[Jason]

Jason’s Creating Irony!

What I learned doing this assignment is the continued importance of subtext, intentions playing against words and the interior monologue is essential in maintaining sound psychological character arcs throughout the story. Without irony, surface conflicts are fleeting. In acting, some of the most impactful moments occur when the obstacle is stronger than the intention—and choices must be made to preserve self, or risk everything.

ASSIGNMENT 1

L O S T

Irony Examples:

It takes a plane crash to bring out the best in people.

Jack’s spent his life doing what his father tells him. When he speaks out against him, he feels to blame for his father’s decline and death. Now that he feels like a complete failure, his father’s driving ethic is what drives him to act quickly after the plane crash, and establishes him as a leader among the survivors.

Hurley uses a combination of numbers to win the lottery and finds himself attempting to escape anything associated with them due to horrible misfortune to those around him—and finds himself in the one place that may be the cursed numbers origin.

Kate is a loner, manipulator and survivor—as her secrets come to light on the island, she must place herself in others’ hands to survive.

Sun intended to leave her husband Jin, but stayed due to hope mixed with fear. Post- crash, Jin strives to proves himself worthy of her love by leaving her in search of rescue.

Locke has always been alone, wishing he could be worth something, an explorer; now that he’s able to walk, he gets his wish—but no one trusts him as he’s compelled to go places others fear.

Charlie kicks his drug habit with Locke’s help—and then Locke discovers a crashed smugglers’ plane carrying more heroin than Charlie’s ever seen.

ASSIGNMENT 2

Dreaming Wide Awake

The lives changing from their exposure to Gina’s work are motivated to let go in order to be honest, real, themselves—which for some means losing everything.

Gina’s rejection in life motivates her reality; the fear of judgment and condemnation in her private world is terrifying. Despite believing her journal to be her only safe place from others, Gina must share it with others in order to become whole.

Maggie intends for Gina to be recognized for her brilliance; she doesn’t realize overnight fame will completely disrupt every aspect of her friend’s life.

If Gina didn’t shun social media she’d have known her first crush in 15 years is gay.

When Mark confronts Maggie on her interfering in Gina’s life, he doesn’t anticipate it lighting a fuse to blow up their own secure existence.

As Chris develops his friendship with Gina, he realizes he’s been completely dishonest with some of the most important aspects of his own life.

Parker has come thousands of miles to start a new life where he could be himself; he learns that running from his old self does not qualify.

Workaholics Maggie and Mark get into their first major argument in 20 years of marriage regarding their work habits, security and goals for the future—during which both end up in the hospital briefly unable to work due to a freak accident.

Chris realizes Gina is more popular for material she didn’t mean to share than he is for the work he’s created to cultivate his fame.

Gina’s vivid written fantasy world paves the way for many to rediscover the wonder of reality.

Every character in the story arc must risk losing everything in order to become who they truly are.

[Jason]

Jason’s Plot and Character Layers

What I learned doing this assignment is I can get swept up in scores of rabbit-run layers and have to fight to keep it simpler. In well-written feature scripts there can be dozens of layers, particularly if there are many characters. In a series—it’s hard not to begin running and then realize you’re miles away from where you started, and that some of the exploration has deviated from the original intent—sometimes for the awesome, and sometimes as a distraction that changes not only the direction but the tone and perhaps the genre itself. There was already a lot to this–now there’s so much more it’s almost daunting.

ASSIGNMENT 1

L O S T

First Season Layers

Plot Surface

Layer 1: Oceanic 815 crashes on an island thousands of miles off course; the survivors must deal with their new surroundings and discover any means to increase their chances for rescue.

Layer 2: Mystery
The island is hostile and deadly for some, a miracle for others, seemingly dependent upon how they react to the new circumstances of the unknown.

Layer 3: The Story Changes
The plane isn’t the first vessel to wreck here; remains and survivors of previous mishaps begin to surface suggesting the crash is not random.

Layer 4: Hidden Agenda

People who were not on the flight infiltrate the survivors for their own purposes; previous island denizens are drawn to the wreck to warn them—or to control them.

Layer 5: Hidden History

A 16 year old message calls for help but warns those who might hear it. A hatch is discovered leading deep into the earth, built by strangers. Multiple clues suggest the island is controlled by “Others”.

Layer 6: Betrayal
There are those on the island who do have no interest in rescue and will do whatever it takes to ensure it does not occur.

Example Character Surfaces

Jack
Layer 1: Noble doctor driven to save lives and heal

Layer 2: Operates out of need to prove himself

Layer 3: Shame instilled by father motivates perfectionism

Layer 4: Feels responsible for father’s self-destruction and death

Layer 5: Incapable of accepting he cannot save everyone

Layer 6: His guilt/shame/anger sabotages his relationships

Kate
Layer 1: Beautiful, fearless and ideal helpmeet

Layer 2: Attracted to Jack

Layer 3: Discovered she was a prisoner of US Marshal on flight

Layer 4: Was a victim of circumstances

Layer 5: Created some of the circumstances she’s a victim to

Layer 6: Uses whatever means necessary to ensure her survival, potentially including her relationships with Jack and Sawyer, the alpha males

Layer 7: Responsible for at least 3 violent deaths prior to the island

Locke

Layer 1: Explorer, adventurer, discoverer

Layer 2: Was paraplegic before the crash and woke up healed

Layer 3: Was timid box salesman with no relationship skills

Layer 4: Believed he could solve his disability on a walkabout in Australia he’d spent years preparing for and was denied participation in

Layer 5: Grew up in foster care; met parents as an adult who used and betrayed him

Layer 6: No desire for rescue, he’s driven to discover the truth of the island

ASSIGNMENT 2

Dreaming Wide Awake

Potential Layers

Plot surface

Layer 1: A Reclusive woman’s journal is read on the air without prior consent and upends her isolated, unassuming life.

Layer 2: The journal arrests attention of those who hear it, prompting instantaneous reactions first locally then virally after a visiting celebrity lauds more of her work.

Layer 3: The celebrity is fascinated with the author and develops a friendship with her; she knows nothing about him, as she uses the internet sparingly for reading or music.

Layer 4: People hearing the same words are transported to differing, vivid personal experiences addressing long-lost wonder, unreconciled feelings and untapped desires, provoking change.

Layer 4: The author’s employer, responsible for wanting to bring the author acclaim and giving her writing to the news station, comes to terms with the unhappiness in her marriage and life and confronts her husband, who reveals his own unhappiness with the circumstances—before both are hospitalized in a freak accident.

Layer 5: The only other acquaintance the author has is the bartender she’s met once through her employer, who charges him to watch out for the author while she’s hospitalized. Unbeknownst to her, he moved to the small town to start over and isolate himself from relationships due to guilt from his past. He accepts because the employer is one of his only friends.

Layer 6: The author, the celebrity and the bartender all have deep rooted secrets they don’t typically talk about.

Layer 7: A young doctor rediscovers her through her newfound fame; he arrives in town to reconnect, revealing the author was a former prodigy who seemingly disappeared shortly after graduating a prestigious arts school at 17—nearly 20 years ago. He remembers his father treating her as an outpatient for borderline anthropophobia—sudden bursts of intense fear of people—and social anxiety disorder, believed to have been the result of circumstances in her youth.

Layer 8: The Doctor does not have her best interests at heart, as a previous altercation regarding her and her father ruined his career, which she has no knowledge of.

Character Surface

Gina

Layer 1: Dreamer, shy, full of wonder

Layer 2: A prodigy, able to pick up languages/music incredibly fast, possessing a superior semantic memory (Able to remember episodes in her life as though reliving it)

Layer 3: Being around people is often overwhelming for her; she reads intentions like she reads music, so lies and posing unravel quickly. As a defense mechanism she can adapt to people in a very brief period, becoming who she needs to be to escape.

Layer 4: She believes her condition wrecks people’s lives if she grows close to them
Layer 5: Blames herself for not being there more for her father after her mother’s death in her teenage years

Layer 6: Abandoned her upward climb to success as a virtuouso due to extreme anxiety, traveled the world anonymously

Layer 7: Suffered a breakdown and was institutionalized until her father found and retrieved her

Layer 8: Never revealed she was abused by her Doctor while institutionalized

Layer 9: She has PTSD, no disorders other than her genius, volitionally misdiagnosed because doctors wanted to keep, study and exploit her

Layer 10: Her journal began while institutionalized after praying for help, that she could show people who she really is

Maggie
Layer 1: Earthy, grounded get-it-done business owner

Layer 2: Wistful, resigned, wants the fire back

Layer 3: Lives vicariously through Gina’s writing

Layer 4: Is willing to risk losing everything to regain her soul

Layer 5: Loves her husband deeply, very afraid he’s not willing to change

Layer 6: Acts impetuously to help Gina, but realizes it’s more for her own need to live through her that she recklessly offers up her friend’s private life

Layer 7: Greatest desire is to escape mediocrity and live life fully again

Layer 8: Enlists Parker’s help to take care of Gina because she feels responsible for ‘outing’ her—but also because she selfishly wants all the details as well as trying to match-make them.

Mark

Layer 1: Good natured bear of a guy

Layer 2: Hates himself, what he’s become, can’t stand to look in a mirror due to his weight, sabotages himself out of resignation

Layer 3: Intensely loyal to his wife, defined by her security to the point he can’t see what she really wants, only what they need to get by.

Layer 4: Talented welder/artist, passion for expression dulled by routine and obligation

Layer 5: Biggest fear is losing Maggie, but feels helpless to be what he senses she wants—he has to be responsible and provide for her, so risk-taking is not an option; but fears she will leave him because he’s not enough.

Layer 6: At a core level, will leave everything behind and do anything for her, but first he has to believe he can.
Layer 7: Confronting her about her interfering with Gina’s life begins his journey of realization that she cannot define him—and is incredibly difficult to reconcile.

I could go on and on, and will.

[Jason]

Jason’s Big Picture Open Loops

What I learned doing this assignment is planning a limited series (7-8 episodes) is more constrained than planning a continuing series (multi-seasoned); while the potential for many loops still exists, the specifics of character/story arcs limit the big picture loops to a limited scale. Also, the more characters involved, the greater potential for open loops.

ASSIGNMENT 1

L O S T

Initial Big Picture Open Loops

1. Which Loops are established early on?

What caused the crash?

Will the survivors be rescued?

Is the island safe?

Who and What else are on the island?

Are there other survivors?

Are all of the main characters hiding something?

Are Kate and Jack going to be a thing—or Kate and Sawyer?

2. How are loops being used?

The pilot reveals plane off course by thousands of miles. How will anyone find them?
The pilot is then killed by giant unseen beast. A polar bear is killed. How are these creatures here? What other nastiness does the island hide?

Radios do not work, until they pick up a 16 year old transmission coming from the island itself that warns everyone is dead. Where is this coming from? Who made it? What killed them?

Kate is revealed to be a criminal, and very manipulative, so both men become wary of her. What does she want? Can she be sincere? Does she actually care about anyone but herself?

The Frenchwoman reveals there are Others on the island who are dangerous and that she had to kill her crewmembers due to them getting “sick.” Is she insane? Did she kill them for a good reason or not?

Locke reveals everyone on the island will be tested and find answers to what they’re looking for. How does he know? How did he get healed from his paralysis? What is he hiding?

Each principal character has a secret they’re carrying that they don’t want to share. How many of them are dangerous? What are their motivations? How will they continue to interact?

ASSIGNMENT 2

Dreaming Wide Awake

Initial Big Picture Open Loops

What is the transformative content of Gina’s writing that alters people’s lives upon reading/hearing it?

Will Maggie’s plan to bring fame/recognition to Gina work, or will it backfire?

Why is Gina self-isolating when she is skilled at interacting with others?

What is she hiding that she isn’t writing about?

Will Gina’s relationships with Parker or Chris become romantic?

Why are Parker and Chris really here? What are they hiding?

What effect will Chris’ viral reading and praise of Gina’s work have on her exposure?

What will happen psychologically/emotionally if Gina loses control of her safe life?

[Jason]

L O S T

MYSTERY ONE: THE CRASH

Shocking Event: TransAtlantic flight Oceanic 815 drops out of the sky and crashes on a remote island with many survivors relatively unharmed.

Secret: The crash might not be a random event, as certain characters show immediate positive (sometimes miraculous) benefits.

Investigation: As characters attempt to find a means of rescue or communication, they realize they are thousands of miles off course—and that they may not be alone on the island.

What: The crash split the plane in two high in the sky, the tail section missing. The survivors scramble to create shelters and strategize on rescue plans while exploring their immediate surroundings. There are hostile creatures in the islands’ interior, deterring exploration beyond the beach save for the bravest among them.

Where: According to a pilot who is killed by one of the island’s larger, unseen threats, the plane went down “at least a thousand” miles off course from Oceanic 815’s flight plan, believed to be somewhere in the South Pacific.

When: All of the characters at the onset are on the same flight n September 22, 2004.

Who: 48 people have survived the crash in the first episodes. It is doubtful other survivors are elsewhere on the island, as the tail broke off high in the air.

UNKNOWN:

Why: Why the crash occurred is a mystery.

How: How so many survived unscathed is unknown.

Ultimate Reveal: The crash is part of a larger plan revealed in the final season in which good and evil war for the continuance or destruction of the island as a portal for corporate time travel in effort to prolong the human race.

MYSTERY TWO: THE ISLAND

The island possesses mysteries that affect each character differently, personally; we’re drawn into their personal journeys as they negotiate the new territory, which draws out their hidden backstories.

Cover Up: The island seems to be like any other at the onset; we quickly learn that nothing seems to be random here, and that each character must face a reckoning that defines who they are.

Secret: The characters learn within hours they are not alone, and within days that they’re not the first to be stranded here. A radio broadcast from somewhere on the island is translated from French to have been looping for 16 years.

Reveals: There are animals that have no business being here, such as polar bears and gargantuan, tree-shaking beasts. There are also people here, one the author of the looping message who states there are “Others” who are “bad, sick people”; another, Ethan, integrates himself into the survivors from early on, kidnaps Claire, hangs Charlie and leaves him for dead and kills two others in order to secure the pregnant Claire’s imminent baby. A mysterious metal hatch is discovered by Locke and Boone, leading to something buried deep and impenetrable, out of place in the remote jungle, inscribed with a mysterious set of numbers—numbers comprising the original signal that the French woman’s research team responded to leading to their scuttling on the shoals, and which Hurley used to win the lottery but setting off a chain of freak accidents harming and sometimes killing people around him before his ill-fated flight.

What: The island presents immediate threats in the form of beasts and other people, but also cathartic properties that promote healing physically, mentally and spiritually.

When: We learn that for at least 16 years this island has been inhabited and associated with that random number set.

Where: The Frenchwoman confirms the island is in the South Pacific somewhere, as her research vessel happened upon the signal 3 days out of Tahiti but lost track of where they were in a storm before running aground.

UNKNOWN:

Who: The builders of the hatch and those responsible for the number system and transmission are unknown, as well as who the Others are. It is unknown if there are other Oceanic 815 survivors. Who the Frenchwoman is and why she deliberately remains a loner, hidden in the jungle and what she wants is a mystery.

Why: Why the signal exists, why Ethan was willing to kidnap and kill for Claire’s baby, why there are creatures on the island that are far out of their geographical biomes, and why the Hatch exists are unknown.

How: How Locke regains the use of his legs upon awakening from the crash, how Jack is led by his father into the jungle to reconcile his death, how Boone finds Shannon tied to a tree and weathers her death—only to find her alive back at camp—all of the personal reckonings confronting the passengers are supernatural at best and lethal at worst, and it is impossible to know how and why they are occurring.

Part Withheld:
The Island is transient, a machination where time travel research was performed
and executed by the scientifically Utopian research group The Dharma Initiative.

Ultimate Reveal: The numbers are an equation corresponding to the exact
number of years and months until humanity extinguishes itself, so the
Initiative performed research hoping to change at least one of the number in
the sequence to prolong human life. The characters on the island will travel “sideways”
in time to parallel realities and make decisions to live their new lives, or
stay and hopefully assist in the perpetuation of the human race.

[Jason]

LESSON 8 – ASSIGNMENT TWO

Jason Bortz’ Show Mysteries

What I learned doing this assignment is again, while effective as a tool for dissecting existing series, it’s challenging to map this sort of thing out from Pilot to Final Episode during the conceptual and formative stages of the creative process. As there are many unknowns, using these as a ‘shaping’ tool and benchmarks are effective and good, but outlining them all in a 48 hour period when only halfway through episode two of my own series isn’t realistic—I can let go of that pressure and focus on the assignment, I’ll just have to catch up.

Dreaming Wide Awake

MYSTERY ONE: THE JOURNAL

Shocking Event: Gina’s fantastical and wondrous private life is shared on live TV and online as her journal becomes the topic of an impromptu Human Interest segment—inciting a flood of calls from people wanting to know all about her.

Secret: What is it about the journal (of which the exposed section is only a small piece of many hard drives over many years) that prompts such a catalytic reaction and addiction from people?

Investigation: When people hear the segment and read what is made available on the news website, many want more; the words contained therein awaken hopes, desires and passions they’ve not felt (or kept hidden) for years.

What: Gina’s journal provokes visceral episodes and imagery in others equally as powerful as her own upon writing them.

Where: The entries prompt dreamlike participation from listeners, from their memories to their dreams to waking reality, in many locations depending on the hearer.

When: The journal spans decades of Gina’s life since the passing of her mother as a teen, but in others’ experiences they occur at any pertinent stage of their lives.

Why: The journal is made public by a Maggie in hopes Gina will see how brilliant she is and take steps to be more than just a temp.

UNKNOWN:

Who: The author Gina is a recluse, working as a temp for a salvage company. No one knows who she is, or why she’s reclusive.

How: It’s a mystery how evocative and magically the journal effects people.

Ultimate Reveal: The journal is a conduit for Gina’s gift of exposing people to the Divine; her entries transport the listeners to unresolved chapters of their lives that need healing, saving, redeeming, reconciling…or closure, forgiveness and accountability.

MYSTERY TWO: GINA SEMPLE

Cover Up: Gina writes in her journal as a series of love letters/visions/confessions to her Creator, as she has difficulty abiding with human beings. She’s an adept and empath—quick to learn communicative skills and adapt to others’ personalities, to read people’s masked intentions, but burdened with the intensity of others’ feelings and nearly incapable of lying. A superior autobiographic memory allows her to recall in detail events of her life as though she were reliving them; unfortunately, many of these have wounded her into self-induced agoraphobia. Her mother’s death began a years-long chain of events, including institutionalization, leading to her reclusivity in the present after the passing of her father.

Investigation: As her private life is threatened, Gina’s past begins resurfacing, along with a deep, protected secret in seeming contrast to the heightened reality of her journaling.

What: Gina’s private reality awakens a renewed zeal for life in her boss, and when shared with the world has a similar effect on many others who seek her out—including the man she ran from years ago.

Where: At the onset, the community of Point North, a small coastal town in the Northwest, 50 miles from the nearest metropolis.

When: Present day, end of the first week of December.

UNKNOWN:

Who: Gina’s journal-life presents alternate realities rich with color, vividity and poetic language. In reality, she does her best to remain as anonymous and reclusive as possible. Why? As flashbacks of her past begin to surface, that same wonder and childlike perspective of reality collides with moments of harsh human behavior, escalating in intensity both in joy and sorrow.

Why: What happened to her to confine her brilliance and hide from others? Is she on the Spectrum? Why is she borderline agoraphobic when moments reveal her to be clearly brilliant, savvy and observant? What hurt her so badly that drove her away from people when we learn she was a virtuoso and graduated from one of the most prestigious Arts schools in the country?

How: How does Gina snare people’s imaginations, passions and wistfulness through her writing? How does her work instantly incite people to wake up to things they considered long dead?

Part Withheld: Gina’s hyperintelligence/awareness, compassion for people and definitive discernment of character is overwhelming for her; the insistence from people in her past that she is “retarded,” “on the Spectrum”, “special needs” and the gamut of assumptions made about her “condition” prompted her withdrawal, and losing her parents meant the only one left to trust was God Himself, particularly after unintentional but deep wounding occurred within the church. Gina uses her journal as a form of pure worship without “religiosity”: to ponder, wrestle with, celebrate, rejoice and intimately commune with her God—she is unaware of the impact of her spirit on people, and Maggie’s ‘outing’ of her journal is the push she needs to offer her gift–and permission–to the world.

[Jason]

Jason’s Show Empathy/Distress

What I learned doing this assignment was it’s easy to go on for pages with layer upon layer of backstory and internal circumstances–there needs to be a balance between immersive details and easily grasped high concepts.

Assignment #1

L O S T

Example: Jack

Undeserved Misfortune: After begrudgingly following his estranged father to Australia at his mother’s behest, Jack finds his dad has drunk himself to death; when transporting the body back to the States, the plane crashes on a remote island.

External Character Conflicts:

Intentional: Jack is the only doctor among the survivors and, being a surgeon, is a natural leader—he has little time for people who don’t want to help, and less time for discussions about people’s ideologies or religion.

Unintentional: Other alpha males resent Jack’s ‘take charge’ personality; Jack’s pragmatic attitude rubs people the wrong way, and his drive to act immediately often proves impetuous to those with more experience in things “not medical.”

Plot Intruding on Life: Jack’s closure with his father is sabotaged by the plane crash, and the necessity of current circumstances allow no time to reconcile his internal chaos and feelings of guilt.

Moral Dilemmas: Jack cannot reveal he doesn’t believe he “has what it takes,” haunted by regret, shame and guilt over his father’s decline and death. His Hippocratic Oath to preserve life also conflicts with life-or-death situations which evolve that include overpowering/harming others, but the obstacle of his inner conflict at times overpowers his objective to heal and help.

Forced Decisions They’d Never Make: Jack tends to a mortally wounded Federal Marshal who asks Kate to kill him. Kate gives the gun to Sawyer, but Sawyer misses the heart. When Jack confronts Sawyer and learns the truth, he’s forced to kill the Marshal as he has no means of saving him. Jack also dives into the ocean to save a drowning woman, but finds another passenger, Boone, also swept up in the rip tide—Boone is closer, so he pulls him to safety and heads back for the woman, but cannot reach her in time; he blames himself for her death.

Assignment #2

Dreaming Wide Wake

UNDESERVED MISFORTUNE:

Gina: Once on her way to acclaim as a musical prodigy, manipulation and abuse by her manager forced an emotional and psychological withdrawal; after institutionalization, her caseworker reveals to her military hero father that she may be on the spectrum, or she may just be very smart, but she’s developed borderline agoraphobia; now, in the present, years after her parents’ death, she completely loses privacy and anonymity in her small town when her journal–the fantastical ‘safe place’ she has created for years–is broadcast without her consent, which prompts the listeners to experience wonderful, touching, inspiring, and sometimes unsettling effects.

Maggie: Hoping to help Gina recognize her brilliance, she traumatizes her instead, which causes rift with husband; then she breaks her tailbone—which reveals stage 2 lymphoma.

Chris: Chris is a Broadway star who finds he has HIV and has being living with it secretly for nearly a decade.

Parker: Too drunk to drive, Parker called his fiancé to pick him up–only to get into an argument with her in the car, resulting in a crash that takes her life. Parker severely beats a man who accuses him of being the driver and spends a year in jail, after which he moves to Point North to start over.

EXTERNAL CHARACTER CONFLICTS:

Gina:

Intentional: Gina shies away from going out and meeting people due to the deep wounding in her past. If pressured, we see more of her intellectual fortitude, which alienates others, which further drives Gina into her head.

Unintentional: Others find Gina weird and unrelatable—and Gina typically makes no effort to meet them halfway due to her own resolution that being alone is better because there’s no risk of pain.

Maggie:

Intentional: Maggie is a go-getter who doesn’t take no for an answer. Sometimes she should.

Unintentional: Maggie’s desire to help others often fails to actually take their wishes into consideration.

Chris:

Intentional: Chris is famous, and uses his fame if necessary as leverage for getting what he wants.

Unintentional: Chris is not arrogant by nature, but he is passionate, emotional and opinionated and unafraid to make a scene.

Parker:

Intentional: Parker doesn’t care about others’ feelings if they’re being stupid or blatantly ignorant, and has zero fear of conflict until it becomes a question of violence–he carries guilt for crippling a man.

Unintentional: His protection of his past makes him defensive and aloof in matters of his own heart, and the guilt her carries makes him blame himself for bad circumstances.

PLOT INTRUDING ON LIFE:

Gina: She believes she’s set, content with her job and her hidden world. When her private life is suddenly brought into the open, her past begins to open up as well, and the pain she’s carefully compartmentalized begins to leak out—but the people praising her and asking for her advice, time and wisdom are in conflict with how she views herself.

Maggie: The backlash of sharing Gina’s brilliance is reconciling how she interfered and has perhaps ruined Gina’s carefully built life, and also threatens her own marriage. Adding the sudden hospitalization unsettles everything that was stable.

Chris: Expecting to earn some money and more ‘buzz’ for workshopping his passion project, he doesn’t anticipate developing a relationship with Gina that threatens to hurt her when she misinterprets his intentions.

Parker: Parker came to Point North to reinvent himself, but Gina’s evolving challenges and his promise to Maggie to help ‘look out for her’ threatens his own anonymity and desire to control his circumstances.

MORAL DILEMMAS:

Gina: Mildly agoraphobic and carries a lot of baggage, but doesn’t want to upset or hurt anyone so the newcomers pouring into her life place her in an incredibly awkward position.

Maggie: Knows she may have ruined Gina’s life but still believes she can salvage it—but her husband might be right in that she’s using Gina to live vicariously because she’s almost 50. Or he’s wrong, and he’s given up dreaming, so she needs to either wake him up or consider the alternatives.

Chris: He loves Gina’s mind and creativity, and had no idea she didn’t know he was gay in the Age of Information, so he didn’t think at all about setting boundaries; breaking her heart in the face of her public outing would be devastating.

Parker: He doesn’t want to hang around Gina because he doesn’t want to develop feelings for her, but he promised Maggie he’d help because of her injured state.

FORCED DECISIONS THEY’D NEVER MAKE:

Gina: She must decide whether to embrace the new circumstances of her life or run. Embracing the new will open her up to manipulation and abuse, again, but running will never offer her the healing that comes from the love of others affirming her and exploring her possible newfound purpose.

Maggie: She must confront her husband about the viability of their marriage and whether they can remain intact by giving up everything they sacrificed themselves for in order to have security.

Chris: Revealing his sexuality and hurting Gina is as big of an issue as informing her he’s HIV positive and has no idea what the future may hold—but he must in order to help grant permission for her own coming to terms with life and its abuses.

Parker: Parker fights falling for Gina because he’s clutching the memory of his deceased fiancé—rather, the fear he will somehow hurt her as well—and must decide if controlling his life is more or less important than surrendering it.

[Jason]

Jason’s Show Relationship Map

What I learned doing this assignment is interconnectivity is important from the onset, and maps such as this can be quite helpful in keeping ducks in their prospective rows.

Gina Semple

Gina / Maggie Ketchum

Surface: Employee/Employer, friends.

Common Ground: Work well together, both appreciate wonder, awe, joie de vivre. Maggie loves Gina’s writing.

Conflict: Maggie shares Gina’s journal with a news affiliate in hopes Gina will be recognized; Gina’s is borderline agoraphobic due to deep wounds of the past she’s buried.

History: Gina’s been working for Maggie and Mark for a year as a data entry clerk.

Subtext: Gina likes Maggie as a friend but is afraid of letting her in.

Relationship Arc: From business relationship to a deep friendship and gratitude.

Gina / Chris McAllister

Surface: New friends.

Common Ground: Both are storytellers, wordsmiths who love language. Both affect those they share their passions with—Chris does it willingly.

Conflict: Gina develops feelings for Chris, who assumes she knows he’s gay until it’s clear she doesn’t—he’s deeply fearful he’s paved the way for hurting her.

History: They meet at the news station the morning her journal goes public, but she doesn’t talk to him until attending his show with Parker two nights later.

Subtext: Mutual awe for one another, deep fascination which becomes challenging to navigate.

Relationship Arc: Gina falls for Chris through their discussions; when he reveals he’s gay, she accepts it (though it hurts) and shifts her focus to their growing friendship.

Gina / Parker Lang

Surface: Just met, he serves her at the pub and Maggie introduces them.

Common Ground: Both quick witted, love music, and are private about personal lives.

Conflict: Maggie’s hospitalization obliges Parker to help protect Gina from her new exposure to fans; Gina doesn’t want a babysitter or to be match-made.

History: Maggie introduces them at the pub; after being injured, she asks him to check on her and take her to Parker’s show, where tickets are waiting for them

Subtext: Both are very guarded but can’t help being intrigued—and deny they’re drawn to each other.

Relationship Arc: Gina slowly opens up to Parker, who feels compelled to do so as well. They share much more than they thought—his darker past prompts Gina to share her own, which opens the door for new understanding and a deeper appreciation leading to possibilities.

Maggie Ketchum

Maggie / Gina Semple

Surface: Employer/Employee

Common Ground: Gina is an exemplary employee, both get along well. They also see the positive more than the negative.

Conflict: Maggie shares Gina’s journal with the world in hopes Gina will be recognized, not realizing she’s caused Gina to confront one of her worst nightmares.

History: Gina’s been working for Maggie and Mark for a year, writing in her journal on her breaks and lunch. Maggie discovered it at one point and has been avidly reading it ever since, living vicariously through Gina’s vivid imagination.

Subtext: Maggie deeply admires Gina, but wans her to open up, share her gift with the world, and allow herself to be loved.

Relationship Arc: Maggie feels bad for “outing” Gina’s journal, but not the results that come from it–she wants the best for her, and slowly sees her come to life–the same way she feels when reading Gina’s words.

Maggie / Mark Ketchum

Surface: Wife / Husband

Common Ground: They deeply love one another, and fight to beat obstacles in running their business..

Conflict: Maggie misses the man she married, before he became concerned with bills and mortgages and the business. She’s wistful for him to let go of his perception of what being responsible means. Mark also does not agree with how Maggie interfered with Gina’s private life, and the argument blows up much larger than anticipated.

History: Married for nearly 30 years.

Subtext: Maggie wants to love life again, with Mark, who cares about the obligations of the future?

Relationship Arc: Maggie and Mark have it out, open up and let the fear speak its mind–but are both inspired to change things up for the better–and Maggie is blown away by Mark’s transformation and surprise he’s got in store..

Maggie / Parker Lang

Surface: Patron / Bartender-turned-proxy.

Common Ground: Both appreciate humor and are easy to get along with.

Conflict: Maggie’s hospitalization obliges Parker to help protect Gina from her new exposure to fans; Gina doesn’t want a babysitter or to be match-made.

History: Maggie and Mark frequent Doolie’s Pub in their small town of Point North, and appreciate Parker’s vitality and wit.

Subtext: Maggie has a respectful crush on Parker, her gut tells her he’s perfect for Gina.

Relationship Arc: Maggie is defensive when Parker says he’s done being her spy, but when he apologizes later she recognizes he’s partially right; they own their stuff and make good.

Parker Lang

Parker / Gina Semple

Surface: Maggie introduces them, acquaintances.

Common Ground: Both appreciate humor and music, both are private about personal lives.

Conflict: Parker doesn’t want a relationship but is drawn to Gina; her standoffish behavior is understandable, he doesn’t want to get hurt either.

History: Just introduced two days ago.

Subtext: Parker likes Gina, is afraid to be anything but friends.

Relationship Arc: They go from superficial to awkward to confrontative quickly–then realize both have issues with themselves, and agree to pretend they haven’t met. The second time is better.

Parker / Maggie Ketchum

Surface: Bartender / Patron. Friends.

Common Ground: Both enjoy laughter and over-the-top joking around, one-upmanship and improv.

Conflict: Parker feels used by Maggie and her obsession with Gina, but agrees she needs someone to help field the sudden flood of people. They argue over her motives and his attitude.

History: Has known Maggie / Mark for about 6 months.

Subtext: Parker gets Maggie and ‘gets’ she’s unhappy, but recognizes her love for Mark and that they’re both afraid to take risks that jeopardize the future.

Relationship Arc: Parker gets into it with Maggie when he feels she’s using him; he comes around when he realizes his anger is not her fault but his, and owns it.

Parker / Chris McAllister

Surface: Mutual friends of Gina.

Common Ground: Both are fascinated by Gina, and protective of her. Both understand the power of expression and need for it. Both are talented performers—Parker only sings karaoke.

Conflict: Parker believes Gina is falling for Chris and calls him out on not being honest. Chris returns with suggesting Parker is projecting his own inabilities to own his feelings.

History: Just met.

Subtext: Parker envies and disdains Chris’ fame because he feels guilt and shame for himself in life. Chris helps him recognize it.

Relationship Arc: Parker comes to appreciate Chris and vice versa; Chris actually advocates for Parker with Gina.

[Jason]

Assignment #1

L O S T

Kate Austen

Kate / Jack Shephard

Surface: New allies with budding trust/attraction.

Common Ground: Both action oriented, eager to do what it takes to improve situation for survivors.

Conflict: Jack’s trust in Kate is shaken when Mars reveals she’s a fugitive.

History: Introduced when Jack asks her to sew the wound in his back.

Subtext: Mutual attraction.

Relationship Arc: Beginning of long-term relationship, friends>lovers>committed.

Kate / James “Sawyer” Ford

Surface: Cautious allies.

Common Ground: Both action-oriented, willing to do unsavory but necessary things to assure survival.

Conflict: Sawyer is as survival oriented as Kate, making him potentially dangerous. His machismo both repels and attracts her.

History: They meet on the island; Kate lifts the gun off Sawyer, gives the bullets to Sayid and the pistol back to Sawyer in order to keep them on equal footing. Later the gun is voted back to her when Boone swipes both gun and bullets but is caught.

Subtext: Mutual understanding and cautious respect.

Relationship Arc: Developing relationship that becomes briefly romantic.

Kate / Edward Mars

Surface: Enemies.

Common Ground: Both strong willed, recognizing each others’ determination.

Conflict: Mars is a federal marshal extraditing Kate for murder.

History: After murdering her abusive father, Mars arrests Kate; Kate escapes, and Mars spends years tracking her; he arrests her in Australia and extradites her back to Iowa but the plane crashes.

Subtext: Long-term rivalry.

Relationship Arc: Mars’ pursuit is personal after Kate’s escape; near death from crash-inflicted wounds and in great pain, he asks if Kate will kill him. Kate gives the gun to Sawyer; Sawyer shoots him in the heart, but misses and punctures a lung. Jack smothers him to finish the job as he has no means of helping/saving him.

[Jason]

Jason’s Character Emotions

What I learned doing this assignment came as a sort of fascinating overview of how many facets of myself are revealed throughout the characters, and that the characters who find themselves at odds with each-other share several of the same traits–which is psychologically sound. It also provides a means of checks/balances when making sure they have their own individual voice, as well as offers a springboard for raising the stakes in their individual journeys. It’s reassuring to understand these breakdowns are malleable with the introduction to new information and revelation in the same way objectives are subject to being met or thwarted in the work I do as an actor.

Assignment 1:

L O S T

Jack Shephard

A. Situational: Desires to maintain healthy order until rescue / Fears not being rescued

B. Motivation: Wants to help people / Needs to feel he’s doing the right thing

C. Mask: Base Emotion: Self-doubt / Public Mask: Leader

D. Weaknesses: Beauty, unsurety, lack of control, brutality, violence

E. Triggers: Personal inquiries, religion, fighting, destruction of life

F. Coping Mechanism: Isolation, silence, stuffing, activity

Kate Austen

A. Situational: Wants to help survivors get off the island / Fears abandonment & dying

B. Motivation: Will do anything to survive / Needs to align herself with strongest people

C. Mask: Base Emotion: Fear / Public Mask: Fearless team-player

D. Weaknesses: Fugitive with a secret, self-preserving, manipulative, attaches to alpha males

E. Triggers: Threats to identity, disruption of order, injustice, control freaks

F. Coping Mechanism: Taking control, manipulation, closing off, running

Assignment 2:

Dreaming Wide Awake

Gina Semple

A. Situational: Wants to preserve her fantastical inner life for herself / Relationships with others threaten her safe place

B. Motivation: Desires control of her circumstances / Needs relationships to heal

C. Mask: Base Emotion: Insecurity / Public Mask – Adapts to others

D. Weaknesses: Intelligence threatens relatability, fears intimacy, shuts people out, protective of privacy

E. Triggers: Liars, arrogance, hubris, manipulation, betrayal

F. Coping Mechanism: Writing, analyzing, outsmarting, shutting down, wit, isolating

Maggie Ketchum

A. Situational: Hopes for adventure / Fears best days are over

B. Motivation: Wants to start over / Needs to abandon security

C. Mask: Base Emotion: Wistfulness / Public Mask: Brassy, Problem solver

D. Weaknesses: Afraid of change, lives vicariously through Gina, misses the man she married

E. Triggers: Stupidity, machismo, prejudice

F. Coping Mechanism: Sucking it up, drinking, impulsive action-taking

Mark Ketchum

A. Situational: Desires to be white knight for Maggie / Feels trapped by inevitable aging and responsibility

B. Motivation: Wants to fulfill his wife’s greatest desires / Needs to find his own heart again

C. Mask: Base Emotion: Inadequacy / Public Mask: Stable, fun-lover

D. Weaknesses: Weight, insecurity, fear of growing old, fear of instability and failing Maggie

E. Triggers: Threats to his wife, threats to security, disrespecting people’s boundaries

F. Coping Mechanism: Eating, drinking, watching Nascar

Chris McAllister

A. Situational: Works to stay at top of game as Actor-Writer / Fears HIV will kill him and can’t risk love

B. Motivation: Wants to be the best storyteller he can be / Needs to feel connected to people for affirmation

C. Mask: Base Emotion: Despair / Public Mask: Positive Broadway Star/Role Model

D. Weaknesses: HIV positive for 10 years, won’t risk relationship, fears hurting people

E. Triggers: Intolerance, egotism, judgmental people, bullies, accidentally hurting someone

F. Coping Mechanisms: Confrontation, dramatic expression

Parker Lang

A. Situational: Hopes to be the guy people want to be around/ Fears exposure of past.

B. Motivation: Wants to atone for past mistakes / Needs to forgive himself

C. Mask: Base Emotion: Guilt and regret / Public Mask: Sharp witted and charming

D. Weaknesses: Former inmate, feels responsible for the death of ex-fiance. Won’t talk about past, won’t let himself close to anyone.

E. Triggers: Manipulation, dishonesty, predators, chauvinists, bullies.

F. Coping Mechanisms: Humor, confrontation, physical conditioning

[Jason]

Whew. Gone for a week, time to play catch-up.

<b style=””>Jason’s Intriguing Character Layers

What I learned doing this assignment is that while I’m still developing the ‘villain’, the foibles/secrets of the current characters are enough to raise conflict/stakes and interest in the opening episodes.

Gina Semple

Role: Hyperintelligent dreamer, reclusive author exposed to the world.

Hidden agendas: Wants to keep her reality safe and in control

Competition: People who want more of her are unsafe

Conspiracies: None as of yet

Secrets: Deeply wounded by her past, sees herself as unable to identify with anyone for any length of time

Deception: Gina is straightforward and cannot abide liars

Wound: Her intelligence has been lifelong alienation, setting her apart from others, and set her up to be manipulated in the past

Secret Identity: Her journaling affords a much more vibrant, epic life, and the only place she feels truly safe

Maggie Ketchum

Role: Gina’s friend/employer, lives vicariously through Gina’s writing

Hidden agendas: Wants to see Gina blossom. Wants her own life to do so.

Competition: Mark, her husband, believes she’s interfering.

Conspiracies: Enlists Parker to be her proxy while in the hospital

Secrets: Her life has lost its color, wants to start over—with her husband, but doesn’t believe he’ll go for it. She’s wistful and sad with responsibility. She reads Gina’s journal to escape.

Deception: Maggie shares Gina’s journal with a news affiliate on the downlow thinking the attention will help her.

Wound: Maggie used to be a dreamer as well, now is resigned to ‘normal life’ and misses wonder and joy

Secret Identity: Maggie wants to be Gina, not knowing anything about her except through her writing—she idealizes her, not knowing her pain

Mark Ketchum

Role: Gina’s employer/Maggie’s Husband

Hidden agendas: Will do anything for his wife, hides his fear of losing her

Competition: Gina prompts Maggie to be reckless, occupies much of her attention

Conspiracies: None as of yet

Secrets: Doesn’t like himself and his weight gain due to building and maintaining a business, is ashamed of who he is

Deception: Mark hides his feelings from his wife for fear of her disappointment and losing her

Wound: Mark would have rather been an artist but wanted to please and impress Maggie, so he gave up his passion

Secret Identity: Mark would rather throw everything away and spend his days exploring the world with Maggie

Chris McAllister

Role: Broadway star/Actor-Producer

Hidden agendas: Wants to know more about Gina, inspired by her writing

Competition: Parker, who believes he’s leading Gina on to capitalize on her

Conspiracies: None as of yet

Secrets: Loves Gina but not romantically, has been HIV positive for 10 years

Deception: Chris believes Gina knows he’s gay and doesn’t want anything else but friendship; when he realizes that isn’t the case he avoids the subject until he can’t anymore

Wound: Chris is terribly afraid of hurting people, and is extremely self-deprecating if he believes he’s done so

Secret Identity: Chris is a Broadway star, he lives his identities onstage

Parker Lang

Role: Bartender, Maggie’s proxy, Gina’s newest friend

Hidden agendas: Becomes protective of Gina in her newfound fame

Competition: Chris, who monopolizes Gina’s interest

Conspiracies: Works with Maggie to “help” Gina navigate the new state of her life, becomes tired of reporting to her

Secrets: Came to Point North to start over after serving jail time, lost his wife in a tragic accident and won’t speak of his past

Deception: Parker is surface level out of self-preservation

Wound: He carries deep guilt for his past and refuses to get close to people

Secret Identity: Parker would love to be free of his ghosts, and free to love and be loved again

[Jason]

Jason Bortz’ Engaging Main Characters

What I learned from this assignment is I need to work on brevity and single-line descriptions; it’s hard for me to describe ‘engaging and incredibly intriguing characters’ with a single line of text. Something I’ll have to work on. I’m also realizing that it’s difficult to build out this character module for series on an episode-by-episode basis; we’re barely meeting these characters at the onset, so many secrets have yet to be revealed. Likewise, in the series I’m writing, I’m only now building the Villain for an introduction in Episode 3…I write backstories for my characters, but haven’t followed a diagram like this, so it’s just a new way of thinking/adjusting.

ASSIGNMENT 1

L O S T

Character: Jack

A. Role in the Show? Hero by proxy, 40-year old Jack is actions-oriented and is the only doctor on Oceanic flight 815.

B. Unique Purpose/Expertise? At the onset, his purpose is to save the lives of the wounded, and to find the transceiver to facilitate the survivors’ rescue.

C. Intrigue/Hidden Secrets? So far, we know Jack drinks, so something may be troubling him.

D. Moral Issue? Jack doesn’t display any moral quandaries yet, mediating between fighting passengers and helping all in need.

E. Unpredictability? Jack disappears momentarily when fleeing a mysterious, terrible creature in the jungle; when he reappears, we don’t know where he went. He, Kate and Charlie are also willing to keep the fate of the pilot, killed by the creature, a secret from the rest of the passengers

F. Why do we care? Jack offers stability, protection and the objectivity required of a leadership; other characters immediately trust him due to his willingness to tend to, serve and keep the peace between passengers. He’s also handsome and, so far, straightforward.

Character: Kate

A. Role in the Show? Kate is determined to do what it takes to survive regardless of her fears or others’ impressions of her.

B. Unique Purpose/Expertise? At the onset, Kate allies with Jack in support of finding the other half of the plane; she’s instantly supportive.

C. Intrigue? Despite her servitude and willingness to risk her life to help others, Kate was under escort by Federal Marshal, something she keeps from the others.

D. Moral Issue? Kate hides her prisoner status, aligning herself with Jack as he appears to be the strongest and safest of the passengers?

E. Unpredictable? Kate struggles with panic attacks. She also has no problem omitting information or keeping it to herself. When Sawyer and Sayid suspect each other of being the prisoner the Federal Marshal was transporting, she steals the gun from Sawyer, training it on him before giving the bullets to Sayid–and gives the pistol back, thereby allying with both.

F. Why do we care? Her fears are relatable, her support seems genuine (though it may be a means of protecting herself ). She’s quick to help the others and to lead a team to find a signal for the transceiver. She’s also beautiful, savvy and quick thinking.

ASSIGNMENT 2

“Dreaming Wide Awake”
A Romantic Dramedy

Show Journey

A reclusive genius in a remote coastal town is plagued by overnight celebrity when her journal is made public without her consent, but soon finds her words have opened floodgates in others to share parts of themselves long locked away.

Gina Semple – The Muse

A. Role in the Show? Gina is a creative, hyper-intelligent temp for a small business in a remote town; her social reclusiveness is starkly juxtaposed with her vibrant, dreamlike existence in the pages of her journal, something she’s kept a lifelong secret—until now.

B. Unique Purpose/Expertise? Gina’s writing is mesmerizing; a mixture of human observations, fantastic settings and soulful insights, her unique style instantly captivates and transports (often visually!) her readers and listeners. When her work is ‘discovered’, she becomes an overnight hometown celebrity—which terrifies her.

C. Intrigue? Gina’s past is logged on many hard drives in years of journal entries. She’s private and guarded, doling out bits and pieces of herself a little at a time—is this her personality, or did something happen to make her this way? Brief flashes of her past offer clues, not the bigger picture.

D. Moral Issue? A portion of Gina’s journal is made public by a well-meaning friend, which mortifies Gina to the point of considering jumping off her roof; the sudden popularity she receives forces her from her comfort zone, and she must discover how to navigate relationships after being alone for years, how to respond to the relationships of those her words have transformed, and how to reconcile her own heartache over her past.

E. Unpredictable? Gina’s awkward but not naïve; when circumstances are beyond her control, her “survival mode” kicks in, revealing a social “alter-ego” with a keen grasp of observation, logic, memory and surprising wit, but leaving her unsettled—are they a coping mechanism, or her true self? Flashes of her past offer clues, but no big picture…yet.

F. Empathetic? Gina’s a wistful hero for those who feel their inner life is much richer than what they must deal with every day, and when she is ‘discovered’, her obstacles and victories are universal to those dealing with social anxiety or personalities that don’t click with the rest of the world. She gives permission for her readers/listeners to be themselves—the most wonderful, flawed, fantastic selves they can be—and learns, through her unlikely new friends, that she can too.

Maggie Ketchum – The Instigator

A. Role in the Show? Gina’s direct boss and friend, lives vicariously through Gina’s writing.

B. Purpose/Expertise? Wants Gina to succeed, shares Gina’s journal with the local news affiliate to prove she’d be a successful author.

C. Intrigue? Maggie was a dreamer once and wants that passion for life back for her and her husband Mark, both resigned to living responsibly.

D. Moral Issue? Maggie questions whether her decision to interfere with Gina’s life was motivated by missing her own chance to be free, and whether the effects of what she’s done are wrong or not. She’s also torn between a ‘safe’ life and convincing her husband to fight for dreams again.

E. Unpredictable? Maggie confronts her husband about the state of their lives, risking her marriage—then breaks her tailbone and winds up prone in the hospital.

F. Why do we care? Maggie is well meaning, grounded and fiercely loyal, and directly confronts the ‘What if’ driving many to mid-life crises. She loves her husband, but is deeply saddened by what they’ve given up.

Mark Ketchum – The Provider

A. Role in the Show? Gina’s bear-like employer, Maggie’s good-natured and dutiful husband.

B. Purpose/Expertise? Creator of the business, invests his life in being a solid, responsible husband.

C. Intrigue? Mark is a talented welding artist who also used to have big dreams; Maggie’s interference in Gina’s life unsettles his marriage and reveals his own compromises and fears.

D. Moral Issue? Mark is torn between his wife’s newfound desire for shared freedom and maintaining the safety of everything they’ve built. He also feels Maggie is wrong for upending Gina’s life for her own satisfaction.

E. Unpredictable? When his marriage goes from stable to questionable overnight, Mark must make some big decisions he’s not prepared for.

F. Why do we care? Mark is a both sympathetic and rough, scary at times but very kind. His love for his wife is palpable, and his angst at the thought of losing her—to new ideals or death itself—terrifies him.

Chris MacAllister – The Star

A. Role in Show? Broadway actor/writer, in town workshopping a passion project before his touring continues in the City.

B. Unique Purpose/Expertise? At the station for a promotional segment when Gina’s work is read live. Falls in love with her writing.

C. Intrigue? Chris is in town temporarily, but wants to spend time with Gina, his motivations seem to be purely professional, she fascinates him.

D. Moral Issue? Chris is thrown when he realizes Gina may be developing feelings for him–of course she knows he’s gay!– He hopes he’s wrong. He’s not wrong.

E. Unpredictable? Chris is an actor, at times he easily lies out of convenience—but with Gina, he becomes quick to go back and admit it. Chris reveals his sexuality to Gina; later, when she’s come to terms with it, he reveals he’s been HIV+ for ten years.

F. Why do we care? Chris’ sexuality is not the center of his life; relationships are, and connection; he loves Gina for who she is.

Parker Lang – The Nice Guy

A. Role in Show? Bartender, came to Point North to start over, relates to Gina within moments. The Ketchums are friends, regulars where he works.

B. Unique Purpose/Expertise? Becomes instrumental in Gina’s growth and protection socially as he reluctantly acts as Maggie’s proxy after she’s hospitalized.

C. Intrigue? Parker can sing karaoke like a star, is an excellent bartender with a sharp sense of humor, but refuses to speak of his backstory.

D. Moral Issue? Parker finds himself protective of Gina, then jealous of Chris—when he Googles him, he decides to confront him inre: Gina’s heart—but Chris questions whether Parker isn’t projecting. He is.

E. Unpredictable? Parker’s prone to using humor in his job and has a hard time turning it off. As his friendship grows with Gina, he purposefully keeps an emotional distance with his own feelings, available for her to talk, but not forthcoming. He was married before, ending tragically due to a mistake he cannot forgive himself for. When its revealed, it’s the catalyst Gina needs to break through her own unresolved grief.

F. Why do we care? Parker is a great guy but very protective of his own world, similar to Gina; as he comes to terms with his past through helping Gina through her present, his own heart is loosened and set free.

Thanos – The Villain
As I’m only halfway through Episode Two, this archetype hasn’t been fully developed yet. Will revisit and rename.

[Jason]

Jason’s Marketing Plan

What I learned doing this assignment is I still have a propensity to self-critique and second-guess myself when preparing an inquiry for building a professional relationship; the statement “There is no rejection” is good to focus on; I have experienced many successes that have fallen through due to circumstances, time or investor issues, so I’m a bit shy of getting back on the horse. This has helped.

Subject line: Looking for your next thriller?

Greetings Derek,

First, congratulations on your recent release of Doubled Down. Your Company produces consistently excellent work, and this was no exception; in a genre where guessing begins with the first credits, I am always pleased to be surprised after viewing your films.

As a writer who specializes in thrillers, I’d like to offer a sample of my work for your consideration; whether you need a rewrite of an existing piece or a spec script based upon your ideas, I’d be more than happy to provide an ‘audition’ of my work.

I currently have an optioned SciFi thriller, “Dream Man”, with Greg Huge of Huge Pictures, and recently finished an adaptation of Polish author Pawel Machejko’s “Will You Rise” regarding the execution of 22,000 Polish soldiers in the Katyn Massacre of WWII. My supernatural thriller, “Immigrant Immortal” was in development with Josh Daugherty at DoorD Creative until the pandemic closed a few doors for the time being, so it’s back on the market as well. I’m also in development on my own short film “Drop Dead Gorgeous,” where I’ll helm the project this September.

I enjoy collaboration in bringing visions to life from concept to completion; as a writer/actor/filmmaker, I’ve spent my life refining the Art of telling excellent stories. My passion for character and subtext as an actor and my competency and confidence as a director serve to greatly benefit my ‘Voice’ on the page, and I would appreciate an opportunity to share it with you.

Thank you for your time and consideration; while I am represented by the Silver Bitela Agency, I invite you to contact me personally if you’d like to discuss anything further!

Sincerely,

Jason Bortz

916.412.6756

actorcraft@gmail.com

LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/JasonDouglasBortz
IMDbPro: https://pro.imdb.com/name/nm0097587

Silver Bitela Agency (Literary):

Babz Bitela, President

Silver Bitela Agency *WGA*

916.735.1287

Bbitela@silverbitelaagency.com

The first three areas I’ll address when marketing myself:

1. Refine the introduction letter to be more concise. Brevity is best.

2. Maximize my list of contacts utilizing cross-platform social media (IMDbPro, LinkedIn and Facebook), then begin “send batches.”

3. Update my website with current projects, opportunities and completions.

[Jason]

Jason Bortz’ Three Circles of Characters

What I learned doing this assignment is these circles are subject to change as new characters are introduced, so it isn’t important that they are rigid or “right”; this is more of a guideline to maintain focus upon the A-Story and B-Story characters and keep them clear as storylines progress.

ASSIGNMENT 1

LOST – CHARACTER CIRCLES

A. Main Characters

Jack, Kate, Charlie, Sawyer, Sayid, Shannon, Boone, Claire

B. Connected Circle

Hurley, Michael, Walter, Locke, Marshall Mars, Sun, Jin, Rose

C. Environment Circle

Unnamed passengers.

ASSIGNMENT 2

DREAMING WIDE AWAKE – EP. 1 – CHARACTER CIRCLES

A. Main Characters

Gina, Maggie, Mark, Parker, Chris

B. Connected Circle

Alan, Craig, Vance, Kate, Angus, Simon, Ruth

C. Environment Circle

Point North denizens, Doolie’s Pub Patrons, Callers

Character Descriptions

Gina Semple, 30’s, hyperintelligent, reclusive, pure; her journal is her world within this world, where her writing transports her to idyllic settings.

Maggie Ketchum, 40’s, pragmatic, Gina’s boss, lives vicariously through Gina’s writing which she’s read secretly; wistfully wants to dream again.

Mark Ketchum, 50, Maggie’s husband and would do anything for her, blind to how being responsible has robbed him of joy and liking himself.

Parker Douglas, 30’s, bartender at Doolie’s Pub, intense and witty, moved to Point North to start over, fascinated with Gina.

Chris MacAllister, 30’s, Broadway actor in town workshopping a passion project, drawn to Gina’s ability with words.

[Jason]

LOST Five Star Model

What I learned doing this assignment is the affirmation that each episode must seize the investment of the viewer, not merely the amusement, and that keeping the “knowns” to a minimum while raising the stakes is essential to arresting our attention, as well as introducing characters that are identifiable, even if not relatable, in order to generate empathy and the desire to continue in their journey.

Big Picture Hook:

An airliner crashes on a remote island, but as they regain their bearings the passengers find the accident was only the beginning of their efforts to survive.

Amazing and Intriguing Character:

The main characters in the pilot episode are driven by necessity to adapt to their new circumstances—we see how they begin aligning themselves to those they believe will ensure their safety, protection, or allegiance. We only begin to meet the passengers and learn their backstories in piecemeal flashes, building intrigue and empathy sparingly but effectively.

Empathy/Distress:

We are instantly drawn into the circumstances due to a universal compassion for those surviving a catastrophic event. Those who have suffered loss, those in shock, or wounded—even a pregnant woman—serve to solicit compassion, empthy and identification. When an unseen threat arrives, large enough to fell trees and just out of sight in the treeline, the stakes for the survivors raise exponentially—the island itself may be worse than the crash. The pilot reveals the plane was a thousand miles off course when they went down, and any search parties will be looking in the wrong place—then he is pulled from the fuselage and killed by the unseen beast.

Layers/Open Loops:

We cannot imagine what the creature in the jungle is, nor anticipate how long it will take rescuers to locate the downed flight. What will the fate of the passengers be as more of the islands’ enigmatic threats are revealed? Where is the tail section of the plane, and did those passengers survive? As food runs low, will they starve, or brave the jungle and its challenges to gather sustenance? How will the passengers relate to one another as survival becomes more challenging?

Inviting Obsession:

The universality of the “out of the frying pan, into the fire” scenario coupled with the desire to see how the passengers meet the challenges of the island invites continued observation; as the pilot episode focuses principally on a few very likeable characters, we’re invested in seeing how they fare bringing the bad news to the rest of the passengers that no one knows where they are, and how they dynamic will change when they all realize there’s no immediate hope.

[Jason]

Jason Bortz’ Plan for Increasing Perceived Value

What I learned doing this assignment is my efforts are tantamount to increasing exposure and viability regardless of my agent’s involvement. I cannot valuate myself if I am not producing content or integrating into the active market on a daily basis. My involvement is more important in the beginning phases than my ideal compensation—in the first stage, my sweat equity is my stake, my skin in the game, and I cannot withhold it if I am to be considered in an industry that continued to evolve while I was absent.

Genre Specialty
I specialize in Psychological Thrillers and Mind-benders.

Writing Speciality

As a lifelong writer/actor, I’ve spent my life studying human behavior and their internal process; I am expert in character development and individual voice, non-cliched dialogue and subtext that drives character/story arcs. Words bend to intentions, and the most interesting scripts are comprised of characters whose intentions are often at odds with what they may say or do.

Experiential Specialty

A filmmaker myself, I understand the process of writing from concept to fit a budget, or stripping/deconstructing a pre-existing piece to its essentials. I believe I bring excellence to every project I join, as I am not content with providing mediocre work. I am highly observant, open to collaboration and flexible, and my sense of humor and appreciation for the craft outweighs self-importance and arrogance.

2. I have 238 producers in my LinkedIn Network.

3. Increasing My Value:

a. Today.

Narrow down and compile the list of Producers I know and Producers I’m merely connected to.

Touch base with established relationships as a re-acquaintance.

Introduce myself to those I merely know through connection.

b. 30 Days.

Refine my writing sample and post it.

Update my website.

Invite Producers I have worked with to write testimonials regarding my work. Bribe them if necessary.

Seek out a larger Network across platforms.

Review and make sure IMDbPro has all credits.

c. 6 Months.

Further delve into maximizing exposure by developing submission plan to Producers seeking scripts/writers.

Receive more coverage/recommendations/endorsements.

Offer services on spec to experienced Producers.

Continue refining specialty: complete BingeWorthy TV course.

[Jason]

Jason Bortz is a Note-Taking Professional.

What I learned is a script can be modified to suit almost any requirement; however, I am reminded that some of the modifications will radically alter the message, branding, suspension of disbelief or marketability, so with each modification, other areas will need to be carefully adapted as well to maintain a consistency. Satisfying one modification might sabotage several plot points or affect character motivations, so the willingness to ‘hold on loosely’ is essential–one change can effect the entire film.

Logline: A renowned psychologist who treats a man that believes he’s a fallen angel soon has problems differentiating between reality and the man’s infectious delusions.

Cut the Budget in Half:

I’d cast with unknowns. I’d also reduce the CG elements to dialogue-driven or live-action, minimize transitional scenes leading to plot points (lessening suspense but also expense.) I could remove two locations and transplant them to the home offices rather than in the City.

Write for a Different Audience:

The current market is males over 25, dealing with spiritual ambiguity, the search for self and the impressionability of having no moral compass; I could make ‘dumb down’ the sophisticated dialogue a bit for a late teens/early 20’s male market, heightening the supernatural elements and sexuality and focusing more on the violence, darkness and horror elements.

Double the Conflict:

By making the protagonist an active suspect in a murder as opposed to a doctor possibly influencing a suicide the stakes would raise exponentially. I might also incorporate more hauntings from the child victim pushing the protagonist to the edge of sanity even further.

Change the Sex and Age of the Lead Character:

Changing the sex and age of the lead to a female in her 20’s wouldn’t be too huge of an issue save for the suspension of belief in her life and professional experience; she would need to be something of a savant to have grasped the intricacies of her profession enough to be considered at the top of the field, so a brief backstory might be required. “Going older” would place her in the 60’s-80’s bracket; while we would believe the life/professional experience, the sexual temptation/consummation would not sell as well.

Change the Genre:

This could be changed to Anime with relative ease and ramping up the violence/gore/sex. It might also “work” as a dark comedy with more injection of sardonic humor and sarcasm.

[Jason]

Jason Bortz’ Decreased Budget for Immigrant Immortal

What I learned doing this assignment is:

While I have broken the budget out for this piece previously at “Bare Minimum”, “Comfortable” and “If I Had My Way” levels, there’s always room for more if necessity calls for it. As I have stripped a great deal of the original down, further reducing it was something I was loathe to do, but for the sake of the assignment I’m pretending it’s greenlit on the condition of further budget reduction.

1. Casting consideration is huge. Though it isn’t listed, “unknown versus name talent” is a major consideration in budgeting. Careful casting and determining which “name day players” can be hired for minor roles will make the difference between seven and eight figures.

2. Exterior City shots. There are several shots calling for establishing and tracking shots as the protagonist navigates a metropolitan area, which will require permits and crowd control. Changing these to suburban areas (preferably with the City skyline in the background) will reduce the cost of permitting and manpower.

3. Special Effects. There are nine scenes in which CGI is used to create surreal, horrific environments, as well as thunderheads over the City and physical transformation two of the principal characters. These can be scaled according to budget.

4. Weather. There are inclement weather elements in five scenes. These could be staged or alluded to if necessary rather than prolonged exposure by the characters out in it.

5. Page Count. At over 2 dozen edits (according to my revisions folder) this supernatural thriller has been trimmed to 114 pages, just under two hours. I could revisit and trim further.

There’s a scene in which the antagonist leads the protagonist through brutal celestial warfare resulting in the casting of Lucifer and thousands of angels from the heavens in a hellish, meteoric descent through the atmosphere, which becomes an allegorical juxtaposition with Icarus flying too close to the sun and plunging into the sea, shrieking and consumed with fire as the wax burns into his flesh—all to enlighten the main character as to “fact spurring oral tradition and sanitizing it (in his opinion).” Removing the visuals and making the tale dependent solely upon the vocal talent and inflections of the storyteller, and the reaction shots of the listener, would remove weeks of labor in both storyboarding and CG departments. While it is important for the main character to realize the depth of the antagonists “delusion” and the horrifying vividity with which it is recalled, the visual component could take second chair to an effective dramatic retelling of it.

[Jason]

Jason Bortz’ Rewrite of Lisa Define’s Fantastic Treatment

Again: What I learned doing this assignment is it’s not as difficult to expound on developed visions as it would be to generate them from basic ideas. Collaboration on a well-formed foundation is only a matter of creativity within pre-existing parameters that make it easier to dovetail/build upon. Also, I realized that for this assignment it’s fine to build out areas that are only touched upon without fear of offense or reprisal, and to have them suggested for my own work. It’s all part of the process, and perfectionism/fearing rejection is counterproductive. Keeping what is good is the point. There may be revisions/ideas that are ultimately rejected, but being open to this is perfectly fine. Some of these “embellishments” came after the interview (such as the name of the ‘muppets’) and are not vetted by the producer; I’m not married to them, but committed to at least putting them to the page for consideration in hope of telling a salient, attractive story.

As the producer, I found that a few well-formed questions can incite ideological breakthroughs and cultivate stronger story and character arcs. I enjoy the process of refining and specificity, so every new question is a chance to bolster the weaknesses and polish the strengths.

Title: The Coconut Tree

Genre: Family/Adventure (Live action/’Muppets’ or CGI)

Logline: When a small town is purchased through a corrupt government contract to build a supermall, the diverse community of disenfranchised humans and unlikely critters commandeer a derelict ship in search of a legendary treasure that will rescue their homes and livelihoods.

TREATMENT

OPENING

A paperboy cycles through a small town on his route from newer, modern developments to the more historic, run down area of the community, blasting music as he tosses the Sunday paper into people’s lives. GEORGE CARTER, retired widower and proud Navy vet, crouches behind his hedge clutching a remote control; behind, his roof bears many plastic bags containing previously overthrown deliveries: this is his day for revenge. The paperboy arrives, takes aim for the roof—BOOM! A net springs up to deflect the paper back into the yard! Carter’s jubilant as the paperboy flees—snatching up his trophy, he finds the coupons and comics missing: rooked again!

INCITING INCIDENT

Carter takes his Sunday paper to the Chicken Coop diner for his usual breakfast, where the prevailing conversations are neighbors angry about EVICTION NOTICES posted on their doors to vacate their homes. The Chicken Coop is run by a plucky German family of Chickens that are infatuated with Elvis. Yes, chickens: After a fortuitous accident known as “The Swiss Switch”, in which a Swiss toy company, attempting to revolutionize wireless interactivity between their globally successful stuffed animal line, threw a switch and inadvertently brought to life an entire race born of their diverse “Swissee Friends”, thereafter referred to as SWITCHEES. Carter, traditionalist to the core, inexplicably hates Switchees and all the modern age has brought.

FIRST ACT TURNING POINT

At the “Dead Rabbit and Grog” dive bar, Carter and two veteran friends Wally and Harry hold a neighborhood rally inciting residents to fight for their homes, proposing an all out attack against the evil conglomerate Midas-Emerick and the Mayor who took over their neighborhood under the auspices of “Urban Renewal.” The direct assault plan is unanimously rejected, but Carter and his two friends, determined not to become homeless, continue with their scheme. After “liberating” an old military tank Carter, Wally, and Harry threaten to blast the encroaching bulldozers and city blockade at the end of their street; the plan goes awry and Carter, Wally, and Harry are apprehended and remanded to Shady Pines, a hellhole nursing home for humans and Switchees, to live out the remainder of their days.

MIDPOINT

The three men develop a new plan—this time they succeed!—escaping the nursing home, and Carter leads them to a rusted, derelict, container ship that the port authorities had lost all hope of selling—until Carter purchased it a year ago. The three board the “Maggie Moon,” named for Carter’s wife, and delight in the idea of spending their days free, working on the ship to eventually make it seaworthy. Exhausted but with renewed hope for the future, they crash into a deep sleep on the bridge of their new home—only to wake the next morning to discover all 150 of their neighbors on board, humans and Switchees alike, in the hold. What’s more, during the night the storm of the century ripped the ship away from the dock and out to sea! Unbeknownst to the crew and stowaways, now-Captain Carter has a secret agenda, spurred into action earlier than expected: to find the legendary WHITE COCONUT TREE, which will make him rich enough to fight the corporate giant Midas-Emerick that stole his beloved house.

SECOND ACT TURNING POINT

The sea faring adventure begins as they battle storms, starvation, sea creatures, and worse…each other. During a moment of possible mutiny by the humans, several of the more impressive Switchees rally to the Captain and crew’s side and calm things down. Carter isn’t swayed—he doesn’t need a bunch of fluff to protect him!—and he wins the humans’ allegiance by revealing his plans for success. It’s short lived as a late-night encounter with something HUGE threatens to destroy the ship and pushes everyone to their limits; Carter is once again compromised, hanging by fingertips, when one of the larger Switchees pull him back aboard. Carter blames the Switchees for attracting the creature with their incessant talking and singing, and argues with Wally about throwing them off the ship; Wally addresses Carter’s constant bias against them and demands to know why—but shouts go up from up top: the sun is rising, and a warm wind pulls the ship to the mystical island of Espirito Santo. They’ve made it to paradise.

The citizens engage the pleasures of the Island, mostly inhabited by native Switchees, to Carter’s dismay, but he finds new purpose when he learns the White Coconut tree grows here, somewhere. Carter begins a lone, desperate search, growing steadily more irritable and bothersome to his crew and passengers who are content to loaf, carouse and make merry with the islanders on a daily basis. The same handful of Switchees offer to help Carter look, and while he refuses, they draw a map of the areas they cover in their search and update it every day, leaving it on a tree where Carter can see it; he examines it after everyone has gone to sleep, memorizing it. On his final trip out, he discovers a cave full of giant, angry crabs—and for a third time, the Switchees help him out of it, but at the cost of one of their own. There is no remorse on their part—their greatest mission is to be a friend until they’re worn out and replaced by brand new friends.

CRISIS

Carter is surprised when one of the native Switchees reveals that they are concerned about the humans increasing consumption of the local fare; as Switchees don’t require food, it seems the humans are addicted to it. Another of the Switchees, a large Koala bear, reminds Carter that its all very good, but it might not be good for humans. “Like chewing eucalyptus.” Carter realizes that all the food and drink is saturated with a substance that keeps them calm and happy forever, living in a blissful apathy—completely robbing them of any desire to live their lives.

Carter reveals the terrible truth to the humans, but no one cares. With the help of the Switchees, they execute a “game” to lead everyone back on board the ship and off the island. Once on board, Carter sets the ship out to sea. The still-euphoric humans drop off to sleep; that night another storm system carries the Maggie Moon over tumultuous waves—into the travel lanes of the Coast Guard, where they’re hailed and brought to safety.

CLIMAX

Worldwide news coverage of their adventures, and the loss of their homes, infuriates people across the globe. With cameras and reporters swarming them, the neighbors gather en masse and march back into their community, only to discover that their entire neighborhood has been destroyed in their absence. Everything is gone, and a new, high tech billion-dollar megabuilding has been built in its place. Battle weary, despairing and anguished, humans and Switchees alike embrace one another and, arm in arm, turn and leave. With nowhere to go, the weary brigade returns to the ship, where Carter finally gives answer to Wally: the “Swiss Switch” was thrown the day his wife died, and he’s hated them ever since for not being able to reach her hospital bed in the commotion. He also realizes he hasn’t blamed them, he’s blamed himself—they remind him of his failure. Wally, reassures him that it’s okay, and it’s okay to let her go because she’ll always be there. The Koala Switchee, who’s overheard, reminds him of a Switchee saying: “Be the best friend you can dream, every moment of your days, and when you’ve worn through every seam, a new Friend will take your place!”

Carter is helpless, he’s had to let go of everything and has nothing left. He ponders jumping over the rail into the ocean below, when Wally approaches with his grand-daughter, who carries a small plant. She gives it to Carter and tells him at least he can start over, like this plant. Carter, consumed by his failure, considers the plant, then the ocean. He tosses it behind him and climbs up on the rail; Wally pleads with the Carter to come down—and his grand-daughter gasps. “Look!” Carter does—the pot broken on the deck, the dirt scattered reveals the frond emanates from—a White Coconut.

RESOLUTION

A television reporter among many stands outside the court house informing the viewers that the court has overturned the eminent domain judgment against the community: they’ve been awarded the new modern building that was erected on their land. At last, the little community has a place to call home. And what a home!

Carter, a few pounds heavier and cleaner, looks sharp in in Naval dress uniform and officer’s cap as he descends the Courthouse steps with his attorney into an awaiting limo. Once inside, he doffs the Officer’s cap (revealing a small, hip ponytail) and swaps it for his traditional shipman’s baseball cap. He and his attorney discuss the process of re-integrating the community into their new home; Carter himself won’t be living there, but he won’t be far either. Carter also gives the attorney his payment: a radiant White Coconut that glistens like a diamond. At the close of the film, a high angle reveals the limo pulling into a coconut plantation with many, many trees, on the edge of a cliff overlooking the ocean, where the Maggie Moon is berthed.

[Jason]

Greetings everyone. I’m Jason, living in Northern California an hour between Sacramento and Lake Tahoe.

So far, I’ve written 10 feature scripts, written/directed 4 short films and a documentary, currently working on a limited series.

I’m hoping to apply the work to the serial medium, as some of my favorite viewing experiences of late have come from streaming series, and to develop the skill-set from concept to completion, ideas through bible/pitch deck. I’ve written a series bible before, but there’s a lot of room for improvement.

Star Wars corrupted me as a child; since then I’ve spent my life in the Arts. I’m also an actor/director/coach, dividing my time between stage and screen, in front of and behind the scenes. I’m finishing up the Paid Writing Assignments class with SU, and am looking forward to the next challenge. Also, I did martial arts for 20 years before a car accident damaged my L2-L4 vertebrae, but I still choreograph for stage and films–I just can’t get thrown around or leap about like I used to.

Looking forward to starting on Friday; I’ll be slightly behind, been playing catch up since the 2nd vaccination wiped me out for 9 days…woohoo!

[Jason]

Jason Bortz

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM FOR “BINGE WORTHY TV” CLASS

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the Binge Worthy TV class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, teaching a class, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the Binge Worthy TV available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. The easiest solution if you have similar ideas is to either not look at each other’s work or to agree to take your shows in different directions.

If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the Binge Worthy TV class.

[Jason]

Jason Bortz’ Rewrite of Alistair McKenzie’s Fantastic Treatment

What I learned doing this assignment is it’s not as difficult to expound on developed visions as it would be to generate them from basic ideas. Collaboration on a well-formed foundation is only a matter of creativity within pre-existing parameters that make it easier to dovetail/build upon. Also, I realized that for this assignment it’s fine to build out areas that are only touched upon without fear of offense or reprisal, and to have them suggested for my own work. It’s all part of the process, and perfectionism/fearing rejection is counterproductive. Keeping what is good is the point. There may be revisions/ideas that are ultimately rejected, but being open to this is perfectly fine.

As the producer, I found that a few well-formed questions can incite ideological breakthroughs and cultivate stronger story and character arcs. I enjoy the process of refining and specificity, so every new question is a chance to bolster the weaknesses and polish the strengths.

Title: Currency

Genre: Sci-Fi/Thriller

Logline: A woman fails the test of time when evil preys on her innermost desires.

OPENING

ALINA GLASS is gorgeous, entitled and hungry for the next self-centered rush—which comes in the inexplicable form of a lightning strike on a clear night. Short-circuited, her car crunches to a stop on a remote gravel road; ahead is a dark mouth of thick overhanging trees and the unknown… but there! A flicker of light? Yes, again, deep in the throat of darkness. Without reception she’s got little choice–she abandons the car, targeting the unlikely beacon—a quaint cottage, invisible save for the fireglow within. Little does she know she’s expected: as she raises her hand to knock on the weathered door, it opens to a hunched OLD WOMAN in a shawl, welcoming her as though long-lost family. “You must be cold.” she says—indeed, stepping over the threshold, a chill rifles through Alina. Far from frightening, it thrills her.

INCITING INCIDENT

Still without signal, Alina accepts the offer of tea and weathers the woman’s story of her long lost son and breaking down in deep, forlorn tears until she grows quite still in her chair—is she alive? Alina touches the ancient woman’s hand: instantly, an aged thirteen-inch black and white television sparks to life! Equally startling, the old woman excitedly introduces Alina to her son: trapped in an electronic universe, KONRAD VON KRIEG impossibly engages her. His Mother entreats her to move closer where Konrad can better see. The insanity of his situation is equalled only by his compelling allure; her innate vices contrast her privileged background, wanting not just more, but everything—and something irresistible in Konrad opens her floodgates as she spills the truth: This wasn’t chance at all, she’s been searching for the place, enticed by wives tales about an oracle with unimaginable power. He makes an offer too good to refuse.

FIRST ACT TURNING POINT

His power immense, Konrad wields it like a sickle, luring unsuspecting prey to the harvest in search of the one soul that will free him from his impenetrable netherworld. He offers Alina everything she desires in exchange for her soul, his Mother now presenting a bound book bearing an odd glyph inside a…TV?…inside a circle. Over a blank page, the elderly medium slices Alina’s hand to seal the deal in blood: it’s time for her to receive the worship she deserves. But Konrad is liar: Alina’s molecules are electrified as she’s sucked into the screen. Mother slams the book closed shortly after she rematerializes, onscreen, and Alina becomes a lovely statue encased in eternal damnation. But she’s not ‘the one.’ Until Mother can bring another, Konrad devolves to the centerpiece statue among many others in his garden.

Mother is grieved—she was sure this was the one. Hysterical, she rifles through Alina’s purse; finding her keys, she trudges out, lightning arcing above as she reaches the car in a rage. She starts it up, drives it to the cottage and behind, to an obscured junkyard of vehicles hulking in the darkness. She shrieks, leaving the car and re-entering her home, taking up the book and maniacally cursing in an alien tongue—and suddenly seizes, bewildered. She drops the book before the fire, sinks into her chair—and dies.

MIDPOINT

YEARS LATER, the cottage lies overgrown in disrepair, consumed by nature until an intrepid ARCHAEOLOGIST ventures down the now-a-jungle road, drawn by a mysterious heartbeat of energy. His state-of-the-art tech leads him to the brittle door; once inside, he marvels at the interior, the withered skeleton in the chair, the book before the fireplace. He opens it, regarding many pages of dull brown spatter. Back to the cover, his eyes are drawn from the glyph image to the television on the stand nearby. His tech is a solid EKG of spikes: Could it be? He turns the TV on—nothing. He opens the book. On a hunch, he pricks his finger and dabs a page. WHOOSH! Disoriented by the energy of the alternate realm collapsing on him, he fights his instinct to flee. Without his mother as conduit, Konrad can only watch helplessly as the archeologist gets his bearings and threatens his domain. Drawn to Alina, the archeologist reads a hieroglyphic etched on her statue. She suddenly bursts forth, distraught and temporarily blind, lashing out at him—a beam of crackling electricity arcs from her and away amongst the many statues. Has he stumbled onto evil incarnate, or helpless victim? He reassures her as her sight slowly returns; after an uneasy truce, they follow the arc of energy to a shrine that appears to be a retro console TV, bearing the same symbol as on the book, in the center of a pool of water—the bottom shimmers, almost like TV snow. Alina dives in, swims down—and is gone! The Archaeologist follows suit—and tumbles onto the floor of the cottage, where Alina, in tears, has the book, turning the pages within. She shuts it—and the TV turns off.

SECOND ACT TURNING POINT

Alina refuses to leave the others. That means a return to Konrad’s domain; if she has to, she’ll do it alone. He convinces her to wait until he can secure help; no signal. He goes to his vehicle, and switches to a fully charged Satellite smartphone, FaceTiming his ASSISTANT—his top student.

As they wait, Alina gives her rescuer a thumbnail backstory—lied to, repentant, she has to do the right thing. The Assistant arrives; they all contribute a blood sample and arrive in the electronic realm and get to work reading the statues’ glyphs—as people are freed, they wear attire from the dawn of television through the present age: this has been going on for decades.

CRISIS

With each new release, another arc connects to the shrine—unfortunately, the overload of energy grows until the shrine explodes, the portal closed forever, condemning them all to a second torturous death. The Assistant produces the Book from her bag, kept from closing by her smartphone wedged in the pages. The Archaeologist is stunned she possesses it, they argue over the danger of having brought it; she’s his match, not backing down—and suddenly seizing on an idea: FaceTime, video, WebTV—could it work? She turns on her phone…nothing. The hotspot…the electrical arcs reappear!—and die. The Archaeologist pulls the Sat phone, fully charged, turns on the hotspot. Success! The Assistant places his phone on the rubble of the shrine, and the bottom of the pool crackles to life, but the battery is already draining quickly…

CLIMAX

As Alina herds people into the pool, the Assistant and Archaeologist rush to free the rest—the Assistant reads Konrad’s glyph—he explodes into being, wielding terrifying power, lashing out and slaughtering several of the newly rescued—as he turns to the jerry-rigged portal, choked with people diving in, the Archaeologist and Alina try to shield them—but the Assistant arrests Konrad’s attention with the book as she begins tearing pages from it. The Archaeologist is agonized, the battery on the phone flashing on its last bar—the Assistant screams at them to go, ripping more pages out. They do, her sacrifice certain as they dive in.

RESOLUTION

Alina and the Archaeologist appear among the score of survivors—they’re not in the cottage, but in a third-world ramshackle shelter. They venture out as a group, heading into the night toward a glow over a hill. Reaching the crest, they look down upon a large metropolis: Bombay.

In the cottage, the TV is snow, sputters out. The BOOK thumps into the lap of Mother’s corpse, hands take up the shawl—KONRAD’S. He turns, placing it on the shoulders of THE ASSISTANT. She considers, raises an eyebrow and shakes her head. He grins, she smirks.

NEARBY, the ARCHAEOLOGIST and ALINA pull up behind the Archaeologist’s truck, still parked where it was. Steeling themselves, they make their way to the cottage to do damage control—but it’s leveled to the ground, charred rubble beneath vines and brambles. They stare, dumbfounded; beyond, many vehicles from many eras rust in foliage, save for Alina’s car. She produces a spare key, depressing a button—her lights flash with a CHIRP CHIRP!

[Jason]

Also–two of the ‘devices’ I included in this treatment were composed after the interview; I was having some difficulty reconciling the mechanics in a sound manner, so I improvised–as this is an exercise, I felt that committing to something, even if it’s not the best choice, is better than going with something that is vague. Alistair’s idea is still in the development phase, so as a writer I would expect the Producer to say “I like this, this, this–and I hate this and this” so I could use the opportunity to clarify and develop a better idea.

Alistair, I hope your faith in me isn’t shaken. 😀

[Jason]

Jason’s Fantastic Treatment

What I learned doing this assignment is: Streamlining the entire throughline into two pages is a painstaking process of careful selection, narrowing down the most specific plot points. While there are industry standard ‘formulaic’ means of doing so, it is a challenge to apply them in a manner that will certainly leave out some important details–but that isn’t the point: incorporating the most salient Interest Techniques are the key elements.

I’ll be using the 3-Act Structure; my “paragraphs” are sometimes broken into salient transitions, but they’re still nested within the 8 subsections (which I’ll list).

Title: Immigrant Immortal

Genre: Supernatural/Psychological Thriller

Logline: A renowned psychologist who treats a man that believes he’s a fallen angel soon has problems differentiating between reality and the man’s infectious delusions.

OPENING

HALEY ASHER, 14, meets a mysterious friend in an abandoned mine on her farm, who invites her to a place “a million times better than here.” She reaches into the darkness as another voice calls her name, echoing–

40-something DR. JOHN RIDDLE, surname by wry choice, famous among the elite in clinical psychology, can’t sleep. He can’t shake Haley’s file photos; he treated and cured her, now the images of her violently broken body at the bottom of an old mine shaft has him shaken. While his doctor recommends a sabbatical–

INCITING INCIDENT:

–John returns to his practice and is surprised by MACIUM: a prior patient, lucid, highly intelligent, and believes he’s a fallen angel. It’s been a six month hiatus but they fall in like old friends. When John suggests he still has a problem, Macium unhinges, growing angry, intimidating; John has a vision of an explosion of crows and darkness erupting into the room–

–and awakens on his floor, alone, disoriented. He contacts his own shrink, AMANDA BELLUM, 40’s. Sensual, MENSA material with a doctorate in Parapsychology, Amanda accepts the fantastical things John disregards. She suggests Macium is manipulating him due to John’s lack of faith in anything but empirical fact. John considers: out of respect for her, and his suppressed attraction to her, but his phone rings–

Detective TIMOTHY BROGAN, 40’s, investigates Haley’s death. Downtown, Brogan attacks John’s methods and ethics as John admits he administered an experimental drug, Zaprexin;

John recounts pivotal visits to Haley’s farm throughout her journey from near catatonia to full recovery. Brogan reminds him she’s dead, and that he’ll be in touch.

FIRST ACT TURNING POINT:

John hits the library; he’s not surprised when Macium shows up, and goes on the offensive: people who see angels and demons are damaged. Macium suggests John’s book knowledge failed Haley, then physically menaces him before leaving; John finds one of Haley’s characteristic “Hope” barrettes on the floor before suffering another disturbing vision in the shadows of the library, consuming eight hours in an instant.

John reconnects with Amanda; her pro-bono client, ANNA MONTGOMERY, 60’s, is obsessed with “Immigrants”: beings “behind the veil” waging war over humanity. Amanda produces Anna’s sketches of an Immigrant, a man she’s never met. They’re of Macium. John is floored to discover Anna is blind.

John heads home to find an apologetic Macium, who reveals he’s directly involved in the Asher case; John suffers the darkest vision yet, seizing as he enters a fugue state before he’s screaming, injured, with Amanda at his door. He doesn’t remember calling. She tends his wound, curious, but Brogan shows up with harder questions. When Amanda appears stripped down to one of John’s shirts to rescue him, he learns the two apparently know each other already. Really well. But Brogan leaves them alone, for now.

MIDPOINT:

John and Amanda try to get back to business as usual, prepping for a public debate over Clinical v. Parapsychology. When they stop at her office to give Haley’s file back to John, the room implodes in a surreal, Dante-ish chaos. They take shelter–and after charged moments she pulls him to her and he gives in to his desire. Lost in one another, Macium watches unnoticed in the normal, undisturbed office.

At the debate, John is appreciated by an audience of peers. Amanda wows them with sharp wit and canny responses. Macium arrives, and John finds himself in a hostile environment; Amanda shreds his arguments and publicly humiliates him, exposing a deep vulnerability. Betrayed and overwhelmed, John collapses–

SECOND ACT TURNING POINT:

–and wakes, hospitalized, to Anna at bedside, who speaks of history only he could know. Seeing Macium, John lashes out; Macium leaves, telling him “You’ll know where to find me”. It’s Anna’s turn to take John on a mindwalk culminating with bright BEINGS surrounding the bed, warding off shrieking HORRORS as they attack. John must be dreaming–

John and Haley stroll through the field on her farm. He inquires if she’s seen her angel since they began treatment nearly a year ago. At the foreboding mine entrance, she hands him her stuffed rabbit so she can get something out of her shoe. The rabbit feels wrong–but she tags him and darts into the cave. John chases and encounters a frightening figure, towering, eyes afire, who assures him he’ll be seeing him soon.

CRISIS:

John’s on Amanda’s couch, nose bloodied, Anna and Amanda tending to him. Amanda claims he’s had a seizure, the debate/hospital never happened. She asks if he’s been taking Zaprexin as well. Brogan enters, also curious. Amanda suggests the drug has kept John teetering between the physical and spiritual realms, that he’s taking it to block something. She reveals Haley’s folder to be Macium’s brutal criminal record. As John breaks down, Brogan and Amanda vie for his attention: her with her body, her voice, her touch — Brogan with the reminder of Haley and why they’re here. Anna asks what Macium meant by “You’ll know where to find me,” proving the hospital DID happen–but John is succumbing to Amanda’s seduction as she becomes something terrifying, inhuman, until he feels the jab of Haley’s barrette and cries out in desperate response: He knows. Brogan grins, but Amanda viciously knocks John unconscious.

John opens his eyes to Brogan pulling into the Asher farm. Brogan waits in the car as John goes in search of answers. In the cellar, he finds the drawn corpse of GEORGE ASHER, Haley’s father, frozen in fright.

CLIMAX:

John heads to the mine as it begins to rain; inside, the way is slow going and he cracks his head on an overhang, dropping to his knees where Macium greets him in semidarkness. John accuses Macium of the deeds in the folder. Instead of denial, Macium hands over Haley’s RABBIT. It’s full of Haley’s Zaprexin–she never took it. Macium states it was John’s attentions that helped her, not drugs; she needed a father. He walks John through flashes of Haley’s treatment, revealing her father wanted her cured so he could keep molesting her, the root of her catatonia.

John, furious, can’t comprehend why Macium would keep this secret, John could have done something. Macium asks if he mightn’t have made it worse by giving her the drug currently killing him; John moves to go but Macium reveals his true, terrifying form–and that it was he who suggested George Asher seek Riddle for treatment, who told Haley not to take the drugs, and who would be the last thing George Asher would see.

RESOLUTION:

John, stunned, hears laughter. Haley enters, making her way past into darkness, into the conversation at the start of the film. Macium assures John that this is war, there are sides, and there are choices needing careful attention, choices affecting eternity. John can only gape as he sees himself run into the cavern after Haley, calling to her, striking his head on the overhang, knocking him to the floor and darkness.

John rises, edging forward, calling to Haley as before. She takes his hand, pleased, and introduces him to her now unseen friend. John doesn’t argue with her, ‘pleased to meet’ her invisible angel: He’s no longer the skeptic he once was.

Haley and John exit the mine, heading to the Asher home, Brogan’s car nowhere in sight.

Inside, Macium examines Haley’s room, twiddling a Hope barrette. He heads to the cellar, where George Asher arranges canned goods. George turns, his face contorts in terror, and Macium introduces himself.

Crash Black: The End.

• This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by  Jason Bortz.
• This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by  Jason Bortz.
• This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by  Jason Bortz.
• This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by  Jason Bortz.

[Jason]

Jason’s Producer Interview Experience

What I learned doing this assignment is I am more comfortable in a one-on-one scenario drawing ideas out and expounding on them than I have been previously, perhaps due to several of the ‘life experiences’ I’ve weathered since being actively involved in the industry. That said, I became aware that if we were starting from scratch, a mere two hours only scratches the surface of fully capturing and conveying the skeleton of a fleshed out feature film, particularly when the subject matter has definitive key points that must be included.

Laying the groundwork by seeking and developing rapport and an easygoing, receptive attitude toward incorporating as much of the information as can be extrapolated as possible is essential, and being actively interested even in the minutest details is invaluable. Having an understanding of plot points and rising action, as well as searching for the throughlines that link the major plot points together was one of my main goals, and through a few answers Lisa gave that she’s spent time developing, by the end we were exploring possibilities for expansion rather than merely information mining.

Lisa had done the work and her research, so it wasn’t difficult to grasp the fundamentals and the overall vision for the film, as well as see further into the possibilities for the sequel and beyond. The more the Producer understands, the easier my involvement—however, being aware of that amount of research also would require me to invest my time into doing no less, and the room for ‘creative license’ would be narrowed to a very specific set of steps to thread together and fulfill the checkpoints already in place.

Lisa was great, a lot more personable than a few producers I’ve known who have ideas but very little understanding of how to put them to the page. Definitely an advantage in this assignment. 😀

[Jason]

Jason’s Synopsis for Producer Interview

Title: Dreaming Wide Awake

Genre: Romantic Comedy

Logline: A reclusive woman becomes an unwitting small-town celebrity when her journal is made public without her consent.

Synopsis: GINA SEMPLE, thirtysomething conventional beauty sans makeup, lives in a small town on the coast, content in a job that could be performed by anyone. Her house is inherited and paid for, her routine established and predictable, and her escape is personal and fulfilling: she writes.

Gina’s written world is full of dreams, of anecdotes and poems, of observations and metaphors. Her thought life crowded, every spare moment finds her hunched at a keyboard, tapping away.

Gina works for MARK and MAGGIE KETCHUM, late 40’s, who own a freight company on the edge of Point North. Gina’s handles their data entry and accounting, has for over a year. Gina doesn’t know that Maggie’s been following her writing ever since she discovered it on her computer while looking for invoices. Mark and Maggie had dreams of their own, but building and maintaining a business has obscured the vitality in their lives.

When Gina’s computer suffers accidental breakdown, the secret is out: Maggie takes Gina to the local watering hole where PARKER LANG, an understated rogue in his late 30’s, tends bar. Maggie reveals she’s been a fan of Gina’s for months, and has only recently caught up on the chapters of her journals she keeps on her work computer. Gina’s floored and a bit tipsy; Maggie’s intent was to find out why Gina doesn’t share her gift with the world, hoping a few drinks would loosen her up. Instead, Gina becomes ill and bolts for the restroom, and afterwards encounters Parker; in an empty room with a covered piano, Parker preps for the evening’s live music set. Gina’s preoccupied with the instrument–Parker points out a bit of food in her hair, sealing Gina’s embarrassment and motivating her hasty exit from the place to walk her bike home.

Parker is intrigued. Maggie is unfulfilled in her quest to convince Gina she’s worth more than a just-above-minimum-wage job in a nowhere town.

Until she gets the idea to prove once and for all Gina’s writing is brilliant, and immediately moves to carry out her plan–she emails an old friend, now station manager at the local news affiliate.

Within hours, Gina’s once neatly-packaged life is pried open for all eyes to see–and Maggie was right: Gina’s inner world becomes a playground for everyone who hears it, and the words written in silence call loudly from the rooftops of people’s sheltered imaginations.

But it will take more than overnight celebrity to awaken Gina to the possibilities in store–her first instinct is to close her eyes to the notoriety, to isolate herself from the prying eyes of strangers. It will take the efforts of not a few passionate people to reveal the truth: the passion she finds in them is her own, reflected back at her from the eyes of whom she’s touched.

[Jason]

Looking for assignment partner!

[Jason]

Thanks for the response Dimitri, appreciated!

I could use a feedback partner, looking forward to moving forward! My sample is in the first section of Assignment 5. My genre is Psychological Thriller, but I’ll read anything and use the convention guidelines. Thanks!

• This reply was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by  Jason Bortz.

[Jason]

Hey all. I sent this today:

Several of us have finished the first portion of the Day Five assignment; there’s confusion over the imperative for part 2:

Exchange feedback with at least one other person.

1. Go to the forum titled “Lesson 5: Partner Up for Writing Sample Feedback.” Please make an agreement there with another writer. Tell us the genre to make it easier for people to decide to work with you.

1. This forum doesn’t exist. “Lesson 5: Your Writing Sample that Gets You Hired” has a forum, but there’s no “Part 2” area for discussion with the above title.

2. From private discussion, some believe they must partner with those who share a similar genre–as only a handful of writers have contributed, the choices are limited. I was under the impression the genre speciality didn’t matter to the reviewer if they follow the Convention descriptor sheet guidelines.

3. A few folks have asked questions with no responses–is this course entirely student-motivated without interaction from Hal or Cheryl? If so, that explains why people’s questions are going unanswered.

Thanks for letting me know, I’ll share with the group if there’s any response.

Jason

—

So, hopefully this will receive a response. I’ll partner with anyone, regardless of genre. Just let me know!

[Jason]

So, are we waiting for this “Lesson Five: Partner Up for Writing Sample Feedback” thread to appear–the deadline is tomorrow…

[Jason]

Jason’s Psychological Thriller Writing Sample Plan

What I learned during this assignment is writing samples can be ‘stacked’, that is, manipulated out of context or sequence from the original script, in order to better secure your position/credibility with the producer. I previously kept the structural integrity of the script intact–now I realize it isn’t about the purity of the end product, but about showcasing the actual talent and ability it takes to hook the reader into wanting more.

Backstory:

This sample begins on page 27, as the second act finds Dr. John Riddle now under routine investigation of his deceased patient, 14-year-old Haley Asher, found dead at the bottom of a mine shaft on her farm. John expects the investigation–he himself is devastated by it, as Haley was ‘cured’ of acute catatonia in his care–but he’s also unsettled by the reappearance of a former patient, Macium, which seems to coincide with Haley’s demise.

Macium is one of the only cases Riddle has not ‘resolved’–the Doctor is a highly intelligent and well respected psychologist, a humanist, and his educated, track-record-proven assessment of Macium leaves little room for Macium’s belief he is an actual fallen angel from the “1/3 of the host cast out with Lucifer”, the devil. Macium, however, seems to know more about John–and about Haley–than John is able to reconcile; with each interaction, Macium grows more urgent and more hostile–and John begins to show signs of stress and exhaustion.

——————–

INT. POLICE STATION / BROGAN’S OFFICE – LATER

DETECTIVE TIM BROGAN, 40s, lean and angular, sits across from John. He’s seen it all, he’s run from nothing. He taps ink into the head of a pen on a notepad, continues a slew of shorthand. The clock reads 11:34.

BROGAN

Okayyy…

John eyes the gun on the man’s shoulder holster.

BROGAN (CONT’D)

We got after, let’s do before.

John nods, deep breath. He stifles a yawn.

BROGAN (CONT’D)

Oh–real quick: you used Zaprexin?

JOHN

I did.

BROGAN

It’s FDA?

JOHN

…pending.

BROGAN scribbles.

JOHN

Haley had already been saturated by a galaxy of thymoleptic antidepressants. State aid qualified her for a book-smart reprobate who felt intrusive therapy would benefit a fourteen year old girl–

BROGAN

I got his backstory. This is you.

JOHN

…I prescribed the Zaprexin. You know what it is, yes?

BROGAN

Anti-psychotic.

JOHN

…sure.

BROGAN

“Sure”? Like ‘you want to go to the movies’ sure or ‘Yes, I’m certain that’s correct’ sure?

JOHN

It’s been used for the treatment of psychotic episodes, yes, but not exclusively as a neuroleptic. It’s been found beneficial in similar cases–

BROGAN

Not too many of those, though.

JOHN

No. Not too many.

BROGAN

So the drug’s still experimental.

JOHN

In some cases, yes.

BROGAN

In Haley Asher’s case?

JOHN

…yes.

BROGAN

Go on.

INT. TRAIN – DAY – FLASHBACK

John stares out as farmers’ fields whip by.

JOHN (V.O.)

In the beginning, I offered to care for her at her father’s farm on the outskirts of Baltimore. I saw her once a week.

EXT. ASHER FARM – DAY – FLASHBACK

A soft psychiatrist’s hand clasps the rough, callused hand of the farmer. GEORGE ASHER leads John toward the house beneath cloud-dotted blue.

INT. ASHER HOME / KITCHEN – FLASHBACK

Many CUCKOO CLOCKS, paused at various times on the wall.

Two pairs of crossed ankles, Haley’s bare feet across from John’s Oxfords. Her feet are mosquito bitten.

Her eyes stare listless, the kitchen window reflected in still, unmoving pools of blue.

BROGAN (V.O.)

You dosed her every week?

INT. POLICE STATION / BROGAN’S OFFICE – SAME

John shakes his head. Rubs his temple.

JOHN

Not initially. Eventually.

BROGAN

How long?

JOHN

I started her eight weeks after the rest of the crap was out of her system.

BROGAN

Time for new crap.

JOHN

My decision wasn’t arbitrary.

BROGAN

But it was experimental.

JOHN

Every prescription is experimental until the patient responds to it.

BROGAN

How did her father respond?

JOHN

You have to understand, these are country folk. Simple, glorious–he’d work the farm, she’d kept their home–in his spare time he’d work the old mines on the property. An elusive dream worth keeping alive.

A FLASH of Haley’s shadow in the mine, a plume of breath.

JOHN (CONT’D)

He asked me to fix her. In no uncertain terms, he pleaded for me to fix his daughter.

BROGAN

What exactly needed fixing, Doc?

JOHN

You read the file–

BROGAN

Yeah, I read it. But apparently everything in there wasn’t good enough for you.

EXT. ASHER FARM – DAY – FLASHBACK

John and Haley sit at a picnic table beneath a willow tree, cows graze nearby.

A pair of BLUE “HOPE” BARRETTES pin Haley’s cornsilk hair back from her face. Her gaze distant, aloof, jaw slack.

JOHN (V.O.)

When he brought me on she was near catatonic, a listless shell of a girl that would typically be thinking about boy bands and clothes and TikTok. She was misdiagnosed as bipolar.

Haley’s hands are unmoving on the table, one atop the other. Her STUFFED RABBIT, PONTIUS, sits close by. Atop her left hand, a WASP crawls lazily over her fingers searching for something interesting.

John observes her, looks about. He spies half of a ROBIN’S EGGSHELL on the ground, shows it to her.

JOHN (V.O.)

After a month of Zaprexin she was leading conversations. Two months and she cared about clothing choices. At four months she began testing at her age level.

Her eyes flicker. They fix on the blue shell.

Her hand twitches. The wasp rises, floats away.

John offers the broken eggshell, amazed–

INT. POLICE STATION / BROGAN’S OFFICE – SAME

John keeps himself in check. Barely.

JOHN

–and she could laugh, detective. A month before her death she and her father dropped by my office unannounced, her first outing in nearly three years. You tell me if my methodology ran an obvious course down that mine shaft.

BROGAN

Wasn’t the anticipated reaction.

JOHN

Assuming you’ve done the extensive homework it requires to understand administering psychoactive pharmaceuticals, I’m sure you’ll remember in the vast majority of cases any inclinations or tendencies toward suicide are most prevalent during the first few weeks of administration. Haley displayed zero signs, not one, not even a wayward comment or association well into her ninth month with me.

A staring contest. Brogan waits.

BROGAN

But.

JOHN

…two weeks before her visit I began administering lower dosages.

EXT. RIDDLE’S TOWNHOUSE – DAY – FLASHBACK

John opens the door to Haley, grinning with glee—John, nonplussed, grins.

JOHN (V.O.)

Placebos. When she showed up at my door…big smile on her face…I was convinced she’d gotten through it. That we’d broken through.

As GEORGE ASHER steps from the blind spot beside the door; Haley pulls a small envelope from her pocket. John unfolds a drawing: Haley, holding Pontius in one hand, Riddle’s hand in the other. Written beneath: Thank you for staying with me. I hope you never leave! Haley

He smiles as she hugs him tight.

BROGAN (V.O.)

Kind of risk you’d expect to take in your profession, eh?

INT. POLICE STATION / BROGAN’S OFFICE – SAME

Brogan isn’t antagonistic. It’s matter of fact. John nods, distant.

JOHN

There were no symptoms. One day she’s handing me a thank you note at my door…kissing my cheek…

Brogan sets the pen down, rubs his eyes.

JOHN (CONT’D)

I have no idea if it would have mattered. If my work would have taken hold eventually, if I’d stayed the course–or if it was only a matter of time, timing…

BROGAN

You getting any help yourself, Doctor?

JOHN

…yes. I was in session with her before you called.

BROGAN

And how’s the talented Ms. Bellum?

John cocks his head. Brogan winks.

BROGAN (CONT’D)

Relax, Doc. Go home. Take a pill. Get some sleep.

EXT. POLICE STATION – NIGHT

John hits the street and walks.

EXT. STREET – NIGHT – MOMENTS LATER

The city seems surreal ; John passes several signs that catch his attention.

An adult video/topless dance parlor, neon dancers flickering. The sign: “TRUE LOVE!”

He continues on past another coin-op video arcade. Before it, a trash bin reads “REFUSE.” Just inside the door, another sign reads “CHANGE.”

Graffiti reads “JESUS SAVES.” Underneath, different artist: “MAN INVESTS”

John pauses before a sign:

NORTHEASTERN ST.

PENN WAY STATION

The lights above are dead, save for one that illuminates:

THE

WAY

Struck by an idea, John checks his watch amid the doorways of closed shops, cardboard and bedrolls of humans asleep—and in the deep shadows of an entry DIRECTLY BESIDE him, a FIGURE observes, unseen.

John, unaware, jogs off into the night.

LIBRARY MESSAGE (OVER)

The library will close in half an hour. Please make sure you have all of your belongings, and place books on collection carts near the exits. Thank you.

INT. LIBRARY – NIGHT – RARE BOOK ROOM

John, sleepless, scans titles in stacks; he pops pills absently and pockets the bottle.

Now at a table, stack of books, one face down and open. He checks another. No. Next. Nope. Next, a book featuring SURREAL PAINTERS. He scans. Turns the page. Scans.

In the margin, at the top right of the page, a stick figure of a girl in a dress, arms out.

He flips the page. Another sketch, slightly different. A little lower. Another page. It’s a FLIP CARTOON, tumbling, falling–and the sudden, final image a VIVID PHOTO of

HALEY’S DEATH RICTUS, EYES GLAZED against a rocky floor–

MACIUM (O.S.)

That good, hunh?

John snaps up. Macium stands across from him.

Haley’s photo is now a glossy print of Avery Palmer’s “None Too Soon for a Balloon”.

If John’s surprised, he doesn’t show it.

JOHN

Macium. Imagine that.

MACIUM

No need to imagine, here I am.

JOHN

Mmhm.

John closes the book. Macium eyes the books, the room.

MACIUM

Bucking the post literate society?

JOHN

I was just reading about you.

John flips up the open book. Macium sits.

JOHN (CONT’D)

A case study early in my practice, could easily have been hers.

MACIUM

I’m sorry John–whose?

JOHN

My girl. Haley.

MACIUM

Ah. Your girl.

JOHN

In fact, this entire book is filled with case studies specifically regarding human interaction with divine entities–angels, demons, Nephilim, cherubim, seraphim–every food group of Judeo-Christian theology.

Macium cocks his head, his smile fixed.

JOHN (CONT’D)

And in every case–well, every one I’ve read so far–it’s a direct result of traumatic antecedents dealing specifically with rejection by a religious father and the patients’ subsuming the resultant guilt, then manifesting imaginary confidants they could project their emotions upon–

John flips through the book, eyeing the pages.

JOHN (CONT’D)

What interests me, every patient established communication with their “otherworldly” companions after their trauma. Zero trace of relationship before the event.

MACIUM

So because your patient’s mother died–

JOHN

No–

MACIUM

–she created angels that convinced her it wasn’t her fault–

JOHN

That’s not where I’m going–

MACIUM

–it most certainly is. If not verbatim, then by association–

JOHN

If you’d let me finish–

MACIUM

–and then you’ll engage me with more incontrovertible Freudian “evidence” that the entirety of the issue, of every issue, centers around behavior aberrant to the ID, the Ego and the superego, championing the infallibility of human understanding–

JOHN

Macium, settle down—

MACIUM

–and finally, you’ll offer a tangential stringing together of suppositions that will prove your understanding of the truth is, in fact, The Truth–

JOHN

–this is about you–

Macium stands, startles John to his feet as he looms over the table; John’s chair and coat clatter to the floor. Macium’s tone drops–

MACIUM

No. It’s about you, and the lie you believe I should accept. Which is sad, because your truth is as much an illusion as your restoration of that child’s soul.

John’s stunned. Macium shrugs.

MACIUM (CONT’D)

You can’t sell me ideas you’re only borrowing, John. Trust me. I’ve heard them all. You dropped something.

John, wary, regards his coat. Back to Macium: he’s gone.

LIBRARY MESSAGE

The library will close in five minutes. Please make your way to the checkout kiosk or the exit. Thank you.

The OVERHEADS switch to auxiliary pools of light in the main study areas and select intersections in the stacks. John’s alone at the table, surrounded by aisles. He picks up the chair. His jacket…as he pulls it up, something small skids a few feet away into the stacks.

Advancing, he crouches to retrieve it: a BARRETTE.

He freezes: Down the stacks, a slim, GIRLISH FIGURE in an unnatural cant stands at the edge of darkness and light, features indistinguishable.

JOHN

(Charged beat)

…hello?

Eyes glittering, EERILY SLOW, the figure cocks her head to the side. Silence. Somewhere a DOOR OPENS, a burst of SHARED LAUGHTER bounces through the stacks, followed by a SHHHHH and then STIFLED GIGGLING. The girl doesn’t move.

JOHN (CONT’D)

…Haley?

The shadow rights her head. Another DOOR opens–a SHRIEK of WOMAN’S LAUGHTER that becomes a SQUEAL of something inhuman, coupled with the deep, raucous CHORTLE of a man amused by a very dirty joke that descends into CHOKING–

The glitter of the girl’s eyes separate, one drifting lower, lower, lower; the figure ever so slowly steps into the pool of light; what seemed to be the silhouette of the girl is actually a MASSIVE WOLFHOUND, it’s chest the level of what was the girl’s head. Its jowls drip saliva, glistening in the light, eyes dark and deep. A LOW RUMBLE, thunder, or growl, RISING–

LIBRARY WORKER (O.S.)

Sir?

John starts: A LIBRARY WORKER, 70’s, behind him with a rolling cart of books.

LIBRARY WORKER (CONT’D)

How did you get in here?

(Off his confusion)

We don’t open for another half an hour. You’ll have to wait outside.

John blinks. Eyes the clock: 7:33.

JOHN

I’m…I–

LIBRARY WORKER

Please?

He nods. Glances about. Becomes conscious of, and unclenches, his fist: Haley’s HOPE BARRETTE, its outline black-purple-red in his palm.

[Jason]

Jason’s Key Business Decisions

What I learned doing this assignment is the business decisions I make in the collaborative process of creating the script will directly inform the viability of the project; the more I am actively aware of the business decisions in my creative product, the higher chance of meeting the expectations of Producers on the business side.

The business decisions in my script are as follows:

Genre: Supernatural Thriller/Mindbender

Title: Immigrant Immortal

Concept: A renowned psychologist who treats a man that believes he’s a fallen angel soon has problems differentiating between reality and the man’s infectious delusions.

Audience: Males 25+. (Sophisticated dialogue, protagonist middle aged male, principle characters are 3 males, 2 females; one female uses sexuality to manipulate protagonist)

Budget: Medium, $5-$25 million. (Multiple locations, 7 scenes using CGI effects, star vehicle)

Lead Characters:

Dr. John Riddle (40’s), avowed atheist/humanist, top-of-his game psychologist. Changed last name to Riddle in his 20’s to anger his father.

Dr. Amanda Bellum, (40’s), parapsychologist, therapist. John’s attractive and antithetical go-to when treating patients damaged by religion.

Macium (40’s), John’s patient, fully believes he’s one of the heavenly host cast out of heaven.

Journey / Character Arc: John is adamant that God, angels and demons and all psychic phenomena are constructs of humanity created by conditioned circumstances and mythos. As his reality crumbles around him, beginning with the death of a young girl he successfully “cured” and continuing through sessions with Macium which trigger seizure-like fugue states containing horrific visions and creatures, he discovers his own worldview has been the most painstakingly constructed lie he’s ever encountered, and everything and everyone he’s known to be true may be entirely fictional.

Opening / Ending

Opening: 14-year-old Haley Asher braves the darkness of the abandoned mine on her property to have a shadowy conversation with her “angel”, who invites her to go “someplace better…a million times better than here.” She accepts.

Dr. John Riddle visits his own doctor, he’s been unable to sleep. A phone conversation with a Judge friend reveals Haley Asher is recently deceased, and John is next in line for the investigation—he shouldn’t be too worried, it’ll be kept low profile, and “he didn’t push her.”

John heads home under stormy urban skies, treats his next patient—and is surprised by Macium, who stopped coming to treatments several months previous. Though the Doctor/Patient relationship is closer to a friendship; they pick up where they left off—but the conversation becomes hostile, culminating in John suffering bizarre, surreal hallucinations and blacking out.

Ending: Macium, a now a terrifying figure in the darkness of the mine, confirms that John’s worldview has been shattered—and it’s a new beginning, as John rises from the floor of the mine, hearing Haley’s conversation from the opening of the film. He finds her speaking to no one in the darkness, but introduces him to her angel. He acknowledges his existence with a “pleased to meet you, Mr. Angel.” Haley is suddenly confused—her friend has left. John reassures her he’ll be back. They leave the mine together under collecting clouds.

In the Asher home, Macium examines Haley’s room, a mural of her mother ascending as a butterfly, her angry father chasing her with a net. [It has been revealed George was the cause of the catatonia John treated her for successfully, as her father had been molesting her after the mother died].

Haley’s father George arranges canned goods in the root cellar. He turns, terrified to find Macium, who greets him as he tries to scream but is unable to produce a sound.

“Hello George. I’m Macium—and I know exactly how you feel.”

Which of those decisions could you improve to make your script more marketable: This script has been optioned before; I’ve spent
a lot of time reworking it repeatedly. I’m not sure, honestly—it’s very
cerebral and “talky,” which has been a turn-off for some readers but “smart and
engrossing” for others. (One reader told me I “should move to Europe, because
they make smart movies overseas.”) Perhaps more action would help…

• This reply was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by  Jason Bortz.

[Jason]

This version is formatted correctly. I hope.

Jason’s Speciality — Psychological Thriller

First film: The Girl on the Train (Mystery/Psychological Thriller)

What I Learned In This Assignment:

I learned that the films I chose are incessant in fulfilling the conventions of the genre, unrelenting in raising the stakes even during more subdued circumstances: if there are no immediate external threats, the internal strife of the characters must keep us no less riveted. This inspires me to rewrite everything I’ve written…

How it Delivered:

[[NOTE: While “Psychological Thriller” isn’t implicitly listed as Genre in favor of “Thriller,” this film delivered the same conventions; Psychological Thrillers, by merit of the distinction, engage the viewer more cerebrally than the more general “Thriller”—you have to pay attention or miss something, rather than a simple spoon-feeding of entertainment through visuals, explosions and driving music.]]

The Girl on the Train raises the stakes near constantly; on an average of every three minutes or less (usually every other page), new information is revealed about characters or circumstances which adds to the tension and unpredictability of the story. Our sympathy for the main protagonist, Rachel, is matched by our growing suspicions of her, as her guilt-driven drunken binges render her incapable of accountability while being, possibly, entirely responsible for her ever changing circumstances involving guilt, infidelity, rage, violence and murder. We share in the constant questioning of her culpability and the effects of her chaotic binges as she infiltrates the lives of her ex-husband and his new love, and those of two strangers she idealizes and lives vicariously through—especially when her idyllic heroine goes missing and is discovered to be murdered. Rachel cannot account for her actions of that night, but everything points to her own drunken-self-recorded desire to murder the woman for ruining the perfect life she projected upon them. As Rachel gropes for answers, her interactions with the surrounding cast become more and more volatile: the points of view of the other two women (and their spouses) are also tracked through non-linear storytelling on different timelines, until the random pieces of the puzzle create a larger, more ominous picture that is as horrific as it is damning and entirely unexpected. The sympathetic anti-hero Rachel, obsessed with confronting the truth—risking her sanity and life in the process—is redeemed at a high price, making for a final conclusion that irrevocably intertwines the three women forever.

The tone of this film is near-constantly ominous and foreboding, the motif of the train—the low rumble, the high squeal, the klaxon call—is never far off. Whether Rachel is aboard and watching a “perfect” world pass by outside, or as it charges along indifferent through the background of the actual chaos unfolding, The Girl on the Train is always moving forward—or backward, depending on the perspective. It is highly effective at keeping us guessing which way we’re going, only sure that nothing will stop us until we get there.

Outline

I have 18 pages of Conventional Fulfillments, as this script is chock-full-o-nuts. Here’s the first act, an example of how many moments are packed into sucking us in and keeping us.

———-

During the opening credits, the low rumble of a train, the high squeal of brakes sets an instant mood of foreboding. A voiceover begins: “My husband used to tell me I had an overactive imagination…”

Now we’re outside a train window; a woman sits drawing an X in her breath on the cold glass. Her voice in our heads:

“…I can’t help it.”

((The “X” is a nice touch–both to convey her altered state, her sense of self–and she draws it as she talks about her husband, though he divorced her two years ago. This dialogue also foreshadows a major plot point occurring in the third act–it is, in fact, her entire sense of self at this moment))

A title card: “Rachel”

We learn in the first three minutes that our protagonist is divorced, broken, and living vicariously through her “favorite girl,” a woman she views twice a day as the train passes her colonial home in New York state. “She’s what I lost, she’s everything I wanted to be.”

At 4:00, she observes them making love in the kitchen. “I can’t remember the last time I had meaningful contact with another person,” her eyes at once filled with longing and pain. She sees herself two houses down—the house where she used to live. While she stares, another woman with a child sits beside her on the train, but soon becomes wary: we learn Rachel is drunk, her speech slurred as she dotes on the child, mini-bottles visible within her purse.

5:00. A title card: “Megan”

“A teacher once told me I was a mistress of self-reinvention.” This is the “favorite girl” who actually hates her life and wants a “fresh start”. In therapy with DR. KAMAL AMBRIC, she calls herself many things, ending with “whore”. “I can’t just be a wife anymore, that’s why I stay awake at night staring at the ceiling…the only time I feel like myself is when I’m running.” She’s stared at by strangers, beautiful, aloof—and tells her therapist though her perfect husband Scott wants a baby, and though she’s a nanny, she wants nothing to do with them. “The first thing I do when I get home is wash that baby smell off.” She feels trapped, restless—and something haunts her, the ‘why’ of her therapy yet to be revealed.

10:00, the title card “Anna”

This is the mother of the baby Megan nannies. They get along well—Megan answers the phone, dead air—Anna is more annoyed than anything, she seems to know who it is.

At 11:00, Megan drops a bomb—she’s getting a new job, it starts tomorrow. Anna is stunned: she has a routine. “There’s no more important job than raising a child!” But Megan drops the key on the counter and exits.

At 13:00, Anna wakes from a nap—a dream, vision, memory?—and heads outside, where Rachel stands holding baby Evie. “What are you doing? Give me my baby!” Surreal, we’re unsure if this actually happened, or is going to happen, or is imagined…

That night, Anna’s man arrives home: Tom. He’s loving, affectionate and warm. We learn Tom is Rachel’s ex, and Rachel has been the one calling and texting.

At 15:00, an inebriated Rachel debarks the train, juxtaposed with Megan, enjoying sex with her husband Scott in her shower; and with Anna beside the sleeping Scott in bed, staring at the ceiling—the phone vibrates again: it’s Rachel. She pushes the phone off the bed.

Rachel is drunk calling, leaving a message to wish Anna a happy birthday. Rachel’s roommate, Cathy, finds her and assists her to bed; Rachel has been there for two years. After Cathy goes, she grabs her phone again—the list shows unsuccessful attempts to call many, many times.

At 17:45, a flashback of Tom and Rachel in a Doctor’s Office: IVF has failed. “We’ll try again,” Tom offers. “We can’t afford to try again.” A devastated Rachel responds. Tom reassures: “When we can, we will.” She takes his hand—he’s awesome.

19:00. The train passes, Rachel watches her favorite girl Megan on her balcony–with another man, who kisses her cheek. She turns to kiss him in return. Rachel is mortified. “Who is that man?” she panics. “What is she’s doing, she’s throwing it all away!”

20:00. Now at the station, triggered, she fills her sports bottle with vodka. She has a flash of finding Tom’s emails to Anna: they had an affair before he left Rachel.

21:00. Rachel commiserates with a friend at a restaurant. “That bitch is living in my house!” They drink more, and in the restaurant bathroom they record a selfie-video berating the cheating couple; Rachel’s focus shifts to her favorite girl, and she unwittingly records a tirade in which she describes breaking into her house and beating her to death for destroying her marriage with infidelity. She’s spiraling, obliterated drunk.

((This is one of the longer scenes in the film–full of intensity and insight, but still under 5 minutes in total)

At 25:00 she stumbles off the train, an enigmatic man in a suit following her. She picks up her pace, running to get away from him—and sees Megan entering the underpass. She staggers after, shouting “You WHORE!” into the tunnel—

And at 25:40, she awakens at home, disheveled, covered in blood, a wound to her head, bruises and scratches on her shoulder and arms. A voicemail from Tom asks “What’s wrong with you??? You scared the shit out of Anna, she almost called the police!” He exhorts her to stay away from them, from his family: “You can ruin your life if you want, I can’t protect you anymore. Please don’t ruin ours.”

[Jason]

Okay, that worked. I don’t know how to delete the previous entry–my only option is to reply. I guess there’s a cap on how many edits you can do…my first edit was to fix formatting, and then my second was to fix the formatting errors my fix caused… 😀

So, QUESTION:

1. I’m wondering if these Outlines are for the purposes of brevity, or for extrapolating all we can from the discoveries we’ve made? I mean, there’s always more, but as I was working I thought ‘I wonder if I’m supposed to be streamlining for, say, the elevator pitch mentality–or am I to dig deeper? Anyone?

2. Is there a ‘General Discussion’ forum where we can yap about our thoughts, reactions, deep personal problems, etc–or should we take that to private messaging?

3. Who do we ask if we have questions like 1) and 2)? 😀

[Jason]

Jason’s Speciality — Psychological Thriller

First film: The Girl on the Train (Mystery/Psychological Thriller)

What I Learned In This Assignment:

I learned that the films I chose are incessant in fulfilling the conventions of the genre, unrelenting in raising the stakes even during more subdued circumstances: if there are no immediate external threats, the internal strife of the characters must keep us no less riveted.

How it Delivered:

[[NOTE: While “Psychological Thriller” isn’t implicitly listed as Genre in favor of “Thriller,” this film delivered the same conventions; Psychological Thrillers, by merit of the distinction, engage the viewer more cerebrally than the more general “Thriller”—you have to pay attention or miss something, rather than a simple spoon-feeding of entertainment through visuals, explosions and driving music.]]

The Girl on the Train raises the stakes near constantly; on an average of every three minutes or less (usually every other page), new information is revealed about characters or circumstances which adds to the tension and unpredictability of the story. Our sympathy for the main protagonist, Rachel, is matched by our growing suspicions of her, as her guilt-driven drunken binges render her incapable of accountability while being, possibly, entirely responsible for her ever changing circumstances involving guilt, infidelity, rage, violence and murder. We share in the constant questioning of her culpability and the effects of her chaotic binges as she infiltrates the lives of her ex-husband and his new love, and those of two strangers she idealizes and lives vicariously through—especially when her idyllic heroine goes missing and is discovered to be murdered. Rachel cannot account for her actions of that night, but everything points to her own drunken-self-recorded desire to murder the woman for ruining the perfect life she projected upon them. As Rachel gropes for answers, her interactions with the surrounding cast become more and more volatile: the points of view of the other two women (and their spouses) are also tracked through non-linear storytelling on different timelines, until the random pieces of the puzzle create a larger, more ominous picture that is as horrific as it is damning and entirely unexpected. The sympathetic anti-hero Rachel, obsessed with confronting the truth—risking her sanity and life in the process—is redeemed at a high price, making for a final conclusion that irrevocably intertwines the three women forever.

The tone of this film is near-constantly ominous and foreboding, the motif of the train—the low rumble, the high squeal, the klaxon call—is never far off. Whether Rachel is aboard and watching a “perfect” world pass by outside, or as it charges along indifferent through the background of the actual chaos unfolding, The Girl on the Train is always moving forward—or backward, depending on the perspective. It is highly effective at keeping us guessing which way we’re going, only sure that nothing will stop us until we get there.

Outline

I have 18 pages of Conventional Fulfillments, as this script is chock-full-o-nuts. Here’s the first act, an example of how many moments are packed into sucking us in and keeping us.

———-

During the opening credits, the low rumble of a train, the high squeal of brakes sets an instant mood of foreboding. A voiceover begins: “My husband used to tell me I had an overactive imagination…”

Now we’re outside a train window; a woman sits drawing an X in her breath on the cold glass. Her voice in our heads:

“…I can’t help it.”

((The “X” is a nice touch–both to convey her altered state, her sense of self–and she draws it as she talks about her husband, though he divorced her two years ago. This dialogue also foreshadows a major plot point occurring in the third act–it is, in fact, her entire sense of self at this moment))
<b style=”background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>

<b style=”background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>A title card: “Rachel”

We know within the first three minutes that our protagonist is divorced, broken, and living vicariously through her “favorite girl,” a woman she views twice a day as the train passes her colonial home in New York state. “She’s what I lost, she’s everything I wanted to be.”

At 4:00, she observes them making love in the kitchen. “I can’t remember the last time I had meaningful contact with another person,” her eyes at once filled with longing and pain. She sees herself two houses down—the house where she used to live. While she stares, another woman with a child sits beside her on the train, but soon becomes wary: we learn Rachel is drunk, her speech slurred as she dotes on the child, mini-bottles visible within her purse.

<b style=”background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>

<b style=”background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>A title card: “Megan”

“A teacher once told me I was a mistress of self-reinvention.” This is the “favorite girl” who actually hates her life and wants a “fresh start”. In therapy with DR. KAMAL AMBRIC, she calls herself many things, ending with “whore”. “I can’t just be a wife anymore, that’s why I stay awake at night staring at the ceiling…the only time I feel like myself is when I’m running.” She’s stared at by strangers, beautiful, aloof—and tells her therapist though her perfect husband Scott wants a baby, and though she’s a nanny, she wants nothing to do with them. “The first thing I do when I get home is wash that baby smell off.” She feels trapped, restless—and something haunts her, the ‘why’ of her therapy yet to be revealed.
<b style=”background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>

<b style=”background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>At 10:00, the title card “Anna”

This is the mother of the baby Megan nannies. They get along well—Megan answers the phone, dead air—Anna is more annoyed than anything, she seems to know who it is.

At 11:00, Megan drops a bomb—she’s getting a new job, it starts tomorrow. Anna is stunned: she has a routine. “There’s no more important job than raising a child!” But Megan drops the key on the counter and exits.

At 13:00, Anna wakes from a nap—a dream, vision, memory?—and heads outside, where Rachel stands holding baby Evie. “What are you doing? Give me my baby!”

That night, Anna’s man arrives home: Tom. He’s loving, affectionate and warm. We learn Tom is Rachel’s ex, and Rachel has been the one calling and texting.

At 15:00, an inebriated Rachel debarks the train, juxtaposed with Megan, enjoying sex with her husband Scott in her shower; and with Anna beside the sleeping Scott in bed, staring at the ceiling—the phone vibrates again: it’s Rachel. She pushes the phone off the bed.

Rachel is drunk calling, leaving a message to wish Anna a happy birthday. Rachel’s roommate, Cathy, finds her and assists her to bed; Rachel has been there for two years. After Cathy goes, she grabs her phone again—the list shows unsuccessful attempts to call many, many times.

At 17:45, a flashback of Tom and Rachel in a Doctor’s Office: IVF has failed. “We’ll try again,” Tom reassures. “We can’t afford to try again.” Rachel responds. Tom shrugs, “When we can, we will.”

19:00. The train passes, Rachel watches her favorite girl Megan on her balcony–with another man, who kisses her cheek. She turns to kiss him in return. Rachel is mortified. “Who is that man?” she panics. “What is she’s doing, she’s throwing it all away!”

20:00. Now at the station, triggered, she fills her sports bottle with vodka. She has a flash of finding Tom’s emails to Anna: they had an affair before he left Rachel.

Rachel commiserates with a friend at a restaurant. “That bitch is living in my house!” They drink more, and in the restaurant bathroom they record a selfie-video berating the cheating couple; Rachel’s focus shifts to her favorite girl, and she unwittingly records a tirade in which she describes breaking into her house and beating her to death for destroying her marriage with infidelity. She’s spiraling, obliterated drunk. ((This is one of the longer scenes in the film–full of intensity and insight, but still under 5 minutes in total)

At 25:00 she stumbles off the train, an enigmatic man in a suit following her. She picks up her pace, running to get away from him—and sees Megan entering the underpass. She staggers after, shouting “You WHORE!” into the tunnel—
<b style=”background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>

<b style=”background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>And at 25:40, she awakens at home, disheveled, covered in blood, a wound
to her head, bruises and scratches on her shoulder and arms. A message from Tom
asks “<i style=”background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>What’s wrong with you??? You scared the shit out of Anna, she almost
called the police!” He exhorts her to stay away from them, from his family–“You can ruin your life if you want, I can’t protect you anymore. Please don’t ruin ours.”

• This reply was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by  Jason Bortz.
• This reply was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by  Jason Bortz.

[Jason]

Whyyyy is the formatting messed up? Guess I need to make any edits in Word, where I compose the document…poo.

[Jason]

Jason’s Credibility is Going Up!

What I Learned Doing This Assignment:

I realized I underutilize social media and didn’t really take LinkedIn as a viable source that applied to me; most writing jobs followed the old model of in-person pitching or “get this script to this guy who knows this guy who’s friends with her” manner. Though I have a manager, I have been somewhat passive of late in doing the work on my own. This assignment stoked a desire to be more hands-on. I also realized I have a decent baseline–663 connections on LinkedIn and the majority of responses on “Jason Bortz” and “Jason Bortz Writer” on Google.

30-Day Plan of Attack:

1. Update and educate myself on the ins-and-outs of LinkedIn, I’ve not used it in some time.

2. Create an introductory letter to reconnect with contacts across social media platforms, drawing attention to my work and desire for more.

3. Create topical Vlog to put a face to my name and engage/build familiarity.

1. Your Writing Sample Responses:

I have been hired to provide coverage on many scripts; my baseline for beginning (ten years ago) was following and building on models created by ScriptShark and Snyder’s “Save the Cat.” I typically do not send scripts out for coverage, but receive brutal peer reviews from other working writers.

Delivers on the genre in a strong way: I edit until it does.

Delivers on the business decisions: When applicable, yes.

2. Screenwriting Accomplishments Responses:

Contest wins: No wins for scripts (never entered,) but some noms/awards for completed projects.

Smaller deals (options, sales, writing assignments): Several options.

Larger deals. One feature in development listed on IMDbPro.

Movies produced. No features, several shorts went festival circuit, some nominations/awards.

3. The Google Factor:

“Google your name. How many items on the first page show you as a professional screenwriter?:” Top of Google search, 5 appearances on first page. Two confirm writing, the rest acting. Googling “Jason Bortz Writer” returns 9 of the 10 entries on the page.

Buzz posts, interviews, news reports, etc: IMDb lists interviews, etc. ScreenplayReaders endorsement.

4. Your Network:

How many producers are in your network?: I have 663 connections on LinkedIn, for the life of me I can’t find the “edit tags” option with which to sort them. It’s not there, so I need to figure that out—I rarely use it.

How many Connections do you have who are connected to producers? See previous—I will figure it out. Probably at least 1/3.

5. Education Specific to Screenwriting:

Degree in film or screenwriting. Certificate for Acting, not writing.

Master Screenwriter Certificate program at ScreenwritingU: Have not taken.

6. Borrowed Credibility:

Represented by an agent or manager: Yes, have a literary agent.

Working with a producer: Not at present.

Connected to a star: Not publicly.

Connected to a funding source: No.

7. IMDB CREDITS

Go to IMDB and search your name. What credits show up there for you?:
Actor, 29. Writing, 8. Directing, 6. Producing, 5. I am on IMDbPro.

8. Other forms of credibility that is related to screenwriting: Shout-outs on various web forums.

Novels published. None.

Producer or director experience: IMDb lists.

Experience working with
agencies, production companies, film festivals, etc.. See previous.

SECTION TWO:

Jason’s LinkedIn Profile Is Amazing!

Answer the question “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put
it at the top of your work:
What I learned doing this assignment is that LinkedIn can be viable marketing resource, and that I can use it to build working relationships and cultivate professional working contacts leading to employment rather than echoing a Facebook/Twitter novelty communication platform.

Tell us the instant improvements you made to your LinkedIn Profile and
your plan for improving your credibility on LinkedIn over the next 30 days: The instant improvements I’ve made: modifying my experience and emphasizing writing as the #1 priority/first viewed career details, and updating my banner image to invoke an instant connection to what I do. As stated previously, I will work on mastering the platform as a functional tool, and optimize it to showcase my abilities and what I have to offer as a business professional who is relatable, outgoing and easy to work with.

• This reply was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by  Jason Bortz.

[Jason]

Day 1 is up!

In my off hours, I fight crime as “State the Obvious Man”.

[Jason]

Jason’s Projects and Insights

The two projects I’ll be offering:

A) Dreaming Wide Awake – Romantic Comedy

Logline: A reclusive woman struggles with becoming a small-town celebrity when her fantastical, deeply private journal is made public without her consent.

Synopsis:
GINA SEMPLE, thirty-something conventional beauty sans makeup, lives in a nondescript town on the coast, content in a job that could be performed by anyone. Her house inherited and paid for, her routine established and predictable, everything in Gina’s life is safe and her escape is personal, fulfilling and most importantly, invisible: she writes.

Gina’s written world is full of dreams, anecdotes and poems, observations and metaphors. Her thought life crowded, every spare moment finds her hunched at a keyboard, tapping away.

Gina works for MARK and MAGGIE KETCHUM, late 40’s, who own a freight company on the edge of Point North. Gina’s handles their data entry and accounting and doesn’t know that Maggie’s been following her writing and living vicariously though it ever since she discovered it hidden on Gina’s work computer months ago: Mark and Maggie had dreams of their own, but building and maintaining a business has all but drained the vitality in their lives.

When Gina’s computer suffers accidental breakdown Maggie coaxes Gina to the local watering hole hoping a few drinks will loosen her up in an effort to find out why Gina doesn’t share her gift with the world. Instead, Gina becomes ill and bolts. And calls in sick. And hides.

Maggie, on a quest to convince Gina she’s worth more than a just-above-minimum-wage job in a nowhere town, gets the idea to prove once and for all Gina’s writing is brilliant—she emails the station manager at the local news affiliate.

Within hours, Gina’s once neatly-packaged life is pried open for all eyes to see—and Maggie was right: Gina’s inner world becomes a playground for everyone who hears it, and the words written in silence call loudly from the rooftops of people’s sheltered imaginations–especially when drawing the attention of those living in faraway places. Her recluse days are over it seems, with a near-constant stream of fans of every idiosyncratic walk of life reaching out with thanks, gifts, offers, proposals—all with the desire to know more.

But Gina’s overnight celebrity has the opposite effect: her first instinct is to run far away, isolating herself from the interests of strangers—and the threat of addressing the root of her seclusion.

It will take the efforts of a few extraordinary people to reveal the truth: that some dreams are meant to open others’ eyes—and once opened, the passion she will find reflected back is her own.

Budget: $1M-$10M Brand contingent.

B) Immigrant Immortal – Supernatural Thriller

Logline: A renowned psychologist who treats a man that believes he’s a fallen angel soon has problems differentiating between reality and the man’s infectious delusions.

Budget: $5M-$30M, Brand/SFX contingent.

———–

The opening teleconference confirmed what I had hoped this class might entail, essentially developing a sound technique for approaching works-for-hire rather than works-for-passion, “producer-proofing” the ability to not only pitch myself as the best vessel to bring their ideas to life, but to actively draw out the vision at hand, and then apply my skills to pursuing that vision in a collaborative way that ensure the project’s ultimate success—and building on this to establish a steady and growing revenue stream.

I understand “Works for hire” to mean “I am the tool the author needs to facilitate the vision”, rather than “They are hiring me for my inherently brilliant ideas”—while those are important, it is more important to make sure THEIR brilliant ideas are developed and brought to the page and, ultimately, to the screen. I would like to develop long-term relationships and a reputation as being super easy to work with, highly flexible and amenable to quick changes, so as to ensure the fostering of many possibilities—and sustainability—in the future.

• This reply was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by  Jason Bortz.

[Jason]

Has anyone heard back on how/where to post the assignment? I’ve not heard back from Cheryl or Dimitri.

• This reply was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by  Jason Bortz.

[Jason]

I emailed Dimitri in tech support. Perhaps they just haven’t created the discussion for How to Get Paid Writing Assignments – Assignment 1?

[Jason]

Hi, I’m Jason Bortz. I go by Jason, and I’m a he/him.

I’ve written nine feature scripts, two documentaries, and a dozen or so short films.

I started writing and acting when I was nine, been doing it my whole life–but my writing was limited to close friends for the majority of it, as I did it for enjoyment rather than exposing it to rejection–‘I get enough of that with acting’ was my logic. I’ve grown since then.

I’m here to begin again after taking a ‘life hiatus.’ I find this may be a good priming of the creative pump, as it were, and a step toward re-immersing myself in the newly emerging market of remote authoring.

[Jason]

I, Jason Bortz, agree to the terms of this release form.

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Jason]

Lisa, is your LinkedIn the “Lisa Define in Canton, Ohio”?

[Jason]

Geez, Lisa, thank you for the very kind words! You did a great job–your ‘take’ had some moments that made me pause and question, and moments that made me go ‘Oooo, hey, I like that.’ Which isn’t surprising, your questions and thoughts during the 1st interview were illuminating and spurred some revisions–in fact, to go from a feature to a Limited Series.

Time for me to do yours!

[Jason]

It wasn’t hell at all. 😀

As I said, I did realize I was probably a little too articulate for being a “typical” (non-writer/producer/director) producer. I should have looked at you blankly more often. You did great, and it also helped to refine and solidify a few key components I needed. Thank you!

[Jason]

Me as well! Hopefully more people will participate…

[Jason]

I’m in California, halfway between Sacramento and Lake Tahoe.

[Jason]

Have you had anyone come on board for yours? I can do it, it will have to be by tomorrow morning (I’m Pacific time) as I’m pretty swamped today.

[Jason]

Dimitri (who authored this thread) got back to me and created this forum. As far as the other questions, he stated it’s best to ask him in the ‘Contact’ section…

[Jason]

Posted yours below your Sample as instructed. 🙂

[Jason]

SAMPLE ANALYIS:

CASINOLABS, by Katie Scrivner

Genre: Dark Comedy

The Set Up: Dr. Nichols’s objective is clear from the onset: he’s got information, and he’s going to hit his interrogators with an evidential whammy they’re not expecting: he wants to get to the truth at any cost. It’s also fairly clear Rushthorne and Granville have their own agenda and are out to nail Nichols on anything they can in effort to catch him in something—anything!—but they’re blindsided by the information Nichols unloads, resulting in their exposure and his fleeing for his life—or so it seems.

Quality of Writing: Reminiscent of Gilliam or Jeunet/Caro’s works, this style of comedic writing promotes “characters taking themselves seriously while the actors have a good deal of fun.” There’s emotional extremism, snappy and sometimes absurdist dialogue and over-the-top revelatory arcs between each new bit of information here, resulting in a satisfying heightened reality I bought into quickly. The insertion of weapons testing, nuked pigs and the Guns That Shoot Casino Noises deliver the necessary non-sequiturs to keep expectations thrown off balance, facilitating effective comedy.

Delivering on Genre: I believe this ticks the proper boxes when dealing with this sort of comedy, which borders on dark comedy/mindbender conventions as do contemporary films such as “Brazil,” “Delicatessen” or more recently “High Rise” or “Zero Theorem,” in which the everyman is the clear protagonist unraveling a conspiracy of auspicious and often absurd proportions against a backdrop of secrecy, corporate or military secrets and behind-the-scenes machinations to the detriment of humanity. We are quickly drawn to rooting for our hero, and the ineptitudes of his interrogators are no match for his savvy and wit—though the stakes are raised when we must flee for our life with him upon discovering larger numbers and a deeper conspiracy at hand. The establishment of the cush-but-stark interrogation room juxtaposed with the nuclear testing site and field of dead clothed pigs add an effective foreboding, that though this is tongue in cheek comedy it also invites destruction and death. By the end of the sample, the stakes are clear: this could mean bad things for Everyone if Nichols doesn’t get this information into the hands of Someone who can help—and due to the detailed but sparing backstory of Nichols’ bizarre discovery, the fact that the Imminent Doom is partially executed via Guns That Shoot Casino Noises actually makes sense. We buy the lie, and agree that Nichols must flee and live to expose this plot, whatever the cost. This is absurd, very serious, and funny.

What works/what needs improvement: I think it flows well, the rising action is clear and consistent—we don’t have to fully understand the correlation between the nuclear blast and the CASINO reprogramming in order to buy into it for the time being, as long as it makes a little more sense later: how nuclear destruction delivering traumatic catatonia to a soldier evolves into mind control, as they seem to be entirely different subjects and we don’t see anyone controlling Young Billy—yet—and it’s mentioned he recovers. For now, it’s compelling, you might want to make that connection a little clearer. I’m not sure about the Water-spout reference, nor the Shrinky-Dink insult. Though I know what Shrinky Dinks are, I’m not sure I see why the tech calls him that other than to simply be absurd for absurdities sake. Also, when Nichols asks for more muffins, I don’t think he’s had time to introduce his findings and eat a full muffin unless he gorges it while delivering the explanation—then asks if he can have another one—then what? Is the request ignored? That aside, I think this is a good sample of the genre, engaging, and leaves me wanting to know what happens to Nichols and the fate of humanity. Nicely done.

(The title doesn’t really grab me…it fits, but doesn’t stick in my mind. That may just be me.)

[Jason]

Ha! I think we can partner twice–there’s only a handful of people out of the larger group who’ve done the assignment so far. I was going to suggest the same.

[Jason]

I am! I read yours–though there doesn’t seem to be a Convention sheet for comedy (!!!) I’ll break yours down if you like, I think I can address the genre. 🙂

• This reply was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by  Jason Bortz.

[Jason]

Welp…I can’t move forward to assignment six without 5.5 completion…anyone need someone to review their work/exchange? I guess we can do it in here…

[Jason]

Asked as well. No response.

[Jason]

I can’t speak to the medium and format–totally opposite of the work I’ve done–but it’s easy to read and visualize, and I was disappointed where it cut off, as I wanted to know what happened, so that’s good! The setup of the premise of the show is clear and concise. My only question was how lifelike/serious the creatures are, if it’s campy or realistic–I sort of get a ‘Night at the Museum’ feel from it, so I imagined them somewhat real–but of course, they may not be there at all, and the three freaked out workers are making something out of something harmless. We’ll see!

[Jason]

Unfortunately, I’m unable to create discussions in the group. 😀

[Jason]

I agree with Lisa, those are instantly compelling.

[Jason]

These made me smile just thinking about them. I’m not much of a sitcom watcher due to the often cliched humor–but I loved shows like Arrested Development and The Office, where the characters take themselves very seriously while the actors are having a blast.

[Jason]

I gotta go teach; I have the assignment–hopefully I’m not smacked on the wrist with a ruler for being late when I get home tonight. Virtually.

[Jason]

Maybe they only post the link LITERALLY 48 hours from the time the assignment is given…

Like, you know, Willy Wonka-esque…