always scary. Ordinary people – it could be me finding secret underground rooms and passages.

Initial Mystery: There’s already someone, Keith, in her reserved AirB&B who has the same reservation (he’s nice and the thrill is delayed for a potential romance? a misdirection? A red herring mystery – why are there two reservations for the same place / who is this guy?

The real Mystery is what’s going on, or did go on, in the secret rooms and tunnels. Where do they go? What are the cages for? Who or What killed Keith? We find out from a man who is surviving on the edge in the abandoned neighborhood.

Intrigue: The characters are not particularly intriguing. They are all pretty straight forward who they are.

Suspense: Will Tess be able to escape the daughter despite her compulsion to go back to help everyone else?

What I learned:
Start faster. If not watching for the assignment I might have switched
to something else. The filmmakers could have increased intrigue
of layers and complexity of the characters and had less repetition of going
down into the secret tunnels. Avoid
repetition

It’s not a great thriller, but kinda interesting. Lacks catharsis.

[Jamie Stegner]

Hi Everyone. My name is Jamie Stegner.

I’ve written two contemporary dramas – feature length and just finished a contained horror. I’m also working on a BWTV medieval epic that could definitely be a thriller.

I hope to master the thriller writing. It’s my favorite genre.

[Jamie Stegner]

1. Jamie Stegner

2. I agree to the Group Release Form

3. GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Jamie Stegner]

Jamie Stegner

What I learned: I don’t know how I would put these elements in the same scene but do see their value in horror scenes and between to ease tension. Some release scenes are important to keep us in touch with real life and the horror more horrible. Bugs and snakes and storms and wolf howls add tension without being the actual monster themselves.

CREEPY: Susan finds her father’s corpse in the dark attic. He’s freeze-dried and shriveled after 9 years undisturbed. Thought missing – that he’s gotten fed up and run off.

STARTLE: Susan and Wendy are going through the kitchen looking for something to eat. Susan opens a box of oatmeal. 30 huge roaches rush out. They’ve been in that box their whole lives and are confused; scurry about and eventually disappear into whatever cervices they can find. Oatmeal is everywhere. Susan and Wendy are frozen and speechless with repulsion.

RELEASE: The four gather around the fireplace drinking whiskey while the storm rages outside. A peaceful moment after much contention.

[Jamie Stegner]

Jamie Stegner

What I learned: Thinking of the emotions as a series of rising tension, put them in order for best effect. Start simply, then rise to more and more, until over the top.

PANIC: Wendy stands at the top of the basement stairs. Susan is calling for help. She looks at the front door. She can’t go out into the horrible storm. She looks down into the dark basement. She freezes; she cannot go down. Susan continues to call for help.

REAL PANIC & HORROR: Wendy is suddenly hanging by the hangman’s noose, pulled up off her feet. The noose tightens on her neck. She looks up at Brian on the second floor; leering down at her. She struggles, frantic. She tries to pull herself up on the rope to relieve the tension on her neck; it’s too slippery. Brian explains, “I oiled the rope so it would slip easily.” Wendy struggles and kicks. She can’t speak. Susan calls for help from the basement. Wendy tries to find a foothold on the staircase but cannot quite reach it. Brian explains, “It’ll take about 5 minutes. Then you can join Howard.”

Susan comes up from the basement, determined to get Wendy to help move Howard to the car. PANIC & HORROR: She finds her only hope hanging in the noose; still struggling.

HYSTERICS: “No, no, no!” Susan must save Wendy so she can help save Howard. Abandoning all caution, Susan charges up the stairs to the source of the rope.

Susan reaches across the banister, trying to catch one of Wendy’s feet. The banister and the baluster break, exposing a sharp stick, Susan is almost impaled as she reaches over towards Wendy. Susan screams in terror as she barely avoids the sharp stick of the broken baluster.

Gasping, Susan continues up the stairs. The grey slippers of another person appear on the top step as she goes up. Susan looks up:

Eight feet tall, grey but with bright red nail polish and lipstick some on her teeth, the woman from the portrait over the fireplace stands at the top of the stairs and glares down at Susan. She snarls.

Susan gasps: “Grandmother!?”

[Jamie Stegner]

Jamie Stegner

What I learned: Having a label for the different emotions helps to clarify and strengthen.

Horror Class Lesson 11 Fear Suspense Dread POST scene from Act 2

Susan calls from the basement for help.

FEAR: Wendy stands at the top of the stairs, she cannot go down. Susan screams for help.

SUSPENSE: Brian poised with the hangman’s noose. He wants Susan, but Wendy is in position. He waits.

DREAD: Wendy stands at the top of the stairs as Susan calls for help. Coward, she will not go down into the basement. (That’s why she dies.)

[Jamie Stegner]

Jamie Stegner Horror Lesson 10 post from Act 1

What I learned: It’s great to have labels and specific definitions for the different emotions. Easier to write deliberately.

APPREHENSION / ANXIETY

EXT. DARK OLD HOUSE – CONTINUOUS

They come to the dark old house. If it was ever painted, it was in a dark color. Now the wood siding is exposed to the weather.

The predicted storm comes closer; wind picks up and the clouds swirl in the sky. Crows caw.

It’s two-story house with a four gabbled attic and wrap-around veranda. There’s a full basement with windows in the foundation walls.

A large brick chimney goes up one side and stands proudly above the roof. The house might blow away, but that chimney will remain standing.

The house needs repair and maintenance. A few window panes are cracked and some of the sills look rotted.

HOWARD

Yikes! A cheery coat of paint would help.

SUSAN

Does pink scare away devils?

The grounds haven’t had any attention for years. The remains of a garden are overgrown with vines and weeds. The surrounding forest is tangled with under-brush. Behind the house is a cliff edge over-looking Lake Erie.

There are no other cars in sight.

SUSAN (CONT’D)

Good. We’re here first.

They park and get out but leave their luggage in the car. The wind is frisky. The crows are cawing, upset about something.

Susan looks around at the sky and the forest and the crows.

SUSAN (CONT’D)

What a ruckus!

As she walks up to the house, Susan puts the car keys in her purse and gets out the house key.

Howard looks up at the crows, cawing a warning.

VERANDA

SURPRISE.

As Susan is about to unlock the front door, it opens and BRIAN (33) (tall slim) is inside. His foot stops the door from opening more than ten inches.

SUSAN

Oh! How did you get here?

Brian glares at her.

Susan glares back at him.

Susan pushes hard and Brian relents to her opening the door.

Susan enters. Howard comes up the steps and follows her inside.

INT. DARK OLD HOUSE, DOWNSTAIRS HALL – CONTINUOUS

The front door opens into an entry hallway. A beautiful stairway goes up to the second floor.

Howard eye follows the stairway up and he notices the pulley in the center of the second floor ceiling.

BRIAN

There used to be a chandelier. The pulley allowed it to be lowered for cleaning and replacing the lights.

Howard nods.

BRIAN (CONT’D)

Pity the person who stands under it when it falls.

Curious, Howard looks down at the floor below the pulley. The floor boards have an old dark red stain. He doesn’t ask.

The living room and dining room open on either side of the downstairs hallway. Straight back is the kitchen. The basement stairs open under the main stairway.

SUSAN

Is Wendy here? Where’s your car?

BRIAN

She’s at the store.

LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS

Howard and Susan come into the living room and remove their coats, laying them over a chair.

The room is sumptuous with carpets, upholstered club- chairs and ottomans, couches, oak tables with lamps. Bookcases. Cozy, heavy drapes. The walls are a quiet color of taupe.

A grand photograph portrait of a couple hangs above the fireplace and mantle. Other photographs and paintings fill the walls.

Howard looks around at the interesting accessories and antique furniture.

SUSAN

I’ll see if there’s anything to drink.

HALL TO THE KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS

SHOCK

Susan walks down the hall towards the kitchen, but stops short in the doorway. She stifles a gasp, like she knows who set up this trick. It’s not totally unexpected.

She clenches her jaw and seethes.

KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS

All the kitchen knives are laid out on the counters.

[Jamie Stegner]

Jamie Stegner – Death track

What I learned: The opening of the ribcage and feasting of the cats is repetitious. The Heart must still be Beating, but exposed; the victim cannot be killed. therefore, Variety is in the victim’s circumstances. The villain (EJ) is the main character. In this sense it’s different in that we don’t follow the victims thru the story, the victims are not related to each other.

Concept: Ezmyalda Jenkins, a shape-shifting sweet old lady, must feed her 9 cats. And they want Beating Hearts. Any beating heart will do. You have one – come by for tea and cookies. Come alone.

Opening scene. EJ, surrounded by her 9 cats, is watching TV News about the disappearances and found dead bodies half eaten. Police officer, 6’2” strong fit young and handsome, is going door-to-door asking for information about these recent occurrences. EJ is welcoming. Suddenly, she shape-shifts to her large strong self (Larston) and throws the police officer off the back deck, high and wide, into the over-grown ravine. On impact his ribcage breaks open, exposing his Beating Heart. The 9 cats rush to the crash site and devour the Beating Heart. Why does he die? The cats are hungry and he doesn’t like cats.

The pizza delivery man: Larston tears open his ribcage exposing his beating heart. The cats feast. He dies because the cats are hungry, he came alone and revealed that he is off on vacation and won’t be missed for 2 weeks.

Cathy is going door-to-door selling raffle tickets to raise money for her school band. Larston tears open her ribcage and the cats feast. She dies because the cats are hungry, she came alone. She doesn’t have any relation to EJ so she can be disposed of without drawing suspicion to EJ.

A burglar breaks into EJ’s house. Larston breaks open his ribcage and the cats feasts. He dies because the cats are hungry and he can be disposed of without drawing suspicion to EJ.

EJ asks the mailman to stop again on his way back to his truck because EJ is finishing a letter that needs to go out today. Laston rips open his ribcage and the cats feed on the Beating Heart. He dies because the cats are hungry, he’s alone, and he finished his route and returned to EJ, so that no suspicion will fall on her.

Halloween: Six boys think they will have fun harassing a home alone old woman (EJ). She puts up with them for a while, then Larston emerges and they run off, except one. He dies because the cats are hungry and he’s a menace to society.

A pair of religious zealots is particularly annoying. EJ violates her rule of using only those who come alone by locking one in the closet for tomorrow’s meal. Larston rips open the ribcage of the other one for the cats’ dinner. EJ continues to distribute the zealots’ flyers to the rest of her neighborhood to deflect suspicion. While she’s gone the one in the closet escapes and runs. EJ’s Eagle entity pursues her, hunting by extraordinary sight and sound. Escapee makes it to the police station, but they don’t believe her and throw her out. Eagle catches her and hauls her home. She tries to argue and negotiate, but her fate is sealed: tomorrow she’s cat food! With this victim the mythology is revealed.

[Jamie Stegner]

Jamie Stegner. Horror situations track

What I learned doing this assignment: Let it be bad. It’ll work out. The new ideas come out of the ridiculous. I’ll get back to it later.

ASSIGNMENT

1. Build horror situations into your plot by taking the following steps:

STEP 1: Brainstorm 20 to 50 potential horror situations for your story.

Ezmyralda Jenkins watches the news with fascination, surrounded by her 9 cats.

Newscasts: Another half -eaten body has been discovered at Emerson Park. Again the heart seems to be the focus of the feeding. The police have no clues who or what could have ripped open the ribcage without harming the rest of the body. There are no clues and Detective Marcel believes the body was dumped here – that the victim died elsewhere.

Another body with claw and fang marks has been discovered. Something is eating the hearts. apparently, the body has been carried by talons, like by a large bird.

Missing persons: Sandra Jones has been missing for 3 days. She was last seen in Wilson as she went door to door selling her raffle tickets. Anyone with information please contact the Wilson police department.

Missing person: Jack Franklin has been missing for 4 days. He was last seen in Wilson, looking for yard work.

Visitors to Ezmyralda Jenkins’ house:

Police officer Howard Edwards, 6’.2” young and handsome, comes to EJ’s house to ask if she has any information about the dead or the missing persons. She’s sweet, agreeable. Suddenly the large strong person (Larston) emerges and throws Officer Edwards off the back deck into the overgrown ravine. His ribcage breaks open exposing his Beating Heart. The 9 cats rush to the crash site.

Halloween, a gang of 6 kids think they will harass EJ.- an old woman home alone. Knowing she can’t deal with all 6 at the same time, she lets them bother her for a while, but then Larston emerges and they run off. Next day they realize one of them didn’t get home. Meanwhile at EJ’s Larston has grabbed one of the gang and rips open his chest, exposing the Beating Heart for the 9 Cats. Later, before dawn, the Eagle entity hauls off the body and dumps it far from EJ’s house.

One night a burglar breaks into EJ’s house. Larston quickly disables him. Afterwards, the Eagle carries his body to the other side of town. And drops him on the mayor’s front lawn. The TV News report is gruesome.

The pizza delivery man volunteers that this is his last stop before going on a 2-week vacation. No one will miss him right away. He stays for dinner – 9 cats’ dinner. EJ moves his car and Eagle entity flies home.

One day EJ asks the mailman to stop again on his way back to his truck because she is almost finished with a letter that must go out today. He agrees. And since he has completed delivering the mail, no on suspects that he died at EJ’s house. EJ moves the mail van to the other end of his route. Eagle carries his body several blocks away. No one suspects EJ because he continued to deliver the mail after he left her house.

The piano tuner comes one day. She’s about to become a victim, but since she’s blind and can’t drive, she’s not alone. EJ realizes only at the last moment that her driver is waiting in the car. If she’d killed her, she would have been found out. Since she’s blind, he doesn’t realize how close to death she came.

EJ calls other repair people:
Plumber comes, but he has an apprentice with him. She can’t take one without the other.

Electrician comes, but is a large person himself and capable of defending against Larston. maybe too heavy for Eagle to transport. Throwing off the back deck has been done and repeat would draw suspicion. So, he gets away.

Church zealots always come in pairs. EJ is getting desperate for victims. She locks one in the closet to save for tomorrow. And feeds the other to the 9 cats. She has one flyer they left, but she takes the rest of the flyers around to her neighbors and leaves in the door – Her report will be: “They came here and then went on to the next house.” It’ll appear from the left flyers that they finished their route.

The one in the closet escapes and runs. The Eagle pursues. It’s dark. Escapee has a chance. The Eagle hunts by sound and sight. Eventually the escapee makes it to the Wilson Police Station and goes in. The Eagle sees and waits. Inside, she tells that Sweet Old Lady is a killer. The police don’t believe her; she leaves; the Eagle grabs her and hauls her back to EJ’s house. She will be the meal next day. She tries to reason with EJ. But EJ must feed the 9 cats. It doesn’t really matter who – as long as the Heart is Beating. Escapee continues to struggle. Her fate is sealed. She’s cat food.

2. Reactions. (denial, solve it, hide, escape, or fight )

DENIAL: Most potential victims ignore the news as they don’t associate the missing persons or the found bodies with Wilson and EJ’s neighborhood. No one thinks it will happen to them.

HELPLESS: Larston attacks and opens the ribcage without warning. The terror is in the attack of the 9 cats in those who are still conscious. Most are unconscious from the shock.

FIGHT THE CATS: Victim response: The 9 cats gather around, yowling. They know this will be their supper. They encircle the victim. If the victim tries to pet the cats, some allow it, Some will scratch and hiss. The victim can’t leave once encircled; the cats jump up, claws out. The 9 cats encircle. They don’t have the means to kill. They have to wait for Larston and they get impatient, if it’s been more than 36 hours since their last meal. they’re hungry. Some victims get to the point of panic, esp if Larson is delayed.

ESCAPE: The one that EJ does lock in the closet to save for tomorrow escapes while she is out distributing the rest of their flyers. This results in a horrific hunt and escape. The escapee is clever but Eagle gets her and her fate is sealed.

SOLVE IT: Escapee tries to reason with EJ – offer alternatives, without success. But she does convince EJ that this method is not sustainable.

HIDE: Escapee tries to hide from Eagle. Eagle can’t give up.

———————————–

[Jamie Stegner]

Jamie Stegner HORROR PLOT

What I learned from this assignment: Begin with the end. A strong ending helps make a strong beginning.

Title: BEATING HEARTS

Concept: E.J. a shape-shifting sweet old lady must feed her 9 cats. They want Beating Hearts. Any Beating Heart will do – you have one; come by for tea and cookies anytime. Come alone.

ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR

The atmosphere of Evil established. Setting: Long stone stairway leads up to the old stone house, sitting on a ridge high above the road. Late at night it has the only light on in town, attracting anyone in trouble.

Connect with the characters. Ezmyralda Jenkins is a sweet old lady. Smiling and agreeable, she makes everyone feel welcome. Nobody knows or would guess, that she can shape-shift into a very strong large person, who can tear open your ribcage with her bare hands. Her victims are anyone who comes to her house alone, is not connected to her in any way that would cast suspicion, or would not be missed right away.

The characters are warned not to do it. No, no one gets any warning. But the audience knows.

Denial of Horror: Her primary appearance is as a sweet, slightly stooped, not strong old lady. It looks impossible for her to be the tearer of ribcages. She’s careful to remove devoured bodies to remote areas and move any vehicles away from her house.

Safety taken away. If you come to her house alone, you are vulnerable. Survivors come in pairs, or on days that the cats have already eaten.

Monster: The nature of the beast. Ezmyralda is determined to keep the 9 cats well fed. If she doesn’t, they will eat her. Besides, she loves them; they are sweet kitties. Luckily a series of victims come to the house and disappear without casting suspicion on her.

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN

Isolated / Trapped / Abducted. Ezmyralda gets desperate for cat food and tries to save one of a pair of religious zealots for tomorrow by locking her in a closet.

One of us killed. Opening scene: E.J. throws a policeman off the back deck breaking open his ribcage. He made the mistake of coming alone.

MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought.

Full pursuit by the killer. The religious zealot escapes and E.J. is in full pursuit in her large eagle flying mode.

Terrorized. E.J. must catch the escapee because her companion is already fed to the cats.

ACT 3 — FULL-OUT HORROR

Fight to the death. Escapee pursued by the eagle.

Hysteria

The thrilling escape from death. Escapee makes it to the police station. Nobody believes her about E.J. – she couldn’t possibly kill anyone.

Death returns to take one or more. Escapee flees from the police station and Eagle grabs her, hauls her home for cat food.

Resolution: “Kitties, we need to talk.” The 9 cats gather ‘round.

[Jamie Stegner]

Jamie Stegner

Horror Class 3 Victims & Survivors

Concept: Ezmyralda Jenkins, a shape-shifting sweet old lady must feed her 9 cats. They want Beating Hearts. You have one – come by for tea and cookies any time.

Victims are random innocents, unsuspecting, who come to Ezmyralda’s house for a variety of reasons. They have to be alone, and not connected to her. Anyone with a Beating Heart is vulnerable, as long as she can avoid suspicion.

So, there is no group of victims who know each other and witness the demise of their colleagues. Each one is independent and unknowing about the danger they face. The audience knows.

First victim we see is a policeman asking if she knows anything about a missing person. She shape-shifts to her stronger self and throws him off the back deck into the ravine. His rib cage cracks open, exposing his beating heart. The cats race to the crash site.

Second is pizza delivery man who volunteers that this is his last stop before going on a 2-week vacation. Ezmyralda opens him up for the cats.

Dark rainy night, a young woman has car trouble and Ezmyralda’s house is the only light on. She ventures up the long stairway to her demise.

A burglar breaks into Ezmyralda’s house.

Halloween, some kids think they can scare Ezmyralda. They run off in panic. Next day they realize one of them didn’t get home.

Vinyl siding salesman – delicious.

Tree cutters. But then she has to move the truck away from her street.

Buy something from Amazon. Move the van.

Send herself a FedEx letter. Move the truck.

Survivors: police send a decoy solo police officer. She returns OK with no evidence. The cats had already eaten that day.

Church people always come in pairs. There must be a way to keep the heart beating to use one at a time

I’ll have to get into the story of each victim before they go to Ezmyralda’s house so that we care about them. They are unsuspecting. Why does the reader / audience care about the victims? Who cares about Ezmyralda? Who cares about the 9 cats?

———————————-

[Jamie Stegner]

Jamie Stegner

BEATING HEARTS

Concept: A sweet old lady shape-shifter must feed her 9 cats. They want Beating Hearts; any beating heart will do. You have one – come by for tea and cookies any time.

Monster: Sweet old lady, a little stooped and not very strong. Smiling, agreeable, and makes everyone feel welcome.

Her terror: Must have a beating heart to feed her 9 cats. Can shape-shift into a very large strong person to kill by hand – rip open your ribcage, exposing your beating heart.

Her rules: Any beating heart will do. Innocent, unsuspecting is preferred. They should be alone and not attached to her in any way – to avoid suspicion.

She can shape-shift into a flying beast (eagle) and uses this medium to haul away the half-eaten bodies.

If you parked a vehicle near her house, she’ll have to move it, and then flies home.

Her mystery: 1. there’s no cat food in her house. No one seems to notice. 2. how did she come to have so many demanding cats?

Her mythology: ‘If I don’t feed the cats, they will eat me.’ Therefore, she is determined to keep them well fed. She loves each one of them; they’re actually very sweet kitties – they’re just hungry.

——————

[Jamie Stegner]

Hi Everyone. I’m Jamie (she/her) Stegner. I’ve written 2 contemporary feature dramas, a horror feature, and a pilot for 12 episode TV series. None are quite ready for market. I look forward to this class to sharpen my horror skills and start a new script.

Looking forward to engaging with all of you.

[Jamie Stegner]

Horror Class 1 Jamie Stegner

“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” This is going to be fun. My idea may not quite be low-budget with the cats involved, but will be a good writing sample. It’ll be scary as hell. You’ll never think of old ladies and their cats the same. What JAWS did for sharks … etc.

Watch a movie:

Title: CRIMSON PEAK. Short and intriguing title. The red clay gives the snow a red color, like fresh blood.

Concept: A sister/brother team of con-artists seduce a young woman, an only child. They kill her father, marry and take her back to England to a spooky old house. They’ll kill her when her father’s money arrives.

Conventions:

Terror: Creepy house, many locked rooms. Ghosts, spirits are dismissed as bad dreams. Sister is poisoning her in the food.

Isolation: House is at an isolated clay mine. Half a day from town and no neighbors.

Death: Sister/ brother kill her father. And they will kill her when they get his money. They’ve done the same con a few times before. They tried to kill a small dog by leaving it out in the cold while they were in the States.

Villains: Sister is main villain, but brother also. We’re led to believe that Mother was evil, but actually it was the children especially the sister.

High tension: The setting of the creepy house contributes. Loneliness of this young woman. Hard to tell what’s true – the ghosts may be trying to help her. Audience knows the evil intentions.

Departure from reality: the red clay turning the snow blood red. The ghosts and spirits. The strength of the sister to kill the father – and how did she get into his private club? Sister doesn’t seem real.

Moral statement: Don’t fall under the evil influence of another evil one; the brother is not so evil in and of himself. In the end he tries to get away from sister. Take heed when you father doesn’t feel right about the situation; he may be right.

———

Guillermo del Toro writer/ director/ producer. 2015

My comments: Well done, well cast and high production value. Strong drama could have stood on its own without the horror. In some ways the horror seemed added, not a required part of the premise.

8888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

My idea for this class:

Concept: A shape –shifting sweet old lady must feed her 9 cats and they must have BEATING HEARTS. You have one; come by for tea and cookies any time.

Terrorize The Characters: Anyone with a beating heart is potential. She watches for people who are alone and not attached to her specifically, e.g. delivery people, car trouble late at night and Shape-shifter has the only light on. (like moths to the flame).

Isolation: House at the top of a long steep stairway; with an over-grown steep ravine out back. (I know this house; it scared me just to look up at it.)

Death: Heart must be beating, so she doesn’t really kill you.

Monster/Villain: Ezmyralda Jenkins, a shape-shifting sweet old lady.

High Tension: 9 hungry cats.

Departure from Reality: Old ladies aren’t usually shape-shifters. She can have enormous strength. Also, she can fly home after she moves your car or delivery van away from her street – to avoid suspicion.

Moral Statement: Take good care of your pets.

———————————————

[Jamie Stegner]

My name: Jamie Stegner

I agree to the Confidentiality Agreement.

[Jamie Stegner]

I’m looking forward to Call 3 for BW TV module 5.

[Jamie Stegner]

Hi. The Screen-share looks like an email. Did you send this out? I didn’t get it. Please send to jamie19stegner@gmail.com. THANKS.

[Jamie Stegner]

Jamie Stegner

What I learned: Relationships between characters can be rich and varied. I made relationship maps for several characters using msexcel for grid format. Like in life, one loves A, other don’t but have to pretend, etc. Push and pull between characters is complex, subtle. My grids are too big to post here.

[Jamie Stegner]

Jamie Stegner

BW Mod 1 lesson 5 Character profiles.

What I learned: It’s great to clarify all these aspects of character that I have written intuitively. Also good to see that each character is individual and different for motivation / depths / strengths. They will play off each other well when their differences are clear.

ML: BIG PIX: ML hopes to find peace with an angry God. FEAR: eternity in Hell

Goal: Peace with God and safe from eternity in Hell. Join monastery, be a monk, God must honor that, right? become a Priest = will I be safe?

FEAR: FEAR eternity in Hell. Death is imminent

Season 1: Is he wrong about Scripture – pulling so many to Hell with him?? How can he stand alone against centuries of the Church?? Resolves with completion of the translation into his native language – then he knows and believes in wholeheartedly – without doubts. Faces demons at the Wartburg.

Want: Safety from eternity in Hell. NEED: Peace with God.

Mask: Fun-loving. Hiding: Terror of death.

Weakness: Lazy. Doesn’t see or want the huge opportunities available to him. Just wants to be safe. Hide out in a monastery – easy.

Triggers: Night-terrors, plague deaths

Coping Mechanism: Gregarious, laugh with friends, music. Become a monk.

Hans: BIG PIX: Fear: Losing Martin to the big world, so marry him to someone close.

Goal: Big success in copper business, wealth and power and respect.

Fear: Martin is grown and will move away. He’ll never see him again. “He’ll get away. He’ll move on in life: the whole world is open to him. Where will he go? Will he forget us?”

Want: Keep Martin nearby. NEED: Martin’s love and respect.

Mask: Gruff, overbearing. Hiding: vulnerable lack of status.

Weakness: Can’t express his true feelings. Overbearing, obnoxious. Overzealous.

Triggers: Losing control of ML to the world. Excitement of the huge opportunities in the expanding world.

Coping mechanisms: Rage and fury. Yelling.

Nathin: Hope: capture ML as his ‘son’ monk & priest. Sexual attraction, lust.

Goal: ML is a saint with healing powers – attract pilgrims for tithes.

Fear: Dameon will ruin him with severe penance or sacrifice to Orvis.

Fear: Staupitz will beguile ML away to another monastery.

Worry: ML’s lack of relief from sinfulness thru confession – what is wrong?

Want: ML’s love. NEED: to belong/ family connection (not celibacy).

Mask: Pious Abbot. Hiding: Desperation for personal connection – lust.

Weakness: Lust. Power hungry.

Triggers: Damean.

Coping Mechanism: Use his power as Abbot.

Aleander: Hope & Goal: Deliver ML to Pope Leo X. & see him burn at the stake.

NEEDS to please the Pope.

Fear: Fail to get ML. ML continues to divide the Church and he will lose his position and status. (He has nothing but the Vatican.) FRED: “A motherless bastard of some Cardinal, he grew up in the Vatican. I leave you to guess what kind of childhood that was. He has no family backing, so he’s desperate and that makes him dangerous.” Fred & Spalatin understand each other. “I’ll see that he leaves town” AL to George: “pleasant little town…“ “No it’s not. It’s a very dangerous town.”

Mask: Pious priest. Pompous. Hiding: Conniving desperation. Motherless bastard.

Weakness: Motherless bastard. Desperate to please Pope Leo. Single- minded. Willing to do anything.

Triggers: Defiance of the Pope’s authority and power.

Coping Mechanism: Lies / deception. Forgery. Tries to deceive and trick to get his way.

[Jamie Stegner]

Main character circle:

MARTIN: When a gregarious, fun-loving, and erudite student is hit by lightning on a clear day, he vows to become a monk. He abandons a bright future to join a monastery in search of peace with an angry God. When finds corruption and greed, he crushes the Church with sacred Scripture and shatters the Empire with a call for equality and freedom.

Martin’s father, HANS, is a self-made man with a huge vision of what is possible in the world. He has climbed from an uneducated worker in the mines to an international businessman, owning the smelter. He expects Martin to change the world, but Martin just wants to be safe from eternity in Hell.

Nathin: Beguiled Martin away from his career path.

Connected Circle: John, Uncle, Mother, siblings.

Environment Circle: Students, families, faculty, clergy

[Jamie Stegner]

What I learned from this assignment is that the characters come alive with more depth. Digging to discover their hidden motives, fears, and strategies makes them more well-rounded and more fully human.

1. My example show : Jessica Jones

Emotional Profile, filling in the following:

JESSICA:

A. Situational: Hope; she can kill Kilgrave / Fear: Kilgrave will return and control
her again, causing her to do terrible things.

B. Motivation: Want: peace, to be left alone / Need;
forgiveness for causing the auto accident and death of her family.

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: GUILT / Public Mask: Bitch, tough guy.

D. Weaknesses:
very tender, heart break.

E. Triggers

F. Coping Mechanism:
tough guy, reject everyone.

2. My show.

For each of your main characters, brainstorm an Emotional Profile, filling in the following:

ML:

A. Situational: Hope:
peaceful life / Fear: Death

B. Motivation: Want: safety from Hell / Need: peace with God

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion Terror of eternity in
Hell / Public Mask: gregarious
student

D. Weaknesses:
can’t stand up to Hans.

E. Triggers:
night terrors

F. Coping Mechanism:
sneaks away to monastery without telling Hans or faculty. (lies by
omission)

Hans:

A. Situational: Hope:
prosperity in business / Fear:
ML will get away

B. Motivation: Want:
respect / Need: to be loved and respected

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: anger / Public Mask: prosperous businessman

D. Weaknesses:
lacks education; from peasant roots; insecure.

E. Triggers:
Disobeyed. ML thinks for himself.

F. Coping Mechanism:
Anger, yelling, pounding the table.

Nathin:

A. Situational: Hope: loved my ML / Fear: Deamon will get him.

B. Motivation: Want:
ML’s devotion / Need: to be
loved

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: deceit / Public Mask: pious

D. Weaknesses:
liar

E. Triggers:
loss of power or control

F. Coping Mechanism: lies, manipulates.

[Jamie Stegner]

Jamie Stegner

I agree to the terms of this release form.

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the Binge Worthy TV class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, teaching a class, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the Binge Worthy TV available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. The easiest solution if you have similar ideas is to either not look at each other’s work or to agree to take your shows in different directions.

If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the Binge Worthy TV class.

[Jamie Stegner]

Jamie Stegner PROFOUND ENDING.

“What I learned doing this assignment is” to start at the end. Begin with the end in mind. The happy ending is the goal of the whole torturous journey. How will the characters get there and bring us along with them?

1. What is your Profound Truth and how will it be delivered powerfully in your ending?

One person can change the world for the better: equality, liberty, and freedom.

2. How do your lead characters (Change Agent and Transformable Characters) come to an end in a way that represents the completed change? Lead Character frees himself and many others from artificial constraints that had gone on for centuries. Through a long journey, he launched a new world, married, and lived happily.

3. What are the setup/payoffs that complete at the end of this movie, giving it deep meaning?

Several characters contribute to the changes that brought about the
freedom, equality, and liberty we enjoy today, that spring from this time in history.
In the closing scene we see glimpses of the future that will develop as a
result of these events.

4. How are you designing it to have us see
an inevitable ending and then making it surprising when it happens? He loves her but thinks she deserves better
so doesn’t act on it. She loves him but
feels unworthy of his attention so she doesn’t pursue him. The audience will see
that they’re made for each other and wish they would see it. The sudden wedding at the end is a surprise but hoped for
all along.

5. What is the Parting Image/Line that
leaves us with the Profound Truth in our minds? “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants
us to be happy.”
————–

[Jamie Stegner]

Subtext 3 Character – WN

Larry: Surface: Cool. Successful salesman. Married to a beautiful sweet wife.

Hiding: wound about immigration to US as a child – didn’t speak English or know any American culture (e.g. TV). Doesn’t deserve his wife. Insecure – over reacts; jealous.

Ashamed of immigrant parents, blue collar. Over-compensates with struggle to succeed in business. Likes wife’s parents better.

Hiding: He caused accidental death of his wife. Set up fake alibi.

Ed: Surface: Detective for local police dept. Married. Normal guy. Doesn’t believe Larry’s alibi.

Hiding: In love with Kristen (Larry’s wife) since high school.

Illegally watches her with police surveillance equipment. He knows there was no one else at Larry’s house when Kristen died, but can’t tell because of how he knows. Obsessed with proving Larry’s guilt.

Hiding quiet desperation. Source unknown. Deeply insecure. Over-compensates with bravado cop behavior.

Kristen: Surface: sweet school teacher. Loves Larry and is faithful. Friendly.

Hiding: She’s afraid of Ed. Has seen him watching but doesn’t tell Larry.

Woman cop: surface: good cop

Hiding: She knows Ed is a creep. Doesn’t have any concrete evidence against him. Thinks he’s nuts to pursue Larry for the death of his wife. Pretends to cooperate with the investigation.

Ed’s wife: Surface: waitress. Knows Ed is crazy about Kristen and thinks it’s awful.

Hiding: Married Ed for financial security and health insurance. Doesn’t really like him, but pretends. This is getting more and more difficult.

[Jamie Stegner]

What I learned: The environment can provide a lot of subtext to the story, set the mood, challenge or support the character(s).

1. An abandoned old castle, full of old weapons from past wars covered with dust and cobwebs. My character has only a few candles; the corners are dark; good places for devils to hide. The days are short and the nights are long. He’s there alone; hunted by the Inquisition. The castle was once grand and a seat of power, high on a hill, surrounded by forest.

2. Weather plays an important part in my story. Lightning and thunder, downpours. Then sunny pretty days with bees buzzing. Weather, sunrises, and sunsets contribute to or contrast characters’ moods. Weather adds to budget and scheduling difficulties, however.

3. In another script I’m working on, the character’s car tells a lot about him and what he values. Wardrobe and set dressing also tell a lot about character.

4. At the Fugger Palace the extraordinary wealth of the Fugger’s bank and the intersection of Tetzel, Leo, and Fugger is revealed.

5. In some scenes the environment is in contract to the subtext of the characters and, I think, that serves to augment the characters.

Environment / location definitely impacts the message of the movie. I’m thinking, though, that locations can be hard to find and secure and they can fall thru at the last minute. Should we be prepared to re-write with a different location on the fly? So, I’m going thru my scripts for the truly important locations / environments and trying to envision the scene happening just as powerfully in a very different location.

[Jamie Stegner]

What I learned: While going over my screenplays to dig out the subtext, I found that I’ve written a lot of it intuitively. It needs clarifying in some cases. The subtext story is the interesting part and actually, sometimes I have started with the subtext and layered a surface story on top of that.

Each character can have their own unique subtext. Occasionally a character will be straightforward, but most have a subtext of some kind.

[Jamie Stegner]

Hi Ted. I agree that sounds are important in horror. That a lot takes place in the dark, the sounds are the scariest part sometimes. And the score adds a lot. I have a raging thunderstorm in one of my scripts that is unnerving and also causes confinement.

[Jamie Stegner]

Interesting.

[Jamie Stegner]

Hi Joey. I followed you on LI. Your profile is impressive.

Did you find the LI Certifications worthwhile? I am also interested in producing. I’ve crewed on a few local productions and love all aspects of filmmaking.

[Jamie Stegner]

Hi Jerry. Please send me a friend request on FB. There are lots of ppl with your name- couldn’t find you. Do I know you from prior SU classes? I’ve taken PS and MSC and BW.

What are your Features about? I wrote two dramas: 1. a guy accidentally kills his wife and succeeds in the cover-up; the cop knows but can’t prove it. 2. abused wife of a corrupt sheriff is kidnapped but he won’t rescue her, she joins them in bringing him down. I need help with realistic police procedures. I’m also working on a medieval epic, BW, about 12 episodes.

I wrote the horror feature cuz I’ve heard that a very low-budget horror can be a way to get ‘in’. I have no credibility in filmmaking. Retired from healthcare. I’ve crewed on a few local productions though and love making movies.