[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S CREDIBILITY IS GOING UP!

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS:
Even when you think you don’t have credibility, you will be surprised where you can find some. Even something as seemingly small as a Quarter-Finalist placement in a contest is credibility, especially if it is with a larger, well-known contest. Don’t minimize these achievements.

ASSIGNMENT 1

CREDIBILITY CHECKLIST
– CONTEST WINS
– WRITING ASSIGNMENTS
– GOOGLE SEARCH (6 references to screenwriter)
– LINKEDIN NETWORK (connected to 500+ producers)
– EDUCATION (numerous certificates with ScreenwritingU)
– BORROWED CREDIBILITY (currently working with 2 producers on development ideas)
– BORROWED CREDIBILITY (currently in talks with connecting an interested actor to SUPER ZEROS)
– IMDB PRESENCE (only credits are awards that I have entered myself)

IDEAS TO IMPROVE CREDIBILITY
– Expand my network
– Continue writing new content
– Continue entering contests
– Have a regular presence on social media
– Continue talks with managers and producers I have already established a relationship with

STEPS I WILL TAKE IN THE NEXT 30 DAYS
I can do all of these steps within the next 30 days.

MAKE YOUR LINKEDIN PROFILE THE BEST IT CAN BE
I updated my profile last month, and I try to interact with people several
times a week.
I do need to send out more invites though and follow up with some people
though.

ASSIGNMENT 2

JAYE’S LINKEDIN PROFILE IS AMAZING!

https://www.linkedin.com/in/jaye-blohm/

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS:
Maintaining the page feels almost like a full-time job sometimes, especially since it has grown so much. I try to be interactive several times a week, but I have definitely fallen behind in making connections and reaching out to new people.

I make sure my profile is up to date regularly.

I post all my wins and I thank everyone for connecting with me.

My commitment is to make more connections, strengthen networks and get more script requests!

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S PROJECTS AND INSIGHTS

The finished script I am bringing to the class:
An Action/Comedy called SUPER ZEROS where the Hero and Villain’s powers are switched when they’re struck by lightning. They form an unlikely bond while trying to restore balance. Meanwhile, the city’s jealous Mayor works to destroy them both.
Budget: High. 50 – 100 million

An idea I would like to create:
A low budget contained Thriller called DRONE (working title). A couple, who has been missing for over a year, is found on drone footage leaving the scene with a mysterious man. Some kids take the drone to the police, only to discover that the man in blue, behind the desk, is the same mystery man on the footage.
Budget: Low. 1 – 5 million

What I learned from the teleconference:
The teleconference was very informative. In particular, what was new information to me, was that after we make connections with producers we need to continuously follow up. Talk about our wins, new assignments… let them know we’re being active and successful. This will keep us in their minds for when they want a writing assignment done.

[jaye Blohm]

As a member of this group, I, Jaye Blohm, agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[jaye Blohm]

Hi Everyone,

I’m excited to bear here. I’ve completed 8 screenplays. I have taken several classes with ScreenwritingU and made a lot of connections with Producers via LinkedIn. The latest class I took was the Fearless class, which opened *a lot* of doors.

I’m hoping to hone my skills and learn something new to help me continue moving forward. So far, I have gotten one writing assignment to work with a team of writers on a TV series for a Canadian producer. It’s at the very early stages and we’re still waiting on an agreement. (so… nothing in stone yet…)

Anyway, I look forward to brining my highest budget script to the group and learning where I may be able to trim some budgetary fat. I’m looking forward to bringing my latest concept to light as well.

See you soon 🙂

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S OUTLINE VERSION 1

Title: THE CREEK

Logline: A group of teens pick the wrong place for their prom afterparty: an abandoned house by the creek where urban legend tells of children who were murdered in cold blood.

EXT. A RURAL HOUSE – DAY
Circa 1950s. Walker and Son Tree Removal answers the call to chop a willow in the backyard by a creek. A freak “accident” kills DERRICK (father) and maims JOHNNY (son). A NUN (50s) watches from an upstairs window. A housemaid, NORA, screams and runs inside.

INT. HIGH SCOOL AUDITORIUM – NIGHT – PRESENT DAY
Senior Ball. We meet the victims: DAVID, OLIVIA, ROBERT, SARAH, MARCUS, WHITNEY, KAREN.
Karen has just been dumped and everyone wants to leave.

David persuades everyone to go to the creepy house of urban legend and continue the party there.

INT. DAVID’S CAR (MOVING) – NIGHT
David calls JOSH to invite him to party. Josh will bring alcohol.

INT & EXT. CONVENIENCE STORE PARKING LOT – NIGHT
JOHNNY, now 85, crazy, and homeless, hears the kids talk about their plans. He warns them not to go. They laugh him off.

EXT. HOUSE / BACKYARD – NIGHT
Josh arrives with alcohol and spray paint.

David tells the haunting urban legend about the house and the creek. This is where unwanted newborn babies were drowned.

Josh wants to spray some artwork on the house… and remarkably the backdoor is unlocked, so he takes it inside….

INT. HOUSE – SAME
Josh finds a creepy altar room! Three pews, a prayer bench, candles on an altar and a crucifix. Shovels and a pitchfork against a far wall. Josh leaves quickly, and goes deeper into the house and we hear him start to spray. We hear scratching, and he stops. Calls out, but no one answers.

BACKYARD
The kids discuss plans after graduation. Marcus is leaving the state and girlfriend Whitney is finding out right now.

It’s getting cold and the guys want to go in the house. The girls don’t, especially Olivia, but a howling wolf in the forest beyond the creek sends most of them in. Olivia stays behind.

INT. HOUSE
The kids look lightly around for Josh while also nosing around the house. Josh is nowhere around. Whitney pulls Marcus to the kitchen for a conversation.

EXT. BACKYARD
Olivia has a call from her mom, which is weird, because her phone has no service. She calls back, and what starts out sounding like her mom, turns out being a haunting voice from the past saying that she knows her baby was alive, she heard it crying!

Olivia decides to be with her friends, but now it’s too late. Something takes hold of her and pulls her into the creek!

EXT. STREET – SAME TIME
Johnny walks to his tent under the bridge. The wind kicks up. It’s harsh and deadly, and carries a whisper that calls his name.

INT. HOUSE / KITCHEN – SAME TIME
Whitney tells Marcus she’s pregnant. He says he has his life ahead of him and will not be there for her. She needs to be smart and get rid of the kid. Makes a sick joke about drowning it in the creek.

LIVING ROOM
David, Karen, Robert and Sarah have taken their party to the living room where Robert and Sarah can’t stop making out. David and Karen make awkward conversation and finally tell them to get a room. They oblige…

UPSTAIRS
The house is creepy as hell, but Robert leads Sarah to…

BEDROOM
Robert and Sarah start to mess around, but she is less eager than he.

LIVING ROOM
Conversation and hormones bring David and Karen a little closer, and as they start to kiss, the back door flies open, and a creek-soaked Olivia is standing there with a vacant expression.

David rushes up to her and she promptly vomits creek water all over him. He thinks she’s drunk. She stumbles into the altar room, and David agrees that she should probably lie down.
(Although at this point, only Josh and Olivia have entered/seen this room).

BEDROOM
As Sarah and Robert are getting into heavy making out and petting, the door creaks open…

DOWNSTAIRS BATHROOM
David attempts to clean himself up. The faucet spurts, but no water comes out. And of course, we have a medicine cabinet with a mirror.

EXT. STREET / INT. JOHNNY’S TENT – SAME TIME
Johnny sleeps… dreams

JOHNNY’S DREAM
A cryptic dream, his dad’s death. The nun. Warnings of an unborn child that the house wants for its own…

INT. JOHNNY’S TENT
Johnny bolts awake, hyperventilating. He knows the kids need his help.

INT. HOUSE / BEDROOM – SAME TIME
… and Karen walks in. She puts herself in the middle of their action and Robert doesn’t mind, until he’s pushed out.

Next best thing: sit in the chair, smoke a joint and masturbate.

A dark, thick shadow extends across the wall in front of him mid toke. He opens his mouth to speak, but–

INSIDE ROBERT’S MOUTH
The cloud of smoke takes shape of a bony hand with elongated fingers, as it makes its way down his esophagus to start choking him.

BATHROOM
Finally, something appears to be coming out of the faucet. It’s thick, dark. David leans in, and we see the horrific face of the nun behind him in the mirror.

What looks like a plump slug coming out of the faucet finally drops into the basin and bursts all over David’s face. A blood clot! He comes back to the mirror and the nun is gone!

BEDROOM
Karen and Sarah try to ignore Robert’s choking sounds and writhing, which they assume are just over-the-top masturbation sounds. Finally when he falls over in the chair, it’s too much. They insult him and leave him there, alone, to die.

LIVING ROOM
Karen and Sarah meet David at the bottom of the stairs, in his boxers from having removed vomit-soaked clothes. Whitney comes out of the kitchen, crying. Marcus wanders out, frustrated.

Karen and Sarah seek privacy to continue their escapade. David goes upstairs to get Robert, it’s probably time to leave now… but the girls warn him he’s jerking off.

A SMALL CORRIDOR
Karen hears her name as she and Sarah pass a slightly opened doorway. It’s Josh. She and Sarah go to investigate.

BASEMENT
Karen and Sarah walk side by side into the dankest basement.

A cobweb to the face startles Sarah and she grabs Karen with such force, she almost drops her phone, which she’s using for a flashlight. The light, shooting in all directions for a minutes, reveals a very dead and very gutted Josh under the stairs.

Sarah now faces Karen, and Karen is looking over her shoulder. Her expression tells us that something hideous is coming up the stairs behind her.

Sarah sees, and they both run for the top. But Karen kicks Sarah backward, into the monster. And as we hear her dying, Josh reaches through an opening between the stairs and pulls Karen’s leg down. But her other leg stays, breaking her femur.

The phone drops at Josh’s feet, and the flashlight shines upward, revealing the full extent of his murder.

Karen stares into Josh’s contorted and hollowed out face as the monster now comes for her.

UPSTAIRS BATHROOM
heads toward the back bedroom door, which is closed, but a harsh, eerie scratching calls his attention to the upstairs bathroom. It’s only the wind.

Outside, the willow tree is trashing around, but the forest in the back is calm, and the creek is looks quiet.

Just as he turns, a shadow passes by the doorway. He looks. No one is there.

EXT. BEDROOM
David listens at the door. There’s a low moan. David thinks better of it, then goes back to the stairs. But then the door opens… David goes back and–

INT. BEDROOM
David discovers Robert is dead. No cell service to call for help! And he sees a shape of a person behind sheer curtains! A non-existent wind blows the curtains aside, and the nun is there!

David runs for the door and it starts to shut, but he dives! He blocks it with his wrist and struggles to open it.

He finally gets it open and struggles to run.

STAIRS / HALLWAY
He falls down the stairs. It’s hard to breathe, stand, or walk!

LIVING ROOM
Marcus and Whitney meet him and he tells them they have to leave!

Olivia is standing the altar room doorway and David grabs her as they head for the backdoor.

But the door is locked!

And then suddenly, a dark silhouette slams up against the translucent window of the door, banging on the door and rattling the knob.

They duck into the altar room!

EXT. HOUSE.
Johnny stands outside the back door with a lead pipe, trying desperately to get in!

INT. ALTAR ROOM
Whitney is begging David, the one who knows all about the urban legend to tell them how to get out of this!

Olivia is chanting. The nun appears wrapped around David’s neck and shoulders! She’s been there since he left the bedroom!

EXT. HOUSE
Johnny goes looks for other entrances. Nothing gives! He’s dodging the tree, and then suddenly, the back door opens on its own. Johnny goes for it!

INT. ALTAR ROOM
David stumbles backward, tries to keep his balance, knocks things over. He grabs at his throat, gasping, hungry for air. Marcus wields a pitchfork aiming at the nun’s (and David’s head).

Johnny bursts in! Tells them the house wants Whitney! They have to hurry! The door’s open, and they can escape!

David crumbles to the ground, out of air, nun on his back. Dead.

And then Marcus, in hysteria, stabs Johnny in the chest!

HALLWAY
Marcus stabs Johnny repeatedly as he’s on the ground, and then suddenly notices the open back door, just twenty feet in front of him. He goes for it, and he makes it!

The air is calm, and he falls to the ground in relief.

EXT. BACKYARD
Marcus lays in the grass, crying.

Behind him, Olivia is dragged out of the altar room into the hallway. Olivia follows. The door slams shut.

Back to Marcus. He starts laughing. Can’t believe he made it! Starts to get up, and then…

A willow tree branch grabs his leg and drags him to the creek with amazing force. His screams are quickly muffled by sounds of him being bashed into rocks.

INT. HOUSE / BEDROOM
Whitney lays in the bed as the nun stands in the window. Olivia is tending to her. The bedroom door slams shut!

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S HORROR OUTLINE VERSION 1

THE CREEK

EXT. A RURAL HOUSE – DAY
Circa 1950s. Walker and Son Tree Removal answers the call to chop a willow in the backyard by a creek. A freak “accident” kills DERRICK (father) and maims JOHNNY (son). A NUN (50s) watches from an upstairs window. A housemaid, NORA, screams and runs inside.

INT. HIGH SCOOL AUDITORIUM – NIGHT – PRESENT DAY
Senior Ball. We meet the victims: DAVID, OLIVIA, ROBERT, SARAH, MARCUS, WHITNEY, KAREN.
Karen has just been dumped and everyone wants to leave.

David persuades everyone to go to the creepy house of urban legend and continue the party there.

INT. DAVID’S CAR (MOVING) – NIGHT
David calls JOSH to invite him to party. Josh will bring alcohol.

INT & EXT. CONVENIENCE STORE PARKING LOT – NIGHT
JOHNNY, now 85, crazy, and homeless, hears the kids talk about their plans. He warns them not to go. They laugh him off.

EXT. HOUSE / BACKYARD – NIGHT
Josh arrives with alcohol and spray paint.

David tells the haunting urban legend about the house and the creek. This is where unwanted newborn babies were drowned.

Josh wants to spray some artwork on the house… and remarkably the backdoor is unlocked, so he takes it inside….

INT. HOUSE – SAME
Josh finds a creepy altar room! Three pews, a prayer bench, candles on an altar and a crucifix. Shovels and a pitchfork against a far wall. Josh leaves quickly, and goes deeper into the house and we hear him start to spray. We hear scratching, and he stops. Calls out, but no one answers.

BACKYARD
The kids discuss plans after graduation. Marcus is leaving the state and girlfriend Whitney is finding out right now.

It’s getting cold and the guys want to go in the house. The girls don’t, especially Olivia, but a howling wolf in the forest beyond the creek sends most of them in. Olivia stays behind.

INT. HOUSE
The kids look lightly around for Josh while also nosing around the house. Josh is nowhere around. Whitney pulls Marcus to the kitchen for a conversation.

EXT. BACKYARD
Olivia has a call from her mom, which is weird, because her phone has no service. She calls back, and what starts out sounding like her mom, turns out being a haunting voice from the past saying that she knows her baby was alive, she heard it crying!

Olivia decides to be with her friends, but now it’s too late. Something takes hold of her and pulls her into the creek!

EXT. STREET – SAME TIME
Johnny walks to his tent under the bridge. The wind kicks up. It’s harsh and deadly, and carries a whisper that calls his name.

INT. HOUSE / KITCHEN – SAME TIME
Whitney tells Marcus she’s pregnant. He says he has his life ahead of him and will not be there for her. She needs to be smart and get rid of the kid. Makes a sick joke about drowning it in the creek.

LIVING ROOM
David, Karen, Robert and Sarah have taken their party to the living room where Robert and Sarah can’t stop making out. David and Karen make awkward conversation and finally tell them to get a room. They oblige…

UPSTAIRS
The house is creepy as hell, but Robert leads Sarah to…

BEDROOM
Robert and Sarah start to mess around, but she is less eager than he.

LIVING ROOM
Conversation and hormones bring David and Karen a little closer, and as they start to kiss, the back door flies open, and a creek-soaked Olivia is standing there with a vacant expression.

David rushes up to her and she promptly vomits creek water all over him. He thinks she’s drunk. She stumbles into the altar room, and David agrees that she should probably lie down.
(Although at this point, only Josh and Olivia have entered/seen this room).

BEDROOM
As Sarah and Robert are getting into heavy making out and petting, the door creaks open…

DOWNSTAIRS BATHROOM
David attempts to clean himself up. The faucet spurts, but no water comes out. And of course, we have a medicine cabinet with a mirror.

EXT. STREET / INT. JOHNNY’S TENT – SAME TIME
Johnny sleeps… dreams

JOHNNY’S DREAM
A cryptic dream, his dad’s death. The nun. Warnings of an unborn child that the house wants for its own…

INT. JOHNNY’S TENT
Johnny bolts awake, hyperventilating. He knows the kids need his help.

INT. HOUSE / BEDROOM – SAME TIME
… and Karen walks in. She puts herself in the middle of their action and Robert doesn’t mind, until he’s pushed out.

Next best thing: sit in the chair, smoke a joint and masturbate.

A dark, thick shadow extends across the wall in front of him mid toke. He opens his mouth to speak, but–

INSIDE ROBERT’S MOUTH
The cloud of smoke takes shape of a bony hand with elongated fingers, as it makes its way down his esophagus to start choking him.

BATHROOM
Finally, something appears to be coming out of the faucet. It’s thick, dark. David leans in, and we see the horrific face of the nun behind him in the mirror.

What looks like a plump slug coming out of the faucet finally drops into the basin and bursts all over David’s face. A blood clot! He comes back to the mirror and the nun is gone!

BEDROOM
Karen and Sarah try to ignore Robert’s choking sounds and writhing, which they assume are just over-the-top masturbation sounds. Finally when he falls over in the chair, it’s too much. They insult him and leave him there, alone, to die.

LIVING ROOM
Karen and Sarah meet David at the bottom of the stairs, in his boxers from having removed vomit-soaked clothes. Whitney comes out of the kitchen, crying. Marcus wanders out, frustrated.

Karen and Sarah seek privacy to continue their escapade. David goes upstairs to get Robert, it’s probably time to leave now… but the girls warn him he’s jerking off.

A SMALL CORRIDOR
Karen hears her name as she and Sarah pass a slightly opened doorway. It’s Josh. She and Sarah go to investigate.

BASEMENT
Karen and Sarah walk side by side into the dankest basement.

A cobweb to the face startles Sarah and she grabs Karen with such force, she almost drops her phone, which she’s using for a flashlight. The light, shooting in all directions for a minutes, reveals a very dead and very gutted Josh under the stairs.

Sarah now faces Karen, and Karen is looking over her shoulder. Her expression tells us that something hideous is coming up the stairs behind her.

Sarah sees, and they both run for the top. But Karen kicks Sarah backward, into the monster. And as we hear her dying, Josh reaches through an opening between the stairs and pulls Karen’s leg down. But her other leg stays, breaking her femur.

The phone drops at Josh’s feet, and the flashlight shines upward, revealing the full extent of his murder.

Karen stares into Josh’s contorted and hollowed out face as the monster now comes for her.

UPSTAIRS BATHROOM
heads toward the back bedroom door, which is closed, but a harsh, eerie scratching calls his attention to the upstairs bathroom. It’s only the wind.

Outside, the willow tree is trashing around, but the forest in the back is calm, and the creek is looks quiet.

Just as he turns, a shadow passes by the doorway. He looks. No one is there.

EXT. BEDROOM
David listens at the door. There’s a low moan. David thinks better of it, then goes back to the stairs. But then the door opens… David goes back and–

INT. BEDROOM
David discovers Robert is dead. No cell service to call for help! And he sees a shape of a person behind sheer curtains! A non-existent wind blows the curtains aside, and the nun is there!

David runs for the door and it starts to shut, but he dives! He blocks it with his wrist and struggles to open it.

He finally gets it open and struggles to run.

STAIRS / HALLWAY
He falls down the stairs. It’s hard to breathe, stand, or walk!

LIVING ROOM
Marcus and Whitney meet him and he tells them they have to leave!

Olivia is standing the altar room doorway and David grabs her as they head for the backdoor.

But the door is locked!

And then suddenly, a dark silhouette slams up against the translucent window of the door, banging on the door and rattling the knob.

They duck into the altar room!

EXT. HOUSE.
Johnny stands outside the back door with a lead pipe, trying desperately to get in!

INT. ALTAR ROOM
Whitney is begging David, the one who knows all about the urban legend to tell them how to get out of this!

Olivia is chanting. The nun appears wrapped around David’s neck and shoulders! She’s been there since he left the bedroom!

EXT. HOUSE
Johnny goes looks for other entrances. Nothing gives! He’s dodging the tree, and then suddenly, the back door opens on its own. Johnny goes for it!

INT. ALTAR ROOM
David stumbles backward, tries to keep his balance, knocks things over. He grabs at his throat, gasping, hungry for air. Marcus wields a pitchfork aiming at the nun’s (and David’s head).

Johnny bursts in! Tells them the house wants Whitney! They have to hurry! The door’s open, and they can escape!

David crumbles to the ground, out of air, nun on his back. Dead.

And then Marcus, in hysteria, stabs Johnny in the chest!

HALLWAY
Marcus stabs Johnny repeatedly as he’s on the ground, and then suddenly notices the open back door, just twenty feet in front of him. He goes for it, and he makes it!

The air is calm, and he falls to the ground in relief.

EXT. BACKYARD
Marcus lays in the grass, crying.

Behind him, Olivia is dragged out of the altar room into the hallway. Olivia follows. The door slams shut.

Back to Marcus. He starts laughing. Can’t believe he made it! Starts to get up, and then…

A willow tree branch grabs his leg and drags him to the creek with amazing force. His screams are quickly muffled by sounds of him being bashed into rocks.

INT. HOUSE / BEDROOM
Whitney lays in the bed as the nun stands in the window. Olivia is tending to her. The bedroom door slams shut!

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S SCARY-AS-HELL SCENE

What I learned is that it takes a lot of care to make a scene truly scary. I am not sure how well I did this, following the steps as best I could, and also knowing this is a first draft!

This scene takes place at the end of Act 1, where Olivia has opted to wait outside while her friends go into the creepy house to look for Josh.:

EXT. BACKYARD – NIGHT

Olivia stares at her phone; a seltzer in her other one hand.

3 MISSED CALLS from MOM. The upper left READS: NO SERVICE,

this is subtle and only brief as she presses the call button

with her pinky and swiftly raises the phone to her ear.

She looks out across the creek.

She listens as it RINGS in her ear.

Behind her, the door to the house closes.

Another RING.

We hear the phone pick up on the other end, and the sound of

her Mom’s MUFFLED VOICE.

MOM (V.O.)
Hey sweetie.

OLIVIA
Hey mom.

MOM (V.O.)
It’s getting late.

OLIVIA
Mom, it’s still early.

MOM (V.O.)
Father is very disappointed.

Olivia furrows her brow.

OLIVIA
What did he say?

MOM
He said I’m a whore…

Mom’s voice is changing. She sounds agonized.

MOM (V.O.)
I heard it crying.

Olivia frowns.

OLIVIA
What?

MOM (V.O.)
It’s not dead. I heard it crying.

Color drains from Olivia’s face and she pulls the phone away

from her ear. She sees it. NO SERVICE on the home screen.

Three more RAVENS fly into the tree above her and she looks

up in terror.

Her phone RINGS.

She stares at it: MOM. No service. Her breathing becomes

shallow and her hand shakes.

She stands. She looks at the house…

OLIVIA
(trembling)
David…?

She takes a few steps forward and her eyes grow wide — she

reaches for her neck — something grabs her and pulls her

back with force.

Birds rustle and CAW in the trees as we hear struggling and

gagging; water splashing.

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S SCARES, RELEASES AND CREEPY MOMENTS

What I learned is that if we bombard with horror, the audience becomes desensitized to it. Providing releases from scares allows the audience to relax and be surprised with the next larger event.

INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT

Sarah sits on Robert’s lap, her legs wrapped around his

waist. His tux jacket and cummerbund are on the floor at the

foot of the bed.

He sits upright and unzips the back of her gown; he fumbles

with her bra hooks.

She kisses him with eyes open as she scans the room. The

dresser. The curtains. The chair.

SARAH
Robert, I’m uncomfortable.

ROBERT
Well let’s get you out of this

dress.

He nuzzles her neck and she pulls away.

SARAH
No… this place. It’s wrong.

The door behind her creeks open and Sarah freezes.

Robert looks over her shoulder and waits. The door slowly

creaks further open.

[CUT TO OTHER SCENES]

BEDROOM

Robert watches as Karen makes her way in. Robert huffs.

ROBERT
No vacancy.

Karen shuts the door behind her. She walks silently up to the

bed and runs her fingers up Sarah’s unzipped back.

Sarah looks Robert in the eyes. Don’t say a word.

Karen starts to kiss the nape of Sarah’s neck and Sarah leans

her head back.

Sarah turns her head to her right and meets Karen’s lips.

Robert smiles like he won the lottery.

He reaches for Karen and grabs her hair. He pulls her in.

He starts kissing her with lust.

Karen pull back. Jealous

Karen pushes Robert away. What the fuck?

Karen puts all her attention back to Sarah.

Sarah gets off Robert’s lap and stands, facing Karen.

Karen reaches around Sarah and unhooks her bra with ease. The

kiss is uninterrupted and Robert moves in for more action.

The girls ignore him as he kisses their shoulders and runs

his fingers through their hair. It’s as if they’ve forgotten

he’s in the room.

He huffs and rolls off the bed. The girls take a seat on the

edge of the bed, petting and kissing with passion.

He retrieves his jacket from the floor and pulls a joint from

the pocket. Lights up.

Robert goes to the chair. Plan B. He unzips his pants and

takes a seat; the joint dangling from his mouth.

He watches the girls. Their hands. Their mouths. Their plump,

glossy lips. His pleasure is clear.

With his left hand he takes a deep drag. With his right hand,

he starts cranking it.

He relaxes, as best he can in a four-legged wooden chair.

He takes a deep toke, but pauses his rub, as a dark shadow

extends across the wall.

INSIDE ROBERT’S MOUTH

His lips close around the joint. His lungs pull smoke from

the blunt… a thin gray fog. As smoke fills his mouth, it

takes shape of a bony hand with elongated fingers, as it

makes its way down his esophagus.

Robert’s eyes grow wide and he releases the joint. He

clutches her throat. Mouth agape, he can get no breath.

He grabs at his throat. Smoke lingers in his open mouth.

[CUT TO OTHER SCENES]

BEDROOM

Karen and Sarah glance look over as Robert grunts. They like

that they are exciting him.

But his chair falls to the side. The shadow has extended to

the door, but the girls are looking opposite, at Robert.

Robert is lying down, one hand on his penis, the other at his

throat; making unnatural sounds and kicking his feet into the

carpet.

The girls look at each other. Embarrassed for Robert. This

has suddenly turned exponentially awkward.

KAREN
You’re boyfriend’s disgusting.

She goes to the door and Sarah follows.

They leave and shut the door behind them.

Robert’s kicks and moans subside.

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S BASIC STRUCTURE VERSION 1

What I learned is that having written the original story as a two-parter, and then deciding to make it one whole story (taking it from 176 pages down to 127) I fumbled my way through it. Coming at it from the perspective of the 9-part structure helps to put it into bite-sized pieces and helps me to start seeing what’s really important in the script.

I learned that much of my energy was put into rebuilding the team (as this was a critique I got from The BlackList) as opposed to moving forward and killing the Antagonist. I learned that as much as I wanted to have a complex script, it ended up being too convoluted.

I brainstormed in real time, so it’s wordy…

Logline.
Set in a 16th-century fantasy world, a mercenary group, comprised of weapons masters and mages, seeks revenge on a Dark Bishop that took the life of their Commander. A newcomer joins the team… can he be trusted?

Main Conflict:
Defeating a Dark Bishop who is seemingly undefeatable

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>1. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Opening:

The Dark Bishop kills his wife on a fit of rage after discovering she is pregnant with another man’s child (the local mercenary Commander)

2. Inciting Incident:
The Dark Bishop ambushes the community and slaughters the Commander and half his team

3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
Bern (the Commander’s son), must rebuild his team and find a way to defeat the Dark Bishop

4. First turning point at end of Act 1:
Aidan (a new and deceitful man) has joined the troop – we heavily question his loyalty

5. Mid-Point:
– Xandra (the Dark Bishop’s daughter) is trying to infiltrate the troop by convincing Rayen to leave Bern. She’ll give them the stone they’re looking for in exchange for his loyalty
– We learn that Bern is sexist and he refuses to let his light mage practice combat moves, he only wants her healing
– We also learn that Bern has a love interest that he refuses to pursue until the Bishop is defeated.

6. Second turning point at end of Act 2:
Xandra gets in, and gives Bern the stone. They make the enchanted sword and go off to defeat the Dark Bishop

7. Crisis:
Bern defeats the Dark Bishop, but Xandra now comes to collect. She takes Rayen with her. Xandra has lied to his team, they have lost another member in battle and his best friend has betrayed him. Their battle and cause continue.

8. Climax:
Bern and his team defeat Xandra and Rayen, but he was tricked and the betrayed wasn’t what it seemed. Rayen is spared.

9. Resolution:
– Rayen is earning the trust of the team
– Bern lets his light mage start practicing combat
– Bern pursues his love interest

Look back over the 9 elements and select at least one to elevate.

Right now this is a pretty big beast to tackle, so I am selecting the opening. It has been suggested to me that the death of the Commander should be more meaningful. The scene opens with Aizahn (the Commander), Bern (his son), and Rayen (Bern’s best friend and right-hand man) holding auditions for mages to join their team.
Throughout the first act, there is a battle of wills between Bern and Rayen, as Rayen is oozing with confidence, and Bern struggles with imposter syndrome.
Originally, I have the guys break off after the auditions to go fishing, and this is when the ambush occurs.
But I am thinking that I could make Bern and Rayen a younger (I currently have them in their 30s) and have Aizahn give some fatherly advice before he gets killed.
One of my openings occurred when Rayen was a boy. I’m thinking of bringing this part back, and killing off Aizahn at the end of the first act, as opposed to the first 10 pages…
I could hint to the affair with the Bishop’s wife…and the thirst for revenge could start in act 2…

Separating that one (or more) item(s) out, list the main purpose of that item in the story and brainstorm a list of other possible ways to deliver that structural item.
This has already gotten me thinking of the changes (see above). I could bring on the addition of Aidan, as I think this is a good component, and I am seeing the need to get rid of two of my other characters, that just fill holes and help pad the team. But I have been told I have too much of an ensemble cast, and scrapping these two would help with that.
So anyway, the purpose of Aizahn’s death is so Bern can get revenge. It was originally the inciting incident, but I don’t know that I can have it realistically down by page 10. I would have to rethink the inciting incident. I originally had a concept that the Bishop and Aizahn would have been friends, and it was more subtext, but maybe in this story, I can establish the friendship and a falling out while Bern is young. A betrayal that ruins the friendship, and then later, the affair with the Bishop’s wife that adds salt to the wound.
So, I think I have it… in Part 2, when this was a two-parter, my opening scene is Aizahn coming to the village to adopt Rayen (his godson) after the death of his parents. Bern is jealous as Aizahn teaches him to be part of the team, and they grow up together and become inseparable brothers and friends…. New opening: Dark Bishop and Aizahn are friends. Dark Bishop kills Rayen’s parents… doesn’t know he’s Aizahn’s godson – the Dark Bishop is far more powerful than a master swordsman, and so this ends the friendship (nutshelling it here). Then later Aizahn has the affair — but he knows the woman is the Bishop’s wife. And Bern and Rayen have no idea that the Bishop and Aizahn were ever friends.

10. Make a second list of the Main Conflict and Structural items with the improvements you’ve made. Again, it will contain the following:

Main Conflict:
Defeating a Dark Bishop who is seemingly undefeatable

1. Opening:

Aizahn and the Bishop – on a mission. Establishes their friendship. Later there’s a death, and Aizahn goes to raise his godson. Trains him to fight, Bern gets jealous. We find out the Bishop killed Rayen’s parents, that friendship is over. Bern and Rayen grow up to be BFFs

2. Inciting Incident:

Bishop kills Rayen’s parents, severs Aizahn’s and Bishop’s friendship

3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about:

Aizahn is trying to build a team that will be strong enough to defeat the Bishop.

4. First turning point at end of Act 1:

Bishop kills Aizahn.

5. Mid-Point:

Aidan has come on board, Bern finds a love interest but he doesn’t want to pursue it til the Bishop is dead. Xandra infiltrates the team and puts a spell on Rayen to make him leave the team with her.

6. Second turning point at end of Act 2:

Bishop is defeated

7. Crisis:

Rayen betrays Bern. A team member has died.

8. Climax:

Xandra has died; spell is broken, Rayen is spared

9. Resolution:

– Bern lets his light mage start practicing combat
– Bern pursues his love interest

This is just something I jotted down.

I may cut/adjust more, depending on what I’m looking at….

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S CHRONOLOGICAL EDIT

What I learned is that not only is it possible to write a high-speed screenplay in less than two weeks, it’s possible to elevate it and REWRITE over another two weeks. I have a screenplay that I’m extremely proud of, that one month ago wasn’t even a thought in my head. And where I was stuck, I pushed myself though, and the magic happened. #grateful

Going through a chronological edit, I improved all areas that the lesson touched on.

– I improved flow where it seemed to lag, deleting unnecessary parts

– I asked a writer friend of mine to read it and point out anything that didn’t make sense, and then I addressed clarity

– I refined descriptions

– I sharpened some dialogue

I didn’t see a lot of areas that needed a major overhaul, but I definitely tweaked all aspects.

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S LEVEL 3 HORROR EMOTION SCENE

What I learned is that they key to these emotions is to build and stack unrelenting. Hopefully I have done this successfully.

Setup:
– We’re down to three kids, who for the most part have managed to avoid the terror and/or deny.
– Robert is David’s brother.
– David is looking for Josh and he’s been told earlier not to go in the back room because Robert is “up there jerking off.”

INT. UPSTAIRS BATHROOM

David starts to leave, but a harsh wind and rustling get his attention. He walks to the window and looks outside.

The wind is strong, whipping the branches of the willow. He checks the creek, and the forest beyond.

A shadow glides past the doorway and he jolts; turns.

DAVID
Josh?

He peaks out into the hallway.

DAVID
Robert?

A soft scratching calls his attention to the closed door at the end of the hall.

David approaches.

He reaches for the knob. Thinks better of it. Leans in, listens.

A low moan comes from beyond the door. David shudders and scrunches his face. No one wants to hear their brother come.

He sighs, shakes his head and steps back.

He makes his way back to the stairs and the door pops open behind him.

He turns around.

DAVID
Dude, no one wants to hear you–

The room is dark.

David goes back. He pushes the door open more.

A subtle shape of the outline of a person stands in the window behind a sheer curtain. Robert doesn’t notice. He glances around the room. No sign of Robert.

DAVID
Robert?

He steps inside.

David hears soft, overlapping whispers.

He has a bad feeling, but he proceeds.

DAVID
Dude…

He steps closer to the bed, and as he nears the window, he sees Robert laying on the ground, still, eyes open, a mouth hung open desperate for air. His pants are down.

David freezes. His breath catches in his throat. His heart sinks and he drops to his knees beside his brother.

DAVID
Robert?

He turns Robert’s head to him. His lips are purple and he’s completely lifeless.

DAVID
Oh God…

David scrambles for his phone. He pulls it out. His hands shaking violently, he dials 911.

There’s no ring. But the line is open. He can hear something. White noise.

DAVID
Hello?
(beat)
Hello? Is someone there?

Eerie silence… and then the distant sound of babies crying.

The color drains from his face, and he looks around the room.

DAVID
(into phone)
Hello!

A tear falls down David’s face. He pulls himself up. Listening to the sounds of distant cries.

He looks at his phone. No service.

He sees the figure in the window. The shape has now filled in with a silhouette. It emits a low moan. He swallows hard and takes slow steps toward the door. The figure in the window starts to turn around…

FIGURE
(whispers)
My baby…

…as a non-existent wind blows the curtain aside, revealing nothing!

David is already bolting to the bedroom door. It starts to swing shut! But he dives and blocks it with his wrist!

He grabs the door jamb as the door presses itself harder into his hand. With all his might, he pushes the door open with his other hand and pulls his foot into the opening.

With a better positioning and grip, he forces the door open and stumbles down the hall toward the stairs. He falls and rolls. Marcus and Whitney meet him at the bottom, terror glued to their faces.

David can hardly lift his head and he can barely get up. He’s choking and gasping. Marcus helps pull him to his feet.

DAVID
We gotta get the fuck outta here!

They run down the hallway to the backdoor. David is stumbling and sinking with each step, as if being held back. They pass the religious room, and a vacant-eyed Olivia is standing in the doorway. Candles lit up on the alter behind her.

DAVID
(gasping)
Liv… thank God.

David takes her hand and pulls her to the door.

Marcus takes the knob. He tries to turn it. It won’t open! He turns the lock. It still won’t open!

WHITNEY
Hurry, Marcus!

MARCUS
I’m trying! It won’t open it!

WHITNEY
Unlock it!

MARCUS
I’m trying!

In the smokey glass window, a figure suddenly appears with a loud crash! Whitney and Marcus scream. It bangs on the door and shakes the knob ferociously!

Olivia pulls David into the religious room. Marcus and Whiney rush in behind. The door shuts behind them.

EXT. HOUSE.

Johnny stands outside the back door, banging on it, kicking it, trying the handle. Nothing is working!

He hits the glass with the lead pipe. Nothing!

He steps back and looks at the house. From floor to roof, left to right… He decides to try the kitchen window. He takes a resounding, resolved step, and then the back door ekes open.

He freezes and stares at the invitation.

INT. RELIGIOUS ROOM

David stumbles backward, tries to keep his balance, knocks things over. He grabs at his throat, gasping, hungry for air.

WHITNEY
(Frantic)
What’s wrong with you?!

Her face falls, and her tears seem to suspend and a figure appears on his back! It’s the nun! Her swampy arm is wrapped around his neck! Her hollow eyes boring into Whitney and Marcus.

Marcus grabs a pitchfork against the wall. Whitney screams. Olivia watches, entranced. Her smile is blackened and her teeth are filled with creek muck.

Marcus facing off with David and the nun, aiming the pitchfork at their heads. The nun hisses, daring him to strike.

EXT. THE HOUSE

Whitney’s scream grabs Johnny’s attention. He bolts inside the house.

INT. RELIGIOUS ROOM

The door bursts open, and Johnny stands there with the lead pipe.

Whitney screams as Johnny grabs her arm.

JOHNNY
It wants you!

He pulls her to the door, but Marcus punches the pitchfork, without hesitation and jamming its prongs deep into Johnny’s chest.

Johnny releases Whitney and stumbles backward. He falls off the pitchfork and across the hallway, banging his head on the wall.

Marcus comes out and hovers the pitchfork over Johnny’s body.

David struggles. The nun pulls him backward and chokes the life out of him as Whitney screams in both directions. David’s neck cracks. And cracks some more. His eyes go blank.

JOHNNY
(to Marcus/pleading)
Get her out of here.

Marcus stabs again!

Whitney has dropped to her hands and knees, covering her face, screaming, sobbing.

WHITNEY
Marcus, stop! STOP!

Over and over, just happy for the win in this time of hysteria…

…And then a harsh wind catches his attention.

He looks up and sees the open back door.

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S SOLVED SCENE PROBLEMS!

What I learned are several ways to identify how scenes can be elevated.

What I corrected:

– I had a scene where Hero and Villain were talking in Hero’s kitchen.
I added something that challenges Hero’s character

– I had a scene where the Mayor and Scientist are just talking on the phone
I made this in person and introduced some subtext relating to Scientist

– I had a scene where Hero is being interviewed by a reporter, shown on a TV in a living room
I changed this so that the interview cuts to Hero and the Reporter on scene, and added some controversy

– I had a scene with swimming lessons
I decided to make this a montage, and expand the larger scene into cliff jumping

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S LOGLINE AND ONE PAGE

What I’ve learned is that rewriting this script is doable as long as I stay focused, attack it in segments, and divorce myself from the things that are unnecessary!

TITLE – RETRIBUTION FOR A MERCENARY

GENRE: FANTASY/ADVENTURE

I need to change the title (among other things), because on nearly every occasion, despite the logline, people have told me the title gave them a different vision of the story. The title needs work, and I need to change it — for sure.

Logline:
Set in a 16th-century fantasy world, a mercenary group, comprised of weapons masters and mages, seeks revenge on a Dark Bishop that took the life of their Commander. A newcomer joins the team… can he be trusted?

THE BASIC PLOT

Bern is a mercenary in his father’s troop. When his father and half their troop are murdered by a Dark Bishop, the torch is thrust upon him. He has imposter syndrome. His right-hand man and childhood friend battle for control as they try and see eye-to-eye on how to rebuild the team, defeat the enemy, and lead the group.

A: BEGINNING/MIDDLE/END
ACT 1: Bern’s father is murdered and he and his best friend (Rayen) try and come to grips, rebuild the team, find the solution for beating the Bishop.

ACT 2: A temptress (the Bishop’s daughter) tries to lure Rayen away from his team. Meanwhile… a new (and questionable person) joins the group and he has many reasons to suspect his loyalties lie elsewhere. But we discover Rayen has actually joined the bad guys, to make a deal to help Bern defeat the Bishop. He knows this will cost him the friendship, and likely his life.

ACT 3. The Bishop has been defeated, but a new enemy remains: his daughter and Rayen! The team defeats her and rescues Rayen. (I feel this ending is satisfying, but have wondered if I should just kill him off — but ultimately he is a good guy with deep and true love for his friend (so I kind of want to save him and have him be forgiven)

B. CUT CHARACTERS THAT AREN’T ESSENTIAL TO THE BASIC PLOT

Here is where the rewrites started going bad….

I started out with a story of death and vindication. But then people started telling me they wanted to see how the team was rebuilt… so I added it, and then I started hearing how it played out more like episodic television and how people were bored of constant training sequences (although vivid and unique… they were repetitious).

I had an ensemble cast that people complained were too many characters that needed developing, and the more I developed, to differentiate, the more people then complained that the story dragged out and lagged. So… I had interesting characters that people wanted to know more about, and then after I elaborated, I had too many characters that people knew too much about. (ARGH!) Off the bat, IU am thinking of two characters I can cut. But my fear is that people may say, how can this mercenary team only have four people — that’s too small!!

C. PESENT A CLEAR STORY LINE THAT’S EASY TO FOLLOW

– Man and best friend lose father/father figure to an evil Dark Bishop

– They discover the only way to defeat him is with an enchanted stone that they cannot find
– As tensions grow, the best friend meets a woman who promises him the stone for his loyalty

– The best friend accepts the offer (that we do not find out until the same time the lead finds out) and he betrays the team (all for wanting to help them)

– Success! The Bishop is dead, but now the best friend has to leave his group and they all hate him

– The group now has a new enemy, the Bishop’s daughter and their former teammate!

– Time to kick some more ass…

THE CORE

The core is friendship. Brotherhood and love, torn apart by betrayal, but with the best intentions.

[jaye Blohm]

Hi everyone!

My name is Jaye and I’m very happy to be part of this class.

I recently finished my 6th script and it feels good to keep the momentum going!

I look forward to rewriting my 3rd script that I am in LOVE with, but needs some TLC that I haven’t been able to master on my own! I am currently finishing up the ProSeries Class, and I can tell you that if you trust Hal and Cheryl, the process, and yourselves, breakthroughs will happen, and you will create something magical.

Something unique about myself, is that I like to make ASMR videos on YouTube.

I’m excited to be learning alongside all of you!

[jaye Blohm]

As a member of this group, I, Jaye Blohm, agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S LEVEL 2 HORROR EMOTION SCENE

What I learned is that setting up a scene that follows the template for fear, suspense, and dread, helps ensure the writer is on the right path to creating great horror.

I’m hoping to create fear, suspense and dread with this rough draft:

“The Creek”

The following scene takes place in an old abandoned house, filled with dark secrets and bad juju. This is why no lights are working. Perhaps I’ll need to introduce flashlights and candles… a full moon and a skylight… I’m not trying to have a movie take place in darkness, I hate when you can’t see stuff… but it’s an abandoned house. Maybe I can have someone bring lights or a generator….

Anyway, here’s a scene from Act 2:

INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Sarah and Karen appear at the bottom of the stairs. Whitney and
Marcus are deep in conversation.

KAREN
You guys find Josh yet?

Marcus looks up with a tense jaw. Whitney’s eyes are wet. Karen
and Sarah share a look of awkward regret and slide past. David
passes.

KAREN
No Josh?

David shakes his head, rolls his eyes. Heads upstairs.

Karen calls up to him.

KAREN
Stay out of the back bedroom,
Robert’s jacking off!

DAVID (O.S.)
Thanks for the warning!

The girls laugh and walk across the living room to a small corridor.

They note spray paint on the wall. Artwork interrupted.

Sarah examines the graffiti with respect.

SARAH
He’s actually pretty good.

Karen walks her fingers up Sarah’s back and tickles her neck. Sarah
scrunches down and giggles. Karen moves in for another kiss, and
Sarah accepts.

Sarah backs against the wall and puts her arms around Karen’s neck
as Karen goes in harder. She brings her hand to Sarah’s breast.

A nearby door ekes open. Soundless.

A GURGLED WHISPER comes from beyond and Sarah stops.

SARAH
Was that you?

KAREN
It’s all me.

Karen moves in again.

THE WHISPER COMES LOUDER.

GURGLED WHISPER
Karen…

Karen stops. Looks over at the barely open door, then back at Sarah.
Mystery solved.

KAREN
Josh.

Karen approaches. Opens the door wider. Blackness.

Sarah clutches Karen’s arm.

SARAH
Let’s get David.

Karen scoffs. Pulls her cell phone from her clutch. She turns on the
flashlight. She bites her lip, sexy.

KAREN
Let’s go fuck with him.

She holds her phone’s light and scans the basement.

KAREN
(a loud whisper)
Josh!

It’s quiet.

KAREN
Wanna get your freak on??

She giggles devilishly and takes a step down.

Sarah looks over her shoulder and down the hall. Not a person in
sight.

Karen continues down wooden, creaky stairs. Sarah, still holding her
arm, is prompted to follow.

Karen scans the room: shovels, a washer and dryer, furnace, piles of
blankets, gardening supplies, spray paint cans scattered. Long
shadows. At the base of the stairs, an entrance to another room.

Karen holds the rail. Sarah clutches her arm as they slowly descend.
A dusty cobweb hits Sarah in the face and she lets out a contained
squeal.

Karen almost drops her phone.

Her shaking flashlight reveals a quick flash under the stairs. Josh is
standing below! Bloody, trance-like, eyes wide open!

But the girls don’t see. Karen is glaring at Sarah who desperately
brushes cobwebs from her hair.

KAREN
Watch it, dumbass! I almost
dropped my phone!

Sarah’s on the verge of tears.

SARAH
Sorry!
(gasps for her composure)
But shine it up here!

Sarah indicates to the ceiling before them.

KAREN
Where’s your phone?!

The girls do not notice the door at the top of the stairs silently
closes.

SARAH
Your boyfriend’s probably
jizzing on it.

Karen huffs. She shines the light ahead of them, upward.

More cobwebs. In a far corner, a giant spider.

Sarah shudders. She squeezes her eyes shut and buries her head in
Karen’s shoulder.

KAREN
There, you happy now?

SARAH
Just hurry the fuck up!

They take a few more steps down. Karen holds the light in front of
her.

KAREN
Josh!

She moves the flashlight left, then right. A shadow now appears on
the floor, extending from the room to the right.

Karen smiles at Sarah, nods and winks.

KAREN
(mouths)
Bingo.

Sarah sighs, relieved. She leans in and whispers in Karen’s ear.

SARAH
I don’t feel like making out
anymore.

As Karen listens, her face pales and her eyes go wide. A SLOPPY
GURGLING comes from behind Sarah. Off Karen’s expression,
Sarah’s eyes get hollow and she slowly turns to see what Karen is
looking at.

Her mouth forms a scream and both girls turn back to the basement
door. Sarah is still glued to Karen’s arm!

KAREN
Let go of me!

Karen pushes Sarah away, and Sarah grasps desperately for the rail.

Karen raises her leg and jams her heel into Sara’s abdomen,
launching her down the stairs.

Sarah cries out and Karen makes for the door again.

Sarah’s cries are muffled. It sounds like she’s being smothered,
suffocated. She gasps, goes for a scream, and then chokes. This plays
on repeat as Karen stays focused on the door.

A hand reaches up from below the stairs and grabs her ankle, pulling
her down, between two steps. Her gown tears. Her right leg comes
through the opening, and her left leg stays up top with a SNAP! She
cries out in anguish.

She screams and drops her phone. It lands at Josh’s feet, flashlight
pointing upward, shining on his bloody face and ripped open torso.

Sarah’s cries have quelled and Josh looks up at her; arm outstretched,
hand gripping her ankle.

His mouth moves almost mechanically as he looks up at her Something
forces him to speak in an anguished whisper.

JOSH
Karen…

Karen is frozen, petrified. A scream refusing to leave her mouth as she
only gulps in air.

The stairs creak behind her. She tries to turn, frantic, but Josh holds her
in place. A slimy wet cord snakes around her neck and she grabs for it.

It squeezes and tightens. Karen gasps, and squirms.

Finally, she is pulled through the stairs.

The flashlight shines up at her body, dangling just inches off the ground.
Face to face with Josh. She dies, squirming and grabbing at the cord,
staring into his dead and bloody face.

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S SOLVED CHARACTER PROBLEMS!

What I learned is that by going back over the story with the perspective of character only, it helped me to see right away what needed fixing.

What I improved:

– I was able to identify why the Mayor was the true evil one and back it up with actions as opposed to just intent.

– In turn, this helped me to see hoe the Scientist was too flat of a character, and much in the way my Hero and Villain play off each other, I wanted the same for the Scientist and the Mayor.

– I made my Scientist a cyborg. Something that I put clues of in the story, and then finally reveal as his head gets bashed into he marble flooring. This actually came to me at the last second, because I liked bashing his skull in, but I needed him to continue living so he could further attack. And as my mind was searching how he could survive this before making one last strike… it occurred to me to make him a robot! In this way, I could give him more strikes, as opposed to a final one, and he goes on to flee the scene, thereby dragging out the climax and elevating tension and suspense.

– I gave the Villain and Hero more depth, in giving them (what I hope) is a heartfelt and touching final scene

– I even added some extra parts with Hero’s Girlfriend, who breaks up with him early on and I just left her out of the rest of it. It felt incomplete to just leave her as forgotten, so I put a few more scenes of her life without Hero and I think this works well.

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S LEVEL 1 HORROR EMOTION SCENE

What I learned is that trying to set the stage for a haunted house and a tree and creek that have personalities is a little difficult to pull off without coming off as corny. At first I wrote a first draft that showed all the details of Johnny’s assault. But it was so awful that I had to rethink it and rewrite it. Rather than actually seeing Johnny get assaulted by the tree, I decided to use different senses and visuals, like screaming and other sounds, Ravens flying, reflections in the window, we see glimpses of Johnny getting thrashed.

So, I wrote a first draft… almost posted it. Thought better of it, and wrote a second first draft that was less on the nose. I’m still not sure about this. But here it is nonetheless….

EXT. RURAL HOUSE – DAY

A beautiful brisk day. There are traces of melted snow; mushy grass,
crisp air. The sky is blue and not a cloud in sight.

The two-story house sits on an acre of land, a creek sits 50 feat
behind it. Grass is lush. A tall willow tree nearby, filled with RAVENS.

A heavy truck is parked in the driveway. On the side of the truck
READS: WALKER AND SON TREE REMOVAL.

DERRICK WALKER (40) and JOHNNY (15), African American, father
and son, stand at the creekside willow tree. Large roots are visible
on top of the earth.

Derrick, burly, shoulders an axe. Johnny, a younger version of his
father, holds his axe at his side.

SUPER: Cleveland, Ohio, 1954, Spring

JOHNNY
It’s too bad. She’s a beauty.

Derrick nods in agreement. A cigarette hangs from his lips.

DERRICK
The roots will start tearing up
the foundation.
(beat)
Already ruining the pipes.

RAVENS CAW. Johnny looks up to the tree. Must be dozens in there.
Two more fly in.

Johnny looks back at the house.

NORA (50s), Caucasian, long white apron and nurse’s cap, watches
from the back patio, arms crossed in front of her.

Derrick drops his cigarette and grinds it into the ground with the tip
of his shoe.

DERRICK
Alright, let’s get ‘er done.

Derrick brings his axe down and he and Johnny walk closer to the
tree.

A cloud from seemingly nowhere, moves in front of the sun, casting
a shadow on the backyard.

A cool breeze comes through, blowing Nora’s hair and dress. She
holds her arms tighter, resisting the chill. She looks up at the cloud.

The breeze picks up, sweeping the low hanging willow branches.

Johnny takes his place on the opposite side of the tree and begins
whacking away at the trunk.

More clouds. More darkness. More wind.

The trunk of the tree is chipped away with each hit, but no
significant damage appears.

Johnny’s blade starts to loosen from the handle.

Both men lower their axes. Johnny rubs his arms.

DERRICK
Must still be too cold.

He wipes his brow. The wind whips branches around him.

Johnny curls his nose.

JOHNNY
What’s that smell?

Derrick shakes his head. Johnny looks to the thick forest beyond. A
GURGLED WHISPER near his feet gets his attention and he pulls his
foot back as if something grabbed it.

He looks down. A Raven flaps beside his foot. He kicks it. It CAWS
and flies away.

DERRICK
Lord knows, son.

Johnny looks back at the house. Nora is hugging herself tight.

Up in the second story window, a dark figure stands beside curtains,
watching them. Johnny squints. A NUN? A sharp chill runs through
his spine.

DERRICK
I’m gonna grab the saw.

Johnny looks back at his father. He releases a deep sigh, and shakes
off the eerie vibes.

He takes another swing. The axe sticks in the trunk. He tugs.

The wind gains forces. Nora holds her hat down on her head.

Derrick turns; walks to the truck. Johnny tugs at his axe.

He pulls it free, and the axe blade comes loose from the handle,
spinning like a frisbee, sinking itself into Derrick’s jugular.

Derrick drops to the ground with a THUD.

Johnny is frozen.

Nora’s blood-curdling scream snaps him out of it.

Johnny rushes to his father, but a willow branch reaches for him and
wraps around his ankle dragging him back.

Johnny scratches at the ground and twists his body to face the tree.

Nora screams again. Her eyes grow wide and she covers her mouth
as she watches in horror.

CRUNCHING! CRACKING!

Johnny cries out: terrified, guttural, desperate.

The Nun (60s) Caucasian, watches from the window, emotionless
and still.

Willow branches whip around wildly and ravens fly off in all
directions in the window’s reflection.

Johnny’s screams subside.

Nora lowers her hands. Her mouth agape.

Johnny lays face down in the water.

He slowly lifts his body with his right arm, shaking with its last
remaining strength. His left arm is ineffective. His head bleeds
profusely.

Nora starts to run for him, but the tree comes for her. She runs back
to the house and slams the door shut behind her.

Johnny rolls out of the creek onto his back, and tries to scramble
away. His left arm is mangled; useless.

He stares up at the tree. It creaks and scratches, snaps and seems to
growl. Johnny’s eyes bulge and his face contorts. He covers his face
with his right arm and lets out a gut-wrenching cry.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL AUDITORIUM – EVENING

Beautiful teenage boys and girls slow dance to a ballad under low
lights.

The room is filled with streamers and balloons. A banner READS:
EASITSIDE HIGH SENIOR BALL.

SUPER: Cleveland, Ohio, Present Day

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S SOLVED STRUCTURAL PROBLEMS

What I learned is that once you have your first draft down, going back and filling in the gaps, plot holes, structural problems is easy!

ACT 1:

I initially had Hero as the Protagonist and Villain as the Antagonist. I took a lot of time and care to introduce Hero, and pretty much introduced Villain at the time of the inciting incident. As it turns out, this story ended up being more of a buddy movie; a bromance, and Villain was not the TRUE antagonist. So, even though it’s minor, I wanted to give a glimpse of Villain earlier on as well, to make the story more rounded.

ACT 2:
Here is where I probably made the most changes to my story. I wanted the Mayor to be the TRUE antagonist, so I needed a good why. Although this reason wasn’t going to be fully revealed until act 3, I needed to ensure my setups were solid. So I went back and filled in any holes, so that when everything was said and done, it would make sense and be acceptable.

ACT 3:
One big layer in my story is that Hero and Villain are only recognized and credited for their actions. People love Hero because he’s good, and they hate Villain because he’s bad. When Hero loses his powers, his relationships with others also starts to crumble and his perception of himself goes to hell. Throughout my entire story no one has a name, only a title. This is done intentionally, because when we finally learn Hero and Villain’s names, it’s only because they care enough to finally ask each other.

ACT 4:
I am hoping that Act 4 is packed with emotion. What we have come to learn is that when Hero and Villain get their powers back, this is actually an essential part of who they are. Hero has battled with Villain’s innate evilness, and Villain has had a taste of Hero’s empathy, two powers neither of them has had before and ended up struggling with. ow that things are back to normal…is Villain bad because he chooses to be, or is he bad because he’s bad. (Why does the snake bite? Because it’s bad? No, it bites because it does.).

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S HORROR OUTLINE VERSION 1

“THE CREEK”

What I learned is that making this readable outline helps to organize the many puzzle pieces I have scattered all about at the moment, deciding what is necessary and what is not, and helping me to identify gaps.

EXT. HOUSE – DAY
Circa 1950s. Derrick and Johnny, tree removal, Father & Son Company, have arrived to remove a large willow tree from behind a house by a creek. It’s filled with ravens and is tearing up pipes.

While trying to chop down the tree, a storm moves in, bringing dark clouds and heavy wind. The saw won’t cut.

Derrick goes to the car to get something stronger. Johnny stays behind and tries his shot with his axe. But the head flies off and sinks in Derrick’s neck.

Johnny runs to him, but the tree grabs him and whips his ass all around, smashing him into creek rocks, badly maiming him.

A housemaid watching from the rear door screams in horror. A nun watches from an upstairs window.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL – EVENING
Present Day. Senior Ball. We meet David, Josh, Robert, Marcus, Whitney, Olivia, Sarah, and Karen.

Whitney & Marcus, Robert & Karen, David & Sarah, Olivia gets dumped.

David suggests a party afterward at this old abandoned house by the creek.

We learn about the history of the house. They call Josh to join them.

EXT. CONVENIENCE STORE – NIGHT
The kids get more drinks and snacks. They meet older, homeless, one-armed crazy Johnny, who warns them not to go to the house. They give him a beer and head out.

EXT. HOUSE / BACKYARD – NIGHT
Kids are drinking, having a party, smoking weed. Josh arrives. Joins them. Decides to spray paint the house. Olivia thinks she sees a shadow in a window. Looks again… it’s gone!

Ghost stories… about the history of the house and the crazy women that used to run a clinic for women who didn’t want their babies. After the babies were born, urban legend says that these babies were supposed to be sent out for adoption, but were drowned in the creek… right here… where we sit…
Meanwhile…Josh has been gone a while. The team wants to go inside. It’s getting cold, plus… what’s with all the ravens? and Josh has been gone a while.

Olivia doesn’t want to go, so she stays outside.

The creek is scary, the forest beyond is scary. Noises… a chill. Olivia gets a text from her date, can’t reply. Bad signal. She gets more nervous. Decides to go in the house.

But the tree stops her, grabs her, she drowns in the creek. OLIVIA DOWN.

INT. HOUSE – NIGHT
Looking for Josh. Marcus scares people. Robert and Karen go upstairs to “look” but Robert wants to get frisky. Karen is rejecting him. Then Sarah walks in. Unexpectedly, she starts to get friendly with Karen and this is second best for Robert. He takes a seat and watches. Starts to pleasure himself, while lighting up a blunt.

INT. THE HOUSE – NIGHT
The back door is open and Olivia walks in. Drenched. David sees her in the hall and meets her. Is she okay? She barfs. He tells her to lay down and she walks into a nearby room.

As he walks away, the back door closes by itself.

INT. BACK IN THE UPSTAIRS BEDROOM – SAME
Karen and Sarah making out for Robert. Part of the girls’ shadow breaks away and moves along the wall, to the ceiling. Robert is freaking out, and his weed smoke fills his lungs. He can’t exhale. Dick out and making grunting noises, the girls get weirded out and leave as he dies. ROBERT DOWN.

INT. HOUSE – SAME
The kids continue calling for Josh. No answer.

Whitney pulls Marcus aside. Tells him she’s pregnant. He’s disappointed and angry. He wants to go to college. She wants to raise a family. He wants to move during summer, going to University of Miami, and he doesn’t want her to come. Suggests an abortion. And there’s that creek outside…

INT. HOUSE – SAME
David looks for Josh. Can’t find him. Finds a religious room of freaky shit.

INT. HOUSE – SAME
Karen and Sarah arrive downstairs. Look for a private place to carry on. They hear Josh calling for them… in the basement! He sounds sick.

They go to investigate and they see Josh, his chest ripped open and his mouth moving unnaturally, calling their names. They bolt back up the stairs. Sarah lags, and impending noises freak her and Karen out. Karen pushes Sarah down the stairs to feed the beast.

And as she reaches the top, she falls through the stairs and gets hung.

The basement door slams shut. JOSH DOWN. SARAH DOWN. KAREN DOWN.

EXT. STREET – NIGHT
Johnny has dreams. Symbolic. Tells him that Whitney is chosen by the house and she and her friends are in danger.

He wakes to tell his fellow tent friends who mock him.

INT. HOUSE – NIGHT
David finds Josh dead. Sees the shadows. Hears whispers. An image behind a sheer curtain. Calls 911, but phone has no service. A nun? He moves it aside and nothing is there.

INT. HOUSE – SAME
David finds Whitney and Marcus. Says they have to go. Something awful has happened and his cell phone isn’t working. Whitney and Marcus check their phones. There’s are not working either. David tells what he knows about the house. Suddenly unnatural sounds are getting louder.

They try the doors. Locked!

Then they see Olivia! She goes into the freaky religious room. The three go after her.

INT. RELIGIOUS ROOM – SAME
Olivia speaks in mixed English and foreign tongues. She says the house will not let Whitney leave.

EXT. HOUSE – SAME
Johnny arrives. Tries the front door. Locked! Runs to the back, looking in windows. A face appears as he passes. He’s in the back. The tree stalls him. But the back door to the house opens.

INT. HOUSE – SAME
Olivia charges Whitney, but David intervenes. Marcus grabs a weapon, a pitchfork?? But doesn’t know what to do, just stands there like a dumbass. Whitney screams for him to do something while Olivia is strangling David.

Then Johnny burst in the room! And Marcus plunges the pitchfork into his chest! JOHNNY DOWN. DAVID DOWN.
Marcus runs out and sees the back door open. He escapes!

Olivia charges Whitney. She screams!

EXT. HOUSE / BACKYARD – SAME
The door slams shut! He stalls, and the tree grabs him and murders the shit out of him in the creek. MARCUS DOWN.

INT. THE HOUSE – SAME
Whitney is in a bed. Restrained. Bloody head, unconscious, but breathing. Olivia is at the foot of the bed, and the nun is there. They will be taking care of her and ensuring she has her baby.

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S CHARACTER JOURNEY TRACK

What I learned is that each character has a journey. These should not simply be people that come into an unfortunate situation and get picked off one by one. Our characters need depth, regardless of the story and regardless if they are first to die, or last.

I have 8 character that will die: Olivia, Robert, Josh, Sarah, Karen, David, Johnny, Marcus
(plus one man in the prologue – Derrick)

One will live: Whitney

PROLOGUE / Circa 1950 —

DERRICK
A. What is their Character Profile?

Role: Sets the stage for what we will later come to seeTraits: Mentor, confident, loving Fears: ??Wants/Needs: Wants to teach his son Johnny the trade / Needs more helpLikability / Rooting factors: Fatherly, kindHow they react under stress: Cool-headedRelationship with other characters: Only Johnny. It’s a good relationship, but he gets killed on page 2.

B. What is their Character Journey for this story?

Character Intro: Landscaper. Called in to remove a tree from the property (circa 1950s)Denial: No denial at this point. The monster has not presented itself yetTheir reaction at first horror: No reaction. Doesn’t see it comingRelation to group after first horror: See aboveHow they fight back: See aboveEnd Point: A freak accident causes the head of an axe to fly off and stick in his jugularWhat insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? His death tells us that the grounds are haunted

PRESENT DAY —

OLIVIA
A. What is their Character Profile?

Role: Innocent/IntrovertTraits: Quiet, kind, shyFears: being left aloneWants/Needs: Wants friends. Needs to be assertiveLikability / Rooting factors: Very friendly, doesn’t like to cause troubleHow they react under stress: Panics Relationship with other characters: Friends

B. What is their Character Journey for this story?

Character Intro: At school with friends (have to explore deeper)Denial: She ignores them at first; thinks the stories are urban legendTheir reaction at first horror: Terrified. PanicRelation to group after first horror: How they fight back: Tries to runEnd Point: The creek will drown herWhat insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? She will be dead, but her body will be used to trick some of her friends.

ROBERT
A. What is their Character Profile?

Role: ObnoxiousTraits: Self-absorbed, pervertFears: Being judgedWants/Needs: Wants booty. Needs loveLikability / Rooting factors: FunnyHow they react under stress: FreezesRelationship with other characters: Friends, but gets along better with the guys

B. What is their Character Journey for this story?

Character Intro: At school with friends (have to explore deeper)Denial: One of the first to go, he doesn’t believe the mythsTheir reaction at first horror: freezes, panicsRelation to group after first horror: N/A. he diesHow they fight back: StrugglesEnd Point: ChokingWhat insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? The monster likes to suffocate victims

JOSH
A. What is their Character Profile?

Role: Rule BreakerTraits: Aloof, risk takerFears: Being boringWants/Needs: Wants attention. Needs a creative outletLikability / Rooting factors: He’s a nice guyHow they react under stress: CoolRelationship with other characters: Friends

B. What is their Character Journey for this story?

Character Intro: At school with friends (have to explore deeper)Denial: All-out denial. Doesn’t believe it. It’s not even in his headTheir reaction at first horror: We don’t see this. It happens when we’re not lookingRelation to group after first horror: Unknown / UnseenHow they fight back: Unknown / UnseenEnd Point: His chest is puncturedWhat insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? Like Olivia, the demons can control a body they kill

SARAH
A. What is their Character Profile?

Role: Sacrificial LambTraits: Bold, sexy, shit-stirrerFears: Being judgedWants/Needs: Wants attention. Needs self confidenceLikability / Rooting factors: Easy to get along withHow they react under stress: ScreamsRelationship with other characters: Friends

B. What is their Character Journey for this story?

Character Intro: At school with friends (have to explore deeper)Denial: Thinks the stories are urban legendTheir reaction at first horror: ScaredRelation to group after first horror: DeathHow they fight back: StrugglesEnd Point: Mauled/Suffocated/ChokedWhat insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? The monster strikes quickly and relentlessly

KAREN
A. What is their Character Profile?

Role: ComplainerTraits: A tease, kinda bitchy, selfishFears: RejectionWants/Needs: Wants everything to go her way. Needs to relaxLikability / Rooting factors: She’s bold; sexyHow they react under stress: Runs.Relationship with other characters: Flirty with the boys; kinda snobbish with the girls

B. What is their Character Journey for this story?

Character Intro: At school with friends (have to explore deeper)Denial: Thinks her friends are joking with herTheir reaction at first horror: She throws her friends into the fire.Relation to group after first horror: No time to see the groupHow they fight back: RunsEnd Point: Falls through stairs/pulls through stairs; strangledWhat insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? More suffocation death

DAVID
A. What is their Character Profile?

Role: LeaderTraits: Funny, strong-minded, gets along with everyoneFears: Being wrongWants/Needs: Wants to be popular. Needs to listenLikability / Rooting factors: How they react under stress: Stands up to hit. Wants to protectRelationship with other characters: Everyone’s friend; the glue

B. What is their Character Journey for this story?

Character Intro: At school with friends (have to explore deeper)Denial: He perpetuates the denial and is the one to deny it hardestTheir reaction at first horror: Brave Relation to group after first horror: BraveHow they fight back: Stands upEnd Point: Gets crushedWhat insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? Why the house is killing, and why it has an interest in Whitney

JOHNNY
A. What is their Character Profile?

Role: Attempted heroTraits: Emotionally & Physically wounded, afraid, easily excited, Fears: What he saw at the house, the unknown, anything to do with the houseWants/Needs: Wants to be sane again. Needs to be believedLikability / Rooting factors: Good heart, genuinely cares for peopleHow they react under stress: Runs at first; then faces itRelationship with other characters: Homeless guy

B. What is their Character Journey for this story?

Character Intro: In the prologue. Witnesses his father’s death. Gets maimed.Denial: No denial.Their reaction at first horror: Ruined for the rest of his lifeRelation to group after first horror: Comes to their aid eventuallyHow they fight back: Tries to help get them outEnd Point: Murdered by MarcusWhat insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? Why the house is angry and why it wants to keep Whitney

MARCUS
A. What is their Character Profile?

Role: AssholeTraits: Selfish, goal oriented, strong-mindedFears: Getting trapped in a relationship before he’s readyWants/Needs: Wants to go to college and get a good job. Needs to learn to think of othersLikability / Rooting factors: Confident, goal orientedHow they react under stress: Abandons everyoneRelationship with other characters: Casual. Good, as long as things are going his way.

B. What is their Character Journey for this story?

Character Intro: At school with friends (have to explore deeper)Denial: Thinks it’s just urban legendTheir reaction at first horror: PanicRelation to group after first horror: HysteriaHow they fight back: Kills the wrong guy and runs. Abandons his friendsEnd Point: The creek smashes the shit out of him and drowns himWhat insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? The house hates him the most

WHITNEY
A. What is their Character Profile?

Role: Moral OneTraits: Kind, strong, lovingFears: Being heartbroken and alone. Having a baby without a dadWants/Needs: Wants to be with Marcus. Needs to have solutionsLikability / Rooting factors: She has a good heartHow they react under stress: TerrorRelationship with other characters: Friends

B. What is their Character Journey for this story?

Character Intro: At school with friends (have to explore deeper)Denial: Thinks the story is urban legendTheir reaction at first horror: TerrifiedRelation to group after first horror: DependentHow they fight back: Old school, grittyEnd Point: Survivor. Kept intact by the house for the sake of her babyWhat insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? The house wants her alive so it can take her baby

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S FILLED IN MISSING SCENES!

What I learned is that the most important thing in writing a 20% quality high-speed first draft is to get it down on the page. Even if you hit a roadblock, use a placeholder and keep moving forward. Problems I didn’t know I could solve (my [PLACEHOLDERS]) were easily solved once I completed my first draft. My first draft was 70 pages, and I was a little concerned at the shortage, but after a read through, I could easily identify other gaps in the story and put the necessary scenes in.

What I added:

EXT. POLICE STATION – NIGHT
The Commissioner talks to reporters briefly about the string of kidnappings that’s hit the city.

EXT. COMMUNITY COLLEGE – MORNING
A citizen gets kidnapped.

INT. MAYOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Villain threatens Mayor. Demands he get ahold of Hero.

INT. LAB – EVENING
Hero calls Scientist. Wants to come in for help.

INT. LAB – DAY
Scientist and Mayor discuss Plan B: an implanted explosive.

INT. DRUG STORE – MORNING
Villain robs it.

INT. LAB – DAY

Scientist and Mayor implant the explosive inside Villain

EXT. STREET – DAY

Girlfriend with new boyfriend. Gets purse snatched.

MONTAGE – DAY
Villain teaches Hero how to swim.

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S ACT 4 RESOLUTION

What I learned is that whatever doubts I might have placed on myself at the beginning of this class, trusting the process and pushing through has allowed me to write a first draft screenplay in 12 days, and I’m thrilled with it so far. Rewrites can only make it better! I’m looking forward to elevating this story!

EXT. LAB – NIGHT

Copious amounts of police cars skid up to the entrance. Hero walks out
alone, straight to THE COMMISSIONER (50s).

HERO
Commissioner, your men are
going to find a big surprise in
the Science Lab.

Commissioner, gun drawn, hands shaking, speaks timidly. Almost asking.

COMMISSIONER
Hero, I need you to come to
the station. Answer some
questions.

HERO
I’ll be glad to. But first, City Hall.

Hero points his fist to the sky and he’s off!

EXT. CITY HALL – NIGHT

The front door is smashed to bits.

INT. CITY HALL / LOWER LEVEL – SAME

Hero faces a set of doors. In front to him A SIGN ON THE DOOR READS:

THE VAULT.

Commotion behind him as POLICE and ARMED SECURITY round the
corner. The Commissioner leads.

Hero breaks open the first set of doors.

An armed guard holds up a key card. The Commissioner waves it away.

Hero breaks open the second set of doors. Then the third.

Inside, people stand.

BLACK WOMAN BLONDE MAN
Hero! We’re saved!

ASIAN WOMAN LATINO MAN
He’s alive! I knew it!

BEARDED HIPSTER
I’m hungry!

INT. HERO’S PENTHOUSE / LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Hero and Villain drink wine. Hero sits on the couch. Villain stands before
him, shirt raised. A steel case sits on the coffee table.

HERO
There’s gotta be a way we can
remove it.

VILLAIN
I don’t know. They told me if I
tried, it would go off.

Villain sits.

VILLAIN
The detonator is at the bottom of
the sea, so I’m sure I’ll be okay.

HERO
Speaking of…
(nods to the steel case)
Thanks for bringing that back.

VILLAIN
Won’t happen again.

Hero yawns. Sit’s upright. Pulls Villain’s diamond from his pocket.

HERO
And this is yours.

Hero pauses.

HERO
I had my girlfriend’s ring in my
utility belt that night.

VILLAIN
The lightning triggered something
in the diamond.

Hero sets it on the table. Leans back. Rubs his eyes.

HERO
Maybe you can be my side kick.

VILLAIN
Fuck that!

HERO
This can be normal. Working
together.

VILLAIN
The snake eventually bites, my
friend.

Hero drinks. Another yawn. Checks his glass. Seeing double. Sighs.

HERO
You poisoned me…

VILLAIN
Only a little.

Hero lowers his glass.

HERO
Aww… I trusted you.

VILLAIN
Don’t worry. You’ll wake up in the
morning.

Hero closes his eyes. Villain stands and straddles Hero’s legs, blocking
our view.

HERO
(groggy as hell)
What are you doing?

Villain steps back. A drawing of a penis is on Hero’s forehead. Hero’s
mouth has fallen open.

Villain lightly slaps Hero’s cheek.

VILLAIN
Oh, before I forget… I got you
something.

He releases a loud FART. Hero curls his nose and tries to push the taste
out of his mouth.

Villain puts Hero’s wine on the coffee table, next to the diamond. He goes
to the front door.

VILLAIN
See ya, Mike.

Villain walks out. Leaves the diamond behind. Door closes.

HERO
(falling into sleep)
See ya, Greg.

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S ACT 4 CLIMAX

What I learned is the climax is the ultimate test of the story! In the beginning Hero and Villain’s powers got switched in a freak accident. They had to go the entire movies trying to figure out how to get them back, or how to work with what they now have. Then the real villain comes in to annihilate them both before there has been a resolution!

INT. VILLAIN’S CAVE / LIVING ROOM – SUNSET

Villain comes out of the bathroom. Clean forehead, fresh change of
clothes. Hero has already washed and changed.

Hero is at the stove, apron, frying chicken breasts.

Villain looks at Hero’s pants. X-ray vision reveals a diamond in Hero’s
pocket. Not a surprise.

VILLAIN
What if this is our life now?
Two broken supers.

HERO
I always thought you had a choice.

VILLAIN
You don’t think you have a choice?

HERO
I don’t know.
(beat)
Eventually the snake bites.

Villain chews his lip.

HERO
You ready to be the Hero?

VILLAIN
I hate everything that’s
happened to me.
(beat)
Except I’ve never had a friend
before.

Hero turns the chicken. He looks at Villain and smiles. A shared
connection.

A VOICE from the cave’s entrance calls their attention.
MAYOR
Gentlemen!

They look. Mayor and Scientist enter. Mayor wears an earpiece that
flashes with a green light. Scientist wheels a large crate behind him.

HERO
Mayor..?

MAYOR
May we come in?

Villain’s face drops. Mayor eyes Hero at the stove.

MAYOR
I hope I’m not interrupting
anything.

HERO
How did you know where he
lives?

MAYOR
He showed me.

Hero looks at Villain. Villain touches his aide.

Scientist opens the crate while Mayor makes his way further in.
He indicates to Hero.

MAYOR
Please, have a seat.

Hero remains standing. He removes his apron and places it over a
dining chair.

HERO
(to Villain)
What’s going on?

Villain swallows hard.

MAYOR
We have a lot of catching up
to do.

Villain opens his mouth to speak. Mayor holds up the detonation
device. Shakes his head.

HERO
Don’t touch him.

Mayor laughs as Scientist pulls out and shoulders a massive
weapon that looks like a rocket-launcher. Points it at Hero.

MAYOR
I’m not here for him.

Hero looks at Villain. Villain looks at the ground.

Scientist makes his way around Hero, aiming the weapon at the
back of his head.

MAYOR
It’s only fair you know why
you’ll be dying.

Mayor paces. Clears his throat. He’s been waiting for this moment.

MAYOR
I have the cleanest city. Lowest
crime-rate in the nation. And
everyone thinks I’m a joke.

Hero furrows his brow.

MAYOR
My city. Your glory.

MAYOR
That lightning strike was meant for
you, but this jackass hit you both.

SCIENTIST
Lightning is very difficult–

MAYOR
Shh! Don’t interrupt my
monologue!

Scientist purses his lips.

MAYOR
Shit. Where was I?
(beat)
Anyway… you could solve every
crime — except one.

HERO
The missing people.

Mayor laughs.

MAYOR
I was going to kill you and
(air quotes)
“find” the missing and
(air quotes)
“rescue” them myself, and finally
these goddamned citizens and
colleagues would take me seriously!

HERO
Where are they?

Mayor taps his head.

MAYOR
The vault.

HERO
I helped you.

MAYOR
You stole my spotlight.

Mayor paces.

MAYOR
But the lightning debacle makes
it even better.
(beat)
If you would have died, the
whole city would have mourned
you. Had a parade. Put up
statues in your honor. But now…
now you’re a mess. You’re a
terror. No one likes you and
they’ll be glad to see you dead.
(beat)
And I’ll be the Hero for defeating
your menacing evil-ass.

Hero clocks Villain. Smoke starts to fill the kitchen.

MAYOR
He knew. He revealed your
weaknesses, and he brought you
here. Just like I told him to.

Villain shakes his head.

HERO
Friend, huh?

VILLAIN
It’s not like that.

MAYOR
And yet here we are.

Hero’s heart breaks. Mayor looks to Scientist.

MAYOR
Now.

A high-pitched SMOKE DETECTOR pierces the air. Mayor and Scientist
look toward the kitchen.

Hero bolts. He runs for the cave opening grabbing Mayor as he runs
out at bullet speed. The detonation device drops to the floor.

Hero runs across the top of the water!

MAYOR
NOT NOW!!!

Scientist shoots!

Lightning hits hero in the back. Mayor screams as he and Hero drop
below the water.

Scientist and Villain share a glance. Scientist points the lightning gun
at Villain. He pulls the trigger. Nothing!

He looks at the weapon. It’s charging!

Scientist releases it, and it swings round the thick strap to his back.

Scientist eyes the detonation device. Villain eyes Scientist.

Villain rushes Scientist, Scientist rushes the device.

Scientist dives for it. Villain dives for Scientist.

INT. THE LAKE – SAME

Hero sinks. Unconscious. Mayor squirms.

Hero holds him as they continue their descent. Hero hits the bottom,
landing on top of Mayor.

Mayor continues squirming. Struggles, and finally worms his way out
of Hero’s grasp.

Hero’s eyes open.

Mayor swims for dear life, but something grabs his foot and pulls him
back down.

INT. CAVE – SAME

Scientist grabs the device and pops the lid open. His finger over the red
button–

Villain grabs Scientist’s hair and smashes his face into the marble, cracking
the floor.

Scientist drops the device. Another crack! And another!

But Scientist laughs!

Villain lifts his head by the hair.

Scientist looks at Villain, with his mangled grin. Ripped skin reveals a metal
skull covered in blood.

Villain stares in horror as one of Scientist’s eyeballs plops out of the socket
and dangles out, bouncing off his dented cheekbone.

SCIENTIST
How long you think he can
hold his breath?

Villain looks up, and outside the cave’s entrance. No sign of Hero.

Villain smashes Scientist’s face into the floor one last time. He
grabs the detonator and runs toward the entrance.

Scientist struggles for his lightning gun. The charge is nearly at full
capacity.

INT. LAKE – SAME

Hero and Mayor hit bottom again. Hero is squeezing the life out of
Mayor. Mayor dies.

Hero lets go. Checks the surface of the water, 30 meters up.

Hero is weak. Struggling. He makes for the top. But he’s too far.

His arms and legs slow.

The water SPLASHES overhead.

Hero’s eyes close, and Villain appears beside him. He embraces Hero
and starts to swim upward.

EXT. THE LAKE – CONTINUOUS

Villain pops out of the water. Pulls Hero to shore. Hero is lifeless.

I<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>NT. CAVE – SAME

The kitchen pan of chicken is now on fire!

Scientist points his gun at the men.

EXT. THE LAKE – SAME

Villain pounds Hero’s chest.

VILLAIN
Come on, Mike!

Hero coughs up water. Villain pulls him up and hugs him.

INT. CAVE – SAME

Scientist fires the gun.

EXT. THE LAKE – SAME

A bolt of LIGHTNING heads straight for Hero and Villain.

Villain tucks his head into Hero’s shoulder and shield’s Hero’s head
with his arm as lightning covers them both.

The diamond emits bright blue in Hero’s pocket.

The dust settles. Villain, still holding onto Hero, lifts his head and
stares into the entrance of his cave.

Villain’s eyes glow red and he aims into the cave. But Scientist is
GONE!

Villain rolls Hero on his side, as Hero vomits more water.

VILLAIN
I think we’re back.

EXT. CITY – DUSK

Hero flies over buildings, carrying Villain. Villain points to the left. An
executive car travels at high speed, weaving through traffic.

Hero scans with X-Ray eyes. Inside the car, Scientist drives. Skin hangs
from his bashed skull.

INT. EXECUTIVE CAR (MOVING) – SAME

Scientist is focused. He checks the rearview mirror. Lifts some flopping
skin.

Through the windshield, Hero and Villain descend, side by side, hard and
fast on the front of the hood.

Scientist sees just as…

EXT. STREET – SAME

The car flips over and over and over, landing on its roof and sliding to a

halt in front of ADVANCED SCIENCE INSTITUTE!

Cars screech to a halt and pedestrians gather to watch as Hero and
Villain pry Scientist from the car.

Scientist kicks and screams as Villain drags him to the lab’s entrance.

A SECURITY GUARD approaches, then thinks better of it.

INT. LAB – SAME

Villain is stuffing Scientist into a lightning chamber. Slams the door
shut and latches it.

Scientist laughs as Hero pushes buttons and pulls the lever.

LIGHTNING fills the chamber. Scientist explodes! Circuits fly, metal
distorts, skin burns up.

Hero pulls back the lever.

Hero and Villain exchange relieved glances.

HERO
We still have the missing
citizens. Now that the Mayor’s
dead…

VILLAIN
I know where they are.

HERO
Let’s go save them together.

Villain shakes his head.

VILLAIN

This one’s all you. Go get your
glory back. We both have
reputations to repair.

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S MONSTER REVEAL TRACK

What I learned is the monster must be revealed at the right time. We need to build suspense and terror and strike at the right time

A. Who is your monster and what is their terror?

Powers? Hallucination, body control, control of nature and surroundings, infiltrates bodies and dreams.

Limitations? Bound to the property (the creek, the tree, backyard, house)

Weaknesses? Actual babies. The house wants a living baby. And it likes Whitney, because she wants to have her baby. The only one the monster spares.

Plan/Purpose/Appetite? Revenge and wanting to raise a living child on their own

B. Sequence the reveals.

Opening/prologue:
– Nature goes nuts for some unknown reason… (the actual reason is that the tree is being disturbed, which the house wants to stay intact.) Darkened skies, high winds, whips tree into a frenzy, freak accidentoccurs. One man is killed, the other maimed.
During 1st Act:
– Shadows in windows (it’s probably Josh, playing games… he has been gone a while…)
– Cell phone service is disturbed
– While the others go to investigate, Olivia stays behind — too afraid

1st Act turning point:
– When Olivia finally does decide to go inside, the tree and creek attack her, drowning her. We will see black muck in the water, and she will be violently drowned. We will see incredible strength.
– At this point the kids do not know that they are unable to leave.

1st half of 2nd Act:
– Shadows on the wall, but more like images… not flat like shadows, but no definition, like 3D objects. Fast, subtle sounds.
– They take over Robert and suffocate him with his own weed smoke.

– Olivia will reappear, inside the house, but we know it’s not really her.
– Friends will see her but she will act weird and wander off in a mysterious room. They ignore it and think she’s just wasted and needs to rest.

Midpoint:

– Josh in the basement, calls Karen and Sarah (who have left Robert because even though he’s down, his pants are down and he moans, so they just want to leave his perverted ass alone).

– While going to see Josh, he’s disfigured and gross! His chest is ripped open! Something rushes out of his chest after them!

– Moans, ripping, guttural sounds

– Grabbing legs, strangulation

2nd half of 2nd Act:
– The monster is terrorizing the three remaining characters. “Olivia” leads them to a room of religious horrors.
– David is crushed!

3rd Act:
– Johnny, from the beginning, now an old man, is in the house! But how?? (It let him in).

– He tells the surviving kids, Marcus and Whitney that it wants her baby!

– Marcus kills Johnny himself (out of hysteria) and leaves Whitney behind! Sees the door open and bolts!

– Whitney screams as “Olivia” descends!

– The house has let him out though, and when he is outside, the tree and the creek will murder him in the worst ways!

– The door will SLAM shut!

Resolution:

– Whitney will be restrained in some way, I’m imagining her on a cross in the room of religion. And “Olivia” will be tending to her, ensuring that her baby is born.

C. Create Demand for each clue/reveal.

Added to outline below:

ACT 1 – THE SETUP FOR HORROR
Atmosphere of Evil established: 1950s Father and son landscapers to a house to remove a tree. Wind picks up, sky darkens, the tree is ominous, landscaping equipment not working right.
Horror Situation: Father is killed by machinery and son, Johnny, is maimed, loses an arm… at “the hands” of the tree. #Monster Reveal
Reaction – Escape: A housemaid screams and runs inside. A nun watches from an upstairs window. The son escapes.
Horror Situation: The tree and creek are haunted.
Connect with the characters: Present day. The house and grounds have been abandoned for decades. David tells of the urban legend of the grounds are haunted. He entices his friends to have a party there… in a “ghost-story environment.
Denial of Horror: They stop by a convenience store, and an old one-armed homeless crazy guy (Johnny) tells them not to go. Begs them… they laugh at the crazy old man and assure him they will be fine.
Horror Situation: Josh wants to graffiti the house. Starts on the outside, but a door creaks open. He goes inside….
Reaction: After a while, the kids wonder what’s up with Josh. They investigate. They feel uneasy, but push past it. They see the open door. They go in. Except Olivia She don’t want to go in that creepy old house. #Monster Reveal
Denial of Horror: Olivia is getting scared. She hears noises, voices. The forest beyond the creek is freaking her out. #Monster Reveal
Safety taken away: Olivia is nervous, calls out for her friends; no answer. She contemplates going into the house. She tries to occupy herself with music on her phone. It’s not working right. Tries to call David, but there’s no signal.
Reaction: She finally decides to go inside.
Character Death: – The tree grabs her and drowns her in the creek, in a very believable and horrifying way. OLIVIA DOWN #Monster Reveal

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN
Isolated / Trapped / Abducted: The kids in the house haven’t realized they aren’t able to leave.
Horror Situation: No one knows where Josh is, but asshole Marcus thinks it’s fun to scare people in dark corners.
Denial: Still no sign of Josh, the kids continue partying. (Whitney, Marcus, David)
Reaction: Robert has plans. He takes Karen upstairs to investigate and comes on to her. She is less than interested. Sarah comes in. Now Karen is interested.
Horror Situation: Robert smokes a blunt and starts to pleasure himself while watching the girls make out. A disgusting shape appears on the ceiling. #Monster Reveal
Horror situation: CUT TO – Dead Olivia appears in the back doorway. #Monster Reveal
Denial: The kids think she’s super high. She goes to a dark room down the hall.
Horror situation: Back in the bedroom. Robert’s own smoke fills his lungs and refuses to let him exhale. #Monster Reveal
Denial: The girls think he’s messing enjoying himself with his grunts and moans, so they ignore him.
Character Death: Robert dies right in front of them. ROBERT DOWN
Denial: The girls think he passed out.
Reaction: Karen and Sarah leave.
(Pivotal Moment): Whitney and Marcus talk. She tells him she’s pregnant. He is not happy.
Horror Situation: Noises rom the basement. It’s Josh! He calls for Karen and Sarah to come down. He sounds funny. Odd. #Monster Reveal.
(Pivotal Moment): Johnny will have a dream in which Olivia reveals to him that Whitney is pregnant. #Monster Reveal. Johnny feels compelled to help.

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR
Reaction: Karen and Sarah investigate, carefully; cautiously.
Horror Situation: Karen and Sarah see Josh is disfigured and gross. JOSH DOWN #Monster Reveal
Reaction: They make a run for it.
Horror Situation: Sarah lags behind and Karen throws her down the basement stairs.
Character Death: Sarah gets mauled. SARAH DOWN #Monster Reveal
Reaction: Karen tries to get out of the basement.
Horror Situation: Karen falls through a stair that breaks (the monster pulls her through) #Monster Reveal
Character Death: Karen is hung by the monster (an umbilical cord???). KAREN DOWN #Monster Reveal
Horror Situation: David, Whitney, and Marcus hide in a room. It’s an old religious room, alter, candles, creepy statues. Whitney has always been protected!
Character Death: Olivia kills David. Crushes him. DAVID DOWN #Monster Reveal.
Horror Situation: Johnny appears in the doorway of the religious room, and Marcus freaks out… why is Johnny there? To try and help? Who knows, because Marcus kills him. JOHNNY DOWN
The thrilling escape from Death: The door remains open and Marcus makes a run for it.
Release: We think Marcus is on this way out, but the tree grabs him.
Character Death: The tree mangles the shit out of him. MARCUS DOWN. #Monster Reveal.
Horror Situation: Olivia SLAMS the door to the house. #Monster Reveal.
Resolution: Whitney is inside. A captive. Being kept alive by “Olivia” for the sake of her unborn child, which the house wants. #Monster Reveal.

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S ACT 4 FIRST SCENE

What I learned is the protagonist I started with ended up being a co-protagonist and the actual antagonist turned out to be someone else. Figuring out my dilemma for Villain helped me to redirect my climax.

INT. VILLAIN’S CAVE / LIVING ROOM – LATE AFTERNOON

Villain comes out of the bathroom. Clean forehead, fresh change of
clothes. Hero has already washed and changed.

Hero is at the stove, apron, frying chicken breasts.

Villain looks at Hero’s pants. X-ray vision reveals a diamond in Hero’s
pocket. Not a surprise.

VILLAIN
What if this is our life now?
Two broken supers.

HERO
I always thought you had a
choice.

VILLAIN
You don’t think you have a
choice?

HERO
I don’t know.
(beat)
Eventually the snake bites.

Villain chews his lip.

HERO (CONT’D)
You ready to be the Hero?

VILLAIN
I hate everything that’s
happened to me.
(beat)
Except I’ve never had a friend
before.

Hero turns the chicken. He looks at Villain and smiles. A shared
connection.

A VOICE from the cave’s entrance calls their attention.

MAYOR
Gentlemen!

Hero and Villain look. Mayor and Scientist enter. Mayor wears an
earpiece that flashes with a green light. Scientist wheels a large
crate behind him.

HERO
Mayor..?

MAYOR
May we come in?

Villain’s face drops. Mayor eyes Hero at the stove.

MAYOR (CONT’D)
I hope I’m not interrupting
anything.

HERO
How did you know where he
lives?

MAYOR
He showed me.

Hero looks at Villain. Villain touches his aide.

Scientist opens the crate while Mayor makes his way further in. He
indicates to Hero.

MAYOR (CONT’D)
Please, have a seat.

Hero remains standing. He removes his apron and places it over a
dining chair.

HERO
(to Villain)
What’s going on?

Villain swallows hard.

MAYOR
We have a lot of catching up
to do.

Villain opens his mouth to speak. Mayor holds up the detonation
device. Shakes his head.

HERO
Don’t touch him.

Mayor laughs as Scientist pulls out a mystery device. Points it at
Hero.

MAYOR
I’m not here for him.

Hero looks at Villain. Villain looks at the ground.

Scientist makes his way around Hero, aiming the device at the back
of his head.

MAYOR (CONT’D)
It’s only fair you know why
you’ll be dying.

Mayor paces. Clears his throat. He’s been waiting for this moment.

MAYOR
I have the cleanest city. Lowest
crime-rate in the nation. And
everyone thinks I’m a joke.

Hero furrows his brow.

MAYOR (CONT’D)
My city. Your glory.

MAYOR (CONT’D)
That lightning strike was meant
for you, but this jackass hit you
both.

SCIENTIST
Lightning is very difficult–

MAYOR
Shh! Don’t interrupt my
monologue!

Scientist purses his lips.

MAYOR (CONT’D)
Shit. Where was I?
(beat)
Anyway… you could solve every
crime — except one.

HERO
The missing people.

Mayor laughs.

MAYOR
I was going to kill you and
(air quotes)
“find” the missing and
(air quotes)
“rescue” them myself, and
finally these goddamned citizens
and colleagues would take me
seriously!

HERO
I helped you.

MAYOR
You stole my spotlight.

Mayor paces.

MAYOR
But the lightning debacle makes
it even better.
(beat)
If you would have died, the
whole city would have mourned
you. Had a parade. Put up
statues in your honor. But
now… now you’re a mess.
You’re a terror. No one likes
you and they’ll be glad to see
you dead.
(beat)
And I’ll be the Hero for
defeating your newfound
evil-ass.

Hero clocks Villain. Smoke starts to fill the kitchen.

MAYOR
He knew. He revealed your
weakness, and he brought
you here.

Villain shakes his head.

HERO
Friend, huh?

VILLAIN
I had no choice.

MAYOR
You always had a choice.

Hero’s heart breaks. Mayor looks to Scientist.

MAYOR
Now.

A high-pitched SMOKE DETECTOR pierces the air. Hero and
Scientist look.

Hero bolts. He runs for the cave opening grabbing Mayor as he
runs out at bullet speed. The detonation device drops to the floor.

Hero runs across the top of the water!

MAYOR
NOT NOW!!!

Scientist shoots!

LIGHTNING hits hero in the back! Mayor screams as he and Hero
drop below the water.

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S COMPLETED ACT 3

What I learned is I need to push through no matter what. Expect 20% quality in a first draft. I let a roadblock stop me and I should have pressed on because I had my outline and other scenes mapped out in my head.

Thankfully, I had a breakthrough and this allowed me continue. But I can’t let those slow me down!

INT. HERO’S PENTHOUSE / LIVING ROOM – SUNSET

Hero is pacing the floor, annoyed. Chugging a beer. A KNOCK.

Hero opens the door. It’s Villain. Looks distressed.

HERO
(pissed)
What happened to you?

Villain holds the right side of his abdomen.

VILLAIN
Nothing.

HERO
You look like shit.

Hero walks away, leaves Villain standing in the doorway. Villain
lumbers in.

HERO (CONT’D)
You with the Mayor this whole
time? What’d you talk about?

VILLAIN
I was trying to fly.

Hero laughs.

HERO
Without me?

VILLAIN
It’s obvious we’re not changing
back.

HERO
Take me to your house.

Villain almost seems startled.

VILLAIN
No.

Hero stops. Baffled.

HERO
No?

Villain steps in. Closes the door.

VILLAIN
I need to lie down.

Villain ambles gingerly to the couch. Lays back. Hero goes to the
kitchen, grabs a beer.

Villain lifts his shirt. Reveals a three-inch wound on his right side.
It’s inflamed. Sutured. Looks fresh and painful. He touches it.
Winces.

Hero comes back with two beers and Villain quickly pulls his shirt
down. Hero holds a beer out to him.

HERO
Lemme see.

Villain chugs.

VILLAIN
It’s nothing.

Hero goes to the window.

VILLAIN
Why do you want to go to my
house?

Hero stares out at the city.

HERO
It’s only fair. You’ve seen where
I live. I wanna know where you
live.

Hero drinks. Villain is silent. Hero turns back around.

HERO
I’m changing. And I hate it.

VILLAIN
You’ll get used to it. Might even
like it.

Villain drinks.

HERO
That’s why I hate it.

INT. MAYOR’S OFFICE – SAME

Mayor sits at his desk. Scientist on the other side. Both men
leaning forward eagerly, listening, as Hero and Villain’s voice come
through a speaker on an instrument panel. A green light flashes.

HERO (V.O.)
I’m changing. And I hate it.

VILLAIN (V.O.)
You’ll get used to it. Might even
like it.

Villain drinks.

HERO (V.O.)
That’s why I hate it.

Scientist slides an earpiece across the desk.

SCIENTIST
For on the go.

He hands Mayor a thin three-inch stick. It’s sleek, simple.

SCIENTIST (CONT’D)
You hear anything you don’t like…
if you think he’s writing… anything
that makes you doubt him, push
the button.

Mayor flicks open the device with his thumb. The top third pops
open, revealing a tiny red button.

SCIENTIST (CONT’D)
Don’t play with it.

Mayor sighs. Closes the lid with a SNAP.

INT. HERO’S PENTHOUSE / LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Villain lays on the couch. Asleep.

A soft noise come from Hero’s bathroom. Sounds like a child
playing in the tub.

Villain stirs.

INT. BATHROOM – SAME

Hero sits in a full tub of water. He immerses his head forward. He
lifts his head. Coughs. Chokes.

On repeat.

INT. MAYOR’S BEDROOM – SAME

Mayor sleeps on his back. Snores.

The speaker on Mayor’s nightstand sits quiet. A solid red light

holds. Mayor snores.

Then the red light goes out. A green light begins flashing slowly.

The speaker turns on.

The Mayor sleeps.

Soon, the sounds of water splashing and muffled coughs come
through the speaker.

Mayor snorts and roll on his side.

INT. HERO’S PENTHOUSE / BEDROOM

Villain stands outside the Master bathroom doorway, listening to
Hero lifting his head from the water and coughing on the other
side of the door.

Villain drops his eyes. Touches his abdomen.

INT. HERO’S PENTHOUSE / MORNING

Hero an Villain finish breakfast. Half-eaten toast on their plates.

VILLAIN
What if we switch suits?

HERO
It’s not the suit.

Villain gives a look. Should at least try.

HERO (CONT’D)
You can see through things,
can’t you?

Villain nods. Takes his plate to the sink. Hero takes out a pack of
cigarettes, removes one.

HERO (CONT’D)
Not the suit.

Villain turns back around. Hero lights up.

VILLAIN
What the fuck is that?

HERO
What’s it look like?

Hero takes a drag as Villain comes back to the table.

VILLAIN
I don’t smoke.

Hero blows out. Takes another.

VILLAIN (CONT’D)
Your body is a temple.

HERO
My body. Is. Shit.

Villain rips the cigarette from Hero’s mouth as he goes for another
drag.

HERO
What the f–

VILLAIN
We’re going to my house.

EXT. STREET – MORNING

Hero and Villain step out side by side in the path of an oncoming
Metro bus.

INT. BUS – SAME

A CONFUSED DRIVER brakes and PASSENGERS MURMUR. He
opens the doors and Hero steps in, Villain in tow.

HERO
I’m commandeering this bus.

The Confused Driver contorts his head.

CONFUSED DRIVER
Why?

A LONE PASSENGER (30s), male, in the farthest seat, points and
laughs.

LONE PASSENGER
Because he can’t fly!
Hero turns his head to the rider.

VILLAIN
(to the driver)
You’re gonna want to get off
the bus.

He starts after Hero. Hero closes in on the passenger, who has
frozen in fear. The others scatter and flee the bus.

Villain grabs the back of Hero’s collar and pulls him forcefully
backward.

Laser eyes carve into the ceiling of the bus as Hero’s line of sight is
pulled away by Villain.

The driver rushes out.

The passenger grabs his backpack and climbs over seats and rails
to get by.

Hero turns around to Villain. Enraged.

VILLAIN (CONT’D)
Control yourself!

Hero throws a punch, an uppercut to the jaw.

The passenger gives one last glance and a whimper as he bolts
from the bus.

EXT. BUS – SAME

The passengers watch as Hero and Villain duke it out: Villain
dragging Hero down the aisle, Hero flipping Villain over his
shoulder. Glass shatters. The sides of the bus getting dented
outward. More lasers shear the bus in half as onlookers scream
and run for cover.

INT. BUS – SAME

Hero and Villain on their asses. Hero holds Villain in a headlock in
the aisle.

VILLAIN
Look at yourself!

Hero relaxes and Villain pushes away. He stands and takes in all
the damage.

VILLAIN (CONT’D)
Look what you did!

Hero sits there, looking at his feet.

Villain rushes in and straddles Hero, throwing him on his back and
forcing his head up. Villain holds Hero’s neck so Hero’s face stares
upward. The ceiling of the bus completely parted, revealing bright
blue sky.

Villain grabs Hero’s collar and jerks him in.

VILLAIN (CONT’D)
You’re not becoming the Villain,
you’re becoming an asshole!

Hero pushes Villain away. Villain stands.

EXT. STREET – MORNING

Villain steps in the path of an oncoming Metro bus. Through the
windshield, the SCARED DRIVER brakes.

As Villain approaches, driver and passengers flee, and gather.

Villain indicates the all clear, and steps on.

Hero steps out from a corner and passengers GASP relived sighs.

PASSENGER 1 PASSENGER 2
Thank God! We’re saved!

Hero gets on the bus and the doors close.

The sign switches to OUT OF SERVICE and the bus drives off.

PASSENGER 1
What the hell?

INT. MAYOR’S OFFICE – DAY

Mayor and Scientist listen to the speaker.

VILLAIN (V.O.)
You’re falling apart. You’re
becoming everything this shit
town thinks you are.

HERO
Just shut up and drive.

Mayor turns down the volume. Smiles ear to ear.

SCIENTIST
Looks like your problem is
solving itself.

Mayor’s smile fades.

MAYOR
If you had done it right, I
wouldn’t have a problem that
needed to solve itself.

SCIENTIST
Well obviously, it didn’t kill him.
This is probably the better
outcome.

Mayor opens a desk drawer. Pulls out two small brown burlap bags.

MAYOR
You still failed.

He tosses a burlap bag to Scientist.

MAYOR (CONT’D)
Time for lunch.

INT. DIMLY LIT ROOM – DAY

A windowless room, with handing lights.

Four occupants: a Black Woman, Blonde Man, Asian Woman,
Male Latino, Bearded Hipster. All the missing citizens.

Bearded Hipster paces. Black woman and Asian Woman play cards
at a card table. Male Latino and Blonde Man roll dice against a wall.

In one corner, a toilet and single shower, with a hospital curtain
and a drain build into the ground.

A NOISE calls their attention. The muffled sound of a door opening.
Another door, closer, louder. And finally, their door.

Scientist enters, am AR-15 leading the way, a burlap bag with
eyeholes over his head. No one moves.

Mayor follows. A bag over his head, carrying five sack lunches. He
closes the door behind him and starts tossing paper bags at his
guests.

A bag lands at Bearded Hipster’s feet. It tears, and the contents
spill out: A ham sandwich, an apple, bag of chips, bottled water.

BEARDED HIPSTER
I told you I’m organic, vegan,
gluten-free and keto.

MAYOR
I have no idea what any of that is.

BEARDED HIPSTER
It means I can’t eat this.

MAYOR
There’s water.

BEARDED HIPSTER
Bottled water is bad for the
environment.

The others groan at him as they open their lunches.

MAYOR
Your toilet water is straight
from the city.

BLONDE MAN
Just eat it, hippy. You’re gonna
starve.

The Black Woman stands. Scientist point the AR-15 at her.

BLACK WOMAN
People are looking for us.

Mayor laughs.

MAYOR
No one will find you.

ASIAN MAN
Hero will.

Mayor laughs harder.

MAYOR
Your hero is dead.

The prisoners GASP in terror.

Mayor opens the door. Leaves. Scientist backs out. The door shuts. Locks.

EXT. THE LAKE – DAY

Hero and Villain stand at the water’s edge. The Metro bus parked
behind them.

HERO
Thought you were taking me
to your house.

VILLAIN
Later.

HERO
Teach me to walk.

Villain shakes his head. Walks into the water, his back to Hero.

VILLAIN
First, you swim.

Hero takes reluctant steps into the lake.

BEGIN MONTAGE

[PLACEHOLDER]

END MONTAGE.

INT. VILLAIN’S CAVE – DAY

Villain and Hero at the entrance.

The lake stretches out beyond the cave’s opening. Hero looks
around.

The cave is modern, wide-open, luxurious. The walls are natural,
sparking randomly with diamonds.

Hero examines a wall of paintings, stands in front of a case filled
with artifacts. Hero stares with a mixture of awe and angst.

VILLAIN
Beautiful, isn’t it?

Hero picks up a vase. Caresses it. Its value is obvious.

HERO
Why do you do it?

Villain picks up a trinket with the same care.

VILLAIN
Why does the snake bite?

Hero puts down the vase. Looks further on. He goes to a cave wall
and runs his hand down it, tracing his finger over a diamond.

HERO
Because it does.

VILLAIN
You gotta keep fighting it.

Hero picks at the diamond.

VILLAIN (CONT’D)
It’s not who you are.

Hero turns.

HERO
What’s your name?

Villain pauses. The question hits him hard.

VILLAIN
No one’s ever asked me that.

HERO
I am.

VILLAIN
Greg.

LATER – NIGHT

Villain and Hero sit in chairs, across from each other, in front of a
roaring fireplace, drinking wine, laughing like old friends.

INT. MAYOR’S OFFICE – SAME

Mayor and Scientist listen to the speaker. Mayor stares at Scientist,
confused, as Scientist watches the speaker like it’s a TV. Light jazz
emits softly in the background.

HERO (V.O.)
SAYS SOMETHING FUNNY.

VILLAIN (V.O.)
SAYS SOMETHING FUNNY

Both men laugh.

VILLAIN (V.O.)
To super powers.

HERO (V.O.)
To super powers.

The sound of wine glasses CLINKING together.

MAYOR
What the hell are they doing?

Scientist finally turns his gaze. Stares matter-of-factly at Mayor.

SCIENTIST
I think they’re becoming friends.

INT. VILLAIN’S CAVE – SAME

HERO
You ever ask yourself “why me?”

VILLAIN
No.

HERO
Me neither. Except now.

Hero looks off in the distance, at nothing in particular.

HERO (CONT’D)
I never questioned who I was,
or why I was, until I lost
everything.

VILLAIN
You haven’t lost everything.

HERO
No one cares about me unless
I’m Hero.

Villain looks at the floor. Has no words.

VILLAIN
I’m proud of you.

Hero furrows his brow.

VILLAIN (CONT’D)
You’re still fighting. You still
care about them.

Villain raises a glass to Hero.

VILLAIN
And you learned how to swim
today.

Hero doesn’t seem to care for the victory.

HERO
Almost.

VILLAIN
More practice tomorrow.

A beat.

VILLAIN (CONT’D)

What’s your name?

Hero chuckles.

HERO
You know, no one’s ever asked
me either.

Villain scoffs.

VILLAIN
Come on. What about your
girlfriend?

Hero shakes his head.

HERO
Mike.

Villain nods. Another raise of the glass.

VILLAIN
Nice to meet you, Mike.

Hero raises his glass.

HERO
Nice to meet you, Greg.

Glasses CLINK and they drink. Hero sits up, alert.

HERO (CONT’D)
Hey, I got you something!

Villain blinks, surprised. Hero leans in. Villain also leans in.

Hero reaches behind his back and lefts his right leg. He lets out a
loud FART as he presents and empty hand to Villain.

Villain recoils; gags. Hero laughs.

HERO (CONT’D)
You think I got you a present?

Villain shakes his head and waves an arm in front of his face.

VILLAIN
Ugh, I tasted it!

Hero nods, proud of himself and sits back, satisfied as Villain chugs
wine.

INT. VILLAIN’S CAVE – MORNING

Villain sleeps. A penis sketched on his forehead. He wakes to the
sound of splashing water and frustrated grunts come from outside.

He turns to the cave’s entrance, past his couch with a pillow and
crumpled sheets. He sees Hero dunking going under water and
bobbing back up.

EXT. CAVE – MORNING

Villain watches, holding a steaming cup of coffee.
VILLAIN
How long you been up?

Hero turns around.

HERO
Not long.

VILLAIN
I have an idea.

EXT. A CLIFF – DAY

Hero and Villain stand atop a cliff. Boxer shorts, undershirts. Lake
below. They stand at the very edge. The penis is still on Villain’s
forehead.

Hero’s arm is extended.

Villain scans the water. X-ray vision reveals a steel case about a mile
out, and 30 meters down. His face is void of expression.

Hero nudges him.

HERO
Concentrate.

Villain extends his arm; closes his eyes.

HERO (CONT’D)
You are part of the sky. And
the sky is part of you.

Villain peeks.

VILLAIN
Is this what you do?

HERO
No, I just fucking do it. But I
don’t know how to make you
do it. Concentrate.

Villain closes his eyes.

VILLAIN
I am the sky.

Hero looks forward. Closes his eyes.

HERO
(to himself)
I am the sky.

VILLAIN
The sky is me.

HERO
Three…

VILLAIN
Do I jump?

Hero snaps out of his chi.

HERO
No, just lean. Forcefully.

VILLAIN
Lean.

HERO
Forcefully.

Hero brings his arm back up. Closes his eyes. Takes a deep breath.
Villain duplicates.

VILLAIN
I am the sky.

HERO
Three… two…

Hero and Villain lean forward with force and they sail to the water
like boulders.

SPLASH!

INT. LAKE – CONTINUOUS

Hero and Villain stare at each other underwater. Villain brings his
hands to his face, indicating a deep breath, while holding his own.

Hero closes his eyes. Trying to “be the water.” He inhales, then
shakes his head and swims to the surface.

EXT. LAKE – CONTINUOUS

Villain pops up. Hero is coughing. They tread.

HERO
If you fail, you still live. If I fail,
I drown.

VILLAIN
I don’t know of another way.

Hero dog-paddles to shore. Villain follows.

Hero sits on the ground, legs pulled to his chest as Villain emerges
from the water.

HERO
What’s that?

Villain follows Hero’s line of sight — to his abdomen! The right side
of Villain’s undershirt is raised. The wound is healed, but the staples
remain.

Villain pulls the shirt down.

VILLAIN
I don’t want to talk about it.
(beat)
Come on, we need to try again.

HERO
You got something–

Hero points to his own brow. Villain rubs his forehead, smearing
the penis a little.

VILLAIN
I get it?

Hero half nods.

HERO
Eh.

EXT. A CLIFF – DAY

Hero and Villain run off the top of the cliff. They WHOOT! and
jump off the edge, cannon-ball style. Creating massive splashes!

INT. MAYOR’S OFFICE – SAME

Mayor stands. Angry.

WHOOTS and splashing come from the speaker.

MAYOR
I’ve had enough. Let’s go.

Scientist nods. Stands. Reluctant.

INT. VILLAIN’S CAVE / BATHROOM – LATE AFTERNOON

Villain’s bent over a sink, scrubbing his forehead. He pops up and
checks the mirror. Loofa in hand.

The penis is nearly gone, just the edge of some balls remain.

Villain brings the loofa up and scrubs some more.

But his eyes notice something by the mirror.

Several diamonds scattered in the wall. One has been dug out.

Villain traces his finger over the small crater. His eyes showing his
disappointment.

HERO (O.S.)
More than two shakes and
you’re playing with it!

Villain keeps scrubbing.

INT. VILLAIN’S CAVE / LIVING ROOM – LATE AFTERNOON

Villain comes out of the bathroom. Clean forehead, fresh change of
clothes. Hero has already washed and changed.

Hero is at the stove, apron, frying chicken breasts.

Villain looks at Hero’s pants. X-ray vision reveals a diamond in Hero’s
pocket. Not a surprise.

VILLAIN
What if this is our life now?
Two broken supers.

HERO
I always thought you had a
choice.

VILLAIN

You don’t think you have a
choice?

HERO
I don’t know.
(beat)
Eventually the snake bites.

Villain chews his lip.

HERO (CONT’D)
You ready to be the Hero?

VILLAIN
I hate everything that’s
happened to me.
(beat)
Except I’ve never had a friend
before.

Hero turns the chicken. He looks at Villain and smiles. A shared
connection.

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S ACT 3 TURNING POINT

What I learned is that this is not just a transition to the final act; this is where my protagonist hits their lowest low.

Here, Hero is stealing… becoming a Villain.

INT. VILLAIN’S CAVE / LIVING ROOM – LATE AFTERNOON

Villain comes out of the bathroom. Clean forehead, fresh change of
clothes. Hero has already washed and changed.

Hero is at the stove, apron, frying chicken breasts.

Villain looks at Hero’s pants. X-ray vision reveals a diamond in Hero’s
pocket. Not a surprise.

VILLAIN
What if this is our life now?
Two broken supers.

HERO
I always thought you had a
choice.

VILLAIN

You don’t think you have a
choice?

HERO
I don’t know.
(beat)
Eventually the snake bites.

Villain chews his lip.

HERO (CONT’D)
You ready to be the Hero?

VILLAIN
I hate everything that’s
happened to me.
(beat)
Except I’ve never had a friend
before.

Hero turns the chicken. He looks at Villain and smiles. A shared
connection.

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S ACT 3 MIDDLE SCENES

What I learned is that the middle of Act 3 turns the story to a new direction and heightens the stakes.

These middle scenes follow Villain after his meeting with the Mayor. We learn Villain is being tracked by the Mayor. The Mayor is corrupt, Hero can’t stop spiraling into evil, and Villain and Hero’s friendship has grown deeper.

INT. MAYOR’S OFFICE – SAME

Mayor sits at his desk. Scientist on the other side. Both men
leaning forward eagerly, listening, as Hero and Villain’s voice come
through a speaker on an instrument panel. A green light flashes.

HERO (V.O.)
I’m changing. And I hate it.

VILLAIN (V.O.)
You’ll get used to it. Might even
like it.

Villain drinks.

HERO (V.O.)
That’s why I hate it.

Scientist slides an earpiece across the desk.

SCIENTIST
For on the go.

He hands Mayor a thin three-inch stick. It’s sleek, simple.

SCIENTIST (CONT’D)
You hear anything you don’t like…
if you think he’s writing… anything
that makes you doubt him, push
the button.

Mayor flicks open the device with his thumb. The top third pops
open, revealing a tiny red button.

SCIENTIST (CONT’D)
Don’t play with it.

Mayor sighs. Closes the lid with a SNAP.

INT. HERO’S PENTHOUSE / LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Villain lays on the couch. Asleep.

A soft noise come from Hero’s bathroom. Sounds like a child
playing in the tub.

Villain stirs.

INT. BATHROOM – SAME

Hero sits in a full tub of water. He immerses his head forward. He
lifts his head. Coughs. Chokes.

On repeat.

INT. MAYOR’S BEDROOM – SAME

Mayor sleeps on his back. Snores.

The speaker on Mayor’s nightstand sits quiet. A solid red light

holds. Mayor snores.

Then the red light goes out. A green light begins flashing slowly.

The speaker turns on.

The Mayor sleeps.

Soon, the sounds of water splashing and muffled coughs come
through the speaker.

Mayor snorts and roll on his side.

INT. HERO’S PENTHOUSE / BEDROOM

Villain stands outside the Master bathroom doorway, listening to
Hero lifting his head from the water and coughing on the other
side of the door.

Villain drops his eyes. Touches his abdomen.

INT. HERO’S PENTHOUSE / MORNING

Hero an Villain finish breakfast. Half-eaten toast on their plates.

VILLAIN
What if we switch suits?

HERO
It’s not the suit.

Villain gives a look. Should at least try.

HERO (CONT’D)
You can see through things,
can’t you?

Villain nods. Takes his plate to the sink. Hero takes out a pack of
cigarettes, removes one.

HERO (CONT’D)
Not the suit.

Villain turns back around. Hero lights up.

VILLAIN
What the fuck is that?

HERO
What’s it look like?

Hero takes a drag as Villain comes back to the table.

VILLAIN
I don’t smoke.

Hero blows out. Takes another.

VILLAIN (CONT’D)
Your body is a temple.

HERO
My body. Is. Shit.

Villain rips the cigarette from Hero’s mouth as he goes for another
drag.

HERO
What the f–

VILLAIN
We’re going to my house.

EXT. STREET – MORNING

Hero and Villain step out side by side in the path of an oncoming
Metro bus.

INT. BUS – SAME

A CONFUSED DRIVER brakes and PASSENGERS MURMUR. He
opens the doors and Hero steps in, Villain in tow.

HERO
I’m commandeering this bus.

The Confused Driver contorts his head.

CONFUSED DRIVER
Why?

A LONE PASSENGER (30s), male, in the farthest seat, points and
laughs.

LONE PASSENGER
Because he can’t fly!
Hero turns his head to the rider.

VILLAIN
(to the driver)
You’re gonna want to get off
the bus.

He starts after Hero. Hero closes in on the passenger, who has
frozen in fear. The others scatter and flee the bus.

Villain grabs the back of Hero’s collar and pulls him forcefully
backward.

Laser eyes carve into the ceiling of the bus as Hero’s line of sight is
pulled away by Villain.

The driver rushes out.

The passenger grabs his backpack and climbs over seats and rails
to get by.

Hero turns around to Villain. Enraged.

VILLAIN (CONT’D)
Control yourself!

Hero throws a punch, an uppercut to the jaw.

The passenger gives one last glance and a whimper as he bolts
from the bus.

EXT. BUS – SAME

The passengers watch as Hero and Villain duke it out: Villain
dragging Hero down the aisle, Hero flipping Villain over his
shoulder. Glass shatters. The sides of the bus getting dented
outward. More lasers shear the bus in half as onlookers scream
and run for cover.

INT. BUS – SAME

Hero and Villain on their asses. Hero holds Villain in a headlock in
the aisle.

VILLAIN
Look at yourself!

Hero relaxes and Villain pushes away. He stands and takes in all
the damage.

VILLAIN (CONT’D)
Look what you did!

Hero sits there, looking at his feet.

Villain rushes in and straddles Hero, throwing him on his back and
forcing his head up. Villain holds Hero’s neck so Hero’s face stares
upward. The ceiling of the bus completely parted, revealing bright
blue sky.

Villain grabs Hero’s collar and jerks him in.

VILLAIN (CONT’D)
You’re not becoming the Villain,
you’re becoming an asshole!

Hero pushes Villain away. Villain stands.

EXT. STREET – MORNING

Villain steps in the path of an oncoming Metro bus. Through the
windshield, the SCARED DRIVER brakes.

As Villain approaches, driver and passengers flee, and gather.

Villain indicates the all clear, and steps on.

Hero steps out from a corner and passengers GASP relived sighs.

PASSENGER 1 PASSENGER 2
Thank God! We’re saved!

Hero gets on the bus and the doors close.

The sign switches to OUT OF SERVICE and the bus drives off.

PASSENGER 1
What the hell?

INT. MAYOR’S OFFICE – DAY

Mayor and Scientist listen to the speaker.

VILLAIN (V.O.)
You’re falling apart. You’re
becoming everything this shit
town thinks you are.

HERO
Just shut up and drive.

Mayor turns down the volume. Smiles ear to ear.

SCIENTIST
Looks like your problem is
solving itself.

Mayor’s smile fades.

MAYOR
If you had done it right, I
wouldn’t have a problem that
needed to solve itself.

SCIENTIST
Well obviously, it didn’t kill him.
This is probably the better
outcome.

Mayor opens a desk drawer. Pulls out two small brown burlap bags.

MAYOR
You still failed.

He tosses a burlap bag to Scientist.

MAYOR (CONT’D)
Time for lunch.

INT. DIMLY LIT ROOM – DAY

A windowless room, with handing lights.

Four occupants: a Black Woman, Blonde Man, Asian Woman,
Male Latino, Bearded Hipster. All the missing citizens.

Bearded Hipster paces. Black woman and Asian Woman play cards
at a card table. Male Latino and Blonde Man roll dice against a wall.

In one corner, a toilet and single shower, with a hospital curtain
and a drain build into the ground.

A NOISE calls their attention. The muffled sound of a door opening.
Another door, closer, louder. And finally, their door.

Scientist enters, am AR-15 leading the way, a burlap bag with
eyeholes over his head. No one moves.

Mayor follows. A bag over his head, carrying five sack lunches. He
closes the door behind him and starts tossing paper bags at his
guests.

A bag lands at Bearded Hipster’s feet. It tears, and the contents
spill out: A ham sandwich, an apple, bag of chips, bottled water.

BEARDED HIPSTER
I told you I’m organic, vegan,
gluten-free and keto.

MAYOR
I have no idea what any of that is.

BEARDED HIPSTER
It means I can’t eat this.

MAYOR
There’s water.

BEARDED HIPSTER
Bottled water is bad for the
environment.

The others groan at him as they open their lunches.

MAYOR
Your toilet water is straight
from the city.

BLONDE MAN
Just eat it, hippy. You’re gonna
starve.

The Black Woman stands. Scientist point the AR-15 at her.

BLACK WOMAN
People are looking for us.

Mayor laughs.

MAYOR
No one will find you.

ASIAN MAN
Hero will.

Mayor laughs harder.

MAYOR
Your hero is dead.

The prisoners GASP in terror.

Mayor opens the door. Leaves. Scientist backs out. The door shuts. Locks.

EXT. THE LAKE – DAY

Hero and Villain stand at the water’s edge. The Metro bus parked
behind them.

HERO
Thought you were taking me
to your house.

VILLAIN
Later.

HERO
Teach me to walk.

Villain shakes his head. Walks into the water, his back to Hero.

VILLAIN
First, you swim.

Hero takes reluctant steps into the lake.

BEGIN MONTAGE

[PLACEHOLDER]

END MONTAGE.

INT. VILLAIN’S CAVE – DAY

Villain and Hero at the entrance.

The lake stretches out beyond the cave’s opening. Hero looks
around.

The cave is modern, wide-open, luxurious. The walls are natural,
sparking randomly with diamonds.

Hero examines a wall of paintings, stands in front of a case filled
with artifacts. Hero stares with a mixture of awe and angst.

VILLAIN
Beautiful, isn’t it?

Hero picks up a vase. Caresses it. Its value is obvious.

HERO
Why do you do it?

Villain picks up a trinket with the same care.

VILLAIN
Why does the snake bite?

Hero puts down the vase. Looks further on. He goes to a cave wall
and runs his hand down it, tracing his finger over a diamond.

HERO
Because it does.

VILLAIN
You gotta keep fighting it.

Hero picks at the diamond.

VILLAIN (CONT’D)
It’s not who you are.

Hero turns.

HERO
What’s your name?

Villain pauses. The question hits him hard.

VILLAIN
No one’s ever asked me that.

HERO
I am.

VILLAIN
Greg.

LATER – NIGHT

Villain and Hero sit in chairs, across from each other, in front of a
roaring fireplace, drinking wine, laughing like old friends.

INT. MAYOR’S OFFICE – SAME

Mayor and Scientist listen to the speaker. Mayor stares at Scientist,
confused, as Scientist watches the speaker like it’s a TV. Light jazz
emits softly in the background.

HERO (V.O.)
SAYS SOMETHING FUNNY.

VILLAIN (V.O.)
SAYS SOMETHING FUNNY

Both men laugh.

VILLAIN (V.O.)
To super powers.

HERO (V.O.)
To super powers.

The sound of wine glasses CLINKING together.

MAYOR
What the hell are they doing?

Scientist finally turns his gaze. Stares matter-of-factly at Mayor.

SCIENTIST
I think they’re becoming friends.

INT. VILLAIN’S CAVE – SAME

HERO
You ever ask yourself “why me?”

VILLAIN
No.

HERO
Me neither. Except now.

Hero looks off in the distance, at nothing in particular.

HERO (CONT’D)
I never questioned who I was,
or why I was, until I lost
everything.

VILLAIN
You haven’t lost everything.

HERO
No one cares about me unless
I’m Hero.

Villain looks at the floor. Has no words.

VILLAIN
I’m proud of you.

Hero furrows his brow.

VILLAIN (CONT’D)
You’re still fighting. You still
care about them.

Villain raises a glass to Hero.

VILLAIN
And you learned how to swim
today.

Hero doesn’t seem to care for the victory.

HERO
Almost.

VILLAIN
More practice tomorrow.

A beat.

VILLAIN (CONT’D)

What’s your name?

Hero chuckles.

HERO
You know, no one’s ever asked
me either.

Villain scoffs.

VILLAIN
Come on. What about your
girlfriend?

Hero shakes his head.

HERO
Mike.

Villain nods. Another raise of the glass.

VILLAIN
Nice to meet you, Mike.

Hero raises his glass.

HERO
Nice to meet you, Greg.

Glasses CLINK and they drink. Hero sits up, alert.

HERO (CONT’D)
Hey, I got you something!

Villain blinks, surprised. Hero leans in. Villain also leans in.

Hero reaches behind his back and lefts his right leg. He lets out a
loud FART as he presents and empty hand to Villain.

Villain recoils; gags. Hero laughs.

HERO (CONT’D)
You think I got you a present?

Villain shakes his head and waves an arm in front of his face.

VILLAIN
Ugh, I tasted it!

Hero nods, proud of himself and sits back, satisfied as Villain chugs
wine.

INT. VILLAIN’S CAVE – MORNING

Villain sleeps. A penis sketched on his forehead. He wakes to the
sound of splashing water and frustrated grunts come from outside.

He turns to the cave’s entrance, past his couch with a pillow and
crumpled sheets. He sees Hero dunking going under water and
bobbing back up.

EXT. CAVE – MORNING

Villain watches, holding a steaming cup of coffee.
VILLAIN
How long you been up?

Hero turns around.

HERO
Not long.

VILLAIN
I have an idea.

EXT. A CLIFF – DAY

Hero and Villain stand atop a cliff. Boxer shorts, undershirts. Lake
below. They stand at the very edge. The penis is still on Villain’s
forehead.

Hero’s arm is extended.

Villain scans the water. X-ray vision reveals a steel case about a mile
out, and 30 meters down. His face is void of expression.

Hero nudges him.

HERO
Concentrate.

Villain extends his arm; closes his eyes.

HERO (CONT’D)
You are part of the sky. And
the sky is part of you.

Villain peeks.

VILLAIN
Is this what you do?

HERO
No, I just fucking do it. But I
don’t know how to make you
do it. Concentrate.

Villain closes his eyes.

VILLAIN
I am the sky.

Hero looks forward. Closes his eyes.

HERO
(to himself)
I am the sky.

VILLAIN
The sky is me.

HERO
Three…

VILLAIN
Do I jump?

Hero snaps out of his chi.

HERO
No, just lean. Forcefully.

VILLAIN
Lean.

HERO
Forcefully.

Hero brings his arm back up. Closes his eyes. Takes a deep breath.
Villain duplicates.

VILLAIN
I am the sky.

HERO
Three… two…

Hero and Villain lean forward with force and they sail to the water
like boulders.

SPLASH!

INT. LAKE – CONTINUOUS

Hero and Villain stare at each other underwater. Villain brings his
hands to his face, indicating a deep breath, while holding his own.

Hero closes his eyes. Trying to “be the water.” He inhales, then
shakes his head and swims to the surface.

EXT. LAKE – CONTINUOUS

Villain pops up. Hero is coughing. They tread.

HERO
If you fail, you still live. If I fail,
I drown.

VILLAIN
I don’t know of another way.

Hero dog-paddles to shore. Villain follows.

Hero sits on the ground, legs pulled to his chest as Villain emerges
from the water.

HERO
What’s that?

Villain follows Hero’s line of sight — to his abdomen! The right side
of Villain’s undershirt is raised. The wound is healed, but the staples
remain.

Villain pulls the shirt down.

VILLAIN
I don’t want to talk about it.
(beat)
Come on, we need to try again.

HERO
You got something–

Hero points to his own brow. Villain rubs his forehead, smearing
the penis a little.

VILLAIN
I get it?

Hero half nods.

HERO
Eh.

EXT. A CLIFF – DAY

Hero and Villain run off the top of the cliff. They WHOOT! and
jump off the edge, cannon-ball style. Creating massive splashes!

INT. MAYOR’S OFFICE – SAME

Mayor stands. Angry.

WHOOTS and splashing come from the speaker.

MAYOR
I’ve had enough. Let’s go.

Scientist nods. Stands. Reluctant.

INT. VILLAIN’S CAVE / BATHROOM – LATE AFTERNOON

Villain’s bent over a sink, scrubbing his forehead. He pops up and
checks the mirror. Loofa in hand.

The penis is nearly gone, just the edge of some balls remain.

Villain brings the loofa up and scrubs some more.

But his eyes notice something by the mirror.

Several diamonds scattered in the wall. One has been dug out.

Villain traces his finger over the small crater. His eyes showing his
disappointment.

HERO (O.S.)
More than two shakes and
you’re playing with it!

Villain keeps scrubbing.

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S ACT 3 REACTION TO MID-POINT

What I learned is that this is a pivotal turning point in the script. I have to prepare my protagonist to face his lowest low.

In the previous scene, that I’m not sure how much I should reveal in the scene itself, Mayor has propositioned Villain to betray Hero and Villain objects, but before he can act, Scientist implants a device in him that tracks and listens, and will explode at the push of a button if Villain gives anything away.

In this scene, the beginning of Act 3, Villain is struggling with trying to interact with Hero while holding onto a dark secret. He wants to figure out a plan, but has to keep Hero’s knowledge out of it.

INT. HERO’S PENTHOUSE / LIVING ROOM – SUNSET

Hero is pacing the floor, annoyed. Chugging a beer. A KNOCK.

Hero opens the door. It’s Villain. Looks distressed.

HERO
(pissed)
What happened to you?

Villain holds the right side of his abdomen.

VILLAIN
Nothing.

HERO
You look like shit.

Hero walks away, leaves Villain standing in the doorway. Villain
lumbers in.

HERO (CONT’D)
You with the Mayor this whole
time? What’d you talk about?

VILLAIN
I was trying to fly.

Hero laughs.

HERO
Without me?

VILLAIN
It’s obvious we’re not changing
back.

HERO
Take me to your house.

Villain almost seems startled.

VILLAIN
No.

Hero stops. Baffled.

HERO
No?

Villain steps in. Closes the door.

VILLAIN
I need to lie down.

Villain ambles gingerly to the couch. Lays back. Hero goes to the
kitchen, grabs a beer.

Villain lifts his shirt. Reveals a three-inch wound on his right side.
It’s inflamed. Sutured. Looks fresh and painful. He touches it.
Winces.

Hero comes back with two beers and Villain quickly pulls his shirt
down. Hero holds a beer out to him.

HERO
Lemme see.

Villain chugs.

VILLAIN
It’s nothing.

Hero goes to the window.

VILLAIN
Why do you want to go to my
house?

Hero stares out at the city.

HERO
It’s only fair. You’ve seen where
I live. I wanna know where you
live.

Hero drinks. Villain is silent. Hero turns back around.

HERO
I’m changing. And I hate it.

VILLAIN
You’ll get used to it. Might even
like it.

Villain drinks.

HERO
That’s why I hate it.

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S CHARACTER DEATH TRACK

What I learned is that how people die is important and this really made me consider moral statements more. I also decided that whatever plan I thought I already had for death, ultimately, everyone will die from inability to breathe, strangulation, drowning, suffocating, etc. Lack of air is how the children were killed, which is how the house will then bring death.

Give us the order your characters die in.

PROLOGUE DEATH: Johnny’s father will be killed / Johnny maimed.

Before I continue, I just wanted to say that the monster kills simply because of the trespassing. It would kill regardless of moral statement. However, due to the script’s religious undertones, I thought moral statements would add to the intrigue.

Character Death 1: OLIVIA (innocent/introvert)
Why: She is afraid of the house. She wants to leave her friends. The house doesn’t like judgement and desertion.
How: Surprised / Blindsided. As she leaves, she will be pulled into the water and drowned.

Character Death 2: ROBERT (rule breaker)
Why: He is pleasuring himself in plain sight while two of the girls make out in front of him. The house doesn’t like self-indulgence.
How: Trapped. He will be smoking a blunt. The smoke will fill his lungs and not allow him to exhale. He will choke to death.

Character Death 3: JOSH (obnoxious)
Why: He wanted to graffiti the house in the beginning and goes missing. The house doesn’t like vandals.
How: Charged blindly into action. He is trapped in the basement. With his struggling last breaths, he calls for Sarah and Karen after their little romp. They find him and see his chest is ripped wide open.

Character Death 4: SARAH (sacrificial lamb)
Why: She was offered up by Karen, an easy grab. She lags behind, and Karen pushes her down the stairs.
Also the house doesn’t like her sexual “perversion” with Karen.
How: Betrayed / Thrown into the monster. We don’t see. We only hear the moans and ripping, and guttural sounds in the dark basement.

Character Death 5: Karen (complainer)
Why: She threw Sarah to her death to save herself. The house doesn’t like betrayal.
Also the house doesn’t like her sexual “perversion” with Sarah.
How: Escape attempt takes her into it. She will fall through a stair that breaks and get hung.

Character Death 6: DAVID (leader)
Why: David, Whitney, and Marcus have escaped to a room with many of the house’s secrets. David tells Whitney the house wants her, and they need to get her out. The house doesn’t like snoops and snitches.
How: Surprised / Blindsided. Olivia returns! But it’s not her! She crushes him with something. Whitney and Marcus are unable to help.

Character Death 7: JOHNNY (crazy man from the beginning)
Why: He comes back to help. The house has opened the door to let him in. The house let him get away the first time.
How: Charged blindly into action. “Olivia” paralyzes him with a hallucination from the past and Marcus murders him out of fear (this will be the only non-suffocation type of death)

Character Death 8: MARCUS (asshole)
Why: Marcus has broken up with Whitney after learning she is pregnant. He has made jokes about the urban legend tied to the house. He has murdered Johnny, robbing the house of the pleasure. And he leaves Whitney behind, with Olivia. The house doesn’t like assholes.
How: Escape attempt takes him into it. The house will leave the door open for Marcus to leave. But the tree and the creek will murder him in the worst ways.

Character Spared (for now…) 9: Whitney (moral one)
Why: Whitney reveals she is pregnant, in her third trimester. Senior year is nearing its end and she wants to marry Marcus, her boyfriend for the last 3 years and have a family with him. Marcus breaks her heart and she contemplates giving the baby up. The house doesn’t want the baby to die.
How: Captured / Death delayed. The house spares her life and Olivia will take care of her until her baby is born.

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S HORROR SITUATION TRACK

What I learned is that it’s best to brainstorm at least twice as many horror situations in order for the story, in order to choose the best ones. Brainstorming is key to having breakthroughs and this list has proven extremely valuable to get the wheels turning! There is also proper timing on how/when these situations should be revealed.

I wrote my character deaths as well because it helped me keep better organized on my beat sheet.

Characters:

Johnny, Whitney, Josh, Sarah, Marcus, David, Karen, Robert, Olivia

ACT 1 – THE SETUP FOR HORROR
Atmosphere of Evil established: 1950s Father and son landscapers to a house to remove a tree. Wind picks up, sky darkens, the tree is ominous, landscaping equipment not working right.
Horror Situation: Father is killed by machinery and son, Johnny, is maimed, loses an arm… at “the hands” of the tree.
Reaction – Escape: A housemaid screams and runs inside. A nun watches from an upstairs window. The son escapes.
Horror Situation: The tree and creek are haunted.
Connect with the characters: Present day. The house and grounds have been abandoned for decades. David tells of the urban legend of the grounds are haunted. He entices his friends to have a party there… in a “ghost-story environment.
Denial of Horror: They stop by a convenience store, and an old one-armed homeless crazy guy (Johnny) tells them not to go. Begs them… they laugh at the crazy old man and assure him they will be fine.
Horror Situation: Josh wants to graffiti the house. Starts on the outside, but a door creaks open. He goes inside….
Reaction: After a while, the kids wonder what’s up with Josh. They investigate. They feel uneasy, but push past it. They see the open door. They go in. Except Olivia She don’t want to go in that creepy old house.
Denial of Horror: Olivia is getting scared. She hears noises, voices. The forest beyond the creek is freaking her out.
Safety taken away: Olivia is nervous, calls out for her friends; no answer. She contemplates going into the house. She tries to occupy herself with music on her phone. It’s not working right. Tries to call David, but there’s no signal.
Reaction: She finally decides to go inside.
Character Death: – The tree grabs her and drowns her in the creek, in a very believable and horrifying way. OLIVIA DOWN

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN
Isolated / Trapped / Abducted: The kids in the house haven’t realized they aren’t able to leave.
Horror Situation: No one knows where Josh is, but asshole Marcus thinks it’s fun to scare people in dark corners.
Denial: Still no sign of Josh, the kids continue partying. (Whitney, Marcus, David)
Reaction: Robert has plans. He takes Karen upstairs to investigate and comes on to her. She is less than interested. Sarah comes in. Now Karen is interested.
Horror Situation: Robert smokes a blunt and starts to pleasure himself while watching the girls make out. A disgusting shape appears on the ceiling.
Horror situation: CUT TO – Dead Olivia appears in the back doorway.
Denial: The kids think she’s super high. She goes to a dark room down the hall.
Horror situation: Back in the bedroom. Robert’s own smoke fills his lungs and refuses to let him exhale.
Denial: The girls think he’s messing enjoying himself with his grunts and moans, so they ignore him.
Character Death: Robert dies right in front of them. ROBERT DOWN
Denial: The girls think he passed out.
Reaction: Karen and Sarah leave.
(Pivotal Moment): Whitney and Marcus talk. She tells him she’s pregnant. He is not happy.
Horror Situation: Noises rom the basement. It’s Josh! He calls for Karen and Sarah to come down. He sounds funny. Odd.

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR
Reaction: Karen and Sarah investigate, carefully; cautiously.
Horror Situation: Karen and Sarah see Josh is disfigured and gross. JOSH DOWN
Reaction: They make a run for it.
Horror Situation: Sarah lags behind and Karen throws her down the basement stairs.
Character Death: Sarah gets mauled. SARAH DOWN
Reaction: Karen tries to get out of the basement.
Horror Situation: Karen falls through a stair that breaks.
Character Death: Karen is killed. KAREN DOWN
Horror Situation: David, Whitney, and Marcus hide in a room. It’s an old religious room, alter, candles, creepy statues. They try to come up with the answer.
Character Death: Olivia kills David. Murders him from the inside out. DAVID DOWN
Horror Situation: Johnny appears in the doorway of the religious room, and Marcus freaks out… why is Johnny there? To try and help? Who knows, because Marcus kills him. JOHNNY DOWN
The thrilling escape from Death: The door remains open and Marcus makes a run for it.
Release: We think Marcus is on this way out, but the tree grabs him.
Character Death: The tree mangles the shit out of him. MARCUS DOWN.
Horror Situation: Olivia closes the door to the house.
Resolution: Whitney is inside. A captive. Being kept alive by “Olivia” for the sake of her unborn child, which the house wants.

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE HAS COMPLETED ACT 2 – DRAFT 1

What I learned is that even though I am pushing through the script, I am hyperaware of things I already want to change, but I will still push forward, updating as I go, and knowing I will change what has already been written in a rewrite.

INT. LOBBY OF MAYOR’S BUILDING – DAY

Hero and Villain step off the elevator. A crowd of people back away.
SECURITY GUARDS put hands on their holstered guns.

Villain’s hands are behind his back and Hero walks with him, holding
Villain’s wrist.

HERO
It’s okay, everyone. All under
control.

The front doors swing open and TWO BLACK SUITS (40s) escort a
BEARDED HIPSTER (30s). They pass Hero and Villain on their way out.

INT. HERO’S PENTHOUSE – DAY

Hero sits on the couch, head in his hands
as Villain paces incessantly. Two open beer bottles on the coffee table.

VILLAIN
I don’t know what happened,
but I can’t do shit anymore.

Villain grabs his beer.

VILLAIN
I tried to burn you and all I did
was see your skull. I tried breathing
under water, and I nearly drowned.
(beat)
And I need to get my money.

Hero stares at the floor.

HERO
Not your money.

VILLAIN
I was gonna kill a guy today and
I couldn’t.

Hero looks up. Villain is disgusted.

VILLAIN
I felt bad for him.
(makes a yuck face)
What the fuck is that?!

HERO
Empathy.

He gets up in Hero’s face.

VILLAIN
I know what it is, asshole.
I don’t. Fucking. Want. Empathy.

Villain stares daggers, then recoils.

VILLAIN
Ugh! There’s your goddamn eye
sockets again.

He smacks Hero’s head and stands back up.

Villain realizes. Points to Hero.

VILLAIN
You can’t fly. That’s why you fell
off that building.

Hero gives a single nod.

VILLAIN
How’s your x-ray vision doing?

HERO
Hit me again and I’ll show you.

Villain drops to his knees, throws his hands to the sky.

VILLAIN
I knew it! We switched!

But then he smiles a little.

VILLAIN
You get the farts?

Hero rolls his eyes. Grabs his beer.

HERO
How is that even a power?

VILLAIN
Puts a bank full of people to sleep
in seconds.

HERO
So what do you want from me?

VILLAIN
Truce.

Hero drinks. Laughs.

VILLAIN

‘Til we figure this out.
HERO
Work together?

VILLAIN
You teach me, I teach you.

HERO
Why don’t we try to switch back?

VILLAIN

Okay, yeah, when there’s another
lightning storm we can go play in it.
(beat)
But unless you’ve got it all figured
out on your end, we need each other.

EXT. THE LAKE – DAY

Hero and Villain in a remote area, standing at the water’s edge.

VILLAIN
Just put your head under and breathe.

HERO
Bullshit.

VILLAIN
I swear, that’s all I do.

Hero reluctantly undresses down to his boxer briefs. He steps
carefully into the water.

HERO
Don’t you walk on this?

VILLAIN
One thing at a time.

Hero takes another step.

VILLAIN
Get in there!

Hero hesitates. Villain puts the pieces together.

VILLAIN
Oh. My. God.
(beat)
You can’t swim.

HERO
I don’t need to swim. I can fly.

VILLAIN
No, you can’t.

Hero takes a step.

VILLAIN
But if you can’t swim, what was
that shit you were doing last night?

HERO
Flying. I flew into the water
(swoops a hand downward)
and I flew out of the water.
(swoops a hand upward)

VILLAIN
Oh…
(beat)
Well then just get on your hands
and knees and put your face in it.

Hero crouches down. Reluctant. He sees his fearful face in the
reflection. He can’t look himself in the eyes.

He slowly brings his face closer. He stares at the rocky floor of the
lake, his nose inches away from the surface of the water.

Villain kneels beside him and slaps his hand on the back of Hero’s
head, shoving his face under.

Hero flails and comes back up, water sputters from his lips.

HERO
The fuck!?

VILLAIN
No swimming required!

HERO
Don’t push me!

VILLAIN
Then put your head in there
and breathe!

Hero forces his face back into the water. A second later he lifts his
head and projectile vomits lake water and tadpoles.

He gags, chokes, and coughs.

VILLAIN
Again!

HERO
Fuck you, “again”! I can’t do it!

VILLAIN
You try once and quit?
Hero gets up in Villain’s face.

HERO
I can’t breathe under water! I’m
not sure how many tries I’m
allowed!

Hero stands and Villain follows suit. Hero pushes him in the chest.
Villain stumbles.

HERO
How ‘bout we try flying?
Another push.

HERO
Just put your hands out and

jump!

Another push. Villain falls into the water.

HERO
Is that all you got?

Hero points to the hills.

HERO
Or how ‘bout we go to the hilltop
and I fucking push. you. off?!

Villain puts his hands up.

VILLAIN
I’m sorry. I was just trying to help.

Hero breathes… collects himself.

HERO
Then tell me how to do it.

Villain is at a loss for words.

VILLAIN
I just… put my head under and
breathe.

Hero grits his teeth and rubs his forehead. Not the answer he wanted.

He crouches down again.

VILLAIN
How do you fly?

HERO
I just… raise my fist to the sky,
and I will myself to fly.

Villain, still on his ass, leans in closer.

VILLAIN
It’s the same thing. Just will
yourself to breathe.

Hero looks back at the water. Hovers his face over the surface.

Hero turns his head to Villain.

HERO
And don’t piss in here.

Villain looks away. Hero’s order has come too late.

Hero lowers his head. Villain watches, hopeful.

Hero shoots back up, gasping, coughing, choking.

From the shore, Hero’s utility belt plays GOD BLESS AMERICA.

EXT. WHITE THREE-STORY BUILDING – DAY

A sign in front reads: ADVANCED SCIENCE INSTITUTE.

People file in and out of the entrance.

MAYOR (V.O.)
We think we can replicate
what happened last night.

INT. LAB – DAY

Hero and Villain lean against a counter in a sterile white room.
Mayor stands with SCIENTIST (60s), a seasoned nerd, glasses, timid,
probably has a KICK ME sign on his back. Both men wear dark goggles
on top of their heads.

To the Scientist’s left are three over-sized, clear chambers.

Scientist opens the door to the chamber closest to him.

SCIENTIST
Just step inside.

Hero makes the first move. Steps inside the chamber with ease.
He waits as Villain watches.

Hero holds out a hand. Come on.

Villain pushes himself away from the counter and steps inside the
chamber. Scientist closes the door; latches it.

Scientist walks to a panel with a giant pull-down lever. He presses
some buttons as Mayor watches beside him. Both men goggles over
their eyes.

Hero and Villain stand face to face.

VILLAIN
Are you going to tell us–

Scientist pulls down the lever.

LIGHTNING fills the chamber and Hero and Villain quake as the bolt
jars the shit out of them.

Scientist pushes the lever back.

Lighting stops and Hero’s and Villain’s knees buckle.

Goggles up. Mayor opens the chamber door, releasing a light gray
smoke.

Hero and Villain groan.

SCIENTIST
(eager)
Did it work?

Hero pulls himself up. He holds out a hand to Villain and helps him
stand.

Hero stares at a beaker on the counter. Beams shoot from his eyes and
the beaker explodes on impact.

Hero and Villain drop their heads back.

MAYOR
I guess it wasn’t the lightning.

Villain lifts his head.

VILLAIN
Wait! We were holding each
other!

Mayor raises an eyebrow.

Hero raises his head. Of course!

Hero and Villain start to embrace. It’s awkward.

HERO

No your arm was around my
shoulder.

Mayor and Scientist exchange looks.

HERO
My arm was around your waist.

VILLAIN
What was my other arm doing?

HERO
And bring your leg in.

Mayor and Scientist look back at the intertwined Supers.

VILLAIN
Okay, we’re ready.

Mayor latches the door shut. Takes his place by Scientist. Goggles
down.

Scientist pushes buttons; pulls the lever.

LIGHTING saturates the two Supers as they hang onto each other.

Lever and goggles back up.

Mayor opens the door. Hero and Villain are crumpled against the
wall of the chamber in each other’s arms.

SCIENTIST
(more eager)
Did it work?

The Supers groan and sigh as they help each other up.

Villain raises a hand in front of Hero’s face.

VILLAIN
I’ll try.

Villain stares at Mayor, who jumps out of the way.

MAYOR
Not me!

Hero points to a cabinet.

VILLAIN
It doesn’t work. I already saw
his breakfast.

Villain stands alert.

VILLAIN
Wait! It was raining!

LATER

Hero and Villain sit on stainless steel barstools.

Mayor and Scientist work to fit a hose and sprinkler to the top of
the chamber.

HERO
Your turn.

VILLAIN
I spy… something… old.

HERO
Mayor.

Mayor looks at Hero.

VILLAIN
Older.

MAYOR
Ooh, I know, I know.

Scientist looks at Mayor.

SCIENTIST
Alright. It’s ready.

Hero and Villain return to the chamber, wrapping their bodies
together. Mayor closes the chamber door.

HERO
Hold me tighter.

Mayor latches the door and switches on the hose. Water showers
the men in a steady downpour as Mayor takes his place by Scientist.
Goggles down.

Scientist reaches for the lever. Presses buttons. Mayor holds out a
hand.

Mayor asks a silent question with his eyes and Scientist nods. They
switch places. Mayor pulls the lever.

LIGHTNING fills the chamber, relentless and thoroughly.

Lever and goggles up.

Mayor opens the door. Hero points to Scientist as his knees buckle.

HERO
Don’t say it.

He rests his head on Villain’s shoulder. Villain’s head is already
resting against Hero’s chest.

SCIENTIST
(less eager)
Did it work?

VILLAIN
(to Hero)
Fucking had to say it.

A loud wet fart echoes through the chamber. Hero and Villain share
a look. Hero looks at Mayor and Scientist. Defeated.

HERO
Didn’t work.

Scientist drops his shoulders.

MAYOR
What else can we put in
there? You were on a building.
You were fighting! Try it
again… fighting!

HERO
No! No more!

He drops his head back to Villain’s shoulder.

HERO
(to Villain)
Bro, it still stinks though.

VILLAIN
Don’t try to make me feel
better.

EXT. COFFEE SHOP – LATE AFTERNOON

Hero and Villain people watch, drinking lattes.

VILLAIN
So you hesitate walking into
water, but saunter freely into
a lightning chamber. Interesting.

HERO
I’ve been hit with lightning before.
I’ve never breathed water before.

VILLAIN
No no no… You don’t breathe water,
you breathe while in water.

Villain gets into a staring contest with a DOG WALKER (20s), walking
five small dogs.

VILLAIN
Keep walking. Nothing to see here.

DOG WALKER
So, are you guys friends now?

VILLAIN
Beat it!

DOG WALKER hurries off.

HERO
Well look at us… They don’t know.

VILLAIN
Things aren’t always what they
seem. This is business.

Villain looks at the crowd.

VILLAIN
It’s business!

Villain sips his coffee.

VILLAIN
(continues to the crowd)
Pretty soon I’m gonna be robbing
your banks and kicking all your
asses again.
(points at an old lady)
You first!

Eyes wide, the OLD LADY clutches her purse to her breasts and
scurries off. Villain turns back to Hero.

VILLAIN
Don’t you ever get tired of
helping all these ingrates?

HERO
I’m their hero.

VILLAIN
Were there hero. You ain’t shit
now.

HERO
I’m still–

VILLAIN
Look at ‘em.

Hero looks over his shoulder. Fans who once adored, now gawk.

VILLAIN
They don’t know what to think
of you. But it ain’t hero.

HERO
They haven’t quit on me.

Villain leans forward.

VILLAIN
You ever wanted to not save
someone?

HERO
No.

VILLAIN
Like you been saving people all
day… a fiery car crash here, a
school bus full of kids trapped
under the ice there — and you
just wanna relax and see a movie
with your girl. Maybe get some
head in the theater.

Hero smiles.

VILLAIN
And then some woman comes
crying that her son fell into a well.
Don’t you ever just wanna say,
“Not today, lady, go fuck yourself!”

Hero chuckles. Shrugs.

HERO
Sometimes.

VILLAIN
Hey… Hit that guy.

Villain indicates across the street. Hero looks. A PUNK BULLY (12)
is picking on a LITTLE GIRL (8), keeping her doll from her while
she cries.

HERO
That kid?

VILLAIN
Go on, help her.

HERO
I don’t have to hurt him, to
help her.

Hero watches the Bully.

VILLAIN
Just his knees.

Hero focuses on the boy. Considers.

VILLAIN
And then–

BEAMS OF LIGHT shoot from Hero’s eyes and set the kids knees
ON FIRE!

Onlookers glare at Hero and Villain’s table.

HERO
And then, I’m both their hero.

Villain winks and clicks his tongue. Hero dashes across the street
to the Bully writhing on the ground.

VILLAIN
(over-dramatic)
Oh no, look what I did!

Hero covers Bully with his cape, pounds his kneecaps a little too hard
as Bully cries out.

Hero gives the doll to the little girl, then pounds Bully’s kneecaps once
more for good measure.

He walks back to the coffee shop.

A BARISTA (18) watches.

BARISTA
Aren’t you gonna take him to
the hospital?

HERO
Call an ambulance… I have to take
this Villain into custody.

Villain stands and puts his hands behind his back. Hero grabs his wrist
and leads him out.

EXT. STREET – LATE AFTERNOON

Hero and Villain walk side by side.

VILLAIN
It was fun wasn’t it?

Hero says nothing. His expression is unreadable.

The LCM News building is on the opposite street corner. An
electronic message scrolls: YOUR TRUSTED NEWS SOURCE. 74 F.
6:24 PM.

VILLAIN
You don’t have to say it.

Three flyers on a telephone pole: The Bearded Hipster. The black
man. The Asian Man. MISSING. Reward: $10,000.

Hero stops.

HERO
This you?

Villain stops.

VILLAIN
Man, I don’t kidnap people.
I kill them.

HERO
Who said they’re alive?

Hero studies him. Unsure.

He notices the LCM scrolling message: YOUR TRUSTED NEWS
SOURCE. 74 F. 6:25 PM.

HERO
Oh, shit!

INT. GRAND MORITZ RESTAURANT – NIGHT

Hero and Girlfriend sit at a dimly lit table for two. PIANO music in
the background. Candles. A WAITER pours wine.

Hero is in a tux, Girlfriend in a long silk dress.

Hero reaches in his right jacket pocket as the waiter nods at
Girlfriend; has nothing short of a smirk for Hero as he walks away.

HERO
We’ve been together a while,
babe.

She nods and picks up her wine glass.

GIRLFRIEND
It’s been a good run

With his left hand, he CLINKS his glass against hers. Drinks.

HERO
I think so too.

GIRLFRIEND
Honestly, it feels like it might be
time to move on.

Hero smiles, feeling a little giddy.

HERO
I’m glad you feel that way.

Girlfriend is sightly taken aback.

GIRLFRIEND
You are?

HERO
Yeah! We can’t keep going like
this.

GIRLFRIEND
No, we can’t. I need more.

HERO
Exactly. We need a change.

She nods. Resolved. Now she CLINKS her glass against his.

GIRLFRIEND
A new chapter.

He sets down his glass and reaches for her hand. She takes it and
smiles.

GIRLFRIEND
I’m so happy right now.

HERO
Darling, will you-

He starts to raise the ring box from his right pocket. She exhales a
deep sigh of relief.

GIRLFRIEND
I thought breaking up would
be harder than this.

Hero’s smile fades.

She cuts into her steak and takes a big bite. Hero is frozen.

GIRLFRIEND
Thank you for being so good
about it.

She sips wine.

GIRLFRIEND
I’m gonna miss you a little bit.

INT. HERO’S PENTHOUSE – NIGHT

Villain watches the news. LCM logo in the bottom corner of the
screen.

A pizza box, a six pack of beer minus two, and Villain’s feet are on
the coffee table. Two empty beer bottles next to him on the couch.

NEWS ANCHOR
Occupants of the apartment and
surrounding area were evacuated
for six hours until the gas leak was
repaired.

VILLAIN
Here’s your gas leak.

He lifts his right butt cheek and pushes. Nothing happens.

NEWS ANCHOR
Another local citizen, Mr.–

Villain grunts in disappointment.

VILLAIN
Pathetic.

NEWS ANCHOR
–who was last seen riding his
bicycle near the College.

Villain grabs another beer and cracks it open as a graphic of the
bearded hipster appears above the News Anchor’s right shoulder.
The same man from the lobby of the Mayor’s office.

Villain squints his eyes at the graphic. Looks familiar.

NEWS ANCHOR
Any information regarding–

Hero bursts in the front door, furious. Villain isn’t fazed.

VILLAIN
Aww.. she said no. Chin up,
buddy.

HERO
She broke up with me. Get your
fuckin’ feet off the table.

VILLAIN
Whoa, relax! I didn’t break up
with you.

Villain puts his feet on the floor. Hero pulls the velvet ring box from
his pocket. He throws it into…

HIS BEDROOM

The box bounces once and pops open. A second bounce under the
bed expels the ring.

The box bounces two more times, and the ring slides into an air vent
near the foot of the bed.

BACK TO THE LIVING ROOM

VILLAIN
Grab a beer. Sit down.

HERO
I wanna kill somebody right now!

Villain stands, pumped. Turns off the TV with the remote. He punches
his hand into his fist.

VILLAIN
Let’s do it!

Hero spots empty beer bottles on the couch. And a beer stain.

HERO
You.
(he growls)
I wanna kill you right now.

Hero charges and Villain jumps to the side.

VILLAIN
Truce!

Hero dives and knocks Villain down. Punches him hard across the
face.

VILLAIN
Listen, I know you’re hurting.

Villain shakes his head.

VILLAIN
Fuck, I wanna hit myself!

He forces inner rage and punches Hero back. Lifts a knee and jams
it into Hero’s balls. Hero winces and Villain flips him on his back.

He punches Hero, left and right, across the jaw and cheeks. A punch
for every word:

VILLAIN
We. Have. A. Truce. You. Dick!

Hero’s eyes grow red.

VILLAIN
Don’t you fucking dare.

Hero holds his gaze and Villain jumps back, as BEAMS OF LIGHT burn
two holes through the ceiling!

He gets up and charges Villain again, knocking a lamp over. Villain
ducks and blocks.

But a roundhouse kick to the abdomen sends Villain through the east
window!

Villain grabs desperately at the window sill and barely holds on. Hero
rests his foot on one of Villain’s hands, digging it into broken glass.

VILLAIN
If I fall, you don’t get shit back!

HERO
Why don’t you fly?

VILLAIN
I can’t fucking fly! That’s why
I’m here, goddammit!

HERO
Thought it was the empathy.

VILLAIN
You wanna be the hero again?
A hero doesn’t do this.

Hero counts off on his fingers.

HERO
Respect. Adoration. Powers. Insane
good looks. Girlfriend.
(beat)
I’ve already lost everything.

Hero pushes his foot hard into Villain’s hand, kicking it off the sill.
Villain reaches up again. But Hero’s already kicked his other hand off.

VILLAIN
Fuck–

EXT. HERO’S PENTHOUSE – SAME

Villain falls, gaining velocity.

He turns his body, and puts his arms forward and concentrates.

VILLAIN
Come on come on come on…

And SPLAT! Face first into the sidewalk, barely missing passersby.

They scream and scatter.

Sidewalk crumpled, Villain groans and slowly pushes himself
upward, arms shaking like wet noodles.

VILLAIN
Asshole.

He rolls over and looks up at the top of the building. Face bloody.
Nose broken.

Of course Hero is not visible on the 40th floor. Villain shouts up to
the penthouse.

VILLAIN

ASS—

An empty BEER BOTTLE comes into view and hits Villain square in
the face. His head drops back on the cement.

He covers his face with his arms as another bottle sails toward him.

INT. HERO’S PENTHOUSE – SAME

Hero snatches Villain’s open beer off the coffee table with satisfaction. Chugs it.

HERO
(mocking/baby voice)
A hero doesn’t do this.

He lowers the bottle and sees his reflection in the mirror. He
laughs.

HERO
He’s gonna tell me what a hero is.

Hero stares. Frowns.

Shadows in the apartment darken parts of his face. His eyes look
stern.
Scary. His REFLECTION judges him.

HERO’S REFLECTION
He’s right. You’re no hero.

His reflection turns and walks away.

Hero GASPS and snaps out of it. His startled reflection staring back
proper.

Hero throws down the bottle and rushes out the door.

EXT. STREET – NIGHT

Villain walks down the sidewalk. His injuries are healing right before

our eyes.

Hero appears beside him. Walks in stride, says nothing.

VILLAIN
You let me fall.

HERO
What’s the problem? You lived.
We both knew you’d live.

Villain stops. Flabbergasted.

VILLAIN
It’s not about me living. It’s
about you lying. We had a truce.
(beat)
I trusted you. And I’ve never
trusted anyone.

Villain starts walking again.

VILLAIN
And how fair is that? You can run
with bullet speed. Easy. You can
use heat vision. Easy. Farts… no
problem. You think I can fly? Ah,
no, I can go fuck myself.

Hero takes Villain’s shoulder. Villain pulls away.

VILLAIN
But seeing through people’s
skin? Easy. Empathy? Easy.

HERO
I’m sorry.

VILLAIN
Eat shit.

Villain starts again. People gather in amazement. Hero and
Villain — arguing??

HERO
I’ve never felt like this before.
(beat)
I’ve never had to struggle with
rage and wanting to cause
harm. It took over. I know you
know what that’s like.

VILLAIN
Well, I know feeling rage and
harm. But it’s never a struggle.

HERO
Please forgive me.

Gasps from onlookers. Hero and Villain — making up??

VILLAIN
I– don’t know what that means.

HERO
Give me another chance.
(beat)
I promise we’ll fix this. Somehow.

Villain sighs, scrapes the toe of his foot on the ground.

VILLAIN
I don’t know.

HERO
I’ll never do that again.

VILLAIN
I’m fucking gone for real if you do.

Hero motions his head back up the street, toward his apartment
building.

HERO
There’s still a few more beers.

Villain smiles. They make their way back to Hero’s place as Hero
puts his arm around Villains shoulder.

Onlookers exchange confused glances. Someone SNAPS a picture.

HERO
You know, you also got more
handsome.

ONLOOKER
(amongst the others)
What the fuck..?

INT. FASHIOS BOUTIQUE – MORNING

Girlfriend and Coworker stare at the newspaper on the counter.

Front page shows a picture of Hero and Villain from behind. Hero’s
arm around Villain’s shoulder; headline reads: HERO AND VILLAIN
LOVERS!

GIRLFRIEND
This explains a lot.

INT. HERO’S PENTHOUSE – SAME

Hero sleeps in the bed, Villain on the couch.

Villain’s nose curls.

VILLAIN
(sleep talking)
Alright… everyone down.

Villain snores. Stirs. He opens his eyes and stretches. He chokes mid-yawn.

VILLAIN
Oh, God!
(beat)
How that not a power?

He pulls up his blanket and covers his nose.

INT. LAB – DAY [PLACEHOLDER]

Scientist and mayor talk.

We see Mayor’s plan to get rid of Hero, and Scientist’s ability to place lightning.

Here we learn that Mayor wants Hero dead (for reasons I am still working out) and lightning was intended only for Hero.

We see it didn’t kill Hero, but it scrambled his powers. Was this because it hit Villain too?

Mayor still wants Hero out of the picture.

I will be expanding on this, but it will likely start with something simple like Mayor is trying to advance in his career, but his low crime rate is not credited to him, it is credited to Hero. Mayor is tired of hero receiving all the credit, and simply being seen as useless. If he can get rid of Hero himself and then Villain also, the glory will finally be his.

INT. HERO’S PENTHOUSE / LIVING ROOM – DAY

Hero makes breakfast.

Villain walks in the front door.

HERO
Where were you?

VILLAIN
I had to get something.

Villain goes to the kitchen, visibly unsettled.

VILLAIN
I know what happened.
(beat)
You’re not gonna like it.

Hero sets down the spatula.

VILLAIN
I felt something when we were
fighting. When the lightning
struck.
(beat)
The same thing happens to you
that happens to me.

Villain struggles to say it.

VILLAIN
It’s exhilarating. Stimulating.

Realization sets in. Hero starts shaking his head.

HERO
No.

Villain just stares.

HERO
Hell no.

Hero walks to the living room.

HERO
Why don’t we throw you off some
more buildings ‘till you learn how
to fly?

VILLAIN
It’s not sexual.

Hero snaps back.

HERO
I know it’s not sexual!

VILLAIN
They touched.

Hero brings his face to his hands.

VILLAIN
One more time in the chamber.

HERO
Why? WHY is that the answer?!

VILLAIN
Think about it… there’s no one
like us. We’re like gods. It wasn’t
just the lightning, or the rain…
something about us had to trigger it.
Something special was the catalyst.
(beat)
I don’t like it either, but what else
could it be?

Hero approaches. Shoulders dropped.

He stands face to face with the villain. Softens his eyes.

HERO
So… how do you wanna do this?

Villain pushes him away.

VILLAIN
Not that way!

Villain takes pills out of his pocket.

INT. LAB – LATER

Scientist watches as Villain steps inside the lightning chamber. Their
boners are barely visible through their suits.

Hero frowns.

VILLAIN
Come on, big guy. Get in here
and hug me.

Mayor stands at the water connection. Scientist waits by the control
panel.

MAYOR
So what makes this one special?

HERO
It’s not special.

He approaches the chamber.

SCIENTIST
So nothing’s different?

VILLAIN
We were hard.

Hero’s eyes go wide. He rushes inside the chamber.

HERO
–Hard-pressed to figure this out.

He shuts the chamber door and Mayor latches it.

Villain open his arms. Hero takes a deep breath. Goes in for the hug.

Both men stand in each other’s arms, Hero’s ass at a distance, pressed
against the chamber wall.

VILLAIN
It’s not sexual.

HERO
Please stop talking.

VILLAIN
Alright… on the count of three.

Hero nods.

VILLAIN
One… two… three.

Hero scooches his feet closer.

Finally, Villain sighs and grabs Hero’s ass, pulls him in close.

They hold.

VILLAIN
Time for our shower.

HERO
Shut. Up.

Villain looks at Mayor and nods. The simulated downpour starts.

Goggles down, Mayor goes to Scientist, who pulls the lever.

LIGHTNING fills the chamber. Hero and Villain hold and endure.

Lever and goggles up. Mayor opens the chamber door.

Villain looks at a cabinet with a solid door. X-ray vision reveals
supplies: beakers, test tubes, Bunsen burners.

He looks at Hero, apologetic and dejected. Shakes his head.

Hero pulls back and punches Villain in the face. The back of Villain’s
head cracks the wall of the chamber.

Hero storms out.

Villain steps out.

VILLAIN
Thanks, guys.

As he passes, the Mayor takes Villain by the arm.

MAYOR
Let’s talk.<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>JAYE HAS COMPLETED ACT 2 – DRAFT 1

What I learned is that even though I am pushing through the script, I am hyperaware of things I already want to change, but I will still push forward, updating as I go, and knowing I will change what has already been written in a rewrite.

INT. LOBBY OF MAYOR’S BUILDING – DAY

Hero and Villain step off the elevator. A crowd of people back away.
SECURITY GUARDS put hands on their holstered guns.

Villain’s hands are behind his back and Hero walks with him, holding
Villain’s wrist.

HERO
It’s okay, everyone. All under
control.

The front doors swing open and TWO BLACK SUITS (40s) escort a
BEARDED HIPSTER (30s). They pass Hero and Villain on their way out.

INT. HERO’S PENTHOUSE – DAY

Hero sits on the couch, head in his hands
as Villain paces incessantly. Two open beer bottles on the coffee table.

VILLAIN
I don’t know what happened,
but I can’t do shit anymore.

Villain grabs his beer.

VILLAIN
I tried to burn you and all I did
was see your skull. I tried breathing
under water, and I nearly drowned.
(beat)
And I need to get my money.

Hero stares at the floor.

HERO
Not your money.

VILLAIN
I was gonna kill a guy today and
I couldn’t.

Hero looks up. Villain is disgusted.

VILLAIN
I felt bad for him.
(makes a yuck face)
What the fuck is that?!

HERO
Empathy.

He gets up in Hero’s face.

VILLAIN
I know what it is, asshole.
I don’t. Fucking. Want. Empathy.

Villain stares daggers, then recoils.

VILLAIN
Ugh! There’s your goddamn eye
sockets again.

He smacks Hero’s head and stands back up.

Villain realizes. Points to Hero.

VILLAIN
You can’t fly. That’s why you fell
off that building.

Hero gives a single nod.

VILLAIN
How’s your x-ray vision doing?

HERO
Hit me again and I’ll show you.

Villain drops to his knees, throws his hands to the sky.

VILLAIN
I knew it! We switched!

But then he smiles a little.

VILLAIN
You get the farts?

Hero rolls his eyes. Grabs his beer.

HERO
How is that even a power?

VILLAIN
Puts a bank full of people to sleep
in seconds.

HERO
So what do you want from me?

VILLAIN
Truce.

Hero drinks. Laughs.

VILLAIN

‘Til we figure this out.
HERO
Work together?

VILLAIN
You teach me, I teach you.

HERO
Why don’t we try to switch back?

VILLAIN

Okay, yeah, when there’s another
lightning storm we can go play in it.
(beat)
But unless you’ve got it all figured
out on your end, we need each other.

EXT. THE LAKE – DAY

Hero and Villain in a remote area, standing at the water’s edge.

VILLAIN
Just put your head under and breathe.

HERO
Bullshit.

VILLAIN
I swear, that’s all I do.

Hero reluctantly undresses down to his boxer briefs. He steps
carefully into the water.

HERO
Don’t you walk on this?

VILLAIN
One thing at a time.

Hero takes another step.

VILLAIN
Get in there!

Hero hesitates. Villain puts the pieces together.

VILLAIN
Oh. My. God.
(beat)
You can’t swim.

HERO
I don’t need to swim. I can fly.

VILLAIN
No, you can’t.

Hero takes a step.

VILLAIN
But if you can’t swim, what was
that shit you were doing last night?

HERO
Flying. I flew into the water
(swoops a hand downward)
and I flew out of the water.
(swoops a hand upward)

VILLAIN
Oh…
(beat)
Well then just get on your hands
and knees and put your face in it.

Hero crouches down. Reluctant. He sees his fearful face in the
reflection. He can’t look himself in the eyes.

He slowly brings his face closer. He stares at the rocky floor of the
lake, his nose inches away from the surface of the water.

Villain kneels beside him and slaps his hand on the back of Hero’s
head, shoving his face under.

Hero flails and comes back up, water sputters from his lips.

HERO
The fuck!?

VILLAIN
No swimming required!

HERO
Don’t push me!

VILLAIN
Then put your head in there
and breathe!

Hero forces his face back into the water. A second later he lifts his
head and projectile vomits lake water and tadpoles.

He gags, chokes, and coughs.

VILLAIN
Again!

HERO
Fuck you, “again”! I can’t do it!

VILLAIN
You try once and quit?
Hero gets up in Villain’s face.

HERO
I can’t breathe under water! I’m
not sure how many tries I’m
allowed!

Hero stands and Villain follows suit. Hero pushes him in the chest.
Villain stumbles.

HERO
How ‘bout we try flying?
Another push.

HERO
Just put your hands out and

jump!

Another push. Villain falls into the water.

HERO
Is that all you got?

Hero points to the hills.

HERO
Or how ‘bout we go to the hilltop
and I fucking push. you. off?!

Villain puts his hands up.

VILLAIN
I’m sorry. I was just trying to help.

Hero breathes… collects himself.

HERO
Then tell me how to do it.

Villain is at a loss for words.

VILLAIN
I just… put my head under and
breathe.

Hero grits his teeth and rubs his forehead. Not the answer he wanted.

He crouches down again.

VILLAIN
How do you fly?

HERO
I just… raise my fist to the sky,
and I will myself to fly.

Villain, still on his ass, leans in closer.

VILLAIN
It’s the same thing. Just will
yourself to breathe.

Hero looks back at the water. Hovers his face over the surface.

Hero turns his head to Villain.

HERO
And don’t piss in here.

Villain looks away. Hero’s order has come too late.

Hero lowers his head. Villain watches, hopeful.

Hero shoots back up, gasping, coughing, choking.

From the shore, Hero’s utility belt plays GOD BLESS AMERICA.

EXT. WHITE THREE-STORY BUILDING – DAY

A sign in front reads: ADVANCED SCIENCE INSTITUTE.

People file in and out of the entrance.

MAYOR (V.O.)
We think we can replicate
what happened last night.

INT. LAB – DAY

Hero and Villain lean against a counter in a sterile white room.
Mayor stands with SCIENTIST (60s), a seasoned nerd, glasses, timid,
probably has a KICK ME sign on his back. Both men wear dark goggles
on top of their heads.

To the Scientist’s left are three over-sized, clear chambers.

Scientist opens the door to the chamber closest to him.

SCIENTIST
Just step inside.

Hero makes the first move. Steps inside the chamber with ease.
He waits as Villain watches.

Hero holds out a hand. Come on.

Villain pushes himself away from the counter and steps inside the
chamber. Scientist closes the door; latches it.

Scientist walks to a panel with a giant pull-down lever. He presses
some buttons as Mayor watches beside him. Both men goggles over
their eyes.

Hero and Villain stand face to face.

VILLAIN
Are you going to tell us–

Scientist pulls down the lever.

LIGHTNING fills the chamber and Hero and Villain quake as the bolt
jars the shit out of them.

Scientist pushes the lever back.

Lighting stops and Hero’s and Villain’s knees buckle.

Goggles up. Mayor opens the chamber door, releasing a light gray
smoke.

Hero and Villain groan.

SCIENTIST
(eager)
Did it work?

Hero pulls himself up. He holds out a hand to Villain and helps him
stand.

Hero stares at a beaker on the counter. Beams shoot from his eyes and
the beaker explodes on impact.

Hero and Villain drop their heads back.

MAYOR
I guess it wasn’t the lightning.

Villain lifts his head.

VILLAIN
Wait! We were holding each
other!

Mayor raises an eyebrow.

Hero raises his head. Of course!

Hero and Villain start to embrace. It’s awkward.

HERO

No your arm was around my
shoulder.

Mayor and Scientist exchange looks.

HERO
My arm was around your waist.

VILLAIN
What was my other arm doing?

HERO
And bring your leg in.

Mayor and Scientist look back at the intertwined Supers.

VILLAIN
Okay, we’re ready.

Mayor latches the door shut. Takes his place by Scientist. Goggles
down.

Scientist pushes buttons; pulls the lever.

LIGHTING saturates the two Supers as they hang onto each other.

Lever and goggles back up.

Mayor opens the door. Hero and Villain are crumpled against the
wall of the chamber in each other’s arms.

SCIENTIST
(more eager)
Did it work?

The Supers groan and sigh as they help each other up.

Villain raises a hand in front of Hero’s face.

VILLAIN
I’ll try.

Villain stares at Mayor, who jumps out of the way.

MAYOR
Not me!

Hero points to a cabinet.

VILLAIN
It doesn’t work. I already saw
his breakfast.

Villain stands alert.

VILLAIN
Wait! It was raining!

LATER

Hero and Villain sit on stainless steel barstools.

Mayor and Scientist work to fit a hose and sprinkler to the top of
the chamber.

HERO
Your turn.

VILLAIN
I spy… something… old.

HERO
Mayor.

Mayor looks at Hero.

VILLAIN
Older.

MAYOR
Ooh, I know, I know.

Scientist looks at Mayor.

SCIENTIST
Alright. It’s ready.

Hero and Villain return to the chamber, wrapping their bodies
together. Mayor closes the chamber door.

HERO
Hold me tighter.

Mayor latches the door and switches on the hose. Water showers
the men in a steady downpour as Mayor takes his place by Scientist.
Goggles down.

Scientist reaches for the lever. Presses buttons. Mayor holds out a
hand.

Mayor asks a silent question with his eyes and Scientist nods. They
switch places. Mayor pulls the lever.

LIGHTNING fills the chamber, relentless and thoroughly.

Lever and goggles up.

Mayor opens the door. Hero points to Scientist as his knees buckle.

HERO
Don’t say it.

He rests his head on Villain’s shoulder. Villain’s head is already
resting against Hero’s chest.

SCIENTIST
(less eager)
Did it work?

VILLAIN
(to Hero)
Fucking had to say it.

A loud wet fart echoes through the chamber. Hero and Villain share
a look. Hero looks at Mayor and Scientist. Defeated.

HERO
Didn’t work.

Scientist drops his shoulders.

MAYOR
What else can we put in
there? You were on a building.
You were fighting! Try it
again… fighting!

HERO
No! No more!

He drops his head back to Villain’s shoulder.

HERO
(to Villain)
Bro, it still stinks though.

VILLAIN
Don’t try to make me feel
better.

EXT. COFFEE SHOP – LATE AFTERNOON

Hero and Villain people watch, drinking lattes.

VILLAIN
So you hesitate walking into
water, but saunter freely into
a lightning chamber. Interesting.

HERO
I’ve been hit with lightning before.
I’ve never breathed water before.

VILLAIN
No no no… You don’t breathe water,
you breathe while in water.

Villain gets into a staring contest with a DOG WALKER (20s), walking
five small dogs.

VILLAIN
Keep walking. Nothing to see here.

DOG WALKER
So, are you guys friends now?

VILLAIN
Beat it!

DOG WALKER hurries off.

HERO
Well look at us… They don’t know.

VILLAIN
Things aren’t always what they
seem. This is business.

Villain looks at the crowd.

VILLAIN
It’s business!

Villain sips his coffee.

VILLAIN
(continues to the crowd)
Pretty soon I’m gonna be robbing
your banks and kicking all your
asses again.
(points at an old lady)
You first!

Eyes wide, the OLD LADY clutches her purse to her breasts and
scurries off. Villain turns back to Hero.

VILLAIN
Don’t you ever get tired of
helping all these ingrates?

HERO
I’m their hero.

VILLAIN
Were there hero. You ain’t shit
now.

HERO
I’m still–

VILLAIN
Look at ‘em.

Hero looks over his shoulder. Fans who once adored, now gawk.

VILLAIN
They don’t know what to think
of you. But it ain’t hero.

HERO
They haven’t quit on me.

Villain leans forward.

VILLAIN
You ever wanted to not save
someone?

HERO
No.

VILLAIN
Like you been saving people all
day… a fiery car crash here, a
school bus full of kids trapped
under the ice there — and you
just wanna relax and see a movie
with your girl. Maybe get some
head in the theater.

Hero smiles.

VILLAIN
And then some woman comes
crying that her son fell into a well.
Don’t you ever just wanna say,
“Not today, lady, go fuck yourself!”

Hero chuckles. Shrugs.

HERO
Sometimes.

VILLAIN
Hey… Hit that guy.

Villain indicates across the street. Hero looks. A PUNK BULLY (12)
is picking on a LITTLE GIRL (8), keeping her doll from her while
she cries.

HERO
That kid?

VILLAIN
Go on, help her.

HERO
I don’t have to hurt him, to
help her.

Hero watches the Bully.

VILLAIN
Just his knees.

Hero focuses on the boy. Considers.

VILLAIN
And then–

BEAMS OF LIGHT shoot from Hero’s eyes and set the kids knees
ON FIRE!

Onlookers glare at Hero and Villain’s table.

HERO
And then, I’m both their hero.

Villain winks and clicks his tongue. Hero dashes across the street
to the Bully writhing on the ground.

VILLAIN
(over-dramatic)
Oh no, look what I did!

Hero covers Bully with his cape, pounds his kneecaps a little too hard
as Bully cries out.

Hero gives the doll to the little girl, then pounds Bully’s kneecaps once
more for good measure.

He walks back to the coffee shop.

A BARISTA (18) watches.

BARISTA
Aren’t you gonna take him to
the hospital?

HERO
Call an ambulance… I have to take
this Villain into custody.

Villain stands and puts his hands behind his back. Hero grabs his wrist
and leads him out.

EXT. STREET – LATE AFTERNOON

Hero and Villain walk side by side.

VILLAIN
It was fun wasn’t it?

Hero says nothing. His expression is unreadable.

The LCM News building is on the opposite street corner. An
electronic message scrolls: YOUR TRUSTED NEWS SOURCE. 74 F.
6:24 PM.

VILLAIN
You don’t have to say it.

Three flyers on a telephone pole: The Bearded Hipster. The black
man. The Asian Man. MISSING. Reward: $10,000.

Hero stops.

HERO
This you?

Villain stops.

VILLAIN
Man, I don’t kidnap people.
I kill them.

HERO
Who said they’re alive?

Hero studies him. Unsure.

He notices the LCM scrolling message: YOUR TRUSTED NEWS
SOURCE. 74 F. 6:25 PM.

HERO
Oh, shit!

INT. GRAND MORITZ RESTAURANT – NIGHT

Hero and Girlfriend sit at a dimly lit table for two. PIANO music in
the background. Candles. A WAITER pours wine.

Hero is in a tux, Girlfriend in a long silk dress.

Hero reaches in his right jacket pocket as the waiter nods at
Girlfriend; has nothing short of a smirk for Hero as he walks away.

HERO
We’ve been together a while,
babe.

She nods and picks up her wine glass.

GIRLFRIEND
It’s been a good run

With his left hand, he CLINKS his glass against hers. Drinks.

HERO
I think so too.

GIRLFRIEND
Honestly, it feels like it might be
time to move on.

Hero smiles, feeling a little giddy.

HERO
I’m glad you feel that way.

Girlfriend is sightly taken aback.

GIRLFRIEND
You are?

HERO
Yeah! We can’t keep going like
this.

GIRLFRIEND
No, we can’t. I need more.

HERO
Exactly. We need a change.

She nods. Resolved. Now she CLINKS her glass against his.

GIRLFRIEND
A new chapter.

He sets down his glass and reaches for her hand. She takes it and
smiles.

GIRLFRIEND
I’m so happy right now.

HERO
Darling, will you-

He starts to raise the ring box from his right pocket. She exhales a
deep sigh of relief.

GIRLFRIEND
I thought breaking up would
be harder than this.

Hero’s smile fades.

She cuts into her steak and takes a big bite. Hero is frozen.

GIRLFRIEND
Thank you for being so good
about it.

She sips wine.

GIRLFRIEND
I’m gonna miss you a little bit.

INT. HERO’S PENTHOUSE – NIGHT

Villain watches the news. LCM logo in the bottom corner of the
screen.

A pizza box, a six pack of beer minus two, and Villain’s feet are on
the coffee table. Two empty beer bottles next to him on the couch.

NEWS ANCHOR
Occupants of the apartment and
surrounding area were evacuated
for six hours until the gas leak was
repaired.

VILLAIN
Here’s your gas leak.

He lifts his right butt cheek and pushes. Nothing happens.

NEWS ANCHOR
Another local citizen, Mr.–

Villain grunts in disappointment.

VILLAIN
Pathetic.

NEWS ANCHOR
–who was last seen riding his
bicycle near the College.

Villain grabs another beer and cracks it open as a graphic of the
bearded hipster appears above the News Anchor’s right shoulder.
The same man from the lobby of the Mayor’s office.

Villain squints his eyes at the graphic. Looks familiar.

NEWS ANCHOR
Any information regarding–

Hero bursts in the front door, furious. Villain isn’t fazed.

VILLAIN
Aww.. she said no. Chin up,
buddy.

HERO
She broke up with me. Get your
fuckin’ feet off the table.

VILLAIN
Whoa, relax! I didn’t break up
with you.

Villain puts his feet on the floor. Hero pulls the velvet ring box from
his pocket. He throws it into…

HIS BEDROOM

The box bounces once and pops open. A second bounce under the
bed expels the ring.

The box bounces two more times, and the ring slides into an air vent
near the foot of the bed.

BACK TO THE LIVING ROOM

VILLAIN
Grab a beer. Sit down.

HERO
I wanna kill somebody right now!

Villain stands, pumped. Turns off the TV with the remote. He punches
his hand into his fist.

VILLAIN
Let’s do it!

Hero spots empty beer bottles on the couch. And a beer stain.

HERO
You.
(he growls)
I wanna kill you right now.

Hero charges and Villain jumps to the side.

VILLAIN
Truce!

Hero dives and knocks Villain down. Punches him hard across the
face.

VILLAIN
Listen, I know you’re hurting.

Villain shakes his head.

VILLAIN
Fuck, I wanna hit myself!

He forces inner rage and punches Hero back. Lifts a knee and jams
it into Hero’s balls. Hero winces and Villain flips him on his back.

He punches Hero, left and right, across the jaw and cheeks. A punch
for every word:

VILLAIN
We. Have. A. Truce. You. Dick!

Hero’s eyes grow red.

VILLAIN
Don’t you fucking dare.

Hero holds his gaze and Villain jumps back, as BEAMS OF LIGHT burn
two holes through the ceiling!

He gets up and charges Villain again, knocking a lamp over. Villain
ducks and blocks.

But a roundhouse kick to the abdomen sends Villain through the east
window!

Villain grabs desperately at the window sill and barely holds on. Hero
rests his foot on one of Villain’s hands, digging it into broken glass.

VILLAIN
If I fall, you don’t get shit back!

HERO
Why don’t you fly?

VILLAIN
I can’t fucking fly! That’s why
I’m here, goddammit!

HERO
Thought it was the empathy.

VILLAIN
You wanna be the hero again?
A hero doesn’t do this.

Hero counts off on his fingers.

HERO
Respect. Adoration. Powers. Insane
good looks. Girlfriend.
(beat)
I’ve already lost everything.

Hero pushes his foot hard into Villain’s hand, kicking it off the sill.
Villain reaches up again. But Hero’s already kicked his other hand off.

VILLAIN
Fuck–

EXT. HERO’S PENTHOUSE – SAME

Villain falls, gaining velocity.

He turns his body, and puts his arms forward and concentrates.

VILLAIN
Come on come on come on…

And SPLAT! Face first into the sidewalk, barely missing passersby.

They scream and scatter.

Sidewalk crumpled, Villain groans and slowly pushes himself
upward, arms shaking like wet noodles.

VILLAIN
Asshole.

He rolls over and looks up at the top of the building. Face bloody.
Nose broken.

Of course Hero is not visible on the 40th floor. Villain shouts up to
the penthouse.

VILLAIN

ASS—

An empty BEER BOTTLE comes into view and hits Villain square in
the face. His head drops back on the cement.

He covers his face with his arms as another bottle sails toward him.

INT. HERO’S PENTHOUSE – SAME

Hero snatches Villain’s open beer off the coffee table with satisfaction. Chugs it.

HERO
(mocking/baby voice)
A hero doesn’t do this.

He lowers the bottle and sees his reflection in the mirror. He
laughs.

HERO
He’s gonna tell me what a hero is.

Hero stares. Frowns.

Shadows in the apartment darken parts of his face. His eyes look
stern.
Scary. His REFLECTION judges him.

HERO’S REFLECTION
He’s right. You’re no hero.

His reflection turns and walks away.

Hero GASPS and snaps out of it. His startled reflection staring back
proper.

Hero throws down the bottle and rushes out the door.

EXT. STREET – NIGHT

Villain walks down the sidewalk. His injuries are healing right before

our eyes.

Hero appears beside him. Walks in stride, says nothing.

VILLAIN
You let me fall.

HERO
What’s the problem? You lived.
We both knew you’d live.

Villain stops. Flabbergasted.

VILLAIN
It’s not about me living. It’s
about you lying. We had a truce.
(beat)
I trusted you. And I’ve never
trusted anyone.

Villain starts walking again.

VILLAIN
And how fair is that? You can run
with bullet speed. Easy. You can
use heat vision. Easy. Farts… no
problem. You think I can fly? Ah,
no, I can go fuck myself.

Hero takes Villain’s shoulder. Villain pulls away.

VILLAIN
But seeing through people’s
skin? Easy. Empathy? Easy.

HERO
I’m sorry.

VILLAIN
Eat shit.

Villain starts again. People gather in amazement. Hero and
Villain — arguing??

HERO
I’ve never felt like this before.
(beat)
I’ve never had to struggle with
rage and wanting to cause
harm. It took over. I know you
know what that’s like.

VILLAIN
Well, I know feeling rage and
harm. But it’s never a struggle.

HERO
Please forgive me.

Gasps from onlookers. Hero and Villain — making up??

VILLAIN
I– don’t know what that means.

HERO
Give me another chance.
(beat)
I promise we’ll fix this. Somehow.

Villain sighs, scrapes the toe of his foot on the ground.

VILLAIN
I don’t know.

HERO
I’ll never do that again.

VILLAIN
I’m fucking gone for real if you do.

Hero motions his head back up the street, toward his apartment
building.

HERO
There’s still a few more beers.

Villain smiles. They make their way back to Hero’s place as Hero
puts his arm around Villains shoulder.

Onlookers exchange confused glances. Someone SNAPS a picture.

HERO
You know, you also got more
handsome.

ONLOOKER
(amongst the others)
What the fuck..?

INT. FASHIOS BOUTIQUE – MORNING

Girlfriend and Coworker stare at the newspaper on the counter.

Front page shows a picture of Hero and Villain from behind. Hero’s
arm around Villain’s shoulder; headline reads: HERO AND VILLAIN
LOVERS!

GIRLFRIEND
This explains a lot.

INT. HERO’S PENTHOUSE – SAME

Hero sleeps in the bed, Villain on the couch.

Villain’s nose curls.

VILLAIN
(sleep talking)
Alright… everyone down.

Villain snores. Stirs. He opens his eyes and stretches. He chokes mid-yawn.

VILLAIN
Oh, God!
(beat)
How that not a power?

He pulls up his blanket and covers his nose.

INT. LAB – DAY [PLACEHOLDER]

Scientist and mayor talk.

We see Mayor’s plan to get rid of Hero, and Scientist’s ability to place lightning.

Here we learn that Mayor wants Hero dead (for reasons I am still working out) and lightning was intended only for Hero.

We see it didn’t kill Hero, but it scrambled his powers. Was this because it hit Villain too?

Mayor still wants Hero out of the picture.

I will be expanding on this, but it will likely start with something simple like Mayor is trying to advance in his career, but his low crime rate is not credited to him, it is credited to Hero. Mayor is tired of hero receiving all the credit, and simply being seen as useless. If he can get rid of Hero himself and then Villain also, the glory will finally be his.

INT. HERO’S PENTHOUSE / LIVING ROOM – DAY

Hero makes breakfast.

Villain walks in the front door.

HERO
Where were you?

VILLAIN
I had to get something.

Villain goes to the kitchen, visibly unsettled.

VILLAIN
I know what happened.
(beat)
You’re not gonna like it.

Hero sets down the spatula.

VILLAIN
I felt something when we were
fighting. When the lightning
struck.
(beat)
The same thing happens to you
that happens to me.

Villain struggles to say it.

VILLAIN
It’s exhilarating. Stimulating.

Realization sets in. Hero starts shaking his head.

HERO
No.

Villain just stares.

HERO
Hell no.

Hero walks to the living room.

HERO
Why don’t we throw you off some
more buildings ‘till you learn how
to fly?

VILLAIN
It’s not sexual.

Hero snaps back.

HERO
I know it’s not sexual!

VILLAIN
They touched.

Hero brings his face to his hands.

VILLAIN
One more time in the chamber.

HERO
Why? WHY is that the answer?!

VILLAIN
Think about it… there’s no one
like us. We’re like gods. It wasn’t
just the lightning, or the rain…
something about us had to trigger it.
Something special was the catalyst.
(beat)
I don’t like it either, but what else
could it be?

Hero approaches. Shoulders dropped.

He stands face to face with the villain. Softens his eyes.

HERO
So… how do you wanna do this?

Villain pushes him away.

VILLAIN
Not that way!

Villain takes pills out of his pocket.

INT. LAB – LATER

Scientist watches as Villain steps inside the lightning chamber. Their
boners are barely visible through their suits.

Hero frowns.

VILLAIN
Come on, big guy. Get in here
and hug me.

Mayor stands at the water connection. Scientist waits by the control
panel.

MAYOR
So what makes this one special?

HERO
It’s not special.

He approaches the chamber.

SCIENTIST
So nothing’s different?

VILLAIN
We were hard.

Hero’s eyes go wide. He rushes inside the chamber.

HERO
–Hard-pressed to figure this out.

He shuts the chamber door and Mayor latches it.

Villain open his arms. Hero takes a deep breath. Goes in for the hug.

Both men stand in each other’s arms, Hero’s ass at a distance, pressed
against the chamber wall.

VILLAIN
It’s not sexual.

HERO
Please stop talking.

VILLAIN
Alright… on the count of three.

Hero nods.

VILLAIN
One… two… three.

Hero scooches his feet closer.

Finally, Villain sighs and grabs Hero’s ass, pulls him in close.

They hold.

VILLAIN
Time for our shower.

HERO
Shut. Up.

Villain looks at Mayor and nods. The simulated downpour starts.

Goggles down, Mayor goes to Scientist, who pulls the lever.

LIGHTNING fills the chamber. Hero and Villain hold and endure.

Lever and goggles up. Mayor opens the chamber door.

Villain looks at a cabinet with a solid door. X-ray vision reveals
supplies: beakers, test tubes, Bunsen burners.

He looks at Hero, apologetic and dejected. Shakes his head.

Hero pulls back and punches Villain in the face. The back of Villain’s
head cracks the wall of the chamber.

Hero storms out of the room.

Villain steps out of the chamber.

VILLAIN
Thanks, guys.

As he passes, the Mayor takes Villain by the arm.

MAYOR
Let’s talk.

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S ACT 2 TP – MIDPOINT

What I learned is:

1. The Midpoint changes everything. In this story, I have decided to make the Mayor the actual and unexpected antagonist.

2. My midpoint is only a placeholder at this point. This is very rudimentary, but I allowed it to slow me because I wanted to figure out the intricacies and complexities, and this goes against the conventions of high-speed writing.

INT. LAB – DAY [PLACEHOLDER]

Scientist and Mayor talk.

We see Mayor’s plan to get rid of Hero, and Scientist’s ability to place lightning.

Here we learn that Mayor wants Hero dead (for reasons I am still working out) and lightning was intended only for Hero.
We see it didn’t kill Hero, but it scrambled his powers. Was this because it hit Villain too?

Mayor still wants Hero out of the picture.

I will be expanding on this, but it will likely start with something simple like Mayor is trying to advance in his career, but his low crime rate is not credited to him, it is credited to Hero. Mayor is tired of hero receiving all the credit, and simply being seen as useless. If he can get rid of Hero himself and then Villain also, the glory will finally be his.

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S HORROR PLOT

What I learned is that establishing plot points helps eliminate holes and rewrites. It ensures that the most important elements of the horror experience are covered.

ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR
Atmosphere of Evil established
Probably start with a prologue. Circa 1950. Father and son landscapers will go to a house to remove a tree in the back yard, by a creek. A “freak accident” will kill the father and maim the son.
Connect with the characters
Present Day. We meet the teenagers who want to experience new things and have fun! There’s a new place to party, and who could resist? We can see ourselves in some of them, our friends in others, and people we want to strangle in others.
The characters are warned not to do it.
Remember the maimed son from the prologue? Well, now he’s the hometown 80-year old, one-armed, crazy guy. He’s homeless, and he overhears the kids’ conversation and warns them not to go to the house. But he’s just a homeless, drunk, one-armed crazy guy… so who cares!
But some of the girls are also unsure.
Denial of Horror
Despite the kids being afraid, THE LEADER convinces them all the stories are just urban legends and tells them not to be babies. Besides the guys will be there to keep the girls safe (wink, wink).
Safety taken away
The OBNOXIOUS TEEN will tag the house (spray paint). But after much time, he hasn’t returned… the kids will investigate…
Monster: The nature of the beast.
While looking for the OBNOXIOUS TEEN they find weird creepy shit inside the house. Odors. Bugs. Sounds. Shadows. Whispers. Reflections. Bad things have happened here…

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN
Isolated / Trapped / Abducted
Now that everyone is inside, the house has the kids where it wants them.
One of us killed
OBNOXIOUS TEEN is missing (but he’s dead) – he hasn’t been found yet. When everyone goes into the house to look for him, The INTROVERT will stay behind at the creek, because the house looks too scary. But then she gets more scared alone in the dark by the creek and changes her mind. But it’s too late. She’s killed by the monster (and later comes to the house to terrorize).
TWO DOWN – SIX LEFT
MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought!
Full pursuit by the killer
The monster reveals itself to some horny teens who have stolen themselves away to another room
TWO MORE WILL DIE HERE. FOUR LEFT
Terrorized
No one can hide and no one can escape

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR
Fight to the death
THE COMPLAINER offers up THE SACRIFICAL LAMB and thinks she’s escaped, but the monster gets her at the last moment. TWO DOWN. TWO LEFT.
Hysteria
Hysteria reigns supreme!
The thrilling escape from death
The LEADER makes it outside, leaving THE MORAL ONE BEHIND. The house lets him go. He thinks it’s because he figured out some puzzle. He runs for it…
Death returns to take one or more.
… and the monster that killed the introvert now claims his life.
Resolution
The Moral One is alive, in the house, kept by the house. Held prisoner by the monster in THE INTROVERT’S shell. It wants her baby… alive.

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S ACT 2 MIDDLE SCENES

What I learned is that it’s important to follow a structure and it’s important to constantly remind myself that this is a first draft and to just keep moving forward!

Key Scene(s) 2: Protagonist takes on a plan and executes it.
I have included two back-to-back scenes here that emphasize following a new plan and failing.
1. The first, Hero has agreed to work with Villain to try and teach each other their powers after they got switched when they were struck by lightning in the middle of a battle.
2. The Mayor and Scientist are trying to recreate the event, in an attempt to have the powers switched back to their original owners.

EXT. THE LAKE – DAY

Hero and Villain in a remote area, standing at the water’s edge.

VILLAIN
Just put your head under and
breathe.

HERO
Bullshit.

VILLAIN
I swear, that’s all I do.

Hero reluctantly undresses down to his boxer briefs. He steps
carefully into the water.

HERO
Don’t you walk on this?

VILLAIN
One thing at a time.

Hero takes another step.

VILLAIN
Get in there!

Hero hesitates. Villain puts the pieces together.

VILLAIN
Oh. My. God.
(beat)
You can’t swim.

HERO
I don’t need to swim. I can fly.

VILLAIN
No you can’t.

Hero takes a step.

VILLAIN
But if you can’t swim, what
was that shit you were doing
last night?

HERO
Flying. I flew into the water,
(swoops a hand downward)
and I flew out of the water.
(swoops a hand upward)

VILLAIN
Oh…
(beat)
Well then just get on your
hands and knees and put
your face in it.

Hero crouches down. Reluctant. He sees his fearful face in the
reflection. He can’t look himself in the eyes.

He slowly brings his face closer. He stares at the rocky floor of
the lake, his nose inches away from the surface of the water.

Villain kneels beside him and slaps his hand on the back of
Hero’s head, shoving his face under.

Hero flails and comes back up, water sputters from his lips.

HERO
The fuck!?

VILLAIN
No swimming required!

HERO
Don’t push me!

VILLAIN
Then put your head in there
and breathe!

Hero forces his face back under. A second later he lifts
his head and projectile vomits lake water and tadpoles.

He gags, chokes, and coughs.

VILLAIN
Again!

HERO
Fuck you, “again”! I can’t do it!

VILLAIN
You try once and quit?

Hero gets up in Villain’s face.

HERO
I can’t breathe under water!
I’m not sure how many tries I’m
allowed!

Hero stands and Villain follows suit. Hero pushes him in the chest.
Villain stumbles.

HERO
How ‘bout we try flying?

Another push.

HERO
Just put your hands out and
jump!

Another push. Villain falls into the water.

HERO
Is that all you got?

Hero points to the hills.

HERO
Or how ‘bout we go to the hilltop
and I fucking push. you. off?!

Villain puts his hands up.

VILLAIN
I’m sorry. I was just trying to help.

Hero breathes… collects himself.

HERO
Then tell me how to do it.

Villain is at a loss for words.

VILLAIN
I just… put my head under and
breathe.

Hero grits his teeth and rubs his forehead. Not the answer he
wanted. He crouches down again.

VILLAIN
How do you fly?

HERO
I just… raise my fist to the sky,
and I will myself to fly.

Villain, still on his ass, leans in closer.

VILLAIN
It’s the same thing. Just will
yourself to breathe.

Hero looks back at the water. Hovers his face over the surface.

Hero turns his head to Villain.

HERO
And don’t piss in here.

Villain looks away. Hero’s order has come too late.

Hero lowers his head. Villain watches, hopeful.

Hero shoots back up, gasping, coughing, choking.

From the shore, Hero’s utility belt plays GOD BLESS AMERICA.

EXT. WHITE THREE-STORY BUILDING – DAY

A sign in front reads: ADVANCED SCIENCE INSTITUTE.

People file in and out of the entrance.

MAYOR (V.O.)
We think we can replicate what happened last night.

INT. LAB – DAY

Hero and Villain lean against a counter in a sterile white room.
Mayor stands with SCIENTIST (60s), a seasoned nerd, glasses, timid,
probably has a KICK ME sign on his back. Both men wear dark
goggles on top of their heads.

To the Scientist’s left are three over-sized, clear chambers.

Scientist opens the door to the chamber closest to him.

SCIENTIST
Just step inside.

Hero makes the first move. Steps inside the chamber with ease. He
waits as Villain watches.

Hero holds out a hand. Come on.

Villain pushes himself away from the counter and steps inside the
chamber. Scientist closes the door; latches it.

Scientist walks to a panel with a giant pull-down lever. He presses
some buttons as Mayor watches beside him. Both men goggles over
their eyes.

Hero and Villain stand face to face.

VILLAIN
Are you going to tell us–

Scientist pulls down the lever.

LIGHTNING fills the chamber and Hero and Villain quake as the bolt
jars the shit out of them.

Scientist pushes the lever back.

Lighting stops and Hero’s and Villain’s knees buckle.

Goggles up. Mayor opens the chamber door, releasing a light gray
smoke.

Hero and Villain groan.
SCIENTIST
(eager)
Did it work?

Hero pulls himself up. He holds out a hand to Villain and helps him
stand.

Hero stares at a beaker on the counter. Beams shoot from his eyes
and the beaker explodes on impact.

Hero and Villain drop their heads back.

MAYOR
I guess it wasn’t the lightning.

Villain lifts his head.

VILLAIN
Wait! We were holding each other!

Mayor raises an eyebrow.

Hero raises his head. Of course!

Hero and Villain start to embrace. It’s awkward.

HERO
No your arm was around my
shoulder.

Mayor and Scientist exchange looks.

HERO
My arm was around your waist.

VILLAIN
What was my other arm doing?

HERO
And bring your leg in.

Mayor and Scientist look back at the intertwined Supers.

VILLAIN
Okay, we’re ready.

Mayor latches the door shut. Takes his place by Scientist. Goggles
down.

Scientist pushes buttons; pulls the lever.

LIGHTING saturates the two Supers as they hang onto each other.

Lever and goggles back up.

Mayor opens the door. Hero and Villain are crumpled against the
wall of the chamber in each other’s arms.

SCIENTIST
(more eager)
Did it work?

The Supers groan and sigh as they help each other up.

Villain raises a hand in front of Hero’s face.

VILLAIN
I’ll try.

Villain stares at Mayor, who jumps out of the way.

MAYOR
Not me!

Hero points to a cabinet.

VILLAIN
It doesn’t work. I already saw his
breakfast.

Villain stands alert.

VILLAIN
Wait! It was raining!

LATER

Hero and Villain sit on stainless steel barstools.

Mayor and Scientist work to fit a hose and sprinkler to the top
of the chamber.

HERO
Your turn.

VILLAIN
I spy… something… old.

HERO
Mayor.

Mayor looks at Hero.

VILLAIN
Older.

MAYOR
Ooh, I know, I know.

Scientist looks at Mayor.

SCIENTIST
Alright. It’s ready.

Hero and Villain return to the chamber, wrapping their bodies
together.
Mayor closes the chamber door.

HERO
Hold me tighter.

Mayor latches the door and switches on the hose. Water showers
the men in a steady downpour as Mayor takes his place by Scientist.
Goggles down.

Scientist reaches for the lever. Presses buttons. Mayor holds out a
hand to stop him.
Mayor asks a silent question with his eyes and Scientist nods. They
switch places. Mayor pulls the lever.

LIGHTNING fills the chamber, relentless and thoroughly.

Lever and goggles up.

Mayor opens the door. Hero points to Scientist as his knees buckle.

HERO
Don’t say it.

He rests his head on Villain’s shoulder. Villain’s head is already resting
against Hero’s chest.

SCIENTIST
(less eager)
Did it work?

VILLAIN
(to Hero)
Fucking had to say it.

A loud wet fart echoes through the chamber. Hero and Villain share a
look.
Hero looks at Mayor and Scientist. Defeated.

HERO
Didn’t work.

Scientist drops his shoulders.

MAYOR
What else can we put in there?
You were on a building. You were
fighting! Try it again… fighting!

HERO
No! No more!

He drops his head back to Villain’s shoulder.

HERO
(to Villain)
Bro, it still stinks though.

VILLAIN
Don’t try to make me feel better.

Key Scene 3: Not only does their plan fail, but…

Hero starts turning into a bad guy…
In this scene, Hero has just been dumped by his girlfriend and he’s mad as hell…

INT. HERO’S PENTHOUSE – NIGHT

Villain watches the news. LCM logo in the bottom corner of the
screen.

A pizza box, a six pack of beer minus two, and Villain’s feet are on
the coffee table. Two empty beer bottles next to him on the couch.

NEWS ANCHOR
Occupants of the apartment and
surrounding area were evacuated
for six hours until the gas leak was
repaired.

VILLAIN
Here’s your gas leak.

He lifts his right butt cheek and pushes. Nothing happens.

NEWS ANCHOR
Another local citizen, Mr.–

Villain grunts in disappointment.

VILLAIN
Pathetic.

NEWS ANCHOR
–who was last seen riding his
bicycle near the College.

Villain grabs another beer and cracks it open as a graphic of the
bearded hipster appears above the News Anchor’s right shoulder.
The same man from the lobby of the Mayor’s office.

NEWS ANCHOR
Any information regarding–

Hero bursts in the front door, furious. Villain isn’t fazed.

VILLAIN
Aww.. she said no. Chin up,
buddy.

HERO
She broke up with me. Get
your fuckin’ feet off the table.

VILLAIN
Whoa, relax! I didn’t break up
with you.

Villain puts his feet on the floor. Hero pulls the velvet ring box
from his pocket. He throws it into…

HIS BEDROOM

The box bounces once and pops open. A second bounce under
the bed expels the ring.

The box bounces two more times, and
the ring slides into an air vent near the foot of the bed.

BACK TO THE LIVING ROOM

VILLAIN
Grab a beer. Sit down.

HERO
I wanna kill somebody right
now!

Villain stands, pumped. Turns off the TV with the remote. He
punches his hand into his fist.

VILLAIN
Let’s do it!

Hero spots empty beer bottles on the couch. And a beer stain.

HERO
You.
(he growls)
I wanna kill you right now.

Hero charges and Villain jumps to the side.

VILLAIN
Truce!

Hero dives and knocks Villain down. Punches him hard across the
face.

VILLAIN
Listen, I know you’re hurting.

Villain shakes his head.

VILLAIN
Fuck, I wanna hit myself!

He forces inner rage and punches Hero back. Lifts a knee and jams
it into Hero’s balls. Hero winces and Villain flips him on his back.

He punches Hero, left and right, across the jaw and cheeks. A punch
for every word:

VILLAIN
We. Have. A. Truce. You. Dick!

Hero’s eyes grow red.

VILLAIN
Don’t you fucking dare.

Hero holds his gaze and Villain jumps back, as BEAMS OF LIGHT burn
two holes through the ceiling!

He gets up and charges Villain again, knocking a lamp over. Villain
ducks and blocks.

But a roundhouse kick to the abdomen sends Villain through the front
window!

Villain grabs desperately at the window sill and barely holds on. Hero
rests his foot on one of Villain’s hands, digging it into broken glass.

VILLAIN
If I fall, you don’t get shit back!

HERO
Why don’t you fly?

VILLAIN
I can’t fucking fly! That’s why I’m
here, goddammit!

HERO
Thought it was the empathy.

VILLAIN
You wanna be the hero again?
A hero doesn’t do this.

Hero counts off on his fingers.

HERO
Respect. Adoration. Powers. Insane
good looks. Girlfriend.
(beat)
I’ve already lost everything.

Hero pushes his foot hard into Villain’s hand, kicking it off the sill.
Villain reaches up again. But Hero’s already kicked his other hand off.

VILLAIN
Fuck–

EXT. HERO’S PENTHOUSE – SAME

Villain falls, gaining velocity.

He turns his body, and puts his arms forward and concentrates.

VILLAIN
Come on come on come on…

And SPLAT! Face first into the sidewalk, barely missing passersby.

They scream and scatter.

Sidewalk crumpled, Villain groans and slowly pushes himself upward,
arms shaking like wet noodles.

VILLAIN
Asshole.

He rolls over and looks up at the top of the building. Face bloody. Nose
broken.

Of course Hero is not visible on the 40th floor . Villain shouts up to the
penthouse.

VILLAIN
ASS—

An empty BEER BOTTLE comes into view and hits Villain square in the
face. His head drops back on the cement.

He covers his face with his arms as another bottle sails toward him.

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S ACT 2 REACTION TO TP 1

What I learned is that Act 2 doesn’t just continue the story; it raises the stakes. My Hero needs to be outside his comfort zone, get locked in, and has no choice but to move forward.

In summary, Act 1 introduced us to Hero and Villain, mortal enemies, mid fight after Villain has once again broken the law. Getting struck by lightning at the same time caused a freak switching of powers, and now neither Super knows how to function. Villain, out of shear desperation, has called on Hero for help.

INT. HERO’S PENTHOUSE – DAY

Hero sits on the couch, head in his hands as Villain paces incessantly. Two open beer bottles on the coffee table.

VILLAIN
I don’t know what happened,
but I can’t do shit anymore.

Villain grabs his beer.

VILLAIN (CONT’D)
I tried to burn you and all I did
was see your skull. I tried
breathing under water, and I
nearly drowned.
(beat)
And I need to get my money.

Hero stares at the floor.

HERO
Not your money.

VILLAIN
I was gonna kill a guy today and
I couldn’t.

Hero looks up. Villain is disgusted.

VILLAIN (CONT’D)
I felt bad for him.
(beat)
What the fuck is that?!

HERO
Empathy.

He gets up in Hero’s face.

VILLAIN
I know what it is, asshole.
I don’t. Fucking. Want. Empathy.

Villain stares daggers, then recoils.

VILLAIN (CONT’D)
Ugh! There’s your goddamn eye
sockets again.

He slaps Hero’s head and stands back up.

Villain realizes. Points to Hero.

VILLAIN (CONT’D)
You can’t fly. That’s why you fell
off that building.

Hero gives a single nod.

VILLAIN (CONT’D)
How’s your x-ray vision doing?

HERO
Hit me again and I’ll show you.

Villain drops to his knees, throws his hands to the sky.

VILLAIN
I knew it! We switched!

But then he smiles a little.

VILLAIN (CONT’D)
You get the farts?

Hero rolls his eyes. Grabs his beer.

HERO
How is that even a power?

VILLAIN
Puts a bank full of people to sleep
in seconds.

HERO
So what do you want from me?

VILLAIN
Truce.

Hero drinks. Laughs.

VILLAIN (CONT’D)
‘Til we figure this out.

HERO
Work together?

VILLAIN
You teach me, I teach you.

HERO
Why don’t we try to switch back?

VILLAIN
Okay, yeah, when there’s another
lightning storm we can go play in it.
(beat)
But unless you’ve figured it out on
your end, we need each other.

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S FINISHED ACT 1

What I learned is that the most important thing is to get the first draft down. I hate most of my dialogue, and it overall the story feels like it falls short in many places, but I have the bulk of it down and perfection will come later. The point is to keep moving forward. (I confess, I had to stop myself from wordsmithing on more than one occasion!)

EXT. A HIGHRISE BUILDING – LATE AFTERNOON

A luxury apartment highrise. A penthouse takes up the entire top floor.

INT. HERO’S PENTHOUSE / LIVING ROOM – SAME

A loft, ballroom layout. Simple, yet high-class design throughout. Windows all around show a stunning view of the city.

An upbeat WHISTLING comes from the bedroom.

INT. HERO’S PENTHOUSE / BEDROOM – SAME

HERO (30s), Caucasian, stands before a full-length mirror with wet hair and a towel wrapped around his waist.

He stops whistling and admires himself. Tight muscles, ripped abs, unnatural good looks.

Steam dissipates from the bathroom beside him.

He pops his pecs, right, then left, in a rhythmic dance. Winks at his reflection, and wait… was that a kiss?

INT. HERO’S PENTHOUSE / LIVING ROOM – SAME

Hero stands before a bureau. Wears form fitting tights, black and gold. Cape. Utility belt. Puts on his watch. Pockets a cell phone.

He opens a small, velvet jewelry box; reveals a 4-carat diamond ring.

Pockets it.

He runs his fingers through his hair. It’s perfect. Goes to the front door.

EXT. CITY STREETS – LATE AFTERNOON

Hero signs autographs amidst throngs of fans under a cloudy sky.

He points finger guns at admirers and poses for selfies with his million-dollar smile.

On his arm is GIRLFRIEND (20s). Trophy. Self-absorbed. Sequined dress. She basks in Hero’s limelight as if it were her own.

A flyer is stapled to a nearby telephone pole. A BLACK MAN (30s) MISSING. Reward: $10,000.

FAN 1
Where you headed?

Hero’s voice is deep and commanding.

HERO
We’re flying to Paris.

A beat as he looks at his doe-eyed girlfriend.

HERO
I have a special evening planned.

A TRUMPETED rendition of GOD BLESS AMERICA sounds and the crowd quiets in response.

Hero pulls the cell phone from his utility belt.

HERO
Mayor.

Hero listens, his face gets stern, a little embellished for the sake of the onlookers. Hero hangs up and puffs out his chest.

HERO
Duty calls.

The crowd waits with bated breath as Hero checks his watch and turns to his now pouty girlfriend.

HERO
I won’t be long.

The crowd “AWWs” as he pulls her in at the waist and kisses her, like the hero that he is.

Without further ado, he raises his fist to the sky, and flies off like a rocket, ruffling skirts and blowing hats from heads.

THUNDER RUMBLES IN THE DISTANCE.

EXT. BANK – LATE AFTERNOON

An alarm goes off inside the building as VILLAIN (30s), African American, tight braids, emerges from the front doors. Dark gray and black tights.

He carries a large silver case. He is confident, also ripped, but nature has been less aesthetically kind to him. He’s rough around the edges.

He’s relaxed, and no one is around to stop him. SIRENS approaching from the distance.

A flyer is stapled to a telephone pole. A BLONDE MAN (20s) MISSING. Reward: $10,000.

He turns to the right, stopping abruptly as Hero lands in front of him.

No words. Just searing eye contact. Hero swings! Villain blocks the blow with the case, denting it.

Villain spins and brings the case around again, hitting hero in the side of the head.

Hero takes a step back and Villain sees a CITIZEN roughly 50 feet beyond, gawking.

VILLAIN
Looks like you have a more urgent matter to tend to.

Villain focuses, eyes glowing red. LIGHT shoots out and Hero turns around to see the gawker burst into FLAMES!

The man screams and runs as Hero gives chase.

Villain chuckles. That was too easy. He turns the other way and takes off running at bullet speed.

Hero reaches the flaming man and tackles him. Covers him with his cape.

Police cars and an ambulance turn the corner.

Hero stands, cradling the man in his arms.

Emergency response vehicles stop to render aid.

MORE THUNDER. CLOSER. DISTANT LIGHTNING.

EXT. ROOFTOP – SUNSET

Hero scans the streets. A light rain falls as thick dark clouds roll in overhead.

Hero’s x-ray vision sees through buildings. Reveals Villain in the distance, running at high speed toward the edge of the city.

Rolling hills and a large lake in the distance. Hero flies after him.

EXT. SUBURBS – SUNSET

Villain runs. Rain is now coming down hard.

Behind Villain, Hero flies in fast. Sounds like an incoming FIGHTER JET.

Villain checks over his shoulder and makes a sharp left.

Hero follows as Villain reaches the edge of the lake, then SPRINTS across the surface of the water!

A cave is barely visible in the distant hillside.

Hero narrows the gap.

VILLAIN
How bout we go for a swim?

Villain plunges into the lake. Hero follows like a guided missile.

UNDERWATER

Hero reaches Villain and head-butts him in his thoracic spine, thrusting him further into his descent. Villain turns to face Hero as he continues closing in.

Villain kicks Hero in the face and chest.

Villain drops the steel case and grabs Hero’s arm, twisting him and putting him in a headlock.

Hero pulls forward; flips Villain over his head. And as Villain’s body comes out of its roll, Hero heel kicks him in the chin.

Villain takes a deep breath and smiles with confidence as he sees Hero struggling for air. Hero extends an arm upward. Swims urgently toward the top. Villain follows.

Villain grabs Hero’s ankles just as Hero leaves the water.

ABOVE THE LAKE

Hero flies upward as Villain holds.

Tall buildings line the shore. They’re closing in.

VILLAIN
It’s been a nice ride, He, but I gotta get back to my bounty!

Villain releases himself, turns to a diving position as he nears the water.

Hero comes in and grabs Villain’s waist, swooping him back.

HERO
Ride’s not over, Vil.

He hurls Villain toward the shore, in a fast-pitch sidearm motion, and Villain smashes into a spire at the top of a highrise.

The spire breaks and crumbles to the rooftop, along with Villain.

EXT. HIGH RISE / ROOFTOP – NIGHTFALL

As Hero arrives, Villain stands waiting on spire rubble.

Hero grabs Villain’s incoming swing by the wrist. Gives an elbow strike. Twists Villain’s arm behind his back, spinning him round. Punches him in the side of the head.

Hero takes Villain by the throat and pulls him to the ground, straddles to pin him.

Lightning in the distance as Villain kicks Hero in the abdomen. Flips Hero over his shoulders.

Villain takes to his feet and punches Hero across the face, a sharp ring cuts deep into his flesh. Almost instantly the wound heals itself.

More blows. The fight is rough, old school. Gritty.

Rain turns to downpour as the two Supers let loose with Punches and blocks, kicks and ducks, body slams.

Finally, at their feet, they’re holding on to each other. Bodies and arms locked tightly together, in an embrace of will and strength. Torso to torso, hip to hip, utility belt to utility belt.

And then… LIGHTNING!

Bright LIGHT breaks the sky overhead, and a jagged bolt consumes the two men.

The jolt releases their stronghold, and they drop to the ground, jarred.

It seems to have taken a toll on them both. Villain stands, worse for the wear. He kicks Hero in the chest and goes for the fire escape.

But Hero rushes him. And before he can reach the ladder, Hero throws his arm around Villain’s waist, extends the other arm forward, and leaps off the rooftop, soaring outward…

And SLAMMING to the ground!

Sidewalk crumpled; Villain sits up.

VILLAIN
What the fuck was that?

Hero is dazed. Laying on his back staring up at the sky. Rain splashing his bewildered face.

Villain glares at Hero, staring at him with heat vision that refuses to work. Instead, he sees Hero’s skull. He yells and scrambles to his feet.

Villain turns and runs west… at NORMAL SPEED! He panics as he turns the corner.

He leans against a building wall, hyperventilating.

VILLAIN
(quietly freaking out)
What’s wrong with me??

Hero stands as Villain rounds the corner. He raises an arm, determination setting in his eyes. He takes a deep concentrated breath and leans forward.

He isn’t moving.

He lowers his arm.

HERO
The hell..?

He looks around. He’s surprised and embarrassed at the crowd that has gathered. Mouths covered, pointing, aghast.

WOMAN
He can’t fly!

Hero swallows hard and extends his arm, with the same result.

MAN
No way!

Hero heads east, head down. Gobsmacked.

He rounds a corner and checks back over his shoulder. The crowd has repositioned itself down the street, watching him leave.

He runs — takes off at BULLET SPEED! And SLAMS into a building.

As bricks crumble around him, he drops on his ass, further stunned.

LAUGHTER from behind him.

MAN
He’s broken!

Another MISSING PERSON FLYER is stapled to a telephone pole. AN ASIAN MAN (40s) MISSING. Reward: $10,000.

INT. METRO BUS (MOVING) – SAME

Filled with PASSENGERS. BUS DRIVER hums and taps the wheel as he navigates through the streets.

Through the windshield, a battered Villain steps out into the middle of the road.

Bus Driver yells out in alarm and SLAMS ON THE BREAKS. The bus screeches and skids to a halt. Passengers GASP and complain as they are thrown forward.

BUS DRIVER
Everyone off the bus!!

He opens front and rear doors as Villain approaches.

Passengers and Bus Driver scream and flee in all directions.

Villain climbs aboard and takes a seat at the wheel. Shuts the doors.

In the rearview mirror, he spots a MAN (20s) frozen in fear.

VILLAIN
(vile)
GET OUT!

The man whimpers and scrambles to the rear door, fumbles it open and drops to the ground outside.

Villain drives onward. Focused. Angry.

He doesn’t notice that his bruises and wounds are healing in real time.

INT. HERO’S PENTHOUSE / LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Girlfriend sits on the couch as Hero paces. The TV is on in the living room at low volume.

A NEWS ANCHOR (50s) mustache, suit, strait-laced, gives a report.

NEWS ANCHOR
Another person has been reported missing today. The sixth this year.

A graphic of a MALE LATINO (22) appears over his right shoulder.

NEWS ANCHOR
–is another local citizen who has been reported missing. Last seen yesterday morning by his mother, who says he never came home from work. His employer states that he didn’t show up–

Girlfriend turns off the TV with the remote. Sighs with deep frustration.

GIRLFRIEND
So, no Paris?

HERO
I can’t fly.

She slumps back into the couch; pout-sips wine.

GIRLFRIEND
Planes still fly.

He freezes, insulted.

HERO
What would people say if they saw me get on a plane?

GIRLFRIEND
Your voice is different.

He drinks beer from a bottle.

HERO
Babe… I was struck by lightning.
(beat)
And I’m fine, thank you for your concern.

GIRLFRIEND
(mumbles into her glass)

Are you though?

Hero shoots her a look and fire bursts from his eyes.

Girlfriend screams and jumps to the side, slinging wine in all directions. The pillow she was leaning against ignites into flames!

GIRLFRIEND
What’s the matter with you?!

Hero stares, frozen as Girlfriend beats out the fire with another pillow.
HERO
(barely audible)
I. Don’t. Know.

INT. MAYOR’S OFFICE – NIGHT

Mayor is at his desk on the phone.

MAYOR
It struck them? Both?
(he listens/sighs)
You’re sure?

Mayor stands and looks out his window. Five stories up. It’s a decent view.

He looks at Hero’s Penthouse off to the right. Lights are on.

MAYOR
Looks like he’s home. I might stop by later. Check in on him.
(beat)
I wonder how the other one fared.

EXT. HILLSIDE – NIGHT

A cave by the lake. Metro bus parked outside.

Villain stands at the water’s edge. Sees the city far out ahead. He’s estimating distance.

He exhales long and slow, brings his hands to a point over the top of his head and dives into the lake.

Seconds later, he pops back up, frantic. Choking. Coughing up water. He swims back to the surface and crawls to shore, gagging violently.

INT. HERO’S PENTHOUSE / BEDROOM – NIGHT

Hero and Girlfriend lay in bed, under a silk sheet. She’s in her bra. They stare up at the ceiling.

GIRLFRIEND
Welp… we found something else that’s not working.

HERO
Babe…

GIRLFRIEND
Shh shh. Just… No.

She sits upright. He touches the small of her back.

HERO
It’s not you.

She laughs.

GIRLFRIEND
No shit.

He draws his hand back.

HERO
I’m off, babe.

She gets out of bed and slinks into her sequined dress.

GIRLFRIEND
I thought tonight was gonna be special.

He sighs and lowers his eyes.

She sits on the edge of the bed, her open back to him. He leans over and zips up her dress.

GIRLFRIEND
I was supposed to have an orgasm on top of the Eiffel Tower. And I didn’t even get one in your bed.

She pouts her way to the couch and puts on her heels. She looks at the charred pillow.

GIRLFRIEND
And you almost set me on fire.

HERO
Babe–

GIRLFRIEND
What kind of hero sets his girlfriend on fire?

HERO
It was an accident. I’m still your hero.

She stands and goes to the door. Her clutch sits beside his utility belt. She snaps up the purse.

GIRLFRIEND
I was even gonna let you come in the rear entrance tonight.

She opens the front door, and before it closes behind her:

GIRLFRIEND
Some birthday this turned out to be.

The door shuts and he drops his head back onto his pillow, focused once more on the ceiling.

HERO
But it’s my birthday.

INT. HERO’S PENTHOUSE / BATHROOM – MORNING

Hero stands in front of a bathroom mirror, towel around his waist.

He studies his face. Touches his chin, puzzled. Left profile, then right. Is he less handsome?

HERO
(to self)
Everything’s fine.
His voice is a few octaves higher. He clears his throat. Goes deeper.

HERO
Everything’s. Fine.

He closes his eyes and drops a heavy sigh.

A FART ekes out, like air being slowly released from the neck of a wet balloon.

Hero looks back in the mirror. A distinct frown on his face.

HERO
Oh God–

His eyes get bloodshot and tear up profusely.

EXT. STREET – MORNING

Hero walks down the street. Tall, confident, and proud. Greeting passersby, who seem less enthralled with him.

HERO
Who wants a selfie?

No one acknowledges.

A YOUNG MOM (late 20s) and her SON (8) approach. Hero prepares himself for youthful praise as the boy points.

SON
That’s him, Mommy!

Mom gives an awkward glance.

YOUNG MOM
Mmm hmm.

The boy runs up to Hero.

HERO
Hey there, fella. Would you like an autograph?

SON
You’re in the paper!

HERO
Well, yes, I uh… I’m in the paper a lot, big guy.

The mom holds out a folded newspaper. Hero takes it. She raises a sarcastic eyebrow.

YOUNG MOM
Need a pen?

Hero’s smile fades as he opens the paper.

INT. FASHION BOUTIQUE – SAME

Girlfriend stands at the register, dressed to the nines. Her COWORKER (30s), equally stunning, slaps an open newspaper on the counter in front of her.

COWORKER
That’s your boyfriend, ain’t it?

The front page of THE CHRONICLE shows two side-by-side pictures of Hero on his ass. 1- lying on his back on the broken sidewalk next to Villain, and 2- sitting on the ground surrounded by crumbled bricks.

Girlfriend groans with humiliation.

GIRLFRIEND
(whispers)
Oh God.

COWORKER
More like a super zero.

A BELL CHIMES as a CUSTOMER walks in the front door. Girlfriend pulls the newspaper off the counter and stuffs it in the trash. She beelines to the customer.

GIRLFRIEND
Good morning, ma’am. Is there something I can help you find?

EXT. STREET – MORNING

Hero hands the paper back to the woman.

YOUNG WOMAN
Don’t wanna sign it? You wanna break a little kid’s heart?

Hero looks at the boy, who stares blankly.

SON
It’s okay, Mommy. I don’t want it.

YOUNG WOMAN
Never mind. Looks like you already did.

She walks away, leading her child by the hand.

They pass a telephone pole with a flyer: The Latino from last night’s news report. MISSING. Reward: $10,000.

A WOMAN’S SCREAM calls Hero’s attention. Onlookers stare down an alley. Hero runs toward the commotion.

EXT. ALLEY – SAME

A BLONDE WOMAN (30s) covers her mouth while her BOYFRIEND gets his ass kicked by a MUGGER in a ski mask.

Boyfriend lays on the ground while Mugger kicks him. Mugger wields a switchblade.

BLONDE WOMAN
Please stop! Just take it! Please stop!

She throws her purse at him as Hero rounds the corner.

HERO
Hey!

Mugger looks up, see’s Hero closing in. He swings his blade swift and hard, cutting Hero’s face as he runs past.

Hero is focused on Boyfriend on the ground, reeling in pain. He kneels and places his hand on the man’s shoulder.

HERO
Are you okay, pal?

The man groans.

HERO
(to Blonde Woman)
Call an ambulance. I’ll get the Mugger.

Blonde Woman cries. Streaks of mascara run down her face as she calls 911.

Hero stands and scans the surroundings for the Mugger, but starts setting things on fire.

People scream as Hero sets a man ablaze.

BLONDE WOMAN
What are you doing?!

Hero stops. A slight smile is barely visible on his face.

He looks at the woman, staring in horror.

BLONDE WOMAN
You’re supposed to help us!

HERO
I’m still the hero.

BLONDE WOMAN
Get the Mugger!!

Hero snaps out of it. Onlookers point as Hero faces the crowd. They run as he makes his way to the sidewalk. He looks lost, abandoned.

HERO
I’m still the hero!!

EXT. CITY – DAY

A Metro bus drives through town. Passes a bus stop and an angry CITIZEN (40s) yells and waves his hands and coffee in the air.

INT. BUS (MOVING) – SAME

Villain catches sight of the man in the mirrors. Screeches the bus to a halt.

EXT. BUS STOP – SAME

The Citizen watches as the bus slams on its brakes. The doors open.

He grumbles and makes his way to the waiting bus.

CITIZEN
Fuckn’ incompetent…

INT. BUS – SAME

The man steps aboard and scans his pass as Villain closes the doors behind him.

CITIZEN
What the hell’s wrong with you? Didn’t you see me stan–

The man’s voice trails as he lowers his pass and makes eye contact with Villain, who is taking to his feet.

Citizen drops his coffee and his jaw drops, regret immediately fills his eyes. He takes a step backward, hitting his back against the closed door.

VILLAIN
I’ve been having a bad day.

Beads of sweat break out across Citizen’s forehead.

CITIZEN
I… I didn’t–

Villain grabs his throat.

VILLAIN
I was gonna let you live, but you just couldn’t let me go.

He raises the man off the ground.

Citizen drops his briefcase and he gasps for words.

CITIZEN
I’m– sorry.

Villain throws the man down the aisle of the bus. His head CLANGS against a handrail before he hits the ground.

Villain walks toward the man as he tries to scramble to his feet. The man’s head is sliced open.

Villain reaches him and grabs a chunk of his blood-soaked hair.

VILLAIN
What’s your name?

The man’s eyes fill with tears.

VILLAIN
You ever had a bad day, huh?

The Citizen nods and his nose forms a bubble of snot. Villain shakes the man’s head violently up and down.

He pulls him close, face to face.

VILLAIN
You ever think you’d have this bad a day?!

The man squeezes his eyes shut and a trail of blood rolls down his forehead and down his eye like a tear.

CITIZEN
(pleads)
I’m sorry.

Villain laughs and shakes the man’s head left to right.

VILLAIN
I’m sure you are!

The man opens his eyes. Stares directly into Villain’s face. His lip trembles and he wets his pants.

Villain stops, caught in the man’s gaze. Suddenly uncomfortable.

VILLAIN
What are you doing?

The man quaking with fear, begs.

CITIZEN
I don’t know.

Villain looks at him like he’s an alien creature. He lets the man go like he’s been infected. He stands upright.

Villain goes back to the driver’s seat and opens the doors. The rear door opens, but the man doesn’t seem to notice.

Villain stares at him in the mirror.

VILLAIN
Get the fuck outta here!

The man snaps back to reality. Grateful. He scrambles to the door, slipping on blood, and runs out.

Villain shuts the doors and covers his face with his hands.

VILLAIN
(agonized)
What’s happening to me??

INT. HERO’S PENTHOUSE – DAY

Hero at the bureau mirror. His cut has not healed. He touches it.

Cell phone sits next to the jewelry box with the engagement ring. He picks up the box and his phone. Holds the HOME button.

HERO
Call Girlfriend.

PHONE
Calling Girlfriend.

Phone on speaker, he sets it on the bureau and opens the jewelry box.

GIRLFRIEND
Hey, babe, I’m kinda busy right now.

He takes the ring out and studies it. Its brilliance catches the light.

HERO
Can I take you out to dinner tonight?

Her voice perks up.

GIRLFRIEND
Paris?!

HERO
The Grand Moritz.

GIRLFRIEND
Oh.

He puts the ring back.

HERO
On 9th.

GIRLFRIEND
I know.

HERO
It’s the best place in town.

GIRLFRIEND
Yeah, okay. I gotta go, babe. I’ll see you tonight.

HERO
Okay; love–

The call ends.

HERO
–you.

He puts the jewelry box in the top drawer of the bureau right as his phone rings GOD BLESS AMERICA.

Hero answers tentatively.

HERO
Mayor, I’m not feeling well today–

The muffled, urgent voice of the Mayor through the phone. Hero’s face drops.

HERO
I’ll be right there.

INT. MAYOR’S OFFICE – DAY

Hero bursts through the doors. Villain has the Mayor pinned against the wall, held by the throat, feet dangling in mid-air.

Hero throws his hands to his hips; chest puffed; voice forced baritone pitch.

HERO
Let him–

Villain drops the Mayor. Mayor’s knees buckle and he rubs his throat.

Villain rushes to Hero with unexpected desperation. He takes Hero’s shoulders and stares deep into his eyes.

VILLAIN
You’re fucked up, aren’t you?

Hero looks at the Mayor. Mayor looks confused as hell.

VILLAIN
(a desperate whisper)
I know you are. You’re fucking fucked.

Hero purses his lips and looks back at Villain. Villain pleads.

VILLAIN
Please help me.

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S CHARACTERS FOR HORROR

What I learned is that there is a blueprint for putting horror together. Once a concept is in place, these steps serve as a template to start adding meat to the story.

1. Tell us your Concept and the Group you have chosen.
Concept: Children, who were murdered in cold blood, have come back to terrorize a group of teenagers, who have chosen to disgrace their hallowed grounds.
Group: Thrill seekers. These are friends looking to mix things up. They go to party at the abandoned house by the creek… the one that holds the urban legend….

2. Tell us the Dying Pattern of this movie.
B. 6 to 8 characters will be together and die off one by one

3. Give us an Identity and a sentence for each character that makes up your group.
Whitney – The Moral One. She will be the only survivor, and the house by the creek will keep her and take care of her. She is pregnant by her boyfriend, Marcus, and he will turn out to be an ass when he finds out he’s going to be a dad.
Josh – Out of control/Obnoxious. He will be the one who initiates vandalizing the house. He will be the drunkest and the loudest, and the first to enter.
Sarah – The sacrificial lamb. Karen will throw her to the wolves, so to speak, and then immediately meet their untimely demise as she tries to make a break for it. We will see her be a test subject for her friends throughout and leading up to her death.
Marcus – Love Interest. (and asshole) This is Whitney’s boyfriend. The guy that helps to unwittingly allow the children to “spare” Whitney’s life… if that’s what you want to call it… He will encourage her to get rid of the kid and make bad jokes about drowning it in the creek, referencing the urban legend of the house.
David – Leader. This is the guy who knows the urban legend and talks his friends into going to their last party. He’ll tell scary tales and jump scare people.
Karen – Complainer. She doesn’t want to be there. The house is dirty. The creek is gross, they brought the wrong beer and the weed is low quality; and David and Robert are kind of being jerks to her. She’s the one who sacrifices Sarah to save herself, except it doesn’t work like she thinks, and she gets double the rage that Sarah got.
Robert – Rule breaker. Likes to push limits. Tries to get to know Karen better and he’s less than a gentleman about it.
Olivia – Introvert. David’s cousin. She timid and shy and wants to come out of her shell.

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S TURNING POINT 1 SCENES

What I learned is that the turning point of Act 1 is a plot twist. It has to be timed right, and there has to be sufficient setups to make it truly impactful.

Here, Villain has a nervous breakdown from losing his powers and gaining new ones that he has no understanding of:

EXT. CITY – DAY

A Metro bus drives through town. Passes a bus stop and angry
DAVE (40s) yells and waves his hands and coffee in the air.

INT. BUS (MOVING) – SAME

Villain catches sight of the man in the mirrors. Screeches the
bus to a halt.

EXT. BUS STOP – SAME

Dave watches as the bus slams on its brakes. The doors open.

He grumbles and makes his way to the waiting bus.

DAVE
Fuckn’ incompetent…

INT. BUS – SAME

Dave steps aboard and scans his pass as Villain closes the doors
behind him.

DAVE
What the hell’s wrong with you?
Didn’t you see me stan–

Dave’s voice trails as he lowers his pass and makes eye contact
with Villain, who is taking to his feet. He drops his coffee.

Dave’s jaw drops, regret immediately fills his eyes, and he takes
a step backward, hitting his back against the closed door.

VILLAIN
I’ve been having a bad day.

Beads of sweat break out across Dave’s forehead.

DAVE
I… I didn’t–

Villain grabs his throat.

VILLAIN
I was gonna let you live, but you
just couldn’t let me go.

He raises Dave off the ground.

Dave drops his briefcase and he gasps for words.

DAVE
I’m– sorry.

Villain throws Dave down the aisle of the bus. His head CLANGS
against a handrail before he hits the ground.

Villain walks toward him as he tries to scramble to his feet.
Dave’s head is sliced open.

Villain reaches him and grabs a chunk of his blood-soaked hair.

VILLAIN
What’s your name?

Dave’s eyes fill with tears.

DAVE
Dave.

VILLAIN
You ever had a bad day, Dave?

Dave nods and his nose forms a bubble of snot. Villain shakes
Dave’s head violently.

VILLAIN
Yes, Dave, you’ve had some
pretty bad days, I’m sure.

He pulls him close, face to face.

VILLAIN
You ever think you’d have
this bad a day?!

Dave squeezes his eyes shut and a trail of blood rolls down his
forehead and under his eye like a tear.

DAVE
(pleads)
I’m sorry.

Villain laughs and shakes Dave’s head.

VILLAIN
I’m sure you are, Dave!

Dave opens his eyes. Stares directly into Villain’s face. His lip
trembles and he wets his pants.

Villain stops. He stares at Dave. Suddenly uncomfortable.

VILLAIN
What are you doing?

Dave quaking with fear, begs.

DAVE
I don’t know.

Villain looks at Dave like he’s an alien creature. He lets him go
like he’s been infected. He stands upright.

He goes back to the driver’s seat and opens the doors. The rear
door opens, but Dave doesn’t seem to notice.

Villain stares at him in the mirror.

VILLAIN
Get the fuck outta here, Dave!

Dave snaps back to reality. Grateful. He scrambles to the door,
slipping on blood, and runs out.

Villain shuts the doors and covers his face with his hands.

VILLAIN
(agonized)
What’s happening to me??

INT. HERO’S HOME – DAY

Cell phone rings GOD BLESS AMERICA on the bureau.

Hero answers tentatively.

HERO
Mayor, I’m not feeling well today–

The muffled voice of the Mayor through the phone. Hero’s
face drops.

HERO
I’ll be right there.

INT. MAYOR’S OFFICE – DAY

Hero bursts through the doors. Villain has the Mayor pinned
against the wall, held by the throat, feet dangling in mid-air.

Hero throws his hands to his hips; chest puffed.

HERO
Let him–

Villain drops the Mayor and rushes over, with unexpected
desperation. He takes Hero’s shoulders and stares deep into his eyes.

VILLAIN
You’re fucked up, aren’t you?

Hero looks at the Mayor. Mayor looks confused as hell.

VILLAIN
(a desperate whisper)
I know you are. You’re
fucking fucked.

Hero purses his lips and looks back at Villain. Villain pleads.

VILLAIN
Please help me.

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S INCITING INCIDENT

What I learned is the inciting incident and the reaction must occur quickly, as the inciting incident is the catalyst for the story, and the reaction is the first step of the journey.

This scene picks up where we left off yesterday:

EXT. HIGH RISE / ROOFTOP – NIGHTFALL

[EPIC BATTLE SCENE]

Rain has turned to downpour. The two Supers swing, throw each
other to the ground. Punches and blocks, kicks and ducks,
headlocks.

Villain punches Hero across the face, a sharp ring cuts deep into
his flesh. Almost instantly the wound heals itself.

They grab each other. Bodies and arms locked tightly together, in
an embrace of will and strength. Torso to torso, hip to hip, utility
belt to utility belt.

[LOTS OF DAMAGE IN THEIR WAKE]

And then… LIGHTNING STRIKES!

Bright LIGHT breaks the sky, and a jagged bolt of electricity
consumes the two men.

The lightning releases their stronghold, and they drop to the
ground.

It seems to have taken a toll on them both. Villain stands, worse
for the wear. He kicks Hero in the chest and starts to run for the
fire escape.

But Hero rushes him. And before he can reach the ladder, Hero
throws his arm around Villain’s waist, extends the other arm
forward, and leaps off the rooftop, soaring outward…

And SLAMS to the ground!

Sidewalk crumpled; Villain sits up.

VILLAIN
What the fuck was that?

Hero is dazed. Laying on his back staring up at the sky. Rain
quietly splashing his bewildered face.

Villain glares at Hero, staring at him with heat vision that refuses
to work. Instead, he sees Hero’s skull. Villain choke gasps and
hurries to his feet.

Hero stands; studies Villain, his head still rattled.

The two Supers back away from each other. Mirror images of
confusion.

Villain turns and runs west, at NORMAL SPEED! He panics as he
turns the corner.

He leans against a building wall, hyperventilating.

VILLAIN
(quietly freaking out)
What’s wrong with me??

Hero watches Villain as he rounds the corner. He raises an arm and
determination sets in his eyes.

He takes a deep breath and leans forward, but doesn’t take off.
He lowers his arm.

HERO
The hell..?

He looks around. He’s surprised and embarrassed at the crowd
that has gathered. Mouths covered, pointing, aghast.

WOMAN
He can’t fly!

Hero swallows hard and walks east. Gobsmacked.

He rounds a corner and checks back over his shoulder. The crowd
has repositioned itself down the street, watching him leave.

Hero runs — takes off at BULLET SPEED! And SLAMS into a building.

As bricks crumble around him, he drops on his ass, further stunned.

LAUGHTER from behind him.

MAN
He’s broken!

INT. CITY BUS (MOVING) – SAME

A BUS DRIVER drives a bus filled with PASSENGERS. He HUMS and
taps the wheel as he navigates through the streets.

Through the windshield, Villain steps out into the middle of the
road.

Bus Driver yells out in alarm and SLAMS ON THE BREAKS. The bus
screeches and skids to a halt. Passengers GASP as they are thrown
forward.

BUS DRIVER
Everyone off the bus!!

He opens front and rear doors as Villain approaches.

Passengers and Driver scream and flee in all directions.

Villain climbs aboard and takes a seat at the wheel. Shuts the
doors.

In the rearview mirror, he spots a MAN (20s) frozen in fear.

VILLAIN
(vile)
GET OUT!

The man whimpers and scrambles to the rear door, fumbles it open
and drops to the ground outside.

Villain drives onward. Focused. Angry.

INT. HERO’S HOUSE / LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Girlfriend sits on the couch as Hero paces.

GIRLFRIEND
So then we’re not going to Paris?

Hero shoots her a look and fire bursts from his eyes.

Girlfriend screams and ducks while a pillow she was leaning
against ignites into flames!

GIRLFRIEND
What’s the matter with you?!

Hero stares, frozen as Girlfriend extinguishes the fire with
bottled water.

HERO
(barely audible)
I. Don’t. Know.

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S TERRIFYING MONSTER

What I learned is:
1. I placed a lot of importance on mythology and I have been putting a lot of time into crafting a good backstory. While this is something I can touch upon, it should not be a major part of this story. I’ll save it for the sequel.
(Hence, my mythology is the most detailed thing I have right now!)

2. I also learned that the monster must be relentless and inescapable, and must be delivered in small doses at the start. It’s also not important to show the whole monster.

Tell us what or who your monster is.
Unwanted children who were drowned in a creek

Give us a few sentences for each of the following for your monster:
Their Terror:
– These children are highly invasive. They terrorize from within the body.
– They pursue by entrapment and with unrelented aggression.
– They isolate by having control of a house and a portion of the creek that runs through the backyard.
– Their presence disrupts cell phone service… so there’s no calling for help.
– The terrible thing they do is paralyze you with fear, attack, and invade. They murder you from inside your own body.
– It’s inescapable because they have trapped you, and once you’ve crossed the threshold and start disrespecting their hallowed ground, you’re on their turf now.

Their Mystery:
How can we escape? Is anyone safe?

Their Fear Provoking Appearance:
– Disturbing and grotesque.
– They are shadowy, swampy, they move with precise speed, have hollow eyes, and make unnatural sounds.

Their Rules:
They entice with intrigue, play on inhibitions, and strike with no mercy.
No one regarded them, and they regard no one.

Their Mythology:
– 1920s — a young white woman is pregnant with a black house servant’s child. At seven months, she barely shows.
– She plans to run away with him, but her baby is premature and she goes into sudden and unexpected labor.
– When the baby is born in her bedroom, with her parents and other house servants giving aid, her father is horrified to learn she was pregnant and it’s black!
– The black house servant makes a run for it and dad gives chase. Kills the man.
– Her mother takes the child away. Says it was stillborn, but the young woman swears she heard it crying.
– Her mother drowns it in the creek.
– The young woman is kept in oppression and is indoctrinated by her father and goes insane.
– When the house is willed to her in the 1950s, she uses it as a “safe house” or “clinic” for women to come and birth babies they don’t want to keep. But instead of organizing adoptions, she drowns the unwanted children. (And we will NOT see any of this blatantly.)
– She will grow up believing that these children (being born to these women who have hidden their pregnancies from husbands or parents) were conceived in sin, and therefore, they are illegitimate.
– She will have been led to believe that her baby deserved to die, and so should these other children.
– So the children are pissed!

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S ACT 1 OPENING SCENES:

INT. HERO’S HOUSE / BEDROOM – LATE AFTERNOON

HERO (30s), white, stands before a full-length mirror wearing only
boxers, admiring himself. Tight muscles, ripped abs, unnatural good
looks.

He winks at his reflection, and wait…was that a kiss?

INT. HERO’S HOUSE / LIVING ROOM – SAME

Hero stands before a bureau. Wears form fitting tights, black and
gold. Cape. Utility belt. Puts on his watch. Pockets a cell phone.
He opens a small, velvet jewelry box; reveals a 4-carat diamond ring.
Pockets it.

He checks his hair. Perfect. Goes to the front door.

EXT. CITY STREETS – LATE AFTERNOON

Hero signs autographs amidst throngs of fans under a cloudy sky.
He points finger guns at admirers and poses for selfies with his
million-dollar smile.

On his arm is GIRLFRIEND (20s). Trophy. Dingbat. Sequined dress.
She basks in Hero’s limelight as if it was her own.

FAN 1
Where you headed?

Hero’s voice is deep and commanding.

HERO
We’re flying to Paris.

A beat as he looks at his doe-eyed girlfriend.

HERO
I have a special evening planned.

A TRUMPETED rendition of GOD BLESS AMERICA sounds and the
crowd quiets in response. Hero pulls the cell phone out of his
utility belt.

HERO
Mayor.

Hero listens, his face gets stern, a little embellished for the sake
of the onlookers. Hero hangs up and puffs out his chest.

HERO
Duty calls.

The crowd waits with bated breath as Hero checks his watch and
turns to his now pouty girlfriend.

HERO
I won’t be long.

The crowd “AWWs” as he pulls her in at the waist and kisses her,
like the hero that he is.

Without further ado, he raises his fist to the sky, and flies off like a
rocket, ruffling skirts and blowing hats off heads.

THUNDER RUMBLES IN THE DISTANCE.

EXT. BANK – LATE AFTERNOON

An alarm goes off as VILLAIN (30s), black, in dark gray and
black tights, emerges from the front doors. He’s not worried,
and no one is around to stop him. SIRENS in the distance.

He carries a large silver case. He is confident, also ripped, but
nature has been less aesthetically kind to him. He’s rough around
the edges. Gritty.

He turns to the right, stopping as hero lands in front of him.

No words. Just searing eye contact. Villain blocks hero’s swing
with the case, which is dented from the blow. Villain spins and
brings the case around again, hitting hero in the side of the head.

Hero loses his balance and Villain sees a CITIZEN roughly 50 feet
away, gawking.

Villain focuses, eyes glowing red. LIGHT shoots out and sets the
gawker on FIRE! The man screams and runs as Hero gives chase.

Villain chuckles and turns the other way. Takes off running at
bullet speed.

Hero reaches the man and tackles him. Covers him with his cape.
Police cars and an ambulance turn the corner and Hero stands,
cradling the man in his arms.

Emergency response vehicles stop to render aid.

MORE THUNDER. CLOSER. DISTANT LIGHTNING.

EXT. ROOFTOP – SUNSET

Hero scans the city. A light rain falls as thick dark clouds roll in
overhead.

Hero’s x-ray vision goes through buildings. Reveals Villain in the
distance, running at high speed at the edge of the city. Rolling
hills and a large lake in the distance. Hero flies after him.

EXT. SUBURBS – SUNSET

Villain runs. Rain is now coming down hard.

Behind Villain, Hero flies in fast. Sounds like a jet.

Villain checks over his shoulder and makes a sharp left.

Hero follows as Villain reaches the edge of the lake, then SPRINTS
across the surface of the water!

Hero narrows the gap and Villain plunges. Hero follows like a guided
missile.

UNDERWATER

[UNDERWATER BATTLE SCENE]

[BACK TO THE CITY – A VERY DESTRUCTIVE FIGHT TAKES PLACE]

[END UP ON…]

EXT. HIGH RISE / ROOFTOP – NIGHTFALL

[EPIC BATTLE SCENE]

Rain has turned to downpour. The two Supers swing, throw each
other to the ground. Punches and blocks, kicks and ducks,
headlocks.

Finally, the hold. Bodies and arms locked tightly together, in an
embrace of will and strength. Torso to torso, hip to hip, utility belt
to utility belt.

[jaye Blohm]

“BEFORE I WAKE” HORROR CONVENTIONS

What I learned is that Horror must be “smart.” It has conventions that must be honored and victims need to be relentlessly terrorized. I enjoyed learning the distinction between the horror and thriller genres.

MY EXAMPLE:

Title / Concept: Before I Wake / A couple adopt an orphaned child whose dreams – and nightmares – manifest physically as he sleeps.
Terrorize the Characters: The Canker Man hunts down victims, whoever is in the house or building where Cody is sleeping. He is ruthless and persistent.
Isolation: A child’s dreamworld.
Death: 1: Movie opens with threat of death. A child sleeps and a man enters his bedroom with a gun.
Monster/Villain: A Child’s Nightmares
High Tension: 1: Movie opens with threat of death. A child sleeps and a man enters his bedroom with a gun. The music is tense, and the man contemplates. We have no idea what his next move will be.
2: A strange noise comes from down the hall… it sounds inhuman. Man closes the door and apologizes to the sleeping child whom he is about to shoot.
3: The bedroom door bursts open, and the man shoots into the hallway. Nothing there.
4: Jessie has flashbacks about her son drowning in the tub.
5: Little Cody tells Jessie that he doesn’t like to sleep because The Canker Man is always following him and ate his mother.
6: Butterflies come into the house while the family watches TV and the boy sleeps. A black butterfly lands on Jessie’s hand and bites her.
7: Music gets creepier to match the scene. As Jessie turns to go to the open doorway leading into the dark of night, there is a mysterious, subtle, yet obvious figure standing in the doorway behind her.
8: She closes the doors and the butterflies vanish into thin air.
9: Jessie, an insomniac, goes to the kitchen for some water. With the mysterious figure still fresh in our minds, we anticipate another sighting – and we get it. Another figure behind her appears. A creek… she turns to look but noting is there. Then the cupboard slams shut beside her. Deathly silence… and then another creek. Slowly turning corners… she investigates. Dark house, eyes squinting, the camera hyper-focusing us on the dark living room, music starting to come in. An image of something comes into focus. A high-pitched sound – her water glass breaks, startling her (and us). A look back at the living room, and the image is gone. And as she starts to compose herself, someone runs down the hall and around a corner.
10: Next night… another butterfly has arrived. And Mark and Jessie’s dead son, Sean, has appeared in the living room!
11: The next night, brings more butterflies, Christmas, and Sean again. But Mark calls Sean “Cody” and he turns to us, acknowledging. Then down the hall, more butterflies swarm, and form the image of a man, who enters Cody’s bedroom while he sleeps. He nears, and with a metallic, raspy voice whispers “I am always with you.” – – The Canker Man!
12: Bully, Tate, sneaks into the classroom while Cody has stayed in from recess and takes a nap at his desk. A butterfly flies in his face… so we know something is coming…. Then metallic, raspy sounds. Tate turns, and we see The Canker Man standing in the dark classroom. A girl enters, gasps, getting The Canker Man’s attention. He bends over backward to have a look; his creepy face pointing upward at her. He stands upright and charges Tate. We hear gruesome grunting and smothering, and we can assume that Tate is being eaten.
13: Cody reads a book by a flashlight and we hear a THUD. He looks under the bed… sits up… and Tate is behind him! He lets out a horrific screech!
14: Sean appears before Jessie, whispering in a terrifying loop: “I’m awake; this can’t be happening.”
15: Tate appears underneath Cody’s bed, grabs him, and pulls him under.
16: Cross cuts of Cody screaming “I’m awake!” and Sean whispering “I’m awake.” Then suddenly Sean vanishes, and Cody is screaming “NO!” from the other room.
17: Dr. gives Jessie a prescription for a children’s sleep aid. Not a tense scene in an of itself… but it sets the stage for what is to come.
18. The cops come by… want to question Cody. Mark mentions the cops to Jessie later and Cody is trying to distract; hits them with the unexpected question asking how Sean died.
19: Jessie puts sleep medication in Cody’s dessert… and she waits.
20: Bedtime. Cody yawns… gets sleepy. And he’s out. A drug-induced sleep — one likely not easy to wake from.
21: Jessie and Mark decide to go to bed. They turn, and we see the unsettled looks on their faces. Sean is back along with a Christmas tree. He looks dirty, and angry. He projectile vomits muck in Jessie’s face. His eyes roll back into his head. Black butterflies climb out of his mouth.
22: Mark runs upstairs to wake Cody. Can’t!
23: The Canter Man climbs out of a Christmas present under the tree. He lets out a screech, and black butterflies fly out of his mouth at Jessie.
24: Mark can’t wake Cody. Jessie appears in the bedroom. Says Cody won’t wake up for a while. The Canter Man has followed her upstairs.
25: Mark slaps Cody, who opens his eyes briefly. The Canter Man disappears. Cody’s eyes shut as the drugs pull him back to sleep. The Canter Man reappears. Jessie shuts the door and The Canter Man is banging on the other side.
26: The Canter Man bursts the door open, shattering it, and launching Jessie and Mark backward. He screech-roars.
27: Mark rushes The Canter Man, who easily overtakes him. Mark yells for Jessie to leave as the Canter Man is consuming him. She goes for Cody, but The Canter Man backhands her to the floor. She gets knocked out.
28: Jessie is awake. Police at the house. Mark is missing. They take Cody away. Jessie is hysterical.
29: Jessie return to the orphanage and steals the folder from CPS that has Cody’s file in it. She discovers missing people… and the man from the opening scene, Whelan: He has voluntarily committed himself to a Mental Hospital. Jessie visits.
30: Whelan recounts: His wife getting eaten by The Canter Man. Is there a way to get these victims back…? We don’t know.
31: Flashbacks reveal Cody dreaming about Whelan’s wife Katie, reuniting them. But it’s not her. It’s his impression of her, which is chilling. Whelan tries to tell Jessie to kill Cody; to stop the terror. Jessie wants to investigate Cody’s birthmother.
32: Cody in the orphanage. Alone in his room. It’s night. Dark hallways, bedroom lights are out. The sound of distant and haunting drumming. The camera takes us outside. An eerie darkness blankets the building. It’s bedtime….
33: Jessie getting medical records for Cody’s mom. Back at the orphanage, Cody yawns. Staff states he hasn’t been sleeping. Jessie digs deeper into the record, personal effects.
34: The orphanage. Cody is given a shot of sedative.
35: Cody sleeps. Butterflies fill his room.
36: Jessie outside. Enters the orphanage somehow. A mass of butterflies throttles her. She proceeds. Eerie quiet. A terrified woman encased in a cocoon.
37: Jessie sees a bathtub in a bathroom. Closes in on it. The camera holds. We expect something that doesn’t come when we anticipate, but then shortly follows… water splashes in the once empty tub. She approached with caution. The water is black. The camera holds, just a little too long. We expect something to burst out. But nothing. Then as she turns, Tate is standing in the doorway and lets out a horror scream, which knocks her backwards. Then Sean peers over the top of the tub and drops of water hit her face. She relives Sean’s drowning as the boy flails around in the tub. She leaves as the sound of splashing continues behind her.
38: Jessie continues on while everyone sleeps.
39: Jessie enters a room. Cody sits. She calls his name and he turns, but something is not right. A woman appears behind Jessie and walks to Cody. Her face is clay-like, cracked, veined, eye sockets black and empty. She touches Cody’s face, and he seems to accept it. Then she punches out his eyes and twists his head with an evil calmness about her. She removes her hand, revealing a Cody that has been disfigured, face like the desert, eyeballs missing — and it’s now Sean.
40. Mark suddenly steps before her. Face and eyes the same. A black butterfly comes out of his eye socket. Music and jump scare noises fall right into place.
41: The hallways. More butterflies an eerie fluttering. Cocooned people.
42: She finds Cody’s room. He sleeps, It’s peaceful, until… The Canter Man grabs her from behind and throws her down the hallway. She stands. He watches her. Then screeches and rushes her. She opens a butterfly stuffed toy that stops him. She found this in the box of Cody’s mom’s personal effects.
He seems to take it in. Calmed and soothed by it. But we still feel like something unsettling is coming…
the butterflies have stopped flying, suspended in motion, while she hugs The Canter Man, who turns into Cody, then vanishes….
43.
Departure from Reality: People’s dreams do not cross over into the real world.
Moral Statement: The bully kid gets it. I could find no moral statement for Whelan or Mark getting killed.

Anything else you’d like to say about what made this movie a great horror film?
I liked that it also had a story behind it. Cody was terrorized by The Canker Man, and we later come to learn that his mother died from cancer. When Cody has to read the word, he says “Canker.” In her last days, she looked similar to what Cody’s “Canker Man” looked like. She tells him “I am always with you,” in a raspy, metallic voice.

I’d also like to say that people that were killed stayed dead. I half expected they would be found alive in some secret dream hideaway, and I’m glad that didn’t happen.

MY CONCEPT:

Title / Concept: The Creek / Urban legend tells of a creek where women would drown unwanted babies. This story takes that legend and traces it back to one woman, who once ran a “clinic” that provided secret birthing and adoption services to women who didn’t want to keep their children. But these babies were never adopted. They were given to The Creek. Now, decades later, these babies want revenge.
Terrorize the Characters: Dead children stalk the grounds of this house. I haven’t decided yet if it’s a family that moves in (I feel like this is always the case though), or some teens that want to party and picked the wrong house.
Isolation: The creek, the foliage, and the house will trap them. Cell phones get no service.
Death: All but one teen will die. The one who is hiding her newly discovered pregnancy from her friends.
Monster/Villain: Drowned children
High Tension: A lot of darkness, strange noises, jokes played on one another, some hallucinations, injuries, missing people, screams, and guttural sounds.
Departure from Reality: It’s a haunted house and a haunted creek, and the villain is a group of children who were drowned in the 1950s.
Moral Statement: Well, for sure one guy’s gonna get it because when he finds out his girlfriend is pregnant, he wants to abandon her. Another moral statement could be the selfish vandalizing of property by these riff raff!

… I think I just decided that this would be about teens coming to party, as opposed to a new family moving in. 😉

[jaye Blohm]

Hi everyone!

My name is Jaye and I’m very happy to be part of this class.

I recently finished my fifth script and it feels good to keep the momentum going!

I look forward to elevating my current concept and writing an amazing horror spec! I am currently finishing up the ProSeries Class, and I can tell you that if you trust Hal and Cheryl, the process, and yourselves, breakthroughs will happen, and you will create something magical.

Something unique about myself, is that I like to make ASMR videos on YouTube.

I’m excited to be learning alongside all of you!

-Jaye

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S BEAT SHEET DRAFT 2

What I learned is
1: Theme needs to be present throughout, and it needs to be experienced by each main character, not equally, but in some form or from some perspective. Each character expresses a different side of the theme.
2: I learned that even though VILLAIN is the natural and perceived Antagonist, and I have a story building around him, MAYOR is actually the larger threat, so I need to build some more story around him.

Theme: Misguided trust, betrayal, self-discovery, and unlikely friendship.
This seems like a lot, but it’s sort of it unfolds chronologically.

HERO trusts the wrong people, is betrayed by Mayor, discovers realizes people only like him because he’s Hero, becomes friends with Villain
VILLAIN doesn’t trust anyone, is betrayed by his instincts, discovers he needs love in his life, becomes friends with Hero
MAYOR abuses the trust he has been given, betrays Hero, learns his plans fail and he dies. No unlikely friendship for him.
GIRLFRIEND doesn’t deserve trust, betrays her relationship, lack of self-awareness and tries to come back to HERO and fails. No friendship for her either.

Updates in Beat Sheet denoted with *asterisks*

ACT 1:

EXT. CITY – NIGHT

OPENING. Hero and Villain in an epic battle. Superhero powers are displayed.

EXT. CITY – NIGHT

INCITING INCIDENT. Lightning strikes the two supers while they grapple, causing powers to scramble and switch.

INT. HERO HOME – NIGHT

Hero has no idea how to use his new abilities. Doesn’t even know what they all are yet.
Conflicts with girlfriend over it.

INT. VILLAIN HOME – SAME

Hero has no idea how to use his new abilities. Doesn’t even know what they all are yet.

EXT. CITY – DAY

Hero witnesses a crime. Fumbles saving the day. Citizens laugh and degrade him.

EXT. CITY – SAME

Villain attempts a crime. Has newfound empathy for the victim. Retreats.

INT. MAYOR’S OFFICE

Hero talks to Mayor about the issue. Surprised at lack of support.
* Here’s where Mayor starts to hint at his disdain for Hero and his role as the True Antagonist.

EXT. CITY – DAY

Another crime, or incident. Hero blunders it. Girlfriend is highly disappointed.

INT. HERO HOME – EVENING

Hero and girlfriend together. He fails to perform. She is further disappointed.

INT. HERO HOME – NIGHT

Hero practices new powers. Fails.

* INT. MAYOR’S OFFICE – DAY (or) INT. LAB – DAY

* Scientist is either with Mayor in his office or Mayor is with Scientist in the lab.
They discuss lightning and science and schemes. We get the idea that Mayor is not a good guy, but to what extremes, we are not quite sure.

EXT. CITY – DAY

Hero tries some more. Hurts a mocking citizen on accident. Doesn’t like that the pleasing feelings that came with it.

INT. RESTAURANT – EVENING

Girlfriend breaks up with him.

ACT 2:

INT. MAYOR’S OFFICE – DAY

Villain is holding Mayor hostage. It’s a ploy to bait Hero.
Hero enters, on cue. Villain releases Mayor and tells Hero he needs help.
These powers are no good. He doesn’t know how to make them work. He hates the empathy part.

INT. HERO HOME – DAY TURNS INTO NIGHT

A truce as both men try to sort it out. Try to teach each other how to use their powers and try to figure out what went wrong to revert things back.

EXT. CITY – DAY

Hero and Villain try things out in public. Not good. What the hell??!!

INT. MAYOR’S OFFICE – DAY

Mayor send them to a top-notch Scientist, who will try to recreate lightning in a lightning chamber.

INT. LAB – DAY

Scientist zaps the shit out of them repeatedly, to no avail. Powers still switched.

* INT. MAYOR’S OFFICE – DAY (or) INT. LAB – DAY

* Scientist and Mayor talk some more. Mayor questions if they need something stronger than lightning. They contemplate the switching of powers between Hero and Villain — an unanticipated side effect.
(This will be written, hopefully, in a way where we question what Mayor is plotting, but we don’t suspect that he‘s wanting to annihilate Hero. It will be written elusively and not directly.)

INT. VILLAIN HOME – NIGHT

More practice and problem solving. Her and Villain begin to bond.

ACT 3:

INT. HERO HOME – DAY

A knock. Villain at the door. He believes he knows why the switch really happened. It wasn’t the lightning, but was a combination of events.
(More trial and error inserted here with crimes and Hero and Villain working together in awkwardness – bond growing stronger)

INT. LAB – NEXT DAY

Hero and Villain back at the lightning chamber with Mayor.
*More evil. Mayor’s subtext starts to become more obvious, but Hero doesn’t want to see it.

We discover that the lightning in the opening shot was a plan that he coordinated with Scientist to destroy Hero. Yes, HERO – for reasons I’m still working out.

ACT 4:

INT. LAB – SAME

* Mayor’s full plan is unveiled.
Mayor and Scientist work to kill Hero and Villain saves him.
Mayor and Scientist defeated. Villain saves the day.

INT. LAB – SAME

A combination of circumstances, with the additional hit of lightning inside the lightning chamber finally restores original powers as they were.

INT. HERO HOME – NIGHT

Hero and Villain share a drink. Decide to keep a mutual respect for one another, but neither wants to change their ways. Villain “poisons” Hero’s wine, but nothing much. Just a light sedative “in good fun.” Confides that Hero has been his only friend.

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S HIGH SPEED BEAT SHEET

What I learned is that a beat sheet looks like what I always thought was an outline. I think an outline is more extensive, while the beat sheet is probably meant to hit more of the main points.

ACT 1:

EXT. CITY – NIGHT

OPENING. Hero and Villain in an epic battle. Superhero powers are displayed.

EXT. CITY – NIGHT

INCITING INCIDENT. Lightning strikes the two supers while they grapple, causing powers to scramble and switch.

INT. HERO HOME – NIGHT

Hero has no idea how to use his new abilities. Doesn’t even know what they all are yet.
Conflicts with girlfriend over it.

INT. VILLAIN HOME – SAME

Hero has no idea how to use his new abilities. Doesn’t even know what they all are yet.

EXT. CITY – DAY

Hero witnesses a crime. Fumbles saving the day. Citizens laugh and degrade him.

EXT CITY – SAME

Villain attempts a crime. Has newfound empathy for the victim. Retreats.

INT. MAYOR’S OFFICE

Hero talks to Mayor about the issue. Surprised at lack of support.

EXT. CITY – DAY

Another crime, or incident. Hero blunders it. Girlfriend is highly disappointed.

INT. HERO HOME – EVENING

Hero and girlfriend together. He fails to perform. She is further disappointed.

INT. HERO HOME – NIGHT

Hero practices new powers. Fails.

EXT. CITY – DAY

Hero tries some more. Hurts a mocking citizen on accident. Doesn’t like that the pleasing feelings that came with it.

INT. RESTAURANT – EVENING

Girlfriend breaks up with him.

ACT 2:

INT. MAYOR’S OFFICE – DAY

Villain is holding Mayor hostage. It’s a ploy.
Hero enters. Villain releases Mayor and tells Hero he needs help.
These powers are no good. He doesn’t know how to make them work. He hates the empathy part.

INT. HERO HOME – DAY TURNS INTO NIGHT

A truce as both men try to sort it out. Try to teach each other how to use their powers and try to figure out what went wrong to revert things back.

EXT. CITY – DAY

Hero and Villain try things out in public. Not good. What the hell??!!

INT. MAYOR’S OFFICE – DAY

Mayor send them to a top notch Scientist, who will try to recreate lightning in a lightning chamber.

INT. LAB – DAY

Scientist zaps the shit out of them repeatedly, to no avail. Powers still switched.

INT. VILLAIN HOME – NIGHT

More practice and problem solving. Her and Villain begin to bond.

ACT 3:

INT. HERO HOME – DAY

A knock. Villain at the door. He believes he knows why the switch really happened. It wasn’t the lightning, but was a combination of events.

(More trial and error inserted here with crimes and Hero and Villain working together in awkwardness – bond growing stronger)

INT. LAB – NEXT DAY

Hero and Villain back at the lightning chamber, but what’s this? Mayor is there too! And he’s up to no good.

We discover that the lightning in the opening shot was a plan that he coordinated with Scientist to destroy Hero. Yes, HERO – for reasons I’m still working out.

ACT 4:

INT. LAB – SAME

Mayor and Scientist work to kill Hero and Villain saves him.
Mayor and Scientist defeated. Villain saves the day.

INT. LAB – SAME

A combination of circumstances, with the additional hit of lightning inside the lightning chamber finally restores original powers as they were.

INT. HERO HOME – NIGHT

Hero and Villain share a drink. Decide to keep a mutual respect for one another, but neither wants to change their ways. Villain “poisons” Hero’s wine, but nothing much. Just a light sedative “in good fun.” Confides that Hero has been his only friend.

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S TRANSFORMATIONAL EVENTS

What I learned is that mapping these techniques prior to writing keep me focused and organized, while stimulating ideas. While my changes are specific, my steps are mostly vague (similar) as I am still working out specifics.

Start with the Character Arc and the list of Old Ways and New Ways.
Old Ways: privileged, arrogant, narrow world view, thinks he fights for truth, but actually fights for glory.
New Ways: humbled, gains a new respect for all mankind, even his enemy.
Make a list of 6 – 8 changes or steps that need to happen for that character to go from who they are in the beginning (Old Ways) to who they are in the ending (New Ways).
1. He will recognize that people only love him for what he gave them as a hero.
2. He loses things that he thought were grounded in reality.
3. He resents what his stature has come to represent.
4. He forms a temporary alliance with the bad guy.
5. He gets a taste for the other side, and he doesn’t hate it.
6. He must ultimately decide to be the good guy because it’s right, not because it comes with glory.
Sequence the steps from easiest to most difficult. This will imply the journey the character takes.
1. He will lose his superpowers in a freak accident.
2. He will lose the side effects that came with those powers: unnatural luck, stunning good looks.
3. He will simultaneously gain powers he’s not used to and the side effects that come with those.
4. He will lose his girlfriend.
5. He loses the respect of the citizens.
6. He will have to work with his antagonist to find the solution.
7. He will question everything he’s ever believed.
Brainstorm dramatic events or tests that could cause those changes for the character.
Add these transformational events to your four act structure.
1. He loses his powers and gains new ones that he doesn’t know how to use.
2. He bungles efforts to be a hero when needed.
3. Citizens laugh at him.
4. His girlfriend dumps him.
5. His mortal enemy comes to him for help.
6. Drastic attempts to restore powers fail.
7. He nearly kills a man he’s trying to help (and struggles with the feeling it brings).
8. The villain discovers the true reason behind the switch, and it is unsavory.
9. I’m thinking of making the mayor or the scientist a bad guy that the villain and hero defeat together.
10. Powers are restored.

UPDATED 4 ACT STRUCTURE:

Act 1:
Opening A battle. Good v. Evil. Building are destroyed. Superpowers are displayed
Inciting Incident Mid-grapple, lightning strikes the two Supers. Their powers are switched and they don’t know how to fight.
Turning Point They flee to their hideouts and try to figure out what’s happened. Try to work with their new powers. Failure abounds. Hero loses his girlfriend and respect of the citizens.
Tail between his legs, the Villain shows up to ask the Hero for help.

Act 2:
New plan Call a truce and work together to revert powers or train each other
Plan in action Temporarily works with the Villain to try and restore old powers and master newly acquired ones. Villain sabotaging hero.
Midpoint Turning Point Hero doesn’t even know if he wants to be the Hero anymore. Starts to resent the citizens he once loved and protected. Maybe even the mayor or scientist turn out to be bad (working together?)

Act 3:
Rethink everything The Villain and the Hero start to form an unlikely friendship
New plan The Villain finds the solution. It wasn’t the lightning at all… well not entirely. They discover the additional thing that caused the switch.
Turning Point They have destroyed the common enemy and also restored their powers to original.

Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict Hero refuses to be bad, Villain refuses to be good. Played out in a vivid and ruthless physical, emotional, and superpower battle.
Resolution They continue as mortal enemies. Agree to disagree. Each with a different respect for the other and a new perspective on their own lives and purpose.

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S 4 ACT TRAMSFORMATIONAL STRUCTURE

What I learned is that as lost as I feel, this class is helping to guide me. My mind is constantly working to come up with ideas on this, elevate characters and situations, and fill potential plot holes. It’s still early on, and it still feels clumsy, but the guidance of this 4 Act Structure serves as a mini outline to keep me focused and ease the panic!

Concept Lightning strikes at just the wrong time, mid-fight in the battle between good and evil, scrambling superhero powers. A truce is called while the two Supers figure out the resolution.
Main Conflict Good must team up with evil in an effort to correct the mayhem
Old Ways the Hero is arrogant, privileged, elite
New Ways a rude awakening causes the Hero to re-evaluate his life, and his cause. He gains insight and humility.

Act 1:
Opening A battle. Good v. Evil. Building are destroyed. Superpowers are displayed
Inciting Incident Mid-grapple, lightning strikes the two Supers. Their powers are switched and they don’t know how to fight.
Turning Point They flee to their hideouts and try to figure out what’s happened. Try to work with their new powers. Failure abounds.
Tail between his legs, the Villain shows up to ask the Hero for help.

Act 2:
New plan Call a truce and work together to revert powers or train each other
Plan in action Hero learns that everyone only liked him for his heroness. Girlfriend has left, town ridicules him. Villain sabotaging him.
Midpoint Turning Point Hero doesn’t even know if he wants to be the Hero anymore. Starts to resent the citizens he once loved and protected.

Act 3:
Rethink everything The Villain and the Hero start to form an unlikely friendship
New plan The Villain finds the solution. It wasn’t the lightning at all… well not entirely. They discover the additional thing that caused the switch.
Turning Point With some trial and error, it worked

Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict Hero refuses to be bad, Villain refuses to be good. Played out in a vivid and ruthless physical, emotional, and superpower battle.
Resolution They continue as mortal enemies. Agree to disagree. Each with a different respect for the other and a new perspective on their own lives and purpose.

[jaye Blohm]

As a member of this group, I Jaye Blohm, agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, communications, lessons, and models of the 30 Day Screenplay confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, communications, lessons, and models of the 30 Day Screenplay available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S UPDATED PROFILES

What I learned is that this is the first time I start to question the concept of my story. But seeing as this is the first draft and I’m still building the foundation, the best thing is to keep moving forward. This exercise was beneficial in helping me connect with my characters. I will be keeping an open ear for future insights they have to offer, and I will be using this weekend to seek inspiration, breakthroughs, and creativity!

PROTAGONIST Hero/Fighter
Role in the story: The Hero, the good guy
Age range and Description: 30s, Mr. Perfect, a muscle-bound champion, oozes charm and confidence with ease
Internal Journey: He will learn self-awareness and humility, and hard truths
External Journey: He will have to work with his antagonist to help restore what has gone wrong
Want: To rid the world of bad guys
Need: To be loved for who he is as a person, not as a superhero
Wound: Not know love for who he truly is
Mission: To get his superpowers back
Agenda: Has to work with the bad guy; wants to turn him good
Secret: The inciting incident has shown my hero that all his praise has been superficial. He internally toys with the idea of aligning with the villain – but he will not admit this.
What makes him special? He’s a superhero
What draws us to this character? He’s an expert in his field and he has to start all over learning new ropes. His confidence takes a hit, and his world starts to crumble, something he’s not used to.
Traits: Confident, strong-minded, virtuous, respected
Subtext: He wants to make the bad guy good; he sometimes wants to e evil
Flaw: Thinks he has no flaw. Too trusting. Has never experienced real pain
Values: Loyalty, friendship, justice
Irony: He has to go outside of his comfort zone, against his values, against what he believes to make things right
What makes this the right character for this role? He thinks his world is perfect, but he has been sheltered and blessed. Reality shows him he has friends in unlikely places and there’s always room for improvement.

ANTAGONIST Villain/Change Agent/Predator
Role in the story: The Villain, the bad guy
Age range and Description: 30s, fit, smart, arrogant
Internal Journey: He learns empathy… and he hates it
External Journey: He will have to work with HIS antagonist (the Protag) to help restore what has gone wrong
Want: To be respected, wants to be feared
Need: To be loved
Wound: He was born a villain
Mission: To get his superpowers back
Agenda: Has to work with the good guy
Secret: He will never be good. He can never be the good guy.
What makes them special? He’s a supervillain
What draws us to this character? He’s damaged goods, so to speak. He never really got a fair shake in life, and now he has an opportunity
Traits: Vulnerable, unloved, risk taker, determined
Subtext: He’s afraid of change, he doesn’t like to share
Flaw: He likes to hurt people, He doesn’t respect anyone
Values: Isolation, privacy, power,
Irony: Even though he wants no friends, he forms a bond with the most unlikely person, his arch nemesis
What makes this the right character for this role? Friendless and despising change, he has to work together with his worst enemy in order to make things right in his world.

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S CHARACTER PROFILE PART 2

What I learned is that the more developed the character, the easier they are to write. Traits and profiles can change, but the framework gets the ball rolling.
** Reminding myself that this is a first draft and to trust the process. It is far from perfect and will likely change (for the better)!

PART 1:
PROTAGONIST Hero/Fighter

Role in the story: The Hero, the good guy
Age range and Description: 30s, Mr. Perfect, a muscle-bound champion, oozes charm and confidence with ease
Internal Journey: He will learn self-awareness and humility, and hard truths
External Journey: He will have to work with his antagonist to help restore what has gone wrong
Want: To rid the world of bad guys
Need: To be loved for who he is as a person, not as a superhero
Wound: Not know love for who he truly is
Mission: To get his superpowers back
Agenda: Has to work with the bad guy; wants to turn him good
Secret: (Working on this)
What makes him special? He’s a superhero

PART 2:
What draws us to this character? He’s an expert in his field and he has to start all over learning new ropes. His confidence takes a hit, and his world starts to crumble, something he’s not used to.
Traits: Confident, strong-minded, virtuous, respected
Subtext: He wants to make the bad guy good
Flaw: Thinks he has no flaw. Too trusting. Has never experienced real pain
Values: Loyalty, friendship, justice
Irony: He has to go outside of his comfort zone, against his values, against what he believes to make things right
What makes this the right character for this role? He thinks his world is perfect, but he has been sheltered and blessed. Reality shows him he has friends in unlikely places and there’s always room for improvement.

PART 1:
ANTAGONIST Villain/Change Agent/Predator
Role in the story: The Villain, the bad guy
Age range and Description: 30s, fit, smart, arrogant
Internal Journey: He learns empathy… and he hates it
External Journey: He will have to work with HIS antagonist (the Protag) to help restore what has gone wrong
Want: To be respected, wants to be feared
Need: To be loved
Wound: He was born a villain
Mission: To get his superpowers back
Agenda: Has to work with the good guy
Secret: He will never be good. He can never be the good guy.
What makes them special? He’s a supervillain

PART 2:
What draws us to this character? He’s damaged goods, so to speak. He never really got a fair shake in life, and now he has an opportunity
Traits: Vulnerable, unloved, risk taker, determined
Subtext: He’s afraid of change, he doesn’t like to share
Flaw: He likes to hurt people, He doesn’t respect anyone
Values: Isolation, privacy, power,
Irony: Even though he wants no friends, he forms a bond with the most unlikely person, his arch nemesis
What makes this the right character for this role? Friendless and despising change, he has to work together with his worst enemy in order to make things right in his world.

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S CHARACTER PROFILES PART 1

What I learned is that using this template/process, going in with a rough idea helped to create responses that didn’t naturally come to mind. Getting first draft ideas down is important, they can change, and they can get the ball rolling to inspire further ideas. I also need to refine my genre. Right now there are three. I need to shave it down to at least two.

MY PROTAGONIST

Hero/Fighter

MY ANTAGONIST

Villain/Change Agent/Predator

OTHER NECESSARY CHARACTERS

Supporting characters: sidekicks? girlfriends?

Minor roles: reporters? scientist mayor

Background characters: citizens…

GENRE

Buddy Movie/Action/Comedy

UNNAMED PROTAGONIST

Role in the story: The Hero, the good guy

Age range and Description: 30s, Mr. Perfect, a muscle-bound champion, oozes charm and confidence with ease

Internal Journey: He will learn self-awareness and humility, and hard truths

External Journey: He will have to work with his antagonist to help restore what has gone wrong

Want: To rid the world of bad guys
Need: To be loved for who he is as a person, not as a superhero

Wound: (Working on this)

Mission: To get his superpowers back
Agenda: Has to work with the bad guy; wants to turn him good

Secret: (Working on this)

What makes him special? He’s a superhero

UNNAMED ANTAGONIST

Role in the story: The Villain, the bad guy

Age range and Description: 30s, fit, smart, arrogant

Internal Journey: He learns empathy… and he hates it

External Journey: He will have to work with HIS antagonist (the Protag) to help restore what has gone wrong

Want: To be respected, wants to be feared
Need: To be loved

Wound: He was “made” for evil..?

Mission: To get his superpowers back
Agenda: Has to work with the good guy

Secret: He will never be good. He can never be the good guy.

What makes them special? He’s a supervillain

[jaye Blohm]

Hi everyone!

My name is Jaye and I’m very happy to be part of this class.

I recently finished my fifth script and it feels good to keep the momentum going!

I look forward to elevating my current concept and writing an amazing first draft in 30 days or less. I am currently finishing up the ProSeries Class, and I can tell you that if you trust Hal and Cheryl, the process, and yourselves, breakthroughs will happen, and you will create something magical.

Something unique about myself, is that I like to make ASMR videos on YouTube.

I’m excited to be learning alongside all of you!

-Jaye

[jaye Blohm]

JAYE’S TRANSFORMATIONAL JOURNEY

What I learned is that the transformational journey is necessary to draw in an audience. A journey alone is not enough.

I’m still working this concept, so it s still in its infantile stages, but here’s what I decided to go with (of course, this is a first draft and is subject to changes and improvements!):

My Hero:
An arrogant superhero who thinks he’s perfect because he’s been blessed with charm and superpowers, one of which is insane good luck. He feels deserving of his unearned attributes. A freak accident causes a scrambling of superpowers and gives him a rude awakening.

Internal Journey He will learn self-awareness and humility, and other things that I haven’t come up with yet.

External Journey: He will have to work with his antagonist to help restore what has gone wrong.

Old ways: Arrogance, privilege, elitism.

New ways: Humility, respect for fellow man, attitude of gratitude.

[jaye Blohm]

Your opening starts with intrigue and foreshadowing… Nothing good comes from moving gravesites in a movie! Your scene takes us through all these emotions!

Many of your scenes are filled with the horror emotions that were covered in class. You were very meticulous about addressing them and making sure to cover your bases. Nice work!

Sorry if I missed it, but do we know who the witch is? Is she one of the graves that was removed? Is she a sort of overseer?

Nice story, Bob!

[jaye Blohm]

I appreciate this, Bob. I was being very lazy lol, but I will adjust for version 2.
Thank you!

I will checks your outline out and respond with feedback today.

[jaye Blohm]

Hi Bob, did you want to exchange the outline?
My script is only about halfway through!

[jaye Blohm]

Hi Meg… Good question!

I was going to post my chronological edit notes, but I don’t see any further assignment days!

I’ll post the edit notes (extremely brief lol) and keep my eyes on this page for additional insights!

[jaye Blohm]

Hi Judith, I just saw this! I appreciate your reply 🙂

I hope you’re enjoying this class as much as I am!

[jaye Blohm]

I’m addicted!

[jaye Blohm]

Rob, please tell me you wrote a story about this burglar!

[jaye Blohm]

Thanks, Kim!
I just did this in MS Word then copied/pasted.