jay miracle
Forum Replies Created
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What I learned rewriting my scene was I greatly increased the stakes of what the men were facing in their mission and how overwhelming it could be. It added an exponential amount of tension.
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It’s amazing how deep and rich this scene is: within 8 minutes so much of both characters are revealed through their want/need, subtext – their flaws and wounds.
It is a phenomenal scene with a powerful emotional arc.
I am reassessing every confrontational scene in my script but in particular have rewritten their first encounter to have them banter and reveal so much more through subtext.
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“What I learned rewriting my scene was I needed to escalate the level of banter between my two leads – like a tennis game – the better the opponent, the higher level the game.
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The group on what appears to be a routine patrol.
The travel through the forest.
Spotting smoke in the distance
Sneaking up and discovering the horrendous massacre of innocents.
This is an effective use of stacking intrigue as the scene builds to the climax.
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A staggering scene – made even more compelling by the lack of any dialogue.
This hearkens back to the visual language of the silent era
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I’d forgotten how powerful this scene was: a great flip in the interrogation: Neo refusing to help the droids get info on Morpheus – then his mouth melding shut – the major twist that this is “all a dream” – waking up to reality – the phone RINGING.
What I learned rewriting my scene: I have two waking dream sequences: I need to enhance the direct reference to my theme of revenge more powerfully, and preview the inevitable conflict that my protagonist will face: internally and externally.
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The scene is filled with tension and danger – with a build between the growing danger of the shark and the growing tension of the men dealing with it. The fact that it has not reappeared lends further suspense.
I’ve rewritten my climactic, third act scene to enhance the audience expectations vs how nobly my protagonist will eventually react – despite his strong, passionate desire for revenge.
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This scene is powerful because: Great banter and progression in the dialogue: “you complete me” “don’t talk like them, you’re not”, “freaks like us”, the only sensible way to live in this world is to break the rules” – a great culmination with “having to choose” between his friend or his bride to be:
The entire premise for my script examines how thin the line can be between a vengeful protagonist and an antagonist who is a murderer and sociopath. Throughout their encounters, the General alternates between charming banter and complete manipulation of the kid. I am re-examining how I can further push the darker recesses of their psyches.
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With almost no dialogue and all action, Peter’s realization and rising action really delivers.
I’ve used this technique to strengthen my protagonist’s powers and realization he can take on the world: when he suddenly and uncharacteristically attacks the 2nd Lieutenant to his antagonist.
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Since everyone is so out of character – especially the droid “Logan” – Chris has every reason to be tremendously suspicious. His encounter with all the strange white people and the lack of a “Bro” handshake at the end perfectly encapsulates Chris’s suspicions.
I did a major revisit to my main character – though the crux of the story is the lies that he has to continually promote in order to accomplish his goals.
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What I learned rewriting my scene was to be audacious and original in how I can define my characters – through actions/dialogue.
This was a great scene that evolved from their initial banter to Sally’s embarassing Harry. The “I’ll have what..” line is a great comedic punctuation.
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he shorthand of in intense life-or-death situation, where the lead character can emerge from injury and confusion and take control. It’s a great intro with spare dialogue but tons of action. I’ve reviewed my opening and am minimizing some of the dialogue to strengthen my lead character and promote his vulnerability to the audience. It will help create further empathy with the audience.
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The element of surprise and the inevitable twist make the Seven resolution incredibly powerful and emotional. I could totally understand –‘s need for revenge after a the reveals of his loss of girlfriend and child. There is a relentless descent into tragedy in this scene – amplified by the surprise/reveal of the deaths.
I learned that I had a similar situation in my project – where my protagonist faced the ethical dilemma of whether or not to kill the person responsible for the death of his family. I realize now that I have placed the scene too early to be a powerful resolution.
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This is an extraordinary scene with a major swing dramatically from what we construe as Lt. Kafee’s weakness against a condescending and entitled Col. Jessep – but the Lt. cleverly outwits the Jessep and baits him to admit his responsibility for calling a “code red” – thus sealing his arrest/fate. It is a great culmination of the entire movie and encapsulates the drama that we’ve experienced for the past two hours.
– I’ve discovered that my 3rd act climax in my project was more defined at the midpoint and thus weakened the final resolution – though the resolution is a reversal of the audience’s expectations.
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The hypnotism scene works so brilliantly on so many levels – her clever manipulation and techniques – the figurative and literal descent of Chris into the hell of his “sunken place” – he is now trapped and lost in that deep space.
The intro scene to the whites and the token black on the surface quite simple, yet clearly there is a level of danger that Chris is about to experience when his lost brother loses it and tries to warn him. Chris is becoming further aware that everything is not right.
“Give me the keys” is such a scary moment – particularly when we realize that Rose is in on this as well. And Chris is immobilized by the audial triggers. He is back in his sunken place and there’s no escape. Every shot powerfully conveys his lost state.
This was particularly helpful for my midpoint in my script. I discovered an entirely new approach to visually represent how trapped and imprisoned my lead would be. He’s alone, surrounded by a series of barbed wire walls and several soldiers. It drastically helped enhance the midpoint.
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What I learned: I learned that the inciting incident doesn’t have to be some massive action scene: it’s just as powerful to have the depths of one’s convictions deeply challenged.
It is useful for me because my protagonist is currently fueled by intense guilt and anger – but I could layer with an even deeper core of his beliefs in family and civility.Challenging Situation: a majority jury scenario of 11 men against one man
Interesting Action: the honor of one man being willing to stand by his opinion vs 11 others totally convinced he’s guiltyIntriguing Dialogue: There’s great subtext here despite a number of lines OTN – clearly through their attitude – love the “time to get to the ball game” line. – “We heard the facts – you can’t believe anything that they say” – “tell us why, let us know what you’re thinking and we might be able to show you where you’re mixed up.”
Something inside this character needs to go on the journey: He has to confront everyone and stand by his principles – despite the fact that they are all convinced of the kid’s guilt.
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What I learned was I have too slow an opening in my current project – though there are elements of mystery and a complex character intro. I have a contained, historical mystery with an epic resolution – but everything will depend on the arc of the lead character.
THE DARK KNIGHT:
Challenging Situation: a brazen daylight robbery
Intrigue- incredible setup and action – a well planned and executed job- worthy of the Joker and his minions
InterestingAction: a great robbery, filled with twists and turns – the robbers setup and killing each other off – the execution
Intriguing Dialogue – great robber dialogue to reference and make a major intro/intrigue on the Joker! – Reveals about mob bank – end even comedic lines in the middle of all the action “didn’t know you could count that high!”
Tone: high, intense action – with clean, efficient dialogue and humor!
Lures us into the Story: from the very opening action we are immediately pulled into this tension-packed story
Twist at Conclusion of the scene: That the Joker is behind all of this and the mastermind – Plus the cigar trick at the end is a clever humorous accent to the entire scene.
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Hi –
I’m Jay Miracle –
I’ve written 4 scripts and am in the midst of a rewrite of the fourth.
I hope to get further insights into making every scene as great as possible – and am hoping to get renewed energy in my daily writing habit.
I worked for four years as a balloon pilot and crew manager, and traveled the world on several balloon trips.
<font face=”inherit”>I just got out of the hospital – after 2+ weeks: I came down with Covid and had some </font>complications (after avoiding it for 3 years!) I was at a documentary filmmaker Meetup event in L.A. – where nine people got Covid the same night. It’s still definitely out there! Best-
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