[Jane Alcala]

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Jane Alcala: Marketing Campaign

What I learned from this assignment: At this point in the class, I’ve found that the lessons did help me come up with new ideas to rewrite script to make it more marketable. I’ve had interest in producing script by one producer, so I’m hoping that if I can write an even better draft, I could get interest from other producers. For me to feel confident in screenplay, I know my first priority is to improve my latest draft and get it to match my pitch. Now that I have a query letter, I plan to query more producers in February.

1. Read through the 10 Marketing Campaigns and select ONE that you’ll take action on immediately.

First marketing campaign: Seek producers

Rewrite script, while building a list of producers to send script to.

Taking that campaign, make a plan of action, listing the actions you’ll take:

Stategy 15: Taget Small and Indie Producers

1 Watch movies in my genre that have been recommended to me to get more ideas/be more up-to-date in my genre

2 Write another draft of script in Dec-Jan.

3 Seek updated professional coverage on script and enter in contests

4 Send queries to 50 producers I’ve identified in February 2024

5 Continue to network with my industry contacts

6 Write outline for new script

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• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  Jane Alcala.

[Jane Alcala]

Jane Alcala Query Letter Draft Two

What I learned from this lesson: To use example of query letter in Lesson 5 to write my 2nd draft. I appreciated notes from Christi, who helped me to see what was mising from first draft.

Ouery Letter, Draft Two:

TITLE: “Comediennes”

WRITTEN BY: Jane Alcala

GENRE: Women-centered Comedy

Let’s hear it for a parolee who plots to break the internet instead of the law!

With viral fame and dollar signs dancing in her eyes, Dara, an ex-con turned struggling comedian, accepts an offer to roast her arch-enemy ex-parole agent, Patricia, aka “Pat,” on a popular TV show.

Dara’s plan? Train the skittish, recently fired Pat to be a crack insult comic and goad her into battle—which proves easier for Dara than keeping a lid on her simmering rage against Pat.

And when Pat mistakes Dara’s temporary truce for friendship, their awkward aliance goes further off the rails.

These two are destined to learn that it’s best to roast the ones you love.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

Bio: I’m a former Los Angeles probation officer and stand-up comedian. In the writing of this script, I consulted with a Peacock Network-featured comedian who jokes about her criminal past.

Contact info (to be included here)

Thanks,

Jane Alcala

• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  Jane Alcala.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  Jane Alcala.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  Jane Alcala.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  Jane Alcala.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  Jane Alcala.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  Jane Alcala.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  Jane Alcala.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  Jane Alcala.

[Jane Alcala]

Jane Alcala Query Letter Draft One

What I learned from this lesson: It’s my understanding from these lessons that the query letter is meant to pique interest, while giving as little info about the script as possible.

Ouery Letter, Draft One:

TITLE: “Comediennes”

WRITTEN BY: Jane Alcala

GENRE: Women-centered Comedy

Let’s hear it for a parolee who plots to break the internet instead of the law!

Desperate for viral fame, an ex-parolee turned comedian challenges her parole agent to a TV roast battle.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

Bio: I’m a former Los Angeles probation officer and stand-up comedian. In the writing of this script, I consulted with a Peacock Network-featured comedian who jokes about her criminal past.

Contact info (to be included here)

Thanks,

Jane Alcala

• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  Jane Alcala.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  Jane Alcala.

[Jane Alcala]

Jane Alcala: Target Markets

“Comediennes” a comedy

Logline: Desperate for viral fame, an ex-parolee turned comedian challenges her parole agent to a TV roast battle.

What I learned: A fast, efficient way of finding producers to query about my screenplay; and why it makes sense to query many producers, even at “lower rungs” of production, as they have the contacts that may be key in finding someone to read script.

Make a list of five or more movies that are similar to yours and five actors that you might want to play your lead characters:

“The Big Sick,” “Brittany Runs a Marathon,” “The Farewell,” “The Comedian,” “I Love My Dad.”

1. Using the Targeting process above, go to and find 50 to 100 producers (or more) for your specific project. I found over 100 producers and saved them to a list.

[Jane Alcala]

Jane Alcala/Phone Pitch

What I learned from this lesson is: that phone pitching is possible and a viable way to reach producers; plus how best to prep for phone pitches. Had no idea on how this could be done well. Another exercise that has helped me pare down to the emotional core of my script.

Write out your phone pitch along with answers to the questions.

1. Tell us which of the four strategies you are going to use to open your pitch:

• Lead with credibility: I’m a former LA probation officer and stand-up comedian.
• Lead with a great title: My title is “Comediennes,” a term women comics hate.
• Lead with a strong business hook: It’s low budget and set in Los Angeles.
• Lead with a High Concept: Inspired by my friendship with an ex-probationee, it’s the story of a comic so desperate for viral fame she challenges her former parole agent to a TV roast battle.

I will likely lead with my credibility or high concept; or a combo of the two: I’m a former LA probation officer and stand-up comedian. My script was instpired by my friendship with an ex-probationer comic who jokes about her criminal past. It’s the story of a comic so desperate for viral fame she challenges her former parole agent to a TV roast battle.

3. Give us a one or two sentence answer to the questions a producer may ask:

• What’s the budget range? 1 to 5 million
• Who do you see in the main roles? Awkwafina and Tig Notaro
• How many pages is the script? 100
• Who else has seen this? A producer at Acer Entertainment who has offered to produce script.
• Why do you think this fits our company? Your movie, “Blank” has a similar tone and style.
• How does the movie end? A festering feud erupts in a huge fight between the main characters putting the roast battle in jeopardy. However, the finale roast battle triggers an emotional outpouring between them, in which they can finally bury their beef and acknowledge their friendship.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  Jane Alcala.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  Jane Alcala.

[Jane Alcala]

Jane Alcala/Pitch Fest Pitch

What I learned is: that I can use my former job as credibility for this particular project. I’m relieved that what I’ve previously been taught about pitching (by a UCLA instructor, no less) isn’t helpful. The method of memorizing and giving a long overview of one’s screenplay never made sense to me. What I learned about pitching here seems short enough that it won’t as easily lose the listener’s attention.

1. Tell us your credibility: I’m a former Los Angeles probation officer who has since been an Executive Producer and Producer of two feature indie films in the past two years.

2. Tell us your genre and title: Comedy/”Comediennes”

3. What is your one or two sentence hook? Desperate for viral fame, an ex-parolee turned comedian challenges her parole agent to a TV roast battle.

4. Please give your one or two sentence answer to each of these questions:

• What is the budget range? Micro-budget to Low-Budget ($250,000 to $5 million)
• What actors do you like for the lead roles? Awkwafina for the parolee and Tig Notaro for the parole agent
• Give me the acts of the story: 1) A struggling ex-parolee comedian, Dara, is offered a spot on a popular TV roast battle show, as long as she can bring her skittish former parole agent, Patricia aka Pat, to battle against her. 2) As Dara preps Pat for battle, a festering feud between them leads Dara to swear off the show. 3) However, through tickery, Pat cajoles Dara back into the battle.
• How does it end? (setup / payoff). The roast battle ironically triggers an emotional outpouring between them in which they can finally bury their feud and acknowledge their friendship.
• Credibility questions What have you done?: I’m a former Los Angeles probation officer and stand-up comedian. I was inspired to write this story after befriending a fellow comedian who jokes about her criminal past; and who acted as a consultant/contributor to my screenplay.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  Jane Alcala.

[Jane Alcala]

Jane Alcala: Query Letter

What I learned doing this assignment is to keep the query as short and snappy as possible; and that you can either skip the bio or mention something that gives you insight into material you’re writing about.

Write your query letter:

Let’s hear it for a parolee who plots to break the internet instead of the law!

Aiming for viral fame, an ex-parolee turned comedian challenges her parole agent to a TV roast battle.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

Bio: I’m a former Los Angeles probation officer who consulted with my friend, a comedian who performs stand-up about her criminal past, in the writing of this script.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

Contact info (to be included here)

Thanks,

Jane Alcala

[Jane Alcala]

Jane Alcala/High Concepts/Elevator Pitch

What I learned from this assignment: To pare a concept down as much as possible, while trying to retain a spark of intrigue. I also came up with a more specific goal for my main character.

Tell us your High Concept and Elevator Pitch.

1. To find your main hook, give us what is most unique about your lead character’s journey from a big picture perspective.

An ex-parolee with a knack for humor strives to achieve online fame by outwitting her parole agent in a high-stakes TV roast, hoping to spark a viral sensation.

2. How can you tell it in the most interesting way possible?

• Dilemma
• Main Conflict
• What’s at stake?
• Goal/Unique Opposition

3. Using the 10 Components of Marketability, what is your Elevator Pitch?

The goal/unique opposition appears to be the most marketable tact

Aiming for viral fame, an ex-felon comedian challenges her parole agent to a TV roast battle.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by  Jane Alcala.

[Jane Alcala]

Jane Alcala Synopsis Hooks

What I learned from this assignment: This assignment KICKED MY ASS. It took me a long time to finally complete this, but it helped me think of changes I might want to make in my screenplay to improve the story. Extremely helpful! I’m not yet sure the synopsis makes sense, but it helped me to get to the most concise summary of story I can think of.

1. Take your list of 10 COM and 10 MIT for your story.

2. Select 6 – 10 hooks that could give an overview of your story and organize those hooks into a sequence that makes sense for the story:

1. Popularity of roast battle competitions

2. Unlikely duo

3. A comedic journey

3. The healing power of humor

4. Tension inherent in duo’s past relationship that causes conflicts and roller-coaster ride

5. Characters switch roles

6. Change that can result from resolving conflict

4. Using those hooks as an outline, write a first draft of your synopsis.

First Draft of New Synopsis:

Great news! You scored a career-making spot on a popular TV roast battle show. Bad news: You’ve got to battle your ex-parole agent.

As an ex-parolee turned struggling comedian, Dara Chea finally lands the break she needs to supercharge her stand-up career–but only if she can convince her “dream-killing” nemesis and ex-parole agent, Patricia “Pat” McCarthy that Pat can kill onstage.

Dara’s solution? Suck up to Pat and train her for battle.

In the midst of trading barbs and bonding over laugther with Dara, Pat lets down her guard and reveals more about her past than Dara can handle–leading Dara to swear off the TV roast.

But now it’s Pat’s turn to seek redemption, switch things up and lead Dara back into a battle that proves it’s best to roast the ones we love.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by  Jane Alcala.

[Jane Alcala]

Subject Line: Jane Alcala: 10 Most Interesting Things (Assignment in Progress, not yet finished)

What I learned from this lesson: that I still either need to make

1. Go through your project and see which of these specific hooks you have:

• A. What is most unique about your villain and hero? “Hero” (Dara): Badass, yet sober, reformed ex-felon who desperately wants to succeed as a comedian doing stand-up about her past as a “handjob only” sex worker. She is genuinely funny/talented as a stand-up and insult comic, so her lines are funny. “Villian”: Patricia, “Pat McCarthy”: Dara’s burned out ex-parole agent who turned to doing stand-up comedy to cope with being fired for negligence at her job. Pat is also a quirky, laughingstock loner obsessed with caring for animals. Pat is deadpan, sardonic type. She can deliver stand-up jokes, but isn’t a polished comedian. Dara holds a major grudge against Pat, who she believes caused her to miss out on a major break in her career: opening for a celebrity comedian on that comedian’s comedy special.
• B. Major hook of your opening scene? Opening scene is a montage of Dara doing stand-up about being a hand-job sex-worker at crappy comedy gigs. The point is to establish her as a funny, but struggling underdog. Scene ends with Dara revealing that she holds a grudge from being on parole.
• C. Any turning points? On Page 4, Dara gets a break: she’s accepted into her first comedy festival. Page 10: At festival performance, Dara is shocked to find out that Pat is also performing as a comic in the show. Page 12: Dara, thrown off by seeing Pat perform jokes about being a parole agent, scraps her stand-up set and roasts Pat instead. Page 16: Dara gets another break: a Comedy Central Roast show host, offers her an audition to the show. However, he tells her she must bring Pat to roast against her. Page 19: Frantically searching for Pat after the show, Dara finds Pat waiting at a bus stop. Page 39: After Pat refuses to do the show, Dara tries to talk celebrity comedian, Chantelle, (she has a feud with) into doing roast battle with her, but Chantelle belittles her. Page 50: Using Pat’s soft-spot for rescuing animals, Dara finds a way to meet up with Pat again and convince her to audition for the roast battle show. Page 63: As Dara and Pat bond over prepping for the audition, Pat reveals to Dara that she was slacking off on her job. Dara connects the dots and realizes that this was the major reason Pat made her miss out on a major break with Chantelle while on parole. Page 65: Despite Dara’s reawakened resentment toward Pat, the two ace the audition. Page 80: Dara and Pat get in a fight and Dara swears off the TV roast battle. Page 82: Desperate for money, Dara seeks out a hand-job gig. Page 85: Pat tricks Dara into showing that she still worries about/cares for Pat and a spontaneous mini-roast battle between them. Dara is coaxed back into the TV roast battle. Page 90: Celebrity comedian who belittled Dara shows up at TV Roast Battle as a surprise judge. Page 95: During Roast Battle, Pat finally apologizes to Dara for not caring about her when she was on parole. Dara accepts apology. Chantelle causes a physical fight to break out among the three of them and they all end up in handcuffs. Page 96: Pat and Dara meet up to commiserate at the dog rescuse shelter and get hired to clean kennels. Page 98: Chantelle puts out post on IG, offering Dara a spot on her comedy tour. Page 100: A year later, Pat is manager of dog shelter. Dara has part on Chantelle’s sitcom and an upcoming comedy tour of her own. Page 101: Dara and Pat have remained friends.
• C. 3 Main turning points: 1. Dara is offered chance to be on a comedy roast battle, but is required to talk her ex-paole agent into battling against her. 2) After refusing Dara’s plea to battle her, Pat finally agrees to do it 3) A grudge between them over their prior relationship wreaks havoc between them.
• D. Emotional dilemma: Dara must either suck up/compromise her true feelings to carry through on a big career break or be true to her feelings and give up on career opportunity.
• E. Major twists: 1) Pat is on line-up at Dara’s first comedy festival; 2) Dara is offered chance to roast Pat on TV 3) Dara convinces Pat to be in show 4) Pat reveals to Dara why she was fired 5) At TV roast, Chantelle shows up as judge, wreaks havoc, leading Pat and Dara to stop roasting and make up with each other.
• F. Reversals: Pat starts to care for Dara; Dara starts to care for Pat
• G. Character betrayals: Feelings of past betrayals between Pat and Dara emerge and cause issues between them throughout script.
• H. Or any big surprises? No

2. Make a list of any other things in your script that could interest a producer.

–Two main characters have a unique, fraught past as parolee/parole agent

–A hand-job only sex-worker does stand-up about that strikes me as unique and funny

–The main characters have to

3. Organize both and select the 10 most interesting things. Post those to the forums.

“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and post it at the top of your work.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by  Jane Alcala.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by  Jane Alcala.
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[Jane Alcala]

Jane Alcala, Producer/Manager Assignment

What I learned today is: It broke through to me that emphasizing the emotional journey of my characters and heartwarming ending will be important in both pitching my script, as well as making sure those components are as clear in my script as possible.

Imagine you have two meetings set up — with a producer and then with a manager. What would you say and do differently based upon this model?

Answer two questions:

1. How will you present yourself and your project to the producer?

I would present myself with my credits as Executive Producer and Producer on two feature-length films to demonstrate my familiarity with making films. I would emphasize the qualifications I have to know the world of the script I’ve written, and the true stories underlying the script’s fictional situation (I’m a former parole agent who performed stand-up comedy and befriended a former sex-worker stand-up comic. We both perform(ed) stand-up comedy about our former jobs. She has been my consultant on script and contributed some material to it.) I would emphasize the two most marketable components of my script (unique twist on a movie about stand-up comedians, and two leading roles for comedic women actors who can play off each other). I would emphasize the emotional journey each of the characters take, how the two character’s influence each other to grow/change; and how and why the movie ends on a heartwarming note.

2. How will you present yourself and your project to the manager?

Since I have only one script, and don’t yet have ideas for additional feature film or TV projects, it seems doubtful I will be able to pitch to managers. However, I would emphasize my credits on two existing feature films and play up my former writing credits as an arts publicist and entertainment journalist. I would advise of the short film script I’m creating. I would lastly emphasize the most marketable features of my script and the emotional journies of the characters in my script. I would advise that I live in Los Angeles and that I don’t currently have a job that conflicts with my ability to write to deadlines.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by  Jane Alcala.

[Jane Alcala]

Jane Alcala

Marketable Components:

What I learned doing this assignment is that I believe I have two of the 10 Compenents of Marketability. Also that playing up these components is very important, and it’s important to emphasize these components as much as possible.

1. Tell us your current logline:

A former sex-worker turned struggling comedian scores a dream spot on a popular TV roast battle show—with one catch: she must convince her ex-parole agent to face off against her. Even as the two bond while prepping for the battle, unfinished business between them threatens to kill their chances of career success and true friendship.

2. Look through the 10 Components of Marketability and pick one or two that have the most potential for selling this script. My assessment:

• A. Unique: a highly unusual, yet somewhat plausible situation between an ex-parolee and her ex-parole agent.
• B. Great Title: My title may be too subtle, but I’ve primarily had positive reactions to it
• C. True. NA
• D. Timely — connected to some major trend or event. Loneliness “epidemic” and adult friendship as current trends.
• E. It’s a first. NA
• F. Ultimate. NA
• G. Wide audience appeal: snarky, comedic, heartwarming.
• H. Adapted from a popular book. NA
• I. Similarity to a box-office success. “Brittany Runs a Marathon,” successful Indie film.
• J. A great role for a bankable actor: Two major roles for women, and possibly women in their 40s-50s. The actors get to show off both their comedic and dramatic skills. An opportunity for two comedian/actors to play off one another comedically. Women comedians are in need of large, feature roles.

Two Components to Focus on: Do a quick brainstorm session about ways to elevate those two components for this script and tell us how you might pitch the script through the two components.

A. Unique: what appears unique to me is that an ex-parolee and her ex-parole agent must overcome a major conflict in their past, so that the parolee can fulfill her dream succeeding as a stand-up comedian, and the parole agent can finally find a tried-and-true friend. Yet, the pair must resolve their prior conflict while practicing how to skillfully tear each other down.

Sex worker and parole agent are both jobs that come with risks in dealing with people, and require an adventurous bent. Both parolee and parole agent are used to scrutinizing each other and trying to outwit the other person. Both of these characters turned to “stand-up comedy” to help them express themselves. The characters’ unique backgrounds/ways the and relationship to one another ups the ante on their conflicts and humor.

J: A Great Role for a Bankable Actor: Two major roles for women, and possibly women in their 40s-50s. The actors get to show off both their comedic and dramatic skills. An opportunity for two comedian/actors to play off one another comedically. Both actors are in most scenes. Film also allows actors to demo a range of emotions. In general, women comedians are in need of large feature roles in film.

Example: If you say your script has a great role, in one or two sentences, tell us how you can emphasize that role as you pitch your concept.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by  Jane Alcala.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by  Jane Alcala.
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[Jane Alcala]

Hi, I’m Jane

So far, I’ve written one, 105-page feature script. I’ve also written 3 sitcom spec scripts.

3. What you hope to get out of the class?

Mainly to learn how to improve my script through learning about the marketing process; and to learn ways to market better and enjoy marketing.

4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you?

That I live a balanced life and maintain good relationships with family and friends

[Jane Alcala]

Jane Alcala Project and Market

1. Give us your Genre, Title, and Concept.

Genre: Comedy

Title: “Comediennes”

Concept: how insult comedy bonds women in LA’s stand-up comedy subculture

2. In one or two sentences, tell us what you think is most attractive about your story.

That it demonstrates how sharing humor can help to overcome conflicts and bridge differences between people.

3. Tell us which you will target FIRST — managers, producers, or actor’s production company — and why you picked that target.

I will first target an actor’s production company, as I believe I will need to seek producers who have a passion for stand-up comedy

4. Answer the question “What I learned today is…?”

To embrace marketing and enjoy the creativity of it. That working on the marketing of my script may lead to breakthroughs in ideas for improving the next draft of my script. The difference between a logline and a concept. That “wordsmithing” isn’t a good pitch tactic.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by  Jane Alcala.

[Jane Alcala]

Jane Alcala

I agree to the terms of this release form.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by  Jane Alcala.

[Jane Alcala]

Comparing Lead Characters to Concept, Theme, and Each Other’s Traits:

Concept: A sex-worker turned comedian must save her failing stand-up career by manipulating her arch enemy–a skittish probation officer–to face-off against her in a TV roast battle.

Dara Phan, protagonist:

Motivation: to become rich and famous as a stand-up comedian

Against antagonist Pat McCarthy’s trait: Pat is callous toward people because she feels like she’s never fit in, and people don’t like her. Pat initially has no intention of helping Dara with her stand-up career.

Dara and Pat both need evidence that they truly care about each other as individuals–and accept each other’s quirks–before either of them is truly willing to help the other one out.

Pat starts to pick up hints that Dara can really care for her and accept her, which is why she starts to care about Dara. Dara–having felt like Pat betrayed her when she most needed her–is more resistant to forgiving Pat and moving on.

Pat is resistant to helping Dara with her career by being in the TV roast battle until Dara and her friends show Pat what it’s like to be welcomed into their comedy posse. For the first time ever, Pat feels like she belongs. Dara’s career break depends on Pat agreeing to be in the Roast Battle.

(plan to complete this later)

Comparing Lead Characters to Theme:

Theme of film: Can enemies help each other move forward with their lives?

–Dara resents Pat for messing up what she believes to be her one and only big break in comedy

–Pat resents Dara for holding Pat responsible for this when Dara was also at fault

–Pat is stuck in her life: she’s been suspended from her job based on a mistake she made in being too obsessive over caring for animals. She’s also depressed, isolated and has no friends.

–When Dara is offered a comedy break to appear on TV for a roast battle–as long as she gets Pat to be her battle partner–Dara’s ambition gets the better of her and she becomes determined to engage Pat to do it.

–In training Pat for the roast battle, Pat finally sees what she’s been missing in not caring about or being involved with people. She finds herself genuinely wanting to help people, including Dara.

–Pat is also in need of a career change and, through her conflict and eventual friendship with Dara, finds a career that is a better fit for her.

–Dara is finally able to admit that she has shortcomings that contribute to her problems in life.

–Roast battling is about telling people painful truths about themselves. When Pat and Dara are in the roast battle, they finally get to telling each other truths the other isn’t willing to face.

(assignment to be continued)

[Jane Alcala]

What I learned from Assignment Four: That an opening can encapsulate major themes of the movie and lots of subtext right off the bat in a deceptively simple way. That subtle humor knocks me out.

Movie Title: Swingers

Lead Character Name: Mike

Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?

Mike has an outstanding introduction. It’s immediately clear that he’s desperately searching for answers as to how to get back an ex-girlfriend who has obviously broken up with him. The audience can clearly see why the answers aren’t clear to him–he simply can’t accept the loss and is reaching for straws at every turn, including begging for answers that will magically bring her back to him. Mike is basically a good guy, who is also witty, a great dancer, emotionally raw, intelligent, but with glaring blind spots. He is ultimately attractive to women. Character also allows actor to express a broad range of emotions, and to win in the end.

What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?

Mike is dealing with a heavy personal and universal issue: being rejected. He is openly desperate and vulnerable, engaging both his friends and the audience’s sympathy. We’ve all felt what he’s feeling, but most of us haven’t been able or willing to show as much pain and desperation to his friends as Mike is compelled to show. He allows audience to live through emotional extremes. As he is the fool, audience can also laugh at him, and at our own feelings about being rejected.

What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?

Mike allows himself to be mentored on getting over break-up by an apparently cool, emotionally unaffected and “with it” friend, Rob, including joining Rob on a trip to Las Vegas, and going out swing dancing.

How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?

By a clear, concise, funny conversation between two men

What is this character’s emotional range?

Worried, despondent, anxious, bitter, desperate, hopeful, irritated, excited, weak, self-assured.

What subtext can the actor play?

That dealing with loss is a process, there are no easy fixes. Loss drives us all crazy and causes us to act like a fool.

What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?

With his friend Rob, who both genuinely wants to help Mike recover from heartache, but also wants to recruit Mike to be a steady wingman and fellow player

How is this character’s unique voice presented?

Through Mike’s ability to be painfully honest and unfiltered.

What makes this character special and unique?

He’s incapable of keeping up a macho front, as men are expected to do.

(Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)

<b style=”font-size: 1rem;”>EXT. “BOURGEOIS PIG” COFFEEHOUSE – COUCHES AND TABLE IN FRONT 2

        WINDOW - NIGHT

        ROB sits down next to Mike, pouring himself some tea.

                             MIKE

                   And what if I don't want to give up on

                   her?

                             ROB

                   You don't call.

                             MIKE

                   But you said I shouldn't call if I

                   wanted to give up on her.

                             ROB

                   Right.

                             MIKE

                   So I don't call either way.

                             ROB

                   Right.

                             MIKE

                   So what's the difference?

                             ROB

                   The only difference between giving up and

                   not giving up is if you take her back

                   when she wants to come back.  See, you

                   can't do anything to make her want to

                   come back.  You can only do things to

                   make her not want to come back.

                             MIKE

                   So the only difference is if I forget

                   about her or pretend to forget about her.

                             ROB

                   Right.

                             MIKE

                   Well that sucks.

                             ROB

                   It sucks.

                             MIKE

                   So it's almost a retroactive decision.

                   So I could, like, let's say, forget about

                   her and when she comes back make like I

                   just pretended to forget about her.

                             ROB

                   Right...or more likely the opposite.

                             MIKE

                   Right...  Wait, what do you mean?

                             ROB

                   I mean first you'll pretend not to care,

                   not call - whatever, and then,

                   eventually, you really won't care.

                             MIKE

                   Unless she comes back first.

                             ROB

                   Ah, see, that's the thing.  Somehow they

                   don't come back until you really don't

                   care anymore.

                             MIKE

                   There's the rub.

                             ROB

                   There's the rub.

                             MIKE

                   Thanks, man.  Sorry we always talk about

                   the same thing all the time...

                             ROB

                   Hey man, don't sweat it.

                             MIKE

                   ...It's just that you've been there.

                   Your advice really helps.

                             ROB

                   No problem.

                             MIKE

                   Rob, I just want you to know, you're the

                   only one I can talk to about her.

                             ROB

                   Thanks.  Thanks, man.

· T

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Jane Alcala.

[Jane Alcala]

What I learned from Assignment No. 3: Since I’ve already written my screenplay, and have at this point refined a lot of my extrapolations and character traits, I found it difficult to come up with new/better choices than the ones I’ve already settled on. I pushed myself to come up with different answers on the new level of special, but didn’t find any new answers that greatly appealed to me. I was mostly able to put the best of what I already have into categories for one character.

I will consider revisiting this assignment, once I’ve completed the others.

Pat McCarthy:

Trait: From callous about people to wanting to go out of her way to engage and help people

[profound]

Trait: wanting to keep people at a distance to being explicit about this [cool]

Trait: reserved/cautious to anxiety attack [intense]

Trait: using humor to make light of her disappointment in people to weaponizing her humor to express her disappointment with people [intense]

[Jane Alcala]

What I learned from Lesson No. 2: That defining my protagonist’s character arc is difficult

OPTIONAL TRAITS

Protagonist: Dara Phan

Character Arc: Bitter/grudge holding to accepting her own shortcomings. From victimhood to being able to acknowledge fault and forgive. Learning that getting what she wants out of life will come from her ability to forgive.

Fear/Wound: Pat ruined her “big break” in comedy career, and she’ll never get another chance as good

Mission/Agenda: Get Pat to commit to doing TV roast battle against her

Secret: Her attachment to ex-boyfriend can wig her out/take her down

Values: independence, dominating with humor

Attitude: cavalier

The defining event in their life: Pat blocked her from doing a comedy show that would have led to her big break in comedy world.

Motto they live by: “Can’t I ever catch a break?”

Main issues in life: overcoming defeat, making up with arch enemy

Most proud of: ability to perform stand-up comedy

Paradox (warring elements): A loyal, caring friend who mistrusts people

What can’t they face: Losing out on another big comedy career break

Anything else you think important: NA

Antagonist: Pat McCarthy

Character Arc: from self-isolating to making a tried and true friend

Fear/Wound: that she can’t be forgiven and doesn’t fit in with other people

Mission/Agenda: to return to her job as a probation officer/status quo

Secret: Pat relishes relationships based on humor

Values: rule-abiding, caring for animals

Attitude: self-protective

The defining event in their life: losing job over a mistake

Motto they live by: “pets never let you down.”

Main issues in life: feels she never fits in with people, is insecure about her future

Most proud of: ability to care for animals

Paradox (warring elements): likes engaging people with humor/mistrusts people

What can’t they face: that she needs people

Anything else you think important: NA

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Jane Alcala.

[Jane Alcala]

What I learned from this lesson:

That I still need to refine the character Arc for Dara Phan. I’m struggling to put the subtext of her main character arc into words.

It was helpful to think in terms of what I think makes my main characters attractive as roles. I hope this will help me in eventually pitching script.

<b style=”background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>ACTOR ATTRACTOR Model for CHARACTER 1

Lead Character Name: Dara Phan, Protagonist

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?

Quick-witted badass with both comical and outrageous past as an erotic massage girl.

2. What makes this character one of the most
interesting characters in the movie?

Dara cleverly schemes to get what she wants and generally outwits (literally and figuratively) everyone else.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?

Treating a dive bar stand-up set like it’s the gig of her life; spontaneously roasting her ex-probation officer, Pat; confronting Pat at comedy festival; trying to talk Pat into roast battling her on TV; scheming to convince Pat to do the roast battle; asking an A-list comedian to battle her instead; using knowledge of Pat’s weaknesses to manipulate her; disrupting her own romantic/sexual interlude with a friend; spying at entertainment studio after roast battle audition; returning to sex work; stopping herself from going through with it; going to save Pat; roast battling Pat on TV; defending Pat from A-list comedian; joining A-list comedian’s tour and TV show.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?

Dara is making the best of a miserable stand-up gig she got for herself and her posse of stand-up comics. We see that she’s the leader of the group, eagerly rolls with the punches and handles an unruly crowd by roasting the audience.

Alternately: She could be having a conversation with her best friend before she goes onstage at a comedy festival.

5. What is this character’s emotional range?

Put-upon, un-phased, shocked, elated, determined, staggered, angry, frustrated, hopeful, discouraged, devastated, callous, caring, suspicious, furious, romantic, heart-warmed.

6. What subtext can the actor play?

Dara is constantly scheming and pivoting to get what she wants. It’s clear that she needs to be able to forgive and embrace her true spirit of caring for others.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?

With Pat, the ex-probation officer, protagonist. Dara believes Pat ruined her big break to make it in comedy/entertainment, though Pat was also responsible for Dara getting into stand-up in the first place. They have more in common than either thinks they do. Resolving past issues between them and becoming friends is what will help them resolve their personal struggles with trusting people in general.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?

Through her ability to be instantly creative and make the best of bad situations.

9. What makes this character special and unique?

She’s a sex worker turned stand-up comedian, willing to reveal her questionable past onstage. Because she’s clever, witty and found her true calling as a comic, her struggle to make it as a comedian is endearing.

ACTOR ATTRACTOR Model for CHARACTER 2

Lead Character Name: Pat McCarthy

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?

Pat is full of intriguing contradictions. She can at turns be brave and bold; and sometimes skittish. She goes from being a diehard loner to wanting to be part of a group and genuinely help others. She can be witty and wiley if pushed into a corner.

2. What makes this character one of the most
interesting characters in the movie?

Pat is a suspended probation officer who got in trouble for a quirky reason: her obsession with saving one of her parolee’s pets. For solace, Pat turned to taking a stand-up comedy class, which leads to her being in same comedy festival as Dara. Pat’s wit and ability to be reached by humor makes her a worthy opponent for Dara.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?

Performing at a stand-up comedy festival; allowing Dara to drive her home from festival, even though Dara had just confronted her: allowing Dara into her home; admitting her failure to Dara; walking shelter dogs at Dara’s insistence: allowing herself to be trained for a roast battle; going to party she fears going to; auditioning for TV roast battle; tricking Dara into “rescuing” her; performing at TV roast battle; confronting host at TV roast battle; going to dog shelter and finding Dara there.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?

She’s telling funny jokes about being a probation officer at a stand-up comedy festival. So she’s presented as unique.

5. What is this character’s emotional range?

Competent, cool, Indifferent. depressed, skeptical, anxious, panicked, relieved, excited, heart-warmed, happy.

6. What subtext can the actor play?

It’s clear that Pat is missing out on life by isolating herself and living in fear.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?

With the protagonist Dara. Dara is able to influence Pat to the point that Pat is forever changed by their friendship.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?

Through her wisecracks and sarcasm.

9. What makes this character special and unique?

Pat is uniquely open to new experience, despite her fears. She can be reached through humor and in the end responds to being accepted for her quirks.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Jane Alcala.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Jane Alcala.

[Jane Alcala]

Adding to What I Learned after Watching Video:

That what makes a character special is not simply a special character trait, but a major contradiction in how they relate to the world of the script.

In my script, Dara claims to hate Pat, but she’s determined to work with Pat on roast battle, meaning that she must inevitably get closer to Pat

Pat appears to shun people, but, in agreeing to the roast battle, puts herself in a situation where she’s forced to confront her feelings about Dara and their past together

[Jane Alcala]

Assignment AFTER Looking at Casablanca Handout:

I added some ideas after reading Casablanca example about Rick.

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT:

In particular, this assignment helped me refine the wants and needs of my characters in ways I hadn’t thought of before.

It also helped me to focus more on both of the characters’ inherent contradictions.

Based on the handout, I added a paradox and a dilemma for each character

Jane Alcala’s Lead Characters UPDATED:

Lead Character 1 name: Dara Phan

Role in the Story: Protagonist, former “erotic massage” sex worker turned stand-up comedian desperate to make it in show business

Age Range: 28-34

Core Traits: Aggrieved, determined, impulsive, badass, loyal to friends, romantic and caring at heart

Subtext: Dara deals with childhood wounds by feeling entitled to manipulate

Motivation: Want: to make it in show business for fame and money

Need: to learn to have authentic relationships that grow out of resolving conflict, being able to forgive and accepting fault

Flaw: inability to accept fault for her own shortcomings

Special about character: quick witted. Self sufficient, but craves close, caring relationships.

Paradox: A kind-hearted woman with a gruff exterior

Dilemma: Between joining forces with her arch enemy, Pat, or losing out on another career break

Character Logline: Dara Phan, a sex-worker turned comedian, must save her failing stand-up career by manipulating her probation officer to face off against her in a TV roast battle.

<div><div>

Lead Character 2 name: Pat McCarthy

Role in the story: Antagonist, down-on-her-luck, isolated and suspended probation officer who dabbles in stand-up while awaiting ruling on fate of her job.

Age Range: 35-40

Core traits: socially awkward, rigid, anxious, competent

Subtext: uses sarcasm and wisecracks; due to childhood wounds, Pat trusts and cares for animals over people. She’s overly sentimental about animals. She craves connection and belonging with people.

Motivation: Wants to get her job back and avoid change

Need: to learn to truly care for people

Flaw: inability to deeply care about people

Paradox: Pat appears to shun people in general, but tried stand-up comedy in order to connect with people through humor.

Dilemma: Between doing something (a roast battle) she finds offensive versus making it up to Dara for causing Dara to miss out on a prior career break

Special about character: can be reached through humor

Character Logline: When Pat McCarthy, an isolated, down-on-her-luck probation officer agrees to face-off against her nemesis–and ex-parolee–in a TV roast battle, she ironically learns what caring for others is truly about. </div><div>

Copyright Hal Croasmun, 2002 – 2022, all rights reserved
http://www.ScreenwritingU.com

For support questions, please email us at support@screenwritingu.com

0

</div></div>

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[Jane Alcala]

A note on Lesson One: the further explanation on the goals for this class and the first assignment are exciting to me. I want to improve the emotional depth of my two main characters and script overall; and this course appears to be exactly what I need right now. Watching “Casablanca” with Hal’s questions in mind has been very helpful too. The excellent contradictions of both the main characters–including that their contradictory natures make them such a great romantic match–has been a pleasure to study.

[Jane Alcala]

I am able to open the pdf on Example from Casablanca, but still unable to open the video for Monday assignment. The error message on video reads: “You must complete previous assignment.”

I’ll see if that changes later today, so I can complete the After Portion of Monday assignment.

On another matter: I am traveling Wednesday-Friday, so may have to turn in our next assignment late.

[Jane Alcala]

Assignment Post Prior to Looking at Casablanca Handout:

Jane Alcala’s Lead Characters

Lead Character 1 name: Dara Phan

Role in the Story: Protagonist, former “erotic massage” sex worker turned stand-up comedian desperate to make it in show business

Age Range: 28-34

Core Traits: Aggrieved, determined, impulsive, badass

Subtext: manipulates by “massaging truth” and coming up with schemes

Motivation: Want: to make it in show business for fame and money

Need: to learn to have authentic relationships that grow out of resolving conflict, being able to forgive and accepting fault

Flaw: inability to accept fault for her own shortcomings

Special about character: quick witted

Character Logline: Dara Phan, a sex-worker turned comedian, must save her failing stand-up career by manipulating her probation officer to face off against her in a TV roast battle.

<div><div>

Lead Character 2 name: Pat McCarthy

Role in the story: Antagonist, down-on-her-luck, isolated and suspended probation officer who dabbles in stand-up while awaiting ruling on fate of her job.

Age Range: 35-40

Core traits: socially awkward, rigid, anxious, competent

Subtext: uses sarcasm and wisecracks

Motivation: Wants to get her job back and avoid change

Need: to learn to truly care for people

Flaw: inability to deeply care about people

Special about character: can be reached through humor

Character Logline: When Pat McCarthy, an isolated, down-on-her-luck probation officer agrees to face-off against her nemesis–and ex-parolee–in a TV roast battle, she ironically learns what caring for others is truly about. </div><div>

Copyright Hal Croasmun, 2002 – 2022, all rights reserved
http://www.ScreenwritingU.com

For support questions, please email us at support@screenwritingu.com

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</div></div>

[Jane Alcala]

Elizabeth: I too wasn’t able to access the the Day 1 Lesson yesterday. I received support help through a ticket, and the lesson is available to me today.

[Jane Alcala]

1. Name: Jane

2. How many scripts you’ve written? One feature length comedy script

3. What you hope to get out of the class? Learn ways to make my script more appealing to actors; hope to come up with idea for next script

4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? For 20 years of my life, I went out Swing dancing 3 nights a week.

[Jane Alcala]

Hello, I’m Jane Alcala. “I agree to the terms of this release form.”

[Jane Alcala]

Hi Robert,

I know it’s late in the class to give you my feedback, but hope you’re still checking in on this forum.

GENRE: LEGAL THRILLER

TITLE: “Beach Girl of the Year.”

My Note: I like the title and think it encompasses more of the story than “The Plaintiff” or “The Complaintant.” I might still consider the title, “Bubble Gum Pink,” especially if you end up making story more about Brandy Crofton and less about the legal case. I happen to like the angle that no one who would call herself, “Bubble Gum” would have it in her to file a landmark lawsuit and become an advocate for women. I’m unlcear about the era or decade this film is set in. I think your query should indicate that.

PICTURE: “The Accused” meets “The People vs. Larry Flynt.”

Brandy Crofton’s death is unsolved. Was it suicide or murder by her abusive Russian Mobster boyfriend who was found shot to death by Brandy’s teenage daughter?

My note: I personally don’t think that Brandy’s unsolved death is the most interesting thing about her story, so I wouldn’t lead with this hook. If you haven’t yet written the script, I also might consider making her death and even the lawsuit less important–especially if most of this is fiction.

Her life was a quest for an acting career as a new “It girl,” but she chose a career path of stripper to centerfold until coerced into explicit sex in a film project by her mob-connected skin magazine-mogul boss.

My note: I like this (above) sentence better as your opening hook. Here’s my stab at a query rewrite:

Brandy Crofton preferred the name “Bubble Gum Pink” as she pursued her dream to become the next ’60s era “It Girl.” But the lure of fame led her from stripper to centerfold to acting in a porn flick–which blackballed her in Hollywood.

No shrinking violet, however, Brandy turns the tables on the mobster skin-magazine mogul who coerced her down this lurid path. After winning a landmark sexual harrassment lawsuit against him, she’s catapulted into the role of her life: advocate for women’s rights and workplace justice.

But the dark connections Brandy’s made aren’t so easily shaken. Though she’s now on the path to help others, will she be able to save herself?

_______________________________________________________________

Just some thoughts, Robert. Your overall idea interests me. All best with this script!

Jane

[Jane Alcala]

Hi Robert, Just FYI, I plan to comment on your assingnment and post mine this coming weekend–have gotten behind in assignments 11 & 12, but plan to complete them. Thanks, Jane

[Jane Alcala]

Ha! Super concept and description of your show, Robert! Hope the opening went great–and you can turn this one into a screenplay.

[Jane Alcala]

Hi John,

Not sure if you’re checking in on this forum any more. One thing I especially love in your story is that the Jester ends up opening a comedy club. Hilarious concept. Overall, I’m intrigued by your story. I do agree with Christi about the clinical language and reducing it, particularly for marketing. Sperm, injecting and impregnating sound too raw to me.

Jane

[Jane Alcala]

Thanks for your reply, Christi. I hope you can use some of my notes. I hope we all keep checking in here this week. I’m also behind and need the week to wrap this class up.

[Jane Alcala]

Hi Christi,

Thanks for these great notes! With all the different types of pitches from the lessons, I got confused about how much goes into the query letter. Thanks to your notes, I returned to Lesson 5 with the sample query. I’m going to write my second draft with more beats and detail as you suggest. I’m glad to hear the concept sounds appealing to you.

Thanks again!

Jane

[Jane Alcala]

Hi Christi,

Here are my notes on your query letter etc.

What I’ve learned doing this assignment is that this script will wait until I’ve got more credibility with producers. It’s far too high a budget and I’m a nobody.

My note on this: Could you see a way to making this a much lower budget film? Maybe change story to a contemporary setting so it’s not a period piece movie, which I know are more expensive. I think it’s great that you found an untapped Christie mystery, and I’d hope you can continue to work on this project.

Query Letter:

Imagine you’re the great grandson of Agatha Christie, Grand Dame of the British Empire and you have one job: Maintain the Copyrights.

The one that got away? The Man in the Brown Suit.

Note: Great hook!

What is it, you ask?

Note/suggestion: What’s it about, you ask?

Orphaned and homeless but with a sudden stroke of luck, Anne Beddingfeld tries to endear herself to her late father’s friends while joining the hunt for stolen diamonds.

Note: I’m wondering if you instead have a couple sentences about the story’s central mystery and something about the man in the brown suit? I don’t yet sense what the mystery is or how the title figures in.

On her way, she meets an overbearing southern belle, a handsome but brooding stranger, a transgender agent of fortune and a morally ambiguous millionaire who wants to adopt her.

Pretty impressive for 1921, huh?

Note: I like the cast of characters, but I’m still unclear about the conflict Anne faces with them. I’m also not sure about “pretty impressive for 1921” about all the characters, though I am surprised Christie wrote a transgender character.

Now imagine you’re the great granddaughter of a British orphan that emigrated to Canada at 13 years old and have developed a talent that rivals the Grand Dame herself.

Note: Is this you, Christi, and are you also a mystery writer? My suggestion would be to make this clearer.

From the mind of Agatha Christie and updated by Christi Falk, a tale of love, loss and belonging in Public Domain that is powerfully relevant today.

Note: I would again play up the mystery aspect of the story, rather than the love, loss of the story. I’m also not clear on how story is powerfully relevant today.

If you’re interested, I’d be happy to send you the script.

If not, I have other features I would love to present in it’s place.

Note: Again, Christi, I think you have a great idea here, and hope you can see a way to moving forward with it!

Jane

[Jane Alcala]

Congratulations on your play production, Robert! “Angels in Gangland” is an excellent title–I’m intrigued. Glad that you’re still checking in on this thread as well. I may not get to my comments til Monday.

[Jane Alcala]

Hi Isti,

You have an intriguing concept, and good hook in that your story is based on a popular Hungarian novel

Here are my notes/edit suggestions:

Imagine a world where everything is controlled by committee–even the very laws of nature can be rewritten.

Note: the word “treaties” killed the excitement for me, as it made the concept too remote. I chose the word “committee” because it suggests a group of people getting together to hash out new rules/laws–and the human part of the process before the treaties are signed. I think we can all relate to the horror of comittees ruling every aspect of our lives.

Simon–one of the most powerful contractors ever lived, with his 8 year old daughter arrives in a country under military occupation, where he is about to make the most influential contract ever made, one that will literally cripple the people who live there.

Notes: I don’t know what you mean by Simon being “one of the most powerful contractors.” I’m only familiar with a contractor being someone who does labor construction jobs. If that’s not what you mean, I think you’ll need a more precise description of what he does. Also, “most powerful” is unclear. Do you mean most successful of all time?

My guess at a rewrite is this:

Simon–one of the world’s top contract negotiators–ruthlessly proposes a deal that will leave an entire country’s population crippled.

Note: by “crippled” do you mean that individuals will be unable to walk or do you mean that Simon’s contract will “cripple” the country in some undefined way? I would say exactly what the contract will do.

And while he has all the power in the world, when riots break out across the country and his daughter is seriously injured in the chaos, he must break every contract he has ever made and face the fact that only his most dangerous enemy can help him.

Note: I’d rewrite something like, “However, when Simon’s daughter is severly injured in the country’s ensuing riots. he wakes up to the horror of his ways. With the new law unleashed, he realizes that only his most dangerous enemy can help him turn back time.

BIO: For both of his feature films (Loop, 2016 and Halfway Home, 2022) Isti has won the Silver Mélies-award for Best European Sci-Fi Film and directed one of Hungary’s biggest-budget TV series.

Excellent bio! Congrats.

Given my understanding of the query, I also might consider cutting it down to your best hooks:

Imagine a world where everything is controlled by committee–even the laws of nature can be rewritten.

When a top contract negotiator’s daughter is gravely injured in a riot he sparked, he must enlist a dangerous enemy to help him turn back time.

The screenplay is adabpted from the bestselling Hungarian novel, “Kontrakt.”

BIO: For both of his feature films (Loop, 2016 and Halfway Home, 2022) Isti has won the Silver Mélies-award for Best European Sci-Fi Film and directed one of Hungary’s biggest-budget TV series.

I’m not suggesting you use my exact words, Itsi, but just giving you my take.

Thanks,

Jane

• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  Jane Alcala.

google.com

Google

Google

[Jane Alcala]

Hi Isti, Just FYI, I plan to comment on your assingnment and post mine this coming weekend–have gotten behind in assignments 11 & 12, but plan to complete them. Thanks, Jane

[Jane Alcala]

Hi John, Just FYI, I plan to comment on your assingnment and post mine this coming weekend–have gotten behind in assignments 11 & 12, but plan to complete them. Thanks, Jane

[Jane Alcala]

Wow, Robert, you’ve hooked me. I also like the title, “The Complaintant,” because it ironically references that women who bring up sexual harrassment are just complainers and also suggests to me that this woman was especially savvy to take her complaint to court. I only wish that word tripped off the tongue more easily. I think you could also go with “Bubble Gum Pink.” Wondering how you came across this story… I’m sad to hear she was murdered. Did this happen after court case was resolved?

• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by  Jane Alcala.

[Jane Alcala]

Adding in that you seem to have great ideas for characters. Love the detail of the cross-dressing agent for instance. I like that you’re updating the Christie characters to reveal things about them that wouldn’t have been acceptable to reveal in her time, but can give the characters more depth. Using a little known and disgarded Christie title seems ideal too. The title, The Man in the Brown suit is very appealingly mysterious to me. It says so much so simply too–a man who appears to be the picture of ordinary on the surface.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by  Jane Alcala.

[Jane Alcala]

Thanks for all of the encouragement, Christi. I’m glad to hear that you found my components interesting.

🙂

[Jane Alcala]

Enjoyed reading your about your marketable components. I like how you found a way to legally use Agatha Christie’s work.

[Jane Alcala]

Thanks Elisabeth! Glad you’re still hanging in there with the class despite the glitches. I think I did copy my assignments to a document, so I’ll go ahead and repost. Appreciate you asking. All best with Assignment No. 2!